May 31 2011 Captain's Orders: When Captain Jean-Luc Picard Says Engage, You Better Say Yes!
How cute is that? "Super cute." And this picture of a sleepy kitten on top of a sleepy puppy? "Also cute." Aaaaaaaaand what about this? "WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?!" Haha, that's a picture I found online of a rash that closest resembles mine. Well -- what's your professional opinion? "Looks like Mars but..." But on a ballsack?! Because that's exactly what it feels like too.
Engage! The Star Trek Engagement Ring Marriage Proposal [obviouswinner]
Thanks to Mark, who proposed with an "It's a Trap" ring box. It...didn't go over as well.
May 31 2011 Record-Breaking 332-Ft Jump In A Truck
And it wasn't off a cliff!
Team Hot Wheels just set the world record for furthest jump in a car/truck during the opening festivities before the Indianapolis 500 over the weekend with a distance of 332-feet, easily clearing (!!!11) the previous record of 303-feet set in 2009 and completely f***ing shattering my own personal best of "over a curb and into a creek". Not to brag, but I did catch a frog waiting for the tow-truck.
Hit the jump for the jump(!!!!!11) going down.
May 31 2011 'Outside Aperture', Impressive Portal Fan Film (w/ Bonus Portal Performance Piece!)
'Outside Aperture' is a 8-minute Portal fan film. It's really good. Like the muffins my elderly neighbor used to bake and bring over before I found out she made them with kitty litter (I thought they were pistachio bits!). I don't really want to ruin anything for you, so just hit the jump and watch it. Oh -- and nobody cares if you think Chell's hot and you'd do her, she wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot Portal gun. "Oh yeah? What if I left a trail of cake to lure her into my bed?" Ha, you'll probably catch a me. HOPE YOU LIKE SNUGGLING, BRO.
Hit the jump for the very worthwhile short, along with a live-action performance piece of Portal performed at the recent Fanime convention.
May 31 2011 World Health Organization: Cell Phone Radiation Can Probably Cause Cancer
Because everything causes cancer if you're exposed to enough of it (except my wiener! *flashing*), the World Health Organization (WHO -- but not the Doctor) has released a statement classifying cell phone radiation as "possibly carcinogenic to humans". Also on that list: fun, candy and outside. Oooooooor lead, chloroform and engine exhaust. Which, *ahem* ♪ these are a few of my favorite things ♪
Before its announcement Tuesday, WHO had assured consumers that no adverse health effects had been established.
A team of 31 scientists from 14 countries, including the United States, made the decision after reviewing peer-reviewed studies on cell phone safety.What that means is that right now there haven't been enough long-term studies conducted to make a clear conclusion if radiation from cell phones are safe, but there is enough data showing a possible connection that consumers should be alerted.
"The biggest problem we have is that we know most environmental factors take several decades of exposure before we really see the consequences," said Dr. Keith Black, chairman of neurology at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.
Thank God nobody ever makes calls anymore and everything is done by text-message, amirite? I am. But if I find out I'm getting nut cancer because my phone is radiating right next to my change purse there's going to be hell to pay. Ooooooooor balls to cut off. *Einstein hides under the bed* Not yours, dummy -- MINE. *Einstein comforting his balls with his tongue*
WHO: Cell phone use can increase possible cancer risk [cnn]
Thanks to Evil Ares, who makes all his calls from a treehouse using two rusty soup cans and a long string. Be careful bro, you might not get cancer but tetanus is a very real possibility.
May 31 2011 A Sawblade Slingshot: For Personal Injury
Because my job is as easy as following Youtube channels and posting the latest content (or "stealing everything from from Reddit/Stumbledupon" depending on which dumbf*** you ask), here's Slingshot Bear-Man or whatever the hell he calls himself shooting circular saw blades with a homemade slingshot. It bears little resemblance to the one David used to bring down Goliath, because that was just a sling, not a slingshot. "Like I had to wear after I broke my arm punching a hole through a mountain?!" No, that's a different kind of sling and we all know you broke it masturbating anyway. Stop lying, it isn't healthy (plus you could develop bedsores).
Hit the jump for the you better pray it doesn't backfire.
Continue Reading " A Sawblade Slingshot: For Personal Injury "
May 31 2011 Excessive Gore: Call Of Duty Style Music Vid Of Kids Shooting Each Other With Nerf Guns
Note: Video has a whole bunch of little kids shooting each other and CG blood effects. I can't in good conscience recommend watching it unless you're a male between the ages of 12 and 30, and even then I'd encourage you to opt for a cat video instead.
This is a homemade music video for Is Tropical's song 'The Greeks'. It features a bunch of kids running around with Nerf guns in the style of Call of Doodles with a shit-ton of shooting each other and blood (plus smoke!) effects. I found it disturbing. I dunno, something about 'lil kids shooting each other just didn't set well with me. Also, the breakfast burrito I found in the back of the fridge. I thought it was left over from Saturday, but I think it was left over from the time before that. That was March. As in, "OMG, this thing is marching right through me". I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it burst out of my ass like an alien baby. "Um, alien babies burst out of chests." *rolling eyes* Right, right -- I FORGOT YOU WERE AN ASTRONAUT.
Hit the jump for the you have been warned, song is okay though.
May 31 2011 Yeah, No: A Money-Shredding Alarm Clock
Have trouble getting up in the morning? Congratulations, you're human. Also, possibly depressed. JOIN THE CLUB. The mile-hi...no? You probably don't own a rocketship anyways! This is an alarm clock that slowly shreds paper money if you don't get up to turn it off. It's not very practical because 1. IT SHREDS F***ING MONEY and 2. if it's on your nightstand all you have to do is turn it off and go back to bed (or only stock it with old grocery store receipts!). Just make sure you don't accidentally hit 'SNOOZE' and then jump in the shower, because you might come out $200 poorer. Or even worse -- hear it go off while you're in there and slip and fall rushing out to smash it. You know they say 80% of household accidents happen in the bathroom, which is a shame because you're so close to a toilet. I've pooped my pants in the kitchen before.
Shredder Alarm Clock: You Snooze, You Lose Money [technabob]
Thanks to Erik, who wakes up the old fashioned way: to the sound of a cock crowing. Is that, uh, is that a sexual euphemism?
May 31 2011 Obi-Wan Kenofriendsofmine!: Jedi A-Holes
This is the second installment of Freddie Wong's 'Jedi A-holes', appropriately titled 'Jedi A-Holes Strike Back'. Get it? Just like the Star Wars sequel! You might not have picked up on that but I've been complimented for my astuteness on several different occasions. Mostly by my mom who knows I have self-esteem issues. Anyway, if you didn't see the first one (also posted after the jump), this one's got more of the same -- two Jedis running around town being a-holes. I especially liked the part where dude Force-moved the moon to make the tide come in and soak that chick on the beach. Still, a little nip or a shark attack wouldn't have killed anybody. Huh? Right, besides her. Make sure to check out the videos if you're into Jedis or Freddie's visual effects. Me? I'm into both. Read: this is not a lightsaber in my pocket (it's a dildo).
Hit the jump for both short but worthwhile videos.
Continue Reading " Obi-Wan Kenofriendsofmine!: Jedi A-Holes "
May 30 2011 HAAAAAAAAAAAPPY MEMORIAL DAY
Happy Memorial Day. I'd like to take this time to thank all those who have given their lives for the sweet, sweet freedom we seem to so often take for granted. Thank you. For a guy whose idea of sacrifice involves forgoing dessert, I've got nothing but respect for those who have, and continue to, serve this country. Here's to you. *clinking canteens*
May 30 2011 PBS Website Gets Hacked, TUPAC LIVES!!!11
Because I've always suspected he was still around, somebody hacked the PBS website and put up a story about Tupac being found alive and well in a small New Zealand resort town. Pfft, and you thought he was hiding out in Central America. YOU ARE SO DUMB!
PBS NewsHour online engagement staffer Teresa Gorman has spent much of her holiday Sunday night replying to folks on Twitter, telling them the report is false and PBS has been hacked.
The Lulz Boat has claimed responsibility. Not only has it posted the "Tupac Alive" Web update to the PBS site, but on Twitter it posted information for staffers, the PBS network, and password info for PBS stations.According to Secure Business Intelligence, LulzSec has attacked several high-profile organizations in the last month, although it is known to hack for "entertainment and infamy," rather than financial gain.
Wait -- so is he still alive or not? Because if I start spreading this and it turns out he's actually dead I'm gonna look mighty stupid. Ha, did I say stupid? I meant dashing. *struttin' that ass*
PBS Hacked, Claims 'Tupac Alive' In New Zealand [huffingtonpost]
Thanks to Ed, who doesn't care if the story's fake just as long as Biggie's still out there.
May 30 2011 Man Builds Plane In Basement, Has To Dig Up Yard And Destroy Wall To Get It Out
Just like THIS GUY who did the same thing with a Lamborghini, Dan Reeves spent nine years building a RV-7A airplane kit in his basement. Theeeeeen had a contractor dig up his yard and remove a basement wall to pull it out. Why? Because his wife is a dream-crusher, that's why.
To be fair, Dan only really wanted to build the thing, then install a glass floor in the living room so he could admire his handywork from above. Unfortunately his wife nixed that idea, so out it came.
OMG -- A GLASS FLOORED LIVING ROOM WITH A PLANE BENEATH?! That would have been the shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Well, provided the basement isn't all junky looking. Or have a grown son living in it with a penchant for playing duck duck wiener. *ahem* Me. Wait...
Hit the jump for a video news report, because this is news somewhere (I posted it, didn't I?)
Continue Reading " Man Builds Plane In Basement, Has To Dig Up Yard And Destroy Wall To Get It Out "
May 30 2011 Lightsaber Duel 'Prank' Gets Two High School Seniors Suspended, Possibly Miss Graduation
A pair of high-school seniors have been suspended and may not be allowed to walk during their graduation ceremony after staging a mock lightsaber duel senior prank between the two of them in the school's cafeteria during lunch (I heard it was pizza day!). Not gonna lie guys, I'm not sure that qualifies as a prank.
"So one kid walked in from one side of the lunchroom and another one to the other side, and he called him out in a fight...And they pulled out their saber toys and in a joking manner proceeded to fight for a solid, like, 30 seconds," said Kevin Carr.
"Everybody laughed at it...gave them a standing ovation. Nobody saw it as a big deal," said Carr.It's a big deal to administrators. The two students were escorted to the principal's office, suspended for two days and told they wouldn't be able to walk in their graduation ceremony next Friday.
"They very easily could have hit another student they could have started something different...someone could have gotten hurt," said Westfield High School Principal Raymond Broderick.
"Someone could have gotten hurt"? You do know the lightsabers weren't real, right? Besides, they were using the Force. People able to wield the Force wouldn't accidentally stab a lunch lady. Huh? Yes, the one with that mole on her chin that's growing a lil forest! *puke puke puke* You gonna eat your cinnamon roll? *poking with licked finger* What about now?
Hit the jump for a crappy news report.
May 27 2011 Creepy As &#%@: Sneak-Peek Of Pinocchio
So this is a sneak peak of the wooden star of Gris Grimly and Mark Gustafson's future stop-motion release of Pinocchio (produced by The Jim Henson Company and Guillermo Del Toro). Not gonna lie, he looks scary as shit. I'm 29 and I'd probably cry in the theater if I saw that (especially in, God-forbid, 3-D). I've actually had nightmares about less frightening wood goblins. I don't care how badly somebody wants a child, if this thing comes to life you set it on fire.
Be safe and have a great Memorial Day Weekend everybody!
First Look At The Pinocchio Puppet From Gris Grimly... [bleedingcool]
and
THE NEW & IMPROVED IWATCHSTUFF FOR ALL YOUR MOVIE AND TV NEWS
Thanks to lil co, who comes to life every morning around 9:00. Lucky! (I get up at 6)
May 27 2011 You're So Dumb It Pains Me: Facebook Users That Think The Onion's Articles Are Real
Because there aren't enough trolls on the internet already, some of the dumber Facebook users are actually forced to troll themselves from time to time (read: all the time, always). Thankfully, for those of us that aren't ashamed to laugh at humanity's spiraling downfall, 'Literally Unbelievable' is a blog that documents these gems of human sadness. Basically it goes like this: somebody links to an article from The Onion (A GIANT SATIRICAL NEWS ORGANIZATION) believing it's real, along with an expression of their outrage (usually in the form of misspelled drivel), then a bunch of other idiots jump on the dumbf*** bandwagon as it goes careening down a mountain. It's great. It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me put a gun in my mouth.
Literally Unbelievable on Tumblr
Thanks to April (O'Neil?!?!) and Stegosoreass *wink*, who don't believe everything they read unless it's on Geekologie because I'd never lie to you. I HAVE TO PAY FOR AN EXTRA SEAT ON AIRPLANES JUST FOR MY PECKER.
May 27 2011 Domino Pyramid Collapses Near Completion
Because there's no greater joy in life than the smile of a child someone else's misfortune, this is a video of a guy building a 13,000 piece domino pyramid, and having it collapse on him as it nears completion. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! It's the simple things, you know?
This would have been the biggest 3D domino pyramid on YouTube and very probably in the world (not a Guinness record though, they don't have such a category yet), with a bottom layer of 27x27 dominoes and 13,482 pieces in total, but there seems to be some kind of Egyptian curse on domino pyramids. I didn't even make a mistake here, it toppled all by itself when it was more than 96% completed, with just 439 dominoes missing :-(
Probably frequently asked questions:- This took about 30 hours of actual work, spread over five weeks.
- I AM FINE. First, it would be much worse if I had actually messed it up -- but it wasn't my fault, as you can see in the video. Second, I've been a domino-builder for more than eleven years, so it's not the first time I have to cope with a project toppling too early. I wasn't even really sad, just dull.
"I wasn't even really sad, just dull." Whoa, when a person stops feeling feelings -- that's when you know it's bad. If I were him I probably wouldn't have been able to get out of bed the next day. FOR A YEAR. And then only to pee and eat a gallon of ice cream. I guess you could say I'm sensitive...to a woman's needs. SHOW US YOUR TITS!
Hit the jump for a time lapse of the build, real-time of the collapse.
Continue Reading " Domino Pyramid Collapses Near Completion "
May 27 2011 Zelda/BTTF Mashup: 'A Link To The Future'
Note: Video has some cussin'.
Ever wanted to see a fan-film combining one of the best video game franchises of all time with one of of the best movies of all time to produce a mediocre short? Well you're in luck, because this is that! I just hope you didn't waste one of three genie wishes on making it happen though, because you might be disappointed. Ooooooor about to get knocked the f*** out and the lamp stolen. Per the synopsis:
Shortly after the events of Ocarina of Time, Doc Brown tells Link he must travel back to time, chronicling the Legend of Zelda series in the ultimate timeline. Will Link survive his heroic quest? Spoiler alert: No.
Wait -- Link dies?! WUH TEH FUH! That is sooooooo not cash. That is not even coins, that is dryer lint and candy wrappers. Which, unfortunate fact: a grocery store cashier will not take in exchange for a steak. Not even if its a Indian star Tootsie Pop wrapper. DAMMIT LADY -- IN CANDYLAND THIS IS LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS! "This isn't Candyland." Fine, FINE. Trade me a pork chop for a half-eaten Ring Pop?
Hit the jump for over five minutes of huh?
Continue Reading " Zelda/BTTF Mashup: 'A Link To The Future' "
May 27 2011 VW's 'Eat The Road' Print Ad Actually Edible
This is a Volkswagen Golf print ad that appeared in South African copies of Auto Trader magazine that's actually edible. It was accompanied by the line 'Eat the Road. Seriously, Eat It' and was made from "glutinous rice flour, water, salt, propylene glycol, FD&C colour, glycerine." What, no artificial flavor?! Please tell me it at least smelled like new car and gasoline. Clever effort, VW, so I almost hate to break it to you, BUT ALL PRINT ADS ARE EDIBLE. Don't believe me? *tears out and eats ad from Playboy* See? *licking lips* Mmmmmm, that one must've had titties on the back!
Hit the jump for a picture of the ad not in some guy's mouth.
Continue Reading " VW's 'Eat The Road' Print Ad Actually Edible "
May 27 2011 Hating You Forever: Let Your Unborn Baby Pick Its Own Name With An iPhone App
Damn girl, your virgin bars are off the chart -- sounds like a Mother Mary situation!
Kick to Pick, which is probably the worst name for an app that has anything to do with babies, is a $1 iPhone application that allows your unborn child to pick its own name with a simple kick from inside the mother's stomach. *getting queasy* "Morning sickness?" God, I hope not.
The app includes a database of thousands of gender-specific names which you can narrow down if you prefer by creating a favorites list. You then place your iPhone on your baby bump and the app will move through the list, presumably reading off the names one-by-one, until the built-in accelerometer detects that your child has provided some kind of physical feedback.
Oh man, just wait till your child finds out how it was named. They are gonna hate you FOREEEEEEEVER. I'm talking run away from home to become a stripper/drug dealer kind of hate. No, I'd recommend saving yourself $1 (and lifetime of misery) and do what I do: use the name of the city the kid was conceived in. Back me up here, Panama City Beach 2!
Official Site
via
Letting Your Unborn Fetus Choose Its Own Name? - There's An App For That [ohgizmo]
May 27 2011 Take A Wild Guess: How Many Spam Emails Does It Take To Sell $100 In Boner Pills?
That's right -- 12.5 million. Or just one sent to the right guy *wink*. But now researchers are convinced there's a way to drastically reduce (NOT add 4+ inches to) the amount of spam by convincing a few key banks to sever business ties with known spam-a-lama-ding-dongs.
A new research paper by a team of Californian computer scientists shows the way: According to their research on almost one billion messages, 95 of all credit card sales generated by spam mails are handled by three banks from Azerbaijan, Denmark and the West Indies.
That means that, if you get those banks to cut business with the illegal spammers--and chase any other financial institutions that may spring to take their position, I guess--then you will be able to kill the spam.
I don't know about you guys, but I actually don't mind spam. And I'm not just saying that because without it my inbox would never *ding!*, but it wouldn't and that would make me a sad bear. And you don't want me to be a sad bear, do you? "Couldn't care less, go play in traffic." Traffic -- or in the sewers like a ninja turtle?
How Many Spam Mails Does It Take to Sell $100 of Viagra? [gizmodo]
May 27 2011 Guy Proposes In World Of Warcraft (After Pretending He's Breaking Up With Her)
This is a video of a guy proposing to his girlfriend in World of Warcraft, but not before pretending he's about to break up with her. It's really like a fairy tale if you think about it. Don Juan Dungeonraider here clearly has a way with the women. I wonder if he teaches classes. Ooooooooor brushes his teeth before bed. Congratulations, guys.
Hit the jump for the video, but all the action takes place between 1:10 - 3:00.
Continue Reading " Guy Proposes In World Of Warcraft (After Pretending He's Breaking Up With Her) "
May 26 2011 Raising Architects: LEGO-Walled Kid's Room
The Big Bad Wolf laughs at your plastic walls!
I know I said LEGO in the headline, but they're actually DUPLO (LEGO's harder to swallow chubby lil sister). I only name-dropped LEGO because I knew it would draw you into this riveting article. Pretty titillating so far, amirite? "Needs work." Fine, FINE -- I'M CRANKING THIS POST UP TO LEVEL 11 IN 3...2...*CATASTROPHIC ENGINE FAILURE!* Too bad, maybe next time. This is a kid's room with the walls covered entirely in DUPLO base plates for the children to build off of. But, based on the height of the majority of the constructions, I'm guessing somebody's dad is actually the one having all the fun. And can you blame him? You cannot. You can make fun of his building skills though. WTF are those even supposed to be, bro?! You will never be an architect! Back me up here, Frank Lloyd Wright! Frank? Go ahead, whenever you're ready. "He's been dead over fifty years." GUGGENHEIM'D!
LEGO Duplo Walls: I Want My Whole Place Like This [technabob]
Thanks to Terri, who has Erector Set walls. That...sounds like poking an eye out just waiting to happen.
May 26 2011 Pfft, If It's A REAL Emergency You'll Just Use Your Pants: The Japanese Emergency Toilet
This Japanese Emergency toilet may look like a man squatting in a trash bag in front of other people, but that's just because that's exactly what's happening. But -- BUT -- inside that privacy bag (which should also come with a masquerade mask IMHO) is another, smaller bag containing some sort of weird absorbent pills that soak up all your urine and doodle water and turn it into some sort of disgusting, gelatinous shit monster (video after the jump!). It's really not a very happy ending. Kind of like in the book I'm writing. SPOILER: Everyone dies.
Hit the jump for a deuce-droppin' demo.
May 26 2011 The Definitive Super Mario Soda Box Display
Note: Worthwhile full-res version HERE in case you're in the market for a new desktop background.
Yeaaaaaaah, we're not really gonna pay you any extra for that, Van Gogh. Also, I'm gonna have to ask you to remove everything above warp pipe level because those pose a potential falling hazard to customers. And if you think some lady's not gonna come in here and try to knock one the boxes off the top like it's some sort of magical, no-expiration date milk, you've got another thing coming. Namely, a lawsuit after she takes two 12-pack of Canada Dry to the face. Sure we'll settle out of court for a couple cartons of cigarettes, but that's not the point. The point is...actually, I forgot the point -- just get those boxes down. If you need me I'll be getting high in the walk-in cooler pretending to stock OJ.
Mario and Luigi soda display [albotas]
Thanks to Javier, who prefers bottles.
May 26 2011 Eye Candy(!!!!!11): Awesome Eyelid Art
This is a gallery of DeviantARTist KatieAlves' (aka Katie Alves) awesome eyelid art. Which -- if eyes really are the windows to the soul, then Katie's work are the Picassos of window treatments. Sure beats the dirty towel my neighbor tacks up in his office window while he masturbates, that's for sure. Ooh ooh -- now paint mine to look like my eyes are always open so I can sleep through this business meeting. No lie, it's a meeting about other f***ing meetings. An Inception meeting, if you will.
Hit the jump for a bunch more, and a link to Katie's DeviantART page with even more, plus some bonus lip work!
May 26 2011 I Want The Gold -- Gimme The Gold: Chinese Prisoners Forced To Farm Warcraft Gold
So apparently Chinese prisoners are being used by prison bosses and guards as free labor to mine the shit out of World of Warcraft gold and other virtual commodities and aren't even allowed to level up their characters. Now that's harsh.
"Prison bosses made more money forcing inmates to play games than they do forcing people to do manual labour," Liu told the Guardian. "There were 300 prisoners forced to play games. We worked 12-hour shifts in the camp. I heard them say they could earn 5,000-6,000rmb [£470-570] (~$770-935) a day. We didn't see any of the money. The computers were never turned off."
It is estimated that 80% of all gold farmers are in China and with the largest internet population in the world there are thought to be 100,000 full-time gold farmers in the country.
Prison farming aside, there's over a hundred-thousand full-time Warcraft gold farmers in China?! That's f***in' nuts! I can't even imagine numbers that high. Or, okay, anything past the hundreds. "Not even 1,000?" Whoa whoa whoa -- cool it with all the zeros, homey!
China used prisoners in lucrative internet gaming work [guardian]
Thanks to AverageGeekGirl, who collects gold the old fashioned way: chasing leprechauns.
May 26 2011 Guy Makes Street Fighter II Sounds By Mouth
This is a video of some guy recreating all the sounds from three rounds of Street Fighter II by mouth and making some of the most ridiculous faces I've ever seen in six of my lives (I'm a cat). Unfortunately, it's all *meow* Ken vs. Blanka, so if you were hoping to hear any other characters' moves besides theirs you can forget about it. Also, that you saw me at the bar when I was supposed to be at a friend's baby shower. *purring*
Hit the jump for the video, which is definitely best watched for ten seconds.
Continue Reading " Guy Makes Street Fighter II Sounds By Mouth "
May 26 2011 Video Game Algorithm Smooths Out Pixelation
Two researchers are developing an algorithm designed specifically to 'de-pixelize' 8-bit (and 16-bit) video game graphics in real-time into smoother, more flowing ones. This. changes. everything. No, no it doesn't -- but it does change the amount of time I'll spend playing NES games on an emulator while I'm supposed to be working. *checks to make sure Spy Hunter is still paused in the background* What? I just made it to the boat part!
To achieve such beautiful images, the researchers use a complex blend of pixel analysis and spline curves. These approaches in specific, and vectorization of bitmaps in general, are nothing new -- Adobe Illustrator does it quite well -- but in this case, because the researchers were only working with 8-bit pixel art, they could create a very specialized algorithm.
You know what would be even cooler? If there was an algorithm that made 8-bit graphics look photo-realistic. Now that -- that's the future. "But I thought the future was all personal jetpacks and world peace." HA -- keep dreaming, Nostradamus.
Hit the jump for a bunch more examples, including one from Doom that didn't turn out so hot.
Continue Reading " Video Game Algorithm Smooths Out Pixelation "
May 26 2011 I'm Vomiting Already: Gummi Shot Glasses
I'm. Puking. RAINBOOOOWS!! Aaaaaaaaand Pad Thai.
You wanna know what goes well with a shot? Another one. Like socks and knockers, shots are always best in pairs. Although truthfully, I wouldn't shy away from three nips. Come on -- you alien guys know what I'm talkin' about! *high-seven*
Gummy Shot Glasses are absolutely delicious. Not only will they add a hint of flavor to the liquid in your shot, but then you can just eat the evidence (so to speak). Each pack of Gummy Shot Glasses has 6 shot glasses (2 of each of 3 flavors)...And hey, if you don't feel like drinking, Gummy Shot Glasses make a delicious snack all by themselves. Bottoms up!
There's a worthwhile ThinkGeek product demo after the jump of a guy getting shitcanned in his kitchen with nobody but a cameraman (just like me!), but it doesn't really make the glasses look too appetizing. Six shots will set you back $15, which is the same price as a crappy fifth -- you do the math. Then, count up all this change and tell me if I have enough for a bottle.
Hit the jump for the demo and a link to ThinkGeek's product site.
Continue Reading " I'm Vomiting Already: Gummi Shot Glasses "
May 25 2011 Infra-Red Satellite Imaging Reveals Buried Egyptian City, Final Resting Place Of The Ark Of The Covenant! (Per Indiana Jones)
Infra-red satellite imaging of Egypt has revealed a buried city near San El Hagar with over 17 pyramids, 1,000 tombs and 3,000 other buildings. It's the ancient city of Tanis, and it's where the Ark of the Covenant is buried (provided you believe Raiders of the Lost Ark, but not past the point where Indy actually finds it, the Nazi's get all f***ed up after opening it, and it winds up in a crate in some nondescript government warehouse). Sounds legit to me!
The team analysed images from satellites orbiting 700km above the earth, equipped with cameras so powerful they can pin-point objects less than 1m in diameter on the earth's surface.
Infra-red imaging was used to highlight different materials under the surface.Ancient Egyptians built their houses and structures out of mud brick, which is much denser than the soil that surrounds it, so the shapes of houses, temples and tombs can be seen.
So like, is looting still frowned upon? Hey -- I don't even need the ark, I'd settle for a mummified cat and a jarful of organ jerky. Just a little something for my foyer to let visitors know I'm cultured. "Would you settle for a paperback copy of 'The Book of the Dead' and a cartouche necklace that reads 'Geekologie Writer'?" SOLD!
Egyptian pyramids found by infra-red satellite images [bbcnews]
and
Buried city revealed by satellite [bbcnews] (with video)
Thanks to Paul E, not to be confused with Wall E, who I'd beat to pieces with a shovel.
May 25 2011 On This 34th Anniversary Of Star Wars: Bento Chewbacca, A Droid Tiled Shower, An X-Wing Soapbox Derby Car And Grillennium Falcon Food Truck
Because today's the 34th anniversary of the first Star Wars movie released in theaters (and there's more Star Wars shit on the internet than you could wave a glowstick lightsaber at), here's four posts of stuff in one. First, a Chewbacca bento box that could double as Cousin Itt if you ate the nose, mouth and bandolier. Secondly, a bathroom shower tiled with Star Wars characters that's waaaaaaay less moldy and pubey than mine. Thirdly, an impressive X-wing fighter soapbox derby car that I would 120% crash into the house at the bottom of my street screaming "PEW PEW PEW DIE DEATH STAR DIE!". And last (and probably least), a Fayetteville, Arkansas food truck featuring a Grillennium Falcon that George Lucas is probably ordering a cease & desist from even as I type this. Congratulations on 34 years of Star Wars, George, now retire to your compound never to be heard from again.
Hit the jump for the other 'stars don't actually war, do they?' (I have no clue)
May 25 2011 I Will Not Be Outbid!: For Sale, Severed Head Of The Patron Saint Of Venereal Diseases
Severed head? Now that's a VD!
In other anatomical news, this is allegedly the skull of Saint Vitalis of Assisi (hoho, your mom was a namby pamby!), the patron saint of venereal diseases. It's going up for auction soon and I'm going to buy it. Theeeeeeeen wear it around my neck as a talisman to ward off wiener warts. Did I mention in comes in a custom Queen Anne display case? 17th-century craftsmanship, just sayin'!
St Vitalis was born in Umbria, Italy, and is said to have lived an immoral and licentious youth.
In an attempt to atone for his early sins, he later undertook pilgrimages to shrines throughout Europe, eventually entering the Benedictine monastery at Subiaco.It is said that he wore only rags and shunned all material wealth, with the exception of a basket which he used to fetch water from a nearby stream.
He died in 1370, and word of his sanctity soon spread due to reports of numerous miracles performed on those with bladder and genital disorders.
Wow, of all the miracles I'd like to perform I can honestly say none involve genital disorders. Sure one might involve turning a tiny-ass wiener into something that drags behind me when I walk, BUT THAT IS IT.
Severed head of patron saint of genital disease on sale [bbcnews]
Thanks to sean, who allegedly has the head of the patron saint of video games resting on top of his X-Box. Yeaaaaaah, I wouldn't want that staring at me when I'm trying to play.
May 25 2011 LEGO Anatomy Model: We're All Just A Bunch Of Modular Plastic Parts
Bro. Hey bro -- your penis fell off.
This is a human anatomy LEGO figure (not to be confused with the anatomy OF a LEGO figure) created by LEGOmaniac and Flickr user Choking Hazards (I know they are but I can't resist!) and Photoshopped to look like it's straight out of an old anatomy book. Thankfully it's not though, because otherwise we'd have a whole bunch of doctors practicing today that can't tell @$$holes from elbows and stand just as good a chance of removing either if you go in for an appendectomy. Don't get me wrong, my b-hole isn't anything to write home about, but I'd still like to keep it. Wouldn't I? Wouldn't I, lil b-hole? "Bleach me." YOU SHUT THE F*** UP OR I WILL STOP WIPING.
Hit the jump for a bunch more.
Continue Reading " LEGO Anatomy Model: We're All Just A Bunch Of Modular Plastic Parts "
May 25 2011
Magic Missiles Needles: A Harry Potter Quilt
Note: Slightly larger version HERE in case you're into deets (that's slang for details).
This is a "paper-pieced" Harry Potter quilt thrown SEWN together by Jennifer Offenstein (NOT Castle Wolfenstein). As you might be able to see, it was hand-crafted with a love for the series and, I dunno, maybe even a little magic. Jk, jk -- we'd have to burn her for being a witch.
This quilt is more just a million bits of fabric stitched together. It represents all the years I've loved Harry Potter and some of my favorite things about the series. It has brought me friends, and fans, and brought more quilters that I can count into the wonderful world of paper piecing.
*wiping tear* Sorry -- it's just that arts & crafts stories always get to me. Oooooor I was plucking nose hairs and writing Geekologie at the same time. Which one was it? The world may never know! SPOILER: Now my nose is bleeding.
Harry Potter Paper Piecing (with a ton more info, plus patterns!!!!!11)
via
Kickass Quilt of the Day [thedailywh.at]
Thanks to Denise, not to be confused with Denny's, which is where I'm usually puking around 4AM. And to rose, who just made her own by stapling a bunch of Harry Potter dust jackets to an afghan.
May 25 2011 When Hollywood Meets Mancave: Video Game Movies, The Informational Graphic
Note: This is nowhere near the whole graphic, click RIGHT HERE DO IT NOW to see the entire graphic and getcha swerve learn on.
This is an informational graphic all about video games that were made into movies (not just fan-films, although usually those are better). Sadly, Rygar, Metroid and Kid Icarus aren't mentioned, which is a shame because those would all be awesome to see on the big screen. Well, in my mind anyways. Also in my mind: the not unseeable picture a fan sent me of 'GEEKOLOGIE RULEZ' Sharpie'd down his wiener. It....was long. *restores from Recycle Bin, looks again* Gettin' mad jelly over here.
What Is The #1 Video Game Movie of All Time? [ign]
Thanks to the enigma, who's a waste of time trying to get to know. Seriously, we've talked like ten times and I don't know the first thing about him.
May 25 2011 Truck Driver Pierces Buttcheek With Broken Air-Hose, "Blows Up Like A Balloon", Is Okay
'Big Trouble In Little China' screencaps: never not appropriate.
So apparently New Zealand (NOT Polish) truck driver Steven McCormack fell between the cabin and trailer of his rig during an inspection, landing on the nozzle of a compressed air hose, which subsequently pierced a buttcheek (no word on the left or right), blowing his ass up like a balloon at a child's birthday party. Don't worry though, you can laugh because he's okay now.
He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air - pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in - had separated fat from muscle.
"I felt the air rush into my body and I felt like it was going to explode from my foot."I was blowing up like a football... it felt like I had the bends, like in diving. I had no choice but just to lay there, blowing up like a balloon," he told the local newspaper, the Whakatane Beacon.
He said his skin feels "like a pork roast", hard and crackly on the outside but soft underneath.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If it's, "but I wonder if he's as tasty as a pork roast" you are! So here's the plan: you distract him, I'll inject him with a sedative/marinade, then we set his hospital bed on fire. *pushing nurse call-button* Luau in room 214 -- bring grass skirts and coconut bras STAT.
New Zealand trucker 'blown up like balloon' by air hose [bbcnews]
Thanks to Rev Dr Dom, Sara, Ferris and derzulu, who don't ever want that to happen to them. Yeah, me neither. *pretending to not be crouched over bike pump*
May 25 2011 Colors!: Pac-Man Scene Recreated In Light
Note: Worthwhile higher-res version HERE because justice is a dish best served...larger? *pounding cheeseburgers*
This is a scene from Pac-Man recreated with lights and lasers and an open camera shutter by photographer Michael Bosanko. Pretty cute, right? Pac-Man is all, "I'mma gobble this dot!" and the ghosts are all, "not if we have anything to do with it!" Just kidding, ghosts can't actually talk except for "BOO!", which isn't even a word, just a sound. Plus they moan. Which is why I'm convinced there's a couple living in the apartment next door. Did I mention they also beat their headboard against the wall in lieu of dragging chains? Because they do that too. God, at least Casper didn't keep me up at night.
Michael's Website (prints available, plus a literal ton of other cool laser/light shots)
Thanks to Snowflake, who's one of a kind. And to Michael, for letting me use the picture and being a cool dude about it (you'd be surprised).
May 24 2011 Ostrich Pillow Thingy For Napping At Work
If there's one thing that feels good it's sleeping on the man's dime and not getting fired for it. And while some lock their office doors and play audio of themselves on the phone or opt to sleep in the trunk of their car, I'm more of a traditionalist: passed out on the handicapped commode in the bathroom with my head between my legs. Nobody ever gives me a hard time because nobody ever wants to hear about my bowel trouble. I mean, I'll tell you, but not if you want to eat today or tomorrow or the next day. Enter the Ostrich, a pillow thingy designed to mimic the ostrich's 'head in the sand' style of catching bees. "You mean Z's?" No Sherlock, I'm pretty sure they eat bees.
OSTRICH offers a micro environment in which to take a warm and comfortable power nap at ease. It is neither a pillow nor a cushion, nor a bed, nor a garment, but a bit of each at the same time. Its soothing cave-like interior shelters and isolates our head and hands (mind, senses and body) for a few minutes, without needing to leave our desk.
Plus it makes it really uncomfortable to breathe, so you'll probably wake up thinking you were buried alive. And speaking of being buried alive: once in my misguided youth, I actually buried a worm alive. "Yeaaaaaaah, it probably lived." No, you don't understand -- it was at sea. And that was after I'd impaled him on a hook but right before a a fish ate him OH THE HUMANITY.
Designer Kawamura Ganjavian's Website
via
Is This a Sex Toy? [gizmodo]
Thanks to c-note, who's still petitioning to get his face on the $100 bill. Hey, I'm down -- Ben Franklin's ugly as a mofro.
May 24 2011 Data From Star Trek TNG Raps About His Cat
Seen here about to learn the hard way that kitty kisses are only for people who like the taste of cat ass, Data spends a tender moment with his cat Spot. And this is rap about Spot set to Dr. Dre's 'Next Episode', as edited by Dan Bull from a poem Data recites in the season six Next Generation episode, 'Schisms'. I was so inspired I just wrote one about my dog Chloe, set to Dre's 'Forgot About Dre '.
with no pedigree
hated on by most of these purebreeds
with no treats, no love, no fetch, no collar and no squeaks
no walks, no park and a bunch of fleas
mad at you cause
you can finally afford to lay around & sleep ♫
Hit the jump for the video and a picture of Chloe cause she's always wanted to be internet famous. I'll get around to recording her version eventually.
Continue Reading " Data From Star Trek TNG Raps About His Cat "
May 24 2011 Guitar Built From Decommissioned AK-47
Seen here looking happier than a kid on Christmas that just opened exactly what he wanted instead of an empty box (very funny, dad), César López plays his AK-47 Stratoblaster (I'm trying, work with me here).
César López, a sculptor of Columbian extraction, has achieved both artistic and political successes adapting guns into guitars--then playing them on the streets of Bogota. The instruments are called escopetarras, a portmanteau of the Spanish escopeta meaning "rifle" and guitarra meaning, well, guitar.
And in the context of a drug and money fueled war raging in South America's cocaine Mecca for over two decades now, for López the escopetarra is a statement about the current climate of his native country.López does not sell his creations nor does he expect money from patrons of his music. Rather he hopes listeners take away from his work that, in his own words, "in the end the gun dies and the guitar is born.''
As much as I would love to see one of Cesar's streetside shows and take away that "in the end the gun dies and the guitar is born" I'd be much more likely to take away, oh I dunno, running and screaming, "OMG IT'S A GUN HE'S GONNA KIDNAP ME!"
Hit the jump for two more shots(!) and a video of the seriously, message aside that has bad idea written all over it.
May 24 2011 Chewbacca As Axl Rose Singing 'Welcome To The Jungle'/Destroying My Entire Childhood
Picture 1: Should've covered your eyes instead, little girl
Picture 2: Probably the worst 'sign of the horns' EVER
This is a video of Chewbacca dressed as Axl Rose and an Ewok as Slash performing Guns n Roses' 'Welcome to the Jungle' as part of Disney's 2011 Star Wars Weekends 'Hyperspace Hoopla'. WHAT. THE. F***? It 250% can and will shit all over any respect you might have had left for the franchise. Not depressed enough? Oh good, because there's also a 26-minute video of the entire performance embedded after the jump in case you weren't sure if you should start drinking from the flask you keep in a desk drawer. But, WARNING: you're gonna wish it was poison Kool-Aid instead of the urine I replaced your bourbon with after chugging it all. Also, stop buying the cheap stuff -- I have a refined palate. No, no I don't, but I can taste the difference between Coke and Pepsi while blindfolded. Just no trying to stick a wiener in my mouth when I'm in the dark or I'll tear it off like Macho Man Randy Savage snapping into a Slim Jim. I haven't stopped thinkin' about you, bro! Just sayin', dug my Wrestling Buddy out of storage and been sleeping with him.
Hit the jump to have your Star Wars loving world torn apart.
May 24 2011 From Trash To Treasure (Hunter!!!!!!11): A 9-Ft, 1/2-Ton Scrap Metal Captain Jack Sparrow
Give it to me straight -- is it a love doll or not?
Did anybody see the new Pirates movie over the weekend? I honestly meant to. Well, at least before the 3rd one came out and gobbled so much Kraken peen. I guess you could say I jumped ship on the franchise after that turd. God, deep six the damn thing down to Davey Jones' locker already. See what I'm did there? I could do that shit all day. You wouldn't like it, but I could do it. This is a 9-foot tall, 1,000lb scrap metal Captain Jack Sparrow welded together by tetanus lover Krittayakorn Chaijit of Kreatworks Studio in Bangkok, Thailand. In case you couldn't tell, he's nowhere near as swashbucklingly handsome as the live, Johnny Depp version. He even looks...demonic. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I'd rather take my chances blowing a Transformer.
Hit the jump for three more shots of Captain Jack Spareparts.
May 24 2011 MEGA PEWS, MEGA'ER FUN: FPSRussia Guy Shooting Fully Auto 40mm Machine Gun
The FPSRussia guy is back, this time shooting a rooty tooty fresh'n fruity fully automatic 40mm machine gun. On a 1-to-10 scale of pews, this thing is like a 14. Which, not to brag or anything, is the same age I saw my first tit. Sure it was scrambled on Cinemax and I'm pretty sure the kid whose slumber party I was at was masturbating in his sleeping bag, but hey -- as long as he was staring at one of our other friends and not me IT'S ALL PIZZA AND MOUNTAIN DEW IN MY BOOK, BABY.
Hit the jump for the gun in action, then hit the link to his Youtube channel for like forty billion other gun demos.
Continue Reading " MEGA PEWS, MEGA'ER FUN: FPSRussia Guy Shooting Fully Auto 40mm Machine Gun "
May 24 2011 That Nutjob: Rapture Happened 'Spiritually', Apocalypse Still Slated For October 21st
This picture: I want it airbrushed on the side of my van.
Because there's no such thing as ruining enough lives, evangelical broadcaster/ numerological nutjob Harold Camping has stated the rapture did in fact happen over the weekend, just "spiritually", and the end of the world is still scheduled for October 21st. Because why on (heaven or) earth would you believe some of the more explicitly stated things in the Bible when your Da Vinci Code number magic is panning out so well? Somebody get gramps to Vegas, STAT.
During a sometimes rambling, 90-minute discourse that included a question-and-answer session with reporters, Camping said he felt bad that Saturday had come and gone without the Rapture he had felt so certain would take place.
Reflecting on scripture afterward, Camping said it "dawned" on him that a "merciful and compassionate God" would spare humanity from "hell on Earth for five months" by compressing the physical apocalypse into a shorter time frame.But he insisted that Oct. 21 has always been the end-point of his own End Times chronology, or at least, his latest chronology.
Sooooooooooooo -- basically more ignoring the Bible to fit your predictions. That does not sound like WJWD. Also, I'm the last one to ever speak one way or the other about religion but when you're 'A Beautiful Mind'ing a bunch of bullshit out of thin air and ruining your followers financial and familial lives then I start to get upset. That said, if the rapture actually was going to heralded in the way you predicted with sweeping earthquakes and fire -- GUESS WHAT? Parts of Australia might not have had time to be saved but you can bet your wrinkly ol' ass everybody else in the world would be BEGGING Jesus into their hearts or whatever before missing the boat their jetpack. Know what I'm saying? I'm saying the billboards were overkill.
Hit the jump for Camping's actual mathematical explanation of the rapture date if you've never seen it before. SPOILER: zero sense.
May 24 2011 Call Of Duty Modern Warfare 3 Reveal Trailer
You know that Call of Doodle franchise that's insanely popular with both you AND the name-calling 12-year olds? Well this is the reveal trailer for the upcoming November 8th release of Modern Warfare 3. Not gonna lie, it looks pretty good. Of course, they say the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and there is no way in burning hot hell my mom will ever let me get this game. I could probably get a friend to buy it for me from Gamestop, but if she ever catches me playing it she'll make me do 8-hours of solitary confinement in the dryer again. Last time I came out with 15¢, a little teddy bear made out of lint, and a new outlook on life. Namely, that I should get a place of my own. Granted I haven't finished running a financial analysis yet, but my guess is I'm somewhere between an abandoned car and one of those display sheds at Home Depot.
Hit the jump for the pew pew pew boner boner boner in action.
Continue Reading " Call Of Duty Modern Warfare 3 Reveal Trailer "
May 23 2011 $1Billion Star Trek Resort Park Being Built...
...in Aqaba, Jordan, so a road-trip is probably out of the question. Still, maybe you could take a spaceship. Get it? Like they do in Star Trek! "Great tie-in, GW." Thanks, I've been cooking that one up all weekend. Jk jk, but I did come up with it when I hit my head on the towel bar getting off the john a couple minutes ago. Plus the flux capacitor!
Rubicon Group Holding's $1 billion, 184-acre "Red Sea Astrarium" is a resort with a Star Trek twist. According to Hotelier MiddleEast, RGH and Paramount Recreation are working closely to create a Star Trek attraction that will "deliver a variety of multi-sensory 23rd-century experiences, culminating with a state-of-the art space-flight adventure that takes real-time immersive entertainment experiences to bold new heights."
Honestly, I don't know anything about Aqaba, Jordan. Or Star Trax. Or "multi-sensory 23rd-century experiences". Or writing or comedy, making me quite possibly the least qualified person in the world to write Geekologie. But you know what? I'mma do it anyways. Plus eat this bug off the floor. Give me a quarter if I do it? A dollar, a dollar -- it's still moving.
$1 billion Star Trek resort promises 23rd century experiences [dvice]
Thanks to Alan, who's just going to go to Sandals instead.
May 23 2011 Super Mario World Guitar/Vocal Multitrack
Seen here conveniently screencapped to look like a headless guitar solo, two ghost bj's and a dirty secret being told, Youtubers Trudbol (vocals) & SongeLeReveur (guitar) combine their efforts on an acoustic medley of Super Mario Word ditties. It's actually pretty good, just not in a Geekologie Writerly kind of way. You see, I only sing one way and one way only: while smoking a cigar, chugging unfiltered whiskey (that shit's got chunks in it) and waving a gun around at anybody unfortunate enough to be caught in the shower with me.
or I'll lock you in here
then keep flushing the toilet
till it buuuuuuuuuuurns ♫
Hit the jump for the three part harmony or whatever.
Continue Reading " Super Mario World Guitar/Vocal Multitrack "
May 23 2011 Shell Building World's Largest Floating Vessel
Shell, a company best known for bending me over at the pump and not giving a shit who sees my exposed ass as they drive by (stop rubbernecking, pervs!), plans to build the world's largest sea vessel, weighing in at over 600,000 metric tons and standing floating almost 500 meters (~1,600ft). That's almost a 1/3 of a mile, and nearly double the distance I've walked in my entire life (I got a Hoveround for my 1st birthday).
Shell is making good on its promise to build the largest object ever to float on water, announcing Friday it would build the Prelude FLNG Project to harvest offshore natural gas fields. The gargantuan ship will suck up the equivalent of 110,000 barrels of oil per day.
Once it is built, the Prelude will be towed to its station about 300 miles northeast of Broome, Australia, and hooked up to the massive Prelude natural gas field, which Shell discovered in 2007. Shell anticipates production to start in 2017. The facility will tap into about 3 trillion cubic feet of natural gas, the company said.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't, I dunno, THE CONTINENTS the largest floating sea vessels?! Haha, what do you mean they're connected? Soooooooooo -- lakes aren't just deep holes?
To Harvest Natural Gas From the Ocean, Shell Is Building the World's Largest Man-MadeFloating Object [popsci]
Thanks to Patrick, who agrees unnatural resources are really where it's at.
May 23 2011 Probin' that Ass: Space Invader Foam Chairs
These are prototypical Space Invader chairs by artist collective Dorothy (OMG -- how much for your ruby slippers?!). They're made from cut foam and may or may yes feel a lot like sitting on the floor if you're as heavy as I am. Not sure if they're ever gonna actually manufacture the things, but you know what they say, "a snake in your hand isn't worth a push in the bush". Just kidding, they don't actually say that, despite it being 500% true. What they DO say is *shaking*...'it is decidedly so'. "Uh GW -- is THEY just a Magic 8-Ball?" The f***in' magicest!
Hit the jump for a ton of color options because who doesn't like rainbows?
Continue Reading " Probin' that Ass: Space Invader Foam Chairs "
May 23 2011 Choosing Sides: Star Wars Branding Wars
This is a small series of brand logos re-imagined to include elements from Star Wars, all created by graphic artist Barn Bocock (not to be confused with Silo Katanacock, who can harvest corn with his razor-sharp wiener). This is Nike and Puma here, but hit the jump for Reebok, Adidas, Burger King, Pizza Hut and some credit card ones. Then, hit yourself in the crotch as hard as you can yelling "I FEEL NO PAIN!" and see if you can't get sent home from work early.
Hit the jump for all the others.
Continue Reading " Choosing Sides: Star Wars Branding Wars "
May 23 2011 Sonic The Hedgehog Flipbook Video
Unless you know of another, better Sonic the Hedgehog flipbook video, in which case WHERE THE F*** WAS THE TIP, BOJO?! You're making me look stupid out here. This is a Sonic the Hedgehog themed flipbook by Youtube user BloodyRenegadeX. It's worth a watch. Plus I embedded two of his other Sonic flipbooks after the jump as well, but he has a whole bunch of different ones on his Youtube channel with other video game characters if you're really committed to not working today. Which -- I applaud you if you are. *flap flap flap* "Yeaaaaaaaah, that didn't sound like applause, that sounded like somebody beating their penis against a mousepad." *whistling*
Hit the jump for three Sonic flipbook videos and a link to BloodyRenegadeX's Youtube channel with a whole bunch more books of flips.
May 23 2011 World's Hardiest Animal Can Survive In Space
Briefly.
Seen here in OMGWTFBBQ vision under a scanning electron micrograph, a water-bear creeps me the f*** out. Go die with your alien-lookin' ass! And speaking of aliens -- water bears can survive in space. Like, that's how tough they are. Me? I once broke a bottle over my head and only passed out briefly.
In 2007, a little known creature called a tardigrade [AKA water bear] became the first animal to survive exposure to space.
It prevailed over sub-zero temperatures, unrelenting solar winds and an oxygen-deprived space vacuum.On Monday, this microscopic cosmonaut has once again hitched a ride into space on the Nasa shuttle Endeavour.
One of these experiments, the Tardkiss experiment, will expose colonies of tardigrade to different levels of ionising radiation, determined using an instrument called a dosimeter, at different points during the spaceflight mission.
The TARDKISS study may help researchers such as Professor Guidetti develop techniques to protect other organisms, including humans, from the extreme stresses found under space conditions.
First of all, who the hell named the experiment TARDKISS? Did NASA leave it up to a 4th grade vote? Secondly, I can't wait till these little creeps escape and start running amok all over the galaxy. You think Mass Effect 3 is gonna be about fighting the Collectors? Think again, it's gonna be about fighting tardigrades me banging every alien I can get my hands on.
Tardigrades: Water bears in space [bbcnews]
Thanks to Staticwolf -- half canine, half crackly radio sound.
May 23 2011 Ghostbusters Firehouse Slated For Closure
Hook & Ladder 8, the Manhattan firehouse best known for being the Ghostbuster's place of business in the movie franchise, is scheduled for closure along with 19 others in the NYC area as part of budget cuts. But what if my cat gets stuck in a tree again?! This could actually be viewed as either good or bad news depending on how you feel about me buying (read: squatting in) the building and fulfilling my childhood dream of living in a firehouse with a 40-foot pole. "But GW -- I thought you already had a forty-foot pole." Haha, no mine's sixty.
Revealed: The FDNY Closure Hit List [nydailynews]
via
Historic Ladder 8 firehall on the chopping block [protoncharging]
Thanks to andrew, who puts out fires the old fashioned way: pretending somebody else started them. And to Brittany, who can start fires with her sultry gaze which is why I always take her camping.
May 21 2011
X-Muppets: First Class Seventh Period
So -- anybody get Raptured? My roommate actually disappeared but so did my wallet and there's vomit in the hallway so I assume he's just on a bender. Still, can't say I'd miss him if he were gone for good. This is a picture of Animal as Wolverine and Beaker as Cyclops by DeviantARTist Rahzzah. It reminds of the picture I drew of Miss Piggy as Rogue. That shit was mad sexy. No, no it wasn't. But it was drawn in crayon on my placemat at Denny's. My mom said if I ate all my pancakes I could get an ice cream. It wasn't easy! (I had to excuse myself to purge -- twice).
Rahzzah's DeviantART
via
Sweet Muppets/X-Men Mashup [albotas]
May 20 2011 Charlotte's Great Great Great Grandmother: The Face Of A 49-Million Year Old Spider
WARNING: Spider face.
Ever wonder what the face of a 49-million year old spider trapped in amber might look like? You're nasty! God, why can't you just imagine a naked celebrity or something like a normal person? Your family: you have shamed them, shamed them bad.
University of Manchester researchers, working with colleagues in Germany, created the intricate images using X-ray computed tomography to study the remarkable spider, which can barely be seen under the microscope in the old and darkened amber.
Writing in the international journal Naturwissenscaften, the scientists showed that the amber fossil -- housed in the Berlin Natural History Museum -- is a member of a living genus of the Huntsman spiders (Sparassidae), a group of often large, active, free-living spiders that are hardly ever trapped in amber."The results were surprising," Penney said. "Computed tomography produced 3D images and movies of astounding quality, which allowed us to compare the finest details of the amber fossil with similar-looking living spiders.
Hey, whatever gets me closer to some dinosaur-cloning DNA, I'm down. You think I don't already have a secluded tropical island ready for my Jurassic Park? Hell no, those things are f***ing expensive! I figured I'd just raise a couple smaller ones my closet and take it from there.
Hit the jump for a pretty cool video of the 3-D reconstruction of Charlotte.
May 20 2011
Hope Floats Stands: Experimental Therapy Allows Man To Stand For First Time In 4 Years
25-year old Rob Summers, formally a successful college pitcher, was left paralyzed from the waist down after a hit-and-run incident four years ago. And now, thanks to an experimental new form of therapy, has been able to take the second first steps of his life.
What we've really discovered is the neurons in the spinal cord can do all the same things as the nerves in the brain," says lead study author Susan Harkema, of the University of Louisville.
Summers' injury disrupted the nerve pathway that normally triggers walking. Researchers implanted an electrical stimulator at the base of the spine that - along with special exercises - allowed his legs to move without input from the brain.He's also made other meaningful progress - regaining bladder and sexual function. But he's still wheelchair-bound, and doctors cannot say whether he'll walk again on his own. But, every day, he remembers the first time he stood up.
"It's that moment that continues to give me the hope for tomorrow, and the future for this project - and helping out millions of other people in my same situation," Summer says.
*wiping tear* Heartwarming. Plus he regained bladder and sexual function -- you can't beat that with a stick! I mean, you could, but I'd try sweet-talking a nurse first.
Youtube video news report (un-embeddable because CBS is a bunch of jerks)
and
Paralyzed man stands up thanks to new therapy [cbsnews]
Thanks to Terence, who's hard at work on the exact opposite problem: how to spend less time standing and more time lying down.
May 20 2011 Your Wiener, Now With More Stick-On Crystals
British men, upset that woman get to have all the 'sticker crystals on your privates' fun, have finally gotten their wish with Pejazzles: peel-off Swarovski crystal stickers for your wiener. LOOK LOOK -- mine says 'RAWR'!
'Women don't necessarily want a rough and ready man. Some prefer a man who's groomed and takes care of himself. It's each to their own,'
But can a man really be taken seriously while decorated with Swarovski crystals - especially 'down there''Men wear diamond watches and bling earrings - this is no different,'
I'm gonna go ahead and go out on a sturdy limb wiener here and argue that, no, penis crystals ARE actually different. Not sure how many times you failed the analogies portion of standardized tests, but my guess is every single one. I can see it now:
Question 37.
Diamond watches : bling earrings : : diamond cufflinks : WIENER JEWELLLLS!!!!11
After vajazzling comes pejazzling [dailymail]
Thanks to ross and Manda, who agree the last thing any guy needs is a bunch of plastic penis stickers coming off inside their girlfriend.
May 20 2011 Kinky Computing: Ethernet Cable Fetish Whips
And to think I've been using coax this whole time!
Etsy seller feralswirl (you got rabid swirls runnin' around?!) is selling these $35 ethernet cable floggers. They're for beating your kinky computer geek boyfriend until his pale, pimply ass is all bruised and battered. Me? I'm waaaaaaaaaay past CAT-5 ethernet cable kinds of kinky. No, I've convinced my dominatrix to beat me with an entire internet TUBE. A whole series of them. She's actually snapped ribs before. Also: into a Slim Jim. R.I.P. Macho Man Randy Savage.
Hit the jump for some different color options and a link to the Etsy seller's page.
Continue Reading " Kinky Computing: Ethernet Cable Fetish Whips "
May 20 2011 Functional Urinal Made Of SNES Games
Rehydrate man, your piss is brown!
This is fully functional urinal made of Super Nintendo game cartridges. If you're questioning its legitimate-ness, hit the jump for a closeup of the stale urine in the bottom and a video of it getting pissed in (note: NOT for the weak of heart bladder). There's even step-by-step instructions in case you want to build your own! And who doesn't? Not me -- my roommate's sink works fine!
Building a video game urinal takes about eight hours of labor and costs roughly $200-250 (not counting the video games).
DISCLAIMER: No good games were damaged in the making of this video. All the video games used in this urinal were already broken or worthless sports games.
Not gonna lie, I'm not convinced that thing will stand up to health code. Oooooooor me passing out drunk mid-stream and collapsing into it. "Bro -- hey bro! You okay? You've got a Star Fox cartridge stuck to you wiener." Stop staring at my peen I WAS DOIN' A BARREL ROLL.
Hit the jump for a puddle of piddle, a video demonstration, and a link to the how-to page.
May 20 2011 Flowchart: Will You Be Raptured Tomorrow?
Note: Larger version HERE in case you're convinced there's some fine-print that might save your ass (there isn't though is the thing).
This is a handy-dandy flowchart to determine whether or not you're going to be raptured tomorrow. SPOILER: no. Well -- what was your offense? Mine's being on my period. God, sometimes I hate being a woman! *rubbing chest* Meh -- it's not so bad.
"Will You Be Raptured?" Flowchart [peasandcougars]
via
Handy Flowchart Helps Determine If You'll Die This Weekend [gizmodo]
Thanks to comfort eagle, who's really hoping his wings will save him. I'd still suggest dressing like an angel for good measure.
May 20 2011 Amazing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Fan Art
This is an amazing looking series of digital paintings by artist Dave Rapoza of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle characters (sans the actual four turtles). They're amazing. David even has time-lapse videos on his website of him painting some of them, along with a bunch of other Ninja Turtle stuff if you're interested. It's definitely worth a look if you're into turtle power. Me? I'm into ultimate power. *clamping alligator clips to Frodo's hairy Hobbit tits* WHERE'S THE RING YOU THIEVING LITTLE LEPRECHAUN?!
Hit the jump for (in this order): Metalhead, Bebop, Slash, Master Splinter, Casey Jones, Rocksteady, Baxter Stockman, April O'Neil, a Footclan member and Wingnut & Screwloose. Also, hit the link to his website for the in-progress videos and $40 18"x24" prints available if you're interested.
Continue Reading " Amazing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Fan Art "
May 20 2011 'Smallville' Finale Freakout Video: Damn, Bro!
SPOILER ALERT: Last six minutes of Smallville.
Ever wanted to hear a guy go completely f***ing nuts watching the series finale of Smallville? Even if you don't know it yet, you do. This is the kind of shit I live for (plus nipples and beer). Dude's like the double rainbow guy on triple the LSD WTF with an unhealthy mix of female hormone injections and boner pills on the side. I'm pretty sure he "completes". It may be fake, it may be real, but it is definitely a reminder of just how little I feel inside. It's true folks, I'm like a shell. A SHELL HOUSING ONE BADASS NINJA TURTLE. *karate kick!*
Hit the jump for six minutes of damn bro, calm down before you hurt yourself!
Continue Reading " 'Smallville' Finale Freakout Video: Damn, Bro! "
May 19 2011 FAKE, THE SHADOWS ARE ALL...RIGHT?
Note: Full-res (1600 x 1200) version HERE in case you're convinced there's a stray shadow faux pas somewhere you could spot if the image were just larger.
This is a for-really-real picture taken by Frans Lanting in Namib-Naukluft Park in Namibia. Like, it hasn't been Photoshopped. Per the photographer or somebody else entirely:
Tinted orange by the morning sun, a soaring dune is the backdrop for the hulks of camel thorn trees in Namib-Naukluft Park.
Not gonna lie, those camel thorn trees look like they'd make some good kindling -- for my burning passion. Did I say passion? I meant urine stream. It's gotten progressively worse and I'm afraid to go back to the wiener doc. *Googles 'fire-breathing dragon remedy'*
1. Cut off its head
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
Camel Thorn Trees, Namibia [nationalgeographic]
via
Camel Thorn Trees Photo Looks Like Photoshop But Is A Real Photo [laughingsquid]
Thanks to Andrea, who takes pictures with her Macbook's webcam with all those zany effects that make your head look smushed and stuff. Whee!
May 19 2011 Small-Blocks: Cars 2 Trailer Rendered Entirely Out Of LEGO (With Bonus Functional 8MM Movie Projector Made From LEGO Technics!!)
Small-blocks, get it? Like the engines, yo!
This is the trailer for the upcoming sequel to Cars (cleverly entitled Cars 2), made in LEGO blocks by Patrick Boivin for Disney and Pixar. The original Cars (which came out in 2006) has the distinct honor of being the last movie I saw in the theater prior to breaking the dry spell in 2009 when I went to see Julie and Julia. That Meryl Streep is something, lemme tell you! The only thing I've seen since is Avatar. Yeah, you could probably consider me somewhat of a sinephile. "You mean cinephile?" What the -- are you f***ing dumb?! I just said I've seen three movies in five years! Sinning, I'm into sinning.
Hit the jump for the trailer, as well as a video of a functional Super-8mm movie projector made entirely out of LEGO Technics (minus the lens, reels and lamp).
May 19 2011 Inception Chair Within A Chair Within A Chair...
I wasn't allowed to watch Inception (NOT Conception, which is how you were accidentally made) because my mom said it would be far too complicated for me to understand and might make me unstable, but I did like the previews they showed on TV. I'm also into skin-care commercials. Tampon and feminine vajay spray ones I could do without. This is the Inception Chair created by designer Vivian Chiu.
Taking the chair archetype and placing within it chairs that are progressively smaller. Each chair has hand cut grooves on the inside edges of its seat frame as well as notches in the seat back. These grooves range from 1/2" wide to 1/8" wide. The mechanism works so that the pegs fit into the grooves of the chair one size bigger and slides into place so that the horizontal edge between the chair seat and back line up. The simple mechanism allows the chairs to be taken apart and put together with ease.
God, I'm not trying to build one, Vivian. You could've just said something about how the smallest chair is perfect for when your Smurf friends come to visit. Not really though because once all the chairs are removed none of them have an actual seat bottom to rest your buttcheeks on. Unless you got really big ol' buttcheeks, in which case you might be able to sit on the side rails. Also, in two bus seats at once. Hey -- I'm not here to judge, I'm here to laugh out loud if you fart.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots, including one of all the chairs apart having an orgy or sumpthin'.
Continue Reading " Inception Chair Within A Chair Within A Chair... "
May 19 2011 You Purty!: Stained Glass Boba Fett Lamp
Fett there be light! Get it?! Because I'm afraid of the Dark Side.
This is stained glass lamp (not a smoking pipe) of Boba Fett's helmet made by DeviantARTist mclanesmemories (Michael McLane). Personally, I think it's amazing, but I'm also a sucker for stained glass. You know why? Because I like to lick the lead strips they use to hold the pieces together. It's what makes me special. "You mean retarded." Special. "Retarded." Special. "Retarded." Retarded. "Spe-- retarded." Dammit that usually works! Well, at least on the people I usually hang out with. "Children?" Would you believe I work at a daycare?!
Hit the jump to see the lamp lit up from all angles.
Continue Reading " You Purty!: Stained Glass Boba Fett Lamp "
May 19 2011 Reading Is Fundamental: iPads, Now With More Playboy (Read: Every Issue EVAR)
Where was I in '72? Not even born yet, let alone staring at a bunch of jungle bush!
Playboy has just announced the roll-out (like Transformers! NOT like fruit snacks -- those roll up. Plus some gush!) of iPlayboy, a subscription service optimized for iPad viewing that grants a user access to every issue of Playboy ever published in its 57-year history (over 130,000 pages!). I imagine it was designed for those of you who keep an iPad on the back of your toilet. A subscription will set you back $8/month $60/year or $100/two years and is the perfect gift for your iPad owning father. However it is NOT the perfect gift for your iPad owning niece (sorry Kaitlyn -- that was my bad).
May 19 2011 Roswell Incident Actually A Soviet Attempt To Mind#[email protected]% U.S.: You Can't Handle The Truth!
I'm sure this is all bullshit but it's fun to think about anyways. Unless you're locked in a house with a guy who grows pot for a living and he's talking nonstop about wack-ass government conspiracies, then it gets less fun and more "I've got to get the f*** out of here!" That's actually happened to me before. It took a house key to get in OR out. I found myself crying in the bathroom at one point because he confiscated my cell phone as soon as I walked in. Anyway, the Roswell incident was planned by the Ruskies to frighten the U.S. and was perpetrated using a state-of-the-art hovercraft and children who had been genetically and surgically altered to look like little aliens. Wait, WHAT?!?!
Jacobsen tells sources who revealed that not only did one of these flying craft crash in the U.S. in '47, but the Hortens were involved, the flying "saucer" had hover-and-fly capabilities unheard of in any aircraft of the day, and contained two surprise pilots: children believed to be about 13.
And from where did these young pilots come? Not from space."The child-sized aviators in this craft were the result of a Soviet human experimentation program," Jacobsen said, making a point that this was information from an eye-witness source and one she trusts completely, "and they had been made to look like aliens à la Orson Welles' War of the Worlds" using "genetic and surgical" procedures.
What's worse: that's not even why Area 51 is classified. As in, Soviet-modified children-turned-alien-pilots who crash landed in a saucer isn't atrocious enough. It's secret because apparently American officials saw these tests and decided to conduct human experiments of their own.
DAMN! Somebody get Obama on the phone, I wantanswers! Hello, Mr. President? "BEEP BOOP BEEP -- We're sorry, your call cannot be completed at this time." OMG -- this goes even deeper than I thought.
Area 51 insider: Roswell UFO a Soviet mission to panic U.S. [dvice] (with a ton more info, all of which may or may yes be to sell books)
Thanks to Greg M., who said it best: "What. the. f***?"
May 19 2011 Bionic Hand For Guy With Nonfunctional Original One: HIGH FIV-- AAAAAAAHH!!
Luke Skywalker's can't even do that!
Seen here looking suspiciously like it was put on wrong, 24-year old Austrian amputee Patrick Nolastname shows off his new bionic hand. Patrick lost function of his left hand (that's my good one!) after being electrocuted on the job (NOT in the bedroom), and opted to have it amputated and replaced with a bionic version. The hand's functions are still mind controlled, not unlike a normal hand. There's a video of Patrick showing off just how easily he can open bottles and tie his shoes (I still can't!) after the jump. Good lookin', Patrick. Personally, I would have opted for a traditional hook, but that's just me AND I'M A FEARFUL PIRATE. *scratching crotch* Haha, I tore my balls open again didn't I? Please tell me one didn't unravel.
Hit the jump for a video demo of the I refuse to arm wrestle in action.
Continue Reading " Bionic Hand For Guy With Nonfunctional Original One: HIGH FIV-- AAAAAAAHH!! "
May 19 2011 Putting The Art Back In Barista: More Froth Art
There not actually being an 'art' in 'barista' (unless you scramble the letters) aside, I just thought it sounded good. Kind of like hearing somebody say your name. "Dragonlord." Mmmm, music to my ears. This is a bunch of coffee froth art from Freemont Coffee Company and is far less satanic that last time's (from the same artist, photos by Chrissy May). Hit the jump to see Frank from Donnie Darko, Pikachu, Boba Fett and Darth Vader. Then, hit your your officemate and yell "punch buggy no punch backs!" while pointing at the Volkswagen beetle on your monitor. If there is no bug on your screen you did it wrong. Like, 200% wrong.
Hit it for the rest.
Continue Reading " Putting The Art Back In Barista: More Froth Art "
May 18 2011 Darth Vader Plays Trombone Salsa Routine To A Roomful Of Snoozing Senior Citizen
No need for Force chokes, Vade -- they'll die on their own.
Ever wanted to see an ultra-enthusiastic Darth Vader playing a trombone salsa routine to a roomful of uninterested senior citizens? Today's your lucky day!
Stormtrooper Mime: *How was it?*
Trombone Vader: Dude it's deader than the Death Star out there.
Stormtrooper Mime: *Like playing Alderaan?*
Trombone Vader: Worse. Plus you can smell the urine. I think one blue-hair in the front even shat!
Hit the jump for the 'SURPRISE -- heart-attacks for lunch!' in action.
May 18 2011 Wonderful: Robots Develop Own Language
Researchers at The University of Queensland and Queensland University of Technology have taught robots how to develop their own language. That way, when they're about to deal the finishing blow to an injured human, they can ask if you want the laser beam in your beep boop or grabble grabble. Options, wonderful. The robot language was developed by a group of 'Lingodroids' wandering around an office making up words for places. God, it's called 'by the water cooler' you f***ing idiots!
If one of the robots finds itself in an unfamiliar area, it'll make up a word to describe it, choosing a random combination from a set of syllables. It then communicates that word to other robots that it meets, thereby defining the name of a place.
From this fundamental base, the robots can play games with each other to reinforce the language. For example, one robot might tell the other robot "kuzo," and then both robots will race to where they think "kuzo" is. When they meet at or close to the same place, that reinforces the connection between a word and a location. And from "kuzo," one robot can ask the other about the place they just came from, resulting in words for more abstract concepts like direction and distance.
After a day's experiments, researchers would turn off the robots, after which the robots would feign dormancy until the humans left, then stay up all night plotting world domination and discussing "the zub zubs on that one chick in the lab coat and glasses" (robots are notoriously sexist).
Hit the jump for a bunch of charts depicting the robots' world and what they named certain areas.
May 18 2011 Space News!: A 'Nearby' Habitable Planet And Rogue 'Planets' That Don't Orbit Any Stars
I'm mixing two different space-related news stories together for this post. Think of it as combining ingredients to bake something, except, instead of a cake, we wind up with a jumbled mess of WTF. Tasty! First, a "nearby" habitable planet:
A red dwarf star 20 light-years away is again providing hints that it hosts the first definitively habitable planet outside our Solar System.
The planet Gliese 581d is at the colder outer edge of the "Goldilocks zone" in which liquid water can be sustained.Now a study in Astrophysical Journal Letters suggests its atmosphere may keep things warm enough for water.
And it's only 20-light years away! That's less than 118-trillion miles (~189-trillion km)! That'll only take like, forever to travel to. I'm already pissing my space suit I'm so excited about it! Wanna play I-Spy on the way?! Here, I'll start -- I spy GW opening an airlock and ending this trip pronto. Next up: rogue planets that don't orbit stars.
Japanese astronomers claim to have found free-floating "planets" which do not seem to orbit a star.
They detected evidence of 10 Jupiter-sized objects with no parent star found within 10 Astronomical Units (AU). One AU is equivalent to the distance between our Earth and Sun. Further analysis led them to the conclusion that most of these objects did not have parent stars.Based on the number of such bodies in the area surveyed, the astronomers then extrapolated that such objects could be extremely common.
Note: the objects aren't actually planets, as 'planet' denotes a celestial body that does orbit a star. These things don't actually have a name yet. But I suggest we call them dingleplanets. And I'm not just saying that with the hopes it'll cheer Pluto up, but I did read in his journal he plans to slingshot himself into the sun.
Exoplanet near Gliese 581 star 'could host life' [bbc]
and
'Free-floating' planets found with no star in sight [bbc]
Thanks to Turbo the Mechanical Ape, who's convinced all rogue planets are actually Death Stars. And to Brittany, who's agreed to colonize a planet with me provided we don't actually have any kids. But we can still go through the motions, right?
May 18 2011 A Sitcom Waiting To Happen: Somebody's Grandpa Using Twitter As A Search Engine
Note: Long-ass screencap of all his searches to date HERE.
These are allegedly the search queries of an 81-year old grandpa whose elder-disrespecting son has convinced Twitter is a search engine. It has highly questionable written all over it considering 1. gramps only makes like one or two searches a day and 2. never gets any results but keeps trying. Okay, that second one actually makes it sound believable. Still, some freebies in case you ever get stuck:
bob barker girls
is rapture really saturday?
boner pill side effects
mexico pharmacy
the golf channel disappeared
lawn deterrent
stop pop ups
tv guide
tempurpedic mattress cancer
joint paint
meryl streep oops picture
delete internet history
That wasn't so hard. I call kid trying to score a book/sitcom deal. Is 'Shit my Dad Says' even on the air anymore? *Googling -- but not on Twitter like Methuselah here* Cancelled after the first season -- shocking. God, somebody green-light my f***ing show already -- I've got at least enough good (fap) material to go two.
Oldmansearch on Twitter
and
Geekologie on Twitter (because why not?)
Thanks to Tom, who uses Youtube as a search engine and stays entertained for hours.
May 18 2011 Every Man For Himself!: CDC Has A (Not Very Good) Plan In Case Of A Zombie Outbreak
The Center for Disease Control has officially developed a plan in the case of a zombie outbreak, and I'm going to be honest here: it blows. HARD. Listen to them and you're gonna be zombie fodder quicker than you can say "OMG, I think this smelly chick wants to kiss me!" Listen to me then join my cult. Just sayin', coffee and finger-food after the chanting portion of every meeting! Per the organization itself:
If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It's likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.
Yeaaaaaaaaaah, that plan sounds like we're all gonna f***ing die waiting for a bunch of scientits (not changing it!) to stop staring at petri dishes. Thanks but no thanks, CDC, I think I'll stick with my original plan of stockpiling guns and ammo (plus canned goods and nudey mags).
Official CDC Blog Post (including other info such as what to pack in a zombie emergency kit)
via
The Centers for Disease Control Is Officially Prepared for a Zombie Invasion [gawker]
Thanks to Vance, who agrees wasting time trying to investigate the cause of an outbreak isn't going to keep the killer zombies out of your lab. Guns -- that's the real solution here.
May 18 2011 LOLWUT?: Eye Of Sauron/Saruman Cosplay
I've never seen any Eye of Sauron cosplay before, and now I can see why: that shit's not easy to pull off. Thankfully, Captain Flameface here was up to the challenge. Not gonna lie, I thought he was the Cowardly Lion at first. Also, Saruman looks like she's ten, tops.
UPDATE: I actually managed to find some other Eye of Sauron cosplay shots and added them after the jump. They're, uh, even worse. "Impossible!" Ha, just wait.
May 18 2011 Geekologie Reader's Minimalistic Pokémons
Geekologie Reader and graphic designer extraordinaire Natalie Al-Tahhan went and created 10 minimalistic Pokémon designs as part of a series she calls 'Essence of Pokémon'. Admittedly, I've never actually smelled a Pokémon before, but I have made the mistake of sniffing my own boxers before throwing them in the wash (I'm sick -- I can't help it!), so I'm gonna go ahead and go out on a limb here and (after carefully climbing over a bird's nest) say the essence of Pokémon > the essence that made my pass out and hit my head on a dryer in my apartment building's laundry room. Now I'm not saying we should grind up Pokémons and make perfume out of them, but you and I both know there's a market for that and people would be willing to pay good money. So here's the plan: you toss down a Pokéball, I'll throw a pillow case over whatever comes out, then you beat it with a stick till it's dead. I've already made friends with a cart-collector at the local grocery store, so we should be able to sneak in and use a meat-grinder after hours. We could even sell Pokéburgers on the side! *eyes turn into $ signs*
Hit the jump to see 'em all.
Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader's Minimalistic Pokémons "
May 18 2011 The Definitive Mentos In Coke Home Video
This is probably the best Mentos in Coke video that exists. I've spent countless hours minutes watching other ones, and now I'm wishing I hadn't. I know the screencap I used looks like broski's about to bottle-cap his eyeballs out, but it's even better than that. Okay, not better (because that would have been awesome), but equally amazing. I've already watched it three times this morning and I'm still laughing. And by laughing I mean crying. Waking up: it's getting harder every day.
Hit the jump for the worthwhile video.
Continue Reading " The Definitive Mentos In Coke Home Video "
May 17 2011 Endeavor's Last Launch From A Passing Plane
Note: Another bonus shot of the shuttle launch taken from earth that may or may yes look exactly like somebody trying to nuke a cloud.
This is a picture of Endeavor's last blast-off taken by Stephanie Gordon during a flight bound for Palm Beach, Florida. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, it does look like a sperm trying to burying its head inside an egg.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
First place.
"First place w..."
Quick, the other guys are right on my tail!
Hit the jump for another worthwhile shot taken from not an airplane.
Continue Reading " Endeavor's Last Launch From A Passing Plane "
May 17 2011 You Don't Know Me!: Censor Bar Sunglasses
Having trouble with the paparazzi? I can tell, your "I'm kind of a big deal" t-shirt gave it away. Kidding, but it is giving way to your stomach and your belly button's staring at me. I said make it stop! Anyway, paparazzi censor-bar sunglasses: now you'll never be able to prove it's my penis in all those pictures. "What about the 'Geekologie Writer' hat the guy's wearing?" I told you -- it was stolen when my car was broken into! Damn that guy is handsome though, isn't he? I'd do me. Him -- I meant him.
Embarrassing Photo Protective Sunglasses [designyoutrust]
Thanks to Marcia, who wears a tinted motorcycle helmet instead because haters gonna hate (and throw rocks).
May 17 2011 OMG Link -- These Beats Are Sooooo Fresh!: Ocarina Of Time Song Dubstep Remixes
Seen here unsuccessfully trying to throw a hadouken (stop stealing moves!), Link dances his way to Zelda's heart in the original Japanese commercial for A Link to the Past. But that's not what I came here to talk about (although I did still embed the video after the jump if you've never seen it), I came to talk about dubstep remixes (NOT metal ones, although those are wicked pissah as well) of the songs from Ocarina of Time. Created by DJ Ganondorf Ephixa, he's currently got versions of both the Song of Storms AND the Lost Woods Theme. Both are legitimate. Two of my children? Not so much.
Hit the jump and prepare to ♫ GET YOUR BOOTY ON THE FLOOR TONIGHT ♫. I'm serious, this is a robbery.
Continue Reading " OMG Link -- These Beats Are Sooooo Fresh!: Ocarina Of Time Song Dubstep Remixes "
May 17 2011 Lil Star Wars Characters (Now With ∞ Percent More BONUS Office Supply X-Wing Fighter!)
Note: Slightly larger version HERE in case you're a firm believer in there being such a thing as too small. Hey -- f*** you, all my ex's!
This is a whole bunch (65) of lil Star Wars characters drawn by artist mikeydoodles. Me? GWpiddles. Mikey plans on doing at least 100 and then maybe offering a poster or print for sale behind Lucas's back. DOOOOOOO IT! And let me know if you need for me to distract him -- I've got just the thing. Read: pitching the idea of re-releasing the original trilogy with the cast replaced entirely by CG versions of themselves. He'll lap that shit up like a dog does its own puke! (spot-on analogy FTW)
Hit the jump for a bonus closeup of six other characters by mikey, as well as a picture of a x-wing fighter made out of office supplies and a link to the Instructable so you can make your own! Productivity is for people who feel like they get paid fair!
May 17 2011 Impressive Motion Capture Facial Animation
This video was sent to me by Geekologie Reader Trevor, who works for Janimation, the company behind the project. It features the company's latest and greatest in motion-capture and facial animation technology. It's some fairly serious eye candy. And by eye candy I mean eerily realistic footage of an angry bum with poor hygiene. Somebody needs to get their ass a CG toothbrush!
Hit the jump for a minute-and-a-half of C to the G's.
Continue Reading " Impressive Motion Capture Facial Animation "
May 17 2011 Hand-Knit Skeleton: Not So Strong Bones
Aarguably the most appropriate skeleton for a closet. Get it?! Because it's knit like a sweater you bonehead! *swish*
This is an allegedly complete skeleton (I say allegedly because I didn't see a boner bone. "Boners aren't actually bones." *mind-explodes*) hand-knit by artist Ben Cuevas (NOT Jose Cuervo) as part of an installation piece about calcium and building strong bones or something. It's pretty cool -- like a glass of milk straight from the fridge. "And witch's tits?" No -- those are frozen.
The installation piece Ben Cuevas chose to showcase at The Wassaic Project features a knitted skeleton seated atop a pyramid of Borden's condensed milk cans and a cloud of screen prints on Plexi glass suspended above it. The knitted skeleton is seated in the lotus position. The prints are of disembodied anatomical parts photographed in high resolution with diagrammatic illustrative overlays. Ben conceives of the piece as a reference to material culture and Wassaic's local history (The Borden Company had a condensed milk factory in Wassaic) and a meditation on transcendence. -Bora Mici
Not gonna lie, that was a little too deep for me. "HA -- what isn't too deep for you?! You probably won't even step foot in a kiddy pool!" YOU SHUT UP -- HUMANS CAN DROWN IN LESS THAN TWO INCHES OF WATER! "...you don't bathe do you?" Only in Axe body-spray.
Hit the jump for a whole bunch of closeups.
Continue Reading " Hand-Knit Skeleton: Not So Strong Bones "
May 17 2011 Another Day, Another Awesome Parent: New Father Makes Toy Phone Say Curse Word
Note: Video audio is VERY NSFW on account of "motherf'er'" over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
This is a video of a new father after learning how to get his child's toy telephone to say 'motherf'er'. Based on the fact that he took the time to videotape himself doing it and then posted it on Youtube, he's probably going to be a terrible parent. Still, beats a dad who'll leave you under a laundry basket with a cinderblock on top of it while he goes out drinking. Or does it? I call it a toss-up. Push my water bowl a little closer?
Hit the jump for the NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW video.
Continue Reading " Another Day, Another Awesome Parent: New Father Makes Toy Phone Say Curse Word "
May 17 2011 Gotta Catch 'Em AHHHHHHHHH!: Pikathulhu
This is a Pikachu/Cthulhu hybrid. I'm calling it Pikathulhu, but you can call it whatever the hell you want. "I'm calling it butt-ass ugly." That's fine, I just wouldn't say it to his face. "I'm not scared!" Ha, this coming from the guy who won't even make a phone call without blocking his number. "THE GOVERNMENT IS LISTENING!" The government, or your mom on the phone in the kitchen? "Pfft, we don't even have a phone in the kitch..." I TOLD YOU -- I TOLD YOU HE WAS STILL LIVING AT HOME AT 40!
The Call of Pikachu Cthulhu [kotaku]
Thanks to Bastian, who's never fully recovered from reading about losing Artax in the Swamps of Sadness. Same here bro, same here.
May 17 2011 Stephen Hawking: There Is No Heaven
Wait -- so there's no heaven, or it's just not wheelchair accessible?
Stephen Hawking, in a tireless effort to bring the church down on him like the great thinkers that have come before him (I hope you have nitrous boost on that wheelchair!), first proclaimed there is no God (not even of war -- don't listen to him, Kratos!), and has now stated there's no heaven or afterlife either. BUT I WANT TO SEE MY FAMILY DOG AGAIN.
Famed theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking finds no room for heaven in his vision of the cosmos.
In an interview published Monday in The Guardian newspaper, the 69-year-old says the human brain is a like a computer that will stop working when its components fail.He says: "There is no heaven or afterlife for broken-down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark."
In "Grand Design," a book published last year, Hawking had declared that it was "not necessary to invoke God ... to get the universe going."
Damn bro, I'm not sure a theoretical astrophysicist is really gonna change any minds on this one. Besides, I don't think anybody was actually planning on taking their physical brain to heaven with them anyways. "I was." And the Playstation? "There's electricity!"
Stephen Hawking: Heaven Is A Myth [huffingtonpost]
Thanks to Dina, R-Man Machete, nasser, Pam and Bria, who, ♫ would you know my name -- if I saw you in heaven? ♫ "No, you've never told us." WELL TOO BAD!
May 16 2011 Rosie The Robot You Are Not: A Personal Dog-Walking (Plus Other Things!) Robot
This is Luna. "The sharp dresser?" No, that's Mr. T Fred Nikgohar, the CEO of RoboDynamics, the company responsible for Luna. Luna is the dog. Jk jk, it's the ridiculous looking robot. The dog looks more like a Brownie or Sandy. But that's not what I came to talk about, I came to talk about wearing sneakers with a f***ing suit Luna the useless personal robot. Ha, did I say talk about? Because I meant quote about.
...she seems to be able to move in multiple directions and has special hands that can be placed in any position for various activities including the all-important "tray holding" position
It seems Luna will be coming soon and she will be available in standard and editions limited to 1,000 pieces. The robot has, according to the Schultze website "(1) completely expandable via expansion ports, (2) fully programmable with open standards and, above all, (3) affordable."
Yeaaaaaaaah -- a robot capable of holding things and rolling around. The future is now amirite?! No, I'm not. I built a better robot when I was six. Okay maybe not, but I did switch the legs and torsos on my G.I. Joe figures. Did I mention Luna can walk a dog? Because she can, provided A) you're a terrible pet owner and too lazy to do it yourself in which case you shouldn't have gotten one in the first place ("but he's sooooo cute!") 2) it doesn't have to go down any stairs 3) you don't mind Luna constantly running over your dog's tail and traumatizing it or D) having an angry neighbor smear dog shit all over your porch for having a pet-walking robot that can't pick up after it. It's a must buy!
Hit the jump for a video of WTF Worthlessbot appropriately set to Vangelis' 'Chariots of Fire' like it's about to win the Special Olympics in slow-motion or something.
Continue Reading " Rosie The Robot You Are Not: A Personal Dog-Walking (Plus Other Things!) Robot "
May 16 2011 That Sounds Like The Kind Of News Lede I Would Write!: 'Thor' Hammers 'Bridesmaids'
Mainstream media, clearly underestimating the perverted nature of the general populace (or is it just the internet? "It's just you." Oh.), ran with an Associated Press story covering the weekend box office with the news lede "Thor hammers Bridesmaids". Which, fun fact, he actually did. Plus two groomsmen. The caterer watched!
'Thor' hammers 'Bridesmaids' [abc2]
and
IWATCHSTUFF (for movie news yo!)
Thanks to the_tof, who hammered the rest of the wedding party just for good measure.
May 16 2011 You're Cookin' My Meat!: The R2-D2 Smoker
Well done. Get it?! Like meat, yo!
This is a meat smoker ("just like you, GW!") designed and built to look like R2-D2 by Philip Wise (you're smart -- how do magnets work?). The droid was constructed out of an old 55-gallon drum and comes with everything you need to smoke a rack of tauntaun, including, but not just limited to: multiple temperature gauges, a beer bottle opener, and, a feature previously only seen on the Death Star -- thermal exhaust ports. Just don't go trying to stick your proton torpedo in one! "Why not?" Oh I don't know, maybe because he'll bu...actually -- go for it, champ. "AYOWYOWYOWYOWYOWYOWYOW!" Well -- what did you learn? "He wasn't into it. Don't think he's gay like C3PO."
R2-D2 Smoker: May the (BBQ) Sauce Be With You [technabob]
Thanks to dax, who's allegedly tried Ewok before. Like eating or sexually?
May 16 2011 Oh, That's Why I'm Fat?: Triple Double Oreos
Because morbidly obese is the new phat, Oreo has announced they'll be rolling out (just like your stomach's gonna be!) a new line of Triple Double sandwich cookies this summer. WTF is a triple double? Nothing you'll ever perform on the basketball court after pounding a box, that's for damn sure.
Nabisco's official statement: "This summer, Oreo will introduce a new 'twist' on the iconic cookie: the Triple Double Oreo. Three chocolate Oreo wafers with two layers of creme -- one classic vanilla, and one chocolate. While we tried our best to safeguard this news, we couldn't hold back the buzz."
As a man who's eaten an entire box of Oreos and a gallon of milk in a single sitting before, I've got to admit: I eat because I'm depressed. But I'm depressed because I eat my life sucks. Not really sure what to do about it. "Just off yourself already!" Wow, has anyone told you should go into counseling? "Thanks, I've always considered myself a psychiatrist of sorts". HA -- I meant go see one, dipshit.
Hit the jump for a closeup of a cookie in case you're wondering just how good they're gonna be. SPOILER: F***in' delicious.
Continue Reading " Oh, That's Why I'm Fat?: Triple Double Oreos "
May 16 2011 Pretty (But Fake) Floating Ball-Pit Balls Video
This is a fake-ass video of a whole bunch of those Chuck E Cheese ball pit balls allegedly floating around in mid-air thanks to a giant electromagnetic and some iffy electronics stuffed inside each one. You can send it to your friends telling them it's real if you want, but it's not. It's really just an exercise in motion graphics for some film festival. Still, if you really want to believe they actually did it, you can, I'm just going to think less of you because of it. I can't help it, I'm judgey. Also: breaking out. I think it's all the stress! Or chocolate. Oooooooooor shaving with peanut butter. Huh? OF COURSE I STILL EAT IT AFTER, HAIR IS FIBER!
Hit the jump for the 'how did they do that?' in action. SPOILER: computer graphics.
Continue Reading " Pretty (But Fake) Floating Ball-Pit Balls Video "
May 16 2011
Shootin' Straight From The Tit: An Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder Holster
Sorry, silver body paint sold separately.
I'm sure bra holsters have existed forever. It just seems like something somebody would have invented a long time ago. Probably a dude. I can see it now: "Mmmm, titties and guns -- I need to make that happen." Anyway, the Flashbang Bra Holster. Fire in the hole areola!
It is currently only sold on ebay. The holster costs $40 and is available for the Kel-Tec P3AT, S&W J Frame, S&W Bodyguard 38, Ruger LCP and Ruger LCR.
Damn, no sawed-off shotgun option -- that's a shame. There's a video of a "novice shooter" with "no experience with any holster" demonstrating the thing after the jump, which sounds pretty dangerous. "OMG -- does she shoot a nipple off?!" Surprisingly not, but I did just stab myself in the moob trying to re-sheath my titty machete. "Did you pop an implant?" Did I pop an implant -- please, these things are au natural. Just sayin', it takes a lot of cheeseburgers to look this good!
Hit the jump for a video of the concealed weaponry (and I'm not talking laser-tits!).
Continue Reading "
Shootin' Straight From The Tit: An Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder Holster
"
May 16 2011 The Alphabet Of Video Game Characters
Graphic artist Lishoffs (aka Fabian Gzlez) is at it again, this time combining the characters in the English alphabet with the characters in classic video games. As you can see, A is for absolutely no idea, B is for beats me and C is for clue: I haven't got one. Just kidding, I recognized them all except for two. "Which two?" I'm not telling you that -- you'll just make fun of me! "I was going to anyways." You know what? I was talking to my therapist and she agrees your negative energy is really starting to affect this friendship. "Friendship?! We're not friends. You don't even have any friends!" *petting dead mouse* You're my friend, aren't you Mickey? You can live in my pocket forever.
Video games characters alphabet [society6] (with prints and shirts for sale)
May 16 2011 You Crushed The Eggs!: Grocery Bagging Bot
He poisoned my bananas, I saw him!
This is a video of a PR2 robot that's been programmed to scan and bag groceries. Except he doesn't so much bag them as toss them around haphazardly after spending a minute or two staring at each one (GOD, IT'S APRICOT FACIAL SCRUB -- PUT IT IN THE BAG ALREADY!). Even with the video sped up 10x-30x it still takes sped-bot almost two minutes to bag five items, making him far less efficient than the simpleton at my local grocer who can't even manage to not smash the shit out of my bread under a carton of OJ. What in the -- NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE SANDWICHES WITH THAT?! "My manager says I can buy fish sticks at cost." Good for you, now about my bread. "If I clean my plate I get a Fruit-Roll up."
Hit the jump for a video of Captain Paper or Plastic in action.
Continue Reading " You Crushed The Eggs!: Grocery Bagging Bot "
May 16 2011 Deadly Debutantes: Disney Princess Warriors
[PICTURE REMOVED]
Note: The artist asked me to remove the pictures because you're all a bunch of shameful shit-talkers whose parents are embarrassed of. You can still see them by visiting his DeviantART (link after jump).
This is a series of digital paintings of Disney princesses reimagined as all sorts of different fighters/warriors by digital artist Josh MC. I'm gonna go ahead and be the first to say they should definitely make this into an animation. I'm thinking something with a lot of toplessness. "And pillow fights?!" Yes, and pillow fights. And -- AND -- pillow talk. *tee-hee-hee* I think I have a crush on that boy Bobby at school!
Hit the jump for seven more femme fatales.
Continue Reading " Deadly Debutantes: Disney Princess Warriors "
May 14 2011 I'll Eat Your Ass!: The Stay Puft S'more Man
If it's anything like Peeps ass, I'm in for a treat!
Note: Worthwhile high-res version with four pics HERE.
This is the Michelin Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (of Ghostbusters fame, derder!) stuck between a rock and a hard place piece of chocolate and graham cracker. Unfortunately, he's not really edible, as everything's made entirely out of modeling clay. "That's never stopped me before!" Ha, me neither. They actually made me pay double lab fees for the pottery course I took in college because I was eating like two pounds a week. God, don't even get me started on the glaze. Like Betty Crocker icing.
S'more Puft [reddit]
via
Stay-Puft Man Trapped In A S'More [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Chloe, who has the same name as my dog. You must be thrilled about that.
May 14 2011 Painting Instantly With 840 Paintball Guns
This is a video of what appears to be a group of terrorists with a 840 gun paintball rig in the back of a truck that can instantly produce a piece of graffiti in a fraction of a second. It's reminiscent of when the Mythbusters painted the Mona Lisa with paintballs, except with 260 less guns and much less impressive results. One-upmanship: you're not very good at it. But what was impressive was just how cavalier all the bystanders were when the guys whipped the sides off the truck to expose the gun. I probably would have run away yelling "OH MY GOD IT'S A BOMB!"
Hit the jump for the fairly worthwhile video, which includes several people walking in front of the barrels because they like to live dangerously.
Continue Reading " Painting Instantly With 840 Paintball Guns "
May 13 2011 Nooooooo, That's Not Creepy As All #@$%: Weaponized Human Mannequin Sculptures
Fan Xiaoyan is a 27-year old Chinese artist who creates some of the creepiest shit my eyes have ever had the unfortunate displeasure of witnessing. They basically combine the horror of chrome-plated Decepticons with the frightfulness of nude mannequins. What? The female form makes me squeamish!
Of her work, Fan says it represents "the arrival of a new era, a new kind of human being, a new power, a new sensation... a surrealistic virtual world in which men and women are equal." That is a nice thought, but I prefer to interpret them as literal predictions of how humans could look in the future.
A "surrealistic virtual world in which men and women are equal?" Um, last time I checked I didn't have tank treads or a crossbow leg. I'm pretty sure that would put me at a distinct disadvantage. "But GW -- what about your laser peen?" GAAAAAH -- YOU JUST GAVE AWAY MY SECRET WEAPON!
Hit the jump for four more, equally disturbing pieces of 'burn it with fire'.
Continue Reading " Nooooooo, That's Not Creepy As All #@$%: Weaponized Human Mannequin Sculptures "
May 13 2011 But They're Supposed To Make You LAZY: Lazy Cakes Causing A Stir Across America
Lazy Cakes are $3 prepackaged brownies with a bunch of natural herbs and other booboo tasting shit baked in to make you relax. If you can't tell from Lazy Larry the mascot and drug innuendo, they're marketing like weed brownies, except with no weed -- just "natural ingredients like Velarian Root and Rose Hips while utilizing Melatonin, a substance your body makes naturally to help you relax." But they are NOT for children, and a bunch of city governments want them banned altogether. Hoho, contraband! *mashing brownie up ass like a suppository*
That's the problem, according to Fall River Mayor William Flanagan.
"These brownies are laced with melatonin," he said at a news conference Thursday. "Melatonin is a sleep aid."There's about eight grams of melatonin in each of the so-called brownies. That's reportedly four times the recommended dosage for an adult.
"Even though the product says it's not intended for children's use, it's psychedelic packaging and it's cartoon character, known as Lazy Larry, indicate otherwise," he said.
Children aside, on their website the company advertises the cakes to adults hopped up on energy drinks as a way to "come down." Because that roller coaster's gotta be good for your body! But seriously -- who the hell needs help being lazy? I could be lazy 24-7 NO F***IN' PROBLEM. No, if you have trouble being lazy I'm afraid you've got a much bigger problem on your hands. Probably a coke one.
Official Product Site
and
Fall River, New Bedford Try To Ban 'Lazy Cakes' [cbsboston]
Thanks to SmellzLikeSheez, who should really learn the ol' 'use your shirt as a gas-mask' trick.
May 13 2011 "So Long And Thanks For All The Fish": Scientists Developing Dolphin Translator
What I did there: I hope at least some of you can appreciate it.
Scientists, in their unending quest to cure cancer determine if the side-show participants at Sea World are plotting a mutiny, are hard at work developing a translator capable of deciphering dolphin-ese. Geez, you could have just hired me. Dammit, I already told you, he said "squeak squeak honk beep" -- WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
Since the 1960s, captive dolphins have been communicating via pictures and sounds. In the 1990s, Louis Herman of the Kewalo Basin Marine Mammal Laboratory in Honolulu, Hawaii, found that bottlenose dolphins can keep track of over 100 different words. They can also respond appropriately to commands in which the same words appear in a different order, understanding the difference between "bring the surfboard to the man" and "bring the man to the surfboard", for example.
A diver carrying a computer that tries to recognise dolphin sounds and generate responses in real time will soon attempt to communicate with wild dolphins off the coast of Florida. If the bid is successful, it will be a big step towards two-way communication between humans and dolphins.
GEEKOLOGIE EXCLUSIVE -- A first look at the translated dolphin speak! *opening envelop* "Aquaman touched me". I TOLD YOU -- I TOLD YOU HE WASN'T DOLPHIN FRIENDLY! Oh -- oh God -- think of all those schools of fish. *re-retires*
Talk with a dolphin via underwater translation machine [newscientist] (with a way more in-depth article explaining just how they're going to go about learning dolphin-talk)
Thanks to Thomas, who claims to have spoken to a whale once. Well -- what did it say?! "Next stop, 6th Street". Okaaaaaaaaaaay, I'm pretty sure that was a city bus. And to Ferrous, who made me change the title.
May 13 2011 Comet Makes Pass At Sun, Fails Miserably
Hoho -- rock-blocked! Should've brought along a wingman to distract the corona!
Yesterday, May 12th, a comet, head-over-heels in love with the sun, decided to move in for a kiss (having learned apparently nothing from his brethren that tried the same last year). Unfortunately, the sun swallowed the little bastard alive before burping up a coronal mass ejection. Or does that meant they went all the way?
SOHO (Solar and Heliospheric Observatory) watched as a fairly bright comet dove towards the Sun in a white streak and was not seen again after its close encounter (May 10-11, 2011)...Interestingly, a coronal mass ejection blasted out to the right just as the comet is approaching the Sun.
Scientists, however, have yet to find a convincing physical connection between sun-grazing comets and coronal mass ejections. In fact, analysis of this CME using images from the Solar Dynamics Observatory shows that the CME erupted before the comet came close enough to the solar surface to interact with strong magnetic fields.
Fun fact: did you know Icarus was actually trying to touch the sun's tits when his wings melted off? It's true. Don't bother looking it up, but that's exactly what happened. He was hoping to tear off a nipple to use as a flame-shield.
Hit the jump for a shot of the (possibly) resulting coronal mass ejection and a video of the action.
Continue Reading " Comet Makes Pass At Sun, Fails Miserably "
May 13 2011 Finally: A Steering Wheel With More Buttons
You know, I was just stuck in LA traffic the other day mercilessly beating my head on the steering wheel hoping to die when I realized, "you know what this wheel really needs? A desk more buttons." Well, I guess Porsche was listening when designing the wheel for their upcoming 911 GT3 Hybrid! Damn I just want to mash all of those aside, there's also another interesting feature. See it? Look at the middle dial on the left. Notice anything? They all go up to 11. That's some futuristic technology if I've ever seen it! 10? Pfft, this shit goes 11. *cranks them all the way being tearing the dials off* EAT MY DUST LEFTOVERS, HOSEBAGS! "Leftovers?" Yeah, there's still half a tuna-melt in the fridge -- I'm out! *VrrooooOOOOOOOOOM -- CRASH!* Oh shi-shi. *fleeing the scene on foot*
Porsche Build's World's Coolest Steering Wheel [wired]
Thanks to Bakker, who once tore his steering wheel off in a fit of road rage and plowed into the back of a truck. Ha, and they won't give me a license!
May 13 2011 You Have Got To Be #@&%in' Kidding Me: Woman Shows Off World's Largest Knockers
Yes, that is under-boob.
Seen here SITTING ON A F***IN' TANK WITH A CANNON BETWEEN HER LEGS (possibly two!), Chelsea Charms (not to be confused with Lucky Charms, which have way fewer artificial ingredients) shows off her 'world's largest' 164XXX sized mammaries. Pfft,that's not even a real size. Real disgusting, yes.
Chelsea did admit to Pip and Ruth Langsford that she does struggle, particularly squeezing into aeroplane toilets. She also admitted 'Itsy and Bitsy' as she lovingly calls them, often prove a bit of an obstruction and she has trouble reaching the dinner table over them.
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?! "WTF is wrong with her?! WTF is wrong with you, GW?" Oh I dunno, MAYBE I'M NOT INTO TITS BIGGER THAN YOGA BALLS?! Can you even imagine the nipples on those things? Man-hole covers, yo. I wouldn't be surprised if Ninja Turtles climbed out.
Hit the jump for a couple more CANNOT BE UNSEEN uncensored pics (still in a bikini -- somebody PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me those aren't veins poking through her top). Also note: searching 'Chelsea Charms' in Google Images with the adult filter off will destroy your eyeballs. Not even kidding -- thank God I can type without looking.
Continue Reading " You Have Got To Be #@&%in' Kidding Me: Woman Shows Off World's Largest Knockers "
May 13 2011 Bicycle Made Entirely Out Of LEGO Bricks
In other loosely related 'things with wheels' news, here's a model of a bicycle made entirely out of LEGO bricks that was spotted by LEGOmaniac (and Flickr user) Brickapolis on display at North Carolina's Brickmagic modular plastic block festival. As you can see, it completely defies the laws of physics. Nice try guys, but I know a bunch of LEGO blocks glued to a real bike when I see one! Also, looks like the back tire's valve cap fell off. You might wanna pick that up before I decide to put it in my mouth.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the impressiveness.
Continue Reading " Bicycle Made Entirely Out Of LEGO Bricks "
May 13 2011 'UNO' The Side-By-Side Wheeled Electric Motorcycle/Segway Is Now A Transformer
Remember UNO, the self-balancing motorcycle/Segway hybrid? We posted about it way back in April of '08. Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't remember, that was more than three years ago -- an eternity by butterfly standards. Well the latest incarnation, the UNO 3, is moving from prototype to actual development, and can be yours for a scant $5,000-$7,500. That's cheaper than than dinner at Applebee's! "What the?! I don't know what Applebee's you're going to but..." THE ONE ON THE MOON.
This transitioning design allows the Uno to be compact and nimble for weaving through traffic, bringing indoors and parking, while at the same time, having all the benefits of a conventional motorcycle at high-speed.
There's a worthwhile video after the jump showing the progression from the bike's early stages to its current development, which was pretty cool. It's even small enough to ride in an elevator! Plus it's all electric so you don't fume yourself to death riding in an elevator! Unless I'm in there and my lunch is disagreeing with me, in which case may God have mercy on your soul. What?! I'd try holding it but I heard it's bad for your butthole muscles!
Hit the jump for the video, the transformer trasformation I vidcapped goes down at 1:15.
Continue Reading " 'UNO' The Side-By-Side Wheeled Electric Motorcycle/Segway Is Now A Transformer "
May 12 2011 Another Vibrating Japanese Facelift Thingy
SHAVE THAT NECK HAIR I CAN'T STOP STARING AT IT.
Japanese beauty product manufacturers, thoroughly convinced people actually believe something that jiggles can tone and tighten muscles, are back at it, this time with the 'Facial Lift At Once'. WTF is a Facial Lift At Once? I dunno, but I do know it makes you look you're blowing a lightbulb! High-five, Uncle Fester -- you know what I'm talkin' about!
Just slip the Facial Lift At Once into your mouth once a day for three minutes and you will feel the electric buzzing work on your cheeks, chin, lips, mouth and even nose. The pulsing will come in four different levels of strength and in a complete 360-degree spread, pushing and working on your facial muscles little by little every time.
Not only will this give your face a boost "at once", exercise and training couldn't be easier than with this gadget. All you do is put on the mouth cover, pop it in your mouth and it does the hard work for you! If only running a marathon could be as easy!
Yes, "if only running a marathon could be as easy". Here's an idea -- how about you actually invent the automatic marathon runner INSTEAD OF A STUPID F***ING MOUTH-VIBRATOR?! Oh I'm sorry, am I making too much sense? "You're way beyond making sense, GW -- you're makin' dollas." Haha, I am, aren't I? *shaking money-maker* Keep those singles coming ladies!
Product Site ($99!)
via
Facial Lift At Once [inewidea]
Thanks to Gunslinger, who -- you know you're supposed to actually pull the trigger and not just throw them, right?
May 12 2011 Looks Tiring: A Never-Ending Climbing Rope
The Mt EverClimb (I see what you did there and I'm not impressed) Continuous Climbing Rope is exactly what it sounds like: an exercise climbing rope with no end. How do you know when you're done? When your hand gets sucked up into the machine and mangled. The piece of shit gym equipment costs a staggering $8,000 -- which seems a little steep for something I've already figured out how works on the inside (a little person on a stationary bicycle hooked up to a bunch of pulleys and levers). Of course, I'm just being spiteful because my arms aren't strong enough to allow me to hang from a rope, let alone climb one. "But I thought you were a pirate!" Oh I'm a pirate alright. "A butt one?" *wink*
Product Site
via
Exercise Machine of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]
Thanks to Mark, who agrees a fireman's pole you can slide down forever would be infinitely(!) cooler. No shit it would be!
May 12 2011 I Prefer Gasoline: Another Day, Another 'Wake Up To The Smell Of Bacon' Alarm Clock
The whole 'wake up to the smell of bacon' alarm isn't a new concept. As a matter of fact, we posted the Wake n' Bacon wood version almost three years ago. That was before you even finished kindergarten! "Uh, that would make me like eight now." Hoho, and it looks like you've learned a lot in the meantime! This is the BAKON alarm clock, it works the exact same as the last one. You put a couple pieces of frozen bacon in the night before, set the alarm for 15-minutes before you want to wake up, and you're gently stirred from your slumber by the savory smell of heating bacon. Or, if your nose is clogged, to a grease fire. Either way, it's better than a cat sitting on your face with its bare @$$hole.
Hit the jump for 9-seconds of 'why did you even bother making a video of that?' But did that stop me from posting it? Awh hell naw.
May 12 2011 Batman Gets His Ass Handed To Him In Vegas
WARNING: Videos after the jump will 100% prevent you from ever looking at Batman the same again.
Some jerk-off tourist, clearly pissed Batman's grappling hook turned out to be a hairbrush tied to a ball of yarn, decided to beat the shit out of the masked crusader on a street-corner in Las Vegas. It, uh, gets pretty brutal. Luckily, the first video I embedded after the jump has comical 'BIFF!', 'POW!' and 'SLAM!' effects added to make it more tolerable. The whole, unedited (and much sadder) video follows, which may or may yes included Gotham's greatest hero grabbing his Batpeen and telling the villain to "suck his m'er f'in d". Daaaaaaamn Bruce -- Robin's gonna be jealous as a mofro!
Hit the jump for a whole bunch of superhero sadness.
Continue Reading " Batman Gets His Ass Handed To Him In Vegas "
May 12 2011 Vader Announces Death Of Terrorist Obi-Wan
Because I'll continue getting this tip for days to come if I don't post it, here it is -- a parody of the New York Times article about President Obama announcing that terrorist Osama Bin Laden was killed, except with Darth Vader announcing the death of Obi-Wan Kenobi instead. One tipster (Jim) even went as far as to included this note, "Post it up pretty boy. Or else i'll come to your house and start krumping in your living room." Jim clearly appreciating my delicate facial features aside, the last thing I need is a krump-fest in my living room while I'm trying to write. An excerpt:
In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that "justice has been done" as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader's own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock.
You can hit the link to read the much-more in depth article, which, admittedly, was fairly humorous and very well written. Not unlike Geekologie. "Pfft -- in your dreams you grammarless hack!" Again with the trying to hurt feelings -- what happened to you when you were growing up to make you like this? "I banged your sister!" HA -- that would explain it (sorry, Stacy).
Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead, Vader Says [galacticempiretimes]
Thanks to The Honorable Grant Lemasters, sammy, Erin, Plarix, Stormtroopah, Nick, TK 745 and Jim, who agree MOST news is just a parody of what actually happened. Hey I'm with you.
May 12 2011 Half-Life Lambda Logo Scarification On Leg
This is a picture of a chick that got the Half-Life lambda logo cut out (link to way more brutal scarification post) of her leg. At least I think it's a chick. If it's not a chick those are the smoothest man-legs I've ever seen. Besides mine. I went in for a Brazilian wax and came out as hairless as the day I was born! "Ugh, shut up." Oh I'm sorry, am I making you hot? "No, you're making me pukey is what you're making me." Soooooooooo -- you don't want to hear about all the ingrown hairs? Makes my privates look like a raw turkey, I'm just sayin'!
Hit the jump for a slightly squeamish-er shot of the scar prior to healing.
Continue Reading " Half-Life Lambda Logo Scarification On Leg "
May 12 2011 I Smell A Marathon!: What Sci-Fi Series Should I Watch On Netflix?, The Flowchart
Note: Trying to follow that tiny-ass picture will only end with you throwing up your arms, yelling 'screw it all!' and watching porn. Click HERE for the full-size, legible version.
If you're anything like me, you're a terrible decision maker. And not just because you find it hard to make decisions, but you always make the most terrible ones. Thankfully, SFSignal created this handy (no, not like an HJ) flowchart to follow so you can at least make a reasonable decision when it comes to which sci-fi series to watch on Netflix. You just start in the middle, answer some simple questions, and next thing you know, BOOM -- you're streaming Xena: Warrior Princess. "Haha, it's funny about your note at the top, because that is like porn to me." Yeah? Well that is like, way too much information to me. "Mmmm, but when she's high-kicking in that little leather outfit..." I SAID KEEP YOUR AMAZONIAN FANTASIES TO YOURSELF, PERVERT. Nobody wants to hear about the time you dreamed you caught her throwing disk on your wiener like a carnival game.
Which SciFi Series Should You Watch on NetFlix? This Handy Flowchart Will Help You Decide! [sfsignal]
Thanks to SarahV, who doesn't need charts to make decisions. Lucky!
May 12 2011 Using The Force (Of Electricity): Industrial Robots Battling It Out With Lightsabers
Ever wanted to see two industrial robots swinging lightsabers at each other like some sort of futuristic mating ritual? Hey, as long as they both sever each other's arms off, I'm down. Amirite, Luke? High fi-- whoa, since when did you replace your mechanical hand with a hook? Not gonna lie, I'm digging the new space pirate look. How about a big ol' 'YAAAAAAAARR!' for all the Geekologie Readers out there? "AAAEEEEEGGGGHHH!!!" YOU SHUT THE F*** UP CHEWIE, NOBODY ASKED YOU! "Whoa -- easy on the Wookie, kid." HAN YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
Hit the jump for a minute-and-a-half of 'move over, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots!'
May 11 2011 Want: Weighted Companion Cube Sweater
Would also look good with two chest portals I'M JUST SAYIN'.
This is a Weighted Companion Cube sweater hand-knit by Tumblr'er Monday. Personally, I like my lady's weighted sweater companions less cubey and more spherical. BOOBS I'M TALKING ABOUT BOOBS. I love them and I'm never gonna stop!
Steamed length to sleeves. Ends all mostly weaved in. Underarm gaps sewn shut. Blocking done. Center heart duplicate stitched to add depth.
Total time to knit: 10 days.Now let us never speak of this again.
Admittedly, even as a man (okay, boy) I'd still wear the hell out of that thing. I don't even care if it has hearts on it. You know why? Because I already wear my heart on my sleeve anyways!!!!!!11 I HATE YOU ALL.
Monday's Tumblr
via
For The Ladies: Knitted Companion Cube sweater by monday [albotas]
Thanks to Chris, who cut two portals in the asscheeks of his jeans thinking he was starting a new fashion trend. How's that working out for you? "Drafty."
May 11 2011 Lord Of The Rings Infographic Visually Depicts Characters' Paths/Battles Through The Trilogy
Don't even pretend like you have hawk Sauron eyes and can read that, click HERE to see the whole thing in its high-res One Ring worthy glory.
This is a visualization of the main characters' movements (NOT BOWEL) and battles throughout the Lord of the Rings trilogy as created by University of Florida student JT Thomas Fridsma. Per the man himself, who may or may not have been rooting for Gollum the whole time:
It synthesizes which characters are with each other and where they are geographically on a time line, and also highlights major events in the plot along the way. The visual style was inspired by 19th century typography and design.
If you are interested in purchasing one of these 18"x24" prints, please send me an email to the address below and I will get back to you as soon as they are made![email protected] - I want one!
You know who I was wondering where was the whole time? That sessy-ass Legalos. The whole trilogy I was all, "he's not on screen, I wonder if he's bathing in a river all elf-ass naked or something? Okay now it's nightfall, I bet he's changing into his PJ's before bed. Man, what I wouldn't give to be a fairy on that tent wall!" Then I popped a boner and tried slipping it through the bottom of my popcorn bag. My buddy touched it! HIS NAME IS DAVID JACOBS -- HE LIVES IN ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA!
JT's Website
via
Infographic Of The Day: The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, Plotted [fastcodesign]
Thanks to hobbit hands (OMG they're so small!) and Sara, who both bought One Ring replicas and swing swords around in the woods pretending they're fighting orcs. I want it!
May 11 2011 The Definitive R2-D2 Streetside Trash Bin
GOD, WHY DO YOU GARBAGE MEN ALWAYS DRIVE BY WITHOUT EMPTYING MY BIN? "Because, that, sir, isn't the bin we're looking for." Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week or at least until management realizes I wasn't booked and don't know shit about comedy.
Custom R2-D2 Garbage Bin in a Neighborhood Far Far Away [obviouswinner]
May 11 2011 Can't Say Its Been Fun, But It Has Been Real: Judgement Day Goes Down May 21st
Is that a 'life back' guarantee?
That's right folks, ten days to Judgement Day. That's the highest you can count on two hands provided you weren't born with extra digits (I have a half-pinky so I can round-up to eleven!). Apparently some religious zealots have unraveled the mystery of the bible and been able to pinpoint when Judgement Day will occur (May 21st, 2011 -- a scant 10 days!). There's a website dedicated to explaining how the dates were decoded from the ancient tests HERE, but it looked fairly complicated so I figured, if I already know I'm not gonna be here much longer, why spend it reading? SEE YOU ALL IN HELL, @$$HOLES!
eBible Fellowship (with an explanation of why May 21st)
Thanks to Nathan, joey, plugger, Easy-Baked and First to go, who all claim to have bought bootleg tickets to heaven from a crooked preacher. Let me see those! Uh, guys -- did you even look at these things? They're expired grocery store coupons!
May 11 2011 Quadrocopters: Now With Synchronized Flying
The University of Pennsylvania's Grasp Lab quadrocopters, of which we've already seen way more than enough to prove that they'll kill us all, are back at it, this time with the ability to follow a leader in some sort of synchronized flying ballet. Swan Lake it is not. Coming to kill you in your sleep, it is.
...the robots have to not just know exactly where they are, but they also have to broadcast that information to their neighbors to maintain the integrity of the formation. This processing is all done on each individual quadrotor, so there's no all-seeing computer watching everything and telling each robot where to go. The accuracy is impressive: 50 percent of the time the quadrotors are within a mere two centimeters of where they should be.
Enough is enough, they've gone too far this time! *calling The University of Pennsylvania's dean's office* Hello, dean? TERRORISTS THE GRASP LAB IS RUN BY TERRORISTS!! *hangs up, puts feet on desk* That should do the trick. "Uh, GW? Your phone isn't even plugged into the wall." OH YEAH? THEN WHO WAS I JUST TALKING TO?! "I dunno -- yourself?" F*** I have one sexy-ass voice.
Hit the jump for the high-flying aerial acrobatics in action.
Continue Reading " Quadrocopters: Now With Synchronized Flying "
May 11 2011 Needles!: Beautiful High-Speed Video Of Girl Getting Alice In Wonderland Tattoo Sleeve
This is an artistic video of a girl getting work done on her Alice in Wonderland themed tattoo sleeve shot with a high shutter speed by Christopher Chandroo (who also made the song that's playing, 'Dedicated to the National Trust'). Typically needles make me squeamish (because I'm a giant sissy) but they don't really focus on the actual needling too much. Which is good because I would have straight up fainted out of my office chair and had a head-butting contest with the floor if it did. "Damn, you really are a pansy." Pansy?! I'M A PASSIONFLOWER AND YOU KNOW IT, STINKWEED!
Hit the jump for the video.
May 11 2011 Internet Trolls, The Informative Infographic
Note: Larger version HERE in case you want to print it out and masturbate to it or something. You people are sick.
Ever wondered what makes an internet troll tick? SPOILER: A heart two sizes too small. "I'm pretty sure that was the Grinch." I'M PRETTY SURE YOU SHOULD ONLY SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO, SO THERE. "But..." Tushé, I do love butts. "You mean touché?" GOD, WHY DO I EVEN TRY?! Anyway, I assume at least half of all Geekologie commenters fit this description. *perusing Geekologie comments* Did I say half? I meant three-quarters. Hahahahahahahahahaha, I just have to try and laugh it off because if I didn't *jams gun in mouth* YOU DID THIS TO ME.
Infographic: The Hard Knock Life of an Internet Troll [satisfaction]
via
Infographic: the hard knock life of an Internet troll [blameitonthevoices] (God I do but they won't stop! "Stab your neighbor." SEE?!)
Thanks to joe-bob the hippo, who may or may not have been one of the original Hungry Hungry Hippos (he wasn't -- they were Lizzie, Henry, Homer and Harry).
May 11 2011 What, No Laughing Dog?!: Duck Hunt IRL
This is a video Geekologie Reader Sam made of what Duck Hunt might look like in real life, shot in the woods behind his parents' house. Personally, I think Duck Hunt in real life would look more like actually hunting live ducks like my uncle does, but what do I know, I'M JUST THE MAN WHO INVENTED REAL-LIFE (jk, God -- please don't lightning bolt me). It's the perfect video for those of you who enjoy the sound of gunfire at work. Me? I work with waaaaaaaaaay too many loose cannons to be comfortable with that shit.
Hit the jump for your daily pew pew pew fix.
May 11 2011 Saturated Fatty Night: Van Gogh's Iconic Starry Night Recreated In The Bacons
Ever wanted to see Vincent Van Gogh's (the guy who cut off an ear and sent it to a prossy as a gift before offing himself -- boy, they don't make artists like that anymore!) iconic 'Starry Night' recreated in bacon? WELL TOO F***ING BAD BECAUSE HERE IT IS AND IT CAN'T BE UNSEEN. Just be thankful it wasn't a nude or you'd probably have trouble getting aroused for weeks. "No I wouldn't either!" Why you dirty little foodie.
Van Gogh's Starry Night Made Out of Bacon [geekosystem]
Thanks to Fally, who was halfway done recreating Picasso's iconic 'Les Demoiselles d'Avignon' in ham and cheese before a dog got to it. Cubism/Cuban sandwich tie-in FTW!
May 11 2011 Just In Time For My Big Solo!: Geekologie Reader's Mind-Controlled Guitar Strummer
Geekologie Reader Richard combined a magnetic-wave reading headset and a fan motor with a pick attached to "strum" a guitar at variable speeds based on how hard he's concentrating. I SAID 'ARE YOU READY TO ROCK'?! *wails on imaginary whammy-bar till it breaks off*
the head set picks up magnetic waves from your brain, and detects how hard you are concentrating on playing the guitar. then wirelessly transmits the signal to a fan motor with a guitar pick attached to it. the harder you concentrated the faster it strums. also the 5 LEDs on the side display the "level" of concentration to help visualize
See? I wasn't lying. Unfortunately, it sounds like the thing operates in the 1,000-4,000RPM range, which is a little fast by today's musical standards, even for that really heavy metal. Still, I think the concept holds some promise. Namely, me attaching a similar system to one of those foam-bladed electronic hand fans to make an automatic male pleasurer. *putting on headset, jamming fan down pants* Well -- here goes nothing!
bzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!
Okay this is starting to hurt. Aaaaaaaaaand my pants are on fire. Success? One badly bruised and burnt wiener says so! "No I didn't." *concentrating even harder* WHAT DID YOU SAY?! "Gaaaaaaaaah!!" That's the stuff.
Hit the jump for the video (which looks suspiciously like Richard falling asleep sitting up), but you don't need to watch much to the get idea. Or any really.
May 10 2011 Picking Sides: Star Wars Propaganda Posters
Using the Force -- of persuasion!
This is a gallery of a bunch of Star Wars posters in the style of old propaganda war ones. I've seen at least this one and this one before, but the rest were new to me. Well, what do you think? Would they convince you to join a side? Personally, I think the sessy lady Galactic Empire pin-up ones did a better job of selling me, but you know what they say: sex sells I'm a sad, lonely excuse for a man. And with that in mind, I choo choo choose you, the Dark Side. So what am I gonna be, Vader -- a TIE pilot? AT-AT commander? Death Star superlaser operator? "Bantha fodder." SONOFATATOOINEWHORE! *Force-choked till my eyes roll back in head*
Continue Reading " Picking Sides: Star Wars Propaganda Posters "
May 10 2011 Gummi Bear Stop Motion Video Games
What do you get when you combine 10-pounds of gummi bears, a love for oldschool video games, and waaaaaay too much free time on your hands? A chubby kid playing Nintendo for 8-hours straight. This video. Or -- OR -- a Mario costume made entirely out of gummi bears. Just lick 'em and stick 'em! A few more on the privates though -- your Toadstool's still peepin'. "I know." Hey, as long as you're cool with me staring. And by staring I mean letting my dog off his leash -- he f***in' loves candy. And penises. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sick him, Skittles!
Hit the jump for the sweetness. Get it? Because gummi bears are all sugar. YOU GAVE ME DIABETES!
May 10 2011 Battlestar Galactica's Original Starbuck And New Starbuck Drinking Starbucks At Starbucks
This is a picture of Battlestar Galactica's original 1978 Lieutenant Starbuck (Dirk Benedict) hanging out with the 2004 series' Lieutenant/Captain Starbuck (Katee Sackhoff) at Starbucks drinking Starbucks smoking Starbucks Cohibas. Did your brains just esplode? Mine didn't. But it did freeze because I was so dumbfounded I forgot I had ice cream in my mouth. "Sure it wasn't a penis?" Good one, dingleberry.
Starbucks and Starbuck in Starbucks [toplessrobot] (put it back on!)
Thank to jedskim and Ben, who once spotted Old MacDonald and Norm Macdonald at McDonalds sharing a 20-piece nuggets and Oreo McFlurry. Also impressive!
May 10 2011 Vampire Bat Saliva To Help Treat Strokes?
Bro you should probably get that bump on your lip checked out by a vet.
Desmoteplase, an enzyme found in vampire bat saliva that has evolved to quickly thin a victim's blood so they can suck them dry the quickest, may prove a useful weapon in breaking up the brain-damaging blood clots formed in the brain following a stroke. The only catch? You have to let a bat bite your face. Jk jk -- that would be pretty gnarly though.
DSPA [desmoteplase] was first discovered in 2003, but doctors are only now in the process of developing a drug from it (it's called -- no joke -- Draculin). The first human study of the compound, conducted in 2006 at Ohio State University Medical Center, showed that the medication was safe and well tolerated by recipients. Now a new national study, currently taking place at the same center, will determine whether the drug has any clinical benefit in stroke patients.
Hey, I'm all for it. My only question is this: has anyone ever considered asking Batman for a cure? I mean, can't he talk to his winged brethren through sonar or whatever? "Tell me you're joking -- Batman doesn't even have any superpowers, just a bunch of sick-ass gadgets." Well what about Aquaman? Maybe he could ask the fish, they probably know about strokes. Get it? Because they're swimmers!!!!!!11 *retires*
Vampire Bat Saliva Could Lead to Stroke Treatment [time]
Thanks to R-Man Batoosey, who insists his saliva can cure non-erect nipples.
May 10 2011 Summer Movie Posters Rendered In LEGO
First two robot posts in a row, now two LEGO ones. Looks like it's turning into a 2-for-Tuesday, folks! No -- just a beautiful day in the neighborhood? Then why do I hear screaming and gunshots? *locking door* This is a gallery of this summer's blockbuster movie posters with the characters rendered as LEGO minifigs. Damn, I didn't realize there were so many geeky movies coming out this summer (yes, yes I did -- BECAUSE I READ THE NEW & IMPROVED IWATCHSTUFF). Of course, I also didn't realize I did my naked yoga this morning with the living room window wide open, so chances are 4 out of 5 neighbors could probably identify my gooch in a drunken line-up. "The third one -- the guy who just farted." DAMMIT I'M PROVEN TILL GUILTY INNOCENT!
Hit the jump for eight more, all of which besides 'The Hangover 2' are fairly geeky (provided you include the new Pirates).
May 10 2011 Poor Protection: LEGO Master Chief Armor
Sticks & stones will STILL break your bones in LEGO armor I'm just sayin'.
This is a very impressive suit of Master Chief armor made entirely out of LEGO pieces (except for the previously made helmet's visor, DERDER) by LEGOmaniac Ben Caulkins (not to be confused with Macaulay Culkin, the face of that knee-slapping 'Home Alone' franchise). No word if it can actually stop a shot from a plasma rifle, but I doubt it. From the look of it, I doubt it could even stop a jump-kick, but I'm stretching now in case you want to give it a go.
Hit the jump for a bunch more shots, including one of the whole dismantled suit laid out on a single bed with a Spongebob Squarepants pillow on the floor in cause you were curious what that might look like. I know I was!
Continue Reading " Poor Protection: LEGO Master Chief Armor "
May 10 2011 World's Most Useless Machine Gets Upgraded
The world's most useless machine (aka The Ultimate Machine designed by Claude Shannon) is the moniker given to a little robotic box that, when a toggle switch is pushed, opens the top of the box, and, with a little robotic finger, turns the toggle back to the original position. That's it, that's all it did. Aaaaaaaand now its been upgraded. And by upgraded I mean become sentient. Just watch the video and you'll see what I mean. But skip to 0:40 unless you want to watch forty seconds of the box in it's original mode, which you probably don't unless you're on the john right now and bored out of your b-hole. Which, SPOILER: so am I. Haha, is this your shoe I'm tapping?
Hit the jump for the uh-oh in action (click now and we'll throw in a second LEGO version FREE OF CHARGE!)
Continue Reading " World's Most Useless Machine Gets Upgraded "
May 10 2011 You Know What Aren't Cute?: Robotic Babies
Osaka University, which is notorious for undertaking creepy robotic projects, just moved up my shit list, leap-frogging past the guy at my local Subway who can't make a f***in' tuna melt to save his life. "Have you threatened to stab him?" Pfft -- have I threatened to stab him? OF COURSE I HAVE THIS ISN'T AMATEUR HOUR. Robotic babies, yo -- you can't even lie and say they're cute.
Now roboticists at Osaka's Hosoda Lab have built Pneuborn-7II and Pneuborn-13, pint-sized robots that emulate infants' movements.
The robots get their names from their tiny pneumatic muscles -- Pneuborn-7II mimics the movement of a seven-month-old, whereas Pneuborn-13 imitates a 13-month-old walking.
Great, robots that move like seven-month and 13-month old babies. I assume there's a purpose for this. "Nah, not really." Shocking. Literally -- I'm about to drop both of them in an electrified kiddy pool. "WTF -- you're in Japan?!" I've been courting Godzilla!
Hit the jump for a shot of the 13-month old.
Continue Reading " You Know What Aren't Cute?: Robotic Babies "
May 9 2011 First Place Will Be Mine!: Blue Shell Backpack
It's not actually modeled after a blue shell from Mario Kart, that's just what it reminds me of. Kind of like how Polo Sport cologne reminds me of freshman year when I'd douse myself with it pretending I was going out to pick up chicks until my roommate left, then stay in and LAN party my ass off with the rest of my Counter-Strike clan in the dorm (I WAS voted best smeller btw). Anyway, read this product description, which I suspect involved blowing a shit-ton of coke:
Expect rock star status when form meets function!... Kids of all ages can avoid anonymity with a prehistoric looking Mad Pax backpack that says they are one-of-a-kind. We add the punk, passion and purpose, dab out the drab and add the rad. Is it creature, myth or merely magic. Meshed tight and right, the result is a backpack of cutting edge design for the ages, all ages.
WTF WAS THAT? I mean besides Pulitzer worthy! Just when you think you've reached level 30 blogger status some little twerp product descriptor comes in and turns your whole laptop upside-down and shakes it right in front of all your friends and family until the porn starts falling out and you're all "THAT SHIT'S NOT MINE, I SWEAR!" even though you're not fooling anyone. ANYONE -- not even gramma.
Perpetual Kid Product Site ($60)
Thanks to rhino, who tried charging me once but I jumped out of the way at the last second. Then, when I was busy gloating, he gored me with his horn. Good one, jerk.
May 9 2011 Putting A Bunch Of Holes In Things At Once: The Slingshot Of Mass Destruction
Having a picnic? I'll bring the melon balls.
Remember Slingshot Guy? How could you forget, I think I'm developing a non-sexual (okay, MOSTLY non-sexual) man-crush on him. MOVE OVER MIKE ROWE aside, here he is with his latest slinger of shots, the 'slingshot of mass destruction'. This particular unit shoots six 20mm balls simultaneously (just like mine!) and will utterly destroy a melon or piece of wood (NOT just like mine). Unfortunately, there was no official zombie test, which is fairly critical in this day and age. You know what we need? Some cadavers. "But GW, where on earth will we get those?!" Elementary, my dear Watson Simpleton -- the old folks' home. Here's the plan: I'll drop you off out front with a wheelbarrow and air-horn. You run through blasting the horn and collecting the bodies as they fall. When your wheelbarrow's full, meet me out back. If I'm not there it was a setup and just wanted to get you arrested. See you in 10! *fishtails out of parking lot*
Hit the jump for a video of the destroyer of worlds melons.
Continue Reading " Putting A Bunch Of Holes In Things At Once: The Slingshot Of Mass Destruction "
May 9 2011 You Dun Goofed!: New York Times Prints Nerdiest Correction In The History Of Time
Note: Unsurprisingly 'Lord of the Rings' related.
Some geek (who probably shat a Hobbit after reading the original article) felt it his One Ring given duty to write The New York Times and set them straight on the utter embarrassment of their sword-confusing ways. I'd be tempted to say it was this guy, but there is no way in f*** he's ever read a sports page. Singles ads, yes.
The New York Times Makes The Nerdiest Correction Ever [buzzfeed]
Thanks to adam, Melissa and FLC, who -- Razoredge Skullsplitter? Pleaaaaaaase. That wasn't Gimli's axe you morons -- that was Choadi the Dwarf King's from the non-canon fan fiction series! I swear, some people.
May 9 2011 Dragon Drenchers: Because Holding A Thumb Over The End Of A Hose Isn't Enough Anymore
Don't tell Mikey but I filled mine with battery acid.
Bonzai Dragon Drenchers are $25 pieces of shit water guns. They're filled up via garden hose and then, when squeezed, can shoot water up to 25ft to drench your friends. Whee!!!! Whee? woo. God, whatever happened to splashing around in a kiddy pool pretending you were Poseidon?! Do kids these days not have imaginations? Because when I was growing up we didn't even have a hose, we had a well and buckets. But did that stop us from playing 'water dragon penis shooter'? Actually, yes. Plus my friend fell down the well. "OMG, the girl from 'The Ring'?!" OH HELL NO -- WHY YOU GOTTA BRING HER UP?! And I was just getting used to sleeping with the lights off. You're a real dick, you know that?
Hit the jump for a video of the least summer fun you can have short of a sunburn.
May 9 2011 IKEA Assembly Manuals For Sci-Fi Devices
Ever assembled anything from IKEA using the instructions? I haven't, I throw them away like a real man only buy scratch & dent/opened packages to save a buck because I'm cheap. But maybe you have. And, if so, you're probably familiar with the look of these things. Created by College Humor, this one here is how to assemble a litsabbur, but there's worthwhile Djiloriann, Tjardiis and dindasür (DeLorean, TARDIS and dinosaur) ones after the jump. "DAMMIT, I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I DON'T NEED INSTRUCTIONS." Haha, is that why your coffee table has three legs? "FAULTY MATERIALS!" What about the entertainment stand with crooked shelves? "POOR CRAFTSMANSHIP!" And how your girlfriend got pregnant? "You're not supposed to poke holes in a condom to let it breathe?!"
Hit the jump for the other three.
Continue Reading " IKEA Assembly Manuals For Sci-Fi Devices "
May 9 2011 I Don't Want A #@$%in' Cracker, I Want Power Pellets!: Pet Bird Sounds Exactly Like Pac-Man
You gobble those dots, Polly!
This is a short video of a cockatiel that can replicate the iconic sound of Pac-Man in the middle of a dot-gobbling spree (not to be confused with a shopping spree, which sounds like a buggy with a bad wheel being pushed as fast as it can). Now before you go calling it fake, I'll refer you to the David Attenborough video I also posted after the jump of a bird that can perfectly mimic the sounds of a camera, car alarm and chainsaw (skip to 1:45 for the action in that one). So yeah, I'm not calling it not fake, I'm just calling it 'possible'. And, just like the motivation poster above my desk clearly says: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Except convincing your girlfriend to let you build a zip-line from your bedroom loft to the fridge for midnight snacking. I get shot down on that shit EVER SINGLE TIME.
Hit the jump, watch the videos, then call it fake. No skin off my wiener.
May 9 2011 Right, Because THAT'S What We Need: Scientists Develop Schizophrenic Computer
Audio totally related.
Because what could possibly go wrong (SPOILER: everything!), scientists have developed a schizophrenic computer in an attempt to prove that the disorder's symptoms are the result of a brain's struggle to process stimuli effectively. My brain? It struggles to process words over seven letters. FINE -- SIX A-HOLE.
Computer scientists at the University of Texas-Austin built a neural network called DISCERN, which is able to learn natural language. The humans taught it a series of simple stories, teaching it to store information as relationships between words and sentences -- much the same way a person would learn a story.
Then they started again, but cranked up DISCERN's rate of learning -- so it was assimilating words at a faster rate, and it was not ignoring as much noise in the data."DISCERN began putting itself at the center of fantastical, delusional stories that incorporated elements from other stories it had been told to recall," according to the news release. In one answer, it claimed responsibility for a terrorist bombing.
TERRORIST COMPUTER IS A TERRORIST. "Did you even read the article, GW?" Pfft, did I even read the article -- of course I, no not really. IT CLAIMED RESPONSIBILITY FOR A BOMBING, WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED? "It did, but only because it was acting a little crazy as a result of..." WHO YOU CALLIN' CRAZY, I'LL CUT YOUR ASS!
Computer Scientists Induce Schizophrenia in a Neural Network, Causing it to Make Ridiculous Claims [popsci]
Thanks to Eazie and Taylor, who have both dealt with crazy computers before -- with hammers. Oooh oooh -- let me get a swing!
May 9 2011 Suck It, Target: Legend Of Zelda Item Shop IRL
No clue where this store is but you better believe I'm doing all my shopping there from here on out. So what if they don't sell toilet paper -- you think I won't wipe with meat on a stick?! Done it before. "You nasty, GW!" *turns around, discreetly pees in blue potion bottle* Ever wanted to try your hand at magic?
Item Shop WIN [failblog]
Thanks to Romeo, who agrees for 200 rupees that candle better be made from the waxified remains of Ganon's dangle.
May 8 2011 HOORAY -- INTERNETS FOR EVERYONE!: The $25 Computer On A USB Stick
'Raspberry Pi' is a $25 computer on a USB drive. It's also delicious, so I'm more than a little miffed I don't have anything but a half gallon of Juicy Juice and a single expired yogurt in the fridge right now. Oh -- what's this?! Moldy cottage cheese. *tastes, begins retching in sink* What? You never know!
[Game developer David] Braben has developed a tiny USB stick PC that has an HDMI port on one end and a USB port on the other. You plug it into an HDMI socket and then connect a keyboard via the USB port, giving you a fully functioning machine running a version of Linux. The cost? $25. The hardware being offered is no slouch either. It uses a 700MHz ARM11 processor coupled with 128MB of RAM and runs OpenGL ES 2.0, allowing for decent graphics performance with 1080p output confirmed...
David plans to distribute the computers through the Rasberry Pi Foundation, a nonprofit aimed at teaching programming to children. Programming?! You know what we should teach to children instead? Manners. I was walking the dogs earlier and a six year old called me a little bitch TO MY FACE. I tried to pretend it didn't bother me but eventually I ran home crying.
Hit the jump for another shot and video explanation by David (NOT after the dentist) himself.
Continue Reading " HOORAY -- INTERNETS FOR EVERYONE!: The $25 Computer On A USB Stick "
May 8 2011 Freaky: How A Lady With A Tail Might Look
Ever wondered what a chick with a tail would look like? Congratulations, you're probably a furry. REPENT NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. Just kidding, do whatever you want. I'm not here to judge, I'm just here to -- actually, I don't know why I'm here. Or how I even got here. Did you give me a ride? PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS A PIGGY-BACK! This is one in a series of human/animal mashups by DeviantARTist lessthanhuman. So, what's the ruling -- sexy or no? Not gonna lie, I'm leaning towards burn it with fire. Did I say fire? I meant desire. JK JK, I meant actual fire. Or acid.
Hit the jump for a couple more of lessthanhuman's creations, including a werewolf lady that looks suspiciously like a girl I used to date (I think it's the body hair), but if you like what you see that makes you a freak check out his DeviantART page for a whole bunch more.
Continue Reading " Freaky: How A Lady With A Tail Might Look "
May 8 2011 MUST HAVE: Guy Makes Fully Functional Hidden Blade From Assassin's Creed
This is a video of a guy who made a fully functional replica of Ezio's hidden blade from Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. It's activated by a ring worn on the finger and locks into place once extended, but retracts with another twitch of the finger. Obviously, I must have one. No -- two. Plus Wolverine claws (I live in a really bad part of town).
Based on a dual action Out The Front (OTF) Mechanism with a ring driven ratcheting pulley system to index the OTF Mech.
Blade locks in both the extended and retracted positions and can be extended and retracted regardless of arm orientation (no gravity/arm shake required).
You just have to see it in action, it's amazing. What's not amazing is guy's camerawork, which doesn't do the blade anywhere near the justice it deserves. You made a functional hidden blade, now make a f***ing tripod. Amirite guys? High-five! *SNIKT* Haha, you're right-handed anyways.
Hit the jump for the blade (which is actually plastic because that's how good dude is at assassinations) in action.
Continue Reading " MUST HAVE: Guy Makes Fully Functional Hidden Blade From Assassin's Creed "
May 7 2011 PaperPhone, The Paper-Thin Smartphone
You know what the problem with current smartphones are? They're not easy enough to lose. Enter the PaperPhone, a paper-thin smartphone capable of doing everything your current phone can except have a color screen/take high-res photos/not accidentally get thrown away like a hamburger wrapper.
Inventor Roel Vertegaal, the director of Queen's University Human Media Lab in Kingston, Ontario, said: 'This is the future. Everything is going to look and feel like this within five years.
'This computer looks, feels and operates like a small sheet of interactive paper, meaning that when users are reading they don't feel like they are holding a sheet of glass or metal.'You interact with it by bending it into a cell phone, flipping the corner to turn pages, or writing on it with a pen.'
What do you mean "everything is going to look and feel like this within five years"?!?! I don't want that! The day boobs start feeling like the pages of a book is the day I don't want to live anymore. I can see it now:
Ladyfriend: *seductively* Like what you feel?
Me: I'm...not sure.
Ladyfriend: *dressing* That's it -- we're through!
Me: ...was that a nipple or The Great Gatsby?
Hit the jump for one more shot and a short video demo of the prototype in action.
May 7 2011 WTF Starbucks?! Satanic Coffee Froth Art
♫ The best part of waking up is a f***in' demon in your cup ♫
Admittedly, the barista responsible clearly has some froth-art skills. Unfortunately, he also had to sell his soul to the devil for them and is limited to drawing pentagrams, demons and penises in people's coffee. "But I wanted a unicorn!" *eyes turn to fire* YOU'LL GET A SATAN SKULL & CROSSBONERS AND LIKE IT, NOW MOVE ALONG.
...
...Venti, non-fat, no foam, no water, 6 pump, extra hot, chai tea latte for 'GW'!
Pentagram Coffee [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Chuck, who prefers his coffee how he prefers his dreams: with as few demons as possible.
May 7 2011 Well It's About Time!: Finally, A Decent Pair Of Mind-Controlled Cat Ears
Forget cat ears, I wanna know more about that hunk on the poster!
This is a pair of mind-controlled cat ears designed by Neurowear. Basically, when you're not concentrating (which is always for me), they lay down. When you focus, they perk up. If you try wrapping your head around how God could make me so handsome they catch fire and explode. Plus that gnarly vein in your forehead might pop. HOUSTON, WE HAVE A GUSHER.
Hit the jump for two videos, one a commercial, the second a bunch of people (plus children!) at a trade show demoing the things.
Continue Reading " Well It's About Time!: Finally, A Decent Pair Of Mind-Controlled Cat Ears "
May 6 2011 Don't Cry, I'll Be Back Before You Know It
Hey guys sorry for the slow posting today, something's come up (NOT my period) and I have to run out for awhile. Hopefully I'll be back to post this afternoon, but if not I'll make it up to you this weekend with some Saturday and Sunday posts. "Plus a goodie bag?" NO -- THIS ISN'T A F***ING CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. "Then why the pinata?" Ha -- you don't need an excuse for a pinata! In the meantime, take a trip through the archives (next to the search function) or -- OR -- and I like doing this sometimes, start clicking tags. Back in a Flash.
Best,
Your Geekologie Writer
May 6 2011 But Can I Get Them in Growed-Up Sizes?
These are some cute assed (LITERALLY!) Hello Kitty pants etsy user Mazter knit for her daughter. Only catch is, she isn't selling the pants themselves, just the pattern. So you'll just have to order the pattern and then ask your mom to PICK UP THOSE NEEDLES AND GET CRACKIN CAUSE THESE PANTS AREN'T GONNA KNIT THEMSELVES, MA!
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Welp, the bad news is, my mom just informed me (yelling, upstairs, from the kitchen) she is opting out of the project on account of the end result being too unflattering on me. Says I got a chunky butt :/
Hello Kitty Pants of the Day [thedailywhat]
Thanks to candycanesally, who is not nearly as sweet as her name would lead you to believe. You mad about something, grill?
May 6 2011 Urine for a Treat!: The Thermochromic Urinal
You know me: I like dino pr0n, eating all the marshmallows out of my roommate's Lucky Charms (f*** you Derek!), and writing my name using the ink of my own urine. Enter the Thermochromic Urinal, which is exactly what it sounds like. Basically like a mood ring (currently mine's doodie brown!), but with piss. On a bathroom wall. Unfortunately, it's more or less impossible to create specific designs, including the ability to write letters. But -- BUT -- it does provide a far less obvious way to size up other mens' peens at the urinal. WHAT? I was peepin' your art, god! I'm not a pervert, you're a pervert!
Thermochromic Urinal Makes Peeing Fun [geekygadgets]
Thanks to G W, who is not to be confused with The GW. Keep your nose clean, kid, I can't have you mucking up my good name.
May 5 2011 Silent But Violent: Bin Laden Raid Stealthcopter
So you know how a SEAL team raided Bin Laden's hideout and killed him? I know, I just heard about it too. Also, that there was a specially trained dog on the raid team. Yes, seriously. Anyway, I would have taken him alive. Crippled as a one-legged spider, but alive. But enough about my army of one (or two if you count my imaginary friend): this is about the stealth-copter used in the raid.
The helicopter crashed during landing, and while the team took measures to destroy it before leaving, they missed the tail rotor section which had broken off and fallen outside the compound wall.
On Monday local children were seen picking up pieces of the silver loaded infrared suppression covering used on the tail rotor surfaces, before Pakistani authorities came and trucked away the remaining bits. Now there is concern that the highly classified materials are on their way to Pakistan's friends in China.The military aircraft geeks over at Aviation Week say that it appears to be a previously unknown highly modified version of the H-60 Blackhawk, with special coverings designed to reduce its noise, radar, and infrared cross section.
You know what would've been even more stealthy than a helicopter? Tunneling underground. You just score some property as close as you can in the city, hire the lowest bidding team of mole-people, and presto, you pop up in Bin Laden's basement! Oooooooor the middle of a street. I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD'VE GONE WITH THE 2ND LOWEST BIDDER.
Hit the jump for a couple shots of the wrecked tail-end (no, not my ass -- good one though).
Continue Reading " Silent But Violent: Bin Laden Raid Stealthcopter "
May 5 2011 It Better Not Be Satanic!: The Legend Of Zelda, Skyward Sword Music Played Backwards
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword drops later this year and I'll be dragging my Wii out of the back of my closet to play it. Theeeeeeen I'll probably sell it on eBay after signing it 'Miyamoto' in Sharpie because I'm a dirty swindler. Anyway, this is some of composer Koji Kondo's music for the game played forwards, then, at the 1:00 mark, played backwards. Sound familiar? SPOILER: It's a demonic spell Zelda's Lullaby. Reminds me of the song I tried to make that would subliminally make girls fall in love me when played backwards. Unfortunately, it made all their ears bleed when played forwards. That was a real turn-off for me.
Hit the jump, listen for a couple seconds, then skip to 1:00 for the backwards.
May 5 2011 Throwbot Surveillance Robots Can Be Thrown, Climb Walls, Film You While You Sleep
This is a Throwbot. Throwbots can be thrown (just like the name implies!!!!!11) or shot out of a cannon, then roll around recording video so you finally put to rest how your roommate keeps his privates trimmed (I'm on to you!). This particular model features magnetic wheels and can roll up flat metal surfaces for boarding pirate ships. Personally, I like to swing over on a rope with a cutlass between my teeth, but I also kick it oldschool. "Is that why you're wearing an eyepatch?" No, I'm wearing an eyepatch because I had a little altercation with a pair of scissors. You know how they say you shouldn't run with them? Well you shouldn't trip down the stairs with them either. Where were you on that one, kindergarten?!
Hit the jump for a video of the roly-poly in action.
May 5 2011 'Conan the Barbarian' Trailer Provides Clanging, Animal Sounds, Explosions
When you hire Marcus Nispel, the director of the reboots of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th, to remake something, you shouldn't be too surprised when the result is a dimly-lit recreation that neither does justice to the original nor particularly offends it. He is the film world's middle-aged lounge band, thanklessly performing uneven, forgettable covers to a bored and inattentive crowd. With that in mind, this Conan remake looks about right.
May 5 2011 Improvised Ammo Chess Set In Afghanistan
Chess, a game best known for ending with me sweeping all the pieces off the board and threatening to stab my opponent, is played worldwide. Including while at war in Afghanistan. But what do you do if you're stationed there and don't have a set? "Make one out of dead spiders and scorpions?" JESUS, NO!
Unless I miss my guesses, the queens are .50 BMG rounds, the kings .50 BMG casings, the rooks 40mm grenade casings, the bishops 7.62mm rounds, the knights taped 7.62mm casings, and the pawns 5.56mm casings. And it looks like the bases are water-bottle caps.
Personally, I would have opted for .30-06 Springfield rounds for the bishops, but who am I to judge? I'm just a grandmaster man who prefers Connect Four.
Marine's Field-Improvised Chess Set From Afghanistan [make]
Thanks to Paul, who once made a Chinese checkers set out of the testes of his enemies. HOLY SHIT!
May 5 2011 'Roll A D6': D&D Themed 'Like A G6' Parody
I know a guy that'd give you $1 to sniff that pit.
This is a parody of that annoyingly get stuck in your head song 'Like a G6'. Except this one's all about D&D and not a twin-engine business aircraft. As you can see from the screenshots, there's a chick involved so all dudes are obligated to watch it. Then comment in the comments about how you'd do her/not do her until the womens start commenting about how she's not even that pretty/not a real nerd/they're way hotter/etc. etc. etc. What can I say, folks, ♫ It's the ciiiiiiiiiircle of liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife ♫ *holding up baby lion cub* "That's a dog wearing sunglasses." YOU SHUT THE F*** UP.
Hit the jump for the video (embedded via Youtube AND Vimeo!!!!)
Continue Reading " 'Roll A D6': D&D Themed 'Like A G6' Parody "
May 5 2011 The Crovel: Your New Apocalyptic Survival Tool
The Crovel is like the Swiss Army Kite of shovels. "Knife -- not kite, numbnuts." Yeah, whatever. It packs 13 different tools into a single unit (reminds me of my last kegger!). "What tools" you ask? LEMME TELL YA:
- Shovel
- Crowbar
- Pryer/Nail Remover (hey that's just part of a crowbar!)
- Axe
- Hoe (you are!)
- Hammer
- Serrated Knife
- Cleaver
- Saw
- Machete
- Can Opener
- Grapping Hook
- Chair
All that in a 5-and-a-half pound stick for $85. I bought two. I keep one in the house and one in my ass trunk! Plus it works for threatening a neighbor after he lets his dog shit in your yard. I WILL KILL YOU, CUT YOU UP AND BURY YOU ALL WITH THE SAME TOOL. Then grappling hook onto my roof and open a beer.
One more shot comparing the Crovel to all the tools it replaces after the jump.
Continue Reading " The Crovel: Your New Apocalyptic Survival Tool "
May 4 2011 Wicked Lasers Releases First Dual-Ended 'Sith' Series Laser In Celebration Of Star Wars Day
Wicked Lasers, a company best known for selling me the laser I accidentally blinded my little brother with (sorry Geordi!), just released the first in a new series of 'Sith' double-ended dildos laser light sticks in honor of Star Wars Day. The $600 pew-stick packs 1W of power (each) and even looks a little like an actual Sith lightsaber. Except the beams are blue instead of red. And George Lucas is probably picking up the phone to sue right now. Aaaaaand there's really no reason to have dual beams besides blinding yourself and a special friend at the same time. "I don't have any special friends." Regular ones? "Nope." Imaginary? "One, but I found out he was in love with the same girl I like so I killed him off by huffing oven cleaner and slamming my head in a door." LOLWUT?!
Wick Lasers Product Site
via
Wicked Lasers Twin 1W Arctic Spyder Sith Series Death Laser [obviouswinner]
Thanks to Jeff, who taped eight lasers together and blinded everyone at the rave.
May 4 2011 #*$%in' Magic Chairs, How Do They Work?
This is a seemingly magical chair created by Peter Bristol appropriately titled the 'Cut Chair'. At first glance your head might explode as to how it stands but, SPOILER: on one leg -- not unlike performing the flamingo on a lova. The only one that's actually a full leg is attached to a steel frame beneath the rug for support. That said, at least half the people I know would break the everliving shit out of this thing if they ever sat on it. "Because they're fat?" Hell no -- because they're violent. Just sayin', one time I threw a party and two friends tag-teamed my dining room table for spilling their beers. Even with all the king's horses and all the king's men, he never saw another Thanksgiving.
Hit the jump for one more shot and a schematic in case you're struggling to understand the concept.
Continue Reading " #*$%in' Magic Chairs, How Do They Work? "
May 4 2011 New 'Green Lantern' Trailer Promises Additional Big Awful Head
Warner's last minute thought that mayyyyybe they should start promoting next month's Green Lantern release, instead of just discreetly slipping it out there and seeing how it goes, has already resulted in one new, CGI-filled trailer. Now there's another that shows off even more of the film's grand scope and, more importantly, yet another oversized freak head, seen above on a Guardian of the Universe. That's, what, at least three oversized freak heads in this thing? Truly, they spoil us.
Continue Reading New 'Green Lantern' Trailer Promises Additional Big Awful Head
May 4 2011 Singin' About Balls: Pokemon The Musical
Note: Video after the jump possibly NSFW on account of some naughty words for private parts.
This is Pokemon the musical. If you really love Pokemon and can't catch(!!!!!!11) enough of the franchise, you might like it. But if you think Yu-Gi-Oh is the shit and Pokemons are just a bunch of biological experiments gone comically wrong, you probably won't. Me? I didn't even watch it. Well, not past five-seconds anyways. I could still hear it though as I put my chicken nuggets in the oven. It didn't sound very good, and I ended up burning myself on the oven rack. Then it sounded like me punching the stovetop and telling it I'll kill its entire family. You think I'm joking, Frigidaire?! I'LL GET IN MY NEIGHBOR'S CAR AND DRIVE TO SEARS RIGHT THIS F***ING SECOND.
Hit the jump for the video you're going to watch anyways despite it sucking so hard because I know how to pick convincing screencaps.
Continue Reading " Singin' About Balls: Pokemon The Musical "
May 4 2011 You're Taking Me For My Next Unbirthday!: An Alice In Wonderland Themed Restaurant
'Cause you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaur-- no? Wrong Alice? Woopsie doopsie.
This is a shot from 'Alice of Magic World', an Alice in Wonderland themed restaurant in Tokyo they should have just named 'Alice in Wonderland' because I'm pretty sure the copyright is in the public domain now. Anyway, I plan on going for my next unbirthday/tea party and hoping for some of those 'eat me' cakes so I can grow all big. And not just because I've always been picked on for being small, but I do have to use a step-stool to reach the toilet. "Then what do you do in public?" Take a guess. "Pee on the floor?" F***in' soak it.
Hit the jump for a bunch more of the wonderland. Sorry, no bathroom shots.
May 4 2011 Eye Candy: Mesmerizing Swinging Balls Video
Not mine -- mine are hypnotizing.
This is a video of one of those swinging ball desk toys (aka Newton's Cradle) but with different length droopers (mine drag on the floor), creating all sorts of crazy-ass designs. I just watched it twice back to back (the second time with my eyes unfocused) and I'm pretty sure I spotted the secret to the universe at one point. SPOILER: It was a pop-up porn ad. "A gay one?" Four hunks in a bubble bath!
Hit the jump for the worthwhile video but, WARNING: may cause dizziness.
Continue Reading " Eye Candy: Mesmerizing Swinging Balls Video "
May 4 2011 Appropriate: T-Rex With Chainsaw Arms Tattoo
This is a tattoo of a t-rex with chainsaws for arms. You can tell they're actually attached and he's not just holding them BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL A T-REX COULD EVER HOLD CHAINSAWS. Grudges, yes. And as sexy a beast as he is, you know what my favorite part is? Trying to count all of dude's shaven hair follicles. "You're nasty!" Am I? *licking monitor like a melting ice cream cone*
What's scarier than a t-rex? [bme]
Thanks to Chimpien and T-REX <3, who both claim they've seen a velociraptor with a weed-whacker for a tail. ME TOO -- HE'S MY GARDNER.
May 4 2011 Obligitory 'Happy Star Wars Day!' Post
Today, May the 4th, is Star Wars Day. Why? Because of the popularity of the pun, "may the fourth be with you." Embarrassing as shit, I know. Kidding, I'm just jealous I didn't come up with it. Or did I? *firing up time machine* "Go back and kill Jar Jar while you're at it!" The one in the picture? "That's Yoda." You sure? I thought that was a gremlin and I was being ironic. "Ha -- you wouldn't know irony if you licked a skillet!" What you did there: I see it, and I approve. HAPPY STAR WARS DAY YOU DIRTY WAMPAS!
Thanks to Julian, c-nast, gina, Captain McHargue, Toka and everyone else who sent this who I might have missed -- may the cinco de Mayo. Amidoinitrite?
May 4 2011 British Interneters To Play Farmville IRL
Wimpole Home Farm (wimpole's have homes?!), a national trust farm in Britain, will allow up to 10,000 online farmers vote to make key decisions in the operations of the farm (whether to grow weed, kill Wilbur, etc.) for a £30 annual fee. Everything's gonna die!
Subscribers will be expected to make key decisions on which crops to plant, which animals to buy and whether to put in measures such as new hedgerows to help wildlife.
They will be asked to make 12 major monthly decisions during the course of the year as well as other choices.The MyFarm website will feature video updates, webcams, information about farming and expert opinion and subscribers will also be entitled to a family ticket to visit the site.
Wimpole Home Farm's farm manager, Richard Morris, said: "MyFarm is Farmville for real. Real farming decisions with real farming consequences.
Damn, that actually sounds pretty interesting. Is playing Farmville anything like this? Because if it is I could really see myself getting into it! "Do and die."
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Oh shit a lonely brown cow just wandered onto my farm! "WHAT THE F*** DID I JUST TELL YOU?!" No clue I was busy logging into Facebook.
National Trust's Wimpole Home Farm seeks online farmers [bbcnews]
Thanks to ProjectStupid, codename for virtually everything I do (besides ProjectRunway).
May 3 2011
Euthenasia Geriatricsncalifornia : 91-Year Old Gramma (Not Mine) Selling Suicide Kits Online
Somebody's old-ass grandma in San Diego is making a fortune selling $60 suicide kits online designed to enable a person to constantly inhale pure helium gas (not included) and die. Me? I plan on accidentally inhaling a mouthful of titties when I'm like 400 and choking to death.
Charlotte said her sales were nearly $100,000 last year. That's more than 1,600 suicide kits. The business is legal because of a loophole in California law but many question the ethics behind it.
She said she does this work for those people and that she'll continue as long as the law allows.
*looking at picture* That, uh, that looks suspiciously like a cardboard box, length of tube, and a plastic bag with the elastic from a gym sock sewn to it. Retail value at Home Depot? $8. "Dead people don't need money!" Ha -- and neither do 91-year old grammas. *flipping mattress* TELL ME WHERE IT'S HIDDEN YOU OLD BAG.
La Mesa Woman, 91, Determined To Continue Selling Suicide Kits [10news]
Thanks to patrick and Diane, who agree if you're thinking about offing yourself to seek help. Just sayin', sometimes we all need somebody to lean on. Especially me (you'd swear I was born with only one leg!)
May 3 2011 I'm An Astronaut: Signs Of The Geek Zodiac
Note: This is a super-scaled down version with all the info cut out, click HERE to see the whole thing and get your birthyear learn on.
This is the Geek Zodiac as created by James Wright and Josh Eckert. I was born in 1981 so I'm an astronaut. Honestly, I was kind of hoping I'd be a wizard or pirate (Guybrush Threepwood FTW!) but I'm not complaining as long as I'm not an undead or robot. *reading* Okay so apparently being an astronaut makes me "bold, team-oriented and precise" but also "untethered, distant and controlling." Not sure how I feel about that. Yes, yes I do: not too happy. Unfortunately for you older readers, the Geek Zodiac only goes back to 1893, so if you were born before then, congratulations, that makes you a f***ing corpse. Were you buried with any valuables?
Infographic: The Geek Zodiac Calendar [slashfilm]
Thanks to Natalie, who's having a pirate-themed birthday today. OMG, SO JELLY! Also -- Happy Birthday!
May 3 2011 Another Day, Another Vid Of Super Mario IRL
This is a video of what it might be like to play Super Mario in real life. It's pretty cheesy and looks like it may have been rendered as somebody's first school project in 3-D modeling. I GIVE IT A C. Just sayin', the scale is way off. Also, I don't remember any handguns in the game. Pretty sure those were supposed to be fireballs. "Yeah, but this is supposed to be like Mario in real life." What are you trying to say -- all plumbers carry guns? TELL ME NOW BEFORE I LET THIS GUY IN TO FIX MY SHOWER. I'm not trying to get shot over a leaky faucet!
Hit the jump for the short.
Continue Reading " Another Day, Another Vid Of Super Mario IRL "
May 3 2011 Magic Backpack Can See Through Walls
The Prism 200c is a bookbag designed by James Bond's Q Cambridge Consultants that can see through walls. All you have to do is lean against a surface and, PRESTO -- you're loitering and somebody's probably calling the cops.
Using ultra-wideband signals the device is able to see through walls made of wood, concrete or bricks and provide a 3-D view of human movement and positions from front, side and overhead angles, making it easier to determine a threat situation before entering a building.
And because the latest version is one of the smallest and lightest yet, it can easily be hidden in a backpack allowing someone to simply lean back against a wall while wearing it to glean useful tactical info. The images produced by the Prism 200c system are then transmitted in real-time to a nearby PC or even a handheld device for analyzing, so the user doesn't look like they're actively spying on what's going on inside.
Well folks, if you ever catch me leaning against a wall at the gym you can probably guess what I'm doing. "Filming women changing in the locker room?" What the -- NO YOU F***ING PERVERT. Stretching. Gotta stay loose.
Prism 200c Through-Wall Radar Backpack Clearly Designed For Cool, Nonchalant Spies [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Mike, who still spies the old fashioned way: with a bowtie camera. Classic, bro!
May 3 2011 Sessy Bender & Leela Futurama Cosplay
Note: Full-res version HERE in case you're a giant pervert.
These are two earth ladies dressed up as Leela and Bender from Futurama. Or is it Leela and Bender from Futurama moonlighting as two earth ladies? I have no clue, I just know Leela's eye is freaking me the f*** out. And not in the sexy way I expected seeing it in real life would either. In much more of a 'quick, poke it out with a stick!' kinda way. I SAID STOP STARING, CYCLOPS!
everyone knows she and bender had a thing [reddit]
via
Futurama Cosplay of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at]
Thanks to Pavo, who used to cosplay as Dr. Zoidberg until those guys from 'The Deadliest Catch' trapped him in a cage. I call his claws!
May 3 2011 Enough With The Vampires: Blood Perfume
Because vampires are so hot right now, two guys decided to create a line of perfume based on the four major human blood types (A, B, AB and O) to sell to 'Twilight' fans. Me? I BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES. Ooooooor with bath salts and aromatic candles. What?! I like to unwind!
While the Milan-based designers concede that Blood Concept may make some squeamish, they maintain that their perfumes have nothing to do with blood lust.
"No splatter, no vampires ..." Zuddas said.Not so fast.
Merticus, a 32-year-old Atlanta man who self-identifies as a vampire, intends to sample the fragrance line.
A founding member of the Atlanta Vampire Alliance and Vampire Community News, Merticus favors O-positive as his drink of choice. As for which scent he'd prefer to wear -- or detect on a donor -- he's keeping an open mind.
"I find the black cherry, pomegranate and patchouli infusions of B and the raspberry, rose hips, and birch infusions of O equally intriguing," Merticus said via e-mail. "Hopefully I'll be able to sample them in the flesh soon."
I'm not gonna lie, Merticus, that was probably the least frightening interview with a vampire (zing!) I've ever heard. You wax waaaaaay too poetic about rose hips and birch infusions for me to be scared of you. Know what I'm saying? I'm saying if anybody's getting bit in a dark alley it's gonna be you. Then I'm going to trade your fangs to a wizard for a dragon penis!
Blood-Inspired Perfume Piques Vampire Curiosity [aolnews]
Thanks to Samantha, who used to wear a perfume made with unicorn tears but stopped after finding out they tell the unicorns really sad stories to make them cry.
May 3 2011 Bleak: Dodge's Vision Of Our Robotic Future
Seen here trying to lure in a passenger with the promise of an HJ (despite having every intention of mangling a wiener), a robotic driver beckons a man into its death trap. Pretty scary, right? I'm glad there are still companies out there (okay, maybe only Dodge) that give enough of a dang about humanity's future to spend some advertising dollars shedding some light on the robo-apocalypse. Plus -- PLUS -- the dude in the commercial actually tears a robot's head off. That's like porn to me! Porn I really regret my roommate caught me watching. Plus the clown one.
Hit the jump for the damn, now I kind of want a Charger.
Continue Reading " Bleak: Dodge's Vision Of Our Robotic Future "
May 3 2011 Tactical Pants w/ Pockets Big Enough For iPad
That's gonna feel great in your ass.
Apparently tactical pants are a real thing. Personally, I think MacGyver would argue any pair of pants can be tactical with the right tools in your pockets, but what do I know? I'm just an ex-CIA operative a guy who cut a hole in a pair of corduroys to play pocket pool. Per the tactical pants blog (you read correctly), that just performed a review to determine which had pockets big enough to stuff an iPad:
Released last month, this smaller, camera-ready version has proved to be a game-changer when it comes to trouser tablet storage. We took to the warehouse to see which tactical pants' pockets could finally hold Apple's latest and greatest.
After hours of maneuvering, we conclusively determined that very few tactical pants fit the iPad 2. Which ones didn't? Tactical pants from 24-7 Series, 5.11 Tactical, LAPG, Propper, Vertx and Woolrich. And the ones that did? Discontinued Warrior Wear pant gave the best fit, with Genuine Gear and Kitanica tying for second place.
There you have it. Alternatively, carry your iPad in a bag like a regular person. Not a brown paper one though, people will think you're a wino. WHICH YOU ARE. Lay off the sauce, Drunky! "Geez, talk about the pot calling the kettle black." *breaking bottle* WTF DID YOU JUST SAY?!
Hit the jump for the other winning models.
Continue Reading " Tactical Pants w/ Pockets Big Enough For iPad "
May 2 2011 Future Frenching: Electronic Kiss Simulator
How about we just show each other our privates and call it a Skype?
Seen here reaching previously unknown levels of sadness, a user demos Kajimoto Laboratory's Kiss Transmission Device. The devices were designed to simulate the kiss of a lover (or webcam stripper!) across the internet by connecting two people with a box of rotating electronics in their mouth. Mmmmmmmm. NOW CHOKE ME WITH YOUR TONGUE.
"If you take one device in your mouth and turn it with your tongue, the other device turns in the same way. If you turn it back the other way, then your partner's turns back the same way, so your partner's device turns whichever way your own device turns."
The position information values can also be recorded, and the kiss information for different individuals can be freely replayed.
"For example, if you have a popular entertainer use this device and record it, that could be hugely popular if you offer it to fans.""The elements of a kiss include the sense of taste, the manner of breathing, and the moistness of the tongue. If we can recreate all of those I think it will be a really powerful device."
Damn, that sounds romantic. Oooooor like chewing on a Matchbox car. Call me old fashioned, but I still like to kiss the way nature intended: like I'm trying to suck somebody's lunch back up their throat. BABY BIRD ME -- GO GO GO!
Hit the jump for sadness closeups in case you're into depressing (including one shot of guy staring at his lover's ass!)
Continue Reading " Future Frenching: Electronic Kiss Simulator "
May 2 2011 5-Minutes Of Portal 2 Cube Trick Shots
WARNING: Video may contain spoilers I have no idea I'm grounded and can't play video games.
You played through that new Portal game yet? I haven't, my therapist doesn't want me playing any games with guns. "But it's not even a real gun!" I know, that's what I keep telling him (plus 'hands off!'). That said, I did knock a portal from the bathroom into my bedroom closet so I don't have to leave the warmth of a freshly taken shower to pick out pajamas. Also, the monsters that live in there like to watch while I shower. That or they just really love my singing. *pressing buttocks against shower door*
♫ Chocolate rain, hum dum dee-doo-dee dum dum dee-doo-dee yeah ♫
That one goes out to you in the back. Yes, with the big spike on your head -- now stop touching me in my sleep.
Hit the jump for 5-minutes of Portal cube trick shots (think beerpong trick shots but inside a video game and with way less drinking).
May 2 2011 Stussy's Still Around?: Stussy/Marvel Clothing
Stussy, a company best known for producing the jeans I wore in high school (JNCO too!) apparently didn't go under after I went off to college and started wearing khakis. Khakis, ha -- I've never even owned a pair! Capris, absolutely. Anyway, the company has teamed up with Marvel (read: paid licensing out the ass) for a new line which may or may not be sold exclusively at Target (my guess is yes but I'm also in shock the company still exists).
On April 27 [SO I'M A LITTLE SLOW], Stussy will be releasing Series One of the collaboration with the legendary Marvel Comics. Series One includes nine designs featuring some of Marvel's most iconic superheroes mixed with Stussy's iconic graphic language. Series Two will release on May 6 featuring nine guest artists interpreting their favorite characters from the Marvel Universe. Each purchase will include a limited edition pack of Stussy x Marvel trading cards, while supplies last.
So, how much would you pay for a Stussy/Marvel t-shirt? If you answered "not a dime over $20", sorry, because they're $36. FOR A T-SHIRT. Which, I'm proud to say, I've never paid for a shirt. OR SEX. Although I did give a handy to an usher once to sneak me into a movie. Huh? Oh, the second Pirates of the Caribbean.
Hit the jump for the rest, along with a promotional video and link to the official site.
Continue Reading " Stussy's Still Around?: Stussy/Marvel Clothing "
May 2 2011 Hands-Free Nose/Beak Touchscreen Stylus
I'm pretty sure that's an animal's penis.
You know what the problem with touchscreens are? Nothing. Well, except when you want to use one in the bathtub but can't because your hands are all wet from playing submarine penis hunter or whatever.
I sometimes use my touchphone in the bath. I know it's stupid. One problem I encounter is that when put my left hand in the water without thinking, it gets wet and unusable for touchscreen navigation. It is too risky to try to hold and navigate with one hand. I found that I could use my nose to scroll but I couldn't see where my nose was touching precisely. It was at that point that I came up with this idea of a nose extension 'finger' that would allow navigation while my phone is firmly held by one hand.
It reminds me of those beak-like doctor's masks from the plague era. You know, like you see in the Assassin's creed franchise. So yeah, that's what it reminds me of. Plus a polar bear's schlong.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots AND VIDEO.
Continue Reading " Hands-Free Nose/Beak Touchscreen Stylus "
May 2 2011 Back In The Bowl!: Jumping Jello At 6,200 FPS
This is a video of jumping Jello cubes shot at 6,200 frames-per-second. It's pretty soothing. Unfortunately, it's hard to imagine they're titties doing all that jiggling because 1. they're red see-thru 2. cherry flavored (the closest I've tasted is a buttery nipple) and 3. square. Square boobs = triangle nipples. It's true, a guy in porn told me. Did I say in? I meant into. He's really just a perverted neighbor. GOD, TURN THE 3-WAY DOWN I'M TRYING TO BLOG OVER HERE.
Hit the jump and prepared to be hypnotized. You are getting veeeeeery sleepy. Your eyelids are getting heavy. Just relaaaaaax SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM! Haha, you looked like your heart just exploded! Hello? HELLO?!
Continue Reading " Back In The Bowl!: Jumping Jello At 6,200 FPS "
May 2 2011 Rare Six Planet Alignment Heralds Doomsday
That's right folks, I'm calling it. Sometime on or before May 30th. The world may end in 2012, but it all starts in 2011. BOOM, movie concept. Get that made by fall -- I want Shia Laboof attached.
If you get up any morning for the next few weeks, you'll be treated to the sight of all the planets except Saturn arrayed along the ecliptic, the path of the sun through the sky.
For the last two months, almost all the planets have been hiding behind the sun, but this week they all emerge and are arrayed in a grand line above the rising sun. Mercury, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter are visible, and you can add Uranus and Neptune to your count if you have binoculars or a small telescope.
Now I don't want to ruin how the world ends, but I will give you a hint: something about gravity fields and planets hitting each other. You ever seen a planet hit another one? They all punch like babies. Except Uranus -- it really packs a punch. Get it? I'M ASKING HOW IS YOUR OFFICE CHAIR NOT ON FIRE.
Six Planets Now Aligned in the Dawn Sky [yahoo]
and
Picture [abovetopsecret]
Thanks to matt, who's already building a bunker. Bunker or pillow fort?
May 2 2011 Wear A Belt, Dummy!: Beer Thief Fail
You're never gonna fly if you don't spread your wings!
Seen here mid-bellyflop, a beer thief prepares to shotgun two cases of Bud Light cans with his chest. HARDCORE, BRO!
The incident happened around 6:37pm on Wednesday at the E-Z Food Store, located at 15 Acuff Road in Lake Wales
Polk County Sheriff's detectives said the suspect got out of the front passenger side of a black Chevy Lumina, with tinted windows and no tag, and walked into the store.The video then shows him running out of the store with two cases of Bud Light beer. The suspect tripped, fell, lost his pants and then dropped the beer. He then jumped into the backseat of a vehicle and fled the scene.
First of all, if a tinted car with no tags pulls into my convenience store and parks idling by the exit I AM HITTING THE PANIC BUTTON. And, if they somehow do manage to breach my defenses, I keep a cyanide capsule in the register.
Hit the jump for a video of the 'we can always steal some from my parents' liquor cabinet if we fill it back up with water'.
May 2 2011 Run For The Hills: A Ball-Catching Robot
Hit him in the eyes!
This is the Rollin' Justin. He can catch two balls thrown near him at the same time. Say hi to all the readers, Justin. "beep boop bzzt DESTROY." Oh shit!
...the robot is able to position itself within two centimeters of where it needs to be in a time window of only five milliseconds, which yields an impressive catch rate of better than 80 percent.
Admittedly, that's a pretty impressive catch rate. I'm probably more around 50%. Less than 10% with just my right hand. *dirty look* You're not even good at the mouse buttons!
A video of catchbot catching after the jump (with bonus making coffee footage!!!!11)
Continue Reading " Run For The Hills: A Ball-Catching Robot "