Geekologie I Watch Stuff The Superficial

Creationist Leader Announces Aliens Aren't Candidates For Salvation, Don't Exist Anyways So Who Cares


Ken Ham, president of the Answers in Genesis ministry (which operates the Creation Museum where he debated Bill Nye) recently announced on his blog that aliens aren't candidates for salvation because they aren't the offspring of Adam and only Adam's descendants can be saved. Oh, plus they don't exist anyways so what's the big deal? Sorry, E.T., maybe it's time you phone home and find your own God.

Life did not evolve but was specially created by God, as Genesis clearly teaches. Christians certainly shouldn't expect alien life to be cropping up across the universe. . . .

Now the Bible doesn't say whether there is or is not animal or plant life in outer space. I certainly suspect not. The Earth was created for human life. And the sun and moon were created for signs and our seasons--and to declare the glory of God.

And I do believe there can't be other intelligent beings in outer space because of the meaning of the gospel. You see, the Bible makes it clear that Adam's sin affected the whole universe. This means that any aliens would also be affected by Adam's sin, but because they are not Adam's descendants, they can't have salvation. One day, the whole universe will be judged by fire, and there will be a new heavens and earth.

Honestly, I'm about ready for the whole universe to get judged by fire THIS WEEKEND. Just bring it. I'm tired of all the bickering, let's just do this thing. I'm not scared. I'm more scared of riding in a car going over 40MPH. Plus it would be cool to see all the cosplayers attending Comic-Con on fire. "God to GW, you still in San Diego? Report in." Roger that, God. Yeah, they're flaming up real good now. I'm gonna grab one last hotdog and I'll see you back in the clouds, big guy. *rereads* Man, I rule at playing apocalypse.

Thanks to dr venkman, who informed me you should never, under any circumstances, try to capture an angel in a ghostbusters ghost trap.

Hot Wheels Makes Full Size Darth Vader Car To Promote The Teensy Version Coming Out


Hot Wheels unveiled this full-size Darth Vader mask inspired car at this weekend's San Diego Comic-Con. The car was built to promote the teensy $40 version they'll be releasing this fall. Damn, $40 for a Hot Wheels car? TIMES HAVE CHANGED. And so have I. Just kidding, I'm still the same @$$hole I've always been. Admittedly, I'm not one of those guys who has sex with cars, but if I WAS one of those guys who had sex with cars, I would only have sex with flying cars. I have standards.

The all black car looks like a flattened version of Vader's iconic helmet, and features what could be the greatest grille of all time...Other clever touches include a windshield that looks like Vader's mask, and lightsaber chrome exhaust pipes.

The car is powered by a 526 horsepower GM LS3 engine, and even sounds like Darth Vader's breathing apparatus.

The car was built on a Corvette chassis and has been clocked at 80MPH, but the team behind the build believes it could reach speeds up to 150MPH. Those aren't exactly hyperspace drive speeds, but it is 90MPH faster than my car will go before the rattling gets so bad I'm afraid it's going to shake itself apart. I've been looking in my rearview and seen pieces fall off and get run over by the cars behind me before.

Keep going for several closeups and a video.

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1,000's Of People Cracking Their Knuckles Simultaneously


You ever wondered what it would sound like if an auditorium full of people cracked their knuckles simultaneously? Well your sleepless nights are over, my freaky friend, because this is a video of exactly that. Filmed at a PAX East panel in 2010, allegedly thousands of people participated. Honestly, I kind of expected for it to sound even more intense. Also, for at least a couple people to go above and beyond the call of duty and actually break their fingers. 'Go big or go home,' that's my motto. Jk jk, it's 'Order delivery and stay home,' but still. Everyone's a badass in their own way.

Keep going for the video. Then get out there and organize the world's largest fingernails on a chalkboard meeting.

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Bat Affleck's Bat-Cowl Fully Revealed


Batman's latest cowl is currently on display at Comic Con, where it hangs with a hollowness we for now cannot blame on Ben Affleck. But thanks to reddit and SuperHeroHype, we can at least get a better view of the mask than we could in that morose first photo. As you can see, our new Batman's rubbery headpiece now perpetually looks cross and has constantly-visible eyelids. One step closer to Garfield.

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SUCH COOL MOVES: Assassin's Creed Unity Parkour


To celebrate the upcoming release of Assassin's Creed Unity due out this October, Youtuber Devin Supertramp teamed up with Ubisoft to produce this parkour video inspired by the game (which was shot in 4K so be sure to ramp up the HD). It features four assassins chasing some Frenchie soldiers all over Paris. It really is worth a watch, they do some crazy shit. Things that could easily kill a non-assassin. Including, but not limited to: jumping off of buildings, running up a bridge, flips, barrel rolls and MORE. "Any ACTUAL assassinations?" I mean, I'm not saying they really killed those two guys at the end, but I also wouldn't be surprised if their phones went straight to voicemail if you tried calling.

Keep going for the video.

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Classic: The Old 'Oops I Accidentally Included A Picture Of My Junk' In A Real Estate Listing


This is a shot from a real estate listing for a condo in Austin, Texas, in which the owner "accidentally" included a naked picture of himself standing in one of the home's bathrooms (links to original Gawker article with an NSFW version of picture just in case dongs are your thing). No word if the picture helped sell the unit(!), but I do know I just considered making an offer and I'm not even in the market for a condo in Austin.

Beautiful three story condo located in central Austin, backing up to a wooded greenbelt. This condo had several windows that overlook the gorgeous greenbelt that is full of large trees. The windows have custom plantation shutters. Each story has its own deck as well as its own central air/heat. The condo is also equipped with a central vacuum system.

Weird, no mention of the previous owner's penis. I would have at least tried to work the 'this condo made my penis grow over two inches while I lived here' angle. But that's just me and I'm a natural born salesman. Did I tell you I once sold a Zippo lighter to the devil? "Impressive." Right? Plus it was engraved with 'Jesus is my Lord.'

Thanks to Becca, who agrees you should probably hold off flashing a picture of your junk until you're actually closing on the deal.

Father Invents Method To Fill 100 Water Balloons/Minute


Meet Bunch O Balloons, a system for filling up to 100 water balloons per minute invented by father of eight Josh Malone. Because when it's your job to fill water balloons for eight kids, you're gonna find a way to make that shit easier on yourself. Same goes for putting them all sleep (yell "GOODNIGHT" from the garage and pull the circuit breaker).

After testing many ideas -- including one that involved filling balloons with marshmallows -- Malone, 41, came up with the idea to use a tube to transport the water from the hose into the balloons and using an elastic ring around the necks of the balloons to seal them.

Once you tie the Bunch O Balloons attachment to the garden hose, the only other item you need is a small container filled with water below the hose to protect the balloons when they pop off the hose, sealed and filled with water.

Bunch O Balloons is currently a Kickstarter project but blew past its $10,000 goal instantly and is already in excess of $300,000. So if you want some you can get a package of 100 starting at $15 (plus an extra $25 shipping outside the US). That's a little expensive for something you're just going to try to pop on a brother or sister's face, but whatever. Did I ever tell you about the time I filled a water balloon with olive oil? My little sister was PISSED. Especially since I popped it on her when she was still asleep in bed.

Keep going for a shot of the process and their Kickstarter video in case the concept is BLOWING YOUR MIND.

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Fruit Cocktail: Tree Grows 40 Different Kinds Of Fruit


This is a suspect looking picture of one of artist Sam Van Aken's Trees of 40 Fruit, trees he's continuously grafted branches from different peach, plum, apricot, nectarine, cherry, and almond varieties to. Impressive, but nowhere near as impressive as a tree that can grow winning lotto scratchers.

At first, Van Aken combines a few types onto the root structure of a single tree, allowing his "working tree" to mature to at least two years old. Then he proceeds to add more varieties to the limbs in a sequence called "chip grafting." Van Aken inserts a budding branch into an incision in the working tree -- with a piece of tape, no less -- and allows the limb to function as a normal appendage of the plant. The process takes about 5 years per tree, and has yielded 16 "Trees of 40 Fruit" thus far.

Oh man, could you imagine if George Washington had chopped one of these down instead of a cherry tree? I doubt his dad would have let him live long enough to ever become president. And then who would have been our first president? "John Adams?" Oh God, don't even joke about it.

Thanks to Jennifer, who agrees a tree that could grow mushroom and black olive pizza would be even more amazing.