Sep 8 2009Robotic Bear Will Kill You In The Hospital
This is a promotional video for RIKEN's RIBA, a robotic pedo-bear that was designed to pick hospital patients up out of their beds and discreetly crush their genitals. Yeah, no thanks. Oh, and don't let the Whinny the Pooh music in the video fool you, this robo-bear would maul your whole damn face off and wear it like a mask for a single pot of oil. Don't believe me? Ask Piglet.
Couldn't find him, could you? Draw your own conclusions.*
*Tigger and I roasted that delicious son of a bitch.
Thanks to ANON, who once got Pooh so high he ate like forty jars of honey and then tried to rob a hive at gunpoint.
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Reader Comments
1. Mr. cow - September 8, 2009 4:29 PM
Moo
2. naas - September 8, 2009 4:29 PM
it's softer than it looks, honestly - just don't quote me on it
3. TopBanana - September 8, 2009 4:30 PM
It is all fun and nice until someone hacks one and makes it steal your babies
4. Jaycob - September 8, 2009 4:31 PM
lol
5. naas - September 8, 2009 4:31 PM
Ha, imagine waking up from surgery in that things arms
*yawn... "I feel ....WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWTFZOMG!!111!!!11!1!!!!!"
6. therealRoboticDeathArmy - September 8, 2009 4:34 PM
@4 start contributing more to a post than a simple lol. what a waste of space. In relation to the post i could care less.
7. jaja - September 8, 2009 4:35 PM
REAL !
This is a complete real post.
You can tell because I've seen the thing being developed...
It's just like every other real thing that truly exists.
8. Tennist0 - September 8, 2009 4:35 PM
who the hell thinks up these torturous things?!!? nut jobs! Speaking of nuts, where are my balls? My magnetic balls!!!
9. therealRoboticDeathArmy - September 8, 2009 4:36 PM
@7 SHUT UP
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. LSDiesel - September 8, 2009 4:46 PM
This makes me a sad panda.
11. crack - September 8, 2009 4:50 PM
Because there is not enough pedophiles in real life, the Japanese attempt to remedy this situation by building a robotic PedoBear!!!
12. finfan - September 8, 2009 4:55 PM
Umm... Hey fill me in; What happened to *cough* daisy? *cough*
13. Halfasshorse - September 8, 2009 5:02 PM
Why a bear!? Bear MAUL people! Loose the face and I can tolerate it.
14. Taylored - September 8, 2009 5:07 PM
I really do not see any value in this robot. I kept waiting for this bear to rip off someones head and/or arm and eat it but...nothing. Just really lame slow motion hand shaking.
15. Brandon - September 8, 2009 5:25 PM
What's the point of having a robot that can lift people if it can't even put them in a wheelchair! ... We already have robots that do this except there not cute and bent on revenge against humans!
16. _me - September 8, 2009 5:48 PM
I was totally waiting for that bear to just slap that chick when she clapped her hands at it. That would've been awesome.
But honestly, that bear's bedside manner is wonderful, he doesn't pee on the floor, and his chest panel is really a refrigerated compartment loaded with sodas.
17. rubber pickles - September 8, 2009 5:54 PM
The chinese are known to be pretty mean. And stinky.
18. Dream - September 8, 2009 5:54 PM
rofl "Crush your genitals"
19. Daisy - September 8, 2009 6:00 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie NEver BAck DOwn where Max went to Jellystone park, and a bear posed as an insurance salesman to try and trick him in order to steal his picnic basket.
20. Jaycob - September 8, 2009 6:04 PM
@6 lol sorry I'm dieing
21. Jaycob - September 8, 2009 6:08 PM
and have nothing better to do
22. SoapScum - September 8, 2009 6:12 PM
I saw this at Bathcaptain.com SOOOOO long ago. I think they got it from there but forgot the back link. Great pictures there too.
www.themostawesomepageintheuniverse.com
You'll love yourself for checking it out.
23. ciao - September 8, 2009 7:47 PM
screw those bears....I rather have oni bot nurses...now that's a fun trip to the hospitable :D
24. JSDavidson - September 8, 2009 8:23 PM
The future of pedobear
25. TheAntipodean - September 8, 2009 9:08 PM
All that needs is the radiohead bear face added on... http://www.dansmallspresents.com/smallsworld/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/bear1radiohead.gif
26. Bob - September 8, 2009 9:36 PM
Next it will takes kids' temperatures the other way....
27. kymani - September 8, 2009 10:25 PM
that robot was created by north korea so when the japanese president comes in a self destruct feature activates
(u can make a robot go on a rampage by farting on its......figure it out there are some places that my pet robot doesnt like to be discussed)
28. Dannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn - September 8, 2009 11:19 PM
I jumped around but gave up after seeing the clip title, "controlling position by touching" at 1:50.
29. SHADOW6 - September 8, 2009 11:51 PM
paint it brown its pedro bear !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://static.funnyjunk.com/pictures/funny_junk28.jpg
the child petifile
30. Robot - September 9, 2009 1:39 AM
aww thinking of having the cold loving arms of a cute child raping robot bear makes me feel all warm inside.
31. Zed - September 9, 2009 5:02 AM
When does the Kevorkian model come out?
32. Mr Man - September 9, 2009 6:24 AM
Is that Pedobear?
33. Andyman - September 9, 2009 7:13 AM
Okay, that's basically a fork truck disguised as a robot disguised as a bear.
34. Jaded Icon - September 9, 2009 7:54 AM
@ 22
Have you no shame? We know you're Bathcaptin. "You'll love yourself for checking it out."??? You just scored an 11 on a 1-10 scale for douchebaggery.
35. Eskimo Dave - September 9, 2009 8:50 AM
@36: You are totally correct. Casey aka "BathCaptain" is just doing a little douchey-style advertising... At least it's not one of those fûcking MyBrute links.
36. Heather - September 9, 2009 9:20 AM
PIGLET!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! ::hysterical sobbing::
37. Hudson - September 9, 2009 11:05 AM
The kid looks like he's really enjoying that.
38. GoSS Jerk now sterilized for your pleasure - September 9, 2009 12:09 PM
@ 22 stop linking that crapy page, go rot in hell with Firstards, BathCaptain (that would be yourself) Daisy Wanabees, 29 and 30.
@ my firewall, i hate you
@ 6 ... long time no read...
39. capuziner - September 9, 2009 3:53 PM
Was anyone else instantly reminded of The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time?
The music made it seem like this could very well have been a hidden mini game that I never came across.
40. Barry - September 10, 2009 5:26 PM
I'm betting this thing is one fuse shy of folding people small enough to fit in a suitcase. If I ever end up in a Japanese Hospital I'm gonna be packing a taser round shotgun.
41. fhhhhgj - September 11, 2009 2:52 AM
Shox r4 shoes
Thanks for posting, I really enjoyed your most recent post. I think you should post more often, you obviously have natural ability for blogging!
42. Circe - November 28, 2009 5:17 PM
Just imagine how much more bear they'd need to lift an American patient.