Jan 31 2009 This Is What A Billion Dollars Looks Like
Get a good look folks, because you're sure as hell never gonna see it in real life.
One Billion Dollar is stacked on 12 standard pallets, altogether 10 million 100 USD notes. One Billion Dollar is not so much about what you see but what you could do or not do with the money. Besides, this is the most expensive piece of art ever made.
Haha, that's not art, that's somebody robbed a bank. And speaking of which....
UPDATE: Damnit, wrong bank. Oh well -- anybody looking to get pregnant?
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and another piece of art by the same artist (Michael Marcovici) that depicts an average life in bags of Rolex sand.
Continue Reading " This Is What A Billion Dollars Looks Like "
Jan 31 2009 Cheers To You!: Sadly Not A Drinking Game
Many of you have probably already seen this since it was featured on the Ellen Degeneres Show, but for those of you who haven't -- Cheers To You!
Hit the jump for the much better metal-remix.
Continue Reading " Cheers To You!: Sadly Not A Drinking Game "
Jan 31 2009 Google Streets: Oh My God, He's Got A Gun!
The Google Street View team is at it once again, this time capturing a gun toting nutjob in Rapid City, South Dakota. And by gun toting nutjob I obviously mean freedom fighter. Dad?
Google Maps
via
Google Street View Completes Tour of Real America With Dude Carrying Rifle [gizmodo]
Jan 31 2009 Good Enough To Eat: A Hamburger Dress
Oh goodness, now that's a 1/4 pounder I could really sink my teeth into. Seriously -- I'm a vampire. I vant to suck your bun.
Hit the jump for side and rear views -- yow yow!
Jan 30 2009 CubeCheater iPhone App Solves Rubik's
Been working on solving a Rubik's Cube for the last 26 years? Congratulations, you wasted your life. Keep at it, champ! Alternatively, get CubeCheater for your iPhone, take pictures of all the cube's sides, and PRESTO -- you've effectively defeated the purpose of playing with a Rubik's.
Youtube
Thanks to rox, who can solve any Rubik's in a single move of the hammer.
Also, Happy Birthday Allison! Without your scathing wit and harsh criticism my life would be much better.
Jan 30 2009 Guy Builds Six Cheese Fountain From Talladega Nights For His Wedding Reception
I only made it ten minutes deep into Talladega Nights so I have no idea when or where the mention of a six-cheese nacho cheese fountain is, but that's not really important anyway. What's important is that some guy named Seth was determined to make one for his wedding, and did. And I think I speak for all of us when I say, my God that's classy.
Hit the jump for several more pictures and video of the cheese-whiz in action.
Continue Reading " Guy Builds Six Cheese Fountain From Talladega Nights For His Wedding Reception "
Jan 30 2009 Augmented Reality Coming To LEGO Retailers
We've already seen several examples of augmented reality here on Geekologie. Some sexier than others. And now the technology may be coming to everybody's favorite modular plastic blocks -- LEGO!
LEGO will apparently be rolling out these new 'Digital Box' kiosks to select toyshops around the world that allow you to see a 3D representation of what the LEGO model looks like when fully assembled. The kiosk uses a built-in video camera and custom augmented reality software developed by a German company called Metaio, and because the model exists in 3D, you're able to interactively turn and move it around to see it from all sides.
Sweet! I've always had trouble telling what a LEGO set will look like when it's finished because I usually end up with a belly full few pieces. So this won't help at all. But still, they should use this technology for something more practical -- like microwaveable meals. Am I right? Yes, now hit the jump to see my lunch.
Continue Reading " Augmented Reality Coming To LEGO Retailers "
Jan 30 2009 Really, Really Bad Idea: An MP3 Grenade
Folks, I've had a lot of really bad ideas in my life. And followed through with most of them. But that's neither here nor there, because one thing I never did was mod an inactive grenade into an MP3 player. Inside, modder Matt stuffed a 2GB Sansa Clip MP3 player. Hey Matt, you ever hear the story about that one guy that suspected that other guy of being a terrorist and called Homeland Security on him? Yeah, what's your address?
Hit the jump for another view of the guts.
Continue Reading " Really, Really Bad Idea: An MP3 Grenade "
Jan 30 2009 Shrine Erected For Iraqi Shoe Thrower
Remember the reporter that bared his sole to President Bush during a news conference? Well now Muntadhir al-Zaidi's famous footwear is immortalized at an orphanage in Saddam Hussein's hometown of Tikrit, in the form of a giant copper shoe.
Assisted by children at the home, sculptor Laith al-Amiri erected a brown replica of one of the shoes hurled at Bush and Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki by journalist Muntadhir al-Zaidi during a press conference in Baghdad.
The shoe monument, made of fiberglass and coated with copper, consists of the shoe and a concrete base. The entire monument is 3.5 meters (11.5 feet) high. The shoe is 2.5 meters (8.2 feet) long and 1.5 meters (4.9 feet) wide.
Well now I want a big metal shoe. *removes flip-flop and throws at laptop* Take that, interweb godz! Haha, I know it was a sandal, but you think you could make my statue a boot? I want to drink out of it!
Monument to Bush shoe-throwing shines at Iraqi orphanage [cnn]
Thanks to Yousri and Sshaitan. Sshaitan wrote a rap song about Geekologie, here it is:
Of all the websites in my head/
this one PWNS the interweb/
the links bout link, the bourbon drinks/
the depressing posts about what you think/
(on the low you need a shrink)
but all in all damn im a fan/
starwars, steampunk, watches from japan/
perverse jokes, portal guns/
the sites poppin off at number one/
this is freestyle, so call it free/
pimp daddy , mac daddy ... geek-ol-oh g!
Those beats were so fresh! Now where was your song, Yousri?
Jan 30 2009 Yes Please!: Water Powered Jetpacks
I want one. Yesterday. Ooh, and a firetruck to power it. That way when I have children I can tell them, "Children, in the golden age before you were born daddy used to ride a water-powered jetpack to the liquor store. Now he drives a minivan. Someday you will understand the sacrifices he's made for you. And also, be daddy's designated driver.
Thanks to Digital Mulch, landscaping the interwebs for over 10 years.
Jan 30 2009 Google Maps Van Hits Deer, Uploads Pics
A Google Maps van hit a deer while out on the prowl -- and recorded and uploaded the whole damn thing to the live version of Google Maps! WTF!?
The Google employee had to have known that they hit the deer but the more interesting thought is why did they proceed to upload the images? Is Google that determined to be the first to map the roads by street view that they don't care what goes live on their site?
Based on some of the other stuff I've seen on Street View, it's pretty obvious Google doesn't care what goes live -- or dead! Zing!
UPDATE: Google has responded and states "the deer was able to move and had left the area by the time the police arrived". So yeah, go Bambi! Hit the links to see a couple more graphic pictures if you're a real sicko.
Google Maps
via
Google maps car hits a deer, records it all. Oh deer [neowin]
Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who once thought he ran over a squirrel. In reality, the squirrel passed perfectly under the car, only hitting his head on the tailpipe. In his rearview Spikey saw the squirrel standing there, scratching its melon and wondering "WTF just happened?".
Jan 30 2009 Highly Questionable: The Bacon Brassiere
I don't get it: I love bacon, and I love boobs, but something about this image made me want to hide under the bed and weep into my Pokemon blanket.
Hit the jump for the uncensored version, which may or may not be suitable for work depending on your employer's policy on delicious bras.
Continue Reading " Highly Questionable: The Bacon Brassiere "
Jan 29 2009 Prison Convicts Capture Selves With Lightpole
How not to escape from a New Zealand prison: handcuffed to another dude, running on opposite sides of a lightpole. Check.
Thanks to Ray Doggy Dog and chad, who could have escaped prison like it was a three-legged race.
Jan 29 2009 Yay?: First Commercially Cloned Dog In US
Ed and Nina Otto are two rich crybabies that just couldn't deal with the cancer death of their dog Sir Lancelot Encore in January, 2008. So what did the couple do? Be happy with their eight other dogs? Adopt another one from the pound? Hell no, that would be too logical. Instead, the Otto's paid $155,000 to have Sir Crapalot cloned by South Korean company BioArts International.
"He's back with me," said Nina, "in terms of the essence of him, as much as you could probably expect to ever get back someone who died."
This is Sir Lancelot, as he was, when he was nice and healthy," said Nina Otto, "probably around the time that we actually took his DNA and froze it.""I know that to a lot of people spending that much money is ridiculous. I've heard some of my friends say 'On a dog?', but it wasn't just a dog. It was Lancelot."
No, he was just a dog. And, despite his name, he probably couldn't even wield a sword. And who's to say this one isn't going to get cancer too? Smart thinking. And on a side note, I have news for you folks: your dog isn't special to anyone but you -- everybody else thinks your dog is plain. Some of your friends probably even think it's sub-plain despite what they tell you to your face. No, the only truly special dog in this world is mine. Ooh, and that one that can walk on its back legs.
Pair Pay £100k To Clone Dead Pet [sky]
Thanks to Clint, whose efforts to clone his favorite turtle have failed.
Jan 29 2009 Swiss Pot Farmers Busted Via Google Earth
Swiss police happened upon a 'marijuana plantation' while viewing parts of the countryside via Google Earth. 16 people have been arrested, and 1.2 tons of marijuana and $780,000 in cash and valuables confiscated.
The plantation, measuring almost two acres, was hidden inside a field of corn. But officers using Google Earth to locate the address of two farmers suspected of involvement in the drug operation quickly spotted the illegal crop.
The gang is alleged to have sold up to7.7 US tons of hashish and marijuana between 2004 and 2008, with an annual turnover of 3-10 million francs a year, officials said.
Damnit Switzerland, whatever happened to being neutral? I mean, it was just a little chronic. Okay, probably schwag. Whichever the case, I'm still boycotting your knives.
Police Google farmers, find marijuana field [msnbc]
Thanks to chad, the man, not the country.
Jan 29 2009 Unhappy Virgin Airways Passenger Writes Richard Branson Complaint Letter About Meal
A Virgin Airways passenger, thoroughly upset with the meal and service during a flight, took matters into his own hand, and wrote Sir Richard Branson a personal complaint letter about the experience. An exerpt:
So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what's on offer.
I'll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it's Christmas morning and you're sat their with your final present to open. It's a big one, and you know what it is. It's that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.Only you open the present and it's not in there. It's your hamster Richard. It's your hamster in the box and it's not breathing. That's how I felt
I just read an article this morning that said the customer actually got a job offer by Virgin to be the food critic for potential in-flight meals. It's a fact: complaint letters really do make dreams come true. And also, Disney. I always wanted to puke on a roller coaster!
Hit the jump to read the whole, lengthy letter, including reference pictures. It's basically the same thing I would have done, except with less cussing and threatening "to open a whole bag of airplane peanuts on that ass".
Jan 29 2009 No, Nuh-Uh, No Way: The Robo-Urinal
Allegedly this robo-urinal holds your junk while you pee. For once in my life I'm really praying it's a Photoshop job or some really sick art project. You know the rule about having at least a urinal of separation between you and another dude in the bathroom? Well there are not enough urinals in the world to safely separate you from this thing. I wouldn't even feel safe pissing in the women's room sink.
Oh Hell No [tinypic]
Thanks to NinjaMuffin, who can melt enemies like butter on his top.
Jan 29 2009 Aaaaand The Roadsign Hacking Has Begun
Are you surprised? Of course not. What's there to be surprised about? You post an article about how to hack something, and people try it. Simple as that.
(Traffic Controller Bruce) Jones, who has one of only two keys to the locked access panels on the portable signs, said that the hacker broke into the panels [arguable] on each sign and bypassed the passwords before leaving five different zombie messages and even changing one of the passwords. Jones said he had to wait until 8 a.m. to call the manufacturing company to figure out how to override the hacker's work [Bruce, please see original article]. He speculated that the hacker could be a computer genius from UT.
A computer genius from UT! Or, I dunno, somebody who read an article on the internet. Whatever the case, the zombie thing was cute in the beginning folks, but it's time to start thinking outside the brain. The robots are coming too, you know.
Hit the jump for the other five messages left on the signs and the link to a video news report.
Jan 29 2009 Interplanetary Delight: A Saturn Cake
This is probably the best looking cake we've posted here on Geekologie, and it comes to us all thanks to loyal Geekologie Reader, Jay, who had this to say about it:
I made a saturn cake, I can send pics -J
Damn that thing looks like it was baked full of win, am I right? Of course I am, I didn't take a four week correspondence course in cakes for nothing. I took it to meet women. And let me tell you -- no. But I haven't given up, I'm gonna try that art one next -- the one where you have to draw a picture of a turtle on your application. I like turtles!
Hit the jump for a picture of the cake in it's natural habitat.
Jan 29 2009 Guy Selling Himself As Slave On eBay
I'm pretty sure by definition you can't sell yourself as a slave for a month, because that kind of negates the whole slavery thing. This guy is basically a really douche-y manservant. I mean, he's no Alfred.
What we have for auction today is a slave, a very fit male slave. He is twenty-four years of age, measure five foot ten inches, and weighs eleven stone. This slave is college educated, hard working, and ready to tackle any task you may have for him.
The terms of the auction are as follows.The winning bidder will receive the slave seen in the picture for a period no less than 28 days, but for no more than a period of 31 days.
The winning bidder must be able to provide shelter for the slave in the form of a spare bedroom, a couch, a tent, a hammock, or a tree-house.
The slave is not a sexual slave, and will not under any circumstances partake in any form of sexual activities with his master. This auction is not sexual in anyway shape or form. DO YOU HEAR ME EBAY, THIS IS NOT SEXUAL! OK THANKS!
The slave will not follow any instruction that will most likely result in his death or serious disfigurement.
I dunno, I thought about buying him to walk up and down the highway in the snow with a sandwich board advertising Geekologie, but then I realized I'd probably be too tempted to run him over myself. And what does 'serious disfigurement' mean? Does cutting off a finger count? Because I only consider that minor disfigurement. Quick, to Wendy's!
Hit the jump for two more pictures of the questionable slave.
Jan 28 2009 Exclusive Follow Up: A Match Made In Halo
Remember Desirai Labrada and John Henry, the couple that met playing Halo and planned on getting married this month in a Halo-themed wedding at Otronicon? Well they did it folks, the couple is how happily married and PEW PEWing away to their hearts content together.
The ceremony started just after 1 p.m. in the Science Center's theater. Onstage, a screenshot from Ivory Tower, one of the wedding couple's favorite "Halo" levels, was projected, and a string quartet played songs from the game's soundtrack. Atop an incline of stadium seating, Master Chief began his walk down to the stage followed by John and his groomsmen, their ties marked with the winged-sword emblem of John's "Halo" character. Bridesmaids -- including a matron of honor who just months before had confessed that she didn't know who Master Chief was -- proceeded to their positions. And then, instead of "Here Comes the Bride," Desirai entered to the dramatic score of the "Halo" menu music.
Awesome. Congratulations Desirai and John, Geekologie wishes you the best and many kills to come. Also, I've been inspired to have my own video-game themed wedding the next time I get married. Zelda all the way, baby. Isn't that right honey? Honey? Goddammit.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, a video, and some exclusive insight into the awesomeness provided by my bridesmaid tipster, evilcharismatic.
Continue Reading " Exclusive Follow Up: A Match Made In Halo "
Jan 28 2009 Fail: A Lesson In How Not To Kill Yourself
If you want to kill yourself by driving your beautifully rusting 1987 Dodge van off a cliff, make sure you catch enough air to not end up teetering on the edge of a precipice.
34-year-old Daniel J. Lyons and his sweet 1987 Dodge van bounced down the rocky side of the canyon at Colorado National Monument park this past Wednesday only to be brought to an abrupt halt by an outcropping. Rescue workers found him teetering over the 170-foot drop. Eventually, a litter was lowered over the edge and Lyons was pulled to safety.
Lyons is adamant the incident was an accident, but investigators couldn't find any skid marks or other signs of mishap, indicating this was, in fact, likely a suicide attempt. The van will remain perched on the cliff below Rim Rock Drive until authorities find a way to remove it or gravity has its way.
Jesus, I can think of a lot better ways to go than driving a perfectly good van off a cliff. Including, and currently limited to: mailing yourself. To the sun.
Hit the jump for a couple more amazing pictures.
Continue Reading " Fail: A Lesson In How Not To Kill Yourself "
Jan 28 2009 Cool!: Interactive Street Fighter On Youtube
This is some crazy-ass interactive Street Fighter game in which you actually have some limited command over what your fighter is doing by clicking on-screen buttons. All through Youtube -- amazing! Now go give it a try. Note: clicking the button to choose your opponent will open a new window. But like my grandma always used to tell me, "whenever God opens a new window, he slams an old door and nails it shut, preventing any hope of future happiness. Also, a masked stranger will sneak in your newly opened window and try fondling you in your sleep." Sound wisdom, miss you Grams.
Youtube
Thanks to MoD and NinjaMuffin, who once chained Blanka to a mini fridge in the park where he was forced to power it and keep their beer cold while they played soccer.
Jan 28 2009 Make Your Own LEGO Valve Steam Caps
Want to make your own LEGO valve stem caps for your full-scale LEGO car? No problem. Take a LEGO block, hollow it out, glue in a regular cap, and PRESTO, some jerk steals them within the first week. Which reminds me, remember when you used to steal the hood ornaments off luxury cars and wear them as a necklace? Well I still do that.
Hit the jump for another picture in case you're dying to know what one looks like on the inside (who isn't?!)
Jan 28 2009 'G.I. Joe' Posters Using Classic Leather/Sparks/Debris Combo
Paramount has released five new posters for the G.I. Joe movie. Their concept: poorly-framed characters on the set of a car commercial, and things are blowing up. Enjoy:
Continue Reading "'G.I. Joe' Posters Using Classic Leather/Sparks/Debris Combo"
Jan 28 2009 Light Saber Umbrellas: Battle Sith Lords, Women And Wetness At The Same Time
These $40 Light Saber Umbrellas are the first to combine the coolness of staying dry when it's raining with the incredible sadness of wielding a nonfunctional lightsaber out in public. That said, I take mine everywhere. Wow, is it just me or is it raining lady-killer in here?*
*It's just me. Come get some, beautiful.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the awesome. Also, when rain hits a lightsaber does it crackle and pop like a bug-zapper? That's what I imagine.
UPDATE: Bladerunner Umbrellas, not Star Wars. What, can you blame a guy for drinking?
Continue Reading " Light Saber Umbrellas: Battle Sith Lords, Women And Wetness At The Same Time "
Jan 28 2009 One Cake To Fill Them All: LOTR Desserts
That's right folks, that's a freaking cake right there -- the city of Minas Tirith in all it's fondant-y glory. Wow. Now I'm confident I speak for all of us when I say 'my God would I lay siege to that city -- with a fork!' Am I right? "Thou shall not pass....on seconds!" Thanks Gandalf, I'll have another. Oh, uh-oh -- whipped cream fight!
Hit the jump for several more LOTR cakes, including a pretty solid looking golden ring.
Continue Reading " One Cake To Fill Them All: LOTR Desserts "
Jan 28 2009 It's Like Bathing In The Forest!: The Moss Mat
Moss is like nature's carpet that never has to be vacuumed. So why not bring a little of the outdoors in with a mossy bathmat?
Nguyen La Chanh's ingenious design is made from a decay-free foam called plastazote, and populated with three varieties of moss: ball, island, and forest. Maintenance required for this little patch of green is limited, as the moss thrives off of the humidity released from daily bathroom rituals.
I want one. I just question how much traffic the mat can stand. Granted, that wouldn't be a problem for me -- I only shower bi-weekly. It's called cologne, folks, and I'm saving the planet one less shower at a time.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Continue Reading " It's Like Bathing In The Forest!: The Moss Mat "
Jan 28 2009 Not Again!: Another Kid's Toy Promoting Islam
Remember the story about the children's doll that allegedly says "Islam is the light"? Well now there's a Nintendo DS game that says the same thing, thankfully discovered by BY THE SAME IDIOT THAT COMPLAINED ABOUT THE DOLL.
Months ago, Rachel Jones was shocked to discover her 4-year-old's baby doll seemed to have a hidden message: Islam is the light.
Imagine her surprise when a game for her 8-year-old daughter's Nintendo DS had the same message. Jones said she's angry this is the second toy she's had to take from her children."Not just my daughters' toys, but we have a son too," said Jones. "Now I feel like I need to listen to all of his little toys to make sure they're not saying it."
Well, I don't know what to tell you, Rachel. Except stop procreating. Also, your fifteen minutes of local-news fame were up last year, let somebody else have a turn. Like the kid that got a cherry pit stuck up his nose, that's something.
Video game plays strange message? [wpri]
Thanks to Mark, whose Teddy Ruxpin doll promoted Wicca.
Jan 27 2009 It's A Sock, It's A Camera, It's A....Sockera?
This is a digital camera made out socks by Netta Amir. Unfortunately, it can only take really fuzzy(!) pictures and is kind of a pervert (foot fetish). Wanna make one yourself? Look under your computer desk -- balled up socks? Well wash them. Then stitch them together and, if you're anything like me, PRESTO -- you're bleeding. Ha, I wasn't supposed to put them on first. But they were so warm and fresh out of the dryer! Alright, let's try this again. Ah, there we go -- eight socks sewn together. Kind of looks like an octopus. Hmm, I guess there are actual skills involved. But not gloves -- save those for the video camera.
Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups, including a picture the camera took.
Continue Reading " It's A Sock, It's A Camera, It's A....Sockera? "
Jan 27 2009 Spider Robot Shoots Webs, Catches Criminals
This spider-inspired robot apparently shoots webs to catch criminals in the act of cowering like little girls. Per translated German:
Which like an ugly remote controlled car is in really an awake robot, which is to catch burglars, looks harmless. The Japanese robot manufacturer Tmsuk and the safety enterprise Alacom developed the prototype of the T-34 of robot mentioned.
I have no idea what that means but I think what they were trying to get at is if this thing actually catches you, you're probably the worst burglar ever. Or a magic goat. Probably a magic goat.
Spiderman-Robocop fängt Menschen [stern]
Thanks to Dirk, who once had the opportunity to prevent a liquor store robbery but used the opportunity to guzzle a bottle of wine while the clerk was distracted.
Jan 27 2009 Geekologie Reader Cross-Stitches Squall
Loyal Geekologie reader Anat cross-stitched this bust of Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII while studying Game Design at Vancouver Film School.
This is done on white Aida cloth, 22 count (22 stitches in an inch). It took 6 months to make (I was actually working on it in classes, too. The teachers were less than thrilled, but understood when I showed them what that pattern was of). I made the pattern myself (with the help of a pattern program, of course) and based it off of Squall's profile picture. It's made of 24 colors and is approximately 11 x 8 3/4 inches big. That would mean there are over 40,000 individual stitches in it.. I promised myself I would never do something so detailed again... But it's been so long and the bug is catching up with me again... Maybe I'll start something new!
Good looking, Anat! I don't think Squall could look any more real. Unless, of course, you saw him in real life. In which case, God he's dreamy.
Hit the jump for the closeups.
Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader Cross-Stitches Squall "
Jan 27 2009 WTF?: 'Magic Goat' Arrested For Robbery
That's right folks, the authorities in Nigeria have arrested a magic goat (which may or may not be a tree goat) suspected of theft and are waiting for the crafty bastard to return to its human form.
Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.
"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat""We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat," he said.
Now I want a magic goat. I'd go on tour with Willy Wonk-eye and become the world's greatest magician -- and lover. Sorry ladies, that's goat lover.
Goat detained over armed robbery [yahoonews]
Thanks to Deathbat, marty and ray, who all managed to escape detection in the women's locker room by turning into towels. Lucky bastards! Except for you ray, that chick was ugly.
Jan 27 2009 Google Street View Catches Epic Battle
Fess up, which two of you is this?
Google Maps
Thanks to jonah, Wesche and dave, who all swear it isn't them.
Jan 27 2009 The Tampon Mona Lisa For Sale On eBay
Tampon Mona Lisa (AKA Bleeding Lisa, AKA Bitching and Moaning Lisa) is just that, a picture of Mona Lisa with a bunch of tampons glued on. It's like a middle school art class/sex ed mashup gone horribly wrong.
TAMPON MONA LISA uses an enlarged photocopy of Mona's face, bodice, and hands, the only areas that show her skin in DaVinci's original. Her hair and her clothing are represented in mosaic fashion by approximately 200 tampons. Some of the tampons have the strings attached, showing up as strands of hair or threads on her dress.
Whatever. The bidding starts at a ridiculous $2,600 and if anybody is interested I'll run out to CVS right now and make one even bigger. I'm talking those super absorbent joints. Shit, I may even throw in a few pads and an adult diaper.
Hit the jump for a closeup.
Jan 27 2009 Sweet Ride!: A Legend Of Zelda Themed Car
First of all, I am the world's biggest Zelda fan and that's that, no arguing. I mean, I'm wearing a green freaking tunic and everything. TOOT TOOTLE TOOT DOOTLE DOOT. Yeah, that was me belting one out on the ocarina. You got me, it was a skin flute, but still. Anyway two chicks painted their car with an overworld map from The Legend of Zelda because they thought that would make them big fans or something. It doesn't. I'm the #1 fan. Also, I like turtles.
Zelda is a 1978 Ford Fairmont. She drives like a boat. She has a pretty low number of miles, because she sat still for about a decade in someone's backyard. I bought the car for $600 and spent $100 on paint. It has the map of The Legend of Zelda painted on the top of the car and the characters, Link and Zelda, on the sides. There is also a triforce and a small rendition of Sprite on the back sides. "Zelda" is painted on each side in large red letters.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still gonna steal that sucker, but that doesn't mean these chicks love Zelda more than I do just because I didn't paint my car. Because, guess what -- I don't have a car! I ride a damn horse named Epona. To Lon Lon ranch, I've got a date with Malon!*
*Zelda, if you're reading this, I didn't mean it. You know your pointy ears are the only ones for me. Remember that time I went to kiss you on the cheek and one nearly poked my eye out? Yeah, that better not happen again. Also, Malon isn't underage is she?
Obsessed Gamers | Kathy and Becky [mtv]
Thanks Izzy Slypig, and remember: hoot like an owl if Zelda comes anywhere near the ranch.
Jan 27 2009 Awh Yeah: Some Sexy Pokemon Cosplay
It's already been noted here on Geekologie that I have a thing for Pokemon. Now that may or may not be true, but the point I'm trying to make is that I would totally do the chick in these photos. I mean it too, I would get mad electric up on that. With a car battery. "WHERE'S THE MASTER BALL?!"
Hit the jump for three more. One has a yellow car partially in the shot.
Jan 26 2009 FunSlides: Damn You And Your Spaceage Plastic, Where Were You When I Was A Kid?
When I was a kid there were no FunSlides, we rode down the basement stairs on a baking sheet. And, goddammit, we hit the wall at the bottom and loved it.
Thanks to Patrick, who glides across berber and shag with equal dexterity. Ladies?
Jan 26 2009 Yes, Please: A Naked Stereo System
Ooh la la. This is a piece by Bob Turek in a series called Object Remix.
speakersfiberglass mannequin
hand built stereo amplifier
36" x18" x12"
2008As part of my object remix series, this stereo forces the music source into the center of attention and creates a radically new user interface
Ladies and gentlemen, it is official: I have touched music, and it felt good. Also, she's gonna need a new left speaker.
Object Remix [coroflot]
Thanks to Crystal, whose breasts sound like two angels singing "Happy Birthday".
Jan 26 2009 Big Pimpin' Hyrule Style : Golden Zelda Bling
Damn, now why didn't I think of that? Oh wait, I did. Screw you you bearded copy-cat, I am the OG!
Gold Zelda Cartridge Bling [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Pablo and Jack, who can only afford silver cartridge bling because they aren't filthy rich like me.
Jan 26 2009 Delicious Failure: A Cake Printing Error
Chalk it up as another case of printing failure.
Can you guess what happened? Apparently the printing process is mostly automatic and is printed directly from the website in edible ink. The designer didn't catch it and they tried to sell it to the purchaser.
Ha, they still tried to sell it! That's great. I don't know about you, but if I was the buyer I would have demanded several more icing flowers.
e-mail cake [flickr]
Thanks to Manwai, who once used a scanner and color printer to manufacture fake Whopper coupons and ate free for a month. Now I want some nuggets.
Jan 26 2009 UPDATE: Gallery Of Sexy Stormtroopers
GALLERY SLIIIGHTLY NSFW FOR A FEW WOMEN IN CONSERVATIVE LINGERIE.
I have never been more confused by a picture in my entire life. I mean, WTF is going on there? I dunno, but it does remind me of the time I caught a creep trying to sniff my bicycle seat. So you know what I did? I rang my little bell and kept riding. BRRRING BRRRING!
Hit the jump for a bunch more "sexy" stormtroopers, a couple of which made my penis cry.
UPDATE: Couple more pictures added.
Jan 26 2009 It's A Flip-Flop, It's A Shoe, It's A, Um, Bad Idea
This is an '80's looking hightop that turns into a flip-flop via a zipper. It's called a modular shoe, and it's bound to be one of the worst ideas ideas I've ever heard of. I mean, Jesus, flip-flops cost a dollar and fit in your pocket. Now here's a tip: if you're so poor you're actually considering buying a pair of convertible sneak-flops, BUY SOME FREAKING GROCERIES INSTEAD. And, on a side note, I bought a pair but my penis kept getting caught in the zipper so I threw them out. Ladies?
Hybrid Flip-Flop High Tops [ohgizmo]
Jan 26 2009 Miniature Vroom Vroom: A Lamborghini ATV
These miniature looking Lamborghini ATVs by Liberty Walk Japan was recently on display at the Tokyo Auto Salon. They're available for sale too, provided you've got $20,000 to drop on an ATV (NTV?) that can't really tackle any terrain whatsoever minus really smooth pavement. Still, you should buy one, I want to steal your rims.
Hit the jump for a couple more of the mini-cruiser.
Continue Reading " Miniature Vroom Vroom: A Lamborghini ATV "
Jan 26 2009 Interchangeable Ties: An Obama Action Figure
This presidential action figure is certainly a step above Chia Obama. Available in Japan, Action Obama comes complete with interchangeable ties, hands, and weaponry. He can hold an American flag, microphone, gun, katana, and even a lightsaber. He cannot, however, hold a bachelor party for shit. WHERE WERE THE STRIPPERS, BARACK? I swear.
Random Japanese Obama Action Figure [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Jacen, Ray, MechanicalApe, John and Brit, who are all too old to play with action figures but still do because they're that cool.
Jan 25 2009 T-Mobile's Dance Spectacular Commercial
This is a recent commercial from T-Mobile that is almost identical in execution to this stunt (the second video), except there's like a billion times more dancing in this one. Basically a bunch of confederates (damn you, the north!) are walking around in a train station when they bust out in dance and get all wild up in that bitch while onlookers go "what the f***?" and a couple old people question if they remembered to take their medication. Good times. Oh man -- can you imagine if you were just been passing through on your way to catch a train? You'd have missed it. Then been pissed.
Youtube
Thanks to Jon and Mr M, who did a dance number in the middle school talent show but got booed off stage so they set off a stink-bomb in the back of the auditorium.
Jan 25 2009 Vroom Vroom For Six, Please: A Racecar Limo
This street-legal racecar limo is actually available for hire and can allegedly reach up to 300MPH. Of course your sissy of a driver will probably never top 65MPH, but that's because this whole idea is stupid. Unless you get a couple highspeed track runs before going to you to the dance, in which case, maybe. All I'm saying is if I had gone to prom in that mother, I most certainly would have gotten to touch a boob. And by touch a boob I obviously mean cop a feel. I'm thinking the old "sudden braking" reach across.
Jan 25 2009 Eye Candy: A 1,474 Megapixel Inauguration Photo With Sweet Zoom-In Capabilities
Oh man, you can actually zoom in on faces in the audience and see the snot dripping.
But what you're looking at is not a single image. The photo, which was shot using a Canon G10 and Gigapan Imager, is comprised of over 200 different shots that were then combined over the course of six hours using Gigapan software. The final product has a resolution of 1,474 megapixels and a TIF file size of almost 2 gigabytes
Pretty freaking awesome. So go HERE to explore the image for yourself. It's fun, I spent the better part of five minutes celebrity-hunting in the audience. Thought I spotted Oprah, but it was just some no-name with a turkey drumstick.
Fullscreen Inauguration Gigapan Viewer
via
Panaramic Inaugural Photo [ign]
Thanks to Matt and Hanes, who were both invited to the inauguration but fell in the reflecting pool and had to go home and change clothes, missing it.
Jan 25 2009 Revenge For Bicyclists: Handlebar Key Plugs
Are you a bicyclist that's tired of being cut off and hit by cars? Well get a pair of these handlebar key plugs and you can at least deface the perpetrator's car in the process of getting run over.
These modified handlebar plugs speak to the disgruntled urban cyclist. By retro-fitting stock parts with up-cycled keys, bikers can now find satisfaction with close encounters. This concept puts a new twist on the timeless tradition of car-keying revenge. By Matt Braun and Jared Delorenzo.
They cost $5 for a set of two and fit snugly into regular handlebars and assholes. But in all honesty, if I catch you keying my car I can and will kill you. I'm serious -- if you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots.
Continue Reading " Revenge For Bicyclists: Handlebar Key Plugs "
Jan 24 2009 Commercial: Hey Kids, Wicked Eyebrows!
This is a Cadbury chocolate commercial featuring two kids with crazy freaking eyebrows. Allegedly the eyebrowery is all real. Is there a gene for that? And, if so, can you clone my childhood dog, I miss her. I'll tell you one thing though, I want to have talented kids like that. The little tykes will make me a small fortune in the freak show. Or I'll sell them to gypsies.
Thanks to Ranney, who once sold an eyebrow on eBay with free shipping and almost made enough to cover postage.
Jan 24 2009 Special Ring Counts How Much You Love
This isn't just any ring, it's a special one -- for your penis. Makes the perfect engagement ring for when your member decides to finally tie the knot with Ms. Hand.
A stretchy, orgasm-enhancing ring that actually counts your BPM - otherwise known as Bonks Per Minute! Slide the ring over your penis and enjoy a longer, harder erection as well as the fun of knowing how many times you've thrust per session!
That's right, you just slip your junk in there, have some sex, and it counts how many thrusts you complete before disappointing your partner. In my case six, give or take four (take four).
Hit the jump for two more views and a link to the NSFW product site. Aaaaaaand I'm spent.
Jan 24 2009 Wow, Just Wow: Chia Obama Heads
Chia Obama comes in both "determined" and "happy" poses, costs $20, and is probably the worst way to "honor" a president I can think of.
Hit the jump for a comparison of the two poses.
Jan 24 2009 Who Knew?: Vader Drives A Sports Car
First we discovered Lotus Exiges are standard issue for Imperial Stormtroopers, and now that Vader blasts around in a little Ariel Atom. What next, JarJar in a septic truck? Or maybe an Ewok in a fur-covered Caddy with fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview? Oooh -- and a Princess Leia hula girl dancing in the back window. Which, be honest, the thought of just gave you a boner. Just saying, now accepting pre-orders.
Hit the jump for a picture of Vader's Stormtrooper pit crew, the identity of the Lotus Stormtrooper revealed (SPOILER: it's a hot chick!), and a Stormtrooper dryhumping his girlfriend.
Jan 23 2009 I Told Ya'll It Was Real!: Amazing Wrestling
I'm pretty sure this is the most homoerotically beautiful thing I've ever seen.
WATCH TO THE END.
Thanks to francisco, who once threw his partner 30 feet while tango dancing. She hit a chandelier. And never came down.
Jan 23 2009 No, No, No, We Don't Pierce The Kitties!
Holly Crawford is a 34-year old sadistic dog groomer that decided to pierce the ears, necks, and tails of some cats and sell them as "gothic cats" on the interwebs. After being tipped off by PETA, her home was raided and she was arrested.
She defended herself saying that she did not see any difference between piercing a cat and piercing a human. She said she used sterile needles and surgical soap and that she checked the kittens several times a day to make sure they were healing properly.
Crawford said her dog-grooming business, Pawside Parlor, has plummeted since the raid and that she has received dozens of nasty phone calls.
Piercing pets -- what the f*** is wrong with people? Please discuss. And as a guy with a Prince Albert piercing myself, I've got to admit: sometimes I pee two streams.
'Gothic' pierced cats sold online [thesun]
Thanks to Kathryn, who knows kitties are for loving, not piercing.
Jan 23 2009 Wiilly Bad Ideas: Adding Weights To Wiimotes
Wow, wait till somebody beats their dog in the head or throws one of these through the TV.
Introducing riiflex, a weighted attachment designed for the the Wiiâ„¢ remote. Soon gamers and fitness enthusiasts alike will be able to turn their Wiimote into a weighted dumbbell.
Be among the first to receive this innovative product by submitting your reservation for preorder today.* Designed for the Wiiâ„¢ Remote (Wiimote).
* 2LB and 5LB increments (currently proposed).
* Allows access to all Wiiâ„¢ Remote functions.
Riiflex: $5 to reserve for pre-order
New flatscreen television: $1,600
Two years of therapy for the kids when you kill the family dog: $9,000
Convincing yourself you'll actually get fit playing Wii with a weighted remote: priceless
There are some things money can't buy, for all the rest, steal.
Thanks to Tank, who works out his treads running over the bodies of his enemies.
Jan 23 2009 Concealed Dork Permit: The Gadget Holster
Oh God, please don't shoot -- with your iPhone! BWHAHHAHAH! Let me guess -- you failed the police academy entrance exam again.
The fashionable e-Volveâ„¢ Gadget Shoulder Holster is a new "carry all" shoulder holster that allows you to get all of your personal electronic gadgets off your belt, out of your pockets and into a comfortable shoulder holster.
The e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Holster is designed to "evolve" and adapt to the reality of constant state of change in personal electronics by enabling you to wear your present and future gadgets. This evolutionary capability is achieved by a simple, but functional design of this ergonomic shoulder holster.
I bet it's got a place to store Awethumbs! And it's only 70! F*** a fanny-pack, I want an e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Douche Holster! Watch this little trick -- nothing in my hands right.....BOOM, iPhone! Haha, I'd bet you'd you like to know where it came from -- too bad it's called magic. I'm serious, I had to fellate the sorcerer's apprentice.
Thanks to Atlas Thugged, who done crushed that punk bitch to deaf wif the planet, son.
Jan 23 2009 Mmmm, I'd Eat Him: Windwaker Link Bento
Mmmm, bento: artsy AND delicious. Throw some Zelda up in the mix and, hello, side of lust! This particular box was made by anna the red, who was also responsible for some of the other ridiculous bento we've seen in the past.
I first thought of making Link on his boat, but there was too much blue... so I gave up. I love when Link raises his hand in the air and strikes a poise when finds an item, so I decided to make Toon Link in the forest, finding a piece of heart.
Freaking amazing -- it really looks too good to eat!
UPDATE, TWO WEEKS LATER: Probably should have, Link's getting hairy. And, oh God -- *HORF* musky.
Hit the jump for closeups.
Continue Reading " Mmmm, I'd Eat Him: Windwaker Link Bento "
Jan 23 2009 ZOMG, I'm Buying It Now: $250K Mercedes SLR McLaren On Ebay For Only $45K!!!
Did I mention it was in the Great Chicago Fire? It was.
2005 Mercedes SLR McLaren, extensive fire damage. It has a lot of usable parts, including:* ENGINE
*TRANSMISION
*EXHAUST SYSTEM
*MOST OF THE FRONT SUSPENSION L+R
* FRONT WHEELS
* AND MANY OTHER MISCELANIOUS PARTS.
Screw it, I'm welding a patio chair to that sucker and calling myself Richy McMoney Burntride. So, uh, can one of you lovely readers float me $44K? Come on -- I'll let you sit on the gas tank and make VROOM VROOM noises!
Hit the jump for two more of the sadness.
Continue Reading " ZOMG, I'm Buying It Now: $250K Mercedes SLR McLaren On Ebay For Only $45K!!! "
Jan 23 2009 Mmmm, Sacky: A Delectable Sack Boy Cake
I remember being super freaking excited about the release of Little Big Planet, but I ended up never buying it because I made my own Sack Boy out of a potpourri sachet and he's about as much fun and odoriferous as I can stand. Well Geekologie reader Kelli made her own Sack Boy as well -- in cake form!
I made the cake for my friend Marchelo's birthday dinner last night, and everyone loved it! It was a basic lemon pudding cake with chocolate fudge frosting, all in all 2.5 cakes and 3 cans of frosting went into this creation!
Now I know what you're thinking, "my God, I want to gobble that sack", and believe me -- I'm right there with you.
Hit the jump for a bunch more, including some of the build, along with a link to a larger gallery.
Continue Reading " Mmmm, Sacky: A Delectable Sack Boy Cake "
Jan 23 2009 Help Prevent Carpal Tunnel With Awethumb!
This video is chock-full of slanderous lies and half-truths about the dangers of texting in an attempt to sell you little plastic thimbles to slip on your thumbs when using your cell phone. I'm only posting it because 1. I can't believe these pieces of shit and 2. I just love hearing the guy say "AWETHUMB!", particularly at 0:22 and the very end. $11.50 gets you "2 Small & 2 Large Awethumbs and a Microfiber Storage Pouch that Doubles as a Cleaning Cloth". $18.50 gets you everything mentioned above and an Awethumb handjob.
Product Page
Thanks to Mother B, who doesn't need Awethumbs, because they're stupid.
Jan 22 2009 Get Away From The World And Die Alone And Miserably In The 'Generic Escape Capsule'
'The Generic Escape Capsule' was fashioned by Australian artist Adam Norton out of an old wardrobe after he discovered it wouldn't transport him to a magical land where he could f*** lions and witches and goat-people. Basically, Adam included everything a person would need to survive a couple days away from the world, should one get tired of their nagging wife/girlfriend or get buried in an earthquake. Plus, as a bonus, it doubles as a masturbation chamber. Triples as kindling.
Hit the jump for a close up of the last thing you'll see before you decide it's just not worth living anymore.
Jan 22 2009 Stormtroopering Pays More Than Expected
This is a picture of an Imperial Stormtrooper driving a Lotus Exige. And you know, it really got me thinking -- why am I hanging with this ragtag bag of dicks in the Rebel Alliance -- these guys don't pay shit. I mean, Jesus, I have to use public transportation. Just saying, I look good in white.
Storm Trooper Trades In Speeder Bike For Something A Little More Agile [jalopnik]
Thanks to ZOMBIE BOB, who allegedly ate Ewok brain and loved it.
Jan 22 2009 Build Your Own Atari 2600 Controller Lamp
Want to build your own giant Atari 2600 controller lamp? No problem -- all it takes is some power tools, a shit-ton of skill, more patience than my girlfriend, and a month of unemployment. It'll totally be worth it though, right? No, it won't be. And yours will probably look like shit.
Hit the jump for several more of the finished product, along with a link to the very in-depth, and very difficult, instructions.
Continue Reading " Build Your Own Atari 2600 Controller Lamp "
Jan 22 2009 Wear Your Effing Wriststrap!: Woman Hits Dog With Wiimote, Killing It, Neighbor Revives
Kathy White hit her five-month old miniature Sheltie, Ozzy, in the head with a Wiimote when she was bowling with her daughter. Note: she didn't actually throw the remote, she was still holding it.
"We had just got the Wii for Christmas," explained owner Kathy White, "so we were trying it out, and that's when Alexis and I were bowling and Ozzy was standing by me and he jumped up and I hit him in the temple and killed him instantly."
Her first instinct was to call her neighbor Pene Honey for help.
Thankfully, Pene managed to come over and revive the dog with a little mouth to nose action.
Now she knows you have to be careful when playing a Wii.
"I just want people to be aware of their environment," White said, "especially small dogs and children so this doesn't happen to them. Because it was a horrifying experience and I don't want anyone to go through this."
I take it you didn't read the instructions before playing, did you, Kathy? No? Didn't notice the warning screen either? Jesus, how have you not died in a kitchen fire? Kathy White: astonishingly still alive after 40 years of not following instructions.
Hit the jump for a video report that will make you want to call animal services.
Jan 22 2009 Forget Rubik's, I Want A Yoshimoto Cube
A Yoshimoto Cube is actually two separate cubes nested together. The technical terminology for the change is "the transformation of two stellated rhombic dodecahedrons from a cube". Honestly, I just like listening to this guy's voice. It's soothing, like a homicidal maniac's.
Youtube
Thanks to OJ's Mom, who once transformed a stellated cylinder in his pants into a dodickahardon IN YO FACE!
Jan 22 2009 I've Seen It All Now: Air Guitar Strings
Air Guitar Strings cost $3 plus shipping and are an empty package that reads "Air Guitar Strings". Very clever. if you're thinking about buying them, here's an idea: why don't you give me half the money you were gonna pay, then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day?
Hit the jump for the Vegas Vacation clip that's from and a link to the product page.
Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Air Guitar Strings "
Jan 22 2009
Strange Lights In The Sky Can Only Mean One Of Two Things: The Aliens Are Coming Or Some Boring Natural Phenomenon
It's a well-known scientific fact that aliens have a light fetish. So these columns of light seen above the town of Sigulda, Latvia can only mean one thing: they're here. Needless to say, there's a cover-up in effect.
But experts are agreed there may be a more prosaic explanation - ice crystals in the air.
The air above the town was notably cold and filled with suspended ice crystals.It is believed that the columns were formed by those reflecting light from the bright streetlamps and other lights on the ground - beaming it back downwards again.
Yeah, no. Aliens, bitches, they're coming. Now I'd hate to start a bunch of fearmongering without doing something to help, so I'll cut straight to the chase: I'm selling tin-foil hats and butthole tape on eBay.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the mysterious alien beams.
Jan 22 2009 Uh, I've Got The Feeling This Is Illegal: How To Hack Those Programmable Road Signs
Ever wanted to put your own message on one of those portable road signs along the highway? Well now you can with just a little tampering and a whole lot of illegal! Unfortunately, because many children read this website, you'll have to follow the link after the jump to find out how. I'll admit, I gave it a go myself, and it does actually work. Although I did get busted. In hindsight, standing next to the "SHOW ME YOUR TITS" sign with a Motorists Gone Wild t-shirt and video camera probably wasn't the smartest decision I've ever made. But definitely top five.
Hit it for a couple pictures and a link to the how-to.
Jan 21 2009 Guy Makes Portal Gun, I Plan To Steal It
Holy crap somebody went and made the gun from Portal. I have absolutely no shame in telling you all I am going to steal the device, and then use it to rob a bank and escape the po-po.
Developed by Aperture Science, this Handheld Portal Device is an extremely limited edition (dare I say, one of a kind?) portal generator. Illuminated with blue ad orange LEDs, the entire gun runs off of only one 9V battery and needs no ammunition.
*donning pantyhose mask* See you in a bit!
UPDATE: HOLY SHIT I'VE GOT IT! I even managed to escape without detection, so I don't even know if the thing works yet. *pointing at bedroom wall* Well, here goes nothing! *PEW* OH MY GOD IT WORKS! Aaaaand there's my sister. Aaaaand she's naked. Quick, portal me in the eyes!
Hit the jump for a couple more views.
Continue Reading " Guy Makes Portal Gun, I Plan To Steal It "
Jan 21 2009 I'm Tired Of Life Anyway: Wingsuit Madness
MUST WATCH, UNBELIEVABLE ACTION.
Wingsuits: just like being a bird, except no bird is dumb enough to do that shit.
UPDATE: A cardinal just flew into the window. Superbowl omen!?
Thanks to The Jerk, Jim and Phil, who don't need to almost die to have a good time, video games are enough.
Jan 21 2009 FastSkinz: Improve Your Gas Mileage And Achieve That Coveted Golf Ball Look
Let's face it, we all want our cars to look more like golf balls. But what's a guy to do? Simple, have FastSkinz applied! Fastskinz look dimply and also improve your vehicle's gas mileage. Now I don't really want to go into details (I'll leave that for the quote), but I think it has something to do with dimples being super-cute and a highly desirable characteristic in a mate.
Long ago, golf ball manufacturers discovered that a dimpled surface would help a ball to fly farther through the air with less drag, so why not apply the same thinking to cars? The dimples reduce the wake turbulence caused by early separation of the boundary layer...The company claims an 18-20 percent improvement in gas mileage, although independent testing is still needed.
I didn't bother reading that, but I'm pretty confident I was right: golf balls have dimples and require almost no gas, so it only makes sense that a dimply car shouldn't either. Damn, I really am the L337 science guy. F*** you, Bill Nye!
FastSkinz claims to improve your car's mileage using golf ball technology [dvice]
Jan 21 2009 Beer Hoodie: Look, Bartender -- No Hands!
I've got the feeling this has existed forever, but just in case it hasn't, here it is -- the $36 Beer Pouch Sweatshirt with Hood.
Finally! You can carry around a beer while leaving your hands free to high five a complete stranger in the stands, carry more beer, or operate your hands-free cellphone. The Beer Pouch Sweatshirt is perfect for sporting events, picnics, and really boring offices.
Features a 30 square inch pouch with elastic band and an insulating liner to keep your beer ice cold. The pouch can stretch to accommodate soda cans, bottled water, and even cans of soup and bottles of whipped cream.
Wow, I think that effectively convinced me not to buy one after all. Not that I was going to anyways -- I've already got a beer carrier. Isn't that right, wench? Wench?
NOTICE: Now hiring new beer wench. Must be able to lift 20 lbs, support 190. Large breasts a plus, penis a minus.
Product Page
Thanks to pirhan, who hand-frees beer the old fashioned way, with one of those beer helmets.
Jan 21 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Dude Laser Etches All The Levels Of Super Mario Land Onto His Eee Pc
Remember Super Mario Land for the Gameboy? Yeah, that shit was hard. Well Flickr user revolvingdork went and laser etched the top of his Eee PC with the entire freaking game.
Everything from the familiar layouts of 1-1 to the climactic battle with Tatanga in the clouds at the end of 4-3 is represented in the etching.
This was made possible with the laser cutter at NYC Resistor in Brooklyn, where you can go to get your laptop etched too!I set the laser in raster mode at 70% speed and 40% power to achieve this look.
There you have it folks, now get out there and laser-etch your laptops! Except for best results I recommend setting the laser for 1% speed and 100% power. Just trust me -- if your computer catches fire, it's working.
Hit the jump for a closeup in which you can really appreciate the detail.
Jan 21 2009 Wow, That's Woody: A Custom Wooden Vespa
This wooden Vespa was made by woodmaster Carlos Alberto to show off his skills in the art of woodery. The entire exterior was constructed of laminated hardwood and, I've got to admit, it looks pretty damn amazing. But the question remains: is there a cooler form of transportation than a wooden Vespa? And the answer, of course, is yes, all of them. Including hobbling on crutches.
Hit the jump for several closeups and a link to the build page.
Continue Reading " Wow, That's Woody: A Custom Wooden Vespa "
Jan 21 2009 My Turn, My Turn!: Cat Rides Subwoofer
We already discovered cats have a penchant for Roombas, but who knew the little fish-loving shit machines love riding subwoofers as well? Not me. But, as is evident from the video, its like an amusement park ride for the little furballs. Toss some catnip into the mix and it'll be just like that time I got high and puked in Space Mountain. Fun!
Cat Gets Good Vibrations From Subwoofer [gizmodo]
Jan 21 2009 I Like: A Sweet LEGO-Inspired T-Shirt
This is a completely unlicensed t-shirt from Fuzzy Ink that features a LEGO minifig trying on different heads. It'll set you back $16 if you want one and comes in three color choices: gray. Which head would you wear? I'm leaning towards the one with the eyepatch or the hooker. Oh, now I can't decide. F*** it, I'm wearing them one on top of the other. "Yaaaar, you scurvy-ridden seaslugs!" "Handjobs, $10."
Thanks to Justin, who bought one and promises to wear it on twin-day so we match.
Jan 20 2009 BOOM, Headshot!: Sniping App For iPhone
Now you can shoot things with better accuracy thanks to BulletFlight, a $10 application available for the iPhone and iPod Touch.
Users can mount their iPod touch to their rifle, and then use the iPod's touch-screen to tap in details about the wind conditions, ammunition type, distance to the intended target and even the wind speed.
"Unlike other apps, BulletFlight does not output information in table format," says the application's iTunes page. "What it does do is dynamically give you the solution you need now to take that shot."
Really? Attaching an iPhone to a sniper rifle? Terrorists everywhere will laugh at you. Thanks but no thanks, I prefer to do my sniping the old-fashioned way -- with a powerful burning laser. PEW PEW!
Sniper rifle software launched for iPod touch [telegraph]
Thanks to Tony and Larry, who only make heads explode with knowledge, son.
Jan 20 2009 Wow, What A Go-Getter: Kid Buys Back Car To Prove Speeding Ticket Was Falsely Issued
One day Dale Lyle got a speeding ticket in the mail issued by one of those automatic ticketing cameras. It claimed he was doing 98MPH in his 14-year old Honda Civic, a car he insisted could only do 85MPH max on a downhill slope with a tailwind. So what did he do? He did what any badass would do -- he stuck it to the man like dogshit under a cardoor handle.
Mr Lyle, 21, who has a clean driving license, had already sold the car to a friend for £600. He had to take out a bank overdraft to buy it back. Then he had to pay an independent driving expert £600 to test the 1.3litre Civic's top speed at a circuit in Bedfordshire.
The result was as expected. Even when driven flat-out, the Honda could still only do a top speed of 85.4mph in fourth gear and 81.3mph in fifth.Next, Mr Lyle obtained the mobile speed-camera footage of his alleged offence - travelling at 98mph on a 70mph three-lane carriageway of the A38, near Plymouth, on December 13, 2007.
The three-minute film shows three other cars in the frame at the same time, he said, which he believes means his vehicle was mistaken for another.
Nice, Dale, way to make us all proud. Now make the court give you back all the money you spent. I swear, I wish I was more like you. I probably would have just paid the fines and then vandalized the ticketing camera. Yay, passive-aggressiveness!
Also, somebody make this website a freaking Wikipedia page already. Geekologie demands Wikognition!
Hit the jump for a picture of the test report Dale had run.
Jan 20 2009 Guy Gets Arm Replaced Luke Skywalker Style
Evan Reynolds, 19, got his hand and part of his arm ripped off in a car accident and has since been fitted with an i-LIMB, a robotic hand developed by an Apple/Star Wars fanboy.
The i-Limb was developed by a Scottish company, Touch Bionics, and has won awards for its innovative technology. The total cost including the hand itself and the fitting is about £30,000.
"It's so sensitive I can grip a bottle of water or a paper cup without crushing it, and even swing a racket. All I have to so is imagine picking something up or gripping it and the fingers and thumb move automatically."Mr Reynolds said his disability has not stopped him playing sport, his greatest passion, nor has it crushed his spirit.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for fake arms and shit, but I'd still be pissed if Evan could throw the ball better than me. And that, dear reader, is only one of the thousands of reasons why I'm going to spend eternity in hell with a piece of glowing charcoal in my ass.
Bionic hand gives student new lease of life [telegraph]
Thanks to MoMan, who fears the day his robotic prosthetic turns on him and rips his penis off.
Jan 20 2009 Cows With Holes Directly To Their Stomachs
And I'm not talking about their mouths either! Or assholes. I'm talking hole holes, like, holy shit(!), that cow has a freaking hole in it!
These cows have been given a fistula, a hole directly into the stomach that scientists can reach into and study to see how certain foods get digested. Through this kind of work, better food can be concocted and studies into stomach cancer and other problems can be conducted. Although it looks inhumane, the cows don't seem to mind.
*HORF* You know, now that I think about it, I think they had a cow like this at Virginia Tech when I was there. Of course, I never saw it because I wasn't allowed anywhere near the animal husbandry department. Funny story -- did you know sheep can file restraining orders?
Hit the jump for some even more disturbing imagery.
Continue Reading " Cows With Holes Directly To Their Stomachs "
Jan 20 2009 I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch
I know what you're thinking, "holy shit, we have a new president!" And also, "damnit Geekologie Writer, hit me the latest in time-telling devices". Well you got it, son. The Kisai Keisan is the latest in Tokyoflash's wrist flasherdashery. If you can add, you can tell what time it is on the Keisan.
Calculate the time with Keisan. Simply touch the button and digits will appear in four vertical lines. Add the digits in each vertical line to read the time. The date is displayed in the same way after the time. The time and date can be accelerated by pressing button A again. To find out more, take a look at the interactive manual to the right.
The Keisan is available for $255 in black with red or green LEDS, and silver with orange or yellow LEDs. But hurry -- they'll be gone in a Tokyoflash! ZOMG, I think I just reached a new level in L337 advertising: +30 selling, -20 dignity! I swear, I could sell fire to Satan -- or cans of bitch to my ex-wife!
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of the flashery.
Continue Reading " I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch "
Jan 20 2009 Admit It, You're Lazy: A Cup Noodle Machine
Why you'd need a vending machine for a product that only requires hot water and three minutes to be ready for consumption is beyond me. Yet, here it is, a Cup Noodle (I always thought it was Cup-O-Noodles) vending machine.
It's small enough to fit on a counter top, and includes a hot water thermos and storage for up to four Cup Noodle bowls with a dispenser. It even has an automatic timer that'll beep when three minutes is up and your food is ready to eat.
Jesus, it's called a microwave, folks. And who else has accidentally eaten part of the styrofoam cup while downing a Cup Noodle all drunk? Go ahead, admit it -- nothing to be ashamed of. HAHA, you freaking ate the cup! To your credit though, I wouldn't trust you with a fork either.
Nissin offers introverts compact cup noodle vending machines [tokyomango]
Thanks to Niki, who stopped eating Ramen in college because she got to look at some under a microscope and it looked too noodley.
Jan 20 2009 Umm, Okay: Wooden Hand iPhone Holder
Looking for a $95 wooden iPhone holder that looks like a hand? Well look no further, you eccentric bastard you, here she blows!
This custom hand carved iPhone Holder is one-of-one worldwide! Wow you Apple loving friend with this ultra-exclusive accessory. The precise carving of this iPhone base realistically replicates the human hand. Compatible with Original iPhone and iPhone 3G for a very snug and precise fit. iPhone conveniently slides in and out vertically.
That's, uh....that's something. Not really my cup of tea, but that's just because I don't feel like lugging a giant wooden hand around in my pocket all day. I mean, I've got enough hand in my pocket as it is. And speaking of which -- two ball, change pocket.
Hit the jump for some closeups and a link to the Etsy product page.
Jan 20 2009 Ninja Cat Will Kill You In Your Sleep, Lick Itself
Remember the first ninja cat? That was one stealthy bastard, was he not? He was. Well here comes another feline with killer instincts, this one demonstrating a technique for climbing stairs without detection. Now I'm not saying I wish my cats were more ninja-like, but I do wish they'd learn that just because their two front paws are in the litter box, doesn't mean they're pissing in it.
Thanks to Amanda, who had to scold her cat for throwing shurikens at the dog.
Jan 20 2009 Fire Hazards: $5,000 Paper Houses
The Wall AG is a Swiss company out to solve the problem of homelessness, particularly in third-world countries, with the Universal World House -- a $5,000 paper house.
This isn't mere papercraft--the Universal World House is a $5,000, 390-square-foot modular home, outfitted with plumbing and boarding facilities to support up to eight (eight!) residents each. The secret of its construction is its "paper" shell; the resin-soaked cellulose, made from recycled paper, is shaped into honeycomb walls, which provide structural integrity and insulation to the houses.
Concerned about your ability to slaughter an animal in your new abode? Worry not!
It has been designed so that a family can slaughter an animal on the veranda, wash it in the shower and hang it, along with fish, on an integrated washing line.
Sweet! The only problem is the, uh, the paper. Remember The Three Little Pigs. Even the dumbest one used straw. Just saying.
$5,000 Paper House is the World's Swankiest Hobo Pad [gizmodo]
Thanks to kristy, who was smart enough to build with Styrofoam.
Jan 19 2009 Wood Is Good: A Scrabble Keyboard
Ever wondered what a keyboard would look like if it had Scrabble tiles for keys? This. Finally, you can sleep at night.
This keyboard was commissioned by a couple of friends of mine from back east (NJ) who are avid Scrabble players. Most of the keys are made from real Scrabble tiles that were all hand-beveled (truly an exercise in patience/masochism!) and built onto a USB, clicky, mechanical-switch keyboard. This keyboard was going into a Mac environment so I decided to use brushed aluminum for the casing and round all of the corners to keep with the sleek, simple Macintosh styling. Near the end of the build, I decided that the keyboard looked a little too minimalist so I added some silver hardware and a seam to put a slightly industrialized twist on the design.
Alternatively, glue Scrabble tiles to your current keyboard. Just make sure you put the correct letters on. O YJOML O YXDEW IT IO! That's a bingo, count it.
Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups.
Jan 19 2009 Mom Unplugs XBox, Kid Assaults With Taco
The latest in a string of culinary assaults, Zachary Moir (now to be known as the taco tosser. Or, if he ends up doing time, the taco salad tosser) assaulted his mother with a delicious, meat-filled tortilla.
When he refused to stop playing his X-box and come down for dinner, Dena Moir says she went upstairs and unplugged the game, that's when she says Zachary pushed her and called her a bad name...A few minutes later Dena says she was in the kitchen cleaning and cooking tacos for dinner when Zachary showed up. That's when she says he slapped her arm and threw a taco in her face.
Wow, Zachary, I can understand you not wanting to eat since you're already so full of fail, but tacos are delicious you freaking idiot.
Big Shot Allegedly Throws Taco at Mommy for Unplugging Xbox [gizmodo]
Thanks to Frostee, who almost threw a churro at his grandmother for having the television volume up so loud, but ate it instead.
Jan 19 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Philips Making 21:9 TV
The 56" Philips Cinema Widescreen LCD is a 21:9 television hitting the streets of selected countries next month. If you want one you can pay an arm and a kidney and watch movies in the proper 21:9 aspect ratio without black barring it. If you don't want one, forget you ever read this and save that precious brain-space for something useful. Like a tv theme song! Which reminds me -- "thank you for being a friend..." Haha, marinate on that one all afternoon, suckers!
philips cinema 21:9 ultra widescreen perfect for movie snobs [technabob]
Thanks to Julian, who who thought about getting one until he realized he owned a movie theater. An adult movie theater. No, that's not creepy.
Jan 18 2009 Anybody Seen My Foil Helmet?: UFO Destroys Wind Turbine, Aliens Make Off With A Piece
The alien apocalypse is upon us! Those other-worldly asslovers have already started sabotaging our power systems, starting with most crippling -- yes, the wind turbines.
The facts: The turbine suffered a catastrophic failure at night around the same time many locals reported "glowing spheres" in the sky. The manufacturer says the turbine was built to withstand extreme conditions. And the blade that snapped off still hasn't been found.
That's right folks, we can finally add destruction of property and theft to the long list of rectal crimes aliens have committed here on Earth. Apparently the little wonk-eyed bastards hate renewable energy and just all around jerks and litter bugs. Which, honestly, I've been trying to tell you all for years. Remember the time I woke up with a burger wrapper and Styrofoam cup in my ass? Exactly.
Breaking: Aliens hate wind power [dvice]
Jan 18 2009 No, Absolutely Not: A $64,000 Turntable
We've already featured $19,000 and $300,000 turntables here on Geekologie, but what about something for the average guy -- you know, a mid-range record player? Enter the Angelis Labor Gabrielle Turntable.
The Gabriel is made from aluminum, bronze and stainless steel and can be customized with up to four arms. Each arm is made in a Modena, Italy, factory that also builds Ferrari parts. A one-armed model costs about $27,000, while a four-armed version runs for $64,000, including installation.
Why would anyone want four arms on their record player? Different pickup cartridges produce different types of sound, and some audiophiles like to match their record players' arms to different genres of music without going through the hassle of swapping cartridges."When I look at it," said Placido Pappalardo, co-owner of maker Angelis Labor, "the only word that comes to mind is love."
Really, Placido, love? I was maybe thinking spaceship or PEW PEW, but certainly not love. Unless, of course, you meant LOVE love, in which case, I'd hit that shit like a Laserdisc player.
Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups.
Continue Reading " No, Absolutely Not: A $64,000 Turntable "
Jan 18 2009 Highly Questionable: Steve Jobs Has HIV?
I'm assuming the picture is all part of a really shitty hoax, but who knows.
On January 14, 2009, in an internal Apple memo, Jobs wrote that in the previous week he had "learned that my health-related issues are more complex than I originally thought" and announced a six-month leave of absence until the end of June 2009 to allow him to better focus on his health.
Obviously I hope Steve doesn't actually have HIV, but that Apple finds a cure anyways. Whatever the case may be -- get better, Steve.
Steve Jobs purported HIV medical status results, 2008 [wikileaks]
Thanks to steve (not THE Steve), Jimmy and Malicious Lingerer, who all wish Mr. Jobs the best.
Jan 17 2009 FAKE! This Is A Complete Photoshop Job. You Can Tell It's A Fake Because I Went To Block Your IP Address But Accidentally Locked Myself Out Of The System (I've Been Drinking, Somebody Call IT)
Some adbuster in Berlin (that's Germany, for those of you who failed remedial geography) added a touch of flair to some ads in a subway station featuring Britney Spears and some other wankers by making them look like they were a Photoshop interface. And I think I speak for all of us when I say their work really speaks volumes -- about how ugly celebrities really are. And also, about subway security.
Hit the jump for a bunch more of the Photoshoppery.
Jan 17 2009 Stop Confusing Me, Damnit: The TOFU Robot
TOFU is a meat-free robot that looks and acts like a penguin crossed with a Furby crossed with my ex-girlfriend's muff (which I DID see once when I walked in on her in the shower -- score!) Developed at the MIT Media Lab, the little bastard dances to music and has OLED eyes that look eerily sexy. "He's a "squash and stretch" robot, one that uses techniques of social expression employed by 2D animators to give himself some personality." I have no idea what that means but I've killed my fair share of Furbys and, by God, I'll kill a battalion of these little robotic bitches too. But....those eyes....
UPDATE: Humankind, please forgive me, for I have sinned in the most I had-sex-with-a-robot way possible. And, I still have some more reading to do on the subject, but I think I might be pregnant.
Jan 17 2009 You're So Oldschool!: A NES Controller Jacket
This NES Controller Varsity Jacket is available for $200* from 80'sTees and has a giant freaking NES controller on the back, hence the name. It's only being made in a limited edition of 1,000 and allegedly they're already running out of several sizes, so if you want one, you better act quickly. Same goes for if you want some of this. No, I'm serious -- my girlfriend should be back any minute.
*Tough guy not included.
Hit the jump for a closeup of the embroidered controller above the breast.
Continue Reading " You're So Oldschool!: A NES Controller Jacket "
Jan 16 2009 Virgin Auctioning Virginity Allegedly Gets $3.7 Million Offer -- I Should Know, It Was Me!
Remember 'Natalie Dylan', the 22-year old strumpet who's claiming to be a virgin so she can auction off her virginity to your dad? Yeah, well in what appears to be the longest-running auction ever (my last post was in early September), Natalie has allegedly received a $3.7 million dollar bid. Which, I want it to be noted, I wouldn't even pay for a virgin t-rex. F*** it, not even an albino virgin t-rex. Also, just look at that chick -- I've seen plenty of virgins (or at least the same one in the mirror everyday), and that ain't no Mary.
Natalie allegedly received over 10,000 bids and plans to use the money to go to college (read: get even bigger implants and become an adult-film star). Best of luck, Natalie, I'm rooting for you. And also, bidding. Tosseth aside thine chastity belt -- thou virginity is mine! F***, now I'm even creeping myself out.
22-Year-Old Sells Virginity Online -- and Feds Can't Do a Thing to Stop Her [foxnews]
Thanks to Bryan and The Superficial Writer, who, despite pooling their Whopper coupons, only came up with enough for a 30 seconds apiece with Natalie -- not that they'd need anymore. HIYO!
Jan 16 2009 Safety First: Condom Animals Doing It
NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT CONDOM ANIMALS HAVING SEX ALL OVER THE PLACE.
This is a Durex commercial that may or not have made it to the air (certainly not in this country) that features arguably homosexual condom rabbits doing it. I kept waiting for one to pop until I realized you probably wouldn't want to advertise that. Also, I would like to take this time to pat myself on the nuts for never getting that crazy bitch of an ex-wife pregnant.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not my child!
Superfad Ad Agency (which has a couple outtakes to watch as well)
Thanks to Skin & Bones, Jase, leftrightleft, and Julian, who, despite their vehement denials, have all used BBQ sauce as lube.
Jan 16 2009 Finally, Some Flowcharts I Can Understand: Thank God I'm A Man (And Love Booze)
These are flowcharts made by some beer manufacturer that explain, in simple detail, why you should be thankful you're a man. Because apparently being a woman involves much more complicated decisions. Hit the jump for two more charts, including one that has something to do with shoes. Personally, I only own three pairs: sneakers, dress shoes, and flip-flips. Okay, you got me -- and f***-me boots.
Hit the jump for the other two charts.
Continue Reading " Finally, Some Flowcharts I Can Understand: Thank God I'm A Man (And Love Booze) "
Jan 16 2009 Optimouse Prime: The Mickey Transformer
Apparently this Mickey Mouse-Transformer mashup was on display at this week's Tokyo Toy Forum and is being manufactured for sale late next month. The morphing mouse will set you back about 40 pieces of cheese and is perfect for both Disney and Transformer fans. Plus, if you know somebody who's both, you can count it as both their birthday AND Christmas presents. Sure that would make you a giant cheapskate, but who cares, I already saw you taking extra hot sauce packets from Taco Bell. Haha, you thought I didn't notice, did you, you little cheapskate?*
*Bring me some Fire.
DeceptaToon: Mickey Mouse Transformer debuts in Japan [dvice]
Thanks to Riche-con-carnie, who would probably taste great with a little extra hotsauce.
Jan 16 2009 Oh Wow -- An Even Worse Text-Messager
Remember the story earlier in the week about the girl that sent 14,528 text messages in a month? Well, it turns out she's not the only daughter I'd lock in the basement. Emilee Cox, a 14 year old from Clermont, Florida, sent and received 35,463 texts in a single month. Which, granted, were probably only half actually sent messages. But still, get a life. The best part of the interview:
Haha. Your dad was supposed to email me a picture of you to use. Do you know if he found one?
Uhm idk i think my sister is sending him one.
Got the photos. You are 14, right?
Yes i am.
Wow, even I found that creepy. Anybody else get the feeling the interviewer was at least partially responsible for Willy Wonka's third-quarter earnings?
Full text message interview with Clermont teen who had 35,463 text messages in a month [orlandosentinel]
Thanks to Jessica, who won't return my texts. WHAT'D I DO!?
Jan 16 2009 What If The Dark Knight Was An 8-Bit Game?
This is a video of what the opening sequence of an 8-bit Nintendo Dark Knight game may have looked like. I've heard arguments it's more SNES looking, but whatever, I'm not here to argue, I'm here to pick up vulnerable women. I just ran over your cat, wanna grab some coffee?
Youtube
Thanks to cool-slayer and Dave, both of whom fight crime without the assistance of masks or capes because that shit's for ugly people and those who can't fly naturally.
Jan 16 2009 Not Impressed, And I Typically LOVE Elf Ears
The Gelfin Ear Tip is a brass (not even gold!) piece of jewelry made to insert into an ear piercing so you can look like an idiot. And trust me folks, I'm not saying that to be rude -- I freaking love a good looking elf-ear. This just isn't one of them. And especially not for $260 per ear. You're better off just cutting your ears and spraypainting them gold. Which is exactly what I did two days ago. That's right -- and from now on you will only refer to me as Findecáno Calmcacil, the Elf King of Geekologie. Also, I think the ear infection has spread to my brain.
UPDATE: Whew, false alarm -- just a little gold spraypaint in my blood-alcohol stream. I'm pissing riches!
Bijules NYC "Gelfin Ear Tip" [highsnobette]
Thanks to Amanda, who, unlike you guys, doesn't need elf ears to turn me on.
Jan 16 2009 WTF!: The World Thorium Fuel Vehicle
The Cadillac WTF is a conceptual car by designer Loren Kulesus that runs on Thorium, a possible alternative nuclear fuel to uranium. You know, because there's nothing like driving a car packed with radioactive metal to keep you under the speed limit. Just kidding, I'd speed anyways. And glow! Did anybody else think that picture was real at first? No? Me neither then. I spotted that rendering from a mile away. Hawkeyes they call me. Well, hawkeye. F***ing falcon.
Hit the jump for several more renderings, all of which reminded me of the DeLorean from Back To The Future because 1. they look nothing like it and B. I'm still hoping to do a dinosaur. What? No, I didn't stay up all night drinking. Funny story: I stayed up drinking all night.
Jan 15 2009 Another Day, Another Zelda Theme Song
Remember the Zelda theme played by the guy with the hats? Well this isn't him, it's some other Zelda fan (who, it goes without saying, isn't as big a fan, or asshole, as yours truly) playing the theme to Wind Waker on a guitar, accordion, some glasses, a baking pan, a little drum, two different kinds of skinflute, and maybe some other stuff. And in even more exciting news, this article, according to my latest tally, makes two Zelda-themed posts today! *alarm going off* Oh, you know what that sound means -- one of you lucky readers wins a prize! And today's prize is....getting to call 911 -- my apartment's on fire.
Thanks to Tony, a one-man band with more groupies than you can shake a drum stick at. Or a thigh.
Jan 15 2009 Delicious Light: A Gummi Bear Chandelier
Artist YaYa Chou made a chandelier by stringing gummi bears together because, dammit, lamps should be functional AND delicious.
Hit the jump for a closeup and a gummi bearskin rug.
Continue Reading " Delicious Light: A Gummi Bear Chandelier "
Jan 15 2009 Obama's Inauguration In LEGO Form
LEGOLAND California has a new scene on display from now until Memorial Day -- the 56th Presidential Inauguration featuring Barack Obama and a thousand other plastic figurines that only slightly resemble who they're supposed to!
More than one-thousand mini-figures have been created out of thousands of LEGO bricks to be a part of the festivities. Mini-figures include President-elect Obama and his family, Vice President-elect Joseph Biden and Jill Biden, President George Bush and First Lady Laura Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and Lynn Cheney along with former President George Bush Sr. and Barbara Bush. Other mini-figures depicting ceremony participants include: Senator Dianne Feinstein, Dr. Rick Warren, Aretha Franklin, John Williams and performers Itzhak Perlman, Yo-Yo-Ma, Gabriela Montero, Anthony McGill, the Unites States Marine Band, the San Francisco Boys Chorus and the San Francisco Girls Chorus. Park guests can also find Oprah Winfrey in the crowd witnessing this momentous event...
Wow, sounds like some real eye-candy. Too bad I'm going to the actual inauguration. Look for me -- I'll be the one carrying the 'Geekologie Writer In 2011' sign. I know, I was drunk when I got them printed.
Obama's Inauguration, in Legos [themeparkinsider]
Thanks to Bryan, who, for the tip, gets a spot in my cabinet. My liquor cabinet. HIYO! Kidding Bryan, hands off my booze.
Jan 15 2009 Star Wars Plot Retold By Girl Who Has Never Seen A Whole Film, Only 'Bits And Pieces'
This is the plot of the original Star Wars trilogy as told by some chick who has never seen them all the way through and has no idea what the f*** is going on. I highly recommend watching it. Joe Nicolosi, the maker of the film, even added some great animations to spice things up a bit. But thankfully, it's still not too spicy -- my o-ring is fragile like a vase.
Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) [vimeo]
Thanks to Matt and chris, who recite the dialog from all three movies word for word. Backwards. While juggling. Ewoks.
Jan 15 2009 R.I.P. Ricardo Montalban, Patrick McGoohan
Ricardo Montalban and Patrick McGoohan have both passed away.
Ricardo was best known for his roles as Mr. Roarke on television's Fantasy Island and as Khan, the best Star Trek villain ever. He was 88.
Patrick McGoohan played Number 6 in the 1960's spy/trippy-ass show, The Prisoner. He was 80.
Thankfully, I was raised by parents that exposed me to such movies and shows which, unfortunately at the time, I thought were stupid. Only with older age did I realize the error of my youth and see just how filled with awesome they actually were. Thanks mom and dad -- and R.I.P. Ricardo and Patrick, you will be missed.
Hit the jump for a video of each in action, Ricardo as Khan, and Patrick as Number 6.
Continue Reading " R.I.P. Ricardo Montalban, Patrick McGoohan "
Jan 15 2009 Somebody Please Make Me One: A Zelda 'Link To The Past' Cross Stitch Overworld Map
It doesn't even have to be 'A Link To The Past' themed. It could be any Zelda, I don't care. I love them all. It took stitcher Servotron four long months to complete this map of the overworld from the SNES classic. As you can see, it's awesome and belongs in a museum. Or shrine -- the Geekologie Writer's Shrine to Zelda And The Pretty Girl Who Lives Across The Street That I'm Always Too Afraid To Talk To But Whose Name Is Karen. It takes up the better half of my closet. So far it consists of: a Zelda poster, all the games, and some of Karen's trash, including, but not limited to, a utility bill (that's how I know her name).
Hit the jump for more cross stitchy goodness, including maps of Oracle of Ages, Link's Awakening, and Super Mario 3. Now get crafting!
Jan 15 2009 Own Every Famicom Game Ever Made
Own a Famicom? Want to own all 1,051 officially released games for less than $7 a pop? Well head on down to the Mandarake Complex in Japan and pick those suckers up for only 650,000 yen ($6,500).
Many people who pass by the Mandarake Complex stop for a few minutes, especially with friends or loved ones to reminisce about games they used to own or how they'd love to buy the whole collection.
Now you can! So do it. Then make wallets out of all the crappy games and send me one. Also, I think my mom still has my childhood rattail in an envelope somewhere if you're interested in that. I'll even throw in all my baby teeth if the price is right.
Entire Famicom collection going for only 650,000 yen! [destructoid]
Thanks to MoD, who saved himself $6,500 and downloaded an emulator.
Jan 14 2009 I'll Take Three, Please: USB Hooter Heaters
I really don't have too much more information on these except they're USB powered boob burners. I think they cost this much: 1,980円. I dunno, they freaking heat your hoo-hoo's, what more do you want from me? Wait a....also, they're a fire hazard. Yes, very dangerous. Funny story, ladies -- I was born with naturally warm hands. And also, a nipple on my back. Too much information?
Product Site
and
Boob Warmer! [rinkya]
Thanks to Laurel and ClaMs, who keep their breasts warm the way God intended, with good old fashioned lightning.
Jan 14 2009 Australian Fixes Plasma TV With Baseball Bat
NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW, DUE TO LANGUAGE.
This video is so full of win I don't even know where to start. But I'll try. First of all, beating the shit out of a TV with a baseball bat is just awesome. Also, humping it against the wall is cool too. And to make matters even more rad, there's a pair of chicks with Australian accents arguing in the background the whole time. Which, combined with the beating of the television, really turned me on. And let me tell you: the guy they're arguing about, Simon (who the one emphatically claims she doesn't give a shit about), must be pretty freaking special for them to ignore the epic repair going down in the next room.
How To Repair Your Plasma TV With a Baseball Bat (NSFW) [gizmodo]
Thanks to Nathan, who once fixed his DVD player with a hockey stick but had to spend two minutes in the penalty box for high-sticking.
Jan 14 2009 What Did I Just Type?: A Klingon Keyboard
Want to make sure nobody in the office steals your keyboard? Well how about a Klingon one?
This exclusive Klingon language keyboard is based on the best selling G83-6000 series keyboards from Cherry.It is a good quality keyboard with 105 keys, PS/2 connection and is available currently in black. This keyboard will be available for delivery from mid November, but demand for this limited edition is high so reserve yours now to be the first with this exclusive model.
"Good quality", pfft, that's marketing speak for piece of shit. Why do I get the feeling somebody got a great deal on a bunch of old keyboards and retrofitted them with Klingon keys? Right, because that's exactly what happened. Get your today for about $65. Thankfully, I got mine yesterday. jIH 'oH tlhIngan chugh SoH Har wIj nach 'oH qab SoH ghajbe' leghpu' wIj penis!
Klingon Keyboard: for serious Trekkies only [dvice]
and
Klingon Translator (in case you need help translating)
Jan 14 2009 Morons Who Named Their Son Adolph Hitler Lose Their Kids To Youth And Family Services
Remember Heath and Deborah Campbell, the two failures at life that named their children Adolph Hitler, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie? Well, unsurprisingly, they've had their kids removed from the household by the New Jersey's Division of Youth and Family Services because they're freaking idiots and shouldn't have been allowed to breed in the first place.
No reason was given for why the children were removed, however, and Holland Township police chief David Van Gilson told the site they had not received any reports of abuse or negligence.
Um, naming your son Adolph Hitler IS abuse.
"They're just names, you know," Heath Campbell told the Easton Express-Times in December. "Yeah, they (the Nazis) were bad people back then. But my kids are little. They're not going to grow up like that."
However, Heath reportedly denies the Holocaust and their home is decorated with swastikas.
Real smooth there, Heath, real smooth. Now if you'll excuse me, I've just been informed your nuts won a date with my tire iron. And guess what -- you're paying.
Report: Child named Adolf Hitler removed from home in New Jersey [nydailynews]
Thanks to Shaggy, who, despite my convincing, wouldn't name his son Thundercats.
Jan 14 2009 Highly Questionable Guitar: The Wangcaster
Want to jam out on the guitar and look like you're stroking a giant member at the same time? Yeah, me neither. Unless you said yes first, in which case, DO I!
Wangcaster
via
Time to dumb down the guitar [splicetoday]
Thanks to Andrew, who had a Gibson Flying Vagina but set it on fire at a concert.
Jan 14 2009 Cool!: Massive Underground Ant Colony
You ever wonder what an underground ant colony looks like but were always too afraid the rascally bastards would escape if you bought an ant farm? Well fear not, little girl, that's what nature shows were made for. In this episode, a bunch of assholes pour 10 tons of cement down an ant hole and then dig in the ground around it to show off its underlying shape and size. It's amazing! If you only have a couple free seconds to watch, skip to about 1:15 to start the good stuff. But if you have a couple free minutes to watch....screw the video, meet me in the supply closet.
Thanks to Dan, who has termites in his pants but thankfully doesn't have a peg-penis. Still -- morning wood, Dan, be careful.
Jan 14 2009 26 Years Later, Man Solves Rubik's Cube
It took Graham Parker 26 years to finally solve the Rubik's Cube he bought back in 1983. If you can't tell by the picture, he's really proud of himself. Kind of reminds me of the first time I ate a 72-oz steak and got my picture on the wall.
'I cannot tell you what a relief it was to finally solve it,' the 45-year-old from Portchester, Hampshire, said. 'It has driven me mad over the years - it felt like it had taken over my life.
'I have missed important events to stay in and solve it and I would lie awake at night thinking about it.'I have had wrist and back problems from spending hours on it but it was all worth it. When I clicked that last bit into place and each face was a solid colour, I wept.'
Wow, Graham, so you're a little crybaby, huh? Now I'm not saying there's ever a time when a person should just accept their own mental inadequacies and bail on a project, but damnit Graham, that time was 25½ years ago.
Man takes 26 years to solve Rubik's Cube [metro]
Thanks to Praveen, who can solve a Rubik's in under a minute using either the "hammer" or "new stickers" methods.
Jan 14 2009 Mmmm, Delicious Sleep: The Hamburger Bed
The Hamburger bed (which is actually a cheeseburger) is a round bed that looks like a hamburger and has a Facebook fan page. I was going to become a fan, but decided I'd probably end up stalking that delicious bitch and that would bad. So, instead, I'm going to make my own taco bed.
UPDATE: So I had this weird dream about being a giant last night and, f***, I think I ate my pillows.
Hit the jump for a few more shots and a link to the burger's Facebook page. And, while you're at it, friend me, ladies.
Continue Reading " Mmmm, Delicious Sleep: The Hamburger Bed "
Jan 13 2009 No Need To Apply, Folks, I've Got This In The Bag: Austrialia Posts My Dream Job
Australia's Queensland state is looking to hire a "Great Barrier Reef Island Caretaker" at a rate of $105,000 (US) for six-months of service. What kind of service?
The "island caretaker" would be expected to stroll the white sands, soak up the sun, snorkel the reef, "maybe clean the pool" -- and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.
The winner, who will stay rent-free in a multimillion-dollar three-bedroom beach home complete with pool and golf cart, must be an excellent communicator and be able to speak and write in English.
F*** yes, I can do some of those things!
The job, according to the Daily Telegraph, seems too good to be true -- work 12 hours a month for six months while carrying out such duties as feeding turtles, watching whales and writing a blog.
The Daily Telegraph reported 850,000 people clicked on the site within the first 24 hours, but as of As of 11 a.m. EST, the Web site for job-seekers had been taken down.
Don't even bother, folks, this job was made for me. And I hacked the application site, so you can pretty much forget about it. However, now I'M accepting applications for a few lucky ladies to join me. Applicants must be able to blog, create photo diaries, and video updates. Also, feed turtles and keep a secret.
Australia Offers 'Best Job in World' On Paradise Island [foxnews]
Thanks to Bryan and Michael, who can come if they agree to feed themselves to sharks while my female crew takes pictures.
Jan 13 2009 Zelda Theme A Capella: One Man, Four Hats
Zelda: I want to do her. And her video games are one of the few reasons I wake up every morning (that and writing for all you lovely people). Anyway, this is an a capella and violin version of the Zelda theme by a guy named Diwa de Leon.
This is my own rendition of the themes from Legend of Zelda game composed by Koji Kondo. Most of my picks came from Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past originally for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES).
Awesome. And if that didn't give you goosebumps, well, you're obviously not a hat lover.
Youtube
Thanks to fabian, jackie, and Arran, who love Zelda almost as much as I do, but can't have her because I already called dibs. And also, shotgun -- I hate riding in the back.
Jan 13 2009 British Goverment Designs Questionable Logo
The UK's Office of Government Commerce (OGC) was recently rebranded by London design firm FHD because governments love pissing away money on things that don't really matter that much. Except this rebranding (and subsequent new logo) was totally worth it!
"The proposed version, which you have sent over, has been shared with staff, and is now going through final technical stages. It is true that it caused a few titters among some staff when viewed on its side, but on consideration we concluded that the effect was generic to the particular combination of the letters 'OGC' - and is not inappropriate to an organisation that's looking to have a firm grip on government spend!"
I didn't even bother reading that, and you probably shouldn't have either, because the only thing that matters is that the new logo looks like a guy holding his pecker if you turn it 90-degrees clockwise. More jerking off: just what the government needs.
Hit the jump to see a slightly NSFW picture that I conveniently turned for you, that way you don't have to strain your neck or break your monitor to see it.
Continue Reading " British Goverment Designs Questionable Logo "
Jan 13 2009 Vroom Vroom!: Water Faucet With A Shifter
This is a water faucet with a shifter. Because, let's face it, regular faucets just aren't fast enough. The shifter controls the volume of water flowing, and is completely unnecessary. Still, it looks cool. It's just not practical. Now put a sink in a car -- THEN we'd be talking. That reminds me, did I ever tell you the one about the hooker I picked up that refused to use my complimentary hand-sanitizer? Let's just say you won't see her walking the streets anymore! However, you may see her in Davy Jones' locker. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he opens it at school tomorrow!
Shifter faucet lets you change gears as you do the dishes [dvice]
Jan 13 2009 Uh-Oh: SWAT Team Called On FPS Gamers
A couple of Danish gamers (Danishers), got the SWAT team called because they were playing a first person shooter too loud one night. Thankfully, they weren't rocking any Wiimote-gun mods.
As far as we can make out from this report, two young men from Valby near Copenhagen were giving it some stick on a large flatscreen telly with the volume cranked up, prompting residents in their apartment block to suspect someone had been shot.
Cue rapid SWAT intervention, with the area sealed off and heavily-armed officers using megaphones to order the pair to surrender. The two apparently came quietly, and suffered nothing more than a temporary cuffing while police ascertained that the only danger posed was to the neighbourhood's peace and quiet.
First of all, "giving it some stick" means something completely different in my neck of the woods. And secondly, I can relate to these guys because I've often had the cops called for "having loud sex late at night". They're called adult films you idiots!
Danish SWAT team surrounds PlayStation shoot-'em-up [theregister]
Thanks to Richie-con-carnie, who once had the fire department called because he set a lover on fire. He's just that hot.
Jan 13 2009 Theater Can Be Fun: Real Life Super Mario
This is a piece of Japanese black theater in which people dressed in all black do a bunch of crazy shit that looks awesome. In this case, reenact some Super Mario action. I highly recommend checking it out. And for those of you that can't watch at videos at work, well, freaking quit already. You're under appreciated anyways.
Thanks to Arran, who did the exact same thing for the first level in Contra, but the theater burnt down before he could perform. I'm sure it would have been awesome, Arran.
Jan 13 2009 Over And Out: LEGO Making Digital Cameras, Walk Talkies For Children, Adults Like Me
Modular plastic god LEGO has "teamed with Digital Blue to bring out a line of digital cameras, PMPs (portable media players), and walkie talkies for children". Dropping sometime this summer, the devices will run $19 - $60 and not be made of actual LEGO blocks. They'll look like it though. And looking, my friends, is half the battle. Touching is the other, trickier half.
Lego announces line of digital cameras, PMPs, etc. for your teeny human friends [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, who once convinced a model to let him take nude pictures of her with an alleged LEGO camera. It was just a castle set.
Jan 13 2009 President-Elect Barack Obama Plays Wii
That's right folks, the soon-to-be president is rocking a Wii. And thank goodness too, because in an earlier interview Barack claimed the last video game he'd played was Pong. So yeah, whew.
Barack Obama reportedly said he's better at the Wii version of bowling than he was at the real thing while on the campaign trail in Pennsylvania last year.This knowledge is courtesy of a passing reference Thursday by a New York Times blogger, who buried it in his last paragraph, unaware that the Wii news, rather than Obama's (accurate) prediction that Florida would win college football's championship game, would light up the Internets the next day.
So, Barack, maybe you could add me to your friends list. Then our Wii Miis could parade together. That would be fun, wouldn't it? Also, quick question: are you man enough to play wrist-strapless? Because I am. Isn't that right, Superficial Writer? Ha, your TV was a piece of shit anyways.
Barack Obama's family gets a Wii video game system; so what does his Mii look like? [chicagotribune]
Thanks to Lisa, who is chock-full of Wii win.
Jan 12 2009 Soiled Pants: The World's Scariest Hiking Trail
And that, my friends, is why I never leave the house.
Youtube
Thanks to The free faller, who took one wrong step.
Jan 12 2009 Oh My God A New Sex Toy Thingy For Guys
The Real Touch may look like a torture device (and may, in fact, BE a torture device), but is allegedly the latest advancement in solitary male pleasure. Just look at that thing -- reminds me of the time my penis got run over by a Sherman tank. I'm sure it's safe though. After all, it was designed and "thoroughly tested" by a NASA engineer.
It's a computer-controlled "stimulation" device that uses specially encoded content to bring a sort of virtual-reality experience to, um, a certain member. Using a host of technologies, the futuristic-looking computer peripheral simulates motion, adjusts temperature and provides lubrication. The encoding is deciphered by a custom Windows Media Player plugin.
Basically you plug the unit's USB cable into your computer, plug your unit into the unit, and presto!: it mimics the feelings you'd experience if you were actually banging the chick in the porno and not sitting at a computer desk sobbing into a stained gym sock.
The Real Touch is available now for $150. And, if you get the chance AND ARE NOT AT WORK NSFW NSFW NSFW you HAVE TO go to the official website and watch the video of the chick explaining the device. It was....something.
NSFW NSFW NSFW Official Website NSFW NSFW NSFW
via
The sickest gadget DVICE saw in Vegas [dvice]
Thanks to Rachel, whose lucky man doesn't need a Real Touch.
Jan 12 2009 Girl Sends 14,528 Text Messages In A Month
Reina Hardesty, 13, sent 14,528 text messages last month alone. That's a lot. I wonder if she has carpal tunnel. Or really swollen thumbs.
The online AT&T statement ran 440 pages.
"First, I laughed. I thought, 'That's insane, that's impossible,' " the 45-year-old dad said. "And I immediately whipped out (my junk and) the calculator to see if it was humanly possible." He found it was - barely.It works out to 484 text messages a day, or one every two minutes of every waking hour.
Luckily, Hardesty has a phone plan that allows unlimited texting for $30 a month. Otherwise, he estimates, he would have owed AT&T $2,905.60 at a rate of 20 cents per message.
The average number of monthly texts for a 13- to 17-year-old teen is 1,742, according to a Nielsen study of cellphone usage.
Wow. I can remember (two months ago) when I had to upgrade from 1,500 texts a month to unlimited because I kept going over. Now before you pass judgment, let me explain: I'm mad freaking popular! Just kidding, text sex. No, not with myself! With myself :(
THIS KID'S A TEXT MANIAC [nypost]
Jan 12 2009 Move Over Bacon-Cheese Roll, There's A New Heartstopping Sherriff In Town: The Bacon Explosion Will Kill You Dead
HIT THE JUMP TO SEE THE DELICIOUS BACON-EXPLOSION MAKING PROCESS!
If you thought the bacon-cheese roll was bad, you need to check out the Bacon Explosion. This bacon-y treat is so dangerously delicious it'll make your freaking heart explode and still have your corpse begging for a second helping. It's basically a bacon weave made out of a pound of bacon, filled with 2 pounds of Italian sausage and another pound of bacon. And, if you can't tell by the way I'm ogling my monitor, it's making me amorous. I think it's time for another haiku.
Bacon ExplosionI want you in me badly
Call an ambulance
And that, my friends, is how you woo your dinner. To the bedroom my bacon-y goddess -- it's time to pork!
Hit the jump for a bunch of pictures of the process and a link to the in-depth recipe.
Jan 12 2009 Luke, I Am Your Mobile Drink Cart: BaR2D2
BaR2D2 is a mobile robot bartender complete with everything you need to get crunknasty and puke on yourself and everyone around you.
BaR2D2 is a radio-controlled, mobile bar that features a motorized beer elevator, motorized ice/mixer drawer, six-bottle shot dispenser, and sound activated neon lighting. The robot is driveable so you can take the party on the road! It was created in my garage using standard hand/power tools and readily available parts and materials.
Now I know he's a robot, and that I should be scared, but dammit, he serves booze -- AND plays the Zelda theme (around 1:00). So yeah, I'm having a hard time hating him. And also, tying my shoes. Laces can be so tricky sometimes.
Build A Mobile Bar - BaR2D2 [instructables]
Thanks to Manwai, who doesn't need a robotic bartender because the dude pisses moonshine. And also, to Jamie, who actually made the thing -- NOW MAKE ME ONE PLEAAAASEEE!
Jan 12 2009 Massive Stargate SG-1 LEGO Ship On eBay
You a Stargate SG-1 fan? Want a LEGO replica of the Asgard Beliskner Battle Ship? Got $3,500? Live in or around Highland Park, Illinois? Willing to drive there? If so you're in luck because eBay user fentonhardy is selling the ship of your dreams!
AFTER THREE MONTHS OF HARD WORK AND TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PIECES MY BELISKNER IS FINALLY FINISHED. FANS OF THE SHOW KNOW THAT THE BELISKNER WAS THE FLAGSHIP OF THE ASGARD FLEET IN STARGATE SG-1 UNTIL IT BURNED UP IN EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE. AFTER WATCHING THE SERIES I KNEW THAT I HAD TO BUILD THE SHIP OUT OF LEGOS, THE THE RESULT WAS A INCREDIBLY LARGE AND DETAILED SHIP THAT MEASURED FIVE FEET LONG, SIX FEET WIDE, AND TWO FEET HIGH.
DUE TO THE ENORMOUS SIZE OF THIS SHIP IT IS PICK UP ONLY
My god that guy loves to yell. Tens of thousands of pieces though -- that's a lot. But not as many as hundreds of thousands of pieces, am I right? Damn right I am. Math: I know that shit. And also, poetry. Here comes a haiku!
Massive Stargate shipMakes my penis look tiny
I won't stand by it
Damn, you just got poetried, son!
Hit the jump for several more shots and a link to the auction with a whole bunch more.
Continue Reading " Massive Stargate SG-1 LEGO Ship On eBay "
Jan 12 2009 It's So Haaaaard To Say Goodbyeeeee To Yesterdaaaaaay: The Shredder Calendar
The Chrono-Shredder is a wall calendar designed by Susanna Hertrich that shreds the days as they pass. It takes a full 24-hours to shred a date, but only 10 minutes to run a dead hooker through a wood-chipper.
The Chrono-Shredder is a device that reminds us of the preciousness of our lifetime. It represents the passing of time by shredding the days of the year - printed on a paper roll - at a slow constant rate. To shred one day takes 24 hours. There is no "off"-button. As the seconds pass by, the tattered remains of the past pile up under the device...
Neat. Holler at 'ol Susanna (who cries for no one) if you can help manufacture them. Because I need one in a bad way -- I never have any idea what day it is. All I know is we've got an election coming up -- and then Jesus' birthday! WOOT!
Hit the jump for a picture of the mess the calendar makes.
Continue Reading " It's So Haaaaard To Say Goodbyeeeee To Yesterdaaaaaay: The Shredder Calendar "
Jan 11 2009 Pixelated Beauties: I'm Just Gonna Pretend They're Naked LEGO Women, Whoo-Whoo!
NOTE: GALLERY PROBABLY NSFW.
This is a gallery of probably NSFW pixelated naked chicks by artist/photographer Jean-Yves Lemoigne. Hit the jump for an uncensored version of this pic, as well as several others. And I must say: Yow yow! They look like super sexy naked LEGO chicks, don't they? This handkerchief says yes! And also, "For The Superficial Writer's tears only". Woopsie.
Hit the jump for the steamy action that, when viewed from across the room, sort of looks like a naked chick if you squint really hard and shake your head.
Continue Reading " Pixelated Beauties: I'm Just Gonna Pretend They're Naked LEGO Women, Whoo-Whoo! "
Jan 11 2009 Crystal Covered Mercedes Is A Piece Of Crap
This is a picture of a Mercedes Benz that's been Bedazzled. It's a "customized Mercedes-Benz SL600, Luxury Crystal Benz, studded with 300,000 Swarovski crystal glass." It was on display at the recent Tokyo Auto Salon 2009 by auto-modder Garson/D.A.D. Oh, did I mention it's a monster piece of gaudy crap? It's true. Fun fact: if you squeeze a Swarovski crystal between your buttcheeks hard enough it turns into pain. Neat!
Luxury Crystal Benz at Tokyo Auto Salon 2009 [chinaview]
Thanks to Flash, who drives a moondust Bentley, but only on Sundays to and from church.
Jan 10 2009 Blue Screen Of Lust: Real Computer Pron
This is a video of some computer porn. Like computer porn in the truest sense: computer parts getting it on with one another. It really didn't do much for me, but that's probably because it's super softcore compared to a lot of the other stuff I've seen. Haha, you know what I'm talking about -- that real quadcore shit.
Thanks to Nick, who claims he doesn't find this sort of thing titillating. He's a liar.
Jan 10 2009 Barack Obama To Star In Spider-Man Comic
Did you know Barack Obama collected Spider-Man comics? I didn't. But since he is such a big fan, Marvel artists have decided to feature Barack in a special inaugural issue.
Mr Obama's fan status was revealed by his campaign team, who released 10 little-known facts about the Democrat. "Right at the top of that list was he collected Spider-Man comics"
In the six-page story, an impostor poses as the new president on inauguration day in a dubious attempt to cop a ride in the new presidential limo. That's when Spidey has to swing in and bust the proverbial web.
When an imposter turns up, Spider-Man leaps into action, greeting Mr Obama with the words: "Hiya, prez-elect! Loved ya in the debates."
Hiya, prez-elect? Loved ya in the debates? WTF, Spiderman? Next time I think it's best if you just just keep your mouth closed. And also, the zipper of that costume -- I think I saw your Spidey-bits.
Obama to star in Spider-Man comic [bbcnews]
Thanks to Jennaiii and Canoboy, who are immune to spider bites because they were both bit by black widows in utero.
Jan 9 2009 New Presidential Limo Ready For Action Jan 20
CLICK HERE FOR FULL SIZE IMAGE
Remember the new presidential limo that Cadillac designed to be PEW PEW proof? Well it's been approved for use starting January 20th and is jam-packed with all kinds of exciting features like extra presidential blood (I'm not kidding) and 8-inch thick (me too, ladies) doors that weigh as much as a 757's cabin door. I thought it was funny the driver side window is the only one that goes down and even it only 3-inches (me too, ladies) to "pay a toll or talk with secret service agents running alongside". Pay a toll? Get freaking real! I know the picture is small, so click here to see the full size image and read all those little words. Then, read my lips: No. new. tickets. Seriously, I'm already driving on a suspended license. Shhhhhh!
Inside the Rocket-Proof Obamamobile [gizmodo]
Thanks to Pat and Vossk, who allegedly both banged hookers in the back of this thing while it was being built.
Jan 9 2009 TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN: Stupid Kid Gets Wii For Christmas, Doesn't Deserve It
TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN, SERIOUSLY. This is a video of some kid getting wiidiculous after he opens a Wii on Christmas. And let me tell you: based on his behavior, I would have taken that shit right back to the store. But in all seriousness kid, your parents don't love you. Don't believe me? Where was your Wii on Christmas 2006? 2007? Exactly.
NOTE: To everyone else that didn't get a Wii until this Christmas, I'm sure it was just a supply shortage issue.
Thanks to Edgar (aka the-iguana) and Sarah, who hope the box was filled with coal almost as much as I do.
Jan 9 2009 Obama Requests Extension For Analog TV Shutdown. Confused Grandparents Rejoice, But Don't Really Know What's Happening.
President-elect Barack Obama requested Congress extend the analog television cut-off date because inadequate funding and flaws in the converter box program. You know, because a bunch of people are stupid. And dumb. Mad dumb.
John Podesta, co-chair of the Obama-Biden transition team, requested that "the cut-off date (February 17th) for analog signals should be reconsidered and extended". The letter was sent this Thursday to the chairs and ranking Republicans on the House Energy & Commerce Committee and Senate Commerce Committee.
Apparently there is some concern that the inbreds will freak out and blame the new president when their picture-boxes stop working shortly after his inauguration. So better to postpone the shutdown and educate the yokels before things get out of hand. Uh-oh, and speaking of getting out of hand -- where'd my penis go?
Jan 9 2009 Wife Cheats On Husband, They Separate, Man Demands Return Of Kidney Or Compensation
Doctor Richard Batista married his wife Dawnell in 1990 and donated a kidney to save her life in 2001. Since then, the whore of a hobag cheated on him and filed for divorce. And now Richard, like any normal person, wants his freaking kidney back (or $1.5 million in compensation).
He told reporters at his lawyer's office in Long Island, New York, that going public was a last resort.
"There is no deeper pain that you can ever express than betrayal from somebody who you love and devoted your life to," he said.But divorce lawyers say a donated organ is not a marital asset to be divided.
Wow, I feel you Richard. And as a man who's going through a divorce himself, I've got to say: thank God I never gave the bitch an organ. Or a kid. Haha, I'm free!
Divorce man 'wants kidney back' [bbcnews]
Thanks to Pat and Jennaiii, who know the only organ you should ever give your wife isn't internal. Unless you've been swimming for a long time in cold water, in which case, hey, it happens to me too.
Jan 9 2009 Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale
The Toilet Scale was designed by Haikun Deng so you can weigh yourself while using the john. Personally, I like to sit down while I pee. I'm not sure why I just shared that. Anway, the only problem is you have to make sure your feet aren't touching the ground while it's weighing, or it won't work. So you have to kick your legs out in front of you. Which, let's be honest, we all do anyways. One time I kicked the towel-bar off the wall! This scale is perfect for determining the weight of turds so you can brag to your friends about them later. Wow, a six pounder -- somebody call Guinness! Seriously, I think this warrants a free beer.
Hit the jump for another picture and a little comic of a rabbit sitting on a toilet, in case you've always wanted to see that.
Continue Reading " Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale "
Jan 9 2009 The Burger King Whopper Sacrifice: Delete 10 Of Your Facebook Friends For A Free Whopper
Burger King has developed a Facebook application called Whopper Sacrifice that rewards users for deleting friends. You just delete 10 friends from Facebook, and TA-DA -- a coupon for a free Whopper. Unfortunately, the deal only works once per Facebook account and makes you look like a heartless dickbag with a turd for a heart that sucks at life because you'd trade your friendship for a piece of meat in your mouth. Can you tell I've already lost most of my friends? I'm bitter.
Thanks Kenny, de-friend me and I'll kill you.
Jan 9 2009 I Don't Know....The Evolution Of Robots
This is a German commercial for something I have no idea what is (saturn.de?) that shows the evolution of technology in robotic form. It confused me in my pants. I definitely felt a little twitter at the part with the t-rex, but the rest of it just scared me. And the chick from Tron at the end? Fine, I'll admit it: boner. It was her voice, I swear!
Thanks to pirhan and ITSELF, who know the only good robot is a dead one. Or one that looks like a dinosaur and has realistic-feeling skin.
Jan 9 2009 Oooooh, Gamey: The Joystick Coat Rack
HangUP Arcade Coat Hooks by Surface Tension are made out of real arcade joysticks and buttons and conveniently store your coat or jacket up and out of bong's way.
Coming sometime early this year, they'll be available in 3UP and 4UP versions. You can pick your own joystick ball colors too. The standard models will ship in black walnut wood, but they're happy to take custom orders for other materials too.
Alternatively, go apeshit at the arcade and rip off a joystick and a couple buttons. Then, screw those bitches to a piece of plywood, and presto: junk. But not in your trunk -- in your foyer. Was that too sexy?
arcade joystick coat hangers: control your clutter [technabob]
Thanks to Riki Kiki Taco, who doesn't need a coat rack because she only wears win.
Jan 8 2009 New Space Toilet Ready To Drop (!) In 2014
The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) believe they've solved the age-old problem of how to shit in space.
The current ISS toilet is a Russian-built, western-style commode that sucks waste away like a vacuum cleaner. Use of that toilet requires practice before heading to space, particularly because an improperly seated user has the potential to create a messy situation.
Clean and easy to use, the envisioned space toilet is designed to be worn like a diaper around the astronaut's waist at all times. Sensors detect when the user relieves him or herself, automatically activating a rear-mounted suction unit that draws the waste away from the body through tubes into a separate container. In addition to washing and drying the wearer after each use, the next-generation space toilet will incorporate features that eliminate unwanted sound and odor.
No offense, JAXA, but that sounds a little like overkill. Here's a much simpler and cost effective solution: shit yo pants! Then put them in a bag, and throw them out the nearest air-lock. Extra points for hitting a passing UFO.
Next-generation space toilet ready in five years [pinktentacle
Thanks to abovedefault and Praveen, who don't need vacuum-diapers because they digest everything. That's right, everything. Even gum.
Jan 8 2009 Learn: How To Excel In A Job Interview
And that, dear reader, is how I became The Geekologie Writer.
Thanks to Tim, whose special skills aren't just limited to a 20-inch dong.
Jan 8 2009 Highly Questionable Yellow Glasses Supposed To Prevent Computer-Related Eye Fatigue
Gunnar glasses ($100 - $189!!!!!!!!!!) come in cleverly named styles like Bit Surfer, Wi-Five and El Doucherino, and are supposed to prevent the eye fatigue caused by blogging eight hours a day. That's right ladies and gentlemen....prepare to experience "Enhanced Computer Vision".
Ever wonder why your eyes get tired after staring at a PC screen for hours? Gunnar says it's because of the LCD screen's cold color temperature. According to these folks, the bluish tints your PC screen displays strains the eyes, you don't blink as much and your eyes don't hydrate.
So the yellow makes your screen look warmer, and as a result you blink more and your eyes don't get tired. Pffft, what nonsense. Your eyes get tired from staring at a computer eight hours a day BECAUSE YOU'RE STARING AT A GOTDAMN COMPUTER EIGHT HOURS A DAY. The only things worse for your eyes are reading fine print and staring at the sun. Or getting one pecked out by a parrot. F*CK YES I WEAR MY EYEPATCH WHEN I BLOG!
Jan 8 2009 Super Mario Bros. Knocked Off As Best-Selling Video Game Ever, Your Wii Mii Rejoices
That's right folks, Wii Sports is now the best-selling video game ever. And not just because it comes bundled with the Wii, but 100% because it comes bundled with the Wii.
Shocked? Don't be. Unlike most video games that can be bought at retail, Wii Sports comes bundled with the Wii hardware in every territory other than Japan and Korea. In other words, if you bought a Wii, you bought Wii Sports whether you liked it or not (chances are, you liked it). With over 45 million Wiis sold worldwide to date, it's only logical that Wii Sports would start smashing records sooner or later.
And before you brand Wii Sports a false champion due to being bundled with hardware, consider that Super Mario Bros. was also sold as a bundle with the original Nintendo Entertainment System during its mid-80's heyday.
Well hooray. More importantly, did anybody notice that I Photoshopped Mario's fingers so he's now holding up two (for second place!) instead of one? Because I did that. I also took the pinky off his other hand. Gambling debt.
Wii Sports is best-selling game ever [yahoo]
Thanks to D.K., who may or may not still attend anger management classes for all the barrel throwing.
Jan 8 2009 Wow, Just Wow: Puff The Magic Dragon-Cake
Now THAT'S what I call a freaking cake. This massive firebreathing bitch was made for some Dungeon & Dragoners for a very special feast. A feast which included, but was not limited to: mozzarella sticks and corn dogs (see gallery after jump). Now that's what I call eating like a king. Or a handsome prince! HIYO. Anyway, this amazing piece of delicious was made by Mike's Amazing Cakes. Now who else here gets the feeling Mike sold his soul to an evil sorcerer to be granted the gift of cake? You think it was worth it? I personally wouldn't want to spend eternity being force-fed cake with my asshole sewn shut, but, you know, that's just me.
Hit the jump for the gallery and a link to an even more massive Flickr stream.
Continue Reading " Wow, Just Wow: Puff The Magic Dragon-Cake "
Jan 8 2009 60% Of The Time, It Works Every Time: Anchorman's Sex Panther Cologne
I didn't really like Anchorman, but that's neither here nor there. Now you can buy officially licensed Sex Panther cologne from the movie for only $30 per 1.7-oz spray bottle. No word if it's made with real panther bits or smells like gasoline, but if I had to guess, I'd say wear Old Spice. You'll remind women of their grandfathers. And that, dear reader, will leave more chicks for me. Thanks, suckers!
Product Site
Thanks to Flickledorx, who doesn't need cologne to be flammable. The man is hot!
Jan 8 2009 The World's Smallest Automatic Weapon?
Allegedly this is the world's smallest automatic weapon. I'm pretty sure it's just some sort of automatic handgun with a monster drum magazine, but what do I know -- I'm just a guy who gets a boner holding a BB gun.
Youtube
Thanks to Andrew, who once brought a knife to a gunfight and stabbed everyone to death. Also, thanks to my brother, who PEW PEWs with the best of them.
Jan 8 2009 Whee: Watch Walmart Spread Like A Virus!
Walmart: where else can you go drink and have shopping cart races at 3 AM? Ha, besides my underground race track? Nowhere, that's where. Now click here to watch an interactive map of Walmart's virus-like growth from 1964 to 2007. As you can see, the big-box giant has been invading America like a disease for 45 years. Just imagine: if every Walmart store was actually a giant robot. We'd all be dead as shit! Now somebody get Hollywood on the phone -- I smell an Oscar.
Watching the Growth of Walmart Across America [flowingdata]
via
The Andromeda Strain [splicetoday]
Thanks to Andrew, who doesn't know anything about viruses because he's clean. Ladies? Sorry Andrew, I tried.
Jan 7 2009 ZOMG: New Toy Teaches You How To Wield 'The Force' Using Brainwaves Or Something
Oh yeah, a toy that teaches you how to utilize 'The Force'. You know, from Star Wars.
The Force Trainer (expected to be priced at $90 to $100) comes with a headset that uses brain waves to allow players to manipulate a sphere within a clear 10-inch-tall training tower, analogous to Yoda and Luke Skywalker's abilities in the Star Wars films.
First of all, being able to manipulate a ping pong ball IS IN NOT WAY analogous to Yoda and Luke Skywalker's abilities -- those dudes could throw freaking spaceships around.
A state of deep concentration is needed to achieve a Force-full effect. "When you concentrate, it activates the training remote," says Frank Adler of toymaker Uncle Milton Industries, which is creating the Trainer. "There is a flow of air that will move the (ball). You can actually feel like you are in a zone."
Deep concentration....in a zone....hmmm, that sounds familiar. Of course -- Skee-ball!
Toy trains 'Star Wars' fans to use The Force [usatoday]
Thanks to Menchi, who promises to teach me The Force just as soon as she masters it.
Jan 7 2009 6-Year Old Misses Bus, Steals Family Car, Learned To Drive Playing Grand Theft Auto
A six-year old (possibly Lil Derrick) missed the school bus and did what any responsible, education-loving tyke would do -- stole his parents' 2005 Ford Taurus and drive his damn self. It almost brings a tear to my eye. Almost. Super villains don't cry though. I ain't no little bitch!
He made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off the rural two-lane road several times before hitting an embankment and utility pole about a mile and a half from school.
The boy told police he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam video games."He was very intent on getting to school," said Northumberland County Sheriff Chuck Wilkins. "When he got out of the car, he started walking to school. He did not want to miss breakfast and PE."
Damn, what a student he must be! I think we've got a future rocket scientist on our hands here. Just kidding, he'll be locked up in no time.
6-year-old takes family car after missing bus [ajc]
Thanks to Chris and Kevin, who never stole cars to get to school because those mutherf***ers had jetpacks, yo!
Jan 7 2009 Time Flies!: An Artsy, Steampunkish Watch
Deviantartist sadwonderland went and made a steampunk styled wristwatch. While it doesn't look super steampunky, I still like the style. Hell, I'd wear it if I was a woman. Or, haha, home alone with the door locked and shades pulled tight. I'm not kidding.
This is a fancy steampunk-style wristwatch, fully functioning, with a new battery in it all ready to go!
A pair of angelic wings and decorative clock cogs frame the timepiece, and a charm chain hangs below, carrying a cog and a small victorian heart.Perfect for costuming or fancy time-travel parties!
I'm digging those wings. And you know what they say -- time flies when you're wearing a steampunk watch! What do you mean they don't say that? Well what do they say? Toy boat ten times fast? Fine! Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, toy boyt, toy boyt, toyboyt, toyboyt, toyboyt, toyboyt! Oh, now everyone in the coffee shop is looking at me funny. F*** you, people, I'm a blogger damnit!
Lestrade Watch [deviantart]
Thanks to KXHone, who doesn't need a winged watch for time to fly, just alcohol.
Jan 7 2009 Most Complained About Commercial Of 2008
This is allegedly the most complained about commercial of 2008. It's an Australian ad for Kotex U brand tampons. And, despite all feminine hygiene commercials making me die a little bit inside, I didn't think it was that bad.
Thanks to Julian for reminded me that Summer's Eve commercials are, in fact, totally awesome.
Jan 7 2009 Motorola's New Carbon-Neutral Cell Phone
Motorola unveiled what is believed to be the first carbon neutral (and sideways) cell phone at the 2009 Consumer Electronics Show this week. The W233 Renew Phone is made predominately out of recycled plastic bottles and Motorola hopes it will help the company bust a circuit all up in the environmentally friendly market segment.
Motorola said it was the world's first carbon neutral phone. As well as using recycled materials for the plastic casing, the company also pledged to offset the carbon dioxide used in manufacturing, distribution and operation of the phone through investments in renewable energy sources and reforestation.Motorola, which has lost market share by being slow to follow trends such as touchscreens and high-speed data links, also plans to showcase three different items at CES: a relatively large touchscreen tablet phone, a rugged phone, and a rechargeable cable TV remote control with a find feature.
Holy shit -- a rechargeable TV remote with a find feature! That's new and exciting! Seriously Motorola, I can see why you've been struggling. And who can get that excited about your recycled-plastic phone anyways -- it looks like the same piece of shit i was rocking three years ago (minus the lime green). Now a cell-phone manufactured out of used condoms, THAT would be something. Aural sex anyone?
Motorola phone made from recycled bottles [msnbc]
Thanks to ITSELF, who once had phone-sex with some chick at 411 and didn't even have to pay.
Jan 7 2009 Robot Is Stolen, Don't Look At Me *whistling*
Somebody went and stole a robot! Can you believe it? That's just wrong! I am outraged.
The Washington County (Oregon) Sheriff's Office said physics professor Erik Sanchez reported the theft Monday.
He said he felt sick Sunday and mistakenly left his sport utility vehicle unlocked overnight with the robot inside outside his home in the 6000 block of S.W. 205th Ave. in Aloha.The robot is 29 inches long, 19 inches high and about 23 inches wide. It is valued at $5,000 and was donated to Sanchez by the manufacturer, Parallax Incorporated, for use as a teaching tool in one of his classes. The robot is called the "Propeller Quadrover," and it is strong enough to pull a pickup truck.
What in the hell is the matter with people? Who steals a physics professor's robot? Hey, why are you looking at me like that? No, you can't take a look around my garage. WAIT, STOP! Uh, uh-oh -- I've never seen that thing before in my life!
Search is on for valuable missing robot [katu]
Thanks to Nolan, who straight up accused me of stealing that bitch.
Jan 7 2009 Casting Call For New Discovery Science Channel Game Show 'Catch It Keep It'
Remember the last time I announced a casting call for a show? Did any of you actually apply? Is 'Super Testing' on the air? Has it started yet? I have no idea, I only watch educational programming. Sexeducational programming. HIYO! Porn basically. Anyway, here's the chance for you Geekologie readers to prove yourselves, and show the billions of [fact check this] Discovery Networks Science Channel viewers what you're made of!
Producers for a Discovery Science Game show are looking for contestants. Contestants can be a gonzo engineer/scientist or just a high-energy, creative, fun, builder!
They are looking for garage warriors (builders, scientists, inventors, engineers, carpenters, welders, mechanics, architects, etc...) who love to invent new gadgets, build robots, racing power tools, weld together bizarre machines that drive, fly, climb, shoot flames or launch projectiles.This Game Show is for thinkers, dreamers and doers, who are eager to let their inner MacGyvers be seen and ready to collaborate with a team of other builders to beat the clock in order to "save" the big prize!
Holy shit, I'd be perfect for this! I can hardly wait! I'm gonna be building the coolest stuff. All LEGO too! And there's a big prize involved! I love big prizes! Well, as long as they're not in the form of penises. Oh boy, oh boy! Do you think it's gold bullion? Cold hard cash? I don't know but I can hardly wait to find out! Pick me, pick me! Oh, wait, there's more.
Consumption of alcohol prohibited during challenges.
F*** that. It might just be the booze talking, but I love booze.
Jan 7 2009 Desert Eagle Wiimote Mod For Sale On eBay
Remember last week's MP5 Wiimote-gun mod? Well here comes another -- this time in the form of a Desert Eagle. Unlike the MP, the Wiimote hasn't actually been incorporated into the gun itself, but a holster for the Wiimote has been professionally novicely glued to the bottom.
DESERT EAGLE WITH OFFICIAL MARKINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A CUSTOM Wii GUN I'VE MADE MYSELF............... IT WORKS GREAT AND LOOKS BETTER THAN ANY OTHER WII GUN OUT THERE ..I HAVENT SEEN ...WILL BE SHIPPED WITH A ORANGE TIP FOR ALL THE SAFETY MINDED PEOPLE OUT THERE. THIS IS ONE OF A KIND DONT MISS OUT !!!!!! Also this must be used with games not requiring a nunchuck. Thanks for looking and happy bidding..
My God that guy seems excited about his handiwork. The bidding starts at $20 and does not include the actual Wiimote. As of the time of this post, no bids have been placed. Which leads me to believe I'm not the only one that thinks it's mad crappy.
Hit the jump for two more pictures and a link to the auction. It's on eBaaaaaaay.
Continue Reading " Desert Eagle Wiimote Mod For Sale On eBay "
Jan 6 2009 Mmmm, Geeky Deliciousness: A Cake Gallery
As you may know, we love themed cakes here at Geekologie. Love them, love them. A lot. I mean we REALLY love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love them. I guess what I'm getting at is this: I got a little too drunk and had relations with the cake at my son's 6th birthday party. My God, you should have seen the looks of horror on all those little faces.
Hit the jump for a ton more awesomeness, including some wicked Star Wars action, a badass Super Mario Galaxy cake, and an Apple pie.
Continue Reading " Mmmm, Geeky Deliciousness: A Cake Gallery "
Jan 6 2009 Darth Vader Joins Church, Church Not Happy
In this video, somebody awesome dressed up as Darth Vader and joined the procession of the Clergy of the Lutheran Church of Iceland. You can see a couple of the members none too happy about Darth's appearance around the 0:15 mark. Sadly, they were powerless to do anything. Which proves my theory -- even God is a little wary of Vader's force-choke.
Hit the jump for another video from failblog of a highly unethical pizza delivery driver.
Continue Reading " Darth Vader Joins Church, Church Not Happy "
Jan 6 2009 IT BUUUUUURNS!: Australian Man Dies After Wife Sets His Penis On Fire, Things Go Wrong
That ain't right. You can't just go around setting a man's penis on fire while he's sleeping. I mean, what if he bee-lines it for the curtains?
Rajini Narayan, 44, is alleged to have doused her husband, Satish, with a flammable liquid while he was sleeping. When she set him alight, Mr Narayan jumped out of bed and knocked over the substance, causing the fire to spread.
Prosecutor Lucy Boord said Mrs Narayan had confessed to her neighbours, telling them she was a "jealous wife" and believed her husband was having an affair."I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else, I didn't mean this to happen," Ms Boord quoted Mrs Narayan as saying.
Hooooooooooly shit! Rajini died from the injuries sustained during the penis fire last week. Now I'm not sure how the criminal law works in Australia, but in my neck of the woods this woman would get life in prison -- provided she survive the vagina dynamiting. Think Wile E. Coyote vs. Road Runner, but the Road Runner is a beaver -- and he's packed with explosives.
Hit the jump for the "IT BUUUUUURNS!" lighter trick idiot. If you've never seen it, watch the whole thing.
Jan 6 2009 Um, Hooray?: MacWorld Keynote Highlights
Good afternoon my delicate flowers. The MacWorld keynote ended not too long ago and I am here to report the highlights of said keyish note. Unfortunately, most of the news was boring and made me flaccid.
iLife '09: iPhoto, face recognition for pictures, GPS geotagging, *yawn*, sorting options. New version of iMovie, new editing options, advanced drag-and-drop, free porn, themes. Garageband '09: new interface, learn how to play an instrument lessons ($5 a pop!)
iWork '09: who cares.
17" MacBook Pro: thinnest, lightest 17-inch laptop, 920 x 1200 display, 700:1 contrast ratio, 60% greater color gamut, alleged 8-hour battery. "It comes in one config -- $2799." 2.66GHz, 4GB RAM, 320GB hard drive."
iTunes: 10 million songs by end of the quarter, ALL DRM (digital rights management) FREE, finally. Also, $0.69 and $1.29 tiers for song purchases in addition to the regular $0.99 one. 3G downloading too! Whee!
Well folks, there you have it. I want my Pulitzer melted and sent to Cash-For-Gold. The Greenbacks, bitches, I want them!
Live from the Macworld 2009 keynote [engadget]
Jan 6 2009 Tokyoflash's Latest Bling: Is That An R75 On Your Wrist Or Do I Just Want To Do You?
Tokyoflash's first design of 2009, the R75, is now available, and you have the Geekologie Writer's personal guarantee it will get you laid.* How could it not -- it comes in three different colors, including gold! Like my teeth! It can also tell time in there different modes! F*** I'm excited!
Hour-centric mode displays the hour in digits on the lower display and minutes on the upper display, each LED representing a progression of five minutes. Perfect for when you need to know the approximate time quickly.
Minute-centric mode displays the exact minutes in digits on the lower display with the upper display representing the progression of hours using twelve LEDs.Binary is presented on the upper display only. The top line of six LEDs indicate the hour, the second line indicates minutes. To read the time in binary, refer to the example below. Binary is read from the right, the first lit LED representing the number 1. This is then doubled; 2, 4, 8, 16 and 32, a combination of these numbers representing the time in hours and minutes.
Damn do I love a watch that's hard to read. It keeps the ladies looking at your wrist longer. And that, provided you plucked the hair out of that nasty looking, potentially cancerous mole, is a good thing. R75's are available now with either blue or white LEDs for $235. Also, I'm available now for celebrity appearances and photo-ops (price inversely commensurate with drunkeness at time of booking).
*Geekologie Writer's personal guarantee not guaranteed. This coupon has no cash value.
Hit the jump for two more pictures and a link to the product page.
Jan 6 2009 MacWorld Sneak Peak: The MacBook Wheel
Well folks, MacWorld begins today and everyone some people are excited to see if Apple drops some technology bombs on the world. And boy are they! Just check out the latest in their MacBook series -- the Macbook Wheel. It replaces that pesky keyboard with a touch-friendly iPod wheel. Whee! Wheel! Note: For you paint-chippers out there this is fake and the video was made by the Onion. But my god is it a good idea. I freaking love wheels. Including, but not limited to, the one of fortune.
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard [theonion]
Thanks to Lisa, twellve, Tim, Fish and ITSELF, who all know you don't need keys to type. But you do need them to unlock doors.
Jan 6 2009 Inventor Of The Hawaiian Shirt Passes Away
Alfred Shaheen, inventor of the Hawaiian shirt, has passed away. He was 86.
"Before Shaheen came along, there was no Hawaii garment industry. There were mom and pop stores but no real modern industry," Linda Arthur, a professor of textiles and clothing at Washington State University said.
By 1959, the year Hawaii became a state, he had more than 400 employees working for him and was grossing more than $4 million a year as the major player in the islands' garment industry.
Somewhere, in paradise, Jimmy Buffet is face down in a pitcher of margarita. He hasn't even touched his cheeseburger.
R.I.P. Alfred Shaheen, I'll be rocking my favorite Hawaiian this weekend in your honor.
Inventor of the Hawaiian shirt dies [metro]
Thanks to Julian, who can get leid even without a flowery shirt.
Jan 6 2009 ZOMG, Just Like In Back To The Future!: Modify Your Car To Run On Garbage
Remember how Doc Brown had modded the Delorean in Back To The Future II to run on garbage? Well now you can do the same -- and you don't even need a Delorean (although that would help with style points, see picture above)! All you need is to throw a gasifier up in your whip.
Gasification is the use of heat to transform solid biomass, or other carbonaceous solids, into a synthetic "natural gas like" flammable fuel. Through gasification, we can convert nearly any solid dry organic matter into a clean burning, carbon neutral, gaseous fuel. Whether starting with wood chips or walnut shells, construction debris or agricultural waste, the end product is a flexible gaseous fuel you can burn in your internal combustion engine, cooking stove, furnace or flamethrower.
ZOMG, it works for flamethrowers too!?! *HONK HONK -- WHOOSH!* Best commute ever! Unfortunately, I found out the hard way the unit DOES NOT operate on trailer trash. They stole my spinning hubcaps :(
Add a Mr. Fusion to your car to let it run on garbage [dvice]
Jan 5 2009 Wow, That's Devotion: An X-Box 360 Room
Some guy went and decked out his rumpus room XBox 360 style. It has everything an XBox fan would need to game their life away, including, and pretty much limited to: an Xbox 360, green paint, and a mini-fridge.
This is my Xbox 360 Room I have been working on.
TV, Xbox 360, TV Table, Surround Sound=$3000
Led's,Led Driver,Led Dimming switch = $ 170
Rug at a Department Store = $ 120
Mini Fridge = $ 108
Chairs at a Department Store = $ 100
The floor I found on closeout
I installed myself = $ 85
painted the walls and logos myself = $ 80
painted and etched the glass tables = $ 10
Playing Xbox 360 in green glow = Priceless
Wow. That's....something. Something totally freaking awesome! Oh, and you may have already seen this, as it's pretty old. So good for you if you have. You should probably be writing Geekologie. Unfortunately, I'm the one with the internet face. Better luck next time, you handsome devil you!
Youtube
Thanks to Manwai, who was going to build a PS3 room but decided on a pool instead.
Jan 5 2009 Tell Your Grandparents: VHS Is Officially Dead
Well folks, it's official: VHS is dead. Let your grandparents down easy. And also, try to hint about fumigating their place -- it smells like old people and socks in there.
Even though most of us probably thought it was already long gone, its death certificate was signed when Distribution Video Audio of Palm Harbor, Fla. -- the last major supplier of VHS tapes -- shipped the last of its salable stock. Distribution Video Audio made $20 million per year selling tons of tapes cheaply, but now the business has vanished.
*sniffle* God, it seems like only yesterday I was recording the scrambled Cinemax channel, hoping to catch a glimpse of a fuzzy boob. Ha, but it was, in fact, two days ago. Anybody wanna go through the tape with me?
RIP, VHS [msn]
Thanks to Bryan, whose dad bought 5 VCRs a few years ago because the man was smart enough to realize technology is cyclical.
Jan 5 2009 Pssst, Over Here: Cheap Knock-Off Brands
Knock-offs: they look like the real thing, but are bought out of the back of a skeezy guy's van for a quarter of the price and either break or explode within a week of purchase. Then, to make matters worse, the bastard isn't set up on the same street corner when you go to return the merchandise. What a sham! And speaking of which, I will now perform a magic trick -- Alakasham! Can you still see me? I'm supposed to be invisible. *entering women's locker room* "EEEEEEEEEEKK!!!!!!" Oh, oh shit.
Hit the jump for a few more knock-offs, including a chicken wearing the Colonel's tie.
Continue Reading " Pssst, Over Here: Cheap Knock-Off Brands "
Jan 5 2009 Mmmm, Piggy: Bacon (Gum)Balls
Let's face it, women find nothing hotter than kissing a man whose breath smells like bacon. It not only indicates great wealth, but a refined palate and good sense of meat. So, before your next match of tonsil tennis, how about hitting a few bacon balls? Two 22-balled tins will set you back $7. Alternatively, this 3-balled ten will set you back $40 (extra for really freaky deaky shit). Book soon ladies, my evenings fill up quick.
Thanks to Manwai, who once blew a 40-gumball bubble and used it to float to Baconland.
Jan 5 2009 Little Jellyfish Cheats Death, Death Is Pissed
So apparently there's this little jellyfish creature (Turritopsis nutricula, a form of hydrozoa) that doesn't ever die. Biology is beyond me, so I'll let somebody else do the talking while I make a sandwich have a sandwich made for me.
What these little folks do is they revert completely to a sexually immature, colonial stage after they reach sexual maturity. They're even cooler than that. When they're young they've got only several tentacles, but at a mature stage, they get to 80-90 of them.
They're able to return to polyp stage due to a cell change in the external screen (Exumbrella), which allows them to bypass death. As far as scientists have been able to find out, this change renders the hydrozoa virtually immortal.
Did that make any sense? I didnt' bother reading it, but I think it had something to do with being able to regenerate your arm like a starfish. *sawing through bone*
UPDATE: Um, so does anybody have the number for Luke Skywalker's doctor?
Meet the world's only immortal animal [zmescience]
Thanks to Emile, who only wants to live long enough to see a hovercar.
Jan 5 2009 Conceptual Hydrogen Vehicle Is Questionable To Say The Least, Stupid To Say A Little More
The Ozone is a conceptual hydrogen fuel cell vehicle that looks like a coffee can. I can only assume it's the brainchild of a design student that stayed up all night snorting Adderall the day before their semester-project was due.
The vehicle works on hydrogen powered fuel cells and looks futuristic in every way possible. The body is encased between two giant wheels controlled by separate motors which are powered by fuel cells, though this two seater looks more like a design picked straight out of fantasy due to its semi transparent glass casing and controlled by joystick.
Eh. Nice try, budding designer, but if this thing is so futuristic, where are the rockets? Things are going to float in the future, not roll. It's time for a change. I mean, shit's been rolling since Ug pushed his cave-bitch down a hill. Now for your homework assignment I want you to go home and watch some Jetsons.
Ozone Hydrogen Powered Car with 2 Giant Wheels [tuvie]
Thanks to Carlos, who once made love to a chick with a jetpack on because he likes to live dangerously.
Jan 5 2009 Geekologie Writer's Junk Spotted On G-Maps
Just in case you were curious, that's it. :O
Thanks to TetterkeT for reminding me I passed out on the football field that night. Haha, the visiting team drew on my face with Sharpie!
Jan 4 2009 The Bigger The Better: Artist Makes Fat Cars
Erwin Wurm is the artist responsible for making this series of 'fat cars'. Similarly, Ronald McDonald, Wendy and The Burger King are the artists responsible for making my series of 'fat ex-girlfriends'.
Hit the jump for three more obese autos.
Continue Reading " The Bigger The Better: Artist Makes Fat Cars "
Jan 4 2009 Sexy Pole-Dancing LEGO Minifig Works For Tips In The Everfrost Mountain Brewery
High atop the snow-covered peak of Everfrost Mountain the elves brew a wicked batch of grog -- a grog so powerful it can etch diamonds and make a Goron's pee burn. I'm telling you, that stuff will even put hair on an infant's chest. It's true, look at my newborn. Just kidding, that's a Furby. Anyway, this is a LEGO brewpub built by a guy named Andrew. And what brewpub is complete without a pole-dancing LEGO minifig? None. And this particular dancer is powered by a 9v motor, so she spins about the pole like a champ -- in both directions (video after the jump)! Which is a lot more than I can say for the last stripper I saw -- she tried to slide down the pole upside down and fell on her neck! Needless to say, I took my dollar back while she was dazed.
Hit the jump for a short video of Plastica doing her thing on the pole.
Continue Reading " Sexy Pole-Dancing LEGO Minifig Works For Tips In The Everfrost Mountain Brewery "
Jan 4 2009 Russian Roulette: The Nokia Gun Phone
This is a conceptual Nokia gun phone made by somebody in Photoshop. It's fake. Mad fake. Faker than the ID I use to buy booze (I'm 16). Because no phone company has the gigantor cojones it would take to manufacture an actual handgun-phone. And I think we can all agree, that's a fundamental problem with today's society. That's why I outsourced the manufacture of a gun-phone to a friend of mine. And I've got to tell you, this shit looks legit. *BRRRING* Oh, if you'll excuse me -- I need to take this. *BANG* Oh. Uh-oh. Listen, I've gotta run to the vet real quick.
Gun Phone Concept [uberphones]
Jan 3 2009 Questionable: Fridge Door Can Caddies
What the hell is a Fridge Door Can Caddy? It's a piece of molded plastic that holds four cans vertically in the refrigerator door so you can save space. And, as an added bonus, it comes with a handle so you can grab your brew and run should the cops come to raid your meth lab (I'm on to you!). $10 gets you a set of two. Also, $10 to anyone who can explain why there's a 3:1 soda to beer ratio in the picture. Who the hell only takes one beer somewhere? Well, except the shower.
Beer Can Door Caddy Might Just Save the Environment From Beer Fridges [uberreview]
Jan 3 2009 It's A Trap!: Homemade Star Wars Clocks
Etsy seller YOUgNeek is selling custom-made Star Wars clocks for $90 a pop. I've got the feeling it's a trap, but I can't prove it. Just to be safe, I paid for mine with marked Monopoly money.
This beautiful clear and chrome Sterling and Noble clock boasts 12 vintage classic Action Fleet Micro Machine battleships and vessels. They are finished in a pewter color. Each Star Wars Starships and Fighters clock is YOU gNeek and one-of-a-kind. If you have some favorite ships or vehicles in mind, let me know so I can include them if I have them in stock. Time to do battle! Requires one AA battery (not included - I use to include them but it made shipping more expensive a couple times).
Also the middle Star Wars label in the middle of the clock is optional and can also look different (it is cut out of books or boxes etc and layered with a resin-type coating).
Wow, $90 for a couple Micro Machines and a piece of cereal box glued to a silver wall penis. Talk about a racket. And speaking of rackets: racquetball. I own at that shit. Ha, I did type wall penis up there, didn't I? It's my prerogative! You think nobody gets drunk this early on a Saturday morning but you're wrong! Freud, I slipped! Now gimme kissies you little coke whore you!
Star Wars clock, proof that The Force is not with you [dvice]
Jan 3 2009 WTF Was That!?!: Deep-Sea Siphonophore
This is a video of a deep-sea (770-meters to be exact) siphonophore doing its thing. What the f*** is a siphonophore?
...an eerily fantastic creature that appears to be a single, large organism, but which is actually a colony of numerous individual jellyfish-like animals that behave and function together as a single entity. The individual units, called zooids, all share the same genetic material and each perform a specialized role within the colony. The best-known siphonophore is the poisonous Portuguese Man o' War.
Mmmm, I can almost taste the wasabi and soy sauce from here.
Siphonophore: Deep-sea superorganism [pinktentacle]
Thanks to Jack, a personal friend who knows I'm a sucker for new sushi.
Jan 2 2009 D+Caf Strips Detect Amount Of Caffeine In Your Coffee, Ur+In Strips Coming Soon
Some people drink decaf coffee. These people, given normal coffee, will go apeshit, bouncing off the walls and breaking things. Given espresso, they will spontaneously human combust and create a black (coffee) hole that will smell like fresh roasted beans and suck many an oblivious barista into its odoriferous depths. That's why it's important they never drink regular coffee or a Red Bull. To keep the rest of the world safe from these people, somebody developed D+Caf strips.
D+caf test strips are simply little strips of paper coated with antibodies that tell if you a beverage is properly decaffeinated, turning up blue lines if it's got more than 20mg of caffeine per 6oz serving. Even modern decaffeination procedures can't remove every single trace of caffeine, but between 20 and 30 percent of coffee and tea drinks "contain unacceptably high levels of caffeine" according to the strip's maker, Silver Lakes Research.
A box of 20 strips costs $10 and I really wish they were Roof+e strips instead because the Superficial Writer keeps eyeing me salaciously and encouraging me to chug my Appletini.
D+Caf Detects If You're Drinking Real Coffee Instead of Decaf [gizmodo]
Jan 2 2009 I Believe I Can Fly: Plane Mail Postcards
The Postcard Aeroplane is a $7 balsa wood postcard from suckUK that you can send to a friend or former lover. Then, when they receive it, they can punch out the plane parts and fly your message to the moooooooon. One time my grandpa mailed a coconut. To Saturn! Can you tell I've been huffing? I have. I made resolutions! I broke them!
Balsa wood postcard transforms into flying model glider [dvice]
Jan 2 2009 DIY: Make Your Own SNES Cartridge Wallet
Some guy went and made a wallet out of an old SNES game cartridge (that shit better not have been A Link To The Past). The cartridge comes packed with emergency LEDs, videogame sound effects, and enough room to carry cash, cards, keys and a USB memory stick. Granted, it's not the coolest wallet I've ever seen, but I'm biased since I made one out of an entire Wii console. Plus, if i rock it in a front pocket, it makes my junk look bigger. And rectangular-er. Which, according to my latest poll, 6 out of 5 women on the bus find freaky deaky.
Hit the link for a picture of the insides and a link to the Instructable.
Continue Reading " DIY: Make Your Own SNES Cartridge Wallet "
Jan 2 2009 Wood + WALL-E = WOOD-E, Hiyo!
This is WALL-E made out of wood. It was very well constructed.
Disney commissioned UK-based sculptors and a group called Morpheus Prototypes to build this wooden sculpture of Wall-E as a gift for Pixar/Disney Chief Creative Officer John Lasseter.
Impressive, but I could have made the same thing out of a bunch of popsicle sticks and some wood glue. Unfortunately, mommy says I'm not allowed to use the glue anymore because I fed some to my turtle and now he's different. Slower. And he was already slow to begin with! ZING!
Hit the jump for a closeup of a tread.
Jan 2 2009 Yaaaaar!, A Custom Davy Jones Munny Figure
This is a custom Davy Jones Munny figure. You might recall Davy from such blockbusters as Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chesticles, and Ass Pirates of the Caribbean: The Geekologie Writer's Cave of Treasure. This particular pirate was made by Mallory Carson of Fullerton, CA.
Mallory is a 21 year old animation major and currently in her senior year at CSU Fullerton. While she's a full-time student, she manages to score some extra cash by selling her artwork.
And to think I sold my soul (and genitals) to pay my way through college. Art -- who would have known? Seriously though Mallory, good lookin'. I mean it -- I'm handsome as hell. We should date casually.
Hit the jump for two more, including one of Davy-in-progress. Also, his peg-leg looks like a summer sausage and is making me hungry.
Continue Reading " Yaaaaar!, A Custom Davy Jones Munny Figure "
Jan 1 2009 Domo-kun XBox 360 May Eat Other Consoles
I actually made it to 2009! Last night when I was writing the Happy New Year post I still had my doubts about the last few hours of 2008 doing me in, but here I am. Suck it, Death! Go sickle some other sorry bastard you skeletal taint!
Anyway, this is a Domo-kun themed XBox 360 made by DeviantARTist Ricepuppet for his sister-in-law. As you can see, it's brown and looks like a turd that wants to eat you. Kind of like that dream you have when you eat fish right before bed. No, not vagina.
domo-kun mod makes a toothy 360 [technabob]