Jun 5 2007The Abduction Lamp

abduction-lamp.jpg

The Abduction Lamp is a lamp designed by Lasse Klein to look like a UFO beam. The bulb inside the UFO lights up the beam and the windows and the glass is frosted to distribute light in all directions. You can also swap out the base, so it looks like it's beaming up a person or a cow or anything else you want to place in there. Unfortunately, this thing is currently still in the concept stage. Hopefully by the time it's released it'll be lifesize and stand 100 feet high.

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Reader Comments

first?

omg I want it

I have the perfect place for this in my trailer..!!!


My question is why isn't those trackor beams sucking up the grass, dirt and cow pies along with the cow? And wouldn't it just pull the space ship down to earth?

That is the coolest lamp I've ever seen.
I want one.
And I'm going to stick a live little person in it and see if the lamp suddenly becomes functional and flies away.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Joe Mamma: Because aliens rule. Sometimes they get a small cow pie, but generally they manage to concentrate the beam on the object they want. The grass sticks to the ground. And wouldn't it it pull the spaceship down to earth? Does a fishing rod pull a boat down to the bottom of the sea when you pull a fish up? Water and gas, they're all fluids. Ignoranis.

Oh, and yeah, I want one too.

Pfft I already have one! cept its a real alien spaceship with lightbean and human/cow attachments.

Will you do a post when we can actually buy it?

Ace,
Grass sticks to the ground? If it is strong enough to lift a cow in the air it can pull grass out of the ground. The beam is pulling against the earth too. Not just the cow. Plus by your imagination the space craft would have to be lighter than air since a boat is lighter than the water it sits in. I should say dense though, like your head. Beeotch!

Joe Mama,

The tractor beam is aimed at the cow. The rest is a floodlight designed to reinforce the idea that you're getting sucked up into a spaceship, thus causing you to empty your bowels prior to your anal probe. Hope this helps.

All of your concepts are ludicrous. A ship like this would operate by anti-gravity and/or zero-point energy. And a civilization that had mastered interstellar travel or even intergalactic and possibly trans-dimensional travel would surely have no problem using their propulsion and anti-grav mastery to pluck what ever matter they desire from a surface while leaving the unwanted matter undisturbed. Also, such a being would definitely crashed or been shot down in Roswell, New Mexico. And if there were actual organisms inside the craft, the only reason I can think of would be that they were sight seeing. Otherwise, a drone could do whatever was necessary. Or it could be some kind of artificial intelligence that evolved and wouldn't have the downsides of other biologies i.e. tolerance to heat, cold, lack of atmosphere, short livability and need for sustinence as we do. And it would probably sell us lamps.

^ Man, that is one unlucky guy.

THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN A LAMP THAT LOOKS LIKE A UFO WAS CONSUMMATED IN A.D. 2101. HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN ALL YOUR URETHRA BELONG TO THEM AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY WILL DO. AND IF YOU DON'T DO IT THEN YOU MY FRIEND ARE OPRAH WINFREY'S ONLY HOPE FOR SURVIVAL. DON'T GIVE UP.

BELIEVE IT!

They should just make the UFO the top of a Lava Lamp. Or just make it ouf some tyoe of resin. It would be cool to see a dude or cow flotting around in that thing.

Is it typically a bad thing whenever I saw this and thought "Hey, maybe they'll get the ones across the street before -I- do.." ?

Because you know, anybody that can get rid of an annoying animal that stinks is my friend. And they better come in peace or they'll leave in pieces. >.O

I don't need a satellite going into my ass, I'm fairly certain physics would deny it. :)

...cool lamp, really. I'd have to be the one asshole who buys one and tosses a box of condoms in there or something. Like the aliens need it. Yeah.

Btw, Ace, if your theory is correct, I wonder how many times they focused it on only one part of something and thus f***ed everything up? I can see a poor squirrel sitting around one day. Of course, an alien goes for the largest target; the tail. YANK. No more tail. Poor bleeding rat swearing vengeance. Like a remake of Conker's Bad Fur Day.

I'm sure the aliens depicted in the interstellar craft seem the type that could afford the most kick ass tractor beam avilable (I recognise the one on the left - he's definately done some work in adverts or TV movies). But in real life most of my "visitor" friends go for the cheap yet powerful option (Sorta like me - I want a Dyson but I ended up with an Elecrtolux..)

After they suck that heffer up into their craft it's going to be followed by quite a bit of top soil, a gopher, some rabbits, blackbeards gold, Jimmy Hoffa, a murlock on it's lunchbreak and then possibly Satan....

There's no science to it.. just a fact most Aliens are cheap bastards!

where do we get one of these?!

I don't think they knew what they were getting in to:

http://lh6.google.com/image/cobes04/RmmChdGzkVI/AAAAAAAAAIg/lx8FN8GtwUU/Raptor-Saucer-Lamp.jpg

i like this idea. i was thinking...

i used ti make these candleholders. the candle sits at the base of a metal, marble and translucent bead, homemade tree. the candlelight would cast a showow of the tree on the ceiling above, thereby giving the illusion of sitting under a tree. with the marbles, the tree became a fruit bearing tree, for instance. anyway, i thought it would be very cool, and a true "must-have," if the ufo also did the same "shadow casting" trick on the ceiling above it. perhaps a magnifying window on the top of the ufo, so that when illuminated, the lamp would show not only an abject being lifted to it, but project an image of another "being" being anally raped inside the ufo.

of course, this is only my opinion, and in know way reflects the opinions of this stack of 'happy.'

This....would make an excellent bong.

kool

kool

kool

ff seems to like this idea.

This lamp is AWESOME. It made me laugh out loud. WHERE CAN I BUY ONE?

OMG is it possible to buy yet? PLEASE let me know! [email protected]!

how much is it

That is freaken awesome. Reminds me of that simpsons episode when they got abducted but homer was too heavy for them to beam up with one.

The lamp is now available as a special edition from http://www.abductionlamp.com

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