Sep 30 2008Dorky Self Defense

This is an instructional video about how to defend yourself in the likely event that someone is attacking you because you looked at them funny. I tried a couple of the moves out on a coworker, and I must admit: there was some definite arousal.


Thanks to P05TMAN, who'll get your shit delivered even after the Large Hadron Collider destroys the planet.

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Reader Comments


That's kind of funny.

That moustache is amazing.

I cant watch this cuz im in typing class (IRONY my typing online sucks cuz im lazy...but am really fast...) so i cant see the video but im just gunna guess it's stupid and watch it when i get home. From the description, it sounds stupid.

Do "FIRST" people actually sit at there desks with this website constantly pressing ctrl+r or pressing refresh and once something new pops up they quickly click it and type in as fast as they can, 'FIRST!!' just so they can win because they cant win anything else in life?

yes jesus
they do

I wish the old gw was here. hed beat this punk in the face. he's posted nothing good and his writing is never funny. ive spilled milk while reading the old gw's writing. this guy sucks. WISH YOU BEST OF LUCK AND HOPE YOU COME BACK SOON.

Wow ... why don't they teach some takedowns that involve his moustache? Dude looks like Ben Stiller in Happy Gilmour

I just watched this video and to test their teachings I went outside and beat the shit out of everyone who had a big hairy moustache. I kicked a few chix asses too just to be sure it works on people without moustaches.

While yes some of the moves look stupid as shit (Ball flurries, the spit take, kicking like a little girl on the ground, and the glasses attack) most of them would work quite well.

I agree with Jesus. COME BACK :(

Just goes to show that nerds... Never Back Down...


Jesus - you remind me of Warren from Empire Records. :)

I do agree, however. It makes you realize how much everything relies on the writing to actually be funny. I bet some of these postings would have seemed a lot funnier with better commentary.

I love how the guy fails to mention that any one of these moves would most likely be followed up by running like hell and screaming like a little girl.

These remind me of the same people from the "Jesus is my friend" video.

These also seem very ineffective

All of these techniques are effective and standard martial arts. The finger in the throat (as amusing as the editor found it) is known as the "electric touch" in kung fu. You're reaching down for a nerve right behind the sternum that starts the gag reflex. Done hard enough, they'll puke and feel like electric shocks are flickering up the sides of their face. The joint locks are pretty standard jujitsu and chin-na. As for things like the spit take and the glasses - what did you think ninjitsu actually looked like? Distract the eyes long enough to strike.

As for "running away and screaming like a little girl"... All self-defense classes teach that, for safety and legal issues. The point with self-defense is to get out of harms way, not combat evil. Contrary to popular belief, you can't beat the s**t out of an attacker. If you use excessive force, you can be liable for damages.

Just cause the dude's got a wicked pornstache doesn't mean he doesn't know what he's talking about!

apparently the closer you come to being a fully functioning lethal weapon, the further you get from being fashionable. I'd like to see the real world example of someone using that low leg ankle flick on someone and then them getting punched squarely in the face while they are still trying to ankle flick the other guy in the shin.


Indeed, it is because he has a wicked pornstache that I know he knows exactly what he is talking about. You couldn't look like that and not know how to fight.

Most of these moves do work and come from authentic sources. They're a bit watered down in aspects but, they still work and get the point across for self defense purposes.

You can find most of that stuff going on in most martial arts, especially the more practical styles like Filipino Kali or Krav Maga which train you to use every advantage you can get in any confrontation rather then whatever the art gives you to use for the confrontation.

The moves work, but that doesn't stop them being funny!

19: LMAO!

Nice early Manson footage you go there

I'd rather look cool and die LOL

LOL at 0:16

Does no-one find it funny that he keeps on about how he 'lets-off'?
That's just shells that are half cocked in a pump action.

Come onnnn.

I want that moustache injected in me.

Had the sound turned down but I kept imagining the dude with the moustache saying, "Ya cotton tailed varmint, that steams me up!"

Liked that move when he was down on the ground doing that leg flailing - those were Monkey Mad break dancing skillz!

What was he looking at about 4:00 - looked like he was crotch distracted? Even did a hair sweep - that's a martial art I once saw in a bar in San Fran!

What a bunch of nerds. The ones that say the moves are good just try that in a real fight and you will see how fast you will be knocked the f*** out cold. For example who the f*** puts his hands around your neck to choke you in a fight so the ones with chocking in it are useles advices cauze by the time u reach my neck with that finger i'm pretty sure that i've already punched you like 2-3 time right in the nose and face and you will be down. Another gay-ish advice would be that one with take gay mustache fighter is one the ground and throws those little gay kick to the other guy legs the solution is simple: i'm sure that if i jump with my both legs or knees on your face or your torso you'll be pretty f***ed up. So the ones believing in this gay ass grabing movie it's pretty obvious that you are a huge nerd who never had a fight in his life so go f*** yourself and prepare to run like a little bitch.

Those saying "These techniques are real and work" are clueless. These guys are so deluded that they have no idea what a real fight looks like.

The CONCEPTS of what they're teaching are sound... but the technique and execution of what they're teaching tells me that they've never, EVER used these in a real situation.

its funny as hell at 5:00

@28 and "i'm sure that if i jump with my both legs or knees on your face or your torso"
Did you learn how to fight from watching Street-Fighter? I'm pretty sure that by the time you've used your Yoga Noogie on me that I've put by Double Dragon Knee in your face 2 or 3 times.

@gerore go f*** yourself nerdy or better go masturbate on some street fighter comics cauze u're dumb as shit and u don't have any ideea of what u are talking about f***face.

Oh, how I <3 Ball Flurries

#28 - taking things a little personal aren't you? Maybe you just need to accept that you are gay, and you'd be a lot less angry all the time.

"you think somebody wants a roundhouse kick to the face in this bad boys? Forgeddabout it!"

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