Mar 11 2011Chinese Knocker Clamp Corset Commercial
Note: Video possibly NSFW on account of gratuitous melon mashing (no, NOT like Gallagher). Although it is just a commercial so it can't be that bad.
This is a 5:00 commercial for a Chinese corset that cinches a woman's bloobies together with a comical WOOOOOP (but way more laser-y) sound effect. Literally, it's five-straight minutes of that. Which, depending on how you look at it, is either awesome, or you're a woman. Allegedly it can smash titties up two whole cup sizes. Impressive! At least until you can't breathe and pass out. Ooooor poke somebody's eye out with a nipple. WHICH I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF!
Hit the jump for five-straight minutes of boob-binding WTFery.
Youtube
via
Thursday timewaster: Boob clamps will give you gigantic cleavage [shanghaiist]
Thanks to An and Kristen, who don't wear corsets because they understand the importance of lettin' chest-puppies breathe.
Reader Comments
1. naas - March 11, 2011 11:35 AM
BOOB SQUEEZR
2. Meep - March 11, 2011 11:36 AM
I'd consider using that
3. President Obama - March 11, 2011 11:37 AM
Appropriate special effects ?
4. naas - March 11, 2011 11:38 AM
FIRST!!!!
5. Pubixcube - March 11, 2011 11:42 AM
Geekologie needs more posts like this one.
Wish I could watch the video though. Have to wait til I get home. :(
6. Compound9 - March 11, 2011 11:43 AM
Dude 54 seconds in Asian NERD playing with her pinch a pillows.
7. Damn nature, you scary! - March 11, 2011 11:45 AM
I hate having to wait till I get home to watch videos. I'm fucking surrounded by people right now.
8. Taggart - March 11, 2011 11:46 AM
Another boob post?!!? Geekologie going the way of Ebaumsworld? I know I'll get bashed for saying so, but I generally expect more sophistication and less smut from this site.
9. Rick - March 11, 2011 11:49 AM
DId the Chinese just discover corsets?
10. D - March 11, 2011 11:54 AM
all these chicks have nice boobs to begin with. they kind of look better before they are hilariously squashed together.
11. guinnessman - March 11, 2011 11:54 AM
Some people learn english from watching movies, I think I will start learning japanese from their commercials. I might not be good at speaking Japanese but I bet I can strike up intresting conversations.
12. you're a fuckin dork - March 11, 2011 11:59 AM
@8 -- you again? serious? you need to get a fuckin life and stop complaining about stupid shit. stfu or gtfo
13. Shelbon - March 11, 2011 12:00 PM
Not gonna lie, it makes her tits look great. but damn! no women have another way of tricking us. You go out and see a good looking one and then once you're in the bedroom you realize she was wearing a push up bra, very deceptive make, a wig, a corset and all kinds of stuff
14. Jesus - March 11, 2011 12:02 PM
@12... sounds like you need to find your salvation through me. Number 8 knows what I'm talking about right, number 8?...
Now stop touching yourself at night... or during the day... Stop touching yourself while you read this you fucking perv!
15. Rick - March 11, 2011 12:03 PM
@13... better than you trying to fool us into thinking you get girls... ha! Right? Amiright hahahaha....
See what I did there?
16. Shelbon - March 11, 2011 12:08 PM
now**
17. Shelbon - March 11, 2011 12:10 PM
@15 well you are right from a certain point of view. I have one that I would like to keep and this invloves me not going out and chasing tail. I wasn't every very good at it but it was frustrating when you finally convice one to sleep with you and everything that made her attractive is fake. That's all I'm saying
18. Pubixcube - March 11, 2011 12:13 PM
Hello!? IMPLANTS??? Anyone know what those are??? They are wonderful wonderful things! Who the feck cares as long as they look and feel like a boob
19. Taggart - March 11, 2011 12:16 PM
All I'm saying is that if I want porn, there are billions of other places to get it. I come here for posts about technology, StarWars and Zelda.
Then again, this tit clamp IS a gadget, so I guess you got me there. Pardon me for being a free-thinker.
20. Max Big-Dog Boivin - March 11, 2011 12:22 PM
@9 I doubt the Chinese just discovered the corset but, I think they just discovered publicity.
21. OU812 - March 11, 2011 12:34 PM
@17 let me break it down for you. Ok if a flat chested girl is out with her friends, the men always go for the big tit ones. So they try really hard to get your attention with fake hair, fake boobs, hell even fake butts. So it is damn if do and damn if we don't. Maybe next time your out on the prowl give the small chested girl some attention. You might find she was worth a second look.
22. dabzilla - March 11, 2011 12:39 PM
god bless those commie bastards! the sounds effects were perfect, but im pretty sure china pavlov'd the hell outta me. everytime i heard the sfx i popped a bone, and now i cant stop!
23. NT121784 - March 11, 2011 12:45 PM
ill buy it, but only if it actually makes that noise when you make it tighter
24. dabzilla - March 11, 2011 12:48 PM
@21:
you sound like a fat chick in a shitty disney movie. i didnt realize this post turned into a fat-chick-dating-advice-column.
@shelbon:
what did you expect? to fall in love or get your rocks off? long-story short, youre an asshole.
25. RainbowRecord - March 11, 2011 12:49 PM
As a lady, I don't really see the harm in wearing push-ups... I've got a 32E cup, which means I can't find any fitting, and I still so would love to wear some! What's the harm of a little deception? Are you boys always as good in bed as you said you would be? ;)
Plus the girls in that commercial are kinda cute (you know, being models, and all...) The only reason geekies should be complaining about that commercial is because it's a zombie commercial: it eats your braaaaaaains...
26. NES--still-the-best - March 11, 2011 12:50 PM
"Note: Video possibly NSFW on account of gratuitous melon mashing (no, NOT like Gallagher)."
Gallagher just had a heart attack while performing his act, in Minnesota, yesterday. A tad ironic.
27. Charlie Sheen - March 11, 2011 12:54 PM
Winning!
28. OU812 - March 11, 2011 1:04 PM
@24 eat sh*t.............Not fat at all, just sick of men bitching when they are the ones that cause it. .............so yea like I said..........eat sh*t........jerk
29. Rancid Dook - March 11, 2011 1:07 PM
@28 Woman! Make me a sandwich!
30. OU812 - March 11, 2011 1:28 PM
@29 sure, do you like peanuts or corn in your sh*t sandwich?
31. Rancid Dook - March 11, 2011 1:36 PM
mow mow
Peanuts woman! Shit, I asked you to make me a sandwich. Not give me options as to what kind!
Geeze I tell you...you say one thing to a woman and you gotta hear about all their drama and bullshit and period cramping....
mow mow
32. Christina - March 11, 2011 1:41 PM
Meh, it's false advertising, but if a chick wants to do it, whatever. Can't blame a girl for trying in the crazy society we live in.
I think it's funny that they seem to be implying (saying? I don't speak the language) that it will take fat cells from your belly and move it into your boobs. WTF. If that were true, I'd wear it every day and chow on crap food all day. lol
33. calgary web design - March 11, 2011 1:44 PM
Chinese girls dont even have boobs do they?
http://www.wedgeim.com
web design
34. atheistgirl - March 11, 2011 2:17 PM
THANKS GW!
You could have warned us about the sound level on the video.
I got blown off my chair.
Squish your boobs together and they look bigger. Wow, who would have thought it.
And 2 cup sizes? Really?
If mine got two cup sizes bigger they'd be an F.
Not sure I'd want that.
http://www.hairscissors.co.uk/MANAGE/ADMIN/STOREMANAGEMENT/PRODUCTS/IMAGES/training%20head%20_%20clamp.jpg
35. Pubixcube - March 11, 2011 2:25 PM
@31 Rancid you are a poor excuse for a man. I'll bet your a middle aged white trash piece of crap sitting in his trailer, drinking pbr in his white tank-top and piss-stained shorts. You should treat women with respect. They are the ones that bring us into this world. I'll bet if your momma heard the way you speak to woman she would give you a swift kick in the ass coupled with a backhand.
36. JJtoob - March 11, 2011 2:30 PM
1:53 She said "chichona" which is spanish slang for "racked". Now I see where we mexicans get that word lol.
I'm loving the measuring proof. Shouldn't the chest size remain the same even if you squeeze them boobs?
37. Shelbon - March 11, 2011 3:24 PM
@35 Hey! don't talk about pabst blue ribbon like that. That's classy beer and deserves your respect
38. OU812 - March 11, 2011 3:37 PM
@35 nicely said :)
39. http://www.ConfessionsOfAManwhore.com - March 11, 2011 4:07 PM
To all the ladies who find this garment too expensive, consider the natural "hand" alternative. I can do it at a very competitive price. Send pics of your gulami tzetsis to me and I will give rates..
40. Minty - March 11, 2011 4:21 PM
Wow, I'm impressed by the ability to smush belly fat into boobage.
With amazing diagrams and sound effects like that, how could it not be true?
Watch out world, my boobs are coming out to play!
41. cookie - March 11, 2011 4:36 PM
That's just cruel.
Imagine the disappointment.
42. CrazyAznKT - March 11, 2011 6:42 PM
But does it increase firmness? I mean there's really no point if you can't play with them in the future.
43. phlywitegy - March 11, 2011 6:42 PM
Not gonna lie. This is totally doing it for me.
44. DissolvedGirl - March 11, 2011 7:17 PM
Oh. My. God. That is AWESOME.
45. j - March 11, 2011 9:51 PM
the 1st pair looks like it would be less likely to have giant nipples, giant nipples being the least attractive, almost ugly boobs
46. Dave - March 11, 2011 9:59 PM
Dude its a great video, but I dont know why there so Excited...
CORSETS HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR A 1000 YEARS!!!
47. Manuel - March 11, 2011 11:59 PM
squeeeeez and... APPLAUSE!! :D
48. k. atkinson - March 12, 2011 2:32 AM
YAAAAYYYY!!!! for boobs!!!
49. Tucker - March 12, 2011 4:25 AM
So, what this thing does.... is, it can turn a over weight middle aged man into a hot asian chick with a very surreptitious set of boobs......... you chinese are crazy.
50. Chad - March 12, 2011 8:36 AM
The boobs are a lie!
51. sivad - March 12, 2011 10:15 AM
i can't believe i watched the entire thing. what a peeeerv!
52. John - March 12, 2011 11:36 AM
Someone make an animated gif!
53. dwkd - March 12, 2011 3:11 PM
@52 they're lying anyway with the bras.. so I say go ahead, use em, make it a perfect lie
54. kd - March 13, 2011 3:07 PM
XD lol all you people are crazy I red all the comments and OMG. you guys/ wemen are funnny
MEN:roar is fake=not good D<
WEMEN:stfu and show us respect
I think, being a fat vergin chick who's a freshmen is high school that cant spell worth a crap,THAT YOU SHOULD GET TO KNOW SOMEONE BEFORE YOU JUDGE THE PISS OUT OF THEM mmkay?
i know I'm gunna get flamed to all wholy hell for this but frankly i just dont give a flying shit i'm sorry for the awful english and that know one will agree/follow my advice.
oh btw DX I'VE GOT PMS SO MEN BEWARE
55. Robotpistachio - March 14, 2011 3:30 AM
@14 BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD! why jebus why!
this was the best BS commercial ive ever seen
THANK YOU GW.
56. magic - March 14, 2011 6:03 AM
Good article,great mind.
http://www.replica-watchstore.com/
57. el_chacal - March 14, 2011 4:55 PM
i can't believe i watched the whole thing.
58. Xenovann - March 22, 2011 4:17 PM
:D JUST INVENTED: CORSETS, OH MY, GOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:O NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
>_< Lier.