Jul 30 2008 Cheeto Jesus, Dubbed "Cheesus", Found In 99¢ Snack Bag, Contains No Trans-Fat

Not to be outdone by last week's Allah meat gristle, Jesus decided to show himself to a Montana woman in a 99¢ bag of Cheetos.

Most of her family and friends believe it looks like a mini orange sculpture of Jesus on the cross. Ramey and her husband call it "Cheesus." Ramey doesn't plan to sell the Cheeto because it's bringing a lot of joy into her home. She will keep it in a safe deposit box or put it on display so more people can enjoy it.

This is clearly a sign. A sign that, if I'm reading it correctly, indicates Cheetos are, as I've long suspected, The Chosen Snack. Every orange crumb in your keyboard is sacred, and also, delicious. One more sign like this and I'm seriously converting.

UPDATE: I found a Virgin Mary ice cube in a frozen Mountain Dew. It's been fun folks, but I'm going to priest school.

Hit the jump for a video of the holy snack.

Continue Reading " Cheeto Jesus, Dubbed "Cheesus", Found In 99¢ Snack Bag, Contains No Trans-Fat "

Jul 30 2008 Monster Washes Ashore In Montauk

Allegedly this is a picture of some unknown monster that washed ashore in Montauk, on the eastern tip of Long Island. Obviously it's fake, because 1. like a girlfriend that doesn't make me want to blow my eardrums out, monsters don't exist, and 2. whoever made it modeled the damn thing after Tokka from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 (minus the shell). Anybody know what movie this is a viral for? After a little interweb spelunking my guess is a film adaptation of The Montauk Project. Apparently it centers around governmental time-travel experiments, but does feature some sort of alien monster coming to Earth. So, yeah, that's my guess -- which, I might add, is 120% correct. Because if it's not, I'll just edit the post and change it to be right. In case you haven't noticed folks, all your interweb are belong to me.

I'll update the story and let you know what's up when the truth is discovered.

Click through to see the uncensored version. Warning: It's fugly.

Continue Reading " Monster Washes Ashore In Montauk "

Jul 30 2008 Sure, Why Not: Trees As Artists

British artist Tim Knowles ties markers and brushes to tree limbs and makes the helpless botanical bastards create art.

In collaboration with the wind and local weather conditions, calligraphic gestures and automatic drawing readings are recorded on paper. The amazing thing about Knowles' Tree Drawings is the unmistakable signatures that each drawing reveals as an indication of the unique characteristics and even genus/species of a specific tree.

Interesting. Ooooh, nice work Mr. Pine, another, um, turd. While I find the actual art of questionable merit (my maple could do so much better), I do love the photos of the trees painting. Regardless of my personal feelings, I do hope this style of art sells. Tell me I didn't just staple a Sharpie to my penis for nothing.

Hit the jump for several more pictures.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not: Trees As Artists "

Jul 30 2008 Heart Robot Has 'Feelings', Actually Heartless

The Childlike Heart Robot resembles something from a nightmare more than a child and is allegedly capable of displaying emotions. Its heart beats and can respond to movement, noise, and touch. Unfortunately, I can't even stand looking at the little herald of the robot apocalyptic. Why the hell did they make him so freaking scary? The chick though, she's alright. Reminds me of Jenny McCarthy before she shit her pants and totally disgusted me.

If he is cuddled his limbs become limp and he "relaxes". But if he is yelled at, he gets upset. He flinches, his hands clench and his breathing and heart rate speed up.

But if he's pulled limb from limb and his appendages are scattered in several different dumpsters around town, then he dies and The Geekologie Writer won't have to sleep with the lights on tonight. In mommy and daddy's bed.

UPDATE: Frightening video of the little goober of doom added after the jump.

Continue Reading " Heart Robot Has 'Feelings', Actually Heartless "

Jul 30 2008 Drinking Buddy: Malaysian Pen-Tailed Shrew

Well folks, I've found myself a new drinking buddy. The Malaysian pen-tailed shrew subsists entirely on fermented nectar from the pertam palm plant, which can be as high as 3.8 percent alcohol.

A new study found that the tiny animal subsists on a diet roughly equivalent to 100 percent beer... Amazingly, though the tree shrews drink like fish, they don't seem to get drunk. The researchers, led by Frank Wiens of Germany's University of Bayreuth, videotaped regular nocturnal feeding sessions and followed the movements of radio-tagged tree shrews. Though they measured blood-alcohol concentrations in the animals higher than those in humans with similarly high alcohol intake, the tree shrews showed no signs of intoxication.

Well folks, no sense hiding it now -- I had sex with a shrew. The pen-tailed variety, dear reader, is my progeny.

Tiny tree shrew can drink you under the table [msnbc]

Thanks to Chad, the only man who's ever come close to beating my pen-tailed progeny in a drinking contest.

Jul 30 2008 The Vortex: Not Your Grandmother's Fountain

The Votex Fountain doesn't shoot water out of a lion's mouth or pour from a bare-breasted woman's water jug, but it is expensive and comes with a lifetime tackiness guarantee. Basically, it's a giant acrylic cylinder with a pump that created a vortex in the center. Because I'm made of money, I bought one and had it installed in the front yard so all the neighbors will know who rules this street. Yep, I'm officially the richest person in the neighborhood and the only one with a....*gazes through window at fountain*....neighbor's brat shitting in their Vortex. That's it, the little bastard's going in.

Video added after the jump, thanks Icon.

Continue Reading " The Vortex: Not Your Grandmother's Fountain "

Jul 30 2008 Officer Brutally Rams Cycler From Bike

Remember Officer Rivieri? Good. Well, during the New York Critical Mass bike ride (a monthly protest against motor vehicle reliance) some other officer of the law decided to show the crowd how he feels about our reliance on motor vehicles. Apparently he freaking loves it, at least enough to running body slam some guy off his bicycle (VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP!). The cop has since had his badge and gun yanked while the incident is being investigated.

The video, posted anonymously, shows the officer standing in the street as bikes whiz past. He moves toward a cyclist and violently knocks him to the ground in front of crowds of people. The biker, Christopher Long, of Hoboken, N.J., was arrested because he was obstructing traffic in the heart of Times Square, a criminal complaint said. He was charged with attempted assault, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.

The complaint said Long, 29, deliberately steered his bicycle into the officer, causing both of them to fall to the ground.

During his arrest, Long squirmed and kicked, saying to the officers, "You are pawns in the game. I'm gonna have your job," the complaint said.

Okay, it definitely didn't look deliberate on the part of the biker. That cop wanted to see dude's head splatter. And why on earth Long would tell the cops they're "pawns in the game" during his arrest, well, that's just not smart. They're at least the little castles.

Hit the jump for the video. It's worth a look.

Continue Reading " Officer Brutally Rams Cycler From Bike "

Jul 29 2008 Windows Mojave: Vista In Disguise

This is a hidden-camera video released by Microsoft in which they had Vista naysayers that had no previous hands-on experience with the operating system take their latest OS, Windows Mojave, for a test drive. But it was really Vista in disguise! HIYO, that's an M. Night Shyamalanian twist right there! I'm not saying the people ended up looking like idiots in the end, but, well, they did. Okay, now I know what you're thinking, "That infernal Geekologie Writer is promoting Windows!", but this is not the case. The Geekologie Writer endorses no product!

UPDATE: Turns out Microsoft is advertising on the site. Which makes sense seeing how they the make the best damn operating systems on the planet! Also, Hondas are safe and reliable, not to mention great looking and fuel efficient (check out their new zero-emmission FCX Clarity). Lastly, Geekologie is typed exclusively on an HP laptop (it really is), and Mountain Dew: Code Red, despite personal, contradictory evidence, doesn't really make your dick shrink.

The Mojave Experiment

Thanks Popadopolis, now lets do something similar with Hardee's Thickburgers!

Jul 29 2008 T.I.E. Fighter Model Used In Star Wars: A New Hope On eBay, More Than You Can Afford

Want the T.I.E. Fighter model that was used in Star Wars: A New Hope? The one that hit Vader's ship? Well now you can, it's on eBay.

903. Original T.I.E. Fighter filming miniature and original camera reports from Star Wars: A New Hope. (TCF, 1977) During the nail-biting assault on the Death Star in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, this is the actual filming miniature of the T.I.E. Fighter that bumps into Darth Vader's fighter knocking him out of the trench, allowing Luke to destroy the Death Star. This historic piece is from the collection of Academy Award-winning Visual Effects wizard, Richard Edlund. The design concepts for the T.I.E. (Twin Ion Engine) Fighters of the Galactic Empire originally came from Colin Cantwell and Ralph McQuarrie. Joe Johnston, who was the visual effects art director and overall storyboard artist for the entire trilogy was very involved in the final finessing of the ships and Death Star designs. Only four T.I.E. Fighters were built for the first Star Wars film. Grant McCune, head of the model shop, used a fairly heavy but stable resin for the body of the ship and other resins for the tinier parts. It has a central hollow aluminum knuckle with six-way threadings for top, bottom, front, back, left and right side mounting options with 11/16 in. hollow threaded rods as wiring conduits which attached to the various self-lit neon blue pylons. The hexagonal wings are created of fine expanded metal sheeting. Much of the intricate design detail was robbed from plastic model kits, then modified and affixed.

Unfortunately, the little thing is only 18" H x 14" W, so there goes using it as a treehouse. So, what can one expect to pay for such a diminutive T.I.E. Fighter? How about $170,000? Yeah. There's never been a better time to kidnap, extort, blackmail, and/or auction your hitman services. I'll start by knocking off The Superficial Writer. Do I hear $10? $5? $1? 2-for-1 Whopper card? Fine cheapskates, but this is your only freebee.

Hit the jump for several more pictures and a link to the auction.

Continue Reading " T.I.E. Fighter Model Used In Star Wars: A New Hope On eBay, More Than You Can Afford "

Jul 29 2008 $100,000 Jetpack Coming Next Year?

48-year old New Zealander, Glenn Martin, has spent over 26 years developing a jetpack, and believes it may be ready for sale next year. The 250 lb (part of it rests on the ground at idle so you don't have to lift the weight), 200hp, twin-rotor (it's not actually a jetpack) beast produces 600 lbs of thrust and can be flown for over 30 minutes on a tank of gas. Is it safe? Who cares, I want to fly. And, maybe afterwards, learn to swim.

"People come up and go, 'Is it safe?' " Mr. Martin said. "Safety is a relative thing. We think we have done a lot to make this by far the safest jetpack ever built." But, he acknowledged, "It's not a high bar."

He added, "I've got to get my head around the fact that at some point, somebody is going to have a very bad experience."

Well, at least he's being realistic. But seriously Glenn, I want to be that somebody.

Hit the link for a video of the thing and a way long article that was really long that I may or may not have read all of.

Continue Reading " $100,000 Jetpack Coming Next Year? "

Jul 29 2008 Guy's Mower Won't Start, He Shoots It

Keith Walendowski is (based on his picture) the last man in the world I'd expect to be a raging alcoholic and own illegal weaponry. But he is, and he does. One day, Keith, who had already eaten his bourbon breakfast, decided to partake in a little Russian-toe-roulette and mow his yard (which, incidentally, is also his mother's -- he still lives at home with her). So what did ol' Keith do when the mower wouldn't start? What any other freaking idiot in his situation would do, blast it with a sawed-off shotgun. Forget checking the gas and oil, when a mower doesn't start all it needs is some holes.

Police officers said Mr Walendowski had told them: "It's my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want." He was charged by police in Milwaukee with disorderly conduct and possession of a sawn-off shotgun. He could face a fine of up to $11,000 and a maximum prison sentence of six-and-a-half years if convicted.

Geez, six-and-a-half years? I assume that's mostly for the shotgun. But, uh, just out of curiosity -- blasting a weed-wacker is totally legit, right?

Hit the jump for an example of what a Mad Max collectible "sword"-off shotgun looks like.

Continue Reading " Guy's Mower Won't Start, He Shoots It "

Jul 29 2008 PWNSOME!: Zelda Ocarinas For Sale

I know Zelda ocarinas have been available for awhile now, because I bought one at a street fair two years ago, but these ones from ThinkGeek actually look sharp and worth the $40.

Product Features

* Real playable Ocarina lets you re-create your favorite Zelda tunes
* Made from glazed earthenware
* 6 Holes, Plays notes from C4-D5
* Includes song book with instructions on playing several Zelda tunes
* Tri-Force Logo adorns the stem
* Made in the USA

I paid $40 for the one I bought and I'm pretty sure it was made out of Sculptey and had the holes punched through it with different sized pens. And it didn't help the dude was selling it right alongside Zelda themed bongs. Despite my better judgment, I also bought a Goron Bomb Bag Bong. *BOOM!* I'm crunk.

Hit the jump for a closeup and a couple videos of people playing the Song of Time (one kid is even dressed like Link) on an ocarina. If you like it just do a search on Youtube, you can pretty much find every Zelda song covered.

Continue Reading " PWNSOME!: Zelda Ocarinas For Sale "

Jul 29 2008 Homemade Transfomer Out Of Cigarette Box

This is a stop-motion video of some cigarette box Transformers. Well, they're not all cigarette boxes. I distinctly recall matchbox and condom box robots as well. The video is pretty well made although I did feel a seizure coming on a couple times. Did I mention this is probably old and you've already seen it before? You probably downloaded it off some Transformer forum in the early 90's when you were using CompuServe dialup at 14.4 kbit/s and pkunzipping nudey pics off the 3½ floppy your friend gave you. Please, tell me the story, I'm here to listen.

Youtube

Thanks to Lee, lord of audio, for the tip

Jul 29 2008 Ask Palpatine Contests: Star Wars Prizes

Askpalpatine, a website that encourages watchers to, well, ask a geriatric Palpatine puppet questions, is now holding a couple contests -- and one gives you the chance to win Star Wars related prizes! The first (no-prize) contest involves renaming Emperor Palpsmear.

The contest is called "What's my name?" People've been asking what Palpatine's real name is, but he's so old, he's forgotten, and he's looking for viewer's help: suggest the best new name for Palpatine, and that will become his name. No prizes, but credit and web-show fame.

That's easy -- Ol' Lightning Hands. Piece of cake. The next contest should prove more difficult though. And it involves prizes.

This one's called the "Design a Better Vader" contest. Basically, Vader's armor is getting a little long in the tooth, and could use some sprucing up. Viewers are being encouraged to submit a new design (sketch, painting, 3D model, whatever) of what a new, more bad-ass Darth Vader ought to look like. The winner gets a secret prize, and the winning design gets made into a puppet which will be featured on the show. We're still working out the specific prizes, but they will be awesome, and they will be Star Wars-related. Keep watching the skies! There will be one grand-prize winner, that's for sure. There will also be a number of runner-ups, too. Probably 3.

Hell yeah, I'm on it!

UPDATE: Finished! My sure to be winning entry is posted after the jump.

Continue Reading " Ask Palpatine Contests: Star Wars Prizes "

Jul 29 2008 Cuil: Google's New Competition?

Well if you haven't heard there's a new search engine that just moved in down the block and it's taunting the most indexed web pages (120 billion, 3x more than others) and a new way to display search results. From the company:

Cuil (pronounced COOL) provides organized and relevant results based on Web page content analysis. The search engine goes beyond today's search techniques of link analysis and traffic ranking to analyze the context of each page and the concepts behind each query. It then organizes similar search results into groups and sorts them by category.

And, according to the Huffington Post, people have been checking it out.

This morning the Google competitor started by former Google employees topped Google Trends. This means that people were using Google to find it's spunky new competitor. Misspellings of Cuil and Cuil's founder, Anna Paterson, were also top searches. Google may have been discouraged by this until they see 'Hot Trend' number 35, 'cuil sucks.'

Personally, I don't know if Cuil sucks or not because I've always been an Askjeeves kind of guy. Ha, did I just say that out loud? What I meant to say was The Geekologie Writer doesn't use search engines, the information comes to him. I just concentrate real hard on what I need aaaaaaand....CH34P [email protected]@. Shit, ladies I swear...

Cuil Website
and
Ouch- Cuil Dominates Google Trends [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to Matthew and SPM, who search the interwebs the old fashioned way, with bow and arrow.

Jul 28 2008 Holy Smokes: Slow Motion Face Punches

Slow-Motion Punches [collegehumor]

Thanks Lee, now sit still, this won't hurt a bit.

Jul 28 2008 Wait, What?: 25 Gesture Rock-Paper-Scissors

PRS 25 is rock-paper-scissors with 25 different gestures, also known as rock, paper, scissors, gun, dynamite, nuke, devil, laser, alien, moon, snake, sponge, cardboard, spoon, candle, dragon, geekologie writer, bowl, water, magic, dagger, tank, air, something, nachos, leopard, something, etc.. If 25 gestures is too many for you, there is also standard rock-paper-scissors and 5, 7, 9, 11, and 15 gesture varieties (and a mind-boggling 101-gesture version HERE). I like some of the explanations for why one particular sign beats another. Like, "Rock crushes woman", "Monkey flings poop at woman", and "Woman has sex with dragon". Okay, I made that last one up, but I did see it in a movie once. And that movie, my friends, was Harry Potter.

RPS-25 [newgrounds]

Thanks SomeGeek, you beat me again.

Jul 28 2008 RaceChairs: Sports Car Seats For The Cubicle

When I was shopping for just the right ass-receptacle for my cubicle, I considered the ejector seat chair, Hula chair, and tank chair. Unfortunately, I didn't know about these fast little numbers at the time. RaceChairs are actual seats from sports cars that have been converted into office chairs. Based on the picture, they may or may not be manufactured in somebody's guest bedroom. Depending on the model, they vary in price from a paltry $2,000 to over $10,000. Holy crap. That one there is from a Ferrari 360 and costs $3,000, but I just used the company card to get the $11,000 Lamborghini LP640 Murcielago. Yeah baby, the Geekologie Grand Prix is mine this year. I'd have won last year too, but a certain cheating taint threw down an oil slick (water cooler) that sent me careening into the infield (women's restroom), where I saw my life pass before my eyes before being carried off the track by adoring fans (I snuck a peek under a stall door and was escorted out by security).

Hit the jump for a couple more chairs.

Continue Reading " RaceChairs: Sports Car Seats For The Cubicle "

Jul 28 2008 LEGO Mindstorms Set Solves Rubik's Cube

Tilted Twister is a robot built from a Lego Mindstorms NXT set that can solve a Rubik's cube.

Tilted Twister solves Rubik's cube fully automatically. Just place the scrambled cube on Tilted Twister's turntable. An ultrasonic sensor detects its presence and starts to read the colors of the cube faces using a light sensor. The robot turns and tilts the cube in order to read all the faces of the cube. It then calculates a solution and executes the moves by turning, tilting and twisting the cube.

Performance

* Scanning the cube: 1 minute
* Calculating a solution: 20 - 40 seconds
* Executing the moves: 1 - 5 minutes. Average 4.5 minutes (60 faceturns)
* Average total time: 6 minutes

Not bad. Granted it's not as impressive as the time I solved this cube in under an hour using only my red-hot poker, but it's not bad for a LEGO robot. That reminds me, have I ever told you about the Rubik's Cube show I saw in Tijuana? Scarring.

Hit the jump to see a video of the little guy in action.

Continue Reading " LEGO Mindstorms Set Solves Rubik's Cube "

Jul 28 2008 No Thanks: Psycho Inspired Shower Curtain

Personally, I like the classic model we posted a while back. But in somebody's unending quest to eff up a perfectly good original, here comes a new and "improved" version. Not only does this curtain have gratuitous blood splatterings, it makes noise! That's right, the $20 curtain has a motion sensor and when you enter the bathroom you get the REEE REEE REEE and Psycho scream! Shit, that'll never get old. I could listen to it upwards of, I dunno, once.

Bloody Serial Killer Shower Curtain Brings Murderous Fun Into the Bathroom [gizmodo]

Jul 28 2008 Star Wars Edited With Rush Hour Audio

I couldn't tell if you'd like this or not. Sometimes you're so picky. You love things that I think you'll hate, and hate things that I think are right up your alley. I guess what I'm getting at is this: our relationship is still in its infancy. We have lots of learning to do about one another. But that's what makes relationships so great, right? Well, that, and having a partner for the horizontal shuffle. Because, let's face it, it's just not the same with you and the bed.

If you don't like this one there are three more after the jump: one of Vader with Cheech & Chong audio, one of Han Solo and Greedo with Bladerunner audio, and the last one of Anakin and Padmé that is VERY VERY VERY NSFW because it has some audio from Clerks. "In a row?" Yeah, that part. That's the very last video, so DON'T CLICK IT AT WORK.

Continue Reading " Star Wars Edited With Rush Hour Audio "

Jul 28 2008 Stephen Hawking In LEGO Form

This is Stephen Hawking in LEGO form. I have no idea of the maker's intentions, but it was posted with this comment:

Professor Stephen Hawking, CH, CBE, FRS, Lucasian Professor of Mathematics - Cambridge University. BEST WISHES ON YOUR TRIP TO THE STARS

So I'm thinking the person was being genuine. Regardless, I think we can all agree that Hawking is one of the most brilliant minds of our time and I'm dumb as hell. Love you, Stephen. Some of my favorite Hawkingisms:

I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.

Continue Reading " Stephen Hawking In LEGO Form "

Jul 28 2008 Kids Dig Up Corpse To Make Skull Bong

Wow, just wow. Kevin Wade and Mathew Richard, two 17-year olds from Houston, Texas, were recently arrested for abusing a corpse. They didn't try to have sex with it, but they did remove the skull to make a bong.

Police were interviewing Jones about the debit card fraud when he told them about the grave theft.

Asked why Jones would volunteer the information police sergeant John Chomiak said: 'We can only speculate and guess to what goes on in the criminal mind.'

Come on sergeant, the kids didn't mastermind a bank heist, they dug up a corpse to make a bong. I'm pretty confident there isn't shit going on in their heads.

Teens make human skull bong [metro]

Thanks Gypsy and Paige, now come over and we'll take GB's out of my roommate's fishtank.

Jul 25 2008 Man Jumps From Helicopter, Catches Marlin

This is a video of a guy helicopter fishing, or heli-fishing, or jumping out of a helicopter onto a Marlin if you're not into the whole brevity thing. Allegedly it's real, but there were a couple things that made be believe otherwise. Like the guy filming in the water is already right freaking there (I think he tranquilized the fish), and jumping onto something with a spear-nose seems dangerous. Nevermind, people are always doing stupid, dangerous shit. So I guess that makes it real. I'm trying it.

UPDATE: Turns out I don't live near the ocean, gonna have to improvise. Oh oh -- got it!

UPDATE UPDATE: Okay, I jumped off the top of the bedpost onto a whale and finally caught it. Not the whale, herpes.

Have a great weekend everyone, XOXO.

Mad Aussie Guy Catches a Marlin from Helicopter [gizmodo]

Jul 25 2008 Rockabye Baby!: Rock Lullabyes For Kids

Rockabye Baby! is a series of albums put out by some record label that feature your favorite rock songs turned into wordless, soothing lullabies for children. Each album costs $17 and is basically a "best of" the particular artist. There are a ton to choose from like Metallica, Rolling Stones, Green Day, The Beatles, The Pixies, AC/DC, Smashing Pumpkins, U2, Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, Radiohead, Tool, Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, along with a bunch of others. I posted a sampler of their stuff after the jump, which includes a short video at the beginning of Metallica's guitarist Kirk Hammet talking about how he used the CD. So maybe they're doing it legally too, I dunno. What I do know is that kids don't need damn lullabies to sleep. What they need is a spot of bourbon. One for you, the rest of the bottle for daddy. Now remember: don't get out of bed or the goblins that live in the dark will eat you. Even your bones. I won't be able to save you. By the time I hear you scream and retreat from your mother's war-torn vagina, you'll be long gone. Well, sweet dreams.

Hit the jump to hear said lullabies.

Continue Reading " Rockabye Baby!: Rock Lullabyes For Kids "

Jul 25 2008 Eye Candy: Geeky Stained Glass Art Gallery

This is a beautiful stained glass gallery of geekdom. That's Vader there, modeled after a drawing by a 6-year old (seriously). After the jump you'll find all kinds of goodness like Link, Mega Man, Einstein, Pyramid Head from Silent Hill, the electromagnetic spectrum, Spider Man, and Master Chief. Hit the jump see them all -- but not hard or they might break. Sorry, a little glass humor there. Here's another one:

There's a stained glass window and a regular window in the same room.

Stained Glass Window: I can see through you.
Regular Window: Clearly.

HAHA HA HA HA AH AHA H AH! I just made that up. I swear, I should really do stand up -- but I love lying down! HIYO! I'm here till 5 folks, make sure to tip your bartender.

Carefully hit the jump for a bunch more, you want to see them. Also, hit the link for a little explanation of each piece.

Continue Reading " Eye Candy: Geeky Stained Glass Art Gallery "

Jul 25 2008 The Rest Of Star Wars Series 3 Mimobot's

Remember when we revealed Wicket as the second character in Mimoco's Series 3 of Star Wars flash drives? Well the remainder have been announced, with a Royal Guard and shiny-ass C-3P0 rounding out the set. Damn chrome dome, you're blinding me with that golden melon of yours! They're available now and come in 1,2,4 and 8GB varieties for $40, $50, $75 and $110, respectively. They did a great job with them all, but Wicket will always hold a special place in my heart. And also, stomach. I ate him!

Mimoco Star Wars Product Page

Jul 25 2008 This Is What Happens...

When your neighbors are a nuclear power plant.

The Chinese pig, dubbed 'Monkey Face', is apparently healthy despite being fugly as hell and having extra long back legs that cause it to hop around instead of walk. I gotta admit though, it's cuter than my sister's new baby.

Hit the jump to see the uncensored picture and be scarred and saddened.

Continue Reading " This Is What Happens... "

Jul 25 2008 Italian Chicks In Bikinis Playing Human Tetris

Tetris: awesome. Human Tetris: awesomer. Italian chicks in bikinis Tetris: PEW. PEW PEW PEW!

NOTE: Might be considered NSFW depending on how your employer feels about sexy Italian buttocks.

Youtube (search human tetris for a ton more)

Thanks Ross, want to go to Italy? Also, thanks to Bryan, king of the pew pew pew.

Jul 25 2008 I Told You So: Alien Visitations And UFOs Are Real, Confirmed By Apollo 14 Astronaut

Dr. Edgar Mitchell, sixth man to walk on the moon (in a Hollywood studio, according to my grandmother), is claiming that aliens are real and have made human contact.

'I happen to have been privileged enough to be in on the fact that we've been visited on this planet and the UFO phenomena is real,' Dr Mitchell said.

'It's been well covered up by all our governments for the last 60 years or so, but slowly it's leaked out and some of us have been privileged to have been briefed on some of it.

Chillingly, he claimed our technology is 'not nearly as sophisticated' as theirs and "had they been hostile", he warned 'we would be been gone by now'.

An article, along with the whole 9:00 radio interview is posted after the jump if you're interested. But I'll say this: don't believe everything an astronaut tells you. Although he does admit that the majority of alien stories you hear are fake. Ha, reminds me of the time I stuffed a broken car antennae up my ass and called the local news.

Hit it for the interview.

Continue Reading " I Told You So: Alien Visitations And UFOs Are Real, Confirmed By Apollo 14 Astronaut "

Jul 25 2008 Spam King Escapes Prison, Kills Wife And Daughter Before Committing Suicide

Well folks, the asshole went and did it. Edward Davidson, a man competing for the "Spam King of Douchenburg" title with this guy was serving a measly 21 months in prison after being convicted of falsifying header information to send spam e-mail, tax evasion and criminal forfeiture. But instead of bending over and taking his well deserved cavity searches like a man, he decided to escape. Then kill his wife and 3-year old daughter before turning the gun on himself. What a piece of shit.

UPDATE: Had the story all mixed up, fixed now.

Fugitive spammer dies in murder-suicide [msnbc]
and
'Spam King' kills family, self; U.S. attorney calls him 'a coward' [rockymountainnews]

Thanks Jessica, Dianne, and Todd.

Jul 24 2008 Why So Serious?: Custom Joker Shoes

Custom shoe-painter SweatShop Clothing sent me the link to a pair of Heath Ledger Joker shoes he made for some chick in New Zealand that wanted them to wear to the movie or something. Here they are. Hit the jump to see a ton of pictures, including several of the painting process. Great job SweatShop. Now how about some polos, but instead of a crocodile or guy on horseback, a little "Why so serious?" Joker face. Oh hell yes. Just let me know if you need any help in the factory, I'll send the neighbor's kids right over.

Hit it for a ton more, and a link to the artist's Myspace if you want something similar.

P.S. Miss you Heath.

Continue Reading " Why So Serious?: Custom Joker Shoes "

Jul 24 2008 ZombieHarmony: The Zombie Of Your Dreams Is Only A Click Away

Still looking for that special someone zombie? Well look no further than ZombieHarmony, an online dating service for the undead. ZombieHarmony...because the apocalypse doesn't have to be lonely. But don't go trying to use the site if you haven't been infected.

Disclaimer: ZombieHarmony is for zombies only. We advise signing up for ZombieHarmony only if you lack a pulse, have limited motor skills, or feel an intense desire to feast on human beings. We are not responsible for lost or ingested loved ones. If you go on a date with a zombie, we cannot be held liable for contributing to the apocalypse.

Please date responsibly: bring a baseball bat or crowbar.

Despite the warning, I used the site anyways and think I found the zombie of my dreams, her name is LimblessLisa, and she's gorgeous in a corspy kinda way. Just kidding, I don't think the site really works, it's just a fun looking frontpage. Sorry to let you down, sickos. But seriously, if you want to date an undead bitch with a taste for blood my ex-girlfriend's number is (XXX) XXX-XXXX.

UPDATE: Had to remove the number. Haha, I'm being sued!

ZombieHarmony

Thanks to Alex, Julian, and Shawn, all of whom used the website to score some zombie brain.

Jul 24 2008 LEGO Sushi, It's What's (Not) For Dinner

Ever had a really crappy day at work only to come home to a nagging wife and a burnt grilled cheese sandwich? Well multiply that by 1,305 and you'll have an idea what the last five years of my life have been like. Can a man not get some LEGO sushi and a carafe of peace and quiet for once in his God-forsaken life? Apparently not. And that, my friends, is why I'm jumping.

UPDATE: Damnit, I think I rolled my ankle. When it's better I'll try again. And this time I'm stacking a chair on top of the doghouse.

Hit the jump for some delectable closeups.

Continue Reading " LEGO Sushi, It's What's (Not) For Dinner "

Jul 24 2008 Stay Calm: How to Survive A Car Crashing Through A Diner And Into Your Table

Kenneth Anderson was enjoying a cup of coffee in a window seat at his favorite diner in North Carolina when some car came flying through the window and mashed him and his table into the bar. He walked away with minor scrapes. I love how afterwards he puts his hat on nonchalantly like nothing happened. Congratulations Kenneth, you win the Balls of Black Holes Award for the day. If they were any denser, your crotch would swallow the planet. Bravo.

CCTV Awesomeness: How To React When a Car Crashes Into You During Lunch [gizmodo]

Thanks to Ross, who once stopped a cement truck with his sultry gaze, for the tip.

Jul 24 2008 OMG: Marty McFly's Hoverboard On eBay

After spotting the post about Marty McFly's Nike's on eBay last week, loyal Geekologie reader (and all around handsome devil) Dave was kind enough to inform me that THE FREAKING HOVERBOARD IS UP FOR SALE TOO!

This is one of the hero Mattel Hoverboards used by Michael J. Fox in his most famous role as "Marty McFly" in the Robert Zemeckis classic 80s trilogy, Back to the Future. Two styles of Hoverboard were made for and employed in the film - lightweight boards of styrofoam construction and thick and durable wood-based props - this example is the latter, and is recognized as the best example of all wood Hoverboards to have survived the rigors of filming.

It is in used but outstanding condition, and is very rare in that it is entirely complete and intact. Given the wood build and use of metal components, it looks and feels like a "real" prop. This piece has the complete fully functional and rear ballbearing-mounted footpad that rotates 360 degrees, as well as the bottom "magnet plates". Of the two styles of stickers used for the effects, this prop has the "photoboard"-style sticker affixed. In addition, there is other textured styling and hand painting. This Hoverboard also features the hole in the top, representing where the handlebars were that "Marty" pulled off after borrowing the "toy" from the little girl in the film.

Oh man, I need it. You think it still works? Unfortunately the bidding starts at, are you sitting down -- $30,000. So yeah, what I'm gonna do is this: Build a time machine, travel to the future, pick up a sports score book, travel back to now, place some huge bets, and then buy that mother. I'm original!

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the board in the movie, ALONG WITH A VIDEO OF THE WHOLE CHASE SCENE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. KISSES!

Continue Reading " OMG: Marty McFly's Hoverboard On eBay "

Jul 24 2008 Moderately Satisfying: Jar Jar In Carbonite

Nice, but I'd still like to see more axes in his face.

Picture [pixdaus]

Thanks to MW, who noted that this is actually on display at Industrial Light & Magic near Lucas's office and may be an indication that George regrets his decision to introduce Jar Jar. Now listen George, hindsight's 20/20, but my foot's an 11½ and your a-hole is probably in the 4-6 range. Just saying, you're being watched.

Jul 24 2008 Cassette Skeleton Won't Fit In A Tape Deck

Brian Dettmer is a man. With a vision. A vision, possibly blurry, of a melted cassette tape skeleton. Brian reached for the stars, and while he didn't make it past tall buildings, he did manage to melt a bunch of cassettes into a skeleton. Congratulations Brian, it looks good. I'd love to have one of those propped up in the corner of my rumpus room. But I'd need for it to be animated. You know: wave his arms around, talk a little, that sort of thing. Oh, oh oh -- and have an 8-track brain and Walkman heart! Wow, how do I come up with this stuff? Haha, I don't -- it's all stolen.*

*From your mom's blog. OH SNAP!

Hit the jump for just a skull.

Continue Reading " Cassette Skeleton Won't Fit In A Tape Deck "

Jul 24 2008 New Zealand Has 'Odd' Name Trouble

New Zealand, a country best known for setting off a massive string of explosives that separated the land mass from Australia and floated out to sea, is having 'odd' name troubles. You probably remember the kiwi couple that was in the news awhile back when it was decided they couldn't name their son 4Real or OMGWTFBBQ. Well now more New Zealand couples are having trouble, mostly because they keep trying to name their children stupid shit.

A judge in New Zealand made a young girl a ward of court so that she could change the name she hated - Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. Judge Rob Murfitt said that the name embarrassed the nine-year-old and could expose her to teasing.

You think? Not to mention it would take six years to write your name on the top of every homework assignment. Officials have blocked Yeah Detroit, Stallion, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucy, Sex Fruit, Fat Boy, Cinderella Beauty Blossom, and Fish and Chips (twins), but allowed Violence, Number 16 Bus Shelter, Midnight Chardonnay, and Benson and Hedges (twins).

What the hell are they putting in the water supply in New Zealand? This is ridiculous. Number 16 Bus Shelter? You can imagine where that poor bastard was conceived. Violence? Sex Fruit? Listen, I've got two kids, and it wasn't hard giving them normal freaking names: BOOM! and 1.21 Jigowatts. BOOM!'s the boy, and that's what I call him unless I'm talking about him to someone else. In that case he's The UPS Man's.

Read the full story if you want.

NZ judge orders 'odd' name change [bbcnews]

Thanks Isabel and Jonathan, be thankful your parents weren't nuts.

Jul 23 2008 George Lucas Pulls A Han Solo In Carbonite

First we saw Han Solo in chocolate, then some jackass in carbonite, then a Han Solo in carbonite fridge and desk, and now, a George Lucas in carbonite display. It was made for some Star Wars convention in Japan and looks pretty accurate. I got to see it in person, and I've got to say, I had a thing or two to say to frozen George.

Me: Hey George, mind if I call you Lucas?
George:
Me: Good, Lucas it is.
Lucas:
Me: Listen, I have a bone to pick about the prequels you made to Star Wars.
Lucas:
Me: I didn't like them.
Lucas:
Me: I don't care how much money you made, you gotta admit you f***ed up with that whole Jar Jar thing.
Lucas:
Me: I'm here to teach you a lesson. *slips member in George's frozen hand* Quick, someone take a picture!
Lucas:
Me: *zipping up* You've been learned, now don't let it happen again.

Hit the jump for several more. Unfortunately the one with my junk got deleted off the camera.

Continue Reading " George Lucas Pulls A Han Solo In Carbonite "

Jul 23 2008 Wicked Stop-Motion Video From PES

We've seen some pretty wicked stop-motion videos in the past, and even some by the same director as this one. And, well, this is his latest, entitled Western Spaghetti. It's about cooking spaghetti and is amazingly well done. I'd totally eat that. Mmm, rubber bands and yarn, now that's eating like a king.

Seriously, watch the video -- you'll be amazed, and, if you're anything like me, depressed at your own level of creativity.

PES's official website (with a ton of other videos if you liked this one)

Jul 23 2008 All Money And No Class: Burberry Maserati, Plus SPECIAL BONUS Chrome Ferrari

Not that we really needed any more proof that money doesn't buy class or my affection, I thought I'd post this so everyone can blow off some steam by ranting in the comments section about what possessed some nutass to Burberry his Maserati Quattroporte. It's fugly and they didn't even do a good job. I mean the lines don't even match up. I'm driving down to the Maserati dealership and I'm gonna punch the first rich person I see milling around the lot.

UPDATE: Haha, I KO'd a salesman. F*** them too.

Hit the jump for a couple closeups and a few of a chrome Ferrari 599, which would be blinding to drive or be behind, but I am embarrassingly kind of liking.

Continue Reading " All Money And No Class: Burberry Maserati, Plus SPECIAL BONUS Chrome Ferrari "

Jul 23 2008 Fingernail Watch Doesn't Prevent Hangnails

The Timex2154 is a conceptual watch design that took runner-up in the global watch design competition sponsored by Timex and Core77. First place was a sundial. This particular concept was designed by a stoner (hence the 4:20) and fastens to your nail. You push the end to scroll through the different modes and change your color options. My girlfriend is so stupid she would probably nail polish right over it. Hey Timex, if you decide to manufacture this thing can you do me a favor and make a fingernail calculator too? I'm failing algebra because the teacher doesn't let us use calculators. Well, that, and the guy I chose cheat off of is apparently an idiot.

That's time at your fingertips [popgadget]

Thanks Mike, can I copy off you?

Jul 23 2008 RC Fishing Boat Does The Work For You

Ha, did my boss just catch me playing Solomon's Key on FireNes (note: version 1.1 is out so it may work now for those of you that were having problems) when I was supposed to be making a spreadsheet? Yes, yes he did. Anyway, some Japanese company is selling an RC fishing boat called KAMOME. It does all the work for you, so it's not even like you're fishing anymore, it's like you're driving an RC fishing boat. The 24 pound boat comes with a sonar system for spotting fish, GPS capabilities, and can catch fish up to about 4.5 pounds. The radio controller has a 5" LCD that displays the sonar and other ship data and has a range of about 1/3 of a mile. Unfortunately the damn thing costs over $5,000. So now instead of boring your friends with the story about "the one that got away", you can tell them the one about the Geekologie Writer sinking your $5,000 RC fishing boat.

JAPAN: Radio Controlled Fishing Boat [hobbymedia]

Thanks Francesco, now lets torpedo that sucker, just for the halibut.

Jul 23 2008 Hitachi Releases Cartoon To Explain What A Terabyte Is To Stoners, Possibly Children

Hitachi just made a 3:00 cartoon to explain how large a terabyte is to, I guess, stoners.

As Hitachi GST embarks upon its latest educational campaign and debuts a new market vision which it encapsulates as "The Dawn of the Tera Era," the company knew the time was once again right to produce a new video animation, given how successful these have always been in the past. This amazing collision of Capacity, Content and Culture has resulted in explosive growth of the amounts and types of information people are now storing. Megabytes are long forgotten. Today, gigabytes are being replaced by terabytes, hence the Tera Era. It's happening now. This is the Tera Era.

Geez, I had no idea. It's the Tera Era already? And all along I thought it was still the Porno Period. Boy am I rosy in the cheeks. And, okay, palm.

WARNING: The song in this video can and will get stuck in your head.

Hitachi makes a cartoon to explain what a terabyte is. If you are high...now is the time to watch it. [icantseeyou]

Thanks George Clooney, and I don't care why my girlfriend says, I think you're hot.

Jul 23 2008 Meat Gristle Spells "Allah" In Arabic, Is A Sign

This is a picture of a piece of meat gristle from a diner in Birnin Kebbi, Nigeria. A patron was about to eat said meat puck when he noticed it read "Allah". After ransacking the kitchen, an additional three Allah steaks were found.

The meat was boiled and then fried before being served, owner Kabiru Haliru told newspaper Weekly Trust.

"When the writings were discovered there were some Islamic scholars who come and eat here and they all commented that it was a sign to show that Islam is the only true religion for mankind," he said.

Okay, I think you may have gone off the deep end there. I fail to see how Allah gristle indicates Islam is the only religion for mankind. An Allah cheesesteak sure, but gristle?

Hit the link for the BBC article, which also links to two related stories, one of a fish with Allah on it's side, and one of a tomato. And I thought Christians were the only ones that went bonkers over toast and potato chip omens.

'Allah meat' astounds Nigerians [bbcnews]

Thanks to Julian, who once found is own name in the sprinkles of a Pop-Tart.

Jul 23 2008 'Spam King' Sentenced To Four Years In Prison, Hopefully A Really Rough One

'Spam King' Robert Soloway is headed to a federal pound you in the ass (I hope) prison for 47 months. He recently pleaded guilty to fraud, spamming, tax evasion, general douchery, asshatness, and sucking at life. We should probably just give him the chair. I really hope a fellow inmate down a handful of those penis pills he was always emailing me about and spams his ass.

Hit the link for the full story.

Top Spammer Sentenced To Nearly Four Years [yahoonews]

Thanks Julian, now let's stone him.

Jul 22 2008 MacBook Touch Hitting Streets In October?

There have been rumors flying that a MacBook touch could be hitting the market as early as October. Allegedly these rumors are substantiated too, as they came from a MacDailyNews source that broke the wireless iTunes story early as well.

Think MacBook screen, possibly a bit smaller, in glass with iPhone-like, but fuller-featured Multi-Touch. Gesture library. Full Mac OS X. This is why they bought P.A. Semi. Possibly with Immersion's haptic tech. Slot-loading SuperDrive. Accelerometer. GPS. Pretty expensive to produce initially, but sold at "low" price that will reduce margins. Apple wants to move these babies. And move they will. This is some sick shit. App Store-compatible, able to run Mac apps, too. By October at the latest.

Okay, I've heard enough. Admittedly, I was believing it at first, but now I can tell it's is a lie. How? Trusted sources don't say "This is some sick shit." That's like a back alley plastic surgeon promising you "the sweetest f***in' knockers this eye ever saw" while tapping his eyepatch and waving a machete. Sure you want to believe it, but you also want to know why the guy is working out the back of an Italian restaurant.

That said, I'm sure it's true.

Rumor: MacBook touch Coming in October [gizmodo]

Thanks Dan, now the girlfriend is gonna hound me for one.

Jul 22 2008 Drunk Driver Blows 0.491, Is Still Alive

No, it wasn't me. I don't drink and drive. I drink and walk. And already have enough trouble with that. Stanley Kobierowski though, he's another story.

Stanley Kobierowski, 34, of North Providence, was arrested after he drove into a highway message board on Interstate 95 in Providence, Maj. Steven O'Donnell said.

Smooth move, dipshit.

The legal limit in Rhode Island is .08. A blood alcohol of .3 is classified as "stupor," .4 is "comatose" and .5 is considered fatal, according to the health department. "Our only assumption could be that the person has a serious alcohol problem," O'Donnell said.

Uh, yeah, amazing assumption there, Major O'Donnell. Really, you sure he's an alcoholic and not just a robot that runs on gin?

Seriously though folks, no drinking and driving. I'll call you a taxi or come and pick you up myself if I have to. Because if I catch another one of you floundering around in my pool after you've driven through the fence and off the diving board, I'll kill you myself.

UPDATE: That's not a picture of his accident. That's just something I found on the interwebs to use as the picture.

Driver Charged With .491 Blood Alcohol Level [wbztv]

Thanks Mark, and like I said before, I wasn't in Rhode Island this morning, I swear.

Jul 22 2008 Gun + Knife = Gnife Knun Knife-Gun

The Knife-Gun is the lovechild of a small caliber handgun that humped a switchblade at the monthly gun & knife show they hold at the civic center. I couldn't find much more information on it, except that they're allegedly for sale and it looks like it shoots a pretty small caliber round. Probably more effective than the WASP Knife at a distance though. But it probably sucks underwater. Still, I love hybrid weapons, and this little puppy inspired me to invent the boomerang grenade. See, you pull and pin and throw it, and then it flies around and comes ba....okay, so it needs some work.

Youtube

Thanks Lee, I owe you a beer. Haha, just kidding.

Jul 22 2008 For The Geekologie Ladies: Fishy Pedicures

First, there was the 24K gold facial, and now, fish pedicures. Apparently they're really taking off in the Washington D.C. area and women are flocking to the Yvonne Hair and Nails Salon to let Garra rufa "doctor fish" carp eat the dead skin and calluses from their feet. I can almost guarantee those little guys would go belly up if I stuck my boats in the tank, but maybe these women take better care of their feet than I do.

Ho (the salon owner) said the hot water in which the fish thrive doesn't support much plant or aquatic life, so they learned to feed on whatever food sources were available _ including dead, flaking skin. They leave live skin alone because, without teeth, they can't bite it off.

Ho believes his is the only salon in the country to offer the treatment, which costs $35 for 15 minutes and $50 for 30 minutes. The spa has more than 1,000 fish, with about 100 in each individual pedicure tank at any given time.

Wow, $50 to set your feet in a fishtank for 30 minutes? What's the world coming to? I mean, besides a robot apocalypse? I'll tell you what, you come over to my place and I'll let you set your feet in my fishtank for $25. Of course, you only get 10 minutes. But trust me -- the piranhas are far more efficient than a bunch of crappy carp. Seriously, 30 minutes and they'd be down to the bone. I've also got a snapping turtle if you want your nails done.

UPDATE: The grizzly should be ready to cut hair by August, call for an appointment.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, including a really worthwhile one of three MILFs with their feet in the tank.

Continue Reading " For The Geekologie Ladies: Fishy Pedicures "

Jul 22 2008 IT Everywhere: An Art Project

In a similar vein as this and this, Paulthewineguy, a man who may or may not be Paul Giamatti from Sideways, has an ongoing art project entitled IT Everywhere. It's basically a bunch of video game/computer related art in the real world. Most of it is Photoshopped, but some are decals that he's stuck around town. As you can see unless you've lost your sight or are too young to remember, that's the opening scene from Ghosts 'n Goblins there. You know, the one where Arthur is lounging around in his drawls after banging the princess when that cockblocking jerk Satan shows up and steals the man's strange. Damn, should I design video games or what?

Hit the jump for several more worthwhile pics and a link to the huge gallery. Oh crap -- there's a Ghost Pirate LeChuck in there too. For those of you in the know, meet me at my tree fort at 6:00 PM, you're in the club.

Continue Reading " IT Everywhere: An Art Project "

Jul 22 2008 I Must Have It!: Little Knitted Link Doll

As many of you may know, I love everything Zelda. I even threatened my wife with divorce if she didn't legally change her name to Princess Zelda. That's how serious I am. Did I mention I have the triforce branded on the back of my hand? Because I'm totally going to do that now that I thought of it. Sa-weet! Anyway, this is a Link doll in knitted amigurumi form. I want him. Unfortunately, he doesn't appear to be for sale, but there are some other figures available at the creator's Etsy shop and a TON more pictures of Link and others on Flickr (check it out for LOTR and Star Wars figures). I pretty much want them all. Now I know what you're thinking, "Aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls?" And the answer to that, my friends, is Geekologie is written by a six-year old.

Hit the jump for a few more worthwhile pictures, including Link's awesome accessories, an Indiana Jones, Captain Jack Sparrow, Superman, and Cobra Commander.

Continue Reading " I Must Have It!: Little Knitted Link Doll "

Jul 22 2008 Wait, What?: SAS Dogs Trained To Parachute

Allegedly, German Shepherds are being trained to jump from planes at 25,000 feet strapped to SAS soldiers. The dogs will soon be deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, where they will serve as reconnaissance shepherds.

With tiny cameras fixed to their heads, the animals will be sent in before their human partners to hunt for Taliban or insurgent hideouts. The cameras will beam live images back to the troops as the dogs penetrate behind enemy lines and warn of ambushes.

According to The Sun, the dogs will be trained to accompany soldiers on what are called 'High Altitude High Opening' parachute jumps, after which they may have to travel 20 miles to their targets.

Apparently dogs have been trained to jump out of airplanes since World War II, when German Shepherds were used to infiltrate the German ranks and poison high ranking officials. Okay, I made that up (minus the parachuting). Still, somebody should make a movie about it. But I have a question. Why does that dog in the picture have a bionic mouth? And why is that guy pointing his gun at its head? Calm down bro, so it ate your boot -- that's what dogs do. And also, hump the cat and shit on the sofa. Right?
German Shepherds trained to parachute with SAS troops [telegraph]

Thanks Pat, now imagine if they did the same thing with mice. Stuart Little parachuting in behind enemy lines and then sneaking around and shit and talking in that little cute voice of his. That'd be great. Oh, another blockbuster movie idea.

Jul 22 2008 Kid Makes Cardboard Halo Weapons

What good is cardboard Halo armor if you don't have matching cardboard weapons to wave around? Exactly, no good. That's why Youtube user fartbuttface (who looks and sounds suspiciously like my little brother) made them all in his parent's garage. On the pool table. Next to his Litttle Tikes play car. I love how you can hear the crinkle of packing tape whenever he moves around, that's a sign of quality. The video is kind of long, so feel free to skip around. But make sure to hit 0:35 for some teabagging/Halo humping action, 2:20 for how to reload the rocket launcher with wrapping paper tubes, and 3:15 when he totally should have mounted his machine gun on the Little Tikes car and pretended it was a Warthog. Good job, little guy. You keep this up this level of dedication and you've got a bright future in virginity ahead of you. Kidding, I'm just jealous my mommy doesn't let me make cardboard guns. She's teaching me to cross-stitch.

Hit the jump for a couple more of his videos, including one of him running around in the woods behind his parent's house in full Halo regalia and another of him pointing his sniper rifle at his neighbor's house. If you're really bored at work today you can read some of the comments on his videos at Youtube. There's some funny stuff in there.

Continue Reading " Kid Makes Cardboard Halo Weapons "

Jul 21 2008 Your Own Tyrannosaurs Rex Fossil Replica

STAN was a Tyrannosaurus Rex that lived over 65 million years ago. In his heyday he probably banged tons of other dinosaurs, and, quite possibly, a woolly mammoth or two. But now he ain't banging shit but the wall at the Black Hills Museum of Natural History in South Dakota. That poor bastard, no cavemen to eat or nothing. Anyway, you can get a life-sized replica of his skeleton for $100,000. Now I know what you're thinking, "For 100K I better get to choose his damn pose." Well you do. They can make him standing, walking, running, jumping rope, driving a car, or humping your entertainment stand. I want mine chewing the head of my ex-wife. And also, shooting pool. Seriously though, $100,000 is way too much freaking money (this guy is only $56,000) for a damn skeleton replica. For that kind of dough I want the real bones. And there better be some good marrow left so I can clone that mother. Then I'll open the world's first 2-star, sex with dinosaurs resort, Jurupinthatassic Park.

Today must be your lucky day, I posted the 'Getting High With Dinosaurs' music video from The Whitest Kids U'Know because it's stupid as hell and I've always wanted to smoke with a pterodactyl.

Continue Reading " Your Own Tyrannosaurs Rex Fossil Replica "

Jul 21 2008 B21 Kitchen Robot (AKA: The Kitchen Killer)

The B21 Kitchen Robot was designed to know where everything in your kitchen is via RFID tagging and help you prepare meals. In reality, the robot will probably just stab you. The blue barrel bastard was created by the Technical University of Munich and even has the capability to learn how to use new tools (read: knives, read: oh freaking great).

(By using RFID tags) the robot knows where everything is, and it can learn simple tasks simply by observing the movements of the objects.

"Setting the table is very easily recognized from cups and plates disappearing from the cupboard and appearing on the table, and cleaning up later is characterized by the same objects disappearing from the table and appearing in the dishwasher."

The team is also working to integrate a number of open-source software packages to enable the robots to get instructions from the internet, in the same way that some search for images.

Oh yeah, that's just what I need -- a robot that's getting instructions from the interwebs. So let me get this straight: There's a robot in my kitchen. It knows where the knives are, and it's being controlled by someone whose goal is to type F1RST! in the comments? Thanks, but I'll just keep my wife chained to the stove. Damnit, hold on.

I SAID OVER EASY!

Robot chef gets a boost from wireless kitchen [newscientist]

Thanks Bo, now I have to destroy my kitchen so there's nowhere for this evil bastard to live.

Jul 21 2008 UPDATE: Star Wars Gets Fine Art Treatment

Well, we've already seen some Star Wars fine art in the past, but now Worth1000 just ran a 2-day contest to see who could make the coolest Photoshopping using Star Wars characters and classic art pieces. The one there is a take on Napoleon Crossing The Alps. But instead of Napoleon, it's Darth Vader. Darth Vader riding a horse -- like he would ever do that! So ridiculous. Hit the jump for a few more of my favorites, and make sure to hit the link for a bunch more. A lot of them are really freaking good, especially considering the artists only had two days to complete their work. Of course, if I had entered I would have totally won. I'd have used Jacques-Louis David's Death of Marat, but instead of Marat in the tub, it would be Jar Jar! With more blood. Lots more blood. Somebody send me a ribbon.

Note: Anybody that wants to actually make that, please do and send me a link so I can throw it up and give you a shoutout for your l33t photohaxoring.

UPDATE: Readers MadMonkey and Bryan were kind enough to make some. Hit the jump to see them.

Continue Reading " UPDATE: Star Wars Gets Fine Art Treatment "

Jul 21 2008 Wasp Knife In Action: Goodbye Watermelon

Remember the WASP Knife we posted last month that injects a ball of compressed gas into the stabee and explodes their organs? Well now the company has released a video of the knife versus a watermelon. After all, nobody can sell deadly knives like a jackass in a wetsuit and safety goggles stabbing a watermelon in his backyard. If this was an infomercial I'd have called immediately and gotten two and a free LED keychain bonus gift. Just imagine all the time you could save carving the Thanksgiving turkey. Minutes.

Hit the jump for disturbing watermelon carnage. Seriously, If you can blow up a watermelon with this thing, I don't even wanna know what you can do to a cantaloupe.

Continue Reading " Wasp Knife In Action: Goodbye Watermelon "

Jul 21 2008 Run By Monkeys?: HP's Shipping Department

HP just flipped Mother Nature the bird and shipped sixteen 2-page software licenses inside a huge freaking box. Inside the box were another 16 smaller boxes, each containing a single two-page license (picture of the big box after the jump). Now I'm not saying this infraction warrants a bag of packing peanuts be crammed up the shipping department's collective ass, but I am strongly hinting at it. And, I dunno, maybe sealing the hole with some packing tape. Can't have those peanuts getting loose, bad for the environment.

Hit the jump for the big box.

Continue Reading " Run By Monkeys?: HP's Shipping Department "

Jul 21 2008 World's Longest Homemade Waterslide?

Cutting the grass, drinking beer, and watching chicks run by the house in short shorts while I yell "PEW PEW PEW!" from my bedroom window -- it's what summertime is all about. Oh, and waterslides! This is a 100-yard waterslide (allegedly the world's largest homemade slide but I feel like I've seen another video somewhere of a super-duper slide that was even longer and had banked turns and stuff) that ends in a lake. Ah, summer watersports, gotta love 'em. But not the kind you perform in the shower and then have to break up with your girlfriend because you can't look at her in the same way again. Not that kind.

World's Largest Homemade Waterslide [break]

Thanks Julian, now let's build one twice as long and invite twice as many chicks than the guys in this video did.

Jul 21 2008 Papercraft Fun Frustration: Batman's Tumbler

Ah, Papercraft. A hobby that involves two of my favorite pastimes: cutting things, and glue. Did I mention I huff glue? I huff glue. Did I mention I huff glue? Freaking love that stuff. Anyway, this is a Papercraft Tumbler. It looks complicated and I could never make it. Not in a hundred years. I could cut the tip of a finger off though. Or, if the price is right, a toe. "You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon...with nail polish." While I have no Papercraft skills, my roommate has been up for two days straight working on this thing. I just peeked in his room and he's passed out on a pile of dirty clothes with one ball hanging out the fly of his boxers. But the car looks finished. So while he's sleeping I'm gonna tape a couple fireworks to the back and shoot it down the street.

UPDATE: So it, uh, burnt up pretty quick.

Hit the jump for several more shots and a link to the PDF's if you want to make your own.

Continue Reading " Papercraft Fun Frustration: Batman's Tumbler "

Jul 21 2008 iBeer For iPhone Is Ridiculous, Three Dollars

iBeer is an iPhone application that can be downloaded from iTunes for $3. It's every bit as ridiculous as Captain Kissyface in the picture looks. Because there is nothing sadder than pretend drinking beer. It makes me want to kill myself. If you really want it though and beer's not your scene we can't be friends but they're selling iMilk and iCantbelieveIjustpaid$3forthis as well.

Hit the jump to watch a video of the application in action. Spoiler: It looks like a taint with eyebrow spasms drinking an iPhone.

Continue Reading " iBeer For iPhone Is Ridiculous, Three Dollars "

Jul 18 2008 Epic Failure: Translate Server Error

If you're ever in China you have got to hit up Translate server error. Best food EVER.

Then we'll grab a bite at 404 Not Found [adfreak]

NOTE: I don't actually know if that's a restaurant or what. Anybody that can read it feel free to add.

Thanks Jason, a problem has been detected and Windows has been shut down to prevent damage to your computer.

Have a great weekend everyone, I'll miss you.

Jul 18 2008 Moon Transits Earth: Time-Lapse Video Caught From A Cool 31 Million Miles Away

This is a time-lapse video taken by NASA's EPOXI spacecraft from 31 million miles. It's pretty awe-inspiring. Halfway through the moon makes an appearance. You know, just to say what's up. In other lunar news: tonight's a full moon, so go check that shit out. But remember: If it's hairy, you're probably standing on the bathroom sink with your head between your legs, staring at your own ass in the mirror. Go outside.

HOLY FRAK! Moon transits Earth! [discover]

Jul 18 2008 Legit: The Dark Knight Joker Poker Set

The Dark Knight Joker Poker set is a limited edition that ships in August and costs $85.

This unique collectors' item includes a deck of 54 prop replica Joker cards (as seen in The Dark Knight film!) and a standard "playable" 4-suit, 54 card deck defaced by The Joker. Also included are 100 4-color poker chips in Joker-themed colors of green, purple, red and black, and 5 dice. The entire set comes housed in a black aluminum carrying case (which locks to prevent The Joker from defacing the second set of cards!), and the case is packaged in a 4-color box.

Seriously, f*** a 3-color box, those things are cheap. 4-colors, that's where it's at. OMG, OMG, The Dark Knight is out TODAY. Anybody wanna go with me? I'd go with my girlfriend but 1. she wouldn't appreciate it 2. I don't want to pay for her ticket (or yours either, cheapskate) C. she doesn't deserve to go, and B. she refuses to sneak booze in for me anymore. You knock over one bottle of bourbon and listen to it tink-tink-tink its way to the front of the theater and all of a sudden you're an "embarrassment" and "kicked out of Hellboy II".

Product Site
via
Batman: The Dark Knight Joker Poker Set [nerdapproved]

Jul 18 2008 Eye Candy: More Chinese Anti-Terrorism Exercises For The Olympics, With Captions!

Remember the picture of the Chinese military on Segways as part of an anti-terrorism exercise? Well it turns out there's a whole bunch more of them performing various drills. And I've posted them here for your viewing pleasure. This is one of the group practicing their synchronized flailing routine.

Hit the jump for 7 more, with captions!

Continue Reading " Eye Candy: More Chinese Anti-Terrorism Exercises For The Olympics, With Captions! "

Jul 18 2008 Capuchin Monk Plays In Heavy Metal Band. Monk NOT Monkey. The Kind That Wears A Robe And Loves God, Doesn't Throw Feces.

Cesare Bonizzi is a 62 year-old Capuchin monk who sings heavy metal. He was drawn to the music after going to a Metallica concert 15 years ago and has loved the style ever since.

His second heavy metal album, "Misteri" (Mysteries) has just been released.

In a sign of Brother Metal's eclecticism, it drew inspiration from a group of women in southern Italy who sang about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and a heavy metal version of that song is on the CD.

Other songs talk about how alcohol warms the heart but excess drinking can damage the liver, and how important sex is to man.

Ha, alcohol does warm the heart, doesn't it, Cesare? And you know what else does? Rescuing kittens. And also, fire. Seriously though, what's next, rapping nuns? No. Freaking. Way. Rapping nuns video added after the jump. And no, it's not Sister Act II.

Hold it now, hold it now, hold it now, hit it.

Continue Reading " Capuchin Monk Plays In Heavy Metal Band. Monk NOT Monkey. The Kind That Wears A Robe And Loves God, Doesn't Throw Feces. "

Jul 18 2008 eBay: Back To The Future II Shoe Prototype

This is a working prototype of the futuristic Nike's Marty McFly wore in Back to the Future II. This is not the shoe worn in the movie, it's the prototype from which the others were made. Oh, and it isn't a pair, it's just a single shoe.

They were originally called "Slamball Shoes," and that's what most people called them around Nike. There was supposed to have been a scene in the movie in which Marty plays Slamball, a game like 3D racquetball where the participants wear magnetic shoes which allow them to climb up the walls. That scene was never shot because the cost of building a huge room on gimbals to create the effect was too great.

The REAL name of the shoes in Marty McFly's world of 2015 was the "Nike Mag" because of their magnetic properties, and that's what is molded in the back of the heel.
The shoe is in "good" condition for what it is, but since the polyurethane midsole and fabric body of the shoe were simply spray-painted in the suggested color, some of the paint has flaked off over time. The LEDs, the electro-luminescent panel on the ankle strap, and one of the two electro-luminescent panels on the midsole still work. The other midsole panel comes on if you flex the shoe slightly.

Current bidding is at $2,550 with two days left. I'd bid on it, but I have two feet. Oh, and I try to stay clear of footwear that requires you have a battery pack strapped to your junk. That's just me though. Somebody call me when the hoverboard from the movie is for sale. And it better still hover.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of just how poorly things age when brought back in time.

Continue Reading " eBay: Back To The Future II Shoe Prototype "

Jul 18 2008 Steampunk R2 Is Cute As A Victorian Button

This is a picture of a steampunkified R2-D2 made by Deviant Art user Amoebabloke. Because, let's face it, steampunk and Star Wars are a match made in heaven. Like crabs and Old Bay. Or beer and liquor. Or my penis and coworker's coffee. The point I'm trying to make is this: that shit was scalding this morning.

Beer Barrel R2-D2 Steampunk Sculpture [neatorama]

Thanks crowbarsamuri, can I be tireironninja?

Jul 18 2008 Guy Finds Mysterious Keylogger In Laptop

Some guy opened his laptop to make a repair and found a rogue keylogger up in that mother.

What could this mean? I called Dell tech support about it, and they said, and I quote, "The integrated service tag identifier is there for assisting customers in the event of lost or misplaced personal information." He then hung up.

I called the police, as having a keylogger unknown to me in my laptop is a serious offense. They told me to call the Department of Homeland Security. At this point, I am in disbelief. Why would the DHS have a keylogger in my laptop? It was surreal.

So I called them, and they told me to submit a Freedom of Information Act request.

You can read a scanned copy of the reply to his request after the jump, but it basically says his request warrants no freedom of information. DHS for the win! Needless to say, I'm ripping my laptop apart right now.

UPDATE: Okay, I didn't find any mysterious keyloggers, but I did find a couple rogue Cheetos.

UPDATE UPDATE: False alarm. Purportedly fake -- and old. But I'm man enough to admit when I've screwed up, and this was clearly my tipsters fault. Whew, back to surfing porn.

Hit the jump for a scanned copy of the DHS reply to the request for information.

Continue Reading " Guy Finds Mysterious Keylogger In Laptop "

Jul 17 2008 DeWalt Edition M-16 Is Power Tooltastic

Kidding, it's not really a DeWalt edition rifle, it's just an M-16 some guy modded to look like one. Apparently, it's supposed to look like a nail gun.

I'd just picked up a new (to me) M-16 and was in the process of fixing it up a little. It needed new furniture anyway, so I sourced the safety yellow stock, guard, and grip. Then, I went down to the DeWalt factory service place a few miles from the house to get a sticker. There, I saw they had brand new battery casings, so I picked up one of those too. I got home, found a short magazine , and got to work.

Yeah buddy, that's what I'm talking about. I freaking love modded weapons (except these ones) and even dabble in them a little myself. Like when my wife was at work today I modded a bazooka to look like her hair dryer. Anybody want to go out for coffee tomorrow morning, say around 8:00?

UPDATE: Added more pics after the jump.

Continue Reading " DeWalt Edition M-16 Is Power Tooltastic "

Jul 17 2008 Sweeeeet!: Hands-Free Laptop Holder

The Connect-A-Desk is a $40 hands-free laptop desk that hangs from your neck. It was designed to make you look cool and I think it's safe to say it's working perfectly. My tipster, Kenny, had this to say about the device:

hey man, saw this on thinkgeek, and figured youd find something very mean to say about it :P hahaha

Now I don't know why you think I'm the kind of person that'd write something mean, Kenny, and I hate to disappoint a loyal reader, but this thing is bad-to-the-ass. I mean, it's hands-free, so you can walk around (or drive) and still use your computer. I do suggest they sell a towel attachment though. You know, one that hangs down in front low enough to cover your junk. HA! -- there aren't enough towels in the world to cover your junk! Good one. We're like opposites.

Thinkgeek Product Page

Thanks Kenny, and I know, I'm a disappointment.

Jul 17 2008 New Analog Watch Models From Tokyoflash

In a departure from their typically cryptic watches, Tokyoflash has just dropped a line of easier to read analog models from Nekura. That's three of the them there, but there are five in total, so hit the jump for high-res pictures of all of them. Each sells for $85, has an engraved strap which is available with a black or clear outer, and is sure to get you laid. Trust me, I have the Twilight (the middle one) and that thing attracts the ladies like a rare earth magnet attracts a female rare earth magnet. I just strapped that baby on and BA-BOOM, mad chicks were hanging all up on me and fondling my watch. It was sensual. I mean these chicks were so close their chestfruits were like a foot and half away from my mouth (a first!). Mmmm, I could smell the intoxicating scent of their shampoos and I just wanted to eat them up like a zombie chomping on a brain. You feeling me? Because I'm feeling you. Literally. And no, this doesn't count as sexual harassment. This is totally legit.

Hit the jump for a big picture of each one.

Continue Reading " New Analog Watch Models From Tokyoflash "

Jul 17 2008 Because You Hate Your Kids: Baby Wigs

First there were cat wigs, then dog wigs, and now, baby wigs. Baby Toupees are "small wigs for small people" and cost $22 apiece. Thankfully these weren't available when I was a baby or my mom would have bought them all. Baby Toupee: $22. F***ing your kids up for life: priceless.

Baby Toupee website (with a huge gallery of babies in other, discontinued models)

Thanks to Julian, who just purchased the whole set for his doll collection.

Jul 17 2008 Epic Failure: Kid Riding Jet Ski In Hot Tub

This is a short video of an asscap riding a jet ski in a hot tub. It's every bit the epic failure you'd expect. The whole time I was waiting for a cruise ship to come along and crush the dumb bastard to death, but my prayer went unanswered. Something about God hating me.

UPDATE: I'd like to apologize to all of you who were misled into thinking that Captain Numbnuts of the USS Special Ed was going to hurt himself by the inclusion of "epic failure" in the title and post. If it's any consolation, there was nobody wishing him more harm than myself. And also, YAAAAAAAAA! *UMPH* -- there, I just punched myself in the go-go-gadget-gonads for you.

Jet Skiing in a Jacuzzi Is Half Crazy Half Sad [gizmodo]

Jul 17 2008 Cool: Batman's Tumbler As A Transformer, Also, Tumber Vs. F1 Race Car, WHEE!

This is what Batman's Tumbler might look like as a Transformer. I say "might look like" because I'm pretty sure the real Transformer would be more piratey. You know, with a patch and peg-leg.

Make sure to check out the high-res picture, including info, here. And since the Dark Knight is dropping tomorrow and I'm as excited as the time I found out my girlfriend wasn't pregnant after all, I threw up some pictures and a video of the Tumbler and Toyota's F1 race car going at it after the jump.

Kris Kross will make you jump jump
uh huh uh uh
jump jump.

Continue Reading " Cool: Batman's Tumbler As A Transformer, Also, Tumber Vs. F1 Race Car, WHEE! "

Jul 17 2008 Disgruntled IT Administrator Comandeers San Francisco City Network, Gets Arrested, Sticks It To The Man By Refusing To Give Up Password

Terry Childs, 43, is acting like one and refuses to give up the password he created that is effectively blocking all access to San Francisco's new multimillion-dollar network. Why did he do it? Possibly because he was on the verge of canning.

Childs has worked for the city for about five years. One official with knowledge of the case said he had been disciplined on the job in recent months for poor performance and that his supervisors had tried to fire him. "They weren't able to do it - this was kind of his insurance policy."

Officials also said they feared that although Childs is in jail, he may have enabled a third party to access the system by telephone or other electronic device and order the destruction of hundreds of thousands of sensitive documents.

As part of his alleged sabotage, Childs engineered a tracing system to monitor what other administrators were saying and doing related to his personnel case, law enforcement officials said.

Damnit Terry, the city paid you $149,269 last year, just do your freaking job. I'd do anything for that kind of money, including, but not limited to: work, selling all my internal organs except the kidney, televangelism, and turning tricks in the back of a hybrid. I'm telling you, eco-friendly johns are a growing market. If the Prius is a rockin' don't bother knockin', you have to wait your turn or pay $5 to watch.

Way more in-depth article link follows.

S.F. officials locked out of computer network [sfgate]

Thanks Romeo, now lets do something similar to Skynet before it's too late.

Jul 17 2008 Had A Tetanus Shot?: More Scrap Metal Art

Remember Optimus "Scrap Metal" Prime from a couple weeks ago? Well here's some more. Scrap metal art that is, not Optimus Primes. Geekologie loyalist Julian spotted some of Metal Park's work at a street fair in NYC over the weekend and took some pictures. The artists make all sorts of different characters, that's a Big Daddy from BioShock there. Hit the jump for a couple more, including a dragon, Master Chief, Boba Fett and WALL-E. If you're interested check out their website, they make more scrap metal figures than you can shake a rusty shiv at. But don't touch anything: tetanus abound. You know, these reminds me of when I was a kid and my dad would take me to the construction site to play in the scrap metal heap. Like he always used to tell me, "What doesn't kill you only makes me wish it would have". Father of the year, hands down.

Hit the jump.

Continue Reading " Had A Tetanus Shot?: More Scrap Metal Art "

Jul 16 2008 Non-Newtonian Fluid On Subwoofer

This is a video of a non-Newtonian fluid on a metal sheet set atop a subwoofer. It's pretty cool to watch. In case you forgot (or never knew) what non-Newtonian fluids are, I've copy/pasted some Wikipedia below, and posted another video of some people running across a pool of the stuff after the jump.

A non-Newtonian fluid is a fluid whose flow properties cannot be described by a single constant viscosity. An inexpensive, non-toxic example of a non-Newtonian fluid is a solution of corn starch (corn flour) and water, sometimes called oobleck. The application of force - for example by stabbing the surface with a finger, or rapidly inverting the container holding it - leads to the fluid behaving like a solid rather than a liquid. This is the "shear thickening" property of this non-Newtonian fluid. More gentle treatment, such as slowly inserting a spoon, will leave it in its liquid state. Trying to jerk the spoon back out again, however, will trigger the return of the temporary solid state. A person moving quickly and applying sufficient force with their feet can literally walk across such a liquid.

Mix cornstarch to water in a 2:1 ratio to make your own. But if you don't have any cornstarch handy you can just use pancake batter.

UPDATE: Okay, who believed me and used pancake batter? Anybody, anybody? Suckers! This is the interwebs, folks -- you can't go around believing everything you read. And on an unrelated note, does anybody know how long it typically takes for a Nigerian prince to transfer funds into a U.S. bank account?

Hit the jump for a video of people running across a non-Newtonian fluid.

Continue Reading " Non-Newtonian Fluid On Subwoofer "

Jul 16 2008 Steve Wozniak Likes The Price Is Right

There was a time in my life that started when I turned 21 and ended on June 15, 2007 when I would get drunk at the bar everyday at 11:00 A.M. and watched The Price Is Right. And if you think I'm joking, sadly, I am not. Anyway, this is a picture of Stephen "Woz" Wozniak, co-founder of Apple, watching the show from the front row. Sadly for Woz, he was never called down to contestant's row and given the opportunity to win a diamond tennis bracelet or curio cabinet. Still, you have good taste in game shows, Steve. Give me a call sometime and we'll pound some beers (you're buying) and complain about how freaking stupid the contestants are. We may even scream at them through the television. Good times. Miss you Bob, think about you and your beauties everyday at 11:00. <3

Hit the jump for another picture of Woz and some of my favorite Price is Right videos including the stoner that always guesses 420, one of the dumbest contestants ever, and a bloopers reel.

Continue Reading " Steve Wozniak Likes The Price Is Right "

Jul 16 2008 Tempest Storm, Born 1928, Still Stripping

Tempest Storm was born in 1928 by some other name and was stripping by 1950. And guess what -- she's still at it. And, oh, I just puked a little.

"I don't just get up there and rip my clothes off," she says.

Indeed, the 80-year-old burlesque queen takes her clothes off very slowly.

Her act is a time capsule. She knows nothing of poles. She would never put her derriere in some man's face. Her prop of choice is a boa, perhaps the occasional divan.

It takes four numbers, she says adamantly, four numbers to get it all off. To do it classy.

I disagree Tempest, three minutes is about all the class I can stand. Anyway, the geriatric Storm claims she dated Elvis and regularly danced for the likes of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Mickey Rooney, Nat King Cole, and The Geekologie Writer's great-grandfather. Okay, the puke dribble has developed into a full fledged projectile vomit, so I'm gonna have to wrap things up here with another quote.

Oh my God, I'm emptying my whole stomach.

Ha, I quoted myself. Hit the jump for two more pictures, but a warning: one is from the back (waist up) and shows her in her stripping outfit. It's definitely suitable for work, but not for a mere mortal's eyes. You have been warned. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I WARNED YOU. WARNING, WARNING! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! F*** it, lose your sight, I don't care.

Hit it if you're cool with blindness.

Continue Reading " Tempest Storm, Born 1928, Still Stripping "

Jul 16 2008 Tetris Ice Cubes Keep Drinks Cold, Gamey

We've seen Tetris shelves, mirrors, decals, waffles, and even another set of ice cube trays, but here comes another. Because, well, I love Tetris and I love drinking. Both hold a very special place in my heart. A place I go when my wife starts blathering about the rough day she had at work and I'm trying to tune her out.

tetris + ice cubes = icetris [technabob]

Thanks Shawn and Mary, now lets play a game. It's called Drinktris, and we'll make up the rules as we go along. Rule 1: Drink. Rule 2: Something to do with Tetris. Oh, I've got it -- shapes. So we drink and call out shapes. I'll start. *gulp* Orange. Okay, your turn Shawn.

Jul 16 2008 Oops: How Not To Use A Drive-Through ATM

This is how not to use a drive-through ATM. Now I hate to sound sexist or anything, but this is quite clearly a woman's doing. So what if the only people in the truck were a guy and his 10-year old son? His wife probably demanded some cash before allowing them to leave on their male-bonding camping trip. And you know what she was gonna use the money for while they were gone? Shoes. Shoes and, more than likely, a male stripper. Now do I know women or do I know women? I freaking know them like the back of my hand. See, there's the scar from when I cut myself opening a can of catfood, and there's the...wait a minute, I don't remember getting a "chauvinist asshole" tattoo.

Note: Thankfully, both the driver and his son escaped from the truck unharmed.

Thanks Kate and Jaybone, either one of you want to be towed behind my truck on an office chair? We could go through the drive through at Dairy Queen and get ice creams.

Jul 16 2008 Pope Benedict XVI Sending Text Messages

Pope Benedict XVI is now sending messages of encouragement to pilgrims (you know, the people that ate with the Indians) via SMS texting. The first message was sent this morning and reads as follows:

Young friend, God and his people expect much from u because u have within you the Fathers supreme gift: the Spirit of Jesus - BXVI

No he didn't. Did he? He did. He used a U instead of spelling you.

Hs holiness,

U R lIk 100 yr.z old. pls dun uz U insted of "you" n futR txt msgz.

Sincerely,

d Geekologie Writer

p.s. i M l337 txtor

Note: The story is real, the picture I made.
Pope Benedict XVI texting out messages of encouragement [engadget]

Thanks Julian, but seriously -- stop texting tips, they cost me 40¢ apiece

Jul 16 2008 Millenium Falcon And Master Yoda Cakes

Whee, two Millennium Falcon posts in a row! I bet all you readers out there with Millennium Falcon fetishes are Kessel Running out of your minds right now like you're on glitterstim spice thanks to all the awesomeness I so selflessly provide for you. As you can see, we've got two cakes here. On the left, a Millennium Falcon (made by Charm City Cakes), and on the right, Master Yoda (made by Mikkel Mihlrad for Star Wars Weekends). They're both made out of eggs and flour and shit (damnit, not literally) and look unbelievably amazing. Almost too good to eat. Almost, but I'd blast the hell out of those things like Greedo in the Mos Eisley Cantina -- into my face. NOM NOM NOM. You know, I think these cakes serve as an important reminder. A reminder that, no matter how sincere they sounded, my parents were lying whenever they told me they loved me.

Hit the jump for larger photos so you can really appreciate the amazing work that went into these caketacular masterpieces.

Continue Reading " Millenium Falcon And Master Yoda Cakes "

Jul 16 2008 LEGO Millennium Falcon Time Lapse Build

This video is a little older, so you may have already seen it. But if not, you're in for a real treat. If you have seen it already, you're in for fond memories of a treat eaten awhile ago. It's a time-lapse video of some guy building a Millennium Falcon LEGO set. Not the 5,195 piece Ultimate Collector's set though, a smaller one. But it's not just a boring build, he actually makes the pieces dance around on the table and shit while being assembled. It's very well done and took over 38 hours to complete. Which is more time than I've ever spent on a project in my entire life. Hell, I've even had marriages that didn't last that long. Ask my current wife if you don't believe me, we just celebrated our 24-hour anniversary this morning. And honestly -- I think we're about ready to call it quits. Isn't that right, what's-your-face?

Youtube

Thanks to Lockjaw, who needs to learn to wear shoes. All it takes is one rusty nail.

Jul 15 2008 Evan, 5, Gets Transformers Cake For Birthday

Evan, a 5-year old from Whoknows, Orcares, got a Transformers cake for his birthday. As you can see, it's fairly well made and features a lead-based Transformers logo on top. But don't eat the figurines, Evan, or your fifth birthday may transform into your last. HAHA AHAH! Seriously though, Evan, I had a real-life Transformer at my 5th birthday. He started off as my dad, but after a bottle of Evan Williams transformed into a guy that made out with the magician's assistant and sat on my cake.

Hit the jump for a close-up of the logo.

Continue Reading " Evan, 5, Gets Transformers Cake For Birthday "

Jul 15 2008 The iGiveUp: A Handgun Bluetooth Handset

The iGiveUp is a Bluetooth handset in the form of a gun. You just put the barrel in your ear and pull the trigger to make and receive calls. There's an Instructable if you want to make your own, and it's not too complicated. The concept may or may not have been developed by the guy who made Mana Energy Potions seeing how his Instructibles name is ManaEnergyPotion and there's a picture of him surrounded by bottles of the stuff. I've got to hand it to whoever is responsible though, there have been many times when I'd have rather have just wrapped this life up than take a phone call. Like this morning when my parole officer called to ask why my ankle monitor reported I'd been in Vegas over weekend. You know what I told him? Because I love drinking, gambling and prostitutes. Which, incidentally, is how I got arrested in the first place. As the saying goes: you can't teach an old dog not kill another hooker.

Hit the jump for a video of the folks showing the gun off to people waiting in line for the new iPhone.

Continue Reading " The iGiveUp: A Handgun Bluetooth Handset "

Jul 15 2008 Guy Tries To Rob Pizza Joint, Gets An Extra Large Knocked The Hell Out

There's nothing funnier than when some asshat tries to rob a pizza joint and ends up getting knocked the f*** out. Especially when his wig falls off and an employee realizes it's her dad.

As Stephanie Martinez was getting money out of a cash drawer, a co-worker, Rudy Sandoval, fought back against the intruder, knocking off his wig and sunglasses. Whe she saw the face behind the wig and dark glasses, "I dropped the money," Ms. Martinez said. "I said, 'Don't hit him again! That's my dad!' And he said, 'What's he doing here?' and I said, 'I don't know!' "

Wow, surprisingly, Stephanie was not in on the job, but her mom was. Robbing your daughter's workplace -- now that's family for you. Hold on, door.

UPDATE: It was my dad, he kicked me in the face and stole my wallet.

Skip to 1:15 for the action, 2:45 for a close-up.

Denton pizza employee: Surprised to see dad when wig falls off robber [dallasnews]
and
Do not rob this pizza store [break]

Thanks to Jaybone and Julian, now one of you bring over a pizza. I can't cook and had to dump the girlfriend after I found out she has a thing for some Italian's sausage.

Jul 15 2008 Crashed B-2 Bomber Pics Get Me Misty Eyed

If there's one thing that's sad, it's the death of a pet. Followed distantly by $1.2 billion plane crashes. And, while we've already posted another picture and video of the crash, here are some nice close-ups of the now infamous wreck. Pretty sad isn't it? I think so. Of course, it's not as bad as when Hammy the Hamster went. There are very few things sadder than watching your dad cook and eat your only friend because you couldn't make it to base in a little league game.

Hit the jump for two more pictures, including one of a firetruck and another of two doctors crawling through a field with a steampunk computer. Just kidding, apparently they're deactivating remaining explosives in the ejector seat.

Continue Reading " Crashed B-2 Bomber Pics Get Me Misty Eyed "

Jul 15 2008 Magic 3-D Box Displays Images In 3-D

The gCubik is a little 10cm (~4 inch) cube designed by Japan's National Institute of Information and Communications Technology (NICT) that can display 3-D images via integrated imaging technology and its multiple sides.

The NICT wants to significantly improve the display quality within 3 years. A wireless version is in the works as well. The institute aims at commercializing the gCubik for use in business and science. They say their invention could be used by video game companies, too, for example.

Sure, video games, that would be fun. But let's face it: the box was designed for 3-D porn. Can you imagine what a boob would look like on that thing? Yeah, pretty shitty. Still, it's a step.

UPDATE: I've decide the box looks like a ghost containment trap from Ghostbusters.

Amazing mini 3D-display cube developed in Japan [crunchgear]

Thanks Romeo, just imagine how awesome Portal would be on that thing.

Jul 15 2008 FAKE!: Last Week's Stormtrooper Smash

Remember those Scout Trooper smashing devil-women from last week? Well, as some of you had guessed, a video released yesterday proves it was, in fact, fake. Turns out the dude was in on it the whole time and they were destroying the doll because it was already broken and they needed proof of destruction to get a replacement from Sideshow Collectibles.

Congratulations on the trickery folks, you're all a bunch of assholes! Do you know how many sleepless nights I've had since watching the original video? All of them. Honestly, this doesn't change my opinion of the women whatsoever, and I still suggest they be burned at the stake. Only now, the guy can join them.

Youtube

Thanks to entropic soul for making me wish harm on all those involved even more now.

Jul 15 2008 Shouting Vase Turns Yelling Into A Whisper

The shouting vase is a $79 jug that you yell into after you stub your toe on the coffee table or your wife cooks your eggs the wrong way. It drastically reduces the volume of your screaming, as is evident from the scientific picture in the bottom right.

Turn your loudest, most urgent frustrations into mere whispers with the Shouting Vase. The plastic jug is designed to fit over the contours of your mouth and absorb your screams and shouts, "storing" them in the vase and emitting a softer version of your angry cries through the tiny hole at the base. Ideal for when you feel like shouting, but know that speaking softly is more likely to do the trick. Or the perfect gift for the loud one in your life.

The loud one in my life, huh? Why don't you just come out and say "your wife"? Because that's obviously what you meant. I'd get one, but $79 is kind of expensive for a plastic freaking scream jug. Let me know when they're under $20, until then I'm sticking to pillow biting.

Product Page

THANKS FRANK, THIS THING REALLY WORKS WONDERS!!!

Jul 15 2008 Scientists Collect Cow Toots To Better Understand Their Effects On Global Warming

Argentinian scientists are collecting cow gas in an effort to understand how the methane produced by our bovine brethren is affecting the global solar cooker we call earth and its atmosphere.

As one of the world's biggest beef producers, Argentina has more than 55 million cows grazing in its famed Pampas grasslands.

Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology, said every cow produces between 800 to 1,000 liters of emissions every day.

Methane, which is also released from landfills, coal mines and leaking gas pipes, is 23 times more effective at trapping heat in the atmosphere than carbon dioxide.

Every cow produces 1,000 liters of emissions? Holy hellfire. I can't believe we can even breathe anymore. The scientists hope that by understanding the process by which cattle produce methane, they'll be able to alter their diets to produce less of the gas. Well call me old fashioned, but I think there's a much more logical, less scientific method for getting a cow to produce less tootage -- make them huff their own gas bags. Now I don't like awards ceremonies, so just go ahead and send the Nobel Prize to my parent's house.

Cow farts collected in plastic tank for global warming study [telegraph]

Thanks Jim and Julian, is it true that huffing cow ass gets you high?

Jul 14 2008 How To Win At Claw Machines: The Little Kid Method. Also, A Picture Of My Claw Winnings

We've all heard the stories before: some kid crawls into a claw machine trying to snag a free prize. Until now we just had to read about, but here comes the video! Note to parents: no matter what your paternal instincts are telling you, a claw machine is not a suitable babysitter. Hard to believe, I know.

Hit the jump for a picture I took with my cameraphone a while ago with a bunch of my claw machine winnings laid out (I'm a real catch ladies). Seriously, those are mine, and yes, the bullwhip in front actually came out of a claw machine. It was right next to a slingshot.

Continue Reading " How To Win At Claw Machines: The Little Kid Method. Also, A Picture Of My Claw Winnings "

Jul 14 2008 More Iranian Missile Photoshoppings

Remember last week's story about Iran Photoshopping their missile launch pictures? Well it turns out that several other individuals, inspired by the fine work by yours truly, have taken to Photoshopping their own versions of the picture. Hit the jump for several more, and if you happen to have seen another one, or have made one yourself, send me a link and I'll throw it up in the gallery. Like my grandfather used to say while squinting one eye and pointing his finger like a gun at anybody who walked past his house, "Pew pew, bitches, pew pew! Words to live by folks.

Hit the jump for the gallery.

Continue Reading " More Iranian Missile Photoshoppings "

Jul 14 2008 Tom Selleck Cake Is Chest Hair Delectable

If there's one thing I learned from watching every single episode of Magnum P.I., it's that I want to live in Hawaii and drive a Ferrari. If there are two things I've learned it's that I want to live in Hawaii and drive a Ferrari, and then lick Tom Selleck's chest hair in the most non-sexual mancrush way possible. Well birthday girl Emma got the next best thing when her friend Alicia Poicia made her a sweet Tom Selleck cake.

I will admit, this cake did not turn out how I envisioned. I initially imagined nipples, a bigger portrait area, and better bordering, lettering, and so on. I found myself running out of time, so the bordering, the lettering, and flowers were tremendously rushed and overall half-assed. Thus, they really bother me to look at.

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself Alicia. I didn't even notice there were flowers on the cake. I was too busy staring at the wormy man-hair covering Tom's glistening chest. Did I mention I like the mustache? I like the mustache. You can almost hear it asking, "Hey ladies, wanna go for a ride?" Oh oh, I do Tom, I do!

What's Better than Tom Selleck? A Tom Selleck Cake! [seriouseats]

Thanks Mariah, you think you could make me something similar for my birthday? But, you know, with real hair?

Jul 14 2008 Impressive: Homemade Paintball Sentry

Some dude made a paintball sentry that automatically detects moving objects and lights them up (with paintballs, not light, silly!). It's pretty freaking impressive. Skip to 2:00 to see an impressive distraction test, 3:30 to see a kid on a trampoline getting destroyed, and then keep watching to see the thing shooting at a guy speeding by in a Jeep. The kid that made the unit hopes to sell them once he's fine-tuned the design, but claims, "My ridiculously low income is the only thing slowing me down." Tell me about it, paintball sentry maker, I'm right there with ya. My ridiculously low income is the only thing keeping me living in my parent's attic. Well, that and I've befriended the mice. Haven't I, Cheesy Weesy? You're my little mousey wousy, aren't you? Gimme kissy. OW, YOU BIT ME YOU LITTLE....uh-oh. Aw George, I can still tend the rabbits, can't I?

Some Guy Went and Built a Sentry Gun [kotaku]

Thanks to Harry and Sev, both of whom could easily dodge the paintballs with their l33t ninja skills

Jul 14 2008 Hat Tech: Ladies, The Bang-Go Is A Must

If there's one thing I know, it's fashion. So believe me when I tell you that these hats are totally gonna be the new paisley. The Bang-Go is a hat made for women and men with bangs that want to wear a hat but don't like the wear they crush their precious hairstyle. Bang-Gos costs $20, should have been called Go-Bangs, and the top can be removed if you just want a visor. This reminds me: I was getting drunk at the bar the other day and I kept trying to take a cameraphone picture of this chick at the bar who had the most ridiculous bangs I've ever seen. They weren't even bangs, they were freaking booms. HUGE. She caught me though and I had to buy her a Budweiser and lie about how awesome I thought her bangs were and how I wanted my girlfriend to do something similar. I eventually asked if I could touch them and she let me. Long story short: I haven't washed my hand since.

Product Site

Thanks Tara, I'll get one if you get one.

Jul 14 2008 Why Not?: Kid Makes N64 Controller Pipe

Ah, it seems like only yesterday I was a college freshman in the dorm puffing on a tinfoil pipe and blowing the smoke through a dryer-sheet filled 20oz bottle. Good times. Which could have been better if I had a wicked N64 pipe at the time. But I didn't. What I did have was a dorm custodian that would occasionally drop off a rubber glove stuffed with a NASCAR lighter and partially smoked pipe for me to finish off. I'd give anything to be 18 again.

N64 Controller Bong Combines the Two Reasons Your College GPA Sucked [gizmodo]

Thanks Alex, send me a picture after you make an X-Hotbox 360 and I'll post it.

Jul 14 2008 Russian Ravers Go Blind From Laser Show

As many as 29 people may have partial vision loss as the result of a laser light show at an outdoor rave near Moscow last week. Several have experienced vision loss as high as 80 percent.

Attendees said heavy rains forced organizers to erect massive tents for the all-night dance party, and lasers that normally illuminate upwards into the sky were instead partially refracted into the ravers' eyes.

Now don't get me wrong, a person losing their vision is freaking awful, and I hope all those affected by this show can get some kind of help. But the point I'd like to make is this: a laser light show where the possibility of going blind doesn't exist is a crappy laser light show. You might as well hire a kid swinging a flashlight on a string. Seriously though folks, I wish these ravers the best and would like to remind you, the reader, to be careful with your eyes. Like testicles*, you only get two.

*Or ovaries.

Ravers lose sight at Russian laser show [reuters]

Thanks Mark and Romeo, have either one of you ever bitten through a glow-stick? I have, it tasted awful.

Jul 14 2008 Woman Selling 'Cursed' iPhone On eBay

eBayer noli.tumi may have purchased hot pink hair extensions and fake eyelashes in the past, and even dabbled in selling jewelry, but now she's going for the gusto and selling her brand new 3G iPhone. Oh, did I mention it's cursed? And that she's asking $8,180,000.50?

When I opened the package.

The phone was on.

There were no cute buttons, no touch screen. (NEVER touch the screen, I'll tell you why later on.)

Instead, there was a blurry image of Steve Jobs burned into it. At first I didn't recognize it at all, my brother told me he was sure it was Steve Jobs. We looked through some pictures online and we are pretty sure the image is that of Steve Jobs.

I tried to rub it off thinking it was a joke, but the screen was SUPER HOT. I pretty much burned my fingers and as I type this, the middle and ring fingers on my right hand barely feel the keys on this keyboard. Never ever touch the screen of this ipod. The sides are cool room temperature, but the screen is intensely hot.

The image doesn't move, it's burned on so its not on the LCD. The LCD doesn't even turn on. However the sound does work, and occasionally (ussually when someone is looking at it or talking about it, but it might be a coincidence)
The iPhone chuckles, loudly!

Steve Jobs just laughs at me. Over and over and over. I've had it for a day and it hasn't run out of batteries. The sound still works. It laughs while I sleep. It laughs at me in the car. At work. Everywhere.

I was going to return it, but maybe someone is interested in this haunted piece of technology.

Now I'm not saying noli is trying to pull our leg here, but I am saying it's f***ed up she's charging $3.99 for shipping. I call witch, somebody start a fire.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Dimitri, who's trying to sell a cursed pager. Buy it now, $2.

Jul 11 2008 OMG, OMG, WATCH THIS RIGHT NOW!!!

This is a video of a guy lying down on a motorcycle and text messaging, all while cruising down the highway in New Delhi, India. No way? Yes way! And also, holy shit!

Have a great weekend everybody.

Youtube

Thanks to Lockjaw and Julian for showing me the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

Jul 11 2008 UPDATE: Radiohead's New "Video" Shot With Lasers Or Something, I Don't Understand, Am Stupid

So instead of using a camera like a normal band, Radiohead, in all their progression, shot their most recent video for "House of Cards" with lasers or something. I don't freaking know, people, does it look like I understand technology?

The Geometric Informatics scanning system employs structured light to capture detailed 3D images at close proximity, and was used to render the performances of Radiohead's Thom Yorke, the female lead, and several partygoers. The Velodyne Lidar system uses multiple lasers to capture large environments in 3D, in this case 64 lasers rotating and shooting in a 360 degree radius 900 times per minute, capturing all of the exterior scenes and wide party shots.

Uh-huh. Thom York had this to say about the video:

I always like the idea of using technology in a way that it wasn't meant to be used, the struggle to get your head round what you can do with it. I liked the idea of making a video of human beings and real life and time without using any cameras, just lasers, so there are just mathematical points-- and how strangely emotional it ended up being.

Uh-huh. You know, I've been emotionally attached to a laser before, and let me tell you what -- incredible lover. I'm talking burning passion. And, okay, pubes.

That's a screenshot there, and there are several more after the jump.

UPDATE: Two videos added after the jump. One is the music video, the other a "making of" video. Go here to play the video and manipulate it in real time using a visualization program.

Continue Reading " UPDATE: Radiohead's New "Video" Shot With Lasers Or Something, I Don't Understand, Am Stupid "

Jul 11 2008 Redneck Mansion: Too Good To Be True

I knew when I saw these pictures they were too good to be true. And sadly, they are. I had to do some interweb spelunking but, finally, got to the bottom of their origin. Touted around the net as a "redneck mansion", the structure was actually the set for a performance of Anton Chekhov's play Ivanov at an outdoor theater in Amsterdam. So yeah, shit. Still an awesome setup though, I'd totally live there. Anybody want to get together and build something similar? I'm thinking something like an Ewok village in the trees, but with double-wides. Who's with me? Also, I apologize to all of those who had their hopes up for this being a real redneck mansion. Believe me, I was right there with you. This is the second time in 24 hours I've been tricked into thinking something was something that it's not. The first being the dude still asleep in my bed.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the thing.

Continue Reading " Redneck Mansion: Too Good To Be True "

Jul 11 2008 'Fanboy' Makes Merriam-Webster Dictionary

In word news, 'fanboy' has officially been added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. That's the entry there in the picture. Weird they didn't mention anything about Apple or video games. Oh, and as you can see they claim the word dates back to 1919. Which I find a little hard to believe. In 1919 a fanboy was a kid you paid to wave a palm frond in your direction to stay cool, not somebody sitting outside an Apple store right now waiting for an iPhone. Oh well. In other word news, 'Geekologie' should be added to the dictionary. And no, not as the study of all things geek. Well, fine, that too -- but I was thinking something a little tougher.

Geekologie n, v (2008)
1. the study of all things geek
Dude, this college sucks, you can't even get a Geekologie degree.

2. to utterly destroy someone else and prove your dominance, similar to pwn
Suck it, sucker, I just beat your Bomberman high score. You got Geekologied!

3. to teabag a passed out roommate who forgot to take his shoes off
Quick, grab the video camera -- I'm gonna Geekologie Davey!

'Fanboy' makes Merriam-Webster's list of new English words [gamepro]

Thanks Julian, I'm putting you in charge of spearheading the petition.

Jul 11 2008 Dummy On Segway Kisses Another Dummy

This is allegedly a Segway crash-test video used to determine the effects (including potential eroticism) that can occur when someone plows their Segway into a stationary person. If you can't watch it, it basically looks like two dummies kissing. Honestly, I don't even know why they performed this test in the first place. I can tell you what happens when you crash your Segway into something: you look even stupider.

Segway Crash Test is Awkward For All Parties Involved [gizmodo]

Jul 11 2008 Well, At Least He Drives A Prius Ad Campaign

This is a ad from a campaign designed by the Bed & Breakfast Advertising Agency for Toyota's Prius. It uses the tagline "Well, at least he drives a Prius" as if driving a Prius makes up for tossing a body in the river (which it totally does). There are two more after the jump, including a guy chatting it up with a hooker, and some dude's wife making out with the gardener. Man, I freaking love good advertising. Seriously, this is how you sell products, folks. Sometimes I wish I had gone into advertising, I'm always coming up with stuff like this. Like, oh oh -- I've got one. Okay: it's a picture of a pasty, overweight guy lying on a sofa. He's got a laptop resting on his chest. The keyboard is Cheeto stained and the desktop background is some chick with monster gazongas. His two-inch member is hanging out the fly of his boxers and the caption at the bottom reads, "Well, at least he writes Geekologie."

Hit the jump for the other two ads.

Continue Reading " Well, At Least He Drives A Prius Ad Campaign "

Jul 11 2008 Cardboard Toilet Is Obviously Questionable

The Shit Box is a cardboard toilet made specifically for outdoor use. But, if your water gets cut off because you didn't pay the bill, I can vouch it works inside as well. It costs about $31, which the company claims is "an honest price", and is obviously a bold-faced lie. I mean, it's a cardboard box that comes with "10 degradable poo bags (you worthless damn poo bags you, you'll never amount to anything!)". To its credit though, the unit doubles as a stool if you're comfortable hovering over a bag of shit with nothing between you and it but a cardboard lid. Oh, and the name has got to go. Shit box is already what you call an old, crappy car or some idiot's pie-hole. Which, in my girlfriend's case, is not just because she's always blathering some nonsense (although she is). You see, she was in this really twisted viral video...

Hit the jump for a couple more graphics explaining how the unit works in case shitting in a cardboard box is beyond you.

Continue Reading " Cardboard Toilet Is Obviously Questionable "

Jul 11 2008 Gumball Machine Dispenses Ideas, Bad Ones

This is a picture of a gumball machine Sarah Lustberg spotted in the East Village, NYC. It dispenses ideas for 50¢ a pop. Of course, they're probably bad ideas. Stuff like, "Tag the door to the right" and, "Shop in the store to the left". Still, a clever concept. Add a webcam, throw in some ideas like, "You have superhuman strength, try to stop a car", and presto: you've got your own Youtube channel.*

*That'll be 50¢. I accept Paypal.

Best Idea Ever: Gumball Machine Sells ... Ideas! [neatorama]

Thanks to Romeo, who sells ideas via 1-800-BAD-IDEA for the low, low introductory rate of $3.99 for the first idea, $2.99 each additional idea. He also does horoscopes and recipes.

Jul 10 2008 Gerbil's Personal LEGO Elevator, Penthouse

This is a video of Dopey the hamster playing with his own personal LEGO elevator. He uses it to reach his penthouse suite at the top of the cage. Of course, it takes Dopey (being as high as he is and all) several attempts to make the stretch from elevator to penthouse door. But he does make it eventually. However, throughout the video I happened to notice there was no elevator operator on duty. Are you telling me Dopey has to push the little buttons himself? That's freaking cruel -- somebody call PETA.

Dopey the hamster, adn his private LEGO elevator. [bbgadgets]

Thanks Shawn and Ray, now when are you two gonna getting started on my LEGO elevator. I need one to get out of the bathtub.

Jul 10 2008 Iran Photoshops Pictures To Hide Failure

So apparently Iran Photoshopped a picture of some missiles to make it appear as if they have the capability to launch four missiles instead of three and a dud (unphotoshopped pictures after the jump). A bunch of newspapers printed the photo before new things came to light and revealed it had been shopped. Uhhh...doctoring a picture to have four missiles instead of three? What the hell's the purpose? Why not go for the gusto and have 9 missiles shooting all over the place. That's what I did (picture after the jump). See how much more intimidating that looks? BOOM -- missiles going everywhere. You could learn a thing or two from The Geekologie Writer, Iran. I have a Photoshop portfolio, you know. Including, and pretty much limited to: the missile picture I just did, and my penis with a few inches added that I use for internet personals.

Hit the jump for the original picture, the doctored one, and my own version.

Continue Reading " Iran Photoshops Pictures To Hide Failure "

Jul 10 2008 Tie Napkins: Who Wears A Shirt To Dinner?

I typically eat alfresco, which for some might mean outdoors, but for me means butt-ass naked. I don't care if it's a 7-course dinner or a box of Oreos, I need to be comfortable. Well, for those formal tie-only affairs come these Dress For Dinner Napkins. As you can see, they're napkins with ties printed on them. They come in four tie patterns and a box of twenty will set you back $5.95. Not bad considering the money you'll save on dry cleaning bills. The only problem is, I'm having trouble finding a place to tuck them in. Hold on, I've got it. I'll just make a little incision here below the Adam's apple and...I'm bleeding. Wow, a lot. Like a lot a lot. Great, now my napkin tie is rui....

Dress For Dinner Napkins [ohgizmo]

Jul 10 2008 Rock-afire Explosion Band For Sale On eBay!

Well after yesterday's exciting Rock-afire Explosion post, a loyal tipster has notified me there's a set for sale on eBay. And it's only $14,000!

Showbiz Pizza Rock-afire Explosion Complete Show for Sale!

Complete 3 stage show with curtains and curtain rods. Show is mostly restored and ready to install at your location.

Of course, there are a few things about the auction that concern me. For starters, the seller only has 50% positive feedback for the past year. In one instance it was claimed they never sent an item that was paid for.

I Never Received Merchandise- Refund bounced. No Response from Seller

In another, they backed out of purchasing a car.

Car was misrepresented in ad; had to turn off with a screwdriver & more problems

Ha, the old bait and screwdriver ignition switch, freaking classic. No, but what really worries me is this: I've got the distinct feeling this particular band was used to lure kids into some guy's basement (more pics after the jump). After all, no child can resist free pizza and a couple songs played by the Rock-afire Explosion. And, as I learned years ago, some creepy dude trying to touch your butt doesn't seem all that awkward after watching their performance.

Hit the jump for the rest of the pictures and a link to the auction.

Continue Reading " Rock-afire Explosion Band For Sale On eBay! "

Jul 10 2008 iPhone On Sale Tomorrow, This Kiwi Got One

Well folks, in case you had forgotten, the 3G iPhone goes on sale tomorrow. And, apparently, this assblastingcap in the photo was the first to procure said device because he lives in New Zealand, and somehow it's already Friday over there. Anybody understand how that works? I don't. Is the world spinning faster over there or something? Does it have to do with magnets? Is it ever like a full week ahead? Because if so I want to go over there, watch the news from over here, and then fly back and play the lottery real quick once I know the winning numbers. Does anybody do that? Is it illegal?

3G iPhone tomorrow, who's getting one? Who doesn't care? Who thought I was being serious about the whole time travel thing? I'm not stupid, I know it doesn't have anything to do with magnets. It's something about Australia's gravitational influence.

That Guy Got His Stupid iPhone 3G, First [gizmodo]

Jul 10 2008 Super Chuck Norris Bros. Is Action Packed

This is a video of Super Chuck Norris Bros. Allegedly it's a real game somebody has been working on. Basically you roundhouse kick the shit out of a bunch of goombas, grab a chainsaw or shotgun, destroy the tree and hills in the background, and all around kick ass. What surprised me was that Chuck Norris was caught playing in a video game. Chuck Norris doesn't play video games, he bangs my girlfriend while I do. Then he beats my high score while she's making him a sandwich.

Hit the jump for another video of the game with some kid talking over it complaining about how it's stupid Chuck can't die or lose in the game. Ha, like Chuck Norris could ever die. You moron.

Continue Reading " Super Chuck Norris Bros. Is Action Packed "

Jul 10 2008 Limited Edition Star Wars Adidas Shoes

This is the first I'd heard about the limited edition Star Wars x Adidas Super Stars sneakers (do people still say sneakers? I do) but apparently they came out a couple months ago and were limited to 800 pairs per side of the force (that's 800 dark side, 800 light side). So they're probably already snatched up. I looked on eBay and nada. So, yeah, I guess I'm gonna have to write a couple threatening letters to Adidas to send me a pair.

Great attention to detail was taken by Adidas for these sneakers. The "Yoda" Super Stars feature a hemp upper much like something the Jedi Master wore on his home planet of Dagobah. In addition to the good choice of colors and materials, Adidas also covered the lace tips in the neon green color of Yoda's lightsaber. The "Darth Vader" Super Stars takes inspiration from the characters mask. The parallel lines on the side are like that covering Vader's mouth and the black patent leather to represent the glossy finish. Again Adidas finished off the kicks with red lace tips to match Vader's lightsaber.

Okay, so I just found a place that had been selling them (sold out now) for $275. Which, around here, is the same price as 11 mediocre lap dances (22 on buy one get one free night). And, honestly, which would feel better on your weary soles(!)? The prosecution rests.

Hit the jump for a ton more pictures of both the Vader and Yoda models.

Continue Reading " Limited Edition Star Wars Adidas Shoes "

Jul 10 2008 New Spider Landmine Safer Than Old Ones

Ah yes, a safer landmine. And all along I've thought landmines were supposed to be the opposite of safe. I'm about as stupid as my little sister. The Spider has six legs set at 60º intervals and drops six separate mines once in position. The mines are detonated by an operator, so you can jump on the trip-wires all you want as long as the guy at the controls likes you. But if you ate the last of his rations, look out. The unit can be packed with fragmentation charges or non-lethal gases, and I'm definitely a fan of any option that doesn't include "frag". Of course, being the nation that we are, the Spider does feature a "battle override mode" which allows the mine to detonate on its own without an operator. Which violates the Mine Ban Treaty -- but we didn't sign that shit (along with China, India and Russia)! So, yeah, we've got an asshole club thing going on. Also, apparently we still use bayonets.

Innovative Spider landmine has six deadly legs, offers non-lethal options [dvice]

Jul 9 2008 Okay: Showbiz Pizza Rock-afire Explosion Band Programmed To Play Other Songs

Remember Showbiz Pizza? It was like Chuck E. Cheese's, but with some southern flair. It was the total awesome when I was six. They had a playground with slides, a ball pit, all kinds of video games, pizza, and an animatronic band called the Rock-afire Explosion. You'd settle down to eat some greasy-ass pizza and watch the show while your dad chugged pitchers of beer and stole your game tokens. Well now two of the original programmers of the show are programming the long-defunct band to play new songs. This video is of "Love in this club" by Usher, but there are two by Madonna and Shakira after the jump. You definitely didn't see these songs performed at Showbiz as a kid! You did, however, probably see a turd in the ballpit.*

*And it was mine! That pizza always ran right through me.

Hit the jump for the others.

Continue Reading " Okay: Showbiz Pizza Rock-afire Explosion Band Programmed To Play Other Songs "

Jul 9 2008 Great, Just Great: DARPA Awards Grant To Make T-1000's, Kill Us In Our Sleep

The U.S. Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) recently awarded Tufts University a $3.3 million contract to develop T-1000 shape-shifters so they can squeeze under doors and through cracks and shit to kill us all. Part of the original DARPA solicitation for proposals follows.

The ability to safely and covertly gain access to denied or hostile areas and perform useful tasks provides critical advantages to warfighters over a broad spectrum of military operations. An effective and logistically attractive means for gaining entry to denied areas is to deploy an unmanned platform, such as a robot. However, often the only available points of entry are small openings in buildings, walls, under doors, etc. In these cases, a robot must be soft enough to squeeze or traverse through small openings, yet large enough to carry an operationally meaningful payload. Current robotic platforms are constructed primarily from hard materials and, while capable of locomotion with embedded payloads, cannot change their physical dimensions to rapidly traverse arbitrary size/shape openings whose dimensions are much smaller than the robot itself and are not known a-priori.

You thought I was joking, didn't you? Well I wasn't. And I wasn't joking when I just boarded up the door and windows of my apartment either either. I'll be damned if I'm done in by some mercury-ass blob. Ha, I forgot to let the girlfriend in. I can hear her out front pounding...the UPS guy. What a freaking slut.

Hit the links for more in-depth articles that I stopped reading because they were creeping me out.

Tufts to develop morphing 'chemical robots' [physorg]
via
Shape-shifting, organ-probing chembots coming soon [engadget]

DARPA Solicitation For Proposals

Thanks Ryan and Benjamin, I hate living anyways.

Jul 9 2008 Steampunk Guitar Looks Good, Pointy

This is a steampunk guitar. It's functional. You may love it. Or you may hate it because you hate everything steampunk. Or you may hate it because your girlfriend cheated on you with a musician. Whatever the case, you either love it or hate it. Or just think it's okay. One of those three. Or, okay, maybe you're indifferent. But definitely one of four. Unless you love it sometimes, hate it others, and don't care the rest. Or if you, I dunno, wow I'm high. Cookie Crisp in chocolate milk for the win.

Hit the jump for another steampunkish guitar. And by "steampunkish" I mean it has a custom pick guard that looks like gears.

Continue Reading " Steampunk Guitar Looks Good, Pointy "

Jul 9 2008 Super Mario Bros. "Landscape" Art Installation

I don't have much information about these pictures except they're part of an art installation entitled "Landscape" and feature, well, a landscape from Super Mario Bros. The installation may or may not have been created by a woman named Antoinette J. Citizen -- which is either the coolest real name ever, or the worst porn name ever. Let's see, what else? There are some interactive question mark boxes that play Mario sound effects when you push them and I totally want my bedroom done up like this. Fine, the guest bedroom. The wife would kill me if I took down any of her Johnny Depp posters in the master. Just kidding, those are mine. But seriously, they're not coming down.

Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures and a link to the gallery with even more.

Continue Reading " Super Mario Bros. "Landscape" Art Installation "

Jul 9 2008 Idiot Kid Tries To Feed Cops LSD Cookies

Christian Phillips, 18, of Lake Worth, Texas, was arrested for delivering baskets of drugged cookies to police departments in the Dallas area. Christian, who we will now refer to as Dishonorable Captain Meltyface of the USS Acidprise, decided to be charitable with his stash of LSD and make some psychedelic cookies for the area police force. He was arrested after police were "tipped off that someone was falsely claiming to deliver treats on behalf of Mothers Against Drunk Driving." Wow man, that was kind of a dick move. You could have at least manned up and said you were from NORML or something.

"Our officers took a good whiff and thought they smelled like marijuana," McGuire said, adding that preliminary tests instead detected traces of LSD.

The suspect denied trying to contaminate the goodies or harm anyone and said one of his friends might have been smoking pot while Phillips was baking, McGuire said. The suspect is not affiliated with MADD, the chief said.

In Fort Worth, at least three officers got sick after eating some cookies and candy from a basket delivered to that police station Monday night, authorities said.

First of all, Captain Meltyface, you should have made donuts. And secondly, police, you don't get "sick" from eating laced cookies and candy, you get "tripping". You know, like the ceiling looks really awesome and and you see faces in a brick wall. Sick is a fever and diarrhea. Tripping is light trails and crawling around on the floor because the ceiling is two feet high.

Hit the link for the full story.

Teen Accused of Giving Cops LSD Cookies [aolnews]

Thanks Pat, you wanna drop and then walk around town and comment on people's yards?

Jul 9 2008 The Jedi Gym Is Awesome, How Do I Join?

Kind of like the Jedi Academy, comes the Jedi Gym. The video is six minutes long, but actually is worth watching if/when you have the time. Mainly for the guy playing Lando Calrissian (that's him in the still) and the awesome plot twist around 4:00. Now I don't want to ruin anything, but let's just say it was pleasantly unexpected. Kind of like the time I walked in on my girlfriend with another chick. Now I know what you're wondering, and no, I was sadly not invited to participate. I was asked to leave and shut the door behind me. And that, my friends, is the story of how I was almost happy once.

Youtube

Thanks Brennan, that's just what I needed after the last few traumatizing Star Wars videos

Jul 9 2008 I Want: Bubble Wrap Calendar Is Popsome

The Bubble Calendar is a poster-sized calendar with a bubble to pop every day. They're available in vertical and horizontal models and measure 48" x 17.5" (or 17.5" x 48"!). The printed on paper version will set you back $30, but if you want it on a high quality plastic backing you'll have to pop $50. I think I want one, the only problem is I have no self control. The entire calendar would probably last a week. Now a condom calendar -- that'd last a while. And not because I live dangerously, but because I've never seen a vagina. Unless that blurry one I think I saw on the scrambled porno channel counts. Which, let's be honest, totally should. Haha, virgin no more!

Bubble Calendar Website

Thanks Brendan, I rented a Moon Bounce for my party this weekend if you want to come over and try to pop it.

Jul 9 2008 More Geek Tattoos That I Would Never Get

Here at Geekologie we've seen gaming tattoos, laser-etched tattoos, a dude with a Zune tattoo, and even eyeball tattoos. And here comes another installment of geeky ink. Apple, Google, Microsoft, Dell, they're all here, along with a few others. Make sure to hit the jump and check out my favorite, the Game Over tattoo. Also, I'll be posting pictures of my wicked Geekologie tattoo just as soon as I get it. Still waiting for the payday loan to clear.

Hit the jump for a bunch more and the link to a couple other smaller ones.

Continue Reading " More Geek Tattoos That I Would Never Get "

Jul 8 2008 Shooting Simulator: Use Your Own Gun

The ST-2 indoor shooting simulator is just the thing you need if you thought Duck Hunt was the awesomest game ever when you were a kid. They system is currently being used by the Russian and Slovakian shooting teams in preparation for the Olympics, and I want one installed in my basement. It's advertised as the "first simulator for shotgun and rifle shooting designed specifically for demanding users such as shooting instructors" and gives you feedback explaining what you did wrong should you miss a shot. You know, stuff like, "you have shitty aim", and "you were distracted by the couple having sex in the bushes". Which is a bad idea. Because one time I tried playing Duck Hunt with daddy's gun and accidentally shot stepmommy while she was vacuuming.

ST-2 shooting simulator keeps your aim sharp [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who I've head can dissolve an entire urinal cake with a single urination.

Jul 8 2008 Scary Crawling Robot Man Is Art, Statement

Apparently Japanese performance artist built this scary ass crawling robot to make a statement about the impending Asian economic crash. Something about how Japanese salarymen are really gonna be crawling along the sidewalk while people stand around and gawk. Honestly I have no idea, which is why I'm not an art critic. I stood in a museum staring at a bunch of squiggly lines for like ten minutes when this woman came up beside me and remaked to her partner, "This is a really profound statement about the technological innovations of the past half century." I turned to them and, confused, asked, "It's not a giant cooch?" Needless to say, the statement Momoyo is making with this robot is beyond me. If I had to guess though, it'd have less to do the plight of the Japanese salaryman because of an economic crash and more to do the plight of a Japanese salaryman with wonky legs whose wheelchair was stolen.

Crawling Businessman Robot Is a Critique On Japanese Salarymen [gizmodo]

Jul 8 2008 Dolphin Submarine/Boat Thing Could Be Fun

The Innerspace Dolphin and Seabreacher and water vessels designed to look and behave like actual dolphins. They're powered by a little engine in the back and you can do all sorts of fun stuff like barrel rolls, jumps, dives and drownings. I want one pretty bad. The Seabreacher just became available for sale this spring, unfortunately I couldn't find a price. Allegedly the smaller Dolphin model went for around $50,000, but I couldn't find any verification of this figure. Anybody know? Also, do you think they'll come out with a Dolphinbreacher model in the future? Because that's what I really see myself doing. Besides, I've already had sex with a porpoise. The porpoise was to get my girlfriend pregnant so she wouldn't leave me! HAH AHA HA HAH AH !! She left anyways. Hated puns.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, a commercial of the thing in action, and a link to the website if you want to buy one.

Continue Reading " Dolphin Submarine/Boat Thing Could Be Fun "

Jul 8 2008 Garden Zombies Add An Undead Touch To Your Flowerbed, Hopefully Scare Solicitors

Tired of staring at the same damn group of garden gnomes in your flowerbed? Well how about (un)livening things up a bit with a Garden Zombie? Garden Zombies cost $90 and the 32"W x 20"D x 8"H sculptures look like they're climbing out of the ground and ready to gnaw on some headfruit.

Not for the faint of heart, the life-sized, gray-toned zombie will claw his way out of your garden plot or family room corner, pleading for assistance with the most lifelike eyes you've ever seen. His macabre expression is captured in such great detail in quality designer resin and finished so realistically that you'll swear you can hear him breathing!

Garden? Maybe. Inside the apartment? F*** no. The last thing I need to see while stumbling my way to a midnight snack is a zombie climbing out of the floor. I'd decimate my tighty-offwhities (if I was wearing any) and cry like a baby. Eventually I'd come to, grab one of my zombie-survival kits, and proceed to kill the poor sap that lives in the apartment below mine.

Replace That Old Gnome With A Garden Zombie [ohgizmo]

Jul 8 2008 Surprised?: Dubai Constructing World's Largest Water Fountain. Up Next: Everything Else

In an announcement that surprised absolutely no one, Dubai has voiced its intention of building the world's largest and fanciest water fountain (not of the drinking variety.

Costing a whopping $281 million, the new fountains will shoot water 450 feet into the air and pump 22,000 gallons of water through it at any given time. 6,600 lights and 50 projectors will shoot video and images onto the spray as its in the air...

Cool, I guess. I mean, I love a good fountain show as much as the next person stoned out of their mind, but this seems a little excessive. Why does everything have to be so extreme? You're not trying to make up for anything down there are you, Dubai? Sure, I'll take a loo...MY EYE! So much for that theory.

Hit the jump for what the fountain looks like if you're tripping.

Continue Reading " Surprised?: Dubai Constructing World's Largest Water Fountain. Up Next: Everything Else "

Jul 8 2008 Jump Out A Window: The Wizard Escape Pack

Look around. See any flames? Take a whiff. Does it smell like smoke? Take your iPod's earbuds out. Is there a fire-alarm blaring? If so, strap on the Wizard safety pack, attach the end of the lifeline to something sturdy (no, not your computer monitor) and then dive out a window. Now sit back and piss your dress pants while the Wizard's 250-meter cable lowers you safely to the ground. Designed by HJC Design, the promises an "automated public safety solution with up to 250-meters of reciprocating lifeline technology." You just better hope a co-worker wants your attach point and disconnects your line before you hit ground level (lest you hit ground level at a break-neck velocity). That's why I'm sticking to plan A: my trusty hang glider. Sure it takes up the entire men's bathroom, but seriously, would you rather be safe in the event of an emergency or urinate in your coworker's desk drawers? Ahhhhhhhhhh, exactly. *zip*

Wizard escape pack: too late for MacGyver, too conceptual for Bauer [engadget]

Thanks Julian, I'm thinking we'll use these to escape the strip club without paying our tab

Jul 8 2008 Geekologie Exclusive: The Next Mimobot Star Wars Series 3 Character Is...(Drumroll, Please)

Wicket! Come collect your prize. Last week it was announced that Darth Sidious was the first character in the Mimobot Series 3 of Star Wars USB drives, but Wicket comes in a solid second. God I love that furry little bastard. So cute, I just want to eat him. I mean after skinning and roasting of course. I kid, I kid! The remaining two characters will be revealed in the next two weeks, and the entire series goes on sale July 23rd. Hit the jump for several closeups and a little diorama of Wicket standing on an Imperial Speeder in the woods with several other characters. After all, what good is a USB drive if it doesn't look like one of your favorite movie characters and can't be set it up in little dioramas?*

*No good.

Hit it for more pictures.

Continue Reading " Geekologie Exclusive: The Next Mimobot Star Wars Series 3 Character Is...(Drumroll, Please) "

Jul 8 2008 Money Can't Buy Classiness: A Gold Porsche

From our "Money Can't Buy Classiness" department here at Geekologie comes this gold covered Porsche. Some moron with more money than taste has added almost 40 lbs of gold to his 911 convertible. So now it's 40 pounds heavier, and 50% less cool. I swear, what is it with rich people's fascination with shiny things? It's ridiculous. You know what other demographic loves shiny objects? Babies. Coincidence? I think not.

Hit the jump for several close-ups of the gaudiness.

Continue Reading " Money Can't Buy Classiness: A Gold Porsche "

Jul 7 2008 Kinetic Ball Sculpture At The BMW Museum

Okay so I've been sitting here playing Bomberman on FireNES and pretending those sick, sick women were the enemies in the game. It wasn't working so I went outside and cut down one of my asshole neighbor's trees. Now I'm feeling a little better, but not much. I figured I'd try and post a nice soothing video to make up for that last one that undoubtedly left you permanently scarred.

This is a video of a kinetic ball sculpture in the recently reopened BMW museum in Munich. It has some elevator music playing in the background that'll either put you to sleep or make you want to kill those Star Wars murderers depending on how you feel about ultra-light jazz. Each of the sculpture's 714 metallic balls is held up by string and moves to create some pretty cool looking effects. The last fifteen seconds are the best though, when the balls come together to take the shape of a car. Way to go BMW. Now if you could just spend a little less time playing with your dangling marbles and a little more getting my driver's-side door to open, we'll be all set.

Hit the jump to see a picture of a car the sculpture sometimes makes.

Continue Reading " Kinetic Ball Sculpture At The BMW Museum "

Jul 7 2008 Devil Women Destroy Collectible Stormtrooper, Are Sick, Clearly Deserve The Death Penalty

What you are about to watch is wrong on every level. Some woman, pissed that her fiancé is in Vegas blowing money on gambling and strippers (a man's God-given right), decided to destroy his most prized possession -- a scout Stormtrooper figure. Needless to say these women are all f***ed in the head. The ringleader is even so dumb as to call the figure a "snowtrooper". Then they proceed to argue that Princess Leia looks like a dude and being obsessed with her is "sick". Clearly these women are delusional and should be locked up. The video is a pain to watch and I had to pause it several times and go outside to calm down. You'll never hate women and their sick ways more than after you watch this video. I just hope the dude remembered to bring home a little something special for his fiancé. Like a really cool VD.

Youtube

Thanks Punk Jr., but my wife knows better than to mess with my action figures. Don't you honey? Ha, no I'm not taking the tape off, just nod your head.

Jul 7 2008 Mirror Tic Tac Toe Uses Only Half The Pieces

Mirror Tic Tac Toe was made by Peleg Design (not to be confused with Pegleg Design). And since it's mirrored you only use half the X's and O's (which we will now refer to as V's and rainbows)! Pretty clever. Too bad adults don't play Tic Tac Toe and children would just eat or break the pieces. Otherwise I'd make one and then start manufacturing and selling them since I couldn't find a price online from Peleg. Hrrm....Anybody interested in purchasing an iMirror Tic Tac Toe board can contact me directly. Wholesale orders welcome, but not gladly, so don't except me to kiss your ass over the phone or anything.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.

Continue Reading " Mirror Tic Tac Toe Uses Only Half The Pieces "

Jul 7 2008 Back To The Future II Marty McFly Hyperdunks Coming Next Month, No Word On Hoverboard

In a move that makes Nike infinitely cooler in my eyes, the company had decided to release a model similar to those seen in Back to the Future II. Of course I'll never buy them, but at least they're trying. Unfortunately the Marty McFly Hyperdunks have laces and don't vacuum-fit to your feet. So the similarities basically end at looking kind of like the ones in the movie. They do sport "Flywire technology" though, which doesn't mean anything really except they're allegedly lightweight. Available late next month (July) for an undisclosed amount of future money, I'll most certainly be passing. The time machine is near completion so I'll just travel to the future and snag the real thing.

UPDATE: Just went for my first spin into the future.
Bad news: There are no cool shoes in the future, only killer robots.
Good news: I called it, pay up!

Hit the jump for the scene in the movie where Marty first puts the shoes on.

Continue Reading " Back To The Future II Marty McFly Hyperdunks Coming Next Month, No Word On Hoverboard "

Jul 7 2008 Toyota Prius May Get Solar Panel Treatment

Toyota already plans to roll out a plug-in version of the Prius in 2010, and now there are rumors of the company installing solar panels on upcoming models. The panels, if they do become a reality, won't power the engine, but rather the air conditioning, stereo, windows, television, coffee maker, massaging seat covers, etc. As you can see from the artist's rendition of the new Prius, Toyota will likely go with one large solar array protruding from the vehicle's roof. Kidding, I just made that in Photoshop. It does look good though, doesn't it? Strap a wind turbine on there somewhere and you've got a real green-machine. Say, that gives me an idea. Picture of new Solar-Wind Prius added after the jump. But don't worry Toyota, you can just pay for the idea in, well, euros. Lots of them.

Hit the jump for a picture of a Prius Toyota hasn't even thought of yet.

Continue Reading " Toyota Prius May Get Solar Panel Treatment "

Jul 7 2008 Not Bad: Game Cartridge Plays NES Games

I don't actually know what kind of hardware setup is packed into the cartridge, all I know is that it's a NES cartridge and it plays NES games. Which is all that matters to me. I don't care if there's a fairy trapped inside that makes it all happen. Good work modder, but now I wanna see a GameBoy cartridge that plays games. Because that, my friends, would be some nanodamntechnology. I swear, those cartridges were so tiny I was always losing them -- at least that's what I though at the time. Years later I found out my older sister was selling them to buy drugs.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures. Oh, and feel free to jump in if you've got any more info on the cartridge or if my sister sold you my Kid Icarus game -- I want that one back.

Continue Reading " Not Bad: Game Cartridge Plays NES Games "

Jul 7 2008 1-UP Mushroom Burgers Are Green, Spotted

If there's one thing I love it's video game inspired food items. So these Mario 1-UP burgers are right up my alley in my pie-hole. All you need to do is dye your bun tops green with food coloring, melt some mozzarella circles on top, and presto: nobody will touch your burgers. And you know why? That green ketchup that Heinz was trying to peddle back in 2000. Scared the hell out of kids. It's a known fact: kids hate vegetables and all things green. Well, until they hit high school and start experimenting with marijuana. Then green is cool.

Hit the jump if you really want to see what two dyed buns sitting on a granite countertop next to a bowl of green food coloring look like. Hint: think animal dung.

Continue Reading " 1-UP Mushroom Burgers Are Green, Spotted "

Jul 7 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Venetian Blind T-Shirts

The Venetian Blind t-shirt is a shirt that bares your beautifully tanned abs if you're a sexy woman or your pasty, hairy beergut if you're me. All with a simple pull of the string. Now I'm not sure if it goes all the way to the top or not, but it sucks pretty bad if it doesn't. Currently the shirt is only available in museum gift-shops, but fear not: it'll make its way to Spencer's and Hot Topic in no time. And if you ever catch me wearing one I want you to yank the string like you're playing tug-o-war. But not before wrapping it around my neck a few times.

Sexy Venetian Blind T-Shirt Bares Midriffs With the Pull of a String [gizmodo]

Thanks Keo, but I'm holding out for vertical blinds.

Jul 4 2008 Happy Fourth Of July, With Fireworks!

The intrepid Geekologie Writer here wishing you all a happy Fourth of July. I'm currently between drinking binges and figured I'd say hi and let you all know I was thinking of you. I also included a video up of one of my favorite past-times -- shooting fireworks at your friends. And, like every firework war I've ever had, this one goes horribly wrong. Oh, and a heads up -- there's some NSFW cussing in it. Now everybody get out there and have a great holiday weekend. But remember: safety first. Under no circumstances should you play with fireworks without an alcoholic beverage's supervision.

Happy fourth! Be safe and I'll see you bright and early on Monday.

Youtube

Jul 3 2008 Medical Manikin Is Pretty Freaking Disturbing

This is an old dude with really saggy tits and yellow wires hanging out of his arm. He comes with interchangeable two penis and vagina attachments and is used to train doctors how to play dress up with a plastic dummy. See, there's a wig and everything. Accessories include two bottles of everclear, a sports drink, and some syringes. If you want one of your own to get freaky with they're available for around $1,000. Also, if you want to play doctor I will play with you.

Medical Manikins Freak Us Out [gizmodo]

Jul 3 2008 Chinese Military Prepares For Olympics

So your good buddy The Geekologie Writer got what is known in the medical field as "f***ed the f*** up" last night because his wife made the mistake of going out of town for the holiday weekend. He hit wing night, drank like 300 beers, and then proceeded to sing "Ring Of Fire" at karaoke (he has a deep, sexy voice just like Cash). Good times. His hands are still shaking. Anyway, this is a picture of the Chinese military during a rapid deployment exercise in preparation for the upcoming Olympics. Because, let's face it, nothing says "I'm going for the gold!" like military personnel dry humping Segways.

BBC News

Thanks Guillaume, I did a Segway once, but it was nothing compared to a Hoveround.

Jul 3 2008 Robot Bartender Serves Beer, I Don't Tip

Mr. Asahi was made by Japanese based Asahi Breweries and serves beer before stealing your girlfriend and making out with her in the walk-in cooler. It took over 200 man-hours to build Mr. Robobeer and he's pretty much limited to opening bottles and pouring draft beer. Did I mention he talks? He talks. Now I'm torn here because for once in my life I'm strangely attracted to a robot, but I think it's only because he serves beer. I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Or, okay, my roommate and the arm of the sofa. Great, now he's drooling on me.

Hit the jump for a worthwhile video of Mr. Asahi in action.

Continue Reading " Robot Bartender Serves Beer, I Don't Tip "

Jul 2 2008 Sickly Modded Rolls-Royce Spotted In London

This is a $1,000,000 highly modded 1995 Rolls-Royce Silver Spirit MKIV recently spotted in London. It was customized by Indian firm DC Designs and is rumored to belong to the Sultan of Brunei's family. I guess it looks okay, and I like the way the doors open (see pictures after the jump), but you know what really gets me? The custom plate. Somebody please tell me CEXI means something in another language or counting system. Because as far as I know, it's a tacky misspelling of "SEXY" and makes you look like an idiot. This reminds me: there was a girl that went to my high school, Lexi, and when she turned 16 her parents got her a new car. And you know what custom plate she chose? "SXI LEXI". The best part was she was nowhere near sexy. She should have gone with "FUGLY LX". I mean she was bad. I'm talking possum ugly. Pogly.

Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of a car I'll never own.

Continue Reading " Sickly Modded Rolls-Royce Spotted In London "

Jul 2 2008 Telling Time With Colors: The Galaxy Watch

Well it's been a little while since we've posted some sweet time-telling gadgetry, so I figured now is as good a time as any to hit you with Tokyoflash's newest offering -- The Galaxy.

The cryptic looking display is deceptively easy to read; one touch of the upper button initiates a programmed animation of light, and then presents the time. Twelve yellow bars represent hours in a clock wise direction, eleven red bars represent groups of five minutes and four green bars show single minutes. Pressing the lower button presents the time immediately. No ordinary design, Galaxy has a modern look with futuristic style.

The Galaxy retails for ¥13,900 ($133, and free 5-day worldwide shipping) and is just the icebreaker you need to talk to that chick at the bar you've been wanting to. "Hey, wanna know the time?" "No." "But look at my watch, it's the awesome." "Oh my goodness, it is! Now do me on the pool table." Well that's the way it goes in my dream anyway. You know, the one where I wake up with a cue in my thing. You know, the around the corner thing. Back thingy. My ass, I'm talking about my ass.

Hit the jump for another picture. Oh, and I just got a couple Tokyoflash watches so expect reviews in the coming weeks -- complete with pictures of my hands and wicked scars!

Continue Reading " Telling Time With Colors: The Galaxy Watch "

Jul 2 2008 Using A Laser-Etch Machine To Brand Yourself

What you're looking at is a picture of a guy's hand. A guy who stuck said hand into a laser-etching machine and used it to brand a robot image into his skin. There are a bunch more laser-etch tattoos/brands after the jump if you're curious what burnt skin looks like, so check them out. There's also a video and link to the instructables detailing how the guys did it and what the experience was like. Which, to me, looks a little tamer than when I got branded with a heated coat hanger freshman year of college. My leg scabbed to the bedsheets when I passed out that night. Then I woke up the next day, developed an infection, slipped into delirium, and woke up two days later when my friends were taking me to the hospital. It was a crazy semester, but I still managed to pull out a solid 1.57 GPA. Skills: I've got tons. Brain cells: not so much.

Hit the jump for a VIDEO, more pictures and the links. And yes, it's a true story.

Continue Reading " Using A Laser-Etch Machine To Brand Yourself "

Jul 2 2008 Oh Great: Robot Can Learn To Use Tools

Wonderful, just wonderful. The UMass Mobile Manipulator, developed at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, can learn (by itself) how to use different tools (weapons).

UMan uses a regular webcam to look down at a table from above. By analyzing differences between adjacent pixels, it guesses where an object's edges might be found. Then it prods the object and, on the basis of how it moves, revises its estimate of the object's shape. It continues shoving the object around, observing how its parts move in relation to each other. UMan will push the object backward and forward along its width and length and at a 45-degree angle to both, if necessary, until it's satisfied that it understands how the object moves. Wherever the movement is restricted, the robot concludes that there's a joint. UMan then uses that information to figure out the best way to manipulate the object. It can also tell if there are multiple joints, and how those relate to each other.

Oh my God this is the exact opposite of awesome. I can see it now: some robot lopping my melon off with a pair of compound pruning shears. Great, this is just great. F*** you, UMass robot sympathizers.

Robot Learns To Use Tools [technologyreview]

Thanks Steve, Shawn and Jim, now I have to break everything in my toolbox.

Jul 2 2008 For The Plushie Trifecta: Plush Guts

First it was particle plushies, followed by microbe plushies, and now, for the win and trifecta, come plush guts. Each organ is about 6"-8" in size and run between $16-$20 (except for the limited edition heart of gold, that one will set you back $30). I personally just bought a backup liver and uterus but was disappointed to find they don't sell my favorite organ. You do know the one I'm talking about, don't you? The spleen, how can they not sell the spleen?

Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of different organs, including the coveted heart of gold.

Continue Reading " For The Plushie Trifecta: Plush Guts "

Jul 2 2008 Good Looking: Optimus 'Scrap Metal' Prime

Being a Transformer and all, we've seen Optimus Prime in a variety of different forms. And here comes another -- scrap metal. Optimus 'Scrap Metal' Prime is made entirely out of welded metal and makes for some serious eye/tetanus candy. Made by Robot-Models, this particular Optimus stands over 7-feet tall, weighs 550 pounds, and costs a whopping $6,896. If you like the style but can't afford to drop a few grand, they also have smaller models in the several hundred dollar range (pictures after the jump). But, being the Geekologist, I had to drop for the big daddy. It arrived yesterday, and guess what my wife had the nerve to ask -- "What in the hell is that piece of junk?" She should have known better. "He's not junk" I replied, "he's an early divorce present for myself."

Hit the jump for two more pictures of this model and a couple of the smaller ones.

Continue Reading " Good Looking: Optimus 'Scrap Metal' Prime "

Jul 2 2008 Best Light Bulb Commercial Ever

Hailing all the way from Thailand, this commercial was made for Sylvania by ad agency JEH United and has it all -- a picnicking family, ghosts, a guy who may or may not be a member of the Blue Man Group, and a transvestite. Advertising people, take note: this is how you sell freakin' products.

Youtube

Thanks Mikal, now I have to install floodlights in the bedroom.

Jul 2 2008 Kid Breaks Guitar Hero Record, Is 13

Danny Johnson is 13-years old that started playing Guitar Hero a scant 9 months ago. But that hasn't stopped him from putting my skills to shame and snagging the Guinness World Record for highest score on "Through The Fire and Flames". Danny scored 890,971 points in front of a live audience at the Guitar Hero 24 Hour Maraton in Dallas and has allegedly pushed past 950,000 points at home. Danny estimates he's played the song nearly 500 times since first starting the game.

Danny still plays "Guitar Hero" about three hours a day. And even though he holds the world record, he's trying to do even better on "Through the Fire and Flames," trying to beat his high score. That poses plenty of challenge for him -- if not some irritation.

"I do hate the song," he admits with some reluctance. "It gets annoying a lot."

Three hours a day, huh? I see your three hours Danny, and raise you two more. The record will be mine. Oh yes, the record will be mine. Okay, now's the part where I say something mean about a 13-year old to make myself feel better because I'm jealous that he's better than me. Look away if you still want to have any respect for The Geekologie Writer. You've been warned. Hey Danny, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the grand prize for the tournament wasn't a girlfriend, was it? Haha, BURN! Wait a minute, I don't have one either. Who's the asshole now, Danny? Yeah, still me.

Hit the jump for a video of the record-breaking performance (filmed on a freaking television), along with one that was made in the comfort of his own home in which he scores over 949,000.

Continue Reading " Kid Breaks Guitar Hero Record, Is 13 "

Jul 1 2008 HD Sunglasses Suprisingly Not High Definition

If there's one thing I've learned about fashion, it's this: I look damn good in women's jeans. Wait ,what? This is a glasses post? Ha, so it is. Well, just forget I said anything about shopping in the juniors section then. Carrying on. HD -- the new buzzterm to sell whatever the hell you want. In this case, sunglasses. So what benefits can one realize from a pair of $20 HD glasses? I'll tell you.

• HD Vision technology gives you clarity that you have never experienced.
• Enhance your vision.
• Just like High Definition TV.
• Modern European Style.

Yep, just like High Definition TV, folks. Older, tech-illeterate folks are busting a hip rushing to their land line to order even as you read this. There's a commercial for the glasses after the jump, and if you order now you get a patented HD visor clip to store the glasses in your car. Holy shit, an HD visor clip! Now that better stand for HanDy visor clip, otherwise I'm suing them for false imprisonment. Ha, did I just say imprisonment? I meant for being a bunch of misleading assholes. Poor old people.

Hit the jump for a worthwhile two minute commercial.

Continue Reading " HD Sunglasses Suprisingly Not High Definition "

Jul 1 2008 When Airplanes Get Hit By Lightning

Not much happens, as the metal shell of the plane acts as a hollow conductor, and the lightning just continues on its way to the ground.

But why doesn't the gigantic amount of current, which is in the neighborhood of 20,000 amps for a typical lightning bolt, harm the passengers inside the aircraft? Because the hull of the plane forms a Faraday cage! A Faraday cage is a hollow shell made of conducting material. A strong electric field outside the cage will force the charge in the material of the cage to redistribute itself, but the interior space inside the cage remains uncharged.

It's still neat to watch though. But that's not why I posted this. I posted this because how did the person filming know the plane was going to get hit by lightning? Here, I'll give you a hint -- sorcery.

An Electric Aviation Experience [popsci]
via
What Happens When Lightning Strikes Your Plane? [uberreview]

Jul 1 2008 Roll-A-Bout: Because WheelChairs Suck (Hoverounds And Rascals Are Still Legit)

Forget to pay your bookie? Girlfriend beat you in the leg for commenting on the delicious roundness of another woman's posterior? Or did you just slam your leg into the coffee table on the way to the bathroom one night? Whatever the case, the Roll-A-Bout is for you! The $600 - $740 device is made for people with lower leg injuries (one leg at a time, please) that think wheelchairs are for old people and want something a little bit more office chair race-y. The basket comes standard on the model, but the cup holder will set you back an additional $15. Of course, if you want to save some money you could just mod an office chair like a normal person. Just add a little scooter engine, cooler, some turn signals, a microwave, card table, bedpan, a few magazines, pillows, custom mini-rims, naked lady mudflaps, and presto: you still get pulled over doing 8 in a 35.

The Roll-A-Bout - A Questionable Alternative To Crutches Or A Wheelchair [ohgizmo]

Jul 1 2008 Plush Microbes Don't Make VD's Less Scary

After posting yesterday's Plush Particles I got several tips asking to post the microbe versions, so here they are. They've been around for a while so you may have seen them already, and if so let me know before I sleep with you because I don't want to catch any of them. Each of the microbes comes in a 5"-7" option for $8, or you can get a "petri dish" of three mini-ones for $13. There are a ton of different microbes available, not just VD's, and I posted a few more after the jump, along with a link to them all. Oh, and despite it's cute, sunflowery form, you still don't want herpes. Trust my ex-girlfriend.

Hit the jump for more.

Continue Reading " Plush Microbes Don't Make VD's Less Scary "

Jul 1 2008 Urban Lounge Gear: The SumoSac

From Sumo Lounge, the same company that brought us the Omni Chair, comes the SumoSac. I personally have one, and it's awesome. And I'm not just saying that because I want to get in good with the company so they'll send me that model's number, but I do think we'd make a good couple. Anyway, SumoSac review in three words: comfortable as hell.

I have the 6 foot model (top right, middle right), but they also come in 5 foot (top left, bottom right) and 4 foot models (bottom left). They'll run you $229, $199, and $179, respectively, and all come with free shipping.

An improved version of the beanbag chair, SumoSac is a more savvy, stylish & comfortable alternative. This product will never decompress & is truly the most comfortable chair in the world at 3ft. high & 6ft. wide covered in micro suede. Made with 100% shredded furniture grade urethane foam. Covers zip-off for machine washing.

They're really not lying about it being the most comfortable thing in the world. I've gamed in it, blogged in it, slept in it, passed out drunk in it, caught the pets curled up in it, gotten intimate with a lady-friend in it, and even hidden underneath it when my girlfriend came home while the aforementioned lady-friend was still there. Needless to say I pretended I was a big, soft-shelled turtle watching a catfight. Unfortunately, I couldn't operate the video camera with my flippers.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.

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Jul 1 2008 Valve Hacker Blows $20 Million With Stolen Credit Cards, Is Not The Brightest Criminal

A 20-year old hacker that goes by MaddoxX (not the best page in the universe guy) busted up in a third party Valve server and stole the credit card info of Steam Cyber Cafe users. Then he proceeded to "burn 13 million Euros playing poker online and shopping for notebooks, flat screens and MP3 players". Holy crap, this kid is either the worst poker player in the world or painted the walls of his apartment with flatscreens. And still, that'd have to be a huge freaking apartment. But then MaddoxX got real stupid about the whole thing and boasted about the hack in April of 2007 and posting a bunch of stuff about the feat, that led to his recent arrest.

MaddoxX then posted an archived file that included unverified credit card numbers, transaction amounts, Valve's supposed bank balance, and data that reportedly allowed the creation of counterfeit cyber cafe certificates.

In addition to the Valve caper, MaddoxX is being charged with hacking his way into an Activision server and subsequently downloading an unfinished version of Enemy Territory: Quake Wars. MaddoxX also stole 50,000 credit card numbers from an English ticketing website.

You just had to have that Quake Wars before everybody else, didn't you MaddoxX? Tssk, tssk. Seriously though, stealing from other gamers? That's just wrong. Robin Hood, MaddoxX, Robin Hood. It's "steal from the rich and give to the poor", not, "steal from the gamer and give to the Amazon". You greedy bastard.

Valve Hacker Caught by Dutch Police [shacknews]

Thanks Peter, now lets take turn sucker punching this guy in the nads.

Jul 1 2008 T3 Mobile Defender Rocks A Powerful Air Gun

Lamperd Less Lethal's T3 Mobile Defender wasn't inspired by T3:Rise of The Machines, but it does look like the bastard lovechild of a Segway and the Big Wheels I had growing up. But with one worthwhile difference -- a powerful air gun and holographic sight system. The aiming system was designed to ensure body shots only, as a headshot could, well, kill you. Lamperd plans to sell the goofy looking things to the Army at first, but law enforcement organizations will have them available soon after.

"An eyepiece shows a red target dot, and then transmits an image of the target to a monitor, which relays the information to the gun." According to creator Barry Lamperd, if the holographic sight is on target, you can't miss.

Can't miss, huh? That's a pretty bold statement. Because I've had my member resting on the urinal cake before and still missed. Just saying, the dude next to me got pissed.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, you know, if cops riding little standup trikes is your scene.

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Jul 1 2008 Paper Shampoo: Because Liquids Are Sketchy

The last time I tried to fly I woke up on the floor beside the bed. And the time before that airport security confiscated my juice box. Needless to say my hair was unkempt. So how can you get some shampoo on your next flight without a hassle? Simple -- Paper Shampoo.
Paper Shampoo comes in boxes of 30 sheets and costs $12.50 for two packages. They dissolve into a lather whenever you add water (including salt-water, which is awesome because I do the majority of my bathing at sea). Plus they're mint scented. And if there's one thing I've learned in my 40-odd years on this planet, it's this: mint-flavored hair is freaking delicious.

Paper Shampoo lets you travel with clean hair without being branded a terrorist [dvice]