Oct 6 2009 Cool!: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pizza Party
Looks legit to me.
Picture [ozozo]
Thanks to Jessica, who doesn't care if there's rat fur in the pizza, she's going.
Sep 28 2009 Eat Your Peas: Construction Equipment Flatware For Kids (And Shameless Adults)
This set of Constructive Eating Kids' Utensils costs $20 but some of the proceeds go to funding health services for children. So that's cool. Plus, heavy machinery, how can you go wrong? BEEP BEEP -- back that thing up and dump some mashed potatoes IN MY MOUTH!
Transform mealtime into an educational, interactive construction zone! Construction-vehicle shaped fork, spoon, and pusher-scoop set makes learning to self-feed a fun activity.
* All materials FDA-approved, PVC/Phthalate/BPA-free
* Vibrant colors are stimulating and captivating
* An asset in the development of hand-eye coordination
* Dishwasher-safe
* Paint-free, lead-free
Okay, so they were really fishing for product attributes. When lead-free becomes a sellable product attribute for UTENSILS, you know you've hit rock bottom. That said, how much you want to bet that a study comes out soon touting lead is actually beneficial to a child's development? Trust me, these things are cyclical. Also, I make fake studies.
Thanks to Miss Bowser, who feeds her father, King Koopa, with an airplane spoon made from a real airplane.
Jul 16 2009 Cosby Shots: Bill Cosby Portrait In Jell-O
To celebrate Bill Cosby's birthday on July 12th, artist Andrew Salamone made a portrait of the comedian using Jell-O shots. Which, I think we can all agree, is a fitting tribute. Does he still do those commercials? Damn, now I want a Jell-O Pudding Pop. Do they still make those? Okay, so maybe I have been down in this robot shelter too long. I kid, I kid -- now somebody bring me some new cassettes to play.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video of the portrait's transformation over the course of a night.
Continue Reading " Cosby Shots: Bill Cosby Portrait In Jell-O "
May 21 2009 Astronauts Drink Urine, Love Every Drop
Well if those aren't the happy faces of three urine-guzzling fools, I don't know what are.
At the international space station, it was one small sip for man and a giant gulp of recycled urine for mankind.
Astronauts aboard the space station celebrated a space first on Wednesday by drinking water that had been recycled from their urine, sweat and water that condenses from exhaled air. They said "cheers," clicked drinking bags and toasted NASA workers on the ground who were sipping their own version of recycled drinking water."The taste is great," American astronaut Michael Barratt said. Then as Russian Gennady Padalka tried to catch little bubbles of the clear water floating in front of him, Barratt called the taste "worth chasing."
"The taste is great". "Worth chasing." Yeah, maybe worth chasing with a glass of battery acid. Just kidding, I'm sure urine is delicious. Like mine, but with less alcohol and cherry pits. *pew pew*
Cheers! Crew drinks up recycled urine in space [msnbc]
Thanks to Jon, who just ordered a case of the stuff because he loves outerspace.
May 14 2009 Google Maps Cleavage: I Have A New Hobby!
What Google Maps was made for, or what Google Maps was made for? God, I love geography.
Hit the jump for a zoomier picture.
Continue Reading " Google Maps Cleavage: I Have A New Hobby! "
May 9 2009 Captain Ahab, The Harpoon!: Fail Whale Cake
Twitter user wildflourbakery went and made a fail whale cake for the Lawrence, Kansas Tweet Up. And I can safely say I have no idea what I just typed. Tweet Up? Fail whale? I AM ALL WIN FISH, SON!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and another, different fail whale cake.
Continue Reading " Captain Ahab, The Harpoon!: Fail Whale Cake "
May 6 2009 Wait, What?: A Chocolate Powered Race Car
That's right, a team at Warwick University have developed a race car that's made out of vegetables and runs on chocolate. Of course, gumdrops and licorice sticks would have been cooler, but hey, you work with what you've got.
The racer isn't legal to race in the F3-series as chocolate-based fuels aren't on the approved list of energy sources, but that's not the point. The WorldFirst team is trying to prove green-racing doesn't have to mean boring-racing. They've used recycled materials in combination with fibers and extracts of fruits, vegetables and plants to create composites, materials and lubricants along the same vein as carbon fiber, plastics, and oil. It's based on the standard Lola chassis and despite the eco-friendliness, the car will still hit 145 MPH and corner like the real deal.
Well snap crackle pop! Plus, if you crash in the wilderness you can eat your car to survive. Double whammy! Now, here's your fun word fact for the day: race car is spelled the same forwards and backwards. It's a palindrome, just like "Wo! Nemo, Toss a Lasso to Me Now!" You know that joker Mr. Wizard that used to be on TV? Yeah, well I'm like his illegitimate cousin, Mr. Word Wizard. Except I don't invite neighborhood kids over to my house all the time BECAUSE THAT'S NOT HOW I ROLL.
WorldFirst ecoF3: A Chocolate-Powered Sustainable Race Car [jalopnik]
Thanks to Dr Freak, Thumperchica, Lisa, Stirling and James, who made a race car that was powered by dreams but crashed it when one of them had a nightmare.
Apr 30 2009 Good Eats: A Whole Chicken In A Can
Hungry? Yeah, but are you whole chicken in a can hungry? That's right folks, Sweet Sue's Canned Whole Chicken (without giblets) is an entire cooked chicken in a can (a big one). Equally perfect for camping trips or throwing up everywhere! Hit the jump to see an uncanning in progress, which will leave you wondering why you've ever eaten anything else. Then go get one. You'll be doubled over on the bathroom floor with the runs quicker than you can say "I think I ate the asshole"! Bon Appétit!
Hit it for the uncanning. Really makes me want one.
Apr 29 2009 About Time: Anti-Robot Denny's Commercial
Truthfully, I rarely go to Denny's because I prefer IHOP's Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity combo (two eggs, two bacon strips, two pork sausage links and two buttermilk pancakes crowned with cool strawberry or your choice of fruit compote and whipped topping). But I may make a change after seeing this commercial, which highlights the importance of eating a hearty breakfast in the fight against machines. You can't go fighting those robotic bastards on an empty stomach -- they'll gut you like a fish! The Grand Slamwich from Denny's: it's what John Connor would do.
Thanks to Scurls, who knows a Carnation Instant Breakfast just won't cut it.
Apr 27 2009 Real Sugar: Mountain Dew 'Throwback'
Just for the summer (unless they're hugely popular) Pepsi is producing Mountain Dew and Pepsi 'Throwback', which both contain natural sugar instead of that high fructose maize (I'm part Cherokee) syrup bullshit.
The first thing I noticed was how smooth the carbonated soda went down. It's not nearly as harsh as the standard type and I'm sure peeps who aren't avid Mountain Dew drinkers will appreciate the difference.
Also, the aftertaste. It's more natural and clean. Hell, even my burps taste different. I LOVE IT.
Different tasting burps, now that's a selling point. It's like how Maker's Mark makes my vomit taste different. Mmmm. Unfortunately, Dew Throwback contains thrice the Yellow #5 as regular Mountain Dew, so you 'Throwback' fanatics can kiss your penises goodbye.
Review: Mountain Dew Throwback [crunchgear]
Thanks to Octopus Pie, who hates high fructose corn syrup almost as much as low fructose corn syrup.
Apr 24 2009 Crossing The Line?: Bacon Flavored Vodka
Ha, what line? Yes, Bakon is bacon flavored vodka. Yes, it's real. Yes, it's only available in Washington, Idaho, Montana and Oregon right now. Yes, I want to try it. Yes, I want to pour it on a stripper. No, I don't want to lick it off.
Hit the jump for recipes and a link to the official site.
Continue Reading " Crossing The Line?: Bacon Flavored Vodka "
Apr 24 2009 Best Business Cards Ever: Meat Cards
Meat Cards are business cards with your info burnt into them using a 150 watt CO2 laser. They are far superior to card stock for obvious reasons (read: meat and lasers).
Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS.
Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards.
Mmmm, meat and lasers: definitely two of the finest ingredients on earth. PEW PEW, NOM NOM! Now, blast me in the eye with your laser pointer right as I swallow. What? Don't judge me.
Thanks to Chloe and Julian for eating all my cards. No, really, thanks a lot guys.
Apr 23 2009 Bacon Gummis Actually Strawberry Flavored
Now why on earth would you make Gummi Bacon strawberry flavored? That's like growing bacon-flavored strawberries. Which....holy shit, my genius amazes even me sometimes. I want our top men on this right away.
Gummy Bacon ($5 for a pack of four) is a great way to scare folks. Here's how: take some out of the package when no one is looking, cover them in plastic wrap, and wait in your office kitchen. Then, when folks come in, take a strip out, lament how you just don't have time to cook it, and then eat it anyways! They will be shocked, and you'll enjoy the nice gummy taste of strawberry - it's a win/win situation.
Well I don't know about all that action, but hey, different strokes for different folks. I just happen to be king of the breast. Stroke AND rub. Ladies?
ThinkGeek Product Page
Thanks to Michael, Julian and John, who prefer their gummi bacon actually bacon flavored. Is that too much to ask? No, no it's not.
Apr 21 2009 I Want To Eat You: Cupcake Hamburgers
Somebody went and made a batch of cupcakes that look like hamburgers. I think their maker did a great job, don't you? Because you'll be meeting yours if you disagree. Yeah, that was a threat. No, not a treat, a threat. I'll kill you, yo. I mean it.
These are vanilla cupcakes with a chocolate cuppie in between, green coconut for the lettuce and frosting for the mustard and ketchup. Yum!
Mmmm, cupcake sliders. Everyone here does know what a slider is right? It's a mini-burger. Yeah, they're called sliders because they're small enough to slide down your gullet without much chewing. Not unlike myself. Which....did you just hear that? It sounded like ten thousand women and a handful of gay men fainting simultaneously.
Hamburger Cupcakes [plime]
Thanks to Juste, who once ate 37 White Castle sliders and then projectile vomited for four minutes straight. Gross.
Apr 15 2009 Hamburger Cake Suitable For All Meals
Well, we ended yesterday with the BA-K-47, and now we're kicking Wednesday off right with a hamburger (technically a cheeseburger) cake. In case you couldn't tell, or your mommy is reading this to you while you eat your oatmeal, a hamburger cake is a cake made to look like a hamburger. And the great thing about it is, it's not just a bunch of fondant -- it's mostly good old fashioned icing! Skill level here appears to be about a 2 out of 10, so, with a shit-ton of practice, even you could make one! Now, back in the kitchen -- I'm ready for my eggs.
Flickr Gallery
via
Hamburger Cake [tellmesomethingidontknow]
Thanks to Matt, who once ate an entire hamburger cake and still saved room for a whole bag of Cadbury mini-eggs. I like your style Matt, freaking love those things. Also, to Hans, whose mother actually made the cake.
Apr 10 2009 +10 HP: D&D Dungeon Master Cake
D&D co-creator Dave Arneson passed away earlier this week, and, in his honor, I'm posting a cake. This particular Dungeons & Dragons themed treat was made for a Dungeon Master operating in the Philadelphia area.
In honor of his birthday, Katie Lanciano, on of the the players in his game made him this out of control cake. The 3D DM is a fairly accurate cake effigy of my brother in a 1st Edition style D and D robe. There are marzipan characters to represent all the players in the campaign. The bard is playing a fiddle! There is a marzipan owl/familiar, the symbol of Boccob on the side, and a perfectly accurate DM's guide. Plus an apple of discord. Wow.
Impressive. And based on a quick calculation, I estimate the cake provides approximately +10 HP per slice. But sadly, also +15 runs and -5 TP. Um, WORTH IT!
Hit the jump for a couple more and the link to the whole gallery.
Apr 8 2009 Scanwiches: They're What's For Lunch
Scanwiches are cross-sectioned sandwiches that have been carefully digitized using a flatbed scanner. Each one provides a HQ picture of what to expect from a particular sandwich from a certain sandwich shop or deli. For instance, this is a Salami, Coleslaw, Tomato, and Mustard on a seeded roll from Parisi Bakery. Looks delicious! Now, if I just had a taste and smell-o-vision enabled computer monitor, I'd be in porkchop sandwiching heaven right now. But I don't, so you may be wondering why I'm licking the screen anways. You see, The Superficial Writer promised me a sweet boob post this afternoon, so I'm stretching. Now -- bringeth thine boobs, mine tongue awaits! Also, I brought a gauntlet just in case a certain dragon needs slaying.
Hit the jump for several more of the deliciousness and a link to the website.
Apr 4 2009 Breakfast Of The Ancients: Baconhenge
Baconhenge is what the ancients ate for breakfast before battling the shit out of each other with rocks and tree branches. Also, sacrificing virgins to the potato gods and dancing around with gourds on their junk (trust me, I mistakenly sat in on an anthropology class when I was high). So, what's in the delicious meal? Basically a bunch of bacon-wrapped French toast sticks standing in a dozen-egg frittata. Mmmm.
Let Baconhenge be the site of your seasonal celebration! Let bacon stand in for the sacrificed Year King, French toast for the Grain Goddess, the eggs in the frittata for the Cosmic Egg, and the vegetables for the bountiful Earth on which we live.
Yeah, you could do that. Or just eat it because it's freaking delicious. Bon Appétit! Or, as we say here in the U.S., Bon Appéboob.
Hit the link for the entire recipe.
Baconhenge [theanticraft]
Thanks to Steve, who got an immediate Bon Appéboner when he saw Baconhenge in real life.
Apr 3 2009 Geekologie Writer Quoted On CakeWrecks
Well, this is the part of the day when I toot my own horn because nobody else will touch it, no matter how much money or free ShamWow I offer. So, the cakewrecks blog (a personal favorite of mine) quoted me in a post about nose cakes yesterday. I'm "that guy from Geekologie". WOOT! I've made it -- I've finally made it! *wipes tear* You see that, dad? And you always said I'd never amount to anything! What? I told you, your rent money is coming! Fix my sink already, God. Also, could you float me a $20 -- I wanna go to the mall.
Thanks to Whitney and Melodious Monk for pointing out the PEW.
Apr 2 2009 Apple iPhoto, You're Almost Too Good
This is a picture of some delicious cookies waiting to be baked, and as you can see, Apple iPhoto spotted a face in the crowd. ZOMG -- is that you, Mr. Cookie Bear?! OM NOM NOM NOM!
Thanks to Duan, who once tried to bake a real bear but the tranquilizer dart wore off and it broke out of the oven and destroyed his kitchen.
