Oct 31 2009 HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Have Fun Everyone!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE! This is me in my get-up last year just before losing the costume contest and sai-ing all the judges in the face. Everybody have fun out there tonight and remember to be safe (but not too safe). Also, if you see a David after the Dentist stumbling around, that's me (I scored a nitrous tank!). HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Oct 31 2009 'Tis The Season: For A Zombie Wedding Cake

Is there any better way to celebrate a couple's undying love and devotion for one another than with a zombie wedding cake? There is not. As you can see, the cake features the lovely couple on top fighting off a horde of the undead with chainsaws. Can you say romantic? This reminds me of the time I took a girl out in highschool and accidentally ran over a bum with my dad's car on the way to makeout point and made he swear she'd never tell anybody I received straight A's and gave a speech at the graduation ceremony. Whew, good recovery, GW.

Hit the jump for a shot of the lucky couple whose marriage may or may not end in a 911 call about a domestic stabbing (it's totally going to).

Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: For A Zombie Wedding Cake "

Oct 11 2009 Speak For Yourself: Scientists Claim We Would Never Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

According to a couple of Canadian researchers, the human race could never weather a zombie uprising. Pfft, speak for yourselves, Canucks -- I'M A SURVIVOR!

Based on models of rampant infectious diseases, say researchers, civilization would be doomed if we were ever attacked by zombies.

If society were ever attacked by zombies, we would probably be doomed, and quickly. That was the conclusion of two university researchers in Ottawa, Ontario, who set up mathematical models hypothesizing zombie attacks as infectious diseases with the well-known characteristics of zombie biology from popular fiction. In fact, according to a July BBC News report, zombies are more threatening than virulent diseases because they can regenerate (unless decapitated or incinerated, of course). More troubling was the researchers' presumption that zombies move slowly, as in older movies, but in recent fiction, they're super-quick, making them nearly invincible.

Oh man, as much as I do respect a couple of Canadians with calculators plugging away at a mathematical model they created using the info they gathered from Shawn of the Dead and Zombieland, this is one blogger who isn't succumbing to the zombie apocalypse. Robot, sure, but not zombies.

News of the Weird: Based on models of rampant infectious diseases, say researchers, civilization would be doomed if we were ever attacked by zombies [yahoonews]

Thanks to Gideon, who isn't going out in any sort of apocalypse. Except perhaps a sexpocalypse. Just kidding!

Sep 24 2009 Remove The Knuckles And The Fingers Will Die: Hardcore Zombie Tattoo

Wait, so does that mean he IS a zombie? Beause it doesn't say '#1 zombie slaya', it just says 'zombie'. Who knows, maybe he didn't have enough fingers for all that. Or brains. Get it? Zombie joke!

Picture

Thanks to Emma, who once brained a zombie with a frying pan and didn't even lose the eggs she was cooking. Over-easy, Emma.

Sep 2 2009 Tactical Canned Bacon Has 10-Year Shelf Life

Sure we've seen canned bacon before, but I don't want to seem I give preferential treatment to one pig's belly over another, so here's Tac Bac! Like its competitor, this bacon is good for TEN FREAKIN' YEARS. Buy now and you can eat the very same can in 2019 while huddled in your basement praying the robots' heat sensors can't reach you down there. Each tactical can will set you back $16 and contains approximately 54 strips of fatty pig. Definitely not the cheapest thing to survive on, but it's worlds better than ten year old Ho-Hos and Ding Dongs, which, I don't care if they're the last things on earth, are still illegal.

ThinkGeek

Thanks to MDGrein, JFreezy, stereotypical, Harsh, Cpt. Awesome, Ste, Hammer, Dave, LucidSteel, Bryan, shogunu, and anyone I may have missed, you are all welcome to take shelter in my robot-proof lair, but only because I love sausage fests.

Aug 18 2009 What Could Go Wrong?: Zombie Themed Bar

Donny Dirk's Zombie Den is a zombie themed bar in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I don't know how I feel about it.

The stunning new interior comes straight out of a 1950s Las Vegas lounge (the classic part). The zombie stuff (i.e. the kitsch) is hilarious, and more nuanced than you'd expect from a bar named Donny Dirk's Zombie Den. In the corner, a small chainsaw sits inside a glass case that reads "In case of zombie attack, break glass." The bartenders all dress like Simon Pegg in "Shaun of the Dead" -- white button-up, red tie and blood stains. The friendly female servers wear long black gowns. Again: This is a classy zombie joint.

First of all, classy and zombie should never appear in the same sentence unless we're talking about an undead Mr. Peanut or Monopoly. And secondly, a zombie bar, not unlike a robot bar, is a bad idea. There's a reason you're not allowed to bring weapons into drinking establishments, you know. A stupid reason. pew pew!

Zombie resurrection [startribune]

Thanks to deadbodyman, whose dinosaur bar I always rent for my private parties.

Aug 17 2009 Canadians Create Mathematical Model For Successfully Surviving Zombie Apocalypse

Since there's no hockey on some Canadian mathematicians have shifted their efforts to creating a mathematical model for surviving the zombie uprising. And you said nothing good ever came out of Canada! That guy, right there -- he's the one that said it. GET HIM, CANUCKS!

Anyway, the model focuses on modern zombies, which are "very different from the voodoo and the folklore zombies." It takes into account the possibility of quarantine (could lead to eradication, but unlikely to happen) and treatment (some humans survive, but they still must coexist with zombies), but shows that there is only one strategy likely to succeed: "impulsive eradication."

"Only sufficiently frequent attacks, with increasing force, will result in eradication, assuming the available resources can be mustered in time," they concluded.

Pfft, I came up with a better model than that. It goes like this: me + shovel = zombie - head. Zombie - head = that zombieskin rug I've always wanted in front of the fire place! Now, who wants to make out on top of it?!? I'm not sick, you're sick.

Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack [wired]

Thanks to Dahbie, who will survive the apocalypse no matter what because of jet propulsion (I'm coming with you).

Aug 7 2009 Seriously, I Would Eat This Brain Cupcake

I would eat this zombie brain cupcake (made by Flickr user xsomnis) and then ask for seconds. And if there aren't any seconds, well, I'm looking at your head. I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINS, SON. The hypothalamus is my favorite!

zombie food [xsomnis' Flickr]

Thanks to Jessica, who once brained a zombie with a crowbar and then licked the crowbar afterward. It's true, I saw her.

Jun 19 2009 Augmented Reality Zombie Hunting Game

This is a video of an augmented reality game designed by the Georgia Tech Augmented Environments Lab and the Savannah College of Art and Design - Atlanta. It's called 'ARhrrrr', which, despite sounding piratey, is actually a zombie game. It's pretty cool too. You play the game with a video phone and a pack of Skittles. I shit you not, Skittles. Taste THIS rainbow, undead whores! BOOSH BOOSH!

Youtube

Thanks to Ryan, Yopoleo and Anna, who will definitely be on my zombie hunting squad should the need arise....from the dead. ZING!

May 18 2009 Silent Hill Cosplay Only Marginally Sexy

I mean, she is still a nurse.

Hit the Flickr link for a ton more, all of which are scarily sexy.

Flickr Gallery
via
A Truly Creepy Silent Hill Nurse Cosplay [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, who would still hit it like a sackful of penicillin.

May 13 2009 SICK!: Fly Turns Ants Into Zombie Nurseries

The phorid fly turns fire ants into zombies by laying eggs inside them. When the larvae hatch, they eat their way to the ant's brain, which they also eat, leaving the fiery bastards to wander around like zombies before dying. Sick.

"At some point, the ant gets up and starts wandering," said Rob Plowes, a research associate at UT.

The maggot eventually migrates into the ant's head, but Plowes said he "wouldn't use the word 'control' to describe what is happening. There is no brain left in the ant, and the ant just starts wandering aimlessly. This wandering stage goes on for about two weeks."

About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off and the fly emerges ready to attack any foraging ants away from the mound and lay eggs.

ZOMG -- it's head falls off. That reminds me of the time I was getting it on with a velociraptor when my parents came home early so I tried stuffing him in the closet but accidentally slammed the door closed on his neck and his head fell off. I buried it in the backyard, but I kept the body. What? It's okay if it's a dinosaur!

Hit the jump for a video of the flies in action (first video) as well as another of what jewel wasps do to cockroaches (same concept of zombification, but with a completely different method (read: injecting venom straight into the brain)).

Continue Reading " SICK!: Fly Turns Ants Into Zombie Nurseries "

May 4 2009 Uh-Oh: A New 'Zombie' Strain Of Swine Flu

The BBC is reporting a new 'zombie' (H1Z1) strain of swine flu that is capable of resuscitating the recently dead. Holy sawed-off shotgun shit!

After death, this virus is able to restart the heart of it's victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believe to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during "resurrection."

If you haven't guessed, this is fake as hell, but the story looks like a genuine BBC article (see picture). The only catch is it's hosted on another website (bounce.with.me.uk). Still, you can probably trick at least a few of your dumber friends into buying it. And, if they do fall for it (and they are ladies), I want you to convey a message for me: I'm the world's greatest lover.

EU quarantines London in flu panic [bouncwith]

Thanks to herbert, Trin, Alex 'Bloody Shadow' and andrew, who tricked all their friends into drinking the Kool-Aid and are now all friendless.

May 3 2009 Zombie Defense Training For Little Kids

This is a video of some little Japanese kids being trained to fight zombies. And let me tell you -- they are cute as little buttons. Remember folks, teach your kids how to properly protect themselves against attacks from the undead. Because otherwise you're gonna have to explain to your parents how a zombie ate their grandchild. And they will be pissed.

Youtube

Thanks to Shun, whose children are all comfortable wielding sawed-off shotguns.

Apr 14 2009 Worth $500K?: The Human Regenerator

The Human Regenerator is a $553,400 piece of monkey shit that's supposed to make you live longer or something. Personally, I think it looks suspiciously like Superman's tanning bed of solitude.

The Human Regenerator is a Quantum-Pulse-Device that imitates and generates the cellular body's natural frequencies ranging between 0.0005 and 38,000 Hz.

Through intensive treatment with the body's own healthy frequencies, the organism is regenerated in a natural way. This process is enhanced by specially treated silicium and aluminum depots, which with the help of right spinning protos have an anti-aging effect.

Furthermore, longitudinal waves are used as a filter to create more human-like waves, therefore adding pure positive energy to the body.

Very convincing technology there. Unfortunately, only 50 of the devices are being made, and "will be offered to a small circle of prominent figures of our time." But if you showed up with $500K, I guarantee you could get one. And also, maybe some hooker action. Which, let's be realistic, will do a lot more for you than Quatum-Cell-Coding ever will -- provided you wrap it up. Otherwise, cooties bro.

Product Website

Thanks to Mushishi, who's also selling a cellular regenerator that looks suspiciously like a microwave oven with no door.

Apr 12 2009 Woody Harrelson Assaults 'Zombie' Paparazzo

And in celebrity-related undead news, Woody Harrelson beat up a photographer and blamed it on the fact he thought the dude was a zombie. Good lookin', Woody.

Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

"With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.

Ha, quite understandably is right. But seriously, Woody, how'd you sneak weed on the plane?

Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie [cnn]

Thanks to Larry, RyanThePerson, Evan and 4thirty, who once beat up a group of vampire paparazzi before realizing they were just a bunch of pale Twihards trying to score a picture of Robert Patteson.

Mar 31 2009 Frost The Head And The Body Will Die

This is a zombie cake loyal Geekologie Reader Carol made for her boyfriend. It really made me hope that, somewhere out there, a woman is honing her baking skills and waiting to meet me. Of course, I'm not holding my breath. But I am holding my penis hopes up. Per Carol:

Apparently there isn't much of a market for face/limb based cakes so just purchasing molds was out. I ended up using about 5 layers of aluminum foil and shaped them in to a half assed face and hand.

Coat the molds with cooking spray and put them in to standard baking pans, it helps to re-enforce the mold with balled up foil underneath so it doesn't distort under the weight of the cake.

Slap your cakey zombie bits on to a sheet or round cake and get creative...

I used a shit ton of green food coloring, lindor truffles for eyes, and white chocolate for the teeth/finger nails.

Good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "NHAAAR, BRAAAAAAINS"! Oh, I shouldn't? Okay. Well good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "good tasting"? No? "NOM NOM"? I'd hit that shit like a corpse!

Thanks to Carol, who actually came up with that whole frosting the head bit, I'm just a thief. You see this? Yeah, that's your heart.

Mar 25 2009 Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking

Canned bacon. Undoubtedly the best course of The Last Supper, Yoder brand canned bacon can now be yours. Plus, it comes in sweet-ass camo cans. Hey, where'd my bacon go?!?

For the first time in almost 20 years, canned bacon is back in this Country. Not available in any store!

More than 2 years went into the development of this bacon, and we're proud to be able to bring this back to you after improving on a what was a very successful brand of canned bacon made years ago by Celebrity Foods (registered Trademark, all rights reserved).

Each can is 9 ounces of fully cooked and drained bacon. Between 2-3/4 and 3-1/4 pounds of raw bacon go into each can. Each can is the highest quality fresh #1 bacon slices. Cured to our specifications, cooked and then hand wrapped, rolled and packed in the U.S.

My God that sounds delicious. A single can will set you back $12, but that's not really bad considering it's 3 pounds of cooked bacon and will stay fresh for over 10 years. You know -- this might very well be the most delicious thing to ever come in a can. Well, besides this. Here, open it. *POW POW!* Haha, that was Geekologie brand Whoop Ass, bitch!

Hit the jump for a photo-uncanning.

Continue Reading " Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking "

Mar 18 2009 Tool Box Must: Multi-Purpose Halligan Rescues Kittens From Burning Buildings And Brains Zombies With Equal Dexterity

The Halligan Bar is a tool used by both fire fighters and rescue workers to bash open doors, pry shit off other shit, and all around beat the hell out of stuff. And now you can own one. The 30" bar is available in alloy steel (10 lbs, $195) and titanium (5.25 lbs, $555) and is a must-have for anybody with any interest in surviving the zombie apocalypse. Just imagine a zombie's head on the end of that thing. Oh I'm sorry, did I just get you excited? Good, meet me in the janitor's closet in five. Now, don't get up as the same time as me, someone might get suspicious. Or, in The Superficial Writer's case, jealous. THERE WAS NO SPARK -- move on already.

Halligan Bar [cooltools]

Thanks to hayden, who once punched a zombie in the mouth so hard all its teeth fell out so hayden gathered them all up and put them under a pillow but the tooth fairy didn't come. What a sham!

Mar 17 2009 The World's Most Cussingest Video Game

Goes to Sega's The House of the Dead: Overkill for the Wii, with over 189 f-bombs dropped throughout the game. This knowledge comes to us from the ever diligent Guiness World Book of Records, who have apparently started recording the number of bad words in video games in addition to the world's longest toenails. Good for you. And what did Headstrong Games' writer Jonathan Burroughs have to say about the feat?

It is a dubious honour to receive such an accolade working in an industry where so often the fruits of your labours are derided and dismissed for being puerile or irresponsible, but in the case of The House of the Dead: OVERKILL a little puerility was the order of business. Parodying the profane excess of grindhouse cinema was Headstrong Games' objective and I am flattered that this record acknowledges that we not only rose to that challenge, but entirely exceeded it.

Nice. Do you see what happens? Do you see what happens, Jonathan? DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS!?! Congratulations. And also, OVER THE LINE! Mark it zero dude, next frame.

House Of The Dead: Overkill Sets World Record For Swearing [vgchartz]

Thanks to Julian, who once got kicked out of a class in college for cussing but then went to visit his professor during office hours and totally made out with her. Yeah, on her gradebook and everything. So, high-five for that, Julian.

Mar 13 2009 Avon Selling The Resident Evil T-Virus

So apparently Avon is selling the T-virus to unsuspecting women who want fuller, plumper looking faces. Little do they know they're gonna get just the opposite!

First from Avon: injectable-grade facial filler. A skin care breakthrough! Fullness perfected, not injected!* Dramatic results for dramatically less! Super concentrated serum.** 3x the level of injectable-grade hyaluronic acid for dramatic filling & plumping.*** In just 3 days, begins to reduce the look of deep folds. In 2 weeks, 82% of women saw more youthful fullness in the cheek area.**** In 4 weeks, dramatically reduces the look of deep facial folds and hollowness.

In 5 weeks, you're a zombie and the GW has to take your head off with a shotgun because he won't put up any of your 'NAR NAR BRAINS' zombie bombie bullshit. PEW PEW, Avon, PEW PEW.

Product Site
and
Avon's Derma-Full Totally Looks Like The T-virus [totallylookslike]

Thanks to gordon and residentistEVIL, who called in Rad to the power of Sick today and rushed out to pick up Resident Evil 5.