Apr 8 2009Smart: Chimps Exchange Meat For Sex

monkey meat for sex.jpg

In a move that proves that chimps have created a much awesomer society than we have, researchers have discovered that males will trade meat to females in return for regular sexy times. And apparently the NOMs for PEWs exchange program is completely legit in their advanced legal system!

This is a long-term exchange, so males continue to share their catch with females when they are not fertile, copulating with them when they are.


"What's amazing is that if a male shares with a particular female, he doubles the number of times he copulates with her, which is likely to increase the probability of fertilising that female."

Yow yow! Is all this Animal Planet talk making anyone else in here steamy? I swear, meat for sex, that's even better than a handful of $20's! Now, where can I rent a monkey suit this far from Halloween? Also, hot wings. I'm gonna need hot wings.

Chimpanzees exchange meat for sex [bbcnews]

Thanks to Ross, who wants to come in the next life as a chimp.

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Reader Comments

FIRST

Chimps aren't monkeys.
dumbass.

Okay ladies...I'll except ribeyes and filets only.

@3 Nicely done.

"Meat for Sex" is what shaped our evolutionary process as well. Hence the hunter/gatherer relationship i.e. gender roles.
There are other primates who partake in this exchange as well, but the chimp practice is probably the most fascinating.

"Sex, Time, and Power: How female sexuality shaped our evolution" is an excellent book. I highly recommend it, and this "Meat for Sex" exchange done by chimps is explained indepth, as well as other primate activites that show a similarity to us and our evolution.

monkey whores!!

where is your creationism now you religious asshats

See males still have to take the females out for dinner to get sex. That settles it, I am opening the first monkey McDonalds! McMonkey anyone?

@6: ask your mother where the creationism is, son. I just took her to heaven by nailing her right in her blue monkey butt.

On a side note: where the hell does a chimp get meat from?

WTF?

taking them out on a date, buying them flowers... whores just simply let you give them the money you would have spent on a date that wouldnt nessicarily guarentee the sex...

...whores are doing public service people! they skip the date bs and get to the point

god bless em all

@4: Thanks....but I've reconsidered. I'll also except beef jerky but that will only result in a half-hearted performance.

the road warrior approves this message.

give me that meat!

@8

...from an animal, where does your meat come from?

i got a steak in the freezer... any takers?

Funny, the last time I wrapped tenderloins around my dick for my lady, it wasn't received nearly as well.

But I thought the world was only 6000 years old!

...

What if she is vegetarian? Would she accept quorn instead?

I wonder what a banana gets them...

FAKE!!!!

This is a complete photoshop job. You can tellits a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max's pet monkey used a bone as a club and made a black headstone on the moon go crazy.

I love the atmosphere, its like a sexually charged BBQ in here.

@ 17 - good point I suppose if that the way she rolls? I'd go with soem spiky type fruit!

monkeys whaaa

bad boy! whoring themselves for a necessity of life..

This is why my brothel is called the Meat Market.

Hey baby, nice beef tips.

Yeah this is well known already. See: Attenborough, David.

NOMs for PEWS = sick^(brilliant*rad)

@8 from same the butcher, when he's not giving his salami to Alice. HEYO

[Sam]

I wouldn't trade it for anything less that filet

Psh, stupid monkeys. If they used chocolate they'd get triple the poontang.

#19
It was a Monolith not a headstone.

Which sexy hot girl wants to trade half a cow with me?

I didn't even know chimps like meat.

Apart from a couple of funny retorts (thank you, 28), I still don't get where the chimps are getting all this meat from. There's no way that a chimp could get so much meat in the wild that he could regularly pay off his chimp-bitch with it. These are probably chimps which are in captivity, in which case the meat is commercially farmed and loaded with hormones, which would explain all this steamy primate lust.

chimps regularly hunt and kill colobus monkeys in the wild.

@34 you're a terrorist! you're mom's a terrorist! and all these Goddamn monkey whores are terrorists!

Chimps hunt on a regular basis, sometimes for other primates, sometimes for other small game that's available. They have even been known to use rocks inorder to "stone" their prey to death if they feel so inclined.
Chimps are quite aggressive, especially toward other primates, and their killing of prey is vicious; sometimes they don't even eat what they have killed, they just use the meat for this "Meat for Sex" program that they've established.

And also, if a male chimp is able to get his hands on a baby from another primate, of a different species, the female chimps go wild and seem to enjoy tearing the baby apart. Then, of course, sex ensues. So yes, the nasty head of nature rears itself once again...

@36: Fascinating. I've always believed the chimp behavior and society to be much more civilized than ours. Remember the chimp who stashes rocks? Man, that's one smart monkey. He should be made president of the apes. Talking of ape presidents, how is Mr. Bush doing these days?

What? Humans have had this for centuries. It's called marriage.

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