Reporter Tracks Down Notoriously Racist Internet Troll

Seen here looking exactly how I'd imagine a piece of shit internet troll would (okay, maybe a little older), Darren Burton (aka Facebook user Nimrod Severn), is confronted by a reporter about the offensive (and often racist) comments he leaves on the memorial pages of the recently deceased. Things go about how you'd expect considering Darren is a 41-YEAR OLD with nothing better to do than troll Facebook pages. Trolls, man -- they're why we can't have nice things. They're always hiding under their little bridge just waiting to ruin things for everybody who has to pass over them. God, how about you stop being such a nancy and crawl out from under that bridge AND SAY IT TO SOMEBODY'S FACE. "Fine, maybe I will." Good! "I hate you and I ha..." HOOOOOOOOOOONK! *GW drives 18-wheeler straight through butthole like a mountain tunnel* Did somebody saying something? I had my trucker music up full blast. *peels out in a blaze of chrome mudflap girls*

Hit the jump for the damn, just go die bro. Living to troll ain't f***ing living.

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Interactive Guide To The Size Of The Known Universe

Note: No screencap is really gonna do the guide justice, you're gonna have to play with it yourself (or watch the video) to put things in perspective. A perspective your feeble mind won't comprehend!

This is a link to an interactive guide to the size of the known universe (just like the title says -- f***ing crazy!). It starts in the middle at the size of man (or a large lady), but you can use the slider bar to move left to smaller objects (down to ants, atoms, quarks, etc.) and right to larger ones (planets, galaxies, yo momma, etc.). Clicking objects will open a pop-up with more info. Now follow the link and get clicking! Oooooooor follow me home and stab me, I really don't care anymore.

Video walkthrough of the guide and a link to the interactive version after the jump.

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Yes, I'd Like A Pizza -- Half Pepperoni, Half Proposal: Pizza Hut's $10,010 Valentine's Engagement Special

Because you can't spell 'romancepizza' without 'pizza', Pizza Hut is running a $10,010 Valentine's engagement special that includes a ruby engagement ring, limo service, flower bouquet, fireworks display, professional photographer & videographer and, perhaps most importantly, pizza and breadsticks. Because nothing says "Will you marry me?" like marinara sauce dripping down your dress shirt. "This is so f***ing ridiculous. What a perfect testament to everything that's wrong with America. Come on, Taco Bell meal deal proposal or GTFO." OMG -- I was thinking the exact same thing! I mean, if it HAS to be pizza, it should at least be Little Caesar's. Pizza Hut, really? No thank you. Hey honey, I got you an engagement ring. And a pizza! AND REALLY BAD DIARRHEA LATER.

Official Pizza Hut Product Site (get drunk and order one, I dare you!)
via
The $10,010 Pizza Hut Ultimate Valentine's Day Proposal in a Box [obviouswinner]

Thanks to Terry re, who proposed the old fashioned way: getting down on one knee, then passing out. Classic.

Official Portal Gun Replicas Available For Preorder

While nowhere near as impressive as some of the fan-made ones we've seen, this officially licensed full-scale Portal gun replica is now available for preorder from Hobby Search for around $170. It lights up orange and blue but is otherwise ENTIRELY NON-FUNCTIONAL. What a ripoff. Per terribly translated product description:

Beautiful woven ─ ─ curve, the mobile device space of a dream

- Puzzle action game masterpiece of VALVE, [PORTAL]! There is no guy does not start,
"Cancer incidence portal" is "Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device" thing, Prop rainy day
Appearance is made to the replica!
- Intact during the game, the mobile device space of a dream that brings together the technology's science aperture
Fully reproduced. Light blue and orange is equipped with the gimmick of course.
Can enjoy the beautiful design of unique products VALVE, fan is a must-see item.
THE CAKE IS A LIE!

Granted for $170 I don't expect a fully operational Portal gun, but I do expect something that can at least create SOME size of Portal. Even something big enough to throw action figures through would be cool. You know, take playtime to a whole new level.

Hit the jump for the gun glowing blue and a link to the product page.

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Good Work, Detective: Cop Chases After Himself

AHAHAHHAHAHAHA -- my dog does that!

A plainclothes British police officer, staking out an area recently hit by a string of burglaries, was tipped off by a CCTV operator (closed circuit TV, aka Big Brother) of a suspicious person in the area. Aaaaaaaaaand proceeded to chase himself for 20 minutes while the operator gave him directions. Get it? Because he was that suspicious person. Somebody rob a bank with me?

The operator directed the officer, who was on foot patrol, as he followed the "suspect" on camera last month, telling his colleague on the ground that he was "hot on his heels".

The officer spent around 20 minutes giving chase before a sergeant came into the CCTV control room, recognised the "suspect" and laughed hysterically at the mistake.

Wow, that's some seriously embarrassing shit right there. Almost as bad as the time I unknowingly started a flame-war with myself in the Geekologie comments. What? I can't remember all the names I use!

CCTV police officer 'chased himself' after being mistaken for burglar [telegraph]

Thanks to philip, who's seen dogs realize it's their own tail in less time.

Collapsing 2nd Story Floor By Filling Room With Water

Inb4 that is NOT how you run a bath.

This is a video of a house in Norway that's set to be demolished. But, instead of standing in the basement and swinging sledgehammers at load bearing walls like they would in Poland, two guys decide to fill the second story bathroom with water until the floor collapses. This is a video of that happening. It was kind of upsetting to watch because, shit, I would've lived there. Sure it's not the nicest looking house, but it did have a bathroom. UPSTAIRS. That's like a mansion where I come from (I come from the streets). Just sayin', I've been living in a 2001 Explorer for almost four months now. It doesn't even have a DOWNSTAIRS bathroom. It has a pickle jar. A pickle jar and a trashbag for a window.

Hit the jump for the if you really hate somebody you should wait till they go on vacation then put a garden hose through one of their basement windows and leave it running. But you didn't hear that from me, k?

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Fork Me, I'm Hungry: Spider Man Bust Cake

This is a cake of Spider Man's bust made by Cake Central member Arielatl (who may or may not be a mermaid in Atlanta). As you can see, she's pretty good at making lines with icing. Me? I'm terrible at it. One time I was supposed to spell 'Happy Birthday Jason" on a cake and it ended up reading "Choke and die, dickhead" To my credit though, it was a cheap icing bag.

For those who would like to know :) I started with a dummy head, and used fondant to build it out to look like his face, then covered it with fondant, cut the eyes out of fondant, covered it in webbing, and let it dry for a few days. Then, I filled and stacked two 10″ cakes for the middle, and split an 8″ cake into quarters for the shoulders. Then, I carved the sharp edges and the slope and indent for the chest. Next, I crumb-coated the whole bottom, and covered in fondant. I cut a shallow circle the size of the head base in the top of the cake, and set it in with 2 dowels. I then finished the rest of the webbing on the body, and cut the spider out of fondant. I hope this helps! :)

Whoa whoa whoa -- a dummy head? That's a choking hazard! So it's basically just a shoulder cake with an iced mannequin head on top. That's...okay I would still eat that. BUT ONLY BECAUSE I'M FAT.

Hit the jump for one more shot.

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The Lightsaber Hilts From Star Wars: The Old Republic

Note: The larger version you're looking for is right HERE.

Are these all the options for lightsaber hilts in the MMORPG Star Wars: The Old Republic? I have no clue, I'm not playing it. They all do look pretty cool though. They also all look like dildos, so take that for what you will. "I'll take it as you think dildos look pretty cool." I'm fine with that.

Preview your SWTOR Lightsaber's Hilts here [swtor]
via
Lightsaber Lineup [nerdapproved]

Thanks to bb, who doesn't believe in dildos. Oh they're real alright! I've seen one. (I thought it was vibrating lipstick!)