May 26 2010You Dummy: Foolish Scientist Implants Chip In Hand, Can Now Contract Computer Viruses

computer-virus-man.jpg

Seen here demonstrating how to properly milk a bull, Dr. Mark Gasson implanted a computer chip in his hand to raise awareness about just how little it takes to call yourself a scientist these days. God, there used to be standards. Gimme that lab coat!

It allows him to open special doors and even keeps his cellphone locked down so only he can use it. What else does it let him do? Well, contract a virus only meant for computers.


So, what could happen? Well, that really depends on how complex an implant is, and how wired it is to your body. A pacemaker could be shut off remotely, for instance, or -- as an example provided by Gasson -- more complex devices that interface directly with the heart or the brain could have serious implications if compromised.

That's, uh, that's f***ing scary. Computer hackers: assassins of the future. But seriously, I'm totally gonna infect your system and make you evacuate your bowels on first dates because I want you to find true love.

Hit the jump for a video of the WHY DO YOU HAVE A DALEK IN YOUR SCIENCE LAB?!

First human 'infected with computer virus' [bbcnews]
via
Brave scientist becomes first person 'infected with computer virus' [dvice]

Thanks to Spartacus, Struvs and Aaron, who both implanted barbecue chips in their hands.

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Reader Comments

lol wat

\m/ ^_^ \m/

3rd bitches, ima be here all day takin the top 3!!!!!!!!!

silly human he obviously needs to upgrade his positronic matrix before he does something like that. *roboflex*

Connecting security access to your body can have dangerous consequences. ie, cutting off your finger to get past your biometric car lock. But if it's for drinks like in clubs of Barcelona, cool.

This guy puts the 'oosh' in douchebag.

@1, 2, 4, 5, 6 your all D-BAG"s

o and skank's., [email protected] yea thats me send the hate

Oh god yes. A WHOLE NEW WAY TO BOTNET!

Here here! I call Conficker V2 :D

dumbass...... take some computer medicine

Well, duh, that's how the robot uprising will start. Plant devices in each of us and then disable us all at once. With a command like "sleep" for example. (STTNG reference FTW!)

My penis keeps getting stiff, does that mean I have an implant?

@9 - Hungover today?

@GW..."I'm totally gonna infect your system and make you evacuate your bowels on first dates"...

Who are you??? Spider Jerusalem???

someone's gonna steal that guys hand pretty soon

@12 not at all... I didn't get trashed yesterday, just buzzed enough to start being a smartass

The cellphone lockdown feature while the phone is not in his hand idea is pretty damn genius.

@16
Until someone cuts off his hand

"16. Ollie Williams - May 26, 2010 11:46 AM

The cellphone lockdown feature while the phone is not in his hand idea is pretty damn genius.
"

You have a pretty low bar for genius. so he can't EVER use any hands-free function of his phone now...no speakerphone, no bluetooth, no car kit. well done...what did that accomplish that a keypad lock didn't?

I'm tired of people talking about this douchebag like he was some sort of visionary inventor. He put a freaking dog ID chip in his hand, my dog doesn't make a big deal out of his, why does this guy?

Basically, this guy has found a way to make a keycard harder to lose. can we get on with life now?

I WANT A DALEK IN MY LABORATORY.

great, now when someone steals my fone, theyre gonna chop my hand off too

brilliant! but the next best thing for him is to do some intense research about The importance of sleep and bath in someones appearance..

Didn't watch the video, but I hope he made the obvious joke:

In the middle of something boring his cyborg hand grabs his throat. Swat at it with other hand while saying "Get it off me!"

Yes Rugrat, I was wondering about the Darlek as well. Probably the source fo the virus LOL>.

lol @7, just annoyed he didn't get first *pats him gently*

Eh he he he,
the dalek is autonomous (robot) that wanders around the university campus freely, just doing daleky things.

We can only assume it was in the room to exterminate the guy and make him stop acting like this hasn't been done before.

@25, actually it used to be an example of autonomous robotics for the tour groups, but now its barely used. They have more impressive robots there now...

I studied cybernetics at Reading, and as usual this "news" is years old. Hacking RFID is old hat...

this is stupid move on this guy is dumb hackers are going to be around all the time giving heart attacks and so on there is no way to stop it no way are we or anyone safe from a virus infecting us if we have a computer or chip or usb or anything implanted in us that can be accessed through the web this is stupid all i got to say is fucking build a time machine that can travel into the future and find out wats going to kill us and fix it right now ppl die and what no one is looking at is this stupid ass war and oil spill that actually the threat the fucking media and the control it has on use is going to kill us not the fucking chip ppl die and we move on to go to war for a country thats going down hill im american and im sadden by wat we are doing and wat we can do to fix it fuck im going to say good bye now for wen i dont have to in the future which is in the next few months or yr keep have a good like i fucking hate that ppl listen and we fight for some thing that isnt happening is the mid east we are fucked and all i got to say is BLAME IT ON THE JEWS YAY god is coming to save us from NOTHING whipee we are DEAD regardless

But what this actually does is unlock his life. The radio tag (called RFID) in his hand is most likely completely unsecured so the moment someone wants to make a copy, they can. Once they do, THEY can use his cell phone and open his doors. Not only that, but he can be tracked anywhere with the chip like a wildebeast. *sigh*

Foolish Scientist Implants Chip In Hand, Can Now Contract Computer Viruses post thanx.

this fool could have the chip copied easy but he could also easily add protection. Plus he could make it react to so many more things. Not only his door but his lights, his tv, his car, shit thats useful plus no one could steal it unless they chopped his hand off, the last time i checked as a robber i don't cut off peoples hands thinking its the key to his car. a lot of you people just exaggerate to much

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