Oct 5 2009Wait, What?: Fake Virginity Kits For Sale

fake-virgin.jpg

I don't even know what to say, except this makes me sad about the women in the world who are stoned and fed to dragons if they're not virgins when they're married. And you thought I was a heartless asshole.

No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.

Wow, did I really just read that? Because now I don't feel so good. The $30 kit ships from China and I suspect is manufactured using recycled condoms. Plus, I don't even know what. [Insert something here while I cry and puke at the same time]

Product Site

Thanks to Michael and The webcam in your monocle, who can't tell the difference between a virgin and a hole in the wall. Literally, no idea.

Related Stories
Reader Comments

if you comment on this your a loser with no life first!

Eh, at least I'm a loser who can spell:
"you're a loser"

WTF is the first reaction on that one then for some reason I think of nuns (shrug)

@2, agreed. The firstards are doing a fantastic job of making fun of themselves.
And wouldn't that make @1 the BIGGERST loser and have the least amount of life?


I digress. Nothing beats cherry poppin' the good ol' fashion way. With a turkey baster. Hiyo!

Haha, I said 'Biggerst'.

I'm so awesome.

i'm not a virgin.

OMG !!! I can't believe that kind of product do exist ! It also makes me sad for girls who would have to use that stuff...

Aw man, I already created my own with a plastic baggie, ketchup and a rubber band.

Wow. That's just sad and gross.

ANNNNNNDDDDD there goes my breakfast......i'd call that a side effect....

Well, atleast it beats paying the $2,000-$10,000 price tag for the plastic surgury to actually give you a hymen back...
What i find funny tho is the product company or brand is Gigimo.. I just have this feeling that Quagmire works for them and is naming all the products
"Giggity Giggity All right, i will name this wonderful thing..... Gigimo"

I wonder if Quagmire was about with the naming of Gizmo....

hahaha the things women do these days...
i could see some couger taking advantage of a young guy and fooling him into thinking she's still a virgin.. haha
i just hope my future wife doesn't pulls this sh** on me!

Good news for Recycling I guess. Never lose it!

I'm gonna get some of these for my wife... Then I'm gonna go out and buy a nicer couch so when she makes me sleep on it I won't get all cramped.

It gets worse. Egyptian conservatives are outraged and want the kits banned. Quote: "If this thing enters Egypt, the country is going to go to waste. God protect us," I try to be open minded about other cultures and beliefs, but this really makes me sad. :[

Dear #12: You are an idiot.
These are used by women who would otherwise be exiled or killed for not proving virginity. I personally find your attempt to compensate for a lack of a shlong much more kooky and hilarious!

Does it come in Behymen?

"*Made in Japan

This item will be shipped from China"

and for you filthy whores; Bulk discount! get 50 units for only $1000.00!

@ the product site

Artificial Virginity Hymen is created from Kyoto, Tapan at 1993.

Main causes of hymen tore or break:

* Strenuous exercise (Gymnastics, sports, martial art, horse riding, etc)
* Premarital Sex
* Childhood accident (Hard object)
* Wearing a tampon for the first time

WTF?

Made in Japan, so you know its safe.

That is disgusting.

anything to make money

To all the Virgins out there.....
Thanks for NOTHING!!!!!

I'm speechless!

Don't worry, GW, nobody here thinks you're heartless. . .

lol i knew guy named Hymen once

Man... wtf.

Hahahahaha they get cheaper if you buy 50 of them

@16
if a woman is afraid of being exiled or killed fro failing to prove virginity, she could, oh i dont know, stay a virgin?

triforce
triforce
TRIFORCE

hey yeah, this comments page totally showed me how none of you understands anything. im from egypt and honestly nobody here gets stoned or killed for not being a virgin as oprah or whatever sick opportunist tv show wants you to believe.
if a woman isnt a virgin usually the guy would be forgiving enough to let go, past is past. worst that could happen is a divorce. i dont expect any of you to understand but it does have a certain weight here. people are expected to save themselves for the one, premarital sex is really frowned upon.

we are just as keen on keeping our moral values as you are so keen on losing them, so the way I see it people here are totally justified in banning it. try to understand that people have different cultures and values, and just because it doesn't agree with your lifestyle doesn't mean its retarded and pointless

#16, you're a brainwashed monkey.
#31, good point. but its not for the fear of getting killed. we still believe in "saving up yourself for the one" and "not letting your pussy take control"

That's horrendous in so many ways.

@33
My in-laws are from Egypt too, and they disowned my wife when the she got pregnant before we were married, but conveniently wanted to be a part of her life once our daughter was born.
They almost missed out on experiencing they joy of grandchildren, because they put 'their beliefs' before 'their love' of their own children.

@33: careful bud, they might invade you for saying that, virgin ..or not !

EEwwwwww!!!!

Can't you just use a rubber balloon and some cherry Kool-Aid instead?

Personally I find it disturbing and a travesty.

Apparently Egyptian politicians feel the same way.

[[Sheik Sayed Askar, a member of the conservative Muslim Brotherhood political party, said: "It will be a mark of shame on the ruling party if it allowed this product to enter the market."]]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/egypt/6264656/Egyptian-politicians-call-for-Gigimo-Artificial-Virginity-Hymen-kit-to-be-banned.html

@36: If #33 is a guy, then it doesn't matter. In Egypt, and Islamic cultures, men can do basically whatever they want, and women are subserviant, and less than the men. So if a guy isn't a virgin when he gets married, i don't think it matters. Thats why muslim women have to wear the burkas.... because if a man is tempted to cheat on his wife with another woman, it is the womans fault for being pretty. Basically the men have to take no responsibility for anything over there.

@33-- the only morals of any value are the ones that come from yourself, out of self-respect. And are only for yourself.

The moral "values" that are dictated to you by religions are mental straight-jackets that are fitted on you as a child and never allowed to change as you grow. They keep most people emotionally infantile.

And believe me, we have them here, too. They're called Rightwing or Fundamentalists. And they're just as big hypocrites as you are.

that's just plain retarded, if the poor SOB doesn't realize that something feels different when you penetrate he obviously never had sex before. If you really want to be convincing just go to Korea and get the surgery done to get your virginity back, its popular since 10 years ago.

this is #33 again
#36 - and you're saying this based on what? honey I can see you have no effin clue what islamic or arab culture is about. stop getting all your stereotypes from movies and go out meet real people. all that crap about women being treated as inferior to men is bullshit, islam gave women equal rights (and responsibilities) to men. (and before you jump in with facts about how women in saudia etc are treated.. i wont deny those, saudis are uptight crackpots)

#40 - like I said before, your contempt for religion doesn't mean its absolutely wrong all the time. what if those moral values made sense to us, what if they do come from ourselves too? there is no such thing as a religious authority in arabic culture, no church or pope, so nothing is really dictated on you. its all in how you're raised by your parents. and we are free to raise our kids on our own moral values, like you're free to raise your kids to be drunk pregnant sluts at 16...

@42
horse shit

that didn't come out right!!!!

(cough) horse shit (cough)

there, maybe that worked


Must See!!!

http://alturl.com/obg7
________________

@15 look what you started
@16 you're not as smart as you try to sound

this is one of the best comment pages i have read in a while....thank you revirginator!

P.S. I want!

@39
carefull, dont mix cultures. each country has its own culture and elements of that culture might not necessarily match with the religion of the country. for example, in the united states: premarital sex, divorce, affairs? im pretty sure those things are , if not completely forbidden, heavily frowned upon in all forms of Christianity. as for the burkas thing, that was there long before Islam showed up. arab men are just hornier than most if not all other men.

@43
no islamic vatican. you call that horseshit?

@40
moral values are dictated by everything: parents, friends, yourself, religion, etc.... you make the choice on how to interpret each of those values and how to follow them.

@47
No, I'm saying it is horse shit to "there is no such thing as a religious authority in arabic culture, no church or pope, so nothing is really dictated on you. its all in how you're raised by your parents. and we are free to raise our kids on our own moral values, like you're free to raise your kids to be drunk pregnant sluts at 16..."

My in-laws nearly shit a brick, and refused to believe, that my wife doesn't consider herself to be muslim. They tried telling us that she IS muslim, because they are muslim, and she was born muslim, she is still muslim, eventhough she's always questioned the religion. The muslim religion treats it men much better than it treats its women.

Yeah.... muslim women are really treated as equals?

In practice Sharia law has sometimes resulted in women living in fear or disadvantage. In instances of rape some authorities of Sharia law require for an allegation to be validated, victims must have four Muslim-Male witnesses to the crime or else the victims risk being charged with fornication or adultery.[112] In Yemen, Sharia law required compensation to be paid to the husband in the case of a 10 year old child bride who requested a divorce after rape and abuse[113] (the minimum age of marriage under Sharia law is sexual maturation[114]).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharia#Women

who quotes wikipedia?
#48 your inlaws are messed up. they didn't pay attention to their kid growing up and now are blaming her for their mistakes. you need to know more about the true muslim religion, and keep an open mind about it.

your bad experience with your inlaws shouldnt mean you can brand an entire one fifth of the world population or one of the world's major religions. or you'd be just like bush's cronies, labelling all muslims as terrorists after 9/11.

#49 see what 47 jeeves said. most of that stuff incorrectly filed under sharia is just ancient tribal traditions which islam is actually fighting against. famous story. the bedouins of arabia before islam used to bury their girls alive for fear of them bringing shame to their families. islam abolished that along with so many things, giving women the right to actually own things in their name. something that didnt reach christianity till a thousand years later..

i feel sorry about you and your inlaws mate. they really messed things up. but don't let that blind you ey? we're not all monsters here.

@50
You may have the wrong idea of what i'm trying to say. I'm not saying all Muslims are bad. I still talk with my in-laws and we visit them practically every other weekend. All I'm saying is that men and women are not treated the same in the muslim religion.
I've said it before (not in this thread though), and I'll say it again I have a problem anyone who blindly follows their religion, and uses it to rule on aspects of their life.
My wife and I both don't like organized religion, because growing in a catholic church i've seen that its all about money.
I think religion is great to show people how to be better people, and it should be used as a 'guide' to show people how to be better to each other, but to follow it blindly and obey what was written in some book (by a man) as fact and law.

(And the only reason i quoted wikipedia, was because it was the first source i found to explain what i was talking about. I've learned a lot about the muslim religion over the past 5 years. I celebrate Eid and other muslim holidays with my in-laws, even though they don't celebrate the christian holidays with us)

As a theologian and an apologist I find your comments very interesting and telling about the lack of understanding, substance, and morality in western culture. First I want to start with a strong suggestion, read the book "Why the Rest Hate the West." It's a great book. In any case I want to address a specific comment regarding how morality is only determined by the self. If that were true, what validates a moral claim if it's based on the self? Ask yourself a question, why do you detest perceived inhuman treatment of women in other cultures? If I may presume an answer; it's because you find it to be inherently evil. Just like acts of murder, sexual abuse, or individuals like Madoff who stole millions of money from not only individuals but from large organizations like the one started by Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesle.

Without getting into a complex argument, if you claim that morality is only developed by the individual, is doesn't hold water. The reason for this is if we have the example of individuals who molest children, they sincerely feel attracted to children as an 'average' person feels attracted to others their own age. Now, if we follow your logic, because they are sincere in their feeling right about what the majority has decided is wrong, is their sense of morality correct? I would argue it's not. In short my argument is that inorder for morality to be true it must be based upon something beyond the self. That may be the society (which means we MUST be relative when dealing with what we view as anti-female laws in Muslim nations) or it is based upon what we view as the Ultimate Good, whatever that may be.

@closet nerd again. just so you'd know islam is nothing like catholicism, so you can't put a blanket assessment on all religions just because of la vaticana and all the craziness they do.
and just one more time i have to say that equyality of sexes and races is one of the main rules in islam, even if some societies have discriminatory traditions, that doesn't have anything to do with it (not that I approve but who doesn't have those, anyway?) up to you to believe what you want, then.cheers mate

@48
no it doesnt, read the riligion before u decide to say such a thing. ill admit freely that arab men dont treat women as equal but the riligion itself honors women more than even modern laws do.
@everyone
before anyone judges anyone's religion, one should first research the religion themselves and prety much ignore what people say. no one is perfect so no one does exactly what their religion says to do. two great examples: in Christianity, im pretty sure that one of the biggest tenets is mercy, or turn the other cheek. anyone remember the crusades?
in islam: it clearly states that everyone is allowed to have their own religion and they shouldn't be persecuted just for having a different religion but of course there are groups that would attack foreigners just cause they arent of the same religion.

@ 52
i slightly disagree on ur morality point. i believe that morality is based only on the self and self choices. one may be influenced by the society around them but in the end, one choses what moral values to make their own, what is good and what is bad for them. we may decide for example that the killing and eating of other human beings is an evil and disgusting act but there are tribes in some deep parts of the world that think nothing of it. as for individuals like madoff, or any thief or rapist out there, they sincerely feel, at leas at the time of the action, that they deserve the money they stole or they deserve to have the woman they are raping.
what im trying to say is that each person has their own moral code, their own conscience that tells them whether what they are doing is right or wrong and each one can freely ignore their conscience. societies may have a majority of individuals who frown upon something as "inherently evil" and therefore they make laws to il-legalize this something for example stealing and murder. but if enough ppl decided suddenly that stealing cars is ok, then suddenly you would find that auto theft is now legal.

Virgins are overrated...

@ someone

If you are distressed by Closet Nerd's views on the Muslim religion, you might want to take a look at your own sweeping generalization of America. It would be presumptuous to judge us on what Hollywood does. That being said, I prefer Egypt over possibly any other Islamic majority country. I feel that they are a lot more politically and spiritually enlightened than most. You yourself must admit that Egypt itself has come a long way to tolerating and even embracing other (more western) cultures in the past 20 years.

This doesn't give your virginity back, it only makes you more able to pretend you had it back. Virginity is more than just a hymen, and it would take a time machine for you to get back your virginity.

Ummm, where can these be bought now?

your bad experience with your inlaws shouldnt mean you can brand an entire one fifth of the world population or one of the world's major religions. or you'd be just like bush's cronies, labelling all muslims as terrorists after 9/11.

Hi..
I already created my own with a plastic baggie, ketchup and a rubber band.

lol i thnk if u need it then use it but if u dont then forget about it its not that big of a deal llolols

i need 1 & im in egypt, how can i get it?
btw , in egypt ,it is a matter of life & death. & sometimes its not ur coice to be or not to be a vergin

hi im getting marrid in 2 mounts and i need to buy few of them so i can practise before my wedding night plz help me and let me know how to buy them online.

this is really messed up,this will cause a bunch of break ups

this stuff is just really dumb,i mean like if u have to fake it ur a whore or something,or ur affraid that ur partner will think of u differently,and if thats the case u should break up cuz if he or she is gona judge u off of not being a vergin then he or she does not really love you.thats the honest to god truth.

I'm a Virgin

Post a Comment

Please keep your comments relevant to the post. Inappropriate or promotional comments may be removed. Email addresses are required to confirm comments but will never be displayed. To create a link, simply type the URL (including http://) or email address. You can put up to 3 URLs in your comments.