Sep 28 2010How Am I Not The Man For The Job?: United Nations Seeks Space Ambassador To Aliens
Sorry folks, I already submitted my application and I'm just waiting for the callback. However -- I will consider you for my cabinet if you can provide me with warm, clean urine on an as-needed basis. *reading article* Wait a minute -- they already chose somebody?! But I haven't even started campaigning!
Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist, is set to be tasked with co-ordinating humanity's response if and when extraterrestrials make contact.
Professor Richard Crowther, an expert in space law at the UK space agency who leads delegations to the UN, said: "Othman is absolutely the nearest thing we have to a 'take me to your leader' person".Opinion is divided about how future extraterrestrial visitors should be greeted. Under the Outer Space Treaty on 1967, which Unoosa oversees, UN members agreed to protect Earth against contamination by alien species by "sterilising" them.
Mrs Othman is understood to support a more tolerant approach.
*facepalm* Listen: you and I both know I was practically made for this position. Some would even argue it's why I was put on this planet and not Krypton, and those people would be 100% correct. And I'm not just saying that because I want to be first in line for all the blue-green trim that's coming our way, but I did just call dibs. I will let you be my wingman though if you help me impeach this Mazlan character. Oh -- and I always get the one with more titties.
UN 'to appoint space ambassador to greet alien visitors' [telegraph]
Thanks to Kyol, who will serve as director of the Department For Covering Up My Numerous Alien Affairs.
Reader Comments
1. Michelle - September 28, 2010 10:34 AM
I am thinking we just need some cardboard signs with Welcome to Earth in Sparkle Letters :)
2. naas (TRO) - September 28, 2010 10:38 AM
@1 but the sparkles will attract all the gay aliens
3. Mr Tea - September 28, 2010 10:39 AM
they will kill us anyway
4. TakeMeToYourLeader - September 28, 2010 10:41 AM
Because out of over 6 BILLION people on earth, the little green guys are going to find this "space ambassador".
5. Devan - September 28, 2010 10:48 AM
I'll bake a basket of muffins.
www.nomorecheeze.blogspot.com
6. Me - September 28, 2010 10:57 AM
There's a typo in the article.
"...if and when extraterrestrials make contact"
should read
"...even though aliens have been making contact for thousands of years and all modern governments have been patently denying such events happen."
7. captainlaziness - September 28, 2010 11:04 AM
@6
I think you're correct. This may just be the first globally acknowledged step towards full disclosure.
Let's just hope it's a race of Samantha Carter Replicators.
8. Feely McSmackup - September 28, 2010 11:12 AM
WTF does this has to do with Star Wars? Plus it's already been debunked! What a bunch of loosers!!
9. Mike - September 28, 2010 11:22 AM
I'll be damned before I let some filthy Malasian met aliens first.
10. 50CupsOfCoffeeAndYouKnowItsOn - September 28, 2010 11:30 AM
I love it when someone calls everyone losers, but spells it "loosers". It pretty much F's your accusation in the A.
11. naas (TRO) - September 28, 2010 11:35 AM
I can see myself in that guys mask
12. GUY - September 28, 2010 11:40 AM
Mrs?????
Who the fuck put a woman in charge of anything?
That has FAIL written all over it.
13. They mostly come out at night...mostly - September 28, 2010 11:40 AM
How are they going to sterelize them? I rather impregnate one.
14. MJC - September 28, 2010 11:41 AM
Story is not true. Sorry kids.
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/discoblog/2010/09/27/dont-give-up-hope-earth-has-not-yet-selected-an-alien-ambassador/
15. jk - September 28, 2010 11:45 AM
Really Geedub? What if it's a robot civilization? You're gonna get probed. But maybe that's why you're a looser. (@8,10)
16. Closet Nerd (◕_◕)┌∩┐my fingers smell like your mom........ just sayin - September 28, 2010 11:57 AM
GW, is it safe in assuming your wingman doesn't need to have clean urine?
.... or somethin
17. Dishy - September 28, 2010 12:13 PM
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Urine.
Urine who?
You're insane.
18. Bobby - September 28, 2010 12:48 PM
I've seen two UFO's in my life. One from long distance but one clear as a car passing in front of my house. It disappeared when me and my friend started pointing at it and screaming, "Do you see that? What the hell is that?" Who knows? Maybe it wasn't aliens but there are some strange things out there.
19. lol123 - September 28, 2010 12:52 PM
i still think most ufo's are just us sure 10 percent prob out of this world but rest are just military test planes and what not rofl XD
20. wanabe - September 28, 2010 1:10 PM
I nominate Mike Roe from dirty jobs
21. r k - September 28, 2010 2:24 PM
f*ck, that job is taken? i am going to apply to be ambassador to re-emergent dinosaurs, or maybe ambassador to the zombie horde.
22. clamhammer - September 28, 2010 3:54 PM
hope she likes tentacle pron
23. Feely McSmackup - September 28, 2010 7:05 PM
@10 I got one! heh
24. Nancy - September 29, 2010 1:57 AM
In my "career", teaching English to kids, I often pretend that they are friendly space aliens who are trying to communicate with me. As such, I believe I am eminently qualified for this position.
25. Tighter - September 29, 2010 11:26 AM
Loosers!
26. Uranus - September 30, 2010 5:26 PM
@22: second that