Dec 28 2009Questionable: This Bulletproof Pocket Square
"The Damned" is a $136 piece of bulletproof fabric that was designed to go in your jacket pocket and protect your heart from being penetrated by a bullet. Clever, Mr. Bond, but I only trust my heart to a full flak jacket (and Lipitor). Per a company spokesperson who obviously doesn't care if they sell or not:
If a gun is aimed at you, fired, and the slug hits you, you will be hurt despite the properties of the square; The impact of the projectile itself is likely to fracture your bones bones and bruise you. According to the specifications of the textile, a ballistic projectile such as a bullet will not pass through seven layers of this material. We take NO responsibility for those who feel compelled to test the endurance or resistance of the textile in any way."
Ha, you have to fold it seven times! Six times and you're....oh -- oh! -- SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TO BLAME, YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME IN A VAN PARKED OUTSIDE THE BAR AND I CAN PROVE IT I HAVE SPY PHOTOS!
Hit the jump for one more shot of the why bother.
bulletproof pocket square: an essential accessory [technabob]
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Reader Comments
1. omg - December 28, 2009 10:57 AM
foist????!!!!
2. Visiontm - December 28, 2009 10:57 AM
Very Impressive.
3. Billy Rapture - December 28, 2009 11:00 AM
@1
No.
Not now, not ever.
Its a good idea, but nothing more than that.
4. Whiskey - December 28, 2009 11:03 AM
So what if they shoot you in the face.
5. Butte Force - December 28, 2009 11:03 AM
Completely ignoring the part where your pocket is outside of center mass, or how someone is unlikely to hit the pocket when aiming at it, let alone when not ...
http://www.theboxotruth.com/docs/bot16.htm
Bruises? Broken bones? No shit.
6. Closet Nerd - December 28, 2009 11:05 AM
Can you make a bullet proof turbin or hijab?...... just askin
7. naas - December 28, 2009 11:12 AM
he said 'hussy'
@1 retarded
@2 no it's not
@4 you die or live without a face
@6 of course, they call them kev-wraps & it's hard not to think of a pita-wrap when wearing one
8. Closet Nerd - December 28, 2009 11:16 AM
@7 PITA has a completely different meaning to me.... when the kids are bad, we tell them they are being a "P.I.T.A." (Pain In The Ass)..... just sayin
9. LSDiesel - December 28, 2009 11:19 AM
@6, I got mine at Turban Outfitters.
10. Whiskey - December 28, 2009 11:24 AM
@7
..whats a hussy?
11. naas - December 28, 2009 11:35 AM
@8 well with that cross-reference, the next time they're bad just tell them you're going to eat them & you think they will taste like chicken
@10 http://bignanime.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/haruhi-hussy.gif
12. LSDiesel - December 28, 2009 11:35 AM
Anyone who buys one of these deserves to be shot.
^ See what I did there?
13. naas - December 28, 2009 11:35 AM
@LSDiesel =)
14. naas - December 28, 2009 11:38 AM
*edit
15. Pat - December 28, 2009 11:44 AM
I can't even begin to describe the idiocy of this product.
16. KBOTZ - December 28, 2009 11:52 AM
this actually promotes reverse evolution. Anyone dumb enough to buy this we don't want to procreate anyways....Fortunately it won't do a damn thing. Besides, if you strap 6 or 7 pizza boxes to your chest, it'll do the same thing.
17. Vicky - December 28, 2009 11:53 AM
Anyone who shots one of these buys to deserve.
^See what I did there?
18. dontcare - December 28, 2009 11:56 AM
The heart is in the MIDDLE of the chest, not the left.
19. McFeely Smackup - December 28, 2009 11:59 AM
There are a couple of obvious problems here:
1. Whether the bullet penetrates the material or not is immaterial (see what I did there?). There is FAR too little surface area and/or rigidity to prevent penetrating the BODY. All this will do is end up with a bullet AND a swatch of fabric in your chest.
2. It does NOT protect the heart. Your heart is in the center of your chest, the pocket area is over a lung. Who doesn' t know basic anatomy?
3. lastly, it's stupid for every other reason on the planet.
20. ObamaPacman - December 28, 2009 12:20 PM
Um, only in movies will people aim for the heart.
Real world = shot in center of mass = wearer fail
21. Spikey DaPikey - December 28, 2009 12:38 PM
Just buy some level III body armour FFS !
22. velizar - December 28, 2009 12:41 PM
If Dimebag Darelll weared one of these, he wouldn't be dead. ;_;
RIP MY FRIEND YOU'LL ROCK IN HEAVEN
23. Deetz - December 28, 2009 12:54 PM
I saw this about a year and a half ago.
24. supernova_hq - December 28, 2009 1:15 PM
$136 for a square of kevlar? Rip-off!
25. Daniel - December 28, 2009 2:25 PM
@4 dumb and dumber?
it looks thiner than current bullet proof materials even if you do have to fold it seven times.
I want to get enough of this stuff to make seven progressively larger Tshirts.
26. Daniel - December 28, 2009 2:30 PM
@11 fuckinlol'd
@19 your #1 "end up with a bullet AND a swatch of fabric in your chest." that equals easy bullet removal
27. needles - December 28, 2009 3:45 PM
btw, it's 7 layers, not 7 folds... 7 folds is 128 layers?
28. ciao - December 28, 2009 4:36 PM
oh quite fancy....though I would prefer one that is a full shirt...even if not layered it'll reduce much of damage with a bullet resistant golf t.
29. Mr. Fragglestick - December 28, 2009 4:59 PM
@22...what are the odds of finding a fellow dime sheep on here? man...i miss dimebag...... :'(
30. ugg - December 29, 2009 6:52 AM
Woo! 2nd mentioning on Geekologie!
http://www.llikeonline.com/
31. Jaded Icon - December 29, 2009 8:22 AM
When will full body armor come back in fashion?.....just saying.
32. Graymer Naszy - December 29, 2009 9:03 AM
"is likely to fracture your bones bones and bruise you"
My bones have bones?
33. White667 - December 29, 2009 11:23 PM
Why not make a while suit outa' this stuff? Like the lining or whatever.
34. igo - December 30, 2009 3:41 AM
wondering where heart is exactly lying at. found this interesting ( that might be a good topic for Mr.GL )
http://pinktentacle.com/2008/10/kaiju-anatomical-drawings/