Aug 19 2010False Prophets, False Prophets!: Geekologie Reader Spots Transformer Church

FIRST!

BEN MACACLLAB IS A COW FIRST NOOBS

thou shalt roll out

More than meets the eyes - Apostle's in disguise!

Lawsuit in 3... 2... 1...

Thos is not approved. Also, Firstard is first.

i thought optimus prime was jewish...

AND THEN JESUS SPOKETH: "AUTOBOTS, ROLLETH OUT. I want Megatron's head by dusk"

NEXT SUNDAY MOVIE SUGGESTION: ZEITGEIST.

Like T3, this post needs 100% more Megan Fox.

I'd go to church if they had transformers..nah j/k, I woudn't go to church for nothin'

Before time began, there was the Cube. We know not where it comes from, only that it holds the power to create worlds and fill them with life. That is how our race was born. For a time, we lived in harmony. But like all great power, some wanted it for good, others for evil. And so began the war. A war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death, and the Cube was lost to the far reaches of space. We scattered across the galaxy, hoping to find it and rebuild our home. Searching every star, every world. And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us to an unknown planet called... Earth.
[the All Spark falls to Earth]
But we were already too late...

they worship robuts here

All hail Godimus Prime.

Behold the Second Gospel According to Sam:
1: And yay did Sam, the human boy, whine and complain tho he had a smokin hot GF and a new camaro that turned into a robot at his whim. Yay his whining was such that the archangel Bumblebee did say utno him "fucketh off nubbins, for I shall stay here in this, thine shitty garage, rather then attend school with you, tho kick ass it be.
2: And lo did Sam go out unto the world, whining and complaining still. And one day Optimus, the metatron of God appeared to him. And Optimus did tell unto Sam "This is your war.. shuteth the fuck up and be likened unto a man so that you may score with a hot chick of whom you are not deserving. Tell me not that you do not care, for Lo! you are but an insect unto me, and squadh you under mine mighty toe I would, if only the producers, who themselves fuck the lowely dogs in the pooper while feasting upon roadkill, would let me.
3: But still was Sam such a pussy that his mom and dad did show up far away in the middle east. And lo! Sam tried to be a man but in the end he simply could only grab his spike and ram it into Optimus Primes hole while he was out cold. This, the teabagging, of the metatron was to be the final straw.
4: But yay did Optimus finaly gain the power of flight. And he said unto the others "Fucketh this. For I am too cool to be with this, the most whining, annoying specimen of earth. Mine hole is stretched, and I swingeth not that way. " And yay did Optimus fly off, leaving the smack tard Sam to cry and complain stopping only to smacketh the shit out of the fallen along the way.
5: And yay in the end, tho there were planes a plenty, they rode forth to home upon a slow ass ship. And yay did Optimus stand also for he had signed his contracts with the movie company to stay with the annoying whiny human. Only the hot chick, thus showing that boobs beat brains did have the mind to GTFO of the movie
6: And yet still does Starscream persist. Having fucked up so many plans of he who was cast out of Heaven, Megatron. Why does he persist? Why does not the Megatron say unto him "Enough! Thou art a douschbag and For this I shall pull thine spine out of thine ass?" This is the mystery of the Transformers.
And so doth end the Gospel of Max.
Say rAMEN and eateth the noodles.

@14 I enjoyed that.

@ 14: You forgot the Immortal, Inspiring 7th Verse:

"Nonononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononoononnonononononononononononononnonononononono!"

wow...

The genius award should go to you! A body and blood doughnut would be perfect for those jerks!

This sentence needs an exclamation point too! And this one needs two!!

protip: that's not Optimus, it's the Autobot symbol

It would have made more sense if they used "'Til all are one" somewhere in there.

THIS IS A SIGN FROM PRIMUS.

QUICKLY, PURIFY YOURSELVES.

Until All Are One.

Ummm....don't they know that Optimus Prime is Jewish(source: Family Guy episode: "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein). Then again, so was Jesus.

The Nostalgia Critic was right! Optimus Prime died for our sins!