Nov 30 2008 "Stack The Memory": A Nerdy Rap Song
"Stack the Memory" by the Sniper Twins is a geeky rap song about computers. I thought it was pretty humorous, and definitely worth a watch. The video was very well made too. And I'm not just saying that because the twins called to tell me they've got my dome lined up in their crosshairs even as I type. But they totally do so please call the authorities. And tell them to bring extra pants. Oooh, and nachos -- my tummy's rumbling.
Official Site
Thanks to Dax, one of the twins, for threatening to kill me.
Nov 30 2008 17,000 Push-Pin Super Mario 3 Mosiac
You know, sometimes you come across something that really makes you appreciate human ingenuity and dedication to a project. This isn't one of those.
What you're looking at it is a 17,000 push-pin mosaic mural, a product of three revisions and a total of two and a half semesters of work. The final revision took a whopping two months of work by the CIS Student Association at the University of the Fraser Valley, and it's currently sitting in the Student Computing Center over there.
17,000 push-pins, wow -- impressive work! And, whether you like the piece or not, I think we can all agree that these kids should be expelled for ganking office supplies.
Hit the jump for several more of the craziness (including an in-progress shot), along with a link to the Flickr gallery.
Nov 30 2008 Gay Penguins Steal Eggs From Straight Couples, Get Proposition 8'ed By Zoo
Two gay penguins at Polar Land in Harbin, China have been stealthily stealing eggs from straight couples and replacing them with rocks. Brilliant!
But the deception has been noticed by other penguins at the zoo, who have ostracized the gay couple from their group. Now keepers have decided to segregate the pair of three-year-old male birds to avoid disrupting the rest of the community during the hatching season.
"One of the responsibilities of being a male adult is looking after the eggs. Despite this being a biological impossibility for this couple, the natural desire is still there," a keeper told the Austrian Times newspaper."It's not discrimination. We have to fence them separately, otherwise the whole group will be disturbed during hatching time," he added.
Not discrimination my ass. Next thing you know the couple won't even be allowed to marry. Seriously, I have had it up to here *raising arm as high over head as possible* with this nonsense. Penguins are people too, you know? And wow, my pits smell like chili-dogs with lots of chopped onion. F***ing love those things. Gay penguins too. Pittsburgh, eh, not so much.
Gay penguins steal eggs from straight couples [telegraph]
Thanks to Matt, who allegedly saw a turtle threesome at the zoo once.
Nov 30 2008 Christmas Came Early This Year (And You Might Too): Gen¹³ Caitlin Fairchild Cosplay
As the angel of holiday cheer, I felt obligated to post these pictures of some chick cosplaying it up as Caitlin Fairchild from the Gen¹³ comic book series. Honestly, I had no idea who Caitlin was, but now I can safely say that her image is burnt into my retinas. Literally, I used a coat hanger and butane lighter. Hit the jump for three more pics, all of which are significantly cheekier than this one. You catch my drift? I'm talking about her ass -- her ass is hanging out.
Hit it, you want to.
Nov 29 2008 Tilt-Shift Video Makes Big Things Look Small
Tilt-shift video: I don't even know what it is.
Tilt-shift photography can be used for many things, but one of the more interesting is a technique used to trick the mind into thinking very large things are very small. Tilt-shift takes advantage of our familiarity with very close up images of small things, where the object of interest is in focus, but everything else is progressively blurred.
You know, you could almost write a novella about all the things I don't know. Ha, just kidding, tilt-shift video was the last piece of the puzzle. Knowledge: the shit's like money for your brain. Drugs: drugs are like your brain getting robbed by a bearded man who uses the money to take it on a tropical vacation. Whee, Mexico!
Amazing Tilt-Shift Video From Monster Truck Rally [jalopnik]
Thanks to Jake, who allegedly has some tilt-shift video of your girlfriend he'll post on the internet if you don't send him all your Star Wars figurines.
Nov 29 2008 My Condolences: An XBox 360 Funeral :(
What happens when an XBox dies? Does it go to heaven? A landfill? Sunday brunch for mimosas? Whatever the case, this is a picture of an XBox 360's funeral. As you can see, many friends from yesteryear came to pay their respects. This picture is actually just one in a series of the funeral, so you should go here to see them all, along with some words that were written about the event. It was very tastefully done. Not as tasteful as I would have done it, but the open bar/stripper funeral isn't for everyone. Like, haha, Aunt Phyllis. I've never seen so many angry relatives and confused strippers in my life. I had a blast!*
*And didn't even puke in the casket this time. Sorry, Uncle Rob, but hey -- at least you were dead! Tell God I say what's up.
Hit the jump for two more, then hit the link to see them all.
Nov 28 2008 Fool Me Once, Shame On You, Fool Me Twice, Damnit, You Got Me Again: Real X-Ray Specs Here? Geekologie Writer Hopeful
Allegedly David Steele, a pervert, is selling 30 and 58mm lens filters capable of seeing through many kinds of fabric. I've got the feeling they only work with sheer wet t-shirts and fishnets, but whatever: boobs yo, boobs. Each lens costs $200 and purchase includes a free trial subscription to Perv Quarterly, a beard, and a pair of those glasses that tint in sunlight.
40 years later, real X-Ray specs finally hit the market [dvice]
Nov 28 2008 Mysterious 'Elbowed' Squid Caught On Video
An underwater rover operated by Shell oil company caught some video of a rare Magnapinna (attractive metal penis) squid a mile and half down. And the squishy bastard has elbowed tentacles! WTF! And also, nigiri. Mmmm.
Two more pictures (one old) after the jump, horrible one second video here.
Continue Reading " Mysterious 'Elbowed' Squid Caught On Video "
Nov 27 2008 Bruce Lee Plays Ping Pongs With Nunchucks
This is an ad for a special Bruce Lee edition Nokia N96. It's an oldschool looking video of Bruce Lee playing ping-pong with nunchucks. It's obviously real because Bruce Lee learned martial arts from God himself and once got a chick pregnant with a single karate chop. Nine months later, you were born. Feliz cumpleaños!
Hit the jump for another ad of Bruce lighting matches with the chucks.
Continue Reading " Bruce Lee Plays Ping Pongs With Nunchucks "
Nov 27 2008 Guy Gets Stephen Hawking Tattoo
"Science fan" Jack Newton got Stephen Hawking's likeness tattooed on his leg in tribute to the world famous physicist (who is 66 and still rollin').
The tattoo - complete with a Monty Python line from the classic Life of Brian film 'He's not the messiah. He's a very naughty boy' written underneath it - has already won two trophies at tattoo conventions.
Mr Newton said: "I read A Brief History of Time, but to be honest I didn't understand a word, but I respect the man and that's why I got his face tattooed on my leg.
Good looking, Jack, but check this tat out -- BADOW! -- Carl F***ing Sagan bitch!
Science fan has Stephen Hawking tattooed on leg [telegraph]
Thanks to louis, who looks just like a handsome Aristotle.
Nov 27 2008 Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Get full, get drunk, watch some football, make out with a relative. Sadly, since I'm the orphaned son of ninja-pirate gypsies, I'll probably eat at Captain D's and be back in a little bit. Save some stuffing for me!
Nov 26 2008 Wrong, Just Plain Wrong: Vajayjay Hero
Vagina Hero is a fake Guitar Hero knockoff centered around pleasuring a woman's Thingy McThingThing. It's not even a fake game as much as a couple pictures and an article. Still, I know how some of you have never seen one before, so I figured I'd go ahead and post it. That's pretty much it right there. There's lots of crazy colors and shit and round button-y things. Ladies, back me up. I have too seen one!
The stages in Vagina Hero are women, much like the individual songs in previous Hero games released by a completely different publisher that is in no way related to Arctivision. There is no background or story explaining how you suddenly find yourself with a naked vagina in your face -- the stage loads up and it's just there.
Classy 70's-style bow-chika-wow-wow starts playing, and you find your screen assaulted with colored button-press indicators called "E-Zones". The E-Zones (or "EZ's") correspond to the same colored buttons on your Vagina Hero controller, dubbed "HodgePodge". Why HodgePodge?"Just look at it. What the f*** is that? We designed it and we don't even really know. We tried to stay true to real thing, but that's the best we could do."
Hit the jump to see a picture of the controller, which looks pretty much like every vagina I've ever seen. Just remember: the blue button takes you to a very special bonus level.
Mash that button!
Nov 26 2008 Italian Police Find Cellphone Gun: Excuse Me, I Need To Answer This....PEW PEW!
Italian police discovered a .22 caliber cellphone gun during a raid on a Camorra (Naples Mafia) compound.
Fully loaded, the gun's capable of firing four shots in quick succession through the antenna using buttons on the keypad as the trigger. Officers also seized bullet proof vests, drugs, ammunition and thousands of pounds in cash.
Screw the gun, thousands of pounds in cash? Are talking pounds the monetary unit or pounds as in I weigh far too many of them? And if it is the latter, tell me they were all ones. Then give me a stack -- Thanksgiving at the strip club!
Mafia 'mobile phone gun' seized [bbcnews]
Thanks to Georgethefirst, who still rocks a pager gun because he's oldschool.
Nov 26 2008 College Students Play Real-Life Quidditch
This is a video about college students playing a non-wizard version of Quidditch. You know, that game in Harry Potter where the players fly around with broomsticks up their asses. Unsurprisingly, it's taking college campuses by storm (just like Humans vs. Zombies!).
The earthbound variation is called Muggle Quidditch. The sport originated in 2005 when a student at Middlebury College adapted the game for the nonmagical world. Its popularity quickly spread, and today more than 150 colleges throughout the United States have Quidditch teams.
As in the fictional game, each Muggle Quidditch team has seven players: three chasers, two beaters, a keeper, and a seeker. Chasers score points by throwing a quaffle, or volleyball, through one of three hoops (worth 10 points) while trying to avoid bludgers, or dodgeballs, that are thrown by beaters. (If chasers are hit by a bludger, they must drop the quaffle.) The keeper's job is to protect the three goalposts, while the seeker must capture the snitch -- a sock stuffed with tennis balls carried by a person (typically a cross-country runner) dressed in gold. Capturing the snitch nets an additional 30 points and ends the game.
You know, different strokes for different folks. I spent my college career drinking and doing drugs, but Quidditch sounds fun too. And by fun I mean I was thankfully never violated by a broomstick in college. That came later. And splintery.
Not Harry Potter? Not a Problem [butoday]
Thanks to Brett and Hailey, who aren't allowed to play because they can fly.
Nov 26 2008 Thanksgiving Made Easy: A 2-Hour Turkey
Well folks, if you haven't noticed by the lack of people at work or canned pumpkin at Kroger, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. The day we Americans celebrate Jesus's first bite of whole foods (some say it was a wise man's camel) and the subsequent decimation of the Native American population via laced cornucopia. So, to help you get in the spirit of it all, a Thanksgiving-ish post!
The Nuwave Oven Pro is a $120 portable oven that can allegedly cook a 10-pound turkey (or small sibling) in a mere two hours. "NuWave performs this miracle using three kinds of heat: Conduction, convection and infrared, turning that raw bird into a golden brown beauty in no time flat." Oh really? I bet we could cut the cooking time down to an hour by adding a fourth type of heat -- my body's. Did that just turn you on? You're lying if you say it didn't. Anyway, as a notorious one last minute man, I'm gonna have to use the NuWave, seeing how my turkey isn't even thawed yet. Or purchased for that matter. I'll let you know how it goes.
UPDATE: Mmmm, raw turkey with salmonella gravy, love it.
NuWave Oven Pro cooks a turkey in 2 hours [dvice]
Nov 26 2008 Israeli Software 'Beautifies' Ugly Faces
A group of Israeli computer scientists think they've developed a program that can beautify a human face based on the innate preferences humans have. As you can see from the "beautified" Mona Lisa there, they've failed. I could have done a better job in Microsoft Paint.
"We were able to fit a mathematical model to this set of data that we've gathered, namely the images that we showed to people and their responses in terms of the beauty scores that they chose to give to each image," said Lischinksi.
Um, dude? Your mathematical model blows monster dino-dick.
The team then applied the model to modify images so as to make them appear more attractive. They are now exploring a variety of potential commercial applications for the software, Lischinski said."This is something we're looking into," he said. It remains to be seen whether women would simply use the improved image as a guide to more effective makeup application or whether people take it to a plastic surgeon and say: "Make me look like that."
Ladies, this is such garbage -- you're all beautiful just the way you are. Especially naked. And I mean that.
Keep the pictures coming.
Hit the jump for a real human face comparison.
Continue Reading " Israeli Software 'Beautifies' Ugly Faces "
Nov 26 2008 Rubber Duckies To Solve Global Warming
No, not really. But the yellow buggers are helping scientists track the speed of melting glaciers. Whee?
Should Greenland's 2.17 million square miles of ice ever melt completely, the water could raise sea level world-wide by 24 feet, swamping coastal cities that are home to millions of people. As Dr. Behar at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory soon discovered, though, there isn't much money for global-warming experiments in Greenland.
Consequently, Dr. Behar and his colleagues at the University of Colorado this past August released 90 yellow rubber ducks into the melt water flowing down a chasm in the largest of Greenland's 200 glaciers -- the Jakobshavn Isbrae -- which has been thinning rapidly since 1997.Each duck was imprinted with an e-mail address and, in three languages, the offer of a reward.
Geez, what shameless litterbugs. Wait, did that say reward? What do you think it is, $100? Okay, now what's $100 times 90 -- $900,000 right? Let's charter a boat!
Rubber Duckies to Help Track Speed of Melting Glaciers [foxnews]
Thanks to Sam, who doesn't play with toys in the bath anymore.
Nov 26 2008 Fonts Are Fun!: An Optima Prime T-Shirt
Remember the dead celebrity font ads from last month? Well in the same vein comes this Optima Prime t-shirt -- made entirely out of the Optima font! Wow, will the fun never end? The shirts start at $13.75, but if you want one that won't disintegrate the first time you wash it you're looking at more like $20. And speaking of $20, did you know that Andrew Jackson was nicknamed "Old Hickory"? It's true, the man had a wooden johnson.
Thanks to Neil, who may or may not be the man behind the Transformer mask.
Nov 26 2008 Remember: Drive Safely This Holiday Season
With the holidays rapidly approaching (read: Thanksgiving's tomorrow) there's a whole lot of traveling going on. And for those of you that will be out on the roads -- be careful. Winter weather is upon us, and so are all the crazies. So be safe, and don't drive like this. You know, like a woman. OH SNAP! Haha, now my girlfriend is kicking me in the nuts. It kind of hurts and feels good at the same time. Okay, that one just hurt. Honey, please, not the rolling pin!
Hit the jump for another one. But seriously folks, be safe, they've banned Geekologie in most hospitals.
Continue Reading " Remember: Drive Safely This Holiday Season "
Nov 25 2008 Robot Soldiers Will Kill Your Ass Dead
Soon, robot soldiers will kill you. But, if it makes you feel any better, some people think they'll be acting more ethically than humans.
"My research hypothesis is that intelligent robots can behave more ethically in the battlefield than humans currently can," said Ronald C. Arkin, a computer scientist at Georgia Tech, who is designing software for battlefield robots under contract with the Army. "That's the case I make."
He and others say that the technology to make lethal autonomous robots is inexpensive and proliferating, and that the advent of these robots on the battlefield is only a matter of time. That means, they say, it is time for people to start talking about whether this technology is something they want to embrace. "The important thing is not to be blind to it," Dr. Arkin said. Noel Sharkey, a computer scientist at the University of Sheffield in Britain, wrote last year in the journal Innovative Technology for Computer Professionals that "this is not a 'Terminator'-style science fiction but grim reality."
Not 'Terminator'-style science fiction my ass! We're all freaking dead man. And the last thing I need is captain crazy pants there in the picture programming killer robots. I mean, Jesus, look at that wood paneling.
Hit the link below for a nice long article that made me pee my pants a little. Okay, a lot.
A Soldier, Taking Orders From Its Ethical Judgment Center [nytimes]
Thanks to Downey and Daniel, both of whom can kill robots in their sleep.
Nov 25 2008 Oh Snap, You Just Got Tokyoflashed!
The Kisai Denshoku (Illumination) is an all new watch design available from Tokyoflash. With the push of a button the 12 bars light up in a three-part sequence to tell the time. First hours, then 10-minute blocks, then individual minutes. So simple even undersirable Geekologie commentors can do it (and then, God willing, die). The watch is available now for $247 and available in both black and gary. Did I say gary? I meant gray. I would hope it's not available in gary, although I did lose a watch in a Samantha once.
Hit the jump to see it in gray, then buy one.
Nov 25 2008 WoW NOM NOMS: Delicious Warcraft Cakes
This is a gallery of World of Warcraft cakes. There are eleven of them in all, ranging from the amazing to the somebody is trying to sneak a knife into jail. I particularly liked the last one, and not just because it looks like it was made out of human flesh. Although it does, and that shit's delicious. Mmmm, human rinds.
Hit the jump for the worthwhile gallery of NOM.
Nov 25 2008 Google Employees Create Spreadsheet Art
This is a time-lapse video of three Google employees creating an 18,600 cell mosaic in a spreadsheet. As you will see, it has a nice wintry theme. Namely, snowflakes. Personally, I would have gone with Frosty bending Santa over his sleigh for not bringing him the new corncob pipe he wanted, while Mrs. Claus watches from the kitchen window and bakes those delicious cookies of hers. But I don't get paid to sit around and make spreadsheet art. I get paid to sit around and desecrate your Christmas memories. Happy holidays bitches!
18,600-Cell Spreadsheet Mosaic Captured On Time-Lapse Video [gizmodo]
Thanks to Harrison, who's allegedly keeping Frosty's head alive in his freezer.
Nov 25 2008 New Cop Car Designed For Cops, By Cops
The Carbon Motors E7 is a new police cruiser that addresses safety and performance issues neglected due to the current practice of retrofitting Crown Victorias/Impalas.
Right now fire departments, emergency medical technicians, the military, and even mail carriers all use vehicles built specifically for them. But the country's 800,000 law enforcement first-responders drive dangerously retrofitted family sedans.
The E7 is being hailed as THE purpose-built vehicle for police officers. It was designed to jump curbs, safely detain criminals, be fuel efficient (40% more than current cruisers), and detect biological, chemical and radiation threats. In total, it has over 100 new features specifically requested by officers. Unfortunately, not a single one is a cup holder in the back.
Hit the jump for a video of the car.
Nov 25 2008 Nanotech Material Never Gets Wet, EVER
Scientists at the University of Zurich have developed a material that never gets wet. Even if you play romantic music and kiss it tenderly.
The fabric is constructed of polyester fibers that are covered in a layer of 40-nanometer-wide silicone nanofilaments. These nanofilaments are spiky and cause water to sit in a sphere above the fabric, a permanent pocket of air protected safely below.
The material even reduces drag in water by 20%! I have no idea what sort of implications that has, but I think it's something to do with waterproof sheets. Because I used to date a girl that would drink Redbull and vodka all night and then, WITHOUT FAIL, piss the bed. God she sucked. So if you want to make fun of her or call her a hosebag, feel free. Her name and address are:
UPDATE: Ha, silly lawyers.
Nanotech Material Never Gets Wet, Even When Wet [gizmodo]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who keeps the ladies like a tropical rainforest. You know, with all sorts of crazy animals and shit.
Nov 25 2008 Man Crosses Gorge With Jetpack, No Lasers
Eric Scott sped across the 1,500-foot-wide Royal Gorge in southern Colorado at a speed of 75 mph. With a jetpack. It took him 21 seconds and the bastard didn't even have a parachute because he's a stupid idiot. Also, this feat isn't very impressive. Anybody can jetpack over a gorge, but who can skateboard over one? Because one time I ollied over a recycling bin in my driveway. And broke my arm. True story. I have a titanium plate and a bunch of screws in there now. Oh my god -- I'm a freaking robot! Quick, off with the arm! We're running out of time -- just kill me! Softly, with your love. *wink*
Hit the jump for a video of the spectacle, which I found slightly disappointing (and I LOVE jetpacks).
Continue Reading " Man Crosses Gorge With Jetpack, No Lasers "
Nov 24 2008 That's What I Call Shiny: A Chrome Bugatti
We've seen chromed cars in the past, but quite frankly (can I call you Frankly?), those just weren't as shiny as this Bugatti Veyron. Maybe they went for the economy chrome job, but whatever the case, they lacked the mirror-like sheen of this summabitch. I mean, you could snort drugs off the hood of this thing. You know, or a CD case. But if you are doing your drugs off the back of a cracked CD case, chances are you probably don't have the money to be doing drugs. And your connection probably sucks. I guess what I'm getting at is this: you're snorting laxatives.
Hit the jump for four more of the shiny-shiny.
Continue Reading " That's What I Call Shiny: A Chrome Bugatti "
Nov 24 2008 You Look Stupid When You Play Video Games. Just Kidding, Only These Kids Do
You ever wonder what you look like playing video games? Well I'll tell you: a slovenly asshole with man-tits and torn boxers lounging on a broken recliner. Psyche, that's just me. But now photographer Robbie Cooper has made a video showing just how goofy kids look while they game. Make sure to check out the girl that is either the devil or on drugs at around 1:00. No emotion. Girl could kill you and your whole family and not bat an eye. Lock her up! Or, alternatively, burn her at the stake! But, if you go with the latter, I call a drumstick.
Thanks to Emode, who doesn't look stupid playing video games because he has laser eyes and balls the size of European castles.
Nov 24 2008 $450,000 Watch Features Real Moon Dust
The DNA Moon Dust Watch from Geneva watchmaker Romain Jerome was created to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing is limited to a not-so-limited edition of 1,969 (get it, because of the year?).
'The case of the watch is made with steel melted with fragments of the Apollo 11.
'The dial and face is made from minerals that include real dust from the moon - this is a world first. The moon dust had been melted into it.
Each piece will run between $15,000 and $450,000, depending on the amount of moon dust (cheap bastards didn't even use cheese) and Apollo metal included. Some of the straps are even made from the fibers of a spaceshit! Wait, I meant suit, spacesuit. Anyway, this is a total ripoff. I bought an authentic angel dust watch from a tweaker for only $20. Whee, ants are crawling under my skin!
The watch that is out of this world: Timepiece made from moon dust will cost £300,000 [dailymail]
Thanks to Uncle Eccoli, who doesn't need a moon dust watch to know it's time to party.
Nov 24 2008 Couple Sues McDonald's After Leaving Cell Phone At Store And Their Private Pictures Show Up Online (Suprise, Surprise!)
Arkansas native Phillip Sherman and his wife Tina are suing McDonald's because Phillip left his cell phone at a restaurant and the nudey pictures of his wife that were on it headed straight for the internet (they always do).
The suit was filed Friday and seeks a jury trial and $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment and the cost of having to move to a new home (due to alleged stalkers).
The suit says that Phillip Sherman left the phone the Fayetteville store in July and that employees promised to secure it until he returned.
Now I hate to call the Shermans liars and cheats, but they most certainly are. Can somebody say chili finger? Or, in this case, cheeseburger ass?
Nude pics in phone lost at McDonald's get online [associatedpress]
Thanks to Lobster, who, despite his inherent deliciousness, couldn't find the pics online.
Nov 24 2008 ZOMG, Cutest Roomba Driver Ever!
This is a video of a cat driving a Roomba. Really warms the cockles, doesn't it? Speaking of which, what the hell's a cockle?
NOUN:
1. Any of various bivalve mollusks of the family Cardiidae, having rounded or heart-shaped shells with radiating ribs.
2. The shell of a cockle.
3. A wrinkle; a pucker.
4. Nautical: A cockleshell.
That makes no sense whatsoever. Ah, here we go:
IDIOM:
cockles of (one's) heart
One's innermost feelings: The valentine warmed the cockles of my heart.
So, ethically speaking, is it okay to eat cockles because they don't have any? Steam on that one for a minute. Then, admit you just got your ass philosophized off by the Geekologie Writer! You little cockle gobblin' fools you.
Thanks to my brother Frank, whose miniature dachshund Link refuses to ride the Roomba. Seriously little guy, do it for Zelda.
Nov 24 2008 Now That's What I Call Hot: LEGO Fashion
Designer Jean Charles de Castelbajac, now to be known as Jean Charles Van Damme Dem Legos Are Hot, displayed some LEGO inspired outfits at a recent fashion show. If you can't tell, they're making me amorous. Gimme kissey! Haha, now that'll be a nickel. And also, why the hell am I not a fashion designer? I've got some killer ideas. Namely, a LEGO castle on some waif's head. ZOMG, I'm gonna take the fashion industry by storm! AND the lapels. See what I did there? No? Hey, I'm just flying by the seat of my LEGO pants. Jesus, I could do this all day.
Hit the jump for a worthwhile video of what the show had looked like if they had used actual minifigs.
Continue Reading " Now That's What I Call Hot: LEGO Fashion "
Nov 24 2008 Bullets And Paper Cuts: Hellboy's Samaritan
This is a papercraft model of Hellboy's revolver, the Samaritan. It's pretty freaking wicked and features a working hinge, loadable bullets, and complicated instructions. Hit the jump to see another pictures of the intricacy. But if there's one thing I've learned during my brief tenure on this planet we call f***ed, it's this: don't ever bring a paper gun to a knife fight -- you're gonna get stabbed.
Hit the link for the 14-page printable instructions.
Continue Reading " Bullets And Paper Cuts: Hellboy's Samaritan "
Nov 24 2008 PEEEW!: Meteor Blasts Over Canada
A brilliant meteor shone its alien light over Alberta and Saskatchewan at approximately 5:30 p.m. last Thursday.
[The meteor] likely weighed between one and 10 tons and shone brightly enough to be seen over an area 700 km (435 miles) wide.
"It was somewhere between the size of a chair to the size of a desk," said Alan Hildebrand, a planetary scientist at the University of Calgary and a coordinator of a fireball reporting service.
Well damn, you think there were any aliens aboard that mother? I dunno, but rest assured I'll be sleeping underwearless tonight to find out. Report tomorrow.
UPDATE: We aren't alone. Wait a minute -- this is just a broken television antennae!
Meteor lights up skies over Western Canada [yahoonews]
Nov 21 2008 Bridge Constructed By Shooting Cable-Carrying Rockets Across Huge Valley
Just look at that bridge. I was almost tempted to call it Photoshopped, but then I remembered I'm not a stupid idiot. The Siduhe Grand Bridge has been in construction for over 4 years and stands 2,132 feet above the ground below. Holy shit! One of the initial problems with building the bridge was how to get the 3,200ft long cables across the valley. The answer? Attach them to rockets and blast them across.
so you've erected the enormous towers on each side of the deep valley, deeper than any valley previously bridged. how do you get a pilot cable from one tower to the next? previous solutions have included: attaching the cable to a kite and flying it over (e.g. niagara falls suspension bridge), carrying one end by helicopter (e.g. akashi kaikyo bridge) and floating one end on a boat (e.g. brooklyn bridge). the brains behind the siduhe bridge decided to ignore all those options and break another record instead. they attached the 3200ft cables to rockets and accurately fired them over the valley, becoming the first people to do so.
Hell yes! Ah, ingenuity at its finest. And also, rocket power. PSSSSSHOOOW! But seriously, for a case of beer I'll let you shoot me out of a cannon. Two cases and I'll even wear a paper hat.
Hit the jump for several pictures of the actual rocket firings. Pretty cool stuff.
Continue Reading " Bridge Constructed By Shooting Cable-Carrying Rockets Across Huge Valley "
Nov 21 2008 Wrong, Just Wrong: World's Worst Cookbook
This is the world's worst cookbook. It's called Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes. I just puked in my mouth a little.
Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!
The 61-page cookbook costs $25 and looks like a joke. So I put one in my shopping cart and proceeded to the checkout waiting for some sort of April Fool's notification. Nope, I just ordered a jizz cookbook.
Product Page (which, if you go to you can actually use the little picture on the left to look through some of the book. Which I totally didn't do.
Thanks to Julian, who invited me over for dinner. NOM NOM NOM!
Nov 21 2008 Record Base Jump Off The Burj Dubai
Two Guys Jumped Off the Burj Dubai and Lived to Tell About It [gizmodo]
Nov 21 2008 Kitty Born With Two Faces Is Cute, Meow-y
A kitten was born in Australia on Wednesday with two faces. It is super cute and made me wish all pets had more faces. But then I realized how expensive it would be to feed all those extra faces, and decided it wasn't so awesome afer all.
The two-faced feline was one of three in a litter and appears to be doing well.
It hasn't got a name yet, but the owner is thinking of calling it Quasi Modo, according to local news Web site inmycommunity.com.au.
Yeah, Quasi Modo, that won't f*** it up for life. You might as well saw off a couple legs and name it Cripples.
A closeup after the jump.
Continue Reading " Kitty Born With Two Faces Is Cute, Meow-y "
Nov 21 2008 Soda Dispenser Dispenses From The Bottom
This piece of crap from Scotsman Beverage Systems dispenses ice from the top, and soda from the bottom. ZOMG, sorcery! It's supposed to revolutionize the beverage serving industry but it's not going to. What it is going to revolutionize is landfills. The system works thanks to special glasses with a non-return valve in the bottom that are set on top of a special filling unit. Now why is this necessary? Oh right, so Scotsman can charge $6 apiece for the glasses. Can somebody say "shenanigans"? Nice. Now say "Don't worry, I'll pick". Great -- finish it off with an "up the tab". Bartender, you heard the man, keep the bourbon flowing.
Magic system fills glasses from the bottom up somehow [dvice]
Nov 21 2008 Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down
Pirates, they used to wear cool hats. Now? Not so much. But you can still check out their exploits on the International Maritime Bureau's "live piracy map" (based on Google Maps). You know, to see where the booty's being plundered.
Just drill down by using the zoom slider, and click on a flag to see what kind of crime took place. All are labeled with the type of ship, as well as whether the pirates successfully hijacked it or merely boarded. Certain areas, like this one off the coast of East Africa, are pirate paradises. The seas around Singapore and Malaysia are also packed with pirates.
You know where else is packed with pirates? My pants. Isn't that right you little swashbuckling bastards? Haha, just kidding -- they're crabs. I still gave them pirate names though. Stop it Captain Clawhands, that tickles!
Hit the jump for one more map and a link to interactive version in case you can't find the one I cleverly hid in the text of the post.
Continue Reading " Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down "
Nov 21 2008 Damnit, This Makes Me Sadder Than Hell
Abraham Briggs, a 19-year old from Florida, killed himself with pills while 1,500 people watched his streaming webcam on Justin.tv. Goddamnit.
He had told others on a chat forum that he planned to kill himself and posted a suicide note on another forum before taking the pills and turning on his webcam.Because he had made similar threats in the past, moderators did not take him seriously and other forum members even encouraged him to kill himself. He then posted his suicide note.
"I have reached out for help so many times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did, that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am has only brought myself and others pain."
While he lay dead on the bed after the overdose, many forum members continued to insult him, thinking the suicide was staged.
F***ing f*** this makes me sad. There's just no reason for it. No reason for Abraham to kill himself, and no reason for a bunch of assholes to egg him on. Now I'm no trained professional, but know that I'm here for all of you -- I'm only an email away. And remember: there is no Geekologie in hell.
Bodybuilder commits suicide live on web while viewers abuse him [metro]
Thanks Asbo and Robert.
RIP Abraham.
Nov 21 2008 God's Facebook: Genesis Edition
This is God's Facebook page from the time of Genesis. Unfortunately, I only have screenshots of it because the dude won't accept my friendship request. You sell your soul to the devil for a blogging job ONE TIME....
Hit it for the rest, which I thought was pretty clever.
Nov 20 2008 Must Read: Man Caught Red Handed And Hairy Palmed With Bottle Of Pasta Sauce
Hell no this doesn't have anything to do with gadgets or gizmos, but it is awesome. In a "boy, I'm really glad I'm not that guy" kind of way. Long story short: a man pleasuring himself with a jar of pasta sauce led cops on a low speed chase in Australia. Long story long:
A man caught near Nobbys (!!) Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.
Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed. Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 km/h, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.
Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.
They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling".
A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.
Wow, continuing to pleasure yourself while wrestling with the cops. That's....well that's just ballsy (ZING!). And I don't even want to discuss the contents of his car. But what I do want to discuss is what kind of pasta jar he was using. And also, was there still sauce in it? Traditional tomato-based or alfredo? Did he add pesto? I bet he added pesto.
Man caught with penis in pasta jar [theherald]
Thanks to Matt, who insists hot sauce bottles are where it's at. Thanks buddy, my penis just spontaneously combusted.
Nov 20 2008 WTF Is That?: Weird Super Mario Cartoon
This is part of a Super Mario cartoon. It's called Super Mario: Depression. Hit the jump to see the whole thing, I had to cut it into three pieces just to get it up. It's freaking weird. And kind of made me sad. A world with a depressed Mario is no world I want to live in.
Places to move:
outerspace
your mom's house
your house
Washington D.C.
Candyland
Mushroom Kingdom
Hit it to check the whole thing out.
Continue Reading " WTF Is That?: Weird Super Mario Cartoon "
Nov 20 2008 Cooking With Wookiee: Star Wars Cookbooks
You ever spent time in the kitchen making confectionery love to a Wookiee? Ha, me neither then. But now you can whip up Star Wars-y dishes (sans Wook hair) in no time thanks to this two cookbook set.
Each volume is loaded with different types of inter-galactic recipes: drinks, breakfasts, main courses, desserts, and more. Volume 2 adds some great new culinary concoctions, such as Boss Nass Broccoli, Opee's Sea Crunch, and Darth Double Dogs (doubling as a light saber you can eat!) Age is no issue when it comes to Star Wars cuisine - kids as well as adults will have a great time with these books. Whether you drove to your first Star Wars flick or just had your fifth birthday, there's no reason you can't whip up some Crazy Cantina Chili at near light speed.
The books are available as a set from ThinkGeek and will set you back 15 space bones apiece. Unfortunately, there were no Ewok recipes. I swear, you don't cook those furry bastards just right and they end up all gamey. Now tauntauns, you can't go wrong with those guys. Hoth chickens, that's what I call them.
Thanks to Pedro, a Brazilian reader who doesn't know it yet but is gonna let me crash at his place when I come to Brazil. Isn't that right Pedro?
Nov 20 2008 Feel Just Like Wolverine, Minus The Cool
The Tomahawk Skull Gauntlet costs $40 and surprisingly doesn't have any customer reviews yet. Although I just wrote one. Unfortunately, it looks like it might be moderated first. Booo. UPDATE: Review is now up on the product page.
With this gauntlet strapped to your arm there is no question you are the man in charge! The three piercing spikes stretch 11 1/2" long and are constructed from solid stainless steel. The palm cover is cast metal construction with unique details down to each "bone". With an overall length of 17", this monstrous handspike will not only protect your grip but will send your foes running in the other direction.
Sweet, now you can pretend to be Wolverine. PEW PEW! What do you mean Wolverine doesn't go PEW? I mean, he has a laser blaster doesn't he? He doesn't? Well who am I thinking of then? Oh, right, me. PEW PEW bitches!
Thanks to Richthegringo, who promised me a back scratch as soon as they arrive.
Nov 20 2008 7-Legged Spider Drawing Sells On eBay
Remember my personal hero David Thorne and his seven-legged spider drawing that was idiotically refused as payment for a $233.95 bill? Well the spider just sold on eBay -- for $10,000. And guess who won? This guy. *pointing at self* Ow, my eye. But yeah, I thought about just printing out a copy of the drawing, but then decided that would be immoral. Because I don't steal things -- except women's hearts! I keep them in a cooler full of ice and sell them on the black market. "Hearts! Get your hearts here! Also, ice cold beer."
UPDATE: Somebody on eBay is now selling accessories for seven and eight-legged spider drawings. Hit the jump to see their Santa hat and Buddhist's robe.
Nov 20 2008 Google Cartographer Takes A Taco Break
A Google cartographer, weary from driving around in the Street View van all day, decided that, instead of actually mapping streets, he'd swing by Del Taco and pick up some tortilla wrapped deliciousness. Can you blame him? No. But you can blame the tacos -- they're yummy!
Del Taco representative: please send me a free burrito for the publicity, or else.
UPDATE: I received no burrito. I warned you, now you will suffer the wrath: Del Taco tacos make your dick shrink.
Thanks to my brother Frank, who once ate four chalupas and still had room for a churro.
Nov 20 2008 The World Is Ending, And I Need Better Support: That's Right Folks, Man-Bras
Remember the Seinfeld episode about man-bras (bros)? I'm trying to forget it. But man-bras actually do exist, and here they are. Made by Japanese underwearier Wish Room, each man-bra promises support where you need it most: right at the tit. And as a man who's no stranger to trying on his girlfriend's bras while she's in the shower: I like to put on a little makeup too. Just a little foundation, eyeliner, mascara, blush, and lipstick -- nothing crazy.
HIt the jump for a bunch more disturbing pictures.
Continue Reading " The World Is Ending, And I Need Better Support: That's Right Folks, Man-Bras "
Nov 19 2008 I Knew It, I Knew It!: The Internet Is Magic
Holy shit folks, the internet is magic. You know, this reminds me of an ex-girlfriend's mother who couldn't understand why, just because she misspelled the email address, her message couldn't be delivered. "I only had one letter wrong, the internet lady should have known who I was trying to reach." That's right folks, the internet lady. God she was freaking stupid.
The Internet Is Magic [collegehumor]
Thanks to The Superficial Writer for smearing superglue on the rim of the urinal in the men's room. Now I'm stuck.
Nov 19 2008 Hentai-fied Lamborghini Does Nothing For Me
Hirohiko Yoshida, chairman of Japanese perverted-game maker Age Soft, went and pimped out his Lamborghini and Lancia Stratos with several of the hentai girls from the games that made him rich. Itashi is a growing fad in Japan, and consists of slathering one's car in manga characters. It's not the look I'd go for, but I also don't even own a Lamborghini, so who knows?
*God does, but he's stopped taking my calls. Jesus and I are still tight though, he just can't predict the future like his old man. Isn't that right, G? Now do that wine trick in the bathtub again.
Hit it for several more Itashi-ed cars, including, and pretty much limited to: the Lancia Stratos, an Alfa Romeo, and my mom's minivan.
Continue Reading " Hentai-fied Lamborghini Does Nothing For Me "
Nov 19 2008 Yes!: Star Wars Arts And Crafts For Sale
Star Wars arts and crafts: I just can't get enough of that shit. It's like juice, but not liquid and nowhere near as sugary. Actually, I'm trying to limit my juice intake because I've been drinking too much lately and it's making me run up the walls. Well, not literally. Yes literally! I fell and hurt myself pretty badly. Broke the coffee table. And a cat. Anyway, today on Etsy we have some $5 patterns to make your own crochet Darth Vader and lightsabers, a $12 finger puppet Yoda, and a $950 sequin Darth Maul "painting". Hit up the jump to see them all. And then hit up your parents up for some beer money. Then we can go drink by the train tracks!
Hit it like a vending machine with a half-vended Snickers.
Continue Reading " Yes!: Star Wars Arts And Crafts For Sale "
Nov 19 2008 Solid Snake Escapes Prison In Cardboard Box
A Turkish man, who may or may not be a fan of the Metal Gear Solid series, but who I am dubbing Solid Turkish Snake anyways, escaped German prison in a cardboard box.
The man hid in the box at the end of a shift of his prison job of making stationery and was carried out by a courier service along with other boxes. The inmate then cut through a tarp in the truck and jumped out shortly after the vehicle left the prison grounds. The driver eventually noticed the tarp flapping in the wind and reported the cut to the police.
Wait a minute -- job making stationery? No wonder the poor bastard wanted to escape so bad. Pressing license plates I can understand, but making stationery? That's just cruel and unusual.
Prison Inmate Escapes Jail Using Cardboard Box [snagwiremedia]
Thanks to Kevin, who once escaped a POW camp in a paper airplane. And Saul, who fled an undesirable woman's house in the morning when he rolled the toilet paper out the window, slid down the roll and had an escape.
Nov 19 2008 Really? That's The Best You Could Do?
In a story that reminds me of every wedding I've ever gone to where they set out disposable cameras so you can take pictures, some dude took a snapshot of his junk with his iPhone. And, after emailing it to his mistress, his girlfriend found it. Oh snap! So what did the no-good cheating bastard do? Simple, he blamed it on Apple.
The Fanboy's excuse was that he had taken the picture but never sent it to anyone. In fact he was so worried about his Iphone taking the picture that he said had paid a visit to the ironically named Apple Genius Bar. There he swore that a spokesman for apple had told him that it was a known glitch. Photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent, he swore blind that the Genius told him.
Well folks, I think we can all walk away from this having learned a valuable lesson. One about, oh I don't know, making up better lies.
Help! Iphone snapped my husband's genitals [theinquirer]
Thanks to Michael, who doesn't take pictures of himself in the mirror for his Facebook profile.
Nov 19 2008 Korean Soldiers Get New Halo-y Armor
The Rupublic of Korea's troops are stepping into winter fashion in a big way -- with all new threads and a sweet-ass rifle.
The new new battle uniforms would provide protection against nuclear, biological, and chemical attacks, and would feature automatic temperature control. A new protective vest is also planned. In addition to keeping the lead out, the helmet will be prewired for minicam video transmission, GPS navigation, and assorted networking gear
And the gun?
The double-barreled K-11 assault rifle lets the shooter fire either NATO 5.56- or 20-millimeter grenades, all off the same trigger. Day and night aiming is accomplished with a thermal target seeker and laser that calculates distance automatically--a true point-and-shoot.
Oh man, WANT! I just question how legitimate this new gear is seeing how the picture looks suspiciously like someone Xeroxed the cover of an old sci-fi novel.
Hit the jump for a 5:00 video about the new rifle. Pretty sweet drop-test footage starting at 4:15.
Nov 19 2008 Furbies Not Extinct After All, Still Delicious
Pygmy Tarsiers, now to be referred to only by their scientific name Uglyas Shite, were once thought to be extinct. Well think again!
Pygmy tarsiers rank among the rarest of the many tarsier species in Asia and the Pacific -- and in fact some primatologists had written them off as extinct.They have the distinctive, big-eyed look often associated with Furbys, gremlin-like talking toys that were popular in the late 1990s. Compared with the robotic Furbys, however, the real animals' dimensions are seriously downsized: They typically measure less than 4 inches (105 mm) from head to tail, with most of that length being tail. They weigh less than 2 ounces. And unlike Furbys, they hardly ever vocalize.
That thing does not look like a Furby. It looks like an alien with hair. And miniature human hands. ;) Can I get an amen? Anybody? Okay, how about a high five? Geez, what's with you people today? Well how about one of you club me in the back of the head and th
UPDATE: Ugh, my brain feels mushy. How long was I out for? Thanks a lot whoever you were, I should have known somebody would jump at the chance to brain the poor Geekologie Writer. Oh -- and who said anything about teabagging? I taste hair.
Real-life Furbys rediscovered [msnbc]
Thanks to Furbalicious, Chris, Kathryn, and Kevin, who, for the tips, each receive a coupon for a free pygmy tarsier. Try them with BBQ!
Nov 19 2008 What Was That?: Guitar Hero On A Bike
I have no idea what I just watched. I think it was some sort of bicycling/Guitar Hero mashup. It didn't make any sense. Of course, many things in life don't. Like women and universal remotes. I just don't get it -- why's everything have to be so complicated?*
*I'm being spited me for drinking the holy water that one time. God, I was thirsty!
Thanks to Richard, P0STMAN, and imasys, who could play Guitar Hero on skateboards while eating Hot Fries. Good choice guys, those things are freaking delicious.
Nov 19 2008 Keep Your Money Secure With A LEGO Safe
This LEGO safe is made out of modular plastic blocks called LEGO bricks. And it has a Mindstorm NXT unit attached to handle its secret combination.
Five double digit codes protect your valuables, and the dial goes both ways, so there's a left and right entry for each number -- hence, over 305 billion possible combinations. Moving the safe will trip motion sensors and set off an alarm, and bars inside strengthen the structure.
Not bad -- as long as you're only locking up old Halloween candy or your little sister. But what if you need to protect something a little more valuable? That's right -- always cover your nuts with a free hand.
Video after the jump.
Continue Reading " Keep Your Money Secure With A LEGO Safe "
Nov 18 2008 Alien/Dragon Cars Gaining Popularity In Russia. Also, Remaining A Virgin, Vodka.
Apparently in Krasnoyarsk, Russia, the youth are obsessed with pimping out their cars with dragons, which is probably one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. Dinosaurs, sure, but dragons? What are you, 10?
Thanks to some really imaginative car lovers with tons of time to kill, the youth of the Russian town get to witness some of the wildest car art in the world.Dragon Cars, as they are called, are apparently a real hoot in that neck of the woods and even bald guys with mean looking cars get all the chicks. Now that's what I call a culture shock!
No, dragon cars and dumb bastards getting chicks is not a culture shock. A culture shock is a worn-panty vending machine. *ahem* Japan. I <3 you -- call me. xoxo
Hit the jump for several more of dragon cars, including one of a bald guy smoking a hookah.
Nov 18 2008 Wrong, Just Wrong: Sexy Microphone Video
First of all, these videos are NSFW because they're all of of some chick pleasuring a microphone. Jesus, I feel dirty just posting them. Apparently they're part of some performance piece by artist Wojciech Kosma that has something to do with, um, acoustics, and, uh, bl0wjobs. Actually, I have no idea. But I do know this: I'll never be able to watch an interview the same way again.
Hit the jump for two more equally NSFW videos of the same damn thing. How people can casually sit there and watch is beyond me. Oh, and yes, you are a pervert if you watch these.
Continue Reading " Wrong, Just Wrong: Sexy Microphone Video "
Nov 18 2008 Artist Wants Webcam Installed In Eyeball
San Francisco artist Tanya Vlach lost an eye in a car accident several years ago. And now she wants a webcam installed in her prosthetic, because she's a badass.
Tanya reasons that her aesthetic-only eye could become a source of "augmented reality," and she's got a list of possible specs up on her blog for would-be engineers to begin with. Just some of the things mentioned for inclusion are: DVR capabilities, MPEG-4 compression, a microSD slot, A/V out, and Bluetooth.
Tanya,
While a webcam eyeball would be cool, particularly if you spend a significant portion of your day in the women's locker room or staring at your own privates, I believe there are bigger fish to fry -- with a laser eye. PEW PEW!
Yours truly,
The Geekologie Writer
Monocular San Francisco artist wants webcam installed in her prosthetic eye [engadget]
Thanks to Captain Pants and Allegro, who, for the tips, get their choice of a free pegleg or eye patch.
Nov 18 2008 Couple Divorces After Husband Is Caught Banging Virtual Prostitute In Second Life
In a story that reminds me of this one, a couple is getting divorced after a wife caught the husband banging a virtual hooker in Second Life. Jesus, this shit is pathetic.
Amy Taylor, 28, said she had caught husband David Pollard, 40, having sex with an animated woman. The couple, who met in an Internet chatroom in 2003, are now separated.
"I went mad -- I was so hurt. I just couldn't believe what he'd done," Taylor told the Western Morning News. "It may have started online, but it existed entirely in the real world and it hurts just as much now it is over."The couple's real-life wedding in 2005 was eclipsed by a fairy tale ceremony held within Second Life.
Fairy tale wedding ceremony in Second Life, beautiful. But here comes the kicker -- wait for it, wait for it.
Taylor is now in a new relationship with a man she met in the online roleplaying game World of Warcraft.
BWHA HAAH AHA HAH HAHAA! Dreams really do come true!
Second Life affair ends in divorce [cnn]
Thanks to Allegro, Curtis, and Ryan, who have never cheated on their significant others because they aren't giant sacks of shit. Ladies?
Nov 18 2008 Questionable: Highly Inappropriate Zune Ad
Allegedly this is a spec ad made for the Microsoft Zune. If it's real, I hope Microsoft demanded their money back and told the ad agency responsible they're all a bunch of sick sickos. Because this is just wrong. I don't want to ruin it for you, but it's awful. And sick. And disgusting. And morally reprehensible. Ugh, just vile. And tactless. Okay, so how'd he do that? And will finger paint work?
Thanks "Cool Zune Ad!" Frank, I'd hate to see what you consider an uncool Zune ad.
Nov 18 2008 How To: Make Your Own Bacon Ice Cream
Mmmm. If there's one thing that makes a geek, it's having never seen a boob in real life. If there's two, it's a penchant for Mountain Dew and bacon. Am I right? *high five* WOO! Still haven't seen a titty. Maybe someday. But damn do I pound some Dew. And, when the mood strikes me, bacon. Well now you can make your own delicious candied bacon ice cream by following the simple instructions over at David Lebovitz's website. I don't really want to go into details, but for you stoners out there: it's a little more complicated than just adding Bac~O's to vanilla ice cream. Which, ZOMG, is totally about to happen!
Candied Bacon Ice Cream Recipe [davidlebovitz]
Thanks to Dan, who once ate partially cooked bacon off a stripper's ass but felt sick afterward.
Nov 18 2008 Old Vampire-Killing Kit Sells For Small Fortune
An authentic vampire-killing kit from the 1800's recently sold at auction for nearly $15,000 to a pale man in a black cape. "This is a complete kit that comes fully equipped - stakes, mirrors, a gun with silver bullets (because where there are Vampires there might be Werewolves), crosses, a Bible, holy water, candles and garlic." The whole kit is housed in a beautifully decorated American walnut carrying-case. You know, because vampires hate nut trees, and nuts in general. Isn't that right, Dracula? Haha, biggest pair you've ever seen!
1800s Vampire Killing Kit Sold For $14,850 [youbentmywookie]
Thanks to Dave and REW, both of whom are trained in the art of beating the shit out of vampires.
Nov 17 2008 The World's Best Exercise Machine
We've seen incarnations of the treadmill-cycle in the past, but this one really takes the cake. Mostly because you can run on that mother tandem. And there's nothing cooler than running on a treadmill with wheels directly behind another guy running on the same treadmill with wheels. Seriously, If this thing was any more awesome I'd sell my comic book collection just to invest in the company. But since it's not, I'm going to rob a liquor store. Party at my place later!*
*Guys must bring two girls for admittance. And no ugly ones!
The Most Pointless Exercise Machine of All Time [current]
Thanks to Karilyn and Michael, who both agree I look sexy as hell in my short running shorts.
Nov 17 2008 Oooh, Nice Ride: The New Presidential Limo
General Motors, best known for their delicious line of breakfast cereals, has designed an all new presidential limo for when Barack Obama takes power next year. They were going to do it four years ago, but figured, f*** it, let's focus our efforts on going belly-up for awhile. Anyway, the car.
Most of the specs of this car are top secret, but a few tantalizing details are floating around, such as the five-inch-thick windows that are about half as transparent as regular glass and can stop projectiles from assault rifles, rocket-propelled grenades and high explosives. It's also said to be built of a combination of blast-proof ceramics and exotic metals, and certainly won't have a convertible top or sunroof. While GM's trying to make it look like a Cadillac DTS, it's based on the company's line of heavy-duty 2500 trucks.
Top secret specs my ass. I'll tell you all about this thing: It runs on a rocket engine powered by the tar-like blood of terrorists. It can also hover. Comes complete with dinosaur chauffeur who doubles as sexual masseuse should you hit rush-hour traffic. AM/FM radio. Four tires and spare donut in the trunk. Mini-bar. Wicked two-tone paintjob. Left and right turn signals. Bomb proof undercarriage. 7MPG city/13 highway. A real pussy magnet. I'm serious -- the CIA stole my blueprints.
Obama's new presidential limo is built like a tank, looks like a Cadillac [dvice]
Nov 17 2008 Asking Your iPhone: Am I Drunk Yet?
Drunk calculator applications already exist for the iPhone, but this one is more in depth. And freer. Because it's free. You can choose exactly what you've had to drink, and based on your weight, it determines how sloshed you are. Like right now it's telling me I shouldn't even be blogging. F*** it though. Seriously, it doesn't know shit. Bartender, another. If you do get too drunk, the application will even call you a cab or tell you to make out with the dude next to you who looks feminine enough to warrant a kiss. Then, puke on yourself, lose your shoes, and pass out in a ditch and get frostbite. I mean, it's the American way. Back me up Superficial Writer. Haha, yeah, I just told them about your weekend. So, did you get dude's number?
Last Call iPhone App Wants You To Get Drunk Responsibly [gizmodo]
Thanks to Josh, who drank 40 beers for breakfast and still had bourbon with lunch.
Nov 17 2008 Change The Color Of Your Glasses With Ink
The RGB Glasses from designer Luís Porém are hollow and made to be filled with the ink color of your choice. Want black glasses? Add black ink! Want pink glasses? Add pink ink! Want tortoiseshell glasses? Add brown, orange, and black ink! Want to frighten everyone you pass? Add the blood of your fallen enemies and smile while you gnaw on a raw arm.
Hit the jump for a couple more.
Continue Reading " Change The Color Of Your Glasses With Ink "
Nov 17 2008 Tetris Bracelet: Damn You Got Blocky Wrists
Looking for that perfect present for the Tetris fan in your family? How about two free therapy sessions? No? Okay, how about a $70 Tetris bracelet?
This handmade Tetris resin bracelet is embellished with a scene from the classic block-stacking puzzler. Created by Warsaw artist Sylwia Calus (a.k.a. "Sisicata"), its painstakingly detailed with tiny colorful bricks, infused into a clear resin cuff.
I'm not sure what "scene" from the game that is, but it looks like the one where you freaking suck and can't drop a line to save your life from a group of terrorists demanding ransom from you family or they'll kill you. :)
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Continue Reading " Tetris Bracelet: Damn You Got Blocky Wrists "
Nov 17 2008 Now That's A Good Dog!: How To Cook A Hot Dog Russian Style, Or, Alternatively: How I Died Trying To Heat A Wiener
This is how some system administrator in Russia prepares himself a quick meal during those long nights at the office -- with a 220-volt hotdog. He stabs a fork in each end, connects the clips, plugs in the plug, and presto: death by electrocution just waiting to happen. The guy even sticks LEDs in the dog to determine its ripeness. Now call me crazy, but my god that must be one delicious wiener.
Hit the jump to see two more of the process, including cooking and LED insertion.
Nov 14 2008 What If?: The Matrix Ran On Windows
Is this is what would have happened if the Matrix ran on Windows? I dunno, maybe. But the real question is this: what if the Matrix ran on ethanol? If you answered "we'd be drinking buddies," you are correct.
The Matrix Runs On Windows [collegehumor]
Thanks to Jen, who once went down the rabbit hole and found herself in Wonderland. Remember, Jen, what the dormouse said: "FEED YOUR HEAD! FEED your head!"
Nov 14 2008 First Peek At Another Planetary System!
That's right folks, this is the first photo (I have no idea what this was then), taken by the Hubble Space Telescope, of a planet orbiting another star. "[The picture] shows a planet orbiting the bright southern star Fomalhaut, located 25 light-years away in the constellation Piscis Australis." Hit the jump for another pictures of a planetary system 130 light-years away. That Hubble must have some camera! And, wait a minute -- THAT'S NOT A PLANET, THAT'S THE EYE OF SAURON! We're all dead! But, before I go, where'd that sexy little Gollum run off to?
Hit it for a couple more photos.
Continue Reading " First Peek At Another Planetary System! "
Nov 14 2008 Kami Kami Bite Counter Helps Ensure Proper Chewing. OMG, I Wore Headgear As A Child
It's weird the things you block out from your childhood. Like wearing headgear or touching a friend's penis. The Kami Kami Sensor counts how many bites a child makes (to ensure proper chewing), and beeps to notify every 30 and 1,000 bites. It's available now for $189 and I just bought one. Finally, a definitive answer to how many licks it takes to get the the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop! One, two, three *CRUNCH*. Three! And two chipped teeth. Oh shit, and a cavity.
Kami Kami Sensor counts your bites while scaring away friends [dvice]
Nov 14 2008 It's Beautiful!: A Crystal (Meth) Apartment
Roger Hoirn is an artist. An artist that grows crystals on things. Because that's what floats his boat -- crystals. I like turtles. Roger was able to grow copper-sulfate crystals on every possible surface of an apartment. How?
The answer is simple and at the same time remarkably difficult to achieve on this scale. Anyone who has had a chemistry lesson knows how you grow copper-sulfate crystals: make a supersaturated solution by dissolving lots of them in hot water, then, as it cools, they recrystalize, growing on whatever you dangle in the solution.
He sealed a ground-floor flat - turning it into a huge tank - and filled it with 75,000 liters of hot, supersaturated copper-sulfate solution, poured in through holes in the floor of the flat above. Then he waited for it to cool, pumped out the remaining liquid and broke back into the sealed flat to see what had happened. It had worked.
Cool. And by cool I mean you can freaking forget about your security deposit.
Hit the jump for another picture and worthwhile video.
Continue Reading " It's Beautiful!: A Crystal (Meth) Apartment "
Nov 14 2008 FAKE!: Guy Loses His Cool In Hotel
There are few joys in life like laughing at some poor bastard's misfortune. Which is why I loved this video so much. Unfortunately, it's fake and actually an ad for Cisco's Integrated Communications or some such poppycock. I know, major letdown. It's still worth a viewing though. I mean, it's Friday and you've already started drinking. You have already started drinking, right? Come on, have a couple cocktails with me. They'll make lunch taste that much better!
Thanks to Mike, who once blew up in line at Target. Nobody survived.
Nov 13 2008 Good Idea!: Man Submits Drawing Of Spider Instead Of Payment For Overdue Account
David Thorne didn't have the $233.95 to pay an overdue account. So what did he do? What any other budding young genius would do, he submitted a picture of a spider he drew instead. Unfortunately, Jane Gilles, who is clearly a mega-bitch to the nth degree, wouldn't accept it. So what happened next? Hit the jump to find out. But I'll give you a hint: time travel! And also, David's account not getting paid.
You really want to read the rest, so hit it.
EDIT: Here's the original page which provides a little more info.
Nov 13 2008 Light Up And Wall Out: Fiber Optic Wallpaper
We've seen light-emitting wallpaper in the past, but that was just conceptual. This fiber optic wallpaper is actually available. Like today, if you have $231 to blow on a roll. There are several color options, but it looks like you're limited to flowers as far as the design goes. Not that anybody even uses wallpaper anymore. Except me. Now call me old fashioned but, WHAT THE....my typewriter screen just went out.
Hit the jump for another picture with blue/white light.
Continue Reading " Light Up And Wall Out: Fiber Optic Wallpaper "
Nov 13 2008 Live Streaming Puppy Video: What The Interweb Was Built For (No, Not Porn)
This is a litter of Shiba Inu puppies brought to you in live, streaming video. Why? Because they're cute and I want one (the one in the yellow collar). Porn aside, this is clearly what the interweb was built for. So I can lie here on the couch and watch a gaggle of puppies , without fear of shit on my own carpet. You know, sometimes life isn't so bad after all. Oh my god my yellow one is running in his sleep! Precious. Now the green one bit the red one to wake him up! I think I'm gonna cry.
Thanks Heather. This is, in fact, the cutest thing I've seen all day.
Nov 13 2008 Now You Can Get That 'Whee, I'm Popping Edamame!' Feeling Wherever You Go
Love edamame? Have no idea what edamame is? They're soybean pods. And the beans inside are delicious. Mmmm, soybeans, mmmm. Half the fun of eating them is kicking the scrumptious little bastards out of their pod home. Pop! Now you can get that feeling anywhere thanks to Bandai's Puni Puni Edamame keychain. The $6 gadget gives you that satisfaction of evicting soybeans whenever you want. Each bean has a different face on it, so you'll never get bored because each pod will contain three different faces! That's a lot of entertainment. For six dollars. Also, it says you're not supposed to eat them but I did anyways. I'm growing a bean plant in my tummy!
Hit the jump for a disturbing promotional picture featuring a guy with streamers coming out of his eyes, and two videos. Of which you should at least watch the first, so you can see all the fun to be had.
Continue Reading " Now You Can Get That 'Whee, I'm Popping Edamame!' Feeling Wherever You Go "
Nov 13 2008 Styrofoam Gundam Looks Styrofoamy, Tasty
This is a Gundam-esque robot made out of recycled styrofoam packaging. Thankfully, I'm not that afraid of him because I'm pretty confident I could karate chop right through his ass. HI-YA!
Holy shit, he broke my arm. Quick, a lighter!
UPDATE: Mmmm, I love the smell of *cough* burning styrofoam in the morning. Smells like *cough*....cancer.
Recycled Styrofoam Gundam Robot [dinosaursandrobots]
Thanks to Stephanie, who knows the only good robot is one made of packaging peanuts. Or macaroni.
Nov 13 2008 A Peek At The Terminator Salvation Bike
Allegedly this is the 'Moto-Terminator' bike set to appear in next year's Terminator Salvation featuring Christian Bale and Dick Dragon.
Production director Martin Laing was responsible for envisioning some of the near-future killing devices, and has created (among a lot of other scary looking metal) this Moto-Terminator motorcycle. The bike seems to be the chilling Terminator character we know and love in motorcycle form (note the signature red "eyes"), replete with plenty of new mean toys attached.
ZOMG, the Terminator as a motorcycle. What will they think of next?
A: Transformers.
'Moto-Terminator' Bike Coming to Terminator Salvation [nextautos]
Thanks to Jordon, who once fell off the back of a motorcycle and into a homeless bag-lady's heart.
Nov 13 2008
For The Ladies Everyone: A Makeup Fridge
Korean manufacturer IDOCI is releasing a small refrigerator specifically designed for storing cosmetics. The unit will keep eyeliner, blush, rouge, lipstick, war paint, and fake blood in "the ideal 8 - 12 degree Celsius (46 - 53 Fahrenheit) range." Not only that, each fridge has an interior light. So you can see the shit inside! No word on price, but they do come in a ton of different colors. Which, if you're actually considering a fridge for your makeup, is probably far more important than cost.
Hit the jump for color options!
Continue Reading "
For The Ladies Everyone: A Makeup Fridge
"
Nov 12 2008 Mayor of Turkish City 'Batman' Is Suing Christopher Nolan And Warner Brothers
Huseyin Kalkan, the mayor of Batman, Turkey, is suing (director) Christopher Nolan and Warner Brothers for using the name of the city in The Dark Knight without his permission. In other news, Batman may have elected a retarded mayor. And should totally sue this little twerp.
"There is only one Batman in the world," Kalkan said. "The American producers used the name of our city without informing us."Kalkan claims he has evidence, which will show the city of Batman was founded before the 1939 debut of Bob Kane's DC Comics superhero by the same name.
Wow. Just wow. It all makes sense now. I mean, Batman, Turkey is like the crime-fighting capital I've never heard of. Why has this been a non-issue for the past 70 years? Simple -- stupid mayors. Somebody send that city a big bag full of cash, pronto.
Christopher Nolan being sued by Batman [msnbc]
Thanks to Morrocco Mole, Marc, and Adam, governors of The Riddler, Penguin, and Mr. Freeze, respectively.
Nov 12 2008 Sharpie Lamborghini For Sale on eBay
Remember the Sharpie Lamborghini posted a couple months ago? Well it's back, and this time on eBay. That's right folks, for the low, low price of somewhere between $255,000 and $289,950, this marvel of modern drawing techniques can be yours.
This is a 'ONE OF A KIND ' Gallardo Coupe: The car has been featured on MTV 'My sweet 16 with 'Timbaland'. This car is the most Famous Gallardo ever made for the U.S. market. It took over 1000 hours of art work done by hand to complete this incredible masterpiece. This car is still on M.S.O. so you would be the first owner if you win the auction.
So, which one of you readers is gonna buy it? And, when you do, will you take me for a spin? Gas, grass, or ass, nobody rides for free -- I live by that creed. *wink* Ass.
Hit the jump for several more pictures and a link to the auction.
Nov 12 2008 And You Thought I Was Kidding -- Well, I Wasn't: Jules The Scary-Faced Robot Openly Discusses Destroying The Human Race
We're all dead. This is Jules, a robot head created to make the most realistic facial expressions possible, talking about destroying humanity. The really disturbing part is that some sick f*** actually programmed him to say this shit. So yeah, we're gonna need two bullets.
Thanks Jeff, Scanner Erik, Marcus, and Uncle Eccoli, you owe me a new pair of pants.
Nov 12 2008 Best Buy Gift Card Doubles As Speaker, Target Gift Card Doubles As Digital Camera, Geekologie Writer Doubles As Your Father
Reader, I am your father. And you can tell your mother I'm not paying her shit, she's been bleeding me dry for long enough. But I'll still send you a gift card for Christmas, you know, because I love you. And also, if you grow up to play a professional sport, I want you to remember your dear old dad. Anyway, Best Buy and Target are taking a different approach to gift cards this year. By making them both gift card AND present. That's right, the Best Buy card doubles as a speaker, complete with mini-headphone jack, and the Target one is actually a 1.3 megapixel, 8MB digital camera. You ever redeemed a giftcard with pictures of your genitals on it? No? Then you haven't lived. Unfortunately, you have to buy at least $50 cards to get the cool ones. So yeah, there goes my $5 surround sound system.
Hit the jump for a shot of the camera card.
Nov 12 2008 WMDs: Death By Great Flaming Balls
So the Pentagon is employing a new weapon in the fight against WMDs. Namely, giant flaming balls (aka rocket balls).
These are hollow spheres, made of rubberized rocket fuel; when ignited, they propel themselves around at random at high speed, bouncing off the walls and breaking through doors, turning the entire building into an inferno. The makers call them "kinetic fireball incendiaries." The Pentagon doesn't want to talk about them, but published documents show that the fireballs have undergone tests on underground bunkers.
WTF!? Suffice it to say the Indiana Jones franchise would have ended 15 minutes into Raiders of the Lost Ark if the ancient Peruvians had employed a rocket ball instead of a giant freaking rock.
Click the article for a much longer explanation of the the weapons.
Secret Rocket Balls Target WMD Bunkers [wired]
Thanks to 42 y/o undead warlock, who even giant flaming balls can't kill.
Nov 12 2008 Heat Sensitive Pillows Change Colors, Whee!
The Please Touch Pillow wants you to touch in -- in a bad way. So it can change colors! They cost $160 and are made by witches. The more you wash them the less color changing they get, until, eventually, they're just regular pillows you paid $160 for. Now there was something else I was going to say, what was it? Oh right, I had a Hypercolor shirt 20 years ago! Sucketh thine, Please Touch Pillow -- I shalt not fondle thee!
Please Touch Pillow [outblush]
Thanks again to RyanThePerson, who may or may not be RyanThePillowFondler behind closed doors.
Nov 12 2008 Finally, Some Research I Can Get Behind -- And Drink!: Students Aim To Help Prevent Cancer With Delicious, Refreshing Beer
Students at Rice University are using genetic engineering to develop a beer that contains resveratrol and may help prevent cancer.
BioBeer, as it's called, has three genes spliced into special brewer's yeast that produce resveratrol, the chemical in red wine that is thought to protect against diabetes, cancer, Alzheimer's and other age-related conditions.The only problem, from the students' perspective, is that many of them aren't old enough to legally consume their creation.
Ha -- too young to drink! Maybe you could ask some seniors to go buy you a six-pack of Zima. Just kidding. But yes, that's a picture of my brother and I playing 24-hands a couple weekends ago. We would have played with 40's but my brother (on the left) weighs 135 pounds and 80 ounces of malt liquor would probably kill him. So, yeah, next time. But cheers to being cancer free! And also, somebody help get this tape off my hands.
'Bio-Beer' Designed to Extend Life [discovery]
Thanks to Phil and Pat, who actually play keg hands because they're that hardcore.
Nov 12 2008 Sexy Animal Crackers Fetch $7.25 On eBay
A bull and donkey were caught mid-coitus in a bowl of animal crackers by some guy's wife. And, like a Virgin Mary pork rind, it ended up on eBay.
As you can see from the pictures, What we have here is a bull making sweet, sweet love to a donkey. (too bad it isn't an elephant---it would make a great political piece!) My wife pulled this out of a bowl of animal crackers a few weeks ago. I have been storing it in an air-tight bag since! The cracker was baked like this!!! No foul play!
No foul play my ass! That poor donkey. I think they're stuck together. Seriously though, who knew crackers could be so sexy? Just imagine cookies! *rolling out dough* Anybody have dinosaur cookie cutters?
eBay Auction
Thanks to RyanThePerson, not to be confused with RyanTheAnimalCracker.
Nov 12 2008 It's The Future!: Gmail, Now With Video Chat
Truthfully, I only use Gmail and Gmail chat to communicate with two select individuals (you know who you are). But now, thanks to the marvel of modern technology, we can talk it up with streaming video. Oh happy day! You ever videochat with a blogger that's only left bed to let the dog out and eat three bowls of cereal? And on a side note: did that just make your loins tingle? Because it did mine. Just kidding, bed bugs.
Nov 11 2008 Help A Virgin Devirginize!: Actually, Nevermind
Nobody has helped me devirginize, so why should I help anybody else? Gotta look out for numero uno, if you know what I mean. I'm gonna touch a boob yet. Anyway, some poor schmuck allegedly has a lady friend that will have sex with him if his website gets 5 million unique hits by New Years (just get a hook already you cheap bastard). Which, since he was only at 84,939 the last time I checked, probably isn't going to happen. How do I know? Click the link to his page to find out.
Haha, f*** you buddy!
Thanks to "this is not my site, I am happily sexed up" Brad, for rubbing that in my face.
Real site here if you really want to help the undeserving bastard.
Nov 11 2008 Get That 'Peeling A Banana' Feeling Anytime!
In the same vein as the bubble wrap popper and envelope ripper, comes the banana peeler, a device that gives its user the sensation of peeling a banana, complete with sound effects. The Dazzling Banana will cost six coconuts when it hits stores in Japan next March. Sadly it isn't edible (although I'll still sure as as hell try). While six pineapples isn't bad, but what's so fun about peeling bananas? I prefer my bananas pre-peeled. Now mush you stupid monkeys, MUSH!
UPDATE: It was brought to my attention that calling monkeys stupid doesn't do justice to their keen intellect. So, my little banana peeling minions, I apologize. Now put the turds down, and nobody gets tazed.
Dazzling Banana an electronic Banana peeler [newlaunches]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who has a banana in his pocket. If that's a good thing -- if not, it's a wad of cash.
Nov 11 2008 WTF?: Toyota Corolla Ninja Cat Commercial
This is allegedly a television ad for the new Toyota Corolla. It has a bunch of weird ninja cats in it and doesn't make an ATM lick of sense. And then, to make matters worse, one of the ninja cats steals a car at the end. Now what is this teaching the nation's cat population? Whatever it is, it can't be -- WHISKERS, NO! AWAY FROM THE....*tires squealing* Goddamnit, thanks a lot Toyota.
Thanks to Jaybone the Hispanic Dude from Greenpoint who may or may not be a ninja cat simply going by Jaybone the Hispanic Dude from Greenpoint.
Nov 11 2008 Design Contest Mimobot Flash Drives
Mimoco, the company best known for making cute USB drives (particularly the Star Wars series), recently held a contest in which fans were encouraged to design their own Mimobot and submit them for voting. Well the ballots were cast, and these are (five of the) six winners, each made into a real Mimobot. Available in 1, 2, 4 and 8GB capacities, they'll set you back $25, $35, $50 or $80, respectively. I really want the Russian Cosmonaut myself. And not just because I'm building a rocketship and blasting off to the moon (although I totally am). Nope, I'm just a man that loves good Russian vodka. You ever broken the top off a bottle so you have to finish the whole thing in one sitting? Mmmm, something about the broken glass really makes your stomach bleed.
Nov 11 2008 Fire: Set Your Wrist Ablaze! (Metaphorically)
Tokyoflash is back at it, this time with their new Fire design.
Created from a fusion of plastics carefully wrapped around a solid, seamless sheet of highly polished stainless steel, Tokyoflash Fire features a new formation of multi-colored LEDs and is a lightweight design, built to last.
Each hole, with two LEDs beneath the surface represents one unit of time. Yellow LEDs indicate hours 1-12, red LEDs indicate groups of 10 minutes and green LEDs indicate single minutes 1-9.
So it's a fairly easy to read model too. Go ahead -- test yourself on the watch in the picture. Did you get it right? If so, pat yourself on the back. If not, put your helmet back on, your mommy's probably worried about you. The Fire is available now for about $130 and makes the perfect Christmas gift for the person who has everything -- particularly wrists.
UPDATE: F*** it, kankles work too.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a link to the product page.
Continue Reading " Fire: Set Your Wrist Ablaze! (Metaphorically) "
Nov 11 2008 Sure, Why Not: A New, Flatter Lightbulb
Korean designer Joonhuyn Kim came up with a novel improvement for lightbulbs -- making them flatter!
unlike ordinary bulbs its volume is 1/3 smaller, reducing the cost of packaging and transport. its slim shape allows bulbs to be easily stacked and prevents breakage as it does not roll.
Sweet. But as a guy who's smoked crack thinking it was something else, a word of advice: you catch yourself freebasing out of a lightbulb and it's time to reevaluate your life. Or admit you're a crackhead.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not: A New, Flatter Lightbulb "
Nov 11 2008 Fake! Shadows Are Too Perfect, This Is From The Summer Blockbuster Never Back Down From Beating A Dead Horse: Real Life Photoshop
This is what Photoshop would look like in real life. If you think it's fake you can go this Flickr gallery to see its construction, then suck it. And if you think it's from the scene in Never Back Down where The Geekologie Writer stabs a commenter through their monitor, well, I can make that happen.
What Photoshop Would Look Like in Real Life [gizmodo]
Thanks to Harrison and Roberto, who are neither fake nor from a stupid freaking movie.
Nov 10 2008 Thanks A Lot Big Guy, All I Got Was An Extra Tooth: God Gives Man 260-Horsepower
Allegedly Allah gave Sayyed Muhammad Ahmad Abdallah the power of 260 horses, roughly the equivalent of 30,000 men. He has been married 24 times, fathered 35 children, and can bend coins with his eye socket and rip them with his hands. WTF! He has to have sex with his 4 current wives at least 15 times a day (in total) and can't shake hands with someone without breaking all their fingers. Needless to say, masturbating is completely out of the question.
Thanks to Ian, who God actually gave 330-horsepower -- and leather seats.
Nov 10 2008 Why Am I Not Surprised?: An R2-D2 Aquarium
He's been steampunkified, LEGOfied, made into cakes, a fridge, a USB hub, a home theater system, a trashcan (surprise, surprise), a computer case, and even a beanie, and now, in his latest incarnation, it's R2-D2 as an aquarium. The $129 aquatic habitat is sold by Hammacher Schlemmer and has a 1.75-gallon capacity. "R2's eye-piece even works as a periscope so you can get an up close look at your little buddies while they meander around." Then, you can eat them. Mmmm, fish sticks!
R2-D2 aquarium [crunchgear]
Thanks to Hunter, who had a birthday last week and is finally old enough to legally kick ass.
Nov 10 2008 Dance Dance Revolution Musical Coming Out
So, yeah, there's a musical based on Dance Dance Revolution coming out. Why? Because it's the end of the world as we know it, that's why.
It's set in an Orwellian society where a dance prophet named Moonbeam Funk helps dancing youth gangs rebel against a fascist government. The company working on the show describes it as "like Footloose set in the future -- but kind of scarier, and with 40 really attractive, barely-clothed young actors and buckets of free beer."
Wait, is that free beer for the audience? Because I can sit through a lot for a free bucket of free beer. Including, but not limited to, karaoke, and a horrible play based on a video game. And yes, I Photoshopped Zac Efron into the picture for The Superficial Writer. Dude sings that High School Musical bullshit all day long. Damnit, hold on. *leaning over cube wall* SHUT THE FUCK UP!
DDR, The Long Overdue Musical Version [kotaku]
Thanks to Jen, who could dance your ass off. And also, out-costume you.
Nov 10 2008 World's Largest Piñata Sadly Not Filled With Thousands Of Airplane Bottles (BOOO!)
The world's largest piñata was recently constructed and displayed in Philadephia, PA as part of a publicity stunt and commercial for Carnival Cruise Lines. "The donkey was 28.5 meters (94′) long, 7.2 meters (24′) wide and 18 (60′) meters tall and fill with 3,628 lbs of candy. (8,000lbs)." Carnival got the crowd riled up by promising to bust the monster ass open with a giant wrecking ball, but never did. Which is pretty freaking disappointing. And you know what else is? That it wasn't filled with cars. Lamest. Fiesta. Ever.
Hit the jump for one more picture.
Nov 10 2008 A Darth Vader Toaster: Dark Side That Bread
This $55 Star Wars toaster burns a perfect Vader face into each and ever slice of delicious multi-grain bread (not included) and is available for pre-order even as I type (ships in January).
If there's something every Sith Lord knows how to do it's make a balanced breakfast. While the Jedi have to live off of Jawa juice and fried nerfsteak, the Dark Lord of the Sith prefers to have a reminder of his fiery Mustafar defeat at his breakfast table. Every morning he burns that moment into a slice of bread with the Darth Vader Toaster. This black, ominous kitchen appliance easily leaves the mark of Vader's helmet in every yummy piece of toast. Slather some Bantha butter on top, or make two pieces for an extra-Sithy BLT. Force power not required to operate toaster.
A Darth Vader face in your toast is cool and all, but I can think of plenty of other things I'd rather have burnt into my toast. Namely butter and jam. ZOMG I'm gonna be rich!
Thanks to Romeo, who can burn whatever he wants onto his toast because he has laser eyes.
Nov 10 2008 Not Just A Pretty (Reflected) Face: An Interactive, Touch-Sensitive Mirror
It's a mirror. It's interactive. It's an interactive mirror. You can touch it to paint pictures and manipulate text. "Conceptualized by Alpay Kasal of Lit Studios and Sam Ewen of Interference Inc. This is a patent pending touch capable mirror." Now I'm not sure about the practical applications of such a reflectionary device, but hey, who said anything about practicality? If I wanna do my hair and browse recipes at the same time, that's my God-given right. Kidding ladies, that one's yours.
JOKING!
Youtube
Thanks to Brooke, who probably wishes she hadn't sent this and now thinks I'm a racist.
Nov 10 2008 It's About Time!: A Comfy Computer Chair
While this was originally designed as a barstool for kilt-wearing Scots, I think we can all agree it doubles as the world's most ergonomic computer chair. It even has an ashtray for cigars!
Scottish Bar Stool (for Kilts) [imagef1]
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Thanks to Ubergeek85, 85th in line for the the throne.
Nov 10 2008 What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Everything): World's Largest Truck Going Robotic
A group of sickos at Carnegie Mellon have decided to automate the world's largest truck, a 3,550-horsepower, 700-ton behemoth designed to haul 240-ton loads.
Autonomous vehicle technology is pretty much in its infancy," said Tony Stentz, a professor at CMU involved in the project. Stentz expects that over the next five to 10 years, the technology will expand to areas beyond mining, eventually finding its way into consumer cars and trucks.
Autonomous vehicle technology. Really has a ring to it, doesn't it? No, it doesn't -- and anybody that answered yes is a robot sympathizer and officially on the FU-BOTS shit list. Seriously, this is bad news. You know what happens when a 700-ton robot truck gets road rage?
A: Everybody dies.
World's Largest Truck Goes Robotic [discovery]
Thanks to Hayden, who gets a free membership to FU-BOTS for finding this as scary as I do.
Nov 9 2008 Microsoft Running Slave Camp In China (J/K Microsoft, Please Keep Advertising With Us)
Microsoft bought a bus and now offers free transportation to and from work for some of its employees in China. The only catch? You have to sit at a workstation. Good if you like reading email and catching up on the day's news, bad if there's a sweaty man with a whip behind you demanding productivity. Seriously, the last thing I want to do on the way to work is work. If I found myself having to blog in the car I'd drive straight off a bridge -- and into your heart! Here, I got you a promise ring.
Nov 9 2008 eBay: Questionable Star Wars Iron-On Decal
Always wanted an iron-on decal of C-3PO distracting R2 while he wipes his golden dipstick across his diminutive friend's neck? Now's your chance! Bidding starts at $0.01 with $2.99 shipping.
- The size of this transfer is about 4 x 5 inches.- Works on 100% cotton or polyester blend fabrics, such as T-shirts, caps, bags, pillowcases or mouse pads, just be creative and let your imagination run wild.
- Homoerotic, and roboerotic.
Remember: BEEPITY BOOP BEEP = No means no.
Thanks to James, who, even drunk, has never tried to stick it to a trashcan.
Nov 9 2008 Yes Please: A Zelda Themed Belt Buckle
I love Zelda. I eat that shit up like week-old Halloween candy. Or spaghetti. Except The Adventure of Link, they made that last Palace far too hard for a 6-year old. Or a 20-something. Seriously, eff that thing. Anyway, this is a $20 officially licensed Zelda belt buckle. It's Zelda's crest if you couldn't tell, and I bought two. One for my belt, and the other I just pounded into my skull. Now I know what you're thinking, "Jesus, Geekologie Writer, that almost sounds too sexy." And you're right, my brain hurts.
Thanks to Justin, who wasn't sure if I was being serious about posting everything Zelda. These hips don't lie Justin!
Nov 7 2008 iPhone Ocarina App Won't Call Epona, Turn Night Into Day, Warp You Anywhere, Make You Look Cool
The ocarina is an ancient instrument (possibly dating back 12,000 years) that has appeared in Zelda games. Which makes it dear to my heart. And I post all things Zelda on Geekologie. Because I love it that much. You could send me a tip about naming your boner Link and I'd post that shit. I'm honestly that stupid. Anyway, now there's an ocarina application for the iPhone. It's called SMule Ocarina, and it'll set you back a penny short of a buck. You just blow into the phone's mic, push the simulated holes on top, and look like a jackass. But go ahead, play the Song of Time, I dare you. You know what's gonna happen? I'm gonna punch you in the face. I have a real ocarina bitches! TOOT TOOTLE TOOT DOODLE DOOT!
Hit the jump for a video that made me cut myself.
Nov 7 2008 Why God, Why?: A Welcome Mat Mouse Pad
I've seen it all now. A $13 mouse pad that looks like a welcome mat. Jesus, what will they think of next? And could it possibly be this freaking stupid?
UPDATE: Jesus said their next pad is gonna look like a little mouse cage. Aaaaaand I'm out. *BANG*
Thanks to Reece, who knows that the only good mouse pad is a bearskin rug.
Nov 7 2008 Thanks But No Thanks (I Value My Ass): Honda's Assisted Walking Device
Honda's taking another stab at the growing assisted walking market (that's a market!?), this time with what appears to be a robot that hides between your legs and pokes you in the genitals.
The device will supporting a portion of user's body weight whether they're crouching, walking or climbing stairs and is meant to help both those physically weakened with age or injury as well as workers who would need to reduce the stress on their bodies from heavy work or unusual positions.
The device will support users within two inches of its preset 5-foot, 7-inch user height. The entire system, including its lithium ion battery and shoes, weighs 14.3lbs, and uses two electric motors to assist users' leg movement for up to two hours before a re-charge is required.
Interesting, but I'm going to have pass. You see, I accidentally violated myself with a pogo stick once, and ever since, well, I just couldn't imagine ever cheating on it. I heart you Springy!
Hit the jump for another picture of the barebones device, along with a video of the piece in action.
Continue Reading " Thanks But No Thanks (I Value My Ass): Honda's Assisted Walking Device "
Nov 7 2008 Stylin' And Profilin' (And Kicking Myself In The Nuts For Writing That) With A Mario Hoodie
Looking for a sweet new hoodie to rock this fall? How about a Super Mario inspired joint? The MarioFlauge hoodie is currently available for pre-order and will set you back 65 pieces of eight. It's jam packed with enough golden coins, warp pipes, and phallic mountains for even the most discriminating hoodier. DO WANT.
Thanks to Dan, who wears a hoodie the only way he knows how: backwards. You see, Dan is special.
Nov 7 2008 A Sweet Stop-Motion Mega Man Video
This is a wicked Mega Man (or Rockman) stop motion video made with paper and kickass. I liked it. It got kind of silly towards the end, but it's Friday, and sometimes it's good to get a little silly at the end. Obviously I'm talking about drinking at work. You have my permission!
Rockman 1 [blip]
Thanks to VeryLiberating, who doesn't wear pants at work.
Nov 7 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Super Obama World
Super Obama World is an online game you can play and a take off on -- you'd never guess in a million years -- Super Contra. I jest, it's soon to be 44th U.S. president Barack Obama in Super Mario World. Except it's not actually Super Mario World, it just looks similar. You run around in Alaska stomping pigs and collecting American flags. It wasn't the worst game I've ever played, but that's only because I've had games played with my heart. True story -- the red team pulled it out Temple of Doom style and started kicking it around like a soccer ball.
Thanks to Caroline and Romeo, both of whom claim there's a warp whistle to the White House hidden somewhere in the third level.
Nov 7 2008 IGN Names Wal-Mart #1 Video Game Retailer
According to a recent IGN poll of 2,000 gamers (that's not enough), Wal-Mart is the go to for buying video games. I find it hard to believe, but I find a lot of things hard to believe. Moon landing my ass -- I'm gonna be first!
Wal-Mart, the world's largest retailer, is also king when it comes to videogame sales.
To prove it, they've linked to a chart showing that 62% of respondents bought games at Wal-Mart, compared to 54% who bought games at Best Buy or Gamestop. Only 17% of the people surveyed bought games from Blockbuster, where they're dirty and used.
Wal-Mart? Really? I don't like it. Nope, the only thing I buy there are late-night shopping cart races. Beat you to the toy department! Also, let's try to return something we bought on eBay.
Wal-Mart declared 'king' of videogame sales [dvice]
Nov 6 2008 Fail: Drunk "Businessmen" Break Horse Statue
Police in Saratoga Springs, NY are looking for the asshats in this video for breaking that poor fiberglass horse after repeatedly trying to mount it in their drunken stupor. There were three people involved, two males and a female (obviously a lady of the night).
Catone said police officials are tracking down the hosts of two functions held Saturday night at the Saratoga Springs City Center. The three people in the video are "very well dressed, and look like they just came from a party," Catone said.The vandals, two men and a woman in their late 20s to early 30s, are seen walking south on Broadway in front of the real estate office when the two men attempt to mount the artwork as the woman snaps pictures.
Wow. If I could count the number of times I've done stupid shit like this, well, I wouldn't be such a drunk.
Spa police searching for horse vandals [timesunion]
Longer, uncut video here and here.
Thanks to Julian, who once tried to escape a crowd of pursuing women on one of those coin-operated horse rides. He didn't make it far.
Nov 6 2008 I Dare Say Old Bean, Beautiful Keyboard
Well, it's been a little while since we've kicked it oldschool style here on Geekologie, so let's take it back to '79 -- 1879 -- with this steampunkified ergonomic keyboard.
This keyboard was commissioned by a female client and has some elegant, feminine design features such as violet LEDs, an acanthus-leaf pattern etched into the brass, and a soft burgundy wrist pad that is removable for cleaning. It also has a built-in "buttonless" touchpad mouse in the center (tap anywhere to left-click and drag, tap in the top-right corner to right-click). This keyboard is interesting because the typing plane is actually tipped forward rather than back. It looks odd at first, but actually makes for a very comfortable typing position.
Sweet, but where do you put the coal? Plus -- wait a minute -- chicks are into this whole steampunk thing? *donning tophat and monocle* Laaaaadies? No, I'm not Mr. Peanut!
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures, including what the original keyboard looked like.
Continue Reading " I Dare Say Old Bean, Beautiful Keyboard "
Nov 6 2008 Scientists Still Hope To Clone Extinct Species
Scientists, spurred on by the passing of Michael Crichton, have kicked their efforts of cloning extinct species into high gear. And I think I speak for all of us here when I say, sex with dinosaurs: it's about freaking time.
Japanese scientists have produced clones of mice that have been dead and frozen for 16 years -- a feat that could lead researchers to one day resurrect long-extinct species, such as the mammoth.Researchers had thought that frozen cells were unusable because ice crystals would have damaged the DNA. That belief would rule out the possibility of resurrecting extinct animals from their frozen remains. But the latest research -- published in the journal, Proceedings for the National Academy of Sciences -- shows that scientists may have overcome the obstacle.
Yes please! Now tell me somebody's got some frozen dinosaur remains around here somewhere. If not, we're going to need to go back in time and get some. Damn, sometimes my profound logic amazes even me.
Scientists hope to clone extinct species [cnn]
Thanks to Jonathan, who fears for a dinosaur apocalypse. Which, incidentally, is my dreamworld.
Nov 6 2008 20 Years Of Research For This?: Scientists Develop Way To Grow Blue Roses, People With Incurable Diseases Do Not Rejoice
After much trial and tribulation, scientists have finally developed a safe way to grow blue roses. What was wrong with just putting white roses in a vase of water dyed blue with food coloring? Pfft, that's some unscientific bullshit, that's what.
The blooms are genetically modified and have been implanted with a gene that simulates the synthesis of blue pigment in pansies. "They are attracting lots of attention here because they are so unusual."The creation of blue roses - long thought to be impossible - was masterminded by an Australian-based subsidiary of Suntory, a Japanese company.
A blue rose has long been synonymous with the unattainable, from signifying unrequited love in Chinese folklore to its Victorian era connotations of symbolizing a quest for the impossible.
Well thank Jesus. Finally I'll be able to sleep at night knowing scientists may not have cured cancer, but, screw it, roses now come in blue. Your rose color lesson for the day:
Red: Love. Alternatively: I cheated on you.
Pink: Gratitude. Alternatively: I cheated on you with the secretary. Twice.
Orange: Desire. Alternatively: I want somebody else but they're not having it, so l'd like to continue doing you in the interim.
Yellow: Friendship. Alternatively: you have a butter face.
White: Purity. Alternatively: I know you're a filthy whore, but let's pretend anyways.
Lavander: Enchantment. Alternatively: you should be burned at the stake!
Blue: Mystery. Alternatively: f*** you.
World's first blue roses after 20 years of research [telegraph]
Thanks to Momboelitist, who only sends black roses. And then stabs you.
Nov 6 2008 The Future Is Now!: A Home Theater Watch
The Home Theater Watch costs $120 and brings all (2GB worth) of your favorite shows and movies to you in incredible unstunning quality. Truthfully, I'd rather watch hair grow out the mole on my arm. Or, alternatively, duct tape an iPod to my glasses.
You will have as home theater experience available everywhere you go. You can even use it to show people your favorite television shows or prime time specials. Simply convert your video from any of the digital formats listed above (ASF, AVI, MPEG, WMV, DAT/VCD, and ASX), and you will have your favorite television episodes whenever and wherever you want. Imagine watching your favorite sitcom while stuck on the train commute to work in the morning or while sitting in a traffic jam.
Oh yeah, watching tv on your wrist while driving, brilliant. I mean, the drivers around here are almost too good. And on a side note, a home theater watch -- what is this 2025? The future is now folks -- hoverboards, hoverboards!
Product Site
Thanks to Woo Doop "It's about a Watch with a TV and shit on it", for giving it to me straight.
Nov 5 2008 Hummer Tank, Because, Yeah, Just Because
There are many things in this world that simply remain unexplainable. Like why all banana-flavored candy tastes like ass. And also, why the hell anybody would put treads on a Hummer H2T. Hell, or even buy one for that matter. My own poverty aside, what could possibly be cooler than a Hummer with treads? Ha, you're right -- a Hummer with treads on fire.
Hit it for a bunch more of the ridiculousness.
Continue Reading " Hummer Tank, Because, Yeah, Just Because "
Nov 5 2008 An A Capella Tribute To John Williams
This is Youtube user ApprenticeA's a capella tribute to composer John Williams (who scored such perennial favorites as E.T., Jaws, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, and pretty much every other movie in the past 50 years that's had good music). At first I had trouble figuring out what I was watching, but after about a minute, I realized I had absolutely no freaking clue.
Youtube
Thanks to Jeff, who can hum better than anyone I know.
Nov 5 2008 R.I.P.: Michael Crichton Passed Away
It is with a heavy heart that I write Michael Crichton, 66, author of such genius as Jurassic Park, The Andromeda Strain, Congo, Disclosure, and Timeline, passed away unexpectedly yesterday. He was battling cancer.
While the world knew him as a great storyteller that challenged our preconceived notions about the world around us -- and entertained us all while doing so -- his wife Sherri, daughter Taylor, family and friends knew Michael Crichton as a devoted husband, loving father and generous friend who inspired each of us to strive to see the wonders of our world through new eyes," his family tells ET. "He did this with a wry sense of humor that those who were privileged to know him personally will never forget.
We're gonna miss you Michael, save a spot for me in that great dinosaur park in the sky.
Jurassic Park Author Dies Unexpectedly [usmagazine]
Thanks to The Superficial Writer for sadly bringing this to my attention.
Nov 5 2008 The Scorpion: A 40-MPG, 450-Horsepower Hydrogen-Powered Arachnid -- That Stings
Okay it doesn't really sting, it's just a freaking car. Oh wait, maybe it does.
The Scorpion gets its sting from a hydrogen delivery system the company calls H2GO. While cars like the Honda FCX Clarity and Chevrolet Equinox use hydrogen fuel cells to drive electric motors, the Scorpion uses electrolysis to convert water into gaseous hydrogen. The hydrogen is mixed with 91-octane gasoline to improve the fuel economy and reduce the emissions of the car's 3.5-liter internal combustion engine.
Ronn Motors is confident that the sexy Scorpion will top 200 mph. The chrome-moly chassis and carbon-fiber body surrounds a twin-turbo 3.5-liter V6 in a car that weighs just 2,200 pounds. The engine was sourced from Acura -- it's the same mill found in the TL Type S, albeit turbocharged -- and mated to a six-speed gearbox. The car will set you back $150,000, and if 450 ponies isn't enough, another $100 grand will get you a tweaked version with another 150 horsepower.
Oh man. I want one. Badly. Really badly. Just imagine: you're cruising along in your Scorpion, when you decide to swing by the BK drive-thru for a #4 with a Coke. ZOMG I'm making myself moister than a towelette. Just kidding, I don't even know what that means. Or do I?
Hit the jump for a couple more worthwhile pictures.
Continue Reading " The Scorpion: A 40-MPG, 450-Horsepower Hydrogen-Powered Arachnid -- That Stings "
Nov 5 2008 Why Obama Won: A Geekologie Perspective
Because he clenched the robot vote. This $250 ObamaBot cast 30 ballots and swayed human voters with the threat of annihilation, and also, a set of pretty sweet set of retreads. Yay democracy!
Even robots love Obama [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, my campaign manager, for siphoning off all campaign contributions to line his own pockets. With ones. To the strip club!
Nov 5 2008 Mice Killing Has Never Been Easier, More Disturbing, Electrocution-y, Efficient
Have a mouse problem? Stop leaving cheese out yo. But if you want to get rid of them and feel like a sadistic bastard in one fell swoop, look into the Victor Multi-Kill Electronic Mouse Trap. Basically a mouse walks in, up some stairs, gets his electrocution on in the Shock N' Drop chamber, smells like burnt fur, and then falls into a box (which can hold up to ten!). My parents just got one, but mostly because it's safe for kids and pets. Speaking of which -- mom, have you seen Hammy?
NEW! Multi-Kill Electronic Mouse Trap from Victor, The Power Tool of Rodent Control [prweb]
Thanks to Richthegringo and Mike, who kill rats the old fashioned way, with cement shoes. Now they sleep with the fishes.
Nov 4 2008 Sign Fail: Double Check Your Translation
Sign failure, always good for a laugh. At least a chortle. This one comes to us from the distant land of Wales, which may or may not be real and ruled by a powerful sorcerer. According to his black magical highness, all road signs must be bilingual, with both English and Welsh.
When officials asked for the Welsh translation of a road sign, they thought the reply was what they needed.Unfortunately, the e-mail response to Swansea council said in Welsh: "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated".
You've reached The Geekologie Writer. I'm currently unavailable, probably locked in the office supply closet again after The Superficial and Iwatchstuff writers lured me in with the promise of a floozy/pizza party. Help. HELP! Oooh, free pens.
E-mail error ends up on road sign [bbcnews]
Thanks to Tom, whose name actually means Lord Asskicker in Elvish. And Jonathan, whose name means God's Gracious Gift to Women.
Nov 4 2008 Space: Screw It, It's Just A Vacuum-y Landfill
Space: Our vacuum-y landfill to the north, south, east, and, uh, left.
A 1,400-pound (635-kilogram) ammonia tank burned up over the Pacific Ocean late Sunday, more than a year after an astronaut chucked it from the International Space Station because it had become obsolete, NASA said yesterday.
Astronauts routinely trash equipment in space. Most of it - including a 212-pound (96-kilogram) video camera stand Anderson got rid of during the same spacewalk - burns up before making impact on Earth.
What the -- we're already trashing space? I swear, if I see a single freaking McDonald's cup on the way to Moonbase Brothel, it's somebody's ass. And hopefully an alien stripper's -- in my lap.
Trash crash: Space litter makes landing [sciam]
Thanks to loyal Geekologist Hunter, who, even on his birthday, takes the time to send tips. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY!
Nov 4 2008 Tired Yet?: Another Literal Music Video
YouTube user DustoMcNeato (the man behind the Take on Me and Head Over Heels literal videos is at it again, this time with Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Banana Peppers. It's okay. Mostly it reminded me how hot I thought Anthony Kiedis was when that video came out. And I'm not even gay anymore. I was "cured" by religion! Just kidding, still totally gay.
Thanks to Zaquisha and Gord, who both cry along with their respective cities.
Nov 4 2008 Go Vote (And Recieve A Free Sex Toy)!
If you haven't voted yet, go do it. Like right now. I'll still be here when you get back, no worries. And, if you live in New York or Seattle, go collect your free sex toy afterwards. Ah, democracy.
To encourage your involvement in the democratic process, Babeland is offering a Get Out the Vote Special Giveaway!!
Stop by any brick and mortar store (New York or Seattle) between November 4th and 11th and bring your voter registration card, voting stub or word of honor. If you voted, we'll give you a Silver Bullet or a Maverick Sleeve (get it?) for free! Yes, free. It's because we value voting that much. Sex toys for voting, only the satisfaction of having helped ensure your country's future can be better than that.
I have no idea what a Maverick Sleeve or Silver Bullet is, but they sound, well, awesome. And they're free! Then, when you candidate loses, you can [insert joke about getting f***ed in more ways than one for the next four years].
GO VOTE!
Get Out the Vote with Babeland [babeland]
Thanks to Jennie, who's upset she doesn't live in Seattle or New York.
Nov 4 2008 Own Your Own Apollo Spacesuit (Replica)
You remember when you were a kid and wanted to be an astronaut? Well I still do. And I'm building my own rocketship (screw you NASA -- rules and regulate this!). Originally I was gonna blast the eff off in a pair of gym shorts and novelty t-shirt, but now I'm thinking I might need something a little more....official looking. Enter the replica Apollo 11 spacesuit. Made based on a real Apollo A7L suit, it looks and feels like the real deal -- and all for only $9,500! Which, incidentally, is more than my entire rocketship cost to build. Speaking of which, I'm now accepting applications for one lucky lady (or dude that's really convincing) to join me on my groundbreaking journey to blowing up on the launch pad and dying. Pre-liftoff lunch will be included, no purchase necessary, just send a picture and five bucks to help cover the cold-cuts.
Buy a real Apollo spacesuit and finally live out those childhood dreams [dvice]
e. -- I'll blast off with you any day. And, God willing, we won't explode.
Nov 4 2008 Move Over Hot Or Not: A Digital Face Analyzer
BAPA (Balanced Angular and Proportional Analysis) Web is a web-based facial analyzer that apparently determines if a person is attractive or not (for a fee). You know, based on balanced angular and proportional analysis. So if you have big lips and tiny eyes, you're screwed. If you have chiseled features and a wicked scar from a bar fight like I do, you're in. As long as the programmers were smart enough to take badass scars into consideration. Oh shit, and eyepatches. Also, I burnt my good eyebrow off cooking ramen the other night. I'm gonna go ahead and use a picture from a few years back.
UPDATE: The computer's smoking -- it's a sign!
UPDATE: The computer caught fire -- things are looking good!
UDPATE: The computer exploded -- I'm ugly :(
Product Page
Thanks to Antonia, who doesn't need a program to tell her she's smoking hot.
Nov 4 2008
Coming Soon: The Air Car Pod
Zero Pollution Motors plans to drop the AirPod like it's hot. And soon (~2011). The compressed-air powered vehicle will cost about $20,000 (!) and run on little more than, well, air. Oh, and, alternatively, a little oil, alcohol, or gas.
The air car can tool along at a top speed of 35 mph for some 60 miles or so on a tank of compressed air, a sufficient distance for 80% of consumers to commute to work and back and complete daily chores.
On highways, the CAV can cruise at interstate speeds for nearly 800 miles with a small motor that compresses outside air to keep the tank filled. The motor isn't finicky about fuel. It will burn gasoline or diesel as well as biodiesel, ethanol or vegetable oil.
Even if running on gas, the death trap averages over 100 mpg. Which, while impressive, is nowhere near as good as a pirate ship.
One more picture of the shoebox on wheels after the jump.
Nov 4 2008 Get Out And Vote (For Lando Calrissian)!
Well folks, today's election day. And, if you haven't already, you need to go vote. Now get out there and rock out with your democracy loving penis out. Just kidding, totally wait till you're in the booth. This is a series of political ads run by Sentator Palpatine and Lando Calrissian during this year's election. They feature the real Lando (Billy Dee Williams) and bear a striking similarity to our current election. Who will win? Will I have to leave the country? Will I go somewhere tropical? Somewhere with good health care? Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself -- GO VOTE. Unless you're Canadian, in which case, vote twice.
Vote for Lando Calrissian! w/ BILLY DEE WILLIAMS [funnyordie]
Thanks to The Superficial Writer, who keeps this democracy running strong the only way he knows how: with boobs.
Nov 3 2008 British Boy Legally Changes Name To 'Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined'
A 19-year old British kid legally changed his name from George Garratt to Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined. Because, WTF, you only live once, right? Just kidding, this is my second go around.
"I decided on a superheroes theme and whenever my friends offered up suggestions to me, I added them."
He added: "My family have begun to expect these sorts of things from me, and although my friends thought it was ridiculous most people do call me Captain and it's been a great conversation starter."A spokesman from The Legal Deed Poll Service, said: "We get so many outrageous name changes that these days it barely fazes us, but when this one was brought to my attention I knew there was something special about it."
Oh there's something special about it all right. Listen, Superman and The Flash are the only fast ones out of the bunch, so tacking on all those others is only increasing overall speed incrementally, but the time it takes to write your name exponentially. So, yeah, you're gonna be pretty slow filling out forms at the bank. CONSIDER YOURSELF LEARNED!
Teenager's new name is fantastic [bbcnews]
Thanks to Chris, who wants to change his name to Captain Kickass Planet, and totally should.
Nov 3 2008 Now You're Talking!: A Wicked Mech Costume
As the saying goes, you can take the boy out of Halloween, but you can't take the Halloween candy out of the boy. Without surgery. And you'd still probably miss a jawbreaker. So it may be 362 days till next Halloween, but I figure I'd put up one last tribute to the night I saw Optimus Prime make out with a ninja turtle. This is a kid dressed up in a homemade chicken walker mech costume. It's very well made. Now somebody hit the kid up with some candy for his effort. Seriously, just wing it at him, he's a freaking tank.
Hit the jump for a video of the mech build, a similar AT-AT, and the cutest damn mini Mega Man you've ever seen.
Continue Reading " Now You're Talking!: A Wicked Mech Costume "
Nov 3 2008 $110,000 Solid Aluminum Speakers
Got $110,000 burning a hole in your golden pants pocket? How about sharing the wealth with your favorite blogger? Damnit, no, not The Superficial Writer. That guy's a dick. No, not Iwatchstuff either. I was talking about yours truly, folks. Way to kick a guy in the freaking head while he's bent over to tie his shoe. Now I don't even want your money. Just kidding, I totally do. All of it. Stick 'em up! Jewelry too. Anyway the KEF Muon speakers are each milled from a solid piece of aluminum and take a week to make. And allegedly they sell for $110,000. Which is $1,000 times ninety-something. For speakers. But if you're seriously interested, call me, I'm an authorized dealer -- of kicking your rich ass!
Product Page
Thanks to Momboelitist, who wouldn't pay a dime over $69,950 for those mothers.
Nov 3 2008 Who Am I And Where The Hell Are My Pants?: Scientists Study Possibility Of 'Amnesia Beam'
Being able to selectively delete memories, this sounds promising.
A team of scientists from the United States and China announced last week that, for the first time, they had found a means of selectively and safely erasing memories in mice, using the signaling molecule αCaMKII. It's a big step forward, and one that will be of considerable interest to the military, which has devoted efforts to memory manipulation as a means of treating post-traumatic stress disorder. But some military research has moved in another direction entirely.
Wow, really? Who would have thought -- another direction entirely. Brainwashing anybody? I didn't really bother reading the rest of the article because I've been picking through my Halloween candy, but it said something about flashing lights and microwave exposure to the brain. Which can only mean one thing: how can I get the microwave to run with the door still open?
Military Investigates Amnesia Beams [wired]
Thanks to....uh, damnit, it was just on the tip of my tongue. Thanks to....shit, hold on. Thanks to Allegro, who could out-memory two elephants easily.
Nov 3 2008 World's Largest Cruise Ship Being Built
Royal Carribbean is having the world's largest cruise ship built for them, and it's gonna be ready to set sail next November. The Oasis of the Seas is being billed as a traveling city, and will include not one but TWO 24-hour buffets.
The liner will span 16 decks, encompass 220,000 gross registered tons (GRT), carry 5,400 guests and feature 2,700 staterooms.
Almost 1200 feet long, 154 foot wide and rising 213 feet above the water line, the Oasis of the Seas will be able to host 3,000 crew to service every passenger's need.Oasis of the Seas will be the first ship to tout the cruise line's new neighborhood concept of seven distinct themed areas, which include Central Park, Boardwalk, the Royal Promenade, the Pool and Sports Zone, Vitality at Sea Spa and Fitness Center, Entertainment Place and Youth Zone.
Remind you of anything? No? I'm talking about the Titanic. Remember that one? It too was touted as the latest and greatest in shipage, and we all know what happened to it. Yep, I think there's a definite lesson to be learned here. "Jack, I'm flying!"
Hit the jump for a bunch more pics, many in stunning rendered detail.
Continue Reading " World's Largest Cruise Ship Being Built "
Nov 3 2008 How To Get Hit By A Bus: The Immersion Scarf
Ooooh, I like that tie. The Immersion Scarf is basically a smaller version of a whatever the hell you'd call this thing. But, instead of being used in conjunction with a computer, it was designed for use with cell phones and portable gaming systems. And no so much for warmth and privacy as much as anti-glare and privacy. So yeah, totally different. Nope, no idea theft going on here at all. And also, no plagiarism. Just kidding, I copy/pasted this shit from your mom's blog. Funny lady!
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Continue Reading " How To Get Hit By A Bus: The Immersion Scarf "
Nov 3 2008 Damn Son, You Just Got Literally Rick Rolled
Okay, so the wave of literal translations of music videos continues. This time it's Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up, aka the Rick Roll song in case you've been a vegetable for the past year and just came to. And, if that is the case, it's good to have you back. But tell me -- was there a tunnel? Was a bearded man beckoning you towards the light? Did he creep you out at all? One time The Superficial Writer passed out humping the water cooler and said all angels have perfect tits. Is it true? Can you touch them or does your hand just pass through like that time I copped a feel on Casper's mom?
Youtube
Thanks to Lamezoid, who once Rick Rolled Rick Astley and then punched him in the face. Also, to AJ, "if you are going to thank me for the tip, write 'AJ says LSDiesel and Sharpie suck balls'"
Nov 3 2008 Samus Cake Is Mmmm, Nom Nom Nom
If there's two things I love in life it's Zelda and cake. And women. And long walks on the beach and off short piers. Did I mention beer? It's in the top two. Along with my dog and stimulating conversations. Oh snap, and road trips. Anyway, this is a Super Metroid cake made to look like the lovely Samus Aran's head. Or helmet rather. Allegedly it's a wedding cake, but I find it a little hard to believe there's a woman out there cool enough to let this fly on her special day. Which can only mean one thing: gay marriage. Congrats guys!
Super metroid Samus helmet cake [flickr]
Thanks to Jenny, The Bloggess, for kicking ass and taking cakes.