Jun 30 2011 Cyclops Shark With Eye In Middle Of Face

Continue Reading " Augmented Reality Cinema: Watch The Movie Scenes That Were Shot Where You Are "

Jun 30 2011 Augmented Reality Cinema: Watch The Movie Scenes That Were Shot Where You Are

MORE: clotheslining tourists , i'm irritable -- i started my period today okay?! , movies , of course there's an app for that , oh great , phones , scene it! , smartphone , you stopped right in front of me!

Presumably using GPS location data, Augmented Reality Cinema is an upcoming smartphone app that allows a user to watch the scenes from a movie that were shot at their current location. And, God willing, get hit by a bus in the process. Because if there's one thing the world needs it's more tourists stopping dead in their tracks to watch a f***ing movie clip on their phone. Oh look, now they're taking a picture of grass.

Hit the jump for a short demo video.

MORE: animatronic , but does it feel real to the touch that's what's important , dinosaur pets , do want , expensive , rawr! , that thing would take up my entire apartment (and i would be cool with that)

Jun 30 2011 $350,000: A 20-Foot Animatronic Triceratops

Hammacher Schlemmer, purveyors of the finest everything you don't need, are selling a 20-foot animatronic Triceratops because, okay, I do actually f***ing need that. "RAWR!" *nipples harden into thumbtacks*

Featured at The Field Museum of Natural History, this is the motion-sensing, 20' long animatronic triceratops that responds to onlookers with lifelike reactions and fortissimo bellowing. Motion-activated cameras installed into each eye work in unison with customized interactive software that enables the Cretaceous creature to recognize multiple subjects' facial features. Once identified, subjects' tracked movements trigger a set of responses: it sways its tri-horned head right, left, up, and down, stomps and scuffs its right forelimb, and opens its jaws while growling--all powered by digitally controlled servos and silent, pneumatic air-activated cams. The rumbles that issue from a hidden 1,000-watt speaker are based on paleontological approximations of what sounds the original 67 million year-old saurian might have vocalized.

All that for only $350K?! They're practically giving it away. *Eying pillows I sewed together to look like a lumpy t-rex We've had some good times, P-Rex, but it's time I move on to bigger and better things. I will miss you. "Please stop dry-humping me, my stuffing's coming out." Oh come on -- for old times' sake? "No." HAVE YOU NO SENTIMENTALITY?!

Product Site

Thanks to Damian, who knows what I like and I like humping realistic looking dinosaurs.

MORE: but can we mark up ticket prices $3 for them? , call me when we have the feelies (and soma -- especially soma) , do not need , get the shtick out of your ass! , gimmick , i'm surprised it took so long , it was only a matter of time , movies , no no no , pass , schtick , theater

Jun 30 2011 The New 3-D: Kinetic Movie Theater Seating

You know what the problem with a lot of movies coming out is? THEY BLOW. They were poorly written, grossly over-marketed, and suck nards. Not because they aren't watched in seats that move. But has that stopped D-Box (D-Bag's cardboard older brother) from developing 'kinetic motion theater chairs' to jiggle your ass when there's an explosion on screen? Sadly, it did not. Per Roger Ebert, who was clearly paid off or owns a stake in the company:

D-BOX Motion Code [technology] uses motion effects specifically programmed for each film, TV series or video game, which are sent to a motion generating system integrated within either a platform or a seat. The resulting motion is perfectly synchronized with all onscreen action, creating an unmatched realistic immersive experience.

Great, so not only am I gonna be pissed the movie sucked, but I'm gonna leave with motion sickness. God, whatever happened to making movies that don't rely on 3-D or some other shticky bullshit to be enjoyable? I miss those days. If I had a time machine I'd go back to then and see Nirvana in concert.

Would you go to the movies for a 'kinetic theater chair'? [dvice]

Thanks to Lucius, who likes his movie seats how he likes his fancy paper: stationary. Also, who had a birthday last night so today's writing is all his fault. GOD, YOU JUST HAD TO GET OLDER.

Continue Reading " Best Special FX Demo Reel OF ALL TIME "

Jun 30 2011 Best Special FX Demo Reel OF ALL TIME

MORE: damn , good lookin' , hello -- industrial light and magic? , holy smokes , i am impress , i can't even believe it's not real , i must hire this man , i've seen it all now , lolwut?! , movies , skills (or the lack thereof) , special effects , were you rendering these on an old 486 or what? , wow

There are special effects, and then there are special effects by visual effects artist Martin Gamal. His special effects are so special their mom makes them wear a bike helmet at all times. "Jesus, even in the bathtub?!" Ha -- especially in the bathtub.

Hit the jump for 12:00 (!!!!11) of UFOs, explosions, dinosaurs and sadness.

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Jun 30 2011 Zombie Brains & Surviving The Apocalypse

MORE: apocalypse , brains! , cut off the head , informational graphic , it's only a matter of time , learning by looking , running for your life , tripping other people so they get eaten while you make your get away , zombies

This is an informational graphic based on the faults of the zombie brain and how to exploit them to survive the inevitable apocalypse. Apparently there's actual science behind it but that's debatable seeing how scientists don't even have a zombie's brain to study. Walt Disney's, yes, but it's not talking. It is drawing cartoons of little anthropomorphic mice though.

Science of Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse [pimsleurapproach]

Thanks to Justin, who actually made the chart and who I'll be cowering behind with a cyanide capsule under my tongue when the virus does break out.

Jun 30 2011 WANT: Top Secret Night-Vision Contacts

MORE: eye candy , eye poison , eyeballs , future tech , i'll believe it when i see it (it being my roommate masturbating in pitch black) , military , navy , night vision , questionable

So apparently somebody started a rumor that the Navy SEALs that stormed Osama Bin Laden's compound were rocking night-vision contact lenses. Personally, I don't believe it. And not just because I know who started the rumor, but I do and he's a dirty liar PLUS I'VE SEEN HIM EAT WET CAT FOOD ON A BET. Per speculation:

The blink powered night vision contact lenses allow a person to see clearly in low- light environments by enhancing ambient light up to 200 per cent. These lenses use plasma technologies to eliminate the cumbersome and expensive image-intensification tubes used in convention night-vision goggles. The advantages of using the contact lenses above night-vision goggles are 1) full peripheral vision, 2) more comfortable interface, 3) a more cost-effective system, and 4) less disorientation with use.

As a lot of people have pointed out, the problem with night-vision contacts is what happens when somebody turns the lights on: you go blind. Unless, of course, the make-believe lenses can auto-adjust instantaneously. *eyeroll* Aaaaaaaand I just blinked a contact out on the bathroom floor. "Dammit GW -- are you blogging from the can again?" What -- It was a rough night!

Hi-Tech Night Vision on bin Laden Raid [kitup]
via
Are soldiers testing night vision contact lenses? [slashgear]

Thanks to Drake, who wants to be reincarnated as a cat so he can ~~lick his own b-hole~~ see in the dark.

Continue Reading " Avatar Tattoo Guy, Now With #'s 9 & 10 (Plus Future Chestpiece And Neytiri Themed Truck!) "

Jun 30 2011 Avatar Tattoo Guy, Now With #'s 9 & 10 (Plus Future Chestpiece And Neytiri Themed Truck!)

MORE: are you doing these yourself in a mirror?! , avatar , blue kittehs , decisions decisions , fanboy , i like , i'm only on #3 myself , it might be time for a new artist , movies , obsession , tattoos , truck , you're sick and you need to get better

Note: Search 'avatar tattoo' in the sidebar to see the progression.

The last time we checked in with Iggy the Avatar superfan he was at tattoo # 8, but that was way back in 2010. Since then he's gotten #'s 9 and 10 (the faces flanking his shank-zones), planned # 11 (a giant fire-dragon or whatever the f*** great leonopteryx soaring atop his titties), and customized his Chevy truck with tons of Neytiri imagery. It's really a sight to behold. Especially if you're a big Avatar fan. Ooooooor really down on yourself for some of the decisions you've been making lately.

Hit the jump for more Neytiri than you could shake a sharpened stick at -- or would want to.

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Jun 29 2011 VW Is The Death Star To Our Alderaan: Greenpeace Spoofs Volkswagen Ad

MORE: carbon dioxide , commercial , dancing , europe , gas , getting in trouble , greenery , i wanna be dissolved in hydrochloric acid and have my body turned into carbon dioxide , spoof , star wars , sure why not , volkswagen , vw

After recently being named Europe's least green auto manufacturer (despite their new autopilot feature) and opposing new CO2 emission cuts, Volkswagen recently got their lil' Vader Superbowl commercial spoofed by Greenpeace in an effort to bring the company's Mother Nature hating ways to light (get it?! Like, not the dark side!). This is the result, in two parts. The first part is okay. The second part turns into a Star Wars dance party. And we all know how those end, don't we? "With a Wookie dry-humping an Ewok in a corner by the stage?" LOLWUT?! That sounds like one f*** of a Sadie Hawkins! "It was. They built up so much static electricity they set the entire gymnasium on fire." Mmmm, love the smell of burning hair at a dance.

Hit the jump for the vids, also IAM's 'l'empire du côté obscur', because it's the best Star Wars song ever made (in French, but I added a link to the translated lyrics so it's all good).

Continue Reading " VW Is The Death Star To Our Alderaan: Greenpeace Spoofs Volkswagen Ad "

Continue Reading " Slo-Motion Cymbal Crash Shot At 1,000 FPS "

Jun 29 2011 Slo-Motion Cymbal Crash Shot At 1,000 FPS

MORE: camera , cool , drums , hitting things , holy smokes , i'm not sure what they're advertising but i also don't care , inb4 did you touch my drumset , motion of the ocean , music , neato , noise , slow motion , things going slooooooooooooow

I'm pretty sure I knew cymbals actually had some motion to them when struck, but nothing like this. This is like...the motion of the ocean. My stomach wouldn't even move that much if you punched me as hard as you could. Yes, yes it would. No lie: I got into a fight in eighth grade and that shit's still moving. You throw a kid on my stomach with some water-wings and they'd swear they were in a wave pool. I'm fat and rolly, folks.

Hit the jump for the video, along with one of a puppy shaking, an oil drum getting pummeled with a sledgehammer, and a preview of a bunch more shot by the same people.

Jun 29 2011 Needs More Axe (The Blade, Not The Body Spray): A Scent-Producing Robotic Armpit

MORE: armpits , bad ideas , grody , i'd rather huff a dog's fart for ten seconds even if you count really slow , my dog loves smelling gross shit , nasty , not cool , robotics , smells , smells like ass , wtf were you thinking?! , you're sick and you need to get better

Seen here looking like the cross between an alien vagina and my monitor about to be covered in pre-chewed breakfast burrito, the robotic armpit designed by Kevin Grennan (who is clearly a sicko to the nth degree) shows off its first pubes. Why make a robotic armpit? GOOD F***ING QUESTION, KEVIN.

The idea behind it is that it can interact with humans using their sense of smell. So if this was installed on a bomb-sniffing robot, for example, it could emit the smell of human fear. A nice idea, but if I was hanging out with a robot that had just detected a bomb, I'd want something a little more obvious and clear, like an alarm...

The whole thing works by releasing a chemical called androstadienone, which is found in male sweat.

My armpits smell like chili-cheese hotdogs with onions and relish aside, you know what else is found in male sweat? Sperm. It's true, that's why my bedsheets glow under blacklight. *whistling*

This robotic armpit exists for some reason [dvice]

Thanks to Robbie, who has a female armpit fetish and said I could tell everyone provided I don't mention his last name. Benesh. JK JK! Erickson.

MORE: booze , don't stop till i pass out , dress , drinking , glug glug glug , i said ask me another one! , i will steal that thing right off your back i'm a ninja , interactive , playing games , quit playing games with my heaaaaaart , where'd that chick with the drink dispenser go?

Jun 29 2011 WTF: A Trivia-Asking, Drink Dispensing Dress

Seen here looking like something I'd kill in a video game, a woman displays the DareDroid 2.0, an interactive dress that rewards 'Truth or Dare' participants with cocktails for "legitimate" answers and poison for "illegitimate" ones. Fine, I was lying about the poison thing. That would make it way more interesting though. What?! I'm desensitized, I have a hard time getting kicks anymore!

Me: Truth or dare?
You: Dare.
Me: I dare you to tell me I wouldn't shoot you.
You: You wouldn't shoo-- *BLAM! BLAM BLAM BLAM!*
Me: Truth or dare?
You: Truth.
Me: Have you ever seen so much of your own blood before?
You: I only see white.
Me: Does it have a beard? That might be God. Truth or dare?
You: Dare.
Me: Dare you to see how long you can wait before going to the hospital.

Hit the jump for several more shots and an explanatory video.

Continue Reading " WTF: A Trivia-Asking, Drink Dispensing Dress "

Jun 29 2011 Coca-Cola's Iffy Pollution-Cleaning Billboard

MORE: advertising , big business , billboard , companies , earth , green technology , greenery , iffy , look at us we're earth friendly herpderp , marketing , mother nature , mother nature says it's gonna take a lot more than that , plastic , questionable , you can't trick an old tricker!

This is a Coke billboard in the Philippines touting the company's greenliness. How earth-friendly is Coke besides the billboard? I have no clue. Probably not very. Whenever I have to guess about something like this I always err on the side of "companies really don't give a shit and will only do enough to give the appearance that they do." Hey, I could be wrong though (except there's no way because a Mountain Dew rep actually told me that).

The 60 x 60 foot living billboard in Manila is made of thousands of Fukien tea plants surrounding the iconic curvy shape of a silver Coke bottle. The project with the CO2-eating plants was created in conjunction with Coca-Cola Philippines' Live Positively sustainability program.

Pots made from recycled bottles contain the 3,600 trees, which live off a mixture of organic fertilizers. Though they are currently in the first stages of growth, the plants are expected to grow quickly, completely taking over the billboard surface, absorbing a total of 46,800 pounds of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.

Who knows, maybe I'm just being cynical. Well -- what's your opinion? "It'd be cooler if that was ganja growing out of it." OMG -- so we could shoot flaming arrows at it and get high?! I WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING!

Coca-Cola Plant Billboard Absorbs Air Pollution [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to Pat, who agrees the best technology is green technology. Wait like earth-friendly, or alien?

Continue Reading " Sulfuric Acid Drain Cleaner Vs. Wet Sponge "

Jun 29 2011 Sulfuric Acid Drain Cleaner Vs. Wet Sponge

MORE: chemical reactions! , chemicals , dangerous , experimenting , experimenting in the butt , experimenting in the kitchen , good times , love that stuff , magic! , science! , sciene is fun! , there can be only one , who will win?

This is a battle between a sulfuric-acid based drain cleanser and a wet sponge. SPOILER: The sponge loses (although technically the acid is actually reacting with the water). I know you might be a fan of rooting for the underdog, but in this case the underdog gets its ass burnt off and handed to it. Reminds me of when I used to lock myself in my lab (read: bathroom) and mix random cleaners together in a bucket trying to invent a new, more powerful one. One time the smell alone made me pass out! That's when I knew I had something. "Had what -- the poison control hotline's 'Dumbf*** of the Month' award in the bag?" They sent me a magnet for the fridge and everything!

Hit the jump for the carnage.

Jun 29 2011 Unlimited Movie Theater Movies, $50/Month

MORE: business ideas , cheap , date night! , different strokes for different folks , excuses to eat candy , film , interesting , movies , movies are expensive yo , netflix , popcorn , saving money , sure why not , theater , throwing licked candy at the screen to try to get it to stick

Would you drop $50 a month to see as many movies in theaters as you wanted? MoviePass is hoping you will! Me? I don't like going to the movies. Something about sitting in the dark with a bunch of strangers makes me uneasy. I'm always afraid the person behind me is gonna stab me in the back with a dirty needle. That or talk the whole time.

Still in beta, MoviePass uses a web-based HTML 5 application to let users find the movie they'd like to see, and check with the theater. This allows them to skip the box office (or those e-tick machines) entirely, and go straight to the ticket-checker.

Users who sign up for the "unlimited" MoviePass can see an as many movies as they want for $50 a month. Imax and 3D movies will cost $3 extra per movie. And the company is currently preparing to launch a "limited pass," which allows subscribers four movies per month for $30.

Right now, only 21 San Francisco area theaters are on board. But the company plans to expand to other cities this summer, and hopes to have 40 percent of US theaters with their service by the time MoviePass goes national this fall.

Well -- would you go for it? Not gonna lie, I'm averaging about two movies a year so it's not for me. Unless -- UNLESS -- there's an all-you-can-eat concessions upgrade. Then I'd f***ing live there.

MoviePass: See unlimited movies in the theater for $50 a month [digitaltrends]

Thanks to Bear, who once ate four packs of Sour Patch Kid Watermelons during the previews and ran through the movie screen.

Continue Reading " Dial-Up Modem Noise Slowed Down 700% "

Jun 29 2011 Dial-Up Modem Noise Slowed Down 700%

MORE: aliens , creepy , i always hated that sound , i could sleep to that , mom stop picking up the phone i'm playing warcraft II with a friend!! , noise , noise pollution , relaxing , slow children playing , we're not alone

Ever wonder what an old 56k modem sounds like slowed down 700%? Jesus, you really need to stop wondering about such weird shit, you're scaring me. But, because curiosity killed the cat and I'm hoping it'll do the same to you, here it is anyway. It sounds like...the aliens are coming. Kind of relaxing and 'clench your butthole as tight as you can' at the same time. Like the steam-room at the gym, amirite guys?! I actually saw a dude's pecker last time. Theeeeeeeen he caught me looking. I winked to let him know I was bigger.

Hit the jump for the slow-mo cacophony.

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Jun 28 2011 Good Enough To Eat: Oreo Cream Cameos

MORE: *nonchalantly licking oreo at art gallery* , carving , cookies , faces , get in my milk! , good enough to eat , great now i want sandwich cookies , how in the? , impressive , om nom nom , oreos , playing with your food

This is a series of famous cameos carved from the cream in Oreos by artist Judith G. Klauser. Sure some might argue they're a waste of perfectly good Oreos, but I would eat them anyway. And that includes off the floor. "Dammit GW, you're nasty." I EAT MY GIRLFRIEND'S HAIR OFF THE WALLS OF THE SHOWER, SO WHAT?!

Judith's Website (with some even freakier stuff going on)
via
Food Art of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Margie, who once sharpened a stale Chips Ahoy into a shiv and stabbed Cookie Monster.

Bite me, hosebags! on Faceybooks and Tweeter

MORE: cable , electricity , energy , flushing money down the drain , green technology , i want my boobtube and i want it now! , i'm telling you it's a cable television/power company conspiracy! , television , that sounds like america alright! , waste not want not , wasted , wasting money , watching things

Jun 28 2011 Cable Box Suppliers Hate The Environment

The manufacturers of cable boxes/DVR's and cable companies hate the environment so much they don't care how much electricity their shittily designed garbage boxes waste. Or, let's be honest, how well they work. You know how many times I've missed Gossip Girl because their stupid crapbag didn't record it? Zero, I always catch it live. Still, it's really slow and it does piss me off.

These set-top boxes are energy hogs mostly because their drives, tuners and other components are generally running full tilt, or nearly so, 24 hours a day, even when not in active use.

Similar devices in some European countries, for example, can automatically go into standby mode when not in use, cutting power drawn by half. They can also go into an optional "deep sleep," which can reduce energy consumption by about 95 percent compared with when the machine is active.

Cable companies say customers will not tolerate the time it takes to reboot the system once the system has been shut down or put to sleep.

"The issue of having more efficient equipment is of interest to us," said Justin Venech, a spokesman for Time Warner Cable. But, he added, "when we purchase the equipment, functionality and cost are the primary considerations."

LOL @ "functionality and cost". How about JUST cost? God, even the search function is f***ing pathetic on my cable box. It's so bad I was trying to record Adult Swim and wound up with like 10 hours of gay porn. *poker face* You think my roommate will buy that? It's been an awkward three days.

Atop TV Sets, a Power Drain That Runs Nonstop [newyorktimes]

Thanks to neolardo, who still gets pissed at tonnadello for leaving his computers on overnight.

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Jun 28 2011 Learning Valuable Lessons: Why You Don't Ignite A Balloon Filled With Flammable Gas

MORE: balloon , boom , explosions i like explosions , fail , fire in your hole! , holy smokes , how are you gonna explain the burnt carpet to the landlord? , melting your face off , moron , wow didn't see that coming from a mile away , you...are an idiot

Because this is what happens. Plus you ruin a perfectly good backup condom. Or, in your case, balloon animal. "Whatever bro, I used to date a chick and one time we were getting so hot and heavy at Makeout Point we ended up using a Doritos bag." That...is not something I'd brag about. "What if I said it was a Pringles can?" Okay now you have my attention.

Hit the jump for the 'facial hair is overrated' in action.

Continue Reading " Learning Valuable Lessons: Why You Don't Ignite A Balloon Filled With Flammable Gas "

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Jun 28 2011 In Other Forever Alone News: A Tactile Vest That Allows Users To Feel Their Own Hugs

MORE: depressing , depression , did you...just mush your penis into my leg when we were hugging? , forever alone , hugging it out , i hate myself i don't want to hug me! , i like really breasty hugs myself , i've seen it all now , sadness , tears: i am crying them for you , wtf

The Sense-Roid is a mannequin fitted with sensors connected to a tactile feedback vest worn by a user. That way when you dry-hump the thing you receive the same sensations it does. Creepy as shit!

The system is composed of a lay figure with tactile sensors to detect the user's caressing motion, and a tactile jacket with vibrators and artificial muscles to reflect the caressing motion to the user. As a result, users caress themselves through our Sense-Roid. We believe that this self-caressing experience will enlighten people about the value of caressing.

God, whatever happened to crossing your arms around you chest and facing a bank of lockers so everyone thinks you're making out with someone else? I used to do that all the time in middle school. Unfortunately, in the meantime I've grown into a frigid-cold person and really don't wanna hug myself anymore. Get it? Because I might cut myself on a nip. I've got like permanent 9's on the Mohs hardness scale over here! *spit-polishing*

Hit the jump for two very sad videos. Watch the second shorter one for a dude who is like, waaaaaaay into it.

Continue Reading " In Other Forever Alone News: A Tactile Vest That Allows Users To Feel Their Own Hugs "

MORE: controller , digits , doing things you don't mean too , fingers , gaaaaaaaaaaahh , hand poison , hands , this little piggy stabbed your eyes out , wtf no , you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can't pick your friends' noses -- until now -- it wasn't me i swear!

Jun 28 2011 Electric Wristband, Automated Finger Control

Ever wish you could move your fingers involuntarily? Hell no, that's how people wind up stabbing themselves (alternatively, running with scissors -- it's a no-no, kids). But did that stop researchers at the University of Tokyo from packing the technology into a wristband? It did not. Now make a headband model so people think I'm a spaz! "We already do." *trying to catch fly with tongue*

The experimental device is actually called the PossessedHand, and controls your digits by shooting small electric currents into your wrist via electrodes strapped to your forearm.

The theory is that the PossessedHand could be used to teach people to play musical instruments by training their fingers to move correctly. I'm not sure that this simple, mindless repetition would actually work without involving the brain. After all, "muscle memory" doesn't actually reside in the muscles.

HA -- learning to play musical instruments. *eyeroll* Nice try, Japan, but if you think for one second we're gonna believe this thing was designed for any reason besides the obvious novelty masturbation aspect, you have another thing coming. Namely, a guy who just sat on his hand till it was numb.

Hit the jump for a short video in case you've always wondered what it would look like to fingerbang an elemental air spirit.

Continue Reading " Electric Wristband, Automated Finger Control "

Jun 28 2011 Scientists Develop Acoustic Invisibility Cloak

MORE: acoustic , being quiet , can you hear me now? , i want this in my bedroom , i'm down , interesting , invisible magic! , magic spells , noise pollution , sneaking around , sounds , the future is now , we need this all over the place

Note: Picture only moderately related -- my patented optical invisibility cloak.

Researchers at Duke University have developed an acoustic 'invisibility' cloak that can effectively hide an object from sound-based detection systems. The cloak holds promise for the future of stealth technology and, God willing, crying babies.

This device consists of stacked sheets of plastic peppered with holes, whose arrangement and size redirects sound waves, BBC News reports. The device resonates at frequencies that either absorb or reflect sound waves, so it both blocks and contains them -- anything underneath the stack would not hear sound, and sound waves could not be used to locate something coated with the stack.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? They need to make airport bathroom stalls out of this stuff! Just sayin', you know how many times I've been sitting on the john during a layover while some businessman IS WAGING A DEAFENING SHITSTORM in the stall next to me? Every single one. Twice it was so bad I got pukey.

Acoustic Invisibility Cloak Makes Objects Unhearable [foxnews]

Thanks to FloorMatt, who doesn't mind getting walked all over provided he sees up a couple skirts.

Continue Reading " Hardees' Anti-Robotics Chicken Sandwich Ad "

Jun 28 2011 Hardees' Anti-Robotics Chicken Sandwich Ad

MORE: advertising , anti-robotic advertising , bad business , cheeseburger , commercial , don't touch my food! , gw's seal of approval , he doesn't have a mouth!!!!! , marketing , no no no , robots , they still got them $6 burgers or whatever?

This is a short 30-second commercial for Hardees/Carl's Jr. explaining why robots have no place in food production. And if you think it doesn't somehow involve laser-shooting eyeballs, you're wrong. Now I haven't been to Hardees in a long time but I'm about to run out right now and reward them for their advertising effort by buying like 80 cheeseburgers. *eying wallet* Oooooooor a small curly fry. Go halvsies on a shake?

Hit the jump for the 30-second version, an extended 1-minute version, and a behind the scenes video.

Comments ( 24 ) Digg Reddit

Jun 28 2011 Goodbye Productivity!: Zelda Minecraft Game

MORE: awesome , f*** you ganon i'mma slay your ass! , good lookin' , holy smokes , i'm coming princess! , link is my man , minecraft , time waster (except not really because you're time isn't really wasted if you're playing zelda) , video games , will play , zelda

Minecraft player Mike520 (who's an hour late to the stoner party) has gone and created a 10+ hour playable Zelda adventure in the world of Minecraft. It's called Zelda Adventure and features 8 dungeons, 20 different functional weapons, cinematic cutscenes, shops, collectables, secret areas and more. It's also about to feature me whippin' some baddie ass as soon as my download finishes. *whistling* 56.6k modems, amirite? "Tell me you're joking." I'll tell you I'm joking but if you pick up the phone before my download's finished I'll kill you.

Hit the jump for a promo video of all the fun to be had, as well as a Link to the game.

Continue Reading " Goodbye Productivity!: Zelda Minecraft Game "

MORE: apple this is all your fault! , damn gurl you lookin' good enough to block and ban , hot or not? (spoiler: not -- like at all) , ipad , lolwut?! , no no no , sad state of affairs , sadness , the opposite of sessy , wtf am i looking at?! , you're doing it wrong

Jun 28 2011 Pure, Unadulterated Sadness: iPad Mirror Shot

Kidding -- she's clearly adulterated.

Ah yes, the ol' Myspace mirror shot. I've taken those before. SHIRTLESS. Oh I'm sorry -- am I making you too wet? "Only with vomit." Mmmmmm, rub it into your beard. This is crusty skankasaurus taking a Myspace mirror shot WITH AN iPAD. Possibly while having a bowel movement. Hopefully while wearing a geisha mask.

The Trashy MySpace Mirror-Shot Reaches Its Horrifying Logical Conclusion [gizmodo]

Thanks to Alex, who knows a catch when he sees one and this is clearly a release.

Jun 27 2011 Ever Made Love In Less Than 12-Parsecs?: An 8-Ft Millennium Falcon Beanbag Chairbed

MORE: beanbag , bed , eating in bed , i hate rolling over in crumbs but i can't stop , i'm fat it's true , makin' love on a spaceship , millennium falcon , om nom nom , pew pew pew , sleeping , sleeping on things , spaceship , star wars , you said i'd be weightless!

This is a giant-ass Millennium Falcon beanbag chairbed. I would sleep on it. But I'd also eat on it, because I'm a disgusting fatbody. True story: when I was doing my quarterly bed laundry this weekend I found a turkey drumstick, half a piece of pizza (sans crust), two Fruit Roll-Ups and an unopened pudding-pack in the tuck at the bottom. I had a feast. "You're sick." No, I'm full is what I am. "OF SHIT!" *dancing* I know but I'm trying to wait till I'm home to go!

Millennium Falcon Beanbag of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Jaded (ditto) and aaron, who sleep face down on the carpet like nature intended. Nature, or alcoholism?

Pass out on my sofa with your shoes on and get a complimentary schlong Sharpie'd across your forehead on Faceybooks and Tweeter

MORE: a lot of those look undesirable to shake , and who are you supposed to be?! , chart , fingers? where we're going we don't need fingers , hands , hands-full , iconic , picking your nose and accidentally killing yourself

Jun 27 2011 What A Handy Chart: 19 Famous Sci-Fi Hands

This is a little chart of 19 famous hands from sci-fi franchises. Unfortunately, it was only available in t-shirt form for one day last Friday by shirt-a-day purveyor RipT (seriously T -- we miss you, bro). Can you name them all? I named eleven. Granted I named them things like Jared, Egg Nog and Biscuits, but that's because -- actually I don't know why I did that. "Maybe because you don't know who owns which?" I OWN YOUR ASS, I KNOW THAT. "Um, excuse me?! My heart belongs to my girlfriend." Ha -- balls too amirite?! *wink wink nudge nudge*

RipT Shirt A Day
and
19 Iconic Hands in Sci Fi [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Meaghan, who was pissed no Hobbits made the cut. Really? Their hands aren't really that iconic, just hairy-palmed. Haha, wolf-man over here knows what I'm talkin' about!

MORE: california games(!!!!11) , dammit , hey i'm all for the protection of rights but is a few less dipshits on xbox live really such a bad thing? , i was kinda hoping this would actually happen (i'm 29 and can buy whatever the f*** i want is the thing) , law , nice try , oh come on! , video games , violence

Jun 27 2011 Supreme Court: California Can't Ban Violent Video Game Sales To Minors (Dammit)

Seen here reminding us why it's always a good idea to wear like six condoms, a violent child rages out and threatens to stab his own knee after playing violent video games. You know, or maybe he's posing because somebody told him to. Whatever the case, his face is pissing me off. But California can't ban the sale of violent video games to him!

On a 7-2 vote, the high court upheld a federal appeals court decision to throw out California's ban on the sale or rental of violent video games to minors. The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Sacramento had ruled that the law violated minors' rights under the First Amendment, and the high court agreed.

"No doubt a state possesses legitimate power to protect children from harm," said Justice Antonin Scalia, who wrote the majority opinion. "But that does not include a free-floating power to restrict the ideas to which children may be exposed."

BOOSH! More kids calling me queer on XBox live, awesome. Wait a minu-- I demand a recount! I kid, like their parents wouldn't just succumb to their whining and buy them the game anyways anyways. Ha -- parenting! LOLOL.

Court: Calif. can't ban violent video game sales [yahoonews]

Thanks to neolardo, who shot down Lichemangelo's plan to sell weed-pizza to kids on the street.

Jun 27 2011 A Mystery Science Theater 3,000 Headboard

MORE: bad movies , bed , bedroom , characters , clever , cute , different strokes for different folks , gamara is really neat he is filled with turtle meat , movies , mst3k , not bad , sure why not , watching you make the loves (to yourself)

This is a Mystery Science Theater 3,000 headboard. Or, more specifically, a piece of particle board that's been cut to look like the back of Mike, Crow and Tom Servo's heads, then spraypainted black and bolted to a bed. Good lookin'. The only problem is this: why are they facing the wall? You guys would have waaaaaaay more material to make fun of if you were facing the other way. Get it?! Because I masturbate with a sock puppet.

Got the idea while watching a Mst3k on my projector [doormanideas]
via
MST3K Headboard of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Dylan, who's positioned a bunch of Halloween horror masks facing his bed. Lines: you've crossed them.

Continue Reading " Other Famous Cars As Pixar Cars Characters "

Jun 27 2011 Other Famous Cars As Pixar Cars Characters

MORE: animation , batmobile , cars , cars can't talk! , characters , delorean , driving you into a river , ghostbusters , movies , oh man i always dreamed of sliding across the hood of the general lee , sure why not , what no kitt?!?!

Cars 2 just came out this weekend and it was unsurprisingly number one at the box office. Number two at the box office? Never -- I don't trust public restrooms! Butt worms aside, this is series of other famous cars as Cars cars. Obviously (unless you've never seen the movie in which case we could never be friends), this is the DeLorean from Back the the Future, but hit the jump for a Batmobile, Bumblebee, the General Lee, ECTO-1, Herbie and, why not, Luke Skywalker's Landspeeder. SPOILER: They all look exactly the same except with big-ass cartoon eyeballs drawn on the windshields. Which, no lie, would probably make your kids' entire week if you did to the family car. No need to thank me, but I will take a macaroni necklace if they're making them.

Hit the jump for the others, which sadly don't include KITT.

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Jun 27 2011 GAAAAAH, PUT IT BACK ON!!: Yoda Pasties

MORE: aliens , freaky deaky , freaky looking , gaaaaaaaaaaaahh , he's staring at me! , kinky , nips , sessy time! , sure why not , tie fighters would be cooler i'm just sayin' , yoda , you're scaring me

Do or do not, there is no dry humping.

You wanna know how to make nipples not look so good? ~~Let 'em sit out in the sun until they dry up like craisins~~ Add Yoda titty-tassels. I jest, all nips are fine in my book provided they're on a lady and there's less than three of them (okay -- four). Mine? Mine look like little Mount Dooms. And before you ask, no, I haven't destroyed any nipple rings in them. You see what happened was I was planning on dripping hot wax all over like I saw in this movie once, except instead of a candle I grabbed one of those little fuel-gel canisters you use to keep food hot at a buffet. Shit exploded on my chest like a volcano.

Hit the jump for one more shot on a red background in case you're wondering what they might look like on tits ablaze.

Continue Reading " GAAAAAH, PUT IT BACK ON!!: Yoda Pasties "

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Jun 27 2011 In Other Batman News: Caped Crusader Caught Dangling From Rooftop, Arrested

MORE: batman , fail , failing so hard , he was probably trying to peep in some dude's window , i'm surprised the bat-graple could even support dat ass , lolwut? , playing superhero , there is no way in hell this guy has ever saved anybody from anything , wtf is wrong with you?

Seen here WITH HIS SPINE ON THE WRONG F***ING SIDE OF HIS BODY, a 31-year old man (if you can call him that) was recently spied by police dangling from a 30-ft rooftop playing Batman. Theeeeeeen promptly arrested. No word if Robin came up with bail.

[Batman] was taken into custody by police in Petoskey, and had several items confiscated including lead-lined gloves, a baton-esque weapon, and a can of chemical irritant spray.

The man, like any good superhero, has so far managed to keep his real identity (i.e. his name) under wraps.

However, we do know he's been charged with trespassing and possession of a dangerous weapon.

Petoskey public safety director John Calabrese told the local News-Review he believes the man 'enjoys doing this'.

Well of course the man 'enjoys doing this'. Who doesn't love playing superhero?! Shit, I spent half my weekend in tights running around the neighborhood. "And the other half?" THE OTHER HALF IS NONE OF YOUR GOT-DAMN BUSINESS.

Hit the jump for one more picture which may or may yes include some of the gnarliest pit-stains I've seen in my life. Damn bro -- get Lucius Fox to whip up some f***ing anti-antiperspirant!

Continue Reading " In Other Batman News: Caped Crusader Caught Dangling From Rooftop, Arrested "

Continue Reading " WTF Did I Just Watch?: Seizure-Inducing Ocarina Of Time Can-Can Music Video "

Jun 27 2011 WTF Did I Just Watch?: Seizure-Inducing Ocarina Of Time Can-Can Music Video

MORE: doot doot doodle doot , holy goodness , more! , music to my ears , music video , not bad , now we just need some high-kicking zeldas , ocarina of time , song and dance , that was really something , video games , wow , wtf did i just watch? , zelda

This is a song/music video created by editing sounds and scenes from Ocarina of Time into a seizurey can-can. It...made my eyes and ears hurt. But in a good way like when a firework explodes in your face.

Hit the jump and prepare to be WTF'd.

Jun 27 2011 Grampa Turns Electric Scooter Into Batmobile

MORE: a blistering 8mph?! slow down grampa! , batman , batmobile , electric , good job i think , he's probably banged your gramma i'm just sayin' , looks fast , scooter , sure why not , sweet mods gramps , vroom vroom

But where's Robin gonna sit? "ON MY FACE!" You're nasty, Bat!

Seen here with so much future-tech nailed on it's hard to believe it's not a prop from The Dark Knight Rises, 74-year old great grampa Brian Vannlooks (yeah -- looks ridiculous driving that thing!) shows off his homemade Batmobile. In case you couldn't tell, there's actually an electric scooter beneath all that fancy shielding. And, quite possibly, an adult diaper.

He can be spotted riding the Batmobile, which has a top speed of 8mph, around the 'Batcave' - the sheltered housing complex where he lives in Evesham, Worcestershire.

'People drive past in their cars and stop when they see me, get out, and ask for a photo,' said the retired construction worker.

'I feel like a bit of a celebrity. I know how the Beckhams must feel when I go out in my Batmobile.

I'm not gonna lie Brian, I am a little jelly. Not too bad like peanut butter & jelly jelly, more like jelly-filled donut hole jelly. "That's Bavarian creme." Yeah I know, but you get my point. "Which was...?" I can eat like sixty of those things. Even more if you keep the little milk cartons coming.

Great grandfather, 74, converts mobility scooter into the Batmobile [metro]

Thanks to Ashleigh, who agrees he's probably bangin' all kinda old ladies in the retirement village.

Jun 24 2011 From Stick To Sword: The Branch Holder

MORE: *stab stab* take that! , dangerous , hurting your friends , just pretend it's a spear son , lightning bolt! , magic missile! , playing in the woods , stabbing things , sword , sword fight! , sword fighting with wieners , we used to do that

The Branch Holder may look like a piece of molded rubber with a hole at each end and that's because that's exactly what it is. But once you slip that bad boy on ~~your wiener~~ a tree branch -- oh boy, it becomes a sword. Unless your parents are too cheap to buy you one, in which case your dad will insist your branch doesn't need a rubber hand-guard to become a sword. But when you try to explain that to the other child-knights in the neighborhood with REAL stick-swords they'll all laugh and call you Poory McEmptypockets. You'll challenge them all to a fight and eventually lose an eye to a kid who you shouldn't have been hanging out with anyways because the only reason he's in your grade is because he's been held back three times. 22 years later you'll find yourself blogging about it on the internet and crying out of your one good eye. Suddenly, your custom-printed 'It's true what they say about masturbating' eyepatch isn't as funny anymore.

Branch Holder - Long Live Imagination [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Marie, who never swung a stick at another girl growing up. Really?! We used to have rock wars.

Gouge my other eye out on Faceybooks and Tweeter

Jun 24 2011 Pledging Allegiance: If Superheroes Had Flags

MORE: artist , design , flags , i pledge allegiance to the freaks of the united mutants of x-men , i'd fly a couple of those over house , name them all , not bad , pledging allegiance or whatever , superheroes

Note: Larger version HERE in case you want to print them out and make little accessories for your action figures or whatever.

Artist Fabian Gonzalez is back at it (it seems like he's never not!), this time with a series of superhero flags. Can you name them all? I couldn't. They're all so colorful I just assumed I'd vomited on my monitor. *smearing with finger* OMG, I had!

Fabian's (aka Lishoff's) Flickr
via
Superheroes As Flags [thehighdefinite]

Thanks to Brian, who designed a flag for himself and flew it on his car's radio antennae until somebody pointed out it kinda looked like two penises touching.

Jun 24 2011 To Weed Or Not To Weed?: Crazies To Dig Up Shakespeare's Body, See If He Smoked Herb

MORE: celebrities , dead , drugs , famous people , herbal ganja , it's legal here i'm just sayin' , messing with dead bodies , not sure how i feel about that , poet , puff puff pass , smoking , weed , who cares? , writer , writing

I'm digging the parachute shorts/tights combo, bro.

Seen here struttin' that ass at a Renaissance Festival, Shakespeare (personally, I shake a trident) nonchalantly carries his pipe behind a row of porta-potties to get a fix. Aaaaaaand now a group of nutjobs want to dig up and test his body (he's dead?!?!) to, among other things, verify he smoked weed. Yeaaaaaaaaah, how about we don't do any digging and just assume he did? Plus was a warlock that wrote with his penis. GO BIG OR GO HOME.

The team also looks to address a controversial suggestion Thackeray made a decade ago, when he examined a collection of two dozen pipes found in the playwright's garden and determined that Shakespeare was an avid marijuana smoker.

Thackeray claimed the devices were used to smoke cannabis, a plant actively cultivated in Britain at the time. The allegation has provoked disbelief and anger among some fans of the bard.

Prof. Stanley Wells, honorary president of the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust, told the Daily Mail, "I would be happy if they did open it up because it could put an end to a lot of fruitless speculation."

Hoho, sounds like we've got a little "yes he did/no he didn't" battle going on! That's...pretty sad. Who cares -- so we can add him to the 'famous people who smoked weed' list? That's booboo. As a matter of fact, I don't even know why I'm writing this except for the fact I took shots at lunch which seemed like a good idea at the time but in retrospect was a f***ing great one. *swinging beer bong like a lasso* Party time, PARTY TIME!

Did Shakespeare Smoke Weed? Let's Dig Him Up and Find Out [foxnews] (with a bunch more info, including the fact there's a curse on his grave)

Thanks to Ferris, who came up with the title so if you don't like it it's all his fault. If you do like it then it was a collaboration.

Continue Reading " Because It's Friday (And You Hate Yourself): 8-Bit Version Of That Girl's 'Friday' Song "

Jun 24 2011 Because It's Friday (And You Hate Yourself): 8-Bit Version Of That Girl's 'Friday' Song

MORE: 8-bit , autotune , chiptune , happy fun time , i hate myself , i'm not proud of myself , it's friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiday , nintendo , no no no , oh god no , singing , song , sure why not ("because it f***ing sucks gw -- that's why!) , whee! , wtf was that?

This is an 8-bit version of that girl's annoying 'Friday' song. I say "that girl's" because I can't bring myself to say her name without projectile vomiting. Rebecca BLU-BLU-BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! See? Granola bars hurt on the way back up. Admittedly, this 8-bit version is kinda catchy without the words. *getting stoned to death*

Hit the jump for the 'I've been listening to it all morning' video.

MORE: asleep at the wheel , crashing into things , dozing off , driving , driving like a crazy person , driving you into a river , honestly this is probably safer than people driving , look ma -- no hands! *crash crash crash* , no no no , not sure how i feel about that

Jun 24 2011 Wait, What?!: VW's, Now With More Autopilot

So Volkswagen has just introduced a new autopilot feature that lets you take your hands off the wheel on the highway at speeds up to 80MPH because holy shit, you really wanna die.

The system pairs Lane Assist with cruise control, and can be overridden by the driver at any time. The TAP [Temporary Auto Pilot] system's Pilot Mode uses radar, laser, camera, and ultrasonic sensors to maintain a safe distance between vehicles, start and stop in traffic, and slow down before a bend. Speed is set by the driver, who you'll need to remain aware of your surroundings in case you need to take over control -- so don't get too comfortable poking around the menus on that AppRadio just yet.

Oh right, like people aren't gonna try to sleep with the thing on. And by sleep I mean have sex with the backseat. I think I've told you before but I saw a woman driving to work a couple months ago right in front of my house READING A BOOK AND EATING A BOWL OF CEREAL. Huh? Yes with liquid milk -- it was f***in' nuts! I tried yelling at her but she obviously couldn't hear me over her headphones.

Volkswagen Temporary Auto Pilot brings hands-free driving to the highway [engadget]

Thanks to Ferrous, who agrees this technology has existed forever: it's called your knee.

Continue Reading " A Makeup-Filled Handgun For The Ladies "

Jun 24 2011 A Makeup-Filled Handgun For The Ladies

MORE: damn rich people , don't do it! , expensive , getting shot for putting on mascara , gun , handgun , i don't really like makeup , looks dangerous , makeup , oh my god she has a gun! , you look great without it ladies , you've got to be kidding me

Ladies: they wear makeup. Some guys too but that's between me and my eyebrow pencil. Enter makeup handguns from Dutch designer Ted Noten (NOT Nugent). They don't pack heat, but they do pack a bunch of overpriced garbage. Plus -- PLUS -- you might get shot just because you wanted to 'freshen up'. Did I mention they cost between $11,500 - $17,000? Because they do that too. *eyeroll, stomach-roll*

the guns are formed from 3D-printed nylon and come in two different models. The Dior001, which has Dior lip gloss, an antique hairpin, storage for pills, a USB stick  and a 100-gram sterling silver bar, and the Chanel001, which stores Chanel lip gloss, an antique hairpin, a 18k gold toothpick, a perfume bottle with an 18k gold mechanism, a 50-gram 24kt gold bar, a USB stick, and a Viagra pill.

A gold bar and a Viagra pill? They should've named that model 'The Gold-Digger'! Get it? To get an old dude's boner up and then take his money! Jesus, this isn't rocket surgery folks.

Hit the jump for a bunch more shots of all the shit they've packed inside.

Continue Reading " Australian Girl Singing Facebook Song "

Jun 24 2011 Australian Girl Singing Facebook Song

MORE: facebook , friends , guitar , i could shake my groove thing to this , join the geekologie facebook page already god i'll tell you a secret or something geez , la la la la la la la! , music , people , singing , social networking , song , sure why not

In b4 'I'd do her' (she's 16, perv).

NOTE: Two bad words at 0:45.

This is a video of Madelaine Zammit (who looks suspiciously like a cross between Jewel and Leelee Sobieski -- can science do that now? Can two womens have a baby?) singing a song about Facebook. It's okay. The best parts are 1. her accent and 2. the song between 0:40 - 1:00. If you only have time to watch twenty seconds, watch those ones. If you only have ten seconds to watch, well, you're working waaaaay too f***ing hard for a Friday. God, what's next -- NOT taking a nap after lunch?!

Hit the jump for the video. BFF Geekologie on Facebook HERE.

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Jun 24 2011 6-Ft Eye Of Sauron/Dark Tower LEGO Statue

MORE: damn , evil , good lookin' , he's burning a hole through me! , holy smokes , i could not sleep with that in my bedroom , impressive , lego , lord of the rings , lotr , one kick to rule it all , plastic , sauron , skills , stop staring , tall

Seen here doing his best Amish Abe Lincoln, Kevin Walter built a 175-cm (~69") Barad-dûr/Eye of Sauron LEGO sculpture for the 2011 Brickworld convention. I'm not sure how many pieces it is, but my guess is in the tens. Did I mention I'm a terrible guesser? Because, no lie, I got fired from guessing people's age and weight at the carnival after my first day for giving away nothing but big prizes. It's all good though because I ended up getting sugar-high on cotton candy and funnel cakes and taking the bearded lady back to my place. Didn't I? Didn't I, Sasquatch? *tee-hee* You know your mustache tickles!

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more of the impressiveness.

Continue Reading " 6-Ft Eye Of Sauron/Dark Tower LEGO Statue "

Continue Reading " Motorcycle Crash And Subsequent Bike Dance "

Jun 24 2011 Motorcycle Crash And Subsequent Bike Dance

MORE: circles , daaaaw , dancing , motorcycles , race , sex , that's how bigwheels are born , that's not supposed to happen , they're in the loves , too hot for tv , unsafe sex , vroom vroom kabloom , you motorbikes are kinky! , yow yow!

I'm dancing, I'm dancing!

This video is all over the tubes and I was trying to avoid posting it but now I'm afraid I won't stop getting the tip unless I do (and probably still will so I really don't know why I'm doing this besides accidentally drinking decaf this morning). So here it is: a video of a motorcycle crash after which the two bikes intertwine their handlebars and make sweet, sweet circular love. "Yeaaaaaaah, that's not how motorcycles do it." Yes it is too. "You don't know anything about sex, do you?" Yes huh I do! An older kid on the bus said it was like shooting fireworks out of your pecker. "And you believed him?!" Would I have sprayed my pubes with flame-retardant if I didn't? "That's hairspray." I'm rockin' a new 'do!

Hit the jump for the have seen video.

Continue Reading " Koopa Crusher: A Mario/Nintendo Themed Car "

Jun 24 2011 Koopa Crusher: A Mario/Nintendo Themed Car

MORE: bowser is jelly! , cars , do like , drive me to the mall? , i like , i would ride in that , lookin' good , mario , nes , nintendo , oldschool , rollin' on double dragons , shotgun! , super mario , theme , transportation

This is a Mario/Nintendo themed '91 Chevy Caprice lovingly designed by Sherod Grayer of Warner (NOT Baskin) Robins, Georgia. It's, uh, pretty awesome. The only thing that troubled me was the 'GAME OVER' embroidery on the backseat. I find that a little disconcerting. Are there secret ejector seats back there or something? Because if so there's no way in hell I'm ri-- SHOTGUN!

Hit the jump for a bunch more interior/exterior shots.

Jun 23 2011 All The Original Pokémon Characters Named By Somebody Who Isn't Really Sure

MORE: calling things by the wrong name , chart , gotta catch 'em all or something , he did better than i would , names , naming things , pocket monsters , pokemons , some of them are not bad

Note: This chart was cut so you could read it, click HERE for all 150.

This is a chart allegedly depicting the names a boyfriend gave in response to his girlfriend after to name all the original Pokémons by picture alone. So yeah, that's what this is supposed to be. Of course it could be some kind of secret code I'm supposed to get high and stay up all night trying to crack but that would be crazy talk and if there's one thing I can't stand it's -- holy shit, patterns are forming right before my eyes. Fetch my pipe.

Pokemon for the Layman [unrealitymag]

Thanks to Joseph, who agrees the first person to catch something should have the right to name it. *ahem* Genital fungus.

Help me collect 'em all or whatever on Faceybooks and Tweeter

Continue Reading " Dammit, You're ~~Doing~~ Towing It Wrong! "

Jun 23 2011 Dammit, You're Doing Towing It Wrong!

MORE: accidents , dangerous , driving , overcompensating (i'm looking at you -- guy in the yellow corvette!) , safety first , sparkles! , that's not supposed to happen , what happened , when things go wrong , woopsie doopsie

Something's not right.

This is a video of an SUV towing what appears to be a BMW with parking cone orange rims when shit goes south. I'm not sure if something caused the craziness, or if the driver just overcompensated for a little swervature (which is a word now), but things go downhill fast. Think "riding down carpeted stairs on a couch cushion", but replace the couch cushion with a greased cookie sheet. It's like that. One time I slammed into the front door so hard I black out until my parents came home. From vacation. They say I might have brain damage.

Hit the jump for the 'I'm sure that'll buff right out'.

Comments ( 27 ) Digg Reddit

Jun 23 2011 Oh You Guys!: LEGOLand General Manager Pranked With LEGO Version Of His Volvo

MORE: amusement park , car , lego , modular , plastic , prank , that's a lot of pieces , tom-foolery , trickery , whew -- for a second there i thought i was losing my mind , you did know that wasn't real right? , you got me! , zomg you guys got me goooooooood

When LEGOLand California General Manager Peter Rochetti came out to the parking lot to leave work for the day he found out his Volvo SUV had been replaced with a nonfunctional LEGO version. "Oh you guys! Are you guys messing with me again?! Because if I find out you actually sold my car and replaced it with a LEGO one I WILL F***ING FIRE YOU ALL AND BURN YOUR HOUSES TO ASH!!!! I think he had cocktails at lunch.

The blue beauty was made of 201,760 pieces of lego and weighed 2,934 pounds, reports the LA Times.

I love how he tries the door handle. Peter, please tell me you just wanted to see if there was an interior and not because you thought it was a real car. Because, I'm not gonna lie, that would be a bad sign for a guy running a multi-million dollar business. Also, "Don't bother coming to work tomorrow."

Hit the jump for the short video.

Continue Reading " Oh You Guys!: LEGOLand General Manager Pranked With LEGO Version Of His Volvo "

Continue Reading " Communist Statue Graffiti'd With Superheroes "

Jun 23 2011 Communist Statue Graffiti'd With Superheroes

MORE: artists , breakin' the law breakin' the law , communism , defacing things , government , graffiti , not bad , so i looked up wonder woman's skirt there in the back and it turns out she has a wiener. major bummer , spraypaint , statue , superheroes

A memorial to the commie 'liberation' of the country in Sofia, Bulgaria was recently defaced by anti-communist graffiti artists to include the likenesses of a bunch of superheroes (plus The Joker, Santa and Ronald McDongald). So yeah -- good lookin', guys, but it's still weird seeing Santa fighting something besides type II diabetes.

Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups, as well as a picture of the statue in its regular state, except for a chick painting a pecker on the dude in the middle.

Continue Reading " The Keys Of Supercars: A Visual Comparison (Of Things You'll Never Hold) "

Jun 23 2011 The Keys Of Supercars: A Visual Comparison (Of Things You'll Never Hold)

MORE: cars , comparison , expensive , expensive as all hell , gentlemen -- start your engines , i will probably never touch these (or -- lets be honest -- any tits) , keys , neato , sports car , starting things , vroom vroom

Supercars: they're sharp looking, expensive as all hell, and they go fast. Plus they come with keys to make them start. A lot of them are fancy. The screwdriver I use to start my Explorer? Not so much. Kidding, that shit is Craftsman, son -- GUARANTEED FOR LIFE! Now, not to brag or anything, but I actually did have the opportunity to drive a new Ferrari 599 recently and let me tell you: that thing handled like a f***in' dream. Literally, because it was one. A wet one.

I posted pictures of the other four after the jump, but make sure to hit the link at the bottom if you want to read a little review about each one.

MORE: doing it wrong , facebook , facebook we have a problem , if you think your race isn't capable of far worse retardation you're f***ing kidding yourself (because you're that dumb) , no no no , no twitter? , please don't disappoint me , wtf is wrong with you?

Jun 23 2011 Doing It Totally, Totally Wrong: Updating Your Facebook While In A Standoff With The Police

Jason Valdez (whose Facebook profile you can view HERE to read everything that went down), 36, barricaded himself and his ladyfriend in a motel room after police tried to serve a felony warrant on a drug related charge. Then sat in the room for 18-hours providing Facebook status updates but didn't have the decency to write a Yelp review for the motel.

Utah police were involved in a standoff with a guy in a motel and he updated his Facebook status throughout the ordeal -- which ended with him shooting himself in the chest as a SWAT team raided the place (he's now in critical condition at the hospital, but expected to survive).

Many of the reports claim that it was a "hostage" situation, because there was a woman in there with him, but, if you read through the messages, it seems pretty clear that she was there willingly. The guy, Jason Valdez, even posted photos of the two of them and joked about his "hostage."

Listen dipshits (you know who you are) -- before this turns into the idiotic trollfest about race that I know you bottomfeeders are capable of, how about we like, not do that? I know it's not easy for some of you more short-sighted halfwits, but remember: the easiest things to do in life are rarely the best. Take your mom for example.

Sign Of The Times: Guy Updates Facebook Status During Police Standoff [techdirt]

Thanks to mud, who got on my jeans and now I'm gonna have to wash them despite only having worn them for a week.

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Jun 23 2011 But Can It Fly?: Magic Carpet Not So Magic

MORE: but does the carpet match the carpet? (amidoinitrite?) , carpet , design , floor , i've actually slept in hay before , magic , napping at work , nothing a bunch of pillows couldn't do , questionable , relaxing , sleeping at night , sleeping bag , sleeping on the floor , sure why not , waking up in a barn

You know what the worst part about sleeping in a bed is? Nothing. It beats sleeping on the floor any day. Except for the day you have a sleeping bag in which case I am all systems go for a spend-the-night party and we should totally build a pillow fort. Enter the Sasan Magic Carpet, a piece of questionable design that is neither magical nor carpet. Hey Aladdin -- what're your thoughts? "Princess Jasmine shaved her bush into a tophat with a rabbit poking out." LOLWUT?! "Magic carpet joke!" Hoho -- good one. What do you say we go frame someone for stealing and get their hand chopped off?

Sasan Magic Carpet: Swiss Army Furniture [technabob]

Thanks to Margaret, who actually knows a guy who sleeps on the kitchen floor with dish-towels for blankets. Get it? We're friends IRL!

Continue Reading " Camera Takes Pictures That Allow For Focus Adjustment AFTER The Photograph Is Taken "

Jun 23 2011 Camera Takes Pictures That Allow For Focus Adjustment AFTER The Photograph Is Taken

MORE: color , everyone's a great photographer! , f***in' cameras -- how do they work? , focus , holy smokes , interesting , light , needs more lens flare , photography , pictures , sad hipsters are sad , sure why not , taking picture , the future is now

Note: Example photograph you can manipulate yourself after the jump. Single-click to change focus, double-click to zoom.

Unlike a regular camera, the Lytro Light Field Camera allegedly gathers ALL the light information coming through the lens, allowing a user to manipulate the focus/color of a shot on a computer long after the picture was taken, effectively making it possible to take amazing looking photographs with absolutely zero skill or coordination. *Sits back and waits for the inevitable 'I AM TEH L337 PHOTOGRAPHER!!!!11' Facebook albums to start popping up*

The secret behind the Lytro camera is a new type of sensor that gathers much more information about the light coming into the camera than the sensors found on all other types of digital cameras. Rather than record a finite amount of information about the light in a photograph, as is the case with other camera sensors, the Lytro sensor records the entire "light field," which is made up of "all the light rays in a scene," according to the Lytro website. This includes the color, intensity and direction of the rays of light. Other cameras simply record all the light as a single amount of light.

With this vast amount of data, the focus of a photo can be fully adjusted to match a photographer's desires, using a computer, in the same way one might use Photoshop to adjusts hue, brightness or contrast on a regular photograph. This means never having to worry about whether auto-focus centered on the right part of a picture, and it makes capturing fast-motion much easier.

Admittedly, cool technology -- but it still breaks my heart a little to know everybody and their grandma (ESPECIALLY grandma) will be able to do things that once took some actual knowledge and skill. Like -- what's that other modern example I'm think of? Oh right, MUSIC. *autotunes fart, makes millions*

If you have Flash installed, hit the jump for a picture you can manipulate yourself.

Continue Reading " Now With More Special Effects: Staged Cosplay Fighting At Anime North Convention "

Jun 22 2011 Now With More Special Effects: Staged Cosplay Fighting At Anime North Convention

MORE: anime , cartoons , characters , convention , dude loves him some lens flare , fighting , gimme a plastic sword and i would have rocked everyone -- twice , hiya! , not bad , sick graphics bro , special effects , sure why not

Video editor Yung Lee went to the Anime North convention in Toronto and convinced a bunch of the cosplayers there to mock-battle him. Then he added some special effects (mostly a shit-ton of lens flare) and called it 'Epic Anime Time'. This is that video. Personally, I would've gotten drunk and actually fought all the cosplayers, but what do I know? I'm just a man who believes you don't need special effects when you've got ~~raw talent~~ a pint of bourbon in your stomach and are convinced a group of pocket monsters just called you Whiskeydick. OH ISH ON NOW, PROKEYMONS!

Hit the jump for the video.

Continue Reading " Johan's Ark: Man Dreams Of Apocalypse, Builds Functional (It Floats) Noah's Ark Replica "

Jun 22 2011 Johan's Ark: Man Dreams Of Apocalypse, Builds Functional (It Floats) Noah's Ark Replica

MORE: animals , bible , boat , dinosaurs , fire hazard , floating , flood , i'm on a boat , looks flammable , noah's ark , ocean , oceanfont property for sale , old timey , sure why not , wood , you should make it a petting zoo

Johan Huibers, who may or may yes need to stop eating spicy food before bed, had a dream that part of his native Holland flooded. So what did he do -- wake up and have a cup of coffee? Hell no -- he started construction on a "full-size" replica of Noah's Ark. I, uh, I would have done the coffee thing. Or -- OR -- gone back to sleep until I had a good dream.

The almost-finished vessel you see pictured above is actually Huibers' second whack at making an ark of his own. The first was a half-sized replica, though this time the Dutch construction company director decided to go whole hog. It's even seaworthy, and Huibers plans for his ark to float along the Thames in London ahead of the 2012 Olympics.

Though we really have no way of knowing, Biblical scholars peg Noah's Ark as being somewhere around 300 cubits in length, 50 wide and 30 high. In feet, that translates into a vessel 450 feet long -- or about the same as a Romulan Bird-of-Prey -- and 75 feet wide and 45 high.

Johan's second ark took three years and $1.6-million of his own dough to complete, but, from the look of it, would only take one un-extinguished cigarette to burn to the waterline. What do you know -- I guess Noah really did have good reason for leaving the dinosaurs behind! Get it?! Because their sexy asses be smokin'. Mm mm mmm -- just thinkin' about 'em makes me feel like I got curry in my penis!

Hit the jump for an NBC news report.

Continue Reading " Don't Shoot!: Mass Effect II Garrus Cosplay "

Jun 22 2011 Don't Shoot!: Mass Effect II Garrus Cosplay

MORE: 1. garrus 2. jack 3. tali , awesome , cosplay , good lookin' , homemade , love that guy , mass effect , outerspace , playing dress up , sniper , sweet , the way he poses in the costume reminds me of cardboard armor kid , video games

Garrus Vakarian: he's a sniping badass and I dug how he rocked his battle scars for the remainder of the game after his recruitment mission without shame. As a matter of fact, I tried to pursue a relationship with him before realizing I couldn't because I picked a male Shepard. WTF! I don't know about your Shepard, but mine definitely swings both ways. And by both I mean all three. "What's the third?" You don't want to know. "Tell me!" I had sex with the Normandy. "OMG -- EDI the artificial intelligence system?!" BEEP BOOP BOP, BABY!

Hit the jump for a video of the costume being worn which may or may yes include a lot of awkward crouching. Also, I added another Garrus cosplay video from someone else that may be a little more detailed that I didn't find until after I wrote all this. Story of my life.

Continue Reading " Nice Moon Boots, Bro: The First Dog Fitted With Prosthetic Paws On All Four Feet "

Jun 22 2011 Nice Moon Boots, Bro: The First Dog Fitted With Prosthetic Paws On All Four Feet

MORE: animals , compassion , daaaaw , dog , feet are what you stand on , good lookin' , happy ending , love , my neighbor puts little booties on her dog and he walks like that , people i swear , pets , prosthesis , rage , wtf is wrong with you , you can barely tell!

Seen here after successfully fetching a 20oz soda (God, get him a toy!), Naki'o shows off his moon-boot prosthetic paws. Naki'o is the first dog to have all four paws replaced with prosthetics, and refuses to let the mailman go easy on him. The sob story, which you might want to skip if you're an easy crier:

Naki'o was abandoned as a puppy when his owners left their foreclosed home. During the Nebraskan winter, he stepped into an icy puddle in the home's basement and got all four of his paws trapped in the freezing water. With severe frostbite, Naki'0 and the rest of his litter were transported to an animal rescue center. Veterinary technician Christie Tomlinson adopted Naki'o, and organized a fundraiser to pay for his two back legs to be fitted with the prosthetics. He came through the procedure so well that Orthopets decided to donate the remaining two prosthetic legs. The prosthetics are designed to replicate the muscle and bone structure of the dog's natural limbs.

BOOM -- happy ending. Now I don't want to go off the deep end about WTF is wrong with people who don't treat animals (and their allegedly loved pets) with any compassion, so I'll just say this: I will find you, and I will kill you. Also, when they start fitting dogs with rocket boots we've gone too far.

Hit the jump for a short video of Rompy McHopper in action.

Continue Reading " BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!: Tank Blast Filmed At 18,000 Frames/Second "

Jun 22 2011 BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!: Tank Blast Filmed At 18,000 Frames/Second

MORE: boom , did i mention all the action is in the first couple seconds? all the action is in the first couple seconds , explosion , eye candy , holy smokes , kaboom! , like a bat out of hell (but in slow motion) , neato , projectiles , shooting things , slow motion , tank

Ever wonder what the blast from a tank looks like in slow-motion? Well rest easy, Admiral Inquisitive, because that's exactly what this is. Unless I embedded the wrong video, in which case it might be one of me with a grocery bag over my head ranting about trolls and how I want to burn/eat them all alive. What? I'm half fire-dragon, yo!

The tank is a Russian T-90, a third-generation 46.5-tonne beast with a steel-composite-reactive blend armor, shooting a 125mm shell.

The camera is a Photron, a high speed, ultra high definition camera made for scientific analysis.

Oh come on -- was the camera actually designed for scientific analysis, or watching really cool things in slow-motion? "Scientific analysis." I'll ask again -- scientific analysis, or cool things in slow-mo? "Scientific analysis." Okay this time just blink your eyes so I know I'm right.

Hit the jump for the video and another, shot from behind tanky-style.

MORE: conceptual , good ideas , i don't even own a printer anymore (i drop-kicked it out the window is the thing) , not bad , office supplies , one time i actually stapled my thumb true story , paper is so 1900's , stapler , why didn't i think of that

Jun 22 2011 Simple Enough: Date Stapler Staples & Dates

The conceptual Date Stapler by Gonglue Jiang staples and dates your papers so you know exactly what day they were collated because you're OCD. *eying document* Oooooh, 2008 -- that was a great year for paper. *nibbling corner* "Are you...eating my report?" Ha -- am I eating your report? No jackass, I'm copying my ass for the third time today YES I'M EATING YOUR REPORT. *savoring coffee ring*

Staple by the Date [yankodesign]
via
Date Stapler is a beautiful mashup of a date stamp and a stapler [dvice]

Thanks to Kelly, who actually dated a stapler once despite her company's policy on office romances. Well, that and the fact IT WAS A STAPLER (you're sick and you need to get better).

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Jun 22 2011 AMAZING Rapture LEGO Build (With Insides!)

MORE: amazing , awesome , big daddy , bioshock , do like , do want , good job , great now i'm gonna have to play through them both again , holy smokes , isn't it better down where it's wetter take it from me , lego , not the little mermaid , omg would 100% buy bioshock lego sets , return to rapture , underwater , video game

Bioshock's Rapture: hands down one of my favorite video game environments to date. "Do you hold hands and kiss a lot?" Dammit -- as in, 'to this point in time', not to wear my letter jacket, moron. This is an impressive build of the underwater city (complete with crashed plane!) by LEGOmaniac Imagine Rigney that was on display at the recent Brickworld convention. The outside is amazing, but if you're a fan of the game, or LEGO (or both!!!1), you've got to see the insides as well. I posted a couple pictures after the jump, but you should really, really, REALLY go check out the artist's Flickr page and see the high-res versions to do it justice. It even contains Sander Cohen and his creepy Quadtych masterpiece! You know, I really liked that guy alot. No -- loved. I never killed him on my first play-through and actually paused the game when I got to him on my second so we could be together forever. I'm serious, that's why I can't play my Xbox anymore.

Hit the jump for a couple more and another link to the artist's Flickr which also contains other amazing builds including Hogwarts, Howl's Moving Castle and Avatar.

Continue Reading " AMAZING Rapture LEGO Build (With Insides!) "

Continue Reading " $100K Sapphire-Bladed Razor Lasts 10 Years "

Jun 22 2011 $100K Sapphire-Bladed Razor Lasts 10 Years

MORE: but why? , damn rich people , don't throw the blade away after you're done -- send it to me! , expensive , garbage , no no no , razor , ripoff , sharp , shaving with peanut butter , that's too much , yeah well my razor is diamond so there , you gotta be kidding me

The Zafirro Iridium Razor is a limited edition (99) shaver with an all iridium handle, platinum screws, and white-sapphire blades that'll allegedly stay sharp for ten years. It costs $100k. Alternatively, use a BRAND NEW Mach 3 razor blade every day for ten years and save yourself $93k. Plus the mental anguish when you find out the Geekologie Writer, posing as a baggage handler, has stolen a $100k razor out of your suitcase. I'mma shave my balls with it. Aaaaaaaand probably nick myself and bleed.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the bottom of my 'to buy' list.

Jun 21 2011 Longest Production LEGO Set To Date: Darth Vader's Super Star Destroyer, The Executor

MORE: darth vader , fictional universes , lego , luke i am your $400 lego set , record , shotgun! , spaceship , star wars , sure why not , that thing looks like a bitch to dust i'm not gonna lie , that's a whole lotta plastic

Setting the record for the longest (length-wise) LEGO production set to date, the 8-pound, 3,500-piece, 50" Executor will go on sale September 1st for a cool $400. And I'd be tempted to build one except A) it costs $400 and B) that's a lot of money that C) I don't have. So yeah, looks like I'll be watching my roommate put his together. Maybe he'll let me snap a couple bricks into place.

Me: Hey bro, mind if I put a couple pieces together?
Him: Yes, actually I do.
Me: Oh come on -- who bought the beer you're drinking?
Him: I did.
Me: And who's been drinking it all?
Him: You have.
Me: Sooooooooooo...?

Lego Super Star Destroyer 10221 [thebricklife] (with a ton more info, pictures and an interview with the designer.

Thanks to Roger Wilco, who -- damn I miss those games.

Fly shotgun in my rocketship on Faceybooks and Tweeter

MORE: driving in a straight line , fast , i told you to double-check that nut! , oh shi-shi , reminds me of the time my handlebars came off and i ended up hugging the side of a bus , thank god he didn't have to make a turn , that's not supposed to do that , uh-oh , vroom vroom , woopsie doopsie

Jun 21 2011 Steering Wheel Breaks Off During Drag Race

Oh shi-shi.

I love how in the video he keeps grabbing where it used to be like a new one's gonna magically appear or something. Because, SPOILER: it's not going to. Just like starfish tentacles, steering wheels do not grow back. "But GW -- starfish tentacles do grow back." Oh really? Then why didn't this one? "That's your penis." Ahhhhhhhhh. I've heard a lot about these things.

Hit the jump for the short but comical video.

Continue Reading " Steering Wheel Breaks Off During Drag Race "

Continue Reading " 'Zhest' Hypersonic Plane To Carry Passengers At Mach 4, Do London To Sydney In 3.5 Hours "

Jun 21 2011 'Zhest' Hypersonic Plane To Carry Passengers At Mach 4, Do London To Sydney In 3.5 Hours

MORE: emissions *braaaaap* sorry , fast , flying , future technology , getting places in jiffy , green technology , holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii , holy smokes , i feel like we just took off! , i get scared enough on normal flights , i'll believe it when i see it , iffy , planes , supersonic , whee! , zoom zoom zoom

...by 2050.

The European Aeronautic Defence and Space Company (EADS), which owns Airbus, claims they could have a Mach-4 traveling airplane in the skies by 2050 that could fly passengers around the globe at over 3,000MPH while shitting their pants like babies.

The plane - named "zero emission hypersonic transportation" (ZEHST) - would take off from a standard runway, and carry up to 100 passengers above the atmosphere, cruising at 3,125mph - more than four times the speed of sound (Mach 4).

While the plane is still at concept stage and will require huge funding to get it off the ground, EADS says demonstration flights could be happening as early as 2020.

EADS says the plane would be virtually emission-free, as it would be powered by sea-weed based biofuels, hydrogen and oxygen, producing only water emissions.

Okay, the Mach-4 thing I can believe, but zero-emissions running on sea-weed? How about we build some regular planes that do that first? That would be like, a small step. Or, should a say, a giant leap? See what I did there? Space talk, yo. GW to moonbase alpha -- fire the LOLserbeams.

Hit the jump for a conceptual video about the plane.

MORE: decision making , drinking , i pee everywhere (but mostly in my pants) , i would have skinny dipped in it instead , mmmmm did anybody else notice the water was extra good this month? , peeing , peeing on the floor , peeing on the sink , questionable , urine trouble , water

Jun 21 2011 Man Urinates In Portland Water Reservoir, City Drains 8M Gallons To Prevent Pee-Drinking

I can't really tell what I'm looking at, but there's a blue wiener in there somewhere.

21-year old Josh Seater (who, based on his name, may only pee sitting down) peed in one of Portland, Oregon's water reservoirs after a night of drinking, causing the city to flush 7.8M gallons of water out of the system, which seems ridiculous considering it's basically a giant outdoor concrete pool THAT ANY BIRD CAN SHIT AND/OR DIE IN. No lie, if you watch the security camera footage of him doing it you actually see a stray cat come running out of the pond where, at least in my mind, it was actually washing its butthole instead of licking it for once.

Cue a mass dump of water worth $28,500, a loss to which Portland Water Bureau will have to add $7,600 in "disposal fees".

The bureau's administrator, David Shaff, robustly defended the decision to ditch the entire contents. He asked: "Do you want to drink pee?"

Whoa whoa whoa -- do I want to, or would I? Because those are two totally different answers. Jk jk, I'm kinky and I own rubber sheets. Hell, I'd squeeze and drink the juice out of an elephant turd. You know, if I was in a life or death situation. Or at the zoo and dared.

Hit the jump for footage of the pisser and a video news report. Cat comes running out at 0:12.

Continue Reading " Man Urinates In Portland Water Reservoir, City Drains 8M Gallons To Prevent Pee-Drinking "

MORE: characters , dc comics , feet are what you stand on , i only wear flip-flops (but never with socks. fine sometimes with socks but usually only when i'm walking the dogs) , not bad , shoes , superheroes , sure why not

Jun 21 2011 Exclusive Converse x DC Comics Kicks

This is a new series of Converse x DC Comics shoes, with five of the eleven designs being exclusive to Journeys. Which, I'm not gonna lie, is where I bought my last pair of Onitsuka Tigers. Unless that makes you think less of me, in which case I bartered them from a space pirate for Boba Fett's helmet. Any pair will set you back $60, despite the Catwoman low-tops clearly requiring less material which is a sore subject for me because I always have to pay extra for my 2XL shirts. And not because I'm particularly fat (I'm more jolly), I just like having them long enough so I don't have to wear pants if I don't want to. "Um, and when is that?" Never ever!

Hit the jump for a couple close-ups of my favorites and hopefully not a picture of my wiener (I'm like, REALLY bad at Photoshop).

Continue Reading " Exclusive Converse x DC Comics Kicks "

Continue Reading " If Pixar Made X-Men Movies: Baby Magneto "

Jun 21 2011 Futuristic!: Canada Moves To Plastic Money

MORE: canada , cash rules everything around me cream get the money dollar dollar bill ya'll , cashing out , cream , fancy! , good lookin' , money , money maker , neighbors , our neighbor to the north , paper , plastic , smart , sure why not , the future is now

Seen here sporting the handsome visage of ~~Mark Twain~~ Sir Robert Borden, the Bank of Canada's governor Mark Carney (who's made out with the bearded lady before but won't admit it) shows off the country's new plastic $100 bill. The $100 will be the first of the bills (Canada's -- several other countries already have plastic/hybrid bills) to be rolled out in polymer form this November, with $50's to follow next March, and the rest to be out by the end of 2013 (if we survive that long).

The polymer bank notes are more durable than paper money. The Bank of Canada expects the new bills to last 2.5 times longer than the paper ones.

They're also harder to fake than paper money. Some of the security features built into the new notes include raised ink, hidden numbers and metallic images in see-through windows.

The bills feel smooth and slightly waxy. They don't crumple easily, but they do crease when you try, and they don't seem to tear in half.

They don't tear in half?! But how am I supposed to perform my 'ripped bill repairs itself' magic trick? *calling manager* They're on to me -- cancel the Canadian portion of my magic tour, STAT!

Get ready for more plastic in your wallet; Canada switching to polymer bills [yahoonews]

Thanks to Ken, who's pissed Canadian rappers won't be able to rhyme about "gettin' that paper" anymore. Wait -- CANADA HAS RAPPERS?! "Yeah, Snow." Ahhhhhh. A licky boom-boom down!

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Jun 21 2011 If Pixar Made X-Men Movies: Baby Magneto

MORE: artist , awesome , characters , daaaaaaw isn't he preciou-- omg he just hit me in the head with a toy truck! , evil , good job , holy smokes , magneto , marvel , movies , superheroes , supervillains , toys , x-mens

This is baby Magneto as imagined by artist Victor Hugo in the style of a Pixar movie (read: Toy Story). He looks...evil. Like the kind of kid your mom would make you go play with even though you don't like him and he's always doing really creepy shit like pulling the legs off bugs. *shivers* There was one of those in my neighborhood too. Pretty sure he's a serial killer now.

Hit the jump for Victor's inspiration for the piece, which is a sketch by artist Skottie Young of a bunch of baby mutants, and a link to a high-res version in cause you're looking for a new wallpaper. Me? I only need new drapes. You know, to match the carpet. Kidding, I don't even know what that means but I heard an older kid on the bus say it so I'm repeating it to sound cool. Handjob.

Jun 21 2011 Brains: Soon With Memory Expansion Slots

MORE: biology , black market bad memories , brain , crazy , damn yeah i'm throwing mass effect references in there , expansion , forgetting things , holy smokes , interesting , mad scientists , memory , the future is now , yikes

Scientists (mad ones, obv) have developed a way to plug "memory chips" into the brains of rats, instantly expanding their memory-creating and storing capabilities, with the future possibility OF BEING ABLE TO ADD ACTUAL MEMORIES. Holy gracious.

Dr. Berger's description is almost frightening:
"Flip the switch on, and the rats remember. Flip it off, and the rats forget [...] These integrated experimental modeling studies show for the first time that with sufficient information about the neural coding of memories, a neural prosthesis capable of real-time identification and manipulation of the encoding process can restore and even enhance cognitive mnemonic processes.

The hope (and it's a noble one) is to help those who have suffered from a memory effecting illness like Alzheimer's or a stroke. The reality is I'm gonna stick a memory card in your brain while you're sleeping that makes you think you made out with like forty hunks at the bar the night before and loved every second of it. "Dude -- what happened last night?!" Oh you don't remember? You were kissing bros as far as the eye could see!

Scientists Create First Memory Expansion for Brain [gizmodo]

Thanks to Omega, whose 4 Relay I did pass through and survive WITH MY ENTIRE SQUAD. High-five, Tali! (We banged, I'm trying to make it less awkward)

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Jun 20 2011 Fine, You Can Have It!: Japan Takes Back Honor Of 'World's Fastest Supercomputer'

MORE: beep boop bop , computers , computing , electricity , fast , is it hot in here or are there just like a million computers running at the same time? , japan , power , probably not very green technology , quick , record , supercomputer , that's a lot of numbers i don't understand

Japan, pissed the title was stripped from them by the much larger China, has officially regained the honor of homing the world's fastest supercomputer, capable of almost 3x the calculations per second of China's previous record-holder. Me? I'm good for about one calculation every minute-and-a-half with a 50% chance of still f***ing it all up. I'm what you might call a notsosupercomputer.

K is built by the Japanese computer firm Fujitsu, based in Kobe's Riken Advanced Institute for Computational Science. It is capable of making 8.2 quadrillion (a quadrillion is 1 followed by 15 zeroes) calculations per second - or, in computer jargon, 8.2 petaflops.

The previous fastest machine was the Chinese computer Tianhe-1A, which was clocked at 2.507 petaflops.

K's performance is equivalent to one million linked desktop computers, according to Prof Dongarra, or more than its five closest competitors combined. It consists of 672 cabinets stuffed with circuit-boards, and its creators plan to increase that to 800 in the coming months. It uses enough energy to power nearly 10,000 homes and costs $10 million (£6.2 million) annually to run.

Damn that's a lot of electricity! How the hell do you even run that much power into one room? No seriously, I'm asking. I want to grow like, a ton of weed at once.

Japanese supercomputer 'K' is world's fastest [telegraph]

Thanks to Pogs, who I'm not ashamed to admit I played with in my youth.

Join us on Faceybooks and Tweeter

MORE: facts and figures , getting your learn on , internet , it's a big scary place out there that's for sure , learning by looking , no -- i didn't bother fact checking any of that it could say gw blows goats for all i know , numbers , series of tubes , that's a lot of tubes , tubes , world wide webs

Jun 20 2011 Every Sixty Seconds On The Internet...

A blogger turns to drugs & alcohol. And, 9 times out of 10, it's me. The other 1 time out of 10, The Superficial Writer drinks half a wine cooler and throws up.

NOTE: Larger version HERE because I heard you like big things.

This is a little infographic showing some of the things that happen on the internet every sixty seconds. As you can see, it's a lot. Mostly garbo. No word on the number of boner pill emails, but I get at least a couple myself (and save them!). Plus at least one Facebook friend request of somebody from my past that I don't care about, but will accept only to verify time has treated them as poorly as I imagined it would. OMG -- you gotta check out this chick I used to go to high school with! "You went to high school with Gollum?!" Yeaaaaaaaaah I think she's into meth. Now close the page quick before I get depressed.

What happens on the Internet every 60 seconds [msnbc]

Thanks to bartley, who told me he checks Geekologie at least once every sixty seconds. Daaaaaaaaaw. Wait -- bartley the guy who always types 'FIRST'? SONOFA!

Continue Reading " Frightening 2.5-Second Chicken Deboning Bot "

Jun 20 2011 Frightening 2.5-Second Chicken Deboning Bot

MORE: automated , chicken , chicken dippers! , chicken nuggets , chicken wings , frighteing , leave it to japan , mmmm , nasty , nuggets , robot , robots with knives , scary , this is where your food comes from

So appetizing.

Chicken: it might be what's for dinner. Me? I think I'm gonna have a little, oh I don't know -- PASTA WITH ARTICHOKES. BA-BWAM! Did I mention there will be berry cobbler and butter pecan ice cream for dessert? A LA MODE, BABY! This is an automated chicken deboner from Japan. It's frightening and will probably appear in more than one horror movie as a terrible way to die. *shivers, peeps down shirt to watch nips harden*

This Mayekawa Automatic Chicken Deboner shucks chickens at a rate of 1,500 birds an hour--that's ten times as fast as even the most skilled butcher--and retails for around $560,000. The system uses a specially-built image processing system that modifies the path of the blades to maximize yield. As Atsushi Suzuki, Assistant Marketing Manager of the food processing division, explains, "It recognizes images taken by the camera and changes the depth and location for the cuts for each chicken." Then, it grabs the chicken by the wings and simply pulls the meat from the rib cage. The system then makes another shallow incision to remove any remaining white meat from the breastbone before discarding the bones and giblets.

Mmmm, did somebody say nuggets? "No, that was me vomiting." Oh. Because it sounded like you were yelling "UHNUUUUUUUUUGGETS!!".

Hit the jump for a video of the robot doing what it does best (along with all other robots): stab the shit out of flesh. NOTE: Not before/during/after lunch friendly.

Continue Reading " WTF?: The Race Car Game That's Played On A Single Piece Of Continually Printing Paper "

Jun 20 2011 WTF?: The Race Car Game That's Played On A Single Piece Of Continually Printing Paper

MORE: i mean cool technology and all guys but my potted plants are really upset about this , iffy , paper , printer , questionable , the trees are crying , trees , video game , waste not want not , wasteful , wood is good

This is a video of a little race car game where you try to avoid the sides of the road and other obstacles. It's played on a piece of continually printing paper that randomly generates the road as it goes. Not unlike real driving. HOLY SHIT THAT BIKE JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.

The trio coded a game in openFrameworks, titled Receipt Racer, which uses a thermal receipt printer modded with a "light beamer" to display game info and represent a car, a DS3 to control it, and a laptop to connect the devices and run the software. A random track with obstacles gets rapidly printed while a player attempts to navigate it without crashing...

Nice guys, that sounds good and wasteful. *brrring, brrring* Hold on, phone. That was Captain Planet.*karate-kicking balls into stomach* He told me to give you that.

Hit the jump for the forest-decimating game being played.

MORE: batman , batmobile , getting around , looks like what they thought cars would look like today in the 1950's , movies , needs cooler wheels , not sure how i feel about that (yes i do too i don't really like it) , stage show , transportation

Jun 20 2011 Batman's Stage Show Batmobile Revealed

When I first read the article I thought this was the new Batmobile for 'The Dark Knight Rises' and was already composing a piece of hate-mail when I realized it's just the Batmobile for the Batman Live World Arena Tour. Lemme tell ya -- I was muy unhappyo there for a minuto. "GW, that's not good Spanish." Oh really? I took two years in high school, I think I'd know. Pinto.

Gordon Murray designed the Formula One cars that won six world championships, then he went on to create the incredible McLaren F1 supercar for the road. So when he was given the task of creating the latest Batmobile, he came up with a design that projects Formula One design elements as they might exist in 15-20 years, including what he calls "breathable" carbon fiber.

I have no idea what the hell "breathable" carbon fiber is, but if it's anything like a "breathable" athletic sock, you can count me a fan. What?! I get swamp-foot easy! Also: colds, which is why I don't shake hands. Kidding, I've just convinced myself the last thing a person's done before shaking my hand is masturbate.

Hit the jump for four more of the questionableness.

Continue Reading " Batman's Stage Show Batmobile Revealed "

Jun 20 2011 Superficial Dating Site BeautifulPeople.com Hacked, Wave Of Ugly People Accepted

MORE: beautiful , dating , haha! , hurting feelings , i demand retribution! , i thought beautiful people didn't need dating websites , ouch , shattering dreams , shrek virus , that's what you get! , ugly , viruses , website , woopsie doopsie , wrong

Can you tell who doesn't belong? SPOILER: The lion, sicko.

Apparently "lookist" dating website BeautifulPeople.co m was recently hacked, and accepted over 30,000 busted-ass, booboo looking people over the course of six weeks because its rating system was jeopardized. Per company director Dan Hodge, who looks LIKE THIS and probably shouldn't be a member (unless member = dick, in which case, yes, he is one):

"We responded immediately, repairing the damage from the 'Shrek Virus' and putting every new member back into the rating module for a legitimate and democratic vote.

"We have sincere regret for the unfortunate people who were wrongly admitted to the site and who believed, albeit for a short while, that they were beautiful. It must be a bitter pill to swallow, but better to have had a slice of heaven then never to have tasted it at all."

At first the company thought that an 'ugly' who had been rejected had to behind the Shrek Virus but after looking further it was found that the it came from within. A former employee who left the company in May placed the virus into the system as a parting gift.

Now I know what you're thinking, "hoho, GW's just jealous because his profile got deleted!" WRONG. I'm so f***ing handsome my laptop's getting wet right now just because I'm looking at it. Ooooooor I spilled my coffee. Either way, it is starting to smoke.

BeautifulPeople.com claims it was hit by Ugly Virus [digitaljournal]

Thanks to Trevor, who agrees it's what's on the inside that counts. Unless the inside is a whole cake, two packages of Oreos and an entire Thanksgiving dinner, in which case you might have to take the outside into consideration.

Continue Reading " Not A Sport: Synchronized Indoor Skydiving "

Jun 20 2011 Not A Sport: Synchronized Indoor Skydiving

MORE: eye candy , falling is easy , good times , holy smokes , i want to try that! , i've always wanted to do that but i've been too afraid i'd find a way to get chopped up by the fan , impressive , now do it naked , skills , sky , synchronized , whee! , wheeeeeeee!

This is a video of four dudes putting on a 2:00 synchronized indoor skydiving show. It's...a treat for the eyes. If you're into synchronized swimming but are pissed the Olympics aren't on TV, this is definitely for you. If you're into videos where people hurt themselves, it's not. It's like a beautiful ballet in the air. "That sounds frou-frou." Oh yeah? Well so does your name. "My name's Tom." Yeah but we all call you Twinkletoes.

Hit the jump, and give it at least ten seconds.

Continue Reading " Count Me In: Jurassic Park Themed Sex Hotel "

Jun 20 2011 Count Me In: Jurassic Park Themed Sex Hotel

MORE: dinosaurs , for a good time call , hotel hotel holiday inn , how much for a week? , i call the t-rex pen! , i've seen it all now , it's like they read my mind , jurassic park , now you're talking my language , rawr! , staycation! , vacation! , wow , yow yow

I thought all hotels were sex hotels, but what do I know? I'm just a man who's been banned from more continental breakfasts than I'd like to admit. Well this is a Jurassic Park themed sex hotel in Beppu, Japan. It's called 'Hotel Jzauruss' (I see what you did there -- and I'm surprised it got approved by the decency board!). $30 gets you 90 minutes of prehistoric pounding by a guy dressed in a velociraptor costume. Well, provided you know a guy with a velociraptor costume. Otherwise it just gets you the room. Alternatively, watch Jurassic Park on DVD and play with yourself. Hey, I'm not here to judge, I'm here to make fun of you after you do despite the fact I'd do the exact same thing. MY JUDGEYNESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, including the all-important bathroom tub and a price-sheet.

Continue Reading " Cheap!: $50 Star Wars Character Hoodies "

Jun 17 2011 Cheap!: $50 Star Wars Character Hoodies

MORE: characters , cheap , clothes , geek couture , get 'em while they're hot (or wait till they go on clearance i really don't care) , hoodie , star wars , sure why not , who are you supposed to be , you'll be the envy of the party!

Remember those limited edition Marc Ecko Star Wars hoodies that came out a few years ago? Those were pretty cool (well, except the $100+ price tags). These ones? Not as much. But they are less than half the price, so you won't get as pissed when you burn a hole in the chest shooting bottle rockets at a friend playing 'Boba Fett, Bounty Hunter' or whatever the f*** you weirdos do on weekends. Did I mention all three models COME WITH FULLY ZIPPABLE HOODS AND MESH EYEHOLES TO SEE OUT OF?! Because they do. Don't believe me? Hit the jump to see just how good you'll look wearing one like that. SPOILER: Not at all. Leia wouldn't even give you a second glance. "But..." Butt?! Your ass is even worse -- she'd probably vom!

Hit the jump for the hoodies zipped up and on people.

Continue Reading " What If: Mario Caught 2 Koopas Makin' Love? "

Jun 17 2011 What If: Mario Caught 2 Koopas Makin' Love?

MORE: i like tuttles , i would have done while invincible with the hammer bros. watching i'm just sayin' , making love not war , mario , nsfw , reptiles , sessy time! , super mario , turtles , you nasty! , yow yow!

Note: Video after the jump has some NSFW humping sounds, watch it with your ear to the speaker.

Ever wonder what kind of conversation might be had if Mario walked in on two koopas making sweet, reptilian love in the secret warp area of World 1-2? This kind. Maybe. Just sayin', turtles are so slow they probably wouldn't have even noticed until after Mario was already gone. Also -- is it true all female koopas are red and males are green? Because if so I may have had sex with a dude. "You mean a turtle?" No I mean a dude.

Hit the jump for the video. Also, for the very NSFW languaged 'Mario: Frustration' video because it will always be the best Mario video ever made.

Continue Reading " Gotta Catch 'Em AAAAAAHH!!: Pokemons IRL "

Jun 17 2011 Dreams Really Do Come True: Unicorn Bike

MORE: bicycle , but can it fly? , clever , i'm diggin' the hair , looks magical to me! , magical , manly , modder , sure why not , unicorn , yeaaaaaah buddy , yes i'm jelly! , your poor brother there has to ride a regular horse!

It's a uni-cycle. Get it?! Me neither, I hate myself (no I don't either, that was solid f**ing gold and you loved it).

Now I'm not saying Prince Humperdink here wasn't the envy of the entire kingdom that summer, I'm just saying his little sister probably lost her shit when she came home to find her bouncey horse had been mutilated. Plus I heard chubs got grounded for using the unicorn horn he found in his mom's nightstand.

Unicorn Bike [epicponyz]
via
The Best Bikes Are Custom Bikes [tosh.0]

Thanks to berger and Sharon, who didn't have unicycles growing up but did have Radio Flyer wagons. With the wheels missing...and no pull-handles. Um, guys? Are you sure those weren't just boxes your parents painted red?

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Jun 17 2011 Gotta Catch 'Em AAAAAAHH!!: Pokemons IRL

MORE: burning things with fire , characters , frightening , gaaaaaahh -- get away! , gotta try to not look at em all in the eyes , i feel some nightmares coming on! , irl , nintendo , photoshop , pokemon , real life , scary , sure why not , video games

This is a gallery of what a bunch of different Pokemons might look like in real life as imagined/Photoshopped together from pictures of different animals off the internet by Stephen Lefcourt (not to be confused with Stephen Leffield, who is a total crazy person). Now I know some of you love Pokemon stuff, and others hate it, but regardless of your feelings on your franchise you've got to admit at least two of these f***ers look like penises. Rated E for everyone my ass -- I'm not raising perverts!

Hit the jump for a gaggle more.

MORE: feet are what you stand on (although sometimes i do step on toes) , footwear , i can't keep a pair of shoes clean to save my life (don't even think about it jigsaw!) , kicks , mario , mashup , not bad , shoes , special edition , sure why not

Jun 17 2011 The Other Special Ed. Mario Converse Chucks

Special EDITION.

We saw the first two designs of the special edition release of Mario/Converse Chuck Taylors back in this post, and here are the other two designs (scheduled to drop in August). The first is of a Mario overworld scene, the second is of the final boss battle with Bowser. Both contain hidden images on the inside of the ankle-part. Personally, I'm not into novelty shoes, but that's because I only wear flip-flops. And not the expensive kind either -- the cheap rubber ones you can buy at the grocery store where if the little thong button pops out you can just jam it back in with a finger. You know, like the ones Jesus used to wear. "Jesus never wore those." HA -- how would you know, have you met him? "No, but I talk to him in prayer." And you asked about his shoes?!?!

Hit the jump for the other pair.

Continue Reading " The Other Special Ed. Mario Converse Chucks "

MORE: cartoons , characters , discovery , maybe if you spent more time sciencing and less time getting high watching cartoons this wouldn't have happened! , mushrooms , naming things , species , spongebob would eat that , yeah you did

Jun 17 2011 Dumbing Down The Taxonomy System: New Fungus Discovered, Named After Spongebob

Pfft -- do those pants LOOK square to you?

A new mushroom that "lives in the rain forest, under a tree" *puts gun in mouth* was recently discovered in Borneo and scientists have decided to name it after Spongebob Squarepants because of its similarity to the perpetually high sea-sponge. I dunno, I would have named it LOOOOOOOOFAH.

Shaped like a sea sponge, the bright orange (and sometimes purple) mushroom, Spongiforma squarepantsii, was discovered in the forests of Sarawak, Malaysia, on the island of Borneo in 2010, and just described in May in the journal Mycologia.

"It's just like a sponge with these big hollow holes," Desjardin said. "When it's wet and moist and fresh, you can wring water out of it and it will spring back to its original size. Most mushrooms don't do that."

Oh yeah? Well most rocks don't do that either, SO THERE. No word if the new shroom is psychedelic, but I am ready and willing to lather one in peanut butter to find out. "Shhhh -- don't tell him it's poisonous." I HEARD THAT -- ya'll are a bunch of @$$holes!

Meet SpongeBob Mushroom, a Funky New Fungus [livescience]

Thanks to Olivia, who knows a girl who named a dog 'cat' and gave it a complex. That's f***ed up.

Continue Reading " The Paper-Caped Crusader: Origami Batman "

Jun 17 2011 The Paper-Caped Crusader: Origami Batman

MORE: batman , folding , good job , good looking , i'm only good for cranes and paper hats , origami , paper , paper cut , psssst joker -- he's suspectible to fire-damage i'm just sayin' , the dark knight , what no robin?

Brian Chan, an origami enthusiast best known for his takes on Iron Man, WALL-E, the Montauk Monster, and just being an all around paper-folding badass (yes, those exist) created this paper Batman forever (get it? Like that 1995 turd 'Batman Forever'!) ago, buuuuuuut I'd never seen them so here they are. Pretty sweet, right? "Meh, I could do better." Could you? Everybody else -- raise your hand if you think Trolly McVainexistence here could fold a better Batman. You see that? Not a single person, including your own mother. "HE'S A DIRTY TROLL AND HIS FATHER AND I WANT HIM OUT OF OUR HOUSE FOR GOOD." Oh shit -- those are crying words!

Hit the jump for one more.

MORE: at first i was like 'yeah riot!' then i was like 'oooooh my balls they buuuuuuuuurn!' , dummy , i feel 0% sorry for you , idiot moron , looks painful , ouch , shot in the balls and you're to blame you give rioting a bad name , that's what you get , wiener surgery , you ought to be ashamed of yourself

Jun 17 2011 Idiot Rioter Takes Flashbang To Babymaker

Fire in your hole!

This is a short video of the Vancouver riots after Boston beat them in the Stanley Cup Finals. Rioting: it's not just for winning teams anymore. Anyway, Burntpeen Ohmyballs here takes a flashbang straight to the wiener. And he deserved it. You know, this reminds me of playing Counter-Strike back in the college dorms when every round would start with some asshat flashbanging the whole squad and then trying to team-kill as many people as possible while calling us all homos. Man, those were the good 'ol days, weren't they? No, they weren't. Those were the bad ol' days when I'd look up IP's on my clan's server and plan on driving to people's houses and choking them out with a piece of ethernet cable. The doctor says I have anger management issues. I call it a strong sense of vigilante justice.

Hit the jump for the double-firecrotching (he's a ginger) in action.

Continue Reading " Idiot Rioter Takes Flashbang To Babymaker "

Continue Reading " My Eyes Are Melting: Crazy Ring Tricks "

Jun 16 2011 My Eyes Are Melting: Crazy Ring Tricks

MORE: but can you spin a pen between your fingers? , did you just hypnotize me?! , eyes , holy smokes , i'm getting veeeeeery sleepy , illusions , mesmerizing , neat , next time you should set them on fire , ring

Today's episode of Sesame Street is brought to you by the letter 88.

I know the screencap doesn't do it justice, but watch this video if you haven't already seen it -- it's a real treat for the eyes. Do you like ice cream? Watching it is like your eyeballs eating an ice cream sundae. "I'm lactose intolerant." Of course you are. Well what about candy? What's your favorite candy? "Anything small enough to hide in my cheeks so my mom doesn't catch me and call me fat." JESUS. I was really trying not to drink today but now I don't know anymore.

Hit the jump for the video. If you get tired of the first routine skip past 1:00 for the second one.

Continue Reading " Where Not To Be During An Earthquake: Hardware Store Edition "

Jun 16 2011 Where Not To Be During An Earthquake: Hardware Store Edition

MORE: damn , disaster , earthquake , frightening , getting stuck in the head by things , holy smokes , home depot , natural disasters , nowhere to run -- nowhere to hide! , ouch , painful , scary , things falling on you

I live in LA and am officially never fixing anything ever again.

This is the security camera footage of a local hardware store in Christchurch, New Zealand during a recent magnitude 6.3 earthquake. As you will see, it's not the place you want to be when the world starts shaking. Standing in a doorframe making sweet, sweet love to a special ladyfriend, yes. I can see it now: "God, you WOULD let an earthquake do all the work!" HAHA -- damn bro, now that's f***in' lazy! (Double entendre -- count it)

Hit the jump for the STAY OUT OF THE HAMMER AISLE. (Action starts around 1:00, watch without volume)

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Jun 16 2011 American City Nicknames According To Twitter

MORE: cities , name don't fail me now , names , twitter , united states , united states of sadness , wtf? , yeah but why? and don't say because it sounds cool because it doesn't and you know it

Note: Much larger version HERE in case you're having trouble making out all of the "America's Buttholes".

This is a U.S. map showing major U.S. cities and their most popular nicknames as calculated via geotagged tweets. They're, uh, all pretty bad. I can see now why people think it's cool to name their children such ridiculous shit. "You know kids named Such Ridiculous Shit?!" No, but I did know a dog once named Butt Tongue McPartycrasher. Don't ask.
...
...
Dammit, I thought you'd still ask.
"Why Butt Tongue McPartycrasher?"
No no no -- it's too late now.

American City Names According To Twitter [laugingsquid]

Thanks to Jason, who, I'll never telllllllllllllll.

Comments ( 37 ) Digg Reddit

Jun 16 2011 SWITL Magic Condiment Picker-Upper: Now With More Convincing Video Footage

MORE: condiments , condiments make the sandwich , eating , holy smokes , i'll put it in the drawer with the electric can opener , just lick it off the table like a normal person , kitchen , magic , paper towels i'm just sayin' , sorcery , the future is now

Remember the SWITL magical condiment picker-upper that looked way too good to not be footage from the future? Well here's a demo of the the thing at Japan's recent Food Machinery & Technology Exhibition (FOOMA -- NOT FOOPA) that should finally put the "it's just the same footage played in reverse!" asshats to rest. Plus hopefully kill them. Per dude in the video:

The SWITL sheet is wrapped around a sliding plate, and it's fixed at one side while the plate moves, so items can be loaded and unloaded without altering relative positions. Currently, the sheet is made of Teflon.

BA-BOOSH, the magic is real! Also: my penis. "Really? Because it looks like two feet of garden hose hose stapled to a belt." Oh right -- like you've never seen a naked man before!

Hit the jump for the magic in action.

Continue Reading " SWITL Magic Condiment Picker-Upper: Now With More Convincing Video Footage "

Continue Reading " Tokyoflash Concept w/ Built-In Breathalyzer "

Jun 16 2011 Tokyoflash Concept w/ Built-In Breathalyzer

MORE: alcohol , because if there's one thing i love it's people breathing on my arm at the bar , clever , concept , drinking , drunk , not bad , safety first , sure why not , tokyoflash , watch , wrist candy

This is a conceptual Tokyoflash watch with a built-in breathalyzer for determining your sobriety. You know, I actually used to own a breathalyzer that I'd leave out whenever we threw a party so people could see how drunk they were. One time a friend got so wasted he blew ~~a 0.39~~ my roommate! Didn't you -- didn't you, Chris?! "It was an HJ." HAHA!

This concept is an LCD watch design which can be read at a glance because it has an 'always on' digital LCD display. It also features a multi-colored LED backlight, perfect for night time viewing. You simply have to touch the light function to illuminate the display.

After drinking, touch the button to activate the Alcohol Test Function, blow into the port and await the result. Your blood alcohol content reading gives an indication of your level of sobriety.

You know what the funny part is? All Tokyoflash designs have a built-in mechanism for measuring your sobriety: it's called reading the time. "Hey GW -- what time is it?" *trying to drink from ashtray* Huh? Oh -- LIKE SIX DOTS AND TWO SQUIGGLES. "I'll call a cab."

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a couple videos in case you're really struggling to understand the concept here.

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Jun 16 2011 Robin Williams & Daughter Zelda (Named After The Princess) Do Ocarina Of Time Commercial

MORE: advertising , celebrities , classics , commercial , franchise , i do want to at least see this on the 3ds but i tried playing street fighter and it made my head hurt , nintendo , sure why not , video games , zelda

This is a short commercial for the Nintendo 3DS release of 'Ocarina of Time' starring Robin Williams and his daughter Zelda, WHO READS GEEKOLOGIE and was named after Princess Zelda in 1989 after only the first two games had come out. Thankfully, he'd only played the first at the time and not 'The Adventure of Link', because there's no way he could have played that one and not named her 'Seriously, F*** That Last Palace'. I still haven't beat that shit.

Hit the jump for the commercial, along with a 4:00 interview of the two talking about why she was named Zelda, in which Robin clarifies it's not because of F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife (although that is where Miyamoto originally got the name).

Continue Reading " Robin Williams & Daughter Zelda (Named After The Princess) Do Ocarina Of Time Commercial "

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Jun 16 2011 'Realistic' Buzz Lightyear/Woody Action Figs

MORE: action figures , animation , artist , cartoons , characters , do like , eye candy , good job , holy smokes , i collect toys , keep up the good work , movies , pew pew bang bang bang , playing with toys , realistic , toys

These are two Buzz Lightyear and Woody action figures crafted by toymaker/modder Luis Eduardo Vargas Montoya, who has a pretty sweet name. My name is Luis Eduardo Vargas Montoya -- you killed my fish when I went on vacation and were supposed to feed them, prepare to take me to the pet store. I'm not sure if they were modded from existing toys or molded from scratch, but they're both pretty badass. I tried making my own action figure once by replacing the legs of a Thundercat (Jaga) with some from a Ninja Turtle and the head of a G.I. Joe, but Votron made fun of him so bad and he ended up setting himself on fire in the woods behind my house with my dad's cologne. Okay so I did that, but still. He wanted out.

Hit the jump for a ~~couple~~ trio more pics.

Continue Reading " 'Realistic' Buzz Lightyear/Woody Action Figs "

MORE: are you kidding me? , eating things you shouldn't , excuse me while i lose my breakfast , horf horf horf horf horf , lines: you've crossed them all , mcdonalds is interested , mexican-style corn burgers , nasty , no no no no no , worse than dumpster diving , wtf , you've gone too far japan

Jun 16 2011 #2 With A Coke: Burgers Made From Doodoo

You hear that? That was the Hamburglar swearing off his life of crime.

Seen here looking waaaaay too happy to be holding a bowl of shit, scientist Mitsyuki Ikeda shows off his hamburger patties made from buttmud. Actually human doodoo, yo. The dude's sick. Granted, I eat on the can -- but not out of it!

...the Japanese extracted protein from human poop, mixed it with soya, added steak sauce and called it hamburger patties.

Ikeda, to his credit, created these poop burgers in an effort to be resourceful and recycle human waste. He realized if he could use "sewage mud"...to formulate his burgers he could be completely efficient. Right now the burgers cost 10-20 times of regular meat because it factors in his research costs...

Wow, made from shit AND 20x the cost of a normal burger? I guess we'll only be seeing these at the finer restaurants! "Like Golden Corral?" Exactly like Golden Corral.

Oh I'm sorry, you thought this was a joke? Hit the jump for a news report video. But, WARNING: does contain footage of dude taking a big 'ol bite of a turdburger.

Continue Reading " #2 With A Coke: Burgers Made From Doodoo "

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Jun 15 2011 Pokémon As Street-Fightery Fighting Game

MORE: fan-made , fighting game , i've had a monster in my pocket before i'm just sayin' , needs more characters , not bad , pocket monsters , pokemon , reimagined , special moves? i've got a special move for you right here! *struttin' that ass* , video games

This is a 6-minute video of 'Pokémon Type: Wild', a fan-made (playable!) video game that re-imagines the turn-based franchise as a fast-action brawl complete with special-move animations. Admittedly, I do hate taking turns playing video games. I'm more of an crazed button masher. And by buttons I mean beans. And by masher I mean counter. I'm a bean counter, okay? A F***ING ACCOUNT. God I hate my life.

Hit the jump for the video and a link to the stand-alone downloadable game.

Continue Reading " Pokémon As Street-Fightery Fighting Game "

Continue Reading " 1939 Transparent Pontiac Up For Auction "

Jun 15 2011 1939 Transparent Pontiac Up For Auction

MORE: 300 do i hear 350? , auction , cars , clear , for sale , history , i can't believe this never caught on , i see you! , it's all clear (!!!!11) to me now , now how am i supposed to suck a dent out of that? , old , scratches that don't buff out , see-thru , transparent

The Pontiac Deluxe Six "Ghost Car" has an exterior built entirely out of Plexiglass in 1939 for display at the New York World's Fair so visitors would be all, "WHOA -- cars don't run on wizards?!" But seriously: do they or don't they? Because one guy told me it was fairies and I called him a dirty liar but now I'm starting to second-guess myself. "It actually is fairies." DAMMIT!

Fully operational, today the Pontiac has 86 miles on its odometer, apparently driven on its white rubber wheels - another show car touch.

After making the rounds as a promotional car following the fair, the Pontiac joined the collection at the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C., where it remained until 1947. Afterwards, it passed through a long succession of private owners before being purchased by a collector in the early 1980's.

It has been appraised at a price between $275,000 and $475,000, which is about the same amount that GM spent to build it in today's dollars.

Wow, what a great opportunity to own a piece of American history. "American history? That's not American history -- I want Lincoln's stovepipe hat!" Hoho, I don't realize I was dealing with such a discriminating collector! Will you settle for a boogie I chiseled out of his nose on Mt Rushmore?

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Libyan Truck-Mounted Tank Cannon: Now With More Truck-Mounted Weapon Friends "

Jun 15 2011 Libyan Truck-Mounted Tank Cannon: Now With More Truck-Mounted Weapon Friends

MORE: balls of bulletproof armor , couldn't do it , damn , fighting in the street , freedom , goodness gracious , holy smokes , homemade , libya , machine gun , not for me , rebel , rockets , tank , video , war , weapons

Geekologie Reader and photojournalist with balls at least 5x the international average (and 8x that of Geekologie Readers), David Adams was actually in Libya for the Battle of Sfett Hill (of trunk-tank fame), and took a bunch more footage of the fighting (and makeshift weapons used). It, uh, really makes me thankful to be sitting in a quiet, florescent-lighted office.

This battle took place on 6/6/11. The rebels from Qalaa and Zintan were successful in removing Gaddafi forces from Sffet Hill. The rebels use many makeshift weapons to get the job done.

One of the more interesting weapons I've heard about, but haven't seen yet, is a 14.5mm gun with two grad rocket tubes mounted on the side.

Also, I had to take a pee break in the middle of the fight. sorry.

Video by Colin Summers and David Adams. Colin used a GOPRO mounted on his nikon while I used a canon 7d for video.

Not gonna lie, David, I would've just pissed my pants. And not because I'm some sort of hardcore photojournalist afraid of missing a moment on film, but because I would've just been pissing my pants in fear the entire time. And crying. Lots of crying. HARD.

Hit the jump for the holy smokes.

Continue Reading " Sadness: Shoebox iPad Concert Diorama "

Jun 15 2011 Duke Nukem Forever Is Out, Apparently Sucky

MORE: a long wait for a little reward , booboo , disappointment , fps , i would have bailed on development long ago , i'm got a whole list of games i still need to play anyway , iconic , not the king! , of course it does , oh well , sadness , shame , video game , why am i not surprised? , womp womp

Almost 15-years in painful development, Duke Nukem: Forever dropped in the U.S. yesterday and apparently isn't very good. Like, its reviews have pretty much blown. I'm talking alien wieners here, folks. Green, tentacled ones. "With eyeballs?" *barf* YOU'VE SEEN ONE WITH EYES?!

1UP.com F

Edge 3/10

Eurogamer 3/10

GameSpot (PC) 3.5/10

(X360) 3/10

GamesRadar 6/10

IGN 5.5/10

PALGN 5/10

PC Gamer US 80/100

Joystiq 2/5 stars

Ouch. Admittedly, I'm not surprised. You can't revive the King after ten years and still expect him to shit gold. You'd be lucky if it was flecked with craft glitter! Which, based on the reviews, is exactly what it is. Thoughts? Feel free to leave them in the comments, just don't expect anybody to care.

Duke Nukem Forever on Wikipedia (because I'm a hard-hitting investigative journalist)

Thanks to Joe, who actually tried polishing a turd once with disastrous results. God, please tell me you weren't using a belt sander.

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Jun 15 2011 Sadness: Shoebox iPad Concert Diorama

MORE: clever , concert , damn now i wanna build a diorama , different strokes for different folks , diorama , fanboy , getting high in your room and staring into a shoebox , good job , hmm , iffy , ipad , it's like being right there! , music , saving money , sure why not

Concerts: they're expensive, and a lot of times security will still try to kick you out for smoking weed. Thankfully, intrepid Geekologie Reader Gary Katz (best known for his Apple Store diorama and visual history of Apple products -- I think he might be a fanboy) came up with a solution. A sad as shit solution, but a solution: the shoebox iPad concert diorama. Basically you take a shoebox, add an iPad playing your favorite concert and a couple of rows of cut-out concert goers, and PRESTO, it's like being right there. No, no it's not. But it is like watching a concert on an iPad through two holes you cut in a shoebox. Which -- could it get any better? Only if you're wearing a vintage concert tee!

Hit the jump for the concert in progress and a brief tutorial of how to make your own.

Continue Reading " Hotdog Slicer Cuts Hotdogs Into Little People "

Jun 15 2011 Hotdog Slicer Cuts Hotdogs Into Little People

MORE: a$$holes and elbows , are you kidding me? , hotdog , i don't usually eat things shaped like people except gingerbread men , i want mine naked! , lips and wieners , little people , lolwut , lunch , nasty , of course , people , pigs , playing with your food , real products

Because how good can a hotdog really taste if it doesn't look like a little penis-person, Happy Hotdog Man DOES JUST THAT. Prefer your dogs to look like octopi? No problem, for some ungodly reason that exists too! Happy Hotdog Man, which (as pointed out by tipster Alan -- a self-proclaimed hotdog fanatic) is probably just a rebranded FrankFormer, making this article waaaaaay too in-depth about hotdog cutters than I ever wanted I'd write. So yeah, Happy Hotdog Man, it's (no lie) "a toy your kids can eat". God -- it's about time! Did you hear that, GW Jr.? I SAID SPIT OUT THE G.I. JOE.

Hit the jump for a terrible, terrible, terrible commercial.

Jun 15 2011 DIY Surgery: Man Removes Wart w/ Shotgun

MORE: at least it wasnt on his face , blowing shit up , blowing yourself up , dammit darwin get on the ball , finger food , fingers? where we're going we don't need fingers , shotgun , smart , surgery

The last thing that wart ever saw.

Sean Murphy, a 38-year old security guard from South Yorkshire, England, had an annoying wart on the 3rd knuckle (closest to the nail) of his left middle finger for five years. But one day, having had enough (frustration AND to drink), he decided to blow it off with a stolen 12-gauge shotgun at a local garden center. "JESUS -- how'd he even survive to 38?!" You've got me.

"I didn't expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it but the gun recoiled and that was it. The wart was gone and so was most of my finger. There was nothing left, so no chance to re-attach it."

He also landed in court for using an illegal firearm, and was handed a 16-week suspended prison sentence.

Murphy was told at Doncaster Magistrates' Court that the offence carried a maximum 15 year term.

But he said: "The best thing is that the wart has gone. It was giving me lot of trouble."

Hey, as long as its not bothering you anymore, that's the important part. You just better pray you don't end up with ass warts from a prison commode. I don't even want to know how he'd get rid of those, but my guess is sitting on an industrial fan. Don't forget to tape up your balls! (Relax, I've done this before)

Security guard tries to remove wart from finger with a shotgun [yorkshirepost]

Thanks to Peter, who shaves with a ninja sword and isn't afraid to get down on some DIY surgery.

MORE: cut them off! , did not like , fingers , frightening , hands , scary , they way that one hand moves so quick reminds me of how the ghost-people move in 'house on haunted hill' which yes is the scariest movie i'm willing to watch , they're getting good , wtf did i just watch?

Jun 15 2011 Robot Hands: They're Better Than Yours

This is a video demonstrating just how well robotic hands can do things like 1. dribble a ball 2. throw a ball 3. throw and catch a cell phone 4. making me a piddle a little because I haven't gone to the bathroom since waking up 5. tie a knot 6. spin pens between their fingers and 7. pick up thing with tweezers. It shows some of the same footage as this video from 2009, but with a bunch of new stuff as well. I highly recommend watching the first 0:25 and then skipping around to see just what they're capable of. It's...unsettling. Like *spit-take* finding a f***ing bug in your morning coffee! *smashing* YOU'LL NEVER STEAL MY SECRETS, COMMIES!

Hit the jump for 3:00 of unarguably disturbing footage.

Continue Reading " Robot Hands: They're Better Than Yours "

Jun 14 2011 Egyptian Man To Fight Lion, Revive Tourism

MORE: bad ideas , battle to the sadness , dying in vain , egypt , fighting , gladiator , i'd rather fight a tank , not a big thinker are you? , publicity stunt , tourism , tourist attraction , wtf is wrong with you? , wtf were you thinking , you're f***ing nuts bro

Seen here with a previous conquest (which may or may yes be an 'I Love You' edition Build-A-Bear), al Sayed al Essawy, the self-proclaimed world's strongest man (despite never competing in those contests I've seen on ESPN) plans to fight a 10-year old, 500-lb lion in front of the pyramids to revive Egypt's struggling tourism. Not gonna lie: I would've looked into running a Groupon first. Fear not though, al Sayed doesn't want to actually kill the lion, just tie it up. The lion? The lion's gonna want to put guy's head in its mouth and chew. Dude does know the "world's strongest man" is still < A F***ING LION, right?

Al-Masry: What about animal lovers? Are you aware of how many people your lion-fighting plans have angered? People are threatening to boycott Egypt and any Egyptian products because of you.

Essawy: That's because they don't understand what I'm going to do. They think I'm going to kill the lion. I'm not going to kill it, nor will I be armed with a sword or dagger - those are all false reports circulated by the media for reasons I don't understand.

Al-Masry: So, you're not going to kill the lion?

Essawy: No. Unless it's a matter of life or death, in which case I will be forced to kill it.

Al-Masry: When is fighting a lion not a matter of life or death?

Essawy: It's up to the lion. If he chooses to withdraw, or surrender, and lets me tie him up, then I will not kill him and the fight will end. But, like I said, if it comes down to either me or him, I will have to kill him. But I don't want to kill the lion, nor am I planning on it. I want to make that clear.

There's an entire interview if you follow the link in which al Insaneo talks a bunch of other contradictory craziness about the fight, his training, and all around bat-shit insanity that can only be explained by a life of demanding people "hit me as hard as you can, I can take it." If it's a fair fight, dude's gonna get his face mauled off.

Q&A with Egypt's Gladiator: Fight with Lion still on! [almasryalyoum]
and
Al-Sayed al-Essawy, Egyptian 'Gladiator,' Hopes Lion Fight Will Boost Egypt's Waning Tourism Trade [huffingtonpost]
and
Picture

Thanks to Andrew, who agrees if this turns into al Sayad and a guy dressed as Lion-O greco-Roman wrestling in a kiddy pool full of baby oil that shit is gonna be hot. "I didn't say that." I know, I said it for you.

MORE: fancy , feet , feet are what you stand on (although sometimes i do step on toes) , footwear , shoe bombs , shoes , shoes? where we're going we don't need shoes , sure why not , you're not getting past airport security with those i'm just sayin'

Jun 14 2011 Goofy Sandal Records Your Every Move In A Quest To Build You THE ULTIMATE SHOE

Forget my ultimate shoe, I want a pair of those!

Seen here looking way too much like a shoe bomb to not be one, ForceShoes were designed to record every movement of a victim's foot to determine the severity of impairment following a stroke. But now they want to use them to make you THE ULTIMATE PAIR OF SNEAKERS. *slam-dunks Subway napkin I've been using to pick boogers all morning*

The sandals are not a fully commercial product yet, but researchers from the University of Twente believe there is potential for applications other than medicine. For example, SmartShoes could be used in the area of ergonomics. "You can use the shoe to form an objective impression of the physical burden placed on people in their work situation. This is something that insurance companies are very interested in", says Prof. Peter Veltink, who leads the research group behind the device. Other possible applications include analyzing performances of top-level athletes or other sportsmen.

Sure researchers could do that, or we could just all commit to only wearing sandals. You know, LIKE ~~NORMAL PEOPLE~~ hippies. Speaking of which -- did I ever tell you I used to date a chick who never shaved her armpits? Of course not, I WAS EMBARRASSED.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the shoes on in case you were wondering what kind of accessories they might go with. SPOILER: Velcro calf-bands.

Continue Reading " Goofy Sandal Records Your Every Move In A Quest To Build You THE ULTIMATE SHOE "

Continue Reading " Meme Drink Menu: Double Facepalm Please! "

Jun 14 2011 Meme Drink Menu: Double Facepalm Please!

MORE: alcohol , bar , booze , cool , cute , different strokes for different folks , drinking the memes away , drinking the memories away , drinks , glug glug glug , internets , meme , renaming things , sure why not

This is a meme-themed drink menu from the AFK (away from keyboard, noobs!) Tavern in Everett, Washington. I don't know about you, but I would drink all of those. Then puke. Then do it all over again. "You have a problem." Oh yeah, since when is appreciating an internet meme a problem?! "I meant the drinking. You're a worthless alcoholic." HA -- nice try, troll, but you can't get to me!

*fires up webcam* GOD, THEY CAN JUST BE SO HURTFUL!! *cries until my nose is running*

Hit the jump for their regular drink menu with a ton of other computer/geek references and a link to their website.

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Jun 14 2011 Not Foolin' Anyone: Marvel Superhero Hoodies

MORE: geek couture , hoodie , I'd rock one of those , impersonating a superhero , not bad , pretending you're something you're not , superheroes , wow you can still get hoodies for less than $60? , you think i could charge tourists $5 to take a picture with me if i don one of these on hollywood blvd?

This is a line of Marvel superhero/supervillain hoodies for sale by ThinkGeek. As you can see, they come in Spiderman, Venom and Captain America varieties and will set you back $50 apiece. And that's for any size -- including 2XL. Now that's what I call taking your target demographic into consideration! Get it? Because I'm overweight. Just sayin', you wanna know the last time I saw my toes? During last month's pedi. God, I'm not THAT bad! (Yes I am too they could've painted little penises on my nails for all I know).

ThinkGeek Product Site
via
Marvel Superhero Hoodies [laughingsquid]

A special shoutout to Patty Mayonnaise -- get better soon, we're thinking about you.

Continue Reading " Safety Second: Tank Turret Welded To Truck "

Jun 14 2011 Safety Second: Tank Turret Welded To Truck

MORE: boom , frankentank , homemade , i'm on a tank! , looks iffy , not giving a f*** , safety last , weapons , welding things to other things to make questionable other things , would not want to be near , yeah i'm just gonna stand waaaaaaaaaay over here , yikes!

Please tell me you engaged the emergency brake this time.

Libyan rebels, best known for having their plutonium stolen from them by Doc Brown to power the time machine (jk, those were terrorists, not rebels), are back at it, this time welding a tank turret to a pickup truck and firing it. Not gonna lie, I wouldn't want to be the one standing behind that thing when it goes off. Or beside it. Ooooooooor in front of it. Basically what I'm saying is nowhere is safe when you're dealing with a homemade tank.

Hit the jump for the 'admittedly, I would still drive that' in action.

Continue Reading " Fluid Dynamics: Watch As 'Mixed' Color Drops Come Back Together Right Before Your Eyes "

Jun 14 2011 Fluid Dynamics: Watch As 'Mixed' Color Drops Come Back Together Right Before Your Eyes

MORE: colors , crazy , do it again -- slower , fluid dynamics , here -- let me help you: "fake fake fake! they just reversed the video!" , holy smokes , magic , magic tricks , neato , physics , video , witchcraft , wtf did i just watch

This is video of a science experiment demonstrating laminar flow (not to be confused with heavy flow, which may warrant a super-max tampon). Since I suck at fluid dynamics to the point of hosing my legs every time I take a piss (even sitting!), here's a copy/pasted explanation of WTF's going on.

...a fluid with a sufficiently low Reynolds number will flow along distinct paths in parallel layers (like fanning a deck of cards), thereby preventing disruption of the fluid. What is the Reynolds number, you ask?

The Reynolds number, R, is the dimensionless combination:

R=ρνR/η

in which ρ is the density, ν the speed of the fluid, R the size of the flow, and η the viscosity.

Translation? The fluid, despite appearances, will NOT blend (at least not in the way we're used to seeing fluids blend), and can be returned to its initial state by simply reversing the direction of mixing, as demonstrated by the colored droplets which return to their initial states.

So like, could I use this to descramble the nudie cable channels or what? No? Well will it help me learn how to do the most damage to a urinal puck with my pee stream? No? Just more 'science' for the Insane Clown Posse to rap about? F***in' toilet flushes -- how do they work?

Hit the jump for a video of the sorcery.

Jun 14 2011 Humans + Jellyfish DNA = Laser Vision?

MORE: biology , eyeballs , glowing , green , humans , i wear my sunglasses at night so i can...not burn a hole in your face , iffy , jelly , just because you can totally means you should , laser-vision , lasers , looking cool , pew pew pew! , questionable , sign me up , yeah but why?

Smooth move Cyclops, now the building's on fire.

Because what good is science if we can't all shoot lasers out of our eyeballs and take staring contests to a whole new level, researchers have successfully spliced jellyfish DNA into human cells, allowing them to produce biological lasers. It's gonna be like a giant game of Asteroids happening inside you!

All it takes to make a laser is something that lights up, plus a structure that can amplify and focus that light into a coherent beam. In the case of these biolasers, human kidney cells have been genetically enhanced to produce the proteins that make jellyfish glow.

These glowing cells were stuck between two tiny mirrors barely bigger than the cell itself, and when the cell was energized with blue light through a microscope, it fired out a bright green directional laser beam that was visible to the naked eye, just like a little laser pointer.

BOOSH, laser pointer eyes. I have no concept what purpose they'd serve besides looking cool, but isn't that the most important purpose anyway? It is. *trying to find straw my with tongue without looking*

Scientists combine humans with jellyfish to create living lasers [dvice]

Thanks to Eli, who's worried Cyclops might not feel so special anymore.

Continue Reading " Iron Man Mk 1 Suit Gets Worn To Work "

Jun 14 2011 Iron Man Mk 1 Suit Gets Worn To Work

MORE: casual fridays , cosplay , costume , good looking , homemade , i am iron man doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo , impressive , iron man , scaring your coworkers , the mark one never really gets the attention it deserves

Nobody told me it was bring your superhero to work day.

A Chinese telecom worker, having decided casual Fridays were just way too f***ing casual, decided to show up for work last week in his homemade Iron Man Mk 1 costume, scaring the tech-supporting shit out of his coworkers, who probably assumed he was the lovechild of the Tin Man and a Terminator coming back to seek revenge for poor cell phone reception or something. That, or that he was a walking time-bomb.

'No colleagues knew my mission, and some of them froze there in seeing me approach,' he said.

'Some were even screaming for being scared.'

He began building the costume at the end of February and it took him around three months to complete, at a cost of around $450.

But Wang said the effort had been well worth it - with his costume drawing praise from his bosses and compliments from women.

He claimed some had even 'fallen in love' with him because of it.

'They said I am a happy and creative man, and they wanted to know me,' he said.

Oh sure, this guy wears a homemade Iron Man suit to work and gets praised by his bosses and worshipped by women and I wear my Superman pajama set and get "sent home early" and "asked why there's skid marks on the ass." THEY'RE FROM A BOTCHED LANDING, GOD.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video that really could have used a tripod/not a spaz filming.

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Jun 13 2011 Freaking Out: Transparent Plane Concept

MORE: clear , i like to sleep from takeoff to touchdown , if we had all the things people in the 1950's thought we'd have by now things would be different , iffy , not sure how i feel about that , plane , transportation , transportation of the future

Credit: Wonder Woman wants some.

Airbus recently unveiled this transparent-skinned (like those Christmas light ants!) plane concept and is billing it as 'the plane of 2050'. GOD, FORGET PLANES, I JUST WANT A JETPACK. Oooooooor a zipline.

First, business and economy cabins are replaced by zones for relaxation in the front, work in the back, and a fully-stocked bar for socialising.

Passengers will be able to see everything to the sides and in front of them. So blindfolds might be handy come take-off and landing time.

The aircraft's walls change according to light conditions. There are holographic pop-up gaming displays and in-flight entertainment powered by the heat of passengers' bodies.

Most of the basic technology such as moulding seats and 'head-up displays' already exist, but how Airbus plan to make the plant-based, transparent 'skin' of the plane remains a mystery.

Yeaaaaaaaah, I actually like to sleep on flights without the sun trying to burn a hole though me. I say we just skip right over the transparent plane thing and build a teleporter. Or a Chick-Fil-A closer to my house, I'm not trying to be difficult here.

Hit the jump for a couple more conceptual shots.

Continue Reading " Freaking Out: Transparent Plane Concept "

Continue Reading " Custom Made Zelda Characters Chess Set "

Jun 13 2011 Custom Made Zelda Characters Chess Set

MORE: board games , characters , chess , cool , daddy likes , do want , franchise , games , good job , good lookin' , hand-made , homemade , i like , i'm more of a chinese checkers guy myself , is this the one that can move diagonally? , yes please , zelda

This is a custom-molded chess set by Ben Howard (NOT Ron) featuring a bunch of different characters from the Zelda franchise. Need some help naming them all? WELL TOO BAD. Just kidding, I wouldn't leave you hanging like that. Or would I? I'd sneak out on you right in the middle of dinner! Plus slash your tires.

GOOD SIDE
King: Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule
Queen: Princess Zelda
Bishops: Zoras
Knights: Links
Rooks: Gorons
Pawns: Deku Sprites

BAD SIDE
King: Ganondorf
Queen: Veran
Bishops: Wizzrobes
Knights: Moblins
Rooks: Octoroks
Pawns: Chu Jellies

Great job, Ben, I want a set. For display, I'm actually the world's worst chess player. Like, real bad. Most of my friends won't even play with me anymore because I always start with the exact same move: stuffing all their pieces in my mouth. UNO!

Hit the jump for a couple more closeups, but you really need to check out the high-res shots at Ben's website if you like them.

Continue Reading " DIY 'High Speed Stop Motion Video Camera' "

Jun 13 2011 DIY 'High Speed Stop Motion Video Camera'

MORE: but i don't have a pulse generator! , camera , diy , high speed , making things on the cheap , not bad , oh man i used to shoot guns in my garage , pew pew! , photography , pulse generators are expensive , shooting guns , sure why not , video camera

This is a video from Youtuber Smarter Every Day (I'm the opposite and almost drowned in my Carnation Instant Breakfast this morning), best known for that video where he shakes a chicken and its head never moves , with what he's calling a 'DIY high-speed video camera'. Per the man himself because I'm sucky explainer:

I've cluged together a way to capture high speed video of repetitive events at much higher resolution than any commercial high speed camera on the market. It's basically high-speed-photography-stop-motion. If you're familiar with the awesome work of Alan Sailer it's like that, only my flash duration is longer than his. I repeat the same event over and over at a slightly different delay time (in my case 50 microseconds or so) and basically yield a cool video.

Pretty neat right? I was going to make one myself of me jumpkicking one of those giant stuffed animals you win at an amusement park but I don't have one because all those games are rigged. $100 says all the people you see walking around with the big prizes are actually undercover employees. "I've won one before." Seriously?! "No, but I did puke on a rollercoaster after not giving a hotdog time to digest." OMG, ME TOO! Did it hit anybody? Because mine splattered people. You could tell how good a chewer I am.

Hit the jump for the video. Gun actually fired around 2:00 and match head destruction around 2:50.

Jun 13 2011 Must Collect 'Em All!: Sexy Pokemon Cosplay

MORE: cosplay , different strokes for different folks (and these guys are into some pretty krinky strokes) , my bad , playing dress up , pokeballs , pokemon , sessy time! , sorry , sure why not , trickery , woops , yow yow

Note: Larger version HERE because you're into this.

Tricked: You just got it. "UGH -- GOD I HATE YOU SOMETIMES, GW!" Yeah well I hate you back double so there. Circle, circle, dot, dot, now my nips can shoot laserbeams or whatever.

pokemon: manly cosplay [epizponyz]
via
Pokemon Cosplay of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Brian, who pointed out Misty has a stuffed animal for a wiener. Good eyes.

Continue Reading " Girl Power!: Impractical Solar Paneled Bikini "

Jun 13 2011 Girl Power!: Impractical Solar Paneled Bikini

MORE: bikini , charger , electricity , fake! , impractical , ladies , shocking , swimming , this isn't a bald spot it's a solar panel for a sex machine , those knockers look like they won't move even if she's running , womens , yeah but why

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

This is a solar paneled bikini designed to produce enough electricity to charge a cell phone or other equivalent gadgetry. It's been in development since 2006 which is weird because it shouldn't take five years to make a solar paneled bikini. I could do that in an afternoon with a hot glue gun and still have enough time left over to glue a handful of popsicle sticks to my wiener. "For support?" No stupid, I'm into Pinocchio cosplay YES FOR SUPPORT. If I were a lady (which, based on the size of my moobs alone you'd swear I was) I would like, wear a regular bikini and just plug my phone in somewhere (or go topless!). Unfortunately, my body isn't exactly "bikini ready". *shaving tit hair* TO THE BEACH!

Hit the jump for one more of this girl and a bunch of closeups on a mannequin.

Continue Reading " Another Day, Another Trombone Flamethrower "

Jun 13 2011 Another Day, Another Trombone Flamethrower

MORE: band , different strokes for different folks , everybody needs a hobby , fireball! , flames , flamethrower , horn , instruments , sure why not , that looks dangerous , tooting , we're getting the flaming band back together , you just set the entire woodwind section on fire

We're getting the flaming band back together.

This isn't the first flamebone we've seen, this one's just new and improved. Also, one of tens of Youtube videos of instruments that shoot fire. I honestly didn't know that was a thing people were into. Anyway, this one can shoot fireballs 21-feet and produces a 150-foot concussive wave (not unlike a GW cannonball off the high-dive!). Admittedly, it does kind of makes me wish I'd played the flaming trombone in band instead of a flute. Thats right -- I was a flutist AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT. Unless it's my girlfriend, in which case I played the big drum.

Hit the jump for the "does your mom know you have that?"

Continue Reading " World's Smallest Ad Printed On Beard Hair "

Jun 13 2011 World's Smallest Ad Printed On Beard Hair

MORE: advertising , facial hair , hair , hair removal , i can't read that! , i feel like i'm gonna die , microsope , now back to curing cancer , razor , shaving with peanut butter , small , tiny , world's

This is the Guinness Record holder for the world's smallest ad (yes, apparently there's a category for that), commissioned by Gillette and etched onto a beard hair (or is it a pube?) using an electron microscope and ionic blaster. The entire thing is only 100-microns across. How big are microns? Giant compared to yourcrons! Get it?! Me neither, but I'm still considering it a successful burn. *clips on sunglasses*

Hit the jump for a brief "making of" video.

Continue Reading " I'd Hit It: Spinosaurus Balloon Dinosaur "

Jun 13 2011 I'd Hit It: Spinosaurus Balloon Dinosaur

MORE: air , art , balloon , dino , dinosaur , good job , good looking , i want one! , make me a hat! , one time i was blowing up a balloon and it popped -- never again , pop it! , sessy time , sure why not

This is a giant balloon Spinosaurus created by Larry Moss. Larry calls his balloon art "airigami" and "the art of folding air" (balloon artists: they can be pretentious). I just call it balloon art. Also, great for a kid's birthday party. Hey mister hey mister -- I want a wiener dog and a sword! No, no I don't. I want to go back in time and not eat three bowls of red curry "AS HOT AS YOU CAN MAKE IT -- TRY TO HURT ME!" right before bed last night. Holy God I think I'm gonna die.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of this one and a t-rex.

MORE: airplane , dropping things , geronimo! , holy smokes , humming , nighttime is the right time , parachute , wheeeeeeee! , you think they'll let me sit in one and play with the gearshift making 'vroom vroom' noises?

Jun 10 2011 Military Truck Drop: Watching Hummers Parachute Out The Back Of An Airplane

Shotgun!

Ever wanted to see four Hummers get sucked out the back of an airplane in the dead of night over Iraq? Relax bro, I've got you covered. Unless it's your privates cause your swim trunks ripped or a bar fight, in which case we've never met and you don't even look familiar. Or remotely respectable. God, now even I wanna take a swing at you.

Hit the jump for the 0:45 video. First truck doesn't go until 0:20 though in case you're the world's most impatient person.

Continue Reading " Military Truck Drop: Watching Hummers Parachute Out The Back Of An Airplane "

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Jun 10 2011 Pure Unadulterated Sadness: TRON Guy Does 'America's Got Talent'. IT. GOES. HORRIBLY.

MORE: costume , does he make a living being tron guy? , i'm working towards a belly like that , icon , reality , sadness , shows , television , that poor bastard , this is why you can't have nice things america , tron , you gotta let your nuts breathe bro! oh who am i kidding

This is a video of TRON guy Jay Maynards (as in, *kick* OOOOH MAYNARDS!) "performing" on 'America's Got Talent', a freakshow where three questionably talented judges gauge the talent of a bunch of weirdos. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Unfortunately for the Matrix or whatever, TRON guy performs about as well as a computer loaded with shifty porn site viruses and doesn't make the cut. Wow, who would've thought telling the story of how you became an internet celebrity ("OMG -- have you seen the picture of that fat guy in the TRON leotard?!?!") wouldn't be deemed talent-worthy? SPOILER: TRON Guy. :/

Hit the jump for three full minutes of sadness.

Continue Reading " Pure Unadulterated Sadness: TRON Guy Does 'America's Got Talent'. IT. GOES. HORRIBLY. "

Comments ( 69 ) Digg Reddit

Jun 10 2011 Robot Can Make Cookies From Stab Scratch

MORE: baked with poison , baking , burn it with a kitchen fire! , cookies , cookies and milk , do not trust , slow-poke , they wouldn't even hire you at the cookie place at the mall! , why? , would not eat

PR2, the creepy-as-f*** looking robot that comes with both male-pleasure and grocery bagging capabilities, is back at it, this time adding and mixing chocolate chip cookie ingredients. The video is sped up 20x though, and it still takes him 4-minutes, meaning it'd take over an hour to prepare the dough even prior to baking, making those prepackaged Pillsbury refrigerated rolls far more practical. Speaking of which -- God that shit is good. I'm not proud of it, but one time I ate an entire package in on sitting. I got diarrhea BUT I'D DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT.

Hit the jump for robo Betty Crocker in action.

Continue Reading " Robot Can Make Cookies From ~~Stab~~ Scratch "

Jun 10 2011 Eatensil: A Swiss Army Knife For The Kitchen

MORE: but why? , eating , finger food , god just eat with your hands like a normal person , one time i accidentally bit my finger eating chicken nuggets true story , questionable , ridiculous , sure why not , swiss army wtf , utensils

The Eatensil is exactly what it sounds like. "An edible pencil?!" Okaaaaaaaay, maybe not. They really should have called it the Chopsitckpizzacuttersporknifewoodenthingybottleopener, which, I think we can all agree, really rolls off the tongue. Also, marbles when your mom pries your mouth open after asking if you've been eating your toys again. But I like they way they feel in my cheeks! One time I even got to go to the emergency room after stuffing four Hotwheels wheels up my nose! True story.

The Eatensil: For All Those Times You Need a Pizza Cutter on the Go [gizmodo]

Thanks to Gretel, who should have left a trail of uncooked spaghetti noodles or something instead of bread.

MORE: animated gif , awesome , back to the future , bttf , ghostbusters , movies , neat , neon , now actually make some , star wars , who you gonna call? (the neon light repairman) , you're putting my sierra nevada beer neon to shame (but not really because that thing is the shit)

Jun 10 2011 Awesome Animated Star Wars Neon Signs

This is a small series of conceptual neon signs by Twitterer/Tumblr'r Mr Whaite. Personally, I think the AT-AT one would look great in my rumpus room. Ha, rumpus room -- like I have a rumpus room! I live in a studio -- my kitchen and bathroom are practically the same. Get it? I pee in the sink and eat on the john. "You nasty!" Am I? *resting sub on toilet tank*

Hit the jump for other movie neons, including Back to the Future, Psycho, Pulp Fiction and Ghostbusters.

Continue Reading " Awesome Animated Star Wars Neon Signs "

Continue Reading " The Ol' "3-D Pit Illusion" Painted On Sidewalk "

Jun 10 2011 The Ol' "3-D Pit Illusion" Painted On Sidewalk

MORE: 3d , eye candy , eye tricks , eyeballs , i saw this yesterday , i'm a tourist attraction! , illusions , jumping in holes , looks dangerous , magic , neato , tourist attraction , tourists , trickery , video

DOOOOOOOOOOOO IT!

3-D illusion artist Erik Johansson (not to be confused with Edward Mueller or Julian Beever, who do the same thing) painted this illusion in Stockholm at Sergels torg. It's called 'Mind your step', and appears (from a single angle anyway) to be...A PIT OF DESPAIR. Well, at least until a group of assholes march across the thing like they do in the video. No, really, thanks a lot guys, THANKS FOR RUINING MY VACATION. Reminds me of the video of me at the zoo as a kid. You know, the one with a giraffe in the background RUBBING HIS GIANT ALIEN WIENER AGAINST THE FENCE. "To completion?!" You're sick. (Yes to completion!)

Hit the jump for a video of the the thing and the 'Leap of Faith' scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade BECAUSE IT'S APPROPRIATE.

Jun 10 2011 British City Government Forced To Admit Its 'Unpreparedness' For A Zombie Apocalypse

MORE: always be prepared , apocalpyse , better safe than sorry , boyscouts , britain , chopping the heads off things , of course somebody did , pfft -- a government plan would suck anwyays , plan b: develop a plan a , we need a plan! , zombie apocalypse , zombies

After a concerned citizen (read: nutjob) presented Leicester City with a Freedom of Information request concerning its emergency plan for a zombie attack, city council officials were forced to admit there wasn't one. *mind explodes*

Ms Wyeth [head of information governance] said she was unaware of any specific reference to a zombie attack in the council's emergency plan, however some elements of it could be applied if the situation arose.

"To you it might seem frivolous and a waste of time... but to different people it actually means something," said Ms Wyeth.

Admittedly, the U.S. Center for Disease Control does have a nationwide plan in place in the event we get hit with an outbreak, the only problem is: it's a terrible one. No, you know what we really need? A floating city. "Ha, been watching the 'Bioshock: Infinite' trailers again?" MAYBE.

Leicester City Council 'not ready' for zombie attack [bbcnews]

Thanks to Ferris, Global, MrChivers, Jack P, Darren and Spikey DaPikey, who actually do have plans in place, all of which involve beheading the shit out of some zombies.

Continue Reading " MOAR TUBES, MOAR TUBES!: Internet Use To Quadruple By 2015, The Infographic "

Jun 10 2011 MOAR TUBES, MOAR TUBES!: Internet Use To Quadruple By 2015, The Infographic

MORE: damn , even in 4 years only 40% of the world's population will have internet access -- that's nuts , getting your learn on , grower not a shower , growing , holy moly , infographic , internets , learning by looking , series of tubes , tubes , world

Note: This isn't the whole graphic, you'll have the jump to see it all. My wiener? A hop, skip AND the jump.

So apparently global internet use is expected to quadruple by 2015 (if we can make it that long!), to one zettabyte a year. "How big is that compared to a breadbox?" What were you, born in the 1800's? NOBODY USES BREADBOXES FOR SIZE-COMPARISON ANYMORE.

By that time, nearly 3 billion people will be using the Internet -- more than 40% of the world's projected population. On average, there will be more than two Internet connections for each person on Earth, driven by the proliferation of web-enabled mobile devices.

Internet traffic is projected to approach 1 zettabyte per year in 2015 -- that's equivalent of all the digital data in existence in 2010. Regionally speaking, traffic is expected to more than double in the Middle East and Africa, where there will be an average of 0.9 devices per person for a projected population of 1.39 billion. Latin America is close behind, with a 48% increase in traffic and an estimated 2.1 devices per person among a population of 620 million.

Damn! Even in another four years only 40% of the world's population will have access to the internet? That's f***ing nuts! Or, should I say, huts. "Don't be culturally insensitive, GW." My bad.

Hit the jump for the whole graphic.

Continue Reading " HOVERBIKE!!: 'Speeder-Bike' Style Hovercraft Can (Allegedly) Do 170MPH, Fly To 10,000-Ft "

Jun 9 2011 HOVERBIKE!!: 'Speeder-Bike' Style Hovercraft Can (Allegedly) Do 170MPH, Fly To 10,000-Ft

MORE: count me in , crashing into things , dangerous , fast , flying to work , helmet laws better not apply , high , hover , i want one now , let me ride one! , omg omg omg , prototype , speederbike races , this will end well , whee!

Hoverbikes: they're right up there with hoverboards for things I need yet don't exist despite being promised we'd have this sort of technology by the year 2000. You're lettin' me down, science! Thankfully, Australian Chris Malloy has taking matters (AND HIS LIFE) into his own hands, building a dual-fanned hoverbike allegedly capable of doing 170MPH and flying over 10,000-feet vertically. I'm going to the moooooooooooon!

Chris Malloy's prototype hoverbike has so far not done anything but hover while tied to the ground, but that is in no way stopping its designer from making all kinds of wildly optimistic projections about its performance and availability.

Since it's classified as an ultralight, you won't technically need a pilot's license, although a parachute will likely be a good idea. And for better or worse, the hoverbike is shaping up to be affordable to the point where people who really shouldn't be riding around on one of these will probably be able to: a production run of 100 a year will peg them at $40,000 each, and if 1,000 are ordered, that cost could drop to something comparable to a performance motorcycle.

Dammit, I knew it sounded too good to be true. It hasn't even done anything but hover yet? Call me when it's actually gone somewhere. You can't go bragging about what a hoverbike can do until it's done it. As far as we know this thing's only capable of flying into trees and exploding.

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more eye candy. No videos yet though.

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Jun 9 2011 A Challenger Appears!: World's Drunkest Man

MORE: a cab would've been easier i'm just sayin' , alcohol , damn , falling is easy , good god , holy smokes , how is your brain not on the sidewalk? , know when to say no , motor skills we have a problem , smooth moves , tripping , you just had to have those extra ten shots didn't you?

I'mma wipe this wet floor up WITH MY FACE.

Note: Flash video embedded after jump directly from The Sun because they suck star-sized balls (sun tie-in -- count it!) when it comes to annoying copyright claims over their "exclusive" videos. You don't own London's CCTV system!

Remember the previous record holder for world's drunkest/druggiest man? Well here's a drunk-ass Brit giving Mobeer Moproblems a run (read: trip and fall) for his money. It honestly seems like he's trying to kill himself falling down. You know how they always say, "drink responsibly"? Well this guy likes to drink despondently and then take it out on his face.

Hit the jump for the MUST WATCH video that follows him around town until he (SOMEHOW) makes it back to his hotel.

Continue Reading " A Challenger Appears!: World's Drunkest Man "

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Jun 9 2011 China's "Cows That Can Produce Human Breast Milk" Project PUMPING Right Along

MORE: breast milk is the breast milk or something , china , cows , fine -- i'll withold final judgement until a personal taste test can be arranged , genetic manipulation , gmo , hmm , iffy , makes you wonder , milk , milk mustache , moooooooooo , nutrition

"Here's to nipples...without 'em boobs would have no point."

Pumping, get it?! Me neither, I thought it had something to do with breasts. Give me a break, I don't even know how nipples work. So, remember China's plan to splice the human breast milk genome into cow embryos and produce cows that squirt human titty milk? Well the project is chugging (!!!!!11 just like I do chocolate milk!) right along, and the milk could be on shelves in three years. Aaaaaaaand found to cause cancer in five.

The milk is claimed to taste stronger and sweeter than cow milk, and to have better antibacterial and immune-boosting qualities. It could be marketed as a more nutritious alternative for consumers.

" There are 1.5 billion people in the world who don't get enough to eat," project director Prof. Li Ning was quoted as saying. "It's our duty to develop science and technology, not to hold it back. We need to feed people first, before we consider ideals and convictions."

Hey, I'm all for feeding people first, but what happened to plain 'ol rice and beans? I mean, just because we could splice DNA to develop a chicken that tastes like it lived its entire life in a pool of Polynesian sauce doesn't mean we should, right? "No, I'm pretty sure we actually should do that one." Yeah me too, get Li on the phone.

Hit the jump for a video news report.

Continue Reading " China's "Cows That Can Produce Human Breast Milk" Project PUMPING Right Along "

Jun 9 2011 Facebook, Now With More Facial Recognition

MORE: a lot of times it gets me and really handsome movie stars confused , big brother , eh , face candy , face poison , facebook , faceybooks , facial recognition , how about you build a stable f***ing system first how's that sound? , maaaaaaaaark! , not my face , social networking , uh-oh

Facebook, which can't even manage to function properly because of all the other worthless bullshit they've added to the site, has decided to drop another turd on the pile, this time in the form of 'Tag Suggestions', facial recognition software that, after your face has been identified once in a friend's album, will search the remaining pictures trying to find you. Nice try Facebook -- too bad I'm a ninja! *karate-kicks copier*

Sarah Jacobsson Purewal, of PC World magazine, said: 'Opting out won't keep Facebook from gathering data and recognizing your face - it'll just keep people from tagging you automatically.'

She also warns: 'Facial recognition technology will ultimately culminate in the ability to search for people using just a picture.

'And that will be the end of privacy as we know it--imagine, a world in which someone can simply take a photo of you on the street, in a crowd, or with a telephoto lens, and discover everything about you on the internet.'

Admittedly, that thought is kind of scary. Granted not as scary as the dream where your parachute doesn't open or your teeth fall out, but still pretty bad. Well, at least to a normal person. You wanna talk about the REAL end of privacy? I've had to drop a deuce in a jail cell before with eight other dudes trying to pretend they aren't watching -- this is f***ing NOOOOOOOTHING.

Geekologie on Facebook and Twitter

Facebook now knows what you look like as it rolls out face recognition by stealth [dailymail]

Thanks to Danielle and Tom, who don't show their faces on Facebook for fear of ol' Zuckerberg falling in love and online-stalking them. Haha, that reminds me of the time I online stalked myself to impress my friends. They weren't.

MORE: count me in , drugs , forgetting things , holler atcha boy for that next clinical trial! , interesting , memories , pharmaceutical , sometimes if i drink and smoke enough that does the trick too , sounds good to me , thanks for all the memories or something

Jun 9 2011 Drug Shows Promise In Erasing Bad Memories

Haha -- I'm about to erase the f*** outta Monday!

Meytrapone, a drug traditionally used ~~recreationally~~ to diagnose adrenal insufficiency, is now showing promise as a negative memory "forgetter" when taken soon after a negative event. Ugh, BUT I WANT TO ERASE IT ALL.

"Metyrapone is a drug that significantly decreases the levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that is involved in memory recall," explained lead author Marie-France Marin, a doctoral student.

Manipulating cortisol close to the time of forming new memories can decrease the negative emotions that may be associated with them, the researchers said.

"The results show that when we decrease stress hormone levels at the time of recall of a negative event, we can impair the memory for this negative event with a long-lasting effect," said Sonia Lupien, Ph.D., who directed the research.

Hey, let me know if you need another test subject. Too late -- I just ordered some from a Mexican pharmacy! *downing handful*

Oh man, where am I? Is this...my diary?

Dear diary,

I don't know who I am or where I am but I feel...cleansed. Like a freshly douched vagina or something. *vomiting* Whoever I am, it looks like I had nothing but gummi worms for breakfast. Hold on -- there's instructions tattooed on my arm. "GEEKOLOGIE 4 LIFE". Holy shit -- I'm dating a dude named Geekologie.

The Drug Metyrapone to Erase Bad Memories? [psychcentral]

Thanks to bb, who has a pair of truly unforgettable tits. Don't worry, I can say that because I know her -- intimately.

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Jun 9 2011 Peeping Tom!: Spherical Drone Spyball

MORE: burn it with missiles! , eye in the sky , flying , i'm gonna need a better slingshot , not cool , peekaboo! , pew them outta the sky! , reconnaissance , shoot it down! , spy , spying in windows , spying on things

Seen here spying on a lady changing before coming though the window and chasing her up the stairs, a spherical reconnaissance drone developed by the Japanese military is put through its paces. For now the ball is remote controlled, but an autonomous flight system is currently under development. Here's to praying they don't paint a bunch of eyeballs on it. "OMG -- like that creepy f*** in 'Big Trouble In Little China'? Yes -- EXACTLY! A high five: I want to give you one so bad right now.

Hit the jump for a Japanese news report.

Continue Reading " Peeping Tom!: Spherical Drone Spyball "

Continue Reading " Death From Above: Jet Pilot Buzzes Crowd "

Jun 9 2011 Eat Something That's Glowing!: Transparent Ants Turn The Color Of Whatever They Eat

MORE: ants , colors , cute , daaaaw , eating things , food , i don't care what color they are if they bite me they're getting set on fire with a magnifying glass , insects , lights , peekaboo! , renaming things as i see fit , see-thru , taste the rainbow , transparent

These ghost ants, which we will now only refer to as Christmas light ants, have clear abdomens and turn the color of whatever they eat. Which, in the wild, is probably a green or brown. BORING! I say we bring some rainbow cake and glowsticks to our next picnic. Also, maybe a bottle of wine and a blanket in case things get, how should I say, romantic. "Dammit GW -- there's nothing romantic about watching you eat an entire turkey." Oh no? *greasing nips with drumstick* "No." *sucking potato salad popsicle*

Ghost ants change color according to the food they eat [todayilearned] (that orange juice and skim milk don't make a good breakfast smoothie)

Thanks to Rebecca, who wishes her dogs had transparent stomachs so she knew which one was getting into the trash.

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Jun 9 2011 Death From Above: Jet Pilot Buzzes Crowd

MORE: damn , dangerous , death wish , do not want , dying with a video camera in your hand , flying , hit the deck! , holy crapola , i don't wanna die! , jet , my life flashed before my eyes! , private air-shows: not for the weak of heart , stunts , thrilling , wtf were you thinking?! , you f***ed up my hair!

Seen here trying to win an invisible limbo contest, an Argentinian jet pilot flies an FMA IA 63 Pampa (I would've called it the Puma) straight into a group of people. I'm genuinely surprised nobody got sucked into an engine, it was that close. Because one time I got sucked into cat-sitting for a neighbor that lives four houses down. Next time ask somebody you share a fence with, God! Anyway, I did get to try on a bunch of her bras and panties so it wasn't that bad. I think the cats even liked it. Didn't you, guys? "Meow." *flossing thong through buttcrack all sexy-like* "WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Oh God -- I thought you were at work!

Hit the jump for two videos: crowd's view and pilot's view.

Continue Reading " Return To Rapture: Bioshock's In-Game Posters Recreated By Geekologie Reader "

Jun 8 2011 Return To Rapture: Bioshock's In-Game Posters Recreated By Geekologie Reader

MORE: artist , awesome , bioshock , damn i might have to fire bioshock back up , do like , do want , geekologie reader , good job , i miss rapture , i'd like to be under the sea in an octopus' garden in the shade , isn't it better down where it's wetter take it from me , old fashioned , old timey , photoshop , poster , return to rapture , sander cohen , sweet , under the sea , video game , yes please

Geekologie Reader Stefan Petit spent six-months faithfully recreating some 43 of the in-game posters from Bioshock. These are them. I want them. ALL. Plus a Big Daddy. Or, what the gay community might describe as a 'bear'. "GRRAAAWR!" OMG -- yes, YESSSSSS!

This was a completely personal project that let me practice different styles, techniques, and designs. So please no comments on how I "stole these from Bioshock", how they aren't my work, or any other negative comments. I recreated all of these in poster sized print quality formats for the bioshock community and myself. All were done in Photoshop and Illustrator CS4.

Nice work, Stefan. Unfortunately, it's inevitable that some bag of shriveled dicks will show up in the comments to nay-say. And you know what we're gonna do? Nothing. Kidding, we're gonna drive to his house, make him show us something he's done creatively, then flood his basement abode with a water-hose when he can't produce anything but a stained gym-sock. Afterwards, we'll beat him up in front of his mom, and possibly get her number depending on how well her tits have stood the test of time. Well -- what's the word, Stefan? "Sunny D's". Save her in your phonebook as "troll's mom".

Hit the jump for 13 more, and Behance and DeviantART links to the other 43 in higher resolution.

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Jun 8 2011 University To Offer Masters, PhDs In Comics

MORE: britain , college , comics , educational , everything i learned in college i learned out of class , f***ing student loans , going to school , jealous! , master sword , nine years of higher education and look what it got me , school , school's for fools , skipping classes , sure why not , university

I was originally gonna Photoshop some comic book panels onto a mortar board for the picture, but I'm pressed for time today so just imagine that in your head for a second before continuing. I did a pretty good job, right? Thanks.

Dundee University (which, before you ask, yes, was started by the famed Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin) will be offering a one-year Masters program in comic book studies through the English department beginning this fall. You hear that, my pile of worthless degrees? I hate you even more!

Graduates on the course will study the impact of comics on the worlds of art, literature and popular culture.

The university said students with an interest in the creative side of comics - as a writer or artist - would be able to enhance their practical skills, with workshops on script writing and artwork.

And a PhD in comic studies will also be available to those who have completed the MLitt course.

Dr Murray added: "Employability is an important consideration for any postgraduate programme, and it lies at the heart of what we aim to do with this course.

God knows anything will beat the countless hours of group projects, analysis and reports I had to endure getting my Masters. And now look at me -- I sit alone in the dark writing online about wieners. Damn, if Virginia Tech could see me now! They, uh, they'd probably ask for another alumni donation. I already told you -- I'm broke until after you name a building after me!

Dundee University launches degree in comic books [bbcnews]

Thanks to Andy, who has a degree in awesome from GW University. "George Washington?" No dummy -- mine.

Continue Reading " Steve Jobs Unveils New Apple Headquarters "

Jun 8 2011 Steve Jobs Unveils New Apple Headquarters

MORE: apple , are we having fun yet? , building , business , circles , design , headquarters , i'mma steal a prototype! , mothership , spaceship , steve jobs , sure why not , take me with you! , the one ring , whee!

NEEDS MORE RETINA DISPLAY.

Steve Jobs, best known for starting Jobs.com or whatever, has unveiled a new corporate headquarters for his company in Cupertino, CA that looks suspiciously like the One Ring. What? I can ready Elvish! It reads, "I faked my own death." I KNEW IT!!

As you can see from the image above, the campus resembles a spaceship. The entire campus will be one huge round building with a courtyard in the middle. The building itself will be four stories tall, and Apple plans to re-landscape the current area to include 6000 trees. A natural gas energy center will be on-campus to power the new building, and Apple will only rely on California's power grid as a backup.

Speaking to the City Council, Steve Jobs described the new campus (as transcribed by MacRumors): "It's a pretty amazing building. It's a little like a spaceship landed. It's got this gorgeous courtyard in the middle... It's a circle. It's curved all the way around. If you build things, this is not the cheapest way to build something. There is not a straight piece of glass in this building. It's all curved. We've used our experience making retail buildings all over the world now, and we know how to make the biggest pieces of glass in the world for architectural use. And, we want to make the glass specifically for this building here. We can make it curve all the way around the building... It's pretty cool."

Geez, enough about the glass, Steve -- keep your see-thru fetish to yourself. So yeah, a new Apple headquarters that looks like a big round spaceship. I'm actually surprised they didn't design it to look like the Apple logo, but not really because they don't pay me the big bucks to come up with brilliant ideas. THAT 'LIL STEM BIT COULD'VE BEEN YOUR OFFICE, STEVE!

Hit the jump for a blankblank video of Steve proposing the building to the city council of Cupertino.

MORE: airports , back to the drawing board , iffy , makes you wonder , planes , please don't be yellow please don't be yellow please don't be -- gaaaaaahh!! , scaring old people , security , transportation , why do i get the feeling this idea orginated on the back of a bar napkin , yeaaaaaah , yellow means terrorist

Jun 8 2011 The Future Of Airport Security Screening: As Simple As Installing A 'Terrorist' Line!

Is this the future of airport security screening? I dunno, but I'd hate to be in the terrorist line! "Um, honey -- we've got like twenty yellow-liners on our flight."

Instead of a single screening procedure applied to all fliers, the group envisions that passengers would be divided into risk categories based on the information available about them.

They would then be directed to one of three lanes: "Known Traveler," "Normal" and "Enhanced Security."

"Today's checkpoint was designed four decades ago to stop hijackers carrying metal weapons. ... It is time to rethink everything..."

"That means moving from a system that looks for bad objects to one that can find bad people," Bisignani said.

A biometric identifier in your passport would determine which lane you go through based on a risk assessment performed before you arrive at the airport.

I have no clue how hard it is to steal/falsify passports these days, but I did have a convincing fake New Jersey drivers license back in 1999. It said I was 23 but I couldn't even grow a beard. Or pubes! Or hard with a naked lady standing right in front of me. "What were you, gay?" Ha -- only for three days of senior spring break. Amirite guys?! Guys?

Is this the checkpoint of the future? [cnn]

Thanks to Evil Ares, who agrees the real future of airport security is sedating everyone before a flight. F*** YEAH -- I don't even care if I crap myself!

Continue Reading " Suck It, Bud Light!: Best Beer Commercial Ever "

Jun 8 2011 Suck It, Bud Light!: Best Beer Commercial Ever

MORE: alcohol , australia , beer , booze , chockful of awesome , commercial , drinking , i've never had hahn before but i did touch han's crotch once when he was drunk at mos eisley , just take my money already! , marketing , not australian for beer , quality , so full of win

This is the best beer commercial ever (SET TO THE NIGHT RIDER THEME!) coming to us all the way from Hahn Brewery, Australia. It features an overview of their brewing process from beginning to end, which, from what I could gather, is almost identical to the preparation of my famous deviled eggs. Well, except with less drumming. That shit'll f*** a yolk up.

Hit the jump for the very worthwhile commercial.

Continue Reading " Bad Decisions: Girl Gets 152 Of Her Facebook Friends' Profile Pictures Tattooed On Arm "

Jun 8 2011 Bad Decisions: Girl Gets 152 Of Her Facebook Friends' Profile Pictures Tattooed On Arm

MORE: decisions decisions , different strokes for different folks , facebook , friends , hmm , i don't even have that many friends period , i don't even think i know 152 people , iffy , lolwut?! , makes you wonder , not sure how i feel about that , questionable , regret , social networking , sorry you didn't make the cut , tattoos

Aaaaaaaand we're back. Sorry for the late start folks, but there was a problem with the publishing system that yelling and chugging beers just couldn't solve.

This is a video of some chick getting 152 of her Facebook friends' profile pictures tattooed around her arm. Why? I have no f***ing clue. Presumably something to do with a gambling problem or the most regrettable game of truth or dare ever. Oh -- hold on, there's a quote.

These are not all my friends. Just the people I care most about. I got their permission and they were very proud to be on it. To me it represents who I am right now and the time we live in. And of course I love the looks of it.

Oh you just had to brag about how many more friends you have, didn't you? I give it four months before you decide at least two of the girls on your arm are catty bitches! Also, sure the tattoo may represent who you are right now and the time we live in, but what happens when you're a different person and it's not 2011? Because I suggest getting your arm removed and replaced with a tentacle. Doc Ock's got a boner about it!

UPDATE: Fake viral video for some shit. Moving on...

Hit the jump for the video to show your parents when they accuse you of being a bad decision maker.

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Jun 7 2011 Battery Goo: 'Pumpable' Electric Car Power

MORE: electricity , energy , fast , goo , green technology , i usually try to avoid goo , it would also be okay if it smells like pina colada air freshener , it's electric! , quick , the future is now , transportation

Faced with the problem of long charge times for electric vehicles vs. the immediacy of pumping gas, lab-coated, taped-glasses scientists at MIT have developed an electric power "goo" that can be pumped into electric cars for an immediate charge. Me? Two boner pills and a beer.

They're calling this black sludge "Cambridge crude," and it's really two different types of goo, each holding charged particles suspended in semi-liquid electrolyte, sort of like how quicksand is comprised of sand particles suspended in water. There's anode goo, and there's cathode goo, and when the two goos are separated by a goo-separating membrane, charge moves from one goo over to the other goo, generating current to power your car.

When all the charge has been used up, you can pull over to a goo station, which will suck out your used goo and pump new goo back in. Or, when you get home, you can plug your car into a wall socket and recharge your goo that way. So it's like having all the advantages of being able to pump gas, with the added advantage of being able to fill up at home, too.

Admittedly this is great news for green vehicles, but my only concern is this: I'm gonna need it to smell like gasoline. You see -- I'm all for cleaner power, but I'm also into fumes. And can you blame me? You can't. For putting that dent in your fender pulling out of the gas station? Maybe.

Battery goo is like gas for electric cars, but better [dvice]

Thanks to dylan, who has a Mr. Fusion system and doesn't give a shit.

Continue Reading " Nintendo Officially Announces New Console "

Jun 7 2011 Nintendo Officially Announces New Console

MORE: announcment , console , controller , fine i will withold final judgement until after i've played one , gaming , iffy , man you said this was bonna blow my socks off and you lied! , new , nintendo , touchscreen , um , video games , yeaaaaaaah no

Today at E3 Nintendo announced the 2012 release of its next generation console, the Wii U (great job knocking the 'an even worse name than I expected' ball out of the park, guys). The system will boast controllers with 6.2" high-res touchscreens (and a gyroscope, accelerometer, microphone, camera, stylus, buttons, flashlight, corkscrew, etc.), and that's about it. Oh, and HD graphics. Hear that? Of course not, because my excited alarm isn't going off.

The Wii successor's touchscreen controller can display anything: exactly what's on the TV screen, the same action but with a different camera view, or something else entirely. Since the controller also employs motion sensors, you can change the viewing angle or your aim on the touchscreen by moving your hands or your whole body. You can use the touchscreen as a controller, but since the device also boasts the same full range of buttons and joysticks as a standard gamepad, you don't have to.

As Link duked it out with a giant hairy spider on the TV screen, we could see all sorts of secondary info on the controller screen: the dungeon map, Link's health bar, the items he was carrying. These icons no longer cluttered up the TV screen and got in the way of the high-definition visuals. The cool part was this: With one tap of an icon on the touchscreen, the images flipped. Suddenly, seamlessly, the game was running on the touchscreen and the map, etc., was on the television.

Wow, that sounds...questionable. Especially after rumors the console was gonna blow my socks off. "And?" I'm wearing flip-flops. No word on price, but whatever it is I'm gonna have a hard time justifying buying one just to play whatever new Zeldas they release. Which, my friend, is where you come in. You get one, then I'll borrow it for a week whenever a new Zelda drops and pay you in not punches. Your face agrees it's really a great deal.

Hit the jump for the release trailer and demo in case you weren't sure if you'd be able to color pictures or play Othello using the controller (SPOILER: yes to both!).

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Jun 7 2011 Doggelgänger Facial Recognition Matches You With An Adoptable Pet That Looks Like You

MORE: clever , dogs , facial recognition , fun , fun! , good idea , i don't want a dog that looks like me because what if people start getting us confused? , i'm not a pug you're a pug! , iffy , pets , sure why not , ugly , ugly duckling , website

You know how they say people look like their dogs? That's because most people are ugly (alternatively: pugly). I don't look anything like my dog. I look like something Michelangelo would have carved out of marble with a diamond dong, and she looks like she's licking her vaj and doesn't care if I'm watching WHICH I'M TRYING NOT TO.

Pedigree's New Zealand branch hired design agency Colenso BBDO to come up with a new way to get the word out on pup adoptions. Using the idea that dog owners tend to look like their pets, Colenso teamed up with NEC to develop Doggelgänger, "Human to canine pairing software, designed to connect real homeless dogs to their human doubles."

You can go to the site and use your webcam or an uploaded photo to see what dogs you look like, which, SPOILER: ugly ones. At least that's what it gave me and I'm what 4/5 ~~dentists~~ gynecologists would describe as "devilishly handsome" and "not supposed to be in here".

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and the link to try it for yourself.

Continue Reading " Doggelgänger Facial Recognition Matches You With An Adoptable Pet That Looks Like You "

Jun 7 2011 Summer School Again?: Harry Potter Geometry

MORE: admittedly clever , failing , geometry , harry potter , holy smokes , i mean it kind of is , magic , math , summer school , that should be worth at least half-credit , wand , what you did there: i had to look it up and now i'm not sure how i feel about it , you've got to be kidding me

I've never seen or read any of the Harry Potters because I'm against the portrayal of fake wizardry, but a friend told me this was "absolutely f***in' hysterical", so here it is. I actually bothered doing the research (which is rare) to understand the joke and now I just feel embarrassed for my friend. Or should I say "ex-friend." Haha -- check your Facebook, Kyle!

Harry Potter Math [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Kyle, who probably won't be making the cut for my cookout this weekend.

Continue Reading " A Lot Of Booty: $2.5 Million 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' Themed Home Theater Setup "

Jun 7 2011 A Lot Of Booty: $2.5 Million 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' Themed Home Theater Setup

MORE: abandon ship! , are you hiring ushers? , captain popcornbeard , damn , damn rich people , do want , i want mine to look like a medieval castle! , movies , needs more rope swing , pirate ship , pirates , sweet , theater , theme , yaaar!

Got a cool $2.5M lying around? GIVE IT TO ME, I'LL DO ANYTHING (including, and virtually limited to: stab you for it). Oooooor you could squander it on a $2.5M custom Pirates of the Caribbean home theater from Elite Home Theater Seating (who also designed the Batcave one). Granted these are just renderings, but the theater is currently under construction in a Palm Beach, Florida home and is sure to make a terrible place to watch a space movie. Huh? OF COURSE I'M JUST JELLY.

Hit the jump for several more shots including the "lobby" area and entrance.

Continue Reading " Halo 4 Teaser Trailer From E3 Conference "

Jun 7 2011 Halo 4 Teaser Trailer From E3 Conference

MORE: fanboys , franchise , halo , kiss the chief , master chief , noobs , oh hey chief i missed you big guy , outerspace and stuff , preview , shooting aliens , teaser , the world will end long before this game is ever released. "but you said that about duke nukem" and i was close! , to be continued , trailer , video game , whee!

Members of the media at the Electronic Entertainment Expo, which is happening right down the street and I should be attending except for the fact I've been ban-hammered from the LA Convention Center for reasons I can't discuss until the trial is over (geez, find another venue!), saw a teaser trailer for the holiday 2012 release of Halo 4. The game is supposed to be the first in a second 'trilogy' (OH GOD NO) of the franchise, and will be developed by 343 Industries instead of Bungie. So yeah, a year and a half wait -- you could almost have two babies in that time. Dozens if you're a real man-whore.

Hit the jump for a whole bunch of GAAAAH GIVE ME MORE!

Continue Reading " I Will Crush You On My Head!: Beer Can Robot "

Jun 7 2011 I Will Crush You On My Head!: Beer Can Robot

MORE: alcohol , anybody seen my beer? i swear it was just here a second ago , apocalypse , beer , beerbot , crushing things on your head , decepticons , i'm on to you , keep your friends close and your beerbots crushed under foot , not cool , robots , that...might make me stop drinking , transformer , trickery , why?

This is a lil robot that looks like a beer can until it sprouts tripod legs and starts dancing around on the table (NOT like a sessy table dance -- if you're hoping for a sessy table dance don't even bother watching because you're gonna be disappointed). I assume it opted to disguise itself as a beer can with the hopes of tricking unsuspecting drunks into picking it up to drink out of and then cutting their noses off. Which, not gonna lie, would be an improvement for some of the people I know. Ahem, Pinocchio. Stop lying about your age bro, no chick at the bar wants your woody schnoz inside of her.

Hit the jump for a short demo.

MORE: being way too high , characters , clouds , dammit gw this isn't even a real post you jerk! , getting your eyes checked , haters gonna hate , hoax! , i...don't see it. or anything really (i masturbated too much as a kid) , lame fake wtf gw? 'must be a slow news day' , making things up , seeing things , wtf is wrong with you? , you craycray

Jun 7 2011 Jabba The Hutt Spotted In Cloud Form

♫ Butterfly in the sky, Jabba is twice as high ♫

Note: High-res version HERE in case you're in the market for the world's crappiest wallpaper.

We've already seen Yoda, so it was only a matter of time before somebody got high enough to spot Jabba in cumulus (or is that stratocumulus?) form. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the original shot, so it's hard to say whether or not he's recognizable without actually being drawn. You have to admit, the ~~corncob~~ Klatooine paddy frog in hand does kind of give it away. Also, who knew Jabba could look so happy? "That's because he just finished dropping a 2-ton shit in that apartment building's pool." *spitting coffee* You think they have a diving board?!

Abt. Sichtungen - heute: Jabba the Hutt [infamy] (with an even larger, 4000px version)

Thanks to Pesche, who once spotted a Princess Leia cloud and made it rain. I don't even know what that means but it sounds like wizardry.

Continue Reading " Functional Arcade Button Light Switches "

Jun 6 2011 Functional Arcade Button Light Switches

MORE: arcade , burning your house down , buttons , decoration , diy , etsy , for sale , homemade , i like , i want one that's a giant joystick , lights , mashing buttons , needs more dimmer knob , nipples would be cool too , projects , sure why not , switch , video games , who turned off the lights? (spoiler: my electric company)

These are functional light switches made with arcade buttons (NOT belly buttons, which I would never use even if it meant stumbling around in the dark and stubbing all my toes off). Etsy seller AlephDesign is selling them for $30, but you do get to choose the colors. PINK AND BROWN. Alternatively, you could save yourself ~$20 and make your own. Granted you never will, but that's because you're lazy. And if you do get drunk enough to attack the project you'll probably end up wiring it all wrong and burning your house down. "Will not! I'm a great handyman!" Yeah you are. *high-five!*
...
...
Why are you missing fingers?

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " Amazing 'Moth In A Spider Web' CG Animation "

Jun 6 2011 Amazing 'Moth In A Spider Web' CG Animation

MORE: amazing , anatomy , animation , damn , dead meat , eye candy , good looking , holy smokes , i am impress , i have nightmares that are less frightening , scary , spider , the ciiiiiiiiiiircle of life , wtf did i just watch?

WARNING: Spider.

This is a sick-ass CG animation (called 'Loom') of a moth getting stuck in a spider's web and the resulting pandemonium. Then we take a trip inside the spider to see how silk is made. That part was kind of grody. Like how on one hand butts can be super sessy, but on the other hand that's where doodoo comes out.

Hit the jump and be amazed. Ooooooooor creeped the f*** out.

Continue Reading " NO OTHER EXPLANATION: Spaz Finds 'Secret Base' On Mars Using Google Earth "

Jun 6 2011 NO OTHER EXPLANATION: Spaz Finds 'Secret Base' On Mars Using Google Earth

MORE: aliens , bro you need to turn off the computer and go outside , conspiracy! , google earth , iffy , lolwut?! , mars , martian , nutjobs , outerspace , questionable , spaz , wtf are you talking about? , you crazy bro

David Martines is a nutjob who claims to have found a secret Martian base while using Google Earth to scan the red planet. You can go take a look yourself at coordinates 49'19.73"N 29 33'06.53"W if you're interested. I was going to, but then I realized Google Earth isn't browser-based and you have to download it. Aaaaaaaaaand that's when I started watching cat videos on Youtube. Per Cosmonaut Crazyf*** himself:

'I call it Bio-station Alpha, because I'm just assuming that something lives in it or has lived in it.

'It's very unusual in that it's quite large, it's over 700 feet long and 150 feet wide, it looks like it's a cylinder or made up of cylinders.

'It could be a power station or it could be a biological containment or it could be a glorified garage - hope it's not a weapon.

'It could be a way station for weary space travellers. It could also belong to NASA, I don't know that they would admit that.

He named it. That's cute. I dunno, this seems like a whole bunch of speculation for one crappy as shit screencap of a couple white pixels. Personally, I think dude's insane. Also, that it's actually the crashed Enterprise and the crew needs our help. I'M COMING, SPOOK!

Hit the jump for a video of a computer screen while dude talks all crazy.

Comments ( 38 ) Digg Reddit

Jun 6 2011 GAAAAAAAAH!!: Creepy Makeup Neck Veins

MORE: body parts , burn her with fire! , do not like , eye poison , eyeballs , freaky deaky , freaky looking , gaaaaaaaaaaahh , i've seen a woman with veins like this before i cried and ran , makeup , mutant! , no no no , stab it! , stabbing with a pen , wtf is that! , you might want to get that checked out

TOO LATE WARNING: NOT UNSEEABLE.

I don't like that. It's giving me the heeby-jeebies. "You mean a boner?" No, I mean the heeby-jeebies. My penis is actually crying right now. Get it? I PEED MY PANTS.

Hit the jump for a couple more in case you really REALLY hate your eyeballs.

Continue Reading " GAAAAAAAAH!!: Creepy Makeup Neck Veins "

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Jun 6 2011 Perfect Sense, This Picture Makes It: Giant Companion Cube In Jurassic Park Jeep

MORE: awesome , companion cube , count me in , do want , good times , i want both of those things! , iconic , jurassic park , oh me? just taking this companion cube back to the park , portal , the best picture i've seen all day , why wasn't i invited? , wtf am i looking at? , yes please

I actually have no clue WTF is going on here, but I approve of every last bit of it.

Cool Guy of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Mark, who agrees the picture could use some more stormtrooper.

Jun 6 2011 It's Like I've Always Been Wearing A Pair: Abstinence Underwear For The Ladies

MORE: abstinence , for the ladies , i don't wear underwear and my pants are stained , iffy , my mom would not buy me those that's what , not getting pregnant , novelty underwear , questionable , safety first , sex , sure why not , underwear , whatever works , wrap it up!

Because if there's one thing that can help prevent pregnancy, it's definitely novelty underwear. Suck it, condoms!

A company called WWYMD (what would your mother do? Not buy me novelty underwear, that's for sure!) is selling women's underoos with messages like "dream on", "zip it" and "not tonight" printed on them to discourage ladies from having sexes with the dudes (or the other way around). I question how effective they'll actually be though, which is why I just started my own company and had some printed that read, "PUT YOUR PENIS IN HERE AND A BABY WILL FALL OUT" across the waistband. Unfortunately I'm a terrible planner and everything but "PUT YOUR PENIS IN HERE" is on the back.

Product Site
via
Abstinence Panties Will Be Very Effective At Stopping Horny Teenagers [thefrisky]

Thanks to Drew, who's comfortable enough in his manliness to send tips about women's panties.

Continue Reading " Luke, I Am Your Terrible Father: Vader Goes To Disneyland (And Doesn't Bring His Kids!) "

Jun 6 2011 Luke, I Am Your Terrible Father: Vader Goes To Disneyland (And Doesn't Bring His Kids!)

MORE: amusement park , darth vader , disney , disneyland , i fell out of space mountain true story , i will need to see this , kids , rides , vacation , we're going to disneyland! just kidding i'm going alone , whee!

Darth Vader, being the deadbeat dad that he is, decided to go to Disneyland to check out the revamped Star Tours ride and didn't bother bringing Luke or Leia. This is a video of his trip, which was made with the help of Geekologie Reader and stormtrooper TK-745 (not to be confused with TK-421, who was the only stormtrooper to be referred to by his designation in the original trilogy and died aboard the Death Star). So yeah, an adult male going to an amusement park without his kids. CREEPY THE VADE IS CREEPY.

Hit the jump for the vacation video, a commercial for the updated ride, and another showing the queue line attractions and some on-ride footage. Did somebody say "bonus video of the closing ceremony they held last year before revamping the ride"? You got it! Also: *wiping booger on arm* cooties.

Jun 6 2011 You Antimatter!: CERN Successfully Traps Antihydrogen Atoms For A Solid 16-Minutes

MORE: atoms , but are there video game implications? , but can i keep it as a pet? , cern , chemistry , doing science , interesting , physics , science! , you know what they say: if you love something trap it and never let go , you've doomed us all

You know what this antimatter trap needs? More tinfoil.

Antimatter: I have no idea what it is. I thought it was something you told a frienemy to hurt their feelings. But apparently it has something to do with particles. And now CERN has successfully trapped some for 1,000 seconds. That's like a whole f***ing year in butterfly-time!

Scientists used CERN's high-energy accelerator to create the antihydrogen atoms, and then chilled them to near-zero temperatures.

The aim is to use laser and microwave spectroscopy to compare the immobilised particles to their hydrogen counterparts.

The same team succeeded last year in trapping dozens of anti-matter atoms and holding them in place for a fraction of a second, a world first at the time.

Scientists will now look for "violations" or discrepancies in something called the charge-parity-time reversal (CPT) symmetry.

Measurements of trapped antihydrogen are due to get underway shortly, and could yield results before the end of the year.

Of course -- charge-parity-time reversal symmetry, why didn't you just say that? Pfft, and I thought this was going to be complicated. One time I trapped a burp in a jar and huffed it a whole year later. I vomed -- big time.

Scientists 'trap' and study elusive anti-matter [telegraph]

Thanks to Schmaltz, Woody and R-Man Supernova, who have both trapped lightning bugs for even longer.

Jun 6 2011 Steve Wozniak: Humans Will Be Robot Pets

MORE: apple , aw hell naw , humanity , humans , no no no , not cool , pets , quotes , robotic apocalypse , robots , speak for yourself! , this is exactly why i keep a cyanide capsule under my tongue , uh-oh , you're no expert!

Seen here laying down some fresh beats, Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak believes we've already lost the war on robotics and humans will be little more more than robots' pets (read: sex slaves) in the future. Wonderful, wonderful news. *chugging the Kool-Aid*

"We're already creating the superior beings, I think we lost the battle to the machines long ago," he said.

"We're going to become the pets, the dogs of the house."

He said all of a sudden, true artificial intelligence will creep up on mankind like an accident.

"Every time we create new technology we're creating stuff to do the work we used to do and we're making ourselves less meaningful, less relevant.

Oh thanks Woz -- like I wasn't feeling insignificant enough. I could probably slip and drown in the shower and nobody would even care. "Your roommate will probably be pissed about the water bill." NOBODY LOVES ME.

Humans become 'pets' in rise of the machines: Apple co-founder [brisbanetimes]

Thanks to Andrew, who can and will pee on the carpet.

Continue Reading " Dollar Bills Defaced With Pop-Culture Icons "

Jun 3 2011 Dollar Bills Defaced With Pop-Culture Icons

MORE: artist , but it's just paper , cashing out , cream , dolla dilla bills ya'll , faces , faces mothers can't even love , making things even more valuable , money , money makes the world go round , paper money , please tell me you didn't just buy mcdonalds with that

This is a giant (30 picture) gallery of U.S. currency that have had pop-icon facelifts courtesy of artist James Charles (who has two first names). They're all incredibly well done and are selling at the Shooting Gallery art gallery in San Francisco for $600-$1,000. But they were already valuable! Granted you could argue James is just defacing money, but I'd argue he's actually refacing it. Refacing it -- God I slay me! Plus dragons. Back me up, Princess. "He used a missile launcher." BA-BOOM!

Hit the jump for 30 others and the link to even more (there's over 50).

Comments ( 49 ) Digg Reddit

Jun 3 2011 They're Stealing My Other Blocks!: Impressive 10,000-Piece, 3-Ft R/C LEGO Sandcrawler

MORE: amazing , damn , do want , holy smokes , i am impress , i've never managed to build anything over 200 pieces , impressive , it doesn't matter if you have a steering wheel club or not everything's gonna be gone when you get back if jawas are around , jawa , lego , love me some jawas , plastic , rc , shifty , star wars

Jawas: hands down the best characters in the Star Wars universe. "But what about the Bothans?" The Bothans?! They're only good at dying! Anyway, the Jawas: they're small enough to fit into cupboards, have glowing eyes, and are all-around shifty as gypsies. Is gypsies a derogatory term? I apologize if it is, but a family of them did offer me a set of pots and pans for my dog once. I should've taken it. Marshal Banana made this 10,000 piece LEGO Sandcrawler to celebrate my favorite lilliputian Star Wars race.

Marshal really decked this thing out, springing for lights and working treads. With his remote control he can move it forward and backward with full steering, raise and lower the front ramp, operate the craft's crane (revealed when the ramp lowers) and even turn on the interior conveyor belt.

Admittedly, it did turn out better than the 80-piece LEGO house I built. Yeah, its roof collapsed and killed the entire family of minifigs that were squatting in it. I warned them I wasn't a very good architect, but did they listen? Nooooooooo, they just sat there eating little LEGO block-nubbins until, CRASH -- death from above. I buried them in the backyard. Or did I? I didn't. I lathered them in peanut butter and fed them to my dog piece by piece. Let that be a lesson -- you don't listen to me, and you wind up in a pile of dog shit.

Hit the jump for a ton more pictures and a video of the crawler's R/C features in action.

Continue Reading " They're Stealing My Other Blocks!: Impressive 10,000-Piece, 3-Ft R/C LEGO Sandcrawler "

Continue Reading " Booty Pillows: Pillows Shaped Like Booties "

Jun 3 2011 Booty Pillows: Pillows Shaped Like Booties

MORE: body parts , booty traps , butts , different strokes for different folks , i don't even sleep with a pillow , it was only a matter of time , lolwut?! , pillow , questionable , sadness , sleeping at night , soft , sure why not , you better not toot in your sleep! , you've got to be kidding me

Pillow talk?! F*** that noise -- I'm going to bed!

Booty Pillows (not to be confused with Lap Pillows) are real $30 products shaped like the small of a woman's back and buttcheeks for resting your head on at night because you don't have the real thing and a fake one is better than nothing, amirite? No, I'm not. It'll only make you sad, and nobody wants to sleep on a pillow soaked in tears. Unless they're virgin tears, in which case I'MMA WRING THAT SHIT OUT AND MAKE SOME F***IN' POTIONS!*looking through spell book* The uninspiring story of the Booty Pillow:

The story of the Booty Pillow is quite simple. Lull was laying on a girl's butt/small of her back. He thought to himself, "Man, this is really comfortable. I wish I could just take this and keep it. It feels so great!" The next day, he called Nic, told him the story, and then said, "We should make Booty Pillows!" Nic laughed and followed, "I'm down. Let's do it!" The rest is history.

That...was painful. And I'm pretty sure it left out the part where the chick farted. $30 gets one in your color choice of chocolate, cheetah, caramel, burgundy or Amsterdaaamn (snow white). Alternatively, save yourself $30 and put a pair of underwear stolen from a dryer in your apartment building's laundry room on an existing pillow. Which is exactly what I did. My lumpy-ass pillow's wearing Joe Boxers! Aaaaaaaaaand they have skid marks. *stripping bed and burning mattress*

Hit the jump for a bunch more product shots with some of the most confusing imagery I've ever seen.

Jun 3 2011 Thieving 'Ninja' Drives Car Through Apple Store, Runs Away Before Stealing Anything

MORE: apple , crime doesn't pay , doing it wrong , failure , jail for you , lolwut?! , ninja , robbery , stealing , you are an embarrassment to ninjas everywhere! , you hear that? that's the sound of master splinter laughing his little ratty balls off

THERE -- IN THE BACK BY THE iPADS!

Some spaz, dressed as a ninja and driving a stolen Honda Accord, crashed the vehicle into the plate-glass front of an Apple store in Greensboro, North Carolina with the intent of burglary. Buuuuuuuut then got scared and ran away without stealing anything. Dude's good.

The suspect was dressed in what a witness told 107.5 KZL resembled a ninja suit, drove through the store's plate glass windows early Friday then ran away without taking anything.

A security guard in the store was not hurt in the 4:45 a.m. incident.

Police said the Honda that was abandoned at the store was reported stolen more than an hour after the crash.around 6 a.m.

HA -- you can pretty much forget about ever making that 'top 10 ninjas of all time' list! Please tell me you at least took out a couple security cameras with throwing stars. No? Just peed a little and ran away? Your ass wouldn't even make the Foot Clan!

'Ninja' Crashes Car into Apple Store in Greensboro [myfox8]

Thanks to clothing5, who lives in Greensboro and once rode his bike over a bunch of 4-foot fluorescent tubes during his annual neighborhood stunt spectacular. I'm impressed!

Continue Reading " Another Day, Another Ball-Jiggling Robot "

Jun 3 2011 Another Day, Another Ball-Jiggling Robot

MORE: balls , could you at least play circus music on top of the motor noise? , dont' tell the clowns , great , jiggle vs juggle , juggling , now they're stealing circus jobs! , playing with balls , wonderful

Did I say jiggling? Because I meant juggling. I'm just not gonna change the headline because I figured the sensationalism might attract some more traffic. "Like opening a nudey bar at the mall?" Exactly like opening a nudey bar at the mall. This is a robot that can juggle five balls simultaneously. Plus it makes the sound of a robot diddling its dipstick while it operates, so that's a bonus. Just not the kind of bonus you'd want to call in the next 15-minutes to receive. Hold on, there's a clown at the door and he's crying. There there, buddy -- they're not gonna take your job away from you. Huh? That's not why you're crying? You found Tiny dead in the trunk of the clown car?!?! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO DO A HEAD-COUNT AFTER EVERY PERFORMANCE!

Hit the jump for a whole bunch of ball juggling goin' on.

Jun 3 2011 British Gov. Hacks al-Qaeda Website, Replaces Bomb Making How-To w/ Cupcake Recipe

MORE: baking , bomb , cupcakes , cyber-terrorism , hacker , making bombs , terrorism , terrorists , they must have been the ones that hacked my facebook and made a status update about diarrhea! , website

Your wife is gonna be PISSED when she finds out you blew up the sewing machine.

The British Secret Intelligence Service (MI6) were able to hack an al-Qaeda website showing followers how to make homemade bombs, and replaced the instructions with recipes for "The Best Cupcakes in America". I'm a sucker for red velvet!

When followers tried to download the 67-page colour magazine, instead of instructions about how to "Make a bomb in the Kitchen of your Mom" by "The AQ Chef" they were greeted with garbled computer code.

The code, which had been inserted into the original magazine by the British intelligence hackers, was actually a web page of recipes for "The Best Cupcakes in America" published by the Ellen DeGeneres chat show.

It included a recipe for the Mojito Cupcake - "made of white rum cake and draped in vanilla buttercream"- and the Rocky Road Cupcake - "warning: sugar rush ahead!"

Be honest -- who else is craving cupcakes now? Ha -- everyone. Oh -- except one dude in the back. "I'm on a diet, I can only eat muffins." *lifting shirt to reveal muffin-top* COME GETCHA SOME! *truffle shuffle*

MI6 attacks al-Qaeda in 'Operation Cupcake' [telegraph]

Thanks to Christine, who claims to have once had a cupcake with a Snickers bar baked inside. WOW, could I be any more jealous?! SPOILER: Only if it had sprinkles.

Continue Reading " George Lucas Strikes Back: The Story Of Lucas' Revenge After Being Locked Away And Replaced By An Imposter The Past 20 Years "

Jun 3 2011 George Lucas Strikes Back: The Story Of Lucas' Revenge After Being Locked Away And Replaced By An Imposter The Past 20 Years

MORE: aha! , clever , cute , george lucas , i will neither forgive nor forget , prequels killed the star wars star , revenge is a dish best served with soup out of jarjar's skull , shooting things , short , star wars , there's still no excuse , video

20 years ago, George Lucas was planning on settling down and focusing his efforts on making smaller, more personal movies. Then he was kidnapped, locked away, and replaced by the f***nugget responsible for those booboo prequels for almost 20 years, before finally escaping to exact his revenge. This is that story. Plus there's a brief Princess Leia as a stripper scene. Which, I don't know about you, but I found nowhere near as steamy as the Chewbacca as a mechanic scene. *waving oily rag over head like a helicopter* My God you reek in all the right ways! Let me blowtorch some of your nipple fur?

Hit the jump for 3-minutes of hands down better than anything else he's done in 20 years.

Continue Reading " Will You Be My...Companion? The Weighted Companion Cube Engagement Ring Box "

Jun 3 2011 Will You Be My...Companion? The Weighted Companion Cube Engagement Ring Box

MORE: another day another geeky marriage thingy , character , daaaaw , engagement , good job , homemade , in the loves , love , marriage , portal , relationships , ring , sure why not , you know what they say -- couples that game together spend a lot of time on the couch

I'm ready to take this relationship to the next test chamber.

Let's say you's in the loves with a special lil lady. And let's say she really digs the Portal (the game, not your b-hole -- run if it's your b-hole). The solution? ~~A 'The Cake Is A Lie' t-shirt!~~ An engagement ring in a custom-sculpted weighted companion cube box you made! Well that's just what DeviantARTist risu-san (aka Michael Karpinski) did back in 2009. That was even before Portal 2 came out and the same year I first kissed a girl. "But weren't you born in '81?" Yes. "So you were 28?" HIYO -- we've got a math wizard in the audience, everybody!

Hit the jump for a video of the box if you need to see a video of the box (you don't need to see a video of the box is the thing).

MORE: advertising , being rough , built ford tough or something , can you hear me now , cell phone , destroying things , die cell phone die! , i've gone through like six phones in the last year-and-a-half (i live a hard life) , marketing , tough , trying to break things , will it blend? , will your hand blend?

Jun 2 2011 Cell Phone Survives The 'Will It Blend?' Test

The $550 Sonim XP 3300 is allegedly the world's toughest cell phone, forged by Thor's hammer on Mount Doom in Mordor. I'm lying, but that would be sweeter than honey. Which -- BACK OFF, BEES, I'MMA LICK THIS HIVE! (Can you tell I didn't take my meds today?) The phone is even capable of surviving a round in the Blendomatic or whatever the hell it's called, despite Scott Tom Dicknberries or whatever his name is insisting that the after shot I used in the screencap is of the phone "mostly blended" even though it looks "mostly intact" and can still make and receive calls. Stop lying, Tim! Lying isn't gonna sell more blenders! Lying will make your nose grow though, and then what? Exactly: dick-schnoz.

Hit the jump for the win.

Continue Reading " Cell Phone Survives The 'Will It Blend?' Test "

Jun 2 2011 Chinese Boy Sells Kidney To Afford iPad

MORE: apple , bad decisions , china , i blame apple , no no no , organs , poor decision making skills , uuuuuh , wrong , wtf were you thinking?! , you may grow up to regret that , you've got to be kidding me

I'll trade you an iPad 3 for your liver.

A 17-year old Chinese boy found a black-market organs dealer online willing to pay $3,400 for one of his kidneys, then had it removed to buy an iPhone and iPad. Ha -- and you thought you knew a stupid fanboy.

Without telling his family of his plans, he traveled north from his home in the eastern Anhui province to a hospital in the city of Chenzhou in Hunan province, where he was operated on under the supervision of a kidney-selling agent.

His mother's suspicions were aroused when her son returned home with an iPad 2 and an iPhone, and Zheng, who was left with a deep red scar from the surgery, was forced to admit what he did.

She took him back to Chenzhou to report the crime, but the contact numbers the kidney agents gave Zheng were not working.

Damn! You've got to admit, that's pretty hardcore. Dumb as all shit, but hardcore. Almost makes me want to sell some organs to buy myself something nice. "Which ones?" Good questi-- YOURS! *screwdriver to the gut*

Boy, 17, Sells Kidney to Buy iPad 2 in China [foxnews]

Thanks to blaqk_panda and BellaCroix, who refuse to sell any organs that aren't pipe.

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Jun 2 2011 What If: Social Media Websites Were High School Stereotypes (SPOILER: This Maybe?)

MORE: clique click boom , high school , i got 'most likely to be spotted on a notice at the post office'! , i got made fun of in high school (and still do!) , i was a dork , iffy , kids , learning by looking , personification , social networking , stereotypes , websites , whatever you say

Note: That isn't even the whole picture and I purposefully made it ultra-crappy quality so you'd have to click HERE to see the whole thing. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! Jk jk, I just suck at Photoshop.

Ever wonder what particular stereotype a social media website would be if it were in high school? "F*** NO." Yeah me neither, that would be lame. *crumpling list of guesses* Now granted Geekologie isn't really a social media website, but since we're on the subject, I got to thinking about which one it would be. I'm leaning towards the smart, cool kid everyone respects plus gets made play from both the cheerleaders and band/drama ladies alike. "Special ed, hands down." Special ed -- that's ridiculous! *licking keyboard* CHEETOOOOOOOS!!

Class Of 2011: If Social Media Were a High School [flowtown] (where I go once a month!)

Thanks to Jess, who would be the substitute teacher that was way cooler than your regular one and would let you talk the whole period instead of doing your worksheets and then tell your teacher the mimeograph machine was broken (oldschool!).

Jun 2 2011 You Know What They Say: When Life Hands You An Amputated Arm...

MORE: arms , being able to laugh , good lookin' , holy smokes , i approve , i would have gone with a clown face but that's just me , lemons , sense of humor , sure why not , tattoo , trying not to stare , when life hands you...

...turn the nub into a bottlenose dolphin. I admire your spirit, bro. *tosses herring*

Make it a dolphin... [reddit]
via
The BottleNose Dolphin Arm Amputee Tattoo [obviouswinner]

MORE: admittedly high production value , brains , dancing , different strokes for different folks , i've got arms you've got arms let's get together and use those -- aaaaaaaaand one of yours just fell off , la la la la la la la! , long , movie , musical , not bad , singing , sure why not , zombie apocalypse , zombies

Jun 2 2011 Rigamortis: A Zombie Love Story/Musical

This is a 37-minute zombie musical about two dead people in love (nasty!) called Rigamortis: A Zombie Love Story. If I told you I watched all 37-minutes of it I'd be lying, and if there's one thing I pride myself on it's ~~not being a liar~~ a four-foot shlong. Yes, I can pee over my shoulder. If you're into both zombies and Glee, you'll definitely want to give this thing a watch. But if you're into zombies and NOT Glee, you probably won't. And if you're not into zombies but ARE into Glee, you'll probably still like it. BOOM, consider that shit broken down! Also: your car I stole your radiator while you were reading this! "Yeaaaaaah, that's just the grill." Shut up I know cars, okay?!

Hit the jump for the movie in three parts ~~harmony~~.

Continue Reading " Rigamortis: A Zombie Love Story/Musical "

Jun 2 2011 Heavily Armed Police Robot Leaves Tennessee Mobile Home "A Smoking Ruin After Firing Advanced Triple-Warhead Gas Grenades"

MORE: and you all laughed at me , damn , fire hazard , fire in your hole! , fireworks , going rogue , i told you! , instructions , police , robot , robots , safety last , that robot's clearly a pyro and must be stopped , the apocalypse -- it nears , woopsie doopsie , wow , wtf!

ZOMG.

Apparently police officers in Tennessee, having trapped an armed fugitive in his mobile home after a high-speed chase, were reluctant to enter the domicile themselves, and instead opted to use a gas-grenade launching robot to smoke the perp out. Only thing is, it set the whole damn double-wide on fire and dude escaped out the back. DU-DU-DU-D'OH!

Will Chambliss swears a police robot burned his neighbor's Ellis Road home to the ground weeks ago by blasting what looked like a javelin of flames into the living room ...

One bolt of fire dove at a spot several feet straight past the doorway, he said. Another ricocheted right, toward a corner of the room hidden from the view of his binoculars.

The local police incident report suggests that this was a "Flameless Tri-Chamber" unit suitable for use indoors (the triple chambers in this design keep the hot parts of the grenade confined while letting gas escape). However the Herald Courier, based on casings found at the scene, speculates that the robot may instead have launched a Triple Chaser unit designed to blow apart into three widely scattered gas-emitter subcanisters on initiation so as to achieve faster gas coverage over a wider area outdoors.

The Triple Chaser's manufacturer states that it should not be used indoors "due to its fire-producing capability".

Pfft, you can't really blame the police for using an outdoor grenade inside. Who the hell reads safety warning labels anyways? *jamming fork into toaster to loosen bagel* You know, last time I did this it felt like I gained superpowers. "A little tingling, then pissing yourself and collapsing onto the stove?" OMG -- YOU HAVE THEM TOO?!?!

Police ROBOT attacks and BURNS DOWN HOUSE [theregister]

Thanks to chainbear, a different Scott than from the last tip and Martin, who all fight fire with fire. Not gonna lie, guys, I'd opt for water or a fire extinguisher first.

Continue Reading " Mario/X-Men Mashup: Super Mario, Superhero "

Jun 2 2011 Mario/X-Men Mashup: Super Mario, Superhero

MORE: a comic/console collision , artist , characters , do a barrel roll! no? wrong franchise? , drawing , good job , i am impress , mario , mashup , nintendo , not bad , save me save me! , stab a goomba in the face -- do it now! , superheroes , sure why not , when worlds collide , x-men

This is a small series of Mario characters as X-Mens. This is Mario and Princess here, but there's Luigi & Yoshi, the Kongs, and some Toads after the jump. They were all created by DeviantARTist basicnoir (aka Casey Edwards) and don't make very good fap material. What? I made my roommate try! Back me up, Derek. "The one with the two Kongs ftw." LOLWUT?!

Hit the jump for the others.

Jun 2 2011 These Are Not The Kids You're Looking For: Principal Lifts Suspension For Lightsaber Duel

MORE: and i thought my principal sucked , duel , fight , high school , justice or something , lightsaber , lolwut? , not cool bro , prank , school , star wars , using the force , walking is overrated though , well it's about time

the dark side.jpg

Remember the two high school seniors that were suspended for 10 days and threatened with not being able to walk during their graduation ceremony after holding a mock lightsaber duel in the school's cafeteria? Well their principal, who will remain anonymous but whose actual name is Raymond K. Broderick, has lifted the suspension after three days and decided to allow the young padawans to walk during graduation. Gungan balls: Raymond could still tell you how salty they are.

"Suspensions carry the potential of exclusion from senior activities, including graduation night," the principal added. "These incidents may have been poor choices on their part, but I am comfortable that they will all go forward and succeed and have learned from this."

"These are all great kids with super futures, and they understand the consequences of their action," the principal said.

"...and they understand the consequence of their action"?! I can honestly say that, after choreographing a lightsaber duel in the school cafeteria, the last consequence I'd expect is suspension and missing graduation. A food fight or having to wait till college to kiss a girl, sure, but suspension? Principal Palpatine here clearly needs to lighten up. Get it? Like from the Dark Side!

'Star Wars' duo to join procession [massonline]

Thanks to Zack, who burnt a giant penis into the football field with gasoline for a senior prank. Like a proud father I am.

Jun 1 2011 Police Train Vultures To Sniff Out Dead Bodies

MORE: birds , dead , dogs , finding things , germany , humans , i spy , looking for things , one time when i was on a hike i'm pretty sure i saw a hand sticking out from underneath a pile of leaves but i never told anybody , smell , smells good to me , smells like shit , sure why not , training

Turkey vultures, hands down one of the ugliest-faced birds ("It looks like a ballsack!") in a family of ugly-faced birds, are being trained by German police to sniff out dead human bodies in areas much larger/difficult to access than traditional tracking dogs could cover. You hear that, Sir Sniffinass? I said you're fired!

They will attach global positioning system tracking devices to birds and get them to find the corpses of people who have disappeared in remote areas.

Policeman Rainer Herrmann said: "It was a colleague of mine who got the idea from watching a nature programme.

Vultures have a keen sense of smell and are able to detect the scent of rotting flesh from 3,000ft up in the air.

The first bird, Sherlock, is currently being trained to love the putrid smell of dead human flesh.

Yeaaaaaaah, Sherlock doesn't sound like much of a winner if he has to be trained to love the 'putrid smell of dead human flesh'. I mean, HE'S A VULTURE. What was he, born vegetarian? That said, I have a much simpler way of locating dead bodies. Checking the end of my blade. DON'T F*** WITH ME.

German police to use 'sniffer' vultures [telegraph]

Thanks to Zombeertroll, who smells of rotting flesh, stale beer and troll so bad the vultures won't stop circling.

MORE: do want , flying , flying to work , hurry up already the world ends next year , i believe i can fly i believe i can touch the sky -- think about it every night and day -- get called on in class while i'm daydreaming , i hate driving , jetpack , please send me one , reaching for the stars , wheeeeeeee! , will review , will test for free , yes please

Jun 1 2011 Personal Jetpacks One Step Closer To Reality After Successful Emergency Parachute Testing

If you'd asked me when I was 10, I would have told you WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that by 2011 we'd all be shooting around in the sky with jetpacks on, crashing into each other, getting sucked into jet engines, and all around dying every way possible a person with a rocket strapped to their back can. But are we? Nooooooooooooo. Enter Martin Aircraft, the developer of a 'jetpack' (which actually functions with ducted fans and not jets) I've been reporting on since 2008, just waiting to get my hands on one and touch the sky. Oooooooor hover outside your bedroom window watching you change.

Jetpacks...have no passive ways of generating lift, so if you run into a mechanical issue, you're pretty well screwed. Martin Aircraft is well aware of this potentially fatal shortcoming, so they've installed a ballistic parachute system designed to get you to a safe landing no matter what happens.

A ballistic parachute is just like a normal parachute except that it uses a small explosive charge to deploy itself really, really fast. Since you don't have to wait for the parachute to open, it'll do its job even if you're close to the ground

There's still no official release date, but there is a video after the jump of a guy taking the thing to 5,000ft (you should have gone the extra 280-feet to a mile and played with yourself!) and deploying the emergency parachute. SPOILER: it worked. "Dammit!" You're sick.

UPDATE: Test dummy, not an actual person. Now even I'm pissed that shit didn't catch fire and explode.

Hit the jump for an okay video.

Continue Reading " Personal Jetpacks One Step Closer To Reality After Successful Emergency Parachute Testing "

MORE: apple , i can't really say i'm too happy about this information taking up valuable space in my head now , i know a girl who's really into ampersands (&'s) , i like to use lots of z's , keyboard , keys , learning by looking , letters , peripherals , sure why not , typing

Jun 1 2011 Now How Am I Supposed To Type With That?!: Keyboard With Key Height According To Usage

That's a whole lot of E's (which makes sense considering Geekologie has three and everybody is all "GEEKOLOGIE GEEKOLOGIE GEEKOLOGIE!!" all day long). Created by Michael Knuepfel, the height of each key on the (of course Apple) keyboard is directly related to its usage according to data found on Wikipedia, which I may or may yes have been life-banned from ever editing. BUT I'M AN EXPERT ON EVERYTHING. "Women?" They smell good and never fart.

Hit the jump for another shot, the letter frequency graph used, and a video of the phallic letter wobblin' in action.

Continue Reading " Now How Am I Supposed To Type With That?!: Keyboard With Key Height According To Usage "

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Jun 1 2011 Death Star Commander Moff Tarkin Gets The Creepy As #$&% Silicon Bust(!!!!1) Treatment

MORE: bust , characters , darth vader , death star , face , face poison , faces , get it away from me! , holy smokes , i am impress , luke i am eerily realistic , silicon , star wars , stop staring at me , villains , wow , yikes , you shut up old man!

This is an ultra-realistic bust of Grand Moff Tarkin from the first Star Wars movie lovingly creepycrafted by effects artist/sculptor Jordu Schell. Speaking of Grand Moffs -- I watched an old 70's porno over the weekend. You should've seen the bushes on these dudes -- one guy had to pin his shit back with bobby pins! Grand Moff Tarkin is not to confused with Admiral Motti, who Vader famously Force-chokes after finding his lack of faith disturbing. Tarkin IS the one that tells Vader to stop before he chokes him out though, and Vader listens. What a little bitch! All the while you think he's some badass, but in reality he's taking orders from multiple grampas and gettin' all emotional about being such a deadbeat dad. YOU DUN GOOFED, VAJAYDER! *spits into respirator*

Hit the jump for a whole bunch pictures of the realer than real, including one of the artist with his creation.

Continue Reading " Death Star Commander Moff Tarkin Gets The Creepy As #$&% Silicon Bust(!!!!1) Treatment "

Continue Reading " Get A Muffler!: Noise Snare Ticketing System "

Jun 1 2011 Get A Muffler!: Noise Snare Ticketing System

MORE: cars , ear poison , loud , motorcycles , neeeeeeeow , noise pollution , nothing usually wakes me up at night but a crash , sounds , the doppler effect , transportation , turn it down! , you're hurting my ears!

Noise Snare is a system designed for collecting audio evidence (and the license plate numbers) of vehicles running louder than a certain decibel level. No word what happens if you cruise around with your horn blaring, but my guess is drive exactly like I do.

Noise Snare was invented by Mark Nesdoly, an electrical engineer from Edmonton, Canada. He was inspired to create it after a neighbor's loud motorcycle woke up his young daughter.

The system can be covertly mounted on a vehicle, which is then parked and left unattended at a location that municipalities wish to monitor. Once everything is armed, a microphone proceeds to register noise levels of passing vehicles. When a vehicle that exceeds legal noise levels is detected, a video camera captures footage of it, which is recorded - along with stereo audio - to DVD. Information such as the time, date and location of the infraction are superimposed on the footage, along with the vehicle's sound level in decibels.

Eh, I assume around here they'd catch mostly motorcyclists. Those things can be LOUD. Like, louder than a grizzly bear RAWRING inside a cave. "Pfft, how would you know?" Oh I don't know -- I'd just bought a knife and was in the market for a new rug. "Seriously?" Hell no, I followed it in thinking I'd found Bigfoot.

Hit the jump for a video demo of the NEEEEOOOOOOOOW, BUSTED! in action.

Continue Reading " Transform And Roll Out!: Hangar Garage Looks Inconspicuously Like Plain Ol' Back Of House "

Jun 1 2011 Transform And Roll Out!: Hangar Garage Looks Inconspicuously Like Plain Ol' Back Of House

MORE: cars , count me in , do want , garage , i am impress , i want one of those , i would never leave , inconceivable! , magic , no lie this was batman's original concept , not bad! , storage , surprise! , vehicles

This is a garage that looks like the back of a house/barn until the door opens. And then, oh man, it's clearly a garage.

Usually, dream garages never become reality. It's rare to find someone with enough ambition and/or cash to make it happen, but credit one Florida couple for creating something remarkable: the Hangar Home.

Their house's rear facade doubles as a garage door that conceals a cavernous work and storage area, complete with a set of cushy-looking armchairs for when the weekend project is over.

Not bad. It certainly beats my garage, which is a parallel spot on the street. Under a tree. Shade, baby! Also: bird shit and pollen.

Hit the jump for a video of the door opening BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT DOORS DO. Unless it's mine, in which case it gets kicked down by junkies looking for something to steal.

Jun 1 2011 (Not A) Fair Fight: Taser Glove Laser Thingy

MORE: don't tase me or laser point me bro! , electricity , fighting , law enforcement , police , prison , shocking , sure why not , taser , taser taser taser! , weapons , whatever happened to good ol' fashioned brass knuckles? , zippity-zap!

Always getting into fights? It's your face -- people find it offensive. Wear a mask like I do. Kidding, I just don't ever go out. The BodyGuard (not to be confused with the movie I've never seen and have no intention of) is the lovechild of a ballistics-nylon arm bracer, video camera, flashlight, 500,000-volt taser and laser pointer. That...must've been one hell of an orgy. It was designed by David Brown (not Charlie, Dan or Doo Doo) for use by police and corrections officers to help defuse potentially dangerous (read: stabby) situations. A make-believe scenario that doesn't involve tasering your roommate while he's passed out on the couch:

A robber is cornered in a dead-end alley. He turns to face the police officer pursuing him, ready to fight. He pauses. The officer's left forearm is encased in ballistic nylon, and half a million volts arc menacingly between electrodes on his wrist. A green laser target lands on the robber's chest. He puts his hands up; it's a fight he can't win.

Not gonna lie, I guarantee I'd still wind up tasering myself. Probably while in a compromising situation. "Like trying on women's clothes?!" No (although I do do that), like trying to get up off the john with numb legs. I wouldn't go in there for awhile, bro -- smells like burnt wiener. Wasn't me though, I just noticed it. "But your pants are charred." I HAD DIABLO HOT WINGS FOR LUNCH.

2011 Invention Awards: A Crime-Fighting Armored Glove [popsci]

Thanks to R-Man Thunderfist and Jacob, who fight with Power Gloves on and usually lose.

MORE: 2000 years -- he can't find one broad to fit the bill? Come on Dave -- you must be doing something seriously wrong! , artist , bad people , big trouble in little china ftw , characters , doing bad things , evil , good job , i recognize a couple of you! , like the style , movies , villains , when good things happen to bad people or something

Jun 1 2011 50 Movie Bad Guys (With A Couple Ladies)

Note: Full-res version HERE and a cheat-sheet for your low-down dirty cheaters HERE.

This is a stylized portrait of 50 notable bad guys throughout movie history by artist Robert Ball. I'd argue that some of them aren't so much bad as they are just misunderstood, but I'd say the same thing about myself despite the majority of friends agreeing I'm "a real jerk". As opposed to what, you stupid kegels -- a "fake" jerk? I swear, I really need to stop hanging out with these morons.

Fifty Baddies [drawtheline] (Robert's Website)
via
Giclée Print of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Thanks to adrian and Romeo, who agree "bad" is relative. Wait -- like uncles and cousins?!