Feb 28 2010 Not The Worst Thing I've Heard: Dork Anthem

This is a song called 'The Dork Anthem' by two cats named Dave and Brian. Personally, I find the term dork offensive, but that's just me and I'm official the judge of these things. Geek, sure, but dork? That's derogatory. Like not calling me by my proper title: Geekologie Writer, The Handsome Well Endowed.

Youtube

Thanks to Rusco, who throws geek parties all the time and sleeps with lots of women. Unless he's married or has a girlfriend, in which case he doesn't. ;) (Your secret's safe me with me)

Feb 28 2010 DO NOT WANT: Scrap Metal Alien Queen

This is a giant Alien queen statue made out of scrap metal. She's scary as hell and will give you the worst kind of STD if you try making love to her: penis tetanus. NO LOCKBALLS FOR ME THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

The recycled sculpture is an assembly of over 4000 individual parts, who prior to being consolidated into this sculpture where constituent elements of automobiles, boats, televisions and basically anything that had steel worth recycling and weighing in at 550kg (1,210 lbs) and standing tall at 2.4m (7'10") this alien queen will definitely make her presence felt anywhere she goes.

With all this intricate detailing and ingenuity put into this design it's no surprise that the sculpture sells for €4500 (~$6,100), which is pretty reasonable for a work of art of this calibour.

You know what -- maybe I was being too harsh. I think I'll take the scrap queen out for a date after all. STRAIGHT TO THE RECYCLING CENTER! You gonna make me rich, queeny!

Hit the jump for several more of the no thank you.

Continue Reading " DO NOT WANT: Scrap Metal Alien Queen "

Feb 28 2010 Not Necessary: Cat Hammock Coffee Table

The Cat Hammock Coffee Table was created by Case-Real and is a glass-topped magazine receptacle with a wicker-ish hammock for your feline companions beneath. It's cool, but your cat would be just as happy sleeping under any coffee table. Or in an empty soda box.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the hammock in use.

Continue Reading " Not Necessary: Cat Hammock Coffee Table "

Feb 28 2010 Whipped Lightning: Alcoholic Whipped Cream

Alcohol and whippits in the same container? WHAT IS IT, MY BIRTHDAY?! (It's not, but it actually is The Superficial Writer's -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) That's right folks, Whipped Lightning brand Whipahol combines the creamy goodness of whipped spunk with the intoxicating effects of booze with the WAH-WAH-WAWESOMENESS of nitrous oxide. Jesus loves us after all! Now let's all get naked, hold hands and sing Kumbaya (I dropped acid too just to be on the safe side).

Official Site

Thanks to Garrett, who knows you don't need alcohol-infused whipped cream to the the life of a party. Just no pants and a lampshade on your head. Classic!

Feb 27 2010 Old: Legend Of Zelda Dance-Fest Commercial

I remember seeing this video (the original Japanese commercial for The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past) a long time ago, and you're probably gonna yell at me because you sent it to me years ago, but you know what? I'm not gonna let it get to me. You can't make me feel bad. But you can make me a sandwich. And you know what? YOU'RE GOING TO. Triangle cut, no crust, no pubes.

Youtube
via
Zelda dance [wtfjapanseriously]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey and Dan, who actually perform that dance at clubs and impress all the womens.

Feb 27 2010 A Trophy You Can Eat: The Bacon Lombardi

Sure the Superbowl has come and gone, but the Saints beat the shit out of the Colts, did they not? WHO DAT?! It's me, silly -- the GW!

That masterpiece of culinary greatness (and bacon) is called the Bacon Lombardi Trophy, or Bacombardi Trophy for short, and thanks to a great find from our friends over at BBQ Addicts blog, we now know what a Super Bowl trophy made entirely out of bacon looks like.

According to their post, this monstrosity of bacon madness was created by Ben "Sweet Lou" Krout, and naturally, it was made for their recent Super Bowl party. All I can say after seeing the pictures is "Damn, that is beautiful."

Damn, that is beautiful. But what I want to know is what the actual armature is made of. Pound cake? Corn dogs? Because I could seriously f*** with some corn dogs right now.

The Bacon Lombardi Trophy is God-Like [internationalfoul]

Thanks to Doug, who once baked and ate a Stahamley Cup. GOAL!

Feb 27 2010 Bioshock 2 Subject Delta Chainsaw Sculpture

This is a video of a guy carving the original Big Daddy prototype out of wood. With a chainsaw. Which brings up an interesting question: how do you carve Subject Delta out of a tree? Shave away everything that doesn't look like a Big Daddy. HAHA! God I slay me.

Youtube

Thanks to rick, draw and jawn, who once carved a Big Sister out of granite and all copped feels.

Feb 27 2010 15-Year Old's Impressive Stargate Diorama

This is 15-year old Sven Junga's (awesome name!) Stargate diorama, including a LEGO Daedalus from Stargate Atlantis. It is most impressive, as are the other LEGO models in his Flickr gallery. And he's only 15. I was still wearing Velcro shoes and licking the bus window!

Hit the jump for several other shots of the ship, and be sure to check out Sven's Flickr gallery for other LEGO mastery.

Continue Reading " 15-Year Old's Impressive Stargate Diorama "

Feb 26 2010 Impressive: Building A Silent Helicopter Blade

Helicopters are loud as shit and a lot of times I have to cover my ears with my hands on the helipad waiting for my pilot to bring the bird down. It gets annoying, especially when you've got two briefcases full of gold bullion handcuffed to your wrists, WHICH I ALWAYS DO.

Helicopters make a lot of noise because of a physical phenomenon called blade-vortex interaction.

The new blade shape is combined with another technology called Blue Pulse, which adds three flaps to the edge of the rotor blades. These flaps move up and down at 15 to 40 times per second, using piezoelectric motors that also help to reduce the blade-vortex interaction.

Well I think I speak for all private-helicopter owners when I say, "IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!" Do you know what this means? It means I'll be hovering silently outside your bedroom window in no time! Now, change into your PJ's. DOOOO IT!

Hit the jump for a video comparison of the two different blades in action.

Continue Reading " Impressive: Building A Silent Helicopter Blade "

Feb 26 2010 Robin William Talking About Gaming And Naming His Daughter After Princess Zelda PLUS VERY, VERY SPECIAL BONUS!!

NOTE: Video AFTER THE JUMP is NSFW due to thong. I told you it was a special bonus -- AND I DON'T LIE!

This is a video of Robin Williams on 'Late Night with Jimmy Fallon' talking about getting "OWNED" by 10 year-olds playing Call of Duty and naming his daughter after Princess Zelda. Respect (I loved you in Mrs. Doubtfire!). And, since it's Friday (and I feel kinda bad about the Lara Croft thing), I included a video of a girl in a thong crushing a watermelon between her thighs that I found on the same site after watching the Robin Williams video. The sound alone was enough to give me the chills. Just like fingernails on a chalkboard, except a woman crushing a melon with her hooha.

Hit it for the watermelon crushing fright-fest.

Continue Reading " Robin William Talking About Gaming And Naming His Daughter After Princess Zelda PLUS VERY, VERY SPECIAL BONUS!! "

Feb 26 2010 New English Road Named After Lara Croft

Lara Croft (seen here) is best known for raiding tombs and being the relic hunting alter-ego of Angelina Jolie. And now, the town of her origin is honoring her with a road, Lara Croft Way. Hey, that's cool, but I've had a road named after me for years. GW Parkway, anybody? High-five, DC peeps!

The Tomb Raider babe, played by Angelina Jolie in movie adaptations of the hit games, was created by Derby-based Core Design in the mid-1990s.

Bosses at the city's council today announced their new £36million ring road will be called Lara Croft Way following a public vote.

Nearly 28,000 people took part in the online poll, and Lara Croft emerged the clear winner -- with 89 per cent of the vote.

Congratulations, Lara, I'd drive on you. IN MY MONSTER TRUCK! I am gonna f*** your roadsigns up!

Lara Croft is curvy new road [thesun]
and
Picture

Thanks to Littlezan and Add still loves Elmo, who both have roads named after them because they are practically celebrities scammed the Make A Wish Foundation growing up.

Feb 26 2010 The Cutest Lil Dino Models You Ever Did See!

Tinysaurs are little dinosaur models created by artist Kelly Farrell. They're cute as hell and you better believe I'm gonna catch 'em all. Then lacquer them and carry them around in my pocket. ZOMG -- I hope they nibble holes in my underwear!

Each one is laser cut out of oak tag board using a 35 watt cutting laser, and pre-perfed for (relatively) easy assembly - assuming you've got some really steady hands.

The T-Rex, triceraptops, stegosaurus and woolly mammoth kits are all available over at Kelly's Etsy shop, the Maker's Market, or Everything Tiny and cost just $7 (USD) unassembled, and $16 with a pair of tweezers and glue in a handy gift tin.

If you're a complete lazy-ass with no hand-eye coordination Kelly is also selling pre-assembled dinos in a little glass case for $60. I don't recommend those. You get no street-cred for buying things preassembled.

Hit the jump for several more pics of the possibilities!

Continue Reading " The Cutest Lil Dino Models You Ever Did See! "

Feb 26 2010 Amazing 30K Piece LEGO Droid Control Ship

This is a stunning 30,000 piece LEGO replica of the Star Wars Droid Control Ship. It took builder Paul Yperman two years and a small fortune in LEGO bricks to construct. However, it did not take a pyrotechnics license. Boooooooooooooooo!! FIREWORKS SHIP NEEDS MORE FIREWORKS.

Some years ago I walked into a second hand book shop and I bought a Star Wars Cross sections book. In the center stood the Droid Control Ship. It blew my mind and I knew I had to build it.

I used almost 30000 parts. Lots in the center globe that I build with the aid of a building program that I found on the web. 3500 tiles to cover the outside structure. Lots of Technic parts to make the inside frame, so I could move, lift and take it apart without breaking it. The technic parts are joined left/ right and top / bottom, resulting in a firm and solid almost selfcarrying structure.

First of all, who the hell parts with a Star Wars cross-section book? CAUSE THEY BETTER HAVE DIED. Secondly, I'm serious, who would do that? That's like sneaking original, unopened He-Man figures into Toys R Us and putting them back on the shelf. You gotta be crazy!

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the amazing amazingness, as well as the link to higher-res shots.

Continue Reading " Amazing 30K Piece LEGO Droid Control Ship "

Feb 26 2010 Kill All The Natives!: NASA Wants To Put Robotic Scientist 'Avatars' On The Moon

NASA, in a covert attempt to mine Martian cheese, wants to send scientists to the moon in the form of avatars, just like in the movie by the same! (Avatar, not Martian cheese -- although that shit has blockbuster written all over it too).

NASA can put humanoids on the Moon in just 1000 days. They would be controlled by scientists on Earth using motion capture suits, giving them the feeling of being on the lunar surface.

The 1000-day mark is quite plausible, since the mission would be a lot simpler than a human-based one. It will also be quite cheaper than the real thing. First, you don't have to care about life support systems, which will make spacecraft manufacturing a lot less complex. The whole system would also weight a lot less, reducing the need for the development of a huge rocket, and again reducing the costs.

Ha, I love how in the robot in the video stares at his fingers for a full minute like, "holy shit, what the f*** are these?!" Great programming, NASA. And, hypothetically, if my avatar decided to get drunk on moon juice and chase some alien snizz, would I single-handedly restore interest in outerspace and save NASA from the brink of funding collapse? Yes, I would. AND YOU BETTER RENAME A PLANET AFTER ME.

NASA Project M Puts Scientists' Avatars On the Moon [gizmodo]

Feb 26 2010 Excuse Me Sir, You Have A Katana Through Your Head: Wack-Ass Japanese Headphones

Solid Alliance's 'Crazy Earphones' are just that: f***ing crazy. They come in styles like "mushroom", "katana through your head", "arrow through your head" and "extra ears" and will set you back around $22 a set. But what's $22 for a pair of poor quality ear-buds that'll make people think you're insane and cross to the other side of the street. A small price to pay, that's what! I just bought ten pairs of katanas. HI-YA, SUCKAS!

Hit the jump for a better shot in case you're interested in perusing the merchandise.

Continue Reading " Excuse Me Sir, You Have A Katana Through Your Head: Wack-Ass Japanese Headphones "

Feb 26 2010 Search This!: A Google Informational Graphic

Want to learn more about Google? Then peep the rest of this informational graphic, son, it's all about that search bitch! Say, who knew Google did more than run a query page and drive around taking pictures? I mean besides me because I basically built their business model out of little plastic pieces and airplane glue. But mostly airplane glue. What? It helps me think!

Hit the jump to see the whole thing, with many more facts and figurines!

Continue Reading " Search This!: A Google Informational Graphic "

Feb 26 2010 Good Times: Robot Unicorn Attack, The Game

Robot Unicorn Attack is a Flash game from Adult Swim in which you control a robot unicorn in a quest to make its dreams come true (collect fairies and charge through giant stars?). It's highly addictive, and not just because of the soundtrack, although I dare you to come up with a better song. I suggest you all waste a few precious moments of your Friday work-day playing. Trust me -- you'll feel better about yourself knowing you stuck it to the man, if only for a minute. And speaking of sticking it to the man, check it -- I'm going to cover the back of my dress shirt in superglue and wait for my boss to initiate the ol' pat-on-the-back. When he does, he'll stick and I'll thrash around yelling "HE'S HITTING ME! ASSAULT, ASSAULT!!" Yep, this promotion's in the bag.

Robot Unicorn Attack

Thanks to Jeno, Drew, AJ, G33k, Gir, Isaac and jim, who have all avoided doing a lick of work today. *sniff* I'm just so proud.

Feb 26 2010 To Reality And Beyond!: Buzz Lightyear IRL

Super hi-res shot HERE.

This is an "untooned" version of Buzz Lightyear by CG artist Raoni Nery. Well, what do you think -- is this what Buzz would look like if he were real? Your guess is as good as mine. Except not at all because I'm a notoriously good guesser. Just sayin', you know those "guess the number of jelly beans in the jar" contests? Never lost.

Raini's CG Portfolio
via
Stare Into The Real-Life Eyes Of Buzz Lightyear [io9]

Thanks to Pat, Jess and Huntley, who sometimes put fishbowls on their heads and place spaceman.

Feb 25 2010 Hm, I Don't Know How I Feel About Robo-Rex

I love LEGO. I LOOOOVE dinosaurs. But I hate, I hate, I HATE Peter Pan robots. So I dunno how I feel about ol' Robo-Rex here. Sure he's got a pretty mouth, but he's also a robot. I've got a sneaking suspicion the moment you think you're safe and your dorm roommate is asleep and not watching, you'd stick your sausage in there and CHOMP! And from that point on, your life will never be the same. Mostly because your roommate wasn't really asleep. He was secretly filming you having mouth sex with a plastic robot dinosaur. You'll leave school that semester amidst constant ridicule. Eventually, you'll land a blogging position.

Hit the jump for a bunch more of my biggest dilemma.

Continue Reading " Hm, I Don't Know How I Feel About Robo-Rex "

Feb 25 2010 Chick With Ass Plays Racing Game On XBox

NOTE: You might want to stop watching at 1:20 before she turns around.

This is a chick with ass for days playing some racing game on XBox 360. First one to name the game in the comments obviously missed the point of this post. Also, you think she shakes her ass around for the camera, or that's really how she games? Because either way I was waiting for the chair to break.

Tahiticora est une gameuse, une vraie... Mais en String! [natchers]

Feb 25 2010 Makes Perfect Sense: Lightsaber USB Drives

Honey, have you seen my lightsaber USB drive? Haha, what do you mean it's in your panty drawer? These USB lightsabers come in red and green, light up when you plug them in and will set you back $20 for 1GB of storage. Amazingly, they're actual Lucasfilm licensed products from Japan. Really? Because I would have manufactured the same thing, not gotten any licensing rights, and sold them as lightswords BECAUSE I'M A RUTHLESS BUSINESSMAN. Don't believe me? Then why did I just kill my secretary? Wait, why did I just kill my secretary? CAUSE I'M ROOFLESS, YOUNG'N!

ThinkGeek Product Site
via
Lightsaber Flash Drives [ohgizmo]

Feb 25 2010 Beep Boop Bop: Robot Informational Graphic

Full-size version of the whole poster HERE, or hit the jump to see it in stunning 450px quality.

Robots: they suck and they're going to kill us all. And this informational graphic proves it. I think. Granted I didn't bother reading it, but that's because I already know everything there is to know about robots (see first sentence).

Hit the jump or the link at the top to get your learn on.

Continue Reading " Beep Boop Bop: Robot Informational Graphic "

Feb 25 2010 Piracy: The Benefit Of Not Paying For Things

Larger, legible version of the poster HERE.

Ever since its infancy, piracy has always been awesome. There's treasure, tropical locales, wenches, weapons, cool costumes -- all that good stuff. Plus, NO ANNOYING UNSKIPPABLE DVD SCENES. Suck it, the man. YAAAAARR!! -- CAPTAIN BOOTYBEARD SAYS SET SAIL FOR FREE MEDIA!!

Picture

Thanks to trishna87 and big jerm, who both have peglegs. Jealous!

Feb 25 2010 'The Poetry Of Reality' Symphony Of Science

'The Poetry of Reality' is the latest in the Symphony of Science series (other four videos HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE) and features an all star cast of brainiacs. Including, and virtually limited to: Michael Shermer, Jacob Bronowski, Carl Sagan, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Richard Dawkins, Jill Tarter, Lawrence Krauss, Richard Feynman, Brian Greene, Stephen Hawking, Carolyn Porco, and PZ Meyers. Well, did you nerdgasm? Yeah me neither. Oh these? I always change my sheets on Thursdays.

Symphony of Science

Thanks to Paulo, Nemo and Angel M., who all wear labcoats and drink out of beakers.

Feb 25 2010 LEGO + Nipples = Awesome? It Sure Does!

NOTE: Jump is NSFW due to glass-cutting nipplery.

This is a little series of modeling shots taken by Model Mayhem user iFeminine (link is NSFW!). It's LEGO minifigs mining for milk. Or...something. All I know is there are nipples, a cannon and an octopus involved, arguably making this the best series of pictures on the internet. There's just no topping it. Not even with dino pasties. Nipple tie-in FTW! Ahhhhh, you still got it, GW, you still got it.

Hit it for the rest of the NSFW series, along with a completely unrelated pic (minus being taken by the same photographer) of the Incredible Hulk holding a pair of breasts.

Continue Reading " LEGO + Nipples = Awesome? It Sure Does! "

Feb 25 2010 Start Your Aston Martin With A $30,000 Watch

Are you richer than God? Are you considering the purchase of an Aston Martin Rapide? If so, please hire me -- I'll do anything. Sexual favors excluded. Sexual flavors, okay. Mmmm, this tastes like lube!

The AMVOX2 Rapide Transponder heralds the second generation of the revolutionary creation that sealed the ties between the Grande Maison from the Vallée de Joux and the legendary British luxury sports car manufacturer.

Released several months ago, it is the first mechanical watch developed with the ability to control access into a luxury sports car by means of a built-in micro transmitter system serves to lock and unlock the Aston Martin DBS car, while maintaining the key functions of the famous vertical-trigger mechanism equipping the pushpiece-free chronograph.

That's right, a $30K watch that unlocks your car doors. It may even start the engine too, I dunno. But that's not the point. The point is this: if you can't even use a regular key you probably shouldn't be driving.

Hit the jump for another shot of the watch and one of the car. Vroom vroom?

Continue Reading " Start Your Aston Martin With A $30,000 Watch "

Feb 25 2010 Awesome: The Perpetual Domino Machine

The Ouroborus Domino Machine was created by Karl Lautman and knocks over and picks up dominoes all by itself -- with magic! It's really therapeutic to see. Like watching two children beat each other in the head with plastic bats. But with less cheering and betting.

Ouroborus Domino sculpture rebuilds itself [slipperybrick]

Thanks to Melissa, who had one of those little Domino Rally cars that set up the blocks for you. That's called cheating, Melissa. Not as bad as this, but close.

Feb 25 2010 Class Rings Now Come With Gamer Option

Because gaming is everyone's favorite extracurricular activity, Jostens has decided to include a "gamer" option on their class rings. That's cool -- if you don't mind getting beat up by all the football players. Kidding, they game too! Don't you? Don't you, you stupid meatheads? Yes I still have a lot of repressed anger. *sniff* WHAT DO YOU MEAN BAND MEMBERS CAN'T SHOWER WITH THE FOOTBALL TEAM?!

Jostens High School Rings For Gamers & Geeks [ohgizmo]

Feb 24 2010 Omg Please Tell Me It Comes With The Mask: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Shell Backpacks

This $40 backpack from Hot Topic (I know, I secretly love that place too!) holds shit and makes you look like a ninja turtle. What more could you ask for from a bookbag? Jesus, it's not gonna do your math homework.

This backpack is in the shape of a half-shell and includes four masks. Turtle power!

WOOT! That's right, the bag includes masks in all four turtle colors! I like turtles! AND getting high in the Turtle Van. Come on guys, make me an honorary member. I'll wear the brown mask AND WIELD A F***ING LIGHTSABER! Now, give it to me straight -- which one of you is banging April? Master Splinter?! GTFO!!

Product Site
via
The Daily What

Thanks to Pete, who once pulled Krang out his android body's stomach and beat him with a shovel.

Feb 24 2010 Kirsten Dunst Cosplaying 'Turning Japanese'

NOTE: Video is NSFW due to anime nudity at 0:25, 0:52, 1:25, 2:39 and 3:25 -- so skip those parts. Or don't, God, you hate your job anyway.

This is a cover and music video of The Vapors' classic, 'Turning Japanese' as performed by Kirsten Dunst. I thought you might be into it. Hell, I don't know, she's dressed up as the "Akihabara Majokko Princess" and dancing around in the streets. Plus blue hair and a magic wand. And speaking of magic wands: have any of you seen Harry Potter around here lately? I think we might have had a little mix-up. I went to play fetch with my dog and he exploded.

Youtube

Thanks to Isaac and Marty the farmer, who have both been huge Kirsten Dunst fans since Jumanji. Jesus Christ.

Feb 24 2010 Starcraft II Beta Invite For Sale On eBay

There's an eBay auction going on right now for a code that'll allow you to beta test the new Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty. Hey, that's cool. You know, I beta-tested something once. It was a goldfish. It did not survive. Fish joke!

This auction is for a piece of paper that shows the Starcraft 2: Wings of Liberty Beta Invite code. This key code provides instant access to the SC2 beta and allows you to download the beta client immediately. The code has NOT been used.

If you have a feedback rating higher than 20, I am willing to forward actual email key code right away rather than shipping it. But only if you have a perfect feedback (100%) and rating higher than 20.

Weird, when I first got the tip last night and looked at the auction they were asking $999, but now they only want $380. *cough* Drug addict *cough*.

eBay Auction

Thanks to blackswans22, who may or may yes be the meth-fiending seller.

Feb 24 2010 No Wonder I'm Always Drawn To LG Products!

The logo has a subliminal character included! It's Pac-Man! Well, Pac-Man AFTER I BROKE HIS YELLOW-ASS JAW FOR EATING MY CHERRIES. I called them first, jerk! Oh, the Missus called -- she said you should eat out. I assume she meant literally, like at a restaurant, because I saw her ankles-up in Blinky's van earlier. Sorry you had to hear it from me. No I'm not (I called those strawberries too, dick).

Hidden Code in LG Logo [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Jessica, who's convinced Dig-Dug is hiding in the Samsung logo. You're f***ing crazy.

Feb 24 2010 Pfft, I Know Chemistry: Elemental Bacon Shirt

This is a $16 elemental bacon shirt. It spells 'BaCoN' through the clever placement of three periodic elements: barium, cobalt and nitrogen. And I think we can all agree: bacon would be a lot less popular if it actually were barium, cobolt and nitrogen. And not just because it would make your shit shine like a glowstick, but it 100% would. Haha, what do you mean barium isn't radioactive? SHUT UP, I'LL WEAR THE LAB COAT THANK YOU VERY MUCH. And the pants. Kidding, KIDDING -- I'm a blogger, remember?

ThinkGeek Product Site

Thanks to Kevin and André, who'd still eat it anyways. For principle.

Feb 24 2010 New 'Iron Man 2' Costumes Coming Soon!

Sure Halloween is still eight months away, but is that gonna stop you from buying a War Machine costume and trying to seduce industrial robots at the Toyota factory? Probably not. Which is exactly why you should seek professional help. Namely, me with a baseball bat. Hold still, this won't hurt a bit. Yes, yes it will. This is gonna be the worst feeling you've ever felt in your entire life. Even worse than the first time you had your heart broken. Which, whoa -- when did Cupid get a liquid nitrogen crossbow?

All costumes available soon from CustomeCraze. Hit the jump for sexy 'Ironette' and Black Widow costumes, a kid's version, and some Tony Stark facial hair.

Continue Reading " New 'Iron Man 2' Costumes Coming Soon! "

Feb 24 2010 Largest Plane Graveyard On Google Maps

This is an Google Maps aerial shot of the 309th Aerospace Maintenance and Regeneration Group (AMARG), AKA "The Boneyard", a 2,600 acre facility that serves as the final resting place for over 4,200 US aircraft (I'm gonna go steal a Warthog!).

Located in Tucson, Arizona, on the Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, the facility was first set up shortly after World War II. It was chosen for its high altitude and arid conditions, that mean the aircraft can be left outdoors without deteriorating too quickly.

Officials at the base say that the parts reclaimed and aircraft withdrawn turns every tax dollar spent into 11 dollars in return.

Sure this is where all the good planes go when they die, but where do all the bad planes go? *clearing throat* I feel a song coming on!

Where do bad planes go when they die?

They don't go to the Boneyard where the plangels fly
Go to a place of fire and fry
Shoot those dirty bastards right outta the sky
And into a f***ing volcano! PEW PEW, PEW PEW PEW!!

Hit the Google Maps link to explore the Boneyard yourself.

Google Maps
via
The Boneyard: World's 'biggest' plane cemetery up close [bbcnews]

Thanks to sham and Remy, who have both sat in decommissioned aircraft and made airplane noises. Fun! "NEEEEEOOOOOOOWRRRR RATATATATATATAT!"

Feb 24 2010 I Saw Him Jump The Turnstile!: Pigeon Subway Passenger Thinks He's Human

This is a video of a pigeon named Henry riding the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) and exiting at his desired stop. Allegedly it's a fairly common occurrence, as Henry has pigeon and dove bitches all over Toronto. Play on, playa! (Shit on me and I'll kill you)

Youtube

Thanks to kat, who trained Henry to sit on her shoulder. OMG, please tell me you wear an eyepatch!

Feb 24 2010 Admiral Ackbar: Next Mascot For Ole Miss?

Ole Miss (The University of Mississippi) has decided to ditch its old racist slave-owning mascot Col. Rebel in exchange for something a little more PC. And now there's a student movement to elect the honorable Admiral Ackbar (quite the rebel himself) as the new figurehead of the university. Tell me it's not a trap! Voting just ended to determine if students would lead the mascot-choosing process and won with nearly 75% of votes (2,510 of 3,366). Nice, Ole Miss. Now I'm not saying you should also consider Nien Nunb as a potential candidate, but he does look half chipmunk/half vagina, both of which people love and find intimidating AT THE SAME TIME. You think about it.

Notatrap.org

Thanks to Justin, Chris and Brian, all of whom have amazingly normal names for a change.

Feb 24 2010 In Case You Get To Touch One: 15 Things You Should Know About Sweater Yams

Click HERE to view the full chart.

The latest in information graphics, this one's all about your favorite subject: comics sweater puppets. Say, did you know the average female nipple is 3/8" long when erect? I didn't. Cause I've definitely seen some outliers! I'm looking at you, sausage-nippled old lady that decided to flash us during Beach Week!....

Wait -- what are you doing here?

15 Things You Should Know About Breasts [onlineschools]

Thanks to trick house, mike469x and Brodeur, who already know everything there is to know about breasts, including, and virtually limited to: they're proof God loves us.

Feb 23 2010 *HORF*: Meat Cakes Are A Little Too Realistic

This is a slab of bacon. In cake form. I know, I thought it was eel too. Anyway, I'm gonna have to admit I'd have a hard time driving that into me. Mostly because there's no steering wheel or pedals! *zing!* How about airline food, amirite? First time I've ever had to use a barf bag in the back of my pants. Thank you, thank you -- you all have been great, don't forget to tip your bartenders, I'm gonna steal their tip jars after the show. Woops -- did I say that out loud? I have a gun.

Hit the jump for an eerily realistic Spam cake and an unbelievable bacon & eggs one.

Continue Reading " *HORF*: Meat Cakes Are A Little Too Realistic "

Feb 23 2010 Windows 7: Hey, That Was My Idea!

This is College Humor's take on those 'Windows 7 Was My Idea' commercials. My take is fast-forward the DVR, but that's just me and I'm pretty much an advertising expert. Microsoft: hire me, I'll hook you up. And not just with good drugs either ALTHOUGH I DO KNOW PEOPLE IF THAT'LL MOVE MY APPLICATION TO THE TOP OF THE PILE. If not, please disregard and I'm drug free so there's really no point in testing. See that -- I've saving you money already! Haha, what do you mean I have weed in my hair?

Windows 7 Parody [collegehumor]

Thanks to jimjamjum and Bullboner Bill, your parents must really hate you.

Feb 23 2010 Look, You Can See The Bone!: Casttoos

Casttoos are tattoos for casts. The company makes a number of different standard designs (flames, tribal stuff, etc), but the coolest available is a custom version of your actual brokeback bones. You just email the company a scan of your x-ray, and they send you a waterproof tattoo to apply to your cast. It's as simple as that! And, as a guy whose shattered his arm twice defending a woman's honor....turns out she was a slut. Oh well, you live and learn. (I WANT MY ARM BACK, HUSSY!)

Product Site
via
Make your arm cast see-thru with Casttoo [dvice]

Feb 23 2010 Action Comics #1 Sells For A Million At Auction

A copy of Action Comics #1, best known for featuring the first appearance of Superman, recently sold for a staggering $1 million at auction. That's one rich old virgin! Kidding -- kidding -- hookers count.

They said it couldn't be done. They said that no comic book--no matter how rare--would ever sell for $1,000,000. This week, they were proven wrong. And in the midst of a recession, no less!

Only about 100 copies Action Comics #1 remain in existence, and of those 100, only two have received a grading of 8.0 (Very Fine) or higher. This particular book is one of them, making it among the rarest of the rare.

Up until now, the record-holder was another Action Comics #1, this one with a grading of 6.0. It sold on ComicConnect.com for $317,200 in 2009.

Daaaaamn! I wish I was at a place in my life where I could drop a cool mill on a comic. Cause right now I'm not even comfortable dropping 89¢ on a Beefy 5-Layer Burrito from Taco Bell. However, I am comfortable dropping trou for painting classes. You think about it.*

*The GW cannot be held responsible for playing with himself or winking at the artists during a sitting (I get bored and my mind wonders)

Auction Site

Thanks to JerkBoxJoJo and Tyler, who don't collect comics books, they collect superheroes. Jesus, that must be one hell of a fortified basement.

Feb 23 2010 No Computers In Class: Professor Freezes, Shatters Laptop With Liquid Nitrogen

This is a video of an OU physics professor freezing and shattering a laptop with liquid nitrogen to remind students not to bring them to class. It was pretty effective. Not as effective as the time Mr. Wizard shattered a giant bouncy ball with liquid nitrogen, but this guy isn't exactly Mr. Wizard. Also, the camera-phoner filming it didn't actually manage to get the shattering on video, so I'd gonna go ahead and suggest you fail them now. Geez, it's just light waves and shit -- you will never understand physics! On a side note, did you know I beat emulated versions of 'Ocarina of Time' AND 'Majora's Mask' on my laptop in class while I was getting my master's? Because I did. AND STILL GRADUATED WITH HONORS. Huh? No I didn't blow all my professors!!

Youtube
via
Don't Bring Laptops to Class or Else [gizmodo]

Feb 23 2010 Finally!: Armored Golf Carts Now Available

Let's face it, golf courses aren't as safe as they used to be. So I'll be damned if I'm cruising around the links in an unprotected buggy. Thankfully, now there's the $45K Anti-Terrorist Assault Cart (Atac). *thwack* Fore! GO GO GO!!

It weighs just under half a tonne, has bullet-proof windows and contains numerous firing ports. Furthermore it is able to negotiate corridors and lifts.

Metaltech says the squat and heavily armoured vehicle can also withstand grenade blasts and last for six hours on a single charge - with a top speed of 25km/h (15mph).

Sure being able to withstand grenade blasts is a huge plus, but I feel like those tires are just begging to be popped. I mean, for $45K I was expecting tank treads. Which, haha, of course I'd still drive on the greens! Jesus, it's not like I'm gonna do donuts (unless I par).

'Anti-terror buggy' unveiled by firm in India [bbcnews]

Thanks to Mr. H, who developed a crush on Ms. I because they always had to sit next to each other in homeroom.

Feb 23 2010 Invite Me Over For A Bowl!: Unopened Box Of 1988 Nintendo Cereal System Sells For $200

I know for a fact I used to eat Nintendo Cereal System growing up because I still have some Link bits stuck to the roof of my mouth. But had I known I could pawn unopened boxes of the deliciousness on eBay in 2010 for $200, I might have stockpiled the stuff (or at least saved the boxes, refilled them with Crunch Berries, and glued them back shut).

THIS IS AN ORIGINAL NINTENDO CEREAL SYSTEM FROM 1988 WITH TWO DIFFERENT CEREALS IN IT, SUPER MARIO BROS ACTION SERIES AND ZELDA ADVENTURE SERIES.

COMPLETLY SEALED IN THE BOX. IT IS IN VERY GOOD CONDITION FOR BEING A 22 YEAR OLD THIN CARDBOARD BOX. ONLY ONE DISCLAIMER IT WOULD NOT BE WISE TO EAT THE CONTENTS OF THIS BOX EVEN THOUGH I NO YOU WILL WANT TO. I THOUGHT ABOUT IT MENY TIMES MY SELF.

The box sold for $207.50 plus $4 shipping. So, which one of you bought it? And, more importantly, when are we eating it? I remember one of the cereals tasting like shit and the other one being good. Well I call the good one.

Hit the jump for an original commercial for the stuff.

Continue Reading " Invite Me Over For A Bowl!: Unopened Box Of 1988 Nintendo Cereal System Sells For $200 "

Feb 23 2010 I'd Beat It (With A Hammer!): World's Fastest LEGO Mindstorm Rubik's Cube Solving Robot

Granted we've seen LEGO Mindstorm sets people have built to solve Rubik's Cubes in the past, but never anything that moves with the speed and dexterity as CubeStorm CubeStorm Cubestorm. Whoa, nice echo effect. Kidding, I'm hiding in the closet (my mom's trying to drag me to a doctor's appointment).

The Worlds Fastest Lego Mindstorms RCX Speedcubing Robot. Built entirely from lego elements with a lego web camera to scan the faces of the cube, The solve engine (algorithm) running on the computer is provided by the incredible "Cube Explorer "software which also provides the colour recognition required to determine the exact location of each coloured square. Thanks to Herbert Kociemba for making his work available to anyone wishing to use it! Respect! "Cube Explorer" has the ability to produce very fast solutions to a successfully scanned cube, usually around 20 face turns! Doesn't sound a lot , but it is believed that around 20 turns are enough to solve ANY 3x3x3 cube combination. I'm still working on "CubeStormer" I would like to see it reach sub-10 and feel it's close to that. but reliability begins to suffer when you start to push things just that bit too far.....

You know what else begins to suffer when you start to push robotics too far? Humanity. Just sayin', you ever seen that movie Terminator? I haven't. Jesus, I've got enough nightmare fodder.

Youtube

Thanks to Osku, Logisticz, Gir, Ringo, Raúl, meeotch, Frank, james, Bolleke, PrestickNinja, raficus and Clint, who would have disassembled that sucker and built a sweet-ass LEGO castle.

Feb 23 2010 His Holiness The Dalai Lama Joins Twitter

The Dalai Lama has joined Twitter. Or, more than likely, somebody officially representing the Dalai Lama is updating Twitter on his behalf. Still, that's more impressive than some other religious figures. *ahem* Benedict. Anyway, now I'm just going to copy/paste the best Dalai Lama movie quote ever because KATIE COURIC DOESN'T HAVE SHIT ON MY NATURAL JOURNALISTIC ABILITIES. Don't know what to tell you, Kate, I guess some of us are just born with it (you stick with Maybelline).

Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.
Angie D'Annunzio: A looper?
Carl Spackler: A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

The Dalai Lama's Twitter

Thanks to Camille, who's seen 'Seven Years In Tibet' at least a half dozen times.

Feb 23 2010 DO WANT!: Giant T-Rex Garden Statues

Looking for the perfect garden sculpture to accentuate your backyard? Well look no further, my dino-loving friends, because TOSCANO Designs has you covered, thanks to this Jurassic-Sized T-Rex Statue. "GW, DIIIIIIIINNER TIME!" CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY, GOD!

At 22 feet long and 11 feet tall, this Jurassic-sized replica is the largest sculpture we have ever offered! Realistically sculpted with rows of menacing teeth, a fearsome tail and scaly skin, our prehistoric artifact is cast in quality designer resin and hand-painted with powerfully convincing color and texture. This display-quality sculpture transforms any home, garden, restaurant or hotel into something truly magnificent!

Oh. Hell. Yes. Each statue is built to order and costs $7,500. A little steep, I know, but nothing you can't afford. So go ahead and get one. Then I'm going to need your address. Also, I suggest you build a 20-foot privacy fence. KIDDING -- I don't care who sees!

Product Site

Thanks to uglybuckling, who has a face even a mother can't love. But his pecs, my god those pecs.

Feb 22 2010 Highly Impressive 'Crawler Town' LEGO Build

This is 'Crawler Town', a rolling LEGO city built by Flickr user and skilled LEGOlier Dave DeGobbi. And, like Rome, it wasn't built in a day. OR SO THE HISTORY BOOKS SAY. They also don't mention alien subcontractors, but I have my doubts.

Crawler town roams the barren wastes of a post steam-punk world after cataclysmic climate change do to excessive coal use. Several such cities exist but Crawler town is the most popular due to the Aero 500 hydrogen fuel cell Air races that are held. Many people travel the wastes to Crawler town for vacation and to enjoy rare luxuries like Pizza, fresh vegetables and Beer. Travelling the wastes in search of minerals and aquifers ( vital for survival) the mobility of the city keeps it away from the vicious sand storms of the wastes

Good looking, Dave. Reminds me of the opposite of Water World. What would we call that, Land World? Mad Maxtopia? I dunno, but I do know the 2Pac video for 'California Love' is the shit. "As soon as I step on the scene, I'm hearin' hoochies screamin'." Oh yeah, I can relate. Wait -- are you bitches calling the cops?!

I posted a couple more shots after the jump, but you should definitely hit David's Flickr gallery (with more shots coming soon) to appreciate the build in high-res.

Continue Reading " Highly Impressive 'Crawler Town' LEGO Build "

Feb 22 2010 I Learned!: Short Chat Roulette Documentary

NOTE: Dirty word at 0:50.

This is a six minute video about Chat Roulette that Geekologie Readers Alex & Brett made after being inspired by my hard-hitting journalism on the same subject. I thought the most interesting part was the fact that a cute girl that doesn't say or do anything can keep a guy to stay connected for 8:30, but a boy who looks like Harry Potter had 15 people disconnect on him in 3:25. That sucks, Harry (you should have used magic!).

This was a project I did for fun as well as for school. It was mostly interesting despite the fact I can't shake this feeling the internet is more important than I was or ever will be. Regardless, I think it's an entertaining piece about how absurd the website Chat Roulette really is.

If anyone who frequents chat roulette is wondering, through recording I easily saw over one hundred sets of male genitalia compared to a measly two open welcoming female parts.

Wow, worse than a 1/50 chance of seeing a vajayjay versus a vapenis. Those are pretty terrible odds. Wait -- where are you going? Haha, not bad enough for you, huh? Enjoy the peeners!

Youtube

Thanks to Alex & Brett, who claim they undertook the project in the name of science, but I suspect it may have been all the guys playing with themselves. Kidding! Well, half-kidding.

Feb 22 2010 Genius, Pure Genius: The Cooler Beach Chair

The $60 All-In-One chair is the very legitimate lovechild of a portable cooler and folding beach chair. I don't know about it truly being "all-in-one" because it doesn't look motorized and I don't see an iPod dock or speakers, but maybe they're hidden in the arm rests or something. At any rate, it holds ice, beer, magazines and that ass. It has a roll cover that separates you from the cold beverages but I still wouldn't throw yourself down too hard because longneck beer bottles can and will steal your butt's v-card. Which, funny story: for spring break one year I went to Cancun with a bunch of buddies and whenever a friend passed out early we'd wedge a Corona bottle up his ass. Sometimes I feigned sleep! Good times.

Product Site
via
All-In-One Chair combines comfortable seating with a cooler [dvice]

Feb 22 2010 Star Trek Online Fans Set Record For Most People Dressed As Star Trek Characters

How many people do you think it would take to set the record for most people dressed as Star Trek characters in the same place at once? I guessed 1,000 because I figured that a lot of people cosplayed at Trekkie conventions and what have you, but apparently not, or at least they've never had Guinness there (God please tell me there was at least Bud Light). That's right, it only took 99. That's pathetic! I mean, shit, people organized a 2,510 Smurf get-together.

99 Star Trek Online fans spent the day breaking the most unapologetically dorky world record known to mankind: The most costumed Star Trek fans ever gathered in a single place. We imagine they also broke the "most depressing way to spend a Valentine's Day" record as well, but we don't have any way of empirically proving that.

Personally, that sounds like a great way to spend Valentine's. Plus all the participants scored lifetime subscriptions to Star Trek Online. So that's something. And so is that character on the left. Anybody know where she lives? She looks like something I'd be interested in. Hunting -- with a spear-gun.

Star Trek Online fans set nerdiest world record ever [joystiq]

Thanks to Kevin007, who infiltrated the mob and managed to take some bow tie camera spy-shots up some freaky green chick's skirt. Uh, congratulations?

Feb 22 2010 If It Were Only That Easy: Photoshop Cooking

This is an adorable little video of what baking cookies would be like if it were anything similar to running Photoshop. Unfortunately, it's not. Which is how I managed to burn my old house down. Kidding, KIDDING -- I was hoping to catch the ex-wife while she was sleeping. Ssshhhhhh!!

Adobe Photoshop Cook [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Mary, who is skilled enough to bake casseroles in MS Paint.

Feb 22 2010 Real Bacon Potato Chips: Once You Pop You Can't Stop (Until Your Heart Does, And It Will)

Who's Your Daddy (that's easy, I am) Real Bacon Homemade Potato Chips ($5) are exactly what they sound like: deliciousness incarnate. Bet you can't eat just one (bag) you glutton you.

We start with the best quality potatoes and add a proprietary blend of some extra-bacony goodness. They will put a grin on your face and promise to test your limits of self-control.

It is our stated mission that you have a heightened sense of expectation before opening a bag of our Real Bacon Handmade Potato Chips that is exceeded every single time that bag is opened. Enjoy!

Oh I'm going to enjoy all right, ENJOY SUING YOUR PANTS OFF FOR KILLING ME! You think ghosts can't sue? Ghosts can sue. Just ask Casper. He's been after that free candy van guy for years for passing out laced candy. Ha, good luck with that, Casper. Say mister, have any Jujyfruits?

Product Site
via
Bacon Potato Chips [uncrate]

Thanks to Chuey the midget, who, despite his small size, can still win competitive eating contests.

Feb 22 2010 Don't Get Mad, Get Even Send A Bag Of Crap

Poopsenders.com is a service that allows you to send bags of animal feces to people you don't like. I assume it was created by a zoo employee because it's not just cow dung that's available, you can also opt for elephant and gorilla scat in quart and gallon sizes ($13-$24). It's real too because I went through the entire ordering process (The Superficial Writer has a birthday coming up). Well, that or I just got scammed. But I hope not because I can't wait to see the look on his face when he opens that box and I run up behind him and smash his face in it and set him on fire. Best present ever!

Official Site

Thanks to Jcon, who sent a box to himself because he's sick like that. You need help bro.

Feb 22 2010 Dude, That's Deep: Mariana Trench To Scale

NOTE: Full-res shot HERE because you can't see a damn thing in this one. Don't even lie, your eyes aren't that good.

The Mariana Trench is the deepest part of the ocean and extends at least 7 miles below sea level. That's deep. So deep nothing but my penis can reach the bottom. It's true -- one time I accidentally poked a slumbering Kraken in the head while trolling for lobster. Wow, isn't the earth a mysterious place? There's so much we have yet to learn. Like what causes weather and how come the local meteorologist can't predict rain for shit? Also, if everyone on the planet went swimming in the ocean at the same time would California sink or would it just be a great time to rob a bank? Why do children always feel obligated to crap in a wave pool?

The Mariana Trench To Scale [i-am-bored]

Thanks to kush, who I would totally smoke if I wasn't eligible for random drug testing. (Anybody selling clean urine?)

Feb 22 2010 I'll Stick To The Crane Game, Thank You Very Much: Robo Catcher Arcade Prize Game

As many of you may know, I'm a master of the crane game (picture proof of some of my winnings after the jump -- even the bullwhip), so I have no interest in Robo Catcher. Robo Catcher is an arcade prize game in which you control a little robot. The goal is to pick up a (crumpled paper filled) prize-ball and drop it down a chute. Simple, right? Not with a cheating-ass robot in the mix! Plus, the machine costs $11,000! Now I'm not saying I can think of at least a hundred better versions of the prize game, but I can. At least 200 of which involve controlling a stray cat....WITH LASERS. Plus you win kittens! I know, I know, I'm a genius.

Hit the jump for a full shot of the machine, a picture of my crane-game winnings, and two videos of the robo-bastard cheating kids out of prizes.

Continue Reading " I'll Stick To The Crane Game, Thank You Very Much: Robo Catcher Arcade Prize Game "

Feb 22 2010 Look Kids, More Undead Disney Characters!

NOTE: Full-res pic HERE.

Sure we've already seen some zombified Disney princesses, but what about the dudes? Yes, what about the dudes? To answer that question, here's a group of mixed nuts. Well, what do you think? I think Cinderella and Belle might actually BE zombies, that's what I think. Also, why no Ariel? Ha, that was a trick question -- mermaids don't become zombies you silly goose! But they do become chunk-light tuna. Buy responsibly!

UPDATE: So apparently the girl second to right is supposed to be Ariel. So maybe they do become zombies and not tuna after all. But if that's the case, answer me this: THEN HOW DID I FIND A VAGINA IN A CAN OF STARKIST?!

Undead Cosplay's DeviantART (with a TON more pictures)
and
Kelly Jane's DeviantART

Thanks to sham, who's convinced Beast was a werewolf.

Feb 21 2010 Triforce Latte: Dammit Link, Stop Fidgeting

This is a Triforce latte (liquid courage, power and wisdom) that deviantARTist Monk Drew made his brother for his birthday. Now I'm not saying a coffee-drink is a pretty weak-ass present, but my brother did get me Carl Sagan's Cosmos on DVD for Christmas. Just sayin' -- WHAT DID I NOT DESERVE BLU-RAY?! Kidding Frank, I know it's not available ALTHOUGH I'M CHECKING AMAZON RIGHT NOW JUST TO MAKE SURE. Whew, okay we're cool.

Monk Drew's DeviantART (with a ton more great latte art)
via
Triforce Latte - A Drink for a True Hero [albotas]

Thanks to Christy, who once drank a Zora latte on the way to work and puked all over the back of the bus.

Feb 21 2010 You Will Be Assimilated...INTO MY MOUTH!!

Borg cupcakes: that's what these are. Now I don't know too much about the Borgs except they've always scared the everliving crap out of me (literally, ask the popcorn sweeper in theater 11 after the 4:20 showing of First Contact back in '96), but it looks like two of them have little metal peeners for eyes. So that's something. SOMETHING TO LICK OFF THE TOP BEFORE EATING THE REST OF THE CAKE, AMIRITE?! No, no I am not (I totally am though and you know it).

Resistance is Delicious [wilwheaton]

Thanks to emerica, who prefers platecakes.

Feb 21 2010 We Meet Again: Chatrouletters Are Strange

I've Chatrouletted long enough to know nothing good is gonna come out of it. That was six seconds. Just long enough to try to take a reasonable screenshot while I was writing a post about it, seeing a man's penis, and marking the website as unsafe in my internet browser. Anyway, this is funny Chatroulette picture and pretty much exemplifies what you can expect when signing on. Don't even bother if you're hoping for anything better. Although I did see a naked lady once. Well, a picture of one anyways. Right before the guy pulled it away from the webcam and exposed himself. Like I said, six seconds.

Picture

Thanks to Amber, who knows better than to Chatroulette after dark. Or anytime for that matter.

Feb 21 2010 Amazing Bioshock 2 Big Sister Costume

This is an interview with Nathan Sharratt, who went and made a ridiculously amazing Big Sister costume (not to be confused with Harrison Krix's Big Daddy getup) from Bioshock 2. It is most impressive and I can say without a doubt that I wouldn't want to meet that in a dark Rapture alley. Or anything for that matter. There is nothing I can think of in Rapture that I'd like to run into. Well, besides an x-ray vision plasmid. Oh -- and Sander Cohen. He seems like a pretty cool cat.

Bleep Bloop: Bioshock 2 Costume [collegehumor]

Thanks to Shmitty, who harvested every little sister he could find and is a real jerk.

Feb 19 2010 That's How You Rent A Room On Craigslist!!

Want to rent a room on Craigslist? This is how you do it. Of course, it's not as successful as the last ad I placed looking for a roommate. Granted, I mentioned I was the Geekologie Writer, but I had over 4,000 replies. At least two of which I'm convinced weren't guys that wanted to collect my hair out of the shower drain.

How To Rent Your Extra Room [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Fadilah, Martin and cheesewhizzer, who are all welcome to crash on my couch for pizza money.

Feb 19 2010 A Real Pot Holder: I Get It, I GET IT!!

This is a $8 pot holder that's shaped like a pot leaf. It's a pun, get it? I don't but I'm gonna pretend like I do to seem hip to you younger cats. I'm a cool daddy-o, I jive. Now let's buy a lid and smoke the marijuanas!

Product Site
via
This Pot Holder Will Prevent Burns When You're Baking [gizmodo]

Thanks to Marco, who, you buy one and I'll try smoking it with you.

Feb 19 2010 CodeOrgan Turns Any Website Into Music

CodeOrgan is a website where you can enter any website's URL, and, using a complicated algorithm, it turns the website's code into "music". Obviously, Geekologie is the most beautiful website you will ever hear, but you can try it with any other one you want. And the songs will change as the "body" content of the website changes. So you can listen to a different Geekologie song tomorrow. They are all magical! Like Link's ocarina songs, but this one won't summon your horse. Unless that's what you calling your girlfriend, in which case, she's probably cheating on you with someone nicer. LIKE YOUR ROOMMATE. Seriously, I saw them together.

Hit the jump for an explanation of how the program actually works and another link in case you missed the one in the text.

Continue Reading " CodeOrgan Turns Any Website Into Music "

Feb 19 2010 Sometimes Even Batman Needs a Break

This is a cartoon of Batman responding to the Bat Signal. Apparently he's a soccer (football) fan. Who knew? I always pinned him as more of a yacht racing kind of superhero. Or is that Thomas Crown? Steal me a Picasso!

Even The Dark Knight deserves an evening off [ramblingsofamadman]

Thanks to Greg, who once hit Batman with a bottle rocket and burnt a hole in his cape. Oh you are so bad!

Feb 19 2010 Coooool!: Stick-bomb Chain Reaction Video

Honestly, I didn't know what a stick-bomb was until I watched this video. Then I was disappointed, but only because I was hoping for explosives. Everything's better with explosives. And I'm not just talking about birthdays!

Kinetic artist Tim Fort used 2250 tongue depressors to build 562 of the little tension-loaded bombs, placing them in close proximity with each other and detonating a huge sequential maelstrom with a simple touch. That was enough to break the world record for a chain reaction of these xyloexplosive devices.

Yes, it really is amazing to watch. And I love how guy yells "WOOHOO!" at the end. Because that's the exact sort of thing I do after achieving a great feat. WOOHOO! Who's a big kid now?!

Youtube
via
562 stick bombs explode in world record chain reaction [dvice]

Feb 19 2010 Pew Pew! Go The Crayola Crayon Rockets

John Coker undoubtedly ate crayons (and Play-Doh) as a child. And when he grew up, he decided to make an 8-pack of giant Crayola crayon rockets and shoot them into the wild blue yonder. Sadly, only four of the eight rockets took to the sky. It's okay, John, a 50% success rate isn't bad. Kidding, that's terrible. Maybe next time you should try those sniffable markers. You know, Sharpies. GET IN MY NOSE!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Pew Pew! Go The Crayola Crayon Rockets "

Feb 19 2010 Awesome Zelda Magic: The Gatherings Cards

These are some mock-ups of what Zelda themed Magic: The Gathering cards might look like, as created by ZeldaInformer forum member Subrosia. Unfortunately, they're not real. Which is a shame because had they been I might have played for longer instead of giving up and clothes-pinning the cards to make noises in my bicycle spokes.

Hit the jump for Ganon and the Master Sword.

Continue Reading " Awesome Zelda Magic: The Gatherings Cards "

Feb 19 2010 I Dare You To Try: 'Please Rob Me' Website

PleaseRobMe.com is a website that lists people who have recently left their homes and announced their location on Twitter. So you can go rob them. Or go spread rose petals all over their porch if you're not into the whole robbery thing. The website was created to make an important point. One about me getting rich. Now, I'm gonna need some pantyhose and a Santa sack.

PleaseRobMe

Thanks to DKNL, Griffin! and Amanda, who, meet me on the corner of 219 S. 2nd Street in 20 minutes.

Feb 18 2010 Sexy Spiderman Cosplay Fetish Video Thing

I have absolutely no idea what the hell I just watched, but I have the feeling it's the reason the internet was invented. Bonus black-suit Spidey after the jump. Just lookin' out for you, loverboy.

Hit it for the other vid. You know you wanna.

Continue Reading " Sexy Spiderman Cosplay Fetish Video Thing "

Feb 18 2010 Plus It Makes You Look Super Cool: TV Hat

I know, two hat posts in a row, what can I say -- it must be your lucky day. Besides the one you met me. Which, you better not have washed your hand after we shook! :( But you said you wouldn't. Anyway, the TV hat is a $20 hat that has a clear pocket you put your iPod in and little shades that come down on the sides so you can watch your iPod glare free and walk into poles and manholes and get robbed and stuff. Safe!

Essentially a baseball hat with an extended visor, the TV hat has a pocket at the end of the lid for your portable player. One it's inside, you pull down the black canvas material velcroed under the lid, creating blinders and blocking out the sun. Underneath the lid is a rectangular magnifying glass that flips down that supposedly "enhances" visibility. There are openings for your earphones, too.

Wow, that sounds like something I absolutely, positively must have. Honestly, I'm bored of looking at the real world anyways. It's all ugly people and old people and, sometimes, ugly old people. Bad combo right there. One time an old lady tried talking to me that had a beard and a hair growing out of her nose that was at least an inch long. Not out of the nostril either, the actual top of her nose. I puked in my mouth. I may be going to hell, but I puked in my mouth.

Terrible commercial for the thing after the jump.

Continue Reading " Plus It Makes You Look Super Cool: TV Hat "

Feb 18 2010 THAT'S GANGSTA!: Shiny Transformer Hats

Looking to make a statement? A shiny statement that'll probably blind me while I'm trying to drive? Don't think I won't crash into you. I will crash into you. And you won't get a penny of my insurance money. Namely because I don't have any. Haha, what do you mean that's illegal in my state? You're illegal in my state!

Wanna Join My Transformers Street Gang? [gizmodo]

Thanks to emerica, who I just realized is a female despite the fact I've been referring to her as a guy forever. Sorry about that.

Feb 18 2010 No, NO, NOOOOOOOO!!: The Hug E Gram

From the 'There's No Way F***ing Way This is Actually A Real Product, Please God Tell Me This Is A Fake Commercial' department comes the Hug E Gram, by far the biggest piece of shit I've seen in recent history (and I stepped in Bigfoot scat hiking over the weekend).

The patent pending Hug-E-Gram consists of two soft plush cotton arms with cartoon hands that are held together by an elastic band. They are stuffed with a polyester fiber to create a soft and cuddly hug giving a heartwarming feeling. Each arm is 32 inches in length and the Hug-E-Gram is held in place with velcro strips so that one size will fit all.

Even when you can't be with them, they can still experience your loving embrace. The Hug E Gram is the warmest, most personal gift you can share.

"The warmest, most personal gift you can share"? Really? Because I'm pretty sure I've already got that, and it makes it burn when I urinate. Also, do you have to buy two if your special someone is , how should we say, larger? Because I refuse. Wrap it around your leg, God.

Official Site

Thanks to Jenny, who's sticking to real hugs.

Feb 18 2010 Great, They're After Out Pets: The Litter Robot

The Litter Robot is a $330 mechanical litterbox that your cat will ignore and begin shitting behind the couch instead. I just ordered two (one for me, one for the dog). Basically the whole damn thing rotates and sifts the litter, depositing waste in a pan below the unit. It's simple, it's easy, it's robotic! I hate it. A testimonial:

I was so tickled by how fast she adjusted

Thursday, 21 January, 2010 | Category: Testimonials

I literally had to hold her back while I added litter to the unit. She immediately walked into the Litter Robot and proceeded to pee and poop...I even used a different litter and filled it all the way. Still she jumped right in and did not mind me watching.

LOLWUT?! That's one special litterbox! (I just ordered another for my female roommate)

Product Site

Thanks to Pat, Greg and the people who sent me this a long time ago whose emails I couldn't find, this scoops for you. Oh, got a turd!

Feb 18 2010 For The Ladies: A Purse That Grows Plants

I don't really keep up with women's fashion ever since my petition for toplessness was shot down in Congress, but I do know that plants are good. They like, photosynthesize and stuff and that's good for us because of something to do with nitrous oxide. Ha, did I say nitrous? I did, and I meant it. Oh my God it sounds like I'm in a spaceship. Quick, pull my teeth!

Woolly Vagabond is the living breathing handbag. He gracefully hangs from the ceiling and stands on the table. Best of all, he travels about town. He's your personal breath of fresh air and will accompany you to the museum, on picnics and out to dinner.

Just like all Pockets, Woolly Vagabond promotes healthy plant growth via breathable sides which release excess moisture and aerate soil. He also has a built-in moisture barrier to help keep your car seat and café table dry.

A Woolly Vagabond will set you back $150. Alternatively, head down to the bus station and pick one up for free. Cross your fingers for a junkie! I managed to pick one that already smells like fertilizer. I'm gonna grow weed in him!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to the product site.

Continue Reading " For The Ladies: A Purse That Grows Plants "

Feb 18 2010 AWESOME: Atlas V Rocket Sonic Shockwave

NOTE: Best viewed at Youtube in 720p.

This is a video of the recent Atlas V liftoff and subsequent sonic boom. The cool thing though is you can actually see the shockwaves when the rocket goes supersonic. The whole thing is worth a watch, but the money shot starts at 1:50 (and is replayed a couple times after). Also, who thought the bird at 0:53 was definitely getting hit? I did, and I have incredible depth perception. Reminded me of Space-Bat. Which, dammit, I told myself I wouldn't cry. Stay strong, GW, stay strong. RWWWAAAAAAR!! *CRASH* Holy shit I just threw a bus. Of school children terrorists. Yeah, I'm a hero (give me a 10 minute head-start before notifying the school).

Youtube

Thanks to Metallisteve, half file-sharing hating rock band, half Steven.

Feb 18 2010 Big Brother Creepy Uncle: School Officials Spy On Students At Home Via Webcam

Apparently a school in Pennsylvania issued students laptops and then used them to spy on the children while they were used at home, hoping to score some insight into the child's extracurricular lives lewd webcam shows.

According to the filings in Blake J Robbins v Lower Merion School District (PA) et al, the laptops issued to high-school students in the well-heeled Philly suburb have webcams that can be covertly activated by the schools' administrators, who have used this facility to spy on students and even their families. The issue came to light when the Robbins's child was disciplined for "improper behavior in his home" and the Vice Principal used a photo taken by the webcam as evidence. The suit is a class action, brought on behalf of all students issued with these machines.

Yeah because that's not suspect as all get-out. *cough* Pederasts *cough*. Say, you think my laptop has something like that on it? Because if it did, oh man, the things you would see. Namely, me writing Geekologie. In the buff. Which, fun fact: can't be unseen. And you wouldn't want it to be. Yes, yes you most certainly would.

School used student laptop webcams to spy on them at school and home [boingboing]

Thanks to Kamaren, who uses his webcam to spy on himself at night because he sleepwalks and can't figure out why his socks are always wet in the morning. You're peeing in your dresser, Kamaren.

Feb 18 2010 DO WANT: Adidas Darth Vader Track Jacket

We've all known about the line of Adidas Star Wars merchandise for awhile, but who knew they were gonna drop such a fresh Vader track jacket? Not me, and I know pretty much everything (I'm a college professor in every subject). The $100 abdomen candy even comes WITH A DETACHABLE CAPE AND BREAST PLATE! Unfortunately, you're gonna have to breath heavy on your own. Which shouldn't be a problem for you. Remember that time at the mall when the escalator was broken? You were wheezing.

Product Site
via
Darth Vader Track Jacket finds your lack of warmth... disturbing [dvice]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, whose nerdy closet is jam-packed with Vader track jackets. Plus Members Only ones. Jealous!

Feb 18 2010 ShadyURL Creates, Well, Shady URLs

ShadyURL is a simple website. You go, enter another website's URL, and, just like magic (it might actually BE magic), it creates a highly questionable URL that links to the same site. It's really a great way to get fired or put on a government watch list if that's what you're shooting for. Me? I'm shooting for that laughing dog in Duck Hunt. LIKE YOU COULD DO ANY BETTER, JERK. No kibble for you.

ShadyURL

Thanks to Clinton, who's too good to actually send tips and posts them on Geekologie's Facebook wall instead. *poke*

Feb 17 2010 Aha!: New Space Station Viewing Module Actually A TIE Fighter Cockpit

This just in: the new viewing module added to the International Space Station is actually a refurbished TIE fighter cockpit. You heard it here first. Also, I'm the world's greatest lover and have a body that could make Adonis cry tears of pure abs. What -- you already heard that? Was it written in a bathroom stall? Yeah I did that.

Picture [nasa]

Thanks to Sister Angus McBastard, one hell of a holy sandwich. And Ryan, who took the time to make the mashup pic. Good lookin', Ryan. Really, you are.

Feb 17 2010 Wasabi Fire Detector Alerts You To Danger With The Smell Of Deliciousness

The Wasabi Fire Detector alerts you to the danger of fire with the smell of delicious condimentation. Provided you can smell it over all the smoke. And remembered to replace the batteries after you took them out that time you accidentally burnt a bag of popcorn. Actually, the alarm was designed with the deaf in mind.

So a Japanese company called Air Water Safety Service has developed a new type of fire alarm that uses smell instead of sound. More specifically, it uses the chemical compound allyl isothiocyanate, which you'll find in horseradish and wasabi, in specific quantities so as to wake someone up without giving them a burning sensation in their eyes.

In testing the alarm has been found to be effective in a room roughly about 50 square feet in size, waking someone up with smell alone in about 2 and a half minutes. Not exactly springing out of bed mind you, but it does seem to work. Unfortunately the $560 price tag has meant the units aren't exactly flying off the shelves, but the company hopes a redesign can bring the price down to a slightly more reasonable, but still kind of expensive, $225.

I happened to get a model to test, so I'm gonna start a fire in a trashcan and get into bed. I'll let you know how it goes.

PORK CHOP SANDWICHES!! SUSHI!!

Wasabi Smell Smoke Alarms [ohgizmo]

Feb 17 2010 The Science Of Getting Kicked In The Gonads

This is a video of a guy taking an 1,100 pound kick square in the nuts. By an MMA fighter. For science. Or, I dunno, maybe he gets off on that. Who am I to judge? I'm just a man who once stopped a runaway 18-wheeler by laying his penis across the highway. My heroics aside, this is a video explaining what happens to your body when you get kicked in the nuts. SPOILER ALERT: nothing good. Plus pain. Looooots of pain.

The Science of a Dude Taking a 1,100-Pound 'World Record' Kick to the Balls [gizmodo]

Feb 17 2010 SheldonShirts: Where To Buy All The Shirts Sheldon Wears On 'The Big Bang Theory'

Looking for a shirt Sheldon wore on 'The Big Bang Theory'? Well you're in luck, because SheldonShirts.com is a visual database of the tees and includes links to the product pages. So, yeah, now you can brag to your friends you're wearing the same shirt as Sheldon. Which, I don't know know how I feel about that. Besides awesome! Look I'm wearing a Sheldon shirt! Plus Adam pants. You know, Adam -- of 'Garden of Eden' fame. It's a fig leaf an entire rainforest and still isn't big enough to cover me.

SheldonShirts

Thanks to Deacon, who was really mean to Blade and tried to kill him.

Feb 17 2010 That Is So Clever!: Dexter-Dexter Mashup

This is a mashup picture of Dexter from Dexter's Lab and Dexter from that show Dexter about the serial killer. I've seen a shit-ton of Dexter's Lab but only one episode of Dexter because he reminds me too much of myself and that makes me nervous because I don't want to kill anybody else. I SAID I DON'T WANT TO I DIDN'T SAY I WOULDN'T. I'm coming for you (leave a key under the mat, please). Also, if you could take these sleeping pills that would be great. Wait -- those are my vitamins.

Dexter-Dexter [loldwell]

Thanks to michael, who would kill you for an In-N-Out burger right now.

Feb 17 2010 Hasbro Releasing 24" AT-AT Toy This Fall

That's right, Star Wars fans, Hasbro is releasing a whole bunch of new Star Wars toys this year, including this 24" AT-AT. It'll set you back around $100. Unless you steal it. Then, depending on whether you use a weapon and have any prior convictions, it could cost upwards of 10-20 (plus your butt's v-card).

In space, size does matter, and Hasbro certainly kept that in mind when creating its all-new, highly detailed Star Wars AT-AT. The AT-AT (All Terrain Armored Transport) played a significant role in the Empire's military assault in The Empire Strikes Back, and it will play an equally important role in every fan's toy collection this year! Measuring more than 24 inches tall, nearly 28 inches long, and 12 inches wide, this colossal vehicle holds up to 20 Star Wars figures -- 6 of which can fit in its head alone! -- and includes so many play and electronic features true to its on-screen counterpart that it's hard to believe! From the zip-line in its body and articulated legs for superb poseability, to its LED lights and authentic movie sounds and phrases, this is the must-have addition for Star Wars fans of all ages. Includes a 3.75 inch AT-AT driver action figure and a pop-out speeder bike.

Size does matter -- really? THIS IS A KIDS TOY -- leave the sexual euphemisms at home! That said, I'm totally buying one of these for my son. And, more than likely, HOLY SHIT I HAVE A SON?!

Hit the jump for another shot and a link to the page detailing all the new toys that are dropping.

Continue Reading " Hasbro Releasing 24" AT-AT Toy This Fall "

Feb 17 2010 I'm Gonna Crush You!: Custom Treads Turn Any Car Into A Tank

This is a video of some sort of Russian-made chassis that turns your car into a treaded vehicle. I'm not sure how it connects or if you have to take the wheels off, but I do know I want one. Just not as bad as I want a kit that turns my car into a monster truck. 20's? Pleeeeaase, I'm rollin' on 200's fool!

Russian 'strap-on tank' turns any car into a monster [dvice]

Feb 17 2010 For The Ladies: Twilight Character Dummies

Tired of clutching a dog-eared copy of New Moon to your bosom to fall asleep at night? Well fear not, pathetic, because now you can buy $35 homemade Twilight character "manllows".

For all the twilight [sic] crazed lonely women in the world, Jacob Black is finally here to be with you and only you. Sleep with him, cuddle with him, use him as a neck rest, the Jacob Manllow is there to be your man and pillow all in one. Don't worry, in the Manllow world, all men are of age.

No. No no no no no. "Twilight dummy" jokes aside, you've got to admit these have nothing on my Legolas manllow. Isn't that right, my sexy little archer? You shot me right through the heart.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the travesty.

Continue Reading " For The Ladies: Twilight Character Dummies "

Feb 17 2010 Old News: Tricky Newspaper Laptop Sleeve

This is a MacBook sleeve that looks like a newspaper. That way you won't get robbed unless somebody is stealing old newspapers, WHICH HAPPENS. Alternatively, wrap your laptop in newsprint. The protective carrier comes in four different foreign language models and will set you back around $82. Which is a lot for an old newspaper, unless it says something like 'LINCOLN SHOT!' on the front page. Then it's worth more.

Product Site

Thanks to Shea, whose butter makes my skin feel rejuvenated.

Feb 17 2010 Don't Carbonite Me, Bro!: Another Jabba Cake

This is a Jabba the Hutt cake made for somebody's birthday. I would eat it, despite all the diseases he's undoubtedly carrying BECAUSE I'M A RISK TAKER.

This is my birthday cake this year -- Jabba the Hutt. A friend of the family kindly made this for us and I think she did a fantastic job (she also made my iPhone cake 3 years ago). My four-year-old son likes Jabba's son Rotta and requested that the cake have Jabba and Rotta hugging, so that's what we did. :) Jabba is made of chocolate cake, chocolate fudge, and fondant.

I mean Jabba looks okay but you know what really got me? The 'Happy Birthday' there. I thought it was Photoshop text at first but that shit is totally fondant. I'm calling the Y! Seriously, I want to know what time the pool opens.

HIt the jump for several more including one of the cake post-cut.

Continue Reading " Don't Carbonite Me, Bro!: Another Jabba Cake "

Feb 16 2010 Sweet-Ass Augmented Reality Dragon Tattoo

Want a badass dragon tattoo but worried what your mom will think? Fear not, because now you can get a square instead, and, when you video-chat your special lady-friend on the interwebs, BOOM, IT'S A FLYING DRAGON! You are so hardcore! Of course, not as hardcore as I am because I just had one of those little winged-lizards implanted under my skin. He was in my arm, but I can feel him crawling around in chest now which, oh God -- oh God *chest bursts* ALIIIIIIEEEEEEN!! Kidding, kidding, winged-lizard.

Youtube
via
Augmented Reality Tattoo turns your body into virtual art [dvice]

Thanks to mchl, who has a real dragon tattoo that flaps its wings when he flexes. Now that's cool.

Feb 16 2010 I...Don't Get it: Conceptual Police Stilettos

Um, yeah, shoes designed to look like the podiatric lovechild of a Lamborghini police car and stiletto heels. That's something. Something I'll pay you $200 to wear and Riverdance on my nuts.

We live in an explosive time for fashion. Bright lights, low brow, express yourself. Applause is given to those who don't hold back. That's what these shoes are all about, if you ask me. Absolute wonderfulness embodied in a shoe. Anyone who looks at these (assuming they someday exist in the real world) must stop in wonder. Wow, what am I even looking at! These are a sight to behold!

Huh? That's less coherent than what I write and I usually just close my eyes and pound my fists on the keyboard like a child begging to be fed. Which *ahem* these green beans aren't gonna fly themselves to my lips, a-hole!

Hit the jump for some ridiculous closeups.

Continue Reading " I...Don't Get it: Conceptual Police Stilettos "

Feb 16 2010 ROFL: Keyboard Has LOL, BRB, L8R Buttons

The undeniable pinnacle of computer peripherals, the Fast Fingers keyboard is a $20 example of the opposite of that. It does allow you to choose between a standard QWERTY keyboard layout and an alphabetically ordered one though. But is that all? NO SIR, BECAUSE IF YOU ORDER IN THE NEXT 15-MINUTES I'LL THROW IN THE ABILITY TO ACTIVE 12 DIFFERENT HOTKEYS TO TYPE THINGS LIKE 'ASAP', 'CYA', 'THX', 'THC', 'PCP', 'YOUDOWNWITHOPP?' and 'YEAHYOUKNOWME'. Well hotdog and coldcat my friends this sounds like an unbelievable deal! Can you tell I belong on QVC? Because I do. Also on the front of $3 bills.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the -- now where's that 'POS' key?

Continue Reading " ROFL: Keyboard Has LOL, BRB, L8R Buttons "

Feb 16 2010 Wisconsin Na'vi LARPing Documentary

This is a short documentary about the Na'vi people of Hometree, Wisconsin. In case you couldn't tell, it's a parody and probably incredibly offensive to you real Na'vi. So yeah, shame on them for poking fun you. And, in your defense, it wasn't particularly funny, and I regret the 5 minutes I spent watching it. Which is nothing compared to the 162 minutes I pissed away watching Avatar. REVERSE BURN! Kidding, still haven't seen it. You're not sticking your hand in my pocket, James Cameron! Ooooh, so you are. *tee-hee* That tickles!

Youtube
via
Live Avatar Role Playing: LARPers Recreate Na'vi Life In 'Hometree', Wisconsin [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to Gabe to the Power of PEW!, who once bulldozed a neighbor's tree just to spite him for not mowing his grass.

Feb 16 2010 Dragons Exist, Much Smaller Than Expected

This is all over the news right now but I don't really understand why because I've known about gliding-lizards (not to mention Komodos) forever. Sure I was an amateur herpetologist growing up and have never had a girl in my bedroom, but one time two of my sister's friends stood in the foyer while they were waiting for her to get ready, so that's something.

Anyway, this lil guy is being hailed as a dragon because he's reptilian and has wings. Sure he couldn't flap them to save his life and can't breathe fire for shit, but that's not the point. The point it -- wait, what was the point? Oh, right. I'd still let a half dozen loose in my pants.

Indonesian Dragon [neatorama]

Thanks to Gordon, martin, Battlestar Caligula and Jeffrey, who have all read 'Three Tracks in the Sand' by Dick Dragon and could tell it was about me.

Feb 16 2010 Plus You Look Cool: Supine Reading Glasses

I'm pretty sure these $50 Supine Reading Glasses have been around for awhile because I remember using them to look up girls' skirts while breakdancing, but here they are, just in case you didn't know they existed. Think of them as periscopes. Really dorky-ass periscopes you wear to bed. Booboobooboop -- booboobooboop.

Reading while lying down tends to involve propping your head up with uncomfortable pillow arrangements, often with your neck bent in angles that will result in a moderate amount of pain the following day. These reading glasses bend light 90º to save you that trouble.

Not to brag or anything, but did you know one time I strong-armed light and bent it 365º? Because I did. Sure it created a worm-hole and swallowed my neighbor's cat, but NO, FOR THE LAST TIME I SWEAR TO GOD THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED I DID NOT BACK OVER HIM (what kind of animal falls asleep behind a f***ing tire?!).

Product Site
via
Supine Reading Glasses Reduce Need to Raise Head [uberreview]

Feb 16 2010 Yes!: RC Millennium Falcon Becomes Reality

Been praying night and day for an RC Millennium Falcon roflcopter thingy? Well God must love you, my friend, because that shit's coming this fall. For $50. From Hasbro -- and here comes my left blow, cause I'm the E-A-Z-Y-G and this is the season to let the real muthaf***in' GW's in. Ha, can you believe I just did that? I'm not.

Han Solo once bragged that the Millennium Falcon made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs...and now fans can give it their best shot with the all-new Star Wars R/C MILLENNIUM FALCON! For the first time ever, the MILLENNIUM FALCON -- the most beloved and iconic Star Wars ship of all-time -- is available as an indoor flying remote control vehicle. Measuring an impressive 11 inches long and 8 inches wide, the largest flying Star Wars R/C to date is highly detailed, easy to fly and includes a charging controller and vehicle battery for up to five minutes of flying time.

You know, this will be perfect for recreating scenes from Star Wars in my upcoming fan-film. Provided I don't fly it into the ceiling fan, which, let's be honest, I haven't paid my electricity bill in three months.

Hasbro's New RC Flying Millennium Falcon [starwarsblog]

Thanks to Monica and mrHiggins, who made the Kessel Run in 9 parsecs and still stopped at a Krispy Creme because the 'HOT NOW' light was on.

Feb 16 2010 Titilating Tuesdays: Sexy Bodypaint Cosplay

This is a picture of four womens bodypainted (NSFW) as comic book characters. They are, from left to right: The Green Lanterness, Lightning Bug, your dad and Token Stripper. Haha, do I know my superheroines or what? I do. Also, how many fingers you're holding up. Four. Don't ask how I do it (internet magic, booooi!).

Hit the jump for the uncensored version.

Continue Reading " Titilating Tuesdays: Sexy Bodypaint Cosplay "

Feb 16 2010 Beats Me: World's Largest Lightsaber Fight?

This is a video of a flashmob lightsaber fight that took place over the weekend at a mall in Britain. Now I'm not saying I would have screamed and soiled my pants had I been in the midst of all that, but I would have robbed the nearest jewelry store and blamed it on Luke Lightsaber over there.

Over 100 Star Wars fans broke into an an massively epic lightsaber fight in Bristols Cabot Circus, a shopping mall in Bristol, England. The flashmob was organized online through facebook, and took place on February 13th 2010.

Over 100 people is all it takes to be the world's largest lightsaber fight? I would have figured it would at least take 1,000. But what do I know about world records? Besides, oh I don't know, WORLD'S FASTEST LOVER! Aaaaand I'm good.

Hit the jump for a longer, more professional video.

Continue Reading " Beats Me: World's Largest Lightsaber Fight? "

Feb 16 2010 Awesome Composite Shot Of Total Eclipse

This is a shot of a total eclipse (unfortunately, not of the heart) showing the sun playing hide and seek behind the moon (very worthwhile high-res shot HERE). If you look close enough, you can even see an alien in the bottom left corner. Keep looking.

This stunning solar eclipse is a composite of nine images (taken with a Canon 200mm lens) and 38 eclipse images layered over one another. The eclipse occurred in July.

The image shows how magnetic waves emanate from the sun in brilliant nano-flares.

Admittedly the picture is badass, but I wonder about all the compositing that goes these days. I mean, who's to say what's real and holy shit you think you could make one of the sun where you can kind of see my face in it? Oh, no reason. (I'm starting a cult)

Total Eclipse, Totally Cool [foxnews]

Thanks to JW, only three letters different (and a whole lot handsomer) than yours truly.

Feb 15 2010 Bacon Turtles: The Perfect Food Group?

This is a group of Cheesy Bacon Turtles after sunning themselves in the oven. They look pretty disgusting but I'm sure like they taste like a little salmonella-y slice of heaven. Just don't tell the Ninja Turtles I said that (I still owe Michelangelo for the last bag we split).

Picture

Thanks to bowzee and MalfunctionX, who eat cheesy bacon turtle soup like it's their job. Because it is. Shredder makes them.

Feb 15 2010 But What If It Lightsabers My Hands Off?: Sanitizing Your Digits With Plasma Gas

Apparently a bunch of labs are working on a device that can sanitize your hands with plasma gas so you stop shaking my hand with penis-palm after using the bathroom. Ha, like you'd even use it! You make me sick.

The idea of plasma gas may have you thinking twice about sticking your hand in this box, but at room temperature and pressure and in the controlled environment its in, it can get your hand -- from your skin to under your fingernails -- entirely sterilized in under four seconds.

The technology is geared toward hospitals, hotels and the service industry, where cleanliness is key. Plasma-cleaning itself isn't new as it's been used to sterilize medical instruments for years, but to use it on human tissue several advancements in both the way plasma gas is handled and the technology behind industrial hand sanitizers had to be made.

I dunno, I'm a soap and scalding water kind of guy. Actually, I don't give a shit what you use to clean your hands after pissing AS LONG AS YOU DO. You know how many guys don't wash their hands after handling their dong? All of them. Except me.

This little black box cleans your hands with plasma gas [dvice]

Thanks to Genebank and mrHiggins, who wash their hands in lava and dry them in the sun. Hardcore, HARDCORE!

Feb 15 2010 Zzzzzzzzzz: The Workaholic Pillow Book

The Workaholic Pillow Book isn't so much a book as a bound pillow. A $62 bound pillow. Still, if your boss is stupid enough to think you're reading when you're actually asleep at your desk, I want your job. You have a designated parking spot, right? Well I think I just backed into you.

Product Site
via
Workaholic Pillow Is The Only Textbook You'll Really Need For Higher Learning [ohgizmo]

Feb 15 2010 It's All Jibberish To Me: German Droid Ad

No matter how many times I hear it, the German language never ceases to amaze me. Of course, most Germans would probably say the same thing about me because my language sounds so unusual. You see, I only speak the language of love. Gooch tickle boobie rub. My amorous grammar aside, this is a German Droid commercial. I don't want to ruin the surprise ending for you, but I'm going to if you don't have the self-control to watch it before reading this: The other cellphone throws itself out the window. Not unlike my WiiMote did when I couldn't beat Bowser on the 10,000th try of the final castle in the new Mario. Except he broke a window too. Then got high and ate the last of my Bagel Bites. Expect a bill, Nintendo.

Youtube

Thanks to Joscha, who has never experienced phone-envy because he has the latest and greatest in space-phone technology: a laser cell.

Feb 15 2010 Chinese Gangs Now Rocking Hand-Shotguns

The latest rage in Taiwanese gang weaponry? Shotgun revolvers. F*** all that noise! Seriously, I imagine they're pretty loud.

Home made handgun revolvers using standard 12 gauge shotgun shells are becoming increasingly popular with Taiwanese gang members, and this one was confiscated from a 19 year old gang gun runner.

While it's not the first shotgun shell revolver, Taurus makes one called the Judge, this is the only one I've encountered that fires a regular 12 gauge round.

The going street price for one of these suckers in Taiwan is around $7000-9000, just in case you're tempted.

$7-9K?! Are you out of your gotdamn mind? I know a guy that'll stab you with the sharpened leg of a barstool for a carton of Pall Malls and a good reference. I'm serious, call me.

Hit the jump for one more shot(!)

Continue Reading " Chinese Gangs Now Rocking Hand-Shotguns "

Feb 15 2010 Quality Merchandising: Iron Man 2 Operation

Remember playing Operation growing up? Yeah, it gave me heart murmurs, especially when I'd just replaced the 'D' batteries. BZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!. Anyway, this is a new version, cleverly branded with Iron Man. Nice, but I'm passing. You see, I don't play Operation anymore, only Doctor. You down? Okay cool, turn your head and cough.

"Just Make Sure You Don't Touch the Sid-" *ZAP* [gizmodo]

Thanks to emerica, who could never get the butterfly in the stomach. Curse that thing.

Feb 15 2010 Wood Block Clock: Say That 10 Times Fast

Haha, how many of you actually tried? I did, and I didn't even screw up once. I mean, not to brag or anything but: TOY BOAT, TOY BOAT, TOY BOYT, TOY BOYT, TWOY BOYT!! Awh, shit. Do-over?

Totally minimal block of wood with digital numbers floating across the surface. These clever clocks have a very thin layer of real maple wood veneer that permits the LEDs to shine through. Each one is slightly different due to the natural variation in wood grain.

The clocks, similar in design to these rulers, are real and available from SUCK UK for $157. Alternatively, save yourself $157 and nail your cell phone to a log. Which, great for a snack and fits on your back, just sayin'.

Product Page

Thanks to kira, who doesn't need a wooden block clock because she has one of those glass bong-y things with the sand in it. Haha, yeah, an hourglass.

Feb 15 2010 What In The...Why You Naughty Lil Cemetery!

I took the liberty of off-centering the map a little so in case your boss walks by you're not blatantly staring at a giant man-hammer in the middle of your screen. Not that you wouldn't be anyways because you're a pervert, but you're not getting fired on my watch. Dammit, I need you. Mostly to take the blame for things. What? Don't look at me -- it was him, IT WAS HIM!

Google Maps

Thanks to Bret, who refuses to be buried under a giant johnson.

Feb 15 2010 Hydrogen Airships: Future Of Luxury Transport

Ever wanted to float around the world in a pyramidal airship filled with enough hydrogen to burst into flames and OH THE HUMANITY!

Towering kite-shaped airships could herald a new era of luxury transport following the introduction of the Aircruise concept. Standing 30 metres taller than One Canada Square in Canary Wharf, packing 330,000 cubic metres of hydrogen gas and capable of lifting 396 tonnes, the Aircruise concept features penthouse apartments, bars and dizzying glass viewing floors

Silent and pollution free, the Aircruise combines solar power with a primary hydrogen drive for a cruising speed of around 90mph

Aircruise was created as the antithesis of a hurried, crowded passenger jet. London-based design and innovation company Seymourpowell wanted to rethink transport - on the premise 'slow is the new fast'

"Slow is the new fast", really? Because, at least according my love-making, fast is the new -- honey why are you crying? What do you mean, "small isn't the new adequate" either? YOU KNOW MY PUMP BROKE.

Aircruise: giant hydrogen airships could herald a new era in luxury travel [telegraph]

Thanks to Doug The 64 Year Old Roommate, who may or may not have died on the couch a week ago (I'm gonna poke him with a stick if he doesn't move by Wednesday).

Feb 15 2010 Not Enough Meat: Raptor Eats Cheerleader

This is a video of the Toronto Raptor's mascot eating a cheerleader during the halftime show. Unfortunately, the mascot is one of those goofy inflatable suits and not an actual raptor, making it infinitely less cool than I had imagined before watching. Or buying this one-way ticket to Toronto. Dammit.

Youtube

Thanks to Chris, Jack, Johnny Crow, El Gabo, Jon and my brother Frank, who all agree there's not enough meat on a cheerleader's bones to make it worth the effort.

Feb 14 2010 Palestinian Na'vi Protest Separation Barrier

This is a group of Palestinian Na'vi protesting a separation barrier Israel has in place. I actually have no idea what a separation barrier is. Unless it's anything like a restraining order, in which case DAMNIT JULIE YOU KNOW I WALK MY DOG ON THAT STREET.

The demonstrators also donned long hair and loincloths Friday for the weekly protest against the barrier near the village of Bilin.

They equated their struggle to the intergalactic one portrayed in the film.

Israel says the barrier is needed for its security. Palestinians consider it a land grab.

The "Avatar" protest comes a day after the Israeli government began rerouting the enclosure to eat up less of the Palestinian village.

Did you know one time I dressed as a Smurf to protest my neighbor calling the cops every time he caught me stealing his electricity? I did. It wasn't very effective, but I did break a window and flood his basement with a garden hose when he was on vacation. Don't f*** with me, Gargamel!

Palestinian protesters pose as Na'vi from "Avatar" [thedailyitem]
and
Palestinians dressed as the Na'vi from the film Avatar stage a protest against Israel's separation barrier [telegraph]

Thanks to Victor, CRIME, Grace and Shawn34, who protest the old fashioned way: dressed as Klingons. Nanu-nanu.

Feb 14 2010 Chrono Trigger/Super Mario World Mashup

Aha! I always knew there was a connection between the Super Mario and Chrono Trigger universes, and this proves it. It also proves I'm the world's handsomest blogger and have a brain that would make Einstein's turn in its jar of formaldehyde. So, yeah, dip your joint in that and smoke it BUT PLEASE DON'T KIDS BECAUSE I'M NOT GONNA BE HELD RESPONSIBLE WHEN YOU END UP RETARDED.

Super Mario World / Chrono Trigger Crossover Explains Everything [pressthebuttons]

Thanks to GuamOtoko, who's convinced there's a connection between Hyrule and Azeroth. Pfft, you're crazy.

Feb 14 2010 222 T-Shirts, One Cool Stop-Motion Video

T-Shirt Wars is a stop-motion video made by lovers duo Rhett&Link. It took 222 shirts to create plus two sperm and quite possibly one in vitro fertilization because Rhett there kind of strikes me as a test-tube baby. Not that there's anything wrong with that (I was born in a graduated cylinder).

Youtube

Thanks to Yopoleo, chris, Jessica and Luke Hoverounder, who know the only good t-shirt war is a wet one. Can't argue there (can I be a judge?).

Feb 14 2010 Happy Valentine's You Filthy Love Machines

February 14th: A day invented by Hallmark to ensure I'll never live up to my girlfriend's expectations (it's true, Mayan calendars skip straight from Feb. 13 to Feb. 15). I hope you're having a good one and spending it with the one you love. Or at least looking at pictures of her on Facebook and sobbing while she's out to dinner with her boyfriend. Hey, it happens. Happy Valentine's Day, may yours be filled with all the love possible. And sex. Dirty, kinky sex. Now, where'd I put that saddle?

Someecards (the best online cards for any occassion)

Thanks to you, the reader, for filling my heart with joy and hate every single day.

Feb 13 2010 Uh, Honey?!: Checking Card Tracks Spending

Want to keep better track of your spending and don't know how to use your bank's website? Well you're in luck, thanks to the conceptual Live Checking Card. Actually, I guess you're not, CAUSE IT'S CONCEPTUAL.

The Live Checking Card represent a very interesting concept - it displays the accumulated spending amount on your card after every purchase. Clearly, the concept itself is nothing short of a nightmare for wives and girlfriends as it displays real time information of their shopping adventures. The underlying technology behind Live Checking Cards is e-ink, which checks your purchase history and matches them up with the bank account transactions using RFID.

I actually think this is a great idea. Except instead of just adding your accumulated totals it should give you a running balance of your account. Which, for me, is currently -$240.64. Just sayin', sugar daddy. Ladies?

Live Checking Cards: Watch Your Bills, Honey! [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Van, who doesn't need a conceptual check card cause he has real one. Lucky.

Feb 13 2010 Cat Uses Guitar Player For Free Scratches

This is a video of a cat rubbing itself against the hand of a guitar player. It's awesome. So awesome, in fact, I've decided to learn how to play the guitar so the cat will play with me. GOD KNOWS THE DOG WON'T DO IT. *ahem* Chloe. YOU HAVE AN UNDERBITE WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?!

Youtube
via
Icanhazcheezburger

Thanks to Marcia, who's so pretty all the woodland creatures come to her. Watch out for those bears, Marcia.

Feb 13 2010 Air Force Destroys Missile Midflight With PEW

The Air Force has been tooting their own horn after recently shooting down a ballistic missile with a plane-mounted laser-pewer. That's cool, but I've been able to do the same thing for years with my eyeballs. OH -- OH -- DON'T MAKE ME TAKE OFF THESE OAKLEYS!

The plane uses lasers to lock onto the missile and follow its trajectory and then brings it down with a single shot from its nose - all in a matter of seconds.

It is the first successful test of a futuristic, directed energy weapon and realises what had previously just been a science fiction fantasy.

Iran and North Korea could now be forced to alter their missile programmes to make them faster and to look at how to counter the laser beams.

Neat, but what I want to know is this: where was that missile headed and what would've happened if the pew didn't bring it down? Because I'd like to imagine IT WAS AIMED RIGHT AT YO FACE. Oooooh, burn. Wait, reader -- come back!

U.S. 'Star Wars' laser plane successfully shoots down ballistic missile for first time [dailymail]

Thanks to KMH, ChayGavvara, Alexis, Pepe le pew pew, Quintin, Dr. Haq and Captain_O!, who can blow up lasers with missiles. Marinate on that one.

Feb 13 2010 You Go Girl!: New Computer Engineer Barbie

Finally, after years of being a mis-proportioned strumpet, Barbie has finally put herself through college (stripping) and earned a Computer Engineering degree. I'm proud of you, Barbie (one more lap dance for old time's sake?).

Not only will Computer Engineer Barbie be attached to her shiny pink laptop and Bluetooth earpiece, but Mattel worked closely with the Society of Women Engineers to ensure that Barbie's fashions were as geek chic as possible. She sports a binary tee, black skinny pants, retro-styled glasses, and totes a smartphone along with her other essentials.

Way to go, Barbie. Say, is that a Tokyoflash watch? You're hipper than I thought you were! Kidding -- look at yourself. You're wearing a binary shirt with circuit board sleeves.

Barbie's New Career: Computer Engineer! [geeksugar]

Thanks to emerica, mimi and Bella, who could out-code Barbie with their eyes closed. Seriously, they're touch-typists.

Feb 12 2010 ZIPPITY ZAP!: Killing Mosquitos With Lasers

Remember the story about killing mosquitos with a laser shield? Well this is a short video of the proposed pew-pew shield in action. But, for the record, it still doesn't have shit on my bug-zapper. That's just quality entertainment. Oooh, quick -- a moth's catching fire!

When an invading insect is detected, our software identifies it by training a nonlethal laser beam on the bug and using that illumination to estimate the insect's size and also to measure how fast its wings are beating. Using this method, the system can not only distinguish among mosquitoes, butterflies, and bumblebees, but it can even determine whether a mosquito is male or female! (Females are significantly larger than males and have slower wingbeats.) This is useful because only female mosquitoes bite humans.

Our software is able to track a mosquito in flight once it establishes that it is a valid target. After running safety checks to ensure no unintended object is in view, the system activates a second, more powerful laser that zaps the mosquito, causing death either by damage to its DNA (an unconfirmed hypothesis) or by overheating. The energy levels and light frequencies used are not capable of damaging human tissue, but even so, we've built in safeguards that ensure that the system doesn't fire when anything much larger than a mosquito is in the photonic fence.

Impressive, but I still wouldn't wave my hand around in front of it. Just sayin', I remember that sonic force-field on LOST. F***ing thing repelled the black smoke, I'm not waving my dong between those towers. Yes, yes I am. This is how you become a superhero, right?

Intellectual Ventures Lab
via
BotJunkie
and
Youtube

Thanks to Mycropht, Tej, Ken, Clint, Bryan, Ste, Matt and UncleFUJ, who kill mosquitoes the old fashioned way: with fly swatters. You guys are so oldschool. I love it!

Feb 12 2010 eBay: Nintendo And 5 Games Sells For $13K

A Nintendo and five games recently sold on eBay for a staggering $13,105 (plus $13.95 shipping -- cheapskate!). Why? Because a Bandai 'Stadium Events' game BOX is worth $9,500. *cough* WHAT?

Stadium Events is incredibly rare, and the manual and (most importantly) the box even moreso. The value breaks down something like this:

$2,000-game
$1,500-manual
$9,500-box

Hello, local printing press? Yes, I was wondering if you could print cardboard? Oh, like the size of a box NES games used to come in. Awesome, I'm gonna send you some pictures I found on the internet. Now, do any of you Geekologie Readers have eBay and Paypal accounts? Okay cool, I'm gonna need your passwords. Say -- you happen to belong to any porn sites?

eBay Auction
via
Old Nintendo NES system and five games sell for $13,105 on eBay [boingboing]

Thanks to Vinson and Pete, who got outbid because they're slow. Like tortoises, but sexier.

Feb 12 2010 The $800 Lamp You're Supposed To Destroy

Looking for a ridiculously expensive lamp you're supposed to bang a bunch of holes in with a pick-hammer? Well you're in luck, because I just paper-mâché'd every lamp in my parent's house AND I AM OPEN FOR BUSINESS!

That's exactly the value proposition you'll get if you pick up artist Jordi Canudas' Less Lamp. You see, this pendant lighting fixture looks like a solid black hanging egg when you first receive it, letting exactly none of the light out into your room. But thanks to the included pick, you can chip your way through the delicate exterior eggshell and let the light shine out to your own liking.

Wow, reminds me of this chair. I think the two of them could really tie a room together. And speaking of which, mind if I do a J? Pfft -- I don't need your permission! But I do need your lighter. Give it to me.

Hit the jump for a pic of what happens when you bang it a little too much.

Continue Reading " The $800 Lamp You're Supposed To Destroy "

Feb 12 2010 Sausage Stylus Lets You Use A Touchscreen And Never Have To Remove Your Gloves

South Koreans, being the industrious people that they are, have discovered that you can substitute an individually packaged sausage to operate your iPhone or other touchscreen cellphone without ever having to take your gloves off. Plus, they make a great snack afterward! The sausages, not the Koreans. Now I know what you're thinking, "But GW, what if I don't have a pre-packaged sausage in my pocket?" And the answer to that, dear reader, is use the man's penis next to you. Trust me, one time I beat 8 levels of Bejeweled before guy got off the bus!

South Korea Discovers The Sausage Stylus [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Grissom, who has gloves that allow you can unwrap individual fingers. Cheater.

Feb 12 2010 Awesome: Hunter S. Thompson's Complaint Call To Home Theater Installation Company

NOTE: AUDIO CONTAINS NSFW LANGUAGE (TELL ME YOU DIDN'T EXPECT IT NOT TO)

Hunter S. Thompson, a journalist after my own heart, couldn't work his new JVC DVD player after his new home theater was installed, and decided to call the installation company and verbally abuse them. Smart, Mr. Thompson, but did you try riddling all the equipment with bullets first? Haha, do I know you or what?! Miss you, Hunter.

Hunter S Thompson goes gonzo trying to work his home theater [dvice]

Feb 12 2010 Pass The Butter: GIANT CRAB IS GIANT!!

Anybody else just flash back to Half Life? Me neither, it was a Dead concert. Anyway, this is a giant f***ing Japanese Spider Crab. It was recently caught off the coast of -- you'll never guess -- Japan, and will be on display in England. I bet my ex-wife has bigger ones.

With its enormous legs and lethal claws, this monster of the deep is already the biggest crab ever seen in Britain.

But astonishingly, the arthropod - which measures a staggering 10ft from claw to claw - is still growing, and could live until it is 100.

Nicknamed 'Crabzilla' after the fictional giant monster, the Japanese Spider Crab has a body the size of a basketball and its legs can straddle a car. They will eventually measure a massive 15ft [across].

Crabzilla is currently in quarantine, but will be on display at the National Sea Life Centre in Birmingham, England soon. Ultimately, he will be moved to the Sea Life Center in Blankenberge, Belgium, where he will be stolen and eaten by the Geekologie Writer. I am gonna crack those legs open OVER MY KNEE.

'Crabzilla': The biggest crab ever seen in Britain... and it's still growing [dailymail]

Thanks to jack, who had one of these crawl out the bottom of his boxers and try to eat his socks.

Feb 12 2010 They All Look Good To Me: Man Seeks Disguised Weapons, Upset With Reply

Jeff posted an online ad looking for disguised weapons so he can attack people without their knowing. Unfortunately, Mike replied to his ad with some DIY weaponry. Jeff was not impressed. This is the knife Mike offered him, but hit the jump to see a sweet handgun, rifle and shotgun he was also willing to part with. I don't get it, they all look good to me. Geez Jeff, go get yourself a damn belt sword. Just don't forget you're wearing it when you feel like getting kinky in the bedroom. I've gone through had a friend go through two call girls already. Sliced their buttcheeks clean off.

Hit the jump for the rest of the hilarity.

Continue Reading " They All Look Good To Me: Man Seeks Disguised Weapons, Upset With Reply "

Feb 12 2010 Man Takes Bat To 29 Flatscreens At Walmart

Westley Strellis decided to test the durability of flatscreen televisions at a Georgia Walmart. With a metal baseball bat (also great for repairs) he scored from the sporting goods section. None of them passed his test. Good to know, Westley -- want a ride to Best Buy?

Youtube

Thanks to Bekka, Van, meatpuppet, Motion of the Lotion and Cindy, who prefer the old fashioned punch test.

Feb 12 2010 The Disc Is Over The Fence: Frisbee Inventor Walter Frederick Morrison Dies At Age 90

Seen here playing spaceman, Walter Frederick Morrison invented the modern Frisbee in the 1950's after throwing a metal cake pan around on the beach with his wife. And the rest, my friends, is toy history.

He originally called his toy the Pluto Platter and sold it at local fairs.

In 1957 Mr Morrison sold the rights to the California firm Wham-O, which discovered that youngsters were calling the toy a "Frisbie" after the name of a well-known pie. The company changed the spelling to avoid trademark infringement and the Frisbee was born.

On the official Frisbee website, Wham-O paid tribute to Mr Morrison, who was known as Fred.

"As Frisbee discs keep flying though the air, bringing smiles to faces, Fred's spirit lives on. Smooth flights, Fred," it read.

Ah, I can't even begin to imagine how many countless hours I've spent throwing the ol' Pluto Platter around in the yard with friends. Well Fred, this throw's for you. *CRASH* Oh shit.

Rest in peace.

Frisbee inventor Walter Frederick Morrison dies aged 90 [bbcnews]

Thanks to Cpt. Lars Von Fingerbang III, direct descendant of the royal Von Shockers.

Feb 12 2010 I'd Ride The Hell Out Of It: The Triceracopter

I've known about the Triceracopter for awhile because it was available last year, but I didn't want to tell you about it while I attempted to secure it for myself. Unfortunately even my most threatening phone calls didn't work, so here it is. Now maybe you can help me steal it. Per old post:

Built as a sculpture in 1977 by artist Patricia Renick, it's now available now for the discerning collector/dinopilot.

The Triceracopter is subtitled "Hope for the Obsolescence of War," and I guess that's why it's a dinosaur combined with a military helicopter.

You know what I love about the Triceracopter? Unlike most dino-vehicle hybrids, this one won't scorch your genitals off should you try mounting it from behind. *ahem* I'm looking at you, Velocirocket.

Hit the jump for three more shots.

Continue Reading " I'd Ride The Hell Out Of It: The Triceracopter "

Feb 11 2010 Beam Me Up, Mommy: A Star Trek Family

I told myself a while ago I wouldn't post any Awkward (NSFW) Family Photos but, like everything I tell myself, it turned out to be a lie. Depressing, I know. It's like the time I promised myself I'd stop being the world's greatest lover, and now look at me -- still going strong. I can't quit you, me! Do that thing where you sit on your hand till it's numb.

The Final Frontier [awkwardfamilyphotos]

Thanks to Joel, whose family used to take Gilligan's Island themed photos. ZOMG, please tell me you were Thurston Howard III!

Feb 11 2010 A Brief History Of Everything, In Flipbook Form

This is a brief history of the universe and life on earth in 3:12 entirely in flipbook form. It was created by student Jamie Bell for an art class and didn't require any nude models despite Jamie insisting he need them. Hey, some people just can't draw without naked ladies present. And I respect that.

This is the final piece for my AS art course, a flipbook made entirely out of biro pens. It's something like 2100 pages long, and about 50 jotter books. I'd say I worked on and off it for roughly 3 weeks.

Good job, Jamie. Every time I try making a flip book I forget what I was doing and, next thing you know, it's 400 pages of, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". Plus penis doodles. A shit-ton of penis doodles.

Youtube

Thanks to Callin, who was at least pleased to see the world didn't end with a robot apocalypse. That's what they'd like you to believe, Callin. NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN!

Feb 11 2010 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Van In Real Life

This is a little gallery of the Turtle Van (aka Party Van) in real life. It was spotted at the Chicago Auto Show and comes from the Volo Auto Museum Chicago. It was built using a highly customized VW bus and it's amazing they could do such a great job on the van and suck so bad at making a ninja turtle. Seriously, Raphael there doesn't even look fit to fight my salmonella poisoning. WELL OF COURSE I LICKED HIM.

Hit the jump for a full gallery of Michelangelo's weed-den on wheels.

Continue Reading " Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Van In Real Life "

Feb 11 2010 I'll Be Glued To The Television: Discovery Airing Valentine's Day Special On Dino Sex

What better way to spend Valentine's Day than home alone in front of the television at 10PM Eastern watching a Discovery Channel special on dinosaur sex? I can't think of a single one. Of course, I can't think of a better way to spend any day.

Tyrannosaurus Sex, the Discovery Channel's "new special that investigates dinosaur reproduction" and uses "ground-breaking CGI [to] bring new life to one of the last mysteries of these great beasts."

The press release for the show is a thing of both beauty and terror -- not unlike a dinosaur, really. "Tyrannosaurus Sex doesn't just answer the questions, IT SHOWS DINOSAUR SEX IN ALL ITS GLORY," it says. Please god, no. "How did a ferocious T-Rex woo his lady? How did a female Titanosaur support the weight of a male who was as long as a four-story building is high? How did a Stegosaurus couple negotiate sex with all those deadly plates and spikes?"

Oh. my. God. It's like the Discovery Channel has been rooting around in my brain! Tell me, did you find out where I parked my car last night? Right, I remember being at that club, and then -- robot threesome whaaaaat? Nope, definitely came up with this on their own.

Press Release [tvbythenumbers]
via
'Tyrannosaurus Sex': Jurassic spark? [popwatch]

Thanks to Ryleigh, Omid, Ben and Craig, who are all invited to come over and watch provided we never make eye contact.

Feb 11 2010 Why?: Mouse Designed To Look Like Vajayjay

As a man who has never, and probably will never, see a woman's personals, I can't say one way or the other if the G-Point (instead of spot, get it?) mouse actually does look like a female's nether-region when viewed from above. I do know it looks like a futuristic pool float from this angle though. Which -- please tell me that's not what a vagina looks like from the side. I'm so lost.

Hit the jump to see the mouse's more sexual side.

Continue Reading " Why?: Mouse Designed To Look Like Vajayjay "

Feb 11 2010 Come On, Kitty!: Cat Versus Robot Fight

This is a video of a cat fighting a robot. I don't want to ruin it for you, but it does have a happy ending. Now I know what you're thinking, "HOLY SHIT -- SENSUAL YOUTUBE MASSAGES?!" No moron, you think I'd be writing if those existed?

Video of cat vs. robot (Spoiler: cat OWNS the robot!) [dvice]

Thanks to Retroprofile, who's makes outdated information look good.

Feb 11 2010 Robo Theme Park One Step Closer To Reality

In terribly God-awful news, Korea's proposed Robot Land, a robot themed amusement park, has now received initial investment and a first round of conceptual drawings. *gulp* I haven't been more scared of an amusement park since one of those animatronic dolls from 'It's A Small World' tried jumping in my boat to grope me.

According to Plastic Pals, a group of private investors recently met with the city council (probably Masan's city council, as Robot Land's city council has yet to be built) to hash out details, with the result of the government ponying up some $229 million of a promised $600 million. But not everyone is happy about all this -- indeed, organizers of Incheon City's robot theme park are unamused by the thought of a similar attraction competing for those hard-earned tourist dollars.

Wait -- two competing robotic theme parks? What the hell's the matter with you, Korea? You think I won't boycott you? I will boycott you. Korean Geekologie operatives, report in! Okay, now this is important: are any of you comfortable smuggling kimchi in your pants?

Robot Land theme park gets investors, conceptual renders [engadget]

Thanks to CoinOperatedBoi, timpeva, Raul, patvince, NeoAaron and XorKaya, who wonder why they sell season passes when all the rides are designed to kill you.

Feb 11 2010 Get Out Of My Drink!: Space Invaders Ice

Because you can never have too many novelty ice cubes, this is a $7.45 Space Invaders tray (cleverly called Ice Invaders to avoid paying any sort of licensing fee). Just add water or your favorite juice (I prefer booty juice) and you'll have 24 Drink Invaders ready for chilling your favorite beverage in no time. Hit the jump to see some denture shaped ice cube trays that'll really freak out your friends! Say -- you haven't seen my teeth anywhere have you? I think I misplaced them while I was making our drinks.
...
What do you mean I have a pretty mouth?

Hit it for the other tray.

Continue Reading " Get Out Of My Drink!: Space Invaders Ice "

Feb 11 2010 No No No No No: Humanoid Flies First Class

This robo-jerk, the same one who tried creating a Facebook profile to infiltrate the Geekologie Fan Page, is now flying around in the first class section of airplanes. BAD IDEA.

Travellers on a recent Emirates flight from Dubai to Riyadh were accompanied by a different type of passenger, after the Dubai-based airline was tasked with transporting one of the world's most advanced humanoid robots.

Able to verbally interact with people, Ibn Sina stunned fellow passengers as he was checked in at Emirates' dedicated First Class check-in counters and relaxed in Emirates' First Class lounge prior to boarding his flight.

The transportation of Ibn Sina required countless hours of planning and input from multiple Emirates Group departments to ensure the humanoid was cleared for travel by the Dubai Police Authorities, the Dubai International Airport and Emirates' safety team.

Uh, could you really not just stuff him in a box and mail him to his destination set it on fire? And how come I can't even use my cassette player advanced media device during taxi and take-off and this BEEP BOOP BOPPING jerk can fly? OH GOD -- PLEASE TELL ME HE DIDN'T GET COMPLIMENTARY BEVERAGE SERVICE.

Humanoid discovered travelling on Emirates flight [arabiansupplychain]

Thanks to Cohan, Conan's hunkier, battle-axe wielding brother.

Feb 11 2010 Privacy Fence Fail: Man Caught Playing With Himself By Voyeuristic Google Street View Van

This is a Google Street View shot from Finland of a guy playing shake the dice by himself in his backyard. I think there might be a better shot of it out there somewhere (why would you want that?) but it looks like it's already been removed from Google Maps. I think this is the after shot. The sad, pathetic after shot.

Google Street View

Thanks to Bret, who swears he doesn't hunt Google Maps looking for this sort of thing. Suuuuure you don't, Bret.

Feb 10 2010 I'm Gonna Download The Entire Internet!: Google To Test Gigabit Fiber Optic Internet Service In The United States

If there's one thing that sucks about my life it's everything. And if there's another it's slow internet service. I can't stand it. It drives me crazy. Crazier than the kids next door waking me up at 7 playing drums on the connecting wall of our apartments. Which, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP I WILL BREAK YOUR ALL YOUR TOYS.

Google is planning to launch an experiment that we hope will make Internet access better and faster for everyone. We plan to test ultra-high speed broadband networks in one or more trial locations across the country. Our networks will deliver Internet speeds more than 100 times faster than what most Americans have access to today, over 1 gigabit per second, fiber-to-the-home connections. We'll offer service at a competitive price to at least 50,000 and potentially up to 500,000 people.

From now until March 26th, we're asking interested municipalities to provide us with information about their communities through a Request for information (RFI), which we'll use to determine where to build our network.

Listen, Google, you know I'm a straight shooter, right? You should roll this out in my city. And, if you decide not to, let me go ahead and save you the trouble of testing -- everybody's gonna love it.

Google Fiber for Communities [google]

Feb 10 2010 Ghost Lamps Hover With The Power Of Magic

Ghost Lamps from designer Tim Baute look like they're hovering. Plus, unlike most shit you see that's cool, they're actually available for sale ($250 for a small, $275 for a large) and go perfect with a Ghost Table. Just don't ask me how the illusion works. But if I had to guess I'd say it has something to to with anti-gravity lampshades. Or sorcery. Probably sorcery (I applied the scientific method).

Brilliant lamp design creates illusion of zero-G [dvice]

Feb 10 2010 Girl Breaks Up With Boyfriend Over Racy Pre-Loaded Text Messages On Cell Phone

A Canadian man was recently broken up with by his girlfriend after she found racy text messages on his cell phone. Only thing was, the messages come preloaded on every model of that phone. Ah, women. They're all batshit crazy.

The Winnipeg man is calling for the phones to be recalled, after his girlfriend of two and a half years dumped him after finding text messages saying 'Booty call,' 'Where u at,' and 'Be there soon' stored on his phone.

I said, "You're being ridiculous." She said, "No I'm not, here's the proof,"' he told the Free Press.He called Virgin Mobile to complain, and was told to file a written complaint. He also returned to the store where he bought the phone - where the staff were as surprised as he was to find the cheeky messages on the phone.

'At first, we didn't believe him,' shop assistant Mike Ford told the newspaper. 'But when we looked at a couple of the same phones he bought, and found they all had the same messages.'

Darren now wants the phones to be recalled and the messages removed, to prevent other from having 'to go through the hell I'm going through.'

Listen, I'm not saying this woman isn't a rocket surgeon, but don't those messages usually come in a folder marked 'Templates'? Granted, if I ever saw a text message on my significant other's cell phone that said "booty call", I'd be pissed too. I don't date people who talk like that!

Man dumped over mobile phone's pre-loaded sexy text messages [metro]

Thanks to Van, who once got dumped for calling 411.

Feb 10 2010 Eye Candy: Star Wars Take Over Dubai

This is a picture of part of a Star Wars invasion of Dubai taken by photographer Cédric Delsaux and CG-ified by Pierrick Gueneugue. I posted a couple more after the jump but you really need to go the website and see them all in high-res for full appreciation. And speaking of appreciation: did you know today is Love A Blogger Day? It is, I just invented it. Suck it, Hallmark, you don't have shit on my holiday inventing skills! Pfft, Grandparents' day, don't make me laugh.

Hit the jump for a couple more and another link to the whole gallery.

Continue Reading " Eye Candy: Star Wars Take Over Dubai "

Feb 10 2010 Good Stuff: OMG Laser Guns Pew Pew Pew!!

OMG Laser Guns Pew Pew Pew is a website featuring a space squirrel with a laser gun. When you click he shoots a laser beam and makes a noise. I can't say it's a genuine "pew", but I still give it a B for better than the sound of a car alarm. Also, you may be wondering if OMG Laser Guns Pew Pew Pew is even worthy of a Geekologie post. And, if you are, you belong in a f***ing insane asylum. Here, can you see this -- can you see what I'm doing? I'm circling my ear with one finger and pointing at you with another while I roll my eyes. That means you're crazy.

OMG LASER GUNS PEW PEW PEW

Thanks to Pepe-Le-PEW-PEW, who once fell in love with a flashlight thinking it was a laser blaster. You poor bastard.

Feb 10 2010 Norwegian Scuba Steve And Accomplice Chase Google Street View Car

A pair of Norwegian jackasses in full SCUBA regalia sat in lawn chairs waiting for the Google Street View van to go by and gave chase when it did. This is one of the resulting images, but you can go up and down the street to see them lying sitting in wait as well as a couple more of the hot pursuit. Now, how the hell does everybody know when the Google Street View van is going by? Because I didn't when they did my neighborhood. Sure they still caught me floundering conducting hydrodynamic experiments in a kiddy pool by the garage, but I'm a scientist and that's everyday shit for me.

Google Maps
via
Angry Norwegians in scuba gear chase after Google Street View car [boingboing]

Thanks to Uncle_FUJ, Peekaboo!, Stephen, Patrick, Tracy and Model Airplane Glue, who only chase dreams. Besides Model Airplane Glue, he chases my brain.

Feb 10 2010 Time Waster: 38 Years Of Super Bowl Ads

Looking for a great way to stick it to the man and catch up on 38 of 44 years worth of Super Bowl commercials? Well you're in luck broski, thanks to Adland's 38 Years of Super Bowl Commercials. I bet if you tried, you could watch commercials all day and not do a lick of actual work. Alternatively, nap in your car. JUST NOT IN THE TRUNK WITH THE LID CLOSED. Kidding, kidding -- you don't want to get caught do you?!

NOTE: You have to click the link below to see all the ads, the video above isn't a compilation, it's just two men in love.

38 years of Super Bowl Commercials [adland]

Thanks to Nicole, who could out-advertise Bud Light.

Feb 10 2010 But If You Have To Explain It...: The SarcMark

The SarcMark is a $2 downloadable punctuation mark that denotes sarcasm. What a great [email protected] (I was too cheap to download the real thing)

The official, easy-to-use punctuation mark to emphasize a sarcastic phrase, sentence or message. Once downloaded to your computer or cell phone, it's a quick key-stroke or two to insert the sign where you want, when you want, in your communications with the world. Never again be misunderstood! Never again waste a good sarcastic line on someone who doesn't get it!

I don't know about you, but I'm from the school of "if you can't tell I'm being sarcastic without a special symbol, you don't deserve to know". Thank God only the best and brightest read Geekologie, [email protected]

Hit the jump for a painful-ass video.

Continue Reading " But If You Have To Explain It...: The SarcMark "

Feb 10 2010 Robot Pirate Vs. Zombie Ninja On Dinosaur

This is a comic by Tim Buckley appropriately titled 'This is How the World Ends'. It bears a striking resemblance to 'GW Vs. the Volcano' except that one didn't have any robots in it CAUSE I'D ALREADY KILLED THEM ALL. And that, my friends, is how the world really ends: GW blowing up a volcano full of mangled robot parts and riding his t-rex off into the sunset (plus a shit-ton of reach arounds).

This is How the World Ends [cad-comic]

Thanks to Anna, Eric, Joe, derzulu, patvince, Maciu, Ashley, chappers, Mocto, Alex, schmotze, ViviFFIX, Notbob, Jason, ASGRIM THE MIGHTY, Tim, Joseph and pierre, who bet everything on the zombie ninja. Smart, guys.

Feb 9 2010 Where Are The Moonicorns?: Moonbow Picture

Now I know what you're thinking, "WTF GW -- another freaking rainbow?!" But it ain't. This is NOT a rainbow. I repeat (for the high and habitual sentence skippers), this is NOT a rainbow. IT'S A MOONBOW, YOUNG'N! What's a moonbow? Beats me, but it better shoot arrows!

It was captured by Wally Pacholka last January 20, at the Haleakala Crater on the Island of Maui, Hawaii. The moonbow--or lunar rainbow--is caused when the near-full moon at less than 42 degrees in a dark sky. The colors are so faint that the human eye color receptors can't be excited enough for the brain to identify them. Therefore, they appear as white arcs to the naked eye. Only by using long-exposure photography you can reveal the diffraction of the moonlight through the microscopic water droplets suspended in the air.

I don't know about all that scientific mumbo-jumbo, but what I do know is THAT SHIT BETTER LEAD TO SPACE-GOLD! Squire, prepare my moonicorn.

Have You Ever Seen a Lunar Rainbow? [gizmodo]

Thanks to Luis, whose gonna rent a lunar backhoe and uproot that crater. He wants the gold, give him the gold.

Feb 9 2010 Video Tour Of The International Space Station

Sure we hear a lot about the International Space Station, but what do we actually know about it besides being a giant money-laundering scheme developed by the Illuminati? Nothing, that's what. Except butterflies can't fly in space. Well this is a video tour of the ISS from one end to the other and then up into the docked shuttle that doesn't answer any questions (God, you're just as bad as LOST!). It definitely still worth a watch though, if only for the amazing "weightless" effects. You can't even see the wires!

Take a tour of the International Space Station, right here [dvice]

Feb 9 2010 Disney Princesses Letting It All Hang Out

I know that was probably false advertising, but I'm a jerk and you already knew that. Dickery aside, allegedly the drawing came first and the cosplayers decided to re-enact it. Chest-ily. Which, I think we can all agree, is the best way to reenact anything. *ahem* General Lee? Oh come on, Grant's already got his shirt off.

Disney Girls Smile For the Camera [buzzfeed]

Thanks to sharon, who better believe I reenacted writing this post topless. And filmed it.

Feb 9 2010 Culinary Masterpiece: A Taco Bell Cheesy Double Beef Burrito Stuffed Sausage Log

Some guy went and stuffed a sausage roll with a Cheesy Double Beef Burrito from Taco Bell. Sure it's grade D (for delicious) meat, but, wait -- where's the bacon wrap? Pfft, and I almost called you a genius.

Taco Bell Stuffed Sausage [epicportions]

Thanks to Jessica, who once stuffed a burrito with four kinds of bacon. Four kinds?! Was one of them Canadian?

Feb 9 2010 Michael Jackson Commemorative Hard Drive

Available February 24th for a scant $123, this commemorative Michael Jackson "This is It" hard drive is a monster piece of how the hell did this ever become a real product? And to think I couldn't find a single manufacturer willing to roll out my line of Geekologie laptops. I dunno, something about the 1.21 jiggawatts processor. Amateurs.

Under the hood, you get a S2 Portable HXMU050DA, with 500 GB capacity on USB 2.0. Oh, and a DRM locked copy of This Is It. Don't worry, you'll also get a little voucher with the activation code you need to watch it. Heaven help you if you want to burn it to a DVD to watch anywhere other than on your computer.

Who the hell would ever buy that? I know people love Michael Jackson and all, but still, You gotta draw the line somewhere. And that line should be right after MJ bobble heads.

"This is It" Commemorative Hard Drive [crunchgear]

Thanks to Van, who was shocked to find out it doesn't come preloaded with the boys section of a JC Penny catalog. WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA!

Feb 9 2010 Print Them Out!: Star Wars Valentine's Cards

This is a little gallery of Star Wars Valentines created by freelance illustrator James Stowe. He made one for each episode of Star Wars, so there are six in total. I particularly liked this one and the Han Solo/Greedo one, but they're all pretty cute. Per the artist himself:

I wanted to show you some valentines I made for my son's kindergarden class this year. He likes old Peanuts comicstrips and Star Wars... so these are kind of a mix of both.

Oh man, these bring back memories. I remember in Mrs. Cox's third grade class we each took a paper lunch bag and decorated them with hearts and cupids and then taped them to the front of our desks to accept Valentines. I didn't get any. Not a single one -- not even from the teacher. And that, my friends, is why I'm a serial killer.

Hit the jump for the other five and another link to James' website.

Continue Reading " Print Them Out!: Star Wars Valentine's Cards "

Feb 9 2010 Star Trek: The Sexed Generation

This is an older compilation of Star Trek clips that, out of context, sound incredibly sexual. Actually, in context they sound super sexual too. Yay, freaky space-sex. RED ROCKET RED ROCKET!

This is an expansion of a short set of clips that Gene Roddenberry had put together after the second season, that set was just about 2 minutes and mostly bloopers, but the few suggestive shots were enough to make me wonder what a full version would look like, so enjoy!

Oh man, that was hot. Granted not as hot as my laptop's heat exhaust, but I'm tryin' to cook my meat. Which, medium-rare -- anybody?

Youtube

Thanks to Jacob and oysterboy, who can only communicate in the language of love. You should've read their tips, I swooned!

Feb 9 2010 But What's He Competing In?: Newspaper Reports Pedobear Is Going To The Olympics

A Polish newspaper wrote an article about the Winter Olympics and included this graphic, which depicts Pedobear as one of the games' mascots. Which, wow, who knew Poles could run a printing press?

...apparently what happened here is that someone Photoshopped Pedobear into a piece of artwork containing the various cuddly characters that some artist dreamed up to represent the upcoming Winter Olympics. While putting the article together, it would appear that some photo editor got his hands on the wrong version of the artwork, didn't realize it, and the image ran in the paper.

Listen, this sort of thing happens all the time. You don't even want to know how often I accidentally upload naked pics for Geekologie articles. Thank God I prevew all the articuls before postign them. Haha, I said preview, not spell check.

Funny Picture: Internet sensation Pedobear appears in Polish newspaper to promote Winter Olympics [examiner]

Thanks to Ford and Matt, who will be on the lookout for Pedo at the ice skating rink.

Feb 9 2010 Dodge Throws In The Towel, Makes Challenger In 'Furious Fuscia' For Men

Because when you know you're going down you might as well do it in a big pile of flaming pink shit, Dodge has decided to make 'Furious Fuscia' Challengers and market them to men.

Chrysler Group is trying to better define its various brands and products as it attempts to claw back lost market share following years of slumping sales and financial cutbacks that ultimately ended in bankruptcy.

Photographs don't really do justice to Furious Fuchsia, Chrysler spokesman Dan Ried insisted, while acknowledging that fuchsia might seem an odd color choice for a male-oriented car.

"I saw it in person and it actually looks pretty cool," he said. "It's tough to capture how it looks in the daylight."

No, it's not hard to capture. It looks pinkish-purple. Now listen, Dodge, I'm not one to tell somebody how to run their business, but you're doing it wrong. You want to succeed in auto making I've got two words for you: Lean manufacturing HOVER CARS. Trust me, put all your eggs in that basket.

Dodge's new tough-guy color: Furious Fuchsia [cnn]

Thanks to JOeyKy, who tells women he rides his bike everywhere because he cares about the environment even though I saw him on Operation Repo.

Feb 9 2010 Haha!: Admiral Ackbar Gets Suckered Again

Don't do it Admiral! Also, is that a womp rat? Because I don't know if I told you but I used to bull's-eye womp rats in my T-16 back home. Yep, yep, yep, and have a thing for my sister (I watched her shower once, it's true).

admiral ackbar [izit]
and
It's a Trap Woot shirt available again

Feb 8 2010 Google To Add Store Views To Google Maps?

Allegedly Google plans to feature the interiors of participating retail stores on Google Maps. Because, well, I'm not really sure why. Something to do with controlling the world though, that's a given.

The report comes from Search Engine Land, which was contacted by a New York company called Oh Nuts. Apparently the almond-monger recently got a visit from camera-toting Google guys, who photographed their entire store, six feet at a time, in every direction.

So essentially, you'd be able to see a storefront in Street View, click on it, and check out the interior for inventory, cleanliness, layout, etc.

Interesting, Google, but you know what would be even more helpful? Live webcams in Victoria's Secret dressing rooms. That would be huge. And speaking of huge -- go ahead and throw some in the plus-size stores as well. I LIKE 'EM THICK! I'm serious -- if I can't stand comfortably in one leg of a woman's panties I....throw that pair back and try another dryer.

Google Wants to Add Store Interiors to Maps [gizmodo]

Thanks to Craig, who's only interested in pet store cams. Keep the tips coming, Craig!

Feb 8 2010 Pics Or You Lie: Last Night Shuttle Launch Carries Viewing Portal To Space Station

The last scheduled night launch of a space shuttle (besides mine) went down early this morning, and carried a very important payload. A pickle jar full of my sperms? No. A viewing portal to be attached to the International Space Station (sorry for getting your hopes up, aliens).

On board Endeavor (STS-130) is Cupola, a relatively huge bay window to be attached to the International Space Station (ISS) that will give astronauts the most magnificent view ever seen from space (short of taking a spacewalk). Expect great pictures from this 1.6-ton behemoth -- it's 9.7 feet wide and 5 feet long with seven windows all around, including a 31.5-inch circular window, the largest ever flown into space.

Hey, that's cool too. Why start a colony of alien GW's when you can take pretty pictures of earth? Besides every good reason you could possibly think of, including, wait -- I wouldn't have to pay child support for all them freaky alien kids, would I? Because I'll fight that shit all the way to the Supreme Court Maury. I AM NOT THE FATHER.

Shuttle's final night launch lifts largest window ever into orbit [dvice]
and
Hi-Res Picture (moderately related) [space]

Feb 8 2010 OLD!: Robocop Selling Fried Chicken In Korea

You ever wanted to see an old-ass Korean commercial featuring Robocop hocking fried chicken strips? You're sick as f*** if you have. But this is it anyways, because I cater to you sickos. With a bowtie and silver platter and the whole nine yards. But if you think for one second I won't spike your drink, you've got another thing coming. Namely, a spiked drink. And then I'm gonna gulp it down right in front of you. HIYO, gettin' crunk on the job! Haha, what do you mean I'm fired?

Youtube

Thanks to victor, who doesn't buy any products endorsed by robots. Buy human!

Feb 8 2010 Can You See Me Now?: Verizon Prevents Wireless Access To 4chan, Trolls Pissed

Verizon, in an act of big-brotherdom, has decided to prevent wireless access to 4chan, the sparkling gem of the internet. I've got the feeling this isn't going to end well. Per 4chan Status:

Over the past 72 hours, we've been receiving reports from Verizon Wireless customers having difficulty accessing the image boards.

After investigating, we found that Verizon is dropping traffic to/from boards.4chan.org, only on port 80 (HTTP). No other subdomain/IP/port is affected, which leads us to believe this block is intentional.

After an hour and a half on the phone, we've received confirmation from Verizon's Network Repair Bureau (NRB) that we are "explicitly blocked."

If you've been affected by the block, please call Verizon NRB at (866) 298-5373 to file a complaint.

Wow. Enjoy all the goatse pics, Verizon.

4 Chan Status

Thanks to Thomas, steven, Chris, 40hands and like twenty Anons and Anonymouses, who all make the world (wide web) go round.

Feb 8 2010 You've Gotta Be Kidding Me: Pajama Jeans

Because Snuggies alone don't suck enough ass, somebody went and invented Pajama Jeans. What are Pajama Jeans? I don't even want to know. But you do, don't you? Fine, I'll randomly copy/paste some paragraphs and hope they do the trick BUT ONLY BECAUSE I'M A HARD-HITTING JOURNALIST. *pow!* :

"We were noticing that people were wearing their pajamas on airplanes and in grocery stores. But a lot of people have mixed feelings about it because they think it's inappropriate and sloppy," Stacey Buonanno, merchandising manager for The PajamaGram Company, maker of the double duty "denim," explained to StyleList.

"A lot of people wear their workout clothes out. But we thought it would be easy to take a pair of jeans, style them similar to a yoga pant, give them all the jean detailing, but make them stretchy and soft so that you wouldn't mind wearing them to bed," she told us.

Adding that, "The cool thing about the fabric is that the outside looks like a typical twill but it definitely has more of a jersey feel. And the inside is really, really brushed, so it almost feels like the inside of sweatpants or fleece."

$40 scores a pair. And, for a limited time only, if you send them to me along with $20 I'll sign them and sleep in them. Extra $10 for a Polaroid of me passed out on the couch with a penis drawn on my face, $5 for a custom stain. It's really a bargain if you think about it. Drunk. Think about it drunk.

Hit the jump for a worthwhile two-minute commercial.

Continue Reading " You've Gotta Be Kidding Me: Pajama Jeans "

Feb 8 2010 Scientists Discover Dinosaur's True Colors

Finally scientists have proven that, despite what popular kid's programs would have you believe, dinosaurs were not all purple and sing-songy and allowed near children. Nope, some has feathers. Red ones.

The researchers removed 29 chips, each the size of a poppy seed, from across the dinosaur's body. Mr. Vinther put the chips under a microscope and discovered melanosomes.

To figure out the colors of Anchiornis feathers, Mr. Vinther and his colleagues turned to Matthew Shawkey, a University of Akron biologist who has made detailed studies of melanosome patterns in living birds. Dr. Shawkey can accurately predict the color of feathers from melanosomes alone. The scientists used the same method to decipher Anchiornis's color pattern.

Anchiornis had a crown of reddish feathers surrounding dark gray ones, and its face was mottled with reddish and black spots. Its body was dark gray, but its limb feathers were white with black tips.

Given the full detail of the findings, Dr. Prum said, "it was like writing the first entry in a Jurassic field guide to feathered dinosaurs."

"....like writing the first entry in a Jurassic field guide to feathered dinosaurs." Where the hell do these people come up with this stuff? Because I want their power of similes. Could you imagine? A word wizard of my caliber mastering the art of similes? I'd be like an unstoppable tornado of raw power and supple skin that you just want to feel against your cheek so badly but can't BECAUSE I'M A F***ING RAGING TORNADO AND WILL TEAR YOUR GOTDAMN HOUSE DOWN. Suck it, wolf.

Evidence Builds on Color of Dinosaurs [nytimes]
and
True-Color Dinosaur Revealed: First Full-Body Rendering [nationalgeographic]

Thanks to Ryan, littlezan, big jerm, Shea, Divo, Da, Meow vs Meow, lauren!, Foxx, Anonymous_Rex, ellen, Amanda, Alan, Gabriel, Jujufruit, Griffin, Gavin, Sydney, Jennifer, Mike, Max, Brent, danundertheice, Chupacabra, Jonathan, Dustin, graf zeppelin, The Coffee Mugger, Aleisha and anybody else whose email I couldn't find because the mail sorter at the internet post office is a jerk, I love dinos and so should you.

Feb 8 2010 20-Minute Avatar Review By The Same Guy Who Did 50-Minute Phantom Menace Review

If you haven't already seen it, this is a 20-minute review of Avatar by the same monotonously voiced cat who did the nearly hour-long Phantom Menace review. It's pretty good. Not as good as you're looking this morning, but God must have put diamonds in your eyes or some shit because you are lookin' finer than a steak dinner. Are you getting this, romance writers? I'm thinking about holding a workshop.

Hit the jump for part two.

Continue Reading " 20-Minute Avatar Review By The Same Guy Who Did 50-Minute Phantom Menace Review "

Feb 8 2010 Mechanical Bull: Red Bull's Conceptual Bike

This is a conceptual Red Bull motorcycle as designed by Barrend Massow Hemmes. Riding it makes you look like you're boning a giant red bull from behind, which, I suspect, is the reason the internal combustion engine was invented in the first place. Is there anything sexier? Yes, but it involves mermaids and a wet t-shirt contest and....God, I got the shivers just typing that. And by "shivers" I mean "garden hose from the garage". Tell your sisters, Ariel. Cash prizes.

Hit the jump for two more pictures, including the original sketch.

Continue Reading " Mechanical Bull: Red Bull's Conceptual Bike "

Feb 8 2010 Just The Way I Like 'Em: Dinosaur On Bed

High-res shot HERE.

Now I'm not saying I wore that ass out like a winter coat in freezing weather, but that's exactly what I'm saying. Because I did. RAWR!

Last Shot - An Animal in Bed [urlesque]

Thanks to Jarrr, Optimus and whoever else sent me this whose email I may have deleted. Sorry, I've been drinking.

Feb 8 2010 Zelda Would Be Proud: Triforce Finger Tattoo

Well folks, not only did the Saints win the Super Bowl (and save my bookie the trouble of bending my knees backwards), but I beat 'Zelda: Spirit Tracks' last night. So, just like that Ice Cube song: it was a good day I can do it, put your ass into it. This is a Triforce tattoo on a girl's finger. I say girl because of the red nail polish, but it could be a really, really feminine guy. *ahem* I'm looking at you, Peyton Manning. WHO DAT?!

Tri-Force Tattoo [bmezine]

Thanks to Neill, who plays football the old fashioned way: with a stick and puck on ice. Uh, Neill?

Feb 6 2010 How To: Disappoint A Friend On Their Birthday

Send a ball, that's how. Or nothing. Honestly, I'd prefer nothing. At least you won't piss my mailman off (he already f***s up all my packages).

Send a Ball, the online store that lets you create personalized inflatable balls for any occasion, made its ABC Shark Tank debut tonight. Here's how the business started: "One day I [co-founder Michele) was in Osco, saw a BIN of bouncy balls, grabbed one and thought "I can mail this". Took a sharpie, addressed it to my BFF Sharon, wrote "Have BALL with your new baby", went to the post office and mailed it."

Balls start at $20 and include shipment to anywhere in the US. Which, for a $1 ball and $1 worth of postage, is a 1,000% markup. Which I think we can all agree, is the American way. Also: fat with a false sense of entitlement.

News video with two annoying chicks after the jump.

Continue Reading " How To: Disappoint A Friend On Their Birthday "

Feb 6 2010 Finally!: New And Improved Ketchup Packets

Finally, after years of watching me struggle with those impossible-to-open packets, Heinz has decided to take my advice and invest in new condiment applicators. Impressive, but I suggested spray cans. Named (and trademarked) the Dip & Squeeze, the new packet-y things offer both traditional ketchup squeezing capabilities with the added benefit of -- wait for it -- DIPPING!! I'm gonna need a spit cup. Plus, 3x the ketchup as a regular packet. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "I'll never have to buy ketchup from the grocery store again", you are. High-five, cheapskate!

The future, to go: Heinz reinvents the ketchup packet [crunchgear]

Thanks to emerica and Julie, who put ketchup on everything including their partners. Kinky!

Feb 5 2010 Game Boy's Super Mario Land Gets Rap Song

NOTE: Song is arguably NSFW due to language like balls and the f word.

This is a pretty funny rap song about Super Mario Land for the Game Boy. It's particularly worth watching if you ever played the game. I had it and I'm proud to announce that not only did I beat it, I smoked it. Mmmm, plastic fumes. Get in my brain!

Epic Super Mario Land Rap [collegehumor]

Thanks to Janice, who beat the game, then around the bush because she doesn't like to brag. Come on, be proud.

Feb 5 2010 You Silly 'Lil Dwarf: Detailed Images Of Pluto

Remember when Pluto was a planet? Me neither, I drink too much. And, I don't know if we can really trust anything NASA tells us anymore, but these are allegedly the most detailed images of Pluto ever taken. As you can see, we still have a long ways to go.

NASA today released the most detailed set of images ever taken of the distant dwarf planet Pluto. The images taken by NASA's Hubble Space Telescope show an icy and dark molasses-colored, mottled world that is undergoing seasonal changes in its surface color and brightness. Pluto has become significantly redder, while its illuminated northern hemisphere is getting brighter. These changes are most likely consequences of surface ices sublimating on the sunlit pole and then refreezing on the other pole as the dwarf planet heads into the next phase of its 248-year-long seasonal cycle. The dramatic change in color apparently took place in a two-year period, from 2000 to 2002.

Jesus, a two-year period? Somebody rocket that dwarf planet some sanitary napkins!

New Hubble Maps of Pluto Show Surface Changes [nasa]
via
Most Detailed View of Pluto to Date [gizmodo]

Feb 5 2010 Planet Of The Apes Real, On Google Maps

Somebody went and made it look as if the iconic Statue of Liberty scene in Planet of the Apes appears in Google Maps (larger version HERE). Cute. Fun fact: did you know a time-traveling simian from Planet of the Apes is responsible for AIDS? It's true or my name isn't Dick Dragon (it really does is the thing).

Take Your Stinking Maps Off Me, You Damned Dirty Ape! [poppedculture]

Feb 5 2010 Sonic The Hedgehog Trailer (With Gameplay!)

This is a "reveal" trailer for the new Sonic the Hedgehog coming to XBox Live because it shows a solid two seconds of gameplay footage. Aaaand it looks just like the old games. So that's cool. I get down with the oldschool. Also, OPP. Yeah you know me!

Official Site
and
Youtube

Thanks to Greg, jantunes, Justin and Kaflooblop, who have all beat Cheetah in 'World Class Track Meet' using the Power Pad and not cheating. Impressive.

Feb 5 2010 For Geeky BFF's: Interlocking LEGO Rings

I always wanted one of those split-heart necklaces that you and your BFF were each supposed to wear half of, but I never got the chance. You see, I've never had a BFF. Or for that matter, even an F. I was raised by a powerful sorcerer. I had an owl. I thought he was my friend until he pecked my eyes out for teasing him with a dead field mouse. Interlocking LEGO rings: entirely unlicensed, entirely awesome, entirely $125 per set. Now I'm not saying I just glued a 2x2 brick to a keyring, but will you be my BFF? I know spells!

Etsy Product Page
via
Interlocking Lego Rings [craft]

Thanks to sid beets and Jen, who both thought linking two LEGO rings calls Captain Planet. Um, no.

Feb 5 2010 Cutting Down Trees/Zombies With Hello Kitty

A Hello Kitty chainsaw (high-res pic HERE): it was only a matter of time. Makes a great addition to you to Hello Kitty AR-15. But not your family. You don't want that thing suckling your teat for six months. F*** your nipples up.

Hello Kitty Chainsaw [hellokittyhell]

Thanks to GuamOtoko and Isaac, who have beheaded zombies with even MORE feminine chainsaws. If you can believe that.

Feb 4 2010 Informational Graphics: State Of The Internet

This is a little (well, large actually) informational graphic explaining who uses the interwebs and some other stuff about this bitchin' series of tubes. There's nothing particularly shocking about the stats except for the fact that US broadband speed sucks big ol' fossilized dino balls compared to everywhere else. Oh, and the State of the Blogosphere section, that part was interesting. Did you know that 16% of bloggers consider themselves "snarky", 44% "humorous" and 54% "expert"? Only one answered "hung like mountain lion, if mountain lions were 18 feet tall and three-quarters penis", and that was me. Just sayin', I cannot tell a lie.

Hit the jump for the rest of the moderately informative graphic.

Continue Reading " Informational Graphics: State Of The Internet "

Feb 4 2010 Big Bang Theory Without The Laugh Track

That Sheldon, so funny with his science-y jibber jabber and social awkwardness. Except in this clip, since you don't know when to chuckle because there isn't a laugh track. You can compare the clip to the laugh tracked version (after the jump) and appreciate just what having every joke punctuated with laughter does for a comedy show *AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!* but not a blog.

Hit the jump for the laughier version.

Continue Reading " Big Bang Theory Without The Laugh Track "

Feb 4 2010 LEGO Wallets Make Your Ass Hurt, Squarish

Granted a LEGO wallet isn't the worst thing (cellmate) to make your ass hurt, but still. I can barely stand my wallet and it's genuine pillowdragon leather (softest material known to wizard). I don't want a bunch of dots printed on my buttcheeks, yo! Still, if you're a lady and want to carry one in your purse, I respect that. They range in price from $24 to $32 depending on the model and I'll even let you pay for my drinks. All of which better come with umbrellas and plastic cutlasses cause I'm a classy bitch.

Product Site
via
I Can't Think Of Anything More Comfortable To Carry In Your Pocket Than These LEGO Wallets [ohgizmo]

Feb 4 2010 Brain Freeze (I Get It!) Ice Cube Molds

Brain Freeze ice cube trays aren't just cleverly named, they're -- yes, that's all they are. $8 takes home the piece of molded rubber and another couple bucks brings home some food coloring. Mix all that shit together with some tap water, say a magic prayer, and you've got yourself a party! Did I mention booze? You're gonna need booze. Plus some womens. Preferably skanky.

Product Site
via
brain freeze ice cubes let you zombies drink your braaaaains [technabob]

Feb 4 2010 Drink The Punch, DO IT NOW: Hubble Space Telescope Spies Unusual Space Debris Aliens

I hate to start wild speculation, and I'm by no means one of those foil-hat asshats (industrial-grade aluminum all the way, baby), but this is a picture of an alien spacecraft. Per NASA cover up:

...what Hubble saw indicates that P/2010 A2 is unlike any object ever seen before. At first glance, the object appears to have the tail of a comet. Close inspection, however, shows a 140-meter nucleus offset from the tail center, very unusual structure near the nucleus, and no discernable gas in the tail. Knowing that the object orbits in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter, a preliminary hypothesis that appears to explain all of the known clues is that P/2010 A2 is the debris left over from a recent collision between two small asteroids. If true, the collision likely occurred at over 15,000 kilometers per hour -- five times the speed of a rifle bullet -- and liberated energy in excess of a nuclear bomb.

I hate to tell you how to do your job, NASA, but you're really stabbing yourself in the crotch here. Think about it: you're losing funding and getting projects cut left and right. Because nobody gives a shit about space. But if this was, in fact, an alien spacecraft, then....see where I'm going with this? (Fake another moon landing)

Hubble spies debris 'unlike any object ever seen before' [dvice]

Thanks to wes g, Ste, emerica, Brad B, timotheus maximus and sammy, who all agree space technology is bitchin'.

Feb 4 2010 Retro Thursday: Japanese Star Wars Tuna Ad

Sure Retro Thursday isn't even a real segment on Geekologie but you never know, I might run with it. And by "it" I mean your bike. Of course if I was smart I would ride with it, but I'm not. This is a Japanese commercial from 1978 for Hagoromo canned tuna featuring one-off three-off versions of your favorite Star Wars characters. It didn't really make me want to run out and buy tuna. Slim Jims and beer, sure, tuna not so much.

Youtube
via
Video: Star Wars disco sea chicken [pinktentacle]

Thanks to patrick, Melissa and mac, who are all smart enough to know squid's the real chicken of the sea.

Feb 4 2010 Bacon Maple Lollipops Now Come Caffeinated

Remember the post about Lollyphile's Maple Bacon Lollipops from many moons ago? Well just when you thought there wasn't any room for improvement, room was cleared because NOW EACH SUCKER COMES JAM-PACKED WITH THE CAFFEINE EQUIVALENT OF TWO CUPS OF COFFEE! I'm sweating and it feels like my heart's gonna explode! 4 pops for $10, 12 for $24, 36 for $52 and I'll throw in a reach around. But only for the ladies. Kidding -- I can't quit your father!

Product Site (also check out their White Russian pops)

Thanks to jason, who, I'll take a sample pack thank you.

Feb 4 2010 There's No Doubt: I'd Be Good At This Game

This is not a game you try to beat, this is a game you try to play for as long as possible. ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A START. Come on, unlimited retries!

The Nipple Gamepad T-Shirt [gizmodo]

Thanks to mrHiggins, Yopoleo, Tony8688, Nelson, David B. and ffffffffffffffffffffffffff, who have never played this game. Ooooooh, burnt for sending tips! You're bad, GW, you're bad.

Feb 3 2010 OMG OMG OMG: An iPhone 4G Spy Shot

Because I love watching all the fanboys pop Apple boners and then yelling, "QUICK -- EVERBODY LOOK!" while pointing and laughing, this is allegedly an iPhone 4G prototype sitting atop an iPad prototype. As you can see, it looks like a blurry iPhone. Possibly with a black bezel instead of a chrome one. But what really baffles me is why they decided to print 'Eng' on part of the screen. You're losing it, Apple.

Engadget
via
Photo of Apple's next-generation iPhone in the wild - sources [appleinsider]

Feb 3 2010 They're So Talented: Little Birds Playing Guitar

This is a video of little birds playing guitar as part of some wack-ass French (of course) art exhibit.

For his installation in The Curve, Boursier-Mougenot creates a walk-though aviary for a flock of zebra finches, furnished with electric guitars and other musical instruments. As the birds go about their routine activities, perching on or feeding from the various pieces of equipment, they create a captivating, live soundscape.

Hmm, I dunno. Is a bunch of little birds playing guitar really art? Did I serve as the model for Michalangelo's David? That was supposed to be rhetorical. But since I've piqued your interest, yes, I did. Except for the wang (I had mine thrown over my shoulder).

Youtube
via
Birds Can Play Guitar [buzzfeed]

Feb 3 2010 HDMI Me!: The Audio/Visual Port T-Shirt

You want a t-shirt with a giant AV panel on the back? Then you're in luck, because Threadless has them for $18 ($45 for a hoodie). I have one. it's awesome. Or it was until a friend tried to plug an unapproved device (blender) into my ass while I was passed out drunk. MY SHOES WERE OFF, A$$HOLE. Call me.

Product Site

Thanks to Stephanie, who has an ocean port t-shirt. Get it? Wacka wacka wacka!

Feb 3 2010 Hooray!: Round Board Monopoly Coming Soon

Monopoly, everybody's favorite game before the advent of video game consoles, will now be available in a round model to celebrate the game's 75th anniversary. Because circles, as you may know, are the perfect shape. Which is why boobs are kind of round. True story (I'm gonna need a grant to prove it though).

But it's not just a random move to give die-hard fans a reason to buy yet another version, it turns out one of the first concepts for the board game was circular according to Hasbro.

Not to be out done by the latest video games, however, the Monopoly board will do away with cash and the chance to raid the bank when no-one is looking. Players instead will be issued with a chip and pin credit card and a central console that plays banker.

"Not to be out done by the latest video games..." Really? I'm pretty sure the latest video games aren't outdone by a calculator in the middle of a Monopoly board. Just sayin', I had a TI-83 in highschool. Drug Lord FTW!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Hooray!: Round Board Monopoly Coming Soon "

Feb 3 2010 WTF, Japan, Seriously?: 'Crying Girl' DVD

Because Japan never ceases to amaze me, 'Crying Girls' is a soon-to-be-released DVD of, well, girls crying. Because some people are into that. And those people should be put on a watch list.

It may not be The Crying Game but "Crying Girl" (Nakigao, in Japanese) from Amuse Soft Entertainment has its fair share of crying. In fact, it's almost ALL crying. One after another, 11 minor female celebs shed real tears as they recount some of the worst days of their lives.

The "11 stories of people crying in earnest", as the DVD's tag line states, include some that really don't seem so terrible but instead reflect the rigors of being an up & coming model in Japan's fiercely competitive "idol" culture:

* Marika, who was yelled at by her manager.

* Risa, who had been jilted by her boyfriend.

* Nana, who saw a bad picture of herself in a magazine.

* Shiho, who cried when her boyfriend said goodbye.

* Mai, who cried "touching the loneliness of the city".

* Yutaka, who has a friend with breast cancer who's engaged to marry.

Wow, Japan, wow. You have officially crossed the line. That said, for $20 I'll video chat you for 30 minutes and cry my eyes out. BECAUSE I'M SENSITIVE. Muscular and sensitive.

Crying Girl DVD Helps Men Feel Strong [inventorspot]

Thanks to Rob, who will video chat and scream at you for free.

Feb 3 2010 Geekologie Fans Cover Friend In Raw Bacon

A bunch of French Canadians (you sound so funny!) decided to cover their friend in $37 of raw bacon and film it with the hopes of being featured on Geekologie. And, because I'm basically a super handsome 'Make a Wish' foundation, here it is. Per babelfish translation:

We had the brilliant idea d' to buy for 37 dollar of bacon and to do something with that nobody n' could have made. moin d' has; to be insane or belong to Philwillpic (thus insane) We did that to send photograph on the site of www.geekologie.com for qu' they appear for finally carrying out one of our great dream, to be on geekology!!! Thank you with - neilmu- for the fauleuse song qu' it has to grant to us to take

Apparently they cooked and ate the bacon after, which is pretty gross, but I would have done the same thing. Shit, one time I ate a strip of bacon after it fell off my plate and bounced under the stove. It was hairy. Money shot at 1:55, but you're gonna want to stop watching around 2:05, because things get strangely homoerotic after that. You've been warned (I watched it twice!).

Youtube

Thanks william and phil, but you should have cooked him.

Feb 3 2010 Damnit Grandma, I Didn't Want A SEGA Zone

The SEGA Zone is basically a giant turd in a box with the SEGA name slapped on it. You can count on your grandmother buying you one for Christmas instead of a Wii.

The Sega Zone is a weird little console that comes preloaded with 50 games, including 20 classic Genesis games. 16 of the remaining games support motion control with a strange Wiimote knockoff, if that's your thing. Look for it in the UK this summer for $60, if this in any way interests you.

Admittedly, I do love classic Genesis games. But I also love the smell of gasoline to the point where I find myself loitering around gas stations. Mmmm, BP.

Finally! A Sega Genesis with a Wiimote [dvice]

Feb 3 2010 Visions Of The Future: Robotic Killer Cheetah

Tell me that's not the most frightening thing you've seen all day and I'll call you a dirty liar. I may even throw something in about your mother. Fighting words.

The Steampunk Cheetah measures 61 cm or 24 inches high and 127 cm or 50 inches in length. It weighs around 40 pounds. This mechanical cat is constructed with typical electrical conduit. It took 20-gauge steel to work out this spectacular image of the Cheetah. The best part of this cool Steampunk cheetah is watching her sprinting across on her paw wheels with great zest and zeal. The movement of this metallic cheetah is such that it is going to grab his enemies.

At first I thought the beast was just a static sculpture but it turns out the robo-bastard is actually movable, making him just an AI processor and a few servos away from my worst nightmare. And speaking of worst nightmares: I heard if you die in a dream you die in real life but that's not true because it happened to me once. Twice. Three times a laaaaady.

Hit the jump for another shot.

Continue Reading " Visions Of The Future: Robotic Killer Cheetah "

Feb 2 2010 Ignoble Gases: Periodic Table Of Smellements

This is the periodic table of smellements as developed by Natalie Dee. This version's really small and probably hurting your eyes to squint at though so click THIS BUTTON to see a full-size version AND PREPARE TO BE ODORIZED! Well, what do you think? I thought it was pretty awesome except for the ones at the bottom. Those ones made me uke-pay in my outh-may a little. And by a little I mean a lot. It's dribbling down my chin. Well? LICK IT UP, PEASANT! This is all your fault somehow, I know it.

Periodic Table of Smellements [nataliedee]

Thanks to Ambrose and Kristen, who are both transition smells.

Feb 2 2010 Haha, You Suck!: Banker Gets Busted Looking At Nudie Pics During National News Broadcast

You see the guy in the upper left of the screen? He's a banker. A banker that's about to look at some naked pictures of Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr during a live news broadcast. Way to go, champ!

As Lakos studiously detailed the Reserve Bank's rates decision, hold interest rates at 3.75 per cent yesterday, over his shoulder a colleague was seen opening saucy photos as the cameras roll.

And just to make sure the audience got a good look at just who was viewing the soft porn, the banker turned to look down the lens just as Lakos threw back to the studio.

The action starts at 1:12 as dude takes a look around to make sure nobody's looking. Oh, nobody's looking alright BESIDES EVERYONE WATCHING THE NEWS. You, sir, are a shameful pervert (thank God we don't film Geekologie).

Banker busted live on TV looking at naked model Miranda Kerr [dailytelegraph]
and
Youtube

Thanks to Ian, who claims he's never used the internet for anything but research.... BWHAHAHAHAHA!!

Feb 2 2010 Precious: The Cutest Lil Link You Ever Did See

Cute-splosion: Zelda Link Costume [greatwhitesnark]

Thanks to Kyla and evolutionary robots can suck my balls, who -- I couldn't have said it better myself.

Feb 2 2010 Gang Members Increasingly Using Facebook And Twitter, Losing Significant Street Cred

That's right folks, gang members are taking to popular social networking sites to brag about crimes, issue threats to rival gangs, and score bitches/drugs/skrilla. Basically everything Facebook and Twitter were invented for.

When a gang member was released from jail soon after his arrest for selling methamphetamine, friends and associates assumed he had cut a deal with authorities and become a police informant.

They sent a warning on Twitter that went like this: We have a snitch in our midst.

"We are seeing a lot more of it," Johnston said. "They will even go out and brag about doing shootings."

Gang use of Twitter and Facebook still lags behind use of the much-older MySpace, which remains gang members' online venue of choice.

Ah, I was wondering who still used Myspace. It's the gangs, huh? I guess I better delete my old profile before somebody threatens to pop a cap in my ass. Just sayin', I'm trying to keep this ass cap-free (can pull-tabs still okay).

Gang members moving to Twitter, Facebook [msnbc]

Thanks to FDSY, who had this to add, "LOL @ bloods. OMG those crips are str8 up d34d"

Feb 2 2010 I Thought They Looked Familiar: Bioshock Big Daddies Actually Bomberman In Disguise

A-ha! It's really true too, once you see him he's nearly impossible to un-see. Thankfully, I have a little secret: booze. Higher proof the better. Okay, now pour it in your eyes. Can't see him anymore, can you? Good. How many fingers am I holding up? If you answered, "none, but is that you touching my butt?", yes, it is. Also, doing some squats wouldn't kill you.

You can't unsee Bomberman in BioShock 2 [joystiq]

Thanks to GuamOtoko, who once thought he saw Mario on the cover of God of War III but it turned out to be he was tripping his face off.

Feb 2 2010 Virgin Adds 'Underwater Plane' To Fleet

Now I know what you're thinking, "But I don't remember buying an underwater plane". And that's because I'm talking about Virgin Group, Richard Branson's company, not virgin, you. You're poor, remember?

Guests on Necker Island, a retreat in the British Virgin Islands, will be able to dive underwater in a submarine dubbed the Necker Nymph for $25,000 a week. But that's only after shelling out around $300,000 for a one-week stay on Necker, the private island owned by billionaire and Virgin Group chairman Richard Branson.

Guests on Necker Island, a retreat in the British Virgin Islands, will be able to dive underwater in a submarine dubbed the Necker Nymph for $25,000 a week. But that's only after shelling out around $300,000 for a one-week stay on Necker, the private island owned by billionaire and Virgin Group chairman Richard Branson.

I guess that would be pretty cool, but it's still a bit pricey. And by a bit pricey I mean you could pay scientists to splice porpoise and human DNA together and have sex with a mermaid for cheaper. Which I'm considering.

Branson goes 20,000 leagues under the sea [cnnmoney]

Thanks to Spartacus, who was like the Dale Jr. of Roman chariot races.

Feb 2 2010 Ninja Turtles In The Styles Of Famous Artists

This is a picture depicting the Ninja Turtles as imagined by various famous artists. It's pretty cute. That's right, cute. I can call things cute because I'm secure enough in my masculinity to do that. Also, tape my penis between my buttcheeks and wear women's underwear.

It's Pizza Time, Picasso! [poppedculture]

Thanks to Thomas and canine-o'clock, who argue that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are , in fact, heroes in whole shells.

Feb 2 2010 Let's Make A Deal: Gold For Macs Commercial

Have a bunch of obsolete Apple products sitting around collecting dust? Trade them for gold! Gold For Macs accepts iPods, MacBooks and everything in between and sends you cold hard cash gold in return. I just sent them 40 Dells with Apple stickers over the logo! Am I a genius or what? I am. I was also the first one to melt cheese in Ramen noodles.

Youtube

Thanks to Michael, whose friends made the video and shouldn't be allowed to make any more. Kidding guys, go for it.

Feb 2 2010 Finger Candy: Gear Ring Turns, That's About It

The Gear Ring from Kinekt has functional gears in the middle that allow the bezel to rotate. And that's pretty much it. No lasers or anything. They're available in US sizes 9-12 for $165, and may need to be oiled from time to time. Not unlike the Tin Man! Who, fun fact: is not a robot. Don't get me wrong, I'd still crush his ass on my face like an empty beer can, he just isn't a robot. No laughing, Lion, you're next.

Hit the jump for a video of the ring in action (with bonus sausage pinky at 0:17!).

Continue Reading " Finger Candy: Gear Ring Turns, That's About It "

Feb 2 2010 Helping Others: A Wi-Fi Detecting Car Decal