We weren't planning on doing the official launch for our new sibling site yet, but now seems like a good opportunity for a sneak peek considering they've put up the official teaser trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron. So head on over. Take a look around. Help yourself to whatever they've got in the fridge. We won't tell. We'll make an actual announcement here once they get their shit together.
PROTIP: Check your volume, screaming.
This is a video of magician Rahat Hussein (of the invisible driver drive-thru prank fame) trying to scare people with an alien chestbursting prank. It's decent. Plus you can buy the costume for $30 to do it yourself on Halloween HERE. Although, personally, I don't think I'd be scared. I'd be like the guy at 0:45 who just smiles and keeps walking. I live in a bad part of town, I'm used to people running up to me screaming. Granted I've never witnessed an alien burst out of their chest, but that actually ranks pretty low on the extremity of things I've seen. I once had some crazy guy come running up to me WITH HIS PENIS IN HIS HAND. It was not attached!
Keep going for the video.
Oh-hoh-hoh -- zat is ze second largest butt plug I have seen!
A group of angry art-critic vandals successfully deflated American artist Paul McCarthy's work "Tree", which had been on display in Paris's Place Vendôme as part of an international contemporary art fair. The piece was inspired by both a butt plug and a Christmas tree. Although, minus the color, it looks almost entirely butt plug to me. And, SURPRISE, some Frenchies weren't cool with that!
"An unidentified group of people cut the cables which were holding the artwork, which caused it to collapse," police told Reuters.
Paris Mayor Anne Hidalgo said the attack was unacceptable and also denounced an assault on McCarthy the day he installed the work, when a man hit him in the face before running away.
"Paris will not succumb to the threats of those who, by attacking an artist or a work, are attacking artistic freedom," she said in a statement. "Art has its place in our streets and nobody will be able to chase it away."
Wow, for a group that sounds so anal, you'd think they'd be cool with a giant butt plug. Get it? Because that's where butt plugs go -- in the anal. "Anus." Whatever. Also, I can't believe Paul McCartney went from the Beatles to giant inflatable butt plug sculptures. "Paul McCarthy, NOT McCartney." Don't even act like you didn't think that at first too.
Thanks to Ed and E V I L A R E S, who agree we should inflate a string of increasingly larger helium balloons that look like anal beads and call it "Necklace".
When it comes to ice or candy, I'll choose candy every time, even if I'm dying of heat stroke. At least I died chewing sugar. This is a portrait-mode video of Youtuber Deric Peace demonstrating how well an automatic ice dispenser works at dispensing candy. SPOILER: it works VERY WELL. Sadly, I don't have the luxury of a refrigerator with an automatic ice dispenser, and filling the ice cube trays in my mini-fridge with candy has only proven to make me deeply, deeply depressed. At least I have candy so I can eat my feelings.
Keep going for the video.
In news that implies the artist responsible for his gold burial mask must have really taken some serious liberties, this a computer model created using 2,000 computer scans and genetic analysis of King Tutankhamun's mummy showing what the child king might have actually looked like. It's believed King Tut, who died around the age of 18, had buck teeth, a club foot, and "girlish hips". Plus some decent A-cup sized titties. Did I mention his parents were brother and sister? Because his parents were brother and sister. That might have something to do with it.
The scientists believe that this left him with physical impairments triggered by hormonal imbalances. And his family history could also have led to his premature death in his late teens.
Various myths suggest he was murdered or was involved in a chariot crash after fractures were found in his skull and other parts of his skeleton.
Now scientists believe he may have died of an inherited illness because only one of the breaks occurred before he died, while his club foot would have made chariot racing impossible.
See? Sometimes even kings have it rough. You should be thankful for what you've got, that's the real message here. Plus be careful what you wish for if you rub a magic lamp. Just because you wish to be a king doesn't mean the genie isn't going to make you a king with a boner growing out of your head and legs for arms. Never trust a genie -- I guess that's the REAL real message here.
Thanks to Case, who tried to tell me the ancient Egyptians were actually aliens, which I half believe.
This is one of six (and one of only three remaining) modified Lotus Esprit submarine cars used in the filming of the 1977 James Bond Film 'The Spy Who Loved Me'. It's being sold on eBay for $1,000,000. Unfortunately, it's not Wet Nellie, the one they used that was an ACTUAL functioning submarine car (which was bought by Elon Musk in 2013 who plans to refurbish it using Tesla's electric drive-train). This one isn't even drivable, and was only used for the retractable wheels scene. So basically you're paying $1,000,000 for a giant white brick. I'm pretty sure I could have somebody build me a real functional submarine car for that. Hopefully out of a taco truck. God willing, the mermaids will hail me as the hero who brought burritos to Atlantis.
Keep going for several more shots.
These are the Zombie Cutting Boards designed by Dave Stencil. Already a funded Kickstarter campaign, $35 get your choice of one of three zombie designs in a standard bamboo cutting board, $45 gets your choice of zombie on a cleaver shaped bread board, and $50 gets a standard cutting board in maple, cherry, or mahogany. Because who doesn't like thinking about rotting flesh when they're preparing dinner? I know I do. Plus other gross things loogies and doodoo. It's sort of a diet I invented (The Gross-Out Diet -- book coming soon) that makes it harder to eat so much. Also, I don't actually use a cutting board, I just cut things up right on the kitchen counter. I can't even tell you how many times I've gotten salmonella from raw meat, but apparently not enough to learn my lesson. Besides, people get all worked up about salmonella poisoning, but it's really just another name for 5-day diarrhea.
Thanks to Tim M, who doesn't need a cutting board because he cuts all his fruits and vegetables in the air like a real life Fruit Ninja.
This is the polygonal skull mask design created by Etsy seller Wintercroft that can be cut and folded out of cardboard or heavy card stock. You can purchase the instantly-downloadable PDF template HERE for $7. Oooooor convince yourself that's entirely too much to pay, and try to find a pirated torrent of the design online. I couldn't, but I do have like twenty p0rnos downloading now.
Keep going for several more shots plus the BONUS animal masks available from the same shop.