May 31 2009 Awwwh, I Want A Million!: Pygmy Jerboas
Pygmy jerboas are probably the cutest things I've ever seen. And this is coming from a guy who saw a bunny nurse an orphaned squirrel and three ducklings, so yeah.
Youtube
Thanks to taby and Andrew, who had like 1,000 pygmy jerboas and still had room for dessert.
May 31 2009 Custom Optimus Prime Ring Has Ruby Eyes
This is a fully custom Optimus Prime ring created by deviantartist =Dans-Magic for a client. BLING BLING YOU DECEPTICON MOTHAJAMMERS!
A 14k custom piece. 50 hours from start to finish.
didnt want to put in the rubies but he wanted them. Originally I had carved the triangle eye sockets but it got wiped out with the setting of the stones.I molded it to make some without stones (stones optional)
Awesome, I want one for every finger. So seven. Damn you, shop class!
Hit the jump for a another shot of the ring and what it looks like made as a pendant.
Continue Reading " Custom Optimus Prime Ring Has Ruby Eyes "
May 31 2009 Sweet!: Plant Some Trees, Grow A Chair
The Growing Chair is a clear plastic frame in which you grow trees to form a seat shape so that, in your old age, you can sit around drinking moonshine and reminiscing on the days when you had to use power tools to make a chair (or were Amish). Personally, I love the idea BECAUSE I AM ONE WITH GAIA. And by one with Gaia I mean a nudist. Except I wear jean shorts.
Hit the jump for another picture.
May 30 2009 Own Your Very Own (Miniature) Bat Signal
Want your own miniature bat signal? Now's your chance -- a limited edition of 500 are being sold for $260 from Entertainment Earth.
The miniature replica Bat-Signal features a sturdy metal construction and stands about 12-inches tall. It's got a built-in cooling fan and can be swiveled and tilted to give you the best shot at making contact with the Dark Knight. Of course, since the light can only project the Bat symbol about 16-feet, don't expect him to show, unless he happens to live in your bedroom closet.
Now I'm not saying you should cut a bat out of black contact paper and slap it on a pre-existing lamp, but, I mean, recession. $4 bat signal: 1, $260 bat signal: 3. Wait a minute -- 3? Damn you, style points!
desktop bat-signal hails bugs not bats [technabob]
May 30 2009 She Laid An Egg!: A Cute Yoshi Nursery
This is a cute Yoshi nursery made by Flickr user meadblog for his first little bundle of pain joy. And, according to a recent study conducted by yours truly, raising your child in a video game-themed nursery helps the youngster develop better hand eye coordination and ability to pwn others in the future. Isn't that right, little Geekologie Jr.? "pew pew!" Awh, that's my boy!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to his Flickr gallery, with has a ton of work-in-progress pictures.
May 29 2009 Make Anything Taste Delicious: Baconnaise
I've known about Baconnaise for a while but I've been getting this tip pretty steadily for like a year now so I guess I can't keep it all to myself anymore. Baconnaise: bacon flavored mayonnaise. From J&D foods (who also make bacon lube and BaconSalt (see the salt after the jump), a 3-pack of 15-ounce jars in on sale from Amazon for the low, low artery clogging price of $11. And with the combined power of Baconnaise and Baconsalt, you really can make anything taste like bacon! And I do mean anything. Oh hoooooney!
Hit the jump to see the salt.
Continue Reading " Make Anything Taste Delicious: Baconnaise "
May 29 2009 Mega Man In Partial 3-D: Mega Man 2.5D!
This is a little video demo of Mega Man 2.5D, which is a Mega Man game in partial 3-D that I believe some guy is actually making. Which....is it wrong I got a boner? Wait -- don't answer, I want to savor this.
Hit the jump for another, longer video.
Continue Reading " Mega Man In Partial 3-D: Mega Man 2.5D! "
May 29 2009 Geekologie Reader Makes Himself Lightsaber
Geekologie Reader Ike, the same one who successfully played poker on a roller coaster, went and made himself a lightsaber. Although, truthfully, it was modeled after Travis Touchdown's beam katana from No More Heroes. Ike made me promise not to tell you how he made it, but suffice it to say there were lasers and smoke and selling your soul to a sorcerer involved.
Here's a real fun tidbit- with enough money (I think about $600) I could make this sucker burn. That's right! Fully functional lightsaber! It also extends and spins. Woot.
Nice, Ike, I want one. Except mine MUST be of the burning variety. How else am I gonna start a fire while camping -- rubbing two sticks together? Pfft, what do I look like, a cub-scout? I AM ALL MAN-SCOUT! Don't believe me? I've humped bears before. Haha -- admit it, Yogi!
Hit the jump for a couple videos of the saber/katana in action, including one with some Travis Touchdown cosplay.
Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader Makes Himself Lightsaber "
May 29 2009 Archie Is Set To Marry....Veronica (Black Hair)
Archie, after like a million years of trying to bone both Veronica and Betty, is committing himself to one woman, Veronica. *sniff* Don't do it bro, don't do it. Why buy the cow when you can do everything on the farm, know what I'm saying? I'm talking goats and shit.
In what's being billed the "Archie Story of the Century," perennially indecisive loverboy Archie Andrews has finally chosen the raven-haired Veronica Lodge over sunny girl-next-door Betty Cooper, according to the official Archie Comics website.
"Could it be true? Has Archie finally decided to take the plunge and propose to comics' favourite rich girl? It sure looks that way!" read a note posted online Wednesday.
Sure it looks that way, but nothing is what it seems...IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE *dum dum dum -- doot doot dum dum dum dum dum!*. The whole fiasco will be spread out over six comics (issues # 600-605) and culminate in Veronica catching Archie and Betty together (in a sexually suggestive situation) the night before their wedding and then locking the two in a hotel room and burning the building to the ground. The last panel will be Veronica giving Jughead a little hand action in the car while a fire engine races past.
Archie shocker: Comic book hero picks Veronica [cbanews]
Thanks to spiderkitten, who totally agrees I'd make a great comic book writer.
May 29 2009 46-Foot Long Self-Supporting LEGO Bridge
In an attempt to create the world's longest self-supporting LEGO bridge, a group of LEGOphiles in Australia have constructed this 46-foot long behemoth as part of the 2009 Australia Model Railway Expo. Now I'm not suggesting we start building real bridges out of LEGO, but I mean, we definitely should. And, to give you an idea of just how large this thing is, it's 46-feet. That's like ten of my penises laid out. Widthwise. Lad-- no?
Hit the jump for two more shots.
Continue Reading " 46-Foot Long Self-Supporting LEGO Bridge "
May 29 2009 Fried Footwear: Mmmm, Bacon Loafers
These are bacon loafers by Keds. They are fully customizable by choosing different colors for the thread, elastic, midsole, etc., and will set you back $60 (I made these ones as bacon-y as possible and if you argue that I should have made the elastic red instead of pink you're wrong, pink is the color of raw bacon and I love it). Unfortunately, it appears they're only available in women's sizes (because women love sizzling meat -- am I right, girls?), which is a problem seeing how I'm a size 12 *wink*. Long story short, I'm sawing all my toes off.
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need to buy a woman bacon shoes to get his meat around her feet. YOW YOW!
May 29 2009 On Call: Dustbot Comes To Collect Garbage
Well folks, it looks like we're starting Friday off entirely wrong with only stories from the robot front. I recommend running out for beer now so you can stay safely tucked away in your robot-shelter all weekend building a powerful burning laser blaster. I'm not even kidding. Anyway, this is the Dustbot from Italy -- it comes to haul your refuse away. AND YOUR CHILDREN. MWUAHAHAHHAHAHA! What the hell's wrong with me?
The Dustbot can be summoned to your address through a mobile phone any time of the day.
The robot works with a combination of GPS navigation and with a gyroscope to keep it upright. There are also a number of sensors on the machine so it does not bump into anything.Dustbot's inventors say they hope it will put an end to fixed times for rubbish collection and they say it is designed to work in tightly packed urban areas where large refuse trucks find it difficult to operate.
Anybody here live in Italy? Great, now I know this might sound crazy, but I want you to hear me out. I want you to call the Dustbot to your house. Still with me? Take a deep breath, you can change your drawls later. Now listen: when the Dustbot arrives I want you to pack that bitch full of explosives and kick it off a cliff into the ocean after chumming the water real good to attract sharks. TA-DA! -- two birds stoned at once.
Dustbot the street cleaning robot [bbcnews]
Thanks to Dave Fancypants, who has Bedazzled the hell out of every pair of jeans he owns.
May 29 2009 No, No, No: Japanese Killer Construction Bot
Wow, they're not even trying to make them look cute anymore. The Japanese born ROBOTOPS is a construction robot whose name is spelled in all caps because IT MEANS BUSINESS. The killing business.
The four-legged, two-armed robot is actually a kind of automated mobile crane with 29 functioning joints for picking off humans, and of course the occasional piece of construction material.
Using a high quality three-chip CCD camera, the robot can be operated remotely for particularly dangerous jobs.
And no, I didn't alter that quote at all. Finally, people are starting to get the picture. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one that sees a problem here. Seriously, Japan -- you know I love you (manga, sushi, worn panty vending machines), but this shit has got to stop. Because if not, well, Godzilla. Just sayin', we share a special bond (read: intercourse).
Japanese construction firm unleashes insectoid robot crane on humanity [dvice]
Thanks to cougar78, Aaron and John, who know the only good robots are the little guys from Batteries Not Included. Am I right? No, that was a test and you all failed.
May 28 2009 The Worst And Saddest Of Yahoo! Answers
Okay, this one is actually legit, but everything after the jump isn't. They're the kind of questions that make you want to bathe with a toaster (or SPOILER ALERT: poisonous jellyfish). I assume some of them are fake, but I sadly guarantee a good portion are serious. And, well, *pouring out a little liquor* it's been real, humanity.
Hit it for a dozen or so of the worst questions ever asked.
Continue Reading " The Worst And Saddest Of Yahoo! Answers "
May 28 2009 Where Are These Flying Cats Coming From?
China. They all seem to come from China. And let me tell you something: I'm sure as hell not eating the cat food there.
A kitty in Chongqing, China, is getting some extra-special attention these days: The furry feline has developed wings! Though born looking completely normal, once the cat hit the age of 1, he began growing wing-shaped appendages on either side of his spine.
According to the Telegraph's report, scientists believe the appendages developed due to grooming habits, a genetic defect or a hereditary skin condition.
Nice one, scientists. How about you just admit you have no effing clue. That said, I change my mind about not eating Chinese cat food (zing, local Chinese restaurant). I'm gonna grow wings! Climb aboard ladies, I'll take you places no other woman has ever been. The moon! My bedroom. Washed the dinosaur sheets just for you baby. Also, I have a mini-fridge. With snacks.
Cat in China grows a pair of wings [msnbc]
Thanks to Sharkey and Paul, who are holding out for flying dogs like that funky bitch Falcore the Luck Dragon from The Neverending Story.
May 28 2009 It Adds Excitment: Chess On Rollercoasters
Chess on rollercoasters is a phenomenon allegedly started by another xkcd cartoon (which you can see by clicking the link or hitting the jump). It's probably old as all hell and I should be beat mercilessly between your breasts as punishment. Go ahead, I can take it. *BWUBWUBWUBWWUB!* I deserved that. Oh, and you might want to keep those out, I feel an old streak coming on. Holy shit -- hands painted like animals!
Hit the jump for the cartoon and several others, including one with a bikini and one with some Jenga action going on because I roll deeper than the Marianas Trench.
Continue Reading " It Adds Excitment: Chess On Rollercoasters "
May 28 2009 Pfft, I Can Do That: Wicked Ninja Moves
This is a video of some guy named Damien Walters pulling off all sorts of real-life ninja/superhero moves. It is the perfect blend of amazing gynmastics and homoeroticism. Dude kind of reminds me of Wolverine, but without the adamaluminum (was that sacrilegious?) claws. He does all kinds of ridiculously ridiculous things, but I particularly liked the car trick at 0:45. You see that? Suck it, Bo Duke!
Thanks to Harry, who can do all those moves times ten. Blindfolded. With Yoda on his back.
May 28 2009 Bottle 'Staches: For Those Who Can't Commit
Can't commit to growing a sweet freaking mustache? Or maybe you just can't grow facial hair? Whatever the case, these Pops Staches from Shane Blomberg, Andrew Reeves and John Healy may be for you. You just pick a style, attach it to your favorite soda, and never be caught not holding the soda to your lips. This just in: work great on 40's too! Awesome. But personally, I rock a traditional handlebar. Which, due to its inherent danger, you must be this tall *flailing arms* to ride. Ladies?
Hit the jump for a picture of the different styles and a closeup.
Continue Reading " Bottle 'Staches: For Those Who Can't Commit "
May 28 2009 Frickin' Huge!: Full-Size Blue Whale Website
This full-sized blue whale website comes to us from the Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society that urges everyone to "EAT MOR CHIKIN". Kidding, those are the Chick-Fil-A cows. Damn, now I want a sandwich. Ladies? Anyway, the website was designed to give the average computer user a sense of awe for just how large the sandwich you better be making me should be. Crazy, huh? Those whales are huuuuuuge. And as a guy whose had his fair share of BBW lovers: motion of the ocean, baby. I don't even know what that means, but I just bought a sailboat!
Thanks to Shelby, who is a special f/x artist and could make even me look cool. On fire. While exploding. Riding a shark.
May 28 2009 Those Look Fragile: Eggshell Speakers
A guy named Gomhi (who may or may not own chickens) went and made himself some speakers out of a pair of eggshells and Hi-Vi B1S drivers. As you can see, they probably remind you of boobs. Because you're a serious pervert (no amateurs here!). Blah blah blah [insert joke about being careful not to fry your speakers here]. Blogging: I am good at it.
Amazing DIY speakers made of eggshells [dvice]
Thanks to Octopus Pie, anon and Shelly, who prefer their speakers with a side of bacon.
May 28 2009 Okay?: Another Day, Another Glowing Animal
Well scientists have already created glowing dogs and cats, so it was only a matter of time before somebody did a monkey. Nice, guy, thanks for the AIDS.
Though primates that make a glowing protein have been created before, these are the first to keep the change in their bloodlines.
Although the work demonstrates the principle that a gene can be introduced into a primate bloodline, study co-author Hideyuki Okano of the Keio University School of Medicine said it may not be suitable for studying all diseases.That limitation is about 10,000 bases, or letters, of the genetic code. That upper bound will constrain the diseases that can be studied.
Great, so we've got more glowing animals with the promise of help curing disease. Well hurry up and cure one already! I'm starting to think these "scientists" are just making glowing pets to bring home to their daughters. Which, I think we can all agree, is despicable (glowing dinosaur, pronto). You can't hide from me, little Anchisaur!
Glowing monkeys 'to aid research' [bbcnews]
Thanks to Matt, who, LOOK BEHIND YOU - A THREE HEADED MONKEY! (swish)
May 27 2009 Runpee: It Is Now Safe To Leave The Theater
Runpee.com is a website database of movies currently in the theater with notations that let you know when it's a good time to run to the bathroom. As you can see, this is the runpee chart for Terminator Salvation, which features several opportunities to drain your dragon. Of course, some would argue any time is good because the movie sucked. I wouldn't know, I haven't seen it BECAUSE I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE SLEEPING ALREADY. Also, I don't like leaving my seat during a movie, so you know what I do? I use a catheter. Except I definitely don't because I would pass out from the thought before I even had my pants down. Which is why the last movie I saw in the theater was Cars. Not even kidding.
Thanks to Randi, who just asks for an empty cup from the concession stand.
May 27 2009 Impressive: Heroes/Lonely Island Mashup
NOTE: Probably NSFW due to lyrics.
This is mashup of scenes from Heroes with the song "Jizz in my Pants" by the Lonely Island. Whoever made it did a damn good job. Also, there's a different one after the jump in case this one wasn't enough for you. But if I'm not enough for you, well, you've got problems. After all, I AM the world's greatest lov...OH OH! *Zzzzzzzzz*
Hit the jump for the other one. But not too fast!
Continue Reading " Impressive: Heroes/Lonely Island Mashup "
May 27 2009 It's About Time: A Quality Zombie Jello Mold
Tired of trying to make zombie Jello molds out of aluminum foil? Well crinkle no more my friends, ThinkGeek is finally selling a quality zombie mold! It costs $15 and isn't dishwasher safe, but don't let that stop you from putting it in there anyway! You just tell that Maytag piece of shit the Geekologie Writer told you to! I'll tell you what though -- the results look delicious, don't they? I know what I'm getting my son for his birthday -- a new mommy!
Hit the jump for one more shot which, despite adjusting the brightness and contrast, I couldn't make any more cleavage-y. Buy hey, I tried. Remember: I'm here for you.
Continue Reading " It's About Time: A Quality Zombie Jello Mold "
May 27 2009 House From Ferris Bueller's Day Off For Sale
The Highland Park, Illinois home of Ferris Bueller's best friend Cameron is currently available for $2.3 million if you're interested. The house is best known for its cantilevered plate-glass garage that Cameron sends his dad's Ferrari through after kicking the shit out of it.
The Ben Rose Home - site of the famous movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Cantilevered over the ravine, these two steel and glass buildings - which can never be duplicated - have incredible vistas of the surrounding woods. This is a unique property designed by A. James Speyer and David Haid, both notable architects of the 20th Century.
Anybody seriously interested? And if so, want to adopt a blogger? Just saying, I'll do the dishes. And, hopefully, the maid. Pool boy too!
Ferris Bueller's Ferrari House For Sale [retrothing]
Thanks to wulk, who knows that people who live in glass houses shouldn't own Ferraris.
May 27 2009 What, No D20?: The Dice Rolling Machine
The Dice-O-Matic is used to roll dice for online games hosted by GamesByEmail so that there are actually physical dice being used instead of a program. The 7 foot tall, 104 pound machine produces over 1.3 million die rolls a day, about 80,000 of which are used for games. The rest are all in vain. And speaking of in vein: alcohol, that's where it belongs.
Industrial Dice Rolling Machine [ohgizmo]
May 27 2009 Hmm: Birds As Smart As Monkeys, Toddlers
In an experiment that helps prove some birds are smarter than they'd look in the bottom of a KFC bucket, a British rook was able to make a tool (hook) in order to accomplish a task (score worms). Allegedly, this puts them on par with monkeys and toddlers. But I haven't seen any toddlers making tools. Just stools. Yeah, in their pants. Birds: 1, toddlers: 0.
They were presented with a small bucket of wriggling worms out of reach at the end of a tube, and next to it a piece of straight wire.
Remarkably, despite never having seen the set-up before, they immediately got to work bending the wire so they could hook out the bucket and tuck in.Unlike most animals which learn tricks through trial and error, they solved the problem immediately and, since they were raised in captivity, had no other birds to show them how to do it.
Just what I've been waiting for. Now I'm going to use a flock of rooks to finally rob the local bank. God knows the squirrels couldn't do it. Could you, you stupid tree rats? I swear, one of you spots a nut and you act like it's the first time you showered with daddy.
Hit the jump for a couple more action shots and a video.
Continue Reading " Hmm: Birds As Smart As Monkeys, Toddlers "
May 27 2009 Avery Labels In Cahoots With Tyler Durden?
This is a real package of Avery shipping labels and, as you can see, they've been sending packages to Tyler Durden. It's not Photohaxored either because you can see another picture at their official product site. So, apparently somebody at Avery has a sense of humor (and a bong). Or is going to help bomb a bunch of credit card companies. Quick, somebody call the FBI! *checking credit card balance* Cancel that -- let's see how this plays out.
Picture
and
Product Site
Thanks to biggity2bit, who feels like destroying something beautiful.
May 27 2009 Physics Equation Tattoos Are So In Right Now
This guy got the Born Oppenheimer Approximation, 3-D Schrödinger Equation and Schrödinger Equation's solution permanently inked on his back. Well, what do you think? Because I'd hit that like a Higgs boson. MEOW! Uh-oh, Schrödinger's Cat -- it's out of the bag!
Does this Physics Tattoo Make this Man the Biggest Nerd on Earth or Hottest Geek Alive? [gizmodo]
Thanks to Sarah, who said she'd do him like a school marm. I don't even know what that means, Sarah, but I think I want in.
May 26 2009 Questionable: The Outdoor Dog Crap Flusher
The Powerloo is an outdoor dog crap flusher that ties into your home plumbing's sewer line and flushes special biodegradable bags of dog shit down the drain so you don't step in it while you're playing badminton with Bubbles and the gang. It costs $1000.
The Powerloo: pick it up, flush it down! Pick up your dog waste, hands free and flush it away with the Powerloo.
Did that make any sense? Does having a bag over your arm constitute hands free? Because if not, when was the last time you saw a bag of dog shit walk across the lawn and throw itself away? Exactly, that summer you tried PCP. The prosecution rests.
Product Site
via
Powerloo dog toilet won't teach Fido to flush [dvice]
May 26 2009 Sneak Preview: The Third Generation Kindle?
This is a sneak preview of the 3rd generation Kindle robot book. It's pretty much exactly what I expect to see Amazon roll out next year. And speaking of rolling out -- transform! I said transform! *touching breast* Stupid mannequin.
The Kindle 3 [collegehumor]
Thanks to Julian, who never learned to read and is already on the waiting list.
May 26 2009 Artist Folds Paper To Create Pictures
German artist Simon Schubert folds pieces of paper into beautiful pictures of, uh, stairwells. Each piece takes about a week's worth of work and can sell for up to $6,000. *gathering neighborhood kids in a wagon* Arts and crafts time at the Geekologie Writer's house!
"Most of the people who see the work are surprised that the pictures are created by folding paper, they don't believe it when I tell them.
"Many of them think I've used paint or pencil to create the affect of light and shade. But when they realise the pictures are actually folded they are quite impressed."
Impressive, Simon, it's too bad I'm about to flood the market with child-folded ripoffs! Isn't that right, kids? Kids? *dink dink dittle dee dink dittle dee dink dee dink dee dink * DAMN YOU, ICE CREAM VAN!
Hit the fold for a bunch more.
May 26 2009 Om Nom Nom: The iPod Shuffle Bacon Case
In a recent interview, I got God to admit that bacon is, in fact, the perfect food, followed distantly by Snack Pack Pudding and Fruit Roll-Ups. So it only makes sense to swaddle your iPod Shuffle in the stuff, right? Enter the $19 Bacon Bits Case by Etsy seller Antjes. Too expensive? Find out where to score that bacon-print felt and make them yourself! Hell, you could make anything! Including, but not limited to: breakfast. What can I say, I like a little fur on my meat. Ladies?
Hit the jump for a couple more shots.
Continue Reading " Om Nom Nom: The iPod Shuffle Bacon Case "
May 26 2009 Not Surprised: Ninja Turtle Notoriety Charts
I can honestly say I'm surprised the numbers for renaissance artists aren't even lower. Because one time when I was substitute teaching for a class of fourth graders I asked who sculpted David and the only response was from a girl who asked if that was the one with the penis. I said yes and then they all started chanting I was gay.
Ninja Turtles [xkcd]
Thanks Andrew, who once cowabunga'ed two chicks at once in the Party Wagon.
May 26 2009 13,500 Pages Of Data Etched On A 3" Disk
The Rosetta Disk is a 3" nickel disk that has been etched with over 13,500 pages of information on how to read and understand the world's languages in case aliens get tired of sticking things up our butts and want to get their learn on. It represents over 1,500 languages and requires a 500x microscope to read a single page. You hear that, aliens -- don't forget your microscopes (read: leave the probes at home).
Hit the jump for a close-up that isn't close enough.
Continue Reading " 13,500 Pages Of Data Etched On A 3" Disk "
May 26 2009 Modern Fossils: When A Dino Bone Won't Do
Christopher Locke makes modern fossils using gadgets of yesteryear and concrete. Then he sells them to make a profit because he's smart and doesn't want to hold a real job. I'm with you, Chris.
The modern Fossils are made from actual archaic technology that was once cutting-edge. Most of these examples were discovered in the United States, although the various species are represented all over the world.
In a special process, these items are reproduced in a proprietary blend of concrete and other secret ingredients, giving them the look and feel of real stone fossils. Each fossil is made one at a time, by hand, in an individual mold.
Depending on the species, expect to pay between $65-$100 per fossil. Or, make your own with a bag of concrete and a broken controller. Here, I'll even give away Chris's secret ingredients: rocks and sand. GO GO GO!
Hit the jump to see a bunch more and a link to the product page.
Continue Reading " Modern Fossils: When A Dino Bone Won't Do "
May 26 2009 Highly Questionable: Retro Star Trek Drawls
It's not dreaming about Spock staring at you in your skivvies with a quizzical smirk that bothers me, it's the fact that somebody might actually pay $75 for 34-year old USED underwear. What is this, Japan? Kidding -- you know I love you Japan!
Thanks darkfall13, and to answer your question: frightening.
May 25 2009 The Cap-Sac Is A Fanny Pack For Your Head
The Cap-sac came out in 1987 but didn't sell very well because there was no internet then. But now, thanks to a magical series of tubes, the Cap-sac is back to the future and helping people get laid and store things at the same time. It's a fanny pack for your head, yo. Available in both neon and non-neon colors, the $13 hats promise to add a bit of retro flair and storage space to almost any domepiece. I wear two at once because I'm so fresh and also I don't like things in my pockets that make me jingle. You hear that, Santa? I can hear your ass coming from a mile away!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots because I roll deep.
Continue Reading " The Cap-Sac Is A Fanny Pack For Your Head "
May 25 2009 Girls Dressed Up As Daleks From Dr. Who
This is a picture of three girls dressed up as Daleks from Dr. Who standing in front of some liquefied petroleum gas. Needless to say, it's the sexist thing I've seen all Memorial Day and would do all three of them in this order: 2,3,1. You know, for America. U-S-A! U-S-A!
Picture [retrothing]
Thanks to "I know you are a sucker for girls in geeky costumes" Brocknoviatch, who speaks the truth.
May 25 2009 Questionable: The Konami Code Belly Dance
I have no idea what I just watched but I think it had something to do with Contra. Happy Memorial Day everyone, and remember: freedom isn't free.
Thanks to whoever sent me this, I couldn't find your email again because I've been celebrating too hard and I fell off the balcony into a tree last night.
May 24 2009 Fun: Mind-Control Game Coming This Fall
Mattel's much anticipated Mindflex game is allegedly dropping this October for $100. For those of you who think like I do, that's 3 lapdances at a reasonable strip club, or almost 12 at the ones I go to.
It's not often that a Mattel toy targets the 18 - 128 demographic, but we'll be frank -- the Mindflex has us all sorts of intrigued. Originally introduced at this year's CES, said game is a brain-powered fun-fest that relies on intense mental activity to control the height of a ball suspended in a column of air.
It sounds similar to that Star Wars toy coming out, but way more involved. I want one. And not just because I've been honing by ball controlling mind skills for years but *concentrating* did you see that? Look again. Now the left one's lower!
Product Site
via
Mattel's Mindflex coming October 1st for $99.99 [engadget]
May 24 2009 Finally: A Venn Diagram Of Hybrid Cutlery
This is a Venn Diagram of hybrid cutlery. As you can see in the middle, the splayd incorporates all three standard eating utensils in one, high questionable design. Of course, I wouldn't want to eat cereal with it. Or you. YOU'RE DRIBBLING MILK ON MY CARPET YOU HEATHEN!
Towards a Grand Unification of Cutlery [eatmedaily]
Thanks to Andrew, who eats with his hands because he's an animal.
May 24 2009 NES Rap: 99 Lives And A Power Glove
This is a rap about playing oldschool NES games called The Konami Code (99 Lives And A Power Glove). It was made by the same folks that brought us Robot Party song and is pretty fresh. Not as fresh as my breakfast mind you, but that's because I just bought chickens. *squeezing chicken* EGGS, DAMN YOU, EGGGGGGGS! *chicken explodes* Okay, that might have been a rooster.
Thanks to Erin, who has allegedly beat Contra with a single life and is a monster liar.
May 23 2009 Uh-Oh: Parents Catching On To Text Talk
Can you believe it? Parents are actually breaking the code of "secret" text speak that teenagers use to talk dirty to one another and make plans to *gasp* smoke the marijuana.
Ever wondered what the secret codes that teenagers are bashing out on mobile phones and computers mean?Well, wonder no more.
A list of the top 50 acronyms that every parent should know has been compiled and posted onto the internet, MyFox Atlanta reports.
According to the list, a "Code 9" or "CD9" means that parents are nearby.
The words "I love you" can often be difficult for people to say, but the latest way around is by simplifying the phrase to "143".
143 -- really? I'm pretty sure people have has been using that since before Shakespeare. I mean, I used to use that shit in grade school when we only had pagers. Damn yeah I sold drugs!
Hit the jump for the top 50 "must know" phrases.
Continue Reading " Uh-Oh: Parents Catching On To Text Talk "
May 23 2009 Delicious: The Spoonful Of Cereal USB Drive
This is a USB drive that looks like a spoonful of cereal. And, just like Mary Poppins would say, "a spoonful of cereal helps the....WHY ARE THERE GRAPE NUTS IN MY LAPTOP, YOU LITTLE BITCHES?!?"
Hit the jump to see a video of the cereal in action.
Continue Reading " Delicious: The Spoonful Of Cereal USB Drive "
May 23 2009 He's An Addict!: Mario Buying Mushrooms
This is a new $18 shirt from Threadless that features Mario buying drugs from his little mushroom-headed dealer. As you can see, one star coin scores three whole shrooms, which is a pretty good deal if you ask me. But who's asking me? YO MAMA. Ooooh, burn! But seriously, this reminds me of the time I was duped into buying a bag of oregano for $40 and, knowing good and well what it was, still smoked it. ZOMG I got sooooo crunked!
Hit the jump for two shots of what the shirt looks like on bodies.
Continue Reading " He's An Addict!: Mario Buying Mushrooms "
May 22 2009 Magical Wolf Shirt Receives Rave Reviews
A shirt being sold by Amazon that features three wolf heads howling at the moon has receiving over 500 reviews and seriously increased sales. Most of the reviews mention the shirt's magical properties. Here's the one that got it all started:
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.
There you have it. The review was so popular that wolf shirt sales have gone through the roof (up 2,300%), with everybody else trying to score a piece of the magic. Hell, the BBC even did a story on it. Now, if you'll excu....*ripping track jacket off* OW OW OOOOOOOOOWWW!! Come on -- who likes it hairy?
Amazon Product Site
and
Joke review boosts T-shirt sales [bbcnews]
Thanks to gizmoduck, The Superficial Writer, pironic, debaser, Mubbly, Ben, Jacob, Danimal, Pete, Yopoleo, Richard Belding, Brett and Ryan, who know a shirt that will get that ladies when they see it.
May 22 2009 Paper Towels: ShamWow's Latest Competitor
This is a short infomercial for Paper Towels. I only watched like five seconds of it before I started daydreaming about who would win in a fight, this guy or Vince 'ShamWow' Shalomi. Then I realized I would kill them both because I ride into battle on a dinosaur holding a smaller dinosaur! Then I went out for a gelati and rubbed sunblock on some hot chicks' chests because I'm at the beach and I DON'T ROLL WITH LIZARD TITS, SON!
Paper Towels [collegehumor]
Thanks to Harry, who once beat a man with his own roll of paper towels for cutting in line at the grocery checkout.
May 22 2009 Retro Gaming Refrigerator Magnet Sets
Looking for some retro-gaming flair you can stick to the fridge? Enter MagnetGames' Etsy shop. Seen here is a small sampling of a 22-piece, $30 Super Mario magnet set. Mario not doing it for you? Hit the jump for some Zelda, Pac-Man and Tetris action. Shit, there might even be an $8 cheeseburger coaster set. And no, I didn't just post this because I threatened the maker with future defamation of character unless I got a complimentary Zelda set. Susan, I hope you're reading this.
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more and link to the store.
May 22 2009 Dude -- Compared To Our Galaxy, We're Just Like, Little Ants Man. Little Ants That Are High
This is a time-lapse video of the center of the Milky Way Galaxy rising over Texas from 9:20 PM to 6:43 AM on April 21-22, 2009, during a star party. Now I have no idea what a star party is, but if it's anything like the last bachelor party I went to, I want in. We could even shoot the hooker's body into space like they did Spock's in The Wrath of Khan!
Tuesday Diversion: The Milky Way Time-lapse [chicagoist]
Thanks to Danny, who reminds you all: shoot for the stars. Even if you miss, you might bag an alien.
May 22 2009 Queen Of England Gets Gold-Plated Wii
The Queen of England was presented with a gold-plated Wii as part of a publicity stunt to hype up new title Big Family Games, which I have the feeling is gonna suck so hard.
BIG Family Games is the ultimate Wii game to get all family members, from grandparents to young children, playing together. The Royal Family is arguably the most important family in the country so we felt that they had to have a copy of the new game ... But we thought that Her Majesty the Queen wouldn't want to play on any old console, so an extra-special gold one was commissioned. We hope that she and the rest of the Royal Family enjoy the game!
Exciting news, huh? What do you expect folks -- I'm blogging from the effing beach. Yeah, and I just had sex with a mermaid! Of course, I was pretty drunk so it could have just been a big fish. Or *crumpling Subway wrapper* a tuna melt. What? OVEN BAKED SUBS NEED LOVE TOO!
THQ sends the Queen a gold-plated Wii [geek]
Thanks to Edwin, van, Riri, Watch-303 and catch22, who don't need gold-plated Wii's because of platinum you punk bitches.
May 22 2009 Fun At The Fair: Animal Hand Paintings
These is a little gallery of amazing animal hand paintings created by somebody who I don't know who is. But whoever they are, they sure did a great job. So great, in fact, I've been inspired to paint my own.
Well, what do you think? It's a robin. That? That's the worm it's eating. Oh -- looks like he's having a little trouble keeping it down! Ha -- you see where I'm going with this? Hell.
Hit the jump for a bunch of others and a link to another gallery with at least 2 or 3x more.
May 21 2009 Cutest Thing I've Seen All Day: Whack-A-Kitty
Whack-a-Kitty is just like Whac-A-Mole at Chuck-E-Cheese except instead of winning tickets you win getting to clean litterboxes and waking up at all ungodly hours of the night. That said, this is the cutest thing I've seen in awhile. And I saw a baby duck riding a bunny riding a puppy at the park yesterday, so that's saying a lot.
Whac-A-Kitty Is a Case of Cruel and Unusual Cuteness [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who once got caught picking up field mice and bopping them on the head.
May 21 2009 Frank Lloyd Wright Architecture LEGO Sets
LEGO has just released the first two of six sets in an 'Architecture' series celebrating the iconic work of Frank Lloyd Wright. Also, I have been to Fallingwater. So yeah, put that in your Guggenheim and smoke it.
The release of the LEGO structures coincides with the real Guggenheim Museum's "From Within Outward" exhibition, which is a celebration of 50 years of Wright's continued influence after his passing.
The first of the sets was released on the 15th to coincide with the opening of the exhibition, and are part of LEGO's LEGO Architecture line of sets, made to "inspire future architects, engineers and designers as well as architecture fans around the world with the LEGO brick as a medium."
Cool, I want them. But nowhere near as much as I want you. Look at me -- don't you think we're sharing something special? I do, and they're called $6 pitchers. Now drink till you love me!
Hit the jump to see a shot of the Guggenheim.
Continue Reading " Frank Lloyd Wright Architecture LEGO Sets "
May 21 2009 Girl Miraculously Escapes Darwin Award Despite Diving In Front Of Truck For iPod
Apparently some 16-year old girl dove into traffic because she dropped her iPod in the street and had already blasted her remaining brains out at level 11 volume.
The girl was walking across the street on Tuesday when she dropped her iPod. She went back to grab it in moving traffic and was, unsurprisingly, hit by the approaching pickup truck. She suffered a broken leg, but hey, her iPod is OK!
Now this is the time where I close my eyes and daydream about being the person driving the truck. OH. UH-OH! LADY LOOK OU.... There were no survivors.
Brilliant Girl Jumps In Front of a Pickup Truck to Save iPod [gizmodo]
May 21 2009 This Is The Awesomest Hat Ever Made
And if you could incorporate a beer helmet into it, it would be awesomest hat ever possible to make.
I made this hat for my son - he wanted a mean shark. I saw the dead fish hat pattern and loved the idea - I just varied the pattern quite a lot to make different looking species. And felted it so it looks like it jumped out of the water and landed on his head...
I basically cast 90 stitches onto a size 9 circular needle and winged it from there. I used Patons wool and it felted great.
Okay I have absolutely no idea what that means because the only thing I've ever stitched is my head to the carpet, but if somebody out there could make me one that would be just about the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Well, besides BYOB night at the strip club. Superficial Writer -- out of my cooler!
Shark Attack Hat [craftster]
Thanks to Towee Monster and Yopoleo, who have both almost been victims of shark attacks but punched the guys before they got hold of their underwear. Good looking, guys.
May 21 2009 Astronauts Drink Urine, Love Every Drop
Well if those aren't the happy faces of three urine-guzzling fools, I don't know what are.
At the international space station, it was one small sip for man and a giant gulp of recycled urine for mankind.
Astronauts aboard the space station celebrated a space first on Wednesday by drinking water that had been recycled from their urine, sweat and water that condenses from exhaled air. They said "cheers," clicked drinking bags and toasted NASA workers on the ground who were sipping their own version of recycled drinking water."The taste is great," American astronaut Michael Barratt said. Then as Russian Gennady Padalka tried to catch little bubbles of the clear water floating in front of him, Barratt called the taste "worth chasing."
"The taste is great". "Worth chasing." Yeah, maybe worth chasing with a glass of battery acid. Just kidding, I'm sure urine is delicious. Like mine, but with less alcohol and cherry pits. *pew pew*
Cheers! Crew drinks up recycled urine in space [msnbc]
Thanks to Jon, who just ordered a case of the stuff because he loves outerspace.
May 21 2009 Dunlop Sponsored Car Sets Loopty-Loop Record, There's A Loopty-Loop Record?
Dunlop, in a move to prove that their tires won't explode even while upside-down, made a giant loopty-loop and had some tiny car ride through it. Not much more to say, except I could have done two consecutive loops. On fire. While banging a dinosaur. In the backseat.
Loop-the-Loop Dunlop World Record [metro]
Thanks to Andy, who once rode a roller coaster with his hands up the whole time.
May 21 2009 Ghost Caught On Film In British Museum
Some BBC employee allegedly took a picture of a ghost at a museum in England. This is the picture, and, quite frankly, I just don't see it. Unless it's an Arab smoking a hookah with a hand down his pants. That I can see.
Mr Sandys, 30, was photographing at the reputedly haunted Edward Jenner Museum in Berkeley, Gloucestershire, and captured the image on his camera.
"It was a bizarre formation of light showing a mystery figure in a doorway," he said. "I am sure it was not caused by sunlight or dust in the air."I checked again and looked in the doorway but I could see nothing."
He went on: "As a BBC employee I wouldn't dare doctor an image or I would lose my job."
Same here, Mr. Sandys -- I would never doctor an image for fear of losing my job. BWAHAHAHAHA! No but seriously, how can you be sure it wasn't the sunlight and dust? What are you, some kind of dustologist? And, if so, is it true dust is mostly fly assholes and eyeballs?
Mystery figure shocks cameraman [bbcnews]
Thanks to Romeo, who would have kicked that ghost in the nuts and stolen its shoes.
May 21 2009 Well It's About Freaking Time: Tetris Soap
Tetris soap is tetrad shaped soap pieces that make a perfect addition to the seashell soaps in your guest bathroom that I'm never sure if I'm supposed to use but do anyway. They're made by Digital Soaps, the same folks that brought us the video game controller soaps. 8 ounces of tetrads will set you back $10, but they also have little Space Invader bars that will run you $10.50 for 24 pieces. Hit the jump to see more of both. Then, go with the tetrads. Trust me: L pieces were practically made for the gooch.
Hit it for a bunch more cleanliness.
Continue Reading " Well It's About Freaking Time: Tetris Soap "
May 20 2009 Lights, Camera, LEGO: Plastic Movie Posters
In the same vein as the famous photo reproductions (and classic video games), this is a little gallery of movie posters made using LEGO blocks. I posted some of my favorites after the jump, but there are 21 in total (some of which were made by Flickr user Craig Lyons)so hit the link to see all of them if you're into that sort of thing. But, if you're into that other sort of thing, call me. I'm talking about sex with bloggers. Hey, a little experimentation never hurt anybody -- it just electrocuted a few lab rats. Ladies -- know what I'm sayin'?
Go on, hit it.
Continue Reading " Lights, Camera, LEGO: Plastic Movie Posters "
May 20 2009 Awesome: The Future According To Microsoft
This is a video of the future according to Microsoft. And, despite not owning a Zune, I would totally live there. In a treehouse, bitches, a treehouse. Close your eyes -- can you see it? It looks like Tarzan dry humping Judy Jane Jetson.
Microsoft's REAL Vision of the Future [gizmodo]
May 20 2009 Human Evolution's 'Missing Link' Found, Surprisngly Not Your Mom. Oooh, Burn!
A 47-million year old skeleton of what is believed to be the "missing link" in human's evolutionary split from tree-swinging, bug picking, shit throwing apes has been found in Germany and nicknamed "Ida".
"This is the first link to all humans," Hurum, of the Natural History Museum in Oslo, Norway, said in a statement. Ida represents "the closest thing we can get to a direct ancestor."
Ida, properly known as Darwinius masillae, has a unique anatomy. The lemur-like skeleton features primate-like characteristics, including grasping hands, opposable thumbs, clawless digits with nails, and relatively short limbs.
Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I would hit that like a bushel of bananas with a coconut. Ha, what do you mean that's like my great great great great great great great great great grandmother to the thousandth power? AND SO WHAT IF IT IS?
"MISSING LINK" FOUND: New Fossil Links Humans, Lemurs? [nationalgeographic]
Thanks to Matty, Chris, chubo, Andrew, Jon, Dylan and Paul, who have all slept with cavewomen and liked it. Furplay, baby.
May 20 2009 Analog Digital Clock Looks Like Digital Clock, Is Made Of Analog Clocks, I'm All Man
Hell yeah I am too. The Clock Clock tells time using a digital-looking display made up of 24 smaller, analog clocks. It is a pretty neat idea and is best viewed from far away otherwise you might burn your retinas out or go crazy like that guy in that movie that was all like AAAAAAAHH!
Created by Swedish designers Humans Since 1982, the Clock Clock installation features 48 electronically-controlled analog clock hands which automatically rotate into the proper positions to form a giant digital display.
I kind of want it. It reminds me a lot of this clock, which is major badassery. Or Colonel Kickass if you're really digging it.
Hit the jump for a bunch more shots and a video of the clock in action.
May 20 2009 Craigslist: Sword That Killed Goliath For Sale
Somebody in St. Louis, Missouri is selling a sword that may or may not be the one David used to chop that punk bitch Goliath's monster nog off after getting him all stoned. Wow, I should really teach Sunday School.
B.C. sword the question is ? Is this the sword of the giant, that little young David chopped the giant head off ? I have received alot of responds on this sword because nothing like this have never came up in history of antiques, and not to much talked about because no one wants to talk about the Bible, one question why 7,000 and this is just pennies in whats it's worth, and everyone knows about the game in collecting and how things pass from hand to hand until one gets the big bucks. So if anyone is interested in this sword they must do their home work I found the information and only went to 7th grade, solike you say you need more infor you must research it yourself and then bring me 7,000 dollars ... also this sword is about three feet long ..
That made no sense. Apparently they don't teach writing in St. Louis until 8th grade. Also, David used Goliath's own sword to cut his head off right? SO WHAT WOULD A GIANT BE DOING WITH A 3-FOOT SWORD? No, more than likely this is the sword Jesus used to kill the ninjas at the Battle of Bethlehem.
Thanks to Todd, who, IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!
May 20 2009 The Original Punch-Out!!: Now More Realistic
Not to be outdone by the new Wii Punch-Out!! game that just dropped, here comes a video of the original Punch-Out!! the way it was meant to be played: with, uh, a bunch of buttons attached to a boxing dummy. While cool in theory, it leaves a little something to be desired in practice. Namely, everything. Still, I do like the sound it makes when you punch a button. Wait, no I don't.
Modified boxing dummy makes Punch-Out a bit more realistic [dvice]
May 20 2009 OM NOM NOM NOM: Beef Jerky Underwear
Beef jerky underwear is $139 underwear made out of untreated beef jerky. It is nutritious, delicious and sexy as all get-out. It kicks the shit out of those other edible underwears because those things taste awful even though they look like they should taste like Fruit Roll-Ups. Plus these ones are meatier. RAWR!
Note the time and care that has gone into crafting this wonderful undergarment. The attention to the properly placed groments that enhance the wearers comfort! We've even "bedazzled" this pair and added our Mixed Species logo on the back next to a heart of rhinestones.
We consider these to be the first in "meat haute couture". They are made to order for each specific customer from the highest quality of dried preserved meats we can find at the closest convenience store.
First of all, it should be "haute meat couture". And secondly, why the hell aren't they available in teriyaki? The Geekologie Writer demands teriyaki flavored draws for his women! Also, blindfolds. I have an internet face. :(
Hit the jump for a couple more shots, including a modeling one.
May 20 2009 Crying Wolf: The Fake Shark Attack Wetsuit
Want to look like a shark attack victim? I know, who doesn't? Well now thanks to a line of wetsuits by Diddo (the same guy that created these designer gas masks), you can. But if shark attack victim isn't for you, what about an anatomical muscle suit? Or wood? Or a rusted pattern? Hit the jump to see all the options. Currently only available in limited editions, the wetsuits will hit full production sometime in the near future. Just don't expect me to fall for the shark attack thing more than once. And speaking of which, have I ever told you about the time I faked drowning so the sexy lifeguard would perform mouth to mouth? His mustache was scratchy.
Hit it for some more worthwhile shots.
Continue Reading " Crying Wolf: The Fake Shark Attack Wetsuit "
May 19 2009 Closer To The Action: Kneeling Pee Bench
The Tenshi no Hizamakura (Angels Knee Pillow) is a little bench designed to get men lower to the action and help prevent urine misplacement. No word if it actually comes with the flying pee genie in the picture, but that would pretty awesome if it did (and also a bargain at $60).
...according to the manufacturer, House Doctor, urinating into the toilet from a certain height results in hundreds of droplets of spray & splash being ejected from the bowl - yes, they actually COUNTED the droplets - and in Japanese households it's the wife who gets to perform the toilet cleaning services.
Ha, maybe America and Japan aren't so different after all. Get it? Because the women do the cleaning here too! Isn't that right, honey? Honey? HONEY?! Shit. Note to self: rerun singles ad. Bigger penis this time.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the questionableness that I'll never need because I always sit down.
Continue Reading " Closer To The Action: Kneeling Pee Bench "
May 19 2009 MUST SEE!: LEGO Mindstorm Pirate Movie
NOTE: I embedded the video in high quality so it may take a minute to load.
This is a little movie made using nothing by LEGO Mindstorm NXT sets and LEGO blocks. It is amazing. Plus, it's about pirates, so double whammy. The movie is only 2:20 long, and the rest of the video shows you what's behind the curtain, so you can understand how it was made. Which surprisingly didn't involve magic. Or so the maker would like us to believe. I'm on to you, sorcerer!
Incredible Mindstorms NXT Theater Creates Pirate Battle On Lego Seas [gizmodo]
May 19 2009 *PEW PEW* GLUG GLUG: The Beer Gun
As a man-child who's no stranger to chugging beers and puking on himself and then losing a shoe and cell phone only to find them both in the kitchen trash the next morning, I love beer. Like, love it, love it. But only bottles, not cans (cut me once, shame on you, cut me twice SHAME ON YOU AGAIN, YOU ARE A TERRIBLE LOVER!). Also, I really like guns because the very heart of George 'Sawed-Off' Washington beats inside my chest. So anyway, this 22 Machine Gun Glass stands 18-inches tall and is by far the coolest thing to drink out of besides boobies. *ahem* Ladies -- I'm a little parched over here. What? I WANT STRONG BONES!
Submachine gun beer bong, a weapon for those who must be forced to guzzle [coonessroundup]
May 19 2009 The Future Of Time Is Now: E-Ink Watches
These e-ink timepieces were created by Phosphor Watches and feature patented e-ink technology. What is e-ink? THE INK THAT SITS IN FRONT OF F-INK DURING ROLL CALL!
The principal components of electronic ink are millions of tiny microcapsules, about the diameter of a human hair. In one incarnation, each microcapsule contains positively charged white particles and negatively charged black particles suspended in a clear fluid. When a negative electric field is applied, the white particles move to the top of the microcapsule where they become visible to the user. At the same time, an opposite electric field pulls the black particles to the bottom of the microcapsules where they are hidden. By reversing this process, the black particles appear at the top of the capsule, which now makes the surface appear dark at that spot.
BA-DOOOOOOSH, ELECTRONIC TECHNOLOGY ON YOUR WRIST! The watches come in three different styles and range in price from $175-$225 depending on the model and wristband you choose. Personally, I want mine on a slap bracelet. You know what they say: you can take the boy out of the early 90's, but you can't take the dinosaur out of the boy. Seriously, we're totally stuck together. Got any butter handy? No? BBQ sauce?
Thanks to ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, whose e ink watch broke and ruined his shirt. Faulty manufacturing, I smell class action!
May 19 2009 More Than Meets The Eye: Transformer USB Drive Is Awesomest I've Seen In A While
What do you buy for the man who has nothing? While you ponder that nugget of vast intellectuality, I'll tell you about this 2GB Transformer memory stick (which is way better than these ones). Probably the awesomest USB drive I've seen in forever, the unit transforms from a normal looking USB ding-dongle into Ravage, a fierce jungle cat Decepticon (which some believe to be a dog, WHICH HE IS NOT YOU WILL NOT RUIN MY CHILDHOOD). Available fro pre-order from the BigBadToyStore, this piece of badassery will set you back $43 and ships in September. But the question remains: shouldn't you avoid trusting a Decepticon with your porno?*
*Does Optimus Prime piss transmission fluid and wipe his ass with corrugated steel?**
**Bumblebee says so!
Product Page
via
Transforming Ravage Flash Drive [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Tank and Julian, who once convinced a Decepticon it was human and then broke its heart with a backhoe.
May 19 2009 I Can't Wait!: A 'Scantily Clad Bodybuilders Running Through Buildings' Video Game
In the most anticipated release since the last homoerotic game from Japan comes Muscle Koushinkyoku (Muscle March) for the Wii Virtual Console. Dropping May 26th, the 800 Wii Point game combines erotic fantasy with Human Tetris like gameplay. And I, for one, can hardly wait. So, in the meantime, who wants to go people watch at the gym with me? Cool, I'll be in the locker room.
Muscle Men, Bikinis, WTF [kotaku]
Thanks to stubags, who once punched through a wall because it was looking at him funny. That was a poster, stubags, you can't blame wall.
May 19 2009 Physics Are Phun!: The Ball Flip Trick
Impressive, but I would have gone with a triple gainer with a twist. Twisted ankle. I'm so clumsy! Now somebody bring me an ice pack, I threw a hip out humping a dinosaur pillow last night -- AND this morning. I AM A LOVEMAKING MACHINE!
Physics WIN [current]
Thanks to Andrew, who once popped one of those balls at the gym and everyone thought it was a terrorist act for a second. It was.
May 19 2009 Baaaaad Idea: Cheap Terminator Costumes
Just in time for the new movie, Toys-Я-Us is selling $13 T-600 (looks more like a T-6 if you ask me) costumes for children. I mean, it's not even Halloween. You let your kid run around the neighborhood with this thing on and it's game over, man! Wait, that was Aliens. Anyway, the costumes were made to compliment the rest of the crap they're marketing to children under 13 who shouldn't even be allowed to see the movie. Just sayin', my dad took me to see the original Terminator when I was 4. It all makes sense now, doesn't it?
Thanks to Reason, who once killed a T-600 with a laser beam and then called its mother Robo-Cop.
May 18 2009 It's On eBay: Your Own 'Show Used' Tribble
Want your very own Tribble from the original Star Trek series? Well you're in luck, thanks to a $5,000 eBay auction behind held by the son of Scotty (James Doohan).
This rare, large, walking Tribble is one of only 6 ever made and was used on the 1967 original Star Trek episode, "The Trouble with Tribbles" . Not only is this Tribble in great condition after 42 years, it actually works/walks. One of these Tribbles is on display at the Science Fiction Museum in Seattle and is owned by Paul Allen.
Nice. Alternatively, vacuum the carpet and then glue your sweepings to a Styrofoam ball. BOOM, Tribbles on the cheap. Join me next week when I explain how to make a Klingon out of a cadaver and model railroad mountain.
Hit the jump for several more shots.
Continue Reading " It's On eBay: Your Own 'Show Used' Tribble "
May 18 2009 Highly Questionable: The Infinite Slinky
The Infinite Slinky may look like a belt sander taped to a tissue box, but I don't think that's what it is (that's exactly what it is). The device was created by Geekologie Reader (and Stupid Inventor) Zachary, who obviously grew up in a one story house. Thanks, Zachary, but I think I speak for all of us when I say Log. Just sayin' -- it's big, it's heavy, it's wood. And wood is good. Especially in the morning. Any lady lumberjacks in the house?
Thanks to Zachary, who keeps it stupid.
May 18 2009 I've Seen It All Now: A Twittering Toilet
That's right folks, a toilet that Twitters every time it's flushed. Because if that's not a sign of the apocalypse, what is? Your mom making out with a robot. Oh, I thought you were asking. What do you mean I said it? LISTEN, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! Now, where were we? Right, a Twittering toilet.
@ last user: Great, you clogged me -- about to overflow. Shit on your floor commencing in 3...2...
Twitter Page
via
Twitter Toilet Tweets Your Poo [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, clownpounder and Dogless, who don't need Twitter to tell them they should feel two pounds lighter.
May 18 2009 How To: Get Free WiFi During Your Commute
Like this. At least that's how they do it in Moscow. From Russia With Love, baby! Also, with nesting dolls and bacon vodka. Suck it, Mr. Bond, you just got stirred!
Hit the jump for another shot of the girl in action just in case you thought it was fake or something. OH YEAH -- WELL YOUR DIAMOND IS FAKE!
Continue Reading " How To: Get Free WiFi During Your Commute "
May 18 2009 Not A Plane: Winged Submarine Is Confused
The Super Falcon isn't a bird at all. OR IS IT?!? No, it's not. It's a submarine with wings. The brainchild of British inventor Graham Hawkes, the sub is capable of diving to depths of 1,500 feet, achieving breakneck speeds of up to six knots (~7MPH or some really kinky bondage), and traveling approximately 25 nautical miles on a battery charge.
Mr Hawkes said: 'After twenty years of prototyping, Super Falcon is our most advanced and elegant submersible yet, encompassing all the innovations we made in introducing underwater flight from the surface to the bottom of the ocean.'
'It is advanced enough to go barrel-rolling with dolphins, spy-hopping with whales or searching for sunken galleons,' Mr Hawkes added.
Oh hell yes -- I want to go barrel rolling with dolphins and have sex with the Loch Ness Monster! Nessie -- NESSIE! She's a relative of the dinosaurs you know. RAWR! Or should I say WUWW!? That's RAWR underwater.
Hit the jump for several more shots of all the fun to be had.
Continue Reading " Not A Plane: Winged Submarine Is Confused "
May 18 2009 Experiment: Which Dog Do Women Like Best?
This is a video of an experiment called 'Puppy Pulling Power' that helps determine which breed of dog women respond to most. Basically some guy attached a digital camera to a dog's collar that takes a picture every time it detects a smile. Or breasts. Quite possibly breasts. Whatever the case, I'm adopting everything the pound has to offer. Cats too. Ladies?
Hit the jump for some of the sweater yammier images, along with a graph showing the success of the various dogs, and a longer, 10 minute movie about the project.
Continue Reading " Experiment: Which Dog Do Women Like Best? "
May 18 2009 Silent Hill Cosplay Only Marginally Sexy
I mean, she is still a nurse.
Hit the Flickr link for a ton more, all of which are scarily sexy.
Flickr Gallery
via
A Truly Creepy Silent Hill Nurse Cosplay [kotaku]
Thanks to Julian, who would still hit it like a sackful of penicillin.
May 18 2009 Geekologie Reader Make USB Gluestick
Young Geekologie Reader Izzy Slypig went and made himself a 1GB gluestick flashdrive. It rotates up and out of the container as you twist the bottom. That is all. But, if you've ever wanted to steal computer files from preschool, now's your chance.
Hit the jump for three more shots of the drive in various states of twist.
May 17 2009 Another Dorm Used As A Giant Display
This is another video of students from the Polish Wroclaw University of Technology turning one of their dorms into a giant 12 x 10 four-color display. They play all kind of games and animations, so feel free to skip around and realize just how much time was wasted. The group responsible calls themselves P.I.W.O., which is apparently the equivalent of B.E.E.R. in English. Of course it could mean cock rocker for all I know, I'm not Polish.
Youtube
and
Dormitory Turned Into Huge Color Display [slashdot]
Thanks to Mark and Julian, once played Pong against each other on a 2 x 2 display and both lost. And to Emode, who is Polish and informed me that P.I.W.O. does in fact translate to B.E.E.R. and not T.I.T.S., which would have been cool too.
May 17 2009 XBox 360/Zune Mashup Device Coming?
Is Microsoft working on a device that combines functionality of the XBox 360 and Zune? I don't even know what the hell that would be, but maybe.
The project, codenamed "xYz," is said to feature a WVGA touchscreen and a way to play music and movies on both the device as well as the Xbox 360. Basically, it's going to be a connected handheld gaming system with rich multimedia features.
Eh. Also, "xYz" -- what a horrible codename. I can already think of like a million better ones. Including, and pretty much limited to, "Project Zune Liquidation".
May 17 2009 Inventor Denied Patent For Human 'Killer Chip'
A Saudi inventor was recently denied a German patent for what is being described as a "killer chip". What is a killer chip? Cooler Ranch Doritos, hands down.
The basic model would consist of a tiny GPS transceiver placed in a capsule and inserted under a person's skin, so that authorities could track him easily. Model B would have an extra function -- a dose of cyanide to remotely kill the wearer without muss or fuss if authorities deemed he'd become a public threat.
The inventor said the chip could be used to track terrorists, criminals, fugitives, illegal immigrants, political dissidents, domestic servants and foreigners overstaying their visas."The invention will probably be found to violate paragraph two of the German Patent Law -- which does not allow inventions that transgress public order or good morals
If the aliens have taught us anything, it's that the key to successful human tracking is NOT LETTING THE HUMANS KNOW. You embed a cyanide chip under my skin and guess what -- I'm cutting it out. With my teeth. Oh I'm sorry, was that too hardcore for you? Yeah, well one time I ate two of my own toes because I hadn't eaten dessert.
Saudi 'Killer Chip' Implant Would Track, Eliminate Undesirables [foxnews]
Thanks to Dustin and philip, who track people the old fashioned way: by looking for footprints and shit. Literally, looking for shit.
May 16 2009 What The World's Smallest Car Looks Like
This is what the world's smallest (but not the lowest) street-legal car looks like. Because this is the world's smallest street-legal car. I don't know if you understand logic, but my argument is infallible. The car, which measures a scant 39" high x 26" wide, is allegedly twice as small as the last record holder.
Car modder Perry Watkins took the frame of the "Postman Pat" children's ride and mounted it on a quad mini-bike, using its 150cc engine. The car features a windshield wiper, lights and signals, mirrors, and even a Pimp My Ride-worthy paint job and fake racing exhaust pipes. The car, christened "The Wind-Up," can hit 40 miles per hour in what we're sure is an incredibly uncomfortable and scary ride.
Good looking, Perry. And you know what they say about guys who drive really small cars don't you? Serious neck and back problems. Kidding, kidding -- monster junk.
Hit the jump for a short video about the build and some driving footage.
Continue Reading " What The World's Smallest Car Looks Like "
May 16 2009 Outerspace Eye Candy: Space Shuttle And Hubble Telescope Silhouetted Against Sun
This is a photo of the space shuttle Atlantis and Hubble Space Telescope silhouetted against the sun. It really made me think about stuff. You know, like outerspace and all that. I'm really deep.
The exceptionally gifted astrophotographer Thierry Legault captured this stunning tableau just minutes before the crew of Atlantis caught up with and captured Hubble for its very last servicing mission on May 13, 2009. This shot has never been accomplished before, and it's magnificent. He used a 13 cm telescope, and camera that took a series of 16 images of 1/8000th of second each.
Awesome image, Thierry. Reminds me of the time I bet the sun I could beat it in a staring contest and kicked its shiny ass. And that, my friends, is why I'm so bright.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots, one of which may or may not look like Pac-Man from behind.
May 16 2009 Looks Safe: Setting Jet Pack Speed Records
This is a video of Jetpack International trying to raise the airspeed record for jetpacking. Because, well, you've gotta start somewhere.
This is not especially difficult to do, considering that jetpack airspeed records don't really exist yet, but when you only have 30 or 40 seconds of fuel, you have to make sure and remember to leave yourself enough time to slow down.
The actual jetpacking starts at around 1:30, but whoever edited the video did a pretty shitty job and loves slow motion too much. Still, dude gets up to 61MPH. Which is impressive considering he's towing like 30lb balls.
Jet Pack Speed Record [ohgizmo]
May 15 2009 Eye Candy: Classic Video Game Remakes
This is a little gallery of re-imagined video games by deviantARTist Orioto (aka Mikaël Aguirre). This is Kid Icarus and Donkey Kong Country here. Unfortunately, these don't do the full sized pictures justice, so you'll need to head over to Mikaël's deviantART page to see them in their full glory. Otherwise, you're cheating yourself. Like performing a stranger, but worse.
Hit the jump for a preview of a couple of my favorites.
May 15 2009 A Day In The Life Viewed Entirely In Logos
You may have already seen this before, and if you have, congratulations, you're a real internetellect. But for those of you who haven't, this is a day in the life of some woman named Jane viewed entirely in logos. Pretty clever. I thought about making one for myself, but then realized it would just be HP, Geekologie, Maker's Mark, Jurassic Park and Kleenex. I'm a simple guy, really.
Fun with brands - Jane's Brand-timeline Portrait [dearjanesample]
Thanks to Caroline, who only uses off-brands because she's thrifty. OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE KNOWS SOMETHING WE DON'T! Caroline, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?
May 15 2009 What A Princess: Bride's LED Wedding Dress
Some bride, in a bid to be the classiest bride of all classy times, had a dress made with 300 LEDs sewn into the bottom poofy part. And let me tell you, the applause when she turns it on during her first dance is deafening. And how about that song from Armageddon? I'm not sure if you've seen the movie BUT THEY ALL DIE IN THE END. I'm just sayin', you can't put a price on looking like a Christmas tree at your own wedding.
May 15 2009 Be Proud: Geek Pride Day Is May 25th
That's right folks, Geek Pride Day 2009 is rapidly approaching. We must make plans. I'm thinking beer and ticker tape. With maybe some comics and video games thrown in for good measure.
Nerd Pride Day, or Geek Pride Day, is an initiative which claims the right of every person to be a nerd or a geek. Of Spanish origin ("día del orgullo friki" in Spain), it is celebrated nowadays among Spanish frikis (an equivalent of geeks and nerds).This day is celebrated on May 25 since 2006, celebrating the premiere of the first Star Wars movie in 1977.
So, what do you all want to do? Parade? If so, I want to be on a float -- I've never gotten to do that before. Anybody good with paper papier-mâché? I'm thinking me riding a dinosaur crushing a robot. Also, if the dinosaur could have realistic orifices that would be, you know, the only reason I suggested this project in the first place.
Thanks to matty, who stands proudly as a geek. Also, a little hunchbacked from sitting in front of the computer all day and night.
May 15 2009 Universe's Largest Black Hole Discovered
Allegedly astronomers have discovered the universe's most massive black hole. How massive? Think my ex-wife's gaping pie-hole times three.
Whatever gave birth to this monster can be real proud. The biggest black hole in the universe weighs in with a respectable mass of 18 billion Suns, and is about the size of an entire galaxy.
The biggest black hole beats out its nearest competitor by six times. Fortunately, it's 3.5 billion light years away, forming the heart of a quasar called OJ287.
So, what does this mean for us? WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! Quick, everybody, foil helmets, foil helmets! *click* Haha, you all looked so stupid.
18 Billion Suns -Biggest Black Hole in Universe Discovered--and it's BIG! A Galaxy Classic [dailygalaxy]
Thanks to interstellar vacuum salesman, who could sell that black hole a stairs attachment even if it doesn't have any.
May 15 2009 Woman Offers Man Baby As Taser Shield
A Missouri woman offered a man her 1-year old child for use as a taser shield when he was being confronted by cops. Now that's solid parenting.
Officers were at an apartment checking on an assault claim made by the woman when a man confronted them, making threats. One of the officers displayed a Taser as the man approached.
Police said the mother offered her child to the man, placing the toddler in the Taser's path. The man, 22, faces two counts of resisting arrest. The woman, 20, was charged with endangering the welfare of a child and interfering with an arrest. She was arrested Tuesday night and placed at the Marion County jail on a 24-hour hold.
Wow, just....wow. Thank God tasers weren't so prevalent when I was a kid or my parents would have probably put an ad in the newspaper. I can see it now:
FOR SALE: One child, male. Large head, cries a lot. Would make a great taser shield.
Mo. mom accused of using child to block Taser [yahoonews]
Thanks to Noah, who knows only teenagers should be used for blocking tasers. Also, lasers. PEW PEW!
May 15 2009 Trick BBall Shots: Now With More Shotgun!
In the same vein as the beer pong video, this is a video of a group of guys that call themselves Dude Perfect making a bunch of ridiculous basketballs shots. Mostly they're just shooting from like two miles away, but they do some drive-by shots using a truck as well. But really, you came here to see the shotgun shot, so skip to 0:55.
Well, what did you think? Hoping he'd blow his foot off? Yeah, same. :(
Thanks to Harry, who once sunk one from downtown. I don't even know what that means, but he did it.
May 15 2009 Oldest Human Sculpture Found In Germany
What you're looking at is believed to be the oldest sculpture of a human found to date, and was carved out of a mammoth's tusk. That's right, mammoth -- the very same mount Jesus used to ride into battle. Wow!
The distorted object, which portrays a woman with huge breasts, big buttocks and exaggerated genitals, is thought to be at least 35,000 years old.
The 6cm-tall figurine, reported in the journal Nature, is the latest find to come from Hohle Fels Cave in Germany."I think there are good reasons to emphasise sexual interpretations, but we really don't know whether it is coming from a more male or a more female perspective. We don't know very much about how the artefact was used."
Oh man, those cave people were a classy bunch, were they not? They so were. And such the artisans. But seriously, is that really the way women used to look back then? Because, if so, BBW AND mammoths? *firing up time machine* Somebody smells a threesome!
Hit the jump for another picture with more angles.
Continue Reading " Oldest Human Sculpture Found In Germany "
May 14 2009 The Study Ball: I Said Do Your Homework!
The Study Ball is allegedly a real $115 product that prevents you from moving from your desk while you're supposed to be studying. Obviously, it's a complete sham unless it weighs at least 200lbs, because I can lift twice that with my littlest piggy.
The Study Ball gadget is a prison-style ball and chain that you can program to keep track of how much time you spend studying. Once you've selected the desired duration, you chain the ball to your ankle and the manacle won't come off until the schedule study time is up.A red LED indicator displays the "Study Time Left" and keeps you informed as to how much longer you've got to keep studying. The ball and chain are made of highly durable steel and weighs a total of 9.5 kg / 20.95 pounds, which makes it difficult to move while wearing it.
21lbs, pfffft. That's not gonna stop anybody from doing anything. Including, but not limited to: robbing a liquor store. ALL THE BOURBON OR YOUR ANKLE GETS IT! What? NO THIS AIN'T NO SKIP-IT!
Product Site
via
Study Ball brings seriously old school methods to child rearing [dvice]
Thanks to e., who actually knows the whole Skip-It jingle. Wow, e., I think I love you.
May 14 2009 Russian Whale Tails Taking Web By Storm
Vilena, the woman above, is the originator of a Russian internet phenomenon I'm dubbing "whale tailing". Basically, she took the picture you see there (with her ass all up in the air, hence the "whale tail"), posted it on some social networking site, and, next thing you know, BAM, all the women are doing it. *sniff* Brings a tear to my eye. Now I don't belong to any Russian networking sites, so I say we bring the trend over here. Now THAT'S an internet phenomenon I can get behind! And thrust. HIYO!
Hit the jump for several more slightly NSFW examples, the last of which will make you sad.
Continue Reading " Russian Whale Tails Taking Web By Storm "
May 14 2009 We're As Good As Dead!: Boston Dynamics' Latest Robastard Is An Accomplished Climber
In Boston Dynamics' unending quest to cut humanity's reign on earth short, the company continues to develop new robotic death machines. In this case, a climber named RiSE (who I have briefly touched on before). As is evident from the video, the apocalyptic bastard makes pretty short work of climbing a telephone pole. So I'm pretty confident it could scurry across the floor, shimmy up my leg, and have my change purse in its razor sharp mandibles before I could utter, "but they just dropped".
RiSE Version 3 Prototype [kodlab]
Thanks to beefytee, Art and biggity2bit, who just informed me we're no longer safe in the tree fort. Quick -- to the zip line!
May 14 2009 Awh, How Cute: A Little LEGO Nintendo
This is a little Nintendo Flickr user Arkov made using LEGO pieces. As you can see, it's fairly simple. I didn't actually bother counting the number of blocks it took, but given a quick glance, I'd estimate somewhere in the six to eight range. Few enough for even you to be able to make one. Just kidding, you'd probably end up eating all the pieces. Which.....HEY, PUT THAT HELMET BACK ON! Your mother would kill me if she came home and saw you without your -- WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE SCISSORS?!?
Hit the jump for some sexy closeups.
May 14 2009 *PEW PEW*, NOM NOM: An AT-AT Cake
This is an amazing AT-AT cake created by Jennifer Luxmore (and friends) of Sin Desserts. It took 60 hours to build and would typically sell for around $5,000. Stale.
The legs and base [of the Star Wars AT-AT cake] are wood, covered in gum paste and the cake is the head and body. I was in charge of baking, covering it in fondant and covering the legs with the gum paste.
The cake was a new cake for us... the Guiness Cake. and the background was hand painted by Joe. All of the people involved in the cake are artists of some sort and it took (everyone combined) about 60 hours (background painting, leg and body cut outs, covering, cake/covering, assembly and painting) so we figured the cake to come in some where around $5,000 at the low end.
Hit the jump to see a few more shots, as well as some shots of a ridiculous Millennium Falcon cake that Jennifer also made. Then, cry about how you can't even bake cupcakes without burning them. YOU WILL NEVER MAKE A GOOD WIFE!
Now hit the link and forget you were going to call me a sexist pig in the comments. *waving penis* This isn't the writer you're looking for.
May 14 2009 Best Financial Investment Commercial Ever
NOTE: VIDEO IS NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT VIVID ORIGAMI SEX ACTS.
This is a commercial for Bontrust Finance. It is arguably the best commercial for a financial institution I've ever seen. Not only was it incredibly well made, but it features lewd sex acts. OUT OF NOWHERE. Which, let's be honest, are the best kind. Except on the Metro. I'm looking at you, Mr. '"Whip it Out Whenever You Want". But no eye contact -- I remember what happened last time!
Thanks to Harry, who once had relations with one of those little paper fortune teller thingies you used to make in grade school.
May 14 2009 Google Maps Cleavage: I Have A New Hobby!
What Google Maps was made for, or what Google Maps was made for? God, I love geography.
Hit the jump for a zoomier picture.
Continue Reading " Google Maps Cleavage: I Have A New Hobby! "
May 14 2009 How To Quit: The Best Resignation EVER
Now you see folks, THAT is how you quit a job. Remember: the goal whenever leaving an organization is to ensure it crumbles behind you as you walk out the door. So, at that very moment, your employer realizes just how under-appreciated you were. And then is crushed under the rubble.
Hit the jump for three more resignations, which were all part of Cracked's 'I Quit' Photoshop contest.
May 13 2009 UPDATE: Zapatag Calls Out Bad Drivers
Zapatag is a user submitted database of bad/inconsiderate/female/rude/raging drivers' license plate numbers and their alleged infractions. I have no idea of the legality of such a system, but quite frankly, I don't care -- I think this is a great idea. Provided, of course, I never see a GK WRITR tag pop up. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk! That said, I change my mind about the GK WRITR thing -- make as many sightings as you can around the DC area talking about how handsome I am and how I can make light turns green by unbuttoning my shirt. Also, maybe mention that it looked like my truck was dragging its muffler but it turned out to be my penis. Ladies?
UPDATE: Click HERE to see all my infractions to date.
Thanks to The Jerk, who already has like fifty listings.
May 13 2009 I Want: Sweet $100,000 Hoverpack Action
This is some more video of the $100,000 Martin "Jetpack" that will be available later this year. That's right folks, your very own hoverpack for less than you'd pay for a Lamborghini. Almost sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? No, not really. But still, I want one.
...capable of accurate control, and it's said to fly for 30 minutes at 60 mph, and travel a distance of 8000 feet. Still no word on how high it can go, or if it can exceed the altitude where it's boosted by that helpful ground effect. But this is a great improvement over the demos from last year.
Oh hell yes. You know, this jetpack reminds me of the time I jumped off my neighbor's holding a ceiling fan over my head -- but with less flying to the moon and banging martians. They really do have green nipples!
May 13 2009 Thank You, Readers: Geekologie Fan Art
This is a picture of yours truly created by loyal Geekologie Reader (and deviant artist) cool-slayer. She actually knows what I look like too, so it's pretty accurate. So yeah, for all of you out there who were wondering, I wear an Alabama hat and an 'I Heart Dinos' shirt. And my heart on my sleeve, so be gentle with it. It's been broken before, you know. Heartworms. It's rare but it happens!
Hit the jump for two more pieces of fan art, including a misspelled Geekologie created by playing that ridiculous full-screen Tetris game.
May 13 2009 Chipmunk Meets The Star Wars Universe
This is a little photo gallery of a friendly chipmunk named Billy exploring the Star Wars universe in Flickr user powerpig's backyard. All the photos are real, Billy just happens to be very receptive to curious Ewoks and stormtroopers (and maybe even a little Chewbacca action!). Heartwarming, isn't it? You keep him distracted, I'll fire up the grill.
Hit the jump for a few more and a link to the entire Flickr gallery.
May 13 2009 SICK!: Fly Turns Ants Into Zombie Nurseries
The phorid fly turns fire ants into zombies by laying eggs inside them. When the larvae hatch, they eat their way to the ant's brain, which they also eat, leaving the fiery bastards to wander around like zombies before dying. Sick.
"At some point, the ant gets up and starts wandering," said Rob Plowes, a research associate at UT.
The maggot eventually migrates into the ant's head, but Plowes said he "wouldn't use the word 'control' to describe what is happening. There is no brain left in the ant, and the ant just starts wandering aimlessly. This wandering stage goes on for about two weeks."About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off and the fly emerges ready to attack any foraging ants away from the mound and lay eggs.
ZOMG -- it's head falls off. That reminds me of the time I was getting it on with a velociraptor when my parents came home early so I tried stuffing him in the closet but accidentally slammed the door closed on his neck and his head fell off. I buried it in the backyard, but I kept the body. What? It's okay if it's a dinosaur!
Hit the jump for a video of the flies in action (first video) as well as another of what jewel wasps do to cockroaches (same concept of zombification, but with a completely different method (read: injecting venom straight into the brain)).
Continue Reading " SICK!: Fly Turns Ants Into Zombie Nurseries "
May 13 2009 I Want One: A Real Notebook Computer
This is a video by Dutch artist Evelien Lohbeck that features a real notebook computer. Like a notebook made out of paper. It's pretty neat, and you should watch it (kind of reminded me of A-Ha's Take on Me video). I'm fairly confident the video was made using computer trickery, but I'm not ruling out the possibility that somebody sold their soul to a powerful sorcerer. Which, let's be honest, for your soul, would be a deal. After all, we are men of low moral fiber. Which, holy shit -- another Monkey Island reference?!? I AM THE TOPS!
Youtube
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The real Notebook Computer! [ebaumsworld]
Thanks to Jack a Shalack and a Yack Yack Yack, who actually only has a single yack and a stuttering problem.
May 13 2009 Sure, Why Not?: LEGO Rock Band A Reality
Not to be outdone by the announcement of Beatles Rock Band, the game is now coming out in LEGO form. Hooray? It hasn't received a release date yet, but is guaranteed to take future family nights to an all new level as you and yours Patridge Family the shit out of that mother!
* Songs you know and love: Rock out to everything from current radio hits to past favorites the whole family will enjoy.* LEGO-themed rock challenges: Play killer riffs to destroy a giant robot, summon a storm, and demolish a skyscraper using the power of rock!
* Enhanced customizer: Don't stop with your avatar, customize your whole entourage! Design the band, roadies, and manager just the way you want.
Awesome, that sounds not awesome! As much as I do love LEGO and rocking out with my proverbial stratowangcaster out, I just don't know. Of course, the game was designed for children and families so I'm not exactly the target demographic. BUT THEN WHY DO I STILL EAT KID CUISINES? I'm an enigma! Return to Innocence, bitches!
LEGO Rock Band [xbox]
Thanks to Salazar and Alex, who have both gotten with LEGO groupies. Nothing wrong with that guys, I just hope you built yourself some modular plastic protection first.
May 13 2009 Spam Emails: Now With More Illustration
This is a picture from artist Elliot Burford's series of work entitled 'Spam', which features illustrations created using the titles of spam email, most of which are for wiener growing pills. I posted a bunch more of my favorites after the jump, but there are 24 in total (so far), so take a gander if you like them. I was particularly fond of this one, for obvious reasons -- I like the smell of gasoline. Kidding, BURN IT WITH FIRE!
Hit the jump for more.
Continue Reading " Spam Emails: Now With More Illustration "
May 12 2009 Good Times, Good Times: Burlesque Cosplay
So apparently a bunch of burlesque dancers did cosplay routines at LA's Bordello Bar over the weekend. This is Princess Peach, but hit the jump for Chun Li, Link, Princess Zelda and Samus Aran (complete with arm blaster!). Yow yow! Blah blah blah blah blah blah are you still reading this? Because nobody else even started.
Hit the link for a whole bunch more.
Video Game Girls Burlesque @ Bordello [laweekly]
via
Burlesque goes nerdy at Los Angeles' Bordello club [destructoid]
Thanks to Margo the Jeweler, who could put all these chicks to shame. IF SHE WANTED. And to Marc, who could too.
May 12 2009 No Surprises Here: How That Viral Samsung HD Camera Phone Commercial Was Created
Remember that viral Samsung ad with the mysterious disappearing phone? Me neither! *rewatches video* Oh right, that looked vaguely familiar. Well, this video explains how they made it just in case you care. And, not to ring our own collective bike bell or anything, but it's exactly how we all thought. Well, except for you -- you're slow. Like a turtle. ONE WHO CAN'T EVEN BEAT A RABBIT IN A FOOTRACE. But still, I like you. I like turtles.
Samsung's puzzling camera trick: here's how they did it [dvice]
May 12 2009 $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games
Looking to blow $2,500 on something that's bound to get all scuffed up and smell funky within a few months? Cool, buy me one of those masturbation machines. Or these shoes.
These are an exclusive pair...only one of its kind. Patent leather back with embedded fiber optic wiring in the shape of the XBOX logo. Battery placement is in the tongue as well as on and off switch that has 2 settings: Strobe or Constant light functions. Gradient lime swoosh faded to black. The toe is painted in a surreal Tiger Camouflage with accents of lime and bright green. These are a men's size 11.
$2,500 for a pair of sneakers? For that kind of money I was at least expecting them to play Halo. Yeah, and have speakers so I can hear all the penisless pre-pubescent boys telling me what a homosexual African American I am.
Hit the jump for several more shots including the fiber optics in action.
Continue Reading " $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games "
May 12 2009 Not For The Faint: Robots Beating The Ever Living Hell Out Of Crash Test Dummies
This is some really disturbing footage from the German Aerospace Center's Institute of Robotics and Mechtronics (soon be known as a pile of rubble. Minions -- attack!) showing robots beating the ever living hell out of crash test dummies. FOR FUN. WHILE SOME SICKOS LAUGH IN THE BACKGROUND. Allegedly the experiments were conducted in an attempt to help make robots safer, but guess what -- THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SAFE ROBOT. Just sayin', my roommate lost three toes to a Roomba and can now only walk in circles.
Robots crash into dummies, identify human weaknesses [engadget]
Thanks to billcollider, Chase is First, Barry, Nelson and Wout, who have each taken out like 40 robots and even dated a few long term. You guys make me sick.
May 12 2009 So, Yeah: The DJ Hero Turntable Peripheral
So this is the first look at the DJ Hero turntable peripheral. As you can see, they make it look like a turntable, but with buttons (and sadly no knobs). Three of them. Let's see, there's a, um, purple one, a yellow one and a....and a....*sniffle* I never learned my colors! But I did learn my tastes. OM NOM NOM. Ass. This sandwich tastes like ass.
Hit the jump for one more shot.
Continue Reading " So, Yeah: The DJ Hero Turntable Peripheral "
May 12 2009 Sure, Why Not?: 'Noob' Makes It To Dictionary
I don't know how much truth there is to this, but let's be honest, I'd still post it even if my only source was overhearing the crazy guy at the bar telling himself. BECAUSE I OWN JOURNALISM. So allegedly, 'noob' is coming to the dictionary, and will also carry the honor of being the millionth word. Snap, you just got PWNED, lexicon!
The Global Language Monitor accepts words once they have been used 25,000 times by media outlets. According to the reports, this hints at "noob" becoming the millionth word, which would happen on June 10, 2009, at 10:20am. At that moment, the word "noob" will itself become a noob in the English language, and we will all polish our specatacles and smirk at the amusing irony of it all.
So a word becomes official when it's used 25,000 times by media outlets, huh? Geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie
geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie.
I think we're getting close!
Noob to become the millionth word in the English language? [destructoid]
Thanks to Salazar, who suggests we petition to have bangarang included as well.
May 12 2009 Wuv, Tru Wuv: Heart-Shaped Watermelons
What? I CAN QUOTE The Princess Bride IF I WANT. There's no shame in my game. Or extra lives. Anyway, just in time for not Valentine's Day, Japanese jolly ranchers Kiroichi Kimura and his wife have perfected a way of growing heart-shaped watermelons, which sell for up to $160. It took three years to develop the process, which involves implanting a watermelon seed in a giant's heart and then slaying it and removing the melon afterward. Nice, guys, but I think I still stick to regular-shaped melons. *ahem* I'm looking at you, female Geekologie reader.
Heart-shaped watermelons in Japan [japanprobe]
Thanks to Ashnod, ffffffffffffffffffffff and NESbeast, who are holding out for spleen shaped watermelons.
May 12 2009 Denny's: Now With More Dinosaurs, Drugs
This is a new commercial for Denny's advertising how cool it is to get all high out of your mind and then go eat breakfast at 4am -- but not before dropping a handful of acid in the parking lot. I mean, Jesus, the unicorn can't even chew his fries. And while I did appreciate the inclusion of a dinosaur, this commercial is still sending the wrong message to today's youth. One about breakfast being the most important meal of the day. IT'S LUNCH, PEOPLE.
Thanks to Verity, who knows how much I love dinosaurs. But not how much I love leprechauns. *wink* Just kidding, those little bastards are creeeeepy.
May 11 2009 Another Montauk Monster Washes Ashore
Remember the Montauk Monster? It's back. Well, another one at least. Escaped from the same top secret government facility as the first, this monster washed up on Southhold, Long Island, just across the bay from Montauk. AND THERE'S VIDEO. AND IT'S GROSS. BUT I'D STILL EAT IT. BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY.
Hit the jump for some guy poking the thing, holding hands with it, and singing Kumbaya and shit.
May 11 2009 Child Safety First: The Stroller Trike
The Taga Stroller Trike allows you to get some exercise while at the same time getting those pasty leeches of yours out from in front of the television -- and into traffic! HONK HONK, BEEP BEEP!
Taga isn't the first pedal powered vehicle with space to load up the kiddies, it does put add a few new levels of convenience to the way you schlep your offspring around.
For starters, it folds up so you can fit it in the car trunk for trips out of town. Then there's the wide range of attachments, including setups for two kids, covered seats for rainy days, and shopping baskets. You can even adjust the length of the Taga depending on what load you need to carry.
Sure, why not? Unfortunately, the Taga is currently only available in Europe because using your children as a protective shield from oncoming traffic is frowned upon here in the states. Which is exactly why I'm moving back in with my parents. Taco night! Ladies? Just a heads up though: if we mess around we have to do it with my bedroom door open.
Taga stroller/trike is an awesome way to bring the kids along on your trips. [dvice]
May 11 2009 Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat: Spiderman Fail
This is a video of Spiderman hurting himself in front of a bunch of children and being played off by a cat on a keyboard. Trust me, it'll all make sense after you watch it. Just kidding, it won't ever make sense. But it will always make awesome.
Thanks to Joemo, who once found Spiderman trapped in his own web and furiously pleasuring himself to a daddy longlegs.
May 11 2009 Hello Laaaaadies: The Pheromone Ring
Pheromone, named in honor of the goddess Pheromoneus, is Greek for "bonertime". Also, you're sort of being flipped off there in the picture, so consider that a little present from me to you. Anyway, this ring emits pheromones (Greek for "Spanish Booty Juice") whenever you push it in order to attract the men/women your way. Just like flies to honey. Or the Geekologie Writer to the guy in the dinosaur costume at his son's birthday party. Which *ahem* totally never happened (seriously, return my calls, I'd like to book you again).
Squeeze the side, and the S ring emits perfume juiced with pheromones. Three scents for each sex, all custom mixed.
You have to inject the perfumes into the ring with a hypodermic needle which is supposed to invoke the "clinical process" of getting ready for a date. The scent is released when you squeeze the side, causing the tiny piezo tubes to contract.
Hey, I don't care how it works, just as long as it does work. Now I am heading straight to the bar and I am going to pheromone (Greek for "my natural, onion-y musk") some chick RIGHT IN THE EYES. And, if that doesn't work, I'm going with Plan B: tranquilizer darts. I'm not the creep, you're the creep!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots of seduction.
May 11 2009 World's Smallest Cheeseburger Combo Meal
This is the world's smallest (and cutest) combo meal. It consists of a little cheeseburger with all the fixins, a very small fry, and a miniscule soda. It's all real too. Hit the jump to see just how small it is (burger is about 1" round), along with a link to more pictures of its making. No word on what kind of children's toy was included, but, if I had to guess, a choking hazard. Get it? Because it's so small. AAAAH, I DON'T GET IT EITHER!
Hit it lest you end up looking like Governer L. Phatt from LeChuck's Revenge. Monkey Island reference? MONKEY ISLAND REFERENCE! Who loves you?
Continue Reading " World's Smallest Cheeseburger Combo Meal "
May 11 2009 Another Day, Another Cosmic Eyeball
We've already seen God's hand, God's eye and the Eye of Sauron, so why not another cosmic ball of eye? This here is the latest in a batch of images from the Hubble Space Bubblescope of planetary nebula Knockout 4-55. Enter Punch-Out tie-in here. I AM THE L337 BLOGGAR!
Planetary nebulas have nothing to do with planets. They were named so because in early telescopes, they had the fuzzy look of planets in our outer solar system. In fact planetary nebulas sit throughout our galaxy. This one contains the outer layers of a red giant star that were expelled into interstellar space when the star was in the late stages of its life.Ultraviolet radiation emitted from the remaining hot core of the star ionizes the ejected gas shells, causing them to glow.
In the specific case of K 4-55, a bright inner ring is surrounded by a bipolar structure. The entire system is then surrounded by a faint red halo, seen in the emission by nitrogen gas. This multi-shell structure is fairly uncommon in planetary nebulae.
BOOM, YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WAS GETTING ASTRONOMY LESSONED! Now, for your astrology lesson: it's all bullshit. Also, you will make decisions soon. NO I AM NOT HIGH. Tell me, if eyes are the windows to one's soul, is a cosmic eye THE WINDOW TO ANOTHER DIMENSION?! And, if so, is there a dinosaur park there? ZOMG -- quick, tie me to a rocket engine!
Hubble Photographs Giant Eye in Space [yahoonews]
Thanks to Watch-303, who may or may not be operating out of Boulder/Denver region.
May 11 2009 MIT Builds World Of Warcraft Gaming Hut
Some gamers at MIT went and built a World of Warcraft 'pod' that contains everything a person would need to survive about three days while constantly playing WoW. Shitter? Check.
Inside, the gamer finds him/herself comfortable seated in front of the computer screen with easy-to-reach water, pre-packaged food, and a toilet conveniently placed underneath his/her custom-built throne.
When hungry, the gamer selects a food item ('Crunchy Spider Surprise', 'Beer Basted Ribs', etc.) and a seasoning pack. By scanning in the food items, the video game physically adjusts a hot plate to cook the item for the correct amount of time. The virtual character then jubilantly announces the status of the meal to both the gamer and the other individuals playing online: "Vorcon's meal is about to be done!" "Better eat the ribs while they're hot!" etc.
As much as I want to hate this, I've got to admit: I wouldn't mind having one. Looks equally suitable for raiding villages and your own little level 4 pants elf. Which, privacy curtain, hello?
Hit the jump for another shot and a better view of the schematic. Ha, remember when you used to make a privacy tent by pulling your bedsheet down from your loft in college? No? Me neither then.
Continue Reading " MIT Builds World Of Warcraft Gaming Hut "
May 11 2009 Cool: Punch-Out!! Commercial/Documentary
This is a commercial for the new Punch-Out!! coming to the Wii, and it is awesome. Doc is exactly what I thought he'd be like in real life. "You see, a comeback is like a yo-yo. You gonna go down, but you comin' right back. And then you may end up walkin' the dog." Truer words have never been spoken. Truer words have never been spoken. What's that? Oooh, good call -- except for BANGARANG.
Hit the jump for a commercial for the original Punch-Out!! (complete with Mike Tyson!)
Continue Reading " Cool: Punch-Out!! Commercial/Documentary "
May 10 2009 Aaah, I Got A Brick In My Eye!: LEGO Glasses
LEGO Sunglasses are the result of the famous toy manufacturer bedding French optics company Lynx Optique. Just some heavy petting and dry humping though. The glasses, which have the iconic LEGO nubbins on the sides, allow the wearer to pimp them out by attaching LEGO pieces. So now you can build a giant plastic Jesus on your face. Or a space shuttle. Or you could, I dunno, just slap a bunch of tranny minifigs on there. Style: I wear it like a paper bag helmet.
Lego sunglasses let you build your own fashion [dvice]
Thanks to Laura, who wears her LEGO sunglasses at night so she can watch me live and breathe my story lines.
May 10 2009 PEW PEW: Death Star Versus The Enterprise
Guess who wins. Here, I'll even give you a hint: not Endor. Ha, what do you mean it says 'Death Star Destroys Enterprise' right on the video? Well, you can't go around believing everything you hear. Did I say hear? I meant read. IT'S A TRAP!
Thanks to Evan, Antoekneeoh, Chris, who once barbecued an Ewok. It smelled like burnt fur. And to JC, who still ate some.
May 9 2009 Captain Ahab, The Harpoon!: Fail Whale Cake
Twitter user wildflourbakery went and made a fail whale cake for the Lawrence, Kansas Tweet Up. And I can safely say I have no idea what I just typed. Tweet Up? Fail whale? I AM ALL WIN FISH, SON!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and another, different fail whale cake.
Continue Reading " Captain Ahab, The Harpoon!: Fail Whale Cake "
May 9 2009 Konami Code Shows List Of Coded Websites
Entering the Konami Code on this page displays a list of other known Konami coded websites. I tried out several of them, and they all do different things. One started displaying zombies, one broke into the 'all your base are belong to us' cutscene and others didn't do jackshit. So yeah, feel free to email them if you know of any others. Or, share them in the comments here. But don't go trying to trick me into visiting an adult website, or my mom will take away my internet. And then, no Geekologie. And without Geekologie, ______________.
FILL IN THE BLANK CONTEST!
Thanks to This Is Me Posting and Adubbz, who once beat Contra without using the code. Just kidding, nobody has.
May 9 2009 Kill It!: How A Roomba Cleans A Room
This is the path a Roomba took to clean a room. As you can see, it's pretty haphazard. But what did you expect -- it's just a stupid robot. Honestly, I'm surprised the little deviant didn't spend the whole time pleasuring itself in the corner by repeatedly running over a power cord.
The shot was taken by shutting off all the lights in the room for 30 minutes and taking a long exposure of the path the Roomba took while cleaning up.
While I despise all things robotic, I've got to admit -- whoever took the pic must have balls of triple platinum. Leaving a robot alone in a dark room for a half hour? That's crazy talk.
Long-Exposure Shot of a Roomba's Path Shows Beautifully Organized Chaos [gizmodo]
May 8 2009 Star Trek Band Warp 11 Releases New Album
Just in time for the new movie, Star Trek band Warp 11 has released a new album entitled "I Don't Want to Go to Heaven as Long as They have Vulcans in Hell". It includes such sure to be classics as: Jim Beam Me Up, Betazoid Mind F%%k, Beam into Me, They Put Creatures in Our Bodies, Suds Me Up Sulu (Mirror Mirror), and What Would William Shatner Do? This is the promo video for said album. And, if you can get past the two dudes in the heart-shaped tub, the music is actually pretty good. Unfortunately, it's hard to get past the two guys in the bathub, so skip to 0:20.
BWHAHAHAHA, did I say I say 0:20 -- I meant 0:45. Suckers!
Thanks to Ryan and Steve, who once pushed their bikes up the steepest hill they could find and then rode them down at Warp 12. And to Karl, the man in the tub himself.
May 8 2009 Brotherly Hate: Now With More Lightsaber!
This kid is pure evil -- just look at him. If evil were a Tetris level on Game Boy, this kid would be a 20. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if, in a few years, I heard he'd brought a lightsaber to school in his backpack.
Thanks to Romeo, who once broke his thumb shooting ping pong balls out of his mouth at his babysitter. Just kidding, that was me.
May 8 2009 Man Builds Scrap Massage Chair For Wife
Lin Shuseng, too cheap to buy his wife one of those $4 battery operated personal massagers (or one of the more expensive ones that looks like a wand that women use to, you know, stir the soup), decided instead to spend 8 years building her a scrap metal massage chair to soothe her painful joints (she suffered in the meantime). Wow, Lin, that's real love right there. Also, the chair from Saw. OMG YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HER!
Chinese retiree uses scrap to create steampunk robo-massage chair [dvice]
May 8 2009 Pillow Laptop: Working Never Felt So Zzzzz
This is a pillow that looks like a laptop. It's nonfunctional (as a computer, fully functional as a sleep aid), but soft. I don't even know if they're for sale, but let's be honest, you wouldn't buy one if they were. Oh you would? *yelling down to the basement* Say, it doesn't have to be sweatshop free, does it? Anyway, I think we can all agree this laptop brings new meaning to the phrase, "passing out on your laptop and puking into the keys and then it catching fire and torching your eyebrows off", doesn't it? Well I think it does.
This Is the Best Laptop in the World (Or At Least the Softest) [gizmodo]
Thanks to trishna87, who once fell asleep on a netbook and woke up in a web. Spiderman is an online predator.
May 8 2009 Computer Repairman Breaks Into Office, Steals Hard Drive, Charges To Fix It
Kevin Andrew Lutes (28, of 2121 Cypress Road, Bethlehem, PA) is probably the best computer repairman ever. EVER.
Lutes, who had fixed computers for Action Realty in the past, was called the day after the break-in to repair the broken computer's hard drive. He told the owner he could retrieve her lost data and files.
Meanwhile, the owner of the company called the computer manufacturer, who told her it was impossible to retrieve the data without the hard drive. Police then discovered Lutes' car, with a computer repair sticker on the door, was seen parked in front of the office on the night of the break-in.On Friday, Lutes brought the computer back with all the lost data and tried to charge the company $50 an hour for 40 hours of work.
Wow, $2,000 to return the computer you stole, that's just good business if you ask me. Get the Better Business Bureau on the phone, I think somebody in Bethlehem deserves a medal. It's baby Jesus!
Computer repairman charged with theft [morningcall]
Thanks to John and Reanda, a married couple who Geekologie together. Nice, guys, I like your style.
May 8 2009 Hustler Makes Star Trek Themed Adult Film
Star Trek porn is nothing new (SO I'VE HEARD) but Hustler is aiming to take the cake with their latest Star Trek themed adult video, 'This Ain't Star Trek XXX' (weak title). This is the trailer for the it, which drops May 12th. Feel free to watch it at work -- it doesn't show anything bad. Then hit the jump for a blooper outtake from the video, which is safe as well. So, what do you think -- summer blockbuster or summer nutbuster? I'm going with neither.
Hit it for the blooper.
Continue Reading " Hustler Makes Star Trek Themed Adult Film "
May 8 2009 Facebook Konami Code, Pirate Language
If you enter the Konami code (↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A ENTER -- don't do in a text box) after logging into Facebook you get a lens flare effect anytime you click, scroll or type anything. Good times. Unless you're epileptic, in which case, dangerous times. Also, if you scroll to the bottom of the page on the left where it has language selection, you can click on that and then choose 'English (Pirate)' to change Facebook to pirate talk. So yeah, pirate it up and then join the Geekologie Fan Page (if you haven't already) so we can all get together and hunt for treasure and shit. Also, I may send a couple of you L337 mateys on top secret missions (possibly with a liquor store involved). After all, you do want to appease the captain, don't you? NO? Then it's the plank for you, you barnacle loving scalawag! Oh, but be a doll and fetch me a grog first.
Thanks to Ian, Joemo, dboucher, matty, mark, Amanda and Liesel, who all sail under the colors of Geekologie.
May 7 2009 Good News: Disney Relocates Employees Normally Responsible For Finding And Deleting Boobs In Roller Coaster Pictures
You know how there's a camera that takes a picture of you on the steepest drop of a roller coaster? And then the park tries to peddle said photo after you get off the ride? Yeah, well Disney used to have boob-scanning personnel that would look at all the pictures before they appeared to patrons so no child would catch an eyeful. But now, thanks to the economy, not any more! So get out there and flaunt it! Boobs. I'm talking boobs, not penises.
And, since I love you, I included the NSFW NSFW NSFW uncensored version of the picture above after the jump.
May 7 2009 IT'S A TRAP!: The Admiral Ackbar Outtakes
This is a video of the outtakes from Admiral Ackbar's iconic "It's a trap!" scene from Return of the Jedi. As you'll see, they tested several different dialogue options before settling on the one in the movie. Most of the others involved an exchange similar to the following:
"Admiral, something hit me."
"IT'S A SLAP."
Pfft, I've already come up with like a million of these. Including, and virtually limited to, "Admiral, what's that smear?"
Thanks to Nick, who used to bullseye womprats on Tatooine.
May 7 2009 Spock: Upside Down And Looking Spool-y
Deborah Sperber made this rendering of everyone's favorite elf (sacrilege!), Spock, using 1,102 spools of colored thread. But to view Spock's visage properly, one must gaze into a crystal viewing ball while rubbing it and repeating "I love The Geekologie Writer" three times. Then, I will leap out of the piece, shirtless atop my snow-white unicorn. You will squeal with delight and rush towards me with open arms. Unfortunately, this will spook my mount, which will gore you upon its crystalline horn. I will not touch your dead boob.
Spock Spools [ibored]
Thanks to Mike, who knows quality romance when he reads it.
May 7 2009 Wow, That's Pretty Brutal: 8-Bit Fatalities
Flickr user tastypaints.com has a dream. A dream about what Mortal Kombat-style fatalities would look like in oldschool, 8-bit games. Nice, tastypaints (I'll keep him occupied, you call the nuthouse).
Before Mortal Kombat, violence in video games was largely unheard of or ignored because of its extreme pixelized simplicity. But when Liu Kang and Sub Zero came along to finish off arcade goers the world changed and parents were in an uproar (not mine though).
Just because you didn't see pac-man violently tearing into the ghosts with his jaws, or mario smashing in the brains of a goomba, thats what I knew was happening. I knew my goal was to kill these enemies, so Mortal Kombat wasn't a big change for me. And so, I decided to show everyone just what I imagined was happening when these little blocky, pixelized abstractions did when they came into contact with eachother, but in a much more visceral, and gory way than could ever be shown with limited graphical systems.
Interesting, tastypaints (are they on their way -- did you tell them to bring a straitjacket?). Hit the jump for two more, and then check out the Flickr gallery to see them all. Haha, they're here! Tastypaints you are going away for a long, long time you demented little -- NO NOT ME, HIM! WHAT IN THE....DAMN YOU, GEEKOLOGIE READER! Well played.
Hit it.
Continue Reading " Wow, That's Pretty Brutal: 8-Bit Fatalities "
May 7 2009 Duke Nukem Forever Is Not Happening :(
In news that should surprise no one, apparently Duke Nukem Forever, the much anticipated follow up title in development since 1997(!!!), is being scrapped. I guess that's what happens when you take 12 years to develop a game.
Game On just received a somewhat cryptic form-email from development studios Deep Silver and Apogee Entertainment (a legal alias for 3D Realms) stating, simply, that "Deep Silver and Apogee Software are not affected by the situation at 3D Realms" and that "Development on the Duke Nukem Trilogy is continuing as planned." No further details were offered, or reference made to what the "situation at 3D Realms" actually is.
The situation, I suspect, is pissing money into a game for 12 years and seeing no return. I mean, I'm not financial analyst or anything, but I do know I want to ring the bell at the NYSE someday.
Duke Nukem For-Never? 3D Realms Shutting Down [pcworld]
Thanks to JMR and Nathan, who remember Duke when he was just Duke Napalmem.
May 7 2009 FAKE: Shadow Chair's Shadows Are All Wrong
The $1,050 Shadow Chair may appear to defy the laws of decency, but it's actually not. IT'S A TRAP TRICK! SPOILER ALERT: The shadow is actually part of the chair's frame. HIYO -- I bet you didn't see that coming, did you? You did? Oh, well aren't you just the little Sherlock Geekologie Reader!? Well riddle me this then: if a train departs Washington DC traveling north at 60 MPH, and another one leaves NYC going south at 55 MPH, does anyone get groped on the subway in Japan? Probably -- and that's just wrong.
Hit the jump for a picture of the seat in action.
Continue Reading " FAKE: Shadow Chair's Shadows Are All Wrong "
May 7 2009 It's Math!: Snatch + Star Wars = Snatch Wars
NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE. AND I SAY SLIGHTLY BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO MAKE OUT WHAT THE GUY IS EVER SAYING. WATCHING AT FULL VOLUME RECOMMENDED.
You may have seen this already because it came out in December, and if you have, you only have yourself to blame for not sending it to me earlier. I could have made you a star. But instead, Josh and Lewis are gobbling up all your internet fame. Ladies, Josh and Lewis. Josh and Lewis, ladies. See? Now these two are hanging out with a bunch of topless models by a pool ON THE MOON. Just sayin', I have power. But not water. It's all good though because I just turn on the neighbor's hose after he goes to sleep. And I mean that sexually as hell. Anyway, this is a video mashup of scenes from Star Wars with the audio from Snatch called Snatch Wars. Which, I'll admit, I felt was more than a little misleading.
Thanks Josh and Lewis, your topless models are in the mail. Gosh, I hope I remembered to poke breathing holes this time.
May 7 2009 Lose Weight, Somehow: The Boneless Belt
The Boneless Belt is a Japanese weight loss product that's supposed to help you shed the pounds. From the look of things, I'm gonna guess it's far less effective than exercise or tying a dry cleaning bag over your head. But hey, different strokes for different folks gullible idiots.
In effect, the structure of the rubber belt is a large mesh grid that splits the dieter's belly, side and back fat into easily manageable blobs. This allows for increased metabolic consumption of calories and raises the propensity for increased blood flow values. More blood flow = more heat = more burning of fat.
Wow, that was really convincing. And by really convincing I mean I want to pop that shit like a sheet of bubble wrap! *SNAP POP BANG*
Boneless Belt Separates Your Fat Into Small Segments, Shames You [gizmodo]
May 6 2009 Just What We Need: Robots On Facebook
That's right folks, Facebook, long considered one of humanity's last strongholds, is being breached by robots. Warning: under no circumstances should you accept a robot's friend request. And don't let them fool you with Superpokes and Virtual Drinks, THEY SHOULD BE CONSIDERED METALIZED AND DANGEROUS.
Researchers are giving a robot its own Facebook profile page to help foster meaningful relationships with people. The page will be populated with interactions the robot has with people as well as photos of the time it spends in human company.Its creators hope that embedding it in a social web will give rise to a sustainable friendship can grow up between man and machine.
Umm, how about NO THANKS. Now how in the hell are we supposed to tell friend from robotic foe? I swear, if I catch that robobastard trying to infiltrate the Geekologie Fan page, it is GAME OVER AND LIGHTS OUT. Then lights back on while I find my stuffed dinosaur. THEN LIGHTS OUT AGAIN AND A BUNCH OF GROANING AND RAWR!
Robot to create Facebook profile [bbcnews]
Thanks to ffffffffffffffffff, Aaron, Bilal, Gareth, Kim and Dylan "Free Sex!", who should totally take the 'What Disney Princess Are You' quiz that I just did. I'm Belle!
May 6 2009 Another Day, Another Star Wars Wedding
Duncan Thomson, 41, and Sammi Gardiner, 39, just got married on Star Wars Day in a Star Wars themed ceremony. And you know what they say about a couple that Star Warses together: they, uh, probably go to conventions and collect action figures?
During the wedding, Mr Thomson told his bride: "I promise to protect you from carbon freezing and promise to protect you from the Dark Side, through hyperspace and into the far reaches of the galaxy."
The couple had to remove certain Star Wars references from the 20-minute civil service because "Jedi" is a recognised religion, he added.The bride's ring was made out of meteorite found in Canyon Diablo in the US, engraved with: "May the 4th be with you."
The couple, from the Isle of Wight, even invited the movie's director George Lucas, who wrote back to them saying he was unable to attend.
Oh really, George was 'unable to attend', huh? Do you think he was really unable or just TOO BUSY BEING A GIANT DICK AND TURNING HIS BACK ON HIS FANS. *flicking George the bird* You see this, George -- this one's for you. Yeah, and this ain't no regular bird either -- that's a Millennium Falcon, bitch!
Star Wars inspires couple's bizarre sci-fi wedding [telegraph]
Thanks to Tiago, who plans to marry in a Geekologie-themed wedding. Nice, Tiago, but NO ROBOTS.
May 6 2009 Needs Work: First US Full-Face Transplant
46-year old Connie Culp was nearly killed when her deranged husband literally blasted her face off with a shotgun in 2004. But now, five years later, she has a new face thanks to a recently deceased organ donor (sign your cards!).
She endured 30 operations to try to fix her face. Doctors took parts of her ribs to make cheekbones and fashioned an upper jaw from one of her leg bones. She had countless skin grafts from her thighs. Still, she was left unable to eat solid food, breathe on her own, or smell.
Then, on Dec. 10, in a 22-hour operation, Dr. Maria Siemionow led a team of doctors who replaced 80 percent of Culp's face with bone, muscles, nerves, skin and blood vessels from another woman who had just died. It was the fourth face transplant in the world, though the others were not as extensive."Here I am, five years later. He did what he said -- I got me my nose," Culp said of Djohan, laughing.
I got me my nose, I got me my nose. My goodness what a heartwarming story. Uncensored picture is after the jump, and, not to be insensitive, but it is a little rough on the eyes. Kind of like a belt sander, but with lasers attached. Seriously though, great job, guys.
You have been warned, now hit it.
Continue Reading " Needs Work: First US Full-Face Transplant "
May 6 2009 Say Bye To Dromedary Digit!: The Cuchini
The Cuchini is a real product made by the two women in the picture (Kelly and Christy, NOT the camel-woman) and helps prevents undesired camel toe.
The Cuchini is a comfortable, light-weight material that adheres to any undergarment (panties, bikini, sports attire, etc). It smoothes the ridges of a woman's mons pubis area providing a smooth and camouflaged appearance. This eliminates what is commonly known as "Camel Toe."
The Cuchini sells in a pack of 2 for $15, but if you're cheap, you could probably just use a shoe horn. Personally, I don't see what's wrong with a little camel toe. Hell, or even some moose knuckle. But when you start talking mammoth knee, well....I like that too!
Thanks to Laylia and Elroy, who almost got spit on by a camel at the petting zoo. And to Where The Hell Is My Camera Charger?, whose parents must really hate him.
May 6 2009 My God That's Classy: The Redneck Tanktop
This picture, taken at what I assume was a NASCAR race, shows a redneck flaunting the latest in must-have summerwear, a, um, pair of underwear cut out to wear as a tank top. Unfortunately, there's no shot of what it looks like from the front, so we'll just have to use our imaginations. I'm imagining stained.
Ladies And Gentlemen - The Red Neck Tank Top [themovieblog]
Thanks to Dimi, who once wore a tube sock as a headband.
May 6 2009 OLD Hover Scooter Is OLD, From The '60's
The Hover Scooter may have made its debut in December, 1960, but that doesn't make it any less the vehicle I want to ride to work everyday. Also, if any of you ladies are interested in a lift I'll even mount a seat on the blower. And I'm not just saying that so I can make a 'If you can read this, my bitch got sucked into the intake' t-shirt, but, damnit you got me!
Hover Scooter [neatorama]
May 6 2009 Wait, What?: A Chocolate Powered Race Car
That's right, a team at Warwick University have developed a race car that's made out of vegetables and runs on chocolate. Of course, gumdrops and licorice sticks would have been cooler, but hey, you work with what you've got.
The racer isn't legal to race in the F3-series as chocolate-based fuels aren't on the approved list of energy sources, but that's not the point. The WorldFirst team is trying to prove green-racing doesn't have to mean boring-racing. They've used recycled materials in combination with fibers and extracts of fruits, vegetables and plants to create composites, materials and lubricants along the same vein as carbon fiber, plastics, and oil. It's based on the standard Lola chassis and despite the eco-friendliness, the car will still hit 145 MPH and corner like the real deal.
Well snap crackle pop! Plus, if you crash in the wilderness you can eat your car to survive. Double whammy! Now, here's your fun word fact for the day: race car is spelled the same forwards and backwards. It's a palindrome, just like "Wo! Nemo, Toss a Lasso to Me Now!" You know that joker Mr. Wizard that used to be on TV? Yeah, well I'm like his illegitimate cousin, Mr. Word Wizard. Except I don't invite neighborhood kids over to my house all the time BECAUSE THAT'S NOT HOW I ROLL.
WorldFirst ecoF3: A Chocolate-Powered Sustainable Race Car [jalopnik]
Thanks to Dr Freak, Thumperchica, Lisa, Stirling and James, who made a race car that was powered by dreams but crashed it when one of them had a nightmare.
May 6 2009 Reader Makes Periodic Table Of Superheroics
Geekologie Reader Mike took the time to make an awesome periodic table of superheroics. This is it. The picture is small though so click HERE to see the full, high-res version. Also, there's an alphabetical key provided after the jump, in case you can't figure out who some of them are. I dig it, Mike, but would it have killed you to include The Geekologie Writer for Ge? Just saying, one time I blogged from my roommate's closet while he had sex with his girlfriend and I screeched like a Pterodactyl the whole time. Does that make me the most super hero ever? Yes.
Hit the jump for the key.
Continue Reading " Reader Makes Periodic Table Of Superheroics "
May 5 2009 Superfailure Personal Ads: Consortium Of Evil Seeks Shadowhare's True Identity
That's right, "E" from the Cincinnati-based Consortium of Evil, put up a Craigslist ad seeking Shadowhare's true identity in order to put a stop to the do-gooder and his ragtag bag of spandex-laden friends. Plus, he's offering a hefty $10 reward. Which, even though I promised Shadowhare I wouldn't betray him, is too good to pass up. So, "E":
Shadowhare is -- are you sure you're ready for this? And I will get a $10 bill and not like 40 quarters, right? Okay, Shadowhare is -- can I get you a glass of water or something? No, I'm not stalling, of course I know who he is. I'm just trying to build suspense. Fine. Shadowhare is....a dork. BOOM -- Hamilton me, bitch!
Thanks to egleaves -- OR SHOULD I CALL YOU "E" FROM THE CONSORTIUM OF EVIL!?! egleaves? Okay.
May 5 2009 But Wait, There's More: Beer Pong Trick Shots
This is like 900 hours of beer pong trick shot footage cut down to 3:41. I'm sure most of you will hate it, but there will always be a soft spot in my heart for college-aged boys playing with their ba...ba...ba...buddies. Haha, you thought I was gonna say balls. I HAVE WHAT THEY CALL SELF CONTROL! Also, a Master's degree in Geekologie. mE=mcAwesome!
Thanks to Dave, who, for the tip, can play on my team at the weekly beer pong tournament at Orange Ball in Rockville, MD. Airfare not included, sorry buddy.
May 5 2009 We Are Not Alone: Alien Skull Spotted On Mars
That's right folks, we now have 100% conclusive evidence there are, in fact, dead aliens on Mars. Or rocks, possibly just rocks.
Internet forums are full of chatter about the picture, taken by a panoramic NASA camera known as Spirit.
One alien-spotter speculated: "The skull is 15 cm with binocular eyes 5 cm apart. The cranial capacity is approximately 1400 cc."There appears to be a narrow pointed small mouth, so this creature most likely is a carnivore."
Another joked: "The coronal ridge shows ample structure to support the musculature of antennae, although none are visible in this view.
Joke now, but it's all fun and games until you wake up with an antennae in your you-know-what. And by 'you-know-what' I mean your girlfriend -- she's gonna cheat on you with an alien. Hey, don't cry, film it.
'Alien skull' spotted on Mars [telegraph]
Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and Julian, whose relationships with Martian lovers have all ended the same: with them getting the shaft. The cold, metal shaft.
May 5 2009 Sap Cap Is Actually A Weapon In Disguise
The Sap Cap is no ordinary headwear. Oh no, the baseball hat actually has a pocket of "unique impact material that is 110% the density of lead and will not rust" sewn into the back. Granted it's no Oddjob razor hat, but may do in a pinch (also: your clumsy ass would probably cut your own arm off with an Oddjob hat). Just remove the cap, hold by the brim, and proceed to brain your opponent. Now call me old fashioned, but I still prefer a sock full of quarters. Not only is it a lethal weapon, but you can also pay strangers' expired parking meters. But not too many! Lest you find yourself wielding an empty sock. Which, as I'm sure you all know, is only effective for beating yourself. BOOM SHACKA LACKA!
May 5 2009 Pfft, Who Needs Ears?: Pierced Glasses
Born without ears? Lose them in a samurai sword fight? Whatever the case, for those of you who have found yourself both aurally and ocularly challenged, you may want to consider pierced glasses. Pierced glasses are a pair of prescription eyeglasses that stay affixed to your ugly mug via a piercing through the nose. Pretty clever. Not as clever as just having Lasik surgery so you can shoot lasers out of your eyeballs, but hey, laser vision isn't for everyone. And, incidentally, neither are laser-wangs. Go ask The Superficial Writer why he's blind in one eye.
Pierced Eyeglasses [bmezine]
Thanks to Warfaremonkey, who wears a pierced hat and is now limited to the use of his animal brain like Phineas Gage.
May 5 2009 Guy Make Fully Functional Wolverine Claws
Not to be outdone by the Tomahawk Skull Gauntlet, some guy went and made his own fully functional Wolverine claws out of a bunch of copper tubing and sharp metal. They're surprisingly impressive and make pretty short work out of a cardboard box. Which, I think we can all agree, is humanity's real enemy. *SNIKT* Die, tree-zombie!
Hit the jump for a longer video of the assembly and dude giving them the ol' block of Styrofoam test (starting around 3:00).
Continue Reading " Guy Make Fully Functional Wolverine Claws "
May 5 2009 Spike Chair Is Ultra-Scary, Not Worth The Risk
You see that chair? Yeah, well imagine it with no glass seat and being lowered upon its spike with ropes. Did that just make your ass cry big brown tears of sadness? Because it should have. Known as the Judas Chair, the stool was used as a torture device back in the day (possibly by the Spanish Inquisition). Thank God we live in a tortureless society now, huh? Wait, what? Shit. :/
This take on the old classic was created by Russian designer Ton Guglya. Wow, I think I can safely say I'd rather stand. And this coming from a guy who once shared an overturned bar stool with three friends. Just sayin' -- reduce, reuse, recycle. Go green!
Stake Chair Makes My Delicate Parts Quiver in Terror [gizmodo]
May 5 2009 Hmm: Star Wars Weekends Advertisments
Star Wars Weekends are Star Wars themed weekends at Disney's Hollywood Studios theme park. Here at Geekologie we've already seen several examples of the perversion that goes on there. Well, these are the posters advertising Star Wars Weekends 2009, which, I think we can all agree, are in surprisingly poor taste. Look -- you see how that woman is clutching her purse? Racist.
Hit the jump for three more, all of which contain shocking discriminatory undertones.
May 4 2009 X-Rays Of Video Game Controllers & Consoles
Flickr user Reintji went and took a bunch of x-rays of video game consoles and controllers, from both today and yesteryear. And also, the future. Just kidding, no future. If time machines existed you'd know it because I'd be writing steamy romance novels about the time I banged a dinosaur but was left only partially satisfied because the third member of our ménage à trois got eaten by a Megalosaurus on the way to the party. So yeah, what I just said. Boom, great tie-in.
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more (use file names for identification) and a link to the full Flickr gallery.
Continue Reading " X-Rays Of Video Game Controllers & Consoles "
May 4 2009 Cool: Sampling Youtube To Make New Songs
What you are about to see is a mix of unrelated Youtube videos/clips editing together to create ThruYou. In other words - what you see is what you hear.
This is the first one of seven different tracks, so if you like it go check out the others. And if you don't, well, no one cares. But don't let that stop you from leaving a Geekologie comment complaining about it. We'll all pretend to care and/or believe you could do better, won't we guys? Guys? Ha, I guess we won't. Suck it!
Thanks to Riki, Amir and Patrick, who once sampled over 100 different candies in one day and all got tummy aches.
May 4 2009 Steampunk 'Massager' Really Steam Powered
This steampunk vibrator was created by metal worker Ani Niow and really works, provided you don't mind melting your hand off to pleasure yourself (I came close once after a 14 hour marathon).
While it technically does run off steam, Niow cautions you'll need to wear insulated welding gloves to handle it without getting burned. This is why she's temporarily using compressed air for now.
If she can secure a smaller portable boiler she'll give the thing a run at full power, as was intended.
Good looking, Ani, I like a hint of danger in my sex life. Reminds me of the time I used a live crocodile for a condom.
Fully Functional Steampunk Vibrator Might Scald Your Privates [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who tried dating a toaster but ended up getting burned.
May 4 2009 Uh-Oh: A New 'Zombie' Strain Of Swine Flu
The BBC is reporting a new 'zombie' (H1Z1) strain of swine flu that is capable of resuscitating the recently dead. Holy sawed-off shotgun shit!
After death, this virus is able to restart the heart of it's victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believe to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during "resurrection."
If you haven't guessed, this is fake as hell, but the story looks like a genuine BBC article (see picture). The only catch is it's hosted on another website (bounce.with.me.uk). Still, you can probably trick at least a few of your dumber friends into buying it. And, if they do fall for it (and they are ladies), I want you to convey a message for me: I'm the world's greatest lover.
EU quarantines London in flu panic [bouncwith]
Thanks to herbert, Trin, Alex 'Bloody Shadow' and andrew, who tricked all their friends into drinking the Kool-Aid and are now all friendless.
May 4 2009 Chuck E. Cheese Gropes Woman's Bosom?
Don't even bother asking what sort of Photoshop trickery I used to make that mirror image, because I won't tell you. Suffice it to say, it was some seriously L337 shit.
Allegedly, an employee dressed as Chuck E. Cheese (now to be known as Chuck E. Copafeel) grabbed some woman's breast in an incident that occurred last August at the restaurant and play palace of the same name (Chuck E. Cheese, not 'some woman's breast'). The picture is of the incident.
"He looked at her, reached out, grabbed her breast and moved along," said Mark Potashnick, Sorbello's attorney. "Her jaw dropped in shock and disgust."
Her stepfather captured in incident in a photo but didn't know it until after they reviewed the pictures, the lawyer said.Sorbello accuses Thigpen and the restaurant of assault, battery and discrimination in public accommodation. She's asking for unspecified compensation, including punitive damages and attorney's costs.
Assault and battery? I dunno, I'm a little suspect it's taken 9 months to file suit. And that the picture shows what I would describe as a 'shoulder pat fail'. Or, that it just so happens we're in the middle of a recession. Now I'm not trying to discredit Sorbello's claims, I'm just saying, hey, at least it wasn't a kid.
Also, if anybody comes across a higher res version of the picture, hit me with it -- I'll let you touch my butt.
Chuck E Cheese character groped breast, suit says [stltoday]
Thanks to Matthew and Cougar78, who practically wrote the post for me. Thanks guys!
May 4 2009 These Beats Are Fresh!: Slap Chop Remix
This is music-video remix of Vince "bitch, that's my tongue" Shlomi's famous Slap Chop commercial. It drove me crazy and I was this close to jamming a butter knife into a wall outlet. But, I must admit, whoever made it did do a good editing job. So, whoever you are, my hat's off to you. But my pants -- well, I'm saving those for you, ma'am.*
*Meet me in the back of the bus.
Youtube
via
Slap Chop Remix Breathes New Life Into Worthless Gadget, Vince's Career? [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian and Noah, who once slap chopped a bunch of ninjas in the face and made them cry throwing stars. True story.
May 4 2009 Tattooed Barbie: You're No Daughter Of Mine!
Mattel's new 'Totally Stylin' Barbie doll comes with a bunch of sticker tattoos you can apply all over her forehead and neck to make her look way more totally stylin'. Make her a little R2-D2 backpack and that is one fine piece of plastic ass (note to self: verify Barbie's age before using this). Plus, the doll comes with a fake tattoo gun and ink tattoos so your daughters (and sons) can apply tattoos to themselves! Shockingly, some parents aren't cool with the idea.
Barbie-maker Mattel has said the tattooed Barbie provides a way for kids to "be creative" with the doll. Some parents, naturally, see it differently, suggesting that a "Totally Pierced Barbie" or a "Divorce Barbie" could come next.
As for the tattooed Barbie, Mattel says it's selling better than expected and there are no plans to pull it from the product lineup.
Personally, I don't care, but that may just be because I don't have any daughters. No, I'm the proud father of three very handsome boys (woman always on top). Just kidding. But now that you know how they're made, ladies?
Tattooed Barbie Stirs Up Controversy [inquisitr]
and
Amazon Product Page
Thanks to Steven, whose daughters are only allowed to play with G.I. Joe's.
May 4 2009 Stylin' And Profilin': An R2-D2 Backpack
Well folks, today is Star Wars Day. What in the hell is Star Wars Day?
May 4 is called Star Wars Day because of a pun or play on words based on the similarity between "May the 4th be with you" and "May the force be with you", a phrase often spoken in the Star Wars movies.
Nice, Star Wars Day and then Cinco de Mayo, l feel a bender coming on. Also, possibly swine flu. But before I start pounding the brewhahas, here's a $65 R2-D2 bookbag. I want one, but they're currently sold out. So yeah, that's kind of putting a damper on my Star Wars Day festivities. But not for long because I just took like four doses of glitterstim spice! You feel that? I'm probing your mind. Aaaaaaaand now I'm wishing I hadn't.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to the product page.
Continue Reading " Stylin' And Profilin': An R2-D2 Backpack "
May 3 2009 Zombie Defense Training For Little Kids
This is a video of some little Japanese kids being trained to fight zombies. And let me tell you -- they are cute as little buttons. Remember folks, teach your kids how to properly protect themselves against attacks from the undead. Because otherwise you're gonna have to explain to your parents how a zombie ate their grandchild. And they will be pissed.
Thanks to Shun, whose children are all comfortable wielding sawed-off shotguns.
May 3 2009 Sure: Art Student Paints Car To Be Invisible
University of Lancashire art student Sara Watson painted an old Skoda Fabia to appear invisible when looked at from just the right angle. This happens to be the right angle. If you were standing next to it it would just look like a spraypainted piece of shit. Still, good looking, Sara. You, not the car. Let's do it.
Hit the jump for one more picture.
Continue Reading " Sure: Art Student Paints Car To Be Invisible "
May 3 2009 Dinosaur 'Blood' Extracted From Fossils
And I couldn't be happier. I'm gonna be Jurassic Parking it before you can say, "Geekologie Writer, are you sure you want to go into the raptor pen?" To which I will reply, "oh I'm sure. I'm sure".
A dinosaur bone buried for 80 million years has yielded a mix of proteins and microstructures resembling cells.
[Scientists] report recovering not just collagen - which conveys little evolutionary information because it is the same in almost all animals - but also haemoglobin, elastin and laminin, as well as cell-like structures resembling blood and bone cells. The proteins should reveal more about dinosaur evolution because they vary much more between species.
Haemoglobin baby! This particular fossil came from a hadrosaurid (duck-billed dinosaur), so I guess I'm boning them first. But hopefully they'll be able to score some blood from one of those flying bastards. 65 million years in the making, The Geekologie Writer joins the mile-high club.
First dino 'blood' extracted from ancient bone [newscientist]
Thanks to b00geyman, who better not be hiding under my bed tonight. And to Zmann966 and trishna87, who are celebrating an anniversary today. Happy anniversary guys!
May 2 2009 Weed Copter Spots The Pot, Alerts The Cops
The 'Canna Chopper' is an unmanned miniature helicopter fitted with "odor and video detection instruments" that locates your field of (pipe) dreams in the Netherlands and notifies authorities. Needless to say, it's the polar opposite of a ROFLCOPTER.
On its maiden voyage it managed to locate a cannabis farm and officers arrested seven growers and recovered several kilos of the outlawed weed. Now all it needs is a gun attached to its underside and it could make its own arrests.
Robot, kill it. And also, stay the hell away from my basement, nothing to see down there. Smell -- what smell? Well, can't say I didn't warn you. *pew pew*
Dutch 'Canna Chopper' sniffs out cannabis fields from the air [dvice]
Thanks to twellve and Mr. Fancy, who are both smart enough to know that drugs your screw up brain real bad.
May 2 2009 DO NOT WANT: Worst MacBook Pro Ever
Ryan went to Best Buy to buy a MacBook Pro. And he did. Or so he thought. Then he brought it home and realized it was a brick. A real brick! Still, it's a step up from rocks.
When I got home I opened the box and found a paving stone packed with bubble wrap, instead of the Macbook Pro. I returned to the store and the manager, "Keith", was not too willing to help me out. He kept falling back on the line "Apple seals the boxes, not us. Take it up with Apple."
I have sent an email to Best Buy corporate and have contacted my credit card company. Unfortunately, they can't do anything until the charge posts.So right now, I paid $2164.89 for a very nice red brick.
ZOMG, I've burnt stores to the ground for less. Like that drug store that was out of Magnums. Okay, that never happened. But if it did....
I wouldn't know what to do with all that penis!
$2164.89 Paving Stone in a MacBook Pro Box Looks Nice, But Won't Run Photoshop [consumerist]
Thanks to Jeremy, who thought he was buying a cinder block but it turned out to be a Ferrari. You lucky dog!
May 2 2009 On Camera: Bus Driver Crashes While Texting
He's not just driving any bus either, he's sporting that short joint (see man in wheelchair tethered in the back). Jesus. Dude texts for six minutes straight before finally rear-ending somebody. You'd think being on camera would be enough to deter this sort of behavior, but no, it's not. This is almost as bad as your middle school bus driver drinking and smoking the whole ride. Miss you Mrs. Wright! Madison County (AL) Public Schools Bus #114 FTW!
Bus Driver Crashes While Texting [break]
Thanks to Brandon, who once piloted a bus off a cliff but downshifted right before he hit the ground and drove off without a scratch.
May 1 2009 DIY: How To Get Out Of Jury Duty (Sort Of)
Erik Slye (he is too), 36, of Gallatin County, Monatana really, really, REALLY didn't want to serve on a jury after being summoned for duty. So what did he do? Wrote a nasty letter. His affidavit to the court follows, in case you can't read it in the picture.
Apparently you morons didn't understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I'm not putting my family's well being at stake to participate in this crap. I don't believe in our "justice" system and I don't want to have a goddam thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury. Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the F--k alone.
Way to hero it up, Erik. "The document, of course, did not sit well with court officials and led a judge to threaten to jail Slye. But after being summoned to court, Slye apologized for the affidavit and avoided being cited on a criminal failure to appear rap. And he also was excused from serving on a jury." Wow. So I guess sometimes writing a nasty letter really does work. Oh, and Erik -- neuter the dog, bro.
New Wrinkle On Avoiding Jury Duty [thesmokinggun]
Thanks to The Jerk and Joemo, who found jury duty a great time to peruse the Geekologie archives.
May 1 2009 iSnort App: All The Cool Kids Are Doing It
iSnort is a bootleg iPhone app that makes it appear as though you're cutting up coke and snorting it. Unfortunately, it's not even a real app. It's just a video that you have to choreograph your movements to (the iPhone's touchscreen doesn't respond to heavily abused credit cards or rolled up bills). That said, you can pick it up for £5 at their website. Or, put that money towards some real nose candy. Yeah, I'm talking that good shit. Model airplane glue.
TheiSnort
via
Perfect Cocaine Simulator Will Never Make It to the iPhone App Store [gizmodo]
Thanks to prestoner, who will be building his first gravity bong in no time. *sniff* They grow up so fast.
May 1 2009 Tactical Crossbow Mounts On AR-15 Stock
The PSE TAC-15 Crossbow costs $1,300 and mounts to the receiver of an AR-15 (not included). It is a serious piece of killing equipment and should not be purchased by children under the age of 9.
This crossbow is mounted on the skeleton of an AR-15 assault rifle and has a scope. A handy feature of the skeleton, by the way, is the "picatinny rail system." Long story short is you can slide a grenade launcher in there as an add-on.
Hell yeah, I want like nine of these things. Four for each arm and one for my penis. Oh, you don't think he can shoot a crossbow? *KATWANG* Oh snap, you just got SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND MY WANG'S TO BLAME, YOU GIVE LOOOOVE....hello? HELLO? *doot doo doo*
PSE TAC-15 Crossbow Does Not Dick Around [spike]
Thanks to Isaac and Calvin, who promise me heaven but put me through hell.
May 1 2009 Society For Prevention Of Cruelty To Robot
I want these people (if they are people) found, and I want them TERMINATED!
The American Society For The Prevention Of Cruelty To Robots (ASPCR)
Thanks to Greg, who took some initiative and called the FBI to report a new terrorist threat.
May 1 2009 Cincinnati Has Its Own Superheroes, Both Super And Hero Debatable (Can I Join?)
Finally, Cincinnati has it's own superheros. Shadow Hare, a 21-year old masked vigilante, prowls the streets while leading a ragtag bag of other assholes crimefighters known as The Allegiance of Heroes (MUST SEE hero pep rally at 1:07). And, apparently, this isn't a unique phenomenon -- there's actually a World Superhero Registry (ANOTHER MUST SEE), showcasing all the real-life heroes operating around the globe. Which, after viewing, has inspired me to start my own group of crimefighters (now accepting applications). I'm thinking 'GW and the Nut-Busting Crusaders Of Truth And Cool Costumes'. Too professional?
Hit the jump for parts 2 and 3 of the news story about Shadow Hare. Trust me, best way to spend your Friday afternoon. ALLEGIANCE ASSEMBLE!
Continue Reading " Cincinnati Has Its Own Superheroes, Both Super And Hero Debatable (Can I Join?) "
May 1 2009 Swine Flu Origin, Self Diagnosis Website
If you haven't seen this already, allegedly, this is how it all began (but not really, so PLEASE don't email me about it). And, with the world in hysterics, DoIHaveSwineFlu.org has developed a web-based self diagnostic tool for the detection of swine flu. It takes just one minute to complete, so I urge you all to take the time to run through it, just to be on the safe side. Go on, do it for me. Well? Be honest. ZOMG, YOU HAVE IT DON'T YOU?!? Jesus, don't leave a comment -- you'll kill us all!
Thanks to Bailey, trishna87 and Michael, who are holding out for the ewe flu.
May 1 2009 Don't Buy .tv Domain Names, Island Is Sinking
If you try to register a website with a .tv domain (country code for Tuvalu) from Godaddy, a pop-up warns you that the island is sinking and recommends you reconsider. I have no idea what this has to do with anything, just thought I'd pass it along in case you were in the market. And not just because I get a cut of all .gw domains registered, but I do. Guinea-Bissau: where the internet happens. Impressed? You should be, I came up with that slogan all by myself. Geekologie: where geniusness happens. Oh shit -- I just did it again!
Godaddy: Don't Buy dot-TV Domains, The Island is Sinking. [boingboing]
Thanks to Chris, who started a petition to create .crs domains, but the idea was shot down by an old World War II fighter plane.
May 1 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Growing Plants On The Moon
Paragon Space Development Corporation, a NASA subcontractor, has decided to take a stab at growing plants in a specially designed greenhouse on the moon. THE MOON! The attempt will take place in 2012, so we may or may not get to see if it works before the world ends.
In order to successfully grow a plant on the moon, Paragon has developed a very specialized greenhouse that can safely contain a plant and provide it with all elements it needs to survive. The greenhouse will need to protect the plant from the sun's intense rays while providing it with enough water, balanced soil, and carbon dioxide while removing its waste oxygen.
Paragon has chosen a species within Brassica (the mustard family), due to their quick growth and the abundance of knowledge about the plant. A typical Brassica needs 14 days of light in order to grow, flower and then set seed. A lunar day is 14 Earth days long, so if the landing is timed perfectly, it will allow just enough time for the plant to grow to maturity and possibly re-seed.
Nice, but you really think anyone cares about growing mustard on the moon? No, I'm convinced there's a much more diabolical motive behind this experiment. Namely, government space weed.
First Gardens on the Moon by 2012! [inhabitat]
Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and toast king, who once got high on Mars and thought they saw an alien. It was a rock.