Planking: this guy wins it. I don't want to see another f***ing picture.
Idiot morons and manholes: they don't mix. According to 21-year old liar Jared Medeiros, he was attacked by gang members while walking home after drinking (BUT NOT DRUNK!) at 2AM, and they stole his wallet and threw his phone down a manhole. He then got stuck in said manhole for 40-minutes after going in to retrieve it. Unfortunately, something smells fishy. And no, not just because it's a "NO DUMPING: DRAINS TO OCEAN' storm drain either.
"I walked passed them and then one of them hit me from behind," said Medeiros, who said he was walking from his house in the neighborhood to his friend's up the street when four young men walked toward him throwing gang signs.
According to Medeiros, one of his attackers threw Medeiros' cell phone into the drain and Medeiros went to retrieve it to call 911 before he got stuck.
Medeiros never reached his phone and ended up getting stuck at the waist in the water-filled hole. Brianna Mooney, 16, who lives on the street, heard Medeiros screaming.
"His legs were sticking outward and he was kicking and screaming," said Mooney, who called her boyfriend.
First of all, how did no one hear the "fight" but were able to hear you screaming with half your body jammed in a man's hole? Secondly, why didn't they steal your phone too? Was it a Nokia brick phone? Because you can ignore this point if it was, EXCEPT THEN HOW DID IT FIT BETWEEN THE CRACKS?! Lastly, and most importantly, do gangs really pass people on the street "throwing gang signs"? Because that sounds like something a person that wasn't attacked by a gang would say. Also, "these cuts and bruises are from them and not from panicking the f*** out when I got stuck in a storm drain." I'm just sayin', Jared: there's no shame in admitting you wanted to play Ninja Turtles.
Hit the jump for the 'top story' video news report.
Man stuck in storm drain says he was attacked [news10]
Video: Man stuck in drain says gang members attacked him [policeone]
Thanks to karen, Boyd, the Flexilator (WTF?!) and Marc, who got trapped in a mall after hours playing mannequin but just slept in the beds at JC Penny's till morning. God, please tell me you broke into Auntie Anne's and made your own big pretzels.