Sep 30 2011 Geek Logos Made Out Of FOOOOOOOOOD
This is a gallery of geeky logos made out of food. They're called '"foogos", because they're a combination of "food" and "LEGOS". Weird, I know. But I'm not here to ask questions, I'm just here to type the first thing that pops in my head and get drunk. Also, please don't email me telling me foogos is actually a combination of "food" and "logos" because you might laugh now but I swear on eventually seeing a tit IRL I'd get at least two people who just stumbled into Geekologie telling me how dumb I am. And I am dumb, just not that dumb. But, as stupid as I am, I more than make up for it in handsome. And by handsome I mean obesity. Got a whole lot of that going on. Now, what was I talking about? "Food." Ha -- of course I was.
Hit the jump for a dozen more.
Sep 30 2011 That Looks Way Too Much Like A Ball: Peeling A Grape With The Prostate Surgical Robot
This is a video of a surgeon peeling a grape with the Da Vinci surgical robot to raise awareness for prostate cancer and help calm patient's nerves about the precision of the technology. Unfortunately, the doctor actually stabs the grape a couple times, which, while watching the video, I was pretending was one of my balls. That's probably why I passed out. That and the constant snipping sound. That is definitely one sound I definitely don't ever want to hear down there. That and chains rattling.
Hit the jump and try to not think about your balls, I dare you. You will fail.
Sep 30 2011 Get Away From Me: Predator Nail Finger Rings
How do you like your back scratches? If you answered, "until you can see the bones", then these Predator rings by Danielle Nicole Hill may be for you. A set of five will set you back $900, but you can get a single for $200 if you're just going for the cokehead look. *braaap!* Did you hear that? That was Lady Gaga shitting her holographic eagle costume in excited anticipation.
Hit the jump for two more shots and a link to the product site although why I'm even bothering is beyond me.
Continue Reading " Get Away From Me: Predator Nail Finger Rings "
Sep 30 2011 ♫ A Whole New Wooooooooorld ♫: Scientists Develop Real Flying Carpet Out Of Plastic
Because there isn't a pauper-prince alive who hasn't dreamed of taking a princess out for a magic carpet ride with the hope of later rocking her casbah, scientists at Princeton University (my alma mater! Jk jk, I went to Virginia Tech) have successfully developed a thin plastic sheet that can "swim" through the air the way skates and rays swim through the ocean. Me? Not without a shark cage and water wings on!
The 10cm (4in) sheet of smart transparency is driven by "ripple power"; waves of electrical current driving thin pockets of air from front to rear underneath.
The prototype, described in Applied Physics Letters, moves at speeds of about a centimetre per second.Improvements to the design could raise that to as much as a metre per second.
With the current status of the project, it would take a carpet at least 50-meters wide to support a human. That's...a little big. And only strong enough for one person. I'm gonna need to support two people. Plus a tiger.
Hit the jump for a crappy video of Princeton's flying carpet, then one of the fully functional model from Aladdin.
Sep 30 2011 AlphaDog, BigDog's New & Improved Older Brother: Running For The Hills Won't Save You
Remember Boston Dynamics' BigDog? How could you forget, that lifelike f***er was terrifying. He still haunts my dreams at night. AND fantasies. Unthankfully, AlphaDog is now here to take his place. Did I mention he's 10x quieter than his predecessor, can carry 400-lbs over 20-miles without stopping, and can't even be pushed over by two grown-ass men? Because that's all true. Plus -- PLUS -- he can roll himself back on his feet if he does go down. Me? I can't even roll my dimply ass out of bed in the morning. I'm serious, it's still lying there in cookie crumbs.
Hit the jump for a short video demo, but skip to 0:50 for the really good stuff to start (attempted push-over, standing up from lying down).
Sep 30 2011 I'd Rather Be Scrawny: The Free Flexor Picks Up Where Shake Weight Left Off (Near-Blind)
Seen here clearly demonstrating he knows how to cup some damn balls, Skinny McRipped demonstrates an exercise with the Free Flexor, a new piece of questionable exercise equipment consisting of a shaft and two weighted balls that, just like the Shake Weight, eerily simulates the act of masturbating and should never be performed in front of another human being, including yourself in the mirror. Or pets. They will never respect you.
Hit the jump for the you're not fooling anyone commercial.
Sep 30 2011 For The Ladies: Magnetic Fingernail Polish
This is a line of $20 magnetic nail polishes from Nails Inc. Gosh, I feel like such a sassy lil lady even talking nail polish with you girls! Basically it's nail paint with iron powder in it (also great for anemic nail-biters) that a magnet can be used to make designs in while still wet. Sure you could just have a professional paint you some designs (or you could buy crackle polish!), but then what would we do when we're all sitting around in our PJ's talking about boys? OMG girls -- what I wouldn't do to give Magneto a HJ with this polish on, amirite?! Tehehehehehe! *wig falls off, girls screaming* CODE RED, MAGNETO -- RENDEZVOUS AT THE SAFEHOUSE!
Hit the jump for a video demonstration and link to product site.
Continue Reading " For The Ladies: Magnetic Fingernail Polish "
Sep 30 2011 Aww, I Love Ya You Little Freak!: Frank & Louie, The 12-Year Old Two-Faced Cat
This is Frank & Louie (presumably after Frank & Stein), a 12-year old cat born with two faces and mouths, and three eyes. He just made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the longest-lived Janus cat (named after the Roman god of transitions because of the two faces and all). But worry not -- there's no need to shed a trio of tears for the kitty, apparently he's healthy and happy despite the fact his owner takes him for walks on a leash (oh come on -- he's a cat, lady!). Regardless, I think we can all agree that not only did Frank & Louie just win his way into the record books, but our hearts things to think about to subdue an awkward boner as well. Meow!
Hit the jump for a video of two faces I'm not totally convinced yet a mother could love.
Continue Reading " Aww, I Love Ya You Little Freak!: Frank & Louie, The 12-Year Old Two-Faced Cat "
Sep 29 2011 Earthscraper Concept: Opposite Of Skyscraper
Note: Full-res cross-section HERE, a bunch more shots of the interior (including plenty of terrifying glass-bottomed walkways) after the jump.
This is Mexican architecture firm BNKR Arquitectura's concept for a 65-story subterranean "earthscaper" right in the middle of Mexico City. Groundscraper, I would have called it a groundscraper. Also, a terrible place to be during an earthquake or when the mole-people attack. And they will.
Designed to be built smack-dab in the center of Mexico City, BNKR's Earthscraper wouldn't ruin the skyline there...and is designed in such a way that it would incorporate Mexico's history in its design. The top ten floors -- which, here, would be the "bottom" ten -- is a museum and cultural center dedicated to the Aztecs. Below that you've got retail space, then apartments and finally, deep underground, businesses. Because, you know, that's where business do their best work. It all terminates some 300 meters below the surface.
The shape of the building is actually an inverted pyramid with the interior hollowed out and a clear glass plate on top, so natural light can filter down to the areas below. Unfortunately, as much time as I spend in a dark room staring at a computer screen, I still don't want to live underground. I get claustrophobic. Also: really bad gas. I'm talking like, stain the walls green bad. You know what kind of security deposit they'd probably make me pay for an apartment down there? Asstromical.
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more pictures.
Continue Reading " Earthscraper Concept: Opposite Of Skyscraper "
Sep 29 2011 Vader's Imperial March On 3.5" Floppy Drives
Another day, another person playing the Imperial March on pieces of obsolete computer equipment (another 3.5" floppy attempt HERE and a hard drive version HERE). Admittedly, this is probably the best-sounding one to date. My last date? She sounded like a banshee screaming like someone just cut her off. She actually tried ordering dinner at the restaurant when I was in the restroom pleasuring myself to my own reflection and when I came out everybody had turned to stone. You know what I did? I stole all their wallets. That's really the only reason I dated her. That and her apartment had hot water and electricity.
Hit the jump for the short but sweet video.
Continue Reading " Vader's Imperial March On 3.5" Floppy Drives "
Sep 29 2011 DJ Meow Mix: Scratching Turntables For Cats
Convinced your cat is musically inclined? You're f***ing crazy. Regardless, you should still buy it a $23 Cat Scratch Turntable from SUCK UK, if only to provide me with some new Youtube content to watch. OMG, you've got to see this -- this cat thinks it's a DJ! *screaming at computer* Hey -- HEY CAT -- YOU'RE A CAT, BRO, YOU CAN'T MIX MUSIC! I swear, cats can be so stupid. "...You were just trying to talk to one through a Youtube video." I know, because he was being dumb!
Hit the jump for a couple more product shots and a link to the purchase page.
Continue Reading " DJ Meow Mix: Scratching Turntables For Cats "
Sep 29 2011 William Shatner Talks Star Trek Vs. Star Wars In Front Of A Bunch Of Horse Memorabilia
...why is there a tattered horsetail on the wall?
This is a video of William 'Captain James T. Kirk' Shatner weighing in on the "which is better, Star Trek or Star Wars" debate. SPOILER: he basically says that Star Wars is a derivative of the Trek, the only thing Wars did better were the special effects, and THAT IS ALL. But he's also wearing a f***ing Afflicition shirt at 80, so he basically has zero credibility. So, in replacement of his mooted points, allow me to present the definitive argument in the debate: WHO GIVES A SHIT? They're entirely different. Some people like one more, some the other. It's like comparing apples and oranges wieners and woman parts. Just FYI though: Star Wars is totally the wiener. "Soooooooo, you're a huge Star Wars fan." SONOFA! No -- Trek. Gaaaah, I love both!
Hit the jump for the damn bro, stop talking and let me see you rest a beer on that belly. Also, bonus video of the Shat trying to sing Black Sabbath's 'Iron Man' because WTF, seriously.
Sep 29 2011 Daw!: Albino Hummingbird Caught On Camera
Hummingbirds -- easily one of my favorite kind of birds. Right up there with penguins, puffins, flamingos, toucans and owls. And while albino specimens (in this case, a ruby-throated hummer) aren't unheard of, it's rare to see such high quality photos of one taken in the wild (and by a 15-year old!). Speaking of in the wild -- has anybody else ever let the grass in their backyard grow really tall and then crawled around in it naked pretending you're an African tribesman hunting lions? No? Yeah me neither, that would be weird. Borrow your lawnmower?
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more and a link to even more than that.
Continue Reading " Daw!: Albino Hummingbird Caught On Camera "
Sep 29 2011 World Of Warcraft 'Epic Meal Time' Parody
This is a parody of an Epic Meal Time episode in the World of Warcraft. They did a pretty good job. Plus at the end there's a chick with cotton candy hair eating something while making faces. That part was confusing. Actually, it was all confusing. Not gonna lie folks, I'm not very smart. SIKE! I got an 84 on my IQ test -- that's a solid B! *raising the roof* "The test goes to 180 -- that's not very high." Oh man, I was though. I told them my name was Batman and ate two pencil erasers.
Hit the jump for the video.
Continue Reading " World Of Warcraft 'Epic Meal Time' Parody "
Sep 29 2011 3-D Movie Admission To Rise As Big Studios Stop Paying For Your Glasses
Sony, a company best known for the Walkman WHICH THEY'VE FOOLISHLY DISCONTINUED, has decided they're going to stop buying all the 3-D glasses patrons wear when they watch one of their movies and pass the cost along to theaters, who, in turn, are going to pass it right on to moviegoers in the form of higher 3-D ticket prices. Nachos will still be $8, and I'll still be smuggling in my own in a Ziploc hanging from my wiener by fishing line.
Head on over to sister site IWATCHSTUFF for all the 3-D sucks anyways details.
Sep 29 2011 Ooh -- Do Dueling Banjos Next:! iPad Captures Oscillating Guitar Strings From Exterior
Remember that video of the guy who put an iPhone in his guitar and captured the oscillation of the strings on video? I know, I always watch it before bed too. Well now Geekologie Reader Mike Salovish has done the same, except with an iPad and from the outside. The oscillations don't look as extreme as from the inside but it's still a rice crispy treat for the eyes. Speaking of which -- you ever made rice crispy treats with melted Peeps before? It's great throwing them in a hot pot and watching them melt until they're just little beaks and eyeballs. "You're sick." I am -- and I think it's the Black Death. I....ate a corpse.
Hit the jump for the worthwhile video.
Sep 29 2011 We Can't All Be Winners: BuckyCubes Go To...
I know, I said I was going to post the winners over the weekend, but something came up. Namely, everything I ate. There was pizza, noodles -- some shit I don't even remember eating. Now it's Thursday. God, I've had a lot on my plate okay?! THE SIGN SAID ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT. The winners of free BuckyCubes, chosen by random number generator and not favoritism, are:
All me.
HAHA -- I hate you all! Just kidding, only some of you. The winners (and their favorite things about Geekologie) were:
- 2,889 - Stevie "F*** work, i'll spend my time trawling mildly informative geek news"
- 3,183 - Jake "Best thing about geekologie? The sophisticated, highbrow humor that's tucked beneath every morsel of penis joke"
- 105 - Jw "gotta be the awesome commentary"
- 543 - Andy "You GW, it's always been you...."
- 4,027 - Patrick "The NSFW warnings always save me."
- 3,234 - avn "Number."
- 3,096 - Brady "The best part of Geekologie is the precision social commentary."
- 3,973 - miguel R "Winning! duh!"
- 1,339 - ikillnazi "bacon based products"
- 3,123 - Jacqueline "i love your witty commentary"
Thank you all for playing, the odds of winning were around 1 in 430, so it really wasn't bad. Way better than the $5 'Set for Life' lotto scratchers I've been buying. I am like, sooooooooo not set for life right now. Also, thanks for all the kind words. I know they were all lies, but I'm the kind of person who'll actually convince himself you meant them because the bartender said he'd ban me from the bar if I cry to him one more time. That and I'm delusional. Plus -- PLUS -- illusional. See -- it looks like I'm floating, right? I'm not really though, I'm being held up by hidden wires! "Illusional isn't a word." Saw you in half?
Winners -- I'll be emailing you all for your addresses. Theeeeeeeeen show up and try to crash on your couch.
Sep 28 2011 A Close Look At Adidas' Wampa Fur Shoes
These are the Adidas Star Wars Campus Wampa Sneakers, which, for a shoe, is a pretty impressive name. Granted not as impressive as Holey Flipflop Ow Shit I Think I Just Stepped On A Nail, but now I'm going to have to call my mom and see if my tetanus shot is up to date. $150 gets you a pair and they're made with real wampa fur. Except wampas aren't real so they used horse hair instead. Hey -- you know what else would make pretty cool Star Wars shoes? "Jar Jar dicks?" LOLWUT? I said shoes, not a necklace.
Hit the jump for a bunch of close-ups.
Continue Reading " A Close Look At Adidas' Wampa Fur Shoes "
Sep 28 2011 Uh-Oh: Cyborg Brain Parts Implanted In Rats
Mad scientists in Tel Aviv have successfully replaced a rat's cerebellum with an electronic one, effectively moving the Doomsday clock ahead a minute and increasing humanity's already significant fear of rodents. Good one, guys. *crushing computer mouse in desk drawer*
Now Matti ["Frankenstein"] Mintz of Tel Aviv University in Israel and his colleagues have created a synthetic cerebellum which can receive sensory inputs from the brainstem - a region that acts as a conduit for neuronal information from the rest of the body. Their device can interpret these inputs, and send a signal to a different region of the brainstem that prompts motor neurons to execute the appropriate movement.
Such implants could eventually be used to replace areas of brain tissue damaged by stroke and other conditions, or even to enhance healthy brain function and restore learning processes that decline with age.
You know, that really got me thinking. Would you have your brain replaced with a cyborg one if it meant you could feel pleasure 24/7? And, if so, what kind of pleasure would you opt for? Because at first I was thinking I'd want something like 'sex in space' or 'just won the lottery', but now I'm thinking something less extreme. Maybe 'daaaaamn this is some good-ass pie.'
Rat cyborg gets digital cerebellum [newscientist]
and
Picture
Thanks to turtlebone and Christine, who're holding out for the implants that allow you to move things with your mind. Awwwwwh yeah -- I had that plasmid in Bioshock!
Sep 28 2011 Amazon Officially Announces Color Kindle
In a move that should come as no surprise to anyone except the very, very old who still can't believe electric car windows exist, Amazon announced its color-screen Kindle today, the $200 Fi-ya (technically 'Fire', but I like to say it like that). People are speculating how much it's going to affect iPad sales EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE SPECULATING WHERE THEIR NEXT MEAL IS COMING FROM. Priorities, folks, that's the really lesson here. Haha, I'm teaching -- I'm actually doing it! *soaks pants in front of class* FUFUFUFUUUUUUUUUUUUU. Product highlights:
- 7" multi-touch display with IPS (in-plane switching) technology and anti-reflective treatment, 1024 x 600 pixel resolution at 169 ppi, 16 million colors.
- Dual-core processor running Android
- Own Amazon Silk web browser, Flash support
- 14.6 ounces (9/10-lb)
- 8GB internal storage. Enough for 80 apps, plus either 10 movies or 800 songs or 6,000 books.
- Free cloud storage for all Amazon content
- Up to 8 hours battery life of continuous reading or 7.5 hours of video playback
- Wi-Fi only
I've never actually owned a Kindle. I like book-books. Something about the smell and being able to wipe boogers between the pages. Amazon is also releasing a new and improved 6" 'vanilla' Kindle for $79, and two 7" touchscreen versions for $99 and $150 (3G). What they are NOT releasing is the collection of nudie photos I took of myself and tried to sell in their app store for a million dollars. YOU DIRTY COMMIE CENSORS!
Thanks to everyone who sent this for thinking I must live under a rock or something. BURN! No but seriously, keep those tips coming.
Sep 28 2011 HIT ME AGAIN!: Dudes Taking No-Break Water Balloons To The Face In Slow Motion
Flubber!
This is a collection of videos from Youtuber SmarterEveryDay of guys taking under-filled (so they don't break) water balloons to the face, all played in slow motion. The results are unbelievable. The results from my company's random drug test? Very believable (I failed that shit like calculus).
Hit the jump for the very worthwhile videos (including two balloons at once!).
Continue Reading " HIT ME AGAIN!: Dudes Taking No-Break Water Balloons To The Face In Slow Motion "
Sep 28 2011 Faceybooks: Never Not Tracking That Ass
Facebook just got outed for including (non Girl Scout) cookies that have the potential to track a user's movement across the interwebs even when signed out of the site. I...feel violated. Get it? I just sat on a dog toy!
When Australian programmer Nik Cubrilovic first blogged on Sunday about how Facebook logout didn't seem to actually, uh, log out, the company went into damage control mode, insisting that "Facebook does not track users across the web," which was pretty funny given that Facebook has a tracking feature its CEO literally calls "Facebook Across the Web." The company also said, "logged out cookies... are used for safety and protection..."
Except it turns out one cookie wasn't used for "safety and protection," as a Facebook engineer has admitted to Cubrilovic now that the press storm is subsiding. One cookie, "a_user," continued to report your user ID back to Facebook after you logged out, until you shut down your browser entirely. The cookie was only visible to Facebook, but the site could have used it to track your visits to other sites if it wished, since a great many websites feature "Facebook Connect" widgets that load content from facebook.com -- transmitting cookies to Facebook each time they do so.
Oh shishi Facebook, you bein' bad! *calling Zuckerberg* Hey Zuck -- it's me, the Geekologie Writer. THE GEEKOLOGIE WRITER, DAMMIT, DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM! Huh? No Y, it's with an I-E at the end. Listen Zuck, let me cut to the chase -- I'm calling about something really serious today. I need you to float me $10-million.
Why You Never Really Log Out of Facebook [gawker]
Thanks to Joe and JoeLickASac, who, wow, two different Joes on one tip, what the chances of that happening?! "Not small enough to be worth mentioning." Oh.
Sep 28 2011 Super Iffy Thai Breast-Slapping Enlargement
Note: WTF video after the jump.
Seen here pounding out a drum solo on some lady's bongos chest (please, a little maturity), Khunying Tobnom practices the (not so) ancient art of breast enlargement by slapping. What the -- is anybody really buying this?! I heard the secret was getting motorboated by a slovenly blogger.
Khunying has been performing this non-surgical technique for more than 20 years, and her claim is that the slapping shifts body fat from one area to another and the kneading works excess fat towards the breasts. [But what if you knead too much into one and not enough into the other?!]
In 2003, breast slapping was officially approved as a natural alternative to plastic surgery.At least for now, this one beautician is the only person in the world who knows the secrets of breast, face and buttock slapping, which she inherited from her grandmother.
One day when she a teenager, her grandmother saw her applying some miracle cream to her breasts in hopes that they would grow. She told her to stop wasting her time and money and rub them till it hurt. [WTF?!]
She allowed her grandmother to slap her breasts a few times and douse them with ice-water, which resulted in a growth by 4 inches. Eventually, she mastered the techniques on her own.
Not gonna lie, one time I got punched in the forehead and it swelled up too. I know, weird how that works. But then it turned purple-greenish-brown. Not how I like my taytays. Wait, let me rephrase that -- not how I like women's taytays. Mine? I'm kinky as f***, I've even tie-dyed these puppies before.
Hit the jump for a video of Khunying in action and, inevitably, a bunch of dudes in the comments offering their services for free.
Continue Reading " Super Iffy Thai Breast-Slapping Enlargement "
Sep 28 2011 The DEFINITIVE DragonCon Cosplay Video
Remember that real quality cosplay video from DragonCon? Well this is the extended cut from the same videographers. Like, the 23-minute extended cut. There are so many cosplaying characters in this video if you got them all together you could hold a convention, easy.
Hit the jump and watch it now. "I can't, I have work to do!" You hate it, it can wait. If your boss catches you tell him you're boosting morale to improve personal productivity. If he doesn't buy it just say, "I saw you and the secretary", and raise your eyebrows.
Sep 28 2011 Krang Stomach Tattoo: For Constant Cosplay
Nice bib.
Listen -- I love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as much as the next kid who used to swing a curtain rod around like a bo-staff ("Ahahahahahhaha -- you used to play Donatello? WEAAAAAAK!") with the hopes of winning April O'Neil's jumpsuited heart, but WTF bro?! That just looks...like I wish I'd come up with it first. CURSE YOU, EARLY BIRD! I like worms too you know.
Thanks to Keith, who was *this close* to having a turtle shell tattooed on his back before opting for dragon wings. You made the right choice.
Sep 27 2011 World Map Of People Who Google 'Zombies'
Note: Larger version HERE in case you're convinced somebody in Uganda actually gives a shit about Googling "zombies". SPOILER: No. In Kenya, absolutely.
This is a map created by plotting the prevalence of Google interweb searches for the word "zombie" on Google Maps. Unsurprisingly, countries that don't speak English don't have a lot. Same goes for Googling "taytays the size of my head" and "dino love dolls". *whistling*
Using a keyword search for "zombies", the following map visualizes the absolute concentrations of references within the Google Maps database. The map reveals two important spatial patterns. First, much of the world lacks any content mentioning "zombies" whatsoever. Second, and related, the highest concentrations of zombies in the Geoweb are located in the Anglophone world, especially in large cities. The results either provide a rough proxy for the amount of English-language content indexed over our planet, or offer an early warning into the geographies of the impending zombie apocalypse.
Hey, I'm just happy to see they didn't go off the deep end and try to infer the majority of the world doesn't care about the undead, despite the fact the word "zombie" is just a funny sound to them. And speaking of funny sounds: my freshman roommate used to snore every night but they sounded like farts. Plus stunk. "You know GW, sometimes the simplest answer is best." I regret sharing a bed with him, I'll tell you that.
The Zombie map of the world [guardian]
Thanks to Cristian, who doesn't Google anything because he's patiently waiting for AskJeeves to make a comeback. Jeeves! That guy couldn't find a f***ing coat on a coat rack!
Sep 27 2011 'Monkeys Typing Random Letters' Program Has Recreated 99% Of A Shakespeare Poem
Inb4 'that's a chimp not a monkey'.
"Is that you, GW?" Is that me what? "In the picture." GOOD ONE, TURDBUCKET. But yes :/ A computer program designed to emulate the infinite monkey theorem (which states that a monkey typing at random for an infinite amount of time will 'almost surely' type any given text -- link to Wikipedia if not familiar ) has successfully recreated 99% of Shakespeare's 'A Lover's Complaint' (your penis is too damn small!), but mostly by cheating.
The success of this simulator seems to be in the volume and the technique used. Anderson's project puts out random strings of characters, and then searches those characters for strings of nine that match any nine characters in any of Shakespeare's works. When it finds a match, it marks those nine characters of a play 'complete'.
Some say that this isn't random enough, and that the original spirit of the infinite monkeys idea was to have them recreate entire works, pages, or even just lines. Nine characters isn't really random, if they're selected from anywhere and put together deliberately.
Yeaaaaaaah, that's not really the same. You can't really say they wrote a Shakespeare poem when in reality it would read:
qewwr a;sd d;l weweman-tits pwqf/a f;aqweio,
dc,das;da, dpewweopa,c d,pwiener'd pdapd
apdpwedangler ,bnvx vnvdboobswdjewakmc ddfapew
dqewpwqep wbonerz qwpe peq f ald pweru p wfp
pd pf dp afpeoqpqp,fd, fd, fqw epbajina qp fp dpa pd
eqpwr fdvds/fj fqbent-peenwpef asl wpeeipqpe dldadl
Pfft, you might as well have just pulled individual letters and said they typed it. I'm calling the experiment a bust and you a hack, brobro! "Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black." *tearing shirt off* WHAT THE F*** IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!
Virtual "monkeys on typewriters" recreate ninety-nine percent of Shakespeare [io9]
Thanks to Shannon, whose tip read like it was typed by monkeys. Get it? She's a drunk. It's cool, she's a friend.
Sep 27 2011 Limited Edition Metal Gear Solid RISK Game
Risks: we've all taken them. Maybe it going out on a blind date, crossing a street with your eyes closed, or jumping off your parent's roof with a garbage bag parachute. Buuuuuuuuuuut those aren't the kind of risks I came to talk about. This is RISK like, all caps. The game. You just lost it. Enter the limited edition (of 2,014) Metal Gear Solid themed RISK game. It includes added content and new ways to play, none of which involve using Monopoly hotels as super-armies like the way I used to. *flipping board* NUCLEAR STRIKE!
Hit the jump for a couple product close-ups and a link to the pre-order page.
Continue Reading " Limited Edition Metal Gear Solid RISK Game "
Sep 27 2011 REJECTED: Apple's 'Multi-Touch' Trademark
But I wasn't! Multi-Touch™
For the second time, Apple was denied a trademark for the term 'multi-touch' by the US Patent and Trademark Office after the Appeal Board upheld the original rejection. God, move on bro -- she doesn't want you!
For trademarks, "the greater the degree of descriptiveness the term has, the heavier the burden to prove it has attained secondary meaning." The trademark attorney pointed out that the term "multitouch" has taken on generic meaning, being used by a wide variety of publications to describe the touchscreen technology on Android phones, tablets, and notebooks.
Awwww, don't cry Apple. You and I both know you were just being greedy anyways. You know what you need to do? Come up with an ever cooler term to describe your multi-touch and trademark that. Fingergangbang. Also, that wasn't free. Holler at my Paypal, son!
Apple Denied Trademark for Multi-Touch [macrumors]
Thanks to Mitchel and Dan, who both claim they've multi-touched hooters before but I suspect Dan's only brushed up against one with an elbow by accident (it's cool, I know him IRL).
Sep 27 2011 Not A Dude, Promise: Bodypaint Stormtrooper
The stormtrooper you were looking for? "No." Oh. Buy me a pair of furry ears?
Cosplay Corner [geeks.thedailywh.at]
Thanks to Mark, who once bodypainted himself as C-3PO. Soooooooo...that wasn't a loose transistor is what you're telling me.
Sep 27 2011 Norway's New Stealthy Magic Missiles
Inb4 "that looks like a [some animal]'s penis".
This is a video demonstration of Norway's new Naval Strike (Magic) Missile. The shakiness made me kinda woozy, but it's worth checking out if you've got the stomach. Me? I've got that B-U-T-T-Z. *booty poppin'* The video follows a missile from launch as it flies just over the tops of waves, over an island, and finally through a ship. I'm not sure if civilians are going to be allowed to buy them.
The testing for this next-generation anti-ship missile took place off Point Mugu, California in June of this year. According to Konsgberg, the NSM had only 1.5 seconds to acquire and positively ID the ship as its target before striking.
The state-of-the-art missile weighs about 400 kg (880 lb) and has a range of 100 nautical miles, both along the coast and in the open ocean. It uses GPS, inertial and terrain reference systems to maintain its bearings. Being a cruise missile, and the only fifth-generation long range precision strike missile in existence, the NSM is capable of flying over land while avoiding obstacles and skimming just above the surface of the ocean to avoid radar detection. The NSM will also make a random high-G-force maneuver in order to confound enemy countermeasures just before it strikes with a 125 kg multi-purpose blast/fragmentation warhead.
Hello -- Norwegian Navy? This is General Gee Kologie from the US Army's Antirobotics Division. Huh? What do you mean you've never heard of us?! *high-five, hipsters! Jk, jk -- don't touch me* Listen, I need some of these missiles you've got. No? Not buying it? What if I told you I'm in middle school and I need one for a science fair project? Hello? HELLO? They hung up on me! "You were talking into a skillet." I thought it smelled like bacon.
Hit the jump for the video. Hit your cubicle-mate for a fight.
Sep 27 2011 Sunset On Mars: Gumdrops For Your Eyeballs
NOTE: Big-ass version HERE in case you're in the market for a new wallpaper. Me? I'm in the market eating grapes so I don't have to pay for them.
Eye candy -- that's what I was getting at in the title. "Jesus, we're not stupid." Haha! Some of you totally are is the thing. This is a shot taken by the Mars Spirit rover in 2005 of what a sunset looks like on our neighbor to the east west further from the sun. It's been around (like a hussy!), so maybe you've seen it before. That's cool. What's NOT cool is racing to the comments to tell me you've seen it before (other people haven't, God!), it's old, and I suck at my job. That -- that's the kind of talk that hurts a blogger's feelings. Feelings, LOL! I haven't felt anything in years. HAVE AT IT YOU FESTERING CHOADS.
Sunset on Mars [nasa] (with a lil more info)
via
Sunset On Mars [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Tom, who's the real one to blame here. Yeah -- WTF TOM?!
Sep 27 2011 Scientists One Step Closer To AIDS Vaccine
AIDS: like the shitty entertainment center my neighbor set by the road, nobody wants it. But now scientists believe they're one step closer to a vaccine after discovering a method of attacking HIV before it's able to compromise an immune system. Hey, sounds good to me. The sound of myself on voicemail messages? Terrible. Like a witch scraping her nails on a chalkboard to cats dying.
When HIV enters your body, one of the first things that it does is incorporate a special type of cholesterol into its outer membrane. It steals this cholesterol from one of our immune system cells, called a plasmacytoid dendritic cell, or pDC. pDCs are the cells that first recognize the HIV virus, and they're supposed to instruct other parts of our immune system (like T-cells) to go after it, but once HIV has stolen the pDC cholesterol, it can "reprogram" the pDC cells so that they don't do their job, screwing up our entire immune system and allowing the HIV to spread.
A research group at at The Johns Hopkins University has discovered that it's possible to attack HIV before the virus is able to mess with the pDC cells, by simply disrupting its stolen cholesterol membrane. Without this membrane, the virus can't mess up our immune system, and our bodies are then able to attack it like a normal virus, effectively preventing HIV from causing AIDS.
Sounds promising, right? Of course, I still like fighting AIDS the old fashioned way. So I start with a headbutt, right? WA-BAP! Then follow that up with a couple knees to the groin, AWOOGA!, AWOOGA! If that doesn't do the trick I'll either grab a bar stool or break a bottle and start swinging that. Then I wake up and I'm all, "f***, I really gotta stop getting up in the middle of the night and eating tuna."
New technique 'disarms' HIV, could lead to AIDS vaccine [dvice]
Thanks to Cam, who never wears less than two condoms or more than six.
Sep 26 2011 Tension Vs. Gravity: Slo-Motion Stretched Slinky Drop Reveals 'Hovering' Bottom End
This is a video of a stretched-out Slinky being dropped in slow motion. Amazingly, the bottom end remains motionless in the air until the top of the Slinky catches up to it. Physicist Rod Cross (the sweet ol' grandpa looking guy!) explains what's happening and why it appears that way, but I'm still trying to figure out how Slinky traps air spirits in their toys. Also, one time I dropped a Magic 8 Ball and a wizard came out disguised as purple water. Haha, you can't fool me wizard! (I drank him to absorb his powers).
Hit the jump for two videos of the experiment, the second one with a tennis ball attached!
Sep 26 2011 Oh, Real Mature!: Branded Condom Slogans
These are a bunch of brand slogans that, when presented on condom wrappers (not unlike the ones I find all over the sidewalk when I'm walking the dogs) suddenly become double entendres. Magical, I know. Inevitable follow-ups:
- Pork. The Other White Meat. -- National Pork Board
- You're in good hands with Allstate (but why am I wearing a condom?). -- Allstate
- Taking Care of Business. -- Office Depot
- When it absolutely, positively, has to be there overnight (even though you wish you could ask them to leave). -- Fed Ex
- So easy a caveman can do it. (God, and they do too -- probably more than anyone else EXCEPT THEY NEVER WRAP IT UP) -- GEICO
- I'm lovin' it. -- McDonald's
- M'm! M'm! Good! -- Campbell's Soup
- It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken. -- Perdue Farms
- It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. -- Timex
- Home of the Whopper. -- Burger King
- Connecting People. -- Nokia
- Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. -- Almond Joy/Mounds
- Give me a break, give me a break; break me off a piece of that penis -- Kit Kat
I'm just gonna stop there -- nothing else I'll think of is gonna top those last two. Besides, even doing that made me feel kinda dirty -- like one of those people that repeatedly posts #Movietitlesthatsoundlikepornos or #terriblenamesforyourpenis for hours on end on Twitter. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU GOT NO DAMN LIFE, BRO -- go crash a BBQ or something, shit!
New Condoms Tumblr
via
Safe Sex Done Your Way: Wrap Your Dong in BK, XBOX, or KFC Condom? [obviouswinner] (also, "wrap your dong" FTW)
Sep 26 2011 Haute Couture Disney Princess Costumes
Note: I had to cut a couple out to make the picture a decent size, see the whole thing HERE.
These are dress designs by DeviantARTist CdCblanc of Disney princesses (Pocahontas, Tinker Bell, Kida, Mulan, Ariel, Rapunzel and Jasmine) modeling couture designs based on their actual costumes (link is super-sexy if you're into cartoons). I never realized Tink's wink was so bad aside, they're all pretty good from a design standpoint (and if there's one thing I know, it's women's fashion). I just don't understand why designers always draw models to be 10-foot, 80 pound waifs. What's up with that? I mean, come on, Barbie doesn't even have those proportions. I want to see that shit modeled on a potato, dammit. I wanna know what I'm gonna look like in it!
CdCblanc's DeviantART
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Disney Princess Haute Couture [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Julie, who agrees a plus-sized Ursula in the mix wouldn't have hurt.
Sep 26 2011 Of Course He Is: Guy Playing Star Wars Theme On Bagpipes Riding A Unicycle
But if that's the passenger's hand with that camera, then...
Sorry kids, but if you were hoping to be the first one to blow part of the Star Wars theme on the bagpipes while riding a unicycle in a kilt, you might as well tell your mommy to cancel the rest of your music lessons (and bring me another juice box) -- this guy beat you to it. Bonus 'holy shit I thought he was going to eat that brick wall!' at 0:09.
Hit the jump for the 'there's nothing more moving than Amazing Grace on the bagpipes'.
Continue Reading " Of Course He Is: Guy Playing Star Wars Theme On Bagpipes Riding A Unicycle "
Sep 26 2011 Zombie Slayin': Dead Island In Real Life Short
Live action, dead island.
Because seeing make believe things imagined in real life is the new reality, here's a video of zombie-apocalypse game Dead Island being played with real-ass people. Admittedly, I haven't gotten around to Dead Island yet because I have like 60,000 other games I need to catch up on (literally, I counted), but it looks alright. This video could definitely use more brutal zombie beheading and less standing around drinking energy drinks though. Is that what the actual game is like? Because I might take it off my "to play" list entirely if it is. Kidding, I played Cookin' Mama for God's sake! F***ing love that game.
Hit the jump for the video.
Continue Reading " Zombie Slayin': Dead Island In Real Life Short "
Sep 26 2011 Oh Hai!: Snappy, The Bright Orange Crocodile
Listen bro: I hate to be the one to tell you but you look ridiculous.
This is Snappy. Snappy is an 8-foot 2-inch crocodile living at the Roaming Reptiles Animal Park in Australia. Did I mention he turned orange? Because he turned orange. Like a creamsicle, but with less cream in the middle and more partially digested swamp rat.
"Snappy's pretty territorial and he attacked the filter one day, and a few weeks after that, I noticed he was orange," said owner Tracey Sandstrom in an interview with the Herald Sun.
"Our guess is that it is something in the water such as iron or tannins from leaves or some red algae, that oxidises when it dries," Webb said.Snappy is expected to go back to his normal color eventually.
AHAHAHAHHAH @ "pretty territorial and attacked the filter one day". What the -- you think you can just sit there IN MY PEN and clean the water all day?! Oh helllllllllllllll no, NOM NOM NOM! That's uh, that's some serious territoriality right there. *bodyslamming couch cushions* Don't you watch my TV!
Crocodile Turns Bright Orange [discovery]
Thanks to Alli, who agrees somebody's been feeding that f***er too many carrots.
Sep 26 2011 TONS Of Characters Drawn With Table Salt
These are a bunch of videos of sodium superfan Bashir Sultani 'drawing' a bunch of different video game/pop culture characters with table salt. I'm just gonna go ahead and assume Bashir's blood pressure is off the charts. As you can see, Link is looking pretty damn good and throwing a kind of 'come hither' glance over his shoulder like you'd expect a suave-ass stud like Link to be. The Vade? Ice cold killa. Mario? Mario looks like he just saw Bowser's balls hanging out the bottom of his turtle shell. And can you blame him? I heard they're spiked like the blue shells in Mario Kart.
Hit the jump for the videos (including Master Chief, Spongebob, an iPhone, Darth Vader, Optimus Prime, Nyan Cat, Homer, Harry Potter, The Joker, Einstein, Marcus Fenix (Gears of War), Ezio Auditore da Firenze (Assassin's Creed), Angry Birds and Pikachu), all of which end with Bashir messing them all up (that was the best part).
Continue Reading " TONS Of Characters Drawn With Table Salt "
Sep 26 2011 Real Life Smurf Creepier Than Anticipated
Note: Slightly larger version HERE, but it's a Smurf -- they're supposed to be small!
Ever wondered what a Smurf might look like in real life? Well fear not you f***ing lunatic, because artist Nate Hallinan is on the job. Per 'damn Nate gave this a lot of thought':
The Smurf is actually the result of a symbiotic relationship between two organisms. We believe that Smurfs put their 'embryos' in the button of a developing mushroom. From a distance, Smurfs seem like they are wearing a hat and pants but as you can see this is a fallacy. The fungus provides camouflage and protective epidermal layers for the creature, while the creature provides nutrients and mobility for the spreading of spores.
Smurfs are believed to be a hunter gatherer society. As you can see, this little guy is returning from a successful venture. It is generally difficult to spot a Smurf; they are very apprehensive and cunning. Sadly though, it is rumored that they are hunted for their medicinal properties. It's hard to determine but it is thought that there are not many colonies of Smurf left.
Now I'm not saying this is the proof I've been looking for that Master Splinter infiltrated Smurfville and banged Smurfette, but I didn't just write an exposé for National Geographic called 'Master Smurfer: Ninja Lovechild' for no reason, now did I? I did not. I'm honing my erotic fan fiction.
Thanks to Patrick, who told me on the school bus if you lick a Smurf you get high. And that, my friends, is how I got my tongue bitten by a rat he'd spraypainted blue.
Sep 23 2011 Chinese Farmer Builds Own Hovering UFO
Granted it can only hover at 3-feet, but that's a lot higher than your UFO. "I don't have a UFO." You ignorance pains me, you know that? But Shu Mansheng here? He's smart. So smart he built an 18-foot UFO (NOT roflcopter) out of $3,000 in parts (including eight motorcycle engines). It's Shu's third prototype and can hover 3-feet off the ground for a solid 10-seconds. Not sure how you can use that to fake an alien invasion, but who knows, maybe he's gonna hang it in a tree or something.
Chinese man builds flying wheel with eight motorcycle motors [dvice]
Thanks to Martin, who claims he tried building a jetpack but ended up burning his garage to the ground. Martin? That was a meth lab and we all know it.
Sep 23 2011 Star Wars Blu-Ray Trilogy Breaks Records With $84 Million In Sales The First Week
And $0 of that was mine. You hear me, Jorge?! ZERO!
Because people will bitch nonstop but still do what they claim they hate, over a million Star Whores ran out and bought (read: ordered online) the Star Was original trilogy Blu-Ray set this week, breaking the record for sales in Blu-Ray format. Me? I still have that shit on LaserDisk. F*** you, George!
Read more over at Geekologie's sister site (no you can't bang her!), IWATCHSTUFF.
Sep 23 2011 Draw Your Own Browser Stickman Animation
This is a screenshot of the totally dope-looking stickman I drew at drawastickman.com. You just go to the site, draw a stickman, then they animate him (F***ING TERRIBLY) and tell you to draw other things (i.e. a key, sword) to help him solve puzzles. Truthfully, I'm making it sound a lot cooler than it really is. BY FAR. But after the key part I learned it was actually kind of fun if you only draw penises no matter what they ask for. Then -- then it got good. My peener hatched a dragon and I had to fight it with a wiener-sword!
Drawastickman.com (I hate myself, I really do)
Thanks to Kid Gorgeous, who is like, really damn good looking for a kid (no pedo).
Sep 23 2011 I Drink Your Character, I Drink It Up!: 'The Guild' Web Series Now A Limited Edition Soda
Popular web-comedy series 'The Guild' featured a cameo appearance by Jones Soda in recently aired season 5 episode 5, and in return the pop-brewer has made the cast into limited edition sodas. HOLY F*** WHERE'D YOU GET THE SPELL?! Also, watching shows online? Please, that'll never catch on! "Um, GW?" Not now, my VHS rewinder is jammed.
Who is your inner gamer most like?
The strong Warrior skills of Vork Green Apple Soda....the sexy Priestess charm of Codex Strawberry Lime...the blade slingin' Rogue skills of Bladezz Cola...the Mage like insight of Clara Berry Lemonade...the Long Rage wit of Tinkerballa Grape....or the Warlock magic of Zaboo Blue Bubblegum.
I dunno, my gamer is more like A LEVEL 80 EATER WITH CHIP-CRUMBS IN HIS BELLY BUTTON. Kidding, but I do keep a roll of quarters in there for emergencies. Snacking ones. OMG -- a vending machine with cream cheese danishes!!
Jones Soda Product Site ($13 for the 6-pack)
via
The Guild: The Soda [toplessrobot]
Thanks to Karey, who once chugged five 4 Locos and when she finally came to, her guild had banned her for killing them all during a raid.
Sep 23 2011 The Best Knock-Off Gaming System To Date
Not date like, 'take it out for dinner and a movie and hope to see its privates after', date like, 'to this point in time'. The Battman: a cross between a superhero, an original XBox, some Playstation 1 controllers, a realistic looking handgun and like eight giant piles of shit. 10 to 1 my grandma gets me one for Christmas.
Greatest Bootleg Gaming Console Of All Time [albotas]
Thanks to Bry, who tried to trade one into Gamestop for store credit but they wouldn't take it. OMG -- I would have driven my car through the storefront. THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!
Sep 23 2011 Rapture You Are Not: Utopia, The Floating Mini-City Yacht Concept
This is Utopia, a floating mini-city yacht concept (but not the first) from Yacht Island Design, the same firm that brought us the make-believe Tropical Island Paradise yacht. Except this one...LOOKS LIKE IT WAS STOLEN STRAIGHT OUT OF A JAMES BOND MOVIE!:
It's Karl Stromberg's water-fort from The Spy Who Loved Me! Haha, and you thought I wouldn't notice! Oh I noticed. Oh man, remember the part when Jaws fell in the shark tank and then bit that f***ing shark and killed it?! Yeah? I've done that before. "No, you just swallowed a live goldfish." YOU SHUT UP, YOU WEREN'T THERE!
Hit the jump for several more renderings of the will never happen.
Continue Reading " Rapture You Are Not: Utopia, The Floating Mini-City Yacht Concept "
Sep 23 2011 Magic Machine Creates Cocktails From Typing
This is a homemade bartending machine that creates cocktails simply by typing. Every letter corresponds to a different flavor, and, by typing a word, you create a drink that, most likely, will taste like shit. But who cares -- it's f***ing booze! *pounding keyboard* SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALCOHOLPOISONINGHEREICOME! Haha -- my cup runneth over! *slurping off table*
Hit the jump for a time-lapse of the build and a video of the machine mixing in action. It even displays the letter you just pushed as the booze makes its way into your drink! (See 'W', above)
Continue Reading " Magic Machine Creates Cocktails From Typing "
Sep 23 2011 Scientists: Now With More Ability To Make Movies From What Your Brain Is Thinking
Mad scientists at the University of California Berkeley are now able to create videos of what your brain "sees" after watching a video IRL using a bunch of complicated-ass computer models. Plus -- PLUS -- videos of Steve Martin with a mustache. Because what would science be without Steve Martin videos? I dunno, but if you think I'm wearing pants under this labcoat you're dead wrong.
Researchers at UC Berkeley used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) and some seriously complex computational models to figure out what images our minds create when presented with movie and TV clips. So far, the process is only able to reconstruct the neural equivalents of things people have already seen, but eventually it might be possible to construct the images people see in dreams and memories.
The researchers developed this technique by showing study participants a series of black-and-white photographs while imaging their minds. By comparing the photographs with the scans, they were able to engineer a way to recognize any image from how the brain responded. With that basic principle in place, it was then only a question of building up a sufficiently complex computer model to decode moving, color images like those in the video above.
That's actually pretty wild. There's a video of several examples (including the ones I screencapped in the picture!) after the jump, and I'll be the first to admit I'm glad I wasn't involved in the study. Everything my brain sees looks like privates. You think I can't turn a car into a boob? Please. *licking grill* The grill is the nipple, see?! Mmmm, dragonflies.
Hit the jump for the demo.
Sep 22 2011 Scientists Claim They've Detected Neutrinos Traveling Faster Than The Speed Of Light
Something traveling faster than light itself?! Einstein is spinning in his grave! Jk jk, he was cremated and his ashes scattered. But scientists at CERN (as in, I'm conCERNed about the wack-ass experiments you're always conducting!) claim they've detected subatomic neutrinos traveling faster than the speed of light's 299,792,458 meters/second. LIES!
Neutrinos sent through the ground from Cern toward the Gran Sasso laboratory 732km away seemed to show up a tiny fraction of a second early.
The result - which threatens to upend a century of physics - will be put online for scrutiny by other scientists."We tried to find all possible explanations for this," said report author Antonio Ereditato of the Opera collaboration.
"We wanted to find a mistake - trivial mistakes, more complicated mistakes, or nasty effects - and we didn't," he told BBC News.
Pfft, let me take a look at these so-called "results". *examining* HA -- right here, Antonio -- you forgot to carry the 3! I swear, scientists these days.
Speed-of-light experiments give baffling result at Cern [bbcnews]
Thanks to joshua m., regular Josh, Rob, jordan (that's three J tipsters!) and Candice, who are all smart enough to know the only thing that could possibly be faster than light is darkness. Know what I'm sayin'? I'm sayin' nighttime is the righttime.
Sep 22 2011 Haha, Take That You Stupid Little Robot!!
Robots: they're greedy. You give them two feet and they try to take a yard. Then? Then they take the beating of a lifetime. *ties electric cord to ceiling fan, watches robot get beat against walls until pieces start coming off* Now THIS -- this is real entertainment. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit, I probably could've charged myself admission.
And thus, the robot revolution was thwarted [iheartchaos]
Thanks to Nicholas, who might not be the real Santa considering I've emailed him my Christmas list the past four years and never gotten shit.
Sep 22 2011 Awesome DragonCon Cosplay Roundup Video
Sorry for the slow posting today folks, I'm in the middle of a doctor's appointment extravaganza and currently in the basement of a top secret government medical testing facility and can only connect to a Wi-Fi signal if I'm standing on back of a commode holding my laptop over my head. I'm pretty sure the guy in the stall next to me thinks I'm trying to webcam his deuce-dropping action. Which, for the record, I am not. Well, not anymore anyways. That thing sounded brute! This is a well-shot video roundup of the cosplayers of Dragon-Con. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find an unattended x-ray machine and blast myself to superhero status.
Hit the jump for the worthwhile video.
Continue Reading " Awesome DragonCon Cosplay Roundup Video "
Sep 22 2011 Doctors Classify Bread Clips In Hopes Of Developing A More Safely Digestible One
This is a classification of bread clips because doctors contributing to the British Medical Journal want to create a "gastrointestinally safer" version by pointing out all the dangers the ones currently in use. Alternatively, LEARN HOW TO MAKE A F***ING SANDWICH WITHOUT EATING THE BREAD CLIP.
Hit the jump for a close-up of the anatomy of a bread clip and a phylogenetic tree (yes, seriously).
Sep 22 2011 Darth Bater, A Darth Vader/Batman Mashup
I'm not going to name any names (because I have no clue) but SOMEBODY made a costume combining all the evil of Darth Vader with all the do-gooder of Batman. THIS IS THAT COSTUME! I know I might seem like the kind of person that would talk about something really cool and then not show it to you -- and you're 100% correct about that, but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. No, no I'm not. But I am trying to turn over this dead body with a stick. *squealing* OMG, OMG -- it looks like beavers chewed the face off!
UPDATE: Suit was made by Malmey Studios. Under construction website HERE and Facebook page HERE with a bunch more pics.
Darthman: Batman Darth Vader Mashup Cosplay [obviouswinner]
Sep 22 2011 P0rn Stars Opening Adult Content Gaming Site
Sexy finger-biting: you give it a bad name.
In between getting boned or whatever scenes, p0rn stars Alana Evans and Misti Dawn are apparently hard core gamers. So what are they doing? Opening a website that combines video game reviews, playthroughs and a bunch of other garbo, but with toplessness. Now listen: I love man as much as the next boobs, but this shit sounds lame. "Um...GW?" I MEANT WHAT I SAID.
Evans came up with the initial idea to combine pornography and game coverage, and invited Dawn to the project straight away. "Misti is probably the most dedicated gamer girl I know, so she was the obvious choice as my partner," said Evans. The launch date - September 20 - is also no accident: Evans chose the site's launch date to coincide with the release of Gears of War 3. "I am a huge Gears of War fan," Evans explained.
Gamers will be able to watch and communicate with Evans and Dawn in real-time via Xbox Live and PlayStation Network
Call me oldschool, but I like to keep my video games and p0rn separate, you know? It's like, until we have lifelike virtual reality sex games, why blur the line? "Pfft, what's the worst that could happen?" HA -- obviously you've never come home to a roommate masturbating to Resident Evil before. *ahem* Derek!
NSFW NSFW PwnedByGirls Official Site NSFW NSFW
via
Porn Stars Start Topless Gaming Site [escapistmagazine]
Thanks to Grant, who agrees the Leisure Suit Larry franchise was the perfect blend of video games and sex.
Sep 22 2011 I Felt It Kick!: Mommy Tummy, The Most Realistic Pregnancy Simulater To Date
This is a vest and computer program called Mommy Tummy, a pregnancy simulator for men that cuts the the entire 'growing a baby' process down from nine months to two minutes. That...sounds like a minute and fifty seconds too long.
Developed by the Kanagawa Institute of Technology, the Mommy Tummy is a pregnancy simulator that goes beyond merely simulating baby weight, it actually allows the father to feel the baby kicking, rolling around in the womb, and gradually increases the size of the stomach and breast regions over time to mimic the body changes experienced over a nine month period.
There's a video explanation of how the system works after the jump, but I got morning sickness (then poured a jar of pickle juice over a bowl of Rocky Road ice cream!) just thinking about being pregnant. But apparently some guys just have to know what it feels like. And those men? Male chauvinists. GOD, AT LEAST LET THEM HAVE PREGNANCY!
Hit the jump for the freaky-deaky.
Continue Reading " I Felt It Kick!: Mommy Tummy, The Most Realistic Pregnancy Simulater To Date "
Sep 22 2011 ENTER TO WIN!!: Free Buckycube Giveaway
LAST CHANCE TO ENTER, CONTEST ENDS FRIDAY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT PACIFIC.
Alright folks, it's that time -- I've got 10 (TEN!) sets of Buckycubes to give away. All you have to do is leave a comment in the comments mentioning your favorite thing about Geekologie (or your balls, I really don't care -- but all FIRSTS will be disqualified) and include a valid email address (in the email address box, NOT IN THE COMMENT ITSELF, NOOBS). One entry per email address, and I will search them if you win to make sure you're not a low-down dirty cheater. The contest ends Friday, September 23rd at midnight Pacific and I'll announce the winners (via random number generator) over the weekend. With 10 sets to give away, this is your best chance to win something to date, with even better odds THAN GETTING HIT WITH A PIECE OF SATELLITE! But, for those of you whose glasses are perpetually half-empty and already know you're not going to win, using coupon code 'GEEKOLOGIE' at checkout will score 10% off a set for the first 100 people. So, yeah. Good luck and Godspeed you f***ing magnet fearing Juggalos.
Sep 21 2011 1996 Best Buy Ad: We've Come So, SO Far
Apple Computers: grossly overpriced since at least 1996.
This is Best Buy ad from 1996 (the year some of you were born but the year I lost my virginity. JK JK MOM -- I'VE STILL GOT IT). Because it would take me forever to resize the pieces into something decent because of the resolution, you can see the weekly ad in its entirety HERE (not hosted on Geekologie). Some highlights:
- Warcraft II $20
- A CELLULAR FLIP PHONE
- 4, 8 and 16MB Memory upgrades: $30, $60 and $130
- 2.5 GB Hard Drive: $300
- 3.1 GB Hard Drive $400
Damn, we've come pretty far in the past 15 years, haven't we? "Well I certainly have, I don't know about you, GW." WHAT THE F*** IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! "You know, like your mental development." Oh right, THAT. *trying unsuccessfully to flick booger off finger*
A Best Buy Flyer From '96 [consumerist]
Thanks to MIRV, Geek Squid (I see what you did there!) and Dan, who don't shop at Best Buy because they're convinced those sensors that go off if you try walking out the door with something you haven't pay for give you ball cancer.
Sep 21 2011 Back To The Future Skateboard Scene Audio Replaced By One-Man Multitrack Acapella
Remember the iconic skateboard scene from the original Back to the Future? Don't lie, I know you do! Also, keep a stash of cookies next to the bed. Go on, admit it. "I do." Don't worry, that'll be our little secret. Hey -- HEY EVERYBODY: THIS GUY KEEPS A BOX OF COOKIES NEXT TO THE BED AND SLEEPS IN CRUMBS AND CHOCOLATE CHIPS! I...am a truly terrible person. This is a video of the skateboard scene from BTTF with all the dialogue and music replaced with one guy making it all with his mouth. And speaking of making things with your mouth...*concentrating* Well?! "A mime blowing the invisible man?" No dummy, it was just an O!
Hit the jump for the video.
Sep 21 2011 Nerds Vs. Geeks, Some Kinda Iffy Infographic
Nerds vs Geeks poster: "Nerds are into Star Trek, geeks are into Star Wars!"
Anybody who sees it: "WTF?! Whoever made this doesn't know shit about shit."
Geeks vs. Nerds: The Anatomy [bitrebels]
Thanks to Shannon, who agrees not knowing anything about anything has never stopped somebody from pretending to be an expert on the subject anyway. I know, I'm living proof.
Sep 21 2011 It Was Worth It!: Twenty Years Of Service To Nintendo Gets You A Sweet Gold Mario Statue
20 years of devoted (no cheating with SEGA!) service to Nintendo and you get one of these sweet-ass Mario statues. 20 years of blogging? Liver failure and a string of failed relationships. I know, it sounds like a fairy tale.
Work at Nintendo for 20 Years and You Get More Than a Gold Watch [kotaku]
Thanks to marley and Dweez, who haven't even been able to work for a company for two years without fantasizing about burning the building to the ground and playing in the ashes. Um, guys? That's normal.
Sep 21 2011 Over My Dead Body: Robot Child Nominated To Carry The Olympic Torch In 2012 Games
NOTE: No, I didn't paint the eyebrows and mouth on in Photoshop, the creepy little f***er actually looks like that.
Aberystwyth University (which, based on the name, probably teaches witchcraft) computer science professor James Law (hey -- you're not above it, bro!) has nominated iCub, the creepy robotic child, to be one of the torchbearers in the 2012 Olympic Games in London. *dousing iCub in gasoline and kicking down a hill* Per weak-ass justification:
Law has suggested that the iCub robot, which is designed to learn from the world like a human toddler, should be given a chance to take part in the event as a tribute to legendary computer scientist Alan Turing. "2012 will mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of Alan Turing, the founder of computer science and a figurehead for the code breaking efforts of WWII," he said. "A robot torch bearer would be a fitting tribute to Alan Turing, and an inspiration to future generations of scientists and engineers."
Right, because what better way to celebrate physical human achievement than letting a robot participate? THAT MAKES ZERO F***ING SENSE. Listen -- I'm all for celebrating Alan Turing, but the Olympics ARE NOT THE PLACE. No, the Olympics are a place for betting on sporting events you only get the opportunity to once every four years. You know, traditions and shit.
Robot nominated to carry Olympic flame [newscientist]
Thanks to Kane, who gets accosted in the street a lot and accused of killing Abel. No not Cain dammit -- Kane, K-A-N-E.
Sep 21 2011 Way Too Meta For Me: A Scrap Metal WALL-E
This is a life-size WALL-E model made entirely out of scrap metal. If we were in a fight, I would definitely be going for that Adam's apple. Oooooooor in the opposite direction as fast as I can (I'm a sissy-boy). SCRAP-E here is for sale if you're interested (I know you're not -- it's cool) for $2,800. No word if he's dumb enough to fall in love with the trashcan I drew googly eyes on, but you better believe I plan on dangling it over a volcano with fishing line to try to lure him in. THE ONE RING MUST BE DESTROYED.
Hit the jump for a head-on shot that may or may yes have the ability to steal your soul.
Continue Reading " Way Too Meta For Me: A Scrap Metal WALL-E "
Sep 21 2011 Facebook Hosts 4% Of All Photos Ever Taken
Facebook, the social networking giant best known for consistently making its site shittier and more confusing to use, is now home to 140-billion photos, 4% of all photos ever taken. AND WITH ANOTHER 70-BILLION TO BE ADDED THIS YEAR ALONE. I...find that kind of depressing. Like seeing a dead bird on the way to work. Facebook easily dwarfs all other picture-hosting sites, and contains more than 10,000-times the photos in the Library of Congress. Granted most Facebook photos are garbage that nobody wants to see and shouldn't be remembered anyway, but that's not my point. My point is this: Myspace. I just uploaded like 400 peener pics to my old profile. COME ON TOM, WE GOT THIS!
How many photos have ever been taken? [1000memories] (with a ton more info on the history and number of photographs taken to date, etc.)
via
Facebook's Huge Trove Of Photos In Context [businessinsider]
Thanks to Stephanie, who agrees in five years there won't even be a Facebook anymore. Buttbook, absolutely. OMG -- Booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere!
Sep 21 2011 Check The Expiration Date On Those Beats!: Girl Raps About Star Wars Blu-Ray Changes
Those beats: not so fresh.
NOTE: Click HERE for an infographic timeline outlining all the changes George has made to the series to date.
This is a Star Wars fangirl rapping about the changes George Lucas has made to the original trilogy for its Blu-Ray release. Now, before you all start foaming at the piehole and claiming this Jennifer Landa character isn't a real fangirl and is just trying to Olivia Munn her way to fame and fortune, well, she did dress up in this Death Star dress for Comic-Con, so that's got to mean something. "THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHIT!" You're right, I got nothing. If you jumped off a bridge I would totally jump too. Kidding, I'm so desperate for friends if you even said you were going to jump off a bridge I could easily be convinced to go first.
Hit the jump for the earbleeding.
Sep 20 2011 Clear Preserved Animals: What In The...?
You ever wanted to see what a clear turtle looks like? Just ask Giotto, the fifth ninja turtle. "There aren't five!" Yes huh, you just can't see him. While the other four were rolling around in the ooze, he was actually drinking that shit. Now he's invisible and has even seen April O'Neil shower IN TEH NUDE. These are a bunch of animal specimens preserved by Iori Tomita. Oh, but first he makes them clear and dyes their bones and cartridge so they almost look like x-rays. Speaking of which...*dons x-ray specs* HA -- nice out-of-season novelty Easter boxers, bro. IT'S SEPTEMBER.
Originally, the method of making transparent specimens enzymatically turning the protein transparent, dyeing the bones magenta and dyeing the cartilages blue was established for scientific purposes to study the skeletal system. Taking this a step further to refine the form and coloration of the specimens requires time and experience. I create transparent specimens as pieces of work that help people feel closer to the wonders of life. People may look at my specimens as an academic material, a piece of art, or even an entrance to philosophy. There is no limitation to how you interpret their meaning. I hope you will find my work as a "lens" to project a new image, a new world that you've never seen before.
WTF is an "entrance to philosphy" (besides not this) aside, if you live in Japan you can actually buy some of Iori's smaller specimens (fish, shrimp and squid) at a couple stores, but the larger ones (lizards, birds, turtles) are only available at his exhibitions. Plus expensive. Not that you need one anyways because it would just 1. gather dust or 2. get eaten when you're drunk. Just sayin, I had a college roommate with one of those baby sharks in a jar he got at the beach. That thing tasted like shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Hit the jump for a ton more pictures to round out the anatomy lesson.
Continue Reading " Clear Preserved Animals: What In The...? "
Sep 20 2011 Avatar Attractions Coming To Disney Parks
Because people are literally full of bad ideas (& partially digested food), Disney and Kirk James Cameron's production company have penned a deal (possibly in blue CGI blood) to bring Avatar themed attractions to Disney Parks, starting with the Disney's Animal Kingdom. It...will probably suck.
James and his producing partner Jon Landau and their team at Lightstorm Entertainment will serve as creative consultants on the project and will work side-by-side with our Walt Disney Imagineers as we dream up experiences that will take our guests deep into worlds of AVATAR like never before. There are also two sequels to the record setting first film in the works, which will offer more fascinating stories, characters and locations to explore in the AVATAR universe. Disney's Animal Kingdom at Walt Disney World Resort is planned as the site of the first AVATAR-themed land with construction expected to begin by 2013.
We believe Disney's Animal Kingdom is a great fit for this project because it was created to give guests the opportunity to experience the worlds of animals and nature - real and mythical - in new ways. Disney's Animal Kingdom also celebrates adventure, living in harmony with nature and environmental stewardship - themes that are deeply rooted in the story of AVATAR.
I've never been to Disney's Animal Kingdom before but I think there's like a safari or something involved, so if we're lucky we might be able to take pot-shots from a Jeep at people dressed in blue tights. Now THAT -- that would almost justify the f***ing $85 admission.
AVATAR Coming To Disney Parks [disneyparks]
Thanks to Khiemosabi, who was disappointed to find out the unicorn at Disney's Animal Kingdom was just a white horse with a chair leg glued to its head.
Sep 20 2011 Cool Story Bro: Dude Gives Interview Of Life
Reality hits you hard, bro.
This is a video of a guy who knows how to give a f***ing interview. He was in a car accident (everybody's okay) that caused a telephone pole and power lines to come crashing down, which ended up shocking his car. I think the electricity may have had some lasting effects. I'm talking superpowers, folks. Super STORYTELLING powers. He may not foil any murders, but my God can he put my ass to sleep with a bedtime story.
Hit the jump for the video. Oh, and try to ignore the newscasters -- they're cheeseweasels.
Continue Reading " Cool Story Bro: Dude Gives Interview Of Life "
Sep 20 2011 Faces Change, Wood Paneling? Not So Much: Web's Most Iconic Computer Nerd Grown Up
I can't tell you how many hours I've spent looking at that top picture thinking to myself, "oh man, at least I'm not THAT guy." Little did I know. You see, a little piece of Uberdork McNewportsmoker lives inside each and every one of us. I'm just praying I didn't get part of his penis. "You totally did though." *reexamining chest x-ray* THE DOCTOR SAID IT COULD BE A FINGER.
Before and After of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]
Thanks again to Mark, who, for two tips in one day, clearly doesn't do any actual work and should probably be fired.
Sep 20 2011 Superhero Embryos: Would NOT Want To Birth
If there's one thing I don't want to give birth to it's a giant spider. If there's two it's a giant spider and a superhero. No thank you amirite?! Ain't no "strength of 100-men" baby tearing out of this vagina like there's a bank robbery in progress. Unless I was so hopped up on meds I thought it was all a hallucination and I could later exploit my little freak for financial gain, in which case, yes, I would do that. This is a series of superhero embryos by an unknown artist on display at the HEY! art show in Paris. They...are wearing costumes. A little unorthodox for an embryo, I know, but I was born with a spacesuit on so I guess anything is possible. EXCEPT perpetual motion. That shit's a no-go.
Hit the jump for six more superbabies.
Continue Reading " Superhero Embryos: Would NOT Want To Birth "
Sep 20 2011 Different Strokes (Read: Paddles) For Different Folks: The Hammock Pontoon Boat
This is a boat made out of a freestanding hammock. Why you'd want to do that is beyond me, but I also used to have a friend that would microwave beer because he liked it warm, so I've basically stopped asking questions. Still, if Rambo there in the pic is any indication of how much fun there is to be had with a hammock boat, these things might just be the new rocketpack.
Hammock Boat [neatorama]
Thanks to Duncan, who used to have a rocking chair boat but rocked his ass right into the water and got attacked by an alligator. Now he plays Captain Hook at Disney World.
Sep 20 2011 OMG, This'll Be Great For Chat Roulette!: Real-Time Face Tracking & Substitution
This is a video of a program that provides real-time facial tracking and replacement with any other face you want without having to cut it off the person like in the old days. I don't think the technology is that crazy though because even my videochat program can give me a tophat and monocle when I'm on a conference call, but it was interesting to see how all the different faces worked out. Some...were not so hot. Obviously, it still needs some tweaking. Like my nips. Well? GO ON!
Hit the jump for a video of dude trying on a bunch of different faces.
Sep 20 2011 Iffy: Two "Zombie" Skeletons Dug Up In Ireland
Two men's skeletons, originally buried around 700AD, were uncovered that had big-ass rocks jammed in their mouths, a practice that was later reserved for vampires. But, since vampire folklore wasn't prevalent in the area until the 1500's, archaeologists now believe it was a zombie scare. Gee -- great deduction, guys. *MASSIVE F***ING EYEROLL*
One of the men was between 40 and 60 years old, and the other was a young adult, probably between 20 and 30 years old. The two men were laid side by side [although buried at different times] and each had a baseball-sized rock shoved in his mouth.
"In this case, the stones in the mouth might have acted as a barrier to stop revenants from coming back from their graves," Read told Discovery News.
Right, zombies. Listen, 'archaeologists' -- are you familiar with the phrase, "the simplest answer is often best?" These two were chatterboxes. Obviously you've never lived with a roommate that doesn't know when to shut their pie-hole. I actually tried making one eat a gym sock before. He did too. Plus my shoelaces. :/
Did Zombies Roam Medieval Ireland? [discovery]
via
Zombie Remains of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]
Thanks to Mike, who wants to be buried with a pie in his mouth. SAME.
Sep 19 2011 Gamers, Now With More Helping Cure AIDS
Computer gamers have scored a decisive victory in the fight against AIDS after successfully unraveling the structure of a protein that helps viruses like HIV multiply using a competition-based game called Foldit. The hope is that with the structure now known, scientists will be able to determine where to best target the protein for the insertion of virus-crippling drugs. SHOOT FOR THE THERMAL EXHAUST PORT!
Pharmacologists need a 3-D picture that "unfolds" the molecule and rotates it in order to reveal potential targets for drugs.
This is where Foldit comes in.Developed in 2008 by the University of Washington, it is a video game in which gamers, divided into competing groups, compete to unfold chains of amino acids - the building blocks of proteins - using a set of online tools.
To the astonishment of the scientists, the gamers produced an accurate model of the enzyme in just three weeks.
It is believed to be the first time gamers have resolved a long-standing scientific problem.
High-five, gamers! I'm actually about to get the platinum trophy for Fallout 3 tonight, so I know what it feels like to...write something completely unrelated and sound like a bragging @$$hole. It feels good. YOU CAN'T KEEP ME DOWN!
Online gamers crack enzyme riddle [abcnews]
and
U.S. Gamers Crack Puzzle in AIDS Research that Stumped Scientists for Years [foxnews]
Thanks to Orcbutt, Adrian J, Amber, comfort eagle, FloorMatt, Bradley and Mitchell, who've all cured thousands of hours of boredom with video games.
Sep 19 2011 Your Brand Manager, They Should Be Fired: Transformer Branded Hostess Snack Cakes
Presumably because some bigwig in the marketing department wanted to make a classy exit and leave the company flipping a proverbial bird, Hostess actually branded their Snowball treats as 'Snowballimus' (previously: Green Lantern GloBalls) and another cupcake snack as 'Chocwave Shockwaves'. The Chocwaves sound okay but the Snoballimuses look utterly disgusting, which is saying a lot because blue is probably my favorite color food. "Razzleberries?" Smurfs.
Hit the jump for a shot of the other.
Sep 19 2011 :'( We Lost A Good One This Weekend: IRL Superhero Electron Boy, 14, Passed Away
14-year old Seattle cancer patient turned Make-A-Wish-Foundation superhero Erik Martin sadly succumbed to his disease (HEY -- FUCK YOU CANCER, SERIOUSLY) Friday, and yes, I'm writing this by touch because I can't see the screen. Rest in peace, Erik, you will be missed.
Electron Boy lit up the lives of many [seattletimes]
Thanks to Becca and Puwe, who both found solace in knowing Electron Boy lives on inside every little atom. Thanks, I needed that.
Sep 19 2011 Blocky Platforming: Minecraft Parkour Courses
Always wanted to try parkour but way too blubbery? I'm with you. Except the wanting to try parkour part, me and physical activity do NOT get along. Me and women either. I SAID I LIKE YOUR HAIR, STUPID, GOD! This is a parkour platforming course built in Minecraft. Just watching it made me exhausted plus pour a bottle of Gatorade over my head. Great, now sssssssome of myyyyyy keyys are ssssssstickkkkking.
Hit the jump for the whew, that took a lot out of me.
Continue Reading " Blocky Platforming: Minecraft Parkour Courses "
Sep 19 2011 Netflix Splitting Into Two Companies, Netflix For Streaming, Qwikster For DVDs & Games
Because everyone was all, "oh no you di-in't!" when Netflix announced their price-hike, the company has decided to split into two parts in a feeble attempt at damage control. The streaming company will still be called Netflix, but the DVD-by-mail portion will now be known as Qwikster, and will soon incorporate a video game upgrade option but NOT a price downgrade option. No word if they plan on rolling out a "curtained back of the rental store" porn service, but I'm not touching those discs if they do. Well, not without my gauntlets on anyway.
Sep 19 2011 Look At All Your Different Colored Hats!: The Color Choices Of Comic Book Characters
Note: This is NOWHERE NEAR the whole graphic, click HERE RIGHT HERE LAST CHANCE! to see the entire colorful-ass thing.
This is a giant infographic examining the color choices of comic book characters, the differences between Marvel and DC's palettes, and character's color changes over time. It was...very informative. "No it wasn't." You got me, I didn't read it. It was colorful though. "Soooooooooo...you posted it because it looked like a rainbow?" I thought it was a treasure map to a pot of gold.
The Colors of Good vs. Evil: Comic Book Color Palettes [colourlovers] (I love purple and glitter!)
Thanks to Britt, who agrees the best color in invisible because then you can spy on people changing.
Sep 19 2011 Uh-Oh: NASA Satellite Crashing To Earth This Week, Odds Of Hitting Somebody '1 in 3,200'
According to NASA scientists, the now-defunct Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite (UARS) will be reentering earth's atmosphere this Friday and, possibly, "hurting someone". Like, bad. Deadly hurt. On a scale from 1 to 10 of ways I want to die, getting hit with a piece of a satellite is like a 2. Wrestling a shark for a mermaid's honor? That's like an 8. Dammit Jaws, I know you didn't just call my Ariel a f***ing dugong.
The satellite's current orbit is 155 by 174 miles (250 by 280 kilometers), with an inclination of 57 degrees, said NASA. That means the satellite would have to descend into the atmosphere somewhere between 57 degrees north latitude and 57 degrees south.
NASA estimated that the debris footprint would stretch about 500 miles.According to the calculations made by the NASA scientists, the satellite will break into 26 pieces as it gets closer to earth. The chances of it hurting someone anywhere on the planet are 1 in 3,200.
Granted there's entirely too much speculation involved to assume the 1 in 3,200 odds are anything but an incredibly uneducated (stay in school kids) guess, but still -- I stood worse odds of winning $200 on a scratch-off ticket over the weekend, but you know what? I did. Does this mean I'm gonna get hit with a satellite and die on Friday? Hell no, I'm gonna be in my apartment building's basement hiding in a dryer!
Pieces of Defunct NASA Satellite May Hit Earth This Week [ibtimes] (international business, NOT irritable bowel -- I was confused too)
Thanks to bb, who agrees getting hit with a piece of flaming satellite is a day ruiner. Unless you don't die and can sue NASA for the moon or something. Now that -- that would be pretty cool.
Sep 18 2011 George Lucas Gets A Taste Of Own Medicine
Oh hai George, I heard you like changing things.
This Looks Shopped of the Day [thedailywh.at]
Thanks to Miranda, who agrees that chin is the shit nightmares are made of.
Sep 16 2011 Lifesize Papercraft Link (You Know, From Zelda!)
This isn't the first lifesize papercraft Link we've seen, it's just the first one we've seen outdoors. Created by DeviantARTist stuioofmm (aka Michaela Something), it's always nice to see a character in their natural element. Mine? My natural element is in the middle of a epic battle box of Girl Scout Cookies. :/
Link is a life size papercraft model standing around 5'5. He is made completely from 250 gsm paper (about 4x stronger then normal paper). He has foam core supports in the top and bottom of his pants, top and bottom of his boots and a ring in his waist. There is also some in the back of his shield, and in the handle of the master sword.
Link is made from 250+ pages, the initial template is 198, but there are layers of strips of paper inside for support, and 831 pieces. I worked on him constantly for a month, working approximately 12 hours each day but sometimes that number could go up to 20.
Not gonna lie, when I first saw a thumbnail picture I thought he was a giant piñata. "Haha -- you would, GW!" I would what -- hit that? All night long. Or him me, I don't care. I swing every which-way, including blindfolded. What can I say, I'm kinky. "Pfft, blindfolds aren't even kinky." They are when you're banging tree-people!
Hit the jump for several more shots and a link to the artist's DeviantART with high-res versions.
Continue Reading " Lifesize Papercraft Link (You Know, From Zelda!) "
Sep 16 2011 ROBOTS OF THE FUTURE: Scientists Create Living Cells Out Of Inorganic Metals
Because there's absolutely no point, scientists have managed to create 'living' cells out of metals. Why? I JUST TOLD YOU, THERE'S NO REASON. Fine, FINE -- it's to prove that inorganic life could evolve somewhere in the cosmos. Are you happy now?! Because I'm sure as hell not. *tries to spit, dribbles down chin to dress* FUFUFUFUUUUUUUUUU! "Wait -- let's go back to the part where you're wearing a dress." You'd like that.
To prove that it's at least physically possible, a team from the University of Glasgow has created some cell-like bubbles call iCHELLs out of metallic elements like tungsten bonded with oxygen and phosphorus. These bubbles can self-assemble, and they exhibit many of the same properties that allow biological cells to do what they do, including an internal structure and a selectively porous outer membrane that can let other molecules pass through. It may even be possible to set the metallic cells up to perform photosynthesis.
The tricky bit at this point is to figure out how to imbue the metallic cells with something like DNA to allow them to self-replicate and evolve, but this may in fact be possible: the bubbles can use each other as templates to create more bubbles, and experiments suggest that they may even be able to alter their own chemistry to adapt to different environments.
Yeah, so in the process of proving inorganic life could evolve somewhere, we're gonna wind up making some sort of sentient robotic race. That...sounds wonderful, really. Hold on, my gun just told me he wanted to talk to me. Yes, gun? "BLAM!" Cool story bro. Also, I don't really understand why this is even news considering I've known cells could be made out of metal for years. Get it?! Jail. I've spent time there.
Researchers developing new form of life that's made of metal [dvice]
Thanks to The Dude and Tim, who agree cells have always been made out of metal.
Sep 16 2011 I'm Puking Already: Live-Size Gummi Brain
You ever wanted to eat an entire human-sized brain made out of bubble-gum flavored gummi? God, you must spend a small fortune at the movie snackbar. But now your sickening dream can become reality my soon-to-be diabetic friend, all thanks to Firebox's (NOT Firefox's) 7-pound, $32 Giant Gummi Brain. That is like *doing math* 7-pounds too many. Know what I'm sayin'? I'm saying one time I mushed four packs of Sour Patch Kid Watermelons into a big ball and washed it down with a Hi-C the size of a kiddy pool. Best movie experience ever? I think so! (I got such an uncontrollable sugar high I tore an entire row of seats out of the ground)
Product Site
via
Full-Size Gummy Human Brain Will Turn You Into a Sugar Zombie [gizmodo]
Thanks to Daisy, who brought a human-sized brain made out of Pop-Rocks to a party once and seven people died.
Sep 16 2011 CLONE THEM: Dino Feathers Found In Amber
Paleontologists in Canada have discovered a treasure trove of dinosaur feathers (I know -- it's still hard for me to believe too) trapped in amber that should shed some light on the evolution of feathered animals, and, God unwilling but let's totally do it anyways, the potential cloning of my smexy reptilian brethren.
A team of scientists from the University of Alberta believes the feathers, 11 in total, are from the Late Cretaceous period, which spanned 99 million to 66 million years ago.
Discoveries of dinosaur feathers have helped reshape the public's perception of the extinct creatures. Gone are the days when dinosaur skin was thought of as solely scaly."You can kind of track where the science is going by just looking at contemporary culture," Dr. Norell said. "If you look at the original Jurassic Park film, all the dinosaurs looked like crocodiles. And today, you look at the most recent incarnations of them, and lots of them are fluffy."
Whoa whoa whoa -- fluffy dinosaurs?! THIS. CHANGES. EVERYTHING. But mostly just what I picture when I masturbate. Let's clone 'dem beeches already.
Alberta's dinosaur feathers have paleontologists all atwitter [theglobeandmail]
Thanks to Melissa, who cloned a pterodactyl and trained it as a winged mount but apparently they don't understand power lines.
Sep 16 2011 Good Friends: Guys Find Friend Dead, Play 'Weekend At Bernies' IRL To Drink On His Tab
43-year old Robert Jeffrey Young (43 isn't really that young, bro) and Mark Rubinson, 25, went to pick up their "friend" Jeffrey Jarrett for a guy's night out on the town. Only thing is, Jeffrey was dead. So what did they do? Loaded his blue ass into the back of their car and went out anyways! His treat.
[The two men found Jerrett] unresponsive at his house late on Aug. 27, before loading him into Rubinson's car and taking him to a local bar and grill, where they drank on his tab.
They then went to another bar, before returning Jarrett's body to his home and continuing their night out using their dead friend's ATM card to withdraw money. On their way home, they flagged down a cop and told him they thought their friend was dead at his house.
Wait -- YOU LEFT HIM IN THE CAR?! But what if he wanted to mack on some honeys? What the hell's the purpose of bringing him if you're not even gonna tie strings around his hands and make him dance like a real-life marionette?! You know you could have just taken his ATM card and left him at home. Also, anybody's whose first reaction to a dead friend is "let's load him in the car and go boozing" and not "scream and pass out" scares the hell out of me.
Denver Men Accused of Taking Friend's Corpse on Boys' Night Out [foxnews]
Thanks to Thaylor, who doesn't even want to find a frienemy dead.
Sep 16 2011 'Tatooine' Planet With Two Suns Discovered
Yeah? Well I have like, three sons, so there!
Scientits (not changing it) using NASA's Kepler space telescope have discovered a planet orbiting two suns by following its shadow as it crossed in front of them. This is the first time a planet with two suns has been officially confirmed, despite the fact that I've been on numerous outerspace journeys before AND SEEN THEM WITH MY OWN THREE EYES (my peen grew one after an incident in my ship's reactor-core).
"When we first discovered it ... I sent around a message, 'Hey, you know guys, we should ask George Lucas if we can nickname this guy Tatooine,'" said Doyle, a former protegé of famed astrophysicist Carl Sagan. "Suddenly and unexpectedly after years of looking for a circumbinary planet - we got a beauty."
A double sunset on the real Tatooine, Doyle said, would surpass even Lucas' imagination. For someone standing on the planet's surface, one of the suns would appear orange and the other red.The suns also change positions and movement in relationship to each other. This means sunsets on Tatooine are like snowflakes: No two are ever the same. "Sometimes the red star would go down first, sometimes the orange star," said Doyle. "Sometimes they would be far apart, sometimes they would be eclipsed. So it's a really interesting sunset."
LOL @ "we should ask George Lucas if we can nickname this guy Tatooine". HE WILL SUE THE F*** OUT OF YOU AND THEN SHIT ALL OVER YOUR CHILDHOOD!
'Tatooine' gives first direct proof of 2-sun planet [cnn]
Thanks to penny, Ryan, TK 745, Ray Feather, Chris, Nick, Mr. Fancy (I'm digging the white gloves, sir!), LupusYonderboy, Bryan, Matt, R-Man Dewback, Alice, SIG, daniel, Hayley and Rachel, who are still waiting for scientists to discover a planet with two daughters.
Sep 16 2011 Your Superhero Name (Is Going To Suck)
Yesterday when I first saw this I was Black Pillow. Now I'm Pasty-Skin Grape Nut Flakes. Really hoping the supervillains still take me seriously.
Previously: Your zombie apocalypse weapon.
What Is Your Superhero Name? [buzzfeed]
Sep 16 2011 Teensy Robot To Attempt (140-Mile) Triathlon
Remember Evolta, the miniscule robotic mascot for Panasonic's line of Evolta batteries? Of course you do, you have a memory like an elephant. Body too. "What was that?!" Sorry I must've farted. Well now Evolta is going to attempt an Ironman triathlon in Hawaii early next month featuring a 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike ride and 26.2 run. He will be allowed one week to complete the course, despite humans only getting 17-hours (with last year's winner taking only 8:10:37 with splits of 51:36 swim, 4:31:51 bike and 2:43:31 marathon -- do the math, it's f***ing nuts). From my understanding, Evolta will only be allowed to function on a single set of three rechargeable batteries, so my money's on being eaten by a shark during the swimming portion.
Hit the jump for a short but cute (I said it!) video of Evolta in his three different forms.
Continue Reading " Teensy Robot To Attempt (140-Mile) Triathlon "
Sep 15 2011 Star Wars Roundup: Jedi Kitties, Stop Motion Origami X-Wing Battle And R2-D2 Operation
Here's three Star Wars posts in one because I really know how to pack it in. "Like fudge?" Exactly like fudge. The first video is the second film in the 'Jedi kitty fights' series, the second video is an origami space-battle advertisement for Star Wars branded Moleskine notebooks because, honestly, how have we all been living without $20 leather notebooks with 'STAR WARS' embossed on the front? The third is an R2-D2 version of the game 'Operation'. So yeah, you can consider this a sort of hodge-podge post. Granted I have no idea what a hodge-podge actually is, but if it's anything like a crock-pot we should totally make some chili. Except with people.
Hit the jump for two videos and a couple more shots of the Operation game.
Sep 15 2011 Homebrew Fallout: New Vegas Pokemon Mod (Plus Latest Installment Of Fallout Web-Series)
This is a homemade Fallout: New Vegas Pokemon mod for the PC from Youbutter Youtuber darthgir2. It combines the excitement of New Vegas, with the excitement of playing Pokemon. That is DOUBLE the excitement, folks. *beating head against desk I'm so got-damn worked up about it!*
Finally after months of putting it off I have completed my Pokemon mod for Fallout NV. For those of you who are familiar with my Fallout 3, its the same concept with few improvements. You throw you Pokeball to release your Pokemon, just like in the game. They follow you around as a companion would and fight along side you.
You know what would be even cooler than a Pokemon mod? A Pokepog mod. "WTF is that?" I'm glad you asked. It combines the excitement of Fallout with the excitement of Pokemon with the excitement of pogs. "Pogs aren't exciting, they're lame." SAY IT AGAIN -- I'LL KILL YOU.
Hit the jump for a video set to some nice relaxing music.
Sep 15 2011 Oh Shishi -- It's Sexy Time!: Harley Quinn's Motion Capture Model For The Arkham Games
Ever wonder who does all the sexy-ass motion capture work for femme fatale Harley Quinn in the Arkham series of Batman games? SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER: a sassy little Asian dude.
Hit the jump for the tricky reveal video that I guarantee was watched by at least a couple thousand fanboys with their pants around their ankles before the twist (read: wiener-y) ending.
Sep 15 2011 Web Browser Dresses: Computer Couture
Note: Larger version HERE if you're convinced if the picture were just bigger you'd be able to see Opera's panties grande finale.
Ever wondered what Firefox, Opera, Internet Explorer, Chrome and Safari would look like as dresses? Yeah? WELL YOU NEED TO LAY OFF THE F***ING WEED AND GET A DAMN JOB. Please note: the dresses weren't created to provide any social commentary about the browsers they're based on, they're just an exercise in design. Just like the ladies aren't supposed to be representative of the typical user of a particular browser because, come on, a fiery redhead using Chrome? LOL, get real!
Browseristas. Browsers as painted ladies. [reddit]
via
Anthropomorphized Web Browsers of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]
Thanks to Mark, who agrees there should have been more dress-ripping catfight involved.
Sep 15 2011 Mario 30th Anniversary Music Extravaganza!
That...is making my eyes water.
This is an 18-minute trip (literally, some of the graphics are INTENSE) down Mario memory lane featuring a musical montage of tunes from Nintendo games featuring everyone's favorite plumber (unless your favorite plumber is the guy from Roto-Rooter you call when your shitter overflows, in which case no, not him). It includes music from pretty much every game Mario has ever been in and makes a great soundtrack for the day. Kidding, it's like having a 18-minute seizure.
Hit the jump, watch a little, then hopefully get sent home early for looking sickly.
Continue Reading " Mario 30th Anniversary Music Extravaganza! "
Sep 15 2011 Google Awards $1M Grant To Determine Just How Much The Internet Affects The World
It affects everything and a lot, where's my cash?
Google just dropped a cool million in the lap of the World Wide Web Foundation to determine just how far-reaching the effects of the intertubes are on the world. I'm...not sure it's money well spent.
The aim of the project is to compile a 'composite index, incorporating political, economic, social, and developmental indicators, as well as indicators of Web connectivity and infrastructure'.
It is hoped the study, which will be presented as a series of annual reports, will help to improve the understanding of the web's impact on humanity.The results will be able to prove or disprove theories about the web's influence around the world, such as the notion that a government's investment in internet infrastructure raises GDP growth.
Interesting. *yawn* See what I did there? I was being sarcastic. *flailing arms and slobbering* That? That was me being spastic. *back handspring!* Gymnastic. *perusing science textbook* Scholastic. OMG I AM LIKE, SOOOOOOOO FREAKING EXCITED FOR DIABLO 3 TO COME OUT! Enthusiastic.
Google awards $1m grant to group to find just how worldwide the web is [metro]
Thanks to JoeLicASack, who was smart enough to note the internet begins and ends with Geekologie. Well, technically, it's an I and a T (like IT!!!!1), but WHATTHEF***EVER.
Sep 15 2011 The Pr0n Must Go On!: Adult Entertainment Company Building Bunker For The Apocalypse
Note: Larger picture HERE in case you want to build a similar command center in your apocalyptic bunker.
First of all, I'm pretty sure this is all fake/a publicity stunt. But did that stop CBS Los Angeles from running with the story? F*** no. And is it gonna stop me? Nothing can stop me. *flexing* "Ha -- I've seen penises bigger than your biceps." RUDE, YOU'RE BEING RUDE. So smut peddler Pink Visuall has allegedly (and I stress allegedly harder than I stress random drug tests at work) begun construction on a 1,500-person bunker to survive the coming apocalypse because, if there's one thing a bunch of irradiated zombies can't live without, it's porno.
A spokesman for Van Nuys-based Pink Visual said the bunker will be "far more than a mere bomb shelter or subterranean survivalist enclave" with amenities such as multiple fully-stocked bars, an enormous performing stage and a sophisticated content production studio.
The studio is currently working out details on the selection criteria for all non-Pink Visual personnel who they will allow to take refuge in the bunker, but Boyer said it will "likely include both merit-based and random selections, with Pink Visual performers, active site members and Twitter followers getting priority over the general public."
Aha! The old 'fear mongering to attract Twitter followers' tactic. I honestly expected more from Pink Visual. Jk jk, it's a f***ing porn company. LOLOAREOLA!
LA Porn Studio Begins Construction On 'Post-Apocalyptic' Underground Bunker [cbslosangeles]
Thanks to Hedgehog, who has every intention of just rolling up into a ball and waiting the apocalypse out. BUT WHAT ABOUT TAILS?!?!
Sep 15 2011 Windows 8 Blue Screen Of Death: Now With More Frowny Face Emoticon (Finally!)
Because your mom won't understand what's happening unless there's an emoticon to relay appropriate emotional information, the new Window's 8 blue screen of death features a lil frowny face and generic message about the operating system shitting the bed. "Oh, oh no -- a frowny. This is bad. I better call my son/daughter." No word if you get a smiley face for successfully shutting down your computer after a crash-free session, but that's why Microsoft needs to hire me. It's called positive reinforcement, and I could sell DVD seminars on that shit. Congratulations, it has been 4 days since your last blue screen of death! :')
Windows 8 Blue Screen of Death replaces crash details with a sad face [geek]
Thanks to Charlie and svelt, who petitioned to have Window's crash screen be black with red letters and a little blood-dripping animation. Oh man, that would almost be worth a crash just to see.
Sep 14 2011 'Tape Unraveling' Time-Lapse Is Freaky-Deaky
Ever wanted to watch a time-lapse animation of tape hanging from a glass plate unravel all creepy freaky-deaky like? Of course you have -- you're sick in the head. Per (non-sandwich) artist Johan Rijpma:
...I worked on this project for about 6 months. I tried many different compositions and then made a selection. A single composition could take more than 12 hours to develop/breakdown.
(the spinning of the plate was done by hand, turnin the plate about 0,4 degree's every 30 seconds, this meant i was standing in the wind and the rain for hours watching the tape "grow" and watching the sun come up/go down)
Impressive, but you know what I've always wanted to watch? Grass grow. Like, really take the time and acid and just watch it. Kidding, but one time I did lay down a blanket at the park and try to spot dinosaurs in the clouds. It sucked, this sweet-ass velociraptor was just starting to form when a giant pig head came out of nowhere and swallowed it up. RUINED MY ENTIRE PICNIC. That and the ants. Did I mention there were ants? Apparently I laid down on top of an ant hill. And let me tell you -- those lil dicks were all about some of my homemade potato salad. Plus biting my legs. I've hated all outdoors ever since. I don't even open my apartment windows anymore, it's that bad. One time a friend asked me to go for a walk to talk because his girlfriend had broken up with him and I told him to get over it and she was way out of his league anyways just so I wouldn't have to go.
Hit the jump for the video.
Continue Reading " 'Tape Unraveling' Time-Lapse Is Freaky-Deaky "
Sep 14 2011 That...Is Creepy: iPhone Cases That Look Like Somebody Else's Ear When Making A Call
Listen: I hate my ears as much as the next person with grotesquely oversized lobes, but do see me designing $20 iPhone cases that make it look like I'm rocking different ears? No, you don't. But mostly because you can't actually see me at all, and you should be thankful for that because this face could break mirrors. AND hearts. Well, two anyways. Back me up, Quasimodo. "YERYERYERYER!" Sloth? "HEY YOU GUUUUUUUUUYS!" God I should just join a dating site.
Hit the jump for several more shots of the OMG, I'm totally gonna make myself a SARS mask that looks like I've got a bone through my nose!
Sep 14 2011 1/8-Scale Lamborghini Selling For $4.7 Million, Actual Car Only $380K
Because most rich-ass people got no damn class, Robert Gülpen (yeah -- gulpin' down endangered fish caviar on a yacht probably!) is selling this 1/8-scale diamond and jewel encrusted Lamborghini Aventador at auction for $4.8-million. Allegedly, the car has over $2.7-million in gems and exotic metals and Robert spent over 500 man-hours putting it all together. Which means...
$4,800,000
-$2,700,000
$2,100,000
$2,100,000 ÷ 500 = $4,200
Oh helllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no your time isn't worth got-damn $4,200/hour, Robert! WHO THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, RUMPELSTILTSKIN?!?!
Hit the jump for the smarmiest-ass smile I've seen in a long time.
Continue Reading " 1/8-Scale Lamborghini Selling For $4.7 Million, Actual Car Only $380K "
Sep 14 2011 TARDIS Cat House: I Wanna Play In That!
I actually used to have a cat that was retardis -- miss you Little Man.
This is a half-scale Dr. Who TARDIS cat house lovingly built by woodworking-wonder Astromark for his kitty Kaylee because, I dunno, I guess cats are really spoiled these days. I remember a time just a couple years ago when you could give a cat an empty soda box and they felt like they'd lost all nine lives and gone to heaven. Now you ding a crystal glass with a dessert fork and they come running at their leisure and are all, "Fancy Feast, seriously? I'm shitting in your shoes tonight, @$$hole."
Hit the jump for a bunch more of the finished product, including an interior shot that admittedly does look a lot bigger than the outside would lead you to believe.
Continue Reading " TARDIS Cat House: I Wanna Play In That! "
Sep 14 2011 Questionable: Jacket With Built-In Breathalyzer
This is a jacket prototype by designer Matt Leggett (not to be confused with Mark Armmett), that has an integrated breathalyzer sewn into the sleeve. Just not a very practical one. *straightening bowtie* Or classy.
Designed with an Arduino, an alcohol sensor and a simple LED display, the breathalyzer coat aims as a deterrent to drunk driving. Curious if your blood alcohol level is over the limit? Just blow into the alcohol sensor located in the collar of your coat and watch the LEDs light up on your sleeve, indicating your drunkenness level.
I assume the jacket displays blood alcohol content in 0.02 increments, up to 0.08 (the typical legal limit), but I'm not really sure. An even better way of knowing if you're too drunk to drive? CATCHING YOURSELF BLOWING INTO THE COLLAR OF YOUR JACKET. No -- even owning a breathalyzer jacket. If you own a breathalyzer jacket you're f***ing trashed.
Hit the jump for a larger shot of the God, let me just call you a cab (you already lost your phone).
Continue Reading " Questionable: Jacket With Built-In Breathalyzer "
Sep 14 2011 People 'Allergic' To Wireless Signals Flocking To Wi-Fi Free Town In Podunk, West Virginia
Apparently 5% of Americans believe they have Electromagnetic Hypersensitivity (EHS), a make-believe condition that causes headaches, skin-burning sensations, and chronic pain when exposed to wireless signals. The other 95% of Americans recognize those symptoms as "life, get f***ing used to it!" and are smart enough to know the other 5% are nutjobs (which they are). Enter Green Bank, West Virginia (chief export: tin-foil hats), 13,000-square miles of wireless signal-free living in the 'US Radio Quiet Zone', due to the radio telescopes operating in the area and a growing safe-haven for aspiring pipe-bomb builders. Unfortunately, it's kind of a trade off -- no wireless signals, but almost certainly some alien contact because of the telescope activity. That's a tough call for a crazy person. Until you realize it's West Virginia we're talking about and suddenly burning skin and headaches don't sound so bad anymore. Trust me, I was born there. And, God willing, I'll die there after hitting a deer with my car and flying off the edge of a mountain. WILD AND WONDERFUUUUUUUUUUUUL!!
Thanks to Rob, who agrees that even though our paths may wander up and down, our hearts remain in our hometowns. *wiping tear* So true, so true.
Sep 14 2011 Apocaplyptic Playhouse: Mushroom Cloud Fort
This is a mushroom cloud treehouse designed and built by sculptor Dietrich Wegner. It looks pretty awesome, but would look even awesomer with a 'NO GURLZ ALOUD' sign hanging outside. *throwing dirtballs* READ THE SIGN, SUZY!
The structure is about twenty feet tall, and the artist intended for it to show "two conflicting ideas," which one can only assume is "play" and "doom," though it's supposedly representative of the contradiction between what our eyes enjoy and what our mind knows...
Seriously bro? Why does every single thing somebody makes have to have some sort of pretentious message? Why can't it just be a sweet treehouse to hang out with your friends and plan the toilet-papering of a neighbor's house? I swear. I made an egg for breakfast but you don't see me writing about how it's the symbolic representation of my own rebirth that I know can never never happen because I was never properly fertilized or nurtured in the first place, do you? "You just did. What does bacon mean?" F*** this, I'm going for a walk.
Hit the jump for three more designs of the same theme.
Continue Reading " Apocaplyptic Playhouse: Mushroom Cloud Fort "
Sep 14 2011 Massive 43,000-Piece LEGO Star Destroyer
This is an 8-foot, 180-lb Venerator Class Star Destroyer made entirely out of 43,000 LEGO pieces by LEGO-maniac Iomedes. It...would look great in my bedroom. And by bedroom I mean my actual bed because there's noway in hell it would fit anywhere else. "Pfft, you're just saying that because you wanna cuddle!" So what if I am? "Haha, I knew it! Are you a big spoon or little spoon?!" Pickle fork.
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures, a video, and a link to Erik's Flickr for more, high-res shots.
Continue Reading " Massive 43,000-Piece LEGO Star Destroyer "
Sep 13 2011 Where Are You Hiding The Water Wizard?!: Magic Fountain Can Tell Time, Make Pictures
First of all, this isn't really a new invention. I know it's not because I remember posting a similar fountain over three years ago, before some of you were even housebroken. "I'm still not." But you are still single, so that's something to think about. This is a magic water fountain at an Osaka train station that performs all kinds of drip-based animations to impress passers-by and mesmerize children. Possibly so the water wizard living in the pool below can steal their souls and finally escape the dark realm and wreak havoc on Fairyland. I don't f***ing know, I'm not a fantasy writer.
Hit the jump for 4-minutes (plus a bonus video from the side!) of the soothing sound of water falling that...I pissed myself, didn't I?
Sep 13 2011 Now You're Talking!: Sexy Transformer Tattoo
Fine, SO MAYBE I LIED. Still, I had to find a way to ensure you'd all look at the picture because it brings up several important questions I want to discuss with you. 1. Does the guy that this dude calls dad know his wife banged a wild bear behind his back and 2. WHY THE F*** WERE BROBRO'S NIPS SEWN ON AT SUCH DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT HEIGHTS?! *performing sign of the cross* The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Transforming Chest Hair [buzzfeed]
Thanks to d-fizz, who tried shaving the Cobra Command serpent into his chest, screwed it up, decided to try again with his pubes, and wound up nicking one of his balls. Ouch.
Sep 13 2011 Mmmm, Printer Jam: 3-D Printable Food Closer To Reality, My Gaping Face-Hole
Mmmm, boogers a la baby doodoo -- my favorite!
Printable food: because who wants a human being touching meals with those grubby-ass fingernails of theirs when it can be squirted out a nozzle in paste form? Mmm, paste. Enter Cornell's Creative Machines Lab, which is apparently on the leading edge of printable food technology because, remember: being the only one doing something automatically makes you the best at it. "And worst." Dammit Debbie Downer, I was trying to sound inspirational!
The CCML food printers require edible inks and electronic blueprints called FabApps. This machine prints food using multiple cartridges, going line by line until the desired shape is extruded. "The electronic blueprint specifies exactly which materials go where--it is essentially a blueprint of the food item," says Hod Lipson, the head of the lab.
With most 3-D food printing concepts today, the inks are the foods themselves in fluid form--think molten chocolate, cheese, or cookie dough. Foods that can't be readily extruded from a syringe such as meats and vegetables are ground and mixed with other liquids to create novel food-inks.Essential Dynamics, a tech startup in New York, plans to bring out a commercial version of the 3-D food printer that will retail for $1,000 initially. Its founder Jamil Yosefzai believes that the desire to customize foods will make 3-D food printers an essential part of everyone's kitchen in due course.
Call me crazy, but..."YOU'RE F***ING NUTS, BRO!" Okay from everybody else's continued silence I'm gonna assume you realize that was actually meant to be a rhetorical 'call me crazy' and you feel stupid for yelling now. "I'M NOT STUPID YOU'RE STUPID, I'LL CUT YOUR ASS!" Ugh, my point was this Ragey McFlyoffthehandle: I'd rather take my chances with a chef not washing his hands than have my meals extruded out of a Play-Doh Fun Factory. Know what I'm sayin'? I'm saying I've already eaten enough Play-Doh for six lifetimes.
Ramen by HP? The Wild Possibilities Of Printing Food [fastcompany]
via
Printable food is coming [dvice]
Thanks to my buddy Clark, who's never printed food before but did write, "KEEP GOBBLING THOSE WIENERS!" on my birthday cake in icing one year.
Sep 13 2011 696 Characters In Style Of OG Super Mario
This is a MASSIVE series of characters from Flickr user soundofdesign (aka Ty Lettau) in the style of Mario's little (read: unpowered-up) form from the original Super Mario Bros. It...obviously took a long time to do. Way longer than it took me to name them all, which was like, 10 seconds. Ready? GO!
MacGyverJeanLucPicaZdjalFewoafldkSLlSfalsLAQLLZZssVvbaksldallaaaszzwSTOP!
*panting* See? "You got the first one and most of the second one before trailing off and mumbling incoherently." Haha, you picked up on that, huh? You're a smart one.
Hit the jump for the rest including a ton of Star Wars, comic book, cartoon and every other character you could ever think of (except the one you're gonna complain about not being including in the comments!), plus -- PLUS -- OH GOD, what is this -- a bonus set of 139 characters as Mega Man, a third of which are WWF wrestlers. HAPPY F***ING DAY!!!!1 (be sure to check out the artist's Flickr page though to see them all in high-res and/or make one your new avatar).
Continue Reading " 696 Characters In Style Of OG Super Mario "
Sep 13 2011 Cut Off The Lock And The Bike Will Die
The StayLocked is a bicycle prototype created by peddler Andrew Leinonen after his girlfriend's bike lock was cut and her cycle stolen from outside their apartment. The bike's design has an incorporated lock that's made up of part of the seat support that attaches to the rear wheel. If the lock is cut, the seat can no longer support a rider's weight and the would-be thief can then be can be identified in a police lineup as "the one with half a bicycle up his ass." Unfortunately, an attempted theft destroys the bike, which, you know, doesn't make a lot of sense. Still, I guess anything's better than knowing some a-hole is out there riding your bike. And as a guy who once had three bikes stolen at once, I've got to admit: f*** I wish I'd packed the frames full of remote-controlled explosives.
Self-Destructing Bike Lock Gives Thieves the Ultimate Disincentive [wired]
Thanks to keith and Nurse In Training, who cleverly hid GPS trackers in the frames of their bikes so if they're ever stolen they can show up with guns and threaten to kill everyone the thieves have ever loved if they don't return the bikes and march themselves down to the police station. JESUS!
Sep 13 2011 Pack Your Bags!: 50 New Planets Discovered, Possibly Including Habitable 'Super-Earth'
I have no idea what a 'super-earth' is but, using the power of deductive reasoning: if regular earth is where regular humans come from than a super-earth is where superhumans come from. Me? I'm just a mediocre human. One day I'll help an old lady cross the street and the next one I'll lay on the horn for the same grandma trying to do it in front of me. What can I say, I'm an @$$hole complex. Scientists using the European Southern Observatory's telescope have just discovered over 50 new alien planets and believe at least one might be habitable. *packing bags* THIS SHIT BETTER NOT BE SOME F***ING DAGOBAH DUMP.
The newfound haul of alien planets includes 16 super-Earths, which are potentially rocky worlds that are more massive than our planet. One in particular -- called HD 85512 b -- has captured astronomers' attention because it orbits at the edge of its star's habitable zone, suggesting conditions could be ripe to support life.
The potentially habitable super-Earth, officially called HD 85512 b, is estimated to be only 3.6 times more massive than Earth, and its parent star is located about 35 light-years away, making it relatively nearby. HD 85512 b was found to orbit at the edge of its star's habitable zone, which is a narrow region in which the distance is just right that liquid water could exist given the right conditions.
Wait -- did that just say it's only 35-light years away?! What are waiting for -- if we leave now traveling at 671-MILLION MILES PER HOUR we could be there in 35-years! 40 if we have to keep stopping to piss because your parents never taught you how to rubberband your pecker on long car trips.
'Super-Earth,' 1 of 50 newfound planets, just might support life [msnbc]
Thanks to LupusYonderboy, Ali, Lance, SmellsLikeSheez and daniel, who are all welcome aboard my spaceship for the initial colonization BUT MUST BRING THEIR OWN RUBBERBANDS/GATORADE BOTTLES.
Sep 13 2011 How In The?: Guy Builds Luigi In Tetris Game
This is a video of tetromino trickster John Schuepbach building a (relatively) color-accurate Luigi in a game of Tetris. He ends up clearing 499 lines in the process though because, well, it isn't an easy one. Now I'm not saying I could have done it in less, because God and I both know I couldn't, but I AM saying I at least know my limits. Right now? Right now I'm chained to a radiator but I could probably reach my water bowl if I strained hard enough. OH ME? NOTHING! HAHAHAHA -- JUST TALKING TO MY IMAGINARY FRIENDS! Help I've been kidnapped.
Hit the jump and at least skip around for a couple seconds to appreciate just how intense this was to do.
Continue Reading " How In The?: Guy Builds Luigi In Tetris Game "
Sep 13 2011 Exercise...Is Fun?: IRL Zombie Running Game
This is a Kickstarter project for a smartphone game called 'ZOMBIES, RUN!' (very catchy) that combines real world running with a zombie video game. Basically, you accept a mission, run around IRL while listening to the game unfold through your headphones, and pass distance waypoints to collect in-game weapons, medical supplies, etc. that will help fortify your zombie base. Wheeeee, I'm gonna have a heart attack trying to find a shotgun!
You receive orders and hear the story told through radio messages and voice recordings between your own custom playlists. Missions last around 20-30 minutes in real time and there'll be over 30 unique missions in Season 1.
But what are the leaders of your base scheming about? How did you get there? Where did the zombies come from? There's a deeper mystery to be uncovered, puzzles to be solved, websites to be discovered, documents to be viewed so you can learn the truth of what's happened to the world.
Originally I thought the game was GPS based, although I'm not sure entirely sure now since in the description they said it'll work on a treadmill. So maybe sitting at your desk shaking your phone WILL work. But if not I've got a backup plan: taxis. Haha -- who's the survivor now?! ERROR: We've detected you're running in excess of 40MPH. FUFUFUFUUUUUUUUU! Forever alone aloser.
Hit the jump for a better video explanation of the game, and a link to the Kickstarter to donate to the game's development and score some swag in the process.
Continue Reading " Exercise...Is Fun?: IRL Zombie Running Game "
Sep 12 2011 Cover Yourself In Mud!: A LEGO Predator
This is a Predator (NOT Terminator) bust made entirely out of LEGO pieces by numba one stunna skilled builder Shawn Snyder. I...never would have guessed you could have made such an accurate Predator face out of LEGO. I f***in' love those eyebrows. Mine? Not so much. I shaved a couple notches out of them when I was high thinking I could pull of a Vanilla Ice, then sobered up and cried in a cold shower for two hours until I turned blue. It's kind of a thing I do. A sexual one.
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more and a link to Shawn's build page with even MOAR.
Continue Reading " Cover Yourself In Mud!: A LEGO Predator "
Sep 12 2011 Identity Crisis: The Amphibious Trailer-Boat
This is the Sealander, a camping trailer small enough to be towed behind a regular-sized car that, when backed into the water, turns into a lil boat. No word if it has a glass bottom so you can watch mermaids making love in the seaweed below, but probably not considering MERMAIDS ONLY MATE ON WHITE-SAND BEACHES AT HIGH TIDE UNDER A FULL MOON. God, don't you know anything about anything?!
The tiny trailer can be pulled behind a car, the interior rearranges from kitchen to sleeping area, and best of all, you can put the pod out on the water if you feel like going boating for a bit.
If you're getting excited about the possibility of having a camping trailer and boat that can be pulled behind your rented Zipcar, hold your horses. As Red Ferret reports, "This won't be up for grabs until 2012 at some point, but you're going to be looking at about $20,400 depending on different designs and configurations."
I...actually want one. I don't know about $20K though, that seems a little steep. Also: the hill my new apartment is on, which is why I had to ditch my bike in some bushes at the bottom and walk the rest of the way. My calves are NOT looking forward to tomorrow.
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures and a video.
Continue Reading " Identity Crisis: The Amphibious Trailer-Boat "
Sep 12 2011 It's Not Just Air?!: Anatomy Of A Doll Baby
Is it doll baby or baby doll? I like saying doll baby. Of course I also like saying lipchap instead of chapstick even though it's pissed my friends off to the point that I don't have any. Friends are overrated anyways though, amirite? "No, they're actually important to have." Are they? Well thank God I've got you! "We don't even know each other." Spoon and watch a brom-com? This is an anatomical study of a doll baby by artist Jason Freeny. As you can see, it contains everything you wouldn't expect to see in a toy doll, including a baby carrot and string of cut-up hotdogs. That said, one time in high school I tore the head off one of my little sister's dolls, and you know what I found? A pack of cigarettes. I made her smoke them all at once while I called the boys she liked and told them she has a penis bigger than theirs.
Hit the jump for a bunch of Jason's other anatomical sculptures (including My Little Pony, Yoshi and a Care Bear) and a link to his website with a ton more of his work.
Continue Reading " It's Not Just Air?!: Anatomy Of A Doll Baby "
Sep 12 2011 Glowing Kitties Now Cat AIDS Resistant
Another day, another batch of glowing-ass cats. I remember when I was growing up it was pretty much Gloworms or GTFO. My how time flies when you do the exact same thing everyday and it seems like just yesterday you were 18 with your whole life ahead of you. Now I'm thirty and haven't even seen a titty IRL. "Haha, that ship has sailed, bro!" Gee, THANKS A-HOLE. *dropkicks spyglass off dock*
Some cats are glowing, thanks to researchers at Mayo Clinic, who inserted rhesus macaque plus jellyfish genes into unfertilized cat eggs. The mix makes resulting kittens apparently resistant to feline immunodeficiency virus, which causes feline AIDS. Oh, yeah, and it also makes them glow under special lights. It's all part of a study on how to best fight human HIV and AIDS--as well as battle feline AIDS which is plaguing domestic cats.
Interesting work, Mayo Clinic. I wonder what the Spicy Mustard Hospital has to say about it! Kidding, there's no such thing. But if there was you better believe I'd have all my surgeries performed there. Dammit doc, I said I want a BLT sandwich for an arm! "Settle for a club?" Oh you're good.
Glow cat: fluorescent green felines could help study of HIV [theguardian]
and
Delighted to Meet You, Glow-in-the-Dark Kitties [newser]
Thanks to sonny and Patrick J. M., who agree a glowing pony wearing a party hat would be easy to mistake for a unicorn at night.
Sep 12 2011 Hip To Be Square: Buckyballs, Now In Cubes
Hip to be square -- LOLOL! Alternatively, let's stick together. F*** I hate myself. Buckyballs, the magnetic sensation you're NOT supposed to swallow despite how good they feel to pass (back me up, Magneto!), are now available in square form for $25 per 125-cube set. I've been in contact with the company though and it looks like we're gonna get ten free sets to give away, so expect a contest in the near future. And speaking of expecting -- I'M PREGNANT, GUYS! Just kidding, but I have been stuffing my shirt so I can park in those 'expectant mom' spots at the mall. You should see my wadde!
Hit the jump for a bunch more product shots and a video demo.
Continue Reading " Hip To Be Square: Buckyballs, Now In Cubes "
Sep 12 2011 I'm Calling It: The Future Of MP3 Players
Inb4 'I want what he's having'.
If bigger = better, then this is the best MP3 player ever made. If not, it's still the Zune.
Makeshift MP3 Player of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]
Thanks to Carsten, who made a record-playing backpack because he prefers the sound of vinyl.
Sep 12 2011 Next Time, No Chute: A BASE Jumping Robot
Seen here learning the first lesson of BASE jumping (you actually have to jump) the hard way, Paraswift the robot falls from the side of a building. Hopefully to its death (but I'll settle for a maiming).
The Paraswift uses a low pressure vortex that lets it stick to a smooth vertical surface, then once it reaches the prescribed height, it pops open its parachute and pushes off. The robot can carry a camera that shoots video on the way down, which is probably why Disney has a stake in the project.
The initial testing shows it jumping from only about 30 feet, but presumably that height can be scaled up.
Yeah but why? What's the actual application for BASE jumping robots? I'm sorry -- am I being too cynical? I apologize, Mondays are always hard for me. I don't know if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or what, but it was definitely the floor.
Hit the jump for the 'oh your parachute just haaaaaad to open, didn't it?' in action.
Continue Reading " Next Time, No Chute: A BASE Jumping Robot "
Sep 12 2011 SkyNET, The Wi-Fi Attacking Quadrocopter
"Scientists" (read: terrorists) at the Stevens Institute of Technology (SIT) have attached a Linux box to a quadrocopter drone and taught it to locate Wi-Fi networks and attack them from the air. Oh -- plus they named it SkyNET. What the shit...
Whilst internet-only attacks are traceable to some extent, drone attacks are difficult to detect until it's too late -- you'd have to catch it in the act and chase it off with a long-handled pitchfork, or something. The team is working on refining the technology to make it cheaper than the $600 it currently costs and advise that people toughen up their domestic wireless security.
Great, so not only do I have to worry about my neighbor trying to connect to my router to pirate German fetish films, now I have to worry about f***ing hackercopters. You know what? It's times like this I wish the internet were never invented. *imagines life without internets, shivers* Okay I take that back, but still. I used to not be this pale.
Scientists build WiFi hunter-killer drone and call it SkyNET... Viene Tormenta! [engadget]
Thanks to vassskk, who attacks Wi-Fi networks the old fashioned way: with a broadsword.
Sep 9 2011 The Gods Must Be Crazy: Pieces Of Research Satellite Will Be Crashing To Earth Soon
Satellites: they don't last forever. "WHAT?!?!" Haha -- including you, moon! And when they've served their purpose they have a couple options, 1) smash into other satellites and cause an even greater mess to drive through on the way to Mars, or 2) try to reenter the atmosphere, then break into a bunch of pieces and take one last jab at the civilization that sent them up there to rot in the first place. The 20-year old Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite? It's coming down swinging.
Shortly before its 2005 decommissioning, UARS made one final engine burn designed to gradually lower its orbit, and after spiraling down for the last six years (and narrowly missing the ISS on the way), the satellite will be reentering the atmosphere. Like, soon. Probably.
...NASA is tracking UARS very closely, though, and they should know four or five days ahead of time about when it's going to come down. At that point, they should be able to estimate a 500 mile swath in which the 1,170 pounds (ish) of surviving debris will land. Right now, all they know is that it could be anywhere between 57 degrees north and 57 degrees south of the equator, which covers basically the entire populated planet with the exception of Scandinavia and Sibera.
Oh man, I hope I get hit with a piece. And by me I mean the person standing next to me. Then I will falsify my own report about getting hit with a piece of space-junk, sue NASA for like EIGHTY BILLION SPACE DOLLARS and finally be able to afford the cosmetic surgery I've always dreamed of. You hear that, God? FUGLY NO MORE!
Heads up: huge NASA spacecraft coming down somewhere, sometime [dvice]
Thanks to dunc, who claims he got hit with a piece of space-junk a couple years ago but can't prove it because it's embedded in his skull and doesn't have the money to afford surgery. Hey um, dunc? That's just from when I tried stapling a balloon to your head when you were drunk one night. Forgive me?
Sep 9 2011 Harry Potter's Resumé To Become An Auror
So apparently somebody spent the time to write up a resumé for Harry Potter to become an auror, because, get this -- when it comes to Harry Potter, there are very few things people won't spend the time to do. These are also the same people that won't bother brushing their teeth or putting on deodorant before a date. Read: MY kind of people. Sniff each other's pits?
Harry Potter's Resumé To Join The Aurors [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Martin, who wrote his resumé in the style of a death threat and got the police called. Pfft, what were doing applying to such a lame-ass company in the first place?
Sep 9 2011 The Future (According To Sci-Fi Film And TV)
Note: This is nowhere nearthe whole graphic (apparently the future is loooooooong), click HERE to see the whole thing.
This is a giant infographic designed by Michael Hobson featuring sci-fi movies and television shows based in the future and what humanity has to look forward to during a particular period. SPOILER: nothing good. Just sayin', if I had died yesterday I wouldn't be complaining. Get it? I'd be too busy watching you all undress as a ghost! OMG OMG -- I saw this one dude that looked like he had tits on his back. I went in for a motorboat but my face went right through him!
The Future According To Films [visual.ly]
Thanks to skamondongo, who agrees the future is looking pretty bleak for anybody but androids.
Sep 9 2011 In Much More Affordable Shoe News: Limited Edition Kermit The Frog Adidas Superstars
In 'shoes that won't cost thousands of dollars' news, here's a limited edition release of Adidas Kermit the Frog Superstar II's coming out late October/early November. They're green, have Kermit's iconic collar at the tongue, and read 'The Original Hip Hop' on the side in gold print. No word if the soles are made of Flubber so you can leap like a frog, but if Nike's 'Back to the Future' shoes are any indication of shoes including the features you were hoping for, no.
Future Product Site [citysole]
via
Kermit the Frog adidas Superstar II Sneakers [laughingsquid]
Thanks to Carlos, who's holding out for the Miss Piggy's with the lead weights in the soles.
Sep 9 2011 Now You're Soldering Solo Style!: Vintage Han Solo Blaster Toy Modded Into Soldering Iron
There comes a time in every young man's life when he receives his first soldering iron. To me, that day feels like it was just yesterday. "That was yesterday -- you f***ing stole it out of my toolbox." Haha -- finders keepers!
About 1983, when I was fifteen, I dropped my dad's red Bakelite soldering gun and broke the casing. Of course he was upset, so I did my best to "fix it." So I took my original Star Wars Han Solo pistol and gutted it to hold the soldering gun components. I even ran the lightbulb up into the scope on top. The button on the handle worked well for the trigger switch. Ten years later, when the old house was sold, the gun wound up in my belongings. To this day, when an underpowered iron just won't do, I pull out the "Han Solderer" and get the job done. Half of me likes the mod, the other half is ill over the fact that I gutted my vintage Star Wars toy. What's done is done.
Sure you gutted your vintage Star Wars toy, but you made it even better. Just like I did with this gutted deer carcass. See? Before it was just a deer. But now -- now it's a gutted deer carcass sleeping bag. Tauntaun tie-in? I think so!
A picture of what the original 1977 Blaster toy looked like before modification after the jump.
Sep 9 2011 Symphony Of Science: The Quantum World (Plus The One Before That I Somehow Missed)
Because I'm slower than Artax in the Swamp of Sadness (my bad) a turtle in quicksand, this is the latest Symphony of Science that came out earlier this week. It's by far one of my favorites and features Morgan Freeman (who may or may yes have known a man who crawled to freedom through 500-yards of shit-smelling foulness) and some of the better lyric/beat mashups. It's a shame these things never make it on the radio. Also: me when I'm trying to win concert tickets. CURSE YOU, CALLER 19!
A musical investigation into the nature of atoms and subatomic particles, the jiggly things that make up everything we see. Featuring Morgan Freeman, Stephen Hawking, Michio Kaku, Brian Cox, Richard Feynman, and Frank Close.
Also included after the jump is the Symphony of Science from before this one, 'Children of Africa', that I somehow missed, which is all about humanity's origins, our similarity to primates, and our species' environmentally destructive tendencies. Like, for example, all the methane we produce by farting. *BUUUUUURP* Remember folks: better out the attic than the basement.
Hit the jump and get your learn on.
Sep 9 2011 22-Year Old Girl Tries To Eat 69-Year Old Man's Face Off In Alleged Vampire Attack (At Hooters)
Seen here with the tell-tale vampire underbite, 22-year old Josephine Smith was charged with aggravated battery after trying to eat the face off a 69-year old man in a motorized scooter on the porch of an abandoned Hooters restaurant. Hey -- truth is stranger than fiction. But Twilight is still clearly to blame here.
Morton Ellis, 69, said he fell asleep after parking his wheelchair on the porch of a vacant Hooters to escape the rain.
He said the woman, 22-year-old Josephine Rebecca Smith, told him she was a vampire as she bit off chunks of his face and part of his lip.Ellis managed to fend her off and called police. Officers found Smith at the restaurant, half naked and covered in blood.
No word if gramps tasted like turkey jerky. Also -- what exactly is the definition of half naked? Was she topless? I only ask for my own mental picture. And, okay, this doodle I've been working on. See? She has little bats for nipples!
UPDATE: She was actually bottomless. *crumpling paper* Fetch my pastels.
Police: Woman bites flesh from man's face in 'vampire' attack [abcnews] (with video news report)
and
Female "Vampire" Busted In Bloody Biting Attack [thesmokinggun] (with more details)
Thanks to Terry L and JoeLikASac, who only try to eat young people's faces off because they have refined palates. Hoho -- classy vamps!
Sep 9 2011 Nike's Back To The Future Shoes Are Here
So Nike released their Back To The Future shoes (The 2011 Nike MAG) last night during a special event here in LA that I was rudely not invited to despite 1. being right up the street and 2. Nike knowing good and well I'm down to one shitty pair of flip-flops. The bad news: they're not as cool as I was hoping, don't auto-lace, and are limited to 1,500 pairs total which will only be sold on eBay (150 pairs/day through September 18th) and already passing $5,000/pair. The good news: all net proceeds will go to the Michael J. Fox Foundation to fight Parkinson's, and all donations to the foundation through the end of the year will be matched (up to $50 million) by Sergey Brin and Anne Wojcicki. Now that -- that's cool.
The Air Mag is the first rechargeable footwear from Nike were designed as an identical replica to the originals seen in the Back to the Future II movie. Some of the constant elements include the upper contours, the glowing LED panel and the electroluminescent Nike logo in the strap. The Nike Air Mag actually illuminates with the pinch of the "ear" of the high top, glowing for five hours per charge.
Not gonna lie, for the amount of money these things are going for you think they could've included the auto-lace feature. But who knows, maybe their sweat-shop manufacturing technology wasn't up to snuff. "Haha -- maybe THAT'S why you weren't invited to the event." What can I say -- I get bitter and burn bridges. Also: wastebaskets filled with printer paper. FIRE IN THE HOLE!
Hit the jump for a ton more pictures, a teaser video released yesterday, a long-ass commercial featuring one of the unfunny jackholes from SNL, Kevin Durant and Christopher Lloyd, as well as two others including a heartfelt message from Marty McFly himself.
Continue Reading " Nike's Back To The Future Shoes Are Here "
Sep 8 2011 Pokemon Character Evolution Themed Dranks
This is a series of drinks from the mixologist over at The Drunken Moogle based on three original Pokemon characters and their different evolved states. I'm serious, I'm not actually making this up -- I've made up a lot of things in my life, but this isn't one of them. Telling a girlfriend I'm pregnant just so she'll stay with me, absolutely. I probably should have done more research aside, this is a trio of drinks depicting Charmander's evolution to Charmeleon and then to Charizard.
A lot of thought and work has gone into these cocktails to insure that color was not the only similarity between the drink and what they represent. The Bulbasaur trio is plant based, so plant ingredients like mint, melon and lime were used. The Squirtle trio of drinks is based off of the classic "hurricane" cocktail. The Charmander trio is very fired themed, using Fireball cinnamon whiskey, scotch for a smoky aftertaste, and a touch of Bacardi 151 to light aflame.
I dunno, whenever I start drinking my beer evolves into bourbon, which -- given enough time to marinate and no dinner, usually evolves into me puking in my shoes on my walk home in the opposite direction. *hugging lightpole* Hey -- HEY -- sumbudy crall me a crab.
Hit the jump for shots of the Squirtle/Wartortle/Blastoise and Bulbasaur/Ivysaur/Venusaur cocktails, as well as the links to the ingredients lists/instructions at The Drunken Moogle.
Continue Reading " Pokemon Character Evolution Themed Dranks "
Sep 8 2011 Turn Your Grill's Gas Tank Into A LEGO Head
Want to turn your grill's propane tank ("I'M A CHARCOAL MAN, DAMMIT!") into a giant LEGO minifig head? Cool, there's an Instructable online about how to do it. Of course, if you can't figure out how to do it on your own you might want to reconsider ever undertaking any home improvement project ever. Kidding, this LEGO head thing is actually a pretty difficult process. Now: first thing you're gonna want to do is puncture the tank to remove all the gas....
Propane Bottle Lego Head [instructables]
via
Turn Your Propane Tank Into a Gigantic Lego Head [gizmodo]
Thanks to P. Thicke, who I can't tell whether he's using a fake name or real one. Either way it's funny though.
Sep 8 2011 Star Wars Voice Reel By Guy On Webcam
This is an impressive set (unlike that piece of shit Blu-Ray trilogy coming out amirite?!) of Youtuber Timeyodie performing the voices of 34 different characters from the Star Wars universe and making some of the funniest faces I've ever seen. Every time I wanted to slap him on the back to get him stuck like that he'd do an even better one just seconds later! That said, I thought a lot of his impersonations were spot on. Especially the one about looking exactly like how I'd imagine a guy who can perform 34 different Star Wars characters would. You f***ing nailed it, bro!
Hit the jump for almost 10-minutes of you are officially invited to every party I ever throw. Also, added list of characters in order so you can skip to who you want to hear IF YOU ARE SO INCLINED (his Anakin is money).
Sep 8 2011 'Capture The Can': First Person Shooter Style Paintball Match In Slow-Motion, One Take
If you haven't seen it already, this is a 2-minute video entitled 'Capture the Can', sent to me by the visual effects supervisor of the shoot. It featuring a multiplayer videogame style paintball match captured with a Phantom high-speed camera in a single, long take. If you're into paintball or video game mock-ups, it's definitely worth a watch. But if you're into the cookie jar even though your mom told you not to spoil your dinner, well, give me two and I won't tell I saw you.
Hit the jump for two minutes of slow-motion paint splatter (best watched in HD).
Sep 8 2011 Eensy-Weensy: A DOOM Fingernail Painting
This is a tiny scene from DOOM (which, after 17 years, was finally unbanned in Germany after "the potential to harm youth" was deemed negligible last week) painted on a fingernail. Presumably the thumb. Or is that a toe? Or -- OR -- were we all just trolled into staring at a painted penis at work? DUM-DUM-DUM!
DOOM Fingernail is Cool Video Game Nail Art on a Pretty Gnarly Finger [obviouswinner]
Thanks to khz, who got little pot leaves painted on all his nails once because he was high when he went in for his mani-pedi.
Sep 8 2011 That's Not Creepy: Photo-Realistic Face Pillows
Your boyfriend/girlfriend is out of town -- how are you supposed to sleep at night? Simple -- drop-dead drunk. That's how I do it anyway. But maybe you need a pillow with a photo of their face on the front. Hey, I'm not here to judge. Unless you were serious about needing a pillow with a photo of their face on it, in which case yes, yes I am. What are you, wearing her panties too? F***in' weirdo.
Upload a photo of yourself, a friend or a pet to make a puffy pillow head. We will make your custom pillow and ship it to you or your friend.
BOOM, it's as simple as that. $25 gets you one, including shipping. No word if they'll make one out of a picture of a person's privates, but I'm not sitting on my scanner butt-ass naked now for no reason! Or am I? I'm not (I need a pic to include with my resignation).
Hit the jump for several more examples and a link to the product page (where you can even buy other people's faces if your boyfriend is ugly!)
Continue Reading " That's Not Creepy: Photo-Realistic Face Pillows "
Sep 8 2011 Gumby Tries To Rob A 7-11, Fails Miserably
This is video surveillance footage of Gumby trying to rob a 7-11 convenience store in San Diego, California. Unfortunately for him, the clerk didn't take him seriously. And how could you? "Robbery, LOLOL! But seriously where's Pokey -- did you tie him to the pay-phone?"
San Diego police say surveillance tape shows a person dressed like Gumby telling a convenience store clerk he is being robbed, fumbling inside the costume as if to pull a gun, dropping 27 cents and leaving.
Detective Gary Hassen tells San Diego's 10News the clerk never heard of Gumby. He described the character as a green SpongeBob SquarePants.After being told it was a robbery, the clerk told the man in costume not to waste his time.
The clerk didn't report the encounter, but his boss called police after seeing the tape.
Ahahahaha, "a green SpongeBob SquarePants"! That's f***ing great. Admittedly, if a guy came into your store dressed as green SpongeBob, tells you its a robbery, then drops money on the ground and leaves with less than he came in with, was it really a crime or a cry for help before running a hose from their exhaust into their running car later that night? I've got my fingers crossed for the latter.
Hit the jump for a video of the sadness in progress.
Continue Reading " Gumby Tries To Rob A 7-11, Fails Miserably "
Sep 8 2011 VIRAL Marketing: Warner Bros. Grows Own Bacteria Billboards To Promote 'Contagion'
You know that movie (go read some IWatchStuff, shit!) 'Contagion' coming out tomorrow that I'm not gonna see and will forever make it impossible to Google 'contagion' without getting a bunch of movie information first? Well to promote it, Warner Bros. Canada created this "living" billboard by carefully inoculating a giant rectangular petri dish with different bacteria and mold to produce a sign that reads, you guessed it!: CONTAGION. Admittedly, it's kind of clever. Gross, but clever. Would I still take a bite of it? Not for less than a dollar.
Hit the jump for a worthwhile video of the I think there was some of that on my toast this morning in action.
Sep 8 2011 Mmmm, Get 'Em While They're Hot (And Steamy): .XXX Domain Registry Begins
Note: Picture unrelated but relevant to interests.
So the registration of .xxx website domain names has begun with the initial rollout allowing celebrities and other existing websites to lay claim to the .xxx version of their name/site so smut peddlers can't later claim them as their own later. *pre-registers geekologiewritermanlove.xxx*
Brands [and celebrities] can now request to have their name blocked from use with the new suffix, which goes live next year.
Companies and individuals that do not want their name associated with pornography will be able to pay a one-off fee of between $150 and $300 (£100 to £200), depending on which company they register their domain with.For example, UK adult star Teresa May might wish to bid for a .xxx domain, whereas UK home secretary Theresa May might consider protecting her name.
Existing adult entertainment sites can also submit their application to reserve a spot on .xxx
Meh, I was considering registering my adult site as an .xxx but I don't like being labeled, you know? "Dude -- but it's literally ALL wiener pics." Haha, did you check out the '@ the urinal' section? I had a camera installed in my eyeball.
.XXX web domain registration begins [bbcnews]
Thanks to Pells G, who just informed me that with a clever Google search you can find naked pictures of people on the internet. Get out!
Sep 7 2011 Beamer Blasters: BMW's Laser Headlights
Lasers: they can blind you. But that's not all, they can also do other things. Perform in laser light shows? Check. Drive a cat wild? BIG CHECK. Be pointed at things during a presentation? Yeaaaah buddy! Replace traditional (tungsten-halogen) and modern (Xenon/LED) headlights in cars? I'LL ALLOW IT.
At a mere ten microns in size, laser diodes are potentially a hundred times smaller than LED diodes. Lasers can also be upwards of 1,000 times brighter (and even purer white), which is just what you want flashing through your rear-view mirror at night. And if you're not sold yet, at 170 lumens per watt, lasers are nearly twice as efficient as LEDs, which will likely save you pennies every time you fill up your tank.
This is all well and good, but it seems like the real advantage of laser headlights is that lasers can be used to create highly directional beams of light. This means more light on the road where you need it, and less light blinding whatever poor sap is trying to drive past you. BMW suggests that "it will also be possible to use laser lighting to implement completely new functions..."
Hell yeah, "implement completely new functions"! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If it's "project playable video games on the road in front of you", it is! Plus -- PLUS -- weaponized high-beams. Oh you just cut me off? No worries, I'm just gonna CUT YOUR F***ING CAR IN HALF! "Sounds like you've got road-rage." No way José, I drive on the sidewalk.
BMW developing laser headlights [dvice]
Thanks to Tim, who agrees if it ain't broke, don't fix it you should probably still hit it with a hammer a couple times because, who knows, maybe it'll start working even better.
Sep 7 2011 Aaah, There's Wieners Everywhere!: Someone Drew A Peen On A Google Street View Camera
Some peen-loving jokester (God, aren't we all?) in Victoria, Australia managed to draw a really crappy looking wiener on one of the camera lenses of a Google Street View car. As far as wieners go, it's not a very good one. On a scale from 1 to 10 it's like a 2 (is that...supposed to be a penis?) Still, you can cruise around on Street View and see it all over the place, the best shot of which I screencapped HERE because I have the brain of a 13-year old. Get it? I make my little brother come up with all my material! Hey little bro, I need something clever to say about this Google Street peen -- what you got for me? "Promise to type whatever I tell you?"
Come on -- you know how much I hate thinking, of course I will. I'm a pecker, I eat my own boogers!
Google Street View
via
Someone Drew A Penis On The Google Maps Street View Camera [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Aaron, who agrees a penis worth drawing is worth drawing right.
Sep 7 2011 Yes, This is An ACTUAL Photograph Of Saturn
Note: Full res-version HERE because your desktop is itching for a new background. Ooooooooooor has porn fleas.
This is AN ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPH of Saturn taken from the Cassini spacecraft that's been orbiting the gas giant for the last seven years. Hard to believe, I know, but I just called NASA and they verified its authenticity. Granted they hung up on me when I started probing(!) about the aliens that live on the dark side of the moon, so it's hard to say for sure.
The robotic Cassini spacecraft now orbiting Saturn drifted in giant planet's shadow for about 12 hours in 2006 and looked back toward the eclipsed Sun. Cassini saw a view unlike any other. First, the night side of Saturn is seen to be partly lit by light reflected from its own majestic ring system. Next, the rings themselves appear dark when silhouetted against Saturn, but quite bright when viewed away from Saturn, slightly scattering sunlight, in this exaggerated color image. Saturn's rings light up so much that new rings were discovered, although they are hard to see in the image. Seen in spectacular detail, however, is Saturn's E ring, the ring created by the newly discovered ice-fountains of the moon Enceladus and the outermost ring visible above. Far in the distance, at the left, just above the bright main rings, is the almost ignorable pale blue dot of Earth.
Still hard to believe it's real, isn't it? Hey, I'm right here with you. I mean, in spirit. And let me tell you: even in spirit your B.O. is kickin', son! It's called deodorant bro, it comes in sticks and sprays. "What about roll-on?" Okay now roll-on is only for the ladies.
Astronomy Picture of the Day, In the Shadow of Saturn [nasa]
Thanks to bb, who claims she's roller-skated around Saturn's rings like a ladybug around a shirt button. OMG THE IMAGERY!
Sep 7 2011 'Invisibility Shield' Could Turn Tanks Into Cows
Take a gander at the picture -- any clue what you're looking at? Me neither, I thought it was the original Fallout beta or something. "I see an alligator eating a child." Okaaaaaaay, now I see a psychiatric evaluation. But apparently there's a tank in there somewhere. The only thing is it's wearing an invisibility cloak. Kind of like I use to infiltrate the women's locker room. "GW? That's not an invisibility cloak -- that's a wig and a dress." Shhhhhhhhh, you'll blow my cover. "Blow your cover? You have a full-blown beard -- at least f***ing shave!" No way, you know how long it took me to grow this thing?!
The patented system -- called Adaptiv -- uses a matrix of hexagonal "pixels" that can change their temperature very rapidly. On-board cameras sweep the area to pick up the background scenery and display that infra-red signature on the vehicle.
This allows even moving tanks to be effectively invisible in the infra-red spectrum, or mimic other objects. "The tank skin essentially becomes a big infra red TV," BAE Head of External Communications Mike Sweeney[!!!!!!!11] told Wired.co.uk. "You can display anything you want on it -- including a cow -- while the rest of the vehicle blends into the background."The current system works in the infra-red spectrum, which could hide vehicles from heat-seeking missiles, drones and heat-sensitive goggles.
That's actually pretty clever. Still, nothing is clever enough until we have optical invisibility shields, which is exactly why I've captured the Invisible Woman and am gonna inject her with this truth serum to find out how they work. *flicking syringe* "You do know she escaped the last time you opened the door, right?" Wait -- WHAT?! *trips, stabs self in chest* I...still sleep with my blankey. "LOLWUT?!" I want to kiss a man before I die.
Short but very worthwhile video of the technology in action after the jump.
Continue Reading " 'Invisibility Shield' Could Turn Tanks Into Cows "
Sep 7 2011 Doc Brown Electronics Commercial In Entirety
WARNING: Video will make you think less of Doc Brown.
This is the followup to the previously posted Back to the Future themed teaser ad (because commercials can have teasers now) for electronics store Garbarino in Angentina. Except this one is longer. And, despite a relatively okay concept, is pretty sad. Dammit Doc -- WTF do you think you're doing?! "Just trying to make a buck." Just trying to make a buck -- go back to the future and steal a Sports Alamanac, shit! "It's unethical." No, ruining my perception of the great Dr. Emmet Brown, INVENTOR OF THE FLUX F***IN' CAPACITOR is what's unethical! Back me up, Marty. "Wait a minute, Doc, are you trying to tell me that my mother has got the hots for me?" Jesus, not this again.
Hit the jump for the say it ain't so, plus bonus fake press conference that's even worse :/
Continue Reading " Doc Brown Electronics Commercial In Entirety "
Sep 7 2011 The Playstation 360: An Xbox And Playstation Together In One Much Less Attractive Box
This is a Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 smashed together in the same computer case. I'm not sure exactly why you'd do that, but I am sure if you ever accidentally dropped a blanket on it you'd start a house fire. Pork chop sandwiches!
Reddit reader Timofiend solved his problem of having to manage multiple consoles by popping them into a single PC case. For now, both consoles can run simultaneously, and he hasn't had any problems. He decided not to use liquid cooling because of the cost, but I think that he'll eventually need it because those consoles tend to generate a lot of heat.
Okay so he didn't liquid cool them, effectively negating any functionality of the case mod. But that's not the point. The point is, at least he did something. I don't care if you put a Playstation in a lunchbox, at least you did it. You conceptualized a project, got all the necessary materials, and put in the time and effort to complete it. And THAT, dear reader, is what employers are looking for. I kid, I kid -- cheap labor or GTFO.
Hit the jump for a closeup and a peek inside.
Sep 7 2011 Gamestop Worker Fired For Planking In Store
Planking: it's stupid and you look like a sped doing it. On a scale from 1 to 10 of fads it could never IN ITS WILDEST F***ING DREAMS come close to a slap-bracelet. And a 4-year store supervisor at Gamestop found that out the hard way after getting fired for planking on the clock and tweeting the photos. Personally, I would've opted for a quick game of pogs in the back, but that's just me AND I KNOW WHAT COOL IS.
Because he was planking while in a supervisory position, combined with the Twitter posts, his termination is considered gross negligence. Mazzocchi was a Senior Game Advisor, and had been working at Gamestop since 2007.
At first this may seem like an overreaction, Gamestop is considering not only their own reputation but the safety of its employees in this matter. Mazzocchi was putting himself in potential danger both on company property and while on the clock. By posting the images to Twitter, he essential nailed his own coffin. Gamestop is notorious for monitoring its employees actions on the web, and this is not the first time a company has used evidence from social networking sites like Twitter as grounds for termination.
Hit the jump for another shot of Macaroni planking on the register counter while looking suspiciously like Justin Bieber (who's right up there on my list of things that shouldn't exist). The lesson here? If you're ever thinking about planking, try waterboarding first. Now that's where the real fun's at!
Another shot and a picture of the denied unemployment benefits notice.
Continue Reading " Gamestop Worker Fired For Planking In Store "
Sep 7 2011 You Can Even See The Tire Tracks!: NASA's High-Res Pictures The Apollo Landing Sites
Note: The high-res versions of the landing sites are HERE (Apollo 12), HERE (Apollo 14) and HERE (Apollo 17).
You know how your grandma is still convinced the moon landing never happened and it was all faked by Hollywood? She's a smart lady, I can see where you get it from. This is a series of high-res photos from NASA showing the Apollo 12, 14 and 17 landing sites and the imprints left by humanity there. Granted they were all faked in the Photoshop building at Area 54, but they're still fun to look at. So yeah, if you don't like them you should probably consider take a long walk off a short pier into the sea. "Of Tranquility?!" Dude -- you should f***ing blog.
Hit the jump for a couple videos because videos are worth a thousand pictures or something. At least a hundred.
Sep 6 2011 Ah Yes, The Ol' Turing Test: Cleverbot Passes For Human Almost As Well As Actual Humans
According to a recent experiment conducted at the Techfetish Techniche festival in India, Cleverbot is getting increasingly well at convincing people it's actually human. Probably because it makes zero f***ing sense to talk to, which is what we've come to expect from people on the internet.
Proposed by British computer scientist Alan Turing in the 1950s, the [Turing] test states that if a human talking to a machine believes the machine is human, it passes.
...Thirty volunteers conducted a typed 4-minute conversation with an unknown entity. Half of the volunteers spoke to humans while the rest chatted with Cleverbot. All the conversations were displayed on large screens for an audience to see.Both the participants and the audience then rated the humanness of all the responses, with Cleverbot voted 59.3 per cent human, while the humans themselves were rated just 63.3 per cent human. A total of 1334 votes were cast - many more than in any previous Turing test, says Cleverbot's developer and AI specialist Rollo Carpenter.
Admittedly, I was doing some research by talking to Cleverbot earlier and let me tell you: I don't know how it could fool anyone. Imagine the most inept person you've ever talked to online, quadruple that, dumb down the grammar, and throw in the worst case of ADD ever diagnosed. That's pretty much Cleverbot in a nutshell. Also: yours truly. BEEP BOOP PIZZA.
Software tricks people into thinking it is human [newscientist]
or
Go talk to Cleverbot yourself
Thanks to Denise, who's convinced people are sounding more and more like robots than robots are of people. Oh that's deep.
Sep 6 2011 Zelda Theme Played On Xylophone
Okay it's not actually a xylophone, it's a marimba, which is like a xylophone, but without all the crazy spelling. The first video is the main Zelda theme, but there are a couple other ditties as well, including the Song of Storms, Gerudo Valley theme, Saria's Song and the Song of Time. Me? I just belted out Britney Spears' 'Lucky' in the shower as loud as I could not realizing my roommate had brought people over. WTF DEREK -- I NEVER BRING FRIENDS OVER UNANNOUNCED. "I know -- because you don't have any!" OMG I am so gonna kill you tonight.
Hit the jump and get your dink-ditty-dink, a-dinkity-dinky-doo, a-dink-dinky-do, a-dinky-dinky-do, a-dink-da-da-dink-da-da-dink on.
Sep 6 2011 Canine Cosplay: Pet Dinosaur Dog Costumes
Dinosaurs: everybody in their right mind wants one for a pet. But can we have them? Noooooooooooo, scientists are all, "f*** your dreams -- we don't care about you! We're too busy making money for pharmaceutical companies by developing drugs that cure one thing and give you six others." Enter this series of dinosaur pet costumes from Animal Planet, probably the closest you'll ever come to watching a real pet dino run around your house eating cats. Ooooooor licking its own butthole and then trying to give you a kiss. DAMMIT CHLOE, NO -- I SAW WHERE THAT TONGUE JUST WAS! And for the record, yes, it did make me love you a little less.
Hit the jump for a worthwhile triceratops dog hat and turtle costume.
Continue Reading " Canine Cosplay: Pet Dinosaur Dog Costumes "
Sep 6 2011 Ninja Praying Mantis Battling A Guy's Thumb
This is a video of a praying mantis (Idolomantis Diabolica -- the Devil's Flower Mantis) showing off his ninja-ing skills on some dude's thumb. Honestly, I can't even believe this thing exists in real life. Of course I said the same thing about Double-Stuffed Oreos, and yet there they are, soaking at the bottom of my milk glass.
Hit the jump for the what you get when an insect LITERALLY pollinates a flower.
Continue Reading " Ninja Praying Mantis Battling A Guy's Thumb "
Sep 6 2011 George Lucas' Sandcrawler Office Building
This is a rendering of the currently-being-built LucasFilm regional headquarters building in Singapore, which looks like a giant Jawa Sandcrawler and NOT a giant piece of shit, which is what the Blu-Ray release of the original Star Wars trilogy is starting to look like.
Designed by Aedas, the Sandcrawler Building will house a 100 seat theatre, LucasFilm Singapore offices, a public podium and other employee spaces. Neither rusty nor slow moving in this case, the glassy and streamlined building will combine a high performance facade with lush gardens and foliage that spills over terraces, resulting in a highly efficient commercial space. With construction already underway, we can look forward to this real life Star Wars manifestation sometime in 2012.
Presumably, George will start pirating his own movies out of the building, then sue himself for copyright infringement as part of an elaborate 'get even richer' scheme. It will all backfire though when the Geekologie Writer mission impossibles his ass into the building and uncovers everything (read: forges a doodle of George banging a Gungan).
Hit the jump for several more shots of the screw you, George!
Continue Reading " George Lucas' Sandcrawler Office Building "
Sep 6 2011 Calling All Koopas: Mario Propaganda Posters
Note: Larger shots of each poster after the jump, high-res versions available at the artist's site.
This is a small series of Super Mario propaganda posters from Bowser's camp encouraging Mushroom Kingdomites to join his reptilian republic against his plumber enemies. Two f***ing plumbers! You have thousands of loyal (albeit dumb as question blocks) subjects and you can't even manage to kill two measly pipe-layers? That's some sad shit, Bow-Bow. Maybe you should, I dunno, give up on marrying the princess and settle down with a nice koopa troopa. "NEVER -- PEACH WILL BE MINE!!" Dude -- she doesn't even like you. That makes you a creeper. Have you ever considered pursuing Birdo? She got that crazy-ass mouth, I'm just sayin!
Hit the jump for closeups of each poster and a link to the artist's website with even higher-res versions and 11"x17" versions for sale ($30 apiece/$80 for all four).
Continue Reading " Calling All Koopas: Mario Propaganda Posters "
Sep 6 2011 Giant F***ing Crocodile Captured In Philippines
Note: Slightly larger picture HERE, short video after the jump.
Seen here looking suspiciously like the one that took Captain Hook's hand, a massive 21-foot, 2,370-pound crocodile poses with mayor Edwin Eldore (the dude in the undershirt, also: sweet LOTR name, bro) of Bunawan township, where the beast was captured alive. The plan is to make the monster the main attraction of a new animal park with the hope of boosting local tourism without the crocmonster escaping and eating everyone.
"It will be the biggest star of the park," Elorde said, adding that villagers were happy that they would be able to turn the dangerous crocodile "from a threat into an asset."
About 100 people had to pull the crocodile...from the creek to a clearing where a crane lifted it into a truck, he said.Despite the catch, villagers remain wary because several crocodiles still roam the outskirts of the farming town of about 37,000 people.
They have been told to avoid venturing into marshy areas alone at night, Elorde said.
AHAHAHHAHAHA @ "They have been told to avoid venturing into marshy areas alone at night." Yeah, I don't actually need to be told that. Get it? Nobody tells me what to do! Besides, I'm smart enough to know that if you're heading through the marsh at night to meet the voodoo lady, it's always best to bring a younger, slower sibling. It's called the buddy system folks, and it works.
Hit the jump for a short video of the crocpocalypse.
Continue Reading " Giant F***ing Crocodile Captured In Philippines "
Sep 6 2011 You Will Never Be A Powerglove!: Google's Recent 'See With Your Hand' Patent
Google was recently awarded a patent for this 'see with your hand' device, a glove with a fingertip camera/sensors that would allow you to 'see' what your fingers do (SPOILER: boogers) or control a computer with hand gestures. *flipping the bird, computer downloads virus*
"[W]hen a small object is lost, for example, underneath a couch, humans naturally put their hands under the couch to locate the lost object by touch," the filing says. "While gathering information by touch is in some cases an acceptable substitute for seeing, in many situations it may be desirable to 'see' the inaccessible environment to better gather information."
Sure you could use a Google Powerglove to retrieve lost Cheetos from under the couch, or -- OR -- you could use a flashlight and crouch down to look under there with your own two eyes. "YAAAAR -- RUDE THIS WRITER IS RUDE." Sorry -- or your own one eye if you're a pirate. Sweet hook, Captain Emotional.
Google patents a glove for 'seeing with your hand' [geekwire]
via
Google Patents Glove For "Seeing With Your Hand" [slashdot]
Thanks to Thaylor, who's praying this is NOT the future of p0rn.
Sep 5 2011 Guy Crafts Impressive Fallout Pip-Boy IRL
This is a video showcasing Youtube user MyMagicPudding's (JELLY GW IS JELLY ABOUT YOUR PUDDING) homemade Pip-Boy 3000 from the Fallout franchise made out of a smartphone and a bunch of other electronics. It's super impressive and all but 1. the lights at the bottom don't function as buttons and 2. it has so many wires and stuff hanging out the back it won't fit on an arm anymore. The first I could live without but the second -- that's a deal-breaker. I like your necklace. That? That was an icebreaker. *block, uppercut, pile-drive* C-C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Hit the jump for a video demo.
Continue Reading " Guy Crafts Impressive Fallout Pip-Boy IRL "
Sep 5 2011 Labor No More: Ex Lab-Chimps See Daylight For First Time In Lives (And Some Are 30)
This is a video of a group of ex-laboratory chimpanzees seeing daylight for the first time in their lives (for some, others since the capture from their mothers soon after birth) and most are over 20. Obviously, they're f***ing ecstatic to no longer be working (Labor Day tie-in!). Did I mention I cried manly tears? I hope I didn't. And if I did it's only because I'm chopping onions for chili-cheese dogs.
Hit the jump for 2-minutes of blurred vision.
Sep 5 2011 HAAAAAAAAAPPY LABOR-DABOR DAY!!
Happy Labor Day everyone, a holiday celebrated by doing the exact opposite of what is was named for. Kind of like how my friends always celebrate my birthday by all going out without me. I'm going to kill them. Anyways, I hope everybody's enjoying the long weekend and for those of you who didn't get today off because your company is a dickbag (or you're a fireman), I hope you're at least doing less work than you would on say, a Friday afternoon. I'll be here posting sporadically between bouts of Labor Day sales (my mom's taking me back-to-school shopping!), so you're at least not the only ones working. Working, LOLOL! *ends dictation, lights cigar* It's a hard life, but someb-- *intercom crackle* "GW? Don Draper's here to see you." Listen Suzy -- you tell Mr. Handsomepants I'm not in unless he came bearing booze.
Sep 4 2011 Sweet LED (Light Emitting Dinosaur) Drawings
This is a series of (mostly) dinosaur LED drawings by artist Darren Pearson. Obviously Darren has a superhuman sense of spatial awareness because one time at a rave I tried swinging two glowsticks around on shoe strings and ended up putting some dude's eye out and strangling myself. Then I chewed on one until it accidentally started leaking and my mouth was glowing. The girls weren't impressed and said my breath smelled like cancer. Plus my heart felt like it was constantly going to explode and I unknowingly sat in a puddle of spilled beer (probably urine) for a half hour (and with my good pleather pants on!). Later when I was in the bathroom reminding myself just what a giant piece of shit I am in the mirror, my friend chipped a tooth and just laughed and flicked the broken piece down the drain. That -- that's when I knew it was gonna be a bad night.
Tomorrow's Labor Dabor Day but I'll be around for at least a couple articles because idle hands are a masturbator's playground or something.
Hit the jump for nine more plus a video of Darren explaining how he makes them which, SURPRISE!, involves LED's and a long camera exposure.
Continue Reading " Sweet LED (Light Emitting Dinosaur) Drawings "
Sep 4 2011 Gamer's Foot: Portal And Minecraft Socks
Gamer's foot, get it? Like athlete's foot. I can't take credit for coming up with that though because it's awful and I don't wanna be associated with it. These are Portal and Minecraft socks. The Portal ones cost $10/pair from J!NX and the Minecraft ones in a 3-pair boxed set for $40. Me? I steal other people's out of the dryers in my apartment building. "Those are panties." You sure? I thought they were fancy socks.
Portal Socks Product Site
and
Minecraft Socks Product Site
via
Official Portal Socks Are Awesome, Not For Long Falls [kotaku]
Thanks to blaqk_panda, K. Stewart and PEZ, who don't wear socks because they like the way their shoes start to smell when they don't. Okay ya'll nasty.
Sep 2 2011 Superpowers!: Doctors Who Work w/ X-Rays Developing Defense ON A CELLULAR LEVEL
And the dentist always thought I was crazy for yanking the lead vest off at the last second before an x-ray. I'll show him -- with my radiation-shooting peen! "You're...dribbling pee down your leg." You just wait. *straining* Okay I think I might be dehydrated.
Doctors whose bodies are regularly exposed to x-rays may be adapting at the cellular level to protect themselves against radiation, according to a new study. The research hints that humans could adapt to withstand radiation exposure.
In a small study, interventional cardiologists, who perform heart operations using catheters guided by x-rays, had higher levels of hydrogen peroxide in their blood, which indicates potentially harmful changes. But they also had higher levels of an antioxidant that protects against cell damage, and their white blood cells had more of an enzyme involved in programmed cell death.Researchers in Italy believe the hydrogen peroxide indicates the radiation causes harm, and that this induces a protective response -- the antioxidant, called glutathione, protects cells, and the enzyme that induces apoptosis could reflect the body's way of killing off cells that have been damaged by radiation.
Sure you could semi-systematically expose yourself to radiation to build up a defense, or -- OR -- you could just use Rad-X and RadAway. Sorry, I'm playing Fallout 3 (for the first time). But seriously, remind me to ride the x-ray machine the next time I'm at the dentist for a nitrous tank filling. Also, what's the ruling on high-voltage power lines? "You probably grew up under them." Haha -- I did!
Doctors Who Work With X-Rays May Be Adapting at the Cellular Level to Withstand Radiation [popsci]
Thanks to lil pazzo, who's actually MORE than just a lil crazy and keeps jumping off the arm of my sofa with his shoes on.
Sep 2 2011 A Smartphone App That Lets You Rent Your Bathroom To Strangers And Make A Buck
The bathroom: it's a sacred place. If our body are temples, then the bathroom is like a janitor's closet: stocked with everything you need to keep it clean and take out the trash. Public restrooms? Those are a whole different story. Those are awful places where you hover over the toilet seat so you don't catch smallpox and listen to men fart loudly in the stalls next to you. No lie -- one time on a long layover I rented a room in the airport hotel just so I could use the restroom in peace. That was a $220 deuce AND I'D DO IT AGAIN. Anyway, CLOO -- a smartphone app for city dwellers that allows you to rent out your bathroom to people while you're home so they don't shit their pants on the subway. Or...something (read: do drugs and masturbate).
How many public bathrooms are there in your city? Answer: As many as you want. For the cost of a latte, CLOO' turns residential bathrooms into bathrooms that you, your friends or friends of friends can use, making city living easier.
I'm sure this will work great for some people, but, I dunno, I'm more private. I don't even like my friends (GW has friends, LOLOL!) using my bathroom, I sure as hell don't want their friends using it. I can see it now:
"Hey Aubrey, remember your friend Lisa that I was telling you I was kinda into?"
"Yeah -- what about her?"
"Well she CLOO'd my bathroom and didn't flush."
"No she didn't!"
"She did -- but I never flush either! I think I'm in love."
*vomiting*
END SCENE
Hit the jump for a video tutorial about stinking up people's bathrooms.
Continue Reading " A Smartphone App That Lets You Rent Your Bathroom To Strangers And Make A Buck "
Sep 2 2011 Human Space Debris: It's A Serious Problemo
Because humankind is notorious for its short-sightedness (moles too), we've shot so much shit into orbit that it's all starting to crash into each other and, soon, you won't even be able to shake a stick at heaven without hitting some broken-off piece of a satellite. Wonderful.
The situation we're in now is called the Kessler Syndrome, a term named after Kessler, in which the amount of debris has reached a critical threshold. There is now enough orbital debris that collisions will cause a continual cascade, with each adding to the total amount of debris and increasing the chances of further collisions, according to several studies, Kessler said.
"Even if we add nothing else to orbit, the amount of debris could continue to increase as a result of random collisions between fairly large objects," Kessler said. "You'd generate debris faster than the natural decay process could return it."
Great, so now I won't even be able to blast off without a piece of junk flying through my windshield vacuumshield and killing me. And I didn't even make to the moon! Basically, my whole bucket list is f***ed now.
Space Junk Problem Is More Threatening Than Ever, Report Warns [foxnews]
Thanks to postmortal, who may or may yes be an angel.
Sep 2 2011 $2M In Sports Cars Impounded After 2 Fast 'N Furious Canadians Street Race To Dinner
Police in Vancouver, British Columbia impounded 13 exotic sports cars after their drivers decided to race them to dinner on the highway at speeds in excess of 120MPH. No word on what restaurant they were going to, but that shit must be f***in' goooooooood.
What the racers, who police said are all under age 21, won't get is harsh punishment.
"Each driver will be charged with Driving without Reasonable Consideration and receive a violation ticket with a specified penalty of $196. Additionally, these drivers will be responsible for all associated towing and storage charges," according to the RCMP press release.That's because police didn't actually catch them in the act and acted only on witness accounts. They weren't caught on radar, video or seen by a police officer, Superintendent Norm Gaumont, RCMP officer in charge of traffic enforcement for the Lower Mainland, told the Surrey Now newspaper. The cars:
2007 Ferrari 599
2010 Lamborghini Gallardo
2010 Lamborghini Gallardo
2009 Lamborghini Gallardo
2009 Audi R8
2012 Nissan GT-R
2010 Nissan GT-R
2010 Nissan GT-R
2010 Maserati Turismo
2010 Maserati Turismo
2011 Mercedes SL63
2011 Mercedes SLS
2005 Aston Martin DB9
Whoa whoa whoa -- THEY WERE ALL UNDER 21?! God I hate rich, spoiling parents. You know why? Because they raise dickweeds. Me? I'm a vaginaflower. Like something straight out of a Georgia O'Keefe painting. Still, I can't help but feel bad for the kids driving the 2010 GT-R's. I mean come on, those things are only worth like $70K now. HAHA -- YOUR PARENTS ARE POOR AND DON'T LOVE YOU! Kidding, KIDDING (but only about the poor part).
Police grab $2 million worth of cars after Canadian street race [cnn]
Thanks to comfort eagle, always so relaxing to watch soaring high, high up in the sky.
Sep 2 2011 Haha, Clever!: CoD Black Ops Box Art Cosplay
Don't get me wrong, I love some painstakingly realistic character cosplay, but the clever costumes -- they're the ones that really get me. Spotted by Agent M at Fan Expo Canada, this is a dude dressed as the XBox 360 version of Call of Doodles: Black Ops. Obviously, he nailed me. It. He nailed IT.
Cosplay Corner [geeks.thedailywh.at]
Thanks to Erin, who, for the third or fourth tip from a female in a row, officially makes this Lady's Night on Geekologie. 2-for-1 drink specials for double X chromosomes!
Sep 2 2011 'Grinding The Crack': Insane Wingsuit Flight
We've seen other wingsuit flights here on Geekologie, but this is by far my favorite. The real-life batman's name is Jeb Corliss (and possibly soon to be Lifeliss), and he hits a staggering 122MPH in the video plus pops some f***ing balloons like 10-feet off the ground. The video's called 'Grinding the Crack', because of the Swiss gorge he flies through. And speaking of grinding crack -- been there, done that, dude was all, "chill bro, I ain't gay".
Hit the jump for the video (balloon pop starts at 1:30 but it's all worthwhile -- watch in HD), as well as another one of Jeb much more casually flying the crack, and a 'best of' video.
Continue Reading " 'Grinding The Crack': Insane Wingsuit Flight "
Sep 2 2011 Functional Old-Timey Neo-Victorian Cell Phone
I have no idea what Neo-Victorian means but if it's anything Neo-Nazism THEN I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT. This is a fully functional old-timey cell phone assembled from what used to be a poorly named Sagem X-5m. Now? Now it's like a vocal-callgulator or something. I dunno, I've always been a really crappy namer. Shit, I used to have a beta fish named Macaroni. "What about your turtle?" Haha, Bear? Man was he slow.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots (all in one pic!) and a link to dude's steampunky Etsy shop where the phone's for sale ($350).
Continue Reading " Functional Old-Timey Neo-Victorian Cell Phone "
Sep 2 2011 Uh-Oh, Vampiring Works: Old Mice Injected With Young Mice Blood 'Rejuvinated'
Damn bro those fangs are GREEN -- it's called Crest, it comes in a tube.
Because science has basically devolved into trying ANYTHING, researchers at Stanford University have discovered that injecting old mice with the blood of young mice has a rejuvenating effect on the old-timers' brains. Plus -- PLUS -- also works in reverse. *injecting roommate with Hi-C*
The study found that when blood from a young mouse was injected into an older mouse, that older mouse enjoyed what could almost be termed a "rejuvenation effect": it began producing more neurons, firing more activity across synapses, and even suffered less inflammation.
Interestingly, performing the reverse, in which a young mouse was injected with blood (or, more accurately, plasma, which is the parts of blood without blood cells), resulted in young mice with distinctly elderly attributes--increased inflammation, a reduction in the production of new neurons, that kind of thing.
Whatever you do, don't tell the Twihards. No lie -- I actually have a friend that has fang-wounds tattooed on her neck above "Edward was here". And by friend I mean acquaintance. And by acquaintance I mean I did lie and make that up but if you think there's not a girl reading this that's gonna get it done this weekend then you've got another thing cullen. Get it? Cullen -- like Edward Cullen! *bites bullet*
Study Finds That Injecting Old Mice With Young Mouse Blood Has a Rejuvenating Effect [popsci]
Thanks to Thaylor, who tried injecting a carton of spoiled milk with fresh milk but it was still chunky when he drank it. Damn.
Sep 1 2011 What It Looks Like Getting Shot At w/ An AK-47
This is a video of some guy shooting at his boss with an AK-47 to demonstrate the structural integrity of the bulletproof glass their company sells. It's...pretty sketchy. I'm not sure what would've happened if he'd kept firing instead of only putting three bullets in the glass, but my guess is go to prison for murder and lose his b's V card (he's not a very tough lookin' dude). Don't get me wrong, it's cool to see someone stand behind their product and all (figuratively AND literally!), but I don't care what the f*** I'm selling, I'm not putting my personal safety on the line for it. That said, I wouldn't hesitate to put a friend's life in jeopardy for single sale. No, not even a sale -- just a lead.
Hit the jump for the oh come on, AK's have more bullets than that!
Continue Reading " What It Looks Like Getting Shot At w/ An AK-47 "
Sep 1 2011 Damn Outerspace, You Brootiful: Time-Lapse Hubble Telescope Videos Of Stellar Jets
This is a series of time-lapse videos created by stitching together 14-years of high-res Hubble Space Telescope images to show the movement of stellar jets from young stars over that period. What's a stellar jet? I'm partial to the SR-71 Blackbird! Fine, FINE -- some actual astronomy:
Herbig-Haro objects (HH) are small patches of nebulosity associated with newly born stars, and are formed when gas ejected by young stars collides with clouds of gas and dust nearby at speeds of several hundred kilometres per second.
HH objects are transient phenomena, lasting not more than a few thousand years. They can evolve visibly over quite short timescales as they move rapidly away from their parent star into the gas clouds in interstellar space (the interstellar medium or ISM). Hubble Space Telescope observations reveal complex evolution of HH objects over a few years, as parts of them fade while others brighten as they collide with clumpy material in the interstellar medium.
BOOYA -- you can officially add 'astronomer' to the list of things you lie about being to impress girls at the bar. But you know what the best one is? NOT saying you're the Geekologie Writer, I can tell you that right now. You'd be better off saying unemployed.
Hit the jump for a bunch of short videos.
Sep 1 2011 The Apple Juice: A Steve Jobs Infographic
Note: This isn't the whole thing, click HERE to see the whole kit and kaboodle in full-res.
This is an infographic made by Geekologie Reader Edwin Rahr for his company London Creative that's all about Steve 'The Apple Juice' Jobs. Now I know what many of you are thinking, "but who gives a shit about Steve Jobs?" And the answer, my friend, is take a look in a mirror. "GAAAAHH, WHO'S THAT BEHIND ME?" Haha -- the fanboy that's gonna stab you!
OR
Now I know what many of you are thinking, "but who gives a shit about Steve Jobs?" And the answer, my friend, is take a look in a mirror. Get it? A lot more people than care about the guy you're staring at! BU-BU-BU-BURN.
OR
Now I know what many of you are thinking, "but who gives a shit about Steve Jobs?" And the answer, my friend, is take a look in a mirror. Now turn off the lights, tie your shoes together and spin around three times repeating "Bloody Mary".
"Those were all bad." Oh I'm aware. *cutting deep with mirror shard*
Steve Jobs Infographic [londoncreative]
Thanks Edwin, let me know if you ever wanna make one about me and I'll provide you with some sweet-ass stories that I made up.
Sep 1 2011 WTF?!: Dominos Wants A Store On The Moon
Because people here on earth are pretty much tired of it, Dominos Pizza has announced they want to open a store on the moon. What the -- but the exchange rate for moon-bucks is astronomical! Astronomical, see what I did there? That's just one of many services I can provide. I'm also an unlicensed waxer.
The Japanese arm of Domino's Pizza was taking public relations to new heights Thursday with plans to build the first pizzeria on the moon, The (London) Daily Telegraph reported.
"We started thinking about this project last year, although we have not yet determined when the restaurant might open," spokesman Tomohide Matsunaga told the newspaper.The restaurant chain estimated that the cost of turning the stunt into reality would be about ¥1.67 trillion ($21.8 billion).
"In the future, we anticipate there will be many people living on the moon -- astronauts who are working there and, in the future, citizens of the moon," Matsunaga added.
Listen: anybody willing to travel 360,000-miles for a shitty pizza is outta their f***ing mind and ought to be shot directly into the sun instead. That said, I do regularly drive two and a half hours to hit my favorite burrito place. OMG -- their green sauce. I would like, seriously take a bullet to the chorizo for a single ramekin of that shit.
Domino's Announces 'Plans' to Build Pizza Parlor on the Moon [foxnews]
Thanks to Ferris (the tipster, not the wheel), who once drove all night to hit his favorite diner for a single piece of pie (and a coffee -- he drove all night!) and would do it again in a heartbeat.
Sep 1 2011 The Cookie Chart Of Girl Scout Cookie Sales
That's right folks, it's officially Girl Scout Cookie season! And you know what that means don't you? If you guessed, "The Geekologie Writer is gonna awkwardly approach a table of young girls outside the grocery store and ask 'how much for everything except for the shitty low-fat ones'" you do! And what better way to celebrate doubling my caloric intake and quadrupling my chances of developing adult-onset diabetes than this cookie (NOT pie) chart showing the sales breakdown of the various delectables? What's your favorite?! I'm a Tagalong and Samoa man myself. Gosh, I could seriously talk about cookies all day (but still eat them all day AND night). I've decided if I drowned in a vat of Samoa cookie dough at the Girl Scout Cookie factory it wouldn't be the worst way to go. Peppercorn ranch at the Hidden Valley plant either.
Which Girl Scout Cookies Score the Most Brownie Points? [wired]
Thanks to Julie, who only enjoys her Girl Scout Cookies in moderation. Moderation? Moderation is a word made up by the poor who can't afford a two-box a day habit!!
Sep 1 2011 Halo's Master Chief Gets The Cake Treatment
I'mma eat your face, Chief!
In other busty news (a wise boob man once told me, "you can never get enough bust"), this is a giant Master Chief cake created by Mike's Amazing Cakes. How the hell they managed to make such a gravity-defying cake is beyond me, but I suspect it involves being chockful of inedible wooden dowels and chicken wire. "Don't even say that -- Master Chief is ALL MAN." Haha -- somebody's got a crush! It's me, I'm in love with a duck at the pond. I bring him the crust from my sandwiches and in return he quacks and follows me around. It's kind of a Romeo and Juliet thing but even sweeter because he waddles.
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more including a shot of one convention-goer about to be put out of his misery.
Continue Reading " Halo's Master Chief Gets The Cake Treatment "
Sep 1 2011 Creepily Realistic Futurama Character Busts
DeviantARTist artanis-one created this series of real-life realistic (well, despite being all gray) Futurama busts because...actually, I don't know why. Why do people do anything? I'll tell you: because either 1. they think it's cool and are hoping other people will think it's cool, or 2. revenge. Art? Art is usually a 1. Cutting brake lines? That's a 2. What I'm doing on the toilet right now? A 1 -- despite the fact I'm sitting down. I'mma dainty lady!
Hit the jump to see Zoidberg, Farnsworth and Nibbler.
Continue Reading " Creepily Realistic Futurama Character Busts "
Sep 1 2011 R/C Plane With Pilot's POV Camera Controlled By Guy Wearing Gyroscopic Helmet w/ Monitor
You just have to watch it to appreciate it, but this is a video of an F-16 R/C plane with a little video camera mounted where the pilot's head would be that's flown by a person on the ground wearing a video helmet who can also move the camera around because the helmet has a gyroscopic tracker. LEGIT! *radio crackle* GEEKOLOGIE WRITER TO TOWER -- I'VE GOT A BOOGIE ON MY PINKY, OVER.
The camera transmit live the video to ground and I wear video goggle to fly the plane in real time like if I was in the cockpit. The camera replace the head of the pilot and the movement of the cam is control by the movement of my head on ground via a head mount gyroscope (head tracker)
Ahahahahhahahah! That is aweeeeeeesome. It's just like flying your own jet plane but without the constant harassment from that dick of a popsicle Iceman during training and losing your wingman Goose in a faulty ejection because you're reckless pilot.*beating on chest* YOU F***ING KILLED HIM, MAVERICK!
Hit the jump for the of course it's set to Kenny Loggins' 'Danger Zone'.