Note: Worthwhile larger version HERE. Full-res version available from NASA here (click the photo).
This is a composite of 16 separate photos taken and stitched together by astronomer Dave Lane to create a panorama of the Milky Way Galaxy's central band above Silex Spring in Yellowstone National Park. Damn, that is a whole lot of beauty in one photo. Like if you stitched together every Playboy centerfold, then if you looked at them from far away they all formed ANOTHER naked lady. Yeah, just like that. A nipple for every star.
Thanks to Pavel, who likes to stargaze at night and ponder the meaning of life. Me? I like to get just drunk enough to pass out and not wake up at all in the middle of the night.
This is the 99-pack of Peacemaker beer available from Austin Beerworks. It's seven feet long, weighs 82-pounds, costs $99, and has 99 beers inside. For reference, that's about a dollar a beer. "No, that's EXACTLY a dollar a beer." OH COOL, YOU'RE GOOD AT MATH, WAY TO BRAG. I do not have a fridge large enough to hold this case. If I need to buy 99 beers at once, I'll do it the way God Intended: in a keg. Have I ever told you I have a kegerator in my bedroom? Well if I did, I was lying. I've only DREAMED of having a kegerator in my bedroom. Plus a lady. Such cool dreams.
Keep going for a video about how the monster case came to be.
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Dammit Doctor, I thought I told you to restock the toilet paper.
This is the TARDIS replica that was repurposed as a bathroom by Justin Hoggans of The Warmley Waiting Room Cafe in Bristol, England. It makes the perfect place to take a dump knowing there are people sitting litereally 3-feet away trying to enjoy their tea and biscuits. Will they hear your butt singing? Maybe!
Owner Justin Hoggans said: "It's got everything you need; a toilet, sink, hot and cold water and a hand dryer."
"We've got a doorbell we can press in the cafe that makes the sound go off, so we do it when someone's having their photograph taken outside - which is quite often.
"The light is operated off a motion sensor so as someone goes into the toilet, the lights inside and on top of the box go on to indicate the toilet's in use."
Neat, but how weird would it be to go in there to take care of some business, only to exit at a different place and time? What the -- did I fall asleep in there again? I used to think it was cool to try to use all the porta-potties they set up whenever they're doing construction on a house. Turns out it's not cool though. Especially if you're in one when it gets hit by a texting driver. It's the memory I use when I need to get myself to puke. Or cry.
Keep going for a couple more shots of the intergalactic space and time crapper.
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Note: Larger version HERE so you don't have to strain those beady little eyeballs of yours (one of your friends told me you look like a rat).
This is the conversation between Redditor UranusExplorer (hey -- you stay out of there!) and an Amazon customer service rep about a book order. They decide to role-play as Thor and his father, Odin. It reminded me of that Netflix customer service rep that all-starred his performance as well. Those are some quality customer service reps. Me? I always manage to get the one who isn't afraid to hang up or disconnect the chat. Fun fact: when I was in college I actually used to work at a call center for a satellite TV company. One time when I was training I panicked and put a woman on hold for so long she hung up on me. Of course that just so happened to be the call that quality assurance was listening in on. They came and made me sign a 'non-negotiable' form that said if it ever happened again I'd be fired. Then on my lunch break I went out and got high and just never came back. I spent the afternoon in a field eating wild berries. Looking back, that might have been the last good afternoon of my life.
Thanks to n0nentity, cameron, Jenn, Alex Kidd (I used to love that game on Genesis!) and Sarah, who agree quality customer service reps can really turn a frown upside-down. And bad ones? A bad one can make you want to drive to wherever they are and tear their f***ing head off and kick it like a football.
18-year old Skyler Connor has been charged with disorderly conduct after waving a rubber dildo out the window of a friend's car while traveling on Route 30 near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (today must be your lucky day, Florida). For reference, you should never wave a rubber dildo at other motorists. It's dangerous. It's right up there with texting. Also, you should never agree to drive a friend who you're aware is in possession of a rubber penis. But if you decide to throw caution into the wind and take them to the mall anyways, the moment that rubber dildo comes out of their bookbag it is your civic duty PULL OVER AND KICK THEM OUT OF THE VEHICLE. You don't even really need to stop, anything below 15MPH is fine. You wanna have fun with a dildo on the road? Try using it to thumb a ride.
Thanks to Brandon, who agrees if you have to wave a sex toy around on the road, at least use something a little less recognizable, like anal beads. What is that kid waving, a toy necklace?
This is a video of the Mad Hatter hat juggler in Japan. He juggles hats. Plus rolls them down his arms and across his back, puts them on, takes them off, stuff like that. It looks like he'd make the perfect addition to my traveling sideshow. Just a heads up though, bro -- you're gonna have to bunk with the snakes-for-arms lady, and those arms have minds of their own after the lights go out. Know what I'm saying? I'm saying you gotta watch that ass. And never, under any circumstances, keep mice in your pockets. "But--" NO BUTS, HOMIE, YOU'RE NOT F***ING LENNIE FROM 'OF MICE AND MEN'.
Keep going for the video. Then try to flip your own hat onto your head and hit yourself in the nose.
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This is a video of a Taiwanese street artist producing a speed painting. The subject of the painting is virtually unrecognizable until the big reveal at the very end. Did you see that coming? Can he paint other characters the same way? I dunno, maybe he only memorized how to do this one. I have no room to talk though, I can't even keep my crayons within the lines in coloring books. You know how many coloring book pages of mine my mom hung on the fridge growing up? Actually, a lot. But she would always take them down and hide them in a drawer before company came over.
Keep going for the video.
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Because pretty much everything you've ever thought you've known is a filthy lie, Sanrio recently mentioned that Hello Kitty isn't a cat, she's a little girl. Wait -- so like, a furry? Because she looks an awful lot like a cat. If she's not playing dress-up all the time then I'm gonna go out on a limb and say at least one of her parents has to be a cat. A grandparent, bare minimum.
Christine R. Yano, an anthropologist from the University of Hawaii who is curating the upcoming Hello Kitty retrospective at the Japanese American National Museum in October, told the L.A. Times that she discovered this when the Sanrio folks corrected her after she described Hello Kitty as a cat in her written texts for the exhibit.
"I was corrected -- very firmly," Yano said. "That's one correction Sanrio made for my script for the show. Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it's called Charmmy Kitty."
So Hello Kitty is a little girl, but has her own pet cat named Charmmy Kitty. Although Hello Kitty and Charmmy Kitty have never been spotted in the same place at the same time. Hoho, down the rabbit hole! Is Charmmy Kitty actually Hello Kitty?! What about the little googly eyed frog and that penguin with the attitude? Where do they fit in? Man, I ate so many Hello Kitty erasers growing up, they were my favorite.
Thanks to Max, Jackie May, spritz, Allyson, NT and anybody who didn't include Hello Kitty in the title of their tip, who agree it's only a matter of time before Sanrio changes their tune and announces Hello Kitty is actually a space alien.