Nov 1 2011India Offering Cars, Cash For Male Sterility

Inb4 cash for gonads.

India, in an attempt to halt the country's exploding population, is offering cars, motorcycles, cash, televisions and blenders to men willing to have vasectomies. No word if the men receiving blenders will have to perform the operation themselves.

The chief medical office of Rajasthan's Jhunjunu Sitaram Sharma hopes that about 30,000 individuals will volunteer...

This follows on the heels of a similar program wherein approximately 150 men received vasectomies in exchange for gun licenses in a region that has been described as "bandit-invested." That'll end well.

India's population has been growing out of control, and is currently on track to surpass China's population within the next 20 years. Currently, India's population is at around 1.21 billion.

Not gonna lie, I'd get my nuts cut for a whole lot less. I'm talking like the promise of an Applebee's gift card. Not even the actual gift card, just the promise of one. And I'm not just saying that because I don't want any more kids, but because I really love Applebees. One appetizer and two entrees for $20 -- how're they even turning a profit?!

India Offers Cars and Other Goodies in Exchange for Sterilization [weirdasianews]

Thanks to Melissa, who isn't convinced sterilizing 30,000 guys is gonna make much of a dent in a 1.21-billion person population. No? Maybe they're the ones getting all the ladies pregnant!

Nov 1 2011Boeing 767 Emergency Landing Sans Wheels

This is a video of a Boeing 767 making an emergency landing in Warsaw after its landing gear failed to deploy. There were 230 people on board, but nobody was injured. Soaked in shit and piss, yes.

It appears the Polish Lot aircraft, en route from New York, circled the city to burn up fuel and allow emergency crews to gather in preparation for the landing.

Hey -- how many Polish pilots does it take to land an airplane? Polish pilots -- that'll be the day! But seriously, sweet-ass landing. I actually have a spoon that looks like a little airplane and I can't even get a spoonful of beans & weenies in my mouth without poking an eye.

Hit the jump for the I've experienced rougher landings WITH landing gear.

Continue Reading "Boeing 767 Emergency Landing Sans Wheels"

Nov 1 2011Scale Replica Of Halo Sniper Rifle In LEGO

Your barrel's saggin', bro.

God, if I had a nickel for every time somebody told me my barrel was droopy I'd be pounding an Egg McMuffin right now. This is Nick Jensen and his 1:1 scale replica Halo: Reach LEGO sniper rifle. I...wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of it (butt or otherwise).

Based on the Halo: Reach incarnation of the weapon, it's 63 inches long, weighs over ten pounds and features a removable magazine, moving safety and sliding bolt (it doesn't actually fire, though). It also took over four months to complete.

Good lookin', Nick. I've seen a lot of LEGO guns in my day, and let me tell you: don't ever bring one to a knife fight. It may seem like a good idea if you've been drinking, but you WILL get cut, and you WILL bleed. You ever had a blood transfusion before? They filled me with Kool-Aid.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots but follow the link for higher-res versions.

Continue Reading "Scale Replica Of Halo Sniper Rifle In LEGO"

Nov 1 2011That Guy's On Fire: Playing Battlefield 3 IRL

This is a video of Battlefield 3 being played in real life from the same guys that brought us Team Fortress 2 in real life. This one focuses on the role of the medic and the power of the defibrillator. The production value is pretty high. I mean, just look at that guy. He's on fire. I remember the first time I caught fire.

Hit the jump for the worthwhile video.

Continue Reading "That Guy's On Fire: Playing Battlefield 3 IRL"

Nov 1 2011Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Tree

This is a tree knot that looks like a ninja turtle face. Somewhere in the woods right now Shredder is trying to set a pile of pine needles on fire with a magnifying glass and Smokey the Bear is all, "AAAAAAAH, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!" Me? I'm regretting a lot of the decisions I made last night.

Cowabunga! The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Tree [obviouswinner]

Oct 31 2011Two Steps Away From Terminators: Boston Dynamics' PETMAN Gets An Upgrade, Arms

BO is right -- slap some Old Spice up in them pits!

Seen here looking eerily human, Boston Dynamics' bipedal humanoid robot PETMAN has been upgraded with arms (capable of pushups!) and a smoother gait. Well thank God! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a goofy-walking robot. OMG -- did you see PETMAN walking on his toes? What a sped!

Hit the jump for a very worthwhile video of his capabilities.

Continue Reading "Two Steps Away From Terminators: Boston Dynamics' PETMAN Gets An Upgrade, Arms"

Oct 31 2011Finally, A Decent Rotisserie In A Briefcase

This is a $720 rotisserie in a briefcase. You can carry it around handcuffed to your wrist like a spy, then break it out and cook some meat. Just sayin', I'd slap my meat on your grill. Gentlemen?

The Carson Rotisseries, Inc., rotisserie grill is the perfect, easy to use grill for any place or occasion. It has the capability of seven rotating skewers which evenly cook and self-baste meats, vegetables, and fruits over an open flame, creating the most succulent dishes you can imagine. The sleek lightweight metal case, removable charcoal pan, rechargeable battery, and wall-plug adapter give you ultimate portability to make any grilling opportunity an unforgettable culinary experience.

LOL @ "...make any grilling opportunity an unforgettable culinary experience." I can see it now: Oh man, remember the chicken we cooked in that briefcase grill of yours? *tearing up* I'mma be thinkin' about that shit on my deathbed, bro.

Hit the jump for a couple closeups.

Continue Reading "Finally, A Decent Rotisserie In A Briefcase"

Oct 31 2011Google Street View: Now With Store Interiors

Google is going to start offering businesses the opportunity to have the interiors of their stores photographed and available on Google Street View. That way a user can...see the inside of a store? WHAT THE -- A COMIC BOOK STORE WITH COMICS INSIDE?! *brain explodes shooting cobwebs like Spiderman*

Business owners are told they must warn their customers and employees about the photoshoot before it begins. Google has promised it will blur out or refuse to publish any images that include bystanders.

The photoshoots will produce 360-degree images using fish-eye and wide-angle lenses as well as stills. Business owners are also invited to upload their own pictures.

*tries Street Viewing every strip club I can think of* Damn, nary an areola. Oooh ooooh -- *Street Views Cinnabon* Mmmm, now that's what I'm talking about. *lathering chest with icing and crushed pecans*

Example Comic Book Store and Guitar Shop
and
Google Street View now takes you inside buildings [msnbc]

Thanks to Lynn, who agrees they should expand the service to include restaurants' kitchens. Yeah! ...Are those hot wings on the floor?

Oct 31 2011JK Rowling Considered Offing Ron Weasley

JK Rowling, best known for her initials being the same as the acronym for just kidding (jk jk!), considered offing redheaded stepchild Ron Weasley in the middle of the Harry Potter franchise because she's sick she was in a "dark place", despite the fact she was a multi-millionaire before the third book even came out. Hey -- I guess money doesn't buy happiness after all. Except mine. It would definitely buy mine.

When asked if she had anticipated any of the main characters dying in the series, she said: "Funnily enough, I planned from the start that none of them would die.

"Then midway through, which I think is a reflection of the fact that I wasn't in a very happy place, I started thinking I might polish one of them off. Out of sheer spite. 'There, now you definitely can't have him any more.

"But I think in my absolute heart of heart of hearts, although I did seriously consider killing Ron, I wouldn't have done it."

Admittedly, I can commiserate with Rowling on this one. Just not as a writer, as a person who makes decisions based on sheer spite. HOHO, YOU LIKE THE NOSE, DON'T YOU, FACE?! WELL TOO BAD! *takes potato peeler to nose* I smoked PCP!

JK Rowling admits she was thinking of killing off Ron Weasley [telegraph]

Thanks to Lord Voldemort (who was all for the decision) and Christine, who were pissed with Rowling's decision to kill off Boromir while he was trying to protect Merry and Pippin.

Oct 31 2011Of Course He Did: Idiot Moron Accidentally Cuts Off Own Arm With Homemade Guillotine

Seen here looking exactly how I'd imagine the homemade guillotine constructed by a homeless man in the woods would look like, the bum-built guillotine responsible for severing its maker's arm pauses for a photo op. *holding up camera* Over here, over here -- by the deer skull nailed to a tree!

Police say the guillotine unexpectedly dropped on the man's shoulder Thursday at makeshift camp where he was living.

The man ran to a nearby medical clinic, leaving the his arm behind.

Officers checked a wooded area near the clinic and discovered the man's camp.

At the location, officers found the guillotine and severed arm.

Officers say the guillotine was constructed out of 2 by 6 by at least 12-feet tall timbers that the man found by scavenging the local area.

Now I'm not saying a homeless man living in the woods with a homemade guillotine is obviously up to no good, but...yes, yes I am. It's probably good he cut that arm off when he did.

Man Loses Arm in Freak Homemade Guillotine Accident [fox40]

Thanks to syccness, who wants to know how many squirrels ol' One-arm put through that thing.