Jan 30 2010 Ports, We Need More Ports: 80 Hole USB Hub

Need more USB ports? Who doesn't, amirite? Well then look no further than Thanko's 80-port USB panel. At $200, there's really no reason not to buy a half dozen. Plus, adjustable voltage. WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO!!

みんなきっと驚くこと間違いなし！これ、なんと80ポートものUSBポートを内蔵したチャージャーボードなんです。携帯電話、デジカメ、オーディオプレーヤーなどなど。そんなデジタル機器をたくさんお持ちの方には朗報かもしれません！デジタル機器を80個まで充電できるなんて、まるで夢のようじゃないですか？USBの端子が80ポートも並んでいるのを横からみると何か、なんだか軍隊の兵隊さんみたいな感じがして迫力あります。

Unless you run a 'Rent-A-Port' by the minute business (genius) or make something in bulk that needs to be charged before selling, why the hell would you need one of these? Don't get me wrong, I'm still buying two, but that's only because I have 101 Dalmations 160 USB humping dogs and think it would be hysterical to see them all going at it simultaneously. Wouldn't that be funny? You'd watch it on Youtube, right? CHANNEL VIEWS NEED CHANNEL VIEWS.

Product Site
via
Who Needs More USB Ports? [forevergeek]

Thanks to Melissa and Darkwing Duck, who charge things the old fashioned way: with space technology.

Jan 30 2010 I've Seen It All Now: Pee-Wee Gets An iPad

I've been trying to avoid iPad related material because, damnit, I just don't care. What do I look like, a tech blogger? Please. Anyway, I am posting this video of Pee-Wee Herman with an iPad because, well, I didn't know he still made videos. Just don't expect too much in the way of comedic relief, because there isn't any. Of course, if you read Geekologie regularly, you should be used to it. Wait, did I just -- gotdamnit.

Pee-wee Gets An iPad! [funnyordie]

Thanks to Reverend Faux and Joe Soap, who both know today's secret word.

Jan 30 2010 Home Protection: Kooshball Shotgun Shells

I don't know about you, but I shoot to kill. Especially when it comes to protecting my castle (rent-controlled apartment). So I'm gonna have to pass on the Koosh bullets. AND seconds. Really, I'm stuffed.

Lightfield has been selling these projectiles to law enforcement agencies and wildlife officials for years. Each round is filled with a soft projectile that resembles a koosh ball. They look like toys, because they're made by a Chinese toy factory. The best thing about them is that they aren't likely to kill someone even if they are fired at point blank range. They're so soft that they're almost incapable of penetrating the body.

Eh. I'm a little hesitant to shoot toys at an intruder only to have them return fire with adult bullets. No, I think I'll be sticking to my laser blaster, thank you very much. And I'm not just saying that because I accidentally glued it to my arm training for the robot wars, but that's exactly what happened.

A closeup of the projectiles after the jump.

Continue Reading " Home Protection: Kooshball Shotgun Shells "

Jan 30 2010 151 Pokémon In Traditional Japanese Style

This is a smattering of Pokémon characters drawn in a traditional Japanese style (high-res shot of more HERE). The artist took the time to recreate all 151 original monsters though, so you'll have to hit the link at the bottom if you gotta see 'em all. See what I did there? That's just one of the many services your GW offers. Also, spa treatments. Body massage? WHO WANTS A BODY MASSAGE?

ポケモン百五十一鬼夜行絵巻 [livedoor] (with a whole bunch more)

Thanks to Ford and Shaun, who, get back in your balls!

Jan 29 2010 The 'Official' Call Of Duty Modern Warfare Rap

This is a rap about Call of Duty: Modern Warfare and the stress it puts on a relationship. Which is exactly why I don't play it. Also, I don't know if it was just me or what, but the bass sounded like complete ass. Not a sexy, shapely tush either, I'm talking about a super f***ing sloopy one that hangs down to the back of a girl's knees. You know, or it could be my laptop's speakers.

Youtube
via
Official Modern Warfare Music Video [channel1031]

Thanks to Josh, who once knife-killed an entire platoon and still used the blade to roast marshmallows.

Jan 29 2010 Love: Girl Seeks Geekologie Fan In San Diego

Alright this is probably the last personal ad I'll be posting because, damnit, I can't play cupid all the time. But, since I posted a guy's ad earlier this week, here comes a girl's in response BECAUSE I'M NOT SEXIST. Sex-y, yes, sex-ist, no. So, any of you male readers in the San Diego area interested? Ha, not in me, in her. *twang* Did you hear that? That was me shooting an arrow of love at you. Well, technically it was a Barbie Doll whose hair I set on fire, BUT IT STILL PIERCED YOUR HEART, DID IT NOT? No? Just set your shirt on fire? That counts.

Craigslist

Thanks to Mark, who may or may not cruise Craigslist searching for Geekologie-related posts.

Jan 29 2010 Die, Bowser!: Mario Suits That Should Exist

This is a little gallery by College Humor's Jeff Rubin of Mario suits that Nintendo mistakenly left out of the games. Geez, way to drop the ball, Nintendo. Also, the soap. Haha -- gimme that butt!

Hit the jump for several more.

Continue Reading " Die, Bowser!: Mario Suits That Should Exist "

Jan 29 2010 Quick, Empty The Printer -- This Burrito Is Running Through Me!!: Machine Turns Trash Into Treasure Office Paper Into Toilet Paper

Finally, a piece of office equipment that quickly and efficiently turns used printer paper into rolls of toilet paper. That's right, The White Goat -- wait, The White Goat? WTF kind of name is that? Because goats can eat tin cans?

Just pop in about 40 sheets of paper, and wait for 30 minutes, and you'll get a nice toilet roll for your efforts. The process involves shredding the paper, after which it is dissolved in water, thinned out, dried and wound into toilet rolls. Pretty cool. The company says it costs 10 Yen ($0.11) to churn out 1 roll, and regular usage of this machine will save up to 60 cedar trees annually. This would probably be a great machine to boost your eco credentials, though there is one snag: you might be cool with it being 1.8m tall and weighing 600kg, but it'll be priced at $100,000 when it goes on sale in Japan this summer.

Listen, I'm all for recycling, but if I'm going to wipe myself with a TPS report, I wanna still be able to read the words. Sure it'll feel like hell on your ass and you'll almost certainly clog the commode, but you just wiped with an actual TPS report. So, yeah, put that next to your CAUTION: WET FLOORS sign and slip on it!

Hit the jump for a news report of the Goat in action.

Continue Reading " Quick, Empty The Printer -- This Burrito Is Running Through Me!!: Machine Turns Trash Into Treasure Office Paper Into Toilet Paper "

Jan 29 2010 Discrimination!: Australia Bans Small Breasts

You know that saying, "more than a mouthful's a waste"? Yeah, me neither. And apparently neither does Australia. The country has decided to ban smaller looking breasts from adult content because of pedo-y concerns.

The ban (RC) on small breasted women in adult publications has been made by the Australian Classification Board allegedly on the grounds that such images could be construed as child pornography, even where those publications comply with American law and keep certification that performers are over 18.

Female ejaculation has been banned on the incredible grounds that "the depictions are a form of urination which is banned under the label of 'golden showers' in the Classification Guidelines" and/or "Female ejaculation is an 'abhorrent' depiction." Notably here male ejaculation is completely legal under the same guidelines, attracting an X rating in Australia.

First of all, breasts of all sizes are awesome. And secondly, what's up with this female ejaculation thing? Talk about a double standard. You outta be ashamed of yourself, Australia! And to think Britain used to use you as a giant penal colony. What happened?

Millions Of Extra Sites To Be Censorsed As Australian Gov. Bans Small Breasts, Female Ejaculation [inquisitr]

Thanks to Korey and Tofu Butcher, who'll take all the breasts they can get, regardless of size or number of nipples.

Jan 29 2010 In Time For Valentine's: Rose Plays Recorded Message For That (Not So) Special Someone

Looking for that perfect Valentine's gift that says, well, whatever the hell you chose to pre-record? Well you're in luck, thanks to the $6 'Red Recording Rose'! And, if there's one thing I know about women, it's how much they love plastic novelty roses that talk when you push a button.

Record your own personal message for that special person, and she/he can enjoy the sound of your voice while admiring their rose. Each rose comes with a built in voice recorder, which allows you to personalise it with a 10 second message which plays back via the built in speaker.

First hear the recordings, and then it will automatically play love songs(Equipped with three classic love songs).

Note: If you think one red rose can not share how much you care her, then we suggest you to buy one more. There will be more discount if you buy more. As we know love is priceless.

How romantic. Couple the rose with a couple Beanie Babies and you'll be making sweet, sweet Valentine's love to yourself faster than you can say, "But don't you want to stay for dinner? Pork chop sandwiches!"

Product Site

Thanks to alfred, who probably won't send me press releases about his products anymore. Just kidding, he totally will.

Jan 29 2010 Perfectly Accurate: How To Report The News

NOTE: F-bomb at 0:24 so turn down the volume there but still listen cause it's funny.

This is a news report on how to report the news. It's 100% accurate and will blow your mind wide open like a knowledge bomb just went off inside your skull. Which -- are you getting all this, Jigsaw? Just sayin', one time I trapped my little sister under a laundry basket for nearly an hour.

Youtube

Thanks to Dustin, who knows no news is good news unless it's on Geekologie.

Jan 29 2010 Conspiracy!: Super Mario 3 Never Happened

Did you know Super Mario 3 was actually just a play? I did, because I'm observant. Yeah, CSI wanted me to join their team but I turned them down because I don't do dead bodies. Figuratively or literally. Sure I poked a run-over opossum with a stick once BUT ONLY CAUSE HE WAS GIVING ME THE STINK-EYE.

Super Mario Bros 3 Never Happened [animenews]

Thanks to GuamOtoko, who played a flying turtle and said all the hoisting up and down made him puke.

Jan 29 2010 To The Beach!: Giant (17") Inflatable D20 Die

Hot on the heels of yesterday's 'No More Hiding Dungeon Master's Guides In You B-Hole' story comes these giant inflatable D20 dice. Each 17-inch die takes only a minute to inflate, and even less to deflate with a pocketknife. $12 get's the ball die rolling. And, since it is Friday, I'll even let you roll for end-of-article joke quality. Haha, two.

Hit the jump for an action shot.

Continue Reading " To The Beach!: Giant (17") Inflatable D20 Die "

Jan 28 2010 Questionable: A Picture Of The Internet

Allegedly this is a picture of the internet (high-res version HERE). Only thing is, I freaking live in the internet and it doesn't look all that familiar. I mean, where are all the naked ladies? Everybody knows the internet is at least 40% naked ladies. AND men. I just shy away from the men areas. No, no I don't. BECAUSE I'M OPEN MINDED.

The Internet: The Picture [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Drew, who knows the internet is predominately tubes. Gerbil tubes. It's basically a giant Habitrail.

Jan 28 2010 Dungeons & Dragons Banned In Prison (Selling Your Ass For Cigarettes Still OK)

Sure the picture isn't actually D&D, but you work with what you're given, homey. Anyway, Kevin T. Singer (and boy does he sing in the shower, let me tell you), a 33 year-old serving a life sentence for first-degree intentional homicide, recently lost a federal lawsuit to allow him and other inmates to play Dungeons & Dragons in the slammer. Maybe you shouldn't have killed that person, Kev!

Prison officials enacted the ban in 2004 after an inmate sent an anonymous letter expressing concern about Singer and three other inmates forming a "gang" focused around playing the game.

Singer was told by prison officials that he could not keep the materials because Dungeons & Dragons "promotes fantasy role playing, competitive hostility, violence, addictive escape behaviors, and possible gambling," according to the ruling. The prison later developed a more comprehensive policy against all types of fantasy games, the court said.

The appeals court said the prison's policy was reasonable and did not violate Singer's rights.

Pfft, rights -- I don't even have any and I'm not even in the can. Well, technically, I actually am in the can. And you know what else I don't have in here? TP. Sorry, right hand, you know what you have to do.

Game over: Inmate Can't Play Dungeons & Dragons [youbentmywookie]

Thanks Eric, wes g and Camille, may all your rolls be 20's. Unless you're rolling for personal damage, in which case I wish you all 1's.

Jan 28 2010 Make Your Keyring Magical With Unikeys

Unicorn shaped key covers: genius. As if my pockets could even contain any more magic!

Once upon a time single-horned ponies were pretty hard to find and could only be caught by unethical means. Now you can snag our UniKeys Unicorn Key Caps merely by paying the modest price, and you won't even have to feed them.

Our UniKeys Unicorn Key Caps come complete with a twinkle in their eye with little pink and purple embedded rhinestones!

$5 takes home two and come with the manufacturer's guarantee that no unicorns were harmed making them. Unfortunately, they can't say the same about the Griffins.

Product Site
via
Unikeys Adds Fantasy to Your Key Caps [gearfuse]

Thanks to Yopoleo, who has centaur keycaps which makes him infinitely cooler than all of us.

Jan 28 2010 Uh-Oh: Link Out Of Hearts AND Lon-Lon Milk

Link. Link. LINK! Nooooooooooooooo!! Somebody fetch this little guy a fairy, STAT! Damnit Tink, what the hell good are you gonna do? But while you're here -- dust me so I can fly my ass out of here. I don't need to be standing around with a pocketful of rupees when Zelda's people show up.

Quickly Give Link Some Hearts! [epicwinftw]

Thanks to Yopoleo and Awesomeonius, who would have at least slipped the little guy a red potion.

Jan 28 2010 Bad Ideas: PETA Wants Punxsutawney Phil Replaced By Robotic Version Of Himself

PETA wants spring-predicting groundhog Punxsutawney Phil replaced with by a robotic version. I can see it now: Well, did he see his shadow? I don't know, but he did kill 14,000 bystanders.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it's unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each Feb. 2 in Punxsutawney, a tiny borough about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. PETA is suggesting the use of an animatronic model.

But William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, says the animal is "being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania."

Uh, how exactly is the average child treated in Pennsylvania? Because if it's anything like a red-headed stepchild we might want to go rescue ol' Punxsutawney. And speaking of which, 'Groundhog Day'. That Bill Murray, such a riot. "Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key." Wrong movie? I don't care.

PETA wants a robot Punxsutawney Phil for Groundhog Day [dailyrecord]

Thanks to Existential Extrovert, Pat, Barbara, Cambria, Melissa, Pepe La PEWPEW and Sarah, who are all smart enough to know robotic groundhogs don't even cast shadows. Or ballets. You hear me? YOU WILL NEVER VOTE!

Jan 28 2010 J.D. Salinger Dies At 91

J.D. Salinger, best known as the reclusive writer of 'The Catcher In The Rye' and being one of my favorite authors, has passed away at 91. I took the liberty of including some of my favorite quotes from Catcher here, but I highly highly HIGHLY encourage you all to take the time and read 'Nine Stories' and 'Franny and Zooey' and 'Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction'.

What really knocks me out is a book, when you're all done reading it, you wished the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.

The thing is, it's really hard to be roommates with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs - if yours are really good ones and theirs aren't. You think if they're intelligent and all, the other person, and have a good sense of humor, that they don't give a damn whose suitcases are better, but they do. They really do. It's one of the reasons why I roomed with a stupid bastard like Stradlater. At least his suitcases were as good as mine.

If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she's late? Nobody.

I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.

Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

I had heard that Salinger had allegedly been stockpiling and saving work to be published posthumously, so we can only hope that's the case. Rest in peace, J.D.

'Catcher in the Rye' author J.D. Salinger dies [yahoonews]

Jan 28 2010 Wait, What?: Certified Virgin Certificates

People can tell by your social awkwardness, you don't need a certificate. Also, isn't selling $1 virgin diplomas to people who "feel like a virgin, or want to be a virgin again" encouraging deception? And deception, as we all know, is the mantra of the Decepticons. Don't get me wrong, I still ordered like fifty certificates with a bunch of my aliases, but still. Do as I say, not as I do.

Certified Virgin

Thanks to David, who has a certified sexpert certificate. And I should know, I signed it.

Jan 28 2010 Great, Now They're After Our Professional Athletes: Robot Kicks Soccer Ball 124MPH

Castrol, best known for keeping my ride lubed (double entendre!), went and created a robot to kick the everliving shit out of a soccer ball? Why? Cause they're a bunch of jerks.

Is there no end to the effort a company will expend on a promotional stunt? Deemed unsafe for training goalies, this bot seems useless. It will be touring the world as a demo of technical prowess and corporate largess, showing the lengths to which a company will go to garner attention. Looks like it's worked so far.

God, could you even imagine getting kicked by that thing? It'd be like, well, having your balls projected out the top of your skull at lightspeed. Which, I don't know about you, but I've been trying to avoid. Just sayin', a mule got me once, sent em as high my throat. They were salty.

Ball-busting bot propels soccer ball to 124mph [dvice]

Jan 28 2010 Epic Dinosaur Duel Not As Epic As I Imagined

These are two dueling dinos as imagined by deviantARTist IsisMasshiro. As you might be able to tell, it looks less like an epic dino-fight and more like a moderate catfight. Which, true story, two women got into at the bar last weekend. Now I'm not saying I was encouraging them, but I certainly wasn't not yelling, "TEAR HER TRAMPY BLOUSE OFF!" at the top of my lungs either.

IsisMasshiro's DeviantART

Thanks to Wayne, Clint and Killbot Nemesis, who have all had to break up catfights at one time or another. Did you find any clumps of hair afterward?! (I want to smell them)

Jan 28 2010 Citing Geekologie In A Craigslist Dating Ad

Generally isn't a good idea. UNLESS YOU'RE TRYING TO MEET THE AWESOMEST WOMEN IN THE WORLD! Now I know what you're thinking, and no, this isn't me. I don't live in Alaska and I've been petitioning Craigslist for 'Man Seeking Dino' listings for years now (bigots!). So, which one of you is this? And, more importantly, has the ad been pulling any geeky ladies? I know for a fact it's at least gotten a few responses from a guy pretending to be different women. *tee hee hee!*

Craigslist

Thanks to Jackie, who may or may not have responded to the ad. Oh yeah, Jackie? Well so did I.

Jan 27 2010 China Renames Mountain To Honor 'Avatar'

China recently decided to change the name of the famous 'Southern Sky Column' in Zhangjiajie, Hunan province to 'Avatar Hallelujah Mountain' in order to honor James Cameron's blue kitteh blockbuster garner some tourism. Clever, China, clever.

Avatar has become the most popular film ever in China, making $80m (£50m) at the box office so far.

"Many pictures he took then become prototypes for various elements in the Avatar movie, including the 'Hallelujah Mountains'," Reuters quoted the website as saying.

The renaming of the mountain is one of the several attempts by Zhangjiajie to capitalise on the success of Avatar.

The municipal government website has also adopted the slogan "Pandora is far but Zhangjiajie is near", while tourists are being offered tours of the locations which allegedly inspired the film, Reuters reports.

Listen China -- you want to really capitalize on Avatar's success? Bootlegging. It's a no-brainer!

China renames 'Avatar' mountain in honour of film [bbcnews]

Thanks to Jenn and daniellejuice, who kept getting up to use the bathroom and buy candy and completely ruined my chances of recording a quality bootleg.

Jan 27 2010 Clever: Nintendo University Class Schedules

This is Mario's class schedule for his current semester at Nintendo University. As you can see, he's taking some pretty cakewalk courses and should probably just skip them to get high in the dorm and talk to girls on AIM trying to score dates. Haha, do I know college or what? I do, I went for 9 years.

Hit the jump for Link and Fox McCloud's schedules.

Continue Reading " Clever: Nintendo University Class Schedules "

Jan 27 2010 WANT: Tron Legacy Light-Bike In Real Life

This is a shot of one of the light-bikes from the new 'Tron Legacy'. I'm gonna go ahead and lay claim to it. There, it's mine now.

Created by toymaker Spin Master to help promote the movie (which doesn't come out for another 11 months, by the way), it looks pretty awesome. They'll be making more reasonably-sized versions for sale as, you know, toys, closer to the release of the movie.

I don't want a smaller one, I want that full size one right there. Yeah, with leather saddlebags and some sweet-ass flames on the sides. Or, if I can't have that, I'll take Batman's Batpod with streamers on the handlebars.

Tron Legacy Bike Appears in Meatspace [gizmodo]

Thanks to Dylan, who, if you're travelin' to the north country fair, where the winds hit heavy on the borderline, remember me to one who lives there. She once was a true love of mine.

Jan 27 2010 Dinosaur Ballet: It's As Erotic As It Sounds

This short dino ballet animation is arguably the most erotic thing I've seen since that time I watched myself lick an actual fossilized t-rex bone in the mirror (I ran my tongue up and down all slow and seductively while winking at myself). Speaking of which, where is that bone? Oh no. OH GOD NO. CHLOOOOEE!! Bad dog.

Youtube

Thanks to Badger, cakey hamburger, pstonej, Kristi and Carolina, who know what a GW likes. Hey, I also like sandwiches, guys. *hint*

Jan 27 2010 Apple's New Tablet: The iPad, Yes, iPad

Finally, we can all sleep at night having seen Apple's new tablet, the iPad. That's right, iPad (after taking a hint from the old Mad TV sketch). The first-gen tablet is 0.5 inches thin, 1.5 lbs, and has a 9.7" multi-touch screen. It will be powered by Apple's own 1GHz A4 chip and available in 16, 32 and 64GB configurations. The battery will run video for 10 HOURS STRAIGHT ON A CHARGE and standby for nearly a month. It won't make calls and doesn't have a camera or multitasking capabilities. Pricing is as follows: WiFi only model: 16GB $499, 32GB $599, 64GB $699. WiFi AND 3G model: 16GB $629, 32GB $729, 64GB $829. 3G is AT&T exclusive but no contract required, prepay $15/month for up to 256MB data, $30 unlimited. Basically it's a giant iPod touch. WiFi models begin shipping in 60 days and the 3G's in 90 days. Apple should send me a free one so I can play with it. This concludes my boring journalistic duties for the day. Please stay tuned for more nonsensical rambling.

Official Site

Thanks to John, Van, Joseph, wes g, alex, King Rooster, Fabulous Lisa, rob, Ktar, Nick, another John and Julian for reminding me something was happening today. Boozefest?

Jan 27 2010 Wikipedia's Comparison Of Vampire Traits

This is part of a chart comparing the traits of various vampires. As you can see, there's little to no consistency between vampire franchises. This is the appearances chart, but if you go to Wikipedia they also have comparisons of weaknesses, supernatural powers, reproduction and similarities in plot setting. I'm convinced somebody made them with the explicit intention of proving to Twi-hards that they're not in love with a real vampire, just a twinkly little bitch with gorgeous hair. Which, God, that hair.

Tables of vampire traits [wikipedia]

Thanks to Erik, whose devilish good looks put Edward 'Twinkle Toes' Cullen's to shame.

Jan 27 2010 Top Gear's The Stig Spotted On Google Maps

For those of you that don't watch the BBC's Top Gear, you're missing out. And for those of you that do -- let me know when so I can come over and pound some brewhahas and subsequently puke and pass out in your laundry room. Yeah, I'm an awesome guest.

BBC Top Gear's enigmatic racing car driver The Stig mysteriously appeared on Google's Street View, standing by the side of a road at Loch Ness.

The true identity of the BBC show's test-track demon has never been confirmed. Some people even think there has been more than one Stig, with Formula 1 legend Michael Schumacher and Damon Hill often rumoured to have donned the white suit and helmet.

Now I'd hate to ruin the mystery of The Stig, but I know exactly who he is. He's me. Surprised? Pfft, I can drive. I don't have a license but I can drive. Just not 55. No sir, not 55. High-five, Sammy -- now Cabo Wabo me.

Hit the jump for a shot of The Stig spotted in the window of an office building.

Continue Reading " Top Gear's The Stig Spotted On Google Maps "

Jan 27 2010 Uh, What?: Taxidermied Mouse Flash Drive

This is a taxidermied mouse with a flash drive wedged up its ass. It reminds me spying days when I made off with a bunch of top secret files from the Pentagon. Except that wasn't a flash drive, it was a stack of 5¼-inch floppies. And let me tell you: based on the way I was walking you would've sworn they were only 3½-inchers. I sashayed out of there like a f***ing runway model!

Hit the jump for a video of the mouse in action (his LED eyes blink during data transfer!).

Continue Reading " Uh, What?: Taxidermied Mouse Flash Drive "

Jan 27 2010 No, Not Radical: Robot Riding A Dino Tattoo

Radical is the opposite of what I was thinking. A cowbot riding a velociraptor around like a common horse? It's enough to make me sick to my stomach. Speaking of which: mixing soymilk and OJ doesn't make an Orange Julius. But it does make you throw up in your mouth a little (high-five Facebook friends -- you know what I'm talking about!). Anyway, today I'm gonna try adding sugar.

Picture
and
Picture

Thanks to Alex, who once went to a dinosaur rodeo and said it made him sick. You must have gone to the wrong kind Alex (I'll be in the closet).

Jan 27 2010 T-Shirt: IT'S A (CHINESE FINGER) TRAP!

This is today's woot.shirt. It's Admiral Ackbar stuck in a Chinese finger trap. Unfortunately, they already sold out of the first run of (3,000) tees before I woke up this morning. But fear not, the shirt will most definitely be available again next week during The Reckoning (somebody remind me and I'll post a link) so you can go pick one up for $15. Then we can all wear them to Geekologie-con and point and laugh at each other's funny t-shirts like giddy little schoolgirls. I may even look up your skirt if you're lucky. AND IT BETTER NOT BE A TRAP THIS TIME! It's gonna be a trap, isn't it? I'll risk it!

UPDATE: Shirt back and available for $15 HERE.

Shirt.Woot (different shirt tomorrow)

Thanks to 4thirty, Garfield, Tony, Greg and CHRISYUN, who....IT'S A TRAP! ROFLOL. Never gets old.

Jan 26 2010 S#!7 84LLZ GAAAAHH!!: Games Renamed What You Say Most While Playing Them

This is a little gallery from College Humor that reimagines video games named what people say the most while playing them. They're pretty accurate. But, for your reading pleasure, I've compiled a list of some of my personal faves.

1. MOOOOOOOM -- I Need Another Juice Box!
2. GAAAAAAAAAHH!!
3. PEW PEW Bitches -- Headshot!
4. Aren't You Hot In That Dress, Zelda?
5. Damnit Stop Walking In Front Of The TV, Dick
6. *the sound of a thrown controller*
7. I WILL F***ING KILL YOU ALL AND DESTROY EARTH!
8. God I Hate This Game

Hit the jump for several more of the HACKS! HE'S PLAYING WITH HACKS!

Continue Reading " S#!7 84LLZ GAAAAHH!!: Games Renamed What You Say Most While Playing Them "

Jan 26 2010 Yikes!: SCARY LITTLE VADER IS SCARY

This is a child dressed as a helmet-less Darth Vader. Why any parent would subject their child to this sort of cruelty is beyond me. One look at himself in the mirror and that poor bastard is scarred for life. So creepy. I think I speak for us all when I say closing your eyes and imagining Darth Vader's shriveled rutabaga head in Return of the Jedi is a surefire way to shoot down a rogue boner.

Morbid Darth Vader Costume For Kids Looks Deadly! [walyou]

Jan 26 2010 That's Oldschool!: LG's New Retro Television

LG's Serie 1 Retro Classic TV doesn't just look like an old CRT television, it is an old CRT television. Except they're new. Old technology, new product. It's confusing, I know!

The set features a 14-inch diagonal screen, complete with rabbit-ear antennae and chrome legs. It even has old-school knobs for changing channels and adjusting volume. However, this set has a modern digital tuner, composite video for your retro video game console, and a wireless remote so it's not completely antique tech.

For extra fun, you can flip the television between full color, black & white and sepia tone modes

The TV is currently only available in Korea for around $216, but they may make their way somewhere else in the future. Probably Japan. Hold on, telephone. Hello -- Indy? Hold on I'm gonna put you on speakerphone. "IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!"

Hit the jump for several other shots.

Continue Reading " That's Oldschool!: LG's New Retro Television "

Jan 26 2010 Body Shots!: Body Scan Comparison Of 250 Pound Woman Versus 120 Pound Woman

Looks like the larger of the two just had a fairly significant meal as well. Just sayin', give it a couple hours and she'll only be a 246 pounder. Also, I highly don't recommend it but if you look hard enough I think you can make out their vaginas. So, yeah -- have fun with that.

Body Scans of two Women: 250lb vs 120lb [boredpanda]

Thanks to Jiakasuma, who makes body scans look gooood.

Jan 26 2010 Zelda Medleys On Guitar And Stylophone

This is a little compilation of Zelda medleys from The Ocarina of Time being played by Joe Marvelly. Mostly on the guitar and Stylophone, but there's a little drum action thrown in for good measure. And speaking of good measures: did you know each box of Raisin Bran is packed with two heaping scoopfuls of raisins? That's a lot of f***ing raisins! Plus fiber (it'll keep you regular). Pay me, Kellogg's.

Youtube

Thanks to Edd, who, *toot tootle toot tootle toot*.

Jan 26 2010 Is This The New Apple Tablet? (Probably Not)

So Apple's gonna announce their tablet tomorrow. That's exciting. And these are allegedly a couple leaked pictures of the thing a whole day early. Boners all around! And, because I love you, I'll post real pictures tomorrow if you're like following this sort of thing. But, if you like following women with a video camera trying to film up their skirts, sorry, can't help ya.

Hit the jump for a closer shot of what may or may not be an empty picture frame.

Continue Reading " Is This The New Apple Tablet? (Probably Not) "

Jan 26 2010 You Deserve To Wreck: A Bike Book Holder

Similar in concept to the steering wheel desk, the $15 Performance Book Caddy is chock-full of design win. You just mount it to your bike's handlebars, and, within minutes, crash into the back of a parked car and break bones. Fun!

Trying to find time to catch up on your reading and training? Do both at one time with the Performance Book Caddy! Perfect for all types of reading material. It mounts in seconds to virtually any road, mountain or stationary bike.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "GW, I bet you could fit your laptop on there", you are. I'm blogging from the road, suckers! OH -- OH SHIT!!

Okay now I'm blogging from a drainage ditch. Haha, why is there a human leg in here?
...
...
MEDIC!

Book holder for your bike is a cheap way to kill yourself [dvice]

Jan 25 2010 But WHY Would You?: If You Printed Twitter...

If you printed Twitter...you should really reevaluate your life. Also, you completely depleted Earth's natural resources. Way to go, dick.

But wait, there's more! Hit the jump to read the rest of the informational graphic showing just how badly you'd doom the planet if you decided to do something as stupid as print everything on Twitter.

Continue Reading " But WHY Would You?: If You Printed Twitter... "

Jan 25 2010 Mystery Science Theater 3000: Crow And Tom Servo In LEGO (Plus Bonus Satellite Of Love!)

Here's Crow and Tom Servo created entirely out of LEGO blocks. If you have no idea who Crow and Tom are, 1) you outta be ashamed 2) we can no longer be friends and 3) what do you mean we never were? 4) you just broke my heart, jerk. Hit the jump for a shot of the Satellite of Love in LEGO, then get out there and watch some horrible-ass movies! I've heard that new 'Avatar' is pretty shitty.

Jump for the Bone of Love!

Continue Reading " Mystery Science Theater 3000: Crow And Tom Servo In LEGO (Plus Bonus Satellite Of Love!) "

Jan 25 2010 Not In Your Uniforms!: Stormtroopers Dancing To Wonder Girls' Hit 'Nobody'

I'm not familiar with South Korean girl band Wonder Girls, but, to my credit, I stopped listening to new music in the 90's. But maybe you have. Maybe you shake your ass to it before bed at night with just your underwear on. That's cool. Regardless, this is a video of a bunch of stormtroopers dancing to their smash hit 'Nobody'. And I think I speak for the entire Galactic Empire when I say, "WHAT THE F*** DO YOU GUYS THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" I smell a round of Force-chokes coming on!

SeoulDanceTroopers Does Wonder Girl's Nobody [toysrevil]

Thanks to Mimi, who once filmed a bunch of Ewok's dancing to Daft Punk's 'Around The World'. Sweeeeet.

Jan 25 2010 Mmmm, Bloody: The Sharky Tea Infuser

I'm not really sure if the Sharky Tea Infuser is a real product or just conceptual, but you have to admit: it's a great idea. Or, it would be if it looked like a human body with a bite out of it instead of a shark fin. Oh, and your tea was always blood red. Yep, yep, yep, great idea.

shark tea infuser succeed [succeedblog]

Thanks Jazz, I love your music.

Jan 25 2010 Robots Celebrate Anniversary Of US Killing

I know I reported last year that July 21st, 1984 was the date of the first US robot killing, but, well, maybe that was wrong. Or maybe this one's wrong. But whatever the case, I'm always right. Always.

1979: A 25-year-old Ford Motor assembly line worker is killed on the job in a Flint, Michigan, casting plant. It's the first recorded human death by robot.

Williams died instantly in 1979 when the robot's arm slammed him as he was gathering parts in a storage facility, where the robot also retrieved parts. Williams' family was later awarded $10 million in damages. The jury agreed the robot struck him in the head because of a lack of safety measures, including one that would sound an alarm if the robot was near.

Pfft, robot alarms. The only sound you're gonna hear if a robot nears me is samurai sword slicing through metal like hot margerine. Then, after that, *BANGARANG! BANGARANG! BANGARANG!* (Ancient teabagging mantra).

Jan. 25, 1979: Robot Kills Human [wired]

Thanks to Big T and pbx, who have never met a robot they didn't not like.

Jan 25 2010 Movie Filmed Entirely By Chimps To Be Aired

The BBC will be airing the appropriately titled 'Chimpcam' on BBC Two at 2000GMT on Wednesday January, 27th, during the 'Natural World' show. It was shot entirely by chimps at the Edinburgh Zoo toting video cameras around their enclosures. Amazingly, none of them made sex videos.

Gradually, the chimps started playing with the Chimpcam, carrying it around the enclosure.

The chimps soon became interested in the camera view screen on the Chimpcam box, watching what happened as they moved the Chimpcam around filming new images.

The apes are unlikely to have actively tried to film any particular subject, or understand that by carrying Chimpcam around, they were making a film.

However, the result, as well as providing new information on how chimps like to see the world, may yet go down in television history.

I don't care what you say, 'Chimpcam' beats the hell out of those douchedufflebags of 'Jersey Shore' any day. And, God willing, hucks shit at them.

Movie made by chimpanzees to be broadcast on television [bbcnews]

Thanks to Erica, who once attached a video camera to her dog's collar. He chewed it off.

Jan 25 2010 It's About Time: A Ouija Board Just For Her

Upset that devil worshiping is traditionally a boys-only game? Well fret not, ladies, cause now there's a Ouija board just for you! It's pink! Girls love pink! Plus shoes!

It has always been mysterious. It has always been mystifying. And now the OUIJA Board is just for you, girl. With 72 fun questions included, you'll never run out of things to ask. Who will call/text me next? Will I be a famous actor someday? Who wishes they could trade places with me? Gather your friends around, draw a card, place your fingers on the planchette and ask your question. Concentrate very hard and watch as the answer is revealed in the message window. Make up your own questions, and let the OUIJA Board satisfy your curiosity in virtually endless ways. OUIJA Board will answer. It's just a game - or is it?

It's not just a game. It's like an empty soup can and long string STRAIGHT TO THE DEVIL'S MOUTH. Don't believe me? One time growing up a friend and I asked what we were gonna get for Christmas that year. You know what it said? 'SOQMNETR'. Which, last time I checked, is not how you spell 'ALL THE HE-MAN TOYS EVER MADE INCLUDING THE CASTLE GRAYSKULL PLAYSET'. Then we threw it in the fire and heard screaming.

Toys R Us
via
Toys R Us Can't Be Serious. But They Are. [babble]

Thanks to zeppomarks, who asked a Magic 8 Ball if I'd post this tip. 'It is decidedly so'.

Jan 25 2010 Heavenly Portal Opens In Porto, Portugal

Any minute now I expect the Four Unicornmen of the Apocalypse to come riding out of that hole on a rainbow and start royally f***ing this world up. Just sayin', an apocalyptic portal just opened in in Porto, Portugal -- grammatical coincidence OR SURE SIGN OF IMPENDING DOOM?! Granted you could argue it's a raindrop or something ridiculous like that but that would make you a conspirator and, quite possibly, a member of the Illuminati. HA, LIKE THEY'D ACCEPT YOU, you're a grocery bagger! Whoa there champ -- eggs in their own bag, please.

Google Maps

Thanks to Thin_icE, who's treading on it if this post isn't well received.

Jan 25 2010 Cthulhu Ski Mask Perfect For Bank Robbery

Now I'm not saying you should go out and rob a bank, but I am saying I have a birthday coming up in seven months and money is always the right size. Interpret as you will (at least get a payday loan, cheapskate). Made by Sugarcoatidli3z, the same creator as this Pikachu ski mask (you have washed that sweathshirt, right?), Cthulhu here is sure to haunt your dreams and make children cry hysterically with equal dexterity. Which, provided it chase the naked mermen out of my dreams in the process, is a win-win situation. Haha, not you, King Triton, you and I have some unfinished business to attend to. So, Ariel's like, what, 37 now? I'll give you six dolphins for her.

Sugarcoatidli3z's deviantART (with the pattern to make your own)

Thanks to sham, who once knitted an elephant ski mask. DO WANT.

Jan 25 2010 eBay: (Reproduction Of) Pee-wee's Clockey

Slow down when you read the titles, it's not what it sounds like. This a reproduction of Pee-wee's Clockey, from the hit children's (and high 20-something's) television show 'Pee-Wee's Playhouse'. I want the talking chair! *wikipedia-ing* Chairry! I want Chairry!

Have the coolest playhouse on the block! It's a one-of-a-kind, handmade paper-maché replica of Clocky from Pee-wee's Playhouse, and it is a working clock. Made to hang on a wall. It is lightweight but sturdy, it measures just under 30"x20" at its widest points. The Clocky pictured is not the exact one that the winner will receive, but it is basically the same in every way.

eBay seller (and loyal Geekologie Reader) benzbay is selling the clocks for $150, so if you're interested go scoop one up. Aaaaand if you're not interested don't scoop one up, I don't care. But you will scoop up your dog's mess if it shits in my yard OR YOU WILL BE TAZED. Fair warning, that makes it legal.

Hit the jump for two more shots and a link to the auction.

Continue Reading " eBay: (Reproduction Of) Pee-wee's Clockey "

Jan 24 2010 We're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat Blood Clot

What in the hell is that? I mean, besides the most dangerous looking shark-inspired edged weapon I've ever seen? Good God. I'd hate to trip and fall on that. Or you. Cause then it'd probably look like we were doing it. Awkward. HEY -- I felt that! You thrusted.

Shark Knife [sadanduseless]

Thanks to Dena, who has a crocodile inspired knife but only uses it to open packages.

Jan 24 2010 Seizure Inducing: An Interactive LED Wall

This is a video of a movement-tracking interactive LED wall in Montreal, Canada. It was a joint project created by Moment Factory and PHOTONIC Dreams and utilizes the latest in seizure inducing technologies. Including, and virtually limited to: bright blinking lights. Still, it might be fun to mess around with if you're high as a weather balloon and convinced you're at a strip club. BUT WHERE ARE THE DANCING GIRLS?! In your dreams, GW, in your dreams. No, those are dinosaurs. And mermen. What?! They swam in uninvited!

Youtube
and
Youtube (longer video)

Thanks to Danny, who once entertained himself for 14 hours straight with a blanket and LED flashlight.

Jan 24 2010 Harry Potter Section Of Universal Studios' Islands Of Adventure Coming This Spring

Maybe you already knew this because you're a Hogwarts graduate but Universal Studios is opening a Harry Potter themed section of its Islands of Adventure park in Orlando this spring. Magic! From what i can tell it's gonna be like three rides (NSFW) and twelve ridiculously overpriced restaurants and stores. Whee! (Get me a new wizard hat) Speaking of Harry Potter, you know what I saw the other day? Some grown-ass adult driving around with a 'My Parents Blatantly Hid My Hogwarts Acceptance Letter' bumper sticker on his car. So you know what I did? I honked to get his attention and then waved my own little wand at him. Yeah, it was pretty magical.

Official Site

Thanks to evan, who cast off his wizard robe and hat and was subsequently banned from all amusement parks.

Jan 24 2010 Yes Please!: Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction

This is a screenshot of the International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer's Association website. The site itself looks like it was made by a 6th grader for a middle school computer class, but don't let the look fool you: it's jam-packed with some of the steamiest sex stories I've ever read. With such classics as 'What's 25 Feet Tall and Comes in Pints?', 'One Big Pile Of Yes', and 'Carnivore Creation Cream', there's sure to be something to satisfy even the most discriminating dinophile. A sample:

Back in the lobby, amidst the human body parts and broken dinosaur models, Grant started to have mouth sex with his dead raptor friend. He would endorse this park, he decided, for he had finally been able to play. And parks are meant to be played in.

What. The. F***? You know, I'm starting to have second thoughts about this whole dino-fetish thing. I kid -- save some for me, Grant.

International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer's Association

Thanks to SexMess, who rocked my world like a thundering herd of Hypsilophodons.

Jan 23 2010 Flowchart: It Fell On The Floor, Should I Eat It?

The latest in flowing charts posted here on Geekologie, this graphic guides you through the process of determining if a dropped food item is still worth eating. Of course, it's completely inaccurate. When it comes to eating shit off the floor there's really only one question you need to ask yourself before popping it back in your mouth: is it actually shit?

Dropped Food. Should You Eat it? [flowingdata]

Thanks to twellve, who lives (and may die) by the 5-second rule.

Jan 23 2010 Questionable: Becoming A Na'vi In 10 Seconds

This is another video tutorial of how to make yourself up like a Na'vi. Except this clown does it all in 10 seconds (with lots of cheating). It's also a horribly disguised viral for that Samsung camera. Of course, I posted it so it can't be THAT bad. Yes, yes it can be. Damnit, Samsung, don't think I won't boycott you. I don't care how vibrant the picture is on your new UN46B7000 46" 1080p LED Backlit HDTV. OR how much it'll reduce my energy bill versus a traditional LCD TV. I mean, so what if it boasts a 3,000,000:1 contrast ratio and an 120Hz frequency that virtually eliminates all motion blur? (I'll email my bank info, you wire me a grand).

Youtube

Thanks to Marija and Christina, one or both of which may have been hired to trick me into posting this.

Jan 23 2010 It Was Here When I Checked Last Night...

Funny, I could've sworn there was a porn site here...

404 Error [epicwinftw]

Thanks to Jackie, who didn't so much send a tip as me poach one off her Facebook wall.

Jan 23 2010 But Can We Cuddle Afterward?: Holiday Inn Offers Human Bed-Warming Service

Holiday Inn, best known for putting me up last night and providing me with the sleep I needed to pilot my flight back home this morning, is now offering a complementary human bed warming service at its London Kensington location (pissing will still cost extra).

If requested, a willing member of hotel staff will jump in your bed, dressed head to foot in an all-in-one sleeper suit, until your nightly chamber warms up.

Holiday Inn spokeswoman Jane Bednall described the plan as something like having a "giant hot water bottle in your bed."

Really, Jane? Was the metaphor really necessary? I'd like to think everyone here can imagine what a stranger in a bunny suit lying in their bed is like. Like awesome. I call little spoon!

Holiday Inn Offers 'Human Bed-Warming Service' to Combat Icy Sheets [foxnews]

Thanks to Jay, who's only interested if there are different costume options.

Jan 22 2010 I'd Do It: Man Plans To Freefall From 23 Miles And Break The Sound Barrier With His Body

Red Bull sponsored Felix Baumgartner is going to freefall from at least 120,000 feet and attempt to break a bunch of records, including, but not limited to: being the first person to break the sound barrier with just his body. You're gonna implode, bro!

This is a mission to overcome limits which have existed for almost fifty years, ever since the heroic achievement of the young US Air Force test pilot, Joe Kittinger, with his 1960 Excelsior mission.

Red Bull Stratos will attempt to make history and deliver valuable learnings for medical and scientific advancement that will aid the exploration of space in future years.

I couldn't really find when the whole thing is actually going down, so this is a trailer for the mission to sate your thrill-seeking appetite in the meantime. Still, I can't wait to see what happens. But if it's anything like Travis Pastrana's car jump on New Years, I could do it. Red Bull gives me confidence! Plus jitters!

Red Bull Stratos

Thanks to Jennifer and Bethy, who were going to be the first females to freefall from 100 miles up but floated off into space. That sucks (have you seen any space bars?!).

Jan 22 2010 Sneaky: That's No Book, That's A MacBook!

Looking for that perfect MacBook sleeve that says, "I'm not just a creative, I'm a pretentious creative?" Then you're in luck. Also, probably not that creative. Burned you just got burned.

Called the BookBook, this $79.99 case literally transforms your MacBook into "an antique leather-bound book." Not just for looks, "its hardback sides with reinforced corners protect from impacts [and] the vintage designed spine provide crush protection."

Nice. Now when somebody breaks into your apartment to steal your first edition Shakespeare they're actually getting your MacBook. Haha, the joke's on them!

This Vintage Book Is Your New MacBook Pro Case [iphonesavior]
and
BookBook Case Turns Your MacBook Into Leather-Bound Book [techeblog]

Thanks to Michael and Erin, who have MacBook cases that look like large-print crossword puzzle books.

Jan 22 2010 For Breaking News Always Use CAPS-LOCK

Using CAPS in text is the typed equivalent of screaming. I do it for emphasis, but my relatives tend to use it because they're stupid and want to make sure the latest "FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FUNNY ANIMAL PICTURES" chain email they've sent really grabs my attention. But apparently it's all (CAPS) systems go if we're talking breaking news! CAPS-LOCK: BECAUSE BREAKING NEWS CAN'T WAIT FOR THOSE LOWERCASE PUSSIES.

BREAKING NEWS REQUIRES ALL CAPS [gizmodo]

Thanks to Sharon, who actually does scream all the time in real life and may or may not be related to Susie Greene.

Jan 22 2010 Body Modification: A Window For Your Lip

You know how they say eyes are the windows to the soul? Well apparently a Pyrex plug is the window to your teeth and gums. Who knew?

...presumably refraction of transmitted light explains the visualization of both top and bottom teeth through the plug.

Oh really? Well presumably refraction of transmitted projectile vomit explains the visualization of both puke on my shoes AND desk. Science, baby! (Somebody come clean this mess up).

Lip window [tywkiwdbi]

Thanks to matt, who has a window to his brain. Ooh ooh -- let me see! Not a whole lot going on up here, matt.

Jan 22 2010 Music!: Two Youtube Videos And A Crossfader

Two Youtube Videos And A Motherf***ing Crossfader is exactly that: two Youtube videos and a motherf***ing crossfader. You can search Youtube for videos, then fire them up and PRESTO!, you're a DJ! Not a very good one, but most aren't. GIMME SOMETHING I CAN SWING MY GLOWSTICKS TO, DAMNIT!

TwoYoutubeVideosAndAMotherF***ingCrossfader

Thanks to valdes and Victor, whose beets are so fresh they come straight from the farm to your table. Uh, wrong beats, guys.

Jan 22 2010 Don't Even Act Like You're Not Into This

You are SOOO into this. And so am I. IMPALE ME!

Youtube (with a whole bunch more!)

Thanks to Uncle_FUJ, who's burning his grandmother's wardrobe even as we speak. Smart thinking.

Jan 22 2010 The Geek Clock Tells Time With Equations

As many of you may know, I'm a rocket surgeon so reading this clock is like second nature to me. But for the rest of you, hopefully by now you've figured out what numbers typically go where. The Geek Clock runs $25 and would make a great addition to your cubicle, right next to the, 'I Break For π' bumper sticker. LOL! I swear, you've always had the best taste in bumper stickers.

Hit the jump for an explanation of each number.

Continue Reading " The Geek Clock Tells Time With Equations "

Jan 22 2010 Yeah, This Will End Well: Scientists Develop "Autonomous Bipedal Robot Built Out Of DNA"

Just when I thought my dino-ribonucleic acids were safe, I get news that scientists have developed autonomous DNA-bots that can biped their little asses around inside me and royally f*** all my insides up.

The walking device consists of a strand of DNA that contains a 5',5' linkage in the middle. One leg is called L-E and the other is called L-O. It walks on a track consisting of a series of stem-loops (T1-T4) that are part of a stiff DX motif. It is fueled by a pair of successive stem-loops (F1 and F2) that are in solution. The driving force for its motion is the formation of more base pairs than exist at any given time.

Right. DNA-scale robots? That's freaking tiiiiny. And I can recall a time in the not-so-distant past when I was confident nothing could possibly be smaller better to crush monster trucks with than my penis.

Autonomous Bipedal Robot Built Out Of DNA [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Dave, who's working on building an army of nano-ants to combat this evil DNA.

Jan 22 2010 Advertisers Take Note: Now This Is How You Sell Weight Loss/Muscle Building Supplements

I just ordered 600 cases.

Before and After Win [failblog]

Thanks to yeahthatsme, Craig, Ijkabob, corey sucks at video games, retroprofile, Colin, Cloie, dcontard, Nedemai, lolpotatoes, FelipeMago, ed!, Clint, pdq and Justine, who all took black market boner pills and turned into unicorns.

Jan 21 2010 They Have Trucks In Poland?: Polish Semi Driver Drifts Truck For A Minute Straight

This is a video of a Polish truck driver drifting his semi (sans trailer) for a minute straight. It was pretty impressive and definitely put those asshats in 'The Fast And Furiously Beating Off To Modified Civics' to shame. Per the video uploader:

best driver from poland :) kopiowanie bez zezwolenia zabronione!!! komentarze z ksywami lub nazwiskami ewentualnych drajwerow beda usuwane

I honestly have no idea what all that said but I assume they just called me something dirty. OH REALLY? Well how many Poles does it take to drift a semi? 10. One to sit in a stationary truck and 9 to not know how to fake it with CGI. Oooh -- BU-BU-BU-BURN!

Youtube

Thanks to mike, who once drifted a dump truck for eight minutes before all the wheels blew off and it barrel rolled into an embankment. Awesome.

Jan 21 2010 iPhone Stuffed Into Game Boy Advance Body

You ever dreamed of seeing an iPhone case made out of a Game Boy Advance? WELL CONSIDER IT ANSWERED YOU LITTLE SIMPLE MINDED DREAMER! And I want it be noted who made your dream come true. No, not the modder. ME. I did it. And I'm about to do it again. Are you ready for this? YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!! Kidding, you totally are. Still, it felt good for a second there, didn't it? 18 years, sucker!

Hit the jump for some close-ups and a video of the thing playing a little Sonic the Hedgehog. SACRILEGE!

Continue Reading " iPhone Stuffed Into Game Boy Advance Body "

Jan 21 2010 This Is Happening Inside Your Body, Right Now!: White Blood Cell Chasing Bacteria

Allegedly this is a white blood cell chasing around some bacteria and eventually subduing it. Of course, I have no proof that's actually what this is because I'm not a microbioscientist. For all I know it's a really bad VHS copy of a Benny Hill chase scene from the end of his show. But where's the music? A DOO DOO DOOTLE OOT DOO DOO DOOTLE OOT DOOT DA DOOT DA DOOT DOOT. Oh yeah, that's the stuff.

Youtube

Thanks to Ian, who destroys bacteria like colloidal silver. Haha, I know science!

Jan 21 2010 Remember That Jerk That Filmed His Wife Crying After Watching Star Wars?

In case you forgot here's the original post. And now dude has started a website with videos of her crying after every movie they watch. Which so far includes Star Wars, Lord of The Rings, Back to the Futures I and III, Flash of Genius, 2012 and Marley & Me. Now that's a healthy marriage. But is it a healthy meal? No, but Subway has $5 footlongs. Also, if you can watch Marley & Me and not cry you don't have a heart. And I'm not saying that because I cried, because I didn't. I bawled like a baby. But then I chopped down a sequoia with my bare hands and f***ed a cement truck, so, yeah, still all man. Also, stuck (bring a sledgehammer).

Crying Wife

Thanks to cocoa, who knows the only thing funnier than watching somebody cry is watching somebody cry because they hurt themselves doing something stupid.

Jan 21 2010 Iffy: Mailbox Allegedly Counts Your Mail

First of all, who the hell cares if you get four letters instead of three? Screw three pieces of mail but four -- HOLY MARY OF MAIL I BETTER HOVEROUND DOWN TO THE BOX AND RETRIEVE THOSE BITCHES! Secondly, this $55 piece of Thanko garbo doesn't even count your pieces of mail, IT COUNTS HOW MANY TIMES ITS DOOR HAS BEEN OPENED. Which, unless the chubby f***er next door has been stealing your Netflix rentals again, is probably once a day.

A sensor attached to the mailbox counts the number of times the door has been opened, and an LCD display located inside your home keeps you appraised of the possible number of letters or packages that have been delivered.

So basically it can tell you whether your mail has been delivered or not. Hooray. You know what else will tell you if the mail's come yet? Putting the little flag up. BOOSH -- they don't teach you that shit in school!

POSTCN01 Alerts You To New Mail - But The Real Kind [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Luke, Ishbo and sara, who all love analog mail because it's more personal. Pfft, you should read the emails I write, I get personal.

Jan 21 2010 Bungie Donating All Profits From Bungie Store To Red Cross Disaster Relief Until March

That's right, from now until the end of February all profits from Bungie's online store will be donated to the Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund. It's Bungie's way of saying, "We care". And also, "Thanks for making us a gazillion dollars playing Halo". But seriously folks: for those of you who have been hesitant to donate, here's an opportunity to help make a change AND get something for your money. Because heaven forbid you do something out of the kindness of your heart. And, for those of you that don't want a shirt, text HAITI to 90999 to donate $10 to the Red Cross (added to your cellphone bill). Say -- mind if I use your phone for a sec?

Bungie's Online Store
and
The Red Cross

Thanks to Katt, who knows that caring means sharing.

Jan 21 2010 Ooh La La: A Provocative Pac-Man Costume

I see you there, little ghost. You can't hide from me. Sure you've managed to every time I've tried for the past 14 years (you're so elusive!), but one of these days, one of these days. You know what the problem is? I always get told I'm "too nice". Really? Well I can't be that nice because I ran over your cat on the way over but didn't say anything CAUSE I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA DO IT. Anything? Damn. I really did though. Still nothing? I'll let myself out.

That's Where The Ghost Is!!! [hawtness]

Thanks to Aisha, who is a girl and thus legitimizes this post. BOOSH!

Jan 21 2010 Painful: Super Mario Jersey Shore Mashup

Because I cannot tell a lie, I did (shamefully) watch 15-minutes of MTV's 'Jersey Shore' one time before setting the television on fire and getting kicked out of the bar (where's my show, MTV?). Anyway, if you haven't ever seen an episode, keep it up. But this is a video from Dr CoolSex of a Super Mario Bros. version of Jersey Shore. I watched a solid minute (well, 40 seconds) of it before all those hateful feelings came rushing back and I punched through the computer screen and shat a bear.
...
...
Hey Boo-Boo!

Youtube

Thanks to Alexander The Great and Juan, who have both landed in Newark on the way to NYC before and agree that was more than enough Jersey for them.

Jan 21 2010 Congrats: World's Largest Pokémon Collection

Uh-oh, looks like there's a new Pokémon girl in town! Move over, Belle Starenchak, Lisa Courtney's got you beat in the realm of Pokémon related memorabilia (larger shot HERE). Congratulations, Lisa, you could have sent yourself to college.

The 21-year-old, from Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire, has spent 13 years building up the collection which she said has swelled to more than 13,400 since it was counted by Guinness record-checkers last year and fills most of the house she shares with mother Sharon.

''To be in the new Gamer's Edition and to hold a world record for something you feel so passionate about is just an indescribable feeling,'' she said.

''My family have been incredibly supportive considering the collection takes up the whole house, including my mother's room!

''I've even named the room where my main collection resides Pokemon Centre Europe.''

We all strive for different things. Some people strive for greatness, but Lisa -- Lisa here strives for fifteen of the same stuffed animal. FOR THE LAST TIME, HAND OVER A SQUIRTLE!

Pokémon fan earns world record with 12,000-item memorabilia collection [telegraph]

Thanks to Age and Ben, who collect phone numbers. From ladies. And, ,sometimes, men pretending to be ladies.

Jan 21 2010 I See You!: Waldo Spotted On Google Maps

Finally, we can all sleep a little easier at night knowing Waldo is at 76 Putney High St, Wandsworth, UK. But why is he waving? Did he want to be found? Or is it really *tearing off mask* OLD MAN JENK....woops. Sorry about the face, Waldo.

Google Maps
via
Where's Waldo? On Google Street View [neatorama]

Thanks to Romeo, Ryan from Calgary and Claire, who can find Waldo like it's a sixth sense. But it isn't really, right?

Jan 20 2010 Kiss Your Eyes Goodbye, Kids: US Youths Spend Average Of 10:45 A Day Staring At Screens (Television, Computer, Cell Phone)

I can't even believe that. Granted I spend 26 hours a day staring at a computer screen, but I've also already come to grips with not having a life or ever seeing the light of day (I look like a much handsomer Edward Cullen already!). But these kids, they still have hope. Run! Run into the light, little ones!

However, it should be noted that this figure includes multi-tasking (i.e. watching television and working on a laptop simultaneously for an hour counts as 2 hours). The actual figure for singular daily use is 7:30. Jesus, you kids are gonna be blind by the time you're 30! Look at me, I'm living proof. Kidding, kidding -- masturbation. That shit'll get ya.

Youth of America Spend Half Their Waking Hours Staring at Screens [gizmodo]

Jan 20 2010 I Must Live There: Bacon-y Foodscapes

Don't even act like you wouldn't swim in that creek. You'd probably even contemplate drowning on purpose AND I DON'T BLAME YOU. It's certainly not the worst way to go. Not the best either, but not the worst.

These aren't paintings but true photos! Also everything you can see in the photograph is made of real food! Pictures were photographed by Carl Warner, a photographer who works in London, and who made specialty of these food landscapes or how I like to call them - 'foodscapes'. In recent years he has been commissioned by many advertising agencies throughout Europe to produce his distinctive images for clients in the food industry.

OMG if you don't think I would eat my way all the way to the Dough Mountains, you have another thing coming. Namely, my projectile vomit. BLAAAAAARRRGH!! Sorry about that. BLAAAAAAHH! Oh -- wasn't finished.

Hit the jump for a couple more and a making-of shot.

Continue Reading " I Must Live There: Bacon-y Foodscapes "

Jan 20 2010 What Do You Mean I Can't Press Start?: The Game Boy Tube Dress

Looking for that perfect fashionable gift for the gamer girl in your life? How about a Game Boy tube dress? I'd wear one. And I'd look f***ing sexy.

Textile crafter Amber over at Sew-Oeno is seen here modeling her latest creation, the Nintendo Game Boy tube dress. It's made out of a gray knit fabric and embellished with the familiar red and black buttons and grey screen of the classic 8-bit handheld.

The medium-sized Game Boy tube dress can be found over at Sew-Oeno's Etsy shop for $60 (USD). She'll also quote you for one in your size if you drop her a note.

Good lookin', Sew-Oeno. Any chance of getting an Atari Lynx model? Kidding, that thing sucked. Except for Rygar. Rygar was the shit. I WILL SPIKEY YO-YO YOUR FACE!

Sew-Oeno's Etsy Page
via
game boy tube dress perfect for retro gamer girls [technabob]

Jan 20 2010 Hrmmm: NASA Claims This Is A Real Aircraft

Not to be a doubting GW or anything, but if you're gonna claim something's real, how about some photos instead of renderings? Hell, even a mediocre Photoshop job would help. Also, a deep tissue massage (I'll swear anything is real if you can make the pain go away).

Is it possible for a one-person electric plane to take off vertically and fly 300 mph? NASA says yes, and shows us how it's done with Puffin, a single-passenger aircraft that's 10 times quieter than the most hushed helicopters.

Using today's technology, Puffin can cruise for 50 miles, but aerospace engineers at NASA say that range could triple by 2017.

You know what else is gonna be tripled by 2017? The national deficit after trying to send missile man here an extra 100 miles. HA -- actually funding NASA! ROFL. Good one, GW.

Video rendering of the thing in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Hrmmm: NASA Claims This Is A Real Aircraft "

Jan 20 2010 Skate Stand Or Die: Sitting Will Kill You

New research suggests that sitting for extended periods may lead to future health risks. Wow, scientists, wow (what did you really do with all the grant money?).

Research is preliminary, but several studies suggest people who spend most of their days sitting are more likely to be fat, have a heart attack or even die.

"After four hours of sitting, the body starts to send harmful signals," Ekblom-Bak said. She explained that genes regulating the amount of glucose and fat in the body start to shut down.

...in a study published last year that tracked more than 17,000 Canadians for about a dozen years, researchers found people who sat more had a higher death risk, independently of whether or not they exercised.

Makes you wonder, doesn't it? At least for a minute until you study the informational graphic a little closer and discover the actual purpose behind this "research". Spot it? Nice try, Nintendo. We're onto you.

You sitting down? Experts say it'll kill you [msnbc]

Thanks to High Tide, who's pissed he's gonna have to start wearing pants to work.

Jan 20 2010 Pfft, I Would've Gone Higher: Man Soars To 15,000ft In Balloon-Rigged Office Chair

Jonathan Trappe went and attached 55 industrial strength helium balloons to an office chair and took to the skies above North Carolina. Just like a bird.

After spending two years in training and upwards of £45,000 (~$74K) on the adventure, this was the technical project manager's first ever cluster balloon flight.

He reached a height of 14,783 feet after strapping the industrial-strength balloons to the steel-cased chair and setting off from an airport in North Carolina.

'I took two years before this flight gaining my Federal Aviation Administration licence to fly helium balloons as well as hot air balloons,' said Mr Trappe.

Using only a sharp knife to burst the balloons, Mr Trappe explained the difference between bursting a normal party balloon and one used in cluster ballooning.

'Every time you burst the balloon there follows a juddering shot,' he said.

Not to burst your balloon, Jonathan, but real adventurers don't spend $75K and two years training for an adventure. Nope, real adventurers spend $200 at Party Central and a drunken afternoon tying balloons to a patio chair. Just sayin', you make Balloon Boy look like Indiana Jones. And that little bitch just hid in an attic.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots from the "adventure".

Continue Reading " Pfft, I Would've Gone Higher: Man Soars To 15,000ft In Balloon-Rigged Office Chair "

Jan 20 2010 Awesome: First Star Wars Adidas Commercial

For those of you not in the know, Adidas is dropping a line of Star Wars sneakers, shirts and hoodies this year that promises to be ultra dope. I've been getting the tip forever, but I keep getting too drunk and forgetting to post it. It's worth your while to go HERE, HERE or HERE to see what all they have to offer, then watch this commercial and get super stoked about it. Personally, I want the AT-AT sneakers. FOR STOMPING REBEL SCUM! You hear that, Skywalker? And don't you even think about tying my laces together.

Youtube
and
Youtube (another, much shorter commercial that's not as good but does feature Vader firing the Death Star at earth)

Thanks to Donna, emerica, Ali, Tiffany, Miss Bowser, LSDiesel, Blastphemer, Troy, Steve, sluggerknuckles, Ben, Daniel, Spikey DaPikey, Patrick, sham, Jazzman, joe the human beatbox, fire in my hole, Alice, mavis, kevin and Conner, who know quality footwear when they see it. What do you think of these kicks, guys? They're called Wheelies. Gonna be huge.

Jan 20 2010 Rainbow!: The Evolution Of Crayola Colors

I remember when I was growing up I only had one crayon color: stick. You had to really bear down on the paper, but it was kind of a brownish-green. Sometimes more brown, sometimes more green, but always ready to poke your eye out. Maybe your parents bought you things though, maybe you had a plethora of colors, which is even more likely if you were born in the past ten or fifteen years. Which, according to a quick calculation, would make you around 10 to 15. My target demographic. I'm hip, I know what's up with you guys. So, you cats wanna slam some pogs or what? Yeah? Cool, I'll Rollerblade right over.

Color Me A Dinosaur [weathersealed]
via
Crayola Color Chart, 1903-2010 [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Martin, who used to smear shit on the wall by his crib. Still does.

Jan 20 2010 I'm Gonna Be Fat: The Mini-Cupcake Machine

There comes a time in everyone's life when they realize that cupcakes take too long to bake and you need your fix NOW. At this point you may or may not burn your face off trying to stick your head in the oven and lick the cooking batter. Enter the Mini Cupcake Maker: a device that cooks 7 little cupcakes in a scant 5 minutes. So you can spend less time waiting, and more time letting your body go. $33 takes one home. But $33 would also net you a month of gym membership. The choice is yours, but please, make the smart decision (don't forget to stock up on sprinkles and icing).

Mini Cupcake Maker [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Rebecca, who claims she loves cupcakes as much as I do. Oh really? You ever married a cupcake before, Rebecca? Exactly. Kidding, she was a tart.

Jan 20 2010 Who Wants To Go Halfsies With Me? NASA Selling Off The Old Space Shuttles

Who's with me? This might just our ticket to becoming diamond gazillionaires by plundering Uranus (straight face, straight face) and Neptune's diamond oceans!

But you will still need a rather large bank balance to purchase the Discovery Space Shuttle, which is being sold off by Nasa for $28.2 m (£17.7m).

The soon-to-be redundant shuttle was the ultimate boy's toy, flying faster and higher than any other machine in history. It was originally worth $42 million (£25.8 m) but the price has plummeted to take in the cost of hauling the monster from the Kennedy Space Centre to a major US airport.

Discovery, which has completed 37 missions into space and 5,247 orbits, has already been promised to the Smithsonian Institution's National Air and Space Museum, but shuttles Atlantis and Endeavour are still available, the Independent reports.

Why that article says you can buy Discovery but then goes on to say it's already been promised to the Kennedy Space Center is beyond me, but I suspect it has something to do with incredible journalistic skills like mine. That aside, who wants to go in on a shuttle with me? Worse comes to worse we can just park it in my backyard and play space. "Cobra Commander to Green Giant, come in Green Giant. We are docking at the Space Brothel now, confirm freaky three tittied aliens, over."

Nasa puts Discovery space shuttle up for sale for £17.7m [telegraph]

Thanks to Jack, Riki Kiki Taco, Brandy Alexander the Great and Shabs, who are all welcome to join my crew for the low, low introductory rate of $8.4 million apiece.

Jan 19 2010 Military Discovers They've Been Using Guns Marked With Bible Codes, AKA 'Jesus Guns'

Listen, I don't know much about guns except for the fact that mine just ripped through my Snuggie's sleeves again, but apparently the US military is pissed after discovering some of the high-powered scopes used on military-issued rifles contain codes to passages in the Bible.

The sights are manufactured by Michigan-based company Trijicon who have a £400 million ($656 million) contract to supply 800,000 sights to the U.S. military.

A spokesman for Trijicon said the inscriptions had always been on the sights and began under founder Glyn Bindon, who was a devout Christian.

U.S. military rules specifically prohibit the promotion of any religion in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Lawyer and former air force officer Michael Weinstein said the inscriptions play into the hands of those who say the U.S. is on a 'crusade' against Islam. 'It allows the Mujahedeen, the Taliban, Al Qaeda and the insurrectionists and jihadists to claim they're being shot by Jesus rifles,' he said.

Embarrassingly for Pentagon chiefs, the sights are currently being used by Afghan and Iraqi troops.

Wow, that is pretty embarrassing. Almost as embarrassing as the time I got caught passing a note in class and the teacher made me read it out loud in front of everybody. Thing was, I was trying to pass it to her! It read, "Mrs. S -- I shat my pants again".

U.S. military weapons dubbed 'Jesus guns' after being inscribed with secret Bible codes [dailymail]

Jan 19 2010 PSSSHOOOOW!: Japanese Jetpack In Action

This is a video of a Japanese man flying around a television studio with a homemade jetpack strapped on. Unfortunately, I couldn't get the video to play here at work so I've had to rely on the word of my tipsters. So, give it to me straight -- is it as awesome as I'd hoped? I got had, didn't I? Gotdamnit.

Japanese Jet Pack [stupidvideos]

Thanks to Austin and TobyRaider, who are both jerks.

Jan 19 2010 You Gobble Those Knuckles!: Pac-Man Tattoo

This is a tattoo of Pac-Man gobbling his way across somebody's knuckles. At first I thought it was just done in pen, but after an extensive Photoshop investigation I came to the conclusion that I didn't care and I'm posting it anyway. BOOYA!

Pedantic Title: There Was No Dark Blue Ghost [ugliesttattoos]

Thanks to Cinderella, whose glass slippers were actually diamond but she didn't want to tell anybody that because they might have tried to rob her.

Jan 19 2010 Turn Your Superbowl Party Into A REAL Sausagefest (Not That It Won't Be Already)

I don't know about you, but I'm manly as hell and I love watching football. And I, for one, can't wait to watch the Pirates walk all over the Red Wings in this year's Superbowl. *chest-bump* And what better way to turn your Superbowl get-together into a REAL sausage party than these meat-balls!

* Score a touchdown with sports fans!*

* It looks amusing, but it's made of exceptional, award-winning salami
* Fresh beef and pork are slowly smoked over hickory wood to make this treat

Each 1lb 12oz ball will set you back $27, but can you really put a price tag on your sausage being the biggest hit of a Superbowl party? No, that's something money can't buy. And for the rest, there's never being able to make eye contact with your guy friends again.

Product Site

Thanks to P05TMAN, who, for two tips in one day, wins a complimentary Superbowl Party Pack! (Take whatever you want from the grocery store)

Jan 19 2010 Ready My Spaceship!: Nepture And Uranus May Have Liquid Diamond Oceans Filled With Solid Diamond Iceburgs!

You read correctly, Earthlings, Neptune and Uranus may have shimmering seas of liquid diamond! With giant diamond icebergs floating around in them. Aaaand I just claimed both planets for my own. I'm gonna be rich as shit you filthy little peasants!

The idea that there are oceans of liquid diamond inside Neptune and Uranus is not a new idea, said Tom Duffy, a planetary scientist at Princeton University. The new Nature Physics article makes diamond oceans "look more and more plausible," said Duffy. More research on the composition of Neptune and Uranus is needed before a truly definitive conclusion can be made, however, and this kind of research is very difficult to conduct.

I dunno. You can read a much more in-depth analysis of the data if you hit the link to the Discovery article, but it all sounds a little bit iffy to me. But is that gonna stop me from flying my spaceship straight through those bitches with my hands out the window? It is not.

Diamond Oceans Possible on Uranus, Neptune [discovery]

Thanks to wes g, who [insert joke about diamonds in Uranus here].

Jan 19 2010 Shred Stick Of The Future: Misa Digital Guitar

Because music is dead and so are the guinea pigs I had as a child, here's a little demo of the Misa Digital Guitar. No, not Miso. That's a Japanese seasoning, silly! And, not to flex my tubular internet muscles or anything, but I can eat a ball of wasabi the size of a large marble without crying or making a funny face.

misa digital guitar running linux kernel 2.6.31.

very fun and mesmerizing to play.

PLEASE NOTE: that "crackling" some people are pointing out is an effect, like a bit crusher effect. It was done on purpose to show how the location of your touch effects the sound. You can apply any control parameter you want to each axis of the touch screen. This instrument is not limited to one type of effect. I personally like the sound, but it is subjective like all music is.

It's actually a pretty cool guitar and if I had any coordination whatsoever I'd be tempted to buy one. But as I stand, WHOA!! *thud*. See, what'd I tell ya?

Official Site
and
Youtube

Thanks to The F'n Jem'Hadar, Andrew, skulley and Martin, who are getting the band back together. And P05TMAN, who always damages my packages.

Jan 19 2010 WANT: Dinosaur Transformer Laser Mouse

Now I know what you're thinking, "Wow, a laser mouse that transforms into a dinosaur -- why didn't I think of that?" And the answer, my budding little inventor, is that you have little to no inventive talent. Sorry but your parents have wanted me to tell you for months.

It seems that the Decepticons have been busy and created dinobots of their own. This is a fully functional optical laser mouse designed from the Tomy Takara toy line up that you can transform into the T-rex version of the evil Dinasauler. It is a black version with purple highlights and comes with a Deception sticker. It's a standard 3-button mouse, with a center scrolling button, connects via your USB port and works with Windows98/Me/2000/XP/Vista and MAC.

The awesomeness comes at a cost though. Specifically, $58. Which, no lie, is more than I make in a day. Hooking. That's it, no more free HJ's. Starting tomorrow.

Product Site

Thanks to Anna, who transformed into an angel and almost flew into a power line. You gotta be careful, Anna, flying doesn't come naturally.

Jan 19 2010 TIE Fighter Helmet, With Free Photobomb!

Now hear me out: you add some lights and sound effects, and then wear it while you ride around on your bike at night wearing all black. How cool would that be?! If you answered, "Ice f***ing cold!", congratulations, you won the right to buy me a Zima. Damn right it's coming back! Let's high-five. No? I'm not a girl you're a girl.

Top-Heavy: Star Wars TIE Fighter Costume [greatwhitensnark]

Thanks to David B., who drinks Mike's Hard Lemonade and isn't ashamed to admit it except he did explicitly ask me to not mention it in his shoutout. Woops.

Jan 19 2010 Avatar Claims First Victim, More To Follow

It was only a matter of time before Avatar killed somebody, and it's finally happened. Which is exactly why I haven't gone to see it. Well, that and I've been banned from all the local theaters for public indecency excessive awesomeness and killer style.

According to AFP, the 42-year-old cinemagoer, surnamed Kuo, had a history of high blood pressure and suffered a stroke while watching the film in in the northern city of Hsinchu (Taiwan).

Emergency room doctor Peng Chin-chih told AFP: "It's likely that the over-excitement from watching the movie triggered his symptoms."

The China Times reported that the incident represented "the first death linked to watching James Cameron's science-fiction epic".

Interesting, China, but if it was actually Avatar that killed him then how do you explain THIS GUNSHOT WOUND?! Dum dum dum!

Avatar kills Taiwanese man [theregister]

Thanks to Justin, who was *this close* to losing consciousness during Titanic.

Jan 19 2010 Party Rat Finger Lights For Night Blogging

Party Rats are little light-emitting rings in the shape of rats you wear when you're high on ecstasy at a rave and want to impress the girl with the candy necklace on. Just remember: spirit fingers!!

What? You haven't heard of Party Rats! You're kidding, right? They're the best thing to happen to partying since the mirror ball. People of all ages are putting these colorful, plastic, rodent lights on their fingers and waving their hands in the air like they just don't care. Each 1-3/4" long rat sends out a different colored beam of light, allowing you to create your own personal light show! Also great for the latest computer craze, night blogging!

Ah, yes, night blogging. And a guy who's no stranger to sitting at his computer all hours of the night with his pants around his ankles....SHUT UP THAT'S HOW I DO IT, OKAY?! Don't question my creative process. Also, one time I bit through a glowstick and didn't know until the tube was empty. Yeah, my urine glowed.

Product Site

Thanks to Nathan, who had actual lasers implanted in the tips of his fingers and is blind in one eye from rubbing it. You gotta think before you act, Nathan.

Jan 18 2010 Pew Pew Pew!: Homemade Blu-Ray Phaser Pops Balloons From Across The Room

Remember the homemade Blu-Ray laser-phaser I POSTED WAY BACK IN DECEMBER 2007? Well here's a video of the thing popping balloons from at least eight or ten feet. Ooh, ooh -- do my eyes next!

Starfleet Command has discovered a planet full of vicious balloons, and Jay "Scotty" Rob has modified the classic phaser pistol from The Original Series to be able to pop 'em left and right.

Oh man, I totally need this thing for my next presentation to the Board of Directors. So, Board, as is evident from this chart I just pulled off the internet, I've done little to no work for the past six months. Buuuut....POP! POP! POP POP POP!! Leave the promotion on my desk, I'll be at the bar.

Homemade Star Trek phaser is powerful enough to pop balloons [dvice]

Thanks to Darkpatu, Zmann966, and Lee, who can pop balloons with nothing but their thoughts. MINDFREAKS!

Jan 18 2010 Video Game Wars: The Informational Graphic

This is a little informational graphic about the different video game consoles. I didn't really bother looking at it for too long because there's a dog biting my leg but I'm sure it's chock-full of interesting facts and figures. Like, uh, women using their WiiMotes to pleasure themselves. I ALWAYS KNEW THEY WERE DOING THAT!
....
....
....Made you sniff! Sicko.

Video Games By The Numbers [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Dan, who's a walking encyclopedia.

Jan 18 2010 Eye Candy: Realistic Flames Created In LEGO

Cole Blaq went and made some realistic flames out of LEGO blocks and lit them from beneath for a nice fiery glow. They look good. Plus, if you look closely enough you can see they actually spell his name. And for you those of you that are grammatically challenged the letters you're looking for are "C-O-L-E". I couldn't really see the E myself but I've been assured it's there. Probably after the "L", BUT DON'T HOLD ME TO IT.

Hit the jump for several more shots of the flaming plastic goodness.

Continue Reading " Eye Candy: Realistic Flames Created In LEGO "

Jan 18 2010 DO WANT: Professor Layton Action Figure

Professory Layton, best known for his series of Nintendo DS games in which he travels around solving mysteries with his young "apprentice" Luke, will soon be available in action figure form for around $25. I want him! But mostly just for that sweet top hat. OMG you think there's little rabbits in there?!

Product Site
via
Professor Layton Revoltech makes me feel good inside [albotas]

Jan 18 2010 Happy MLK Day: 'I Have A Dream' Auto-Tuned

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day, everybody. I hope you're all having a good one and celebrating the inherent beauty of our diversity. And I've got news for you -- if you think you were created better than anyone else, you weren't.

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'"

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

Amen to that, Martin. And, hypothetically, let's say yours truly somebody else had a couple kids that were hatched green and scaly. They're still cool, right? (I swear I trained them not to eat people)

HAPPY MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. DAY!

Youtube

Thanks to favelaj, who has a recurring dream about space monsters (stop eating right before bed).

Jan 18 2010 The Oracle Has Spoken: Vision Of The Future

When I was 12 I was convinced this is what the future would look like. Needless to say, I've had to develop some pretty serious defense mechanisms to deal with disappointment in the past 16 years. But I haven't given up -- I WILL be blinded by science laser aereolas. Or die trying. Probably die trying.

Hit the jump for the uncensored, slightly more nipple-y shot.

Continue Reading " The Oracle Has Spoken: Vision Of The Future "

Jan 18 2010 Robots Breaking Asimov's Laws Of Robotics

Today's $10 shirt.woot features robots breaking Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics. For those of you that don't know the three laws of robotics, they are as follows:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

2. A robot must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

LOL! Robots killing people and not doing what they're supposed to! Let's joke about it -- it's funny! You're all as good as dead.

Shirt.Woot (different shirt tomorrow)

Thanks to Nate, Jonny S, bryson, jantunes and Nicky, who know there's no such thing as safe robots. Or sex (but Ziploc brand freezer bags do help reduce the risk).

Jan 18 2010 Worth Watching: SNL's Latest 'Laser Cats'

This is Saturday Night Live's latest 'Laser Cats' short that aired on this weekend's program. And, unlike most of the stuff SNL has produced in recent history, it didn't make me cringe and wonder how the hell the skit ever got approved. I believe a congratulations are in order. And by congratulations I mean a new writing team. Call me, I'm available. I also do bachelor parties.

Youtube

Thanks to david, Kelly and lil co. & co., who wage wars the old fashioned way: with laser hamsters. *pew pew* OMG THOSE WERE THE CUTEST LIL PEWS!

Jan 18 2010 Xtractaurs Dinosaur Toys Sound Promising

Xtractaurs are a new line of dinosaur toys from Mattel that consist of a plastic model, and the capability to fight your dino against other kids' online in 'My Brute' style matches. Whee, My Brute!

The whole set includes a sampled dinosaur and an 'extraction gun'. When playing the toy, you firstly need to connect the gun to your computer and then use it to 'extract' the dinosaur's DNA. After that, the DNA data will be uploaded to the Xtractaurs website from the gun and you could then enter an online game in which the dinosaurs are having a fierce battle against their enemies.

And the best point is that kids are allowed to collect the DNA of different samples (about 10 of the 15 kinds of dinosaurs that are included) and combine them together to create a more powerful dinosaur.

Collecting and combining dinosaur DNA -- sounds like my kind of game! You ever milked a dinosaur before? They're like scaly bulls. And I'll pass on the extractor gun thank you very much.

Xtractaurs Dinosaur Toys [inewidea]

Thanks to Cobra and Ghostface, who agree I'll make a great patriarch for the new race of dino-people. Oh I will.

Jan 18 2010 February Issue Of Popular Mechanics Asks, "Can We Trust Robots?"

Nope.

Popular Mechanics Cover Gallery [popularmechanics]

Thanks to Pete and Ken, who wonder why Popular Mechanics didn't ask me to weigh in on the subject. I'm an expert, I know things.

Jan 17 2010 A For Effort B For Better Luck Next Time: Questionable Zelda/Link Cosplay Couple

At first I thought this was Link and Wonder Woman, but that doesn't make any sense so I'm gonna go ahead and assume that's Zelda. And, in case you were wondering about my progress, I'm heading to the Sand Realm in Spirit Tracks. Oh don't act like you weren't wondering, you were wondering. So, am I the only one who gets the feeling that Hyrulian shield couldn't deflect a sing deku nut? *tink* Okay, maybe it can. But can it withstand a Goron bomb?! *BOOM!* Link? Link? Quick, help me gather his rupees!

Picture from 4chan

Thanks to Christopher, who once dressed up as Ganon for Halloween and made a bunch of little kids crap themselves. And I was one of them. Jerk.

Jan 17 2010 Congratulations?: Guy Spends 4 Years Drawing Make-Believe World In MS Paint

Youtube user scorpiongold has spent four years drawing his own little fantasy world in Microsoft Paint. Currently the painting is 2.5m x 2.3m and filled with all kinds of wacky shit. Wow, could this article get any more eloquent? You could really learn a thing or two, Shakespeare. No-talent hack. You getting this, Billy? YOU CAN'T TAME THIS SHREW!

Youtube

Thanks to Jaja, who just drew his own little world in Microsoft Paint in a day and freed up the next 3 years, 364 days for not doing that.

Jan 17 2010 We're At The Bottom: "Hierarchy Of The Dead"

Damnit, I hate being at the bottom of the barrel. I mean, we're not even ahead of reanimated cobbled corpses. That's just pathetic (I'll jump off the roof, you bring me back to life).

Ghost of GW: Okay guys, little help over here. *eyes chart* Wait -- I'M ON TOP. Don't touch me, DON'T TOUCH ME!

Picture

Thanks to Turbo the Mechanical Ape, who gets no banana for being mechanical.

Jan 17 2010 WANT: Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vision!

Want to view life as one long-ass episode of Mystery Science Theater? Who doesn't, amirite? Well now you can thanks to these Mystery Science Theater 3000 glasses! Unfortunately, you'll still have to provide your own witty banter. Which -- let's be honest, nobody finds that witty except you. Reminds me of my writing! I swear, I slay me. And dragons. Back me up, damsel. No? You are such a bitch.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the shades.

Continue Reading " WANT: Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vision! "

Jan 16 2010 Okaaaay: Child Riding In Robot Slave Buggy

You ever seen a robot-child pulling a kid around in a rickshaw? Now you have. And I think I speak for all of us when I say, "I want to cut its legs off and steal those glasses".

A creepy kid's ride where they ride other (robot) kids, in the SM City Marikina mall in the Philippines. This is wrong on so many levels, we don't know where to begin.

Damnit, the Philippines. I've already got both hands full(!) keeping Japan's collective robo-boner in check and you go and pull some shit like this. Believe me, you don't want to follow in the footsteps of Japan (except for the worn-panty vending machines -- those things draw hella-tourism).

Youtube

Thanks to Dj Azer, who would have tripped that kid and stole his wagon.

Jan 16 2010 Where's My Crash Helmet?: Man Proposes Shooting Supplies Into Space With A Cannon

John Hunter is a man with a dream. And while most men dream of supermodel orgies (don't lie), John dreams of shooting shit into space with a cannon. Me too, John, me too. PSSSHOOOOOOOOW!!

John Hunter wants to shoot stuff into space with a 3,600-foot gun. And he's dead serious--he's done the math. Making deliveries to an orbital outpost on a rocket costs $5,000 per pound, but using a space gun would cost just $250 per pound.

How to Shoot Stuff into Space
STEP 1: HEAT IT
The gun combusts natural gas in a heat exchanger within a
chamber of hydrogen gas, heating the hydrogen to 2,600˚F and causing a 500 percent increase in pressure.

STEP 2: LET THE HYDROGEN LOOSE
Operators open the valve, and the hot, pressurized hydrogen quickly expands down the tube, pushing the payload forward.

STEP 3: TO INFINITY AND BEYOND
After speeding down the 3,300-foot-long barrel, the projectile shoots out of the gun at 13,000 mph. An iris at the end of the gun closes, capturing the hydrogen gas to use again.

That's all well and good, John, but the real question is this: can a human being survive the launch? And by "human being" I mean me. You think I won't shoot myself out of your space cannon, John? Because I 100% will. Sans helmet. You really think a helmet's gonna save you if a space cannon launch goes wrong? Because it's not. A trampoline sure, but not a helmet.

A Cannon for Shooting Supplies into Space [popsci]

Thanks to Lee, who's currently orbiting the earth from a comfy 22,236 miles out. Let me know if we need to shoot more beer.

Jan 16 2010 I Wear My Sunglasses At Night All The Time: Guy Gets Sunglasses Tattooed On His Face

Matthew here went and got sunglasses tattooed on his face. That way he'll never misplace them! But I still wouldn't stare directly at the sun with them on. Oh who am I kidding -- of course I would. BUT ONLY BECAUSE I'M A MODERN GALILEO. So yeah -- put that in your pipe telescope and smoke watch a neighbor undress with it.

Hit the jump for a video of the tattooing in action and a link to Matthew's Flickr gallery documenting the whole shebang.

Continue Reading " I Wear My Sunglasses At Night All The Time: Guy Gets Sunglasses Tattooed On His Face "

Jan 16 2010 Get It While It's Hot: Egyptian Mario T-Shirt

Because you can't run an Egyptian themed design contest without a Mario entry winning, here's today's Shirt.Woot. It's Mario in the style of hieroglyphics and $10 shipped TODAY ONLY. I swear, I really need to start demanding kickbacks from all these t-shirt companies. Here I am blogging topless (that left nipple's pointing at you!) and making these cats a fortune. Which, Jesus -- what if they really are cats? Meow.

Shirt Woot (different shirt every day of the week)

Jan 15 2010 I'm Calling It: Sleep Suits -- The Next Big Thing

Sleep Suits are genius. Basically you put one on, and then look like a huge f***ing (comfortable) jackass while you sleep -- anywhere! Plus, they have perforations all over that allow "human contact". I love being groped!

The suit is inspired by Buckminster Fuller's practice of Dymaxion Sleeping. In this, there are a total of four 30 minute naps taken over a period of 24 hours.

Listen, I've tried the whole four short naps style of sleeping before, and I've got to admit: it's not that bad if you still get a solid 14 hours at night. Just sayin', I have bedsores.

Hit the jump for three more shots of the ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz's.

Continue Reading " I'm Calling It: Sleep Suits -- The Next Big Thing "

Jan 15 2010 WEEWOO!: Video Game Characters Burlesque

You really think I'd let Burlesque Week on Geekologie come to an end without a little action for Friday? No sir/ma'am! This is a video of Princess Peach stripping it down (these are actually the video associated with THIS old post), but hit the jump for some Chun Li, Link/Zelda and IHaveNoIdea action. So yeah, thus ends Burlesque Week. But be sure to tune in Monday for the start of 'Pictures I Drew Of Myself Mounting Dinosaurs' Week. I think it's gonna be even hotter!

Hit the jump for a video of more characters and a link to the picture gallery. UPDATED: Added another Link burlesque video (complete with Triforce pasties) because I love you.

Continue Reading " WEEWOO!: Video Game Characters Burlesque "

Jan 15 2010 Ya Best Protect Ya Neck Brain, Or At Least Keep It Cold After A Motorcycle Accident

The ThermaHelm motorcycle helmet keeps your brain on ice in the event of an accident. That's important because if you'll recall those anti-drug commercials from yesteryear: a cooked egg brain is no good. Except with buttered toast. I say throw a halved grapefruit into the mix and I'm....damnit, stay focused, GW.

The ThermaHelm is a carbon-fiber lid with two lightweight chemical packs -- one water, the other ammonium nitrate -- built into the lining of the helmet. In the event of impact, the contents of the two packs mix together, triggering a cooling reaction.

The $490 invention will be launched in the UK in May this year, and they are already developing a more sophisticated version which, at $815, will include a video camera, GPS and Bluetooth.

Well I don't know about you, but there's no price too high to pay for my heath. Unless insurance won't cover it, in which case, I want you to pull the plug. I'm not waking up to a million dollar medical bill. I'd rather go bang dinos in space heaven.

ThermaHelm ice pack helmet saves lives and frozen peas [dvice]

Jan 15 2010 That....Looks Like S#!7: Pac-Man Cookie Bun

For Pac-Man's 30th anniversary a chain of convenience stores in Japan will be selling his likeness in the shape of questionably filled cookie buns. Mmmmmm!! Now call me old fashioned, but I still like to celebrate anniversaries the way God intended: with somebody jumping out of a cake.

Yep, that's right. For limited time only, Circle K stores in Japan have started to sell these Pac-Man shaped buns. My Japanese isn't good (as in I can't read it at all), but from what I can tell, they sell for ¥120 (about $1.31 USD), and they're not filled with cherries, pretzels or power pills. Instead, they're chock full of crushed almond-flavored cookies and cream custard.

That actually sounds pretty good. Anybody in Japan want to send me some? I'll pay you back -- IN THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES. I will strike them down with my replica Master Sword and feast on their carcasses! I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL!

Hit the jump for a shot of the display -- cause you can get anything you want at Japanese Circle K's.

Continue Reading " That....Looks Like S#!7: Pac-Man Cookie Bun "

Jan 15 2010 Tons Of Pews!: Girls Are Bad At Sound Effects

This is a short video of girls making the sound effects to scenes from 'Commando', 'The Dark Knight' and 'Terminator 3'. The video is called 'Girls Are Bad At Sound Effects', but I thought they did an incredible job. There are literally a TON of quality pews in there. And I give you my personal guarantee there's no way you can watch it and without at least cracking a smile hitting play.

Girls Are Bad At Sound Effects [collgehumor]

Thanks to Brad, who could pew you out of the water. Literally, he owns torpedoes.

Jan 15 2010 Prono: The Numbers Behind The Perversion

This is a little info-graphic explaining some of the numbers behind the pron industry. I say pron instead of p0rn0 in case your company is big-brothering you (God, how can you even function in such an oppressive environment?). No need to thank me, I know you'd do the same for me. Oooor call my boss and try to get me fired. I swear, you are such a jerk. Anywho, what did you take away from the graphic -- anything? Wow, that you can successfully pleasure yourself to the pink silhouette of a woman's figure. You go, champ. And why do I get the feeling that's not even an all time low?

The Numbers Behind Pornography [asylum]

Thanks to Christopher and sc, who didn't even know there was pronographic material on the internet. Me neither.

Jan 15 2010 Help: Where Can I Buy This Dino Necklace?

How often do I ask you for anything? Almost never, right? Well now I'm asking you for something. Where can I buy and/or get the materials to make this dinosaur necklace? Because I want one. And, even if my girlfriend doesn't know it yet, she wants one too. I think if I could just stroke those lucky dino bones while I write, this blog would stop sucking so hard. And by sucking I mean suckling. Nipples. GEEKOLOGIE IS THE TITS.

Cool Dinosaur Necklace [collthings]

Thanks to Mel and Tiff, who had matching dino-bone anklets until I hid under their car and cut them off when they were unlocking the doors. I got dragged 8 blocks but it was worth it. And to Jessica, who kicked the knife out of my hand and backed over me.

Jan 15 2010 Who Will Win?: 2009 Chevy Malibu Versus 1959 Chevy Bel Air Head-On (Apply Directly To The Forehead) Crash Test

Alright, I'm taking bets -- who will be the victor? If you answered, "GW in a f***ing monster truck", congratulations, you won. Something. Not my v-card though.

Head-on crash test: 2009 Chevy Malibu vs. 1959 Bel Air [dvice]

Thanks to James, who would have crushed both those vehicles with a Sherman tank. You get all crushy on those things, James!

Jan 15 2010 Pre-Order Today!: Mola Ram Statue From Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom

I honestly didn't know his name was Mola Ram, but hey -- you learn something new everyday. Like today I learned repeatedly slamming your penis in a car door doesn't necessarily impress the cart-returner at the grocery store the way you'd expect (somebody call a locksmith).

The Mola Ram Premium Format figure presents one of Indiana Jones' most memorable adversaries in stunning detail. Each piece is individually painted and finished to exacting standards, each with its own unique quality and detail that is the trademark of a handcrafted Sideshow Collectibles product. Clothed in real fabric robes and wearing two detailed necklaces, Mola stands over 25 inches tall atop a base adorned with eight unique skulls. Mola Ram comes complete with two switch-out heads, featuring a headdress option with real hair detailing, and two switch-out hands, including a human heart engulfed in flames. The Mola Ram Premium Format Figure is the perfect addition to any display, an essential part of your Indiana Jones collection.

25 inches of Mola for only $290? -- what a steal! And speaking of stealing -- IT BELONG IN A MUSEUM! Indiana Jones quote tie-in FTW. Hey -- It's Friday, folks, don't expect much. Except snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes? Am I good now? Okay cool.

Hit the jump for some close-ups.

Continue Reading " Pre-Order Today!: Mola Ram Statue From Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom "

Jan 15 2010 Wonderful, Just Wonderfuly: Pregnant Robots

Like being a father, just the very thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. And the only thing that makes this redeemable is the fact that "my robe and wizard hat" also made the cut (bloodninja, high-five!). Oh, and "my Robert Pattinson". God that's pathetic. Listen Twi-Hards -- HE WILL NEVER BE YOURS. Will you, Robert? No, you won't. Now keep tickling, glittercakes.

Never Have Unprotected Robot Sex [autocompleteme]

Thanks to Twelveburgers, who, wait -- no cheese?

Jan 14 2010 In Case You Ever Wondered: What Disney Princesses Look Like Dressed As Villains

Ever wondered what Disney princesses would look like dressed as their villains? WELL WONDER NO MORE MY CARTOON-LOVING COMPADRES! Because they'd look like this. Mystery solved, we can all move on with our lives now. Except me, because now I wanna know what Ursala looks like in Ariel's bikini. YOW YOW, am I right? I am so right.

Disney Princesses As Their Movie Villains [9gag]

Thanks to Alice, who would have made a great Disney Princess.

Jan 14 2010 Hooray!: Doomsday Clock Set Back A Minute

The Doomsday Clock, which I'd like to think looks a little more official than that piece of shit in the picture, has been set back a minute, to 6-minutes till midnight. I suspect it's some sort of governmental diversion.

The Doomsday Clock has been set back 1 minute for the first time in its 63-year history. In moving the clock from 5 minutes before midnight to 6 minutes before midnight, scientists expressed optimism for humanity's future.

This end-of-the-world clock, set up in 1947, is meant to convey how close we are to the end of the world via catastrophe caused by nuclear weapons or climate change, among other factors.

Yeah? Well how about throwing robots into the factor-mix? Because *punching away on TI-83* according to my most recent calculation: 80085. Love those things. What were we talking about?

Doomsday Deferred: End-of-World Clock Set Back 1 Minute [livescience]

Thanks to Jop and sherrie, who will end the world whenever they want to. TERRORISTS!

Jan 14 2010 Cuuute: A Short LEGO Movie About Creativity, Invention, Inspiration, Maybe Some Other Stuff

This is a very well made stop-motion LEGO short. I highly recommend you watch it. I did -- twice, and I found it really inspiring. Not as inspirational as the Special Olympics, but still pretty good.

Lego Short Film Makes Me Want to Play With Legos Immediately [gizmodo]

Jan 14 2010 What To Do When Zelda's Been Captured

HA! That brought a smile to my face. Which is good because I've been struggling ever since that last lamb post. Internet gods have feelings too, you know. Or so I've heard. But blogging hacks definitely do.

Well That Was Easy. [epicwinftw]

Thanks to Gareth, who accidentally saved page instead of Zelda. Jesus, they don't even look alike.

Jan 14 2010 EWE EWH!: Sheep Born With A Human Face

NOTE: BELIEVE ME, YOU DON'T WANT TO HIT THE JUMP (God I'm good at getting extra pageviews).

So a sheep in Turkey (you're not a bird!) gave birth to a lamb with a human face. Except the lamb was already dead and had to be cut out via c-section. Apparently it was some kind of horrific mutation. God I'm depressed now.

Erhan Elibol, a vet, performed a caesarean on the animal to take the lamb out, but was horrified to see that the features of the lamb's snout bore a striking resemblance to a human face.

Vets said that the rare mutation most likely occurred as a result of improper mutation since the fodder for the lamb's mother was abundant with vitamin A, CNNTurk.com reports.

The mutant creature was hairless. Local residents said that even dogs were afraid to approach the bizarre animal.

The locals burnt the body of the little goat, and biologists had no chance to study the rare mutation.

You can see the uncensored shot after the jump if you want, but I strongly advise against it. THE PICTURE CANNOT BE UNSEEN, no matter how roughly you sandpaper your eyes (I recommend at least an 80-grit).

Hit it if you want, but I wouldn't if I was you.

Continue Reading " EWE EWH!: Sheep Born With A Human Face "

Jan 14 2010 Consollection: Website Of Every Console Ever Produced (Allegedly -- I Never Fact-Check)

Consollection is a website that features every video game console every produced along with a bio of each. It's a great reference in case you get in a drunken argument with a friend over what year the Atari Jaguar was released. And you know what else makes a great reference during a drunken argument? A beer bottle to the face. Suck it Wikipedia, you'll never have shit on this Bud Lightsaber!

Consollection

Thanks to Bum_Eyes, who, for two tips in one day, is officially upgraded to Panhandler_Eyes.

Jan 14 2010 That's It, I'm Sneaking My Own Into The Theater!: Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn

As many of you Geekologie Loyalists may know, I don't really go to the movies. Thing is, I hate large groups of people (but love large people -- weird, I know). However, I may have to get over it if only to sneak my own bag of Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn in and moan in ecstasy throughout the entire film (cross your fingers you get to sit next to me -- I might share!).

Take your snacking to the next level with Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn ($35/2 lbs.). This sweet/savory snack mix incorporates the smokey goodness of bacon and bit of bourbon with the sweetness of caramel and the crunch of popcorn, resulting in an addictive snack that's a great way to kick up your next gathering.

Now I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that this recipe was probably created by God himself. Bacon? Bourbon? Caramel? Popcorn? You can't argue a mere mortal could come up with a flavor combo like that. Am I right, God? Oh, and while I've got your attention -- that earthquake in Haiti -- not cool, Big Guy, not cool.

Geekologie's thoughts and prayers go out to the people of Haiti during this time of particularly devastating hardship.

Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn [uncrate]

Thanks to Chuey The Rock n Roll Midget, who plans to play a benefit concert for the island nation. Good lookin', Chuey.

Jan 14 2010 Different Strokes For Different Incarcerated Folks: Inmates Get Their Eyeballs Tattooed

Now we've known about eyeball tattoos for awhile now, just not that people were getting them done in the slammer. Honestly, there are just some things I just wouldn't want to get done in prison: my ass, and every single other thing ever. But did that stop David Boltjes and Paul Inman from getting good and drunk off toilet hooch and tattooing their eyeballs? No it did not. The video's worth a watch if you get the chance, and contains a whole bunch of good one-liners. Also, footage of two guys with their eyeballs tattooed. And, as tough as I am, I wouldn't want to run into either one of them in a dark alley. BUT ONLY BECAUSE I HAVE POOR NIGHT VISION.

Prison Eyeball Tattoos [liveleak]

Thanks to el Deco, Bum_Eyes, Chuck Nunchuck, and Sally, who are gonna be the first four to get their irises done.

Jan 14 2010 Now I Want One!: Sweet Zelda License Plate

Wow, did the GW really just post a picture of a girl sitting on a car with a 'ZELDA64' license plate? DAMN YEAH HE DID, HIGH-FIVE! But wait, there's more. You see Alyssa there is on an adult website that just launched called Pixel-Vixens. What is Pixel-Vixens?

Every model is a real geek - Comic book nerds, otaku, cosplayers, tabletop gamers, video game fans. What's hotter than a girl who can kick your ass at Halo & rolls 20's? That same girl...naked!

Well TOOT TOOTLE TOOT, Alyssa! Also, I heard if you go to Pixel-Vixens there's a rather provocative shot of her where you can see a sweet Zelda tattoo on her leg (preview page, bottom left corner -- don't let the blond hair fool you). Not that I saw it myself, but a perverted friend told me about it. Me? Into naked Zelda cosplay? Puhleeeeaaase.

NSFW NSFW Pixel-Vixens NSFW NSFW
via
OH YEAH BABY thats mah license plate! [watchtheguild]

Thanks to Jiakasuma, who only cosplays in the buff. So, uh, doesn't that just make you a naked person?

Jan 14 2010 I Dare You: Try To Explain How This Is Okay

It's a giant baby robot. It exemplifies everything that's wrong with robotics. Namely, that they exist -- or were born, if you will (L337 baby tie-in FTW!). It shouldn't exist. If I had a time machine I'd go back in time and make sure it was never created bang dinos. Sorry guys, I've got priorities.

the robot is supposed to model a 1 year old baby and the purpose is to conduct research on how a baby's brain develops. Diego-san's face has about 20 moving parts so that it can communicate with facial expression without being able to talk. It is 130cm tall, weighs 30kg and can stand up from a chair on its own. It can hold a water bottle with its hand. It has a high resolution camera and 6 axis acceleration sensor built in to detect movement. Unfortunately it doesn't say why the head has to be so big. Female researchers contributed to the design and coordination - thus the photo of woman hugging Diego-san.

Pfft. Like you really need a creepy-ass robot to study how a baby's brain develops? Here, let me solve that mystery for you: slowly. I have an eleven-year old who still craps his pants. And before you all get in a huff about scarring my son for life by airing his dirty laundry (God I'm good) on Geekologie, don't worry: he can't even read.

Hit the jump for a larger shot of the baby and his inventor.

Continue Reading " I Dare You: Try To Explain How This Is Okay "

Jan 13 2010 Aaah It's Making Me Sick!!: First Person Tetris

This is a screenshot of me playing First Person Tetris. It's played just like regular Tetris except, instead of rotating the pieces, it rotates your view. I puked twice just trying to get a good shot. And I licked it up like a dog. Smell my breath!

First Person Tetris

Thanks to NeoAaron, who suggests some first person Mario action. Sweeeet.

Jan 13 2010 Posted For The Picture: Space Invader Tights

Because I practically ooze journalistic integrity out of my apricot-y nipples, here's some $80 Space Invaders tights I posted strictly because of the picture. Are you getting all this, Pulitzer committee? Let me know if you need my address again so you can send the trophy. WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S JUST A MEDAL? I'm melting it.

Hit the jump for three more shots of the space you wish you could invade.

Continue Reading " Posted For The Picture: Space Invader Tights "

Jan 13 2010 Moving Picture!: Star Wars Burlesque Video

HIYO, it must be burlesque week on Geekologie! First the Star Wars burlesque pictures, then the Watchwomen video, and now a video of the Star Wars show! WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO! Happy siren! Who knew Jabba could be so sexy? I did! Return of the Jedi? More like Return of the Pants Tent! Who's with me? Anybody? ANYBODY? I'm not a freak you're a freak.

Youtube

Thanks to Joseph, who was hoping for a little Admiral Ackbar action.

Jan 13 2010 In Case Of Nuclear Attack....

7. Comfort the dying.

Geez that's morbid. And as much as I'd like to think I could, I'd probably be too busy running around in circles screaming. They don't call me Mr. Cool Under Fire for nothing you know.

In Case Of Nuclear Attack: #7 - Comfort The Dying [ohgizmo]

Jan 13 2010 Likelihood Of Diff Features On Apple Tablet

This is a little graphic depicting the likelihood of various features on the upcoming Apple tablet. Of course, you can't read that one for shit so click HERE to see the thing in all its high-res glory, glory, hallelujah. So, what do you think, is it gonna have all that stuff? Like the, uh, laser-phaser port? Ha -- no I didn't l look at the graphic, what the hell do I care?! Ah, I'm supposed to be running a gadget blog. Touche.

Rumor Roundup: The Apple Tablet [thegreenroom] (with explanations of each feature)
via
Apple iTablet rumors, all wrapped up into one visual roundup [dvice]

Jan 13 2010 Hippy Birthday To You!: Doobie Candles

Alternatively, high-py birthday. Do I know my word wizardry or what? And don't "or what" me either or you'll leave me no choice but to WHIP YOUR MONKEY ASS. Yes I'm feeling fighty this morning. I think it was something in my coffee. Namely, the steroids. Kidding, I don't juice. Unless we're talking boxes in which case fruit punch, please.

Blowing out the candles will never be a drag again! Time to roll out another birthday? Celebrate in style with our LIT! Birthday Candles.

Set includes 8 perfectly rolled 3.5" joint candles.

Please remember to not inhale!

Hoho, look at all those weedy puns! Huh? What do you mean I'm no better because I did the same thing? I AM TOO, JERK! Right? Somebody, anybody, back me up. Please?

Product Site

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who may or may not be hotboxing t closehatt even as I type (I suspect he is, his sweaters always smell).

Jan 13 2010 Free Candy!: Custom $175 Pedobear Hoodies

Hey, want to creep everybody out and get your own personal patrol car following you where ever you go? Then buy a $175 custom Pedobear hoodie from Calgary Cosplay (Pedonadians!) and wear it to a middle school basketball game. Make sure to stare at the cheerleaders.

Product Site (with tons of custom Pokemon hoodies as well)
via
The Pedobear Hoodie Cost $175, Guarantees Instant Awesomeness [knucklesunited]

Thanks to Ezrail and I Never Back Down, who don't need Pedobear hoodies because they have half-grown mustaches and wear those glasses that automatically darken in sunlight.

Jan 13 2010 Would've Been Better If It Was Real: Wii Fail

This is a video of a super-staged Wii fail. It's still worth watching though, so check it out. Then you can bicker back and forth in the comments about something completely unrelated and call each other names. Haha -- do I know you guys or what?!

Youtube

Thanks to mongoose82, who once beat a friend in the head with a Genesis controller until you could hear parts rattling around inside it. Brutal!

Jan 13 2010 Choking Hazard: Build-A-Meal Plates For Kids

The Build-A-Meal playset is actually a plate for children who won't eat their cheeseburger unless it's in a little construction zone (perfect for use with these utensils).

Kids love building; they build playhouses, castles and forts. Let them pretend that they are site managers of a large construction site. They can use the crane to move food into the right compartment; they can use roadblocks, I-breams and warning cones to mark their territory! Let your kids build their way to a healthy meal with Build-a-Meal©.

Admittedly, it's pretty awesome and I'm more than a little jealous I didn't have a fry-bucket growing up. But I'm not jealous I didn't have little road cones and signs on my plate, because those are a choking hazard AND I EAT EVERYTHING. Don't believe me? Then why did I just pass two Hot Wheels?

Hi the jump for the Chew-Chew Train, complete with a child who's about to miss his rendered juice cup and pour a pitcher full of milk in his lap.

Continue Reading " Choking Hazard: Build-A-Meal Plates For Kids "

Jan 13 2010 With Giant Balls: How Zeppelins Were Made

This picture is so old colors hadn't even been invented yet. But had balls of steel? Yes they had. Speaking of which: thanks God, now watch me jump this bus with rocket-skates on.

How Did They Make Zeppelins? [gizmodo]

Thanks to Rick, who built a zeppelin single-handedly and then crashed it into a billboard. Smooth move, buddy.

Jan 12 2010 Humana Humana!: Watchwomen Burlesque

Following hot on the heels of yesterday's Star Wars burlesque comes Watchwomen: a Watchmen themed burlesque. Except this is a video instead of still-ass pictures. I swear, this moving picture thing -- this shit's the future. Also, quick question: who watches the Watchwomen? I think we all just did.

WATCHWOMEN [blip]

Thanks to Scott, who was actually involved in making the video and may or may not have seen those boobies (I dream he did!).

Jan 12 2010 The Pinnacle Of Tape Dispenser Technology

FINALLY, a tape dispenser that cuts tape with a straight edge. I think I speak for us all when I say IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME. Zig-zag edges are sooooooo 1900's. Also, tops you can't see through. Ahem, ladies. This is the 2000's -- GET WITH THE FUTURE!

As you can see, the blade developed by Nichiban makes almost straight cuts because it is straight as well, with convex-shaped cutters that not only make for a safer tape dispenser but also one that requires less force to use.

The new tape dispensers will be available in Japan later this month before inevitably taking over offices and desks worldwide. It will come in black and white and will sell for ¥2,310 (approx. $25 USD), while a replacement for its heart and soul - the blade - can be had for ¥525 ($5).

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "but can it cut my penis?" you are! If I could just lose four inches I think I'd be good. For porn.

on the cutting edge of tape dispensers [technabob]

Jan 12 2010 Now That's Just Quality Insipiration: M.I.A. Writes Song About 3-Hour Tech Support Call

M.I.A., best known for her hit 'Paper Planes', recently wrote a song about a 3-hour tech support call with Verizon. Now I don't know about you, but I can't wait to get out on the dance floor and shake my sloopy ass booty to it! These hips don't lie, bitches! But they do get thrown out of their sockets HUMPING YOUR MOM DAD. AND I'm big spoon after!

The best part about "I'm Down Like Your Internet Connection," which is due to appear on her forthcoming followup to Kala this summer, is that she actually got Filipino Verizon workers to sing the hook. Says M.I.A.:

"I was having issues with my cable and wireless, and I was on the phone [with tech support] for three hours, and I thought, 'Maybe this needs to be part of my music, could you just learn these lyrics and sing it down the phone to me?' Ten phone calls later, I have Internet that sticks and a song."

OMG -- this reminds me of the time I wrote a Geekologie post about M.I.A. writing a song about a 3-hour tech support call. Jesus do I feel inspired. And by inspired I mean gassy. It might be time to change my hotdog water.

M.I.A. Writes Song Inspired by Three-Hour Verizon Tech Support Call [gizmodo]

Jan 12 2010 Cuuuute: Super Mario 3 Level As Stop Motion

This is a Super Mario 3 level made using stop motion. I liked it. Not as much as I like you, but I think we share something special. Unfortunately for you, that special something happens to be your sandwich. Give it to me.

Paper Mario Bros. 3 - A Stop Motion Animation [hawtymcbloggy]

Thanks to naas, who drew a Zelda dungeon in stop motion but the video was confiscated by the government because it was so good IT WOULD HAVE CAUSED A POLITICAL MELTDOWN.

Jan 12 2010 Wait, What?: Oxygen Therapy For Your Pets

You know what your dog needs? A f***ing walk. Not oxygen therapy. But hey, it's available if you want it. Just don't expect us to stay friends afterward. I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU ANYMORE!

Developed by Air Press, the chambers are designed to help the dogs relax from their stressful days of eating, walking and being frequently petted by their human servants owners. Located in Yoyogi Uehara, the service goes for about 2,000 yen ($21) for 30 minutes

Jesus, oxygen therapy for your pets? I NEED THAT OXYGEN. Seriously, it's all fun and games till we're huffing that shit out of cans like in Spaceballs. I'd hate to have to survive off whippits. No, no I wouldn't. To the grocery store!

Air Press chamber offers oxygen therapy for your pet [dvice]

Jan 12 2010 I Slang Tees Like Weight: Avatar T-Shirt

Because I basically do nothing but sell t-shirts and never see any return on my investment, here's today's tee from Teefury. It's Avatar themed. PLUS Wii themed! Eeeeeeeeeee!! But it's available TODAY ONLY, till midnight central. After that, I'll undoubtedly be featuring tomorrow's shirt. PSYCHE! I'm putting a stop to this right now. Kidding, I'm weak. Plus the kickbacks are too sweet. You hear that, Teefury? I SAID THE KICKBACKS ARE TOO SWEET. *hint hint, nudge nudge* You picking up what I'm putting down? Good, now gather all the chips I dropped behind the couch. Fifteen minute rule!

Teefury (Avatar shirt available today only)

Thanks to Giancarlo, who made a Wii Mii that looks like an actual blue kitty. Like a regular one. One that can't talk. I wanna pet it!

Jan 12 2010 Droid Theives Busted By Pictures They Took

Two piece of shit thieves broke in and stole two Motorola Droid phones from a man's apartment, then proceeded to take a bunch of pictures of themselves like the vain little failures that they are. Little did they know, little did they know.

What they didn't foresee, however, was that one of the phones would have the free Lookout app, which automatically backs up all photos taken with the handset to a user-accessible server every night. So, in the midst of testing out their ill-gotten loot, the criminals provided the phone's legitimate owner with enough visual clues for the police to swoop in and apprehend one of them.

BUSTED! I forsee a dark future for both of you in prison. And you know what they say about the food there: it's better going down than getting packed back up. You two have fun!

Android photo backup app reveals burglars' identities, stupidity [engadget]

Thanks to David B., who doesn't steal anything but women's hearts. Hey, as long as you're not a hoarder.

Jan 12 2010 Experimentation: How Tough Are NES Game?

This is a video of a gamer girl (A gamer girl, not THE gamer girl) testing the durability of NES cartridges by freezing them, putting them in the washing machine, dropping them off buildings, drilling them, fireworking them and running them over with cars. How do the games fair? You'll have to watch all 7:30 to find out! Kidding, they all survive. SPOILER: this was supposed to go before that.

Youtube

Thanks to ~Zak, big jerm and MoD, who have all destroyed NES cartridges beyond use. Lasers, baby, high-five!

Jan 12 2010 You Gotta Be Kidding Me: iPod Touch Duvet

I have no idea what a duvet is but allegedly that's what this is so I'm running with it. Also, with scissors because I throw caution into the wind. Also, handfuls of grass so I can identify which way it's blowing and fine tune my rocket launch. PSSSSHOOOOOOOW!! Sure this $50 cover looks awful and they couldn't even manage to speel "calendar" correctly, but that's a small price to pay for rocking bedding even more effective than a "NO GURLS ALLOWD" sign on your bedroom door. Ha, girls -- in your house! ROFL.

Product Site
and
iPod Bedding: Totally Geeky or Geek Chic? [geeksugar]

Thanks to Sally and twellve, who stitched real iPods together to make a blanket and then gave it away in a raffle for a good cause.

Jan 12 2010 All Night Long: How Long Could You Survive Chained To A Bunk Bed With A Velociraptor?

I could easily go all night and LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT. That's practically my dream world. Unfortunately, this hellaflawed quiz said I'd only last 1 minute 56 seconds. Just sayin' -- I would wear that dino out. Not unlike my friend Barney. Get that frumpy purple ass of yours back here!

How long could you survive chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor? [theoatmeal]

Thanks to Kenny, Xavier and Chris, who combined could only last 0:03.

Jan 11 2010 YOW YOW!: Sexy Star Wars Burlesque Show

Alright champ, your wet dreams have finally come true: Star Wars burlesque. I'd keep writing now but I'm fairly confident you've already hit the jump and stripped your pants off in one awkward flourish. Nice socks.

Hit the jump to see a whole bunch more Boba, Darth and Storm Trooper, along with preview of Leia, C3PO and Jabba (not even kidding) , and the link to the entire 40-pic gallery of them all.

Continue Reading " YOW YOW!: Sexy Star Wars Burlesque Show "

Jan 11 2010 Who Knew?: Iron Man Is Powered By Apple!

Want a MacBook decal that makes it look like Iron Man is powered by Apple? Well you're in luck because Etsy seller moviemagicman is selling them! For $16! With free-ass shipping! Consider it a blue-light special! With no blue light! Or special! F*** it!

moviemagicman's Etsy Shop
via
Iron Man Decal Powered by Apple Arc Reactor [gizmodo]

Jan 11 2010 Texts From Last Night: Super Mario Edition

You ever wonder what Mario and the gang do when they get drunk at night? Well now we have some insight into their night lives thanks to these texts. And as you'll read, they do the same things we do! Except for the sex with dinosaurs thing. *wink* Because nobody around here would do anything like that, amirite? *wink* No? CAUSE I WOULD HIT THAT LIKE A DINO-RIDER!

Hit the jump to see some more.

Continue Reading " Texts From Last Night: Super Mario Edition "

Jan 11 2010 Reporter Breaks "Unbreakable" Phone At CES

This is a short video of BBC reporter Dan Simmons breaking an allegedly unbreakable phone at the Consumer Electronics Show. The phone is supposed to be able to withstand a 10-story drop, being dunked 20-feet underwater for a half hour, and used as a hammer. Unfortunately, it can't withstand being beat against an aquarium four times. But my fish love that shit!

Reporter breaks an 'unbreakable' mobile phone at CES [bbcnews]

Thanks to Ross and Simon, who can break phones just by looking at them. That's, uh, some superpower. Blast the chick sitting next to me!

Jan 11 2010 Awh, What's The Matter?: Link Looks Bummed

This is a picture by Kim Herbst from an art show hosted by the Autumn Society of Philadelphia that took place back in August (OOOOOLD!). The video game inspired show was entitled, "8-Bit And Beyond" and the piece itself is unofficially called, "We're Gonnna Need A Bigger Rutsack...". Per the artist:

That poor 'lil guy has to lug around so much stuff through Hyrule after you collect everything. Usually I work in brush 'n ink and scan the artwork in to color it digitally, however, due to time contraints, this entire piece will be made in Photoshop. The final product will be printed as a signed limited edition on acid-free archival paper and mounted on board at 13" x 19.

Good job. Unfortunately, the show is long over. So yeah, we missed it. But on the up side, we're all in the same boat. Aaaaaand we're gonna need a bigger one. Great tie-in, GW, great tie-in. Thanks, I know.

Game Art: Exclusive Interviews with Kim Herbst and Jeff DeSantis [gamervision]

Thanks to Joe, who would have dragged all that shit around in a rolling suitcase. Smart, Joe, but will it fit in an overhead bin?

Jan 11 2010 Exactly What It Sounds Like: Chick Sleeping With A Dinosaur Toy In The Back Of A Car

Now I know what you're thinking, "What in the hell about this picture warrants a post on Geekologie?" And the answer to that, my friend, is everything. DON'T QUESTION ME! Look -- a cell phone! BOOM, relevance. Oh, and I think we can all agree: that's one lucky girl.

Picture [izismile]

Thanks to gareth and Greg, who would both give their left legs to be that raptor for the remainder of the nap.

Jan 11 2010 Sweet (Literally!): Van Gogh Starry Night Cake

The great thing about making a Van Gogh cake is you don't have to be particularly skilled in the art of cake-decorating. Kidding, that shit looks impossible. Impossibly delicious. I call a star piece! Mmmm -- there's no ear in this, right?

Fan of Van Gogh? [forgetfoo]

Thanks to Christian, who once found a Band-Aid in an eclair.

Jan 11 2010 Jessica Chobot Getting A Triforce Tattoo

This is a video of Jessica Chobot (friend and colleague of yours truly) getting a Triforce tattoo on her wrist during the recent Consumer Electronics Show. Clearly, Jessica knows the way to a geek's heart (ninja sword, straight through the sternum).

I got a Triforce tattoo while covering CES 2010 in Vegas! Answers to standard questions:

1.) No. I'm not getting it filled in. I prefer just the line work.
2.) I am aware that it is not on the tops of my hands but that isn't very discreet now, is it?
3.) The placement was a tough one, point up or point down? Considering where it was, I figured it was 50/50 either way.

Good lookin', Jessica. May I suggest a dino on the other arm? Cool, I suggest a dino on the other arm. Seriously, I think it would really tie your wrists together. Which, bondage -- that shit's freaky deaky. DO NOT RECOMMEND (somebody please come untie me).

Jessica Chobot on Modlife
and
Youtube

Thanks Jessica, let me know if you want to go get matching Zeldas.

Jan 11 2010 Never Ever Would I Ever: Fondle A Sex Robot

Seen here in one of the world's most pathetic photographs, Douglas Hines chats it up with his sex robot "Roxxxy" about soccer (and he wonders why he needs a sex robot).

The anatomically-correct robot, who can even snore, has an articulated skeleton that can move like a person but can't walk or independently move its limbs.

There is Wild Wendy, who is outgoing and adventurous, Frigid Farrah, who is reserved and shy, a young unnamed doll with a naïve personality, "matriarchal kind of caring" Mature Martha and S & M Susan, who is geared for more adventurous types.

Coming with a laptop the doll, priced between US$7,000 (£4,350) to US$9,000 (£5,993), was unveiled at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas at the weekend.

Inspiration for the sex robot sprang from the September 11, 2001 attacks, he said, where a friend died and he vowed to store his personality forever.

WTF!? Honoring the memory of a friend by humping his likeness in sex-robot form? Listen, I don't want to be honored if that's how they're doing it these days. Just shoot my body out of a cannon and call it a day.

Foxy 'Roxxxy': world's first 'sex robot' can talk about football [telegraph]

Thanks to Spenny "human advocat", dB, Brad B, Zerv, Steve P, TobyRaider, Brandon, Ben, Kyle, M3ntal, The Harbinger of Dooooooooom, Jasmine, dez, J.D., Mollie, Jack and Shannon, who don't do robots. Literally or figuratively.

Jan 11 2010 I Swear It Just Moved!: Motorized Keyboard Designed To Reduce Hand/Wrist Stress

This USB keyboard from Smartfish isn't your grandmother's keyboard. No, your grandmother's keyboard is a typewriter. Smartfish's keyboard is motorized and moves every once in awhile to relieve the repetitive stress of spamming on Geekologie.

The two halves move apart and together and the base sort of vibrates subtly around once or twice an hour to massage your wrist muscles; the frequency depends on hard you pound the keyboard.

The keyboard will be available early this year for $150 and is on my pass list, right beneath "the dutchie". Seriously brah, stop bogarting that shit.

Motorized keyboard moves to relieve repetitive stress [dvice]

Jan 8 2010 See-through Laptop Screen Is See-through

Samsung had a 14" laptop prototype on display at the ongoing Consumer Electronics Show with a transparent OLED display. That means you can see the screen AND your legs at the same time. Maybe even your penis! Kidding, kidding, it's not a giant magnifying glass. Oooooh, emasculated to the emaximus!

Hit the jump for a video of the screen in action.

Continue Reading " See-through Laptop Screen Is See-through "

Jan 8 2010 Hurt People, So Funny!: Best Fails Of 2009

Because there's nothing more enjoyable than watching jackasses hurt themselves attempting feats of stupid, this is a compilation of the best (and most painful) fails of 2009. It's chock full of future Darwin Award recipients, and I wouldn't be surprised if half these jokers don't make it to 2011 (please exit the gene pool ladder left). Although, as a guy who's shattered his arm twice and now has a Luke Skywalker arm, I want to cut it off and be human again.

Best Fails of 2009[collegehumor]

Thanks to Fran, who has never broken a bone, but has cracked a few skulls.

Jan 8 2010 Awesomest Sweater Vest In The World

My lord, does it get any more dapper?*

*No way, Jose Jesus.

Hit the jump for a shot of the back.

Continue Reading " Awesomest Sweater Vest In The World "

Jan 8 2010 You've Got To Be Kidding Me: Cleavage Caddy

The cleavage caddy may look like a breast-shaped CD holder for your car's sun visor, but it's not. No, it's a purse a woman (or moobed gentleman -- hopefully with a monocle) stows between their breasts (look at me using the proper nomenclature!) and bra.

An insert for your bra with or without an added lace accent to to enhance your attire with a feminine influence. If you choose the lace version, the lace covers your cleavage, adding an extra element of modesty, while still allowing you to carry all of your personal items discretely tucked in your bra. These are worn anchored to the bra by the elastic strap with a snap. Tuck away your keys, credit cards, lipstick and more!

Caddies cost $30 and are guaranteed to make your boobs look all angular and pointy and generally undesirable. But will guys still stare at them? Absolutely. Available in medium (below 38D) and large (above 38D) something something MOTORBOAT! *BWUBWUBWUBWWUB!* Pulitzer me.

Product Site

Thanks to Justin, who totally didn't find the site searching "cleavage" on Google (yes he did too).

Jan 8 2010 Learn The Alphabet With Mega Man Bosses

What better way to teach your child the alphabet than with characters from the Mega Man series? There's none that I can think of. BESIDES HOT GEEKOLOGIE TOPICS! Kidding, I don't want any babies exploding with A is for awesome. Okay now you do B.

Once Upon A Pixel [gametrailers]

Thanks to P05TMAN, jigga and Barbado, who learned the alphabet the good old fashioned way: literally having it beaten into them.

Jan 7 2010 Sacrilege!: A Super Mario Jesus Flipbook

Youtube user TotemX went and made a flipbook starring Super Mario Jesus. Basically SMJ jumps off the cross and proceeds to stomp the hell(!) out of some goombas, tear Bowser in half, and then punt the princess like a football. Which....I'm not entirely sure is what the real SMJWD. Is it, SMJ? What do you say we down some shrooms and look for shapes in Lakitu's cloud?

Youtube

Thanks to Tor Inge, who once made a flipbook out of corrugated steel. The dude's strong.

Jan 7 2010 What Could Pooooossibly Go Wrong: Mad Scientist To Create Robotic Frankenstein

The man on the left is Professor Henry Markram. Based on this picture alone he's clearly a mad scientist. Don't believe me? Read this captain crazy shit:

Professor Henry Markram, a doctor-turned-computer engineer, announced that his team would create the world's first artificial conscious and intelligent mind by 2018.

And that is exactly what he is doing.

On the shore of Lake Geneva, this brilliant, eccentric scientist is building an artificial mind. A Swiss - it could only be Swiss - precision- engineered mind, made of silicon, gold and copper.

The end result will be a creature, if we can call it that, which its maker believes within a decade may be able to think, feel and even fall in love.

Now I'm not saying somebody needs to blow up Markram's lab and rescue the beautiful maiden he's obviously holding captive, but I am asking if any of you live on Lake Geneva (I'll ring-bay the omb-bay).

The real Frankenstein experiment: One man's mission to create a living mind inside a machine [dailymail] (long article with a ton more information -- I stopped reading around the bucket of rat brains part)

Thanks to Brandon and Bryan, who will pitchfork and torch the shit outta this bastard if he ever becomes reality.

Jan 7 2010 20 Life Lessons Learned From The New Mario

Paste Magazine writer Kate Keifer went and compiled a list of 20 life lessons she learned from playing the New Super Mario Bros. Wii. Most are things I learned in grade school, but there were some gems in there (no there wasn't, don't expect any).

1. Never trust a flying turtle.

2. Make it a habit to bang your head against brick walls. Sometimes money comes out.

3. When choosing between shooting fireballs and iceballs, consider the climate.

4. Reincarnation is real.

5. You can walk on clouds.

6. Water, too.

7. If you have spare time, jump around aimlessly until free stuff starts appearing.

8. Money grows on trees.

9. Why not just wear the same outfit every day?

10. Throw animals whenever you can.

11. Unless they're big enough for you to ride on them.

12. Climbing inside cannons isn't dangerous at all.

13. Jumping directly on top of a flagpole is worth the pain.

14. Exercise isn't gonna shrink your fat belly.

15. Brown mushrooms: bad.

16. Colorful mushrooms: great.

17. Money buys happiness.

18. If you get stuck, call your smarter and more patient little brother.

19. Every good man should be willing to put his life on hold for a princess.

20. A plumber can accomplish great things.

Um, yeah. I didn't really get all that. What I learned was this:

1. That whirlycopter helmet is the shit.

2. That last lava run was a bitch.

3. I didn't even get to touch a boob.

Twenty Life Lessons Learned From New Super Mario Bros. Wii [pastemagazine]

Thanks to Victor and hildAT-AT, who learned everything they needed to know from the Zelda series (plus Altered Beast).

Jan 7 2010 Photoshop: How To Turn Yourself Into A Na'vi

This is a picture of Peter Ammentorp as a Na'vi. He made the transformation using Photoshop (I still prefer makeup). As you can see, he did a pretty good job. Don't get me wrong, I'd still bow and arrow the shit out of him and then try syncing with his dead body, but....I can't believe I just typed that. But you read it. You're the real sicko here.

Hit the jump for a video of the Na'vi-ing in action.

Continue Reading " Photoshop: How To Turn Yourself Into A Na'vi "

Jan 7 2010 David Attenborough And Jane Goodall Join Carl Sagan To Sing 'The Unbroken Thread'

Oh man, I love David Attenborough. And I know a certain lil girl who loves Jane Goodall. And now they're BOTH featured in the latest Symphony of Science, 'The Unbroken Thread'. This is a good one. Especially Jane Goodall's part when she says, "there isn't a sharp line dividing humans from the rest of the animal kingdom -- it's a very wuzzy line -- it's a very wuzzy line -- and it's getting wuzzy-er all the time time time time time time time. That part gave me the shivers. In my timbers. YAAARR!!

Symphony of Science

Thanks to Kelly C., whose beats remain the freshest.

Jan 7 2010 I'd Eat It: The Name That Game Cupcake Quiz

Somebody went and made 100 cupcakes, each decorated to resemble a game. Some are analog games, but none of them are the Game. The one you just lost. This is only 25 though, so either hit the jump to see the other 75 or click THIS BIGASS BUTTON TO SEE A BIGASS PICTURE OF THEM ALL.

This is an awesome game that I saw at a party the other day. They people hosting made 100 cupcakes, each one representing a certain game, board, video, or otherwise. This was an amazing effort, considering the detailed work and imagination that went into it.

The goal of the game was to identify all the games from the clues on top of the cupcakes. I challenge you to do the same and leave a note around the cupcake with the name of the game.

Pretty cool, huh? Try to guess as many as you can and then go to Z Andrei's Flickr page HERE for an identification chart. Well, how many did you get? Six huh? That's, uh, that's genuinely f***ing awful.

Hit the jump for the three others.

Continue Reading " I'd Eat It: The Name That Game Cupcake Quiz "

Jan 7 2010 Get Em While They're Hot: Dino Shirts For Sale

Because I've been reduced to peddling t-shirts, both Shirt.Woot and Teefury have dino-themed tops available today. Shirt.Woot is selling Jurassic Parka ($10 shipped), and Teefury the anatomy of an AT-AT ($11 shipped). As usual, these are TODAY ONLY. Tomorrow there will be entirely different shirts for sale and this ship will have sailed. Isn't that right, Noah? I'll be with the dinos if you need me. And there will be a sock on the doorknob.

Shirt.Woot
and
Teefury

Thanks to Divo, OJ's Mom, katkcheshire, Francesco, Rachel, John, Matt_D, Corinna, Lea C, Melissa, Jeff, Emalee, cargo shirts and Erin, who are all fashion trendsetters (start a topless trend!)

Jan 6 2010 Cuuute: Children Asked To Predict The Future

Philly.com recently sent questionnaires to parents and teachers asking their children (13 and under) what they think the world we be like in 10 years. These are some of the answers. And as you will see, some of these cats really know what's up. Okay, which one of you has the time machine?!

I think all of the animals will be dead in 10 years because America is polluting too much. People who aren't married won't have dogs, cats, fish, or any other type of house animal.
Lexi Schommer, 8
Penn Valley

People will be friendlier because they can talk to each other on more than one phone.
Morgen Zighelboim, 5
Huntingdon Valley

Robots will take over the world. They will have lasers.
Jacob Eiseman, 9
Penn Valley

In a decade I think that the time machine will be invented. Maybe somebody will make a new ice cream flavor and the government will find a way to stop pollution. They will also make a machine to control the seasons. After, there would be a candy that makes you shrink. Astronauts would land on Mars and explorers would find new types of fish. They would also discover a new Arctic animal and a new island.
Guille Ribeiro-Vecino, 8
Wynnewood

Everybody will have a jet pack.
Dylan Marcus, 7
Cherry Hill

There may not be any blue sky.
Annie Lindner, 11
Haverford

We will live in a world of pure luxury with computers that are programmed by a human's thoughts. We will have no racism, no crime, no need for anyone to take people to court, no need for divorce. There would be no end to happiness. The poor would be welcomed into newly built houses without hesitation. Rich people would donate to every charity known. We would find a cure for every disease.
Summer Lynch, 11
Malvern

Oh Summer, Summer, Summer. You are in for a real treat. Oh -- and whatever you do, DON'T WATCH AVATAR.

Decade in Preview: The Youthful Vision [philly] (with seven pages of responses, so click it to read a ton more)

Thanks to Joe, who agrees little Jacob Eiseman might just be a seer.

Jan 6 2010 BUSTED!: Female Pedo World Of Warcraft Player Arrested Upon Return To Texas

Remember the story about the 16-year old boy and 42-year old cougar hyena that met playing World of Warcraft and decided to bump warlocks in real life? Well the woman was arrested at the airport in Texas after returning from visiting the boy in Canada. And her nipples were still hard from the cold.

Donna Hawkins, a spokesperson for the Harris County District Attorney's Office, told CTV.ca that the two allegedly "engaged in a cybersexual relationship" for more than a year.

It is alleged that Price and the teenager "engaged in some sexual activity" before they were discovered, said Hawkins.

Barrie police questioned Price, but found that she had not broken any law since the age of consent is 16.

In Texas, however, the age of consent is 17, and Harris County prosecutors charged Price despite the fact that the alleged offence did not occur locally, said Hawkins.

Price has been charged with two counts of online solicitation of a minor and one count of child enticement. None of the charges have been proven in court.

Interesting, but do you know what has been proven in court? My right to flex. Second amendment baby! *swish*

Texas woman who flew to meet Barrie teen, arrested [sympatico]

Thanks to Alioth, who's a level 80 Chris Hansen.

Jan 6 2010 I'm Going To Bonertown, Hyrule, Late 2010!!

I may still be on the Fire Temple in Zelda: Spirit Tracks, but has that stopped me for popping a preemptive booty boner about a new Zelda for the Wii coming out in late 2010? These hips gym shorts don't lie!

Satoru Iwata has confirmed to Japanese newspaper, the Asahi Shimbun, that the next iteration of the Zelda franchise for the Nintendo Wii is currently scheduled for a late 2010 release. Whether this is Japan only remains to be clarified, hopefully more news regarding this issue will follow shortly.

Iwata also informed the Japanese news publication that the future successor to the DS will have "highly detailed graphics, and it will be necessary to have a sensor with the ability to read the movements of people playing".

Sweeeeeeet. A new Zelda for Wii and a new motion sensing Zelda for the DS -- I feel like a kid on Christmas! Or, okay, a blogger in rehab. I WANT TWO PUDDINGS!

New Zelda Wii Scheduled For Late 2010, Nintendo Confirm DS Successor [sickr]

Thanks to Stephen, for being the bearer of boner news.

Jan 6 2010 Stolen From A Future Zoo: The Polar Bear TV

Soon, in order to prevent polar bears from going extinct, scientists will begin grafting them to televisions. This is a practice one. Available in March for $300, the Hannspree polar bear television (17", 720p) makes a perfect addition to your trophy room or....nope, that's the only place it would make a perfect addition. I watch HGTV, I know design.

Polar Bear TV Storms the F*** Out of CES [gizmodo]

Jan 6 2010 I'm Still L337!: The PWN'D Support Group

NOTE: Video moderately NSFW due to some foul language at the end (hum while you're watching it).

This is a College Humor video of a support group for people who have been PWN'D. It was funny. So funny I watched it twice. The second time I slapped my knee. And that's as close as I come to an endorsement without getting paid.

PWN'D Support Group [collegehumor]

Thanks to Isaac, Alex and chris, none of which are foul-mouthed homophobes.

Jan 6 2010 And I Thought I Was Hardcore: Flood Gaming

Because WoW can't wait for a flood to subside. Oh man, the pranks I'd play on these guys with a powerstrip!

This is What you Call Dedication to Gaming [unreality]

Thanks again to Roy, who, for two tips in one day, gets to ride in my ark during the apocalypse.

Jan 6 2010 Would You Like An Apple Pie With That?: Guy Calculates Pi To A Record 2.7 Trillion Digits

Fabrice Bellard, a computer scientist from Somwhere, Doesitreallymatter, recently calculated pi to a staggering 2.7 trillion digits. That's a lot of digits! I don't even have that many in my cell phone and I entered every number in the phonebook (I'm super popular).

Fabrice Bellard used a desktop computer to perform the calculation, taking a total of 131 days to complete and check the result.

This version of pi takes over a terabyte of hard disk space to store.

Previous records were established using supercomputers, but Mr Bellard claims his method is 20 times more efficient.

Well congratulations, Fabrice. Too bad I already calculated pi ALL THE WAY TO THE CRUST. It was crushed graham cracker. So yeah, stuff that in you 3.14158675309-hole and choke on it!

Pi calculated to 'record number' of digits [bbcnews]

Thanks to Camille, Erica and Scooper, who know a delicious avocado pie when they see one. I WOULD HIT THAT LIKE GUACAMOLE! (except with a fork instead of chips)

Jan 6 2010 Whee: Pop Your Booty With Booty Pop Panties

Now I've known about Booty Pop panties for awhile now because I have the imitation Fredrick's of Hollywood ones, but apparently they're making their rounds on the internet again. Because, let's face it: we all want that ultimate, shapely, lifted booty. Unfortunately, this booty was destined for sloopy. So Booty Pop panties have built-in butt-pads that make your butt look better in jeans and freakish without them (girl, you got alien-butt). Honestly, I'm only posting this because I liked how many times they said booty in the commercial. It was at least a million. BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE! Kill me now. Seriously, I won't try to stop you. Especially not....WITH THIS LASER BLASTER! *pew pew* I win.

Youtube

Thanks to G33k, Ishbo, Carly and Ryan, who all have naturally poppin' booties.

Jan 6 2010 I Knew It!: Mario Really Sucks At Plumbing

Today only at Teefury (shirt will not be available for sale after today) $9 plus $2 shipping takes home (well, technically, ships) this Mario inspired t-shirt. As you can see, Mario can't plumb to save his life. Get it? Because he's dead -- he drowned. I swear, where's your green brother when you need him? I heard that dude can lay some serious pipe. I'm talking about having sex. With pipes.

Teefury (with geek-inspired t-shirts all week, so look back tomorrow for a Star Wars shirt and Friday for Sesame Street -- I get the newsletter)

Thanks to Roy, who once monkey wrenched a warp pipe into submission.

Jan 6 2010 Why's He So Small?: Bigfoot Lawn Sculpture

I remember seeing this in the Skymall catalog the last time I was on a plane (suck it, boat!) and telling myself to remember to post it. That was months ago. Those little airplane bottles played a trick on me!

With his characteristically big feet, our more than two-foot-tall Bigfoot, the Garden Yeti Statue will have guests doing a double-take as they admire your creative decor style!

First of all, two feet tall? That's the opposite of Bigfoot -- that's smallfoot. And definitely not worth 100 bones. Also, no guest is going to admire your creative decor style. They're gonna think you're a classless jackass. No, the only Bigfoot I want in my front yard is the monster truck. YOU GONNA DIE, BEGONIAS!

Product Site

Thanks to Fally, who will take a conical hatted gnome over a little bigfoot any day.

Jan 5 2010 Tactical Pen Perfect For Stabbing Coworkers. Ahem -- I'm Looking At You, Superficial Writer

Let's face it, at one time or another we've all wanted to get stabby on a coworker. Sometimes the feeling is fleeting, but usually it's something we think about doing constantly and doodle pictures of. Enter the $20 Campco TacPen (the Tac stands for tactical, not taco, which -- I know -- is an even better idea).

The TacPen sports a rugged, weighty body made of high-​​grade aircraft alluminum and comes with two different crown attachments designed not only to throw some hurt on an attacker, but also to lock him (or her) behind bars when the doing's done.

The most unique feature of the pen is that it employs the UZI DNA Catcher on the crown of the pen. The sharpened crown on the end can be used to jab or poke an attacker, which will not only cause extreme pain, but it will also collect the aggressors' DNA which can be used for future identification.

Ahhh, of course -- DNA identification. Call me old fashioned, but whatever happened to biting an attacker to collect DNA? Or tearing a limb off. Just sayin', one armed men are easy to identify. Back me up, Dr. Richard Kimble.

Gimme Some Skin! [defensetech]

Thanks to Nils, who once stabbed a coworker for eating the rest of his Subway sub from the community fridge. That shit was warranted.

Jan 5 2010 Some Guy Beating Pens On A Desk N Sync (Bye Bye Bye!) To The Super Mario Music

This is a video of some guy beating two pens against a table and a glass in tune with the music from Super Mario Bros. Now I know I already said that in the title, but I wanted to reiterate it without the 'N Sync joke because, truthfully, I'm really shamed I ever made it. Somebody really needs to invent a keyboard button where you can go back and change things you wish you hadn't typed. Like a reverse-space or something. I digress. So I watched this video twice and couldn't tell if it was impressive or a giant waste of time. So I want you to watch it and tell me.

Waste of time? Haha, yeah I already knew.

Youtube

Thanks to Delphine, Kate and trishna87, who can tap things on other things with the best of them.

Jan 5 2010 You've Gotta Be Kidding Me: Forum To Help People Deal With Post-Avatar Depression Because The Dream Of Pandora Can't Come True

I don't see movies in the theater because I'm afraid to leave my bedroom, so I haven't seen Avatar and I don't know what the dream of Pandora is. But if it's anything like The Heart of the Ocean from Titanic then old wrinkly Rose had it the whole time! So yeah, there's a forum thread dedicated to help people deal with the depression they're experiencing because Pandora isn't real.

Original Poster:

I recently read on the Avatar TypePad Blog, that people are becoming depressed because of the movie. People are realizing that the dream can't actually come true. I was trying to start a thread where people gave ideas on how to cope with it, as in reading Avatar stuff, Writing ( about avatar of course), painting, or whatever.

Person Coping:
After I watched Avatar at the first time, I trully felt depressed as I "wake" up in this world again.
So after few days, I went to cinema and watched it again for the second time to relieve the depression and hopeless feeling.
Now I listen to the soundtrack and share my views in this forum. It really helps.

Person Offering Advice:
Start living like Neytiri: in touch with nature, the environment, and not being greedy and wasteful. Pass on the burger, for something more healthy for you and less cruel to animals. Spend your time on this forum, or volunteering in your free time, instead of getting high or drinking, twiddling your thumbs, being apathetic and complaining about how bad the world is. Don't get swept away by the wave of negativity, live your dream. Your life has only two switches, to shine or not to shine. There is no "apathy" setting. If you're on apathy setting you might as well sign your world away to destruction. When you get discouraged by everyone around you, be courageous like Jake, and jump on the leonopteryx. Be the change you want to see in your world. There are only so many people on this earth, the more of them that are doing positive things, the less of them that are out there doing negative things. It's unfortunate that we live in a world where, just by pulling a trigger or making a corporate decision, one single greedy human being can wipe out the hard works of love of many people. But this is why we need to stop focusing on money and start focusing on our environment. Because we have the intelligence to kill ourselves, but not the wisdom to stop it. What will our money buy, when everything that is worth having is destroyed? The only way you can fill the emptiness you feel after this movie, is to jump on the leonopteryx.

Now depression, no matter what brings it on, isn't funny. So I'm not making fun of these people. But what I am saying is if you can't go around beating yourself up every time a fictional universe isn't real. If that was the case I would have offed myself years ago when I didn't find anything but suit jackets and mothballs in my grandmother's wardrobe.

Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible. [avatarforums] (with tons and tons of people chiming in)

Thanks to Spenny!, who knows there's nothing to depress but depression itself.

Jan 5 2010 Sharker Motorcycle Features Monocoque Body

The Sharker, despite its name, has no interest in pulling your top down and exposing your breasts in public. No, it's cool just being a monocoque motorbike and feeling the occasional butt on its supple leather seat.

While most cars switched to monocoque construction (a technique that supports structural load by using an object's exterior, as opposed to using an internal frame) back in the '60s or '70s, motorcycles have stuck with a traditional supporting framework, sometimes with an added fairing for aerodynamics, pretty much since they were first invented.

The Sharker breaks this tradition by using its sexy carbon bodywork to support the rider, engine, and wheels, resulting in both lower weight and improved stiffness. Performance is impressive, with 140 horses ready to propel the Sharker to over 60 MPH in four seconds. Top speed can vary between 125 and 174 MPH depending on gearing choices.

Neat. So what do you think -- is this what motorcycles of the future will look like? No. Is it still cool looking though? A little. Is this what a motorcycle inspired dildo would look like? Absolutely.

Sharker motobike is a real land shark for the 21st century [dvice]

Jan 5 2010 'Worst Christmas Ever', Or, 'How To Scar Your Child For Life', Or, 'Wow Your Dad's A Dick'

This is a video of a little boy opening up an XBox 360 on Christmas. Except, instead of a console in the box, it's a pair of pajamas. Then the boy proceeds to cry while his dad laughs at him hysterically. Maybe next year they'll run over your dog!

Peor Papa en la Historia!!! [randomsadas]

Thanks to Carlos, who agrees crying children rank right up there with people hurting themselves on the funny meter.

Jan 5 2010 Liars!: There's No Such Thing As a G-Spot

I've always been fairly certain the g-spot was invented by women to make me feel inept, and now I have proof. You hear that, women? You don't know your body, science knows your body!

"Women may argue that having a G-spot is due to diet or exercise, but in fact it is virtually impossible to find real traits," said Tim Spector, professor of genetic epidemiology, who co-authored the research. "This is by far the biggest study ever carried out and it shows fairly conclusively that the idea of a G-spot is subjective."

In the research, 1,804 British women aged 23-83 answered questionnaires. All were pairs of identical or non-identical twins. Identical twins share all their genes, while non-identical pairs share 50% of theirs. If one identical twin reported having a G-spot, this would make it far more likely that her sister would give the same answer. But no such pattern emerged, suggesting the G-spot is a matter of the woman's subjective opinion.

As much as I wanna believe there isn't a magic love button that I've never managed to push, this study doesn't really prove anything except British women don't have g-spots. Or boyfriends with straight teeth. HIYO STEREOTYPES!

What an anti-climax: G-spot is a myth [timesonline]

Thanks to Salazar, whose convinced there's an h-spot. Salazar, that's ridiculous (can you draw me a map on this napkin?)

Jan 5 2010 Shredding The Shell: A Koopa Troopa Guitar

That title I came up with made me think of Shredder and the Ninja Turtles. Did anybody else get that feeling? It felt like a tingle. And I'm not talking about Tingle the map-seller in the Zelda series. Although I do know what he feels like too because he touched my butt once. Creep! Now, where was I? I think I was at the fair when that happened.

The guitar is right handed. I play it so the Koopa is on its back (it's been stomped). When it is on a guitar stand it's walking about. Just pretend Mario jumped on the Koopa Troopa and chose to hold it for too long so it's escaping.

I'm gonna go ahead and give myself advance-props now for not writing a single word about the guitar. Because that's just quality-ass blogging right there. Hey -- some people got it, some people don't. Unfortunately I don't. But I think we can all agree: what I lack in blogging skills I more than make up for in novelty t-shirts. Seriously, I have a ton of them. Take this tuxedo print for instance. Classic.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the jam-stick. Do people call guitars that? Because they're gonna start if they don't already!

Continue Reading " Shredding The Shell: A Koopa Troopa Guitar "

Jan 5 2010 Olivia Munn As A Na'vi Looks Like LOTR Orc

I'm sure many of you will never forgive me for comparing Olivia Munn to an orc, but I honestly don't care because I have convictions, damnit. Mostly for traffic violations, but there's an arson one too. Street cred! Anyway, this is a movie trailer for 'Thelma and Loise II: Avatars of Pandora'. It wasn't particularly funny, but it was well made, like products from the 50's. Boy I tell ya what -- they sure don't make 'em like they used to, do they? They don't.

Thelma and Loise II: Avatars of Pandora [hulu]
and
Youtube

Thanks to Shmitty, who has absolutely no interest in having sex with blue cats. OR SO HE SAYS.

Jan 5 2010 Laser Rifle Blinds Enemies From 2.5 Miles

So the military has a new laser rifle that can blind enemies from 2.5 miles. That's pretty far. For reference, that's half the distance between one road sign and another one 5 miles away.

The weapon--which is technically a "long-range visual deterrent laser device for hail-and-warning applications"--is called the Glare LA-9/P, and it's quite dangerous, even while it has a security system to avoid eye damage.

You know what else has a security system to avoid eye damage? Me. Now I don't want to go into all the science, but basically they're sunglasses. Sometimes I wear a pair on the back of my head too just to freak my friends out. It hasn't worked yet but it's gonna!

Military-Grade Laser Pointer Blinds People 2.5 Miles Away [gizmodo]

Jan 5 2010 'Beautiful People' Dating Website Drops A Bunch Of Fat Members After Gaining Weight

Beautiful People is a dating website for beautiful people. And apparently 5,000 members got the boot for becoming unbeautiful over the holidays by gaining weight. Big IS beautiful, jerks!

"As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld," said Robert Hintze, founder of BeautifulPeople.com. "Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded."

"Is it elitist? Yes, it is, because our members want it to be," Hodge said when the company started out in 2005. "Is it lookist? Yes, it is, because our members want it to be. Is it PC? No, it's not, but it's honest."

And on this site, beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder; only one in five applicants is normally accepted, a company statement said.

Wow, a dating website exclusively for good looking people. Why didn't I think of that? Oh right, I did. I'm not only the president -- I'm also a client badass wizard. Abracadabra bitches!

Dating site for beautiful people expels 'fatties' after holiday weight gain [cnn]

Thanks to hildAT-AT, jason and Ellen, who were all deemed too attractive for the site.

Jan 4 2010 Omegle: User Has One-Sided Pokemon Battle

Somebody with way too much time on their hands recently had a one-sided Pokemon battle with a girl on Omegle. It's moderately humorous, but there are a fair amount of words to read if you're not into that. And if you're not into that, you're probably not reading this. Dick. Haha, you didn't even read that. Jerk. I did it again!

Hit the jump to read the rest of the battle.

Continue Reading " Omegle: User Has One-Sided Pokemon Battle "

Jan 4 2010 No, Just No. Well, Okay: Adult LEGO Scenes

Anticlown loyalist Jonah Ray recently had the opportunity to create some LEGO porno scenes for work. And here I thought blogging was the best job ever. Little did I know, little did I know.

Hit the jump for two more, including one showing how AIDS was invented.

Continue Reading " No, Just No. Well, Okay: Adult LEGO Scenes "