Geekologie I Watch Stuff The Superficial

Death Wish: Longboard Skateboarder Bombs Down Cliffside Road As Fast As Possible


This is a promo video for Arbor Skateboards featuring pro longboarder James Kelly bombing a bunch of roads out west at TOP SPEED. I'm pretty sure I would have flown off the road into a canyon and died on the first turn, possibly even before. Clearly James has complete confidence in his skills, or has a death wish. Did I mention he wipes out at 2:25? Because he wipes out at 2:25. I've eaten shit on my skateboard barely doing 5MPH before and thought I was a goner, and he's going like 25-30MPH. He has special skid pads on though. Plus isn't a sissy and probably didn't call his mom crying to pick him up from the end of the street after it happened.

Keep going for the video.

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Valid Excuses: Canadian Postal Employee Tries to Deliver Package, Can't, Leaves "Bear At Door" Notice In Mailbox


A Canadian Post employee attempted to deliver a package to a rural British Columbia home but was thwarted by his fear of being mauled by the bear that was hanging out on the customer's porch. He instead left a note in the customer's mailbox at the end of the driveway citing the reason the package couldn't be delivered. So, for reference, apparently a bear at your door > rain, sleet or snow. You know, my good pal/mortal enemy Terry just moved to a cabin in the woods of Massachusetts and I've been praying every night he gets mauled and eaten by a bear. Do they even have killer bears in Massachusetts? Because I'd be more than willing to have one imported into his bathroom at night if they don't.

Thanks to TonyPepparoni, who agrees it should be your duty as a postal employee to challenge that bear to a wrestling match.

Mmmm, Pepperoni Brains: Skull Shaped Pizza Rolls


These are the skull-shaped pizza rolls made by Beth at Hungry Happenings using a 3-D skull baking pan. You can buy the pan HERE and follow Beth's recipe to make the pizza rolls HERE. Alternatively, throw a box of Totino's Pizza Rolls in the oven, pass out drunk on the sofa, and wake up to the fire department kicking your door down. It's happened to me before. PROTIP: Don't ever tear a smoke detector off the wall and yank the battery out just because it starts chirping for a new battery. You should replace that battery immediately. Smoke detectors save lives. This message brought to you by the hunks of Los Angeles Fire Station # 13, who finally wised up and stopped responding to my fake 'cat stuck in a tree' calls, even though I always made fresh lemonade.

Keep going for a bunch of shots of the process and the finished products.

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Walking Dead Season 4 Gets Bad Lip Reading Treatment


This is a series of clips from Walking Dead season 4 given the bad lip-reading treatment. As always, the guys did an incredible job. An incredible job at doing a bad job. Reminds me of myself. Also, who knew zombies were so talkative? I thought there were pretty much all, "HURRRR, BRAINS," but they actually have thoughts and opinions. Did you hear the one about the zombie that was trying to write a novel? He got biter's block. Get it? Just kidding, his arms rotted off before he could finish.

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Dammit Mother Nature: Giant Red Leech Swallows Worm Like A String Of Spaghetti


This is a video from the BBC of an unclassified giant leech from Borneo swallowing a 78cm (~31-inch) blue worm like a string of spaghetti. *making phone call* Hello, honey? Cancel the Italian dinner reservations for tonight, I'm not doing pasta again for awhile.

The Giant Red Leech is one of the biggest in the world. The specimen captured on camera was around 30cm long but experts believe they could grow larger.

They have grown so big that they no longer simply suck blood but now actively hunt giant blue worms and suck them down like spaghetti. The worm it is eating is a whopping 78cm.

The new footage shows the leech detecting a worm's trail and following the scent like a sniffer dog.

When it encounters its prey it quickly latches on and moves its lips up and down the iridescent blue body.
"It was either searching for an end to grab, or was working out whether it was too big to eat" said documentary director Paul Williams.

"When it found an end it started to suck. It was incredible."

Mother Nature never ceases to amaze me. And by amaze me I mean make me sick to my stomach. I can't even count how many interventions I've tried to hold for her, but every time I do she shows up with booze and gets me drunk and then my friends and family turn the whole things around on me. Clearly she's smarter than she looks, and she looks like a talking willow tree, so she must be a f***ing genius.

Keep going for the disturbing video.

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Baby Cow Born With Giant Lucky Number 7 On Its Head


Meet Baby Ben, a calf born at the Vale Wood Farm in Pennsylvania with a giant number 7 on its head and named after Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who shares the number 7. When reached for comment about the coincidence, the cow appeared to have no idea what football or numbers even were. Although, to be fair, it clearly couldn't speak human and Charlotte wasn't there to weave a web and translate.

Carissa Itle-Westrick, the director of business development for the family-owned food-and-grocery farm, is hoping Roethlisberger won't mind.

The farm plans to display the calf when it opens its pumpkin patch for business next month.

Itle-Westrick told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette that she's seen a variety of cow patterns over the years such as a state, a continent, and once even a Nike's swoosh.

Vale Wood Farms has been around since 1933 and while it processes its own milk and dairy, it doesn't use any meat from the cows.

Sometimes I wish I was born with a unique birthmark. Something like, I dunno, A SKULL AND CROSSBONES. Or a naked lady trucker mud flap. Then I could have saved myself the pain and money from getting the tattoos. But nooooooo, apparently I was stuck in the one-leg-way-longer-than-the-other line when God was handing out cool birthmarks.

Keep going for one more shot.

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Because The Real Things Aren't Scary Enough: Scientists Develop Robotic Octopus


This is a video demonstrating the robotic octopus built by the Foundation of Research and Technology-Hellas. You know, because regular octopuses weren't scary enough. They all look like alien penises to me. "You spend a lot of time thinking about alien penises?" I write Star Trek erotic fan fiction.

Now the researchers report that the addition of a soft and supple silicone web has nearly doubled the speed of the roboctopus, and not satisfied with that, the scientists have also taught it to crawl, carry objects, and swim free in the Aegean Sea.

Researchers believe the roboctopus could be used to observe sea-life undisturbed, as they noted many fish swimming around the bot without worry. God willing, it might even capture footage of the ocean's biggest mystery. "The Kraken?" Bigger. "Atlantis?" Even bigger. "Mermaid titties." AHOOOOGA! No but seriously I was going to say Megalodon because I'm not a pervert like you.

Keep going for a video of the octopus in action, including carrying a ball.

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Nature's Natural Born Killers: Assassin's Creed Kitties


This is a video of a bunch of kittens running around like assassins from Assassin's Creed. They even take out a couple French soldiers. You know, cats really are nature's assassins if you think about it. They're silent, great climbers, always land on their feed, and natural born killers. I wouldn't be surprised to find out the government is trying to create a race of cat-people to train as assassins. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised to find out the government is doing ANYTHING. You could tell me Congress just passed a bill that all citizens have to have two @$$holes now and I wouldn't flinch. Clench my buttcheeks real tight and move to Mexico, yes, but not flinch.

Keep going for the worthwhile video, it really is worth a watch -- especially on a Monday.

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