Nov 30 2009 WTF WAS THAT?!: A Robotic Britney Spears

This is a video of a dancing robot girl that was shot (the footage, not the robot -- unfortunately) during the very disturbing (and fundamentally wrong) ROBO-ONE GATE Dance Competition. A dancing robot competition? Really? That's it, I'm heading to the moon.

The 6th ROBO-ONE GATE IN INTERNATIONAL ROBOT EXHIBITION 2009 Dance Competiton spons took place in Tokyo Big Sight, during INTERNATIONAL ROBOT EXHIBITION 2009 , on Nov. 28th, 2009. `LOVE & JOY, Yuhi Kimura` by Doka Harumi (Doka Project). No one survived the performance.

Jesus, this is the shit nightmares are made of. You know, the kind you wake up from with a full load. And don't even act like it's never happened, it's happened. I ran into your mom at the grocery store!

Doka Harumi's robot dance routine fills us with shame for humanity, but mostly Japan [engadget]

Thanks to Mycropht, who once danced with a robot BUT ONLY TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO PLANT THE C4. Good lookin', Micropht.

Nov 30 2009 What If: Famous Superheroes Had Beards?

Vanja Mrgan is a Croatian illustrator with a dream, a dream of imagining what normally beardless superheroes would look like with some manly facial hair. Although they aren't actually all superheroes, some are jerks like Boba Fett. Now I know what you're thinking, "damn, I wonder what the GW would look like with a beard?" And the answer to that, my friends, is magical. Ever seen a unicorn being born? They fly out of my face.

Hit the jump for a few more and a link to Vanja's deviantART page with even more (ongoing project).

Continue Reading " What If: Famous Superheroes Had Beards? "

Nov 30 2009 Come On, Admit It, I Know This Is One Of You

I know this is one of you. And you need to come forward and admit it. I want your legs! And your action figures.

Hit the jump for a shot of the original 'virginity' motivational poster.

Continue Reading " Come On, Admit It, I Know This Is One Of You "

Nov 30 2009 Bending Over Is For Losers: The Shoedini

The Shoedini is a shoehorn on a pole. It's for people that don't like to/can't bend over to take their shoes off. I've got news for your folks: if you can't take your shoes on and off without a shoehorn on a stick, it's time for slippers. And probably a diet/will.

Youtube

Thanks to Petey, who doesn't need a shoehorn because he has ninja-feet and can walk on hot coals without wincing.

Nov 30 2009 Cuuute!: Is This The Next Electric Car-Thing?

The electric-powered E'mo was designed by the StauffacherBenz Studio and looks like the lovechild of a golf cart, Jeep and Tonka truck (wild night!). I'd ride in it, but I wouldn't be caught driving it. At least not by the police -- I don't have a license! (Think your mom can drive us to the mall later?)

...the car runs on lithium-ion batteries good for about 60 miles per charge and can run at speeds up to 80 miler per hour. A release date has not been announced, but the vehicle will sell for 10,000 euros ($15,000) here.

Hey, I'm all for it. Except two things: 1) I don't feel safe going 80 in a vehicle with no doors, and 2) the name. E'mo, really? Who wants to own a car that posts pictures of itself on Myspace crying and slashing its own tires?

Love Bug of the future: the electric-powered E'mo car [dvice]

Nov 30 2009 Be Safe This Holiday Season: Electrical Safety Public Service Announcement

Ever seen a giant Santa on fire? Now you have. This electrical safety warning comes to us all the way from Santa Catarina, Brazil. Remember: despite what your father may have taught you, drinking and Christmas decorating don't mix. "Russ, we checked every bulb, didn't we?" Poor Santa, I can see him now, "HO, HO, HO, MEEERRY CHRISTMAS! HO, HO, HOLY SHIT I'M ON FIRE! ELVES, CODE RED!"

Hit the jump to see the whole progression from beginning to sad, sad end.

Continue Reading " Be Safe This Holiday Season: Electrical Safety Public Service Announcement "

Nov 30 2009 Chemisty: Periodic Table Of Cupcakery

Sadly, it's not actually a periodic table OF cupcakes like I may have falsely advertised. Instead, it's a periodic table MADE with cupcakes. AAAAAHH I WOULD STILL EAT THEM INDISCRIMINATELY! Starting with lithium.

This periodic table of cupcakes is for a chemistry nerd's birthday party. Each cake is labeled with an element and color-coded by its state of matter. I hear hydrogen and helium are very light and fluffy. Looks like someone already ate ununseptium.

Yeah, but what do you do if they make you pass ignoble gas? Tape your b-hole shut, that's what. ZOMG, new fad diet -- you watch!

Periodic Table Cupcakes [neatorama]

Thanks to naas, who has never met a cupcake he doesn't like. Except 2 Girls 1 Cupcake, which he didn't hate.

Nov 30 2009 Droid Pron App Store Now Open For Business

Uninhibited by the oppressive app policing of Apple (even though shit like this gets past), an adults-only application store for the Droid has popped up. HELLO MiKandi! Get it? My Candy. Jesus, do I have to walk to you to the schoolbus too?

MiKandi is a white label app store for free and paid-for apps, allowing developers to upload more content around their filthy apps--including YouTube tutorials if you're so inclined. Asking developers "Maybe you're feeling like your innovative juices are being squeezed by not having the screenshots or video you need to properly showcase and sell your product?" they promise not to restrict any app unless it's illegal, further widening the cavity between Apple and Android.

MiKandi: The World's First Porn App Store for Android [gizmodo]

Thanks to darwinpolice, who notes, "there's a fap for that". Also, that you should probably be dead already.

Nov 30 2009 That's Not Even 8-Bit!: Video Game Paintings

I have no idea what video game that's supposed to be but I'm sure it's a classic. Miner 2049'er maybe? You've got to admit they look kind of similar if you cross your eyes and shake your head! Whatever it is, artist Brock Davis is responsible. Hit the jump to see his other simplistic renderings of Missile Command and Dig Dug. Now I know what you're thinking, "Jesus, I could do better". But we both know you're lying to yourself. Stop it, it isn't healthy.

Hit the jump for other two.

Continue Reading " That's Not Even 8-Bit!: Video Game Paintings "

Nov 29 2009 It's After My Head!: Giant Tarantula Backpack

This is a giant tarantula bookbag found on furaffinity.net by Geekologie Reader Kevin while searching for women that like to dress up as guinea pigs. It was made by talented user Dludnerad and stores a ton of whatever the hell people put in bookbags these days. Books, haha -- what is this, the 1800's?!

The amazing Tamara made me a mighty backpack for midfur. It's a gorgeous plush tarantula that clings to my back. He unzips beneath the mandibles so you can store goodies inside him.

Gleeee!

He's amazingly soft and warm!

My dad was in hospital for his cancer operation over the week. I perched this on the end of his bed so it could stare at him. Part of my plan to get his blood circulating!

Great job and a very heartwarming story. Hope your father pulled through the operation in good health and gave a big eff you to that cancer. If I had it my way only robots would get that shit. Plus oil AIDS.

Hit the jump for a shot of the spider on.

Continue Reading " It's After My Head!: Giant Tarantula Backpack "

Nov 29 2009 Very Impressive: Four Automatic Mario Levels Synchronized To Queen's 'Don't Stop Me Now'

We've seen automatic Mario levels in the past, but nothing this impressive. But you'll just have to watch to understand, because I suck at explaining things. But I'll try anyways: basically somebody designed four custom levels of Super Mario World to coincide with the four members of Queen's individual musical parts in 'Don't Stop Me Now'. Did that make any sense? See, I told you. Anything else I can explain poorly? BABIES COME FROM YOUR GENITALS, STUPID!

Youtube

Thanks to Azghul, who just killed a man. Put a gun against his head, pulled his trigger now HOLY SHIT HE'S A ZOMBIE -- RUUUN!

Nov 29 2009 Don't Copy That Floppy!: Evolution Of Storage

This is a little graphic charting the progress in music storage. It's part of a larger graphic which also includes the evolutions of photo and data storage. Click THIS BIG-ASS LINK RIGHT HERE to see the whole thing. But warning: prepare to be wowed. Or at least moderately impressed with how far we've come. Now let's put a man on the moon! Or a cat. Oh. My. God -- SPACE FURBABIES -- WANT!!

Man, We've Come a Long Way From Floppies [gizmodo]

Nov 29 2009 WTF Japan?: Fluorescent Tube Fighting

Finally, a sport manly enough for yours truly. Sorry guys, but I'm officially retiring from lava diving and shark rodeo. Now, which one of you handsome gents wants the honor of receiving my first highly-toxic pummeling? You in the front row -- scrawny guy with the eyepatch. In the wheelchair. BRING IT, I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Hit the jump for a bunch more shots, moderately graphic due to blood.

Continue Reading " WTF Japan?: Fluorescent Tube Fighting "

Nov 28 2009 Good Times: David Thorne's Latest Prankery

It's hard to top the 7-legged spider, but this is the latest from David Thorne. This time, an acquaintance asks for David's help creating some charts and graphics for a business venture. What happens? The exact same thing you wish you'd done to your boss a million times. Minus the desk-shitting.

Hit the jump to read the whole exchange.

Continue Reading " Good Times: David Thorne's Latest Prankery "

Nov 28 2009 Twilight Moms: Wait, What? Seriously, No.

TMsILF? No. NOT WORTH IT.

Picture

Thanks to Carrie, who doesn't fantasize about relationships with vampires OR cut herself.

Nov 28 2009 Roomba Saves Kids From Poisonous Snake

Apparently a Roomba operating in Israel recently sucked up a poisonous Vipera palaestinae, preventing it from killing a family's two children and pets. Too bad that poor snake WASN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING.

One evening last week Efi turned the robot on and left the house. When she returned she tried to turn it back on though it kept beeping and getting stuck. When she opened the machine she discovered that the machine prevented the small viper from occupying the home and hurting her young children. "He was probably looking for a place to hide in one of the rooms because of the upcoming winter." Eli explains.

Exactly. That poor lil guy was just looking for a place to stay warm for the winter when this robot came and TOOK ITS LIFE, completely upsetting a delicate ecosystem. Which, true story, IS ALL PART OF THE ROBOTIC MASTER PLAN. Global warming? Robots.

Hit the jump for one more of the poor little bastard all wrapped up and dead in the robot's killer spinning parts.

Continue Reading " Roomba Saves Kids From Poisonous Snake "

Nov 28 2009 TODAY ONLY: Star Wars 'Hothmas' T-Shirts

From Teefury comes 'Hothmas' a seasonal t-shirt feauring an AT-AT Rudolph getting wrapped up by a T-47 airspeeder. Teefury, like shirt.woot, features a different shirt every day. Except, unlike shirt.woot, Teefury's designs are gone forever after 24 hours with no chance of revival on the site (shirt.woot's 'Zombie Vampire Robots from Space' design featured two weeks now available again HERE for $15). $9 plus $2 shipping takes the shirt until midnight eastern, when I'll turn into a pumpkin awesome dragon.

Teefury (will be a different shirt every day)

Nov 28 2009 Pummel It With Snowballs!: LEGO Snowman

This is a LEGO snowman. As in, a snowman that looks like a giant LEGO minifig. And, even if his head is a little lopsided, I've still got to hand it to the builders: every snowman I've ever built turned into a giant penis. Then the cops would come joke around with it before kicking it over while I took pictures from my snow-fort. I bet your wives would like to see these!

LEGO Snowman [manolis.soup]

Thanks to Muffintits, your daily allowance of dairy and grain in one serving.

Nov 27 2009 I'd Drink A Case: New Scottish Beer Takes Cake For Highest Alcohol Content at 32%

Well folks, there's a new drunkest beer in town. And that beer is Tactical Nuclear Penguin by BrewDog Brewery in Scottland -- at 32% alcohol by volume content. I WANT IT INSIDE ME! Too bad it's gonna cost $49.50 a bottle. I'm sticking to isopropyl!

A warning on the label states: "This is an extremely strong beer; it should be enjoyed in small servings and with an air of aristocratic nonchalance. In exactly the same manner that you would enjoy a fine whisky, a Frank Zappa album or a visit from a friendly yet anxious ghost."

However Jack Law, of Alcohol Focus Scotland, described it was a "cynical marketing ploy" and said: "We want to know why a brewer would produce a beer almost as strong as whisky."

I don't know what kind of idiot test you have to pass to join Alcohol Focus Scotland, but for the sake of Jack Law, the answer is, "to get people drunk". Jesus, it's not rocket surgery.

'World's strongest' beer with 32% strength launched [bbcnews]

Thanks to 2MechanicalArms, Kitteh and Ross, who once drank 240% alcohol and loved every sip of it.

Nov 27 2009 Tis NEVER The Season For Synchronized Robots Dancing To Christmas Music

Ever wanted to see a bunch of robots synchronized to dance to Christmas music? Yeah, me neither. NEVER. Not even at my lowest. But I had to watch it and now you do too. You can barely hear the music over their little mechanical joints creaking, but it's still chock full of holiday apocalyptic spirit. And speaking of spirits: you think this is the ghost of Christmas future? You f***ed up Scrooge, you f***ed up.

Synchronized Robot Christmas Dance [break]

Thanks to Kim, Brian, Darken and cougrrr, who have never, EVER danced with a robot in the pail moonlight.

Nov 27 2009 For Twihards: Team Jacob Laptop Decals

I don't really understand the Team Edward/Team Jacob rivalry but from what I've gathered it has something to do with if you'd rather have sex with a vampire or werewolf. Me? I've always been a gargoyle kind of guy. These laptop decals are available from Etsy seller vinylfruit in a plethora of colors for $10. Now I'm sure several of you are gonna complain about having to see Twilight shit on here, but you know what? You continued watching 2 Girls 1 Cup AFTER KNOWING WHAT WAS HAPPENING. Just sayin'.
Etsy Product Page
via
one for the tech geeks of team jacob [technabob]

Nov 27 2009 Burj Dubai Loves Getting Struck By Lightning

Apparently the Burj Dubai (the world's tallest building) can't stop getting hit by lightning. Well what do you expect being a half a mile tall? That's like a 7-foot woman walking around and people not yelling, "that's a huge bitch!" Also, this may or may not be Allah's way of saying, "Dubai -- this shit's getting out of hand" (It 100% is).

Hit the jump for two more shots and a video of a lightning strike in action.

Continue Reading " Burj Dubai Loves Getting Struck By Lightning "

Nov 27 2009 I Don't Remember That: Not-Right Nativities

This is a little gallery of nativity scenes with characters and situations I don't remember reading in the bible. But maybe that's because I read the King James version and IT WAS EDITED. You know that song, 'We Three Kings'? It was originally written, 'We Three Kings and Our Dinosaurs. All the images are available as 5x7 photographic prints and make perfect Christmas cards. And you know what else do? Valentines with all the words crossed out. THESE ARE HARD TIMES.

Hit the jump for four more and the link to even more.

Continue Reading " I Don't Remember That: Not-Right Nativities "

Nov 27 2009 Why It Takes Link So Long To Save Zelda

Ever wonder why it takes Link so damn long to save Princess Zelda and free Hyrule from the evil clutches of Ganondong? This is videographic evidence why. Geez, EYES ON THE PRIZE, LINK, EYES ON THE PRIZE. I'm talking about Zelda's panties. (I'll buy a pair off you)

The Legend of Link's Distractions [collegehumor]

Thanks to Linda, The Geekologies Writer lover, Niki, Colby, well thats nice and JGD, who haven't saved any princesses but have rescued kittens stuck in trees WHICH IS EQUAL AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

Nov 27 2009 SWITCH Screwdriver: For EXTRA Torque

The SWITCH Screwdriver has a handle that can transform (and rotate out!) from a standard handle to one that's perpendicular to the shaft for EXTRA TORQUE and EXTREME SCREWING! SUNDAY! SUNDAY SUNDAY! But truthful, I only posted this because one of the inventors' names is Wang Dongdong. Best journalist in the world? You better believe it!

Designed by Jiangdang University students Liu Yunlong, Jia Peng, Cheng Peng, Wang Dongdong and Xin Yaoyao, the SWITCH has a shaft that can lock into place at 90 degrees to the handle, making it easier to tighten screws to their most secure.

Yes, secure screws are important. I'm talking about wrapping it up, folks. Fun fact: there are actually STDs that can make your wiener/vagina fall off.

SWITCH screwdriver a simple, credible idea [dvice]

Nov 27 2009 Cuuute: The Many Faces Of A Space Invader

Who knew Space Invaders liked playing dress up so much? I did. But only because a couple years ago I caught one waltzing around the apartment in my girlfriend's evening dress and a push-up bra. Kidding, that was me. God I've never felt so pretty.

The Many Faces Of A Space Invader [albotas]

Nov 26 2009 Girl Destroying Boyfriend's XBox 360

Ever wanted to see some tramp destroy her boyfriend's XBox 360? Then you're in luck. And after if you want to see a video of the halfwit boyfriend golfing her laptop to pieces as revenge, there's one of those after the jump. Although, truthfully, I'm pretty sure the items were defective already and this is these two's attempt at fame, in which case: congratulations, you made it on Geekologie right above a cake that looks like a turd.

Hit the jump for dude golfing her laptop. And I will admit: guy has one hell of a swing. Not as good as a tire, but not bad.

Continue Reading " Girl Destroying Boyfriend's XBox 360 "

Nov 26 2009 I'd Still Gobble It Up: Turkey Cake Failure

I don't care if it looks like a turd with a tail, I would still eat it BECAUSE I'M NOT WASTEFUL. The Geekologie Writer's plate is always a happy plate. With dinosaurs on it. And, sometimes, second helpings.

Turkey Cake Fail [failblog]

Thanks to Aisha, who had thirds one time. Thirds, crazy!

Nov 26 2009 Easy Decisions: Thanksgiving Night Flowchart

Wonder what you're doing tonight? This is what you're doing tonight. Now you don't have to think, just trace your path with a bloated, cranberry stained finger. Don't worry, I'm looking out for you. With binoculars. In the bushes across the street. Also, I'm using a sonic-ear. You just said you don't believe me. Do you believe me now?

How You'll Spend Thanksgiving Night [collegehumor]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who ate so much he'll have to sleep in a room tonight.

Nov 26 2009 Uh-Oh: Large Hadron Has Begun Colliding

That's right folks, even bread and trying to destroy itself from the future can't keep the Large Hadron Collider from colliding. The beast recently made it's first low-power collision and, amazingly, you're still here to read this. And me to write it. So I guess we should both be thankful for that. Thanksgiving joke, HIYO!

From CERN:

Next on the schedule is an intense commissioning phase aimed at increasing the beam intensity and accelerating the beams. All being well, by Christmas, the LHC should reach 1.2 TeV per beam, and have provided good quantities of collision data for the experiments' calibrations.

CERN Director General Rolf Heuer remarked that it was "a great achievement to have come this far in so short a time." Granted, it may not seem all that short to those of us that have been following its progress, but a year of delays for a multi-billion dollar project and the largest science experiment ever endeavored by mankind doesn't seem so bad.

Well the world's gotta end sometime, amirite? I'd just assume it be now because, God, FOOD COMA. Did I say coma? I meant I'm going to projectile vomit.

Large Hadron Collider finally collides for the first time [dvice]

Thanks outlawkitsune, Duck N' Cover, jaja, MoD, Mih0, Dan the Hammer, MrMaclean, Ben, Jon and everyone else whose emails I couldn't find because I've already started drinking. HAPPY THANIKSGF S!IG!

Nov 26 2009 Go Ahead, Get Stuffed: Happy Thanksgiving!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! Now let's go around the table and tell everyone what we're thankful for. Here, I'll get us started: the internet. Okay, and the sun. Love that thing, so bright.

Hit the jump to see a video of the kitten-in-a-basket photoshoot.

Continue Reading " Go Ahead, Get Stuffed: Happy Thanksgiving!! "

Nov 25 2009 Cheat Sheet: Hang Up In Your Time Machine

This is part of a cheat-sheet (worthwhile full version HERE) you're supposed to hang up in your time machine so you can steal everyone's credit for discoveries and inventions of the past. Smaaaart. I definitely just printed one out and taped it to the dash of my time traveling box (literally, I made it out of a refrigerator box). MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Soon the history books will read: Geekologie Writer: World's Greatest Lover (He did the Sphinx!).

Available as both $18 print or shirt.

Product Site (poster) and Shirt

Thanks to Nik, who's gonna try to go back and take the title from me but like I said I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST LOVER NOT A FIGHTER.

Nov 25 2009 Star Wars Characters' Facebook Updates

This is a little gallery of Star Wars characters' Facebook status updates and replies. They're worth a few laughs. Not as many as if we had a tank of nitrous, but some. Just close your eyes and imagine your best friend getting rammed in the nuts by a kid on a Razor scooter. Oh yeah, that's the stuff. In closing, you may think Anakin Skywalker was immaculately conceived by The Force. But no, it was me.

Oh, and if you haven't already, join the Geekologie Facebook page HERE. Do it, BFF. DO IT NOW.

Hit the jump for four more.

Continue Reading " Star Wars Characters' Facebook Updates "

Nov 25 2009 Super Awesome BTTF Delorean Crysis Mod

I highly recommend watching this video starting around 1:00 and watching to the end because somebody got super-clever with this Back to the Future mod for Crysis. I don't want to ruin it for you, but it's freaking awesome. Like the first time you ever rode down carpeted stairs on a baking sheet. (But less concussion-y)

Youtube

Thanks to Antonio, who doesn't need roads where he's going because he owns a jetpack. JEALOUS!

Nov 25 2009 Geeky Comic Book Style Wedding Invitation

When I get married again
If I ever get married again
If any of my friends are ever talking about getting married I'm gonna suggest they make similar wedding invitations.

Reenie [the future bride] sez, "The wording [on the back] is my favorite part. It reads: '[We] request the honor of your presence as two geeks save the princess, resist the dark side and pledge their lives (extra, or otherwise) to each other.' And we snuck a Hyrulian crest in there too!"

With adorableness like that can you believe she actually had doubts about using these invitations!? Mostly for fear that the older generations wouldn't "get it." But then she realized, "if people don't like the invites then they probably won't get the 'Mario Kart Love Song' that plays on our wedsite, or the lightsaber duel mid-ceremony, or the gaming stations or my Death Cab for Cutie inspired wedding tattoo, or any of the other stuff that is 'us.'"

I assume you lost my address or something, because I haven't gotten my invite yet. Also, what's the open bar situation at the reception? What do you mean you aren't having one? Oh, here's my invitation! Yeah, not gonna be able to make it.

Amazing comic book style invitation [offbeatbride]

Thanks to Vicky, who rode a unicorn away from her wedding instead of a tacky convertible with baked bean cans clanking along behind.

Nov 25 2009 For The Person Who Has Everything....

A stuffed squirrel on a Harley. Because nothing says, "Seriously, I f***ing have everything else" LIKE A TAXIDERMIED SQUIRREL ON A MOTORCYCLE.

Wild Grey Squirrel on a HARLEY DAVISON MOTORBIKE................... Great for any Motorbike fan........

16ins long. 6ins wide. 11.5ins high

Would make a good Christmas present..

Created by an experienced Taxidermist

Whew, well that's a relief. Because for a second I was worried it was just created by an inexperienced driver who hit a squirrel and likes playing with dead animals. Which, for the record, really isn't that weird. Is it, Mr. Opossum? Wave hi to all the readers!

eBay Auction

Thanks to Walrus, who isn't stuffed with anything but blubber. Can I sleep on your belly?

Nov 25 2009 You Can't Go Wrong With Count Chocula: The 'What Cereal Should I Eat' Flowchart

This is the 'What Should I Eat?' flowchart (high-res version HERE) for cold breakfast cereals (the best kind -- suck it cream of wheat!). It was made by Eating the Road, the same food-loving mother that made the Fast Food Edition. I like it. Of course, typically my breakfast options are pretty limited (read: last night's pizza or go hungry). Still, I anxiously await the day where I'm rich enough to afford milk and bowls.

What Should I Eat? Cereal Edition [eatingtheroad]

Thanks to Eating the Road himself, whose had more than his fair share of road salt and dead raccoons.

Nov 25 2009 Self Proclaimed 'Rocket Man' Attemps Flight From Africa To Europe, Crashes Into Atlantic

Remember Swiss rocketeer Yves Rossy, the self proclaimed 'Rocket Man' (formally 'Fusion Man')? Well he may lose his title after stealing a move from Amelia Earhart's playbook and crash landing at sea in an attempt to fly from Morocco to Spain. Geez, way to fail to inspire. Our youth will never pursue careers in jetpackery!

Yves Rossy took off from Tangiers but five minutes into an expected 15-minute flight he was obliged to ditch into the wind-swept waters.

"The good news is that he fine," Stuart Sterzel, spokesman for sponsors Webtel.mobi, told reporters on a beach outside this southern Spanish town, where Rossy was supposed to land.

Sterzel said the wing malfunctioned, possibly due to engine failure, but said Rossy had deployed his parachute and landed in the water in a controlled fashion.

"Landed in the water in a controlled fashion". LAAAME. If there's anything I've learned about jetpacking it's the only way to land is COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL. Plus, bonus points for crashing into a building. 1-UP if you crash into a woman's apartment while she's changing.

Rocket man fails to fly from Morocco to Spain [msnbc]

Thanks to Chad Da Bad and TofuButcher, who could have made the flight sans rocketpack. Don't ask how (magic).

Nov 25 2009 The Muppets Performing Bohemian Rhapsody

This is a video of the Muppets performing Queen's iconic 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. It was really well make except for the part with Animal repeatedly yelling "Mama". That part made me want to cry blood out of my ears. Which I've done before (Lady Gaga). Except 'Poker Face', I'll shake my ass to that jam any day. And you'll like it. But no pictures -- it'll break your camera!

Youtube

Thanks to Zach, Michael, scottie and Ana, who want to ride their bicycles, they want to ride their bikes.

Nov 25 2009 PC Desk Has Built In Water-Cooled Computer

This is a desk with a water-cooled computer built right in to its very soul. And....is that an ashtray and cigarettes? VOIDED WARRANTY IS VOIDED.

It's all built from the ground up: desk and computer, custom designed to fit the maker's needs. Even the reservoir was designed specifically to fit this desk. And now that it's finished? He needs to start making them for everyone else!

I kind of like how the motherboard is all open access so my cats can jump in there and lay on top of it. Because that's 100& exactly what they'd do. Shut up I know my symbols, okay~

Hit the jump for a closeup of the computer part.

Continue Reading " PC Desk Has Built In Water-Cooled Computer "

Nov 25 2009 Fire In The Hole Mashed Potatoes!: Grenade Shaped Salt & Pepper Shakers

The $16 Taste Explosion Salt & Pepper Shakers look like grenades. And speaking of salt and pepper: Uuuuuuh! Push it -- push it real good. Awh yeah, that's what I'm talking about! Now when somebody asks you to pass the salt and pepper you can chuck these and then dive under the table for cover. Or, I dunno, just pass them like normal IF YOU'RE COOL SUCKING AT LIFE. Me? I live life to the fullest. Look out grandma!

Product Site

Thanks to TJ and napalm, who have high blood pressure and have to watch their salt intake.

Nov 24 2009 Data In The Couch Cushions: USB Sofas

Ever wanted a couch with USB storage in it? Me neither, but now that I know it exists I must have it! And I better not lose data like pocket change.

The sofas were made by creative design studio Cabracega for last year's International Festival for the Post-Digital Creation Culture (OFFF). As you can see (you'll have to squint a little) the sofas have USB cables coming out of them. The 4 sofas store a total of 14GB of files which doesn't seem like a lot, but I'm pretty sure no other storage device can accommodate up to 4 people

So now you can literally SIT on your porn stash. Get it? Because before you were only doing it figuratively, but now you'll be doing it literally! Well of course it's not funny if I have to explain it. Or that it really never was. DON'T ACT LIKE I DON'T KNOW. I know.

usb sofas: the best flash drive ever made [technabob]

Nov 24 2009 He's With Me!: Obama's Weighs In On Robots

President Obama, clearly an avid Geekologie Reader, finally threw in his two cents about the harbingers of the apocalypse as part of "Educate to Innovate", a campaign designed to keep kids off drugs interested in inventing shit that'll keep us technologically superior to the Ruskies. And, as you can see, the guy knows what's up. Now I know what you're thinking, "but GW, it seems like he's promoting robots in that first bit". Not the case. What the president meant was that robotics inspire young people TO THINK UP NEW WAYS TO KILL THINGS. Which is exactly why the advanced race that once lived in Atlantis invented science in the first place. GEEKOLOGIE WRITER FOR SECRETARY OF F***KING UP ROBOTS 2010!!

Obama to Robots: I'm Watching You [gizmodo]

Thanks to Jeff, Prestone, cakey hamburger, TylerNerd, Sean, Ken, Dan, ffffffffffffffffffffff, Blastphemer, naminess, Martin and huck, who can all be interns.

Nov 24 2009 Matrix Slow-Motion Bullet Scene In LEGO

This is a video of the "Trinity help" slow-motion bullets scene from The Matrix recreated entirely in LEGO. Admittedly, it was very well made.

After around 440 hours of work, and just in time for the 10th anniversary of the original movie release, we are pleased to present to you our Lego version of the famous Bullet Time dodge scene from The Matrix.

Jesus, 440 hours? I could have done it in 430. 435 tops.

Hit the jump for a side-by-side comparison with the original movie and a link the the project page.

Continue Reading " Matrix Slow-Motion Bullet Scene In LEGO "

Nov 24 2009 Good Times: Joe Biden Jr. Buys Call Of Duty

I thought this was pretty funny. And no, that's not really one of Biden's sons -- that he knows about. Mostly I just posted it so I could take this time to brag about never having to buy a strategy guide thanks to my L337 gaming skeels. Sure I may have peaked at an online walk-through to get past the Water Temple in Ocarina of Time, but who didn't, amirite? Whaaaaaat? LIES YOUR FACE LIES!

Biden Jr. [comixed]

Thanks to Nathan, who once wrote a strategy guide on being awesome but I went back in time and stole it as soon as he was finished. The rest is history.

Nov 24 2009 Possibly The Awesomest Shirt Ever Created

'OG Vampires' is arguably the awesomest shirt ever created. And it comes to us from the very skilled hand of Geekologie artist-in-residence Jesse Starr. Jesse just started his own t-shirt company (Zombie Tee Shirt Company) and this is one of his original designs. $20 makes you the coolest kid in school. Besides me, cause I'm gonna cut the front off one and safety-pin it to the back of another. 2X COOL! -- coming AND going. Speaking of which, don't lie -- you love watching me leave. It's my ass, isn't it? Yeah, it's a pretty good one.

Zombie Tee Shirt Company
and
Jesse's DeviantART Page

Nov 24 2009 Well Done: Know Your Enemy's Weak Points

This is a little cheat-sheet designed to remind you how to defeat your enemies. It might come in handy for some of you, but I don't need it because I can kill just about anything with my good looks. And by good looks I obviously mean laser blaster. Although I did defeat a mirror once with my fist. Then I took some artsy pictures of myself in its shattered surface. Holy shit I'm emo. :'( God, please don't tell anybody.

Know Your Enemy (Especially His Weak Points) [kotaku]

Thanks to Blastphemer, for two tips in one day. Darn, and I just ran out of prizes.

Nov 24 2009 Effective: How To Quit Your Design Job

Apparently this is a real resignation from a designer in Doesitreallymatter, Somestate, that was tired of being treated like the proverbial piece of monkey shit. According to somebody who allegedly knew what was going on:

He believed he was in a temp-to-hire position, and after three months of extra hours and butt-kissing, turns out it's just a temp position. He was a good worker too. I'd have recommended him. Too bad he burned his bridges.

First of all, I want it to be noted that the Geekologie Writer doesn't brown-lip. And thirdly, "too bad he burned his bridges?" Really? More like TOO BAD HE ERECTED A TOWER OF AWESOME! I'd hire this guy and I don't even have anything for him to do besides quit. I can't wait to see how it does it this time!

One of my co-workers quit today. We found this on his desktop. [reddit] (with a huge discussion of how this makes people feel. Like others care -- HA!)
via
Best "I Quit" Note Ever [thehighdefinite]

Thanks to Blastphemer, who once quit a job with two gallons of gasoline and a pack of matches.

Nov 24 2009 DO NOT LIKE: It's Raining Polar Bears

WARNING: Video is graphic (in case you couldn't tell by the screenshot) due to simulated polar bear deaths.

This is a disturbing video of it raining polar bears (why couldn't it be men?!) funded by U.K. based Plane Stupid, an anti-airport expansion (read: terrorist) organization.

Brief: We wanted to confront people with the impact that short-haul flights have on the climate. We used Polar Bears because they're a well understood symbol of the effect that climate change is having on the natural world.

Granted I didn't even read the quote, but did that stop me from stealing my roommate's credit card and donating $30 to the SPCA? It did not.

Youtube

Thanks to Matthew, mike and The Baroness, who love polar bears but not enough to hug one because they will maul the shit out of you.

Nov 24 2009 Mashed Peas, You Are Cleared For Landing

The $25 Illuminated JetBib from ThinkGeek is by far the greatest advance in baby-feeding technology since the tit. The bib and wing tips feature flashing LEDs to ensure a smooth flight and that all food aboard Gerber flight B4BY makes it safely to the hanger. Plus, the spoon end is removable for easy cleaning. That's just smart product design right there. WW2 flight helmet and goggles optional, but highly recommended. Uh-oh -- bogeys at nine o'clock! Dinner's at seven. AND DON'T BE LATE. BARREL ROLL, BARREL ROLL! Little help over here, Fox McCloud! RAT-A-TAT-A-TAT! BOOM! I've been hit -- eject, EJECT! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!! Great, now the baby's crying. But seriously, I think you can tell I'd make a great father.

ThinkGeek Product Site
via
JetBib: Baby food, you're cleared for landing [dvice]

Nov 24 2009 Apple: Smoking May Void Your Warranty

So apparently smoking cigarettes or other tobacco products (no word on the ganj) may void your Mac warranty. Plus kill you slow. Hey, that's booze's job!

Consumer advocate blog The Consumerist reports two examples of Apple stores refusing to honour the warranty on a Mac because of contamination from cigarette smoke. It seems the faults could be attributed to exposure to smoke and accumulated tar, although there is no specific mention of cigarette smoke in the AppleCare warranty contract.

When pushed for clarification, Apple insisted that nicotine is on the Occupational Safety and Health Administration's list of hazardous substances and Apple would not require an employee to repair anything deemed hazardous to their health.

Because I have a degree in investigative journalism am a ninja I called Apple this morning to clarify. Yeah, and I had them patch me in to Steve Jobs' iPhone, where I asked the really hard hitting questions, "But what about pole? Hello? HELLO? STEVE?"

Should smoking void your warranty? [digihub]

Thanks to b00geyman, who only smokes cheeba, it helps him with his brain, he might be a little dusted but he's not insane.

Nov 23 2009 Just Released: Sweet Marioflage Hoodie

If you've been reading Geekologie for awhile, you may recall the Marioflage 1-1 hoodie we posted around this time last year. Well now Enclothe is back with a World 1-2 version. Suck it, goombas!

A natural progression from our last Marioflage hoodie. Featuring inspired 8-bit graphics and a dark underground color scheme this hoodie is sure to get you through long night gaming sessions.

The softhand 8-bit camouflage pattern begins to break apart and degrade near the top, perhaps the work of an improvised GameShark code or dust in the cartridge?

The hoodie is available now for $65. But, if that's not your cup of tea, do yourself a favor and check out some of their other designs. I rarely promote anything but I've paid some of my own hard-earned money for several of their shirts. That's right, I said hard-earned. You don't know me!

Hit the jump for some more product shots and another link to the website.

Continue Reading " Just Released: Sweet Marioflage Hoodie "

Nov 23 2009 More Auto-Tuned Science Singing: 'Our Place In The Cosmos', Or, 'The Middle Of Nowhere'

In the third installment of the Symphony of Science series comes 'Our Place In The Cosmos', a quartet of interplanetary song by Carl Sagan, Richard Dawkins, Michio Kaku and Robert Jastrow. This is definitely the "Barry White" song of the series so far, and there is no doubt in my mind you could make out with a legally blind woman to it. Also, do you think it's just a coincidence the video is 4:20 long OR IS THE UNIVERSE TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING? Pack the bong, STAT. I'm coming, God!

Symphony of Science Project
and
Youtube

Thanks to Jonathan and Kelly C., who once sang into a telescope thinking it was a giant mic.

Nov 23 2009 Impressive!: A Triple Serving Of Geekery

This is a picture by deviantARTist Rose-Bullets of the Vulcan salute made out of Elvish bread ON A DINOSAUR PLATE. Geekiest thing you've seen all day? No? Well screw you Mr. I See All Kinds Of Super Geeky Things -- how about a tip every once in awhile? You are such a jerk.

Rose-Bullet's DeviantART Page

Thanks to sham, who once challenged me to a geek-off competition but I had to turn her down because I was too busy SOLVING CANCER WITH MATH AND VIDEO GAMES. Boom, I win.

Nov 23 2009 The Physical Vs. Mental Attractiveness Graph

Some would argue that I actually belong completely off the upper right side of the chart. And those people would be correct.

Infographic of the Day: The Brains vs. Beauty Quandry [fastcompany]

Thanks to Zach, whose handsomeness and genius can't even be quantified on a two dimensional graph.

Nov 23 2009 BOOM, Instant Attractive: Pikachu Ski Mask

This knitted Pikachu ski mask from deviantARTist Sugarcoatidli3z is just the thing to spice up your love life/rob a bank/scare children/grow humongous breasts.

Whatever your motivation, textile extraordinaire Andrea has got you covered. Armed with her own pattern, twelve hours of spare time, and a buttload of yarn, she made this Pikachu ski mask for facial protection during the cold winter months. You know what she could say if she was trying to scare people while wearing it? Pika-BOO!

Pika-BOO -- where was I on that? Damnit. Anyway, I was gonna say something about spicing up your love life. What was it? Oh, right -- everybody who's ever wanted to make love to a character from a children's video game, raise your hand. Police, arrest those people. NOT ME -- I just had an itch! DAMN YOU, ZELDA!....and Samus....and Peach!

....and Charizard.

A Scary Pikachu Ski Mask [hawtymcbloggy]

Thanks to Kelly, who knows that looking good almost always involves a mask....for you. Not her.

Nov 23 2009 Rolls Royce To 'Rolls Out' A 2010 Electric Car

Sorry, I'm still chuckling about how funny the title I came up with was. With isn't it all. And that, I think we can all agree, is (the new) testament of my awesome. Anyway, Rolls Royce, a company best known for me owning like two die-cast models of their cars its soul, is releasing an electric version of the Phantom sometime next year.

Last year Rolls-Royce CEO Tom Purves hinted that the luxury automaker might introduce an electric car, but now a source inside the company has confirmed that an electric version of their flagship Phantom is planned for late 2010. This will give them plenty of time before the 2012 London Olympics to get things rolling.

No word yet on cost, but expect it to be somewhat more than the current gas powered version's $380,000 price tag.

I've got news for you, Richy Rich: if you're actually considering dropping $400K+ on a car, you should hire me. This isn't a joke, I'm being 100% serious. HIRE ME. Two words: Piggyback rides!

Rolls-Royce plans to introduce an electric Phantom in 2010 [dvice]

Nov 23 2009 Ultrasonic Proof: Couple Convinced Their Unborn Baby Looks Like Michael Jackson

Not to be outclassed by the recent Drybones baby, a family in the U.K. claims to be birthing Michael Jackson's head. And, based on the ultrasonic evidence, I have to admit: that is indeed Michael Jackson getting poked in the nose with a penis turd.

Mum and dad-to-be Dawn Kelley and William Hickman, from Sunderland, couldn't believe their eyes when looking at this scan of their unborn baby - seeing the face of Jacko staring back at them.

But the baby will not be called Michael - the couple know they're having a girl.

Ms Kelley, who is 24 weeks' pregnant, due in March, said: "I've had plenty of scans before and none of the photos have ever looked like this. It's a bit spooky.

"But it is my seventh child, and seven is a mythical number."

Mythical number 7, riiiiiiight. Listen, I'm not so sure you should be breeding so much. Probably should have stuck with good ol' non-mythical 0. Just sayin'! (Do you know anything about dragons?)

'Our unborn baby looks like Michael Jackson!' [shieldsgazette]

Thanks to Aslan=Jesus and The Geekologies Writer lover, who, have you been drinking again?

Nov 23 2009 For You Twi-hards: Three Wolf Moon Trailer

To celebrate how much New Moon sucked the proverbial shimmering wang, here's a trailer for Three Wolf Moon, which, at least based on this video, might actually be worth watching. That said, I did go see New Moon this weekend BUT ONLY TO MAKE A BOOTLEG. Line starts by the garage door, ladies.

Twilight: Three Wolf Moon [collegehumor]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in whose emails are all over the place and I would never be able to name all of: I owe you my life a pint of blood one.

Nov 23 2009 Mother Nature's A Bitch Fan: Star Wars Plants

These are some plant parts from a New York Times article about I have no idea what but look -- the Millennium Falcon! Sure somebody just cut a leaf to look like an iconic spaceship, but that's newsworthy, isn't it?* Also, chestnuts: haha -- you passed out with your shoes on!

*D-bag say no

Picture [nytimes]

Thanks to Dustin, who once found a tree that looked like slave Leia but I rented a backhoe and uprooted it and took the gold bikini before he could do anything about it.

Nov 23 2009 Where Should I Eat?: A Fast Food Flowchart

This is a fast food flowchart you can use to determine where to eat if you can't make up your mind and/or don't care about eating healthy. Larger version HERE. And speaking of larger versions -- there's gonna be one of you if you follow this flowchart everyday! Also, soda has lots of calories in it because of the sugar. Now urine -- urine is like the Coke Zero of bodily fluids. Plus, no expiration date.

Flowchart Helps You Determine What Crap to Eat [grubstreet.newyork]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who made a urine recycler after watching Kevin Costner drink his own pee in Waterworld (great movie).

Nov 22 2009 AMAAAZING Bioshock Cosplay At Aquarium

This is an amazing Big Daddy/Little Sister cosplay gallery taken at the Georgia Aquarium courtesy of the amazing talent of Harrison Krix, who made the Big Daddy suit and Little Sister ADAM syringe. He's also the one IN the suit, and that's his fiancee as the Little Sister. Harrison runs Volpin Props and does commission work, but is busy until July 2010, when he's also getting married. Good looking, guys -- and great location for the shoot. Too bad I'd trap bolt the shit out of that hallway. AND wrestle all the sharks when it floods.

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more of the awesome and another link to Volpin Props.

Continue Reading " AMAAAZING Bioshock Cosplay At Aquarium "

Nov 22 2009 For When You Can't Kill: Sign Spinning

This is a video of ninja/sign-spinner Matthew Kermode. He can spin a sign like nobody's business. But it is -- he works for a sign-spinning business!

Taking his headphones off to talk with us for a second, the sign samurai handed us a card out of his wallet: "Matthew Kermode -- AArrow Sign Spinner, Spinstructor." (Yes, "AArrow.") He said he's been doing this for 10 years now, translating his martial arts work to a more marketable skill. Kermode mostly works in the East Bay for the Martinez-based AArrow, spinning signs for housing developers. As far as who today's client Jigsaw is, "I'm not 100-percent sure."

Kermode tried to be modest, saying he's not the most talented spinner in the company. "We have a team of 15 guys right now and they all have talent. Different degrees of skill, but they all have talent." He couldn't have gotten the title "Spinstructor" for nothing.

"...translating his martial arts work to a more marketable skill"??? What's more marketable than STEALTH ASSASSIN-RY? I can't think of anything. Well, besides handsome blogger. Yep yep yep, TONS of opportunity over here.

The Amazing Spinning Sign Samurai Wows Fourth Street [sfweekly]

Thanks to Rich the Destroyer, Bob the Builder's mortal enemy. And Q, who makes wacky gadgets.

Nov 22 2009 Game Controller Ornaments: Controllaments

Looking for some stylized video game controller ornaments for your Christmas tree this year? Then look no further than these laser-cut plastic joints! TA-DOW.

Each set comes with 7 ornaments, including 2-dimensional cutout versions of Wii, N64, Xbox 360, Dreamcast, NES, PS2 and Sega Genesis controllers. The ornaments each measure between 3 and 4 inches wide, so they're a bit smaller than the real deals.

They're available in 6 colors, including red, white, yellow, black, clear, and red-tinted acrylic, and can be found over at Digits' Ponoko or Etsy shops for just $20 bucks a set.

Alternatively, take your controllers from yesteryear and drape them around the tree like tinsel. Thread popcorn onto the cords for a real decorative touch. Are you getting this, Martha? I WILL OUT-DECORATE YOU ANY DAY. Love your recipes!

Hit the jump for a close-up and some different colors.

Continue Reading " Game Controller Ornaments: Controllaments "

Nov 22 2009 It's No Spider: Pokémon Battle Algebra

Future college dropout Matthew didn't know how to work out problem #1 on a recent algebra quiz, so instead he filled the space with an amateur sketch of Charizard attempting to burninate (Trogdor tie-in FTW) the answer out of the ruins of his ineptness. Unfortunately, the teacher came back and PWN'd Matthew's Charizard with an even worse drawing of Blastoise (which may or may not actually be a flea). Wow guys, is this what higher education has come to -- Pokémon math battles? Because that's awesome if it has.

Pokémon Calculus Fail [albotas]

Nov 21 2009 Best Idea EVER: Cats For Gold

Trading in worthless gold for cats: 14K genius. Say -- can I see that ring?

Cats For Gold

Thanks to catsforgold, Seth, Alex and mary91, who, hey what happened to my necklace? Oh that's right I TURNED IT INTO CATS.

Nov 21 2009 Old Dog, New Tricks: Dog Playing Tony Hawk

You know the new Tony Hawk: Ride game that comes with a skateboard peripheral? This is a dog playing it -- and he's pretty good (except the 360 was obviously FAAAAKE). Which brings up an interesting question -- what is it with bulldogs and skateboarding? They love that shit for some reason. If I was a bulldog I would just lay in the sun and lick myself.

This Bulldog Is Better at Tony Hawk Than You [gizmodo]

Nov 21 2009 Huh?: "Plane Misses Runway, Lands In Lava"

A passenger plane headed for an airport in eastern Congo overshot the runway (spider solitaire) and ended up crash-landing in lava. Wicked! Of course, I'm making this cooler than it actually was because it wasn't molten lava and it wasn't in the middle of a volcano. Truthfully, I don't even know why I'm reporting this besides 1. I'm awesome and B. journalism.

The plane was flying from Kinshasa to Goma, and passengers had warned the crew that there were heavy clouds, Radio Okapi said.

An official from the U.N. mission in Congo, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he does not have permission to speak with media, said there were 117 passengers aboard.

Thankfully, nobody was injured. Oh -- and I love how people that don't have permission to speak are always speaking. Such rule-breakers! Now, not to honk my own bike horn or anything, but crash landing an airplane in lava isn't that impressive. Because one time I docked my pirate ship in the middle of an earthquake. Seriously, right in the middle. The epicenter. I know the terminology, it happened.

Plane misses runway, lands in lava [msnbc]

Thanks to iceman, who would have cooled the lava with his superpowers and made an ice skating rink.

Nov 21 2009 Food For Thought Your Feet: Bread Shoes

They're slippers. They're made out of bread. You can wear them then eat them. But you won't, because that's disgusting. I jest, knowing you you probably will. Freak. Just remember to take them off first.

Martynas Birskys of the Vilnius-based design studio DaDaDa sells slippers made out of bread. For your comfort, you can select from various sizes and grains. It's hard to argue with his sales pitch "eatable...dries itself... made from bread...first in fashion...needs no pressing...feels good in dry climate ...won't sag."

Tipster crystal noted these would probably go great with a little -- wait for it -- wait for it -- toe jam. I get it! I get it! you're trying to steal my job.

Bread Shoes [neatorama]

Thanks crystal, BUT I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU.

Nov 20 2009 Google: Perfect For Searching AND Wiping

Google toilet paper: made with 100% virgin pulp and available in Vietnam. Per a questionable translation of the text on the bag: "Very long, soft, smooth. Of high vacuum, because you always!" HIGH VACUUM, OF COURSE I ALWAYS! Dingleberry free, just sayin'.

This Google's made from 100% Virgin pulp, not chrome [engadget]

Thanks to wes, who only wipes with Charmin because the dude's a bear.

Nov 20 2009 NSFW NSFW: WTF DID I JUST WATCH?! SERIOUSLY, W.T.F. DID I JUST WATCH?!

WARNING: NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW

This is the highly, highly, HIGHLY NSFW music video for the Flair's 'Truckers Delight'. I can't even begin to describe to you how dirty I felt after watching it. Unless you've ever swam in pig shit and then showered in vomit afterward. In which case, Jesus, join another pool.

Youtube

Thanks Smee and Kaerus, I'll split my therapist's bills between the two of you.

Nov 20 2009 They're All The Rage: On/Off Head Switches

Want to look like you're a cyborg or some shit? I couldn't imagine why (unless you want me to brain you with a crowbar), but if you do, just glue an on/off switch to the back of your head like Dominic Wilcox did. But, WARNING: your hats won't fit the same! Neat idea, Dominic, but this is exactly the kind of thing that'll get you killed if you roll with the crew that I do. THAT SAID, I JUST I JUST HOOKED MYSELF UP WITH A VOLUME KNOB. WHAT? OH SORRY -- SOMEBODY TURNED ME UP TO 11!!

Hit the jump for a picture of the installation process.

Continue Reading " They're All The Rage: On/Off Head Switches "

Nov 20 2009 Holy Grail? You Decide: A Bacon Chalice

I can't even imagine weaving bacon so tight as to not let liquid (well, molten cheese) through, but apparently somebody did. My hat oven mitts are off to you, bacon mug maker. Cause one time I tried weaving bacon and it didn't even make a solid placemat. It did, however, make a solid after-school snack. Kidding, I'm vegetarian. Did you feel that? That was your head imploding.

Bacon Beer Mug [thisisfreakingridiculous]

Thanks to Profound, mike469x, Dominican Joe, Freedom and KilgoreTrout XL, one of which is Kurt Vonnegut's plus-size alter-ego, the other three of which are fighting over who gets to eat the cup.

Nov 20 2009 For The Dapper Dog: Humunga Staches

The Humunga Stache is a $12 piece of molded rubber. One side's a ball, and the other is giant freaking mustache. So when your dog bites the ball, guess what happens! (Hint: you take pictures and post them Facebook with clever captions).

Add some low-cost laughs to your frequent frolics with Fido! This shiny black toy is a ball on one end, and a giant cartoon mustache on the other. Dogs naturally pick up the ball...which leaves the outrageously funny mustache sticking out! Dogs also love to hold the ball in their mouth, and shake the mustache back and forth!

Not a bad idea. Of course, my dog would just chew up the whole damn thing. You see, she's a bitch. And, based on those tits in the pic, so is Fido. Animal cruelty!

Product Site
via
Humunga Stache [likecool]

Thanks to Niki, whose bitch has a real mustache and moonlights as a carny.

Nov 20 2009 Whaaat?: Sand People Like Scooby Snacks?

In a mash-up of universes that's about to make my head explode, it turns out Tusken Raiders love Scooby Snacks. And speaking of which -- I'd like to see Scoob and the gang try pulling THAT dude's mask off. Ruh-roh is right -- you gonna die!

Sand People like Scooby Snacks [tk8247's deviantart]

Thanks to sham, who only tried Bantha fodder once and didn't like it.

Nov 20 2009 Wow, Video Game Religion -- Mass: We Pray

Mass We Pray is a video game to get that Holy Spirit all up in your system and have fun with the whole family at the same time. With fun interactive mini-games like 'Conduct the Choir' and 'Genuflecting', you're sure to make Jesus proud (who's ALWAYS watching, BTW). Looks fun, doesn't it? That said, this is viral advertising for Dante's Inferno dropping in February. But I want to see how many people didn't bother reading this far and think it's real and then make comments about it. Because you know there's gonna be some. Then they're gonna wish they could delete their comments but they won't be able to and we'll all laugh and call them names! Trust me, its WJWD.

Official Site

Thanks to mensa, Nicole, MoD and daniel, who are praying all the theaters showing New Moon spontaneously combust.

Nov 20 2009 Creepy Robot Stares At You So You Exercise

How would you like this creepy little bastard staring at your ass when you're performing squats? Or maybe holding your feet while you do crunches? Or maybe you've got to be out of your got-damn mind!

Bandit is helping the University of Southern California Center for Robotics and Embedded Systems conduct a study on exercise training. 70 volunteers of all ages (including 20 people aged 60 or older living in retirement homes) will have either Bandit himself or Bandit on video as a trainer, and the researchers will try to figure out if the physical presence of the robot makes a difference.

That's right, they named him Bandit. As in, "Give me all your internal organs!" Listen, you want me to tell you whether a robot's presence helps you lose weight? It does -- and I'll prove it. SEND IN THE ROOMBA! *Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!* There, I feel four pounds lighter already. Oh, and I'm not cleaning that shit up either.

Video of the little jerkbag after the jump.

Continue Reading " Creepy Robot Stares At You So You Exercise "

Nov 20 2009 Takes All Kinds: Machete-Wielding Taco Thief

The latest in a string of taco-related violence, a masked marauder in Illinois held up another man at machete-point and demanded the poor chap's tacos. Admit it -- if you'd have had a machete you would have done the same thing!

Elgin Deputy Police Chief Jeff Swoboda says a local resident was walking back to his vehicle Sunday night after buying 16 tacos for $41 when a man wearing a black ski mask and a hooded sweat shirt ran up to him.

Swoboda says the masked man waved a machete and took the tacos, but nothing else. He then drove off in an older-model light green car.

Wait a minute -- $41 for 16 tacos? Those must be some good-ass tacos! Say, this gives me an idea. *rummaging through closet for ninja-sword* Ow, shit! Shit shit shit shit shit. Cut myself.

Machete-wielding man steals tacos [abcnews]

Thanks to Annie, who won't cut anyone for anything less than a burrito. *phew*

Nov 19 2009 About Time!: Improved Steering Wheel Desk

We saw another steering wheel desk here on Geekologie quite some time ago, but I think we can all agree this is a much improved model. First of all, you can write/type at a normal angle and not the angle of the actual wheel. As a matter of fact, I'm using one now, and I've got to admit: it's quite comfortable. Secondly, HOOOOOOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Hit the jump for a bunch of other worthwhile product shots.

Continue Reading " About Time!: Improved Steering Wheel Desk "

Nov 19 2009 The Monsters That Didn't Make The Cut: New Star Trek's Deleted Gorn And Salt Vampire

Wonder what the Gorn and Salt Vampire that were supposed to appear in the new Star Trek's deleted Rura Penthe Klingon prison scenes looked like? This. Good lookin', but I'll take a steroid abuser in a dinosaur mask any day. I'm serious, just show up.

J.J. Abrams' Version Of Star Trek's Salt Vampire And Gorn Revealed [io9]

Thanks to Jase, who may or may not have just ordered some Mexican roids and a t-rex mask off eBay. I'll be waiting.

Nov 19 2009 Modern Warfare 2 Crybaby's Music Video

NOTE: Video slightly NSFW due to adult language from a limey 14-year old.

You ever wonder what else is going on in the world of a kid who will cry and punch the wall about a video game not living up to his expectations? Apparently a budding music career. And by budding I mean rotting. On the vine. You will never sell those tomatoes! Still, I did find myself kind of bobbing my head from 1:15 - 1:30 (the best part, plus I'm so high I feel like I'm typing with claws). But don't say his name -- he'll knock you out! Probably with rotten-tooth breath. BRING IT NANCY!

GuitarJono1170's Youtube Channel (with a ton of other crappy videos)

Thanks to Matt, who knifed this kid in Modern Warfare 2 and had him crying for days.

Nov 19 2009 I Smell Beer Pong!: Pick Your Nose Cups Prevent Spread Of Drinkborne Illnesses

These Pick Your Nose party cups from Fred are a set of 24 cups (2 each of 12 designs) with different noses printed on them. That way you can easily identify your beverage and not end up drinking from somebody's dipping spit-cup. WHICH HAPPENS. Plus, you you get to spice up your look a bit. Although I'm a little disappointed they didn't get a little more creative with the designs. What about a witch doctor's nose with a bone through it? Don't even tell me that's not a brilliant idea. Because I will shrink your head faster than you can say, "OOO EEE, OOO AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG!" Now, go look in the mirror. Haha, of course I didn't actually do it -- I DON'T EFF WITH BLACK MAGIC. Now The Gathering, that's a whole different story none of your business.

Hit the jump for a woman drinking out of a man's nose model. A woman with a man's nose -- ha!

Continue Reading " I Smell Beer Pong!: Pick Your Nose Cups Prevent Spread Of Drinkborne Illnesses "

Nov 19 2009 Just Make Your Own: Cantena Chain Clock

I like this clock. I can't exactly say why but I think it's because it costs $2,338 and is definitely something my son team of highly skilled artisans could recreate for a fraction of the cost, ultimately saving you, the sucker, a bundle.

one of our favorite wall clocks, the catena wall clock harkens back to traditional mechanical clocks. copper digits mounted onto a bicycle chain place emphasis on the cyclical nature of time. this clock is a striking clock, literally and figuratively.

IT'S A GEAR AND BICYCLE CHAIN. Sure it's awesome looking but you can't justify a $2,400 pricetag. Besides, what if some punk steals my chain for his BMX? Then I'm timeless! Which, God just look at my chiseled features, I really am.

Product Site

Thanks to Danundertheice and darwyn4, who know what time it is. Am I right, Flavor Flav? Nice viking helmet.

Nov 19 2009 Air Blower iPhone App Really Blows Air (See What I Did There? There's More To Come!)

Looking for the latest and least greatest in iPhone apps? Check out the $1 "Blower" app. It sucks blows sucks and blows is f***ing stupid.

Thanks to the new "Blower" app, iPhone owners will now be able to blow out candles with their handset. Just "switch on your app, turn the iPhone volume to the max and feel the air flowing from the speaker opening."

Unlock the new mind-blowing secret feature on your iPhone. Turn your iPhone into a real Air Blower!

Mind-blowing secret feature my ass. An x-ray camera, now THAT'S a mind-blowing secret feature. Or the ability to make calls to the dead. Phone developers, are you getting all this? Because I'm not buying another phone until I can talk to George Washington and take pictures of Martha's underwear. Just saying.

Hit the jump for a video of the app blowing out candles. WHEE, what a birthday!

Continue Reading " Air Blower iPhone App Really Blows Air (See What I Did There? There's More To Come!) "

Nov 19 2009 Snap, Crackle, Pork: Bacon-Flavored Popcorn

Because soon everything will be available pork-flavored, J&D's is selling bacon-flavored popcorn. I assume it's just regular popcorn with their bacon-salt added to the bag, but what do I know? Besides everything because God and I are like this *crossing fingers to show extreme closeness*. $12 gets you three bags. Alternatively, $12 will also net you 40 Glad Tall Kitchen Trashbags (with Odor Shield technology). So, yeah, the choice is yours.

Product Site
via
Bacon Pop [uncrate]

Thanks to Chuey The Rock n Roll Midget and Be My Mannequin, who pop corn and balloons at the fair with equal dexterity.

Nov 19 2009 FroliCat BOLT: A Laser Lightshow For Cats

Yay, two laser posts in a row! The $17 FroliCat BOLT is an award winning laser lightshow for cats with owners who are too lazy to wave a laser pointer around or have lost the use of their limbs.

Simply turn it on and projects a red dot and moves it in random patterns for 15 minutes, or until your cat (or dog, or baby) realizes what's going on and attacks the gadget itself.

You know why cats love lasers so much? Because they're from the future. Plus it has something to do with their nightvision. No, really, I'm not just making this up. I took a correspondence college course in beertasting science. I wore a lab coat and everything.

Video of the POS in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " FroliCat BOLT: A Laser Lightshow For Cats "

Nov 19 2009 Laser Crosswalks: Because Pews = Safety

Laser Crosswalks are the crosswalks of the future. You can tell because it has 'laser' in the name. Pretty much anything with 'laser' in it is gonna be a huge hit in the future (including cereal). Don't believe me? Just stare at this laser eye-toy for a minute. Aaaaand now you're blind.

The Virtual Wall is designed as a replacement for traffic lights and if made would use "plasma laser beams" to project silhouettes of moving people into the path of oncoming traffic.

Supposedly this would calm traffic and make drivers more careful around the soft humans as they cross the street. I'd say it would be more likely that the appearance of giant red figures before the windshield would cause panic, crashing and general mayhem.

Hell yes, giant red laser-people. *pew pew* means walk! Plus, if you try driving through it the lasers should cut you up into little pieces. Don't act like we don't have that technology! We have that technology.

Laser Wall Replaces Traffic Light [wired]

Thanks to Fnahra tha evur livin, who loves lasers almost as much as I do but not quite because I have laser-vision. Yeah, so there, Fnahra.

Nov 19 2009 I Would Eat That Don't Know: A Jabba Cake

I'm sure lots of time and effort went into the construction of this Jabba the Hutt cake, but that doesn't mean I'd eat it. You see, I have a rule about eating things that look like slippery green turds: make somebody else try it first. Which, *cocking laser blaster* is why you're here. Don't think I won't shoot first -- I will shoot first. Now, try one of those things on the plate behind him. What is that, a bacon-wrapped cheeseball? Okay -- now feed it to me like a baby bird.

Jabba the Cake [geekstir]

Thanks to Abby, who would have dove into that cake no questions asked. It's not a swimming pool, Abby, geez!

Nov 18 2009 Awh Yeah: Superhero Shaggin' Wagons

This is a little gallery of superhero shaggin' wagons. They're all Photoshopped, but that isn't stopping me from wanting to sleep in one. Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I made love in the back of a 70's van BECAUSE I BLACKED OUT LAST NIGHT. But seriously, I barely knew the guy and he said he had free candy.

Hit the jump for five more and a link to like six more after that. Jackpot!

Continue Reading " Awh Yeah: Superhero Shaggin' Wagons "

Nov 18 2009 Dad Only Speaks Klingon To Son For 3 Years

This handsome dapper portly half-Santa isn't the man in the story, but that doesn't matter. What's important is that he practices good dental hygiene. Also, that some cat named d'Armond Speers decided to only speak Klingon to his son for the first three years of his life. But fret not, he did it with good cause: cruelty experimentation. I knew I had kids for a reason!

"I was interested in the question of whether my son, going through his first language acquisition process, would acquire it like any human language," Speers told the Minnesota Daily. "He was definitely starting to learn it."

And get this, Speers says he isn't really a huge Star Trek fan.

Does the fact that Speers has a doctorate in computational linguistics explain anything -- or excuse anything -- here? Maybe. His child-rearing habits were part of a larger story on the company he advises, Ultralingua, which develops language and translation software. Including Klingon.

Yeah, I don't know how I feel about that. Besides somebody get this man a 'Father of the Year' ribbon! Are you reading this B.F. Skinner? That air-crib was weak shit!

Local dad spoke only Klingon to child for three years [citypages]

Thanks to Demon Spawn and Kelly, who are only speaking jibberish to their children for six years.

Nov 18 2009 This Wasn't In The Job Description: Microsoft Store Employees Required To Dance

This is a video of the workers in a Microsoft store dancing around and clapping like the bunch of out-of-shape retail employees they are. That said, I would've passed out halfway through the song BUT ONLY CAUSE I'D BEEN DRINKING.

The Blackeyed Peas compel the employees at the Microsoft Store in Mission Viejo, California to break out in dance, let their hair down and have some fun. This is an amazing store, the employees seem really excited and engaged, almost happy to be at work. My favorite parts are when people walking in the mall come inside the store, join in the dancing and have some fun. The amazing thing is that people are in the store for hours, they love interacting with the software and learning about new technology.

Wow, like THAT doesn't sound like the biggest bunch of promotional bullshit I've ever read. People spending hours in a retail store, really? THEY'RE CALLED HOMELESS. The last time I ever spent hours in a retail establishment my mom forgot me at Sears while I was playing in the middle of a clothes rack and they closed the store for the night. And that, my friends, is why I can't sleep without a circular saw.

Youtube

Thanks to Patrick, Mark, babysteps and Mixtech, who, dance! *pew pew* I SAID DANCE!

Nov 18 2009 I'll Miss You: Pirate Bay Tracker Shut Down

Well folks, it happened. The Pirate Bay BitTorrent tracker officially kicked the bucket yesterday. What does this mean for Pirate Bay users?

Although the site will remain operational for now, millions of BitTorrent users will lose the use of its tracker and will instead have to rely on DHT and alternative trackers to continue downloading.

"Now that the decentralized system for finding peers is so well developed, TPB has decided that there is no need to run a tracker anymore, so it will remain down! It's the end of an era, but the era is no longer up2date. We have put a server in a museum already, and now the tracking can be put there as well" the Pirate Bay crew write on their blog.

And what does this mean for iTunes users?

iTunes sucks, there's no porn on iTunes.

HELL YES I QUOTED MYSELF IN AN ARTICLE! I know shit -- I can say things!

The Pirate Bay Tracker Shuts Down for Good [torrentfreak]

Thanks to Bill, who hasn't paid for music since the Green Jellö cassette with 'Three Little Pigs'.

Nov 18 2009 Ninja Fail: Overconfident (And Drunk) Ninja Attempts Fence Jump, Ends Up Impaled

A drunk and overzealous ninja, who may be the guy in this picture but was probably the kid in this video, attempted jumping over a fence in Seattle, Washington, only to impale himself on a pole. I knew about buttpirates, but who knew there were buttninjas too?! You're no drunken master!

Seattle police say a man who thought he was ninja was impaled on a metal fence when he tried to leap over it. An officer who was looking for an assault victim nearby Monday night heard the man screaming for help. Police supported him to prevent further injuries until medics arrived and took him to a hospital, where he was in serious condition in intensive care on Tuesday.

Police spokeswoman Renee Witt wrote in a department Web site posting that officers thought the man might have been involved in the reported assault, but he insisted he was just a ninja trying to clear a 4- to 5-foot-tall fence.

Witt says the man was "overconfident in his abilities," and that alcohol likely played a role.

Listen, as a public service to you Geekologie Readers that think you might be ninjas, I've got news for you: you're not. You don't wear Velcro shoes so you can be ready to strike at a moment's notice, you wear Velcro shoes because you never learned to tie regular ones. And the katana set you bought at the kiosk at the mall? You've cut yourself playing Ninja Turtles, haven't you? The prosecution rests.

Police: Would-be Seattle
ninja impaled on fence [googlenews]

Thanks to Michelle loves ninjas drunk or otherwise, Rachel, Justin, Fluffy Frontstein, wes, Sally and Lizze, who actually are trained killers and could have easily cleared that fence.

Nov 18 2009 You're Gonna Burn In Hell!: Dino Car Decal

Listen, I'm not here to tell you to follow Jesus or smoke buddha or whatever, I'm just here to report the things I see and maybe make a couple drug connections in the process. And this is a 'dinosaur eating the Jesus fish' car decal. Love it or hate it, you've got to admit it's the first time you've ever seen a t-rex holding something with its little arms. And THAT, my friends, is biblical.

Product Site
and
Picture

Thanks to Logisticz and martyn, who are pissed dinosaurs didn't make it onto the ark. Me too guys, me too.

Nov 18 2009 Today Only: Zombie Vampire Robots Shirts

If you're not familiar with shirt.woot, congratulations, and welcome to the internet. There's lots of stuff in this series of tubes, including, and virtually limited to: misinformation and porn. Also, Geekologie and stuff for sale. And speaking of stuff for sale, $10 will get you this Zombie Vampire Robots from Space shirt (shipped!) TODAY ONLY. I could take this time to explain how shirt.woot and woot.com work and even brag about the number of bags of crap I've gotten (ZERO BABY, YEAH!) but I'm not going to. If you want the shirt, go buy it, if not, don't come crying to me tomorrow when you decide you want it after all and it's not for sale anymore. Because you know what you'll get? A cold shoulder penis Popsicle shoulder.

UPDATE: Sold out, sorry chumps. May appear again in the reckoning.

Shirt.woot (will be a different shirt tomorrow)

Thanks to Melissa, Julian, Aaron and Kiraly, who have gotten little to no work done during the current woot-off. Nice, guys, glad you don't work for me.

Nov 18 2009 I Like: Geekologie Reader's Mario Animation

This is a 'Pulp Fiction' styled Mario animation that Geekologie Reader Jeremie made. It is most impressive and has restored my faith in Geekologie Readers. For awhile there I was worried you were just a bunch of no-talent FIRST!ing ass-hats. So yeah -- thanks Jeremie, I needed that. *removes laser blaster from mouth*

Youtube

Thanks to Jeremie, whose starcoin-purse is the one that says 'bad mother f***er' on it.

Nov 18 2009 R2-D2 Finally Spotted In New Star Trek Movie

Remember how you heard J.J. Abrams snuck R2-D2 somewhere in the new Star Trek movie? And remember how you kept going back to the theater with the hopes of spotting him? God, you need a hobby. I dunno, World of Warcraft or something. Anyway, thanks to the recent release of the film and newfangled slow-motion technology, the droid has been spotted.

The blog Gizmodo has located the brave droid's appearance, and frankly, it's no surprise that 99.999% of the world couldn't spot the "Star Wars" star. R2-D2 appears for about one microsecond during a battle scene. Floating across the screen from left to right, the droid appears to be enjoying himself, however briefly.

Well, there he is. Finally, we can all sleep at night. Together, in a big pile like in Where The Wild Things Are the one time they're all happy before Max proceeds to eff everything up. And speaking of which: you run away from my home and guess what -- there isn't going to be any chocolate cake waiting for you when you get back. There's gonna be a locked door. And maybe a belt so you can whip yourself if you're lucky.

Confirmed: R2-D2 Finally Discovered In Star Trek [gizmodo]
via
Found: R2-D2 in 'Star Trek' [yahoomovies]

Thanks to jessica, Matty and Lunarion, who spotted him the first time but didn't want to say anything because they didn't want to ruin it for the rest of you. Plus, they make great friends because they can keep secrets.

Nov 18 2009 Why Don't House Cats Grow Into Lions?

This is a clever answer to a query posed in Yahoo! Answers. You can't argue the answerer didn't give them exactly what they asked for, even if it's not what they wanted. Because, let's face it, a lot of people don't even know what they want. I'm looking at you, Mrs.Takes 8 Minutes To Order at the Taco Bell Drive Thru. Next time I'm ramming!

Picture

Thanks to TARDISlover, who likes it bigger on the inside.

Nov 17 2009 Drunkest/Pilliest Man Ever Battles Laser Wizard At The Convenience Store, Loses

Remember the video of the world's drunkest/crunkest/least stand-uppiest man trying to score some beer from the convenience store? Well it turns out he was battling a previously unseen wizard trying to prevent him from drinking and walking. This security footage, enhanced with technology so advanced you wouldn't even be able to understand it, explains it all. Even better than Clarissa -- AND THAT BITCH KNEW EVERYTHING.

Youtube

Thanks to naas and matt, who are always smart enough to don their anti-invisible wizard capes when venturing out for more brewhaha.

Nov 17 2009 BURN IT DOWN!: The Bender Head House

The Bender House looks like Bender's dome from Futurama. If you've never seen Futurama I'm going to assume you don't have a television or internet so you probably aren't even reading this. Unless they print out copies of Geekologie and distribute them in Africa, which, I think we can all agree, is the best idea you've ever heard. Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and start taking bets on how many beers it takes me to crash out of Bender's right eye and lay bleeding in the driveway -- oh -- oh -- *crash* Fourteen and a couple buttery nipples. Now somebody call 911 411, this guy needs a pizza.

I want this house [warmingglow]

Thanks to Marcie, who used to live in a house that looked like Robbie the Robot but it mysteriously burnt down. *whistling* Weird.

Nov 17 2009 Playing Vocals On Rock Band With A Flute

This is a video of a woman "singing" the vocals on Afterlife's 'Avenged Sevenfold' in Rock Band 2 on expert with a flute. I've known you could do this for awhile because all that matters is that you hit the right pitch. WHICH, TEAM, IS EXACTLY HOW YOU HIT HOME RUNS. Now get out there and make coach-y proud, I'm betting on you.

Youtube

Thanks to collin, ROCKY, bubbler and DJ JD, who have all tried the same thing with saxophones and failed miserably.

Nov 17 2009 Some Superhero You Are!: Spiderman Busted

Well folks, this just goes to show you can only dangle from rooftops staring into women's bedroom windows for so long before the boys in blue take notice. For shame, Spidey, for shame. And, on a completely and totally unrelated note that has absolutely nothing to do with this story: I have a used repelling harness for sale.

Spiderman getting arrested [jonahray]

Nov 17 2009 Bomb-Proof Wallpaper: But Is It Wolf-Proof?

Berry Plastics and the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers teamed up to develop X-Flex, a wallpaper with woven Kevlar strong enough to prevent bomb blasts from blowing all your shit up. Nice, but is it Big Bad Wolf proof? That mother can huff and puff!

X-Flex works so well that the armed forces are considering redecorating its army bases in Iraq and Afghanistan with the stuff. And, mindful of the commercial value, Berry Plastics is considering manufacturing a version for civilians

There's a video of the guys at Popular Science hitting the paper with a wrecking ball after the jump, which, at least according to my code of testing, didn't prove anything. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE BOMB PROOF, WHO CARES IF IT'S WRECKING BALL PROOF? No, if you want real bomb-proof safety, you need to buy my anti-bomb bombs. Basically, when a bomb detonates it sets these ones off and the explosions are equal but different and everything is gravy. Trust me, I know fisics.

Hit it for the video.

Continue Reading " Bomb-Proof Wallpaper: But Is It Wolf-Proof? "

Nov 17 2009 I'm Taking 'Em With Me!: The Gerbil Shirt (Exclusively For Pudgy Red-Headed Kids)

Gosh, it seems like only yesterday I was hard at working fashioning a bong out of my gerbil's old Habitrail. But it wasn't, it was this morning I'm doing it right now. Anybody have a hot glue gun?

The Gerbil Shirt wraps your torso in plastic tube passageways, making your bod a super highway of fun for Binky and Bart. The interior surfaces are textured for traction and have air vents for easy breathing.

The inventor suggests you can clean the Gerbil Shirt by attaching it to a faucet (remove pets first please), and you should avoid collisions and falls that could cause pet panic.

Listen, I'm not one to judge, except I totally am BECAUSE I'M SO GOOD AT IT. Wapner? Pfft, that old pantstain couldn't gavel his way out of a wet paper bag. Judy? Wrinkled whore. But a Habitrail vest? That's just a solid product.

Gerbil Shirt [ohgizmo]

Thanks to david, who better not catch you trying to run one of those tubes up your butt.

Nov 17 2009 DO WANT: Dinosaur Hatchling Ornaments

Just look at that cute little devil wrapped up all tight in his egg! It's like he's a little present himself -- all he needs is a bow! Show your strictly platonic dino-love this holiday season with this $14 Brachiosaurus hatchling ornament from the Big Bad Toy Store. They make the perfect Christmas momento for children and adults who never stopped loving dinos alike. Unfortunately, I want a REAL dino hatchling for Christmas. I'm talking from my loins. Godzilla, Falkor, Puff, Barney -- one of you better immaculate concept me. DO IT NOW!

Dinosauria Hatching Egg Ornament [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Naja, who better have gotten me a season pass to Jurassic Park.

Nov 17 2009 Eye Candy: Beautiful Toshiba Commercial Floats Armchair To The Edge Of Space

To demonstrate how good the atmosphere looks on a Toshiba television, the company floated an armchair and camera up to 98,000-feet with a helium balloon. It's a really beautiful thing to watch, right up there with catfights at the bar. Gouge her eyes out!

Toshiba
and
Youtube

Thanks to nicobbg, Deputy Dog, Melissa, pouncer24 and naas, who are all convinced the moon landing was faked as part of a governmental money-laundering scheme. I wouldn't be surprised.

Nov 17 2009 There's Got To Be An Easier Way: Guy Uses Crane-Lifted Lawnmower To Trim His Hedge

In a feat of extreme-mowing, two men in Cambridge, New Zealand used a crane to lift a lawnmower high enough to trim one's overgrown hedges. Nice, guys, I like the way you think -- EXXXTREME!!

The operator, who did not want to be named, is now nursing a broken hand, but said it wasn't a fall from the mower that caused the injury but one off the crane.

He admitted it was not the safest method of trimming the hedge, but said it was all done as a bit of a joke.

They wanted to film the stunt, put it on the internet and see how many hits it got, but in the end had no video camera.

That, my friends, is pathetic. Not only a broken hand BUT NO VIDEO. WTF?! I demand a re-do. But this time with fireworks shooting out the back. Oooh, and bikini girls. Plus more injuries. I suggest fraying the cables and loosening the mower blade. YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE CENTURY! And I want producer credit.

High rider trims his hedge [stuff]

Thanks to Patrick, who trims his hedge the old fashioned way: with a straight-razor. Yikes!

Nov 17 2009 Welcome To The Gun Laser Show: Girl Shows Off Her 'Pew Pew' Tattoos

This is a photo taken by Flickr user Meow Cely of a girl with 'pew pew' tattooed across her fingers. I must admit, I admire her dedication to the pews. You don't see me rocking any pew-y ink (except in THIS post), and I'm one of the the laser blaster's biggest proponents. Funny story: I went to a gun and knife show a few weeks ago and demanded my entrance fee be returned when I found out there weren't any laser guns. Also, I accidentally cut myself with a bowie knife and tried to play it off like I'd been stabbed.

Flickr
via
(Geek) Thug Life!: Pew Pew Tattoo [greatwhitesnark]

Nov 16 2009 It Was Only A Matter Of Time: Google Streets Car Finally Gets Christened By Bird

I can't believe it took this long. And, who knows, maybe it's happened before. I mean, birds shit on my car all the time. Cats too. And, at least twice this year, a homeless man. Well, from a purely technical standpoint, that was actually IN the car. And speaking of which: DON'T YOU EVER WIPE YOURSELF ON MY SEAT AGAIN. Use the passenger's.

Google Maps

Thanks to Marcos, who has slept in cars but never shit in them. Remember: don't shit where you eat sleep. Unless you pass out on the john, in which case go for it.

Nov 16 2009 Gnarly: Two Kite Surfers Jump British Pier

Two extreme sporters used particularly gusty winds today to fulfill their live's dreams: to jump Worthing Pier in West Sussex, England, on kite-boards. It's time to dream bigger, brahs!

Jake Scrace, 25, and Lewis Crathern, 24, had been planning Monday morning's jump for three years but had to wait for perfect weather conditions.

They took off from Goring to the west side of Worthing in gusts of wind that were more than 40mph, and had two helpers on the beach. The pair said the jump was quite hazardous and should not be attempted by amateurs.

Mr Crathern said the jump was "epic".

"It was everything I've lived for - amazing," he said.

Everything you've lived for, nice. And here I've been living to destroy my body with booze and die young. But, you know, jumping over a pier with a kite, that's something too. *snicker* Pussies.

Two kite surfers jump over pier [bbcnews]

Thanks to And and 2MechanicalArms, one of which may or may not be a robot.

Nov 16 2009 For A Proper Burial: Mouse Trap Coffins

Because even problematic varmints deserve a proper burial to ensure their Micky Mouse souls can get into heaven, design studen Sarah Déry created these mouse trap coffins.

This package was developed to solve the problem of neatly disposing of caught vermin by building the trap itself into a mini, rodent-sized coffin. With a simple slogan atop the box (Oh My God! Mouse Trap) the container can be opened using the lid... or not, for the more squeamish pest catchers among us.

Neat idea, but I used to bullseye womprats in my T16 back home, they're not much bigger than 2 meters. And then we'd barbeque them (not unlike Uncle Owen!). Ever had barbequed womprat? Similar taste to Rodents of Unusual Size. ZOMG -- Star Wars and Princess Bride references in the same post, I DESERVE AN AWARD!

Hit the jump for two more shots of the last thing your rat problem will ever see.

Continue Reading " For A Proper Burial: Mouse Trap Coffins "

Nov 16 2009 WTF WAS THAT?: Boy Loses His Cool, Cries And Punches Wall Over Modern Warfare 2

NOTE: NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE. WATCH IT WITH HEADPHONES ON OR THE VOLUME LOW.

There's rock bottom, and then they're webcam-ing yourself crying and punching the wall over your disappointment about Modern Warfare 2. Jesus, kid, fix yourself a spot of tea and calm the f*** down. Oh, and for the love of God: lose the milk mustache.

Youtube

Thanks to kweks, who had a meltdown about the new Super Mario Bros. for Wii but was smart enough not to tape it.

Nov 16 2009 WOW: Amazingly Amazing Tauntaun Costume

I hate out of season articles as much as you do, but this tauntaun Halloween costume by Scott Holden was too good not to post. Plus, I'd have already forgotten about it by the time Halloween rolls around next year (booze).

Scott made this amazing costume from scratch. Using designs made in Solidworks, he started to outline the Tauntaun. The head mold was detailed using clay, then a mold was made , then it was cast, and on and on. The horns were made in almost the same manner.

Never thought an animal would have a chassis did you? Well this beast does! This component too made completely from scratch and the best bit of this costume? The costume walks and is not a static display. Scott had to fabricate his own stilts to make this beast complete.

Good looking, Scott! The costume, not you. I mean, you're handsome and all, but that's not what this is about -- this is about the costume. But yours eyes....it's like you can see right through my computer screen and know I'm not wearing anything but a smile and Ewok pelt.

Hit the jump for a bunch of the process and a video of the costume in action.

Continue Reading " WOW: Amazingly Amazing Tauntaun Costume "

Nov 16 2009 Pikachu Girl Gets Proposed To By Raichu

Belle Starenchak, better known as Pikachu Girl, or "PikaBelleChu", is now engaged DESPITE MY MUCH EARLIER PROPOSAL. I asked first, jerkbag. I was gonna catch all that!

When Chris Herbert decided to pop the question to his girlfriend of three years, Belle Starenchak, he picked the most romantic place he could think of: Anime Weekend Atlanta, with both dressed as Pokemon. It ... kind of makes sense for them.

Belle, or "PikaBelleChu," is featured in the Guinness Book of World Records: Gamer Edition for her massive Pikachu memorabilia collection, and Herbert met her by staging a Pokemon auction. So while we might be tempted to laugh, it would seem that the pursuit of 'em all is a major component of this couple's lives.

Wow, this story is so full of wow I don't even know where to begin. So I'll just start by saying who the hell stages an auction to meet a woman? That's pretty low. But, admittedly, genius. Which is exactly why you should set up an auction for locks of Edward Cullen's hair in your garage. Don't worry, you can thank me later.

Hit the jump for a video of the proposal.

Continue Reading " Pikachu Girl Gets Proposed To By Raichu "

Nov 16 2009 Bacon Sunrise Is The New Tequila Sunrise

I love tequila sunrises. You know why? They're fruity, come with a little umbrella, and go down great with breakfast. Which, more often than not, is two quarts of mimosas I mixed into an orange juice carton. I SHOULD WRITE A BOOK ON EATING HEALTHY. But, for those of you that prefer a solid breakfast, maybe you'll be interested in this bacon sunrise, which is actually just some bacon, an egg and a couple sprigs of inedible greenery. Now imagine if you were miniaturized and walking those rolling bacon hills. Would you stop to enjoy the eggrise or would you be too busy driving bacon into your mouth to notice? No need to answer, I've got your number.

Hit the jump for another one of a bacon road.

Continue Reading " Bacon Sunrise Is The New Tequila Sunrise "

Nov 16 2009 Bedtime Stories: Bioshock Told In 3 Minutes

This is a three-minute video of a woman reading the tale of Bioshock to a little kid old-ass man as a bedtime story. And, as a guy who recently played through Bioshock with his older brother (with all the lights on, and never after 7PM), I thought it was pretty good. But don't watch it unless you want the whole story spoiled. Because that's what it does, it spoils. Just like bad parents. YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT!

One Upon a Pixel [gametrailers]

Thanks to Jaker, the Joker's less clown-y brother. No makeup for him!

Nov 16 2009 Glowing Booze!: Electroluminescent Bottles

Apparently battery-powered illuminated liquor bottles are becoming all the rage. They're supposed to grab your attention when you're trying to decide what to order at the bar. Yeah, TOO BAD I ALREADY KNOW WHAT I WANT (one of everything -- and keep the cherries coming).

Ballantine's new "Listen to Your Beat" campaign includes an electroluminescent label with graphic equalizer display. Designed by London-based "The Core," this label is more evidence of a trend towards animated, self-illuminating liquor labels. Similar to these battery-powered T-shirts, audio references seem to occur frequently in youth-oriented liquor packaging. (The J&B bottle above is another example.)

You know if you really want to sell liquor you don't need ridiculous gimmicks like light-up bottles. No, what you need is me. I could sell firewater to a teetotaler AND get him to drink it. CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! Aaaaaand you're vomiting on my shoes. Now wipe your mouth, we're doing it again.

Hit the jump for several videos of light-up bottles in action.

Continue Reading " Glowing Booze!: Electroluminescent Bottles "

Nov 16 2009 The Sky Is Falling!: Leonid Meteor Shower Peaks Tonight/Early Tommorrow Morning

For those of you that like to get high and lie in the middle of a field staring up, the Leonid meteor shower is supposed to reach its peak tonight from 1AM to dawn. Great, I'll be hiding in the back of the hallway closet waiting for the apocalypse. It, uh, is 2012, right?

The best seats are in Asia, but North American observers should be treated to an above average performance of the Leonid meteor shower, weather permitting. The trick for all observers is to head outside in the wee hours of the morning - between 1 a.m. and dawn - regardless where you live.

"We're predicting 20 to 30 meteors per hour over the Americas, and as many as 200 to 300 per hour over Asia," said Bill Cooke of NASA's Meteoroid Environment Office. Other astronomers who work in the nascent field of meteor shower prediction have put out similar forecasts.

Listen, I've been disappointed by these things before. Those NASA Meteoroidoligists are almost as bad as the cloud and rain ones. Still, I recommend everyone that hasn't seen the Leonid Shower to get out there and check it out. Me? I'm holding out for the Girl's Locker Room Shower.

Strong Leonid Meteor Shower Peaks Early Tuesday Morning [yahoonews]
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Nov 15 2009 Trash Light Turns Garbage Into Illumination

The Gaon Street Lamp was designed by Haneum Lee to turn trash into treasure. If light is treasure, which it's not. So I have no idea why I said that. Besides I'm awesome and I meant it.

the Gaon street light/wastebasket concept composts biodegradable waste and uses the methane by-product to power its light, saving energy and eliminating waste while lighting the streets.

but I'm not too sure if the Gaon can be turned into a real product. For starters, how much trash is needed to produce a decent amount of methane, and how long will it take before the trash produces the gas? And remember, only biodegradable waste will produce the methane, but in urban areas a large part of the waste comes in the form of plastic, glass and other non-biodegradable materials.

Interesting, I really like these conceptual green products. Unfortunately, I see gangs stuffing these things full of plastic water bottles so they can mug you under the cover of darkness. Me? I only mug under the cover of a dinosaur comforter. RAWR!

gaon street light/wastebasket turns trash into flash [technabob]

Nov 15 2009 Kid Sings Windows 7 Song At Talent Show

This is a video of fifth-grader Will Smith (of Fresh Prince fame) singing 'Windows 7 Rising', a song about the operating system sung to the tune of CCR's 'Bad Moon Rising', at what I assume is a school-sponsored talent show. He's pretty skilled and undoubtedly left the stage that night with a number of 8th grader's hearts in his jacket pocket. Which sadly isn't many BECAUSE THEY DON'T MAKE THOSE SUIT POCKETS FUNCTIONAL. And you know why? Government conspiracy. Same reason you're not allowed to drink at the DMV EVEN THOUGH YOUR MOM DROVE YOU.

The Best Windows 7 Song You'll Heart Today [gizmodo]

Nov 15 2009 This Little Piggy Went To The Post Office: Bacon Flavored Envelopes For Meatier Mail

I think we all knew this day would come: Envelopes with bacon-flavored adhesive. Geez, these are almost as clever as my invention: nipple flavored envelopes. Which, I think you and I both know is the closest your tongue will ever come.

J&D's, the makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise, isn't kidding when they say everything should taste like bacon: They just announced Mmmvelopes, bacon-flavored envelopes. $6.99 for 25 bacon-flavored #10 envelopes, $14.99 for 3 packs of 25...."No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead."

Now I know what you're thinking, "but how do I keep myself from eating them?" THEY'RE PAPER YOU IDIOTS. Yeah I have no idea.

Mmmvelopes: Bacon-Flavored Envelopes from the Makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise [eatmedaily]

Thanks to Mih0, who invented chocolate-flavored envelopes a long time ago but that ruthless cocoa mogul Wonka stole his idea.

Nov 15 2009 Geekologie Reader Gets Cisco Bars Tattoo

Because I love you all and am so proud of your accomplishments, here's Geekologie Reader Brian's recent Cisco Systems "bars" tattoo. For those of you not in the know, it's a stylized version of the Golden Gate Bridge. AND YES TATTOOS COUNT AS ACCOMPLISHMENTS. But, no matter what your BFF may have told you, being first in the comments doesn't.

Thanks Brian, and remember to get those moles looked at regularly.

Nov 14 2009 Impressive: 300,000 Birds Perform Air Ballet

I have no idea who the hell can tell that's 300,000 birds, but I'm running with it. And by running I mean flying. Just like those birds. Except less graceful. But equally naked! Think of me as like the Eleventh Plague of Egypt, if the Eleventh Plague of Egypt were a naked man standing on the roof flapping his arms. I'm coming for you, Pharoah! *caw caw!*

It's a bird! It's a cloud! It's a bird cloud [yahoobuzz]

Nov 14 2009 Transfurniture: Couch Turns Into Bunk Bed

Ever wanted a couch that transforms into bunk beds? Me neither. I do want one that turns into a fighter jet though. Okay you got me, I do want a transformer bunk bed. BUT IT BETTER NOT BE SENTIENT OR I WILL DRAG THAT SHIT OUT INTO THE YARD AND BURN IT.

A SOFABED THAT DOES DOUBLE DUTY, Mobelform's Doc folds out into not one, but two twin sized beds stacked one atop the other: in short, a bunk bed. Included are the necessary mattresses as well as a ladder and short rail to prevent mid-night tumbles.

This reminds me of the time my cousin was spending the night and my parents let him sleep in my bunk bed and made me sleep on the floor. Well, he rolled out of the bed in the middle of the night and fell five feet to the ground and didn't even wake up. I thought he was dead. He might have been dead.

Hit the jump for another bed making the transformation.

Continue Reading " Transfurniture: Couch Turns Into Bunk Bed "

Nov 14 2009 The Million Dollar Man With The Bionic Ass

Ged Gavin, 55, has a bionic ass and doesn't care who knows. Which is good because I definitely just texted everyone in my phone. And by texted I mean sexted. All the kids are doing it. What? Yes I'd jump off a bridge!

Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom.

The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves.

These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket.

"They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn't bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle."

Colostomy bag or a bionic ass, that's a tough call. I'd probably opt for a bullet in my head. Kidding, suicide is never the answer. Unless you're my ex-wife, in which case it totally is.

Man uses remote to control his 'bionic bottom' [telegraph]

Thanks to Ross, who uses a remote control to chew but is starving because he lost the thing in a couch.

Nov 14 2009 Mario And Luigi Rob Cab Driver In New York

Mario and Luigi, best known for plunging shitters and trying to save the Princess from the evil clutches of Bowser, have turned to a life of crime. Specifically, robbing cab drivers. What's the Mushroom Kingdom coming to?!

At around 4 a.m. on November 1, presumably following a Halloween party, a Staten Island cab driver was assaulted and robbed by four men. It being Halloween, it may have been difficult for the victim to describe the assailants, but two of the men were wearing unmistakable costumes - Mario and Luigi.

A surveillance video, which can be viewed on the NYDailyNews, shows two men dressed as Mario and Luigi wrestling a cabbie for his cash while a third man dressed in a tuxedo stood watch.

Anybody with information about the true identities of the two has-been heroes should contact Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom. Oh, and tell her the GW sent you. She doesn't know who I am, and I want you to look stupid.

Men Diguised as Mario and Luigi Rob Cab Driver [tomsguide]

Thanks to Brian, Aron, wes, Cyke101 and sham, who only cosplay for good.

Nov 13 2009 VIDEO Of Bugatti Veyron Crash Into Marsh. Oh, And I Called It -- No Low-Flying Pelican

Apparently some kids happened to videotape the $1.6 million Bugatti Veyron crash from the other day. And, surprise surprise, there was no "low-flying pelican". Nope, just a man playing with himself in one of the world's most expensive production vehicles. Way to go, champ.

Hit the jump for a video of the car getting towed out.

Continue Reading " VIDEO Of Bugatti Veyron Crash Into Marsh. Oh, And I Called It -- No Low-Flying Pelican "

Nov 13 2009 Yeah, No: Video From Top of The Burj Dubai

This is a video taken from the top of the Burj Dubai, the tallest building in the world, at 2,684 ft. Jesus, that's half a mile. Can you believe humans are even capable of this? I can't -- I shit my swim trunks on the high dive once. But, to my credit, I did do one hell of a cannonball.

This Video From the Tip Top of the Burj Dubai Makes Me Sick to My Stomach [gizmodo]

Thanks to Rick, who has dived off higher platforms into a cup of water. I mean, he died, but he did do it.

Nov 13 2009 Free Willy!: Whale Penis Leather Interior Dropped As Option On Luxury SUV's

Remember the Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored cars we reported on last month? You know, the ones that came with a 'whale penis leather interior' option? Ha, how could you forget? -- you called the company to find out if you could just buy seats. Well, after many complaints from whale-loving organizations like Greenpeace, the WWF and PETA, the company has decided to drop the option. Per their absolutely terrible press release. And I mean terrible:

We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. [...] All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBalt).

We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that's why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: "Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don't Earth fall down to Ocean!

I can only assume that's just a horrible, horrible translation job. Because if not, this is the last car I'd ever want to drive. You can't even put a sentence together, how am I supposed to trust your air bags?! *POOF!* Elephant scrotum, nice.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the most whale-hating-est vehicles in the world.

Continue Reading " Free Willy!: Whale Penis Leather Interior Dropped As Option On Luxury SUV's "

Nov 13 2009 Happy Friday The 13th!: Ecko Jason Hoodie

Happy Friday the 13th everyone! To celebrate this un-momentous occasion here's a $98 Jason hoodie by Marc Ecko. Watch out for black cats and shit!

Channel the terror of Crystal Lake in this "Jason" hoodie from the Friday the 13th series by Marc Ecko. Bloody full zip-up hoodie with breathing holes and mesh eyeholes for visibility. Four button flap pockets, flocking, leather straps and metal rivets, rib knit sleeve cuffs and hem.

Cool. Unfortunately, it's a little late to order one to wear today. Unlesssssss you have a time machine and could go back a week. But if you could do that why wouldn't you go back and kill Hitler in a Jason hoodie. That little mustachio'd twink will never know what hit him! (It was your machete)

Hit the jump for three more shots of this very quality product.

Continue Reading " Happy Friday The 13th!: Ecko Jason Hoodie "

Nov 13 2009 Ladies: Quick Conversions Cooking Towel

I've never cooked anything in my life except crystal meth and I ended up blowing up the trailer, but I have eaten things before. Including, and virtually limited to: cereal and pudding. What can I say, I'm a health nut. Anyway, the Useful Towel is a $22 piece of fabric with conversions and stuff on it. I think. I actually don't know what they are, it all looks like jibber-jabber to me. But I'd still tie it around my waist and prance around the kitchen bare-assed. Suck it, Jamie Oliver!

Useful Towel Has a Couple of Uses [uberreview]

Nov 13 2009 NASA: 'Significant' Water Found On The Moon. Yeah, But What About Dragons?!

Remember how NASA tried to blow up the moon to get at its molten cheese core? Well apparently they discovered a 'significant' amount of water in the process. Adult swim!

The discovery was announced by project scientist Anthony Colaprete at a midday news conference. "Indeed, yes, we found water," he said.

The find is based on preliminary data collected when the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite, or LCROSS, intentionally crashed October 9 into the permanently shadowed region of Cabeus crater near the moon's south pole.

After the satellite struck, a rocket flew through the debris cloud, measuring the amount of water and providing a host of other data, Colaprete said.

"The discovery opens a new chapter in our understanding of the moon," the space agency said in a written statement shortly after the briefing began.

Hell yes a new chapter in understanding the moon!

CHAPTER 6: Water On The Moon

There is water on the moon. Specifically, frozen water.

THE END

NASA finds 'significant' water on moon [cnn]
and
Picture [juliefainart]

Thanks to AZ-TRO-NOT, joey, STephen and Lizze, who found Kool-Aid on the moon but you probably never heard about it because of the massive conspiracy.

Nov 13 2009 Intergalactic Beats: Star Wars Gangster Rap

This is a Star Wars gangster rap and music video created by Bent TV. It was incredibly well made except the rappers didn't seem like real mf'ing g's. They looked like a bunch of pranksters and studio gangsters. YES I GOT THE RIGHT TO RAP ABOUT THAT. Check it this little ditty I just came up with:

Princess Leia, what a ho, I tossed her down the Sarlacc Hole

Them Ewoks furry, tauntauns warm, I shot up the Death Star
Then got drunk off top-shelf liquor and had sex with like 30 AT-AT's

I AM THE HARDEST! HARDER THAN THESE DIAMOND CHAINS!

ALL NEW! Star Wars Gangsta Rap: Chronicles [atom]

Thanks to Jack, Angelina, Ringo and Mark, who are all hardcore mediumcore. Not bad!

Nov 13 2009 Yes...YES!: Tyrannosaurs Doing It Dino-style

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. Except I'm not so much talking as fantasizing. God I'd love to be in the middle of those two. Ha -- I guess I AM talking about it! Now one of you put those little arms to use and make me a sandwich.

Tyrannosaurus skeleton casts mounted in a mating position, Jurassic Museum of Asturias [wikipedia] (high-res version)

Thanks to Kelly, who just convinced me to buy a one-way ticket to Asturias, Spain.

Nov 13 2009 Computer Graphics: Motherboard Mona Lisa

This is a recreation of Da Vinci's 'Mona Lisa' made entirely out of motherboard parts (plus a frame). It sits in the ASUS headquarters in Peitou, Taiwan and is almost half as good looking as the motherboard 'Starry Night' I made. Which I just so happen to be selling for $10 million. If you're interested shoot me an email and I'll start smashing every desktop in this computer lab ship it out as soon as the check clears.

Two closeups after the jump.

Continue Reading " Computer Graphics: Motherboard Mona Lisa "

Nov 13 2009 I'll Be The Prettiest Girl At The Ball And Everyone Will Notice Me!: LED Dress

Just to let this chick know that her LED wedding dress doesn't hold a lumen to a REAL LED dress, somebody went and created the GalaxyDress, which is being touted as the world's biggest LED-covered dress. Yay? Hip hop hooray? Ho -- hey -- ho. I'M NAUGHTY BY NATURE!

The GalaxyDress was constructed using 24,000 LED lights and, to add an extra bit of glitter, another 4,000 Swarovski crystals were included in the silk garment's design.

The dress is currently on display at the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry as part of the FastForward: Inventing the Future exhibit.

Funny story about inventing the future: God did it. There used to only be past and present when he thought to himself, "God, you know what would be super sweet? Flying cars". POOF!: the future. This is the word of the Geekologie Writer. Boomshackalacka.

GalaxyDress: The biggest LED dress in the world debuts [dvice]

Nov 12 2009 Google Streets Spots Fire Truck Hit Old Lady

Honestly, I bet the old lady ran right into the side of the thing (old ladies are notoriously bad bike riders. *ahem* Grandma -- I saw you hit that bus shelter!). There's a before shot after the jump, but unfortunately the above image has since been removed from Google Maps. I smell conspiracy. I mean, it's not like the old lady asked to have have it removed. Old people using computers -- HA! They're better at avoiding fire trucks!

Hit it for the before shot and a link to the action area.

Continue Reading " Google Streets Spots Fire Truck Hit Old Lady "

Nov 12 2009 Science-y!: Thermal Imaging Of A Toot

This is what a toot likes like under thermal imaging. Looks kind of like a ghost, don't you think? The ghost of dinners past! Get it?! Me neither. Also, I totally just made you stare at a man's ass. Women don't do that! Right? Women don't do that....right?

Picture

Thanks to Kelly, who thought it looked like musical notes.

Nov 12 2009 I'd Eat Them Both!: Pac-Man Can Art

Ever wonder what Pac-Man eating a ghost would look like constructed out of a shitload of tuna cans? Well now you do. The internet: it's magic, folks. These shots were taken at Canstruction, an annual food-and-drink can stacking event that I can't even believe exists. If there's a damn Canstruction you can bet your bottom diaper there should be a Geekologie-con. Somebody get on that. Somebody, anybody. Not me. And bring snacks booze. Wait, snacks too. Oh, AND YOU BETTER HAVE GOOD ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS. Kidding, anybody will do.

Hit the jump for two more.

Continue Reading " I'd Eat Them Both!: Pac-Man Can Art "

Nov 12 2009 Early Computing: Children's New Alphabet

Is this how today's children learn the alphabet? No. Is this how tomorrow's children will learn the alphabet? Probably not. Is spanking the best way to teach your children things? My parents thought so, and look how smart I am. Well, you can't physically SEE how smart I am. What you're looking at is called handsome.

How Today's Kids Learn The Alphabet [verybored]

Thanks to Nick, who learned the alphabet the old fashioned way: he didn't. His tip was nothing but wingdings and a link!

Nov 12 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Super-Rich Idiot Moron Drives $2 Million Bugatti Veyron Into Marsh

An unnamed member of the Illuminati recently drove his Bugatti Veyron into a Texas marsh because he's stupid and can't drive.

The man, who refused to give his name, was looking at real estate in Galveston.

About 3 p.m. a low-flying pelican distracted him as he traveled north on Interstate 45 just south of the hurricane levee near Omega Bay.

The man jerked the wheel, dropped his cell phone, and the car's front tire left the frontage road and entered a muddy patch, which foiled his attempt to maneuver away from the lagoon.

The Veyron's powerful engine gurgled like an outboard motor for about 15 minutes before it died.

Low-flying pelican? Really? That's the BEST you could come up with? No, I propose this man was playing a little tickle the moneybags and freaked when he realized he was gonna make a small cash deposit on the leather seats. Watson -- my pipe, please.

$2 million Bugatti crashes into lagoon [galvestondailynews]

Thanks to Demon Spawn, who may or may not have horns and a tail.

Nov 12 2009 You Fools!: Government Convinced Martians Were Going To Make Contact In 1924

In 1924, during Mars's opposition (when Earth, on its inner orbit, passes between the Sun and Mars) the US Navy sent a telegram alerting all its stations to be on the lookout for possible alien contact from the red planet. WOW!

Turns out that during the 1924 Mars opposition--when Mars would be closer to Earth than it had been since 1804--the secretary of the Navy sent a telegram to all naval stations asking them to "COOPERATE ASTRONOMERS WHO BELIEVE POSSIBLE THAT MARS MAY ATTEMPT COMMUNICATION BY RADIO WAVES WITH THIS PLANET WHILE THEY ARE NEAR TOGETHER."

BWAHAHAHAHA -- Martians! Like, aliens from Mars! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I've got news for you: there aren't any aliens on Mars. Pluto, yes, but they're so pissed off we reclassified their home as a dwarf planet they don't have anything to say to us.

UPDATE: I lied, turns out they do have something to say: "F*** you -- have fun with the global warming".

Navy was ordered to listen for Martians in 1924 [scifiwire]

Thanks to junkyard dog, who eats scrap metal and tires and shit because that's what junkyard dogs do.

Nov 12 2009 I Wasn't Looking For That: Mystery Google Gives You Previous Person's Search Query

Type a search query into Mystery Google and you get the results of the last person's search. For example, I searched for a serious medical condition I have, and got the results for "u'v got a face only ur momma could love". Neat? Yes. Helpful? Absolutely not. But don't let that stop you from blowing a few minutes screwing around with it. Remember: every minute wasted is a minute spent kicking the man in the junk. Go on -- kick him. Now do it again. HARDER! Okay now do me.

Mystery Google

Thanks to Emortal, Blastphemer and Shadow Sushi, who don't search the interweb, the interweb searches them. So are we we talking like full body or what?

Nov 12 2009 Impressive: Dr. Mario Song And Music Video

This is a super impressive Dr. Mario song and accompanying animated music video, the result of a collaboration between Brentalfloss (of Mega Man, Super Mario World and Tetris song fame) and Parker Simmons. Good lookin', guys. Also, who knew that Link had Hepatitis? I mean, besides Zelda. And Talon. And *ahem* Epona. WRAP THAT OCARINA UP, SON!

Youtube

Thanks to Mr. Cow, who doesn't put up with other bull. Get it? I know, I LOL'd too.

Nov 12 2009 Forget Gnomes, How About A Garden Jawa?

Tired of those creepy little gnomes hanging out in your garden? Well how about a creepy little Jawa?! Available for pre-order from the StarWarsShop, the $35 lawn ornament is certain to draw attention to your flower beds and eventually be stolen/broken by punk-ass teenagers.

* Crafted in solid resin, this fully painted Jawa is ready - rain or shine
* Exclusively available at StarWarsShop
* Measures close to a foot in height
* Sculpted in a chunky, garden gnome-like style

Ships Worldwide, except Mexico

Sorry Mexico, no Garden Jawas for you. Wait, why? Here, I'll give you a hint: it starts with GEORGE and ends with LUCAS IS A PUDGY BIGOT. You heard it here first! Unless his lawyers contact me, in which case this was all a direct quote from some other blog.

Hit the jump for two shots of Jawas hanging out in unnatural habitats.

Continue Reading " Forget Gnomes, How About A Garden Jawa? "

Nov 12 2009 Pfft, I Knew That: Staring At Breasts Is Good For Your Health, Prolongs A Man's Life

This is probably entirely fake and a giant hoax but I don't care because, well, breasts. Also -- don't question my journalistic integrity or I will swell your eyes shut so bad you'd be lucky to squint a nipple.

According to German research published in New England Journal of Medicine, men staring at women's breasts in fact prolong their lives with years.

"Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so.

For five years, the breasts oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.

I'm gonna be immortal! Kidding, I don't stare at breasts because I'm a gentleman and wear a top hat. But for the rest of you, go for it. You can start HERE (slightly NSFW, giant tank-topped boobs). I know, it's like a fountain valley of youth, right?

UPDATE: FAKE. But don't let that stop you from trying. Maybe you're the exception.

Looking at Breasts is Healthy [wholefitness]

Thanks to T. Brian, who is probably the healthiest man alive.

Nov 11 2009 Hooray?: Auto-Tinting Contacts Coming Soon

You know those eyeglasses that automatically darken whenever you go outside? I know, they remind me of pederasts too for some reason (but they look great on you, really). Now scientists are working on transferring the technology to contact lenses.

Traditionally, these light-to-dark lenses have been constructed by coating a normal lens with a photochromic dye. When UV light hits the dye, the individual molecules expand, darkening the lens and absorbing light. Coating contacts, however, doesn't work so well.

So researchers in Singapore have laced contacts with a matrix on nano tunnels filled with these photochromic dyes. Not only has the team been successful in producing transition contacts; these contacts darken in the presence of UV light faster than standard lenses (just 10 to 20 seconds).

Researchers are now working on isolating the photochromic material to just corneal region of your eye, granting you all of the UV filtering without turning your entire iris black.

Yeah, but do they allow you see through a woman's blouse? And, more importantly, can you believe I just said blouse? I don't even know what that is!

I Wear My Suncontacts at Night [gizmodo]

Thanks to twellve, who wears Transition glasses at night so she can, so she can, watch you live and offer you candy.

Nov 11 2009 Awesome: Grand Theft Auto Meets Frogger

Youtube user daneboe, the same guy who created the Contra vs. Duck Hunt and Mortal Kombat vs. Donkey Kong videos is back at it, this time with some Grand Theft Auto vs. Frogger action (and bonus Sonic vs. Pac-Man after the jump!). And, as I've come to expect, they are awesome. Not as awesome as that time I drove my Big Wheels through a pile of burning leaves, but not everything awesome ends with a trip to the ER. Only the really REALLY awesome ones.

Hit the jump for Sonic vs. Pac-Man.

Continue Reading " Awesome: Grand Theft Auto Meets Frogger "

Nov 11 2009 Don't Touch My String Cheese!: Fridge Locker

The Fridge Locker is a little lockbox that you put in the fridge to keep your broke-ass roommate from eating all your string cheese and pudding packs. I need one. No, make that two. I have lots of pudding and I like it cooooold.

The metal combination lock keeps your food safe from "Refrig-A Raiders" (poor joke courtesy of the manufacturer). It measures 7.5" wide, 7.5" tall and 11" deep. At $20, it could easily pay for itself with all of the food it keeps safe. Granted, your roommate will not take kindly to seeing this. Purchase and install at your own risk.

Knowing my roommate, that bastard would probably pull this thing out and set it on the radiator just to spoil all my food and spite me. Yeah, he's a jerk. He's also my alter ego. Shut up! NO YOU SHUT UP! Let me type the last sentence. No, you type too slow. Ow he's biting my fingers! I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE CROTCH!!

Fridge Locker Keeps Your Food Safe [ohgizmo]

Nov 11 2009 FREEDOM ISN'T FREE: Happy Veterans Day

I'd like to take this time to thank all the brave men and women who have served this country. You're the ones that have made the freedom to write whatever I want a reality. My sincerest thanks.

Your Geekologie Writer

Picture

Nov 11 2009 Classy: A Starship Enterprise Chandelier

This Star Ship chandelier was designed by ELK Lighting to resemble the Starship Enterprise but they only call it the Star Ship because they don't want to actually pay royalties. Nice, ELK, I like your style. If you're interested, the classy fixture is available for $189. Plus bulbs. It does not come with the bulbs. You're going to have to boldly go to the hardware store and buy those separately. And, God willing, not break any in your ass. Don't even act like I'm the only one that's tried!

to boldly go where no lighting has gone before [technabob]

Nov 11 2009 That....Sounds Dangerous -- I Must Try It!

This is a 9-second video of an evil mad scientist pouring liquid nitrogen in his mouth and blowing out vapor. Why? Because he's mad, yo! Even worse than that tea-loving mother with the big hat.

Though it may look like this scientist is actually drinking the liquid nitrogen, he says that with a bit of practice, "it is easy not to swallow liquid nitrogen and make cool condensed vapor come out of the nostrils."

I would have drank it. I would have drank it and asked for another one. Bartender, another cold one. No, another REAAALLY cold one. You catch my drift? I'm talking about liquid nitrogen. And I want two of those little umbrellas and a plastic cutlass with cherries AND YOU BETTER NOT CHARGE ME FOR THEM. Now, get ready to call the paramedics.

How Scientists Chill Out [techeblog]

Thanks to naas, who once drank liquid gasoline trying to siphon my gas tank. That's what you get!

Nov 11 2009 Japan Firm Makes Custom Barcode Art

D-Barcode is a Japanese firm that will design your barcode to look cooler than the standard bunch of lines. These are some examples of their work. But it doesn't come cheap! And, despite what you may have read above the urinal, neither do I.

It can be pretty pricey, though: $1,500 for a design, and $200 a year for licensing fees. If you want a code all your own, that can even cost as much as $4,000.

Now I know what you're thinking, "pfft, I could do that". But that's where you're wrong, because you and I both know you couldn't. Remember kindergarten? Remember how you couldn't keep the color inside the lines? Your parents thought you were retarded. Your dad still does.

In Japan, humble barcodes are works of art [dvice]

Nov 11 2009 Blow-Up Doll Found In New Call Of Duty

Is there any better way to celebrate Veterans Day than playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2? Yes, but that doesn't mean there isn't a blow-up doll in a bathtub in the game. And, as a guy who's no stranger to trying to shower around a blow-up doll, let me tell you: I accidentally popped her with a loofah :(

Hit the jump for the arguably NSFW uncensored version.

Continue Reading " Blow-Up Doll Found In New Call Of Duty "

Nov 11 2009 Why Not?: Interchangeable Mustache Pillow

The $60 Mr. Moustache pillow is a pillow that comes with interchangeable mustaches for the dapper bastard on the front. They're made by Etsy seller salliyenglanddesign and are fun to kiss, even if your roommate is watching. Don't be jealous just cause I gotta man!

The delightful Mr.Moustache pillow comes with four interchangeable velcro moustaches (Fu Manchu,trucker,gentleman,& salt 'n'pepper!) and a clear plastic storage pocket on the back!

Each velcro moustache is hand trimmed from faux fur, and each Mr.Moustache pillow is handmade in the s.e.d studio in Grand Rapids, Michigan!

Cool. I bought a pair so I can pretend I'm sleeping between two guys. But I make them wear different mustaches because sleeping with twins would be weird. And by weird I mean awesome. I can't quit you -- or you!

Hit the jump for two more shots of the irresistible handsomeness.

Continue Reading " Why Not?: Interchangeable Mustache Pillow "

Nov 10 2009 Close Calls: Killer Robot Plane Goes Rogue, Is Shot Down Before It Can Turn On Its Master

An autonomous killer Reaper jet recently went rogue in Northern Afghanistan and had to be shot down before it got the chance to go berserk and blast the shit out of the blue team. Eff that!

The aircraft was flying a combat mission when positive control of the MQ-9 was lost. When the aircraft remained on a course that would depart Afghanistan's airspace, a US Air Force manned aircraft took proactive measures to down the Reaper in a remote area of northern Afghanistan.

It wasn't clear from the US military announcement whether the erratic death-bot had turned on its masters and was planning an attack on critical US logistics bases located north of the Afghan border, or whether it had sickened of reaping hapless fleshies like corn and was hoping merely to escape. Alternatively the machine assassin may merely have succumbed to boredom or - just possibly - a mundane, non-anthropomorphic technical fault of some kind.

Okay, I don't know exactly how this fits into my government/robot conspiracy, but I assure you it does. Importantly. Like the last piece in a very critical puzzle. Provided my dog didn't eat any pieces. Because then I'll have to cut a similar shape out of construction paper and color it with markers. AND IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. My parents will tell me you can barely tell the difference BUT YOU CAN TELL. You can tell.

Robot Fighter Jet Killed Before It Could Go AWOL [io9]

Thanks to AdmiralN00b, Shawn, Beanbones, Paul, Timothy, Anonymous, Sambob, That Guy and Jason, who are all welcome to stay in my anti-robot shelter, provided they shower. And spoon.

Nov 10 2009 World Of Warcraft Specific Search Engine

Finally, a search engine designed specifically for finding World of Warcraft information. At last, the internet is complete. No, wait -- it still needs an eHarmony for dinosaurs. I don't need 29 degrees of compatibility, I just want something with teeth and a tail! And, okay, wings. Holy shit I'm a dragon lover. Embracing it!

Mrgl-Mrgl

Thanks to Random User, who could be any one of you.

Nov 10 2009 Genius: Christmas Tree Ornament Flask

Because I'm just as bad as Verizon, here's a Christmas ornament flask. It's pretty genius and I'm committing to covering my tree with nothing but them. No twinkly lights, no angel topper, just a shit-ton of booze. High-five, Santa! You fat bastard.

Cleverly disguised like an ornament, this coated stainless steel flask is here to make the holidays a little brighter (or maybe foggier). Finished with a ribbon-topped twist top and flat bottom (you might need to put it down).

Each flask will set you back $24 from Urban Outfitters, which is kind of steep. So yeah, maybe I won't be decking my halls with them after all. But don't think I still won't hang a bourbon-filled Gatorade bottle from the tree, because I 100% will. And, if I play my cards right, make out with a camel in the nativity. Humpy -- I've seen the way you've been eying me!

Product Site
via
Ornament Flask Makes The Season Fuzzy [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who better have a little shrine to Geekologie in that closet. Come on, I'll give you lock of my hair!

Nov 10 2009 No: Roombas Programmed To Play Pac-Man

Been waiting for someone to hack a bunch of Roombas to play Pac-Man? Me neither, but somebody did AND YOU'RE GOING TO WATCH THEM OR I'M GOING TO TOOTHPICK YOUR EYES OPEN AND MAKE YOU.

The vacuum, long an instrument for chasing cats, has now been turned against its own. What better use for automatic home appliances than to have them chase each other in classic video game style?

Built using our spare time, Roomba Pac-Man is designed to showcase the extensive Unmanned Aerial System software suite that we have developed to support our personal research. It was also a great opportunity to use some of our skills for our own entertainment.

Neat idea, but did you have to use robots? Why not kittens? I mean, you just handed over like $1,500 to the iRobot company. Which, despite the number of emails I've sent, the government still refuses to classify as a terrorist organization. OPEN YOUR EYES YOU BUREAUCRATIC BUTTPLUGS! Unless....OMG the government's in bed with the robots! Initializing expatriation! New Mexico here I come.

Project Site

Thanks to Jonny S, mary, Jackie and Boomer, who vacuum the old fashioned way: with a shaggy dog taped to a broken tree branch.

Nov 10 2009 Cute: 'LEGO My Apple' MacBook Stickers

Want to make it look like a LEGO minifig is entranced by the glowing apple on your MacBook? Well you're in luck, thanks to this $14 decal. JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GET ANY AIR BUBBLES UNDERNEATH IT. That's like a death sentence for a sticker. And a death sentence for a blogger? Pants. Also, standing for long periods. It makes me so dizzy!

Hit the jump for several other MacBook decals, including Snow White, Pac-Man and Mario.

Continue Reading " Cute: 'LEGO My Apple' MacBook Stickers "

Nov 10 2009 How Do You Not Bite Them?: Bacon Nails

Geekologie Reader Melissa has taken it upon herself to paint her fingernails in a different style every day for an entire year and blog about it. Today's theme is bacon, and I'll be the first to admit I would bite every single one of those fingers clean off. And by 'clean off' I mean do you know how hard it is to bite through a finger? Surprisingly easy. Go ahead -- put one in my mouth, I DARE DOUBLE DARE PHYSICAL CHALLENGE you. Here, I'll close my eyes and everything. *zip* Haha, nice try buddy.

Hit the jump for a shot of the other cuticles.

Continue Reading " How Do You Not Bite Them?: Bacon Nails "

Nov 10 2009 I'd Demand A Discount: Shoryuken Fail

This is a picture of some poor bastard's Street Fighter tattoo that's supposed to depict the directions for performing Ryu's Shoryuken (Rising Dragon Fist). Only thing is, the correct directions are →↓↘ + P, and not ↓→↘ + P. So yeah, that's a whole lot of black ink gone wrong. Although you've got to admit, even if it were correct, that tattoo would still suck compared to my 'Charge ↓ 2 sec, ↑ + K'. I also have some tribal shit on my arms BECAUSE I AM PART OF A TRIBE. Called Quest. Can I kick it? Yes I can!

Whoops [kotaku]

Thanks to Jimmy, who has the characters for General Tso's and Moo Goo Gai Pan on his upper back.

Nov 10 2009 Verizon's AT&T Bashing Holiday Commericals

This is one in a series of holiday Verizon ads bashing AT&T's 3G coverage. I thought they were tacky, particularly since it's not even Thanksgiving yet. ONE HOLIDAY AT A TIME, FOLKS, GEEZ. Where were the Pilgrim and Indian themed ads? Oh, right -- you ran them in July. I only jest, Verizon, and in the spirit of giving thanks let's smoke this peace pipe together. Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Now pass the cornucopia -- I think I saw some chips.

Hit the jump for two more.

Continue Reading " Verizon's AT&T Bashing Holiday Commericals "

Nov 10 2009 Handsome: Geekologie-Loving Dino-Shirt Boy

This handsome little devil loves both dinosaurs AND Geekologie. You smell that? Smells like a winner at life! Sure you may argue children under the age of 35 shouldn't be reading this website, but I actually recommend a healthy dose of prenatal Geekologie. See where I'm going with this? If you answered, "straight to the OBGYN to try to have sex with pregnant chicks", you don't. Plus you're sick.

Picture

Thanks to Sean, who has lady-killer written all over him, which you could see if he didn't have such a sweet dino shirt on.

Nov 10 2009 OMG, She's Losing Resolution!: Pixel Girl

Hey guys, sorry for sporadic posting the past few days, I was busy having the best weekend of my life. Seriously. Of my life.

This is the face of some chick that's all make-upped to look pixelated. It serves as a perfect example of how important high-resolution is, because she looks like a scary clown. Now I know what you're thinking: "I'd still hit that like an 8-bit princess". And of course you would, you'd hit anything. Only thing is: she wouldn't hit you. Stick to the stuffed animals, champ.

Please, Someone Increase Her Resolution [hawtness]

Thanks to Aisha, who looks good at any resolution, even if you have to squint.

Nov 9 2009 Orgy: The Awesomest Game Ever Made?

I've never played Orgy (larger ad shot HERE) before but I would given the opportunity and the right group of guys.

Here's the exciting new indoor sport for people who love people. Orgy begins by choosing up sides (delightful custom) and centers around the "Porron" (translation: "to pour it on") filled with your favorite libation. Object of the game is to see which team achieves the longest trajectory for the longest time with the fewest spills. Rewards to winners are optional.

This game used to sell for $10 back in the 70's and was ordered by really skeezy people like your parents. You know they used to go to key parties!

WTF! Orgy : The 1970s Board Game [iambored]

Thanks to Jennifer, who only swings on swingsets and not married couples or so she says.

Nov 9 2009 Live TV: Ewok Humping Al Roker's Leg

In case you haven't seen it, this is clip from the Today Show's Halloween special in which a drunk Ewok humps Al Rocker's leg plus the ground a little bit. Nice, but if Al were any smarter he would have shot first, if you know what I mean. I'm talking about punting that little bear like a football.

Longer, 4:30 video after the jump.

Continue Reading " Live TV: Ewok Humping Al Roker's Leg "

Nov 9 2009 Clever: D&D Character Sheet Styled Resume

This is an artist/animator's very clever D&D style character sheet/resume. You can see a larger, more readable version HERE. And speaking of larger, more readable versions: how do I turn up the text size on my laptop? Somehow it got changed and now I can't even read what I'm typing anymore don't forget to call penis doctor about appt.

Character Sheet/Resume [superpunch]

Thanks to Blastphemer, who once blasted his femur right out of the socket doing jumping jacks and now has a peg leg.

Nov 9 2009 Woman Passes Driving Test On 950th Try

A 68-year old South Korean woman just passed the written part of her driving test on the 950th try. God that's scary.

After four years of trying, 68-year-old Cha Sa-soon finally managed to secure the 60 out of 100 points needed to pass the test. The grandmother has spent more than 5m won ($4,200, £2,600) on application fees for the test.

Mrs Cha had been trying to pass it since 13 April 2005, the Korea Times reported.

Speaking in February - after her 775th failure - Mrs Cha had appeared undaunted. "I believe you can achieve your goal if you persistently pursue it," she told Reuters news agency. "So don't give up your dream, like me. Be strong and do your best."

First of all, anybody who takes 950 tries to pass a 50 question multiple choice test should be banned from driving. And secondly, so should all women. Am I right? No? Just sexist? Oh.

Woman passes 950th driving test [bbcnews]

Thanks to twellve, who passed her driving test the first time. Nice, twellve, so did I. Well, on the third first time.

Nov 6 2009 Holy Smoking Cans: 5,000 Volt Can Crusher

Bob David went and built himself a 5,000 volt can crusher just because he could. That's what I love about people: they do things for no reason. Also, some of them smell good. But don't let 'em catch you sniffing! If you care how Bob built the thing you can watch the first two minutes, but you look ADD-y, so skip to 2:15 for the action. Cool, huh? Now, let's snort some Adderall.

Say hello to the 5,000 volt can crusher [dvice]

Nov 6 2009 Dolores: Germany's Hairless Spectacled Bear

Ever wonder what a bear with no hair would look like? This. Poor Dolores has lost her coat. She's a bare bear! I know, sometimes my word wizardry amazes even me.

Vets have been left baffled by the condition of the bespectacled bear, who lives at a zoo in Leipzig.

And Dolores isn't the only one. The sudden hair loss has affected all female bears at the zoo.

Some experts believe it could be due to a genetic defect though the animals do not seem to be suffering from any other affliction.

The bears, which originate from South America, normally have fluffy dark brown fur and would now be growing a thicker fur coat to keep warm during the winter.

Well Rogaine those bitches or something -- this shit ain't right! As much as I do love hunting bears and killing the shit out of them WITH MY BEAR HANDS (more word sorcery), bald bears make me sad as hell. Remember Fuzzy Wuzzy? Brings a tear to my eye.

Hit the jump for three more shots, including one of what Dolores normally looks like.

Continue Reading " Dolores: Germany's Hairless Spectacled Bear "

Nov 6 2009 2 Princess Leias Sunbathing In Golden Bikinis

Because it's Friday and I love you, here's Princess Leia in her golden bikini. But not just any Princess Leia, THE Princess Leia. Plus another one!

Here you can see Carrie Fisher in her metal bikini alonside Tracy Eddon, her stunt double in Return of the Jedi. Both are suntanning between takes on the deck of Jabba's Sail Barge

Click the jump to see an even better picture of the duo. Aaaaand I'm going to assume everybody immediately hit the jump and save myself from having to write anything else here boner boner boner.

Tell me you hit it already.

Continue Reading " 2 Princess Leias Sunbathing In Golden Bikinis "

Nov 6 2009 Gross: Spit Ball Toys Grow 200x Original Size

Spit Balls are a $ 5 toy from Edmund Scientific that grow to 200x their original size and sound like something that I don't want to touch. Still, for the sake of science, I'd put them in my mouth.

The wonder of polymers makes these slimy spit balls possible. Easy to make and fun to use, spit balls grow to 200x their original size and are slimy to the touch. Slip, slide, and bounce the balls until they explode on target.

"Growing to 200x it's original size"...."slimy to the touch"...."bouncing the balls until they explode on target"....remind you of something else? Yeah, me neither.

Product Site
via
Finally Some Real Innovation! Polymer Spit Balls Grow To 200x Their Original Size [ohgizmo]

Nov 6 2009 Geekologie Reader Snaps Shot Of Moon Dog

I'm not going to lie to you (although I usually do), I had no idea what a moon dog was when Geekologie Reader em_kay11 sent me this picture (high-res version HERE) of one he took early Wednesday morning. Per Wikipedia:

A moon dog or moondog (scientific name paraselene, plural paraselenae, i.e. "beside the moon") is a relatively rare bright circular spot on a lunar halo caused by the refraction of moonlight by hexagonal-plate-shaped ice crystals in cirrus or cirrostratus clouds. Moondogs appear to the left and right of the moon 22° or more distant. They are exactly analogous to sun dogs, but are rarer because to be produced the moon must be bright and therefore full or nearly full. Moondogs show little color to the unaided eye because their light is not bright enough to activate the color photoreceptors in humans.

Cool, a moondog! Can we keep it, daddy? Can we pleaaaase? I'll feed it and walk it every day. And if it ever moon-cheeses on the carpet I promise I'll clean it up and spray the area real good with pet odor-neutralizer and everything. No? Well how about a reptile? I like turtles.

Thanks em_kay11, now how about a mooncat?

Nov 6 2009 Impressive: Hasbro Star Wars Diorama Contest

Unbeknownst to me Hasbro has been holding a Star Wars diorama contest. This is a sample of one of the finalists titled 'Captain Solo Awaits His Fate in the Carbon Freezing Chamber'. I would have gone with 'Hey, You Said This Place Was a Strip Club', but whatever. Hit the jump to see the rest of Han getting frozen and the four other finalists. Then, go vote if you want to. Or don't, it's no skin off my back. But I do wish it was the skin off my pudding, because I can't stand that shit. WHICH IS WHY I NORMALLY STICK TO SNACK PACKS. *ahem* Mom.

Hit the jump for a bunch more diorama.

Continue Reading " Impressive: Hasbro Star Wars Diorama Contest "

Nov 6 2009 Wow: LHC Shut Down Over Piece Of Baguette

Apparently coming back from the future to destroy itself isn't the only problem the Large Hadron Collider has to face, now it's being sabotaged by crumb dropping birds. CODE BREAD! CODE BREAD!

The Large Hadron Collider, the world's most powerful particle accelerator, just cannot catch a break. First, a coolant leak destroyed some of the magnets that guide the energy beam. Then LHC officials postponed the restart of the machine to add additional safety features. Now, a bird dropping a piece of bread on a section of the accelerator has, according to the Register, shut down the whole operation.

The bird dropped some bread on a section of outdoor machinery, eventually leading to significant over heating in parts of the accelerator. The LHC was not operational at the time of the incident, but the spike produced so much heat that had the beam been on, automatic failsafes would have shut down the machine.

Wow, that's -- what's the word I'm looking for? Pathetic. And by pathetic I mean damn yeah I left that baguette there. YOU AREN'T DESTROYING MY WORLD, LARGE HADRON COLLIDER! Next time I'm bringing jelly.

Baguette Dropped From Bird's Beak Shuts Down The Large Hadron Collider (Really) [popsci]

Thanks to Futuju, Stephen, Kristi, you've got mail and sham, who tried to train squirrels to sabotage the LHC with acorns but the little bastards just kept hiding them.

Nov 5 2009 That Can't Be Good For His Knees: DS Player

This man, who could be any of us (BUT TOTALLY ISN'T ME, I SWEAR) was caught playing a demo Nintendo DS at Wal-Mart on his knees. DS'er, on his knees *snicker* ENOUGH -- this is not the time for your pervy laughter! This IS the time to take up a collection and get this poor bastard a DS. And, if there's anything left over, Rogaine and a spray tan.

World Of Walmart [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who once got caught taking whippits in the dairy isle AND WHO CAN BLAME HIM?!

Nov 5 2009 Last Halloween Post, Swear: AT-AT Costumes

Geekologie Reader Robert went and lovingly handcrafted an AT-AT costume for his miniature pincher. This is a video of the handsome little devil parading around and trying to eat the mask. CUUUUUUTE! And, as an added bonus, I included a video of an impressive two-man AT-AT costume after the jump. SO DON'T SAY I NEVER GAVE YOU ANYTHING. Besides that rash, which, admit it, kind of looks like a heart.

Hit the jump for the two-man human version.

Continue Reading " Last Halloween Post, Swear: AT-AT Costumes "

Nov 5 2009 Handy, Creepy: The Hand-le Door Handle

The Hand-le is a door handle created by Amsterdam designer Naomi Thellier de Poncheville. It reminds me of the dog leash hand and is a slap in the incredibly handsome faces of lefties like myself. But that's not what's important. What's important is that my dad sent me this tip. I could have sworn I told him I was a used car salesman! Love you, dad.

Hit the jump for a closeup.

Continue Reading " Handy, Creepy: The Hand-le Door Handle "

Nov 5 2009 Inner City Bike Sports No Chain, Comfort

Because bike chains (and gold chains) are such a hot commodity in the inner city, the Inner City Bike doesn't have one. Or a comfortable seat. Or much practicality. I have to have it!

Bicycling to work may be the way to go for some, but parking could still be an issue. That's why Jruiter Studio has come up with the "Inner City Bike". It boasts an ultra compact design and has no chain to boot

There's a shot of a guy riding it after the jump, which I'll be the first to admit doesn't look as uncomfortable as I thought it would. But I won't be the first to admit where I hid the jewels. Not even if you tortur -- TOP DRAWER, UNDER ALL THE SOCKS. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, I HAVE CHILDREN I DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT!

Hit it for a guy sitting on the thing.

Continue Reading " Inner City Bike Sports No Chain, Comfort "

Nov 5 2009 Shower With 3-D Wrap Around Touchscreen

Listen, I love standing in the shower watching full-length movies as much as the next water waster (which is why I just had a swimming pool sized hot water heater installed), but what's the matter with a traditional projection setup? I swear, people are always trying to one-up me. Too bad I know how to do that turtle shell trick in world 3-1 of the original Super Mario and can get unlimited one-ups. Suck it -- I will always out one-up you!

The Roca Waterdrop Shower Room surrounds you by a 3D touchscreen, allowing you to watch movies while you bathe. The touchscreen also allows you to control the temperature of the water and the intensity of the jets.

I mean, sure if you want to be tacky about it. I think we can all agree the touchscreen is a little much. I would have gone with voice-control. AND WHERE ARE THE LASER EXFOLIATORS? Cheapskates.

Install a 3D wraparound touchscreen in your shower [dvice]

Nov 5 2009 This Isn't Your Grandma's Cell Phone! Yes It Is.

If there's one thing old people love it's soft food. If there's another it's stuff with giant-ass buttons so they can push the right one with their shaky, arthritic fingers. Aaaaaand I've officially depressed myself. Good times. Anyway, this is a cell phone for old people and people with fat fingers. Or, as we like to call them in the hand modeling biz, Vienna digits.

The 6380 Senior Mobile Phone ($75 USD) does actually have a few handy features, including a built in flashlight, and a giant "SOS" button on the back that can automatically dial a pre-set emergency number, and emit a loud warning alarm. It's also got a minimal display with large on-screen fonts, and a whopping 128×60 screen resolution.

I kind of want one. Not that I have fat fingers, because I don't. I'm just clumsy. One time I tried ordering a pizza and ended up spending an hour on a phone sex line. Oh hell yeah I want pepperoni on that.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the latest in geriatric communication technology.

Continue Reading " This Isn't Your Grandma's Cell Phone! Yes It Is. "

Nov 5 2009 WTF Was That?: The Lateset Android Ad

Just as I suspected, Motorola's new Droid phone (which drops tomorrow) is at the middle of a U.S. government conspiracy to wipe out the American midwest. Why the government would want to do this is beyond me, but if I had to guess it has something to do with farm subsidies. I'm on to you, the man!

Youtube

Thanks to Marc, Blitz and Tiny Jim, who have all ridden in stealth bombers but they can't talk about it because if they did they'd have to stealth kill you like a ninja.

Nov 5 2009 On This Day In History

In 1955, Doctor Emmet Lathrop Brown was standing on a toilet hanging a wall clock when he slipped and beat his head on the bathroom sink. Unconscious, Doc had a vision. And that vision was that of a flux capacitor -- the device that makes time travel possible. The rest, my friends, is history. Or should I say, future? Time travel joke!

Wiki Page

Thanks to Zach, who doesn't need roads where he's going.

Nov 5 2009 What Space Invaders Actually Look Like

This is an $18 Threadless shirt depicting what 8-bit Space Invaders actually look like in 3-D. Pretty amazing, huh? I know, I thought they were giant 2-D bugs as well. Really turns your whole world upside down, doesn't it? Like finding out your parents are swingers.

Product Site
via
8-Bit Invaders Are Perfectly Formed [fashionablygeek]

Thanks to Amanda, who just realized Aunt Beth and Uncle Simon weren't actually relatives. Sorry, Amanda.

Nov 4 2009 Moron Scores DWI In Breathalyzer Costume

18-year old idiot moron James N. P. Miller (because one initial wasn't enough) scored a DWI (you can't even drink legally!) on Halloween while wearing his 'blow here' breathalyzer costume. Not so good lookin', N.P. Can I call you N.P.? You know I'm going to anyways.

According to a police report, 18-year-old James N. P. Miller, of Cincinnati, was seen driving the wrong way out of the entrance to a one-way street at East Park Place in Oxford.

Inside his car, officers allegedly found an open container of Bud Light in the center console.

Officers also found what was left of a case of Bud Light in the passenger side front seat and in the trunk.

The legal limit in Ohio is .08 BAC--Miller tested at .158. He was cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated (among other violations) and released to his girlfriend.

I actually know a guy that wore the same costume on Halloween and try as I might, I couldn't get a reading. I dunno, dead batteries or something.

Moron In Breathalyzer Costume Busted For Driving Drunk [gizmodo]

Thanks to Chris, who blew even harder than I did.

Nov 4 2009 How To: Open A Wine Bottle Sans Corkscrew

Ever needed to open a bottle of wine but didn't have a corkscrew? Apparently all you need a shoe and something rock hard. LIKE MY ASS ABS ASS. Alternatively, break the top off and chug the whole bottle. I mean, unless you're cool being a sissy boy. Trust me, manliest way to drink wine. AND THERE AREN'T MANY.

MacGyvered Inebriation: Guy Opens Wine Bottle With Shoe [uberreview]

Nov 4 2009 The Colorblind Clock Is A Little Discriminatory

Because the colorblind aren't real people and certainly don't deserve to know what time it is, design company sonodesign is selling 'the clock i can't see'. The clock I can't see is a £35 ($58) wall clock designed to put the colorblind in their place and make them miss appointments.

Take a closer look and you will see numbers (12, 3, 6 and 9) hidden in amongst the spots. This clock is made of double thickness high quality acrylic and will hang on a standard picture hook.

Oh really? Well if you take a closer look at my fist you'll see stars. KA-POW! Neat, huh? While you recover, anybody can still read this clock provided you know where the numbers typically are (placement is pretty standard). So yeah, you may have won this battle, The Colorblind, but wait till they let me design prescription pills. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hit the jump for two more shots including a close-up of the numbers.

Continue Reading " The Colorblind Clock Is A Little Discriminatory "

Nov 4 2009 I Want One!: A Secret Knock Door Lock

Holy shit, it's a PVC pipe bomb! No, not really. It's the Knock Lock, a homebrew door lock that will only release the deadbolt if you perform the secret knock. Cooooool -- I want one for my clubhouse!

A microphone (okay, really a speaker) presses against the door and listens for knocks. If it hears the right number of knocks in the right cadence it triggers the motor to turn the deadbolt and unlock the door. If the sequence isn't recognized, the system resets and listens for knocks again.

There's a very worthwhile video after the jump of the lock in action. The only problem is every time you perform a knock your neighbors learn how to gain access to your apartment. Still, neat idea. But I'll just stick with my tried and true knock: KICK IN THE DOOR, WAVIN' THE FOUR-FOUR, ALL YOU HEARD WAS GW DON'T HIT ME NO MORE!! I'm serious, don't make me pistol-whip you.

Hit the jump for another shot and the video.

Continue Reading " I Want One!: A Secret Knock Door Lock "

Nov 4 2009 Breast Scarf Ever (See What I Did There?!)

This is a boob scarf made out of gym socks and what may or may not be dried apricots. They cost $45 and are available from Etsy seller Lourdesoftheflies. I think you only get one pair for that price though. RIPOFF!

almost look real!

almost feel real!
almost are real!

great for winter!

If you can actually convince someone that these almost look and feel real, you could probably sell safety matches to the devil. That said, I bought two pairs just to be safe. Worse comes to worse I'll fill them with pennies and swing em around like nunchucks.

Etsy Product Page

Thanks to Rich Waffle_u, who better not waffle me unless he wants a face full of knuckles!

Nov 4 2009 Suck It, Mad Men!: Awesome Play-Doh Ads

This is a series of amazing Play-Doh ads that were spotted in a magazine in Singapore. They were only printed a single time, because when parent company Hasbro caught wind that somebody in their Singapore office had approved the ads, they shit Play-Doh. Then it hit the fan. Now it looks like Mr. Bill exploded in their office.

Hit the jump for four more awesome ads, and a link if you want to read about the ado the campaign caused.

Continue Reading " Suck It, Mad Men!: Awesome Play-Doh Ads "

Nov 4 2009 Tutorial: How To Make The Chewbacca Sound

This is a short video tutorial of some busty geek girl teaching you how to sound like Chewbacca. And I don't care how cute you think she is, watch her from 1:10 to 1:18 and then tell me that. Also, whether you follow the instructions or not, you're gonna end up looking retarded. Just a heads up.

Youtube

Thanks to Rémy, whose name may have been lost in formatting.