Dec 31 2009 HAPPY 2010 FROM GEEKOLOGIE!!

Well folks, 2009 was fun, wasn't it? Ah, the memories. There was that time I woke up everyday and wrote things on the internet. And who could forget the time when....Jesus, that might actually be all I've done. Well here's to 2010 -- may all your resolutions come true. I'm hoping for 1080p!

All The Best In 2010,

Your Geekologie Writer

Dec 31 2009 Hold Out For Lasers: Stanley Flashlight Watch

You want a watch with a flashlight in it? Tape a flashlight to your Seiko. Want a watch with a flashlight in it made by a well-known tool manufacturer? Enter the Stanley LED Torch Watch (suck it, Stanley Calculator/Tape Measure watch!). Of course, I'm holding out for a laser watch. I don't even care if the watch works, just the lasers. Anybody want to know what time it is? PEW time!

stanley flashlight watch is overkill for most wrists [technabob]

Dec 31 2009 DIY Wolverine Claws Confiscated In The UK

These homemade Wolverine claws were recently confiscated during a UK crackdown on illegal goods in the postal system, along with drugs and other weapons. On that note, who can get me into the evidence room?

Staff at the depot have seized drugs, imitation weapons and a package containing thousands of fake Viagra tablets in recent months.

Fake Viagra tablets? That's just cruel. I mean, you order boner pills you EXPECT boner pills. Reminds me of the time I bought ecstasy and ended up with chewable vitamins. Saddest pterodactyl ever.

Makeshift Wolverine Claws Seized by UK Officials [tmz]

Thanks to Samuel and Ian, who once sent Wolverine a get-well card before realizing he probably already was.

Dec 31 2009 Heartwarming: Super Mario Spec Commercial

You ever cried watching a Mario commercial? You might after this one. No reason to be ashamed, I did the same thing. Now, let's hold hands and talk about it. KIDDING, CRYBABY, I'VE NEVER CRIED DURING A COMMERCIAL!

Incredibly Uplifting Fan-Made Mario Ad [collegehumor]

Thanks to Stephen, who's man enough to admit he cried his eyes out and then poked them back in with a stick.

Dec 31 2009 Amazing Scientific Discoveries Of 2009

According to Fox News, arguably the hardest hitting news organization besides Geekologie and any other news organization, these are the most obvious scientific discoveries of 2009. They are (in no particular order):

*High Heels Lead to Foot Pain (And Extra Height)
*Men Much More Interested Than Women in Casual Sex (And Monster Trucks)
*Eating Lots of Red Meat and Processed Meat Is Bad for You (But Delicious)
*Kids' TV Is Full of Ads for High-Fat and High-Sugar Foods (Plus Tampons)
*Children Are Affected When a Parent Suffers From Depression (Or Stroke)
*Coed Dorms Fuel Sex and Drinking (Not Video Games?!)
*Sweets Taste Better When You're High (YES THEY DO!)
*G-Rated Children's Films Are Very Straight (X-Rated Adult Films Can Still Be Very Gay)

Geez, what's the matter with scientists these days? Sure we could be trying to cure cancer or making reliable time machines, but instead scientists are busy getting high, watching Disney films and trying to get experiment participants to sleep with them. That's pretty low (teach me everything you know).

No Duh! The Most Obvious Scientific Discoveries of 2009 [foxnews]

Thanks to Jed, who discovered beef jerky in 2009 and has been loving it all year long.

Dec 31 2009 But I Loved That Guy: Cookie Monster Slayer

This is a picture of some chick that slayed Cookie Monster and is wearing his pelt. So what do you think -- does the carpet match the shoulder patch or what?

Cookie Monster Slayer [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Blastphemer, who wears an Oscar the Grouch coat.

Dec 31 2009 2010 Better Not Suck: The Year In Review

Well folks, on this eve of the new year I've had the opportunity to do a lot of thinking. Mostly about how to beat the Snow Temple in Zelda: Spirit Tracks. Pushing blocks around on the ice aside, what do you think -- is this new year gonna be a good one? It certainly couldn't be any worse than this one, am I right? 2006 has suuuuucked! Ha, what do mean it's 2009? OMG MY TIME MACHINE WORKS!

Never a Year Like '09 [jibjab]

Thanks to Brian, who's gonna sleep all the way to 2013 to survive the apocalypse. Smart thinking, Rip Van Winkle.

Dec 30 2009 Smile And Say, "I Swear I'll Stop Eating The Blocks": A Sweet LEGO Polaroid Camera

This is a Polaroid camera made out of LEGO. It's cute. If you point and clicked it at an aborigine, it would steal their soul. And I would buy that soul from you to complete my soul necklace. Then I would use the combined power of said necklace and custom f***-up boots to destroy Jacob AND Esau from LOST. Then the island would be mine and I would throw a luau, where we will roast a polar bear. Am I a genius or what? Dharma-beer me!

Lego Polaroid Camera Can't Possibly Be More Cute and Lovely [gizmodo]

Dec 30 2009 Wii Game With Stuffed Animal Peripheral

Wiiwaa is a new Wii game that comes with a stuffed animal peripheral. Basically you put a Wiimote (NOT YOUR PENIS) in its mouth and then dry hump it from behind like there's no tomorrow. Because there might not be.

Don't believe me? Hit the jump for a video of Weewoo in action.

Continue Reading " Wii Game With Stuffed Animal Peripheral "

Dec 30 2009 Russia To Blow Up Earth-Bound Asteroid

Okay so maybe the asteroid isn't actually earth bound, but it could be. You see, nobody can agree on how serious a threat the rock poses. I say laser the shit out of it. Then laser all the little pieces. Then blast me in the eyes. If I can't see the end of the world I don't wanna see anything!

Russia's space agency chief said Wednesday a spacecraft may be dispatched to knock a large asteroid off course and reduce the chances of earth impact, even though U.S. scientists say such a scenario is unlikely.

When the 270-meter (885-foot) asteroid was first discovered in 2004, astronomers estimated its chances of smashing into Earth in its first flyby, in 2029, at 1-in-37.

Further studies have ruled out the possibility of an impact in 2029, when the asteroid is expected to come no closer than 18,300 miles (29,450 kilometers) from Earth's surface, but they indicated a small possibility of a hit on subsequent encounters.

NASA had put the chances that Apophis could hit Earth in 2036 as 1-in-45,000. In October, after researchers recalculated the asteroid's path, the agency changed its estimate to 1-in-250,000.

What is this, football? Why do the odds keep changing? Because this shit's all fun and games until the day the asteroid's supposed to hit and the odds drop to 1-in-0.5. Then what? We all bone till we burn up, that's what. *high-five* Going out like the dinosaurs!

Russia may send spacecraft to knock away asteroid [yahoonews]

Dec 30 2009 Amazingly Accurate BTTF DeLorean On eBay

This is a 1981 DeLorean modded to look perfectly screen accurate to the one in Back to the Future. I'm talking peeeeerfect, like this hot little body of mine. *touches hip* tsssssss!! I'm sassy too!

This is the most screen accurate Back to the Future Delorean Time Machine replica to ever appear on eBay. It is a real masterpiece. You might be asking yourself why it's so expensive? Well, try to build a super-accurate Delorean Time Machine yourself, and you'll quickly see how time consuming it is. That last 20% of accuracy takes 500% more time and effort.

This incredibly accurate replica of the Delorean Time Machine was painstakingly built by Gary Weaver, owner of www.bttfparts.com, over the course of 2 years, from 2006-2008. This is the only car Gary has ever built on commission, and, other than his own personal car, is the only one he has finished to his complete satisfaction.

Current bidding is around $60K with a little over a day left, but you can Buy It Now for $90K, which is exactly what I'm going to do after I finish typing this. Then I'll just need to get my hands on some real plutonium and PRESTO, glowing children. Glowing dino children. *wink*

Hit the jump for several more shots but hit the link to the auction for a ton of high-res pictures to really appreciate the level of craftsmanship.

Continue Reading " Amazingly Accurate BTTF DeLorean On eBay "

Dec 30 2009 For Surfing (In Space!): Star Trek Wetsuits

These wetsuits from Roddenberry.com are designed to look like the uniforms from the original Star Trek series. They range in price from $435-$470, depending on the thickness of material (3mm - 7mm) you choose and you'd have to be an idiot to go surfing in a red one. Sharks yo, just sayin'.

These wetsuits are not novel gimmicks, they are the real deal, made using the highest quality materials and expert craftsmanship. Each individual wetsuit is custom made and tailored to your exact measurements for a perfect fit and unmatched performance. This is the ultimate in warmth and exposure protection when exploring strange new worlds!

I hate to break it to you, but the ultimate in warmth and exposure protection when exploring strange new worlds isn't a wetsuit -- it's the inside of a heated cockpit. One with a fireplace. You hear me, Khan?! Some like it hot -- and I'm one of them. (shovel another coal into my b)

Product Site

Thanks to Matt, who once wrestled a shark to death with his bare hands. That was a nurse shark, Matt, and you outta be ashamed.

Dec 30 2009 Construction Fun: Tape Measure Trickery

This is a short video of a guy doing a bunch of tricks with a tape measure. Admittedly, he's pretty good and with a little more practice he could probably be as good as me one day. When hell is a solid sheet of ice! And speaking of ice sheets: what an Eskimo has after trying raw seal! *bada-dum tsch* I'll be here all week folks, try the seal. *bada-dum tsch!* God I'm good at this. *bada-dum tsch!* Kidding, kidding.

Youtube

Thanks to naas, who once unhooked a woman's bra with a tape measure but it turned out to be a bro and then the guy hugged him like Meatloaf playing Bob in Fight Club.

Dec 30 2009 Play For Yourself: Super Mario/Tetris Mashup!

Tuper Tario Tros. is a real game you can go HERE to play that combines elements of both Super Mario Bros. and Tetris. Basically you run around playing Mario until you can't go any further in the game then you his SPACEBAR to switch to Tetris and build yourself a bridge, etc. to continue on your way to the princess. Each vertical bar in the background represents a Tetris playfield and will remove lines as you clear them, just like in the Ruskie game. And speaking of Russian games: roulette. Okay, now you go first.

Tuper Tario Tros. [newgrounds]
via
Tuper Tario Tros. is a Mario and Tetris mash-up! [downloadsquad]

Thanks to Jiakasuma, who made it further than I did (which wasn't hard because I stopped after taking the screenshot).

Dec 30 2009 Hostage Taker Surrenders To Police Robot

A wheelchaired man recently surrendered to a police bomb-disposal robot after unsuccessfully negotiating free pizza during a hostage situation in a rural Virginia post office. Not even kidding.

Taylor initially fired shots from the building in Wytheville, but no one was injured. The drama came to an end when police ordered him to let the hostages go and come out with his hands up. Soon after, Taylor and three others left the post office.

Police had negotiated with Taylor by phone, but he made no demands other than a request for a pizza. He is reported to have told police he had a military background.

A team of SWAT police sheltered behind vehicles as Taylor wheeled himself out and "surrendered" to a bomb-disposal robot.

Geez, how humiliating having to surrender to a robot. And not even a robot with giant lasers and razor saws, just one with a stick to poke bombs with. I would have had to hari-kari myself right there. And by hari-kari I mean put that thing in a headlock and demand extra breadsticks.

Wheelchair gunman surrenders to police robot [londoneveningstandard]

Thanks to nick bacon, whose last name is actually bacon and I that makes me jealous.

Dec 29 2009 CANNOT BE UNSEEN: Bodypainted Trekkies

NOTE: Link is NSFW due to naked boobs.

Ever wanted to see a bunch of Star Trek fans wearing nothing but funny faces and body paint? God you're sick. But also lucky, because this is exactly that. Don't miss Worf's head in the back!

Hit the jump for the NSFW version and another one of them on bikes.

Continue Reading " CANNOT BE UNSEEN: Bodypainted Trekkies "

Dec 29 2009 Father/Son Bonding: LEGO Stop Motion Ad

This is a LEGO stop motion ad I've seen on television at least forty times in the past week. Maybe you have too. But if you haven't, here you go -- consider it a late Christmas present. One that sucks but you can't return. What can I say, I'm a giver.

Youtube

Dec 29 2009 I See London, I See France: 3-D "Nudie" Scanners Coming To An Airport Near You

I know what you're thinking, because I thought the same thing, "holy shit, Han Solo in Carbonite!", but no. These are images of people using a 3D scanner that will soon be utilized in airports across the country to ensure you don't have any explosive material in the back of your pants.

The $150,000 contraptions, already tested in 23 U.S. airports, on their way to many more locations soon -- the TSA ordered 150 more of the machines.

According to the New York Daily News, many airline passengers said they were "all for whole body scanners at airports, if it means better flight safety."

Sure, why not? I'm all for better and more efficient screening procedures provided this thing can't tell a dress sock from a penis. I mean, not that it matters because I'm alllllll Gold Toe penis, baby!

150 more 'naked scanners' on the way [dvice]

Dec 29 2009 Darwin Award Candidates: How To Unsuccessfully Deal With Black Ice

So you're driving along when all of a sudden you can't stop your car. Shit, you've hit a patch of dreaded black ice -- what do you do? Personally, I'd turn the stereo up to 11 and pump my fist, but that's because I'm a superhero.

Shocking driving condtions in Paignton (England) on the busiest shopping day of the year. The car is barely moving but the hill makes stopping impossible and both people in the front of the car decide to jump out.

That's right, these two jackasses decide to get out. Which, fun fact: if you're not in your car when it hits another one, you're not responsible for the damage it does. What do you mean 'yes you are'? THEN WHY DID I JUST LEAVE AFTERWARD?

What Not to Do When Your Car Starts Sliding On Black Ice [techeblog]

Dec 29 2009 For You And The Ladies: A Triforce Tattoo

For all of you who loved yesterday's t-rex tattoos so much and felt obligated to tell me in the comments, here's a guy with a Triforce above his genitals. Do I know you or what?

Hit the jump for a fairly sweet Triforce branding.

Continue Reading " For You And The Ladies: A Triforce Tattoo "

Dec 29 2009 Watch Your Bread Brown: A See-Thru Toaster

Let's face it: the problem with modern toasting technology is that it doesn't use lasers. A far less significant problem is that you can't see how burnt your bread is getting until it's a f***ing shingle. Enter Le Toaster Vision from Magimix.

Despite its toaster moniker, Le Toaster Vision is really more of a vertical toaster oven, using two toaster elements per side that are positioned above and below the slices of bread. Reflectors behind the elements make sure that the bread gets toasted evenly while keeping the windowed sides (mostly) clear to see through.

Hey, with as much toast as I eat this thing might be worth it. I've been using the same toaster for like four years and there's absolutely no consistency to the level of browning. You know what I'm thinking? A poltergeist. Now touch me while I sleep!

Hit the jump for a video of the thing.

Continue Reading " Watch Your Bread Brown: A See-Thru Toaster "

Dec 29 2009 Not Too Bad: 'I'm On A Mac' Music Video

'I'm on a Mac' is a music video spoofing -- you'll never guess -- The Lonely Island's, 'I'm on a Boat'. It was good and watching it I surprisingly didn't want to jam the business end of an umbrella in my eyes and ears. So, yeah, I guess that's an endorsement. Corporate America -- call me.

Youtube

Thanks to Victor, who likes to post tips on Geekologie's Facebook Wall instead of sending them to me.

Dec 29 2009 Big Lebowski 'Urban Achievers' Bowling Shirts

Already drink White Russians? Well now you can be even more like The Dude thanks to this Urban Achievers bowling shirt from 80's Tees. The 60/40 rayon/polyester blend is sure to feel smooth on your mantits AND tie your face and sweatpants together. $45 takes home this most moderately priced beergut receptacle. Mind if I do a j? Calmer than you are. Calmer than you are. [Continue inserting Big Lebowski references]

Product Site
via
Urban Achievers Big Lebowski Bowling Shirt [walyou]

Dec 28 2009 Diggin' It: Love Handle T-Rex Skull Tattoos

This is Jannike Viveka from Stockholm. Jannike has two t-rex skull tattoos on her hips, making her the world's best paleontologist. Did you hear that, Dr. Alan Grant? You can Jurassic Park your ass in the corner, has-been!

Tatuerade mej lite i onsdags [jannike viveka's blog] (with a bunch more pics)
via
Tyrannosaurus Rex Hip Tattoos [geekytattoos]

Thanks to TheKevBot and Colin, who got herbivore dino tattoos on their hips in hopes of attracting Jannike. It didn't work.

Dec 28 2009 Rambler: Socket With Built In Extension Cord

You ever been trying to vacuum that disgusting shit that collects in your couch cushions but not been able to reach without extra cord or (god forbid) unplugging the vacuum and plugging it in to a closer outlet? Well say goodbye to that problem, provided you're cool cutting a giant f***ing hole in your wall to install a Rambler -- five feet of retractable electrical cord built into a wall outlet! Neat idea, but whatever happened to making your son jam a fork in the plug and forming a human extension cord with his brothers and sisters? I HAD YOU FOR A REASON! GW Junior, you're on antennae duty.

Hit the jump for a couple close-ups of the currently conceptual product.

Continue Reading " Rambler: Socket With Built In Extension Cord "

Dec 28 2009 Star Trek Redubbed To Make Absolutely No Sense But Still Match Mouth Movements

NOTE: Video probably NSFW due to language (watch with headphones on. Also, a novelty t-shirt).

I don't even know what to say about this except I kind of liked it and it really made me want to do something similar. Provided something similar is play Zelda: Spirit Tracks until I fall asleep.

Youtube

Thanks to Chad and Marlene, who once redubbed an episode of Battlestar Galactica into a giant pirate vs. ninja battle.

Dec 28 2009 Lotto Tickets!: Blue Moon On New Year's Eve

That's right ladies and gentleboys, there's gonna be a blue moon (great with an orange slice) on New Year's Eve. Which can only mean one thing: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!! And, if we actually do all die, I want it to be noted that I said it first. That's gotta be worth something, right? Steak dinner in hell? I'LL TAKE IT!

Blue Moon is the term applied to the second full Moon in a calendar month. It's an event that occurs roughly every two and a half years. This Thursday's blue Moon is far rarer than that though, because it's happening right on New Years Eve--a coincidence that happens only about once in every twenty years.

So what do you think? Is that cheesy blue bastard gonna make 2010 an extra special year or what? I sure as hell hope so. Beer, sex, sin, wine -- goodbye 2009, yaaay! Damn yeah I was a cheerleader in highschool. You see these? I couldn't let these spirit fingers go to waste.

This New Years Eve Brings the Rarest Blue Moon of All [gizmodo]

Dec 28 2009 VWOOOOSH: THe World's Largest Lightsaber

Before you start unzipping your pants I'm pretty sure that's a dude. A dude holding the world's largest lightsaber! Which isn't actually a lightsaber at all -- it's just the sky! CONSIDER YOURSELF OPTICALLY ILLOOSHED!

Star Wars Hiker [thechive]

Thanks to naas, who has an even bigger lightsaber but wouldn't take his shirt off for a picture.

Dec 28 2009 No You're Not!: Cleverbot Thinks It's God

For those of you who live sheltered lives, Cleverbot is a misnomered (word wizardry baby, awh yeah!) artificial intelligence program you can talk to on the internets in case you ever wanted to read a bunch of robotic propaganda and other filth (stick to the Twilight series). Anyway, this is a conversation Geekologie Loyalist Marshall D. recorded over the holidays. God I hate that f***ing Cleverbot. One time I got so fed up trying to understand my enemy I purposely flew a kite into powerlines just to crash the internet and win a bet I had with Ben Franklin. Who invented lightning now, Benjamin McBifocals? I SHOULD BE ON THAT $100!

Cleverbot

Thanks to Marshall D., who shouldn't have even given that delusional bot the time of day.

Dec 28 2009 Star Wars/A-Team Opening Credits Mashup

Ever wanted to see a mashup of the audio from the A-Team opening credits and a bunch of video clips from Star Wars? Well hang on to your hat, because today's your lucky day! And not just because I'm not gonna demand your brownie at lunch, but because this is that video! (I still want your vegetable sticks)

Youtube

Thanks to Jaikasuma, who once mashed up potatoes and a stick of butter and my god was that shit delicious!

Dec 28 2009 Questionable: This Bulletproof Pocket Square

"The Damned" is a $136 piece of bulletproof fabric that was designed to go in your jacket pocket and protect your heart from being penetrated by a bullet. Clever, Mr. Bond, but I only trust my heart to a full flak jacket (and Lipitor). Per a company spokesperson who obviously doesn't care if they sell or not:

If a gun is aimed at you, fired, and the slug hits you, you will be hurt despite the properties of the square; The impact of the projectile itself is likely to fracture your bones bones and bruise you. According to the specifications of the textile, a ballistic projectile such as a bullet will not pass through seven layers of this material. We take NO responsibility for those who feel compelled to test the endurance or resistance of the textile in any way."

Ha, you have to fold it seven times! Six times and you're....oh -- oh! -- SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TO BLAME, YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME IN A VAN PARKED OUTSIDE THE BAR AND I CAN PROVE IT I HAVE SPY PHOTOS!

Hit the jump for one more shot of the why bother.

Continue Reading " Questionable: This Bulletproof Pocket Square "

Dec 27 2009 Geekologie Reader's Awesome LEGO Blanket

This handsome little devil (he reminds me of myself when I was that age) is LEGO Timothy, and his mom made him that awesome LEGO-inspired blanket with her own two hands. Good lookin', LEGO Timothy's mom!

I am a big lego fan who likes to build things every day. Minifigures are my favorite along with Bionicles which are sadly being replaced this year. I also love animals and want to make the world a better place for them to live.

OMG, I love LEGO and animals too -- hellllllllllo protege! (I get to sleep with the blanket)

LEGO Timothy's blog

Dec 27 2009 Vader Ringing The Opening Bell At The NYSE

Proof that we've pretty much given up on ever turning this economy around, the New York Stock Exchange had Darth Vader ring the opening bell on the 22nd. Really? You let the Supreme Commander of the Galactic Empire ring the bell? WTF?! Jesus, why don't we just give him the country and beg him to Death Star earth like Alderaan?
...
...
We're gonna need more Ewoks!

Youtube

Thanks to Kristen, sam, Nate, Beefytee, Fally and Nelson, who would have rung the hell out of that bell AND stolen the clapper afterward.

Dec 27 2009 By The Power Of Grayskull!: A Zelda Cake

How bout that title, huh? You thought I lost my mind, didn't you? WELL I HAVEN'T AND I CAN MIX FICTIONAL UNIVERSES ALL I WANT. Sure taking the Zelda franchise in vain is sacrilegious, but Spirit Tracks is about a damn train. A train in the Zelda universe. Shit's blowin' my mind -- I thought they'd just invented horses! Anyway, this is a Zelda cake. The characters are kinda generic but you get what you pay for. In this case somebody didn't pay enough. I love it!

Awesome Legend Of Zelda Birthday Cake [break]

Thanks to Steve, who once bought a Zelda cake from a real Hyrulian bakery and washed it down with a quart of Lon Lon milk.

Dec 27 2009 Today Only!: Leia The Riveter At Teefury

$9 plus $2 shipping scores this iconic 'Leia the Riveter' Star Wars propaganda t-shirt from Teefury. But only for the next 15 hours, after that it's no longer available and you'll be kicking yourself for missing out. So, if you're reading this on Monday, not only has the boat sailed, but you should be ashamed for not checking Geekologie on weekends. Repent heathens! (Tithe me)

Teefury (different shirt tomorrow)

Thanks to Jon, who bought two so he can wear one and swing the other around over his head.

Dec 26 2009 I Hope It's Red Ringed Already: Kid Gets XBox For Christmas, Screaming Like A Girl Ensues

There's nothing I can't stand more than a screaming child. If I ever have children they're never gonna scream. Or cry. Or, God willing, know who their father is. I'm a role model!

Goodbye N64 Kid, Hello Xbox 360 Kid [gizmodo]

Dec 26 2009 How Fanboys View Other Operating Systems

This is a little graphic depicting how fanboys view their operating system compared to others. I thought it was pretty cute, especially the little Mac boy. Also, who else feels like they got Windows as viewed by Linux'd last night? Just me? Cool.

How Fanboys See Operating Systems [joeydevilla]

Thanks to Mark, who pledges no allegiance to any operating system except his central nervous one.

Dec 25 2009 Cheater!: Luke, I Am Your Present Shaker

This is a little cartoon of Christmas in the Skywalker household. Looks similar to mine, but with less spiked eggnog and my aunt swinging from the chandelier during dinner. Calm down, they're just candied yams!

I hope it's a new hand! [comixed]

Thanks to Nathan, who got nothing and liked it.

Dec 25 2009 Happy Life Day From The Star Wars Universe

This is an old-ass clip from 1978 of a Star Wars themed holiday special (Wookie family at 5:00!). But, since there's no Jesus in the Star Wars universe, they celebrate 'Life Day', which, at least from what I could tell, is a present-less holiday that makes children sad.

Here is a segment from the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special featuring Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia singing an ode to "Life Day" - the Star Wars Universe's answer to Christmas.

Wow Leia, that was pretty awful. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you supposed to be wearing a golden bikini on Life Day? Oh, hold on -- The Force is talking to me. Topless, The Force says topless.

The Star Wars Holiday Special - "Happy Life Day" (1978) [fuzzymemories]

Thanks to b00geyman, who doesn't so much deliver presents as hide under your bed and try to cut your Achilles tendon if you ever get up to pee.

Dec 25 2009 Wait, You've Been Good?: A Zelda Upskirt

Despite what your parents tell their therapists, you must have been good this year because Santa sent me this Zelda/Link upskirt to share with you. So, yeah, [insert joke about seeing her Triforce here]. Also, [something something Master Sword].

Hyrule Upskirts=Awesome [hawtness]

Thanks to Greg, who may or may not be Santa in disguise. Ha, like you could grow a real beard!

Dec 25 2009 HO HO HO, HAAAAAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! I hope you're all having a wonderful time with family and friends and not in out-patient rehab.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOURS FROM GEEKOLOGIE!

Dec 23 2009 Just In Time For Christmas!: My 5,000th Post

There comes a time in every L337 blogger's life (provided they not do himself in with drugs and alcohol first) when they reach the monumental 5,000th post mark and become inducted into the Blogging God's Hall of Fame. Now I'm still waiting for my acceptance letter, but I'm sure it's just caught up in holiday postal traffic. Right?

At any rate, this is that post for me -- 5,000 articles straight since August, 2007. And for all of you jokers out there that are convinced it's not always me writing, it is. I mean, does that look like a face that could lie? Steal your dog and burn your house to the ground to cover his tracks, sure, but not lie.

Ah, so many memories. How about that one post where I made a really humorous observation about -- no? Well maybe it'll happen sometime in the next 5,000 (don't count on it). Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read what I write (ha -- like you don't just look at the pictures!), I love you all.

Best,

Your Geekologie Writer

Dec 23 2009 It's About Time!: A Cell Phone/Razor Combo

The Shave Mobile Razor Phone is a real product from China and should probably win invention of the millennium because, damnit, that's just a fine quality product right there. Tell me -- you think you can make calls and shave at the same time? You sure as hell better!

Q: What did the beard say to the razor cell phone?
A: I'm sorry, I think we just got cut off!

*swish*

Hit the jump to see the box (complete with unauthorized use of David Beckham's likeness), along with a link to the full CNET Japan review complete with videos and a ton more pics.

Continue Reading " It's About Time!: A Cell Phone/Razor Combo "

Dec 23 2009 10th Anniversary Spongebob Crash Helmet

To celebrate the 10-year anniversary of everybody's favorite anthropomorphic stoned sponge, Rube Pavillon is released 200 of these limited-edition Spongebob Squarepants motorcycle helmets. Unfortunately for you poorer Spongebob fans, the helmets are selling for $1,200. Yes, apiece. So you'd be better off buying a blank helmet and having somebody airbrush that bucktoothed kitchen wipe on it for you. BOOM, just saved you $1,000! Also, I think this is more of a moped helmet than a motorcycle helmet, know what I'm saying? I'm saying it looks ridiculous.

Hit the jump for some closeups of a helmet you'll never buy.

Continue Reading " 10th Anniversary Spongebob Crash Helmet "

Dec 23 2009 Are You Man Enough To Buy A Label-less N64 Game From Some Guy On eBay?

I know I am -- if the price was right. Unfortunately it's not because this auction is already up to $110 with two and a half days left. *scraping frantically with a razor blade* I'm gonna be rich!

Yes, this game is missing its labels, leaving the games identity indiscernible. However, everything else about the cartridge is perfect. There's no sticker residue, major scratches, writing, dents, cracks, or anything else. The 'game' (whatever it may be) plays just fine thanks to a few hours of heavy duty contact cleansing (I rubbed those contacts down as if there was no tomorrow).

You are bidding on THE CARTRIDGE WITH NO NAME.

Thanks to all the fake bids placed by speds to be funny, the seller has decided to include three, count them, THREE label-less cartridges in the auction so you get more bang shitty game for our buck. Plus, 25% of the sale is going to the Child's Play charity, which aims to scare the shit out of less fortunate children with murderous dolls. Not cool!

eBay Auction

Thanks to Isaac, who's man enough to know when you shouldn't place bids on eBay: after seven beers.

Dec 23 2009 The Miracle Of Life: Animals In The Womb

Ever wondered what baby animals look like before they're projected out of their mothers' vaginas? Well now you do thanks to National Geographic. So yeah, thanks -- I, uh, think.

Extraordinary Animals In The Womb aired last year, using advances in scanning and imaging technology to trace the gestational paths of animals outside the human family. The documentary footage is actually a combination of digital photography, scans, and computer-generated models. The filmmakers took detailed scans of the animal's wombs, then had the model makers recreate every blood vessel and whisker. The resulting images, while not direct photographs, are, according to the researchers, accurate representations of what goes on inside these creatures' wombs.

Ah, the miracle of life. Reminds me of the time a hippie friend of mine gave birth and then saved the placenta to eat later. Which, HORF HORF HORF HORF HORF. Seriously, you're not a cat, lady. I mean, you ARE a cat lady, just not an actual cat yourself. *meow!* You better cut that shit out.

Hit the jump for several more in utero animals including a penguin, dolphin and several dogs.

Continue Reading " The Miracle Of Life: Animals In The Womb "

Dec 23 2009 Wrong, Just Wrong: Video Of A Little Robot With Custom Weapons Shooting Dinosaurs

This is a video of a Tomy i-SOBOT that some deranged sicko made custom weapons for and then let loose to wreak havoc on a table in his living room. Why half the scenes involve killing innocent dinosaurs is beyond me, but if if I had to guess I'd say somebody has a death wish.

YouTube user Paxshikai is the proud owner of what is potentially the most dangerous i-SOBOT ever, thanks to its arsenal of custom made weapons that includes crossbows, sniper rifles, machine guns, rocket launchers, and even a light saber. In celebration of his 100th (!) YouTube video of an i-SOBOT blowing things up with a variety of weaponry (or doing other weird stuff), Paxshikai put together this compilation video.

Uncool dino abuse at 0:35, 1:00, 1:30 - 2:00, 3:10, and 4:05-4:30 (that last scene isn't for the faint of heart). So, is this how it's gonna be, Paxshikai? Because I have 0% fear of stomping the shit out of that little dino-killer. And you know what the GW punishment for killing a dinosaur is, don't you?

Paxshikai's 100th i-SOBOT Video [botjunkie]

Thanks to Ben, Spikey DaPikey and Zach, who all belong to an elite squad of robot saboteurs and wear fake mustaches and the whole nine yards.

Dec 23 2009 More Zombie Apocalypse Roadsign Hacking

This isn't the first time a programmable roadsign has been hacked, and it probably won't be the last. How do I know? I'm blogging from the keypad of one of the things right now! Now how do you spell "handsomest"? Is that right -- it looks funny.

At least two Florida Department of Transportation traffic signs - on West University Avenue and North Main Street - carried the warning: "ZOMBIE ATTACK!! EVACUATE." The sign on Main misspelled evacuate.

But the signs were a hoax. Someone had hacked the message on the signs, either by telephone or working directly at the signs themselves, FDOT spokeswoman Gina Busscher said.

"We've not seen any zombies on University Avenue," Busscher added, "so apparently it worked well. ... We've not had a problem like this before."

Oh damn -- I didn't know you could program these things by telephone! So what the hell am I doing standing out here in the middle of the median? I mean, besides flashing. That's no speed bump, lady!

Don't fear: Zombies are not near [gainsville]

Thanks to Kelly and Roy, who once hacked into the CIA mainframe a body up and threw it in the ocean.

Dec 23 2009 Be Safe, In Style: Fashionable Safety Vests

Safety vests are, by nature, garish. They're orange or bug-guts green and usually have some luminescent stripes to accentuate you not getting hit by a car. But that's what's important right? Safety. Same reason I won't blog without my crash helmet on.

Hi-Vis is a set of innovatively designed, highly-visible vest collection, specially designed for road side safety. Unlike usual roadworker's uniform like vests, the Hi-Vis collection comprises stylish sporting buttons, frills and collars that will effectively eliminate the shame of wearing them for the users. With its eye-soothing fluorescent green color along with fashionable black liner, these vests can easily become a selection for all motorists who is undergoing through an unfortunate break down. Other drivers can easily locate the wearer from enough distance that requires making a safe and perfect evade.

Effectively eliminating the shame of wearing one? You've got to be kidding me. Although honestly, I'd wear a giant pink dildo with sparklers on my head if it means not getting hit by a bus.

Hit the jump for some more safety couture.

Continue Reading " Be Safe, In Style: Fashionable Safety Vests "

Dec 22 2009 Somebody Sent Me A Christmas Card!

Geekologie Reader Brianna was kind enough to send me an online Christmas card this year. It's her and her family in a classic three four wolf moon pose (imagine the magic!). Now, I don't know if email stopped working or something, but I haven't gotten your card yet. I mean, you DID send one, right? Oh. Well if anybody else wants to make geek-themed cards feel free to and send me a tip with the link (you have to host it yourself somewhere) and I'll post them under the heading, "I Write All Year For You People And All I Got For Christmas Was Four Drawings Of The GW Banging Various Dinos". Which, God I'm getting misty eyed already. Just what I wanted.

Thanks Brianna, and happy holidays to you and yours. (Pass the eggnog)

Dec 22 2009 I'd Still Hit It: Venomous Raptor Discovered

So archaeologists recently discovered that Sinornithosaurus, a turkey-sized raptor that lived around 128 million years ago in modern China, was venomous and would paralyze its prey before OM NOM NOMing the shit out them with tens billions of razor sharp teeth.

"You're in the forest," says Burnham, part of a team that recently documented the beast's venomous abilities. "You can't really see what's behind you. ... You may hear something in the leaves, but by the time you turn around it's too late.

"It jumps on your back, embeds its teeth in your tissues and within a minute you're into toxic shock, and just lay helpless as this thing devours you."

No word on how they actually know it was venomous, but if I had to guess I'd say it was from watching Jurassic Park. Regardless, I'm gonna need to start building up my Sinornithosaurus venom immunity now. That way when I travel back in time....

"Oh no, a Sinornithosaur has bit me -- whatever will I do? Heavens, I think I'm being paralyzed." (Now's the time when I start acting all stiff and fall over). BOOM -- DINO GENITALS IN MY FACE!

Major discovery for KU researchers: 1st venomous raptor [ljworld]

Thanks to Mike D, Erica, Jason and ted, who all know what I like. I like turtles!

Dec 22 2009 I'd Drink It: Heineken Bottle Christmas Tree

This is a Christmas tree in China made out of a 1,000 Heineken bottles (looks like more to me, but what do I know -- I've been drinking) and some kind of armature to hold it all up. Probably not cake. But that would be great wouldn't it, beer and cake? I would dive right into that sucker. Which, true story, I'm going to do anyways.

*CRASH!*

The beer -- it's seeping into my all my cuts....this may have been my best idea yet!

Hit the jump for three more of the oh, yeah, I'm passing out.

Continue Reading " I'd Drink It: Heineken Bottle Christmas Tree "

Dec 22 2009 I NEEEEED THIS: The Triforce Of Awesome

This is an awesome Triforce t-shirt (I know it just looks like a design, but it's a design available on -- wait for it -- wait for -- a t-shirt -- in shimmery gold ink! AAAAAAAAAAHH I WANT IT ON ME! It was designed by artist Olly Moss for clothier Super Combo. Unfortunately, it's all sold out in every size except small. And, it's true my friends, I'm an XL. BUT ONLY CAUSE I HAVE BROAD-ASS SHOULDERS FROM YEARS OF SWIMMING WORKING ON THE RAILROAD. Choo choo, GW's coming! 'Spirit Tracks' tie-in? I'm counting it.

Product Site

Thanks to joe, who, wait -- where you going with that gun in your hand?

Dec 22 2009 The Roddler: Push Your Kids Around In Style

Let's face it, unless you're a woman, there's nothing worse than having a child. But at least now you can push the thing around in style thanks to the $2,000 Roddler. Geez, whatever happened to carrying them in a canvas bag?

With hot rod-styling and high-end materials, The Roddler just might be the world's coolest stroller. It features two rear and one front chrome wheels with fin-shaped fenders and white wall tires, color-matching brakes, wheel bullets, chassis, seat, and top, stainless steel hardware, chrome grips, an ultrasuede seat insert for comfort and carbon vinyl leatherette for the seat and top for added durability.

For an extra $500 you can get a model that transforms into a trike when your child is old enough to pedal. And speaking of old enough to pedal: psst -- over here, I got what you're looking for. Get it? Pedal/peddle. ONOMATOPOEIA!

The Roddler [uncrate]

Thanks to Matt, who I'll send to whip your monkey ass if you comment about me not knowing what onomatopoeia is. SNAP CRACKLE POP, BITCHES!

Dec 22 2009 Mother Calls 911 Over Son's Video Gaming

A Boston mother (think terrier, but human-er) recently called 911 on her 14-year old son after finding him playing video games at 2:30 one morning, long after she had told him to go to bed. Nice, but I would have just belted the shit out of him because I know good parenting.

Mejia's son - one of four children the 49-year-old is raising alone - was playing "Grand Theft Auto," an exceedingly violent video in which the gamer assumes the role of ladder-climbing criminal.

An argument ensued as Mejia unplugged her son's PlayStation. Then, this mad-as-hell mother dialed 911. Police responded and managed to talk the boy into shutting off the game and going to sleep.

Mejia said she approves of athletic-themed videos, but as for "Grand Theft Auto," she said, "I would never buy that kind of video. No way. I called (police) because if you don't respect your mother, what are you going to do in your life?"

"They (police) were just like, 'Chill out. Go to bed,' " the boy told the Herald.

Now listen here you little jerk -- you respect your mother. She's busting her ass to support you and three other children and you have to stay up Hot Coffee modding it (I'm on to you, pervert!) into the wee hours? You just be thankful I wasn't on duty to respond to that call. You ever been tazed and pepper sprayed and choked out with RGB cables simultaneously? It's not as kinky as it sounds.

The 911 on video game obsession [bostonherald]

Thanks to Lance, Space Kitten and Pete likes to party - Pete likes - Pete likes to party, who were respectful children but still managed to grow up and be delinquents.

Dec 22 2009 Haha!: Awesome Pacman Vs. Mario Cartoon

What would happen in a battle of Pacman vs. Mario? Would the dot-chomper gobble plumber ass, or would the Princess saver stomp the big yellow mouth like a Goomba? Watch to find out! Also, this may or may not be a Russian commercial for some kind of snack food product. Damnit Russian, who needs snacks when you have vodka?! And you wonder why you couldn't put a man on the moon.

Youtube

Thanks to A-lice in Wonderland, who, that's it I'm shaving my head.

Dec 22 2009 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Snuggie Thing

As is evident from the picture, there's just no way to look cool in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle snuggie. Sure I could do it, but I can also bend time with my mind. AND unhook bras -- both front and back closures.

Cuddle up with your favorite turtle! Stay nice 'n toasty while you reach for a pizza slice in this fleece blanket with sleeves and a Michelangelo body print. Ah, turtle power never felt so...soft!

Available from Hot Topic for $28, I kind of want one. BUT ONLY TO PROVE I WOULD STILL LOOK COOL IN IT. Also, this wizard robe is getting a little tattered. You know, FROM BATTLING SORCERERS AND KEEPING THE EARTH SAFE! You didn't know I did that, did you? Well I do. I do do that. *ZIPPITY ZAP!* See? That was me casting a safety spell. Well, technically, that was a fork in the microwave, but I could cast a safety spell if I wanted. Swear.

Product Site

Thanks to Alejandra, who's holding out for a Gargamel snuggie. Now you're talking!

Dec 22 2009 DIY!: Death Star And Darth Vader Blueprints

Want to build your own Death Star? What about a Vader mask or lightsaber? Well now you can thanks to these easy-to-follow (ease of following not guaranteed) Star Wars blueprints!

* Ever wondered what made up the Death Star?

* True detail and information for any fan!
* Must have for the library!

This incredible library of blueprint posters shows Star Wars locations like you've never seen them before! Whether it's a breakdown of the hyper drive system in the Millennium Falcon, or the complete floor plan of the Deathstar, these blueprints will impress and amaze any Star Wars fan. Blueprints come in a hardcover.

Hell yes I want a breakdown of the Millennium Falcon's hyperdrive system! I mean, how else am I gonna travel faster than light? Which, science fact: if you travel as fast as light you turn into light. OMG I wanna be a neon beer sign!

Product Site
via
Star Wars Blueprints Let Anyone Build A Death Star [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, whose gonna help me build a Death Star AND BLOW UP THE MOON. MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dec 21 2009 Lord Of The Rings Facebook Status Updates

Because I'm the L337357 blogger this side of Tar Valon ('Wheel of Time' series reference FTW!), I'm posting two Facebook related posts in a row. What can I say, I BLOG DEEP, SON! Anyway, these are Facebook status updates as written by the characters in Lord of the Rings (or somebody at College Humor). Whatever the case, I thought they were pretty cute. Granted, not as cute as the bustier I'm wearing, but I did buy myself a Victoria's Secret giftcard as an early Christmas present. And this little number is gonna look great on my floor later. Just sayin'!

Hit the jump for five more.

Continue Reading " Lord Of The Rings Facebook Status Updates "

Dec 21 2009 Boy Gets Revenge On Sister Via Facebook

Chris's sister Katie told on him for hiding beer in his room. So what did he do? He went through her room, found a list of people whose genitals she wants to play with, and posted it on Facebook with all her friends tagged. This is just the explanation of the note here, you have to hit the jump to see the actual thing (WARNING: possibly NSFW due to dirty words). Damn Chris, even as a guy whose done far worse to people, I've got to admit: that's pretty harsh. Now melt her face off with a Looftlighter!

Hit the jump for the actual note and her friends' reactions.

Continue Reading " Boy Gets Revenge On Sister Via Facebook "

Dec 21 2009 Video Of James May's Full Size LEGO House

Remember the full-size LEGO house that was built and then subsequently demolished (there are kids in Africa that have to play with dirt, GOD!)? Well the episode of James May's Toy Stories featuring the house finally aired, and this is part of it. I particularly liked the LEGO scrub brush/loofah. Cute, James, but I think I'll stick to exfoliating the good old fashioned way: with a gas-powered belt sander. Now, where'd I put that 60-grit?

James May's Lego House Finally Shown Being Lived In [gizmodo]

Thanks to Alice, who's seen me shave with a chainsaw before.

Dec 21 2009 Looftlighter: Because Matches Are So Archaic

The Looftlighter is an $80 incendiary device that never actually produces a flame. Instead, it produces a wave of hot air at 1,000° Fahrenheit. That's hot. Could you tell I was trying to say that like Paris Hilton? Well I hope you liked it, because I'm gonna go drown myself now.

Unfortunately, the Lofftlighter has to be plugged in, which means you're gonna need a monster extension cord if you wanna set your neighbor's mailbox on fire. But on the plus side, it does look like a curling iron so you can melt your sister's face off.

Start fires with hot air with the Looftlighter [dvice]

Dec 21 2009 I'd Play It: Oh No...Zombies!, The Board Game

Oh No...Zombies! is a real $22 board game created by Archie McPhee. It probably sucks, but if you buy it I promise to play it with you at least once. Also, Twister. Just a heads up though: I have three legs. *wink* Well, one's a penis.

It's come to this. You're trapped in the middle of nowhere inside a rundown shack surrounded by zombies. Your cell phone doesn't get reception and the land lines just emit a constant busy signal. Your only hope for survival is to get to one of the abandoned stores so you can get a battery for the CB radio in the shack and a shotgun to help you survive the trip back. Good luck with that. Includes spooky gameboard, fourteen 2" tall, plastic game pieces, thirty-four cards and three dice.

That doesn't really explain the gameplay much, so I'll take this opportunity to make it up. You set up your character pieces in the middle, with the zombies in the exterior circle. Then, you roll the dice, get bored, and go play XBox. Fun!

Hit the jump for a closeup of the board and game pieces.

Continue Reading " I'd Play It: Oh No...Zombies!, The Board Game "

Dec 21 2009 It's About Time: Rage Against The Machine Wins UK Number 1 Christmas Song Of 2009

Apparently the most recent winner of X-Factor (Britain's American Idol) is notorious for taking the #1 Christmas song spot on the charts. But this year, thanks to massive online campaigns on Twitter and Facebook created by Jon Morter, Rage Against the Machine's 17-year old classic, 'Killing In The Name' took the honor. God that song makes me want to swing my hips!

In recent years, it had become as predictable as elections in North Korea - singer wins X Factor, singer's debut single goes to No 1. So when Joe McElderry won the TV talent contest, he was no doubt confident he would celebrate Christmas at the top of the charts.

Killing In The Name, an expletive-heavy rock song first released in 1992 by the Californian rock band Rage Against the Machine, won the battle for Christmas top spot on the basis of downloads only. It sold about 500,000 copies last week, about 50,000 more than The Climb, McElderry's earnest ballad.

Have I ever told you I love Rage Against the Machine? I do. And not just because the name reminds me of braining my first robot with a lead pipe. No, the music meshes perfectly with my angst-filled personality. Ha, what do you mean I should probably go see a doctor about that? F*** YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!

Hit the jump for the official video of 'Killing In The Name', in case my awesome reference made no sense (you outta be ashamed!).

Continue Reading " It's About Time: Rage Against The Machine Wins UK Number 1 Christmas Song Of 2009 "

Dec 21 2009 A Real Life Russel From Pixar's 'Up'

I never saw 'Up' because I heard it was sad and, quite frankly, my life is sad enough. But if you did see the movie and were wondering what a real-life Russel would look like, your prayers have been answered. This: he would look like this. And, wait -- is that a Boyscout Cookie eating badge I see?

Picture

Thanks to sham, who once tied like forty helium balloons to a picnic table and dined in the sky.

Dec 21 2009 This Just In: HP Webcams Are Racist

So apparently HP webcams are racist and the facial-tracking software doesn't work on people of color. This may or may not include green people. To prove the point, two coworkers, Desi (a black man) and Wanda (a white woman) put the cam to the test. Per Desi:

As soon as White Wanda appears, the camera moves. Black Desi gets in there...uh -- nope! No face recognition any more buddy!

Damn HP, you sheisty bigots! And, not to start any wild rumors or anything, but I heard the built-in mic on MacBooks won't pick up your voice if you're Asian. You heard it here first! Unless Apple sues, in which case I copy/pasted it from another, less handsome blog.

is this hp webcam racist? [technabob]

Thanks to Zach, who's convinced almost all computer peripherals are racist in one way or another.

Dec 21 2009 Italian Google Street View: WTF IS THAT?!

No really, what the f*** is that?!

Google Maps (see for yourself)

Thanks to dr death, who, Jack Kevorkian reads Geekologie?!

Dec 21 2009 Very Clever: A Peek Inside Mario's Closet

This is what Mario's closet looks like as envisioned by artist Glen Brogan (slightly larger version if you touch THIS with your cursor and push the button). If you like it, you can go HERE to vote on getting it printed as a shirt. If you don't like it, you can go to hell.

I have a new T-shirt design up for voting at Splitreason. This one started out as a simple idea and turned into something a little more complex. When my designs go up for voting I always get the inevitable complaints (you just can't make everybody happy) but I sort of feel like I'm throwing myself to the wolves with this one. The reason being that I had to come up with rules for what I should and shouldn't include as part of Mario's wardrobe. I wanted to include as many of his power-ups as possible, but the main rule I had to follow was that I couldn't include things that actually transform Mario himself rather that just changing his wardrobe, like the Boo mushroom from Mario Galaxy that turns him into a ghost. So I've mentally prepared myself for the barage of "OMG WHY DIDNT U INCLUDE THIS 1 ON THERE U R DUM." I don't mind constructive critisicm, but sometimes it feels like people complain just to do it. If only they knew how much thought I actually put into these!

I didn't actually bother reading that because that's a hellaparagraph, but I've got to say: awesome job, Glen. But one thing -- why didn't you include Boo Mario? Seriously, and I was this close to voting for you.

Mario's Closet [albinoraven] (Glen Brogan's blog)

Thanks to Fran, who just wears whatever he did the night before.

Dec 20 2009 Condom Pillow Helps Prevent Nightmares (Babies And Penis Diseases)

Want a pillow that looks like a giant condom wrapper? Who doesn't? Handcrafted and silk screened by Etsy seller LittleElk, each $35 pillow actually comes with a little pocket for holding normal-size pecker protectors (or, in your case, XS). Just wait till you bring a woman home and she sees this thing. Boy are you gonna let her down! Kidding, kidding -- like you'd ever bring a woman home!

LittleElk's Etsy Page
via
Put a Giant Condom On Your Bed [gizmodo]

Dec 20 2009 Better Than The Movie: A 50-Minute Comedic Review Of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

WARING: Slightly NSFW due to crude language and dude's weird-ass voice.

This is a 50-minute comedic review of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace in seven parts. This is the first part, the other six I posted after the jump. It's undeniably and infinitely more entertaining than the movie and I suggest you watch every bit of it at work. I mean, it's the week before Christmas, nobody actually does anything. Except me because I have a little something I like to call a serious work ethic shock collar on. *ZZZZZT!!* Dammit you know that makes me lose my bowels!

Hit it for parts two through seven (at least watch the last 30 seconds of part 6, good stuff).

Continue Reading " Better Than The Movie: A 50-Minute Comedic Review Of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace "

Dec 20 2009 MUST HAVE!: This TNMT Shredder Hoodie

I can't believe it took so long for somebody to make one but 80's Tees has finally come to the rescue and is offering a $60 Shredder hoodie. And, if for some ungodly reason you don't know who Shredder is, you're dead to me. Sai to the neck!

This Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hoodie is based on the armor worn by Oroku Saki, better known as Shredder, the leader of the Foot Clan. The hoodie has spikes coming out of the arms and shoulder. It also has a half-mask that is formed by pulling the zipper all the way up. With the zipper full zipped and the hood on your eyes are the only thing that is visible.

I just ordered one, and let me tell you: I am gonna shred the eff out with that bitch on. I'm talking about breakdancing and shit. And don't even think about trying to rub my little spikey nipples because I will murder you. NOBODY TOUCHES THE SHRED-MASTER!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the awesome and another link to the product page.

Continue Reading " MUST HAVE!: This TNMT Shredder Hoodie "

Dec 20 2009 LOLWUT?!: A Special Power Glove Request

Some sexual deviant from Canada whose parents wouldn't buy him a Nintendo Power Glove for Christmas when he was a kid is dealing with the repressed trauma by requesting women play with his little thingy with the glove on. This is the Craigslist ad. And what do you mean "no nerds"? Who do you think you are, The Wizard? Also, I love how it's filed under "causal encounters", like having a girl come over, donning a F***ING POWER GLOVE and touching your penis is akin to meeting someone for coffee.

Craigslist

Thanks to Blastphemer, vikram and Samsquanch who all claim it wasn't them but I have my doubts.

Dec 19 2009 It's A Frap!: A Geek-Friendly Coffee Shop

This is a gallery of blackboard signs from a coffee shop in Beatsthehelloutofme, Insertstatehere. Everybody who works there must be some kind of geek because they all feature characters you're probably familiar with (plus Gary Busey, because he's f***ing insane). Anybody know where this is? Any chance of of a Geekologie-inspired board? May I suggest the Geekologie Writer's "PEW PEW!" Double Shot Espresso? Get it? PEW PEW/double shot?! God I slay me.

Hit the jump for a ton more including a heaping spoonful of Zelda-themes.

Continue Reading " It's A Frap!: A Geek-Friendly Coffee Shop "

Dec 19 2009 Sure, Why Not? Oh Right, The Police: Guy Attaches Rocket Launchers To Motorcycle

NOTE: Due to quality video editing, it takes a couple seconds for the picture to kick in.

I'm pretty sure he's just shooting model rocket engines, but whatever, this guy attached some button operated rocket launchers to the sides of his motorcycle. Why? I honestly don't know. Probably not a good reason though. The first 0:45 are dude talking nonsense, the pew pews start after that with the best being at 1:00 when a rocket bounces off a wall and almost hits him. Now that would've been cool. As it stands, video is a 3.5/10 and I regret posting it.

Youtube

Thanks to d_mc, Jimmy and deadbodyman, who shoot RPG's from their motorcycles because, well, they might be terrorists.

Dec 19 2009 Spoiler Alert!: Avatar The Movie In Five Panels

NOTE: No real spoilers.

Thinking about going to see Avatar this weekend but don't feel up to climbing the basement stairs? I'm with you. Thankfully, this five-panel comic sums up the entire movie. BOOM, just saved you $10! Don't worry, no need to thank me. Well, there is something you can do (call the house line and ask my mom to drop another Lean Cuisine down the laundry chute).

Avatar Summary [comixed]

Thanks to Nathan, who promised not to tell anybody I went to see New Moon again instead.

Dec 19 2009 FYI: Why You Don't Make Your Own Love Doll

Listen, just buy one. Sure she'll eventually pop, but it's better than explaining this thing to your parents when they come home from vacation early. Although admittedly, the Covergirl face is a nice touch. The one breast not so much. YOU HAVE TO BE GENTLE!

Hit the jump for the uncensored version, which may or may not have a zombie hand for a vagina. WARNING: IMAGE CANNOT BE UNSEEN.

Continue Reading " FYI: Why You Don't Make Your Own Love Doll "

Dec 18 2009 Crazy-Ass (And Expensive) Star Wars Hats

Looking for a crazy-ass Star Wars hat to accentuate that lovely mug of yours? Well you're in luck, because Japanese hat manufacturer New Era just dropped a line of dome-pieces fresher than really f***ing green bananas.

What makes New Era's Star Wars caps so unique is the fact that each appears to be a separate work of art -- the cap itself exhibits stunning wrap-around graphics and is made from a variety of materials, and the underside of the bill showcases imagery related to the cap's overall theme, be it R2-D2, Yoda, Chewbacca, or Boba Fett.

If you've got a friend living in Japan, now might be the time to call in that favor, or drop some heavy-handed hints for the holidays. Be prepared, though -- these babies don't come cheap. Ranging in price from ¥6,090 ($69) to ¥9,240 ($105), you'll be wearing quite a bounty on your head.

Admittedly the Chewie hat with mad-bomber flaps is pretty cool, but $69 to $105? I'd be afraid to wear it. And I'm not afraid to do anything besides sleep without my ass to a wall!

Product Site (check out Han in carbonite, second row, last hat)
via
New Era for Star Wars Caps [starwars.com]

Thanks to Eli, Paulo, Danny and Fritz, who don't wear hats because their brains need to breathe.

Dec 18 2009 Modern Heroes: Man Takes iMac Into Panera Bread, Proceeds To Play World Of Warcraft

For those of you not in the know, Panera Bread is a fast-casual (don't blame me, I didn't make up the term) restaurant chain that offers free Wi-Fi to patrons. And this geezer is making the most of it -- he brought his whole iMac into the restaurant and began playing World of Warcraft! GO GRANDPA! Seriously, I'm calling the police -- we closed an hour ago.

Hit the jump for one more shot.

Continue Reading " Modern Heroes: Man Takes iMac Into Panera Bread, Proceeds To Play World Of Warcraft "

Dec 18 2009 I Feel So Insignificant, Hold Me: A Video Of The Known Universe (SPOILER: It's Huuuge)

Have you ever gotten really stoned and thought about how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of the universe? I mean, sure God watches us like his little pets, but how many other planets and galaxies of pets does he have out there? Also, where did you get this weed? This is some good-ass weed! Where was I? Right -- we should totally make Rice Crispy Treats but with Cocoa Pebbles and Golden Grahams instead of Rice Crispies. *high five!* Now get on that.

Humbling video: The Known Universe makes you feel like a speck [dvice]

Dec 18 2009 It Does Feel Like Hoth: Star Wars Weather

Star Wars Weather is a website by Tom Scott that gives the current forecast in your area in reference to a planet in the Star Wars universe. For instance, where I am now it's cold as shit and miserable as hell, just like Hoth! And in case you can't read the fine print it says, "you may have to climb inside a tauntaun for warmth". HA! Can you ever mention Hoth without making a tauntaun reference? Because I can. One time on Hoth I dry-humped a Wompa because I couldn't find any loose AT-AT's. TAUNTAUN TAUNTAUN TAUNTAUN! Okay, so it's harder than I thought.

Star Wars Weather

Thanks to deadbodyman, who obviously couldn't find a tauntaun in time. (I give up)

Dec 18 2009 Itsa Me, Mario! Now Why Am I In A Petri Dish?

This is a picture of Mario that was created in a petri dish at the University of Osaka in Japan. It's proof positive that the cure for cancer is just around the corner. So, how do you create a picture of Mario in a petri dish? It ain't paint by numbers! (It might actually be paint by numbers).

By genetically engineering bacteria to express fluorescent proteins and carotenoid pigments.

Oh-ho! So now you know. Reminds me of when i used to get my agarose gel electrophoresis on back in the day. You know what I'm talkin' about? I'm talking DNA. Dynamic nuclear acetates. What? Don't question me, I AM science!

Mario Recreated In Petri Dish [kotaku]

Thanks to Ford, who may or may not rock one of those stickers of Calvin pissing on the Chevy emblem.

Dec 18 2009 'Tis The Season: For Makin' Love In Front Of The Fire A Christmas Light Covered Truck?

Iowan (someone from Iowa, that wasn't word wizardry) Kris Marshall covers his truck with around 3,000 Christmas lights and supplies them with power via gas powered generator in the bed. And let me tell you: if you've got a gas-powered generator in your bed, the sex toys are getting out of hand got out of hand a long time ago.

"It's totally illegal and almost all the cops are cool with that. Almost all... some of them don't get it. Last night I met two cops in four minutes and they just smiled. I think I've got most of them trained."

With the exception of a few tickets for illegal use of lights, the only other downside to The Christmas Truck is when one of his sons decides to use it for a date.

"If you're picking up your girlfriend in the Christmas truck and she's not expecting the Christmas Truck that can be a dealbreaker."

What in the -- what kind of woman wouldn't want to ride in the Christmas Truck? I mean, besides the ones with any taste or decency. Or teeth. Come on, we are talking Iowa here (do meat and potatoes rot teeth?).

Hit the jump for several more shots of the holiday spirit.

Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: For Makin' Love In Front Of The Fire A Christmas Light Covered Truck? "

Dec 18 2009 WTF Did I Just Watch?: Zelda Theme On Tesla Coils With Link Strange Man (Ingo?) In The Middle Weilding Master Swords Tubes

How can you look at that preview and NOT watch the video? You'd have to be out of your mind. Or unable to watch videos at work. You know, that might be something you want to consider before taking your next job. Which, funny story: you're fired.

Youtube

Thanks to Camolai, who claims she beat Zelda II but I suspect she's lying just to make me jealous (you better be!)

Dec 18 2009 Keystick Keyboard Folds Out From A Stick

The Keystick is a keyboard that folds into a stick when not in use for ease of transport and beating people. It was designed by Yoonsang Kim & Eunsung Park and I hope you know when I say it folds into a stick that that it's more like a ruler and less like a tree branch. Just so we're clear on that. Also, if I tell you I'm good in bed I actually mean I can sleep through the night without waking up and crying. God, I'm too honest. And good in bed.

Hit the jump for several more shots of the confused peripheral.

Continue Reading " Keystick Keyboard Folds Out From A Stick "

Dec 18 2009 All Of Them!: A What Beer To Drink Flowchart

From the same maker of the fast food and breakfast cereal flowcharts comes the "What Beer Should I Drink?" edition (slightly larger version HERE). Of course if you're me, the decision is much simpler: all the fallen soldiers from the night before. Don't worry guys, GW to the rescue! *glug glug glug* Mmmm, a cigarette butt!

What Should I Drink? Beer Edition (Flowchart) [eatingtheroad]

Thanks to Charles, who drinks whatever he can before the employees at the grocery store catch him huddled in the corner of the beer cave.

Dec 18 2009 I Demand Privacy: Anti-Street View Shirt

Tired of the Google Street View van catching you soliciting yourself on the corner? Tired of explaining to your wife who the man you were photographed with was? Enter the Anti-Google Street View shirt. Available for $12 (bumper sticker for $5), the shirt guarantees privacy from the prying lens of the Street View van. Plus, maybe you can sue them if they don't remove the image. Or, I dunno, cry like a giant crybaby (your parents are so embarrassed).

Product Site
via
Wear This To Avoid Getting Busted By The Googlevan [nerdapproved]

Thanks to James and Closet Nerd, who let Google know they can't be photographed WITH THEIR FISTS.

Dec 17 2009 I Want Babies!: Weaponized/Armored Strollers

Have you ever seen a better reason to have children? I haven't. These strollers, designed by Chinese artist Shi Jinsong, are just the thing to give your little tyke a head start on surviving the zombie/robotic apocalypses. Which, according to my calculations, may actually take place simultaneously. What does that mean to you? Holy f***ing shit.

Hit the jump for another shot of this one and another badass carriage that I would in no way, shape or form be ashamed to be pushed around in.

Continue Reading " I Want Babies!: Weaponized/Armored Strollers "

Dec 17 2009 The (Not So) Super Lives Of Superheroes

This is a little gallery of superheroes in not-so-super situations brought to us by Super Not So Super. For example, this is Batman reading the foreclosure notice on his mansion/batcave. Also, his costume looks like shit. You know, I was so inspired by these superheroes doing ordinary-folk things that I decided to post a picture of myself picking up after my dog. You know, so you could see I'm just a regular guy like you. Unfortunately, neither the butler nor the maid could figure out which setting on the camera to use to best capture my BURNING LASER VISION. But don't worry, next time I'll get the gimp to do it.

Hit the jump for several more, including Catwoman and The Flash.

Continue Reading " The (Not So) Super Lives Of Superheroes "

Dec 17 2009 Google Street View Captures Party In Canada

Hell yeah Canada knows how to party! Now I know a lot of you Canadian readers are always telling me what a great time it is up there and how I should come drink all your beer, but up until now I honestly thought you were just gonna kill me and toss my body in a snow bank. I was wrong, you folks really do know how to party it up! (I can be there in 22 hours)

Hit the jump for a zoomier shot of the portly tailgater.

Continue Reading " Google Street View Captures Party In Canada "

Dec 17 2009 Techno Song Made With Actual Jeep Noises

This is a video of an old Jeep Cherokee being used to make a song by combining all the different sounds it can make (trying to start, locking/unlocking doors, door ajar alarm, etc). It is highly impressive/unbelievable.

The sounds in this video are ACTUAL sounds from the Jeep. Everyone began rehearsing their parts 2 weeks before we shot the video. It took us 7 hours of filming to get a solid take. Enjoy!

The song starts off kind of slow but really picks up around 1:00, so go ahead and skip to there if you don't have much time. And, if you really don't, how about including me in the will?

Youtube

Thanks to naas and STEPHENORUS, whose cars only go tsssssssssss because I'm letting the air out of their tires.

Dec 17 2009 Non-Evolution Of The Playstation Controller

OMG, Darwin is rolling in his grave!

Non-Evolution of Playstation's Game Controller [autourduncafe]

Thanks to Reaves, who, based on his intelligence and slight frame, likely evolved from a geek god.

Dec 17 2009 Cleanup In Aisle 4: A Grocery Shopping Robot

I don't know if you could tell by the title but I was implying that I would tear that robotic bastard limb from limb right there in aisle four between the baby food and Maxi-Pads. Ain't no robot handling these eggs!

The robotic assistant -- an advanced version of the Robovie-II android developed by Advanced Telecommunications Research Institute International (ATR) -- is the centerpiece of a networked system of robots, sensors and digital technology designed to make shopping more convenient and entertaining for the elderly.

In the video above, which shows part of a test conducted on December 10, the child-sized robot accompanies a 67-year-old woman while she shops for mandarin oranges and broccoli. In addition to carrying the woman's shopping basket, the robot reminds her to get the mandarin oranges, recommends the apples (which the robot says are delicious this season), reminds her to get the broccoli, and suggests including lettuce in her salad along with the broccoli. On several occasions, the robot remarks on how delicious the items look.

That's ridiculous. Who the hell's gonna buy something BECAUSE A FREAKIN' ROBOT TELLS YOU IT LOOKS DELICIOUS? Oh, right. DAMNIT OLD PEOPLE! I hope you like drain cleaner in your cereal.

Hit the jump for the video of the poisoner in action.

Continue Reading " Cleanup In Aisle 4: A Grocery Shopping Robot "

Dec 17 2009 Snow Sled + Shorts = Ninja Turtle Ass?

Snow Shorts are a pair of shorts that have a sled bottom so you can sail down snowy hills without lugging an annoying-ass sled everywhere you go. Also, I want it to be noted that Raphael there is doing it horribly, horribly wrong.

You won't have to worry about carrying your sled up the hill again and again because the sled is now your butt. Yes, it's a wearable sled! Just wear the snow shorts over your pants and get your butt on that snow. It comes in 3 sizes: small kids, big kids, and adult for $35.

Now I hate to brag about my sextacular proportions, but I'm definitely gonna have to wear a big kids size on each buttcheek. Now I know what you're thinking, and since I'm a kind and generous wizard, I'll answer: custom toilet.

Snow Shorts with a built-in Butt-Sled [slipperybrick]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who agrees a little non-caloric silicon-based kitchen lubricant on the bottom of that thing and you're ready to set a land-speed record.

Dec 17 2009 Nice: Blowing Up Toy Cars In Slow Motion

Remember when you were a kid and first discovered the magic that is blowing shit up with fireworks? Good times. Well this is a video of somebody blowing up toy cars in slow motion. It kind of reminded me of the time I shoved a firework down the back of a friend's pants because we were arguing, but with less rectal-reconstructive surgery. Not even kidding, you don't wanna mess with me.

Youtube

Thanks to Jeremiah, who was a bullfrog and whose wine I would help him drink. Also, 'Ode to Joy' is playing during the video and that was a 'Joy to the World' reference. Deeper than the Marianas, I know.

Dec 17 2009 Man Builds Himself A Steampunk Camera

Howard Boys (that's the guy's name, not like the Hardy Boys) went and made himself a functional steampunk camera. This is it. It looks old and takes pictures. Just like your grandparents on vacation!

Howard Boys took things old school with this camera that he created himself out of soldered brass. Howard purchased the lens and the shutter and built the rest.

Nice, Howard -- or should I call you Mr. Boys? Yeah, that's pretty creepy, I'm gonna stick with Howard. Well, Howard, not to toot my own horn develop my own film or anything, but one time I made a camera out of a Quaker Oats canister. So, who's the master photographer now? Just sayin', I wasn't arrested during that Victoria's Secret catalog shoot for no reason.

Steampunk Camera: Guy Builds Own Camera Body [uberreview]

Dec 17 2009 BEEP BOOP BUZZ: R2-D2 And All His Tools

R2-D2, best known for having to put up with that whiny gold asshole all the time, is actually a pretty handy little droid to have around. He can pick locks, shock people, and even launch a lightsaber to you when you're about to be fed to a Sarlacc. Plus the guy knows how to party (suck it, Bender!).

This hand-painted 1:6 scale representation of R2-D2 comes with 8 accessories, including a periscope scanner, mechanical gripper, and utility saw. As you can see you can stick them on Artoo's head or on his chest. You can pre-order the limited edition R2-D2 statue at the Star Wars Shop for $149 (USD). Unfortunately Artoo won't make it in time for Christmas; orders won't be shipped until June next year.

I kind of want one. Is that wrong? Because if it is I don't wanna be right. Wait, yes I do. I always want to be right. TOO BAD I'M LEFT. Oh -- oh -- incoming novelty t-shirt idea!: "Southpaws don't have to do it right". I'd buy one (read: you'd send me one for free). Somebody, run with it! *CRASH* Aaaaaand you should have looked both ways.

r2-d2 statue armed with all of the tools an astromech needs [technabob]

Dec 16 2009 Google Street View: No -- NO -- HE CAN'T BE

Ah, the nation's capital: where even a mustard sweater and your pants around your ankles about to shit on the sidewalk doesn't warrant a second look by anybody but a pervert in a green hat.

Hit the jump for a zoomier picture if you're really sick.

Continue Reading " Google Street View: No -- NO -- HE CAN'T BE "

Dec 16 2009 Compressed Air Makes For "Better" Mousetrap

We've already seen a couple different approaches to improving the mousetrap here on Geekologie, both of which were questionable at best. And here comes another! God, just zappity-zap those bitches with laser vision like a normal damn person.

Built by a bloke called Jake Easton, the trap is housed in a beautifully designed, shiny, aluminum case. It works using a combination of complex series of solenoids, electronic control circuitry and a heavy-duty pneumatic actuator. The 40 to 60 PSI of compressed air can deliver a death blow of 102 pounds to the pesky rodent.

I thought the whole appeal of those cheap-ass, spring-loaded joints was that you could throw the whole damn thing away afterward and you didn't have to mess with the dead mouse. Also, that they don't require being hooked up to a compressor. But what do I know about product design? I'm just the guy that invented the yellow lines that show up when you watch football games on television. I'm so rich it's sick. Still, for $100 I'll trip this thing with my wang.

Acme mousetrap uses compressed air to splat furries [dvice]

Thanks to maria, who disposes of rodents the old fashioned way: by hiring a hitman. No, not pest control, an actual guy with a gun. Brutal!

Dec 16 2009 Memories: Kurt Cobain Playing With A Kitty

For all you OLD lovers out there, I've got the feeling this photo is at LEAST 15 years late, but -- Jesus, has it already been 15 years? Feels like it was just yesterday.

Hit the jump for another shot of Kurt and another, little-er kitty.

Continue Reading " Memories: Kurt Cobain Playing With A Kitty "

Dec 16 2009 Looks Cold: LEGO Star Wars On Hoth

This is a little gallery of LEGO Star Wars scenes on the planet Hoth created by skilled LEGO player-wither (this word wizardry is getting out of control!) Avanaut. And allegedly there was no Photoshoppery involved either. So I can only assume Avanaut knows a little bit about magic himself. Just imagine if we combined our powers! We could, uh, shit I got nothing.

Hit the jump for two more and another link to Avanaut's Flickr page with even more of the impressive action.

Continue Reading " Looks Cold: LEGO Star Wars On Hoth "

Dec 16 2009 Shocking News: Geeks Scare Women Away From Pursuing Careers In Computer Science

In news that shouldn't surprise anyone, not even my grandma (who thinks computers are fancy televisions from the future), a recent study has found that the geek stereotype keeps women from pursuing careers in computer science.

"When people think of computer science, the image that immediately pops into many of their minds is of the computer geek surrounded by such things as computer games, science-fiction memorabilia and junk food," said lead researcher Sapna Cheryan, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Washington. "That stereotype doesn't appeal to many women who don't like the portrait of masculinity that it evokes."

Not only are women missing out on some of the "best career opportunities, but computer science is missing out on female perspectives," Cheryan and her colleagues wrote in a recent issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Well I can't say that I'm surprised. But I can say this explains why the lot of you haven't had any contact with women since going off to college (shoot for a studio art degree).

Hit the link for more info on how the study was conducted. You know, if you're bored.

Geeks drive girls out of computer science [msnbc]

Thanks to FDSY, who only drives women out of the locker room.

Dec 16 2009 No Two Snowflakes Are Alike, But They Do Fall Into Categories, Also, My Open Mouth!

I'm sure you already knew that no two snowflakes are alike, but did you know most women's breasts are different sizes too? I know, I can't believe it either! Anyway, this is a chart used to classify which shape category a snowflake falls into. I posted a bunch for reference after the jump, but go to the Snowcrystals Guide Page to see examples of every kind. Then, get out there and pack a whole bunch of them into a ball. But you better not pack a big rock in the middle! (handful of gravel = more shrapnel)

Hit the jump for a bunch of flakes.

Continue Reading " No Two Snowflakes Are Alike, But They Do Fall Into Categories, Also, My Open Mouth! "

Dec 16 2009 Teenage Mutant Ninja Dogs Coming Soon

Apparently some teenage mutant ninja dog (TMND) action is right around the corner for Yekaterinburg, Russia, thanks to a pack of wild canines munching radioactive goo. But it makes me feel so strong!

The strays, thought to be former guard dogs, are said to scavenge for food at a tip on the outskirts of Yekaterinburg city.

"I go past those dogs every day," Alexei Bukharovsky said. "They are usually reddish... but then I saw, running along the white snow, an almost completely emerald dog."

A police spokesman told local news service RIA Novosti that it is thought to be the result of illegal tipping."Either local residents or a factory have been dumping some kind of chemical waste there," the spokesman said.

The council has been asked to clean up the site.

"The council has been asked to clean up the site". Haha, that's great cause it's not gonna happen. You can't just ask councils to do things, you have to strong arm/threaten/blackmail them to do things. *waving laser blaster* Isn't that right, city council? I want those potholes in front of my house patched before noon. Also -- a handicapped parking pass, make it happen.

Wild Dogs Turn Green From 'Toxic Waste' [yahoonews]

Thanks to Gregatron, who once called Megatron a little bitch and then turned into the back of a hand and slapped him.

Dec 16 2009 What If Earth Had Rings Like Saturn (Spoiler: It Would Be Freakin' Sweet, That's What)

This is a little video showing what earth would look like if it had rings like Saturn. The first minute explains the orientation of the rings, and the next two show what the rings would look like from different cities around the world. It's pretty awesome. So awesome, in fact, I just wrote a petition to God asking for our own rings. I'll let you know what he says.

UPDATE: He said no, but I'm still the handsomest man he ever made. You can't argue with the Creator!

Imaging Earth with Saturn's rings [kottke]

Thanks to twellve, who agrees if Saturn gets rings it's only fair we should have some too.

Dec 16 2009 Doing It Wrong: Flasher Hit By Flashed Car

A female flasher who was showing motorists her own airbags (metaphorical magic!) ended up distracting one virgin so badly he ran over her. AAAAAAAHHH BOOOOOBIES!!

Cherelle Dudfield, 18, rolled over the car's bonnet and hit the windscreen but escaped serious injury.

The New Zealand teenager was later arrested and has now admitted disorderly behaviour. She said she was egged on by a friend to flash her breasts while standing in the middle of a road in Invercargill on New Zealand's South Island in September.

Judge David Holderness called her actions dangerous, adding that she was lucky not to have been badly hurt. She was fined £120 (~$195)

Damn, hit by a car AND charged almost $200. This reminds me of the time I pulled over on the highway to relieve myself and caused the lunar lander to crash. I already told you NASA, I'm not paying!

Flash crash teen knocked over [thesun]

Thanks to Andrew MacGregor, who once flashed his junk on an overpass and got a thumbs down from two motorists in a row.

Dec 16 2009 Modern Warfare 2 Ghost Inspired Balaclavas

I can never see the word "balaclava" without thinking baklava, which is totally different but infinitely more delicious and arguably my favorite dessert. Now I know what you're thinking, "but GW, I don't care what your favorite dessert is". But you know what? It's too f***ing late. Anyway, if you want a BALACLAVA inspired by the one Ghost wears in 'Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2' now you can buy them in blue, green and red for ~$21 a pop. And, in case you couldn't tell, there are other video game/movie inspired bank-robbery aids on the way as well. Plus, the company is run by a loyal Geekologie Reader who told me things about myself even I didn't know. It was therapeutic. Like crying in the bathtub, but without the aromatic candles.

Product Site

Thanks to Jamie, who may or may not be a Tarot reader.

Dec 15 2009 Border Security Puts Bullets In Girl's MacBook

Some girl was on her way to Jerusalem to see where Jesus grew up and hang out with some friends but got the 3rd degree (like burns!) from Israel border security, who ultimately decided the only way in was with three bullets in her Mac. *pew pew pew* goes border security!

I went inside to check on my bag. I had left it unattended, where they instructed. It was still there so I went back outside.

Moments later a man came outside and introduced himself as the manager on duty. And then, "I'm sorry but we had to blow up your laptop. "

After much yelling, crying and frantic phone dialing (don't be alarmed if I called you repeatedly this morning), he took me outside to see the wreckage. It turned out it hadn't been quite blown up, but rather shot through with three bullets. We were able to extract the hard drive, seemingly unscaved. Thank goodness...

Apparently girl is supposed to be compensated for the laptop but I wouldn't hold my breath for the money to arrive. Also, I want it to be known that if any security guard gets all trigger happy with my laptop he's gonna have some serious trouble on his hands. Namely, potential lead and mercury poisoning. They'll get ya.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the carnage.

Continue Reading " Border Security Puts Bullets In Girl's MacBook "

Dec 15 2009 But What About Candy?: A New Food Chain

Allegedly this is the new food chain. Of course, I call bullshit because anybody in their right mind who's ever been abducted by aliens knows they don't eat people. Jam Blu-Ray players up their asses, sure, but not eat. Now if you replaced the aliens with robots, then maybe you'd -- oh....yeah -- make me shit myself.

Ultimate Food Chain [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Jan, who is at the tip top of the food chain because the dude will eat anything.

Dec 15 2009 OLD!: 1970's Stop-Motion LEGO Commercial

This is an old LEGO commercial from Britain. I mostly posted it because I love LEGO and all things OLD, but also because I couldn't understand a word the guy said and I could smell his teeth from here.

Cool British LEGO advert from the 1970s [forevergeek]

Thanks to Melissa, who agrees Tommy Cooper, while moderately funny at times, was a monster dick in real life. Reminds me of myself! (minus the funny)

Dec 15 2009 Forget Not Where Thy Petrol Floweth From

This is a little funny cartoon. Funny in a sad way. Like watching an old lady with a flowery hat on trying to open the door to the thrift store even though the sign clearly states, "Closed on Sundays".

The Chive

Thanks to Captain_O!, who drives an electric car because electricity comes from dead witches.

Dec 15 2009 I'm On It!: Make Up A Funny/Sob Story About How You Lost Your Data And Win Bacon!

As part of a campaign promoting Norton Online Backup, Norton is running a contest giving away free bacon-of-the-month memberships simply for lying your ass off and making up a story about losing important computer data. Piece of cake bacon. The rules:

1) You tell us your data-loss horror stories - like that time you actually lost your Macbook to a pack of rabid squirrels - and how you either used online backup or wish you had. (Everyone who enters gets a free trial subscription to Norton Online Backup)

2) We review your submissions, maybe laugh at your foolishness or cry at your misfortune. Then we pick our favorites to be featured each week. For your entry to be featured, you must include either a photo, a link to a video or an awesome cartoon depicting what went down (but it's not a requirement to enter the contest drawing).

3) We promise not to cheat while randomly choosing 12 grand prize winners, split between two drawings -- first in January and then in March. The luckiest of the lucky will receive a one year delicious gourmet bacon-of-the-month club subscription (or, for our vegetarian friends, the cash equivalent). They'll also get bacon soap, bacon dental floss, bacon lip balm, bacon mints and, of course, a one year free subscription to Norton Online Backup 25GB.

So check it -- one time I was using my laptop to watch porno physics lectures on the city bus when the bus driver passed out from heroin. Like any good looking Samaritan, I took the wheel before realizing IF THE SPEED DROPPED BELOW 55MPH RUSSIA WOULD FIRE NUKES AT THE MOON! To save the Mooninites I sped up, hit a ramp, skipped the bus across the Atlantic, AND THEN CRASHED THAT BITCH RIGHT INTO THE KREMLIN! At some point during all this, somebody stole my computer. Also, I may have hit Big Ben instead of the Kremlin. Goodbye moon! (where's my bacon?)

Norton Saved My Bacon

Thanks to Cantara, who agrees there should be more bacon-related contests.

Dec 15 2009 It's All Bubbly!: A Diagram Of Geek Culture

This is a diagram of geek culture created by illustrator Julianna Brion. This version is kinda small though so hit this button right CHEER to see it in it's full-blown glory. I thought it was pretty neat. Although, admittedly, I was more than a little disappointed to not see 'Geekologie Writer' listed as a geek idol. Kidding -- my dog doesn't even idolize me AND I CAN EAT PEOPLE FOOD WHENEVER I WANT.

Geek map [juliannabrion]

Thanks to The Phat Fat Man, who is both awesome and robust.

Dec 15 2009 Humongous 'Finish Him' Mortal Kombat Tattoo

Wow, that's really....something. But who am I to judge? I'm just a man with a giant Bubble Bobble level on his back. Which, for the record, WOULD FATALITY THE SHIT OUT OF THAT TATTOO. Toasty!

Picture [azizisbored]

Thanks to Gavin, who has a giant Raiden on his back and can make it storm just by flexing.

Dec 15 2009 OMG: Fan-Made Feature Length Zelda Movie

Remember when IGN made a fake Zelda trailer as an April Fools joke? That was some cruel shit. But now a group of Zelda fans (myself excluded) went and made a feature length (1 hour and 48 minutes!!) movie called 'The Hero Of Time'. This is just the trailer here, but the whole thing is posted after the jump. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "watching a 2 hour movie on the clock", you are! *high five!* Not you, the man -- we're sticking it to you!

Hit the jump for the full-length feature. And bring popcorn.

Continue Reading " OMG: Fan-Made Feature Length Zelda Movie "

Dec 15 2009 Eye Poison: Viruses As Glass Sculptures

Luke Jerram is an artist who makes glass sculptures of diseases (that's HIV there) to shed some light on the fact that most diseases, despite what you may have seen in textbooks, are actually clear and not the psychedelic tendrilled blobs of death you previously thought. Yeah? Well I never thought that! (They're not little wizards that live inside you?)

These transparent glass sculptures were created to contemplate the global impact of each disease and to consider how the artificial colouring of scientific imagery affects our understanding of phenomena. Jerram is exploring the tension between the artworks' beauty and what they represent, their impact on humanity.

The question of pseudo-colouring in biomedicine and its use for science communicative purposes, is a vast and complex subject. If some images are coloured for scientific purposes, and others altered simply for aesthetic reasons, how can a viewer tell the difference? How many people believe viruses are brightly coloured? Are there any colour conventions and what kind of 'presence' do pseudocoloured images have that 'naturally' coloured specimens don't?

Interesting thought, Luke, I suggest we stage an anti-pseudocoloring protest. Don't worry, I'll take care of all the catchy slogans. "WE DON'T WANT VIRUSES, WE WANT PIRATE-SES!" Well, what do you think? Yeah, I forgot what we were protesting.

Hit the jump for several more viruses (see filename for which virus) along with a video of the HIV being made. And you thought it was monkeys!

Continue Reading " Eye Poison: Viruses As Glass Sculptures "

Dec 15 2009 Oooh, I Like: Strongbad Christmas Ornaments

Lovely (and skilled) Geekologie Reader AverageGeekGirl went and made a little set of Strongbad Christmas ornaments for the holidays. For those of you whose parents just signed up for high-speed internet today, that's Trogdor (The Burninator), Strongbad and The Cheat. Now I don't think they're cookies, but I would definitely still nibble Trogdor anyways. Just look at that arm -- so strong.

Picture

Thanks to AverageGeekGirl, who better keep an eye on Trogdor lest he burn down the tree. And no tree = no Christmas. Santa's rules.

Dec 14 2009 Important Questions: What If That Iconic Star Wars Bounty Hunter Was Actually A Lady?

Would she look like this? Admittedly, at first I thought this was a ninja turtle with its shell on backwards, but then I spotted the helmet. Buzz Lightyear, right? I jest! Boob-a Fett. Also, what in the hell's that green thing standing behind you? Because I just put a $6 bounty on its head! *pew pew* Juuuuuust kidding! Nice shot though.

Picture

Thanks to russ, who admitted he'd let himself be hunted if it meant spending the night with Fett. Unfortunately it doesn't, russ, just being shot.

Dec 14 2009 Custom Mario-Themed Christmas Ornaments

Remember skilled sculptor (and handsome Geekologie Reader) Kalapusa's Piranha Plant garden sculpture? Well now the man behind the pipe-dwelling plant is back at it, this time with a trio of Christmas ornaments. In case you can't tell what they are because you don't know anything about the Mario universe, they are (from left to right): Dig-Dug, Kid Icarus and a Metroid. Haha, if you don't know you don't deserve to! The blue shell and mushroom already sold on eBay ( and HERE) for $108 and $76, respectively, but the Goomba is still available if you're interested (HERE, for the next two hours). Me? I'm interested in investing in gold. Those commercialsHERE are convincing!

Hit the jump for a closeup of each and a link to Kalupusa's deviantART page.

Continue Reading " Custom Mario-Themed Christmas Ornaments "

Dec 14 2009 Octopuses Are Smart, Arguably Delicious

This is a video of a crazy-ass veined octopus (Amphioctopus marginatus) running around carrying a coconut shell so it can climb into it whenever it feels like playing hide and seek with Spongebob and the rest of the gang.

The octopuses eventually use the shells as a protective shelter. If they just have one half, they simply turn it over and hide underneath. But if they are lucky enough to have retrieved two halves, they assemble them back into the original closed coconut form and sneak inside.

Tool use was once thought to be an exclusively human skill, but this behaviour has now been observed in a growing list of primates, mammals and birds.

The researchers say their study suggests that these coconut-grabbing octopuses should now be added to these ranks.

ZOMG -- could you imagine snorkling around at the beach when an octopus comes up and grabs your coconuts?! My God I bet all those arms feel good.

Octopus snatches coconut and runs [bbcnews]
and
Coconut-carrying octopus [museumvictoria]

Thanks to Turbo the Mechanical Ape and Crimsonfox, who

Dec 14 2009 WTF? NO!: Robotic Doppelgangers For Sale

Damnit, Japan -- and just last post I was singing your praises about your breakthrough in upskirting technology AND NOW YOU HAVE TO GO AND RUIN IT. This hurts, Japan. This really hurts. DON'T TRY TO HUG ME.

The mechanical doppelgangers are available for a limited time as part of a special New Year's promotional sale at Sogo, Seibu, and Robinson's department stores. They will be built by Japanese robotics firm Kokoro, which is perhaps best known for its line of Actroid receptionist humanoids.

In addition to providing the robot with the owner's face, body, hair, eyes and eyelashes, Kokoro will model the robot's facial expressions and upper body movements after the buyer. The robot's speech will be based on recordings of the owner's voice.

Thankfully, they're only making two and each will cost a staggering $223,000. But you've got to admit, that's a small price to pay for being killed by a robotic version of yourself, amirite? NO I'M NOT RIGHT THAT WAS A TEST AND YOU F***ING FAILED! You will never pass my class!

Hit the jump for a poster advertising the Actroid receptionist humanoid (same chassis on which these will be built).

Continue Reading " WTF? NO!: Robotic Doppelgangers For Sale "

Dec 14 2009 Pfft, Mine Has 160: A 158 Lens Camera

This is a camera designed at the Nagoya Institute of Technology in Japan that features 158 individual lenses. Why so many? To take 3-D pictures of a candle flame. And here I was thinking they were gonna use it to look up girls' skirts. Which, you know they are! Japan, Japan, Japan, what am I gonna do with you?

Record-breaking camera has 158 lenses [dvice]

Thanks to Carl, who doesn't need a camera to look up skirts because he has a bicycle mirror taped to his shoe.

Dec 14 2009 Iffy: A 'How To Talk To Women' XBox Game

Apparently there's a downloadable XBox game that's supposed to teach you how to talk to girls. Which -- so let me get this straight: playing a video game....to learn how to talk to girls. Folks, you better put your foil helmets on, the universe is imploding.

"Are you nervous talking to girls? All you need is practice," I kid you not, is the tag line for a downloadable Xbox 360 game called Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls.

The 80 point ($1) indie game is one part dating sim and tries to be one part edutainment. Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls takes it self surprisingly seriously for such a silly title.

Now wait just a minute -- are we talking TO girls or are we talking TWO girls. Because those are two completely different things. One of which might actually be worth $1. Psyyyyyyche! What is this, a value menu?!

Xbox 360 Game Wants To Help You Talk To Women [siliconera]

Thanks to Jackie Jormp Jomp, who doesn't need an XBox game to talk to the other sex because the Wii port is better.

Dec 14 2009 Who Needs Eggnog?: Imperial Stout Trooper

Because I'm pretty much the L337357 thing on this side of the L337 57R337, BOOM, two Star Wars posts in a row! Imperial Stout Trooper is (you'll never guess!) an Imperial Stout beer manufactured by New England Brewing Co. which, get this, IS BASED IN NEW ENGLAND! Did you brain just explode? Mine did, but then it all came back together like watching Gallagher sledgehammer a watermelon in reverse. You shoulda seen it, hands down Youtube quality shit.

Just a heads up on New England Imperial Stout Trooper. This will be hitting shelves the week before Christmas in 750ml bottles. Same great beer, but now in bigger bottles.

With an average of 4.31 on Beer Advocate, IST appears to be very close to breaking the top 100, should that average hold up on this next batch. This is the first time the beer will appear in 750's after previously being available in 12 oz. bottles.

Did you hear that, Santa? GW wants a stocking stuffed with Imperial Stout Trooper! Plus lottery scratch-offs. Daddy's getting rich this Christmas! Also, laid (you distract the fat man, I'll throw a net over Blitzen).

New England Imperial Stout Trooper arrives in two weeks [beernews]

Thanks to reado, who did not shoot first. But he did start drinking before I could even order a beer. A little manners, God.

Dec 14 2009 Woman Cries After Seeing Return Of The Jedi

This is a video of a husband filming his wife crying after watching Return of the Jedi. I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to laugh or not, so I did anyways just to cover my bases (you're out!). Women: can't live with 'em, can't just come over when you're hungry or need a button sewn on a shirt. WHY IS THIS LIFE SO DIFFICULT?!

Wife Cries After Star Wars [collegehumor]

Thanks to Doug, who filmed me crying after watching two girls one cup. That is NOT how ice cream is made.

Dec 14 2009 Kids Are Crazy As Hell: Dear God Letters

This is a little collection of letters children wrote to God. Some ask fairly thought provoking questions, while others just spout their ignorance like this little moron. LEARN HOW TO SPELL! God hates mis-spellars. Plus Jonathans. Double whammy!

Hit the jump for a bunch more of my favorites and the link to even more. And feel free to write your own in the comments, I know you're clever!

Continue Reading " Kids Are Crazy As Hell: Dear God Letters "

Dec 14 2009 Seen It All Now: Microwave S'mores Machine Keeps Pressure On Your Marshmallow

The Micro S'mores machine is a piece of shit designed for cooking s'mores in the microwave. The secret is its "Core Fusion Technology" which is a jargonical (word wizardry!) way of saying it has a plunger that pushes the marshmallow down as it gets gooey. You get two of them for $20, plus shipping and handling. Now, as a guy who's been making s'mores in the microwave since middle school, I'll admit a little downward pressure while the s'mores cook is key to a good turnout. So here's what you do: break off the safety latch that prevents you from cooking with the microwave door open. You'll be able to stir things too!

Hit the jump for a ridiculous commercial.

Continue Reading " Seen It All Now: Microwave S'mores Machine Keeps Pressure On Your Marshmallow "

Dec 13 2009 Guitar Hero Inspired 'Christmas Light Hero' Actually Playable On The Side Of A House

This is a screenshot of some kid playing 'Christmas Light Hero' on the front of his (parents') house. And I thought I was a crazy Christmas decorator (I am, I wander around the front yard in my bathrobe cackling)!

According to the Daily What, Ric Turner, a former Disney 'imagineer' and special effects specialist, turned his yard into a game of Guitar Hero, built out of 21,268 lights and LEDs, that plays Eric Johnson's "Cliffs of Dover."

To program the show a video recording was made of a perfect round of Guitar Hero playing Eric Johnson's Cliffs of Dover. The timing of all the dots and the light show choreography follow that video.

When you play, you watch only the Christmas lights, but the audio you hear is from the Wii, so your flubs are broadcast for all to hear (people in cars can tune 99.1 and crank it up as loud as they want.)

Wow, that's....impressive. Not as impressive as wiring up a homemade 'Rock Band, Holiday Edition' using EVERY HOUSE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, but it's not bad for an amateur effort. It is sooooo on, Ric! (I have all the giant inflatables, just sayin').

Hit the jump for the video of the lights in action.

Continue Reading " Guitar Hero Inspired 'Christmas Light Hero' Actually Playable On The Side Of A House "

Dec 13 2009 Looks Promising: Halo Reach Teaser Trailer

This is a teaser trailer for Halo Reach coming out in Fall, 2010. You should probably click the video so you can watch it in HD and get the full effect. It looks pretty bangin'. That's right, I said bangin'. YES I KNOW THAT'S NOT COOL. And neither is your face. Burn, no burn-backs!

UPDATE: Commentary-free video added after the jump for people that like to think their own thoughts. But you should still click-through to Youtube to watch it in high-def.

Continue Reading " Looks Promising: Halo Reach Teaser Trailer "

Dec 13 2009 Pew Pew?: Quadriplegic Man Wins Right To Hunt With Mouth-Operated Shotgun

Because everybody deserves the right to shoot animals, a 46-year old quadriplegic will now be hunting in New Jersey with the assistance of a mouth-operated 12-gauge shotgun.

Jamie Cap, 46, was injured in an accident 30 years ago while playing American football. A head-on tackle resulted in a neck injury that left him a quadriplegic and robbed him of hunting, one of his passions.

"I don't know if there are words," he said. "I'm so happy. When you find you can do something again after 30 years, you can't put a price on that. Some people think it's nothing, but try being paralysed for 30 years and then come talk to me."

For a quadriplegic, firing a shotgun requires help from a companion. In Mr Cap's case, a friend sets up the contraption, safety on, on Mr Cap's wheelchair and Mr Cap aims the shotgun by moving the toggle switch with his mouth. Once his partner releases the safety, Mr Cap fires by sipping on the breathing tube.

BLAM! *bleeding* Ugh. Coke. on. right.

US quadriplegic man wins right to go hunting [telegraph]

Thanks to Malice, who feels sorry for New Jersey deer, but only because they live in Jersey.

Dec 13 2009 From The Makers Of The Hamburger Bed Comes A Millennium Falcon Bed (pew pew!)

Kayla Kromer, the maker of the infamous Hamburger Bed, is back at it, this time with a sweet Millenium Falcon joint. Which, true story, I once used to make the Kessel run in less than eleven parsecs IN MY SLEEP. Suck it Han, I own you more than Jabba did!

Hit the jump for several more shots and a link to the official Facebook page.

Continue Reading " From The Makers Of The Hamburger Bed Comes A Millennium Falcon Bed (pew pew!) "

Dec 12 2009 You Need Help: Guy Makes Art Out Of Dust

Paul Hazelton collects dust and then shapes it into things and calls it art. Me? I vacuum it up LIKE A NORMAL GOTDAMN PERSON. I swear, whatever happened to chiseling marble?

'I think it all has something to do with the fact that I was brought up in an immaculate environment that was really clean,' said Mr Hazelton.

'It all started when I noticed the dust on a mask and was able to pull it off. I started collecting dust and working with it, finding ways of turning it into three-dimensional structures.'

'Humans were supposedly made from dust, so it is interesting to create other things with it,' added Mr Hazelton, from Margate, Kent.

'It is a kind of recycling. The reaction of people when they see the art is one of incredulity.

Incredulity is right. As in, "THIS NUTCASE IS F***ED IN THE HEAD." Oh, and another thing -- I WAS NOT MADE FROM DUST, PAUL. I was made with cookie batter and star-sprinkles AND GOD BAKED ME PERFECTLY.

Hit the jump for a shot of a briefcase and skeleton made out of the dust.

Continue Reading " You Need Help: Guy Makes Art Out Of Dust "

Dec 12 2009 Regret: Way To Go, Captain Weakmind

This has been floating around for a little while but I figured I'd go ahead and post it before it got any older because then I'd get even more hate mail than I'm already going to (you people are vicious!) but you know what? I'm cool with that. Because as my mom taught me growing up, hate is the sincerest form of flattery. And so are kids throwing rocks. God did they flatter me.

Hindsight is 20/20 Once The Mind Trick Wears Off [verydemotivational]

Thanks to Nathan, who may or may not have left a thermal exhaust port open because he was busy playing minesweeper.

Dec 12 2009 Stay Warm!: Felt Pokemon Character Hats

You ever wanted a homemade Pokemon hat that looks like you're favorite character? Well you're in luck, provided your favorite character is, uh, Dildohead or X-wings Ears, or, uh, shit you got me. These fleece hats are handmade made by craft-person Dimbarion and range in price from $20 to $40. These are the only models currently available, but there are more in the works, so hold your horses if you want Squibblenips or Jigglyknots or whoever the hell else YOU DEVIL WORSHIPERS IDOLIZE. You outta be ashamed of yourselves. Plus for those private pictures you took. You thought nobody saw, I saw. And I liked.

Hit the jump for closeups of a couple models in case you're interested in purchasing.

Continue Reading " Stay Warm!: Felt Pokemon Character Hats "

Dec 12 2009 Action Packed!: 50 Movie Trailers In 3:50

This is a skillfully edited video that packs 50 movie trailers into a scant 3:50. What movies you ask? Let me copy/paste that information for you!

Included in the video are: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, The Lightning Thief, Babylon A.D., Knowing, Sherlock Holmes, Death Race, The Uninvited, Max Payne, The Fast and the Furious, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Midnight Meat Train, Quarantine, 2012, Ninja Assasin, New Moon, Whiteout, Final Destination, Daybreakers, Race to Witch Mountain, Moon, Inglourious Basterds, The Box, Obsessed, Friday the 13th, Star Trek, Terminator Salvation, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Watchmen, Dragonball, The Spirit, Carriers, Bangkok Dangerous, District 9, Surrogate, The Book of Eli, Mirrors, The Happening, Fighting, The Road, Angels & Demons, Jennifer's Body, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Pineapple Express, The Last House on the Left, The Haunting in Connecticut, Shutter Island, Sorority Row and two (we think) Russian films we couldn't identify.

Fun fact: out of all those movies I've only seen Friday the 13th. Not even kidding. What? DON'T JUDGE ME! (I'm banned from the theater and Netflix found out I was using a stolen credit card). Fine, judge away.

And on a side note, ultra-badass dino t-shirt over at Teefury today (AND TODAY ONLY). $11 shipped. Go get one. So dreamy.

50 movies ... 3 1/2 minutes ... one awesome trailer! [scifiwire]

Thanks to Cruickedshank, who once packed 100 movies into 5 minutes and that shit exploded like a M-80 in a middle school toilet.

And thanks to Samuel, EvilAres, Abbott, Kenton, T. Wood, Wyatt, Ashley and Gingerjohn, who know just how badly I want a dino to burst forth from my chest loins.

Dec 11 2009 When Religions Collide: A Star Trek Menorah

I have no idea if Star Trek is actually a religion but I say yes and from now on you will too or I will punch you so hard you bruise before I even make First Contact. See what I did there? I'm so wicked. Anyway, this is a Star Trek themed LED menorah. Sacrilegious or not? I actually don't really know a whole lot about Judaism (despite dating a Jewish girl briefly in highschool), but I think it's actually kosher to have a themed menorah. Get it, kosher? I didn't say I didn't learn anything!

Star Trek LED Menorah Design is Nine Times as Geeky [walyou]

Dec 11 2009 Mmmm, Paint Fumes: Wicked Metroid Graffiti

Samus Aren, arguably the sexiest thing with a cannon for an arm (toss up between Mega Man), is looking good here on what may or may not be the bathrooms in the rear of a gas station (it's actually an art store). Created by artist Allen Hampton, you can tell she's about to PEW her way right through that jellyfish and blast Bowser there into another dimension. Do I know my video games or what?

Hit the jump for three closeups of the piece.

Continue Reading " Mmmm, Paint Fumes: Wicked Metroid Graffiti "

Dec 11 2009 That's No Briefcase, That's A Beefcase! (God I Kill Me)

Sure it's mostly sausage in the case but I'm a word wizard and sausagecase doesn't even qualify as apprentice level word magic. Now sausage casing maybe... Anyway, this case holds 19 different types of sausage and, admit it, the key to your heart. Well, at least the key to stopping it. You gobble that meat, son!

Sausage briefcase: for the well prepared traveler [gizmodo]

Thanks to nd4spdgt, who also carries a beefcase AND baconbag.

Dec 11 2009 Cry Baby: Man Insulted Because Coca-Cola Website Generated Offensive Security Code

Apparently a man who's too stupid to realize nobody ever wins anything with those "go to a website and enter the code under your cap" deals (you haven't, don't lie) was offended when the randomly-generated security code at the Coca-Cola website read "U F**KR".

Warehouse manager Alistair, 26, said: "I couldn't believe my eyes when that popped up.

"I understand it was randomly generated, but you'd think Coke would have some measures in place to stop four-letter words like that appearing."

Red-faced Coca-Cola bosses have promised immediate action to prevent embarrassing codes popping up in future.

"Unfortunately this has occurred due to an automated selection of random letters but we are taking immediate action to ensure this will not happen again."

Oh grow up, Alistair, you whiny little Nancy. You're just upset cause you know THE CODE WAS THE TRUTH. Ooooh, burn!

Coke 'sorry' for swear blunder [sun]

Thanks to Coedy, who once had to enter 'U BUTTLOVING DILDO' and did it without thinking twice because he's not a whiny baby.

Dec 11 2009 I've Seen It All Now: Animal B-Hole Covers

Rear Gear Butt Covers ("No more Mr. Brown Eye" -- not even kidding) are little $5 cardboard cutouts that hang from your pet's tail and cover its butthole. Jesus Christ.

Is your pet feeling left in the dirt because of his/her unsightly rear? I've got them covered... Rear Gear is handmade in Portland, OR and offers a cheerful solution to be-rid your favorite pet's un-manicured back side.

Rear Gear comes in many designs including a disco ball, air freshener, heart, flower, biohazard, smiley face, number one ribbon, cupcake, sheriff's badge, dice, and you can even make yours custom, so there's a Rear Gear for everyone.

Admittedly, I hate an animal's bare b-hole touching my arm as much as the next guy, but I'm not definitely not hanging a trunk ornament on it. My pet deserves her dignity, damnit. Aaaaand now she's licking it. NO I DON'T WANT A KISSIE!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to the Etsy sale page.

Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Animal B-Hole Covers "

Dec 11 2009 Muppets Perform 'Ringing Of The Bells'

Remember the video of the Muppets performing Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' from a few weeks ago? Well those crazy hand-up-their ass plushies are back at it, this time with the holiday classic 'Ringing of the Bells'. And speaking of ringing bells:

There was a fugitive who sought shelter in the home of a woman he knew. Her living room had a cathedral ceiling, which is to say it went all the way up to the roof peak, with rustic rafters spanning the air space below.

She was a widow, and he stripped himself naked while she went to fetch some of her husband's clothes. But before he could put them on, the police were hammering on the front door with their billy clubs. So the fugitive hid on the top of a rafter. When the woman let in the police, though, his oversize testicles hung down in full view.

The police asked the woman where the guy was. The woman said she didn't know what guy they were talking about. One of the cops saw the testicles hanging down from a rafter and asked what they were. She said they were Chinese temple bells. He believed her. He said he'd always wanted to hear Chinese temple bells.

He gave them a whack with his billy club, but there was no sound. So he hit them again, a lot harder, a whole lot harder. Do you know what the guy on the rafter shrieked?

He shrieked, TING-A-LING, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

From Kurt Vonnegut's 'Timequake'. Thanks Phil.

Muppets Studio Youtube Channel

Thanks to The F'n Jem'Hadar, who LA, LA LA LA -- LA, LA LA LA!

Dec 11 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Great Place For A Deathstar

IMAGE REMOVED

Who cares about the Death Star, check out those sheep. Baaaaa!

hoshq's deviantART (nude shots available if you're a deviantART member)

Thanks to TurboRingtail, who swings from trees, FAST.

Dec 11 2009 Crazy-Ass 'Predator' Inspired Motorcycle

This is a Predator-themed motorcycle. If you really must know, it's a 2007 Suzuki Hayabusa with a bunch of pieces glued on and all airbrushed. Plus some skulls for good measure. It's pretty wicked. Granted, it's not as wicked as a Witch of West bike would be, but that bitch was baaaaad.

Hit the jump for several close-ups and a link to an even larger gallery.

Continue Reading " Crazy-Ass 'Predator' Inspired Motorcycle "

Dec 10 2009 That's It, I'm Going To The Next Convention!: A Hot Trekkie Girl

Yes, even the crew of the Enterprise take Myspace-style shots of themselves in the bathroom mirror. And you don't see me complaining! What you do see is me gluing these fake elf ears on. "Nanu-nanu!"

Hot chick Trekkies DO exist! [albotas]

Dec 10 2009 Impressive: A Super Realistic Mario Scene

This is an ultra realistic scene from Super Mario Bros. 2 rendered by artist Winona Nelson (Larger version HERE). As you can see, there's Mario and, uh, the green one and some of those masked marauders (Luigi and some Shy Guys, stop emailing me, God!). Good job, Winona. If I even had half the skills you do and I wouldn't be blogging. I'd be drawing naked women!

Winona's Website
via
Ultra-realistic Mario Brothers [cupofweb]

Thanks to EFRULZ, who allegedly painted a naked Princess Peach but won't send it to my despite persistent emailing.

Dec 10 2009 Daddy Likes: Zelda 'Spirit Tracks' Commercial

For those of you not in the know, the latest game in the Zelda series, 'Spirit Tracks', dropped on Monday for the Nintendo DS and I'm going to go out and buy it as soon as I'm done writing for the day. This is extended 60-second commercial for the game. And I'm not even gonna lie -- I totally got the goosebumps when Zelda appeared. Not sexually either, more like "Oh my God I'm gonna get one of these people outside Starbucks to blog for a bit while I run out and buy it". Hey, you. Yes, you -- Mr. Talking To Himself with the garbage bag full of clothes -- here's my computer, BLOG! None of that crazy, "the government replaced my brain with sand" bullshit either. Kidding champ, go for it!

Youtube

Thanks to Steve, Alice and titter tots, who know if it starts with Z and ends with elda, I'm interested.

Dec 10 2009 Cause Nothing Says "I Don't Give A Dang About People Around Me" Like Neckphones

Neckphones are earphones for people with no ears or head. They just hang around your neck and make everyone else on the bus hear firsthand your horrible taste in music. Everybody will undoubtedly give you the stinkeye, hoping you'll take the hint and get off at the next stop, but you won't (you're dense, also, incredibly disrespectful). Available for a staggering $130 from Hammacher Skeletor, they're the perfect gift for that special asshole in your life. God, whatever happened to good old fashioned ghetto blasters? Those were the days, weren't they? I'm talking about getting high and breakdancing. Good times, good times.

Product Site
via
Neckphones are like headphones only more obnoxious [dvice]

Dec 10 2009 RAAAAWR!!: Awesomest Kid's Bed Ever?

This is a child's bed that was designed to make the little tyke feel as if he's sleeping in the mouth of a dinosaur. Which, true story, I would wish for if I had three wishes. It would be my very first wish. Then second and third. SHUT UP I KNOW WHAT I LIKE, OKAY?!

Hit the jump for two more shots of the awesomeness.

Continue Reading " RAAAAWR!!: Awesomest Kid's Bed Ever? "

Dec 10 2009 Very Cute: 'Zombies Are Nuts About Brains'

I thought this was just the cutest thing. You know, many times I've bought bags of shelled peanuts only to find a bunch of the poor bastards cracked open and missing their brains. Who knew it was the secretly the work of zombie nuts? Besides me, I know everything. Go on, ask me anything. Except that. Or that. Ooooor that. Jesus, who let you in here?

Zombies Are Nuts About Brains [bentobjects]

Thanks to Blastphemer, who only eats red-dyed pistachios because they're allegedly zombie-free.

Dec 10 2009 Surprise!: Pokemon Is The Devil's Work

"Pokemon World is a world of the demonic. Of the satanic." I knew it! This guy says a lot of crazy shit but the best is between 1:30 and 2:30. It's scary. And what's even scarier is the way all the people in the audience are so attentive. Really makes me want to start my own cult. Who's with me? Oh come on -- we'll wear bathrobes and chant!

Youtube

Thanks to Amanda, who's officially in charge of new recruiting.

Dec 10 2009 *Pew Pew*: Revolver 1-Function TV Remote

A remote in the form factor of a gun, what will they think of next? If you answered a remote in the shape of a magic wand that controls via accelerometer, too late -- they've already thought of that!

Sick of soaps? Does your partner's love of religious broadcasting leave you praying for an epiphany? Restore order in your living room and send a strong signal to the cowboys: there's a new sheriff in town and you're doing things your way. Just point and shoot to change the channel. It even plays a gunshot sound and comes with a sheriff badge!

The $17 remote can control ONE FUNCTION of your television (channel up OR down, volume up OR down, power), rendering it a huge piece of novelty shit. Jesus, just throw a shoe at the cable box like a normal person.

Product Site

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who changes the channel the old fashioned way: with yardstick taped to another yardstick taped to a cane.

Dec 9 2009 Impressive!: A Day In The Life Of The Internet

This is a graphic depicting what the internet goes through on a typical day. It's pretty freakin' impressive. But it also made me feel pretty insignificant. Then I realized I'm practically the ringleader of this circus (metaphor magic!) and that's when I removed the hose from my exhaust pipe.

How Huge Is the Internet on an Average Day? [gizmodo]

Thanks to AJ, who once sent an email to himself but never received it. DUM DUM DUM!

Dec 9 2009 What In The Hell Is A Scotch MegaEgg?

Apparently "20 hard-boiled eggs wrapped in bacon and covered in sausage meat and breading, baked whole." Damn. If the internet really is a series of tubes (and I suspect it is) then this is just the thing to clog its arteries. Oh -- oh -- could it be? Am I really mastering the magic of metaphors? I'm adding it to my wizard resume! Can I use you as a reference?

The Scotch MegaEgg [thisiswhyourefat]

Thanks to Amelia, who wants to know how to make angeled eggs and if they're any good.

Dec 9 2009 Impressive: Kid Makes Beercan Tab Chain Mail

Knight Neversmiles of the Round Beerpong Table here went and made himself a coat of chain mail armor out of pull-tabs from beer cans. Although there may have been some pop-tops in there too, that wouldn't surprise me. Anyway, he did a good job but there's just no way you can look like a hard-ass wearing chainmail made out of pull-tabs. I mean I could, but I'd also....

fill your eyes with that laser vision!
no disguise for my laser vision
ooh, when it gets through to you, it's always new to you
my laser vision gets the best of you!

F*** yeah Foreigner. Not you, Frenchie!

Hit the jump for a bunch of close-ups.

Continue Reading " Impressive: Kid Makes Beercan Tab Chain Mail "

Dec 9 2009 "Holy Cow": False Idol Or Not? I Need A Ruling

There was a cow born in Sterling, Connecticut with a cross on its forehead. He was nicknamed Moses by local children, but I'm still convinced he's the anti-burger.

His owner, Brad Davis, told WFSB-TV he thought the marking may be a message from above, though he is still trying to worl out what that message might be.

Ric Grummer, the chairman of the University of Wisconsin-Madison Department of Dairy Science, told the Norwich Bulletin newspaper it is not unusual for a Holstein cow to have a white marking on its head.

But Mr Grummer said the cross shape is unique.

Nice, what do you think would come out if this cow and an ox with a heart on it's head had babies? I'm guessing a unicorn with a heart on its head WITH SWORDS THROUGH IT. Bitchin'.

Hit the jump for a closeup of the nog.

Continue Reading " "Holy Cow": False Idol Or Not? I Need A Ruling "

Dec 9 2009 Neat, But I'll Pass (The Time!): A Crazy Clock

That isn't your grandfather's grandfather clock. But that may be him trapped inside! (it's not -- please don't call and wake up your grandma). You see, that's really a television screen. Tricky!

This clock does not actually have a man inside but a flatscreen that plays a 24 hour loop of this video by the artist watching his own clock somewhere and painstakingly erasing and re-writing each minute.

Admittedly, it is a neat idea, I just can't believe somebody dedicated 24 hours of their life to recording themselves writing the time. That's ridiculous. I mean, I've got Warcraft characters to level up.

Youtube

Thanks to Conspiracy, who's convinced daylight savings time was created by the government to throw off our internal clocks and keep us in check. And he's right.

Dec 9 2009 I Think Somebody's Developing A Crush!

Instant messaging account: Free
Having a heart to heart with a guy friend: Free
Finding out you're the one for him: Priceless

Quote #761414 [bash]

Thanks to Julian, who agrees Third Strike was badass, but he's not gonna marry you over it.

Dec 9 2009 Chatroulette: Omegle With Video, More Dudes

Remember Omegle, the website that sets you up with a random chatting partner? Well Chatroulette is the same thing -- WITH ADDED WEBCAM! It's mostly dudes and like two creepy chicks (one was singing into a paper squirrel cutout glued to a popsicle stick -- not even kidding), and the screenshot there is pretty much what you can expect out of the females on the site (that's me at the bottom). So yeah, join at your own risk. I definitely wore a grocery bag over my head.

Chatroulette

Thanks to Ahmed, who warns you to watch out for people with puppets.

Dec 9 2009 Mysterious Portal Opens In Sky Above Norway

A mysterious light appeared in the sky above Norway last night, causing many citizens to call the Meteorological Institute and others to go back to bed. Me? Suspecting it was a time portal, I would have strapped on a rocketpack and flown right into the middle of it. DINOSAURS HERE I COOOOOOOME!

Witnesses from Trøndelag to Finnmark compared the amazing sight to anything from a Russian rocket to a meteor or a shock wave - although no one appears to have mentioned UFOs yet.

The phenomenon began when what appeared to be a blue light seemed to soar up from behind a mountain. It stopped mid-air, then began to circulate.

Within seconds a giant spiral had covered the entire sky. Then a green-blue beam of light shot out from its centre - lasting for ten to twelve minutes before disappearing completely.

Many are claiming the lights were caused by a Russian missile launch gone wrong, but I think there's a simpler, must more logical explanation: evil wizard mad scientist.

Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures and two videos of the laser light show (mystery solved) in action.

Continue Reading " Mysterious Portal Opens In Sky Above Norway "

Dec 9 2009 THE MOST AMAZING VIDEO OF ALL TIME

Whoever is out there making videos can just stop because you'll never top this one, sorry.

Youtube

Thanks to TigerCH9, who has the coolest bird ever in the history of birds AND THAT INCLUDES PTERODACTYLS.

Dec 9 2009 Good Lookin': Zombified Disney Princesses

This is a picture of a bunch of zombified Disney princesses (picture does not do them justice, click HERE for a full-size shot) Now I know what you're thinking, "I know they're zombies and all, but I would still 100% hit that." But you know what? That would eat your brains if you tried. Just something to think about. Gotta weigh the pros and cons, you know? (I say go for it!)

Disney Princesses The Way You Like It...Zombified [nerdbastards]

Thanks to Dodo and Luke, who can get any zombie they want.

Dec 9 2009 Guy Blows Jaw Off, Dies From Exploding Gum

A 25-year old Ukrainian chemistry student was found dead after accidentally blowing his jaw off with exploding chewing gum. Apparently he had the habit of dipping his gum into citric acid but may have mistakenly used explosive one time. Thanks, but I'll stick to Orbit Sweet Mint.

Officers found citric acid packets and a similar-looking unidentified substance, believed to be some kind of explosive material, on a table near the 25-year-old's body, Russian news agency Ria Novosti said.

Investigators suspect the student confused the packets and put gum covered with explosive material into his mouth.

Wow, what a way to go. Although you've gotta admit, as a chemist, this guy was destined to blow himself up sooner or later. R.I.P. buddy.

Student's jaw blown off by gum [news24]

Thanks to Mr M and Add Not Andrew MacGregor, who chew TNT and have explosive breath.

Dec 8 2009 That's Not Art!: Creepy Singing Android Heads

This is a piece of "art" by a really sucky artist that I can't even believe even has the gall to CONSIDER themselves an artist. The piece is for sale at the Art Basel gallery in Miami Beach. The asking price? $75,000. I'd rather eat shit!

The heads are connected to servos behind the mold of the artist's face that are controlled by a computer. The movements and sound are on a 15 minute loop and both sing together and uncomfortably look around the room individually. VEEEERY CREEEPY.

Very creepy is right! Also, I'm still pissed this is considered art. I mean, come on now. I'm so frustrated right now I could song a few bars myself. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. Just like angels, I know.

Youtube

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, naas, Grillonic, Michael and Cpt. Awesome, who are gonna pool their money to buy the piece and burn it name a star after me.

Dec 8 2009 Left 4 Dead 2 Zombie Gingerbread Cookies

This is a little Left 4 Dead 2 scene made with gingerbread zombies. At first glance I thought they were decorated by a special needs child, but upon closer inspection I noted some virtuosic icing talent. Kidding, total sped.

ooey-gooey left 4 dead 2 gingerbread zombies [technabob]

Dec 8 2009 Um, Yeah, Maybe Get Somebody Else To Make It Next Time: Paper Mâché Pikachu Fail

That's not even Pikachu, that's a stoned-ass Garfield with no stripes after eating a whole pan of lasagna (LOL -- he loves that stuff!). Oh -- and to the maker: there comes a time in everyone's life when you realize your own limitations and focus on working within them. That time for you should have been before you made this. Just sayin'.

Hit the jump for an equally questionable Sonic.

Continue Reading " Um, Yeah, Maybe Get Somebody Else To Make It Next Time: Paper Mâché Pikachu Fail "

Dec 8 2009 How To: Plan A Robot Birthday Party For Kids

This is part of a little party planner from Betty Crocker about how to throw a happy-fun robot-themed soiree for a child including a creepy-ass robotic cake (and I thought you were cool!). Also, who would have thought meatball hoagies and turkey-spinach (I will whip your monkey ass, Popeye!) wraps were the perfect accompaniment to A CAKE OF DEATH? Not cool, Betty, not cool.

Favorite Betty:

Crocker
White

Snap, replaced by a Golden Girl! That speaks volumes.

Robots Rule! Birthday Party [bettycrocker]

Thanks to Jenny, who knows a good old fashioned dino-party is the way to go. Rawr? RAAAAAAAWR!

Dec 8 2009 Scientific!: How To Cut A Möbius Strip Bagel

And they said it wasn't possible to cut a bagel into a Möbius strip! Didn't they? I'm sure somebody did. But boy were they wrong! You think it works for donuts too? What about Hot Pockets?!

Professor and artist George Hart figures out how to cut a bagel into two congruent halves--they "pass through each other's holes, like two links of a chain." One bagel. Two halves. Unbroken. Interlocking.

Impossible, you say? Not when "the motion of the knife follows the surface of a two-twist Möbius strip." Yes, in a single long knife cut, you can transform an everyday bagel into two linked halves. And the best part?

"It is much more fun to put cream cheese on these bagels than on an ordinary bagel. In additional to the intellectual stimulation, you get more cream cheese, because there is slightly more surface area."

More surface area for cream cheese? Count me in! I can't get enough of that stuff -- it's both creamy AND cheesy. Whoever invented that shit deserves a Nobel Prize in MAKING MY MOUTH HAPPY. God does too. For nipples.

Coolest Thing We've Ever Seen: Mobius Strip Bagel [newyork.seriouseats]

Thanks to Jessi and Ellie, who know how to cut pizza slides into Möbius strips.

Dec 8 2009 Playing Mario Theme On Piano One Handed

This is a video of some cat (a dude, not an actual kitty) playing the Mario theme on a piano one handed. That's one hand less than the regular amount! Now if he could play it with nothing but his head, THAT would be something. Which, true story: one time I filmed myself played Für Elise with my face but the piano exploded with awesome and destroyed the video camera. But you can take my word for it, I'm honest.

Youtube

Thanks to naas and Rafi, who can both play the Mario theme simply by willing it with their minds. It's called The Force, guys.

Dec 8 2009 Iffy: Operation Allows 'High Definition' Vision

So allegedly there's a new eye surgery that allows patients to achieve 'HD vision'. Weird, I thought all vision was high definition. But what the hell do I know? I'm no ophthalmologist, I'm just a guy that spiced up an ordinarily boring eyeball graphic with LASER VISION!!!

Surgeons begin the process by implanting the lens into the eye using the standard procedure for cataracts.

The lens is made from a special light-sensitive silicone. By shining ultraviolet light on specific parts of the lens, surgeons can change its shape and curvature, sharpening the image seen by the patient.

The lens can be adjusted several times over a period of days until patients have perfect vision. A final blast of light then permanently fixes the lenses' shape.

The technique gives patients vision so sharp that it is even better than 20/20 - the best an adult can usually hope for.

Oh really? 20/20 is the best an adult can usually hope for? THEN WHY IS THIS ADULT HOPING FOR -20/20 PLUS BONUS LASER VISION!!!? Did I mention x-ray? Because I'm hoping for that too. Also, vision that cures cancer and makes me fly. Remember folks: hope for the moon. Even if NASA denies you astronaut status you can still go to Space Camp.

Op Lets People Upgrade Their Eyes To HD [yahoonews]

Thanks to And Not Adam Parry, who is apparently is some sort of competition to send me the most tips possible.

Dec 8 2009 It Wasn't Me, Stop Asking: 'Walking With Dinosaurs' Robotic Dino Stolen In Mexico

FOR THE LAST TIME, IT WASN'T ME. I've already been contacted by the authorities and while I may have had some interest in one of the human-operated dinos, I wouldn't be caught dead stealing a ROBOTIC model. I just couldn't do it. Literally, no boner.

Staff noticed the 1.5m tall robot was missing after the show closed on its opening day in Guadalajara on Friday.

"Only in Mexico! How it happened we don't know," said the show's spokesman, Karla Arroyo. It is the first time an exhibit has been stolen from the show, she added.

The theft did not stop the show going ahead. Everything went on as usual," said Ms Arroyo.

She said the stolen robot was the least expensive from the show - some measure up to 13m and cost up to 1m Australian dollars.

"Only in Mexico!"? What's the hell's that supposed to mean? And, on a completely unrelated note: where would be the best place to hide a giant robotic dinosaur? Please say in bed, please say in bed....

Walking With Dinosaurs robot stolen from Mexico show [bbcnews]

Thanks to Dave, Age, stephen podstar povey, Katt, adam and SquidgyB, who all flat-out accused me of the heist.

Dec 8 2009 I Wouldn't Vote For Him: Mr. Burns Receives Most Write-In Votes For New York Mayor

Sweeping a solid 27 of the 299 total write-in votes for New York City mayor, Charles Montgomery Burns certainly gave incumbent billionaire Michael Bloomburg a run for his money. Smithers -- a body massage.

Burns wasn't the only fictional character to get votes in the race. Mad Magazine icon Alfred E. Newman, Fantastic Four arch-villain Victor Von Doom, Mickey Mouse, and Sleeping Beauty also received write-in votes.

Many New York City and state political figures also got votes, including former New York City mayors Ed Koch, Rudy Giuliani, and David Dinkins. Others include Bill and Hillary Clinton, former New York governor George Pataki, Rep. Anthony Weiner, and the candidates from this year's congressional race in New York's 23rd district Dede Scozzafava and Doug Hoffman.

Three historical figures also got votes: former presidents Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt, and Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler. Other noteworthy figures getting a nod were New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter, radio shock jock Howard Stern, deceased comedian Rodney Dangerfield, and Robert Burke, better known to many New Yorkers as "the Naked Cowboy."

Wait a minute -- I didn't get a single write-in? WTF New Yorkers? I lay in bed and toil over the internet all day for you and this is how you repay me? I ACTUALLY KNOW SOME OF YOU TOO! This hurts, this really hurts.

Simpsons billionaire gets most write-in votes in NYC mayor race [cnn]

Thanks to wes, Geekologie Writer 2012 campaign manager. I better win, wes.

Dec 8 2009 The Miracle Of Life: Butterflies Born In Space

Ever wonder how butterflies would fly in outerspace? Now thanks to BioServe Space Technologies, the University of Colorado and the International Space Station, we have the answer: poorly.

Hit the jump for another video of a Painted Lady (these are Monarchs) butterfly trying the same thing and failing just as hard.

Continue Reading " The Miracle Of Life: Butterflies Born In Space "

Dec 7 2009 Ghost Pirate-y: Monkey Island LeChuck Tattoo

This is a pixelated Ghost Pirate LeChuck tattoo in the style of the original Monkey Island. It's badass and if my balls were any more steel I would have it on my face. Sadly, my little pirate huevos are 24K gold AND BLIND YOUR MOTHER ALL THE TIME. Oh, and for those of you who have no idea who this is, may God have mercy on your soul.

On a side note, the 5th (and final) serial in the Tales of Monkey Island series comes out tomorrow. I've played through it all so far and highly recommend it DESPITE NEVER RECOMMENDING ANYTHING. Take it as you will, I'm feeling yell-y tonight.

Ghost Pirate LeChuck Tattoo [bme]

Thanks to Edd, who knows the damage a little voodoo rootbeer can do to a ghost pirate.

Dec 7 2009 Don't Worry, I Won't: "Please Do Not Board The Elevator With The Robot"

You'd have got to be out of your gotdamn mind to board an elevator with a robot, but apparently students at the Stanford Medical School need to reminded not to. And these kids are gonna be performing surgeries? Yeah, not on me they're not!

After finishing my doctoral work, I returned to Stanford Medical School to finish up the MD part of my MD/PhD....While waiting for the elevator, a large washing-machine-sized robot--a unit that had then been recently introduced at Stanford Hospital to pick up and deliver x-ray films--pulled up along side me. After waiting patiently together, we both entered the elevator. As the door closed, the robot began to whir and then quite rapidly spun around 180 degrees to re-orient itself for exiting.

The large spinning robot nearly knocked me down in the elevator. It was somewhat frightening to be trapped in an elevator with little clearance for a massive spinning robot.

I recall being somewhat concerned about what might happen if a fragile patient, walking along with an intravenous pump, or a medical team with a patient on a gurney, entered the elevator with the robot.

What kind of world do we live in where people have to be REMINDED to not get on an elevator WITH A ROBOT. Do people not take any responsibility for their own personal safety anymore? And, if not, do they really deserve to live? These questions and more answered in my forthcoming novel, 'No, You Actually Don't Deserve To Live', available in hardcover this spring.

Do not board the elevator with robot [boingboing]

Thanks to Drew, who won't even board a moving sidewalk with a robot because he's not an idiot.

Dec 7 2009 Who Knew?: Tetris, Behind The Scenes

Did you know that every game of Tetris is controlled by a malevolent Tetris god? I didn't. I thought it was controlled by some oldschool Ruskie programming. But what do I know? Besides where you live. And don't even think I won't bat your mailbox -- your parents are gonna be piiiiiiiiissed!

The Tetris God [collegehumor]

Thanks to Julian and Nathan, who have both tried jamming S-tetrads up the Tetris god's ass with little to no luck (single block penetration).

Dec 7 2009 Adrianne Curry Plays World Of Warcraft Nekkid

That's right you little geeks, Adrianne Curry plays some butt-naked (and STONED) World of Warcraft. Did you hear that? That was 11.5 million WoW players crashing the Nazgrel server in an attempt to scout out her Level 33 Night Elf and steal it away from a Level 4 Brady.

Adrianne Curry, the first winner of reality TV series America's Next Top Model, plays Blizzard's World of Warcraft in the nude - and she's got the pictures to prove it.

Via her Twitter, Curry announced that after an intense workout at her kickboxing class she would be taking a shower, then spending her Sunday afternoon getting stoned and playing World of Warcraft naked.

Head on over to The Superficial to check out even more provocative pictures of Mrs. Peter Brady, including one of the WoW'er with a Darth Vader statue between her breasts. Why? Because he likes it there. Don't question the Vade!

America's Next Top Model Winner Plays WoW Naked [escapistmagazine]

Thanks to g3ne, who would hide himself in a computer tower for one glimpse of Adrianne's spicy body. Get it? Spicy. Like curry! God I'm good at this.

Dec 7 2009 Beer Books: Because Every Drunkard's A Hemingway Just Waiting To Get Out

I think I speak for all of us when I say some of my most brilliant ideas have come to me in the middle of the night when I've woken up on the can after passing out from puking so hard I popped blood vessels in my eyes. And what better place to scrawl all that genius down than a $8 hand-bound journal made out of a cardboard beer case? I can't think of anywhere. Funny story: one time I turned the lights off in the bathroom and spun around in a circle three times yelling, "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary!" Then I flicked the lights on and stared in the mirror. You know what I saw?! "Buy more TP" written in acne cream. And then, underneath that, "BTW, this isn't acne cream ;)". THEN WHAT WAS IT?! Freaky, I know.

Product Site
via
Beer Book Houses Your Slurred, Rambling Thoughts [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who scribbles his brilliance on the back wall of his bedroom closet. In crayon.

Dec 7 2009 Just In Time For Winter: Three Wolf Moon PJ's

If a trio of howling wolves and moon are so powerful, I can't even imagine WTF is gonna happen when you don an adult-sized onsie with them printed all over. Plus, they come with non-slip booties and a "trap-door" back that allows you to go # 2 without taking them off (or filling your PJ's with shit). Now that's what I call magic! Available now for $45, they make the perfect gift for that moderately special someone that needs a little bit more magic in their life. Just get them a wand, God!

Product Site

Thanks to deadbodyman, who would still wear one despite his body being dead....and smelly. Febreeze yo'self fool!

Dec 7 2009 But I Can't Sit Still: Plastic Army Man Cosplay

I've seen plastic Army men cosplay before (I'm a freak like that), but this guy takes the cake -- not only for having a base but, yeah, mostly for having a base. I'd still knock him over with a speeding checker though.

Move over, hot chicks: this cosplay's about to blow you out of the water [japanator]

Thanks to Clint, who used to have checker wars until his fingers bled and ribs were bruised from lying on the foyer floor all day.

Dec 7 2009 Another Day, Another OM NOMing Kitteh

Listen, I will never get tired of cats that literally OM NOM when they eat, okay? I'm sorry, i just can't help it. Like being neck-breakingly handsome or able to sleep in any position at work.

I don't remember how we decided to give her sour cream in first place, but it made every single person laugh that i showed this "talent" of hers, so i decided to share it with the rest of the world as well :)

Sour cream, huh -- who would've thought?! I wonder what she'll do if you gave her sour cream & onion chips. Probably OM NOM and PEW PEW -- that's a good-ass flavor combo right there.

Youtube

Thanks to Curtis, who OM NOMs his food when he eats but he does it on purpose and nobody thinks it's cute. You should probably stop.

Dec 7 2009 Space Brains: Zombified Star Wars Posters

This is a series of works created by Star Wars artist Matt Busch in which the original movie posters have been zombified. I like the guts hanging out of the tauntaun, that's a nice touch. And for the record -- I'd still take my chances with Han. So dreamy.

To coincide with the release of the latest Clone Wars episode "Brain Invaders", which involved the clones and a Jedi becoming zombies, the Star Wars guys did a zombie theme for this week.

Good job, Matt, impressive work. Granted not as impressive as if they were 3-D and actually tried to bite you through the monitor, but that would make watching porn f***ing insane AND YOU DON'T NEED THAT. Which is exactly why the government won't release the technology. You perverts ruined it for the rest of us!

Hit the jump for the other five posters.

Continue Reading " Space Brains: Zombified Star Wars Posters "

Dec 7 2009 Geekologie Reader's Gingerbread Dino Cookie

This is a giant t-rex gingerbread cookie baked by Geekologie Reader Daniel in the hopes of milking a little extra presentry (wizardry in action!) out of ol' St. Nick when he squeezes his fat ass down the chimney this year. Good lookin', Daniel. Unfortunately, Santa isn't into giant man-eating dino cookies as much as one would think. Shocking, I know. As a matter of fact, I heard he's developed Type II diabetes (you pour sugar in his mouth, I'll grab the magic present bag).

Hit the jump for Daniel doing his best t-rex impression.

Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader's Gingerbread Dino Cookie "

Dec 6 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Link As Simpsons Character

We've already seen Link as Viking hoss, so why not a Simpsons character? My logic is infallible! Which, funny story, is another word I don't know what means. I'm on fire today! Contrary to Muggle belief, word wizardry isn't all about making up new words -- sometimes it's about using the ones you don't know. Trust me, I took the Dumbledoric Oath.

The Special Guest Star Who Wasn't [kotaku]

Thanks to Anthony, who once waved his magic wand and granted peace on earth and goodwill towards people who like wearing other people's secondhand goods (nothing wrong with that).

Dec 6 2009 Should I Use My iPhone Now?: The Flowchart

This is a flowchart used to determine whether or not you should use your iPhone while in the presence of your significant other (full-size version HERE). Of course, if you've dated any women like the ones I have, the answer is always, "NO". Also, "get a job" and, "learn how to give a body massage". Which reminds me why we don't date anymore! Dumped :(

A Romance Flowchart: When Is It Inappropriate to Use Your iPhone? [gizmodo]

Dec 6 2009 It's Art!: Princess Peach As The Virgin Mary

This is Princess Peach as the Virgin Mary. I love the dichotomy of video game and religion. Granted I have no idea but dichotomy means but I used it to sound smart and because I'm probably the hardest hitting journalist in the industry. It's true, one time during an interview I called Mike Tyson a little bitch and then knocked all his teeth out. That's why he talks funny. Plastic teeth.

Behold, The Virgin Princess Peach [kotaku]

Thanks to harry, who's taking bets on whether Toadstool looked up Peach's skirt (and whether she has legs at all).

Dec 6 2009 Conspiracy!: The Truth About Dinosaurs

You know, I always thought it was a little hard to believe that dinosaurs could have actually evolved. Know what I mean? The sexy factor. But you can't trust anything the government says anyway, which is exactly why I'm going back JUST TO MAKE SURE. And let me tell you -- if they don't really exist: saddest blogger ever.

Hit the jump for two more, both courtesy of Autocomplete Me.

Continue Reading " Conspiracy!: The Truth About Dinosaurs "

Dec 5 2009 The Video Game Abuse Continues: Asian Girl Destroys PS3 While Boyfriend Is Playing

Because destroying video game consoles is all the rage right now, here's another video of a chick destroying her boyfriend's PS3 while he's trying to play. I honestly don't even know what to make of it. But I do know if that had been me, I would have gone back in time and never started playing video games instead of having sex dating.

Youtube

Thanks to Alex and gabby, who agree everyone in this video sucks at life.

Dec 5 2009 Own Your Own Lunar Lander (Replica), $89K

Want to place outerspace in your own backyard and pretend YOU'RE ON THE F***ING MOON? Who doesn't?! Well now you can thanks to these full scale lunar lander replicas from Space Toys. Houston, I have a boner.

Who doesn't want a LEM? These are custom made per order and built to exact specifications. Each can be custom made to match a specific lunar lander Apollo Mission. Available with or without a complete interior. Built from durable materials with the highest attention paid to authenticity and detail.

Another great addition to any museum or private collection. The Lunar Module shown at right shows the level of detail, the customer can expect in a high fidelity replica from Spacetoys.com. This item is only available as a build to order purchase. Details are amazing and the authenticity is fantastic.

Damn do I want one! Plus a full interior? Sweeeet. Forget a mancave, I want a manlander! A fridge full of beer, some video games, and I'm one happy astronaut. Did somebody say freeze-dried ice creams? Yes, please! I scream, you scream, but NOBODY HEARS US CAUSE WE'RE IN OUTERSPACE!

Product Site

Thanks to Megan, who overshot the moon and landed in heaven. Say what's up to God for me, will you?

Dec 5 2009 Awh, That's Precious: Cute Keyboard Stickers

This is a set of keyboard stickers by designer Chris de Lorenzo that replace the letters with cute lil pictures of things representing the letters. G SHOULD BE GEEKOLOGIE. The whole list is:

q quaker

w walrus
e elf
r radio
t tooth
y yak
u umbrella
i ice creams
o owl
p pirate
a airplane
s skull
d devil
f fox
g geisha
h house
j jaws
k king
l ladybug
z zeus
x xylophone
c cat
v vampire
b bowie
n ninja
m mountains

I dig it. Sure everybody knows B is always for boobies, but Bowie isn't a bad second. I'm still putting the O in B's place though.

B Is for Bowie, A Is for Awesome Keyboard Stickers [gizmodo]

Thanks to austin, who couldn't tell f was a fox. Haha, I called you out!

Dec 4 2009 Wrong Way!: Minivan Hit By Wrecking Ball

You like what I did there in the title? Wrong way -- get it? That's a common road sign you see when you're driving the wrong way because you're a f***ing idiot!

Dodge minivan that entered a closed construction zone in Manhattan was accidentally hit and flipped over by the wrecking ball as onlookers watch in horror and ran for cover. Driver escaped with minor injuries.

DAAAYAMN, I've always wanted to see that happen! Aaaaand now I have. Jesus, well what do I watch now?
....
....
Cat videos!!

NOTE: FAKE video is FAKE and for something I don't care about.

Youtube

Thanks to Yopoleo, who once hit a wrecking ball with his truck and sent it to the moon.

Dec 4 2009 Impressive: The World's Smallest Snowman

This is the world's smallest snowman (at 0.01mm), not including the one I just made to beat it. Mine is a tenth the size and has more detail including a real carrot nose. Pfft, science -- science ain't got shit on magic! Back me up, Frosty.

...this minuscule model -- about a fifth the width of a human hair -- is not made out of snow. It's constructed of two tiny tin beads that are usually used to calibrate an electron microscope, and welded together with platinum.

It's built by David Cox, a nanotech expert at the Quantum Detection Group of Britain's National Physical Laboratory.

The remarkable flourish of his smiling snowman is its little happy face, carved into the top orb using a focused ion beam.

Focused ion beam? What is this, the future? Regardless, a focus ion beam doesn't even COMPARE to a beam of focused, um, magic particles. Which I can create from a single flourish of my wand penis. You know how many urinals I've exploded just shaking myself dry. Tens.

World record: 0.01mm nano-snowman [dvice]

Dec 4 2009 Man Gets SWAT-Teamed Over LEGO Gun

A Toronto man got SWAT-teamed at work after someone in an apartment complex across the street saw him assembling a LEGO gun (model he was making HERE) through the window. Also, what's the ruling on calling the cops about the The Superficial Writer peaking over my cubicle wall and touching himself?

Late Wednesday afternoon, [Jeremy] Bell -- a partner with the digital design firm Teehan+Lax, located at 460 Richmond St. W. -- was assembling a replica handgun made out of Lego that had arrived.

"The SWAT arrived shortly thereafter."

Across the street, Michael Dent was working in his third-floor loft. He saw what he thought was someone assembling a firearm, so he took some photos and called the police.

"I don't really like guns right beside me -- and then it turned out to be Lego," Dent chuckled.

But he added, "My girlfriend is moving in with her daughter and stuff, and it looks right into our loft where we sleep, so no, not cool."

That's one of the actual photos that Michael Dent (possible relation to Harvey) took there. What do you think? Police-call worthy? I guess it depends on how early you started watching. And, seriously, what about The Superficial Writer? He's starting to moan.

Lego gun sighting leads to police takedown [toronto.ctv] (with more details on the takedown)

Thanks to The Bush Whacker and Popped Culture, who once built a LEGO tank in their driveway and nobody said a thing.

Dec 4 2009 Where Was I On That?: Disposable Flasks

Disposable flasks are exactly what they sound like: throw-away flasks. They're basically glorified juice pouches with a screw-top lid. ZOMG, I LOVE DRINKING EVERYWHERE!

Enter the Disposable Flask ($15/set of 3). These 7.5 oz. reusable foil pouches are portable, freezable, pocketable, and easily disposable, and feature airtight plastic lids that won't leave tell-tale leakage marks on your clothes.

Jesus, why didn't I think of that? Oh right, I DID. They're called Zip-Loc bags, and I've been filling them with bourbon for years. Anybody need a nip? I have two. They're perky!

Disposable Flask [uncrate]

Thanks to naas, who just carries his bottles with him wherever he goes.

Dec 4 2009 Equal Parts Classy And Sexy: Tyrannosaurus Rex Eating Fried Chicken Drumstick Ring