May 30 2008 UPDATE: Alien Video To Be Shown To Media Today, Now With Frame Grab From Video
You may have heard of Jeff Peckman, he's that lunatic in the picture (looking even spacier than the father of LSD) that's trying to get Denver to put together an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission to deal with alien encounters and the subsequent probings. Well now he's convinced he has video footage of a real-life alien that proves their existence. The video will be shown to the media today, but is not allowed to be filmed, as it's part of a documentary set for public release next month.
An instructor at the Colorado Film School in Denver scrutinized the video "very carefully" and determined it was authentic, Peckman said.Peckman, 54, said the video was among the reasons he was "compelled" to launch the proposed ballot initiative, which has generated news as far as South Africa.
"It shows an extraterrestrial's head popping up outside of a window at night, looking in the window, that's visible through an infrared camera," he said. The alien is about 4 feet tall and can be seen blinking, Peckman said earlier this month.
Way to try to sell some shitty alien documentary guys, but I'm not falling for it. Listen -- I know the easy thing to do when you wake up in the morning with a tender ass is to blame aliens, but sometimes you need to man up and admit there IS a possibility that you got too drunk and told your girlfriend to stick something up there. I'm just saying, it happens.
UPDATE: Frame grab picture that was handed out to the media added after the jump.
Continue Reading " UPDATE: Alien Video To Be Shown To Media Today, Now With Frame Grab From Video "
May 30 2008 Peeandgo, A Questionable Urinal For Women
The Peenandgo is a urinal for women. Because flowers and singing, moving clowns just don't cut it for chicks. The unit was designed by Chen-Karlsson and has a ball in it to prevent splashing or something. I thought it was pretty questionable, but I guess they're catching on because I heard they installed one in the women's room here at the office. I haven't seen it though. Oh, hold on, here comes The Superficial Writer.
Hey buddy, yeah I saw the Kim Kardashian post, way to put her in her place. I agree, totally butt pads. Seriously though, I can't believe she can even use a computer. Say, what you got there? A golden ball huh? You didn't happen to find that in the floor of the women's room did you? Nevermind what you were doing in there, just get it off my freaking desk. No, I don't want to buy from you. Or hold it. Dude I'm trying to post here, take the peeball back to your own cube.
One more picture after the jump in case you were wondering how the thing is used.
Continue Reading " Peeandgo, A Questionable Urinal For Women "
May 30 2008 Self Parking Car (No, Not That New Lexus)
This is a self-parallel parking car that engineering students at the University of Toledo built. It's pretty clever. I mean it's so simple that even women could conceivably parallel park. But I'm pretty sure my wife would still find a way to smash up every car around her, drive up on the curb, and back over someone's cat. And the best part? She'd have no idea.
UPDATE: Joking ladies, you know I love you all and think you're wonderful drivers. Truthfully, my wife has never damaged her car but I've driven it poles (telephone and yield sign) on two separate occasions. And the best part? I lied and told her someone must have backed into it in the grocery store parking lot.
Thanks Mike, now lets go play buck-a-curb
May 30 2008 Apocalypse Ride: Flame-Throwing Wheelchair
This is a flame-throwing wheelchair built out of a golf car and Marine rescue helicopter seat. It can do 20 MPH and shoot flames up to 15-feet. I need one. You know, for the zombie apocalypse. Unfortunately it's a one of a kind piece built by some guy that goes by Lord Humongous. Wait, huh? Lord Humongous? What in the hell kind of name is that?
Lord Humongous,
Your name is ridiculous. I formally challenge you to a dual. If I win, you must change your name. If you win, I get to bang a fair maiden.
Sincerely,
Gargantuan Dick Dragon
A couple more pictures of the vehicle after the jump.
Continue Reading " Apocalypse Ride: Flame-Throwing Wheelchair "
May 30 2008 Licensed Nintendo Themed Urban Clothing
Torrell LLC has recently released a line of Nintendo themed urban clothing for sale. It's expensive. I'm digging some of it, but freaking t-shirts are $50 and the jackets (like Bowser there) are $200. So it's too rich for my blood. Especially since I've been thinning it with alcohol since 10 this morning. And not with that sissy beer shit either, I've been mainlining the isopropyl. Gettin' mad f***ed up.
A bunch more pictures of different styles, a video, and a link to the online store with all the designs, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Licensed Nintendo Themed Urban Clothing "
May 30 2008 I Want This Boat -- The Wallypower 118
The $33 million Wallypower 118 is the boat of my dreams. Its 118 feet are powered by five engines -- 2 diesels for tooting around the marina, and 3 jet turbines, for pirating at over 70 MPH. At top speed it guzzles a liter of fuel per second, which limits the range of its 22 ton fuel tanks to 400 nautical miles (compared to 1,500 nm if you're just putting around with the diesels at 9 knots). I could go on and on about how I want to get one and pirate my life away, but instead I'll just say this: I take back all the mean things I said about the guy that has sex with cars, because I would totally do this boat.
A TON more pictures that you WILL look at because I spent a lot of time editing them (and there's one of a chick in a bikini from 50 miles away). Also, some videos.
May 30 2008 Battery Powered Robot Climbs Grand Canyon
The Evolta Robot is the mascot for Panasonic's new Evolta batteries. He's cute, has a wonky eye, and can climb.
The company says the new battery cell -- called Evolta, combining "evolution" and "voltage" -- can keep gadgets running 20 percent longer than offerings from rivals Duracell and Energizer.
Guinness World Records certified Evolta as "the longest-lasting AA alkaline battery cell," based on testing under guidelines set by the industry's International Electrotechnical Commission this year.
To prove the long-lastingness of his batteries, the 5-ounce, 7-inch robot climbed a rope dangling in the Grand Canyon for as long as he could. When his batteries finally crapped out, he had climbed 1,740 feet over the span of 6 hours, 46 minutes. I watched the whole thing and I've gotta say -- it was f***ing boring.
Battery-Powered Robot Climbs Rope for 7 Hours in Grand Canyon, Sets Guinness World Record [foxnews]
Thanks Shawn and Dan, now one of you yank his batteries, I'm not going anywhere near that deceptively cute deathbot
May 30 2008 Freaked Out And Pissed Off: Uncontacted Amazon Tribe Photographed From Aircraft
From The Gods Must Be Crazy 3 department come these photos of a rare uncontacted Amazon Indian tribe. As you can see, they're none too happy about the flying apparatus that's come to kill them all.
The photographs of the tribe near the border between Brazil and Peru are rare evidence that such groups exist. A Brazilian official involved in the expedition said many of them are in increasing danger from illegal logging.
Of more than 100 uncontacted tribes worldwide, more than half live in either Brazil or Peru, Survival International says. It says all are in grave danger of being forced off their land, killed and ravaged by new diseases.
Now was it really necessary to scare the everliving shit out of the tribe by buzzing their village? Couldn't we have gotten some satellite images or something? This just seems wrong. Now they probably think their gods are mad at them or something. Shit, I'm gonna have to head down there and straighten things out aren't I?
UPDATE: poison-arrowed in the face...fading fast...tell my wife I love her and have one last request...to burn the shoebox in the bottom of my closet -- under no circumstances should she open it...afterwards tell her I've always hated her and she burnt her inheritance.
A couple more pictures of the pissed off tribe after the jump.
Continue Reading " Freaked Out And Pissed Off: Uncontacted Amazon Tribe Photographed From Aircraft "
May 29 2008 Goofy Suit Is Actually A Musical Instrument
The Pacer Suit is a musical instrument that looks like a goofy spacesuit (because that's what it is) that I would never, ever wear -- not even if I lost a bet (I'd just renege and let them beat me up or cut my fingers off).
The Pacer suit receives electro impulses that appear when muscles are activated (movement), amplifies them and turns them into sound with the help of the sensors attached to muscles. Each impulse is goes through the sensors via amplifiers (boxes on the back) to control panel where we can control volume, type of sound, select rhythm to follow...With this suit it is possible to produce harmonious rhythm and melody by dancing. These sounds can be heard through headphones connected to the control panel (box on the front) or through the speakers connected to the control panel by infrared rays.
That's pretty neat. I bet it sounds awesome too. And by awesome I mean worse than my girlfriend's incessant blathering about how much she hates her coworkers. Speaking of which, she just pulled up. Later folks -- I'm diving out a window and running to the bar.
UPDATE: Greetings from the ICU! We live in a third story apartment.
A couple more pictures of the components after the jump.
Continue Reading " Goofy Suit Is Actually A Musical Instrument "
May 29 2008 People Claming Wi-Fi Allergies in New Mexico
A group of wackjobs in New Mexico are claiming they have allergic reactions to Wi-Fi signals.
"I get chest pain and it doesn't go away right away," alleged Wi-Fi allergy sufferer Arthur Firstenberg told KOB-TV.
The Santa Fe city attorney is checking to see if the Wi-Fi signals could be considered a form of discrimination, KOB reports.
Freaking wow. Before you waste any more time Mr. or Mrs. Santa Fe city attorney, let me tell you -- Wi-Fi signals aren't a form of discrimination. And neither is me kicking Arthur Firstenberg in the nuts and telling him to stop drinking the Fire hot-sauce packets from Taco Bell.
New Mexico Wi-Fi 'Allergy' Sufferers Want Wireless Ban [foxnews]
Thanks Neal, are you any closer to New Mexico than I am? I mean I'll still go out there if I have to, I was just hoping you could save me a trip.
May 29 2008 George Lucas Wearing 'Han Shot First' Shirt
We all know Han Solo blasted Greedo first (wiki link) and it was a travesty when they changed it in the re-release. And we also know Han was the first to blast Carrie Fisher. So what's up with the shirt? Per my tipster, Jon:
Great, now that we all agree George, give me my freaking cleaned up version of the original trilogy on DVD and Blu-Ray you Ewok/Jar-Jar/CGI loving asshole!
Thanks Jon, now settle down lest us Star Warriors catch the same bad rap as those crazy raging Trekkies.
Scene Stealer [latimes]
May 29 2008 DIY: Make Your Own Ultrasonic Batgoggles
Ever wanted to be a bat boy? Me too, but the local minor league team said I couldn't because of my club foot. So I'm going to have to settle for making my own ultrasonic batgoggles (not to be confused with lobster-vision).
What you see above is a homegrown device that enables humans to discover how bats must feel when using echolocation in order to judge how far away certain objects are. The main components are an Arduino microcontroller clone, Devantech ultrasonic sensor and a set of welding goggles.
Basically you can't see anything because of the welding goggles and the ultrasonic sensor controls audio feedback to let you know how far away something in your line of sight is (fast beeps for something close, slower for further away).
Awesome, I just built a pair and am about to give them a go. Oh wait:
Please do not wear these in hazardous environments or in traffic! These goggles are for educational purposes only and meant for controlled environments since they are intended to block your peripheral vision and regular vision so you are more reliant on auditory cues.
Ha, there's never any traffic on my street -- time to take these suckers for a spin in my girlfriend's car!
UPDATE: In retrospect they would have worked better had I busted out the windshield. Seriously though, I think a Buick is just what the neighbor's kitchen needed.
Video of the goggles in action and a link to the instructables page, after the jump.
Continue Reading " DIY: Make Your Own Ultrasonic Batgoggles "
May 29 2008 Man Admits To Having Sexual Relations With Over 1,000 Vehicles. This Just In: I Vow To Never Rent A Car Again
Edward Smith has sex with cars and doesn't care if you think he's a demented perv (which he totally is).
The 57-year-old Washington state native first had sex with a car at age 15, and says he has never been sexually attracted to people, female or male. And he feels no need to change. His current flame is a Volkswagen Beetle that's he's named Vanilla, and considering a typical woman's reaction to Smith's spreading himself around, she's very low maintenance (not counting trips to the mechanic or pricey imported auto parts).
Smith says his fetish took root when he was a teenager. "When I was 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it." He continued, "There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until nighttime, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them."
Wow, it doesn't get much worse than that.
Despite his passion for his four-wheeled friends, Smith has occasionally strayed. His most intense sexual experience ever, he says, was with a helicopter. It totally chopped his nob off.
Holy shit, it did get much worse!
Read the whole article for more ridiculousness.
Man who's had sex with 1000 cars gives new meaning to auto-erotic [nydailynews]
Thanks Jaden, I'll never look at my Neon the same again
May 29 2008 Huge Piñata Shaped Like A Monster Derrière
Remember when you went to your friend's birthday party in kindergarten and he ended up hitting you in the eye with a huge wooden dowel because he had no idea where the piñata was? And then you yanked the thing out of his hands and beat him in the head with it until his parents pulled you off and asked you to leave? That was awesome. Especially how you pushed his cake off the table and grabbed a couple presents (Voltron, baby!) on your way out. Good times. Well now you can get three and a half foot "Big Ass" piñatas on eBay for a paltry $50. I pay $15 for the little treasure chest ones I get at the local party store (and they're freaking small). Just imagine all the crap (!) you could stuff in this thing! Tons! After all, nothing says, "We'll miss you aunt Phyllis", better than cracking open a piñata stuffed with airplane bottles at her funeral.
Thanks Mulva, come on over and we'll tear that piñata a new one
May 29 2008 'Flavor Tripping' Is Not What I Thought It Was
'Flavor tripping' revolves around the "miracle fruit" (Synsepalum dulcificum), a little red berry that, after eaten, changes the perceived taste of things eaten afterwards. "The cause of the reaction is a protein called miraculin, which binds with the taste buds and acts as a sweetness inducer when it comes in contact with acids." Neato. People are even starting to throw 'flavor tripping parties'.
Carrie Dashow dropped a large dollop of lemon sorbet into a glass of Guinness, stirred, drank and proclaimed that it tasted like a "chocolate shake."
Nearby, Yuka Yoneda tilted her head back as her boyfriend, Albert Yuen, drizzled Tabasco sauce onto her tongue. She swallowed and considered the flavor: "Doughnut glaze, hot doughnut glaze!"In a corner, The Geekologie Writer was licking bird shit off the window sill. After deliberation he concluded, "Bird shit, this tastes like bird shit -- now somebody give me a berry."
You can get about 30 berries for $90. Read the whole article for a lot more information if you're interested.
A Tiny Fruit That Tricks the Tongue [nytimes]
Thanks to James, one of the coolest people on the planet
May 29 2008 Like I Really Needed Any More Proof: Foolish Scientists Teach Monkeys To Control Robots With Their Minds, AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
If there's one thing I hate in the world it's robots. And that hate is only trumped by cute little monkeys in laboratories controlling robots with their brains. F'ing a. So yeah, a bunch of scientists that deserve to have their diplomas and lab jackets revoked have taught some monkeys to feed themselves using robotic arms using only their brains. Because this is supposed to help us in one way or another.
The animals were able to feed themselves using prosthetic arms, which were controlled by brain activity.
Small probes, the width of a human hair, were inserted into the monkeys' primary motor cortex - the region of the brain that controls movement."The more we understand about the brain, the better we'll be able to treat a wide range of brain disorders, everything from Parkinson's disease and paralysis to, eventually, Alzheimer's disease and perhaps even mental illness."
I call shenanigans. These scientists don't give two flying monkey shits about curing disease. The sick bastards are building a primate-controlled robot army to kill us all. Now let's go smash up their lab and free those poor little monkeys. Who's with me? Come on, it'll be fun. We'll get drunk as shit on the ride back and make the monkeys drive.
Video of the poor little guy in action after the jump.
May 28 2008 Baaad Idea: Robot With Supergun Attached
iRobot, best known for selling Roombas (the vacuuming robots) and Loojes, (the ass-cleaning robots) has partnered with Metal Storm (the purveyor of 1,000,000 round/minute superguns) to create a robot that just made me destroy the back of my pants. The 250 pound vehicle is allegedly going to be used for non-lethal purposes, but we'll see what happens when the thing goes rogue.
Metal Storm's 40mm weapons mount can deliver both high-explosive and less-lethal rounds. Which makes it perfect for everything from urban assaults to "border patrol" to "infrastructure protection" to "crowd control."
Okay, so I take it infrastructure protection isn't getting your house's foundation sprayed for termites. I swear, you learn something new every day. Like today I learned if my wife's dog gets really excited when a stranger comes to the door she's likely to shit on the floor. Knowledge: it's not just in books, sometimes you step in it.
Robot + Supergun = 'Crowd Control' [wired]
Thanks Kyle, so how exactly do we destroy these things?
May 28 2008 Steampunk USB Drive Looks Pretty, Shiny
This is a steampunkified USB drive that comes to us all the way from Russia. As you can see it's got all the typical steampunk necessities, namely brass and copper. No actual steam though, that would be ridiculous (and dangerous to carry around in your pocket). Say, have I ever told you the one about the time my girlfriend "steampunked" the computer for my birthday? Yep, she actually steamcleaned all the components. You know, because she's an idiot. Despite her incredible ignorance and the monumental loss of porn, I did appreciate the gesture. Just kidding, I let her pay for my birthday dinner and then broke up and slept with her roommate.
A couple more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Steampunk USB Drive Looks Pretty, Shiny "
May 28 2008 WTF Was That?: Cellphone In Microwave
This is a video of a cellphone in a microwave. If you're going to watch it, watch it before you read past this sentence. You didn't listen did you? You're just going to keep reading without watching the damn movie. Fine, but the spoiler is coming right after this colon : cell phones turn into scary ass snarling faces in the microwave. Who'd have thought? Not me. I just thought there'd be some sparking, maybe some smoke, and then a flying unicorn would shoot out or something. But not a scary face. Which leads us to a very important question -- how the hell are you supposed to cook a Hot Pocket without that bastard eating it?
Youtube (you have to be logged in to watch it)
Thanks Bailey, I didn't see that coming.
May 28 2008 Ace Of Cakes Show Makes Star Trek Cake, Trekkie Rage (And Some Hilarity) Ensues
So those crazy fonadanters on the Food Network's Ace of Cakes recently made a Star Trek cake and posted pictures of it on Trekmovie.com. But some Trekkies weren't happy with the result.
6. sean - May 25, 2008 THIS IS A DISASTER I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY PUT SCOTTY IN THE NAVIGATOR'S POSITION I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE ARE SO CLUELESS ABOUT THE BASICS OF STAR TREK THIS IS A DISASTER
12. Sean - May 25, 2008
lol #6 has a point. Scotty and Uhura are not in the right spots and Chekov is nowhere to be found. Even before Chekov came onto the show Scotty didn't sit there.
18. Navigator NCC 2120 USS Entente - May 25, 2008
Actually Sean, Scotty DID sit at the Navigator's Station on the bridge at the end of the second pilot "Where No Man Has Gone Before" because Navigator Gary Mitchel was dead. There is a picture of it at http://www.trekcore.com. I tried to post the link to the picture but it did not work.
Finally, the voice of reason stepped in.
38. Gary Seven of Nine - May 26, 2008Sean:
"Have you ever kissed a girl??!?!?!?!?!"
It's an F-in cake. Turn-off your caps lock and and stop making trekkers look like such OCD losers.
Good burn with your lightsaber there, Gary Seven of Nine. Oh shit, lightsabers are from Star Wars and not Star Trek aren't they? God how embarrassing. Seriously though, I've always loved Star Trek -- especially the spaceship, Discovery One.
A couple more pictures of the cake after the jump. And for the love of God please don't email me about the Discovery One being the ship from 2001: A Space Odyssey, I know that.
Continue Reading " Ace Of Cakes Show Makes Star Trek Cake, Trekkie Rage (And Some Hilarity) Ensues "
May 28 2008 Help Guy Beat Guitar Hero 3, Earn Money
Well it's no Princess Zelda or vagina couch, but some guy named Jon that lives in the St. Louis Park area recently posted on his area's Craigslist looking for some help beating Guitar Hero 3.
I need help beating Raining Blood on Hard, and the last 2 sets on Expert starting with 3's and 7's.
If you could come over either Thursday night or Saturday afternoon I'd pay you to beat them for me. I'll give you an extra 5$ to beat Fire and Flames on Expert.Let me know. I'm going to throw guitar through tv shortly if I don't get these beat. Thanks, Jon
So that's a whole $25 you could earn just by helping poor Jon beat some songs. Anybody in the area that can take him up on his offer? If so I want a kickback. And to find out if this is really a personal ad in disguise.
I need help with Guitar Hero 3 - $20 (St Louis Park) [craigslist]
Thanks to Kyle, who has no need for personal ads because his advertises itself
May 28 2008 Space Station's $19 Million Toilet Is Broken
Well folks, the 7-year old, $19 million shitter aboard the International Space Station is acting up. Although truthfully they've only had problems with the urine collection system. The solid waste part is still holding it down (thankfully), but there's no telling for how long. And I thought the plumber that charged me $60 an hour to fish out a couple G.I. Joe figures my son flushed down the john was highway robbery. This thing probably requires a $1 million/hour plumber. NASA is currently considering the best course of action, and the astronauts are currently considering getting the f*** back to earth.
Space station's toilet begins to fail, panic sinking in [engadget]
Thanks to Shawn, who uses a Gatorade bottle like a real man
May 28 2008 'Perfect Woman' Robot Is Far From Perfect
Remember Aiko, the life-like wheelchair-bound robot woman that slapped you if you tried to touch her boobs? Yeah, that was wrong on every level possible. Well here comes another robot companion for men -- Lisa, the Perfect Woman. She can allegedly cook dinner and I really hope this is fake.
We created a technology called RKS, "Recognition Krax System", which allows for vocal, tactile and visual recognition. Lisa is able to recognize objects and persons and she can even differentiate between roses and tulips for example.
...everything started with a book called Love + Sex with Robots: the Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships by David Levy. I had always thought that one day technology would allow us to create a robot that would be able to perfectly imitate human behaviour. With Lisa we succeeded.
Well I've heard enough. Seriously, sex with robots is just wrong, period. Call me crazy, but what in the hell's the matter with good old fashioned analog sex with an inflatable sheep?
Another MUST MUST SEE video about a guy that allegedly fell in love with one of these, after the jump. Note: They block out his face and make him sound like he sucked down a helium tank so he can't be identified and ridiculed. And no, it's not me, I swear*.
*On the robotic life of my beloved Lisa.
UPDATE: As I had hoped this is strongly believed to be a hoax and an actual real-life woman. But I humped her anyway and she did start smoking out one of her ears. So what conclusion can we draw from this? I clearly have no idea where a woman's vagina is located.
Continue Reading " 'Perfect Woman' Robot Is Far From Perfect "
May 28 2008 Bubble Man Bedroom From Mega Man 2
This is the bedroom of a Mega Man fanboy who painted it look like Bubble Man's level from Mega Man 2.
This is what the bedroom of my old apartment looked like. Three months of measuring, stenciling, painting, and retouching well spent!
The guy that did it also does covers of Mega Man songs, so you can go to his myspace music page here if that's your scene. If that's not your scene we could always just hang out in the food court at the mall and make fun of people. Now don't get me wrong -- I love Mega Man just as much as the next kid who grew up in the 80's and whose parents used the NES as a babysitter, but this just isn't for me. Zelda bedroom, sure. But I think we can all agree a Zelda themed room would be the baddest ass thing ever, and wouldn't handicap your chances of scoring with the ladies. This one probably does. Dude must have a member the size of an RV.
Hit the jump for a few more pictures, including night mode.
May 27 2008 A Shocking Jacket For Personal Protection
Forget tasers ladies, the No-Contact Jacket is where it's at.
The No-Contact Jacket is a wearable defensive jacket created to aid women in their struggle for protection from violence. When activated by the wearer, 80,000 volts of low amperage electric current pulses just below the surface shell of the entire jacket. This exo-electric armor prevents any person from unauthorized contact with the wearer's body.
Pretty freaking sweet. The little blue things you see in the picture up near the lady's neck is actually arcing current. Man that's awesome. I'm getting one for my girlfriend, I'll let you know how she likes it.
UPDATE: She liked it a lot until she wiped her nose on the sleeve. Now she's on the kitchen floor with smoke coming out of her eyes.
Several more pictures, including a close-up of the arcing accent, and a link to two videos, after the jump.
Continue Reading " A Shocking Jacket For Personal Protection "
May 27 2008 Solar-Powered Speedboat Looks Good To Me
This is allegedly the world's first solar-powered speedboat, the Dutch-built Czeers MK1. The 33-foot aquatic transportation device is capable of doing about 30 knots (~35 MPH) and is powered entirely from energy generated from its 14 square meters of photovoltaic cells. No word on cost, but who cares, I definitely couldn't afford one (if you think you could though we should be totally be friends). So, you think it'll make an appearance in the next Bond flick? I sure hope not -- I'd hate to see it destroyed in one way or another. But what I wouldn't hate to see is the return of Pussy Galore. Unless they insisted on using the original actress from Goldfinger (Honor Blackman, 82). If I saw Bond hitting that in the theater I'd gouge my eyes out with the straw from a $6 soda. Actually, forget about Galore, they should just try to get her granddaughter, Snatch Abunch.
A bunch of close-ups of the boat after the jump.
UPDATE: Horrible quality video with an allegedly awesome soundtrack added.
Continue Reading " Solar-Powered Speedboat Looks Good To Me "
May 27 2008 My Hand Is Red!: Make Things Glow Different Colors With A Handheld Thermal Imager
The $7,500 Thermal Imaging Camera from Fluke combines "both a visible light digital image with an infrared one, producing a single view that lets you get an immediate visual temperature may of whatever you aim it at." It was designed primarily for an industrial work environment, and if it was priced $7,400 cheaper I'd consider getting one. But not because I work in a factory, because I don't. No, I've heard these things are great for ghost hunting. It's a fact that ghosts are colder than the air surrounding them and try to grope me in my sleep.
Another picture of some guy (which may or may not be Mike Rowe, the object of my nonsexual man-crush) using the thing, after the jump.
May 27 2008 How Not To Sell Car Stereos At Best Buy
This is the car stereo salesman at Best Buy doing his best to pawn a new car stereo off on some chicks. Okay, so there's no real sale going on. The girls just start dancing to some song on one of the radios, and dude decides to show them what he's made of (spoiler: he's made entirely out of awesome freaking dance moves).
Best Buy's Salesmen Will Do Anything To Close A Deal [gizmodo]
May 27 2008 Finger-Regrowing 'Pixie Dust' Is At It Again
Remember the story we posted about the man who regrew the tip of his finger after having it cut off in a model airplane propeller? Yeah, that guy totally shouldn't have been allowed to work in a hobby store. Well now the infamous "pixie dust" is being used again -- this time in an attempt to regrow a soldier's finger that was lost in a bomb attack.
A key to the research dedicated to regrowing fingers and other body parts is a powder, nicknamed "pixie dust" by some of the people at Brooke Army Medical Center. It's made from tissue extracted from pigs.The surgery is part of a major new medical study of "regenerative medicine" being pursued by the Pentagon and several of the nation's top medical facilities, including the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and the Cleveland Clinic. So far nearly $250 million has been dedicated to the research.
Awesome. I guess the only remaining question I have about this treatment is this: How ethical is it to cut off you junx and hope to regrow a bigger one?
Salamander-inspired therapy may aid injured vets [cnn]
Go here if you want to watch a graphic video about the procedure.
Thanks Patrick, lets steal Tinkerbell's fairy dust so we can fly
May 27 2008 Touchscreen Turntables Require No Records
Let's face it: records are round and made of vinyl. The ATTIGO: TT is the brainchild of Dundee University student Scott Hobbs and is basically two digital turntables (with waveforms displayed) that allows DJ's to "loop, sample and scratch wave forms just as you would a record." Scott is currently looking for manufacturers interested in producing the ATTIGO, and I'm currently looking for a new girlfriend interested in producing beautiful music. But just with me -- not my roommate and the Fed-Ex guy while I'm busy mowing the yard. I HATE YOU JANET! YOU'RE LOOSE AND NOW EVERYONE ON GEEKOLOGIE KNOWS IT.
UPDATE: YOU DIRTY STRUMPET!
UPDATE: Okay, we're back together. But I'm leaving this up because I know she's gonna end up banging the dude that works the aquarium section at the local pet store. I've seen the way they flirt around the cichlids.
UPDATE: Wow, the reptile guy too. Didn't see that coming. Nice touch you skank.
A worthwhile VIDEO of the unit in action after the jump.
Continue Reading " Touchscreen Turntables Require No Records "
May 27 2008 Unacceptable: This Freaking Keyboard
Wow, and I thought my roommate's Cheeto and pube keyboard was bad. He's got nothing on this guy. It looks like he's trying to burn his house down. Hrrm, let's dive deeper into the mind of the psychopath behind this epic grossness by analyzing the picture.
Evidence: He likes smoking. A lot. And Lucky Strikes too. He often forgets about his burning cigarettes and/or passes out at the desk.
Analysis: Heroin addict.
Evidence: Package of Pepcid Duo.
Analysis: Suffers from heartburn.
Evidence: Two uneaten baked potatoes, still wrapped in aluminum foil.
Analysis: Likes sour cream.
Evidence: Bottle of Gordon's gin just out of frame on the far right.
Analysis: Wait a minute -- that's my keyboard! Damn I have womanly hands.
Yummy! [geekarmy]
Thanks Shawn, you can have one of the potatoes if you want
May 27 2008 Epic Failure: Skydiving Record Attempt
Well folks, I miraculously survived three days of trying to kill myself with the drink (one more miracle and I'm eligible for sainthood). So here I am -- unrested, unshaven, generally unkempt, and ready to post. I hope you all had a good holiday weekend, it's great to see all your bright and shining faces this morning -- I missed you.
So on Sunday 64-year old Michael Fournier was set to break several world records and provide valuable data on what sort of impact damage a dead body can do to the earth with a skydiving jump from 40,000 meters (~25 miles).
Mr. Fournier was hoping to break the record for the fastest and longest free fall, the highest parachute jump and the highest balloon flight. He was planning to jump from a point three-times higher than a commercial jetliner flies. Mr Fournier was to wear a pressurized suit to protect him from the extreme low pressure and temperatures down to -100C. Sophisticated camera equipment was supposed to record key moments of the jump, particularly when he broke the sound barrier at 35,000m.
That's right folks, that crazy mother was gonna reach speeds around 1,000 MPH and break the damn sound barrier! That's one tough grandpa. Mine doesn't do shit but drink gin and sit on the porch carving wooden vaginas. So why didn't he end up making the jump? Was it the weather, a fear of death, or a problem with the pressurized suit? Nope, they forgot to properly attach the freaking balloon to his capsule.
...his helium balloon detached from its capsule as it was being inflated, and drifted away into the sky.
God that's freaking pathetic. Now I've gotten high and tried to beat world records before (namely the number of deviled eggs eaten in two minutes), but never have I failed as epically as that (unless projectile vomiting deviled eggs counts, which it doesn't). So what can we all learn from this? That Fournier's loose balloon (lower right) looks like a giant floating prophylactic. And I think we can all agree that's a valuable life lesson.
Jump record fails to take flight [bbcnews]
May 23 2008 Telectroscope Connects New York & London
The Telectroscope was built by artist/inventor Paul St. George and connects New York and London via a massive tunnel you can look through and see out the other end.
"The Telectroscope started off as a totally unintentional hoax in the 1870s," explains St George, who is the leading expert on this forgotten backwater of Victorian technology. "It came about through an error. A French editor misread a report about the invention of a thing called the Electroscope - which is all to do with static electricity - and called it a Telectroscope. He also misinterpreted its purpose. "The fascinating thing is that his misunderstanding of what it did - to communicate face to face over a vast distance - really caught fire.
Needless to say there is no such massive tunnel. The end portals were just made to look like they're heading through the earth. In actuality, they're connected via "fiber optic cabling, and an HD camera and projector on either end provide live streaming video. But who really cares, you can still look in one end of this device in New York and see out the other in London. You'll find one end next to the Brooklyn Bridge, and the other across the pond, next to Tower Bridge."
I've got to admit, it's a pretty neat art piece. I could get my girlfriend to stand on one end in England and show me her boobs, and then I could stand on the New York end with all my friends and make fun of how small they are.
So yeah, HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND EVERYONE! Have fun and be safe. But not too safe (the firework war is still a go).
A couple more pictures of the thing after the jump.
Continue Reading " Telectroscope Connects New York & London "
May 23 2008 Awesomeness!: Weezer's New Music Video Features A Bunch Of Youtube All-Stars!
Weezer's "Pork and Beans" music video is freaking awesome. It's got a bunch of Youtube stars in it that they got together to shoot the video. Just watch it. Like right now, at work. Crank the volume up, break the knob off, and sing along like a freaking maniac (extra points if you take your shirt off or whip your thing out). When your boss comes knocking tell him The Geekologie Writer told you to do it and that if he wants to contact me he's gonna have to use the email tip line. I don't need that asshole calling and interrupting Drunkfest: Memorial Day Weekend Edition.
Thanks James, that video made my day, come over and we'll grill out and drink beers
May 23 2008 Wack: Yamaha's New Motorcycle Concept
When you think of motorcycles what's the first thing that comes to mind? Exactly, that they should be wearable. Well finally designer Jake Loniak has created the Yamaha Deus Ex Machina (Latin for Ass Machine). The bike is "an electric, single passenger, vertically parking, wearable motorcycle, and the bike would theoretically be controlled via 36 pneumatic muscles and 2 linear actuators." The thing would allegedly be capable of hitting 0-60 MPH in three seconds and 60-0 in the side of a bus. Anybody else think Jake modeled this thing after those scary-ass Wheelers in Return To Oz? I bet he did. And speaking of scary things in movies -- what do you call a kid that cries and pees himself in the theater because his dad took him to an R-rated horror flick when he was 7? A giant pussy and no son of mine! Get it? Because that's what my dad said before he emptied my Skittles onto the floor and made me walk home.
A couple more pictures and a video of the Wheelers after the jump, in case you didn't know what the hell I was talking about.
May 23 2008 First Person Perspective: R/C Car Comes With Camera And Dorky Looking Goggles
The VTS (Vision Tracking System) R/C car is probably the awesomest R/C vehicle I've seen in a long time (flying lawnmower excluded). The car has an onboard camera attached, which relays real-time video to your goggles so you can race with a first person perspective. Not only that, the camera moves around according to your head movements! Holy shit I want one. Unfortunately each setup (including controller, etc.) will cost you over $1,100. And then you'd have to convince a buddy to dish out the same so you can actually race. Which would be fun as hell, especially since you'll be wearing a pair of goofy-ass goggles and waving your head around like Ray Charles (see video). The goggles do lend themselves to one of my secret racing tactics though -- taking yours off and kicking your opponent in the nuts.
Another picture and a worthwhile VIDEO after the jump, but a heads up -- they set it to a song about some guy whose dog got hit by a truck and wife left him because he loves NASCAR more than her (read: country).
Continue Reading " First Person Perspective: R/C Car Comes With Camera And Dorky Looking Goggles "
May 23 2008 Flame - Allegedly The World's Most Advanced Walking Robot With A Blue Flame For A Head
"Flame" is the name of a walking robot designed and built by TU Delft PhD student Daan Hobbelen.
By mimicking the way that humans actually fall forward when walking, this robot comes insanely close to the real thing. Usually, walking robots are energy-hungry propositions, but this is the first that's both efficient and stable. Inside Flame are seven motors and a balance "organ" loaded with stability algorithms. By measuring each step, the robot adjusts stance width, speed, and gait on the go.
There's a video of Flame going for a stroll after the jump, and I've got to admit -- he's definitely better at walking than the guy beside him.
Hit it for the very short video.
May 23 2008 My New Favorite Website: Knicker Pickers
Knicker Pickers is my new favorite website. It's a virtual dressing room for intimate wear (read: bras and panties!). I posted a picture of a sportswear selection there, but that's only because I was looking for the most SFW screencap I could find. I've been perusing the site for several months, and can remember when they only had three models. Well now they have five and the site is better than ever! You just pick whatever delicates you want the model to wear, and then you can make her turn around, come closer, come closer and then turn around, and walk away. It's awesome. I mean I'd never buy anything from the freaking site, but that hasn't stopped me from seeing every outfit. Even my girlfriend likes it. And by "likes it" I mean she makes me tell her how imperfect the girls look and how beautiful she is. The same thing she used to do at strip clubs until I started leaving her in the car. Now I know what you feminists are thinking, and yes, I leave a window cracked if I'm parked in the sun.
Knicker Pickers Dressing Room (probably NSFW seeing how it's a bunch of chicks walking around in thongs)
May 23 2008 Let Your Coworkers Know You're Cool: Retro Gaming Cufflinks And Other Jewelry On Etsy
Seller pixelparty is selling a bunch of sweet-ass retro gaming jewelry on Etsy. The pieces featured in the picture are cufflinks, but they've also got earrings, pins and bracelets (including a Ganon pin I'm going to buy and burn -- I hate that bastard). Cufflinks are $16 and earrings are $10. Check out a bunch more pictures after the jump and then buy something and wear it to your next job interview. After all, nothing says, "I'll spend the entire day commenting on Geekologie and playing a Nintendo emulator" better than a pair of Goomba cufflinks. Well, besides the t-shirts I'm selling that actually say that.
Hit the jump for the rest and a link to the seller's site.
May 23 2008 Rolling Boombox Confuses, Befuddles Me
When I think boombox I think of an oldschool ghetto blaster you carry on your shoulder that eats D batteries like my girlfriend eats pies and cakes. I definitely don't think of any wheels. Are people getting too weak to carry boomboxes? I just don't get it. This thing looks like a pushable Segway. Which might just be the most brilliant invention I've ever heard of.
A couple more pictures after the jump, including one of a guy that is definitely in the running to win "Asshat of Memorial Day Weekend".
May 22 2008 Readers: I Have A Birthday Coming Up And There's A Jet Bike For Sale On eBay (Hint)
I've been emailing my Congressman forever requesting he make jet engines required safety equipment on all vehicles, but does he listen to the pleas of common citizens? Noooo. So now I have to buy a blackmarket rocket bike from a potential scam artist on eBay in order to procure a safe damn bike. And here it is. Built by "the world's top pulsejet engine designer and builder" Robert Maddox, the engine puts out 50-60 pounds of thrust and is capable of speeding the bike up to approximately 75 MPH. Sounds good right? Well it's not bad, but even such a paltry engines come with warnings.
JET ENGINES ARE DANGEROUS!! BUY AT YOUR OWN RISK THIS ENGINES RUNS AT 140 DECIBELS AND GLOWS RED-COOL!!
Glows red-cool. I like that, I'm gonna start using it. Anyway, you readers get together and buy this for me for my birthday. Because if you don't, well, it'll be the third year in a row I didn't get anything. Well, that's not entirely true -- last year the dog left me a little present on the bed. Whee, shit on the bed, happy birthday to me! The sad part is that I actually appreciated the gesture.
A couple more pictures (including a pretty sweet looking jet-kart) and a video of the bike in action, after the jump. And, just for the hell of it, I added a funny video of a kid on a firework powered skateboard (watch the whole video).
May 22 2008 OLED Phone Will Stick Out Of Your Pocket
That is one looong phone. It certainly brings new meaning to the phrase "long distance calling" doesn't it? No, it doesn't, and that didn't make any freaking sense. If you thought it did you should see someone. Like me -- I love crazy people. So what we have here is the "NEED", a two OLED touchscreen phone by designer Tamer Koseli, whose aim was a "no frills" design.
He argues mobile phones are basic multimedia gadgets, far from their traditional aim of communication. He wanted to create a device with no superfluous features. That's right, you won't find a MP3 player, video capabilities, or even a camera.
Now call me an evil genius, but I'm pretty sure having two OLED touchscreens isn't a "no frills" feature. Honestly, that shit is frilly as hell. I mean, you write the damn number you want to call and it dials it? I think that's a little more superfluous than, oh I don't know, punching numbered buttons. That said, what in the hell kind of number is D544 B7B 3...? Do you think it's one of those phone sex things? I love those. I don't even need to talk to a real person, the automated part at the beginning is enough for me.
A bunch more pictures of the thing after the ring-a-ling-a-ding-dong. God I need help.
Continue Reading " OLED Phone Will Stick Out Of Your Pocket "
May 22 2008 Wii Training Wheel For The Superficial Writer
The Superficial Writer is about as good at Mario Kart Wii as I am at succeeding in life (read: an epic failure). So I thought this little DIY Wii Training Wheel article would be perfect for him. Basically you take a plastic crate, add some bungee cords and a Wii Wheel, and then look like a monster taint whenever you play. Say, wanna race for shots tonight?
Mine gauntlet has been casteth down. Thou shall meeteth me on the interwebs at dusk.
In case you wanted to see someone playing with it, there's a video after the jump.
Continue Reading " Wii Training Wheel For The Superficial Writer "
May 22 2008 Oh Man, I NEED One: Duckhunt Hunting Hat
Man with one of these I wouldn't feel so out of place shooting the bull with the "colorful locals" (read: rednecks) in town. A pixelated duck being shot at is the universal language of men in these parts. And at only $22 this hat is practically a steal. Although truthfully, I've never actually paid for a hat before. I just show up at the bar around 11:00 A.M. when they open and take any that were left on coat racks the night before. Then I proceed to get drunk and brag about any good finds. Which, nowadays, is anything without scabies.
Duck Hunt Trucker Hat, Not What I Always Wanted, But It'll Do [uberreview]
May 22 2008 VR Masks: The Future Is Gonna Suck
If there's one thing I hate, it's reality. I wake up in the morning and gone is the hot chick I was making out with in my dream. And gone right along with her is not having to work, pay bills, or build a robot/zombie proof bunker. God I really hate waking up sometimes. Well to make reality a little bit more bearable comes these conceptual virtual reality masks.
In a troubling future, these augmented reality devices would offer a new dimension - a virtual layer that could be used to "re-skin" the troubling outside world. A boundary between the wearer and the world around him, the device would become a sort of visual drug, used to make the world appear a better place - even if just for a moment. Within the mask, smells, sounds, even air quality would be imitated to create a full sensory experience. The facial expressions of those wearing the device would be detected and projected onto personal avatars visible to others also living behind the shield of the mask.
Man, at first I thought this sounded promising, now it just sounds stupid. Screw this. I'm just gonna triple my dosage of Ambien and try to sleep 20 hours a day. What's that -- I should wash it down with a liter of bourbon? You got it!
A couple more pictures, including a look inside the (conceptual) mask, after the jump.
May 22 2008 DIY Car Mods: Flamethrowing Exhaust Kit
What could possibly be cooler than shooting flames out the exhaust of your car (besides actually being jet powered or having rocket launchers)? Very little. Well now, thanks to the Autoloc Flame Thrower you can toast the hell out of tailgaters like you've always wanted. The $125 kit clips on to your exhaust pipe and ignites any unburnt fuel from the engine. Unfortunately, it only works on vehicles with carburetors. So if you want to use it on a fuel-injected model you're gonna have to run an extra gas line to your tailpipe. And with today's rock-bottom gas prices, you'd be stupid to NOT jump on the flame-throwing exhaust bandwagon.
UPDATE: The bandwagon just caught fire. Somebody -- marshmallows and chocolate, STAT!
Autoloc Flame Thrower for car exhaust [boingboinggadgets]
May 22 2008 Music Video: A Tour of Mac Operating System
This is a music video made for "Again and Again" by the Birds and the Bees. It's basically a tour of a Mac's operating system. Some of the programs included in the video are:
• Capture • iTunes • Microsoft Word • Photo Booth • iChat • Stickies • Photoshop CS3 • iPhoto • Fast User Switching • Mac OSX Zoom Tip • Finder • Spotlight • Quicktime Player • Stacks • Quick Look • Desktop • Screensaver • Dashboard • Dashcode • Illustrator • Final Cut Pro • Exposé • Time Machine • iMovie • Spaces • Windows Media Player for Mac • Flip4Mac • Flash CS3 • VLC Media Player • Shake • Mplayer • DVD Studio Pro • Real Player • iDVD • Color • Screenflow • Cinematize • Safari • iTunes Store
Pretty neat. But what would be even neater is if I could figure out what exactly that chick wants me to do to her again and again? Is it the pterodactyl? Because if it is, she's in luck -- I never get tired of that. But if it's something lame like rubbing her feet, she can forget about that shit. The Geekologie Writer doesn't do feet. Foot fetish people give me the creeps. Now armpits and the back of the knees -- those are respectable fetishes.
Music Video Is Complete Mac OS X Leopard Tour [gizmodo]
Thanks to alex, who uses few words in news tips and is a real X Leopard in bed.
May 22 2008 Hand-Drawn Zelda Themed Shoes For Sale
So a money making scheme came to me in a dream last night: 1. Buy $5 canvas shoes from Wal-Mart. 2. Lock my little brother in his room and make him draw Zelda scenes on them. 3. Scotchguard the shoes so the marker doesn't wear off and post the resulting artistic novicepieces on Etsy for $42. 4. Watch the doubloons roll in.
Now I know what you custom painted shoe haters are thinking, "Damn, these ones are actually freaking awesome!" And you're right, they are. And I'm not just saying that because I'm the one raking in the dough. Although I'm just saying that because I'm the one raking in the dough. And no, there's nothing wrong with my little brother. He was dipped out of the same kiddy gene-pool that I was, which means he's practically a genius. Aren't you little guy? Stop eating that marker. No, you can't breathe the Scotchguard. At least not until I try it first. *HUFF* Holy shit little bro, you gotta try this!
Two more pictures after the jump, and no I didn't really make these and you definitely shouldn't huff Scotchguard. Leave that to the professionals.
May 21 2008 LEGO Guns Look Dangerous, But Aren't
BrickGun makes LEGO kits that resemble real guns. The company is not to be confused with Brickarms, which makes little guns for LEGO figures. And unlike Forbidden LEGO sets, these won't actually shoot anything. But hey, they still look like guns.
We are the world leader in custom Lego weapon models. We specialize in creating the coolest, most realistic kits that can be built using genuine Lego parts. Each model is life-sized, with accurate dimensions and details. They feature functioning mechanics such as triggers, hammers, slides, safeties and magazines so they not only look like the real thing, they work like the real thing as well.
Yeah, they work just like the real thing. You know, except firing anything. But seriously, that's only a small part of a gun's function anyways. The MP5 kit was a limited edition set and is already sold out, but they still have plenty of Berettas, Glocks and Desert Eagle models (see pictures of these after the jump). All kits range in price from $40 - $60. And honestly, what could be cooler than owning a LEGO gun? Besides, oh I don't know, cutting the grass with a really shitty old mower because your wife won't let you buy a ride-on model. God I hate cutting the grass. Don't some people just like burn their lawn or something?
UPDATE: Oh f***. I'll man the garden hose, you call the fire department. Just tell them you're with The Geekologie Writer, they'll know what to do.
Pictures of all the models after the jump.
May 21 2008 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Resealable Can
Sometimes an invention comes along that is so simple, awesome, and bound to change the world of canned drinking so drastically that you just have to stop and ponder, "Why didn't I think of that?" Well this isn't one of those, but it is can related. Introducing the Resealable Can by Ukranian inventor Johan De Broyer!
You pop the top as usual with this design, and then when you want to re-seal it, you turn the pop top tab and it completely closes up the can again, good as new. The inventor says his invention can create a completely gas-tight and liquid-tight seal. An added incentive toward this idea's adoption is a space on the resealed top for advertising.
Now I know what you're thinking, "I'm a big boy, I can drink a whole can of beer/soda, so why would I ever need to reseal one?" Two words: Because you just peed in it.
May 21 2008 Classic Controller Belt Buckles For Sale
Want a NES or Genesis controller belt buckle? Well they're available. And so are SNES, Atari, and NES Advantage (the big arcade style controller) ones. Ranging in price from $30 to $50 (just like dog wigs!), they're all guaranteed to hold your pants up. But they're not guaranteed to come with a belt, so the company sells those for $5 extra. While I was kind of digging the classic NES buckle, I think I'm gonna hold out for an N64 one -- with a functional rumble pak attachment. *bzzzzzzzzz* Oh yeah, that's the stuff.
Pictures of all the different models after the jump.
Continue Reading " Classic Controller Belt Buckles For Sale "
May 21 2008 Flatmobile: The Flattest Vehicle In Gotham
This original Batmobile-inspired vehicle has been dubbed the Flatmobile. It stands a whopping 19" tall and is allegedly the world's flattest car that isn't a go-kart.
The Flatmobile is powered by a jet engine (based on a gas turbine jet engine and a Holset 685 turbocharger from a Volvo FL10 truck) which, thanks to having its own custom afterburner, is capable of delivering 90lbs of thrust powering the Flatmobile to speeds in excess of 100mph.
Awesome, can you imagine going 100mph and then getting run over by a tractor trailer driver who can't see you? That would be freaking sweet. However, I have a bone to pick with the claim that this is the flattest ride on the streets. Because it's not. That honor goes to a hooker I saw in D.C. over the weekend. Man, she had no boobs. Flat as an ironing board. Just the way I like 'em, isn't that right honey?
Several more pictures and a video after the jump.
Continue Reading " Flatmobile: The Flattest Vehicle In Gotham "
May 21 2008 If You Really, Really Hate Your Dog...
Get it a wig (cat models here). Prices range from $30 - $50 and you should be ashamed if you even for one second considered buying one. And since dogs can't talk, I'll translate what they think of the idea. "F*** you. Seriously, I'd rather be raped by the cat."
A TON more pictures of the different models after the jump.
May 21 2008 Uh-Oh: Robot Can Climb Almost Any Surface
Similar to this climbing robot, but 100% absolutely nothing like it, comes this agile bastard.
The as-yet-unnamed robot uses electro-adhesion to cling to the wall, generating electrostatic charges between the wall substrate and itself to keep from falling. "The principle of operation is similar to electrostatic chucks used to hold silicon wafers, or other specialized grippers for robotic handling of materials," senior researcher Harsha Prahlad explained to PM in an email last week. "The technology uses a very small amount of power ... and shows the ability to repeatedly clamp to wall substrates that are heavily covered in dust or other debris."
This isn't good news folks. If this were a medical prognosis for the future of the human race, we'd be getting toe-tagged. And speaking of toes -- if you strapped a camera to this thing and sent it up the side of my house to the bathroom window you might catch a hot and steamy glimpse of...me doing a crossword puzzle on the can.
Several more pictures of the robot and a video of it climbing a wall in your house, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Uh-Oh: Robot Can Climb Almost Any Surface "
May 21 2008 Promo Vid: How Not To Sell Microcontrollers
I found this promotional video for Texas Instruments' new MSP430 Ultra Low Power Microcontroller particularly funny because I used to work for the company. *TI stock plummets* Basically it's two monster geeks showing how you can run the thing on different fruits (just like the potato clock you made when you were six). However, the main reason I posted it is because it has an awesome scene that starts at 1:20.
Blue Guy: Now if you're watching this on Youtube feel free to respond with your own interesting power sources for the MSP430.
Red Guy: I can tell you a martini works wonderfully.
Blue Guy: But you didn't drink that martini right?
Red Guy: Nooo, of course not, that would violate TI policy. *smile disappears, looks down and contemplates killing himself in the middle of a Texas Instruments promo video*
Freaking classic.
Fruit-Powered Chip Promo Vid Shows Why Geeks Don't do PR [gizmodo]
May 21 2008 Gourmet Chocolates Shaped Like, Uh, Yeah
I tried to avoid posting these because the product is sophomoric and I'm a real class act with serious journalistic integrity, but I got the tip so many times that I figured I pretty much had to. So here it is, the Incredible Edible Anus. You heard correct -- butthole shaped chocolates. You can order a box of 12 (unknown price) or a single 35mm x 25mm x 25mm 'Big Boy' for about $6. And for a limited time you can get one made out of pure silver for about $470! "People come and people go. Our solid silver anus is immune from the daily wear and tear that similar products experience." I assume they're talking about actual buttholes there. Grossed out yet? I have been for fifteen minutes already. Take it away, testimonials!
'They're fab - I want to get my hands on some more!' Graham Norton - TV Presenter
'Say 'Thank You' with a box of delightful chocolate starfish.'
Bizarre Magazine'The very existence of these Milk Chocolate B*mholes probably heralds the destruction of the Earth by fire. And about time, too.'
G Scene Magazine'Thanks for the Incredible Silver Anus, it was a wedding gift. '
Buyer: courtney.bell'The best anus I've ever paid for. First Class Service and well packaged. Cheers '
Buyer: 123thomaspope'FUNNY GAG. TASTES GOOD TOO CONSIDERING IM EATING SOMEONES ASS!!! THANKS!! '
Buyer: srhmusicSelf-confessed anal-choco-holic, excellent fix! speedy delivery, supa service*** '
Buyer: mariamerton10x
I wonder who made the mold. And whether or not they've tried one.
Product Site (check out the URL)
Thanks Allyson, Shawn, and Greg, this is just what I wanted to wake up to
May 20 2008 FakeTV Acts Like Television, Deters Thieves
The FakeTV is a $50 array of super-bright LEDs that flicker on and off to resemble the light given off by a television. The idea is that a burglar will see this, think you're home watching television when in fact you're on a family vacation that's making you want to kill yourself, and pass on robbing you blind.
FakeTV uses a built-in computer to control super-bright LEDs to produce light of varying intensity and color that light up a room just like a real television does. The light effects of real television programming -- scene changes, camera pans, fades, flicks, swells, on-screen motion, and more, are all faithfully simulated by FakeTV... fills a room with color changes, both subtle and dramatic, in thousands of possible shades. FakeTV is completely unpredictable, and it never repeats.
The FakeTV uses substantially less energy than leaving a real television on, and doubles as an epilepsy detector. Video after the jump, but WARNING: We are in no way, shape, form, taste, smell or color responsible for any resulting seizures.
Continue Reading " FakeTV Acts Like Television, Deters Thieves "
May 20 2008 I've Seen It All Now: The Whiz Freedom
The Whiz Freedom is a horribly named "urine director" for women. First of all, I didn't know there was even a market for "urine directors", but secondly, now that I do, I think they should change the name of this product from Whiz Freedom to Fake Penis. Because I think that's what it is.
The Whiz Freedom preserves dignity and liberty whatever the circumstances. It gives women the choice to wee wherever and whenever they choose.Aside from allowing women to wee in a standing position, sitting down or lying down, the Whiz Freedom can be used in confined spaces such as in a car, a kayak, a small airplane or glider (you're up there for many hours), in a tent, a sleeping back, while chained to the stove, or while caving.
So ladies, if you're looking for the perfect $30 urine-soaked accessory to add to your purse, look no further. The Whiz Freedom -- Enabling women to pee like men since 2007.
A commercial for the thing after the jump. I don't want to ruin it for you, but it's a scene that I'm all too familiar with.
May 20 2008 Coca-Cola Vending Robots Spotted In Japan
So apparently Coca-Cola has these oversized robotic bastards lumbering around Tokyo and pinching the heads off anyone that doesn't buy an ice-cold Coke from its cooling chamber. Has anybody seen one? Do they actually walk around? Is there really just a person about to pass out from heatstroke in there? Has anyone tried knocking one over and prying its change receptacle open with a flathead? I need answers. But what I don't need is a giant robotic vending machine in my neighborhood. I do like Coke though. Who I don't like is Dr. Pepper -- I think that creep tried to touch me when I was under the gas.
coca-cola robots invade japan [technabob]
photo [flickr]
Thanks Steve, lets go robot tipping sometime
May 20 2008 Steve Ballmer Gets Egged In Hungary
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer got egged in Hungary by some student during a speech at Covinus University in Budapest. I'm kind of partial to the helicockter treatment myself, but that's just personal preference. Apparently the kid stands up, screams, "Hey you, Microsoft has stolen 45 million something something somethings from the Hungary people. Give that money back right now!" Then he lets the eggs fly (with absolutely no accuracy). What in the freaking hell is the matter with that kid? First off, he didn't even hit him. And secondly, egging someone is immature and I can't believe a college student would resort to something so juvenile. Grow up and buy some stink bombs already.
Another slow motion video after the jump.
May 20 2008 IT Kama Sutra Poses Threw My Back Out
We've all been there before -- you get home from the bars after striking out with the ladies but you're still feeling amorous. So what do you do? You bang your computer. Well thankfully this is not a picture of that. These are actually Kama Sutra positions to be used by trained IT professionals to mount a PC while attempting a repair. I know nothing about these, because I am neither an IT guy nor any sort of professional. I've only tried one Kama Sutra position in my whole life, and that was the Pterodactyl. You should really try it some time. Whenever you're on top just hold the sheet in your outstretched arms and flap it like a giant wing while yelling, "CAW CAW!" Trust me, it's the most sensual thing a woman can ever experience.
Kama Sutra For IT People [digg]
Thanks to Shawn, who has tried all of these, but with chicks
May 20 2008 Cyclepong 2.0 Combines Cycling And Pong
Cyclepong 2.0 (don't even get me started on Cyclepong 1.0) makes you work out to play Pong. "Put simply, the inventor created an arcade-like installation with a pair of exercise bikes, an LCD screen and customized software that enables a pair of individuals to pedal forward and back in order to move their pixels." If you want to take a pedal at it yourself and live near Suffolk, England just head down to the Southwold Pier and look for a guy wearing trackpants and a sweatband. Damn, I really wish I could give it a go. I mean, what could be more fun than exercising and playing Pong at the same time? You know, besides absolutely anything else.
A couple video demonstrations after the jump.
Continue Reading " Cyclepong 2.0 Combines Cycling And Pong "
May 20 2008 More Robotic Death And Destruction, This Time Under The Guise Of "Disaster Relief"
The Disaster Relief Robot was designed by Daniel Shankland, the same sick bastard behind the Firefighting Robot. The two robots were "designed with the same core parts and then specialized for the tasks we wanted them to complete." In this case they're supposed to aid disaster relief. But let me ask you something -- does that picture really look like two robots involved in disaster relief? No, it doesn't. What it does look like is either A) two robots ravaging a city looking for color to eat or B) two robots battling each and destroying a city in the process. Neither of which paints a very colorful picture of the future (just look at it -- it's all black and white). You see what I'm getting at here? That's right, the robots of the apocalypse will be powered by ingesting color and leave the earth barren of pigment. *sniffle* I'll miss you periwinkle.
A bunch more pictures, including a close-up of the crotch, and an actual model of the thing, after the jump.
May 20 2008 R/C Helicockter Interrupts Russian Speech
Did you read the post title carefully? That's right folks, somebody made a flying phallus and flew it into a news conference when Russian chess grandmaster and political activist Garry Kasparov was giving a speech. No idea if Vladamir Putin was the man behind the styrofoam salami, but he most certainly was. A translation of the website I got it from? Sure.
I do not have any sympathy for the Kremlin nor holuyam rumolovtsam nor kasparovsko-limonovskim dissenting, but this event fun ...
в общем, как я понял, румоловцы запустили на каспарова сию аццкую боеголовку: In general, as I understood it live on rumolovtsy kasparova retirement hellish warhead.From the video, obviously, that this "person Kremlin" kasparov strangely was wound circles over Limonovym until it is not brought down any of brave fighters kasparovskih.
Well there you have it, straight from the keyboard of some Ruski. And hellish warhead is right. Seriously though -- so someone flies a weapon of mass (erectile) dysfunction into your conference, big deal. Just make a penis joke and move on. I mean at least it wasn't pierced.
Arguably NSFW picture and VIDEO after the jump.
WARNING: It's a flying, relatively realistic styrofoam penis.
Continue Reading " R/C Helicockter Interrupts Russian Speech "
May 19 2008 Caffeine Laced Chips: I'll Just Stick To Coffee
If you're anything like The Superficial Writer, you down several cups of urine-fortified coffee to get you going in the morning (seriously, stop taking my parking spot). Well for those of you out there that aren't into the liquid (or soap) caffeine scene, how about some, uh, chips? That's right, Engobi "Energy Go Bites" are cinnamon or lemon (WTF!?) flavored chips laced with wake-up powder. While I couldn't find the exact amount of crack per bag, each 1.5-ounce serving is advertised as containing "70% more caffeine than those little energy drinks." Yeah, and all for the low, low price of $1.29. To promote the chips, Engobi is taking the chips to the street.
The company is running a "Girls, Guitars and Geeks City Tour," with a Guitar Hero-equipped van, giving gamers willing to leave their basements the chance to compete for Guitar Hero controllers and gear emblazoned with the name of everyone's favorite insomnia-inducing snack product.
And if you were worried that Engobi was run by a bunch of old shriveled nads with no concept of what's cool to their target demographic, fear not.
Says the company's VP, Mark Singleton: ""If this contest, the Engobi girls, or our high-octane Engobi snack chips don't perk you up, I'm not sure you have a pulse. With Engobi on the scene, couch potatoes just earned a place on the endangered species list."
Wow, Mark, wow. You just made a whole bunch of no sense whatsoever. Doesn't gaming promote a certain level of couch/desk chair potatodom? I can't remember the last time I played video games while running a marathon. Unless slapping a Nintendo Power Pad with my hands to beat Cheetah at World Class Track Meet counts. Which, damnit, it should.
Engobi Website
via
Engobi Chips: Caffeinated, Guitar Hero-Friendly [gearlog]
NOTE: Whatever you do, don't go to the Engobi website and then click Products, What's Inside and then scroll over the heaps of shit at the bottom. Trust me, just don't.
Thanks Shawn, lets down a bunch of espressos and punch holes in the wall
May 19 2008 Questionable: Huge LEGO Indiana Jones Boulder Rolled Down Hill In San Francisco
This is allegedly a 5 million piece LEGO boulder being rolled down a hill in San Francisco. I find it hard to believe it's solid and 5 million pieces because it seems pretty light. But who knows, stranger things have happened (my penis once fell off in the shower after I scrubbed it with a loofah). So these guys roll this big-ass LEGO boulder down a hill while some guy dressed loosely as Indiana Jones runs in front of it (and another in a fez that may or may not be Sallah makes bad commentary). Eventually the boulder bounces off a tree and stops after hitting a parked van. Now we could bicker back and forth all day long whether or not this is fake, so for the sake of argument we'll just agree that it should have been a lot cooler.
UPDATE: Turns out the boulder is styrofoam in the middle. FAIL. Thanks Detective Steph.
Thanks to Altaire, who could train horses to make more realistic LEGO boulders
May 19 2008 Russian Mario Kart Looks Pretty Good
This is a custom painted Lada Zhiguli Mario Kart from Russia. As you can see, it's got a Super Mario Bros. theme. "The mural contains Goombas, pipes, coins, blocks, red-shelled Koopas and of course, Mario-himself." Not much else to say, except that I drank with a Russian guy once. It all started when I bought a car on eBay. A drive up to Philadelphia later, I met with the car's seller (who, from the looks of things, was clearly involved in an organized crime syndicate). He broke the top off a vodka bottle and said I couldn't leave until we finished the whole thing. Obviously we did, but I had to sleep in the car that night. The next morning he took me to a title place that only did business in Russian. I was still drunk and had no idea what the hell was going on or being said. Long story short: there was a body in the trunk. I Febreezed the shit out of it, but you can still catch a wiff in the summer when it gets hot.
Close-up shots after the jump.
May 19 2008 HAL (Hybrid Assistive Limb) Suit Gives You Ironman-Like Capabilities. Okay, Not Really
The HAL suit was developed by Cyberdyne (not to be confused with Cyberdyne Systems, the company responsible for manufacturing Terminators). Despite the similar names, the suit is far from having Terminator-like features. Or Ironman for that matter. What is does have are some little blue circles that light up.
When a person attempts to move, nerve signals are sent from the brain to the muscles via motoneuron, moving the musculoskeletal system as a consequence. At this moment, very weak biosignals can be detected on the surface of the skin. HAL catches these signals through a sensor attached on the skin of the wearer. Based on the signals obtained, the power unit is controlled to move the joint unitedly with the wearer's muscle movement, enabling to support the wearer's daily activities.
The system was designed with physical rehabilitation and people with permanent disabilities in mind, but it will also be used for heavy labor at factories, rescue support at disaster sites, and the entertainment field. So it may be comparable to the system Raytheon is developing. But at least this one doesn't look like a heap of scrap metal. It looks like an iPod. And what do we know about iPods? That's right -- they don't work after your wife puts them through the wash. So, logically, neither will this suit.
One more picture of the thing in action after the jump.
May 19 2008 Vegeta From Dragon Ball Untooned
Despite my penchant for getting high and watching cartoons, I've never been into the Dragon Ball franchise. Although I may go see the live-action movie if I can sneak into the theater and throw moistened gummy bears at the screen while children cry. That could be fun. So yeah, here's Vegeta from the series in untooned form. Does he look good? I have no idea, I don't even know who Vegeta is. At first I thought he was a vegetarian sandwich at the local Cajun restaurant (UPDATE: turns out that's a vegelleta). Regardless, I think we can all agree on one thing -- my widow's peak puts his to shame. Seriously, ask anyone.
Vegeta Real [deviantart]
Thanks Tytus, lets me and you get matching dragonskin suits. Then we won't just be ballin', we'll be dragonballin'.
May 19 2008 South Korea To Build Robot-Themed Parks By 2013, Destruction Of Human Race Ensues
I question how a robot-themed amusement park is going to complement the future Seoul Eco-Commune of 2026, but whatever, they didn't ask for my opinion. Besides, if the robot parks are a success, Korea won't need an Eco-Commune in 2026 because everyone will be dead. Robotic destruction prophecies aside, the South Korean government plans to build two robot-themed parks near Seoul by 2013. The $1.6 billion venture is all part of a program to position the country as the world's robotic mecca. Other initiatives include placing a robot in every household by 2020 and a recently drafted Robot Ethics Code, which lays down the law as to what constitutes robotic abuse, etc. Yes, I'm being serious.
The government of South Korea is drawing up a code of ethics to prevent human abuse of robots--and vice versa.
The new charter is part of an effort to establish ground rules for human interaction with robots in the future."Imagine if some people treat androids as if the machines were their wives," Hye-Young Park of the ministry's robot team told the AFP news agency.
Hye-Young, I have no idea what in the hell you're trying to get at. Are you saying that treating robots that way would be a good thing or a bad thing? I mean it's not like I want to have sex with them, I just want somebody who can cook my eggs over-easy for once.
A picture of a chick and a robot having a slap fight after the jump.
May 19 2008 Now That's Crabby: Half Life 2 Head-Crab Hat
This may be as old as the hills, I honestly have no idea. But if it is there's nobody to blame but yourself, for not sending me the tip earlier. So yeah, marinate on that little knowledge nugget for a minute. Anyway, a loyal reader did send the tip, and here they are -- Half Life 2 Head-Crab (aka head-humper) Hats. Made out of 100% head-crab, the $30 hats are guaranteed to turn you into a lifeless zombie (see picture, above). I just ordered one and whenever I wear it I'm going to drool a lot and pretend I'm a zombie. That's going to be funny isn't it? No, it's not. Say, did I ever tell you about the crabs I got from a toothless hooker in Baltimore? $80 for a whole bushel of jumbo Maryland blues. Freaking great deal.
Several more pictures of the hat after the jump.
Continue Reading " Now That's Crabby: Half Life 2 Head-Crab Hat "
May 19 2008 Dude Undresses Chick With Heavy Machinery
This is a video of some guy undressing a chick with a mechanical digger. I'm petitioning to make it an Olympic sport. It was apparently on some Italian variety show and at first I thought they were using a mannequin. But they're definitely not, it's a real chick (hence the lifelike picture there). At the end of the video she's only wearing underwear and a camisole top or something, so this may be considered a little NSFW. Unless you work for a construction company, in which case this should be required viewing. Anyway, the guy completes the task in just over four minutes, which was pretty impressive. But I could have done it in three -- with a bulldozer.
Hit the jump for the slightly NSFW video.
Continue Reading " Dude Undresses Chick With Heavy Machinery "
May 16 2008 Lonely No More: Bed A Virtual 2-D Girlfriend
INBED is the brainchild of NYU student Drew Burrows. Drew is a really lonely guy that decided a 2-D virtual girlfriend would be way easier to bed than a real 3-D one. And he was right. The girl is projected onto your bed from the ceiling and interacts via "infrared-sensitive" light. If you curl up on your side she spoons with you, and if you lie on your back she stretches out beside you. Plus, if you're feeling amorous and try to kiss her she raises her rear into the air and beckons you to "tap that". Just kidding, no chick would ever do that -- she just buries her head in a pillow and ignores you like your girlfriend does whenever you're feeling procreational.
UPDATE: Okay, I know I said there was no woman that would ever do that, but I got to thinking and figured in the off chance that one of you lady readers out there might do that, could you please contact me?
NYU Student Creates Virtual Girlfriend - Shame She's Only 2-D [gizmodo]
May 16 2008 WTF, That's Gross: Bread Head Bakery
Kittiwat Unarrom got a master's degree in fine arts and now makes lifelike body parts out of bread at a bakery in Thailand. All the disturbing yeast sculptures are made out of dough, raisins, cashews and chocolate. He'll also paint the outside with some sort of edible paint to give it an even more gruesome appearance. When asked why he does it, Kittiwat replied, "I'm a wackjob and I like making people sick".* And what does The Geekologie Writer think of these bready body parts? We may never know -- he's too busy puking up the Spaghetti O's sandwich he had for lunch.
*As interpreted by yours truly.
UPDATE: VIDEO added after the jump.
More pictures after the jump, but warning: they're more graphic than the first one. Yes, I'm a girl. I wear frilly panties.
May 16 2008 Crazy Automatic Mario Level Set To Music
So I was unaware of this, but people hack Mario games to make them play automatically when the game starts. Like you don't need to push any buttons, Mario just starts with some momentum and he plows through the level thanks to its intricate design of bumper blocks, etc. They're pretty amazing, and I posted a couple more after the jump, but this one is particularly neat because they made the sounds match up with some techno song playing the background. The video is 11:00 long, but the first two minutes are the best. But hell, watch the whole 11:00 if you want, just don't come asking me for a life refund. I'm still trying to get two and a half years back from an ex-girlfriend.
A couple more (shorter) automatic Mario levels, without the techno, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Crazy Automatic Mario Level Set To Music "
May 16 2008 'Fusion Man' Provides More Jet Wing Action
I posted the story of the Jet Wing back in January, but since Yves Rossy just made his first public demonstration of the jet-powered wing, he's back in the news. Rossy and sponsors spent over $285,000 perfecting the thing, and he recently flew that shit for a gathered crowd of media before landing on the eastern shore of Lake Geneva (via parachute). Rossi wants to try crossing the English Channel later this year, and eventually fly through the Grand Canyon.
Rossy stepped out of the Swiss-built Pilatus Porter aircraft at 7,500 feet, unfolded the rigid 8-foot wings strapped to his back and dropped. Passing from free fall to a gentle glide, Rossy then triggered four jet turbines and accelerated to 186 miles an hour as a crowd on the mountaintop below gasped -- then cheered.
Steering only with his body, Rossy dived, turned and soared again, flying what appeared to be effortless loops from one side of the Rhone valley to the other. At times he rose 2,600 feet before descending again with a trail of special-effects smoke in his wake.
Ah yes, smoke effects, what a showman.
"It's like a second skin," he later told reporters. "If I turn to the left, I fly left. If I nudge to the right, I go right."
Oh yeah Rossi, just like a second skin. Except, you know, it's a rigid 8-foot wing with four jet engines attached. But besides that, yeah, just like a pair of tighty whities.
Video of Rossi and the wing in action after the jump.
Continue Reading " 'Fusion Man' Provides More Jet Wing Action "
May 16 2008 I Know What I'm Getting!: This Wicked Tattoo
Let's face it folks, the Bowser riding a surfboard tattoo is pale in comparison to this wicked work of needle and ink. As you can see, it's a, uh, dolphin with its own tattoo smoking a bong and sitting on a tattered recliner. Oh, and it looks like he's staring at an owl and thinking "AKH" (which may or may not be some prison ink). Seriously, not even Spiderman guy can F with this. This thing is just pure ridiculous. Admittedly, I was high for the majority of my college career but never, ever, ever have I smoked with a dolphin before. Or a porpoise. Okay, that's not entirely true. I did smoke with a porpoise* -- to avoid going to class and to make Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 even funner.
*High-five for the pun!
"I'd like a tattoo of a dolphin with a tribal tattoo smoking a bong on a recliner, please." [albotas]
May 16 2008 Heligoodness!: Airwolf Replica For Sale
We've seen helicopters made of junk, mini-gunning helicopters, and even a couple renditions of personal helicopters, but this is the grandaddy of helisweetness -- Airwolf. Airwolf was an awesome TV show about a supersonic military helicopter and its crew. If you're too young to remember it then you should probably just ask your mommy for another sippy cup and to put you back in your playpen for a nap. I kid -- I barely remember it myself. But not because I wasn't alive and relatively coherent at the time it aired (1984-1987), it's just that I got spat on by a camel at the petting zoo and lost part of my memory. Or it could be all the drinking. Whatever the case, a replica of the helicopter is now for sale on eBay.
The full size Airwolf replica was made with an existing Bell 222A airframe. The side panels, nose panel and refueling port were all made from the specs from the original Airwolf and are exact. The ADF pod and chainguns are not included in this auction, but will be available if anyone is interested. The interior is not finished, but the pilot and co-pilot seats have been reupholstered and the instrument panel has been mocked up. Airwolf inspired a whole generation to learn to fly helicopters and this replica is beautiful.
Unfortunately it doesn't fly.
Q: Could it fly with the right components?A: Not sure. It doesn't have any paperwork, but I don't know if there is a way around that. My guess is yes, but it would be a long(dealing with the FAA.) and costly process.
Well ain't that some shit. That's like selling KITT with no engine, wheels, flashing red lights, or ability to talk. Which, my friends, would be sad enough to make the Hoff cry tears of pure chest hair.
A bunch more pictures of the replica and a link to the auction after the takeoff.
Continue Reading " Heligoodness!: Airwolf Replica For Sale "
May 16 2008 Stop Motion Wall Painting Is Pretty Impressive
This is an artistic stop motion video made entirely of wall paintings. It's pretty damn impressive. It made me kind of motion sick, but that was a small price to pay for the incredible awesomeness. A freaking ton of time, effort and ability went into this piece. Almost as much as my last artistic venture, which was a can of orange juice concentrate I glued popsicle sticks to and wrote on in puffy paint. I gave it to my mom for Mother's Day. I tried calling her to see if she liked it, but I think she's blocked my number.
MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU [vimeo]
Thanks to Nathan, Saul, Heather, Meg, and Pork Musket, who should all come hang out so we can paint the town red
May 16 2008 Philisophical Question Of The Day: Can We Use Robotic Suits To Defeat The Robots Of The Apocalypse, Or Will They Turn On Us?
Okay, I posted on the Sarcos Exoskelton Robot Suit back in November, but this week I've been flooded with tips to show it again, so here she blows. Raytheon, impressed with the Sarcos suit, purchased the company, and continues to develop the exoskeleton suit as part of a $10 million Army contract.
The suit can multiply its wearer's strength and endurance as many as 20 times, with relatively little loss of agility, by sensing and almost instantly amplifying every movement the wearer makes.
The suit itself weighs 150 lbs. and the biggest hurdles Raytheon has yet to overcome are the unit's short battery life, incredible cost of production, and clunkiness.
When a soccer ball was thrown at him, he bounced it back off his helmeted head. He repeatedly struck a punching bag and, slowly but surely, he climbed stairs in the suit's clunky aluminum boots, which made him look like a Frankenstein monster. "It feels less agile than it is," Jameson said. "Because of the way the control laws work, it's ever so slightly slower than I am. And because we are so in tune with our bodies' responses, this tiny delay initially made me tense." Now, he's used to it. "I can regain my balance naturally after stumbling -- something I discovered completely by accident." Learning was easy, he said.
"It takes no special training, beyond learning to relax and trust the robot," he said.
Over my dead body. The day you learn to trust robots is the day they turn on you and blast a powerful burning laserbeam straight through your domepiece. I'd rather trust my girlfriend, and she cheats on me like it's her job (which it kind of is, she's a hooker).
So today's philosophical question of the day is this: Can the human race battle robots with robots? Wow, did that just make your head explode? I know, I'm freaking deeper than a well. Suck it, Descartes.
Another video of the suit in action after the jump.
May 15 2008 Awesomest News Story Ever Is So Awesome
This is the awesomest news story ever, and it all started when Ralph Hardy, a 13-year old, ordered another credit card from his dad's existing account. Then he and his friends went on a $30,000 shopping spree and ordered some hookers to a hotel room where they were playing Halo on Xbox.
Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.
Oh my freaking goodness kids are getting so smart these days. What a great lie!
The $1,000 a night girls sensing something up played "Halo" on the Xbox with the kids, instead of selling their sexual services. They told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.
Awh man, they got them there and then bailed out? At 13 I could've definitely hit pause for two minutes (give or take a minute and a half) to bang a hooker.
But sadly, this all happened because of a father that forgot his son's birthday.
Ralph had reportedly told police that his father wouldn't mind, as it was his birthday last week and he had forgot to get him a present. The father, a lawyer said he had been too busy, but would take him on a surprise trip to Disneyland instead.
Oh yeah, the ol' forgotten birthday and promised trip to Disneyland. Been there. Ralph was actually smart just sneaking a credit card in his dad's name. I'm still waiting for my freaking trip.
UPDATE: Story may be a hoax. If that's the case I'm gonna help my little brother make it a reality.
13 Year Old Steals Dad's Credit Card to Buy Hookers [money.co.uk]
Thanks Aaron, I'll let you know just as soon as my dad's new card gets here
May 15 2008 Alien "Email" Could Arrive As Early As 2015, The Pope Is Totally Cool With That, You Know, As Long As It Doesn't Really Happen
Hisashi Hirabayashi and a colleague used a radio telescope in 1983 to send a message to Altair, a star approximately 16 light-years away.
The message, which is believed to have reached Altair in 1999, consisted of 13 binary-encoded images (71 x 71 pixels each) that showed, among other things, the characteristics of our solar system, the location of our planet, the known chemical elements, whole numbers, human characteristics, and the basic structure of DNA. Their message also attempted to explain biological evolution with a depiction of mammals evolving from primeval life forms (see the image above of the fish crawling onto land).
That one picture looks like a midget kicking a naked woman in the shins, but whatever. Now provided the aliens (if there are any) were intelligent enough to receive and decode the message, they could have a message back to us as early as 2015. Hot damn, I can hardly wait!
Strangely, one of the pictures sent to Altair includes the molecular formula for ethanol along with the kanji characters for kanpai (the Japanese toast of "cheers!") and the English word "TOAST." "I came up with that idea while drinking," Hirabayashi playfully admits. "The aliens probably won't understand that part."
Oh, they'll understand Hirabayashi, they'll understand. Alcohol is the universal language that that makes communication with the opposite sex possible. The googly-eyed bastards will definitely get that. What I'm worried about is them understanding the rest of it.
And in a related story the Vatican has announced that it is perfectly Christian to believe in aliens, despite their not being in the Bible.
The Bible "is not a science book," Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes (Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory) said, adding that he believes the Big Bang theory is the most "reasonable" explanation for the creation of the universe. The theory says the universe began billions of years ago in the explosion of a single, super-dense point that contained all matter.
And when asked why aliens didn't make an appearance in the Bible, Funes noted, "It's not a damn sci-fi novel."
Alien e-mail reply to arrive in 2015? [pinktentacle]
and
Vatican: It's OK to believe in aliens [yahoonews]
Thanks to Melissa, who may be the only person who really knows what's out there
May 15 2008 Underwater Camera Mask Is A Great Idea
The SeaLife SL321 ECOshot is (allegedly) the world's first underwater camera built into a snorkeling mask. It packs a 5 megapixel camera and is good up to depths of 15 feet. It even has crosshairs in the eye pieces so you can frame up your shot and goes for right around $100.
Sweet. Mine just arrived so I'm gonna head down to the pool and see if I can't score some shots of the college girls swim team in action. I'll post any sweet derrières I manage to capture.
UPDATE: So I was the only one in the pool. Which was weird, I mean there wasn't even a lifeguard around. I guess I missed the sign on my way in, but the pool was supposed to be closed for disinfecting. Which explains the floater in the deep end I snapped a pic of.
UPDATE UPDATE: Just got an email from a concerned reader.
Date: Thu, 15 May 2008 2:30:53
From: [email protected]
Subject: Geekologie Tip - We came up with this shit years ago
Geekologie Writer,
This post is bullshit. Snorks came up with these years ago and have been selling them forever in Snorkland. Screw whoever is making this claim, we demand royalties.
Help us get our money,
AllStar Seaworthy (Snork)
World's First Swimming Mask With Integrated Digital Camera [tfts]
Thanks Andrew, and no, it definitely wasn't a Baby Ruth
May 15 2008 BBQ Sword Perfect For A Masked Meat Thief
The $30 BBQ Sword is a grilling accessory made to look like a sword. As you can see, it features a nice hilt and the end is pronged so you can stab meat. As an added bonus the cardboard box it comes in has a mask cutout so you can pilfer your neighbor's meat without revealing your identity.
Whether you're prancing around the garden making a total Athos of yourself, flummoxing guests with your frankly ridiculous mask or thrusting away at a regiment of seditious quarterpounders, the BBQ Sword is guaranteed to become your new favorite cooking implement. Most impressive of all we've managed to write (this entire review) without mentioning pork swords. On guard!
I want one. Oh, and what the hell is a pork sword? Is that a slang term for hot dong or cockwurst? Because, if it is, whoever wrote that review is vulgar. Grow up already.
Thanks to Jackie, who apparently works for the company and should send me a free one of these.
May 15 2008 RINGBO Ridable Robot For Kids Reminds Me How Much My Childhood Sucked, Was Bad
RINGBO is a robotic transportation device for children that hate walking. It was designed for kids aged 2-3 so they can run over the cat's tail. The unit has a 66-pound weight limit and a 6-8 hour charge yields about one hour of drive time. It also looks like a miniature Hoveround. Say, have I ever told you about how I always wanted one of those little motorized Jeeps when I was a kid but my parents never got me one? True story. My friend had one though, except he would never let me drive it. Or even ride in it for that matter. What he would let me do is lie in the sandbox while he backed over me. Best friends forever!
A commercial video of the thing, which features an awesome song that'll get stuck in your head and you'll sing all day long, after the jump (lyrics included).
NOTE: The lyrics start at 0:45. You MUST memorize them if you want our friendship to last.
Continue Reading " RINGBO Ridable Robot For Kids Reminds Me How Much My Childhood Sucked, Was Bad "
May 15 2008 (Oh God Please Be) FAKE: Ghost In Elevator
I watched this video a couple of times so needless to say I'm making this post from under the bed. It's allegedly a video of a ghost in a Singapore hotel's elevator (let it load and skip to 1:20 to see the goods). I'm sure it's fake as all hell. Right? It's fake right? Good, because you know ghosts scare the crap out of me. Seriously, I've got a huge mess back there. You know, I'd be more inclined to believe this was real if the ghost wasn't a dead(!) ringer for the bag lady I make out with at the train station on Mondays and Wednesdays. I know she's still kickin' -- we played a little tonsil table tennis just yesterday. I would have won too, but she cheated and bit the tip of my tongue off.
UPDATE: Thankfully, I did some investigative interwebbing and found the creators of the video. It's some human resource group that wants you to work for them and "never have to work late and risk seeing a ghost". Which is stupid because the guys in the video never even saw the damn ghost. That said, I have seen one before. It sucked. It was this real busty chick. I tried to cop a feel but my hand just passed right through her. Tease.
Ghost Caught On A CCTV In An Elevator [aolvideo]
Thanks Emilia, I hate sleeping anyways
May 15 2008 Awesome Clock Has Over 150 Moving Hands
We've seen lots of clocks here on Geekologie that aim to tell time with words, but this is by far the coolest one. Clock is a design by Christiaan Postma. It uses over 150 moving matchstick-like hands to spell out the hour. The picture there shows the change from 3:00 to 4:00. The best part is the words appear in the same positions they would on a normal clock. You just have to see it to appreciate it. So go here to check it out (click "clock" and then the big 3 in the lower right corner).
Okay, I just watched it again and still think it's cool, but remembered that the animation shows twelve hours packed into a scant minute and forty seconds. So the mesmerizing movement seen in the video won't really be present in the actual device. Still awesome though. Just not as hot as the timepiece I invented, which was the sun. Seriously, I sold the idea to God for the promise to create beer. Yes, yes I am your hero. No need to thank me for the booze though, I did it for myself.
Christiaan Postma's Clock [iconeye]
Thanks to Hazel for knowing what time it is
May 15 2008 Completely Inappropriate Austrian PS3 Ad
Sometimes, being The Intrepid Geekologie Writer requires me to report on things I'd prefer not to. This is one of those cases. Featured here is a real PS3 ad created by the TBWA\Wein agency for the Austrian market. Long story short: It's a naked dude -- with a thumb for a penis. You heard me --- a thumb for a penis. And, as my wife so lovingly pointed out, it's way bigger than my unit even after using the pump. So yeah, I'm killing myself. Oh you think that's funny do you? Making fun of The Geekologie Writer for the cruel joke God played on him? Well I hate you. Go eat a thumb.
Oh, and ladies -- if you think every man hasn't tried playing video games with his favorite digit before, you're kidding yourself.
The NSFW picture after the jump.
WARNING: It's a dude with a thumb for a penis.
Continue Reading " Completely Inappropriate Austrian PS3 Ad "
May 14 2008 Solar Boulder Holder Powers A Little Sign
Triumph International, a Japanese firm that really triumphs in the global lingerie market, has created the Solar Brasserie (not to be confused with the solar bikini or solar dress). It's a bustier that looks like it was made out of carpet and has a flexible solar panel pinned on. It also comes with some unusual looking padding that I thought typically went on the inside of lingerie. But what do I know? I'm not a underwear manufacturer, I'm just a man with a penchant for bra-ripened chestmelons. Oh, did I mention the solar panel powers a little scrolling sign? Because it does, and it can be programmed to read whatever the wearer desires like, "TSA - I swear this isn't a bomb" and "$50 for 30 minutes".
One more worthwhile picture of a sexy model (I actually mean it this time) wearing the thing after the jump.
Continue Reading " Solar Boulder Holder Powers A Little Sign "
May 14 2008 Another Annoying Alarm Clock To Break
Here at Geekologie we've had no shortage whatsoever of ridiculous alarm clocks that use various annoying methods to get you out of bed and ready for another horrible day of life. But here comes another anyways. When the $40 Puzzle Alarm Clock goes off it launches three puzzle pieces out of the base. You then have to find said pieces and return them to their respective resting places. It sounds like a freaking disaster waiting to happen. I would have that thing smashed to bits before you could say "where's the star piece?" Mostly because I never learned my shapes. That's right -- I was the kid in kindergarten that tried to wedge the square peg into the round hole and glued his head to his cot during naptime. But look at me now -- on top of the freaking world. Okay, maybe just on top of house. I'm gonna jump!
Puzzle Alarm Clock Looks Seriously Infuriating [uberreview]
May 14 2008 Man Grows Old Right Before Your Eyes
Wow, I really need to ramp up my efforts to live a more stress free life. I don't wanna end up like this guy, who, in the span of three years, went from a young dapper lad to an old diaper clad. Apparently he's a Japanese news reporter that let the stress of the job get the best of him. Listen, I've got a piece of advice for those of you out there that feel like you may be headed down the same path. Hookers. They help you live a happy, stress (but not necessarily VD) free life. I'd still frequent them if I didn't get wrapped up in this whole "marriage" thing. It's seriously killing me, and I've only been hitched for two years. It started with gradual hair loss, then a strange rash. Next came a chest pain, and now I can't hear (over the sound of my wife's blathering piehole). Oh no -- oh no. Hold on a sec. "Hey, wait, please don't go -- I need you. PLEASE. No, not them too. Come on, maybe tonight'll be the night. No I haven't been saying that for two years! Come back, I beg you!" *sobbing* Well folks, it's official -- my proverbial sausage has packed his metaphorical meatballs and left. Life as I know it, is over. I might as well become a leper.
May 14 2008 Honda's ASIMO Conducts An Orchestra
To calm your shaking nerves after that last prophetic post, I've decided to put up a less fear-inspiring robot feature. The last time we saw Honda's ASIMO here on Geekologie all he could do was fall up and down stairs (NOTE: you must watch those, it'll make you feel like we stand a chance in the robot war), but now -- now he can conduct orchestras.
The lights dimmed, the sold-out hall grew hushed and out walked the conductor -- shiny, white, 4 feet 3 inches tall. ASIMO, a robot designed by Honda Motor Co., met its latest challenge Tuesday evening: Conducting the Detroit Symphony in a performance of "The Impossible Dream" from "Man of La Mancha."
Whew, not nearly as frightening as the robotic killers in the last post, was it? I thought this might help. You can come out from under your desks now. Although...I suppose the little robotic bastard could stab a person's eyes out with the conductor's baton. Awh, shit. *shuffles back into the closet with my blankey and boob pudding*
Honda robot conducts Detroit Symphony to warm response [yahoonews]
Thanks to Matt F and The Superficial Writer. Say -- Matt and I, we, uh, totally tag-teamed Megan Fox this past weekend*. Yeah, and Optimus Prime taped the whole thing. I thought, I don't know, maybe you could do a post about it.
*High-five!
May 14 2008 Killer Robots Abound At Maker Faire
Michael, a brave member of my underground anti-robot coalition, the Fairly Unorganized Brotherhood Of Technology Saboteurs (FU-BOTS) did a little reconnaissance work at the recent Makers Faire to scope out our potential robotic killers. He brought along his trusty bowtie spy camera and sent me these exclusive pictures via messenger pigeon. As I've been screaming atop my soapbox forever now, we're seriously funked. Definitely hit the jump to see some of the carnage, including a robot tearing apart mannequins for practice, one about to rip an old woman's head off with its pincers, a scorpion-bot that has already cut someone's leg off, and a Birdo-inspired gunning robot. Now if I've said it once I've probably said it at least three times, people need to stop making these damn things. While Carzilla was certainly cool to see at that monster truck rally when I was six, this shit has gotten seriously out of hand -- and into limb-tearing claws. So I have no choice but to open membership to FU-BOTS to anyone who takes a pledge of robotic sabotage. Please send your applications to:
FU-BOTS
ATTN: The Geekologie Writer
125 His Treehouse
Anti-Robotville, Geekologie Island
Mom, bring me some cookies and milk when you deliver this
NOTE: All applications must include a picture of you destroying something metallic.
UPDATE: Another reader, Ian, has sent in some more exclusive pictures including a kid-eating giraffe, a flame spewing human destroyer, an Arnold Schwarzenegger robot crushing the earth, and a pretty scary cupcake.
Hit the jump for all the pics, but be warned -- it's a vision of the future.
May 14 2008 jDome Gives You 180° View While Gaming
The jDome is the brainchild of John Nilsson and allows a player 180° field of vision. "All you do is put the jDome in front of a projector, mirror the image in the projector, change the Field of View and you're good to go." Simple as that. Nilsson estimates the domes will go for $125-$200 as soon as he procures the necessary fundage to get them made. If you're really interested you can provide a donation at his website or make one yourself out of your little brother's bedsheet and sister's hula-hoops.
UPDATE: No, your audio isn't screwed up, John just has trouble pronouncing the name of his product (0:59).
JDome Gives First-Person Gamers 180-Degree Vision, Gives Me Headaches [gizmodo]
Thanks to Pork Musket, who games the old fashioned way -- with a real gun.
May 14 2008 Folding Grill Has A High Level Of Portability
The Notebook Portable Flat-Folding BBQ is a $40 grill that, even when collapsed, still has more sensuous curves than my girlfriend.
Picture the scene. It's the height of summer, or what passes for summer. You're off to the park with your chums. You've just had a big night out and you've got the serious 'munchies', as we believe it's called. You now have a choice. Run off down to the Co-op for a few tubes of Pringles... or run off down to the Co-op for a few chicken drumsticks, sausages, veggie skewers and massive fat burgers.
Oh yeah, I'm totally with you. Serious 'munchies', that's just what I've got. Oh God, I hate Pringles, those things suck, what I'm after is a delicious piece of man meat.
Fully collapsing to just a few inches thick, it's ultra-light and ultra-portable yet robust and sturdy wherever you choose to put it. Just plonk it down, light it up and you're a twisted firestarter, as my nephew likes to put it.
Umm, yeah. So should I call the police on this guy's pyro nephew or can one of you do it? In all seriousness though, I like the grill and will definitely buy one. Just as soon as they learn how to make folding bags of charcoal.
Product Page [gadgetshop]
Thanks Mulva, come over this weekend and I'll cook you up a dog. My wife's -- the damn thing keeps crapping on the carpet.
May 14 2008 Japanese Hooter Pudding: Definitely Not The Stuff Bill Cosby Used To Sell, But Should've
Japanese hooter pudding (aka double D deliciousness) are pudding packs that come in the shape of everyone's favorite pillows. That's right, inside the seemingly innocent packaging are two scrumtittilyumptios pudding receptacles. Sheer marketing genius. I love sweater yams and pudding, so this is a match made in heaven for me. Say, did I ever tell you about the time a lady friend and I messed around with some chocolate pudding in the sack? Yeah, it looked like someone shat the bed.
Two NSFW pictures of what's under the packaging, after the jump.
Oh, and can someone send me some?
May 13 2008 A Jawa Sandcrawlerload Of R2-D2 Cakes
Get it? Instead of boatload? I'm throwing rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. So I've been getting a ton of R2-D2 cake tips lately, and I've decided to just compile them into a single post and unleash the beast in one fell swoop. So here they are, starting with this handsome droid, that, get this, comes sans fondant. Oh snap, crackle and pop indeed my friends. A cake without fondant. All the ones after the jump are heavy on the fondantry, so yeah. Oh, and you've got to check out the picture of the Star Wars themed wedding party for the last cake (after the jump). Freakin' awesome. Almost as awesome as my wedding's theme, which was admittedly less Star Warsy and more "the biggest mistake of your life"sy.
All the must see pictures after the jump.
May 13 2008 Raku Ceramic Ray Guns Look Awesome
This is a raku style (low temperature ceramic firing) sculpture made entirely out of clay and glazed to look like a badass raygun. Each one runs about $275 and comes mounted on a 12" by 9" moon crater plaque so you can hang it on the wall. But, if you're gonna do what I think you are (turn it into a pipe to smoke weed), then you can probably just break that off.
Three more after the jump.
May 13 2008 Video Of Darth Drunkard Attacking Jedis Is Sadly Not Nearly As Exciting As I Had Hoped
Remember when that drunk guy wearing a garbage bag and swinging a lightcrutch tried to beat up on the founder of the Jedi Church? Well it turns out the event was videotaped. But sadly, the scene is nothing compared to the one I had imagined. The only time I got excited was when he swung the crutch and almost caught dude in the nose. But he didn't. He just hit the cameraman over the head and then ran away. Making him the suckiest drunk Darth Vader impersonator ever. I make a better Drunk Vader, and all I do is wear black and breath heavy. Although once I did try to use the Force (read: a grappling hook) to score a free bottle of bourbon from behind the bar. Unfortunately I miscalculated the swing, clocked myself in the head, and fell off the barstool bleeding. Now I know what you're thinking -- "Damn yo, the Force is weak with The Geekologie Writer." And sadly, you're correct.
Oh, and as an update to the story, dude had to pay $500 and won't be serving the 12-month sentence originally expected.
May 13 2008 Untooned Peter Griffin Looks Pretty Good
For those of you that never click through to the jump or check out the links I so lovingly provide, you probably haven't seen this. Unless it came to you in a dream or something. In which case I wouldn't trade dreams with your for all the money in your couch. Anyway, this is human-like Peter Griffin from Family Guy. It was an entry in the Reality Cartoons Contest I linked to in yesterday's Jessica Rabbit video post. If you've seen it (and especially so if you saw it by following the link I provided yesterday), then I applaud you, and you get an A+ in Internetellect 101 (yes, I'm going to continue using that until it catches on and I get some credit). Regardless though, this Peter Griffin untooning does bring up an interesting question: can someone get a naked Betty Rubble one to me at least 30 minutes before my wife gets home?
Since today is side-by-side comparison day on Geekologie, I've included one of Peter after the jump.
Continue Reading " Untooned Peter Griffin Looks Pretty Good "
May 13 2008 Jerrari Is Half Jeep, Half Ferrari, All For Sale
Looking to buy a car but can't make up your mind? Have you got it narrowed down between a Jeep and Ferrari? Well why not pick up this sweet-ass Jerrari and get both!
This one-off combines a 1969 Jeep Wagoneer with a Ferrari 365-GT front-end. Although currently equipped with a 350ci V8, it could easily be returned to its original Ferrari V-12 power plant.
That's right folks, the Jerrari is the lovechild of a Ferrari and Jeep that spent a romantic night together in the shadowy corner of a used car lot. You see, the two got drunk after lapping up the remains from some wino's jug that he accidentally knocked over while urinating on the side of the Jeep. Yep, they totally bumped bumpers, and the Ferrari squeezed the Jerrari out her tailpipe four months later. The Jeep soon grew tired of the Ferrari's constant bickering and cracked his own block. Now the Ferrari is selling her offspring so she can afford a CD player and new floor mats to attract another mate. Strumpet.
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures and a link to the auction which has a TON (literally, 2,000 lbs.) more and links to some videos.
Continue Reading " Jerrari Is Half Jeep, Half Ferrari, All For Sale "
May 13 2008 GTA4: Liberty City Vs. New York City
These are side-by-side comparison shots of New York City and Liberty City in Grand Theft Auto 4. New York is on the left, Liberty on the right. As you can see, they share some pretty similar architecture. But seriously, all 911 conspiracy theories aside, I couldn't find my favorite hot dog vendor (Ignatius of Paradise Vendors) in the game. I swear, something about those dogs -- so freaking delicious. I think Mr. Clyde may have stumbled upon the holy grail of boiled weenies -- the perfect pig lip to asshole ratio.
Several more comparison shots after the jump, along with a link to the Flickr gallery with them all.
May 13 2008 Hard Drive Crusher Looks Like Drill Press
EDR Solution's Hard Drive Crusher costs $11,500 and looks suspiciously like a slightly modified drill press.
With the Hard Disk Crusher you can crush over 60 disks an hour. It drills through the hard disk's spindles and physically creates ripples in the platters making it impossible to recover the data. One customer informs us that they destroyed over 9000 drives in a month, and another customer destroyed over 800 drives in day.The Hard Disk Crusher is durable and transportable. You can put it in your vehicle and take it from one location to another. It uses a standard 110 outlet and can crush a disk in 10 seconds.
If you can crush a drive in 10 seconds, why can you only crush 60 in an hour? That doesn't add up. Does it take 50 seconds to remove the drive and toss another one in? That said, if the power goes out and the feds are coming, you can get a hand pump option for an additional $895 that allows you to break drives with 15 hand-strokes. Warning: Blatant self-advertising ahead.
Okay folks, instead of buying a ridiculous $11,500 drill press to destroy drives, just send them to me. I just started a new company, No Data Left Behind. I destroy drives through a combination of drilling and feeding them to hogs. Of course, I can't actually guarantee data won't get left behind. Or that the drive won't be scanned for credit card info and/or nudey pics first.
Thanks to Gooch, who destroys drives the old fashioned way -- with his teeth
May 13 2008 'Marry Our Daughter' Website Is Wrong (But I Proposed To The Cheapest One Anyways)
Marry Our Daughter is a website where parents post their daughters and ask for proposals. There's a short paragraph explaining the girl, and then the cost of marriage. Prices typically range from $20,000-$50,000 but I found a couple runts going for less than $8,000. I'm pretty sure the site is a joke. I was going to propose to a $5,995 14-year old to test it out before I realized I don't want to burn in hell or have some pedo-taskforce bust down the door. So yeah, we'll just assume it's fake. Read a testimonial:
Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn't very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We've told our youngest that when she turns 15 we're going to marry her off too!
Okay, bad example. The other ones though, totally made up. That one was actually believable. Trust me -- my parents once traded me to a mechanic for a tire rotation and piña colada scented air freshener.
Thanks to "Knowing my mom, I'm probably already on there" Alexis
May 12 2008 Thanks Grandma, It's Just What I Wanted! A, Uh, MiWi. Oh Really, You Got A Great Deal?
Awesome, another fake video game console. Designed to trick elderly grandparents and disappoint children, the MiWi is a Wii knockoff (in case you couldn't tell). It's monster piece of crap and comes with a throwback N64-looking controller. The best part? It requires no AC power! That's right folks, the console runs on 4 AA's and the controllers 2 AA's apiece. What else do you get?
- Interactive Boxing,PingPong,Tennis,Golf,Baseball,Soccer,Bowling Games
- Wireless Joypad
- 16 Bonus Games
- New design 16 bit color games
- Accessories:1 Main console, 1 Wireless Joypad, 2 R/C stick , 2 PongPong Racquet, 1 Baseball Bat, 1 Tennis Racquet,1 Golf Stick, 1 Soccer sensor,1 AV Cable, 1 Giftbox, 1 User Manual, 2 game card
Wow, did that just say "New design 16 bit color games"? Is that really a new design? Weren't 16 bit games a "new" design in like 1987 when the Super Nintendo and Genesis came out? Regardless, I can almost guarantee I'll get one of these for my birthday. Good ol' Grandma Bertie. She'll spend an hour telling me how easy it was to find one despite what everyone says, and how cheap it was priced. Then, when she wakes up after having talked herself to sleep, she'll tell me how the checkout guy wouldn't accepted an expired Taco Bell coupon and she had to browbeat him until he sold it to her for the price of a beef gordita.
One more picture of the peripherals after the jump.
May 12 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Get Buried Underwater
Some people are happy being cremated and spending eternity in an urn on the fireplace mantel that the grandkids get all freaked out about. Others are happy with a traditional burial 6 feet under -- but some, some take it a step further and want to rest 45 feet under. Enter the Neptune Memorial Reef, near Miami. The artificial reef opened this last fall, and is an underwater cemetery. The first phase consists of gates, pathways, plaques, and benches, and can hold up to 850 people's remains.
The ashes are mixed with cement designed for underwater use and fitted into a mold, which a diver then places and secures into the reef. A copper and bronze plaque is installed with the person's name, date of birth and death. There is also a line for a message.
The cement mixer treatment starts at $995 for their most modestly priced receptacle, and goes all the way to $6,495 if you want to be incorporated into something wicked like a lion statue. The hope is that eventually the reef will cover 16 acres and hold the burnt remains of up to 125,000 people.
"This is simply as good as it gets," said Gary Levine, a diver who conceived the reef and is now a shareholder in the company that owns it.
Whoa there Gary, whoa there. First off, that is not as good as it gets. Having your remains shot into outerspace in a rocketship is as good as it gets. And secondly, it's a little hard to trust anyone who has "conceived a reef". Now I've conceived children before, but never a reef. As a rule I keep my conceiver away from anything sharp like coral. Cut up your junk real bad.
Several more pictures (including a lion) after the jump.
May 12 2008 Is This What A Real Sonic Would Look Like?
From the same artist that brought us the realistic Bowser painting, comes this one of Sonic The Hedgehog. He even included a little pixelated version of what a more realisitc hedgehog would have looked like in game.
The biggest challenge about this one was, that the original Sonic looks everything but realistic. He is so stylized, that it's hard to tell if he is a hedgehog at all. This made it hard to find a middle course between the initial design and the look of a real hedgehog.
In the end I decided to give him a color-pattern that resembles a West European Hedgehog but facial proportions that stick to Sonic himself. His white gloves and the red shoes he kept as another link to the original, but the shoes underwent a little redesign. In addition his body looks like that of a runner, making it more believable that he can run at such high speeds.
So, what do you think? Good, bad, or ugly? I can't really judge since I was caught soliciting my vote in return for "inappropriate" favors during a bikini contest. So yeah, banned from judging.
sonic the real hedgehog [essenmitsosse]
Thanks to Tal, who is not only faster than Sonic, but has more gold rings
May 12 2008 No, Seriously, I Really Mean It This Time, I Promise: The Robots Are Coming, Run!
Ha, and you thought our robotic overlords would only come in the form of giant blade wielding mothers didn't you? Well think again. How would you like to have that little guy climbing up your leg? You wouldn't would you? I didn't think so -- but too bad. BAE (which undoubtedly stands for Bot Apocalypse Engineering) Systems has released a promo video of the robotic insects they've been developing for the U.S. Army as part of a $38 million contract. There are spider-bots, dragonfly-bots, and other kill-you-in-your-sleep-bots featured, and each one scares the everliving hell out of me.
The robots will slither and crawl around corners, into caves, and through booby-trapped streets, sending images back to screens in a command center or to a screen mounted on a soldiers wrist. The purpose is to "extend the warfighter's senses and reach, providing operational capabilities that would otherwise be costly, impossible, or deadly to achieve," says Joseph Mait, MAST cooperative agreement manager for the Army Research Laboratory.
Well that's wonderful and all, but what happens when I find one of these guys at the foot of my bed in the middle of the night? I'll tell you what happens -- I soil a $1,800 Tempur-Pedic mattress. And then what? And then sob into a pillow and beg my wife to smash the thing with a slipper.
The video (which looks a lot like a crappy video game) after the jump.
May 12 2008 Guitar Hero Mod For One Handed Players
That handsome devil in the picture there is Ben Heckendorn, a man best known for his portable consoles and a number of one handed controller mods. Well he's back with another, this time a controller that allows someone to play Guitar Hero with a single hand (and foot). It's basically a pedal that replaces the strum bar. You just wonk on it with your foot when you need to strum, and press the buttons on the guitar like you normally would. Great job, Ben. I love the fact that there are people out there like yourself that take the less-fortunate gamer into consideration when you're modding. Now if you could just make a robotic arm that chucks a Wii Wheel at the television whenever someone loses at Mario Kart, I think we'll be set. Not that I have a use for one -- I don't lose. No, I think The Superficial Writer needs one. You see, while not handicapped in the traditional sense, he's no good at the game and throws a hissy fit whenever you red shell him. Plus he's just an all around poor sport*.
*I'm going to the free clinic this afternoon, you better have been joking.
One more picture of the device after the jump.
May 12 2008 Treadmill Bike Makes My Head Explode
Similar to last week's Naturmobil, the Treadmill Bike is half treadmill, half bicycle, and half ridamndiculous. The logic behind it made my head explode. Now my brain is exposed and one of the cats is licking it. Apparently the bike has been out for awhile, but since I have a penchant for the old, and I don't think it has been posted here before, KA-BOOM!, here it blows. Not much to say except I can't believe that guy is actually wearing a helmet -- the damn thing has a top speed of like 2.5 MPH (and that's if you're running like you want to have a heart attack). Horribly energy inefficient, the bike is also inefficiently priced at about $2,500. But can you really put a price on being the stupidest looking cyclist on the streets? Yes, $2,500.
A video of the bike inaction(!) after the jump.
May 12 2008 Dang, I Missed It: D&D Event With Chicks
Well folks, we missed it. A chance to toss twenty-sided dice and play with chicks. This Dungeons and Dragons themed charity event took place last Friday (May 9th) at 826NYC (a nonprofit organization whose aim is to help young kids develop their writing skills) and the winner took home a sweet golden plastic crown and the lands, title and rule of a kingdom that doesn't exist. Guys had to cough up $25 to get their magic missile on, but chicks played for free. Doritos and Pepsi were complementary. Man, I wish I had known about this sooner, I would have totally been there. I've never even played with a chick before, let alone D&D. Of course, there has been no mention of how many females actually participated. And, speaking from experience -- when a bar advertises "Ladies Night" you can expect no less than a full blown sausage convention. I don't know why I keep going back.
826NYC D&D Charity Event
Thanks to Steve, a man whose Magic Missile has destroyed entire villages
May 12 2008 UPDATE: Jessica Rabbit Untooning Video
Remember the "untooned" Jessica Rabbit picture from a little while ago? Well now there's a video of how it was done. And for those of you that thought it looked like Angelina Jolie, give yourself a hearty pat on the back for being so right -- the picture from which the artist pulled the realistic features was indeed everyone's favorite MILHSWWBCUBAC*. Now go out and buy yourself a pipe and magnifying glass, you deserve it you little detective you. So this is a video of the first hour of untooning packed compressed into 10 minutes. Feel free to skip around and get a feel for the process. But under no circumstances should you feel free to skip around and get a feel for your crotch. Remember, you're at work.
*have sex with while Brad cooks us breakfast and cries
Reality Cartoons Contest (a whole bunch of untooned characters worth checking out. Some are good, some are mad shitty)
Thanks to Josh, who was once propositioned by Jessica Rabbit at a bar in Toontown, but turned her down because her eyes were too big
May 9 2008 NES Controller Coffee Table Actually Works!
We've seen a NES controller case mod, a gigantic fake NES controller, and even a huge functional Atari controller, but never a humongous working Nintendo controller that doubles as a coffee table. Until now. Kyle Downes, a man I wish lived next door, was the creator of this wicked controller table.
Kyle spent months putting this together, starting with a scanned image of his original NES control. This he then simply scaled up, carefully crafting each piece out of MDF and hacking his own wiring onto a broken old controller board.
The glass can be removed if you want to use the controller to play (see video after the jump) and there is plenty of storage for other video game systems in the compartment beneath the controls (see picture after jump). Say, this gives me an idea...
UPDATE: Well they say hindsight is 20/20, but you've got to admit -- a fully functional Wiimote coffee table sounds like a good idea you first time you hear it, doesn't it? No? Well thanks for the warning. Now what the hell am I gonna do with this thing?
A bunch more pictures and a video after the jump. Have a good weekend everyone.
Continue Reading " NES Controller Coffee Table Actually Works! "
May 9 2008 "Game Over" Stop Motion Animation Is Great
Apparently this video is old. So old in fact that it was first discovered painted on the inside of a cave in France. So, yeah, freaking ancient. But I had never come across it before and it's awesome, so here it is. If you've seen it already and feel the need to type an obligatory "OLD!" in the comments, go right ahead. I'll be the first to congratulate you on your superior internetellect. Then I'll track you down and kill you. Just kidding, I don't care. Anyway, this is a stop motion animation of a bunch of deaths in video games. There's Centipede, Frogger, and several other classics. It is amazingly well done. I'm talking unbelievably good looking. Like my girlfriend. Happy birthday honey! Look, I said something nice about you on the blog for your special day. Of course I meant it, and all the readers know that too. Come take a look at it before I send it out to the interwebs. See, right there -- I implied you're unbelievably good looking. Now you get on in the kitchen and cook yourself a nice cake.
UPDATE: Sorry about that folks, obviously I didn't mean it. Except for the cake thing. I freaking love birthday cake.
Two more TOTALLY AWESOME videos by the same guy if you've already seen this one, after the jump.
Continue Reading " "Game Over" Stop Motion Animation Is Great "
May 9 2008 Kid Icarus Coming To Wii? I Hope So!!!
Kid Icarus is one of the best games ever made. If you've never played it you've never lived, but I'll give you a brief plot description anyways. Pit is an angel who has been trapped in the Underworld. He's given a magical bow by Palutena, Goddess of Light, to help destroy Medusa, Goddess of Darkness and Fugly, and restore peace to the world. Basically Pit rolls around kicking ass, avoiding those little grim reapers and eggplant throwers, looking good, and eventually sticks it to Medusa. It's good ol' fashioned fun and is available for the Wii Virtual Console. You should buy it, then we can take our relationship to the next level (possibly even holding hands).
Well now there are rumors that Kid Icarus franchise is going to be revived (after a single NES game, Gameboy game, and appearance in Smash Brothers)! OMGWTFANGELWINGS! Allegedly this is some very early concept art and looks nothing like what Pit resembles now.
The artwork we've published comes from a pitch document we got our hands on in the early part of 2008. Since then, sources have told us the game's artwork has advanced considerably. Despite this artwork not being reflective of the game's current standing, we've decided to share it so fans can get a look at what Factor 5 has experimented with.
The last nugget of information we have to share with you is in regards to the game's plot. At the time of the document's writing, Factor 5 had imagined a plot starring a grown-up, adult Pit, who is "cursed for thousands of years for a crime and becomes a 'fallen angel.'" The pitch adds that "a tattoo on Pit's arm bears the inscription of Pit's crime."
If you look closely you can almost make out the inscription. It says "I broke The Geekologie Writer's heart by not starring in more video games during the late 80's and early 90's when he needed me most". Oh my God, I think I'm crying.
UPDATE: False alarm. I thought I was tearing up but it turns out the wife spit in my eyes when I told her I'd trade our marriage for an early copy of the game.
More concept art after the jump, along with a link to the 30+ image gallery.
May 9 2008 Emergency Party Button May Create An Impromptu Sausage Fest, But Hopefully Not, Unless That's What You Were Hoping For
You come home from a long day at the office and it's time to get your swerve on. What do you do? Push the Emergency Party Button of course!
Basically, it is exactly what it sounds like; a button that instantly launches a party. When pressed, the blinds to my apartment close, the kitchen, hallway, dining room, and living room lights dim, the stereo starts blasting Haddaway - What Is Love, black lights turn on, laser lights start moving to the music, a strobe light goes on, and the fog machine starts up. With another press of the button, the party is gone as easily as it started. It may not be the most hi-tech thing in the world, but people sure as hell love it when they come over.
There's a build page here if you're interested in making one yourself. I'm definitely going to, but with a twist. Instead of being an emergency "party" button, it's going to be an emergency "uh-oh, I think that's my girlfriend at the door" button. It won't play music or dim any lights, but it will start the ignition on my jetpack.
A worthwhile video of the system in action after the jump. Oh, and another highly questionable one of some MIT kids that made something similar in their dormroom.
May 9 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Dissolving Bodies With Lye
Well it's not news that lye has been used in the past to dissolve bodies. But now it's being considered as a possible alternative to burying, being shot out of a cannon, and cremation by the funeral industry.
The process is called alkaline hydrolysis and was developed in this country 16 years ago to get rid of animal carcasses. It uses lye, 300-degree heat and 60 pounds of pressure per square inch to destroy bodies in big stainless-steel cylinders that are similar to pressure cookers.
The resulting brown, syrupy residue can then be flushed down the drain, or, if you're a real sicko, applied to waffles with a little butter. However the procedure does not come without its opponents.
"We believe this process, which enables a portion of human remains to be flushed down a drain, to be undignified," said Patrick McGee, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Manchester.
Hrrm, interesting. So how do you want to go? Personally, I want to go out sticking it to two supermodels. I couldn't care less what they do with my body after that. Just stuff me in a pizza box and throw it out with the trash.
New idea in mortuary science: Dissolving bodies with lye [newsvine]
Thanks Melissa, I hope you live a long, happy life
May 9 2008 Ridiculous Beer Pong Table Is Crazy, Nuts
Four couch burning engineers at WVU recently made a ridiculous beer pong table. And when I say ridiculous, I mean it's almost as cool as mine, which is two stools and my roommate's closet door. I recommend you let the video load and then skip to 2:15 to see the finished product. The first part is just still shots of the construction and wiring (which is worth watching if you're into that sort of thing). The table has tons of LEDs which move to the music playing, a nice WVU logo in the middle, and the coolest part -- swirling ball washers built into the table! I thought that was impressive. The kids are currently taking orders if you want something similar, you just tell them what you have in mind and how much you want to spend. But be warned -- this one cost over $1,000 to build and took over 400 hours to complete. Which is funny because at the beginning of the video it says that they only consumed 6 cases of beer during the project. 6 cases? I won't even drive a nail into the wall or mow the lawn without crushing at least 7 cases. Pussies. Oh shit WVU, you just got burned!
Seriously though, great job guys.
Thanks Shaina, lets take a trip up to Morgantown sometime and show them how its really done
May 9 2008 Ghost Mirror Makes You Look Ghostly
The Ghost Mirror is not what I thought it was. At first I thought it was going to be like one of those mirrors in the Haunted Mansion ride at Disney World where it looks like a holographic ghost is sitting next to you. This is not the case. Instead it makes you look ghostly.
In this mirror, the observer can see the reflection of his surroundings and yet he is never able to see himself.
Now I'm not totally sure how that works, but I've got the feeling that if that bookshelf shows up, you should too if you stand by it (so maybe you only disappear if you're really close). But there is, of course, the chance that an evil sorcerer lives inside the mirror and steals your image whenever you look at it. Yeah, that's probably it. You know, just from looking at her, you'd swear my girlfriend applies her makeup in a mirror like this. Seriously -- she looks like she got beat in the face with a paint can.
Ghost Mirror [pipeline]
Thanks David, now don't go and disappear on us
May 9 2008 Is Steampunk Fashion The Next Big Trend?
Probably not. I would definitely throw myself in front of a train before I was caught dressing like one of those wanksteaks in the top pictures. The guys on the bottom are looking pretty sharp though. I could do that. Maybe. Well there was recently an article in the New York Times Fashion and Style section about the steampunk fashion trend. I tried to read the whole thing but I mostly just looked at the pictures and ate three oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.
Quaint to some eyes, or outright bizarre, steampunk fashion is compelling all the same. It is that rarity, a phenomenon with the potential to capture a wider audience, offering a genteel and disciplined alternative to both the slack look of hip-hop and the menacing spirit of goth.
"As a subculture, we are not the spawn of Satan," Ms. Kriete said. "People smile when they see us. They want to take our picture."Steampunk style is also an expression of a desire to return to ritual and formality. "Steampunk has its tea parties and its time-travelers balls."
Stop the presses. I was this close to going out and buying a monocle and tophat until I read that. As a time traveler, I'm gonna have to take a stand against Steampunk taking my balls. I mean, that's just wrong. I need those for when I travel back to the Jurassic period to bang velocirapators dino-style.
A link to the NY Times article and several more pictures after the jump. And since it's Friday and I love you all, I included one of some smoking-hot steampunky chicks.
Continue Reading " Is Steampunk Fashion The Next Big Trend? "
May 8 2008 A Stripper Pole Wii Game In The Works?
Is there a stripper pole Wii game in the works? Possibly.
While details are sketchy, the thought is likely that such a game would take advantage of the Wii Fit balance board, which arrives next month. You can imagine how such a "game" might work, with players tasked with balancing on the pole for certain lengths of time or in certain positions.
The company behind the possible game is Peekaboo Pole Dancing, which specializes in pole dancing kits and videos (including the Carmen Electra one). There has been no word on how Nintendo feels about the idea, but my guess is not ecstatic. But who knows? I do. They're not ecstatic.
Ha, this reminds me of a funny story. When my siblings and I were in college my sister was moonlighting as a stripper. I went to the club once with a bunch of my friends for some steaks and entertainment, completely unaware of her secret profession. Lo and behold -- my sister dancing naked! Oh man, the hilarity that ensued. Seriously, you should have seen me trying to gouge my eyes out with the end of a T-bone. Hilarious.
Game company plans stripper pole for Nintendo Wii [yahoo]
Thanks to Heather, the best dancer you'll never get to see
May 8 2008 What The Apocalypse May Look Like (That Is, If It Happened Naturally And Not At The Hands Of Giant Robots And/Or Zombies)
These are pictures of the Chaitén volcano erupting in Chile (the country, not the delicious mixture of beans, meat and spices) and creating a "dirty thunderstorm". Dirty thunderstorms are caused by the incredible amount of static electricity generated in a volcano's ash plume and are not to be confused with "dirty thunderwearstorms" which are created when a coworker (i.e. The Superficial Writer -- thanks a lot dude) is taking his afternoon nap on the only commode in the building and there's nowhere else to relieve yourself.
Several more pictures of the apocalypse after the jump.
May 8 2008 Mouse Coat Created, Raises Ethical Questions
The Museum of Modern Art in New York recently had this installation, "Victimless Leather", on display. It's a coat made out of mouse embryonic stem cells. However, after just a month the coat was too large to continue growing in its flask and had to be killed. Now the creator of the exhibit doesn't know know how to feel about it.
I've always been pro-choice and all of a sudden I'm here not sleeping at night about killing a coat...That thing was never alive before it was grown.
This is almost certainly going to open a whole new can of whoop-ass worms on the ethics and moral dilemmas associated with experiments and art of this nature. Perhaps the most important of which is, "It's totally straight to shrink ray your kids so they fit in little mouse coats, right?"
May 8 2008 Original NES Gets Redesigned, Sleekified
ReNESED is Javier Segovia's name for his redesigned Nintendo Entertainment System. As you can see it's a little sleeker, has some added color (namely red), and wireless controllers. Plus there's a funny looking placemat. I'd demand Javier make me one, but I don't need another Nintendo because I had a doctor install one in my brain. Well he isn't really a doctor in the traditional "medical" sense, but he has stabbed a lot of people in prison. Which I think is at least deserving of an honorary Ph. D in Stabbyology from the University of State Corrections.
Another picture of the redesign after the jump.
Continue Reading " Original NES Gets Redesigned, Sleekified "
May 8 2008 Hood.e Hoodie Features Integrated Speakers
The hood.e is the brainchild of Tim Dubitsky. It is currently being prototyped, as Tim continues to work out the kinks (like if you should wash speakers on the hot/cold or warm/warm setting). Tim has this to say about music and how it should be listened to:
There is a soundtrack to life, and now it's not just in your head. Throw on your hood.e, plug in your favorite mp3 player, and you're ready to roll (and rock). The embedded speakers make it possible for you to share your latest favorite track without the awkward ties of a tethered earbud. After all, music should enhance your life, not shut it out.
There's a soundtrack to life, huh? If that's the case mine would be filled with tracks about being in a dead-end relationship with yourself, having an ex-wife and two kids that hate you, and trying to kill yourself in the oven but failing because you can't afford to pay the gas bill. I'm sure people would love listening to that soundtrack.
Another picture of the hoodie after the jump.
Continue Reading " Hood.e Hoodie Features Integrated Speakers "
May 8 2008 Sweet (!) Companion Cube Birthday Cake
A guy who goes by N III sent me a little tip about this delicious Weighted Companion Cube cake. He writes, "My girlfriend decided to be awesome, and collaborate with a friend to make a pretty fantastic rendition of the Portal companion cube in the form of a birthday cake for me." Now that is so sweet. I wish I had a girlfriend that gave me something besides a mysterious rash for my birthday. Listen, I know what you readers are thinking -- "fondant tastes like plaster", but that's not what this is about -- this is about a girlfriend who lovingly made a companion cube cake for her boyfriend. If fondant is the key to wicked cake artistry, so be it. So just save your "I once fondanted my gonads and the dog wouldn't even lick it off" comment for somewhere else.
Two more pictures of the cake (including one with it cut so you can see the red-velvety deliciousness inside) along with a link to a bigger gallery, after the jump.
May 8 2008 Google Maps Reveals Sweet Squadron Art
Remember the crack deal caught on Google maps? That was pretty awesome wasn't it? Yeah, awesome and wack. Because crack is wack. Well now a reader of Geekologie has sent in some sweet squadron art via Google maps. According to my informant, Wes:
I just came back from Kadena Ab. in Okinawa Jp. and I just found your site. I think you might like these links from Google map. The first one is from my old office -- we were the 44th Fighter Squadron and we were the vampire bats so guess what was on top of our building? The second link is from our sister squadron the 67th -- they were the fighting cocks. Seriously, let the penis jokes fly but here is what the tops of each office looks like.
Man, that is freaking awesome. Inspired by this information, I Google mapped my own house to see what was up there. Unfortunately the zoom wasn't good enough, so I'm getting out the trusty ladder to take a first-hand peek.
UPDATE: Damnit, no roof art here. I did find a dead bird in one of the gutters though, so the the kids aren't allowed to drink out of the downspouts for at least a week.
Hit the jump for a picture of the penis, along with the links to the two maps.
May 8 2008 The Tetris Theme Played On Empty Bottles
First the RC car Mario theme, and now this. It's a video of the Tetris theme "as arranged in the Dr. Mario & Tetris SNES video game". It's played by three people and a bunch of empty bottles. It seems like they originally recorded it at half speed and then sped the video up (it sounds like there's a metronome clicking in the background too). But I could be wrong (I've been wrong before). All I know is that these kids have some serious talent and I want to support them. By, uh, drinking all the booze out of the bottles they need. I'm what's considered a "generous patron of the arts". I bet you didn't know that about me did you? What about the nipple on my back?
Youtube
Thanks Shawn, how about you and I split a bottle of bourbon? I'm buying.
May 7 2008 I Know What I Want For Mother's Day!
It's this -- Craftsman's 1,470 piece tool set. Actually 10 other different tool sets combined, it includes such hits as the:
300 pc. Professional Tool Set
198 pc. Advanced Essentials Professional Tool Set
189 pc. Specialized Essentials Professional Tool Set
204 pc. Advanced Access Professional Tool Set
106 pc. Advanced Professional Tool Set
89 pc. Specialized Access Professional Tool Set
83 pc. Fully Polished Ratcheting Tool Set
77 pc. Heavy-Duty Mechanics Tool Set
94 pc. Auto Specialty Tool Set
130 pc. Professional Impact Tool Set
Now if you're a woman you're probably thinking to yourself, "You know, I should probably be in the kitchen cooking something". And I wouldn't argue . Kidding ladies! That only applies to my wife. But if you're a guy you're probably thinking, "Is my firstborn son worth the $8,600 pricetag?" And the answer, sadly, is no. You're gonna have to sell the second one too.
Product Page (check it out for more pictures of the individual sets and whatnot)
via
$8,600 Craftsman 1470 piece tool set: your house is doomed [dvice]
May 7 2008 Website Lets You Graffiti Any Other Website
Paintthatshitgold.com not only stole the domain name I wanted, but it actually made pretty cool use out of it (not the website I was gonna make about people with gold privates). Basically you enter any URL you want, and then the site it provides you with graffiti tools (markers, spray cans, stencils) so you can graffiti the hell out of it. I did one for the best website on the interwebs (Geekologie), and you can see the results above. Now I know what you're thinking, "Damn, The Geekologie Writer has mad graffiti skeelz." And you're right, I do. I swear, you put a spraypaint can in my hands, and I'll huff the hell out of it.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Kids, huffing is bad. Don't do it. Not even a spot of delectable model airplane glue. It really does destroy your brain, and not in a good way like alcohol. Just look at me, I'm priving loof.
Oh, and if you make anything good, attach the link in the comments
Thanks Jason, now lets go tag the shit out of the neighbor's house
May 7 2008 Brightdoor Makes Its Locked Status Obvious
The Brightdoor is green when unlocked, red when locked. Pretty simple, but it's making that girl in the picture glow like the devil. Apparently Lervik Design (the company responsible) first made just handles that lit up. But after realizing you could waste a lot more energy if the whole door glowed, they created this monstrosity. But as ridiculous as it is, I kind of like it. But instead of indicating locked or unlocked, I think it should be enter/do not enter (serving a similar function to the "do not disturb" signs in hotels and the sock you used to hang on your dormroom door in college). And here's why: One time a girlfriend of mine in college was studying for an exam all night, so I decided to go out and get drunk and mack on all the soon-to-graduate chicks at the bars. So I had a good time with the ladies and eventually ended up back at home. And what should happen? My girlfriend, who promised she would be studying all night, decided she was already prepared for the exam and came over to sleep in my bed. I was completely unaware of this. So, lo and behold, she comes over and busts open my bedroom door. And there I was, having sex. With myself. To anime. She screamed and broke up with me right there. And what I learned from the situation is this: I can't believe I just told you all that story.
Brightdoor: Well, the Door is Securely Locked, But I Haven't Slept in Days [gizmodo]
Thanks to Shawn, who once forgot to hang a sock on the door and his roommate walked in on him with four chicks in the bed
May 7 2008 The Naturmobil Is A One-Horsepower Vehicle
The Naturmobil is the brainchild of Dubai (you know, the United Arab Emirate that's always building crazy stuff) resident Abdolhadi Mirhejazi. It's a one-horsepower vehicle. Literally! Can you see the horse in there? He walks on that treadmill, which both powers the vehicle and charges a battery. I don't know if they have to dangle a carrot over his head or not.
Mirhejazi also discovered the horse can power two LCD advertising screens mounted on the sides of the Naturmobil."Bearing in mind the originality and uniqueness of the idea, Naturmobil was designed and built to achieve the maximum level of attention from its audiences," said his marketing manager, F. Minooeifar.
Wait a minute. This Mirhenjazi character has a marketing manager? I don't have a damn marketing manager. Of course, I don't have a one-horsepower eco-vehicle either. What I do have is a wicked magic act that features two mind-blowing card tricks. I'm seeking representation. Anybody interested? Come on, I can even work a pigeon into the act.
Several more pictures, including one of the device that catches the horse's crap while he's walking (I know I was curious), after the jump.
Continue Reading " The Naturmobil Is A One-Horsepower Vehicle "
May 7 2008 Designer Guns Great For Gaudy Tramps
Couple one of these guns with a designer gas mask, and you're guaranteed to be the tackiest thing trying to run in stilettos during the coming robot/zombie/candied yam/werewolf/douchebag/vampire/lobster apocalypse. Created by Peter Gronquist for his art exhibit "The Revolution will be Fabulous", each weapon looks god-awful. That said, I'm sure they'll sell like hot cakes. Oh wait, they have.
Gronquist's show opened last night at Gallery 1988 in Los Angeles. The pieces ranged from anywhere from a few hundred bucks to several thousand and several, such as the Louis Vuitton chainsaw, have sold.
This is just crazy. Anybody who actually bought one of these things should be locked up for having absolutely no theology or geometry. Well, except for the guy that bought the golden Louis Vuitton chainsaw -- he sounds cool as shit and writes this blog.
Hit the link for a TON more name-brand weapon ridiculousness.
May 7 2008 Portal Inspired Beer Stein Is Making Me Thirsty
This is a Portal inspired beer stein. It costs $15 and was created by a guy named Marc who really liked the game and even sleeps with a companion cube at night and everything. As you can see in the picture, beer is being poured from a tap, entering a blue portal, and then exiting the red portal and filling up a stein. Nothing fancy, just nice and simple. Now before you go off on a tangent about how your penis could make something better, it hasn't, so, yeah. But if it ever does, send it to me and I'll post it. Anyway, I bought one of these to replace my Garfield "I'm not a morning person" coffee mug at work. Except I'm not gonna drink coffee out of it -- I'm gonna drink beer! Sometimes liquor. And if a coworker questions why I smell like the juice I'm gonna stick my foot up the portal to their large intestines*.
*Their b-hole.
May 7 2008 University Of California, Berkeley Marching Band Does Nintendo Themed Halftime Show
This is a video from November of UC Berkeley's marching band doing a Nintendo inspired half time show. I would have posted it early, but honestly, UC Berkeley didn't accept me and I hold grudges. And for the record -- filling out a college application in crayon shows creativity, damnit. And the coloring book page I included proved that, while creative, I can still color within the lines when necessary. Well anyway, this is the school's marching band doing a Nintendo themed half time show. They start off with a little Tetris, then move on to some other stuff, until the 3:10 mark (I recommend just watching this part) when they start hitting those Zelda notes. Mario Bros. follows that. It was pretty impressive, but the performance left a little something to be desired. Namely a better performance. Just kidding, that's the grudge talking.
Another video of the infamous Gordon College live action Super Mario Bros. performance in case for some reason you haven't seen it.
May 7 2008 I Never Met A Flavor I Didn't Like: Baskin-Robbins Co-Founder Dies At 90
Hold it together Geekologie Writer. Irv Robbins, a man my girlfriend swears deserves two Nobel Peace Prizes, has passed away at the age of 90. Robbins is best known for putting the Robbins in Baskin-Robbins and providing invaluable aid in my girlfriend's quest to gain 30 pounds. In all seriousness though, I used to eat the hell out of some Baskin-Robbins as a kid, and Irv helped create countless memories for millions of ice cream loving children and adults alike. *sniffle* Thanks Irv, I hope you're rambling along that great Rocky Road in the sky. *sniffle* Hold me, mint chocolate chip.
R.I.P. Irv Robbins (December 6, 1917 - May 5, 2008)
Baskin-Robbins Co-Founder Dead At 90 [aol]
Thanks Pat, let's go out for a quadruple scoop in Irv's memory
May 6 2008 Holy Repo, Batman: The Batmobile Is On eBay
Remember Tim Burton's 1989 film classic Batman? You know, the one with the guy from Mr. Mom, that chick from L.A. Confidential, and the dude who I always confuse with the golfer with a similar name? Yeah, that one. Well one of the five Batmobile props is up for sale on eBay at a cool $500,000. It's prop car 5/5 and only has 58 miles on the odometer. The 20-foot long, 8-foot wide vehicle is built on a custom frame and powered by a Chevrolet 5.7L 350 engine. I kind of want it, but not that bad. I mean I already have a car. If I bought a Bat-vehicle, I'd go for something I didn't already have. I'm thinking Batman's yacht, the Batty Batshit.
UPDATE: Well the auction used to be there. Now the item has been removed. I hate to start wild speculation about what happened, so I'll cut straight to the chase -- the freaking Joker stole it.
Hit the link for a whole bunch more pictures and a link to the auction page where the auction used to be.
Continue Reading " Holy Repo, Batman: The Batmobile Is On eBay "
May 6 2008 Luncheon Meat With Faces Just Tastes Better
This is some delicious pork luncheon meat. With a face. As you can see from the sign it's 80% pork and 20% something else they figured wasn't worth mentioning in the product description. Which means it's probably the most delicious lunch meat on the planet. I mean, 20% mystery filler AND a kid's face? That's a recipe for yummy if I've ever heard of one. I would have downed the hell out of this stuff in kindergarten. Speaking of which -- back then they wouldn't give us dessert unless we ate our whole meal. So you'd have to sneak the nasty stuff to a portly kid or stuff it in your socks when the teacher wasn't looking.
Another picture of Builder Bob meat (and I mean that in the most unpervy way possible), after the jump.
Continue Reading " Luncheon Meat With Faces Just Tastes Better "
May 6 2008 Tallest LEGO Tower Is Pretty Tall, But Wired
I know what you're all thinking, "Damn, Geekologie ain't had no sweet LEGO posts in awhile, how am I supposed to get my fix?" Well put the needles down my friends, the LEGO post is back, this time in the form of a monster puke colored tower. The Legoland Windsor theme park in England recently broke the world record for tallest LEGO structure (which was 96.1 feet) with this motley mother. The scraper of skies stands inches short of 100 feet (add a couple more blocks you fools!) and took just under a billion individual LEGO blocks to complete. Did you fall for that? I was just wondering if you'd believe that if I said it. Because it didn't really take a billion blocks, just 500,000. It's pretty awesome and all, but how about removing those wire tethers? That makes it kind of questionable. I want to see it stand on its own. Which is why I just started construction of the world's tallest freestanding LEGO tower. I made it to five feet but ran out of blocks. So I tore a couple blocks off the top and created a mask. That's right folks -- I'm robbing Toys "R" Us, wish me luck.
UPDATE: A pimply teenage clerk hit me in the face with a broom handle and my mask broke. They recognized me as the guy who's always hanging out in the LEGO section. I tried to grab one of the new Indiana Jones sets and make a run for it, but some hag hit me with her shopping cart and threw my back out. Now I'm laying face down in a holding cell at the police station with a slipped disk or something. Some other guy keeps touching my ass and I keep telling him to stop. I can't even see what he looks like. I guess the real lesson here is this: next time I'm making my mask out of K'Nex.
A couple more pictures of the LEGO highness after the jump.
Continue Reading " Tallest LEGO Tower Is Pretty Tall, But Wired "
May 6 2008 Win Lobsters In A Claw Machine. HAAHAHA A!
Get it? Lobsters, claw machine? Lobsters have claws, this claw machine has lobsters, I have no brain. I've actually known about these machines for a while, because I was filming a documentary about people (me) who get drunk and travel around to bars playing claw games. If you think I'm joking I have three trashbags filled with stuffed animals and crap to prove it. Oh, and I saw one like this at a seafood restaurant in the Outer Banks. The place would even cook your lobster for you if you won. But it cost $1 to play so I only got to try twice. And even being a claw machine expert, I couldn't freaking grab the crustaceous bastard I had my eye on. I did manage to tear one of his legs off though.
NOTE: Not really.
Worthwhile video of people playing, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Win Lobsters In A Claw Machine. HAAHAHA A! "
May 6 2008 Zip Holder Keeps Your Zipper Up, Prevents Embarrasing Situations (Exposing Your Junk)
The Zip Holder is a very simple product. It consists for a rubber band that loops through your zipper hole, then over your pants button. It keeps your zipper up so it doesn't sneak down to the bottom and end up exposing your tubesteak to everyone on the #9 train. Pretty clever, but seriously, pants are on their way out -- especially ones with zippers. As a rule I don't want anything with metal teeth (especially Jaws from the Bond movies) that close to my moneymaker. Seriously though, it is my moneymaker. I moonlight for a strippergram company. Lots of Rick Roll requests these days. Hey, I don't care, it pays the bills -- there's no shame in my game. Fine, there is. Tons. Mountains of shame.
ZipHolder Zipper Holder Makes Pantsings Super Difficult [gizmodo]
Thanks to Shawn, who doesn't wear pants and the ladies are totally cool with that
May 6 2008 "Verb For Shoe" Shoes Are Available, $700
The Verb for Shoe "smart shoe" has been in the works since 2004. It was developed by MIT spinoff company VectraSense and they're finally accepting preorders. What do you get for your $700?
An embedded computer that automatically adjusts the shoe to your feet, syncs with your PC, and communicates with the shoes of others to exchange contact information.
Wow, for all that functionality I was expecting to pay at least $1,000. Of course, if you don't have $700 you could just, oh I don't know, buy a pair of shoes that fits and write people's contact information on your hand. For that kind of Pillsbury dough I was expecting flubber soles, a couple burning lasers, and a money back guarantee that you can't lose a bar fight if you're wearing them. I guess what I'm getting at is this: I lost a bar fight last night. I was wearing sandals. And, contrary to popular belief, beating someone in the head with a flip-flop doesn't do shit.
Verb For Shoe "smart shoe" finally goes on sale for $700 [engadget]
May 6 2008 Geek Flowchart From The New York Times
This is a flowchart from The New York Times that explains that if you're exposed to Dungeons and Dragons too early in life you end up developing an intense relationship with computers and never get any sunlight or chicks. It's pretty accurate. Especially the part about LOLCATS, those little guys are just too precious. And I love they way they talk. HAY I IZ IN UR POST BEIN CUTEZ. See, that was my cat. Just kidding, they don't ever talk. They just shit on the guest bed, which the dog eventually eats.
NOTE: To the friends that stayed at our place this past weekend, that was totally a joke*.
* Psyche, you nasty!
geek flow chart is way too accurate [technabob]
May 6 2008 Duck Hunt Lamp Is Looking Zappertastic
Based on the picture quality this thing could have been made 450 years ago. But I doubt it because the Nintendo Zapper and Duck Hunt didn't exist until at least the mid 1800's*. So we'll just assume the picture was taken with a pinhole camera made out of a Quaker Oats canister that someone forgot to eat all the oats out of first. It's a Duck Hunt/Zapper lamp. It looks good. I'd make one and put it in the living room but I'd stumble into the end table drunk one night and destroy it. That and I'm not sure how I feel about desecrating old school Nintendo cartridges (okay, the lamp's base is actually larger than a real game and made out of cardboard) and peripherals to make household objects. Well, except for the Power Glove. Sweetest oven mitt ever.
I Love Duck Hunt Lamp [albotas]
May 5 2008 How To Traumatize Your Children
My parents didn't need a book to effectively traumatize us for life. They did a fine job on their own. Well for today's slacking parents there's How To Traumatize Your Children, a book in the Self-Hurt series (along with How To Cut Yourself).
You'll learn how to:
- Determine your traumatizing "type"
- Cultivate your children's resentment
- Give your children enough material to write a memoir someday
- Defend your choices against others who've opted to traumatize differently
How To Traumatize Your Children Book [ohgizmo]
May 5 2008 It's About Time: A Sun Bed For Your Pets
Cats and dogs love the sun. They just want to lay in it and get all hot and smelly and delicious. Well for those of you out there that live in a windowless apartment or just keep the shades pulled all the time because you walk around with your junk flapping in the breeze, there is still hope for your furry little loved ones. And it comes in the form of a SunSpa.
The SunSpa's elegant wooden arch provides a stable base and convenient handles for easy maneuverability. The light itself maintains a comfortable temperature of 80-85 degrees on the bed's surface, lasts 5000 hours and is 150 watts. The luxurious Crypton (where Superman suckled his mother's teat) fabric cover is odor resistant, water resistant, stain resistant, and is machine washable. Along with the cover, the soft foam padding folds up for easy storage.
So there you have it. No word on price, but it's probably more than opening the freaking blinds. But less than a popcorn machine -- which, incidentally, is what my cats use to stay warm. So if you ever come over it's best to politely decline any popcorn I offer.
May 5 2008 Whew, I Can Finally Move On With My Life: Boomerangs Will Work Without Gravity
Finally, the weeks old question has been answered. Boomerangs work in space and are not dependent on gravity to work their magic. Say, here's an interesting fact: Did you know that the boomerang was first invented by Crocodile Dundee? It's true. I think this whole boomerang thing leaves a lingering question unanswered though, and that's this: Screw a boomerang, let's throw some damn horseshoes.
UPDATE: Horseshoe smashed instrument panel. Lots of stuff malfunctioning. I think my spaceship knows which way to go, tell me wife I love her very much she knows. Actually, scratch that -- just tell her if she has sex with any other dudes when I'm dead to not bother coming to heaven.
Boomerangs In Space [ohgizmo]
May 5 2008 Bald Eagle To Receive Bionic Beak
Beauty is a 7-year old Alaskan bald eagle whose upper beak was shot off by some stupid asshole. Unable to hunt or drink effectively, she was slowly starving to death while scrounging for food in an Alaskan landfill. Finally discovered, she was taken to a bird recovery center in Anchorage and hand-fed for two years with the hope that her beak would regrow. It never did. About to be euthanized, she was taken to Jane Fink Cantwell's Birds of Prey Ranch in Idaho as a last ditch effort. There, somebody came up with the idea of creating a bionic beak for the bird. Mechanical engineers, dentists, veterinarians, and other experts all volunteered their time to help the bird, and the beak is about to be attached.
Molds were made of the existing beak parts and scanned into a computer, so the bionic beak could be created as accurately as possible. The nylon-composite beak is light and durable, and will be glued onto the eagle.
Still able to breed, it is hoped that Beauty will one day get banged by a male eagle in midair and have babies. Truly heartwarming.
Oh, and I don't actually know if the beak will have a little antennae or make beepity boopity noises, but when you hear the word "bionic", you just have to assume.
A really sad picture of what the beak looks like sans bionic Photoshopping, after the jump.
May 5 2008 Super Long Foosball Table Is Mad Super Long
This is allegedly the world's longest foosball table (but not the bathtubbiest). It was made by Amstel (purveyor of that fine Amsterdamian beer) to coincide with the European Champions League Finals. It takes 22 players (two soccer teams worth) to play a game. Being a lover of foos, I'd love to give it a go on that sucker. It'd certainly be the longest game of foos I'd ever play! Get it! There was a double meaning there. Long time-wise and long like someone should punch me in the nuts because I deserve it. Unfortunately I could never actually play on this table because I hate strangers and have no friends. Something about being "no fun to hang out with" and "a major fruit-flavored douchepop".
Table Football XXL, the largest Foosball table in the world [dvice]
May 5 2008 We'll Never Get This Thing Up To 88MPH!
44MPH maybe -- but 88? Not without a shit-ton of fireworks strapped to the back!
Picture [cslacker]
May 5 2008 Chainsaw Tongue Thingy Is Completely Wrong
This is one for the ladies. It's a female pleasuring device made from a chainsaw with fake tongues instead of blades. And even though it looks incredibly dangerous it'll still probably put my company (Mustache Rides, Inc.) out of business. It was made by a U.S. based pron company that specializes in making very wrong things like this (whose website you should definitely not go to at work). Oh, and please nobody send this link to my girlfriend.
UPDATE: Okay, who did it? I make one simple request and somebody immediately goes and sends the link to my ladyfriend. I thought we were cool. Now she called and broke up with me, citing "irreconcilable differences between you and a vajayjay licking chainsaw". Thanks a lot, whoever you are.
An uncensored pic of the thing (which has a sticker on it that says F#@$ing Machines and has a lewd graphic), and a NSFW link to Wired (you can find a link to the company that made the machine on that page but I'm warning you, it burnt my retinas out) with even more completely unacceptable sex thingies that are perverting the world's youth.
Continue Reading " Chainsaw Tongue Thingy Is Completely Wrong "
May 5 2008 Man Orders Beer Coffin, Uses It As A Cooler
The Geekologie Writer has a drinking problem and may or may not have alcohol poisoning this morning. But, being the brave cosmonaut that he is he's going to curl up on the cold bathroom floor until he feels better.
Me: Hey liver, how you feeling this morning?
Liver:
Me: Liver?
Liver:
Me: Uh oh.
Anyway, Bill Bramanti loves Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and had a coffin made that looks like a can of the stuff. He's using it as a cooler until he dies. Bill Bramanti is an American hero and I suggest he replace that clown Hamilton on $10 bills.
Illinois man designs beer can coffin [usatoday]
Thanks Judy, I'll buy you a beer when my economic stimulus check arrives
May 2 2008 Zombie-Apocalypse Survival Truck Is Out Moonlighting As A Storm Chasing Vehicle
Somebody took these pictures at a gas station in Kansas. They show what is allegedly a tornado chasing vehicle (they're hot on the tail of that one that got Dorothy). Now I've never watched Twister, mostly because tornadoes scare the shit out of me and I was born with a monster vajhyena (its bark is worse than its bite), but I doubt Helen Hunt was driving one of these. Was she? I didn't think so. So, that leaves only one question left to be answered -- what is this vehicle's true identity? Does the government know something we don't? Are the zombies coming? Because if they know the zombies are coming and they're not telling us, that is f***ed the f up. And I'll be damned if the zombies munch my brain. That's why I'm stealing my neighbor's truck tonight and starting construction of my own zombie assault vehicle. I'm mostly just gonna weld a bunch of sheet metal to the body, but I may opt for a flame paint job if it turns out good. Oh, and I'm going to make a bunch of custom bumper stickers with clever zombie-related slogans. Stuff like "Brain: Not the other gray meat you stupid asshole zombies", and "If you can read this you're unusually smart for a zombie but I'm still about to back the f*** over your head".
Several more pictures for your apocalyptic-viewing pleasure, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Zombie-Apocalypse Survival Truck Is Out Moonlighting As A Storm Chasing Vehicle "
May 2 2008 Use Whatever You Want For Clock Hands
Well, you can't really insert anything you clock fetish pervwads. Just things that are relatively small, cylindrical, and lightweight. But everything that meets those criteria is fair game. Like, um, severed fingers (I recommend using a thumb and middle finger -- 3 and 9 o'clock will be hilarious!). Seriously though, this thing is pretty clever. It's really got me thinking about what time it is. Which, right now, is time to find two more things to post about. And then -- then it's time to mow the lawn and shower. But after that -- well, by then the wife will be home and it'll be time to play video games and tune her out while she complains about her day at work.
Several more pictures of the thing and what you can do with it (use twigs!) after the jump off. And yes, I posted this to make up for that coat hanger timepiece from earlier.
May 2 2008 Xerox Paper That Erases Print In 24 Hours
Xerox has decided that, since people can't seem to stop printing things, and that wasted paper is environmentally unfriendly, they'd make a self-erasing paper product.
The paper contains specially coded molecules that create a print after being exposed to ultraviolet light emitted from a thin bar in a printer. The molecule readjusts itself within 24 hours to its original form to delete the print, or heat can readjust the molecule instantly.
Each page can be used up to 100 times provided you don't spill coffee on it, crumple it, or otherwise desecrate the paper in a way that would prevent from going through the printer again. Personally, I think this is brilliant, and a great way to save paper. Of course, I haven't heard a mention of cost, which is probably significantly higher than the paper's non-magical competition (regular damn paper). I just wish I had slipped a sheet of this in when my marriage certificate was being printed. You know, so I could be released from the chaffing bonds of this unholy matrimony.
UPDATE: Hmm, so it seems that this is old news, so I'm not sure what the hell this article was talking about. Oh well, hopefully you hadn't heard about it before (and that disappearing ink gag shit you used to spray on people as a kid doesn't count).
Xerox Spy Paper Will Self Destruct In 24 Hours [ohgizmo]
May 2 2008 Analog GPS Unit Is Just A Piece Of Paper
In this day of Garmin, TomTom, and Magellan GPS navigation systems, it's good to see an analog alternative to the digital market. And here it is, the Paper GPS system. As you can see it's a pad of paper that has little arrows to circle and boxes to write directions and mileage between turns. Each pad costs $6.50 and makes a great gift. You should have seen the look on my girlfriend's face when I told her I got her a GPS navigation system for her birthday! She was so freaking excited (she gets lost easily). Then she opens the box and it's a pad of this paper. Oh man, I laughed my ass off. Unfortunately she didn't have too much trouble finding her way to the door, and, that night, some other dude's bed.
paper gps won't get you lost (if you write good directions) [technabob]
May 2 2008 World's Most Expensive House Costs A Lot
Mukesh Ambani, the fifth richest man in the world, is having a new house built in Mumbai. Mukesh made his money as head of Mumbai-based petrochemical company Reliance industries. His net worth is over $43 billion and he, his wife, and 3 kids currently live in a 22-story tower (the whole thing). You know, my girlfriend and I once lived in a Ford Festiva for 7 weeks. So why anybody needs a $2 billion, 550 foot high, 400,000 square foot home for five people is beyond me. I mean, we could have accommodated three more people if we had had a Taurus or some other mid-sized sedan. Hit the link to see some more pictures and a link to an in-depth article explaining all the crap inside, but I can't write about this anymore, it's just too frustrating. But you know what? While Mukesh may be rich in a monetary sense, my life is rich in tradition. Yep, traditionally I come home from work at six, drink eight beers and a pint of bourbon, eat whatever culinary abortion my wife has prepared, then pass out. And a tradition like that, Mukesh, is something money can't buy.
Several more renderings of the interior, and a link to the article, after the jump.
Continue Reading " World's Most Expensive House Costs A Lot "
May 2 2008 Coffin Couches: A Little Morbid For My Taste
Looking for a unique couch? Looking for a unique couch made out of a "display model" coffin? If so, check out these Coffin Couches. Each one is constructed from a real dead body receptacle (last year's models) and can hold up to 900 pounds (despite the spindly looking legs). You can buy one off the site, or order a custom setup and each costs around $4,500. Now are you thinking what I'm thinking? Hell yeah, making love on a coffin! Just kidding. Anybody that was actually thinking what I was pretending to think there should really consider getting help. Oh, and you shouldn't be allowed to own a shovel and flashlight, or live within walking distance of a cemetery.
A couple pictures of a Los Angeles Dodgers model after the jump.
Continue Reading " Coffin Couches: A Little Morbid For My Taste "
May 2 2008 Japanese IV Drip Cafes Just Aren't Right
When I think of a cafe I think reading the morning paper and sipping an espresso while ogling the cute barista that I have a crush on. NOT an IV drip. Well, following in the footsteps of oxygen bars come Japanese IV drip cafes. For about 2,000 yen ($20), you too can be pricked by a registered nurse and get your drip on.
Tenteki10, located in the swank area of Ebisu, Tokyo, offers customers a walk-in service that features IV drips starting at 2,000 yen ($20). The service is meant to provide a skin care boost, act as an anti-aging remedy and alleviate stress and exhaustion.
I hate needles, so this is clearly not for me. I mean I could make an exception if there was morphine involved, but I've got a feeling there isn't. The last time I went in for surgery I had an IV drip and the anesthesiologist injected the anesthesia into the bag and told me to count backwards from 100. I made it to 98 and then woke up after the surgery. I felt funny. Down there. I lifted my gown and the once tranquil forest surrounding Peckertown had been clear cut! If I ever break my arm again I'm not going back there.
IV Drip Cafes emerge as Japanese salaryman jumper cables [dvice]
May 2 2008 Steampunky Watch Also Looks Coat Hangery
I don't have much information about this steampunky watch, so we'll just make it up as we go along. Let's see, it looks like the designer has a real penchant for coat hangers. Oh, and it looks uncomfortable to wear. That said, I'm sure it's a real attention getter. But mostly "oh my God, I think that poor guy broke his wrist and made his own brace out of coat hangers" attention. But hey, all attention is good attention in my book. And that's why I always scribble my number on the urinal dividers at truck stops.
One more picture of the timepiece after the jump.
Continue Reading " Steampunky Watch Also Looks Coat Hangery "
May 1 2008 Oh Hell Yes: The Personal Rocket-Copter
We've seen personal helicopters here before, but nothing with the added awesomeness of jet-power. Well now from the same company that brought us the Rocket Belt (Tecnologia Aeroespacial Mexicana) comes the Libelula (named after a part of a woman's nether-region if I'm not mistaken) Rocket Helicopter. It's currently just conceptual, but they actually sold the Rocket Belts, so this may become a reality as well (oh hell yes, please). "By using tiny rocket motors at the tips of the rotor blades, the Libelula eliminates the torque which makes a tail rotor necessary in a conventional helicopter." Now, as a guy who judges how much fun something will be based on the level of danger involved, I give the rocket-copter a "moderate-to-high" ranking for fun potential. If they added bombs and missiles it'd score a solid "high". If it came with a faulty fuel gauge, one of the blades was just barely attached, and people shot at you every time you flew it I'd give it an "extreme" rating. Which, besides having unprotected sex with my ex-girlfriend, is the only activity to rank so highly.
Strap on rocket powered helicopter lets you demonstrate your bravery [dvice]
May 1 2008 Video Of The R2-D2 Home Theater System
Remember the R2-D2 home entertainment system we posted a while ago? Well here he comes again, this time with a video to prove his existence and functionality. In case you're too lazy to click the old post's link (or is convinced I was trying to send you to a porn site), I've included the system's features here.
R2-D2, an icon of cinema and a comfortable fixture in any home theater, actually uses a projector in the films -- so of course he'd make the perfect DVD projector at home! Able to project from a distance of over 16 feet with an 260-inch image, this is one R2 unit that will soon be playing back the entire message in homes across the country. Check out these features:
* Picture by DLP from Texas Instruments
* Project to ceilings and walls up to a 260-inch picture
* Resolution: 1024x768
* Contrast Ratio: 1800:1
* Lumens: 1500
* Built-in CD/DVD player. Also plays MP3/MP4 video
* iPod docking station, memory card and USB slots
* Built-in 20 watt stereo speaker system
* FM wireless audio out (channels 1 through 7)
* Full-function: forward, reverse turn 360 degrees and recline
* Millennium Falcon remote control with removable stand
* Head turns using Millennium Falcon remote control
* Plays the most popular R2-D2 sound effects
Unfortunately it appears R2's cost has increased from $2,800 to $2,995. WTF? I mean, what's it look like, I'm made of money? That's ridiculous. Like my mother told me when I was a child, I'm made from snips and snails and puppy dog tails. And, as my best guess, my girlfriend is made from a giant pie-hole that only stops talking about nonsense long enough to jam a carton of Oreos into. I don't care about what color the freaking window treatments are, just buy some!
I didn't mean that honey. I think we should go with a light brown shade like wheat or sand so they'll coordinate with the love seat and my dignity.
R2-D2 Projector In Action Video (Verdict: A Must Have) [gizmodo]
May 1 2008 Albert Hofmann, Father Of LSD, Passed Away
Albert Hofmann, the father of LSD (that awesome stuff that makes the walls melt and/or talk to you), has died of a heart attack at age 102.
Albert Hofmann (January 11, 1906 - April 29, 2008) was a Swiss scientist best known for having been the first to synthesize, ingest and communicate the strong hallucinogenic effects of lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD). Hofmann authored more than 100 scientific articles and wrote a number of books, including LSD: My Problem Child. On January 11, 2006, Hofmann became a centenarian, and the occasion of his 100th birthday was the focus of an international symposium on LSD.
That's a picture of him there at age 100, looking healthy and zany as ever. Which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that acid is, in fact, the fountain of youth.*
* This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA. It has, however, been evaluated by me tripping balls and going to the rollerskating rink. Which was great -- I talked to my skates for over an hour. Good people.
Wikipedia
Thanks to Kathryn, who's a real trip to be around, for the tip
May 1 2008 Coming Soon: Space Flights For Cheaper
Thought Virgin Galactic had the public space travel market sewn shut? Well think again -- there's a new player coming to the game.
The company, XCOR Aerospace, of Mojave, CA, announced that its two-seat Lynx suborbital spaceship will carry people or payloads to where they will experience weightlessness and see the stars above and the Earth and its atmosphere below. This will launch XCOR into the emerging space tourism market, estimated at over a half-billion dollars.The Lynx will offer affordable access to space for individuals, researchers and educators," said XCOR CEO Jeff Greason. "Future versions of Lynx will offer ever-improving capabilities for scientific and engineering research and commercial applications.
The spaceship, roughly the size of a small private airplane, will first take off in 2010 and will be capable of flying several times each day.
Rides will last approximately 30 minutes from take-off to landing, but there's no word on pricing yet. It's definitely going to be cheaper than $200,000 Virgin Galactic rides, but probably still expensive. My guess is a tentacled arm and leg! Get it? Because aliens have tentacled appendages. That was a space joke. Just like this one: Why doesn't NASA let me fly the space shuttle? Because I'm a freaking idiot!
Another picture showing what a typical flight will consist of, along with a worthwhile video, after the jump.
May 1 2008 OLD!: Ferrofluids Are Amazing To Watch
Here, I'll help: OLD! Methuselah probably watched this in his 8th grade science class. But here it is anyway. I'm mainly posting it because ferrofluids are freaking awesome and you may not have seen them. That, and I secretly like posting old things because it reminds me of my childhood when life was carefree and I didn't have to worry about this rash.
A ferrofluid (from the Latin ferrum, meaning iron) is a liquid which becomes strongly polarized in the presence of a magnetic field. It is a colloidal mixture comprising extremely small magnetic particles suspended in a liquid. The particles are coated with a soap or detergent to prevent them from clumping together.
Basically it's a magical black liquid that makes a lot of spikies in response to magnetic stimuli and is amazing to watch.
UPDATE: I just got an email from a very reliable metal expert, and he has something he wants to say about ferrofluids.
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Thurs 2008-05-01 12:58
To: Writer, The Geekologie
Subject: Ferrofluids
Geekologie Writer,
I really want to stick my metal rod in that ferrofluid.
Best,
Magneto
Youtube (links on page to other ferrofluid videos as well)
Thanks to Amy, a rare-earth magnetic beauty herself, for the tip
May 1 2008 Portable NES Gaming Systems On eBay
Still got a bunch of old NES cartridges lying around? Want to play them while you're on family car trips instead of listening to your mom and stepdad bicker over whether you're stopping at Arby's or McDonalds for lunch? If so, you may be interested in the FC Mobile console (or the solar-powered portable emulator). It plays the original NES cartridges and is available on eBay for $40-$50.
Take your NES games on the road with the FC Mobile Console. Featuring a 2.4" LCD screen and stereo speakers, you can recreate your NES experience right in the palm of your hand with the FC Mobile Console. Want to show off your gaming skills to your friends while you play? The FC Mobile Console supports a TV output connector so that you can make or break your NES experience right on your TV screen.
That's what I'm talking about. I love "showing off my gaming skills to my friends while I play". Hey guys, check this out -- I'm playing Super Mario 3. Now watch, I'm gonna fall off this platform into a pit and die. HA, did you see that shit!? I totally owned that pit, didn't I? Hell f'ing yeah I did -- they're called skills folks, and I've got tons of them. Now somebody tell my mom to bring us the Sunny-D.
eBay Auctions
via
fc mobile console plays original nes carts [technabob]
May 1 2008 Custom Ninja Gaiden Handpainted Shoes
I know what you're thinking my fellow geekologists, you're thinking "damn, it's about time we see some more handpainted shoes so we can rip into them like a horde of zombies munching the last brain on earth." Well the wait is over my esteemed colleagues. These custom Ninja Gaiden slip-ons feature Ryu Hayabusa in all his stealthy glory. They were painted by some chick for her boyfriend, Roger. Hats off to you, Roger, you done scored yourself a good one. She even used slip-on shoes, so she probably knows how much men hate laces because they always come untied and get dragged through urine puddles in public restrooms. Good girl. Not only does my girlfriend not paint me shit, but she hides my shoes when she's mad at me. She's sick. Literally -- we think it's dysentery. Damn you, Oregon Trail.
One more picture after the jump, along with the link to a high-res version.
May 1 2008 Company Specializes In Secret Passages
Creative Home Engineering is a firm that specializes in build secret passageways into your house. Which is pretty much the awesomest thing I've ever heard (besides hearing that American Gladiators was coming back, but before I saw one and realized it was a disaster). They make everything from the stairs you see here, to bookshelf doors and rotating fireplaces. Prices range from $5,000 to $250,000 depending on how ridiculous you want to get. You know, growing up I lived in a house with a little secret passage. It was in the upstairs hallway. I was always afraid to see where it led but one day I went for it and climbed in. I fell two stories into a hamper by the washing machine. It was awesome.
Several more hidden passageway pictures, and a link to the company's gallery, after the jump.