Nov 13 2009 Yes...YES!: Tyrannosaurs Doing It Dino-style

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. Except I'm not so much talking as fantasizing. God I'd love to be in the middle of those two. Ha -- I guess I AM talking about it! Now one of you put those little arms to use and make me a sandwich.

Tyrannosaurus skeleton casts mounted in a mating position, Jurassic Museum of Asturias [wikipedia] (high-res version)

Thanks to Kelly, who just convinced me to buy a one-way ticket to Asturias, Spain.

Nov 6 2009 2 Princess Leias Sunbathing In Golden Bikinis

Because it's Friday and I love you, here's Princess Leia in her golden bikini. But not just any Princess Leia, THE Princess Leia. Plus another one!

Here you can see Carrie Fisher in her metal bikini alonside Tracy Eddon, her stunt double in Return of the Jedi. Both are suntanning between takes on the deck of Jabba's Sail Barge

Click the jump to see an even better picture of the duo. Aaaaand I'm going to assume everybody immediately hit the jump and save myself from having to write anything else here boner boner boner.

Tell me you hit it already.

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Oct 28 2009 Just Ordered Two Cases: Dinosaur Condoms

That's right, dinosaur shaped condoms. Available from Willy Wardrobe (probably NSFW, but also has a bunch of other novelty condoms), each Stegosaurus E-Rex will set you back £2.50 (~$4) and is not recommended for re-use (even though you and I both know you totally will anyway).

A bit of a sexual fossil? Then this dinosaur condom is for you!

Warning: Sold as novelty only. Product may be used during intercourse although there is no guarantee that it will prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.

Also, not responsible for lost spines.

Okay, so I made that last part up. Still, you've got to wonder. WONDER WHY NOBODY WAS MAKING THESE EARLIER! Plus, they like a perfect fit to me. Pfft, don't even act like your penis doesn't have feet too.

Product Site

Thanks to Starchitect, Ezrail, david, DatsMark, Xavire, Ross, John, sara, Jody and clipper, for knowing me all too well.

Oct 7 2009 I Want One: A Dinosaur Head Belt Buckle

I can't remember the last time I had a dino's head so near my genitals because I'm like that guy in Memento, but if I were a betting man I'd say it was sometime last night. But now you can have that happy feeling all the time thanks to this t-rex head belt buckle designed by Kieselstein-Cord.

The t-rex buckle in sterling silver by Kieselstein-Cord. The piece measures 3 1/4 inches by 2 1/4 inches. $2,500.

Wait, did that say $2,500? Because that's ridiculous. I could get you a real dino head belt buckle for that price. Just sayin', I know people (Doc Brown).

Product Site

Thanks to Blackrider23, FutronicX, Dylan and Raptor on a hoverboard, who don't need belt buckles because they don't wear pants. Enough with the pictures guys, I get it.

Oct 6 2009 Dinosaurs Disrupt German Television Program

This is a scene from some German television program that gets raided by a bunch of dinosaurs. And let me tell you: when that raptor first came running out I thought it was CG. But it wasn't. And neither were my 30 boners! My God, I've never wanted to be part of a live studio audience so bad in my life.

Youtube

Thanks to Martyn, Chuck and LewisRedd, who would have run on stage like it was The Price Is Right.

Oct 6 2009 I Couldn't Make This Up: New 'Horny Ballerina' Species Of Tyrannosaurus Discovered

That's right folks, scientists have discovered a new species of tyrannosaurus, completely different than the much larger (and arguably sexier) t-rex everyone is accustomed to. But you've got to admit, this little bugger is cute as a button.

The new, more graceful tyrannosaur is named Alioramus altai.

A. altai apparently has a similar skeleton to larger Tyrannosaur-type dinos such as Tarbosaurus, Alioramus, Gorgosaurus etc. But among these burly heavyweights, A. altai was surely the butt of cruel locker-room bullying and dino towel-snapping, weighing in at a puny 800 pounds or so - half the weight of the regular tyrannosaurs. The ballerina-esque, "gracile" A. altai also differed from the big boys in having horns and an elongated snout.

The new dino was slim, light on its feet, horny and partial to meat

HIYO -- just like every ballerina I've ever known! Except the lesbians (no meat).

Horny new 'ballerina' Tyrannosaur was light on its feet [theregister]

Thanks to Barry and Kelly, who have danced with the dinosaurs in the pale moonlight and lived to tell about it.

Oct 5 2009 Great News!: All Dinosaurs Go To Heaven

In wonderful news, at least according to this $18 t-shirt design from Threadless (where were you on this, CNN?!), all dinosaurs go to heaven. So yeah, maybe there's a merciful God after all. But, as a guy who wasn't ever planning on seeing the pearly gates: does the Catholic church still do that thing they used to where you pay to have your sins absolved? And, if so, can I borrow some money? Couple mill should do me.

Product Site

Thanks to Adam, who's trying his hardest to go to hell because he heard that's where all marsupials go. You're sick.

Oct 4 2009 I Would Totally Suck Those: Dino Ice Bones

These are dino bone shaped ice cube trays from design firm Fred. They come in Triceratops and T-Rex models and I would totally suck on either one. Unfortunately, I can't imagine these bones lasting too long in a drink. OR MY BED.

Need to dig up a clever party accessory? Look no further than our ice-cold fossils - these two assorted dinos will add the perfect Ice Age touch to your modern drinks.

OMG I've never wanted to choke to death on something so bad in my entire life!

Product Site

Thanks to Sarah, who allegedly cools her drinks with actual chilled dinosaur bones. I'm gonna raid your freezer!

Sep 21 2009 Sweet Fork Arm: Twisted Disney Princesses

Illustrator Jeffrey Thomas created a bunch of darker images of Disney princesses. They were all created prior to the Marvel buyout, so it's just coincidental they look like comic book heroines. WHICH I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER TRY. That said, where are a mermaid's privates? And, if they look like Flounder's mouth there, no thanks. Okay, maybe once. Twice. BUT NO MORE THAN THAT. Four times, tops.

Hit the jump for a couple more of my favorites, and a link to the entire gallery.

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Sep 21 2009 Sexy Japanese Lap Pillow Is An Actual Lap

This is a $99 Lap Pillow from Japan that, get this, looks like an actual lap! They come in both black and red skirt options and make a perfect gift for the person in your life that has everything but sexual relations with real people.

This pillow is skin-coloured polyurethene calves folded under soft thighs, a comfy cushion for napping, reading, or watching television.

And that's ALL they're good for, okay? Napping. Reading. Watching television. No funny business -- this includes prop comedy. Wocka wocka wocka!

Product Site

Thanks to Claytron, who is holding out for chest pillows which, actually, probably already exist.

Aug 21 2009 Does The Dissolving Bikini Really Work?

This is a teaser trailer for a video demonstrating whether or not the dissolving bikini I posted earlier actually works. SPOILER ALERT: It does. Except it's way freaking lame and the whole bikini doesn't actually dissolve, just a couple small bands holding it on. Go HERE to see the full video, which is advertised as SFW but I'm pretty sure I saw a nipple at 0:31. Yep, there it is. Also, there's a NSFW version HERE which has a lot more nipples. Which, I think we can all agree, are what Fridays are all about...
...
...
...
...to the nudey bar! You're driving.

Video: Clint test de oplosbare bikini [clint]

Thanks to Jef, who makes bikinis disappear the old fashioned way: with x-ray vision.

Aug 20 2009 RAWR!: The Best iPhone Dock Ever Made

This is an iPhone dock made out of a dinosaur toy. You can make one yourself if you want. You just cut a hole in a dinosaur toy, maybe pleasure yourself with it a couple times because I mean, it's there, and then stuff the docking wire in there. It is seriously the best iPhone dock you could possibly ever make and I don't want any lip about it. I mean it, what I say goes. I am the world's greatest lover. BUT YOU'LL NEVER KNOW CAUSE I'M SAVING MYSELF FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL. No, I said special, not special needs.

iPhone Dinosaur Dock Is Bound To Rule Them All [iphonesavior]

Thanks to Byll and Aaron, who, RAWR! Okay, now I'm in the mood.

Aug 13 2009 Women In Bikinis Reading Star Wars Script

WTF ARE YOU WAITING FOR, HIT PLAY MORON!

Youtube

Thanks to MoD, who once read star wars in the nude. I'd cast you.

Aug 12 2009 Birthday Wish: I Wish For A Real Wishosaurs

Since it's my birthday and I can do whatever I want, I'm continuing with the celebratory theme with this $7 Wishosaurus candle holder from Fred. It's a plastic molded dinosaur that can hold up to ten candles. So, for my cake, I'm gonna need three. On top of each other. KISSING. With me in the middle. Ever had a four-way with dinosaurs? Me neither. Which, OMG -- *PFFFFFFFFFFFT!*

Product Site

Thanks to The Baroness, who can borrow my Wishasauruses for her birthday BUT ONLY IF I CAN COME TO THE PARTY (I'm coming to the party).

Aug 11 2009 Questionable: The Personal Rockin' Computer

The PRC chair allegedly stands for Personal Rockin' Computer. But how on earth you would ever use a computer in that thing is beyond me. I mean, I couldn't even comfortably fry my nuts with a laptop in it. Plus, it costs a staggering $4,200. Can you say, "tractor tire"? Because I can. No, I'm fairly confident this thing is a glorified sex swing for the rich. Seriously, just look at that provocative tart in the picture. She definitely only knows one kind of hard drive and RAM if you ask me. Gosh what a hussy (let me get those digits, girl).

The PRC is your Personal Rockin' Chair [dvice]

Aug 5 2009 Is This The Luckiest Man On Planet Earth?

What I wouldn't give to switch places with this guy for 30 minutes. 30 minutes!

Robotic Dinosaurs Ponder Man's Extinction [gizmodo]

Aug 3 2009 Cut Your Nails: Mario & Luigi Tattoos On Feet

Before I go any further, you need to cut those toenails. That ring toe looks like it could cut glass and the middle one reminds me of a little fleshy grape. Great, now I want to eat it. I SAID, "PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!" So yeah, Mario and Luigi tattoos on the bottom of some guy's feet. I reckon he opted for the feet because his mommy would be disappointed if she found out he had them. So you should have seen the look on her face when he put his feet on the coffee table. It was like she just seen a ghost! Or video game tattoos on her son's feet. IT'S THE SAME LOOK!

Hit the jump for a shot of Luigi and one of both feet together.

Continue Reading " Cut Your Nails: Mario & Luigi Tattoos On Feet "

Jul 30 2009 Pikachu Was The Hottest Girl At Comic-Con?

According to who? Because I don't remember getting a ballot. Or past security. But there's a bunch more shots of Pikachu girl Jessica Nigri after the jump so you can draw your own conclusions. Personally, I prefer the original Pikachu girl (this one, not this one) better. And I'm not just saying that because I know her, but I do. And before you ask, no, she sadly doesn't do birthdays.

Hit it for a whole bunch more.

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Jul 27 2009 Gallery: Sexy Comic-Con Cosplay Girls

Remember last year's girls of Comic-Con gallery? Well MaximumPC went above and beyond the call of duty this year with over 600 cosplay pictures from the event. I ran through them all and randomly grabbed about 20 of the sexiest, but there are a ton more to see, so hit the jump for my favorites, and the link for the rest. One thing is for certain though: THIS GUY IS GOING TO COMIC-CON next year. And he is going to have a booth. A KISSING ONE. Ladies -- do I hear a nickel?

Jump. But warning: there's a thong in the mix. Because I love you.

Continue Reading " Gallery: Sexy Comic-Con Cosplay Girls "

Jul 24 2009 Handerpants: Underpants For Your Hands

Handerpants are a real product and apparently people are willing to pay $12 for them. Amazing -- even in a recession some people can't get their fill of novelty underwear. Or booze. I'm gonna stick with booze. I CAN HAZ GLUG?

Are you really naked under those gloves? For Pete's sake, put on some Handerpants! These 95% cotton, 5% spandex, fingerless gloves have the look and feel of men's briefs. Slip them on underneath your gloves for extra warmth and protection from chafing! Wear them on their own as a vaguely inappropriate fashion statement! Hundreds of uses! Fits most adult hands.

Yeah, well what if I have child-sized hands? Should I stuff a sock in these too? NOT THAT I'VE EVER DONE THAT (I use an old sweatshirt).

Hit the jump for a fairly painful infomercial for the things.

Continue Reading " Handerpants: Underpants For Your Hands "