Sep 30 2010 Hotel's Curvature Causes 'Deathray' Effect

If you haven't heard already, Las Vegas is a dangerous place. And not just because you can lose your life savings and contract something from a prosty in the same weekend, but that shit happened to a couple of my friends and now I won't drink after them. Except alcohol. That stuff kills everything. Most importantly, the pain.

A totally unforeseen and unpredictable consequence of building a 57-foot curved mirror in the desert, the Vdara Death Ray is the affectionate nickname given to a phenomenon that's been plaguing poolside loungers staying at the hotel / spa. Among the victims is one Bill Pintas, whose tale of woe was recently printed in the Las Vegas Review-Journal:

[A]fter a brief dip in the hotel pool, he was sunning on a recliner. He was on his stomach, relaxed, eyes closed. But suddenly, the lawyer became so uncomfortably hot that he leaped up to move. He tried to put on his flip-flop sandals but, inexplicably, they were too hot to touch. So he ran barefoot to the shade. "I was effectively being cooked," Pintas said. "I started running as fast as I could without looking like a lunatic." Then he smelled an odor, and realized it was coming from his head, where a bit of hair had been scorched.

Hoho, looks like money isn't the only thing burning in Vegas! Get it? Because goofus there scorched his domepiece. Now, here's what you do: put the hotel on casters so you can spin it around and burn all nearby hotels to the ground. BOOM -- monopoly. Which is exactly why the second Death Star was built. The Empire was tired of those Ewoks stealing all their tourist dollars!

Hit the jump for a diagram of the hotel explaining the deathray phenomenon in case you're better with pictures than words (aren't we all).

Continue Reading " Hotel's Curvature Causes 'Deathray' Effect "

Sep 30 2010 Allegedly Genuine Photo Of Planar Eclipse

I know it looks Photoshopped to high hell, but this is an actual photograph of a plane trying its damnedest to eclipse the moon. It reminds me of the scene in the original Batman when the Batwing eclipses the moon, except less badass because that one formed the Bat-signal and this one formed clipart.

Photographer Chris Thomas in South East Queensland, Australia used a moon tracker in a place where there was a decent amount of airplane traffic to capture the photo, using an exposure time of 1/250th of a second.

Good looking, Chris. It just goes to show that, with enough time, patience and equipment, anybody can take a picture nobody else will ever believe is real. ADMIT IT CHRIS -- ADMIT IT'S SHOPPED!

Stunning photo of plane crossing in front of the moon [dvice]

Thanks to The Podiatrist, who claims the sight of too many bunions and ingrown toenails has ruined his fetish. Your fetish and my lunch both, buddy.

Sep 30 2010 Shaming The Caterpillars: Carved Leaf Art

Carved leaf art is exactly what it sounds like: actual leaves carved into art. Or -- OR -- actual art carved into leaves. Either way, my hands are far too shaky to ever attempt anything like this. And that's not just my drinking problem talking, although of course it is because that f***er never shuts up. "BEER ME! Wait, wait -- take a shot first."

Natural leaf carving is actual manual cutting and removal of a leaf's surface to produce an art work on a leaf.

The process of carving is performed by artists using tools to carefully remove the surface without cutting or removing the veins. The veins add detail into the subject matter of the carving. The material or most common leaf used in leaf carving is the leaf of a Chinar tree. The Chinar tree is native to India, Pakistan and China. Chinar leaves have a close resemblance to maple leaves.

Chinar trees, huh? Are those anything like Americar trees? No? Russiar trees? Because I heard in Russia (you already saw this coming from a mile away, didn't you?) trees cut you down. But Zangief already has low self-esteem!

Hit the jump for five more of the holy shit that's some hand/eye coordination.

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Sep 30 2010 Truck Turned Into Giant Driveable Radio Flyer

Note: Higher-res shot HERE.

What do you do if you grew up during the Great Depression and were always too poor to own a Radio Flyer? Wait till you're like a hundred and then build one out of a truck! But does it always have to be towed?

Fred Keller and Judy Foster worked on the car for 11 months, and finished in August of this year, and their ride has been turning heads.

The base of the wagon is a 1976 Mazda pickup truck that Foster inherited form her dad.

The vehicle turns heads everywhere they go.

"I think the words I hear the most often is 'awesome' or 'cool' or people go by and give us a 'hi' sign," Foster said.

The wheels are made from hub caps and detergent bottles, and the steering wheel is the actual wheel from a wagon. The handle rises eight feet high.

First of all, I don't see any safety belts and you two are already knock knock knockin' on heaven's door. Secondly, if you come to a quick stop does the wagon handle fall and smash the shit out of the car in front of you? Because I'd like to imagine yes. I'd also like to imagine that driver was being an @$$hole. Shake your fist at him too!

Hit the jump for a bunch more shots of the build process.

Continue Reading " Truck Turned Into Giant Driveable Radio Flyer "

Sep 30 2010 Whoo, Minecraft Mania!: Guy Building Fully Functional Computer Inside The Game

Haha, who just shaved their dog's genitals and gave him a bath in-between posts? This guy! Taking a clue from the guy who built a fully functional calculator in Little Big Planet, Youtube user theinternetftw is in the process of building an entire 16-bit computer in Minecraft. *mind explodes, sending erotic memories of past dino lovers everywhere*

This is the first part of a planned 16-bit computer that will run entirely in minecraft.

The design was drawn up in an awesome program called Redstone Simulator (does what it says on the tin), which was written by Baezon on the Minecraft Forums

MCEdit was used to help clear off space and import the design into minecraft. Hours of experimenting with prototypes, modifications to the design, and debugging took place in the game itself, however.

This project is far from over. Memory, here I come...

Impressive! What can't spending endless hours toiling away in Minecraft build? Haha, besides meaningful relationships. Which -- who needs 'em anyway? (I'm building a dino-park)

Hit the jump for a video of the computer in action.

Continue Reading " Whoo, Minecraft Mania!: Guy Building Fully Functional Computer Inside The Game "

Sep 30 2010 It Was Only A Matter Of Time: Na'vi Fleshlight

Note: Jump probably NSFW due to fake alien-vaj.

To coincide with the release of Hustler's Avatar pr0n parody, Fleshlight is making an "alien" version of their famous male sex-toy. "Honey -- I think the blue flashlight in the tool chest next to your Neytiri poster is out of batteries".

Go where no manhood has gone before past the strangely alluring double clitoris of the Alien vagina. This mesmerizing pearlescent blue Alien begs to beam you up for a close encounter of the preferred kind.

The exclusive Alien texture combines the feel of three of our most popular textures to create one out-of-this-world experience. Tantalizing sinews swirl together mimicking our famous Vortex canal before breaking through to a Lotus node that finally gives way to our most intense texture, the STU.

I'm not gonna lie, I felt dirty just reading that. You can buy the sadness alone for $75, or get it and the movie and -- AND -- two pairs of crappy 3-D glasses for $90. Which leads me to my next question: why two pairs?

Hit the jump for two more NSFW shots and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " It Was Only A Matter Of Time: Na'vi Fleshlight "

Sep 30 2010 New Earth-Like Planet Discovered, Crackpot Astronomer Says "Chance Of Life, 100%"

Listen bro, nothing's 100%. There are only two things in life that are given and that's regret and depression. Because one time I studied for an exam so hard I KNEW I was gonna get a 100%. You know what I got? A f***ing 0. I kept snoozing my alarm and never left the dorm. Long story short: I propositioned my professor, still failed the class, and had to take it again in the summer. And THAT, my friends, is what happens when you're 100% confident: a semester of office-hour HJ's for nothing.

If confirmed, the exoplanet, named Gliese 581g, would be the first Earth-like world found residing in a star's habitable zone -- a region where a planet's temperature could sustain liquid water on its surface.

"Personally, given the ubiquity and propensity of life to flourish wherever it can, I would say, my own personal feeling is that the chances of life on this planet are 100 percent," said Steven Vogt, a professor of astronomy and astrophysics at the University of California, Santa Cruz, during a press briefing today. "I have almost no doubt about it."

Two questions: do they have Unobtanium, and are the natives hostile? Because if you answered yes to the first question, regardless of the second, I say we nuke the whole damn planet and scoop up the pieces with giant space-nets. What?! I ain't taking an arrow to the face and I sure as hell ain't wearing a blue kitty suit and running around having sex with trees (BTDT, squirrel literally cracked one of my nuts).

Odds of Life on Newfound Earth-Size Planet '100 Percent,' Astronomer Says [space]

Thanks to kanbo, Josh and Brent, who are already packing their bags.

Sep 30 2010 Officially Licensed Retro Batmobile Replicas

Some company called Fiberglass Freaks (I'm more of an Asbestos Freak myself) is manufacturing officially licensed replicas of the 1966 Batmobile Adam West used to drive when he wasn't too busy pretending to climb building exteriors. And all for $150K! Move over, that Ferrari I had my eye on!

Each car takes six months to build and features an array of working gadgets, including a red flashing beacon, a radar screen called 'Detect-a-scope', a retractable, gold-coloured 'Batbeam' and a dashboard DVD player.

The flamethrower in the original Batmobile was the result of the car's turbine engine, but the replica uses a propane tank - mounted in the boot - to create the same effect.

The Lincoln Futura on which the Batmobile is based was never actually put into production, but after finding a body shell on eBay in 2004, Racop had the basis of his replica.

The chassis and running gear come from a Lincoln Town Car, onto which a fibreglass body is placed. The licence from D.C. Comics limits the company to making just eight per year, which renders it one of the world's most exclusive production cars.

TUMBLER I'D PREFER A TUMBLER. I mean this thing's super cool and all, it's just a little...dated for my taste. But hey, if you're a middle-aged man popping a childhood chubby for the thing, who am I to judge? JUST THE MAN FOR THE JOB, THAT'S WHO! ZOMG your wife is gonna kill you. The hair plugs look great though, barely noticeable. I'm kidding, they've been screaming at me since the moment you walked in.

Hit the jump for several more shots of the "holy stop-short Batman, your hand's on my breast!"

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Sep 29 2010 I Want One!: Iran's Fleet Of Flying Boats Equipped With Machine Guns, Missiles

Iran a mile in under six minutes once, I'm just sayin'. And I didn't need no flying boat with guns to do it either, just a handful of amphetamines. Kidding, I would have had a heart attack. And not the good kind where all your organs wear cowboy & Indian costumes and duke it out in your abdomen either, I'm talking about the kind that'll actually kill ya. And not with kindness -- with you clutching your chest begging, "oh shit Lord, please don't take me now!" Anyway, an Iranian flying boat with machine guns and possible missile attachments. "Solid lead-in, GW." Thanks homes, I thought so.

As for its criticisms, the Bavar 2 has been accused of being very "kit," as in it looks like a watercraft you could have ordered online and assembled yourself. Just do a Google image search for "hoverwing" and you'll see many craft like it.

There's also the big question of just how stealthy it is. Iranian officials claims that its hull makes it undetectable by radar, though videos of the thing flying show that it's pretty damn loud. The blue paint job probably works well enough -- the Bavar 2 doesn't fly high enough for its red underbelly to ever really factor in -- it really mostly skims above the water.

I don't care what they say, I want one. You just watch -- give it a year a two and all the modern pirates are gonna be rockin' blanes. Distract you with a couple loopty-loops and maybe some sky writing, and next thing you know, RAT-A-TAT-A-TAT-A-TAT -- you're under heavy fire. And heavy fire, as you might know, is fire with extra deuterium in it. Get it? That one was for all you chemists!

Video of the blanes in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " I Want One!: Iran's Fleet Of Flying Boats Equipped With Machine Guns, Missiles "

Sep 29 2010 Looks Booboo: First Glimpse Of Avatar Pr0n

Remember when Hustler announced they were making a 3-D parody of Avatar and it was gonna be the company's most costly production to date? Well it looks like the number to beat was $200, because this thing looks like a giant Na'vi turd. And not a golden one like that goose in the fairy tale lays, oh no -- I'm talking about a stinking pile an elephant wouldn't even come near for fear of never forgetting. You see, elephants can't booze like we can, which is why they have such good memories. Also, why I never want to come back as an elephant.

SFW trailer for the POS after the jump.

Continue Reading " Looks Booboo: First Glimpse Of Avatar Pr0n "

Sep 29 2010 BOND Bike Features Ejector Seat, Skis, Tank Tread, Flamethrower. Still Needs Streamers, Oil Slick, Baseball Cards Between Spokes

The BOND (Built of Notorious Deterrents) bike was designed and crafted by Yannick Read to help bring awareness to green transportation and sell bicycle insurance at the same time. It has several features that would make even 007 consider going green except not really because when it comes to seducing the ladies an Aston Martin with a magnum of chilled champagne in the console > a bike with a warm sports bottle half-filled with Gatorade and backwash. I'm just sayin'!

With the next James Bond film canned owing to a lack of cash, a new bicycle equipped with flame-thrower and ejector seat could be ideal way for a cash-strapped 007 to get to work.

The flame-thrower fitted in the handlebars prevents overtaking motorists getting too close. The ejector seat disposes of thieves who beat the padlock and chain. And the bike - which would make Bond's gadget inventor, Q, proud -also boasts a caterpillar track for smooth riding over pot-holed roads.

Wait -- the new James Bond was canned? I didn't hear about that. I guess even spies are getting hit by the economy. Certainly sheds some light on the bum holding a "WILL SELL GOVERNMENT SECRETS FOR FOOD" sign I saw earler. I winged a handful of change at him. You know what he told me? "They're telling me to pee on the sidewalk". WHO -- THE GOVERNMENT? THE GOVERNMENT'S TELLING YOU THIS?! Aaaaand that's when I felt the splatter on my legs.

A video of the (questionable) ejector seat and flamethrower in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " BOND Bike Features Ejector Seat, Skis, Tank Tread, Flamethrower. Still Needs Streamers, Oil Slick, Baseball Cards Between Spokes "

Sep 29 2010 Monkey Island Jedi: Guybrush Threepwood Unlockable Character In New Force Unleased

Because the entire Monkey Island franchise will always hold a very special place in my heart (right next to Cool Ranch Doritos and watching people hurt themselves), I have a soft spot for Guybrush Threepwood. So yeah, it was just announced he'll be an unlockable character in The Force Unleashed 2. And speaking of unleashed forces -- a guy in my apartment building thinks it's cool to walk his THREE ANNOYING BARKY-ASS DOGS without leashes and let them crap wherever they want and not pick up the logs. So you know what I did? Picked them up for him (and smushed them under his apartment door with a broom handle).

I Think This Is the Secret of Monkey Island [toplessrobot] (metal mammaries -- DO NOT WANT)

Thanks to Phil, who's letters to LucasArts asking how they made Stan's jacket have all gone unanswered. It's future technology, Phil.

Sep 29 2010 Meh: Raytheon's Updated Exo-Skeleton Suit

Seen here about to send some wood blocks to meet their maker, Raytheon's XOS exoskeletal suit has been upgraded (XOS 2, baby!), and now requires 50% less energy to operate than the original. Other improvement? It's lighter and faster. *yawn* Pretty weak improvements. I wouldn't even call it XOS 2, it's more like XOS 1.0001. Wake me up when there's an integrated rocket pack and some laser-y shit going on.

Raytheon has unveiled its second-generation powered exoskeleton, the XOS 2, coinciding with the release of Iron Man 2 on DVD. The XOS 2 is ligher, faster and uses 50% less power than the XOS 1 proof-of-concept robotic suit. Powered by an internal-combustion engine driving hydraulic actiations, the exoskeleton allows its wearing to lift 200lb repeatedly without tiring, says Raytheon, but is agile enough to climb stairs, kick a ball etc.

Pfft, I can already lift 200lbs without tiring. Don't believe me? Look at my pants. See how they bulge around the knees? I've got four little-people swinging from my balls. Just sayin', came in fourth in a half-marathon.

Hit the jump for a video of the new and ever-so-slightly improved exoskeleton in action.

Continue Reading " Meh: Raytheon's Updated Exo-Skeleton Suit "

Sep 29 2010 Dangerous Games: Beware Of Nintendogs DS

Nintendogs is a Nintendo DS game intended for children whose parents won't get them a real dog. Unfortunately, the game is NOT intended for children who have friends who have real dogs that will bite your lip off if they hear your DS barking. And you wonder why I'm afraid to make friends!

Megan Walker's family say a friend's bull mastiff cross went berserk when it heard barking on a Nintendo DS game.

The dog sank its teeth into her face, bit her several times and ripped off her top lip.

Quick-thinking police officers put the piece of lip on ice and surgeons were able to sew it back on.

'I think this game should carry some kind of warning,' said the girl's grandma Jean Taylor.

'People should be told not to play it when there are dogs in the room. I blame the game for what happened to Megan. If they hadn't been playing it I don't think the dog would have gone for her.'

Blaming the game? Really, grandma? What if a dog barks on TV, who do you blame for that -- Animal Planet? F*** no, it's Cesar Millan's fault and you and I both know it!

Terrified schoolgirl, 9, has top lip ripped off by dog after it heard barking on her Nintendo DS [dailymail]

Thanks to TheEmortal, who once had a cat try to claw his eyes out after hearing him get a Tetris.

Sep 29 2010 Of Course It Is, George Lucas, Of Course It Is: Entire Star Wars Series To Get 3-D Treatment

Because George Lucas' dingleberrydom knows no bounds, it was just announced the entire Star Wars hexlogy will be stereoed into 3-D and look worse than that picture I used. Sonofabitch.

There are few movies that lend themselves more perfectly to 3D; from the Death Star trench run to the Tatooine Podrace, the Star Wars Saga has always delivered an entertainment experience that is completely immersive. Presented by Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm Ltd., the cutting edge conversion will take that immersion to the next thrilling level, with Industrial Light & Magic supervising the project. Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace is expected to be released theatrically in 2012. A release date has not yet been determined.

Ugh. Not only are they forcing the movies into 3-D, they're not even skipping the shitty ones. WTF George?! I swear I am *this close* to starting rumors that Skywalker Ranch is turning into a Neverland Ranch situation, if you catch my drift. I'm talking a zoo and carnival rides, yo. People gonna think you're a freak!

The Star Wars Saga in 3D! [starwars] (with video of guy talking about the process)

Thanks to laustinspace, who -- aren't we all? That was a metaphor for like, not knowing very much about the universe and stuff. Too deep for you? That's why your mommy makes you wear water-wings.

Sep 29 2010 Nom Nom *SNIKT*: Wolverine Cakes

This is a Wolverine cake. I know it's kind of hard to tell because the claws are pointed directly at you and made out of aluminum foil, but that's what it is. And there's a different one after the jump with foam claws. Neither one is really the best thing I've ever seen, but neither one is a naked lady reading comics in a kiddy pool filled with beer so what did you expect? "I expected a little more." Haha, well that was your bad.

Hit the jump for another shot of this POC and two more of another.

Continue Reading " Nom Nom *SNIKT*: Wolverine Cakes "

Sep 28 2010 Cheapskate!: Gimme, The Panhandling Robot

Gimme is a panhandling robot designed and built by artist Chris Eckert. Basically he follows you around with that googly eye of his and shakes his money-cup at you until you 1) make a donation or 2) kick him over, douse him in gasoline and watch that ass burn its way back to Satan. You know, or you could ignore him. But like Edmund Burke once said, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." So I ask, will you do nothing and let evil triumph? Because I'd like to think you'd pick up a pipe and beat the metallic f*** out of this dirtbag. Come on -- he's not even poor, he just panhandles because he's too lazy to get a job! Oh -- I feel a little jingle coming on!

Gimme a break,

Gimme a break,
Break me off his eyeball and kick 'em down the stairs!

Thank you, thank you. If you liked what you heard feel free to leave a donation in the hat. What? I'M A STREET PERFORMER, THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video of the beggar in action.

Continue Reading " Cheapskate!: Gimme, The Panhandling Robot "

Sep 28 2010 Dedication, You Have It: Guy Builds 1:1 Scale Replica Of Starship Enterprise In Minecraft

Remember the guy who couldn't even build a fireplace in Minecraft without burning his entire house down? Hey McFly, YOU BOJO -- THOSE BOARDS DON'T WORK ON WATER! Well some other guy went and spent over a year making a 1:1 scale model of the Starship Enterprise. There's a video of him explaining the feat in exactly the voice I imagined from someone who just built a 1:1 scale model of the Enterprise in Minecraft after the jump, which is at least worth a skip-around. And speaking of skip-arounds, what do you say you and I hold hands and prance down the street? No? No takers? *pointing* HAIRY PALMS THIS GUY'S GOT HAIRY PALMS!

Hit the jump for video and a link to dude's Youtube page which has a ton more information about the build (which is ACTUALLY 22% bigger than the actual ship).

Continue Reading " Dedication, You Have It: Guy Builds 1:1 Scale Replica Of Starship Enterprise In Minecraft "

Sep 28 2010 Graphic Arist Is Too Graphic: Kirby's Epic Yarn

I always pinned Kirby for one of those fatties that can't even find his dork in the shower. Little did I know! Also, I love the artists that design things like this and then pretend they didn't know. Kind of like the Disney animators who sneak a phallus in every chance they get. Is, uh, is this cartoon for kids? WIENERS SCENE NEEDS WIENERS!

Check Out Kirby's Epic ... Uh ... [kotaku]

Thanks to Jessica F, who's busy writing a thesis comparing Kirby's magical star-peen to the lightning scar on Harry Potter's forehead. I'm not gonna lie, sounds like an A+ already.

Sep 28 2010 Good Find: Real Life Pac-Man Discovered

DeviantARTist Kalapusa, best known for his Piranha Plant garden sculpture, is back at it, this time with a lifelike Pac-Man sculpture. As you can see, Pac isn't nearly as adorable when rendered in more than 8-bits, which is exactly why you should never make love to Ms. Pac-Man without first feeding her every lamp in the hotel room. Per Dr. Frankenstein himself:

My follow-up to Making a Piranha Plant, this animated depiction of the last days and final destination of a P. rotundus specimen is part of my 8-Bit Labs series of sculptures.

Each piece is based on a classic videogame character as seen through the prism of real-life anatomy. They are rendered in clay, painted with acrylics and sealed in resin to give the appearance of a specimen preserved in formaldehyde. Seen here is a Pakku rotundus, which is based on Pac Man.

Good lookin', Kalapusa. I always wanted to know what Pac would look like in real life, and now that I do I can chalk it up as another one of those things I wish I hadn't. Like watching two giraffes mate, but without having to camp out at the zoo for ten days (Kidding -- totally worth it).

Hit the jump for a couple more shots (including one in formaldehyde) and a worthwhile video.

Continue Reading " Good Find: Real Life Pac-Man Discovered "

Sep 28 2010 Members Only? I'll Cut You!: Knife Coathooks

We've already seen ninja-star and joystick coathooks, so why not $15 knife coathooks? Yes, why not knives? "Because they promote violence?" Um, no, stop being stupid. I'm not even allowed near safety-scissors and I'm still one of the most violent people I know. Seriously, last night I lost a game of Bejeweled on the PS3 and I punched the couch so hard it started shitting loose change. "OMG -- enough to buy a 40?" Hoho, enough to buy two 40's, my friend. Violence is never the answer my ass, violence got daddy all kindsa drunk last night. Plus two kinds of pukey! (Projectile and dry)

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " Members Only? I'll Cut You!: Knife Coathooks "

Sep 28 2010 6 Is Never Enough: Guy Gets Avatar Tattoo #7

Note: Two super high-res shots HERE (full back) and HERE (closeup).

I know some of you don't care because you can't appreciate the finer more permanent things in life, but I'm obsessed with Avatar tattoo guy (you Albertans must really be proud!). And not just because of his exquisite tricep hair, but you've got to admit I'm not the only one who wants to rub his face on the back of those arms! My God that hair looks pubic aside, guy just got Neytiri tat #7 (lower middle, with bow & arrow) completed, and boy does it look good kind of like her.

Hit the jump for a non high-res closeup.

Continue Reading " 6 Is Never Enough: Guy Gets Avatar Tattoo #7 "

Sep 28 2010 Scarred For Life: Robotic Vajayjay Gives Birth

Note: Probably NSFW video is after the jump because I don't want any crying robot babies popping out and slopping on the front page.

This is a video of a robotic vagina giving birth complete with the most terrifying sounds I've ever heard in my 29 years of existence (not even kidding). And yes, in case you didn't notice I did take a screencap from the "forceps" section of the video because I'm a firm believer in "if I have to see something, so do you". Haha, no need to thank me, although a card would be nice every once in awhile. *sniff* Anthrax -- for me?!

Hit the jump and wish you hadn't.

Continue Reading " Scarred For Life: Robotic Vajayjay Gives Birth "

Sep 28 2010 How Am I Not The Man For The Job?: United Nations Seeks Space Ambassador To Aliens

Sorry folks, I already submitted my application and I'm just waiting for the callback. However -- I will consider you for my cabinet if you can provide me with warm, clean urine on an as-needed basis. *reading article* Wait a minute -- they already chose somebody?! But I haven't even started campaigning!

Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist, is set to be tasked with co-ordinating humanity's response if and when extraterrestrials make contact.

Professor Richard Crowther, an expert in space law at the UK space agency who leads delegations to the UN, said: "Othman is absolutely the nearest thing we have to a 'take me to your leader' person".

Opinion is divided about how future extraterrestrial visitors should be greeted. Under the Outer Space Treaty on 1967, which Unoosa oversees, UN members agreed to protect Earth against contamination by alien species by "sterilising" them.

Mrs Othman is understood to support a more tolerant approach.

*facepalm* Listen: you and I both know I was practically made for this position. Some would even argue it's why I was put on this planet and not Krypton, and those people would be 100% correct. And I'm not just saying that because I want to be first in line for all the blue-green trim that's coming our way, but I did just call dibs. I will let you be my wingman though if you help me impeach this Mazlan character. Oh -- and I always get the one with more titties.

UN 'to appoint space ambassador to greet alien visitors' [telegraph]

Thanks to Kyol, who will serve as director of the Department For Covering Up My Numerous Alien Affairs.

Sep 27 2010 Government: Smart Phones, Facebook, Skype, Etc. Should All Be Wire-Tappable

So the U.S. government wants all modern methods of communication wire-tap compliant so they can win both the wars on terror AND teens trying to buy weed. Oh -- looks like it's time to break out the ol' flint and blanket, folks. I'M TALKIN' SMOKE SIGNALS, YO!

The Obama administration plans to submit a bill to Congress next year that will require technologies like BlackBerry, Facebook, and Skype to be capable of complying with a wiretap order, including the ability to intercept and unscramble encrypted messages. Since there are no hackers that can best the U.S. government, this sounds like a foolproof plan! James X. Dempsey, vice-president of the Center for Democracy and Technology, says the proposal challenges fundamental aspects of the way the Internet works, including its decentralized design: "They basically want to turn back the clock and make Internet services function the way that the telephone system used to function."

Now before I leave both sides of the aisle to beat the shit out of each other while I slip off and case the Capitol building for valuables, I'd like to say this: NOTHING. Get it? Because they're listening.

The U.S. Wants to Wiretap Your Internet [nymag]

Thanks to Brittany, who's voice sounds like an angel and I'd listen to even if she was just ordering pizza.

Sep 27 2010 Oh Hai Toughguy!: Giant WoW Horde Tattoo

This is some World of Warcraft player's giant Horde (horde? you're not hording anything but chips and soda!) inspired tattoo. It's kind of hard wrapping your head around the idea that there might actually be some real-life badasses out there playing Warcraft, but that's because there's not and this guy's a pussy. Farmville FTW, nancy!

World of Warcraft for "The Horde" Tattoo [enchanting-breathtaking]
via
World of Warcraft Horde Tattoo has Ability to Impress the Alliance [obviouswinner]

Thanks to Steven, who insists he's the only real man playing on the Arygos server.

Sep 27 2010 I'll Never Eat Another Sandwich: British Food Supplier Fined $27K For "Mickey" Bread

I'm not saying I've never eaten a mouse before but that's because I have and I'm not proud about it. But I would still cry myself to sleep every night if I was making a sandwich and found a dead one at the bottom of the loaf. But it happened, oh, it happened. Just not to me, which is why I'll be fine if I just take a break from the PB&J's for a bit.

Mr Forse said he had already used some of the bread when he noticed "a dark-coloured object embedded in the corner of three or four slices".

"As I looked closer I saw that the object had fur on it."

Mr Forse said he continued to prepare some sandwiches for his children and their friends from another loaf of bread.

"I checked carefully each slice in turn as I felt quite shaken," he added.

"As I was feeling ill I couldn't face eating anything myself. I sat with the children as they ate theirs."

Pfft, what are you, some kind of king? Nobody just so happens to have an extra loaf of bread lying around. Admit it -- you made mouse sandwiches for your kids and their friends and you and I both know it! Not that I blame you, because I would have done the same thing and then sat there trying my damnedest not to laugh, but that's because I'm a terrible human being. Just like you. High-five, sicko!

Firm fined after dead mouse found in loaf of bread [bbcnews]

Thanks to Rev Dr Dom and Saif, who have both tried hamster bread and can attest to it making them want to run in a wheel afterward.

Sep 27 2010 I'd Rather Have Split-Ends AND Dandruff: Panasonic's (Killer) Hairwashing Robot

If there's one thing you should never let a robot near, it's your genitals. Followed by your head. Your children are third. But this post is all about #2. And I'm not talkin' dookie, although I may have let a little slip pretending I was in that chair.

Panasonic's hair-washing robot scans each human head three-dimensionally to apply just the right amount of pressure during the shampoo, massage, and rinse phases. It recognizes repeat customers and then applies that person's preferred massage course using its human-like sixteen "fingers." Each arm contains a trio of motors to power swing, press, and massage motions... or to snap your spinal column should you decide to sass.

If you turn your head during the process does it gouge your eyes out? Because I bet it does. I also bet part of my liver the world would end in 2009 which is why my body can't filter alcohol like it used to. I know, I know, I should have done it earlier. Which is why I'm betting the rest of it the Redskins win the Superbowl.

Panasonic's hair-washing robot: rinse, kill, repeat [engadget]

Thanks to Ben, John, 43 y/o undead warlock, Josue and carmine, who, [insert "I said dye job, not die job!" joke here].

Sep 27 2010 ZOMG, Call Samus: Metroids Are Real

Metroids, best known for attaching themselves to your head and trying to suck your life-force out like an ex, are apparently real. Finally, an excuse to call Samus that doesn't involve "peepin' that sessy ass".

Four thousand feet beneath the surface of the Pacific Ocean, water temperatures hover around a chilly 37° Fahrenheit, and the tiny sparks of bioluminescent life forms provide the only light. In this dark, cold world, scientists have discovered a strange new predator - a gelatinous, blood-red jellyfish that can reach up to three meters in diameter. Named Tiburonia granrojo (Spanish for big red), this massive jelly is particularly unusual because it lacks tentacles, which most jellies use to catch their food. Instead, Big Red has between four and seven thick, wrinkled arms.

And speaking of wrinkled arms: old people. I can't even eat around them it grosses me out so bad. No lie, I was eating at this Jewish deli (Canter's) over the weekend and it looked like this one old geezer had Shar-Peis for arms. Needless to say, my Rueben made an encore.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the "oh shit, will a tin-foil hat help?!"

Continue Reading " ZOMG, Call Samus: Metroids Are Real "

Sep 27 2010 Man Builds Larger Than Life Drivable R2-D2

Some guy went and built a giant R2-D2 model that you can climb in and drive around. Why? Because it's awesome and gave him an excuse to hide in the garage away from the wife and kids for a bit. There's a video of him cruising around the driveway after the jump, which is worth checking out. I especially liked the part when his son comes up and asks all rude-like, "what're you doin'?" WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT AM I DOING? R2-DAD2's HAVING THE ONLY FUN HE'S BEEN ABLE TO SINCE YOU WERE BORN IS WHAT I'M DOING! Now -- go fetch me a beer, it's hotter than a hot trashcan in here."

Hit the jump for a minute long video of not the dad you're looking for.

Continue Reading " Man Builds Larger Than Life Drivable R2-D2 "

Sep 27 2010 Telescope + iPhone 4 + Moon = This Picture

Geekologie Reader and photographer Douglas Saunders decided to see what would happen if he took a picture with his iPhone 4 through the eyepiece of his uncle's telescope. This is the resulting image. Pretty impressive, huh? I thought so. So impressive, in fact, I was inspired to do a little of my own iPhone-telephotography this weekend. Didn't I, girls tanning by the rooftop pool across from my apartment building? What? I'm an asstronomer! *swish*

Hit the jump for a shot of the rig used.

Continue Reading " Telescope + iPhone 4 + Moon = This Picture "

Sep 27 2010 Hands-Free!: A Mouth-Powered Light Switch

Chris Haines (not to be confused with pedo-buster Chris Hansen) designed this 'Turn Me On' power switch. It turns lights on and off not by the flick of a finger, but by the blow of an ear. How erotic! Now I know what you're thinking, "but GW -- wouldn't it be easier to find in the dark if was a giant honkin' penis?" And that, my friend, is what I call logical thinking.

Chris Haines - "Turn Me On" Switch Plate [snewty]

Thanks to lil co., who knows just how to turn me on. Yow yow!

Sep 27 2010 Owner Of Segway Company (NOT Inventor) Dies After Riding Segway Off Cliff, Into River

Proving that you should never dip your pen in company ink, Jim Heselden died over the weekend after riding a Segway off a cliff and into a river. Jim had purchased the Segway company from inventor Dean Kamen last year. I suspect very foul play.

Police said a witness had reported seeing a man fall over a 30-foot drop into the river near Boston Spa, 140 miles north of London.

"Police were called at 11.40 a.m. yesterday to reports of a man in the River Wharfe, apparently having fallen from the cliffs above," a spokesman told The Daily Mail.

A Segway was recovered from the scene. "At this time we do not believe the death to be suspicious," the spokesman added.

Not suspicious?!?!? If you see your Segway's about to run off a cliff YOU JUMP OFF. No, I'm afraid there was definitely foul play involved here. Detective -- check the man's shoes for Super Glue. Nothing? Damn. And the handle bars? Well, I think it's pretty safe to say he was poisoned.

Rest in peace, Jim.

Segway company owner rides scooter off a cliff [msnbc]

Thanks to Missouri Matt, Alex, Texico Jones, 43 y/o undead warlock and comfort eagle, who are all smart enough to never use products made by the companies they work for.

Sep 27 2010 Demolition Man's Last Murder In Los Angeles

Aaaaand we're back. You know what I love about Mondays? Not a single f***ing thing. But that's neither here nor back in bed where I belong, according to the 1993 piece of shit futuristic classic Demolition Man, the last murder in Los Angeles took place this past Saturday, September 25, 2010. Which is pretty funny considering I just saw a Cadillac dump a body in my apartment's recycling bin and speed off. But who knows, maybe that was the last victim. *turns on local news* Nope, Hollywood lied.

Hit the jump for the 11:00 of the movie where the date is explained (starting around 8:30), or if you just want to wax futuristic nostalgia and stick it to the man for a bit.

Continue Reading " Demolition Man's Last Murder In Los Angeles "

Sep 24 2010 Word Wizardry!: The Stokes-Whibley Natural Index Of Supernatural Collective Nouns

Note: Full resolution, non-eye-straining version HERE.

Have you ever wondered what to call a specific group of something? Not me, I just call everything a group of whatever it is (i.e. "This party is a group of all wieners"). But apparently there are even more specific "collective nouns" (half of which are make-believe) for things that you can use if you're intelligent. Me? I'm not even gonna pretend. Except I do happen to know a group of crows is called a murder. "Oh shit, tell us more, GW!" And I wish I could, but I'd have to crow-orgy your ass (I think I'm getting the hang of this!).

The Stokes-Whibley Natural Index Of Supernatural Collective Nouns [wondermark]
via
Supernatural Collective Nouns [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Mary, who knows what to call everything because she's a word witch unless she finds the term witch derogatory in which case she's a spelling shaman. Diction magician? Noun necromancer? SHE'S GUD WITH WERDS.

Sep 24 2010 Stop Calling The Police, IT WASN'T ME

Because I'll never stop getting this accusatory tip until I've made a statement and cleared my good name: no, I am NOT the guy in Philadelphia that was caught having sex with a plastic dinosaur sculpture in front of two teenagers. That's just sick. Now please stop calling the cops, I'm trying to blog over here.

Days after Spanish researchers announced the discovery of a humpbacked dinosaur, police in Pennsylvania are searching for a man spotted humping a dinosaur. [GW's note: great lead-in, AOL News]

Law enforcement officials say a man exposed himself to two teenage girls in a park in Chester County on Sept. 19, then began "simulating a sex act with a large plastic dinosaur in the park," according to a police report quoted by Philly.com.

See? No way that could have been me, I live on the other side of the country. Granted I do live walking distance to the La Brea tar pits, but I only sneak in there after dark and only when no one else is around LIKE A NORMAL DAMN DINO LOVER. Now I know what you're thinking, "LOLWUT -- there's a normal kind of dino lover?" And yes, me.

Cops: Man Humps Dinosaur in Park [aolnews]

Thanks to John, Dr. Thrasher, Black, erik, pokechecker, mikey, Miss Bowser and a dog named Cat, who have been calling the cops on me all morning. Not cool guys -- if they see the dinos in my closet they'll lock me up and throw away the key!

Sep 24 2010 Clean Headline: Pink CAT Found In England

Somebody in England dyed a CAT (whew, way to keep it clean GW) pink and threw it over a fence into somebody else's yard this week because they're too stupid to realize cats don't get jokes. Dingleberries yes, jokes no.

The two-year-old, who has been named Pink, is said to be in good health.

However, vets have not been able to wash the dye out of her fur and she will have to wait for it to grow out.

"It is clearly not toxic but still unpleasant.

"The person responsible has covered her thoroughly all over but avoided putting any around the animal's eyes and nose.

"Further washing would stress Pink and probably would not help to remove the colour so it will be case of waiting for it to grow out."

I would have named her Cotton Candy. Get it? Because she looks like cotton candy. Geez, I wasn't trying to trick you. I do magic, not tricks. Prostitutes do tricks. And if there's one thing I'm not, it's a prostitute anymore.

One more shot of Hello Kitty after the jump.

Continue Reading " Clean Headline: Pink CAT Found In England "

Sep 24 2010 Dione And Rhea, Saturn's Space Knockers

Not particularly great names for boobs, but what are you gonna do? Crash a rocket into them and make cheese out all the moon-milk? You bet your sweet ass I'm gonna!

the top [right] moon there is Dione, and the bottom [left] one is Rhea. As Cassini flew by them, Dione was closer (a little more than 1.1 million km or about 690,000 miles), and Rhea farther away (1.6 million km or 1 million miles). The angle of Cassini's trajectory was just right such that Dione passed right in front of Rhea, and it snapped this image just as it happened.

From Cassini's viewpoint, the two appeared to momentarily connect. It just so happens the two have almost the same albedo (reflectance), making them look very similar in this picture, so where they overlap it looks like they're connected. Making this even more convincing is the big crater at the bottom of Dione, somehow fooling your eye into getting confused as to which moon it belongs to! So it's really easy for your brain to merge the two spherical moons into one figure-8 moon.

Pretty cool. Granted not as cool as if women had 13 nipples like these natural satellites, but my dog has 10 so that's not bad.

Dione and Rhea, sitting in a tree [badastronomy]

Thanks to Dr Necropolis, who wants to live there. Me too, Dr Necropolis, me too. Cue first commenter's "that's no moon..."

Sep 24 2010 How Not To Build A Fireplace In Minecraft

If you've never heard of Minecraft it's a little (per Wikipedia) "sandbox game which allows players to build constructions out of textured cubes in a 3D world." I know, I thought it looked like Wolfenstein 3-D too. Anyway, this is a tutorial on how to build a fireplace in your Minecraft home. Except not really because Captain Firehazard here ends up burning his place to the ground. It's worth a watch for the commentary alone. Not unlike Dancing with the Stars. That little flamboyant guy cracks my shit up! The old one too! The girl not so much.

Hit the jump for the worthwhile video, fire action starts at 1:10.

Continue Reading " How Not To Build A Fireplace In Minecraft "

Sep 24 2010 NOT COOL BROS: Bow And Arrow Robot

Because you can't be a robot sympathizer without being a giant f***ing racist as well (how do you feel about robots again?), some Italian scientists decided to dress a robot in faux Native American headdress and teach it archery. YOU'RE TERRIBLE PEOPLE! Just kidding (I have to say that because Dr. Kormushev sent the tip).

Dr. Petar Kormushev and his colleagues at the Italian Institute of Technology's (IIT) Advanced Robotics Dept. love to teach human skills to robots...Dr. Kormushev and company have now taught a robot to be a skilled archer in just eight tries.

Above is a picture of said archer. The good news is he has the body of a 3 and a half year old baby. The bad news is that he's iCub, an open source robot, so there's more of him out there. Kinda like little versions of the ones in I, Robot. Are they planning to make a mediocre movie? They must be stopped. But first we have to get our hands on ARCHER (Augmented Reward Chained Regression), the learning algorithm that enabled the iCub to learn to hit bulls eyes in the first place. After every trial, the iCub sees where his arrow hit and consequently adjusts his aim for the next try.

Wow, I've always known Italians are awful, shameless people who wear too much gold, but this is ridiculous. Huh? Oh I'm allowed to say that because I'm half Italian. The other half? French. KIDDING! God I felt dirty just saying it. Still love your fries!

Hit the jump for the last thing I'd ever want shooting an apple off my head in action.

Continue Reading " NOT COOL BROS: Bow And Arrow Robot "

Sep 24 2010 I'd Eat It (With Syrup): 3-D Dinosaur Pancakes

You see this 3-D T-rex constructed entirely out of pancakes? It was made by Jim. Jim is the Picasso of pancakes. The Van Gogh of the griddle. The....dammit, I thought I had this.

During our recent trip to New York we visited the Museum of Natural History. We got to see some really cool dinosaur skeletons. Allie thought they were pretty cool, so I thought I'd see if I could recreate one in pancake form.

Jim runs a blog appropriately titled 'Jim's Pancakes' where he showcases all sorts of his pancake art including the 2-D dinosaur and unicorn I posted after the jump. Good job, Jim, only problem is: I'm a waffle guy. What? They hold more syrup! And syrup, despite sound logic, makes a terrible last-minute lube (this isn't a toga, I'm stuck to my bedsheets).

Hit the jump for more and another link to Jim's blog (there's even a pancake toilet with chocolate chip turds!).

Continue Reading " I'd Eat It (With Syrup): 3-D Dinosaur Pancakes "

Sep 24 2010 Gambit's Not Impressed: Playing Card Shooter

Ever wanted to throw playing cards like Gambit? Good luck, his cards are magic. Just kidding, I can cut the wings off a fly from ten paces and still bring that shit back like a boomerang.

This [$20] device deals cards to players up to 3' feet away without flipped cards. It holds an entire deck of playing cards, and when you advance a card with your thumb, a pair of 1" diameter foam wheels spin, gently gripping the card and launching it horizontally. Cards are dealt as quickly as you can move your thumb.

Wow, way to lose your street cred at the poker table. Speaking of which -- *ahem* can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poooker faaaace. P-p-p-poker face, P-p-p-poker face. Haha, have fun getting that one out of your head, suckers! I'm not a jerk you're a jerk.

Hammacher Schlemmer Product Site
via
The Playing Card Shooter [walyou]

Sep 23 2010 I Said No Cups On The Car!: Police Officer Takes Patrol Car To Strip Club Car Wash, Pictures Posted On Facebook, Officer Fired

Cups, get it? Like bras. Except the booboo looking strippers in the picture actually set beverage cups on the hood (which I wouldn't stand for). They don't call me hawk-eyes for nothing you know. Is that a Wendy's next door?

A South Carolina police officer feared his cop car was looking dirty, so he took it to a stripper-sponsored "Tits n Tats" car wash to get his cruiser shined. There are pictures. They ended up on Facebook. He got fired.

"I think he took his personal car there first and then he went in his police car," Caldwell said. "I don't think he was trying to be malicious. I think he used completely poor judgment."

Haha, he took his personal car and then came back for more in the cruiser. That's hilarious. I would have just taken my personal car twice. Or -- OR -- stolen a car. Sure you miss out on the dash-cam footage, but that's a small price to pay for being able to set it on fire later and blame on a drug cartel. Haha, what do you mean forensics found titty residue on the windshield? *whistling*

Do Not Post Pictures of Strippers on the Hood of Your Cop Car on Facebook [gawker]
and
Geekologie's Facebook Page (where I will continue to post boozy pics to my heart's content)

Thanks to Jessica, who isn't one of the girls in the photo and boy is her dad happy about it.

Sep 23 2010 Black Magic Bartending: Pouring A Set Of Rainbow Shots All From The Same Shaker

Note: Short video of the magical deliciousness after the jump.

How can a bartender pour a set of multi-colored shots from the same shaker? SPOILER: it's called layering, and you can float one drink on top of another provided the specific gravity of the bottom is higher than the top (and you pour carefully). Yep, not to brag but I do pretty much know everything there is to know about the alcohols. Including, and not just limited to: I start feeling sick if my BAC falls below 0.20.

Yell cheers and hit the jump for some hot rainbow pouring action.

Continue Reading " Black Magic Bartending: Pouring A Set Of Rainbow Shots All From The Same Shaker "

Sep 23 2010 Professor Xavier (Or Hawking), Did You Do This?: Future Of Wheelchairing Techology

Is this the future of wheelchairing? Why's it dragging a bong behind it? These questions and more possibly answered in the quote I'm so graciously about to copy/paste:

Thomas Ross and Dave Cochrane put together a sleek, rather cool design and even made some practical improvements along the way.

Let's start with the wheels. These two large, hubless wonders actually use a "rear ball assembly," so that turns are more controlled, making it a lot easier to get around in tight places. The seat is made from a fabric that distributes body weight more evenly, limiting pressure sores and circulation problems. It also has a built-in storage compartment on the seat back, so it's easier to carry what you need.

BOOM! Consider your prayers questions answered! Except the bong thing, which is actually a ball that allows the chair to pivot and turn without forward motion. And speaking of pivoting and turning -- I'm actually taking swing-dance lessons right now. Now I know what you're thinking, "God you're a fruitcake so suave and debonair!" And it's true, I really am. As a matter of fact one time Mr. Peanut, Mr. Monopoly and myself all entered a suave and debonair contest and I ended up blowing them both out of the water.

Hit the jump for a couple closeups.

Continue Reading " Professor Xavier (Or Hawking), Did You Do This?: Future Of Wheelchairing Techology "

Sep 23 2010 No Heart, No Soul: Robocop's Anatomy

Ever wonder what makes Robocop tick? The time bomb I just strapped to his back! The real question is what makes Robocop stop ticking? Hopefully the same thing! Does Robocop eat stainless steel donuts? I have no idea but he does piss motor oil and crap nuts & bolts. Which, funny story: so have I (I'm really bad at putting IKEA shit together).

Hit the jump for the anatomy of Robocop's domepiece.

Continue Reading " No Heart, No Soul: Robocop's Anatomy "

Sep 23 2010 Finally!: What Lies At The End Of A Rainbow

I, for one, would not be disappointed if I found a Guinness truck at the end of a rainbow. Sure a pot of gold and a weensy green man (who you could sell to the circus) would be cool too, but I can always appreciate beer. Did I say appreciate? I meant chug until I pass out. Memories: why so hard to erase?

Gloomy Day WIN! [failblog]

Thanks to Shenanigans, who once tricked a friend into waiting for the school bus even though it was Saturday. Good one!

Sep 23 2010 Damn Ripley, You Handsome!: Impressive Aliens Power Loader Mecha Costume

Joking, I know it's not Ripley. It's Jake Sully, except standing. Huh? SHUT UP I KNOW MY SIGOURNEY WEAVER ALIEN MOVIE FRANCHISES, OKAY? Was she in Cocoon? No -- that was the diabeetis guy? Oh.

Alex on Instructables spent a mere $225 creating this costume of a power loader from Aliens.

Materials included foam boards, a racing harness, a revolving amber light, PVC pipe, spray paint, hoses, cables, wires, and a hot glue gun.

Good lookin', Alex. I mean it -- you look great in those jeans. But I bet you'd look even better out of them. Just kidding, please keep them on. Okay well you could at least undo your belt a couple notches.

Hit the jump for a video demonstration of the costume in awkward-walking action (with bonus alien queen statue!).

Continue Reading " Damn Ripley, You Handsome!: Impressive Aliens Power Loader Mecha Costume "

Sep 23 2010 Giant Squids Depleting Fish Populations, Now Turning Their Hungry Tentacles To Humans

GIANT SQUIDS ARE GIANT. How giant? Try 8-feet long and 100 pounds of pure, unadulterated (okay, slightly adulterated) killing machine. I'm never going to another (nude) beach again!

Millions of killer giant squid are not only devouring vast amounts of fish they have even started attacking humans.

Two Mexican fishermen were recently dragged from their boats and chewed so badly that their bodies could not be identified even by their own families.

No wonder the giant squid are called "diablos rojos" - red devils.

Since 2002, Humboldt giant squid, named after the 18th century German explorer, have been spreading their tentacles to deplete fishing stocks by moving from their traditional tropical hunting grounds off Mexico and laying claim to a vast sweep of the Pacific.

Hunting in 1,000-strong packs the giant squid can out-swim and out-think fish. Scientists believe they coordinate attacks by using pigment cells to communicate.

See? I told you we should have filled the oceans with concrete. Now we're all as good as dead. Except me, because my rocketship is near completion and I'm getting the f*** out of here. And by getting the f*** out of here I obviously mean exploding on the launchpad, but whatever, the point is I'm gone.

MAN EATING GIANT SQUID DEVOURING FISH STOCKS [express] (I love your jeans!)

Thanks to Lauren!, who's convinced they're actually aliens from another planet. You know what? I think you're onto something. Possibly drugs.

Sep 23 2010 GOTTA COLLECT 'EM ALL THAT CASH!: New Pokemon Game Selling Like Hotcakes

Pokemon Black and White, best known for not combining to form Pokemon Gray no matter how long you leave them alone together with the bedroom door closed and everything, has sold over 2.63 million copies in its first two days of its Japanese release. That's a 2, a 6 and a 3 with like forty zeros afterward. Suck it, math -- who need you?!!1111

Nintendo has revealed that Pokémon Black and White, released September 18 in Japan, have sold a combined 2.63 million copies, making a record for most copies of any Japanese videogame sold within the first two days. For comparison, Pokémon Diamond and Pearl Versions sold 1.58 million copies in the same time period.

Pokémon Black and White were also the fastest pre-selling DS games, with well over one million preorders before release. The games are set to be released in spring of 2011 in South Korea, North America, Europe, and Australia.

People be lovin' on all them monsters, son! Those googly bastards are selling like hotcakes. Unfortunately they're not tasting like them, which is why I threw up after dinner last night. GW used puke in the sink! Garbage disposal is super effective!

Black and White sells 2.63 million copies in first two days [bulbanews]

Thanks to Porcelain Teeth, who may or may not have bit the toilet during a puking fit.

Sep 22 2010 BUT I CAN'T WAIT TILL 2012!!: Ten Minutes Of Bioshock Infinite Gameplay Footage

Bioshock Infinite, a game best known for having a release date scheduled for after the apocalypse (smart thinking, guys), looks f***ing amazing. And here's ten whole minutes of gameplay footage that may just keep me from giving up on life mid-2011. But probably not. You see, I don't know if you've gathered from my writing or not, but I'm in a dead-end relationship with myself. Yep, going steady for over 29 years now. The guy's a real dick, I'm not gonna lie. Oh, will you look at the time -- happy hour's started!

Hit the jump for ten minutes of hopes and dreams that can and will be dashed right before your eyes in the form of the world exploding or some other kind of catastrophic shit going down.

Continue Reading " BUT I CAN'T WAIT TILL 2012!!: Ten Minutes Of Bioshock Infinite Gameplay Footage "

Sep 22 2010 LEGOlize It: Fat Sack Of Plastic Weed

Pfft, I was smoking LEGO blocks before they even looked like weed.

Lego-Marijuana [nerdcore]
via
This Thing Looks Like That Thing of the Day [thedailywhat]

Sep 22 2010 I'm Just Gonna Boldly Go Call Dominoes: The Official Starship Enterprise Pizza Cutter

In other culinary-ish product news, how about a Starship Enterprise pizza cutter? It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno! No it's not either, it's store brand and there isn't nearly enough cheese to cover the sauce. Unrelated, the last time I tried making my own pizza it cost $30 and tasted like a Italian's b-hole (Mario and I messed around in trade school). Apparently b-holes have no place on a pizza aside, this is a $25 officially licensed Starship Enterprise Pizza Wheel. RED-SHIRT PEPPER FLAKES! You might not travel to any distant planets, but you may need a ride to the emergency room when you slice off a finger. Which, true story -- your Vulcan salute will never be the same. ARE YOU F***ING FLICKING ME OFF?!

A couple more shots and a promo video after the jump.

Continue Reading " I'm Just Gonna Boldly Go Call Dominoes: The Official Starship Enterprise Pizza Cutter "

Sep 22 2010 One Keg To Fill Them All: LOTR Glasses

Awh yeah, we gonna be drinkin' our miruvor all Middle Earth style, son! ThinkGeek's etched LOTR pint glasses and quart mugs come in Prancing Pony (you are!) and Green Dragon varieties and are available for $30 for two pints or one mug. Me? I got them all. Somebody's getting 'Lord of The Rings' drunk tonight! ZOMG I'M SEEING HOBBITS! I think I'm in the Shire. Ooooor a daycare. Haha -- that hobbit's pissing his cot!

ThinkGeek Product Site
via
Etched Glassware Lets You Drink Hobbit Style [uberreview]

Sep 22 2010 'Horniest Dinosaur Ever' Discovered In Utah

My God what a sexy looking dino. He's so horny he's making me horny. Kidding, I get that way with any dino, but still, you know what I mean (I mean I'm rockin' some serious petrified wood right now).

The creature lived 76 million years ago in the warm, wet swamps of what is now southern Utah and was remarkable in bearing 15 full-sized horns on its head.

The animal, named Kosmoceratops, had an enormous two metre-long skull, was five metres from snout to tail and weighed an estimated 2.5 tonnes.

"In this case, we think these horns were really about competing for mates and more akin to peacock feathers or deer antlers, where it's males trying to attract females or intimidate other males," Sampson said. "Sometimes it's good to have a way of visually ranking yourself relative to other animals. You can avoid unnecessary conflicts and that is probably what they were doing with all these bony bells and whistles."

15 HORNS! That's like 10 more than a Triceratops. Tri does mean five, right? I was never good at the maths. What I was good at was leaving love letters in library books with the hope of finding true love. I never did. But I did find two pages stuck together with a booger.

Horniest dinosaur ever discovered - Kosmoceratops - found in Utah [guardian]

Thanks to Jordan, Richard Belding, Jarrod, dino-onatops, markwithasee, foo, JB, Vince Lombardi, Gunnit and Geoff, at least four of which expressed some romantic interest in the dino. Trying to give me some competition, huh? BRING IT YOU JURASSIC NOB-BLOCKERS.

Sep 22 2010 A Peek Inside The Plumber: Mario's Anatomy

Ever wonder what Mario looks like on the inside? Jesus, you're a braver wonderer than I am. But if you have, consider yourself lucky, because here's a peek at the plumber's plumbing courtesy of anatomical artist extraordinaire Jason Freeny. As you can see, there's nothing really out of the ordinary going on. Some pretty serious finger bones, that's about it. I thought for sure if you cut him open half-chewed mushrooms would spill out all over the place. And I'm not talking about the "magic" kind that allow you to SEE music, but I did watch Europe's 'The Final Countdown' dance around in front of my face once. SO F****ING EPIC. Then the couch tried to trap me between two cushion and things went south quick.

Moist Productions (Jason's website)

Thanks to Alexander, who's great.

Sep 22 2010 Magneto's Getting All Hot And Bothered Just Thinking About It: Guy's Homemade Coilgun

Youtube user Jason went and spent two years building himself a homemade coilgun. But I thought you were a machete guy!

It's almost straight out of science-fiction, but this thing actually works. This coilgun is no toy. Using a large electromagnet, made from 10-gauge magnet wire, it delivers more kinetic energy than a .45 handgun, but less than an M16 rifle, according to Jason. If Jason was able to do this in his backyard with off-the-shelf components, you can just imagine what proper defense contractors should be able to do with a few billion dollars.

OMG can you imagine Jason going ballistic (get it? because it's a gun!) in his next movie with this thing? Goodbye hack-and-slash, hello blast-and-flash! You see, In my script Jason exposes himself to the camera after every kill to add a little more humanity to his character. What? Funny you should ask -- no, no I didn't go to film school. But I do own Big Trouble In Little China!

Hit the jump and skip to 2:50 to see the gun destroying everything Jason could find on his bedside table.

Continue Reading " Magneto's Getting All Hot And Bothered Just Thinking About It: Guy's Homemade Coilgun "

Sep 22 2010 OMG Polly Pocket -- Is That You?: The World's Smallest Stop-Motion Animation

Note: Video is after the jump because it's so small it might get lost on the front page.

This is a video that's being billed as "the world's smallest stop-motion animation". I don't know about that, but I do know it's a viral ad for the Nokia N8 smartphone, which it was shot with. I also know it looks like a Little Big Planet level and was created by the same team that produced Wallace and Grommit, which I can only assume is the A team. Back me up, B.A. Baracas! "I PITY THE FOOL WHO'S PENIS FITS IN THAT LITTLE LADY!" Haha, no kidding. Wait a minute...

Hit the jump for the sickingly cute video.

Continue Reading " OMG Polly Pocket -- Is That You?: The World's Smallest Stop-Motion Animation "

Sep 22 2010 Sessy Science: Polymers Gettin' Down!

Note: Entire possibly NSFW (stick-figure sex acts) chart after the jump.

I have no idea if these are actual polymers or not because I failed chemistry after setting my lab partner on fire, but if I had to guess I'd say yes. You? You'd say that I was naive -- and I thought that I was strong. I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave." Oh, but now I know that I was wrong -- 'cause I missed you. Haha, did I really just quote Lisa Loeb lyrics? Yes, and if you don't watch yourself I'll do it again. Anyway....WHOA -- did you hear that? Sounded like a pack of sessy-ass dinos thundering toward my apartment. No? Pfft, you say I only hear what I want to. I TOLD YOU -- I TOLD YOU I WOULD!

Hit the jump for several more of the freaky-deaky in action.

Continue Reading " Sessy Science: Polymers Gettin' Down! "

Sep 21 2010 Mother Nature, You're A Trip: Aurora Photo

This is a long-exposure shot of an aurora borealis by Ole Christian Salomonsen in Tromsø, Norway. Personally, I think it looks like a giant alien woman in a loose-fitting robe shying away from the camera, but that might just be the weed talking. Ooooor because she's embarrassed her vagina's green.

Auroras emit light because of the emission of photons by oxygen and nitrogen atoms in the upper atmosphere. Those atoms get excited--or ionized--by the collision with solar wind particles, which are accelerated by the Earth's magnetic field. As the atoms get excited or return to their normal state, they emit visible energy. When it is an oxygen atom, the light emitted is either green or brownish-red, depending on the energy level absorbed by the molecule. Blue happens when nitrogen gets ionized, and red when it returns to ground state.

Beautiful, isn't it? I swear, Mother Nature never ceases to amaze me. And I'm not saying that because I once saw a squirrel jump out of a tree holding a balloon, but I did and I don't think it slowed him down as much as he thought it would. Short story short: he broke a leg and I had to finish him off with a shovel.

This Aurora Photo Is the Most Insane I've Ever Seen [gizmodo]

Thanks to Justin, who once saw a squirrel humping an empty soda can at the park. Nuh-uh! What kind of noise did it make?

Sep 21 2010 Boy You So Retro!: Etch-A-Sketch iPad Case

Etch-A-Sketch, realizing they're in bad shape since kids would rather play video games than sketch sad looking wieners in metallic dust, has lent its name to an iPad case that looks like the iconic doodlebox. What, no Woolly Willy case?!

Now, the Worlds Favorite Drawing Toy®, the Etch A Sketch®, and the world's most revolutionary product, the iPad, have come together in the form of Headcase's officially licensed Etch A Sketch® iPad case. Celebrate Etch A Sketch®'s 50th anniversary and be the coolest kid in the conference room!

Oh I'm gonna be the coolest kid in the conference room alright, and I don't even need an Etch-A-Sketch iPad case. Shit, or an iPad. Just a sweet pair of shades and case of beer. Alright, what do you say we get this party started -- somebody ready the minutes from the last meeting. "10:00 GW gets fired for drinking on the job again. 10:02 GW sets fire to a wastebasket and threatens to burn the building down. 10:05 GW rehired. 10:10 Meeting adjourned". Haha, I remember that. What do you say -- same thing again?

Product Site
via
Official Etch-a-Sketch Case Won't Help You Draw Stairs On The iPad [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Susan, who drilled a hole in her Etch-A-Sketch and huffed all the aluminum dust. Well? How was it?!

Sep 21 2010 Don't Read Before Lunch: Man Finds Worm In Eyeball, Doctor Blasts It To Death With Laser

John Matthews is a man. A man who used to have a little worm eating its way around his eyeball before a doctor PEW PEW PEWed that little SOB with a laser. Lasers: what CAN'T they do? That was a trick question, lasers can do everything.

John Matthews loves to hunt turkeys and travel to foreign places like Mexico. During one of those adventures, something crawled inside his body.

When two dark spots appeared in his vision and his eyesight became a little hazy, he headed to the doctor.

Soon after making the diagnosis, Dr. Folk armed himself with a laser and put the worm in the cross-hairs.

John was awake the whole time and said he was thinking, "Hurry up and kill the thing. Good luck shootin', doc...I saw something wiggling and I asked if the worm was wiggling. The doc said, 'Yes.' I said, 'I can see it.'"

Dr. Folk said, "When you hit it with the laser, it got very upset. As upset as a worm can get, I suppose...The thing was just thrashing around violently. It would be like one of those titan movies or something."

The worm is dead. It will decompose over time. Now, John must do computer exercises to strengthen his eye. His vision has improved, but may never return to normal.

My God that's disgusting. As a matter of fact, I'm *this* close to popping both my eyes out with the spoon I just used for yogurt so I don't ever have to experience that. Seriously, what could possibly be worse than a worm eating your eyeball? Having square eyeballs? F*** that sounds painful.

Worm eats Cedar Rapids man's retina [thegazette]

Thanks to FDSY, who's from Cedar Rapids and is convinced at least half the populace has worms in their brains. I've never been there but I believe it.

Sep 21 2010 WANT!: 20 Little Pizzas On One Big Pizza

Can't decide what kind of pizza to order? Go get Taco Bell instead. Ooooor demand the Little Caesar make 20 little pizzas and put them on one larger pizza, so you've got options. Me? My options are running out. Right now I'm looking at filing for bankruptcy or faking my own death.

The final piece was a collage of different cultures' food (Hawaiian, vegan, meat lovers, macaroni, pepperoni, pesto pine nut, etc.), a collage of the actual pizza itself in an attempt at providing some perspective to the viewer of the levels of experience they might be having outside of the pizza, and finally a collage of the people attending the opening and participating in the piece by putting it inside of them.

LOLWUT? It's a pizza with a bunch of little pizzas on top of it, what's up with all the artistic mumbo-jumbo? I don't need "perspective", I need red pepper flakes yo!

John Riepenhoff's Recursive Pizza [slice]
via
Put Mini-Pizzas on a Pizza and Presto ! The Recursive Pizza [obviouswinner]

Thanks to Jody, who considers anything more than a plain cheese pizza an abomination. Boy, I could learn you a thing or two about some mushrooms and banana peppers.

Sep 21 2010 University Of Calgary's Video Game Library

That's right folks, the University of Calgary is opening a video game library for academic research. Haha, academic research -- is that what they call failing freshman English these days? (Note: picture is unrelated basement, not the library)

The Interactive Digital Media Collection will help students learn in a whole new way, the university believes.

The University of Calgary is installing six PC stations through which to play games on newer consoles such as the PlayStation 3. The collection will also boast half a wall of retro games reaching back to the '80s, many of which were all the rage before many U of C students were even born.

"Well, it certainly makes coming to the library cooler, and it's one more excuse not to study during finals," said student Tom Schlodder.

"It's another distraction. I come to the library because it's a place where I don't have Nintendo or PlayStation or anything like that. It's a place I come to work," said student Chris McMillan.

Way to be a party pooper, Chris McMillan. Going to the library to work, ha! I only go to the library to crawl under the desks and look up girls' skirts. Kidding! Well, half-kidding. Fine, you got me -- not really kidding at all.

Thanks to Chris, who actually works at the U of C library and isn't to be confused with that stick in the mud, Chris McMillan.

Sep 21 2010 Another Day, Another Texting Infographic

Note: I had to cut this thing like a paper snowflake, hit the jump to see the whole graphic.

We've already seen one infographic on texting, but here comes another with a bunch of other stats. Namely, what percentage of text messengers think it's kosher to text during sex. And that number is 6% for users over 25 and 10% for those under 25 that counted solo sex acts because there's no way anybody can think it's okay to text during the most feel-good experience you can share with another person. Key word: ANOTHER. That said, I've done it before. And updated Geekologie.

Hit the jump for the whole, much longer infographic.

Continue Reading " Another Day, Another Texting Infographic "

Sep 21 2010 Chain Free!: New Bicycle Runs On A Wire

I swear, a bicycle with a wire instead of a chain -- what will they think of next? (Please think hoverbike, please think hoverbike!) It can even change gears! The future: that shit's already started.

As you can see from the above photo, this new bike design features two cables rather than a bike chain. The pedal assembly consists of kidney-shaped eccentric discs, a swinging unit and the transmission. Those discs work like gears do on a traditional bike, and they can be swapped out for different-sized discs depending on what sort of riding you'll be doing.

Well it's about damn time, chains are so archaic. And not just because they remind me of my time in prison, because a bunch of naked men showering together will do the same. They were the best of times, they were the worst of times. But mostly the best (I'm thinking about fake-robbing a bank to go back).

New bike design uses wires and discs instead of a chain [dvice]

Thanks to Brandon, who doesn't need chains OR wires because his bike has an electromagnetic transmission. Are you lying to me?!

Sep 21 2010 The Whole Fan-Made Pokemon Movie Trailer

Remember the 30-seconds of cellphone footage from the fan-made Pokemon trailer? Well here's the whole three minute video (available in HD!). Now I'm not a guy who normally cries at movies, but watching Pikachu get beat up did make my eyes water a bit. Just kidding, I was huffing pepper spray for breakfast. No I wasn't, I was actually crying. TEARS OF JOY BECAUSE I AM NOT THE FATHER. Beers on me! Psyche, you should probably get me one.

Hit the jump for the worthwhile trailer.

Continue Reading " The Whole Fan-Made Pokemon Movie Trailer "

Sep 20 2010 What You Did There, I See It: iPhone Bar

Clever, veeeeery clever. Still, better than the land-line of night clubs: incredible service, but only @ssholes ever want to talk -- usually while you're eating.

The iPhone of Nightclubs [geekosystem]

Thanks to Meredith and Aaron, who run the two soup cans and string of night clubs: built in a treehouse, outdated, and always running a special on tetanus shots.

Sep 20 2010 Real Life Product!: The Boba Fett Backpack

Ever make-believe you were Boba Fett? Who hasn't? Well now you can stop taping empty coffee cans to your back thanks to ThinkGeek's $50 Boba Fett Plush Rocket Backpack. PSSSSHOOOOOOOOW!! (That was me blasting around my bedroom)

Looking as cool as Boba Fett is just the beginning. The Boba Fett Plush Rocket Backpack is loaded with room to store all your Mandalorian loot. A big main pocket, a flatter secondary pocket, and two pockets in the Jet tubes (we like calling them fuel tanks, because we store cans of soda in ours) all equal one very useful pack.

*Straps are great for kids, but also big enough for adults to use.

* Main Pocket - zippered - approx. 14" deep x 9" wide
* Secondary Pocket - hook and loop - approx. 11" deep x 8" wide
* 2 Jet Pockets - zippered - each able to hold 2 (12oz) cans of soda or rocket fuel.

What, no mention of the giant chrome space dildo on top? That thing practically sells the backpack itself! For Sale: Boba Fett Backpack, complete with giant chrome space dil-- SOLD, I'LL TAKE TEN!

Hit the jump for two more shots of the rocketpack and prepare for blastoff!

Continue Reading " Real Life Product!: The Boba Fett Backpack "

Sep 20 2010 (Russian) Fan-Made Transformers Movie

This is a little Transformers movie made by a couple shirtless Ruskies. Ha, I didn't even know they had special effects in Russia! I thought it was all nesting dolls and vodka. That probably sounded racist aside, in Russia robots transform you.

My new video experiment, based on Michael Bay's Transformers, for you and myself)) This short film was shot in 2 hours. Edited in month=) For shooting I used my new camera Canon 550D (+ kit lens 18-55mm + 50mm 1.8) and a little bit my friend's camera Nikon D5000 (+ kit lens 18-55mm). Thanks for Watching.

You can find my other videos on youtube (repey815)

Небольшой видео-эксперимент, основанный на одноименном фильме Майкла Бэя. Сотворено для вас и, конечно же, для себя)))
На съемку ушло 2 дня, по часу в каждый день, на редактирование - месяц.

Did I mention there's a twist ending? Because there is. And, as tempting as it might be, I'm not gonna ruin for you. So if you want to see it you're just gonna have to watch. But I will admit there's a hot topless (but still SFW) Russian chick running around at one point. Just kidding. Or am I? I am. Not. Have fun watching, suckers -- I OWN YOU!

Hit it for the worthwhile video.

Continue Reading " (Russian) Fan-Made Transformers Movie "

Sep 20 2010 I'm Gonna Need That: Sir Terry Pratchett Forges Magical Sword From Meteorites

Sir Terry Pratchett, best known for his sci-fi series Discworld and co-authoring Good Omens with Neil Gaimen, was knighted last year and decided to make himself a sword to celebrate the occasion. But not just any sword, oh no -- a magical sword. Forged from meteorites. In Mordor. Suck on that, Sauron!

With help from his friend Jake Keen -- an expert on ancient metal-making techniques -- the author dug up 81kg of ore and smelted it in the grounds of his house, using a makeshift kiln built from clay and hay and fuelled with damp sheep manure.

Pratchett, who has Alzheimer's disease, also said he had thrown in "several pieces of meteorites -- thunderbolt iron, you see -- highly magical, you've got to chuck that stuff in whether you believe in it or not".

After days of hammering the metal into bars, he took it to a blacksmith, whom he helped to shape it into a blade, which was finished with silverwork.

Pratchett has stored the sword, which he completed last year, in a secret location, apparently concerned about the authorities taking an interest in it.

Damn yeah the authorities have an interest in it, IT'S A MAGICAL SWORD. Just sayin', the authorities had an interest in my weapon cache and it wasn't even magical. But it was illegal, which is why my sphincter ain't what it used to be.

Terry Pratchett creates a sword with meteorites [news.com.au]
via
Sir Terry Pratchett Forges a Sword out of Meteorites [obviouswinner]

Sep 20 2010 What If: Superheroes Were Hipsters? (Supervillians Would Rule The World)

Note: A whole bunch more after the jump.

What if superheroes were hipsters? We'd all be dead at the hands of supervillians, that's what. And not just because the superhipsters would think it's ironic, but you've got to admit it is a little LIKE RAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN ON YOUR WEDDING DAY, IT'S A FREE RIDE WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY PAID. Haha, am I really quoting Alanis lyrics? Yes, yes I am. CAUSE I'VE GOT ONE HAND IN MY POCKET, AND THE OTHER ONE IS GIVIN' A REACH AROUND.

Hit the jump for the rest, all courtesy of College Humor.

Continue Reading " What If: Superheroes Were Hipsters? (Supervillians Would Rule The World) "

Sep 20 2010 Man The Lasers!: Qaudricopter-Deathbot Is Back, Can Now Fly Through Moving Hoops

Note: Terrifying HD-ready video after the jump. Viewer discretion advised.

Remember the University of Pennsylvania's quadri-deathcopter? You know, the one that can fly through windows and is learning to pick up bodies? Well it's back and more frightening than ever. Now I know what you're thinking, "Oh my God -- it joined the circus". But no, although that would be terrifying.

Yes, today U Penn's GRASP Lab posted the aptly titled "Aggressive Quadrotor Part II," showing off all of their drone's freaky new feats. It can buzz around in menacing circles, calculate an optimal path through several rings, and even squeeze through an opening that's on the move itself. That means it could fly through your window and kill you in your sleep if you were sleeping in a train's sleeper car. Nowhere is safe!

I'm glad to see others are finally taking the robot threat seriously. I felt like before I was standing on my soapbox preaching to deaf ears. Plus blind eyes. Haha -- that's what you get for playing with yourself! (Anybody seen my cane?)

Hit the jump for the aggressive quadricopter in action.

Continue Reading " Man The Lasers!: Qaudricopter-Deathbot Is Back, Can Now Fly Through Moving Hoops "

Sep 20 2010 Map: The World According To Street Fighter

Note: There's no way you can possibly see the map so small so click HERE to see the thing in such high resolution several of you may consider making a desktop wallpaper out of the thing.

This is the world map according to Street Fighter. Basically it just shows you where all the characters' countries of origin. Which -- who knew Dhalsim was from India? Everybody? Oh. THEY HAVE WITCH DOCTORS IN INDIA?! Ooh-Eeh, Ooh-Ah-Aah, Ting-Tang, Walla-Waholyshit -- look at those f***ing arms. Stretch Armstrong over here wants to shrink your head!

The world according to Street Fighter [gamesradar]

Thanks to Romeo, who's still convinced Vega is Wolverine moonlighting as a Street Fighter. You know, you might be on to something.

Sep 20 2010 Looks Bulky: Star Destroyer Umbrella Concept

It's not the dumbest thing I've ever seen. As a matter of fact, if there's any truth to this aerodynamic umbrella, it might actually be a feasible concept (you'll just have to carry it backwards). Sure the communication tower is gonna get torn off at the first sign of a windstorm, but who needs deflector shield generator domes anyways? That was a trick question, you gotta have those deflector shield generator domes or you're a sitting duck. And not Donald or Daffy either, I'm talking a really hideous one. You know that story about the ugly duckling that turns into a swan? Like 4X as fug. Plus -- PLUS -- you're not turning into a swan, just a REALLY ugly adult duck. Kids will ball up their bread and try to hit you.

Rain Wars? Star Destroyer Umbrella fights the force of mother nature [onemoregadget]

Thanks to Grrambo, who had a Millennium Falcon umbrella but it got stolen. Haha, MINE NOW!

Sep 17 2010 All The New Pokemons In A Single Picture

Note: There are 156 new species. Obviously, this isn't all of them. Hit the jump to see the entire graphic. Plus bonus video!

As many of you probably know, I'm not allowed to play Pokemons anymore on account of them making me worship earth spirits and set my grandparents' house on fire. But I can still look at pictures of them. These are all of the 156 new, 5th generation species from Pokemon Black and White (just released in Japan, coming west early next year). As you can see, there's, uh, Bambi, a Poe from the Zelda universe, and a Siamese ice cream cone. Admittedly, there are several that I like, but most are pretty booboo looking if you ask me. "But I didn't ask you, GW." Hoho, a challenger appears!

Hit the jump for more monsters than you can shake a Pokeball at.

Continue Reading " All The New Pokemons In A Single Picture "

Sep 17 2010 Smart: Wearing Rollerblades On A Motorcycle

That way if you're about to crash you can just jump off and blade to safety. Pretty genius if if you think about it. Just don't think about it for too long or you might start doubting the logic. And when you start doubting logic my friend, magic happens. CUT HER IN HALF -- DO IT NOW!

BAMF of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Thanks to Robert, who always rides with ice skates on because he laughs in the face of danger.

Sep 17 2010 Uh, Congrats?: The First iPad Owner In China

Han Ziwen, seen here being carried out of the Beijing Apple store like he just won the big game, was officially the first person in China to purchase an iPad. And, in case you can't read between the shoulder straps, his shirt reads, "I BUY IPAD #1". Mine? "Fruit Freak". Not even kidding, I got it from an apple grower at the Blacksburg farmer's market when I used to go to Virginia Tech. So yeah -- how's that for an Apple tie-in? "F***ING AMAZING" is right!

An Apple Superfan's 'Rudy' Moment [gizmodo]

Sep 17 2010 Weird, It Doesn't Look Magical: Rare Asian 'Unicorn' Spotted For First Time In Decade

First of all, whoever started calling this thing a unicorn obviously failed Mythical Creatures 101 because, and I'm sure you know this, UNICORNS HAVE A UNI-CORN. This, if anything, is a duocorn, which are far less rare (I've even seen them dead on the side of the road).

One of the rarest creatures on the planet has been sighted in Laos. The saola, which has been dubbed the 'Asian unicorn' despite being double horned, hasn't been photographed since 1999. The individual pictured above was captured and taken back to a small village, where it unfortunately died in captivity several days later.

"Died in captivity" -- HA! I mean, come on. Now I'm not saying somebody obviously killed it and ate its steak with the hopes of gaining magical powers, but I did just catch the redeye back from Laos and let me tell you, boy are my arms tired! Get it? Because I masturbate on long flights!

Rare 'Asian Unicorn' Caught in Laos [wired]

Thanks to Divo, TobyRaider, Romeo and Jesslyn, who agree its tears probably aren't even strong enough to make potions.

Sep 17 2010 Don't Even Act Like You're Already Doing It Right: The 'How Not To Pee' Bathroom Chart

I push my pants and underwear down to my ankles before makin' it rain because that's how I roll: oldschool. Awh yeah, it's like I'm four all over again! Ooooor never grew up. Yes I still drink out of pouches! Back me up, kangaroo. Haha, did you folks know there are nipples in there? No wonder the babies never want to leave! Plus I'm convinced the milk makes me jump higher. That said, no shit swastikas or poop hadoukens in the bathroom.

The BEST Bathroom Sign EVER [nerdist]

Thanks to Blaqk Panda, who pees the way God intended: in public with people watching.

Sep 17 2010 DO NOT WANT: Creepy Humanoid Robot

Another day, another deathbot. I didn't realize just how quickly humanoid robot technology was progressing until I watched the video of HRP4 here in action. I found it frightening to say the least. I found a turd in the back of my pants to probably say too much.

The HRP4 is the latest and greatest in helper robot technology. Developed by AIST and Kawada Industries, this five-foot-tall robot weighs in at 86 pounds and is excited to serve you.

The HRP4 has full arm articulation and simple hand movements, giving it a grasping force of 1.1 pounds. It has facial recognition built in, so it'll know who you are, and it also reacts to voice commands.

Now I have no idea how strong a grasping force of 1.1 pounds actually is, but I guarantee it's enough to choke you out in your sleep. Thank God I'm a light sleeper, amirite? Seriously, I haven't slept without the lights on since I was twelve. And not just because I used to be visited by a ghost, but in hindsight it did look a lot like my uncle wearing a bedsheet.

Worthwhile skip-aroundable video of iRobot in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " DO NOT WANT: Creepy Humanoid Robot "

Sep 17 2010 Spill No More: The Spink Coffee Cup Holder

Always knocking you coffee cup over? It's because you're clumsy. Me? I only do it because I've been drinking. Does that make me better than you? No, but it does make my boss ask to smell my breath a lot. F***, I thought I had another pack of Orbit Sweet Mint aside, spill no more thanks to the $20 Spink (never SPill another drINK)!

The Spink is a clever cup-holder for your desk that will pay for itself the first time it saves you from upending a drink all over your keyboard - or worse - your laptop. Installation is as simple as pulling a lever to engage the suction cup, which locks the Spink in place until you want to take it somewhere else. Basic colors are red, black or white, but it can be customized by slipping in a photograph.

Sure you could get a Splink -- or -- OR -- you could get an IV. Because one time I partied with a couple nurses I knew and the next morning they gave me a fluids IV so I wouldn't be so hung over. It was actually working pretty well until the bag got low and I poured the rest of my bourbon in it. Then it worked fantastic! Are you...an angel? "Yes dipshit, you just killed yourself trying to shoot booze." But I was curious!

Product Site
via
Spink (never SPill another drINK) Saves Computers From Poor Coordination [uberreview]

Sep 17 2010 Just As Deadly: Samurai Sword Wedding Ring

Want a wedding band created using the same 'mokume gane' technique as authentic samurai swords? You're in luck! But also out of luck because you're getting married. There's only one way out of this: I'm gonna have to cut your ring finger off. Ready? HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YA! *you bleeding* Perfect, looks like I got it right above the knuckle. Now let's do the left hand.

Mokume gane is...a metal working technique developed in Japan approximately three to four hundred years ago, in which two or more layers of metal are permanently joined together in alternating layers to form a stack (or billet). In the traditional Japanese technique the bond was achieved by diffusion welding of the layers in a charcoal forge. On this laminated billet patterns of the different colored alloys were created by a combination of cutting, twisting, and forging of the laminate in ways to expose the various layers. The patterned billet was then formed into finished work by applying standard forging and fabrication techniques.

No word on price, but you know what they say, "If you have to ask, you're obviously poor and security's watching on CCTV to make sure you don't steal anything." Quick, pocket some throwing stars and run!

James Binnion Metal Works Product Site
via
I'd Like My Ring Samurai Style [gizmodo]

Thanks to Jake, who agrees the ring is definitely less mighty than the sword (the One Ring excluded of course).

Sep 17 2010 Stop Spinning!: The 'Know Your Beer' Chart

Note: Full-size version HERE.

Because it's Friday and Friday's were made for drinking (don't think your good work's gone unnoticed, God -- I appreciate these things), here's a chart of all the varieties of beer with brand examples of each. The chart's available as a 24" x 18" poster from Pop Chart Lab for $25 or for free if you're looking at the high-res version and punch in prize-code "Ctrl + P". So, what's your favorite? I like the kind that makes all my pain and troubles go away. What's that one called? Right -- fourteen of anything.

Pop Chart Lab Product Site
via
Know Your BEER ! This Awesome Beer Poster Explains it All [obviouswinner]

Sep 16 2010 The Fishbowl Sink Urges You To Conserve... Ooooooooor Kill A Helpless Goldfish

This is a sink that uses water from a fishbowl to wash your hands. If you drain too much, you kill the fish. HA -- LIKE ANY OF YOU WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER USING THE BATHROOM ANYWAYS! I'm serious ladies, most guys are disgusting. If you did a survey of what percentage of men walk around with penis dust on their hands all day it's easily over 100%. Except me, I scrub till I bleed.

As you use the Poor Little Fish Sink, designed by Yan Lu, the water in the fishbowl slowly drains away. So if you use too much the goldfish will meet an untimely demise. According to Yan the "Poor Little Fish basin offers an emotional way to persuade consumers to think about saving water, by making consumption tangible" though I'm sure there are still a lot of people who would value clean hands over the life of a small fish.

Of course thanks to some clever and hidden plumbing in the base of the sink, the water that comes out of the faucet doesn't actually come from the fish tank, nor will it ever drain out completely. And when shut off the water in the bowl does slowly refill so the fish is never in any real danger

Hoho, very clever! But a couple things: 1) I would never use fish-water to wash my hands in the first place so congratulations -- conservation: 1, GW cleanliness: 0. Unfortunately, 2) this would actually prove an effective way to get men to use MORE water because they want to kill the fish but 3) boy are they gonna be disappointed when they can't until 4) somebody stands on the sink and pees in the bowl. Basically, that fish is f***ed.

Poor Little Fish Sink - Conserve Water Or The Goldfish Gets It [ohgizmo]

Thanks to david, who pees in the sink and washes his hands with a Wet-Nap like somebody who actually respects the planet we live on. Good lookin', david.

Sep 16 2010 Mini-Burgers!: The World's Smallest Cow

And that, my friends, is where sliders come from.

A minuscule cow with a taste for contemporary music has been named the world's smallest by the Guinness World Records book.

Guinness says the sheep-sized bovine from the West Yorkshire region of northern England measures roughly 33 inches (84 centimeters) from hind to foot.

The 11-year-old cow is named Swallow and her owner, Caroline Ryder, said she would spend Thursday either grazing with her herd or listening to BBC radio in her cowshed.

Swallow? Who the hell names a cow Swallow?! *whispering* WHAT THE -- PEOPLE ARE INTO THAT?! Okay now that's just sick. *whispering* WHOA THERE BUDDY, DINOS ARE DIFFERENT.

World's Smallest Cow is a mere 33 inches tall [csmonitor]

Thanks to Zombiepartz and JoeLickaSac, who agree we should breed cows to be bigger, not smaller. That way we can build cities on their back and travel the globe without ever leaving home. I know, I know, I'm a visionary.

Sep 16 2010 Site News: Reported Attack Site/Malware

For those of you who haven't noticed, Geekologie is getting flagged as a reported malware attack site. Obviously, we'd never do that to you. Some bad third-party ad (dammit Google, don't you check those things?!) snuck in last night but was caught and removed immediately (read: it's not here anymore and I'm on my way to the responsible server's location with a trunk full of explosives). At any rate, we're working to get the warnings lifted ASAP and getting Geekologie back to a respectable-looking site. Ha -- respectable. Oh yeah GW, you've still got it. But seriously, thank you all for your patience, it should all be over soon.

Best,

Your Geekologie Writer (who would never infect you with anything -- except love)

Sep 16 2010 Spray-On Shirts Are Washable, Rewearable

Note: Video after the jump is probably NSFW due to a topless A-cup getting a shirt sprayed on.

Wow, we really are living in the future, aren't we? HELL NO WE'RE NOT -- look outside, you see any hovercars?! Exactly. The prosecution naps. But on the bright side, washable, rewearable spray t-shirts are apparently only a year away. I'm gonna make pants instead!

Dr Manel Torres and Professor Paul Luckham have developed a spray that contains small fibres which are mixed with polymers to join them together and a solvent that keeps the fabric in liquid form in the can.

The solvent evaporates instantly as the spray touches a surface, creating a smooth clothing material that can be washed and re-worn.

The product is supposed to hit the market next year under the name FabriCan (what, was Shirtcanned taken?!) and sell for around $12 a can, making them far cheaper than any other t-shirt you can buy these days. Except for the ones in the gift shops on Hollywood Blvd, because they sell them 4/$10. Plus -- and this is actually pretty cool -- they dissolve in the wash.

Hit the jump for a provocative video of a shirt being made.

Continue Reading " Spray-On Shirts Are Washable, Rewearable "

Sep 16 2010 Sounds Delicious: Green Lantern Glo-Balls

There are two kinds of desserts in this world: those that glow, and those that taste like ass. Thankfully, Hostess (I SAID I'LL SEAT MYSELF!) GloBalls glow. But not really, they're just bright-ass green and are the official prepacked fattening food snack of the Green Lantern. And speaking of glowing balls: did I ever tell you about the time I won a hot sauce drinking contest? Because I did that. Except my balls never shined, it just burnt the insides of my penis and expanded my pee-tube urethra like 4X. Not even kidding -- ever since, NO MATTER HOW MANY BEERS I'VE HAD, it's never taken me longer than two seconds to empty my bladder. It's like popping a water balloon over a urinal.

Green Lantern Reenters the Snack Cake Arena with Hostess Glo Balls [comicsalliance]

Thanks to Jeff, who only pees sitting down because he's terrified of back-splash ever since he hosed his pants on an important date.

Sep 16 2010 Oh I'm Boldly Going -- To Meet My Maker!

Star Trek urns: niche product or the new standard in ash receptacles? I'm gonna go with niche product. BURN ME UP, SCOTTY.

The $800 urns, from funeral products retailer Eternal Image, come with one of two inscriptions: "To boldly go" (pictured above) or "The voyage continues."

Details on the urns, from StarTrek.com: "Each urn features a capacity of 190 cubic inches and is constructed from a composite blend of natural minerals, an etched stainless steel faceplate and name scroll, and an image of the Enterprise printed on anodized aluminum, with the Enterprise visible through a cutout of the franchise's signature Delta logo. A personalized nameplate can be affixed above the graphic."

190 cubic inches? I dunno, I feel like that special, recently dead Star Trek fan in my life might be a little over 190 cubic ash-inches. Do you carry anything in the 300-350 inch range? No? That's cool, I can flush part of him.

Product Site
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Star Trek Urns Boldly Go Into the Afterlife [wired]

Thanks to Uncle_FUJ, who just wants his ashes shot out of a cannon at a monster truck rally like a normal person.

Sep 16 2010 It's A Sign!: Cat With 'Cat' Spelled In Its Fur

This is a cat with "cat" spelled in on its side in different-colored fur. You know, maybe Adam didn't do such a bad job naming all the animals after all. Except for hippopotamus. He definitely dropped the ball on that one.

Once somebody points it out, it is obvious - the word stands out a mile.'

Tabbies have an 'M' marking on their forehead, between the eyes, with various legends suggesting why this is the case.

One suggests that the Virgin Mary made the mark of her own initial out of gratitude after a tabby snuggled up to the baby Jesus in the manger to stop him from shivering.

And an Islamic legend says that the Prophet Mohammed had a tabby called Muezza that saved his life by killing a snake which had crawled up his sleeve.

When the cat later fell asleep on his arm, he cut his sleeve off so as not to disturb the cat.

From that day on, all tabbies were born with the 'M' marking to signify that Mohammed held the animals in high esteem.

Oh snap -- cute cat and bible study knocked out in a single post? Put that in your hymnal and sing about it! Now, where are the free donuts? I heard there'd be free donuts after the service. No donuts -- what were you thinking? That one little bite of Jesus isn't gonna hold me till lunch!

Hit the jump for two more of the are you sure that isn't "car"?

Continue Reading " It's A Sign!: Cat With 'Cat' Spelled In Its Fur "

Sep 16 2010 40 Gallons To Freedom: DIY Wine Machines

Let's face it: the French love their wine (Me? I love other peoples'). And can you blame them? It's like bitter grape juice for adults. Plus -- PLUS -- and here's the real kicker -- it'll get you drunk. I vaguely remember one time I drank two bottles by myself and woke up in the laundry room with a ribbon of drier sheets tied around my head. I assume I was playing Rambo aside, this is a self-service wine machine from France. Bet I could go 20 seconds with the tap in my mouth!

Wine culture in France is no longer just about leisurely meals in cute little Parisian cafes. Nope, these days the French are loading up on inexpensive self-service wine, which they pump into bottled water containers from 1,000-liter wine dispensers. Sophisticated!

Five hundred of these industrial-looking machines are now in French supermarkets. And don't worry, American fellow who also wants to get sloshed on cheap vino, the self-service wine dispensers that have taken France by storm will soon be headed for these shores.

Count me in. You know how annoying it is uncorking bottles at the grocery store just so you can get a little drinky while you shop? Very. Especially if you already chugged a bottle in the cab on the way there. Haha, what do you mean, "who the hell takes a taxi to the grocery store?" I JUST TOLD YOU I DO.

France Kicking Our Asses in Wine Vending Machines [asylum]

Thanks to Celest and sarah, who lined their trunk with plastic wrap and planned on filling the whole thing but gave up when they couldn't back the car through the sliding doors (plus Celeste ran over a buggy).

Sep 15 2010 It's A Netbook, It's A Tablet, It's A Transformer

The Dell Inspiron Duo: not only are it's initials D.I.D., its a netbook and tablet all in one thanks to a swivel screen. Technology! Ten dollars says I break it the fist week. Fist week? Foot month!

Boy, did Dell show just off the craziest device on stage at Intel's IDF 2010 day two keynote. What started as a tablet device converted to a netbook just by opening to the keyboard and literally swiveling the screen from within the frame. This hybrid's got a 10-inch screen, houses a dual-core Atom N550 and runs Windows 7 Premium...No price given and Dell isn't providing us any more details, but it should be released by the end of this year.

Damn, too bad I just hot-glued my iPad to my MacBook Air, amirite? Kidding, I don't have an iPad or Macbook. What I do have is a library card, which entitles me to free computer use till 8PM. I'm bloggin' from the berry, ya'll!

Dell's Atom-powered Inspiron Duo: 10-inch netbook / tablet hybrid with a crazy swivel [engadget]

Thanks to Marlene and christopher, who don't like swivel stools because they get motion-sickness. Awh, bless your little vomity hearts.

Sep 15 2010 The Blue Screen Of Continuing Education

"So let me get this straight -- everyone who graduates is guaranteed a job in the IT department? Sweet, where's my dorm? Oh, and I meant to ask earlier -- what's our mascot? The CTTC BSOD's, huh? I like it. GO BLUE SCREENS!"

Blue Screen of Death at a Tech School [funnyordie]

Sep 15 2010 This Ain't Your Grandma's Quadricycle!

And not just because you're grandma doesn't own a quadricycle, but it's probably best she not do any pedaling considering her crystalline hips and all. So, yeah, the BigDog Quadricycle: a bike that won't hesitate to tear your balls to shreds and ride over them if you ever get a pant leg stuck in the gears. Safety first! (Wear shorts)

Measuring 11 feet, 4 inches long and 8 feet high, this crazy ride uses go-kart brakes and axles and recycled bike parts to get you on the road. Apparently those outer rims are parts of a drainage pipe, so you know it's nice and sturdy.

Pretty neat. As far as I can tell it's only missing one thing: a motor. What? I have chicken legs, okay?! Kidding, these things are like oaks. AND NO ACORN JOKES!

Several more shots and a video of the bike in action (with flames!) after the jump.

Continue Reading " This Ain't Your Grandma's Quadricycle! "

Sep 15 2010 The Future Is Now!: Transparent Aluminum

See-through metal, yo. What's next, opaque gas? "Whoa GW, you've got a mysterious brown aura about you. Also *choking* -- why's it smell like somebody died in here?" IT WAS THE DOG, I SWEAR!

Stronger than glass, various military and commercial applications for this remarkable material are already being tested. What was once used in the science-fiction Star Trek movies, see-through aluminum is now something that - through test mixing with rubies, sapphires and more - is now being tried out in all kinds of ways to create transparency where strength is also required.

For now, it is used in static-free transparent aluminum wrapping for computer parts and other electronics. It is also being tested in otherwise-conventional see-through soda cans and military shielding for vehicles where windows once were. At over ten dollars per square inch, however, it is still not cheap enough for mainstream everyday use - but may be someday soon.

Now I'm not saying they should start manufacturing women's restrooms out of this stuff, but you've got to admit in this age of terrorism, bomb-proofing should be an important bathroom-security concern. Haha, see where I'm going with this? Home to get my video camera!

Transparent Aluminum: Real, Glass-Like, See-Through Metal [dornob]

Thanks M_D, who invented invisible metal but The Fantastic Four bought the patent and buried it because they wanted The Invisible Woman to still feel special. *sniff* I'm sorry that was just so touching.

Sep 15 2010 LOLWUT?: California Police Issue Public Safety Notice About Pedobear 'Mascot'

A southern California police department recently issued a public safety notice warning citizens to be on the lookout for any child-loving bears in the area. NOBODY GETS BETWEEN ME AND FREE CANDY!

At one convention of IT enthusiasts the San Luis Obispo County Sheriff's Department issued a notice warning parents about a man dressed as a bear.

The public safety notice said: "The San Luis Obispo County Sheriff's Department is warning parents about a disturbing new phenomenon made popular by pedophiles and sexual deviants.

"The Pedo Bear began as an online Japanese cartoon character, and is known for his "lecherous nature" towards prepubescent children.

"Recently, pedophiles have adopted the bear as a mascot.

"Although there have been no reported sightings of the image on the Central Coast, individuals dressed in the bear costume and car decals have been seen in Southern California.

Wow. I knew California government was in poor shape, but did the San Luis Obispo County Sheriff's Department really just get internet service? Cause if so they are waaaaay behind on cute animal videos..

Police issue warning about 'Pedo bear' [telegraph]
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Thanks to Tom D and Kris, who won't approach a strange van for anything less than an ice cream sandwich.

Sep 15 2010 Gotta Secretly Record 'Em All!: Alleged Live-Action "Gritty" Pokemon Trailer

This is an allegedly screener footage from a "dark and gritty" live-action Pokemon movie that surprisingly has a lot of guns in it. I have no idea if it's real or not, so I'm just gonna copy/paste the email sent to Shogungamer and let you decide for yourself. You're a big boy, you can make decisions!

Subject: [News Tip] Pokemon Live Action Movie Trailer Cam

From: [email protected]
Date: September 14, 2010 1:59:19 AM PDT (CA)

Professor Oak sent a message using the contact form at http://www.shogungamer.com/contact.

I've been lurking this site for a while and I wanted to see if you were interested in posting this video I captured tonight. Today after work my friend and I were invited to view a "secret movie trailer screening." We were not told what it would be, but when I got there 30 other people and myself were shown a trailer for a Pokemon live action movie. It was super sketchy but I decided to record the last 30 seconds or so of the trailer which was about 3 min long. The clip is in a zip file and the password is "gottacatchemall." I can't give you much more detail then this. I wasn't supposed to film this, but holy shit it was awesome. I'll be in touch with you guys when I can talk more about it.

[SendSpace.com URL Removed]

~Professor Oak

I dunno Professor Oak, this all seems kinda sketchy. I'm afraid we're gonna have to get another professor involved. Layton! Enough diddling your Justin Bieber poster -- we've got a case to crack.

UPDATE: A Geekologie informant who knows someone involved in the production clarified the movie is, in fact, fan-made.

Hit the jump for the "WTF did I just watch?"

Continue Reading " Gotta Secretly Record 'Em All!: Alleged Live-Action "Gritty" Pokemon Trailer "

Sep 15 2010 I Put On My Robe And Game Genie Hat...

Anybody seen my Power Glove? I can't perform without my Power Glove on. Whew, found it. Now -- I want you to pretend like I'm a game cartridge that won't play.

Two more shots of the "wait -- where are you going?!" after the jump.

Continue Reading " I Put On My Robe And Game Genie Hat... "

Sep 15 2010 No Class Ring?: Storm Trooper Varsity Jacket

As you probably know by now unless you live on Hoth and your internets are perpetually frozen, Adidas has a whole line of Star Wars themed apparel. The latest? Tauntaun-skin intimates. This Dark Side Imperials varsity jacket. Now I'm not saying I'd go steady with anyone in school that has one just so I could wear it, but I'm sure we could work something out. HJ behind the Death Star gymnasium? Think about it.

Hit the jump for more detailed shots (including a worthwhile pic of the back) and the matching sneakers, all available soon.

Continue Reading " No Class Ring?: Storm Trooper Varsity Jacket "

Sep 14 2010 Zelda's 'Song Of Storms' METAL STYLE

Youtube user Mat Graham went and remastered Ocarina of Time's 'Song of Storms' into a catchy-ass metal medley. NA NA NA, NA NA NA, NU NU NU NU NU NU NA!! Can you tell I'm headbanging right now? Because I am. Aaaaaaand I found the corner of the coffee table. Can you tell I'm bleeding right now? Because I am. Into my eyes. LET'S MOSH SISSY, I WANNA KILL SOMETHING!

Hit it for the yes it will 100% get stuck in your head.

Continue Reading " Zelda's 'Song Of Storms' METAL STYLE "

Sep 14 2010 Anatomy Lessons!: Nemo, Found And Filleted

Jason Freeny, best known for his anatomical depictions of things you never would have guessed had guts and shit inside them, is back at it, and this time with sculpted models. 3-D baby -- it's all the rage right now! Back me up, Navi. WHOA WHOA WHOA -- get that ponytail out of my ass!

Hit the jump for several more, including a Dunny and one of the little alien guys from Toy Story.

Continue Reading " Anatomy Lessons!: Nemo, Found And Filleted "

Sep 14 2010 I'd Rather Be Stuffed In A Suitcase: Airlines' Prospective New Seating Accommodations

Right -- first you take away the complimentary peanuts, and now my legroom? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! What we need are affordable jetpacks.

Here's a harrowing image: the SkyRider design for new cheapo airplane seats. Clearly designed with cramming as many people as humanly possible onto a plane without much regard for their comfort, it's apparently being looked at by several airlines.

What's next, standing room only? Because I don't care if tickets are only $60 for a cross-country flight, if you think I'm standing the whole damn time you've got another thing coming. Namely, a guy in a wheelchair faking a disability.

Witness airlines' horrifying vision for the future of air travel [dvice]

Sep 14 2010 Steve Jobs: Ninja In Disguise? (SPOILER: No)

Seen here about to get all ninja turtle on your ass, Steve Jobs was allegedly stopped from boarding his private plane from Japan recently on account he was smuggling ninja stars. And you know what? I believe it. He may look like a toothpick but I bet that dude gets down with a katana.

If you missed the original story, Jobs was reportedly busted for trying to sneak ninja throwing stars onto his plane in Japan. After officials said he couldn't bring the stars on his plane, he said he would never come back to Japan.

Despite reports to the contrary, Apple says Steve Jobs did not vow to never return to Japan, after airport officials prevented him from bringing his ninja throwing stars on his private plane.

Apple's statement on the matter, via All Things D, "Steve did visit Japan this summer for a vacation in Kyoto, but the incidents described at the airport are pure fiction. Steve had a great time and hopes to visit Japan again soon."

Great, NOW who am I supposed to believe? "Don't worry about them, just believe in yourself, GW." I'm trying but I feel like such a loser!

Apple Says The Steve Jobs Ninja Stars Story Is "Pure Fiction" [businessinsider]

Thanks to Ryan, REFUKIn and Spoon, who are smart enough to know you have to check all your ninja weaponry. Yes, even the smoke bombs.

Sep 14 2010 Galileo Was Wrong, The Church Was Right

Note: Full-size flyer for the conference HERE. Reserve early for a free rosary!

Galileo was a hack and the Catholic church knows it. Your "science" can't fool us you dead, dirty magician! Admit it -- admit you were wrong and the church was right! Me? I'm left. Dumbfounded.

Galileo was wrong - Earth is the center of the universe [boingboing]
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galileo was wrong, stop the press, don't bother going to school [technabob]

Sep 14 2010 Clever, Veeeery Clever: Spock Hand Hoodie

See? When it's zipped up it looks like a regular hand wave, but, after a partial zip-down, it becomes the traditional Vulcan salute. Plus -- BAM! -- sex-change, bow tie and glasses! And all for $40. Not even a back-alley surgeon will sew a wiener on for that cheap! And that's not taking the glasses or bow tie into consideration. Even clip-ons are expensive these days. Plus, and I'm just throwing this out there -- with a little alteration you could turn this Spocker into a shocker. You'll be the envy of your whole fraternity!

Threadless Product Site

Thanks to Ace, who doesn't wear hoodies because they always f*** up his do'.

Sep 14 2010 Adding An i Is Still Cool?: The KFC iTwist

No, despite what Apple may have convinced their minions, it's never been cool. ESPECIALLY NOT FOR F***ING CHICKEN WRAPS. But did that stop KFC? Hell finger-lickin' no!

Strapped for cash but sick and tired of the same old cheap eats? Remix your value menu routine with KFC's new iTwists - delicious, snack-size wraps packed with KFC's famous chicken and exciting flavor for only 99¢! Each iTwist features a 100% all white meat Extra Crispy strip, fresh lettuce, and a blend of 3 cheeses, all wrapped up with a signature sauce in a colorful, flavorful tortilla.

Try one of our 2 new iTwists today for only 99¢ each!
• Kickin' Jack - Sundried Tomato Tortilla and Spicy Pepperjack Sauce
• Sweet n' Spicy - Cheddar Tortilla and Sweet n' Spicy Sauce

My God that sounds delicious aside, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess KFC's marketing team is a bunch of out-of-touch iDiots. See what I did there?! Haha, you should be embarrassed for me!

Official Site (iTwist currently only available in limited test markets)

Thanks to Mark IV, who -- what are you, number 16? I've never been good at letter numbers.

Sep 14 2010 I'm Just So Proud: Geekologie Reader Bakes Augmented Reality Cake

Geekologie Reader Justin Blinder (Aaaaah -- my eyes!) went and baked an augmented reality cake after realizing that, if he didn't augment reality, somebody was gonna have a pretty sad party.

Recently being faced with the task of making (or buying) a decorative cake, I decided to see if Augmented Reality could come to my rescue. I FAIL horribly at baking, and hoped this time a dash of c++ and a AR marker or two could detract attention from my poor baking/frosting skills. Being quite crunched for time, I opted for a conservative and traditional design, which included a rainbow/dolphin inhabited scene with a unicorn ridden by sad Keanu.

The main lesson learned is that Augmented Reality will only compensate for poor cake making skills in the right company. This cake was programmed using openFrameworks and ofxARToolkitPlus... and tasted mediocre.

Good lookin', Justin -- I see what you were going for and it's working -- I feel like I'm in the Matrix. Kidding, there's no denying this is a bathroom stall and the guy next to me has diarrhea. Plus cool shoes. I think I'm gonna tap and ask where he got 'em!

Hit the jump for a brief video running through the whole process.

Continue Reading " I'm Just So Proud: Geekologie Reader Bakes Augmented Reality Cake "

Sep 13 2010 Possibly The Coolest Thing I've Ever Seen

This is quite possibly the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. And I'm not just saying that because I've yet to see a naked lady, but one time I was standing at the just the right spot when the door to the women's locker room opened and I saw this mammoth with massive droopers standing there in nothing but granny panties. So yeah, I've been close is the point I'm trying to make. Watch and be amazed!

Hit the jump for the short, must-see video and an older bonus video in case you haven't seen that one.

Continue Reading " Possibly The Coolest Thing I've Ever Seen "

Sep 13 2010 You Look A Lot Older: Super Mario Turns 25

That's right folks: today, September 13th, marks the 25th anniversary of the release of Super Mario Bros. And the rest, as you well know, is history. Ooooor a shit-ton of sequels.

For over two decades, Super Mario Bros. was the best-selling video game of all time, before being outsold by Wii Sports in 2009. Excluding Game Boy Advance and Virtual Console sales, the game has sold 40.241 million copies worldwide. It was largely responsible for the initial success of the Nintendo Entertainment System, as well as ending the two-year slump of console game sales in the United States after the video game crash of 1983. As one of Shigeru Miyamoto and Takashi Tezuka's most influential early successes, it has inspired many clones, sequels, and spin-offs. Its theme music by Koji Kondo is recognized worldwide, even by those who have not played the game, and has been considered a representation for video game music in general.

Ah, what a long, strange trip down the ol' warp pipe it's been, amirite? Say -- did I ever tell you about how I convinced my brother that swimming into one of the pits on the first water level was a secret warp zone? He tried to choke me out with the controller cord!

Worthwhile skip-aroundable video of the history of Mario games after the jump.

Continue Reading " You Look A Lot Older: Super Mario Turns 25 "

Sep 13 2010 'So You Want To Watch Youtube' Flowchart

Note: I shrunk the image with a new shrink-ray I've been working on to keep my penis in check, click HERE to see the thing in its native resolution.

This is a flowchart created by graphic designer Karen Kavett that's supposed to direct you to the Youtube channel that best fits your current video-watching desires. Me? I just search 'dinosaurs' and watch whatever comes up with a box of Kleenex handy.

Youtube Flowchart on Karen Kavett's Website
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Image of the Day: How to find something good on YouTube [dvice]

Thanks to Alicia, who always heads straight to the cute animal videos.

Sep 13 2010 'Geek And Gamer Girls' Song/Music Video

This is a song/music video entitled 'Geek and Gamer Girls' (another Katy Perry 'California Girls' parody) by Team Unicorn. I thought that one chick in the back right was Evangeline Lilly for the longest time aside, allegedly Team Unicorn is a group of real-life gamer girls which may or may not be true because I've put little to zero effort in researching their credentials. They may just be pretty girls out to prey on poor geeky bastards like myself you. The video does feature cameos by Stan Lee, Seth Green and Battlestar Galactic's Katee Sackoff though, so that's something. Just not enough for me to watch the whole thing while it played, which explains where this bagel came from. Veggie cream cheese, baby -- now that's something I can get excited about!

Hit it for the Olivia Munns of the geek-parody song writing world.

Continue Reading " 'Geek And Gamer Girls' Song/Music Video "

Sep 13 2010 I Said No Mushroom Clouds!: Nuclear Pizza

This is a pizza that looks like a mushroom cloud. No word on whether it set off the smoke detector, but my guess is yes provided they didn't take the batteries out to put in the Geiger counter. So, give it to me straight: if I eat the whole thing you think I'll gain any superpowers? No -- just four pounds? Dammit.

Nuclear Pizza WIN [failblog]

Thanks to Cracknel, who once saw a man eat 10 atomic pizzas and says he didn't gain anything but an extra chin.

Sep 13 2010 Helmets? Where We're Going We Don't Need Helmets Might Actually Be A Good Idea: Tank/Skateboard Hybrid Cruises Up To 30MPH

The Tracked Skateboard is the 125-lb lovechild of a tank and skateboard that shared a special night together while a Segway secretly filmed from the closet (hence the handlebars). You know, or it could have been made by BPG-WERKS for military applications if you're unimaginative and can't believe machines breed. WHICH THEY DO.

The DTV (Dual Tracked Vehicle) Shredder was designed by Ben Gulak of BPG Werks. The DTV is somewhat modular. It seems that the steering bar can be replaced with a handheld accelerator module. Additionally, it can be configured for remote control operation. Designed to take up to a 40 degree slope and with a top speed of [over] 30 mph it's definitely an interesting concept.

I want one. But mine's gonna need a machine-gun turret. Oooh -- and a beer cooler. Now I know what you're thinking, "But GW, zipping around on a tank-board at 30MPH and shooting things while you're drinking -- are you sure that's a good idea?" Good? It's probably the best one I've ever had!

Hit the jump for a very worthwhile video demonstration.

Continue Reading " Helmets? Where We're Going We Don't Need Helmets Might Actually Be A Good Idea: Tank/Skateboard Hybrid Cruises Up To 30MPH "

Sep 13 2010 Obvious Combo: Sexy Transformer Costumes

Because there's no such thing as a costume you can't sexify, here's Optimus Prime and Bumblebee in "Sexy Adult Costume" versions. Nice, but there better not be more than meets the eye under those dresses! Available in time for Halloween (thank God), $56 takes one home. The costumes -- not the girls. Two cups of jungle juice and telling them you're in movies will get the girls. Alternatively, talking about how much better the old cartoons are compared to the movies and how Swideswipe has always been your favorite Autobot will get the girls home alone. Dipping your genitals in the punch bowl will send everybody scattering.

Hit the jump for closeups of all the sessiness.

Continue Reading " Obvious Combo: Sexy Transformer Costumes "

Sep 13 2010 Bots That Feel: Touch-Sensitive Robot Skin

Some dubious scientists at the University of California Berkeley have developed a touch-sensitive "skin" material that can be applied to robot exteriors SO THEY CAN FEEL THE PAIN WHILE I'M BEATING THEM MERCILESSLY. What's next, robots that cry during movies? Because I'm not above throwing candy.

The material is built using semiconductor nanowires that can operate using low voltages, and it's more flexible than previous inorganic synthetic skins. This "e-skin" is also stronger than its competing organic materials. Organic materials are also poor semiconductors, and require a higher voltage to operate.

The e-skin can detect pressure in the range from 0 to 15 kilopascals, or similar to the pressure needed to perform normal daily tasks. In other words, when your cyber-being goes to clean the wine glasses from last night's party, it won't break them, and when your robot goes to make you a sandwich, it won't flatten it to the size of your silicon microprocessor.

Oh right, like I'd ever trust a robot to make a sandwich. God, IF I WANTED FOOD POISONING I'D GO TO APPLEBEE'S.

Artificial 'E-skin' May Soon Help Robots 'Feel' [pcworld]
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Thanks to MrTwinkles, Pesche, JT, Patrick, Zachary, letseatlunch, Jagger and fish man, who agree the only thing robots need to feel is death's cold embrace.

Sep 11 2010 Needs Rainbow Streamers: Unicorn Bike Mod

This unicorn bike mod is sort of exactly what it sounds like: a couple pieces of plastic wood that attach to your bicycle to make it look like a unicorn (or a horse with a penis on its head). Just don't go crapping too many rainbows in the bike lane!

The winner of the Seoul Cycle Design Competition 2010, "Horsey," is a simple kit that allows anyone to turn their roll into a gallop. The designer, Eungi Kim, explains:

'horsey' is an attachable bicycle ornament/accessory which makes one's bicycle look horsey! the 'horsey' package includes wooden ornaments (horsey shape body), metal parts, and screws. the manual is very simple so that anyone can easily arrange it according to one's needs. through this 'horsey' project. I wanted to give a special look to bicycles so that people would care about cycling not only as transportation but also as a lovely pet.

Awesome job, Eungi, now make me a dragon version. I mean the unicorn is cool and all, I just can't see myself gallavanting around town on it. Don't get me wrong, I love unicorns as much as the next six-year old girl, I just prefer something a little manlier when it comes to personal transport. You hear that, Eungi? AND IT BETTER HAVE A FLAMETHROWER. Plus squeaky horn.

A couple more shots of the mythical machine after the jump.

Continue Reading " Needs Rainbow Streamers: Unicorn Bike Mod "

Sep 11 2010 Laws Of Physics Not So Law-Like After All?

Some crackpot scientists (it's a bad day for scientists) are claiming the laws of physics might not be as constant as once thought (which was VERY constant FYI), and may vary from location to location within the universe. Personally, I don't believe it and think somebody forgot to carry a 1 or something during a calculation.

The report describes how one of the supposed fundamental constants of Nature appears not to be constant after all. Instead, this 'magic number' known as the fine-structure constant -- 'alpha' for short -- appears to vary throughout the universe.

"After measuring alpha in around 300 distant galaxies, a consistency emerged: this magic number, which tells us the strength of electromagnetism, is not the same everywhere as it is here on Earth, and seems to vary continuously along a preferred axis through the universe," Professor John Webb from the University of New South Wales said.

"The implications for our current understanding of science are profound. If the laws of physics turn out to be merely 'local by-laws', it might be that whilst our observable part of the universe favours the existence of life and human beings, other far more distant regions may exist where different laws preclude the formation of life, at least as we know it."

Still not buying it. For one thing: aliens. If the laws of physics are so different in other galaxies how did they evolve to look so similar to humans? "Because you built a rocketship-timemachine and went back and had sex with a whole bunch of them?" Haha, I did do that, didn't I? Yeah it was pretty cool.

Laws of Physics Vary Throughout the Universe, New Study Suggests [sciencedaily]

Thanks to nathan and Ford, who only abide by one law: their own. Well damn, cowboys!

Sep 11 2010 Just Keep Her, Please!: Fat Princess IRL

Note: Uncensored picture is after the jump but cannot be unseen and will almost certainly pop into your head the next time you're trying to perform for a lady. You have been warned.

I don't know how many of you have played Fat Princess for the PS3 but it's kind of addictive in a "I just got home drunk and can't play anything too complicated" sort of way. And this is what it would look like in real life: Sir Eat-A-Lot brandishing a not-so-broad sword to protect his princess, who, from the looks of things, has burst from her clothes like a potato in the microwave. God, please tell me there are poster prints available.

Hit the jump and say goodbye to vision.

Continue Reading " Just Keep Her, Please!: Fat Princess IRL "

Sep 11 2010 Boba Fett Brand Space Rum (But Not Really)

I'm pretty sure this picture is old but I thought it was relevant anyway because I've been drinking a lot of rum lately (it makes me feel like a pirate!). You see, I found two bottles stashed in my roommate's dresser while I was looking for a shirt I'm convinced he stole. I'd never seen anal beads in real life before aside (maybe you'll reconsider taking my stuff now!), this is Boba Fett brand space rum. It'll get you drunk! Plus have you dancing on the bar at Mos Eisley quicker than you can say "HOLY SHIT -- THE HANDSOME DEVIL IN THE CORNER JUST SHOT THAT ALIEN UNPROVOKED!"

Picture

Thanks to Aidzo, who always shoots first and asks questions later makes a quick exit.

Sep 10 2010 WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?!: Idiot Scientists Teach Robots To Decieve

THEY'RE CALLED DECEPTICONS FOR A REASON, MORONS. Basically what these two jerks did is program robots to play hide-and-seek, and for the hider to leave a false trail for the seeker to follow. Wonderful news, really. I couldn't be happier right now if my genitals were on fire.

"The hider's set of false communications was defined by selecting a pattern of knocked over markers that indicated a false hiding position," explains Wagner.

This fiendish plan apparently fooled the hunter droids 75 per cent of the time.

"We have developed algorithms that allow a robot to determine whether it should deceive a human or other intelligent machine and we have designed techniques that help the robot select the best deceptive strategy to reduce its chance of being discovered," says Arkin, proudly.

"We strongly encourage discussion about the appropriateness of deceptive robots to determine what, if any, regulations or guidelines should constrain the development of these systems," adds the prof.

Oh you want to encourage discussion about the appropriateness of deceptive robots, do you? Well since you asked, here's my two cents: I'LL F***ING KILL YOU.

Robots capable of 'deceiving humans' built by crazed boffins [theregister]

Thanks to timotheus, REFUKIn, CRIME, Aaron, stopthemachines, Gutteral Retch, Spartacus, John Zoidberg, dr venkman, Curly McSweeter, RedneckNinja, Peter, Asgrim The Mighty, Spencer, Jeff, Fleebworks, Pete, Kaibedz, Ross, webKruzer, Tad Bit Tipsy, Matt and anybody else who I missed, thanks for ruining my weekend. Kidding, I'm just gonna have to drink more to forget.

Sep 10 2010 BEWARE OF STRANGERS WITH CAMERAS

Granted he does look like the unabomber, but still. You can't go busting every photographer taking a picture of an airplane. Next thing you know we won't even be able to skateboard at the mall! Oh, right. Per some people that're pissed off about the poster:

"A lot of my friends like to take pictures," writes Erin McCann, a blogger at WeLoveDC. "Sometimes, we even like to take pictures of things like airplanes. You might call us hobbyists, photo enthusiasts, or just photographers. But now, thanks to a new campaign from the Transportation Security Administration, there's something else you can call us: terrorists."

The TSA's "Blogger Bob" acknowledged on Wednesday that perhaps the poster "didn't go far enough in distinguishing between general photography and suspicious surveillance activity."

"Bob" also seemed to realize that it probably wasn't smart for the TSA to tick off photographers, "since they're extremely observant of their surroundings" and could actually help the administration spot genuine suspicious activity.

It's a camera bro, not a missile launcher. And if he DID have a missile launcher I still wouldn't call the authorities because I'd give him the ol' redneck ejector seat instead (read: jam it up his ass and pull the trigger). Now I know what you're thinking, "holy craps -- why isn't GW the Director of Homeland Security?!" And I'd like to answer your question with another question: did you know I'm a felon?

TSA Campaign Targets Photographers in Hoodies [wired]

Thanks to Tracey and j the brain, who agree the real terrorists at the airport are the restaurants charging $10/beer. WHY DO YOU HATE OUR COUNTRY?!

Sep 10 2010 When Pokemons Procreate: Pokemon Fusion

Ever wonder what the lovechild of two different Pokemons would look like? Me neither, I'm too busy brainstorming the world's hunger problem. My Mother Teresa-ness aside, Pokemon Fusion allows you to morph two Pokemons together to see what their offspring might look like. Basically it takes the body of the first species, and adds the face/coloration of the second. It reminds me of those programs that morph your and your boy/girlfriend's face so you can see what it would look like if you had babies. Which, fun fact, I've never been able to do without the program crashing. IT'S BECAUSE I'M UGLY, ISN'T IT?! No? Because I have a bunch of viruses on my computer from pr0n sites? I'll take it!

Pokemon Fusion

Thanks to Zaphod Beeblebrox, Pokeemanz and Braden, who at least a third of pointed out that Butterfree + Primeape = Butterape (It was Zaphod!).

Sep 10 2010 Stop-Motion Pixel Pac-Man Made With People

Just like Soylent Green! As you may recall from the Tetris one (but probably don't because that was two-and-a-half years ago), Guillaume Reymond creates stop motion video game videos as part of Project GAME OVER. This is one such video. So if you were hoping for a Corgi bellyflopping off a dock, sorry, you're gonna have to look elsewhere (read: search Youtube, dummy).

PAC-MAN was played by real human-beings sitting in a cinema: it's the 5th video performance of the GAME OVER Project from the French-Swiss artist Guillaume Reymond. This stop-motion video was shot and played for the new ProHelvetia's programme GameCulture at the Trafo cinema (Baden, Switzerland) on August 28th 2010. This giant game was played by 111 human pixels that has moved from seat to seat during more than 4 hours...

Damn, 111 people playing musical chairs for 4 hours? I don't know how you did it. Because the last time I was working on my own genius video project I couldn't get three friends to walk down the street for five f***ing seconds. And that was the day I realized that, not only does nobody believes in me, but I have no friends. So you wanna know what I did that night? Got the drunkest I've ever been.

Hit it for the worth-a-watch video.

Continue Reading " Stop-Motion Pixel Pac-Man Made With People "

Sep 10 2010 Baby Got Back!: Humpback Dino Discovered

Because a person's dino knowledge is inversely proportional to age and that makes me the saddest man on the planet, here's some dino news in hopes of reversing the trend. Remember folks: knowledge is power. And power = LASERS. *pew pew* I'm learning! *pew pew* This is a humpbacked dinosaur recently discovered in Spain. Mmmm, looks like something to hold on to while you're hittin' it, amirite?! No I'm not, it looks like a tumor.

The new find has jaws and small, clawed forelimbs that bear a resemblance to the Tyrannosaurus rex which belongs to a different dinosaur family.

But all similarities end with the spine, which is astonishingly curved and has a small hump, Professor Escaso said.

"It is the first time we have ever seen a structure like this on the spine of a dinosaur, although it is common on some animals today, such as cows," Professor Escaso said.

"At the moment, the function of this structure is unclear. We believe that the animal was not diseased because the spine shows no sign of being cracked or broken, we think it is a feature of this species. One hypothesis is that it was a reservoir of fat."

The new species has been named Concavenator corcovatus, from "Conca," the Latin word for Cuenca; "venator," for hunter; and "corcovatus," or hump-backed.

Listen, I don't care what it was for just as long as I can sit on it. What? Oh like you've never barebacked a camel before! Wait a minute -- you've, uh, never commando-barebacked a camel before? It's really a sensual experience.

Remains found in Spain of 'bizarre' dinosaur with a hump on its back [theaustralian]

Thanks to david, ben, Jordan, Divo, Kris, bob and Spikey DaPikey, who know what the GW likes! (banging dinos FYI)

Sep 10 2010 I See Hobbits!: Interactive Middle Earth Map

Geekologie Reader Kris went and created an interactive map of Middle Earth from the Lord of the Rings universe (with labels available in English AND Elvish). Good lookin', Kris. You know, for some reason I always thought Mordor was north and not south. Color me embarrassed! Oh well, you learn something new everyday. Sometimes several things. Cat food makes me ooky!

Interactive Middle Earth Map

Thanks Kris, now make me an interactive treasure map and let's scavenger hunt!

Sep 9 2010 The Object To Your Left Is Now Your Weapon..

FUUUUUUUUUUUUU -- I got a toss-up between a universal remote and scented candle. Well -- what did you get? And more importantly, can I have half?

Thedailywh.at

Thanks to Bullwinkle, who once fought off a zombie horde with nothing but a talking squirrel.

Sep 9 2010 It Really Tied The Movies Together: Morpheus Explains The Matrix To The Big Lebowski

This is a Matrix/Big Lebowski mashup in which Morpheus tries to explain the Matrix to The Dude. I was impressed. And not just because I'm a big Big Lebowski fan, but I do set aside at least one night a week to mix white russians and bowl watch Julianne Moore fly around her house naked. What? No you can't come next time! It's sort of a private thing we do. Just kidding, I only have one pair of binoculars and I don't like sharing.

Hit it for the worthwhile mashup.

Continue Reading " It Really Tied The Movies Together: Morpheus Explains The Matrix To The Big Lebowski "

Sep 9 2010 No!: Heavy Facebook Users Are 'Insecure, Narcissistic And Have Low Self-Esteem'

According to a recent study, heavy Facebook users are "insecure, narcissistic and have low self-esteem". Except me. My Facebook's open almost all day and I'm very secure, handsome as shit and have almost zero self-esteem.

Researcher Soraya Mehdizadeh from York University in Canada asked 100 students, 50 male and 50 female, aged between 18 and 25 about their Facebook habits.

They all took psychology tests to measure their levels of narcissism, which the study defined as 'a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and an exaggerated sense of self-importance'.

Those who scored higher on the narcissism test checked their Facebook pages more often each day than those who did not.

This may not be altogether surprising as it is widely thought, however contradictory it may appear, that narcissism is linked to a deep-rooted lack of self-esteem.

Miss Mehdizadeh admitted that not everyone would appreciate her findings.

She said: 'I think people get sort of defensive about it - like, "I don't use my Facebook for that reason" - because it's a label that you don't want to be slapped with.'

Listen lady, I don't care what kind of label you're slapping me with just as long as you're paying attention to me. That said, everybody join the Facebook Geekologie Page right this instant. Validation: I need it. For real though -- I'm really not paying to park here.

Facebook users 'are insecure, narcissistic and have low self-esteem' [dailymail]
and
Geekologie on Facebook

Thanks to Ryan, who agrees any study with a 100-person sample has got to be legit.

Sep 9 2010 It's About Damn Time!: Bags Of Nothing-But-Cereal-Marshmallows Now Available

That's right folks, no more sifting through boxes of Lucky Charms just to make a single bowl of marshmallows! Now you can have one whenever you want. Goodbye oat bran, hello cavities! (I'm gonna stash a bag in my ass for snacking you see).

Here at Cereal Marshmallows Our Goal is to Deliver you the absolute best and Crunchiest marshmallows available and I believe that is just what we have. I searched the World Over Japan, China Mexico, Netherlands, Germany, Belgium, UK, Australia, NOWHERE could I Get a Crunchy Crispy Marshmallow I ordered everything you could imagine and tried to get manufacturers to make it for me to no avail. I ended up with a pile of soft Yucky marshmallows big enough to fill a Dozen Trash bags Then Right here in the USA I found the perfect Marshmallow only Problem was I had to order over 10,000 pounds WOW and Marshmallows are LIGHT this is a SEMI Truck full well a big step but nonetheless one we made and now we sell out every 4 months or so I'm sure you will love these marshmallows

Although I cant give you the Exact shapes as in your favorite Cereal I do have the same Crunchy Marshmallows. My Charms are half Circles, Squares, Quarter moons and a triangle this product in my opinion is The Best marshmallow on the market!

Prices start at $7 for two 7oz bags and go up to $400 for a 95lb bag. Oh my goodness -- can you even imagine a 95-pound bag of cereal marshmallows? I can -- like six beanbag chairs.

Cereal Marshmallows

Thanks to Matt, who once made a bowl of nothing but the raisin clusters from Raisin Nut Bran and nearly died from deliciousness.

Sep 9 2010 Gotta Crack 'Em All!: Pokémon Eggs

Note: I had to cut the image for length, see the full, high-res version HERE. Lower-res version after the jump.

This is a picture of 209 Pokémon eggs as imagined by DeviantARTist PokePage. Now I don't play Pokémon because my mom thinks it's satanic and the devil already tries to tempt me enough with booze and loose womens, so it's just better if I just stick to Dungeons & Dragons and Farmville. Which -- I NEED FENCE POSTS @$$HOLES, WHO'S GOT 'EM?!

Hit the jump for the whole low-res poster.

Continue Reading " Gotta Crack 'Em All!: Pokémon Eggs "

Sep 9 2010 The Future Is Now: Scientists Succesfully Move Object Five Feet Using Tractor Beam

Tractor beam, get it? Well of course it's not funny if I have to explain it! Huh? You got it right away and it just wasn't funny? Oh. IT'S THE ROCK TALKIN' I'M SORRY, OKAY? F*** am I itchy.

Yes, researchers at the Australian National University have created a device that can move small particles multiple feet using only light. Wow.

Here's how it works:

The device works by shining a hollow laser beam around tiny glass particles. The air surrounding the particle heats up, while the dark center of the beam stays cool. When the particle starts to drift out of the middle and into the bright laser beam, the force of heated air molecules bouncing around and hitting the particle's surface is enough to nudge it back to the center.

Pretty cool, huh? TOO BAD THE ALIENS HAVE HAD THIS TECHNOLOGY FOR MILLENNIUMS! How else do you think they steal away with people in the middle of the night without anybody noticing? And don't say secret underground passages either or you're gonna sound ridiculous. They're not mole-people, stupid!

Holy moly: tractor beams are now a real, existing thing [dvice]

Thanks to Jeff, who doesn't need a tractor beam because he can use The Force. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

Sep 9 2010 'Child Playing' Optical Illusion To Slow Drivers

Seen here luring an unsuspecting pederast out of his candy-laden vehicle, Canada is experimenting with the optical illusion of a child playing as an alternative to speed bumps and moose to help discourage speeding. I can see it now: "Damn -- look at how big that girl's shoes--" *CRASH!*

In what sounds like a terrifying experience, the girl's elongated form appears to rise from the ground as cars approach, reaching 3D realism at around 100 feet, and then returning to 2D distortion once cars pass that ideal viewing distance. Its designers created the image to give drivers who travel at the street's recommended 18 miles per hour (30 km per hour) enough time to stop before hitting Pavement Patty-acknowledging the spectacle before they continue to safely roll over her.

Despite fears that drivers may stop suddenly or swerve into actual 3D children, David Duane of the BCAA Traffic Safety Foundation told CTV news that the bump was meant to bring attention to driver-caused pedestrian injuries, and that the fake girl should not cause accidents:

"It's a static image. If a driver can't respond to this appropriately, that person shouldn't be driving...."

Listen: I hate to break it to you, Captain Traffic, BUT AT LEAST HALF THE PEOPLE DRIVING SHOULDN'T BE. Myself included. That said, you can bet your transportation safety ass I'm gonna swerve onto the sidewalk if I ever see that thing. You know, provided I wasn't up there already. What? It's like having your own little lane!

Speed Bumps of the Future: Creepy Optical Illusion Children [discover]

Thanks to Matt and Gutteral Retch, who're great drivers and only hit mailboxes.

Sep 9 2010 But Can It Hold Up Beer Cans?: A NES Table

Sorry for the slightly late start today folks, I got up at 4AM to drive to LAX and back so if I seem like a crackhead it's because I bought some on the way home. OMG I can totally see how people get hooked on this shit aside, this is a NES console coffee table lovingly crafted by Matt. Matt who? Matt Nunjabiz. I'm serious, stop asking questions.

"Opening the lid reveals the storage for the controller, or even can store remote controls and game controllers in there for easy access/storage," Matt tells Kotaku. "The controller ports are actually two power outlets so I can plug in my laptop to charge."

Great job Mack, I'll give you $30 and a stack of milk crates for it. And -- AND -- throw in anything you want from my neighbor's that I can grab during the time it takes him to walk his dog. Just sayin', I think I saw a bong by the couch.

Hit the jump for several more pictures and a video of the coffee table in action if coffee tables actually did things besides just sitting there holding up beer cans.

Continue Reading " But Can It Hold Up Beer Cans?: A NES Table "

Sep 8 2010 Eh, The Honor Roll Is Overrated: Bumper Stickers For Parents Of Gamer Children

You know those "I'm a Proud Parent of a Honor Roll Student at Nobodycares Middle School" bumper stickers? Yes, the ones that make you want to key the car they're on. Oh you have one? Well it works for you. Seriously, it really ties the back of the minivan together. The little stick-figure family portrait too (I'll be back to pour sugar in your gas tank).

My son Dean is going to be out of beta in just over 3 months and I've got some preparing to do. I've never understood why parent stick the crap bumper stickers about their six year olds making the honor list in a grade where bladder control is part of the curriculum. So I decided to make some stickers that I would be proud to brag about to the world. And since my child will grow up playing games that build character (and OCD) they would look like this

'Geekolgie Writer for President 2012' aside, stickers have no place on a car. *ahem* I'm looking at you, failed inspection sticker! Speaking of which -- anybody here in the automotive industry wanna give me a pass for a cool $20 under the table? Maybe roll my odometer back 40K while you're at it? Haha, what do you mean "that's illegal"? Your face should be!

Bumper Sticker [zero-lives]

Thanks to Matt, who only puts sparkly and/or smelly stickers on his car because he's classy and that is textbook classy if I've ever heard it.

Sep 8 2010 Save Me!: Disney Heroines As Superheroes

DeviantARTist kreugan (aka Melissa Erickson) decided to sketch up some leading Disney ladies as superheroes. These are them! LET'S HUG ABOUT IT!

Disney princesses as superheroes! There are a few missing because I lost steam (and should be doing other things), but I might come back and add them eventually.

Also here are their superpowers:
Ariel = aquagirl
Belle = one of those archer/hunter heroes
Aurora = supergirl, came to earth in a clear cryo pod (GET IT) .. I also like that her name is spacey :'D
Jasmine = cat(tiger?)woman
Cinderalla = controls glass/ice/crystal/something
Mulan = reincarnated dragon powers or something
Snow White = she-hulkish, turned into zombie/vampire/?? by experimental cloned apple (added cloak since the rest of her outfit is so stiff! also she looked a bit chilly)
Tiana = poison ivy-ish

As you can read, Melissa really put a lot of thought into who each character would be. Oooooor just started drawing. Whatever the case, I'm gonna pretend like I'm drowning and see if I can't get Aqua Girl Ariel to come out of her sand castle and give me a lil mouth-to-mouth. *thrashing around in the surf* Oh -- here she comes! OMG -- is that...no, it can't be...does she have an eel for a tongue?! Harpoon, HARPOOOOOON!

Kreugan's DeviantART
via
Disney Princess Superheroes [buzzfeed]

Thanks to jennie, who could whip any of these ladies and doesn't have to pay homage to a mouse at the end of the day.

Sep 8 2010 Geekologie Reader's Death Star Ear Tattoo

Jake is a Geekologie Reader with a Death Star/TIE Fighter tattoo in his left ear. As you can see, it compliments his ear plug nicely. Now I know what you're wondering, "But what if he got it in his right ear -- would that make him gay?" And the answer, moron, is no. Being attracted to the same sex makes you gay. Well, that and Twilight. Except for me. Two shots at the bar is enough to start me swinging both ways. Furiously. Usually until I'm too dizzy to connect and strike out. "GW, calm down -- this isn't a bat-spin!" PLUT ME IN CROACH!

Let's Hear It For This Cool Star Wars Ear Tattoo [starwarsblog] (with interview)
and
Jake's Tumblr

Sep 8 2010 How To: Not Fire A Watermelon Out Of A Giant Slingshot Without Hitting Yourself In The Face

Note: Very worthwhile video of the whole incident after the jump.

This is an animated gif of a woman on The Amazing Race trying to shoot a watermelon out of a medieval slingshot at a renaissance fair and melonballing herself in the face instead. She managed to survive with nothing but a numb face, a headache, and probably some seeds planted in her eyes/brain. Now, I'm not saying I don't want her on my castle besieging team, but I do get to pick first so you're gonna get stuck with her (I suggest setting her ablaze and catapulting her over a wall).

Hit the jump for the very worthwhile video.

Continue Reading " How To: Not Fire A Watermelon Out Of A Giant Slingshot Without Hitting Yourself In The Face "

Sep 8 2010 Nintendo: "Our Next Console Is Gonna Blow Your Effin' Socks Off AND Suckle Ya Toes!"

According to Japanese game designer/Metroid co-creator Yoshio Sakamoto, the next Nintendo console is gonna be so hot just touching it will send your grandchildren to the hospital with 3rd degree burns. Aye yi yi -- that's one hot tamale. Per the man himself:

"At Nintendo we always have the obligation to surprise users with a new game console," Sakamoto told website 3D Juegos in a recent interview. "We have never done what others have. We prefer to create something new that catches attention, and I think this will continue this time as well. Surely the new Nintendo machine will leave you all with your mouth open."

Last year, Nintendo president Satoru Iwata stressed the importance of surprising people with the new Nintendo console -- more importantly, Iwata mentioned how it was important for Nintendo to include "meaningful" surprises for consumers. "As for timing," Iwata said at the time, "it may be three years from now, five years from now or eight years from now."

Whoa whoa whoa -- eight years from now? Who's to say there's even gonna be an eight years from now? Did the ancient Mayans teach us anything? Corn tortillas are the shit!

Nintendo's Next Console Will Leave You With Your Mouth Open [kotaku]

Thanks to Brutus, who agrees eight years is a long time to wait for a bunch of children's games.

Sep 8 2010 Sadness: Dinosaur Knowledge Versus Age

Damn that makes me sad. By the time you're old enough to make a graph about dinosaurs you can't even spell dinosaurs correctly. It's enough to make a dinophile cry. Which reminds me: my second semester at college I managed to sign up for a senior-level paleontology course despite it having a whole bunch of prerequisites I never took. Yeah, and not only did we never watch Jurassic Park, the teacher tried to fail me for stealing bones. I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I THOUGHT MY LAB FEES COVERED THEM!

Ahh, Jurassic Youth [graphjam]

Thanks to whitney and Chinese Fingercuffs, who both subscribe to National Geographic to stay on the cutting edge of breaking dino-news and native booby pictorials.

Sep 8 2010 Midichlorian Rhapsody: What It Sounds Like

'Midichlorian Rhapsody' is exactly what it sounds like: a Star Wars themed parody of 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. It's pretty good. Of course I could have done better, but I've also been approached by several major record companies about not sending unsolicited mixtapes of myself singing to the radio. Now, put on your about-to-be-impressed pants and prepare to be blown away! Ahem:

Leiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaa -- I killed a man

I put my saber to his head
I took his mask off now he's dad

BOOM -- best thing I've ever written. If you need me I'll be in my trailer taking the rest of the year off.

Hit the jump for the stick-it-to-the-man 6:00 song and video.

Continue Reading " Midichlorian Rhapsody: What It Sounds Like "

Sep 8 2010 Have Fun With The Apocalypse, Suckers: Possible Livable Solar System Discovered

Did I mention it's only 127 light-years away? Start packing the rocketship! Haha, not you. You're not coming.

Astronomers have discovered a planetary system containing at least five planets that orbit a star called HD 10180, which is much like our own Sun.

Christophe Lovis from Geneva University's observatory in Switzerland was lead researcher on the study. He said that his team had probably found "the system with the most planets yet discovered".

"This also highlights the fact that we are now entering a new era in exoplanet research - the study of complex planetary systems and not just of individual planets," he said.

They say this is the "richest" system of exoplanets - planets outside our own Solar System - ever found.

Richest system of exoplanets ever found?! Count me in! You think ol' moneybags here needs a pool boy or something? Because if not I can also cut grass. Granted not very well on account of the whole "drinking problem" thing, but hey -- you get what you pay for (in this case you only paid enough for a guy to hide in your shed and look through old Playboys).

Rich exoplanet system discovered [bbcnews]

Thanks to kipperoo, who's coming with me to help steal the planets' adamantium ala Avatar and then coming back here to f*** all the robots up with our new claws.

Sep 7 2010 WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

This is closed-circuit security footage from inside a restaurant aboard a Pacific Sun cruise ship during rough seas. It looks like fun! Plus I'm a sucker for a 24-hour all-you-can-eat buffet. Get it? Because I have an eating problem!

Hit the jump for the MUST SEE video. Seriously, you have to see it, it's great.

Continue Reading " WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! "

Sep 7 2010 Maybe If You Didn't Play Starcraft So Much...

You'd have remembered to feed the poor bastard. Oh well -- fish stick for dinner!

Picture

Thanks to Andy, who once forgot to feed his cat while playing World of Warcraft but it started clawing his socks and he remembered (plus bled!).

Sep 7 2010 Great, Even Our Fruits Aren't Safe: Robotic Devil Robot Climbs Tree, Tries To Tempt GW

I always knew the devil would transform and slither out in snake form again. You see, he wants to tempt me. But guess what, Satan?! I have absolutely no intention of spending eternity clenching a hot coal between these virgin buttcheeks! *brandishing hatched* Prepare to be Washington'ed!

From the Biorobotics Lab at Carnegie Mellon University [previously seen HERE], a snake robot (Snakebot) demonstrates how it can climb a tree and look around.

Please keep in mind that this robot climbed a specific tree with a specific trunk width about 1 meter off of the ground. The researchers working to design, build and program these robots still have much work to do to get these bots to climb taller trees of various sizes and to navigate over branches and wires.

You know what? I see what you're doing and I don't like it. You're trying to play it all coy and act like this thing can't climb a greased flagpole evenn though we both know it can. Nice try, devil snake! Now, the rest of you might want to cover your eyes. As soon as I cut the devil's head off shit's gonna get real freaky real quick. Remember when the Nazis took the top off the Ark in Raiders of the Lost Ark? Well I imagine it's gonna be something like that. I don't f***ing know, this is uncharted territory for me too!

Hit the jump for a terrifying demonstration of the snake's tree-climbing ability. Abandon fort, abandon fort!

Continue Reading " Great, Even Our Fruits Aren't Safe: Robotic Devil Robot Climbs Tree, Tries To Tempt GW "

Sep 7 2010 Classy: Simplistic Star Wars Poster Remakes

Andy Helms went and redesigned minimalistic posters for the first three Star Wars films (the good ones). These are the results (other two after the jump). As you might have noticed, I used the most phallic one for the front page because I'm you're a pervert. And, if you're interested, you can can contact Andy through his Etsy page HERE about procuring a set of the prints before George 'F*** Your Childhood' Lucas sues his Bantha-loving balls off. Pfft, and you wonder why everyone hates you! It's the hair, George, you look ridiculous.

The other two after the jump.

Continue Reading " Classy: Simplistic Star Wars Poster Remakes "

Sep 7 2010 LEGO Nintendo Stop-Motion Madness!

Ninja Moped (formally Rymdreglage), is the musical duo that brought us last year's '8-Bit Trip'. And now they're back with more LEGO/NES videos! No word on how many man-hours went into stop-motioning these ones, but if I had to guess I'd say way too many for either one of these jokers to hold a full-time job. So there's that. But there's also this other, much more interesting thing: *dropping trou* EVER SEEN A RASH LIKE THAT BEFORE?! No but seriously, I already did the whole WebMD thing and I'm trying to avoid a co-pay.

Hit the jump for the first three episodes of NES-quiz, videos featuring LEGOfied NES games that you get to guess!

Continue Reading " LEGO Nintendo Stop-Motion Madness! "

Sep 7 2010 Awesome Dr. Who Sonic Screwdriver Wiimote

Do you own a Wii? Are you a fan of Dr. Who? No, DOCTOR WHO, that's his name. Huh? OMG I'M GONNA "WHO'S ON FIRST?" YOU IN THE FACE SO HARD YOU'LL WISH YOU NEVER PLAYED LITTLE LEAGUE IF YOU DON'T CUT THAT SHIT OUT. God you piss me off sometimes. Anyway, a Sonic Screwdriver Wiimote.

...there's an official Sonic Screwdriver Wii controller coming, one fully licensed and signed off on by BBC Worldwide. Designed to be used with the upcoming Dr. Who: Return to Earth being released for the Wii this Winter, it's a lovingly detailed little accessory that'll go perfectly with that Dalek model you have next to your couch.

Damn, I'm almost tempted to hook my Wii back up...FOR THE NEW ZELDA! When's that dropping, early 2011? Hmmm, if I'm gonna make it I might have to cut back on my drinking. And I'm not just saying that because I found myself at the old folks home stealing catheter bags, but I did have to subdue this one geezer with his own walker. *thwack* IT'S MY URINE NOW!

Sonic Screwdriver Wiimote helps you save the universe with your Wii [dvice]

Sep 7 2010 Now You're Just Being Nasty: Single-Malt Whiskey Made From Diabetics' Urine

I know, I'm still dry-heaving about it. Or maybe it was the roach I found in my cereal hanging onto a Cheerio like a life preserver. Whatever the case, I think I'm empty now. Let's proceed with caution:

James Gilpin is a designer and researcher who works on the implementation of new biomedical technologies. He's also got type 1 diabetes, where his body doesn't produce enough insulin to regulate blood sugar levels.

So he's started a project which turns the sugar-rich urine of elderly diabetics into a high-end single malt whisky, suitable for export.

The source material is acquired from elderly volunteers, including Gilpin's own grandmother. The urine is purified in the same way as mains water is purified, with the sugar molecules removed and added to the mash stock to accelerate the whisky's fermentation process. Traditionally, that sugar would be made from the starches in the mash.

Once fermented into a clear alcohol spirit, whisky blends are added to give colour, taste and viscosity, and the product is bottled with the name and age of the contributor.

Okay that's just f***ing disgusting. There is absolutely no reason to drink geriatric pee whiskey unless you're on a spaceship to a far-away galaxy and THERE IS 100% NO OTHER WAY TO GET DRUNK but to make tinkle tonic. Which is exactly how I know I could never be an astronaut. Thanks but no thanks, Jack Dangles!

Hit the jump for several more shots of the I'd rather go sober.

Continue Reading " Now You're Just Being Nasty: Single-Malt Whiskey Made From Diabetics' Urine "

Sep 7 2010 Amazing Real Life Excitebike, Plus Video!

Justin Harder (sessy name!) went and built himself a real-life Excitebike. Okay, a bicycle that looks like a motorcycle that looks like one from the game of the same name. Plus there's a video-reenactment of a race! You should watch it, you won't be disappointed! Ooooor maybe you will be. But does that make you high maintenance and undate-able? Absolutely. Have fun dying alone, prissy-pants!

Hit the jump for a very worthwhile short and a link to Justin's Flickr with a TON of build pics.

Continue Reading " Amazing Real Life Excitebike, Plus Video! "

Sep 7 2010 Tastes Like Vomit: Bacon And Pizza Sodas

I've had some of Jones Soda's limited edition Thanksgiving brews (Turkey & Gravy, Green Been Casserole) before, and they pretty much made me want to die. But who knows, maybe the bacon and pizza will be different. Except you and I both know they won't and their only purpose is getting an unsuspecting friend to drink one so you can stand back and laugh while they project their most recent meal onto the floor. Haha! Is that...ramen? Ah, Pad Thai -- I was close.

Jones Soda
and
Picture

Thanks to Bobby Blastoff, who doesn't drink anything but rocket-fuel flavored soda.

Sep 7 2010 Advertising Your Apartment Party To Neighbors

Simple, just change the name of your network! Oooor post fliers. Or -- OR -- hire a couple male strippers dressed as policemen to show up and run some of that yellow 'CRIME SCENE' tape around the premises because they heard there was going to be "an epic-ass party Saturday night". Mmmm, epic ass parties. What?! I'm a swinger!

Should I Go? [reddit]

Thanks to Shayne and christopher, who agree Boozer and the pink ladies should get together and really throw a party.

Sep 6 2010 DO NOT WORK: Happy Labor Dabor Day!

Haaaaappy Labor Dabor Day! I don't know if you could tell by the smell in here, but it's been one bender of a holiday weekend so far. Me passing in and out of consciousness aside, I think I left hotdogs on the grill. Plus I need another beer. Everybody enjoy their day off, and I'll see you all tomorrow. Oh -- and don't forget to call your mother. Without her selfless act of labor, you wouldn't even be here to celebrate. Happy Labor Dabor Day!

Hit the jump for the uncensored pic that may or may not show some nipple (I've never seen one so I can't say).

Continue Reading " DO NOT WORK: Happy Labor Dabor Day! "

Sep 4 2010 Mesmerizing! Alternatively, Double Bubble All The Way: Giant Bubbles Popping In Slow-Mo

This is a video of somebody's grandpa blowing giant-ass bubbles on the beach and them popping in slow motion. It's mesmerizing. I mean, come on -- who doesn't love bubbles? Exactly, only devil worshipers and Bubble Boy. Anyway, I assume this is some sort of viral ad for Canon's 550D camera, who's marketing department I'll be in contact with about how to collect my check. Haha, what do you mean "there won't be a check"? NIKON I'M A NIKON GUY.

Hit it for the very worthwhile video (also available in HD).

Continue Reading " Mesmerizing! Alternatively, Double Bubble All The Way: Giant Bubbles Popping In Slow-Mo "

Sep 4 2010 My Breath, I'm Not Holding It: Duke Nukem Forever Actually Being Released Next Year?

Duke Nukem Forever, the game that was never meant to be, is allegedly back in development and on track for a 2011 release for PC, XBox and PS3. Wait a minute -- is it April 1st already?

Take Two Interactive Software pulled off one of the video game world's biggest surprises Friday, announcing not only that the over-a-decade-in-development first person shooter was nearly finished, but backing that claim up by giving the 150,000 people attending the Penny Arcade Expo in Seattle the chance to play the game.

And while 3D Realms is no more, Gearbox Software, the studio behind "Borderlands" and "Brothers in Arms" (and staffed with a number of former 3DR employees), has taken over development on the game.

"Gearbox has enabled die-hard key Duke Nukem franchise builders and skilled veteran game makers to stand together and deliver," said Randy Pitchford, president of Gearbox Software. "All gamers deserve a happy ending and after all of us gamers feeling the full range of emotions about Duke Nukem Forever, I am thrilled to be in a position with the trust, power and means to make it happen."

Amazing. I'm really curious to see how everything pans out. Because at this point I don't believe it. Like I believe t I could plant mushrooms in my ass and gnomes would take up residence before Duke Nukem comes out. Seriously, this game's development has became a case study in watching a bunch of grown-ass men trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. "Just keep shaving the corners, boys -- we've got this shit!"

Surprise! Duke Nukem Forever uncanceled, playable at PAX [pluggedin]

Thanks to David, Bluness, Gregatron Surtrax, soundwave and Mark, who really have their hopes up which is awesome because I love watching dreams get crushed.

Sep 3 2010 Haha -- That's What You Get For Bragging!: Facebook Inflection Fail

As young Ryan here has hopefully learned, the way something sounds when spoken aloud (or in your head) doesn't always translate smoothly to the written word. That, or he was actually banging a dude in the hot tub. Which: BT, DT, not accepting premixed drinks from those Jersey Shore kids again. Oh, there was a situation, alright. Namely, butt ache.

Thedailywh.at

Thanks to alan, who may or may not be THE Alan Grant, the palaeontologist from Jurassic Park who I plan to kidnap and torture mercilessly for information pertaining to the island's exact whereabouts. Well -- are you?!

Sep 3 2010 Just Like Anybody Else: How Batman Spends A Night Off

Ever wonder how the Caped Crusader spends a night off from fighting crime? Well wonder no more thanks to this first-of-its-kind look into Batman after-hours. Is he gonna wax the Batmobile? Update his Facebook and LinkedIn profiles? Get drunk and go on a crime spree only to whip his own ass the next morning? You're gonna have to watch to find out! No, no you're not. Gay sex with Robin.

Hit the jump for the moderately entertaining video.

Continue Reading " Just Like Anybody Else: How Batman Spends A Night Off "

Sep 3 2010 Oh Yeah, Waste That Time: Treadmillasaurus Rex, The Dinosaur On A Treadmill Game

Treadmillasaurus Rex has all the prerequisites for an awesome video game: dinosaurs, lasers, spikey balls, confetti, party lights, fancy hats, and exercise. Kidding, it could actually do without the exercise. Me? Not so much. My love handles monkey bars aside, give it a play and stick it to the man for a couple minutes. It's not like you're doing anything but counting the minutes until the holiday weekend anyway. Haha, do I know you or what?! I don't, I just have a spy camera hidden in your office. I saw how you spent your lunch break! And I want in.

Treadmillasaurus Rex [armorgames]

Thanks to eL Capitan!, EliteTek, letrappe and rhino, who agree all dinosaurs should join the gym to keep them fit and limber for my sex parties.

Sep 3 2010 Zuckerberg, Is That You?: Hot Facebook Ride

"Holla back at my wall, son!"

Picture [pegamixels]
and
Geekologie's Facebook Page

Thanks to Ashley, who drove a Myspace Corolla until she realized Myspace was a dead horse and drove it into a lake.

Sep 3 2010 These Beats Are So Fresh!: 8-Bit Mixtape

Note: Video is after the jump because these beats are so fresh they'd make the front page look rotten.

This is a little composition by Eclectic Method appropriately titled '8-Bit Mixtape'. It's basically a bunch of beats and audio effects from old video games strung together in a way that sounds like bumpin' music. The whole thing's surprisingly good but the Tetris part is by far the best so if you disagree you and I will be taking this outside and I will be dropping you on the curb like a garbage bag full of Play-Doh. See, what I'm gonna do is fake with the right, then come in with a left hook that'll make you say 'Oh golly, not right in the temple!" Thing is, it's gonna be. Right. In. The. Temple. Of your doom. See what I did there? Hold on, hold on -- one last crusade.

Hit the jump for the it's probably not for everyone.

Continue Reading " These Beats Are So Fresh!: 8-Bit Mixtape "

Sep 3 2010 Nobody Reads Anyway: How To Sell Books

What, no "These Books Have Three-Tittied Alien Chicks Wielding Swords In Spaceships on Their Covers" section? Amazon it is.

How To Sell Books [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Karsten, who only buys books for their cover art. Who doesn't?!

Sep 3 2010 Double Rainbow Guy In Windows Commercial

Note: Video is after the jump because this guy is waaay too trippin' me out to be on the front page.

This is a new commercial for Windows Live Photo Gallery featuring the guy from the double rainbow video. And let me tell you: it was a real treat to finally be able to put a face to the drug user.

Hit the jump for the commercial as well as a bonus "Meet Bear" (Bear, that's what he likes to go by) video.

Continue Reading " Double Rainbow Guy In Windows Commercial "

Sep 3 2010 Outerspace, You Never Cease To Amaze Me: The Bubble Nebula

This is the Bubble Nebula, located in the Cassiopeia constellation, over 11,000 light-years away. Which, I think we can all agree, would make one hell of a road trip. OMG I SWEAR IF I HEAR ONE MORE "ARE WE THERE YET?" I WILL TURN THIS SPACESHIP AROUND AND FLY IT INTO THE NEAREST SUN!

Cataloged as NGC 7635, it is also known simply as The Bubble Nebula. Although it looks delicate, the 10 light-year diameter bubble offers evidence of violent processes at work. Above and right of the Bubble's center is a hot, O-type star, several hundred thousand times more luminous and approximately 45 times more massive than the Sun. A fierce stellar wind and intense radiation from that star has blasted out the structure of glowing gas against denser material in a surrounding molecular cloud.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Holy shit we need to pop that thing. And, perhaps for the first time ever, we're on the same page. I mean, who knows what kind of magical space technology lurks inside that bubble! Hover boots, x-ray specs, invisibility cloaks, time machines -- the possibilities are endless! Just kidding, those are the only four.

A Chrome Marble Floating In Deep Space [gizmodo]

Sep 3 2010 Take Your Shirt Off!: Chesty Superhero Tattoo

UPDATE: Geekologie reader has a shot of his just-as-impressive back taken at Comic-Con. Picture after the jump.

This is a picture of a guy with a bunch of older-school (Teen Titan) superheroes tattooed all over his chest. It's not really the best work I've ever seen, but what do you expect from a hipster guy wearing suspenders but no shirt? If you answered "nipples that look like dried vomit", congratulations, pick a small prize.

Hit the jump for the back shot.

Continue Reading " Take Your Shirt Off!: Chesty Superhero Tattoo "

Sep 2 2010 You'll Never Be An Exterminator!: Man Blows Himself Up Trying to Kill A Spider For Wife

Because stupid people hurting themselves really tickles my fancy, here's a story about some jackass who blew himself up in the bathroom trying to kill a spider. Come on maine, haven't you ever heard of a shoe?!

The 28 year-old suffered severe burns after attacking the arachnid with an aerosol can at his home in Clacton in Essex.

The man was summoned by his wife to deal with a spider she had seen scuttling behind the lavatory on Bank Holiday Monday. Not being able to reach it, the man decided to kill it by spraying it with the can.

However he was unable to see whether it was dead because the bulb in the bathroom light had blown. At this point he turned to a cigarette lighter to illuminate the room, but in the process ignited the gas fumes and caused an explosion.

The blast was so strong it blew the man off his feet and lifted the loft door off its hinges.

He suffered flash burns to his head, legs and torso and was rushed by ambulance to hospital after dousing himself in cold water.

Granted this guy is MENSA material compared to Electric Nips, but still. Haven't you ever heard of masking the smell of a numero dos by lighting a match? And have you ever heard of someone dropping it between their legs before all the gas trapped in the bowl has dissipated? What happened? Exactly, they blasted off like a rocket and fought a towel bar with their face. Been there, done that, six stitches and an Owen Wilson nose, amirite?!

Man blows himself up trying to kill a spider [telegraph]
and
Picture

Thanks to Ash, who kills spiders the old fashioned way: tearing their legs off one by one and then letting them starve to death. WOW. Also, my apologies to anybody who's itching now because of the picture. I couldn't help myself!

Sep 2 2010 Somebody's Going To Hell! Stephen Hawking: "God Not Necessary For Universe To Exist"

Seen here trying to bite his tongue but catching his lip instead, Stephen Hawking claims there's no need for a God in order for the universe to exist. *Preparing napsack and evacuation route for flame war*

Now, in his upcoming book, according to an excerpt of the introduction released by the London Times which isn't getting any traffic from this because of their pay wall), Hawking declares that the Big Bang can be explained without God.

"Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing," Hawking and his co-author, Caltech physicist Leonard Mlodinow, write in "The Grand Design," which is due to be issued next week. "Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist. It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper [British way of saying light the fuse] and set the universe going."

Listen: I'm not even gonna pretend to be smart (because I'm not), but Stephen Hawking did give us E=Mc², amirite? No? That was Einstein? Oh. Well then maybe he's just bitter at God for wheelchairing him.

Bad News, Religious People: Stephen Hawking Says God Didn't Create the Universe [nymag]

Thanks to lil co., who a universe without isn't worth living in.

Sep 2 2010 The United States Of Star Wars (Geography)

Note: X-wing your way over to a full-size version HERE.

Rogue Leader Rebecca Crane went and created a map of The United States of Star Wars (or USSW if you're into the whole brevity thing), with a different planet/location from Star Wars representing each state based on similarities in geography and other factors like the kind of people that live there. For example: Maine is Naboo because it's filled with nothing but annoying @$$holes. Get it? Because that's where JarJar's from. Oh come on -- I'z just kiddin', Maine! (See what I did there?)

There are probably tens of planets that work for each state, I picked either the first one that I came to or the best fit.

Planets were assigned based on partial terrain, landmarks that correlate with the planet and state, types of people in the state and planet, famous landmarks, or slightly randomly selected (but loosely based on facts) from my brother and myself.

Rebecca posted a list of all the states and their corresponding Star Wars planets HERE in case you can't identify them all by picture alone because at some point you decided the whole "virgin for life" thing wasn't for you. Hey, it's not for everybody. Back me up, sister!

The United States of Star Wars [wedgeantilles]
via
Geeky Geography of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Thanks to lucy, Gerald and Erik, who want to live on Endor with the Ewoks. Uh, find me someone who doesn't.

Sep 2 2010 Clever, Veeery Clever: Portal Bookends

This is a pair of bookends made by Portal fan TriangleMen. Me being more into SquircleMen aside, I see what you did there. With the bookends, not your name. So yeah, great job. Now, here's the plan: you draw up some sort of short-sticked licensing deal with Valve, and I'll forge their signature. Well of course it's gonna work, you know how many unauthorized field trips I've been on?!

portal bookends are not lies [technabob]

Thanks to Jake, who just wants to know if traveling through your books Portal style still osmosis-es all the knowledge into your brain like using a textbook for a pillow.

Sep 2 2010 Out Of This World!: Microscoped Insect Eggs

In photo: Julia heliconian butterfly egg, top, zebra longwing butterfly egg, bottom.

In other impressive photographic news, these are insect eggs as photographed using a scanning electron microscope. Ooh ooh -- do the stuff under my fingernails next. I've always wanted to see magnified Cheeto dust and penis cells!

The eggs in this story range in diameter from 0.7 to 2 millimeters.

'The scanning process is actually quite interesting. It is not the same as photography where if you capture an image where all pixels will be captured at the time.

'In scanning you have to capture one pixel at a time.'

The images were made with a scanning electron microscope, which uses beams of electrons to trace the surfaces of objects.

The resulting black-and-white images were then colored to reflect the eggs' natural appearance.

Each image takes about a day to fix into position and then another day to microscope and then about 40 hours to colour.

Impressive work. I used to love looking at things under the microscope in college. And not just weed either, although all those crystals are mesmerizing when you're high. Just sayin', I did petition for an honorary botany doctorate for my thesis, "Holy shit, this weed looks so f***ing crazy under a microscope."

One more of a blue morpho butterfly egg after the jump.

Continue Reading " Out Of This World!: Microscoped Insect Eggs "

Sep 2 2010 Potty Train That Thing!: If Websites Were Pets

Geekologie would be a show dog, I know that. One whose balls drag on the astroturf. I'm talking purebred, with f***ing papers (I only brought it bowling, I didn't rent it shoes, I'm not buying it a f'ing beer, it's not taking your f'ing turn, dude). Also, at least 95% of the other sites should probably be euthanized. *cough* Myspace *cough* Time for you to head to that big top 8 in the sky, Tom. But seriously, what pet would Geekologie be? I mean, besides teacher's. Don't hate! Dogs can't help but brown-nose -- we love the b!

Hit the jump for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " Potty Train That Thing!: If Websites Were Pets "

Sep 2 2010 Magic!: Bullets Slicing Through Water Droplets

Alexander Augusteijn takes pictures of bullets slicing through drops of water because, well, I guess he's already taken pictures of everything else. Seriously, it's bullets through water, then like a mermaid riding a unicorn, then, I dunno, he's gonna have to take up painting or something. Per Max Payne himself:

I am a photographer from the Netherlands, specializing in high speed photography. I use a normal flash to achieve very short illuminations. The most critical parameter in this kind of photography is timing, which is achieved by computer control of shutter, flash, valve, gun or whatever other device is used.

These kind of images require a lot of experimentation, dedication, patience and willingness to endlessly clean spill of liquids and debris from objects shot to pieces. Several hundreds of trial shots may be needed to get timing correct. After that, the process is pretty well controlled, and often half of the shots will be usable, with 1 out of 10 really interesting.

Good lookin', Alexander. I'll be the first to admit I don't have the time or patience for anything like that. I can see it now: "Alright foks, here we go: test shot in three, tw--" *BLAM!* Haha, did I mention I don't have the gun safety either? AMBERLAMPS!

Hit the jump for three more water shots, as well as a link to Alexander's website with a bunch more worthwhile pictures, including some lightbulbs that have been shot but are still lit.

Continue Reading " Magic!: Bullets Slicing Through Water Droplets "

Sep 2 2010 Well Don't You Look Dapper!: Carstaches

Carstaches are the male counterpart to Carlashes: both are ridiculous and will be torn off your car in a matter of days. Hours if you live in a bad part of town. Minutes if you live where I do. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if somebody stabbed the mailman and stole them as he was ringing my doorbell. $40 takes one home in pink, orange or black. Me? I just ordered pink to match my Carlashes!

Carstache & lashes so loud

Truck nuts swangin'
They hopin' that they gon catch me ridin' tranny
Oh my gosh I'm ridin' tranny
Oh my gosh I'm ridin' tranny
Oh my gosh I'm on the sidewalk
Now we're in a building

Urban Outfitter Product Site

Thanks to Joe, who's holding out for an entire beard. Great, now I want mutton chops.

Sep 1 2010 Dammit Darwin, You Let Us Down: Idiot Moron Electrocutes Himself In Science Class, He & His Parents Want To Sue His Teacher, School

Nikola Tesla Jr. here decided it would be a good idea to attach two electrical clamps to his nipples in science class one day and stop his heart. But now he wants to sue his teacher for never informing him APPLYING LIVE ELECTRICAL CURRENT TO YOUR NIPS ISN'T SAFE. But you know what is safe? The chair. Here -- take a seat, dipshit.

[Kyle] Dubois (18) and his parents claim teacher Thomas Kelley did not tell him and other students of the dangers of the demonstration power cords in their electrical trades class.

They are seeking compensation for medical expenses, lost income due to time away from work and other damages related to the incident, which occurred on March 11.

Dubois attached an electrical clamp to one nipple while another student attached another clamp to the other. A third student plugged in the cord.

Dubois was critically injured and his legal team claim he has suffered permanent brain damage.

Listen, I hate to break it to you but Kyle's brain was permanently damaged long before getting his balls shocked off. And to Kyle's parents: you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. If your child hasn't learned ELECTRICITY IS DANGEROUS AND SHOULD NOT BE APPLIED TO TITS by the time they're 18-YEARS OLD, you didn't do your job. If I was the school I'd counter-sue to make his parents build a time machine, go back in time, and never procreate. *banging gavel* This is the word of Judge GW.

U.S. student who electrocuted his nipples sues teacher...for not warning him it was dangerous [dailymail]

Thanks to Rob, who agrees Darwin must have phoned this one in.

Sep 1 2010 FALSE ADVERTISING!: The Will It Blend? Blendtec Blender Can't Even Puree Keys!

This is the aftermath of an attempt to blend a couple house keys in a Blendtec brand blender. Now I know Tom the D-Bag Blend King would have you believe the thing can blend a f***ing tank, but if it can't handle a couple measly keys, I don't know. Sounds like you're about to have a false advertising suit on your hands, Tom! Also, blood. (I glued razor blades under all your car door handles)

You Can Blend A Lot of Things in a Blendtec, But Not Keys [gizmodo]

Thanks to Christina L., who once blended red and yellow and made orange. Didn't see that coming!

Sep 1 2010 OMG -- I'm Immortal: Drinkers Live Longer

According to a recently completed 20-year study, moderate drinkers (1-3 drinks/day) live longer than heavy drinkers (4+ drinks/day), but even the heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. Haha -- I knew it! See you at your own funeral, teetotalers!

But why would abstaining from alcohol lead to a shorter life? It's true that those who abstain from alcohol tend to be from lower socioeconomic classes, since drinking can be expensive. And people of lower socioeconomic status have more life stressors -- job and child-care worries that might not only keep them from the bottle but also cause stress-related illnesses over long periods. (They also don't get the stress-reducing benefits of a drink or two after work.)

But even after controlling for nearly all imaginable variables -- socioeconomic status, level of physical activity, number of close friends, quality of social support and so on -- the researchers (a six-member team led by psychologist Charles Holahan of the University of Texas at Austin) found that over a 20-year period, mortality rates were highest for those who were not current drinkers, regardless of whether they used to be alcoholics, second highest for heavy drinkers and lowest for moderate drinkers.

*glug glug glug glug* To immortality! Now, who wants to see me rope-swing off the balcony over heavy traffic? Haha, what's it look like?! I couldn't actually find any rope, it's 25-lb test fishing line!

Why Do Heavy Drinkers Outlive Nondrinkers? [time]

Thanks to Turbo The Mechanical Ape, Jordan, and whoever else sent me this whose email I couldn't find. I've been drinkning, I'm slorry!

Sep 1 2010 Something's Not Right: Batman Backpack Fail

Listen: I don't care if you ARE a cheap Chinese backpack manufacturer, you should at least be able to recognize Captain America when you see him.

Looks Legit of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Sep 1 2010 Outerspacey!: Video Timeline Of All Known Asteroids In Chronological Order Of Discovery

Note: I know, the screencap looks like an alien's sphincter, hit the jump to watch the video.

This is a video showing the discovery of asteroids from 1980 - 2010. It starts off pretty slow, but by the late 90's/early 00's asteroids start popping up faster than Whac-A-Moles. A result of global warming? You decide. Just don't decide yes or we'll all point and laugh and call you names. Real scathing things too, shit like Galilame-o. You'll try to fight back tears. But, like so many fights before, you will lose. That night, while relating the day's traumatic events at the dinner table, your dad will call you a pussy. And you know what? He'll be right. So yeah, don't decide yes.

Hit the jump for the video (available in HD for full effect).

Continue Reading " Outerspacey!: Video Timeline Of All Known Asteroids In Chronological Order Of Discovery "

Sep 1 2010 Looks Depressing: Swiss Drive-In Sex Booths

Apparently prostitution in Zurich, Switzerland has gotten so out of hand the police have decided to install private drive-in sex booths so the less perverse citizens of the city don't have to witness anybody getting a midday BJ in their Volkswagen. Not even kidding.

The idea itself is adopted from German cities like Essen and Cologne, and will be a way for prostitution to continue on behind closed, uh, doors.

The boxes will serve as quickie drive-throughs, so-to-speak, and will free up city streets from unsightly acts that haunt Zurich residents whose homes overlook the city's red light district. "They get up to all sorts in broad daylight - and we're sick to death of looking at it," one resident told the U.K.'s Metro.

First of all, how're you gonna live in the red light district and complain about it? I thought it meant lots of stoplights, honest! Secondly, you better believe I'm setting up a prosty detailing service in the compound. HJ and a wax, $30!

Switzerland Confidential: Behold the Legal Sex Drive-Thru [time]

Thanks to Miss Bowser, who'd like to note, no, we won't do interiors.

Sep 1 2010 Are You A Prince?: Tiny-Ass 'Micro-Frogs'

Researchers working in Borneo recently discovered a new species of micro-frog that only grows to the size of a pea. Scientists previously thought they were a juvenile version of another species, but those scientists are dumb and ought be ashamed of themselves. Pfft, and you call yourself herpetologists. You probably don't even like turtles!

The tiny amphibians - catchily dubbed Microhyla nepenthicola - measure between 10.6-to-12.8mm long and were found in the Kubah National Park.

While specimens are already held by many museums around the world, they have previously been misidentified as juveniles of other species.

Now scientists say the frogs are a distinct micro-species and the smallest frogs found anywhere in found in Asia, Africa or Europe.

This reminds me -- have you ever heard a girl use the quote, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince"? Because that's pretty whore-y. That said, I did travel to Borneo to see if one of these little buggers would turn out to be my prince. Sadly no, but I did get several stuck between my teeth!

New pea-sized frog species discovered in Borneo [newslite]

Thanks to Kristen P. who made a mistake, kissed a snake, and died with a stomach ache. F***ing tragic.

Sep 1 2010 Today's Shirt Woot: Two Dinosaurs Boxing

In case you don't check shirt.woot everyday, today's shirt features two dinos exchanging blows. Unfortunately, not the erotic kind. The shirt is $10 (including shipping) today only, so act accordingly if you're into it. Me? I just can't condone dino-on-dino violence. Unless it's fighting for a mate, in which case OOH OOH -- PICK ME, PICK ME! *waving dino-bearing buttcheeks seductively*

Shirt.Woot (different shirt tomorrow)

Thanks to Uncle_FUJ, Eric, Darren, Vasssskk, Pakku, Stevie, Melissa, joeproblem and Enormosaurus, who all agree "two dinos exchanging blows" does have a Shakespearean ring to it.

Sep 1 2010 So Poseidon Walks Into A Bar And He Tells The Bartender, "Make This One A Double..."

Hurricanes, like most things with drinks named after them, make me want to start boozing. It's 5:00 somewhere (but only 6:51 AM here) aside, this is a recent satellite image of hurricanes Danielle (top) and Earl (bottom) doing their thing in the Atlantic. Now, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Time to break out the boogie boards! We're gonna get pitted yo, so pitted. Kidding, I'm not going anywhere near the water. And not just because I saw Piranha 3-D, but because the last time I went to the beach I got stung by a jellyfish and like eight strangers peed on me. Seriously, there was a f***ing line.

Hurricane double whammy [badastronomy]

Thanks to Mike, ambrosia and DEATH-ARM, who have all poked hurricanes in the eye before. You badasses!