Mar 31 2010 It's The American Way: Cooking Bacon With A Machine Gun

Bacon and machine guns: these are the pillars on which the great US of A were built upon Trust me, I got a B in college history without even blowjaying the professor (GTA's don't count). And finally, somebody has combined America's love of firearms and fatty pork INTO A WAY TO COOK BACON.

I've discovered a new way of cooking bacon. All you need is: bacon, tin foil, some string, and.. oh whats it called?... oh yeah, an old worn out 7.62mm machinegun that is about to be discarded, and about 200 rounds of ammunition.

*sniff* It's enough to bring a tear to my eye. Like a bald eagle shat in my face, but even more patriotic.

Hit the jump for pictures of the whole process.

Continue Reading " It's The American Way: Cooking Bacon With A Machine Gun "

Mar 31 2010 White Strawberries That Taste Like Pineapple

Pineberries look like albino strawberries and taste like pineapples. WTF IS UP WITH THAT, MOTHER NATURE? Bitch you crazy as hell!

Grown in glasshouses, pineberries start off green, gradually turning paler as they ripen.

When the fruit is sweet and juicy enough to eat, the flesh is almost totally white but studded with red seeds - the reverse of the usual variety.

Discovered wild in South America and rescued from extinction by Dutch farmers...they are smaller than most commercially grown strawberries, measuring between 15 and 23mm across - slightly less than an inch.

The pineberry is said to combine the shape and texture of a strawberry with a flavour and smell closer to that of a pineapple.

I want some. I just had part of a cherimoya with lunch, but I could still use some of these berries. After all, variety IS the spice of life. Or is it cumin? *swish*

Pineberries and cream? The new summer fruit which looks like a white strawberry... but tastes like a pineapple [dailymail]

Thanks to Dante, who was the first to successfully grow strawapples but a plague of locusts wiped them out. Just like in the Bible.

Mar 31 2010 But How Do I Get To The Beer?: KegStools

KegStools are $100 conversion kits that turn a keg (that you supply) into a barstool. At first I thought that by repeatedly sitting and standing you were pumping the keg, but the kit actually renders the keg untappable, making it the saddest thing I've ever seen. I don't want to sit on a keg, I want to drink on it. Which, KEG STANDS! Hope you're strong, I'm aiming to beat my old record of 27 minutes. That's right, minutes. Aaaaand lift.

Product Site
via
The KegStool: a bar stool made from a keg! [crunchgear]

Mar 31 2010 The pCubee: An Interactive 3-D Box Display

NOTE: Video is after the jump.

The pCubee isn't just poorly named, it's a "perspective-corrected handheld cubic display". Well look at you and your fancy terminology! I'm a devilishly dapper purveyor of fine interwebs. WELL I AM!

The pCubee is a cube that fits right in your hand and features five flat-panel LCD screens. The screens all work together, displaying the same image but from different angles; when you turn the cube, the displays appear to show you items "inside" the cube that you're interacting with. The perspective and real-time physics appear to be spot-on in the demonstration video.

Neat, I can't wait to see the practical applications. Like, uh, well like porno for example. Plus other things. No, just porn really.

Hit it for the video.

Continue Reading " The pCubee: An Interactive 3-D Box Display "

Mar 31 2010 For The Love Of God, Shower: Geek Soap

Soap, as you may well know, is an integral part of cleaning yourself unless you're European. And what better way to keep your gooch minty fresh than a giant D-20 soap on a rope? Plus no more prison shower sex! Kidding, kidding, still plenty of prison shower sex. Anyway, Etsy seller The Pink Toque has a series of geeky soaps affectionately trademarked GEEKSOAP. And it's not all dice either, hit the jump for some Star Trek, binary, Cthulhu, and other geeky soap action. Now, who wants to scrub my back? Oh yeah, lower. Lower. Lower. What? Don't act like you've never touched a dingleberry before.

Hit the jump for more and another link to the Etsy store.

Continue Reading " For The Love Of God, Shower: Geek Soap "

Mar 31 2010 Black Magic!: Internet Explorer Voodoo Doll

This is a little Internet Explorer voodoo doll somebody made in an attempt to kill off the interweb browser. Neat idea, but I don't know why you wouldn't just stab the program directly. Which is exactly why I'm gonna sneak up on my laptop while it's in sleep mode tonight and shank that bitch.

Later that evening:

HI-YA! *STAB STAB STAB*

*flips lightswitch* OH GOD! OH GOD NO! FIREFOX WHAT HAVE I DONE?! *puking*

Voodoo Doll to Kill Internet Explorer [walyou]

Mar 31 2010 Chock Full Of Win: A LEGO Yosemite Sam

LEGOlier Annie Diment went and made a badass Yosemite Sam entirely out of LEGO bricks. Good lookin', Annie...get your gun. Sorry I have no self control. Like, none. I ate 10 Fruit Roll Ups for breakfast this morning. I'm not even kidding. Shittin' rainbows later.

Hit the jump for two more close ups and another link to Annie's Flickr gallery with even more.

Continue Reading " Chock Full Of Win: A LEGO Yosemite Sam "

Mar 31 2010 But I Rode A Short One: Pokémon School Bus

This is a shot of a Pokémon school bus spotted in Japan. The idea is that by being Pokémon themed kids will want to jump on and go to school. And apparently it works. Me? I used to dive out a window when we passed the liquor store.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the party bus.

Continue Reading " But I Rode A Short One: Pokémon School Bus "

Mar 31 2010 Chart Of Various Sci-Fi Franchise Geeks

This is a little chart comparing the followers of various Sci-Fi franchises. But this is only a part of it because the chart also includes Firefly, Avatar and LOST fans, so click THIS BADASS PINK TEXT to see the whole thing. Well? Ever been spanked with a plastic lightsaber before? Because I haven't -- that shit was real. F***ed my buttcheeks all up.

Sci-Fi Superfan Reference Manual [Mad Atoms]

Thanks to cocoa, who may or may not have stuck a C-3PO action figure in my keester when I was sleeping (she didn't, I was only pretending to be assleep).

Mar 31 2010 Pedophile Feeds Baby Chick To Snake When Girls Won't Show Their Yams On Chatroulette

WARNING: Animated gif after the jump is a little graphic due to baby chicken being eaten by a snake.

This is a screencap from a Chatroulette session in which some guy feeds a baby chick to a snake after two 13-year olds won't show him their boobs. And that, my friends, is what we call one creepy-ass f***ed up pedo. Now, I'm not one to pass judgment, but I am one to cast the first stone. *CRUSH!* You know, or drop a boulder from a helicopter.

Hit it for the animation, but the chick does get chomped in the end.

Continue Reading " Pedophile Feeds Baby Chick To Snake When Girls Won't Show Their Yams On Chatroulette "

Mar 30 2010 But I Like It Sour: Fancy Jug Detects Bad Milk

The Cravendale (personally, I'm Cravenchip) milk jug can detect sour milk and, provided it's not April Fool's, tell you so. Oh yeah? Ain't no jug's stupid opinion gettin' between me and my Count Chocula! You think I won't remove your batteries? I'll do it.

The technology used in the jug was discovered by the company's R&D team while researching the bacteria that actually turns milk sour, and is essentially a unique PH sensor that's built into its base. When sour milk is detected, a small LCD display on the outside of the jug changes from 'Fresh' to 'Sour'

I mean, really? What's next, a bottle that tells me when my beer is cold? This is ridiculous. There's a perfectly safe and simple method to determine if your milk has spoiled: watch your roommate eat breakfast. Oh -- oh yeah, he's puking. Beer it is.

Cravendale Milk Jug Detects Sour Milk [ohgizmo]

Thanks to cookiemonster, who doesn't give a dang if the milk's spoiled, he needs something to dunk dem cookies in!

Mar 30 2010 Only Slaves Are Buried In Tacos: Ancient Roman Gladiator Buried In Lead "Burrito"

What you're looking at is the grave an ancient Roman gladiator. Now I know it may look like he was buried in the world's crappiest paper airplane, but it's actually a lead sarcophagus. And not the kind that makes your pee smell funny. That's asparagus. And Honey Smacks.

Found in a cement-capped pit in the ancient metropolis of Gabii, the coffin is unusual because it's made of lead--only a few hundred such Roman burials are known.

Even odder, the 800 pounds (362 kilograms) of lead fold over the corpse like a burrito, said Roman archaeologist Jeffrey Becker. Most lead sarcophagi look like "old-fashioned cracker boxes," molded into a rectangular shape with a lid, he said.

Hmm, maybe it's not a gladiator after all and is actually the beloved proprietor of a Roman Taco Truck. I'd believe that. Of course, I'd also believe it if you told me you were an alien that's come to earth to photograph human genitalia. Kidding, I'm not that stupid. But I'd still show it to you. What? I'm an exhibitionist!

Lead "Burrito" Sarcophagus Found Near Rome [nationalgeographic]

Thanks to Melissa, who agrees it's gonna have to be Mexican for dinner tonight.

Mar 30 2010 Key Kids -- Free Candy Wine: Hello Kitty Wine

Because boozing plays an important role in every child's cognitive development, there's now a line of Hello Kitty wines. Gotta catch 'em all! SHUT UP I KNOW MY FRANCHISES. The varietals:

• Hello Kitty Sparkling Brut Rosé - A deep reddish pink sparkling rose made from 100% Pinot Noir that has a frothy mousse as well as a pretty nose of rose petal and red currant scents.
• Hello Kitty Sparkling "Sweet Pink" (Half Size) - This semi-sweet sparkler sports a pale pink hue and has very delicate bubbles.
• 2008 Hello Kitty Angel White - This is a fresh, very "blanc" white wine made entirely from Pinot Noir free run juice.
• 2006 Hello Kitty Devil Red - Garnet red with brickish highlights, this is a classically rendered Pinot Noir that presents a seductive bouquet of wild flowers and forest aromas.

Mmmm, I do love me some pinot noir. Bottles run between $20 and $30 and might actually be worth trying. Unfortunately, I already have a supplier of kitty wine. Isn't that right, Tumbles? *squeezing cat* Oh -- HELLO -- looks like there might be some solids in your glass.

Product Site
via
Hello Kitty Wine: Cat People and Alcoholics Rejoice! [laweekly]

Thanks to Maria, who's holding out for Barbie wine. Nice Maria, but I've had Ken's cream before and it wasn't worth the wait.

Mar 30 2010 CANNOT BE UNSEEN: Patrick From Spongebob Squarepants In Real Life

This is what Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants would look like in real life: scary as f***. No wonder the best friend he could score is an overalls clad sponge. I mean, that's a face a mother can't even love. And I don't hold it against her.

Patrick From Spongebob Squarepants IRL [iambored]

Thanks to DrRo, who would still make out with a real-life Sandy Cheeks. That's gross bro, she's a squirrel.

Mar 30 2010 Another Day, Another Parody: 'Galactic Empire State Of Mind' Music Video

Remember 'New Dork - Entrepreneur State of Mind', the parody of Jay Z's 'Empire State of Mind'? You all said you hated it. Well here's another rip of the song by College Humor, this time with a Star Wars twist. Maybe you'll actually like this one. Or maybe, just maybe, you've resigned yourself to hating everything and living a grumpy, fruitless existence. Don't worry -- I'm right here with you, jerk. God I just wanna punch you so bad.

Hit the jump for the worthwhile song and video.

Continue Reading " Another Day, Another Parody: 'Galactic Empire State Of Mind' Music Video "

Mar 30 2010 Barack Obama Looking At Awesome Things

This is a little gallery created by Photoshopper Dean Trippe of President Barack Obama looking at awesome things. You know, because when you're president you get to see all the cool top secret stuff they keep hidden from us laypeople. Like aliens and sex toys from the future. I posted a couple of my favorites after the jump, but it's worth going to Dean's website to see them all because there's some sweet TARDIS, Batman, Halo, Superman, Transformers and Star Wars action to be seen. But not unseen. You're gonna have to live with it! Also, a broken leg.
....
*THWACK*

Hit it for the rest and another link to Dean's website.

Continue Reading " Barack Obama Looking At Awesome Things "

Mar 30 2010 Jesus Ought To Be Furious: Robosaurus Returns To Australia For Royal Easter Show

One of the first things people always want to know about me is how I feel about robotic dinosaurs, like would I still bang one. And the answer is simple, but tied to another question: have I been drinking?

A giant fire-breathing robotic dinosaur that eats cars has returned to Australia for this year's Royal Easter Show.

The monestrous Robosaurus, which stands four stories high, has steel jaws and a fire breathing nose, hasn't been down under for 10 years.

Robosaurus is twice as high and three times as heavy as its prehistoric counterpart, the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Well I guess that's one way to celebrate Easter. One BAD way. You might as well gather the show-goers together and burn em all with a flamethrower. Or at least mill about the crowd cropdusting.

Robosaurus returns for the Easter show [brisbanetimes]

Thanks to Nam Som, who would take a wrench to Robosaurus and probably die trying to loosen the first bolt. You know what you need? Ninja lessons.

Mar 30 2010 The Geek/Nerd/Dork/Dweeb Venn Diagram

And that, my friends, is exactly why I'm a geek. Now I don't know about you, but I am NOT socially inept. As a matter of fact, one time I even talked to a stranger at a bar. Wrong number. I'm suave!

FINALLY: The Difference between Nerd, Dork, and Geek Explained by a Venn Diagram [greatwhitesnark]

Thanks to dandroid, who is 100% geek and proud. Geek pride, GEEK PRIDE!

Mar 30 2010 YOW YOW: SEXY LINK COSPLAY ACTION!

Now that's just plain hot. No, EXTRA hot -- just how I like my curry. Plus virgin blood. What? I'M A WIZARD YO, I DO THAT!

True-To-Life Zelda Costume [iambored]

Thanks to GuamOtoko, who made an 8-bit Octorok costume but everybody thought he was just a really crappy octopus.

Mar 30 2010 Pac-Man Is Eating One Of Saturn's Moons!

These are two pictures of Saturn's moon Mimas (the one that looks like the Death Star): one's a regular photograph, the other a thermal map. Uh-oh Saturn -- uh-oh -- OM NOM NOM NOM!

"We suspect the temperatures are revealing differences in texture on the surface," said John Spencer, a Cassini composite infrared spectrometer team member based at Southwest Research Institute in Boulder, Colo. "It's maybe something like the difference between old, dense snow and freshly fallen powder."

Even if surface texture variations are to blame, scientists are still trying to figure out why there are such sharp boundaries between the regions, Spencer said. It is possible that the impact that created Herschel Crater melted surface ice and spread water across the moon. That liquid may have flash-frozen into a hard surface.

I'm gonna go ahead and go out on a limb and say Space Invaders had something to do with this. No? Okay how about Donkey Kong? I'M NOT GRASPING FOR STRAWS YOU'RE GRASPING FOR STRAWS. Or is that your peener? *swish*

'Pac-Man' in Space: 1980s Video Game Icon Glows on Saturn's Moon Mimas [sciencedaily]

Thanks to drew, Joe = Best Pag, Alex, Liam, Nam Som, Tim, Nick, Tony, Culley, john, PeteN, Curtis, Andy, Colin, Peter, The boy with the big face, Richie Rich, Guillaume and Gregatron, who are all convinced the Mooninites put Pac up to it.

Mar 29 2010 Simple 'Mario Collecting A Coin' Machine

This is a little video of a machine that makes Mario repeatedly punch a block and get a coin. It was made out of LEGO Mindstorm sets and Perler beads. At least I think it was. It could be made out of magic and donkey dicks for all I know.

Hit the jump for the machine in action.

Continue Reading " Simple 'Mario Collecting A Coin' Machine "

Mar 29 2010 Different Strokes Sauces For Different Folks: A Soysaurus Tattoo

First of all, he needs arms and less chicken-y legs. Secondly, why the hell isn't he attacking a sushi roll? Lastly, my Srirachasaurus Rex tat would make your Soysaurus its little bitch. And not in a good way either. In a prison way.

RAWR! SOYSAURUS! [loltatz]

Thanks to Lerone, who was gonna get a BBQsaurus on his calf but knew he'd be too temped to bite himself if he got drunk and hungry.

Mar 29 2010 Garage Elevator Allows You To Switch Out Your Lamborghinis In The Living Room

Can't decide which one of your Lamborghinis you want to display in the living room? Well fear not, because now you can get an elevator installed that connects your garage and living room, so you can display whichever one you want! You're richer than God!

This Tokyo (naturally) home was gamely designed by Takuya Tsuchida, who received the instruction above from a client with very particular taste.

Listen, I've got very particular taste too, but you don't see me telling an architect to install a slippy slide down the stairs, now do you? OF COURSE YOU DO I'M F***ING CLASSY.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the extravagance.

Continue Reading " Garage Elevator Allows You To Switch Out Your Lamborghinis In The Living Room "

Mar 29 2010 iPhone Songstress Adds Another Phone, Performs Lady GaGa's 'Poker Face'

Applegirl002, best known for yesterday's rendition of 'Irreplaceable' is back at it, this time with an additional phone (for autotuning), performing Lady GaGa's 'Poker Face'. Wait -- what'd you say? You'd poker face? How clever of you. Well I'd craps roulette her face, so there.

Youtube

Thanks to Jiacong, who made this song his ringtone and feels like a million bucks every time somebody calls.

Continue Reading " iPhone Songstress Adds Another Phone, Performs Lady GaGa's 'Poker Face' "

Mar 29 2010 But Can You Huff It?: Edible Gold Spray Paint

Huffing spray paint, as you might very well know, makes my brain all smiley and work more good. And now it comes in edible form! In both gold AND silver -- one color for each nostril! Now, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Selling golden boogies on eBay! Jesus, no, that was not what I was thinking. YES IT WAS GOD YOU KNOW ME ALL TOO WELL.

Give your cooking the Midas touch with edible gold paint [dvice]

Mar 29 2010 Parts!: A Peak Inside The Nintendo DSi XL

Ever wonder what an exploded Nintendo DSi XL would look like? Me neither. But here it is anyway, so you might as well take a look so you have something to talk about during your lunch break. Me? I'm gonna stand by the soda machine and brag about my penis. The usual.

Video of the ripping-apart after the jump.

Continue Reading " Parts!: A Peak Inside The Nintendo DSi XL "

Mar 29 2010 I'll Break That Finger Off: Cursor Coat Hanger

If you're anything like me you don't wear a coat because coats are a sign of weakness and robots pray on the weak. But I do like this $20 cursor hand coat hanger, so maybe I could find something to hang on it. Like, oh I dunno, THE BLOODIED SCALPS OF MY ENEMIES! You know, or a scarf.

Product Site
via
8-Bit Pointing Finger Cursor No Longer Just For Computer Use [uberreview]

Thanks to keith, who, DON'T YOU POINT THAT THING AT ME!

Mar 29 2010 Good Job, Kids: A Children's Choir Singing 'Still Alive' (The Portal Ending Credits Song)

NOTE: Video is one of the most poorly shot pieces of crap I've ever seen so feel free to just listen.

This is the Gifford Children's Choir of Racine, Wisconsin singing Jonathan Coulton's, 'Still Alive', affectionately known as the closing credits song from Portal. Of course, you probably wouldn't know that because you never beat the game. All that talk of cake sent you running wheezing to the bakery, didn't it? Go on, you can tell your Uncle GW, I can keep a secret. But can you? Aaaaand I'm creeping myself out again.

Hit it for the entirely suitable for work video.

Continue Reading " Good Job, Kids: A Children's Choir Singing 'Still Alive' (The Portal Ending Credits Song) "

Mar 29 2010 YES PLEASE!: Dinosaur Easter Eggs

Well folks, with Easter right around the corner what better way to celebrate than candy-filled dinosaur eggs? I can't think of any. Unless puking on the Easter Bunny at the mall counts which, let's be honest, I did last year.

Description:

• 16 eggs
• eggs in dinosaur heads
• 16 candy filled eggs to hide, find and pair up
• candy from 2009

Mmmm, "candy from 2009". I love me some vintage candy. So what do you say -- ready to hunt for some eggs? Okay good. Ready...set...GO!
....
....
Couldn't find any could you? That's because I hid them all inside me. I'm talking about my butt yo! I win (somebody take me to the doctor).

eBay Auction

Thanks to Tiffany, who didn't realize the egg isn't actually edible until her third one.

Mar 29 2010 Oil And Antifreeze: New 'Iron Man' Cologne

Diesel, looking for a way to cash in on the upcoming Iron Man sequel, decided cologne was the way to go. It wasn't, Diesel (aluminum foil pants). Also, why's the bottle shaped like Iron Man trying to squeeze the life out of his wiener?

Diesel's hoping you'll splash a little of this beneath your breastplate before donning your armor (or climbing into your office cubicle, whatever the case may be) in celebration of "the season's most daring, fearless, courageous hero."

And, with any luck, the scent (which remains unchanged), with its "top notes of lemon blossom, mandarin and coriander leaves, a heart of labdanum, black rose and lavender, and a dry down of amber, tolu wood and ebony wood" will find olfactory favor with Pepper Potts over in accounting.

Holy shit, Iron Man smells like a woman. Not even a hint of motor oil or missile residue? You outta be ashamed, Iron Man. And not just because I have a video of you trying to procreate with a vending machine, but I do and I'm not above blackmailing. Or panhandling. QUARTERS OR I'LL CUT YOU.

Diesel wants you to smell like 'Iron Man 2' [latimes]

Thanks to Darwin Police, who should have busted me years ago.

Mar 28 2010 Girl Plays 'Irreplaceable' On Three iPhones, PLUS BONUS SINGING!

This is a surprisingly worthwhile video of a chick playing Beyonce's 'Irreplaceable' by using different apps on three different iPhones. The first 1:30 is her setting the phones up to play the song, but she actually starts singing after that. And it's impressive. Not as impressive as the fact that I drank 22 mimosas with brunch this morning and still decided to write tonight, but we can't all be superhoes. SUPERHEROES. I meant superheroes. Kidding, I'm skanky.

Hit it for the video.

Continue Reading " Girl Plays 'Irreplaceable' On Three iPhones, PLUS BONUS SINGING! "

Mar 28 2010 If Internet Browsers Were Modes Of Transport

From College Humor: I dunno, I always imagined my interwebs browser as a saddled velociraptor. Wearing a jetpack. With special porn goggles on.

Browsers and Transportation [buzzfeed]

Mar 27 2010 Paying Girls To Play Video Games With You

Want to play video games with a girl but don't know any in real life? Well you're in luck, thanks to a new online service called GameCrush. For a minimum wage-y $6.60 you can play 10 minutes of XBox Live with a scantily clad strumpet via webcam. Fun! Pathetic.

Girls somehow interested in this should know there's money to be made, with 60% of the proceeds from a match going to the "PlayDate", who at the conclusion of a game can be rated by the user on her "hotness, gaming skill, and flirtiness".

GameCrush is restricted to those 18 years old and over, and players can select one of two kinds of match/date. I'll let the site's FAQ explain. "We have created two broad categories, "Flirty" and "Dirty" to help the PlayDate define and match her mood of gaming interaction and experience with those of the players. You can choose either option or both depending on how you feel!"

Wow, that's so shameful I don't even know what to say. Mind if I borrow $7?

Hit the jump for some of the actual ladies you can game with (slightly NSFW)

Continue Reading " Paying Girls To Play Video Games With You "

Mar 27 2010 The Man With The Gun: A Tribute To FPS'ers

This is a music slash video tribute to 'The Man With The Gun', arguably the most influential character in video games. It was created by PRESS PLAY ON TAPE and features a shit-ton of gaming references. Me? I feature striking good looks and a personality that would make Myers and Briggs both shit themselves.

Games, movies and shows referenced (directly) include: Gunfight, Berzerk, Green Beret, Operation Wolf, Rolling Thunder, Shinobi, Commando, The Invention of Lying, Kabluey, Hitman (the movie), True Blood, Zombie Land, Halo, Halo 3, Army of Two, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, Counter Strike, Counter Strike: Source, The Gamer, The Matrix Reloaded, Sherlock Holmes, Ghosts'n'Goblins, Mr. Do, Super Mario, Arkanoid, Elite, Speed Ball 2, Dragon's Lair, Duke Nukem, Quake 3 (ish), Dig Dug, Spore, The Secret of Monkey Island, Pac Man, Donkey Kong Junior, Gunship, Portal, Guitar Hero, Sing Star, Bejewelled, Solitaire, Day of the Tentacle, Max Payne, Max Payne 2, Half Life, Half Life 2, Tomb Raider, Hitman: Blood Money, Total Overdose: A gun slingers tale in Mexico, Kane & Lynch: Dead Men, Watchmen: The End is Nigh, Freedom Fighters, Limbo, Team Fortress 2, Terminator Salvation (the game), Space Invaders, Populus, World of Warcraft, God of War III, Lost Planet, Far Cry, Time Splitters, Stranglehold, Unreal Tournament (ish), Duke Nukem Forever, Star Wars: Battlefront, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Red Dead Revolver, Call of Juarez, Serious Sam, Hitman: Contracts, Crysis: Warhead, Crysis, Aliens vs Predator (the new game), Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow, Splinter Cell: Conviction, Fallout 3, Killzone 2, Rambo: First Blood, Star Wars - Episode IV: A new hope, Ghost Busters, Borderlands.

Well, what'd you think? I think whatever you think because, just like they say -- great minds think alike. Haha, why are you licking the carpet? Okay now I think the opposite of whatever you think.

Youtube

Thanks to Opiboble, who

Mar 27 2010 Needs More Fillings: Robotic Dentistry Patient

Hanako is a Japanese robot patient used to train aspiring dentists. I don't know about you, but if I was operating on that thing I would drill every single one of its teeth out sans drugs. Then crowbar it in the face and call its mother Robocop.

Hanako will respond when greeted and asked several questions, and will react to the dental student working on its mouth. She can open and close her mouth when ordered, perform random actions such as a sneeze and even discharge saliva. Touch sensors in her mouth will have her wincing in pain if a press is too hard or an instrument goes somewhere it shouldn't, or gag violently if things go south.

"....if things go south"?!? I'm not putting my wiener anywhere near that thing!

Hit the jump for a video of Hanako in action.

Continue Reading " Needs More Fillings: Robotic Dentistry Patient "

Mar 27 2010 Suck It, Segway, I Hate Standing: There's A New Self Balancing Rideable Thing In Town

The Taurus is a conceptual self-balancing vehicle designed by Erik Lanuza. It's basically a Segway with a seat that makes it loosely look like you're riding a bull/motorcycle. But not enough to be cool. Don't be fooled, children will still throw rocks at you. And I'm gonna join them. But from across the street because I'm not a pederast.

Taurus Concept Starts With The Segway And Adds Cool [ohgizmo]

Mar 26 2010 Computer Modeling: Is This Jesus' Face?

This a computer model of Jesus' face using information from the blood on the Shroud of Turin to create the image. He looks like somebody I know.

The image has been created for the History Channel's upcoming special, "The Real Face of Jesus," which is set to air next week.

Ray Downing, president of Studio Macbeth, explains how they recreated the "real" face of Jesus to the NY Post:

"We 'lifted' the blood and isolated it [on the computer]," he said, 'so that would sit 'in air' [on a transparent background]."

Interesting, Ray, but I've seen the "real" face of Jesus, and it didn't require any technical computer mumbo-jumbo. No, it came to me in Flamin' Hot Cheeto form and I ate the whole bag except for his face without getting diarrhea. It was a miracle.

The "Real Face of Jesus" (PHOTO) Revealed?! [postchronicle]

Thanks to Pete, who once saw the face of God in a cloud before getting struck by lighting. Geez, you can't look directly at him, Pete! Don't you remember the Nazis in 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'?

Mar 26 2010 Stereotyping: A Field Guide To Fanboys

This is a field guide to fanboys as compiled by PC World. Of course, you probably can't read it because it's so small and you can't afford nano-vision surgery so CLICK HERE to see the thing in all its boxy glory. And, as much as I hate to stereotype, this thing is spot-on.

Our Guide concerns itself mainly with members of the techie genus of the fanboy family--the hardcore fans of Apple, PC, Linux, Blackberry, Android, Xbox, PS3, and Dungeons and Dragons (D&D).

For each one we give you 14 key attributes, such as what sort of clothing they wear, what they drink, what they drive, what turns them on, and what enrages them. We give you just enough to differentiate between species quickly and accurately.

Interesting, but what Geekologie fanboys -- what defines you guys? Is it your devilish good looks, or your way with women? Neither? Pimples and a huge right forearm? Gotdamnit.

Fanboys: A Field Guide [pcworld]

Thanks to Johannes, who can't be pigeonholed into any stereotype, but can be stuffed inside a barrel and pushed over a waterfall.

Mar 26 2010 Protecting Our Right To Deliciousness: Meat-Armored Riot Police

I can't tell where the bacon ends and the pasty naked guy begins. Not that I'm worried. You think I won't eat your shield? I WILL EAT THAT SHIELD. Just try to pepper spray me, I dare you. That shit's like a condiment to me.

Picture Posted to Geekologie's Facebook

Thanks to Quentin, who tried to join the salami police but wasn't accepted because he didn't meat the physical fitness requirements. See what I did there? God I'm good.

Mar 26 2010 Great Time Waster: Guess That Video Game

'The Challenging Stage' is a little online puzzle in which you scroll around a map and guess the video games represented by visual clues. For example, that's 'Double Dragon' there in the picture. Can you guess all 56? I couldn't. Granted I stopped at 7 to toast a bagel and mix another margarita and then lost interest, but that's only because I realized I drunkenly downloaded Peggle on my PS3 last night. Have fun entertaining yourselves, suckers! Kidding, KIDDING -- I'm your slave. Your love slave. Psyche! I couldn't live with myself if I found out I was the reason you left your hand.

The Challenging Stage (actual game)
via
The Challenging Stage [jayisgames]

Thanks to Rico, arguably the suavest tipster to ever exist.

Mar 26 2010 WANT: Surprised Kitty Is Surprised, Precious

From now on I'm gonna start posting videos after the jump to minimize scriptage on the front page so that those of you rocking dial up modems can still read Geekologie from your caves while you're busy mailing homemade bombs. So, yeah, this is video of a super-surprised looking kitty. Which, HOW PRECIOUS IS HE?! I just wanna eat him up like Cruella wanted to eat all those puppies!

Hit the jump for the video.

Continue Reading " WANT: Surprised Kitty Is Surprised, Precious "

Mar 26 2010 How Can I Read If All My Books Have Giant Holes In The Middle?: Lightsaber Bookends

Been searching for the perfect Star Wars themed bookends? Who hasn't, amirite? Well pray yourself to sleep no more, my friends, because here comes the bride!

Here's an exclusive everyone is excited about -- a set of illuminated bookends that sports Darth Vader's lightsaber piercing through your prized set of Star Wars novels, comics, or DVDs! Bookends appear with "molten" holes where the blade is attached. Battery power eliminates the need for cords. Batteries not included.

$50 takes a set home. Alternatively, a quality set of faux boobs could run you up to $10K. Which, geez, I'm fine with just rubbing face on a lightsaber. *zip* NO NOT YOURS.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the pshfwwwuuuummmmm (that's the sound a lightsaber makes).

Continue Reading " How Can I Read If All My Books Have Giant Holes In The Middle?: Lightsaber Bookends "

Mar 26 2010 Learnin' Thangs: Video Game Poll Results

Kotaku (a video game blog) recently polled its readers and came up with this informational graphic summarizing over 20,000 gamers' tendencies. Although I question how valid it is since there's no mention of teabagging and name-calling or how often I have to mute all the 12-and-unders playing Call of Duty. Shit, when I was your age we did homework. Plus things outside. I'm talking flashlight tag bitches, what?!

Kotaku Census 2010: The Results [kotaku]

Thanks to Zeke, who once played video games 48 hours straight for charity. Charity my ass, Zeke, you're addicted!

Mar 26 2010 Geeky Beach Fashion: A PSP Bikini Bottom

Sure it doesn't cover the front, but when God invented bikinis they didn't have fronts. Or tops. Just sayin' ladies -- be good Christians.

Nerdgasm: The PSP... you're playing it wrong. [albotas]

Mar 26 2010 You Sick, Sick Girl : 'My Life Is Twilight' Fail

No, your life is not Twilight, your life is f***ed up and I'm calling the animal police.

My Life Is Twilight

Thanks to vreaker, who got hit by a guy on a moped trying to cross the street to buy beer. YLIG.

Mar 26 2010 Hello Guts: A Look At Hello Kitty's Anatomy

This is glimpse into Hello Kitty's anatomy as imagined by artist Jason Freeny, best known for his other anatomical renderings. I thought perhaps the most interesting part of this piece is the fact that Hello has a skull but no brain and teeth but no mouth. WTF!? She's like one of those blind salamanders that lives its whole life in a dark cave. What are those called? Computer nerds. Yes, them.

Jason Freeny's Website

Thanks to liquid Tension, who I'll take over awkward Tension any day.

Mar 25 2010 Airport Worker Uses 3-D Body Scanner To Sneak A Peak At Female Coworker's Body

Some guy working security at Heathrow Airport in London caught a female employee accidentally walking through a body scanner and seized the opportunity to look at her privates or whatever the hell it is you see with one of those newfangled soul-stealers.

Now whether this fellow intentionally misused the equipment for his own perverse kicks or whether he accidentally took a scan out of habit, the young lady was left very shaken:

"I can't bear to think about the body scanner thing. I'm totally traumatised. I've spoken to the police about it. I'm in too much of a state to go to work."

First of all, this guy should have to post pictures of his face and privates on every lamppost in London. Secondly, I've seen a full body scan of myself before, and let me tell you: embarrassing. It was literally like there was nothing down there. I lied and told the lady I only feel safe flying with penis tucked between my buttcheeks. Yeah I think she bought it.

Airport Employee Abused Body Scanner to Get a Naughty Look at a Coworker [gizmodo]

Mar 25 2010 Picture Me Puking: A Digital Camera Flask

The $13 Bev-Cam may look like a crappy digital camera, but it's actually a 5oz flask for hiding booze. Get inside me you delicious megapixels, make me warm!

Heading out for a night of clubbing? Tired of paying over inflated prices for watered down weak drinks? We have the perfect clubbing accessory for you...... The "Bev-Cam" camera flask.

The perfect gift flask for any college student, clubber or party goer on your list.

The company also sells a 3oz Bev-Burry flask (Blackberry lookalike, $11) and a 16oz Binocular Flask ($17). I bought all three for a total of 24 ounces of discreet boozing. And that doesn't even include the 32oz I've already hidden in my liver. Or the condom full of ecstasy in my butt. Which, uh-oh, I think has sprung a leak. Group hug!

Hit the jump for shots of the phone and binocular models.

Continue Reading " Picture Me Puking: A Digital Camera Flask "

Mar 25 2010 Pfft, Forget Basketball: Superhero Brackets

For those of you that don't care about college basketball, here are some superhero brackets created by ESPN so you can feel like you're participating in something. Me? I only participate in pageants and ménage à trois. Back me up, hands. I'll sit on you!

Nerd alert! We've ranked the top 32 comic book superheroes and supervillains -- now it's your turn to help us decide who will win "The Herd's" March bracket.

The Incredible 8 have been announced and voting for the Fantastic 4 is underway!

You can go HERE to vote if you really care. I don't though, so I didn't. Superman vs. Wolverine, really? How is that even a matchup? That's like pitting my Chicago Cubs against a 10-and-under girl's softball team. Should be close.

Superheroes vs. Supervillains Bracket [espn]

Thanks to pstonebatman, who throws games to make the other team feel better about themselves. Dammit pstone, YOU WILL NEVER BE A WARRIOR.

Mar 25 2010 Luke, I Am Your Coal-Burning Enemy: A Steampunk'd Stormtrooper Helmet

This is what a steampunk stormtrooper's helmet might look like. Or it might look entirely different, it's really hard to say because George Lucas is a jerk and desecrated my childhood. Regardless, like the Trade Federation motto goes, "brass, glass or coal gas, no one rides for free". Except Han, I'd Millennium the shit out of his Falcon any day.

steampunk stormtrooper helmet is geek overload [technabob]

Mar 25 2010 Girl Balancing 15 Books On Head, Solving Rubik's Cube And Reciting Pi To 100 Digits

It's exactly what the title says. Although I would have liked to see the Rubik's cube a little more mixed up. Jesus -- what is this, amateur hour?

Youtube

Thanks to b00geyman, who can balance 16 books on his head, solve two Rubik's cubes and recite pi to 1,000 digits. Now that's a headlining act.

Mar 25 2010 Not Bad: The A To Z Of Awesomeness Poster

Artist Neill Cameron went and created the A to Z of Awesomeness poster (larger shot HERE). Each letter depicts an awesome scene using objects starting with said letter. For example, D is for "Doctor Who defeating Doctor Doom in a Deadly Disco Dance-Off". The posters are available for around $12 and all proceeds go to charity.

All profits from the sale of this second printing will be donated to SSNAP (Support for the Sick Newborn And their Parents), a charity which supports the Intensive Special Care Nurseries (Neonatal Unit) at the John Radcliffe Hospital, Oxford.

Good looking, Neill. It's rare to see anybody donating their money to charity in this day and age. Well, besides me -- I spend everything I earn helping orphans. Oooor drinking myself to sleep every night. Guess which one!

Hit the jump for "Indiana Jones Inching Away From An Inebriated Iron Man".

Continue Reading " Not Bad: The A To Z Of Awesomeness Poster "

Mar 25 2010 Good Recovery: Clever Stripper Is Clever

This is a note sent to a teacher in regard to a picture a little girl drew of her mommy at work. In case you can't tell, her mother shakes her ass for singles. Or does she? Yes, she does. Woman wouldn't know a circular saw if she were getting cut into pieces (it's a real possibility).

Picture [flickr]

Thanks to Emma, who has never participated in take your daughter to work day. Don't worry Emma, I'm sure she's not a stripper.

Mar 25 2010 Impressive Work: Mario And Peach Sculpture In The Style of Michelangelo's 'La Pietà'

Artist Kordian Lewandowski went and carved Princess Peach and Mario in the style of Michelangelo's 'La Pietà'. It is most impressive. I posted a couple more pictures after the jump, including a reference shot of the original artwork, and a shot of this one with Kordian beside it, so you can appreciate the scale. Good lookin', Kordian. And classy. Speaking of which -- any chance of getting Princess Zelda in the style of buttnaked woman?

Hit the jump for the rest.

Continue Reading " Impressive Work: Mario And Peach Sculpture In The Style of Michelangelo's 'La Pietà' "

Mar 25 2010 Lil Tiny Pews: The World's Smallest Laser

This is a shot of, uh, actually, I don't know what. I think it's the world's smallest laser, but don't ask me what the hell's going on, because I have no idea. Shit, it could be Wolverine's penis.

...the world's smallest laser has arrived. It's 30 millionths of a meter long, it could revolutionize microprocessors as we know them...

The microlaser, which was developed over the last year and a half in Zurich, is actually shorter than the wavelength of the light it emits, a feat made possible by the use of an electrical resonant circuit as opposed to the conventional optical one.

The researchers suggested that this technique could yield lasers small enough to replace transistors, leading to vastly more efficient microprocessors.

Impressive, but I don't want a small laser, I want a GIANT one. I'm talkin' Deathstar superlaser size. I want to destroy entire planets. I'll avenge you, Pluto!

The World's Smallest Laser [gizmodo]

Thanks to mike469x, who once stared at a laser for an entire minute with little to no damage to his eyes. Mike that was a flashlight.

Mar 25 2010 Oh Hai, Tough Guy: A Flamethrowing Scooter

British scooter lover (and snazzy dresser) Colin Fruze went and developed a flame-throwing setup for his ride. Why? Because he's a badass, that's why! Kidding, nobody badass drives a scooter (except you of course). The flames shoot 12-feet out the back of the tailpipe (not unlike my roommate after the atomic hot-wing challenge) and encourage drivers to keep their distance. Now I'm not saying that bottom pic is the last thing a tailgater will ever see, but it is. Well, the last thing they'll ever see before running the f*** over a jackass on a scooter.

Flamethrowing scooter keeps tailgaters at bay [dvice]

Mar 24 2010 Oh Wow: Meg From Family Guy In Real Life

Ever wonder what Meg from Family Guy would look like in real life? Well now you know. And probably wish you didn't. Too late suckers -- have fun dreaming about her!

Real Life Meg [filmdrunk]

Thanks to Stephen and cocoa, who both party like Brian. Except Stephen, he's a lightweight.

Mar 24 2010 WTF?: Creepy Robotic Performance Piece

This is a video of some creepy-ass robotic performance piece. And it just so happens to contain two of my least favorite things in the whole entire world: robots and crying babies. It's terribly painful to watch, especially considering the bot comes out with guns blazing. Thankfully, the piece does have a happy ending if you can make it that far. Which, honestly, I never can. You start massaging my lower back and it's all over.

The softer side of Japanese WTFery [wtfjapanseriously]

Thanks to Ryan and Kawaii Bakemono, who would have dove out of the box seats and John Wilkes Booth'ed that bad mammer jammer.

Mar 24 2010 Whatever Happened To Eating Enemies?

Pacman, no longer content with just eating his enemies, is now equipped to blow the shit out of them. And I'm not talking about in a gas station bathroom either, although you have to admit he does have a pretty mouth.

Uncle Sam Sticks It to The Terrorists with the Pacman Grenade [walyou]

Thanks to liquid Tension, who once dove on a grenade to save his platoon but never got a medal because the pin hadn't been pulled. He laid there sweating for over an hour.

Mar 24 2010 Uh-Oh: Facebook Linked To Rise In Syphilis

Facebook has been linked to a 4x rise in syphilis in some parts of Britain because "it has given people a new way to meet multiple partners for casual sexual encounters." Geez, whatever happened to scrawling your number on the urinal divider in rest stop bathrooms?

The virus has increased fourfold in Sunderland, Durham and Teesside, the areas of Britain where Facebook is most popular

"There has been a fourfold increase in the number of syphilis cases detected with more young women being affected.

"Social networking sites are making it easier for people to meet up for casual sex."

Listen, before any wild rumors get started, I want it to be known that joining Geekologie's Facebook page won't give you syphilis. But it will make you smarter and your penis thicker. Me? I should probably un-fan myself.

Facebook 'linked to rise in syphilis' [telegraph]

Thanks to @glitterglamour_, who loves sparkles almost as much as I do.

Mar 24 2010 Eye Candy: Nintendo 3DS Gameplay Video

Note: Skip to around 0:50 for the start of the good stuff.

This is a little video mockup of what 3-D gameplay will look like on the Nintendo 3DS. It seems pretty awesome. And by awesome I mean I just want to crawl into the screen and escape from this cruel, cruel world. Kind of like Pan's Labyrinth, except with a big f*** no, absolutely not to ol' eyeball hands.

Youtube

Thanks to venort, who only plays portable mind games.

Mar 24 2010 Not Gonna Work: Robot Baby Designed To Encourage Japanese Couples To Procreate

As you may well know because you're all worldly and know things about things, Japan's birth rate is in the proverbial robotic toilet. So a group of graduate students at the University of Tsukuba designed a robot baby that's supposed to show couples how fun it is to care for a child and encourage them to hump.

The automated doll developed at the University of Tsukuba, called Yotara, giggles and "wakes up" when a rattle is shaken. He sulks and dozes off like a real baby and smiles when his stomach is rubbed. The robot can also sneeze and have a runny nose, thanks to a heated water pump system.

"We'd like people to experience the innocent, joyful expressions typical of small babies.

"Through this experience, it would be great if some people started feeling that they wanted to have their own baby, if they started feeling that working is not everything."

Wow, could you have come up with a worse way to encourage couples to have business sex? I mean, come on. You think a robot baby pissing oil and shitting circuit boards all over the place is gonna get anybody excited about having kids? No, what you need to do is play up the actual positive aspects of child rearing. Namely, free labor. Isn't that right, GW Junior? Haha, that was rhetorical -- shut up and keep scrubbing.

Birth-Boosting Hopes Of Japan's Robot Baby [yahoonews]

Thanks to Lizze, Michael, cVolt, Joseph and Sarah, who would shoot the stork that brought them a robotic baby.

Mar 24 2010 Let's Make Smoothies!: Wolf Urine For Sale

Who knew -- Amazon carries wolf urine. HOW THE F*** DO YOU COLLECT WOLF URINE?!

Use our 100 percent urine lures to create the illusion predators are present in the area you wish. Great for photographers, gardeners, hunters and wildlife enthusiasts. Due to changes in shipping regulations, we cannot ship this item to California.

Oh sure, I finally find a reputable supplier of wolf lemonade and they won't even ship to California. Now how am I gonna make my special margaritas?
....
....
Can I walk your dog?

Amazon Product Page (coyote urine also available)

Thanks to pirhan, who once managed to drank a gallon of weasel urine in under an hour without puking. Um, pirhan, isn't the challenge supposed to be milk? I mean, hey, weasel urine -- that's impressive too.

Mar 24 2010 Year Old Happy Meal Looks As Good As New

You see that picture? It's a Happy Meal saved by writer Joann Brusco for a year as part of a scientific experiment involving WTF. You'd think it would have turned into a Not So Happy Meal in that time, right? Think again -- Ronald knows how to survive an apocalypse.

My Happy Meal is one year old today and it looks pretty good. It NEVER smelled bad. The food did NOT decompose. It did NOT get moldy, at all.

This morning, I took it off my shelf to take a birthday photo. The first year is always a milestone. I gave it one of my world famous nonna hugs as we've been office mates for a year now! (Okay, maybe my sanity is in question.)

Jesus, you left a Happy Meal on your office shelf for a year and nobody ate it? I can't leave a f***ing Subway 6-inch in the office fridge for an afternoon without somebody stealing it. Which is exactly why I -- HEY JOANN WHAT'S THAT?! *OM NOM NOM* Mmmm, vintage burger. Also, this toy sucks.

McDonald's Happy Meals Evidently Invincible [treehugger]
and
This 1-Year-Old Happy Meal Has Aged Surprisingly Well [consumerist]

Thanks to Lana, Taylor and Korey, who have all eaten year-old Whoppers and puked uncontrollably.

Mar 24 2010 Please Tell Me You Did Not Bang A Genesis Controller: Video Game Controller Family Tree

This is the family tree of video game controllers as imagined by Sock Master (larger shot HERE). It looks alright, but I'm not sure I can trust anything coming from a guy who calls himself Sock Master (Shoe Master, sure, but Sock Master? You can't even prevent your people from getting lost in the dryer!).

I've put together a chart, or controller family-tree, that tries to connect all the current console controllers with their predecesors. Firstly, I don't think anyone else has tried to do something similar on the web, and second, none of the manufacturers actually come out and tell you who they're borrowing ideas from. This means, a lot of the information presented here is my opinion. I try to keep things accurate, using facts that I know, but also making some of my own conclusions where no hard evidence is available.

There are still a number of gaps in the family tree, as a lot of controllers are still missing from the chart. Eventually, I will try to fill in some of the holes. Current things that are missing are controllers I couldn't get my hands on, controllers from less popular consoles, and most of the 8-bit era - which I plan to add in the future, but left out for now because there isn't an obvious connection between the early 8-bit era and later controllers.

I didn't bother reading all that because I'm saving my eyes for marriage, but I do know a guy who receives sexual gratification from wrapping a NES controller's cord around his genitals. Isn't that right, me? Oh you know it.

Sock Master's Game Console Controller Family Tree [axess] (interactive, click a controller for more info)

Thanks to Brian, who once cinched his Wiimote's strap around his junk. Now that's just plain dirty.

Mar 24 2010 Dinoogle: Google, But With More Dinosaurs

Dinoogle is a Google powered search engine that has some dinos on the page to ramp up the sex appeal. It's exactly what I've been telling Google to do for years but they never listen because, "don't let that guy back in the building", and, "the police have already been called". So, yeah. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some serious internet research to attend to. Search "Stegosaurus humping caveman".

Dinoogle

Thanks to kitimatdude, Page, Gabby "Ilovemylucycat", Al Capwn, samm, Jessica and Bonykamikazi, who all search for things the old fashioned way -- with a magnifying glass. Ooh -- ooh -- let's burn some ants!

Mar 23 2010 DO IT, DINO! EAT THEM, EAT THEM BOTH!

OMG I can't even begin to describe how awesome it would be to see these two brooding boxcutters getting their asses torn apart by a raptor. I would orgasm. And the whole world would feel it. I'm talking an 11 on the Richter scale here, folks. Total devastation.

Edward Watches Bella [verydemotivational]

Thanks to Megan, Nathan and Uncle Stalin, who watch the raptor watching Edward watching Bella. Whoa, now that's deep.

Mar 23 2010 Fancy Pants: Novelty Drinking Roulette Game

Let's not kid ourselves, drinking and gambling go together like getting high and playing video games. THEY WAS PRACTICALLY MADE FOR EACH OTHER, YOUNG'N! And now you can do both easily thanks to $35 Drinking Roulette. You just spin the ball, drink the corresponding shot, then keep going until you puke or die. Fun, right? Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Family game night! Making out with your sister!

Product Site
via
Drinking Roulette Set: Coming to a Classy Fraternity Near You [uberreview]

Mar 23 2010 When You're Really In Love: Bacon Bouquet

Flowers, as you may well know, are the key to a woman's heart. And by heart I mean bloomers. But when you're truly in love, crappy red roses simply will not do. Enter the bacon bouquet. It looks like flowers, but that shit is bacon! You keep these things coming and you'll make your way into a woman's XL granny-pannies in no time. Now, close your eyes. Are they closed? Wait, open them. I want you to read this next sentence and then close them tight and concentrate, okay? The worst dimpled, flabby, wrinkled grandma butt your brain can come up with, GO!

Bacon Roses [bitsandpieces]

Thanks to Racheal, who, for the tip, get's a bologna bouquet. God, I'm poor, okay?!

Mar 23 2010 Tokyoflash's Latest: More Than Just A Watch!

This is Tokyoflash's latest exclusive design, the Kisai Escape C. What the hell is a Kisai Escape C? CHILL OUT I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU COPY/PASTE THE PRODUCT INFO, SON!

Escape C is a wireless hub that can be paired with your cell phone to make and receive calls hands free and wirelessly, paired with your MP3 player to listen to music in comfort as well as being idea for use with VoIP applications such as Skype on your computer for chatting and at the same time being able to move around the home or office. Escape C is also a versatile and stylish time piece.

The multi-function device will set you back 9,800 yen ($107, £72, €80) and would look great hanging from a genuince unicorn-hair necklace. Which I just so happen to make myself BECAUSE I OWN A UNICORN! See? What -- NO IT'S NOT A HORSE WITH A PARTY HAT ON (Yes it is -- call me, we do birthdays).

Hit the jump for another shot and a link to the product page (in case you missed that one).

Continue Reading " Tokyoflash's Latest: More Than Just A Watch! "

Mar 23 2010 Thrown An Elbow!: Cool Street Fighter Tattoo

This is a Ryu vs. Ken tattoo on some guy's forearm. As you can see (unless you're actually asleep at work), it's a shot of them both fireballin'. And speaking of fireballin' -- did you know I once stuffed 200 900 Atomic Fireballs in my mouth at the same time? It's true, I vomited flames. And a McGriddle.

Ridiculous Street Fighter Tattoo is Ridiculous(ly awesome) [albotas]

Thanks to Jamie, who got a a tattoo of Cammy's ass on his own ass. Now that's classy.

Mar 23 2010 Great, They're Giving Him A Giant Lightsaber

Remember the giant Gundam statue in Japan that I predicted would become self aware and wreak havoc on Japan in a way that would give even Godzilla a raging boner? Well now they've decided to give the bastard a light-up "beam saber". What's a beam saber? I dunno, but I sure don't want to be on the receiving end of one! Or double-ended dildo. BTDT, wish I'd destroyed the video.

Giant Gundam Returns With Giant Beam Saber [kotaku]

Thanks to Jordan and mousecheese, who gonna steal the beam saber and use it for evil. Not if I get to it first, jerks.

Mar 23 2010 That's What You Get!: 16-Year-Old Develops Carpal Tunnel From Constant Text Messaging

This is 16-year-old Annie Levitz. Annie has developed carpal tunnel from texting. And not even that much texting -- girl only sent about 4,000 messages a month. Pfft, I DO THAT IN A DAY. Aaaaand I can't feel my fingers.

"I definitely regret it," she said about her heavy texting. "It's painful, first of all. It's embarrassing wearing the braces, and having people know - it's not the greatest."

Her friends and classmates also couldn't believe that texting could lead to such a serious medical condition, she said. Some students in her science class called her "carpal tunnel girl," she said, but added, "it was all in good fun."

I hate to break it to you, Annie, but that was, in fact, not "all in good fun". They were joking you. HARD. Still, go ahead and pat yourself on the back. Feel that? It's a 'KICK ME' sign.

Teen Gets Carpal Tunnel from Texting [abcnews]
via
Teenage Girl Gives Herself Carpal Tunnel From Sending 4,000 Texts a Month [gizmodo]

Thanks to Christimus Prime, who turns into a monster truck instead of an 18-wheeler.

Mar 23 2010 Oh Japan, This Is NOT How You Sell Chips

This is a Japanese commercial for Calbee ear-shaped chips. I have no idea what the hell's happening, but it appears to be a love triangle between a boy, girl, and anthropomorphic circus dog. Which, now that I think about it, makes perfect sense for a Japanese chip commercial. All it's missing is a guy in a diaper playing with dolls.

Youtube

Thanks to Carol, who agrees it would have been a lot less weird with a cat.

Mar 23 2010 You're Gonna Spoil My Eyes!: Next Nintendo DS To Have 3D Display, Require No Glasses

A Nintendo DS with a 3D screen that requires no cheesewhizzy glasses to play. I swear, what will they think of next? Please say dino humping game, please say dino humping game.

Nintendo's next portable game machine will be called "Nintendo 3DS" and feature 3-D graphics, the company said Tuesday morning.

The new handheld game platform will feature a 3-D display that does not require the use of glasses. It will be released in Japan before March 2011. Nintendo 3DS will be compatible with Nintendo DS and DSi software, the company said.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that 3-D graphics are probably gonna make the world's youth even more violent. You know, because we're blurring the line between game and reality with all this 3-D technology. Amirite or amirite? No? Fine. 2-D STAB, 2-D STAB!

Nintendo 3DS Boasts Glasses-Free 3-D, Coming Soon [wired]

Thanks to Judyo, who already sees in 5-D and has to wait for technology to catch up.

Mar 23 2010 It Was Only A Matter Of Time: Bacon Beer

Bacon beer. Sounds delicious right? Well how about, oh I dunno, BACON-INFUSED BOURBON SMOKED PORTER?! My pants just flew off and they are sooo not coming back! If you want to make your own Grocery Eats has a recipe, which doesn't involve actually brewing your own beer. Which, did I ever tell you I made my own absinthe once? I did. And, not to brag or anything, but I still have both ears. You hear that, Van Gogh? Of course not -- you cut one of yours off AND GAVE IT TO A WHORE.

Bacon Beer [groceryeats]

Thanks to ray, who makes gin in his bathtub and doesn't even bother taking all his toys out first.

Mar 22 2010 You Did It Wrong: Google Mapper Mistake

Some Google Streetviewer appears to have left a pair of pliers on top of his camera while out mapping. Oops! Hey it's okay, mapper, just be thankful it wasn't a dildo. God I wish it'd been a dildo.

Google Maps

Thanks to Fan_Thomas, who once left a chainsaw on the roof of his car and drove off. It's not coffee, Thomas!

Mar 22 2010 The Cutest Photobomb You Ever Did See

I wasn't going to post this because it isn't old enough for my taste, but people won't stop sending it to me so I figured I'd go ahead and put it up. That way I'll only get the tip a couple more times in the next few days. Anyway, this is a seal photobombing (to absolute perfection) a group of penguins. And yes, it's real. Which reminds me: remember in 'March of the Penguins' when that one penguin lost its egg and tried incubating a rock instead? That was f***ing sad. Oh great, now I'm depressed. I swear, you are such a jerk for bringing that up.

Seal Photobomb [todaysbigthing]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in, I'll be making faces in the background when you least expect it. Also, babies.

Mar 22 2010 Magneto Scoffs At Your Magnogrip Bracelets

The Magnogrip bracelet is a magnetic bracelet that holds nuts and bolts and screws and other metal bits so they're easily accessible when you're building manly-ass things like dollhouses.

You can order the MagnoGrip magnetic wristband at Amazon for $11 (USD); there's also a pink-colored version but it's more expensive.

WHY IS PINK MORE EXPENSIVE? What is pink dye a hot commodity now or something? Ladies love pink and you know it. I SMELL SEXUAL DISCRIMINATION! Or dog shit. *sniff* Oh yeah, that's shit alright. *sniiiiiiiiff*

magnogrip magnetic wristband lets you keep your nuts close at hand [technabob]

Mar 22 2010 I Saw Him Do It!: Guile, Guilty As Charged

This is Guile from the Street Fighter franchise about to get the book thrown at him for destroying the hell out of somebody's Lexus. Jesus, you can't just go around kicking peoples cars, Guile. There are rules. Thankfully, I happen to know that judge (Chun Li upskirt pics and I'll make it all go away). Or, I dunno, you can get your ass pounded by Blanka in the slammer, your call.

Street Fighter Car Vandalism

Thanks to Liz, who, ooh -- ooh -- SONIC BOOM!

Mar 22 2010 Well It's About Time: Chainable USB Plugs

Chainable USB plugs allow you to plug in multiple newfangled USB powered gizmos without sacrificing a port to any one device. Unfortunately, they're still conceptual at the moment. But did that stop me from plugging 100 of them together and setting my laptop on fire? OF COURSE IT DID I SAID THEY WERE CONCEPTUAL YA DUM DUM.

Running Out Of USB Ports? [yanokdesign]
via
Chainable USB plugs are pure genius [dvice]

Mar 22 2010 Will You Survive A Zombie Apocalypse?, The Flowchart (SPOILER: No, No You Won't)

This is a flowchart used to determine if you'll survive a zombie apocalypse. This is only a tiny piece of the thing though because it's giant so click THESE PINK WORDS to see the whole damn damndy damn. So? You're a goner aren't you? Well let me give you a little piece of advice: you don't have to run that fast to avoid zombies, just faster than the guy beside you (read: club the shit out of his legs).

Will You Survive The Undead Apocalypse? [gameinformer]

Thanks to Ford, Blackheart and Jessie, who would definitely survive a zombie apocalypse. But robots -- not robots.

Mar 22 2010 I Said Stop Licking My Neck!: A Yoshi Scarf

Well folks, whichever neighbor it is whose internet I was stealing before mine got connected finally caught on this morning. Thankfully, the cable guy just hooked mine up so I AM BACK ON THE INTERNETS BABY. GEEKOLOGIE LIFTOFF IN 3...2...1....PPSSSSSHOOOOOOOW!!

This is a Yoshi scarf created (with love and yarn) by arts and craftster slash Etsy seller ShadowsInTheNyte. She sells them for $45 and has a bunch of other geeky crochet items as well. You know, if you're into that. Me? I'm into other dudes.

ShadowsInTheNyte's Etsy
via
This custom-made Yoshi scarf is AWESOME! [destructoid]

Thanks to raficus, who has a scarf made of genuine Yoshi skin because he's sick and hunts little dino-thingies.

Mar 22 2010 There Can Be Only One: Vader Vs. Batman

Vader's like, "Hey batguy, this IS the crotch you're looking for", and Batman's all, "Whee, I'm swinging like Spidey!"

Artist Dave Dorman
via
OMG: Batman vs. Darth Vader Lightsaber Duel [geeksaresexy]

Thanks to Dustin, who whipped both Vader and Batman's asses for not coming to his birthday.

Mar 22 2010 Han Solo Frozen In Carbonite Popsicle Shirts

Today only over at Teefury they're selling Han Solo Pop shirts (I'd like to pretend they're creamsicles). $9 plus $2 shipping ($5 international) brings one to your door. Alternatively, $2K and a case of beer bring mes. Oh who am I kidding, I'll show up for a few stray cans of backwash. Mmmm, cigarette butt-y.

Teefury (will be an entirely different shirt tomorrow)

Thanks to James "Thunderhorse" and mud, who just want to lick Han's frozen nipples so bad.

Mar 21 2010 Gamer Bling: Gold & Diamond Mario Pendant

This gold and diamond encrusted Mario pendant recently sold on eBay for the low, low price of $2,600. Yes I bought it! Which is exactly why I didn't post it until after the deal was done. I can't have you stealin' my blang! What did I get for my hard-earned cashmoney?:

Total Carat Weight: 4.25CT

Metal Type: 10K Solid Yellow Gold
Gemstone: Natural Diamond
Stone Clarity: SI
Stone Color: Black, blue, canary, & white
Stone Cut: Round
Setting: pave
Weight: 31.60 Grams
Width: 2 Inches
Length: 3.25 Inches
Note: Mario Design.

Okay, I know I said I bought it earlier, but the thing is I lied. You see, I don't have two arcade tokens to rub together, let alone a couple extra G's. What do I look like, I'm rich? Haha, no, not all the handsome people are rich.

eBay Auction (seller has other gamer jewelry as well)
via
Diamond coated Mario can be yours for $2600 [yahoopluggedin]

Thanks to Jay, who considered buying it but decided to hold out for Toad.

Mar 20 2010 Mmmm!: God Of War III's Nutritional Info

This is a little graphic depicting God of War III's nutritional facts as imagined by Gary Hodges. And, as expected, it's pretty much everything you need to grow up strong and healthy. Suck it, Flintstones vitamins! Just kidding -- you know how you can't open a Tic-Tac box without eating them all? I'm the same with with Flintstone vitamins. Which is exactly why I've turned orange and started pissing gravel I'm 30-feet tall and stronger than six Paul Bunyans. No, eight.

God of War Label [joystickdivision]

Thanks to P05TMAN, who better stop stealing my Christmas cards.

Mar 20 2010 TV Remote With Integrated Bottle Opener

The Clicker is a universal remote with a bottle opener attached. I don't know how expensive they are but I do know much it would cost to duct tape a regular bottle opener to my existing remote, so free is kind of my price point right now. And free, as you may know, is what this is supposed to be the land of. BUT I HAVE MY DOUBTS. Know what I'm sayin'? Legalize it. Haha, what do you mean I'm in LA and I can just go get a weed card? WAIT, WHAT?! Slow down you're blowing my mind.

Bottle opener remote is perfect for couch potato beer snobs [dvice]

Mar 20 2010 It Was Only A Matter Of Time....

Before a major news outlet misspelled Large Hadron Collider. Thankfully, it was the Telegraph and not a really respectable news source like Geekologie. Because boy would I have been red in the face! No, no I wouldn't have been. I would have worn that shit like a badge. A badge of awesome. Now collide those wieners!

The Typo We've Been Waiting For [gizmodo]

Thanks to Liz, who doesn't even want to know what happens when two giant blimpies collide. Magic, Liz, magic.

Mar 20 2010 Steampunk'd Princess Leia And Boba Fett

This is a picture of a steampunk'd Princess Leia and Boba Fett from deviantARTist onewhospinsflags. Good lookin', onewhospinsflags. Say, you don't happen to know onewhospinshislittlepeeneraroundlikeahelicopter, do you? Because I sat next to him on the bus once. I think he should pay for my drycleaning.

onewhospinsflags' DeviantART

Thanks to sham, who once created a steampunk'd Star Trek costume but the coal-powered pants warmer caught fire and burnt it all up.

Mar 19 2010 I'd Feel Much Safer If Catman Were Around

Catman, get it? It's a take on Batman, but with cat instead of bat because, I don't know if you could tell or not, but that's a cat in the picture. I know, I know, the mask threw me off too.

rVm41[izit]

Thanks to Rob, who once put a Robin mask on a blue jay but then it flew into a window.

Mar 19 2010 What Does That Even Mean?: Large Hadron Collider "Sets 3.5-Trillion Volt Energy Record"

I don't know, but it doesn't sound good. I better finish my rocket double-time before this thing goes and swallows up the solar system. WHO'S COMING WITH ME? I have room for three. Plus snacks.

Operators of the world's largest atom smasher on Friday ramped up their massive machine to three times the energy ever previously achieved, in the run-up to experiments probing the secrets of the universe.

The European Organization for Nuclear Research, or CERN, said beams of protons circulated at 3.5 trillion electron volts in both directions around the 17-mile tunnel housing the Large Hadron Collider under the Swiss-French border at Geneva.

The next major development is expected in a few days when CERN starts colliding the beams in a new round of research to examine the tiniest particles and forces within the atom in hopes of finding out more about how matter is made up.

Not to put a damper on your weekend, but we're all as good as dead. So you know what that means -- drink like you've never drank before!*

*Geekologie accepts no responsibility for alcohol poisoning but will take all the credit if you manage to score some awkward, drunken sex.

Atom Smasher Sets 3.5-Trillion Volt Energy Record [foxnews]

Thanks to hybridsix, who promises to sabotage the machine with more bread. Smart, hybridsix, way to buy us some time.

Mar 19 2010 Batman Stabbing A Shark With A Lightsaber

Dammit Bruce, that's not how you hold a lightsaber. You're likely to cut your own Bat-peen off stabbing around like that. I'm serious, one time I was swinging around a rope bone for my dog like that and walloped myself in the change purse. I managed to waddle to the bathroom and drop my shorts just as I passed out.

Check out artist Andrew Zubko's official site here.

George Washington vs a tiger? How about Batman with a lightsaber vs a shark? [iheartchaos]

Thanks to JFreezy, FelipeMago, Chessa, silvermidnight, Marty McFly, Ben and Matt, who would have liked to see some giant octopus action in there for good measure.

Mar 19 2010 Darth Vader Ad For The WWF's 'Earth Hour'

For those of you not familiar with the WWF, it's all fake. It's basically two musclebound douchebags dancing around in choreographed homoeroticdom. Don't get me wrong, I still love it, it's just not real like all the mullets want to believe. the World Wide Fund For Nature focuses on issues regarding conservation, research and restoration of the environment. And they encourage everyone to turn off their non-essential lights for Earth Hour on March 27th from 8:30 to 9:30PM to raise awareness for climate change. Which, whether you even believe in climate change or not, you've got to admit I am gonna go to the beach tomorrow.

Youtube

Thanks to naas, who's keeping his lights out for the entire month because he can't pay the electric bill.

Mar 19 2010 They're Not Magic?!: How Grenades Work

This is a little informational graphic explaining how grenades work. And don't worry -- you're not the only one who thought there was an explosive genie trapped inside. I'm right here with you. Which reminds me, did I ever tell you about the time a group of ruthless terrorists lobbed a Molotov cocktail at me? I caught it, pulled the flaming rag out and chugged that shit like grape soda. Just sayin', you ever seen terrorists cry? I have.

How Grenades Work [gizmodo]

Mar 19 2010 Braille Box: A Rubik's Cube For The Blind

This is a Rubik's Cube for the blind. Or for people who like screaming and smashing Rubik's Cubes. I'm one of the latter. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, YOU STUPID LITTLE TOY?! I OUGHTA TAKE YOUR F***ING STICKERS OFF AND REARRANGE THEM. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THAT? Actually, you know what? *smash* THAT'S WHAT.

Braille Rubik's cube looks downright torturous [dvice]

Mar 19 2010 Suck It, Bendy(!), There's A New Straw In Town

If you're anything like me you drink out of your hands or directly from a container because you don't have any glasses. I know, I know, we're classy. But for those of you that prefer to look ridiculous, there's the $7 Trunk Sipper, a straw that makes you look like an elephant. If elephants were people with ridiculous novelty straws.

Quench your elephant sized thirst with our Elephant Trunk Sipper Straw. It's a soft flexible elephant trunk with a plastic straw embedded inside! Great for kids, adults and ridiculous photo ops!

Did you know that an adult elephant can drink up to 50 gallons of water in just one day?! That's 800 8oz glasses for human-folk. Elephants must have to pee all the time!

First of all, elephants don't have to pee all the time because their bladders are the size of kiddy pools. A kiddy pool I wouldn't want to splash around in, if you catch my drift. Why do children always have to shit in the wave pool?

Product Site
viaElephant Trunk Sipper Straw Is Better Than a Bendy [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who drinks the way God intended, with his finger like Mork from Mork & Mindy.

Mar 19 2010 Lincoln, What Happened To Your Beard, Bro?

Geekologie Reader Edward J, being the intrepid lil' experimenter that he is, mixed-and-matched the president's faces on currency notes because he wanted to know what Honest Abe would look like without an honest beard. Kissable, that's how.

A while ago I was having a slow day at work, so i started to organizing the registers money to make closing the store easier, and i noticed that most of the presidents heads are scaled to the exact same size. Excluding the $1, $10, and $100's, you can fold them and mix and match their hair, noses, and beards. I scanned all of the best combinations I could come up with, and thought you might find them Geekologie worthy.

I'm kinda digging Abe in the top bill with all the swoopy hair. Now that's a mane. No, you're the mane! See what I did there? I'm full of shit like that.

Hit the jump for two more versions and another link to Edward's Flickr with even more.

Continue Reading " Lincoln, What Happened To Your Beard, Bro? "

Mar 18 2010 Pedaling 'Dem Bones: A Skeleton Bicycle

Artist and Geekologie Reader Eric Tryon went and made himself a skeletal bicycle. It's fully functional and the arms and head move whenever you make a turn. Plus, it looks like you're humping a demon skeleton, so ghosts won't mess with you.

Hit the jump for a closeup.

Continue Reading " Pedaling 'Dem Bones: A Skeleton Bicycle "

Mar 18 2010 New Lip Gloss Created That Changes Color When A Woman Is Amorous (Read: Horny)

There's a new lip gloss in town, ladies. And it lets men know when you're feeling, how should I say -- corndoggy.

The Mood Swing Emotionally Activated Lip Gloss was invented in California. A spokesman for makers Too Faced said: "The colours change depending on your emotional state."

The saucy slap changes from clear to deep crimson as the wearer feels frisky. It works by reacting with a girl's body chemistry.

And each £12 tube comes with a colour chart so men can work out how randy their partner is feeling.

Listen ladies, if you really want to let guys know when you're feeling, how should I say -- penis-y, you don't need lip gloss. What you need is....actually, I don't know what you need, I've never been with a girl. THEY SHOULD WEAR SIGNS.

Sex? Read my lips [thesun]
via
New Lipstick Changes Colors When Ladies Are Horny [gizmodo]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, whose mood ring is always the good color. Green. Or blue. Whichever's better.

Mar 18 2010 You're Doing It Wrong!: Speeding 18-Wheeler Pushing Car Down The Highway Sideways

This is a video of a speeding tractor trailer in Yorkshire, England pushing a car down the highway oblivious THAT IT HAS AN AUTOMOBILE STUCK UNDER ITS BUMPER. Just watching it I shit my pants for the car's driver.

The owners of the lorry, Cheshire-based Arclid Transport, and West Yorkshire Police are investigating the incident. A spokesman from the company said: "There was an incident between a car and one of our vehicles in January.

He added that he believed the female driver of the Clio had not been injured in the incident.

The company said the lorry driver was sent home on Wednesday, when the video emerged on the internet.

He added that the accident happened on 13 January and police had investigated, but to date no action had been taken against the lorry driver.

Wow. That looks pretty scary. And by scary I mean I love how the woman in the car is riding her brakes, LIKE THAT'S GONNA DO ANYTHING. Women drivers, amirite? (Spoken like a guy who hit a parked car two days ago)

Youtube

Thanks to Bongo, who once pushed an 18-wheeler down the road without noticing because he drives a monster truck.

Mar 18 2010 Luke, I Am Your Seed Spitting Champion: A Death Star Watermelon

BAM, a Death Star watermelon. Or is it a watermelon Death Star? Whatever the case, I know I'm not the only one eying that laser. Now I'm not saying I want to have sex with it, but I'm not saying I don't either because I'm playing it cool. Trust me, superlasers don't go for guys who are too forward.

Official Star Wars Blog

Thanks to dr venkman, sham and Unpaid Parking Tickets, who made Millennium Falcon melons and then smashed them with sledgehammers Gallagher style.

Mar 18 2010 Amazingly Amazing Papercraft Game Boy

This is an amazingly well made papercraft Game Boy by French designers Zim and Zou. It doesn't actually play games but it does look good. Me? I play games AND look good.

Hit the jump for a bunch more shots of the impressiveness, along with a link to more worthwhile gaming papercraftage.

Continue Reading " Amazingly Amazing Papercraft Game Boy "

Mar 18 2010 Vertical Take-Off, Hover-able Supersonic Jet

This is a video of the F35-B, the first supersonic jet capable of vertical take off and landing PLUS HOVER! Sure it's probably existed forever in top secretness, but I get the feeling the government has just now gotten around to declassifying the thing. Now give us the alien files, God!

Hit the jump for another video of the plane taking off traditionally, but super short.

Continue Reading " Vertical Take-Off, Hover-able Supersonic Jet "

Mar 18 2010 You're All Pervs: Bodypainted Mass Effect Girl

This is a girl bodypainted (link NSFW) in a Mass Effect getup (link NSFW). That's all I know, but, honestly, I don't even need to know that to have a good time. Just a bartender and a sword swallower.

Hit the jump for the uncensored, arguably NSFW version.

Continue Reading " You're All Pervs: Bodypainted Mass Effect Girl "

Mar 18 2010 Not In My House!: Baby Head Candle Holders

Little Joseph is a little creepy ass porcelain candle holder. As the candle melts it drips wax onto his face because, I don't know if you knew this about him, but little Joseph has been a very, VERY bad boy. Was that not creepy as shit? I was trying to be, I swear. £69.00 (~$105) takes one home, but it does not come with the Geekologie Writer seal of approval. But it will come in a box. And maybe, just maybe, your cat will play in it.

Hit the jump for a closeup of the no thank you very much.

Continue Reading " Not In My House!: Baby Head Candle Holders "

Mar 18 2010 Blockbuster's Anti-Dino Hiring Policy

As long as they don't eat the customers I don't see what the big deal is. Just sayin', you know how many times I've brought a girl home only to find out she's swinging a hammer bigger than mine? Zero -- BECAUSE THEY'RE DUDES.

Blockbuster Win [failblog]

Thanks to Sean, John, pstone, wes g, Theapexninja Guy, Steven, Brad, FelipeMago, junkyard dog and Kryptic, who all agree Blockbuster shouldn't be allowed to put all that candy near the checkout because it's not fair to people with no self control.

Mar 17 2010 Wait, What?: Steve Jobs Cheese Heads

What better way to kickoff an iPad release party than with a smorgasbord featuring several iterations of Steve Jobs' head shaped out of mozzarella cheese? You think about it while I puke for a little.

My old pal Ken over at The Cook's Den, has dreamed up a frighteningly delicious idea he plans on serving at his epic iPad launch party.

Ken's cannibalistic treat with authentic pepper beard, is featured as an iPad Thai, Apple Cheese Plate and my favorite, Spicy Steve Nachos. Steve Jobs' melting head in the pot is absolutely disgusting, yet I still can't look away. Ken offers DIY directions for all of these dishes on The Cook's Den, including carving up the head of Apple's CEO.

First of all, is there even such a thing as an "epic" iPad launch party? Because no matter how hard I close my eyes, I just can't can't see it. Only swirls of color. Which, if this gonna be that kinda party I'm gonna stick my peen in the cheese dip!

Hit the jump for the other two dishes, including Jobs' melted-ass face.

Continue Reading " Wait, What?: Steve Jobs Cheese Heads "

Mar 17 2010 Where Were The Aliens?: CG Flyby Of Mars

This is being billed as the most accurate flyby of Mars. Which, Jesus, you know things are shitty when the most accurate flyby of Mars is entirely CG.

The flyby uses 3D data gathered from HiRISE, the 0.5-meter reflecting telescope on board NASA's Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter. The 3D data set was calculated by comparing HiRISE's ultra-crispy images taken from two different points of view. The photos were matched using picture recognition software and converted in a 3D surface map using the position of the orbiter. The result is the most accurate terrain information on the surface of Mars yet. The best thing: All this data is being published by NASA for everyone to use.

Impressive, but it didn't really look any more accurate than the flyby I made this morning with my crumpled bedsheets. And that one had a giant sleeping dog in the middle of it. Plus, oh I don't know, THE EPIC-EST LEGO BATTLE YOU EVER SEEN!

The Most Accurate Flyby of Mars to Date [gizmodo]

Mar 17 2010 Hard Hitting Journalism: A Sexy Gamer Girl

Many of you are probably thinking I only posted this because I needed something I could just toss up quick and dirty to keep you entertained while I unload a shit-ton of boxes. Well those people are 100% correct and should consider careers in child psychology.

jmi3i [izit]

Thanks to Rob, who failed at Konami coding her underwear off.

Mar 17 2010 Google Street Captures Superhero Kegger

Google Street View recently spotted a superhero kegger in progress in the Shetland Islands (Scotland). As you can see, the Hulk is about to smash some poor bastard's head in while Captain America and an unknown hero in red share a tender glance, and, as the night wears on, a passionate kiss in a secluded corner. All the while, the invisible man watches and pleasures himself. At least that's how it happens in my mind.

Hit the jump for another shot of the party and a bonus pic of a bird flying around with a fish stick.

Continue Reading " Google Street Captures Superhero Kegger "

Mar 17 2010 Electricity!: Awesome Tesla Coil Performance

I'm not really that into performance art unless it involves the naked ladies, but I thought this guy was okay. And not in a homoerotic way either. OF COURSE IN A HOMOEROTIC WAY! Now rub your feet on the carpet and touch my nose. DO IT!

Other Electronic Music: Tesla Coil Jam! [motherboard]

Thanks to sharky, who I used to be afraid lived in my swimming pool.

Mar 17 2010 But Nobody Cares: Personal Rosetta Stones

The Personal Rosetta Stone (Get Rosetta Stoned Today™) is a little 2-inch by 4-inch piece of granite (upper right in picture) that your relatives can glue to your grave so other people can access additional information about you via NFC-RFID enabled cell phone. OMG, you're gonna be the star of the graveyard!

• Easily add wireless technology to any monument
• Simply touch any NFC enabled cell phone to the tablet and see text and image on the screen
• Non-NFC phones can access information manually
• Select up to six Life Symbols to be engraved
• No annual fees or additional charges - free shipping
• Order for yourself and pass along to future generations

Pricing starts at $205. Basically, somebody waves their cell phone in front of the thing and then they can read whatever the hell you wrote before you kicked the bucket. It's like a Rosetta stone for your life. One nobody cares about. Plus pictures! Which -- are you thinking what I'm thinking? A ballshot and link to Geekologie, high-five!

Product Site

Thanks to Comfort Eagle and Blaqk Panda, who I'm officially making my spirit animals. Now, what do you two say we fly on down to the bar and f*** some bamboo up?

Mar 17 2010 Outerspace!: Hubble Space Telescope 3-D IMAX Movie Coming Out (Get High As A Kite)

Raise your hand if you like outerspace. Everyone? Good. I think outerspace is cool because it's so big. Also, because of the potential for alien sex. And on March 19th, 'Hubble 3D' the movie is dropping in select IMAXs Theaters. I want nachos!

...Through the power of IMAX® 3D, Hubble 3D will enable movie-goers to journey through distant galaxies to explore the grandeur and mysteries of our celestial surroundings, and accompany space-walking astronauts as they attempt the most difficult and important tasks in NASAs history. The film will offer an inspiring and unique look into the Hubble Space Telescopes legacy and highlight its profound impact on the way we view the universe and ourselves. Hubble 3D is an IMAX and Warner Bros. Pictures production, in cooperation with National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA). The film reunites the Space Station 3D filmmaking team, led by Producer/Director Toni Myers. Hubble 3D will blast off exclusively to IMAX and IMAX 3D theatres on March 19th, 2010. Narrated by Leonardo Dicaprio.

Count me in. AND YES WE'RE GETTING HIGH IN THE PARKING LOT FIRST. High on science! Well, science and weed. Now, how awesome would this movie be if it were 10 minutes of space and then an hour and twenty of a blurry alien humping the Hubble's lens cap? Oscar worthy is right!

Trailer for the movie after the jump. It's worth checking out.

Continue Reading " Outerspace!: Hubble Space Telescope 3-D IMAX Movie Coming Out (Get High As A Kite) "

Mar 16 2010 RIP Beloved Console, Friend: XBox 360 Coffin

So I got in an accident this morning ON MY WAY TO RETURN THE F***ING UHAUL TRAILER. 2,100 miles and the pooch gets screwed in the last ten blocks. Story of my life. And not the fun kind your mommy reads to you before bed. These are custom XBox 360 coffins for when your beloved system red rings.

The Xbox 360 though amazing in performance has one big glitch, the hardware is just not reliable enough with the official warranty providers saying that the failure rate is about 23.7%; and these problems have finally taken their toll on Alexis Vanamois (An Australian Designer) who went ahead and created a coffin design to send off the Xbox with dignity.

Dignity? I was crying on the side of Hollywood Blvd at 9:30 this morning. Just kidding, I never cried. But I did step in a soiled diaper on the sidewalk while waiting for the cops. Happy day!

Hit the jump for a bunch more shots.

Continue Reading " RIP Beloved Console, Friend: XBox 360 Coffin "

Mar 16 2010 'Predators' Sneak Peek: There's a Predadog or Something

Further evidence that no franchise will ever die--they will only hibernate, mutate, and return when you least expect it--here's a peek you can sneak of the newly pluralized Predator movie, Predators. This times things take an unexpected turn when "cold-blooded killers - mercenaries, Yakuza, convicts, death squad members"--Earth's greatest predators--find THEMSELVES the prey of a new breed of predator on an alien world. How sort of ironic! I guess this latest chapter is meant to give the impression it's taking place just after the twist ending of a Twilight Zone episode.

Continue Reading "'Predators' Sneak Peek: There's a Predadog or Something"

Mar 15 2010 Cuuuuute!: LEGO Dinosaur Skeleton

Brazilian LEGOlier Mauricio Vollu went and made this impressive dino skeleton entirely out of LEGO blocks. It's not the first LEGO dino we've ever seen, but it is the boniest. And speaking of which -- did I ever tell you I know the girl with the world's pointiest elbows? I mean those things are POINTY. Just sayin', you ever seen a bra-less witch on a winter's night? You have?! Jesus, that must have been something.

Dead meat [thelivingbrick]

Thanks to Blaqk Panda, who once built a human skeleton out of LEGO bricks but his neighbor called the cops because it looked too real.

Mar 15 2010 1:1,000,000,000 Scale Model USS Enterprise

This is the world's smallest scale model of the USS Enterprise. It's tiny. Like, smaller than your penis tiny. Invisible to the naked eye. Or, let's be honest, even the clothed eyes. You poor bastard.

Measuring just 8.8-micrometers long, this 1-billionth scale model of the USS Enterprise "was made with a 30 kV Ga+ focused-ion- beam CVD using phenanthrene gas by Takayuki Hoshino and Shinji Matsui of the Himeji Institute of Technology."

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but this is supposed to be a scale model, right? Because I always thought the Enterprise had a little more of an aerodynamic appearance. This thing looks like a crushed pie pan. Which, day after Pi Day tie-in -- I'm taking it!

1-Billionth Scale Model of USS Enterprise Measures 8.8-Micrometers Long [techeblog]

Thanks to sham, who boldly went to be before 10PM and got a great night's sleep.

Mar 15 2010 Strappy Storage Thing Looks Like Bag Strap, But, SPOILER ALERT: There's No Bag

The Dew Quiver iPod Shoulder Strap looks like a messenger bag's shoulder strap BUT THERE'S NO BAG ATTACHED! All the stuff it totes it totes INSIDE ITSELF. Just like a kangaroo! Except more like a hollow shoulder strap.

Alright, in all seriousness, this thing is the fanny pack for the 21st century. No, that's not some sort of compliment to the designers. Sure, it's got a place to run the cord for your earbuds and build-in volume control. But this thing boils down to being the equivalent of a fanny pack. It's not stylish, it's just a big ugly pocket. Make that a big ugly expensive pocket, as it will set you back $85.

But can you hula-hoop with it? Because, I don't know if you knew this about me or not, but I'm an experienced hooper. You see these hips? They don't lie. But they do get dislocated humping your mom. SNAP!

Have No Pockets? Strap Your iPhone To Your Chest [ohgizmo]

Mar 15 2010 I Can And Will Rob You: The Diamond iPad

You know what's classier than a diamond-studded iPad? Everything. Including Bedazzled jean jackets. But don't let that stop you from pissing away $20K on something I'll snatch from you and run.

"This gorgeous diamond studded iPad features 11.43 carats of diamonds, hand-set in a micro-pave styling. The diamonds are graded G/H in color and VS2/SI1 in clarity."

VS2/SI1? Pffft, those aren't even very nice diamonds! This is like the poor man's diamond iPad. No thanks, hobos!

'The world's first diamond iPad' for a low, low, low $20,000 [dvice]

Mar 15 2010 Proving A Point: Chinese Man Silently Destroys HP Laptop In Store

This is a video of a man silently destroying the shit out of his laptop at an HP store in China because it wasn't living up to his expectations. Damn, guy, if I quietly destroyed everything that didn't live up to my expectations I, uh, wouldn't have lost my voice so often.

The brutal destruction of the HP laptop happened eight months ago, but it's only just now come to light thanks to 170 formal complaints against HP products in China.

Jesus, if there were 170 formal complaints lodged, imagine how many casual ones there were. Which, according to a quick calculation, is over 90 billion.

Very Chilled Chinese Man Destroys HP Laptop [gizmodo]

Mar 15 2010 Forget Dogs, Wolverines Can Play Poker Too

This is a take on C.M. Coolidge's famous dogs playing poker paintings. Except, instead of dogs, it's a bunch of wolverines! Except, instead of wolverine animals, it's a bunch of the superhero! You know, the one with the, uh, aluminumtanium claws. Huh? OF COURSE I'M QUALIFIED FOR THIS JOB.

Picture

Thanks to Jessie, who once put Wolverine's cigar out in his eye and called him a cat. Whoa, Jessie, he's actually in the weasel family.

Mar 15 2010 Han Played First: A Millennium Falcon D-cast

First of all, D-cast like Dreamcast, not D-bag. Secondly, Power Stone II is by far one of the best games ever created, including 'doctor'. Sure you might not get to touch a boob under the guise of early cancer detection, but you weren't going to get to anyways. I do want you to take a look at this rash though. Now lick it. COME ON, IT'S LIKE KISSING A FROG!

The DC-Falcon was crafted by Steve Perry aka pezzapoo. Apparently the cult classic console and Perry's Millenium Falcon toy were perfect for each other. The Dreamcast's gameport plate easily fit into the side of the ship. After "lots of soldering" and the addition of two fans to keep the mod from bursting into flames, the DC-Falcon was born.

I love it. And I'm not just saying that because I hope pezzapoo makes me one, but I am going to steal his if he doesn't. Along with, oh I don't know, a kidney. SCALPEL!

Video demonstration of the system after the jump.

Continue Reading " Han Played First: A Millennium Falcon D-cast "

Mar 14 2010 Reasons To Celebrate: Happy Pi Day

Well folks, for those of you that don't keep track of things, it's March (and you probably can't find your car keys). Like mid-March. I know, I thought it was still January too. But it isn't. It's March 14th, which -- 3.14 -- Pi Day! And in five years it'll be 3.14.15. What a special one that'll be! And for everybody out there that's all, "it's actually 14.3.10 today", you know what -- YOU CAN'T RAIN ON THIS PI PARADE, YOU HEAR ME?! You couldn't even hail on a cake walk!

Pi Day's Wikipedia

Thanks to they're real and they're spectacular, Leslie, and whoever else reminded me that today was Pi Day and not just the day I try driving 800 miles without dying.

Mar 13 2010 Cavities!: 'What Should I Eat?' Candy Chart

NOTE: Full-res version HERE.

The latest in nutritional flow charts (after fast food, beer and breakfast cereal), comes the candy edition. Now I don't know about you, but when I'm hankering for something sweet, there's only one thing that does the trick: candy dots. Kidding, those are by far the shittiest candy ever made. Jesus, it's not even candy -- just mostly ripped paper.

What Should I Eat Candy Edition [topcultured]

Thanks to Drew, who's genuinely pissed the chart claims Whoppers taste like chalk.

Mar 13 2010 That Doesn't Look Like The Land Of The Free

You know, as I drive across this great country of ours, I've gotten to thinking, "is the tractor trailer driver next to me really masturbating?" And more often that not, yes, he is. Also, this picture: so not cool I don't even wanna go into it.

So that's how it ends? Good to know, good to know. [collegehumor]

Thanks to Nathan, who once traveled to the future to see what human life would be like in 2,200, but didn't see any. Well shit, Nathan, that's not a good sign.

Mar 12 2010 OMG OMG MAGIC!: Turn Any Can Into A Mug

The Can Grip snaps on to any standard aluminum can, providing the drinker with not only a handle, but a coaster. AAAAAAAH, future technology! Plus, they're cheap, only $10 for 6. Now, where the hell can I get some of that watermelon beer in the picture? And, more importantly, is it seedless? I already have enough watermelons growing in this ass! (The bottle said penis enlargement suppositories, I swear)

Product Site
via
Can Grips: A Can Holder and Coaster in One [uberreview]

Mar 12 2010 Sure, Why Not?: A Passat 4x4 'Monster Truck'

This is a Passat somebody lifted and added some big-ass tires to. It looks ridiculous and I wouldn't be caught dead driving it even if somebody killed me and propped me up in the front seat with a brick glued to my foot. Of course, then you might argue I couldn't help but be caught dead driving it, in which case -- shit, I'm calling my lawyer.

Passat Monster Truck, Ready for The Fast and the Furious: Warsaw Drift [gizmodo]

Thanks to Shane, who lifted his Neon, realized it was a bad idea, and drove it onto a lake.

Mar 12 2010 Wrist Watches: Now With More Dino Bones

This is the expensive-as-hell Louis Moinet Jurassic Tourbillon Watch. It's face is made out of 130-million year old dino bones (which would technically make it the Louis Moinet Cretaceous Tourbillon Watch, but rich people are idiots). "It's also got other nice features, like an 18K white gold case with 56 diamonds on the bezel". You know, as tacky as it is, I still want one. Provided I can cinch the band to the circumference of a telephone pole MONSTER TRUCK TIRE.

This watch has dinosaur bones inside for some reason [dvice]

Thanks to Quintin, Jimmy Jazz, Gavin and Dan, who, I have a birthday coming up in August, I'm just sayin'.

Mar 12 2010 Arguably The Best Site On The Internet

Aside from Geekologie and The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer's Association, Lazertits might very well be the best site to ever hit the web -- and my retinas. HAPPY EYES!

For centuries the female bosom has been wrongfully held in the prison of maternal duty and frat boy motor-boating. The time has come to blow the cell doors open for breasts! Howl for hooters! Terrorize for tits! Bomb for boobs! LAZERTITS looks into the past and changes the future one broad at a time. What will YOU say when your kids ask where you were during the revolution? Don't burn your bra, BLAST IT!!!

The site consists entirely of women, with, you guessed it, PEW BOOBS. Unfortunately, because of all the awesomeness the site is probably regarded as NSFW. Actually, it definitely is -- I just spotted a woman with a nonfunctional laser vaj on page two. MEDIC!

NSFW NSFW Lazertits NSFW NSFW

Thanks to Lea C, who is a woman and thus makes my posting this entirely okay. Some would argue even noble.

Mar 12 2010 Wtf's A Bread Plate?: Place Setting Placemats

This $27 Place Setting Placemat shows you where to set all the flatware and glasses when you're making a fancy dinner, so your guests are impressed with how highfalutin you are except for the blueprint placemats and microwavable lasagna. Also, I don't know about you, but I don't even own silverware. Or plates and bowls. The fanciest dinner I've ever had was wrapped in a paper towel and eaten over the sink. YES WITH TOP HAT AND MONOCLE. Jesus, I'm not a heathen.

Product Site
via
Product SitePlace Setting Placemats Save You The Embarrassment Of Misplacing The Salad Fork [ohgizmo]

Mar 12 2010 Ballin' The Jack: GW Is Moving Cross Country

Geekologists,

I'm leaving today to drive 2,100 miles cross country to Los Angeles, which I will be calling home until it chews me up and spits me out and tries to urinates on me before I roundhouse kick it in the pecker (I may be down, but I'm never out). That's my actual set-up in the picture, so you know the trip is gonna be pure awesome and smooth sailing. Things should return to normal by mid next-week, but I'll be continuing to write what I can in the mornings and have the posts drop throughout the day (including today, I've got at least six for you) as I travel, because I love you all that much. But if for any reason you aren't getting enough Geekologie to the vein, click the archive button to the right (or click random tags) and explore some of the other 6,500 articles on the site. One of the most popular tips I get is something I posted yesterday or last week, so there's bound to be something you've missed. And remember: I'll be thinking about you while I'm screaming at the blue hair in front of me for pulling out and going 40.

Best,

Your Geekologie Writer

Mar 11 2010 You Will Never Be A Physicist, Or Jedi!

Guess what? Those aren't misconceptions, those are the truth. So this isn't so much a win as a monster fail. Unless you're from the Unifying Force school of thought, in which case I can understand why you'd say the first part, but not the second. So at best half credit. And half credit, my friend, is only 60%. That's a C.

Physics Win [failblog]

Thanks to Iceman, who once mind-tricked the lunch lady into giving him an extra cinnamon roll. Lucky!

Mar 11 2010 Mutant!: Rare All-Black King Penguin Spotted

National Geographic photographer Andrew Evans recently spotted this rare color mutation of a King Penguin on the island of South Georgia, near Alabama Antarctica. Apparently the all-black coloration is unheard of in penguin's coats. But not trenchcoats. Per the photographer:

Melanism is merely the dark pigmentation of skin, fur -- or in this case, feathers. The unique trait derives from increased melanin in the body. Genes may play a role, but so might other factors. While melanism is common in many different animal species (e.g., Washington D.C. is famous for its melanistic squirrels), the trait is extremely rare in penguins. All-black penguins are so rare there is practically no research on the subject -- biologists guess that perhaps one in every quarter million of penguins shows evidence of at least partial melanism, whereas the penguin we saw appears to be almost entirely (if not entirely) melanistic.

Not to blow your ship off course or anything, Andrew, but look around. See anything unusual about the picture? The guy's mom f***ed a seal, bro.

All-black penguin discovered [yahoonews]

Thanks to Sven, how claims he saw an all-white penguin one time. Sven, that was a snowman.

Mar 11 2010 Cuuuute!: Minimalist 'Up' Scene In LEGO

This is a super-simple scene from Pixar's 'Up' created in LEGO by Peter Aoun. Now how cute is that? I just wanna eat all those lil balloons like candy! *crunch* Mmmmm, even better than I could've imagined! Here, you try a cloud. But wait, let's turn out the lights first -- I bet it'll spark like a WintOGreen Lifesaver! What? NO I'M NOT TOUCHING YOUR BUTT, YOU'RE TOUCHING YOUR BUTT!

Peter's Flickr Gallery (with some other geeky LEGO builds)
via
Fresh-ass Fanart: Minimalist Lego Homage to Disney/Pixar's 'Up' [albotas]

Mar 11 2010 Space Pirate!: Darth And Crosssabers Tattoo

This is a chick with a Darth and Crosssabers tattoo. It's being hailed as the new skull and crossbones and that may be true but I'm a traditionalist so I'll be sticking to my Yosemite Sam and Tasmanian Devil tats, thank you very much. Now I know what you're thinking, and as a matter of fact, yes, God did break the classy mold after making me. So, mudflap girl -- on my neck or taint?

Darth Vader and Light Sabers [geekytattoos]

Thanks to Matty, who allegedly has a Final Fantasy scene that covers both buttcheeks but I can't verify that because I refused to click the link he sent.

Mar 11 2010 WE ARE THE PEOPLE OF THE INTERNET!

This is promo commercial for the BBC's upcoming series, 'Superpower', a show airing this month which will investigate the ways in which the interwebs are transforming the world. It's narrated by what I thought was a ghost-alien at first, but actually turned out to be A PERSON OF THE INTERNET. Which, if you're reading this, guess what -- YOU ARE TOO! WE ARE THE PEOPLE OF THE INTERNET! Now, let's all huddle in front of our screens and make a positive change! Huh? Oh come on! Fine -- FINE! -- after a porn-break.

Youtube

Thanks to Fan_Thomas, who once stopped Fan_Thomas_The_Tank_Engine just by lining quarters up on the tracks.

Mar 11 2010 Underwater Seascrapers Of The Future

Seascaper, get it? Like a skyscraper, BUT IN THE OCEAN! What do you mean, "of course I got it?" I happen to know for a fact that there are several of you out there that don't ever get anything but confused looks. FACE!

hO2+ scraper is a design concept entered into the eVoIo Skyscraper Competition, and we're thinking it must have had a good chance of winning. We especially like those balancing tentacles that keep it from flipping over as they generate power.

Oh man, you remember that movie Waterworld? You remember how at the beginning Kevin Costner was drinking his own urine? Well I've done that. And lemme tell you what: shit'll put gills on your chest.

Hit the jump for a couple more conceptual renderings of what the future will look like until the Smokers blow it all up and steal our womens.

Continue Reading " Underwater Seascrapers Of The Future "

Mar 11 2010 YES!: Mystery Science Theater 3000 Haiku

This is a haiku inspired by Mystery Science Theater 3000 and posted on the appropriately titled website mst3khaiku. I posted two more after the jump, but the site is brand new and there are only a total of five so far. I just thought I'd post it now and get it out of the way before the tip got buried under a wave of peener stretching spam mail other great tips and I forget about it.

Hit the jump for two more and another link to the website.

Continue Reading " YES!: Mystery Science Theater 3000 Haiku "

Mar 11 2010 Kids Complain About Pluto's Declassification

A bunch of children took the time to send letters to famed astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson complaining about Pluto's declassification as a planet. As you'll see, those little kids can get pretty vicious! And I'll tell you one thing -- I wouldn't want to meet any of them in a dark alley. BECAUSE I'M NOT A PEDERAST.

Hit the jump for a bunch more of worthwhile complaints.

Continue Reading " Kids Complain About Pluto's Declassification "

Mar 10 2010 What Happened To Bounty Hunting?: Bobba Fett Playing The Zelda Theme On Accordion

This is a video of once-renowned bounty hunter Boba Fett reduced to peddling Zelda tunes on the accordion for handouts. What happened Boba? And please don't say Dog. That guy couldn't catch a bounty if his mullet depended on it. And it probably does. Hair product doesn't grow on trees, you now! Jesus, It's not toothpaste.

Another worthwhile video of Boba playing some Indiana Jones and Saria's Song (Lost Woods theme) after the jump.

Continue Reading " What Happened To Bounty Hunting?: Bobba Fett Playing The Zelda Theme On Accordion "

Mar 10 2010 A Tool For Every Job: EZCracker Egg Cracker

Have trouble cracking eggs? You're special. Like special special. But thankfully there's the As Seen on TV EZCracker. The $15 pos can crack eggs to extract the whole egg or JUST THE WHITE! OMGWTFOMELETS?! But that's not all, folks, if you call in the next fifteen minutes our lovely operators will even give you their home telephone numbers! Haha, what do you mean I can't say that? Look -- behind you! *SLAP-CHOP*

Video of the commercial after the jump. Looks quality.

Continue Reading " A Tool For Every Job: EZCracker Egg Cracker "

Mar 10 2010 Clever, Very Clever: NES Game Harmonicas

I don't think I need to explain the cleverness behind these harmonicas, but in case there's anybody out there that isn't familiar with the NES and its intricacies, I'll copy/paste a quote here for you because I care am lazy.

If you grew up in the 80's and played video games, at one point in your childhood you had to blow on an NES cart, or inside the console itself, to get it to recognize a game...At this point it's almost become cliche to bring it up whenever the conversation turns to classic video games, but that didn't stop one clever modder from attempting to turn a profit on Nintendo's folly.

eBay seller nes_harmonica is the one behind the modding and currently has Super Mario 3, Legend of Zelda and Dick Tracy models for sale. But you know what he's not selling? Happiness. Because, I don't know if you knew this or not, but money can't buy happiness. But it will pay for booze and escorts, which is as close as you can get.

eBay
via
Clever Modder Hopes To Turn A Profit On An Old Nintendo Folly With Harmonica NES Carts [ohgizmo]

Thanks to cookies & cheese, who, no matter how hard I try, still doesn't sound very appetizing.

Mar 10 2010 No, Seriously: A Car That Runs On Coffee

This is a real car that runs on coffee. Like, for real, dude. You just drop in, and just smack the lip, WAH-BAP!, drop down, SAN-BAAAAHHH!! And then after that, you just drop in, just ride the barrel and get pitted, so pitted.

Nicknamed the Car-puccino, it has been created using a converted 1988 Volkswagen Scirocco bought for £400 and chosen for its resemblance to the time-travelling DeLorean in the movie Back To The Future.

The car will be driven the 210 miles between Manchester and London powered only by roasted coffee granules.

The team calculates the Carpuccino will do three miles per kilo of ground coffee - the equivalent of about 56 espressos per mile.

The journey will use about 70 kilos (154 lbs) of ground coffee which, at supermarket prices of between £13 and £26 a kilo depending on brand and quality, will cost....between 25 and 50 times the £36 cost of petrol for the journey.

You can click HERE to see an info-graphic on how the car works, but based on the efficiency, I'm afraid we're gonna have to go ahead and scratch coffee off the list of alternative fuels. Hey, it still gets me up and going in the morning though. But so do boner pills. Put a handful of those in your engine and internally combust 'em! You will be driving ALL. NIGHT. LONG. (Best performed with a passenger)

The cappuccino car that runs on coffee... so will you have to use the filter lane? [dailymail]

Thanks to Jeffrey and 23degrees, one of which is an acute angle, the other of which might be the dude.

Mar 10 2010 Can't You See I'm Busy?: God Of War 3 Ad

This is a new commercial for the much-anticipated God of War 3 that's dropping March 16th. It's pretty much the most realistic commercial I've ever seen and the scene will no doubt be replayed in hundreds of thousands of homes across the globe in a scant week. Isn't that right, honey? Honey?! What's up with the luggage?

Youtube

Thanks to Sherrie, whose gonna turn the tables on her boyfriend and play the hell outta some God of War.

Mar 10 2010 Powering On!: NYC's New Condom Wrapper

New York City ran a contest to design a new logo for the free condoms it distributes every year, and apparently some guy won by just using the 'power' symbol and not actually designing anything himself. Nice, you no talent hack.

The city's health department distributes 40 million free condoms every year. But the official design was less than stimulating. Enter the Web. An online contest for a special limited edition wrapper brought out the city's more dirty-minded designers and 15,000 people voted on the finalists.

The winning "power-on" logo was thought up by Luis Acosta, a designer from Queens.

Other entries in the condom contest were more suggestive. There was the image of a manhole. Another wrapper featured a subway train plunging into a dark tunnel.

Man I'd be pissed if I'd entered that contest and actually created something, then Luis comes along and wins with something he didn't even design. But that's the way life goes, you know? Constant disappointment and anger. Plus rage. Shit-ton of rage.

Official Condom Design: New York's New Sex Symbol [npr]

Thanks to Andrea, who came up with a really cool design of two skyscrapers making buttlove but didn't win because apparently all the really awesome designs were disqualified.

Mar 10 2010 WWJPEW?: Raygun Jesus Fish Car Decals

This is a raygun blaster car decal made using the traditional elements of the Jesus fish. They come in black and silver (picture of silver after the jump) and cost $5 shipped in the US, $6 internationally. It's just a spoof on the Jesus fish design and isn't intended to have any deeper, anti-religious meaning than that. But is that gonna stop you all from flame-warring it up in the comments? No, EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT WJWD. Now, let's Christian side-hug this thing out.

A shot of the silver and a link to the seller's Etsy page after the jump.

Continue Reading " WWJPEW?: Raygun Jesus Fish Car Decals "

Mar 9 2010 Follow The Sign!: How To Get To Hoboken

You gotta admit, that's a pretty clever Photoshop job. Granted not as clever as any of your ideas, but that's because you're so smart and creative and should probably be hired by some company and paid a million dollars a year just for thinking all day. Unfortunately, life isn't fair and neither am I at card games or "pick a number". 7? Nope, it was 2. Well, break's over -- it's back to Hot Topic for you, my friend.

Hoboken Exit Repurposed As Ryu Combo Guide [jalopnik]

Thanks to Ford, who can take pictures while driving because he's a car.

Mar 9 2010 What Kind Of Damage Would An Underwear Bomb Actually Do To A Flying 747 Jetliner?

Remember the jackass that tried exploding his little terrorist genitals onboard Northwest Flight 253 over Christmas? Well the BBC set out to investigate exactly what kind of damage a crotchful of PETN could actually do to a flying jetliner.

The BBC did a test on an old decomissioned 747, putting a dummy with the same type and amount of explosives found on the underwear bomber. As you can see in the above video, the flexibility of the outside of the frame allowed it to absorb the blast. If the bomb had gone off, the plane would have still been able to fly and land.

Of course, the damage inside the plane still would have been horrific. But it's nice to know that the trusty 747 can stand up to such abuse.

Oh man, had I been on that plane I would have put the hurt on that guy. I'm talking "make you wish pterodactyls had never invented flight in the first place" kind of hurt. I'm talking Prehistoric Hurt Locker. Oscar-winning tie-in FTW! Goldguy me, bitches.

Boeing 747 Survives a Simulated Underwear Bomb Blast [gizmodo] (with more info on why the test was legit despite the cabin not being pressurized)

Thanks to Suzanne and Archibold, for having two normal names for once. Except Archibold.

Mar 9 2010 'Tron Legacy' Trailer: Tron Has a Nice Couch

It's the Tron you've been asking for ever since you decided it was socially acceptable to start asking for a Tron: sleeker designs, motorcycles that can swerve, sexier Tronettes, nicer furniture... an albino Tron David Bowie/Jim Carrey's Riddler? YES:

Continue Reading "'Tron Legacy' Trailer: Tron Has a Nice Couch"

Mar 9 2010 Computer Finds New Life As Crappy Hookah

This is a hookah somebody made out of an old computer case. Why'd you want to do that is beyond me, but I've given up on understanding why people do things. Except peeing outside, I totally get that. It's like, you're one with Mother Nature, you know? Almost like she's holding it for you. Anyway, back to this Compukah thing. To me it really looks like a -- what's the word I'm looking for? Ah, thank you. Yes, a giant piece of shit.

YaHookah! The computer you can smoke [instructables]
via
DIY YaHookah! PC Mod: The Computer You Can Smoke [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Mary Jane, who, I see what you did there. You are a clever girl!

Mar 9 2010 Bones!: Awesome UV-Light Sensitive Tattoo

I've known UV light tattoos have existed for awhile, but I've never seen such good use of the idea until Matty posted this picture on Geekologie's Facebook page. So yeah, props to whoever this is having them go all the way to the fingernail, I'd figure that would hurt. Of course, I said the same thing about jumping in front of a bus to save an old lady group of elementary schoolchildren on a field-trip chaperoned by nuns. And kittens -- did I mention the kittens? Yeah, there was a whole basketful of really cute ones.

Geekologie's Facebook Page (join, it'll be just like we're childhood friends!)

Thanks to Matty, who's considering a UV tattoo because he knows his mom would kill him if got a visible one.

Mar 9 2010 That's Gross: Paint By Numbers Toilet Paper

"Color me up!" toilet paper serves as some sort of advertisement for some sort of company. I can't really read it, but their logo looks like a meditating Rasta. But that's not what's important, what's important IS YOU STAY BETWEEN THE LINES. Also, I think they could have included some green and black and yellow sections instead of making them all brown. Now, do your best and maybe mommy will hang one on the fridge.

Color By Numbers Toilet Paper [walyou]

Mar 9 2010 Lush!!: Professor X's Steampunk Wheelchair Has Functional Cranberry & Vodka Dispenser

Actually, it'll dispense any liquid, Daniel Valdez just fills it with cranberry and vodka because, hey, the man likes girly drinks. Me? I'll stick to bourbon and motor oil. Huh? NO I'M NOT A ROBOT YOU JACKASS. I just like the way it tastes. Plus it makes my pee thick and black!

The Steampunk Professor Xavier Wheelchair by Daniel Valdez was made from a Victorian rocker from 1875, a Permobil C300 powered wheelchair, some pistons from a steelworks, an Arduino-based audio kit, and a drinks dispenser. You know, for the vodka and cranberry juice.

There's a video after the jump that you really need to watch to fully appreciate the machine, along with a link to Daniel's Flickr with a ton more pics of him hanging out with the Victorian X-Men. I've got to admit he did a hell of a job, and I may or may yes be stealing it before Halloween. AND NONE OF THAT FUNNY TELEPATHIC BUSINESS EITHER. You think I won't break your arms too? I'll do it.

Hit the jump for one more shot, the video and another link to Daniel's Flickr gallery.

Continue Reading " Lush!!: Professor X's Steampunk Wheelchair Has Functional Cranberry & Vodka Dispenser "

Mar 9 2010 Videos Of Discovery's Special On Dino Sex

The question has long intrigued the smartest and most handsome of scientists (me, I'm talking about me): how did dinosaurs do it? If you answered "awkwardly", you're close, but the correct answer is awesomely. Plus accidentally in the butt sometimes! Anyway, you may recall the Discovery Channel running a special called Tyrannosaurus Sex on Valentine's Day last month. And, if you're like me, you recorded that shit and have watched it so many times you had to replace the hard disk in your DVR. If you're not like me, you went out with your significant other and undoubtedly had a far less romantic evening. Whatever the case, here are two videos from the show, the first of which explores the difficulties of Titanosaurs mating, and the second is all about dino genitalia. Which, SPOILER ALERT: like a raging telephone pole.

Hit it for the other video.

Continue Reading " Videos Of Discovery's Special On Dino Sex "

Mar 9 2010 Demon-Spawn, Burn It With Fire!: Woman Has 3-Inch Horn Growing Out Of Her Damn Head

Rouse the villages, tell them to bring torches!

A 101-year-old woman in China has baffled doctors after growing a huge goat-like horn on her forehead.

"[At first] we didn't pay too much attention to it," said Mrs Zhang's youngest son Zhang Guozheng.

Cutaneous horns are made up of keratin -- the protein found in fingernails -- and are typically seen in elderly people who have had prolonged exposure to sunlight.

"Now something is also growing on the right side of her forehead -- it's quite possible that it's another horn."

Dude if she grows a horn on the other side there's no way in hell(!) you can tell me she's not demon-spawn. Shoot, even with just the one I'm convinced. Now, start collecting dry branches.

Hit the jump for two more shots, at least of which kinda looks like a bad pickle.

Continue Reading " Demon-Spawn, Burn It With Fire!: Woman Has 3-Inch Horn Growing Out Of Her Damn Head "

Mar 9 2010 Want: LEGO Green Army Men A Real Product

LEGO and Pixar got together to release this green army men set in celebration of the upcoming Toy Story 3. They're just like the green army men you used to have checker wars with as a kid, except LEGO. What, no radio-pack guy?!

There's an important mission in Andy's bedroom - time to send in the green Army Men! Hopping along on their removable stands, these brave toy soldiers never leave a man behind. Good thing they've brought their Jeep, stretcher and all their equipment with them! Includes 4 minifigures.

The 90 piece set costs $11 and is sure to make any kid happy. Plus any adult who sold all their books to make room on the bookshelf for completed LEGO sets. WHICH ISN'T SOMETHING YOU LAUGH AT THE FIRST TIME YOU SEE A MAN'S BEDROOM. Or the second time. It's f***ing heartless.

Product Site (with other Toy Story LEGO products as well)
via
LEGO Toy Story Army Men Are a Surgical Strike of Nostalgia [gizmodo]

Thanks to ~Zak and Aisha, who are holding out for Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head sets.

Mar 9 2010 Study: Women Who Drink Are Less Likely To Gain Weight, More Likely To Gain Pregnancy

Sure you gain weight when you're pregnant, but you gotta work with me here. Also, the pregnancy thing wasn't actually proven in the study, it's just my own hypothesis. One that's 100% true. GW's Law of Knocking Up Drunk Womens.

The risk of becoming overweight or obese falls as alcohol consumption rises, even when factors such as smoking, fruit and vegetable consumption, and physical activity are taken into account, the study found.

Women who consumed between 1.5 and 3 drinks daily had a 27 percent and 61 percent lower risk of becoming overweight or obese, respectively, than women who didn't drink at all, according to the study, which was published in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

The study goes on to mention all the potentially negative effects that drinking can have, but women do love their skinny jeans. Fun fact: did you know I wear women's jeans because they flare below the knee the way I like and none of the guy's jeans do? It's true, I just hate the tiny front pockets. And I am NOT carrying a purse. I'll fannypack before I purse any day because, I don't know if you knew this about me or not, BUT I AM ALL MAN. Like a tiger that can get lions pregnant with its gaze alone and wears Bedazzled jeans.

Study: Women who drink are less likely to gain weight [cnn]

Thanks to Milkman, who -- you know, my son looks an awful lot like you.

Mar 8 2010 Cuuute: Squirrels Pretending To Be Astronauts

This is a pair of squirrels playing outerspace in the park with a couple of coconut helmets on their heads. YOU TWO ARE CRACKING MY SHIT UP!!

Miss Roberts, 46, leaves out two coconuts a week and suspends them on pieces of string from her washing line and watches her furry friends dig in.

She said: "The first time I saw them feeding I nearly died laughing, they looked like a pair of astronauts and even now I can not stop chuckling every time I see them.

"I make a large hole in the coconut so they can get to the flesh. They cannot get enough of them.

Is that not the cutest thing? Sure squirrels are glorified tree-rats and love to dive in front of my car, but they also play space. Now, are you thinking what I'm thinking? MAYBE PRIMATES AREN'T OUR CLOSEST RELATIVES AFTER ALL! Hello, operator? Get me the Smithsonian.

'Astro-squirrels' use coconut shells as helmets [telegraph]

Thanks Spikey DaPikey, bring two rolls of aluminum foil and we'll get this space party started right.

Mar 8 2010 LOLWUT?!: German 'Identify The LEGO Star Wars Minifig By Putting It In Your Mouth' Show

WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD DO NOT PUT LEGO PIECES IN YOUR MOUTH UNLESS YOU LOVE DELICIOUS THINGS.

This is a segment from some German variety show in which a unisexual teen identifies LEGO Star Wars minifigs be swishing them around in his/her mouth for a little while. Unfortunately, 4 out of 5 proper ID's isn't very good AND YOU WILL MAKE THE OLYMPIC MINIFIG IDENTIFICATION TEAM. Stick to Duplo, child!

Youtube

Thanks to meeotch, who can identify minifigs without ever seeing or touching them. It's called magic.

Mar 8 2010 YOU GOT NO CLASS!: Chrome Hummer H2

Put your hand down your pants. Now feel around. Realistically, how many of your penises would it take to fill a hotdog bun? Four or more you may need a chrome Hummer H2. And thankfully, Germany-based CFC (way to screw the ozone, jerks) has got you covered. In adhesive chrome film. Which, hey -- aluminum foil's cheaper.

The Weilheim-based CarFilmComponents (CFC) is offering a tuned-out version of the Hummer H2, done over in a not-so-subtle "burning chrome" lamination. Yes, the car is actually coated with an adhesive film.

The bonnet is covered in a black carbon film while the side and rear windows are draped with CutLine ThermoTec, one of the many registered trademark materials from CFC, that make them look an awful lot like conventional tinted windows.

Yeah, no. Don't get me wrong, I like car mods as much as the next import-lover, but I'm more of a rocket launchers and sawblade hubcaps kind of guy. Isn't that right, James? High double-oh-seven minus double-oh-two me!

Hit the jump for a bunch more shots, including the interior. Hey, at least there's a mini-fridge.

Continue Reading " YOU GOT NO CLASS!: Chrome Hummer H2 "

Mar 8 2010 Riiiiight: The Mac Power Supply Foot Warmer

The Sockintosh was knitted by needle wielding Rachel Burns (appropriate name) and is a unisock for your feet that has a pouch to put your Mac power supply in to keep your tootsies warm. Me? I use a dog.

"I knitted this Apple Mac foot cosy after realising I constantly used my power adapter to keep my feet warm. It has a slot to put your adapter in," Rachael writes on her YouTube page. She also warns: "This was knitted as a joke! Your power adapter should be kept very well ventilated for safety reasons. Dont set fire to yourself please."

Oh really, Rachel? If it was knitted as a joke THEN WHY AM I ON FIRE?! Riddle me that, will you? Also, what were the rules again for being on fire? Stop, gumdrop & troll? Stop, sweatshop & hellhole? Shit, I'm getting pretty burnt up. K, how about one of you just hose me?

Video of the burninator in action after the jump. SPOILER ALERT: Stop drop and crotchshot included. I'm serious.

Continue Reading " Riiiiight: The Mac Power Supply Foot Warmer "

Mar 8 2010 Mario And Luigi Venture Into Food Service

Not to start any wild speculation or anything, but I haven't heard from Toad in over a week and the mushrooms on Luigi's pizzas are f***ing huge. And delicious. 'But our princess is in another castle' this, you little fungus! OM NOM NOM NOM.

Google Maps

Thanks to Alex, who lives in the neighborhood and supports all Mario Bros. themed retailers.

Mar 8 2010 Surprisingly Okay: 'The New Dork' Song/Video

Last week it was 'The New Dork Anthem', and this week it's 'The New Dork', a spoof of Jay-Z and Alicia Key's 'Empire State of Mind' by pantless knights, the same makers as the 'I'm on a Mac' song and dance. It's an attempt at reclaiming the term "dork" and embracing a new, positive connotation. I don't know about all that but the song and video were both surprisingly well made. And I'm not just saying that because Geico guy there was smart enough to shoutout Geekologie at 0:50, but yes, yes I am. You scratch my back and I'll -- okay stop, you're making leg twitch. Red rocket -- RED ROCKET!!

Pantless Knights
via
New Dork State of Mind Video Lacks Funny [iphonesavior]

Thanks to Michael, April, Jake, Johanna and twangbanger, who, you just had to f*** up the normal name streak, didn't you, twang?

Mar 8 2010 Look Out -- Stereo-Vision Dino Comin' At You!!

Don't watch for too long or you will have a seizure. Or, oh I dunno, THE MOST INTENSE ORGANISM OF YOUR LIFE. What? No I don't reread things for grammatical errors. DAMMIT JIM I'M A SCIENTIST, NOT AN ENGLISH MAJOR.

Stereo Dino Optical Illusion [moillusions]

Thanks Vee, I love your mask. Especially the mustache.

Mar 8 2010 Whatever Happened To Equal Opportunities?

Apparently Castle Grayskull's gift shop is looking for a new cashier after Orko was caught stealing from the register. For shame, Orko, Prince Albert would not be happy. Oh did I say Albert? I meant Adam. No, no I didn't (I wanted to see you squirm thinking about a ring through your kazoo).

Equal Opportunity Fail or Job Win? [failblog]

Thanks to Nathan, who, dammit, the sign says long-haired freaky people need not apply!

Mar 8 2010 LEGO Star Wars Watches Coming Soon

What you're looking at is part of a new line of LEGO Star Wars watches that are dropping April 1st. Which, I know, is April Fools, but these products are real. Some styles are kids-size only but there are some adult sizes as well. $22 for kids, $30 for adults but the adult watches don't come with a complimentary minifig like the kid's ones. Why do they get toys and I don't?! That right there is some honky tonk bullshit. Oh -- oh -- TEMPER TANTRUM! Just try to put me in time-out, I dare you.

Product Site

Thanks to Miss LLil, who ordered one of each and is gonna wear them all up her arm like bagels. BANGLES. Like bangles.

Mar 7 2010 Writing With Equations: Inverse Graphing Calc

The Inverse Graphing Calculator takes typed words and converts them to the equivalent equations it would take to create them graphically. Hey, that's cool. Like a sorceress's areolas.

The Inverse Graphing Calculator (version beta-1) is like a backwards graphing calculator. Normally, you enter an equation into your calculator and then get a graph of the curve. The way the IGC works is, you type something you'd like as your curve, like 'Hello World' or 'I love you'. The IGC produces an *equation* which has this phrase as its graph!

I didn't bother graphing any part of the equation on my TI-83 (because I haven't used it since high school to play drug dealer), but I trust that it's not just a scam. Of course, there is the distinct possibility that it actually IS a scam and the creator is just waiting for the day somebody wants to see an equation of their bank account info. And on that day, oh boy, on that day.

Inverse Graphing Calculator [xamuel]

Thanks to Mih0, who only speaks math and works on rockets and stuff. I respect that.

Mar 7 2010 Shoot It Into My Mouth!: Bacon Model Rocket

This is a video of a couple jackasses shooting a model rocket made of meat. It was an interesting experiment from a purely scientific standpoint, but a terrible waste of resources. It does get funny at the end though because SPOILER ALERT: the rocket crashes through the kitchen window and sets off the smoke detector. Haha -- karma's a bitch, bacon-wasters!

Youtube
via
Bacon Rockets: How to Make Dead Pigs Fly [gizmodo]

Thanks to Chong, who, hey let me hit that.

Mar 7 2010 But Can You Make It Dance By Jiggling Your Arm?: Guy's Burlesque Stormtrooper Tattoo

Remember the Star Wars burlesque show that went down not too long ago? Well tattoo artist Bryce Nadeau was so impressed by the artistic expression he got his roommate drunk and tattooed him with a commemorative dancing stormtrooper. And that, my friends, is exactly why I'll never live with another tattoo artist. You know how much it costs to get a Bea Arthur portrait lasered off your buttcheeks? More than I had.

Sexy Stormtrooper Burlesque Dancer Immortalized In Tattoo Form [fashionablygeek]

Thanks to UWANTISHOULDCUTU, who suspects dude has pleasured himself to his own arm at least thrice.

Mar 7 2010 Oh, You Know, Just Playin' Muh Games

This is a little Mac vs. PC cartoon. It made me giggle. BUT LIKE A MAN. No -- like a pirate. YAR HAR HAR! But maybe you didn't like it. Maybe you laughed like a ninja.

Oh You Know [comixed]

Thanks to Nathan, who, PEW PEW PEW. Counter-Strike!

Mar 6 2010 My Favorite Things: OMG Make This Movie

This is a little 0:26 clip of a movie that should be made that includes two of my favorite things. Can you guess what they are before watching? I'd tell you what they are here but you're just gonna have to see for yourself. Because I don't ruin secrets. EXCEPT YOU WERE ADOPTED AND ARE ACTUALLY THE CHOSEN ONE! Kidding, kidding. You haven't been chosen for anything except last player in kickball.

Youtube

Thanks to StrangeQuark, fun to hang out with but less debonair than CharmQuark.

Mar 6 2010 AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH Forked Tongue Girl!!

Different strokes for different folks, you know? And, whether you actually like this mod or not, you've got to admit it's cooler than a harelip. And probably killer at you know what. You do know what I'm talking about, right? Tying cherry stems in knots, silly!

Forked tongue [bitsandpieces]

Thanks to GuamOtoko, who wants his tongue cut into chicken strips.

Mar 6 2010 Want To Lick!: Glacier Bleeds Primordial Ooze

This is a glacier "bleeding" delicious primordial ooze (high-res shot HERE) it picked up a couple million years ago. You all know what that means, don't you? I'm gonna chug a Big Gulp-full and turn into a ninja turtle!

Roughly 2 million years ago, the Taylor Glacier sealed beneath it a small body of water which contained an ancient community of microbes. Trapped below a thick layer of ice, they have remained there ever since, isolated inside a natural time capsule. Evolving independently of the rest of the living world, these microbes exist without heat, light, or oxygen, and are essentially the definition of "primordial ooze." The trapped lake has very high salinity and is rich in iron, which gives the waterfall its red color. A fissure in the glacier allows the subglacial lake to flow out, forming the falls without contaminating the ecosystem within.

Interesting. Tell me -- you think there's any dino-juice in there? Haha, what do you mean dinosaurs died out over 65 million years ago?

....THE EARTH'S THAT OLD?!

Antarctic Glacier Has Five-story Blood-red Waterfall of Primordial Ooze [good]

Thanks to Katie, who agrees we should freeze the stuff and sell it as ice cubes for people who want to morph into other things.

Mar 6 2010 A-Maze-ing!: Aspiral Clock Tells Time With Ball

The cleverly designed Aspiral Clock slowly rotates, moving a little ball further toward the center of the spiral and telling a fairly accurate time all the while. They're handmade in Britain and come in every color imaginable. Unfortunately, the cool comes at a cost. Namely, £350 (~$530). I'd rather just be late! Not that kind of late though. Ain't nobody putting a baby in this ass!

Hit the jump for more color options, a video and a link to the product site.

Continue Reading " A-Maze-ing!: Aspiral Clock Tells Time With Ball "

Mar 5 2010 Coffee Pictures: The Canon Zoom Thermos

This is a thermos designed to look like Canon's 70-200mm L-series zoom lens. I just bought 400 of them and am gonna sell them on eBay as the real thing. Because, let's be honest, I'm a sheister. THE MOST HANDSOME ONE EVER. You hear that, Ponzi? FACE!

Canon Zoom Lens Thermos [ohgizmo]

Mar 5 2010 Star Wars 'Force' Toy Hacked To Shock You

The nutjobs over at Harcos Labs (the purveyors of such fine energy concoctions as Blood Energy Potion and Mana Energy Potion) went and hacked one of the Star Wars Force Trainers to shock you if you don't keep your brain absolutely idle. PIECE OF CAKE! I haven't had a thought since -- shit, I don't think I've ever had a thought. AND THAT DOESN'T COUNT!

How We Made the Most Painful Toy Hack Ever [harcoslabs]

Thanks to nichire and Aaron, who take turns tasering each other because that's just good old fashioned fun. HIT ME AGAIN!

Mar 5 2010 Well It's About Frickin' Time: Commercial Jetpack Hitting The Market For $75,000

We've already heard about Martin's jetpack several times in the past, and now, finally, they're going into production -- and for $25K less than previously expected. Oh -- oh God -- JETBONER!

The Martin Aircraft Company jetpacks have about 200 HP coming out of their dual propellers. They can go up to 1.5 miles [high] in the air and reach speeds of 60 mph. They will aim to make about 500 packs a year.

These jetpacks were invented by Glenn Martin, who unveiled his prototype last year in July. This whole contraption weighs less than 254 lbs, so in the UK, you won't need a pilot's license to travel in it. It is capable of traveling 30 miles with a full tank of fuel.

OMG I'm finally gonna fly! Probably straight into power lines, BUT THAT'S A RISK YOU TAKE WHEN YOU'RE A MODERN AMELIA EARHART. So, what will you all pay me $75K to do? I'll do anything. Except that. Or that. Ooooooor that. Jesus you people are sick. I'm digging it. No, no I'm not, but I am filing a restraining order.

Hit the jump for one more shot and a video demonstration.

Continue Reading " Well It's About Frickin' Time: Commercial Jetpack Hitting The Market For $75,000 "

Mar 5 2010 I Apologize To No Computer! Ctrl + Z Cards

These Ctrl + Z cards let a computer savvy recipient know you wish you could undo a particular operation. Probably not a bra strap either, although you're welcome to try. Just don't come crying to me when you get your face Ctrl + P'd with an open palm. Kidding, I'm here for you. Yesterday. I'm here for you yesterday. Call me when you invent a time machine.

The ultimate "I'm sorry" card? Yes! [myextralife]

Thanks to Lisa, who sends anthrax-laced delete cards.

Mar 5 2010 Star Wars Music Video For Ke$ha's 'Tik Tok'

I have no idea what a Ke$ha is, but apparently it makes Ke$hitty-ass music. Whatever the case, this is a Star Wars themed music video for its song 'Tik Tok'. The video is actually pretty awesome, but I watched it with no audio because I didn't want to gouge my ears out with a baseball bat. But, for the sake of investigative journalism, I'll give it a listen....

Er'erybody gettin' crunk, crunk
Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk

....SOMEBODY'S GOT A NEW FAVORITE SONG!

Youtube

Thanks to Vane$$a, who's twice the monetary symbol Ke$ha will ever be.

Mar 5 2010 Dinosaurs Were Wiped Out By An Asteroid

I didn't even know there was a debate but apparently some scientists were convinced dinosaurs were killed by volcanic activity and not an asteroid. Those are the dumb scientists.

Scientific opinion was split over whether the extinction was caused by an asteroid or by volcanic activity in the Deccan Traps in what is now India, where there were a series of super volcanic eruptions that lasted around 1.5 million years.

The new study, conducted by scientists from Europe, the United States, Mexico, Canada and Japan and published in the journal Science, found that a 15-kilometre (9 miles) wide asteroid slamming into Earth at Chicxulub in what is now Mexico was the culprit.

The asteroid is thought to have hit Earth with a force a billion times more powerful than the atomic bomb

A billion atomic bombs? Pfft, that's nothing. One time I put eight atomic fireballs in my mouth at the same time and kept them there until they weren't hot anymore. This was on the schoolbus. Two kids were so impressed they gave me their milk money.

It's official: An asteroid wiped out the dinosaurs [yahoonews]

Thanks to ech0z, SmokieMcD, Drewblu, Lunarion, Victor, Rocketboy Gid, Johnny and Grace, who GOD WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN THE PRIMATES?!

Mar 5 2010 Of Course He Did: Unknown Chinese Author Actually Wrote 'Avatar', Suing James Cameron

Ever heard of Zhou Shaomou? Me neither, but he claims he wrote 'Tale Of The Blue Crows' in 1997 and is convinced Michael Bay James Cameron stole the premise of his novel for Avatar. He's wants to sue for a cool $162 million. Good luck with that.

The book centres around a group of explorers who travel to a distant planet inhabited by blue-skinned beings, he said.

"I wrote in my novel that their space journey took them six years but in Cameron's movie the journey takes them five years nine months and 22 days," he said.

"I was shocked when I first saw that -- it is too close."

ROFLWAFFLES! That's your basis for suing? Because if so Jules Verne owes me for a little something I penned called 'Circumnavigating The Planet In Two And A Half Months'. Haha, what do you mean Jules Verne died before I was even born? DON'T MAKE ME GO ALL '60,000 MILES BENEATH THE OCEAN' ON YOUR ASS.

Author to sue James Cameron over Avatar [9news]

Thanks to Grace, who wrote Titanic except instead of hitting an iceberg the ship was attacked by the Kraken.

Mar 5 2010 Magic!: Turning Your Arm Into A Touchscreen

This is a video showing how, by mapping the sound your arm makes when you tap it with a finger, you can turn your whole arm into a touchscreen. A long, hairy touchscreen.

We present Skinput, a technology that appropriates the human body for acoustic transmission, allowing the skin to be used as a finger input surface. In particular, we resolve the location of finger taps on the arm and hand by analyzing mechanical vibrations that propagate through the body. We collect these signals using a novel array of sensors worn as an armband. This approach provides an always-available, naturally-portable, and on-body interactive surface. To illustrate the potential of our approach, we developed several proof-of-concept applications on top of our sensing and classification system.

It's actually pretty neat, especially the phone on the palm your hand part. Now all you need is a speaker and mic implanted and you're good to go-go-gadget call Domino's. Speaking of which -- how is their new recipe? Because one person told me it was good but somebody else said it was like licking a cat's asshole. Which, BTDT, got the shirt, know what I'm sayin'?

Skinput: because touchscreens never felt right anyway [engadget]

Thanks to Blaqk Panda and eileen, who got pissed and tore their own arms off because the navigational menu was too confusing.

Mar 5 2010 Secret McDonald's Menu Items: The Mc10:35

The Mc10:35 isn't actually a secret McDonald's menu item because you have to buy two separate sandwiches and put them together yourself. However, it is rare and dangerously delicious looking.

I heard about this from a cashier at one of the local McDonald's. He said it's getting kind of a cult following in San Francisco.

1. Go to McD's right when they are transitioning from breakfast to lunch.

2. Order one of the remaining Egg McMuffins from the breakfast menu and also order a McDouble since the lunch menu is now open.

3. Take the egg and Canadian bacon from the Egg McMuffin and put it on the McDouble.

The guy at the register said people call it a Mc10:35 because that's pretty much the only time you can pull this off.

They're damn good when hungover!

You know what else is damn good when hungover? A bacon and aspirin omelet. Also, puking helps sometimes but not at church and NOT IN THE COLLECTIONS BASKET. Confession that week was a little awkward.

Check Out The Secret McMenu Item That's Sweeping SF, The Mc10:35 [consumerist]

Thanks to Chris Illuminati and Ed, one of which rules the world, the other's cool with just a really short name.

Mar 5 2010 Sounds Legit To Me: Bottled Ghosts For Sale

I don't really know what the laws are on buying and selling ghosts, but if they're anything like the ones for slaves, you're not supposed to do it. You have been warned.

Captured ghosts from our house

Captured by an exorsist from a spiritualist church

one spirit we believe is a man by the name of Les Graham, managed to track down a photo. He died in the house in the 1920's.
Exorsist believes this spirit likes to make himself known and spook people. but he is not a very strong spirit.

The other spirit came from when me and my partner stupidly did an Oujia Board. We believe it is a little girl who likes to move things and turn things on and off. Exorsist says she is VERY strong and if left will get stronger.

We have had no activity since they were bottled on July 15th 2009 . So i believe they are in the bottles.

They are bottled with holy water as aparantly the water dulls the spirits energy, sort of puts them to sleep.

To revive the spirit, i have been told that you pour into a little dish and let it evaporate into your house.

That all sounded good except for the Oujia board part. Oh, and the "pour the ghosts into a dish and let them evaporate into your house" bit. GHOSTS ARE NOT SCENTED OILS, GOD! Back me up here, Dr. Venkman. Also, why the hell is bidding at $2,000? Wait just a minute!

FOR SALE: Ghost of a woman from Starbucks who had her laptop speakers up too loud. Also likes to take calls with no consideration for those around her. Currently captured in a frappuccino cup but will transfer to a Snapple bottle for security purposes. Asking $500 or car stereo.

Auction Site

Thanks to Asbo and dilf, who ain't afraid of no ghost but heights make them cry and wet themselves.

Mar 4 2010 You Did It Wrong: Binary License Plate Fail

Maryland driver and Twitter user Tamast ordered a custom license plate on the DMV website, which was to read '42' (the meaning of life) in binary code. Only problem is, the I's print differently than they look on screen. Per the road rager himself:

well, these plates don't look like the preview! having "42″ in binary is cool. having "IOIOIO" is not.

Oh, come on TaTas, I still think it's pretty cool. Granted not as cool as this new card trick I just mastered, but is THIS your card?! No? F***. Okay who wants to see me cut the IWatchStuff guy in half?

Tamast's Twitter
via
Binary Vanity Plate Fail [albotas]

Thanks to GuamOtoko, who got '1 BAMF' on his plate and rightfully so.

Mar 4 2010 WTF Did I Just Watch?: Predator Dance Video

Remember when you were a kid and you'd watch those aerobics shows that came on the morning to see the instructor bend over in tights? Me neither *wink* but this is a bunch of Predators dancing around in what I can only assume is some sort of f***ed up mating ritual. Hey, still beats taking a girl out to dinner and convincing her you're a doctor.

Lionel Douglass -AKA- Big "D" is a member of the original Don Campbellock dance group the "Lockers" He is also the creator of this dance act and one of the Predators of this number. Lionel Douglass -AKA- Big "D" will be the last one dancing doing the "Alpha".

Yes that is Danny Glover in the video.

Danny Glover, no way! I loved you in the Lethal Weapon series! Tell me, how was working with Mel "Sugartits" Gibson. So, be honest -- did he ever call you anything funny? Saltballs? Pepperpeener?

Youtube

Thanks to Keryn, who kept waiting for them to do the electric slide but they never did because it's a known fact Predators can't slide for shit.

Mar 4 2010 WANT: The World's Most Confusing Bookbag

This bookbag is so full of win the only way it could be any more so is if it came stuffed with airplane bottles. Or liquor-filled juiceboxes, if you're underage.

OBAMA/SONIC/POTTER 2010 BABY!

....Wait, what?

Picture

Thanks to Julian, who wears one on each arm and is the coolest kid at school.

Mar 4 2010 Dancin' To Death Darth: The Vader Disco Ball

Darth Vader, best known for having his mask removed by his son in Return of the Jedi and looking like a horribly peeled hard-boiled egg underneath, is now a disco ball. Well, his mask is anyway. Spotted at an unknown club, Darth will have you shaking your money-maker quicker than you can ask why, despite there being tons of people around, you always find yourself dancing Han Solo. Hint: It's because you're the world's galaxy's worst dancer. It's true, one time I even tried bribing Chewie to dance with you and he just grunted and put his head back under the Jäger machine.

the darth vader disco ball: dancin' to the dark side [technabob]

Mar 4 2010 Cleaning With Bacteria: Petri Dish Soaps

Etsy seller Cleaner Science (bonus points for a clever name!) makes soaps that look like bacteria growing in petri dishes. They sell for between $2.75 and $12 depending on the size, glow-in-the-dark capabilities, and whether they're on a rope (highly recommended for prison use). Plus they come in a variety of scents that will leave your ass smelling grapefruity fresh. Which, fun fact: did you know a twerp is a person who inserts false teeth between their buttcheeks with the intention of biting the buttons out of the backseats of taxis? It's true. And snarfs sniff bicycle seats.

Cleaner Science's Etsy Shop

Thanks to Kerrie, who doesn't have to use soap because she naturally smells like lilacs but does anyways because she doesn't want to anybody to discover her superpower.

Mar 4 2010 I'm Suing, My Neck Hurts: Roller Coaster Hits 60 MPH In 1.8 Seconds, 120 MPH In 2.8 Secs

Apparently the Top Thrill Dragster roller coaster has existed at CedarPoint amusement park (Sandusky, OH) since 2003, and you all know what that means: it's just about time for me to get around to posting it! Anyway, this is a point-of-view video showing the acceleration (NSFW link) to 120 MPH in just under three seconds. WHEE! And by 'WHEE!' I mean 'BLAAAAH!' and sorry to everyone sitting behind me. You know I can't resist amusement park hotdogs!

Youtube
and
Dragster roller coaster goes 0 to 120mph in 2.8 seconds [dvice]

Thanks to Blaqk Panda, who really did get sick on a roller coaster once and ruined a family's Disney vacation.

Mar 4 2010 Genius (But Dishonest): Scoring A Cheap iPod

Clever, but i would have also torn off the top half of the green sign and penciled in 'For a Good Time'. No iPod AND solicitations for sexual favors -- you'll think twice before losing something else, Caroline!

Coffee Break [thehighdefinite]

Thanks to GuamOtoko, who may or may not post fake 'LOST DOG' signs. Now that's just sick.

Mar 4 2010 Video Game Characters' Twitter Accounts

This is a little gallery of video game characters' Twitter accounts (with chirps posted in reverse order for ease of readability). As you'll see, they pretty much do exactly what you'd expect. The only thing that actually caught me by surprise is the fact that Link's handle is '1indapink2indalink'. WHAT'S THAT EVEN MEAN?! WHAT?! SHUT UP -- PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING! That poor Zelda.

Hit it for four others.

Continue Reading " Video Game Characters' Twitter Accounts "

Mar 4 2010 Epic LEGO Star Wars Lightsaber Battle

This is a very well made LEGO stop motion video that features your recommended daily allowance of not only plastic, but also lightsaber battles (a full 120%). You're gonna grow up strong and healthy after all! And to think your mom was convinced you were gonna be a runt! (She still is, don't tell her I told you).

Youtube

Thanks to Nabii, meeotch, mike469x and David B., who all take Geekologie ocularly to get their daily dosage of awesome.

Mar 4 2010 Snowman SnowMario: Geekologie Reader Makes Snowman Of Mario In Penguin Suit

With all the snow that's been falling recently, it's always fun to get out there and do something with it. Me? I write my name in it. WITH THE BLOOD OF MY FALLEN ENEMIES! Kidding, with bottled urine. But Geekologie Reader Magefire took the opportunity to create a penguin-suited Mario from the New Super Mario Bros Wii. Good lookin', Magefire, I'd say he's one tophat short of coming alive and shooting snowballs. Just don't go dressing like a goomba *cough* Jersey Shore *cough*. Go-go-gadget propeller helmet!

Hit the jump for one more shot.

Continue Reading " Snowman SnowMario: Geekologie Reader Makes Snowman Of Mario In Penguin Suit "

Mar 3 2010 What, No Helmet?: Awesome Lil Girl As Voltron

This is a little Asian girl dressed as Voltron in what may or may yes be a mall's food court. And as much as I despise robots (particularly ones that join together to form larger, even more menacing robots), I'll admit you really can't help but love her. Ha, I said you -- I still hate her. Just kidding little girl! (Please don't Voltron-sword me in the face)

voltron girl [angryasianman]

Thanks to Ryan and Mustang Sanford, who know I don't really hate the little girl. It's her parents.

Mar 3 2010 The American Map Of Burger Domination

This is a map showing which fast food chain rules a particular area of the United States, except it's barely legible so click THIS PINK BUTTON RIGHT HERE to see the full-size version. Basically, McDonald's rules the entire US except for Texas, which is owned by Sonic and looks like a spilled milkshake. DAMN YEAH MINE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE RANCH!

Infographic: The Burger Wars [gizmodo]

Thanks to Closet Nerd and Flintstone Vitamins, only one of which helped me grow up strong. I owe you, Closet Nerd.

Mar 3 2010 Apple Commercial In Style Of Old Spice Ads

This is a parody of the Old Spice commercials that are all the rage on your fancy moving-picture box these days (posted one after the jump for those of you who haven't seen them), except it's for Apple products. Only problem is, it didn't make me laugh like the originals. Those things are funny as shit! Shit on fire that you're stomping out with your best dress socks on. I'M TALKING ROFLQUALITY. No I'm not. Dude is dead-ass sexy though.. And speaking of dead asses, go ahead -- pinch it. Can't feel a thing. (Yes I can too and I'm loving every second of it!)

Hit the jump for the original Old Spice ad if you haven't seen it.

Continue Reading " Apple Commercial In Style Of Old Spice Ads "

Mar 3 2010 Brings A Tear To My Eye: Three Guys Create 100,000 Keystroke Move-By-Move Script So A Blind Gamer Can Beat Ocarina Of Time

Jordan Verner is blind. And he posted a few videos of himself playing through parts of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on Youtube. But he wanted more, he wanted to beat the whole game. Thankfully, Roy Williams saw his videos.

Through Skype, Jordan said he asked for help in completing the entire game -- help that he didn't seriously expect.

So Williams and thee other diehard gamers each took different parts and copied down every single move. "Every time we make a move, we roll, jump, do anything, we type down on the computer exactly what we're doing," said Williams.

Verner would then take the script and have his computer read it to him as he played.

An average gamer will take about a week to play through the entire thing, but this project took almost 2 years and more than 100,000 keystrokes. Finally, Jordan beat the entire thing.

"I felt great," said Jordan. "I felt strong. I felt like the sky's the limit."

"Our school's motto -- and I live by it -- is the impossible is only the untried," said Jordan.

First of all, HOW THE F*** DID YOU GET PAST THE WATER TEMPLE?! And secondly, is that not the most beautiful thing you've ever heard? Because it is to me and I've heard angels sing 'Alice's Restaurant' with full orchestration and five-part harmony and stuff like that.

Hit the jump for a worthwhile video news report about the project.

Continue Reading " Brings A Tear To My Eye: Three Guys Create 100,000 Keystroke Move-By-Move Script So A Blind Gamer Can Beat Ocarina Of Time "

Mar 3 2010 The BK Noah's Ark: Two Of Every Kind Of Patty From Burger King (Plus Bacon Strips!)

You won't actually find the Noah's Ark burger on any BK menu, but only because the king must have a thing against deliciousness. Or, I dunno, 10,000 calorie menu items. Whatever the case, the Noah's Ark burger consists of two of every kind of patty BK has to offer: beef, veggie, chicken and fish, plus bacon. Can you say dangerously delicious?! I can, it's spelled H-E-A-R-T A-T-T-A-C-K. Gotdamn I want one. But with more cheese. CHEESE NOAH NEEDS MORE CHEESE!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots (including the receipt with requisite diet soda), a video of a guy pounding the thing, and a link to even more pics of the Biblical-ness.

Continue Reading " The BK Noah's Ark: Two Of Every Kind Of Patty From Burger King (Plus Bacon Strips!) "

Mar 3 2010 Uh-Huh: Darth Vader Riding A Cat Into Battle

Damnit, Darth, you're terrorizing the entire house. I swear, where's Luke riding a teacup pig when you need him? Haha, what do you mean he's in his room with Leia and the door's locked? Doesn't he know? No?! Holy shit this is gonna be hilarious! But first: I need for you to order one of those fake "always positive" pregnancy tests.

Picture

Thanks to sham, who will always be a sham-wow in my book.

Mar 3 2010 Oh There You Are!: Porn Detecting USB Stick

The Porn Detection Stick may look like an ordinary USB drive with "Porn Detection Stick" printed on the side, but it's not! Wait, maybe it is. *reading* No, no it's not.

Described as a "robust illicit image detection device designed to protect your family, business or organization," the Porn Detection Stick is a USB drive you plug into your computer to hunt down dirty files -- specifically, images, and it even claims to go after ones you've deleted. The Stick apparently makes its job harder than just immediately popping up and say, "Yep, there's pornography here!" by instead scanning your photos for telltale signs of naughtiness such as exposed flesh, suggestive curvature and "body part separation."

Thankfully, the device only works for images, so saucy Excel spreadsheets are still a go. Isn't that right, you naughty little cells? OMG, OMG -- PIE CHAAAAAAART!

Product Site
via
Porn Detection Stick roots out naughty files, even deleted ones [dvice]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who doesn't find porn, porn finds him.

Mar 3 2010 Geekologie Reader's Ultra Slow-Motion Video, 'Pink Terror', With Stephen Hawking Audio!

Because I'm just so damn proud of what you Geekologie Readers can accomplish when you stop posting 'FIRST!' in the comments and actually put your mind to something, this is an awesome slow-motion video created by Geekologie loyalist Mike. Mike, you know I'm a sucker for destroying things!

love geekologie, super loyal follower! wanted to send you links to an art video i just finished called Pink Terror. I shot it on a phantom camera at a very high speed rate, 1800 frames per second.

And they say art is dead. Pfft, you showed them. Honestly, that was beautiful. And the Hawking dialogue was perfect. I'm just so proud. *sniff* Excuse me, I'm getting a little choked up. I'm serious -- granola bar. Somebody kick me in the nads, STAT!

Youtube
and
Vimeo

Thanks to mike, for restoring my faith in Geekologie Readers.

Mar 3 2010 Topeka, Kansas Renamed Google, Kansas In Bid For Google's Fiber Optic Test Market

Topeka, Kansas, best known for renaming itself Google this week in a bid to be Google's fiber optic network test market, renamed itself Google this week in a bid to be Google's fiber optic test market.

In a formal proclamation Monday, [Mayor Bill] Bunten announced his city will be known as "Google" -- Google, Kansas.

"It's just fun. We're having a good time of it," he said of the unofficial name change, which will last through the end of March. "There's a lot of good things that are going on in our city."

The unusual move comes as several U.S. cities elbow for a spot in Google's new "Fiber for Communities" program. The Web giant is going to install new Internet connections in unannounced locations, giving those communities Internet speeds 100 times faster than those elsewhere, with data transfer rates faster than 1 gigabit per second.

Way to put yourself on the map, Topeka. Which, fun fact: did you know Topeka means "to dig good potatoes" in the language of the Kansa and Ioway Native American tribes? Now guess where Kansas and Iowa got their names. I'm learning you all kinda shit today!

Topeka 'renames' itself 'Google, Kansas' [cnn]

Thanks to Greg, Shea, Fally and Wesley J, who should just cut the crap and rename themselves Awesome.

Mar 3 2010 LOLWUT?: Spankable Ketchup Bottle Bottoms

Dressing for Pleasure is an online BSDM and other fetishwear supplier that I 100% do not buy adult-sized diapers from. I'm serious, I don't. The whole dressing like a baby thing freaks me out (ahem, Japan). Anyway, DFP decided to advertise their whips and gimp masks on ketchup bottles, encouraging bar patrons to spank the hell out of the bottoms. Clever, but I'll still gonna dig around in there with a french fry to really get the ketchup flowing. And no, that wasn't a sexual euphemism. Yes, yes it was. A BRILLIANT ONE I MIGHT ADD.

Picture (with a couple more butts if you're interested)

Thanks to Trevor, who one spanked a bottle so hard the mustard got scared and threw itself off the table.

Mar 2 2010 You're Eating His Brain!: Shiny R2-D2 Cake

In this world there are cakes, and then there are cakes. This is one of the latter. Mostly because it's all glittery. You see, I love glittery things -- in my mouth! Haha, not you, Edward -- nice try though. F***ing skeeze.

Nothing says happy birthday like a good old fashion droid head on a platter ;)

Collaborative effort with my other friend for ~Jasmeralda's birthday. I'm glad she talked me into the fondant, I was a little hesitant at first, but it came out nice and without too terribly much fuss.

Metallic shine is edible glitter, silver 'eye' pieces I sculpted out of marzipan and my friend covered with the glitter. Big box/lens is painted box (painted by her roommate) with plastic painted package piece to make the lens. Light is chopped off ring from party supply store. I added blue food coloring to the yellow part of the cake so his inside was themed, too ;)

Fondantastic! You know, I've been preaching the benefits of a metallic diet for years now but everyone just looks at me like I'm crazy and asks if I'm really eating fishing weights. You're gotdamn right I am! Brain food.

GoblinQueeen's DeviantART

Thanks to sham, who wouldn't hesitate to eat some C-3PO brain because dude suuuuucks.

Mar 2 2010 New 'Prince of Persia' Trailer: Give This Guy the Dagger, Already!