Feb 28 2009 Astronomers Photograph the Eye Of God

Finally, a clear shot of God's eye.

The European Organisation for Astronomical Research in the Southern Hemisphere, aka (mercifully) ESO, has released an impressive image of the Helix Nebula captured by La Silla Observatory in Chile.

The nebula, lying at around 700 light-years away in the constellation of Aquarius, has quickly been dubbed the "Eye of God", for obvious reasons.

I've got news for you folks: this is not, in fact, God's real eye. How do I know? Well you remember in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Germans finally opened the Ark of the Covenant? What happened? Precisely -- ghosts and shit flew out and shot through their stupid Nazi faces and killed them all. That one dude even melted. So, you still alive? Exactly.

Stargazers peer into the 'Eye of God' [theregister]

Thanks to Tim, who knows the true eye of God burns like a laserbeam.

Feb 28 2009 Yes Please!: World Of Warcraft Beer Steins

Oh hell yes. Now that's what I call drinking like a king! A Lich King. ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING! These World of Warcraft beer steins come in three models: the Lich King (pictured here), the Blood of the Horde, and the Alliance United (go HERE to check those out). Each costs $90 and is far superior to a Solo cup, both in volume AND ability to be used as a weapon. KA-CRACK! -15 your skull.

Order Page
via
World of Warcraft: Wrath of The Lich King Beer Stein [uberreview]

Feb 27 2009 Rad To The Power Of Sick $2.5 Million iPhone

That's right folks, a ridiculously stupid $2.5 million iPhone complete with 18-carat gold, 160 small diamonds, and topped off with a 6.6-carat behemoth as the home button. The piece is called the 'King's Button' and is available now if you want it. But, if you're looking for something a little cheaper, forget the King's Button, I've got your Peasant's Joystick right here -- $2.75.

World's Stupidest, Most Expensive iPhone Mod Yet Costs 2.5 Million Dollars [gizmodo]

Feb 27 2009 Mmmm, Brains: Delicious AND Nutritious

Maybe the zombies got something right after all. Brains, as it turns out, are chock-full of healthy cholesterol. You know, the kind that makes your heart stop. That's right, a single 5.5 oz can of pork brains contains 3,500mg of heart-arresting deliciousness -- about 1170% of your daily value. Bet you can't eat just one!

The "Worst Food Product Ever" May Have Been Found [consumerist]

Thanks to twellve, who ate two cans and then puked worse than she ever has in her life.

Feb 27 2009 Aha!: The Secret To Google Street View

You ever wonder how those Google Street cars are covering the world's roads so quickly? Hyperdrive, baby, hyperdrive. CLICK CLICK VROOM VROOM!

Google Maps

Thanks to kulow, who discovered the worm hole searching for directions to Jimmy John's. Subs so fast you'll freak, mmmm.

Feb 27 2009 Guy Makes Realistic Bioshock Syringe

Harrison Krix, the same guy that made the realistic Portal gun for his girlfriend has gone and made himself an ADAM syringe from Bioshock. Krix is a prop designer by trade, so it comes as no surprise he loves making this sort of thing.

Krix started with the pump and handle of the syringe, which he noted was modeled in the game after 1920's era gasoline pumps. Guess there are a lot of old-timey gasoline scraps lying around Atlanta, because Krix found his own pump, circa 1926, to use in his project. After that, he found a glass container to hold his "ADAM," added a cap to the end of the handle, and then stuck on the needle, which he built from a foot-long piece of PVC.

From there, he built some LED lights into the ADAM chamber to give his ADAM (which he made with red dye, hairgel and water) that freshly-harvested-from-human-flesh glow. For the piece de resistance, he attached a baby bottle nipple to the ADAM chamber, so you can pretend to drink the ADAM just like a Little Sister would. After that, it was just a matter of adding weathering effects to make the thing look like it'd been around the block of a failed underwater utopia.

I'd drink from it. Krix does commission work too so check out his blog if you're interested in him making you something. I'm already requested a Master Sword and Triforce though, so it may take him a while to get to your project. And speaking of which: I really don't feel safe when I come to visit, you should move.

Hit the jump for several more shots(!) of the awesome.

UPDATE: ZOMG, he already made a Master Sword, along with Hylean shield and Midna's helmet! Go here to check them out.

Continue Reading " Guy Makes Realistic Bioshock Syringe "

Feb 27 2009 Coooool!: All Glass House Has Sliding Exterior

The Sliding House is an all glass house built by Ross Russell and his wife in Suffolk, England. Its exterior walls and roof are all one piece that can be rolled off of the glass shell via a system of wheels and motors, exposing the entire house to sunlight. I want one. And not just because I'm an exhibitionist, but because HEY, LOOKIE HERE! Haha, yeah, because I'm an exhibitionist.

Youtube

Thanks to Dan and Joemo, whose houses don't just slide, they electric slide.

Feb 27 2009 Successfully Marketing Your Bike On eBay

Australian eBay seller yellowscooter knows how to sell a damn bike. Dude could probably sell gamma radiation to The Hulk.

This is a max wicked sick BMX. It's a Reliance Boomerang and it's done heaps of maximum extreme stunts. I have mostly done stunts on this bike since forever. Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on it and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx. Some details about sickmax BMX: Comes with everything you see including: TOPS AS SUSPENSION REAR FORKS!! 2 x wheels 1 x seat I will even thrown my sick BMXing name for FREE - Wicked Styx. Has minor surface rust on handlebars and front forks (easily removed). More rust on rear forks (as shown in pics). Tyres hold air but are pretty old. Basically, it's an old BMX, but it's radness is still 100% in tact. Tricks I have done on this BMX: Endos - 234. Sick Wheelies - 687. Skids - 143,000. Bunny Hops - 2 (my brother dared me to do them, which I did because I'm Rad to the power of Sick). Flipouts - 28. Basically if you buy this bike you will instantly become a member to every club that was ever invented, worldwide, because you will be awesome. Pick up from Richmond in Melbourne. Throw your hands in the air like you just don't mind.

Damn, I'm pissed bidding has already ended -- I desperately need that bike! I'll do anything to be Rad to the power of Sick! Because right now I'm hovering around Lame to the power of Healthy. And let me tell you -- it gets no ladies. Hey GW, how many ladies you getting? NONE.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Jackson and russel, who are both Raddest to the power of Sickest.

Feb 27 2009 XBox Live's Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy

XBox Live doesn't want you letting anybody know you're gay. Because that's offensive. Recently, a woman was banned from online gaming for identifying herself as a lesbian in her profile.

My account was suspended because I had said in my profile that I was a lesbian. I was harassed by several players, 'chased' to different maps/games to get away from their harassment. They followed me into the games and told all the other players to turn me in because they didn't want to see that crap or their kids to see that crap.

As if xbox live is really appropriate for kids anyways! My account was suspended and xbox live did nothing to solve this, but instead said others found it offensive.

Hey, that reminds me, people suck. Per XBox Live's don't tell policy:

In regards to sexual orientation, for gamertags or profiles we do not allow expression of any type of orientation, be that hetero or other. Players can, however, self identify in voice communication where context is more easily explained to all players involved.

Weak. I say XBox embrace the gay community and ban all the harassers. I'm tired of gaming with a bunch of pre-pubescent boys anyways. Their voices alone make me want to throw the system out the window. Tolerance, XBox, tolerance. And for those of you that feel stifled by the inability to post your sexual preference on XBox Live, feel free to do so here. I'll even get us started with the first comment.

Identifying Yourself As A Lesbian Gets You Banned On XBOX Live [consumerist]
and
Microsoft's Policy Regarding Identifying Sexual Orientation On XBOX Live [consumerist]

Thanks to Marc, who was tolerant even after I puked in his car.

Feb 27 2009 I Like: Sesame Street Duct Tape Wallets

These are duct tape wallets made to look like Sesame Street characters. As you can see, there's Burt, Ernie, the Count, the homoerotic ticklish one, that crazy cooking eating bitch, and the angry bastard that lives in a homeless dome.

Each have a character on the front, with 6 slots for your cards (each can fit 2 or 3 cards) and a pocket for your money and reciepts. At $13 each plus $3 for shipping, it's not a bad price.

As cool as it would be to whip one of these mama-jamas out on a first date, I always let the lady pay for dinner. And, if she's lucky, I'll take care of dessert. Ice cream cake, baby -- love that shit!

Sesame Street Duct Tape Wallets [wallethacker]

Thanks to Hatch, who was made famous for his role in LOST.

Feb 26 2009 Kid Designs Homeless Domes Out Of Trash

12-year old Max Wallack is a boy. A 12-year old one. Max Wallack, 12-year old boy, understands the plight of the homeless. Not really, because he's never been homeless, but he still feels for them all the same. Did I mention he's an inventor? 12-year old boy-inventor Max Wallack designed a homeless dome for the less fortunate, out of trash.

12-year-old Max Wallack stole the show at Design Squad's Trash to Treasure contest with his "Home Dome." The dome provides shelter for the homeless and is made from plastic, wire and packing peanuts.

This isn't his first big win. "When I was six," Max said, "I won an invention contest that included a trip to Chicago. While there, I saw homeless people living on streets, and beneath highways and underpasses. I felt very sorry for these people, and ever since then, felt that my goal and obligation was to find a way to help them. My invention improves the living conditions for homeless people, refugees, or disaster victims by giving them easy-to-assemble shelter."

Good looking, Max, I'm proud of you. It's a nice change to see a youngster finally using their superpowers for good. Because if I were you I'd have been x-ray visioning through all my teacher's shirts. ZOMG, check out the chest hair on that shop teacher -- it's like a forest!

Hit the jump for a video about Max and his invention.

Continue Reading " Kid Designs Homeless Domes Out Of Trash "

Feb 26 2009 Billy Idol's 'White Wedding', The Literal Version

This is the literal music video for Billy Idol's 'White Wedding'. I'm mostly posting it because I have a special affinity for Billy. You see, I went to see The Who perform Quadrophenia and Billy Idol made a special appearance dressed as a bell boy when they played the appropriately titled 'Bell Boy'. Then they broke into "White Wedding" and Billy scanned the entire crowd before flipping me the bird. Out of all those people, he chose ME to flick off! I haven't blinked since. Love you Billy! What do you say -- me, you, a white wedding? Sleep on it.

White Wedding: Literal Video Version [funnyordie]

Thanks to Dustin, who had an orange and purple wedding because of the acid.

Feb 26 2009 Shot-Gun Brings New Meaning To The Word

The Shot-Gun is by far the most delicious way to get shot. Because, instead of lead, it fills you with booze! And booze, my friends, makes the world go around. Or at least the room. Whee, I'm on a carousel!

Armed with the Alcohol Shot Gun, you can re-enact the most memorable movie scenes from "Dirty Harry" to "Matrix". "Do you feel lucky, sucker" is the only question? Pour in an ounce of your favorite drink into the cartridge, cock the trigger, point and shoot.

Call me crazy, but I want one. PEW! I feel better already. PEW! Mmmm, so warm in my belly. PEW PEW! I think that gfirl is lwooking at me. PEW PEW! i called her ugly a whorew . PEW PE? WHO ASE YOU CLALING DRUNK! Oh, ohs no -- PEW PEWK! PEEEEEWWWWWWK! ack, IthInk i popped A BLOODVESSEL in my eye. ugh. PEW! Oh yeah, that's the stuff.

Alcohol Shot Gun [slipperybrick]

Thanks to Derrick, who accidentally shot himself in the eye and now it burns.

Feb 26 2009 Oooh, Shiny: A Non-Reversing Mirror

Finally, I can sleep peacefully at night.

Hicks, a mathematician at Drexel University, Philadelphia, used computer algorithms to generate the mirror's bizarre surface, which curves and bends in different directions. The curves direct rays from an object across the mirror's face before sending them back to the viewer, flipping the conventional mirror image.

Awesome. I want them installed on the ceiling above my bed. Because then, wait -- it would still look me making love to myself, wouldn't it? Damn.

Reflecting on a new generation of mirrors [newscientist]
and a cool gallery of
Anamorphic Art [newscientist]

Thanks to twellve, who doesn't need a non-reversing mirror because she stopped wearing eyeliner when he found out it was tested on bunnies.

Feb 26 2009 I Knew It!: Violent Video Games Helps Prepare Children For The Coming Apocalypse

This is an Onion News roundtable discussion on the benefit of children playing violent video games. And as I suspected, violent games do, in fact, prepare the world's youth for the coming apocalypse.

Playing video games all day, alone and friendless, is simply the best way we have to prepare our children for a life of solitude in a barren wasteland.

Finally, somebody speaking some sense. So fret not, parents, buying your children violent video games might just provide them with the know-how they need to survive in the the future. Or, I dunno, bring a gun to school. Either one.

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse? [theonion]

Thanks to Mister Tiddles, who I think might be a cat.

Feb 26 2009 Must Have!: LEGO Minifig 'Business Cards'

So apparently LEGO employees get custom minifigs made to look like them, complete with printed contact info to use as business cards. Well tickle me jealous! LEGO, if you're reading this, I must have some. Go ahead and use my picture from hotornot. Seriously, I'm a solid 6.5. I NEED THESE BUSINESS FIGS! There's just nothing more gratifying than rolling around with a pocketful of minifigs. Or change. Ching ching, ladies -- Mr. Moneybags coming!

LEGO Business Card [wired]

Thanks to Fally, who would make one hell of a good looking minifig.

Feb 26 2009 It's A Little Early: Hole-y Halloween Costume

It's never too early to start planning your next Halloween costume. In fact, I've got my costumes planned through 2016: Link, Link, Link, a Goron, a Zora, Link, a pirate, Dracula. Awh yeah, baby. But if you want to go as a guy with a wig on and a hole through his gut, go for it. All you need is a little LCD screen and video camera.

By using a travel DVD player strapped to my stomach, with video coming from a digital camera strapped to my back, it creates the illusion that I have a very large hole in my stomach.

Flickr user 'evanbooth', the creator, calls the costume the 'The Gaping Hole'. Which, ironically, is what I call the ex. *swish* Count it!

Hit the jump for a picture of the actual setup.

Continue Reading " It's A Little Early: Hole-y Halloween Costume "

Feb 26 2009 Cleverbot: Arguably Clever, Wants Us To Die

Cleverbot is a stupid little AI website where you can go and converse with a moronic computer. I asked it all kinds of questions and it didn't know jack. One time I even asked if it wanted me to punch it in the teeth and it said yes! Granted, getting punched in the mouth by yours truly is an honor, but still. Anyway, Geekologie loyalist Josh was getting all philosophical with the bot when it turned on him. I hope this serves as an example for the rest of you: if you play with fire, you're gonna lose your eyebrows. Haha, you look funny.

Cleverbot

Thanks Josh, I'm sure they'll grow back.

Feb 25 2009 End Of The World Perspective Street Art

Edgar Mueller is a 3-D street artist like Julian Beever, except he works in paint instead of chalk. This is one of three massive, street-filling pieces by Edgar (other two after the jump). Oh man, just look at that car in the back -- that thing is going nowhere! . Also, what kind of parents let their child play on the edge of a precipice like that? Awesome ones, that's who.

Hit the jump for two different ones and a 'making of' video.

Continue Reading " End Of The World Perspective Street Art "

Feb 25 2009 Woman Gets Custom Mermaid Tail Prosthetic

A New Zealand woman has had a custom mermaid tail prosthetic made for her by Weta Workshop (special effects studio responsible for Lord Of The Rings, etc.). Nadya Vessey lost both of her legs below the knee as the result of a medical condition when she was young.

Ms Vessey told a little boy: "I'm a little mermaid" when he asked what happened to her legs and the idea stuck.

Weta costumer Lee Williams, who worked on the suit between film projects with seven other staff, told Close Up she "wanted [Nadya] to be beautiful and sexy".

After seeing Ms Vessey test the tail in Kilbirnie pool then frolic in the harbour, Ms Williams was stoked. "It was absolutely amazing. It's beautiful to watch Nadya swim and to see that dream come true and to be a part of that. I feel quite blessed."

Beautiful. That's beautiful, isn't it? You think she can still make love with the tail on? Because if so, I'm interested. And also, in the market for a snorkel.

Continue Reading " Woman Gets Custom Mermaid Tail Prosthetic "

Feb 25 2009 Girl Vlogs About Going To Anime Convention Sweet Looking Super Famicon Zelda Mod

Contrary to popular belief (and this sweet white jacket), I am not a medical expert. Apparently that Katsucon chick has some condition. I just thought she was a witch. Please accept this apology for being a dick and feel free to stone me if it makes you feel better. But remember: people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies. Anyway, in chick's place is a Super Famicon decked out Zelda style. It's green in places, gold in others, and has a nice blue glow underneath. Also, a little Master Sword and over 100 comments already.

Holy Triforce: SNES Zelda mod is awesome [slipperybrick]

Thanks to [email protected], not to be confused with [email protected], who is thankfully behind bars.

Feb 25 2009 How Romantic: Man Proposes At LEGOLAND

So some guy proposed to his girlfriend at LEGOLAND in Las Vegas, apparently because every other place in Vegas was too crowded. With hookers. Crowded with hookers. *booking flight*

Cobb proposed to Williams with the help of a "Lacey Will You Marry Me?" sign hand-crafted by one of the park's master model builders and displayed as a part of "The Strip" Lego site.

"I wanted to do something special," Cobb said, "and this idea just popped into my head one day."

Unfortunately, Williams walked right past the sign, which was mounted on a mini replica of Paris' Eiffel Tower and decorated with two four-inch bride and groom models of the couple - twice - before Cobb got down on one knee.

That's romantic as shit, Cobb, good looking. And you know what they say: a couple that LEGO's together, eventually winds up experimenting with them in the bedroom and having to make a late night visit to the ER. Medical bills, folks, I have them.

Fort Collins man proposes at Legoland [coloradoan]

Thanks to Aaron, who proposed to his girlfriend at Six Flags like a normal person.

Feb 25 2009 Sony Rolly Conducts AIBO Robotic Dog Army

I have no idea what I'm watching, but I'll tell you one thing: I don't like the look of it. This red sore on my palm either. And I don't even play video games! What are you trying to insinuate? That sock is a liar!

Youtube

Thanks to Bro_mole, who is ready to stomp those little bastards as soon as they try to transform and roll out.

Feb 25 2009 Excessive Gaming Can Cause Skin Sores

That's right folks, too much gaming can give you the stink-palm, according to a recent article in the British Journal of Dermatology. Of course, the disorder (Playstation palmar hidradenitis) may be based entirely on the single case of a 12-year old girl.

Doctors who examined her at the Geneva University Hospital concluded she had a condition known as 'idiopathic eccrine hidradenitis', a skin disorder that generally causes red, sore lumps on the palms of the hands and soles of the feet.

The doctors suspect that the problem was caused by tight and continuous grasping of the console's hand-grips, and repeated pushing of the buttons, alongside sweating caused by the tension of the game.

The unsightly lumps went away after 10 days of gaming abstinence. Now listen folks: if reddened palms are the only negative effect of your excessive gaming, be thankful. After all, you've still got your social life, right? Right?

Game consoles 'cause skin sores' [bbcnews]

Thanks to Shelley, Becky, JMR and Tank, who have no fear of developing Playstation palmar hidradenitis because they only play XBox.

Feb 25 2009 Yes Please!: Life-Size Dinosaur Bone Pillows

Sadly, they're not the sort of dinosaur bone pillows I was hoping for. But they'll have to do. Or, I'll have to do, rather.

Sayaka Yamamoto has designed replica of real dinosaur bones made from soft rubber-coated foam. Imagine yourself curling up on a T-Rex tail with a good book or sitting in front of your TV up on the horns of a Triceratops skull.

ZOMG -- sitting on the horns of a Triceratops!?!? Are they trying to make it all steamy in here? Because I can barely see past my glasses. Haha -- they're all filled with bourbon. Everything looks brown!

Life sized dinosaur bones is way cooler than pillows [newlaunches]

Thanks to eloy, who tricked me over to his house with the promise of a time machine but it turned out to just be a washing machine. I puked during the spin cycle.

Feb 25 2009 Even Parking Meters Are Out To Get Us

Thought you were safe from robotic parking meters? Think again. Apparently the clever little bastards are pretending to be broken, then, once you've limped away without feeding them, auto-correct themselves and POW, parking ticket.

How is this possible? One explanation, according to DDOT, is that 74 percent of D.C.'s 15,453 meters are designed to self-correct, but are also "at the end of their useful life." So a person who parks at a meter displaying a "fail" message may return an hour later to find a working meter flashing zero time and a ticket on the windshield -- a process that may repeat several times a day.

"It was a news flash to me that we had this huge number of meters that are self-repairing," Ward 1 Councilman Jim Graham, chairman of the public works committee, said Thursday.

First of all, I think it's time for a new Ward 1 Councilman. And secondly, I live here in DC and just write BROKEN in black Sharpie across the glass of all parking meters. Law breaker or handsome vigilante -- you decide. But if you decided law breaker you should reconsider. Because -- you see this? No, down here. Yeah, the knife in my hand -- It's got your spleen's name on it. Well, it will. What's your spleen's name? Okay, now what'd I do with the Sharpie?

Parking Meters Out to Destroy the Human Race [nbcwashington]

Thanks spudtheimpaler, you in DC? We should drink beer together.

Feb 24 2009 FREE: Navy Giving Away Stealth Ship & Dock

And I want them!

One is called Sea Shadow. It's big, black and looks like a cross between a Stealth fighter and a Batmobile. It was made to escape detection on the open sea. The other is known as the Hughes (as in Howard Hughes) Mining Barge. It looks like a floating field house, with an arching roof and a door that is 76 feet wide and 72 feet high. Sea Shadow berths inside the barge, which keeps it safely hidden from spy satellites.

The barge, by the way, is the only fully submersible dry dock ever built, making it very handy -- as it was 35 years ago -- for trying to raise a sunken nuclear-armed Soviet submarine.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? A floating safe-haven from the robots! So this is what we're gonna do: pack that vessel chock-full of grade-A seamen and head out on the open ocean. Why, you ask? Because the majority of robots are land-based (we'll still have to watch out for these guys though). Now who's with me? C'mon -- we'll bang mermaids! Heads up though: stay away from Poseidon's daughter. Dude caught me messing around with her in highschool and tried to suck me down the bathtub drain.

Hit the jump for two more of the giveaways.

Continue Reading " FREE: Navy Giving Away Stealth Ship & Dock "

Feb 24 2009 Giant Japanese Schoolgirl Over Train

Wow, Japan, you never cease to amaze me.

Image of the Day: Why, Japan, Why? [gizmodo]

Feb 24 2009 Not Impressed: The UK's Hottest Halo Fan

Apparently 25-year old Amanda Johnstone from South London was chosen by XBox as the UK's hottest Halo fan. I find it a little hard to believe, but who knows, I'd still Chief it.

At this point, we'd love to tell you (Miss World Style) about her charity work, measurements and star sign, but sadly we can only inform you that aside from walking round her house in a skimpy top and hot pants, Amanda runs her own events management company, hangs about the Halo Club night at The Cross, Kings Cross, London, sings karaoke and walks her pet Chihuahua 'Chiefy'. Come on, at least it's not quite as obvious as calling it Halo. Ok, maybe it is.

Eh, she's okay. I doubt she can actually play Halo though. I would have thought the UK's hottest Halo fan would have been more, you know, caught in a house fire. Did that just get you excited? It did me! It's called pyrophilia folks, and I've got it.

Continue Reading " Not Impressed: The UK's Hottest Halo Fan "

Feb 24 2009 Screw A Picture: VIDEO Of The New Mac Mini

For those of you naysayers that claimed last week's picture of the Mac Mini was Photoshopped, here's the video. So either somebody's good with Premiere as well, or it's the real deal. And speaking of the real deal: your boobs. They almost look too perfect. I'm gonna need to touch them to verify their authenticity. Haha, that's the first time I've ever touched one -- I have no idea! Wait, one more time.

Videos: A Spy Video of the New Mac Mini [uberreview]

Feb 24 2009 I See Your Brain: Fish Has See-Through Head

The barreleye (Macropinna microstoma for you ichthyologists) is a deepwater fish that has a see-through, fluid filled head in which it moves its eyeballs. And that, dear reader, is freaking awesome.

Barreleyes, just a few inches long, are thought to eat small fishes and jellyfish. The green pigments in their eyes may filter out sunlight coming directly from the sea surface, helping the barreleye spot the bioluminescent glow of jellies or other animals directly overhead. When it spots prey (such as a drifting jelly), a barreleye rotates its eyes forward and swims upward, in feeding mode.

What a freak! Reminds me of a girl I used to date that had a wandering eye. My God that turned me on. When she was looking at you it was like she was looking through you. Well, with her good eye anyways, the other was always wandering over your shoulder. Damn I miss that eye.

Strange Fish Has See-Through Head [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat, who has eyes in the back of his head that he can't use because he needs a haircut.

Feb 24 2009 LG Watch Phone Coming Soon, Costing A Lot

The LG touchscreen G910 watchphone is both watch and cellphone and is actually being made. The drop will start in Europe with a pricetag of £1,000 / €1,144 and then make its way to the states for somewhere between $1,000 and $1,500. So, you willing to pay a cool grand to be the first one with a watchphone? How much you willing to pay to be the first to kiss the Geekologie Writer? Do I hear $10? $5? The ice-cream truck? Wait for me, mister, I want a rocket-pop!

LG's G910 watchphone to cost £1,000? [engadget]

Feb 24 2009 The Whitest Kids You Know: Star Wars VII

This is a slightly NSFW (they say the f word a few times) Whitest Kids U'Know skit about making Star Wars VII with George Lucas. It was okay. I actually chuckled at one point around 2:35. But then I cried. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? Strong men also cry....strong men also cry. I just happen to cry battery acid mixed with snake venom. Makes a great stain-remover! So great, in fact, that the ShamWow douche will stop at nothing to get my secret formula. So you know what I did? I ShamWow whipped him in the face and it sucked his eyeballs out. True story.

Youtube

Thanks to The Superficial Writer, who, despite his claims of moving on, was caught sobbing under his desk clutching a photo of Hayden Panettiere yesterday.

Feb 24 2009 Okay, Sure: A Golden AT-AT iPod Dock

Not to be outdone by yesterday's AT-AT boombox, some cat went and made an AT-AT iPod dock. Which is basically an AT-AT toy with an electronic turntable glued to the side and spray painted gold. Neat. Might be just the thing I need to add a little geeky flair to my bedroom. Just saying, I made buttermilk pancakes for breakfast. With sprinkles, bitches. Who's gangster?

Hit the jump for two closeups.

Continue Reading " Okay, Sure: A Golden AT-AT iPod Dock "

Feb 23 2009 Boy Born With Cat Eyes, Can See In The Dark

Nong Youhui is a Chinese boy who was born with cat eyes that glow in the dark and enable him to see like a cat in the night (possibly as a result of nuclear waste). He can allegedly see as well in the dark as you can in the light. Except -- WICKA-POW! -- now you can't see shit because your eyes are swollen shut. I warned you, don't look at me funny! Okay, so I forgot to warn you, but still, you should know better.

Dad Ling said: "They told me he would grow out of it and that his eyes would stop glowing and turn black like most Chinese people but they never did."

Experts believe he was born with a rare condition called leukodermia which has left his eyes with less protective pigment and more sensitive to light.

Man, I want leukodermia. So what if I can't go out in the daylight, I don't anyways. But at least when I'll be able to see if the toilet seat's down at night. Am I right ladies? I pee sitting down too!

Cat-boy can see in the dark [thesun]

Thanks to Boing, who doesn't need cat-eyes to see you while you sleep because he's standing over you with night-vision goggles.

Feb 23 2009 I've Seen It All Now: Dinosaurs And Robots

That's right folks, someone officially rule 34'ed dinosaurs banging robots. And, sometimes, robots banging dinosaurs, which makes me sick. Just go to www.dinosaursf***ingrobots.com (possibly NSFW) for pictures and video. It was disturbing. But really only when the dinosaurs were on the receiving end -- everything else was cool.

Dinosaursf***ingrobots

Thanks to Bro_mole, The Mighty Musnud, MoD, pst and bigjerm, who are even sicker than I initially imagined.

Feb 23 2009 Yes!: Google Maps Spots Lost City Of Atlantis

That's right folks, you're looking at the lost city of Atlantis, buried under the ocean off the north-western coast of Africa (the country*).

This location is awfully close to one of the spots Plato, Legendary Smart Dude, had pinpointed as a possible resting place of Atlantis. In addition, the site is about the same size as Plato described.

Google claims that the lines are remnants of the sonar traces left by boats as they surveyed the area. Plus, Plato described Atlantis as being designed as a series of concentric circles, not a grid.

Now I hate to call Google a bunch of dirty liars, but that is clearly Atlantis. Haven't you ever heard that circles look square when viewed underwater? Yeah, it's called refraction. It's the same principal that makes a toot smell worse if you do it in the bathtub. Science, folks, you can't argue with that.

Atlantis Found on Google Earth, Official Explanation Is Dubious [gizmodo]

*Stop emailing me, I'm fully aware Africa is a continent.

Feb 23 2009 You Need Help: Bella's Womb From Twilight

I never read or saw Twlight because I'm a pseudo-adult man with almost 1/2 my dignity intact (I saw Mamma Mia in the theater). To my credit though, I have seen Blade several times. Anway, some Twi-hard -- wait, they're actually calling themselves that? Yes, they are. Wow, I need to sit down for a minute. Whoa, office chair -- bad idea. Floor it is.

Oh yes, one creative (and creepy) Twilight fan actually took the time to felt together Bella's womb, complete with -- wait for it -- an actual felted mutant fetus inside! Who in their right mind does stuff like this? Seriously, who wakes up one day and says, "Ya know, I think I want to spend the next week or so recreating what Bella's womb would look like with a mutant fetus inside, and then maybe share it with fans on the internet ... because they'll of course think I'm, like, completely normal and stuff."

Why do I get the feeling whoever made this also put up a Craigslist ad asking for a vampire to impregnate her? I swear, what the hell's the matter with people? That said, I am 100% vampire. Baby, I will do you like it's 1499 and not hesitate one bite to put a sun-fearing baby in that ass. Just sayin, I pick and eat my own scabs.

Fan Made: Bella's Womb from 'Twilight' (aka Creepiest 'Fan Made' Ever) [cinematical]

Thanks to Jules, who doesn't want a vampire baby, just a little werewolf.

Feb 23 2009 Wait, What?: 3M's Nuclear Grade Duct Tape

3M Performance Plus Duct Tape 8979 was designed for use in nuclear power plants. Because let's face it: even nuclear power plant employees like to half-ass repair jobs. I know I feel safe.

Yes, 3M's Performance Plus Duct Tape is designed for use in nuclear power plants. It improves upon regular duct tape by working at temperatures of up to 200 degrees. It also can be removed without leaving a residue, it's waterproof, and you can easily write on it. And it's even available to laypeople for a mere $14 per roll.

Wow, we really need to get some. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?! If you answered "nuclear duct-tape my roommate to his office chair and start beating the compressed gas canister with a broomstick" then you are!

3M's nuclear grade duct tape means business [dvice]

Feb 23 2009 Beats From The Dark Side: AT-AT Boombox

I have no more information on this thing except it looks like a functional boombox in the form factor of an AT-AT. Really makes me want to throw down a piece of cardboard and break. That's breakdance for those of you not in the know. Uh, wicka-pow! You see that move? That was fresh, was it not? So fresh. And these beats -- it's like they were harvested from the beat-bush this morning. Quick, somebody drop one for me!

My name is Geekologie and I am full of knowledge-y

I drop the learnin' like a hookers box the burnin'
Actually, I'm feeling a little burny myself right now
Hold that beat while I find my ointment.

I know, I am the freshest. Seriously, check my expiration date. Haha, that's right -- I don't have one! I scratched it out with a car key because I expired a week ago. I'm getting rancid. Quick, drink me anyways! You puked didn't you? Haha, told you I was rancid. Now one more sip. DO IT!

Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups of the awesomeness.

Continue Reading " Beats From The Dark Side: AT-AT Boombox "

Feb 23 2009 And The Scrabble Word Of The Day Is....

Dildo. Every day on Hasbro's Scrabble homepage it gives a word of the day and definition from the Official Scrabble Dictionary. Yesterday's was dildo. I took the screenshot myself too so I know there was no Photoshoppery involved. Just a disgruntled employee. Or, I dunno, a random word generator. Good looking, Scrabble, I guess kids gotta learn somehow. I happened to learn rummaging through my sister's nightstand looking for a G.I. Joe she stole. That was Saturday. I'm growing up quick!

Scrabble Homepage

Thanks to Wes, who is a wordsmith, but unfortunately, not a locksmith. I'm about to break a window.

Feb 23 2009 Yay, Get Your Own Spider Drawing T-Shirt

Like the saying goes, "a picture's worth a thousand words, but a picture of a spider should be worth at least $233.95". I couldn't agree more. And now you can own a t-shirt with the iconic drawing of a spider for only $14.50. Or, you can print this picture out, tape it to an undershirt, and effectively save yourself $14.50. Now I'm not saying that's what you should do, I'm just saying that's what I did -- and I'm a fashionista. Suck it, Karl Lagerfeld, you....you are creepy.

Product Page

Thanks to jigga, who wears a scorpion-drawing shirt, but it just doesn't have the same appeal. It does, however, have pit-stains.

Feb 22 2009 Selling Candy In Human Vending Machines

Kit-Kat, tired of me reaching my hand up through the door at the bottom and stealing their candy, has decided to call in the big guns: namely, human vending machines.

Don't expect these things to pop up on every street corner though; they are part of the 'Working Like a Machine' campaign that's being run by Kit Kat to show how people need a break from the monotony of day to day life.

The idea was stolen from Japan like everything else that is awesome in the world and makes me want to stick my hand up in a machine more than ever. Whatever, human vending machines need love too.

Kit Kat Unveils Human Vending Machines In London [gizmodo]

Thanks to Martyn, who once punched through the glass of a vending machine and stole a Snickers. Then I threatened to tell on him and ate the bar myself. It was the best one I've ever had.

Feb 22 2009 Roll One Up, America: Obama Sushi Rolls

These are apparently sushi rolls made to look like US president Barack Obama. I think I speak for all of us when I say: the president has never tasted so good. Haha, shut up Monica -- your opinion doesn't count! HIYO.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures including one of a massive Obama sushi display.

Continue Reading " Roll One Up, America: Obama Sushi Rolls "

Feb 22 2009 Zzzz: A Ring Pillow For When You're Tired

Let's be honest with ourselves: sleeping is awesome, especially in class or at work. But face down on the keyboard isn't exactly the most comfortable position (4th, behind 'in the handicapped stall'). Well enter Pilo-Pilo, a $25-$35 pillow ring made for falling asleep on and NOT punching people in the face with.

Pilo-Pilo is a finger ring with a mini cushion attached to it. People have the tendency of resting their cheek on their fist when they are thinking, daydreaming... falling asleep; a fashionable yet portable cushion might just provide the companionship that you've long sought in those tedious boring hours in school, at work... or when you got stood up in a date.

Oh man, I remember the FIRST! time I was stood up on a date. Her name was Maggie, and I killed her whole family afterward. What can I say, I'm a psychopathic killer hopeless romantic.

Product Site

Thanks to MLou, who drooled all over her pillow ring while asleep in class one day. RAWR! I love a woman that drools.

Feb 22 2009 Office Chair Explodes, Sending Shrapnel Into Boy's Rear, Killing Him

In today's sad story, a 14-year old boy in China allegedly bled to death after the compressed gas canister used to raise and lower his office chair exploded, launching a barrage of shrapnel into his b-hole. Now I hate to start wildly speculating who's at fault here, but it's obviously Microsoft. BCOD, folks.

Hit the jump for a picture of the underside of the chair.

Continue Reading " Office Chair Explodes, Sending Shrapnel Into Boy's Rear, Killing Him "

Feb 20 2009 5 Minute Video Made From 6,000 Paintings

This five minute video was made by Reza Dolatabadi as his graduate film in college. It took over two years to complete and is comprised of 6,000 individual paintings shown at a rate of 20 per second. Freaking amazing. Granted, not as amazing as writing 3,003 posts on Geekologie, but still, valiant effort, Reza.

6,000 Separate Paintings... [theatlantic]

Thanks to Mark, who was going to make a movie out of a million paintings but lost them all in a house fire. So sad.

Feb 20 2009 Woman's Weave Proves Tighter Than A Speeding Bullet, Saves Life From PEW

A woman's tightly woven hair weave allegedly saved her life from a gunshot fired by her ex-boyfriend.

The 20-year-old Kansas City woman told police Juan Kemp, her ex-boyfriend, opened fire on her while she was inside her car at a Kansas City convenience store Wednesday night.

Bonds' back window and tail light were shot out, but it is what police found in her weave that is amazing. Detectives pulled a spent bullet from the back of Bonds' head. It had become lodged in her weave.

(Hairdresser Kim) Walton said while the weft is the strongest part of the weave and would be the most difficult to penetrate, she finds it hard to believe a weave could stop a bullet.

Captain Brokenheart of the USS Fails At Life and his friend were later arrested. Now, physicists out there: is this even possible? I feel like it had to be a ricochet or something. There's just no way. But, if there is a way, this guy needs a weave!

Woman's hair weave stops bullet [woai]
and
News Video [yahoonews]

Thanks to Julian, who once caught a speeding bullet in his teeth but lost a filling.

Feb 20 2009 Toasty: Bra Dryer Heats Your Hooter Holsters

The BraDryer concept is a dryer for your lacy boulder holders. The ones you don't want going in the regular dryer. As you can see, it looks like a pair of knockers, which led to this burn on my hand. Obviously, it was worth it. *TSSSSSSS* I copped another one!

Bra Dryer is the Most Useful Device Shaped Like a Pair of Boobs Ever [gizmodo]

Thanks to Crystal, who gets to see real boobs all the time because shes has some. Unfortunately, so do I. :(

Feb 20 2009 WOOT!: This Is My 3,000th Geekologie Post

That's right folks, you are looking at a model of prolific writing. Well technically, a Zelda shield cake I just looked up on the internet. But that's not what's important, that's just what you're going to bake me tonight for forgetting this momentous occasion. 3,000 articles, wow. And you guys have contributed 70,425 comments to said articles -- good looking! I remember back when I wrote my 100th post I was pretty confident I was going to run out of things to say soon. Yet, another 2,900 later, here I am in the same soiled boxers. Thanks to all of you that read the site regularly and enjoy it. And even to those of you that read the site regularly but hate me and wish I'd go screw off and bang a dinosaur. Because I will totally do that. Thanks everyone!

Zelda Cake: Never Say Never [kotaku]

Feb 20 2009 Bear Sleeping Bag Not Nearly As Nice Or Comfy As My Bear Skin Rug, Ladies?

The Sleeping Bear Pack was designed by Eiko Eshizawa and makes you look like you're sleeping inside a bear just like Luke Skywalker inside a tauntaun. It's nice, but nowhere near as romantic as the polar bearskin rug in front of my fireplace. What do you say -- me, you, a bottle of bubbly and a bowl of ripe strawberries? Too romantic? Okay -- me, you, a sixer of High Life cans and some chocolate syrup? Still? Fine: me, a 40 of Old English and a bag of watermelon Sour Patch Kids.

Bear sleeping bag will keep you safe from bear attacks, I assume [dvice]

Feb 20 2009 Bowtie Camera: Spy Pic Of The New Mac Mini

Is this the rear of the new Mac Mini? Is it just part of an elaborate Photoshop hoax? What's a Mac Mini anyway? Are those real hardwood floors? Did I eat breakfast this morning? Is blogging with the heat exhaust from my laptop blowing on my junk giving me wang cancer?

Answer key: Probably. Probably. Little McDonald's burger. Wood is good, but plastic is fantastic. Sam Adams and Miller Lite. Does a Yeti have two snowballs?

Revealed, the Back End of the Next Mac Mini [uberrreview]

Also, Happy Birthday Cam, the beer's on me! No seriously, I missed my mouth.

Feb 20 2009 Talented Geekologie Reader Makes Mario 1-Up Mushroom From Tequila Bottle Cork

It never ceases to amaze me the talent you Geekologie Readers possess. In this particular case, reader Bexx B. made a 1-Up mushroom out of the cork from a bottle of tequila she chugged. *swoon*

So, because I am a drunkard. After finishing off my bottle of Trader joes Tequila - I looked @ the cork.. and thought WELL gotdamn! it looks like a mushroom.

So I made this from it. A 1-up Mushroom! HA!

Wow, creative AND an alcoholic. Really reminds me of somebody I know -- The Superficial Writer! Half burn?

Thanks Bexx, now eat it and tell us what happens.

Feb 20 2009 Coca-Cowla, Now With More Bovine Urine

Cow urine soda, folks, it quenches your thirst and is packed with vitamins like Yellow #5. Mmmm, delicious AND nutritious.

The Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), a Hindu nationalist conservative party, plans to sell 'Gau Jal', or 'Cow Water', as a rival to soft drink giants Pepsi and Coca Cola...the drink will not contain any additives and that inclusion of medicinal and ayurvedic herbs ensures it doesn't smell bad.

The cow is sacred to Hindus and the RSS has already promoted its urine as a cure for everything from liver disease to cancer.

Well sign me up for a case. And also, how do they collect all this cow urine. Is it anything like collecting semen from a bull? If so, count me in!

Hindu group makes cola from cow urine [msn]

Thanks to Ramy and Cosmic Rocket Man, who once drank Chupacabra urine and developed x-ray vision. Sweet!

Feb 19 2009 13-Year Old Fathers Son, Plays Video Games

In the heartcooling story of the week, 13-year old Alfie Patten (who looks six) fathered a baby with his 15-year old girlfriend. The little smurf was only 12 when he got the ogre pregnant.

The four-footer -- who looks no more than eight -- said: "I know I'm young, but I plan to be a good dad."

As he went on the PlayStation with 15-year-old girlfriend Chantelle Steadman, he added: "I think we'll be good parents. I'll have to work extra hard at school."

Chantelle looked up from 18-rated action game Saints Row II to admit her first night out of hospital since having 7lb 3oz daughter Maisie had been tough and had left her "in a daze".

Yes, you'll have to work extra hard at school. Middle school. Was that not the saddest thing you've heard all day? No? Okay, try this one: you know that hamster you had as a kid that you thought lived eight years? It didn't. Your parents chose a solid brown one for a reason.

"I Know I'm Young, But I Plan To Be A Good Dad" [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, Eric, JD, Alexander, Kenny and Juggernaut, who will probably never have children because most hookers make you wrap it up.

Feb 19 2009 Guy's Cabinet Door Sounds Like Chewbacca

This is a video of a guy opening and closing a cabinet door so the whole world can hear how it sounds like Chewbacca. Also, 'holy shit, this is amazing!' should never be used to describe a cabinet door. "Say, are you that guy that made the Chewbacca squeaking door video?" "I most certainly am!" "You sir, are a loser -- how much for the cabinet?"

Guys Cabinet Door Sounds Exactly like Chewbacca! [funnyordie]

Thanks to Erik, who has a screen door that sounds like Jar Jar getting shot in the face by an arrow.

Feb 19 2009 This Has Gotten Way Out Of Hand: Army Robots Will Require A 'Warrior Code'

How many times do I have to emphasize that I am not kidding about a robot apocalypse? Did the Terminator series teach us nothing besides Arnold Schwarzenegger should run for governor? Now, in a recent report by the US Navy, it has been suggested that robots participating in battle be programmed with a 'Warrior Code' to help prevent destruction of the entire human potato-sack race.

"There is a common misconception that robots will do only what we have programmed them to do," Patrick Lin, the chief compiler of the report, said. "Unfortunately, such a belief is sorely outdated, harking back to a time when . . . programs could be written and understood by a single person." The reality, Dr Lin said, was that modern programs included millions of lines of code and were written by teams of programmers, none of whom knew the entire program.

It's been suggested we use Isaac Asimov's Three Rules Of Robotics as a starting point for the 'Warrior Code'. Isaac's Rules were as follows:

1 A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm

2 A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law

3 A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law

Being the Geekologie Writer, I got a sneak peak at the Warrior Code in progress, and I've got to say, not good:

1 There is no warrior code

2 PEW PEW

3 PEW PEW

Military's killer robots must learn warrior code [timesonline]
and
Experts Warn of 'Terminator'-Style Military-Robot Rebellion [foxsnews]

Thanks to Bryan, Chris, timgrab, T6000 (what are you doing here!?), Matt, Sprite and Thumperchica, who are all smart enough to know this is life or death, but not smart enough to know I just stole their identities. Hello, credit cards!

Feb 19 2009 Aaaah, College: Russian Beerbong Roulette

I remember one time in college I got so drunk I thought the electrical cord to the mini-fridge was my belt. Long story short: the milk went bad. Anyways, beer roulette: not as fun as beer darts, but how can you compete with the excitement of potentially piercing a friends nads (you can't!).

You fill the barrel in the center with beer (it holds up to two liters) and then you take turns with your companions at pulling out the bottles underneath it. The right bottle will unleash a torrent of amber pain into the unfortunate puller's gullet.

Amber pain? More like amber pleasure. And do you automatically win if you pull all the bottles at once? Yes, you do. Glug glug, bitches, glug glug. Also, that guy in the picture fails at proper bonging technique. But I do like how the chick in the back is drinking wine straight from the bottle. Marry me?

Russian Roulette Beer Bong Only Good for Irresponsible Frat House Fun [uberreview]

Feb 19 2009 Okaaaaay: Japanese Humping Animal Banks

Want a provocative little show every time you add some coin to you piggy bank? How about two porkers doing it hoggy style? Or, if that's not your slice of bacon, you can get two elephants pachydermin' it. Each bank costs about $21 and is sure to stir up a chuckle. The first time. Then maybe a partial chuckle the second time, half of which was faked. By the third time you'll wish you saved your $21. There will be no fourth time.

Saving Money Turns These Banks On! [rinkya]

Thanks to Elaine, who doesn't have to save coins because she's dating Mario.

Feb 19 2009 Do It Yourself: Pac-Man Motorcycle Helmet

Let's face it, every motorcyclist wishes they could cruise down the street looking like Pac-Man is eating their face. Well loyal Geekologist MMach made the dream a reality when he painted his helmet to look like the icon character. But instead of munching dots, now he munches the dotted line. But not the double solid, that would be dangerous.

I'm not quite sure if this has use on your blog, but I find it quite funny, albeit a bit geeky. Months ago, I bought a new helmet, and I got this idea for my old helmet. I decided it would look great to paint it like pacman. And I have to say, I like the look of it. :)

I like it too. Smart decision, MMach. Reduce, repaint, recycle. I would totally make one except I don't have a motorcycle or motorcycle helmet. But I do wear a crash helmet when my dad pulls me around in the wagon. So I may paint that. One time we crashed and I rolled into a storm sewer. I made friends with a dead raccoon down there. I poked Stripey in the eye with a stick.

Hit the jump for some before and after action.

Continue Reading " Do It Yourself: Pac-Man Motorcycle Helmet "

Feb 19 2009 Ooh, Monster-y: 'Frankenstein Steampunk' PC

This is a steampunk computer affectionately known by its creater Dana Mattocks as 'Frankenstein Steampunk'. Personally, I would have named it Frankensteam or Steamenstein, but that's just me, and I'm awesome as hell. Except way cooler. HIYO!

The first thing you notice about this mod is its size--it's 8 feet tall, and weighs over 400 pounds. The project apparently took a year to complete, and it shows. Not opportunity for modification is pass up, with everything from the power button (a discreet brass valve) to the air intake (an old church floor vent) gets a neo-Victorian overhaul.

Good looking, Dana. Say, while you're on the classic literature kick, how about a Dracula model? It could look like a casket or something. Can you tell the creative juices are flowing this morning? They are, my shirt is soaked. Oh, false alarm -- I'm just dribbling milk. This cereal is being tricky.

Hit the jump for some worthwhile closeups of the craftsmanship.

Continue Reading " Ooh, Monster-y: 'Frankenstein Steampunk' PC "

Feb 19 2009 Guy Loses Finger To Neodymium Magnets

What you're looking at there is a dude's fingernail and the remains of a finger that got crushed between two Neodymium magnets. Brutal! Sweet!

Dirk had an accident. It took 1 1/2 hours of surgery to remove the shattered bones and repair the damage. Medically speaking, he crushed his right index finger distal phalange. The magnets had a 50 cm (20 inch) separation when they decided to fly together.

He is lucky that he only lost a finger tip as opposed to his whole hand. The block Neo below is about 4" by 2" by 2" N45 with a pull force of around 700 lbs (320 kg). The disk is about 3" dia. by 2 1/2" thick N45 with a pull force of about 400 lbs (180 kg). That is his fingernail and some of his finger tip caught between the magnets.

Holy hellfire. Hit the jump to see the graphic photos and a link to the whole story. Which amazingly didn't include heavy drinking and/or a bet. Seriously though, Neodymium magnets are not playtoys (unless you got the really small weak ones, in which case, whee!). Remember what they taught you in Boy Scouts: if you can't stand the heat, too many chefs spoil the broth. Life wisdom, folks, I'm full of it.

Hit the jump for graphic pictures of a bloody stump.

Continue Reading " Guy Loses Finger To Neodymium Magnets "

Feb 18 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Rechargeable Solar Batteries

You know what I hate? Rhubarb. Never liked it. Also, when batteries die. Or a beloved family pet. *sniff* Focus, GW, focus. BAAAAAATTERIES!

Designed by Knut Karlsen, the SunCats are basically a set of old NiMH rechargeable batteries wrapped in a flexible Photo Voltaic cell created by the Institute for Energy Technology. When the batteries are drained, you simply leave them sitting in a windowsill or anywhere with ample sunlight and they'll recharge themselves.

Unfortunately, the batteries are slow as hell to recharge. I'm talking like light-years here. Psyche -- light-years are a measure of distance, not time! But the batteries do take forever to charge. I wasn't lying about that. But I was lying when I said I love you. I just wanted to see what color underwear you were wearing.

SunCat Solar Batteries [ohgizmo]

Feb 18 2009 Smell Gamey? You Need Playstation Soap

So check it: you smell like ass. I'm serious, you're reeking up the interwebz. You need to get yourself some $5 Playstation controller soap from Etsy seller Digitalsoaps. Looking for something a little old schooler? No problem, they sell $8 NES controller bars as well, in such exotic flavors as pink sugar, juicy watermelon, apple jack and peel, coconut lime verbena, dragon's blood, and unicorn's semen. On a side note, when I get ripe my pits smell like really onion-y chili-cheese dogs. Your musk is different. But I like your natural pheromones. I think I'm attracted to you. Kiss me. Did you feel any chemistry? I felt some. It felt like your boob. I copped a feel!

Hit the jump to see the NES controller soap.

Continue Reading " Smell Gamey? You Need Playstation Soap "

Feb 18 2009 No Friends: Robot Plays Paper Rock Scissors

'Berti' is a humanoid robot that was designed and programmed to mimic hand gestures and play paper rock scissors. I want to smash his athletic cup of a face in with a rock. And then tear his fingers off. And then plant them in a cup of Wendy's chili and sue for free Frosties. Oh yeah, who wants a Frostie? Good, get me one too. AND A JR. BACON CHEESEBURGER! Awh sookie sookie. I don't have to make sense, I make dollars, son. Six an hour. I'm saving for a bike!

Britain Robot Playground [instablogs]

Thanks to Romeo, who once punched a Terminator in the face but it did that melty liquid metal thing and so it didn't really do any damage. Still, good effort.

Feb 18 2009 Universal Cell Phone Charger Here By 2012

The major cell phone manufacturers (Apple excluded) have agreed to adopt a universal microUSB charger for cell phones by 2012. And I think I speak for all of us when I say I say, "it's about freaking time!" And also, "can you hear me now?" *slamming balls in dictionary* Jla`#@82[wa;[email protected]!h.!! I deserved that.

As a result of the universal standard, smartphone makers may well end up incorporating both a micro USB adaptor, and a proprietary one for specialist data transfers to their devices. That'll require at least an extra lead or two in the box, losing some of the environmental benefit, and placing a constraint on product designs. Maybe that's why those cellphone makers who agreed to the standard have only promised "the majority" of cellphones will use the connector by 2012, and avoided a binding agreement.

Wow, that seems kind of ridiculous. I hate to break it to you, folks, but I can charge cellphones with my mind. Don't believe me? Take your cell phone out of your pocket and look at it. Does it have a charge? I did that. Now call me, I've got rollover minutes about to expire.

Cellphone Makers Agree on Universal Charger, But is it a Good Idea? [fastcompany]

Thanks to mike and Klye, who charge their phones the way God intended, like a bull.

Feb 18 2009 Zelda Tattoo Chick Please Contact Me

I don't have any more information except boner. And I like those Oreos. Call me.

Picture

Thanks to mikeydubz, who can't have her because she's mine. MINE.

Feb 18 2009 eBay Fear Factor: Pay Some Guy To Follow You Around Dressed Up As A Scary Clown

Here at Anticlown Media we hate clowns. With a passion. Unbridled passion. The kind you make love to a beautiful woman with. Or your hand. But, for those of you that weren't arguably fondled by Binky at your sister's birthday party, you can pay to have some creep dressed as a clown follow you around for three days and scare you.

Afraid of Clowns? Ever see a movie with a creepy clown and get scared to death? Believe it or not, there are people out there who like to be scared. This idea came to me when a friend mentioned they love scary movies and the thrill it gives them. This auction is for a 3 day thrill ride through your greatest fear! ~CLOWNS~!!!! I will dress up as a clown and scare you for 3 days STRAIGHT, everywhere you go, I will follow, dressed as a clown. When you least expect it - BOOM!!! There I'll be to creeper you out! This is something you will only want to experience once. LIVE your SCARIEST MOVIE SCENES! Included in this auction, is my travel expenses to wherever you live to give you 3 days of creepy, clowny excitement! BID NOW AND EXPERIENCE this once in a lifetime Thrill.... Are you Brave Enough? *This is meant for entertainment purposes only, no harm will come to you from this, just scariest thrill of a lifetime! Live a haunted house come to life for 3 entire days.

I'll tell you one thing: if a clown jumps out from behind a telephone pole while I'm walking to work he's gonna get his own size 30 shoved up his ass. Probably by someone tougher than me. Because I'll probably cry and run into traffic.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Jason, who's not afraid to admit he's afraid of clowns and really short people.

Feb 18 2009 Toadstool Brains: A Super Mario Zombie Shirt

Zombie Mario, who would have thought? Not me, but that's because I'm not creative. One time in grade school our teacher told us to draw a made-up animal and I drew a cat. I did not receive full credit. And that, dear reader, is how I developed a stuttering problem. But that's neither here nor there, just traumatizing. This Zombario t-shirt costs $16 and features everybody's favorite mushroom munchin' fool out on the prowl for brains. And as you can see, he found some. Toadstool's. Ha, he's probably tripping his ass off right now, just look at his eyes. So dreamy. *swoon*

zombie mario must have run out of extra lives [technabob]

Feb 17 2009 Trailer: The People Vs. George Lucas

This is the teaser trailer for a documentary called The People Vs. George Lucas which discusses such hot topics as Jar Jar sucking major outerspace nadage and Han PEWing first.

Slated for release in 2010, 'The People vs George Lucas' delves into the impassioned feelings and opinions expressed by fans and foes of legendary screen icon George Lucas, and the many debates surrounding his legacy. Don't forget that you can still send us your own films and interviews until September 30, 2009!

Oh you're gonna get a film alright. An adult one. Starring me. And a cardboard cut out of Jar Jar Binks. Playing baseball. I will be pitching.

Youtube

Thanks to Brian, the man behind puppet Palpatine, who makes an appearance in the movie.

Feb 17 2009 I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot

Want to look like a Terminator? Well I shoot to kill, just sayin'. Apparently this Terminator Salvation toy features a fist that shoots off to hurt your enemies. It costs $74. Which is pretty steep considering you're going to lose the fist, rendering your Terminator arm stupid. Hit the jump for two more toys, a voice-changing Terminator helmet ($74) that has red glowing eyes, and some pieces of plastic that look like metal that you strap to your face ($21). Note: Wearing either of which will get you BB'ed in the neck if you walk by my house at night. Jesus, whatever happened to kids playing with good old fashioned toys? Like matches.

Hit it for the other two.

Continue Reading " I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot "

Feb 17 2009 Escape From City 17: A Half Life Movie

This is part one in a series of shorts entitled Escape From City 17. They're all based on Half Life. You know, the game.

Originally envisioned as a project to test out numerous post production techniques, as well as a spec commercial, it ballooned into a multi-part series. Filmed guerilla style with no money, no time, no crew, no script, the first two episodes were made from beginning to end on a budget of $500.

Not freaking bad! And guys: if you're looking for someone to play the handsomely rugged hero in any future episodes, I'm your man. Seriously, I'm great at casting. Gentlemen -- to the couch!

Youtube

Thanks to Mr M, who tells James Bond what to do.

Feb 17 2009 I Can See Inside!: The Anatomy Of A Qee Doll

Okay, so I didn't know what a Qee was, but apparently they're little collectible dolls that come in all sorts of crazy funky-fresh designs. And this is what the insides would look like if there were actually living bear-mice and not plastic dolls for grownups. This anatomical chart was created by Jason Freeny, the same man responsible for the studies of balloon animal, gummi bear, and LEGO minifig. A limited edition of 1,000 prints are available if you're interested. Good looking, Jason. But not as good looking as yours truly. That mirror broke itself, I swear!

Moist Production

Feb 17 2009 Green Palm: LG Releasing Solar Cell Phone

LG is planning on dropping a solar-powered cell phone on the mobile communications market so you'll no longer need a wall charger to power your communication device. You just need a sunny park bench, a loaf of bread, and a flock of trained pigeons. BAM -- did my level of greenness just make your head explode? No? Okay, try this one on for size -- you tie a message to a kite, and fly it to whoever you want to communicate with. Then they follow the string back to you and you have a good 'ol face to face. You know, like they used to do in the olden days before Western Union invented horses. LG claims ten minutes in the sun will net you a three minute call. But not a butterfly! I'm not high, you're high!

Living Green: LG unveils solar-powered cell phone [dvice]

Feb 17 2009 Fail: Two Nuclear Subs Crash Into Each Other

In an unprecedented subbing fail, a British nuclear sub recently crashed into a French one. I've got the feeling somebody swerved out of their lane (read: the Frenchies, they're suckers for red wine).

Officials said the low-speed crash did not damage the vessels' nuclear reactors or missiles or cause radiation to leak. But anti-nuclear groups said it was still a frightening reminder of the risks posed by submarines prowling the oceans powered by radioactive material and bristling with nuclear weapons.

France said that Le Triomphant suffered damage to a sonar dome -- where navigation and detection equipment is stored -- and limped home to its base on L'Ile Longue on France's western tip. HMS Vanguard returned to a submarine base in Scotland with visible dents and scrapes, the BBC reported.

Just as I feared, they're making these stealth subs too stealthy. Next thing you know somebody's going to run into the Lock Ness Monster and kill poor Nessy. And, when it happens (and it will), we will finally know the truth: how delicious is monster BBQ?

British, French nuclear subs collide in Atlantic [yahoonews]

Thanks to Totex, who once caught a nuclear sub trying to sneak up the drain into his bathtub. And to Kyle, who once called Poseidon a bitch and lived to tell about it.

Feb 17 2009 Screw It, I'm Tired Of Living: Crane Pull Ups

This is a video of some joker doing pull ups hanging from a crane that is way up high in the sky. Like a bird, except metal and painted red. Okay, like Bubo, the owl in Clash of the Titans, except he was silver and gold and had beady little eyes. Whatever, I am the Analogy King! Anyway, every time the dude goes back down after a pull up I thought he was going to fall. But he didn't, and that made me very sad.

Youtube

Thanks to The Jerk, who once did two thousand crunches in a row and then puked.

Feb 17 2009 I Need A Rx!: Pill May Help Erase Memories

Finally, doctors are developing a pill that can help erase bad memories. Yes! Take two and forget to call me in the morning.

The method, using existing blood pressure pills, could be useful for weakening or erasing bad memories in people with post-traumatic stress disorder, the researchers say.

Some ethicists see problems, question whether such treatments begin to alter what it means to be human.

There's apparently a natural way to rid yourself of bad memories, too. A 2007 study involving brain scans found that test subjects had the ability to suppress specific memories at a particular moment in time through repeated practice.

First of all, is ethicist a paying position? I may want to apply. Secondly, there's an even more natural way of erasing memories -- it's called binge drinking. Unfortunately, it hasn't been working for me lately. So, let's get down to the brass tacks: how many pills do I need to erase nine years?

Pill May Be Able to Erase Bad Memories [aolnews]

Thanks to Dave, who's still trying to forget about the girl he woke up next to. Dave, that's your wife, man.

Feb 16 2009 Digging Is Fun!: Backyard Toy Time Capsule

If there's one thing my grandpappy taught me it's how to make gin in the bathtub. And, if there's another, it's how to bury your money in coffee cans. So he would probably scoff at paying $20 for the Backyard Safari Underground Time Capsule. And, to make matters worse, you're only supposed to bury the POS six inches under the ground so you can still fill it with more garbage via the fake rock screw-off lid. Hey kids, I've got news for you: if I see a fake rock in your yard, I'm digging that shit up and stealing your G.I. Joes and love letters from Susie Q Heartbreak. And, if it turns out to just be a house key hiding rock, I'm letting myself in and kicking your ass! Happy President's Day!

Underground Time Capsule perfect for hiding things in the dirt [dvice]

Feb 16 2009 Microsoft: Reward For Finding Worm's Origin

And in other Microsoft news, the company is offering up a bounty of $250,000 for any information that leads to the arrest of the authors of a recent computer worm that provides hackers an easy route to identity fraud and theft.

It's not the first time Microsoft has offered a reward for information leading to the capture of a cybercriminal. In November 2003, it slapped a $500,000 bounty on the authors of the Blaster and Sobig worms, and in May 2004, it paid $250,000 to a group of informants who enabled the prosecution of Sven Jaschan, the German teenage creator of the Sasser and Netsky viruses.

"The big question is whether the Conficker bounty is big enough," said Cluley. "$250,000 may have been enough to identify Sven Jaschan, a German teenager infecting computers for kicks. "But is it going to be enough to encourage someone to inform on an organised criminal gang, making large amounts of money out of malware?"

Okay, so what the hell's a worm? Is it anything like a trojan? Because I've got a whole shoebox full of those under my bed. Magnums, ladies, magnums.

Conficker virus: Microsoft offers reward for tracking down author of worm [telegraph]

Thanks to Cap'n Jack, who only fits in desert eagles.

Feb 16 2009 Vader Kills George Lucas In Brutal Tattoo

A Gizmodo reader by the name of Kevin sent them this picture of his pasty arm.

I got this tattoo about 8 months ago. I believe it perfectly sums up my feelings towards George [Lucas]. I love Star Wars, but I wish George would retire and leave the series in better hands. Just thought you should see it.

Oh snap -- you just got your head Force-choked off, George! Also, nice codpiece, Darth, I like your style.

Now hit the jump to see a real man's tattoo (mine).

Continue Reading " Vader Kills George Lucas In Brutal Tattoo "

Feb 16 2009 Luxury Ice Comes At A Cost (Hint: $8 A Ball)

I had no idea there was a market for luxury ice and I'm still hoping there isn't but California-based Glace Luxury Ice Company is hoping differently. The company is selling 2.5-inch "luxury" ice spheres for $8 a freaking ball.

The Glices are supposedly hand-carved in Canada (sure they are) and delivered in "elegant packaging" complete with dry ice, and are designed to compliment even the most expensive of drinks. And besides their claims that a sphere is "among the most efficient ways to cool your drink" the company does use purified water to ensure there are no contaminates in the ice spheres to alter the taste of premium drinks or liquors.

I swear, you people and your "premium drinks or liquors". You know what I drink? Radiator wine. Recipe: Set one bottle of apple juice on the radiator in front of your dorm window for one semester. Drink. Also, Skittle Brew. Recipe: Add your favorite flavor combination of Skittles to one bottle of vodka. Shake and let sit overnight. Drink with breakfast. Speaking of which....

Mmmm, grapealimey.

Hit the jump for more ridiculous pictures of expensive spherical ice.

Continue Reading " Luxury Ice Comes At A Cost (Hint: $8 A Ball) "

Feb 16 2009 Hooray?: Microsoft Opening Retail Stores

In a power move of questionable questionableness, Microsoft has decided to open actual brick-and-mortar retail stores. Yay? Nay? Yay-nay? Yay-no? Yay-yo?

When Microsoft demoed its retail experience privately last month, reactions were predictably mixed: some thought it made sense, others found themselves sizing it up with the Apple Store. Microsoft has a strong brand to sell, with Windows on desktops, laptops, cells and smartphones, and the Xbox 360 is no slouch, either. Putting it all together in one store, controlling its presentation, and having a physical space to demo products to the public -- such as the Surface or Sync -- seems like a smart move. Though it'll be interesting to see if the company wants to directly compete with stores such as Best Buy and Gamestop, who sell Microsoft products at retail.

I think I speak for all of us when I say I am honestly not excited about this one bit. Unless they give you a free Coke and popcorn when you enter, in which case, okay, but the Coke better come in a bottle.

Microsoft retail experience becomes a retail reality, stores to be announced soon [dvice]

Feb 14 2009 Real-Life Warhammer 40,000 Rhino Transport

So the creaters of Warhammer went and made a real-life Space Marine Rhino replica to folks excited about the upcoming video game. And, also, to crush the hell out of some little cars. Per my tipster, Sam:

Thought you might be interested in knowing about this, as it was modified from a old WWII British tank to promote the upcoming Warhammer 40000: Dawn of War 2 game that is about a week away from being released.

Nothing really amazing if it was just a normal tank (crushing cars is still cool, but still would be nothing new) but since it was heavily modified into a working replica (mostly) of the Warhammer 40000 Space Marine Rhino transport, it's been an ecstasy trip for 40kiers like me and anyone else seeing one their favorite tabletop franchise coming to life.

Freaking sweet -- I want one. And not just because some jerk broke my passenger side mirror off without leaving a note. No, it's because I want to crush the car that did it -- driver too! With a tank. A Warhammer tank. VROOM VROOM!! This ain't no table-top game, bitch, this is real life!

Youtube

Thanks to Sam, who Wars the Hammer like nobody's biz.

Feb 13 2009 See, This Is Why You're Fat

I'm serious, lay off the Turbaconucken. But it's just so good! *chewing* Hit the jump to see a bunch more delectable treats from thisiswhyyourefat.com that will stop your heart before you can say NOM NO

Continue Reading " See, This Is Why You're Fat "

Feb 13 2009 Geeky Cars: I Can't (Floppy) Drive 55!

While this little gallery of cars undoubtedly showcases some seriously geeky automobiles, I don't know if they're the geekiest. I'd like to think the Zelda-mobile and the AeroCivic would be in the running for top prize. That said, I would still never be caught dead in one of these -- unless my bookie finally finds me. In which case, can a person harvest their own organs? Are ears worth anything?

Hit the jump for the rest.

Continue Reading " Geeky Cars: I Can't (Floppy) Drive 55! "

Feb 13 2009 Don't Try This At Home: Shooting Friend With Black Powder Powered Nerf Projectile

Note: Video contains a little foul language. Sailors, please ignore this warning.

Basically these asshats stuff a suction-cup tipped Nerf projectile into a real gun, pack the thing full of black-powder, and shoot some guy in the gonads. It looks like it hurts. Skip to about 2:30 for the actual shooting to begin. But warning: you may want to cover your own junk with a coffee cup while you watch. Haha, just make sure it's empty first -- MEDIC!

Tip: don't fire a Nerf dart out of a real gun [dvice]

Thanks to Ryan, who once shot a friend in the ass with a blow-dart gun and would have gotten his ass kicked had he not coated the dart in poison frog.

Feb 13 2009 Where's The Gold?: The End Of A Rainbow

This is the end of a rainbow as captured by Jason Erdkamp on his iPhone while traveling down Highway 241 in Orange County, California. Are the leprechauns in the back of that SUV?

But Jason, from the Los Angeles suburb of Lake Forest, said: "There was no pot of gold, but I did win $25 that night on a lottery ticket."

What do you mean "no pot of gold?" How the hell is there no gold? Clearly, it's buried. I'm gonna rent a backhoe and uproot that road. I wanna know where the gold at. I want the gold. Give me the gold. I want the gold.

Photographer captures the end of the rainbow on his iPhone - amazing picture [mirror]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carnie, who drew the amateur sketch.

Feb 13 2009 I Swear, People Google The Weirdest Things

People really search for the darndest things. Using Google auto-complete, you can see just how screwed up people out there on the web really are. And yes, these are the same people responding to your singles ad. Typing the words in bold will result in the following:

• 883,000,000: Why do I have no friends.
• 7,570,000: Why do I have diarrhea.
• 4,170,000: Why do I have so much discharge.
• 7,120,000: Why do I have to pee so much.
• 230,000,000: Why do I have gas or so much gas.
• 456,000: Why do men have nipples.
• 6,000,000: Why men don't call.
• 8,380,000: Why men lie.
• 4,980,000: I want a new drug.
• 114,000,000: I want a wife.
• 783,000: I have one testicle.
• 21,900,000: I have one more drink.
• 12,400,000: I have three breasts.
• 320,000: I have three testicles.
• 1,580,000: I have three girlfriends.
• 42,300: Why Luke Skywalker is an idiot.
• 1,610,000: I would like to buy a hamburger.
• 286,000: I would like to extend you an invitation to the pants party.
• 818,000: I think im pregnant.
• 442,000: I hate Indiana Jones 4.

Neat. Now do some Googling of your own and post the funniest results in the comments. And also, a current picture. Are you really as pretty as I imagine?

Google Proves Humanity Is Sick and Sad, Yet Absolutely Hilarious [google]

Feb 13 2009 Batwoman Is Back And Lesbian-er Than Ever

After 30 years, Batwoman is back on the prowl. As a redhead! And a lesbian! YOW YOW!

Billed as a 'lesbian socialite by night and a crime-fighter by later in the night', she replaces Batman, who was himself killed off in a recent issue of Detective Comics, the publication which introduced him to the world back in 1937.

Batwoman - the alter ego of Kathy Kane - is clad in a figure-hugging black outfit and knee-high red stiletto boots. She is the comic's first openly gay superhero.

She was originally invented as a love interest for Batman and first appeared in her present present incarnation two years ago, sparking a slew of publicity about her sexuality. However, her outings to date have been sporadic and this is the first time she will be the lead character in the comic.

Well it's about time. After all, gays are superheroes too. Am I right? Damn yeah I am. Also, I demand a Batwoman movie be made. With kissing, looooots of kissing. Mwah XOXOX kissey mwah mwah XOXOXO kissey kissey. Oh yeah, that's the stuff romance novels are made of.

Holy Smoke! Batwoman makes her comic book comeback as red-headed lesbian [dailymail]

Thanks to Allison, who could whip Batwoman's ass in a catfight, claws down.

Feb 12 2009 Good Times: David After The Divorce

Remember David, the little kid who was high as a kite after going to the dentist? Well this is him 20 years later after going to get a divorce. The video was made by a couple members of the Upright Citizens Brigade theater. I thought it was humorous, but possibly only because I can relate. And now David, I'd like to share with you a passage from my memoir, The GW: Life and Times of an Illustrious Blogger, that may help you through this troubled period.

"...and in my hour of darkness I approached The Superficial Writer with my problems. Prophetically, he spoke, "Lap dances. As many as you can get before they catch on." Then, stuffing a stack of photocopied $20's in my jacket pocket, he sent me on my way.

Later that night, as I entered The Cat Box for the first time, I felt a lightness about me -- as if a giant weight bitch had been lifted from my shoulders..."

Like that? Well stay tuned for Chapter 6: Getting Tested. The GW: Life and Times of an Illustrious Blogger hits book shelves this fall.

If that video wasn't your cup of tea hit the jump for the David After The Dentist Remix as well as Chad Vader After The Dentist.

Continue Reading " Good Times: David After The Divorce "

Feb 12 2009 Woops: Two Satellites Crash Into Each Other

Two satellites in earth's orbit recently crashed into each other and caused a huge mess. "Cleanup in outerspace aisle 4!" Great, right when I was about to get off too.

In an unprecedented space collision, a commercial Iridium communications satellite and a defunct Russian satellite ran into each other Tuesday above northern Siberia, creating a cloud of wreckage, officials said today.

"As of about 12 hours ago, I think the head count was up (to around) 600 pieces," Carey told CBS News late today. "It's going to take about two days before we get a solid picture of what the debris fields look like. But you, I think, can imply that the majority of that should be probably along the same line as the original orbits."

Lovely, more space junk for me to run into in my rocket ship when I finally blast the hell out of here. And if you're having trouble understanding how two satellites could accidentally run into each other, just look at the image above, which is a rendering showing some of the 18,000 objects that are being tracked in earth's orbit. With that much stuff floating around, accidents are bound to happen. And speaking of which, Happy Birthday, son!

Two satellites collide in orbit [spaceflightnow]

Thanks to Dr Necropolis and E of R, who both agree this was planned by those devious Ruskies.

Feb 12 2009 Just In Time For Valentine's!: An Ox Is Born With A Heart On Its Head, Named "Heart"

Per the Gospel according to Geekologie:

And before the day of Valentine's, you will be blessed with an ox. And this ox will carry a sign. Of peace and love. And also, deliciousness. Jesus, quick -- water into barbecue sauce!

Hit the jump for another very special Valentine's heart animal.

Continue Reading " Just In Time For Valentine's!: An Ox Is Born With A Heart On Its Head, Named "Heart" "

Feb 12 2009 Music Video: I Never Thought I'd Be On A Boat

NOTE: Video is clean version but still has lots of bleeping out since every other word is a bad one. Watch at full volume.

This is the latest from The Lonely Island, the SNL crew that made a music album. The song, I'm On A Boat, is about being on a boat. Which *yawn* is nothing special if you're a pirate captain like me. Screw your boat, I'm on a ship, bitches.

I'm on a ship, I'm on a ship, I'm on a pirate ship

You best swab my deck or I'll fish-hook that lip
I got cannons -- I've got an anchor too
Come pillage with me on the ocean blue

I'm on a ship, I'm on a ship, I'm on a pirate ship
I gots a wooden leg, bitch, I walk with a limp
We gettin' treasure -- and that booty too
I pop my pistol "YAAAAR!" while I'm aiming at you

And that, my friends, is how it's done. Now where do I sign for the record deal?

Clean Version [youtube]
and
Uncensored Version

Thanks to Jon, who is more than welcome to come sail away with me, Styx style.

Feb 12 2009 The Universe Is Apparently A Big Metal Donut

And all along I thought was a little plastic danish. Shows you how much I know (read: everything). So yeah, ghost of Karl Sagan: I know you're reading this, feel free to chime in and back me up whenever you want.

At first, this polished object looks like an ordinary ring. But it's much more than that. This is a model of the universe, which, according to one increasingly popular theory, is not flat, circular, spherical or saddle-shaped, but more like a "3-torus," or doughnut shape. It's also a whole lot bigger then you may have imagined.

Look closer, and you'll notice a minuscule speck on this model. It looks like a tiny flaw at first, but upon closer inspection, you'll see it's a precise wine glass shape. That's us. The tiny area depicts the known universe, showing a timeline of its entire life, from the Big Bang starting at the glass's stem, expanding to where we live today.

I get it -- so what they're saying is that the known universe is a wine lover. So do you think it's a Merlot fan or more of a Chardonnay kind of universe? Mad Dog 20/20, huh? Awh yeah, I knew I was living here for good reason! Now stop hogging the bottle, Universe, Jesus you're a boozehound.

Mind-boggling model of the doughnut-shaped universe makes you feel really small [dvice]

Feb 12 2009 Donkey Kong T-Shirt Turns Man Into Ape

Ever wanted to pretend you were an ape? Well you don't need a novelty t-shirt. You just crouch down real low and drag your knuckles on the ground and grunt a whole bunch. That's what I do, and I, my friends, was a gorilla for Halloween one year. The defense rests. Anyway, for a spine-tingling $28 you can get this (probably unlicensed) Donkey Kong t-shirt. And speaking of Donkey Kong, the snow levels in Donkey Kong Country -- ugh! I threw my controller at the TV not once, not twice, but twenty-thrice. SCREW YOU, STUPID SPINNING LAUNCH BARRELS! And, while I'm at it, suck it Zelda II! Wait, was that....blasphemous? Oh my God, what have I done?

Product Site

Thanks to Russell, who needs no excuse to hurl barrels at unsuspecting plumbers.

Feb 12 2009 AaarUrrrhhh, NOM NOM: A Chewbacca Cake

Mădălina went and made her friend a Chewbacca cake for his birthday. As you can see, it looks like a stoned Harry from Harry and the Hendersons caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck. Nice.

Chewbacca Cake [duhlicious]

Thanks to Cap'n Jack, who, despite his name, isn't actually a captain -- he's an admiral.

Feb 11 2009 Different Geeky Takes On The Iconic Obama 'Hope' Poster

Remember the iconic 'Hope' posters used during Obama's presidential campaign? Ha, how could you forget, they're burnt into your retinas the way -- HEY LOOK AT THIS! -- my genitals now are. Well the website obamicon.me has been kicking it for a while, allowing any Tom, Dick, or Jane to make their own inspirational poster and message using a photo they upload. So go make one. Then post a link to it in the comments. But more importantly, hit the jump for a gallery of posters that are way cooler than the one you were going to make. Unless, of course, you were going to make one with a picture of me that says 'DOPE', in which case, yes, I am pretty fly.

Hit it for the galleria.

Continue Reading " Different Geeky Takes On The Iconic Obama 'Hope' Poster "

Feb 11 2009 Oldschool!: Mega Man For The Atari 2600

Is this what Mega Man would look like played on an Atari 2600? Yes, yes it is. And if you doubt it you can take the issue up with my fis--POW! He said you're wrong. What's that? Oh, and that your nose is bleeding.

Youtube

Thanks to Anthony, who claims he beat The Oregon Trail but I suspect he actually died of dysentery.

Feb 11 2009 Chinese Death Bus Kills You, Pilfers Organs

Wow. The bus seen here is one of forty in China used as a mobile execution chamber for criminals sentenced to death. And no, it doesn't run over you.

The buses provide a setup for lethal injections, and the acts are carried out on streaming video so local authorities can observe and ensure that everything is done legally.

Critics say that the buses help the government secretly harvest organs to sell to the west, as there's already a doctor on hand to administer the injection and they never show the bodies between execution and cremation.

The government is secretly harvesting criminal's organs for sale to the west? Wow, that is freaking wrong. China, get with the program, that shit ain't right.

China's Death Buses Deliver Executions, Organ Harvesting On the Go [gizmodo]

Psst. Over here. Looking for a liver.

Thanks to Hector, who doesn't ride the bus because he bought a car. Nice, Hector, wanna scoop me and go to the mall?

Feb 11 2009 Pfft, Stitches, How About A Little PEW PEW?

In an attempt to prove that not all PEWs are bad PEWs, doctors at Tel Aviv University have developed a laser that is capable of sealing wounds safer and more efficiently than traditional stitches.

The laser allows a wound to be welded shut as opposed to sutured, which makes it far more watertight and there's less tearing. It's done by very carefully controlling the temperature of the beam, and Israeli patients treated with the laser have already enjoyed faster healing times and less scarring.

Cool, but can it still blind you if you stare at it too long? And, if not, can you make me one that can? The bully that lives across the street threw a rock at me when we got off the bus yesterday, and I want to burn his eyes out. Also, his older sister is hot. I want to see her naked. PEW PEW?

Hit the jump for a video of the PEW in action.

Continue Reading " Pfft, Stitches, How About A Little PEW PEW? "

Feb 11 2009 Finally, Zelda II Has Been Translated To Latin

Somebody went and translated all of Zelda II into Latin for the three people out there that might actually play it that way. They also did the original Zelda and Final Fantasy VI. Whee. As many of you may know, Zelda II is a sore subject for me because it's the only game in the entire series I haven't beat. And believe me, I've tried. I fire that sucker up and play through it at least twice a year AND STILL CAN'T DEFEAT THE LAST PALACE. So, anybody want to come over and beat it for me while I watch? The game too. HIYO!

Hit the jump for some more screenshots of the translated games.

Continue Reading " Finally, Zelda II Has Been Translated To Latin "

Feb 11 2009 Teens Spend Average Of 7.25 Hours Per Month Looking At Adult Content Online

I thought it would be more. Waaaay more.

That equates to 87 hours a year spent surfing for porn. A further hour and 35 minutes is spent looking at dieting and weight loss websites.

The poll revealed teenagers spend at least three hours and 10 minutes a week researching topics for their homework, and another one hour and 40 minutes downloading or listening to music. A further two hours and two minutes is spent looking at clips on YouTube, whilst an hour and 22 minutes is spent scouring NHS direct or other health websites for information about illnesses, puberty and growing pains.

Chat rooms, forums, MSN, and social networking sites such as Facebook also play an important role in the average life of a teenager, who can spend up to nine hours a week chatting to friends and new acquaintances.

Nine hours a week on Facebook? Jesus, what a bunch of rank amateurs. Try nine hours a day. Haha, I just Superpoked you, now Superpoke me back.

Hit the link for a much more in-depth breakdown of how teens piss away their lives online.

Teens spend average of 87 hours a year looking at porn online [dailymail]

Thanks to Skynet, who has apparently become self-aware and is now sending tips. Yikes.

Feb 11 2009 'Invisible' Treehouse Hotel Is Hard To Find

Let's face it, we all want to live in treehouses. Unfortunately, I purchased all the remaining trees on earth, so it looks like you suckers are out of luck. Hey, there's always telephone poles. Also, I will be selling acorns for $1,000 a pop. Anyway, this is a treehouse hotel constructed of mirrored glass by Swedish architectural firm Tham & Videgard Hansson Arkitekter.

It is an old architectural trick used since the invention of mirrored glass: covering buildings with the reflective material and declaring that they blend in with the surroundings. Most architects use it to convince wary citizens that it is OK if their building is tall because it will reflect the sky and nature. The rendering always makes the building disappear, and the reality is always a big clunky mirrored box.

I like it. And not just because I was conceived in a treehouse. Because I wasn't -- I was conceived in the trunk of an Oldsmobile after a drug deal gone horribly wrong. Oh, I'm sorry -- was that too romantic to tell this close to Valentine's?

Hit the jump for schematics of what the inside looks like.

Continue Reading " 'Invisible' Treehouse Hotel Is Hard To Find "

Feb 11 2009 Craft Time: More Custom Painted XBox 360's

We last saw painter ricepuppet's work when he painted the wickedly good looking Domo-kun (that lovable brown man-eating turd) XBox 360. Well now he's back at it, this time with a Hello Kitty 360, and several others. Trying to get your girl into gaming? Try a custom painted XBox 360 from ricepuppet! Trying to get your girl into bed? Try something like "princess, I would rescue you even if it meant searching another castle"*. And, if that doesn't work, "FIRE!!"

Hit the jump for more Kitty, Sonic, Halo, and Chocobo 360's.

*Up to four. Four castles is my limit.

Continue Reading " Craft Time: More Custom Painted XBox 360's "

Feb 10 2009 ZOMG, I'm Bidding: Mr. Miyagi's Stuff On eBay

Pat Morita, best known for portraying Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid series, passed away in 2005. And somewhere, in heaven, he's still catching flies with chopsticks. And somewhere, here on earth (Las Vegas, Nevada), his widow is selling his personal effects on eBay. This happens to be a Viking pipe puffed on by Mr. Miyagi himself -- I'm bidding!

YOU ARE BIDDING ON A GREAT PIECE FROM THE ESTATE OF LATE ACTOR PAT MORITA. I AM THE WIDOW AND TRUSTEE OF HIS ESTATE. I HAVE BEEN OFFERING FILM MEMORABILIA. AFTER MANY REQUESTS TO LIST SOME OF HIS PERSONAL EFFECTS I HAVE BEEN DOING SO RECENTLY.

OFFERED HERE IS A GENUINE MEERSCHAUM SMOKING PIPE WITH THE ORIGNAL FELT LINED CASE. THE PIPE WAS USED VERY LITTLE BY MR. MORITA. I PURCHASED IT AS A GIFT TO HIM FOR HIS BIRTHDAY ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. HE ALWAYS USED TO SAY "THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE USED" BUT HE ENJOYED IT NEVER THE LESS.

Haha, "enjoyed it never the less" is right. She's talking about that reefer. You know, marijuana. And, in honor of Mr. Miyagi, I am buying this pipe, getting high, and waxing my car. Who's with me? Okay good, you bring the weed and elbow grease.

eBay Auction
and
Mr. Miyagi's other auctions

Thanks to Kyle, who allegedly owns Mr. Miyagi's headband. I'll fight you for it!

Feb 10 2009 New York Comic Con 2009 Cosplay Gallery

Well New York Comic Con took place this last weekend and, surprisingly, a bunch of people showed up dressed as their favorite characters. Apparently it's some new phenomenon called cosplay. I have no idea, but I like it. I posted a bunch of my favorites after the jump (pretty much all the ladies) and I've got to sadly admit: it seems like the quality of talent was lacking compared to other shows. Am I wrong? Who went? I demand answers! And also, any free swag you picked up. I wanna pretend I was there!

Hit it for the gallery of women and links to the even more massive Kotaku galleries.

Continue Reading " New York Comic Con 2009 Cosplay Gallery "

Feb 10 2009 I Want One!: Sony Releases Brand New POS

NOTE: VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP IS VERY NSFW DUE TO IT CONTAINING EVERY BAD WORD KNOWN TO MAN AND SOME KNOWN ONLY TO PIRATES.

This is a parody news report by The Onion about some new Sony product. It's really funny if you love hearing people cuss or hate new technology. It's less funny if you have virginal ears or are watching it at full volume at work with your boss standing behind you. And it's not funny at all if you're Sony's CEO. I thought it was okay, but I watched it on the john while eating ice cream. Play on playa, don't hate.

Continue Reading " I Want One!: Sony Releases Brand New POS "

Feb 10 2009 Boredom: Ever Wanted To Scroll A Mile?

Ever wanted to scroll a mile with your computer mouse? Me neither, which is why I just grabbed the sidebar and dragged it. A mile in less than a second! I must be Mercury, the text messenger of the gods. I want gold shoes. Anway, onemilescroll.com is a website where you can scroll for a whole mile and read about objects and their lengths along the way.

The One Mile Scroll transforms virtual space into an actual, physical distance. Take your computer for a scroll. Participate and add heights of things. Please only add the vertical heights. Be sure to check your measurements (with Google or other service). Once submitted entries can only be modified or deleted by site admin.

I give it less than an hour before "The GW's junk" is added right there beneath ant. And, to whoever does it: I'd like to thank you in advance for your generosity.

One Mile Scroll

Thanks to Momboelitist, who once scrolled 800 miles in a week and lived to tell about it. Unfortunately, he developed carpal tunnel and had to chew his arm off.

Feb 10 2009 Large Hadron Collider Still Not Colliding

Apparently now that the LHC has Google doing its bidding, it's taking it easy and won't become operational anytime soon. Unless September is considered soon, in which case, shit, I won't live to see the finale of LOST.

The Large Hadron Collider could be switched back on in September - a year after it shut down due to a malfunction and several months later than expected.

An investigation into the LHC's problems concluded the initial malfunction was caused by a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's magnets. Cern had also said new protection systems would be added as part of £14m repairs.

It blamed the shutdown on the failure of a single, badly soldered electrical connection in one of its super-cooled magnet sections.

I applaud you, nameless faulty solderer. I just hope you and the other saboteurs have something planned for September, lest we all get sucked into a worm hole and wind up in some alien's petting zoo. Which, I think we can all agree, would -- wait, you think they have dinosaurs?

Hadron Collider relaunch delayed [bbcnews]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne, who tastes delicious with Sriracha hot sauce.

Feb 10 2009 It's About Time: How To Convert Your Natural Joystick Into A Functional Atari Controller

NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT A GUY TREATING HIS JUNK LIKE AN ATARI JOYSTICK.

Wow, I've seen it all now. And, quite frankly, I'm surprised I didn't see it earlier.

(The Joydick is) a wearable haptic device for controlling video gameplay based on realtime male masturbation. Through the use of a carefully designed strap-on interface, the user's penis is converted into a joystick capable of moving the character onscreen in all four cardinal directions. For games requiring the fire button, a separate ring can be worn which converts hand-strokes into button presses.

Super, so it can move in all four cardinal directions -- but what about the hummingbird directions, huh? I've heard they can fly backwards. BOOM! That was your head exploding from my profoundness. Take the rest of the day off, GW's orders.

Joydick Atari game controller [boingboing]

Thanks to Amanda, Praveen and Stirling, who don't need this because they have the power to enter video games and have sex with the actual characters. Joust, baby, Joust.

Feb 10 2009 Sorry LHC, Google Beat You To It: Street View Van Rips Hole In Space Time Continuum

Ha, and all along we thought the Large Hadron Collider would be our doomsday machine. Little did we know it would actually come in the form of a free candy van outfitted to take pictures of the world's roads. That's right, as evident from these photos, a Google Street View van operating in Missouri has torn the very space time continuum we depend on to make our clocks work. So, what happens now? Your guess is as good as mine. Unless you guessed 'massive orgy', in which case, okay, yours was better.

Google Maps street view rips hole in space-time fabric [neowin]

Thanks to sean, who runs thetechpit and an illegal casino in his basement.

Feb 10 2009 'Immaculate' Prosthetic Aims To Make Fake Limbs More Attractive, They Totally Succeed

The currently conceptual 'Immaculate' prosthetic was designed by Hans Alexander Huseklepp and looks like a robot's arm. Am I running? No, but I am typing this standing up.

The concept "immaculate" from Hans Alexander Huseklepp explores the idea of turning a handicap into a high-performance, cybernetic fashion statement. The neurological prosthetic is clad in technology-packed corian plates with dome-joints that offer a larger degree of freedom than that motherly-issued arm of yours.

Hey, anything that makes a prosthetic more efficient and those wearing them feel better is alright in my book. I just wish they came with a wood veneer option. What can I say -- I'm a pirate at heart. A really classy one who wears a monocle over his eyepatch. YAAAR, anyone for tea?

Hit the jump for one more picture sans model.

Continue Reading " 'Immaculate' Prosthetic Aims To Make Fake Limbs More Attractive, They Totally Succeed "

Feb 9 2009 Make Calls In Private With The Isophone

The Isophone may like a giant waterbug banging your brain, but it's actually a device designed to provide uninterrupted peace and quiet while you're making phone calls.

The Isophone is essentially a telecommunications device providing a service that can be described simply as a meeting of the telephone and the floatation tank. The user wears a helmet that blocks out all peripheral sensory distraction whilst keeping the head above the surface of the water... a space is created for providing a pure, distraction free environment for making a telephone call.

I need one. Like yesterday. Ooh, and a pool. This bathtub just isn't cutting it anymore. *knocking* Damnit -- SHUT UP MOM I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE! What's that? Fish sticks for dinner? Hot damn, I'll be out in a sec!

Hit the jump for several more shots of this chick using the device.

Continue Reading " Make Calls In Private With The Isophone "

Feb 9 2009 What Happens When Bird Meets Jet Engine

This is a test demonstrating what happens when a foreign object enters a jet engine before buying it dinner first.

Wide Body, Blade-Out Jet Engine Test. Short video showing what happens when a foreign object such as a large bird is ingested in a jet engine. You don't want to be onboard!!!! The joke during training was that you could ingest a 5 lb. bird at 250 kts.......... or a 250 lb bird at 5 kts. They actually have a "chicken gun" they use to fire the chickens into the engines for these tests.

Oh man, just imagine if -- wait, did that just say chicken gun? I want a chicken gun.

UPDATE: So apparently this isn't the chicken gun test after all. Youtube user dknric is a liar! Just like your parents -- you were adopted.

Youtube

Thanks to Ain, who once sucked a mourning dove into his jetpack's engine and had to crash land in a tree, where he befriended a squirrel. Yay for happy endings!

Feb 9 2009 Ties: Because Your Neck Deserves A Flag

These $25 ties are made out of 100% synthetic materials, feature classic video game scenes, and can be purchased from a tribe of warrior women. Plus, they're absolutely perfect for the tech blogger who wants to pretend he's a businessman. I'll admit it: I love playing dress up. I have three older sisters so I spent much of my youth parading around the house in a dress with makeup caked all over me. Ahh, those were the days. Now I lay around the apartment in my boxers and have to wait for my girlfriend to go to work before I can even put one of her bras on. It's stifling -- and, damnit, she wore my favorite pumps to work today.

Stylish Classic Gaming Ties [ohgizmo]

Feb 9 2009 Cake!: Rocking Out With Your (Wedding) Band

Ed (not Norton) and Ursula (not from The Little Mermaid) recently got married and decided to tie the knot with a Rock Band themed wedding cake. As you can see, it's a not very 3D drum set. Wow -- I hope you stoned the baker, because I would have demanded that thing stand up. But seriously, congratulations couple, and Ed -- you can kiss your fantasy about a life of meaningless sex with groupies goodbye. As the tour bus leaves the arena, a guitar pick falls silently to the asphalt.

Rock Band Is Better with Cake and a Partner [gizmodo]

Feb 9 2009 Desecrate My Childhood: He-Man Re-Imagined

Growing up, I thought He-Man was the perfect guy. He was strong, smart, sexy, and hung around a ragtag group of dudes all day. Does it get any better?* So why artists Alex Leighton and Marko Djurdjevic felt it necessary to re-imagine the hunk is beyond me. Alex sells his very lighthearted, cartooon-y acrylic originals for $45 (examples after the jump), while Marko, well, Marko is obviously depressed. That's his He-Man there.

Man-At-Arms: He-Man -- Skeletor approaches, we must attack!
He-Man: He-who? I need a clean needle.

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the two completely different takes on He-Man and the Masters of My Universe.

*Not unless he mixes a good daiquiri.

Continue Reading " Desecrate My Childhood: He-Man Re-Imagined "

Feb 9 2009 'Sixth Sense' Device Created, Sadly Doesn't Capture The Ghost That Lives In My Closet

The brainiacs at MIT have gone and created a 'sixth sense' device, which is basically a smart phone/camera/projector combo small enough to be worn on your face like my fist. KA-POW! Also, it does stuff, and won't leave you bruised.

The device...can turn any surface into a touch-screen for computing, controlled by simple hand gestures. The gadget can even take photographs if a user frames a scene with his or her hands, or project a watch face with the proper time on a wrist if the user makes a circle there with a finger. The device can recognize items on store shelves, retrieving and projecting information about products or even providing quick signals to let users know which choices suit their tastes.

Other than letting some of you live out your fantasy of looking as cool as Tom Cruise in 'Minority Report' it can really let you connect as a sixth sense device with whatever is in front of you," said MIT researcher Patty Maes.

"It is very much a work in progress. Maybe in ten years we will be here with the ultimate sixth-sense brain implant."

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Brain implants -- that's where I draw the line. There may be nothing but cobwebs, The Golden Girls theme song, and a candy bar wrapper up there, but, damnit, this is my brain we're talking about here. That said, I'll saw my own skull open if it gives me x-ray vision.

MIT researchers make 'sixth sense' gadget [physorg]

Thanks to Ain and Icehawg, who created a 7th sense device but their research was muffled because it was too far ahead of its time.

Feb 9 2009 Invading The Real World!: Fake Parking Tickets Used To Spread Computer Viruses

Hackers operating around Grand Forks, North Dakota (not to be confused with Giant Spoons, South Dakota) have been issuing fake parking tickets in order to get their victims to download viruses from a website.

Drivers found the following message on the yellow ticket on their windscreen: "PARKING VIOLATION This vehicle is in violation of standard parking regulations".

The ticket then instructed drivers to visit a website, where drivers could "view pictures with information about your parking preferences".

Anti-virus firm McAfee says the Vundo Trojan then gets users to install a fake anti-virus scanner.

Listen folks, if you don't want to fall victim to this sort of scam, you need to do what I do: not be a senior citizen.

Parking ticket leads to a virus [bbcnews]

Thanks to Bungo, who doesn't pay parking tickets because they're just a sorry attempt by the man to keep him down.

Feb 9 2009 Awwww: Cat Youth Literally NOM NOMs

This is a video of a kitten literally NOM NOM NOMing its chow. Just listen, particularly around 0:10 and 0:55. Was that not cute? It was. Not as cute as the picture I drew of a panther licking a lion with the words 'Interracial Dating' in a heart, but what is?

This post dedicated to the memories of The Little Man, Jimmy, October, and Tiny.

Youtube

Thanks to Gabby, who likes to take her time and savor every NOM.

Feb 8 2009 Bond Would Be Ashamed: A Lighter Spycam

Ever wanted to covertly record six-hours of the inside of your pants pocket? Well now you can thanks to Ajoka's Real Lighter DVR Lighter Camera Hidden Digital Video Recorder Micro Camera. Jesus, hell of a product title there. The thing costs about $150 wholesale and "discreetly records 640 x 480 or QVGA in AVI format at 30 frames per second and supports microSD up to 8GB. It's got a lithium ion battery for 6 hours of filming and is charged via USB." Interesting, but I've tried smoking before and nope: the girls still run screaming from the locker room.

Cigarette lighter camera shows there's nothing more patriotic than espionage [engadget]

Thanks to Justin, who wasn't really that into Miss Moneypenny but double-oh sixty-nine'd her anyways just to spite Mr. Bond.

Feb 8 2009 Do It Yourself: How To Make Pixel Cookies

This is a chunk of cookie dough made by extruding individual "pixel logs" out of a Play-Doh machine and stacking them to form a design. Flickr user SeattleJonman has a little picture tutorial if you want to see the process, it's pretty basic. Now, if they just tasted like Girl Scout Cookies we'd be in business. The hell yeah business. Any guesses what this particular design is? Here, I'll give you a hint: tape your buttcheeks together.
Hit it to find out.

Continue Reading " Do It Yourself: How To Make Pixel Cookies "

Feb 7 2009 eBay: Vampire Killing Kit Perfect For Bedroom

We've featured a couple other vampire killing kits (not to mention zombie killing ones) here on Geekologie, but I particularly like this one because it's nice and discreet. Typically, it just looks like an old art print (lower right in photo), but slide the front off and TA-DOW -- a mirror, cross, garlic, holy water and stake.

So the next time your suspicious friend who only comes over after dark and stares at your neck is in your room, whip out the mirror from this, and if there is no reflection, you'll be glad the rest of what you need is at your fingertips! Yeah!

I've got news for you: if you whip out that mirror and your lady friend doesn't have a reflection, guess what -- you just had sex with a vampire! High-fives all around! Now stake her.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Mike, who's never killed a vampire but has slayed two dragons.

Feb 7 2009 What Should I Eat?: The Bacon Flowchart

If it's too small click HERE for the full-size version.

This has been floating around the intarwebz for a while now, so you may have already seen it. If you have, good for you -- where was the tip earlier, huh? Exactly, you're a jerk. Now buy me a beer. Wait, I want a liquor drink. A pink one.

Bacon Flowchart [ummyeah]

Thanks to Yopoleo, who chose bacon over Beggin' Strips 3 out of 4 times in a blind taste test.

Feb 7 2009 Doctoral Student Furious After University Throws Out His Collection Of Lizard Dung

Typically, you don't want bags of crap hanging around for too long. But not Daniel Bennett -- he loves that shit! Now he's furious that Leeds University custodians threw away part of his doctoral work -- a 77lb bag of Butaan Lizard dung it took him 7 years to collect.

"Whether it was the largest collection of lizard shit in the world is uncertain, but it certainly contained the only dietary sample from that little-known species Varanus olivaceus, and probably the most complete dietary record of any single population of animals in South East Asia. Its loss left me reeling and altered the course of my life forever."

First of all, Daniel, I don't think "shit" is the proper scientific nomenclature. And secondly, if losing a bag of crap can alter the course of your life forever, well, it's time you take a long, hard look at your life anyways. Just saying, tons of birdshit on my car.

University apologises for lizard dung clear-out [wigantoday]

Thanks to RyanThePerson, who is an actual human and not just shit stacked that high.

Feb 6 2009 Wordle Makes Word Clouds With Your Text

Go HERE to see the full-size version, or hit the link at the bottom.

Wordle make pretty little word cloud pictures with the text or URL you provide.

The clouds give greater prominence to words that appear more frequently in the source text. You can tweak your clouds with different fonts, layouts, and color schemes. The images you create with Wordle are yours to use however you like. You can print them out, or save them to the Wordle gallery to share with your friends.

Nothing super special, but Geekologie loyalist Tangelax was kind enough to make one out of a bunch of recent Geekologie articles. As you can see, it's depressing.

Wordle

Thanks to Tangelax, who once made a word cloud rain letters simply by doing a little dance. Amazing!

Feb 6 2009 True Love: Guy Wakes Up After One Night Stand, Woman Carved Her Name Into His Arm

Oh wow, I thought this sort of thing only happened in romance novels. Apparently Wayne Robinson, went over to Dominque Fisher's house for a little sex after a night of drinking and Valium, and woke up the next morning with her name carved into his arm and a bunch of other cuts. Valium: sleep through anything.

When I woke I was covered in blood. Dominique was snoring. I just had to get out of there. I didn't even wake her to ask what she'd done.'

'I'm scarred for life,' he told The Sun. 'I wish I'd never met her.'

He said: 'I went to her place for sex, not to be tattoed. I can't believe she did this to me and I hate her.

Haha, that's what you get, Wayne. Getting cut is the non-collegiate equivalent of waking up with a giant Sharpie penis on your cheek. That said, don't lie -- you'd hit it again.

Hit the jump for a picture of the couple (both very good looking) and another of the rest of the damage.

Continue Reading " True Love: Guy Wakes Up After One Night Stand, Woman Carved Her Name Into His Arm "

Feb 6 2009 Google Maps Spots God, God Loves Hugs

This is a Google Street View of what is undeniably God reaching out to give a cornfield and 2320 600th Avenue, Hartsburg, Illinois a big, loving hug. Beautiful, God. Now not to criticize or anything, but you want to join me at the gym tonight? I'm doing arms.

God Caught on Google Street View Giving the World a Hug [gizmodo]

Feb 6 2009 9-Year Old Writes Finger Painting iPhone App

Lim Ding Wen is a 9-year old Chinese boy. But not just any Chinese boy, Ding Wen wrote a finger painting iPhone app for his younger siblings.

Lim, who is now fluent in six programming languages, first started using a computer when he was two-years-old, discovered programming aged seven, and has since completed more than 20 programming projects.

His latest application, Doodle Kids, allows users to draw pictures using their fingers and then clear the screen by shaking the iPhone.

Pretty impressive, huh? Not to his father!

"Ding Wen is an above average boy with an interest in computers, especially Apple IIGS and Macs, likes to do programming, and that's it. Doodle Kids is an extremely simple program that can be done by anybody. Everybody can program - if Ding Wen can, so can you," he wrote.

Wow, dad, don't be too proud. "Who, Din Wen? Eh, he's nothing special. And just between you and me -- I think he's retarded. Mother's side of course."

Nine-year-old writes iPhone code [bbcnews]

Thanks to Lisa, who was programming VCRs at four.

Feb 6 2009 Geekologie Reader's Bacon Beerito Recipe

Loyal Geekologie Reader Sheniferous decided to share his Beer Burrito with me. And, since caring means sharing, I decided to pass along the coronary infarction to you. No need to thank me folks, just dig in.

We start off with the secret filling (Geekologie Writer's note: appears to be a rice and vegetable mixture -- Sheniferious, I'm thinking sausage and pepperoni next time), that's swimming in an All-Malt Porter. Then we bake porter-marinated bacon and not only chop it up in to bits for the beerito filling, but then lay two strips in the beerito. The beerito is then wrapped in porter-soaked tortillas, wrapped with two thicker porter-marinated strips of bacon. It's then dipped in beer batter and deep fried. Mmmm...mmm delicious!!!

My goodness, that sounds delectable. I've been living off Kid Cuisines and gin for the better part of a year now, and I've got to admit: marathon runs.

Hit the jump for a couple more and a link to the Flickr gallery.

Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader's Bacon Beerito Recipe "

Feb 6 2009 Moon, Here I Come!: Scientists Succeed In Teleporting Matter A Whole Three Feet

That's right folks, I estimate in a few short months we'll all be able to teleport ourselves to our favorite vacation spots. Or inside a bank vault -- or the women's locker room! The possibilities I'm imagining are staggering, and, for the most part, illegal. Awh yeah -- breaking the law with science!

No one is galaxy-hopping, or even beaming people around, but for the first time, information has been teleported between two separate atoms across a distance of a meter -- about a yard.

In the Jan. 23 issue of the journal Science, the scientists report that, by using their protocol, atom-to-atom teleported information can be recovered with perfect accuracy about 90 percent of the time -- and that figure can be improved.

Well I would hope that figure can be improved. If 1 out of 10 teleporters winds up with their penis for an arm, well, I want a penis arm! Seriously though, I think we can all agree: this is one small step for man, one ironically giant leap for me never having to move again. Tele-beer me!

Hit the link for a much more in-depth article that better explains the science behind teleportation (read: transfer of quantum information).

Scientist Teleport Matter More Than Three Feet [foxnews]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, Marc and Pete, who once teleported themselves to China to ride in a rickshaw.

Feb 6 2009 Joker Ski Masks Perfect For Armed Robbery

This is a $17 ski mask from Amazon that makes you look like the Joker from The Dark Knight. Wear one to scare the hell out of people. Or barbecue in the cold. Perfect for all occasions!*

*Banking Excluded

Hit the jump to see a different, more traditional version that's available.

Continue Reading " Joker Ski Masks Perfect For Armed Robbery "

Feb 6 2009 Whee, More Non-Newtonian Speaker Fun!

I swear, I never get tired of watching non-Newtonian fluid fun. In this case, another 2:1 cornstarch to water concoction (aka oobleck) on a speaker. I really liked it when some of the pieces started diving out of the pool. Screw this sausage pool party, I'm outta heeeeeeeeeere!!

Amazing cornstarch speaker monster: Not as easy at looks [dvice]

Feb 5 2009 Want A Mini-Robot Version Of Yourself?

If you answered yes, I want you to leave your name and address in the comments section, as I'd like to send you some anthrax literature. You will not be saved. But, for the sake of my Pulitzer, I'll report on these devilish little bastards anyway. Available from Little Island for a little over $2,000, the little creeps serve as a VoIP phone so you can talk "face to face" to you family or pets while you're away. But wait, there's a little more!

Unfortunately, the "robot" doesn't appear to actually have many true robot abilities, although it does have a built-in camera to let you check out its surroundings via a connected computer, and it's apparently able to do a few basic tasks like read your RSS feeds or check the weather. The bot is also essentially just a plush PC itself (complete with a 500MHz Geode processor), so there's certainly plenty of opportunity to expand its capabilities for those so inclined.

Oh my God, you're actually considering one aren't you? You are sicker than I expected. And let me tell you, I expected at least a 9 of out 10. And to think, your parents said you'd never be a 10 at anything. You showed them!

Little Island promises to craft you in creepy robot form [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who had a robot version of himself until it drank his last beer and had to be scrapped.

Feb 5 2009 Get Your Stalk On With Google Maps Latitude

Want to know exactly where your "friends" are at all times? Well now you can, thanks to a Google Maps Mobile (and desktop) feature called Latitude. All you have to do is ask to borrow your "friend's" phone briefly, accept the invitation you discreetly send from your own, and presto: access their GPS coordinates at all times (note: stalkee must have a GPS enabled phone)! Simple as that. Not that I actually did that or anything. Ha, no that's not me in the bushes outside. Pfft, you think there's only one person in the whole world with a "GEEKOLOGIE WRITER" t-shirt? Get real. But seriously, isn't it time for you to slip into something a little more comfortable?

Google Maps Mobile Offer Latitude Feature [ubergizmo]

Thanks to Herb, who I strangely keep running into.

Feb 5 2009 The Pocket Shark: Not Mightier Than A Sword, But Could Still Put An Attacker's Eye Out

The Pocket Shark is a $7 pen that doubles as a weapon thanks to its rugged construction.

For starters, it's made from the glass-reinforced plastic, Grivory, the same tough material we use in our NIGHTSHADE SERIES (of knives), and features walls that are 4 times thicker than similar markers. This means it's built for impact and, in a self-defense emergency it can become an efficient Yawara stick for driving off an attacker. Plus, the screw-top cap will stay in place and won't pop off like a regular marker's cap would when you strike a percussion blow, or when obtaining joint locks or submission holds.

ZOMG! One minute I'm thinking, "yes, that marker does looks sturdy", and next thing you know they're talking about "percussion blows" and "submission holds". Well, I guess as long as the cap doesn't come off while I'm braining some poor sap. Hey, Superficial Writer -- come check out this pen trick I just learned!

UPDATE: Jesus, who the hell brings nunchucks to work?

Pocket Shark Isn't Your Average Marker [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Mikey, who may or may not be a pocket pool shark.

Feb 5 2009 Baby Born With 12 Developed Fingers, Toes

Kamani Hubbard was recently born with 12 fully developed (and functional) fingers and toes. I'm jealous -- I was born with a nubbin next to my left pinky and they cut it off at birth. But the nipple on my back is still there. Nice one, doc.

"It's merely an interesting and beautiful variation rather than a worrisome thing," said Dr. Michael Treece and St. Luke's Hospital Pediatrician. "I would be tempted to leave those fingers in place. I realize children would tease each other over the slightest things, and having extra digits on each hand is more than slight. But imagine what sort of a pianist a 12-fingered person would be. Imagine what sort of a flamenco guitarist. If nothing else, think of their typing skills."

"I just want him to see what greatness will be in store for him," said the baby's proud father.

Greatness, huh -- like being an illustrious blogger? I AM TEH L337 P4WNR OF INTERWEBZ!

A couple more pictures of the mad digits after the jump.

Continue Reading " Baby Born With 12 Developed Fingers, Toes "

Feb 5 2009 Have You Ever Wondered How Much It Would Cost To Build Your Own Death Star? Hint: I Didn't Even Know That Was A Real Number

Let's face it, we all want our own Death Star. But how much would it actually cost to build one, today? Well, a lot. Try 15 septillion dollars. That's $15,602,022,489,829,821,422,840,226! Ladies and gentlemen, we may have to settle for the half-sized model.

(The Death Star has) a volume of 17.16 quadrillion cubic meters. At 1/10 volume, we'll need 1.71 Quadrillion cubic meters of steel, weighing in at 134 quadrillion tonnes. In 2008 steel products, from wire to ingots were selling for an average of $962 per tonne, so our cost of steel alone is $12.95 quintillion.

Now, how about getting that into space? According to the numbers I could find on the internet, it costs around $95 million to ship 1 tonne of materials into space, so that means we'll be cutting NASA a cheque for $12.79 septillion. (Remind me to order larger cheques from the bank please.)

Okay, so if we can cut out NASA we can basically save ourselves $13 septillion, dropping the total cost of a Death Star to a paltry $2 septillion. Now I think that's manageable folks -- so you start sending me your money, and I'll start building a strip club the rocketship.

Check out the first link for a much more in-depth look into all the costs associated with the project.

One Death Star for $15 Septillion? What a deal! [rickgold]
via
One Death Star for $15 Septillion?! [starwarsblog]

Thanks to Adam, who the Force is totally with.

Feb 5 2009 Idiot Tries To Strangle Girlfriend With Wiimote

In the latest of video game-themed attacks, a guy tried to strangle his girlfriend with the cord of a Wiimote. And I'll tell you -- he even LOOKS like the kind of guy that'd try to strangle someone with a video game controller. What a quarter-pound of fail.

An Austin man has been accused of trying to choke his girlfriend with the cord of a Wii video game controller after she became angry that he had eaten all of her Girl Scout cookies, according to an arrest affidavit.

The two struggled until they ended up in the living room, where Alvarez grabbed a Wii controller, according to the affidavit. Alvarado was able to free herself and call 911. Alvarez fled the home but was arrested soon after.

First of all, you don't ever try to strangle a woman, that's pathetic. And secondly, if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that you never, ever, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, come between a woman and her Girl Scout Cookies. You're lucky to be alive, Alvarez, now kill yourself.

Man accused of choking girlfriend with Wii controller [statesman]

Thanks to Jordan, who once tried to choke his roommate with a PS3 controller. The plan was doomed from the start.

Feb 5 2009 Verizon Customer Service Reps Fail At Math

This is a call to Verizon in which neither of the two customer service reps that get on the phone can distinguish the difference between $0.002 and 0.002¢. Thank God that wasn't me, because I would have shot a laserbeam out of my eyes and accidentally killed the cat. No, I don't have a cell phone, so I don't have to worry about incompetent customer service reps. But what I do have to worry about is rats gnawing through my land line. I saw one drag a whole loaf of bread behind the refrigerator!

Youtube
via
Failblog

Thanks to Joel, Chad and Ollie Williams, who once killed a 411 operator for giving them the wrong number to a nudey bar.

Feb 5 2009 Remains Of Giant, Prehistoric Snake Found

The fossilized remains of a monster snake that used to eat the hell out of giant crocodiles and other delicious beasts have been found in Colombia. Also, a mountain of coke. Literally, I climbed it.

The newly discovered type of snake, named Titanoboa in honour of its immense size, was for 10 million years the largest land predator on earth. It weighed 1.25 tonnes (~1.4 tons) and with a length of 45 feet or more it would have been able to take on and eat pretty much any other animal it came across.

He added: "Truly enormous snakes really spark people's imagination, but reality has exceeded the fantasies of Hollywood. The snake that tried to eat Jennifer Lopez in the movie Anaconda is not as big as the one we found."

Well thank God he referenced Anaconda, because otherwise I'd have no idea how big this snake really was. So this thing actually could eat Jennifer Lopez. Is she fat? I have no idea. Who do I look like, The Superficial Writer?

Giant Titanoboa snake ruled the earth after the dinosaurs [timesonline]

Thanks to Daniel, who astutely observed: OMFG. And another Daniel, who had this to add: Mommy.

Feb 4 2009 Bill Gates Releases Swarm Of Mosquitos On Smart People. Surprisingly, I Don't Get Bitten

So apparently Bill Gates released a swarm of mosquitoes on an auditorium filled with smart, rich people (myself excluded) during a TED (Technology, Entertainment, and Design) conference.

Ending malaria is a particular passion of Gates's, whose Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has spent millions fighting the disease. But he apparently didn't feel like TED attendees were taking the threat seriously. "Not only poor people should experience this," Gates said as he let the bugs loose on his audience, according to Facebook manager Dave Morin. (eBay founder Pierre Omidyar and Twitter CEO Ev Williams confirm the report.)

Nice Bill, the only difference between your mosquitoes and the poor folks' is that theirs are carrying malaria. So that's kind of different. You want to cure malaria you got to give the rich people malaria. *shooting poison dart* Okay, that may have been herpes.

Bill Gates Unleashes Mosquito Swarm [valleywag]

Thanks to Chrissy, who once released a swarm of kickass on some jerk for throwing a spider on her.

Feb 4 2009 Man Vows To Eat Only Bacon For A Month

Mike Nelson (of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fame) has vowed to only eat bacon for the month of February. Why? Because it's delicious. And healthy.

Now for the fine print: "Bacon" shall hereafter refer to the cured and smoked fatty cuts of pork, either back, side or belly. In other words "American bacon". No "Canadian bacon", which is really just lunchmeat. No pork chops. No turkey bacon. No "tofacon" or any such horror. Just bacon.

No condiments allowed. No syrups, or hot sauces, or pureed vegetables in the form of ketchup. No sauces at all. Just nature's finest bacon, all by its dignified self.

I am making allowances for the following beverages: beer, wine, martinis and water. No juices, no V8, nothing that could be construed as "healthy". This is somewhat arbitrary, I grant you, but one bit of madness at a time, is my reasoning.

So far things are going without a hitch on day four, but he'll be dead by mid-month. RIP in advance, Mike.

Bacon Stupidity [rifftrax]

Thanks to Kevin, who once vowed to only eat pastrami for a month. He made it to brunch.

Feb 4 2009 Scientists Invent Longer-Term Sleeping Pill

I don't get it, I put one in my nightcap before bed and I barely slept a wink. Then, just a few minutes ago, I blew a hole in the urinal during a routine bathroom break. WTF?!

sleep forever pill [szymon]

Thanks to Romeo, who one slept 24-hours straight. God, I want to do that.

Feb 4 2009 Pizza Pro 3000: Finally, A Manlier Pizza Cutter

The Pizza Pro 3000 by Fred is a pizza cutter designed to look like a circular saw. That way, you can feel like a real toughass instead of a guy who just baked a frozen pizza for his Friday night Friends marathon. That Chandler, what a nut.

Pizza Pro 3000 Circular Saw [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Michael, who cuts his pizza the way God intended: with Paul Bunyon's axe.

Continue Reading " Pizza Pro 3000: Finally, A Manlier Pizza Cutter "

Feb 4 2009 Clever: Video Games As Classic Book Covers

This is a bunch of video game covers in the style of classic books. They were very cleverly made. I posted some more of my favorites after the jump, along with the link to an even larger gallery. So go check them out. Then, check me out. Can you tell I'm flexing? Because I'm not, I'm naturally this muscular. Steroids, folks, they made my penis disappear.

Hit it for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " Clever: Video Games As Classic Book Covers "

Feb 4 2009 Lightning Hits Cow, Cow Lives To Moo About It

The cow featured here, who we will refer to as "Well Done", was struck by lightning and lived to chew grass and moo about it, which is apparently rare.

When lightning hits the ground, current flows through the earth in a wide area around the point of impact. This is how a lightning strike can kill a field full of cows - the long wheelbase of the average cow means that a nearby strike induces a significant potential difference across the ground spanned by the cow's front and back legs; current flows through cow, cow dies.

For those of you who aren't science-minded, let me break that down in layman's terms: basically lightning strikes a cow, and makes it delicious. I smell barbecue! Or a cow on fire, same difference.

The path lightning takes through a cow [tywkiwdbi]

Thanks to towhee monster, who attracts lightning like she does men -- with witchcraft.

Feb 4 2009 Klingon Robs 7-11 With Traditional Sword

Klingons: they can't be trusted. Proof positive: some mountain-head has been running around Colorado Springs robbing 7-11's with a BetleH, the traditional Klingon sword.

The first robbery was reported at 1:50 a.m., at 145 N Spruce St. The clerk told police a white male in his 20s, wearing a black jacket, blue jeans and wearing a black mask, entered the store with a sword.

A half hour later, police received a call from a 7-Eleven at 2407 N Union Blvd, where a male matching the previous description entered the store with a sword. He also demanded money from the store clerk. The clerk did not give him any money and the suspect left the store on foot.

Both clerks described the weapon as a Star Trek Klingon type sword, called a "BetleH."

Haha, and that highschool guidance counselor said you couldn't land a job based on extensive Star Trek knowledge. Screw you, Ms. Bench, who's laughing now?!

Man Robs Convenience Stores With Klingon Sword [thedenverchannel]

Thanks to Hector, who once robbed an Exxon station with one of their own pump handles.

Feb 4 2009 Mmmm: Sierra Nevada Is Making Bio-Fuel

There was a time in my life when I drank Sierra Nevada like it was my job. Sadly, I was fired. And now the company is making bio-fuel with beer leftovers.

Sierra Nevada, brewer of delicious beers, has purchased a MicroFueler, a contraption that produces ethanol from water, sugar and yeast. Yeast also happens to be a major byproduct of beer fermentation, allowing them to make fuel out of beer leftovers.

Sierra Nevada powers cars with beer leftovers [dvice]

Feb 3 2009 Cute Little Kid After Drugs At The Dentist

This is a video of David in the car after being gassed to have a tooth pulled. It almost made me want a child of my own until I realized you can't keep the little tykes gassed all the time. Or can you?

UPDATE: You can't. Come back to me little bro!

Youtube

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and Aaron, who have never gotten a cavity. Search. Yet.

Feb 3 2009 Wrong #: Cell Phone Explodes, Killing Man

We reported on a 'death by cell phone explosion' last year, but that one turned out to be some guy trying to cover up accidentally killing a coworker. Maybe this one's real. Or maybe somebody else pushed the wrong lever.

A man has died after his mobile phone exploded, severing a major artery in his neck, according to reports.

The man, thought to be a shop assistant in his twenties at a computer shop in Guangzhou, China, died after he put a new battery in his phone. It was believed that he may have just finished charging the battery and had put the phone in his breast pocket when it exploded.

According to the local Chinese daily Shin Min Daily News, the accident happened on January 30 at 7.30pm. An employee at the shop told Chinese media that she heard a loud bang and saw her colleague lying on the floor of the shop in a pool of blood. The employee said the victim had recently changed the battery in his mobile phone.

Jesus, I'm never charging my phone again. So if you want to talk to me, you better call quick, because yesterday was my last charge. Yep, I'm only yelling from here on out. YOU HEAR ME? HONEY, I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR DINNER!

Man killed by 'exploding mobile phone' [timesonline]

Thanks to Richie-con-carnie, who once cooked a delicious meal on the heat of a burning cellphone.

NOTE: Picture is not related to story. Except it's a picture of a cell phone that exploded. And caught fire.

Feb 3 2009 Japanese Police Use Wii Miis For Suspect ID

As a guy who actually witnessed a hit and run last night, I've got to admit: I should drive more carefully. Now there's probably a picture of my Wii Mii out there posted next to the carcass. Wonderful.

No, really, that is a wanted poster and that is a Mii on it, and that made me laugh so hard I sprained my epiglottis. The Kanagawa kops (Japan) are searching for the Mii, or a someone who looks like it, anyway. The blogs that have posted about this are inconclusive as to whether that is the actual Mii of the actual suspect (to say nothing of how they might have gotten it) or if the cops used the Mii creator to build their composite.

I've seen her! She beat me on Rainbow Road not even a week ago! I threw my controller. It hit the dog. The dog died. Thankfully, my neighbor resuscitated it. Then demanded "a little something for his time". You know what he got? Wii'ed in the nads.

Mii Sought in Hit and Run [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, whose Wii Mii doesn't associate with lawbreaking lowlifes.

Feb 3 2009 The Last 867-5309 Number For Sale On eBay

'867-5309/Jenny' is a song by Tommy Tutone that will now be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Great. And allegedly the last 867-5309 telephone number in the US is up for auction -- with current bidding at almost $500,000! Wow!

Phone: (201) 867-5309

This is one of the LAST remaining 867-5309 numbers in service. Receives between 8,000-10,000 Calls Per Year!!

***Many callers have informed me that I'm one of the only remaining 867-5309 numbers in service after attempting every area code in the US.***

Number is registered with Vonage (internet) phone company and is easily transferred with a simple modem that I will mail to you. All of the account transfer details are done easily online.

Works Anywhere in the US !!

You know what other number works anywhere in the US? Mine. Call me. Or, if you have a raspy man-voice, text.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Jason, who can be reached day or night at (555) 972-6465.

Feb 3 2009 Blinkity Blink Blink: Tokyoflash's Heko

Well folks, Valentine's Day is rapidly approaching, and we all know what that means: sitting home alone, sobbing into the bra you stole from your last girlfriend. Alternatively, going out to the bar with the intention of scoring a lonely lady but getting far too drunk and making out with the touchscreen game. God, has it really been a year? Anyway, Tokyoflash's latest: the Heko. Get one for your girlfriend. Then take it back from her when she doesn't wear it. Ah, love.

Hours are presented on the upper screen. The hours three, six, nine and twelve in the same positions as on a clock face. Hours one and two are in between, a combination of lit LEDs show the hour.

Minutes are presented on the center and lower screens. The lower screen shows zero, fifteen, thirty and forty-five minutes in the same position as on a clock face, the LEDs in between show five minutes each. The central screen presents four single minutes, a combination of lit LEDs show the minutes.

Hekos are available now for $109 and come in blue, white, or multi-colored LEDs. Personally, I like the multi, because I'm funky fresh. Okay, funky ripe. I should shower but I want to build up my natural pheromones to attract the ladies. Ladies? RAWR! Haha, pet panther -- sorry about your face.

Hit the jump for several more shots and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " Blinkity Blink Blink: Tokyoflash's Heko "

Feb 3 2009 Playmobil Toy Founder Dies At 79

Hans Beck, the founder of the German toy manufacturer Playmobil, has passed away. He was 79.

"No horror, no superficial violence, not short-lived trends," was Beck's motto, and some 2.2 billion dolls later, the range is the foundation of the company's prosperity and is exported to 70 nations.

The company grew to a payroll of nearly 3,000 and had sales last year of 452 million euros ($588 million).

I definitely played with Playmobil when I was a kid, and may or may not still stage Playmobil vs LEGO battles. So what if I do? Awesome, that's what.

R.I.P. Hans

Hit the jump for a pretty sweet airport-security Playmobil set I've got my eye on.

Continue Reading " Playmobil Toy Founder Dies At 79 "

Feb 3 2009 It's Elemental: A Periodic Table Duvet

This is a duvet cover that a loving woman made for her chemistry major boyfriend. I think this is the first time I've ever typed duvet. Secretly, I liked it.

You may or may not have seen a post I did back in the fall when I was in the planning stages of making a quilt for my boyfriend for Christmas, featuring the "periodic table of the elements", because he is a Chemistry major, and I thought he'd find it totally epic.

Unfortunately, It became a duvet cover instead of a quilt because of a) time constraints and the fact that I still had gifts for 7 or 8 other people that I was making and b) buying the batting for the inside would have put me $50 over budget instead of just $10 over. (shh, don't tell him.)

Haha, he totally just got told. And also, I want one. I'm gonna don an eyepatch and get my argon under that sucker. Know what I'm saying? You bring the parrot.

Hit the jump for several more of the construction.

Continue Reading " It's Elemental: A Periodic Table Duvet "

Feb 3 2009 Dinosaurs Running Loose In Indiana

That's right folks, apparently a truckload of raptors got loose in Hamilton County, Indiana, and drivers are being unsurprisingly stupid.

"It's kind of crazy. I'm totally confused," said one motorist. "I'm kind of expecting ... dinosaurs to run down the road, or something."

Only in my dreams, stupid motorist, only in my dreams.

'Raptors Ahead' Sign Gets Stares, Chuckles [theindychannel]

Thanks to Jeff, who got my hopes up and then crushed them like Piggy under a boulder.

Feb 2 2009 'G.I Joe' Super Bowl Spot

The problem with ninjas is you always want more ninja action. As soon as they gave me a little ninja, I just ended up wanting more ninja, even though it's only a 30-second commercial that already has quite a bit of ninja content. My thinking is, if a film has ninjas, why bother with anything non-ninja? That's why I'm always better off watching Lethal Ninja. But anyway:

Continue Reading "'G.I Joe' Super Bowl Spot"

Feb 2 2009 Some Cable Viewers In Arizona Got A Special Adult Film Surprise During The Superbowl

This is a picture of Jesus at the Superbowl. Hey, the man loves facepaint and funny hats. Since he was at the game, he didn't see the porno somebody inserted into the Comcast broadcast of the game in Tucson, Arizona.

With under three minutes left and just after Larry Fitzgerald's heroic comeback(ish) touchdown for the Cardinals, the video feed abruptly switched to a scene from stablemate channel Club Jenna, treating viewers to the sight of seemingly omnipresent porn guy Evan Stone swinging his junk around like a maniac. This interlude lasted about 30 seconds.

Comcast told the Arizona Daily Star that engineers have been "working throughout the night" to figure out what happened, but haven't yet come up with an explanation.

Yeah, wow, I wonder how that happened, Comcast. Definitely gonna have to put your thinking cap on tight to solve this one. Also, I did not post the NSFW video here, but you can see it if you follow the link. I watched it, and, yeah, you can bet your golden ticket I'll be looking for it the next time I enter the curtained mecca at Video Palace.

Prank of the Year: Comcast Tucson Airs Graphic Porn During Super Bowl (NSFW) [gizmodo]

Thanks to Lauren, Louis, Emi and Kokopure, who won't recognize me because I only visit the video store in costume.

Feb 2 2009 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' Super Bowl Spot

I assume most of you watched the Super Bowl last night--there's obviously a huge cross-over between sports fans and fans of complaining incessantly about the quality of a Dragonball adaptation--but in case you didn't, I'll spend some of the day putting up the movie spots that ran during the game. Here's the ad for Transformers 2, which has definitely raised the bar in terms of robot size and number of Transformers that turn into cycloptic robot dogs:

Continue Reading "'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' Super Bowl Spot"

Feb 2 2009 What, Why?: A See-Through Glass Pool Table

I don't get it -- I don't need to see my feet while I'm shooting pool. But if you have a foot fetish and some serious coin ($25,150), you can pick up a G1 Glass Top Pool Table. It's freaking glass covered in some patented (and likely cancerous) material called Vitrik that allegedly plays like felt. I don't believe a word of it, but there's a video after the jump so you can draw your own conclusions. And, while you're at it, how about a unicorn for yours truly?

Hit the jump for several more pictures and the video.

Continue Reading " What, Why?: A See-Through Glass Pool Table "

Feb 2 2009 Geekologie Reader Makes Zombie Cake

Geekologie reader Kristen went and made her boyfriend a zombie cake. That was nice of you, Kristen.

The hand was crafted out of newspaper, paper mache and tape. The cake is all chocolate with Oreo crumbles to resemble dirt. My boyfriend's name is Jonathan and he's studying Animation. He keeps the hand at the studio on his desk.

I call the ring finger! Mmmm, papery. Fiber, bitches, what?

Hit the jump for several more pictures, including one of the zombie trying to put the move on Jonathan.

Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader Makes Zombie Cake "

Feb 2 2009 I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghostbuster T-Shirt

This is a $26 t-shirt from 80'stees that makes you look like Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbuster. Plus, the slime glows so even in a dark bar people will know you just got slimed. Or had sex with an alien. In which case, high five.

Product Page
via
Ghostbusters Uniform T-Shirt [uniquedaily]

Thanks to Victoria, who has the sweetest pair of ghosts you've never seen.

Feb 2 2009 Jurassic Park Here I Come!: Scientists Clone Extinct Species, Dinosaurs Hopefully Next

That happy little camper is a Pyrenean ibex. He's from Narnia. And sadly, he's dead. Along with all the other Pyrenean ibexes. But scientists just cloned one from frozen cells but then it died too. So there aren't any more. Which is a real shame, they look delicious.

Using DNA taken from these skin samples, the scientists were able to replace the genetic material in eggs from domestic goats, to clone a female Pyrenean ibex, or bucardo as they are known. It is the first time an extinct animal has been cloned.

Sadly, the newborn ibex kid died shortly after birth due to physical defects in its lungs. Other cloned animals, including sheep, have been born with similar lung defects.

t has also increased the possibility that it will one day be possible to reproduce long-dead species such as woolly mammoths and even dinosaurs.

Did you read that last bit? I didn't make that up, somebody actually wrote that. Dinosaurs, baby, get excited. Speaking of which, The Geekologie Writer's Heavy-Petting Zoo is currently seeking financial investors. Facebook message me if you're rich. Or want to exchange naked pictures.

Extinct ibex is resurrected by cloning [telegraph]

Thanks to Adam and Mark, who will each receive a free Woolly Mammoth ride.

Feb 2 2009 Good Times: G4's Olivia Munn Jumping Into Chocolate Pie With French Maid Outfit On

Have you always wanted to see Olivia Munn jump into a chocolate pie while dressed like a French maid? Me neither, that's why this video did nothing for me. Especially not at 2:30 and 5:00-5:30.

'AOTS' Hosts, Olivia Munn And Kevin Pereira Dive Into Gigantic Pie! [g4tv]

Thanks to jigga and Barry, who broke into the studio and ate some.

Feb 2 2009 Hey, That's Not A Cube!: Rubik's Balls

Remember the guy that took 26 years to solve a Rubik's cube? Yeah, what a loser. Whenever I'm feeling down I pop in Cheers To You! and think of him. Then I get even more depressed and start binge drinking. Anyway, Professor Erno Rubik is dropping another toy bomb on the world -- the Rubik 360. It looks like it could be fun if it was a little bigger and I was hamster.

Basically, players must get a number of colored balls from a clear inner sphere into their matching slots on the outer sphere. You'll do this by shaking the balls through a middle sphere that has only two holes.

Said Professor Rubik himself on the new puzzle that bears his name: "I feel that the 360 is one of the most innovative and exciting puzzles we've developed since the Cube - adopting elements of my original design, challenging the solver to use skill, dexterity and logic."

I don't get it. Of course, I don't get a lot of things anymore. Like your affection. I thought we had something special :,(

Rubik 360 Will Probably Take That One Guy Another 26 Years to Solve [gizmodo]

Feb 2 2009 Fat Face: Face Slimmer Allegedy Slims Faces

First of all, I predicted the Steelers would win the Super Bowl in a post a couple weeks ago. So I am officially magic. And also, I have a fat face. So thank God for this Japanese face slimmer. It's basically a rubber mask you wear to pretend you're a homicidal cannibal and scare your family. It's similar to binding your feet, except it won't work. If you really want a slim face just man up and use a vice. It works -- I'm so handsome now the dog will play with me.

Japanese face slimmer will definitely not work as advertised [dvice]