Jun 12 2008Wrong, Just Plain Wrong: Goldfish Keychains

This is amusing as my parents live in Shanghai and saw an assortment of this keychains in a market in Pudong. Needless to say, I told them to break the vendor's nose for being such a monumental douche.

FIRST!
But seriously, the chinese government WILL ban this as it will make them look bad. [And that is not official 2008 olympics product]

sweet!!! all u need is a zippo and u got ur fresh fish rite there on the spot!!!!
but dem japs probably eat the fish just like dat...alive...and still wrapped in plastic hahhaa

"Jesus, if there's one thing I hate in the world it's animal abusers and pederasts."

That's two things.

You're right, the keychain does remind me of golf.

This is wrong and this is abuse of goldfish (note the letter "d" in goldfish). While goldfish are stupid fish and aren't even aware of their own existence, that doesn't mean that they should be allowed to slowly suffocate in a sealed plastic keychain. So I hope these don't last long...

Did I just show that I have a heart? There goes my reputation for being the cold, heartless slut. *sigh*

C'mon it's just a stupid fish! There are tons of them in the world, so show cares if a bunch die. It's not like it has feelings.

This'll be one of the few times I will agree with a PETA person: Thats just f***ing cruel.

buncha animal cruelty bastards....

If they could slip a Pet Boy into one of those keychains, I might consider it.

This, however--ick.

This certainly looks like the handy-work of Tom Frost. As geekologie guy noted, clearly whoever is behind this is a pederast, and Tom Frost is nothing if not that. Also, I am afraid that goldfish are just the beginning. It is obvious to me that Tom Frost intends to scale up this operation to make it possible for him to have a HUMAN BABY encased in a clear plastic tomb. An Angelina Joile has proven, babies in China can be obtained quite easily, making this the obvious choice for Tom Frost to set up his nefarious operation. We must band together and stop this sick f*** that is Tom Frost.

Besides the fact that this is just plain mean (I keep goldfish and love the little guys greatly), it's a shitty product. I mean, who wants a keychain that will have a dead fish in it in a couple of days? ...that is, if it the bag doesn't get punctured first.

Oh, and #3: I'm going to go ahead and hope, against all odds, that you understand that there's a difference between Japan and China...

Thing is, you'd achieve nothing by setting them free, since all goldfish are capable of doing is being cat'd. These things are only going to stay alive a few hours regardless of whether they're in a plastic bag or not.

It certainly looks cool but death by suffocation wouldn't be fun either no matter how dumb the lil critter. Besides, buy enough of those and your karma may start taking a few dinks :(

Assuming that there were actually such a thing as "Geekologie Operatives" in China, what would said Operatives actually be capable of? ---- perhaps throwing their coke-bottle-bottomed glasses at a Kung Fu proficient vendor?

Hold your breath Goldfish! Help is just around the corner (not).

Cry harder, faggot.

Bonsai kitten, anyone?

What the hell is the point of this? Now, I'm not a huge animal rights activist ( love meat way too much), but when I see something like this, I want to slap somebody in the face.

#3, if you are going to use a racial slur, please use the right one. This was in China, making them Chinks, not Japs. We wouldn't want to offent anyone.

;-;

This just makes me sad being a goldfish enthusiast myself. I'm not really one to harp about animal rights... but Christ, this is just a stupid idea in general.

[email protected]

You're a piece of shit, #16.

WTF ??
These Dog eater chinky are insane mother f$%kers!!!
what did that poor fish ever do to them ?
CHinky bastards!

I think @13 has a point!

Most all goldfish die soon after they are purchased anyway, so why not let them see the world while they last? It's better than staring at the same plant next to their bowl 24/7.

SG, LOL! Goldfish don't breath air my dear. They have what are known as gills which only work under water. I know you're getting mad at me now because the newbies might actually think you don't know that, ROFLOL!

poor little fishes.....

hey #22, Goldfish utilize their gills to breathe the oxygen in the water, and water gets it's oxygen from... THE AIR! There's only so much in that little pouch.

pwnt.

@ Marj (#12): I knew the second (after) I posted that I should have clarified that I knew Japan and China were not the same. I was just trying to draw an insane parallel.

For the record, I wouldn't truly want a pet boy on a keychain either. It would be very heavy to carry around and bad for the starter in my car. ;-)

Hey @24, I left that part out on purpose to further carry the spicy comedic tone of my post.

It's called sardonic humor... douchbag.

"pwnt" Cute, I thought it was "pwned" which is X gen for I don't know how to operate a keyboard so I'll start this idiotic trend that will catch on with all my sheeple pals.

NEXT!

Well, what do you expect from the Chinese? Typically Asian countries are very abusive towards animals. Sad story... but not surprising.

I think this post should be called:

"A FISH CALLED TIBET"

F-- a fish. I want a puppy-in-a-bubble keychain

Pif this has nothing on my midget on a key chain

But really wtf? Senseless violence even against a fish is wrong

Huggie Bear's platform-goldfish-shoes when he got out of prison were THE BOMB.

My goodness, Scott, you're in a mood. And yes, I understand the fact that fish do not "breathe" air as you and I do. However they do need air inorder to use their gills, as Kastin pointed out and totally pwned you with.

Are you upset, Scott, because I haven't made any sexual advances at you lately? Although with that kind of attitude, don't expect any soon. BTW, Kastin is my new favourite person (for now). So neener, neener.

I'm sad about the goldfish.

I more upset that we live in a world with #'s: 3, 7, 13, 16, 21, and 22 and again in 26. Seriously, the loss of a goldfish is far more tragic than say... if all of these douches were to be burned alive.

Also, the reason goldfish don't last long is because they are kept in horrid conditions by distributors and dealers. It's amazing they last as long as they do. I worked for a shop that sold "feeder" goldfish, and on a warm day, half of them would arrive dead and a bunch more would die in the next couple of days. Goldfish are actually very tough, but most animals don't survive shock and ammonia poisoning very well. If you buy the "Expensive" goldfish, they will live many years (assuming you are remotely competent in their care) because they are treated much better (due to cost) in the shipping/selling process.

@26
Sheeples is, alas, an idiotic trend as well.
PWNT.

Thank you Hojo.#33

Finally someone who knows WTF their taking about.

step one: Get a really big plastic bag.
step two: fill bag with water.
step three: put keyring manufacturer inside.
step four: seal bag.
step five: attach keys?
step six: ask myself whether this makes me just as bad as them (if not worse).
step seven: tell my conscience to bite me.
step eight: put bag in microwave, along with 2 min. popcorn
step nine: cook.
step ten: watch "Finding Nemo".

Sorry for all of those animal loving folks, but around here you can get 30 goldfish for 5 bucks to do whatever the f*** you want with them.

Believe in reincarnation, maybe their shitty experience as a goldfish will bring them to a somewhat less shitty existence as a geekologie blog poster.

#37: The irony of your last sentence is making me smile.

This is China, guys. The same people who outlawed Tibet's flag, force abortions on unmarried women at 9 months pregnant and are already known and announced by the U.N. to attempt to steal any American's laptop, cell phone, or other communicative data device at the 2008 olympics. They eat endangered animals like they were candy. You really think they give a rat's ass about a poor, defenseless goldfish?

I don't believe in what I'm reading. This is completely immoral

#36 LMFAO!!!

You rock!!

I think it's time to form a goldfish liberation front. We can think up the acronym/name later. Then afterwards we can go free Tibet.

(Gr... this makes me really angry.)

The Chinese are mostly peasants. They don't know any better. Just thank god their population is controlled.

SG, you know where your bread is buttered! Now, step back into line or there could be a spanking in order.

By the way, you know Mr. pwnt is a douchbag as well as I do. Although, @34 is a close second.

Leave it to new douchbags to even assume anything I say is serious.

I'm not the one that misunderstood third grade environmental science. And as long as we're making corrections, that's *douche bag, with the "e" and it's two words. And while I may be a douche nozzle, never would I admit to being a bag. That's for the hippie communists and PETA enthusiasts. Though I like your valor, sir, good show.

Off topic, did anyone see the video of the Chinese rounding up dogs, cats and (diseased) chickens and the prepping facility where they chop them up and put them into that hearty can of Campbell's soup imported into the states? I think that deserves more outrage than the poor li'l goldfish.

I resist you and your shenanigans, Scott.

And Kastin, I don't know anyone who actually "likes" the Chinese...well, aside from displaced communists who have no real home because of the fall of the Iron Curtain.

God damn Chinese!! They have zero respect for animal life. Ooh yeah. Except the panda. Yeah yeah...save them, but the rest...Into the wok!!
Ooh... endangered rhino... Too Effing bad (TFB)! We have need for the medicinal properties of horn. Endangered bengal tiger...TFB!! we need their gall bladder for virility tea. God damn they disgust me!

@45, I misunderstood nothing but it would seem my entire shtick has passed far over your head so I'm done explaining myself.

SG, you are resisting me? Whatever does that mean?

FLAME WARS! FLAME WARS!

.......how about fake fish instead

33.

And as a Chinese person here, I'd just like to say that yes, it's pretty f***ing cruel that such a product exists. But you're all assholes because you think it justifies being racist and ignorant.

Sorry, I meant to say 33 is right. If you buy fish from a shitty vendor, they're going to die pretty quickly anyways. It's not so much the bag as the way they were handled before.

Kim... I wouldn't take it too personally. Half of them couldn't find China on the map, and the other half are reading this and listening to their iPod (made in China) and eating Panda Express (not made in China). Of course I mean to direct this at those who judge the character of the entire nation based on the actions of a few. It's ridiculous to blame Chinese people for China's misdeeds. I certainly don't want to be blamed for the crap my government does. I would also like to point out the hypocrisy of criticizing China while using a computer that was 90 percent manufactured in China. In fact, the majority of every piece of electronics you own is made in China. Even if it's made in the *USA (substitute your country here), most of the components are made in china. If it weren't for Chinese manufacturing most of us couldn't afford to own a pocket radio, much less a computer.

how could you feed the fish???? the fish will just die inside the key chain..... :(

Tgis is exactly why I'm afraid of posts about China. Because no matter what the content of the post is, people will end up turning to racism.

Go get a f***ing brain, stupid yanks

55) ...so apparently racism is bad, but judging someone based on their nationality is ok?

china has the largest and fastest emerging middle class. So, yes, although there are plenty of peasants, it is also a country of billions - meaning there will soon be more middle class people in china than in north america.

and...sigh...i hope that it is children on this site and that it's not an advert for americans in general. having said that, you did elect, and then re elect that chop you have as a president. it's not looking good for you guys right now.

#'s 36 & 37: hahaha

So when writing this, I have actually not read all comments because I have shit to do and a few more articles to catch up on.

But riddle me this: What country sells glass eggs with an oxygenating plant AND a goldfish inside of it? (sealed glass egg, about twice the size of a regular egg).

The U.S. Perhaps there are other countries doing it, but I have seen them here. They're at many a dollar-stores. Now I can see, yes, this is a bit more cruel since there aren't any plants producing oxygen for the fish, but in actuality, there does come a time when the fish will die because of lack of food.

So all of you who are appalled and surprised...it's NOT the first time something like this has surfaced...true, it's the first time I personally have seen them in key chain form, but it's not new news.

#'s 36 & 37: hahaha

So when writing this, I have actually not read all comments because I have shit to do and a few more articles to catch up on.

But riddle me this: What country sells glass eggs with an oxygenating plant AND a goldfish inside of it? (sealed glass egg, about twice the size of a regular egg).

The U.S. Perhaps there are other countries doing it, but I have seen them here. They're at many a dollar-stores. Now I can see, yes, this is a bit more cruel since there aren't any plants producing oxygen for the fish, but in actuality, there does come a time when the fish will die because of lack of food.

So all of you who are appalled and surprised...it's NOT the first time something like this has surfaced...true, it's the first time I personally have seen them in key chain form, but it's not new news.

I work in Qingdao, someone at the train station offered to sell me one. Claimed it would live a month... ...as if..

Made me want to make a new sniper barrel for my rifle.

you know..... chinese are dirtys people! they dont care about anything but their own skin.
they kill and eat and spit and cum into food.
just nasty people, they really need to put a limit onto how many are aloud places cuz they tun everything into shit! make it cheaper ...f-up brand names!
you all know its true!
and im asian and see this

HOW DARE U CHINIESE PEOPLE DISABAY LTTLE FIFHES HOW WOULD U LIKE IT IF WE PUT U IN CRAPPY LITTLE PLASTIC BAGS AND SEALED U UP AND DONT USE THE PS3 OR WII AS UR EXCUSE!!!!!!
SO SHUV IT WHERE IT HURTS

Im sry, I hate to stereo type, but its always the friggin asians doing this shyt. It's total crap. They even have baby mice wine. They are all sickos

@53 Yeah thank God for forced, cheap labor huh? I am glad you enjoy utilizing someone's blood, sweat, and tears (literally).

Sure it is really sad that someone is doing this to gold fish, but the Chinese government is doing far worse things than this and forcing the Chinese people to do far worse than this. How many options do the Chinese people have to make money? Not a lot.

Well, at least those fish will be going to heaven after a few hours in that plastic thing. But for the manufacturers, ... burnin red n hot in HELL!!

As ridiculous as you can be sometimes (in a good way!), your respect for animals scores a lot of respect points with me. Thanks so much. :)

well has anyone ever thought about that maybe it's purpose wasn't to just leave the fish in the keychain?

it's also as simple as us getting fish in the fish store. it comes in a bag you know.

and by the picture. there's a little latch on the sides. i think that we could open the keychain and put it in a tank or wherever you like.

being a keychain doesn't necessarily mean that it has to stay in there. maybe it's just for the look.

its joke but im stonned and yet if i wasnt i would still want one anyway theres shit loads of them and they have farm of them so get over it but still good picks

I HATE animal abuse just imagine what that little fish felt like in there they probably wouldnt do that if that was them in there.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Melissa the 12 year old........

keep fighting against animal abuse(sadly i cant cause im under aged)

I really appreciate your help.Thank you very much!

I am against this idea, but if you people are going to get so upset about this, what about babies all over a America that are being aborted every day? If these fish deserve to live what about a human life? Just something to think about. I love and respect all life.

@22
Yes fish use water to breath. But that doesn't mean that they don't breath oxygen. Ever heard of oxygen deprivation? Better known as suffocation? It happens to fish too. The water they are breathing in that bag will slowly lose its oxygen content (which they need!!) and they will, indeed, suffocate. Do your research next time so you don't make a fool of yourself.