Jun 30 2009 I Would Destroy: This WALL-E Cake

If I were in prison and could only have one thing I would want a chastity belt. But if I could have two things I would want a chastity belt and a cake with a file in it. What? I like to keep my nails looking good. Also, looking a little cross-eyed there, WALL-E -- been playing with yourself again?

Wall E Cake is Simply Delicious [walyou]

Jun 30 2009 UPDATE: ZOMG, Freaking Sewer Creatures!

This is allegedly video from the sewers beneath Raleigh, North Carolina showing some weird ass freaky deaky new creatures. I suspect it's fake and gonna prove to be a viral video for Cloverfield 2: Attack of the Head Crabs or some feminine hygiene product. But who knows, maybe it's real. Regardless, I think we can all agree that it would be delicious BBQ'd.

UPDATE: Totally real apparently. According to Dr. Timothy Wood, freshwater bryozoa expert.

Thanks for the video - I had not see it before. No, these are not bryozoans! They are clumps of annelid worms, almost certainly tubificids (Naididae, probably genus Tubifex). Normally these occur in soil and sediment, especially at the bottom and edges of polluted streams. In the photo they have apparently entered a pipeline somehow, and in the absence of soil they are coiling around each other. The contractions you see are the result of a single worm contracting and then stimulating all the others to do the same almost simultaneously, so it looks like a single big muscle contracting. Interesting video.

BURN IT WITH FIRE! Somebody in Raleigh needs to start flushing fireworks down the toilet STAT.

Video Footage Surfaces of North Carolina Sewer Creatures [io9]
and
Disgusting Sewer Creature Update: IT'S F#$%ING REAL! [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who requests his medium rare with a side of A-1.

Jun 30 2009 Blocky Moonwalky: Michael Jackson As LEGO

This is Michael Jackson in LEGO form. And, because I'm actually made of solid gold classiness, I'm not going there. And by there I mean Michael Jackson jokes. And by not going I mean I heard they're going to burn the body so he can be the king of snap and crackle now too. *moonwalks self in crotch*

Michael Jackson - Moonwalk [mocpages]

Thanks to naas, who danced his ass off one time. Literally, both cheeks, gone.

Jun 30 2009 Meaty: Vegan Vs. Carnivore Support Groups

I was heavily vegetarian for almost four years when I was married (the dark years) and let me tell you: non-dairy cheese turns into hard plastic when baked in a Thanksgiving broccoli casserole. I still served it though. And not a single person tried it. So you know what I did? I killed them all. Softly, with my song. Oh yeah, I strummed that pain.

soyf*ckers anonymous [passiveaggressivenotes]

Thanks to Jeff and Barry, who are in your fridge pilfering your bacon.

Jun 30 2009 Pew Pew, Kids, Pew Pew!: TIE Fighter Fort

Do you spoil your kids? You shouldn't. Which is exactly why you should buy this $75 TIE Fighter playset for yourself and never let them touch touch it. Rope it off in the corner of the living room and sit in it making PEW PEW PEWs while they stare longingly at all the fun you're having. Ask them who wants to play space battle and then tell them you've changed your mind and you'd trade either one of them for a new lawnmower in a heartbeat. Then, send them to bed with no dinner. It's what my parents did, and look how well I turned out. I AM A CATCH. And by catch I mean hellhound. Ladies? GRRRRRRR!

Tie Fighter Playhouse Recruiting For The Dark Side Early [io9]

Thanks to Julian, who can play space with the best of them.

Jun 30 2009 Goodbye Cruel World: The Wearable Towel

Following in the stylish footsteps of the Snuggie, Slanket, Peakaroo, WonderRobe, MagicJacket, CarpetVest and PlushiePants, comes the Wearable Towel (THAT'S THE BEST YOU COULD COME UP WITH?!). It's a towel with holes in it that you put your head and arms through. And wear. Like an animal pelt, but way more Roman. They cost $20 plus shipping and handling and come in red, white and blue. BECAUSE THEY'RE AMERICAN DAMNIT! Like apple pie, if apple pie was manufactured in Singapore.

Official Site

Thanks to yourmotherslover, who may or may not be your dad.

Jun 30 2009 It's Itsy Bitsy!: Tiny Drill Is Tiny

This is a super tiny drill. It is the opposite of this drill. If these two drills were siblings, this one would be Danny Devito in Twins. But it does actually work (video HERE). Now I have no idea what in the hell you'd use such a tiny drill for, but if I had to guess, I'd go with dollhouse repairs. You hear that, Ken? *sobbing* THIS DREAMHOUSE IS IN SHAMBLES!

Micro Power Drill [bookofjoe]

Thanks to naas, whose drill is not much bigger. Burn? BURN!

Jun 30 2009 Miss You: The Pirate Bay Has Been Sold

The Pirate Bay, one of the world's best known torrent search portals, is being sold to some Swedish firm. It will no longer be so piratey.

Global Gaming Factory X AB, a Swedish firm that runs Internet cafes and game centers, plans to buy The Pirate Bay for 60 million kronor (~$8 million), twice the fine that was slapped on The Pirate Bay defendants by a Stockholm court earlier this year.

...the new owners plan to make it a legal service that allows "content providers and copyright owners [to] get paid for content that is downloaded via the site."

"Legal service"...."paid for content"....they better change the name.

Pirate Bay sold, to become more like Carnival Cruise Lines [arstechnica]

Thanks to Thumperchica and Zombie Pirate LeChuck, who agrees this isn't even Disney Pirate's Bay any more.

Jun 29 2009 Sadness: Superheroes, The Golden Years

This is a little gallery of superheroes past their prime. They were all drawn by Italian artist Donald Soffritti and made me sadder than hell. You know, because they got me thinking about growing old and shit. Too profound for you? I'm deeper than an ocean trench.

Hit the jump for some of my favorites, then the link for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " Sadness: Superheroes, The Golden Years "

Jun 29 2009 Boom Boom: Guy Snaps Supersonic Picture

Ronald Dejarnett is the U.S. Navy sonar technician that snapped this pic of an F-22 going boom boom over the Gulf of Alaska. Quick shootin', Ronald -- I probably would have peed a little and yelled DECEPTICON! But that could be my special forces training talking.

A Picture Is Worth About $138 Million [gizmodo]

Jun 29 2009 Clever: NES Controller Wireless Doorbell

Some guy went and stuffed a wireless doorbell into an old NES controller. That is all. There's a video of it in action after the jump. SPOILER ALERT: it goes ding-dong.

Hit it for the video. MASH THE BUTTON. DO IT. YOU MASH IT GOOD!

Continue Reading " Clever: NES Controller Wireless Doorbell "

Jun 29 2009 I'm In Love

I have never felt feelings like this before. Marry me?

Hit the jump for a couple more of the before and after.

Continue Reading " I'm In Love "

Jun 29 2009 Michael Jackson: Singer, Dancer, Inventor

Sure the dude danced, but did you know he invented? It's true, Michael developed a shoe that made the impossible forward-lean in his 'Smooth Criminal' dance routine possible.

He did it with special shoes that quickly slid into pegs that rise out of the floor at just the right moment. Also helping the effect were rigid anklets that worked like ski boots, supporting Jackson and his entourage of dancers as they leaned forward at that magic angle.

Cool, but you know what I want? Moonwalk shoes. One time I went to a club with a friend of mine who can moonwalk. He only did it for like five seconds. Thirty women got pregnant.

Hit the jump for a video of Michael performing the stunt, action is at 3:50.

Continue Reading " Michael Jackson: Singer, Dancer, Inventor "

Jun 29 2009 Mmmm, Chocolatey: The S'Mores Keyboard

This is probably the most delicious keyboard I've ever seen because I haven't seen a bacon one yet. Unfortunately, like a harmless robot, it doesn't actually exist. BUT IF IT DID. Oh, the things I would do to you. Oh yeah, you like that? You like those Doritos crumbs? You like those Doritos crumbs between your marshmallows?

S'More Keyboard Would Not Survive 10 Minutes on My Desk [gizmodo]

Thanks to GreenBoss, who kicked FuchsiaBoss's ass and ate his keyboard.

Jun 29 2009 Mini Pews: Cutest Mega Man Cosplay EVER

I remember getting this tip a while ago but I forgot to post it because sometimes my inbox gets so full of boner pill spam that I lose track of things. So I apologize to whoever it was that sent it then. I heart you. Anyway, the cutest Mega Man ever.

My son dressed up in his Mega Man Costume learning to say PEW

Did your heart just go pitter patter? That might be the most beautiful sentence I've ever read. Minus the part about having a kid.

Youtube

Thanks to KPW and whoever sent me this before, who, *PEW PEW!* Haha, gotcha.

Jun 29 2009 Carnivorous Robots Eat Meat For Power

That's right folks, robots that consume organic matter to power themselves. Scared yet? You should be. Your pants should be full right now. If not, more fiber. This particular model is a flytrap that digests insects to power a clock.

UK-based designers James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau believe that, if robots are ever to be welcomed into people's homes, they'll need to fit in with the rest of the furniture, and earn their keep. Their prototypes trap and digest pests like flies and mice to gain energy.

Finally, robots that digest meat -- because that's what I want in the house. So let me get this straight: you're a robot AND YOU EAT MEAT. Welcome home!

Hit the jump for another picture of the flytrap and a coffee table that eats mice.

Continue Reading " Carnivorous Robots Eat Meat For Power "

Jun 29 2009 Billy Mays Has Left The Infomercial Set

Billy Mays, a man best known for kicking Vince "Shamwow" Shlomi's ass in a no-holds-barred cagefighting match, died over the weekend following a freak head injury heart blockage. He was 50.

Police said Mays told his wife he didn't feel well when he went to bed Saturday night. Earlier in the day, he said he was hit on the head when his airliner had a rough landing at Tampa Bay's airport.

But the airline said no passengers reported any serious injuries, and Mays himself cheerfully recounted the landing for a local TV station.

Wow, that's pretty scary. Life is short folks, fight stains while you still can.

R.I.P. Billy.

Autopsy planned for TV pitchman Billy Mays [yahoo]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in. Stay clean guys, stay OxiClean.

Jun 27 2009 MacBooks Made With Space Technology

Here's video proof MacBooks are made with space technology. Now I don't want to ruin it for you, but I'm going to anyways: they are among us. And by they I mean them. The French.

Liveleak

Thanks to Ryan, Geekologie fan.

Jun 27 2009 MUTANT!: Motorcycle Sidecar Is Actual Car

Francois Knorreck spent ten years and $20,000 to create this "Snaefell", a motorcycle with a sidecar made from an actual car. It looks pretty damn sleek. Not as sleek as my mane, but I use women's haircare products. Also, hygiene producst. What? I can have a cycle too!

Hit the jump for several more shots of the confusion.

Continue Reading " MUTANT!: Motorcycle Sidecar Is Actual Car "

Jun 27 2009 First Image Of A New Memory Being Formed

Allegedly, this is the first image captured of a new memory being formed on the cellular level. If your brain were dinner, new memories would be the glowing noodle appetizer.

The image shows that proteins are created at connections between brain cells when a long-term memory is formed. Neuroscientists had suspected as much, but hadn't been able to see it happening until now.

Scientists still want to understand more about how our brains translate memories made on the go into long-term storage. Since synapses are connections between cells, experts think that fortifying these connections, or perhaps even making new ones, helps our minds associate different ideas and form memories of connected events.

Speaking of memories, you remember the time we snuck off and made out in that house that was being built? Yeah, that was really, um -- that wasn't you, was it? Oh synapse!

First Image of a Memory Being Made [livescience]

Jun 26 2009 Guy Fills iPhone With Cleverly Made Icons

This is a pretty exciting picture of some guy's iPhone. As you can see, he traded all the icons out for pictures he made himself. Pretty cute. Not the phone -- your dog. Can I pet it?

This iPhone is Freakin' Hilarious [gizmodo]

Thanks to greg, who traded out all his iPhone icons for nothing because WHO NEEDS BUTTONS AM I RIGHT?!

Jun 26 2009 Samurai Swordsman Cuts Baseball In Half

Resident samurai Isao Machii returns, this time cutting a launched baseball in half. Unfortunately, it took him two tries. I could have done it in one, making a second ball obsolete. Rollerblading accident. It unraveled.

Japanese Samurai Slices Pitched Baseball In Half [totalprosports]

Thanks to Dan, who once chopped a thrown bowling ball in half with laser vision.

Jun 26 2009 Swedish Women Win Right To Tan Topless

In what will probably be the awesomest news I'll hear all day, Swedish women in Malmö have officially won the right to go to public pools with their knockers hanging out. *sniff* I think we're really making progress here.

...some on the council had lobbied for wording which would have required women to keep their nipples covered, but Forsberg explained that attempting to enforce such a rule would have been too complicated.

"We don't define what bathing suits men should wear so it doesn't make much sense to do it for women. And besides, it's not unusual for men to have large breasts that resemble women's breasts," he said.

OH HO, you just had to sneak a manboob burn in there didn't you? I'M WORKING ON THEM, OKAY? And by working on I mean fondling. Oooh la la.

Yay Sweden! Swedish Women Won Rights to Bathe Topless [neatorama]

Thanks to Mags, who was in shock I hadn't already motorboated this story.

Jun 26 2009 That's More Like It: 7 Pound, 4.5" Thick Pizza

Andy is the man responsible for yesterday's 2-inch thick pizza. And he got pretty upset several of you commenters weren't feeling his efforts. So, to spite you, he made a bigger, 7 pound, 4.5-inch thick pizza yesterday. Take that, naysayer!

Okay, I saw that my pizza I posted a couple of hours ago got posted on Geekologie, that's cool, I read that blog on a daily basis. But apparently most of the readers over there wasn't that impressed. And some even thought it was fake, and that's just ridiculous. So I felt I had to do another thick pizza. So here we go:

340g pineapple (190 kcal)
70g asparagus (14 kcal)
360g bacon (1152 kcal)
750g cheese (2700 kcal)
275g majonays (1980 kcal)
170g shrimp (145 kcal)
400g ham (520 kcal)
200g salami (780 kcal)
600g tomato paste + dough (1098 kcal)
1 egg (90 kcal)

All in all, this bad boy has 8669 kcal in it and weigh 7.08 lbs (3215g)

Happy now? I swear, some of you are so hard to please. Especially the ladies. I don't know know what I'm doing -- I get lost down there!

Hit the jump for a couple pre-baking shots.

Continue Reading " That's More Like It: 7 Pound, 4.5" Thick Pizza "

Jun 26 2009 Vroom Vroom?: Piaggio's 3-Wheeled Scooter

Two wheels in the front, one in the back -- that's crazy talk! But not for this Piaggio scooter, which looks eerily like the lovechild of my moped and Darth Vader's Segway.

The Piaggio MP3 500 Scooter ($9,000) features a unique three-wheel design, providing a more stable, secure, and easier ride. Features include a 493cc engine, a maximum speed of 89mph, 55-57 mpg gas mileage, a lean angle of 40 degrees, 20% less braking distance than traditional two-wheeled scooters, and aggressive looks that will help you stand out from the Vespa crowd.

I really want one, but I know that it would kill me. Well technically IT wouldn't kill me, it would be hitting the bottom of the canyon.

Piaggio MP3 500 Scooter [uncrate]

Thanks to naas, who once popped a wheelie and crashed into a telephone pole. He limped from the scene.

Jun 26 2009 R.I.P.: Michael Jackson Has Left The Building

Michael Jackson died of cardiac arrest yesterday. He was 50. *performs crotch grab in remembrance* Rest in peace, Michael.

Hit the jump for some video tributes.

Continue Reading " R.I.P.: Michael Jackson Has Left The Building "

Jun 26 2009 It Buuuuuurns!: India To Make Chili Grenades

India's Defense Research and Development Organization has plans to start manufacturing hot chili grenades. Hot chili grenades are exactly what they sound like: hot. chili. grenades.

Indian defence scientists are planning to put one of the world's hottest chilli powders into hand grenades.

They say the devices will be used to control rioters and in counter-insurgency operations.

The chilli, known as Bhut Jolokia, is said to be 1,000 times hotter than commonly used kitchen chilli.

Wow, this might very well be the second most delicious grenade I've ever heard of. But NOTHING tops a good tear-gas grenade. I eat sadness!

India plans hot chilli grenades [bbcnews]

Thanks to i like it spicy, whose urine can melt concrete.

Jun 26 2009 Surprisingly Not Bad: Harry Potter The Musical

Are you a Harry Potter fan? Looking to blow your whole day at work watching videos on Youtube? I know what you do on Fridays!

Get ready for a musical adventure as Harry Potter and his pals go back to Hogwarts for another year of learning shenanigans! Only this year their wizarding world gets turned on its head when the Dark Lord, Voldemort, comes back from the dead to take his revenge on The Boy Who Lived. Filled with magical fun and original songs by Darren Criss and AJ Holmes, this is a Potter-spectacular that no fan should miss. So take a ride on Voldemort's flying machine and get ready to back to Hogwarts!

It's amazingly not bad, and I just spent the last two hours watching it all. And by watching it I mean sleeping. I was there in spirit though. No, no I wasn't.

Youtube (with all the other parts)

Thanks to trishna87, who once sawed a man in half. Not magically either. She's serving life.

Jun 25 2009 That's Depressing: Dead People Jewelry

Want some jewelry that will remind you of your deceased loved ones because it's made with parts of them? Then you're in luck, thanks to necromancer and design student Anna Schwamborn (not to be confused with Anna Schwamdied).

Besides pure hair being used, cremated human ashes are mixed with black bone china, the world´s highest class porcelain.

The objects are supposed to be worn close to the body of the mourner symbolizing a lasting physical connection between two individuals even after death.

Furthermore this collection is supposed to remind the wearer on the fragility and appreciation of life and most importantly, acting as a keepsake.

Wow, that was depressing. Quick, I need something entirely inappropriate. Got it -- ex-girlfriend panty collection for the save! Whew, that was a close one.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the possibilities.

Continue Reading " That's Depressing: Dead People Jewelry "

Jun 25 2009 Invention Of The Century: In-Car Pizza Oven

I think I speak for us all when I say, it's about damn time. This 12-volt pizza oven plugs right into a car's cigarette lighter or power point so you can cook a breakfast pizza on your commute to work. Or a dinner pizza on your way home! Or burn your car to the ground! The $36 oven is a real product and I just bought two. One for the front seat, and one for the kids in the back. What in the -- damnit kids, I smell burning army men! *sniff* I'm just so proud.

portable pizza oven lets you cook-a nice-a pizz-a pie in a moving car [technabob]

Thanks to FDSY and gnome king, who cook their pizzas on the radiator like normal people.

Jun 25 2009 No Thanks: World's Largest Alarm Clock

The world's largest alarm clock is actually the sun, but I'll look past that for the sake of this scary bitch, who's convinced he's made the largest. Now I don't want to ruin the video for you, but there is absolutely no way he originally designed that as an alarm.

The World's Biggest Alarm Clock [geekygadgets]

Thanks to MaverickPS, who wakes up the way God intended: with a dog licking his face.

Jun 25 2009 35,000-Year Old Flute Doesn't Summon Bird

That was a Zelda reference. No need to thank me folks, just doing my job. So scientists have unearthed a 35,000-year old flute in Germany, making it the earliest instrument ever found (not including rocks).

It was made from the bone of a giant vulture during the Upper Paleolithic. Found in Ach Valley, in the south of Germany, the 8.7-inch long, one-inch diameter instrument has five holes, with two V-shaped notches carved on one side of it. This was the part in which the musician put the lips to blow, according to University of Tubingen's professor Nicholas Conard, the lead author of the discovery. The other end is broken just on the fifth hole.

Wait -- but I thought the oldest flute was the one Eve used to play. You know, Adam's. Zing? ZING!

35,000-year-old Flute Is First Instrument Ever [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who is more of a clarinet kind of guy.

Jun 25 2009 BK Ad: The King Used To Be Respectable

In what might be the smartest piece of advertising in recent history (whee, I just posted your whole freaking ad for free!), Burger King has released a print ad for their new Super Sloppy Seven Incher chock full of sexual innuendo. I don't see it, but allegedly it's there.

BK Goes Crude With 7-Inch Burger Ad [newser]

Thanks to solid and Pat, whose minds can't be blown away because they're in a lockbox.

Jun 25 2009 So Handsome: Master Chief's Senior Portraits

This is a little gallery of Master Chief's high school senior portraits. As you will see, he was one dapper young lad. And probably the star of the football team. Which means, more than likely, he dated all the cheerleaders and made fun of people like me. Yeah, Master Chief is a jerk.

Hit the jump to see a few of my favorites, then the link to see them all.

Continue Reading " So Handsome: Master Chief's Senior Portraits "

Jun 25 2009 Now That's Good Eats: 2-Inch Thick Pizza

This is a picture of a slice of pizza with 2-inches of delicious deliciousness piled on. I don't understand the logistics of even cooking a pizza with 2-inches of topping, but I do understand the logistics of eating one. GET INSIDE ME. It buuuuurns!

What we got here is a fantastic pizza with 2 inches of topping. I used three kinds of cheese (around 400g in total), 400g ham, 200g salami, 700g pineapple, 200g shrimp, spices, tomato paste and 200g of button mushroom.

Mmmm, did anyone else just puke in their mouth? I know I did. It was Lucky Charms-y!

Pizza with 2 inches of topping [metrobloggen]

Thanks to Bernie, who likes his pizza with 4-inches of topping. Jesus, Bernie, that's almost a foot.

Jun 25 2009 Stoned Wallabies To Blame For Crop Circles

The title alone might be the most profound thing I've ever written. I smell Pulitzer! So yeah, apparently wallabies are getting into medical poppy fields in Australia and going nuts. Whee!

"The one interesting bit that I found recently in one of my briefs on the poppy industry was that we have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," Lara Giddings told the hearing.

"Then they crash," she added. "We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high."

Great, next they're gonna start breaking into cars and selling themselves to koalas to pay for a fix. And right when I was about to visit Australia too. Damn you, junkie wallabies!

'Stoned wallabies make crop circles' [bbcnews]

Thanks to Graf Zeppelin, SquidgyB, Marty the farmer, Ross and Jonny, who can only make McDonald's runs when they're high.

Jun 24 2009 Great News, Twihards!: Twlight Makeup Line

So apparently (I can't believe I'm writing this) there's a Twilight makeup line coming out from DuWop, the cosmetic line being used during the filming of the new movie, "Blue Moon" or whatever. Want to look like a vampire and save $16? Don't sleep.

Be transformed. Let the alchemy transcend.

This special limited edition Lip Venom is a sneak preview of our highly anticipated Twilight Venom, debuting this Fall. Lip Venom V is not your typical DuWop venom. Instead of a gloss, Lip Venom V is a shimmering crimson lip stain suspended in a venom-laced liquid lip conditioner with a bite, and contains argan, avocado, olive oils and vitamin E.

This product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of the human and vampire worlds and applied repeatedly until lips are plumped, revitalized and the desired intensity of color has been reached.

WOW. I just bought like 30 billion shares of DuWop stock. Also, I'm not afraid to admit that I love the Twilight series, and I'd be happy to stay up all night talking to any of you (legal) Twihards out there about Edward Cullen and just how sexy he is. Provided we do it topless. Oh, and call him by his codename: The Geekologie Writer.

Hit the jump to see the Edward and Bella Barbie dolls coming out this fall. And tell me: is it just coincidence Edward's head is shaped like a dildo? I THINK NOT.

Continue Reading " Great News, Twihards!: Twlight Makeup Line "

Jun 24 2009 Robopocalyptic Proof: News From The Future

This is a new report from the future. For you doubters of our potential robotic overlords, I'll accept your apologies now. Also, your wallet. I mean it -- this isn't a damn Slim Jim in my pocket. *snap* Mmmm, so it is.

Youtube

Thanks to samuel and Viktor T, who traveled to the future in a sled. There is no snow in the future.

Jun 24 2009 Interesting: Ray Bradbury Hates The Internets

Ray Bradbury, seen here showing you how to properly do an alien, hates the internet. The author, despite his often futuristic, sci-fi themes, may secretly be a unabomber.

"The Internet is a big distraction," said Ray Bradbury, author of Fahrenheit 451 and The Martian Chronicles, while speaking out in defense of libraries in The New York Times.

"Yahoo called me eight weeks ago," he said. "They wanted to put a book of mine on Yahoo! You know what I told them? 'To hell with you. To hell with you and to hell with the Internet.'

"It's distracting," he continued. "It's meaningless; it's not real. It's in the air somewhere."

It's not "in the air somewhere", Ray, it's a series of tubes. One minute of fact-checking on Wikipedia could have told you that. Just sayin'.

Ray Bradbury to Yahoo: "To hell with the Internet!" [scifiwire]

Thanks to Chase and FDSY, who love the internet for all the joy porn it brings to their lives.

Jun 24 2009 A Match Made In Plastic: A LEGO Proposal

We've all heard about LEGO themed proposals in the past (most of them choking hazards), but Ryan Wood went about it a little differently. Namely, by presenting his bride-to-be with a giant LEGO ring containing an actual engagement ring inside its clear diamond. Wow, how romantic (read: be thankful she said yes). Now, as a guy who has been married in the past -- and isn't in a relationship anymore, I've got to admit: ladies? Tip me. Literally -- I've been working hard for you!

Nothing Says "I'm a Dork, Marry Me" Like a Giant Lego Wedding Ring [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian and m0h, who proposed at the zoo right when a monkey was drinking its own urine. *swoon*

Jun 24 2009 Robot Displays Emotions, Doesn't Have Any

In an ironic twist, an emotionless robot has been programmed to physically display emotions using it's face and body. It is one of the scariest looking robobastards I've seen and IT DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT ITS ACTIONS MEAN. It's like asking a robot if it knows what love is. You know what they say? Human blood.

Youtube

Thanks to Taylor, Julian, Vicki, FDSY, andrewk, Dr. Thrasher, Romeo and Matthew, who know it's okay to eat robots 'cause they don't have any feelings.

Jun 24 2009 I Invented That!: Fan Powered Rocket Board

I'm pretty sure this is every five-year old boy's first invention. Of course, few have the technical know-how to make it happen. And even fewer are allowed to play with power tools. But grownup Ray Bavetta kept the dream alive and slapped a 3.7HP model airplane engine on a skateboard and misnamed it Rocket Board. Do you know what a rocket is, Ray? There's usually fire coming out of the back. Not streamers.

Rocket Board makes skateboarding a bit more interesting [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, who is fairly certain this is how he'll die.

Jun 24 2009 Yikes!: How To Make Gundam Even Scarier

Like this. Just look at those hands *shivers*. That's not Gundam, that's Gunmadam. Happy ending: DO NOT WANT.

Hit the jump for an action pose.

Continue Reading " Yikes!: How To Make Gundam Even Scarier "

Jun 24 2009 Afraid To Sleep: The Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock

The Sonic Bomb alarm clock is powerful enough to raise the dead. Why? For one, it comes with a 113dB alarm (louder than a jackhammer). But if that's not enough to wake you from your beauty fugly rest, it also flashes a bedside lamp on and off and has a 12-volt bed vibrator. Awake yet? The bomb sells for $43 and is guaranteed to make you frightened to fall asleep. Not unlike my creepy roommate, who, damnit, I CAN SEE YOU THERE BY THE DRESSER.

Product Site

Thanks to Cameron, who BOOM SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM.

Jun 23 2009 The Kush: $55 Nighttime Breast Support

The Kush is a $55 (PLUS S&H!) piece of molded plastic women put between their breasts before bed to "gently support and cushion the weight of a woman's breasts". $55, really? For $10 I'll come over and slip my own, much more natural breast supporter between those puppies. Obviously, I'm talking about a rolling pin. Ladies? Come on -- I'll let you make cookies in the morning!

Kush infomercial makes everyone feel good [adfreak]

Thanks to Todd and Jcon, who are selling empty soda cans for $5. But if you're worried your breasts might crush a can, call me.

Jun 23 2009 Wine Balls: Not Just For Sommelier Orgies

Tired of drinking wine straight from the bottle? That was rhetorical -- it never gets old. But N2Wine decided to make these Wine Globe systems anyways. Cheers, Jesus. Want to teach me how to fish?

Wine globes are glass containers capable of holding 33 or 70 bottles of wine (depending on the size) that are specifically designed to thwart oxidization, the chemical reaction that ages wine, by preventing any air from entering the system. Instead, the globes vino-filled spheres constantly topped off by "food-grade" nitrogen when liquid levels deplete, essentially freezing wine's flavor in time.

The wine is also under constant water-cooled temperature regulation so that it's served perfectly every time and, obviously, the system can offer more wines by the glass than most restaurants currently offer.

Each globe costs about $1,000 but can be run in line off the same nitrogen tank, making them still not worth it. No, I'll be sticking to my boxed wine, thank you very much. Literally, I glued it myself. Ever played Edward Fortyhands? You should try Bernard Boxarm.

Wine Globes Swap Tastings for Keggers [gizmodo]

Jun 23 2009 Stay Away!: The Robotic Needle Of Death

We've already seen one robotic death needle, so what's another? EVERYTHING, THAT'S WHAT. I am honestly *this close* to drinking the Kool-Aid. But allegedly, this robot was designed to do good. Pfft, I've heard one that before. I'm looking at you, Elmo. You tried to touch me while I was sleeping.

Bioengineers at Duke University have developed a laboratory robot that can successfully locate tiny pieces of metal within flesh and guide a needle to its exact location -- all without the need for human assistance.

I stopped reading there because my pants were getting full, but just look at that needle. You really want a robot operating on you with that thing without human intervention? Fine, but it's gonna be your second butthole, not mine.

Robot surgeon uses frighteningly large needle to remove shrapnel, your resistance [engadget]

Thanks to STOMPY, who already has three.

Jun 23 2009 Vacuum: Oh Yeah, You Clean Those Drapes

This is basically an updated version of the Proton Packs used by the Ghostbusters. Allegedly, it can suck a ghost through a garden hose. And speaking of which, hey lady -- I've got a little something that could use some...no? We're not going there? Okay.

Capable of cleaning virtually any surface from carpet to tile to stone or hardwood floors., the Ergonomic Backpack Vacuum comes with a powerful suction that is even able to tackle items like broken glass, confetti, nuts and bolts and pet hair among others. Each $170 purchase will come with padded backpack straps, a HEPA filter to remove 99.9% of all dust, telescoping wand, easy reach attachments, a 26 ft. power cord, reusable collection bag and six disposable bags.

Hell yeah broken glass, confetti, nuts and bolts and pet hair -- that sounds like a party! So why wasn't I invited. Is it because of last time? I already told you -- I THOUGHT I WAS IN THE BATHROOM!

Ergonomic Backpack Vacuum [ubergizmo]

Thanks to sarah, FDSY and Chris, who must really love vacuums. Or sucking. SWISH.

Jun 23 2009 Don't Squash Me, Bro!: Cockroach Heart May Hold Key To Better Artificial Human Hearts

Sure it may look like an electric motor inside a bocce ball inside a bomb with nipple shields glued on, but it's actually a pump inside a bocce ball inside a bomb with nipple shields glued on. And apparently it's the key to building a better heart.

...while human hearts have four chambers, a cockroach heart uses 13 leaving plenty of redundancy. When a chamber fails in a human heart, you basically have a heart attack and most likely die, while a cockroach can have a chamber fail and barely notice it.

This new Biventricular Pump artificial heart developed at the Indian Institute of Technology in Kharagpur, uses a multi-chamber design just like those pesky roaches, and designer Sujoy K. Guha says that this vastly improves its long term reliability when compared with more traditional pneumatic designs.

Well alright, I'm all for a better built heart. Especially considering how women are so prone to RIPPING THEM OUT AND TEARING THEM APART. No, really, I'm not bitter.

Indian artificial heart design uses cockroach heart technology [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, who is helping me build an iron heart.

Jun 23 2009 UPDATE: 56 Star Faced Girl A Dirty Liar

In an unshocking turn of events that surprised no one, it turns out the tattooed star face girl is a dirty liar and a slag. Okay, I dunno about the slag part, but I've always wanted to say it and figured now's my chance.

Kimberley Vlaeminck, 18, claimed that she'd asked for three small stars but fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with a whole galaxy on her face.

But she has now confessed she knew exactly what tattoo parlour owner Rouslan Toumaniantz was doing but changed her mind later.

She said she lied because her father was "furious".

Pathetic. Of course your father got furious, Kimberley, THAT'S WHAT FATHERS DO. Also, drink and forget your birthday. :(

Tattoo girl: 'I lied about my stars' [metro]

Thanks to Thumperchica, who called this from the beginning because she has common sense can see the future.

Jun 23 2009 Halo On The Dallas Cowboys Video Wall

This is someone playing Halo for the XBox 360 on the Dallas Cowboys stadium video wall. It is fairly large. Not as big as my TV, but close. Per tipster Mike the Robot Destroyer:

Long time follower of your site. I check it about 400 times a day to keep apprised of all activity pertaining to robots and their very disturbing evolutionary path towards the ability to kill all humanity. We both know they are already self aware and feel the urge to kill us, they are just waiting for us to give them the tools. I'm convinced robot scientists have been hypnotized by mind robots - either that, or robot scientists are really just future robots sent back in time to invent future robots..... hmmmmmm

No idea what that has to do with playing giant Halo, but at least he's got his head in the right place.

Youtube

Thanks Mike the Robot Destroyer, now get out there and make your Geekologie Writer proud!

Jun 23 2009 Only In Latvia: Secure A Loan With You Soul

Actually, I heard it works in hell too. But for those of you that like it a little cooler, a Latvian firm is offering loans of 50 to 500 Latvian lats ($100 to $1,000) secured only by your immortal soul.

Riga-based firm, named Kontora, does not require credit history record or proof of employment.

According to the agreement, the only security required of the borrower is their immortal soul, which they are asked to confirm as their previously unmortgaged property.

Damn you, previously unmortgaged property clause! You see, I was in Georgia sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot. I won a bike. With a red-hot poker for a seat. Damn you, devil!

Latvian firm accepts souls as guarantee for credits [mosnews]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who lost his soul in a game of beer pong. Jesus, Spikey -- I like your style.

Jun 22 2009 I Do BLAAAHHH!: First Weightless Wedding

Erin Finnegan and Noah Fulmor got married over the weekend while hovering weightlessly in the back of an airplane. Allegedly it's the first weightless wedding, provided if you don't count the time I married alien in outerspace (read: I was probed, hard).

To recreate the weightless experience without going into space, the plane executed parabolic flight maneuvers, climbing sharply and descending several times during the one-hour flight.

Inside the 90-foot-long padded "floating zone," the ceremony was accomplished with a lot of bumping and fumbling, as bride and groom, guests and witnesses alike tried to coordinate their movements in a microgravity environment.

Nice. And in the famous words of Billy Idol, "It's a nice day for a weightless wedding, it's a nice day to...horf again, BLAAAH!"

Couple Float Into Zero Gravity Nuptials [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat, who once made out with a stewardess to score free peanuts.

Jun 22 2009 Yikes: Sharks Hunt Like Human Serial Killers

A recent study conducted by a group that I can't believe received funding for the project has determined that great white sharks hunt like human serial killers. Get a load of this freakishness:

The sharks feeding at Seal Island could have just hovered right where the seals congregated if they were random killers-of-opportunity, Hammerschlag said. But they weren't.

The sharks had a distinct M.O.

They were focused. They stalked from a usual base of operations, 100 yards from their victims. It was close enough to see their prey, but not close enough to be seen and scare off their victims. They attacked when the lights were low. They liked their victims young and alone. They tried to attack when no other sharks were around to compete. They learned from previous kills.

And they attacked from below, unseen.

Okay now I'm a little creeped out. And not just because there's a great white peeking through my bedroom wind....ZOMG THERE'S A GREAT WHITE PEEKI *glass shatters* OM NOM NOM NOM HOLY SHIT HE'S EATING MY FOOT! OH GOD HELP -- IT'S UP TO MY KNEE! OH NO, OH NO HE'S GOING FOR MY PENI....oh, choked to death.

Great white sharks hunt just like Hannibal Lecter [yahoonews]

Jun 22 2009 Girl Electrocutes Herself Tweeting In Bathtub

Following in the trend of tweeting from the bathroom, a 17-year old Romanian girl died while apparently trying to Twitter from the tub (this new loofah feels great!).

The Austrian times says that Maria Barbu was, in fact, in the tub while using Twitter when she likely reached to plug in her charger with a wet hand, electrocuting herself in the process.

As much fun as I do want to make of Maria, you really can't blame her. Women understanding electricity? BWHAHAH AHAH HA HA! God, I needed that.

Girl Dies by Electrocution While Twitting in Bathtub, Apocalypse Draws Nearer [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who once showered with a toaster but the bread got all soggy.

Jun 22 2009 Lookin' Sharp: Klingon Inspired Baby Products

Want your child to grow up a powerful warrior with a mountain range for a head? Then you're in luck, thanks to this traditional Klingon blade inspired crib! You just place your little tyke in there, occasionally throw a lion in the room for him/her to battle, and six years later, PRESTO, you're arrested for child neglect. Also, you have a pack of hungry lions living in your nursery.

Hit the jump to see a rocking horse and baby rattle of the same style.

Continue Reading " Lookin' Sharp: Klingon Inspired Baby Products "

Jun 22 2009 Fake?: Boy Freaks Out Over Cancelled WoW

This is a video of a boy losing his shit because his mom canceled his World of Warcraft subscription. I have my doubts about it's genuineness, but he does try to stuff a remote control up his ass at 1:10, so it could be real.

Youtube

Thanks to Amanda, Ed, Miriam, Chase, Jon and MoD, who are cool as cucumbers in a bowl of hot sauce.

Jun 22 2009 Robot Train Goes Rogue, Kills Track Inspector

An unmanned computerized train car in Miami allegedly ran over an employee while he was inspecting the tracks of the Metromover rail system. Uh-oh.

The accident happened Saturday. The computerized vehicle, which is not driven by a conductor, was stopped, but moved forward for an unknown reason.

Unknown reason, huh? How about THAT ROBOT TRAIN IS A BLOODTHIRSTY KILLER?! *ringing bell* The apocalypse, it's here! Quick -- to the bunker! Bring snakes! SNACKS, I MEANT SNACKS GO GO GO GO

Florida Man Killed By Computerized Vehicle While Inspecting Tracks [foxnews]

Thanks to Matt, holliebean, D.M., Jeff, Nathaniel, renegade and Joel, who I WASN'T KIDDING RUN RUN RUN!

Jun 22 2009 Go Plates: Stacking Food On Your Beer

Go Plates are reusable party plates (not to be confused with party hats) that sit on top of your beer can, bottle or plastic cup, allowing you a free hand for playing grab-ass with all your friends or whatever it is people do at parties (I've never been to one). A pack of 42 will set you back $48.50, which isn't too bad considering their reusable (read: I'll lay them all out on the floor and let the dog lick them before putting them back in the cabinet). Party at my house!

Product Site

Thanks to Gino, who once choked on a hors d'œuvre and had to be given mouth to mouth by a very sexy lady.

Jun 22 2009 Today's Woot Shirt: How Bacon Bits Are Made

This Bacon Bits t-shirt combines aspects of both Space Invaders and delicious pig particulate. I want to eat it.

Once in a while, in a great while, a shirt comes along that is so good, it leaves us totally speechless. There's no reason for us to even pretend otherwise today. And we won't.

They're $10 shipped over at shirt.woot.com (today only). So go get one now and show your appreciation for everyone's favorite sundae topping.

Shirt Woot (if you click this after today, 6.22.09, it will be a different shirt)

Thanks to Matty, Julian, Etienne, Jenny and Melissa, who once spilled a jar bacon bits and ate the floor.

Jun 21 2009 WoW Mountain Dew Game Fuel Commercial

This is a television advertisement for Mountain Dew Game Fuel: World Of Warcraft. I don't want to spoil it for you, but I'm going to: two chicks turn into World of Warcraft characters and start battling right there at the grocery store checkout. Obviously, I would do them both. AFTER transformation ;)

Youtube

Thanks to naas, who once Chaos Bolted an old lady in the face for cutting in line at the checkout.

Jun 21 2009 NYC Billboard Tracks Greenhouse Gases

Deutsche Bank put up a billboard in Madison Square Garden that allegedly displays almost real-time data on the amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. And I, for one, can't read that number.

Kevin Parker, global head of Deutsche Bank's Asset Management division, said of the counter at its unveiling: "It will be a huge task to bring global emissions under control and my hope is that putting this data in public view will spur both governments and markets to move us more quickly to a low-carbon economy."

The counter increases at around 800 tons a second, which, if you are good at the maths, you know translates into, um, a lot per day. At least half of which is my roommate. Seriously, dude's so gassy the walls in his bedroom are turning brown.

World's first real-time carbon emissions counter adds a chilling 800 tons a second [dvice]

Jun 21 2009 Babyglow 'Sleep Suits' Indicate Temperature

Babyglow Sleep Suits are basically Hypercolor onesies for babies. If the baby's temperature passes 98.6°F (37°C), it turns white, indicating possible sickness. Also, if it's vomit covered, that could be a sign. Available this fall, a 3-pack will set you back $35. Alternatively, a 36-pack of Trojans for $17.94....
....
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Babyglow Garment Changes Color When Your Baby Is Running A Fever [ohgizmo]

Jun 20 2009 ALMOST Cute: LIttle Robot Making Coffee

This is a video of some guy's robot girlfriend that's been programmed to make him coffee. You know, JUST LIKE A GOOD GIRLFRIEND SHOULD. Am I right, honey? Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be sleeping in the car. BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT HAS AM/FM RADIO.

Youtube

Thanks to shogunu, who programmed his girlfriend to make toast too. Nice, shogunu -- with jam?

Jun 20 2009 Classiest Nintendo Mod Yet: The PIMPendo

The PIMPendo is a Nintendo on pimp juice. I suspect it guzzled an entire goblet full. Then puked. Then drank more. Out of a hooker's mouth. That's nasty.

This completely refurbished NES system has been pimpified, including added LEDs which make the innards of the system glow red when it's powered on, a new zebra skin finish, gems galore, Plexiglas, a peacock feather and the most important addition, purple frill.

Listen trick, you better have my cartridges! What the -- DON'T MAKE ME GET THE POWER GLOVE.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Classiest Nintendo Mod Yet: The PIMPendo "

Jun 20 2009 Pew Pew!: Guy Builds Bumblebee In Yard

As most of you probably know, the original Bumblebee was a Volkswagen Beetle. And as very few of you probably know, I still have the original toy around here somewhere because I'm gangster.

Tom Rhodes likes Transformers. So, naturally, he built an 18-foot-tall, 1,200-pound Bumblebee robot out of an old Volkswagen Beetle.

As you can see, Bumblebee protects Tom's windmill from the Decepticons. Because, fun fact: Decepticons HATE clean energy. Transform and recycle!

Man builds gigantic Bumblebee Transformer in his front yard [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, who once tried switching the bodies on two of his old Transformer toys but it didn't work BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT G.I. JOE'S.

Jun 19 2009 Perfect Bookends For Your Star Wars DVDs

These 6" x 12" x 7.5" hand painted Trash Compactor Bookends are available for pre-order (shipping April 2010) from the Star Wars Store for $190. And for those of you that don't do math good, that's almost $100 per side. And speaking of sides, seriously, you have to choose one. It's either me or him. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'HIM'?! You're dead to me.

Trash Compactor Bookends Will Hopefully Crush Your Prequel DVDs [gizmodo]

Thanks to 42 y/o undead warlock, who doesn't bring people back from the dead anymore because of insurance issues.

Continue Reading " Perfect Bookends For Your Star Wars DVDs "

Jun 19 2009 Augmented Reality Zombie Hunting Game

This is a video of an augmented reality game designed by the Georgia Tech Augmented Environments Lab and the Savannah College of Art and Design - Atlanta. It's called 'ARhrrrr', which, despite sounding piratey, is actually a zombie game. It's pretty cool too. You play the game with a video phone and a pack of Skittles. I shit you not, Skittles. Taste THIS rainbow, undead whores! BOOSH BOOSH!

Youtube

Thanks to Ryan, Yopoleo and Anna, who will definitely be on my zombie hunting squad should the need arise....from the dead. ZING!

Jun 19 2009 Music Downloader Fined $80,000 Per Song

Jammie Thomas-Rasset, the lady in the high profile illegal music downloading story that was in the news a while back, just had her second federal trial and has been charged with infringing 24 copyrights (for the 24 songs she downloaded). She's to pay $80,000 per song, a total of $1.92 million. Shiiiiiiiiiit.

As for Thomas-Rasset, she appeared shaken by the verdict but didn't blame the jury. "They did their job," she said, "I'm not going to hold it against them." She added, though, that the recording industry would never collect the money. "Good luck trying to get it from me... it's like squeezing blood from a turnip."

The recording industry lawyers, though clearly pleased, had no desire to showboat this one. The massive damage award, which increased from $9,250 per song in the first trial to $80,000, might sounds like a "win," but will probably stoke grassroots anger against the industry's campaign... if the music business tries to collect. There are hints that it might not.

Hey, I want to download stuff and not have to pay for it. Now, let's see what she got:

1. Vanessa Williams - Save the best for last
2. Sheryl Crow - Run baby run
3. Reba McEntire - One honest heart
4. Janet Jackson - let's wait awhile
5. Guns n Roses - Welcome to the jungle
6. Guns n Roses - November rain
7. Def Leppard - Pour some sugar on me
8. Bryan Adams - Somebody
9. Aerosmnith - Cryin
10. Linkin Park - One step closer
11. Green Day - Basket case
12. Goo Goo Dolls - iris
13. No Doubt - Hella Good
14. No Doubt - Different people
15. No Doubt - Bathwater
16. Sarah McLaughlan - Building a mystery
17. Sarah McLaughlan - Possession
18. Gloria Estefan - Rhythm is gonna get you
19. Gloria Estefan - Here and we are
20. Gloria Estefan - Coming out of the dark
21. Journey - Faithfully
22. Journey - Don't stop believin
23. Destiny's Child - Bills, bills, bills
24. Richard Marx - Now and for ever

Wow, worst $2 million playlist EVER.

Thomas verdict: willful infringement, $1.92 million penalty [arstechnica]

Thanks to Dave and Pete, who have never copied floppies.

Jun 19 2009 Over The Line!: Road Sign Hacked In DC

Apparently somebody hacked a couple DC traffic signs to say dirty words. In case you were wondering, there's a UC missing in the first line and an ALL in the third. Some people, no class.

If you think your commute can be offensive, you should have been driving northbound on the Virginia side of the Key Bridge Thursday morning.

It appeared that someone hacked into an electronic sign near the Rosslyn exit for the Key Bridge and posted an inappropriate message.

Another sign at Chain Bridge Road and the GW Parkway had a similar message but was turned off earlier.

Oh hell yeah GW Parkway. I OWN YOUR ROADZ! You hear that, George Washington -- it's mine now. Put that in your cherry pipe and smoke it!

Hackers steer commuters toward offensive sign [wtop]

Thanks to Zekcus, who hacked a Circus of Values vending machine in Bioshock to stop making that scary laugh.

Jun 19 2009 It Was Only A Matter Of Time: 128GB Flashes

That's right, the folks over at Kingston are about to drop a 128GB flashbomb on the world. Available next month, the 128GB DataTraveler 200 will cost a staggering $547. SO DON'T WASH IN IN YOUR JEANS. Still, 128GB -- do you realize how much porn that is? *ahem* Me neither.

Kingston's Flash Drives Hit 128GB [uberreview]

Jun 19 2009 Wow, Just Wow: NES Controller Scarification

Link is possibly NSFW depending on how your boss feels about vomit on your keyboard. GRAPHIC: LOOK AT YOUR OWN RISK.

After the jump you will find a picture of BME member Metal_Games, who had the likeness of a NES controller cut into the back of his leg AND THEN THE SKIN REMOVED. Hey, different strokes for different folks. I like freestyle.

The stencil went on, and we were ready to go. Starting with the lines, the pain wasn't half as bad as I'd expected. In fact, it was a breeze for the most part. It took Jeffrey, the artist, about 20 minutes to cut all the lines. A couple of deep breaths, and we went straight on to removing the skin...

Fun fact: it took me five smelling salts to write this post.

Hit it if you dare.

Continue Reading " Wow, Just Wow: NES Controller Scarification "

Jun 19 2009 Great: Another Rat-Brain Controlled Robot

Well, we've already featured one rat-brain controlled robot, so why not another? This particular model is controlled via Bluetooth by the neurons from a rat's brain THAT'S KEPT IN A JAR. The video goes on to explain that different rat brains have unique personalities and all control the robot differently. That's right -- CYBORG RODENTS WITH PERSONALITIES! Welcome to hell, world. Oooh, nice basket -- is it Longaberger?

First Real Cyborg: A Robot Controlled By A Living Brain [videosift]

Thanks to Jen, Matthew, Anton and Ace the Inhaler, who can control rat brains with their brains. Guys -- let's rob a bank!

Jun 19 2009 Dress Lights Up To Incoming Cell Phone Calls

This is tennis star Mario Maria Sharpova showing off a new dress that lights up whenever you receive a cell phone call. Pfft, the deaf have had this technology for years.

It's the work of British fashion student Georgie Davies, who worked with Sony Ericsson on ways to merge technology and chic threads. "When you're in a pub or a bar, you can never, ever hear your phone," Davies to Reuters. The solution? A short-sleeved, knee-length white dress that's covered shoulder-to-hip with translucent scales that move and blink. Davies plans for the dress to incorporate Bluetooth technology so that it can wirelessly interact with phones.

Yes, light up cell phone clothes, that's just what we need. Because your novelty ringtone isn't bad enough. Mine's straight though. Zelda theme, baby.

Tennis star Maria Sharpova dons geeky light-up phone dress [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, who once played in Wimbledon and hit a home run.

Jun 18 2009 It's A Boy!: Periodic Table Gets New Element

That's right young'n, the periodic table finally gave birth to element 112, temporarily named 'Ununbium', until it's official name 'Geekologium' can be verified by the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry (IUPAC), who I may or may not be holding at gunpoint. I SAID SIGN THE PAPERS!

More than a decade after experiments first produced a single atom of the element, a team of German scientists has been credited with its discovery.

The team, led by Sigurd Hofmann at the Centre for Heavy Ion Research, must propose a name for their find, before it can be formally added to the table.

To create element 112, Professor Hofmann's team used a 120m-long particle accelerator to fire a beam of charged zinc atoms (or zinc ions) at lead atoms. Nuclei of the two elements merged, or fused, to form the nucleus of the new element.

Oh yeah? Well I was born when a beam of charged awesome atoms were fired at badass ones. Nuclei of the two elements merged, or fused, to form my nuts. Then, a stork wrapped me in a blanket and flew off. But mid-flight I cut myself out of the sack and parachuted behind enemy lines, where I shot the everliving shit out of them. And that, my friends, is how I became the youngest recipient of the Congressional Medal of Awesome.

Periodic table gets a new element [bbcnews]

Thanks to Ari and Julian, who were born after a sperm fused with an egg.

Jun 18 2009 Hoverboards Coming Soon: Timeline Shows Current Time Relation To Futuristic Movies

Well, we've got a scant six years until robot police officers and hoverboards. And only 13 before we find out we've been eating our dead. Not that you haven't been already, you sick little necromancer, you!

Worry About The Replicants, Not The Apes [poppedculture]

Thanks to SuperDeanio, smurfette and Chris, who live in the moment because, you know, carpe diem or whatever.

Jun 18 2009 Gorilla Gets All Stabby At Calgary Zoo

A gorilla at the Calgary Zoo picked up a knife left by one of its keepers and threatened to stab another primate if it didn't reveal the whereabouts of its banana horde. Okay, not really. But it did swing the knife around menacingly. I lie. BITCH I'LL CUT YOU!

"He grabbed the knife exactly in the correct position and he smelled it and looked at it," said Calgarian Joe Scheffler, who was at the zoo with his wife, Heike. "A few seconds later, another gorilla came and he was very interested.

"He tried to get the knife, but the gorilla with the knife lifted the knife for his buddy . . . it seems to me that the gorilla with the knife was a little bit angry and he lifted his hand with the knife.

"It was just (like) a scene from a crime," added Scheffler, whose wife snapped photos of the incident.

Suddenly, as though it sensed danger, Scheffler said the second gorilla stepped away and the knife-wielding gorilla walked a short distance and placed it on an old chair in the exhibit.

Oh man, animals with weapons. This reminds me of the future!

Gorilla caught holding knife at Calgary Zoo [calgaryherald]

Thanks to Jeremy, who once brought a lightsaber to a knife fight but was disqualified for cheating.

Jun 18 2009 Aperture Laboratories Van Spotted In The Wild

"Hey kids, who wants free cake?!"

aperture science van tooling around, scaring the hell out of people [technabob]

Jun 18 2009 Dinosaur Video Reminds Me Of Budweiser Ad

I'm not going to go into the details about what this video did to me (I don't kiss and tell), but suffice it to say it was magical. Like a wand. In my pants.

Youtube

Thanks to Robbie, Sterling, cbobgo and Kerri, who know what I like.

Jun 18 2009 Eye Of The Tiger, Baby: Rocky III USB Drives

Looking to add a little homoerotic flair to your computer? How about the characters from Rocky III performing sit ups in a USB port? Available in Apollo Creed, Rocky and Clubber Lang (who's making the best face) varieties, the $30 port-humpin' fools are sure to get a rise out of coworkers. Or should I say, a sit up. Rise? Okey-dokey.

Rocky III USB drives sadly missing Burgess Meredith version [engadget]

Thanks to STOMPY, Julian, MoD and thedevine1, who all received the Presidential Fitness Award in middle school.

Jun 18 2009 Chart: Why Star Trek Is So Cool Right Now

This is a cake chart explaining why the Star Trek franchise is so fashionably hip right now. Although I guess it's more specifically referring to the new movie, which, SPOILER ALERT: I got kicked out of. Twice.

Top 10 reasons why Star Trek is suddenly cool--plus the chart that proves it! [scifiwire] (click this for longer explanations of each reason)

Jun 18 2009 Boom Boom Candles Sadly Not Explosive

These candles were designed by Mystake to look dynamite and bombs. They're called notmy candles, as in "those are notmy penis tracks in the peanut butter". The bomb costs $5 and the dynamite $7, but you can get them both for $11 and save a Lincoln. I mean Washington. Or do I? I don't know anymore.

bomb and dynamite candles are a real blast [technabob]

Jun 17 2009 Gallery: Out Of This World Star Trek Cakes

We've already seen a little Star Trek cake action here on Geekologie, but, quite frankly Captain, that wasn't enough. So I'm beaming some more of those delicious bastards right up. Hit the jump to see them all, then the warp drive button. I SAID WARP DRIVE, DUMMY, THAT WAS SELF DESTRUCT! Quickly, to an escape pod! Haha, finally -- I didn't think we were ever get rid of that guy. Not you though, you're awesome.

Hit the jump for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " Gallery: Out Of This World Star Trek Cakes "

Jun 17 2009 Zappity Zap!: Police Will Tase Your Grandma

Just in case you were wondering, the police will tase your 72-year old grandma. You hear that, members of the geriatric species? YOU ARE NOT EXEMPT FROM THE ZAPPERY! Also, does the officer really yell "TASERED!" as he's doing it? Because that's awesome. I'm gonna start doing that.

POSTED! LEAVE A COMMENT -- LEAVE A COMMENT!!

Youtube

Thanks to Watch-303, alex, double dragon, The Naked Wizard and Beth, who would have torn the electrodes out and flown off on their jetpacks like superheroes.

Jun 17 2009 Oh Great: NASA Plans To Blow Up The Moon

That's right folks, NASA plans to shoot a giant missile at the moon and make it go boom. BOOM SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE MOON!

In an unprecedented scientific endeavor -- and what may be one of the coolest space missions ever -- NASA is preparing to fly a rocket booster into the moon, triggering a six-mile-high explosion that scientists hope will confirm the presence of water.

The four-month mission of the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS), which will be directed from NASA's Ames Research Center at Moffett Field, is to discover whether water is frozen in the perpetual darkness of craters near the moon's south pole. As a potential source of oxygen for life support and hydrogen for rocket fuel, that water would be a tremendous boost to NASA's plans to restart human exploration of the moon.

Come on NASA -- as pro blowing stuff up as I am, there has got to be an easier way to find out if there's water on the moon. Like, oh I dunno, ASKING THE MOON PEOPLE. Hey, moon-chick, is there water in the moon? "ZIP ZAP ZIP YES WE DRINK IT". Ta-da, mystery solved. But while you're here, how about flashing those blue cheese boobs in my direction one more time?

NASA/Ames ready to explode one of the coolest space missions ever [siliconvalley]

Thanks to meeotch, who wants to ride the rocket when it goes. Me too, meeotch, me too.

Jun 17 2009 Looking For Trouble: Underwear Purses

These Underwear Purses from Parcel are purses that look like kid's underwear. They're not made from real underwear though because then they'd be all pee-stained and skidmark-y. They cost about $11. But I've got to warn you: the last time I was caught out in public toting around a bunch of kid's underwear, I have never touched children's underwear.

Garish Underpants Purses for the Kinky [walyou]

Jun 17 2009 For The Ladies: Guys Dancing To Zelda Song

This is a video of three guys dryhumping the air out of a basement to the Song of Storms from the Zelda series. I wasn't going to post it, but then I realized that I hadn't done anything for you ladies out there in awhile. Well, besides call late at night and then hang up when you answer. Kidding, that wasn't me (yes it was).

Youtube

Thanks to Martyn and Adam, who only break it down to the Bolero of Fire.

Jun 17 2009 It's Been Fun: Teaching AI How To Kill Us All

In one of the sickest and twistedest announcements I've read in recent history, programmers attending the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers symposium will attempt to program AI to destroy us all in a game of DEFCON.

Part of the symposium is a sort of "Turing Test" challenge, in which contestants program an AI to play a videogame. The objective is to try to trick a panel of human judges into thinking the AI is a human player.

This year's videogame is DEFCON, the brilliant nuclear war strategy game from indie developer Introversion.

A group of talented programmers will pitch their DEFCON bot against enemy bots in a series of one-on-one thermonuclear chess games. The winner is the programmer whose bot successfully annihilates its opponents and racks up the highest death count. IEEE is offering a $500 prize to the deadliest DEFCON AI bot competition winner.

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Like I don't have enough to worry about without people programming artificial intelligence to kill us all. You KNOW the robots are behind this. And also, BEHIND YOU -- DUCK! *pew pew* I just saved your life. No need to thank -- actually, yes, sing my praises. *cocking laser blaster* DO IT!

Symposium will teach AIs how to wage nuclear war [fidgit]

Thanks Kenny, shall we play a game?

Jun 17 2009 Star Face: Girl Asks For 3 Stars, Gets 56

Allegedly Kimberley Vlaminck, 18, went into a tattoo parlor and requested three stars on the left side of her face by her eye. However, she claims she fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with 56. I suspect she's lying.

Rouslan, who runs the tattoo parlour called The Tattoo Box in Courtrai, said Kimberley was awake and actually looked in the mirror several times during the procedure to see how it was going.

'He said she knew 'exactly what she wanted. The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit. They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotised her. What rubbish!'

'She asked for 56 stars and that's what she got.'

Well, I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson from this story. One about how sweet Kimberley would look with a little rocketship added right by her mouth. I WILL SUPERNOVA YOUR FACE!

What did she expect? Incredible face revealed of the man who tattooed girl with 56 stars when she only asked for three [dailymail]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, Rémy, STOMPY, Joemo and Menace, who all went to the same dentist to get their teeth cleaned and walked out swinging 2X manhammers.

Jun 17 2009 A Magical Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder

The Magic Missile Massage Bra from Pangao is supposed to make you breasts larger through the use of a little sorcerer and massaging "forceful vibration balls". Yes, forceful vibration balls. Plus, it comes standard with a pretty sweet spiderweb pattern. But what else can it do?

• Make breast up.
• Dredge breast glands.
• Eliminate blood stasis.
• Effectively prevent women from breasts diseases and flaccid
• Also can move fat and make a well-shaped figure.
• If use it often, you can have a sound sleep, immunity from disease and better internal secretion.

Pretty convincing, huh? I know, I just bought thirty and my breasts were already huge! I plan on wearing them all one on top of the other for exponential tissue growth. ZZ's, here I come! I may need a bigger wheelbarrow.

Magic Massage Bra Enlarges Breasts [gizmodo]

Thanks to ffffffffff, who is offering free massages if you're concerned about the safety of using forceful vibration balls.

Jun 16 2009 When The Fairy Tale Ends, Real Life Begins: A Gallery Of Fallen Princesses

This is a gallery of princesses from fairy tales living in current times. All the pictures were taken by photographer Dina Goldstein, and, as you will see, are none too joyful. Which is exactly why I guarantee all of my lovers a horrible time right from the start. THERE WILL BE NO HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Just like making love with a rocketpack on -- in the end, you will get burned.

Hit the jump to see the rest, then the link to see them in higher res or if you can't figure out which fairy tale they're from.

Continue Reading " When The Fairy Tale Ends, Real Life Begins: A Gallery Of Fallen Princesses "

Jun 16 2009 Cute Stop-Motion Video Made With Post-Its

This is artist Bang-Yao Liu's senior project from SCAD (Savannah College of Art and Design). It's a stop motion video that uses different colored Post-It notes as pixels. I recommend watching the whole thing. Twice. Then telling yourself you could do better, even though we both know you couldn't. And I'm not just saying that because you're lazy, but because you're talentless.

Youtube

Thanks to Joemo and the other person who sent me this whose email I couldn't find again because I'm a no-talent hack failure.

Jun 16 2009 Death Is No Match For Captain America

That's right folks, like a phoenix rising from the ashes of a burnt comic, the original Captain America is coming back for more ass-kicking action.

"REBORN is the next chapter in the larger story that I've been building in [CAPTAIN AMERICA] since issue #1," explains the writer, who launched this current volume in 2004. "This is a chance to really explore how things have changed in the years since Steve's death and really delve deep into who Steve Rogers is and why he became Captain America. It's a really a [story] with two or three different plotlines that all intertwine, which is a lot of fun and allows us to have [both] in-your-face action and quiet character moments."

"We've been planning the story of Cap's return virtually from the moment that he died"

Wow, does nobody stay dead anymore? I mean, Jesus. Seriously, you started this.

Reborn Revealed [marvel] (click for a much more detailed look at the series)

Thanks to FDSY, who plans to zombie it up himself someday.

Jun 16 2009 The Plug Wall: Enough Holes For Anybody

The conceptual Outlet Wall by Ironic Sans is by far the most smartest thing I've seen in awhile. I mean, it's a wallmade of outlets. Plenty of room for everything. Just don't show this little power-hungry bastard or he'll be humping it for days. And you know what? So what if it doesn't meet fire code, those are just rules the man designed TO KEEP US DOWN. This is my apartment, I should be able to barbecue in here if I want, you know? Damn yeah. Now pass the weenies and throw some more books on the fire.

Outlet Wall Doesn't Want to Hear One More Word About Power Strips [gizmodo]

Jun 16 2009 You + Me - Clothes + Mario = Romance

This handmade bed blanket was created by Etsy seller punzie and looks great (punzie also does custom work and has a bunch of other designs if you look in the sold items section). Granted, it would look even better with you underneath it. I'm not talking dead hooker style either, I'm talking real romantical like. What do you say, come over around 8? We'll fire up some oldschool NES, drink some sparkling cider (my parents don't allow alcohol in the house) and then retire to my luxurious twin-size. Oooh, you like a little role playing, do you? Well then, let me just slip into my Raccoon Mario costume. Okay, now pretend you're a garbage can.

Hit the jump for a ton more blankets (including some Zelda, Mega Man and Metroid action) and another link to the Etsy store.

Continue Reading " You + Me - Clothes + Mario = Romance "

Jun 16 2009 This Tastes Like Poison: Japan's Robot-Chefs

Japanese companies unveiled several new models of robotic-chefs at the recent Tokyo International Food Machinery and Tech Expo., and I, for one, am never eating out again. Kidding, ladies. Here's a breakdown of the video:

0:00 - 0:18: Pancake cooking robot sucks at flipping.
0:19 - 0:25: Robot sympathizer sympathizes with robots. You will not be saved.
0:26 - 0:39: Creepy looking realistic hand robot serves sushi, your fingers.
0:40 - 0:46: Depressed, engineer is depressed.
0:47 - 0:54: Crooked hat robot pleasures itself furiously with cucumber.
0:55 - 1:07: Segway-ass looking robot roofies your drink on it's way from the bar.

There you have it, I'm officially only eating PB&J sandwiches with ingredients processed in non-robotic factories. And if you think I'm joking you've got another thing coming. Namely, *POW* -- my fist.

Youtube

Thanks to calluless, get100pens, This Is Me Posting, Kai, Marcy, Daniel, 24-bit whore, Julian, Jawn and Draw, who would rather starve to death than eat robot-food.

Jun 16 2009 Well It's About Freaking Time: Beer Pouches

CarboPouches are pouches made to be filled with delicious life-nectar. They were designed by the Beverage Pouch Group (not to be confused with Capri-Sun) for nanobreweries (read: you) that don't want to invest in expensive bottling equipment.

The best part is the "organoleptic film structure" that doesn't change the taste of the beer at all. The slightly flexible pouch gives the beer room to fizz, and it's easy to fill with the cap on the bottom.

I don't care if they find out organoleptic film causes cancer, I am gonna drink the hell out of these beer pouches. BEER ON THE GO BABY. Move over, disposable coffee cup!

Beer in a pouch doesn't add metallic tastes, easy to fill [dvice]

Thanks to Romeo, who drinks his beer the way God intended: all day long.

Jun 16 2009 I'm On To You: SNES Really A PC In Disguise

It may look like a Super Nintendo, but really IT'S A TRAP! PC. I particularly like the CD slot.

...here is a cool case mod by quangDX and DuPPs. Using the Super Nintendo and the Acer Aspire One A150, they have created a SNES PC Case Mod. The controller ports have been converted to USB adapters (via a faux controller cable), the cartridge is a CD drive and the cables are plugged in through the back.

Now as good as it does look, I must admit to being anti-stuffing one console into another one's body. It leads to identity crisis -- and identity crisis leads to hookin' on the street corner for pirated software. And if you're reading this: please come home my little MacBook Dreamcast!

Hit the jump for several more shots of the trickery.

Continue Reading " I'm On To You: SNES Really A PC In Disguise "

Jun 15 2009 Finally, I Can Sleep At Night: New 'People Simultaneously Air Guitaring' Record Set

Music fans at the recent UK Download Festival gathered around an EA booth to celebrate the future release of Brutal Legend and set a new 'people simultaneously playing the same song on air guitar' Guinness World Record. In this case, there were 440 people (beating last year's 318) playing Motörhead's "Ace of Spades".

'That was one of the raddest jams I've ever been involved with. The crowd played their air guitars better than Eddie Van Halen! Then they destroyed 'em good and proper. Who cares, right? They can go to the air guitar shop and get another one. Sick to the infinity of sickness! I want a crowd like that at every gig I'm at. Awesometacular - air guitar world records rule!'

Wow, that might very well be the least raddest quote I've ever been involved with. Besides that one about me experimenting with a robot. WHICH IS A LIE. The video too.

Brutal Legend Fans Set Air Guitar World Record [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, who has officially set the record for number of Geekologie tips used.

Jun 15 2009 Alleged Anti-Stab Knife Won't Stab To Kill

Allegedly this New Point knife was designed to be unable to stab someone to death. Questionable, I know.

Mr Cornock, 42, from Swindon, said that the knife will cut vegetables, but will make it almost impossible to stab someone to death and will reduce the risk of accidental injuries.

He said: "It can never be a totally safe knife, but the idea is you can't inflict a fatal wound. Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.

I call shenanigans. There's no such thing as a stab-proof knife. I could hands-down kill somebody (or something -- I'm looking at you, zombie robot) with this thing. Shit, one time I stabbed a guy to death with a brick.

First Anti-Stab Knife Prevents Deadly Kitchen "Accidents" [gizmodo]

Thanks to Pew³, who doesn't need knives because the dude's made of lasers.

Jun 15 2009 ToneMatrix: Best Waste Of An Afternoon Yet

I've been getting this tip for a while but I always forget to post it because usually when I cook something in the microwave I rest my head against it and it makes me forget things and, more often than not, pee and overcook my burrito. So yeah, ToneMatrix is a simple audio program based on a 16 step sequencer. You just start clicking boxes and they play the appropriate tones in rhythm. That's an example of a beat I made there, but it's not my best. I'd show you a few of my best BUT THEY ARE TOO FRESH FOR YOU! Beats, like women, are a dish best served mature. You see where I'm going with this? I'm talking about cougars. And speaking of which -- did I ever tell you about the first time I did one? I had a friend lower me into their pen at the zoo. RAWR!

ToneMatrix [andre-michelle]

Thanks to Emmortality, Aramar the Black, Clint, chloe and Towhee Monster, whose beats are so fresh they haven't even been born yet. OR CONCEIVED. They're still living in some guy's nuts!

Jun 15 2009 Good Times, Sexy Times: Jurassic Fight Club

Jurassic Fight Club: Turf Wars is a little in-browser video game (in the style of Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat) made by The History Channel to promote their new series Jurassic Fight Club premiering on Tuesday, July 29th at 9PM eastern. Needless to say, I will be turning on, tuning in and dripping out the leg of my pants. And, while I typically don't condone dinosaur on dinosaur violence, this was strangely erotic. You like how I caught a screencap of the two dinosaurs kissing? I do. JURASSIC FAP!

Jurassic Fight Club

Thanks to Gabby, who beat the whole game. Nice, Gabby, I tried, but my directional pad got stuck.

Jun 15 2009 Super Mario Bros. Controlled With A Theramin

God, finally -- Super Mario Bros. the way it was meant to be played.

Theremin-Controlled Mario Offers Glimpse of a Bizarre Motion Gaming Alternate History [gizmodo]

Jun 15 2009 Raytheon Gets Contract For Laser Weapon

Raytheon, a company best known for my brother and I both swearing we saw an airplane land on top of one of their buildings in Huntsville, Alabama, has received a Navy contract to draw up the initial design of a powerful burning 100-kW Fee Electron Laser (which may or may not look like an automotive engine) to be mounted on seagoing vessels. Pew pew? No. PEW PEW!

Once designed, the naval operators could adjust the wavelength of the laser, which wasn't possible with conventional lasers. This helps compensate for the varying humidity associated with ship-borne situations.

The laser beams could be used against missiles, airplanes, or even boats.

I need one of these for my car. Seriously, I'm tired of sitting in traffic. And let me tell you, I don't just road rage, I road man-rage. You ever seen a guy tear off his own steering wheel, jam it down an air-conditioning vent and then sob uncontrollably? If you've ridden with me you have.

Navy/Raytheon working on 100kW weaponized laser: cue the 'pew-pew' sound effects [dvice]

Jun 15 2009 Tactical Corsets Provide Pew Pew Protection

Tactical Corsets are "high-fashion high-function clothes for empowered women" and are available with or without body armor depending on the level of "action" you see on a day to day basis.

Tactical gear is no longer an all boys club. Tactical Corsets bring female operators MILSPEC features like MOLLE modular pouch attachment webbing and self-adjustable quick-release buckles in a load-bearing carrier designed to support the female form.

Count me in. And by me and I mean you, ladies. Okay, and me. What -- I look good in black! Also, stilettos.

Tactical Corsets

Thanks to Watch-303, who once took out a whole tribe of amazon women but made them all pay for their own dinners.

Jun 15 2009 Blocky: Tetris Pots For Growing Grass

These are planters in the form of tetrads. They are equally suited for growing shit or use as cereal bowls. And, because I'm a complete slaya', I've even come up with another use: decoration. Did I just blow your mind? No? THEN WHOSE WAS THAT? Quick -- the lights!

Tetris Goes to Pot [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, who grows his 'grass' in old milk jugs like a normal person.

Jun 14 2009 Ooooh, He's Light Up: Gundam At Night

Thought the Japanese Gundam statue looked good during the day? Well check it out at night! The statue is chock-full of blinky blinks and other lighting effects to help assure the citizens of Japan they're safe from attack. Unless it's an inside job. *ahem* I'm looking at you, RX-78.

Hit the jump for a bunch more and a link to the HQ versions in case you want to print em out and make love to them. Sicko.

Continue Reading " Ooooh, He's Light Up: Gundam At Night "

Jun 14 2009 Golden: ZOMG, WTF Are Those Things?!

Impressive, but mine drag on the pavement.

Loose In DC Tonight: The Mother of All Truck Nutz [wonkette]

Thanks to Spoonman, who may or may not want to give this vehicle a physical.

Jun 14 2009 Childhood Fears Recreated As Photographs

Joshua Hoffine is a photographer who recreates scenes of childhood fears. They are scary.

My images are not photoshop collages.I use photoshop to finesse details and to adjust color and contrast for printing.I use friends and family members as actors and crew.Everyone works for free. We do it for fun.

Wow -- I know one guy who's gonna be sleeping with his light on tonight. His fleshlight. God, I can't believe I even know what that is. No, no I'm not.

Hit the jump for several of my favorites, then hit the link for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " Childhood Fears Recreated As Photographs "

Jun 13 2009 Meat Hero: Man Gets Struck By Lightning While BBQing, Only Utters 'Sausages'

Eric Brocklebank, 64, got struck by lightning while manning the barbecue. And what did he have to say about it? Sausages.

"It was like an implosion inside my body."

"There was so much pressure inside of me and I couldn't see properly. I could just make out the faint outline of people heading my way."

It came in through my arm, which is burnt, then it must have gone down through my body and out through my feet."

He added: "I was told the only thing I could say as I was drifting in and out of consciousness was 'sausages'."

Somebody get this man an award. Not only does he brave the elements to cook some delicious meat, but he gets struck by lightning and SOMEHOW KEEPS HIS BURNT EYES ON THE SAUSAGE-Y PRIZE. My God they must have been delicious.

Lightning bolt heats up BBQ [thesun]

Thanks to Vask, who nominates Eric for a 2009 Wiener Award.

Jun 13 2009 Robot Hunts For Outlets, Steals Electricity

PR2 is a robot that can hunt down power outlets to recharge its own battery. Why it even exists is beyond me. Thankfully, I just jammed forks into all my electric outlets, so if he tries stealing my power, he's in for a real shock (!).

This particular run had our PR2 alpha robot navigate through eight doors, and plug its power cord into nine outlets. In this video, you can see the various challenges our robot faced, such as a crowded office environment and the abrupt appearance of a human obstacle. We nearly sabotaged the run early on. Folks around the office were eager to track the progress of the robot, so many people ran their own monitoring programs on the PR2. This caused an increase in CPU load, starving the navigation software. Nonetheless, the robot was able to continue with the run, albeit more slowly and cautiously.

Okay, so I've formulated a plan. I'm going to lure this bastard out in the open with a power strip, and then, right before he inserts his genitalia, I'M GONNA CHOP IT OFF WITH A LASER BEAM! Cut off from his power supply, PR2 will slowly die while neighborhood children throw rocks at it him I swing his severed junk around like a lasso.

Milestone 2 Reached! Now You Can Watch It [willowgarage]

Thanks to Jeremy, who once broke a child's toy robot and made the boy cry. Trust me, Jeremy, he'll thank you later.

Jun 13 2009 Student Makes Barrel Monster, Gets Arrested

I don't care what you say, that's probably the best life those barrels could have asked for. God knows I've run over my fair share and dragged them home.

NC State student Joseph Carnevale, the artist behind the Traffic Barrel Monster, has been arrested for stealing the barrels and "cutting and screwing them together to make a statue," which apparently is a misdemeanor in North Carolina.

The total cost of the damage has been estimated at $360 and a court case is scheduled for July 21st.

WHOA WHOA WHOA -- $360 for four barrels? What are they, lined with crystals? Sounds like somebody in the barrel making business is in bed with somebody at the department of transportation. And they're doing it.

Traffic Barrel Monster Creator Arrested [jalopnik]

Thanks to Ty, who once made a bong out of a traffic cone.

Jun 12 2009 Skinny Blonde: Australian For Sexy Beer

Skinny Blonde Beer comes from Australia and has a skinny blonde chick on the front of the bottle that, when the temperature gets hot enough, loses her top. And, to give you a demo of this model of modern boobosity, they have the six chicks in the picture above to provide NSFW examples. So, head over to the website (provided you're over 18, or under and don't mind sinning) and give it a go. After watching just the first girl I ordered 30 cases of the stuff. Also, I might have just gotten stuck in a bottle. BWHAHAHAHAH A -- like it's that big!

Skinny Blonde Beer NSFW

Thanks to jlcnuke, who agrees this beer/boob combo is giving explosions and boobs a run for its money.

Jun 12 2009 Comfort Wipe: Holding Toilet Paper In Your Hand Is "Really Archaic And Disgusting"

The Comfort Wipe is an 18" arm extender/wad of toilet paper holder for use when you can't reach your own ass or don't like your digits coming into contact with your butthole (you're doing it wrong!). Interesting. Also, I want to know the "advantages" of being big the hefty dude is talking about. In all seriousness though, this really is a great product, I just recommend buying two (read: I lost one wiping hard).

Youtube

Thanks to Wilson and gizmoduck, who just use a handful of poison ivy fashioned to a stick because they're hardcore.

Jun 12 2009 Questionable: Boy Is Allegedly Hit By Meteorite, Lives To Tell Spread Lies About It

Allegedly Gerrit Blank, 14, of Essen, Germany, got hit by a pea-sized meteorite on his way to school.

A red hot, pea-sized piece of rock then hit his hand before bouncing off and causing a foot wide crater in the ground.

The teenager survived the strike, the chances of which are just 1 in a million - but with a nasty three-inch long scar on his hand.

He said: "At first I just saw a large ball of light, and then I suddenly felt a pain in my hand.

"The noise that came after the flash of light was so loud that my ears were ringing for hours afterwards.

"When it hit me it knocked me flying and then was still going fast enough to bury itself into the road," he explained.

Jesus, Gerrit, so you didn't finish your book report, it's not that big a deal.

14-year-old hit by 30,000 mph space meteorite [telegraph]

Thanks to catch22, Texico and Joemo, who have all been hit in the face with real UFO's and never missed a class.

Jun 12 2009 Gang Uses Stolen Credit Cards To Buy Own Music On Amazon/iTunes, Collect Royalties

That's right, some gang of criminal masterminds operating out of Britain uploaded songs to iTunes and Amazon and then, using 1,500 stolen credit cards, bought $750,000 worth of their own songs, netting them nearly $300,000 in royalties.

Six men and three women were arrested yesterday by 60 officers at addresses in London, Birmingham, Wolverhampton and Kent. A man in his forties, was arrested later.

They are all being held in custody on suspicion of conspiracy to commit fraud and money laundering.

A police source said: "We will not know why they did what they did until we have conducted all the interviews."

Yeah, gee, I WONDER WHY THEY DID IT. Probably the same reason anyone partakes in criminal activity -- to pretend you're a rockstar.

Criminal gang bought own music on iTunes and Amazon using stolen cards [timesonline]

Thanks to ff, who tried to sell a music video on iTunes that was secretly just a video of him fapping.

Jun 12 2009 What Fridays On Geekologie Should Look Like

Look around. Does your desk area match the one in this picture? If not, you're doing it wrong. This is a picture of Geekologie loyalist naas's Friday interweb setup entitled 'fridays on geekologie'. And as you can see, the man really knows how to internet. After all, this is a website best viewed in squinting one-eyed resolution. Vomit optional.

naas' Flickr Stream (with a bunch more booze and a ton of shots from Japan)

Thanks to naas, who urges you all to please, Geekologie responsibly.

Jun 12 2009 Because You're A Badass: Leather Band-Aids

Let's face it, you're a badass. And a badass needs something equally bangarang to cover his booboos when he falls and skins his leg or cuts himself with a laserbeam. Enter leather band-aids. A pack of 3 will set you back $18, which is a little steep considering they don't come with matching chaps. Also available: genuine Louis Vuitton leather band-aids (SADLY NOT JOKING). Personally, I like to dress my wounds oldschool: in tuxedos.

Hit the jump for one more shot.

Continue Reading " Because You're A Badass: Leather Band-Aids "

Jun 12 2009 Stormchasers Capture Inside Of Tornado

This is a video of some stormchasers in Goshen county, Wyoming driving into a tornado (the good stuff starts around 2:20). I've got to admit, it's a pretty ballsy move -- but I've done it on foot. And yes, I was transported to Oz. Don't believe me? Then where'd I get these Munchkin panties?

Holy Crap, Storm Chasers Captured Footage Inside a Tornado [gizmodo]

Jun 12 2009 Weird Gel Remote Lays Limp When Not In Use

This conceptual gel remote from Panasonic lays limp when not in use, pulsating with a soft light. But when its sensors detect a hand coming, it stiffens, ready for action!

Constructed of a soft, flesh-like gel, the remote appears cold when off. Once turned on, however, it seems to come to life. A soft light emanates somewhere from within as the center of the device begins to slowly rise and fall, mimicking the tranquil motions of breath. Left undisturbed, the remote will slumber peacefully. But should a human hand approach, sensors inside alert it to the imminent touch. It stops breathing, grows rigid - the light from within is extinguished.

Wow, congratulations on the world's creepiest remote, Panasonic. Limp when not in use, rigid when you touch it -- doesn't that remind you of something else? No? Me neither.

Strange Gel Remote Concept by Panasonic [cubeme]

Thanks Anothony, but put that away. You can't change the channel with that.

Jun 11 2009 Oh Snap -- You Just Got PEW PEW PEWed!

I don't even have windows in my apartment OR car but that didn't stop me from buying $6,000 worth of Solar Gard Window Films. Because, you know what they say, "Pew makes the world go round". No? "Kill two birds with one laser"? A-ha! "All you need is pew." Amen to that.

Animated gif [threadbombing]

Thanks to TeckniX, who sure knows how to brighten a Geekologie Writer's day.

Jun 11 2009 Dino Break Ups: The Story Of My Life

If you've ever wanted to get to know me better, watch this video -- it's the story of my life. And, if you can't tell, I don't perform well in relationships. But don't let that stop you. Ladies?

Youtube

Thanks to helliebee and Megan, who just realized they don't want to date me after all.

Jun 11 2009 Own (A Replica Of) Marty's Hat From BTTF 2!

I've got the feeling it'll look great with a neon pink track suit. Or nothing at all. Which, honestly, is the only way to wear hats. Of course, if you're a BTTF 2 purist you could whip out your shoes, jacket, hoverboard and Delorean and BAM!: dead ringer for Marty McFly.

While actually shipping July 15th, the Marty MacFly 2015 Hat Replica is available for pre-order today for the low, low price of $25.

I thought about buying one but then I realized my Hypercolor shirt stopped working years ago. Also, $25? That's a lap dance and can of beer at the strip club. That's right, can.

Buy the Hat from Back to the Future: Part II [gizmodo]

Thanks pudding, I want to eat you up. I mean, you are a chick, right? Right?

Jun 11 2009 I Like: Today's Woot Shirt, The Monalisaur

Today's shirt.woot is the Monalisaur. I bought one. It cost $10 shipped. I'm going to wear it. Then I'm going to cut a hole where the mouth is and wear it out. Yow yow! I've never made love to a dinosaur-woman hybrid before but I've always wanted to. Although, to my credit, I did make love to a woman with alligator skin once. She was a retiree in Florida selling citrus by the roadside. Best tangerines ever. And I'm not talking about her tits either.

Shirt Woot

Thanks to Corinna and Gizmoduck, who know what I like (read: dinosaurs).

Jun 11 2009 DO NOT OUTBID ME: How To Sell A Washer

As we've learned in the past, personal selling takes skills. We've seen people do it right, and we've seen people do it horribly, horribly wrong. This is another example of successful selling.

Once while washing a load of towells it got a bit out of balance and it got so out of control for a minute that I swear I actually saw a porthole to another dimension open above it just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the otherside and they looked scared too, it almost sucked me in but I held onto for my life to the deepfreeze. It sucked my shoes and pants off though and it got the iron as well which pissed me off because it was quite a good one. Luckily it sucked it's own power cord out of the wall and stopped before the whole house went in.

I drew a picture of the dinosaurs i saw incase people didn't believe me, they are partly red because my green felt ran out half way through.

Well, it's been real folks, but I'm boldly going where no man has gone before. Pantless. DINO-RIIIIIIDERS!

Hit the jump to read the entire ad (which is actually mad long) and see the dinosaurs.

Continue Reading " DO NOT OUTBID ME: How To Sell A Washer "

Jun 11 2009 Star Trek Communicator App For iPhone

Want a realistic Star Trek communicator app for your iPhone? You're in luck, dog.

This classic Star Trek communicator app for iPhone slipped past us when it was first released into the App Store at the end of May. The spot on graphics and familiar chirping sound triggered when performing the epic cover-flip to access the communicator's controls is pure goodness.

This app is dangerously authentic and it's actually useful too. Unfortunately the developers had to name it "Star Radio Communicator" ($.99) in order to keep Paramount from sniffing out their brilliant effort.

*BEEP BOOP chirpity chirp chirp* Geekologie Writer, come in -- this is your captain speaking. What do you say you and I go investigate planet Dinosauria and score some sweet tail? "Captain, I've already been beamed."

UPDATE: App was purchased by several Geekologie Readers who attest the thing is a monster piece of shit and doesn't sound right at all. Save your buck.

Star Trek Communicator for iPhone Is Spot On [iphonesavior]

Thanks to Michael, who boob beep chirpity chirps all the ladies. And to Dan, Aaron and konstance for each pissing away $1 to find out it sucks the balls.

Jun 11 2009 Tell Me How This Is Okay: Robots With Guns

Jun 11 2009 Um, Hooray?: Smurf Party Sets World Record

Proving beyond a shadow of a doubt you can score a Guinness World Record for absolutely anything, a group of 2,510 students in Swansea, UK donned Smurf costumes and became "the largest gathering of people dressed as Smurfs". Wow, that's a whole lot of blue penises.

The record was previously held by the town of Castleblayney in County Monaghan, Ireland, which recorded 1,253 Smurfs gathered in the high street last year.

"This is just the beginning of our world record run. We are hoping to set, break and smash Guinness World Records for iconic characters from Daleks to Superheroes. Watch this space."

Well, isn't that something? I'm all for the continued cosplayery. May I suggest the largest crowd of naked female Wonderwomen anything. Also, you can't trust those goons from Guinness, so I'll be officiating.

Hit the jump for a partial shot of a Smurf's ass.

Continue Reading " Um, Hooray?: Smurf Party Sets World Record "

Jun 10 2009 Iceberg, Dead Ahead!: Your Own R/C Titanic

Want a 1:150 (~6-foot) R/C scale model of the Titanic? These monster water gobbling whores allegedly have over 300 handmade parts and take over 400 man-hours to complete. You can buy them too, provided you've got a cool $2,500 lying around. Which, if you do, WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE? *sockful of pennies you in the face* Haha, the boat is mine! TOOT TOOOOT! [Insert joke about going down on my ship]

Product Page
via
Remote-controlled scale model of the Titanic is asking for trouble [dvice]

Jun 10 2009 Street Fighter II Bonus Stage In Real Life

Alright, I have to lay off the ropacalypse posts for a little bit, I was starting to have heart palpitations. Also, a serious decrease in libido. Thankfully, I just watched Jurassic Park in fast forward, so I think I'll be okay. Anyway, this is the 'beat up the car' bonus stage from Street Fighter II reenacted by a real life Ryu. And, as you can probably tell, he received no bonus points.

Youtube

Thanks to asiantom, who would have begun with a couple well-placed Hadoukens to get the party started quickly.

Jun 10 2009 Noob Not Millionth Word Of English Language After All. No, Apparently Now It's 'Web 2.0'

Remember last month when I reported 'noob' was going to be the millionth English word introduced into dictionaries? Well apparently I was lied to (you bitch!), and now the honor goes to 'Web 2.0', which is pretty effed up considering it's half numeral.

The buzzword that heralded the new age of social networking on the internet, Web 2.0, has been crowned the one millionth English word by a US-based language monitoring group.

The Texas-based Global Language Monitor (GLM) acknowledges new words once they have been used 25,000 times on media and social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook. It predicts that a new English-language word is created every 98 minutes.

You know what, I'm tired of this honky-tonk flip-flopping bullshit. I suggest we start a rumor that Geekologie is actually the millionth word in the English language. It's sure as hell a whole lot more believable than noob and web 2.0. As a matter of fact, I already defined it in an earlier post.

Geekologie n, v (2008)
1. the study of all things geek
Dude, this college sucks, you can't even get a Geekologie degree.

2. to utterly destroy someone else and prove your dominance, similar to pwn
Suck it, sucker, I just beat your Bomberman high score. You got Geekologied!

3. to teabag a passed out roommate who forgot to take his shoes off
Quick, grab the video camera -- I'm gonna Geekologie Davey!

Now, go forth and spread the news, LEST I HAVE TO GEEKOLOGIE THAT ASS.

'Web 2.0' is one millionth English word [msn]

Thanks to jawn and draw, who just wrote Merriam Webster and told them to suck it.

Jun 10 2009 You Fool!: Man Builds Giant Mecha In Garage

You thought I was kidding about it being Robotic Apocalypse Awareness Day, didn't you? I wasn't. First the Israeli snake robot, then Gundam, and now, another mecha. Plus, the day isn't over yet. Holy shit, more to come. Truth? You can't handle the truth!

Carlos Owens, 31, an army mechanic by trade, began building his own personal mecha in his garage in 2004. Five years, later, TA-DA -- tetanus on two feet.

Owens is working on two more prototypes, modifying the design to make it lighter and more maneuverable. For the new prototype of his mechanical suit, Carlos Owens is planning to feature a chest plate that swings open so he doesn't have to climb in from underneath.

He foresees mechas having uses in the military and the construction industry but acknowledges that right now they're best suited to entertainment. The first application he has in mind: mecha-vs.-mecha battles, demolition-derby style.

Demolition-derby style mecha wars, huh? Well at least you've got your priorities straight, Carlos. And, since I was born complete with pirate cannonballs, I challenge your mecha to the death. Go on, climb up in there. The fight will begin as soon as....*PEW PEW PEW PEW!* Now somebody haul this scrap to the junkyard.

Hit the jump for a closeup of Carlos in the thing. Alternatively: face tetanus.

Continue Reading " You Fool!: Man Builds Giant Mecha In Garage "

Jun 10 2009 Japan Completes Life-Sized Gundam Statue

Nice Japan, a giant freaking Gundam -- I was tired of living anyways. You know, you're really flirting with fire here. Like that time I tried to make out with a candle and almost set my nacho ablaze.

To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the mecha anime/manga/toy/video game franchise, this 18-meter-tall (59-foot-tall) RX-78 has been erected.

Fifty points on the Gundam statue will emit light, and mist will shoot out of 14 different points on the statue. The 1/1 scale Gundam boasts a moveable head and a continuous stream of oh-man-this-is-so-damn-cool.

Now I'm not saying this thing is gonna come alive, go rogue, and destroy Japan, but it is, and my schoolgirl panties better ship before it does.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a couple links to massive picture galleries.

Continue Reading " Japan Completes Life-Sized Gundam Statue "

Jun 10 2009 I'd Have Never Missed An Episode: What If The Enterprise Was Run By Sexy Ladies?

This is a moderately NSFW video showing what life would be like on the Enterprise if it was partially run by scantily clad womens. Although truthfully, Deanna Troi was more than enough sexy lady/Betazoid hybrid for me. Yow yow! And how about when she and Worf were getting it on? Geekologie Writer's Log, Stardate 47988.0: Double boner.

Youtube

Thanks to darkfall13, who was all about some Beverly Crusher.

Jun 10 2009 Aaaah!: Israeli Army To Deploy Robot Snakes

Well folks, based on the tips I've been getting, it looks like today might turn into Robot Apocalypse Awareness Day (RAAD -- which is ironic, because this is far from the power of sick). Long story short: it's probably best to empty your bowels now. So, apparently the Israeli army has been working on the development of creepy robot snakes (not to be confused with these ones) for use in battle. Not cool. Also, they may need to brush up on their Photoshop skills if they were trying to inconspicuously remove the power cord from that picture.

Well, apparently, the snake's physical attributes and all-terrain mobility advantages haven't gone unnoticed by the Israeli military. The Jerusalem Post is reporting that the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) have introduced an all-terrain snake-like recon robot/UGV (Unmanned Ground Vehicle) a.k.a. robotic snake or "robot snake" to crawl around the battlefield looking for the enemy and potential targets. If it locates the enemy, the robot snake can then slither up to the enemy/target and record audio and video of that target, and then slither right back off.

There is even talk of packing the things with explosives (making them much more like my snake) so you can detonate your enemies from afar. You know, just like that computer game Worms, except nothing like that at all. More like that game Oh Shit What the Eff Are You Thinking, Israel?!. Yeah, just like that one.

Hit the jump for a video of the snake in action.

Continue Reading " Aaaah!: Israeli Army To Deploy Robot Snakes "

Jun 10 2009 New Futuramas Coming To Comedy Central

Sad they stopped making new Futurama episodes? Well cry no more my puffy-eyed compadre, Comedy Central just signed a deal for 26 new episodes beginning mid-2010!

When the series returns with original episodes in 2010, it will be seven years after the show's last original episode aired on Fox. That's a much longer hiatus than the three years Family Guy spent on the bench before being summoned back by Fox.

All key voice cast members are expected to return for the new episodes, along with the series' core writing team.

Nice, now I can finally reignite my love-hate relationship with Bender. Good to see you again buddy, wanna drink? What am I saying -- I'll kill you! Unless you have naked pictures of Leela, in which case, BFFs!

I'll kill you in your sleep.

Comedy Central gives Futurama new future [abc]

Thanks to Rigo, Nick, Julian and Sarah-Ashton, who have never received a package from Planet Express on time.

Jun 9 2009 Cuuute!: Hello Kitty 'Castle' Opens In Shanghai

It looks more like a house to me, but like the saying goes, "one man's house is another He-Man's Castle Grayskull". So who am I to argue? BESIDES THE BEST DAMN (MASS) DEBATER MY HIGH SCHOOL EVER SAW! Anyway, this is a Hello Kitty castle that recently opened to the feline loving public in Shanghai, China. I have no idea why, I guess it's like a museum or something. A museum of cuteness! See ladies, I can be sensitive. Even more sensitive than old people teeth. But I can still eat ice cream. I'll be at the parlor, call me.

Hit the jump to see several more of the cat ladyness.

Continue Reading " Cuuute!: Hello Kitty 'Castle' Opens In Shanghai "

Jun 9 2009 Like This: How To Make Tetris NSFW

This is a NSFW video of a tetrad guy watching a Tetris orgy video. Which, if watched without sound, is actually pretty safe for work. But then you don't get to hear all the moaning, which, honestly, is the only reason I stay in seedy hotels in the first place. As a matter of fact, a few weeks ago I heard this one couple going at it so hard it sounded like they were gonna kill each other. Then gunshots. Then me collecting my audio equipment and tiptoeing to the car.

Hardcore Tetris Orgy Brings Back Odd Memories [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who's actually owns that title on Blu-ray.

Jun 9 2009 Mountain Dew Is Back With WoW Game Fuel

You may recall a couple years ago when Mountain Dew came out with a special edition Halo-themed soda called Game Fuel. You may also recall It tasting like shit and the Geekologie Writer suing because it made his penis shrink (it was visible before, I swear). Well now they're back with two World of Warcraft inspired game imbibe-ables.

The Horde drink is reddish orange and packed with "a blast of citrus cherry". Nice, guys -- God knows orcs probably love that citrus cherry flavor. The Alliance beverage is blue and "packs a punch of wild fruit flavor". Ironically, so do I. Both drinks are available now and guarantee to be packed with previously unheard of amounts of performance reducing yellow #5. Mmmm.

Official Site

Thanks to PsychoSane13, who can't make up his mind and probably leaning towards psycho. Also, the red drink.

Jun 9 2009 Will Future Ovens Cook With Lasers? (Yes)

Electrolux just ran another one of their harebrained design competitions and this laser-powered oven created by Ludovic Peperstaete was one of the featured designs. It cooks with pews!

Instead of heating elements or an open flame, food is cooked via 3 harmless lasers that are targeted by the cook. And while a single laser supposedly isn't strong enough to cook food, we all know that crossing two lasers can cook anything from a Thanksgiving turkey to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

I, for one, welcome our pew pew oven overlords. Now, bake me a cake! What do you mean, "there's already a bun in the oven"? I thought we did it in the broiler. WELL THEY'RE TOO CLOSE TOGETHER -- HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!

Could A Laser Oven Be In Our Future? Pew Pew! [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Damian, who cooks his meals the old fashioned way: by leaving it to a woman.

Jun 9 2009 Fun Website: Let Me Google That For You

Let me Google That For You (LMGTFY) is a fun website that allows you to send links to people that effectively Google a topic for them because they're idiots. Click HERE to see an example I made. Pretty awesome, huh? I thought so. Don't agree? Click HERE.

Let Me Google That For You

Thanks to Randy, who once Googled Google and made the interwebs explode.

Jun 9 2009 Doctor Who Fan Dies, Has Themed Funeral

Sebastian Neale, a 26 year old from South Wales and mega-fan of the Doctor Who series, passed away recently due to head injuries and was given a proper Dr. Who themed send off.

The funeral music was swapped out in favor of the Dr. Who's theme song and mourners were greeted with the Doctor's words, "I'm a time lord ... I'm not a human being. I walk in eternity." Instead of Bible verses, the funeral consisted of quotes from classic Who scripts, including William Hartnell's famous speech from "The Dalek Invasion Of Earth": "One day, I will come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine."

Wow, I just got a little teary eyed. You know, this got me thinking about my own funeral. I've decided I want it to be Geekologie themed. I'd like the presiding wizard to read a few of my funnier posts (which I have yet to write), and you mourners (and rejoicers) to read some of your comments. Then, Daisy will proclaim the whole thing a fake, and that I'm secretly crashing in Baja and Max's garage, waiting to start a new life. The ceremony will end with The Superficial Writer urinating into my open casket.

R.I.P. Sebastian, I hope your Tardis takes you to whenever you want.

Hit the jump for a better shot of the casket.

Continue Reading " Doctor Who Fan Dies, Has Themed Funeral "

Jun 9 2009 Han Solo, P.I.: Star Wars/Magnum P.I. Mashup

These are scenes from Star Wars set to the Magnum P.I. opening theme with amazingly accurate scenes to match those from the television show. Which leads us to an important question: who would make a better lover, Han with his laser blaster or Magnum with his mustache? If you answered, "The Geekologie Writer and a rack of pork ribs", congratulations, you've won yourself a date. I'm thinking the museum of natural history -- pick me up at seven, I don't drive.

Hit the jump to see a video of the mashup without the comparison shot.

Continue Reading " Han Solo, P.I.: Star Wars/Magnum P.I. Mashup "

Jun 9 2009 USB Microwave Is World's Smallest, For Beans

The Heinz Beanzawave is being billed as the world's smallest microwave and measures a scant 7.4 inches tall by 6.2 inches wide and 5.9 inches deep. It's equally suited for heating a can of beans/soup at your desk or frying your nuts so you can't have children.

The mini microwave is being developed as a partner to Heinz Snap Pots, baked beans in single-serving containers. The Snap Pots, available in the U.K., fit perfectly into the Beanzawave. But the $160 device will only be released commercially if consumer feedback is positive and if component prices drop in the near future.

Well you can count me on board. I'M ON A BOAT! Just kidding, I wish I was though. No, right now I'm just laying in bed topless braiding my penises. Now where'd I put that scrunchie?

Beanzawave: The World's Smallest Microwave [fastcompany]

Thanks to scottsc, who cooks his beans at work the old fashioned way: on a campfire in the boardroom.

Jun 8 2009 Pimp Out Your Bike Wheels With Monkeylectric

Looking to add some flashy flair to your bicycle but already have a sweet horn? How about some LEDs for your wheels? Monkeylectric bike LEDs are capable of producing cool designs, including, and not just limited to: stars and shit.

It's essentially a AA battery-powered 256 RGB system that straps to a bike's spokes and has a sweet spot of between 8 and 20 mph: At 8, you'll just start to see the patterns in the center, and at 20 the light show will have taken over your entire wheel. It's customizable, but only to a point, as you have to use the on-board buttons to alter the patterns rather than loading images via USB or whatever.

A kit costs $60, which really isn't too bad considering all the seizures you'll cause. I just ordered two. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "a pot leaf on the front wheel and skull & crossbones on the back", you're not. I'm going dual mudflap chicks, baby!

Hit the jump for a picture of the device and a worthwhile video of them in action.

Continue Reading " Pimp Out Your Bike Wheels With Monkeylectric "

Jun 8 2009 Apple's Worldwide Developer's Conference: New iPhone 3GS And Some Other Stuff

Well folks, Apple just wrapped up its Worldwide Developer's Conference in San Francisco, and, (no) surprise!: a new iPhone (and software update) available June 19th. Also, a couple new laptops and a new OS, Snow Leopard (I hope nobody got paid for that). Anyway, the highlights of the new iPhone are as follows:

• Improved performance
• 3-megapixel autofocus camera
• Video recording
• Voice Control
• Digital compass
• Cut, Copy & Paste
• MMS
• Spotlight Search
• Landscape keyboard
• Voice Memos

Wonderful. Especially considering I dropped mine face down on the driveway two days AND THEN STEPPED ON IT AND SKIDDED IT ACROSS THE concrete. Luckily, it didn't break, it just got scratched all to hell. Don't believe me? Hold on, I'll take a picture.

Okay, so you can't take a picture OF your iPhone WITH your iPhone (without using mirrors the way you'd look at your own ass in the bathroom).

Hit the jump for a picture of my wallpaper instead and a visual comparison of the new iPhone and old iPhone.

Continue Reading " Apple's Worldwide Developer's Conference: New iPhone 3GS And Some Other Stuff "

Jun 8 2009 It's About Time: Haynes Manual For Apollo 11

This is the $29 Haynes Owners' Workshop Manual for all the vehicles and equipment used during the Apollo 11 mission to the moon. I'm still gonna pick up a copy, despite deciding to build my own rocketship for scratch (I'm hoping for pointers on seducing moon-women).

On 20 July 1969, US astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. This is the story of the Apollo 11 mission and the 'space hardware' that made it all possible. This manual looks at the evolution and design of the mighty Saturn V rocket, the Command and Service Modules, and the Lunar Module. It describes the space suits worn by the crew and their special life support and communications systems.

There you have it, everything you need to know about how to fly a mission to the moon 40 years ago. Of course, things have changed since then. Namely, US women now have the right to vote. Yeah, and we haven't sent anyone else to the moon in 37 years. Coincidence, or should women not be allowed to drive? You decide.

Product Site
via
NASA Apollo 11 Service Manual From Haynes [ohgizmo]

Jun 8 2009 Evading The Red Army: Russian Freerunning

Not to be outdone by wicked sickness that is ninja boy, this is an older video of some wicked Russian freerunning/climbing. It's pretty impressive and if I had even half those moves I would have spent a lot less in the slammer learning about love and relationships and bartering one's ass for cigarettes. Regardless, I think we can all agree that the world would be a much different place now if the Ruskies had this intelligence during the Cold War. Read: I'd be drinking vodka right now. Wait, I am drinking vodka right now. I HEART YOU RUSSIA!

Send me a bride.

Youtube

Thanks to AmericanKGB, who may or may not be working both sides. I suspect he is.

Jun 8 2009 I'd Eat It: A Meatwad Inspired Meat Dress

This is a Meatwad (of Aqua teen Hunger Force fame) inspired cosplay dress. As you can see, the chick isn't looking too Meatwad-y. More Meatstick-y. AND THE DRESS IS MADE FROM REAL FREAKING MEAT. AAAAAAAAAAH I'M IN LOVE!

I considered somehow vacuum-sealing sheets of meat with those sealers they have on the markets now, but the machines were too expensive for a one-time-only disposeable dress. I ended up using the K.I.S.S. method of construction, which involved a basic shift dress out of thick cotton. I layed the meat on top, then put clear vinyl over it and sewed tracks with clear thread. I used a wide stitch length to avoid perforating the meat to the point it might just... uh, slide down the bottom of the dress. I also blotted it all before sewing to get rid of as much grease as possible to avoid clouding the vinyl. Lastly, I made sure to bind the bottom of the dress with a strip of clear vinyl to catch drips.

That was hands down the sexiest thing I've ever read. Now I'm not saying I'd make love to this woman just because she made a dress out of meat, but I 100% would. Twice. And then have her make sandwiches out of...you guessed it! I know, I should write fairy tales.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to Jia Jem's cosplay site which has A TON of other sexy costumes she's made. Literally, a ton. I think I have a new crush.

Continue Reading " I'd Eat It: A Meatwad Inspired Meat Dress "

Jun 8 2009 Geekologie Reader Turns Battlestar Galactica's Number Six Into A Puppet

Now I don't want to get into a philosophical debate about the merits of banging a humanoid Cylon, but in Number Six's case, I would. Hell, I'd even do her in puppet form. What do you know -- I'm in luck! Geekologie Reader Brian (of Puppet Palpatine fame) is making a bunch of Battlestar Galactica puppets and decided to start with Number Six (Tricia Helfer). And believe me, I would totally stick my hand in that. Past the wrist.

Hit the jump for three more shots (the last one possibly NSFW depending on how your employer's felt nipple policy) and links to a huge Flickr gallery and build page (including videos).

Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader Turns Battlestar Galactica's Number Six Into A Puppet "

Jun 8 2009 Conan Does Bit About Super Mario Backdrop

This is a video of Conan O'Brien talking about his new Mushroom Kingdom inspired backdrop. I don't want to ruin it for you, but there were no dinosaurs. Also, that's two plugs now Conan, it's time you holler back at your boy.

Youtube

Thanks to Fally, who agrees late-night television is seriously lacking in the dinosaur department.

Jun 8 2009 Stealth Dodge Challenger Built By Air Force

Want to join the Air Force? Look at the picture above. How about now? Still no? Well damn, the Air Force is gonna be pissed -- this was supposed to be a powerful recruitment tool.

The Challenger Vapor features radar-absorbing stealth-black paint, not unlike what is used to mask stealth bombers. The Vapor is set to run almost silently, thanks to "stealth exhaust" - whatever that means. Reminds us of when KITT used to go "Silent Mode" on Knight Rider. You need biometric verification to enter the cockpit via gull wing doors. The driver can view night/thermal vision projections on the windshield while sitting in a compartment that looks like something out of Crimson Tide.

Listen, Air Force, I'm not one to tell somebody how to do their job, but if you want new recruits, you're going about it all wrong. Two words: Free jetpacks. You think about it.

UPDATE: Looks like they also made a Mustang with a jet-like cockpit. Added pics after jump.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a short video of the thing.

Continue Reading " Stealth Dodge Challenger Built By Air Force "

Jun 7 2009 The Aliens Are Coming: Sheep In A Circle

This is a picture of sheep in Herefordshire, England forming a perfect circle all by themselves because the aliens are coming. And aliens, at least according to science, hate circles. Some people believe the shape was created by a farmer dropping feed in a circular pattern, but those people are crazy.

Photographer Russell Bird, who captured the amazing scene, said:"I was quite taken aback. I couldn't believe what I was seeing," he said.

Bizarrely, he then spotted another circle three fields away, but was unable to take a picture with both "formations" lasting around 10 minutes before dispersing.

Estate agent Mr Bird added of the scene in Kington, Herefordshire: "They moved around inside and were almost filling the gaps in.

"The only reason this circle came to an end was that the farmer came in with a tractor and some food."

Did you read that? If you answered, "No, I was too busy digging my tinfoil helmet out of the hall closet", congratulations, there may be hope for you yet.

Forget crop circles - now we've got a mysterious SHEEP circle [mailonline]

Thanks to naas, who's smart enough to keep a roll of industrial strength duct tape by the bedside.

Jun 7 2009 Interwebs: Watch Web Soup Tonight On G4

You know that show The Soup that cuts down a day's worth of teletubes to a 30 minute show? Well now there's one for the interwebs. Web Soup premieres tonight on G4 at 9PM eastern and highlights the best shit on the internut. Plus, it's partially written by Anticlown loyalist and all around captain badass Jonah Ray. Who, I can attest, once joked the tits off a witch. Now I know what you're thinking -- and no, I didn't get paid for this. I'm just hoping that, if I play my cards right, Olivia Munn's ass meets my hand. YOU WILL RETURN MY EMAILS!

Official Site

Jun 7 2009 WoW Gold Farming Website Pays $500K For Tattoo Ad On Adult Film Star's Ample Chest

Russian adult film star Anna Morgan (seen above, possibly named after that chick in The Ring) was paid $500,000 to get a tattoo on her natural DD breasts advertising a World of Warcraft gold-selling website. Ah, capitalism. Also, breast advertisement ever.

The WoW Gold selling website, MyMMOShop.com has paid Russian porn star Anna Morgan to tattoo their company's logo and website URL to her breasts. The company feels that her natural dd sized breasts will provide an ample space for the advertisement. Given the number of films porn stars tend to make in a year's time, the tattoo should be seen many thousands of times. Anna has agreed not to alter the tattoo for at least two years.

Wow, I don't know what to say. This is simultaneously the most brilliant and saddest thing I've ever heard. I don't know whether I should laugh or cry or try to motorboat my monitor. BWUBWUBWUBWWUB! I chose wisely.

Porn Star Paid $500,000 To Tattoo Company URL & Logo To Her DD Breasts [newsguide]

Thanks to Troy, who once ran a Snuggie ad on his junk. The rest, is history.

Jun 7 2009 Geekologie Reader Makes Death Star Grill

Geekologie Reader Bryan, inspired by the post on rejected Star Wars products, went and made a Death Star Grill (complete with Star Destroyer handle!). And I, for one, would slap my Rebel meat all over it.

I started with two Weber grills and used the bottom portions because they were fairly spherical. I welded up the stand and fabricated the vent systems (there is a vent on the bottom also). The inside is painted in barbecue paint so it is safe to cook with. The outside is painted in engine enamel so it should be good to 500 degrees. I know it isn't perfect but it was a fun project. The grill is now up on eBay.com so check it out if you'd like your very own Death Star Grill!

Bidding starts at $50, and the grill is capable of cooking both Endor and dinner. *pew pew* Take that, tauntaun chops!

Hit the jump for another shot and links to Bryan's website and eBay auction.

Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader Makes Death Star Grill "

Jun 6 2009 Screw Productivity: Happy Birthday, Tetris!

Today marks the 25th birthday of Tetris. In its quarter century of service it has been responsible for thirty googlejillion man hours of gameplay and countless drops in productivity. I know I got fired for playing at work once. You hear that, the man? YOU CAN'T HOLD ME DOWN! Happy Birthday, Tetris, this long piece is for you. And by long piece I mean 40. A GLUGLULGLULAGLUG!

At 25, `Tetris' drops into place as gaming icon [yahoonews]

Thanks to Pat, Watch-303, catch22 and /Eyeroll, who don't even bother working at work anymore.

Jun 6 2009 (May) Deter Suitors: Fake Engagement Ring Kit

Ms. Taken is a fake engagement ring that comes in a discreet keychain holder so you can secretly slide it on before some dingdong at the bar tries to talk to you about how much money he makes being a giant effing loser. It costs $50 and I just bought them out. No more fooling me, ladies! Yeah, one time a chick tried to tell me she was engaged with a Ring-Pop on. I asked her who was she engaged to, Candyman? Then she said she'd summon him if I didn't leave so I ran home crying and broke all my mirrors. You know, because I'd hate to have to WHIP HIS WILLY WONKA ASS.

Hit the jump for two shots of the ring and a relatively must-see video ad they made which is a parody of The Lonely Island's Jizz In My Pants. Seriously, how'd that get there?

Continue Reading " (May) Deter Suitors: Fake Engagement Ring Kit "

Jun 6 2009 Yay, Color Choices!: Black Wii To Hit Market

Nintendo plans on releasing a black Wii in Japan sometime this summer and, if successful, it will likely be available in other parts of the world soon afterward. Now I know what you're thinking, and no, it's not gonna be any bigger than a white Wii. Remember: it's not the size of your console it's how you swing the Wiimote. Know what I'm saying? I'm saying I broke a lamp. Ladies?

Nintendo Wii is Coming in Black [walyou]

Jun 6 2009 Ninja Boy Could Use A Few More Lessons

This is ninja boy (think Star Wars boy yet somehow remarkably sadder) filming himself out in the wilderness (read: the local park) pulling off some Rad to the power of Unhealthy ninja moves. It's seven minutes long and BY NO MEANS should you piss away an entire seven minutes of your life watching it all (I did). But he does spice up his maneuvers, so you will want to skip around. And, for as much fun as I want to make of the poor bastard, he could probably kick my ass if I didn't have laser blasters for eyes. But I do. Suck it, ninjard!

Ninja Nerd [liveleak]

Thanks to MoD, who could out-ninja like thirty ninja cats.

Jun 5 2009 Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets

It's Friday, and, since I love you all, how about some sexy Star Trek and Star Wars themed corsets made by Etsy seller Evening Arwen? The Star Trek corsets go for $200 a pop and the Star Wars models (which include the rest of the costumes, but not the actual women), are $500 (trooper) and $600 (Vader). So hit the jump to see them and get all beep boop and blah blah blah is anybody still reading this? No? Okay good. I SAID HIT THE JUMP ALREADY.

Hit the jump. Do it now!

Continue Reading " Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets "

Jun 5 2009 Yay For Holes!: National Doughnut Day

Today is national doughnut day, so get out there and munch on some hole. Almost all doughnut retailers are offering free nuts or other specials to commemorate the occasion.

National Doughnut Day started in 1938 as a fund raiser for the Chicago Salvation Army. Their goal was to help the needy during the Great Depression, and to honor the Salvation Army "Lassies" of World War I, who served doughnuts to soldiers behind the front lines in France.

I went to Dunkin' Donuts earlier this afternoon and they were offering a free donut with the purchase of a drink. So I bough a coffee and started pouring the Irish whiskey. BOOM, an thirty minutes later I'm getting thrown out for making love to this sexy maple-glazed number. What? I'M A VERY SENSUAL PERSON.

Wikipedia

Thanks to T.J. and Jelly Time, who prefer bagels because they don't like sweets.

Jun 5 2009 XM-25 Shoots Laser Guided Exploding Bullets

I haven't decided if the new XM-25 will be a useful weapon against the robotic uprising yet, but I'm leaning towards *pew pew*. Hook me up government, I pay my damn taxes. Well, I did last year anyways.

The system is clever enough to detonate its exploding 25mm bullets within 3 feet of their targets, picking off unfortunate foes with uncanny accuracy, even when they're hiding behind obstacles.

After calculating the target's distance with a laser rangefinder, this lethal weapon sends a radio signal to a chip inside the bullet. That brilliant projectile can precisely measure the distance it's traveled, exploding at precisely the right distance for maximum killage.

Oh shit yeah I need one of these. Maximum killage, that's what I'm talking about. You here that, Skynet -- MAXIMUM KILLAGE. I will ride into battle atop my trusty tyrannosaur steed and pew pew your shit all up. Then, my mount will dine on all the dead Terminators while I reach around him for a job well done.

XM-25 rifle shoots tiny laser-targeted smart bombs [dvice]

Jun 5 2009 Finally, I Can Sleep At Night: Researchers Develop Algorithms To Mimic Water Sounds

The watery sounds you hear in this video were all made using algorithms developed by researchers at Cornell, because, honestly, curing diseases can wait.

Doug James and Changxi Zheng, researchers at Cornell University, have developed a way to simulate the sounds of flowing or dripping water, which in real life are produced by tiny air bubbles that compress and expand due to surface tension, creating sound waves in the water.

So by using the geometry of a 3D scene, the Harmonic Fluids algorithm they developed can calculate where the air bubbles would have been created in real life and how they would have moved, which allows realistic accompanying sounds to be generated.

Now don't get me wrong, that's neat as hell, I just wish they would have made their research a little more useful in the real world. Like, I dunno, developing an algorithm to mimic the mating calls of prehistoric dinosaurs. Am I right? If we're not gonna cure cancer I should at least get laid.

Cornell Researchers Develop Algorithms To Simulate The Sounds Of Fluids [ohgizmo]

Jun 5 2009 I Want: These Custom Metal Gear Solid Shoes

These custom painted Metal Gear Solid shoes were made by UCLA student and artist Jacob Patterson (no relation to Robert Pattinson) and shown off at the E3 convention. I want like four for each foot. You know, because I have big feet. ;) Ladies, that wink was for you.

He is apparently going to talk with Kojima and team to discuss the possibility of mass-producing these shoes via the Puma brand. So if things go well expect to be able to buy these at a store near you sometime in the future!

Well I usually only wear flip flips and aqua socks, but I'd make an exception for these bad boys. And speaking of bad boys -- I've been one lately. Now which one of you lovely ladies wants to ride on my motorcycle. And by motorcycle I mean lawn mower. And by 'ride on' I mean cut the backyard. Any takers? Come on -- I'll make lemonade!

Hit the jump for two closeups.

Continue Reading " I Want: These Custom Metal Gear Solid Shoes "

Jun 5 2009 Search The Interwebs With Microsoft Bing

In an attempt to be one of the last tech websites running this announcement (I like turtles), Microsoft has upgraded their search engine (formerly Windows Live Search and MSN Search), and renamed it Bing. As in Bada-Bing, bing cherry, Bing Crosby, Chandler Bing and bing bing, money ain't a thing. Really?

Bing is specifically designed to build on the benefits of today's search engines but begins to move beyond this experience with a new approach to user experience and intuitive tools to help customers make better decisions, focusing initially on four key vertical areas: making a purchase decision, planning a trip, researching a health condition or finding a local business.

Sooooo, Google is still recommended for searching porno?

Microsoft Bing

Thanks to Teh Awex, Anonymouse and Will, who search the web the old fashioned way, with a Sherlock pipe and magnifying glass.

Jun 5 2009 Who Is That?!: New Zelda Game Concept Art

Although Nintendo didn't actually announce a new Zelda at E3 (but did announce a new Metroid, Super Mario Galaxy and WiiFit), here's some concept art shown by Shigeru Miyamoto to a group of game developers at a following conference.

I don't know about you, but that's no Princess Zelda. Could it be, as so many are speculating, the living incarnation of the Master Sword?

ZOMG -- the master sword chick doesn't have any arms! And I, for one, am not ashamed to admit that I would be totally cool hitting that. Armless swords are people too, you know.

First Look At New Zelda Game's Concept Art [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, who once had sex with a Zora and almost drowned.

Jun 5 2009 Need A Terrible Jabba The Hutt Costume?

If so, you're in luck because the $70 Jabba the Hutt Supreme Edition costume is just that. Jesus, I'd hate to see what the non-supreme edition looks like.

Become one of the richest gangsters of a Galaxy Far, Far Away with the Jabba the Hutt Supreme Edition Costume! This full-body costume will transform you into the famous Hutt with a body piece (complete with tail), headpiece, and a battery-operated fan to keep you cool.

Ha, I've got news for you: no amount of fans is gonna keep you cool if you buy this costume. Unless you somehow finagle some Princess Leia cosplay action out of the deal, in which case, I'm in. Now, GW the Hutt needs some bikini-clad slaves. Ladies?

Product Site
via
Jabba the fursuit [boingboing]

Thanks to Mark, who once bounty hunted the last dinosaur and broke my heart in the process.

Jun 5 2009 NEW MONKEY ISLAND GAME COMING OUT

Let's kick this Friday off right, huh? THERE IS A NEW GAME IN THE MONKEY ISLAND SERIES COMING JULY 7th! Not only that, Lucasarts is releasing a remake of the original Secrets of Monkey Island, also set to drop this summer (for XBox Arcade, PC and Mac). Quick, grog me so we can cheers!

Tales of Monkey Island (PC and WiiWare) will be released in five monthly serials by Telltale Games beginning July 7th in the same fashion as the recenter Sam & Max and Strongbad games. You can preorder now for $35. I just preordered with two different credit cards in case I screwed something up the first time. And I may do it a third just to be safe. Now, granted the style of graphics really isn't my favorite, but that's okay. MONKEY ISLAND, YO! One of the Jonas Brothers could play Guybrush and I'd still buy it. Kidding, I'd cannonball myself in the face.

Hit the jump for two VIDEOS, one about each of the games coming out.

Continue Reading " NEW MONKEY ISLAND GAME COMING OUT "

Jun 4 2009 I Want: Turbo Heather XTreme Racedoll

Why didn't we have cool toys like this when I was growing up? I only had one toy. And now I have wolf palm and bottle-cap glasses.

Look out! Here come the Extreme Radio-Controlled Southern Belles! [dvice]

Thanks to whoever sent me this last week, hit me up again and I'll give you a proper what-for.

Jun 4 2009 Wackjobs Protest EA At E3 Convention

A bunch of protesters were out holding signs against Electronic Arts during the E3 convention because, hey, fundamentalists get bored too, you know. And apparently they don't play video games.

It seems that gaming giant EA, (that's Electronic Anti-Christ for those of you church folk) has angered the religious denizens of LA with its sinfully spectacular title, Dante's Inferno. The 'Go to Hell' tagline seems to the main focus of debate, with angry protesters warning ignorant gamers to steer clear of the title, regarding it as 'tainted' and 'evil.'

"We are on a crusade to stop the blasphemous glorification of HELL and its minions as presented by Dante's Inferno. The ever decaying youth and slovenly adults who engage with Dante's Inferno are a victim of our society's pointless need to flirt with Satan and his lustful campaign to corrupt human souls...We say NO. We say inferNO."

First of all, "blasphemous glorification of hell", really? This isn't Sims: Hell, it's Dante's Inferno. You battle wicked beasts and shit. I can pretty much guarantee nobody is gonna walk away from this game thinking, "you know, hell looks like an alright place". YOU HAVE TO WALK AROUND WITH LIT CHARCOALS IN YOUR ASS. That is not blasphemous glorification. That is burny-ous constipation. Secondly, I don't flirt with Satan no matter how drunk I get. Or how much fiery vaginas he promises.

UPDATE: FAKE! EA viral marketing. Still not buying the game!

Hit the jump for a pretty bitchin' "Trade in your Playstation for a Praystation" sign.

Continue Reading " Wackjobs Protest EA At E3 Convention "

Jun 4 2009 I Like: Conan's New Mario Inspired Backdrop

These are two comparison shots of Conan O'Brien's new Tonight Show stained glass backdrop and the alleged inspiration for said drop. As you can see, it's based on shapes and scenes from the Mushroom Kingdom. So, yeah. I don't watch the Tonight Show though because I go to bed early. Did I say go to bed? I meant pass out drunk. Also, I don't have television. Or internet. So then where do these posts come from? I AM A ROBOT! *BEEP BOP BOOP* TERMINATE, TERMINATE. Kidding! I hate those bastards. And that wasn't a very funny joke to play on you, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better I shit myself writing it.

Conan's New Backdrop Sure Looks Familiar... [gizmodo]

Thanks to Fally, PlayUsOut and Matt, who don't sleep but not because they're vampires. Or are they? Your guess is as good as mine.

Jun 4 2009 Honesty Fail: How Not To Sell A Used iPhone

This is exactly how you don't sell a used iPhone on craigslist. If the phone fell in a puddle of urine but didn't damage the phone YOU DON'T MENTION IT IN THE AD. Trust me, I learned the hard way.

Looking to sell a 1 year old Tokyoflash wristwatch. The watch is in perfect working condition. The only problem is I lost it in my girlfriend for 12 days, but I put soap on it and wrapped it in a napkin. No damage to the watch or screen.

I still have it. Any takers? You smell it you bought it.

Craigslist ad

Thanks to pat, who once sold snow to an Eskimo by threatening the poor bastard with a flamethrower.

Jun 4 2009 UPDATE: David Carradine Found Dead

In case Geekologie is the only site on the interweb you visit (good for you), David Carradine, best known for his role as Shaolin priest Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu and Bill in the Kill Bill series, was found dead by alleged hanging in his hotel room in Bangkok. He was 72.

Carradine was in Bangkok to shoot a movie and had been staying at the hotel since Tuesday.

In all, he appeared in more than 100 feature films with such directors as Martin Scorsese, Ingmar Bergman and Hal Ashby. One of his prominent early film roles was as singer Woody Guthrie in Ashby's 1976 biopic "Bound for Glory."

Hi-ya, David, hi-ya. R.I.P.

UPDATE: Hanging was allegedly accidentally and the result of some eroticness gone wrong. Hey, it's how I want to go.

Actor David Carradine found dead in Bangkok [yahoonews]

Thanks to Gem, Rosswell, Steven, Freddy and Matthew, who have all taken the day off to partake in a Kung Fu marathon.

Jun 4 2009 Boom Drink: How To Make Exploding Cocktails

You just freeze a mint flavored Mento in an ice cube and then make a drink for a friend (read: enemy). Any artificially sweetened soda should work, but preferably something darker so the frozen Mento isn't so obvious. Then, a few minutes later when the Mento is exposed to the soda, BOOOSH! Alternatively, garnish your friend's glass with a live hand grenade.

Mix an Exploding Drink [wired]

Thanks to Towhee Monster, who once bit a Snap-N-Pop to make it explode because she's hardcore.

Jun 4 2009 Playstation Announces Own Motion Controller

Not to be outdone by XBox's announcement of Project Natal, Playstation brought their own motion controller news to E3. But, unlike Project Natal, which motion captures your entire body, the Playstation version relies on a magic dildo. This is a rather long demonstration of the device presented by two Sony engineers (one nervous, one stoned), so feel free to skip around. But not breakfast, that shit's important.

Youtube

Thanks to Mister J, who once kicked Mister T's ass in a gold-off.

Jun 4 2009 Rolls Royce: Now With Automatic Purse Rack

The new Rolls Royce 200EX has an automatic purse holder. And no, it's not the floor (although those work great too and come standard in most cars). There's a video after the jump that you have to see to believe, but basically a little gripper arm automatically tightens against the purse to ensure your diamonds and gold bars don't fall out during travel. It's stupid. Because when I'm rich enough for a Rolls Royce I'll be damned if I'm carrying my own purse. No, it will be traveling in it's own Rolls Royce. Inside a diamond airplane. Made of platinum. Don't question my logic, peasant.

Hit the jump for a short video of the 'just another thing to break' in action.

Continue Reading " Rolls Royce: Now With Automatic Purse Rack "

Jun 3 2009 Miss Atom 2009: Nuclear Power In My Pants

So apparently Russia has been holding the Miss Atom contest since 2004 and I have yet to be a guest judge. That's some sauce, Russia. Vodka sauce. Anyways, here is Miss Atom 2009, Yekaterina Bulgakova, who was picked out of the 350 contestants that all work in the Russian nuclear power sector. Nice. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I was hoping for three boobs too.

Official Site
via
Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009 [mosnews]

Thanks to Void, who slept with like thirty of the contests and now glows in the dark.

Jun 3 2009 This Is Important: Cat Crawling Into A Couch

This is by far the most important thing you'll watch all day (suck it, the news!). It's a kitten crawling into a couch. I love how its little legs are poking out before it can pull itself in. Did it remind anyone else of a calf being born, but in reverse? No? Fine, me neither then. Dicks.

Youtube

Thanks to Sophia, who knows important shit when she sees it.

Jun 3 2009 "The Ducks Are Not Mine": David Thorne (The Seven Legged Spider Drawer) Is Back At It

It's hard to top the seven legged spider debacle, but David Thorne took another stab at it when he was notified by his landlord that he is not allowed to have pets in his apartment. David has definitely got some funny stuff in there, but the best part is the last email sent by the landlord. Hit the jump to see the whole series of correspondence. It's long, but worth it. Like me.

Hit it.

Continue Reading " "The Ducks Are Not Mine": David Thorne (The Seven Legged Spider Drawer) Is Back At It "

Jun 3 2009 Just Doing My Job: 2009 Pole Dancing Contest

NOTE: Probably NSFW just because most employers frown on videos of dancers working the pole, but there is no nudity or even thongs, so yeah, use your own discretion (read: push play).

No need to thank me folks, just doing my job. Also, I saw things happen in this video that I didn't think were humanly possible (mostly towards the end). Beautiful things. Think a family of unicorns cresting a double rainbow on the first day of spring, but then replace that with a stripper throwing her hooha around a pole and you've got it.

Youtube

Thanks to Party Kid Transformer and Julia, who can perform all these stunts without the pole because they're both powerful sorcerers.

Jun 3 2009 Damnit Obama, Accept My Friend Request

We've already featured some fake celebrity Facebook pages on Geekologie, so why not the president's? Yes, why not the president's? That's something I ask my self everyday just once a few minutes ago. Also, if you haven't already joined the Geekologie page on Facebook, you are no innovator. You are a laggard. And, if you know anything about the Everett Rogers Diffusion of Innovation theory, that's the worst kind. Now I know what you're thinking, "Holy shit, the Geekologie Writer must have like thirty genius brains", but you're wrong, I have an infinity. Times infinity. Kidding, totally think with my junk.

Hit the jump to see the whole profile, which may or not feature Kim Jong-il riding a missile (it does).

Continue Reading " Damnit Obama, Accept My Friend Request "

Jun 3 2009 Retro Styling: Cassette Tape Wallets

These cassette tape wallets from designbloom are wallets made out of old cassette tapes. Pretty clever, but they cost $43. So if you've ever wanted to try making something yourself, now's your chance. Just make me one. With a Def Leppard tape. Bitchin'? BITCHIN'!

cassette wallet [designboom]

Thanks to phil, who keeps his money in his socks BECAUSE HE'S OLDSCHOOL.

Jun 3 2009 For Questionable Sale: Ghosts In Bottles

Want a pet ghost but too big a wuss to kill somebody in your own house? Well you're in luck, because now you can buy bottled ghosts for a scant $20. Just don't drink them!

Each Ghost is captured from a reported haunted establishment, (house, hotel, ship, cemetery, etc), by our Ghost Hunters.

We seal the ghost in it's own bottle. The bottle is sealed for your protection.

You may release the Ghost at your own discretion and at your own risk.

The Ghost in the Bottle is contained mysteriously and is therefore sealed with wax shortly after the Ghost is caught. The bottle is sealed for your protection. It comes with very important information . We supply the Ghost, you supply the name. Individual Ghost experiences may vary as "Each Ghost is Unique"!

Pfft, bottled ghosts. Like a ghost couldn't get out of a damn waxed bottle if it wanted to. THEY'RE NOT GENIES YOU IDIOTS. I swear, some people don't know supernatural shit.

Product Site

Thanks to Roger, who actually has a genie in a bottle and her name is Christina.

Jun 2 2009 Best Website EVER (Geekologie Excluded)

Explosionsandboobs.com is just that. Explosions. And. Boobs. That's it. Every time you visit you get one shot of an explosion and one of sweater melons. Nothing to read (minus "and"), just awesomesauce in its rawest form. BOOM! Boobs. Just like that.

Explosionsandboobs

Thanks to jonat8han, who has a crazy ass numeral in the middle of his name. And to D-Bizz, who doesn't.

Jun 2 2009 XBox's Project Natal: You ARE The Controller

XBox announced Project Natal at E3 yesterday and, hooray. Basically it's a video camera capable of full-body tracking so that you can punch and kick and break your television to your heart's content. This is a video of the possibilities. Also, there's another video after the jump that introduces Milo, which appears to be some kind of pedo-program that makes it easier to troll the interweb for 12-year old boys. Because, let's face it, AOL chatrooms are beat, yo.

Hit the jump for the other video that made no sense and not just because I stopped paying attention and went to heat my burrito (ladies?) after thirty seconds.

Continue Reading " XBox's Project Natal: You ARE The Controller "

Jun 2 2009 Winner Of Baby Race Crawls For Laptop

First of all, I bet on baby races all the time ($40 on the bald one with a dirty diaper). And secondly, Kajus Aukščionis recently won a Lithuanian baby race and is a super fast crawler. Not as fast as me, but I have a special skill set. But what gets young Kajus crawling so fast? Laptops. The little haxor loves those things and bolts to them whenever he sees one. It's true, I heard one time he shat through his diaper in Best Buy he was so excited.

Lithuanian Baby Racing Champion Mired In Performance-Enhancing Laptop Scandal [gizmodo]

Thanks to ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, who may or may not have fallen asleep at the keyboard.

Jun 2 2009 For The Ladies: Reader's Sweet Zelda Tattoo

In a power move to impress Zelda tattoo girl (she's mine!), Geekologie Reader Erik got a badass Zelda tattoo of his own. Which, I think we can all agree, contrasts the flaming skull beautifully.

Thanks to Ronni and Erik, who know swinging a master sword and yelling is the way to any woman's heart.

Jun 2 2009 Literal Video: Total Eclipse Of The Heart

This is a literal video for Bonnie Tyler's 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt the 80's were wack as a mother. Of course, current music videos could be just as weird, but I don't watch MTV because I'm not in middle school anymore. Kidding, cable got cut off.

Total Eclipse spoof [dailymotion]

Thanks to shane, who literally video'd himself banging his girlfriend.

Jun 2 2009 PEW PEW!: World's Strongest Laser Unveiled

The world's strongest laser was unveiled in California last week. It's not actually a single laser though, it's 192 individual ones all focused on the same spot. Cheating! It's going to be used to ensure the US nuclear weapon stockpile is still functional in case Russia starts bitching out. Also, some space shit.

The super laser, officially known as the National Ignition Facility, was unveiled Friday before thousands of people at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.

Beginning next year scientists will use the laser for experiments aimed at creating controlled fusion reactions similar to those found in the sun.

"More energy will be produced by this ignition process than the amount of laser energy required to start it. This is the long-sought goal of energy gain that has been the goal of fusion researchers for more than half a century," said NIF director Edward Moses.

'National Ignition Facility'? That's the worst name ever. Why wasn't there a contest to get to name the thing? Because it'll always be the PEWINATOR to me. Which, haha, is the same thing I named my junk penis. But seriously, don't stare directly at it.

World's strongest laser unveiled at Calif. lab [sfgate]

Thanks to Watch-303, catch22, Luis, Doug, Hunter and Phil, who did stare directly at it and paid the price. $10.

Jun 2 2009 Mmmm: Poisonous Snake-Bitten Chicken

Apparently poisonous snake-bitten chicken is a popular dish in a parts of China, but it's coming under the heat for being cruel and unusual deliciousness.

Chinese health authorities are putting a stop to restaurants serving chickens which have been bitten to death by poisonous snakes and cooked up for a supposedly detoxing meal.

The dish, served by a small number of eateries in the southern province of Guangdong and the southwestern city of Chongqing, has generated a storm of publicity and controversy in the Chinese media and amongst bloggers.

Wow, that's pretty effed up. Like eating dried tiger penis just so you can pop a boner -- but with even more snake. HIYO!

China puts a stop to snake-bitten cock-in-a-pot [yahoonews]

Thanks to Ken, who once bit a poisonous snake's head off and sucked the venom out just for the hell of it.

Jun 1 2009 Boom Shacka Lacka!: The New PSP Go

This is the new PSP. It's called the PSP Go. You know, because it's portable. It may or may not come preloaded with porn. Specs? I has them:

* 3.8-inch display (resolution is undisclosed)
* 43 percent lighter than the PSP-3000
* 16GB of Flash storage
* Bluetooth built-in; supports handset tethering and BT headsets
* No UMD drive
* Memory Stick Micro slot
* New Gran Turismo, Little Big Planet and new Metal Gear Solid (!) on the way
* Full PlayStation Network support (movie and TV rentals / purchases)
* Integration with PlayStation 3 (works the same as the PSP-3000 does)
* Sony views each of its products as "10-year lifecycle products," so the PSP "needs to live on."

Well, what do you think? I like the sliding feature, that's not necessary. Also, PSP Go -- really? I hope nobody got paid to come up with that. Because it's stupid. I would have gone with PSP You Can Take It With You.

Sony's PSP Go leaks out before E3, is obviously a go [engadget]

Thanks to obi jwan and Rik, who don't need portable gaming devices because they only play mind games.

Jun 1 2009 Still A Virgin: Sale Of Purity Falls Through

Remember that 22-year old chick that was auctioning off her virginity? Well the winning $3.8 million was placed by an Australian real estate mogul. Unfortunately, he's bailing out of the deal. Why? His wife won't let him do it!

Natalie Dylan (not her real name) admitted the deal had fallen through.

Last week, she got a phone call from the rogue Romeo, a 38-year-old Australian real-estate businessman, who said he had to back out.

"I told him to go back into marriage therapy," sniped Dylan.

The Aussie cad then sheepishly asked for his $250,000 deposit back. Dylan said no hard feelings; it would be returned.

That's just like a wife to go and not let her husband bang some 22-year old virgin. I swear, women.

'DEFLOWER DEAL' GUY PULLS OUT [nypost]

Thanks to 42 y/o undead warlock, who doesn't have to pay for sex because he creates busty nymphs with his undead warlock powers. Oh oh, make me one!

Jun 1 2009 New Yorker Cover Painted On iPhone

This is a video of Jorge Columbo (not to be confused with Peter Falk) painting the cover of the latest New Yorker, which was created using a $4 iPhone app called Brushes. As you can see, it's okay. Don't get me wrong, I love all hotdog vendors, but I would have gone with Ignatius dressed as a pirate. Paradise Vending FTW? Dunces FTW!

Cover Story: Finger Painting [newyorker]

Thanks to e, who knows the only iPhone app you need is Scramble.

Jun 1 2009 OM NOM NOM: Pac-Man Candy

Want to pound some turdy looking power pellets? Then buy this $12 set of Pac-man candy and rot your teeth out! Then go to the dentist to get them fixed. But don't forget to bring a hidden camera in case he tries to grope you while you're out.