May 5 2010You Could Never Be Real!: Pokémon Reality
NOTE: There's no way you can read that chart without straining your eyes, I don't care matter how many carrots you've eaten and/or pleasured yourself with and put back in the crisper drawer. Click HERE to see the whole thing.
This is a chart explaining the science behind various Pokémon characters, basically claiming that none of the monsters listed could ever exist in reality. WAY TO RUIN THE FUN, JERKS. You might as well have included Santa and the Tooth Fairy and passed the thing out at a kindergarten wearing underwear stuffed with candy. Oh I'm sorry -- did I just ruin your plan? I'm on to you.
The Physical Implausibilities of Pokemon [unrealitymag]
Thanks to lil co., who I'd carry around in a Poké Ball in my pocket any day.
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Reader Comments
1. g - May 5, 2010 10:09 AM
bah.
2. naas - May 5, 2010 10:11 AM
@1 agree... Anyone who wants to read the whole thing & sum it up for us in a few words, please have at it
3. OJ's Mom - May 5, 2010 10:19 AM
Summary: Who the hell cares?
4. Moose - May 5, 2010 10:20 AM
This is stupid. They compare most of this shit to humans...or other animals. It isn't back up by anything other than the fact that no other animal can do it.
5. RazorJack - May 5, 2010 10:24 AM
I choose YOU! Bitch!
6. Slag - May 5, 2010 10:36 AM
My Pokemon brings all the boys to the yard
And their like...."do you wanna trade cards?"
Damn right, i wanna trade cards.
But I won't trade my charizzard....
7. Samir Notgonaworkhereanymore - May 5, 2010 10:42 AM
Pokemon sucks, sorry kids... and the worst part is that the word Pokemon is in the F-ing dictionary, because it won't underline it.. but when I type my name this big gay red line has to show its ugly face, like the cancerous underlining that's eating all of our souls, behold these words as they shall melt like lead upon your mongrel hides!
8. Jay - May 5, 2010 10:42 AM
Um... it called Hitmonchan Hitmonlee later in it's paragraph.
9. Samir Notgonaworkhereanymore - May 5, 2010 10:43 AM
the funny thing here is, I didn't read any previous comments until now, and I see the hate has already been spreading before I got here... thank you @ 1-4
10. Mike Honcho - May 5, 2010 10:44 AM
I spread ma' buttcheeks
11. The Observer - May 5, 2010 10:46 AM
Reason # 10, 712 why scientists are stupid.
12. Yo Sir - May 5, 2010 11:06 AM
that was pretty lame yeah they are just comparing it to humans and other real animals and the crap doesnt even make sense...lame post and lamer poster..(the pokemon chart that is, not GW)..!!!!!!
13. ConanthePokemonTrainer - May 5, 2010 11:30 AM
@ 6 Ha ha....
I like it but Pokemon is not real so why make a chart comparing it to reality and saying that the conclusion would never be possible. No fucken shit.
14. Zmann966 - May 5, 2010 11:35 AM
Except that real life sewer rats have the capability to not only gnaw through concrete, but also steel...
Good job there guys.
15. yames - May 5, 2010 1:08 PM
I had a friend named Lee.... he cast a spell, a spell on me.....
16. DH - May 5, 2010 1:16 PM
@14 are you off your rocker? you think rats can chew through STEEL ??
and i can fart a hole through titanium
steel MESH yes but not A PIECE OF STEEL. they can't even chew through coat hangers DO SOME RESEARCH BOY
17. Dishy - May 5, 2010 1:27 PM
I did some research and found that in real life sewer rats have the capability to not only gnaw through toilet bowls, but also adamantium...
18. melting ice cubes - May 5, 2010 1:50 PM
Whats with all the negativity here? This was done just for shiggles you guys.
And fuck anyone who says Pokemon isn't awesome. If a game where children are thrown out into the wilderness to force wild, super-powered animals to beat the shit out of each other isn't awesome then nothing is.
19. Andrew - May 5, 2010 2:48 PM
I saw a sewer rat chew through a diamond once.
20. JackoMcW - May 5, 2010 2:52 PM
Snorunt- "moisture in the moisture in the lungs..."
21. N - May 5, 2010 4:42 PM
Another inconsistency, correct me if I'm wrong:
Babies cry at the same sound level as a jet plane. Snorunt would be able to do it too.
22. N - May 5, 2010 4:44 PM
That' Wismur, By the way. Not Snorunt.
23. Kay Fabian - May 5, 2010 5:02 PM
And we didn't know how bees could fly until recently. Are you saying a few years ago, bees could never exist?
24. cipher - May 5, 2010 5:18 PM
#293 is stupid, the Sperm Whale can make up to 180db, louder than a jet plane (140db), why couldn't this Pokemanz?
25. Raticate - May 5, 2010 6:01 PM
Rats can chew thru concrete. It's well documented by pest exterminators. Just sayin'.
26. Jay - May 5, 2010 6:41 PM
Yeah this guy totally missed the point - its called fiction, well fricken done for proving that it is indeed fictitious.
27. uglybuckling - May 5, 2010 7:28 PM
A wild reality appears!
Pikachu tries call lightning!
It isn't very effective.
Reality tries Science!
It is very effective.
Pikachu is defeated.
28. seek890 - May 5, 2010 11:52 PM
pokemon are not real!?!?! when did this happen?!
29. qwerty - May 6, 2010 2:48 AM
tldr pokemon are really hax
30. Almighty Sheep Wielder - May 6, 2010 8:43 AM
@6 The funniest thing ive heard in awhile :3
31. Braden - May 6, 2010 10:03 AM
This totally ruined pokemon for me :I
32. Shen - May 6, 2010 9:44 PM
why the hell is everyone BAAAAAAWWing? this shit is hillarious! especially Magcargo's temperature. No shit its fiction, its still funny to read anyway.
33. peteerrr - May 8, 2010 2:56 AM
Ants and Bees?
34. Louie - August 26, 2010 5:21 PM
Some of these are in accurate aguments. like the Azumarril one. it says that a whale can hold it's breath for two hours. so? a rat can swim for three days.