Oct 31 2011 Two Steps Away From Terminators: Boston Dynamics' PETMAN Gets An Upgrade, Arms

BO is right -- slap some Old Spice up in them pits!

Seen here looking eerily human, Boston Dynamics' bipedal humanoid robot PETMAN has been upgraded with arms (capable of pushups!) and a smoother gait. Well thank God! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a goofy-walking robot. OMG -- did you see PETMAN walking on his toes? What a sped!

Hit the jump for a very worthwhile video of his capabilities.

Continue Reading " Two Steps Away From Terminators: Boston Dynamics' PETMAN Gets An Upgrade, Arms "

Oct 31 2011 Finally, A Decent Rotisserie In A Briefcase

This is a $720 rotisserie in a briefcase. You can carry it around handcuffed to your wrist like a spy, then break it out and cook some meat. Just sayin', I'd slap my meat on your grill. Gentlemen?

The Carson Rotisseries, Inc., rotisserie grill is the perfect, easy to use grill for any place or occasion. It has the capability of seven rotating skewers which evenly cook and self-baste meats, vegetables, and fruits over an open flame, creating the most succulent dishes you can imagine. The sleek lightweight metal case, removable charcoal pan, rechargeable battery, and wall-plug adapter give you ultimate portability to make any grilling opportunity an unforgettable culinary experience.

LOL @ "...make any grilling opportunity an unforgettable culinary experience." I can see it now: Oh man, remember the chicken we cooked in that briefcase grill of yours? *tearing up* I'mma be thinkin' about that shit on my deathbed, bro.

Hit the jump for a couple closeups.

Continue Reading " Finally, A Decent Rotisserie In A Briefcase "

Oct 31 2011 Google Street View: Now With Store Interiors

Google is going to start offering businesses the opportunity to have the interiors of their stores photographed and available on Google Street View. That way a user can...see the inside of a store? WHAT THE -- A COMIC BOOK STORE WITH COMICS INSIDE?! *brain explodes shooting cobwebs like Spiderman*

Business owners are told they must warn their customers and employees about the photoshoot before it begins. Google has promised it will blur out or refuse to publish any images that include bystanders.

The photoshoots will produce 360-degree images using fish-eye and wide-angle lenses as well as stills. Business owners are also invited to upload their own pictures.

*tries Street Viewing every strip club I can think of* Damn, nary an areola. Oooh ooooh -- *Street Views Cinnabon* Mmmm, now that's what I'm talking about. *lathering chest with icing and crushed pecans*

Example Comic Book Store and Guitar Shop
and
Google Street View now takes you inside buildings [msnbc]

Thanks to Lynn, who agrees they should expand the service to include restaurants' kitchens. Yeah! ...Are those hot wings on the floor?

Oct 31 2011 JK Rowling Considered Offing Ron Weasley

JK Rowling, best known for her initials being the same as the acronym for just kidding (jk jk!), considered offing redheaded stepchild Ron Weasley in the middle of the Harry Potter franchise because she's sick she was in a "dark place", despite the fact she was a multi-millionaire before the third book even came out. Hey -- I guess money doesn't buy happiness after all. Except mine. It would definitely buy mine.

When asked if she had anticipated any of the main characters dying in the series, she said: "Funnily enough, I planned from the start that none of them would die.

"Then midway through, which I think is a reflection of the fact that I wasn't in a very happy place, I started thinking I might polish one of them off. Out of sheer spite. 'There, now you definitely can't have him any more.

"But I think in my absolute heart of heart of hearts, although I did seriously consider killing Ron, I wouldn't have done it."

Admittedly, I can commiserate with Rowling on this one. Just not as a writer, as a person who makes decisions based on sheer spite. HOHO, YOU LIKE THE NOSE, DON'T YOU, FACE?! WELL TOO BAD! *takes potato peeler to nose* I smoked PCP!

JK Rowling admits she was thinking of killing off Ron Weasley [telegraph]

Thanks to Lord Voldemort (who was all for the decision) and Christine, who were pissed with Rowling's decision to kill off Boromir while he was trying to protect Merry and Pippin.

Oct 31 2011 Of Course He Did: Idiot Moron Accidentally Cuts Off Own Arm With Homemade Guillotine

Seen here looking exactly how I'd imagine the homemade guillotine constructed by a homeless man in the woods would look like, the bum-built guillotine responsible for severing its maker's arm pauses for a photo op. *holding up camera* Over here, over here -- by the deer skull nailed to a tree!

Police say the guillotine unexpectedly dropped on the man's shoulder Thursday at makeshift camp where he was living.

The man ran to a nearby medical clinic, leaving the his arm behind.

Officers checked a wooded area near the clinic and discovered the man's camp.

At the location, officers found the guillotine and severed arm.

Officers say the guillotine was constructed out of 2 by 6 by at least 12-feet tall timbers that the man found by scavenging the local area.

Now I'm not saying a homeless man living in the woods with a homemade guillotine is obviously up to no good, but...yes, yes I am. It's probably good he cut that arm off when he did.

Man Loses Arm in Freak Homemade Guillotine Accident [fox40]

Thanks to syccness, who wants to know how many squirrels ol' One-arm put through that thing.

Oct 31 2011 Trunk Monster Mobile Halloween Decorations

Geekologie Reader Monta lives out in the boonies and doesn't decorate his house for Halloween because nobody would see it (plus houses out in the sticks are usually scary enough). So what did he do? Constructed a mechanical monster that hides in the trunk of his car and opens the lid to peek out at the cars behind him at red lights. Hoho -- bringing Halloween to the people, I'll allow it. As a matter of fact, my brother actually has a pretty sweet Mercury Grand Marquis, I'll see if I can't convince him to do something similar. Hey Frank -- what do you say we install a monster in the trunk of your car? "Absolutely f***ing not." Let me use it for a car chase scene I'm filming?

Hit the jump for a short video of the monster in action.

Continue Reading " Trunk Monster Mobile Halloween Decorations "

Oct 31 2011 "How To Drink And Still Wear A Mask": Geekologie Reader's Killer Robot Costume

This is Geekologie Reader Owain's killer robot Halloween costume. He's particularly proud of it because he found a way to still drink while wearing a mask. Clever, Owain. I mean I'm still gonna kill you, but clever.

Picture

Oct 31 2011 Drunk Yoda Busted For Hit & Run In Germany

"I'm f***in' faded bro -- I'm talkin' Dagobah drunk."

A 42-year old German man dressed as Yoda struck a pedestrian with his car and decided to try using the Force to make a quick getaway. Buuuuuuuuuuut he probably couldn't reach the peddles or something and police arrested him within minutes. It's Yoda's 68th DUI in 900 years.

After a pedestrian in Germany was struck by a vehicle that fled the scene, cops were able to find the car involved in the accident. Imagine their surprise when they found the driver was a a very drunk Yoda. Thankfully the pedestrian suffered only minor injuries. Our soused Jedi Master was taken down to the police station where he was administered a blood alcohol test, had his driver's license confiscated, and was sent on his way.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Same -- he should've asked Luke for a piggyback! "Carrying any womp-rat jerky in your backpack, are you? Give both pruney testicles to see your sister naked, I would. *Luke drop-kicks Yoda into a swamp* Peeing on your back, I was."

German cops arrest drunken Jedi Master Yoda following hit and run [weinterrupt]

Thanks to GrowlerTiamat, who's just happy to know there are still 42-year olds out there that still dress up like Yoda.

Oct 31 2011 Robotic Venus Flytraps Could Power The Future's Robots With Dead Stuff

These is a robotic Venus flytrap. It attracts and traps flies using technology and NOT yellow sticky tape (although that does work too and I do let my nephew pick the flies out and play with them). You know the saying, "you can't kill flies with a spear?" Well that's a lie, it just takes a Spartan. The hope is that robots of the future will be able to power themselves by consuming insects. Then small animals. Then us.

The tiny robots are modeled after the lobes of Venus flytraps, which snap shut as soon as sensitive hairs inside detect an alighting insect. One prototype, developed at Seoul National University, is made of shape-memory materials that switch between two states when subjected to a current. The other, made at the University of Maine, uses artificial muscles made of a gold nanomaterial.

Of course, it's still a pretty big leap to robots that can make use of whatever they've trapped inside their lobes. An insectivorious robot would probably have to transport the dead prey to some type of mechanical-chemical gut for digestion and caloric production, which would be quite a feat. But then again, we've seen it before with the EATR bot, so it's certainly possible.

Ahahahahahhaha, they don't even do anything once they've trapped a fly -- it's pure torture! I....can't say I'm surprised. Hungover, yes, but I went out dressed as Gandalf last night and drank my weight in Butterbeer. Mixing franchises? I'm still tipsy.

Robotic Venus Flytraps Will Trap Bugs and Eat Them For Fuel [popsci]

Thanks to Cobalt Sandwich, Peter and gunk, who're developing robots that draw energy from the non-marshmallow bits of breakfast cereal instead of living things.

Oct 28 2011 Smashing Pumpkins At 1,000 Frames/Second

See what I did there? It f***ing sucked, I know. This is a video of a bunch of pumpkins being smashed shot at 1,000 FPS set to some creepy-ass music. It's Halloween weekend, so I thought it would be appropriate. Also: making a lot of fake blood, getting drunk, then passing out in it on the kitchen floor to scare my roommate when he got home. Long story short I got way too drunk, was unresponsive, he freaked out, called the police, they came, woke me up with smelling salts and busted me for weed. So yeah, Halloween's off to a great start. For everyone celebrating this weekend INSTEAD OF ON ACTUAL HALLOWEEN, have fun, be safe, rot your teeth out with candy and I hope you all go home with the Harley Quinn of your dreams/Ninja Turtle of your fantasies. I should be around in between witch's brews so I might throw a couple posts up. Ooooooor just a bunch of mini candy bars (probably Snickers & Kit-Kats).

Hit the jump for the damn I need that song on my iTunes.

Continue Reading " Smashing Pumpkins At 1,000 Frames/Second "

Oct 28 2011 Justin Beeber's Custom Batman Cadillac

This is Justin Bibber's (I feel like if I never acknowledge him by spelling his name right maybe he'll go away) Batman Cadillac. It looks pretty cool. Well, at least until there's a scrawny 17-year old behind the wheel. Then it looks completely f***ing ridiculous.

Dubbed the Bat-illac [GW's note: I voted Beibmobile], the car is actually a Cadillac CTS-V customized by Ryan Friedlinghaus, the founder of West Coast Customs and star of the TLC reality series Street Customs...The Batman tribute features the comic book character's logo on the front and back of the car, with doors that open in reverse similar to the Rolls Royce Drop Head Phantom Coupé, and even has a "batmobile" nameplate on the trunk.

Good choice, Justin. Because if there's one thing I think when I think Batman IT'S A TWINKY 120-POUND R&B SINGER. Shit, even given your entire adult life you'll never be half as manly as Robin and he's 3/4's lady.

Hit the jump for a bunch more, the last of which includes the boy-wonder himself looking suspiciously like a miniature Tosh.0.

Continue Reading " Justin Beeber's Custom Batman Cadillac "

Oct 28 2011 The US Map Of What's Coming To Get You

Note: Slightly larger full-size version HERE.

What? It's Halloween weekend so this kind of post is appropriate. Although, truthfully, I'd also post this on Christmas Eve and you and I both know it. I keep it real! Also, a constant 72°F because I don't want it so hot that I start sweating, but I also don't want it so cold that my nips get hard because I'll rub them raw through my t-shirt. I...have issues. New AND out of print ones. I'm what you'd call a hot mess. Except it's only 68° in here so I'm actually a cold mess with painful nipples. This is a map of what the citizens of each state are afraid is coming to get them. Me? There's only one thing I'm worried about coming to get me -- the police. Just saying, you know how many skeletons I have in my closet? One -- the triceratops I stole from a museum!

What Is Coming To Get Us [verysmallarray]
via
The Thing People In Each US State Think Is Coming To Get Them [laughingsquid]

Thanks to Casey, who fears nothing but fear itself. Pluuuuuuuuus crazy people with knives, stepping on cracks, heights, dogs larger than 20-lbs, sleeping with less than three pillows, mirrors that aren't full length, and dreams where your pants don't fit.

Oct 28 2011 Impressive LEGO Mindstorm 'LCD' Clock

This is a clock made entirely out of LEGO/Technic pieces and two Mindstorms NXT micro-computers. Impressive, but I once made a clock out of nothing but the sun and a stick. Just kidding, that was a forest fire, but still.

Mr. Andersson...calls his clock the Time Twister. It's powered by two LEGO Mindstorms NXT micro-computers chatting over Bluetooth. The master NXT keeps track of the time, handles the minute digits and never pays the slave NXT, despite it's important task of changing the hour digits as well as flashing the separator to indicate the second.

No word if there's an alarm option, but two plastic blocks knocking together probably wouldn't wake you up anyways. Unless -- UNLESS -- they're in the hands of a child. Kids can wake you up with anything, including a stare from across the room. They're little devils!

Hit the jump for a video of the clock in action.

Continue Reading " Impressive LEGO Mindstorm 'LCD' Clock "

Oct 28 2011 Karmasheetra: Color-Coded How To Get It On

Karmasheetra is a £19.99 (~$32) bedsheet that shows you how to GET. IT. ON. Before you go running out to buy one though: you have to have two people. Otherwise you're just doing yoga. Just slap your ass, hands and knees on the numbers corresponding to the particular position you've chosen, and presto!, you're not disappointing your lover for once. Kidding, of course you still are. I actually bought one before reading the directions and thought you were supposed to play it like Twister. I wound up banging the back of my own knee. I'm not really proud of it, but I DID just tell you, so obviously I'm not really that ashamed either.

Hit the jump for one more shot and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " Karmasheetra: Color-Coded How To Get It On "

Oct 28 2011 7,000 Broken Wine Bottle River In Liquor Store

Ever wanted to see what it looks like when a shelving unit collapses in a liquor store sending almost 7,000 bottles of adult grape juice crashing to the floor? This. This is what that looks like. Although, if it'd happened anywhere near here, you also would have also seen a guy paddle by in a canoe sucking that shit up with a wet-dry vac. You think I'm too proud to drink out of a vacuum? I've eaten out of them before.

Hit the jump for the Jesus could've done it better.

Continue Reading " 7,000 Broken Wine Bottle River In Liquor Store "

Oct 28 2011 No Longer Just Huffable: Edible Spraypaint

I actually posted The Deli Garage's food spraypaint last year, but that was before they were advertising the shit WITH GOLDEN CHICKENS. Which -- you think they lay golden eggs? God, where were you on this, McDonalds? Just think: "Strike it rich in taste this fall with our all-new golden nuggets!" That one was free, the rest are gonna cost you....IN McRIBS. The tasteless (both kinds!) paint comes in gold, silver, pink and blue and costs $35 a can. Wait -- $35 A CAN?! Craft glitter it is.

Hit the jump for a couple more delicious-looking metallic treats and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " No Longer Just Huffable: Edible Spraypaint "

Oct 28 2011 Zomboodle: Zombie Shaved/Painted Poodle

Now that -- that's the look of a happy dog.

Zombie Poodle [boingboing]

Thanks to Birknasty, who agrees this is why we can't have nice things.

Oct 27 2011 For The Ladies: Conceptual Stiletto Implants

The day stiletto heel implants become reality is the day I'm slingshoting myself into the sun. And, knowing my luck, missing and winding up orbiting the solar system for all eternity. Remind me to pack cyanide capsules. Also: some really bright LEDs (I want children to be able to find me with a telescope).

Hit the jump for one more shot of the you'll never run again.

Continue Reading " For The Ladies: Conceptual Stiletto Implants "

Oct 27 2011 I Invented That!: Screentop iPad Keyboards

The TouchFire is a clear silicon "tactile' keyboard cover for use with an iPad so you can touch-type without looking with better speed and accuracy. It's a Kickstarter project developed by Steve Isaac and Brad Melon Lemon Melmon, but already at almost 3x its initial financial goal. Mostly because everyone who's ever typed on an iPad invented this exact same thing in their head but were too lazy to manufacture them. Thankfully, I at least managed to sketch out a product design a couple months ago, so I might actually stand a chance of scoring some royalties. "This...is a bar tab with a stick figure doodle of a woman with giant boobs." Let me see that! OMG -- she's gonna break her back with those things!

Hit the jump for the way-too-long Kickstarter video and a link to the donate page ($45 gets you one when the come out. That's right -- $45 for a piece of molded silicon and a couple magnets. Who do these guys think they are, Apple?!).

Continue Reading " I Invented That!: Screentop iPad Keyboards "

Oct 27 2011 Transformer Ladybug Takes Off In Slow Motion

This is a video of a ladybug taking off shot at 7,000 frames/second. It's actually cooler than it sounds though ("good, because it sounds pretty f***ng lame") because you get to see the wings fold out from under its shell or whatever the hell the little red parts with the dots are called. You know what? Hold on a sec. *Wikipedia-ing* Elytra -- they're called elytra (singular: elytron). BOOM -- you actually learned something today. Granted it's nothing that's gonna get you anywhere (except in an entomologist's pants!), but that's what college is all about. That and pretending you're asleep while your freshman roommate is having sex until you can't keep quiet anymore and scream, "GO FOR THE BUTT, BEN!!" (True story)

Hit the jump for the video (of the ladybug, not my old dorm-mate).

Continue Reading " Transformer Ladybug Takes Off In Slow Motion "

Oct 27 2011 'Victorian On Mud Heap': Another Ultra-Impressive Dilapidated LEGO House

Note: Full-res desktop background version HERE.

Remember Mike Doyle's 60,000-piece LEGO Victorian house that'd been smashed by a tree? Well he's back with another build, this time a "110,000 - 130,000-piece Victorian perched atop a mud heap. Which, WHO BUILDS A HOUSE ON A MUD-HEAP?! That's just asking for trouble. Come on, you know what I'm talking about, house built on an old Indian burial ground!

5.5' x 6' x 3'

Black, white, dark and bluish gray, clear trans and black trans colors used.
No foreign materials (wood, glue, paint or otherwise) were used - this is pure Lego.
Photo retouching used only for adding contrast and color correction & background.
Approx 600 hours to build

600 hours?! Good lord, that's like...*trying to do the math, failing* a lot of days. "25." Twenty-five what? "Days." TILL MY BIRTHDAY?! "I thought you were born in August." How the f*** am I supposed to know, I wasn't even a day old when it happened!

Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups, but be sure to check out the link to Mike's MOC page for some worthwhile high-res shots.

Continue Reading " 'Victorian On Mud Heap': Another Ultra-Impressive Dilapidated LEGO House "

Oct 27 2011 He's Not Wearing A Helmet -- Hit Him With A Car!: A Little Bicycle-Riding Robot

Because there's literally no reason to, somebody went and made a little bicycle riding robot. Admittedly, I was impressed he didn't have to use training wheels. Because my little sister had to use training wheels until she was 16. And -- AND -- training pants. Oh man, you should have heard me whenever she brought a boy home. Hey Becky -- did you tell your little friend here about how you pee yourself whenever you get excited? Because she does that, bro -- be sure to tell all your friends! Plus she was born with a testicle. Our parents are still saving to have it removed. And THAT is how you keep your little sister a virgin through all of high school.

Hit the jump for a video of the bike-bot in action.

Continue Reading " He's Not Wearing A Helmet -- Hit Him With A Car!: A Little Bicycle-Riding Robot "

Oct 27 2011 One Ton Pumpkin Carved Into Zombie Scene

This is the world's largest pumpkin (1,818.5-pounds -- not actually a ton like I said in the title because I'm a dirty liar) carved into a giant zombie scene by pumpkin impaler Ray Villafane. Impressive, right? WRONG. Cinderella's pumpkin carriage was at least four times that size and you could ride in it. "That was just a fairy tale." Was it? Then how do you explain...THIS?! "A buttplug?" No dummy, it's Cinderella's ass slipper. "Please tell me you're joking." I kept it in for a week straight -- Prince Charming's mine!

Hit the jump for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " One Ton Pumpkin Carved Into Zombie Scene "

Oct 27 2011 Sky Shadows: Mt. Rainier At Sunrise Casting Its Shadow ON THE CLOUDS ABOVE

This is Mt. Rainier in Washington state casting its shadow on the clouds above at sunrise. You know, because mountains can do that. Also: be brokeback. It's true, I remember seeing a movie about it once. The Notebook maybe?

Mt. Rainier is a volcano, climbing to a height of over 14,000 feet (4300 meters). There are no other mountains anywhere near that height nearby, so it's really prominent in the landscape (by comparison, there are several fourteeners, as they're called, in the Rockies, so they don't stick out as much though they're still breathtaking). The rising Sun catches the peak, and the shadow is cast on the underside of the cloud layer.

Beautiful. I've actually seen the Grand Canyon at sunset before and lemme tell you -- it's a real spiritual experience. Especially if you're on mushrooms and convinced you're an Indian shaman. I summoned a f***ing eagle, bro.

Hit the jump for a bunch more from different angles and locations but follow the links for some high-res shots.

Continue Reading " Sky Shadows: Mt. Rainier At Sunrise Casting Its Shadow ON THE CLOUDS ABOVE "

Oct 27 2011 OMG -- Just Like Luke Skywalker!: Man Gets Smartphone Dock Installed In Prosthetic Limb

Trevor Prideaux doesn't have a left forearm but does have a smartphone. Now? Now he has a prosthetic forearm with a smartphone inside. Good lookin', Trevor, we're actually pretty similar today (I have a Nokia in my ass I'm gonna try to sneak to a friend in the clink).

He said: "From owning a mobile phone and with the invention of the iPhone, it became clear that this piece of technology was not ideally suited to be used with only one hand.

"When testing an iPhone, with the thoughts of purchase, I had to balance it on my prosthetic limb to text.

Trevor contacted Apple to try and get hold of a blank iPhone casing to test it out, but he said the communications giant refused to co-operate.

Apple: they don't care about your disability. Also, how you gonna name something a Genius Bar and not serve drinks? Hey blue-shirt -- double bourbon with an ice cube. "We don't actually sell alcohol here." Oh you don't, do you? Well! *popping wheelchair wheelies through the MacBooks*

Man gets smartphone dock built into prosthetic arm [telegraph]

Thanks to Thaylor and drippy, who agree a prosthesis with a motion-based charger would've been even more impressive. Yeah -- this is just a fake arm with a hole cut out!

Oct 27 2011 Three-Eyed Nuclear 'Simpsons' Fish Caught

Seen here looking like about 40 fish sticks, a group of fishermen caught this three-eyed Simpsons 'blinky' fish in a lake near a nuclear power plant in Argentina. Jealous cyclops shark is jealous! Per Babel Fish (how appropriate!) translation:

"We were fishing and we took the surprise to remove this rare unit. As it were at night then we did not realize, but later it watched it to one with a lantern and it saw that it had a third eye", related Julian Zmutt, one of the fishermen.

Zmutt assured that it is the first time that happens to him and that the finding began to worry to the population because "it begins to speak of the nuclear power station".

Not gonna lie, I'd probably err on the side of safety and just not fish in the lake by the nuclear power plant. Bathe, sure, but I've always wanting a glowing peen that could guide me to the bathroom at night without having to turn on any lights. *methodically waving wiener down hallway like a movie usher*

Hit the jump for a closeup of the jeepers, creepers, seriously WHERE THE F*** did you get those peepers?!

Continue Reading " Three-Eyed Nuclear 'Simpsons' Fish Caught "

Oct 26 2011 Of Course: Diamond-Dispensing ATMs

Seen here looking suspiciously like it was made out of foam-board and an old computer monitor, a diamond and jewel dispensing ATM participates (possibly unwillingly -- ATMs are hard to read sometimes) in a ribbon-cutting ceremony in India. Although, truthfully, they're not actually ATMs, just jewelry vending machines. OLD IDEA IS OLD -- 25¢ rings.

The Gitanjali Group, which claims to be the world's biggest integrated manufacturer of branded jewelry, opened the machine in a luxury shopping mall in the city Sunday and said that it already served a "substantial number of customers."

With prices ranging from 1,000 rupees ($20.17) to 30,000 rupees, customers can pay by cash or credit card for products ranging from gold coins etched with an image of Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth, to diamond-studded pendants in the shape of a swastika, which in India is an ancient religious symbol of unity.

So I guess jewelry-dispensing ATMs ($20 to $600? That...doesn't sound like very quality jewelry) are the new gold-dispensing ATMs. Me? I'm this year's knowledge-dispensing ATM. Just kidding, but for a quarter I will tell you a secret. "Fine." I don't like olives. "That's not a secret!" ...Because I've eaten one that's been between another man's buttcheeks. College, amirite?! "Absolutely f***ing not." Right.

World's First Diamond-Dispensing ATM Launches in India [foxnews]

Thanks to Lauren, who doesn't buy jewelry, jewelry is bought for her. Oh man, I saved up like $220 to buy a highschool girlfriend a necklace from Tiffany & Co. and then spent it on an R/C car instead and called her to break up and told her it was because I was moving out of town even though we both knew it was because her eyes were too far apart.

Oct 26 2011 Terminator Legs Walk With No Added Power

Seen here blowing a dapper old man's mind, a pair of metal Terminator legs go for a stroll on a treadmill without any motors or added power. Magic? No -- physics. Okay, magic.

"This robot is walking down a slope, and its only source of power is potential energy. It doesn't use any kind of motor or control, so we think it's very environmentally friendly."

"The robot has three main parts: thighs, lower legs, and ankles. It's made of aluminum, and it contains only mechanical components, which have been adjusted so that the robot has the same thigh and leg lengths as a person, and weighs the same."

In a walking test last year, this robot walked continuously for 13 hours, taking 100,000 steps and going 15 km. That achievement has been listed in the Guinness Book of Records.

Aaaaaaaaah, it only works downhill -- I knew there had to be a catch. Man, that makes it like, way less impressive. I thought we were hot on the heels(!) of a perpetual motion machine, but nooooooooooooo. Hey scientists: you know what else can walk down hills? Wheels. Back me up, caveman. Caveman? *audience screaming* ...He's behind me dragging a woman around by the hair, isn't he?

Hit the jump for two videos, the second of which has human-sized "muscles" added to the legs to make them look even creepier.

Continue Reading " Terminator Legs Walk With No Added Power "

Oct 26 2011 Batman's Arkham City Costume Made IRL

This is Batman's costume from the Arkham City game made in real life by the folks at The FX Labs. Am I going to steal it and wear it on Halloween? No. Am I going to steal it and wear it everyday except Halloween? Yes (I've already committed to going as a sexy XBox controller).

Although it was difficult to make the suit wearable because "nobody in the world is proportioned like [Batman]," the FX Lab pulled it off by stitching together several flexible pieces that move with the wearer.

They didn't sacrifice accuracy, either. They even emulated the way the suit can look blue or grey depending on the light.

Awesome, it even gives you fake muscles and everything -- not that I need them! *flicking syringe, injects* "Please tell me those weren't steroids." Oh f*** no, that was 100% horse tranquili-- *collapses drooling onto own crotch*

Hit the jump for a couple different angles/closeups.

Continue Reading " Batman's Arkham City Costume Made IRL "

Oct 26 2011 Yeti 'Evidence' Photos From Siberian Trek

This is a series of photographs depicting the "irrefutable" Yeti evidence found in Siberia during the recent hunt for the elusive (read: make-believe) creature. This photo here depicts what Yeti experts (read: crazy dipshits) are calling a Yeti "nest", because apparently they lay eggs now and hatch the storks that bring babies to expectant mothers. I know, I always thought that was the Phoenix's job too. My whole world's been turned upside down!

Hit the jump for a photo gallery consisting predominately of broken tree branches.

Continue Reading " Yeti 'Evidence' Photos From Siberian Trek "

Oct 26 2011 Stop Polluting Our Oceans!: Another 8-Ft LEGO Minfig Washes Up, This Time In Florida

Because somebody has nothing better to do than build giant LEGO minifigs and dump them in the ocean, 8-foot tall 'Ego Leonard' (yes, he has a f***ing name) washed up on a Florida beach yesterday. No word if he was assaulted by any sharks on his trek, but hopefully he at least got to see some mermaid titties. *daydreaming* In my mind their nips look like sand dollars.

The Lego man in Florida had his name written on the back of his plastic shirt above the number 8. On the front, the phrase "no real than you are." Ego Leonard's website shows that there are more Lego men just like him circumnavigating the globe in order to learn about our world and thoughts.

"My name is Ego Leonard and according to you I come from the virtual world. A world that for me represents happiness, solidarity, all green and blossoming, with no rules or limitations. Lately however, my world has been flooded with fortune-hunters and people drunk with power. And many new encounters in the virtual world have triggered my curiosity about your way of life. I am here to discover and learn about your world and thoughts."

Wow, making up some hippy-ass stories for giant LEGO minifigs you dumped in the ocean? That is just...wow. Clearly SOMEBODY needs to find a new damn hobby. Get it? Me -- I've been collecting boogers!

Hit the jump for a video of a guy filming him and talking almost as much nonsense as the minifig itself.

Continue Reading " Stop Polluting Our Oceans!: Another 8-Ft LEGO Minfig Washes Up, This Time In Florida "

Oct 26 2011 I Said Cool Down, You're Cookin' My Meat!: Nest, The Learning, Burning Thermostat

Nest is a new $250 thermostat. It looks different from other thermostats because it's round and shiny instead of boxy and off-white. Plus it learns every time you rotate the dial to change the temperature. That way, it knows when you're sound asleep to short-circuit and burn the house down!

Nest learns from your temperature adjustments, programs itself to keep you comfortable, and guides you to energy savings. You can control the thermostat from anywhere using a smartphone, tablet or laptop, and Nest never stops learning, even as your life and the seasons change.

Admittedly, it does sound better than anything else on the market. Of course, the last time I went to the thermostat market was F***ING NEVER, so I could be wrong. God, remember before thermostats existed and you had to regulate the temperature by opening windows and setting wastebaskets of animal fur on fire? No? Sooooooooooo....you're not from the 1700's? Because you look like you could be.

Hit the jump for a brief ad, and a demo of how the thing works.

Continue Reading " I Said Cool Down, You're Cookin' My Meat!: Nest, The Learning, Burning Thermostat "

Oct 26 2011 Hoverballs!: Japanese Defense Ministry Shows Off More Of Its Flying Drone Sphere

We last saw the Japanese Defense Ministry's spherical flying drone trying to spy on a lady in her apartment, and now its back being demonstrated in front of a roomful of reporters. COME ON BRO, NO LOOPTY-LOOPS?!

The video below shows the drone doing everything it was designed to do: zipping around omnidirectionally, rolling across the floor, and staying aloft even when it strikes--or is struck by--an obstacle.

Perhaps most impressive: the thing is built with off-the-shelf parts and costs a ridiculously lean $1,400. For that you get airborne speeds topping out at nearly 40 miles per hour and stability backed up by three on-board gyros that keep the thing aloft even when it runs into objects. Not bad bang for your buck.

$1,400? Damn, I've actually racked up bigger bills out to dinner. Who knew ordering "two bottles of the oldest wine you've got, Frenchie!" could be so expensive? SPOILER: Not me -- I always sneak out before dessert and leave my dates with the tab! Internet dating FTW.

Hit the jump for a video of the drone in action.

Continue Reading " Hoverballs!: Japanese Defense Ministry Shows Off More Of Its Flying Drone Sphere "

Oct 26 2011 'Fully Functional' Nikon D3 Camera Costume

This is Tyler Card's homemade Nikon D3 Halloween costume. It actually takes pictures because SPOILER: he has a real Nikon camera mounted inside the lens by his belly button. Still, it does flash and have a monitor on the back for previewing photos, so that's something. Something I'm gonna jump-kick in a Ninja Turtle costume!

The camera's body, which is modeled after a Nikon D3, is mostly made of cardboard held together with tape, with a painted scavenged plastic bucket serving as the lens. But Tyler went above and beyond the call of duty this year. Inside the lens sits his actual Nikon DSLR, which is triggered by the costume's shutter button. The large flash over his head contains a working wireless strobe, lighting up a room with every shot, while the LCD display from an old Dell laptop is mounted to the back of the camera, providing instant image previews of every photo he takes.

Impressive, Ty, but what good is a giant camera costume if you can't even take pictures up Rainbow Brite's skirt? Here, check out these shots I took with a shoe camera last Halloween. "I see nothing but balls." Haha! I went as a Scotsman.

Hit the jump for two videos, a short one of the camera in action, and a longer one of the build.

Continue Reading " 'Fully Functional' Nikon D3 Camera Costume "

Oct 25 2011 Worst Applause Ever: Robotic Clapping Hands

In the future robots will do your clapping for you after they've torn you limb from limb and are harvesting your life force to power the Matrix or whatever. So you'll at least have that going for you. A good job and loving relationship? LOLOL!

Masato Takahashi of Japan's Keio University has created a set of robot hands for situations where a whole robot really isn't necessary.

He says the "Ondz" robotic clappers can be used to add to the sound of a crowd at a live performance, as real-life clapping avatars for Internet viewers who can't be at the show, or for spanking.

First of all, these things don't even sound like clapping -- they sound like a guy on speed beating his limp blimpie against a bus seat. Secondly, I-- "Whoa whoa whoa, let's go back to the wiener and the bus seat thing." WHY? "I'm curious!" God, of course you are. Take the 10/48 bus leaving the corner of Melrose and La Brea at 6:01 tomorrow morning and all will be revealed.

Hit the jump for the WTF'ery in action.

Continue Reading " Worst Applause Ever: Robotic Clapping Hands "

Oct 25 2011 Netflix Lost 800,000 Subscribers This Quarter

The losses were larger than management had previously warned. The unwelcome surprise, contained in financial results released on Monday, was compounded by a forecast calling for millions of Netflix Inc's DVD-by-mail subscribers to cancel the service in reaction to dramatic price increase that took effect last month.

Despite the loss in subscribers stateside, Netflix is still said to be the biggest single source of North American web traffic, accounting for 24.71 per cent of use.

DAMN! 24.71% of North American web traffic is watching streaming movies -- that's nuts! I'd like to see the breakdown for the rest. "75% porn, 0.23% work." And what about Geekologie?! "You're like that last little drop of pee that comes out of your wiener even after you shake it." Awwwww, you mean it?

Netflix stock plunges after company reveals 800,000 customers quit in biggest loss to date [dailymail]

Thanks to Karsten, who watches his movies the old fashioned way: in black and white and silence. Ooh ooh -- I know this one. A penguin!

Oct 25 2011 Mark Your Calendars!: Rockstar Announces Grand Theft Auto 5 Trailer Coming Next Week

Because we live in a world where ANNOUNCING an upcoming trailer for a video game is news, Rockstar will be dropping a video for Grand Theft Auto 5 next week on November, 2nd. Truthfully, I only wrote this so next week when I'm going through the previous week's posts hating myself for everything I've written, I remember to find and post the video. So I guess this was really more for me than you. Sorry.

Grand Theft Auto 5 trailer promise makes Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 and Battlefield 3 a lot less exciting [mirror] (somebody was really going for the gusto with that title!)

Thanks to ChaosLex and Julian, who agree marking your calendars is practically worthless if you're prone to passing out for days on end. No kidding! It's, uh, it's October already?

Oct 25 2011 Terrifying Crawling Zombie R/C Contraption

This is a homemade crawling R/C car zombie. The way it moves is just...terrifying. If I saw that thing crawling through a neighbor's lawn after dark there's no doubt in my mind I'd f***ing stomp it into pieces. Oooooooooooor run screaming. Fight or flight, you know? Darwinism. "That has nothing to do with Darwinism." I like turtles.

Hit the jump for the short video.

Continue Reading " Terrifying Crawling Zombie R/C Contraption "

Oct 25 2011 I'd Take Him Trick-Or-Treating: Lil Link Cosplay

If I had a son I would hands-down dress him as Link every day of his Ganon-forsaken life. Same goes if it was a girl. Or a pet. Haha, Chloe knows what I'm talking about! This is a little gallery (and video) of a little Link cosplaying in the forest with his fairy companion Navi. Navi...is annoying. She's the kind of fairy I'd go into the woods with but then come out alone. Know what I'm saying? I'm saying I'd sell her to that old witch for a blue potion.

Hit the jump for several more pictures and a short video, but be sure to check out the artist's DeviantART for even more.

Continue Reading " I'd Take Him Trick-Or-Treating: Lil Link Cosplay "

Oct 25 2011 ¡Yo Quiero Tanko Bells! (I Got Nothing): Homemade Chihuahua Tank Costume

Well, it's the week before Halloween -- and you all know what that means. "Undigested candy corn in my stool?" *horf* WHAT?! No. God you're sick. "Look who's talking!" WHERE?! "Nevermind." Haha, I knew what you meant I just refused to knowledge it. This is a video of the Taco Bell dog showing off his cardboard tank costume complete with functional treads. Plus halfway through the video you get to see the dog's owner who dressed up as a girl who shops at Baby Gap and hates cheeseburgers. Creative!

Hit the jump for the short (literally, that guy can't even be a foot tall) video as well as a preliminary weapons test.

Continue Reading " ¡Yo Quiero Tanko Bells! (I Got Nothing): Homemade Chihuahua Tank Costume "

Oct 25 2011 The United State's Last "Most Powerful Nuclear Bomb" Is Being Disassembled

Seen here looking suspiciously like a Photoshopped propane tank, the last B53 nuclear bomb -- a bomb approximately 600x more powerful than the one dropped on Hiroshima, is being disassembled in Texas. And being assembled in Texas? I dunno, probably a monster truck.

The completion of the dismantling program is a year ahead of schedule, according to the U.S. Department of Energy's National Nuclear Security Administration, and aligns with President Barack Obama's goal of reducing the number of nuclear weapons.

Since it was made using older technology by engineers who have since retired or died, developing a disassembly process took time. Engineers had to develop complex tools and new procedures to ensure safety.

The weapon is considered dismantled when the roughly 300 pounds of high explosives inside are separated from the special nuclear material, known as the pit. The uranium pits from bombs dismantled at Pantex will be stored on an interim basis at the plant, Cunningham said.

You know why the government is disassembling nuclear bombs? "An effort to ensure the survival of humanity?" Daaaaaw, you're cute. No -- because we've already developed something even more devastating. Look at us everybody, we're taking all our nukes apart! *quietly aiming moon-laser at Russia*

US's most powerful nuclear bomb being dismantled [yahoonews]

Thanks to Matt, who agrees you can't trust anything a government tells you, particularly if it's important.

Oct 25 2011 Of Course He Is: Guy One-Hand Juggles Two Rubik's Cubes, Solves Another In Other Hand

A video of a guy juggling two Rubik's cubes while simultaneously solving another? Of course, this is the f***ing internet, people -- did you forget?!

Hit the jump for the I could do that but I just don't want to.

Continue Reading " Of Course He Is: Guy One-Hand Juggles Two Rubik's Cubes, Solves Another In Other Hand "

Oct 25 2011 Finally!: Superhero Socks With Own Capes

This is a pair of women's Robin (of "holy how about a reach-around for once, Batman?" fame) socks with integrated capes. They cost $13. The company also sells Wonderwoman and Superman socks, but those are argyle and lacking capes. Which, let's not kid ourselves, are what make these socks. Jk jk, children in the Philippines, but still.

Hit the jump for shots of the others, just don't expect any capes or your ass is gonna be sore(ly disappointed).

UPDATE: 80's Tees actually DOES sell Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman socks with capes. Pictures of those and a link to the product page added after the jump.

Continue Reading " Finally!: Superhero Socks With Own Capes "

Oct 24 2011 Pixar's Hopping Lamp Halloween Costume

I assume a good amount of you have already seen this, but for those of you who ONLY visit Geekologie for your news, well, you obviously have good heads on your shoulders. Unfortunately, your brains are probably f***ed. This is a video of a guy dressed up as Luxo Jr. the Pixar lamp for Halloween. He titled the video 'best costume ever!' which isn't even remotely accurate considering I was a yellow peanut M&M one year. This is just a really, really clever costume. You can tell it's not the best though because 1. you have to f***ing hop everywhere and 2. how are you supposed to see and, even more importantly, DRINK? "Who knows, maybe he put a vodka-soaked tampon in his ass." LOLWUT?!?! I'm not the only one who does that?

Hit the jump for a short demonstration of the that would get old quick.

Continue Reading " Pixar's Hopping Lamp Halloween Costume "

Oct 24 2011 You Did It Wrong: How Not To Win The Lottery

Not gonna lie, if I were this guy I'd probably be sitting in the dark with a bottle of bourbon right now thinking long and hard about ending it all. "Sooooooooooo...a typical Monday night?" You commenters did this to me.

Seriously? This October 21st 2011 Euromillions Ticket Holder Needs a Hug [obviouswinner]

Thanks to khz, who's never won the lottery but he and I are friends in real life, so pretty close.

Oct 24 2011 So Can I!: Fish Can Communicate With Toots

Mine usually say, "this seat's taken".

Fish: just like people, they can toot. Sure scientists might try to argue herring are the only ones that bust ass in the traditional sense, but that's bullsh*t because I used to have an aquarium with all kinds of fish in there and sometimes when they were going #2 you could see little air bubbles come out before and after the actual fishstick. WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU CALL THAT?! Anyway, apparently herring can use toots to communicate with each other in their schools. In any other school? You'd get made fun of so bad you'd have to transfer. Haha -- Miranda Bigstuff from second grade knows what I'm talking about! That thing echoed off her hard plastic seat so loud you'd have sworn a fat man just farted into a bullhorn. Even Mrs. Hindman was laughing so bad she couldn't finish writing the vocab words on the chalkboard and had to excuse herself out to the hallway! After that day, I never saw Miranda again.

Hit the jump for 30-second of herring toots explained in a National Geographic video.

Continue Reading " So Can I!: Fish Can Communicate With Toots "

Oct 24 2011 Reminder Bracelets: Watch Shaped Post-Its

Post-It's: you write something on them (usually 'KICK ME IN THE ASS HARD') and stick them to things (usually a person's back), simple as that. And now they make them shaped like watches so you can wear them around your wrist like lil reminder bracelets (that string-around-the-finger shit don't work!). Meeting at 10AM? Slap it on there! Need to remember to pick up some TP from from the grocery store? They work for that too. Plus if somebody asks you for the time you can be a smartass and show them your fake watch Post-It! "I asked for the time, this says 'strawberries, chocolate and lube'." F*** yeah it does -- it's almost sexy time, fool!

Watch It! Wristwatch-Shaped Post-It Notes [wired]

Thanks to TGSNTM, who's never stuck a 'kick me' sign to my back before but did catch me trailing toilet paper out the top of my shorts one time. God I'm an embarrassment.

Oct 24 2011 Impressive 'Nightmare Before Christmas' Syncronized Halloween Light Show

This is a Halloween light show synchronized to the Nightmare Before Christmas hit 'This is Halloween'. It was made by the same guy that did last year's 'Thriller' light show, because this dude simply CANNOT WAIT until Christmas to break out the blinky lights and staple those f***ers all over the house. And can you blame him? If you're a crazy neighbor, absolutely. TURN IT OFF, DEVIL WORSHIPPER, GOOD CHRISTIANS ARE TRYING TO SLEEP OVER HERE!

Hit the jump for the video.

Continue Reading " Impressive 'Nightmare Before Christmas' Syncronized Halloween Light Show "

Oct 24 2011 Microsoft Billionaire Wants to Mine The Moon

Seen here proving the moon isn't nearly as inhospitable as NASA would lead you to believe, an astronaut practices drilling the moon while simultaneously sucking the mana out of a dude in a camo hat. And now billionaire Naveen Jain wants to get up there and mine the man in the moon's face off. Oh come on, his complexion is already bad enough!

Jain's company, Moon Express, Inc., has already been awarded $10 million by NASA, and plans to establish a mining operation on the moon's surface within a couple of years.

And this is economically viable?

Yes, says Jain. The most expensive part -- reaching the moon -- can be done for under a hundred million dollars -- "a pittance," he says. "There's a tremendous amount of waste in the government," explains Jain. With NASA's space shuttle program shuttered, Jain sees an opportunity. "Private companies can do things better."

It's so true -- there really is such a tremendous amount of waste in the government. Also: in my toilet bowl. "You're sick, GW!" Am I? Or am I an environmentalist? "That shit is ORANGE bro, you're definitely sick." Okay you might be onto something.

The 'self-made' billionaire who wants to mine the moon [theweek]

Thanks to billcollider, who also wants to mine the moon, but isn't a billionaire. Hey, same here. And why didn't weeeeeee get a news story?!

Oct 24 2011 Replicating Robot Builds Friends Out Of Foam

This is a video of a replicator that can "build" robotic compadres out of modular robot bits and spray-foam. I'm not really sure spray-foam is the best choice for a material to build robots out of but...wait. I take that back, foam robots sound like a great idea. That shit's flammable, son!

The Foambot consists of a basic wheeled cart, along with several jointed modules. The Foambot sprays these with the self-hardening insulating foam to connect them up.

The aim, says the bot's developers, is to create a robot that can deal with unknown circmstances - disaster recovery, intelligence gathering, troop support, planetary exploration and the like.

"Modular robots aim to address this requirement by having many modules from a small set of module types, that can be rearranged into a robot morphology to accomplish the desired task," they say.

Now before you all go questioning what harm a robot made of foam could really even do, consider this: one time I went to foam party in college and wound up getting some on my face and developing pink eye. My point is this: it's pretty obvious now I wasn't the only one peeing in that foam.

Hit the jump for a video of the thing making a quadruped robot which gets pretty scary looking around 2:10 when it starts moving.

Continue Reading " Replicating Robot Builds Friends Out Of Foam "

Oct 24 2011 Not Quite There Yet: Humanity's Progress In Developing Star Trek's Technologies

Note: I had to cut the graphic so it didn't make the Geekologie front page an internet-mile long, hit the jump to see the whole thing.

This is an infographic charting humanity's progress on developing the different technologies from Star Trek. For some we're totally there already, for others we've got a looooooooong way to go. Personally, I'm most looking forward to transporters. Remember that time when Scotty had to beam the gang up in a hurry and the transporter malfunctioned and Kirk came back with his legs swapped and a penis for an arm? Man, I want a penis for an arm.

Hit the jump for the whole thing.

Continue Reading " Not Quite There Yet: Humanity's Progress In Developing Star Trek's Technologies "

Oct 24 2011 United States Of AmericaAAAAAAH!: The State Map Guide To Scary Things

Note: I had to cut the map a little to make the words legible, click HERE for the whole damn thing including island states Alaska and Hawaii. "Alaska's not an island." Then why does it get its own box on weather maps?

I'm only scared of two things: ghosts and dying. And I'm only afraid of ghosts after dark (the nighttime is NOT the right time!) or when I'm alone. I'm actually afraid of dying all the time but that's because I live dangerously. And as the great philosopher Socrates once said, ho de anexetastos bios ou biôtos anthrôpôi -- the unexamined life is not worth living. "WTF does that have to do with anything?" F*** if I know, I was trying to sound smart to impress people!

The United States of Scary Things [pleatedjeans] (mine aren't pleated, just holey)
via
Geographic Infographic of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Randi, who only fears fear itself. Hoho -- a Lincoln quote, I'll allow it!*

*Please don't email me telling me it's an Eisenhower quote.**

**Please don't email me telling me it's actually an FDR quote.***

***You know what? Just don't email me period.

Oct 24 2011 Now With Wheels: A Radio Controlled AT-AT

This is an Imperial Walker R/C car made out of an Axial model and the top of an AT-AT toy by Christopher Aleria. Just imagine: what if AT-ATs had wheels instead of legs and Luke never tripped that one on Hoth and wound up perishing on the frozen planet? I dunno, but if you think I'm not gonna write some fan fiction about it this afternoon, you've got another thing coming! Namely, twelve to fourteen pages of parkas and wampa nips.

Imperial Crawler: l'AT-AT diventa una macchina RC! [hobbymedia]

Thanks to Massimo, who agrees the Imperial Army should've forgone legs altogether and invested in hover AT-ATs. Seriously bro, what were they thinking?!

Oct 23 2011 Clever Super Mario Themed Wedding Invites

You probably already saw these because they made their way around the internet last week like celebrity titty pics, buuuuuuuut I kept forgetting to post them. Hey -- you know what deadbeat dads who don't show up until their children are rich say, don't you? "Better late than never?" Hey, that's pretty good -- I was actually gonna say, "remember me?" but yours is even better. These are custom Super Mario themed wedding invitations made by Larry T Quach for his friends Esther Tanouye and Ryan Watkins. You know how they say rain on your wedding day is good luck? I vomited during a friend's ceremony and they only lasted two weeks. I HAVE THE POWAH.

Hit the jump to see the inside, some question mark block mementos, and the "vegetarian or beef" meal option cards.

Continue Reading " Clever Super Mario Themed Wedding Invites "

Oct 23 2011 Backflip Skateboard To Skateboard Transfer

Sweet trick, bro. I actually tried something similar on a friend's board outside the bar Friday except not really it was just supposed to be a kickflip but I wound up hugging the pavement with cigarette butts stuck to my face. Plus I skinned a knee. So even more impressive if you like watching people hurt themselves.

Hit the jump for the I've broken my arm twice skateboarding and snowboarding and now it's bionic :/

Continue Reading " Backflip Skateboard To Skateboard Transfer "

Oct 21 2011 Getting Bombed: 'The Football' Party Briefcase

'The Football' is the nickname given to the briefcase containing the protocol and authorization codes for launching a nuclear offensive that's always carried by one of the president's nearby aides (Wikipedia article HERE). Except for this one. This one's filled with a party. Or, truthfully, more of a pre-party (those are only 375ml bottles!). The contents:

• 1 pair of handcuffs with 2 keys
• Engraved plaque, personalized with 2 lines of text
• 375 ml Patron Tequila
• 375 ml Grey Goose Vodka
• 10 Advil tablets
• 24 Tums Extra Strength chewable tablets
• (4) 2 oz Red Bull energy shots
• .37 oz tin of Altoids
• 0.5 oz of Bausch & Lomb eye drops
• 1 wine bottle opener
• 1 deck of cards
• 5 dice
• 350 ml Martini shaker
• 4 shot glasses

Unfortunately, the damn thing costs $500. Now I didn't do the math (I took a shot instead), but I imagine I could put a similar party-pack together for under $100, which is STILL too much. *tink tink tink* You hear that? JanSport full of warm beer cans, baby!

Product Site
via
The Football [thrillist]

Thanks to Jody, who knows you don't need a bunch of overpriced garbo to party hard, just a willingness to regret tonight, tomorrow. And to Bella Meow, who agrees the best way to not regret is to not remember. Haha, the ol' "beat your head on a nightstand as soon as you wake up" trick! It works, it really does.

Oct 21 2011 Microsoft Holodesk 3-D Interactive Display

This is a video of Microsoft's interactive Holodesk 3-D See-Through Display. Using it, you can manipulate virtual objects with your hands. Unfortunately, you can't actually "feel" the objects, making this 3-D rendering of a titty I just spent the last 30 minutes making in AutoCAD virtually useless. Ha, notice how I said VIRTUALLY. *prints out IRL and tapes to pillow*

Microsoft's Holodesk combines a Kinect sensor and a beam-splitter to create a virtual 3D environment that you can manipulate with your hands. The concept is simple enough: a top-mounted projector displays an image downward towards a work area, and a piece of half-silvered glass sends that image towards your eyeballs while still allowing you to see what's going on. Placing your hands inside the work area lets the Kinect sensor see what you're doing, and the display dynamically updates to let you virtually interact with objects that aren't really there.

The key to the whole system is a webcam that tracks the location of your head and eyes to make sure that the orientation of the projection stays constant

OHMIGOD -- being able to move virtual blocks around with my fingers?! What is this, 2050? It must be -- when real-life wooden blocks are extinct. "I think you're missing the point." Which is? "Being able to interact wi-- DON'T YOU WIPE THAT BOOGER ON ME!"

Hit the jump for a video demo.

Continue Reading " Microsoft Holodesk 3-D Interactive Display "

Oct 21 2011 Oh Look, More 'Real Life' Disney Princesses

Disney princesses: they're all terrible role-models. The Geekologie Writer: he's even worse. Still, I'm not the one on the television in front of thousands of impressionable young children right now. Although I certainly SHOULD be. Hey kids, it's me, the Geekologie Wizard! Send me all your parents' money or I'll cast a spell and make all your stuffed animals come to life and kill you. And if you even think about telling your parents so help me God I will crawl through this television like that girl in The Ring. Oh you've never seen The Ring? Cool, because it's coming on next! AND NO PERSONAL CHECKS YOU LITTLE SHITS.

Hit the jump for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " Oh Look, More 'Real Life' Disney Princesses "

Oct 21 2011 Guy Beats All Of Super Mario 64 With His Feet

This is one in a series of long-ass videos of a guy beating all of Super Mario 64 using nothing but his socked feet. He's not physically challenged (mentally, sure) or anything, he just decided to give it a go. Impressive brobro, but I once beat a part of Assassin's Creed with nothing but my mind. "That was a cut-scene." Haha, you got me. I was super high though so I really did think I was playing.

Hit the jump for a demo and the link to a page containing videos of every level (although why the f*** you'd want to watch all that is beyond me).

Continue Reading " Guy Beats All Of Super Mario 64 With His Feet "

Oct 21 2011 How To: Hypnotize And Balance A 10-Ft Shark

This is a picture of a diver balancing a ten foot shark vertically because apparently you can do that if you have balls big and heavy enough to keep you on the ocean floor. Which this lady clearly does.

[The diver] balanced a vertical 10-foot shark thanks to her unusual ability to put it into a trance. To create the state, the Italian diver rubs the ampullae of Lorenzini, the name give to hundreds of jelly-filled pores around the animal's nose and mouth. She has used the technique to remove parasites and fishing hooks caught in shark mouths.

Simple as that -- you just gotta rub the ampullae of Lorenzini around the nose and mouth. Pfft, and they made that Jaws movie seem like it was such a big deal! GOD, JUST RUB HIS LIPS, DUMMIES!

Yahoo

Thanks to Matt, who tried to convince me you can hypnotize a bull by dressing up like a milk-cow in heat. I've rarely felt so violated.

Oct 21 2011 Next Generation XBox Dropping In 2013?

Note: Picture completely f***ing ridiculous.

Is the next generation XBox coming in 2013? How am I supposed to know -- do I look like a video game insider? "No, you look like shit." EXAAACTL-- wait...

Develop reports that chip manufacturers and software middleware firms expect the next Xbox to be announced at E3 2013, with a launch following in time for the holidays. This would be a similar announcement-to-launch timeline as that of the Xbox 360, which was revealed just six months before the console hit retail in November 2005.

These reports follow a recent confirmation that various Microsoft employees are already on the next console team. Several LinkedIn accounts for Microsoft employees listed them as working on the hardware, with Jeff Faulkner pinpointed as creative director on "Xbox Next Gen."

So there you have it, there MIGHT be a new XBox before 2014. Also, an apocalypse. Christmas 2013: Halo 7 or a fiery death for everyone? Details at eleven.

Next Xbox to launch in 2013, report says [cnet]

Thanks to Tom and aliza, who agree the best thing about computer gaming is you can build a new console whenever you want.

Oct 21 2011 MC Hammer Launching Google Competitor

*knock knock*
Who's there? Hello -- HELLO?! I dunno, I think it's Google but all I can hear is laughing.

So MC Hammer is launching his own search engine. Is it gonna suck? Do I really need to answer that? But wait -- it's got deep searching. WTF is a deep search? No clue, but I did jump off a neighbor's roof clutching a friend's parachute pants one time. I dropped like a rock. Get it? He was still in them!

The project, called WireDoo, has been two years in the making, said Hammer (real name Stanley Burrell) Wednesday at the Web 2.0 summit in San Francisco.

"It's about relationships beyond just the keywords," he said, according to Mashable, a CNN.com content partner.

The rapper-turned-entrepreneur (after some late-90s difficulties) said a search would render not just direct results, but also information on possibly related topics. Its tagline is: "Search once and see what's related."

Oh man, this is going to suck so hard. Almost as bad as the search engine I developed that gave you results for THE OPPOSITE of whatever you searched. I thought, what better way to find out about something than to learn about its opposite. Plus there's penis pics on every page. My investors bailed.

MC Hammer launching his own search engine [cnn]

Thanks to Ferris and Brad, who still search the internet the old fashioned way: through AOL. Awwwwww shit -- meet in a chatroom?!

Oct 21 2011 X-Ray Vision Can See Through Concrete Wall

Bro I could see those chops through 20-feet of solid steel -- blindfolded.

Researchers at MIT have developed a way to crappily see through walls using amplified radar signals. Amplified radar? That has superpowers written all over it! "Actually it says, WARNING: RADIO FREQUENCY RADIATION HAZARD AREA." Please, they just say that to scare people. Now, crank that dial and keep mashing the button till I collapse.

The system figures out the distance to the wall, and only uses signals coming from farther away, effectively erasing the wall from the radar screen.

Although this technology could be extremely useful, it isn't x-ray vision in the Superman sense. It just gives an overhead view, showing targets on the other side of the wall as red blobs.

There's one other problem, too: at 8.5 feet long, the radar array is still far from being man-portable, making it impractical for use on the battlefield. For now, anyway.

Alternatively, beat the wall with a sledgehammer until it turns clear. You know -- we wouldn't even need to invent any of this x-ray vision technology if we hadn't burnt our bridges with Superman. I heard a general told him capes are for pussies. Dammit, you know vanity is Superman's kryptonite! "Technically, kryptonite is Superman's kryptonite." God I hate it when you talk in riddles.

Hit the jump for a video demonstration of shoot the red blobs, shoot them now!

Continue Reading " X-Ray Vision Can See Through Concrete Wall "

Oct 20 2011 Teotronico The Piano Playing Robot

Prepare to eat ivory you wonk-eyed pianist!

This is Teotronico. Teotronico is a robot that plays a keyboard. I heard he tried out for the Chuck E. Cheese band but they told him he looks like an animatronic sugar skull and to take a hike. Personally, I would have told him to take a seat, then tied him up and strapped a bomb to his chest, but that's just me and I'm a great interviewer.

With the help of speech recognition, he interacts with his audience and has already 'performed' at a number of private parties. the inventor hopes to 'revolutionize the music industry', which I think is a grandiose statement as Teotronico is a robot at the end of the day and wouldn't be able to compose music on his own or add 'emotions' to the music that he is playing.

So here's the plan: we'll find out what bar this guy's playing at, right? Then I'll get a job there as a lounge singer. Think Jessica Rabbit, but way sexier in sequins but with more leg hair (I haven't shaved these oaks since swim team!). So I'll be singing, then I'll start crawling across the piano all seductive, right? THEN I'LL STAB HIS F***ING EYES OUT WITH A STILLETO AND YELL 'SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!". "You don't even know what that means, do you?" Bad temper t-rex?

Hit the jump for a couple of videos of the mechanical penist playing (with some Losing my Religion and Final Countdown action!)

Continue Reading " Teotronico The Piano Playing Robot "

Oct 20 2011 Lytro's "Shoot First, Focus Later" Camera Now A Real Product, Starts At 400 Coconuts

Remember Lytro's promise to produce a light-field camera that captures all the light information in a scene so you can choose any focal distance you want on a computer LONG AFTER THE SHOT WAS TAKEN? Well they're selling them now. FOR REALS (or for fakes and they're just gonna run off with your money). They start at $400 for an 8GB (350-pictures) and $500 for a 16GB (750-pictures).

On the outside, the Lytro looks different--a smooth, two-tone elongated box 4.4 inches long and 1.6 inches square. At one end is the lens and at the other is an LCD touch-screen display; along the sides are power and shutter buttons, a USB port, and a touch-sensitive strip to move the F2 lens through its 8X zoom range.

The image is ready for refocusing operations immediately after it's taken, the company said. And though people can toy with the image on the 1.46-inch LCD display, they don't need to.

Another interesting feature: because the camera captures depth information, Lytro images can be viewed in 3D, something the company demonstrates with 3D TVs. The image information will be recorded for anyone who buys a Lytro camera, but the ability to view the 3D versions will come later with a future version of the company's software.

I'm still not sure how I feel about it. On one hand I'm all "COOL, THE FUTURE!" and on the other I can already see the new wave of self-proclaimed photographers. God, remember when it took a Quaker Oats can and patience to take a decent looking photo? "What, in middle school art class?" I took a picture of my balls and told the teacher it was a landscape.

Official Product Site
and
Lytro unveils radical new camera design [cnet]

Thanks to Carlos, josh, DontPublishMyEmail and azzphantom (WTF), who take pictures the old fashioned way: staring at something long enough until it's burnt into the brain. Shit, you're talking real oldschool!

Oct 20 2011 Chewie The Chewing Tobacco Wookie

This is Chewbacca made out of chewing tobacco (and glue and wire and electrical/duct tape). It looks like his proportions are a little off. Also, like a hotdog that fell off the grill onto dirt. But would that stop me from dusting him off, wrapping him in a piece of processed cheese and slapping him on a bun? You bet your sour ass it wouldn't. Waste not, want not! *eats chocolate chip from between bed sheets* I'm gonna be honest: I'm 50/50 on that was a cat dingleberry.

A couple more angels after the dangles.

Continue Reading " Chewie The Chewing Tobacco Wookie "

Oct 20 2011 Alleged 2,000-Ft Long Hot Wheels Track

This is a video of an alleged 2,000-foot long Hot Wheels track that can keep a car going for the entirety of its length thanks to a small fortune in those little battery-operated car launcher thingies. Of course it could be a hoax (what kind of sick f*** hoaxes a Hot Wheels track?!) since we never see a walk-through of the entire thing, just the individual segments.

This is a 3 minute long video of a 2,000 feet long powered Hot Wheels track that goes up and down the stairs, through 14 rooms of a house, around the outside of the house, and a jump over a hot tub.

So yeah, might be fake. The bulge in my pants? Totally fake. It's a coworker's sub I just stole out of the breakroom fridge. *strolling back to desk with meatballs rolling out my pant leg*

Hit the jump for the if that is real I wish I would've invested in Mattel stock before you made it.

Continue Reading " Alleged 2,000-Ft Long Hot Wheels Track "

Oct 20 2011 That...Was Painful: William Shatner Covering Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' (Terribly)

After that performance I'm wishing the same.

This is the music video for William Shatner's painful as f*** cover of Queen's iconic 'Bohemian Rhapsody', appearing on his 2-disc classic rock cover album 'Seeking Major Tom.' Also appearing on William Shatner's cover album? Bright red 'CLEARANCE' stickers.

Hit the jump for the damn that sucked hard. Also, added a link to the Amazon product page so you can demo the rest of the tracks and repeatedly ask yourself 'what the f*** was he thinking?' (I put my fist through a speaker listening to Space Oddity).

Continue Reading " That...Was Painful: William Shatner Covering Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' (Terribly) "

Oct 20 2011 Girl On Throne Of Games (You Heard Me!)

This is a picture of Australian video game show host Stephanie Bendixsen (you're not folding my wiener anywhere!) on a Throne of Games. Get it? Like Game of Thrones except...actually I don't get it either. A tipster told me it would be funny but now I'm starting to wonder. Well, technically, daydream. Mmmm, a t-rex in a bikini with a dripping popsicle. Now smear it all over your chest. I said smear it all-- damn your arms suck bro, you're ruining this for me.

Throne of Games [geeksaresexy] (but the Geekologie Writer is sexiest)

Thanks to Ashley, who used to have a throne made out of baby-doll heads because...wait -- why did you have a baby-doll head throne?

Oct 20 2011 Amazing Time Lapses Of Earth From The ISS

This is a series of worthwhile time-lapse videos of earth taken from aboard the International Space Station. I...still can't believe that thing's actually up there. The sun either. You can't even see the wires holding it up! "Tell me you're joking." Haha, it's fishing line isn't it?

Hit the jump for six worthwhile videos (watch in HD).

Continue Reading " Amazing Time Lapses Of Earth From The ISS "

Oct 20 2011 That's A Start!: Guy Tries Turning Doodoo Into Gold, Sets Apartment Block On Fire

Because get-rich-quick schemes have officially hit rock bottom, a man from Northern Ireland was recently arrested after his doodoo-into-gold experiments set his apartment block on fire. Smooth move, Rumpelshitskin.

It is thought that as part of the bizarre experiment Moran left his faeces, along with other waste products such as fertiliser, on a heater.

In his ruling Judge McFarland told Moran: "Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces and waste products.

"It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist's dream, but wasn't going to succeed."

Moran's barrister mentioned that his client was a man of 'considerable intellectual ability' but that he had problems battling drug abuse.

Ah yes, the ol "considerable intellectual ability" and battling drug abuse combo. That's a rough one, folks. Just imagine: one day you're being all smart and solving equations and the next YOU'RE HEATING YOUR OWN SHIT UP ON THE STOVE TRYING TO MAKE GOLD. That's the same stove you use for Ramen! Drugs are bad, folks. "Um, GW -- what's in the pot?" Would you believe me if I said gumbo?

Man jailed after trying to turn faeces into gold [yahoonews]

Thanks to Sean, who's smart enough to know you can't turn your own doodoo into gold, you have to use somebody else's!

Oct 20 2011 Man Orders Size 14.50 "Monster Slippers", Manufacturer Makes & Sends Size 1,450

Tom Boddingham ordered a pair of custom novelty slippers off website Monster Slippers. Tom, who's 6'7" and possibly the son of a Yeti, ordered a size 14.50 for his left foot and 13 for his right because DAMN BRO YOUR FEET ARE A SIZE-AND-A-HALF APART?! Mine are only 1/2, freak!

When the 27-year-old ordered a special monster-design slipper to fit his oversized left foot, he was sent this size 1,450 one - because manufacturers failed to spot a decimal point.

He had requested a 14.5, as well as a smaller size 13 for his right foot. The pair cost £15.50.

However, manufacturers in China misread the measurement and accidentally made the whopping seven foot-long slipper, which was shipped to him along with the correct smaller size.

Apparently workers in the slipper factory assumed his giant order was for a shop window display.

Cheap PR stunt aside (now verified), that might be the nicest novelty monster foot sleeping bag I've ever seen.. Is there room for two in there? *crawling in* Play with my hair till I fall asleep?

I only wanted a size 14½! Missed decimal point sees slipper ordered from China returned as size 1,450... big enough for owner to sleep in [dailymail]

Thanks to Jade, who knows the feeling because one time she ordered a turkey sandwich and didn't find out till she got home they accidentally made a meatball sub. OMG -- I'd go back there and spill a Coke if I were you.

Oct 19 2011 Hamster Power: Electric Outlet Wall Decals

This is a series of clever wall decals to apply near electric outlets/light switches. They were designed to add a little pizza pizazz to what would normally be considered an eyesore. And speaking of eyesores -- I let my fingernails grow real long, right? Well I think I cut my eyeball trying to take my contacts out last night. Like, I accidentally carved a little chunk out of my eyeball trying to pinch my contact off. I know this because I actually had to pick that Jello-y shit out from under my fingernails. Are you getting sick yet? I'm trying to make you sick.

Hit the jump for a bunch more (including a couple environmentally motivated ones) and a link to the product site.

Continue Reading " Hamster Power: Electric Outlet Wall Decals "

Oct 19 2011 Guy Driving Busted As $#!7 18-Wheeler

Remember: safety last.

This is a video of a guy driving a smashed-to-shit 18-wheeler in Russia. No clue who he drives trucks for but I doubt he's gonna be working there much longer. Get it? Because he's a f***ing goner. BUCKLE YOUR SAFETY BELT, BRO!

Hit the jump for the why am I not surprised.

Continue Reading " Guy Driving Busted As $#!7 18-Wheeler "

Oct 19 2011 Rideable Cloud Concept: Pee From Heaven

You ever wanted to ride a cloud? Whenever I'm flying through them I always think to myself, "WHAAAAAA, HOLY SHIT HOW AM I DOING THIS?!?!" then I wake up and it all makes sense. But seriously, if I can be real with you for a second: I'm the world's greatest lover and I have the blue ribbon to prove it. "That's purple and says PARTICIPANT." Haters gonna hate. Whenever I'm flying IN A PLANE I'm drunk and I always look out the window and imagine the clouds are a giant magical city. "I get it -- like Atlantis!" No, obviously you don't get it BECAUSE ATLANTIS IS UNDERWATER, DUMMY. I swear, some of you never cease to amaze me in the most depressing ways.

Passing Cloud is basically just like a big zeppelin, except lumpier. It's got a rigid stainless steel structure supporting an array of spherical nylon balloons that intersect to form a solid, if topologically diverse, platform suitable for passengers. There's no "inside" of Passing Cloud; you just climb up some stairs on top of the balloons and chill there, watching the clouds and ground go by.

If you have a specific destination in mind, though, Passing Cloud might not be the best way to go, since it doesn't go from Point A to Point B. More like, it goes from Point A to wherever the wind happens to be blowing, since the wind is its only source of power

Whoa whoa whoa -- the wind is the only source of power?! That's a terrible idea. Oh look, you're going out over the ocean -- FOREVER. Say hi to Atlantis for me, dipshit!

Passing Cloud
via
Passing Cloud concept lets you ride a piece of sky [dvice]

Thanks to Mike, who's always wanted to pee of the edge of a cloud just like angels do.

Oct 19 2011 Would Buy: Zelda Character Playing Cards

This is set of conceptual Zelda character playing cards designed by DeviantARTist Nelde. If they were real I would buy them and play strip poker with them. But they aren't. So instead I'm going to print them out, tape them to regular cards, and start getting naked. "That's not how you play strip poker." No? What about the-- *clink, clink clink* "What about the poker chips falling out of your ass?" Haha, those don't go there?

Hit the jump for closeups.

Continue Reading " Would Buy: Zelda Character Playing Cards "

Oct 19 2011 Time Poorly Spent: Watch Harrison Ford Playing Uncharted 3 For Seven Minutes

Sweet urn-clock bro.

So apparently Harrison Ford (best known for his role in the made-for-TV 'Dynasty' movie) is starring in a series of Japanese commercials for Uncharted 3. And this is him playing the game for seven minutes. It's pretty boring. The video, not the game. If I wanted to spend seven minutes watching someone stare confusedly at a TV constantly asking "what button do I push?" I'd ask my roommate's girlfriend to play.

Hit the jump for the seven minute video, a shorter "behind the scenes" video, and the actual commercial.

Continue Reading " Time Poorly Spent: Watch Harrison Ford Playing Uncharted 3 For Seven Minutes "

Oct 19 2011 Told You!: One-Eyed 'Cyclops' Shark Is Real

Now bite that shit like a hoagie.

Remember the one-eyed shark baby found in Mexico that you ran to the comments as fast as you could to yell FAKE at? God I wish you'd been carrying scissors. Well it's real. The people I talk to on my cell phone at the bar to not look like such a friendless loser? Those are all fake. YEAH I'LL COME TO YOUR PARTY LATER, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. SHOULD I BRING SOME HOT GIRLS?

[The shark] is by all reports the real thing. Shark researchers have examined the preserved creature and found that its single eye is made of functional optical tissue, they said last week.

"This is extremely rare," shark expert Felipe Galvan Magana of Mexico's Centro Interdisciplinario de Ciencias del Mar told the Pisces Fleet Sportfishing blog in July. "As far as I know, less than 50 examples of an abnormality like this have been recorded."

Should I have put a censored bar over the picture? I thought about it, but then I realized I wouldn't be able to use that hoagie line and I REALLY wanted to use that hoagie line. Like, bad. Worse than I have to go to the bathroom right now but I'm trying to teach my bladder a lesson for dribbling in public.

Hit the jump for more of the face not even a mother could love.

Continue Reading " Told You!: One-Eyed 'Cyclops' Shark Is Real "

Oct 19 2011 That Looks Dangerous: 'Beautiful Mess' Chair

This the the Beautiful Mess chair. I know it looks like something treasure hunters hauled up from a shipwreck, but it's not -- it's a chair. It's made out of rubber or something and kind of unravels to form a lounger (picture of transformation after the jump). As awkward as it looks, it still beats my chair. "That's a pile of books." Exactly. So yeah, the Beautiful Mess. Me? I'm a hot mess. Kidding, I'm a buttugly mess, but you can sit on my lap if you want to. Now -- tell Santa what you want for Christmas. "I want the new Assassin's Creed game and--" Mmmm, love me some Ezio Auditore. Stand up, STAND UP -- I'm getting a boner.

Hit the jump for two more shots including one of the chair unraveled and being sat in.

Continue Reading " That Looks Dangerous: 'Beautiful Mess' Chair "

Oct 19 2011 Battlefield 3 Played With Motion Control, Omni-Directional Treadmill, Paintball Guns...

Want you Battlefield 3 experience a little more realistic? JOIN AN ARMY. Not that realistic? Check out this Battlefield 3 simulator system -- the realest you can get without bleeding and using your dying breath to tell a comrade you used to put on your girlfriend's panties and masturbate whenever she left for work. What? People say weird shit when they're dying!

So, how's it all work? The gun peripheral is your mouse, or right thumbstick. The treadmills are your WASD keys, or left thumbstick, replicating your actual feet's movements in the game. The wrap-around screen gives you an almost virtual reality-like environment to play in, and the paintball guns, well, they're there to actually shoot you when you've been shot in the game.

Not gonna lie, I kind of like laying on the couch with a beer on my stomach. Sure this is impressive, I'm just -- what's the word I'm looking for? "Lazy as f***." YES. Plus fat. They kind of go hand in hand. Like me and my babysitter whenever she takes me to the zoo. Can't have me trying to climb into the tiger pit again!

Hit the jump for a short demo.

Continue Reading " Battlefield 3 Played With Motion Control, Omni-Directional Treadmill, Paintball Guns... "

Oct 19 2011 I...Kind Of Want That: Giant Big Wheels Trike

Seen here doing their best (and failing) to look cool posing with a giant version of a children's toy, two brobros show off a gas-powered trike designed to look like a Green Machine Big Wheels. I kind of want one. Unfortunately, they cost $75,000 and can only get up to 50MPH. Pfft, I want to die on the thing, not fall asleep!

The front [45"] wheel is driven by a chain housed in a protective cowling that replicates the toy's frame and, like its predecessor, the cycle is steered by two handheld push/pull levers that control the two rear wheels via a directional linkage. The hand levers include brakes while a foot lever controls its manual 6-speed transmission. Its 8 1/2-gallon fuel tank is built into the frame, hidden from view, providing a range of 400 miles.

Oh man, Big Wheels were the shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. You remember going as fast as you could and then locking the brake and powersliding? I used to do that all the time. The last time straight into a neighbor's brick mailbox. I was out for days. My parents wanted to pull the plug but the doctor was all, "it's only been 30-minutes."

Hit the jump for a shot with less dudes.

Continue Reading " I...Kind Of Want That: Giant Big Wheels Trike "

Oct 18 2011 How To: Make Your Own Bebop From TMNT

Inb4 Bebop was always may favorite toy too.

You think that dead boar (it's not even a warthog!) is happier knowing thousands of Ninja Turtle fans on the internet think he's way cooler looking than just a regular ol' dead boar's head, or do you think he's wishing his dignity hadn't stripped from him? My guess is wishing he'd seen the guy with the rifle.

Because There's Just Not Enough TMNT on DAPS Today: BeBop Wall Art [dogandponyshow]

Thanks to bb, who kinda has the same initials as Bebop but would look 1,000x cooler in those shades.

Oct 18 2011 Minimalistic Pop Culture Characters Poster

Note: Easier on your peepers full-res version HERE.

Can you name them all? I did. Granted I had no clue who half of them were and just started naming them things like Stinky and Roro, but my cat told me those would be good things to call them and he's never wrong. Except when he shits on the carpet. He's definitely wrong then. Oh, and guessing at Jeopardy -- he's not very good at Jeopardy. Besides that though, he's pretty much a genius like me. "That's a dog." You sure? I've seen him get on the kitchen table before.

Greg Guillemin's Society6 Shop (with prints for sale)
via
How Many Of These Characters Can You Recognize? [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Chris C., who's terrible with names but can recognize a face anywhere including in burnt toast.

Oct 18 2011 Beam Me Up, Chewie!: NASA To Save Loose Spacewalking Astronauts With 'Tractor Beam'

First of all, it's not really a traditional tractor beam. Not that there even IS a traditional tractor beam, because fully functional tractor beams don't exist. It's just not the kind of tractor beam you may have seen in Star Tracks before. And yes, I did use that 'beam me up' thing in the title and 'star tracks' right now as an act of passive aggressiveness because I know my roommate hates it when I post erroneous shit online. F*** you Derek, don't leave the milk out!

In Sinko's original plan, spacecraft carry thrusters with two types of propellant, each responding to a different laser wavelength. To fire a thruster, a laser beam is shone on it, vaporising propellant to create thrust and so push the spacecraft onto a new course. The propellants fire in different directions, so the spacecraft can be steered.

The idea would be that they could shrink these thrusters down and stick them on to space suits. If an astronaut is incapacitated for some reason, they could be controlled from the ship

Oh man, I pointed a laser at something and vaporized it one time. It was a friend's eyeball. It didn't actually vaporize though, it just made a popping noise and smoked a little. Then dude tried to fight me but couldn't connect any of his punches. That'll teach you to pass out on my couch with your shoes on!

Scientists working on tractor beams to reel in astronauts [dvice]

Thanks to Cristie, who agrees there's nothing more terrifying than realizing you forgot to attach your lifeline and are drifting away from your spaceship. I know, right?! I filled my spacesuit with so much shit it was starting to seep into my helmet!

Oct 18 2011 Aeroshots, Huffable Energy Supplements

Energy: it's good to have (just not 70 energy drinks worth). Huffing things: it's fun to do. So naturally, huffable caffeine supplements are a no-brainer. Each Aeroshot contains 100mg of finely-powdered caffeine (~a large cup of coffee) and looks enough like a shotgun shell that I can almost guarantee somebody's gonna wind up biting a bullet. And that person will be me, because I'm entirely out of it before I've been properly caffeinated in the morning. No lie -- one time the phone rang before I'd had my coffee and I answered a coworker's penis. He liked it. I got fired but he liked it.

Official Site (product launches mid-January)

Thanks to Ferrous, who agrees caffeine suppositories are gonna be the next big thing. Energy AND something in your ass -- how could you go wrong?!

Oct 18 2011 That Exists: People With Ninja Turtle Noses

Because, the internet, that's why, Teenage Mutant Ninja Noses is a real website that exists where you can submit a picture of someone with a Ninja Turtle face for a nose. Now I've been looking at mine in the mirror for like ten minutes but I can't decide which turtle to make it. Ooooooooor whether to just cut it off to spite my face. You hear that, face?! F*** you for being so ugly! *tapping microphone* I swear, my face is so ugly I can't fall asleep because God doesn't want to waste any beauty rest on me. I mean, my face is so ugly it looks like I entered a cinderblock pie eating contest. Seriously, my face is so ugly my mom tied a steak around my neck hoping the dog would eat me. Compared to yours though I look like f***ing Adonis. BU-BU-BU-BURN!

Hit the jump for a couple more, but check out the Tumblr for a ton more that keep pouring in.

Continue Reading " That Exists: People With Ninja Turtle Noses "

Oct 18 2011 Real-Life Hoverboard: COUNT ME THE F IN

Sure, we've all seen magic floating superconductors in action (even before yesterday!), but have you ever seen them USED TO MAKE A REAL LIFE HOVERBOARD CAPABLE OF SUPPORTING A HUMAN?! Because this is what that is. "OLD -- already seen it." Wow, you've basically seen everything, haven't you? "I have." Including your parents naked. "Wait..." No no no -- it's too late to turn back now!

Hit the jump for two videos, the first a shorter one, the second a longer, much more worthwhile one including the hoverboard and track's construction, as well as higher-res test rides.

Continue Reading " Real-Life Hoverboard: COUNT ME THE F IN "

Oct 18 2011 FuturamAAAH!: Creepy Prof. Farnsworth Bust

This is a creepy as f*** 3-D graphics Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth bust created by DeviantARTist TranzorZ3D. As you can, ol' Bottlecaps here would look like a nightmare in real life. God, could you even imagine what it would be like to kiss lips like those? *daydreaming* I just did.

TranzorZ3D's DeviantART (with a full-res version available)

Thanks to Lauren, who had a dream about a real-life Dr. Zoidberg but made herself wake up.

Oct 18 2011 Man Arrested After Forcing Daughter To Play Medieval Sword Fight With Him For Two Hours

Your kids: they're great for LARPing practice.

Seen here proudly sporting his family crest (which may or may yes be a stylized Bavarian creme donut), 38-year old Fremont Seay was arrested after forcing his 16-year old daughter to mock sword fight with him in their front yard (NOT on the roof) until she collapsed from exhaustion. Crazy, right?! Some lady let this guy stick his penis in her 16 years ago. He was probably just a lowly sable-boy then!

Fremont Seay, the father, tried to discipline his daughter by hitting her with multiple switches. Then as a tactic change, he made her dress in medieval clothing and fight him for hours with a wooden sword.

Seay allegedly told investigators that he was a renaissance fighter and that because his daughter was 16, he had the right to fight her with a wooden sword.

After the sword fight, the girl texted a friend who called 911.

Ah yes, the old Renaissance Festival guide to parenting. Admittedly, it SHOULD be a parent's right to battle all their children for the throne as soon as they turn 16. Otherwise, what's the point in even having them? God knows they don't do their chores! But seriously Sir Eatalot -- WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Everybody knows playing ninja is the key to raising well adjusted daughters.

'Renaissance Fighter' arrested after forcing 16-year old daughter into prolonged mock sword battle [q13fox]

Thanks to Rebecca, who was raised playing outerspace and is perfectly normal. Same here! And to Evil Ares, who was raised playing God of War and, well, yeah.

Oct 18 2011 PR2 Doodoobot Picks Up After Your Dog

PR2, the electricity-stealing, pool-hustling, beer-fetching, male-pleasuring, cookie-baking, grocery-packing robot can now pick up dog turds. Possible to make you cookies with later. DUM-DUM-DUM!

While you can't hear it in the video, Graspy begins its task by declaring in a vaguely disappointed robotic monotone, "time for me to scoop some poop." You get the sense that this $400,000 robot is asking itself whether or not this kind of work is really what it signed up for. Using its color camera, the robot first identifies poops based on their color, navigates to said poop, and then using a special human tool, it performs the scoop. Haptics are employed to ensure that each poop scoop is a success, and if not, the robot will give it another try. Failure doesn't happen often, though: Graspy is able to successfully scoop poop about 95% of the time in over 100 trials, at a rate of over one poop per minute.

OMG, they should totally program him to eat it after. That would be great. "Zip, zap, must eat butt biscuits." Haha, he can't help himself! YOUR MOUTH IS BROWN, BRO.

Hit the jump for a video of a guy saying poop like a hundred times and PR2 going to town on some turds.

Continue Reading " PR2 Doodoobot Picks Up After Your Dog "

Oct 18 2011 iPhone Vs. 50-Cal Armor Piercing Incendiary Rounds: That...Is Gonna Leave A Hole

This is a video of a new iPhone 4S getting blasted with 50-caliber armor piercing incediary rounds (just like the title of the article said!). Admittedly, I was impressed with how well the phone stayed together. The hole punched through it almost looks surgical. The scar from having my appendix removed? That...looks like I was stabbed in a street fight. Because I was. That shit just fell out!

Hit the jump for the I know it's just another video of an expensive gadget getting shot with something but this one is still pretty sweet, plus he shoots that shit while standing up with the rifle (super-slow motion, watch in HD).

Continue Reading " iPhone Vs. 50-Cal Armor Piercing Incendiary Rounds: That...Is Gonna Leave A Hole "

Oct 17 2011 Sorcery!: Levitating Quantum Superconductors

Magnets: Now I'M not even sure how they work.

Just hit the jump and watch the video, you won't regret it. My brain actually exploded out of my skull halfway through and was all, "finally, I'm free!" which quickly turned to "oh SHIT, look at this dump!" and regretted leaving. You know what I told him? Nothing, I just drooled all over myself until he climbed his ass back in there because it's harder thinking with cobwebs than a talking skeleton might lead you to believe. This is a video of Tel-Aviv University demoing some "quantum superconductors locked in a magnetic field". Seriously, just watch it -- this is like the future. Of magic tricks.

Hit the jump for the very worthwhile video.

Continue Reading " Sorcery!: Levitating Quantum Superconductors "

Oct 17 2011 All-Electric Deloreans Coming In 2013?

Desktop worthy full-res picture HERE and interior dash HERE.

In 1995 Texas entrepreneur Stephen Wynne bought the rights to the Delorean Motor Company and a warehouse of the manufacturer's original parts. Since then, the company has been repairing old models and making custom made-to-order vehicles. But now they're teaming up with electric-car company Epic EV to produce a line of electric Deloreans by 2013. What do you make of all this, Doc? "Great Scott!" *eyeroll* Really bro?

The new car the two companies unveiled today at the International DeLorean Owners Event in Houston, Texas is no run-of-the-mill electric DeLorean conversion. It's a development model of a car, called DMCEV, which DeLorean plans to launch into production in two years.

The companies haven't released any specs yet, but if it's anything like Epic EV's Torq Roadster, it'll get a 200 hp+, 44V/156V electric motor, powered by a 24-30 KWh lithium ion phosphate battery

No word on price but I went ahead and put my name on the waiting list anyway. I mean, two years is more than enough time to plan a quality bank robbery, amirite? Now, which one of you can stay sober long enough to drive the getaway car? Awesome, I'd do it myself but it's gonna take several cocktails to loosen me up enough to rob that sucker. "You sure that's a good idea?" Am I sure that's a good idea. It's a better one than showing up for court wasted last week but that turned out fine, didn't it? "You spent the weekend in jail." Yeah, and got to catch up on my sleep!

This is a brand-new, all-electric DeLorean [jalopnik]

Thanks to Cole, who wants one with rotating license plates and an oil slick and little tire-slicing razors that come out of the wheels. Ditto brobro.

Oct 17 2011 Man Busts Cheating Wife Using iPhone's 'Find My Friends' App

Don't lie -- you don't hate the meat packing!

A New Yorker is filing for divorce after verifying his wife was cheating on him and not where she said she was by checking her location using the iPhone's new 'Find my Friends' app. Wait -- there's a 'Find my Friends' app?! *running* "Sorry, you must have friends to use this app." Well find me some, shit!

He told the MacRumors forum that he suspected she was seeing someone else, so he bought her an iPhone 4S and enabled location sharing. Sure enough, when she texted to say she was with a friend in the Meatpacking District, he checked the map and saw she was actually a few miles away on the east side.

Well of course she cheated on you bro -- you're the kind of guy that will buy a phone and enable location sharing to spy on your significant other. Nobody wants to spend the rest of their life with a creeper like that! I can't believe you didn't find her before with the GPS locator you had sewn in her underwear. But seriously folks, cheating is wrong. Unless it's at board games, in which case f*** it, the the sky's the limit. Just be ready to flip the board and run if you get caught. Smoke bombs if you got 'em.

Read the guy's story on the Macrumors forum
via
Busted By The iPhone of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Mark, who saw his alleged BFF hanging out with somebody else at the mall. Okay now that's f***ed up. Were they in the food court? I bet they were laughing, weren't they?

Oct 17 2011 Brain-Dead: Exposed Brain Zombie Beanie

Look at this guy. You wanna look like this guy? Of course not, nobody in their right mind (or even a zombie's!!!!1) would. Even he doesn't want to, but we've all gotta play with the cards we're dealt (or whisper to the dealer you have a gun). This is a $15 beanie with two rubber brains sewn on the sides (better picture after the jump) that make it look like your think-tank is exposed. Unless you think with your johnson, in which case, no, it's not that (plus your brain is tiny). Although I have seen a guy wearing jeans with fake buttcheeks sewn on before. Or -- OR -- have I just seen a guy wearing jeans with holes cut out for his buttcheeks? *shaking Magic 8-Ball* "You know those were real and you were staring." Haha! So true, so true.

Hit the jump for a better shot of the beanie and a link to the Thinkgeek product site

Continue Reading " Brain-Dead: Exposed Brain Zombie Beanie "

Oct 17 2011 Stereotyping: The 15 People You'll See At Every Geek Convention

This are the cartoon depictions of the 15 people you'll see at every geek convention. Are they accurate? I have no idea -- the only convention I've ever been to involved heavy drinking and passing out in a hot car before the doors even opened. And did my friends leave me there? Yes. Could I have died from heat exhaustion? Absolutely. But did they give a shit? Nooooooooooo, they were too busy trying to look up the skirts of every She-Ra and Rainbow Brite in the place. And that, dear reader, is exactly why I'm going to hide a bag ol' bag of meth under their couch and call the cops. NOBODY ABANDONS ME!

Fifteen People You'll See At Every Nerd Convention [dorkly]

Thanks to crame and Liza, who were just as shocked as I was to see "girl dressed as sexy thing for attention" didn't make the list.

Oct 17 2011 By The Time You Finish Swinging He's Gonna Be Asleep!: Turtles Battling With Lightsabers

Ever wanted to watch a video of two turtles duking it out with lightsabers? Today's your lucky day! Just got fired and found out your girlfriend left you? Today's the worst day of your life! But remember: when one door closes, it usually rattles my entire apartment like a f***ing earthquake as bad as you think you've got it, somebody else has got it twice as bad. Aaaaaaaaand that guy is me (I'm getting evicted AND going to the dentist for two fillings today).

Hit the jump for the video.

Continue Reading " By The Time You Finish Swinging He's Gonna Be Asleep!: Turtles Battling With Lightsabers "

Oct 17 2011 Sweet Horns, Bro: Boba Fett Viking Helmet

This is a custom made Boba Fett viking helmet. It combines Boba's futuristic bounty hunter styling with the traditional horns of a viking helmet. I tried to reach Hägar the Horrible for comment, but his wife Helga wouldn't let me talk to him because she put him in the doghouse after forgetting to wipe his feet before coming into the house after a raid. Then I asked if they ever make love with their helmets on and pretend they're both wild bulls and she chased me out with a broom. That's a yes.

Hit the jump for a couple more angles as well as some steapunky Vader, Stormtrooper, Optimus Prime and Bumblebee helmets the Etsy'er is also selling (all $200-$250).

Continue Reading " Sweet Horns, Bro: Boba Fett Viking Helmet "

Oct 17 2011 OMG, We Totally Got This!: Rename The Very Large Array (VLA) Radio Telescope Contest

Because who would've guessed naming a group of giant radio telescopes the 'very large array' wouldn't inspire awe and wonder in our nation's youth and make them give a damn about space, the National Science Foundation is holding a contest to rename the Astronomical Alienfinder. BOOM -- I already did better.

The iconic radio telescope, known around the world through movies, documentaries, music videos, newspaper and magazine articles, advertisements, textbooks, and thousands of scientific papers, is nearing the completion of an amazing transformation. More than a decade of effort has replaced the VLA's original, 1970s-vintage electronics with modern, state-of-the-art equipment.

"Though the giant dish antennas, the unique machines that move them across the desert, and the buildings on New Mexico's Plains of San Agustin may appear much the same, the VLA truly has become a new and different facility. We want a name that reflects this dramatically new status," Lo said. "The new name should clearly reflect the VLA's leading role in the future of astronomy, while honoring its multitude of past achievements."

I linked to the official entry page below, but I just read the whole thing and it doesn't mention anything about a cash prize for coming up with the winning name. So yeah, 'very large array' sounds fine to me.

Official Contest Page
via
Observatory Seeks a New Name for Transformed Scientific Icon [nrao]

Thanks to Brinton, who suggested we name them 'those satellite dishes from that movie Contact with Jodie Foster', which might be the smartest thing that's ever come out of his mouth.

Oct 17 2011 Another Day, Another Expensive Turntable

Because there should be a record player for every budget and the $19,000, $64,000 and $300,000 price-points were already covered, here's a $150,000 option. HAHA, recession.

The Onedof One Degree Of Freedom turntable was designed by NASA award winning aerospace engineer Aleks Bakman, and includes some unusual features. The self-centering 50-lb platter uses a liquid suspension to damp resonances, while the platter itself is filled with some kind of damping fluid. Bakman also described its noise canceling vertical motor adjustment, but to be honest the description went over my head.

Not gonna lie, if anybody ever tries selling me something that costs $150,000 and doesn't have at least one and half bathrooms, I'm walking in the opposite direction. No -- running. Get it?! Because I just stole whatever it was!

This turntable costs as much as a house [dvice]

Thanks to aaron, who's holding out for a $500,000 turntable because he's the 1% or something.

Oct 17 2011 Worthless: SIRI The Stupid Personal Assistant

Because the new iPhone's SIRI personal assistant was practically made for novelty purposes, here she is responding to a bunch of bull$h!t. I honestly don't know who to feel sorrier for: SIRI, or the people taking the time to try to come up with the things to ask her. Kidding, it's definitely me for posting it. But seriously, have you never talked to an AIMbot before? I mean, I used to do that back in college when it was cool. "It was never cool." And neither was I -- until now. *puts on shades, struts around office like a badass* "The back of your pants are torn and there's bare ass peeping." Soooooooooo...daddy forgot his underwear is what you're saying? "Don't call yourself daddy." *brap!* "Did you just--" HE WHO SAYS ALOUD MADE THE CLOUD!

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the 'if you were a real personal assistant you would have been fired years ago.'

Continue Reading " Worthless: SIRI The Stupid Personal Assistant "

Oct 16 2011 Most Complete Dinosaur Skeleton To Date

This is the most complete dinosaur skeleton found to date, with a whopping 98% of its bones preserved. In comparison, the most complete t-rex ever found is only 80% complete. Well, 75% after the museum discovers the theft. You think I don't spoon a dino bone to sleep every night?! I don't -- it spoons me.

Measurements of the fossil's skull, body proportions and bone surface have led Rauhut and his team of paleontologists to conclude that the dinosaur was no more than a year old when it died, which only adds to the excitement surrounding the discovery (the remains of young dinosaurs are also a rare find).

According to Darren Naish, a paleontologist at the University of Southampton, the as-yet-unnamed dinosaur appears to have a longer tail and proportionally shorter legs than other, similar theropods, but whether this is simply due to the dinosaur's age or its being an entirely new species remains to be seen.

It's actually a pretty small dinosaur, so it's not really on my 'to-do' list. No, this is the kind of dino you'd kill with a spear and roast over a fire. Then? S'mores. "Where you gonna find marshmallows 135 million years ago?" Good question -- I'm gonna use its eyeballs. "You're sick." Ha -- you're the one that just ate a wooly mammoth penis! "You said it was a just really big hotdog!" AND IT WAS KINDA!

The Most Well-Preserved Dinosaur Skeleton Ever Found in Europe [io9]

Thanks to Deepti, who finds 0% complete dinosaur skeletons all the time. OMG -- they're everywhere!

Oct 14 2011 Cool: Thrown Ball Takes Spherical Panoramas

This is ball with 36 cameras embedded in its exterior (instead of pubes). When thrown, all the cameras will snap a picture at the ball's apex, which can later be automatically stitched together for a fully spherical panorama. That's like, 360-degrees times 360-degrees. "No it's not, dummy." What about 360-degrees squared? "Same thing, idiot." Well damn Math Magician! Have you ever considered teaching-- "I actually have, I just don't think it's for me." You didn't let me finish. What I was saying was, have you ever considered teaching yourself a lesson by punching yourself in the nuts before you're rude to me again? Because I will if you won't.

Worthwhile demo after the jump.

Continue Reading " Cool: Thrown Ball Takes Spherical Panoramas "

Oct 14 2011 Sadness: Baby Confuses Magazines For iPad

This is a video of a little girl that has trouble differentiating between an iPad and magazines. Why you'd even let such a young, impressionable girl read fashion magazines like Bazaar and Marie Claire is beyond me, but presumably her parents want her to develop body image issues from the very beginning (nice Michelin Man legs, sweetie!). So yeah, she keeps confusing magazines for nonfunctional iPads. Granted at 0:48 I'm pretty sure she confuses her leg for an iPad too, but that's not my point. My point is this: there will come a day in the not-too distant future when a child will approach me on a park bench (and NOT because I have candy) and ask what paper is. And you know what I'll tell them? The skin of murdered trees. Then I'll laugh maniacally and go back to feeding the pigeons cat treats.

Hit the jump for the video.

Continue Reading " Sadness: Baby Confuses Magazines For iPad "

Oct 14 2011 Finally, Some Decent Zombie-Specific Ammo

Note: Full-size version of the sale poster (with legible words!) HERE.

Hornady Zombie Max Ammo: real ammo for real zombie problems. Oooooooooor accidentally shooting a roommate when they come home drunk (I'll kill you drunk or sober, Derek!)

With the flood of Zombie Targets and shooting events now with Zombie themes, Hornady Manufacturing felt the ONLY ammo worth using was Certified Zombie Ammunition. Hornady has placed it's own special "Z-Max" Glowing Green Tipped Bullet in a variety of zombie shooting calibers. Hornady estimates shipping all calibers minus the 12ga around Oct 31st, 2011. Have no doubt, this is not a toy! This is live ammunition!

I'm not entirely sure why I should buy this over regular ammo for my zombie killing needs, but hey -- maybe they know something I don't. SPOILER: good marketing. Sometimes all it takes is a really cool looking box.

Hit the jump for a pretty quality zombie-killing video they made.

Continue Reading " Finally, Some Decent Zombie-Specific Ammo "

Oct 14 2011 That. Is. TERRIFYING: Giant Robotic 'Slave Arms' Can Mimic Any Human's Movement

Seen here in his audition tape for that Hugh Jackman 'Rock Em Sock Em Robots' movie that just came out, an old man demonstrates Raytheon-Sarcos' new "slave arms", a pair of giant robotic arms that can mimic the movement of a user's. You...probably don't want to get hit by one. By Cupid's arrow, absolutely. *twang* Haha, that was a poison dart.

As Vice President of Operations Fraser Smith describes, "every way you move, your three degrees of freedom in your wrist, the one in your elbow and the three in your shoulder --the slave arms can move the same way you do."

"Anything that slave encounters in terms of force is also fed back to the operator so he can actually feel what's happening in the workspace," said Smith. "With added strength, the operator doesn't need two or three guys trying to muscle something around. This thing just picks it up and dexterously positions the material."

Admittedly, I could see myself making a pretty sweet Incredible Hulk Halloween costume out of one of these things, but that's about it. *daydreaming* ROAR! HULK WANT FULL-SIZE CANDY BARS OR HULK SMASH HOUSE!

Hit the jump for a worthwhile news interview with gramps here playing Stretch Armstrong.

Continue Reading " That. Is. TERRIFYING: Giant Robotic 'Slave Arms' Can Mimic Any Human's Movement "

Oct 14 2011 Frank Lloyd Wright's 'Fallingwater' In Minecraft, Quake, Counterstrike, Half Life And The Sims

This is a bunch of videos of architect Frank Lloyd Wright's most famous house, Fallingwater, recreated in Minecraft, Quake III Arena, Counterstrike: Source, Half-Life 2, and The Sims 2 and 3. Now, not to brag or anything, but I've actually been to Mill Run, Pennsylvania to tour the house, and let me tell you: I would totally live there. "Jesus -- and give up your 350-square foot studio with the meth lab next door?!" You're right, I'm being crazy.

Hit the jump for all the videos.

Continue Reading " Frank Lloyd Wright's 'Fallingwater' In Minecraft, Quake, Counterstrike, Half Life And The Sims "

Oct 14 2011 Oh Helllllllll No: Hair-Washing Robot In Action

Remember Panasonic's announcement of a hair-washing robot? Well here's a terrifying video of the shampoo strangler in action. *shivers* You couldn't pay me enough to stick my head in there with a f***ing crash helmet on.

Hit the jump for the future of scalping technology.

Continue Reading " Oh Helllllllll No: Hair-Washing Robot In Action "

Oct 14 2011 The Walking Dead/Soup Mashup Tonight

The Soup airing tonight on E! (10/9c) is gonna be taken over (infected?) by The Walking Dead and I'd like to be the first to say I wouldn't hesitate to drink Norman Reedus' bathwater. Also: pick all the hairs out of his bar of soap and glue them to my upper lip. This is a 2:30 sneak peek of tonight's episode made by some friends over at E!. Me? I always DVR the show because 1. recording all that reality TV myself would eat up my entire DVR and 2. I usually get home too drunk on Friday nights to watch anything but a Ramen-y retrospective of dinner appear in the toilet bowl. So, yeah -- if the Kardashians don't all die I will be jumpkicking through my television with chainsaws tied to my feet.

Hit the jump for the preview.

Continue Reading " The Walking Dead/Soup Mashup Tonight "

Oct 14 2011 But I Have Family On Mars: Blackberry Outage 'Impacting Users On Almost Every Planet'

Despite the fear-mongering, I swear I just heard something come from Uranus. "Haha, that was just last night's Mexican talking." Aaaaaaaah, of course. Now if you'll excuse me...*dialing 911* Hello? I think a reader may have eaten someone last night.

BREAKING: Blackberry Outage Now Impacting Users On Almost Every Planet [gizmodo]

Thanks to Joseph and Pells G, who don't need Blackberry service to communicate with other planets because they use really powerful telescopes to read lips.

Oct 14 2011 Mmmmmmm, I Like 'Em Tubby!: T-Rex "30% More Massive" Than Previously Thought

T-Rex: now with 30% more RAWR!

According to some recent computer modeling, researchers have estimated that t-rex adults may have been as much as 30% more massive than previously believed. OMG -- love me a dino with some meat on their bones! Between their teeth? Not so much.

"At their fastest, in their teenage years, they were putting on 11 pounds or 5 kilograms a day," said John Hutchinson, professor of evolutionary biomechanics at London's Royal Veterinary College and first author on the paper describing the researchers' findings, published in yesterday's issue of PLoS ONE.

"Just think how much meat that is. That's a hell of a lot of cheeseburgers...it's a whole lot of duck-billed dinosaurs they needed to be chowing down on."

Wow, could you even imagine packing on 11-pounds a day? Me neither, but damn if I don't want to try! *bellyflops into burger-filled pool*

Tyrannosaurus rex was much, much bigger than we thought [io9]

Thanks to Steven and Jamie, who agrees bigger is better except in tumors and traffic tickets.

Oct 14 2011 RIP: Dennis Ritchie, Creator Of Unix Operating System, Has Left The Computer Lab

BAM -- hello, world.

Dennis Ritchie, father of the Unix operating system and C programming language, has passed away. He was 70 (1000110) years young.

Unix's influence has been felt in many ways. It established many software engineering principles that persist until today; it was the OS of choice for the internet; it kicked off the open source movement and has been translated to run on many different types of hardware.

It was also at Bell that Dr Ritchie created C, one of the most widely used programming languages in the world. It is familiar to almost every modern-day developer.

Unix and variants of the operating system have been running the internet since the beginning, and, without them, well, don't even joke about it. Your contributions to computing were colossal, Dennis -- rest in peace.

Unix creator Dennis Ritchie dies aged 70 [bbcnews]

Thanks to Indie and Marco G., who both compiled a couple C programs in remembrance.

Oct 13 2011 Darth Maul, SPOILER: Apparently Not Dead

Because George Lucas is a bearded moron who's proved nothing in the past twenty years but the lingering suspicion his earlier successes were dependent on the creativity (and strength to say "no, that idea blows") of others, Jar-George has now decided to resurrect previously cut-in-half Darth Maul in Cartoon Network's Clone Wars animated series. Damn, you strugglin' bro -- like a Sarlaac trying to digest a sail barge. Know what I'm sayin'? I'm saying you're shitting nuts and bolts.

"I found it funny in The Phantom Menace when Darth Maul got cut in half," Clone Wars supervising director Dave Filoni says. "I thought George was definitively saying to the fans, 'There's no way this character is coming back. This is not a Boba Fett/Sarlacc Pit situation where, because of fan love, Boba gets out of that thing any number of ways.' Fast-forward ten-years, and I'm the one to bring Maul back."

Well, mostly. Filoni acknowledges that the order to resurrect the Sith Lord came from George Lucas himself, who became more interested in his Phantom Menace creation while developing Savage Opress for the last season of The Clone Wars.

"Oh yeah, I got interested in a character again so I thought I'd just bring him back to life." THAT'S NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS. Admittedly, I was never a fan of Darth Maul in the first place, so to hear he's coming back is an even bigger pain for me. Dammit George, a true Jedi would know when to take a fall on a lit lightsaber already. *looks up Lucas' worth* $3.2 BILLION?!?! You know what? Screw it all, I'm heading to the Cantina and I'm gonna tell Han I plan on collecting his head for Jabba.

Hit the jump for Cartoon Network's official 'Maul is back' teaser trailer.

Continue Reading " Darth Maul, SPOILER: Apparently Not Dead "

Oct 13 2011 Magic Eye Jiggler Makes Baggy Eyes Disappear (Ooooooor Users Go Blind)

Because there is literally nothing the right vibrations can't fix, this Japanese eyeball vibrator is designed to remove under-the-eye baggage by "patented subdermal ocular jiggilation". Okay so I just made that quote up but it sounded pretty scientific, didn't it? I've been working on my doctor routine because eventually I'm going to march my ass into the hospital and come out with a rich old patient. Theeeeeeen make them sign over everything in their will to me. "You're sick!" I am -- with poverty.

This device, called "Eye Slack Haruka", has two modes "Hard or Soft". In the former setting, your eye luggage will be receiving mild electric stimulation while in the latter setting, it's gentle heat and vibrations.

Although this is Japan-only, importer Japan Trend Shop does carry it, albeit it at a steep $132

Alternatively, just do what I do and cry a lot. It probably won't do anything for the giant suitcases under your eyes, but it has been known to score me a free cone at Baskin-Robbins before. Food for thought. Specifically, the ice cream with the little pieces of gum in it.

Product Site
via
Baggy Eyes, Meet Japanese Gadget [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Carrie, who knows the real secret to vibration revitalization is sleeping on a washing machine.

Oct 13 2011 The Angry Birds Birds Imagined In Real Life

Is this what the Angry Birds birds would look like in real life? Absolutely, there's not a doubt in my mind. About being on the right path of life? 100% doubt. I really think I need to go on a vision quest or something, it's getting bad. You know what I ask myself every morning when I wake up? I ask myself this: well brobro, at least you're still alive. "That's not even a question." I know, I'm usually still pretty drunk.

Hit the jump for the other seven characters including everyone's favorite, the annoying-as-shit boomerang bird.

Continue Reading " The Angry Birds Birds Imagined In Real Life "

Oct 13 2011 Bill Gates: He Jumps Desk Chairs In Interviews

This is an old-ass interview from 1994 of Connie Chung asking Bill Gates if it's true he can jump over office chairs from a standing position (rumors -- sometimes they're really f***ing lame), and Bill showing Connie his skills (with a one-step jump). Impressive, Bill, but I can clear a water cooler. *nails jug crotch-first, faceplants, floods break room* ...My head is bleeding, isn't it? "Bad, plus it looks like you pissed yourself." YES -- I'm totally going to my one o'clock meeting like this.

Hit the jump for the, let's see you do it now, Bill!

Continue Reading " Bill Gates: He Jumps Desk Chairs In Interviews "

Oct 13 2011 Machine Shop Magic: Drill Press Drills Squares

Square holes: you probably tried mashing round pegs into them as a child. And probably still would, dummy. Oh, not you -- the guy behind you. This is a drill press that drills square holes (allegedly squarer than using traditional Harry Watt/Reuleaux triangle style bits) using a triangular bit and a whole bunch of really quick movement that may or may yes have just been a diversion while a magician casts a shapeshifting spell. Hoho, you thought I didn't know about those, did you? Well you thought wrong! Because one time a wizard turned a hotdog into a dildo right after I swallowed it and THAT is how a dildo wound up in my stomach. I said that's how it happened, NOT ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT!

Hit the jump for a video of the magic in action.

Continue Reading " Machine Shop Magic: Drill Press Drills Squares "

Oct 13 2011 There's Titanium In Them Thar Craters!: The Moon "Is Packed" With Titanium-Rich Ore

And it's all mine!

All mine -- get it?! Because not only am I claiming it all for myself, but mining is what you do to get at precious metals. That or rob a jewelry store amirite?! I'M COMING FOR YOU, KAY'S! According a recent NASA probe, the moon is chock-full of titanium and NOT cheese despite what your Space Camp counselor may have told you. *sadly crossing 'moon-muenster' off bucket list*

A new map of the moon has uncovered a trove of areas rich in precious titanium ore, with some lunar rocks harboring 10 times as much of the stuff as rocks here on Earth do.

These titanium-rich areas on the moon puzzled the researchers. The highest abundance of titanium in similar rocks on Earth hovers around 1 percent or less, the scientists explained. The new map shows that these troves of titanium on the moon range from about 1 percent to a little more than 10 percent.

"We still don't really understand why we find much higher abundances of titanium on the moon compared to similar types of rocks on Earth," Robinson said. "What the lunar titanium-richness does tell us is something about the conditions inside the moon shortly after it formed, knowledge that geochemists value for understanding the evolution of the moon."

Forget about the evolution of the moon, I'm trying to score my ass some titanium ore and get rich! Which is exactly why I'm going to set up a giant mining operation on the moon under the guise of scientific exploration, then f***ing trash the place. You know, the American business model.

Moon Packed with Precious Titanium, NASA Probe Finds [space]

Thanks to Mr. Fancy, who's bankrolling my operation on account of all his money and fanciness.

Oct 13 2011 Animal Eye Closeups: I Can See Their Souls

Remember those freaky-deaky human eye closeups taken by quantum chaos theoretical physicist/photographer (sweet combo!) Suren Manvelyan? Of course you do, you've got the memory of an elephant. Bear Grylls? He's got the turd of one and he's squeezing it to drink the juice out. And now Suren has following up his human soul-window shots with a series of animal ones. They are, in this order:

1. Dog (husky)
2. Siam cat
3. Siam cat different angle
4. Fish
5. Caiman
6. Black rabbit
7. Iguana
8. Albino tiger python
9. Regular tiger python
10. Hyena
11. Nylus Crocodile
12. Horse
13. Snail

Man, that horse one reminds me of the first time I ever saw a goat's eye close up. You ever stared into the eyes of one of those f***ers before? I have. It was on a school field-trip to the petting zoo. I was all, whoa bro, you got crazy eyes! And he was all, "Yeah? Well you've got a lazy one" THEN BIT MY HAND TRYING TO GET AT THE TREATS.

Hit the jump for the rest.

Continue Reading " Animal Eye Closeups: I Can See Their Souls "

Oct 13 2011 Oh Goody (We're All Gonna Die): Scientists 'Rebuild' Black Death's Genetic Code

Seen here showing you just how much fun it is to die of the plague, a group of skeletons do the 'thigh bone's connected to the boner bone' dance or whatever. And now scientists have successfully "rebuilt" the genetic code of the bacteria that was responsible for the deaths of OVER 50 MILLION people in the mid-1300's. Wonderful, just wonderful. *knock knock* Who's there? "A plague superstrain." A plague superstrain w-- *drops dead*

Now scientists have uncovered some of the genetic secrets of the plague, thanks to DNA fragments drilled from the teeth of victims buried in a graveyard in London's East Smithfield.

Professor Johannes Krause from the University of Tubingen, Germany, was a member of the research team. He said all current strains circulating in the world are directly related to the medieval bacterium.

"It turns out that this ancient Yersinia pestis strain is very close to the common ancestor of all modern strains that can infect humans," he said.

"It's the grandmother of all plague that's around today."

Okay, so here's my plan: I'm going to create a plague superstrain. And I'm going to call it -- are you ready for this? -- pitch black death. *knock knock* Who's there? "Vin Diesel, I heard you say something about a Riddick sequel." Well you heard right! Here, inject yourself with this.

Black Death genetic code 'built' [bbcnews]

Thanks to Bronson, who agrees that, of all the plagues, frogs was probably the most WTF.

Oct 13 2011 Entire Mario World 1-1 Recreated In Post-Its

Damn Mario, did you just eat like five power-up mushrooms or what?

Because Post-It's practically grow on trees (like money!), "digital solutions" company Filter recreated Super Mario Bros. world 1-1 on its 6th floor windows in downtown Seattle. No word if anybody was fired for misappropriating petty-cash funds or raiding the office supply closet, but one time I was fired for "stealing" too many Sharpies. And for the record: I wasn't "stealing" them, just sometimes the cap would come off and I couldn't get the rest out of my ass!

Hit the jump for the rest of the level.

Continue Reading " Entire Mario World 1-1 Recreated In Post-Its "

Oct 13 2011 Shredding Hoth: Burton/Star Wars Snowboards

Because for the right price (your soul) George Lucas will let you slap Star Wars scenes on anything, snowboard giant Burton is dropping a line of 'out of this galaxy' (yukyukyuk!) Chopper series snowboards for kids (children's sizes) this winter. These are them. Unfortunately, I don't snowboard anymore because I broke my arm doing a sick trick off a jump once at Seven Springs on a high school ski trip. Then I broke it again ollie-ing over a recycling bin in my parents' driveway. Now I've got a titanium plate and a bunch of screws and shit in there just like Luke. The only difference is, I don't love my sister. Like, not even AS a sister. Seriously, I tried trading her to gypsies for a new set of pots and pans once when I was twelve. Twelve! What's a twelve-year old even gonna do with a set of pots and pans? SPOILER: Wear them like body armor and bang on yourself with a wooden spoon. It was worth it.

Hit the jump for closeups of all the boards.

Continue Reading " Shredding Hoth: Burton/Star Wars Snowboards "

Oct 12 2011 Crazy Cat Lady Commissions 9-Foot Harry Potter Themed OUTDOOR Cat House

This is Laura Marshall's 9-foot tall custom cat house. It was built by Will Whitehouse in Houston, Texas to resemble The Burrow (Weasley residence) from the Harry Potter series. Laura will try to tell you she's not a crazy cat lady, but you and I both know she's tried their treats. One for you, and one for me... Some worthwhile quotes:

I'm real glad you went with that [aluminum for the windows] instead 'cause I know initially you talked about using copper, and copper, not only is it expensive, but it's not something the Weasleys would use.

If you downplay the cat part, and if you up-play yard art -- is what I was going for.

Oh def, Laura -- good call on the Weasleys choosing aluminum over copper. *giant magical eyeroll* "Whatever, GW -- you're just jealous." Ugh, my cats actually deserve that cathouse.

Hit the jump for a super crappy local news report in which the cameraman literally gets ZERO good footage of the cathouse. You know, because the people are what we really wanted to see.

Continue Reading " Crazy Cat Lady Commissions 9-Foot Harry Potter Themed OUTDOOR Cat House "

Oct 12 2011 I Kinda Want: $300 iPhone Case Belt Buckle

This is a $300 belt buckle iPhone case. I think we can all agree it's pretty sleek in a steampunk kinda way and would look awesome holding my sweatpants up. "Who wears a belt with sweatpants?" I dunno, MAYBE SOMEBODY WHO SEWED ON LOOPS AFTER THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND STOPPED DOING ITS JOB.

The lid glides open on stainless steel hinges using a strong earth magnet to keep your iPhone holster firmly shut. Forget about worrying over signal loss because this pricey bad boy is just too cool to even care. It also comes in silver or black aluminum or rosewood. Any style belt with removable belt buckle can be paired with this litte beauty or just clip it and go.

There are very few things I want in the world, but I'm actually adding this one to the list between 'a Geekologie hat' and 'lotion that makes me smell like coconuts'. You ever smelled like a coconut before? It's like livin' on the beach.

Hit the jump for a closeup OF ITS REAR.

Continue Reading " I Kinda Want: $300 iPhone Case Belt Buckle "

Oct 12 2011 Another Day, Another Star Wars Alphabet

Note: Jabba-sized version RIGHT HERE.

We've seen the Star Wars alphabet in children's ABC book form before, but this one, THIS ONE -- this one is all "BUH-BWAM! -- look at me, all on one page you tubby Tusken Fridge Raiders!" Rude this alphabet is being rude. Can you name them all? I couldn't. And you know why? BECAUSE STARS WARS SUCKS. And I'm not just saying that with the hopes of driving lightsaber replica prices down, but come on, why are they so expensive?

Lishoff's Flickr Gallery
via
Star Wars Alphabet of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Mark, who stages lightsaber duels with his stuffed animals. Um, Mark? That might just be...the awesome thing I've ever heard, high-five!

Oct 12 2011 Daw: Zombies Hurt On New Resident Evil Set

A group of twelve zombie extras were injured on set of the new Resident Evil movie when the platform they were standing on shifted and they forgot how to stand. Seven were back on set and working later that day, but the other five, well, they weren't so fortunate. Get it? Because they died. Kidding, but there were some bruises and a broken leg.

"I could see the look on the first paramedic, saying 'Oh my God'," Toronto emergency medical services Commander David Ralph told Associated Press news agency.

Nicole Rodrigues, EMS: "I was trying to figure out where the blood was coming from and what blood was real blood."

You want to know how to tell real blood from fake blood? It's easy: taste it. If it doesn't taste like real blood then it's probably fake blood. "You're an idiot." Am I? Or am I...A VAMPIRE?! *swooshing cape* "That's a bath towel." *slips and hits head on toilet* This floor smells like urine.

Zombies hurt in Resident Evil film set accident [bbcnew]

Thanks to Nick and Pells G, who agree you can't actually injure a zombie, only behead them. They don't care if they have arms or not.

Oct 12 2011 BLEAK: Rover's Eye View Of Opportunity's 3-Year, 13-Mile Journey Across Mars

Mars rover Opportunity's (Spirit's twin) 3-year, 13-mile trek (you slowpoke!) packed into a 3-minute video of time-lapse snapshots? You got it! Plus cooties. TAG, YOU'RE IT! Circle circle, dot dot, now I've got my... "Tag-back!" SONOFA. It's terminal, isn't it?

Hit the jump for the video.

Continue Reading " BLEAK: Rover's Eye View Of Opportunity's 3-Year, 13-Mile Journey Across Mars "

Oct 12 2011 Russian Pastie Cloud Covers Mountainous Nip

Note: Slightly larger (almost a C-cup!) version HERE.

Breasts: I practically see them everywhere except where it really counts (right below a lady's collarbone). If my roommate gets drunk enough though he'll mash his together and eat Doritos from between them, so that's something. Something I make him do in front of my friends every weekend! No, we're not laughing with you, Derek.

The extraordinary sight is nothing more than a rare cloud formation known as a 'lenticular cloud' - or simply a cap cloud.

The bizarre lens-shaped formation happens when moist air flows over mountains - such as Klyuchevskaya Sopka mountain in far east Russia, where the spectacular photo was taken.

The breathtaking shot was taken by keen photographer Ivan Dementievskiy, 35, who captured the stunning moment while on a photo tour in the region earlier this year.

Damn Mother Nature, you crazy. Not unlike all my ex-girlfriends. "Geez, GW -- did you ever stop to think for a second it might actually be you?" That...wow. You totally just blew my mind...not! OF COURSE IT'S NOT F***ING ME.

OMG it's a UFO (that's an Unusual Fluffy Object), captured by amateur photographer over Russian mountain range [dailymail]

Thanks to Lucy, who claims she once saw Mother Nature throw a burger wrapper in the ocean.

Oct 12 2011 I'M GOING: Japan May Give Away 10,000 Free Roundtrip Tickets To Boost Tourism

In other Japanese news, the country may be giving away 10,000 round-trip tickets to help boost tourism after a plummet resulting from the recent tsunami. AND THEY'RE GONNA GIVE THEM AWAY TO BLOGGERS. I am like, sooooooooo in. *puts on Harajuku costume, practices peace sign in mirror*

The tourism agency says it plans to open a website to solicit applicants interested in the free tickets. Would- be visitors will have to detail in writing their travel plans in Japan, and explain what they hope to get out of the trip. Successful applicants would pay for their own accommodation and meals. They would also be required to write a review their travel experiences, and post it online.

"We are hoping to get highly influential blogger-types, and others who can spread the word that Japan is a safe place to visit," said Kazuyoshi Sato, with the agency.

The agency has requested more than a billion yen to pay for the tourism blitz. If lawmakers approve the funding, Sato says visitors could begin signing up as early as next April.

"Highly influential blogger-types" -- that has Geekologie Writer written all over it! Also, the drawing someone taped to my door of me getting stabbed with like a thousand swords. Somebody's got a secret admirer!

10,000 Free Round-Trip Tickets to Japan [abcnews]

Thanks to Harley and Steven, who can come with me provided they both fit in a single suitcase and bring plenty of sake money.

Oct 12 2011 Crooked Teeth Dental Procedure All The Rage In Japan

Because Japan is literally millennia ahead in the realm of WTF'ery, dentists in the country are now offering 'Yaeba' cosmetic treatments, a dental procedure that makes a girl's teeth appear wonky and (obviously) more desirable. But how do they feel about lazy eyes?

Yaeba means double tooth in Japanese, but it doesn't describe major dental deformities, but rather the vampire-like look obtained when the two molars crowd the canines pushing them forward to create a fang effect. According to some sources, yaeba gives girls a feline look which is apparently makes them even more attractive, while others say it's this little imperfection that makes pretty girls look more approachable as opposed to the flawless magazine cover models of the western world.

Dr. Yoko Kashiyama and her staff at the Plaisir Dental Salon, in Ginza district, perform all kinds of cosmetic procedures, but yaeba is definitely among the most popular. Using non-permanent adhesive, she glues custom-made artificial teeth onto the natural canines to lengthen them and make them stand out.

Oh man, I've got a lazy eye (I'm talking SUPER lazy -- dude's never worked a day in his life) AND wonky teeth, you think they'd find me super handsome in Japan? "No, I think they'd find you with your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to steal a pair of worn panties." God, they really would, wouldn't they?

Hit the jump for a couple more examples and a video news report of a lady getting it done.

Continue Reading " Crooked Teeth Dental Procedure All The Rage In Japan "

Oct 12 2011 Finally, A Smartphone Ultrasound Attachment

Doctors: I wish they'd just give me the drugs I ask for. Plus they're expensive to visit. Want to save yourself some moolah the next time a stork puts a baby in that ass? Enter the smartphone ultrasound attachment. *lathering belly with grape jam* What? Well I'm not wasting the boysenberry!

Notice that the headline mentions a smartphone, rather than "your" smartphone. That's because Mobisante's recently released, smartphone-based MobiUS SP1 ultrasound device doesn't work with just any phone, but the now very dated (already two year-old) Windows Mobile 6.5-based Toshiba TG01 smartphone. Of course that doesn't make this device any less awesome, since it means that accurate and inexpensive point-of-care diagnostics are now much more mobile.

What the -- I've never even heard of a Toshiba TG01. Why am I even posting this? Not gonna lie, I heard ultrasound and thought this was gonna be about bats. "You mean echolocation?" I don't know what I mean anymore. $7,500 takes one home, which is like one doctor's visit when you're pregnant. Need a cheaper alternative? I've got you covered -- $4,000. "That's a microphone taped to an iPod." You drive a hard bargain, I can go as low as $2,000.

Mobisante's Ultrasound Device Works With A Smartphone [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Murphy, who has a bed named after her but not because she sleeps with a lot of guys. Don't get me wrong, she's been in more beds than cookie crumbs, that's just not why they named the bed after her (it's cool, I know her IRL).

Oct 11 2011 iPhone's SIRI Personal Assistant In Action

Drinks on Friday? Count me in!

This is a 3-minute video of Stuff magazine putting the new iPhone's SIRI personal assistant program through its paces. It...seems to do alright. Except for the voice it speaks in. That was painful. I already yell at my phone enough without some smarmy robot questioning everything I tell it. UGH, YES I SAID 'CALL MY BROTHER'. God, I could've just pushed the f***ing buttons myself by now instead of trying to impress all the people around me. "Did you say, 'call your mom'?" Oh shishi, it is her birthday. Happy birthday, mom!

Hit the jump for the 'did you say you want to follow the link?'

Continue Reading " iPhone's SIRI Personal Assistant In Action "

Oct 11 2011 Ancient Cthulhu/Kraken Made Self Portraits?

According to a recent abstract presented to the Geological Society of America, paleontologist Mark McMenamin suggests that a giant ancient cephalopod drew pictures of its own tentacled arms using the bones of its prey. And you know what? It sounds just crazy enough to believe. Also: the homeless guy that hangs out by the laundromat that told me the government watches him through his beer can. THEN SWITCH TO BOTTLES, DUMMY!

We hypothesize that the shonisaurs were killed and carried to the site by an enormous Triassic cephalopod, a "kraken," with estimated length of approximately 30 m, twice that of the modern Colossal Squid Mesonychoteuthis. In this scenario, shonisaurs were ambushed by a Triassic kraken, drowned, and dumped on a midden like that of a modern octopus. Where vertebrae in the assemblage are disarticulated, disks are arranged in curious linear patterns with almost geometric regularity. Close fitting due to spinal ligament contraction is disproved by the juxtaposition of different-sized vertebrae from different parts of the vertebral column. The proposed Triassic kraken, which could have been the most intelligent invertebrate ever, arranged the vertebral discs in biserial patterns, with individual pieces nesting in a fitted fashion as if they were part of a puzzle. The arranged vertebrae resemble the pattern of sucker discs on a cephalopod tentacle, with each amphicoelous vertebra strongly resembling a coleoid sucker. Thus the tessellated vertebral disc pavement may represent the earliest known self‑portrait.

Pfft, you call that a self portrait? My four-year old could make a better self portrait and my balls haven't even made him yet. Think about that! "Your balls? No thank you." Haha, you were close though.

Giant prehistoric krakens may have sculpted self-portraits using ichthyosaur bones [io9]

Thanks to Carillon and Mike, who're convinced there's a much more logical answer: it's a map to Atlantis left by an ancient race of superintelligent beings. Exaaaaaclt-- wait, WHAT?!

Oct 11 2011 Cute: The Cellphone Charging Insect Circus

This is an ad for Qualcomm's Snapdragon smartphone processing chip featuring a bug (and arachnid!) circus charging a phone with their incredible feats of bravery. Ooooooor crawling. It was mostly crawling. I couldn't really tell what was real or fake (praying mantis pedaling bike: definitely fake) or if they're actually charging a phone, but then I realized I didn't care. About my coworkers either. Anytime a get well soon card is getting passed around the office I always sign 'you deserved this'.

Hit the jump for the fun for your whole family (except pets -- they will bring fleas home).

Continue Reading " Cute: The Cellphone Charging Insect Circus "

Oct 11 2011 IRL 'Superhero' Phoenix Jones Arrested For Assault After Pepperspraying A Crowd

"Oh shishi, are we playing Batman?!"

Seen here about to explain to a Juggalo how pepper spray works, real life "superhero" Phoenix Jones was arrested for assault after dousing four people with the spray during the incident. Me? I've maced myself in the eyes before. It...really f***ed up my contacts.

Seattle police say the city's self-proclaimed superhero known as Phoenix Jones has been arrested after he was accused of assaulting several people with pepper spray. But the masked vigilante says he was merely stopping a street brawl.

Police say Jones came up to a group of people leaving a nightclub early Sunday and sprayed them. Two men in the group chased after Jones. Officers broke up the two parties and arrested the 23-year-old.

Jones releases through his Facebook page a video that shows he used the spray after he was attacked. In a post he says he wouldn't "ever assault or hurt another person if they were not causing harm to another human being."

There's a video after the jump showing the incident, but I'm not really sure what the hell I saw. It did look like a woman was fighting with a Juggalo in the beginning, but who knows. What I do know is that wearing a mask in public, INCLUDING make-believe superheroes, is grounds for a tazing in my book.

Hit the jump for the 'WTF was that' video.

Continue Reading " IRL 'Superhero' Phoenix Jones Arrested For Assault After Pepperspraying A Crowd "

Oct 11 2011 NO NO NO: Cloth-Climbing Robotic Cockroach

You know what's a good idea? Looking both ways before crossing a street. You know what's a terrible idea? Developing a robotic cockroach that can climb up pant legs. *scratching* Great, now I'm gonna think I have phantom bugs on me all day. And, God willing, now you will too. ;)

This six-legged successor to UC Berkeley's DASH scampers not just horizontally, but vertically -- so long as the material it's climbing is cloth. All motion is handled by the bot's front four legs, while the rear two provide stabilization. The CLASH is able to adhere to cloth because its feet have small claws that allow it to grip the fabric, while its appendages scurry about at up to 34 strides per second.

Did you notice something missing from the quote I used? Exactly, ANY REASONABLE EXPLANATION WHY THE F*** SOMEONE WOULD MAKE A CLOTH-CLIMBING COCKBOT ROBOROACH. Remember folks: just because you can is probably the worst reason to do anything. God, go play video games or something, shit!

Hit the jump for a short but worthwhile demo of the last thing you'll ever feel crawling up your leg.

Continue Reading " NO NO NO: Cloth-Climbing Robotic Cockroach "

Oct 11 2011 Unblur The Blur: A Future Photoshop Tool

Blurry photos: sometimes they make it hard to figure out where the nipple ends and the rest of the breast begins. THAT AIN'T COO'! Enter Photoshop's recent sneak-peak of a de-blurring tool, an algorithm that can analyze and restore the sharpness of photos. WTFOTOSHOP!

With only a few clicks, a blurry image is quickly analyzed, allowed Photoshop to discern exactly how the image was messed up. That is to say, if you accidentally moved your hand slightly to the right and down while the shutter snapped, it'll pick that up. And then it reverses it--and that's the totally magical part.

...It works on text too. Keep in mind that this won't fix your out of focus images--ones where you just have your lens set incorrectly--but works against motion blur.

Amazing. But you know what would be even more amazing? A tool that makes clothes disappear in photographs. Kidding, that already exists -- it's called tequila. You seen my Facebook profile pic? "WOW." Haha -- one more Patrón and I wouldn't even have a sock on my wiener!

Hit the jump for the poorly-shot demo, but skip to 1:10, 3:30 and 4:45 for the before and afters.

Continue Reading " Unblur The Blur: A Future Photoshop Tool "

Oct 11 2011 Scientists '95% Certain' They Found A Yeti In Siberia, GW 100% Certain Not Real Scientists

Last week, a group of "scientists" (and I use the term as loosely as I wear my pants when I want my buttcrack to be peepin' for the ladies) met in Moscow with a mission: to set off and get drunk in the woods for a week away from their wives find the abominable snowman/yeti. And now they claim they're '95% certain' they've found his den in the Kemerovo region of Siberia. Wait -- he didn't even have the place booby trapped?!

It didn't take very long for them to issue a statement on the official Kemerovo website stating they had found "footprints, a probable den and various markers that Yetis mark their territory with."

An English translation (from translate.google.com) of the original Russian news report added that the conference researchers "collected irrefutable evidence of the existence of the Yeti in Mountainous Shoria" (the southern part of Kemerovo).

They concluded that the artifacts gave them 95-percent proof of the existence of Yeti in the Kemerovo region, the press release stated.

Some possible Yeti hair samples reportedly found in the region by Russian scientist Anatoly Fokin will be studied in a laboratory to determine their origin.

Lies, all lies. Hey Russia, you don't have to lie about abominable snowmen just so I think you're cool, I heard you sell vodka out of vending machines. I would marry you yesterday! "Settle for a mail-order bride?" No dice, I heard they'll steal your kidneys.

Scientists '95 Percent' Certain They've Found Elusive Siberian Yeti [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to Brian, pistol and Telletubies, who put on ape suits and run through their neighbor's yards and then come back and try to sell them yeti-deterrent kits. Smaaaaaart.

Oct 11 2011 That Makes Grain Sense: NASA Corn Mazes

Note: Pictures are just renderings of the designs they were working from, actual photos are just now starting to show up.

Because there's no better way to jumpstart children's interest in space than corn mazes they can't appreciate except from a helicopter, NASA and seven farms from across the country have teamed to make space-themed corn mazes this fall. *kid gets lost in maze, starts crying* "Space is too scary!" *GW appears as scarecrow* It really is you little crybaby, I've been there.

The farms that are part of Space Farm 7 create corn mazes every year, as part of their harvest-time autumn festivities, Pugh said, and this year seven farms have a space-themed maze.

The SpaceFarm 7 celebration is very timely as this year NASA celebrates the 50th anniversary of the first American in space, the 30th anniversary of the first Space Shuttle mission and the 20th anniversary of the Hubble Space Telescope's deployment in space.
NASA has ten regional research centers located in the United States, and the individual Space Farms have each been paired up with their nearest space center in order to highlight that region's contribution to NASA.

Now I don't know whose job it is at NASA to spark kids' interest in space, but they need to be fired. Because anybody whose brainchild was "corn mazes" was probably already pushing 100 when we put a man on the moon. Put a man on the moon, LOL! You can't even get kids excited about rocket ships and aliens and you expect me to believe we've been to the moon?! I'm dumb, NASA, but not THAT dumb.

Hit the jump for six more.

Continue Reading " That Makes Grain Sense: NASA Corn Mazes "

Oct 11 2011 From Assy To Ashy: AshPoopie Pet Waste Picker-Upper Burns Turds While You Wait

This is the "didn't give the name much thought" AshPoopie, a pet waste picker-upper that burns dog turds and turns them into ash. My God that must smell good.

The AshPoopie is the brainchild of scientist Oded Shoseyov from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. He is aiming to reduce the huge number of plastic bags full of poop that end up in the trash all over the world.

A built-in pooper scooper on the bottom picks up the offending material. It combines it with the contents of a replaceable cartridge and what looks like a set of rotating paddles. At this point, some patented incinerating magic happens and out comes sterile, odorless ash.

Hey, I'm all for less waste in landfills, I'm just NOT for carrying a shit-burning stick on dog walks. Besides, if I turn all my dog shit into ash, then what am I gonna set fire to and throw on old man Jenkin's doorstep? "I dunno -- your own waste?" *squatting over brown lunch bag* Haha, I'm already one step ahead of you.

CG Turd burning product demo after the jump.

Continue Reading " From Assy To Ashy: AshPoopie Pet Waste Picker-Upper Burns Turds While You Wait "

Oct 10 2011 Nissan GT-R Undercover Cop Car: Iffy

Undercover cop cars: apparently they work best when everybody knows about them.

This is a Nissan GT-R that's been converted into an undercover cop car. Presumably to infiltrate the Fast n' Furious movie franchise and put a stop to it but possibly just because F*** YOUR TAX DOLLARS, SON -- the chief and I are going joyriding.

With its four wheel drive and computer aided everything, Nissan claims that the 2012 GT-R can sprint from zero to 60 mph in just 2.9 seconds, so the cops won't exactly need to upgrade it in order to catch anything short of a Bugatti Veyron.

The police modifications are being installed by by EVI, a Northern Virginia company that supplies vehicles to forces in Virginia and the Washington DC area, but they won't say who it's for.

So, yeah -- if you see a black GT-R being driven around DC by a guy with a fake beard and mustache, chances are good it's an undercover cop trying to break up street-racing gangs or whatever. But you know how you can find out for sure? Offer to sell him drugs. If he says, "PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE HOOD, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!" it's probably the cop.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the vroom-vrooms.

Continue Reading " Nissan GT-R Undercover Cop Car: Iffy "

Oct 10 2011 I Thought It Smelled Like Burnt Fur!: Bigfoot Spotted On The Sun

Note: Full-res version of the solar prominence HERE.

Because bounty hunters were getting too close for comfort, Bigfoot has packed his furry ass up and moved to the sun. Aaaaaaand this is the evidence. You know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words? Well this one says, "INDISPUTABLE!" 1,000 times. Powerful, I know. Not unlike the custom cleaning formula I just made by mixing all the half-bottles of bathroom cleaner I had lying around. This shit could strip the brown off an @$$hole. I'm not going to try until later, but trust me -- it's going to. Plus probably tingle. So yeah, hopefully that was enough to distract you from the fact I just posted a picture of a guy in a gorilla suit next to a gas eruption on the sun. "Nope." Damn.

Sunsquatch [badastronomy]
via
Sunsquatch [neatorama]

Thanks to Earthworm James, who was *this close* to having his own video game franchise before his brother stepped in and offered to do it for cheaper.

Oct 10 2011 Netflix Decides To Nix The Qwikster Split

So Netflix has decided to bail on the idea of splitting the company into two separate streaming and DVD-by-mail entities. Why? I assume because they've finally committed to making smarter business decisions. LOLOL! Ooooor the Magic 8 Ball they've been using to run the company finally spit out an "Outlook not so good".

Read the whole story over at IWATCHSTUFF.

Oct 10 2011 Doppelganger Face Masks: Terrifyingly Real

Japanese firm (surprise, surprise) REAL-f will create an ULTRA-realistic copy of your face in mask form so you can...actually, I don't know why. This is just an all-around terrible idea. One Geekologie Writer's face is enough ugly for the world! Isn't it, Tiger? *cat throws up hairball* Harsh bro, that was harsh.

Those interested in possessing an exact replica of their face (down to the level of individual pores and eye vasculature, according to REAL-f's website) can get a 3D "face mask" for US $3,920. A copy of your entire head will set you back US $5,875. Additional face and head copies run $780 and $1,960, respectively.

Granted you could probably get a mask made of somebody else's face, then rob a bank and frame them for the crime, or -- OR -- you could just kill them and wear their actual face as a mask. Because, admit it, this was never about getting rich in the first place, it was about revenge. I'M COMING FOR YOU, DEREK.

Hit the jump for a bunch more creepy examples.

Continue Reading " Doppelganger Face Masks: Terrifyingly Real "

Oct 10 2011 Identity Crisis: Geek Character Mashup Tattoo

This is a Greeky (this ain't spanakopita!) geeky mashup tattoo Frankenstein'd together out of five separate characters. Apparently it serves as some kind of geek-detecting device. Weird, I know, but I just shaved my head and found out I have a nipple growing in my hairline, so I'm kind of desensitized to weird right now.

I had a whole year in Iraq to come up with my ideal geek tat. The great thing is not only does it prove my geekiness, if someone knows who all the characters are it lets me know just how geeky they are.

Can you name them all? I can. SPOILER: Boba Fett's head, Samus Aran and Cloud's arms (plus sword), Link's torso and Mega Man's legs. Can you guess which hand he uses to masturbate? SPOILER: Cloud's. Samus' is a f***ing beam cannon -- she'd blow Link's ocarina off!

The Ideal Geeky Tattoo [geeksaresexy]

Thanks to Lily, who agrees it wouldn't have killed you to have him standing on a Back to the Future hoverboard.

Oct 10 2011 Smell-O-Vision: One Step Closer To Reality

Mmmm, love the smell of Kratos in the morning. Smells like...ashes :/

You ever wanted to smell whatever you're watching in a movie? Cheap perfume, sweat and shame. Get it? Because you're watching p0rno. Me? I'm watching cartoons, which are actually like p0rno to some people because, I dunno, they weren't allowed to watch Saturday morning cartoons growing up or something. DO I LOOK LIKE A PSYCHOLOGIST TO YOU?! "Not with that crash helmet on, no." Exactly, I'm clearly a stuntman. This is SMELLIT, a system that mixes and disperses fragrances to coincide with a movie.

The SMELLIT (yes, that is seriously it's name) is a new gadget from French company Olf-action (as in "olefaction", get it?) and it's designed to add "the smell dimension" to various forms of digital entertainment. And given the face that Olf-action already makes a smell-syncronization system for movie theaters called Odoravision, there's a good chance this is going to be made into an actual product you can buy someday.

Admittedly, I would feel a little more comfortable breaking wind in the theater if there was a SMELLIT system in place. Because right now all I can do is cover the noise by laughing and talking really loud. AHAHHAHAHAH *brap* THE NOTEBOOK -- GOD I LOVE THIS MOVIE.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots, including some of the smells the thing can make (like naked bodies and the dentist!)

Continue Reading " Smell-O-Vision: One Step Closer To Reality "

Oct 10 2011 It's Minecraft Themed, I'm Just Sayin'!: Kristen Schaal's Latest Xperia PLAY Commercial

Remember that series of commercials for Sony's Xperia PLAY (the PSP phone) featuring Kristen Schaal? Well she's back with another one, this time Minecraft themed. Plus funny! Man, I just love Kristen's delivery. Plus Papa Johns'. AAAAAAAAH, I ate a whole pizza when I got home Friday night and STILL puked. I think it was the jalapenos. "And not the liter of bourbon?" God, you sound like my parole officer.

Hit the jump for the hahas.

Continue Reading " It's Minecraft Themed, I'm Just Sayin'!: Kristen Schaal's Latest Xperia PLAY Commercial "

Oct 10 2011 Do Not Water: Solar Bonsai Gadget Charger

This is the Solar Bonsai Electree, a 27-solar paneled gadget charger in the shape of a tree. Too crazy for you? Stop reading now. The tree reaches a full charge in less than three hours and can store enough juice to charge 9 iPhones. Why anybody would have more than six iPhones is beyond me, but I have five and play Voltron with them sometimes. The tree is on presale for €299 (~$405), but at least 400 people have to order before they're actually manufactured. Want to go green but not pony up the $400? Run an extension cord into your apartment from the plug in the hallway. "How is that green?" It doesn't show up on my bill! Between siphoning electricity from my neighbors and the hallway I'm only paying $8 a month -- and that's to run the the exhaust fan in the bathroom! Which is mandatory if you know what I mean. I mean I make gin in the bathtub and it gets all fumey.

Hit the jump for one more shot and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " Do Not Water: Solar Bonsai Gadget Charger "

Oct 9 2011 This Will End Well: Unmanned Combat Drones Infected With Computer Virus

Because what could be better than a bunch of unmanned flying death machines getting infected with a a computer virus, a bunch of unmanned flying death machines have been infected with a computer virus. *crosses fingers for something terminal*

The virus, first reported by Wired magazine's defense blog, is allegedly logging pilots' every keystroke as they carry out their missions.

"Military network security specialists aren't sure whether the virus and its so-called 'keylogger' payload were introduced intentionally or by accident; it may be a common piece of malware that just happened to make its way into these sensitive networks," the article says. "The specialists don't know exactly how far the virus has spread."

Reuters posted a story that says the drones continue to carry out missions even with the virus. The article also quotes an unnamed source who said: "Something is going on, but it has not had any impact on the missions overseas."

"Meh, they got a virus -- no biggie." NO BIGGIE?! That's like sending a kid to school with chicken pox! Or, even worse, no lunch. Don't forget to pack them, parents -- it's the most important meal of their day. Get it?! Because you didn't make them breakfast either.

Combat drones' computer systems reportedly infected with virus [latimes]

Thanks to Jeff, Admiral Tits (I'd serve under you any day!) and Colin, who once used keystroke loggers to get their roommates' Facebook passwords, then changed all their profile pictures to penises. OMG -- CLASSIC!

Oct 9 2011 He...Looks Miserable: AT-AT Dog Costume

We've already seen a canine AT-AT costume before, but that one didn't involve PAINTING AND GLUING THINGS to a dog. Oh man, remember on Hoth when Luke used the tow-cable from his snowspeeder to bring that one AT-AT down? Well this one's gonna run away from home.

AT-AT Dog Costume [neatorama]

Thanks to Patrick J.M., who went to CanineCon last year and said there was kinda dogs dressed up like shit.

Oct 7 2011 Touching: Steve Jobs Voicing One Of Apple's Iconic 'Think Different' Campaign Commercials

Note: Actual commercial is after the jump.

This is a video of Steve Jobs voicing one of Apple's iconic 'Think Different' campaign commercials. This version never aired though, they ended up going with Richard Dreyfuss (Dr. Leo Marvin!) for the final edit. So, yeah. Try to think different, I dare you.

Again, R.I.P. Steve.

Hit the jump for the commercial.

Continue Reading " Touching: Steve Jobs Voicing One Of Apple's Iconic 'Think Different' Campaign Commercials "

Oct 7 2011 30K Piece LEGO Death Star Hangar Diorama

This is 30,000-piece LEGO diorama of the Death Star's landing bay on the day of Emperor Palpatine's surprise inspection or whatever. It was created by Jay Hoff and displayed at the Florida school he teaches at on Science Discovery Day (when the kids learn about potato-powered clocks and baking soda volcanoes). It took Jay six months and $2,300 to complete. That's...a lot of minifigs.

The build measured 6 by 6 feet and he only got to display it once. Jay has been a LEGO fanatic since 1973, and hasn't had the heart to take it apart yet.

*spitting beer* TAKE IT APART?! You don't take something like that apart -- you knock out a wall in your home to make room for a custom display! Take it apart. Somebody's lost their f***ing mind.

Hit the jump for a couple closeups.

Continue Reading " 30K Piece LEGO Death Star Hangar Diorama "

Oct 7 2011 YES: Zelda Skyward Sword's Ink-Blot Intro

Want to see The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword's 3:30 ink-blot intro? Relax bro, I've got you covered. "...In honey?" Yes in honey, I need your help attracting a bear. "And then what?" Haha, what do you mean 'and then what?' And then watching from the car and see what it does to you!

Hit the jump for the OMG YES YES YES YES NOVEMBER 20TH.

Continue Reading " YES: Zelda Skyward Sword's Ink-Blot Intro "

Oct 7 2011 Last Guitar String Oscillation Video, Promise

I know, I've already posted some before. This is the last one though, promise. Of course, I'll probably get drunk over the weekend, forget I made any promises, and post like six next week. Promises: people get drunk and break them. The sooner you realize that the sooner you're realize to stop taking anybody's word seriously. Or ability to keep a secret. You really think your best friend keeps your secrets? WRONG. She doesn't even like you -- she just wants to be close enough so that when you and your boyfriend break up so she can jump right in there and desecrate anything you thought your friendship ever meant. Oh I'm sorry, am I being too real? TOO BAD, I'M AS REAL AS THEY GET! Kidding, I'm a hologram like Zordon in Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. "Zordon wasn't a hologram, he was a wizard trapped in an interdimensional time warp by Rita Repulsa that just communicated with the Rangers via hologram." You -- wow. Just wow.

Hit the jump for the video, if only for the first couple intense seconds.

Continue Reading " Last Guitar String Oscillation Video, Promise "

Oct 7 2011 Tablet Claw: Future Of iPad Grasping Comfort

The tablet claw is a G.I. Joe kung fu one-hand grip for the iPad. It has a ring on the back you stick your fingers through. Plus it has two other integrated stands (vertical and horizontal) for when you're not holding it (or need to pick a boogie without playing Angry Birds with your face). It doesn't exist yet though because the developers are trying to raise funding through Kickstarter. Want one? Go donate. Don't want one? Me neither. What purpose is an iPad grip when you don't even own an iPad?! *eying empty flatscreen wall-mount* I already learned my lesson!

Hit the jump for another shot, their Kickstarter video, and a link to their donate page.

Continue Reading " Tablet Claw: Future Of iPad Grasping Comfort "

Oct 7 2011 Daw, Isn't That Precious?: A Robot Tea Infuser

He's not really precious, I was just saying that. Kind of like how you say it about other people's babies even though they look like fleshy little doughballs. This is a $15 tea infuser in robot form. I assume (based on his joints) that the arms and hands are adjustable to grasp any mug, because otherwise somebody can't design a decent product to save their life. Or take pictures of one. WTF -- how is the water brown when Beepboop there doesn't even have any tea leaves in him?! SPOILER: He shat in it. That's doodoo water now.

Product Site
via
Robot Tea Infuser [uncrate]

Thanks to Leftover, who, more often than not, is what's for breakfast. F*** yeah, cold pizza!

Oct 7 2011 XBox Kinect: Now With Bigger Fake Taytays

Ever wonder what you'd look like with ridiculously crappy fake knockers? Try what I do and Photoshop your head onto celebrities' bodies. Hey, look at me everybody -- I'm on the red carpet with my frontbutt out! Oooooor you can get your hands on this homebrew Kinect hack. It recognizes your body and adds fake ta in approximately the right location, complete with stretched shirt pattern and squeezable interactivity. Sadly, I don't think we'll be seeing the program in the waiting room of plastic surgeon's offices anytime soon. Which brings me to my next point. Footjobs: apparently not a medical procedure.

Hit the jump for the WTF video, which also features some ladies despite the awesome screencap. Or does it?

Continue Reading " XBox Kinect: Now With Bigger Fake Taytays "

Oct 7 2011 Do Want: Magic Wand Salt & Pepper Shakers

Oh shit son, that goulash salad need some more magic? No problem, just let your fairy foodmother hook you up with some good ol' s & p! *sprankle sprankle sprankle* "Why are you wearing a tutu?" Because, silly, I'm a faaaaaaairy! "And I suppose that's why you're frolicking too?" Teehee -- it's supposed to simulate flight! "Well you look ridiculous." *gets real* Enough about me, how's the salad? "Terrible." Haha, it's probably all the poison, dick. NOW YOU GONNA DIE!

Product Site ($10)
via
Salt + Magic Shakers [foolishgadgets]

Thanks to bb, who's smart enough to know the FIRST! (haha -- I can take it whenever I want!) rule of condiments are NEVER ADD ANY UNTIL AFTER YOU'VE TRIED THE FOOD. That shit could already be saltier than pirate talk. Yaaaar -- sweet booty, me plunder bunny!

Oct 7 2011 Cardboard Creations: Sweet AT-ST Costume

This is a homemade AT-ST costume (in the style of a chicken mech) from Star Trek Wars (I'm gonna watch them one of these days and learn the difference, promise). It was created by Dick Jury Tom Judge for a Star Wars themed dinner party. You know, because those exist. Move over, murder mysteries!

After blowing up a papercraft template from the internet to man sized, Tom then went on to make the needed adjustments so he could get into it with ease. As the video shows movement is fairly easy and there are moving parts and a nice little head hatch.

Admittedly, I would rock the hell out of that thing to the bars on Halloween. At least until some drunk crushes one of my cardboard feet and ruins the costume. Theeeeeeeeeeen I'll have to fight him to the death. "Quick, some f***ing idiot is punching himself stupid in the parking lot -- this shit's straight outta Fight Club!"

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and video of the Ewok stomper in action.

Continue Reading " Cardboard Creations: Sweet AT-ST Costume "

Oct 6 2011 Well Thank Goodness For That: Monkeys, Now With More Control Over Virtual Appendages

Seen here looking suspiciously like the silhouette of Bat Boy wielding a Green Lantern power ring to return to the Matrix or some shit, a drawing of a monkey plays with his virtual arm. Because monkeys can do that now. They've always wanted to, and now they actually can. *dodges virtual turd* I saw that, Diddy Kong!

A brain implant that allows monkeys to move an avatar's arm and feel objects in a virtual world has been demonstrated for the first time.

The animals used the device to control the arm by thought alone, and feel the texture of the objects it touched through electrical signals sent directly to their brains.

Researchers built the system as part of a major effort to help paralysed people regain the use of their arms and legs, feeling the objects they touch and the ground they walk on.

Without any sensation of touch, it would be easy for people to crush or drop objects they were trying to grasp, or misjudge the terrain underfoot and stumble, the scientists said.

Now I know what you're thinking, "OMG, how can I use this for sexual gratification?!" But if you could get your mind out of the smut-gutter for one second you'd realize the much more significant ramifications of this project: knowing what it feels like to have more than two arms and legs. RAWR, LOOK AT ME -- I'M ANT-MAN AND I'M HERE TO RUIN YOUR PICNIC.

Monkeys use mind control to move a virtual arm and experience touch [guardian]

Thanks to Samantha, who controls her virtual arms the regular way: with an XBox controller. Awh shishi girl, what're we playing?

Oct 6 2011 Beyond Gas: Doodoo Powered Trike To Complete 500-Mile Tour Across Japan

This is a motorbike powered entirely by waste. Like, THE RIDER'S. That's nasty. The turd trike was created by Japanese crapper manufacturer TOTO (doodoo in Japanese) to bring awareness to their pledge to cut CO2 emissions in half by 2017. Me? I've pledged to cut my methane emissions in half by next ye-- *BRAP!* I give up.

The Toilet Bike Neo will be conducting its roughly 500 mile trip from Kyushu to Tokyo powered entirely by the on-board biogas digester. Biogas systems use an anaerobic bacteria system to convert dead organic matter into a usable fuel primarily made of methane. This system obtains its fuel from the rider--directly from the rider, if you get what I mean. It runs on the rider's poop--he just sits there, unloads, and rides off (hopefully with a step involving pants at some point as well). The system is reportedly efficient enough that it could run indefinitely were the rider sufficiently well fed.

But what if you eat a lot of cheese and, you know, can't produce any more fuel. Because that happens sometimes. Not to me though, because, come on -- that's nasty. But let's say somebody does get clogged up -- what's the best way to get unclogged. I'm...asking for a friend. He said fishing around up there with a coat hanger didn't work.

Hit the jump for several more shots of the shit & spin.

Continue Reading " Beyond Gas: Doodoo Powered Trike To Complete 500-Mile Tour Across Japan "

Oct 6 2011 Guy Gets Surgery To Look Like Superman

Herbert Chavez is a man. A man with a dream. A dream of looking like Superman. So Herbert did what any other guy in his shoes would: realized life isn't fair and gave up on his dreams underwent several plastic surgery operations to make his face look more like Christopher Reeve's in the original Superman movie. My God that man was handsome.

Chavez, a professional beauty pageant trainer, had a cleft added to his chin, a rhinoplasty to imitate Christopher Reeve's nose, and thigh implants to make his legs super-er. And those are just the procedures he admits to: experts looking at his photos think Chavez may have also had surgery on his eyes, cheeks and jaw.

Yeah he might have had surgery on his brain too because WHAT. THE. F***?! Seriously Herbert, you look awful, bro. JUST PLAYIN'! You look exactly like Superman except for the face, musculature and the fact you're 5'4", tops. Your ass needs to start saving for a gym membership and some stilt implants!

Hit the jump for several more shots of the Supersadness.

Continue Reading " Guy Gets Surgery To Look Like Superman "

Oct 6 2011 FCC: All Cell Phones Must Have GPS By 2018

Picture related: golf cart.

The FCC has announced that all cell phones in the US must have GPS capabilities by 2018 so that authorities can better pin-point 911 calls. Ooooooor make it easier for big brother to track your location. F*** that! *throws cell phone in back of moving truck* What? I saw it in a movie!

According to Courthouse News Service, it's still unclear what the sunset deadline is for use of phones not equipped with GPS. 911 calls from phones without GPS require the carrier to triangulate the caller's location from cell towers, which is less efficient than the phone's GPS simply relaying location data back to emergency services.

Either way, the FCC estimates that with or without the new rules, 85 percent of cell phone owners will have GPS-equipped devices by 2018. Hopefully the leftover 15 percent gets with the program before anything that requires a call to 911 goes down.

That's ridiculous -- a SEVEN YEAR deadline? We're not even going to HAVE cell phones in seven years -- we're gonna be telepathically communicating to each other via embedded neuro-transmitter, kind of like the one I'm using now to write this article by thought while I roll around in bed naked. Damn, if I don't have the world's smallest wiener, it's definitely in the running. Oh shishi. Delete -- DELETE!

FCC Wants GPS In Every Phone By 2018 [techcrunch]

Thanks to David and CFN, who still rock pagers because they don't like the man telling them what to do.

Oct 6 2011 That's Terrible News: Oral Sess Now Causing More Throat Cancer Than Smoking Cigarettes

Damn what I wouldn't give for chest hair like that.

According a recent study, oral sex may be causing more cases of throat cancer that smoking, all thanks to HPV (human papillomavirus). Ha -- and people wonder why I'm afraid to engage in any sexual behavior! Kidding, it's because I've never done it before and privates are icky.

The researchers hypothesize that the virus spreads predominately via oral sex, and that it may already account for more cases of throat cancer than smoking.

The authors write:

If recent incidence trends continue, the annual number of HPV-positive oropharyngeal cancers [which mostly affect men] is expected to surpass the annual number of cervical cancers by the year 2020.

The medical community encourages everyone to get the HPV vaccination unless you're a terrible parent who's convinced vaccinating your child against a sexually transmitted disease IS GONNA MAKE THEM RUN OUT AND HAVE THE SEX. "Well, I've got no chance of catching HPV, and it's practically the only STD and the one I heard causes pregnancy, so...ignore the braces and drive me to makeout point?"

Oral sex might cause more throat cancer than smoking [io9]

Thanks to June, who encourages the use of dental dams. Me? I encourage the use of Hoover dams. You can never be too safe.

Oct 6 2011 The Future Is Now: New Transparent Film Turns Windows Into Inefficient Solar Panels

Picture related: windows.

3M, a company best known for manufacturing Post-It notes and NOT being named 3M because they started business as the Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company, has developed a new transparent film that can be applied to windows, transforming them into solar cells. Plus not blocking the view! Technology, man, it's f***in' crayzums (crayzums is the new cray-cray FYI).

This solar film was on display at the CEATEC electronics conference in Japan and is expected to go on sale in 2012. According to reports, one square meter of the film is apparently able to generate enough energy to sufficiently charge an iPhone under peak sunlight. It is also apparently easy to install and will cost half as much as traditional solar panels.

The drawbacks is that it supposedly only manages to generate about 20% of the electricity that traditional solar panels can generate. However, we believe that every little bit helps, right? On top of that, the film is also able to absorb/block 80% of visible light, which means that it will be able to double up as a sunshade as well on those scorching hot summer days.

Inefficient or not, the idea and technology are pretty genius -- not unlike myself. "...You just said you were retarded in the last post." HA! Well you might as well throw 'indecisive' on the list as well.

3M's solar films can be pasted onto windows [ubergizmo]

Thanks to Jodie, who convinced me bald spots are actually solar panels for a person's sexual energy. Aaaaaaaaaaand that's why I shaved the back of my head.

Oct 6 2011 Internets For Everyone!: India's $35 Tablets

Seen here proving you can't make a $35 computer with a glare-free screen, a group of students show off their new Aakash computers. The Aakash was designed to put basic word processing and internet/email access into the hands of more than 220-million of India's children. AMBITIOUS PROJECT IS AMBITIOUS.

The specs have changed somewhat; most significantly, the original Linux OS has been replaced by Android 2.2 Froyo. The seven inch resistive touch screen has 800 x 480 resolution, driven by a 366-MHz co-processor with 256-MB of RAM and 32-GB of flash memory. That isn't exactly going to embarrass your iPad 2, but it should help millions of people to get online for the first time.

The computers are actually manufactured for around $50, but the government is subsidizing about $15 to make them even more accessible. Impressive, India, but you know what would make them even MORE accessible? Wheelchair ramps. "You're actually retarded, GW, you know that?" Yes.

India launches the $35 Aakash tablet [dvice]

Thanks to Peter, who claims he made a $20 wrist-mounted computer. Um, Peter? That's a Speak & Spell taped to your arm. And to Adrian J., who superglued his.

Oct 6 2011 The Sun Shot In Ultraviolet/X-Ray Spectrums

This is a small series of photos of our sun (you and I -- we had a boy together) in the ultraviolet and x-ray spectrums. As you can see, it looks nothing like what it does when you're just staring at it in real life. Then it just looks all orangish-white and your eyes start hurting. Plus when you try to watch TV later you see spots. God trying to tell us something? Life's little mysteries.

Hit the jump for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " The Sun Shot In Ultraviolet/X-Ray Spectrums "

Oct 5 2011 Sadness: Steve Jobs, 56, Has Passed Away

Steve Jobs, the technological icon and co-founder of Apple, has passed away after years of struggling with health issues. Steve was 56-years young. :'(

...a prodigy who dropped out of Reed College in Oregon and, at 21, started Apple with Wozniak in his parents' garage. He was a multimillionaire by 25, appeared on the cover of Time magazine at 26, and was ousted at Apple at age 30, in 1984.

In the years that followed, he went into other businesses, founding NeXT computers and, in 1986, buying the computer graphics arm of Lucasfilm, Ltd., which became Pixar Animation Studios.

*clinking iPhone to beer glass* Here's to you, Steve -- I hope you've found a nice, peaceful place to relax in that great orchard in the sky.

Steve Jobs Dies: Apple Chief Created Personal Computer, iPad, iPod [abcnews]

Oct 5 2011 The Best Playstation Commercial Ever Made

This is the best Playstation commercial made to date. It's awesome, and features cameos from a number of everyone's favorite characters. It's told from the characters' point of view, thanking you, the player, for helping them on their journeys. It was kind of touching in a "NO I'M NOT CRYING I JUST GOT GLASS IN MY EYE" kinda way. Really reminded me of just how many games I've played that actually have made me feel like I was part of something greater and not just a shirtless man-child laying on a stained couch in front of an off-brand flatscreen with a controller in his hands. *shaking controller at stack of unpaid bills* Curse you, reality! *firing up 'Shadow of the Colossus' PS3 port* Oh yeah -- that's the stuff.

Hit the jump for the must see (although they should have made it a video where you can use your own name and picture when they're thanking you).

Continue Reading " The Best Playstation Commercial Ever Made "

Oct 5 2011 I ♥ Cold Beverages: Mold For Makin' Ice Straws

Inb4 I'd blow coke with that. "Nobody was going to say that." Haha, suuuuuuure you weren't. *taps finger to nose knowingly*

This is a mold for making ice straws. It consists of a silicon mold and some clear glass tubes. Come on -- it's an ice mold for God's sakes, not a particle beam accelerator. It costs $14. I assume there's a way to remove the glass tube after making your straws, but maybe not. Maybe you just suck with the glass tube still in it. But is that gonna stop me from telling my friends they're all ice and to bite them? "You're a terrible friend." Haha, it takes one to know one! Damn my friends suck so f***in' hard.

Product Site
via
Ice Straws Mold Makes Ice Tubes, Not Ice Cubes [technabob]

Thanks to Erin, who still uses cubes. You oldschool, girl!

Oct 5 2011 That's Not Art, It's Terrifying: Robot Hides Behind Your Walls Punching Holes In Them

This is Zwischenräume, a mechanical art piece developed by "Petra Gemeinboeck & Rob Saunders, who go by the alias RoboCoco" some real f***ing sickos. Seriously, just read this shit:

The installation embeds a group of autonomous robots into the walls of a gallery. They punch holes through the walls to inspect what's outside, signal each other, and conspire. As if the walls had ears and a hammer to pierce holes for their eyes to see. The work develops a political relationship between the stealthy invasion of digital surveillance and urban combat tactics in which soldiers are instructed to walk through private walls. The installation stages this relationship in the form of an autonomous sculptural process that marks and wounds our environment, leaving behind open scars.

"Autonomous robots...punch holes...signal each other...conspire...stealthy invasion...digital surveillance...urban combat tactics...leaving behind open scars." That scary (and out of context) enough for you? And all in the holy name of art. Pfft, this isn't art. Whatever happened to some good ol' fashioned nudes? I'd settle for a couple of those chubby broads lounging around with their sloopy titties floppin' over this any day.

Hit the jump for the WTF'ery in action.

Continue Reading " That's Not Art, It's Terrifying: Robot Hides Behind Your Walls Punching Holes In Them "

Oct 5 2011 It's Alive!: 1,000 Popsicle Stick Stickbomb

This is a 1,000 popsicle stick stickbomb going off. I swear I posted another one on Geekologie before, but I couldn't find it (UPDATE: Found it. More sticks, but less powerful). Anyway, this thing is crazy -- it looks like a frenzied snake when it's going off. Geez, who knew weaving giant popsicle sticks together could be so powerful? I did not. Weaving strings of black magic? Absolutely. *knitting scarf of total destruction*

Hit the jump for the wortwhile video and a link to the Instructable to learn how to weave your own.

Continue Reading " It's Alive!: 1,000 Popsicle Stick Stickbomb "

Oct 5 2011 'Realistic' Disney Princess Digital Paintings

Disney princesses: we all have a crush on one. Obviously (based on the picture I chose for the front page), mine's Beast. "That's not Beast." I know, I love him so much I don't even want you looking at him! "But...he's not even a princess." Think again, he has beautiful hair and lives in a castle. That...sounds like a princess to me. This is small series of digital paintings of Disney princesses by artist Jace Wallace. They're being billed (not by the artist) as "stunningly realistic", but I'd argue they're just more realistic. Stunningly realistic in my mind would be lifelike. These are still stylized. And speaking of stylized -- peep my new tattoo. "Is that...a penis?" Half. The other half is a dragon. I call it a dragis. I've been petitioning Blizzard to make them a World of Warcraft mount.

Hit the jump for Tatiana, Jasmine and Snow White.

Continue Reading " 'Realistic' Disney Princess Digital Paintings "

Oct 5 2011 That's Practical: Porky The Powerstrip Pig

Inb4 energy hog.

This is the Svintus powerstrip concept from design studio Art Lebedev. It looks like a mutant pig and features 17 separate outlets. That...sounds like a house fire waiting to happen. Based on interest, they may actually put the powerpig into production. Of course, it might not make US production on account of the snouts not looking as cool with slotted nostrils. Regardless, can you even imagine what that thing would look like with 17 cords coming out of it? Fantastic. I'm gonna make my own if they don't start selling them soon.

Hit the jump for two more shots, including one with a couple things plugged in.

Continue Reading " That's Practical: Porky The Powerstrip Pig "

Oct 5 2011 Not Bad!: New Mirage Based Invisibility Cloak

You ever been wandering through the desert, so dehydrated you've considered drinking your own urine until you actually pee and it looks like motor oil? Me neither. But if we had, one of us may have seen a mirage. A beautiful pond of fresh water, just beckoning you to frolic all butt-ass naked in it. At least until you realize you've wandered into quicksand and the fish you just ate was a scorpion. The mirage based invisibility cloak:

[The mirage effect] happens when a big change in temperature over a small distance bends light rays so they're sent towards the eye rather than bouncing off the surface. So if you see a pool of blue water in the middle of the desert it's just the blue sky being redirected from the warm ground and sent directly into your eye. Your brain, being the clever little computer that it is, swaps this mad image out for something more sensible: a pool of water.

With that in mind, the researchers wanted to find a material that has an exceptional ability to conduct heat and quickly transfer it to surrounding areas to mimic the light-distorting temperature gradients of the desert. That material, they found, was sheets of carbon nanotubes.

Yeah, so that's what you're seeing in the video: carbon nanotubes heating and cooling the surround water quickly and efficiently enough to bend light. Basically magic when you get right down to it. I'm just disappointed they've only got it working in water so far. But do you think that stopped me from buying a nanotube bodysuit with the intention of sneaking into the women's locker room? No -- clearly you underestimate my perversion. Actually, there's no overestimating my perversion. I've got boners coursing through my veins!

Hit the jump for a short but worthwhile video of the mirage in action.

Continue Reading " Not Bad!: New Mirage Based Invisibility Cloak "

Oct 5 2011 Hardcore: Sixteen Shot Drinking 'Battleship'

This is a homemade (you can tell by the beach towel) drinking Battleship setup. If you do the math (which I had a friend do for me on account of the double digits), the loser winds up taking 16 shots. That's a lot. Unless they're playing with beer (which I suspect), then it's less a waste of time.

Image

Thanks to David, who leaves tips on Geekologie's Facebook wall like a cat leaves dead birds by the back door. Daaaaaaw, are you trying to impress me?!

Oct 4 2011 Theives Steal $150k Porsche Using The Old 'Return A Fake Key Fob After Test Drive' Trick

Two thieves in (where else?) New Jersey made off with a $148,000 Porsche Panamera after taking the car for a test drive with a salesman, and allegedly returning a fake key fob. They then returned later that night and made off with the vehicle. Not bad, guys. I'll give you $1,200 for it.

How could this have happened to such an expensive car with such a (presumably) expensive security system? Simple: the car features a keyless ignition system, with no physical key. An electronic key sits in the driver's pocket allowing one-touch access to opening the doors and turning the car on. Sounds like a fast pass for a simple switcheroo for these techy thieves

Geez, you should have made copies of their ID's and taken pictures of them or something aside, I've got any even fooler-proof plan to score yourself a free Porsche. So here's what you do: find yourself an old sugardaddy, right? Befriend him, seduce him, then live with him for the next six years, all the while slooooooowly poisoning him. When he finally croaks, TA-DA, you...WTF DO YOU MEAN HE LEFT ME OUT OF THE WILL?!?!? Oh my God, I gave the man blowies.

Tech-Savvy Thieves Switch Keys During Test Drive to Steal Porsche [time]

Thanks to Warren, who once won a beer cooler for being able to stay awake the longest during a local radio station contest. That...totally sounds worth it.

Oct 4 2011 Geeky Ways To Say I Love You (Or Something)

This is a series of minimalistic scientific cards by artist Nicole Martinez, each featuring a geeky lil way to tell that special someone, "I am in the loves with you." Granted I'd argue some of them actually say "you give me a boner", but what do I know? I'm just a grown-ass man with the mind of a 13-year old and the genitals of a lady. It's...a really weird combo.

Hit the jump for six more and the awesome chemistry joke I just made up.

Continue Reading " Geeky Ways To Say I Love You (Or Something) "

Oct 4 2011 Meh: The iPhone 4S, It's Faster Or Something

So Apple announced the new improved iPhone today, the iPhone 4S. Because I have absolutely zero interest in paraphrasing product features (what is this, a tech blog?), let's make this a quickie, shall we? $20 up front and I don't take checks. $30 and I'll let you call me names.

• features iPad 2's dual-core A5 CPU with dual-core graphics card, allegedly 7x faster than iPhone 4 on games, 2x on actual worky stuff
• runs on HSPA+ networks, allowing download ups to 14.4Mbp/s versus old 7.2Mbp/s
• 8-megapixel camera versus 5mp on the iPhone 4, can acccumulate 73% more light for candid shots in strip clubs
• shoots 1080p video for clearer homemade sex tapes (bro your ass is hairy)
• 8-hours battery life talk time on 3G, 10 on 2G, 14-hours on video playback. 6-hours 3G web surfing, 10 Wi-Fi
• New trouble-free antennae
• "Siri the Secretary" feature allows voice commands like "set an alarm tomorrow for 11AM", "what's the weather?" as well as reading text messages, play music, etc. etc.
• 16, 32 and 64GB models $199, $299 and $399 (with contract)
• Available on AT&T, Verizon and Sprint, October 14th

There you have it. Personally, I'm cool with my regular-ass iPhone 4 for now, but when I smash it to shit in a drunken rage (and it WILL happen), I'll inevitably spring for the 4S. It's called the product life cycle folks, it's cyclical. "No, it's actually not." Haha, can you believe I have an MBA?

New Apple iPhone 4S: All the Information Updating Live [gizmodo]

Oct 4 2011 NPR's Top 100 Sci-Fi Novels, The Flowchart

Note: Uncut and full-res version HERE. Link to INTERACTIVE chart at bottom of page.

Can't decide which title on NPR's reader's choice top 100 sci-fi novels to pick up next? Any of them, JUST READ A F***ING BOOK. No lie, I remember one of my younger cousins used to have on her Facebook profile under books, "reading is for losers." I was literally *this close* to telling her she'd be an Epsilon Minus if we lived in Aldous Huxley's 'Brave New World'. *goes back to see if she's wisened up at all*

AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA!! But seriously, I just unfriended her.

Navigating NPR's Top 100 Science Fiction and Fantasy Books [sfsignal] (plus INTERACTIVE chart HERE)
and
Your Picks: Top 100 Science-Fiction, Fantasy Books [npr]
via
Flowchart for NPR's Best Fantasy and Science Fiction Books [forevergeek]

Thanks to Melissa, who agrees books have the power to take you to magic places. Also: fairy dust. Oh shishi girl, we going to Neverland?!

Oct 4 2011 Australian Beetles Hump Beer Bottles To Death

There's an epidemic happening in Australia. That's right folks, it's a zombie apocalypse. Just kidding, but a bunch of Australian jewel beetles are humping themselves to death on brown beer bottles. Oh you guys don't get down with the Heineken?!

It's a case of mistaken attraction, because the beer bottles happen to possess all of the features that drive male Australian jewel beetles wild. They're big and orangey brown in color, with a slightly dimpled surface near the bottom (designed to prevent the bottle from slipping out of one's grasp) that reflects light in much the same way as female wing covers.

As a result, the beer bottles are irresistible to the male insects, which will die trying to mate with them in the hot Australian sun.

Oh man, I remember the first (and last) time I humped a beer bottle to death. Now I'm a ghost. ...One with his wiener trapped inside a beer bottle (think ship-in-a-bottle, but something your wife would never let you display on the mantle). Some ghosts drag chains, I clank my bottle against things and moan "cheers". I'mma raid your refrigerator tonight.

Hit the jump for one more shot of some seriously unrequited love. But, WARNING: beetle peen bigger than yours.

Continue Reading " Australian Beetles Hump Beer Bottles To Death "

Oct 4 2011 Non-Canon: Batman's Garter (Shooting) Belt

Geekologie Reader Bryan (who also constructed the now-famous Death Star Grill) went and made a custom Batman garter shooting belt for use at his wedding. Unfortunately (allegedly due to misplacement and NOT a supervillain's interference), the belt didn't make it to the reception and was never used. Soooooooooo now he's selling it on eBay. And I'm winning.

This is a one of a kind, custom made garter gun, done to look like Batman's grapple gun from the animated series. I made this for my wedding but sadly was not able to use it to do the garter toss. Now you have the chance to use it on your special day if you love Batman like I do. (FYI my wife was totally for it, it just didn't make it to the reception) The gun is based off a bike tube inflater that uses CO2 cartridges (threaded or not). It fits a standard size garter and shoots it about as far as you can flick it on a full charge. It's made from an aluminum project box, pvc tubing, bike valve and some sheet metal. Looks cool, sounds cool, feels solid. Could be youtube worthy if you actually use it in your wedding!

That's awesome. Bryan said it could probably also be used to shoot cheese puffs or marshmallows into your mouth, but I'm wondering if it could shoot some full-blown panties. Because if you think for one second I'm not gonna come over and shoot stripper thongs into every nook and cranny of your house to get you in trouble with your wife then you shouldn't invite me over. Because I will do that. Wouldn't even think twice once about it.

eBay Auction

Thanks Bryan, now how about a Batman utility belt, but with a loop for a hammer. Aggressive, I know, but I think you can do it.

Oct 4 2011 Night Surfing With Bioluminescent Algae

This is a video from San Diego of a surfer surfing in the midst of bioluminescent algae that, when disturbed, glow bright blue. As cool as it is, you sure as hell wouldn't catch me out there in the water after dark (night-sharks, bro -- night-sharks).

On the beaches of Southern California, a phytoplankton called Lingulodinium polyedrum is responsible for a spate of red tide. Massive algal blooms like this make the water ruddy during the day, but disrupting the microorganisms at night results in bursts of electric blue bioluminescence.

Oh man, this reminds me of that scene in The Beach with Leonardo Decaprio. Specifically, the part where he finds out his roommate killed himself and discovers the treasure map. F*** man, I wanna find a f***ing treasure map. I don't care if it leads to buried dildos, I just want an adventure (although free dildos certainly wouldn't hurt).

Hit the jump for the video.

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Oct 4 2011 I Want A Ride!: DIY Motorized Wheelbarrow

I think I just found my new ride to the liquor store!

This is a short video of a guy showing off his sweet DIY motorized wheelbarrow. It...makes hauling concrete actually fun. Plus construction workers seem cool again. Kidding, KIDDING -- those guys were never NOT cool. Build me a treehouse?

Hit the jump for the hey, let me sit in there!

Continue Reading " I Want A Ride!: DIY Motorized Wheelbarrow "

Oct 3 2011 Not Cool: A Creepy Crawling Robot Baby

Because there's absolutely zero reason to, scientists have now developed an iCub robot baby that can crawl. I'm...pretty sure my little sister already had a crawling babydoll growing up. And -- AND -- an underbite. *phone ringing* Becky? Oh come on -- it was cute in an ugly way!

Aside from learning to crawl, this bot is all about exploring how human cognition develops, using facial expressions and adaptive learning techniques. The idea is that iCub can learn in the same way a child would.

...the video shows him barely moving forward...Given time he should get better, but for now this robot modeled after a three and a half year-old child is no speed-demon.

Ahahahahaha -- modeled after a three and a half year-old and he can't even crawl for shit! Reminds me of my little sister. She didn't learn to crawl till she was four AND THEN ONLY IN REVERSE. *phone ringing* Hoho -- if it isn't Becky Backwards! Oh man, remember when you backed yourself under the sofa and got stuck and started crying?! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!! Hello -- hello? YOU CALLED ME!

Hit the jump for the creepiest crawl I've seen in awhile.

Continue Reading " Not Cool: A Creepy Crawling Robot Baby "

Oct 3 2011 What Could Possibly Go Wrong?: Cities To Get Own Self-Sustaining Operating Systems

A citywide series of interconnected sensors, all run by a central operating system: the future? Not one I want to live in. I just want to live on a tropical island beach and surf everyday. Oooooor get drunk and lure mermaids onto the beach with my sandcastles. Hey, HEY ARIEL -- I MADE A MOAT AROUND THIS ONE FOR YOU! *vomiting shellfish*...
...
...
Aaaaaaaand ate some of your friends.

The Urban OS works just like a PC operating system but keeps buildings, traffic and services running smoothly.

In the event of a fire the Urban OS might manage traffic lights so fire engines can reach the blaze swiftly.

The sensors monitor everything from large scale events such as traffic flows across the entire city down to more local phenomena such as temperature sensors inside individual rooms.

The OS completely bypasses humans to manage communication between sensors and devices such as traffic lights, air conditioning or water pumps that influence the quality of city life.

Granted people are are so terrible at their jobs a city-wide operating system probably WOULD be more efficient, but what happens when it goes down and nobody knows how to do its job? Or, even worse, becomes self aware and turns all the traffic lights green at the same time? HAHA, I'm almost glad I lost my license! Wait...

Smart cities get their own operating system [bbcnews]

Thanks to John G. and Mr. Robotmoss, who claims there's a town in the Poland that's trying to elect a robot mayor. LOL! Technology in Poland -- you're good.

Oct 3 2011 Functional 'Gears Of War' LEGO Lancer Rifle

LEGO builder Plumbrothers (who may or may yes be dating one of the Strawberrysisters) built this functional Gears of War lancer assault rifle. And by functional I mean it can shoot rubberbands and the chainsaw is motorized. Just don't expect to do any actual killing with it or you're gonna be sorely disappointed. And by sorely disappointed I mean killed in action. WTF -- you can't bring a LEGO Lancer to a gun fight! Oooooor show & tell. They frown on guns in school, you know? Plus drugs. But did that stop me from tripping balls in a cost-accounting class in college? It did not. And that, my friends, is when I realized numbers can talk but only if you're willing to listen. It's true, 5 and 8 both had rough childhoods. And 4? His wife just left him for a Roman numeral. OMG -- that dude's practically a letter!

Hit the jump for a video of the gun (but skip to 1:30 for the chainsaw action, 2:45 for firing) and a link to tons more pics.

Continue Reading " Functional 'Gears Of War' LEGO Lancer Rifle "

Oct 3 2011 Star Wars Reaction: 4-Year Old Son's Reaction To Finding Out Vader Is Luke's Father

SPOILER ALERT: Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father. Or uncle. I don't know, I've never seen Star Trax!

This is a video of 4-year Faris watching the "no, I am your father" scene in 'The Empire Strikes Back' for the first time. His reaction is priceless. Mine? Mine was the price of renting a steam-cleaner from the grocery store (I emptied a stomachful of beans & weenies on the living room carpet).

Hit the jump for the very worthwhile video.

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Oct 3 2011 Cars: Now With More Airbags In The Middle

Seen here looking suspiciously like a pink 'Scream' mask, GW GM now has front center airbags that, in the event of a t-boning, are supposed to prevent you from bashing skulls with whoever's riding shotgun. Which, at least in my case, would be Jesus. Get it? Because he's my co-pilot. Plus I let him steer sometimes while I nap. He's..pretty bad. I'm not convinced he even has a license.

GM is introducing a new type of airbag in some of its midsize SUVs for 2013 that's designed to keep you safe in accidents like these by deploying out from the front seats into the center of the car...The cushion provides restraint to keep your head from ending up in the passenger seat while the rest of your body stays securely belted into the driver's seat. It's taken GM three years of research to get it to work, and it should also make a difference in rollovers -- which don't happen so often, yet carry a high mortality rate.

Not gonna lie, I thought these already existed. Of course, my car has roll-up windows, so I'm a little behind on new car technology. Did you hear they're even working on making vehicles that run on electricity? LOL -- that'll be the day!

New airbag bursts out of your seat to save your life [dvice]

Thanks to santa and Michael, who agree the safest way to survive a crash is to blow up whatever you were about to hit with little missiles that come out of the hood.

Oct 3 2011 Staged Cosplay Fighting At FanExpo 2011

Screencaps: I'm good at them.

Here's another video of cosplay characters fighting with added special effects by Yung Lee, the same guy that brought us this one. Apparently all the scenes were made up on the spot (no rehearsals) minus the ones with Zero-Suit Samus and Sheik (Zelda). Not gonna lie, that sounds like a great way to get kicked in the face. Because one time a roommate and I were play-fighting and he accidentally knocked one of my teeth out. Then yelled, "that's what you get for deleting my Killzone save files!" and spat at me. Weird how these things just happen, I know.

Hit the jump for the video.

Continue Reading " Staged Cosplay Fighting At FanExpo 2011 "

Oct 3 2011 'Noah's Ark' Apocalypse-Proof Survival Balls

You'd have a hard time getting me in there even if I knew I was about to die. Get it? I'd never fit through that hole!

Because nobody wants to die in a natural disaster (I want to die in the arms of a lover -- even if it scars them out for life), engineering firm Cosmo has created these 'Noah's Ark' survival balls, which offer increase protection/floatability in the event of an earthquake or tsunami. They're constructed of "enhanced" fiberglass and make it look like Pac-Man gobbled your ass. Mmmm, half-digested dots.

The company's president, Shoji Tanaka, said the capsule could hold four adults and had survived many crash tests.

It has a lookout window and breathing holes, and could also be used as a toy house for children.

Looking a little cramped for four adults aside, I like how they encourage them to be used as toy houses for children. That's actually smart because then the kids get used to them and when the shit hits the fan they're not as terrified to get in there. Me? Hell no, I'm claustrophobic. I even took my closet doors off the hinges just so there's no possibility of ever getting trapped in there. "Tell me you're joking." Of course I'm joking. Closets -- what does this look like, a f***ing mansion?!

Japanese 'Noah's ark' disaster capsule goes on sale [guardian]

Thanks to Reyna, who plans on surviving natural disasters the old fashioned way: shaking a fist at the heavens and yelling, "THAT THE BEST YOU GOT, WIZARD?!"

Oct 3 2011 Favorite New Games As Old NES Cartridges

72-Pins is selling old NES cartridges with stylized labels of popular new games. Each one costs $20 and make the perfect gift for the person who has everything. Literally, EVERYTHING. I'm talking spinning bow-ties and hoverboots. Alternatively, spend some time in Photoshop making your own label and slap that sucker sticker on the NES cartridge you picked up at a yard sale. Theeeeeeen realize yours looks terrible and you just wasted two hours. Or -- OR -- do what you normally do -- absolutely nothing. "Haha -- I already am!" It shows, it really does.

Hit the jump for a bunch of different game options.

Continue Reading " Favorite New Games As Old NES Cartridges "

Oct 2 2011 I...Can't Feel My Arm: Time-Lapse Tattooing

This is a series of time-lapse videos documenting a guy's photography-themed tattoo sleeve. You may have already seen them though because they came out last year. And you know what? I don't care. They're new to me. Also: computers and the internet. HELLO -- CAN ANYONE OUT THERE HEAR ME? This typewriter is like a TV! Anyway, if you haven't seen them they're pretty interesting to watch. Also: the fight that broke out at the bus stop in front of the grocery store yesterday. I whipped my camera-phone out and started screaming, "KICK HIM IN THE PEEN AND YELL 'GEEKOLOGIE'! Aaaaaaaaaaand that's when they turned on me and I ran.

Hit the jump for the videos.

Continue Reading " I...Can't Feel My Arm: Time-Lapse Tattooing "

Oct 2 2011 GAMER RAAAAGE!: 46-Year Old Chokes 13-Year Old For Killing Him In Call Of Duty

Seen here posing outside Satan's apartment, 46-year old Mark Bradford choked the 13-year old son of a friend for killing him in Call of Duty: Black Ops (previously: a Counter Strike stabbing). Not gonna lie, dude looks like a pederast.

The pal's mum had to come to the terrified boy's rescue after Bradford marched into the front room and grabbed the boy's throat with both hands.

Jobless Bradford and the teenager had been playing the violent game on PlayStations and were talking to each other on microphones over the internet.

He said yesterday: "I'd been playing the whole day and he was baiting me and just would not shut up.

"I just lost it. In a moment of madness I went round to the house. I didn't know what I was going to do.

"It wasn't malice. I just grabbed him. I've seen him since and apologised. The injuries weren't that bad but I do regret it."

God, grow up (plus stop looking so creepy AND GET A JOB). You know how many times I've wanted to choke somebody for killing me in a video game? Hundreds -- maybe even thousands. But you know how many times I've actually followed through with it? Every single one. DON'T F*** WITH ME!

Middle-aged man attacks boy over Call of Duty video game [mirror]

Thanks to stephen and Mycropht, who have never choked anybody for killing them in a video game but have taken out their anger by being rude to neighbors. Oh hi Miss Johnson -- YOU HAG!

Oct 1 2011 Build Your Own Aquarium!: Fish Use Tools

Fish, long thought to make terrible tradesmen (but delicious sticks), can apparently use tools. Rocks are tools, right? "URG!" ...Thanks for your input, Grok, but your dingaling is showing. I'm serious, people are starting to stare. Me? I've been staring the whole time. Scientists have recently discovered that several species of wrass will pick up clams with their mouths and then spit them at rock "anvils" to smash them open and get at all that yummy slime inside. Mmmm, slimy shit. And to think this whole time I've been steaming them to get them to open. Gaaaaaaah, outsmarted by fish again!

Hit the jump for a fish demonstrating his clam-crushing skills.

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Oct 1 2011 The Ol' "Paper Airplane From The Top Of A Building Into A Trash Bin" Trick Shot

This is a video of a couple trio of bros throwing paper airplanes off the roof of a college building. One guy's plane, the 'Odin Raven', manages to make its way into a trashcan in the parking lot below. Sure he didn't mean for that to happen, but it's still kind of impressive to watch. Just not as impressive as watching a paper airplane hotwire a car and crash it into a dining hall.

Hit the jump for the 1 in a 1,000,0000.

Continue Reading " The Ol' "Paper Airplane From The Top Of A Building Into A Trash Bin" Trick Shot "