Apr 30 2009 Highly Questionable, Volatile: Robot Milk

I have no idea what the hell robot milk is (likely poison), but it looks thicker than the BBW in my fetish mag. Also, how the hell does one go about procuring robot milk? Because if it's anything like milking a bull, the The Superficial Writer wants in.

Robot Milk [friggingrandom]

Thanks to Bo, who once milked a goat and then made goat cheese and sold it at a farmer's market. Good looking, Bo.

Apr 30 2009 Graphical!: Some Sweet Adobe Suite Pillows

I was gonna do the whole FAKE! bit on this post but then I realized I've done it like three times already and that's way too many for any one person, so I decided not to. Anyway, this is a set of Adobe icon pillows, featuring all your favorite design programs like Photoshop, Illustrator, and that handsome devil Dreamweaver. Prices are as Illustratored(!). Buy the whole set and save $10. Buy sweatshop free and save some third-world youth's fingers. Buy me a drink and then take me home and do me. RAWR!

Adobe Creative Suite Pillows Are All About Design [gizmodo]

Thanks to Jesse, who doesn't need a pillow to be comfortable because she sleeps in the clouds with unicorns. Lucky!

Apr 30 2009 Scientists Create Chemical Gel That Moves On It's Own, Will Power Our Future Overlords

Some foolish Japanese scientists have developed a chemical compound capable of moving on it's own. They're convinced it's the stuff future robots will be made of. I'm convinced I just let one loose in my pants.

A group of Japanese roboticists, led by Shingo Maeda at the Shuji Hashimoto applied physics laboratory at Waseda University, have created a chemical gel capable of independent motion, similar to that of a caterpillar.

Using a process that combines polymers, the material not only moves on its own, but also can change colors and can be used to perform calculations. According to the scientists involved in the project the morphable material could even one day be used as components of a future robot, thus making the notion of the incredibly scary Terminator T-1000 a real possibility.

That's....terrible news. WTF, ROBOTICISTS? Roboticists shouldn't even be a real thing. If I close my eyes and say, "roboticists don't exist" three times they should all disappear, right? Okay, *covering eyes* "roboticists don't exist, roboticists don't exist, roboticists don't exist". There *uncovering eyes* HOLY SHIT -- BLOODY MARY, AAAAAAAAHHH!

Hit the jump for a video of a miniature T-1000 in action.

Continue Reading " Scientists Create Chemical Gel That Moves On It's Own, Will Power Our Future Overlords "

Apr 30 2009 Surgical Masks: Fight The Swine Flu In Style

Let's face it, we're all gonna get the swine flu and die. But we can at least stave off infection for as long as possible and look stylish at the same time. Enter Yoriko Yoshida's (links to artists portfolio with tons and tons more) stylin' and profilin' surgical masks, each printed with a unique design. I call this one 'Octostache'. Hit the jump for a bunch more, but be sure to check out Yoriko's page to see them all. Then, get to designing your own. Or, alternatively, meet me in my underground bunker. I ain't going out because some jerk couldn't keep his penis in his pants at the petting zoo!

Yoriko Yoshida's Portfolio
via
Stylish surgical masks by Yoriko Yoshida [pinktentacle]

Thanks to Margo the Jeweler, who made one with gold and diamonds. It's so sparkly!

Continue Reading " Surgical Masks: Fight The Swine Flu In Style "

Apr 30 2009 I'd Buy One: The NES Controller Mouse

Sadly, the NES Controller Mouse is only conceptual. But, if there's enough consumer interest, I'll step forward and manufacture them myself (read: collect money for pre-orders and skip the country). Capitalism baby, gotta love it. Also, self-conscious strippers and breakfast cereal options.

nintendo nes controller mouse: when can i buy one? [technabob]

Thanks to Matt, Julian and RaDe, who know Count Chocula and Cap'n Crunch make the world go round. Illuminati.

Apr 30 2009 Cat Jumping In And Out Of A Tall Box

Sure it may sound boring, but it's actually entertaining to the power of illegal Mexican fireworks. The first minute of the video shows the cat figuring out how to get IN the box, but the second half is him jumping OUT, which is the awesome part. Watch him launch out at 1:17 (or -0:40 if the timer is counting down) and tell me that's not awesomest thing you've seen all morning. Because if it's not, well, apparently you've already seen some pretty wicked stuff today. Holla atcha boy with a tip, yang.

Cat In A Box [yahoovideo]

Thanks to Conor, who tried training his turtle to jump out of a box but it never would.

Apr 30 2009 Good Eats: A Whole Chicken In A Can

Hungry? Yeah, but are you whole chicken in a can hungry? That's right folks, Sweet Sue's Canned Whole Chicken (without giblets) is an entire cooked chicken in a can (a big one). Equally perfect for camping trips or throwing up everywhere! Hit the jump to see an uncanning in progress, which will leave you wondering why you've ever eaten anything else. Then go get one. You'll be doubled over on the bathroom floor with the runs quicker than you can say "I think I ate the asshole"! Bon Appétit!

Hit it for the uncanning. Really makes me want one.

Continue Reading " Good Eats: A Whole Chicken In A Can "

Apr 30 2009 Dead Bugs + Old Watch Parts = 'Cybugs'

Mike Libby is a Maine-based artist who glues old watch parts on dead bugs to create steampunk looking insects. Which actually seem pretty cool until you realize that this is what robots will really look like in a few years. True story: one time I let a beetle crawl into my ear just to know what it would feel like. Unfortunately, it burrowed into my head (not unlike a Ceti eel) and I had to brain myself with an ice pick to get it out. If you couldn't tell, that was a pickup line. Ladies?

The artist, who holds a degree in sculpture from the Rhode Island School of Design, says his Insect Lab began after he found a dead, intact beetle. He thought the bug looked and operated like a little mechanical device, and decided to combine the two in a statement about the similarities and contradictions between nature and technology.

And speaking of statements about the similarities and contradictions between nature and technology: I just zip-tied a laser pointer to my penis. Now -- who wants to see some REAL art?

Hit the jump for a bunch more, including a ROFLCOPTER.

Continue Reading " Dead Bugs + Old Watch Parts = 'Cybugs' "

Apr 29 2009 Spellbound Apprentice Casts Off Wizard Hat And Robe, Gets Tazed By The Po-diddly

NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO THE WORLD'S SMALLEST PENIS.

This is a video from Coachella of a wizard who refuses to put his hat and robe back on (you're doing it wrong!) and instead waves his minuscule penis around like Harry Potter trying to cast a spell of sadness on anyone foolish enough to look.

"It doesn't have to stop," the Naked Wizard says.

"I'll tell you what," the cop says. "You can have a great time -- but you can have an even better time if you put your clothes on...Can I get them for you?"

The officer grabs the gown and tosses to the Naked Wizard, but he casts it away again. Then the cops put on their rubber gloves, and things get ugly.

You really can't help but feel sorry for the guy. But, on the upside, this video should make you feel good about your own magic stick. So make sure to watch the video with your significant other while pointing at the dude's nubbin and telling them to be thankful. I swear, a naked wizard on drugs with the world's smallest penis getting tasered by the diddly -- is today my birthday or what?

Naked Wizard Taser Brawl At Coachella [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to A-lice in Wonderland and chainsawarms, who both noted the magician's wand was probably too small to cast any real dangerous spells.

Apr 29 2009 LOST Cake To Celebrate 100th Episode

This LOST cake was made for the cast and crew of the show by Charm City Cakes (of Ace of Cakes fame) to celebrate the series' 100th episode, which airs tonight.

It has been more than four years since that fateful airliner, Oceanic Flight 815, crashed onto an Island on September 22nd, 2004. After 99 episodes full of ominous mythology, startling discoveries, shocking cliffhangers, buried secrets, and stunning character development - we have reached the 100 episode milestone.

Nice -- 100 episodes and we still don't know jackshit. Or do we? Rearrange the letters in 'black smoke' and what do you get? Exactly, fondant. BOOM, mystery solved.

Bigger picture HERE.

Lostpedia (which, if you're a LOST fan and didn't know about, you've been missing out)

Thanks to Chris and Matt, who once Bermuda Triangled with a special magnetic field and then next thing you know babies, black smoke, mysterious civilization, time travel and a whole bunch of other boom-shacka-lacka.

Apr 29 2009 WHEE!: Fun With Fridge Magnet Letters

Want to play with those magnetic letters you stick on the fridge but stuck at work? No problem! Enter Lunchtimer's Letters 'game', where you can arrange a bunch of the colorful plastic letters to spell whatever you want. The only problem is, you have to do it in a room with 2-50 other people, so while you're trying to spell 'GEEKOLOGIE', other people are trying to change it to 'DICKOLOGIE'. Good times. There's also a game called Scratchpad where everyone doodles together like in Microsoft Paint. Obviously, both games fill up with penises and cuss words pretty quickly. Also, somebody kept drawing a pretty good Pedobear.

Hit the jump for a more common scene.

Continue Reading " WHEE!: Fun With Fridge Magnet Letters "

Apr 29 2009 3D Chess Adds Dimension To The Game

Tired of playing plain old chess? 3-way chess just not cutting it for you anymore? How about some 3-D chess? What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs, rolls over your neighbor's dog? What's great for a snack, and fits on your back, It's 3D CHESS CHESS CHESS! Ooooh snap -- you just got Ren and Stimpy'd! Anyways, this 3D chessboard was designed by Ji Lee and bears an unstriking resemblance to Star Trek Tri-Dimensional Chess. Truthfully, I never even know the rules for chess*, I just like playing with the pieces. Haha -- my castle just stomped one of your guys with the hat! Now it's gonna....WHAT'S YOUR HORSEY DOING ON MY QUEEN?!?

3D Chessboard Is Like Q*bert for Smart People [gizmodo]

*I was kidding for the sake of the article, I'm actually a Grand Dungeon Master.

Apr 29 2009 Man Kills Friend In XBox Fueled Fight

In a serious act of good sportsmanship fail, some guy killed some other guy because the one dude (the dead one) kept beating him at Call of Duty (and yes, I am the L337 journalist). And no, that picture has nothing to do with the story besides the chicks happen to be XBox girls. I just thought it might lighten up the mood a little bit. Like mood lighting, but with boobs. Mood boobs.

Joseph Johnson, aged 28, from Chicago, is facing first-degree murder charges for allegedly killing a man while they played games together on an Xbox 360.

Johnson and Danny Taylor, aged 24, were allegedly playing video games at an apartment when tension escalated and they got into a fight. This led to Johnson allegedly shooting Taylor in the back of the head.

Jesus. Sure, I've thrown my fair share of controllers, and maybe one time I beat my brother in the head pretty badly with a Game Boy -- but actually killing somebody over a video game? That's crossing the line. THIS AIN'T NO GAME, SON, THIS IS REAL LIFE!

R.I.P. Danny.

Xbox Murder: Man Kills Acquaintance While Playing Videogame [allaboutthegames]

Thanks to Matty, who once tried to strangle a roommate with a wireless controller.

Apr 29 2009 About Time: Anti-Robot Denny's Commercial

Truthfully, I rarely go to Denny's because I prefer IHOP's Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity combo (two eggs, two bacon strips, two pork sausage links and two buttermilk pancakes crowned with cool strawberry or your choice of fruit compote and whipped topping). But I may make a change after seeing this commercial, which highlights the importance of eating a hearty breakfast in the fight against machines. You can't go fighting those robotic bastards on an empty stomach -- they'll gut you like a fish! The Grand Slamwich from Denny's: it's what John Connor would do.

Youtube

Thanks to Scurls, who knows a Carnation Instant Breakfast just won't cut it.

Apr 29 2009 Highly Questionable: No Wash Boxers

No Wash boxers were designed by 29-year old medical student Rob Libfeld who claims he came up with the idea when he noticed how embarrassed patients in the hospital were of their soiled, all white underwear. As you can see, the $13 drawls are all yellow in the front and brown in the back, so you can piss and shit to your incontinent heart's content with little to no visible embarrassment. However, there will still be a smell, so be sure to look around quizzically to expel any blame.

No wash underwear hides stains, not odours [newslite]

Thanks James, and remember: he who protested it, foam-crested it.

Apr 29 2009 How To: Quit Your Gaming Development Job

Farbs, a game developer working for 2K Australia quit his job, and this is how he submitted his two six weeks -- with a custom game (A Message for 2K Australia)! And I'll tell you -- it sure takes the cake over this resignation! *brutally punching myself in the balls*

Farbs will no longer be working for 2K Australia come June 5th, having resigned his position in order to work full time creating games like the most excellent ROM CHECK FAIL.

Combining elements of Mario and a small splash of his own game, Polychromatic Funk Monkey, Farbs delivers one of the more entertaining "I Quit" notices you're ever likely to find.

Nice. Now call me old fashioned, but whatever happened to the old 'stop showing up for work' method of resignation? It's classic -- you just stop showing up for work. Everyone will start to get all worried and think you're dead. Which, I think we can all agree, I did for the lulz.

How To Quit Your Game Development Job [kotaku]

Thanks to Simon and Julian, who have both quit jobs by crashing their cars into the office lobby. Nice guys, I like your style.

Apr 28 2009 Man Builds Batmobile From Batman Forever

Sculptor Bob Causey went and built himself a replica of the Batmobile from Batman Forever. That's all the information I have except it drives and has a complete interior. Also, Batman Forever came out in 1995. So remember kids: never give up on your dreams, it's better 14 years late than never. Or is it? It isn't. I would have turned that shit into a hotdog cart by '98.

Hit the jump for several more pictures and a video of the retracting cockpit top.

Continue Reading " Man Builds Batmobile From Batman Forever "

Apr 28 2009 Awesome Commercial For Philips 21:9 TV

This is short film entitled 'Carousel' (which has a very Dark Knight feel) meant to highlight Philips' new CINEMA 21:9 aspect-ratio television. I embedded it in high quality too, because it's awesome and I love you and don't just want to get in your pants (ignore that hand).

On its own, it clocks in at a (totally coincidental) two minutes and 19 seconds, but Berg conceived it to work as an endless loop. Visitors to the microsite therefore have the option to spin through the films single take shot repeatedly, to stop on a specific frame, or to watch it at the preordained speed. The film also contains embedded hotspots, which, when triggered, transport the viewer seamlessly from the heavily posted film to a behind-the-scenes version of the same shot. This constant moving between two layers of reality proved one of the projects biggest and most ambitious production challenges. Other details of the online execution play off the cinematic theme; the microsites loader doubles as a credit sequence, while rich media takeover banners drive traffic to the site by teasing viewers with an original Carousel trailer. All aspects of the production, from the film shoot to web design and development, were conducted by Stink Digital.

If you want to see the video in higher definition, go to the Philips site. If you don't, then you get your fix here. Personally, I thought it was awesome. Like watching two animals having sex in a nature documentary, except about as far from that as possible.

Philips Cinema
and
Youtube

Thanks to Matt, who once cried riding a carousel as a kid because he couldn't catch up with the horse in front of him.

Apr 28 2009 Rocks: Not Just For Christmas Anymore

As a guy who's no stranger to receiving a sockful of coal on Christmas morning, I wouldn't be surprised to open a birthday present and see the same thing. Thankfully, nobody bothers remembering my birthday anymore. But a Florida mother got pissed when she bought her son a $138 Nintendo DS from Wal-Mart, only to find out the box was full of rocks and a couple pieces of wadded Chinese newspaper (to prevent the fragile rocks from breakage). Wow, porno-laden PSP, you got nothin' on this.

The troubling discovery prompted the Florida woman to contact the local Wal-Mart where she bought the curious box and complain, but reportedly workers there told her it wasn't their problem and that she should contact Nintendo instead. Of course, Nintendo told her roughly the same thing, leaving mother and son with a $138 box of rocks.

Amazingly enough, however, Wal-Mart soon caved after learning that the same box of rocks had been previously returned by another disgruntled customer. How exactly it made it back onto store shelves remains a mystery, but for her troubles, Wykle was given a full refund and a $20 gift card.

Yes, what a mystery. We better call Sherlock Holmes in for this head-scratcher. I mean, WTF? You think a Keebler Elf broke out of a box of cookies, hiked all the way to the electronics department, and restocked the system in the middle of the night? Because that's what I'm leaning towards.

Florida teen finds rocks in Nintendo DS box [yahoonews]
and
$138 box of rocks?? [wtsp]

Thanks to Huevo and Lisa, who once had a shopping cart race in Wal-Mart and accidentally ran over the greeter.

Apr 28 2009 Supercomputer To Compete On Jeopardy!

If you haven't heard, an IBM 'Blue Gene' supercomputer is going to compete on Jeopardy! and show us humans just how good for nothing we are. We don't even excel at remembering trivial information! I'll take 'OMG, We're Screwed' for $600, Alex.

The IBM researchers who created Watson -- an homage to IBM founder Thomas J. Watson Sr. -- have said that they are not confident yet that their creation could compete well on the show. The New York Times reports that human champions are able to provide correct response 85% of the time to questions asked.

The computer will offer answers to the question via a synthesized voice and will choose its own follow up categories. IBM says that for the show, the computer would not be connected to the internet. How Watson will be presented and what gender the computer will be are under consideration. A screen and a projected avatar are one consideration.

You know what they should make the computer look like? Alex before he shaved that beautiful stashe of his. Loved that thing. I've even written him several letters asking him to regrow it. What do you say -- one last ride for old times' sake?

IBM Supercomputer to Compete on Jeopardy! [dailytech]

Thanks to Steve, Lisa, Mike, cougar78 and uglybuckling, all of whom could beat Ken Jennings.*

*In a bikini contest.

Apr 28 2009 Hmm: TIME's 2009 Most Influential People

Finds moot, the founder of 4chan, at the top of the 100 finalists. Anonymous, did you have anything do with this? Per tipster, z4x0r:

The TIME 2009 Top 100 Most Influential People list's polls have closed, resulting in moot, the founder of 4chan, to be named as the most influential person of 2009. This is clearly due to a massive collaboration on behalf of Anonymous (note: 16,794,368 votes, compared to 2nd place, 2,316,378.) Also to be noted, the first letter of each name, read downward, spells "Marblecake, also, the game." This was also a goal of Anonymous, to spell this particular sentence, in which they succeeded.

Keep up the good work, GW.

Hell yeah I left the 'keep up the good work, GW' in there. That's the shit that makes me wake up every morning. Well, that and napalm (love the smell). Hit the jump to see the top of the list, which does, in fact, spell 'MARBLECAKE (you don't want to know) ALSO THE GAME'. Coincidence, or Scientology is utter bullshit? You be the judge.

Hit it, anon.

Continue Reading " Hmm: TIME's 2009 Most Influential People "

Apr 28 2009 The 'Spinning From A Drill' World Record

Ever wanted to see some asshat set the world record for number of rotations completed (141) while hanging from a power drill mounted to the ceiling? Me neither. But I did watch it, and now it's your turn. And, if you just so happens you're one of those people that can't watch videos at work, congratulations, today's your lucky day.

Man Makes 141 Rotations Hanging From a Power Drill, Sets Stupid World Record [gizmodo]

Thanks to Eric, who holds the world record for beating up people with stupid world records. Uh-oh, Eric, you may have to punch yourself!

Apr 28 2009 They'll Never Find It!: Powdered Alcohol

I've known about powdered alcohol for a while now because I remember reading an article about powdered wine being available to campers (also great for water into wine tricks!). *HORF* Just kidding, I'd totally drink it. But now it's hitting the mainstream, and soon you'll see powdered alcohol mixes popping up everywhere (read: your teen's bookbag).

No word on price or availability just yet, but rest assured they'll be a ton of companies jumping on the 'sneaking alcohol into church/school' bandwagon. Which, honestly, I've been doing for years. Now I know what you're thinking, "But how, Mr. Geekologie Writer?" And the answer to that, my disciple, is in my stomach. In a tied-off balloon. Next to all the coke.

Product Page
and
Product Page (coming soon)

Thanks to Mars, who once beat the shit out of Mercury for orbiting funny.

Apr 28 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Animal-Shaped Radiators

Guus van Leeuwen's Domestic Animal radiators heat your home without all the shedding and feces associated with keeping a real animal in the house.

[The] radiators are made using between 40 and 60 pieces of steel tubing which are bent using a computer and then welded together by the Eindhoven-based designer. The radiators can then be connected to the heating pipes via the tail. The pelts are real and have been filled with wheat seeds in order to conserve the heat.

Well it's about time! You hear that, Mr. Badger? It's time for you to make like a tree and get out of here. I mean it -- OUT! Oh, being stubborn are we? Fine. *BLAM!* Badger steak for everyone! And, on a 100% completely unrelated note that has absolutely nothing at all to do with sleeping with a badger -- anybody know how to get blood out of bedsheets?

Hit the jump for closeups of the different animals.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not?: Animal-Shaped Radiators "

Apr 27 2009 They Were Everywhere!: ESPN Gets Hacked, Konami Coded, Unicorned And Rainbowed

Somebody hacked the ESPN.com site to accept the Konami code (↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A) and then to start adding unicorns and rainbows to the page every time you hit ENTER. I can attest to it working because two tipsters hit me up with the goods before ESPN caught on. Suffice it to say, I unicorned the hell out of that shit and then cooked pork chops on the grill. Unfortunately, when I came back to write this it had already been fixed. So if you're the one that did it, do it again (but not to Geekologie) so everyone can play with it. Then, I want you all to write your congressman about the unicorn olympics and sick that would be.

Hit the jump for another screenshot of the site from a reader who also wanted to display his bacon loving pride.

Continue Reading " They Were Everywhere!: ESPN Gets Hacked, Konami Coded, Unicorned And Rainbowed "

Apr 27 2009 Devil Worshipping Mega Fail: The Satanist Star I Cut Into My Arm

This is definitely NOT how you pledge your allegiance to the dark lord. You show up at the Pit of Eternal Damnation with this thing on your arm and a bunch of imps are just gonna laugh at you and then take turns packing your asshole full of hot charcoals. Just sayin', tsssssssssss.

I Cut the Satan Star Into My Arm! [youthink]

Thanks to Yopoleo, who once beat the devil in a fiddling contest and never received his golden violin prize. I warned you, Yopoleo, you can't trust that horned bastard.

Apr 27 2009 Tracking The Swine Flu With Google Maps

You can now track the swine flu with Google Maps by going HERE. If a marker appears in your town, and you're a chick, take naked pictures of yourself and email them to me for verification I don't care what you do if you're a dude, but no naked pictures, please. Also, I'm a little pissed at whoever started this damn flu pandemic in the first place. I'm looking at you, bacon hater. THE PORK GOD DEMANDS APPEASEMENT!

Google Maps

Thanks to Romeo and Frank B., who would much prefer the chicken pox.

Apr 27 2009 BA-BOOM: This Vase Is The Bomb, Son!

Can you believe that's actually the title I used? Me neither. Maybe I'll come back and change it later (read: I won't). So, A Peaceful Bomb Vase is a flower depository designed by Owen & Cloud to look like a bomb. It's supposed to serve as a statement about how not cool war is (despite what video games may have taught you).

Taiwanese design duo Owen and Cloud designed this piece as a statement against war, and the result is a one of a kind, striking piece.

I hate to break it to you, but that's not one of a kind -- I count like thirty of them. Still, I like. And they do carry a powerful message. One about how beautiful bombs can be. No? Make floral arrangements, not war? Okay, so maybe I don't get it. Fun fact: you could almost write a novella about the things I don't know. Almost.

A Peaceful Bomb Vase [likecool]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who once dropped a bomb so powerful they had to close the bathroom for two whole days.

Apr 27 2009 Scary: These Crazy 'Animal Leg' Extensions

Personally, my regular legs are just fine. They reach the pedals in my car, walk me from said car into seedy strip joints, and kick the living shit out of oak trees. But for some people that's not enough, they want animal-like legs. These people are sickos.

These "digitigrade leg extensions" are the work of Seattle-based sculptor Kim Graham. Essentially a fancy pair of stilts, the legs mimic digitigrades (animals including horses that bear weight on their toes).

The video shows the legs in their natural, metallic finish, as well as dressed up in some fur. Which, I'll admit, was rather disturbing. Throw on a bearskin rug and TA-DA, you're that pedophilic creep Mr. Tumnus from that book about a talking panther in your closet.

Bionic Animal Legs Are Built For Theater and/or Enchanted Woodlands [gizmodo]

Apr 27 2009 I Want Out: Electrocuting Rubber Duckie

Looking for a way out but second guessing your decision to dive into a volcano? Enter the Electric Bath Duck, a suicide assistance device that allegedly works better than a toaster. Thankfully, it's fake. But listen -- I don't want any of you killing yourselves anyways, you hear me? Because then who would read the words I write? Nobody, that's who. My family doesn't even read my diary anymore and I leave it open on the coffee table. So if you are having suicidal thoughts, seek help. And remember folks, I'm here for you. God may have spited me downstairs, but I do have big ears.

Hit the jump for a shot of the back.

Continue Reading " I Want Out: Electrocuting Rubber Duckie "

Apr 27 2009 Real Sugar: Mountain Dew 'Throwback'

Just for the summer (unless they're hugely popular) Pepsi is producing Mountain Dew and Pepsi 'Throwback', which both contain natural sugar instead of that high fructose maize (I'm part Cherokee) syrup bullshit.

The first thing I noticed was how smooth the carbonated soda went down. It's not nearly as harsh as the standard type and I'm sure peeps who aren't avid Mountain Dew drinkers will appreciate the difference.

Also, the aftertaste. It's more natural and clean. Hell, even my burps taste different. I LOVE IT.

Different tasting burps, now that's a selling point. It's like how Maker's Mark makes my vomit taste different. Mmmm. Unfortunately, Dew Throwback contains thrice the Yellow #5 as regular Mountain Dew, so you 'Throwback' fanatics can kiss your penises goodbye.

Review: Mountain Dew Throwback [crunchgear]

Thanks to Octopus Pie, who hates high fructose corn syrup almost as much as low fructose corn syrup.

Apr 27 2009 It's Scientific: Bacon Cures Hangovers

In a study that surprises nobody who's woken up still Tyrannosaurus Wrecked from the night before in a puddle of someone else's urine and eaten the breakfast of gods, scientists have discovered bacon really does cure a hangover.

"Bread is high in carbohydrates and bacon is full of protein, which breaks down into amino acids. Your body needs these amino acids, so eating them will make you feel good."

"Bingeing on alcohol depletes neurotransmitters too, but bacon contains a high level of aminos which tops these up, giving you a clearer head."

Researchers also found a complex chemical interaction in the cooking of bacon produces the winning combination of taste and smell which is almost irresistible.

As a matter of fact, I remember reading somewhere in the Bible that the Apostles would all fry camel (a close relative of the pig, don't bother looking this up) after a night of boozing. So, yeah -- bacon: it's what Jesus would do.

Also, that's me in the picture.

Bacon sandwich really does cure a hangover [telegraph]

Thanks to The Baconator, Kevin, Rick, Cam, Duffman, Jonathan and Barry, who know the best way to cure a hangover is to start drinking again.

Apr 27 2009 Stone Lifting Robot Attacks Factory Worker

A stone lifting robot attacked a factory worker in Sweden, nearly killing him. Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. At least not if you've been reading Geekologie (The Blog of Truth) long enough. Per Google translation:

When the man went into the building he thought that he broke the power of the machine but he had not. Instead, the robot in time and brought formidable force while in the man's head. He managed to defend itself, but received serious injuries on the body.

The man had big turn. He had four broken ribs and was close to delete with, "says Leif Johansson.

Close to delete. That's Google translation talk for mostly dead. Which is Princess Bride talk for about to kick the bucket. Which is an old idiom that means doing it. YOW YOW! Now, who wants to build a sand castle?

Robot assaulted employee [sydsvenskan]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, Ulf, Henrik, Jesper, Kelli, Vince, Christopher, Pike, Edward, Karbalo, MoMan, Adrian, Damien and Matt, who were smart enough to write 'no working with robots' clauses into their contracts.

Apr 26 2009 Admit It, Government: Aliens Are Real, Yo

Aliens are real, here on earth, and the U.S. government has the proof to prove it, at least according to Edgar Mitchell, the longest moonwalker (suck it, MJ!), and handsome devil seen in the photo above. This is not the first time Edgar 'Aliens In My Ass' Mitchell has confessed his belief in extraterestrians, or whatever the hell you call them.

"It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence," said the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history. "I call upon our government to open up ... and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization."

Asked why there still is no definitive proof, he said: "We have that, it's just that it's been covered up and denied by the powers that be in our own government," adding that "there's a secret government" that may be run by the "military-industrial complex."

Listen, Edgar 'Check Your Feces for Pieces of Antennae' Mitchell -- everyone with half a brain knows there are aliens among us. The problem is, you can't go spitting all that knowledge to the general public without these idiots rushing to the grocery store and buying up all the peanut butter and taping their buttholes closed every night. PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. Could you imagine what would happen if they found out the president was a robot....
....
.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

CURL: Astronaut says we're not alone [washingtonpost]

Thanks to Fish Man, who lives underwater and doesn't have to worry about aliens as much because they can't swim.

Apr 26 2009 Princess Leia Pulled Over For Drunk Driving

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the story besides it's of a bunch of Princess Leias having a pillow fight and God has bestowed me with the power of awesomeness. But no need to thank me folks, I did it for myself. So anyway, Darth Vader's daughter just got pulled over for drunk driving.

Police found the mother-of-two Dodds, 28, dressed in white robes with plaited hair, while her husband was wearing robes. "She was dressed as Princess Leia and her husband as Luke Skywalker and they found it was a bit embarrassing to walk the streets of Murton dressed in their costumes.

When breathalysed she was more than twice over the legal drink driving limit.

Magistrates banned Dodds from driving for 20 months, fined her £255 and ordered her to pay £60 in costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

Dear. Mrs Dodds (aka the woman who likes to get drunk and dress as Princess Leia, aka the woman of my dreams),

Firstly: if you were my girl, you would never have to drive drunk, because I have droids for that shit. Secondly: I can't believe your husband (aka Luke Failwalker) didn't even have the decency to Force choke and/or mind trick the arresting officer. You, princess, are running with the wrong Jedi. Marry Me?

Yours,

Obi Won Geekologie

Woman dressed as Princess Leia of Star Wars stopped for drink driving [telegraph]

Thanks to Ross, who once ran over his neighbor's cat on a speeder bike but it was okay because speeder bikes float.

Apr 26 2009 3...2...1...: Largest Model Rocket Blasts Off

Remember the world's largest model rocket? Yeah, well it blasted off yesterday without a hitch (or Space Bat). This is a picture of the 36-foot tall, 1,600lb beast about to take to the skies. There's a couple more pictures and a video of the launch after the jump, so be sure to check that out. But not my girlfriend, or I'll punch you in the eyes.

Hit the launch button for the rest.

Continue Reading " 3...2...1...: Largest Model Rocket Blasts Off "

Apr 25 2009 Bear Grylls Drinks Elephant Dung Juice

This video is like two years old so if you've seen it, congratulations, free Geekologie bumper sticker. Just leave an 'OLD' and your bank account info in the comments and I'll have it transferred first thing Monday morning. Anyway, did you know that in an emergency situation you can drink the juice out of elephant shit? No, because you'd rather die. And I'd imagine puking afterward would probably end up doing more harm than good. But Bear Grylls is all man. Also, I love how a piece of shit almost falls in his mouth at 0:34, classic.

Youtube

Thanks to Tim, who tried it with baby shit and *HORF*

Apr 25 2009 Red Rover, Red Rover: Glowing Puppies

Created in the same fashion as the glowing kitties we posted way back in December, 2007, scientists have bred transgenic (expressing a gene from another, unrelated organism) puppies that glow red under UV light. I don't want one. Ain't no devil dog livin' in this house!

A team led by Byeong-Chun Lee of Seoul National University in South Korea created the dogs by cloning fibroblast cells that express a red fluorescent gene produced by sea anemones.

Greg Barsh, a geneticist at Stanford University who studies dogs as models of human disease, says creating a transgenic dog is "an important accomplishment", showing that cloning and transgenesis can be applied to a wide range of mammals.

"I do not know of specific situations where the ability to produce transgenic dogs represents an immediate experimental opportunity," Barsh adds. But transgenic dogs will give researchers another potential tool to understand disease.

Eh, I thought it was so you wouldn't kick your dog on the way to the kitchen for a midnight snack. I don't know about this whole disease bit. Which reminds me: any of you good at identifying rashes? I can send pics.

Hit the jump for what the puppies look like when they're not glowing. Except the middle one, the middle one isn't a glower.

Continue Reading " Red Rover, Red Rover: Glowing Puppies "

Apr 25 2009 Hidden Necktie Camera For Corporate Spying

The $66 Necktie Spycam can discreetly record up to 2GB of company secrets in stunning 352 x 288 resolution, and even comes with a wireless remote so you can start and stop the action from your pocket. Unfortunately, I can honestly say there's not a single thing I'd want to secretly record at work. But that's because I sit in a cubicle with The Superficial and IWatchStuff writers for ten hours a day. I mean, we don't even have a good looking secretary. Or an ugly secretary. We steal internet from the company upstairs and pee in the stairwell. We used to have an intern but he quit and filed a harassment lawsuit against The Superficial Writer. Which, I think we can all agree, should be illegal for unpaid employees. Also, he was a little bitch.

Hit the jump for several more spy shots.

Continue Reading " Hidden Necktie Camera For Corporate Spying "

Apr 24 2009 Crossing The Line?: Bacon Flavored Vodka

Ha, what line? Yes, Bakon is bacon flavored vodka. Yes, it's real. Yes, it's only available in Washington, Idaho, Montana and Oregon right now. Yes, I want to try it. Yes, I want to pour it on a stripper. No, I don't want to lick it off.

Hit the jump for recipes and a link to the official site.

Continue Reading " Crossing The Line?: Bacon Flavored Vodka "

Apr 24 2009 Cat Appears Wirelessly Controlled By Printer

This is Molly the cat. Molly the cat appears to be wirelessly controlled by the actions of this home printer. It's a very special connection. Not as special as my printer and I, but that's only because we've been going at it since junior-high. Isn't that right, Inky? Now tone me. Oh yeah, baby. Darker!

Youtube

Thanks to the-iguana, who once shot a man for calling him an anole.

Apr 24 2009 Couple Marries Dressed As Shrek & Fiona

In a story that nearly set my cockles ablaze, an English couple recently got married dressed as Shrek and Princess Fiona. Awwwwwww.

Hospice nurse Christine England, 40, married her fiance Keith, 44, in full costume and make-up in front of 100 guests who were also in fancy dress.

The new Mr and Mrs Green (yes, really), of Barnstaple, Devon, had spent three hours having their make-up done before walking down the aisle.

Christine said: 'The idea just came to me. I knew what we would go as because Keith looks just like Shrek.

Wow, way to kick a man in the balls, Christine. You might as well have gone as Andy Carmichael and asked him to go as Sloth. Goonies FTW! Do you, sir, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? "HEY YOOOU GUUUUUYS!"

Hit the jump for several more of the beautiful couple, the last of which is totally fapable.

Continue Reading " Couple Marries Dressed As Shrek & Fiona "

Apr 24 2009 Sure, Why Not?: The YI Zipper Headphones

Ji Woong designed the YI Zipper Headphones in the form factor of a zipper. They were designed to keep your wires tidy and look cool, but the pull even doubles as a volume controller. So now you finally have an excuse to play with your headphones and make zipper noises. Rub your corduroy pant legs together and clap and TA-DA!: you're a one man band. Unless you're a woman, in which case you and I should make a duet. Then love. Then....me a sandwich. No -- a gyro. :)

Zip it: YI Zipper earphones keep cables zipped up and tidy [dvice]

Thanks to Captain Jonald and Pikksky, who have thankfully never had a ball caught in their zipper. Trust me guys, you don't want to. It feels like a carpenter driving a burning nail into your change purse.

Apr 24 2009 Bra Deflects Bullet, Saves Woman's Life

A Detroit woman's life was saved when a shot fired at her was deflected by the underwire in her bra, leaving her with only minor injuries.

The woman, who lives on the west side of Detroit, had seen the youths breaking into the house next door while her neighbour was away. Police believe one of the gang saw her looking out of the window and fired at her.

The suspects then drove away after the shooting.

Local police Sgt Eren Stephens Bell told the Detroit News: "We need to get some bulletproof vests made from that. It is some strong wire."

Yeah you do, Sergeant. You need bulletproof vests made from the underwire in a 57-year old's bra. Because I'm sure the lingerie company doesn't just buy used coat hangers from the nearest dry cleaner. But they do. That's exactly what they do.

Bullet bounces off US woman's bra [bbcnews]

Thanks to Flash Dave, Chuck Nunchuck, and JMR, who only recommend women wear bras when in fear of being shot.

Apr 24 2009 Robotic Heli-Sniper Is Sadly No ROFLCopter

The army is testing out a new robotic-helicopter mounted sniper rifle for urban warfare because, well, CONSPIRACY! Are you ready for this? Our government is....are you sitting down? Our government is....ROBOTS! AAAAAHH! Did you hear that? I thought I heard something.

It's called the Autonomous Rotorcraft Sniper System. It mounts a powerful rifle onto highly stabilized turret, and fixes the package on board a Vigilante unmanned helicopter.

The system is intended for the urban battlefield -- an eye in the sky that can stare down concrete canyons, and blink out targets with extreme precision. Attempting to return fire against the ARSS is liable to be a near-suicidal act: ARSS is described as being able to fire seven to 10 aimed shots per minute, and it's unlikely to miss.

Thankfully, the system is not autonomous (yet) and relies on a ground-based pilot with AN XBOX 360-LIKE CONTROLLER to maneuver and fire. Haha, and everyone said all those hours headshotting prepubscent boys in Halo wouldn't get you anywhere! *sniff* I'm just so proud, you little army of one, you!

Army Tests Flying Robo-Sniper [wired]

Thanks to Bo, Lethak, WunderKraut, jk and Todd, who, BOOM, headshot!

Apr 24 2009 Modern Samurai Returns With More HI-YA

I'm not sure if you enjoyed the last episode of Isao Machii: Modern Samurai as much as I did, but if you didn't, you should watch it again until you do. Then we can start a book club. But instead of books we'll discuss Youtube videos and drink beer. Plus, if you're a chick, we could make out. Hell, even if you're not but willing to wear a Dilophosaurus costume. Anyway, I'm sure you've just been chilling till the next episode, but chill no longer, because here she blows. The highlights:

0:45: Isao cuts the wick off a burning candle. The GW begins practicing for his next birthday party.
2:30: Isao cuts the skin off a piece of asparagus. My pee smells funny after I eat asparagus.
4:40: Isao slices the tail off an arrow that's been shot at him. I reconsider bringing a bow and arrow to a samurai sword fight.
8:30: Isao cuts a steel plate in half without bending or warping the piece at all. I consider hiring Isao for future construction jobs.

Well folks, there you have it, the latest from a modern Samurai. And now, the latest from a modern Don Juan:

Last night: Woman at the bar rejected all my advances, despite my insistence I could make her internet famous. Went home alone and treated myself to a stranger in the bathtub.

Too romantic?

Youtube

Thanks to Tom and Jason, who can cut through steel with just a glance and have to wear those special shades Cyclops wears. Just kidding, they're fake Oakleys.

Apr 24 2009 Best Business Cards Ever: Meat Cards

Meat Cards are business cards with your info burnt into them using a 150 watt CO2 laser. They are far superior to card stock for obvious reasons (read: meat and lasers).

Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS.

Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards.

Mmmm, meat and lasers: definitely two of the finest ingredients on earth. PEW PEW, NOM NOM! Now, blast me in the eye with your laser pointer right as I swallow. What? Don't judge me.

Meatcards

Thanks to Chloe and Julian for eating all my cards. No, really, thanks a lot guys.

Apr 23 2009 Fair Trial Fail: Judge In Pirate Bay Case A Member Of Swedish Copyright Association

So yeah, it turns out the questionably honorable judge (Tomas Norstrom) in the recent Pirate Bay trial is "a member of the Swedish Copyright Association and sits on the board of Swedish Association for the Protection of Industrial Property". How did this even happen? Hint: Swedish Fish. Love those things.

Peter Althin, the lawyer for TPB cofounder Peter Sunde, said he's asking the Swedish appeals court to consider ordering a retrial based on the judge's possible bias, the BBC reports.

"The judge in one of Sweden's most high profile case ever is also a member of an interest organisation for one side and associates with the prosecution trial lawyers in his free time? That is inexcusable corruption.

Wow, I don't even know where to being with -- ORDER IN THE BLOG! ORDER IN THE BLOG! Bailiff, remove this unruly commenter from my blogroom. Then come back and let me touch your gun. Now, where were we? Oh right -- recess. Who's down for hopscotch?!

Pirate Bay judge is member of Copyright Association [zdnet]

Thanks to Matty, who is now welcome to join my pirate crew -- provided he pass the three trials first.

Apr 23 2009 Geographical: The Alphabet Of The World

Rhett Dashwood, a creative director from Melbourne, Australia, searches Google Maps for geographic letters when he's not busy directing creatively. Or playing with one of those swinging metallic ball thingies.

Over the course of several months beginning October 2008 to April 2009 I've spent some of my spare time between commercial projects searching Google Maps hoping to discover land formations or buildings resembling letter forms. These are the results of my findings limited within the state of Victoria, Australia.

As you can see, I used the letters to spell 'GEEKOLOGIE', but you could use them to write a really cool digital ransom note (ALL YOUR INTERNETS ARE BELONG TO ME UNLESS YOU PAY....). And I think it's pretty cool all the letters came from Victoria. I'm gonna see if I can't make a set using my own location! Kidding, I don't have time for that shit.

Hit the jump to see the whole alphabet.

Continue Reading " Geographical: The Alphabet Of The World "

Apr 23 2009 Isn't That Precious?: How To Make A Baby

I have absolutely no idea if this is how you make a baby or not, but if I had to guess, yes, this is definitely how you do it.

How to Make a Baby [otherthings]

Thanks to Steven, who actually thought there was a stork involved. A STORK! Can you believe that?

Apr 23 2009 Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store

In an unshocking turn of events, Apple has pulled 'Baby Shaker', an iPhone application that allows users to shake a baby until red X's appear over its eyes and it stops crying, from the iTunes store.

Within a day of the game being available for download, childcare organisations had reacted with fury to the game's shocking premise.

An Apple spokesman would not comment on why the program was initially approved for sale nor about how many people downloaded the game. Apple screens every iPhone application and has rejected a number of controversial apps in the past, including one that let iPhone users throw virtual shoes at President Bush.

First of all, shaking babies isn't really funny. And secondly, I'm more than a little pissed that POS application got approved and mine didn't. How the hell does 'Baby Shaker' make it and not, 'The Oregon Happy Trail: An Adventure In My Pants'. What? It was educational! You died of gonorrhea.

Also, I've had several requests for a Geekologie iPhone app. Personally, I view the site in the browser, but hey, if somebody wants to make one, I won't pay you. But I will make you famous. Internet famous.

Video of the 'game' after the jump.

Continue Reading " Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store "

Apr 23 2009 Giant Spiders Of Death Now Attacking Japan

I wasn't going to post this because we've already seen La Machine's spider in Liverpool, but I've gotten the tip so many times asking why I'm not covering the apocalypse like I should, that I figured I'd go ahead and scare the shit out of you all again. Must be your lucky day. Oh, and now there's two giant robotic spiders of death. Eek!

A pair of giant robotic spiders designed and built by French performance art group La Machine have come to Yokohama to take part in the upcoming Expo Y150, a 5-month festival commemorating the 150th anniversary of the opening of the city's port.

Although the Expo Y150 festivities are not scheduled to officially begin until the end of April, the enormous steampunk spiders could be seen prowling the Yokohama waterfront this weekend.

Great, so the spiders went ahead and got a leg up (or eight!) on the festivities. And by festivities I obviously mean killing everyone and burning Japan to the ground. Oh well, I guess I'll have to postpone my worn panty shopping spree another year. *sigh*

Hit the jump for another shot and video.

Continue Reading " Giant Spiders Of Death Now Attacking Japan "

Apr 23 2009 Uh-Oh: Doctor Claims He Can Clone Humans

Just look at all those cute little babies. Really makes you consider wearing a condom next time, doesn't it? Yeah it does. Anyway, Dr. Panayiotis Zavos, a controversial fertility doctor, claims he's gonna be cloning humans within two years.

[The] doctor has claimed he cloned 14 human embryos and transferred 11 of them into women's wombs. Dr Panayiotis Zavos carried out the work at a secret laboratory thought to be in the Middle East.

"Dr Zavos saw vigorous growth in 30 cell embryos before he transferred them into the womb and that is why he is optimistic that a human clone baby will be born within two years," he said.

"This has reached an advanced stage and is potentially a viable form of infertility treatment."

The article goes on to discuss the ethics of a woman who wants her 10-year old daughter, who died in a car crash, cloned. Which, wow, sounds like the worst idea I've heard all morning. Seriously -- and I had an offer to go play in traffic. No, when it comes to cloning, there's one very simple rule: dinosaurs only.

Could Cloning Bring Dead Girl Back To Life? [skynews]

Thanks to jigga, Thumperchica and Christina, who all want GW clones but I told them no. I've seen Multiplicity! Okay, I haven't -- but I did see the commercial where the dumb one tries to stick pizza in his wallet.

Apr 23 2009 Bacon Gummis Actually Strawberry Flavored

Now why on earth would you make Gummi Bacon strawberry flavored? That's like growing bacon-flavored strawberries. Which....holy shit, my genius amazes even me sometimes. I want our top men on this right away.

Gummy Bacon ($5 for a pack of four) is a great way to scare folks. Here's how: take some out of the package when no one is looking, cover them in plastic wrap, and wait in your office kitchen. Then, when folks come in, take a strip out, lament how you just don't have time to cook it, and then eat it anyways! They will be shocked, and you'll enjoy the nice gummy taste of strawberry - it's a win/win situation.

Well I don't know about all that action, but hey, different strokes for different folks. I just happen to be king of the breast. Stroke AND rub. Ladies?
ThinkGeek Product Page

Thanks to Michael, Julian and John, who prefer their gummi bacon actually bacon flavored. Is that too much to ask? No, no it's not.

Apr 23 2009 Scary: A Childhood Photo From The Future

This is a childhood photo FROM THE FUTURE. Don't ask me how I got it, but suffice it to say I got some wires crossed when I was building my time machine (read: I showed up in 2120 with a trash bag full of dinosaur-sized condoms). Anyway, I brought this back to show you how not cool the future is. You want your kids growing up with robot pals? No, no you don't. And if you do, well, *ffffubt*. Oh that? Nothing -- just a little contraceptive blowdart.

Hit the jump for a worthwhile picture of some African robots.

Continue Reading " Scary: A Childhood Photo From The Future "

Apr 22 2009 Shower Curtain Gets Stabby On H2O Wasters

Elisabeth Beucher's 'Green Warrior Shower Curtains' help control your water consumption by slowly inflating its spikes (via a questionably energy efficient air pump) as you shower. Stay in too long and you get stabbed. Drop the soap and experience prison. While I do find this design admirable, I have an even better way to curtail water wastage: don't pay your gas or electric bill. You'll still have cold water, and cold water, my friends, is the key to shorter showers. Seriously, I'm down to 35 seconds. Haven't seen my balls in weeks!

Happy Earth Day everyone!

in honor of earth day: the shower curtain that impales you [theinteriormind]

Thanks to Travis, who only bathes the way God intended: with a woman to scrub his back.

Apr 22 2009 Music To My Ears: Old Computer Parts Performing Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody'

Some guy went and programmed a whole bunch of old computer parts to perform Queen's iconic 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. You just have to see it to believe it. But, you can read this first if you want:

No effects or sampling was used. What you see is what you hear (does that even make sense?)

Atari 800XL was used for the lead piano/organ sound
Texas Instruments TI-99/4a as lead guitar
8 Inch Floppy Disk as Bass
3.5 inch Harddrive as the gong
HP ScanJet 3C was used for all vocals. Please note I had to record the HP scanner 4 seperate times for each voice. I tried to buy 4 HP scanners but for some reason sellers on E-Bay expect you to pay $80-$100, I got mine for $30.

Ha -- and you probably thought your computer was musically inclined. Think again, sucker -- your shit just got Beethoven'ed out of the water! I'm talked like BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM -- BUM-BUM-BUM-BOOOSHED, son!*

*That was Beethoven's 5th for you uncultured bitches.

Youtube

Thanks to meeotch, Jake the Ripper, Tyson and killerabbit, whose computers can't even play video games. Sad shit, guys.

Apr 22 2009 Scientists Find Watery, Earth-Like Planet?

Earth Day Fools! Oh, wait, no. Apparently this is real, and only 20.5 light-years away! Ladies and gentlemen -- start your rocket engines. PSSSSHOOOOOOOOW! PEW PEW.

The Gliese 581 planetary system now has four known planets, with masses of about 1.9 (planet e, left in the foreground), 16 (planet b, nearest to the star), 5 (planet c, center), and 7 Earth-masses (planet d, with the bluish colour).

Michel Mayor, a well-known exoplanet researcher from the Geneva Observatory, announced the find today. The planet, "e," in the famous system Gliese 581, is only about twice the mass of our Earth. The team also refined the orbit of the planet Gliese 581 d, first discovered in 2007, placing it well within the habitable zone, where liquid water oceans could exist.

Planet Gliese 581 d, is that really the best they could do? GIVE IT A REAL DAMN NAME ALREADY. I propose Waterworld. And speaking of which, that was a hell of a movie, was it not? Oh, I'm getting a "no" from The IWatchStuff Writer. But he had gills, man, gills!

Nearly Earth-sized Planet, Possible Watery World Spotted Near Another Star [universetoday]

Thanks to Morgana, who, for an Earth-related tip on Earth Day, wins a free trip to Gliese 581 d, just as soon I finish my rocketship.

Apr 22 2009 Best Nintendo DS Case Ever? Hint: Yes

This is by far the best Nintendo DS case ever crafted. If you can't tell by the censor block I put over the picture, they're boobs. But not just any boobs. Really soft looking ones. I swear, we get a picture of Jessica Chobot licking this and BOOM!: the cover of TIME Magazine. For the next thirty years. Also, peace in the Middle East.

Hit the jump for the uncensored picture.

Continue Reading " Best Nintendo DS Case Ever? Hint: Yes "

Apr 22 2009 Two Pennsylvania Men Set Texting Record

That's right, in a bid to be crowned the world's biggest losers, Nick Andes, 29 and Doug Klinger, 30, sent over 217,000 text messages during the month of March. Also, Nick was mistakenly sent a $27K phone bill (which has since been cleared up) for the textacular achievement. You two must be so proud.

Andes and Klinger were able to set up their phones to send multiple messages. During a February test run they found they could send 6,000 or 7,000 messages on some days, prompting the March messaging marathon.

"Most were either short phrases or one word, 'LOL' or 'Hello,' things like that, with tons and tons of repeats," said Andes, reached by phone.

Andes sent more than 140,000 messages, and Klinger sent more than 70,000 to end the month with a total of just over 217,000, he said.

Wow, that has got to be one of the saddest things I've ever copy/pasted. And this is coming from a guy who copy/pasted a picture of a smushed cat all around town to encourage people to drive slower. So yeah, I'm the authority. Now -- up against the wall and spread em! Wider. Haha, you ripped your pants.

Record attempt reaps 217K texts, $26K phone bill [myway]

Thanks to Thumperchica, who agrees some records are best left unbroken.

Apr 22 2009 What The?: Questionable Sub Commercial

I love Quiznos. Or, I should say, I loved Quiznos before I found out their ovens encourage employees to have sex with them. I mean, WTF? This isn't how you sell delicious, oven-baked subs, this is how you....damnit, now I want Quiznos.

Youtube

Thanks to Jordan and Reiko, who have never gone anywhere near a toaster with their junk exposed. Or so they say.

Apr 22 2009 How To Pick Up Men: Nintendo In A Purse

Let's face it, there are few things in the world men respond more to than boobs. And fast cars. And vaginas. And beer. And fireworks. And dinosaurs. And guns. And meat. And meat guns. And sports. And power tool guns. Oh, and video games. So if you're a lady looking to score some attention from the lesser sex, but aren't ready to go topless (I urge you to reconsider), you may want to mod yourself a Nintendo purse.

Thanks to modder Jeri Ellsworth's creation, nerds everywhere finally understand the purpose of the purse. Hers has a built-in LCD and two velcro-on NES controllers for some on-the-go Super Mario Bros.

The guts of the purse are made from one of those system-on-a-chip deals that modders worldwide are so fond of, and the screen is just taken from a portable DVD player.

The system also has a Commodore 64 on a chip and some other basic computing capabilities. Which....is that Joust? ZOMG, Jeri, tell me you're in the DC area -- I'll meet you out for a drink! And not just to steal your purse. Okay, to steal your purse. Don't hate -- I look good with a manbag!

Video demo of the purse after the jump.i

Continue Reading " How To Pick Up Men: Nintendo In A Purse "

Apr 22 2009 Pet Cosplay Festival In Rio de Janeiro

Live near Rio de Janeiro (Brazil)? Do you like pets? Do you like pets dressed up as characters from comic books, video games, movies and cartoons? If so, you're in luck -- there's a pet cosplay festival this Sunday, April 26th! Per the Bablefishily translated page:

The event starts to the 9 Hours and is especially come back advantages fans of livens up and cachorros. E since the 20 better fancies will be awardees, capriche creativity. Valley everything: of Wolverine and Super Man, until Torch Human being (Or Canine Torch).

Beyond everything, if you to want to adopt one cãozinho, Ong ANIDA, through the campaign "Devoid Snout", will go to adopt and to receive donations for the abandoned animals from the city, of which it takes care of.

Sounds like a good time. And for a good cause too. So if you're in the area feel free to check it out and take some pictures. If they're not too blurry (and, quite frankly, even if they are) I'll post them so everyone can 'ooooh' and 'awwwwh' and 'that's so cruel' in harmony. Then we'll record an album and make millions.

Pet Cosplay, Rio de Janeiro [combustao]

Thanks to loyal Brazilian tipster Romeo, who may or may not attend the festival depending on whether his dog is out fighting crime that morning or not.

Apr 21 2009 Cocktails For The Trekkie Boozehound

Let's face it, even Trekkies like to get all crunk on spacejuice and get into Vulcan Death Grip fights at the bar. Completely understandable. These are only two of ten Star Trek inspired cocktails, so be sure to hit the jump to see eight more. Then make one. However, I was a little sad to see there was no Red Shot (with significantly increased chance of death). Or Khaaaaanikazi. Or 3 Buttery Nipples.

Also, you show me a bar that actually keeps figs in stock and I'll show you a guy whoring himself out for drinks. Ha, or you can tell The Superficial Writer yourself, whatever.

Hit the jump for the rest. You'd howl too if your figs were frozen. Anybody?

Continue Reading " Cocktails For The Trekkie Boozehound "

Apr 21 2009 Jones Is Back With An Even Better Business

Remember Toby Jones of Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental & Storage? Well he's back with another genius business idea, this time in the form of Jones' Good Ass BBQ & Foot Massage. As you can see from the video, they even have fried dinosaur. Which, at least in my opinion, is just plain wrong. I'm no black widow!

Jones' Good Ass BBQ And Foot Massage [jonesbigasstruckrentalandstorage]

Thanks to my brother SuperFrank, who almost burnt the house down trying to fry a porkchop sandwich. My God did that smell good.

Apr 21 2009 Man Wants Camera Installed In Prosthetic Eye, Temporarily Settles For Terminator Eye

Rob Spence has had eye problems since a shooting accident at 13. Now 36, Rob had the eye removed three years ago and decided he wants a video camera in it's place. Only problem: getting a video camera in its place.

Thus far, they've built devices that create wireless NTSC signals--the sort of standard wireless signal a television uses--and are now working on getting this to work in sync with a miniature camera and a battery, all attached to a printed circuit board, all of which has to fit inside a prosthetic eye.

So in the meantime Rob sports the Terminator eye to drum up interest in the project and try to score some funding. Good luck, Rob. And by good luck I mean I won't hesitate to go John Connor on that ass if I have to.

Hit the jump for one more shot and a link to the superlong article.

Continue Reading " Man Wants Camera Installed In Prosthetic Eye, Temporarily Settles For Terminator Eye "

Apr 21 2009 Whee: Getting High With The God Of Thunder

A day late (the story of my life), comes an animated gif of Thor getting all high on some beaster-looking weed. It's all good too, since, as you may recall from your Germanic mythology course in college, Thor is Canadian. *thunder rumbling* Eh?

Thanks to Alex, who once got high with Poseidon in an octopus' garden in the shade. Cool.

Apr 21 2009 Boston Dynamics: Possibly My Biggest Enemy

Boston Dynamics, purveyor of such hellhounds of the robot apocalypse as BigDog, LittleDog, and BullDog, are back at it, this time at the opposite end of the spectrum: robotic bugs called Squishbots.

SquishBot is a program to develop a new class of soft, shape-changing robot. The goal is to design systems that can transform themselves from hard to soft and from soft to hard, upon command. Another goal is to create systems that change their critical dimensions by large amounts, as much as 10x. Such robots will be like soft animals that can squeeze themselves through small openings and into tight places.

Okay, I want to see a show of hands of who's cool with a robotic centipede burrowing in their ass. Now, everyone look around the room. You see the people with their hands raised? Perverts. The worst kind too: roboboners.

Terrifying robot image of the day: Boston Dynamics' SquishBot [bbgadgets]

Thanks to Greg, who once found a robotic silverfish trying to climb into his ear at night so it could read his mind. Thankfully, Greg huffs Raid and had a can by the bed.

Apr 21 2009 Not As Cool As Geekologie, But Nakeder

Geckology. Not exactly Geekologie, but hey, there's some side-boob action so I'll take it. And for those of you who care, this particular specimen happens to be a Tokay gecko (Gekko gecko), the second largest of the gecko species. He is NOT to be confused with that little wanker from the Geico commercials, who is obviously some form of day gecko. Just sayin', I used to study herpetology. Now, which one of you is brave enough to hold my pocket snake? He doesn't bite, but I may have lined my pocket with Super Glue.

Uncensored (and only slightly NSFW) picture after the jump.

Continue Reading " Not As Cool As Geekologie, But Nakeder "

Apr 21 2009 How To Mount A Tire Using Starter Fluid

This isn't a new concept so you may have already seen it done. And if you have, congratulations, you just won a Geekologie t-shirt. Just leave an 'OLD!' message and your home address in the comments and I'll open a checking account in your name get that right out. For the rest of you, this a video showing how to mount a tire on a rim using starter fluid. And according to my calculations, it has the perfect fire:danger ratio to make it worth trying yourself. But remember: there's no such thing as too much lighter fluid. Or, place like home. *click click click* Wow, forgot how much I hate it here.

Flickr (different video)
and
Youtube

Thanks to Michael, who once rotated Optimus Prime's tires in exchange for a ride.

Apr 21 2009 I Want To Eat You: Cupcake Hamburgers

Somebody went and made a batch of cupcakes that look like hamburgers. I think their maker did a great job, don't you? Because you'll be meeting yours if you disagree. Yeah, that was a threat. No, not a treat, a threat. I'll kill you, yo. I mean it.

These are vanilla cupcakes with a chocolate cuppie in between, green coconut for the lettuce and frosting for the mustard and ketchup. Yum!

Mmmm, cupcake sliders. Everyone here does know what a slider is right? It's a mini-burger. Yeah, they're called sliders because they're small enough to slide down your gullet without much chewing. Not unlike myself. Which....did you just hear that? It sounded like ten thousand women and a handful of gay men fainting simultaneously.

Hamburger Cupcakes [plime]

Thanks to Juste, who once ate 37 White Castle sliders and then projectile vomited for four minutes straight. Gross.

Apr 20 2009 Wine Glass Features Convenient Reservoir

I know what you're thinking, "holy shit, that glass has a tumor!", and you're right, it kind of does. The Glass Tank is a conceptual wine receptacle that keeps your glass topped off at a constant level. That way you get drunk with while you're, you know, I've been drinking. Now I know -- 4.20's supposed to be about smoking, but, and it might just be the booze talking -- but I love booze. Also, this is a stupid idea. I already have a wine glass with built in receptacle -- it's called the box. Or, if I feel like being Mr. Fancy Pants, the bottle. Class: you can't spell Geekologie Writer without it.

Hit the jump for one more shot of how it works (air replaces wine in reservoir as you drink).

Continue Reading " Wine Glass Features Convenient Reservoir "

Apr 20 2009 Japanese Man Builds Giant Robotic Beetle

Why? I don't know why. Why do people build any kind of robot? Exactly, because they're stupid idiots.

Designed and built by an Ibaraki man in his garage over the course of eleven years, the "Kabutom MX-03″ looks like a prop from a Power Rangers spin-off but is an actual working vehicle.

Shaped like a kabuto-mushi (rhinocerous beetle, a favorite design of Japanese toymakers and, uh, candymakers), it can be remote controlled or piloted from the cockpit (visible on the left side), and is capable of carrying passengers inside its shell.

First of all, eleven years? Some poor bastard pissed away more than a decade building what I'm going to destroy in an alcohol-fueled afternoon? That's almost enough to bring a tear to my eye. Almost, but not really because 1. we don't grieve for robot sympathizers and 2. I don't cry anyways (aliens stole my tear ducts). Also, who the hell is gonna crawl into a giant robotic beetle's shell? That's like asking someone to jump into a volcano, but far less like a giant hot tub.

Also, I apologize to anyone who watched the whole video. I meant to tell you to just skip around earlier.

Youtube
via
Giant Japanese beetle robot [japanprobe]

Thanks to Ross, Shelley, NuffSaid, bum master and Matt, all of whom would crush that thing like a bug. You know, if they were 50-feet tall. But they're not, so we're going with napalm.

Apr 20 2009 Largest Model Rocket Ready For Blast Off

I did absolutely zero research to determine if this 36-foot tall, 1,600lb model rocket built by Steve Eves is, in fact, the largest ever, but that's only because I've already won numerous prizes for investigative journalism and figured I'd give somebody else a chance. I jest -- I'm just stoned to bejesus.

The mini-Saturn V is powered by nine rocket motors including 8 13,000ns N-Class motors and a single 77,000ns P-Class motor.

The single stage flight should reach an altitude somewhere between 3,000 and 4,000 feet, and at apogee the rocket will separate into three parts and return to Earth via the assistance of various parachutes. In the end Eves estimates he's invested about 1,500 hours into the project with a total budget of around $25,000, though that will actually be covered by various sponsors come the April 25th launch event.

Nice. Reminds me of the time at Space Camp we built model rockets and launched them off with crickets as payload. I remember my cricket (Chirpy McHandicapped) only had one back leg. Well, before liftoff. After liftoff he had one back leg on fire. R.I.P. Chirpy, say hi to Space Bat for me.

Largest Model Rocket In History Is 36 Feet Tall, Weighs Over 1,600 Pounds [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Stephen, who once put a rocket's fin on crooked and the rocket went all crazy like PPSSSSHOOWWOWOWOWWOWWSSSSSSSS *pop*

Apr 20 2009 Stephen Hawking Battling Infection, 'Very Ill'

Stephen Hawking, genius extraordinaire and a personal hero of mine (I heard he once piloted his wheelchair through a blackhole unscathed), has been hospitalized and is reportedly "very ill".

[Cambridge University] said Hawking has been fighting a chest infection for several weeks, and was being treated at Addenbrooke's Hospital in Cambridge, the university city north of London.

"Professor Hawking is very ill," said Gregory Hayman, the university's head of communications. "He is undergoing tests. He has been unwell for a couple of weeks."

Geekologie wishes Stephen a speedy recovery. No, a lightspeedy recovery. Get well soon, Dr. Hawking.

Stephen Hawking hospitalized, reported very ill [yahoonews]

Apr 20 2009 Matthew Perry Seeks Medical Attention After Injuring Hands Playing Video Games

Matthew Perry, with nothing to do since Friends went off the air like twenty years ago, has taken to playing video games. Like an addict. Seen here about to take his first hit with Snoop Dogg, Matthew has a serious gaming problem. So serious he had to seek medical attention after damaging his hands.

The actor admits he spends days on end glued to the screen playing war games on his XBox, ruining the muscles and tendons in his hand.

Perry says, "I play a lot of video games a lot of XBox 360. I played Fall Out 3 so often I had to go to a hand doctor. I used my hand too much and had to get injections in it."

Nice try, Mr. Perry, but I suspect the real culprit here is a little thing I like to call chronic masturbation. Been watching a few too many Friends reruns, have we?

Perry's videogame-mangled hand [yahoonews]

Thanks to Edd, who particularly likes the episodes where you can see Rachel's nipples through her shirt (read: all of them).

Apr 20 2009 Sure, Why Not: The NOM NOM NOM Song

Well folks, it's 4.20, and if I was still in college right now I'd be rolling a four-paper dank-blunt and skipping all my classes. But I'm not -- I'm at work -- so I'm smoking swag in the janitor's closet and blowing through a spoof. It's pathetic. Not unlike this video, which, whether you're high or not, will make you want to gouge your eardrums out. Consider it my little gift to you on this, the greenest of holidays. Haha -- suck it, Arbor Day!

NOM NOM NOM Song [collegehumor]

Thanks to Johnathan, who once smoked a whole O of that presidential in a day and then realized he just smoked $350 of weed in one day.

Apr 20 2009 HOLY NOMs!: Jesus Appears In Kit Kat Bar

On Good Friday (OLD, LATE, BLOW ME GW!) Jesus revealed himself in the form of a half-eaten Kit Kat bar. Because, well, the son of God hates Twix. As you can see in those deliciously crispy layers, the Lord's face looks eerily similar to that on the shroud of Turin (Sunday school, son, TA-DOW!). However, the divine bar is not without it's hell-burning naysayers.

Other witnesses were less impressed. "It looks more like Darth Vader," said one.

Really -- Darth Vader? Now why on earth would Darth Vader appear in a damn Kit Kat bar? The man only likes dark chocolate. Get it, because of The Dark Side? I don't either. No, you're the Nutter Butter!

Sweet Jesus, his face is in a choc [thesun]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne and ash, who both agree they should replace communion wafers with Kit Kats.

Apr 20 2009 Awesome: Dog Named Link Dressed As Link

Loyal Geekologie Reader Natalia sent me pictures of her dog, Link, dressed as our favorite video game adventurer of the same name. As you can see, his costume is complete with classic green tunic, sword and shield. And that, my friends, is awesome. So awesome, in fact, I've been inspired to rename my dog Zelda and make her a dress.

UPDATE: BAD IDEA -- BAD IDEA!

Hit the jump for two more.

Continue Reading " Awesome: Dog Named Link Dressed As Link "

Apr 19 2009 Robotic Penguins Attack From Sea AND Sky

Festo, a company that doesn't give two shits whether we all die at the hands of robots, is back on their robotic animal kick, this time with robo-penguins. Yeah, and to make matters worsethe tuxedoed bastards can now attack from both sea AND sky. You only need to watch the first 2:00 of the video to see the penguins, then it goes on to showcase a robotic hand and robotic wall. Yeah, you heard me, a robotic wall. I've heard of some pretty sick things in my day, but that might just take the cake. And speaking of which -- which one of you jerkbags ate the last piece?

If embedded player goes down go HERE to watch the video.

Thanks to Dylan, Azghul and nerdilicious, who all wear robot-penguin coats because they're classy.

Apr 19 2009 Fail: How Not To Get Your Wife Pregnant

I'm filing this one under awesome. Awesomely sad. Some guy paid his neighbor $2,500 to have sex with his wife 72 times in an attempt to get her pregnant. But it didn't work! Read the whole article to find out what happened, and trust me -- it'll make you feel good about your own life. Unless your kids look suspiciously like the Fed-Ex guy, in which case, hey, I'm sure it's just coincidence. BWAH AHHAHAHA! Coincidence. BWAHAHAHA!

Paid to do it 72 times [just-whatever]

Thanks to Josh, who once got an entire women's swim team pregnant just by tipping his toe in the pool.

Apr 19 2009 Smart Thinking: The Daylight Saving Clock

Denis Guidon's 'Ora ilLegale' clock makes switching between daylight saving time and regular time easy -- you just tilt the timepiece back and forth on its two bases. Pretty clever. Although, personally, I don't keep clocks around the house because I don't adhere to a regular schedule. No, I like to live life on my OWN time. And speaking of which, Friday, time to get drunk! Ha -- what do you mean it's Sunday?

Tipping clock simplifies all of that spring forward, fall back stuff [dvice]

Thanks to Elise, who really makes me work for my tips.

Apr 18 2009 Why Not: Pac-Man Jackassery In Real Life

This is a video of some real life Pac-Man action. The video was created by Remi Gaillard (of real-life Mario Kart fame), who I assume is France's Jackass. Although I did like like the part where he tried to eat the woman's golf ball. Through a garden hose! Which, at least according to the wall above the urinal, your girlfriend. You lucky dog!

Youtube

Thanks to Jack and c devine, who once ate all four ghosts while they were blue and still saved room for more dots.

Apr 18 2009 Crazy Sink Is Crazy, Drains Onto The Floor

The Abisko Washbasin from Eumar isn't even a basin. It's a freaking waterslide. A waterslide sink that drains onto the floor. How hilarious would it be if some bar installed this thing and forgot to put in the drain? Or even better -- you clogged it with a bunch of paper towels! HAHAHA, water damage is so funny! But seriously, it would be cool to spit blood in the sink and watch it sail down the stream. And why would you be spitting blood? I dunno, sometimes you just *WA-POW!* that's why.

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the questionable modernity.

Continue Reading " Crazy Sink Is Crazy, Drains Onto The Floor "

Apr 18 2009 Must Have: Custom Monkey Island Shoes

Converse All-Stars aren't really my thing, but I would make an exception and rock the hell out of these mama-jammas. Inspired by The Secret of Monkey Island, the shoes were hand-painted by a Spanish fan with scenes from the game (the opening and an insult swordfight). Awesome, now I want a pair of custom Monkey Island kicks. Also, a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle. WHEE!

Hit the jump for close-ups of each shoe.

This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
And I've got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?

Continue Reading " Must Have: Custom Monkey Island Shoes "

Apr 17 2009 Surprise!: Japanese Video Game Harnesses Head Tracking Technology For Perversion

Japanese erotic game maker Teatime's latest perversion comes in the form of Tech48, a platform which allows players to look at the in-game characters using head-tracking technology via webcam. What does this mean to the lay-pervert? More realistic upskirt action. Wow, using the latest in technology for deviancy, I'm shocked. Just kidding, it's the American way. Did I say American? I mean Japanese. My God those people are geniuses.

Hit the jump for a video of the perversion in action (upskirt demo starts at 2:30).

Continue Reading " Surprise!: Japanese Video Game Harnesses Head Tracking Technology For Perversion "

Apr 17 2009 Super Mario Theme Played On Laser Cutter

This is the Super Mario Bros. theme being played using the step motors of a laser cutter. It sounds just like you think it would (read: PEWLESS). Still, it's kinda cool. Not as cool as a cold one, but *glug glug glug* my God that's delicious. Now, what were we just talking about? Right, you getting me another beer. I vote yay.

Video: Laser cutter plays Super Mario Bros. theme [offworld]

Thanks to Sr. Laser Mario, who once played the Mario theme on a powerful burning laser and lost four fingers on one hand and two on the other. Still, it was beautiful, Sr. Mario.

Apr 17 2009 Legway: Segway's Steampunk Predecessor

The Legway was the original inspiration for Gob Bluth's preferred method of transportation, the Segway. As you can see, it's made out of copper piping, wood, and a heaping portion of leg muscle.

It's actually a variation of the Universe Cycle, with handlebars. I'd love to see a video to see how wonky it is to drive. The builder says it's not that hard and he's gotten pretty good at it.

"Gotten pretty good at it". Ha, that's just techno-babble for "WTF was I thinking tearing the pipes out of the guest bathroom?" Also, do you think the pet store will let me return a frozen dove for a full refund?

Hit the jump for a steampunk snowboard, because, why the hell not?

Continue Reading " Legway: Segway's Steampunk Predecessor "

Apr 17 2009 A Whole Bunch Of Inky Sadness: LOLTATZ

LOLTATZ is like LOLCATZ but instead of cute animals there's a bunch of questionable tattoos. Obviously some people don't recognize a Metroid when they see one, but that's okay. I posted a bunch of my favorites after the jump, which you should definitely look at because most of them are hard to fathom. Like the fact that we've been to the moon. THE FREAKING MOON, MAN. That shit looks so small at night. You know what I mean -- like when you think about the universe and how tiny man is but how big we are compared to mice. What? I'm not stoned, you're stoned. Ice cream sandwiches. Jinx!

Hit the jump for a bunch more and a link to the website.

Continue Reading " A Whole Bunch Of Inky Sadness: LOLTATZ "

Apr 17 2009 Cute: An 8-Bit Water Slide In Real Life

This is a video of an 8-bit water slide in real life. I honestly have no idea what that even means, but it's a pretty cute stop-motion movie. Geez, what the hell did you expect folks -- it's Friday and I'm running on fumes. Paint fumes! *SNOOORT* OHMIGOD, YES -- DO ME IN THE BRAIN!

Youtube

Thanks to Kate and Kane, who are both tall enough to ride all the rides at the water park.

Apr 17 2009 Pirate Bay Founders Sentenced To A Year

That's right folks, the four men (Peter Sunde, Gottfrid Svartholm Warg, Fredrik Neij and Carl Lundstrom) most intimately linked to The Pirate Bay, a torrent-tracking portal I know absolutely nothing about and have never visited except to take this screenshot, have been found guilty of breaching copyright laws and have been ordered to pay around $3.6 million and each serve a year in the slammer.

The group that controls The Pirate Bay, launched in 2003, says that no copyrighted material is stored on its servers and no exchange of files actually takes place there so it cannot be held responsible for what material is being exchanged.

The prosecution said that by financing, programing and administering the site, the four men promoted the infringement of property rights by the site's users.

Lundstrom's attorney Per Samuelson told journalists he was shocked by the verdict and the severity of the sentence.

"That's outrageous, in my point of view. Of course we will appeal," he said. "This is the first word, not the last. The last word will be ours."

I don't know much, but I do know I wouldn't want to spend a year in Swedish pound you in the ass jail, because that would involve a whole different kind of pirating (read: butt). Also, $3.6 million in fines? I've probably downloaded that much material myself. Sounds reasonable.

Pirate Bay fileshare four jailed for a year [yahoonews]

Thanks to Joshua, Robert, E of R, Sean and Richard, who don't even know what a torrent is. Isn't that right, guys? *wink*

Apr 17 2009 Scotland Police Department Heavy On Jedis

Strathclyde Police, Scotland's largest police force, says eight of its officers (and two of its civilian staff) listed Jedi as their official religion on voluntary diversity forms, making them the least feared police force ever.

The details were obtained in a Freedom of Information request by Jane's Police Review.

About 390,000 people listed their religion as Jedi in the 2001 Census for England and Wales. In Scotland the figure was a reported 14,000.

The Office for National Statistics did not recognise it as a separate category, and incorporated followers of Jedi with atheists.

Wow, do you think the officers mod their billy clubs to look like lightsabers? Because that would be awesome. And by awesome I mean incredibly sad.

Force is strong for Jedi police [bbcnews]

Thanks to Thumperchica, debaser, Liz, Lee, Patrick and Annie, who once Force-choked a thief till he turned to the Dark Side (blacked out).

Apr 17 2009 Robot Dinos Shoot Beams When They Roar

Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Beams When They Roar is a little Flash game you can play online (not to be confused with Jetpack Brontosaurus). Basically you're a robotic dinosaur that flies around shooting laser beams out of its mouth to destroy little balls and planes and a spinning laser thingy. I know, I am the king of vivid description. It doesn't take long to beat, so I highly recommend pissing away five minutes of your Friday playing. And if the boss comes by and asks what you're doing, I want you to look him dead in the eyes and tell him to go micromanage his penis. Then yell "BURN!" and initiate a high-five sequence. Alternatively, start packing up your desk.

Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Beams When They Roar [arcadebomb]

Thanks to Oliver, Asiantom and Chris, who, RRRRAAAAAWWWWRRRR!!

Apr 16 2009 $7 An Hour To Sit In A Gin And Tonic Mist

We've already featured a gin and tonic fog room before, but that was part of an art installation, and this is an actual London bar, where you can go get all tyrannosaurus-wrecked on gin-vapors, then fish & chip it up and puke on the Underground. Good times. Plus, the use of a protective suit is included in your $7/hour binge, so you won't leave smelling like juniper dingleberries. And $7/hour -- that ain't bad. I typically average $30/hour getting crunk -- and that doesn't even include tipping the strippers!*

*Because I don't!

London Bar Pumps Gin and Tonic Into The Air: Please Breathe Responsibly [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who, for two booze-related tips in one day, is obviously an alcoholic.

Apr 16 2009 Viral Samsung Ads: Now With Trickery

This is a viral ad for Samsung's new I8910 camera phone. I found the guy in the video annoying but I would do his girlfriend. Twice. Once with the lights on.

OUR CHALLENGE: GUESS HOW WE DID THIS. This clip was shot on an I8910 HD phone, a new camera phone just released by Samsung with an 8 megapixel camera that can actually record and output video in HD format. It was shot in one take, with no post production or special effects of any kind. Everything you see here was done "in-camera". Our challenge to you is to figure out how we did it. Hint: it's worth watching in HD...

I went ahead and took the time to embed the video in high definition for you. You know, since I'm your little bitch. And now I'll go ahead and ruin it for you. SPOILER ALERT: Not a mirror. Just a hole. A big, gaping hole. Which, SPOILER ALERT: my ex-wife.

Samsung camera trick: How did they do it? [dvice]

Apr 16 2009 AT-AT X-Ray Reveals Shocking Interior

THEY'RE DINOSAURS! No wonder I was always so drawn to the lumbering giants so much. Admit it -- I'm not the only one who's lighted his saber during the Hoth battle scene, right? Right?

AT-AT Walker X-Rayed: It's a Dinosaur! [gizmodo]

Apr 16 2009 I'll Have Another: The Triforce....OF BOOZE!

The Triforce is a shot made of equal parts dark rum, banana liqueur, and Goldschläger. It sounds delicious (minus the combination of rum, banana and cinnamon), and I'm going to drink them until I start seeing fairies. You know, like Julia Roberts in Hook. But way nakeder. YOW YOW, TINK!

So all you Zelda fans know the Tri-force has three parts. Link (courage), Zelda (wisdom), Gannon (strength), and The Geekologie Writer (awesome). That was the inspiration for this drink. I chose a dark Rum for Link, since he represents courage, and the nick-name for rum is "liquid courage." Then there is 99 Bananas for Zelda. It's smooth and refreshing (and since she is a girl, she gets the fruity part - duh!). And lastly there is Goldschläger for Gannon, representing strength, because it is the part of this shot that really kicks your ass.

Cool, but Goldschläger doesn't really kick your ass. I mean, it's 87 proof cinnamon-flavored mouthwash. No, I suggest we ramp up the "strength" aspect of the drink. I'm thinking moonshine. And by thinking I mean manufacturing. Unless you're a cop, in which case I really did mean thinking.

Meet me by the old oak tree.

Gamer Drink: The Triforce [thedomesticscientist]
via
Slam Down A Triforce, Go Back In Time [kotaku]

Thanks Julian, I bought a round on your tab while you were in the bathroom. And drank them all. They tasted like happiness.

Apr 16 2009 Impressive Stop Motion: Wolf Vs Pig

I'm sure this sort of thing has been done before (OLD!) but that doesn't make the feat any less impressive. Or fun to watch. Which is why I'm posting it. I DON'T NEED YOUR PERMISSION! Well, what do you say, can I? Haha, I meant touch your boobs!

At first I photographed stop motion　animation. And I displayed the photographs in my room and photographed it again.　Enjoy a connection with the world of the room and the world in the photograph.

I tried to count the number of photos used to make the video, but I lost track around a trillion. And yes, as a matter of fact that does make me the world's highest counter. Seriously, this shit's the chronic.

Youtube

Thanks to twellve, who once dressed up in a sheep costume, but I knew it was still her. You can't fool me, twellve!

Apr 16 2009 Bacon Torch Burns Hot, Hot Water Burn Baby

Some guy went and built a thermal lance (cutting torch) that runs on pure oxygen and the fat from bacon (well, prosciutto). As you can see from the picture, the 5,000°F grease-flame is hot enough to burn through a pan, and straight to our hearts. *swoon*

A thermal lance, typically made of iron instead of bacon, is used to cut up scrap metal and rescue people from collapsed buildings. It works by blowing pure oxygen gas through a pipe packed with iron and magnesium rods. These metals are surprisingly flammable in pure oxygen, releasing a huge amount of heat as they are consumed. The result is a jet of superheated iron plasma coming out of the end of the pipe. For sheer destructive force, few tools match a thermal lance. But iron isn't the only thing that's flammable in a stream of pure oxygen.

There's a video after the jump that explains how he made it, but I'm not into following directions so I just glue-sticked a bunch of bacon to grandma's oxygen mask. Here goes nothin'! *FWOOOSH!* Uh-oh, looks like I'm gonna need another grandma. Quick -- to the old folks home before my parents get back!

Hit the jump for an instructional video.

Continue Reading " Bacon Torch Burns Hot, Hot Water Burn Baby "

Apr 16 2009 Faceless Watch Lacks Face, Hides LEDs

The LED watch was designed by Hironao Tsuboi and appears to just be a metal band. But it's actually hiding a deep, dark secret: it once ran over a bum and didn't stop! Or, LEDs. Push a button, BOOM: the time. Don't push the button, BOOM: no time. Push my buttons, BOOM: fisticuffs.

Hit the jump for another picture.

Continue Reading " Faceless Watch Lacks Face, Hides LEDs "

Apr 16 2009 Pure Awesome: Nitrous Oxide Game Boy

I know what you're thinking, and no, the PediSedate isn't an unmarked van and bandanna soaked in chloroform. It's a Game Boy hooked up to a nitrous oxide tank! Designed to distract kids while you gas them at the doctor's/dentist's office, it might just be the best invention ever. Of course, I always loved getting gassed. So much that the dentist actually caught me trying to wheel a nitrous tank out to my mom's car once. That was Monday. I have two fingers.

Game Boy Oddities - The PediSedate [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Raúl, who always chose the bubble-gum nose when getting gassed. Nice, I was a cherry guy.

Apr 15 2009 Highly Questionable: 'Mow The Lawn' Ad

This is the second in a series of highly questionable commercials (tulips on the mound -- WTF?!) for the Shick Quattro For Women TrimStyle with Bikini Trimmer. Which, if you couldn't tell by the name, is a beaver cleaver. Now I'm not going to go into the racial stereotypes presented in this commercial, but needless to say there were some. Admittedly, I do like to keep myself trimmed. And my ladyfriends too. And not just because it won't reach if we both aren't, but that's totally why. Also, what's up with the perfectly spherical bush? Do you women actually do that? Pictures or it didn't happen.

Youtube

Thanks to Abbo and Eric the Cleric, who don't use razors because they have lasers. That, uh, that sounds scary, guys.

Apr 15 2009 Blocky, Reaaaally Blocky: Tetris Furniture

Tetris furniture: it just makes sense. Furniture is blocky, tetrads are blocky, BOOM-SHACKA-SHAKE'N'BAKE -- Tetris furniture. It's tetradical! Except -- why does that long block have five squares?

Artists Diego Silvério and Helder Filipov have created a beautiful furniture design that uses the Tetris bricks we have all known to both love and hate. The different bricks combined show many different options and ways for gamers to also have a great looking room and profess their utmost love for the original Tetris game.

ZOMG, I want all long pieces! No, wait, squares! And go ahead and throw in some of those L's. Fine, I'll take them all. But for free. Seriously, this is a gun. *PEW PEW* Haha, did I say gun? I meant laser blaster.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the possibilities.

Continue Reading " Blocky, Reaaaally Blocky: Tetris Furniture "

Apr 15 2009 I Feel Funny: Best Dinosaur Tattoo EVER

Well earlier this week we saw the best dinosaur costume ever, and now, the best tattoo. I really love the realism. And by realism I mean how the guy is obviously sitting on one of the dinosaur's spines -- because that's how I ride.

This Is A Very Good Tattoo [holytaco]

Thanks to Chase is First, who, technically, has you all beat.

Apr 15 2009 6-Year Old Finds Pron On New PSP, Cries

A six-year old found a bunch of nudey pictures on the PSP his mother purchased for him from Walmart and got all upset about it and cried to his mommy.

Tamatha said she found a memory card inside the PSP containing hundreds of pornographic pictures. She claimed it's not hers and it was in the PSP before she opened the box.

She then called the store wanting to speak with a manager about the problem. "I explained the situation and his response was, 'well, bring the machine down and we'll let your son pick out a new game,'" she said. "And I was like, no I don't think you heard what I said."

Tamatha is demanding a new gaming system, apology, and written promise her son won't grow up to be gay. Good luck with that Tamatha, but I've got news for you: he's been that way since birth. I mean, he cried when he saw a naked woman. What? Well, yeah, but I only do it sometimes.

Mom Finds Porn on New PSP [myfoxboston]

Thanks to Chris and Asiantom, who would have felt like they just won the fapping lottery.

Apr 15 2009 Floating Cloud Sofa Looks Comfy, Conceptual

The Cloud is a levitating sofa that floats thanks to magnets and, I suspect, a tiny wizard. Unfortunately, it's only conceptual. Which, for those of you who don't know what conceptual is, means really soft. You should buy one.

Cloud is a sofa concept designed for ultra comfort and relaxation. The soft floating upper part is supported by the magnetic force generated by the bottom base. No matter if you want to work and sit with comfort or simply a power nap to release the stress, you can always enjoy your time to relax on the floating cloud.

Designed by D.K. Wei (no relation to that barrel throwing bastard), the Cloud recently won honorable mention (3rd loser) in a relaxation design contest. Which, wait a minute, relaxation design contest -- WTF is that? Fifth of gin and a handful of Valium. BOOM, blue ribbon.

Cloud magnetically levitating sofa is the greatest couch concept, ever

Apr 15 2009 Too Close To Home: Flame War Music Video

NOTE: NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE

FAKE!!!!

This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like that time I visited Geekologie and read the comments, then put a gun in my mouth and cried.

We Didn't Start The Flamewar [collegehumor]

Thanks to Julian and Tangelax, who both took the time to point out it reminded them of Geekologie. Nice guys, I barely noticed the resemblance.

Apr 15 2009 Hamburger Cake Suitable For All Meals

Well, we ended yesterday with the BA-K-47, and now we're kicking Wednesday off right with a hamburger (technically a cheeseburger) cake. In case you couldn't tell, or your mommy is reading this to you while you eat your oatmeal, a hamburger cake is a cake made to look like a hamburger. And the great thing about it is, it's not just a bunch of fondant -- it's mostly good old fashioned icing! Skill level here appears to be about a 2 out of 10, so, with a shit-ton of practice, even you could make one! Now, back in the kitchen -- I'm ready for my eggs.

Flickr Gallery
via
Hamburger Cake [tellmesomethingidontknow]

Thanks to Matt, who once ate an entire hamburger cake and still saved room for a whole bag of Cadbury mini-eggs. I like your style Matt, freaking love those things. Also, to Hans, whose mother actually made the cake.

Apr 14 2009 Dangerously Delicious: The BA-K-47

The BA-K-47 is a full size replica of an AK-47 made out of bacon (and wire). Quick, put it in my mouth and pull the trigger! Mmmm, lardy!

We had our first annual Bacon Day this past Saturday. As a huge fan of bacon, and all the great bacon blogs out there, I decided it was time for me to make my own bacon creation. I came up with the BA-K-47, a 1:1 scale AK-47 made out of bacon. It took a total of eight hours to create, a lot of bacon, and a blowtorch... oh yeah, and our good friend beer helped too.

ZOMG -- you know beer too?! The trouble that guy and I used to get into! Like yesterday when he told me to steal my neighbor's car and drive it into a ravine! And right now when he told me to type that despite on ongoing investigation. Hold on, door.

UPDATE: COPS -- DAMN YOU BEER!

UPDATE: You know I didn't mean that. Now get over here and give daddy a little sippy-sippy.

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " Dangerously Delicious: The BA-K-47 "

Apr 14 2009 Blade Work: Isao Machii, Modern Samurai

This is a video of Isao Machii, who is billed as a modern-day Samurai, showing off his skills with the blade. It's a long video, so I'll direct you to the good parts.

1:45: Cuts the top half of a mushroom's cap off. Sent shivers down my pants.
3:30: Horizontally cuts a bean lengthwise. Sent shivers down my pants.
5:15: Cuts a 6mm Airsoft BB shot at him in half. GW realizes bringing a gun to a Samurai fight might not be enough.
8:00: Cuts an iron pipe in half without bending or warping the pipe. This part is skippable, since I totally could have done that. With my penis. HI-YA, BITCHES!

Youtube

Thanks to Jason, who once got a watermelon pregnant just by glancing at it in the produce section of the grocery store.

Apr 14 2009 'God's Hand' Spotted Using Space Telescope

That's right, son, spotted for the first time since like the year -5 billion: God's hand!

The image, taken by NASA's space-based Chandra Observatory telescope, shows an X-ray nebula 150 light years across.

NASA says the display is caused by a young and powerful pulsar, known by the rather prosaic name of PSR B1509-58.The finger-like structures are apparently caused by "energizing knots of material in a neighboring gas cloud," NASA says.

DAAAAMN! But seriously, God, you might want to have that pinky looked at.

NASA photos show giant cosmic hand [cnn]

Apr 14 2009 A Grass Wheel For The Concrete Jungle

The Grass Wheel was created by David Gallaugher, Kevin James, and Jacob Jebailey of the Dalhousie School of Architecture, and provides a comfortable, shoe-free mode of eco-transportation in the concrete jungle (grass-sandals guys, just saying). And I think we can all agree, it makes a very powerful statement. One about renewable energy or something. No? Human hamster wheels? A-ha -- space technology and growing grass upside down! Yes, very thought provoking. How do they do that?

Grass Wheel [neatorama]

Thanks to Armando, who is all man and refuses to walk in anything but a broken-glass wheel. Nice, Armando, but I'll stick to my burning coals wheel.

Apr 14 2009 Worth $500K?: The Human Regenerator

The Human Regenerator is a $553,400 piece of monkey shit that's supposed to make you live longer or something. Personally, I think it looks suspiciously like Superman's tanning bed of solitude.

The Human Regenerator is a Quantum-Pulse-Device that imitates and generates the cellular body's natural frequencies ranging between 0.0005 and 38,000 Hz.

Through intensive treatment with the body's own healthy frequencies, the organism is regenerated in a natural way. This process is enhanced by specially treated silicium and aluminum depots, which with the help of right spinning protos have an anti-aging effect.

Furthermore, longitudinal waves are used as a filter to create more human-like waves, therefore adding pure positive energy to the body.

Very convincing technology there. Unfortunately, only 50 of the devices are being made, and "will be offered to a small circle of prominent figures of our time." But if you showed up with $500K, I guarantee you could get one. And also, maybe some hooker action. Which, let's be realistic, will do a lot more for you than Quatum-Cell-Coding ever will -- provided you wrap it up. Otherwise, cooties bro.

Product Website

Thanks to Mushishi, who's also selling a cellular regenerator that looks suspiciously like a microwave oven with no door.

Apr 14 2009 Gross!: Man Grows Small Fir Tree In Lung

Apparently some guy was huffing pinecones when he accidentally snorted a bud into his lungs, where it grew into a little tree. Please note: man was not actually snorting pinecones, I just made that up for the sake of providing you with the highest quality investigative journalism. Also, I don't know know if you could tell or not, but I made that graphic using Photoshop. Elite skills: I'm full of them. But hopefully, not evergreens.

Artyom Sidorkin, came to a hospital in the city of Izhevsk in Central Russia last week, complaining that he was experiencing chest pain and coughing up blood.

After submitting to an X-ray the doctors saw a lump in the patient's lung. After a biopsying the lump the doctors pulled out a 5 centimeter fir tree branch out of his lung, complete with needles.

Sick! At least he didn't swallow it though. Because one time I swallowed a pumpkin seed and then several months later pissed a jack-o-lantern, complete with cut-out face and candle. Boy did I feel 8 pounds lighter!

Hit the jump for a graphic shot of the tree and partial lung after removal. NOT recommended for lunch viewing.

Continue Reading " Gross!: Man Grows Small Fir Tree In Lung "

Apr 14 2009 Trying To Pancake A Car With A Rocket Sled

This is by far one of the coolest videos I've seen in awhile. In it, the Mythbusters attempt to fuse metal and pancake a compact car using a rocket-sled traveling at 650MPH. The results are....amazing. And why I don't drive. With a license.

Youtube

Thanks to snipmint, who once rode a rocket to the moon and didn't bother to bring me back any cheese. Just sayin', kind of a dick move.

Apr 14 2009 It's Dangerous To Go Alone. Take This.

This is probably older than the topical gel I found in the back of my medicine cabinet while hunting for my Valtrex multi-vitamins, but that doesn't affect the cuteness. As you can see, it's a cat dressed up as Link. Making him the coolest cat ever (besides your own, I'm sure). Granted, he forgot the apostrophe in "I'm" and can't capitalize to save his last half-heart, but he's a cat for crying out loud. They're notoriously poor with grammar. And also, in general. MR. WHISKERS -- YOU'RE LATE ON RENT AGAIN!

Picture [wtfux]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who agrees he could only be cuter if he was swinging a wooden sword.

Apr 13 2009 Asleep At The Keyboard: Candle 1, Laptop 0

Dripping candle is dripping. But seriously, I've been looking for a way to spice up the ol' love life, and my hand doesn't go numb anymore. So I've been thinking about ordering a hooker. I guess what I'm getting at is this: as a natural-born pyromaniac, is bring a flame into the bedroom safe? And, if so, what do you guys recommend?

UPDATE: Hello, 911? YEAH -- THERE IS A HOOKER ON FIRE IN MY APARTMENT! My name? My name is *click*

Candle Fail [failblog]
via
In a Fight Between Candle and Laptop, Candle Usually Wins [gizmodo]

Apr 13 2009 Awh Man, I Want To Be Like A Boss

NOTE: VIDEO IS CLEAN VERSION. UNCENSORED ONE AFTER THE JUMP.

If you haven't seen this already it's the latest video from The Lonely Island's album Incredibad. This particular ditty is called 'Like A Boss' and it's all about a normal day in a boss's life. It's pretty much what I do everyday too, except I'm not responsible for managing anybody. I can barely manage my own penis! Now where is that guy?

Make sure your mother isn't standing behind you and then hit it for the dirty version!

Continue Reading " Awh Man, I Want To Be Like A Boss "

Apr 13 2009 Stay Strong, GW: Helpless Robot Almost Cute

I say almost because there's no such thing as a cute robot. They're all just disgusting machines, only interested in the demise of the human race and reproducing like rabbits with their rusty metal phalli. But still, Tweenbots are the closest a robot has ever come to almost being slightly a little-tiny bit cute looking (excluding WALL-E).

Tweenbots are human-dependent robots that navigate the city with the help of pedestrians they encounter. Rolling at a constant speed, in a straight line, Tweenbots have a destination displayed on a flag, and rely on people they meet to read this flag and to aim them in the right direction to reach their goal.

Tweenbots are the brainchild of NYU student Kacie Kinzer and, as much as I hate to say it, are adorable. At least until you try to point it in the right direction and they spray you in the eyes with hydrochloric acid or explodes. Which, I suspect, is being saved for Tweenbot v2.0. Hit the jump for several more pictures, as well as a map and video of it's maiden voyage, on which it took 42 minutes and 29 different people to help the smug little bastard traverse a park. Wow -- I can't even begin to describe how ironic this whole project is. Mostly just because I don't understand irony. Just kidding. Tanks.

Hit it, it's fun.

Continue Reading " Stay Strong, GW: Helpless Robot Almost Cute "

Apr 13 2009 For When It's Cold: Sleeping Bag Coats

Lippi Selk'bags cost $125-$150 and look like wearable sleeping bags. Because that's what they are -- sleeping bags that you wear. Any of you lovely ladies interested in sharing one with me? Awesome -- I get it on weekends!

Lippi's Selk'bag is made for mobility, comfort and a more recuperative sleep. Designed and tested in the Andes, the Selk'bag was named in honor of the lost Selk'nam natives of Chile who were known for their ferocity and ability to withstand harsh conditions.

In a recent comparison conducted by Consumer Reports, a Selk'bag actually ripped a Snuggie's sleeves off and defecated down its head hole. Which, you're right, would have made a great commercial.

Sleeping-Bag Suit Makes Snuggies Look Even Wussier [asylum]

Thanks to Stephen, who can endure temperatures down to -40 degrees Celsius because he's inside a tauntaun.

Apr 13 2009 Sexiest Dinosaur Costume EVER EVER EVER

My God what I wouldn't give to be that guy.

Best costume ever? You be the judge.*

*Unless you answered "no", in which case, you seriously suck at judging.

Picture [izismile]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who knew how inherently sexy this was as soon as he saw it. Spikey, we should start a club.

Apr 13 2009 Biblical: And The Lord Said, "Go Forth And Build Me With Modular Plastic Blocks"

Parishioners at a Protestant church in Vasteras, Sweden, kicked off Easter yesterday with the unveiling of a 6-foot tall, 30,000 piece LEGO Jesus. *eyeballing own 6", 18-piece LEGO Jesus* Nice, guys, way to 1-up me.

It took the 40 volunteers about 18 months to put all the tiny plastic blocks together, and their creation shows a standing Jesus facing forward with his arms outstretched.

Church spokesman Per Wilder said the statue at the Onsta Gryta church in the central Swedish city of Vasteras is a copy of Danish sculptor Bertel Thorvaldsen's "Christus" statue on display in Copenhagen.

LEGO Jesuses, now THAT'S what Easter is all about. Am I right? Well, besides dying eggs and projectile vomiting the chocolate bunny from your Easter basket. *HOOOORF* I think I see his ear!

Parishioners create Christ statue from Legos [dispatch]

Thanks to Jeremy and Meema, who had a Peep-eating contest and both lost.

Apr 13 2009 Cute: 2-Year Playing Street Fighter II Turbo

This is a video of a two-year old playing Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix and pulling off Zangief's Double German Suplex simply by mashing all the buttons. Which, ironically, is how I play.

My two year old son's first time in front of the joystick, playing against another five year old online in Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix. Manages to get a couple grabs and finishes the third round with a double suplex. He also did Fei Long's flaming kick and some other special moves in matches I didn't get on video. He's better at flailing at 2 than I was at 22 when SF2 came out in the arcade. :P I'm so proud.

Hearing the father say "push the buttons" gets pretty annoying after the first time, so feel free to skip to the last 15-seconds to watch the kid pull off the suplex. Then, start training your own child for a promising career in video games. Hey, anything can happen. Believe it or not, I even touched a boob once. *poker face* Admit it -- I had you going for a second!

Baby Pulls Off Zangief's Double German Suplex [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, who once beat Sagat with one eye closed, just to be fair.

Apr 13 2009 It's Trippy Time!: The Bulbdial Clock

The Bulbdial clock is like a sundial except, instead of the sun, it uses little LEDs to cast shadows from the timepiece's center spoke. Impressively, it casts three different shadows to correspond to the hours, minutes and seconds. It achieves this feat by having three tiers of LEDs, with the highest casting the (red) hour hand (explanatory pictures after the jump).

Additionally, for fun and clarity, we used red, green, and blue LEDs for the three rings, making each shadow hand of the clock a different color. Each ring has 12 LEDs, and the 36 LEDs are efficiently multiplexed by an AVR microcontroller that also handles the timekeeping part of the project.

So it's a a sundial for inside -- awesome! I swear, what will they come up with next? Interactive adult DVDs? Haha, already been done. And not to brag or anything, but I did crack the disk. Ladies?

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to the build page.

Continue Reading " It's Trippy Time!: The Bulbdial Clock "

Apr 12 2009 Woody Harrelson Assaults 'Zombie' Paparazzo

And in celebrity-related undead news, Woody Harrelson beat up a photographer and blamed it on the fact he thought the dude was a zombie. Good lookin', Woody.

Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

"With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.

Ha, quite understandably is right. But seriously, Woody, how'd you sneak weed on the plane?

Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie [cnn]

Thanks to Larry, RyanThePerson, Evan and 4thirty, who once beat up a group of vampire paparazzi before realizing they were just a bunch of pale Twihards trying to score a picture of Robert Patteson.

Apr 12 2009 Free Candy?: Talk To Strangers With Omegle

Omegle is a free chat service that connects you to a one-on-one conversation with a complete stranger. And as you can see from my screencap, most people are idiots. Still, there is some fun to be had if you're bored. And by 'fun' I mean I put on my robe and wizard hat. Ladies?

Omegle

Thanks to Marcel, Tabitha and Valdesjon, who actually met hot singles using Omegle. Or, I dunno, fat middle aged men posing as hot singles (this one).

HAPPY EASTER!

Apr 11 2009 Shhhh, Don't Tell Her: A Diamond Tester

If you're anything like me, you probably saved yourself a couple grand by going with a piece of windshield glass instead of an actual diamond in your fiance's engagement ring. Just kidding, I'm not really engaged. But I would consider safety glass as a diamond alternative depending on my fiance's vision. Unfortunately, now there's an easy to use diamond-tester on the market to foil my plans. The $200 device quickly determines whether a diamond is the real deal or Moissanite (silicon carbide). That's okay though, we still have options: namely, rewiring the device to always answer diamond to moissanite. Now, which one of you lovely ladies wants to be my bride? Diamonds everyday!

Determine if your diamond is synthetic or real in 1.5 seconds [dvice]

Apr 11 2009 Robot Suit Going Into Production For $4,200

Well folks, it's happening. The HAL (Hybrid Assistive Limb) robot suit is going into mass production and will be available in Japan sometime soon for around $4,200.

This is great news for HAL's target market: Its ability to grant its wearer tenfold strength increases during specific actions could change the lives of people with degenerative muscle diseases, or accident victims who would otherwise need long, difficult rehabilitative therapy to regain basic mobility. And with a five-hour battery life, it could be quite practical for day to day use.

Thanks, but no thanks. I don't care if I was just a head, I would never ask a robot for help. But that's just me and my genius brain talking. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who would gladly use a HAL suit to better their quality of life. And those people -- those people are the enemy.

Video after the jump, just for the HAL of it.

Continue Reading " Robot Suit Going Into Production For $4,200 "

Apr 10 2009 Woman Tries To Break Up Sword Fight, Dies

In the latest of a string of sword attacks, a woman tried to break up her husband and grandson involved in a serious swordfight, and ended up getting stabbed and killed. And that, my friends, is why you always bring a gun to a swordfight.

The fight was reported about 1 a.m. today. Rondeau (39) and Adolf Stegbauer, 69, both of Indianapolis, were "actively involved in a sword fight," IMPD spokesman Sgt. Matt Mount said in a statement. One man used what police described as a World War II Japanese officer's sword and another had a thin blade sword, although investigators were not immediately certain which weapon was used by which man.

Preliminary reports from police said that Franziska Stegbauer, 77, Indianapolis, tried to break up the fight and was fatally stabbed. Police found all three victims inside the residence on Raceway Road when they arrived early this morning.

Police said Rondeau was Franziska Stegbauer's grandson.

Well Happy Easter to you too! Thankfully, tipster Chuck Nunchuck was kind enough to create a graphic of what the confrontation obviously looked like, so that was nice. Good lookin', Chuck, but it could have used some more PEW PEW. Love that stuff.

Woman dies after intervening in sword fight [indystar]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, twice as deadly as that sissy-boy Chuck Norris.

Apr 10 2009 Mmmm: 1-UP Mushroom Birthday Cupcakes

Loyal Geekologie Reader Katie made her Mario-loving boyfriend 1-UP cupcakes for his 24th birthday. And as you can see, they have eyes. Ha -- up a little. See, eyes. BOOM SHACKA LACKA!

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " Mmmm: 1-UP Mushroom Birthday Cupcakes "

Apr 10 2009 ShamWow Sells Like Hot Cakes Bluth Corn Baller In Spanish Speaking Countries

This is Vince "Punchahook" Shlomi selling ShamWows in Spanish. And yes, it's every bit as "I want to beat him till he bleeds" as it sounds. Even worse. I actually put my monitor in a choke-hold just watching it. Now tap out or you're dead. I mean it!

Vince Tries To Sell ShamWow In Spanish [consumerist]

Apr 10 2009 +10 HP: D&D Dungeon Master Cake

D&D co-creator Dave Arneson passed away earlier this week, and, in his honor, I'm posting a cake. This particular Dungeons & Dragons themed treat was made for a Dungeon Master operating in the Philadelphia area.

In honor of his birthday, Katie Lanciano, on of the the players in his game made him this out of control cake. The 3D DM is a fairly accurate cake effigy of my brother in a 1st Edition style D and D robe. There are marzipan characters to represent all the players in the campaign. The bard is playing a fiddle! There is a marzipan owl/familiar, the symbol of Boccob on the side, and a perfectly accurate DM's guide. Plus an apple of discord. Wow.

Impressive. And based on a quick calculation, I estimate the cake provides approximately +10 HP per slice. But sadly, also +15 runs and -5 TP. Um, WORTH IT!

Hit the jump for a couple more and the link to the whole gallery.

Continue Reading " +10 HP: D&D Dungeon Master Cake "

Apr 10 2009 Ashley, This Is Joseph, Will You Marry Me?

Ashley, Joseph wants you to marry him. And I trust Joseph's judgment since you're the one that introduced him to Geekologie in the first place. Plus, I'll vouch for him too since he did send me a news tip once and I used it. Obviously you both have great taste. In addition, you two make a very beautiful looking couple. And that's not just the awesome king's throne you're sitting on talking! But if it could, it would say "Geekologie Writer, sit thine rear upon my seat and dine on this most delicious turkey leg". And there would be mead, and I would drink it out of a jeweled goblet. *sniff* I told myself I wouldn't cry.

Ashely and Joseph met during a school musical in 2004 and have been going steady ever since. For their first date they went to see Passion of The Christ, which is arguably the world's greatest date movie. Joseph wailed like a baby.

So, as you two go forth and continue to nourish each other in mind, body and spirit, remember: a couple that Geekologie's together, is really sick has a strong foundation and great sense of humor.

In all seriousness though, I wish you two the best.

So, Ashley, will you marry Joseph?

Apr 10 2009 Anything Can Happen: Stripper Turns Nun

Anna Nobili is a 38-year old stripper veteran who has been dancing the lap for 20 years all across Europe. But not anymore! She has seen the light, and now only dances for Jesus. I'd tithe her.

Sister Anna, originally from Milan, says she was 'inspired' during a visit to the shrine of St Francis in Assisi. Deciding she wanted more out of life, Miss Nobili has joined the the order of the Sister Workers of the Holy House of Nazareth.

"I was throwing away my life dancing for men. I was being used as a drug by people who wanted to see me dance."

Next week she will be in Rome to perform a ballet called Holy Dance, dedicated to episodes from the Bible, for senior cardinals and bishops.

I apologize if you already watched the video, I meant to warn you it makes no sense, features no quality strip-club action, and only briefly shows Anna doing her new dance for God (around 2:45). The rest is an interview in Italian that I couldn't understand. Still, for 38, she's not the worst looking stripper I've ever seen. Fun fact: they let the dancers perform pregnant in West Virginia. It's true. And I can say that because I was born there. THAT'S RIGHT, I'M WILD AND WONDERFUL, BITCHES, WHAT?!

Sister Anna dances for God after 20 years as a lapdancer [couriermail]

Thanks to Julian, who allegedly saw an arm pop out during a lap dance and *HORF HORF HORF HORF HORF* I can't believe I just wrote that.

Apr 10 2009 BA-BOOSH!: More Volcano Lightning Action

I don't actually know if that's the sound volcano lightning makes, but for the sake of my journalistic integrity, let's run with it.

When Alaska's Mount Redoubt volcano began rumbling back to life in January, a team of researchers scrambled to set up a system called a Lightning Mapping Array that would be able to peer through the dust and gas of any eruption that occurred to the lightning storm happening within. Lightning is known to flash in the tumultuous clouds belched out during volcanic eruptions.

The lightning produced when Redoubt finally erupted on March 22 was "prolific," said physicist Paul Krehbiel of New Mexico Tech.

Cool. Not as dramatic as last year's Chaitén volcano eruption, but this one does have a smiley face in the lightning. Can you see it? It's there on the right. Kind of looks like a giant monkey head....
....
....
THEY'VE FOUND MONKEY ISLAND!

Dramatic Image Shows Volcano's Lightning [livescience]

Thanks to Watch, who once punched a cloud in the face and made it cry rain. True story.

Apr 10 2009 Mmmm, Brain-y: A Darth Vader Coffee Mug

I'm sure this isn't the first Darth Vader coffee mug, but it is the first I've seen with a removable cap that keeps your morning cocktail hidden from the prying eyes and noses of non-alcoholic coworkers.

Let Darth Vader watch over your coffee as you drink deeply from the dark side with the Dark Lord of the Sith! This attractive (and oh-so-shiny) black ceramic mug holds 24-ounces of your favorite beverage, but what's really special is that it features a removable helmet that keeps your drink from getting cold too quickly. Vader will use the Force to guard and keep it at the proper temperature.

The mug costs $17 and could only be cooler if it had a misshapen ceramic head inside that was slowly revealed as you drink your morning apéritif. And speaking of which -- I think the secretary is on to me. God, mind your own business, sugartits!

Product Site

Thanks to Don Chi Chi's, who once drank jungle juice out of Vader's real helmet at a party and then threw up.

Apr 9 2009 Now That's What I Call Class: The Gold Mouse

The Gold Bullion Wireless Mouse (not to be confused the the piratey USB hub) is actually plastic. Which is why it costs $35 and not $35 gajillion. To its credit though, it does have a scroll wheel. But still, why anybody would actually pay for this garish piece of bullionshit (count it) is beyond me. That said, I bought one as a gag gift for The Superficial Writer. He loves this kind of crap. And also, American Idol.

UPDATE 1 YEAR LATER: ZOMG, The Superficial Writer left a gold brick on his desk -- I'm gonna be rich!

Gold Bullion Wireless Mouse only looks like a million bucks [engadget]

Thanks to Julian and Oscar The Slouch, who are far too classy for those tuxedo-print t-shirts. Right guys? Right?

Apr 9 2009 ILVTOFU Is An Unacceptable License Plate

Kelly Coffman-Lee is a fairly attractive 38-year old vegan who wanted to share her love of soy with the world through a custom license plate. Unfortunately, she was denied 'ILVTOFU' because of the double ententre. Which is pretty pathetic considering I just heard that steaming pile of shit Britney Spears song on the radio today. I demand justice! And also, 'ILVVGNA'.

'Tofu' License Plate Deemed X-Rated [aolnews]

Thanks to e. and Pat, who love bean curd as much as the next person, which isn't much. Edamame though, mmmm!

Apr 9 2009 Dungeons & Dragons Co-Creater Passes Away

Dave Arneson, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons (along with Gary Gygax), passed away Tuesday after battling cancer (sadly, something you can't defeat by rolling a die). He was 61.

Arneson was a driving force behind D&D's creation and his contribution to the world of adventure gaming should not be underestimated. It was Arneson's spark that transformed Gygax's game Chainmail into the first edition of D&D, and begat everything that followed.

Arneson had to fight to get credit for his contributions, filing multiple lawsuits (later resolved out-of-court) against Gygax over crediting and royalties. He nonetheless did return to TSR in the mid-'80s to work with Gygax again. Following that, he began a second career as an educator, working in several schools with a particular focus on how to use gaming as an instructional tool.

You will be missed, Dave. *pouring out a little D20* Save a dragon for me.

R.I.P. Dungeons & Dragons Co-Creator Dave Arneson, 1947-2009 [wired]

Thanks to JMR, who once rolled snake-eyes on two D20's like five times in a row.

Apr 9 2009 Realistic (And Super Creepy) Mario Bros. Shirt

This is a super creepy looking Mario Bros. t-shirt that costs $20. You know, I'm really torn because I'm not particularly into this style of art, but I do love dinosaurs. Rock *me* hard place. And I do mean hard. Who knew Yoshi could be so sexy?

A: Me. September 1991, Super Mario World. First boner, age 10.

Hyper-real Mario, Luigi on Nightmarish Shirt [militantgeek]

Thanks to Jizzle, who tried to convince me he's ridden a dinosaur before but I could tell he was just trying to make jealous.

Apr 9 2009 Eva? No, A WALL-E Computer Case Mod

We've already seen Gamecube WALL-E, LEGO WALL-E, paper WALL-E, and wooden WALL-E, so it was only a matter of time before somebody went and case-modded the handsome little devil.

This project took 18 days from this Russian guy to accomplish. It all has began after he has watched that cartoon. An idea sparked thru his head "I want to build such thing to hold my computer stuff in it". A solid-metal Wall-E computer case, each detail carefully cut from the metal sheets processed and put in place.

Nice. I posted a couple more pictures of the finished product after the jump, but if you hit the link you'll be magically transported (thank you, internet!) to the build page with like a hundred billion-zillion incredibly slow-loading pictures of all the milling and metalwork that went into the thing. And speaking of things going into things....WALL-E was a trash compactor. I AM THE TIE-IN KING!

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the cuteness.

Continue Reading " Eva? No, A WALL-E Computer Case Mod "

Apr 9 2009 Bumptop: Your Own Personal 3D Desktop

Bumptop (which has been in the works for awhile) is a program that makes your desktop appear 3D and much more customizable and manipulable so you can resize icons according to importance and post stuff on the walls and all around have a jolly ol' time not being productive. It's a free download (for light, $29 for full), so go grab it and then show it off to your office-mates. Yell things like "BOO-YA!" and "FINGERBANGARANG!" while showcasing its features to let them know how superior your desktop is to theirs. But, if they're anything like me, they may tell you your desktop sucks and that their desktop is 4-D. At this point, you'll go back and forth 1-upping each other with ridiculous claims of 5-D and 20-D desktops, until one of you says theirs is actually Infinity-D . Then they other (you want this to be you) will insist they have an Infinity+1-D desktop, and that person will win.

Hit the jump for a video explaining all the fun to be had.

Continue Reading " Bumptop: Your Own Personal 3D Desktop "

Apr 9 2009 Two Chicks In A Bar Having A Lightsaber Fight

NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO UNDERWEAR.

This is a fake commercial for men's body spray that features two chicks having a lightsaber battle over some tainty dude that smells good. SPOILER: they cut each other's clothes off, making it the best commercial for a fake product EVER. I just ordered like a million cases. Or, I dunno, left my credit card number as a Youtube comment.

Youtube

Thanks to Dustin, Dallas and CJ, who once saw two chicks have a lightsaber duel while Jello wresting. I know, I should write erotic fiction.

Apr 9 2009 Time Appropriate: A Gallery Of Last Suppers

Just in time for Easter comes a gallery of last suppers, many of which with a geek twist to them. I posted a few of my favorites after the jump (including Popeye and Battlestar Galactica) but Popped Culture has 101 of them, so be sure to hit their link and see them all (in HQ to boot). And, speaking of last suppers: a small salad and two pieces of reheated pizza. Ha, I kid: two fifths of gin and a whole bear steak. Raw. It's an aphrodisiac you know. Like tiger penis, but boneless.

PUSH HIT IT REAL GOOD FOR THE REST.

Continue Reading " Time Appropriate: A Gallery Of Last Suppers "

Apr 8 2009 Yay!: Juice Boxes That Look Like The Fruit

What if juice boxes actually looked like the fruit that was inside? Then they would look like this! And, also, be more expensive. Yay!

Created by Japanese industrial designer Naoto Fukasawa, the juice box's packaging is supposed to be more appealing to the eye by imitating the actual fruit they contain. As Naoto puts it; "I imagined that if the surface of the package imitated the colour and texture of the fruit skin, then the object would reproduce the feeling of the real skin."

I love it. As you can see, that's what banana, strawberry, and shaven bull testicle boxes would look like there. Next up, milk. YOW YOW! Oh, wait -- breast milk. Juice me, baby.

Juice Boxes With Realistic Fruit Skin Textures [ohgizmo]

Apr 8 2009 Sexy Pirate Statue Angers Townspeople

Several people in the town of Girardville, Pennsylvania are upset over a busty pirate statue whose magical treasure chest (ZING!) draws scalawags into a local antique store. Amongst the town's most outspoken opponents of the statue is local Roman Catholic Priest, Edward Commolly.

"I believe that it's indecent. I guess it would be categorized as soft porn. If there is a definition of that, I would call it soft porn," said Father Edward Commolly.

Sorry, Father, but the definition of soft porn is the dryhumping you see on Cinemax. This is pure class.

"I think it's art. I don't see nothing wrong with that," said Randy Smith of Girardville.

"I think there is worse on television, to tell you the truth. If they want to do anything they shouldn't worry about a statue, they should start on television," said Heidi Martin.

Good lookin', Randy, totally agree: a statue of a female pirate with her blunderbusst (I could do this all day, folks) hanging out is art in the truest sense of the word. You hear that? Now walk the plank, Picasso! Oh, and valiant effort, Heidi, but they should definitely start on the internet.

Pirate Statue Stirs Controversy [wnep]

Thanks to Nefarious Nick, who totally made a friend take a picture while he was touching her rack. Wow, Nick, you've got problems. Awesome problems! Can I get a copy?

Apr 8 2009 Super Realisitic Dark Knight Joker Figures

This 1/6 scale Joker figure from Hot Toys' 'Movie Masterpiece Deluxe' line only stands a foot tall but is super-realistic, including moving, semi-translucent eyes. The figurine comes with two heads (one with Joker make-up, see after the jump), several different outfits, and interchangeable hands and weaponry. No word on price yet (probably expensive based on the quality), but they should be available sometime this summer/fall. So, start saving your milk money, kids. And also, yourself for marriage -- the wait is worth it.

Hit the jump for a bunch more detailed pictures.

Continue Reading " Super Realisitic Dark Knight Joker Figures "

Apr 8 2009 It Was Frickin' Huge: 54,324 Piece LEGO DSi

LEGO artist Sean Kenney was commissioned by Nintendo of America to build a giant DSi for display at the Nintendo World Store in NYC. So that's what he did. And here it is, in all it's 54,324 piece glory. Sadly, it doesn't work, which means that it's forever frozen with that picture of a cat on it. Which, while cute, is nowhere near as cute as my cat. Isn't that right, Mr. Whiskers? I swear, you are such a cutie with a booty -- come give daddy kissies! No, I didn't say asshole my face, I said kissies!

Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups and a 45-second time-lapse video of the build.

Continue Reading " It Was Frickin' Huge: 54,324 Piece LEGO DSi "

Apr 8 2009 Scanwiches: They're What's For Lunch

Scanwiches are cross-sectioned sandwiches that have been carefully digitized using a flatbed scanner. Each one provides a HQ picture of what to expect from a particular sandwich from a certain sandwich shop or deli. For instance, this is a Salami, Coleslaw, Tomato, and Mustard on a seeded roll from Parisi Bakery. Looks delicious! Now, if I just had a taste and smell-o-vision enabled computer monitor, I'd be in porkchop sandwiching heaven right now. But I don't, so you may be wondering why I'm licking the screen anways. You see, The Superficial Writer promised me a sweet boob post this afternoon, so I'm stretching. Now -- bringeth thine boobs, mine tongue awaits! Also, I brought a gauntlet just in case a certain dragon needs slaying.

Hit the jump for several more of the deliciousness and a link to the website.

Continue Reading " Scanwiches: They're What's For Lunch "

Apr 8 2009 Scorpion/Ant Robot As Scary As It Sounds

The A-Pod is a scary-ass robot built by some A-Hole because his parents didn't play with him enough as a child, and now he's hellbent on robotic world domination. Of course, I suppose it could have been a woman that built it, in which case, witchcraft. Now, where'd I put my pitchfork? Ha, I've been sitting on it this whole time!

A-Pod is an ant inspired hexapod robot with a 2 DOF abdomen (tail), a 3 DOF head with large mandibles. 6 legs with 3 DOF each. Total 25 servos. This video demonstrates body movement and mandible control. I still have to do some mechanical improvements to the legs (therefore little walking)

The majority of the video consists of the robot dry-humping the floor, but there was a little footage demonstrating how easily the bot's mandibles can hold a Coke can or snip off your change purse. Which, be honest, is probably just full of useless Canadian coins anyways. BOOM -- consider yourself metaphored, son!

Youtube

Thanks to Jon and Kevin, who tried stomping the bastard but only lost toes.

Apr 8 2009 Smart: Chimps Exchange Meat For Sex

In a move that proves that chimps have created a much awesomer society than we have, researchers have discovered that males will trade meat to females in return for regular sexy times. And apparently the NOMs for PEWs exchange program is completely legit in their advanced legal system!

This is a long-term exchange, so males continue to share their catch with females when they are not fertile, copulating with them when they are.

"What's amazing is that if a male shares with a particular female, he doubles the number of times he copulates with her, which is likely to increase the probability of fertilising that female."

Yow yow! Is all this Animal Planet talk making anyone else in here steamy? I swear, meat for sex, that's even better than a handful of $20's! Now, where can I rent a monkey suit this far from Halloween? Also, hot wings. I'm gonna need hot wings.

Chimpanzees exchange meat for sex [bbcnews]

Thanks to Ross, who wants to come in the next life as a chimp.

Apr 8 2009 Best Mouse Ever: The LED Message Mouse

The $21 LED message mouse has an LED laden fan in it that spins around and displays whatever barely decipherable message you want, while at the same time keeping your hand sweat-free during a particularly intense "gaming" (read: fapping) session. Granted, you won't be able to actually see your message while the device is in use, but that's a small price to pay for the awesome you know is just on the other side of your hand. Obviously, I'm talking about your hairy palm. Seriously bro, give it a rest.

Hit the jump for another shot and a video of the rodent in action.

Continue Reading " Best Mouse Ever: The LED Message Mouse "

Apr 7 2009 Violence Escalates Between Twilight Fans (Twihards) And Non-Twilight Fans (Anti's)

That's right folks, diehard Twilight fans (Twihards) are waging war on their non-teen vampire loving brethren (Anti's) for talking smack on the series. Thankfully, there's a discussion board that has collected all the cases of Twihards attacking Anti's with books, bricks, knives and flare guns. I'm sure some of them are fake, most are poorly written, but a couple of them were pretty funny. They're broken into categories, depending on the severity of the attack, ranging from slap on the wrist, to police worthy, to felony. You know, I always suspected these books were brainwashing readers into lives of violence. This Twilight series is even worse than gangster rap! And, oh God, my girlfriend is one of them! BURN IT WITH FIRE!

The Twihard Attack Directory [twilightsucks]

Thanks to Watch, who once called Dracula a blood-sucking taint and then peed in his sleeping-coffin.

Apr 7 2009 Man Finds Card Number Skimmer Attached To ATM, Removes, Takes Pictures, Internets

A man, Dan we'll call him, because that's his name (or is it? Allegedly it is), visited a Washington Mutual ATM to get some money. Pretty normal story so far, right? Did I mention he was wearing a dinosaur costume? He wasn't -- but you're right, that would have added a sexy twist. Well, when Danald was about to stick his junk in the machine, he noticed something fishy -- the junk receptacle just didn't feel right. So he ripped it off and, HIYO, a card skimmer! For those of you not in on the government conspiracy, skimmers are used to steal your credit card numbers and join adult websites. *ahem* So I've heard. Seriously though, I don't need technology to score women's numbers. Here, watch me work my magic on this chick.

Hey good lookin', what's your name? Oooh, Jenny, I like that. I'm Dick Dragon. I write Geekologie -- maybe you've heard of it? G-E-E-K-O-L-O-G-I-E. It's a website. Just Myspace, huh? Well listen -- you wanna come back to my place later and play strip Risk? No? Well how about you write your number down on this bar napkin anyways. Whoa, you actually did. 867-5309, I'll be calling you later. *wink*

A Man Finds an Actual Card Skimmer in the Wild, in the Flesh [gizmodo]

Apr 7 2009 For Sale: Star Trek Bridge Wall Murals

Want to add some oldschool Star Trek flair to your bedroom? How about a $187 wall mural depicting the command bridge from the original series? Not too shabby. Of course, it won't look nearly as good in your apartment as it does in this picture. It's called home staging, folks, and I know all about it. Now, which one of you lucky ladies wants to sit in my captain's chair? Ha, I know it's a beanbag, but use your imagination. Are you using it? Good. Now close your eyes and hold this phaser.

Star Trek TOS wall mural turns your mom's basement into the bridge of the Enterprise [dvice]

Apr 7 2009 Star Wars And Mario Russian Nesting Dolls

Some artsy folks went and custom painted traditional Matryoshka dolls to look like characters from Star Wars and Super Mario, respectively. Not bad. I think these would make a great arts-and-crafts project to do with your kids, provided they don't eat the paint or glue their heads to the kitchen table. Which, be honest, they totally will. Haha, do I know your kids or what? On my way to work today I saw your youngest standing in the front yard hitting himself in the head with a Whiffleball bat. *sniff* Made me wish I had one of my own. The bat, not the kid.

Hit the jump for some closeups of the two sets.

Continue Reading " Star Wars And Mario Russian Nesting Dolls "

Apr 7 2009 Flutter: Twitter's Latest Competition

Is 140 characters too many for you? Feel intimidated by all that space? Then check out Flutter, the latest in social blogging sites. Flutter promises to take Twitter's microblogging to the next level: nanoblogging -- with a limit of 26 characters per post, or "flap". Obviously, the video is a parody. But the really sad part is that it probably won't be for long. *waving junk around like a helicopter* Flap this, scumbags!

Youtube

Thanks toysoldier, Julian and 3bee, who once sat outside my bedroom window tweeting so loud I almost shot at them with a BB gun.

Apr 7 2009 But He Was Just Here: More Urban Camo

Urban camouflage is an ever growing fashion trend as more and more crazy people seem to be out to get you for no particular reason besides being batshit insane. Also, stalking. That's a problem too. Quick, look outside -- I am in your bushes! Can you see me? Sucker -- stalkers can use camo too! Now, look at the second bush to the right. Other way -- your right. You see me waving a stick? Made you look -- that's my penis! Honestly, what do you think?

Hit the jump for five more worthwhile ways to hide in plain sight.

Continue Reading " But He Was Just Here: More Urban Camo "

Apr 7 2009 Now That's Fine Art: Mario Strikes Back

This is painting by Los Angeles artist Misha entitled Empire. There are two others after the jump, both of which feature some relatively not-at-all-hot slave-girl Peach action (okay, the second one did a little something). They're all available for sale if you're interested, to the tune of $1,400. Which, haha, is a little out of my range. You see, I only sing bass. And speaking of which -- all yours are belong to me!

Hit it for the others.

Continue Reading " Now That's Fine Art: Mario Strikes Back "

Apr 7 2009 GM And Segway Making P.U.M.A. 'Car', Looks Suspiciously Like A Motorized Wheelchair

General Motors and Segway have teamed up to produce what might very well be a slightly modified Hoveround. It's self-balancing like a Segway, but with the style and quality you've come to expect from GM. And as you can see, they do come with the Gob Bluth seal of excitement.

The self-balancing Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility Project (P.U.M.A.) can reach top speeds of 35 MPH, has a lithium battery that lasts up to 35 miles with a single charge, and features vehicle-to-vehicle (V2V) communication for potentially reducing the number of accidents. No word on when or if this'll actually go into production but it's expected to be priced at just 25% that of a regular automobile.

Wow, that is one vehicle (in addition to a seatless bicycle) I can safely say I have absolutely no interest in driving. My God -- could you imagine getting T-boned in that thing? *BOOM* Porterhoused!

GM and Segway's P.U.M.A. unveiled and no, this isn't a joke [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who successfully rode a Segway down a flight of stairs but then got hit by a bicycle messenger at the bottom and lost a tooth. It was never found.

Apr 6 2009 It Hurts Just To Look At: The Trippy Clock

This Salvador Dali clock costs $15 and is painful to look at. I glanced at it once and nearly lost it. Then, which I was editing the image, I puked in my mouth a little. It was yogurt-y.

Just follow the hands out to meet the face and you'll be just fine. Zany is one word for it. Eclectic another. Put it above a bar and you'll have the punters examining the contents of their glasses. In short, buy this slippery, rubbery chronograph and say 'Hello, Dali' to a distorted vision of time. And an insight into the mind of a creative genius.

I don't know about all that. Besides, who needs a clock to make them feel like they're tripping? Now if you really wanna trip you need to drink this right here. Yeah, I know it tastes awful, but just trust me. Theeeeeere you go. So, feel anything yet? No? Well maybe you should walk around a little. *THUD* HAHA -- I tied your laces together when you were busy drinking my urine!

freaky dali-esque clock is twirlin', not meltin' [technabob]

Apr 6 2009 Mac Vs. PC: Wolverine Vs. Rorschach

This is a little video of Wolverine vs. Rorschach in the style of those Mac vs. PC commercials. You might like it, you might not. But that's neither here nor there, what's important is that my roommate ate all the leftover Chinese food I was saving for an afternoon snack, and now I want to kill him. The only problem is, I know I shouldn't because I already threatened to kill him last night loud enough for all the neighbors to hear. But, if he does turn up missing, you didn't read this. And if you think I can't make your computer explode and burn you to death with just a couple quick keystrokes, you've got another thing coming. And also, a pretty firm grasp of computer technology. Now, put your grandma on.

Youtube

Thanks to NUTZBABIE and NinjaMuffin, who once called Wolverine's mom a dirty ore and lived to tell about it.

Apr 6 2009 I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate

Normally I'm an airplane glue kind of guy, but hey, chocolate could be good. Good mixed with airplane glue! That's what I'm talkin' about -- double fist style! Anyway, Le Whif breathable chocolates are supposed to give you the same sensations as eating chocolate, but probably nowhere near as good. An analogy: Breathable chocolate:chocolate::porn:sex. With both breathable chocolate and porn you get no ass! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING!

Over the centuries we've been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals," says (David) Edwards who, coincidentally (yeah, right) has a new novel out at the same time. It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we've helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion. We call it whiffing.

No, we call it huffing, Dave. Whiffing is when you try to punch somebody and miss. If you're interested, Le Whif huffgun shells are available in chocolate, mint chocolate, chocolate raspberry and chocolate mango and sell for about $4 a pop. No word on how much huff you get out of a single canister, but if I had to guess, I'd say one...two...three... *CRUNCH* three.

Hit the jump for a video of some bicycle-seat whiffing in action.

Continue Reading " I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate "

Apr 6 2009 Thief Uses Head As Battering Ram, Fails

A would-be thief tried to use his head as a battering ram to bust open the back door of a home in St Petersburg, Florida. He failed miserably. But I loved how he got down like a bull before charging the door, I thought that was a nice touch. Just chalk it up as a learning experience, buddy. One about God not compensating for lacking brainpower with a reinforced skull and spine.

Nutty robber uses his head [thesun]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne, who once laid siege to an entire castle wearing a bicycle helmet.

Apr 6 2009 Taste The Rainbow With A Rainbow Cake!

Want to make a rainbow cake to celebrate Easter or being gay? Do it up -- but I get to lick the spatula when you're finished. And by "the" I mean "your". Just sayin', I'm cool pitching for both teams. And when I say "pitching", I obviously mean "catching". I talk in code! Now, throw me a fastball, champ, I'm late for work.

Hit the jump for several more of the awesomeness and a link to the recipe.

Continue Reading " Taste The Rainbow With A Rainbow Cake! "

Apr 6 2009 For Sale: The T-Virus Vial From Resident Evil

Want to own the T-virus? Want to own the vial the T-virus came in? Well now you can, thanks to a $3,800 eBay auction for (one of?) the very vial(s) used in Resident Evil: Extinction!

Direct from the set of Resident Evil:Extinction comes the very very key virus tube! This is one of the most sought after movie collectibles from this franchise and is yours to bring home today. This is a glass vial with non-removable metal end caps with empty spiraling inner glass tubes. (One of the Tubes is loose) This measures approximately 4.75" x 1.5" and is screen used.

What do you mean, "One of the Tubes is loose"? I ain't paying no damn $4K for a nonfunctional virus container, I'll tell you that right now. You try to fill that up and next thing you know you're spilling T-virus juice down the front of your pants. Which....

UPDATE: It grew arms! Now, who needs a Monday hug?

eBay Auction

Thanks to OctopusPie, who's delicious with a little CuttlefishIcecream.

Apr 6 2009 Creep Factor 12: Learning Robot Child

What is this, an entry in the world's creepiest robot competition? Shockingly not. It's 'Child-robot with Biomimetic Body' (CB2), a learning robot and harbinger of death. Just look into those eyes -- can you feel him stabbing you in your sleep? I can, and it burns. You see, he's using a laser knife. Technology: robots have it.

As you might expect, the bot hasn't simply spent its past two years of existence terrifying the staff at Osaka University, it's actually been learning, and it's now apparently able to make use of its 51 air-powered motors to move itself through a room "quite smoothly" -- with a helping hand, of course. What's more, the researchers behind CB2 are now also starting to talk about some of their future projects, including a new "robo species" that they say will have learning abilities "somewhere between those of a human and other primate species such as the chimpanzee."

Osaka, Osaka, Osaka, when will you learn? I say cut the robotics and actually make a positive contribution to humanity instead of trying to destroy us. Need some ideas for areas of study? Good, I happen to have a list: 1. cloning dinosaurs 2. cloning the things that came after dinosaurs but weren't dinosaurs but were still really sexy, like woolly mammoths and shit. 3. a shrinking ray.

Well, I think you've got your work cut out for you, now get cracking. Also, I'd be happy to intern if you ever successfully clone anything. No, really, I insist.

CB2 "Child Robot" returns: smarter, creepier than ever [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, Paul, Crystal, Spoonman and Soop, who thought the robot was cute and are therefore dead to me.

Apr 6 2009 Cool: PEW PEW Laser Fashion PEW PEW

Hussein Chalayan is a fashion *PEW PEW!* designer I've never heard of, but that's *PEW PEW!* okay because there are probably only a handful of names I would *PEW PEW!* recognize anyway. Unlike The Superficial Writer who, *PEW PEW!*, can rattle off their names and collections faster than you a normal man can *PEW PEW!* fire up a chainsaw. In this particular showcase, now to be known as The PEW PEW! Collection, Husssein had engineer Moritz Waldemeyer add servo-driven *PEW PEW!* lasers to the dresses. Nice, guys. As you can see, the *PEW PEW!* dresses are sure to be a big *PEW PEW!* hit at raves. Unfortunately, you may never *PEW PEW!* see one because I'm suing the pants (!) off Chalayan. You see, I burnt my *PEW PEW!* retinas out trying to score an upskirt shot.

Hit the *PEW PEW!* jump for a bunch *PEW PEW!* more.

Continue Reading " Cool: PEW PEW Laser Fashion PEW PEW "

Apr 5 2009 Friend Me: Celebrities' Fake Facebook Pages

For fun on April 1st, PC World Magazine made a bunch of fake Facebook pages for celebrities (we've already seen God's), including, and pretty much limited to: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elvis, Andy Warhol, Satan, Rush Limbaugh, Hillary Clinton, Dr. Manhattan and William Shakespeare. I posted a little of Mr. Gates' there so you could get an idea of what to expect. Go HERE if you want to check them out in their full detail. And if not, hey, we can still be friends. Facebook friends! Seriously, my friend list is empty without you. Haha, I just sent you a virtual bumper sticker, now Superpoke me!

UPDATE: Readers Jess and Zeyd sent me the Facebook page of Greek mythology students. You can see it HERE.

Facebook Pages We'd Like to See [pcworld]

Thanks to Rafi, who still hasn't accepted my friend request. Seriously, just hit the button, bro.

Apr 5 2009 Let Me Guess, Robots Invented These Too: Little Batteries Powered By Human Blood

It may look like the world's smallest golden wallet, but it's actually a cyborg battery. You see, in the future robots will harvest humans to provide the blood they need to recharge their batteries. Well, happy Sunday to you too!

A small colony of yeast lives inside each battery, and this living core of the fuel cell can draw energy from glucose (sugar) in blood flowing around it. According to New Scientist:

The yeast-based fuel cell produces around 40 nanowatts of power, compared to the microwatt a typical wristwatch battery might produce, Chaio says. That might be enough power for some devices if it were coupled with a capacitor to allow energy to be stored. The yeast could also be genetically engineered to boost its power output.

Great news. No really, that's just wonderful. Currently, scientists are considering the cyborg battery for use in pacemakers and other implantable devices, while robots are considering how much blood they need to power chainsaws and laser blasters. But I'll tell you one thing -- ain't no robotic vampire drilling this neck. Eat oak, Dracu-bot! *tink* Oh shit.

Batteries That Feed on Blood [io9]

Thanks to David, Jon and Jamie, who refuse to donate blood to a damn robot.

Apr 5 2009 Mega Man 2: From Start To Finish In Song

NOTE: Video is NSFW due to language.

This is a song about beating all the bosses in Mega Man 2 and winning the game. It's long though, so the best way to view it is to skip around unless you really have seven minutes to kill. Also, it's NSFW because they say lots of bad words. But that's okay, because it's Sunday and you're not at work are you? No, you're in church on your Blackberry. So, fire away champ -- it's what Jesus would do.*

*This claim has not been approved by the Vatican, or even a local pastor. In fact, I haven't run it by anyone. Except the dog, who just looked at me quizzically before going back to licking herself. Which, at least in my eyes, is a total yes.

Youtube

Thanks to Leif, Alex, Kevin and Geoff, who once stuck sticks in Fan Man's blades and Fan Man secretly liked it.

Apr 4 2009 65,000 Piece LEGO Shuttle On Launch Pad

It may look real, but that's actually a 65,000 piece LEGO shuttle complete with launch pad and naked alien sluts, minus the naked alien sluts. It took two guys over 1,590 hours to complete and even has flashing lights and sound effects to simulate a launch.

Part of the "Nasu Space Center," it appeared as a scene in Nasu Highland Park, an amusement park in Japan.

The duo who assembled it are said to be participating in an event to top the tallest LEGO tower ever built, an accolade which is currently held by LEGO enthusiasts in Vienna, who constructed a tower over 96 feet tall.

Awesome. And as a guy who has tried to build a functional rocket out of LEGO blocks himself, I've got to hand it to these guys: sex is mad overrated. Am I right, guys? High-fi.... actually, a nod will do.

Hit the jump for two more pictures and a horrible quality video of a launch in action.

Continue Reading " 65,000 Piece LEGO Shuttle On Launch Pad "

Apr 4 2009 Hardcore: Man Gets Hand Cut Off With Samurai Sword, Punches Attacker With Stump

Peter Rogers is a hardcore dude. First he insults some guy's girlfriend's mother, and then, in the resulting bar fight, gets his hand cut off with a samurai sword but continues to punch his attacker in the face with his bloody stump. Wow, Mr Rogers (I really loved your little train set!).

Detective Garda Tony Gleeson told Dublin Circuit Criminal Court that Russell severed Mr Roger's hand at the wrist with his first swing of the sword and his hand fell to the ground. Mr Rogers continued to struggle with Russell and at one stage punched the accused in the face with the stump of his arm.

Det Gda Gleeson said that Mr Rogers had been in the pub with a number of friends that day when he heard someone shout, "there's the c**t" before he was struck from behind with a hammer. This blow came from Russell's co-accused and friend who was then wrestled away by bar staff.

Russell then swung a samurai sword at Mr Rogers and continued to strike at him four or five times before staff dragged him away. He was restrained by the bar manager but managed to escape and fled the scene.

Det Gda Gleeson said that one customer picked up Mr Rogers' hand and placed it in ice in a black bag. The victim was taken to the Mater hospital where he underwent emergency surgery to re-attach his hand. He is 'unlikely to regain full use' of limb.

First of all, good looking, Mr Rogers (I loved that episode where you visited the post office!) Secondly, how the hell do you get a samurai sword into a bar? I mean, I can't even count the times I've been frisked because a doorman suspected my penis was a WMD (which, to their credit, it totally is. Ladies?). Lastly, sorry to hear about your hand, Mr Rogers (don't forget to feed the fish!), but look on the bright side -- Best. Strangers. EVER.

Sword attacker sliced off victim's left hand [independent]

Thanks to Matthew and Cian, who once got their hands cut off but only cried about it. Wow, you two could really learn a thing or two from Mr Rogers here. Including, but not limited to: how to be a good neighbor.

Apr 4 2009 Breakfast Of The Ancients: Baconhenge

Baconhenge is what the ancients ate for breakfast before battling the shit out of each other with rocks and tree branches. Also, sacrificing virgins to the potato gods and dancing around with gourds on their junk (trust me, I mistakenly sat in on an anthropology class when I was high). So, what's in the delicious meal? Basically a bunch of bacon-wrapped French toast sticks standing in a dozen-egg frittata. Mmmm.

Let Baconhenge be the site of your seasonal celebration! Let bacon stand in for the sacrificed Year King, French toast for the Grain Goddess, the eggs in the frittata for the Cosmic Egg, and the vegetables for the bountiful Earth on which we live.

Yeah, you could do that. Or just eat it because it's freaking delicious. Bon Appétit! Or, as we say here in the U.S., Bon Appéboob.

Hit the link for the entire recipe.

Baconhenge [theanticraft]

Thanks to Steve, who got an immediate Bon Appéboner when he saw Baconhenge in real life.

Apr 3 2009 Uh-Oh, They Don't Need Us: Robot Scientist Makes Own Discoveries Without Human Help

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you thought yesterday's fire-breathing robot-baby was bad, you're in for a real treat. Adam, a robot scientist, has officially "discovered new scientific knowledge independently of a human operator." Run for the hills folks, and I'm not even kidding.

The device has already identified the role of several genes in yeast cells, and has the ability to plan further experiments to test its own hypotheses. Ross King, from the university's computer science department, remarked that the robot is meant to take care of the tedious aspects of the scientific method, freeing up human scientists for "more advanced experiments."

Yeah, too bad this robotic bastard is gonna trump all the human scientists. How long until a robot receives a Nobel prize -- two, three years? Then what -- what's the next big discovery?

A: That humans are dispensable.*

*This answer based entirely on The Geekologie Writer's own speculation and ability to see the future when he's high. Also, it might be the booze talking, but it's totally not (it is). YOU ROBASTARDS WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! *pew pew*

Thanks to bum master, Chris, Jake, Joemo, Katie, Phil, Austin, Dan, Tank, Adrian, Harrison, two different Jons, Jay, Milkman, adam, Martyn and Charks, who obviously don't care if I have nightmares. Thanks a lot, dicks.

Apr 3 2009 I Want: Jackets Made From Blow-Up Dolls

You heard right, 31-year old Utrecht-based designer Sander Reijgers modifies track jackets with parts from blow-up dolls to make them mad sexy. It's about time!

I customize existing tracksuit tops with parts of the blow-up dolls: the head, the breasts, the vagina, the anus. These dolls are so ugly and vulgar that turning them into something beautiful has become a challenge for me. The doll is a means to convey something else.

ZOMG, I want one! Except I want mine to have like a hundred vaginas and two nipples on the head like little antennae. Wait till the people on the bus seem me! "ZIP ZAP, I AM FROM MARS."

Hit the jump to see several better ones, I only chose this picture for the front page because of that junkie's ass.

Continue Reading " I Want: Jackets Made From Blow-Up Dolls "

Apr 3 2009 Tuantaun Sleeping Bag Becoming Reality?

As you may recall, ThinkGeek cruelly offered a tauntaun sleeping bag as an April Fool's joke, just to break your heart. Well, because of the overwhelming demand for such a product, Thinkgeek has decided to look into actually having them made.

ATTN Tauntaun Fanatics!

Due to an overwhelming tsunami of requests from YOU THE PEOPLE, we have decided to TRY and bring this to life. We have no clue if the suits at Lucasfilms will grant little ThinkGeek a license, nor do we know how much it would ultimately retail for. But if you are interested in ever owning one of these, click the link below and we'll try!

If you go to the product site you can click on the link that says 'Email me IF available' to be notified if they actually get made. But one thing's for sure: if they're getting made, I'm getting laid (in one). Ever made love inside a tauntaun? It's warm. And squishy.

Product Site

Thanks to roflbot (who I may still kill despite the tip) and Allison, whose tauntauns could easily make to the second marker before freezing.

Apr 3 2009 Elevator Garages 'Must Have' For The Rich

We already featured a Lamborghini elevator garage a while ago, now here comes one with a Porsche. Apparently London's rich are going apeshit over these things, and buying them faster than Cardock can build them.

The £40,000 (~$59,000) parking spots can be hidden beneath a flowerbed, lawn, or even another parking space.Owners simply press a button on a keyring to raise they car out of the ground much like the rocket launching apparatus in Thunderbirds.

There is already a four month waiting list to get the sci-fi style parking space installed.

Wow, that sounds like an enormous waste of money. Seriously, I suggest you rich asshats on the waiting list go find some other idiotic way to blow your money. I mean it, go! Haha -- now who's first in line, bitches?!

Pop-up garage is latest London must-have [newslite]

Thanks to towhee, who has a whole elevator garage for her shoes. You know, because women like shoes.

Apr 3 2009 Geekologie Writer Quoted On CakeWrecks

Well, this is the part of the day when I toot my own horn because nobody else will touch it, no matter how much money or free ShamWow I offer. So, the cakewrecks blog (a personal favorite of mine) quoted me in a post about nose cakes yesterday. I'm "that guy from Geekologie". WOOT! I've made it -- I've finally made it! *wipes tear* You see that, dad? And you always said I'd never amount to anything! What? I told you, your rent money is coming! Fix my sink already, God. Also, could you float me a $20 -- I wanna go to the mall.

Cakewrecks

Thanks to Whitney and Melodious Monk for pointing out the PEW.

Apr 3 2009 Angry Villagers Chase Off Street View Car

A group of angry villagers in Broughton, England chased off a Google Street View car because they feared an invasion of privacy and increased crime in the area.

"I was upstairs when I spotted the camera car driving down the lane," resident Paul Jacobs told The Times of London. "My immediate reaction was anger: How dare anyone take a photograph of my home without my consent? I ran outside to flag the car down and told the driver he was not only invading our privacy but also facilitating crime.

"This is an affluent area. We've already had three burglaries locally in the past six weeks. If our houses are plastered all over Google it's an invitation for more criminals to strike. I was determined to make a stand, so I called the police."

Just to be fair, I broke into Mr. Jacob's home and stole his valuables and last bowl of cereal just to prove that, even without Street View, The Geekologie Writer will still rob you blind. But seriously, Paul, if you could pick up some more Raisin Nut Bran, that would be awesome.

Gang of villagers chase away Google car [cnn]

Thanks to Brad, who once chased a Google Street View car six blocks before he realized it was a pizza delivery guy.

Apr 3 2009 Par 3: The World's Most Extreme Golf Hole

South Africa's Legends Golf & Safari Resort has a very special hole 19 -- a par 3 with a teebox that sits 1,400 feet above the green. The 630-yard hole requires a helicopter to reach the tee and a ball takes nearly 30 seconds to drop to the green below (provided you don't whiff it).

Playing all 19 holes runs about 2,000 South African rand, or about $220 in American bills, but for that you get the helicopter ride, plus a bunch of souvenir swag and a DVD of your shot.

Sweeeeet. Nailing a hole-in-one on the the 19th nets you a cool $1 million. So, practice your swing and meet me in South Africa (read: you bring radio-controlled balls).

Hit the jump for an amazing video of the hole.

Continue Reading " Par 3: The World's Most Extreme Golf Hole "

Apr 3 2009 Reader Makes Tribble Cage From Old Monitor

Geekologie Reader Jen went and made a Tribble cage out of an old CRT monitor. For those of you who don't know, Tribbles are those adorable furry bastards from the Star Trek series. And as you can see, Jen did a great job making a wonderful little home for one. Good looking. Just don't get him wet -- we don't want any Gremlins on our hands! Haha, do I know my stuff or what?

Hit the jump for six more close-ups of the custom cage.

Continue Reading " Reader Makes Tribble Cage From Old Monitor "