Dec 31 2008 Eff 2008, Bring On 2009: Happy New Year!
Well folks, we survived another year. Amazing, I know. It's been one hell of a time, and I have every reason to believe 2009 is going to rock the track pants and Members Only jacket off 2008.
Happy New Year! See you in 2020! And by 2020 I mean after my Lasik surgery. HIYO!
Dec 31 2008 I Like Cold Beverages: The Cooper Chiller
The $60 Cooper Cooler Rapid Beverage Chiller chills a beer down to 43 °F in sixty seconds. So, at the moderate drinking rate of one beer per 45 seconds, you only have 15 seconds of down time until the next beer is ready. Not too shabby. You just fill the P.O.S. with ice and water, and presto: it rotates your can, all the while hosing the aluminum bastard down with cold water. Of course, if you're looking for something a little more powerful -- something that can cool a beer instantly -- I've got two words for you: witch titties.
One Minute Drink Chiller Works Better Than A Fire Extinguisher [ohgizmo]
Dec 31 2008 All Of Crappy 2008 In A Mere 40 Seconds
This is a time-lapse video made by Eirik Solheim of the year 2008. As you can see, it was an eventful year. The trees started off naked, put on their sexy spring and summer dresses, then stripped down again in the fall. And I imagine there was a botanical orgy of immeasurable proportions in there somewhere as well. You know -- trees humping trees, a couple bushes trying to get in on the action, maybe a lone deer banging a stump. But maybe that shit doesn't really happen the way I imagine -- how the hell should I know, I'm not a freaking Hobbit!
Dec 31 2008 Google Streets: Porsches & People Pissing
This is a Google Maps Street View of what is allegedly a Porsche prototype being tested in Colorado. Hit the jump for another picture of several different cars, all being covered as the Google Street View van rolls by soliciting children with the promise of free Chupa Chups. And, as a special added bonus, there's a Street View image of some woman pissing behind a car in Madrid, Spain. Because, just like the country song, "sangria makes you piss behind subcompacts".
Hit it.
Continue Reading " Google Streets: Porsches & People Pissing "
Dec 31 2008 Apple Equalizer: These Beats Are So Fresh!
eBay user jetsobox_au is selling a bunch of Apple logo graphic equalizer shirts. You can get one for $20 plus $15 shipping or $35 with free shipping. They light up in all their graphic-equalizing glory when the music is kickin' at the rave and you're rolling your face off, watching some asshat (who may or may not have stuck his pill up his ass with the help of a plastic Wal-Mart bag "glove") swing glowsticks around on showstrings (you know who you are!). Unfortunately, this seems like a bit of, oh I don't know, copyright infringement. Now I'm not saying I'm going to notify Apple to sue the pants off this bastard, but I am going to pose as Apple and "sell" the poor sap the merchandising rights. Suck it, the man!
Hit the jump for a video of the shirt in action and a link to the auctions.
Continue Reading " Apple Equalizer: These Beats Are So Fresh! "
Dec 31 2008 The All New New Years Eve Ball: Now With More Lights, Efficiency And, Uh, Triforces
What you're looking at is the new New Years Eve ball to be dropped (they literally should drop it one year -- after setting it on fire. Fireball Island FTW!) in Times Square tonight.
Last year, the Times Square Ball got an LED makeover for its 100th anniversary. This year that tradition continues, all 32,256 Philips Luxeon Rebel LEDs of it (and don't forget the 2,668 Waterford crystals). The 12-foot-wide, 11,875-pound ball is capable of displaying "16 million vibrant colors and billions of patterns"
The ball is 20% more efficient than last year as well, which means it will only consume enough power to run a handful of towns in the midwest. Oooooh, and what's with the Philips Rebel LEDs? I like the sound of those. "F*** you, we'll light when we want!"
Next year, Rogue LEDs.
The 'New' New Year's Eve Ball: 32,256 LEDs, 11,875 pounds, 20% more efficient [dvice]
Dec 30 2008 Using The Force: Lightsaber Nunchucks
Nice try buddy, but you're no Star Wars kid.
Thanks to Andy, who once beat Bruce Lee at nunchuck ping pong.
Dec 30 2008 Spoiled Brats: The Cloud 9 Radio Flyer
The Cloud 9 by Radio Flyer is thankfully just conceptual at this time because no child, I don't care if they pick platinum boogers, deserves to ride around in such opulence. The questionable Flyer comes complete with two seats, MP3 player, speaker system, 5-point racing harnesses, and a digital display with temperature, odometer, and speedometer readouts. If the Cloud makes production, expect around a $1,000 pricetag. And to think: I spent my youth being pushed around in a wheelbarrow. For shame.
Radio Flyer Cloud 9 Wagon Crushes My Youthful Memories With MP3 Player, Bucket Seats [gizmodo]
Dec 30 2008 Yes Please!: Legend Of Zelda Messenger Bag
Damnit, why didn't I know about this before Christmas?
This ($45) Zelda Messenger Bag features the Zelda map and the Triforce logo. The bag is great for carrying your lap top or just keeping your paper organized for work or class. There are side pockets for easy access as well as an internal cell phone pocket and security pockets. This is a heavy duty messenger bag that will keep you organized but also show your love for LOZ.
It's a messenger bag. It's Zelda themed. Ladies and gentlemen, it's official: I'm hard. Oh -- make that medium. Fluffer!
Legend of Zelda Messenger Bag [uberreview]
Dec 30 2008 Night Gardening With The Flashlight Hose
The Flashlight Nozzle is a garden hose attachment with an integrated LED flashlight that runs off 2 AA batteries. You know, so you can water your grass at night. Perfect for vampires, insomniacs, and rogue pot farmers, the botanical blaster will set you back a paltry $12.50. Or you could tape a flashlight to your existent nozzle. Now, which one of you lucky ladies wants me to water your roses on New Years Eve? Haha, I don't even know what means!
Flashlight Garden Nozzle [ohgizmo]
Dec 29 2008 PEW PEW: Cops' New Non-Lethal Weaponry
That thing doesn't even look real. It looks like a gun out of a video game. Or something cardboard Halo kid would make. But no, it's real (nonlethal) weapon.
Pictured above is the PHaSR, the bad-ass "Personnel Halting and Stimulation Response" rifle that's just about ready for deployment. It puts the hurt on you by dazzling you with laser light, while also burning your skin with an infrared laser.
PHaSR, very clever. I would have gone with PEW! though: Personal Eradication Weapon!. But hey, what do I know? I'm only a guy that practically comes up with acronyms for a living. Anyway, there's another weapon coming too, the ADS, or Active Denial System (which should clearly be the Active Incendiary Denial System), capable of shooting a 6-foot wide microwave beam that makes you feel all hot and bothered, but, on the plus side, can cook a frozen burrito like that.
Two fearsome non-lethal weapons on their way to cops' hands [dvice]
Dec 29 2008 Mmmm, Gutsy: A Thorax Cake
Damn that looks delicious. I just want to eat it up. Then slather the leftovers on a naked chick, take some moderately tasteful(!) erotic photographs, and sneak out a window while she cleans up.
The plan was for each organ to be made out of a different kind of cake and to secrete a different color of fluid when it was cut into. Previous heart cakes have bled fresh, homemade raspberry sauce. Sadly, the organs didn't bleed as well as I had hoped when I cut the cake, as each organ was relatively small and couldn't hold much sauce. Also all the moving around after filling the organs made it hard to keep the sauce contained in the little cavities I hollowed out. The heart bled pretty well, but the other organ fluids weren't very dramatic.
Heart - orange cake with raspberry sauce
Lungs - apple spice cake with strawberry sauce
Kidneys - orange cake with blueberry sauce
Stomach - ginger cake with mango sauce
Liver - chocolate cake with kiwi sauce
Small Intestine - jelly roll with red currant jelly
My God does that sound good. And I'm not even a big fan of purification organs. Now pipe organs -- that's another story. DOOT DOO DOO DOO DOO -- DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT!! Anybody? Phantom of the Opera!
Hit the jump for a ton more of the construction and final product.
Dec 29 2008 Welp, This Is What 'Street Fighter' Looks Like
Are you ready for some intense street fighting action? How about some fairly lame street fighting action of a quality that will have you continually asking when Steven Seagal is going to show up? Because that's what I have for you with the teaser trailer for Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. The voice-over is all Japanese, but I'm pretty sure it's just someone repeatedly saying, "What were you expecting?"
And Bison has a goatee:
Continue Reading "Welp, This Is What 'Street Fighter' Looks Like"
Dec 29 2008 Sexy Kinetic Dresses Respond To Stimuli
Walking City is a fashion collection by designer Ying Gao that includes three dresses that respond to different stimuli. The one in this video has a proximity detector. So when you get near it starts opening its little flower-looking accouterments. Pretty freaky looking. There's another video after the jump of a dress that blows itself up whenever a wind sensor is set off. The third one sucks so I'm not going to mention it. Sadly, none are as cool as the dress that turns into a naked woman. Which, as far as fashion goes, is the boner.
Hit it for the other one.
Continue Reading " Sexy Kinetic Dresses Respond To Stimuli "
Dec 29 2008 Custom Made Tusken Raider Munny Doll
This is a custom Munny doll made by artist Squapper. As you might notice as result of your above-average intellect and love of Star Wars, it's a Tusken Raider.
For the body, I simply sewed clothes by hand, soaked them in water, painted with watercolor to add dirt, messed up the edges and then put them on the Munny and let the dry in place to fit to the shape.For the bandages, I cut cloth into strips, soaked them and painted them, messed up the edges while wet and then let dry. Fitting them to the head was then simply a matter of using spray glue to make it adhere like tape and wrapping them on...
Not too shabby. Although, I must admit, I'm not really big into the Munny scene. I own a few of my favorites, but I'm not a diehard collector like some folks I know. Nope, I save my bookshelves for other collectibles -- namely seashells. Now, who wants to see my bivalves? Conch!
Hit the jump for several more, including a nice closeup of its sexy face.
Dec 29 2008 50-Foot Asimo To Lead Rose Bowl Parade
Honda is rocking out with their robot out January 1st at the Tournament of Roses on January 1st in Pasadena, California. That's right, a 50-foot likeness of Asimo, the harbinger of our destruction, will lead the parade along with a Honda FCX Clarity (fuel cell car). Be sure to tune in and watch the giant robotic bastard go rogue and start stomping dancers and bystanders. Which, I think we can all agree, will make for some awesome freaking television.
Hit the jump for two more pictures, including one of construction.
Dec 29 2008 PEWtastic: Sweet Looking Wiimote-Gun Mod
Yep, somehow this WeeP5 is actually a fully functional Wiimote. Alternatively, a great way to miss a flight.
In case you're wondering: B button is the trigger, A button is under the foregrip, 1 and 2 are on opposite sides near the front, the D-pad and Wii remote are jutting out of the left side, and the +, -, and home buttons are on the top just above the ammo clip.
You'd think somebody with the technological savvy to mod an MP5-looking Wiimote would own a DVD player. I mean, Amélie on VHS? WTF! Seriously though, I loved the part where she led the blind man around.
Hit the jump for a much more questionable Wiimote-gun mod.
Continue Reading " PEWtastic: Sweet Looking Wiimote-Gun Mod "
Dec 27 2008 Little Girl Knows Her Video Game Characters
Not only will one-year-old Melodie grow up to break your son's heart, she'll beat all his high scores in the process.
Cutest Game Video of 2008 will Melt Any Gamer's Heart [gizmodo]
Dec 26 2008 New Mercedes Feature Alerts Sleepy Drivers
Mercedes, in their unending quest to save the lives of the rich, is installing a new feature in its E class automobiles (sorry, you C class peasants are still f***ed).
Mercedes studied the brain waves of sleepy drivers, and matched those up with lackadaisical steering tendencies, resulting in a car that can sense if you're spacing out.
Attention Assist uses precision sensors on the steering column to watch your attention level, and if you start to fall asleep, it sounds an obnoxious alarm, accompanied by an icon in the middle of the speedometer suggesting that you pause for a cup of coffee.
No word on whether it can distinguish if you're just masturbating.
Mercedes cars now smart enough to wake up drowsy drivers [dvice]
Dec 26 2008 Cell Phone Goes PEW PEW PEW PEW
Remember the cell phone gun that Italian police found in a raid on the mafia? Turns out they're mad popular in Europe. And, I've got to tell ya, I'd almost be fooled if it looked like a Blackberry and not a phone from the 90's -- the 1890's (note to self: fact check 19th century cell phone technology). Some guy ranting about the pieces of shit:
Most see airport security as a pain. Some deal better than others. Some feel violated, when you watch this movie, you'll understand why they want your cell phone through the x-ray machine. If you get asked to test your cell phone at the airport, this is the reason. Because cell phone guns have arrived. These phones are not in the U.S. yet, but they are in use overseas. Beneath the digital phone face is a 22 caliber handgun capable of firing four rounds in rapid succession using the standard telephone keypad. European law enforcement officials are stunned by the discovery of these deadly decoys. They say phone guns are changing the rules of engagement in Europe. Be patient if security asks to look at your cell phone or turn it on to show that it works. They have a good reason! Welcome to our NEW WORLD!!
New world? Would that be a brave new world? And, if so, hook me up with some of that soma! Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Now, who wants to hit up the feelies?
Video Demo of Cellphone Gun Shows How Effective It Could Be [gizmodo]
Dec 26 2008 High School Students Use Photoshop, Traffic Cameras To Prank Enemies, Puzzle Police
High school students in Montgomery County, Maryland (where, incidentally, I used to live -- go Q.O.!) are Photoshopping pictures of their enemy's license plates, taping them to another car, and then speeding through areas with those automatic ticketing cameras. Interesting....
The Speed Camera Program was implemented in March of this year and used for the purpose of reducing traffic and pedestrian collisions in the county. Cameras are located in residential areas and school zones where the posted speed limit is 35 miles per hour or lower. A $40 citation is mailed to the owner of the car for violating the speed limit in these areas.The ingenuity of today's teenagers is truly awe inspiring. They would even go as far as to borrow car's so they would appear similar to the make and model of the car they were pranking.
Well damn. I catch any of you jerks out there rocking paper GKLGIST plates and I'll rear-end that ass with the force of a dump truck. You know, because that's what I drive. HONK HONK!
Kids Prank using Speed Cameras [lastgeek]
Thanks to Bryce, who doesn't drive a car because he's too busy driving women wild. HIYO!
Dec 26 2008 Macs Vs. PCs: Transform And Battle It Out!
This is a video of Macs and PCs transforming into little robot people and battling to the death. Who wins? You'll have to watch to find out! Read: I stopped watching halfway through to go scavenge for food. Well sandwiches don't make themselves! *ahem* Ladies, that was a hint. Crunchy PB, boysenberry jelly -- cut into triangles.
Thanks to *nix and Bustani, who can both transform from video gamer to sex machine in the time it takes to push pause.
Dec 26 2008 Now That's A Tasty Website: The Bacon-izer
Want to add some delicious flair to any website? Then just type http://bacolicio.us/ before a site's URL (e.g. http://bacolicio.us/http://www.geekologie.com/), and presto, you're licking fingerprints off your monitor. Right now the bacon is wearing a Santa hat in the spirit of the holidays, but I believe typically the delectable strip is naked. Oh, and esurance -- you're being charged for the extra ad in the picture.
baconize websites with bacolicio.us [technabob]
Dec 26 2008 He's Going All The Way!: Star Wars Jerseys
I'm not saying wearing a $110 Star Wars themed sports jersey is going to hinder my chances of rounding third base and heading home with a female, but it might. And let's face it, I need all the help I can get. But just in case -- ladies? Who wants to do it while I wear a Jedi jersey? Any takers? No? Okay, fine, any givers? Hey, I'm down to experiment -- after all, I am *lighting Bunsen burner for mood lighting* a sexual scientist.
Aaaaand there went my eyebrows.
Hit the jump to see basketball, football and hockey jerseys.
Continue Reading " He's Going All The Way!: Star Wars Jerseys "
Dec 26 2008 eBay: Pocket Sized Vampire Hunting Kit
Well we've already seen a $15,000 full-sized vampire killing kit. But what if you want something smaller? You know, a little vampire protection that'll fit in your pocket or man-purse? Enter the Vintage Pocket Sized Vampire Slaying Kit.
This is a Vampire killing kit that will travel with you, cause you never know when you may need it. It measures 6 5/8 inches long, and 1 1/4 inch square. One of a kind for sure.
The crucifix is from Paris, as stamped on the back of it, and it is obviously old. The Box also appears very old. The vials are brass, and contain Holy Water in the one with the copper tag with the "H" stamped on it, and the other vial has "G"stamped on it for garlic. The vial corks are sealed in red wax. A small wooden stake completes the set. A "V" is stamped on the copper plate on top for "Vampire".The parts, crucifix, wood box, screws, and metals used are old and tarnished, and most parts of the set are vintage.
Eh, I'd make my own if I were you. But $20 isn't too bad if you're lazy. You just better hope that holy water isn't urine. I hear vampires love that shit. And speaking of vampires -- the lead in Twilight, so dreamy.*
*This message brought to you by The World For A More Effeminate Geekologie Writer.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the kit, and a link to the auction.
Dec 25 2008 8-Bit Jesus: Classic Christmas Songs in the Style of Classic NES Games
8-Bit Jesus is an 18 track album featuring everyone's favorite Christmas tunes, but created using the music from classic NES games. It was all amazingly well made by Doctor Octoroc. I particularly enjoyed "We Three Konami", "8 Days of Master Robots", "Joy to Commando", "Super Jingle Bros.", "Bubbles We Have Heard On Bobble", "What Guardian is Legend?", "Icarus! The Angels Sing", "O Come, All Ye Vampires", "Kraid, Rest Ye Merry Mother Brain", and "Have Yourself A Final Little Fantasy". Okay, they're all good.
You can listen to and download the whole album for free HERE, buuuuuut Doctor Octoroc's ultra-cute, 6-month-old Pembroke Welsh Corgi, Ein (undoubtedly and awesomely named after Cowboy Bebop), has had to have surgery recently. If you donate $15 the doctor will send you a physical copy of the CD, and you'll help Ein in the process (heart-melting picture after jump). Plus, since it's Christmas and all, if you help the doctor I'll steal St. Peter's "no" book and erase your name for that thing you did. You thought I didn't know! Oh I know.
Hit the jump to see a picture of the cute little guy.
Continue Reading " 8-Bit Jesus: Classic Christmas Songs in the Style of Classic NES Games "
Dec 25 2008 Merry Christmas, You Filthy Rebel Scum
Well folks, we've all somehow managed to survive another year and make it to Jesus' B-day Extravaganza, 2008. I imagine you're all enjoying time with friends and family, opening wrapped boxes containing the things you've always wanted. And, if you're not, hopefully you at least know a bar that's open.
Merry Christmas to you and yours, from the Geekologie Writer and his (dog).
Flickr Picture
Thanks to Rich, who saved Christmas with a picture of a stormtrooper wearing a Santa hat.
Dec 24 2008 A Little Holiday Something From Me To You
No need to thank me folks, just spreading some holiday, um, nipple-stache. And remember, it's not too late to add "new eyes" to your last minute Christmas list.
The nipple mustache [iosoup]
Thanks to Kevin, who allegedly grew a crotch-stache for his senior prom.
Dec 24 2008 Best iPhone App To Date Rejected By Apple
iBoobs, undeniably the best iPhone application to date, has been denied the right to be sold in the iTunes store, because Apple claims the app is pornographic. Which, I think we can all agree, is utterly ridiculous. And by "utterly ridiculous" I mean I popped like 16 boners.
Youtube
Thanks to Dylan, who agrees that Apple wouldn't be where they are today if it weren't for pornography. Remember your roots.
Dec 24 2008 Scientists Say 'Sex Chips' Are Coming Soon
Sex chips. My God, what if they come in honey bbq flavor?
The chip works by sending tiny shocks from implanted electrodes in the brain.
Neurosurgery professor Tipu Aziz, said: "There is evidence that this chip will work. A few years ago a scientist implanted such a device into the brain of a woman with a low sex drive and turned her into a very sexually active woman. She didn't like the sudden change, so the wiring in her head was removed."An electronic machine, named the Orgasmatron (pictured above), taken from the 1973 Woody Allen film Sleeper, is already under development by a North Carolina doctor, who is modifying a spinal cord stimulator to produce pleasure in women.
I mean, this is great and all, but for the ultimate in pleasure, I've got two words for you: me. Baby, I will take you places you've never been. Including, but not limited to: the emergency room, and Advance Auto. Ladies?
'Sex chip' being developed by scientists [telegraph]
Thanks to Pete, who, behind me (not literally), is the world's 2nd greatest lover. It's true, he even has the coffee mug to prove it.
Dec 24 2008 Blast Out Of Bed With The Rocket Alarm!
The $25 Rocket Launcher Alarm Clock is phallic as hell and I want one really badly. When it's time to wake up the rocket ship blasts off -- and you have to retrieve said rocket and replace it on the base for the beeping to stop. Alternatively, you can break the base. And while this certainly isn't the worst way to wake up, it is a close second behind the SWAT team busting into your bedroom. Those guys act like they've never seen a little morning wood before. Somebody fetch the proverbial buck saw -- this timber looks like a two-man job.
rocket launcher alarm clock blasts into orbit to wake you up [technabob]
Thanks to Julian, who requires like 16 diamond-toothed chainsaws to dispatch his morning lumber.
Dec 24 2008 Have Some Fun Tossing The F-Bomb Around
The F-Bomb is a little $10 plushie with a sensor inside that, when thrown to the ground, says everyone's favorite f word. Which, I can only assume, is fingerbangarang.
drop as many f-bombs as you want [technabob]
Dec 23 2008 Cannibals: Japanese People Taste The Best
That's right folks: according to the cannibals of Papua New Guinea, the Japanese are delicious.
Anthropologist Olga Ammann describes it more succinctly in the book. She quotes people who have eaten other humans: "The meat of white people smells too strongly and is too salty."
The Japanese are meant to taste the best, according to her study - the only thing that beats it is the meat of their own women.
Mmmm, I'm with them on that. There's nothing better than roast beef. And the guy in the picture? Best jerky ever.
"Japanese people taste the best - whites are too salty!" [bild]
Thanks to GRRR, who knows what Bald Eagle tastes like.
Dec 23 2008 Santa, Quick!: A Millennium Falcon Sled
It's a well known fact that Santa hates my guts because I caught him boning a reindeer one foggy Christmas Eve while I was trying to piss my name in the snow (not Rudolph though, it was dark). So I'm probably not gonna get anything, but I figured I'd try anyways.
Santa,
Just writing to inform you of a last minute gift idea for yours truly -- a moderately priced ($35) Millennium Falcon sled. Thank you for your time and consideration.Sincerely,
The Geekologie Writer
P.S. If you do not comply I will be forced to fly your reindeer to the moon, where they will die -- flying reindeer can't breathe in outer space!
Damn I write a good letter.
Star Wars Millennium Falcon Sled [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Pat, who's holding out for an AT-AT sled.
Dec 23 2008 Yes Please!: Real Life Thor Hammers
Definitely watch this to the very end. It's a bunch of kids running around with real-life Thor hammers. I have no idea if this is some kind of religious celebration or what, but if it is, I'm converting. My sex -- I want a vagina.
Thanks to Yo poleo, who once made an explosive chainsaw and lived to tell about it.
Dec 23 2008 Building A Low Carb Gingerbread House
With meat instead of gingerbread! And not just any meat -- deliciously processed meat. Mmmm! The whole abode is held together with a delectable mortar, which you can make yourself using the following recipe:
Wifezilla's Low carb "Meat House" Mortar2 8oz packages of cream cheese
1/4 cup palm oil
1 package onion soup mix
Blend all ingredients together until smooth and creamy. All to sit in the refrigerator for an hour or so to let the onion flavor blend with the cheese.
Mix that shit up, throw some sausage logs and Slim Jims together, and BAM! -- your very own meat cabin. And speaking of which, I once stayed with twelve other dudes in a single room on a ski trip. It was homoerotic to say the least. A full blown orgy complete with ski poles and goggles to say the most.
Hit the jump for a couple more of the yummy.
Dec 23 2008 What To Do In A Plane Crash: Twitter
If you're ever in a plane crash, what's the first thing you should do? Of course -- Twitter about it! That's exactly what Mike Wilson did after Continental flight 1404 veered off the runway at Denver International Airport and caught fire.
"Holy f*cking sh*t I was just in a plane crash," he wrote in a text message shortly after Continental Flight 1404 burst into flames and nearly broke apart, injuring 38 people.
Thirty-two minutes later, Mr Wilson added: "Ugh... My glasses fell off in the mass exodus getting off the plane... Can't see very well."One minute after that, he offered a bit of lightness, perhaps conscious that worried family members might be reading his words: "This was crash No 2 for me. Maybe I should start taking the bus".
Well I can honestly say tweeting is not the first thing I'd think to do in the event of a plane crash. Now copping a feel on a distressed stewardess....that's, uh, I can't believe I just freaking wrote that.
Citizen journalist sets the world a Twitter after Denver plane crash [telegraph]
Thanks to pirhan, who's smart enough to only travel by jetpack.
Dec 23 2008 Do You Piss Liquid Gold?: A $400,000 Watch
The Cabestan Winch Tourbillion Vertical Watch is utterly ridiculous and has 1,352 parts (in comparison, my sundial has two). It's "driven by a 450 link chain and nickel silver drums" and looks like it'll break just putting it on. The base model will set you back $275,000, but if you want that shit to have platinum and diamonds and a set of grillz it'll be $400,000. I have no idea what makes the thing tell time, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's something to do with a winch. And speaking of which -- more beer you wretched beast!
Mad props in advance to everyone that's going to use their comment to tell me beer wench is spelled with an e.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the awesomely constructed movement.
Continue Reading " Do You Piss Liquid Gold?: A $400,000 Watch "
Dec 23 2008 The Ultimate In Christmas Lighting Effects
I vow to be the guy who puts up the ridiculous Christmas lights every year. But no inflatable decorations. Those things are freaking classless. Unless you have them in your yard, in which case, good looking. But we're talking lights here. We're talking serious exterior illumination. We're talking....Light-O-Rama!
Light-O-Rama is an affordable, computerized lighting system designed to control elaborate or simple lighting displays. The Light-O-Rama system can be applied to almost any lighting situation, from stand-alone controllers to synchronizing hundreds of controllers, motion detectors, animation servos and other devices using a personal computer or master controller. Light-O-Rama controllers are micro-processor based (miniature computers inside) and are equipped to produce a number of great lighting effects such as smooth ramping, cyclic/cross fading, dimming, twinkling and many others.
You heard it here folks, miniature computers inside. You just shell out $2,700 for a 128 channel system, plug in a shit-ton of lights, connect to your PC, and presto, you triple the electric bill and burn your house to the ground. But I think we can all agree: it's a small price to pay for a Youtube video I'll watch every Christmas.
Hit the jump for a picture of a fire waiting to happen and a bunch more classic Christmas lighting videos, most of which are OLD AS HELL.
Continue Reading " The Ultimate In Christmas Lighting Effects "
Dec 23 2008 60,000 Piece LEGO Hoth Battle Diorama
Sorry for the unusual lack of postage in the past few days, folks. I've been traveling my ass off (read: cover up for male enhancement surgery) and had to post via message in a bottle. But I'm back and ready to Geek the ologie. Look out! Anyway, Mark Borlase went and built himself a wicked Hoth battle diorama out of 60,000 LEGO blocks. Sure most of those are contained in the massive cave, but still, damn.
As the headline says, the 5′X10′ diorama is comprised of 60,000 Lego bricks. It cost creator Mark Borlase about $3,000 and four years of construction time to complete.
There's also the 50 LED lights that illuminate the Echo Base hangar and bacta tank with a soothing blue. Motorized AT-AT wenches and a fully operational hanger door top off this gorgeous pile of eye candy.
Four years of construction! The freaking Egyptian pyramids were built in less time (note to self: verify this). Seriously though, Mark, great freaking job. Mind if I come over and PEW PEW with the diorama a bit? Oh come on, I'll bring cookies. Laced cookies. Haha -- you got me, they're just doilies.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a link to the massive Flickr gallery.
Dec 22 2008 Float-A-Pet Prevents Pet Drownings
The Float-A-Pet floating dog collar saves pet lives should God decide to spite us with another flood for all the debauchery. When the collar's sensors detect water -- PFFFFT -- the collar inflates, keeping most tiny-ass dogs and cats afloat by their neck. Also, I'd say it probably works on turtles. But seriously Noah, you could have saved yourself a ton of labor.
Floating dog collar will keep your pooch afloat in a flood [dvice]
Dec 22 2008 Instant Decorating: The Christmas Cannon
If there's one thing I hate about Christmas it's that fat bastard Santa and his lack of presentry for yours truly. I swear, you write one too many dirty jokes and the boubon-soaked skeezeball (trust me, I could smell his breath when I sat on his lap at the mall in '85. Also, I'm now spreading a rumor he touched my butt) passes your apartment. If there's another thing, it's decorating. It's time consuming, and, come May, you have to take everything down again. That's why the Christmas Cannon is so genius. You just lather something in glue, pump up the cannon, and BAM -- you just Christmas'd that shit. It's as easy as shooting yourself in the foot trying to shoot fish in a barrel. Which, haha, is easier than you think (read: I'm missing two toes and have to wear a special shoe).
DIY Christmas Cannon is a Festive Tinsel Explosion [gizmodo]
Dec 22 2008 Wow: Man Breaks Knee Playing Guitar Hero
Some guy broke his knee playing Guitar Hero. Well, it wasn't actually the game that did it, he was trying to do a Rockette high-kick or some shit for extra style points. He failed.
I was face to face with my Arch Nemesis/Very Good Friend/Roommate Craig. It was time to see who could out rock each other while playing Texas Flood.
We were neck in neck in points... I had to do something special. I needed STYLE points. I breathed deep, my rock meter was maxed out and I was going to make this audience feel it. I twisted to the right and threw my guitar in the air! Instead of a roaring audience I heard a loud snap! My knee slid to the outside of my leg and my leg bent sideways as I fell to the ground.Half the people in the room were concerned the other half called me a pussy. One guy, the Geekologie Writer, spilled a drink my couch and then puked everywhere. It was projectile. He left without cleaning it up.
Ha, and don't you ever forget it. I don't just puke, I PEW PEWK.
GuitarHeroBrokeMyKnee.com (complete with grody picture section)
Thanks to Jennaiii, who once broke my heart during a game of Rock Band.
Dec 19 2008 Ho Ho Ho, Happy Holidays From Geekologie
Julian Beever is a sidewalk artist that specializes in realistic 3-D renderings when viewed from a particular viewpoint. This is one such piece, and Christmas themed to boot. Who knew Santa lived in a secret underground lair beneath a mail receptacle? That's some serious DangerMouse shit right there. And, based on the expression on Santa's face, I'd say somebody just asked for ass beads.
Dec 19 2008 Stocking Stuffer: Companion Cube Keychains
Want to carry a little companion cube with you wherever you go? No problem, thanks to Etsy seller donsolo's $22 companion cube keychains.
Made with geeky love from .100" thick reclaimed aluminum. It measures 1.25" x 1.25" (about 3cm x 3cm). The surface has a brushed finish that will wear over time. It's attached to a clip style key holder with a flexible metal cord. End to end it's almost 4".
Perfect for the Portal lover on your gift list, the little cubes make a great stocking stuffer. And you know what else does? Those sexy legs of yours. Ooo la la!
Thanks to Michael, who may or may not have a financial interest in the sale of these keychains.
Dec 19 2008 Cool: Augmented Reality Advertisements
MINI recently ran an augmented reality advertisement in several German automotive magazines (Auto, Motor und Sport, Werben & Verkaufen and Autobild). You head over to the MINI website, flash the print ad in front of your webcam (while doing a striptease -- ladies only, please) and TA-DOW -- a 3-D MINI appears on your newfangled typewriter screen. Go here to print out the ad as a PDF and then head here to try it for yourself. I tried to do it but I can't read German and get easily discouraged so I bailed. Besides, I'm waiting for some augmented augmented reality ads. You catch my drift? I'm talking boobs. Big-ass fake ones.
Hit it for another picture and a video of the making of the ad.
Dec 19 2008 RIP: Majel Roddenberry Passes Away :(
Majel Roddenberry, widow of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry and voice of Starfleet computers in every version of Star Trek including the upcoming J.J. Abrams movie, passed away yesterday from complications from pneumonia. She was 76.
Even before she married Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry in 1969, she was integral to Star Trek. She was the original first officer aboard the Enterprise--replaced after the pilot by Leonard Nimoy's Mr. Spock--and reappeared as the faithful Nurse Christine Chapel. When Star Trek: The Next Generation hit airwaves in the late-1980s, Barrett-Roddenberry took the recurring role of Lwaxana Troi--maternal gadfly to the Enterprise's counselor, Deanna Troi (Marina Sirtis), and romantic thorn to Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart). After Gene Roddenberry's death in 1991, Barrett-Roddenberry would eventually shepherd some of his ideas to fruition; she served as the executive producer of Earth: Final Conflict (1997-2002) and Andromeda (2000-2005).
RIP Majel, you will be missed.
Hit the jump for a couple videos of Majel's work.
Dec 19 2008 Burger King Makes Flame Broiled Cologne
That's right folks, Burger King has come out with a cologne. Appropriately named Flame, 5ml bottles cost a staggering $4 and allegedly contain the intoxicating odor of flame-broiled burger. Mmmm.
On firemeetsdesire.com, Burger King takes pains make satire of the "sexy is serious" stylings of other fragrance campaigns, offering this description of the scent against a chic black background: "The WHOPPER sandwich is America's favorite burger. FLAME by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat."
Alternatively, just rub yourself down with an actual burger. Hello ladies! What, you never seen a guy with a pickle on his neck?
Appetite for seduction: BK's new fragrance [msnbc]
Thanks to Rosie, Jaik and Thomas, who are waiting for eau de chicken nuggets. And Daisy, who stresses NO, NOT THAT DAISY!
Dec 18 2008 The Robot Apocalypse Is Upon Us, First Three Victims Claimed. Alternatively, This Month's Darwin Award Recipients
Three people in Japan have died after trying to use a robotic foot massage machine on their necks and shoulders.
In the most recent case, a woman removed the cloth cover of the machine and ended up strangling herself when her shirt collar was caught in its massage rollers. The other two deaths also seem to have occurred in a similar manner. No recall of the product has been issued, but the manufacturer thought it would be a good idea to issue a public warning.
The end is nigh! The rise of the foot massage machines is only the begining. Also, who the f*** tries to use a foot massager on their neck? Nowhere was the thing advertised as a 2-in-1 massager. SO WHY PUT IT ON YOUR NECK? Wu-Tang said it best: Ya best protect ya neck! Jesus, next thing you know some jackass is gonna try sticking his....
UPDATE: Oh God, call the wienerologist!
Three people killed by foot massage machines [japanprobe]
Thanks manwai, Brad and Flavio, you know anything about chiropractics?
Dec 18 2008 Whee!: Wii On eBay, Star Wars Themed It Is
Somebody is auctioning off a custom painted Star Wars Wii on eBay for five hundred pieces o' eight. It comes with Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, but not when you call it.
This Wii Features:
· Custom Black Case!
· Eighty-Five (85) Fiber Optic Stars
· Some Stars Fade In and Out
· Custom, Red Light Bar!! Which looks like its breathing!
· Hand Painted Death Star, X-Wing, and Darth Vader Tie-Fighter!
· Star Wars Logo in Brass!! Backlit with Yellow LED's!
· You Can Change the Fading mode to Constant ON!
· Wiimote and Nunchuk have Custom Red LED Lights in them!!
Eh, I guess. But speaking of The Force Unleashed, I just tore the zipper off my pants. Ladies? Oh come on, I even glued a little Ewok fur to my chest.
Hit it for a picture of the controllers and a closeup of the art.
Continue Reading " Whee!: Wii On eBay, Star Wars Themed It Is "
Dec 18 2008 Gory Macabre: The Perfect Baby Shower Gift
Oh man, I love these. And unicorns really do spear little forest creatures like that, it's true. I've seen 'em do it with my own two eyes. Well, one eye -- one of those f***ers got me! Sadly, this awesomeness isn't for sale, which is a crying shame. Because gory macabre animals are the perfect way to let your kids you love them. Just not enough to not scar them for life. Sleep tight little ones! Haha, no nightlight tonight -- the goblins were complaining. And also, no sneaking out of bed -- the floor turns to acid when I leave the room. Kisses!
Hit the jump for some larger pictures of my favorites.
Continue Reading " Gory Macabre: The Perfect Baby Shower Gift "
Dec 18 2008 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees
With Jesus' surprise roller-skating party just a week away, I thought I'd spread some holiday drunkeness in the form of beer bottle Christmas trees. This first one is made from 1,050 bottles, and there's a video after the jump of a Heineken tree with over 2,000. Also, I added a video of some drunkard making a Jagermeister tree out of a big piece of plywood and airplane bottles. It's amazing the time and effort people put into these things. A thousand bottles, 200 lights, 60 man-hours of labor, and one drunk Geekologie Writer to bring it all crashing down. Feliz cumpleaños, Jesus! And tell Santa I'll post nudey pics of Mrs. Claus if he pulls that coal shit again this year.
Hit it for the other videos.
Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees "
Dec 18 2008 Stupid Idiots Name Son Adolph Hitler, Bakery Refuses To Make Birthday Cake For The Young Terrorist. Sadly, It Gets Even Worse
A husband and wife team of stupid idiots named their son Adolph Hitler Campbell because, damnit, sometimes beating your kid just isn't enough. "Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because "no one else in the world would have that name"." Unfortunately, ShopRite supermarket refused to decorate a birthday cake with the little tyke's name on it. Wait, it gets worse.
The shop has also refused to make a cake for Mr Campbell's second child, who turns two next February. Her name is JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell. Heath and Deborah Campbell's third child will probably not get a cake from that shop either.
The eight-month-old baby has been named Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, apparently a reference to one of the Nazi's most monstrous leaders, SS head Heinrich Himmler.For the time being, the matter has been settled - the Campbells had their cake made by Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart, of course. Anything to make a freaking dollar. Seriously though, this couple should have been sterilized long ago. You know, with bullets.
Baker: No Cake For Little Hitler [yahoonews]
Thanks to GRRR, who named his son The Geekologie Writer, because he wants him to grow up just like me.
Dec 18 2008 Science!: The Periodic Table Of Awesoments
Unfortunately, it probably doesn't look that awesome since you can't read any of it. So click HERE to see the whole thing and all the awesoments that make the world cool.
In 300 B.C., years before the birth of black Jesus, Aristole postulated that all good things were made of "win." That was a pretty good guess, but he was drunk and probably also having an orgy. Modern day awesominers know there are actually 118 fundamental "awesoments" that compose all good things. The Periodic table of Awesoments can be a very useful tool. It's designed to show the relationships between awesoments, and often one can even predict how awesoments interact simply by their positions on the table.
Awesome. Although I question the awesoments in the traditional 'noble gas' section (ninja, sniper, vampire, wizard, etc.). I would argue that those particular awesoments are, in fact, highly reactive and not as tame as their position in the table suggests. Am I right? Example: "Hey ninja -- I banged your vampire mom last night. Yeah, she made me slap her ass with garlic nunchucks the whole time. Then your assassin dad walked in on us so i put my wizard robe and hat on and did him too. Then I had a sniper buddy take him out. Haha, your Jedi mind-tricks don't work on me. Now let's throw some clay on the potter's wheel and get all ghost-y." Seriously folks, you see how reactive that shit was?
The Periodic Table of Awesoments [dapperstache]
Thanks to Bryan, who I was surprised to see absent from the table.
Dec 17 2008 World Of Warcraft Players Discriminated Against In The Workplace, Also, Life
So apparently World of Warcraft players are discriminated against for employment, according to an f13 discussion forum. Which, let's face it, is practically a legitimate news source (not unlike Geekologie).
I met with a recruiter recently (online media industry) and in conversation I happened to mention I'd spent way too much time in the early 2000s playing online games, which I described as "the ones before World of Warcraft" (I went nuts for EQ1, SWG and the start of WoW, but since 2006 I have only put a handful of days into MMOG playing - as opposed to discussing them - I've obsessed over bicycles and cycling instead).
He replied that employers specifically instruct him not to send them World of Warcraft players. He said there is a belief that WoW players cannot give 100% because their focus is elsewhere, their sleeping patterns are often not great, etc. I mentioned that some people have written about MMOG leadership experience as a career positive or a way to learn project management skills, and he shook his head. He has been specifically asked to avoid WoW players.
Wow, poor WoW'ers. But if it makes you feel any better, bloggers are discriminated against too. Something about us being wickedly freaking handsome and having such pretty hands. Back me up here, Superficial Writer. Damn, nice cuticles, bro.
Should employers discriminate against World of Warcraft players? [boingboing]
Thanks to Darwinpolice, who's just waiting for you to kill yourself in an unbridled act of stupidity.
Dec 17 2008 Just Plain Classy: Crown Royal Bag Quilts
My brother Frank knows classy shit when he sees it, and this is living proof. Personally, I can't remember the last time I had 100 Crown Royal bags, but that's because I drink too much. Did that make any sense? It shouldn't have, I've been drinking. For $350 ebay seller misteria0 will quilt you up some warmth in the form of stitched-together Crown Royal bags (for those of you that don't know, each bottle of Crown Royal comes its own little embroidered velvety bag). Quilts come in both 100+ bag and 150+ bag options, and are sure to keep you toasty on a cold winter's night. Alternatively, drink heavily and set yourself on fire. Ha, or turn the heat up you cheap f***er!
Hit the jump for a blurry closeup of the quality stitching.
Continue Reading " Just Plain Classy: Crown Royal Bag Quilts "
Dec 17 2008 Santa, I've Been Good This Year, I Swear. Fine -- I'm Lying, But, Damnit You Chubby Bastard, I Really Want This R/C Tank
And what an R/C tank it is too! The 6ft, 550lb beast is a 1/4 scale replica of a German King Tiger and operates via two 500-watt, 24 volt motors, capable of pulling a car. Complete with a 2ft gun and functional turret, the tank is clearly ready to destroy at its operator's command. Unfortunately, the wickedness costs $10,230, which means laying siege to your neighbor's house is probably gonna have to wait -- till you can steal their car while they're on vacation! Drive that land-yacht right through the bay window. Extra points if you can park upstairs!
Toy tank will blow your mind [thesun]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who once road a tank into K-Mart and raided the blue-light special.
Dec 17 2008 Mmmm, Delicious Gingerbread Geekery
Remember the Lord of the Rings candy battle? Yeah, those orcs looked freaking yummy. Well here comes another sweet (!) gallery, this time of all gingerbread geekery. There's something for everyone, so hit the jump for a bunch more deliciousness. Then get inspired and make your own! Then make out with me underneath the mistletoe! Then make me a sandwich! Haha, and a drink. Don't forget the drink.
Hit it for more NOM.
Dec 17 2008 Hmmm?: What If Tetris Had Lyrics -- About Tetris Being A Game For Women?
Brentalfloss, Geekologie's resident songwriter, known for such hits as Mega Man 3 with lyrics, and What A Wonderful Super Mario World, just dropped another single on this bitch, this time with a Tetris-theme. It's a song about the iconic block game being for women. Which may or not be true. Because, quite frankly, I love Tetris and I happen to have a....wait, where'd it go? Oh, oh no. I showered this morning -- the drain!
Youtube
Thanks VeryLiberating, TransconaSlim and Brentalfloss, you guys know anything about plumbing?
Dec 17 2008 Smart: Stolen XBox Located Using Controller
A Missouri State student returned to his dorm room only to find his XBox 360 had been stolen. But one of the controllers had been left, and was still picking up a signal. So, using the peripheral, the gamer was able hone in on the stolen console.
Ketsenburg, who lives in Hutchens House, said that after his Xbox was stolen, he turned on his wireless Xbox controller and found that it was still connecting to his Xbox. Based on this discovery, Ketsenburg said he realized that his Xbox must be nearby, he said.
The controller connected to the Xbox on the fourth, fifth and sixth floors of Hutchens but not on the third floor and seventh floor, so through process of elimination, Ketsenburg said he figured out that the stolen Xbox must be on the fifth floor.Following the controller's signal, Ketsenburg said he was able to pinpoint the room where his Xbox was stolen.
The 5th floor resident assistant checked the alleged room where the stolen Xbox was and was able to find the Xbox, Ketsenburg said.
Oh man, that's great. The thief is being expelled and Ketsenburg, despite a reformatted hard-drive, is happy to have the XBox back. I swear, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a thief. Which might sound hypocritical seeing how I just stole your heart. Admit it, you love me!
Wireless Controller Helps Recover Stolen 360 [kotaku]
Thanks to Saint Kevin, who once saw a man steal a woman's purse so he tripped the guy and kicked him in the throat until police arrived.
Dec 17 2008 I Am Stupid, These Are Better iPhone Gloves
Okay, so apparently that last pair of gloves I posted for using touchscreen devices suck because your fingers get all cold. Boy was that a stupid product design. But apparently these DOTS gloves will still work AND keep your digits nice and toasty. They work via those magical little dots on the tips of the fingers. A knit pair will set you back $15, wool $20. Despite contacting the company, I received no word on what the dots are actually made of, which begs the question -- angel nipples?
Thanks to egleaves and David for pointing out that the other gloves are for nose-pickers, not iPhoners.
Dec 16 2008 NSFW!: Advertisers Take Note -- Now This Is How You Sell A Damn Washing Machine!
VIDEO IS NSFW
Well, after that last post I need a little pick-me-up. And what picks up the Geekologie Writer? Haha, you all know me too well, NSFW boobs (read: bare ones). This is a European Siemens commercial for a $900 washing machine that features a bunch of bare-breasted women skydiving from a plane. Because, just like Jesus dictated to his secretary in Psalm 49: Large boobs sell large appliances. Amen to that. I just ordered sixty of them, and I don't even wear clothes! I'm a blogger, folks, and the official uniform of the blogger is a single pair of stained boxers. And I'm not even wearing those right now! Now guess what I'm going to use to type the period at the end of this sentence. If you guessed my right ring finger, you are correct. Pfft, I know how to type!
WOW, NSFW Commercial [phillyd]
Thanks to pirhan, who delivers the goods when I need them most.
Dec 16 2008 Parents Take Halo 3 Away From Teenage Son, He Shoots Them Both, Killing Mother
17-year old Daniel Petric shot both his parents, killing his mother, for taking his copy of Halo 3 away from him. You can hit the link to read the story of how it went down, but I don't feel like copying it here.
Lawyers for the accused delivered a brief statement at the opening of the trial, explaining that their client had be under a large amount of stress after being homebound for a year due to a snowboarding accident with nothing to do but watch television and play video games.*tearing up*
It's just an amazingly heart-wrenching story, made even more so by the following exchange between father and son related by Mark Petric (Daniel's father) during testimony:"Dad, I'm so sorry for what I did to Mom, to you and to the family," Daniel Petric said, according to his father. "I'm so glad you are alive."
"You're my son," Mark Petric responded. "You're my boy."
Teen Shot Parents Because They Took Away Halo 3 [kotaku]
Thanks Jesus and Kevin.
RIP Susan Petric
Dec 16 2008 Luke Skywalker's Lightsaber Sells At Auction
The lightsaber (which was made from part of a photography flashgun) that Mark Hamill swung around like the Star Wars Kid in A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back recently sold at auction for a cool £133,000 (~$206,000). Some other stuff from the movies sold as well, but for less dough.
An original section of the Death Star from the first 1977 movie also fetched £13,300 and C-3PO's helmet and robotic hands worn by British actor Anthony Daniels in the 1983 hit Star Wars: Return of the Jedi sold for £66,444 and £20,000 respectively.
I wish I had $200,000 bones to blow on movie props, because I would have bought that damn lightsaber. Then traded it for a truckload of hookers. And that, at least according to my grandpappy, is living the good life.
Use the profit, Luke! Lightsaber used by Luke Skywalker in Star Wars sold for £133,000 [dailymail]
Thanks to Ska, who once traded a Federation blaster for a night with an Ewok.
Dec 16 2008 What?: Russian Man Trademarks ;-) Emoticon
Apparently the Russian patent office granted a trademark to resident doucheweed Oleg Teterin, a man who now allegedly owns the rights to the ;-) emoticon. WTF!
But critics doubt the trademark's legal basis as the emoticon has been in the public domain for years.
"I want to highlight that this is only directed at corporations, companies that are trying to make a profit without the permission of the trademark holder," Mr Teterin said in comments on the Russian TV channel, NTV.He also said since other similar emoticons - :-) or ;) or :) - resemble the one he has trademarked, use of those symbols could also fall under his ownership.
Wow, what is the world coming to? And where does this Ruski get off trying to trademark MY emoticons. That's right folks, I invented them all. Just kidding, but I do use 8===D a lot, often followed by 'PEW PEW!'
Russian hopes to cash in on ;-) [bbcnews]
Thanks Richthegringo, and good luck on your quest to patent all punctuation. Also, thanks to Abby, my new legal consultant.
Dec 16 2008 Well, That Made My Day: A Wii Accident
I love the way he starts crying for his mommy and slapping the TV like that'll magically make the screen uncrack. Remember: they give you wrist straps for a reason -- they make pretty bracelets!
What a Wiimote to the TV Actually Looks Like [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who doesn't break TVs playing Wii because he has a HD projector -- that comes out of his penis. It's true, he plays movies for people on the subway. Also, thanks to Richthegringo, who caught a showing of the Dark Knight.
Dec 16 2008 My Wrist, It's Blinky: Tokyoflash's Latest Flash
What would a week on Geekologie be without another watch from Tokyoflash? A hot day in heaven, that's for sure. Anyway, the Tokyoflash Waku ($130) is the latest from the wily watchateers.
Waku's wrist band, uniquely positioned between the frame and LEDs, is designed like a belt and features rows of punched holes which continue through the frame to expose the bright lights beneath.
Touch Waku's button and a simple animation sparkles before the time is presented in three easy-to-read steps. Hours are shown first, one LED indicates each hour 1-12. Groups of 15 minutes are next, three LEDs indicate 15, 30 and 45 minutes past the hour. Finally single minutes are presented, fourteen LEDs indicating minutes 1-14. Count the LEDs in columns of 5 and reading Waku becomes really easy!
The watch comes in three different bands: brown leather, black croc-effect, and natural fur, and each is available with either single or multi-colored LEDs. That's six different options! And again, no, I don't get paid for posting these. It's called relations, folks, and I have them. Mostly with women, but sometimes (and I'm thinking last year's holiday party here) with Joel from HR dressed up as Santa.
Hit the jump for several more views and a link to the buy site.
Continue Reading " My Wrist, It's Blinky: Tokyoflash's Latest Flash "
Dec 16 2008 Hitchcock The Birds Barbie Is A Real Product
The Alfred Hitchcock The Birds doll is a genuine Barbie, manufactured by Mattel and everything. It's not just a doll that somebody modded in their basement (although by all means feel free to do that yourself).
Dressed in a re-creation of the stylish green skirt-suit worn by the film's ill-fated heroine in an iconic scene, Alfred Hitchfock's "The Birds" Barbie® Doll celebrates the 45th anniversary of the acclaimed film. From the doll's classic ensemble to the perfectly painted expression to the accompanying black birds, every aspect captures the film's infamous appeal.
They run about $40 and are the perfect gift for a daughter that has no idea who the hell Alfred Hitchcock is. Also, I'm a little disappointed there's no Psycho Barbie. What better way to teach our nation's youth about diversity and acceptance than a knife weilding Barbie dressed as a man? Well, a man crossdressed as his dead mother and about to get all stabby on some chick in the shower? I certainly can't think of any.
Thanks to Shayla, who once killed two birds with one stone and then watched a cat eat them.
Dec 16 2008 Scientists Find World's Oldest Spider Web (Until Another, Much Older One Is Found)
Scientists have found what they believe to be the world's oldest and least circular spider web, encased in a piece of amber. It's allegedly 140 million years-old.
"It's not a striking, perfect web," Braddy said. "(But) this seems to confirm that spiders were building orb webs back in the early Cretaceous" -- the geological term for the period of time between 145.5 and 65.5 million years ago when dinosaurs and small mammals shared the earth.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If it's, "let's clone whatever that spider bit and have sex with it", then you are. High five for being on the same page.
Oldest Spider Web Found, Scientist Says [aolnews]
Thanks to Pat, who doesn't get bitten by spiders because he bites them. That's pretty freaking sick, Pat.
Dec 15 2008 DIY: R/C Helicopter With .45 Handgun
We've already seen a R/C helicopter with an automatic shotgun attached, but, as the Constitution explicitly states, radio controlled vehicles with firearms attached are everyone's God-given right. Enter the .45 handgun-copter, just in time for the holidays. Which, incidentally, coincide with, uh, squirrel hunting season? And speaking of which, do squirrels shit? And if so, what does it look like? There's a ton of those little arboreal bastards around, but I never see any droppings.
Youtube
Thanks to jason, who once ROFLMAOBBQcoptered the Swedish Bikini Team.
Dec 15 2008 Laptop Concept Has *GASP* Three Screens
This is a MacBook (Mac triBook) concept that has two additional fold-out screens for more desktop real estate. It also features a trackpad that stretches the entire length of the main console. Whee! Of course, it's just a concept, so you're probably thinking to yourself, "f***, I could Photoshop some shit together and get it on Geekologie". And you know what? You include a nudey picture of your girlfriend and you just might. But seriously, nice try, but I've already designed something far superior. It's called the quadBook, and that bitch has THREE MORE screens that fold out. Suck it, Apple, your ass just got cored!
Mac|Life 3-Screen Concept Melts Brains [spike]
Thanks to Kirk, who has a 10-screen laptop and has sex with the girl on the subway that you're always ogling. The one with the red blouse. I did her first though. Just don't tell him that.
Dec 15 2008 Are You Even Surprised?: iPhone Gloves
The $23 Etre Touchy gloves are handwear designed for using your iPhone or other touchscreen device in the harsh months of winter. They're just gloves with the index fingers and thumbs cut off. Which *SPOILER ALERT* you can do yourself to any pair of gloves, even $5 ones. Ha, but not while you're wearing them you stupid idiot!
Etre Touchy gloves won't let winter spoil your texting fun [dvice]
Dec 15 2008 Paper Bottles Perform Poorly In Bar Fights
It's a fact: in a barfight you want to be wielding a nice glass bottle. Or a heavy mug. Or a pool cue. Or a handful of darts. Or a knife. What you don't want is a paper bottle. You try papercutting an enemy and he's gonna to choke you out. And God knows what he's going to do to you while you're unconscious. Suffice it to say it's not buy you a new drink. Anyway, these are paper bottles. They're supposed to be eco-friendly or something (only 14% of the 60 million plastic bottles used daily in the US are recycled) and cut down on packaging and shipping costs. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. But one thing's for certain: a bottle, by the Merriam-Geekologie definition, has to be glass or plastic. So these aren't really bottles, they're reservoirs. Much like a teat, which *suckle* mmmm.
Two more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Paper Bottles Perform Poorly In Bar Fights "
Dec 15 2008 Dubai Resort Building Air-Conditioned Beach
A new Versace hotel in Dubai is going to feature an air-conditioned beach. Ha, and all this time I thought beaches were supposed to be hot.
A system of heat-absorbing pipes and giant wind blowers will "keep tourists cool in the searing 40-50C (104-122F) heat." Soheil Abedian, president of Palazzo Versace hotel that will be home to the refrigerated beach, said: "We will suck the heat out of the sand to keep it cool enough to lie on. This is the kind of luxury that top people want."
Top people? What the f*** is a top person? And, more importantly, how do I become one? Unfortunately, this opulence comes at a cost. Namely, mother nature's ass.
The city's continued expansion will also add to its huge carbon footprint. Each person living in Dubai has a carbon footprint of more than 44 tons of CO2 a year.
A 44-ton footprint -- that's bigger than Bigfoot's! But seriously, Satan, how about a little AC down here, it's freaking hot.
Versace hotel to refrigerate beach [news.au]
Thanks Natalie and jumpin_j, now listen: don't sin lest you want a burning coal jammed up your ass for eternity. And *TSSSSSSSSSS* OH MOTHER OF MELTING ASS TRUST ME YOU DOOOOOOON'T!
Dec 15 2008 I Hear Wedding Bells!: A Match Made In Halo
John Henry and Desirai Labrada (PsychoVandal and SickNdehed, respectively) met playing Halo in 2004 and are now getting married in a Halo themed wedding at this year's Otronicon gaming convention in Orlando, FL.
They met when she lived in New York and he was in Florida. She'd become Xbox Live friends with his roommate, and they slowly started to play games together, regularly. When he didn't show up online one day during the time they usually played, she sent him a message and her phone number.
"I was drawn to her laugh," John said in a phone interview with MTV News earlier this week. "I had made her laugh a few times and thought her laugh was kind of cute."They played "Halo" as teammates. As they were falling in love, they tended to protect each other a lot, watching each other's back as lasers and grenades fell around them. And in an act of sacrifice only possible during a blossoming romance, Desirai agreed to take Dramamine so she could last through three-hour binges of campaign mode on "Halo 3" with John without getting motion sickness.
That's true love.
That IS true love. Don't give up readers, there's hope for you yet. The wedding goes down January 17th and I'm totally gonna crash it (with permission). God and booze willing, I'll even make out with a bridesmaid. Oh, and apparently the event is receiving some negative attention regarding the couple's decision to go with a video game themed wedding. Which, I think we can all agree, is utterly freaking stupidtalk. I've got news for you folks: I got married in a non-Halo themed ceremony, and you know what? That marriage went straight to shit. Coincidence? No.
A heartfelt congratulations to the husband-and-wife to be.
Halo' Wedding Planned By Two Video Game Fans; Master Chief Will Officiate [mtv]
Thanks to evilcharismatic, my woman on the inside, who promises to keep me posted on the awesomeness as it develops. Expect a followup post after the event.
Dec 15 2008 What Does That Say?: Questionable BIOS
Who wouldn't boot in Hard Dick Mode?
Photo [photobucket]
Thanks to twatz0r, who, despite sending a tip, still called me a dick.
Dec 15 2008 Sure, Why Not?: 'Fanboys' Plan To Break Into To George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch
This is a preview for 'Fanboys', a movie about a group of nerds that want to break into George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch. But, as a guy whose been there, I've got to tell you: not all that exciting. Oh, and porn dungeon. Wait, make that alien porn dungeon. The dude's a freak.
Make sure to head over to Iwatchstuff for all you breaking movie news. The guy knows his stuff. And also, where you live. Don't f*** with him.
Official Site
Thanks to Lee, who once worked on a project with George but had to bail when he realized he couldn't agree with Lucas' facial hair.
Dec 14 2008 Rap Album Covers Get Minifig'd
Let's face it, rap and LEGO go together like heavy metal and Lincoln Logs: they were freaking made for each other. So it comes as no surprise that somebody went and remade a bunch of album covers with LEGO minifigs. Am I right? Am I wrong? Am I drunk on a Sunday night? The answer to these questions and more after I puke in the hallway!
UPDATE: Probably not, probably, yes, reddish-orange, eleven.
Hit the jump for several more of my favorites, and a link to the gallery with even more.
Dec 13 2008 Apple Apples Sadly Aren't McIntosh
Some Apple fan in Japan, one who owns a Fuji apple orchard, decided to profess his love for Macs in the only way he knows how, by growing fruit with the Apple logo and little pictures of iPods on them. How did he achieve the feat? Simply -- with stickers. You just put a sticker on an apple while it ripens, take it off when picked, and presto -- an iPod apple. What about the stickers makes the images appear? F***ing sorcery! And that, my friends, is scientific.
Hit the jump for a close-up.
Dec 13 2008 Woman Leaves Berlin Wall For Garden Fence
A 54-year old woman who was married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years is now cheating on the iconic landmark with a local garden fence.
Mrs Berliner-Mauer (Berlin Wall), who has been diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality, claimed she fell in love with the wall when she first saw it on TV as a child. She began collecting "his" pictures and saving up for visits. On her sixth trip in 1979 they tied the knot before a handful of guests.
"The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he's too thick - my husband is sexier."While she remains a virgin with humans, she insists she had a full, loving relationship with the wall.
WTF! Sadly, since the destruction of the wall in 1989, she hasn't been back to visit her lover and has "shifted her affections to a nearby garden fence."
Wow, cheating on the Berlin Wall with a common garden fence -- that's like leaving John Holmes for The Geekologie Writer. HIYO! Just kidding, I'm hung like a, well, it's not really long enough to hang. :(
Woman married Berlin Wall [ananova]
Thanks to Megan, who wanted to marry the Sistine Chapel until she met me.
Dec 12 2008 Mmmm, The Dessert Of Gods: Meat Cake
If Jesus wasn't too busy telling that fat f***er Santa to shit down my chimney, maybe I'd bake him a meat-cake for his birthday.
Hit the jump to see a pictorial on how to create your own meat cake, which basically involves making three giant hamburgers, gluing them together with ketchup, and frosting the bitch with mashed potatoes. Bon appetite!
Dec 12 2008 NYU To Offer Video Game Degree Next Fall
NYU will be offering degrees in the design and development of video games starting fall 2009. Load up on Mountain Dew, kids, it's time to get your learn on.
The NYU Game Center, launching in fall 2009, will make NYU the first New York City college to offer such a degree, and one of the few in the country.
"It will do a lot to attract new students to New York and raise the city's profile as a center for gaming," said Center for an Urban Future deputy director Tara Colton, who recently called out New York City for lagging behind its competition in tapping into the videogame market.Drawing from a private $1 million contribution, and a $200,000 Rockefeller grant, the center will initially be modest in scale. NYU plans to offer ten to twelve students the chance to choose from 70 courses in game design and development next year, with a two-year masters program set to launch in 2010.
Cool. I mean, I'd probably still fail out, but at least the subject material would be cooler than the stuff I learned. Which was nothing. Well, that's not entirely true. I made bongs and shit. And also, radiator wine. You know, by setting bottles of apple juice on the radiator in front of the window for a semester. You ever done that before? My f***, it gets you some drunk.
NYU Launching Videogame Degree Next Fall [shacknews]
Thanks to Alexandria, The Reigning Queen of Nerdopia, who just earned herself an honorary doctorate in awesome from the University of Geekologie.
Dec 12 2008 No More Going Bare Chest: Geeky T-Shirts
This is a gallery of geeky t-shirt designs from some guy named Glenn Jones. Hit the jump for a bunch more of my favorites and a link to his store which has even more. They're all $20 a pop and the perfect thing to keep you from showing your tits this holiday season. Unless you're a chick and into that. In which case I call a motorboat.
Hit it for the rest.
Continue Reading " No More Going Bare Chest: Geeky T-Shirts "
Dec 12 2008 That's It, I'm Moving: Robotic Statistics
Africa -- who's coming with me?
Hit the jump for two more graphics I didn't bother looking at because I'm too busy throwing clothes in a suitcase.
Continue Reading " That's It, I'm Moving: Robotic Statistics "
Dec 12 2008 But Can I Smoke It?: The Wii Hemp-Mote
No -- it's hemp, not chronic. But that didn't stop modder Dhreck, who may or may not smoke the f*** out of the sticky-icky (hint: he does), from wrapping a Wii-mote in the stuff.
The Hemp-Mote is absolutely playable, all buttons, accelerometers and the infrared camera accounted for. Unfortunately its exterior is also quite fragile and prone to degeneration, being in the raw state that it is.
Using saws and files I removed most of the hard plastic shells, then rebuild the underlying shapes using modeling putty. After Smoothing the result out with fine grained sandpaper I give the whole a quick black paint job to ensure eventual gaps didn't stand out too much. Tadaa, a base to wrap stuff around.
Good looking, Dhreck. I'd post some pictures of my potted PS3 controller but my roommate smoked it. So you know what I did? I killed him and made a bong out of his bones. But not the skull! That's a candy dish.
Hit the jump for several more views and a link to Dhreck's work.
Dec 12 2008 Sweet: Wicked Zelda Papercraft Models
Zelda. I almost named my dog Zelda. But then I realized the real princess probably wouldn't eat cat shit, so I didn't. Anyway, this is a papercraft model of Link's hat and hair from Twilight Princess. But it's only one of a million different Zelda models available over at Nintendo Papercraft (which has tons of other Nintendo characters as well). If you're good with scissors and glue go check them out, make some, then send them to me. I'm not allowed to use scissors anymore because I cut my own hair once when my mom wasn't paying attention. Then I ate it. It tasted hairy.
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more of my favorites, then check out the link for tons and tons more.
Dec 12 2008 Invasion Of Privacy: Scientists Aim To Extract Images/Dreams Directly From Your Brain
A team of Japanese researchers believe they're well on the way to developing a technology capable of displaying whatever is on a person's mind. Including pictures, dreams, and, God willing, sex with dinosaurs.
While the team for now has managed to reproduce only simple images from the brain, they said the technology could eventually be used to figure out dreams and other secrets inside people's minds.
"It was the first time in the world that it was possible to visualize what people see directly from the brain activity," the private institute said in a statement."By applying this technology, it may become possible to record and replay subjective images that people perceive like dreams."
Say, this reminds me of one of my own favorite dreams: I exit my cave wearing only an animal pelt. I spot a triceratops -- it catches my gaze. I approach and begin tenderly rubbing its horns while making cooing sounds. The beast gores me. I lay in the mud, bleeding to death. With my last breath I reach out to touch its genitals and....it crushes my arm with a single stomp from one of its massive legs. i wake from the dream dripping sweat, and also, other stuff. Damn -- I should write romance novels!
Dreams may no longer be secret with Japan computer screen [yahoonews]
Thanks to austin, Derrick, Ain and Zombie Bob, who have the ability to make your dreams come true, but only if you buy their set of instructional video for three easy payments of $39.95.
Dec 12 2008 Mmmm: Fondant-y Nikon D700 DSLR Cake
Some woman's husband had a bakery make her a Nikon D700 cake, then he gave her the actual camera afterward. How romantic. Well, not as romantic as presenting your wife with a cake that looks like two hands, then giving her the clap, but, pfft, what is?
Hit the jump for a bunch more from all angles.
Dec 11 2008 LED And Time: A Photographic Gallery
I don't have much more info on these pictures except they were made by Picasa user magnus mouse using LEDs and lasers with a really long exposure. Just like they used to do in the olden days except with a flashlight or a sparkler. So yeah, a laser + long exposure = cool effect. But a laser + my penis = an even cooler effect. PEW PEW! Oh, careful -- don't wanna blind you.
Hit it for a bunch more and a link to the gallery.
Dec 11 2008 6-Wheeled Sports Car Makes It To Production
The Covini Six Wheeler (C6W) needs a new name but does have six wheels. It looks kind of like a Ferrari whose mother downed too much ethanol during pregnancy. So why the six wheels?
The Covini Six Wheeler takes its engineering inspiration from the 1976 Tyrell P34 race car which had two pairs of smaller front wheels that were intended to increase air penetration and have a smaller frontal area effectively reducing drag.
The ideas behind the Tyrell P34 don't necessarily translate to the C6W, though Ferruccio Covini, the company's founder, gives the following reasons for creating his modern-day six-wheeler:• Less risk of front tires deflating
• Less risk of aquaplaning
• Better braking
• Better grip
• Better comfort
• Better absorption of frontal impact
• Better stupid looking
• Better support for fatties
• Better vroom vroom (1.5x)
• Better why the f*** not?
• Better not steal my rims!
• Better to run you over with
• Better not pout, better not cry
• Or Santa will fondle you in your sleep
• The elves will take pictures
• And they will wind up on the internet
• Rule 34
Hit the jump for several more pictures and two videos, the first of which is track footage, the second of which is still photos.
Continue Reading " 6-Wheeled Sports Car Makes It To Production "
Dec 11 2008 Oh Snap, There's A Zune Phone Coming!
Or is there? I don't know, I'm not good at speculation. But I am good at making shit up. And also, making out. Ladies?
According to Trip Chowdhry, an analyst at Global Equities Research, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer will announce a Zune-style mobile device during his keynote address at the upcoming Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, on January 7, 2009. In an article in Barron's, Chowdhry claims that the company's new centerpiece will combine the best features of the Zune media player with the hardware design of Danger's mobile Sidekick, in addition to "motion enhancement features," like an accelerometer.
Basically, this means the device will come with a physical keyboard like HTC's G1 and will likely feature a larger screen to accommodate heavy multimedia elements. And since we're all here copying each other's mobile phone features, we'll be shocked if the Zune phone doesn't feature multitouch capabilities.
Wow, way to make my new-phone boner shrivel like a century-old prune. Microsoft, Microsoft, Microsoft. Did you not learn anything from yesterday's lesson? Are you trying to drop hints about a new phone or not? If so, this is how it's done:
Steve Ballmer: Zune phone? Who said anything about a Zune phone? Psyche -- gimme them digits, bitches! BA-DOW!
Remember Microsoft, I'm still available for hire.
Rumor: Zune Phone Is Coming to CES 2009 [wired]
Thanks to Ain, who doesn't need a cellphone because he has two tin cans and long piece of string in his treefort.
Dec 11 2008 Love: A Zelda Cosplay Girls Gallery *Swoon*
By now all you regulars know about my affinity for Zelda. And for you newcomers: I have an affinity for Zelda. So what better way to share my love of the princess than to, uh, post a bunch of pictures of chicks dressed as Link? I know, I'm confused too. But that hasn't stopped these amorous feelings. I'm especially digging the tall one in green on the left. I freaking love a chick that's cool not shaving her legs. RAWR!
Hit the jump for a ton more of the two in red and blue, who are actually chicks, I swear.
Continue Reading " Love: A Zelda Cosplay Girls Gallery *Swoon* "
Dec 11 2008 Geekologie Reader Ingenuity: The Ass Towel
I know not all of you readers are FAKE! asshats. I'm sure some of you are actually good people, who make a valued contribution to society. And some of you are straight pervs. And others, like reader David, are inventors. David developed a towel that helps solve the age-old "did I just wipe my face with ass?" conundrum.
I've had this idea for a while. I've come to the conclusion that I'm never getting around to getting it made, so I at least want it publicized.
An ordinary towel right? Correct.But, it has a distinct blue square in a not so used area of the towel.
Maybe I'm a slob, but I usually don't get a new towel every single day. And, I've got to dry my entire body. Some of which don't always get 100% clean.
I dry my ass, then the next day I use that same spot on the towel to dry my face. There it is, and it sucks.
The blue square is the designated section of the towel to dry your ass.
Genius, David. This is exactly the kind of ingenuity I expect from Geekologie readers. I really want these made. Then I could finally stop drying my ass with my roommate's toothbrush.
Thanks David, remind me to bring my own towel to the slumber party.
Dec 11 2008 Pfft, Hearts Are Overrated Anyways
If God wasn't too busy spiting me every morning, he'd eat this shit for breakfast.
Hit the jump for a picture of the finished product.
Dec 11 2008 Wrong, Just Plain Wrong: The TwoDaLoo
The TwoDaLoo is a toilet made for two. Just the thought of it disgusts me.
The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use ... at the exact same time. It brings couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. An upgraded version includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station.
Oh yeah, because a "modest privacy wall" makes it all okay. WTF! Available now for wholesale, the units cost $1,400 apiece and the minimum order is 12. So yeah, you ever shit out in the open with 23 other people before? *sniffle* God, I miss college.
Thanks Tali, like they say: a family that shits together, uh, starts to look at each other differently.
Dec 11 2008 NSFW: What Did I Just Watch?
This is a NSFW (language) mashup video featuring awesomeness. I swear, I love myself a good mashup. Also, the girl with the pink wig in the video. *wikipedia-ing* Scratch that, 17.
Most Improbable Lil Jon Mashup Ever [collegehumor]
Thanks to chefferson and Matt, who actually watch this show on Saturday mornings.
Dec 10 2008 No Need To Thank Me Folks, Just Doing My Job: More Cosplayish Hotness Featuring Marie-Claude Bourbonnais As, Uh, Something
Remember Marie-Claude Bourbonnais? She was the chick dressed up as Caitlin Fairchild from Gen¹³. Well the photographer of both shoots, Gil P, contacted me with the lowdown on this new set, which features Marie-Claude modeling a Gear of War inspired outfit.
You know, there comes a time in every high-profile anonymous blogger's life when he realizes that sometimes, you don't need to type any more words -- that a picture can speak thousands of them on its own. So I'll just let these photos speak for themselves, which, I think we can all agree, speak volumes. No, boobumes.
Hit the jump for three more, and links to more of Marie-Claude and Gil P's work, including some of Marie-Claude's bare necessities.
Dec 10 2008 Pervert Inventor Le Trung Still Working On Building Robot Girlfriend, Wasting Money
Remember Le Trung? The last time we saw him he was busy groping his robotic lover. Well not much has changed in the interim: he's still going strong, perfecting "fem-bot" Aiko to be his wife.
Inventor Le Trung, 33, created Aiko, said to be "in her 20s" with a stunning 32, 23, 33 figure, shiny hair and delicate features.
Pfft, she's not a day over 14 you sick bastard.
"So far she can understand and speak 13,000 different sentences in English and Japanese, so she's already fairly intelligent. "When I need to do my accounts, Aiko does all the maths. She is very patient and never complains."He said he did not build Aiko as a sexual partner, but said she could be tweaked to become one. "Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm and reacting to touch as if she is playing hard to get or being straight to the point," he said.
Sex. With. A. Robot. *HORF*
"Fem-bot" Aiko, who has cost £14,000 (~$21,000) to build so far, is a whizz at maths and even does Le's accounts.Le, a scientific genius from Brampton in Ontario, Canada, said he never had time to find a real partner so he designed one using the latest technology.
Scientific genius my ass. Scientific geniuses don't blow twenty grand building robotic girlfriends. No, scientific geniuses build rocketships to blast off into space and f*** aliens. This is the word of The Geekologie Writer. Amen.
One more of the cute couple after the jump.
Dec 10 2008 How Not To Maintain Your Fake ID Business
If you sell fake I.D.s, it's best to not advertise that shit all over your Escort LX (or is it?). You can profess your love for Jesus all you want, but keep the I.D. business on the low. Apparently the genius behind this operation (who was clearly focusing his efforts on the Hispanic market) was running the mobile I.D. generating business right out of the car -- which was found to contain both computer and card printer. Great idea there buddy, but piss-poor execution. You should have been a little more discreet in your advertising. Something like, "Born Jesus, but want to be John? Ask me how." See how I even tied in the whole religion thing there? It's called brilliance, folks, and I'm full of it(!).
Thanks to Dan, who may or not be selling fake Blockbuster cards out of his Taurus.
Dec 10 2008 Craft Time!: Make Your Own Zombie Barbie
Want to make your own zombified Barbie doll? No problem. All it takes is some paint, a razor blade, some Sculpey, a regular Barbie doll, and some brains (!). Hit the jump to see the basic process, which is so simple even a zombie could do it (!). Ha, this reminds me of when I was a kid and I'd always steal my little sister's Barbies and rip their heads off and set them on fire. Without fail the brat would always threatening to tell mom on me. So you know what I did? I told her I'd murder her imaginary friend if she even thought about it. Love you Kaitlyn!
Hit it for a bunch more, including the process.
Continue Reading " Craft Time!: Make Your Own Zombie Barbie "
Dec 10 2008 Firebreathing Dog Robot Will Ruin Your Day
This firebreathing robot-dog-beast-cycle (inappropriately named Lrry) was made entirely out of recycled materials by the Mutoid Waste Company in London. "Why?", you ask. "Why not?", the makers reply. "Because that f***er's gonna kill us all!", you scream while throwing an empty beer can and lacing up your running shoes. Perfectly at home at any monster truck rally, Lrry is guaranteed to melt your face off then trample your body. And, seriously, what better way to go? You know, besides every other way, excluding impalement.
Hit the Kris Kross will make you jump jump for a video of the doomsday machine in action.
Continue Reading " Firebreathing Dog Robot Will Ruin Your Day "
Dec 10 2008 Microsoft 'Software', A New Clothing Line
Yes, for real. Microsoft is launching a clothing line named Software. I don't get the pun, but I'm sure it's funny. Hit the jump for three more available styles, all of which have a retro feel to them (including Bill's mugshot). So -- who's buying? Anybody? Apparently this is all part of Microsoft's new marketing campaign. But, I've got to tell you, Microsoft: your marketing dollars would go a lot further if you just bought up all the advertising space on Geekologie. And also, hired me as your spokesperson. Check out this new slogan I've been working on:
Microsoft - Macrohard when you need it to be.
BOOYA! That was a freebie, the rest you'll have to pay for.
Hit it for the other shirts.
Continue Reading " Microsoft 'Software', A New Clothing Line "
Dec 10 2008 WTF?: When (Cardboard) Rhinos Attack
This is a Japanese zoo's training video on what to do in the unlikely event that a cardboard rhino with two guys standing underneath it escape from its habitat. Looks like a lot of poking it with sticks, banging on metal buckets, and eventually tranquilizing the horny bastard. Also, make sure its ear breaks off when you finally down the beast. Good to know!
Weird 'Rhino Escape' Training Video [weirdasianews]
Thanks to Chris, who noted that a bottle of overproof rum and a lit cigarette would have sorted the situation out romantically.
Dec 10 2008 Oops!: Girl Loses Virginity, Texts Her Dad
Elizabeth Frisinger, 18, lost her virginity on the beach during a senior class trip. Then she accidentally texted her dad, telling him about it. Woops! Gotta be careful with the iPhone texting app, Lizzy, it's easy to text the wrong person. Seriously though, sweetheart, this could have been much worse. Just kidding -- you're totally f***ed! It could have only been worse if, instead of texting your dad, he was there. HIYO!
Meet Elizabeth Frisinger: She lost her virginity and accidentally texted her dad [inquisitr]
Thanks to Alejandro, who's smart enough to only email mom and dad about his sexual conquests.
Dec 9 2008 I'd Eat It: Video Game Inspired Bento Boxes
Mmmm, bento boxes. They combine two of my favorite things. Bento. And boxes. Apparently Anna the red makes these delicious lunches for her boyfriend, who might very well be the luckiest guy in the world. You don't want to lose this one, boyfriend-guy. Hold on tight, man. Then yell RODEO!
Hit the jump for the rest, including some Yoshi, Professor Layton, Companion Cube and WALL-E action.
Continue Reading " I'd Eat It: Video Game Inspired Bento Boxes "
Dec 9 2008 Good Job: Steampunk'd Star Wars Characters
We've already seen steampunk'd Star Wars here on Geekologie. First in LEGO form, then as a Vader helmet, then figurines, and, most recently, a steamy little R2. Well recently, the Society of Digital Artists held a little Steampunk Star Wars contest, and these are some of the winners. Now tell me, does being all Victorian make Princess Leia any less bangable?
A: No, provided she remove the burning coals from her vajayjay.
Hit the jump for several more winners.
Continue Reading " Good Job: Steampunk'd Star Wars Characters "
Dec 9 2008 NSFW! SNL Short Is The Story Of My Life
NSFW! And also, the story of my life. Seriously, these guys should hire me -- I've got tons of this material.
Thanks to Wilson and Jay, who swear they've never had this problem.
Dec 9 2008 Ooooh, Stoplight-y!: The Kisai Tenmetsu
The Kisai Tenmetsu is the latest in wrist bad-assery available from Tokyoflash. It's a definite departure from a lot of the other designs.
Three LEDs positioned beneath each lens allow a transition between LED colors creating a look never before seen. A continuous line running between the lenses and through the wrist band provides perfect balance and a sweeping animation effect adds character to the design.
The time is displayed in two stages: hours, then minutes. Red LEDs are 15 units of time, amber 5, and green 1. Add them together to find out the time. Adding is fun! The Tenmetsu is available now in both black and silver, and will set you back $257. And contrary to popular belief, no, Tokyoflash does not pay my bills. I blog for no one. Well, that's not entirely true, you see, I blog for Jesus, folks. And, okay, loose women. Isn't that right ladies? Oh, come on -- free chocolate!
One more shot after the jump.
Continue Reading " Ooooh, Stoplight-y!: The Kisai Tenmetsu "
Dec 9 2008 Don't Stand Too Close To A Cuckoo Speaker!
The cuckoo speaker may look like an ordinary speaker, but when the music gets loud enough the speaker in the bottom pops out like one of those spring-loaded boxing gloves! I bet it sounds like shit! But regardless, to compliment the speaker, I've come up with a similar idea for televisions. Check this out: so it looks like a regular TV, right? But when there are naked chicks on the screen my pants shoot off! Move over Thomas Edison, your ass just got invented son!
Cuckoo Loudspeaker pushes the speaker into the room [dvice]
Dec 9 2008 The End Is Nigh!: Hovering Robot Of Death
Wonder how you're gonna die? By this thing, the Missile Agency's Multiple Kill Vehicle-L (MKV-L).
The MKV-L mission is to destroy medium through intercontinental-range ballistic missiles equipped with multiple warheads or countermeasures by using a single interceptor missile. During an actual hostile ballistic missile attack, the carrier vehicle with its cargo of small kill vehicles will maneuver into the path of an enemy missile. Using tracking data from the Ballistic Missile Defense System and its own seeker, the carrier vehicle will dispense and guide the kill vehicles to destroy any warheads or countermeasures.
Missile destroyer my ass, we're all freaking dead. Game over man, game over!
The hovering Multiple Kill Vehicle is simply a waking nightmare [engadget]
Thanks to Mike, Jake and Leigh, who know I love thinking about the robot apocalypse almost as much as I love things being jammed in my pee-hole.
Dec 9 2008 Sure, Why Not?: A Keyboard For Blondes
The Keyboard For Blondes is a real $50 product. What makes it for blondes? Well, it has some questionably clever keys in place of the standard ones, comes complete with audio, and a lovely pink coloration.
The all-pink keyboard swaps out standard keys with funnier, dumber key names. The backspace key now says "Oops!" and the entire row of function keys spells out USELESS KEYS. Hit the "$" sign and you get the sound of a cash register clinking.
Blondes can even get a little technical and use special keys that type out "OMG," "ALI" (Absolutely Love It!) or "XOXO." My favorite? The caps lock key now says: "Warning! size XXL letters."
ZOMG, too funny! Go here to see a high-res picture of the peripheral, then stab yourself for even thinking about buying it for somebody. Then buy it for somebody. Then stab yourself again for pissing away $50. Then return it. Then bandage yourself up for doing the right thing. Alternatively, I'll wear a blonde wig while we're having sex and you can call me dumb. Haha, no sneaking in the ass!
Product Page
via
OMG! It's a Keyboard for Blondes [msn]
Thanks to Romeo, Crystal and Jeff, who don't need keyboards because they can all type with their minds. Or voice recognition software, whatever.
Dec 9 2008 Pentagon PEWing For Guided Bullet Tech
The Pentagon is tossing $22 million at developing guided bullet technology that would enable a bullet to change course midflight because it wasn't shot right first in the first place, the wind changed, or the head you were aiming at moved. *closing blinds* Greeeaaaaat.
Darpa won't say, publicly, how far, how long and how accurate they want the new bullets to be -- all that information is classified. But they will say that Exacto should contain a next-gen scope, a guidance system that provides information to direct the projectile, an "actively controlled .50-caliber projectile that uses this information for real-time directional flight control," and a rifle. "Technologies of interest may include: fin-stabilized projectiles, spin-stabilized projectiles, internal and/or external aero-actuation control methods, projectile guidance technologies, tamper proofing, small stable power supplies, and advanced sighting, optical resolution and clarity technologies."
Hey Darpa, I hate to ruin the party, but guided bullets already exist. They're called missiles. Yeah, they're laser guided and they shoot out of my penis. PEW on this, moneywasters! Oh, just a minute. *PSSH* Oh -- *PSSSSHHH* Aaaahh -- *PSSSSSHOOOOOOOOW!!*
Pentagon Shoots $22 Million Into Guided-Bullet Tech [wired]
Thanks to Erick, who came up with that PEW *WHOOSH* PEW thing, and never misses the urinal.
Dec 8 2008 'Tis The Season: For A Sexy Cosplay Gallery
No need to thank me folks, I ambushed Santa at Wal-Mart (the one ringing the bell outside) and stole his present bag. Inside? A bunch of cosplay pictures -- the bearded old man's a perv! Anyways, I've decided to share them with you, since it's the season of giving or whatever. There's a bunch more video game chicks after the jump, most of which are more scantily clad than Zelda, but none sexier. Are you still reading this shit? Hit the gallery already, this is just filler. Oh, and follow the link for a lot more, in higher resolution.
Push the button and receive a boner.
Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: For A Sexy Cosplay Gallery "
Dec 8 2008 ISS Orbiting Toolbag Filmed From Earth
Remember last month when a NASA toolbag accidentally floated off into space during a repair to the International Space Station (if not, video after the jump. Skip to about 0:55 to see the loss)?
Endeavor astronaut Heidi Stefanyshyn-Piper's loss has turned out to be an amateur star gazers' event of the season. The $100,000 tool bag slipped out of her reach and floated into space while she was trying to clean up a greasy mess on the starboard section of the space station. The tool bag is now dubbed ISS Toolbag and is orbiting the Earth. According to Space.com, Edward Light spotted the orbiting tool bag using 10 x 50 binoculars from his backyard in Lakewood, New Jersey.
The orbiting tool bag weighs approximately 30-pounds. It measures 20-inches wide and 12-inches long. The tool bag contains two grease guns, a scraper tool, a large trash bag and a small debris bag. Given the size and dim magnitude of the orbiting tool bag, star gazers will need binoculars or a small telescope to view it.
The video above is actual footage of the bag sailing by. Go here and enter your ZIP code to find out when and were to look to see the toolbag for yourself. Alternatively, come over to my place around six when my roommate gets home.
Hit the jump for the loss video.
Dec 8 2008 Build Your Own Paper Airplane Launcher
Want to launch paper airplanes but don't have any arms? Then good luck folding one in the first place. But for those of you that are lazy or just don't know when to let go comes the $18 Electric Paper Plane Launcher from Urban Outfitters.
Ready for take off. Take your paper airplane experience to electrifying new heights with The Electric Paper Plane Launcher! This fun kit was designed at Middlesex University, one of the leading design Universities in the UK. With simple assemble, you can discover how spinning motors and plastic discs can be used to launch a plane at over 30 mph!
Oh boy, I can't wait to discover how spinning motors and plastic disks can be used to launch a plane! You think it's anything like discovering how spinning motors and sharp metal disks can be used to cut your freaking fingers off?
Thanks to krabivana, who launches planes the old fashioned way, with explosives.
Dec 8 2008 Will You Marry Me?: Another Pokeman Fanatic
As many of you probably don't know because I'm just now making it up, I love Pokemon. Pikachu, that lovable little electric turd, really does something to me. Something deep down in my heart, near the cockles. And I just found out I'm not the only one! That's right, this crazy chick is even more Pokemontastic than yours truly. And that's saying a lot (reference legally changing name and having sex with a stuffed animal). Just check out all that crap! That's a lot of crap! Hit the link to see even more, including a decked out Pokemon car! WTF! Amazingly, this woman can probably still have sex in that room, so why can't I? I show a girl my bedroom (aka Pikachu's Pleasure Dome) and she's running for the door almost as soon as the Pokemon theme starts playing. Can somebody say double standard? And also, double bed. Just saying, Pikachu sheets. Ladies?
Hit the jump for more of what even weekly meetings can't help.
Continue Reading " Will You Marry Me?: Another Pokeman Fanatic "
Dec 8 2008 Why?: The Type-From-The-Back Keyboard
The Grippity is a real product that will be hitting shelves mid next year for about a hundred bones (big ones, like arm and leg bones -- not the little ones in your ear). I question its usefulness. But then again, I question the usefulness of my third leg too. It drags on the ground, so, I dunno, maybe it's for stability.
You get a full QWERTY keyboard that allows for eight-finger typing yoga straight from the back, while a couple of triggers behind double up as mouse buttons. The learning curve for this would be pretty steep as you will probably have to forget about everything you know and start over. Nice to see the Grippity come with an orientation sensor that enables the 60 QWERTY keys to double up as hot keys whenever the unit is flipped over.
Cool, yes, but why? Like drinking a gallon of milk in an hour, just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Unless a friend bets against you, in which case it becomes a matter of pride. And projectile vomiting.
Hit the jump to see a picture of the back.
Dec 8 2008 Amazing Battlestar Galactica Case Mod
There are case mods, and then there are case mods. And then there's this Battlestar Galactic case by L337 modder Boddaker.
This liquid-cooled work of art has a numerous video screens, a side window hidden by a servo-controlled door, and a slot-loading DVD drive that lets you see its disc spinning through its semi-transparent front.
Freaking amazing. You've really got to see the rest of the pictures and video after the jump to fully appreciate the case. Boddaker clearly has some wicked modding skills. AND modeling skills. Dude can really strut his stuff on the catwalk like nobody's business. In all seriousness though, I'm too sexy for my shirt.
Hit it for the rest of the amazingosity.
Dec 8 2008 Eye Candy: Aurora Borealis From Space
This is a time-lapse video made of still images by astronaut Don Pettit aboard the International Space Station. It shows the Aurora Borealis in all its auroral beauty -- from space. And while it's not THE most beautiful thing I've ever seen, it's second only to the boobs I saw yesterday.
Thanks to Larry, who apologizes for saying Dan stinks but will still see him on the hike tomorrow rain or shine. Just be careful guys, and don't get f***ed by any bears.
Dec 8 2008 Gun Booze Dispenser Just Makes Good Sense
Let's face it, guns and booze go together like trebuchets and LSD: they were made for each other. So the $22 Shots Gun Drink Dispenser comes as no surprise. You just jam the topper (complete with holster) on a bottle, pump the pump, and PEW PEW drinks to your hearts content. Load Bacardi 151 or everclear and a lighter and your gun magically transforms into a flamethrower! *PEW PEW* Whee! Oh -- *WHOOOOSH* Haha, my cubicle's on fire. MEDIC!
Shots Gun Drink Dispenser makes you the new Sheriff in town [slipperybrick]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who never drinks without packing heat. And also, Mylanta. The dude drinks some pretty nasty shit.
Dec 7 2008 Man, AKA The Cheeseburglar, Assaults Girlfriend With Cheesy Deliciousness
Vincent Gonzalez assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. He's currently in the slammer with charges of battery, domestic violence and destruction of deliciousness.
The victim told sheriff's deputies that she was eating with boyfriend Vincent Gonzales in her car when the two began arguing. When she threw his drink out of the car window, he retaliated by hitting her in the face with a cheeseburger. He then pulled her from the car and struck her with the sandwich several more times.
Vincent, you stupid f***. Hands (and burgers) off women. I swear, I have a good mind to beat you within inches of your life with a footlong meatball sub. Eat fresh, bitch!
Man behind bars after hitting woman in face with cheeseburger [kare11]
Thanks to ...In America!, who once hit ....in Canada! with a chili dog.
Dec 7 2008 Wait, What?: Medical Handgun Coming Soon
The Palm Pistol is a single-shot firearm aimed (!) at folks who may have trouble shooting a regular gun and probably shouldn't be anyways. The company behind the weapon hopes to have it classified as a medical device for the elderly and people with arthritis. Holy shit.
"It's something that they need to assist them in daily living," says Matthew Carmel, president of Constitution Arms in Maplewood, New Jersey, which hopes to manufacture the Palm Pistol - now just a patent and specifications. "The justification for this would be no more or less for a [walking aid] or wheelchair, or any number of things that are medical devices," he says.
Wow, now I want a medical ninja sword.
Ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have limited strength or manual dexterity. Using the thumb instead of the index finger for firing, it significantly reduces muzzle drift, one of the principal causes of inaccurate targeting. Point and shoot couldn't be easier.
Point and shoot couldn't be easier. More like point and shooting yourself in the freaking leg (aka Plaxicoing) couldn't be easier. Seriously though, my grandpa has arthritis and lives in a bad part of the assisted living facility, I'm getting him one.
UPDATE: Right, Alzheimer's -- the old coot shot me!
Company tries to get gun classed as medical device [newscientist]
Thanks to Spikey and Bordmanator, who only fire headshots.
Dec 6 2008 Dude, Stop Boggarting The Stash: 2,700 Year Old Pot Found Buried In Gobi Desert Grave
Scientists unearthed two pounds of chronic in a Gobi Desert grave this week. The herb, which is believed to have been buried some 2,700 years ago, breaks the previous record for oldest marijuana stash by 2,700 years.
The size of seeds mixed in with the leaves, along with their color and other characteristics, indicate the marijuana came from a cultivated strain. Before the burial, someone had carefully picked out all of the male plant parts, which are less psychoactive, so Russo and his team believe there is little doubt as to why the cannabis was grown.
No shit there's little doubt why the cannabis was grown.
What is in question, however, is how the marijuana was administered, since no pipes or other objects associated with smoking were found in the grave.
Three words folks: up the ass. Try it sometime.
World's oldest marijuana stash totally busted [msnbc]
Thanks to Eric and Matty, who know to pass to the left.
Dec 6 2008 Yes Please: An A-10 Warthog Motorcycle
The A-10 Thunderbolt II (aka Warthog) is a plane that never fails to make me swoon. I don't know if it's the styling or the 30mm Gatling gun in it's mouth, but my god does that plane do something to me. And now the guys over at ICON Motorsports have gone and made an A-10 inspired motorcycle. Complete with 800-watt sound system, 8-inch LCD screen and minigun, the bike is clearly ready for combat. And by combat I obviously mean me in my "If you can read this, my bitch fell off" t-shirt.
Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups and a little artsy film ICON made for the bike.
Dec 5 2008 Tipping With TNT: Pole Dancing Stripper-Bots
As a vehement hater of all things robotic, these stripper-bots have me in quite the quandary. I f***ing hate robots, but my god do I love some strippers. So, what's the deal -- should I hate them? Should I love them? Should I still tip? Haha -- like I ever tipped in the first place!
Hit the jump for an older video of the pole-freaking robots at some concert. BBC video here.
Continue Reading " Tipping With TNT: Pole Dancing Stripper-Bots "
Dec 5 2008 U.K. Launches (Teddy) Bears To (Near) Space
The University of Cambridge, in cooperation with a bunch of school kids, ballooned four teddy bears to 30,000 meters. Because, I mean, why the hell not?
A helium balloon was used to get the bears up up and away flying to Near Space or the Edge of Space as it is known. The bears endured temperatures of minus 53 degrees on the three hour flight from Cambridge and all were returned safely to Earth.
The project was intended to "engage local schoolchildren in science and engineering" with young pupils making the Teddy-nauts' space-suits.
Oh yeah, making Teddy-naut suits, that's science and engineering for you. Let's see, the dumbass bear on the left doesn't even have a freaking helmet, so that poor bastard's long gone. And the one on the right....is that an inside out Doritos bag zip tied to his body? Wow. There was no good picture of the balloon they used, but we can only assume it was of the 'Get Well Soon' variety from the grocery store.
Photos of teddy bears in space [newslite]
Thanks to Charles, who once launched a polar bear into space with a single punch. The dude's strong.
Dec 5 2008 Wicked Awesome Original Mario Kart Song
First a real world Mario Kart video yesterday, and now a Mario Kart inspired emo song by Youtube user blinktwice4y. It's actually really freaking good. And it may or may not have made me cry. But if it did, it's only because I used to have that same Dirt Devil. :'(
Thanks to Krista, who could kick my ass on Rainbow Road any day.
Dec 5 2008 Geekologie Reader Gets Credit For Spider
Geekologie reader Dustin got partial credit (2/5 points!) for pulling the ol' picture of a spider trick on an algebra test in college. Good looking, Dustin! It's just too bad your teacher's a dick -- I think we can all agree that spider's easily a 3-pointer.
Thanks again Dustin, may all your future math tests be arachnid-y.
Dec 5 2008 Ninja Turtle + Poodle = TMNToodle, WTFoodle, Wrong, Just Plain Wrong
Wow. That poor f***er.
And if you think Leonardoodle there has it rough, just hit the jump to see a UFOodle, Chickoodle, Peadoodle, Camoodle, and Dragoodle.
Continue Reading " Ninja Turtle + Poodle = TMNToodle, WTFoodle, Wrong, Just Plain Wrong "
Dec 4 2008 Annoy Coworkers With The Annoyatron 2.0
The Annoyatron 2.0 is a little gadget that makes annoying noises at random so you can drive a very special coworker to the point of stabbing you and/or stealing your lunch from the communal fridge. The sounds are as follows:
-15kHz (Mosquito tone) (full volume)
-Cricket chirping (medium/low volume)
-IM Doorbell (low volume)
-Grating Electronic noise (full volume)
-Typical Electronic Beep (medium volume)
Just hide the little board in somebody's office, don your stab-proof jacket, and wait for the insanity to set in! Don't have a stab-proof jacket? Well you're in luck -- I happen to be selling them! They may just look like garbage bags, but you have The Geekologie Writer's personal guarantee they are real garbage bags.
Annoy-a-tron 2.0 Lets You to Slowly Drive Your Co-Workers Insane Just for Fun [gizmodo]
Thanks to 42 y/o undead warlock, who doesn't need an Annoyatron, because he's got warlock powers and shit.
Dec 4 2008 Red Shells: Guy Plays Mario Kart In Real Life
Some guy named Remi Gaillard decided it'd be a good idea to rock out with his go-kart out and play some Mario Kart in real life. This is the result. The graphics left a little something to be desired, but overall, awesome! Especially the *SPOILER ALERT* running away from the cops at the end. What -- don't blame me, you're the one that chose to read the spoiler before watching the movie. Jesus, exercise a little self control. Actually, just exercise a little period -- you look awful.
Thanks to Tom, Jay, and Nicolas, any of which would have red-shelled that little bitch back to the NES.
Dec 4 2008 Kinda Tacky: Diamond Plate Foosball Table
Foosball: the sport of champions. And by champions I mean those who like to drink in dark, smoke-filled bars. Which I freaking rule at! *high-five* Whoa, watch the drink buddy. So yeah, a $1,200 foosball table with diamond plate accents. This thing is straight tacky as shit but might look okay in a garage. Provided it's in pieces. Under a big blue tarp. With bricks holding it down. Geekologie: helping not sell your company's products since 2006.
Thanks to KXHone, who, along with yours truly, could school any of you mothers. Bring it!
Dec 4 2008 Geekologie Reader's Brother Makes Awesome Super Mario Inspired Gingerbread House
Loyal Geekologist Fally sent me a tip to show off the sweet-ass Super Mario gingerbread house her brother made with some friends. As you can see, it's freaking amazing. Certainly way better than anything I could ever make. And I'm not just saying that because I've never built a gingerbread house without it catching fire, but *BEEP BEEP BEEP* goddammit, not again.
Hit the jump for some closeups. Especially note the 'Super Mario Holiday' mosaic in the background, which was made out of individual candy pieces similar to the the Mario pushpin mosaic.
Dec 4 2008 Toby Jones Stores Your Stuff On The Cheap
God, I wish he offered a babysitting service too.
Thanks to Jake, who's used Toby's services and swears they're legit. Well, as legit as $11 storage can be.
Dec 4 2008 Terrorist LEGO Minifigs Stir Controversy
I can't say that I'm surprised, but apparently people are taking offense to LEGO minifigs that have been modded (by BrickArms) to resemble terrorists and Nazis.
Mohammed Shaffiq of Muslim organisation The Ramadhan Foundation told The Sun the figures were 'absolutely disgusting'. He said: 'It is glorifying terrorism - the makers should be ashamed. We should be coming together to unite against terrorism but how is that possible when children are playing with toys like this?'
Last night the business's founder Will Chapman said: 'It's not my intention to glorify terrorism or Nazis - but kids love the bad guys. He added: 'I can see why people might get offended but that is not what I'm trying to do. We have sold thousands and thousands of them.'
He later added: 'CHA-CHING!'
When reached for comment, the Geekologie Writer had this to say about the figures: 'Finally, terrorists versus Nazis! PEW PEW.'
Hit the jump for a few more of the offensive minifigs.
Continue Reading " Terrorist LEGO Minifigs Stir Controversy "
Dec 3 2008 Mad Skills: Amazing Digital Art Techniques
This is a gallery of several different exemplary digital painting techniques (sorry, no Star Wars porn here). I posted 10 of my favorites out of the 52, so make sure to check out the full gallery for the others. Some of the stuff is seriously mind boggling. Granted, I personally could have done better in Microsoft Paint, but that's just because I'm the l337 photohaxor. Even with both hands tied behind my back. And ball-gagged. And some leather-clad dude beating the shit out of me with a riding crop. Oh yeah, that's the stuff. I'm gonna....oh....oh....PAINT BUCKET TOOL!
Hit the jump for a bunch more and a link to the gallery.
Continue Reading " Mad Skills: Amazing Digital Art Techniques "
Dec 3 2008 Look, I'm A Magician!: Levitating Water
Levitating water isn't actually levitating at all. In fact, the shit's just falling. Like rocks. Rocks of water. Did that just blow your mind? It only LOOKS like it's levitating due to sorcery and, quite possibly, a little witchcraft as well. Fine, strobe lights. Regardless, it's still pretty damn cool, and I would definitely drink from it. I'd drink it dry! Like a desert. No oasis here folks, just a guy spooning a camel. And speaking of Camels: Joe. Who else had a crush on him?
Youtube
Thanks to Melissa, who thinks levitation is weak sauce because she can fly. I just want X-ray vision.
Dec 3 2008 Wicked!: Vincent Van Gogh Counter-strike Map
As a guy who's been playing Counter-strike since the fall of 1999, I've shot many of you poor bastards in the head time and time again. What can I say, I am the l337. So anyway, cartographer Nipper went and make a wicked Vincent Van Gogh inspired board in which all the textures were made using Van Gogh paintings. It looks pretty freaking awesome. Hit the jump for a video walkthrough of the map, which features many of the scenes from his most famous paintings. Seriously, it's worth a look. I mean, Jesus, the dude cut his ear off and gave it to a whore. Now that's a present. Also, I embedded the video in high quality because I want to get in your pants.
Hit it like a headshot for the video.
Continue Reading " Wicked!: Vincent Van Gogh Counter-strike Map "
Dec 3 2008 Out Of This World Deliciousness: Space Beer
Mmmm, space beer. It's the stuff my sci-fi fantasies are made of. Well, that, and the aquamarine breasts of alien chicks. Well now fantasy and reality collide -- with honest-to-God space beer (sort of)!
The beer will be made with barley -- to be harvested this weekend -- descended from seeds that spent five months in 2006 aboard the International Space Station.
Sapporo isn't planning to sell the special brew, at least for now, and hasn't decided how it will distribute the planned 100 bottles, Matsumura said.So far, scientists have not found any difference between space barley and the Earth-confined version, she said.
First of all, The Geekologie Writer clearly deserves a bottle. And secondly, have you tried the new beer on tap at the Mos Eisley Cantina? It's called PEW PEW Pilsner. BWAHAHHA HAHA! Han shot first! Whew *wiping tear* God I hate myself.
Japanese brewery to make beer from space barley [heraldtribune]
Thanks to Jumpin_J and Pat, who, for the tips, can each get a sip of my space brew. Backwash.
Dec 3 2008 Highly Questionable: Stoned Sesame Street
This is a Sesame Street ripoff featuring the Pot Cookie Monster. You know, because he loves pot cookies. Now as someone who's done several people's fair share of drugs in their life (do as I say kids, not as I do), I found it lacking. I question if the makers have ever actually made a GB out of a Mountain Dew 2-liter or eaten a peanut butter and mushroom sandwich. Just saying, I spoke to a parking cone for over an hour. Good people.
Thanks to Hunter, who knows the magic's in the butter. And also, the hat. We're on to you Frosty!
Dec 3 2008 Time Cube Clock Is Rarely An Actual Cube
The $12 Cube Clock is shaped like a cube at noon and midnight but rotates to create all kinds of crazy-ass shapes in the interim. "The largest triangle is for displaying hours while the medium is for minutes and the small triangle on the edge represents seconds." At only $12, the clock makes a great stocking stuffer for Christmas. Alternatively, you could stuff it into the bottom of a sock and use it to beat off a would-be thief. Just trust me, you don't wanna use your hand.
Hit the jump for a couple pictures of the rotational fun!
Continue Reading " Time Cube Clock Is Rarely An Actual Cube "
Dec 3 2008 Platzhalter Bookshelf Has Room To Grow
The Platzhalter bookself expands in the middle as your literary collection does so you've got room to store all those delicious pages. Of course, you could just buy a bigger bookshelf. Or another one. Still, a clever idea, I'll give them that. And also, extra points for it turning into a giant V. And speaking of giant V's....I should probably just quit now while I'm ahead.
Dec 3 2008 Okay: Sled Works In Winter AND Summer
The Ice Meister Slicer isn't only horribly named, it's also a monster piece of crap that costs $70. For a molded piece of plastic. Anyway, if I haven't (or the nozzle in the pictures hasn't) turned you off already, the sled is ride-able in both the winter AND summer. How? Look at the picture. It comes with two molds you fill with water and then freeze. Attach the blocks to the bottom of the sled, and TA-DA -- why's that kid wearing a helmet? He looks like my roommate the time he shat in the cat's litterbox. Which I may or may not have filmed. Rule 34 baby.
And, to get you in the holiday spirit:
Eddie: I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?
Ice Meister Slicer lets you sled down hills all year [dvice]
Dec 2 2008 Happy Something! iPhone Has 10,000 Apps
The iPhone now has over 10,000 apps, and to celebrate, somebody made a mosaic. Not exactly how I celebrate (I get drunk as shit), but a little time in front of Photoshop works too. And speaking of iPhone apps, I have like four. Including, and pretty much limited to: rotary dialer, that maze game with the ball, Facebook, and AIM. And I may or may not have that ocarina app (I do). Oh snap, and the booby one. Maybe I'll get some more.
UPDATE: Okay, I got distracted and didn't get any new apps. Folks -- there is porn ON THE INTERNET!
Dec 2 2008 That's Cold!: Ice Sculpture Carving Fail
If there's one thing I love in life it's another person's misfortune. A close second is dessert. One time I was scarfing grimace proportions of peach pie a la mode in a restaurant and some guy tripped and busted his face open on the sidewalk. I whip creamed my pants. So this ice sculpture fiasco was a real treat. Of course, it helped that I was finishing off the last of the pumpkin pie while I watched. And taunting a bum with a half eaten turkey sandwich.
Note: The Geekologie Writer actually takes no pleasure in other people's misfortune. He is a caring and sensitive man-boy who volunteers at the local strip club and once saved a busload of schoolchildren from alligators because their teacher was hot. Did I mention he has a wang the size of Texas? Because he does. Unless that's too big, in which case it's one of the Carolinas (take your pick) but shaped like Florida (cooking accident). Laaadies?
Youtube
via
Failblog
Thanks to Colin, who once made love to an ice sculpture mermaid.
Dec 2 2008 'Tis The Season....To Crack Nuts?
With Jesus's b-day rapidly approaching, it's time to bust out the eggnog and nutcrackers and have a holly jolly boozefest. Am I right? And what sort of holiday spread is complete without nuts? Man, I freaking love nuts. Filberts, walnuts, pistachios, almonds, I gobble them all. And you know what they say about almonds don't you? Eight almonds a day, uh, keeps pederasts at bay? I don't actually know if they say that, but I'm gonna start. Anyway, this is a Star Wars nutcracker set available from Hammburgler Slumlordicus (that's two in one day!). 99 coconuts takes the whole set.
Darth Vader stands 10" tall and is draped in a vinyl cape, capped by his signature black helmet. He holds his red lightsaber and is decorated with details including vinyl boots, his breathing apparatus, and chest control unit. R2-D2 stands 7" tall displaying his handpainted circuitry; his anterior louvered vents conceal the "cracker." Master Jedi Yoda stands 7 1/2" tall with his walking stick and his humble burlap robe. Non-functional, they are for decorative purposes only.
Now wait just a long time ago minute! Non-functional? How hard is it to make the damn things functional? Isn't a nutcracker just a freaking hinge? WTF! I'll tell you what -- you just can't bust a nut like you used to. Wow, did I just go there? I did. I went there, I raged, I burnt the village down, I came back, got drunk again, lost a shoe, and puked in the other one. Now it's all mushy when I walk. And it stinks. But I'd still drink out of it. Hardcore. HARDCORE!
Thanks to James and Allison, who can both crack nuts between their pinky and ring finger because they're from that same planet Superman is from. Krypton. They're from Krypton.
Dec 2 2008 Let's Play Dress Up!: Officially Licensed Gears Of War Armor Suits And Assault Rifles
This is an officially licensed Gears of War armor suit and Lancer assault rifle. They're made by Nightmare Armor Studios and probably cost a pretty penny. I couldn't actually find the price for the armor, but the Lancer alone will set you back 950 bones of your enemies. However, if you're poor, you can always make your own suit out of cardboard. Because that's what The Superficial Writer did. And I've gotta admit: the Locust Horde is gonna rape his ass.
Hit the jump for several more of the wickedness.
Dec 2 2008 PEW PEW: Star Wars Vs. Star Trek Mashup
This is a pretty well-made mashup of Star Wars and Star Trek. It's captain Jean-Luc Picard vs. Darth Vader in an epic space battle of galaxial proportions. It's definitely worth a view. The video is almost six minutes long though, so, depending on how your boss feels about you actually doing something awesome with your time, you may have to watch it at home. And for all of you that work in an organization where Youtube is blocked, well, you should quit. Tell your boss the Geekologie Writer told you to. And also, I slept with his wife. Or, if your boss is a woman, I slept with her. Ha, in her wildest dreams! Unless she's a fifty-something with a really deep voice and a tattoo of a rose on her thigh, in which case, damnit, I may have taken her home one night.
Youtube
Thanks to This Is Me Posting, whose name just made my head explode.
Dec 2 2008 Tokyoflash's Latest: Is That A Watch On Your Wrist Or Are You Just Happy To Tase Me?
Another day, another dollar. And also, a sweet new watch from Tokyoflash. The Ni is Tokyoflash's latest wristwear, straight from the streets of Japan (but not the subway -- no groping here folks).
Made entirely from stainless steel with a polished finish, Ni features crisp horizontal grooves on the face and strap giving the design a continuous appearance. The tapered edges where the case meets the strap ensure a neat finish.
Each LED on the lowest line indicates two hours, the line above indicates a single hour, a combination presenting the current hour. Groups of 10 minutes are presented on the centre line and single minutes on the upper two lines. The date can be read in a similar manner with second touch of the upper button.
Simple enough. The Ni is available now and sells for about $144. You can get it with blue, white, or multi-colored LEDs. Personally, I'm digging the blue. And also, a tunnel to China. I'm gonna ride in a rickshaw!
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Dec 2 2008 Mystical Fire Powder Turns Your Fire Different Colors, Is Probably Mad Carcinogenic
$2.29 will get you a 25 gram sachet of Mystical Fire Powder. What is Mystical Fire Powder? It's powder. That you toss in the fire. To make it all mystical and shit. Sorcery yo, sorcery. The stuff makes your fire burn with all sorts of crazy colors and will stunt your growth if you eat too much of it. But it's so good! If you're a cheapskate and don't want to drop a whole nine quarters and four Canadian pennies on the powder, I'll tell you what else makes fires turn cool colors: burning witches! And remember: a woman is every bit the witch you accuse her of being. Accuse often. Yelling helps. Also, brandishing a pitchfork and getting the townspeople riled up.
One more of a sweet blue flame after the ja-ja-ja-jump.
Dec 2 2008 Wait, What?: A Gas-Powered Snowboard
Hammacher Schlongmeister, purveyor of the utterly ridiculous, is selling a gas-powered snowboard this year. Because, you know -- shit, beats me.
This is the gas-powered vehicle that combines the thrill of riding a snowmobile and the freedom of a snowboard, enabling you to surf effortlessly over the deepest fresh powder or on packed, granular snow. Powered by a 6 1/2-hp four-cycle gasoline engine that starts with a pull, it can accommodate riders up to 250 lbs. and has a maximum speed of 18 mph, operating up to two hours on only 3/4-gallon of gasoline.
All that and it'll only set you back $2,000. They're practically giving them away! And as a guy who's broken his arm snowboarding, I've got to admit: two grand is a small price to pay to shatter it again. *CRUNCH* I can see the bone!
Gas-powered snowboard secures your dominance over nature [dvice]
Dec 1 2008 Yes Please!: A Sweet Chainsaw Bayonet
So I was out shooting the ol' shotgun the other day, and I thought to myself, "self, could blasting the hell out of this stump get any more awesome?" And the answer, dear reader, is yes, a chainsaw bayonet would have totally made it awesomer. PEW PEW, BRUUUM BRUUUM BR BR BRUUUM!! Oh yeah, that's the stuff. The stuff of boners.
Hit the jump to see a picture of the saw mounted on a shotgun, along with a video of a guy terrorizing pumpkins with the AR-15/saw combo. Fun for all ages!
Dec 1 2008 CONTEST: Win This Awesome Monty Python Box Set
Want to win the ridiculously awesome Monty Python Collector's Set shown above? Of course you do. The set features a 21-disc box set with four seasons of the series, two new-to-DVD documentaries, two live performances, and six "personal best" compilations. Just head on over to our sibling site I Watch Stuff for all the contest details.
Dec 1 2008 Man Teaches Robot To Play Pong, Robot Taunts Man, Man Foolishly Doesn't Kill Robot
Some fool went and taught a robot how to play Pong. Next thing you know, the crazy bastard will teach the archangel of the apocalypse how to play Donkey Kong, and from there, well, I think you can imagine what happens next. Hint: we all die. I must admit though, I did almost chuckle before pissing my pants when the robot taunted the guy. He says, "No, no, no, and no. You are a loser." Man, if I had a quarter for every time a girl's told me that, well, I could play pinball for decades.
Thanks to Marc and Pedro, who could both school that robot at Pong then kick its head off and say something insulting about its mother (who I heard had sex with a Speak & Spell -- BURN!)
Dec 1 2008 Large Hadron Collider May Never Start Again
Well, that's a lie. Actually, no it's not. *brandishing crowbar* At least not if I have something say about it! Anyway, the LHC, which was thought to only be down until the spring, may not kill us all until late 2009, or even 2010. We're saved (but still be wary of terrorists)!
According to spokesperson James Gillies, the complicated repairs can be simplified into modest Plan A and Plan B approach.
Plan A is a quick and dirty fix, getting the particle accelerator online as quickly as possible (late summer 2009) at the cost of operating at lower power. In this scenario, 3 of 8 pressure relief-system segments are replaced (only the broken ones) with the other 5 getting upgraded at unsaid maintenance dates in the future.Plan B is the more extensive but also more delayed approach, requiring the complete redesign and replacement of the LHC's entire pressure-relief system. Under this scenario, the LHC wouldn't go online until 2010 at the earliest, though at that time the system could operate at full power.
Well, looks like we're gonna have to find another way to destroy the planet in the meantime. Any ideas? I'm thinking good old fashioned CFCs. Or, alternatively, whip-its. Just remember: stop before the whipcream comes out. You squirt it, you buy it -- grocery store policy.
LHC Might Not Be Back Online Until 2010 or Later [gizmodo]
Thanks to Harrison, who promises to help me break into CERN and rollerskate around in the hallways.
Dec 1 2008 Meteor Fragments Found, Geekologie Writer Plans To Pilfer And Sell On eBay
Remember the meteor that PEW PEWed over Canada last week? Well a bunch of the fragments have finally been located by scientists. So what I'm going to do is grab one of the guys, beat the whereabouts of said fragments out of him, liberate the stones, and then sell those mothers on eBay for a hefty profit! It's the American way. In Canada. It's the Americanadian way!
U of C planetary scientist Dr. Alan Hildebrand and graduate student Ellen Milley announced Friday morning they located several meteorite fragments late Thursday afternoon. They believe thousands of meteorite bits are strewn over 20 square kilometers near the Battle River.
Friday afternoon, they led a group of reporters to the site -- a region called Buzzard Coulee, about 40 kilometres from Lloydminster Reporters were told those observations, combined with the physical evidence, give scientists a treasure trove of data that could give them a better understanding of the solar system.
Haha, I didn't have to beat up the scientist after all. Woops. Anyway, what is this about a better understanding of the solar system? I'll tell you everything you need to know about the solar system in three sentences: It's big. It has a bunch of shit in it, but it's all pretty spread out with lots of nothing in between. Sometimes stuff busts all up into earth's atmosphere and goes buck-ass wild in here. Seriously, just ask the dinosaurs. OH HO -- that's right, they're all dead! My God were they sexy though.
Meteorite pieces found in Saskatchewan [cbcnews]
Thanks to Larry, who made fun of me for crying during The Land Before Time. Also, Dan smells.
Dec 1 2008 Haha, I'm Rich!: Fiber Optic Placemats
The LumiTable table runner is made from woven fiber optic strands and glows while you dine in the dark. Available in a variety of hideous colors, each 63"x13" runner will set you back a costly $200, but is sure to get the neighbors talking. Talking about what a tacky freaking idiot you are. Seriously, the only people that eat in the dark are vampires. And if there's one thing I know about vampires, it's that I tried to stab myself to death with my nachos watching Twilight this weekend.
Luminous tablecloth adds an eerie glow to your dining experience [dvice]
Dec 1 2008 The Race Is On: To A Camera In Your Eye
Remember the story a few weeks ago of the artist woman that wanted a webcam installed in her eyeball? Well it turns out she may have been beat to the chase (and subsequent fall and eye gouging) by Steve Mann, who is *this close* to having the procedure done. Check out the Eyeborg blog for more info on Steve's quest to become part machine (and thus, a mortal enemy). There's even a really gross video of Steve getting his (already damaged) eye removed. Awesome! And by awesome I mean I just threw up cereal all over the keyboard! Cool! Not really! But kind of! Okay I'm mostly just grossed out! Can you tell the period key is stuck?
Thanks to Arni, who had a camera installed in his ear but broke it with a Q-tip.
Dec 1 2008 The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls. Alternatively, Developing An Eating Disorder
Wow. Last week it was cooking with paste, and this week, actual balls. The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking with Balls is completely uncalled for and contains many delicious rocky mountain oyster recipes. An excerpt from the 'About The Author' section:
Ljubomir Erovic has been cooking testicles for over 20 years.
When not cooking or eating testicles, or helping others to do so, he now runs a company involved in the maintenance of medical and dental equipment.He is married with one daughter and one testicle.
*HORF* When will the insanity end? I completely understand the "waste not, want not" mentality of using all possible edibles on an animal, but the balls? Those things weren't made for eating -- they were made for necklaces. BLING!
Hit the jump to see how to properly peel a testicle and a testicle pizza. Both of which will make you puke if you've eaten recently. Cheers!