Dec 9 2010Tokyo, We Have A Problem: Japanese Space Probe Misses Venus Orbit, Retry In 6 Years
Woopsie daisy.
The Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA, despite the E in Exploration) attempted to insert a probe into Uranus's core Venus's orbit Tuesday but failed due to bad "orbit estimation". No biggie, the probe can try again in six years provided the country's not decimated by Godzilla in the meantime, which is a real possibility.
Launched in May, Akatsuki was designed to orbit Venus for two years and study the sweltering planet's weather using a suite of five cameras.
Although Akatsuki [the probe] does not have enough fuel left to turn around, it has settled into orbit around the sun. That means JAXA can try again for orbital insertion around Venus when Akatsuki returns to the planet in six years.JAXA officials said in a press conference today that the likelihood of a successful insertion then is "high."
Uh, why was the likelihood of success not "high" this time, hmmmmm? Did you ever stop to think maybe Venus doesn't want an alien probe all up in her privates taking video. And can you blame her? After all, she is the goddess of love and beauty. Which -- DAMMIT JAPAN, WAS THIS GONNA BE A FETISH FILM?!
Japan Probe Missed Venus--Will Try Again in Six Years [nationalgeographic]
Thanks to Samuel & Daniel, who once peeked up Mars' skirt and were surprised to see a giant cannon of a dong. You, uh, didn't know he was the god of war, right?
Reader Comments
1. Jason - December 9, 2010 1:31 PM
First.
2. naas - December 9, 2010 1:34 PM
that's no space probe.....
3. ThanatosK - December 9, 2010 1:36 PM
High change of successful insertion. Hmm, doesn't sound likely for a Japanese scientist... just sayin'
4. naas - December 9, 2010 1:37 PM
speaking of Daisy GW... where is (the reeeal) Daisy?
5. Shelbon - December 9, 2010 1:42 PM
The word probe give me a hard on. And venus, this is too much stimulation. Japan is always good for a sexy time
6. ciao - comes in sushi flavor - December 9, 2010 1:46 PM
They should make it bigger. ;D
7. Dishy - December 9, 2010 1:47 PM
This gives me a big deja vu (pardon my French).
8. Domino - December 9, 2010 1:57 PM
How did the Japanese miscalculate?!?
9. McFeely Smackup - December 9, 2010 1:59 PM
Like we didn't already know Japanese can't drive?
10. mike - December 9, 2010 2:03 PM
japan is trying to setup an akatsuki hideout on venus where uchiha madara can hatch a plan to take over the earth via his sharingan. hidan is also there to provide comic relief.
11. Dishy - December 9, 2010 2:07 PM
This gives me a big deja vu (pardon my French).
12. Spike Flannigan - December 9, 2010 2:08 PM
@10 - YES! The damn Akatsuki, Konoha really should so something...
13. Jonathan - December 9, 2010 2:11 PM
@8: My thoughts exactly. If the Japanese couldn't properly calculate it, then the numbers simply don't exist.
14. Louis - December 9, 2010 2:39 PM
*makes racist comment*
Louis of http://aprettyage.blogspot.com/
15. Jim - December 9, 2010 2:44 PM
Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about that B in orbital mechanics class.
16. waht - December 9, 2010 2:50 PM
"Ahh... these distances are in metric."
"I thought we were using Imperial units?"
"No..."
"Shit."
17. Liquid Tension - December 9, 2010 2:50 PM
if Goku had gone on that ship everything would be different
kaaa meeee haaaa meee!!!!
haaaa!!!!!
18. seth - December 9, 2010 3:23 PM
sigh . . . fail-a-lite
19. UY - December 9, 2010 4:07 PM
Probably the floormats.
20. wes g - December 9, 2010 4:59 PM
anybody...watch naruto in here? :hides out of fear and shame:
21. atheistgirl - December 9, 2010 5:40 PM
If there had been tentacles and schoolgirls involved I'm sure that those Japanese scientists would have managed a successful insertion.
http://cdn.pitchfork.com/media/9452-venus-in-cancer.jpg
22. Chris - December 9, 2010 7:17 PM
What an unbelievably juvenile article. How did this drivel turn up in my Google recommended feed?
23. Ed - December 10, 2010 1:11 AM
The chances of successful insertion are high. mmmm I love it when you talk dirty, baby.
In the meantime NASA should launch its own probe and then laugh at the Japanese once theirs is obsolete.
24. JJtoob - December 10, 2010 1:59 AM
@10, 12,
Akatsuki didn't miss it's orbit, it's making the biggest seal evar! It will take those six years and a crapload of chakra to complete.
and @ 20: Nearly religiously. Did you already see this week's anime and manga? I'm about to watch both.
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