Oct 29 2010 Sweet Homemade Krang Halloween Costume

Note: Video after the jump.

Krang, for those of you don't know (and clearly had the worst childhoods ever), is a character from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that's above Shredder. I know, I always suspected Shredder was a bottom too. So sassy and such a sharp dresser. Get it? The man wore metal spikes. Although, technically, Krang isn't above Shredder, he just formed an alliance with him while here on earth because he was convinced Shredder could help him take over the planet. Pfft, Shredder can't do anything but open cans and hate turtles! Also, Krang is just the little brain-looking alien, the body is his mechanical mongoloid suit. Per Youtube user mormolyke:

I made my husband a Krang outfit for Halloween.

Wow, now that's a good woman. Not only does she know who Krang is, she can make stuff. No word on her sandwich crafting skills, but hopefully we'll find out when she replies to the love letter I sent.

Dear lady,

Sweet-ass Krang costume on the realz. What do you say you and I get together? How are you at making sandwiches? I like all kinds. Also, sometime can I dress up like a member of the Foot Clan and swing from the ceiling fan like a ninja while--.

Girlfriend: Um, what are you writing?
Me: Gah! Grocery list, I swear. Let's see, toilet paper -- mustard -- cheese sticks.
Girlfriend: *snatching note* Let me see that.
Me: No!
Girlfriend: Is this -- a love letter?!
Me: I cannot tell a lie, no it 100% is not.
Girlfriend: *twisting balls like she's trying to open a new jar of pickles*
Me: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Hit the jump for a short video of Krang in action.

Continue Reading " Sweet Homemade Krang Halloween Costume "

Oct 29 2010 U.S. Map According To Where Movies Took Place

Woops. Big enough to be read version HERE.

This is a map of the United States according to movies that took place in the various states. As you can see, 'What about Bob?' took place in, uh, what is that, North Hampshire? Okay so I failed geography, big deal. Also, my most recent drug test, which means I have to report back to the clink on Monday. Ha, Monday. Like I'm not gonna wake up there tomorrow! Love the smell of a holding-cell in the morning. Getting teabagged, not so much.

The United States Of Movies [buzzfeed]

Oct 29 2010 Run, Do Not Walk: Robot Tank With Machine Gun

Northrup Grumman, a company best known for having two last names for a name, unveiled this machine gun wielding robot at the recent Association of the U.S. Army's Washington conference, solidifying in my mind that moving far, far away from DC was the right choice for me. The robot, typically an unarmed supply-carrying bot, was weaponized especially for the event.

Quite frankly," explains Anderson, a Northrop advanced-systems employee with short white hair and a whiter smile, "a weapon on a robot brings people into the booth."

With a grin, Anderson calls it a "new application," comparing his modification to the first time someone thought to arm a drone with a Hellfire missile. "We're gonna come around the side here," he says, "and scare people half to death."

All Anderson is doing, he says, is nudging the Army, suggesting that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to have a rolling armed robot, and rattles off all the guns it can support: the M240, the M249, the MK19 grenade launcher, a 25mm or 30mm cannon. What could go wrong?

Listen, I've had way too much to drink this morning to even go into weaponized robot tanks without getting violently ill, but -- oh God -- *BLAAAAAAAAAH!!* Ouch, that one stung. *wiping mouth with toilet paper, admiring myself in the mirror* Now, where was I? Working on my laptop at the kitchen table? Right. Hey -- somebody puked in here!

Northrop Arms Its Robot Pack Mule With Big Gun [wired]

Thanks to all the folks that sent me this, I broke my other laptop last night in a fit of (drunken) rage when it wouldn't cook my Hot Pocket evenly and won't have access to my email until tomorrow.

Oct 29 2010 Google Map Directions From China To Japan

Step 42 is jet ski across the Pacific Ocean! ROFL! Those Google Maps programmers, so zany. That said, I only cross the Pacific one way, on the back of Godzilla. I SAID MUSH YOU RADIOACTIVE SEX-BEAST!

Google Maps

Thanks to mikoboy, Rev Dr Dom and Honest Abe, who all claim to have crossed the Pacific on the back of Nessie. Are you trying to make me jealous?!

Oct 29 2010 Limewire: So Long & Thanks For All The Pr0n

Limewire is officially dead, ordered to shut down thanks to a court ruling from a copyright-infringement case brought on by the Recording Industry Association of America. Congratulations, RIAA, way to stick it to the eight people that were still using it.

Lime Wire was orderd by the court to disable the searching, downloading, uploading, file trading and/or file distribution functionality, and/or all functionality of LimeWire's P2P file-sharing software. Visitors to the site are now met with a legal notice that notifies them of the shutdown.

Earlier this year, a Manhattan federal judge ruled in favor of 13 record labels and the RIAA after they sued LimeWire for copyright infringement. The RIAA wanted the site shut down immediately, but LimeWire was granted a reprieve; until now.

The operators of LimeWire continue to tout how 'proud' they are of their service," the RIAA wrote on its blog. "To be clear, for the better part of the last decade, LimeWire and its operators have violated the law, and in doing so, enriched themselves immensely."

Enriching themselves immensely, huh? Sounds like the strumpet calling the kettle a whore, amirite? I always am. Except when I'm wrong, which has never happened and will never happen. 2 + 2 = swingers, FACT!

RIAA: LimeWire Broke Law, Should Not Feel Proud [yahoo]
and
Picture [graphjam]

Thanks to X-raptor and The Jeff, who download their music in torrents like normal damn people.

Oct 29 2010 The Cutest Lil Robocop You Ever Did See

In the spirit of Halloween I'll forgive the father responsible for dressing his young, impressionable child up like Robocop and taking pictures of him patrolling around Detroit. But just for the weekend. Come Monday this sort of thing isn't cool anymore. And speaking of not cool anymore -- I'm pretty sure the air conditioner in my bedroom broke back in June. I still turn it on though because I like the rattling sound it makes. Helps me sleep at night. Also, drinking a lot right before bed. Sorry if I'm not making any sense right now I drank a fat man's weight in booze last night and I'm hair of the dogging it this morning to make my head stop pounding. I might have already had too much. Just kidding, there's no such thing. You know how much Halloween candy I'm gonna eat this weekend? All of it.

Hit the jump for several more, and a link to even more of the candy magnet in action.

Continue Reading " The Cutest Lil Robocop You Ever Did See "

Oct 29 2010 I Bet They Hurt Coming Out: Jewel Smuggler Busted With 2,060 Diamonds In Stomach

Proving that diamonds aren't only a girl's best friend but also nutritious, a Sri Lankan jewel smuggler was busted with over 2,000 diamonds in his gut. That's a lot. I'm talking turds that could blind a person.

Police searched the man's two pieces of luggage to no avail, and grew suspicious as he struggled to sit still during questioning. The Sri Lankan blamed his discomfort on hemorrhoids. But the Indian super-sleuths couldn't be fooled.

The man later admitted to acting as a human courier on three previous occasions, and he claimed to have received $225 each time. In this instance, he had placed the jewels into 42 condoms and swallowed them two and a half hours before his flight.

After police fed him laxatives, it took him six hours to eject the stones, estimated to be worth between $337,000 and $674,000. If only passing a stone were always so lucrative. . .

$225 for carrying $500K worth of diamonds in your booty? Somebody went with the lowest bidder! Personally, I don't mule for anything less than a grand. Or do any of the cleanup work afterwards. Once I stand up and wipe my job is OVER. Stall's all yours, buddy.

Man Arrested With 2,060 Diamonds In Stomach [time]

Thanks to comfort eagle, who once swallowed 40lbs of fool's gold because he likes the way it tastes. Just kidding, he though it was real gold.

Oct 29 2010 But Why?: Mount Everest Gets A 3G Network

Mount Everest, which I have climbed many times in the past (several times carrying an injured Yeti to their sacred temple), now has a 3G network for climbers to use when they're not freezing their balls/vaginas off.

[Nepalese network provider] Ncell claims to have a base station that reaches up to the mountain's summit.

According to Mashable, visitors of Mount Everest can now surf the web or place calls trough a standard GSM 3G network. This means that visitors are no longer limited to satellite phones to communicate with those at the bottom of the mountain who were too chicken to make the vertical hike.

Pfft, I can remember when climbing Mount Everest used to be a challenge. Cell phone towers? Please. You might as well install a ski-lift and serve hot chocolate at the top. Ha, did I say hot chocolate? Because I meant mocktails. One safe sex on the beach, please!

Mountain climbers can now browse the Web from the top of Mount Everest [dvice]

Thanks to Phil D., who doesn't climb mountains as much as shoot himself directly to the top out of a specially designed cannon. I like your style, Phil.

Oct 28 2010 Blowing Up A MacBook Air With Fireworks

I bought a MacBook Air right when they came out but ended up breaking it over my knee after getting sick and tired of its weightlessness. My laptop needs some heft, dammit, I need to feel like I'm hauling some serious shit around (and not just 500GB of pr0n). The solution? A laptop bag half-filled with cinderblocks. My God do I feel like a man now. Plus -- PLUS -- the computer itself is still light enough to perch on my knees when I'm on the john (like I am now). Anyway, *flushing* this is a video of some guy exploding a *spraying air-freshener* MacBook Air with M-1000's. At first I thought the explosion *sniffing, spraying more air-freshener* would be disappointing, but it actually does a pretty good job.

Since the release of the new second generation MacBook Air, there really is no use for the old one. So we put two M-1000 dynamite sticks we got from Chinatown inside of our newly obsolete Apple product. The results are quite explosive.

Haha, I thought those were Chinatown M-1000's! I could tell because legal ones can't even blow the legs off insects. And not mutant ones either, I'm talking about regular-ass crickets. Also, I was lying about the whole owning a MacBook Air thing. I just said it to sound cool but having reread it I realize I sounded like a fart echoing off a hard plastic chair. Forgive me?

Hit the jump for the explosive action.

Continue Reading " Blowing Up A MacBook Air With Fireworks "

Oct 28 2010 F For Effort: How Not To Cheat On Homework

Some moron went and tried to Yahoo Answer his way to a B- on a homework assignment but failed(!) miserably when his professor found his question posted. You can tell the kid's a a moron because 1. he has a robotic typewriter for an avatar and 2. Yahoo Answers is the worst place to post a legitimate question unless you want it answered by some other halfwit caps-locking, "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I boned your mom.

Busted of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Oct 28 2010 Burn Her With Fire: Mother Shakes Baby To Death For Interrupting Her During FarmVille

Alexandra V. Tobias, best known for her wonky yet still piercing gaze, shook her 3-month old son to death for interrupting her while playing FarmVille on Facebook. I told you it was the devil's game. Girl, just be thankful I'd never put my hands on a woman because I would beat your f***ing eyes straight.

She told investigators that she shook the baby, smoked a cigarette "to compose herself," and proceeded to shake him again. The baby may have hit his head during one of the two shakings, she said.

FarmVille, named one of the "worst inventions" in recent decades by Time magazine, has more than 60 million members, most of whom access the game through Facebook. Some players have found it so addicting that they've lost their jobs and racked up debts north of $1,000.

What in the hell's the matter with people? And why does it always seem like the morons WITH ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS (or significant genealogical differences from the other parent) CARING FOR A CHILD the ones that keep having them? Because I'd like to propose a sterilization program. Ha -- did I say sterilization? Because I meant euthanasia by shotgun.

"FarmVille" Interruption Cited in Baby's Murder [mashable]

Thanks to Shenanigans and Jessica, who don't play FarmVille because it's the shittiest game ever invented.

Oct 28 2010 Boba Fett's Invoice For Han Solo Bounty

This is Boba Fett's invoice to Jabba for the live capture and delivery of Han Solo. It was created by Brock Davis and isn't actually a movie prop despite what your girlfriend who's never seen the movies might think. What are you doing with her anyways, God. Remember what she said when you asked her about having a sci-fi themed wedding? Exactly, she'd rather blow a Terminator. And do you really wanna spend the rest of your life with a woman that'll use the threat of robotic peen against you every chance she gets? Huh? IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BIG HER BOOBS ARE, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RHETORICAL.

Brock's Website
via
Boba Fett's Invoice to Jabba the Hutt [nerdbastards]

Thanks to Luke (not Skywalker), who actually has an authentic un-torn ticket for a ride on Jabba's sail barge that he never used because he drank Tattooine water and ended up spending an entire day on the john with Sarlaac's Revenge.

Oct 28 2010 Shouldn't You Be In Jail?: "Balloon Boy's" Dad Selling POS 'Bear Scratch' Back Scratchers

Balloon Boy's father, best known for being a jackass loser (and raising boys that look suspiciously like girls, picture related), has gotten into the inventing game, and just released his first POS, the $20 "Bear Scratcher", a tree branch you screw to the wall and scratch your back on like an animal. A bear specifically. Uh, shouldn't you be in prison getting your back scratched with penises?

"If you itch like a son of a twitch, than you need my latest invention," shouts a wild-eyed Mr. Heene before rubbing his back feverishly against the Bear Scratch.

"Arrrrgh!" he yells, while a twangy country jingle playing in the background praises the device.

And Mr. Heene's Web site promises that hundreds more "very cool gadgets" are coming in the future, for those people -- most predictably, the news media -- that can't help but scratch an itch for Mr. Heene's misadventures.

First of all, nobody wants anything that looks like a giant turd hanging on the wall of their home. And secondly -- $20 for a tree branch? What do you mean "patent pending"?! How is a stick even an invention?! GOD'S CREDIT BALLOON BOY'S DAD IS STEALING GOD'S CREDIT.

Painful commercial for the POS after the jump.

Continue Reading " Shouldn't You Be In Jail?: "Balloon Boy's" Dad Selling POS 'Bear Scratch' Back Scratchers "

Oct 28 2010 Tube-Free Toilet Paper?: GTFO Of Here!

That's right folks, Kimberly-Clark (the makers of Scott brand) are about to drop a bomb #2 on the toilet paper world next week with the introduction of cardboard tube-free rolls. Manufacturing magic! Sadly, no word on how this will effect a roll's ability to be thrown over tree branches.

On Monday, Kimberly-Clark, one of the world's biggest makers of household paper products, will begin testing Scott Naturals Tube-Free toilet paper at Walmart and Sam's Club stores throughout the Northeast. If sales take off, it may introduce the line nationally and globally -- and even consider adapting the technology into its paper towel brands.

No, the holes in the rolls aren't perfectly round. But they do fit over TP spindles and come with this promise: Even the last piece of toilet paper will be usable -- without glue stuck on it.

It's about time! There's nothing worse than getting to the end a roll, trying to carefully pull off that last glued sheet or two, and then accidentally touching your @$$hole with bare fingers because they tore. Plus one time I was wiping and a square just straight-up disappeared somewhere. Maybe it turned into a dingleberry, I honestly have no idea. Life's little mysteries.

Kimberly-Clark rolls out tube-free Scott toilet paper [usatoday]

Thanks to The Bathroom Magician, who I no longer in good conscious endorse for children's parties.

Oct 28 2010 Authentic Vader Costume To Hit Auction Block

Want a movie-worn Darth Vader costume? Start digging through the couch cushions for spare change! Then rob a bank. Then rob a jewelry store. Then rob another bank.

An exceptionally rare Darth Vader costume comes up for sale next month and is expected to fetch as much as 230,000 pounds ($365,000), auctioneer Christie's said on Wednesday.

The main components of the 1980 costume, including the helmet and mask, are considered to have been production-made for "The Empire Strikes Back," the second of the "Star Wars" series to be released, Christie's added.

"While there are limited public records of the costumes produced and used for the first Star Wars trilogy, the helmet, mask and shoulder armor from the present example have a provenance leading back to the film studios around the time of production," Christie's said.

Pfft, they can't even prove it's authentic! You don't see me trying to sell the t-shirt off my back as a movie-worn 'Back To The Future II' costume do you? *posting shirt on eBay* Haha, well you didn't actually see me do it. Oh, and for the record: I'm not just nay-saying to keep the auction's price down so I can swoop in and buy it, because I'm not. Shit, I don't even have two nickels to rub together! Which is a shame because I am lost in the woods and I'm pretty sure that's how you start a fire.

Rare Darth Vader costume up for auction [yahoo]

Thanks to Fally and Christine, who agree his gloves look suspiciously like oven mitts.

Oct 28 2010 Yes, Of Course: Plush Hello Kitty Reeboks

Hello Kitty Doc Martens not cutting it for you? How about some plush Reeboks? I know, I was *this close* to buying them too before I realized they weren't Pumps. What? Cankles, yo, I need the support!

Hit the jump to see black and white ones.

Continue Reading " Yes, Of Course: Plush Hello Kitty Reeboks "

Oct 27 2010 Burn It With Fire, Acid, Plasma, Shooting Stars, I Don't Care What Just Do It Now!

Seen here showing her obvious disdain for the entire human species, this is some creepy-ass humanoid robot that's allegedly supposed to help people out in hospitals or something. Sure -- help kill them! Per Engadget, who's apparently known about this thing for awhile AND DONE NOTHING ABOUT IT. For shame.

What you're looking at above is Actroid-F, Kokoro Co. Ltd. and ATR's latest iteration of the creepy humanoid robot that can mime the operator's facial expressions and head movements with unbelievable (but not quite human) accuracy. Her current job is to act as "as an observer in hospitals to gauge patient reactions."

The scary part is just how human she's able to move and act. If I didn't know better, I'd swear it's just an Asian lady pretending to be a robot. That said, on the count of three I want you to chuck this Molotov cocktail right into her lap. Ready? One, two, thr-- did you hear that? Sounded like she farted. And -- is that drool in the corner of her mouth? Oh well, THREE THREE THREE -- FIRE IN HER HOLE!!

Hit the jump for the lifelike fright-fest.

Continue Reading " Burn It With Fire, Acid, Plasma, Shooting Stars, I Don't Care What Just Do It Now! "

Oct 27 2010 Don't Turn Your Nose Up At Me!: New Snub Nose Monkey Discovered, Soon To Be Extinct

Seen here looking like the unholy lovechild of Michael and Bubbles, scientists recently discovered a new species of monkey hiding out in the forests of Burma. Wow, that's a face not even a mother could love. Or -- OR -- be faulted for abandoning by a log. No wonder they're almost extinct already.

But with only an estimated 260 to 330 individuals alive, Rhinopithecus strykeri is already critically endangered, the discoverers report online today in the American Journal of Primatology. Locals call the creature "mey nwoah" or "myuk na tok te," meaning "monkey with an upturned nose." Popular legend says the monkeys' uplifted nostrils make them sneeze when it rains, so they endure downpours by tucking their heads between their knees.

The animals are so rare that primatologists have yet to glimpse one alive. Instead, they relied on information from hunters and carcasses to estimate their numbers and create the image above using Photoshop. Although not a key game species, the monkeys often get caught in bear traps, and the influx of Chinese logging companies is further jeopardizing their habitat, the researchers say.

Wow, that second paragraph got real sad, real quick, didn't it? It sure did.

ScienceShot: Newest Monkey Species Allergic to Rain? [sciencemag]

Thanks to Shenanigans and John, who agree they should all be forced to wear fake honkers like the Proboscis does.

Oct 27 2010 There Can Be Only One: Pumpkin Versus Car

Note: Video is after the jump.

Actually, there can also be zero, because both the 1,200lb pumpkin AND Pontiac lose this fight. It's almost like they uppercutted each other simultaneously. Which is a shame because I just so happen to be in the market for a good used car. Just not one smashed to shit by a half-ton pumpkin. Because you know -- YOU KNOW that pumpkin smell isn't coming out of the upholstery.

Hit the jump for crunch-time.

Continue Reading " There Can Be Only One: Pumpkin Versus Car "

Oct 27 2010 Tokyoflash's Latest Wrist Candy, The Kisai 'Wasted' (Sorry But I'm Already There)

When I think "wasted" I think every good opportunity that's every come my way. Plus binge drinking. And that, in a nutshell, is how I live my life: drunk and full of regret (plus diarrhea a lot of the time). Oh God I think I only have one beer left in the fridge aside, this is the Kisai 'Wasted' from Tokyoflash. I don't know about you, but it's already got me feelin' a lil tipsy!

You've taken a hit and your senses are coming alive. You try to stay focused as a hyper energetic mix of bright lights and vivid colors overpower your mind, but it's too late. You're under the influence of Kisai Wasted.

With Wasted, the time is easy to read at a glance. A touch of the button will initiate the twisted display and the current time will flash for a short time to direct you. Hours are shown on the outside in the same position as numbers on a clock, groups of five minutes on the inside and single minutes in the centre from bottom to top.

$85 takes one home in either black or white. Now I know what you're thinking, but sorry, no gray. Or pink. But I will paint one green for you if you send it to me. No, no I won't. But I will sell it on eBay behind your back. Plus start vicious rumors. EXTRA NIPPLE THIS GUY'S GOT AN EXTRA NIPPLE ON HIS SHOULDER!

Hit the jump for several more shots, a diagram explaining how to read the thing, along with a video of the puke-inducing action.

Continue Reading " Tokyoflash's Latest Wrist Candy, The Kisai 'Wasted' (Sorry But I'm Already There) "

Oct 27 2010 Scratching My Heartstrings: Two Kittens With Myotonia Congenita (Fainting Goat Syndrome)

This is a video of two kittens born with Myotonia Congenita, aka "Fainting Goat Syndrome". It's by far the cutest/saddest thing you'll see all day (particularly the fall at 0:47) :(

at the slightest sound, the kittens respond by collapsing and falling into a rigid paralysis which lasts about a minute before they return to normal. This condition has hardly ever before been diagnosed in a cat, is rarely found in dogs and is more common in goats. The kittens are able to walk, but they cannot run or jump. aside from this they are normal. sad to report that the black and white kitten (spike) died on 27th october from respiratory failure. thanks for all the kind messages.

*wiping tear* What? I must have got some asbestos in my eyes when I was up in the attic playing ghost, okay?! Just kidding, that was sad as hell and I'm not afraid to admit it. Thank God all pets go to heaven, amirite? I am, unfortunately you're headed for hell so you better love them now before they're gone for good. I SAID PET YOUR PETS -- DO IT NOW!

Hit the jump for the video (the music alone had me bawling).

Continue Reading " Scratching My Heartstrings: Two Kittens With Myotonia Congenita (Fainting Goat Syndrome) "

Oct 27 2010 Man Of Steel? More Like Boy Of Tin!: Superman's Questionable New Look

Superman just got a makeover for an upcoming graphic novel about his youth and now looks like the kind of sad emo kid that would steal eyeliner from the beauty department at Target. But you used to be so super!

The new Superman will appear in "Superman: Earth One," a graphic novel by writer J. Michael Straczynski and artist Shane Davis that retells the superhero's origin story. While the iconic superhero retains his dark mane and defined six pack, he now has a decidedly more emo vibe -- pale, leaner, and brooding. (No need to get too worked up, Superman loyalists: This new graphic novel series doesn't replace the original comics, but rather will serve as a "reinterpretation" of his younger years.)

The Superhero Universe seems to have been increasingly influenced by what could be termed the "Twilight Effect," as Wonder Woman was given a similarly "edgy" makeover in June when her "bustier and hotpants" were traded out for a blue biker jacket and a trendy new hair style.

In the words of the New York Post, the new Man of Steel "wears hoodies" and "has smoldering eyes"; and as Clark Kent, he wears low-cut pants and skinny ties.

"Twilight Effect"?! Well folks, it's been real. Real depressing. I was gonna wait until after Little Big Planet 2 came out before ending it all, but that's a whole month away and, quite frankly, even peanut butter doesn't taste good anymore. *blows out pilot light, turns gas stove on high* I'm coming, Sylvia! (Get that Ball Jar of yours ready, I've got some serious droopers)

Superman Gets a Hipster Makeover [yahoo]

Thanks to Anthony, who blames the Twilight Effect for everything that's wrong in the world. And you know what? He's right.

Oct 27 2010 Tell 'Em How It Is!: Warcraft Player Schools Developers During Blizzcon Q&A Session

This is a short video of a hardcore World of Warcrafter asking the really hard-hitting questions during a Q&A session at the recent Blizzcon. Long story short, basically he schools the developers on their own game, who are apparently too cool for school and don't even know what the hell they're developing anymore. Also, in my mind every WoW player looks and sounds exactly like this guy.

Hit it for 1:00 of serious fanboydom.

Continue Reading " Tell 'Em How It Is!: Warcraft Player Schools Developers During Blizzcon Q&A Session "

Oct 27 2010 Death Star Destroying Alderaan Pumpkins

There are Death Star pumpkins, and then there are "Death Star destroying Alderaan with a giant superlaser" pumpkins. This, clearly, is one of the latter. Look -- I think I can see Superman's parents exploding! Huh? That wasn't Alderaan? Oh.
....
....
You sure?

Halloween Death Star [buzzfeed]

Oct 26 2010 Bright-Ass Yellow Is So In Right Now: Spanish Prosties Ordered To Wear Safety Vests

Spanish prosties hooking on the highway outside of Els Alamus have been ordered to wear reflective safety vests or face up to 40 euro (~$55) fines. But nobody looks sessy in reflective yellow!

Police claim the sex workers on the LL-11 road are not being specifically targeted because of what they do but because they posed a danger to drivers.

The prostitutes are in breach of 2004 law which states pedestrians on major highways and hard shoulders must wear the high visibility garments.

An estimated 300,000 women work as prostitutes in Spain where prostitution is not illegal but profiting from the sale of sex by another is.

Women wearing very little clothing and standing on roadsides outside towns and cities are a common sight across Spain. A recent survey found one in four Spanish men admitted to having paid for sex.

I'm not really into women in bright yellow, but men in bright orange? *shivers* So hot right now. Just kidding. Well, half-kidding. Also, making all the prosies dress in reflective vests isn't actually gonna do any good. Because, guess what: I've been hitting them all on purpose. Hooker? I hit and ran her!

Spanish prostitutes ordered to wear reflective vests for their own safety [telegraph]

Thanks to Shenanigans and Blaqk Panda, who have never been with ladies of the night. Men of the morning either -- allegedly.

Oct 26 2010 Mind-Boggling Gears That Actually Work

Did you know you can make gears out of wood? Same -- I always thought they had to be made out of metal too! But what do I know? I'm just a man who assumes there's a little coal-burning furnace in his laptop's battery. Anyway, wait till Mr. Spacely finds out about this whole wooden gear thing -- he's gonna blow his o-ring sprocket out!

Clayton Boyer demonstrates a variety of square, oval, pentagonal, organic and other unbelievably-shaped gears--and they really work!

That's right folks, the fun doesn't stop at square shapes, oh no, Clayton doesn't discriminate when it comes to gears -- he even has fish and octopus shaped ones! Clayton, you zany as a wooden nickel! That said, why you hatin' on trees so much? You do know they were all alive once, right? Now metal, metal has never really been alive. Get it? Satan's music.

Hit the jump for a worthwhile demonstration of a bunch of different gears.

Continue Reading " Mind-Boggling Gears That Actually Work "

Oct 26 2010 NASA, DARPA's 'Hundred-Year Starship' Space Program Aims To Put Humans On Other Planets (And Leave Them There)

Want to go to Mars and stay there? Everybody else wants you to. Including NASA and DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency), who are drawing up plans for the 'Hundred-Year Starship' program, which, if successful, will leave humans on alien planets for good. Uh-oh. Time to eat your protein pills and put your helmet on!

The first planet in sight? It may be Mars.

Worden expects the program to take off within the next two decades. "I think we'll be on the moons of Mars by 2030 or so," Worden said, according to Kurzweil AI.

So far, NASA has contributed $100,000 to the project, and DARPA has chipped in $1 million, according to Gear Log. That isn't nearly enough for blast-off, but Worden hopes to convince additional individuals to invest.

"[Google co-founder] Larry [Page] asked me a couple weeks ago how much it would cost to send people one way to Mars and I told him $10 billion, and his response was, 'Can you get it down to 1 or 2 billion?' So now we're starting to get a little argument over the price," Worden said.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! So far the project has $1.1million in funding? You can't even buy a spaceship wing for that much! Let alone safety belts. Not that you're gonna need them anyway, since you're never coming back to see your family. You know what? I say we send prison convicts. Isn't that what they did in 'Armageddon'? No? Those were professional drillers? I'm a professional driller. TELL ME WHERE YOU HID THE MONEY OR SO HELP ME GOD I'LL SLIT YOUR WRINKLY NIPS OFF. Works every time.

'Hundred-Year Starship' Would Send Space Explorers On One-Way Mission To Mars [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to Jonah Ray, who refuses to sign up until NASA agrees to make Wayfarers the official eyewear of the outerspace program.

Oct 26 2010 You Couldn't Pay Me To Ride That Pokemon

There are a lot of things I still want to ride before I die. More dinosaurs, Falkor the Luck Dragon, and on the back of a train caboose included. Not so much a frightening 25¢ mechanical Pikachu outside a grocery store. Still, your kids seem pretty easy to entertain, I'm sure they'll love it. Just sayin', your youngest one just put a live bug in his mouth. Huh? Sorry -- her mouth.

Pikachu Coin-Op Ride From Hell [albotas]

Oct 26 2010 Joking Through The Years (An Animated Gif)

This is an animated gif of several incarnations of the Joker over the years. Can you name them all? Oh snap -- no need! Here's a guide:

1. Conrad Veidt (The Man Who Laughs, film, 1928 - inspiration for The Joker)
2. Cesar Romero (Batman, TV series, 1966-1968)
3. Jack Nicholson (Batman, film, 1989)
4. Mark Hamill (Batman: The Animated Series, Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm, Batman Beyond: Return Of The Joker, Birds Of Prey, Batman: Arkham Asylum/Arkham City 1992-2010)
5. Curtis Armstong (Batman OnStar Commercial, 2000)
6. Roger Stoneburner (Birds Of Prey, TV series, 2002 - voice dubbed by Mark Hamill)
7. Andrew Koenig (Batman: Dead End, short film, 2003)
8. Kevin Michael Richardson (The Batman, cartoon, 2004-2008)
9. Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight, film, 2008)

Who's your favorite? Jack Nicholson? Heath Ledger? Because mine's the one from the OnStar commercial. I swear, those commercials, so f***ing good. You seen the one where the woman drives straight into a tree? Women actually do that!

Animated GIF of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Jody, who was offered the Joker role in the next movie but turned it down because he's tired of playing the violin. Villain, I meant villain.

Oct 26 2010 Seriously Marty, Where We're Going We Really Don't Need Roads

See? Because I turned the DeLorean into a monster truck!

Apparently, We Do Need Roads In The Future [thatwillbuffout/failblog]

Thanks to Greg, who once went to a monster truck rally but left crying during Carzilla's performance. Don't worry Greg, I'd have done the exact same thing.

Oct 26 2010 Sears: For All Your Power Tool Zombie Needs

Note: Larger screencap HERE for those of you that wouldn't be caught dead(!) at Sears.com

Sears, in the spirit of Halloween (or zombie apocalypse) has created a zombie department on their website. I took a look at it, it was hard to navigate because I don't know what 'zhabbanh mahn zamblahz' means. Then the dog farted in her sleep right next to me so I had to get up and walk around the apartment to air out for a minute. By the time I sat back down I had lost all interest. In living. I'm serious, her ass is really that bad. Silent by violent, futile but brutal, yo. Love you, Chloe! (now go sleep by your mommy)

Sears Website in "Zombian"

Thanks to ShinBuroken, meeotch, Dom S, deadexis and pat d., who don't support zombie-owned businesses because they're convinced the proprietors sold their souls. And they might have.

Oct 26 2010 Man Asks For Yin/Yang Tattoo, Gets Wiener

Note: Picture is unrelated.

This is a story about an Australian man who wanted a yin & yang tattoo but went home with a wiener on his back instead. Plus a bruise after being punched by the "artist". Wow. I know where I'm going for my next tat!

Detective Constable Paul Malcolm said a 25-year-old man had gone to the alleged offender's house and "somehow in the course of the conversation the subject of tattoos came up".

"The victim wasn't interested at first but he was talked into it and he said he wanted a yin and yang symbol with some dragons," Malcolm said, according to Ipswich's Queensland Times.

"The bloke started doing the tattoo and there was another bloke standing there watching saying, 'Mate, it's looking really good'."

The victim was then allegedly punched on his way out, before he could check the ink work, which reportedly also included a misspelled comment about his sexuality.

"When he got home he showed it to the person he lives with and she said: 'I don't think it's the tattoo you were after'," Malcolm said.

The 21-year old inkster is being charged with two counts of assault, one for the permanent wiener, and one for the punch. But I propose he also be charged for misspelling, bullying, and not being able to tastefully hide a peen in a yin & yang tattoo. I dunno, make the little circles the balls or something -- get creative!

Australian tattooist charged over rude doodle [yahoo]

Thanks to Oliver and Peter, who have never been tattooed at a person's house who convinced them to get something because they "need the practice". Good decision making, guys (I have a monkey lobbing a hand grenade at an armadillo on my buttcheeks).

Oct 25 2010 I'm Still Skeptical: "Time Traveler" With Cell Phone Spotted In 1928 Charlie Chaplin Flick

Allegedly a guy was watching Charlie Chaplin's 1928 silent film 'The Circus' and spotted a woman in a scene walking by talking on a cell phone. I watched the footage myself, and I'm skeptical to say the least. Guy is a crazy conspiracy-theorist to say a little more. Guy should be locked in a secret government facility and violated by aliens to say too much.

This short film is about a piece of footage I (George Clarke) found behind the scenes in Charlie Chaplins film 'The Circus'. Attending the premiere at Manns Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, CA - the scene shows a large woman dressed in black with a hat hiding most of her face, with what can only be described as a mobile phone device - talking as she walks alone.

I have studied this film for over a year now - showing it to over 100 people and at a film festival, yet no-one can give any explanation as to what she is doing.

My only theory - as well as many others - is simple... a time traveler on a mobile phone. See for yourself and feel free to leave a comment on your own explanation or thoughts about it.

Jesus, Sherlock Holmes is probably spinning in his grave. Check it -- I've got a much simpler (and correcter) explanation, and it goes like this: women, by nature, are talkers. And -- given nobody else to talk to, will even talk to themselves. This woman's probably having a make-believe convo with a shoe or makeup case. BOOM, case closed. Now, meet me at the bar for some real time-traveling (sorry, future trips only).

Hit the jump for two videos, the first of which has guy babbling about it for awhile, the second of which cuts straight to the chase.

Continue Reading " I'm Still Skeptical: "Time Traveler" With Cell Phone Spotted In 1928 Charlie Chaplin Flick "

Oct 25 2010 Eh, It Was Bound To Fall Off Anyway: Zombie Breaks Leg During Blizzcon Dance Contest

Note: Video of the ankle-twisting action is after the jump.

Seen here before the swelling makes his leg look like a marshmallow, dance competition contestant Daniel managed to break a leg while performing the undead male dance at Blizzcon 2010. Dammit Daniel, you'll never make a good dancer! Shit, or zombie for that matter. What you will make is some great robot-fodder while the rest of us are running for our lives.

UPDATE: Apparently just a torn ligament. Pfft, a real zombie would have danced that off!

Continue Reading " Eh, It Was Bound To Fall Off Anyway: Zombie Breaks Leg During Blizzcon Dance Contest "

Oct 25 2010 Pfft, Some Legendary Sword You Are!: Excaliber, The World's Tallest Climbing Wall

Personally, I only do three kinds of climbing: up the corporate ladder, sadly out of bed in the morning, and carefully out of my truck (hopefully without showing my panties). But for those of you that like to get a little more physical, *POW!* Haha, you said you liked it!

Towering over 121 feet in the air (37 meters) and with an overhang of 36 feet (11 meters) the Excalibur at the Klimcentrum Bjoeks (Bjoeks Climb Center) in the town of Groningen, The Netherlands, is considered to be the tallest climbing wall in the world. As long as you don't take into consideration mountains, cliffs or other man-made structures not specifically designed for climbing. The curved design results in sections that are easy for beginners to tackle, as well as some extremely difficult parts where experienced climbers will literally find themselves hanging.

Whoa whoa whoa -- are you really trying to argue mountains weren't made for climbing?! Hold on, we're gonna need a ruling on this. Hey God -- mountains: made for climbing or not? Huh? What do you mean you're not answering because I've been praying my neighbor will die? But he doesn't pick up after his dogs! AND he uses beach towels for window treatments! God, the man deserves to die and you know it.

Excalibur Billed As The World's Tallest Climbing Wall [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Erik, who once ran into Big Foot while climbing a mountain once but nobody believes him because he's a notoriously dirty liar. Notoriously dirty.

Oct 25 2010 A New Hope Told All In Facebook Messages

Note: It's a two-parter. Second part is after the jump.

Because a day without a Star Wars post is like a day without drinking to forget how hard I suck at life (I could pull a blueberry through a coffee stirrer), here's Star Wars: A New Hope (AKA the first of the three good ones) told entirely in Facebook messages. Now, for those of you who haven't ever seen the movie -- uh, what the hell are you even doing here? Because if you're gathering recon for the jocks so you can all pick on me later you've got another thing coming. Namely, a call from my mom. Just kidding, I fight my own fights. With a sockful of arcade tokens. That's right, it's quickly "game over" for any would-be bullies! Get it -- arcade tokens, "game over"? What? I'm working with what I was given! (I was given shit for brains is the thing)

Hit the jump for the remainder.

Continue Reading " A New Hope Told All In Facebook Messages "

Oct 25 2010 Do Want: This Dinosaur Bones Motorcycle

Oh I'd ride it alright, I'd ride it all. night. long. No, no I wouldn't either. I hate driving after dark and motorcycles make me nervous enough as it is. I would lay with it under a big blue tarp in my parents' driveway though. Built by sculptor Jud Turner, the 'Mortalcycle' is a statement about, um, our reliance on fossil fuels? Because there's no bones about THAT! And speaking of no bones: it's boneless buffalo wing day at Wing-Dings! *CRUNCH* Haha -- is, uh, is today not Thursday?

Hit the jump for several more shots and a link to Jud's website.

Continue Reading " Do Want: This Dinosaur Bones Motorcycle "

Oct 25 2010 Disgusting: The World's Largest Gummi Worm

Vat 19, the company behind the world's largest commercially available gummi bear, is back at it, this time with the world's largest commercially available gummi worm. It's every bit as disgusting as you'd expect. Unless you expected it to not be disgusting, in which case you're f***ing crazy.

The World's Largest Gummy Worm is 128 times more massive than a traditional gummy worm. Measuring twenty-six inches long and weighing in at approximately 3 pounds, the World's Largest Gummy Worm is the most delicious 4,000-calorie candy worm in existence.

Each World's Largest Gummy Worm features dual flavors, a ribbed body, and a five inch girth. It makes an amazing gift for now or later due to its year-long shelf life. Handmade in the USA. Available in five flavor combinations.

Each worm will set you back $28 and provides just enough nutrition to survive two days without other food or water. Just kidding, it actually provides no nutrition. But it does offer 2,000% your RDA of diabetes.

Product Site

Thanks to Will, who ate two of them for dessert and is now regretting it. Uh, how were you not regretting it a quarter through the first one?

Oct 25 2010 I, Uh, Thought That Happened In The '90's: Sony Officially Ceases Walkman Production

The Sony Walkman, best known for playing some of the sweetest mix-tapes ever recorded entirely off the radio, will no longer be manufactured as of this year. Weird, I could have sworn this happened before Y2K.

The final batch was shipped to Japanese retailers in April, according to IT Media. Once these units are sold, new cassette Walkmans will no longer be available through the manufacturer.

The first generation Walkman (which was called the Soundabout in the U.S., and the Stowaway in the UK) was released on July 1, 1979 in Japan.

Somewhat ironically, the announcement was delivered just one day ahead of the iPod's ninth anniversary on October 23, although the decline of the cassette Walkman is attributed primarily to the explosive popularity of CD players in the '90s, not the iPod.

Fun fact: it wasn't actually the CD player that killed the cassette. You know what it was? Terrible music. Now I don't want to point any fingers, but I will sort of helicopter my penis in the direction of every 90's band that wasn't Nirvana. Whoa -- you catch a whiff of that? Smells like peen spirit.

Sony retires the cassette Walkman after 30 years [cnn]

Thanks to comfort eagle, who doesn't listen to anything but the wind blowing by as he soars majestically looking for another mouse's day to ruin.

Oct 25 2010 Look Out -- TIE Roller Coming Through!

Get it, TIE roller? Like high roller, except with a TIE instead of high. I dunno, my roommate told me to write it. Also, to jam a knife in the toaster "to make special effects". It actually did look like a spaceship exploding aside, this is a TIE fighter wheelchair costume just in time for Halloween. "Use the Force elevator, Luke".

Image of the Day: Wheelchair TIE Fighter Costume [blastr]

Thanks to twellve, who once rode her X-Wing Radio Flyer down three flights of stairs without ever hitting a wall. Oh you're good.

Oct 22 2010 Frightening: This Cyberpunk Computer Station

Some crazy Ruskie, fresh back from a vacation in the Matrix, decided to build himself a cyberpunk PC. WTF's a cyberpunk PC? I dunno, but it looks like a case of lockjaw just waiting to happen. There's a whole bunch more pictures after the jump, but half the time I couldn't even tell what I was looking at. What's new, amirite? Hey -- what's this thing do?!
....
*stripping bed sheets* So apparently that was my wiener.

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " Frightening: This Cyberpunk Computer Station "

Oct 22 2010 Crocodile On A Plane Causes Crash, Kills 20

In other sad transportation-related news (I swear this is the last one), an escaped crocodile on a plane caused a panic, ultimately resulting in the plane crashing and the deaths of 20 on board. One person survived. Unfortunately, it wasn't the jackass who smuggled the croc on in the first place, so we can't beat them to near-death with sticks, let them recover, and then do it again (and again). I know, I'm as upset about it as you are.

One of the passengers had hidden the animal, which he planned to sell, in a big sports bag, from which the reptile escaped as the plane began its descent into Bandundu [Democratic Republic of Congo].

"The terrified air hostess hurried towards the cockpit, followed by the passengers."

The plane was then sent off-balance "despite the desperate efforts of the pilot", said the report.

The plane smashed into an empty house just a few hundred metres from its destination.

"The crocodile survived the crash before being cut up with a machete."

Okay so I'm officially never flying again. Or driving. Shoot, I might not even walk anymore. And I'm not just saying that because I'm fat and lazy, I'm saying that because I'm fat and lazy and don't want to die. "But GW -- what about weight-related illness?" Pfft -- TALK TO THE DONUT CAUSE THE GW AIN'T LISTENIN'!

Crocodile on plane kills 19 passengers [news.au]
and
Escaped crocodile sparked panic which brought down passenger plane killing British pilot and 19 others [dailymail]

Thanks to The Great Jordini, who once pulled a plane full of rabbits out of a giant hat.

Oct 22 2010 Sadness: First Man To Drive With Mind Controlled Bionic Arm Dies After Crash

Christian Kandlbauer, seen here, lost both arms after a jolt of 20,000 volts required both be amputated. Then, in 2006, he was fitted with a mind-controlled bionic arm (left, and regular prosthetic, right) and was able to pass his driving test with a specially modified vehicle (on the first try, unlike this woman). Sadly, he died today from injuries sustained during a crash earlier this week.

police in Bad Waltersdorf, a town near the crash site, said Friday it was impossible to say whether the accident was caused by problems with Kandlbauer's artificial arms.

Whether that robotic arm had it in for him or not, it's always makes me sad as hell to hear about auto-related deaths. Rest in peace, Christian, hope you're enjoying your new wings.

Man with first mind-controlled bionic arm dies after car crash [msnbc]
and
Man with bionic arm dies after Austria car crash [bbc]

Thanks to Greg, steven, Jillian, Revan and Keith T, who have all tried driving cars with just their minds with limited success (most never made it out of the garage, Keith managed to back all the way down the driveway before running over a neighbor's cat and crashing into his own mailbox).

Oct 22 2010 Female College Student Builds TMNT Van

23-year old Brittney Schneck went and built herself a Ninja Turtle Party Van out of an old POS '94 Dodge Caravan. Michelangelo is impressed. Also, sucking straight from the exhaust pipe cause I told him it'd get him high. Haha -- APRIL IS MINE!

"The Turtles played a huge role in my childhood," Schneck said. "Growing up with all my male cousins, playing Ninja Turtles while my Uncle Harry (Uncle Shredder) chased us around doing an exact voice of The Shredder. He used to drive us all around in his Caravan [GW's Note: CREEPY UNCLE IS CREEPY], and when I see one, I just think of the Turtles and all the memories."

Schneck hand-painted and stenciled the exterior colors and fabricated the ray gun, spoiler and other add-ons from scratch. It's not just cosmetic craft; Schneck has rebuilt and replaced most of the Caravan's mechanical parts, from a new radiator, brakes, axles and head gasket down to a clip for the hood prop rod, color-matched to the paint scheme that extends to the engine bay.

Good lookin', Brittney. What do you say we all pile in and head on down to the pizzeria? No?! It was that uncle comment, wasn't it? But he chased you around AND DROVE A MINIVAN. I would have been fired if I didn't make the connection!

Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures including Brittney's attention to detail, along with a link to her build blog with even more pictures and info.

Continue Reading " Female College Student Builds TMNT Van "

Oct 22 2010 Musical Magic!: Boombox Optical Illusion

Note: Video of the trickery after the jump.

This is an image of a boombox created out of cassette tape that only looks like a boombox when viewed from the proper angle. Otherwise it just looks like a bunch of metallic rat turds strewn across a kitchen floor. That said, I watched the whole minute-long video at least four times, and not just because I'm convinced I caught a gimpse of that girl's underwear when she was getting into position, but I am gonna watch it at least six more times just to makes sure.

Hit it for the trickery in action.

Continue Reading " Musical Magic!: Boombox Optical Illusion "

Oct 22 2010 Too Deep For Me: Scientists Build 'Holometer' To Determine If Universe Is Just A Hologram

"Ha, what isn't too deep for you, GW?" Dino butts, that's what. Now, strap on your WTF helmets and prepare to have your minds blown anydamnway.

Researchers at Fermilab are building a "holometer" so they can disprove everything you thought you knew about the universe.

The universe-as-hologram theory is predicated on the idea that spacetime is not perfectly smooth, but becomes discrete and pixelated as you zoom in further and further, like a low-res digital image. This idea isn't novel; recent experiments in black-hole physics have offered evidence that this may be the case, and prominent physicists have proposed similar ideas. Under this theory, the universe actually exists in two dimensions and the third is an illusion produced by the intertwining of time and depth. But the false third dimension can't be perceived as such, because nothing travels faster than light, so instruments can't find its limits.

This is theoretical physics at its finest, drowning in complex mathematics but short on hard data. So Fermilab particle astrophysicist Craig Hogan and his team are building a "holometer" to magnify spacetime and see if it is indeed as noisy as the math suggests it might be at higher resolution.

I'm not gonna lie, that actually made negative sense to me, but I suspect somebody's pissed about all the 3-D movies coming out lately. "If we can just prove 3-D is an illusion, maybe we can go back to not having to wear those stupid glasses in the theater anymore!" Hey, not a bad idea -- let me know if you need any help (I'll be crawling under the aisles rubbing my face on women's legs).

Fermilab is Building a 'Holometer' to Determine Once and For All Whether Reality Is Just an Illusion [popsci]

Thanks to Mih0, who agrees building a holodeck would be way cooler.

Oct 22 2010 Japan's Superior Beer Can Technology

See the little dent in the can? Yes, the one the red arrow's pointing to. It helps you open the beer without hurting your finger or chipping a nail. Plus, if you punch a key through it you can chug the beer faster. Yep, just another reason why Japan is better than us at pretty much everything except postponing the robot apocalypse. What do we have -- Miller Lite vortex bottles? What a bunch of non-functional shit! Besides, I don't want to create a make-believe vortex while I'm pouring a beer, I want to create lasting memories with good friends. Juuuust kidding! -- I drink alone and to forget.

The Japanese have superior beer can technology [reddit]

Thanks to ultrapony, who's done nothing but complain about the lack of oats since I made him my new mount. Oh yeah? ANOTHER WORD AND YOU'RE GLUE, MISTER!

Oct 22 2010 Scientists: "Butt-Ton Of Water On The Moon"

Some would argue scientists wouldn't use terminology like butt-ton, but those people are wrong and obviously don't know any scientists personally. They're regular people just like you and me except they make love with lab coats and safety goggles on. So yeah, apparently there might be a whole ass-load of water on the moon. Maybe even enough to build lunar pools. MARCO!

When NASA blasted a hole in the moon last year in search of water, scientists figured there would be a splash. They just didn't know how big. Now new results from the Hollywood-esque moonshot reveal lots of water in a crater where the sun never shines -- 41 gallons of ice and vapor.

The estimate represents only what scientists can see from the debris plume that was kicked up from the high-speed crash near the south pole by a NASA spacecraft on Oct. 9, 2009.

Mission chief scientist Anthony Colaprete of the NASA Ames Research Center calculates there could be 1 billion gallons of water in the crater that was hit -- enough to fill 1,500 Olympic-sized swimming pools.

Scientists hope that the discovery of abundant water may make a moon outpost a reality some day (hopefully before earth explodes). The GW hopes that he'll be able to get there first and ship all the moon-water back to earth which he'll sell to rich people for $2,000/bottle. Or -- OR -- just sell tap-water and SAY it's moon-water, which...

GET YOUR MOON-WATER HERE, FRESH FROM THE CRATER! CURES ACNE AND OBESITY! CHOCK FULL OF VITAMINS AND SPACE-CRYSTALS. FILTERED AND TINTED BROWN FOR THAT "FRESH FROM AN L.A. TAP" TASTE! COME TAKE A LOOK UNDER MY MICROSCOPE AND SEE THE MAGIC OF SPACE-WATER! OR *spit-take* JESUS -- WHAT ARE THOSE, NEMATODES?!

Last year's moonshot splashed up lots of water [yahoonews]

Oct 21 2010 The First ENTIRELY Robotic Prostate Surgery

You may have heard of the Da Vinci robot before (mentioned HERE and HERE on Geekologie in the past). But for those of you that haven't, basically it's a robot that allows a doctor to control an ultra-small set of robotic pincers and make movements on a scale human hands are incapable of. I'm particularly familiar because I had to trust my dad to the thing earlier this year. And I wasn't happy about it.

In a world first medics at Montreal General Hospital used an anesthesia robot, nicknamed McSleepy, to put the patient under. They then employed the DaVinci surgical robot to remotely perform the delicate operation.

The hospital have been using McSleepy since 2008, and were the first in the world to perform surgery using a totally automated system to knock out patients.

DaVinci is a far newer addition and was only put to work this summer but this was the first time the two were combined.

Dr Aprikian said McSleepy helped to create the perfect conditions needed for robotic surgery.

He said: 'Automated anesthesia delivery via McSleepy guarantees the same high quality of care every time it is used, independent from the subjective level of expertise.'

Now I hate robots as much as the next human concerned with the survival of our species, but the da Vinci did perform well when I needed it to. Granted I would have been rushing my dad out of the hospital on a gurney had there been any mention of a "McSleepy" robot, but there was not. So, yeah, I guess what I'm trying to get at is this: thanks -- thank you, Da Vinci robot. (You have no idea how hard that was for me)

Patient has prostate removed in world's first all-robotic surgery [dailymail]

Thanks to dsm00th, Jose, mark and Jenn, who have all performed surgeries on themselves without anesthetic or proper medical equipment. You all got shot robbing a bank, didn't you? That's what veterinarians are for, haven't you seen any movies?!

Oct 21 2010 It's About Time!: Live-Crab Vending Machines

Note: Video of the crab-vending action after the jump.

China, best known for not being on the exact opposite side of the globe as California (you could have told me before I dug the hole!), now has live-crab vending machines. Because if there's one thing I'm hungry for in a hurry, it's live f***ing crabs. Suck it, Snickers, I will wait!

A vending machine offering live Shanghai Hairy Crabs, spotted on the streets of Nanjing.

The inside of the machine is kept at 5 degrees celsius [41 Fahrenheit], a temperature cold enough to make the crabs go into a state of hibernation. A sign states that all the crabs in the machine are fresh: if the crab is dead-on-arrival, they promise to give you three free crabs.

Now I know what you're thinking, "oh my God -- I'll just kill my crab as soon as it comes out and get three free!" And that, my friends, is what I call thinking like an American. No wonder the rest of the world hates us.

Hit the jump and be amazed by China's far-superior vending experience.

Continue Reading " It's About Time!: Live-Crab Vending Machines "

Oct 21 2010 Milking It Dry: Disney's Line Of Official TRON Garbage, Including $800 Hooker Heels

First the TRON/Marvel mash-up marketing campaign, and now an official line of overpriced TRON garbage for womens. *posing nude on light-bike* I had no idea the ladies were so excited about this movie!

Apparently, there is a market for geeky gear for the ladies too, and Disney is all up on it with some new TRON items. The first product is a pair of spiked platform sandals that cost $795 that would be perfect for any stripper working Comic Com.

Those shoes aren't the only items in the collection from various designers. The price for the gear ranges from $90 to $2,600 and includes earrings and belts. I have to mention the belts if for no other reason than the designer is Han Cholo and the buckle is a golden light cycle.

The most expensive piece in the collection is a sterling silver necklace with the icon symbol from the TRON flick.

There are pictures of the belt and necklace after the jump, both of which look like complete and utter shit. I'm talking real booboo. So bad even stupid rich people will think twice before buying it. Don't get me wrong, they still will, but not without a second of hesitation while they're whipping out the plastic. And speaking of whipping out the plastic -- strap-ons: not as cool as they sound.

Hit the jump for the rest of the crap.

Continue Reading " Milking It Dry: Disney's Line Of Official TRON Garbage, Including $800 Hooker Heels "

Oct 21 2010 Robotic LEGO Machine Builds Other Things Out Of LEGO -- Potentially Including Itself

A robotic LEGO replicator? Not if this hammer has anything to say about it! (I let my hammer do all the talking because I start stuttering when I get excited)

Software engineer by day, Lego maniac by night Will Gorman has created the MakerLegoBot, a machine that can take a virtual 3-D model and assemble it using Lego bricks.

The machine is itself built entirely out of the Lego system, which raises the possibility -- theoretically at least -- that the machine could, with some modifications, build a copy of itself. The 3-D assembler uses three Lego Mindstorms NXT Bricks, along with 9 NXT motors.

"There is a recursiveness to this whole thing," says Gorman.

"I love the idea of self-assembly and the Star Trek replicator and I love Legos," he says. "I wanted to bring those two worlds together.

Listen Will, I love Stark Trek and LEGO too, but you know what I love even more? Not dying at the hands of self-replicating robots. Is that too much to ask for? It is?! Well how about some spare change? Daddy's got a whiskey tooth that needs a Jack filling.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a video of the plastic replicator in action.

Continue Reading " Robotic LEGO Machine Builds Other Things Out Of LEGO -- Potentially Including Itself "

Oct 21 2010 A Bike With Your Name On It, Literally!!!11111

The 'Write a Bike' concept is the brainchild of designer Juri Zaech and consists of a bicycle frame bent to spell your name. Juri is currently working on building a functional prototype (complete with gears and brakes!). No word how many seats will be to be able to fit on my custom "GW is the handsomest man on the planet, also the biggest balled, he's the one at very back pretending to pedal" cycle, but I hope at least enough to accommodate 14 spandex-clad hunks. DAMMIT ARMSTRONG, I SAID PEDAL -- LIQUOR STORE'S CLOSING IN FIVE AND WE'VE GOT A BIKE-BASKET TO FILL!

Hit the jump for several more renderings, including a double-namer.

Continue Reading " A Bike With Your Name On It, Literally!!!11111 "

Oct 21 2010 NBA Bans Spring-Loaded Basketball Shoes

Shocking news, I know. No word if rocket-powered sneakers are still allowed, but I say go for it. Just don't blow your cover by dunking from half-court or blasting off through the stadium roof after a win.

he APLC1 was banned because it contains a "spring-based system that is designed to increase vertical lift." ACPL1's can provide air of up to 3.5-inches more than regular sneakers. Sounds like moon boots to me.

The NBA provided the following statement, "under league rules, players may not wear any shoe during a game that creates an undue competitive advantage."

Athletic Propulsion Lab co-founder Adam Goldston said that he was not shocked to hear the NBA decided to ban his company's sneaker.

3.5-inches of extra air? My toes might actually leave the ground! Haha, fat chance. Get it? Because I'm huge. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if teams have been using these things for years and just not telling anybody. Remember: you're not in trouble if you don't get caught. Except with me, I see everything. Like right now -- you're rolling your eyes. Me? I'm rollin' on the floor laughing a doobie.

Sneaker that acts like moon boots get banned from the NBA [dvice]

Thanks to Keith, who once put Flubber on his ice-skates and did like a centuple axel.

Oct 21 2010 Every Role Playing Game Rolled(!) Into One

Note: You're not gonna have much fun playing it at this size, click HERE to see the thing in full-res and start making decisions!

This is a flowchart you can use to "play" every computer RPG all smushed into one. I tried it a couple times but kept getting stuck in the "enter your name" circle. These games can be so tricky!

If you've played a lot of role-playing games, you know that the stories blend together after a while. A plot twist or character death might have been shocking the first time, but after seeing the cookie-cutter scenarios repeated in an endless stream of titles, you feel like you're just playing the same game over and over. Well, we have the solution. Instead of shelling out for the next big Japanese RPG, just go through our handy flow chart. You'll save money and time while getting the exact same experience!

Well -- did you win? Congratulations! Pfft, and your parents said you were a born loser. I knew you had it in you! What exactly I don't know, but I suspect an alien's seed. You krinky as a mofo!

Every RPG Ever [gamingbolt]

Thanks to Belpheegor, who's actually played every RPG and can attest to most of the ending with him screaming and throwing a controller.

Oct 21 2010 The Oldest Object In Space (Found To Date)

When I think old I think the tub of cottage cheese in my fridge that was there when I moved in. I'm afraid to touch it. Not even the pickles and artichoke hearts will go anywhere near that thing. And you know what? I don't blame them. What I do do is gag every time I see it.

Homing in on an object found during the Hubble Space Telescope's long, deep stare into the distant past, astronomers have fished out a galaxy whose light has traveled more than 13 billion light-years to get here, making it the oldest astronomical object found so far.

The universe's most senior citizen is called UDFy-38135539, but scientists suspect its title as record-holder -- previously held by a gamma-ray burst -- will not last.

Measurements taken of UDFy-38135539 by Lehnert and colleagues confirm it formed within 600 million years of the universe's creation. Theoretical models and computer simulations suggest that the first galaxies could have formed as early as 200 million years after the Big Bang event.

First of all, gamma-ray bursts shouldn't even be allowed to hold records. It ain't right. That's like awarding a spectator a medal in the Olympics. You're not even a real person. Secondly, a galaxy that was crated 600-million years after the Big Bang? That's nothing. Because I used to know a galaxy that formed 500-million years after the Huge Splooge that would buy me and my friends beer in high school. Also, did you know that outerspace is mostly empty space? Because what if we're cruising and I have to pee between galaxies? Just wet my spacesuit? Too late!

Hit the jump for an artist's rendering of the Methuselah galaxy.

Continue Reading " The Oldest Object In Space (Found To Date) "

Oct 20 2010 Brotherly Love: Mario & Luigi Facebook Fight

I love picking Facebook fights, they're one of my few remaining joys in life. Typically I choose a random girl from high school I used to have a crush on and then start laying into her. Stuff like, "HAY STOOPID!" Then when they try to turn the table on my intentional misspellings, that's when I really pounce. It usually goes something like this:

GW: HAY STOOPID!
Random-ass: If you're going to say something moronic at least use proper grammar.
GW: YEAH WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD USE PROPER HYGIENE BECAUSE EVERYBODY USED TO MAKE FUN OF THAT SHIT-BREATH OF YOURS BEHIND YOUR BACK!
Random-ass: Wow, still a childish loser, consider yourself unfriended.
GW: Consider your mom unfriended -- I totally did her when I was a junior!
GW: Your dad too!
GW: But that was senior year.
GW: And I was starting to eye your pets!
GW: Just kidding.
GW: Didn't you have a ferret or something?
GW: Chinchilla?
GW: Maybe I'm thinking of Kelly's rat.
GW: You remember Kelly? She has a bunch of ugly-ass kids now.
GW: So do you think of me as a friend or more as like a boyfriend?

Mario Can't Take a Joke [dorkly]
and
Geekologie on Facebook

Thanks to Matt, who I actually am friends with on Facebook and might fight next. YOU'RE GOING DOWN.

Oct 20 2010 Ya Best Protect Ya Neck: Airbag Helmets

There's nothing worse than getting hit by a car riding a bike (but cars can't ride bikes!). Kidding, there are much worse things, like getting hit by a tractor trailer while riding a bike. Missiles and gunfire are also bad. But, starting next year, an airbag helmet might just save your life. It won't, however, save you any money. The head protectors will cost around $450 when the go on sale this spring. "Screw that, I'll just risk it!" Haha, I thought you'd say that. Which is why I loosened your handlebars.

The Hövding, which means "Chieftain" in Swedish, is the brainchild of Anna Haupt and Terese Alstin, who said they wanted to develop a form of protection that would increase helmet use.

"The protection would include preserving the sense of freedom and not ruin your hairstyle," Alstin says on the website David Report.

Hövding involves a black waterproof collar surrounding an the airbag and other components. The collar attaches to a removable, washable shell that currently comes in black and a red paisley design

The Hövding will go on sale next spring, just in time for bike weather.

Hoho, *gesturing at pants* I've got a Hövdinger for you right here! No, I really don't is the thing. What I do have is a pocketful of warm Starburst and bar tabs. "Jesus, GW, you really live the life, don't you?" Nope, I die it. Wow, that turned out a lot more depressing than I'd hoped. *glug glug* Oh well -- you win some, you booze some.

Hit the jump for an un-inflated shot and a worthwhile crash-test video of the instant head protector in action.

Continue Reading " Ya Best Protect Ya Neck: Airbag Helmets "

Oct 20 2010 Pool Party At Batman's!: Bat-Signal Pool (And Possible Bat Cave) Spotted On Google Maps

Wayne manor? It certainly could be. Although it doesn't really look big enough to be honest. But who else would have the bat symbol in their pool? Just some rich a-hole with more money than he (I suspect it's not a girl, otherwise it would be a stiletto) knows what to do with? I guess you're right. That would certainly explain the tennis court. But riddle me this (just like the Riddler!) then: why did I see Batman and Robin skinny-dipping in the pool late last night? Because they like watching each other's wieners flop around all crazy-like when they go off the diving board? Yeah, that actually was pretty funny. Then they made out in the woods. I watched the whole thing with night-vision goggles. Green weenies.

One more zoomier picture after the jump.

Continue Reading " Pool Party At Batman's!: Bat-Signal Pool (And Possible Bat Cave) Spotted On Google Maps "

Oct 20 2010 Learning By Looking: Evolution Of The Geek

Note: This is a little small to read without straining your eyes, click HERE to see the thing in all its high-res glory, GLORY, HALLELUJAH.

But I thought the geek was intelligently designed! Get it? Smarts and stuff, yo -- book learnin'. Also, Glee geeks, really? Cause I'm pretty sure that makes you a glork. Oh really, you did theater/show-choir in high school? Shocking.

The Evolution Of The Geek [flowtown] (which all you ladies visit once a month, amirite?!)

Thanks to Cristin and the TOASTer, who both evolved from advanced lifeforms from another planet. Lucky you guys.

Oct 20 2010 New Mortal Kombat Trailer: Scorpion Edition

This is another teaser trailer for the new Mortal Kombat game (the ninth in the series for those of you not keeping track) dropping early next year. This video tells the story of Scorpion, who, after Raiden, is the second coolest character in the franchise (Frost is third). Don't agree with me? Call somebody who cares. You know, or me. My phone hasn't rung in three days and I'm really starting to get depressed about it. Seriously, not even a text message. "Uh, GW? That's not a cell phone, that's a TV remote." SHUT UP I KNOW MY TECHNOLOGIES OKAY?! Now, make yourself useful and fetch a coat hanger so I can fish my bagel out of the PS3.

Hit the jump for the worthwhile video.

Continue Reading " New Mortal Kombat Trailer: Scorpion Edition "

Oct 20 2010 Deathly Delicious: The Big Fat Ugly Sandwich

Close your eyes and think "big fat ugly". What comes to mind? Ex-girlfriends? Same here. But from now on I'm thinking sandwich. Introducing the Big Fat Ugly from Fat Sandwich Company, Champaign, Illinois. It will kill you.

Big Fat Ugly (with mayo and ketchup) $25.00

2 Rolls, 4 Cheeseburgers, Double Cheesesteak, Chicken Cheesesteak, Gyro Meat, Grilled Chicken, Bacon, Sausage, Mozzarella Sticks, Chicken Fingers, Chicken Nuggets, Mac N Cheese Bites, Fried Mushrooms, Jalapeño Poppers, Pizza Bites, Onion Rings, Hash Browns, American Cheese, Mayo, Ketchup and French Fries.

My God that sounds delicious. A sandwich almost as big as a football? Count me in. Plus if you can pound one in under 15 minutes you eat for free! Sure you'll blow the back of your pants out and burn a hole in your car seat on the way home, but you ate for free. Now roll down my window or I'll kill you.

Fat Sandwich Company
via
The Fat Sandwich [foodbeast]

Thanks to Blastphemer, who agrees this is the furthest thing from blasphemy he's seen in a while.

Oct 20 2010 Surprised, I'm Not At All: Chinese Man Gets Arm Stuck In Toilet Trying To Save Cellphone

A young man from the Jiangsu Province in China whom I won't name (but will post a picture and video of) because he's already gone though enough embarrassment, managed to get his arm stuck in the exit-pipe of a commode trying to retrieve his dropped cell phone. *horf* That. Is. Disgusting. Thankfully, "emergency services rescued him with only minor cuts and bruises to his arm." No word on whether or not he got the phone back, but when his arm was finally freed he was clutching a turd. So I'm guessing no.

One minute video of the rescue operation going down after the jump. Also, did you know an average of 850,000 cell phones are dropped in toilets yearly? Fact!

Continue Reading " Surprised, I'm Not At All: Chinese Man Gets Arm Stuck In Toilet Trying To Save Cellphone "

Oct 20 2010 It's That Time Of Year!: Sexy Geek Swimwear

Swimsuits: if you take yours off in line at a water park they'll kick you out. Thankfully, Black Milk Clothing, a company best known for the sessy-ass Space Invader tights I posted back in January, has you covered. Literally -- their stuff will cover your privates. Now, I know what you're thinking, "I really appreciate the unconventional nature of releasing a new swim line in mid-October, but seriously, WTF?" And you see, young Padawonton, it's just now mid-spring in Australia where Black Milk is based. How does that even work? aside, here they all are. As you can see, there's the mandatory R2 and Darth Vader models, some outerspacey ones, and even some skulls and bones. I posted larger shots of all the geekier ones after the jump, so be sure to check them out. It's just like looking through the lingerie section of a JC Penny catalog on the john! But hopefully your sister won't walk in on you this time. Damn yeah she told me! You nasty.

Hit the jump for 14 closeups. Oh, and all the suits are $85.

Continue Reading " It's That Time Of Year!: Sexy Geek Swimwear "

Oct 19 2010 Of Course: Tron/Marvel Comic Book Mashups

Because there's nothing sacred in marketing but the bottom line, Marvel will be releasing variant mash-up covers on a number of upcoming comics to really force-feed 'Tron: Legacy' down your gullet. Dammit Disney, at least pre-chew it for me first.

These variant covers, created by Mark Brooks Brandon Peterson, will roll out in November with select Marvel Comics titles: "Aamazing Spider-Man" #651, "Avengers" #7, "Avengers Academy" #7, "Captain America" #612, "Incredible Hulks" #618, "Invincible Iron Man" #33, "New Avengers" #7, "Secret Avengers" #7, "Thor" #617 and "Wolverine" #4.

There's nine more of the covers after the jump, and admittedly a lot of them do look good, but still. I can't help but hate Disney for not putting enough penises in their cartoons. I mean, what am I supposed to do when I take my kids to the latest Disney flick? Drink out of a flask and throw Skittles at all the MILFS? I like the way you think!

Hit the jump for Spider Man, Thor, Ghost Rider, Iron Man, Captain America, two chicks with ridiculous looking knockers, and more.

Continue Reading " Of Course: Tron/Marvel Comic Book Mashups "

Oct 19 2010 Hooters Girl Competes In Contest Thinking She'll Win A Toyota, Actually Wins Toy Yoda

This story is old as hell, but I'd never heard it and it's too good to pass up. So apparently a Florida Hooters waitress competed in a beer-sales competition in which the grand prize was a Toyota, only thing is, it was never spelled, only spoken.

In a funny twist and play on words, Hooters didn't award a Toyota but gave her a ......

A Toy Yoda!

Jodee Berry, the former waitress, is now suing Hooters! Appearantly, she wasn't too amused by the joke!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Apparently it was all part of an April Fool's Joke. Seriously thought, that's a pretty cruel joke. Especially because she kind of looks like Yoda. That's how feelings get hurt.

UPDATE: Apparently Hooters settled for an undisclosed amount of money that was more than enough to buy a Toyota. Dammit Hooters, stick to your wings guns.

Hooters Girl thought she was getting a Free Toyota in Drinking Contest [idiotbrain]

Thanks to Shannon, who once entered a contest for an Oldsmobile, won, and got an Alexander Calder original worth millions. Well done!

Oct 19 2010 Panda Lips: For The Real Animal Lover

Ever wanted to make out with a miniature panda painted on some chick's lips? If you answered "yes", congratulations, you're a sexual deviant. I want you to call your local law enforcement office and report yourself. Also, not live within a half-mile of a zoo or own any animal traps. So, pervert -- did you take my cat? DID YOU?!

Bamboo-zled: Panda Lips [obviouswinner]

Thanks to Chris, who insists he's got some bamboo for it. I don't even know what that means but -- oh, wait a minute, yes I do. You dirty!

Oct 19 2010 Whoa Whoa Whoa -- T-Rex Was A Cannibal?!

Seen here with a mysterious rash on its neck that bears a striking resemblance to the one on my genitals, the fearsome t-rex may have been a cannibal, munching on the flesh of its own brethren. Ha -- and all along I you thought they ate horses and cows. You need to read books!

While reviewing the dinosaur fossils of the T. rex, paleontologists from Yale, the University of Alberta, Montana State University and Florida State University found large teeth marks that suggest bites from other T. rex dinosaurs.

"They're the kind of marks that any big carnivore could have made, but T. rex was the only big carnivore in western North America 65 million years ago," said Yale researcher Nick Longrich, in a news release.

Longrich, a Canadian, found a number of examples of this type of cannibalism by reviewing other fossil collections in museums.

"It's surprising how frequent it appears to have been," Longrich said. "We're not exactly sure what that means."

"We're not exactly sure what that means". Well brainiac, I think we can probably rule out a diet of drive-thru tacos and fried chicken. What it means is t-rex's bit each other. Granted it may have been during battle or the bitee may have already been dead, but that's not the point. The point is this: I passed out dead-drunk on the couch over the weekend and when I woke up the dog already had my foot in her mouth. WTF CHLOE -- 4 hours and you're ready to eat me?! *bark* It was 16? Oh. I was wondering why you peed by the door! *bark* Haha, I know it was me, I just like blaming you.

T. rex was a cannibal [cbc]

Thanks to T-Bone, H6E6X6, Annie, DanQ, Alysa, Nerdologie and Miss Bowser, who just assumed they ate cows because that's what they fed them in Jurassic Park. See? I wasn't the only one!

Oct 19 2010 Sure, Why Not?: Implantable LED Tattoos

Tattoos: they're cool and all, but they aren't light-up enough. Enter the implantable LED array. Now that skull & crossbones you've been considering can have blinking red eyes. You'll be the talk of the pirate party!

The LED arrays were developed by John Rogers from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and they can twist and stretch by as much as 75%. Coated in thin silicon rubber, they're also waterproof and safe to implant under the skin. That means that you could, in theory, spell out your name in flashing lights under the skin of your back.

Count me in. I want a real sweet fire tattoo coming out from the top of my pants with red and yellow LED highlights that flicker when I dance seductively. "But GW, how's an LED supposed to know when you're dancing seductively?" I'M NEVER NOT, FOOL!

Move over tattoos: implantable LEDs light up your skin [dvice]

Thanks to Aaron and Stephanie, who are both holding out for implantable lasers. Hoho -- now you're talking!

Oct 19 2010 Neato: Your Musical Preference As A Graph

Ever wonder what your musical preference would look like plotted against time? Me neither, but only because I spend my time wondering about more important stuff. Stuff like, oh I don't know, what's the optimal peanut butter to jelly ratio for a sandwich. And, even more importantly, is it dependent on bread type? You know, the really hard-hitting questions. Per not-so-bad Google Translation:

Last graph now takes up precisely these statistics, that is your taste in music and creates a graph in the form of a timeline (x-axis). The different amplitudes (y-axis) represent the frequency of the artists who came to this particular time through your speakers. The service offers several options to customize the finished graph to your needs so you can even change the period and select the color display. You can then save the graph as a PDF file with the very great advantage that load graph created a vector graphic. Thus, the image can be stored up to infinity, enlarge without any loss and therefore print. That's what I did. In a calibrated perfectly ordinary photo service I've printed the poster in 3m width and about 80cm high.

Okay that's actually pretty cool. Unfortunately, I'm embarrassed enough I keep a Lady Gaga CD under my car seat, I can't really go around putting her name up on my wall, now can I? I mean I could, I'd just be ridiculed. You know, by all my friends that come ove....BWAHAHAHAHA! Friends. I had you for a second, admit it!

Hit the jump for some close-ups so you can actually see what's going on.

Continue Reading " Neato: Your Musical Preference As A Graph "

Oct 19 2010 Life In Space: A Star Trek-y Sci-Fi Comedy

Note: Worthwhile 1:30 trailer after the jump. Slightly NSFW due to a censored wiener.

Life In Space is a sci-fi comedy show made by my friend Tyson. I've known him since I was five or six so I'll vouch for him despite the fact he beat me in the face swinging at a piñata at one of his birthday parties. He's actually 30 now but based on the way his brain functions you'd swear he's eight, tops (that was complimentary Tyson, I swear). Anyway, this is his brainchild, and he wants to turn it into a regular web series. He also plays the handsome captain. Me? I play Peggle. While I blog.

"Life in Space" is an outer space science fiction comedy TV Show. Two years in the making, Life in Space, is the story of the Galaxy Federation star ship, the Star Filet on intergalactic missions to protect the galaxy. The show is jam packed with aliens, robots, laser battles, and over the top special effects!

There's a short trailer after the jump, which I suggest you check out. And not just because I want my friend to succeed so I can ride his coattails to fame and fortune, but not having to worry about where my next bottle of booze is coming from would be nice. Because last night for my 7,000th post celebration it came from the gnarled hands of a sleeping bum. I think I drank a tooth.

UPDATE: 3-minutes of the 1st episode now up on Tyson's website HERE.

Hit the jump, watch the trailer, and check out Tyson's Kickstarter page if you're interested in helping out.

Continue Reading " Life In Space: A Star Trek-y Sci-Fi Comedy "

Oct 19 2010 Uh, Is That The Pumpkin We've Been Looking For?: R2-P2, The Halloween Jack O' Droid

This is a pumpkin carving sculpture of R2-D2. What's the difference between a pumpkin carving and a pumpkin sculpture? Pretension. Just kidding, there actually is a difference. I think. Per an interview with sculptor Noel Dickover (remind me to never do business with you!):

How long did it take you to carve R2-D2?

It took somewhere between 10-11 hours. I started at 10:00 on Saturday morning and got done just after 10:00 that night, but taking in account eating and so forth, that's my estimate.

What goes into planning one of your pumpkins?

There's a difference between carving a pattern on a pumpkin, and a pumpkin sculpt. In the case of R2-D2, or the Deathstar, for instance, the pumpkin "is" the object, not just a portrait. So in thinking about carving R2-D2, I absolutely had to have a fairly tall, completely cylindrical looking pumpkin. I found one that weighed in at right around 40 lbs. Without this, there's no way I could have gotten the detail I was looking for.

There's a bunch more pictures of R2-P2 after the jump, along with a link to Noel's website where he's got a TON of other geeky pumpkins, including a 186-pound Death Star and more dragons than you could wave a magic wand at. Well technically you could wave a magic wand at them, there's just far too many to do any significant damage before they burnt you to a crisp. You'd be way better off casting Cloak of Invisibility and running like hell.

Click or do not click, there is no try (kidding, I miss buttons all the time).

Continue Reading " Uh, Is That The Pumpkin We've Been Looking For?: R2-P2, The Halloween Jack O' Droid "

Oct 19 2010 Mixed Feelings: Pleo The Pet Dino Is Back

For those of you not familiar with the original, Pleo is a robotic pet dinosaur that starts off as a newly-hatched Camarasaurus, and then develops a unique personality, mood, and habits based on its treatment. Obviously I never bought into them because I watched a video of one without its skin on and almost slipped into a coma. Aaaaand now they're back.

The new Pleo dinosaur, called the Pleo RB or Pleo Reborn, has been spotted in Hong Kong. This beast cost $500 at a Hong Kong toy show and features touch and temperature sensors, a gravity sensor, and rudimentary voice recognition. It also has an RFID "smell" sensor that can pick up the scents of various items.

As you recall, Pleo was discontinued and then the brand was picked up by Innvo Labs who vowed to return the happy dino back to her lofty place in the world of thinking toys.

$500! Isn't that why they were discontinued in the first place? You're a glorified Furby! And we all know what happened to the Furby's, don't we? Extension. "Dammit GW, how about a little proofreading?!" Oh -- sorry. Instinction. BOOM -- second time's a char-- no? They all died. Also, for everyone who already asked or was about to: no, GW no bone-o robo dino.

Two videos of the thanksbutnothanksasaurus after the jump.

Continue Reading " Mixed Feelings: Pleo The Pet Dino Is Back "

Oct 18 2010 How Kind Of You!: Man Has Laptop Stolen, Thief Mails Zip Drive Of Personal Data To Him

A man recently had his laptop stolen in Sweden, only to have a zip-drive mailed to his residence a week later that contained all his files and personal data from the machine. Sounds like some serious Robin Hood shit if you ask me. You know, honor amongst thieves. No? That's not what that refers to? Oh. Well I learned it from a Wu-Tang song anyway.

As the victim, a professor at Sweden's Umeå University, told the Västerbottens-Kuriren newspaper "this story makes me feel hope for humanity." Of course, you could argue that had the thief had a touch more humanity in his bones he wouldn't have stolen the laptop in the first place, but at least he left the professor's credit cards and money in the bag the laptop was stolen from. The only other thing that was stolen, bizarrely, was his library card.

It took a week for the professor to receive the USB stick in the post, containing all of the laptop's data, and presumably by then he'd replaced it with a new machine so he could reinstall everything.

ROFL @ "this story makes me feel hope for humanity". Now I want to steal dude's car and see if he sends me a reward for returning everything in the glove box and console. "I swear, the thieves these days. Did I tell you they broke into my house? Yeah, but they smashed a window instead of a door because they know they're cheaper to replace! Great guys."

Laptop Thief Mails Victim His Data On a USB Stick [gizmodo]

Thanks to Alan, who once had a laptop stolen, but back-traced the thief, informed the cyber-police, and the rest, my friends, are consequences that will never be the same.

Oct 18 2010 Study: Babies Mistake Robot For A Human

Wow, what a picture. Somebody must've opted for the deluxe package at Sears Portrait Studio!

A study at the University of Washington's Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences took a sample of 64 18-month-old babies, who were all tested individually. The experimental test had the babies sit on their parents' laps, facing a remote-controlled humanoid robot. Sitting next to the robot was Rechele Brooks, one of the researchers on the study. Brooks and the robot (controlled remotely by an unseen researcher) would then engage in a 90-second skit, in which Brooks interacted with the robot as if it was a child, asking questions like "Where is your tummy?" and "Where is your head?" The robot would in turn point to its different parts. The robot would also imitate a few arm movements, like waving back and forth.

The babies who watched this skit looked back and forth between the robot and Brooks as if "at a ping-pong match," said Brooks. After the skit, Brooks left the room, leaving the baby and the robot alone. The robot would then beep and shift slightly to get the baby's attention, and then turn to look at a nearby toy.

In 13 out of 16 cases, the baby would follow the robot's gaze, suggesting that the baby sees the robot as a sentient being, that what the robot looks at might be of interest to the baby as well. Babies at that age distinguish between, say, a swivel chair's movement and a person's movement, and will only follow the person. But in following the robot, the study suggests that the baby has decided that robot is a human being.

I'm not gonna lie, that doesn't even sound like a well-designed experiment. What it does sound like is child abuse. But what do I know? I'm just a man who was raised by super-intelligent beings from another galaxy to come save your sorry asses from the robots when the time arises. And you better hope I'm not on the john at said time. Because I sit there until my legs go numb and I'll be in no shape to fight robots for at least 20 minutes. 30 if I decide to make a snack after because I just cleared some room.

In New Study, Babies Think A Silvery Robot Is Human, As Long As It Acts Friendly [popsci]

Thanks to Mih0, Jeff and Kelly, who's babies will never mistake robots for people because they've got a little something I like to call Anti-Robot Intuition.

Oct 18 2010 Back Patting: My 7,000th Geekologie Article

BOOMSHACKALACKA -- this is my seven-thousandth article here on Geekologie. For those of you that aren't good at the maths, that's like a seven with forty 0's after (at least in my mind it is). You know, it seems like only yesterday I was nearing 1,000 posts and convinced I'd pretty much said everything my little brain had to tell. Little did I know I could stretch that feeling for another 6,000. So yeah, here I am Thomas the Tank Engining my way to 10,000 posts and my name engraved on the L337 blogger plaque at Internet Headquarters. There better be an open bar at my induction ceremony aside, feel free to drop a line (or deuce) in the comments telling me what a terrifically terrible job I've done the past three years. I don't usually read them, but I'll make an extra effort to this time. I may even respond under an alias! No, no I won't. But I will get black-out drunk celebrating this afternoon, so there's that. I'm already half a ream to the wind, whee!

Toot tootle toot (that was me warp-whistling my way straight to your heart),

The Geekologie Writer

Picture

Oct 18 2010 Well Folks, It's Official: Literature Is Dead

This is a real sign spotted at a Barnes & Noble bookstore. And the question of the hour is this: should we all be excited that kids are at least reading something, or disappointed THERE'S A F***ING 'TEEN PARANORMAL ROMANCE' GENRE? Option two, obviously. I swear, I'm so disgusted right now I could burn down Amazon. "GW, stop being stupid -- Amazon isn't even a real store." Oh yeah? Well you're not even a real person, so there. Don't believe me? Pinch your non-dominant arm as hard as you can. Haha, that's what you get!

Say hello to the newest for-real book section at Barnes & Noble [reddit]

Thanks to Ashley, who admitted to loving the Twilight series in her tip and officially dead to me. Zombie teen romance?! Please God no.

Oct 18 2010 GAH, BURN IT!: Japanese Singing/Dancing Robot (Now With More Back-Up Dancers!)

Note: Video of the chart-bottoming performance after the jump.

Can you tell which one is the robot? SPOILER: back left. Just kidding, it's the one with the silver legs, moron. Or is it? I thought they all were to be honest. If you're just joining us, you may not have heard of Yamaha's HRP-4C (older posts HERE, HERE and HERE). Well here she is again, this time working it on stage Britney Spears style provided Britney is a no-talent hack who can't do anything but waddle around on stage waving her arms, which is by far the most accurate comparison I've ever made. Now, does anybody else think there might actually be a person in that robot costume? Let's set it on fire and find out.

Hit the jump for the Japanese Pussycat Dolls.

Continue Reading " GAH, BURN IT!: Japanese Singing/Dancing Robot (Now With More Back-Up Dancers!) "

Oct 18 2010 Another Day, Another Creepy Fetish: Blow-Up Latex Alien Costumes

In the words and little-old-lady inflection of my favorite substitute teacher, Ms. Gitland, "different strokes for different folks, whatever floats your boat." That was the moral of the story she told about how her daughter lives in Bumf***, New Mexico and grows a bunch of weed but doesn't bother anybody so what's the harm. God intermediate Spanish was the shit. Plus when she wasn't looking we moved the clock forward so she'd let us out 15-minutes early. Did I mention at some point she wet her sweatpants? Because you could see it AND smell it. Ol' lady pee. Creepy fetish tie-in? I'm counting it!

Blowup latex alien costumes. They're...creepy. "But GW, you've got no room to talk -- aren't you the one that lusts after dinos?" NO RIGHT NOW I'M LUSTING AFTER YOU SHUTTING YOUR STUPID MOUTH. I do though, you're right. Should my own perversions stop me from judging others? Probably. But do they? Absolutely not. Now I know what you're thinking, "ZOMG -- you should start selling "GW Is Judging You" bracelets! And you know what? That might actually be the smartest thing you've ever said. Just don't let it go to your head, GWIJY.

Best Fetish Ever: Latex Alien Costumes [gearfuse]

Thanks to Kooter Pooter, who, wow -- I've never felt so dirty copy/pasting a name before.

Oct 18 2010 Magic Pool Creates Shapes Out Of Waves

This isn't particularly NEW news because we mentioned it back in 2006 when you weren't even kneehigh to a tadpole yet, but we've got video this time. And video, as you may well know, are the words of the future. So yeah, a Japanese pool that can create shapes out of waves. That's a kidney there. *whispering* Okay, my producer just told me this isn't a kidney, it's a heart. Haha, actually -- it may in fact be a pancreas.

It uses computer-controlled actuators that move the water in perfect synchronization. The computer software uses fluid dynamics algorithms to calculate the necessary motions. The whole think looks like a computer rendering, but it's real.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Finally, a way to write love letters to Ariel without smearing the ink! She, uh -- she still can't talk, right?

Hit for a worthwhile video of the magic in action.

Continue Reading " Magic Pool Creates Shapes Out Of Waves "

Oct 18 2010 LEGO In Real Life: 'Build Anything' LEGO Ad

'Build Anything' is an ad for LEGO created by artist Temujin Doran. It features things in real life made out of LEGO blocks. Like, oh I don't know, umbrellas and cafe tables. Per the mans himself:

This is an advert I made for Lego. It uses pieces from the stash my brother and I used to play with when we were younger, so perhaps it looks a bit dated compared with modern day Lego. Dated, but still great.

Ha, speaking of dated and still great: all my ex-girlfriends. Kidding, KIDDING -- they all suck ass and I hope they know it!

Hit the jump for a bunch more still-scenes from the ad, along with the actual 1:20 commercial.

Continue Reading " LEGO In Real Life: 'Build Anything' LEGO Ad "

Oct 15 2010 Soylent Reef: Fake Reef Made Out Of People

Not real people though. They're just molds of real people. It's not like their actual bones are in there. Maybe some teeth and toenails, sure, but no bones.

British artist Jason de Caires Taylor's Mexican installation and reef conservation project is for a fine cause. Taylor has 350 statues in place--all cast from real people--that will eventually sprout coral.

Taylor hopes that when his statues eventually bloom with coral--and they should, thanks to their carefully-neutralized pH levels--the attraction will divert tourists away from Cancun's natural reefs, which are being stressed to death by the over 750,000 people who crowd its coral and underwater creatures every year. The goal is to finish the artificial reef with 400 statues--adding up to 120 tons of concrete, secured 10 feet under the ocean's floor.

I've been to Cancun before. I didn't see this. Maybe it was because I went in '99. Or maybe it was because I went in a dream. There's really no telling these days. Am I really writing articles at 9PM on a Friday night, or am I only dreaming it? Actually doing it? F*** I'm a loser.

Hit the jump for a portrait of the whole group. Say barnacles!

Continue Reading " Soylent Reef: Fake Reef Made Out Of People "

Oct 15 2010 Pfft, Sissy: Russian Traffic Stop Gone Wrong

Note: The I'm not spoiling it video is after the jump.

If you haven't seen this yet you should watch it. I can't really say anything without ruining it except it all starts as a routine traffic stop (for driving with an odd number of headlights under two) in Russia [insert "in Soviet Russia, the police need you" joke here]. Any idea what's going to happen? Take a guess and then hit the jump to watch. Ooooor be a dick and ruin it for everybody else. Which -- female flasher falls out a speeding car's window! Haha, beat you to it! Just kidding, that's not what happens. That would be equally watchable though. Even more so in slow-mo.

Hit it and solve the mystery.

Continue Reading " Pfft, Sissy: Russian Traffic Stop Gone Wrong "

Oct 15 2010 You Dirty Liar: Steampunk Iron Man Costume Actually A Re-Purposed Tin Man Costume

Remember the rad to the power of sick steampunk Iron Man costume that took first place at NYCC's Marvel costume contest? Well it turns out the tricky little SOB behind the suit just repainted a Tin Man costume. I HOPE YOU GET TETANUS.

The suit was originally a steampunk Tin Man from the indie short film Heartless. Then the assistant to the director of the film repainted it, added some new touches and wore it to ComicCon.

The director was pretty pissed when he found out about it, but the two of them seem to be OK now.

Well thank God they kissed and made up, I'd hate for this thing to have ended in homicide. "Awh GW, you're just saying that so you don't seem like such a sicko." So sue me!

Update: steampunk Iron Man costume actually the Tin Man [dvice]

Oct 15 2010 Just Watch It: Amazing Video-Mapping Project Celebrates Clock Tower's 600th Anniversary

Note: Must-see video is after the jump.

To celebrate the 600-year anniversary of the Old Town Square astrological clock tower in the center of Prague, the city commissioned a video-mapping (other examples of video mapping HERE and HERE) stunt spectacular lightshow to blow your f***ing socks off, back on, then off again and catch fire. Just watch it. It's like magic going off in your eyeballs, if you know what that feels like. No? Well have you ever inhaled a fairy? No? Blown a gnome? Don't lie!

Hit the jump for 10:00 of amazingness. You can skip around, but I wouldn't if I were you. Bill the man for all ten minutes.

Continue Reading " Just Watch It: Amazing Video-Mapping Project Celebrates Clock Tower's 600th Anniversary "

Oct 15 2010 Deadly Decor: Furniture Fashioned From Decommissioned Russian Naval Mines

Whatever you do, be careful where you sit. Get it? Because you might blow your asscheeks off! I mean, if the mines weren't decommissioned. But since they are, all you have to worry about is sitting on one of the spikey bits. Unless you're into that, in which case so am I and you'd be surprised how many of us "depth chargers" there are in the world.

...an Estonian sculptor named Mati Karmin is doing wonders with the Russian AGSB-type sea mines found off the coast of his homeland. One of the best-known sculptors of Estonia, Karmin began with his marine mine furniture project five years ago. He is giving a new life to the old naval mines as contemporary furniture units, which include desks, fireplaces, chairs, tables, bathtubs, toilets, aquariums, bar cabinets and LED chandeliers. Karmin uses mines as modules and the entire furniture series comprises only two existing basic forms of mines - the hemisphere and the cylinder.

I actually really like it. So much, in fact, I had an entire living room set made. It's always the first thing anybody comments on when they come over (provided my wiener isn't hanging out of my bathrobe). I even had a famous Hollywood director try to buy them off me once. He said, "how much for the furniture, I want it all." And you know what I said? Wait for it -- wait for it -- you can't have it, it's mine. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Slaying me: I'm doing it. I'm serious, don't try to talk me out of it this time.

Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups of the individual pieces.

Continue Reading " Deadly Decor: Furniture Fashioned From Decommissioned Russian Naval Mines "

Oct 15 2010 I Will Stab You For It: $8 Million iPhone Case

A $20K iPhone case? Pfft, what are we, peasants? A $2.5 million one? Please, I've wiped with nicer cell phone cases just because I didn't feel like waddling out to the hall closet for more TP.

The world's most expensive phone with a total construction cost of £5 million ($8M). The bezel is handmade from rose with approx 500 individual flawless diamonds which total over 100ct.The rear section is formed using rose gold with the added touch of its rose gold Apple logo and 53 diamonds. The main navigation is made from platinum which holds a single cut 7.4ct pink diamond. The chest which houses this unique handset is made from a single block of Granite, in Imperial Pink with the inner lined with Nubuck top grain leather , which weight is a massive 7kg (~15lbs).The handset is 32gb and limited edition of only 2 to be ever made.

Some bones to pick: 1) if it really cost $8 million to construct like you said, why are you selling them for $8 million? Out of the goodness of your blood-diamond beating heart? DON'T YOU LIE TO ME! 2) The phone comes with a 15lb granite storage box? Because I'm not gonna lie, that's a little heavy to carry around if you're not a hoss like me. Also, probably not the best storage solution for a phone with existing reception problems. I'M JUST SAYING! "Actually GW, you were yelling." God I hate you so much right now.

Hit the jump for two more shots, including the storage rock.

Continue Reading " I Will Stab You For It: $8 Million iPhone Case "

Oct 15 2010 A Day In The Life Of Internet Commenters

The internet is a funny place. Kidding, it's mostly depressing. And not "you caught yourself laughing at a little fat girl for falling off her bike" depressing, like actually depressing. Like if I took the time to read all the Geekologie comments I'd probably put both my hands in a garbage disposal so I could never write again. "DO IT LOSER -- YOU SUCK ROBOTIC PEEN ANYWAY! OLD! F1RST! NOT FUNNY! SEX WITH ALL YOUR RELATIVES!!11111" See? That's exactly what I'm talking about. *dives into sink*

Internet Commenter Cycle [collegehumor]

Thanks to notthelimejuice and Hanna Barbarian, who only leave comments relevant to the post. HA, RIGHT!

Oct 15 2010 I'd Still Live There Even If Bears Attacked

This is a sweet-ass treehouse that I would live in even if it meant fighting off legions of robotic bears in the dead of night. We'll just have to add night-vision to the laser turrets, no biggie. It looks like 50% Ewok village, 50% that giant stick-ball thing they were trying to build in the movie version of Where the Wild Things Are, and 100% no privacy if you ever get the itch to play with yourself. And you're going to. "Uh, GW? That's why blankets were invented." And no that is not why blankets were invented. As a matter of fact, blankets weren't even invented, they've just always been here. So yeah -- put that in your gravity bong and smoke it and then spill dirty water all over the carpet and tell your mom the aquarium must have a leak and to preheat the oven for fish sticks.

Image of the Day: this is one awesome treehouse [dvice]

Oct 14 2010 Can Shooting A Bullet Into Ice Cause It To Stop And Spin Like A Top? SPOILER: Yes

Note: No matter how many times you try clicking the picture, nothing's going to happen. Hit the jump to watch the video.

"GW, that has got the be the most boring-ass screencap of all time". Come on, it looks like Hoth! "Your face looks like a Wampa". Ouch, you're being really mean today. And I like it. You see, I don't know if you knew this about me, but I'm a masochist. It's true, I can't even get off anymore unless I've been shot. SNAP -- a wild tie-in appeared!

Apparently, Mythbusters is going to film a segment to test the incredible case of the spinning bullet on ice. Many people are discussing if this is possible or not. After watching it repeatedly and reading the arguments, I believe it.

Some people say that this is impossible. How can a .40 caliber bullet stop on the ice like that, losing all its forward momentum and still keep spinning? I don't know the what the physics are, but the video is pretty clear and I don't see any way of faking that, which is probably why Mythbusters is going to put it to the test.

I watched the video in question several times, and it looks legit. Then, because I'm such an intrepid reporter, I searched Youtube for other people trying it, whose attempts also seemed legit. But that's not important, what's important is how many people are gonna shoot themselves trying it. I suspect in the tens.

Hit it for the WTFery.

Continue Reading " Can Shooting A Bullet Into Ice Cause It To Stop And Spin Like A Top? SPOILER: Yes "

Oct 14 2010 Needs More Wayfarers: Hipster Harry Potter

This is picture of hipster-ized Harry Potter and friends by deviantARTist MARiKaArt. I'm really feeling Bella's sweater. Huh? Oh, this isn't Twilight? Sorry, sometimes I get my multi-billion dollar franchises confused. Now, what do you say we head down to McDonalds for some lunch? Whopper Jr's and Frosties, my treat!

MARiKaArt's DeviantART

Thanks to Shannon, who likes bicycles, esoteric bands, photography AND irony. Look at you, little Ms. Whole Package!

Oct 14 2010 You're So Hard: Train Surfing NYC's Subways

This is a two-minute video of some dingaling crawling on top of a NYC subway at the 80th Street/Hudson Street station (I'm observant) and riding it to the next one. I have no idea why, but I think it's to promote his rap career because at the end he does mention, "the name is 537, I'm a rappa slash street-runner. Don't forget me". First of all, there's absolutely no way your parents named you 537. Secondly, I happened to watch the freestyle rap video you posted on your Youtube channel, and I'm not gonna lie: the highlight was your sister popping around the corner for a cameo. Just sayin', might want to stick to subway surfing (I've got some contacts at Red Bull if you're looking for sponsorship).

Both videos included after the Kris Kros will make you jump, jump -- uh-huh, uh-huh. Sorry -- I'm a bit of a rapper myself!

Continue Reading " You're So Hard: Train Surfing NYC's Subways "

Oct 14 2010 Great, More Pieces To Lose: A LEGO Wiimote

Listen, I love LEGO as much as the next guy who's tried eating a bowl of them with milk (successfully I might add), but I'm on the fence about this LEGO Wiimote. Like, literally -- I've got a fencepost trying to sneak its way right between my buttcheeks. I'm kind of diggin' it.

A fully functional Wii remote, the Lego Play and Build remote incorporates the full range of buttons and motion tracking technologies, but uses custom casing that allows users to personalize their controller. It comes with two interchangeable battery covers and 31 mini LEGO tiles. It is fully compatible with Wii MotionPlus, and includes an internal speaker and rumble effects.

The LEGO Play and Build Remote will be available later this week for $39.99, exclusively at Toys R Us.

Well thank God it's a fully functional remote. Because for a second there I thought it might only be a moderately functional remote. And a moderately functional anything, my friends, is just a nice way of saying broken.

Hit the jump for several more shots and a link to the Toys R Us product page.

Continue Reading " Great, More Pieces To Lose: A LEGO Wiimote "

Oct 14 2010 Coooool!: Video Of T-Rex Skeleton Walking

Note: Videos are after the jump. Use those little arms of yours and push the button.

I happen to know how t-rex's walk (bow-legged) because I've traveled back in time and had sex with dozens thousands of them, but this is a pretty accurate representation. They also like to watch Friends reruns and smoke fern cigarettes after a sessy romp in the swamp. So yeah -- put that in your paleontology textbook and burn it, Dr. Alan Grant! Also, are any of you surprised about how human-like the movement is?...
...
...
Anybody want to pin on a dino tail and get chased around my apartment?

Hit the jump for the two videos of the ass-struttin' in action.

Continue Reading " Coooool!: Video Of T-Rex Skeleton Walking "

Oct 14 2010 Jonathan The Zombie Would Be Piiiiiissed: Guy Attaches Wire Handles To Pet Turtles

Some jerk went and drilled holes through the shells of his pet turtles so that he could attach wire handles to them and pick them up easier. But turtles don't even like being coddled! Master Splinter, yes.

"They do have nerves in their shells, so it would have been painful for them when they were drilled," says Hopcraft.

Hopcraft says the tortoise appears to be underweight and is unable to walk without dragging its shell on the ground, while the turtle's claws and beak are overgrown.

Marcie Moriarty, an investigator with the B.C. SPCA, called it "accessorizing to the extreme."

"Clearly, this shows a person who has no respect for animals and no knowledge on how to care for them," Moriarty says.

The SPCA has launched a full investigation, which will also look into other animals the Delta man owns, before recommending animal cruelty charges to Crown counsel.

Throw the book at him! Or, better yet: a giant f***ing rock. Actually, don't even throw it, just push it off a cliff. "And smash him like Piggy?" DAMN YEAH AND SMASH HIM LIKE PIGGY! Lord of the Flies? Pfft -- LORD OF THE TURTLES! Now quick Leonardo, put your back into it -- here he comes.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the sadness.

Continue Reading " Jonathan The Zombie Would Be Piiiiiissed: Guy Attaches Wire Handles To Pet Turtles "

Oct 14 2010 I'm Not Gonna Lie, That Is Kinda Supermanly

And if it wasn't for your face getting in the way it might actually be cool. Who are you, Clark Kent's little brother that ate too many kryptonite paint chips growing up? Also, those are some small-ass nipples. I wish I had little nipples like that. Mine are so big they take up part of my armpits. Not even kidding. One time we were doing jumping jacks in P.E. and I started squirting milk. Okay, that part I made up. It was creamer.

College: Superman's College Years [awkwardschoolpictures]

Oct 14 2010 You've Got To Be Kidding Me!: Scientists Experiment With A Human-Punching Robot

Man, scientists be all kinds of pissin' me off lately. I may have to start siding with the Juggalos on this one. Thing is, I really don't know how magnets work. I always thought there were tiny wizards in there. Anyway, a group of Slovenian "scientists" are ignorning Asimov's first rule of robotics and having a robot punch the shit out of humans. Possibly literally! (I know I would)

There [Slovenia], a powerful robot has been hitting people over and over again in a bid to induce anything from mild to unbearable pain....

But the robo-battering is all in a good cause, insists Borut Povše, who has ethical approval for the work from the University of Ljubljana, where he conducted the research. He has persuaded six male colleagues to let a powerful industrial robot repeatedly strike them on the arm, to assess human-robot pain thresholds.

It's not because he thinks the first law of robotics is too constraining to be of any practical use, but rather to help future robots adhere to the rule. "Even robots designed to Asimov's laws can collide with people. We are trying to make sure that when they do, the collision is not too powerful," Povše says. "We are taking the first steps to defining the limits of the speed and acceleration of robots, and the ideal size and shape of the tools they use, so they can safely interact with humans."

Really? The University of Lubjubjama? Because based on the name alone I'm not sure they have the authority to be passing out ethical approvals. OR diplomas. Flyers for furniture liquidation sales maybe.

Robot arm punches human to obey Asimov's rules [newscientist]
and
Robots learning our pain threshold by punching humans and seeing if they cry [engadget]

Thanks to Jon, Dj Azer, EroticHamster, Kevin, Juan, Oli4, Kara and Schmitty, who would knock a robot's block off before ever getting punched by one.

Oct 13 2010 North America Actually A Slumbering Dragon!

And it probably used to battle that South America/Africa T-rex. Plus guard Greenland's treasure-trove. Kidding, there is no treasure in Greenland. Actually, there isn't much of anything in Greenland except Yetis and cold. No, I suspect this dragon is guarding something much more valuable in its stomach. "Uh, GW -- is that why you're posted up in LA right by its @$$hole?" And as a matter of fact, yes, I'm waiting for him to pass a princess.

Cannot Be Unseen of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Oct 13 2010 Real Vampires Suck Homeless Man's Blood

Proving that real vampires aren't attractive and that Edward Cullen character is just a guy who spends waaaay too much time in the makeup aisle at Target, come these two real-life vampires. Apparently they had some deal worked out with a homeless guy to occasionally suck his blood in return for shelter, but one day Homeless Joe decided he wasn't having it anymore. And that's when things got really interesting (like they weren't already!).

Recently, however, Mr Mayley decided that he would take himself off the menu for 24-year-old Aaron Homer and 21-year-old Amanda Williamson, who sometimes let Mr Mayley reside in their property. Unfortunately, the blood-sucking duo was not willing to dine out that evening and the couple attacked Mr Mayley despite his protests.

According to reports, instead of allowing Mr Homer and Ms Williamson to feed off his bloodstream, Mr Mayley sought to verbally mock the pair, which was arguably not very sensible in the circumstances. Taking objection to Mr Mayley's rejection and cruel taunts, Mr Homer is alleged to have armed himself with a knife and viciously stabbed the homeless man. It has been suggested that, in the process of defending his partner's honour, Mr Homer was keen on acquiring a free lunch. However, the feast was cut short when police officers attended the scene after being called out by concerned firefighters, who were in the neighbourhood on an emergency call and happened to notice a trail of blood outside Mr Homer's home.

Hoooooooly shit! Now I'm not saying the Twilight series is to blame here, but you and I both know it is. How long do you really think a Twihard can go before they start getting curious about blood-glugging? Because I already read one story about a girl making out with her husky pretending it was Jacob, so you know it can't be long (I bit my brother halfway through the second chapter).

Homeless Man Stabbed by 'Vampires' [first4lawyers]
and
Blood-sucking 'vampires' arrested for attacking homeless man with knife in Arizona, police say [nydailynews]

Thanks to Melissa, who wooden stakes strangers in the heart just to see if they're vampires. You, uh, do know that'll kill humans too, right? Just kidding!

Oct 13 2010 Another Day, Another Jackass Dressed As A Superhero Robs A Store: Batman Does McD's

Apparently Batman (who's a known fast-food thief) robbed a McDonalds in San Francisco last night. Why San Francisco? Because he and Robin retired there to ride rainbows to their hearts' content. But apparently the dong-loving duo have fallen on hard times. Double entendre, I'm counting it.

A man wearing a Batman mask stormed the restaurant at 522 El Camino Real around 9 p.m. and demanded money from the restaurant manager, police said. He fled with an undetermined amount of cash from the restaurant's office, police said.

The one-time hero seemed in desperate condition. Apparently struggling in this economy to make monthly payments on his slick Batmobile, the Dark Knight fled the crime scene in a silver, 2-door Honda, police said.

Question was also raised about Batman's dental insurance. The restaurant manager told cops that the masked robber wore "false vampire teeth" during the raid, police said.

God that's depressing. What's next, stealing electricity? Because I do that. My neighbors never use their balcony so I ran an extension cord from their outside plug right into my living room. They pay every time I use my entertainment center! Plus, even if they do find out they won't tell because I've already threatened to kill them several times. In song.

Batman hits bottom, robs McDonald's in Belmont [sfexaminer]

Thanks to John, who doesn't do fast food because he likes to take his time and chew. Chewing, HA, you're so 20th century. Now, where'd I put those cheeseburger pills?

Oct 13 2010 Conversacube: Never An Awkward Moment

The Conversacube is a make-believe product that prevents stagnant conversation on a date by providing constant suggestions of things to say to the troll your mom set you up with. "Your eyes, they're just so....far apart."

Lauren McCarthy's idea seems harmless enough - a gadget that helps people be more sociable. Hell, if this thing was real it's definitely something you and your date can talk about.

It would also have family and kids versions, both of which are equally ridiculous. I'm pretty sure this is a commentary on how reliant people can be on technology and how some people are becoming more used to digital means of socializing than with physical or face-to-face interaction. Because as a serious concept this thing is just sad.

Listen: I 100% agree with the commentary that technology is making it more difficult for some people to function in social situations. And that is EXACTLY why I'm opening a school that teaches folks how to be social. It's gonna be called the 'Geekologie Writer's Non-nonprofit Institute for a Personable Society'. Sign up today, space in GW's NIPS is extremely limited (they're like the size of dried apricots).

Hit the jump for the cube in action on a date.

Continue Reading " Conversacube: Never An Awkward Moment "

Oct 13 2010 Cramped: The Chilean Mine Rescue Capsule

In case you haven't seen it splattered all over the news because you don't believe mainstream media (and you shouldn't), here's one of the rescue capsules that's currently being used to pull the 33 trapped Chilean miners from the darkness almost 1/2 mile below. Did I mention it's only 21.25 inches in diameter? Because it is. Now I know what you're thinking, "OMG, they'd have to leave me down there!" I'm afraid so.

This Is the Coffin That Will Save the Miners [gizmodo]

Thanks to ACORNSTU, who would have dug his own tunnel to the surface because he was raised by mole-people. Oooh oooh -- let's burrow to China!

Oct 13 2010 Decisions, Decisions: Superhero(es) Cake

Can't decide which superhero you want on your cake? No problem -- just slap a bunch on there! Just don't slap Hulk's ass, because he can and will get angry ON YOUR FACE. Robin? Not so much.

"Holy tweaked nips, Batman -- you could cut glass with those things!"
"I know, Robin, just a little something Catwoman taught me from her jewelry-heist days."
....
"Hey Batman?"
"Yes Robin?"
"Wanna shower together?"
"To the bat-throom!"

Action Figures Cake [buzzfeed]

Thanks to RaptorJesus, hands down the sexiest religious figure for 75-million years and counting.

Oct 13 2010 Ladies?: Dress Colors Itself With Dripping Ink

The Pseudomorph dress is the brainchild of Dutch fashionista (damn yeah I use words like that!) Anouk Wipprecht. As the dress is worn, it colors itself with dripping ink. How exactly does it work? Well let me tell you copy/paste something. *ahem*

Today was a sad night. I rearranged all my bath salts on the side of the tub and then made a microwavable burrito. Even though I turned it every 30-seconds, it still came out frozen in the middle. I think I chipped a tooth. Then, when I out having my nightly cry on the balcony, I saw a bird get hit by a car.

Woops, that was my diary. Oooh -- here we go:

[Wipprecht] came up with a unique way to keep women fashion forward by creating a system of pneumatic control valves within a neck-piece that pump ink designs into absorbent dress material. The electronic circuits fitted on the back of the neck-piece are powered by a single 9 Volt battery.

Anybody else find it a little too coincidental that the designer's name is Wipprecht, which -- now hear me out -- is eerily similar to Rorschach, maker of the famous inkblot tests? No? Not really that similar? But both of their things use ink! I'M DRAWING SOME SERIOUS PARALLELS OVER HERE! "Jesus, stop wake-and-baking, GW." Oh now you're just being mean. Also, that dress looks straight out of a Maxi-Pad commercial.

Hit the jump for a video demonstration of haute couture being made.

Continue Reading " Ladies?: Dress Colors Itself With Dripping Ink "

Oct 13 2010 Learning By Listening: The Elements Song

They should really teach the elements song in school. Then maybe today's youth wouldn't be so stupid. No lie, I asked a kid at the mall yesterday to go in and buy me a novelty shirt from Hot Topik what his favorite element was, and you know what he said? Plastic. F***ing plastic! WHO'S FAVORITE ELEMENT IS PLASTIC?! Mine's styrofoam. Also, I really hope the girl in the bottom corner doesn't read Geekologie, but I'm pretty sure she forgot the words to the song. YOU WILL NEVER BE A HARAJUKU GIRL!

Hit the jump to get your learn on.

Continue Reading " Learning By Listening: The Elements Song "

Oct 12 2010 Video Game Road Rage: Man Runs Girlfriend Off Road For Taking His Playstation Away

Darren Suchon is a 42-year old man. An unemployed 42-year old man who likes lying around all day playing Playstation (who doesn't?!). Unfortunately, his live-in girlfriend (wait -- WHAT?!) wasn't so keen on the idea and took his console away from him. RUH-ROH!

Colleen Frable became so angry her unemployed boyfriend was spending the day playing video games, she decided to break his habit by taking the PlayStation with her to work Friday, she told Lehigh Township police.

Police said her live-in boyfriend, Darren Suchon, 42, became so enraged that he followed Frable's vehicle from their home near Palmerton on Route 248 to Lehigh Township, where he forced her vehicle off the road and rear-ended it while driving her 1996 gold Porsche sports car, all in an effort to get the video game system back.

Suchon...now faces a host of charges, including simple assault, reckless endangerment, harassment, disorderly conduct, reckless driving and driving with a suspended or revoked license. He was sent to Northampton County Prison under $25,000 bail.

Wow, it sounds like somebody was determined to play Grand Theft Auto! Get it? Me neither, time to get drunk.

Unemployed Carbon County man runs girlfriend off road for taking video game system, police say [mcall]

Thanks to Shenanigans, who would have taken the opportunity to go out and look for a job. Ooooor call the police and report a stolen vehicle.

Oct 12 2010 Those w/ Motion Sickness Please Look Away

Stare at the center of the spinner for 30-seconds and then immediately look away from your monitor at your hand. What'd you see? Because I saw my fingers going all nitrous "WAH WAH WAH" on me, and then vomit coming out from under my nose. After that, my eyes got watery. MAGICALZ!

Optical Illusion of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Oct 12 2010 Tetanus Hazard: Steampunk'd Iron Man

This is the steampunk Iron Man that won Marvel's costume contest at the recent New York Comic Con. I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty damn impressive. Plus sessy. You ever made love to a Victorian-age superhero before? I haven't, but I did make out with somebody's grandma once. She looked at least 150.

Kickass Cosplay of the Day [thedailywh.at]
via
Steampunk Iron Man costume makes me long for an 1800's Iron Man [dvice]

Thanks to Joseph, who may or may not have looked after Jesus until he was old enough to walk (on water). And to dandroid, who I won't hesitate to stab with a screwdriver if he starts BEEP BOOP BOPPING at me.

Oct 12 2010 Bookmark Geekologie!: Homeless Computing

Living in LA, I'm no stranger to the homeless. Like, literally -- they're my kind of people: crazy as f*** and willing to piss on anything. That said, dude you got a Dell! I would have opted for a refrigerator box, but hey, to each their own. One time I traded a clove to a bum for a cupped handful of cognac. True story.

He May Be Homeless, But At Least He Has Facebook [gizmodo]

Thanks to zombiepartz, who once gave a bum $4 and told him to spend it all on booze. I do the same!

Oct 12 2010 Piggybacking Plumber: Mario Plush Backpack

An $18 plush Mario backpack: arguably the best deal I've posted on Geekologie in awhile (not including the time I offered up a kidney for a mouthful of a beer).

Take home this cute Super Mario Bros. Mario Plush Backpack today! The backpack features Mario in classic attire. Mario measures approximately 16-inches tall x 8-inches wide.

You've spent a lot of time with Mario, learning typing, being kidnapped by ghosts, saving princesses, and of course, driving around in go-karts. Now he can ride around on your back! Pick up the Nintendo Super Mario Bros. Mario Plush Backpack and show everyone at PAX next year just how much you love Japan's favorite plumber. If you prefer dinosaurs, you might want to see the Nintendo Super Mario Bros. Yoshi Plush Backpack, too!

OMG I do prefer dinosaurs! Tell me -- is the large compartment big enough to fit a sausage? Yes? Cool, now what about two sausages? "Whoa whoa whoa -- the GW swings both ways?!" Both ways? I swing like I just did a bat spin! (read: all the ways)

Hit the jump for a picture of the Yoshi model and a link to the product pages, both of which are currently out of stock :(

Continue Reading " Piggybacking Plumber: Mario Plush Backpack "

Oct 12 2010 Security: Biometric Ear Scanners Coming?

Aural fetish "scientists" at the University of South Hampton claim they've developed a biometric ear scanner than can identify individuals with almost perfect accuracy. I'm skeptical, but still cutting both my ears off tonight. Suck it, Van Gogh -- GO BIG OR GO HOME!

Biometric scientists at the University of Southampton say they can identify ears with a 100% success rate.

In a new paper, scientists from the University's School of Electronics and Computer Science (ECS) described how a technique called the image ray transform can highlight tubular structures such as ears, making it possible to identify them.

The research describes how the transform is capable of highlighting tubular structures such as the helix of the ear and spectacle frames and, by exploiting the elliptical shape of the helix, can be used as the basis of a method for enrolment for ear biometrics.

So....ears are the new snowflakes? Or are snowflakes the new ears? Neither dummy -- snowflakes and ears are completely unrelated. Let me guess, you failed the analogies part of your IQ test, didn't you? GW : the internet :: Wizard : Oz. PUT THAT IN YOUR YELLOW BRICKS AND BUILD A HOUSE OUT OF IT, THIRD LITTLE PIG!

Biometrics: Identifying People By Their Ears [science20]

Thanks to The Emortal, who is to Geekologie tips like my ex is to death threats.

Oct 12 2010 I Like 'Em Hairy!: Oven-Baked Edible Spiders

In reality, everything is edible, it might just be your last meal. Plutonium? You CAN put it in your mouth. Spiders too, except they probably WON'T kill you. But they will lay eggs in your tonsils! Haha -- have fun dreaming about that one tonight! Anyway, oven-baked edible tarantulas: so hairy going down.

Right now you're wondering if this tarantula is real. Yup! Every Oven-Baked Tarantula is baked in its native Cambodia, and collected from monitored sources (to protect the tarantula's natural population). Each one is baked, crunchy, and just a little hairy - but ready to eat right out of the package. Just don't forget to remove the fangs first. Then, enjoy your yummy Cambodian delicacy - your very own Oven-Baked Tarantula.

ThinkGeek is currently out of stock but will be selling the salty spiders for $25 apiece when they restock. Which, according to my calculations, is a billion percent markup from what you'd expect to pay in Cambodia. Anybody else smell a profitable business venture?! No? Just dog farts? Dammit Chloe, not right by my head!

ThinkGeek Product Site

Thanks to Tiffany, who actually drinks spider venom. I'm, uh, I'm pretty sure that makes you a witch.

Oct 12 2010 Virgin Galactic's Enterprise (Spaceship To The Rich) Makes First Solo Test Flight

Virgin Galactic, best known for making me chuckle every time I hear it because I'm seven and refuse to grow up (I buy black market fairy dust from this geezer named Tootles), successfully tested their suborbital spaceship over the weekend. Just not in space. Baby steps, yo! Haven't you seen What About Bob?

On Sunday, the Enterprise was carried to an altitude of 45,000 feet by a larger "mothership," and was then successfully released for a long, slow glide back to the Mojave Air and Space Port. The solo test flight is a step towards the day when the Enterprise will carry not only test pilots but also six space tourists up to the edge of space, where they'll experience a few precious moments of weightlessness and a killer view.

When it eventually enters service, Enterprise will be carried to its launch altitude by the "Eve" carrier plane before being released in mid-air. Enterprise will then ignite its single hybrid rocket engine to make the ascent to space. Although Eve and Enterprise have made several test flights together, Sunday was the first time the spaceplane had been released at altitude.

A seat on the Enterprise will cost $200,000, and apparently people are willing to pay up: Virgin Galactic has reportedly taken deposits from 370 customers thus far.

Holy guacamole/con queso that's an expensive-ass flight. Please tell me each ticket come with a mile-high HJ. Haha, what do you mean, "space is way higher than a mile"? YOU'RE WAY HIGHER THAN A MILE AND I'M GONNA TELL YOUR MOM! Ooooor watch her do the dishes through the kitchen window and play with myself.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the high-flying action.

Continue Reading " Virgin Galactic's Enterprise (Spaceship To The Rich) Makes First Solo Test Flight "

Oct 12 2010 You Stupid Robot: Bumblebee Crashes Into DC Cop During Filming Of Transformers 3

Apparently a DC cop responding to a call managed to make his way through the closed set of Transformers 3 and ended up taking Bumblebee to Plow Town during an unscripted scene of auto-eroticism. Woopsie.

While the movie was filming a car chase scene on 3rd Street and Maryland Ave in southwest D.C., the police SUV collides with a yellow Chevy Camaro, which in the movie series is known as the character Bumblebee.

The police SUV was not supposed to be there and the wreck itself was not scripted.

The police officer driving the SUV is a veteran bomb technician. He was taken to a local hospital and sustained minor injuries.

Sources tell FOX 5 that he was running to a call to 9th and F Street and was apparently using a different radio channel than the police officers who were securing the perimeter for the movie.

I, for one, applaud this man for "accidentally" taking out Bumblebee. Real smooth. Plus he's a bomb technician. You know, I could really use someone like you on my team. That said, who knew they're making another Transformers movie? Did Michael Bay not get the memo about me not even seeing the second one? YOU DUN GOOFED, MIKE!

Hit the jump for a video of the crash.

Continue Reading " You Stupid Robot: Bumblebee Crashes Into DC Cop During Filming Of Transformers 3 "

Oct 11 2010 Fighting With Hot Air: In Soviet Russia Army Tanks Blow Up You You Blow Up Tanks

Inflatable tanks were used in both world wars so this isn't exactly new news but I'm posting it anyway with the hopes Russia sends me some free vodka for the good publicity. So, yeah -- Russia has ordered a boatload of blow-up army vehicles at a cost of almost $3,200 per piece. Tell me -- how much are you currently spending on assault rifles? Because I have a truckful of slingshots AND THEY ARE PRICED TO SELL, RUSKIES!

The purchase has drawn sharp criticism from military analysts, who say the Kremlin should be spending its oil wealth on buying real military hardware rather than rubber copies.

"Inflatable military hardware is most effective in conflict situations when there is a need to confuse the enemy," the daily Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper argued on Tuesday. "But at a time of peace, duping foreign intelligence networks with such expensive toys is a questionable luxury."

The precise number of rubber models ordered by Russia's defence ministry is a military secret, but the inflatable missiles are expected to be ready by the end of next year.

First of all, are other nation's reconnaissance equipment really not capable of differentiating between a blow-up tank and a real one? Slap some metal-detectors on those suckers, yo! Secondly, blow-up tanks are all fun and games until somebody says, "You know what? Let's invade anyway." Then what happens? Exactly, all your blow-up dolls get popped. And when blow-up dolls get popped, my friend, love no longer gets made. "WOW! AMAZING 'MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR' TIE-IN, GW!" Huh? WTF are you talking abo--- oh right, yeah I did that on purpose.

Russia orders £2000 inflatable copies of planes, tanks and missiles to fool enemies [telegraph]

Thanks to Grava and Disposablesteve, who made the decision easy for me. Disposablesteve -- you'll go in first and act as cannon fodder while Grava and I bring up the rear.

Oct 11 2010 How Do You Stack Up?: The Wiener Chart

Note: Viagra-sized version of the chart HERE.

This is a chart showing women's preferences of various sized wieners. Basically you want to fall into the red-hot or sessy-magenta zones, which is a shame because I'm way off the chart in the upper right. Like, a mile off. As a matter of fact, the more I think about it, my wiener can't even fit on a 2-D chart. THIS MANHAMMER NEEDS A Z-AXIS, SON!

Hit the jump for another variation of the chart.

Continue Reading " How Do You Stack Up?: The Wiener Chart "

Oct 11 2010 Darth Fairy Princess: Luke, I Know This Is Gonna Sound Wierd, But I'm Your Daughter

Some loving mother made her daughter a pink "fairy princess" Darth Vader costume to wear in this year's Dragon*Con parade. Good looking, mom. It's nice to know not every mother these days is cool sending their young daughter out the door in a golden bikini. Just sayin', not only are my daughters not allowed to leave the house until they're 30 (and then only with chain-mail and parkas on), I've been frying my balls with a hot laptop for three years straight now so I don't have any in the first place. Only boys are escaping these nuts!

Hit the jump for a bunch more shots of the costume.

Continue Reading " Darth Fairy Princess: Luke, I Know This Is Gonna Sound Wierd, But I'm Your Daughter "

Oct 11 2010 Gum Ain't Classy!: Crazy-Ass High Heels

Kobi Levi is a shoe designer. One who created a pair of high-heels that make it look like you just stepped in gum. Ooh ooh -- do dog shit next!

designer kobi levi specializes in designing unusual footwear that blurs the line between fashion and art. levi graduated from bezalel academy of art & design, jerusalem and has worked as a freelance designer since. he describes his personal shoe creations as 'artistic footwear' making each pair in his studio by hand. 'the shoe is my canvas. the trigger to create a new piece comes when an idea, a concept and/or an image comes to mind. the combination of the image and footwearcreates a new hybrid and the design/concept comes to life. the piece is a wearable sculpture.'

Bro -- you design shoes, there's no reason to get all hoity-toity about it. I write a blog but you don't hear me pontificating about how Geekologie belongs in an art museum and reading its articles has been likened to having your eyeballs sexed by a well endowed angel (possibly Samson). Do I? I don't. But f*** that sounded good -- I might start.

Hit the jump for several more and a link to even more (including a really dirty one!) if you're into fancy footwear.

Continue Reading " Gum Ain't Classy!: Crazy-Ass High Heels "

Oct 11 2010 But My Math Classes Were Boring: Alegebra Teacher Goes Nuts, Starts Throwing Chairs

This is horribly crappy camera-phone video of a teacher going nuts on some high school students and eventually throwing chairs, including one through a window. You don't actually see too much on account of the camera-phoner sucking 200% at life AND videography, but you can certainly hear something. Mostly distortion.

A teacher was removed from McGavock High School after a bizarre incident in a classroom that forced the principal to call parents and explain what happened.

The incident happened in Donald Wood's 11th grade algebra class Friday. Video shot by a student in class showed Wood throwing two tables, a garbage can and a chair.

The video starts with Wood telling a group of laughing students to "shut up."

After standing quietly for about 20 seconds while students laughed, Wood waved his arms and said, "If you can be absolutely quiet... if you can shut your mouth... you can shut your mouth and you can listen in absolute silence... do you know why? Cause I have the absolute..."

Now I'm not saying Apeshit for Algebra here is justified, but I am saying I can't stand kids these day and would have made them all stand in the corner with dunce caps on just like at the end of Blair Witch Project. Woops. Retroactive spoiler alert!

Hit the jump for 2:00 of motion sickness.

Continue Reading " But My Math Classes Were Boring: Alegebra Teacher Goes Nuts, Starts Throwing Chairs "

Oct 11 2010 Uh-Oh: Google Develops Self-Driving Vehicles

Google, a company best known for originally being named Booble, has been secretly developing self-driving vehicles behind our backs. Also, testing them on the roads of California without warning. Pull over, you're under arres....WTF!?

Google announced Sunday that it has developed cars that drive themselves automatically in traffic, and that it has been testing them on the streets of California for months.

Each car is manned during the tests. One person sits in the driver's seat, ready to take control of the vehicle instantly by grabbing the wheel or touch the brake should something go wrong with the system. The person in the passenger's seat is an engineer who monitors the software operations on a computer.

The most optimistic projections put this technology at least eight years away from market, though. Legal hassles are among the myriad problems; all of the current traffic laws assume that a human driver is present in the vehicle.

Google put over 140,000 miles on the self-driving vehicles with only a single accident -- getting rear-ended by a driver (presumably female) at a stoplight. BOOM -- sexist driving joke! (Says the man who has to pay $260/month for car insurance)

Google is testing cars that drive themselves [cnn]

Thanks to Braden, slugamo, Patrick and Bret, who agree teaching cats to drive would be way cooler. Plus safer if you can train them to not chase squirrels.

Oct 11 2010 Willy Wonka '3-Course Meal' Gum A Reality?

Remember the scene (that I so lovingly screencapped) from Willy Wonka where Wonka shows those ungrateful little turds the gum that has a three-course meal packed inside? Well apparently a non-nutritive version of the gum is on it's way. Damn girl, your breath be kickin'. *sniff* IS THAT ROAST BEEF?!

Researchers have developed a technology that allows different flavours to be captured inside microscopic capsules, which can be designed to release the flavours at different times.

Some of the capsules could be filled with flavouring for tomato soup that would break open on contact with saliva, while tougher capsules would contain the flavour for roast beef that would break open as the gum is chewed. A final flavour for blueberry pie could be packaged in capsules that require vigorous chewing to burst.

But what happens if you toss a piece in your mouth and immediately start masticating the shit out of it? Exactly, you get all three flavors at once. Then -- THEN -- a bonus flavor. Probably vomit.

Willy Wonka chewing gum could become reality [telegraph]

Thanks to Eddy, who's holding out for flavor-changing ice cream. Dammit, now you got me all thinking about sundaes!

Oct 11 2010 Princess Leia: Yes I Blew Snow On Hoth

So yesterday at 10:10 it was 10:10, 10/10/10. I meant to celebrate but I started playing Peggle and forgot when it was getting close both times. Moving on: Carrie Fischer admitted to snorting the cocaines while filming on Hoth in The Empire Strikes Back. Pfft, some princess!

"We did cocaine on the set of 'Empire', in the ice planet," Fisher told Australian newswire AAP, referring to the setting of the second film in the original "Star Wars" trilogy.

"I didn't even like coke that much, it was just a case of getting on whatever train I needed to take to get high," she said while visiting Sydney for her "Wishful Drinking" stand-up comedy show.

Okay I've got to admit I'm more surprised Fisher's a "comedian" now than the fact she put powder up her nose 30 years ago. I mean, you were on set in the late 70's, I'd be more surprised if you weren't blowing coke on Hoth. Now blowing Ewoks on Endor, that's different. I heard she did that too.

Princess Leia did cocaine on 'Empire' set [breitbart]

Thanks to Bradley B, who once blew glitterstim off a Wookie's back. That's, uh, that's how you get hairballs bro.

Oct 8 2010 Pole Dancing Ninja Performs With A Sword

This is a sessy video of a pole dancing ninja that, for at least part of her routine, performs with her sword out. An actual sword FYI, that wasn't a euphemism for a man-hammer. Or was it? It wasn't so just go watch the video. Pole dancing ninjas: they're not as uncommon as you'd expect. Just sayin', strippers have stolen my wallet more times than I'd like to admit. FINE, ELEVEN TIMES, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! I need one of those wallet chains but I don't want people to think I'm a Juggalo.

Hit the jump for the *slash* OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME THAT PART OF THE ACT.

Continue Reading " Pole Dancing Ninja Performs With A Sword "

Oct 8 2010 How To: Make A Milk Jug Stormtrooper Helmet

Want to make your own low-cost Stormtrooper helmet? All it takes is a couple milk jugs, some glue, paint and absolutely zero interest in winning this year's costume contest. "Dude -- WTF are you even supposed to be -- you look like an albino hippo". Your girlfriend does! "I don't even have a girlfriend." Even worse -- at least albino hippos got vaginas! "Touche, now give me all your Smarties or I'm gonna have sex with your sister again." Haha, well play-- AGAIN?!

Milk Jug Storm Trooper Helmet [filthywizardry] (tutorial)
via
How-To: Milk Jug Storm Trooper Helmet [make]

Thanks to Cindy, who once made Leia's iconic golden bikini out of nothing but soldering wire and gold spraypaint. Now you're talking!

Oct 8 2010 Haha!: Fake Halo Reach Kinect Commercial

This is a fake commercial for Halo Reach using the XBox's Kinect motion controls. And speaking of XBox's motion controls: I got the chance to demo the technology and it wouldn't stop mistaking my wiener for a leg. True story. Half-true story. Okay, you got me: what's Kinect?

Halo Reach for Kinect allows you to control a muscular, armored, seven foot tall Spartan with your frail, puny body. All of the fun of Halo, without the controller.

I really don't want to ruin anything for you, so go ahead and hit the jump for the 1:00 commercial. Then, we'll all regroup and discuss how the sexist stereotype that women are bad at video games is dated and shouldn't be perpetuated. Oooooor how cool it would be to get teabagged by a girl in real life.

Hit it for the hahas.

Continue Reading " Haha!: Fake Halo Reach Kinect Commercial "

Oct 8 2010 Doubling Down On That Ass: KFC Advertising Chicken Sandwich On College Coed Rumps

KFC (who knows good marketing) has just started a campaign in which they pay college girls $500 to wear 'Double Down' sweatpants and pass out sandwiches/coupons to horny/obese college students. It's actually pretty genius if you think about it while you're hungry and forgive them for using sweatpants instead of yoga pants.

The chicken chain says it hopes to use assvertising to "tempt fellow students" into trying the fried-meat monstrosity that only a frat boy or freshman could love. "On select college campuses," the press release says, "female undergraduates will sport KFC Double Down branded sweatpants to encourage students to try the unique bun-less sandwich." The gig pays $500, in case that helps you swallow your pride like a pile of greasy hen flesh. The promotion kicked off this week in Louisville, Ky., and will soon hit three more campuses.

OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMEN -- NOT COOL, KFC. First all the animal cruelty, and now this? For shame. The Colonel and I are gonna have to have some words. Well, whiskey first, then words. *glug glug glug* Nice beard, Colonel. "Thanks, young man". Alright, enough small talk . I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just gonna come out and say it: I like Chick-Fil-A better. Waffle fries, son, waffle fries.

KFC to 'Double Down' on college girls' butts [adfreak]

Thanks to Nick, who is a master of disguise and managed to score over 40 free sandwiches before being recognized.

Oct 8 2010 'Most Beautiful Girl In The Lab' Music Video

This is parody song and music video for Flight of the Conchord's 'Most Beautiful Girl in the Room'. Except it's called 'Most Beautiful Girl in the Lab'. It does not do the original justice. Like, at all. It's real bad, folks. Just kidding, I've spent the last ten minutes memorizing the lyrics. LYING GW IS LYING AGAIN!

Filmed by PhD students in UCSF's Tetrad Graduate Program for an annual departmental retreat.

Listen, I know lab situations are usually pretty slim pickins in the beautiful womens department, but you know what? That's okay. Just sayin', I used to work in a lab curing cancer with magic potions lasers and I was the most beautiful girl in the lab. *struttin' that ass* Every scientist on the lab wanted to experiment!

Hit the jump for the video.

Continue Reading " 'Most Beautiful Girl In The Lab' Music Video "

Oct 8 2010 I'm Not Surprised (But Still Deeply Disturbed): A "Han Solo Frozen In Carbonite" Fetish

This is a picture of someone who's been vacuum-packed. Sounds freaky deaky, I know. And that's because it is freaky deaky. Apparently people like the way it feels. See? Those frozen chicken cutlets don't have it so bad after all! There's a video of a human vacuum-packing in action after the jump, and I've got to admit: I wouldn't mind trying it. On you. Tell me, how do you feel about getting dumped in a river afterward?

Hit the jump for one more shot, a video of the WTF'ery, as well as a NSFW link (some see-through) to Kink Engineering with even more ZOMGOODNESS.

Continue Reading " I'm Not Surprised (But Still Deeply Disturbed): A "Han Solo Frozen In Carbonite" Fetish "

Oct 8 2010 $15K Full-Size Edible Gingerbread Playhouse

How bad do you like spoiling your kids? $15,000 edible gingerbread playhouse bad? If you answered "yes", congratulations, your children are gonna grow up to be monsters. If you answered, "oh hell no -- I even lick the spatula right in front of them!", great, there's hope for them yet.

This mouthwatering gift lets you expand that tradition with enough glee for all the children, grandchildren, godchildren, relatives, and lucky friends of all ages. This unique edible playhouse is handcrafted of 381 lbs. of gourmet gingerbread and 517 lbs. of royal icing by the expert confectioners at Dylan's Candy Bar®. The munchable manor, which stands 6.6 feet high by 5.25 feet wide by 4.1 feet deep, incorporates the best confections from the world's largest candy store in New York City. With literally thousands of signature gourmet sweets from which to choose, it is both artfully designed and decadently delicious. It includes giant cookies, lollipops, gummies, mints, gumdrops, and (of course) a candy-encrusted roof. There's also a lollipop tree inside, just for good measure.

I'm not gonna lie, I have to have it. Now let's suppose every reader donates $1 to my cause. "Uh, you're gonna end up $14,850 short?" YEAH WELL YOU'RE GONNA END UP A MOUTHFUL OF TEETH SHORT IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR FACE. Now, everybody Paypal me $100.

Neiman Marcus Product Site

Thanks to Shenanigans, who agrees that house is packed with enough fiber to keep you regular for years.

Oct 8 2010 A J.K. Rowling Harry Potter Plot Spreadsheet

Note: Full-res version right *ABRACADABRA!* HERE.

I never read any of the Harry Potter books because they make us real wizards seem kinda twinky, but I have seen part of one of the movies, so I'm basically an expert on the subject. Also, every other subject. Women's fashion? Pfft, I know women's fashion. Topless: so hot right now.

A spreadsheet plot written out by J.K. Rowling. Her approach to spreadsheet plotting is to divide the columns by chapter number, story timeline, chapter title, main plots and subplots.

Interesting, I have a very similar process for writing Geekologie articles. J.K., (see what I did there?) typically I just spill my cereal milk on the keyboard and then post whatever gets typed while I'm soaking it up with my roommate's bath towel. "Holy shit GW -- you apply the scientific method to blogging?!" You bet your null hypothesis I do!

A spreadsheet plot written out by J.K. Rowling [theorderofthephoenix]

Thanks to Cary and Ellen, who have read all the books like a million times and own all the movies on Blu-Ray. Cool, now just tell me the end.

Oct 7 2010 The Littlest Lil' Pac-Man You Ever Did See

This is a 3.5-micron Pac-Man. How big is a micron? At least twice as long as yourcron! *zing!*

Nano PacMan made of copper oxide

Scanning electron microscope image of a copper oxide cluster, 3.5 microns in diameter, prepared by evaporation and condensation over an alumina substrate. The smiley, nose and eye are present in the original SEM image, which has only been color-enhanced.

ZOMG the smiley, nose and eye are from the original picture? WHY THE HELL DOES A COPPER OXIDE CLUSTER HAVE A FACE?! Damn you, secret biological testing! (I'm still waiting on that laser-peen)

Nano PacMan, self-illuminating flowers and other winning nanotechnology images [nanowerk]
via
Teeny Tiny Pac-Man [kotaku]

Thanks to Jody, who isn't afraid of the world's smallest Pac-Man, he's afraid of the world's largest. Yeah well I'd rather be able to see the thing than have it floating around inside my body. WHICH YOU DO HAVE.

Oct 7 2010 Somebody Get Somebody A Design Award: The Future Of Coffee Carrying Technology

So simple, so beautiful, so genius. Say goodbye to crotches full of scalding coffee! Unless you're into that sort of thing, in which case I would love to pour a fresh pot all over your lap. "GW, you trickster -- did you brew this hydrochloric acid?" Guilty as charged! (I think one of your balls just rolled under the desk)

Life-Altering Cup Holder of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Mary, who can carry two coffee cups between her breasts. Coffee AND creamer, I love it!

Oct 7 2010 Ground Up Jellyfish Key To Nano Power Cells

Mmmm, liquefied jellyfish. I use it instead of jam on my sandwiches. It's tingly in my mouth. And now it's a key ingredient in developing nano-scale power cells. Don't tell PETA, they'll throw a fish!

Scientists say by liquidizing the humble Aequorea victoria -- a glow-in-the-dark jellyfish commonly found off the western coast of North America -- they can use the green fluorescent protein (GFP) it contains to create miniature fuel cells.

These, say their creators, could be used to power microscopic "nanodevices" that could operate independently inside the human body, helping reverse blindness or fight tumors.

In Chiragwandi's "biophotovoltaic nanodevice," electrons flow through a circuit when light hits the green fluorescent protein. He says this generates a current measuring "tens of nano amperes."

Oh shit, oh shit, here comes the happy ending. Wait for it -- wait for it...

Thanks to modern breakthroughs allowing scientists to grow their own green fluorescent protein using bacteria -- the unsuspecting sea creatures are no longer on the milkshake menu.

BOOYA, no more ground up jellyfish! "But uh, but I didn't have a problem with the ground up jellyfish". YEAH WELL I DIDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR FACE UNTIL YOU STARTED TALKING. At least I didn't vocalize it. NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO.

'Jellyfish' smoothies offer solar solutions [cnn]

Thanks to Vince Lombardi, who once blended a shark he caught with his bare hands and then sent the video to that 'Will It Blend?' guy and called him a pussy.

Oct 7 2010 The Resemblance Is Uncanny!: New "Yoda" Bat Discovered In Papua New Guinea

A bat that allegedly looks like Yoda has been discovered in Papua New Guinea. Personally, I don't see the resemblance. It looks like a flying f***ing orc if you ask me. Well, I guess there's only one way to settle this rationally: BURN DOWN THE FOREST -- LET'S SMOKE 'EM OUT!

A tube-nosed fruit bat with an appearance reminiscent of the Star Wars Jedi Master Yoda has been discovered in a remote rainforest.

The bat, along with an orange spider and a yellow-spotted frog are among a host of new species found in a region of Papua New Guinea.

More than 200 animals and plants were revealed for the first time after two months of surveying in the rugged and little-explored Nakanai and Muller mountain ranges last year.

The findings included two mammals, 24 species of frog, nine plants, nearly 100 new insects including damselflies, crickets and ants, and around 100 spiders.

What I want to know is who's responsible for starting this whole, "it looks like Yoda" nonsense. Because that bat looks nothing like Yoda. Shit, I've seen cats that look more like Yoda. And let me tell you: those were some ugly-ass cats. None of which could use the Force. But one did walk up to its litterbox, put its two front paws in, and then shit on the floor next to it, so that one was close.

Hit the jump for one more closeup of the look-alike in question.

Continue Reading " The Resemblance Is Uncanny!: New "Yoda" Bat Discovered In Papua New Guinea "

Oct 7 2010 New Door Helps Prevent Injury During Quakes

Earthquakes: they're scary. Almost as scary as tornadoes. Did you know in the event of an earthquake you're supposed to stand in a doorway? I didn't. I thought you were supposed to stop drop and roll. OMG --I think my teacher was trying to kill me. Eff you Miss Gardner! Hag-bag!

In anticipation of a 7.6 magnitude earthquake possibly hitting the city of Istanbul by 2030, an MA design student named Younghwa Lee from Kingston's University has designed a special kind of door that protects residents from falling quake debris. Designed to ensure safety and reduce injury or death, the door folds horizontally in the middle, while the bottom part remains braced against the floor for support.

The door frame has a built-in cabinet that contains a wind-up flashlight, containers of drinking water and medical supplies to ensure immediate medical aid before medics arrive in case of injury.

Smart thinking, Younghwa. Granted nobody is gonna be thinking clear enough to actually use one in the event of an earthquake ("EARTHQUAKE -- Fold the doors, fold the doors!") but smart thinking nonetheless. Also smart thinking: hang-gliding out the nearest window. "But my office is underground." Ouch.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
An earthquake.
An earthqua-- GAAAAHH!

Specially designed door shelters people against falling earthquake debris [thedesignblog]

Thanks to Matt, who just cries in the bathtub like a normal person. With or without bubbles?

Oct 7 2010 100 VG Characters In The Style Of Mega Man

Note: This isn't all of them, click HERE to see the whole thing in higher-res, and then check out captainslam's DeviantART page to download the thing in stunning 5322 px resolution (makes a great wallpaper! Terrible TP)

DeviantARTist captainslam went and Mega Manned 100 different video game characters. Me? I once Mega Manned a concession stand selling sno-cones and made over $18 in an hour!

It started as a cure for boredom at work, and then I just got obsessed. If you include the turret and companion cube from Portal, there are 100 classic, famous, or otherwise significant video game characters depicted in the original 8-bit Mega Man format that we all know and love so much. I'll take requests for future updates if anyone thinks of somebody cool I left off!

Good lookin' captainslam, but are there really 100? I'd take the time to count them all but 1) I'm lazy and 2) I can't count past my fingers and toes. Which, funny story, was 20, but now's only 16 (I used to mow the lawn wearing flip flops).

captainslam's DeviantART Page

Thanks to Matthew, who once emailed Dr. Light about a price quote for an arm cannon never heard back. What a jerk.

Oct 7 2010 Of Course There Is: Sexy Chewbacca Costume

Wrapping up my hard-hitting exposé on "there is a sexy version of every costume" comes this Chewbacca getup from sessywear purveyor Yandy. YOW YOW YANDY, YOW YOW!

Sci-Fi Furry Costume

Sku: YE300

Explore the universe while staying warm with this five-piece sexy costume that includes a cropped top, lace-up mini skirt, hood with attached sleeves, leg warmers and over the shoulder satchel. Gun not included.

Whoa whoa whoa -- gun not included? $240 and you can't include a plastic gun? I mean, it's not even a bowcaster! Way to be a bunch of Hutts aside, there's a bunch more pics of every Han's dream-Wookie after the jump, along with the company's sexy Storm Trooper and Vader costumes. So yeah, get three girls together and you can all go out as Star Whores. Oooor stay in and have a pillow fight (I'm coming over and I'm bringing Jawas).

Hit the jump for a ton more pictures of sexy Chewie, Storm Trooper and Vader.

Continue Reading " Of Course There Is: Sexy Chewbacca Costume "

Oct 7 2010 RIP: Guy On Scooter Misses Elevator, Rams Doors Until Plummeting Down The Shaft

This is a video of a 40-year old South Korean man who, pissed a group of tarts didn't hold the elevator for him, proceeds to ram the doors with his scooter until they give way and he plummets down the shaft. Yeah, apparently he died. "Holy shit" is right. And, since you're not supposed to talk ill of the dead for fear of finding them shooting the bull with St. Peter when you arrive at the pearly gates, I won't. Although that was a terrible decision and it's a miracle this guy even made it to 40. That said, a lady in my apartment building refused to ride the elevator with me this morning. The elevator stopped at her floor, the doors open, and she just stands there. She may have even backed away a little. Geez lady, I'm not that ugly. Yes I am too but still, it's not like I tooted or anything. I think she's just cra-- huh? I forgot pants this morning? Oh no. Wiener peepin' through the boxer hole? Not again.

Hit the jump for Final Destination 12.

Continue Reading " RIP: Guy On Scooter Misses Elevator, Rams Doors Until Plummeting Down The Shaft "

Oct 6 2010 It Was Only A Matter Of Time: Electric Snuggie

The Coz-e, like the Snuggie, is a giant piece of marketing shit. But, to its credit, the Coz-e does add the extra excitement of potential combustion. GET AWAY FROM ME GRANDPA, YOU'RE A SHUFFLING FIRE HAZARD! $68 takes one home, but no amount of money will replace your personal effects when said home ends its life in a house fire. Which is exactly why I keep all the stuff that's really important to me right here in the trunk of my....where's my car? I'M NOT KIDDING, WHERE THE F*** IS MY CAR?! Oh God not my Beanie Babies!

Finally, an electric Snuggie appears [dvice]

Thanks to The Coward, who's afraid to do anything, including attach a real name to his tip because he knows I'll track him down and whip his monkey ass for calling me a robot lover. Haha, should have used a fake email too, Josh!

Oct 6 2010 What Your Facebook Picture Says About You

Note: This isn't the whole graphic, you need to click HERE to see the whole thing and really delve into the field of Facebook portrait investigation. It's kind of like CSI, in the same way having a bear maul your genitals off is like making out with a supermodel. Basically identical. Now -- here's a badge and gun, let's do this!

What does a person's Facebook portrait say about them? 99% of the time it says they're ugly and trying to hide it. But not in my case. In my case it says, "damn, is that a drawing of a really muscular guy humping a dino in a natural hot spring?" YOU KNOW IT IS!

Facebook's steady, unrelenting invasion of every crevice in the civilized world has led to a new renaissance in portraiture, notable for its creation by people who wouldn't know good art if it friend requested them.

This chart will hopefully help you view specific Facebook portraits within the context of the larger genre, and therefore lead to a richer, more complex appreciation of Facebook portraiture as an emerging form of banal, eye-numbing expression.

I didn't actually bother reading any of that because I hate words worse than getting out of bed in the morning, but I did look at the chart briefly. You know what I learned? Nothing. Just like college -- and I went for 8 years!

A Graphic Guide to Facebook Portraits [fastcompany]
and
Geekologie on Facebook

Thanks to Jericho, tubthumper and Alice, who only post pictures of their pets because they're weird like that. Or -- OR -- they're actually cats and dogs. *DUM DUM DUM!*

Oct 6 2010 Finally!: "Auto-Aim" Coming To Real Life

You know how in video games auto-aim lines you up with somebody's head even though in real life you're far too weak to hold a gun let alone hit the broad-side of a barn? Well apparently the technology's becoming a reality. BOOM -- HEADSHOT! BOOM -- HEADSHOT! BOOM -- HE-- okay, that one caught my leg.

Last week, the U.S. Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency awarded Lockheed Martin a $6.9 million contract to continue development of the company's One-Shot Program, a research project begun in 2007 that aims to develop an advanced sniper scope that is able to calculate things like crosswinds, GPS location, range to target, temperature and even humidity and almost instantly update the sights to ensure an "automatic" kill.

Spooky stuff, but also very real; Lockeed Martin will have 15 test units ready for delivery to the US military soon, with 100 more to follow if things go well.

Dammit DARPA, first flying hummers and now bullets that can't miss? But we already have bullets that can't miss. They're called bombs, and I drop them on the daily. Well not lately because I'm experimenting with an all-cheese diet, but still.

Auto-Aim, Coming Soon To A Real Army Near You [kotaku]

Thanks to Shenanigans, who doesn't need magic bullets because he's a ninja and will sneak up from behind and slit your throat. You know, I could use somebody like you.

Oct 6 2010 Do Not Like: A Rat-Brain Guided Robotic Car

A little car guided entirely by a living rat's brain: what could go wrong? Well it could crash it's way through the grocery store's cheese isle for one. Plus leave its little rat-pellets all over the floor for two. *heaving* I thought somebody was leaking chocolate chips!

The animal-robot hybrid was developed by researchers at the University of Tokyo, who explained its purpose to IEEE Spectrum:

"We wanted to develop a brain-machine interface system aiming for future wheelchairs that paralyzed patients can control only with thought," says Osamu Fukayama of the university's Medical Engineering and Life Science Laboratory. "RatCar is a simplified prototype to develop better electrodes, devices, and algorithms for those systems."

The researchers first implanted electrodes in the motor cortex of each rat's brain, and then trained it to tow the contraption around while the motor was turned off. Next the rat was suspended beneath the car so that it could only lightly touch the ground, and couldn't actually move the robo-car with its limbs. Then the car was switched to brain-reading mode and researchers watched to see if the rat could control the car's movements with only the pulses from its motor cortex.

That. sounds. terrifying. And not in a good way like you're on a haunted hayride, in a bad way like you're in prison and your cellmate has a crush on that ass. Literally -- just your ass. Been there, done that, I HAVE A FACE TOO YOU KNOW!

It's a Rat! It's a Toy Car! It's RatCar? [discovermagazine]

Thanks to Shaun and Shane, who agree rodent-brain guided cars are the beginning of the end. Ha -- BEGINNING?! We're more than halfway already!

Oct 6 2010 Inside-Out Boy?!: 360-Degree Swing Fail

Because watching morons hurt themselves is one of the few remaining joys I have in life, here's some idiot yelling like Tarzan going over the bar on a stand-up swing. Now I don't want to ruin the end for you, but suffice it to say I haven't smiled like this since I was nine. I'm not gonna lie, it's been a pretty shitty 20 years.

Hit the jump for the unshocking conclusion.

Continue Reading " Inside-Out Boy?!: 360-Degree Swing Fail "

Oct 6 2010 Cartoon Cakery: A Futurama Wedding Cake

Flickr user Alanosaur (oohlala!) recently attended a friend's wedding at which the couple had a Futurama wedding cake. But was there an open bar? I sure hope so, but you never know. Also no word on what was in the goody-bags. Which reminds me -- one time I attended a wedding and you know what they put in the goody-bags? Nothing, there weren't any. Needless to say I beaned the new bride in the face with a handful of rice when they were leaving. And THAT, my friends, is when my sister and I stopped talking.

Check out the Flickr link for a bunch more closeups.

Alanosaur's Flickr

Thanks to Chris, who plans on having a Yo Gabba Gabba cake at his wedding. I, uh, I think five is a little young to be getting married, Chris. I say go for it!

Oct 6 2010 Questionable: Male Enhancement Underwear

Wearing socks? Congratulations, you're also wearing male-enhancement underwear.

The Daily Mail reports that the British retailer [Marks & Spencer] is set to debut two new styles of Bodymax body-shaping underwear for men on Oct. 15: one that provides a boost to the bum, the other with a wee bit of extra bunting in the bulge.

"Our technologists have worked hard to engineer two styles that are comfortable to wear and that give real results," says Dave Binns, head of M&S men's underwear. "These pants provide a real confidence boost for men, and we think they will prove popular with our customers."

The posterior picker uppers, which sell for £15 ($20 U.S.), use seam-free tailoring to raise the rear by a fifth, reports the newspaper, while a pair of fluffed-up frontals, which include a "shelf" that provides at 38 percent enhancement, will cost £10 ($13 U.S.).

Listen: as a guy who's no stranger to drawing attention to his wiener in public: don't wear anything under the trenchcoat. Kidding, I can't believe people actually do that. Trenchcoats, ha! What is it, the 90's? Besides, let's say that, against all odds, you actually do bring a lady home. What happens when you take off your underwear and your penis disappears? Run -- she's a witch.

Marks & Spencer to Reveal Bodymax Male-Enhancement Underwear [stylist]

Thanks to Tiago, who needs male dehancement underwear (you owe me bigtime).

Oct 6 2010 Know What We Need? Some Flying Hummers

Flying Hummers: I think I saw them on the menu at a Cirque du Soleil brothel. What?! I was writing an exposé! Just kidding, but I did write it off as a work-related expense. Business savvy: this guy. DARPA wants flying "Transformer" hummers for the military.

AAI Corporation, a Maryland-based aerospace and defense company, won a $3.05 million contract with Darpa to see if it the technology behind the Transformer can, well, get off the ground, Aviation Week reports. Based on so-called "compound helicopter" technology that the company is developing with Carter Aviation Technologies, the gist is that AAI's design for the Transformer envisions it to carry four soldiers on the road as a car, but the rotor blades on top allow it to take off vertically into the air. The car's takeoff functions are supposed to be automated, so soldiers or marines don't have to be aviators to get it off the ground.

With the threat of improvised explosive devices on the rise, the defense agency wanted an "unprecedented capability to avoid traditional and asymmetrical threats while avoiding road obstructions." That meant, basically, a flying car -- one that could perform all manner of tasks, from "strike and raid, intervention, interdiction, insurgency/counterinsurgency, reconnaissance, medical evacuation and logistical supply." Oh, and it has to be able to climb to 10,000 feet and travel 250 miles on a single tank of gas, meaning it's got to be green.

So yeah, green flying hummers. That seems reasonable. I mean, we already have green driving Hummers right. *somebody whispering* Oh. Well at least it was only $3 million.

Darpa Moves a Step Closer to Its Flying Humvee [wired]

Thanks to Devin and ptitz, who don't want to see flying hummers as much as flying monkeys. Like in the Wizard of Oz? Those things are creepy as f***!

Oct 5 2010 There Are Good Ideas, Bad Ideas, And THIS: Autonomous Robots Guarding Nevada Nukes

Autonomous robots guarding The Nevada National Security Site, "home to tens of millions of cubic feet of low-level radioactive waste -- and location of over a thousand Cold War nuclear weapons tests", what could possibly go wrong? Answer: EVERYTHING. Including, and not just limited to: mutants and WW3.

The first of a planned trio of Mobile Detection Assessment Response Systems, or MDARS, is currently patrolling some of the more remote sections of the 1,360 square mile facility.

The camera-equipped MDARS can scoot around pre-determined paths on its own, alerting flesh-and-blood guards when it encounters an intruder or a broken lock. In development by the Navy and General Dynamics since the early 1990s, the diesel-fueled sentry bot can operate for up to 16 hours, and reach a top speed of 20 mph. The U.S. military has experimented with using the MDARS machines to patrol some of its Hawthorne Army Depot in Nevada. The bots have even been tested with automatic weapons -- though I doubt that's the plan at the nuke site.

Not the plan at the nuke site my ass. I happen to know FOR A FACT these things already have live missiles. "But GW, how could you possibly know that?" Two words: satellite imaging I broke into the facility to dunk my junk in a drum of radioactive waste with the hopes of "Hulking that shit". I'm not gonna lie, it didn't work five penises.

Video of the unmanned world destroyers on patrol after the jump.

Continue Reading " There Are Good Ideas, Bad Ideas, And THIS: Autonomous Robots Guarding Nevada Nukes "

Oct 5 2010 Sweet Underwateroil Bioshock Case Mod

It's not actually water, it's mineral oil. Did you know you can submerge computer components in mineral oil (except spinning drives) for liquid cooling? Because you can do that. What you can't do is take a bath with a power supply. Well not a normal person anyway. It's what I like to call the "superhero" test. Are YOU a superhero? What? I'm weeding out the weak ones, yo! Anywho, a Big Daddy Bioshock themed computer mod in a mineral oil filled aquarium. Try saying that ten times fast! Actually, don't -- your voice sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

Sirleechalot took a 5-gallon aquarium and filled it with four gallons of mineral oil. He then sunk the mainboard powered by an Atom processor and the PSU into the mineral oil after mounting it to a clear plastic backing. The Big Daddy figure that gives the casemod the Bioshock feel was purchased from Amazon. The oil gets bubbled with a bubble filter underneath some black gravel.

Not bad! My brother and I spent many a fond hour exploring Rapture and saving Little Sisters from the grips of those evil splicers. But only during daylight hours and never with the surround sound turned all the way up. We're delicate, okay?! And by delicate I mean the manliest men God ever breathed life into. Isn't that right, Frank? "Pork chop sandwiches!" Haha, that's my bro.

Video of the assembly and final product after the jump.

Continue Reading " Sweet Underwateroil Bioshock Case Mod "

Oct 5 2010 Gotta Connect 'Em All!: LEGO Pokemons

"Gotta connect 'em all!" God, I'm still giggling to myself about that. And not like a schoolgirl either, like a whole group of schoolgirls. *teeheehee!* I honestly can't believe I just f***ing wrote that aside, LEGO lover and Flickr user Filip Johannes Felberg be makin' all kinda crazy Pokemons outta LEGO blocks. Go on with ya 'lil monster-lovin' self!

For a few weeks now, Filip Johannes Felberg has been making batches of 4 different Pokémon out of Legos and uploading them to Flickr as part of his Pokémon Project. The results are nothing short of awesome and he's already done 32 different 'Monz.

Impressive work, Filip. "Thanks Terrance." *BRAAAAT!* "Ahahahahaha!!" God, WTF is wrong with me? "Nothing GW, you're perfect in every way." Geez, I really am aren't I? "No, far from it". Awesome, I've been looking for a reason to start cutting myself again.

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " Gotta Connect 'Em All!: LEGO Pokemons "

Oct 5 2010 Girl Dresses Up Pet Caiman As Iron Man

YouTube user MorRokk made a cardboard Iron Man suit for her dwarf caiman, Hadies. My dwarf caiman? He's lucky if I shake him off after pissing.

Hit the jump for a video of Hadies modeling the suit.

Continue Reading " Girl Dresses Up Pet Caiman As Iron Man "

Oct 5 2010 Turning Righties Into Lefties With Magnets

According to the National Academy of Science (which isn't really on my trust-list), you can turn a righty into a lefty by applying magnets to the dome. "Haha, is that why you have all the refrigerator magnets in your hair?" And no -- I'm already a lefty. I'm trying to get the bullet out.

We know that most people are right-handed and tend to choose their right hand to perform tasks. But what if they were suddenly conflicted and chose the left instead? That's where the magnets come in. Just apply some transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) to the brain and presto! A new lefty is born.

Don't be alarmed, this is actually a good thing. Especially for people who may have lost control of their dominant side in a stroke or other injury.

Sure you could undergo some transcranial magnetic stimulation or -- OR -- you could give Magneto a blowjay. Just a heads up though: you will lose all your fillings.

Image of the Day: magnets can make you a lefty [dvice]

Thanks to Greg and Shaun, who tried to turn themselves from lefties to righties by kicking each other in the nuts. How, uh, how'd that work out for you? Painful huh? Shocking.

Oct 5 2010 Milling Machine Playing The MacGyver Theme

Now I know what you're thinking, "GW, that has got to be the most boring-ass picture I have ever seen". And you know what? I couldn't agree more I've got some pictures of the carpet under my sofa you might be interested in. Still -- a milling machine playing the MacGyver theme. MacGyver was pretty cool, right? Granted I never saw that hacky MacGruber movie because my paper-clip bomb scare at the movie theater backfired (read: arrests were made, mine), but I used to watch the show a bunch growing up. Also, the neighborhood kids play outside from my bedroom window. "Holy shit GW -- you were a bubble boy?!" Ha, even worse. I was a bubble girl.

Hit the jump for the song and dance in action.

Continue Reading " Milling Machine Playing The MacGyver Theme "

Oct 5 2010 Highly Questionable: Alleged Unicorn Sighting

See the unicorn in the picture? Of course not, because there isn't one. What there IS is a horse with a broken golf club taped to its head. Still, the Ontario Science Centre wants you to believe (oooor score itself some free viral advertising).

Hickey-Jones brought the footage to the Ontario Science Centre to be analyzed by experts. The Science Centre is reviewing the footage frame-by-frame to determine whether Hickey-Jones' claim is legitimate. With closer examination, Science Centre staff is hoping to establish whether or not a genuine unicorn sighting has occurred.

In the meantime, the Science Centre is asking the public to use caution if they think they see a unicorn. Do not make any sudden movements or attempt to use flash photography. Although legends of unicorns state that they are peaceful creatures, scientists worry that they may harm themselves or others if they end up on a road or highway. The Ontario Science Centre has set up an emergency unicorn hotline for the public for further information on unicorns or to report any unusual or questionable sightings. The hotline number is 416-696-3260.

So I actually called that number because I have like 40 unicorn sightings (including half a dozen pettings) to report and there were three phone prompts: 1) report a unicorn sighting 2) learn more about unicorns and 3) learn more about the Science Centre's upcoming exhibit, 'Mythic Creatures: Dragons, Unicorns and Mermaids'. So yeah, mystery solved. Still, what kind of wizard would I be if I didn't post every fake unicorn sighting? A way better one? Oh. ABRACADAMMIT.

Hit the jump for the video in case you want to trick your dumb stupid friends.

Continue Reading " Highly Questionable: Alleged Unicorn Sighting "

Oct 5 2010 Pew Pew, Glug Glug: 36-Shot(glass) Bandolier

DAMN RAMBO PUT AWAY THE GUNS AMIRITE?! No, even you could take that guy. Anyway, a $10 shotglass bandolier. Wait -- only $10? HOW CAN THEY SELL THEM SO LOW?!

You gotta fight, for your right, TO PARTY!!!! So strap on this 36-shot-glass bandolier for a guaranteed good time. Two crossing nylon shoulder straps and an adjustable belt hold 36 bullet-shaped, one-ounce shot glasses complete with locking caps. You just thought you liked to party, but with this 36-shot party bandolier, you know.

Um, I'm pretty sure even without the banolier I know I like to party. "I'm here with my friend, GW. GW just got an awesome face paint job, what do you think?" I like parties. See? That said, I just bought two. One for shots, one for that pure, uncut Columbian snow. Get it? Because I'm a drug mule! Sad but true. This ass has seen more coke than all the Mentos in the world.

Product Site

Thanks to Sam, who shot a man in Reno just to watch him puke because it was his birthday and he had already had way too many shots and if that wasn't bad enough the one Sam bought him was Tequila and mayonnaise. That was wrong of you, Sam.

Oct 5 2010 What Kind Of Zombies Are We Dealing With?

Note: Slightly larger version HERE for those of you with eyes in the back of your head that have to use a mirror to see the monitor.

Will you survive the zombie apocalypse? I dunno, I guess it depends on what kind of zombies you're dealing with. Because I'm gonna be honest: based on your intelligence and physical prowess, I say you're brain food for any zombie better equipped than those in 'Night of the Creeps'. That included Zombie Strippers. Which, if you are gonna be eaten by zombies, isn't the worst way to go (read: you might be able to cop a feel on your way out). Just don't come crying to me in hell when your last memory is a boob coming off in your hand.

How Dangerous Is a Zombie? [yahoomovies]

Thanks to Eric and Miss Bowser, who will both survive the zombie apocalypse because they have jetpacks. Lucky!

Oct 4 2010 ADT Scares Apartment Renters With Pop-Up Package In Attempt To Sell Security Systems

ADT recently ran a marketing campaign in Chile in which they slid pop-up boxes under people's apartment doors to make them think somebody was in their place while they were gone. Scare tactics -- I like it!

When not held flat, the boxes pop open to a cube, allowing them to be inserted under doors to lie in wait for the returning home owner. The owner sees the terrifying sight of something that has gotten inside your home without your consent. To compound the brief moment of horror, it bears the slogan "Breaking into your apartment is easier than you think" next to the ADT logo.

No, breaking into an apartment is not easier than I think. I know how easy it is. And I'm not just saying that because I've broken into my fair share of apartments, but I do have two trash bags and a Target bag filled with women's underwear. So yeah, make of that what you will (help -- I'm trapped in somebody's dryer).

Crappy video explaining the marketing campaign after the jump.

Continue Reading " ADT Scares Apartment Renters With Pop-Up Package In Attempt To Sell Security Systems "

Oct 4 2010 Taking Tiny Terrors To A Whole New Level: Company Producing Mini-Mechas For Children

The Sakakibara Kikai company of Japan is producing these $21,000 'Kid Walker' mechas because what isn't a great idea about letting a child with little to no hand-eye coordination control a giant robotic suit? Now I couldn't actually find a list of the mecha's full capabilities anywhere, but Sakakibara Kikia, if you're listening: feel free to add "make a grown-ass man shit himself" to that list. Speaking of which, you owe me some new underwears. Oh, scratch that -- couch cushions (almost forgot it was commando bloggin' Monday!).

A couple more shots and a video of the walker (which actually rolls), after the jump.

Continue Reading " Taking Tiny Terrors To A Whole New Level: Company Producing Mini-Mechas For Children "

Oct 4 2010 Girl 'Drinks' Own Brain Fluid To Stop Migraines

Melissa Peacock is just like every other 17-year old except she has a tube (not to be confused with the series that makes up the internet) connecting her brain and stomach to siphon off excess brain fluid and prevent migraines. So yeah, just your average 17-year old cyborg zombie. I'm really diggin' the hair.

'I still get a dull ache when I wake up in the morning but as the fluid drains away, I start to feel a bit better,' said the 17-year-old.

Melissa has a condition that causes her body to produce too much spinal fluid, which collects in her skull and pushes on her brain.

This left her with migraines and blurred vision and sometimes she could not walk in a straight line.

Doctors punctured her skull to drain the fluid nine times but, when the fluid returned, they decided on a more drastic operation.

Surgeons twice tried to attach a tube from her lower spine to her stomach but both times the tubes shifted.

They then decided to insert a permanent tube directly into her brain.

'The pain was just unbearable at times, so I agreed to go ahead with the operation.

'My friends think the fact that I digest fluid from my brain is a bit weird but my quality of life is so much better,' she added.

Ah, the marvel of modern medicine. Glad to hear you're doing well, Melissa. Say -- you think those doctors could install some tubes that recirculates my undigested alcohol back into my stomach for a second run? No? Stick to chugging my catheter bag? Just thought I'd ask.

Teenager forced to drink her brain fluid daily to relieve migraine pain [metro]

Thanks to notthelimejuice, who invented a system that pumps half-digested cake back into your stomach so you can....uh, why exactly did you do that again?

Oct 4 2010 The Comment Killa: Woman Drives Four Hours To Shoot/Kill Rude Internet Commenter, Fails

Breana Outhouse Greathouse, 25, procured a firearm and drove 220 miles with the intent of killing an internet commenter that said some really mean things about her online. Pfft -- if I had a dime for every time I loaded up the car with guns & explosives and headed out to kill a commenter get over it, lady.

[Breana] drove several hundred miles from Kansas City, Missouri to Ottumwa, Iowa, to shoot a certain Forrest Jamison, whom she blamed for posting derogatory comments about her on the Internet.

Fortunately her Midwestern odyssey...ended in failure when she was arrested by Ottumwa police for waving her gun around like the unhinged maniac she is.

Also, they arrested her mom, Susan Greathouse, 50, for threatening Jamison over the phone.

Awww, they made it a mother/daughter thing! So precious. But seriously, how come whenever I want to kill a commenter it involves an expensive plane ticket, but this chick lucks out with a four hour drive? It isn't fair! Huh? WHAT'D YOU SAY TO ME?! *opening Expedia in a new tab* I'LL CUT YOU.

Woman Travels 200+ Miles to Kill Internet Commenter [mediapost]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer, who's agreed to go on a rude commenter killing spree with me in the event we both get terminal cancer.

Oct 4 2010 Iliterate Clown Voted Into Brazilian Congress

Francisco Everardo Oliveira Silva, a 45-year old illiterate Brazilian man best known for his portrayal of Tiririca the clown, just won a place in Brazilian Congress with more than 2x the votes as the next closest candidate. JOKES: YES WE CAN.

Tiririca caught the attention of disillusioned voters by asking for their support with the humorous slogan: "It can't get any worse" and a promise to do nothing more in Congress than report back to them on how politicians spend their time.

"What does a congressman do? The truth is I don't know, but vote for me and I'll tell you," the 45-year-old said in his campaign advertisements.

Ah yes, it's a great day to be Brazilian, isn't it? Yes, just like every other day. Those women got ass for days weeks. Some even months! Next order of business: bulletproofing a clown car.

No joke! Illiterate clown triumphs in election [msnbc]

Thanks to Brittany, who may or may yes be my special lady friend and competing in this year's Miss California pageant. YOU WILL SHOW YOUR SUPPORT (Just sayin', she helps get Geekologie written).

Oct 4 2010 Samus Aran In Mini-Zero Suit & Bunny Ears

This is some sessy Samus Aran cosplay. It's not very authentic because Samus's Zero Suit is actually full-body and I've never seen her in bunny ears before, but you know what? I can look past those things. Also, I have no idea where these pictures originally came from so if anybody knows I'd be happy to update and give the proper credit, particularly if there's more where these came from. But if aren't more where these came from I'll probably be so disappointed I'll just pretend I never got your message. Journalistic integrity: the internet killed it. Also: print media pr0n.

UPDATE: Jessica's Facebook Cosplay Page.

Hit the jump for a shot from the rear (straight to your heart).

Continue Reading " Samus Aran In Mini-Zero Suit & Bunny Ears "

Oct 4 2010 Scorpion Playing MK Theme On Accordion

Some nutcase dressed as Scorpion playing the Mortal Kombat theme on an accordion: it's why Youtube was invented. Well, that and me with a grocery bag over my head ranting about how Taco Bell always forgets to give me a ramekin of cheese with my nachos. STOP CUTTING CORNERS YOU CHEAP-ASS TACOTEERS! Also, my Baja Blast was flat and there was a homeless woman begging for change in the drive-thru line. I backed over her, so I believe some extra Fire sauce is in order.

Hit the jump for a minute of videogame polka.

Continue Reading " Scorpion Playing MK Theme On Accordion "

Oct 4 2010 'Skylifter' Blimp Designed To Lift Buildings

A dirigible large enough to lift and deliver heavy equipment and buildings to remote locations? Yes if Australian make-believe company Skylifter has anything to do with it! No if the mole-people finish their network of underground railways first.

This 150 meter-wide disc shaped balloon would be capable of carrying 150 tons, an increase of 700 percent from the maximum 20 tons able to be lifted by existing heavy transport helicopters. Its design provides for more stability - with its flatter profile, it acts less like a sail, making it less susceptible to winds during flights of up to 1240 miles. The disc also behaves as a parachute during descent, ensuring a gentle landing, while the low-hanging control pod keeps it from being too top-heavy.

This obviously being some sort of way-too-early viral marketing for Bioshock: Infinite aside, tell me -- is Skylifter supposed to be a takeoff on Skywalker, or just a crappy name decision? Because I would have gone with Skywaltzer. Skywaltzer: "we're dancin' with tractors on clouds, yo!"

Disc-Shaped Balloon Could Transport Whole Buildings To Remote Areas [popsci]

Thanks to ultrapony, closest thing you can get to a unicorn with actually having a corn.

Oct 4 2010 Only A Matter Of Time: Public Twitter Booths

Public Twitter booths: the new new public phone booth. Of course, if you can't tweet from your cell phone already it's probably time to throw the pager away and step into the 24th century. "But GW, it's only the 21st century." Haha, did I forget to travel back again? Quick -- who's the current robot emperor?

Public Twitter Booth [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Jess, who only tweets in private. Me? I only webcam in private. Kidding, I'll break that shit out on the bus.

Oct 4 2010 Mommy, Where Do McNuggets Come From?

Mechanically separated chicken THAT'S BEEN EXTRUDED INTO THE TOP OF A CARDBOARD BOX. Mmmm, start opening the BBQ packets!

There's more: because it's crawling with bacteria, it will be washed with ammonia, soaked in it, actually. Then, because it tastes gross, it will be reflavored artificially. Then, because it is weirdly pink, it will be dyed with artificial color

That's disgusting. Also, a great opportunity for me to retell my original "why did the chicken cross the road" joke. *ahem*

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To nug-get to the other side!

I don't care what you say, it's harder than you think coming up with a new chicken crossing the road joke. Now, who wants a scoop of ice cream? It's strawberry!

Chicken Nuggets Are Made From This Pink Goop [gizmodo]

Thanks to Andy, cirsten, Dick and jack, who prefer pneumatically separated chicken.

Oct 1 2010 Sci-Fi Strippin': More Cosplay Burlesque Action

Did I really get drunk at lunch and spend the last two hours asleep on the john? You know I did! And since my brain never recovered from the nap (plus my legs fell asleep and I beat my face on the towel bar standing up), here's a little burlesque cosplay action to end the week. LA Weekly reporter/photographer Erin Broadly sent me these shots from the recent 'Ladies of Sci-Fi Burlesque' show at Bordello (do you need a gaffer next time?) including "Pris from Blade Runner, Ripley from the Alien franchise, Maria from Metropolis, Aeon Flux, Barbarella and Metroid's Samus Aran." I posted a SFW shot or two from each act after the jump, but you'll need to check out LA Weekly's coverage for the full 42-picture set (some NSFW). So yeah, if you need me I'll be drunk for the next 72 hours. Did I say 72? Because I meant 48. No, no I didn't either. Somebody's writing tyrannosaurs wrecked on Monday!

Hit the jump for a bunch more and link to the entire gallery.

Continue Reading " Sci-Fi Strippin': More Cosplay Burlesque Action "

Oct 1 2010 They're Here: Alien Faces In Building Windows

This is a shot of the CoServ Electric headquarters in Corinth, Texas where some early-morning condensation has revealed an alien hideout. Why aliens would decide to set up shop there is beyond me, but I suspect it has something to do with recharging their spaceships. At any rate, I just bought a one-way ticket to Corinth and I plan on inspecting each any every one of these aliens personally. Really personally. I'm talking about rubbing my junk all over those windows. *SQUEEEEEEEEK* Haha, what do you mean, "the people inside are calling the police?" STOP F***ING WITH MY INVESTIGATION!

Freaky Pareidolia of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Oct 1 2010 Stuff It Back In!: 'Umbilical' Cell Phone Charger

This pulsating 'umbilical' iPhone charger was designed by Mio I-zawa as an experiment in just how disgusting a person can make a cell phone charger. Nice try, Mio, but a REAL disgusting charger would ooze pus and smell like an orc's o-ring (they wipe with dead animals). Oh I'm sorry -- were you eating? Kidding, I'm not really sorry. Besides, boogers don't count anyway. "But I have a salt-tooth!" God you're f***ing disgusting. Hit the jump to see a short video of the charger doing it's thing. Then, hit the person next to you to see if they'll fight back. If they don't, demand their wallet. If they do, good luck, my money's on them.

Hit it for the WTFery.

Continue Reading " Stuff It Back In!: 'Umbilical' Cell Phone Charger "

Oct 1 2010 Got A Ditty Stuck In Your Head? Unhear It!

Unhear It is a website that plays random-ass remixes to help get the song that's stuck in your head unstuck. Granted it's just replacing it with another, but still. Maybe it'll be better than ♫ the song that never ends -- yes it goes on and on my friend, some people staaaarted singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just BECAUSE I AM A JERK ♫ Have fun with that one, suckers!

We created this site for those of you that have a song stuck in your head and you can't get it out no matter what you do. Using the latest in reverse-auditory-melodic-unstickification technology, we've been able to allow our users to "unhear" songs by hearing equally catchy songs. So really all we're doing is making you forget your old song by replacing it with another one... sorry.

Pretty cool, but I just invented Unsee It. Basically it replaces the mental image of whatever scarring thing I just showed you with another, much more traumatizing image. Check it: close your eyes and pretend you just saw a robot wielding a knife. Scary right? BOOM -- two old geezers having intercourse! Haha, no need to thank me.

Unhear It

Thanks to SharaSue, who probably wishes she could unread that last paragraph. Two words: shots, lots

Oct 1 2010 Google Street View: Now With More Antarctica

I dunno, that looks less like a street and more like stepping in a bunch of penguin shit just waiting to happen. Cute 'lil fellas though. Anyway, Google Street Views of Antarctica: it's happened. Next up: the moon. I get to drive the rover! " But GW -- haven't you been drinking?" OF COURSE I'VE BEEN DRINKING THAT'S WHEN I DO MY BEST CARTOGRAPHY. "Uh, then why's this map say Australfrica?" SHUT UP I KNOW MY STATES, OKAY?!

Antarctica on Google Street View (have a look around!)

Thanks to Phil, who once took a vacation to Antarctica and can verify the mermaids that live there have ice-cold nipples.

Oct 1 2010 Homemade Fireworks!: Gummi Bear + KClO₃

This is an old-ass video of the magic that happens when you drop a gummi bear into potassium chlorate. Now we could talk about the science behind the magic but then it would become all science-y and less magical and I prefer magic (although I have played Yu-Gi-Oh). Also, I'm sure you've already seen the video because it's so old but I hadn't so there's really no one to blame but yourself because I was writing Geekologie back in September of '07 when it came out so there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't have sent me the tip except you're a jerk and you like to be withholding. And that is exactly why you and I will never work. Well, that and the whole face situation (I hate yours).

Hit the jump for the most magical experiment ever.

Continue Reading " Homemade Fireworks!: Gummi Bear + KClO₃ "

Oct 1 2010 Bacon Boogies: Bacon Kevin Bacon Sculpture

This is a sculpture of actor Kevin Bacon made out of bacon. Personally, I think it looks more like Conan O'Bacon, but what do I know besides everything including the secrets to time travel AND blemish free skin? Did I mention Kevin Baconface here is for sale on eBay? Because he is. Plus all proceeds go to Ashley's Team, a non-profit aimed at "bringing joy to childhood cancer patients and their families." *wiping tear*

Don't worry, BKB has been well lacquered and will stay tasty for generations to come so stop listening to your inner-doubt, put in a bid and make every person you will ever know jealous of your legendarily epic greatness.

Owning Bacon Kevin Bacon will automatically make you the coolest person you will ever know, a champion of the underground meat sculpture movement and honestly should really tie any room together nicely. After all, bacon does make everything better.

*Bacon Kevin Bacon is not edible.

Whoa whoa whoa -- not edible?! WTF's the purpose of a bacon sculpture that's not edible? That's like making unsniffable glue. And speaking of which -- after fifteen days of staying clean I've started eating crayons again. It's true, I left a rainbow in the bathroom for my roommate to find. See it yet? Hint: look in the toilet. Also on the floor around the toilet. Oh, and in the tub.

Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures (including one of an art patron in a Budweiser dress) and a link to the auction.

Continue Reading " Bacon Boogies: Bacon Kevin Bacon Sculpture "

Oct 1 2010 Oh Goody: Facebook Photos Now 8x Larger

Facebook just announced they're jacking up the maximum size of photos you can upload from 720 pixels to 2048. What does this mean? It means your photos can now be 8x as large. Geez, it's not rocket surgery. I had to get my mom to sign me into AOL this morning and even I understand it. There's also gonna be a new and improved photo viewer and easier tagging and uploading as well. Barrel roll! So expect higher-res shots of margaritas and pretty ladies appearing on the Geekologie Facebook page soon. And, if you're really lucky, maybe one day I'll post a picture of my sessy ass. Kidding folks, I'm ugly as sin. One time I uploaded a mirror shot of myself on Myspace and Tom unfriended me. Oh yeah? Screw you and your stupid whiteboard. YOU DON'T KNOW EQUATIONS!

More Beautiful Photos [facebookblog]
via
Facebook Introduces High-resolution Photo Sharing [ubergizmo]
and
Geekologie on Facebook

Thanks to Shannon, who looks great in high res unlike some of us. You guys, I'm talking about you guys.