Mar 17 2011What We've Learned From Zombie Movies


I learned they make it harder for me to sleep at night.

Note: Slightly larger version HERE but you still won't be able to read the ultra-fine print.

This is an infographic summarizing the weaponry used in some of the most well-known zombie movies of the past few decades. Based on what I've been able to gather, my anti-undead armory will consist of the following:

1. Distance: assault rifle (with at least thirty backpacks of ammo scattered across the city)
2. Close range: a broomstick with a knife taped to the end (I really should have looked into how much assault rifles cost before committing to the purchase)
3. Preventative: fireworks left over from the 4th of July (zombies are notoriously stupid so I'm hoping they'll mistake them for dynamite and keep their distance)
4. Melee: chain-mail gloves (I've never actually beat a head in before but one time when I was shaking my wiener dry at a urinal it touched the side so I at least have some experience. Also: a growth. 'Bubba Ho-tep' reference -- count it)

So -- WHO'S COMING WITH ME?! Anybody? Oh you think you're soooooo much better prepared than I am. FINE. Did I mention I also have a tank? TOO LATE! I just found out how many true friends I have, and that number is ZERO. I don't eve know if I want to survive a zombie apocalypse anymore! *watching for a reaction* REALLY -- NOBODY'S EVEN GONNA TRY TO TALK ME DOWN?!

Mitchell Hatch's Behance
Yet Another Zombie Infographic [nethernoir]

Thanks to Melissa, who agrees the best zombie defense is a strong rocketship.

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Reader Comments

what no rocket launcher? i use it all the time!!!!!

Well it's no Zombie Survival Guide, but hits a few points summarily.

@1 get real the ammo is so expensive and not that easy to come by. plus i heard 'rocket-jumping' doesnt work in real life. itll actually kill you.

I don't think I would bother with an assault rifle. A good machete, a baseball bat, a 12 gauge, and a decent caliber revolver. All reliable and effective weapons.

What?! no Resident Evil??? I admit the last three weren't so good but RE1 is the best executed zombie story ever!! I believed it could happen when suddenly Avon came up with that weird serum that looked like the T-Virus. I was like, "OMFG! Stop being so obsessed with beauty ppl!!! We'll all be Zombies!!!

@2 - That Zombie Survival 'Guide' is rubbish. You realize if perchance that there ever were an apocalypse that the people who follow that guide will be just as dead as the others? Seriously, it's speculative crap that wastes the readers time with constant blabbering on about the most common cases... always the most common cases. A guide, a good one will outline the unexpected just as much as the expected. The one scenario mentality in that guide will leave you amongst the walking dead.

Seriously... find another source of information.

my gloved fists are all i need

I'll join with u and survive the zombie apocalypse... jus sayin
my weapons/tool choices:
1. M16 or M4 assualt rifle, whatever i can loot from the dead military, or from an army surplus store.
2.12 gauge, sawn-off to maximize spread.
3. 9mm handgun, its light, and ammo is easy to find.
4. sword/axe, always gotta have a melee.
5, scavanged cars, easy transportation.
6. loot houses/businesses for food/shelter.
7. last round, always keep a final round for urself.

I'm glad "I am Legend" did not appear on that list. I'm tired of people calling it a zombie movie.

I will gladly join GW and #8 when the brains start hitting the fan

If animals are immune to the infection I'd get an Elephant... Too high for zombies to get ya and tusks can be used for impaling and dismemberment. Also they can just crush the shit out of them. Along with an Elephant a couple of swords, definitely a katana as they are best for slashing. A strong compound bow would be of good use since you can reuse arrows and I doubt many other people are going to use it so I'd have lots of ammo. All I'd have to do is aim for the head. First I'd have to be good with a bow though... lol. I'd probably stay away from cities unless I had to go there. I'd use guns if I had them but I'd use them sparingly.

Don't saw off the barrel to your shotgun. It will only reduce its range and accuracy. A sawed-off is good for close combat only. And be clear of one thing; a sawed-off shotgun will splatter blood EVERYWHERE! Unless you are in a contamination suit, you will have zombie juice all over you.

From my understanding, that shit could be fatal if it seeps into your nose, ear, mouth, scratch on your finger, etc. It is best to leave the barrel long. That way you can get them a decent distance far enough to keep the blood and brains off of yourself. Combo load it too. Alternate between buckshot and slugs.

Also, if you are close enough to use melee, try to chop the spinal cord from behind the neck. If you swing directly on and across the neck below the chin, you will hit the artery in the neck. Since most people fall forward, the zombie will be pulsing blood like a hose right at you. If you absolutely must swing straight on, chop an arm or hand off first; that way the blood pressure will lesson the spray from the neck.

Personally, I will carry a long rifle, a compound bow, and a revolver. The rifle is to pick them off from afar. The compound bow is so I can hunt game and pick off the random zombie at a gas station or grocery store without attracting attention. The revolver is for when the gig is up. If five shots can't get me out of the jam up, six will, if you know what I mean.

Yawn Zombies are so 2005.

that 'beat a head in' joke had me fuckin roflin gdub

max brooks ftw

Not too bad :)

Nice, @ my site I'm writing a zombie story... check it out

(for real, there really is a zombie story there, I'm not trying to sell anything).

Rule #11 - Don't forget a can opener!

What about a crossbow??? That seems pretty effective!

@3: Rubbish. Freddie Wong says Rocket jumps are are not only possible, but highly recommended when facing a gunner hiding behind sandbags. :p :p :p

The ten tips come straight from the back cover of the zombie survival guide.


@9 - I know eh i keep telling people its a vampire movie but they dont agree

@12 Came here to say that, left happy.
@20 He credits Max Brooks with the ten tips.

Everybody else, enjoy roaming the planet as a zombie 'cause you won't live long when they rise.

tineye is your friend.

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