Aug 31 2007 Rocking Chair Is Scary, Will Eat You
Designer Mathias Koehler has come up this thing, the "Rocking Wheel Chair" that features an overhead light for reading. It also features scary as hell styling and comes complete with a sense that it will tear your heart out and eat it before it's done beating. Rocking chairs are made for the porch where you sit playing banjo, drinking moonshine, and cat calling all the girls that go by. Call me crazy, but I'm just not feeling it (or anything really, since my girlfriend backed over me for banging her roommate).
Rocking Chair Is Scary, Will Eat You [gizmodo]
Aug 31 2007 Robotic Cats Don't Pee On Electronics
Sega Toys has released a line of robotic cats in Japan, because, um, people can't care for real cats. The cats interact with you and when you pull their tails they hiss (just like mine!) Unlike mine though, they don't tear up furniture or pee on your electronics. Another thing they don't do is drink liquids, because I fed one a dish of milk and the damn thing's head shot off and caught fire. Despite the drawbacks, I'll just stick to analog cats.
Video advertisement after the jump.
Aug 31 2007 Tenori-On Music Sequencer
When I first saw this thing I was so hopped up on White Out and spray paint that I thought the guy in the picture was trying to burn a hole in me with his laser eyes. I'm pretty sure he still is, but I noticed that he's holding something. That thing is the Yamaha Tenori-On musical sequencer.
It consists of a screen, held in the hands, of a sixteen by sixteen grid of LED switch buttons, any of which can be activated in a number of ways to create an evolving musical soundscape. The LED switches are held within an aluminium frame, which has two inbuilt speakers, as well as a number of buttons and a dial, which control the type of sound produced.
It's been in development for several years, and is apparently going to be released in the UK in September. I couldn't find a figure on the cost though, which means it's probably more than I'll ever have. Until then, I'll just keep making the only music I know how, the music of love. With the ladies. Lots of them. Pretty ones. Like my girlfriend when I first met her but not anymore. Oh jesus am I in trouble. Honey, if you're reading this I guess you just broke up with me.
A video after the jump.
Aug 31 2007 Cologne Makes You Smell Like Craft Time
Demeter, a fragrance company notorious for their offbeat odors (sushi, humidor, dirt) has released a Crayon scent that is sure to drive the kindergarden ladies wild! At $19 per ounce, it's a little more expensive than melting crayons on yourself, but probably safer. A must have for the under 6 crowd, nothing says "I accidentally glued my genitals to my leg during craft time" like smelling of crayons.
Cologne Makes You Smell Like Craft Time [gizmodo]
Aug 31 2007 Web Trends Transit Map
The incredibly brilliant Japanese at Information Architects are at it again, this time developing a map of web trends modeled after the Tokyo subway system. The different colors represent different site categories (news, sharing, etc.) and actual sites are depicted with what web generation they belongs to, along with a forecast for the site's future. I found this relatively interesting, except for one major flaw. According to my calculations, Geekologie should be right there smack dab in the middle with a big ass star around it, and maybe some firework motion graphics to really set it apart. Instead they didn't put it on there at all. Foolish bastards, Geekologie IS the internet.
Interactive Version of Map [thanks to professional websurfer Emily for the tip]
Aug 31 2007 Zubbles Are Colored Bubbles!
They are bubbles. They are colored. They are awesome! Zubbles have been in the works for almost a decade, but they aren't hitting the market until spring of 2008.
Zubbles are soap bubbles that used special dyes called leuco dyes allowing them to be colored. The purple bubble uses a chemical called crystal violet lactone. The soap mixture that produces them was the first in the world. Invented by Tim Kehoe, a toy creator from St. Paul, Minnesota, the bubbles have a very distinct color and do not leave stains. After they have popped, the color disappears with friction, water or exposure to air.
I'm going to have to talk to my girlfriends about producing some children ASAP so that I will have kids to buy these for. Because heading down to the park with no kids of your own and playing bubbles with random children is less like fun, and more like getting the police called.
More pictures after the jump.
Aug 31 2007 Laser Record Player
If you've got $14,000 to throw around and really love your vinyl, then maybe the ELP Laser Turntable is for you.
Instead of a needle dropping down on your stacks of wax, four lasers read the reflections of your records' grooves, while a fifth tracks each record's warp to keep the reading beams' height constant. The result is more accurate sound reproduction than a traditional stylus produces, with all the warmth that purists crave, minus the wear and tear on the record.
This is great, but $14,000? Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of dropping the needle on a Barry Manilow album and watching the clothes melt off beautiful women, but for that kind of money I'd rather huff a truckload of model airplane glue and play with myself.
PC World [thanks to the unbelievably gorgeous Beth for the tip]
Aug 31 2007 Magical Pen Turns Analog to Digital
The Fly Fusion pen ($80) may look like just another vibrator, but this one is special. When used in conjunction with the $8 Fly Fusion Notebooks, it can magically convert your analog notes and doodles to digital format! The technology behind this breakthrough is called very tiny dots. These dots, almost imperceptible to the human eye, are all too clear to the pen, which uses them to figure out what the hell your chicken scratch is. The pen can also play MP3's and games and there is a slew of software available to teach you different subjects like algebra and French. While this product comes highly recommended, who the hell takes notes anymore? I never took notes in college, I just took digital pictures of the chalkboard whenever the teacher wrote something. And a bunch of the big breasted co-ed next to me, because, well, I'm a booby fan.
Product Site [thanks to Cygnus the Magnificent for the tip]
Aug 30 2007 Pac Man Rug Is Cool
Our Children's Gorilla, perhaps the worst named, and most expensive store for children, is selling this ultra sweet Pac Man rug. It measures about 7' x 10', and is allegedly one of only two in existence, made from 100% wool in beautiful Portugal. The price though, at $1,800 is, well, a lot of money for a video game themed rug. My bearskin rug didn't even cost that, I just had to wrestle that bastard to the ground and skin him with my teeth. Now he resides in front of the fireplace, where he's seen more than his fair share of toothless hookers I've picked up at the bus station.
Pac Man Rug Is Cool [ohgizmo]
Aug 30 2007 Crayola's Talking Ruler
Crayola, a company best known for those different colored snack sticks, has just released an audio ruler for kids. You roll it along and it leaves a trail of disappearing ink to ensure that you measured what you wanted. It will then tell you how long the distance was, in quarter inch increments up to a foot. A foot? That's pretty weak, for $8 I was expecting a little more. I was just about to order one too, to measure my ding-dong. I can hear it now. "Your ding-dong is three feet long and you should tote your balls in a wheelbarrow." No joke I should.
Crayola's Talking Ruler [ohgizmo]
Aug 30 2007 Helicopter Boxes Deliver Goods
Dropmaster has come out with CopterBoxes, which are cardboard boxes that act as miniature helicopters so you can throw stuff out of planes without it breaking too bad. The three blades spin at 450 rpm, helping to slow the package's descent to around 40 feet per second. Allegedly they're way cheaper to use than parachutes, and can hold up to 100 pounds per box, which means that I probably shouldn't try to ride in one. Or at least not until I test it out first on my next scientific assistant (read: mail order bride). The last one just died testing my latest jetpack.
A video after the jump.
Aug 30 2007 Portable Battery Operated Shower
If you're anything like me you don't shower because your natural pheromones attract the ladies like rare earth magnets. But if you prefer to smell like soap, then this Coleman product allows you to cleanse yourself anywhere you want. It's a battery operated shower that runs off four D batteries (and costs $27). The tank holds around 5 gallons and you will look really dumb using it like the guy in the picture who is hopefully about to get hit by a car. Or if you don't want to buy this thing you can do what I do, which is steal the elderly neighbor's garden hose. And electricity. And car sometimes.
One more picture of the product after the jump.
Aug 30 2007 Dork's Car Gets PWNED
First of all there should never be an Oldsmobile with a license plate "PWNAGE" unless you are referring to how much your life sucks and how it seems that God constantly pwns the hell out of your ass for being such a failure. Example: I live a life of constant pwnage -- I found out my girlfriend is humping my roommate, my dog got hit by a dumptruck, and now the world floods and destroys my one joy in life, the Oldsmobile my late grandmother left me. Then it might make sense. Because I think we can all agree the only thing this guy has ever PWNED is his own dangle.
Dork's Car Gets PWNED [therawfeed]
Aug 30 2007 Custom Laptop Designs
Former Alienware product development engineer Oscar Zapata launched a new company this week, called NVousPC (very clever!) that customizes laptops with any color paint or image you want. You can choose different colors for each part of the laptop, including bottom, and upload images to their website to be printed on. If you don't buy a new computer from them (starting at $999), you can send in your old piece for a paintjob as well (starting at $186). Or you can just send it to me along with $8 and I'll hook you up with some sweet holographic unicorn stickers, maybe a few garbage pail kids, and top it off with some scratch and sniffs for good measure.
Check their website for tons more pictures.
Product Site [via therawfeed]
Aug 29 2007 Rotary Cell Phone Is Awesome
Because retro is apparently the new futuristic, here is the cell phone of the future, the Sparkfun Electronics Port-O-Rotary. The company retrofits the old phones with all the necessary electronics, so all you have to do is add your SIM card and you're good to go. The rotary dial works for outgoing calls, and incoming calls ring the actual bell style ringer. They claim battery life is good for 4-5 days on average, which isn't too bad. The cost is though, at $499 ($399 if you buy 100 or more), it's an expensive personal communications device. But none of that really matters, all that does is that now you can talk dirty to your girlfriend on a rotary phone whenever you want without your mother picking up the line in the kitchen and screaming at you.
Rotary Cell Phone Is Awesome [gizmodo]
Aug 29 2007 Barefoot Running Shoes
Vibram's line of FiveFingers shoes (shouldn't that be FiveToes shoes?) are, um, unique. As an owner of Nike Air Rifts (that just have the big toe separated), I find these oddly appealing, yet disgustingly disgusting looking. I just hope none of my winter gloves catch sight of these things, because they'll fight them for being copycats. They sell for between $70-$100 and are allegedly great for all sorts of make believe sports like ChiRunning, Pose Method Running, and Bouldering. And, if they're anything like my barefoot style running shoes, they're even greater at smelling like ass.
Product Site [big thanks to Kendrick for the tip]
Aug 29 2007 Lightsaber to be Sent to Outerspace
Since last week's very unfortunate Star Wars news I've been looking for something that will lift my spirits a bit. And well, I can't totally tell if this does or not, but it is pretty wack. According to NASA, they are sending the original lightsaber prop from Star Wars to outerspace aboard Discovery in October.
Chewbacca, the towering Wookiee best known from the film as Han Solo's co-pilot on the Millennium Falcon, will officially hand the lightsaber over to officials from Space Center Houston during a ceremony at the airport. Joining "Chewie" will be other characters from the six-part sci-fi classic, including Boba and Jango Fett and together they help push back the airplane on the tarmac.When the shuttle arrives in Houston, the flight will be greeted by a troop of Stormtroopers and other Star Wars notables including the droid R2-D2, who will deliver the lightsaber to a waiting line of Hummers outside the baggage claim of the William P. Hobby Airport. Accompanied by a police escort, the soon-to-be real space artifact will be driven to Space Center Houston to be exhibited inside a vault that currently displays moon rocks.
That just doesn't even sound real. I'm pretty sure someone is pulling my leg here. I mean, the lightsaber was made in outerspace, why does it need to go again? I'm pretty sure this is a publicity stunt by NASA to get some attention. Like that time they tried to say they put men on the moon and it wasn't made of cheese and crackers. What nonsense.
Lightsaber to be Sent to Outerspace [ubergizmo]
Aug 29 2007 New Age Piggy Bank
Becky Miller, a regular da Vinci of our times, has designed the "In Case of Emergency Break Glass" bank. It's a bank that looks like one of those fire alarms, except I'm thinking that this thing doesn't have real glass. And that hole in the top looks plenty big to shake all the coins out. So what you're left with is a conversation piece to hang up in your home. "Hey buddy, stupid bank you got there on the wall." "Thanks man, I know, I'm a freaking idiot." "You can say that again, you are one dumb bastard." "I really am, I'm a total failure at life."
New Age Piggy Bank [yankodesign]
Aug 29 2007 Game Offers Chance at First Kiss
For those of you out there that have yet to make it to first base, it might not be too late. Toys4Me is releasing Electronic Spin the Bottle, because, uh, analog bottles are stupid and will not get you laid. The damn thing costs $34, which is ridiculous to pay for something I have a ton of in the recycling bin. It does take me back though. Sitting in a circle, watching the bottle slow down, praying it lands on Suzy, the 4th grader of my dreams. Then having it go too far and making out with my sister for a half hour. God, I think I just puked in my mouth a little.
Game Offers Chance at First Kiss [ubergizmo]
Aug 29 2007 Complaint Coconuts Not Edible
MIT Media Lab researcher Tad Hirsh has developed, um, these things. Coconuts with cell phones inside that call the San Jose Airport complaint line when they detect low flying aircraft noise. The following is a real message one of them leaves, believe it or not.
Uh… Hey. Um, yeah. So… Um, this is…. Yeah, no, like, I’m… Shut up, no, I’m talking. Okay, so, yeah. So, all these planes, man… It’s crazy. It’s like a roooaarrrrr. Dude, I need a pizza… Could you send me a pepperoni pizza? Dude, that would be great. Wait wait wait wait wait, put some mushrooms on that. Yeah, mushrooms. Sweet.
Now with messages like that, this project is going to accomplish nothing. Better to call it off and tell bums in the area there are trees that grow cell phones, then film the hilarity that ensues. Then pay two of them a dollar each to punch the hell out of each other.
Check out the official site to listen to the other painful messages.
Official Site [via ohgizmo]
Aug 28 2007 Beer Machine Makes Beer
A Popular Science photographer, John Carnett, has created "The Device", which makes beer from start to finish in one very beautiful (and shiny) unit. John, who will now be known as the man that made my heart melt, even hopes to add another section that makes the beer's raw ingredients from grain. I don't know what to say about this, except I've been staring at it and crying for over an hour, trying to get an email off to John asking if he'll marry me.
A video of "the device" after the jump.
Aug 28 2007 Body Heat Activated Chair Changes Colors
Erin Hayne and Nuno Gonçalves at Visual Reference Studio have created a line of furniture that changes color based on body heat. Named the "Swamp Collection", the line is so expensive you have to contact them for pricing, then wait 6 weeks for the piece to arrive. I got to see one of these and sit on it, but it burst into flames and set the house on fire as soon as my privates made contact. I'm just too hot. My Hypercolor shirts never did that.
Body Heat Activated Chair Changes Colors [ohgizmo]
Aug 28 2007 Zen Garden Sink Kills Plants in Style
Designer Jean-Michel Gauvreau has brought to us the Zen Garden Sink. Which, if you can't tell, is a sink that has plants growing in it for a very short period, then transforms into a sink that has dead plants rotting in it for a longer time. Sure it looks pretty cool, but come on Jean-Michel, there isn't any mention of a filter or anything that would indicate that real plants might stand a chance. As a strict sink urinator, I imagine my good fortune bamboo plant would be dead by the afternoon the sink was installed.
Zen Garden Sink Kills Plants in Style [ohgizmo]
Aug 28 2007 Cell Phone Runs on Single AA Battery
Willcom and Sanyo got together to develop this thing, a cell phone that runs off of a single AA battery. Which, with no screen or anything, doesn't seem like that much of a feat. I mean it only gets 5 hours of talk time and 250 hours of standby. Now if it ran off brainpower, then we'd have something. Who needs caller ID or to store naked pictures of ex-girlfriends on your phone when you can have this thing. Which, I might add, looks remarkably like the "lightsaber" I found in my girlfriend's underwear drawer.
Cell Phone Runs on Single AA Battery [engadget]
Aug 28 2007 NASA's New Rocket
NASA has been doing extensive testing of its new 5M15 rocket out in the Mojave Desert, and by the look of things, it's awesome. The engine runs off compressed liquid methane, which NASA believes to be a smart choice.
The odorless substance has multiple advantages over conventional rocket propellants: It's cheaper, it requires much less insulation, and it exists on several planets NASA hopes to travel to, like Mars.
After watching the video I think it's safe to say that it's perfectly normal if it makes you hot and bothered. I had a pup tent appear as soon as the engine fired up, and I'm going to display it proudly all day as my way of saying "I love rockets".
The video after a jump (make sure to have the sound up for full effect).
Aug 28 2007 Pepper Spray Ring Keeps You Safe
If you're tired of being beat up and robbed, then the Stunning Ring may be something to consider. By no means stunning in the traditional jewelry sense, it does pack the strongest dose of pepper spray available, over 400 times that of a regular jalapeno. It projects a 12 inch spray that can nauseate, burn, and otherwise maim would be attackers. The ring costs $30, and spray refills are $8. You should have seen the time I jokingly got down on one knee and presented this to my girlfriend. She swooped in to see if there was a real diamond and I doused her right in the eyes. Oh god, we still laugh about that to this day. Just kidding, she left me that night.
Pepper Spray Ring Keeps You Safe [gizmodo]
Aug 28 2007 Google Earth Now Features Outerspace
If you haven't heard already Google announced the launch of the Sky feature that is now included in Google Earth. It, um, lets you look at stars and planets instead of buildings and people. You can go to any location on earth and view what the sky looks like from that spot. You can also "blast off" and check out galaxies and nebulae and other things that don't really exist and are all make believe. Trust me, as a cosmonaut I know. You get up to the earth's atmosphere and it's just like a big cinderblock wall with stars and stuff painted on in glow paint. Kind of like the stickers on the ceiling in my bedroom. Come on over ladies and I'll show you the Little Dipper. I mean Big Dipper. Big Dipper. HUGE Dipper.
A completely unscripted video after the jump, explaining the new features.
Aug 27 2007 World's First Automated Restaurant
A new restaurant in Nuremberg, Germany is opening with no waiters. Because it's an automated restaurant! Named 's Baggers (yes that's correct, it starts with an apostrophe) the restaurant's only employees are the cooks (who should be replaced with robots). Patrons order via touchscreen (which doubles as credit card paying device), and the food is delivered via gravity from the kitchen above along steel rails. This place is awesome, and anyone who has been let me know. You know what else is cool? I've heard that if you have two legs or a wheelchair or even a walker and can locate the door all the food you order is free.
A few more pictures after the jump, including one of two vagrants clearly involved in identity theft.
UPDATE: Video added.
Aug 27 2007 Laptop Fire Case Study
Well by now I'm sure you're aware that laptops and cell phones have been blowing up all over the place recently, and I present to you this case as an example of what not to do when something of yours explodes.
Douglas Brown, a computer network administrator from Columbus, Georgia said his Dell 9200 wide-screen laptop's batteries exploded into flames, it "looked like fireworks which would have been cool had it not been in my house." Brown called 911 and the fire department responded with two pumpers, a ladder truck, the HAZMAT unit, an ambulance and the battalion chief.
Now I've told many women I've met in bars that I'm a forensic scientist, so I practically am. And based on my expert opinion I'm going to have to say that this Douglas character should have his "man" status revoked and be demoted to "infant". Look at that fire, does that look 911 worthy? I've put out bigger flames on birthday cakes. In the time it took him to dial 911 I'm pretty confident he could have put that fire out with, well, anything. So, when something of yours goes boom, don't be a Douglas, stomp the damn thing like any normal person would.
Laptop Fire Case Study [therawfeed]
Aug 27 2007 360 Degree Light Field Display
Shown at SIGGRAPH 2007, the Interactive 360 Degree Light Field Display won the Best Emerging Technology Award. Designed by USC's Institute for Creative Technologies, the system is capable of producing interactive 3D graphics to multiple viewers in 360 degrees.
The display consists of a high-speed video projector, a spinning mirror covered by a holographic diffuser, and FPGA circuitry to decode specially rendered DVI video signals. The display uses a standard programmable graphics card to render over 5,000 images per second of interactive 3D graphics, projecting 360-degree views with 1.25 degree separation up to 20 updates per second.
Now I'm not totally sure what all of that means, because I'm an astronaut and not familiar with light field displays, but I think what they're saying is that the next time R2-D2 projects Princess Leia in 3D it's going to be in my bedroom and she's going to be naked.
A video after the jump.
Aug 27 2007 Table Makes You Kill Dining Partner
I have enough trouble eating as it is, so why designers Stefano Merlo and Claudia Taddia would want to make it harder is a mystery to me. They have designed a table (now to be known as the table that made me kill my wife) that has each setting (glass, fork, knife, etc) tethered to its match on the opposite side of the table. So if you're using your knife, your dining partner cannot. This is absolutely brilliant. I can see it now. "Honey, I swear to god you better put down that knife right now so I can stab you."
A couple more of the world's worst table after the jump.
Aug 27 2007 Cool Gaming Chair
Festo, an industrial automation company, has introduced the gaming chair to beat all gaming chairs. The system uses "fluidic muscles and mechatronic systems to give users a true sensation of either driving or flying, depending on the software being used." It is certainly a step up from the plywood soap box car you used to sit in to play Gran Turismo. This reminds me of the race car simulator I used to play growing up, which was my dad's lap. He would make engine noises and rumble me around and stuff until I crashed. Then I was thrown through the living room window.
A video of the system after the jump.
Aug 27 2007 Toasty The Tape Player Toaster
Arthur Wu, who is clearly a bread heating genius, has designed the Toasty Single Serving Toaster. It looks like a cross between a cassette tape player and an appliance from the 50's, which makes it awesome. It may only heat one piece of bread at a time, but who cares, it has a freaking toggle switch. But a word of advice from personal experience - no matter how drunk you get, it still won't play your favorite Thin Lizzy tape. Try all you want, but the result will just make you sad (and set off the smoke detector).
Toasty The Tape Player Toaster [yankodesign]
Aug 24 2007 Water Tower Apartment Mod
While not the first time this has been done, some nutcase in the Netherlands (probably that loon rappelling down the side in the picture) has converted an old water tower into an apartment. Why you ask? Because he could. And was rich, it looks like you'd have to be rich to do something like this. I don't care what you think though, it doesn't beat the Burger King I turned into an apartment. And by turned into an apartment I mean broke into one night and passed out trying to make fries.
A few more after the jump, including one of how it would have turned out if I was in charge.
Aug 24 2007 American Gladiators is Back!
Just when I thought today couldn't get any better, I find out that NBC is bringing back American Gladiators! Oh lucky day. Sure ESPN Classic plays reruns (which are awesome), but after you've seen them all dozens of times you're left wanting more. I am so excited! You know, I was actually interviewed to be a gladiator back in the day (I was going to be Kaboom). But during the negotiations process I flew into a roid rage and was caught humping a Coke machine. I haven't heard from them since.
Oh, and if you don't get a boner watching the video after the jump, you're probably dead.
Aug 24 2007 Cell Phone Graffiti
Mark Ecko, of Ecko Unlimited, is designing "digital citylights" that people can interact with using their cell phones via Bluetooth interface. You walk up to one of these monster LCD screens and spray digital graffiti with the cursor of your phone. Allegedly they're going to be released in Germany, the land of the color changing bus stop, to see how they go over. And by go over I think they mean how long until they're covered in real paint, with tags like "RAZ" and "SPATZ" and huge blue dongs. I'm gonna have to go with instantly.
Cell Phone Graffiti [gizmodo]
Aug 24 2007 Insect Vaccuum
From the "Worst Inventions to Come out of Japan" department comes the "Insect Catcher". It sucks up insects, but you have to be about an inch away, which is dumb. Because if you can get an inch away, you could smash the damn bug with your hand. Watch the video to see some idiot sucking an ant off a wall, but never any flies. Oh, and they really need to rename this thing "Not a Penile Enlargement Pump" because, well, I'm on my way to the hospital to have it removed.
A video after the jump, along with a link to the Japanese product site, with an almost flawless translation.
Aug 24 2007 Life Size Paper Boat
Artist Frank Boelter fulfilled a childhood fantasy by constructing a 27 foot boat out of paper. The vessel is made from a 1884 sq. ft. sheet of Tetrapak (the stuff milk cartons are made of) and weighs in at 55 lbs. It cost $217 and only took two hours to construct, leading me to believe that if I was $211 richer, I could build one too. It's cool, but not as cool (or big) as mine, which I built using a single one of my used prophylactics.
One more little picture of the construction after the jump.
Aug 23 2007 Table For Bedroom Security
Designer James McAdam has come up with the Safe Bedside Table, which is a table that comes apart to form a shield and beating stick. Which, um, pretty much every table does if you kick it hard enough. Now I don't know about you, but I am more into guns for bedroom security. Sure I've accidentally shot a few girlfriends in the past, but I just don't sleep as well without the comfort of a gun under the pillow.
Table For Bedroom Security [ohgizmo]
Aug 23 2007 Optimus Prime Computer Case
John Mangus, who will now be known as the coolest person in Pennsylvania, has built the ultimate Optimus Prime computer case. Over the course of a year John put 300+ hours into what will now be known as the baddest ass computer case ever. The picture above shows the computer in its desktop form, but follow the jump for Optimus in his full standing glory (6'10" and 125 lbs!). This reminds me of the full size Terminator case I built a few years ago. Except, well, this one is real and not just drawn on the back of a bar napkin.
Aug 23 2007 High Tech Shoes For Prostitutes
From the "Our Street Walkers Need to be Better Equipped" department come the platform shoes for prostitutes. Designed by the Aphrodite Project, these are the latest in greatest in hooker safety.
The shoes have an audible alarm system, which emits a piercing noise to scare off attackers. The shoes are also outfitted with a built in GPS receiver and an emergency button that relays both the prostitute's location and a silent alarm signal to public emergency services. Where there are problematic relations with law enforcement.... the shoes will relay the signal to sex workers' rights groups.
I don't even know what to say about this except that I'm getting them for all my girls. I'm tired of always trying to track them down to demand my money. Now I'll just use the GPS and threaten to run them over with the car.
High Technology Shoes For Prostitutes [therawfeed]
Aug 23 2007 Coffee and Tea Mugs Ensure Proper Ratio
Suck UK is at it again, this time bringing us MyCuppa Mugs that have a coloring guide on the inside rim to ensure the proper ratio of coffee/tea to milk. They cost about $15, and are a must if you work with the coffee brewing idiots that I do. Every time I scream at someone to make my damn coffee it's never the right color and almost always tastes like urine.
Aug 23 2007 Tree Grows Lights
Nick Foley has created what he is calling the Pear Tree. It is a metal tree with lightbulbs that you can remove and take with you to read nudie magazines under the covers when you girlfriend falls asleep.
The pear tree is a hand forged hollow steel tree that serves as the charging station for three urethane pear-lights. Each pear contains ten ultrabright white LEDs, an autonomous charging circuit, and rare-earth magnets that allow it to be "picked" from the tree and remain fully illuminated for over an hour.
While this is certainly a step in the right direction, I was kind of hoping Nick would have invented the Money Tree instead. I'm growing tired of pleasuring burly truckers at rest areas just to make ends meet.
One more of a close-up after the jump.
Aug 23 2007 Pocket Shots Portable Liquor
Pocket Shots are single serving portable liquor bags that look alarmingly like juice pouches. They're only being sold in California, Arizona, Wisconsin, Colorado, and New Mexico at the moment, but they're going nationwide soon (although I don't know why you'd want them). They come in all your favorite liquor flavors like Whisky and Tequila and are stupid as hell. A flask has always worked fine for me, and in a pinch I just line my pockets with plastic wrap. Now that's a real pocket shot.
A picture after the jump of body shot girls still not looking good even though I've been drinking all morning.
Aug 22 2007 Forbidden LEGO Instructions
As a world renowned architect, I grew up building a lot of LEGO sets. Most of them skyscrapers and other buildings of my own design. Now, No Starch Press is releasing a book of LEGO designs (208 pp., $24.95) that you were not allowed to make growing up, most of which are weapons. I had a lot of these ideas as a kid though. Of course my "Lego Grenade" looked less like a grenade and more like my mother smashing one of my houses because I hid her liquor.
A video after the jump.
Aug 22 2007 First Fully Morphable Ball Bed
Allegedly this is the world's first "fully morphable" bed. It is constructed of plush spheres, attached by elastic bands. Now I'm not entirely sure what "fully morphable" means, but I think that my current bed (which is a sleeping bag) is, making this the second fully morphable bed. But that's beside the point. The point is that this thing is going to take the construction of blanket forts in my mother's kitchen to a whole new level.
First Fully Morphable Ball Bed [techeblog]
Aug 22 2007 Man Builds Water Chopper
Jim Garlitz, a man who runs a pizza shop in Maryland, has combined a Yamaha Virago motorcycle with an outboard engine to create, uh, this thing, the water chopper. Capable of doing 37 mph, it looks like it was invented long ago and called the jetski. It also looks like I wouldn't want to get on it. Unless I was using it as a pirating vessel to rob all the stupid tourists that rent those floating big wheel bikes at the beach. Yarr, your money and your jewels! I <3 booty.
Man Builds Water Chopper [ubergizmo]
Aug 22 2007 NASA's Cyberwall Is Underpowered
NASA, an organization never to be outdone with the latest and greatest, has constructed a cyberwall at the Ames Research Center in Silicon Valley. What is a cyberwall you ask?
The wall has 49 screens, each of which is driven by its own Dual 2 Ghz AMD Opteron processor with nVidia GeForce 4 Ti4600. In addition, with 100 gigabyte of disk space and one gigabyte of RAM per node, the system has approximately five terabytes of aggregate disk space, and 50 gigabyte of aggregate RAM. The wall has over 64 Million Pixels, over 55 Square Feet of Viewing Surface, and 100Gb/s of visual Output.
Now I'm not totally sure what all that means because I still use a Commodore 64 for all my computing, but I'm pretty confident what they're saying is that the wall can see into the future.
One more of the coolest dude ever pointing at a faulty monitor after the jump.
Aug 22 2007 Steve Wozniak Breaks Sound Barrier in Prius
Steve Wozniak (Apple co-founder) confirms he was pulled over doing 104 mph in a Toyota Prius and fined $700 a few months ago. Which is shocking for a couple reasons. 1. What was he doing driving? I thought people with his kind of money were carried everywhere. 2. I have never seen a Prius top 45 mph, so this seems near impossible. Although, the longer I look at the picture the more I can imagine it. "Officer the sign said 6 miles to Cracker Barrell and I knew the country ham and gravy simply could not wait."
Steve Wozniak Breaks Sound Barrier in Prius [therawfeed]
Aug 22 2007 Arm Wrestling Game Breaks Arms
"Arm Spirit", a Japanese arm wrestling video game, has been responsible for breaking 3 arms during its brief release in Japan. Atlus Company (the manufacturer), which had 150 machines in arcades, backs up their game, but is pulling it as "a precaution". Spokeswoman Ayano Sakiyama says:
"The machine isn't that strong, much less so than a muscular man. Even women should be able to beat it. We think that maybe some players get overexcited and twist their arms in an unnatural way."
Now I'm not saying that the people that got their arms broken were weak or anything, but I am saying that I've played this game before. And by played this game I mean as soon as I started putting quarters in it caught fire and the robotic arm fell off. It could sense the pain coming.
Arm Wrestling Game Breaks Arms [engadget]
Aug 22 2007 Aerogel Frozen Smoke Is Awesome
Being a NASA astronaut (and international playboy), I've known about Aerogel (aka: frozen smoke, blue smoke, solid smoke, tasteless jello) since before it was invented. Having been on the scene for a while, many of you may be familiar with the material already, but for those of you out there that aren't, all you need to know is one thing: Its coolness is of mythical proportions.
Aerogel, one of the world’s lightest solids, can withstand a direct blast of 1kg of dynamite and protect against heat from a blowtorch at more than 1,300C. Scientists are working to discover new applications for the substance, ranging from the next generation of tennis rackets to super-insulated space suits for a manned mission to Mars.
I actually had a bed made of Aerogel a few years ago, but one of my live in girlfriends at the time moved it to clean. When I came home from work and threw myself down where the bed used to be I broke all my ribs. Now I live in the hospital.
Check out the article for lots more info. Then buy some on ebay and send it to me.
Aerogel Frozen Smoke is Awesome [thanks to ladykiller Bryon for the article]
Aug 21 2007 Ugly Man Takes Han's Place in Carbonite
In one of the saddest turn of events I have read recently, some guy managed to secure a direct casting of Han Solo in carbonite from the original prop, and then had the face sawed off and replaced with a mold of his. This is in no way, shape, or form cool at all. What was this guy thinking? You have an iconic piece of one of the best movies of all time, and you go and deface it (literally). He probably has the Holy Grail chalice from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade too, but decided it wasn't cool enough and had to glue plastic rhinestones on it and write "Pimp Juice" on the side with puffy paint.
A closeup of the world's ugliest Star Wars fan after the jump, along with the forever dreamy Harrison Ford original carbonite.
Continue Reading " Ugly Man Takes Han's Place in Carbonite "
Aug 21 2007 USB Powered RC Car
Okay, I know there are a lot of useless USB gadgets out there, but I think we can all agree that this one is a must have. It's the Solid Alliance USB powered RC car. You plug the garage into your computer and it charges the car fully in 10 minutes. When you need to make a quick getaway you fire up the Windows based driving application, and blow out of the garage door. The car can only travel about 3 feet from the garage, so someone work on amplifying that signal for me. Oh, and if your girlfriend drives anything like mine, it's best to keep the toy to yourself.
A video reenactment of my girlfriend trying to park in the garage after the jump.
Aug 21 2007 Pillow with Integrated Speakers
From the "Everything must have Integrated Speakers" department comes Mi Pillows. If you haven't guessed by now, they're pillows that have speakers inside. They cost $60, and are available through Hammacher Schlemmer (pronounced Helter Skelter). You can hook them up to an iPod or any other audio device and, uh, listen to music while you're trying to fall asleep. The sewn on control patches don't work though, so that's a sham. On a side note, be careful what you choose to listen to while sleeping. Because last night I fell asleep to Black Sabbath and when I woke up this morning I owed my soul to the devil and had bitten the head off my daughter's parakeet.
Product Site [thanks to beautiful Patricia for the tip]
Aug 21 2007 Japan's Plan For World's Tallest Building
Inspired by Mount Fuji, Taisei Construction Corporation has completed designs for construction of the world's tallest building. The X-Seed 4000 would stand at approximately 13,123 feet (4 km), nearly 700 feet (213 m) taller than the real Mount Fuji. The next tallest buildings don't even break 2,000 feet, how puny! While likely to never be built, the X-Seed would have up to 800 floors, and be capable of housing between 500,000 and 1,000,000 people.
Unlike conventional skyscrapers, the X-Seed 4000 would be required to actively protect its occupants from considerable air pressure gradations and weather fluctuations along its massive elevation. Its design calls for the use of solar power to maintain internal environmental conditions. Some estimate that the cost to construct the X-Seed 4000 structure may be somewhere between $300-900 billion US dollars.
Now I'm no astronomer or anything, but if I learned anything in grade school, it's that 13,123 feet is pretty much the distance to the sun. Which means that the top floor would be perfect for a natural sauna. You heard it here first, if they end up doing that I want credit.
A few more conceptual pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Japan's Plan For World's Tallest Building "
Aug 21 2007 Timepieces for Your Sink
If you are ridiculously rich and can't find any other way to spend your money (please call me first), Murano House has developed timepieces that replace the plugs in your sinks. Sound nuts? I think so. Murano's "Watch Waste" (oh the possibilities with that one!) line of timepieces is available now, but you must email them for a price quote. Which means that they're probably worth more than my entire house. What better way to let your guests know that you should be stolen from than having one of these in your sink? A sign on the door would just be tacky.
Timepieces for Your Sink [ohgizmo]
Aug 21 2007 Rocket Fuel Powered Arm
Your current bionic arm just not cutting it? Tired of just rocking a pirate hook? Well a team at Vanderbilt University has developed a prosthetic arm that's powered by, that's right folks, rocket fuel! The team came up with the idea while trying to develop a system that functions with the same strength of a human arm.
Conventional prosthetic arms do not have the strength of their flesh-and-blood counterparts, the reason being the batteries. In order to lift comparable weights, a prosthetic arm would need a massive battery, too large for the prosthesis itself. So (project leader) Michael Goldfarb started thinking about other ways to power the artificial limbs, and came up with the idea of using the monopropellant rocket motor system that the space shuttle uses to maneuver in space.
It's pretty clear that this team lives by the same credo that I do. When trying to solve a problem, always consider some sort of projectile or explosive material in the final design. I mean, really, who needs a ding-dong anyways when you can have it torn or blown off by your bionic arm.
A video after the jump.
UPDATE: A scary picture of the robot arm wielding a gun after the jump.
Aug 20 2007 Smile Detecting Camera
Now I'm not a big fan of posting the latest camera or phone or what have you unless it has something real unique about it. And well, this one does (even if it is a sham and doesn't work and is a lie and is stupid). The new Sony Cybershot DSC-T200 has a smile detector. Don't believe it? You're not alone. But Sony insists.
Using Sony’s proprietary algorithm, this innovative intelligent auto shutter system responds actively to smiling faces. To start, just choose SmileShutter from Scene Selection, then press the shutter fully on the subject to be taken; the camera automatically detects the smiling face and closes the shutter. To detect the different degrees of smiles by your subject, you can set Smile Level sensitivity to “high” (to detect a faint smile), “medium” (for a normal smile), or “low” (for a hearty laugh).
While this sounds like a very interesting feature, I don't smile. The batteries will die in the camera and the earth will turn to dust before I do. Smiling is for the weak. Showing that much emotion in a photo basically means your mom dresses you and you're a monster sissy.
Aug 20 2007 Man's Cell Phone Explodes
In cell phone news, a man's Nokia 2115i apparently exploded an hour and a half after he connected it to it's AC charger at home. Now I'm no pyrotechnician or anything, I'm just a guy who loves fireworks, but based on the movement of the phone from its original position, the damage it took from the blast, and the smoke and soot on the floor, I'm going to throw out my own little theory here. That theory is that someone was trying to kill this man. Probably a disgruntled ex-girlfriend or wife. If it did in fact explode on its own, then wow. And if so, I just ordered one off of ebay for my (soon to be ex) wife. You didn't read this. I didn't just say that. These aren't the droids you're looking for. Oh, nuts.
Several more pictures of the damage after the jump.
Aug 20 2007 Wind Powered Phone Charger
Orange, a U.K. based telecommunications firm is dropping the Orange Mobile Wind Charger. It, um, charges your cell phone with the power of the wind! Amazing. Reminds me of that time I developed a perpetual motion machine, the wind powered windmill. Brilliant really. I'm not totally sold yet, but maybe you are. Are you a hippie? Do you smell like patchouli? If so, get one of these bad boys, strap it to the basket on the front of your bike, and you'll be the talk of the commune. You may even get lucky with a chick that doesn't shave her legs or armpits. Go you!
Wind Powered Phone Charger [PC World]
Aug 20 2007 Yoga Mat with Stereo and Streaming Video
Just when I was finishing my book entitled "I've Seen It All" someone comes up with a freaking yoga mat with stereo speakers (that tube in the picture) and streaming video. It is still conceptual, but I've got to say that it seems pretty ridiculous.
The idea is you can attend yoga classes from anywhere since streaming video plays right on the mat. You can even “conference” in friends so they can get in on the group fun.
I don't know what their idea of "group fun" is but I don't think it's mine. The last time I had my brand of "group fun" my wife divorced me and called the cops.
Yoga Mat with Stereo and Streaming Video [yankodesign]
Aug 20 2007 Weight Watching Robot Keeps You Healthy
Those MIT geeks are at it again, this time developing a robot that is supposed to help you watch your weight and make healthier dietary choices. She interacts with you via touchscreen, where you can input the foods you've eaten, look up recipes, etc. She keeps track of your food intake and stats, and makes suggestions for what to eat. She even speaks (despite not having a mouth) and tracks your movement via face recognition. Speaking of which, just look at those eyes, how dreamy. I can imagine her in my kitchen now. "Hey you sexy thing, how about I drive another Twinkie into me? No? How about a bag of Doritos? No again? Then let me at some of those Girl Scout Cookies? What!? Fine, I'll settle for a kiss you hot little thing you. You're plenty sweet for me anyways. XOXO. Mmmmmm."
Weight Watching Robot Keeps You Healthy [BotJunkie]
Aug 20 2007 Rocklighter Website for Concerts
Some wackjob (read: wackjob) has made a website that shows a close-up of a lighter flame. Why you ask? Well of course it's so you can navigate to it on your cell phone at concerts and have a fake flame to wave around like an idiot. Nobody has lighters anymore? How are you supposed to light fireworks and cigarettes? The last time I was at a concert and it was time to wave lighters, I caught the guy next to me waving a cell phone (he wasn't even using the flame!), so I set his hair on fire. Several skin grafts later and he's still stupid. I hope this has taught you all a valuable life lesson.
Official Site [via ohgizmo]
Aug 20 2007 Apple G3 Beer Server
Some crazy nutjob (read: genius) Mac fan has developed the computer of my dreams, the Apple G3 Beer Server. Now from the picture you can tell that it serves beer, which is all a computer really needs to do in my book, but allegedly it still does some computing stuff too (although I am doubtful). According to an industry professional (me), nothing quite says "Honey, I'll be locked in my office for the next 14 hours" like a frosty mug and the Beer Server G3 loaded to the gills with sexy internet pictures.
Apple G3 Beer Server [gizmodo]
Aug 17 2007 Galactic Suites Space Hotel
Galactic Suites, the first space hotel, is scheduled to open in 2012, a scant 5 years from now. For the low, low price of $4 million you get an unbelievable 3 night stay in outer space.
During that time guests would see the sun rise 15 times a day and use Velcro suits to crawl around their pod rooms by sticking themselves to the walls like Spiderman.
Throw in one of those Las Vegas style directories of intergalactic three-hootered space hookers, and you can count this guy in (and $3,999,984.25 short on payment). Why's it got to be about them making money, why can't it be about me makin' space love?
One more of a proposed suite after the jump.
Aug 17 2007 Reactable Musical Table
The Reactable is nuts. It kinds of reminds me of that far crappier home version you can buy where you move little plastic shapes around to change the noise it makes (what was the name of that thing?). But this one is way cooler, and almost more fun to watch than to listen to. I watched several videos of it, and while it seems to sound more like space invaders than music a lot of the time, it's just...so...mesmerizing. I want one for my living room, and I want it to react to whatever I want to put on it. Maybe a cat, stapler, sock, my ding-a-ling, you know, whatever.
A video after the jump.
Aug 17 2007 Mix Tape USB
If you have ever lived, then you know what it is like to listen to the radio with your finger on the record button waiting for your request to come on so you can make the most awesome mix tape ever for your middle school girlfriend. Well Suck UK, the company that has a fascination with both cardboard and retro is dropping a USB drive inside a fake cassette tape to bring back the memories. It even has the track listing area to fill out. Seeing this really took me back to 7th grade. One minute I'm recording "I Will Love You Forever" and the next it's "I Hate You and Want to Throw Myself from the Top of the Jungle Gym and Die". Ah, love.
Mix Tape USB [engadget]
Aug 17 2007 Fake Video Game Consoles
Some store in a Mexican mall is selling video game consoles in boxes that look alarmingly similar to the XBox 360 and Playstation 3. Except they're called the X-Game 360 and Powerstation 3 (why not go all the way and just use the same name?). Apparently, soon to be unhappy customers will find an 8-bit NES type system in the box. The price tag in the picture is allegedly in pesos, so you'd only be out $25 if you did bite. This reminds me I should probably try to cancel the Mentendo Wee and A-hole iPoo I ordered off the website. I knew their deals sounded too good to be true.
Fake Video Game Consoles [Maxconsole]
Aug 17 2007 Body Heat Electricity
Those clever German researchers are at it again, this time over at the Fraunhofer Institute. They have developed "entire electronic systems" that can run off of body heat turned electricity. The picture above shows a wireless transmitter being powered by the heat given off by a person's hand via a thermoelectric generator. Of course the wireless transmitter only needs 200 millivolts to operate. So when they say "entire electronic systems" can run off body heat, I think what they meant was pretty much nothing. Wake me up when I can power a portable videogame system by holding it. Ka-ching! Don't steal that idea.
Body Heat Electricity [engadget]
Aug 17 2007 Magazine Creators Not Familiar With Internet
From the "we live in a cave on a distant planet" department comes Official Meeting Facilities Guide's magazine "OMFG". Now right there on the cover it indicates that they have a website (also omfg.com) which 1. I am surprised was not already taken by me, and 2. might indicate that maybe somebody involved would be internet savvy enough to realize that the name you have chosen is horrible. They were probably sitting at the boardroom table kicking around ideas for a name, and had them narrowed down to "LOL", "WTF", "STFU", and "ROTFLMAO" before finally just going with the classic "OMFG".
Magazine Creators Not Familiar With Internet [neatorama]
Aug 17 2007 Man Pimps iPhone
If you haven't heard this already, some lunatic in India is pimping out his iPhone for 500 rupees (approximately $12) per 15 minute session. Anyone interested can "see/touch/feel the new APPLE IPHONE". Please note that the viewing is supervised, so you can forget about stealing it. Which is a smart idea, because the last time I was pimping electronics and appliances unsupervised someone stole my Frydaddy deep fryer. You live and learn, but my fries will never have the same golden crispiness.
Man Pimps iPhone [gizmodo]
Aug 16 2007 Connectable Coffee Mugs
Designer Jonathan Aspinall has developed coffee mugs that can be linked together to form a six mug chain that can (allegedly) be easily carried. Each mug has a plus shaped male connection on one side, and matching female on the other. Now I don't know about you, but if I was sporting these around the office one morning, I imagine they would be in a coworker's trunk by mid-afternoon. I'm sticking to my trusty urine sample cup. People don't even come into the cubicle, let alone think about stealing my mug.
Connectable Coffee Mugs [yankodesign]
Aug 16 2007 Wind Up Media Player
Wind-up radio inventor Trevor Baylis is now dropping a wind-up media player very cleverly named the Trevor Baylis Eco Media Player. It can be charged via USB or hand crank, and (although I don't believe it) one minute of cranking powers the device for approximately 40 minutes. It has all the features you would expect from a media player (except maybe this one being the size of a brick) and retails for around $350. Someone come up with a gerbil wheel mod for this thing and then you'll be onto something: a media player with a damn gerbil attachment that I still won't buy. Maybe.
Wind Up Media Player [tech.co.uk]
Aug 16 2007 USB Paper Shredder
I own every USB gadget imaginable, and the USB Paper Shredder is no exception. Why use a wastebasket version when this little guy will do you just fine. It's perfect for shredding those incriminating notes you and the pretty secretary exchange all day. I've had mine for awhile now, and it has never done me wrong. You should have seen the time I told my wife it was a curling iron! Oh the hilarity that ensued! Good times, good times. We're divorced now.
USB Paper Shredder [Product Site]
Aug 16 2007 Airplane Security Collar
Above is the schematic for an invention by Italian Paolo Valletta that is um, well, it's like a shock collar for dogs, except it injects your neck with a tranquilizer if you start acting up on a plane. Using this device, the flight attendants would be able to knock out any passenger on the plane, or all if necessary. Which, at least for me, is entirely unnecessary. After my typical pre-flight liter of bourbon and handful of sleeping pills I'm usually peaceful. This thing would probably kill me.
Airplane Security Collar [livescience]
Aug 16 2007 Metalstorm 1,000,000 Rounds Per Minute
Metalstorm, a company run by kids that grew up loving guns and never stopped, has a gun that can fire over 1,000,000 rounds per minute. The weapon uses stacked bullets in multiple chambers, fired by electronic triggers to achieve its ridiculous rate of fire. 1,000,000 shots a minute? I don't think there is anything I can do that many times in a minute, except maybe suck at life and have an ugly face. Besides those things I've got nothing. While the gun is pretty radical, it needs to make cooler sounds, and I think I could do just as much damage to those boards with a cannonball. Or maybe a trebuchet.
Metalstorm 1,000,000 Rounds Per Minute [OhGizmo]
Aug 16 2007 Executive Foosball Coffee Table
Looks can be deceiving. Take for example this foosball table. You're probably thinking to yourself, "Well that is simply the most awesome foosball table I have ever seen." And I'm with you on that, I was thinking the exact same thing when I first saw it. There's just two problems. 1. It cost $6,700, and 2. It's freaking tiny! They totally trick you with that picture, what a sham. Anyways, if you have that kind of money to spend on a coffee table, call me and I'll come curl up in front of your couch indefinitely for the same price. I also come in an ottoman model.
One more picture exposing their trickery after the jump.
Aug 16 2007 Jetpacks Are Awesome
The 2007 Rocketbelt Conference in Niagara Falls just took place this past weekend, and based on the pictures and video, I'd say it was awesome. Growing up in a brothel, I always wanted a jetpack so I could fly away and say goodbye to sad times forever. Well twenty years later, I'm still here, and only now am I starting to think that these jetpacks are getting safe enough for me to finally say goodbye. I mean sure there has always been a door, but nothing quite says "I'm getting away from you crazy hookers" like blasting through the roof with a jetpack and crash helmet.
A video of a jetpack ride after the jump.
Aug 15 2007 Unusual Ladder
If you've been thinking to yourself "I need the stupidest looking ladder that is also the most impractical", then your wait is over. The Cima Ladder has arrived. Made of composite materials and painted either green or pink, it looks ridiculous and you'll probably fall off it. According to the company some of the major inspiration behind the ladder was "like climbing a tree, (the ladder) brings us closer to the basic nature of climbing up to reach the top, climbing as a metaphor of growth and self elevation in life."
Well if that is not the hippiest load of crap I have ever heard. Ladders are made so you can break into 2nd story windows, and have nothing to do with self elevation (except the literal sense). I wouldn't be caught dead climbing this ladder to hang myself.
Unusual Ladder [Official Site]
Aug 15 2007 Cell Phone Protection Spray
This one is for the Geekologie ladies out there. Clarins (A UK based cosmetic peddler) has been banned from claiming their new Expertise 3P spray protects against cell phone radiation. Mainly because it sure as hell doesn't. However, there is hope. I happen to have a spray that does protect from radiation, wrinkles, cancer, sunburn, blemishes, cankers, harelips, you name it.
Cell Phone Protection Spray [therawfeed]
Aug 15 2007 Knife Game Robot
Having grown up watching Aliens, I've been playing the knife game (or 5 finger fillet) since I was old enough to smear crap on walls (although I wasn't very good). Well now 5VOLTCORE has built a robot called the knife.hand.chop.bot that plays the game for you, you just supply the hand. The robot looks less than impressive, and goes pretty damn slow. I mean, with my finely tuned masturbatory skills I can pretty much do this at the speed of light.
A video of the robot playing about as fast as my grandmother after the jump. And then one of a kid who knows what's up.
Aug 15 2007 Apple Aluminum Wireless Keyboard
If you haven't already seen it, this is Apple's new aluminum wireless keyboard. And wow is it thin. Although I'm not sure it's capable of supporting the weight of my hands. They're made of manliness and brawn and weigh roughly 70 pounds each. And you know what they say about men with huge hands. That's right, ladies, they break keyboards.
Product Page [Apple]
Aug 15 2007 HypoSurface Moving Wall
Right when I thought my naked lady wallpaper was the peak of wall design, Hyposurface has to come out with a wall that can react to sound and movement (as well as spell out words, make pictures, etc.). It runs off of compressed air, and based on the video, I'd say that I need these for pretty much every room of the house. Except for the bedroom, in the bedroom I want to replace my bed with one. Because well, I'm a man that appreciates the motion of the ocean. And the ladies I've been bringing home lately have been prone to popping the waterbed.
UPDATE: A Shorter video has been added after the jump since the longer one was removed.
Aug 15 2007 Cardboard PSP Arcade Cutout
Do you get so stoned that you can't tell the difference between a piece of folded cardboard and a several hundred pound machine at the mall's arcade? If so, then the Suck UK design firm has got a product for you. It turns your PSP into, well, a miniature cardboard arcade machine. Available in September, I imagine it's too high tech for the old quarter on a string trick to work. But that's okay, because there's still the laundromat. Do your laundry for free and meet the easiest women in town.
Cardboard PSP Arcade Cutout [Product Reviews]
Aug 15 2007 Waterproof iPod Case
Tired of shark fighting with no tunes? The iS2 brings the dream to life, allowing users to dive to unheard of depths (almost to the bottom of the deep end, 10 ft.) while your iPod shuffle remains safe and dry. The thing doesn't come with waterproof earphones though, so you're on your own with that one. I still need one though. After all, nothing says "I am a lover of music" more than listening to the classics while getting laid in your kiddy pool as neighbors drive by honking.
Waterproof iPod Case [OhGizmo]
Aug 14 2007 Luxeed Rainbow Keyboard
Your regular keyboard just not ridiculous enough? Then get the Luxeed Rainbow Keyboard. Each key can be programmed to be a different color as well as only light up when you press it. Because really, isn't the whole point of a keyboard to let everybody know you're gay and also give you seizures? No? It's not? Hold on, I gotta go make some calls.
Product Page [Official Site]
Aug 14 2007 Sony Develops Bendable Display
Sony has released video of a 2.5-inch display that you can bend without breaking (Note: do not attempt with your LCD). The picture quality looks bearable and I'm excited about getting my hands on one. Sony is still trying to work out kinks in the cost of production, so they're probably going to be out of my allowance's price range for awhile. Sony's thin film transistor and electroluminescent technologies make the display possible, and at only 0.3-mm thick, I think we can all agree that this television is damn near pencil thin.
Video after the jump.
Aug 14 2007 Spyke The Pet Spying Robot
Meccano (famous for its Erector Set like building toys) is about to drop Spyke, a WiFi compatible robot that can be controlled via the internet. It is advertised as both a home protection robot (takes picture and sends email if motion sensor is activated) and pet checker. What a happy day this is! Now I can check on my pets while I'm at work. Hey look, there's my dog eating cat turds out of the litterbox! Oh joy, the cat is peeing in my monitor again! The robot is sweet, but some things are better left a mystery.
Spyke The Pet Spying Robot [BotJunkie]
Aug 14 2007 Robot Bartender
If you don't like talking to anyone when getting drunk, then check out the Digital Beverages MyFountain (which we will now refer to as the Robot Bartender). It basically looks like a monster piece of crap that sits on a counter with a touchscreen that makes drinks. It holds 12 bottles of liquid happiness and can be programmed to make any drink with said bottles. The only real benefit I see in this thing is it not knowing when to cut you off. Oh, and don't tell me that damn thing squeezed those pieces of fruit out its pipe. How did those get there, Mr. Bartender Robot?
Robot Bartender [OhGizmo]
Aug 14 2007 Lasonic iPod Boombox
If you're anything like me you spent the 80's rocking a Member's Only jacket and carrying around a ghetto blaster and a piece of cardboard so you'd be ready to break anywhere and everywhere. Well Lasonic is releasing an updated version of one of their most popular Boombox models of the 80's that includes a freaking iPod docking station. I just hope I can still run it off of D batteries. This thing is so awesome that I can't even show you a real picture of it because it would burn your retinas out and blow your eardrums simultaneously. So there is a graphical representation for your viewing pleasure. And by viewing pleasure I mean it was more than enough to give me a little twitter down there.
Lasonic iPod Boombox [Newlaunches]
Aug 14 2007 Leather Dragon Backpack
Are your attempts at scaring women and small children on the streets failing? Well then check out this leather dragon backpack made by Bob Basset of Ukraine. Bob, who if you can't tell is a dragon fanatic, made the thing entirely out of molded leather and black magic. While I can appreciate all things dragon I just have the feeling that this thing won't go over well anywhere but the annual renaissance fair (or a late night DnD session). All I know is that I used to have a real pet dragon named Firestorm and we would fly all over the world together. Until I slayed him to make the sweetest pair of assless chaps you've ever seen.
A couple more of the bag after the jump.
Aug 13 2007 Typing Speed USB Light
Because all things USB make my heart race I bring to you the USB Typing Speed Light. When you are not typing the light is yellow, when you start it turns blue, and the faster you go the brighter it gets. Of course I have no need for the likes of this because I know exactly how fast I type. I don't. I have a gorgeous personal secretary that does my typing for me - I just have to talk. Which is what I'm doing right now. Isn't that right sugarlips? Why don't you come over here and sit that sweet fanny on the captain's lap? But add the link first.
Typing Speed USB Light [Tokyomango]
Aug 13 2007 Solar Powered Bikini and Gaming Bra
The Siggraph 2007 Convention (Special Interest Group for Computer Graphics) went down last week and there were a number of interesting innovations displayed. Among them was an updated solar powered bikini that was first shown in 2006. The bikini generates enough power to charge an iPod or cell phone. I had this idea years ago, except it was a pair of men's swim trunks. The only problem was that the world doesn't produce enough solar cells to cover my ding dong. I would have been able to power the whole state though.
New this year was a bra and boxer set that can be used to control different aspects of video games. Which is pretty sweet, because Hold on to the Boobies might very well be my most favorite game ever. Just a heads up though folks, stay away from one player mode - it's not fun.
Solar Powered Bikini and Gaming Bra [Gizmodo]
Aug 13 2007 Hacker Camp Uses Porta Johns For Hubs
The Chaos Communication Camp in Germany is using their supply of blue porta johns for hubs to help ensure that connections stay high and dry. This makes perfect sense, because why use a porta john as a bathroom? That would be ridiculous. This is the only logical means of protecting those connections. I mean covering things in big blue tarps is only for the cars in my driveway (I'm all class). Seriously, who needs a bathroom anyways when there are so many other people's tents around?
Aug 13 2007 Suitcase Chair
If you hate using public seating like me, then you know how important it can be to have a personal sitting device available at all times. Enter the suitcase chair. In case you couldn't tell, it's a suitcase that turns into a chair. We may have a regular da Vinci on our hands here this thing is so brilliant. I was just thinking the other day I wished that my good for nothing suitcase could transform into a sweet chair with fake carbon fiber veneer. Not only that, but the excitement of getting to pick up all my stuff after it's been dumped on the bus station floor nearly had me in tears I wanted one so bad.
Suitcase Chair [2DayBlog]
Aug 13 2007 USB Panic Button
The Panic Button is a USB gadget that fires up one of three "stress relieving" screensavers whenever you push it. While the screensavers are questionable (atomic bomb, punch your boss, and an excel spreadsheet look alike), I believe the idea itself has some merit. If you're anything like me you've learned that yelling "I wasn't looking at porno!" when anyone walks by your cubicle doesn't make the porno you're looking at disappear. Now, I'll just flip the top on this bad boy, yell "Fire in the hole!", mash the button, and dive under my desk until the coast is clear.
USB Panic Button [Reg Hardware]
Aug 13 2007 Electronic Meat Sniffer
For those of you out there that like to cook, here's a little something to help determine if the meat that someone slaps on your grill is safe to eat. With the push of a button the SensorfreshQ Freshness Meter will let you know if meat is fresh (green light), must be used soon (yellow), or nasty (red). Apparently red is defined as when "the bacteria colony count exceeds 10 million colony forming units per gram." I don't know what that means but it sounds frightening. As a side note, I tested my meat and got the yellow light, so time is limited ladies - to the basement (but be quiet, my mom is sleeping).
Electronic Meat Sniffer [Cooking Gadgets]
Aug 10 2007 Levo Book Holder
If you're as lazy as I am then you know how annoying it can be holding a book. Well Skymall is selling an innovation that must have been years in development. It is a piece of crap on wheels that looks like a lamp, but holds a book! And it's only $165. I mean it may look awful, but who cares, look at the guy in the photo, he looks real comfortable. Who needs to read anyways when you can pass out under a magazine with your hands in your pants?
Levo Book Holder [OhGizmo]
Aug 10 2007 Store Camera for Butt
This is one for the geekologie ladies out there, so guys feel free to shield your eyes. A Hub Clothing store in Scottsdale has added a video camera outside its dressing rooms so women can view the way their butt looks in jeans without having to look over their shoulder. According to the store:
A lot of people dread trying on jeans and so any more entertaining you can make it the better, A lot of people compare it to trying on bathing suits, you know something they just don't like to do, we're trying to make it painless.
My mother makes all my clothes for me, so jean shopping is not an issue. However, for you women out there that find this of concern, let me give you some advice - if you think a pair of jeans makes your butt look big, it's because your ass is huge.
Joking ladies! You are all gorgeous and beautifully proportioned - I mean that (keep those pictures coming).
Store Camera for Butt [Frostfirecore]
Aug 10 2007 Solar Powered Mouse
The Delft University of Technology has developed the first solar powered mouse. It only charges on actual sunlight, so there is question as to whether the mouse can be implemented in real world work environments. According to the University, its success depends on:
a lot of factors, including the willingness of the user to adapt his behavior to favorable light conditions by regularly charging the unit with daylight from the window, and the computer usage pattern.
I have the feeling that this mouse just isn't for me. I mean, I live in my mom's basement. I don't have the luxury of a door - let alone any fancy windows. These people need to live in the now. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge proponent of environmental sustainability and conservation. I just make my contributions in other ways. I pee in the sink.
Solar Powered Mouse [Core77]
Aug 10 2007 Color Changing Bus Stop
The Landmark Bus Shelter was designed by a German company for use around Hamburg in an attempt to "convey a harmonious overall image of the urban area. Modern elements and clear lines enable a universal use of this bus shelter. The right side wall contains a lighting system that shines in changing colors. This provides for alternating light and color moods at night. Thus, the bus shelter is stage set as an item of street furniture and moved into the focus of attention."
What will they come up with next? I thought the addition of a bench was about as far as the bus stop could be taken. Although, I do really like this idea of color changing mood lighting. The crazy bag lady and I have been looking for something to put the spice back in our late night makeout sessions.
Color Changing Bus Stop [yankodesign]
Aug 10 2007 Backpack Laser Cleaner
Clean Laser Systems of Germany has announced the release of the "first real fully mobile cleaning laser unit in the world. Available in electric versions or rechargeable battery powered, the laser unit consists of an air cooled "state of the art" diode pumped laser with an excellent laser beam quality and an ultra small focus."
In layman's terms what they have done here is "invented" the backpacks from Ghostbusters. I had one of these when I was ten, it just looked a lot more like my mom's canister vacuum, and if you want to get technical, there was no laser involved - there was, however, a stair cleaning attachment.
Backpack Laser Cleaner [Official Site]
Aug 10 2007 Classic Game Room DVD Trailer
I assume you remember being glued to the computer waiting for a new episode of Game Room to drop, because I know I was. I can't believe that was eight years ago - where has all the time gone (besides to a handful of fruitless marriages)? Regardless, the show was a piece of awesome, and Classic Game Room the DVD is dropping August 28th rehashing all our favorite reviews. As they say, "If drinkin' beer and playing Atari is wrong, I don't want to be right." Truer words have never been spoken.
Aug 9 2007 FIFA '07 Computer Mod
This computer was made for an Electronic Arts FIFA '07 competition that took place in Germany, the winner taking home the rig. All I can see is that it's pretty freaking awesome. I mean it has a miniature foosball table on top - you can't beat that. I've got tons of respect for this guy, because I know how difficult good computer modding can be. My last project turned out less like a sweet computer case and more like a pile of particleboard and computer parts in the corner of my bedroom that the cats like to pee on.
FIFA '07 Computer Mod [Bit-Tech]
Aug 9 2007 USB Stripper
Well for all of you out there that have given up on ever getting laid, there may be hope yet. You might at least get to see one more naked lady in your life (besides your mother), and for you it's the USB powered stripper (of course you'll have to scrape her painted bikini off first with your car keys)! For 169,00 DK you can have a plastic Barbie glued to a pole that
gyrates and rubs up and down her pole in time to the flashing lights and backing music.
Sound too good to be true? It probably is. Better luck in the next life. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to get ready for a date, my centerfold girlfriends are coming over to play twister.
Just kidding guys, I have faith in you. Get out there and touch a boobie (a real one - and legally).
USB Stripper [Gadgets.dk]
Aug 9 2007 The Vomiting Flashlight
The Department of Homeland Security is funding research for a flashlight developed by Intelligent Optical Systems for use as a potential nonlethal weapon. According to Robert Lieberman, CEO of the company,
The flashes temporarily blind a person, as any bright light would, and the light pulses, which quickly change both in color and duration, also cause what Lieberman calls psychophysical effects. These effects, whose effectiveness depends on the person, range from disorientation to vertigo to nausea, and wear off in a few minutes.
First of all, I have heard of this new device being considered reminiscent of a lightsaber (hence the picture), but I don't think anything that can't cut an arm off should be in any way compared to a lightsaber. I mean Luke would still have his hand if Darth Vader was attacking with this thing. Hell, he would have probably put his father down right then and there. And another thing - a flashlight weapon? A flashlight is only a weapon if you're physically p4wning someone with it (I recommend a long Maglite). And get this - if someone was flashing this in my direction I would - you'll never guess - turn away (then kick ass)! Thanks but no thanks, I'm sticking to lethal weapons (I like my assailants dead, not pukey).
The Vomiting Flashlight [Technology Review]
Aug 9 2007 Sliding Cell Phone Holder
If you're anything like me, you like to be up to date on the latest trends in cell phone technology. Well this isn't one of them - it is however, I guess, an innovation of some sort - but I can safely say there will be no trend. Some kid who obviously grew up watching way too many Batman and Spiderman cartoons invented a freaking sliding cell phone holder that attaches to the wrist. Nothing quite says "I just gave you a fake ass number" like some dingleberry trying to get your digits with this thing strapped on.
Sliding Cell Phone Holder [Patently Silly]
Aug 9 2007 Japanese Hurt Your Privates Game
This gameshow is part of the reason I'm moving to Japan. It's just way cooler over there. I mean they don't even KICK the contestants in the privates, they built a machine to do it. BRILLIANT! It seems that THIS is closest American equivalent, and it just looks, um, like nothing I would be caught participating in (I don't do elephant walks either). I used to play a game similar to the Japanese version with a friend where we would ask each other trivia questions and if you got it incorrect you got kicked in the you know what. But one day I answered wrong and had to kill my friend. Not that it would have hurt anyways, because, you know, I have privates of steel. That's right ladies - steel. If that's good. If not, then they're the regular material, just huge.
Aug 9 2007 Kameraflage Secret Message Apparel
You may have already seen this because you're much hipper than I am, but you're not more attractive. Captain Handsome bows to no one in the good looks department. Anyways, someone has developed a technology that allows hidden messages to be printed on shirts, and only show up through a digital camera. According to the company,
Kameraflage is possible because digital cameras see a broader spectrum of light than human eyes. By rendering content in these wavelengths we are able to create displays that are invisible to the naked eye, yet can be seen when imaged with a digital camera.
So basically you can now wear a t-shirt with dirty words on it that will only be visible when someone takes a digital picture of you. Which is pretty brilliant - or so I thought. Let's just say my grandparents were less than impressed with the Kameraflage "Eat a Dong" t-shirt I mistakenly wore in our annual Christmas card photo.
Kameraflage Secret Message Apparel [Official Site]
Aug 8 2007 Tweel Airless Tires
Michelin has developed a new airless tire that looks pretty freaking sweet - the Tweel. Tires without air you say? I didn't believe it myself (and still don't really), but allegedly they're real. Tweel you say? Yeah, about that. They look more like Bladez, or Razorz to me. Or maybe just Batmobile wheels. But whatever the case, they still have a long way to go to top my cinderblock tires. They fit every make and model, and look great on all the cars in my yard. Just ask my neighbors, they love them.
Thanks to vanman for the tip. One more picture of someone parking like my girlfriend after the jump.
Aug 8 2007 Buggy Rollin vs motorcycle
If you've never heard of Buggy Rollin, it's basically an aerodynamic plastic suit outfitted with inline skate wheels so you can skate in any way imaginable: on your back, on your stomach, on your feet, etc. Anyway, after the jump is a Buggy Rollin suit piloted by a guy named Jean-Yves Blondeau racing down a mountain against a 600cc motorcycle. And if you couldn't tell from the description, yes, this is 100% insane. Throwing explosives at bears with your bare hands seems like a safer sport.
Check out the video of the race after the jump.
Aug 8 2007 The Piss Screen toilet game
The Piss-Screen is a pressure-sensitive inlay for urinals that lets you play a game with your pee. It was designed for bars so people would take a taxi instead of driving home drunk. The game is modeled after Need for Speed so that people end up crashing if their reaction is too slow. After crashing, the game flashes the message: "Too pissed to drive? Take a Taxi instead!” Although if they really want to keep people from driving drunk, they should've invested in my idea: it's a toilet that measures your blood alcohol level, and if it's too high, a fist flies out of the wall and knocks you out. And then I come by and take your wallet. Everybody wins!
The Piss Screen [Official Site]
Aug 8 2007 Olivia Munn deep throats a hot dog
I'm not an expert on great TV, but I'm pretty sure Olivia Munn deep throating a hot dog dipped in mustard qualifies. As would be me juggling live sharks. Or walking around topless. Or basically just any shot of me.
NOTE: If you don't know who Olivia Munn is, she's one of the hosts on G4's Attack of the Show.
Aug 8 2007 Hiccup Curing Device
So someone has developed a hiccup cure that looks a lot like a milkshake. Call me old fashioned, but the "OH MY GOD THERE'S A SHARK IN THE BOAT!" scare tactic has never done me wrong. And if that doesn't work I'll typically let weight lifters punch me in the stomach until I laugh so hard they go away. You know, now that I think about it- I invented something similar to this last year that looked a lot like a blender (well, it was a blender). And let me tell you- not only did it cure your hiccups, it cured your whole face.
Hiccup Curing Device [Patently Silly]
Aug 8 2007 Indiana Jones Lego Game
I thought being married to a supermodel was my dream come true, but I would kick her to the curb with not so much as bus fare to get my hands on this puppy. I called up LucasArts and offered a cool million to get a copy before the end of THIS summer (it's not dropping until Summer 2008), but they told me it just couldn't be done. While I had them on the phone I suggested they replace the traditional Indiana Jones look with a naked picture of me to boost sales to beautiful ladies. I think it was sometime during that pitch when they hung up on me. And blocked my calls. And filed charges.
Indiana Jones Lego Game [Lucas Arts]
Aug 8 2007 Sweet Computer Cover Mod
One of my biggest problems with LAN parties is trying to focus on killing ogres while all the hot gaming chicks are trying to get up on me. Well, you wrap your unit in the new Computer Dust Cover Mod and you can kiss getting laid (ever) goodbye. Who needs computers with viewing windows and blinking lights and cables when your computer can give the appearance of going on a big game safari in Africa? Looking like complete ass is simply an added bonus!
Sweet Computer Cover Mod [Official Site]
Aug 7 2007 Steering Wheel Desk
As an executive on the go, time management is a very important factor in my daily life. After critical examination I realized there was one time during the day where I was really not utilizing my time to the fullest- in the car, driving! Sure I could dictate notes to my personal secretary, but more often than not she is busy doing, er...something else. So I can not tell you how relieved I am to have discovered the steering wheel desk. Now I can write emails, check my horoscope, watch movies, download music, and drive down the sidewalk at the same time! Not only that, but I think I ran over a bum two nights ago!
One more picture of a serious executive putting the steering wheel desk to good use after the jump.
Aug 7 2007 Fujitsu 231 Inch Display
Nothing says "My life is way better than yours" than a rumpus room with a television that puts all your friends' to shame. To be the best, now is the time to strike- with Fujitsu's new 231 inch display.
Granted 1. it won't fit in your rumpus room or on the lawn 2. the max resolution is 512 x 288 (you have to sit 15 feet away - each pixel is approximately 1/2 inch), and 3. it costs over $500,000 - but these are just small technicalities, easily overlooked by anyone with half a lick of sense. I used to think that the digital projector I would project to 80" on my urine stained fitted bedsheet was the best the world had to offer, but now I stand corrected- and shamed (but I won't have to sleep on the bare mattress anymore).
Aug 7 2007 Minesweeper The Movie
Sadly, this would still probably be better than 90% of the video game movies out there. Although it can't compare to the film I made about Solitaire. I basically filmed myself having sex with two women at once. In retrospect, it wasn't really anything like Solitaire at all.
Aug 7 2007 Philips Oil and Water Display
Once again my intellectual property has been stolen, this time by LG Philips for use in their new displays. They have filed a patent application (using the technology pilfered from yours truly, Captain Handsome) for displays that use oil and water inside the pixels. According to the company, their scientists
have come up with a new way to illuminate pixels on a flexible display. The pixels are made from tiny plastic cells filled with minute amounts of oil and water. The oil floats on the surface of the water and shrouds the colored surface underneath it. When electricity is applied across the cell, the oil moves aside, changing the color of the pixel. The resulting display is apparently full color and glossy, like the cover of a magazine.
Well it looks like I'm out of yet another million. I had actually come up with this idea years ago, but the patent office said that a bowl of oil and water was not patentable. I told them that there were incredible uses for such a mixture, citing several good examples like salad dressing (flexible displays eluded me at the time), but they still refused. Now they won't even accept my patent applications, citing that my last invention, the automatic dishwasher, looked too much like my wife shackled in the kitchen.
Aug 7 2007 Wakamaru Receptionist Robot
While receptionist robots are nothing new, bright yellow ones that sing cheerful songs are. Developed by Mitsubishi, a number of Wakamaru robots (Japanese for delightful yellow punching bag with kick action detachable head) have been purchased by temp agencies in the country for use as dispatch workers. The highlights of the robots capabilities include:
Face recognition (search for and follow faces), Basic manual tasks, Good listener (voice recognition capabilities), Good verbal skills with customers (vocabulary of 10,000 words), Sings cheerful songs, Escort visitors to different destinations within your office building
I don't know about you, but this thing sounds like a dream come true for the office. Nothing quite says "I had a great day at work" like dropkicking the head off of a $15,000 robot because it wouldn't stop singing long enough to make coffee. And $15,000? I guarantee my live in girlfriends would do a better job, and I pay them with scratch and sniff stickers.
Aug 6 2007 Lego Guitar Hero Controller
This guy built a fully functional Guitar Hero controller out of Legos. He says:
This is a custom guitar controller for the game Guitar Hero, modeled after a Gibson Explorer guitar, with an extra large scratch-plate for style. I gutted the real controller and put the electronic boards in the lego case, so it actually works, too
So does making something out of Legos automatically make it cool? Because I replaced my friend's medicine with Legos once and he just ended up in the hospital. Which I thought was cool, but he seemed pretty upset.
Gallery [Techeblog]
Aug 6 2007 Glass Keys
I'm not sure if this is considered art, but the guy who made these glass keys refers to them as an "installation." Anyway, this is a set of glass keys the artist made out of resin. And, uh, that's it. I don't know if they'd actually function as keys (seems like resin/glass would wear down easily) but at least they look cool. I'd make everything out of glass if I could. Especially girl's locker rooms. It just makes sense.
Aug 6 2007 "Transparent" billboard
Artist Cayetano Ferrer created a "transparent" billboard by photographing the trees hidden by a 30-foot billboard in Daejeon, Korea and then pasting the image onto the billboard. He purposely removed a section of the billboard and put the missing piece of the image on another smaller billboard nearby. And in related news, I was supposed to put up a life-size picture of my wang on a billboard but it wouldn't fit. True story.
Aug 6 2007 World's greatest comb-over
Say hello to the world's greatest comb-over. Usually I just recommend people paint their heads with shoe polish, but this works pretty good too.
Aug 6 2007 Go-llerblades motorized skates
Instructables has a nice tutorial on how to create motorized skates using a pair of inline skates, an angle grinder, and a bag of 12 volt batteries. And just how safe are these? Well instead of brakes, this is how you stop:
In this version, I just put trust in my sense of balance and lifted my foot off the ground while flailing to find a power cable to rip out.
Although I'm too much man to use roller skates. No, instead I just strap live bears to my feet and have them carry me around.
Tutorial [Instructables]
Aug 3 2007 Jake Brown falls 50ft at X-Games
If you haven't seen it, this is video of Jake Brown falling 50 feet during the X-Games 13 Big Air event. The most amazing part? He just gets up and walks away. And, yes, those are his shoes flying off his feet when he hits.
Aug 3 2007 Ron Mueck installation
This is a great Flickr gallery of artist Ron Mueck installing his new exhibition at the Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth. His work will be on display there through October 21. And if you can't tell from the picture above, this guy's stuff is amazing. It's the sort of art that makes you actually want to visit a museum; and I don't mean just to steal things
Photo Gallery [Flickr]
Aug 3 2007 Lamb born with seven legs
A seven-legged lamb was born in New Zealand six days ago. The animal has three hind legs and two extra legs that hang useless behind the forelegs. Which reminds me, I need to take my daily bath in radioactive waste. Those superpowers aren't going to develop on their own.
News Story [Telegraph UK]
Aug 3 2007 M.C. Escher's impossible Waterfall sculpture
ThinkGeek is selling a sculpture of M.C. Escher's famous impossible Waterfall. Unfortunately, it doesn't actually break the laws of physics, and only looks right when viewed at a very specific angle with one eye closed. Which is exactly what I ask the ladies to do whenever I get naked. Sometimes I even have them close both eyes.
Continue Reading " M.C. Escher's impossible Waterfall sculpture "
Aug 3 2007 Skullcandy G.I. Headphones
Skullcandy's new G.I. Headphones come in a variety of military-inspired styles, and even come with bullets across the leather band. They cost $69.95 - which is a bit much considering they're purely fashion-oriented - but they look pretty hardcore. Bullets on the band! These are the kind of headphones you should wear while eating eating a raw steak and spitting.
Product Page [Skullcandy]
Aug 2 2007 Make Love Not War
You know what I thought when I watched Terminator? Why can't these giant killer robots just put down their weapons and have sex with each other? Well looks like I wasn't the only person who thought that, because somebody actually went and actually put this together. Check out the entire Flickr gallery here. Possibly NSFW, depending on your office's stance on killer robot sex.
Make Love Not War [Flickr]
Aug 2 2007 Dorm Room Tetris
This is a video of Russian students running around their dorm rooms switching lights on and off to simulate a game of Tetris. It's probably fake, but I'm really hoping it's not. Although it 100% is. Fake that is. I mean, look at it. I'd believe Jurassic Park was real before this.
House Tetris [English Russia via Neatorama]
Aug 2 2007 Mr. Tengu
Mr. Tengu is a little USB gadget that changes faces based on the sounds in the room. The little guy responds to sounds, music, and other stimuli with a range of facial expressions, and even sleeps when he gets tired. So basically he does absolutely nothing except stand there and look cute. Just like me! *yawn* Nap time.
Aug 2 2007 Functioning Manual Paper Record Player
Artist Simon Elvins has created a fully working manual record player made entirely out of paper. Although it's more for show than anything, since it's about as manual as you can get. There's no device to turn the record so you have to turn it by hand, clockwise, at a steady rate of 33 1/3 RPM. You know, perfectly reasonable stuff for modern audio technology.
Aug 2 2007 Cardboard Boombox iPod Speakers
SUCK UK is selling a folded cardboard boombox that holds your iPod and even features functioning speakers. It'll be out in September, though I'm not sure why they decided to go with cardboard and not a more practical material. The beats I drop would probably catch this thing on fire. Oh, yes, ladies, my taste in music is hot.
Product Page [SUCK UK]
Aug 1 2007 X Beam is a twisted wrench
The X-Beam wrench is an attempt at revolutionizing the traditional wrench by adding a twist down the middle. The simple twist gives a larger area and more ergonomic grip than traditional wrenches. It's a great idea, I just wish they went the route of the S2 hammer and added some "elastomeric shockgaskets" to it. You can never have too many made-up features is what I always say.
Product Page [GearWrench]
Aug 1 2007 Giant Optimus Prime birthday cake
This woman wanted to do something special for her husband's 30th birthday so she ordered a gigantic Optimus Prime birthday cake.
The thing is the size of a toddler (and I'm sure has more calories ^_^). It has brownie dirt complete with fondant grass and the body is made of cake and rice crispy treats.
Kind of puts this Optimus Prime cake to shame, doesn't it? That one was basically a truck and this one is, well, Optimus Prime. And huge. Just like me, ladies. *wink*
Aug 1 2007 Lamp Globes organic lights
Lamp Globes is a blob of lights designed by Veronica Eklund and inspired by biological shapes of nature like the molecule. She describes it as:
An experiment between artglass and utility goods, where the vital shape of the globe is changing with the environment in which it is used and continue to evolve in new contexts.
I don't really understand what any of that means, but who cares, since I've always wanted light bulbs that look like giant tumors.
Product Page [Veronica Eklund]