Oct 12 2009 Eh: Marge Simpson In Upcoming Playboy

Whee, Marge Simpson is gonna be in the upcoming November issue of Playboy. Great, like I haven't already seen her naked a million times in those racy cartoon pop-ups that I got from that sketchy hentai porn site came pre-installed on my computer.

Playboy said the cover and a three-page picture spread inside was a celebration of the 20th anniversary of the "The Simpsons" and part of a plan to appeal to a younger generation of readers.

Scott Flanders (IRONIC!), the recently-hired chief executive of Playboy Enterprises, told the Chicago Sun-Times in an interview that the Marge Simpson cover and centerfold was "somewhat tongue-in-cheek."

"It had never been done, and we thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual," Flanders told the newspaper. He said the magazine hoped to attract readers in their 20s compared to the average Playboy reader's age of 35.

Right, "hip, cool and unusual". Listen, Playboy, this guy sucks. You want somebody to help you appeal to a younger, more influential demographic, I'm your man. And by man I mean huckleberry. You're no Daisy -- you're not Daisy at all! Wow, that just took on an all new, much sadder meaning.

Marge Simpson makes cover of Playboy [yahoonews]

Thanks to Scarlet, Camille, john and Duke, who aren't stimulated by cartoons because they're sexually repressed. Geez, you guys need some Saturday morning therapy.

Oct 10 2009 Arguably The Best Haircut OF ALL TIME

This kid has what might very well be the best haircut of all time. It definitely beats the bowl cut I used to rock as a kid. Also, I had a rat-tail. Which, I'm not ashamed to admit, my mom still has saved in an envelope somewhere (not even kidding). What?! Don't even act like your parents don't still have all your baby teeth!

My Hair is Batman, Your Argument is Invalid. [geekstir]

Thanks to cody, who didn't have hair until he was two and then only on his back. Tough break, kid. There's always the carnival.

Sep 25 2009 Force Choke (And Spit Up): Baby Vaders

Apparently these costumes have been around for a while now but I didn't know because I don't have any business shopping for Darth Vader baby get-ups (I just sign the child support checks). But Geekologie Reader Tengku Edzuan decided to take a different approach to child rearing and bought this costume for his son. That's him there. Cute, huh? BUT DON'T EVEN THINK FOR A SECOND HE'S NOT ALL DARK SITH LORD, because he 100% is. I heard one time he caught a stuffed animal eying his binky and Force choke-slammed that sucker into a pile of alphabet blocks. Brutal!

Barf Vader [edzuantengku]
and
Product Site

Aug 24 2009 Sadness: Father Leaves Copy Of Call Of Duty: World At War For Fallen Soldier Son

So yeah, this is sad. Private Richard Hunt, the 200th U.K. soldier to die in Afghanistan, was buried over the weekend. He would have been 22 yesterday.

His father Phillip, enjoyed playing Call of Duty: World at War with his son. He left a copy of the game at his grave.

"Happy Birthday 'Hunty'. Play you again one day. Dad."

Wow, that tore me up.

Dad's Tribute: Call of Duty on Soldier Son's Grave [kotaku]

Thanks to Solozaur, whose single tear splattered F10.

Jul 2 2009 Just Sad: 2-Year Old Smoking Cigarette

There's no way around it, this is just plain sad. And it would have been the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever seen all day if my little sister didn't get hit by a garbage truck. Kidding, streetsweeper.

China : 2yo Lights Up Cigarette And Smokes It. [liveleak]

Thanks to Weeze, who, slow down and take a breath man, it looks like you're about to die.

Apr 13 2009 Cute: 2-Year Playing Street Fighter II Turbo

This is a video of a two-year old playing Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix and pulling off Zangief's Double German Suplex simply by mashing all the buttons. Which, ironically, is how I play.

My two year old son's first time in front of the joystick, playing against another five year old online in Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix. Manages to get a couple grabs and finishes the third round with a double suplex. He also did Fei Long's flaming kick and some other special moves in matches I didn't get on video. He's better at flailing at 2 than I was at 22 when SF2 came out in the arcade. :P I'm so proud.

Hearing the father say "push the buttons" gets pretty annoying after the first time, so feel free to skip to the last 15-seconds to watch the kid pull off the suplex. Then, start training your own child for a promising career in video games. Hey, anything can happen. Believe it or not, I even touched a boob once. *poker face* Admit it -- I had you going for a second!

Baby Pulls Off Zangief's Double German Suplex [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, who once beat Sagat with one eye closed, just to be fair.

Apr 1 2009 Guy Dies Playing Wii Fit, Sadly Not April Fools

25-year old England native Tim Eves collapsed and died while playing Wii Fit with his girlfriend and best friend. I am officially never working out again.

Tim Eves was 'jogging' on a Wii Fit games console as Emma Tuck and Lewis Hickin looked on, when he slumped to the floor.

The family were told he could have been killed by Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. Also known as Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome, it is a disorder of the electrical system of the heart.

Those with the condition are vulnerable to an abnormal heart rhythm. During exercise the heart may stop pumping out blood, causing the brain to become deprived of blood and sudden death. The condition is estimated to kill 500 people a year.

Well Tim, I hope you're enjoying that great Wii Mii parade in the sky. Rest in peace, buddy.

'Healthy' man, 25, collapses and dies playing Wii Fit game [mailonline]

Thanks to Pat and Nathan, who vow to create public service messages about the inherent risks of exercise.

Feb 19 2009 13-Year Old Fathers Son, Plays Video Games

In the heartcooling story of the week, 13-year old Alfie Patten (who looks six) fathered a baby with his 15-year old girlfriend. The little smurf was only 12 when he got the ogre pregnant.

The four-footer -- who looks no more than eight -- said: "I know I'm young, but I plan to be a good dad."

As he went on the PlayStation with 15-year-old girlfriend Chantelle Steadman, he added: "I think we'll be good parents. I'll have to work extra hard at school."

Chantelle looked up from 18-rated action game Saints Row II to admit her first night out of hospital since having 7lb 3oz daughter Maisie had been tough and had left her "in a daze".

Yes, you'll have to work extra hard at school. Middle school. Was that not the saddest thing you've heard all day? No? Okay, try this one: you know that hamster you had as a kid that you thought lived eight years? It didn't. Your parents chose a solid brown one for a reason.

"I Know I'm Young, But I Plan To Be A Good Dad" [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, Eric, JD, Alexander, Kenny and Juggernaut, who will probably never have children because most hookers make you wrap it up.

Feb 6 2009 9-Year Old Writes Finger Painting iPhone App

Lim Ding Wen is a 9-year old Chinese boy. But not just any Chinese boy, Ding Wen wrote a finger painting iPhone app for his younger siblings.

Lim, who is now fluent in six programming languages, first started using a computer when he was two-years-old, discovered programming aged seven, and has since completed more than 20 programming projects.

His latest application, Doodle Kids, allows users to draw pictures using their fingers and then clear the screen by shaking the iPhone.

Pretty impressive, huh? Not to his father!

"Ding Wen is an above average boy with an interest in computers, especially Apple IIGS and Macs, likes to do programming, and that's it. Doodle Kids is an extremely simple program that can be done by anybody. Everybody can program - if Ding Wen can, so can you," he wrote.

Wow, dad, don't be too proud. "Who, Din Wen? Eh, he's nothing special. And just between you and me -- I think he's retarded. Mother's side of course."

Nine-year-old writes iPhone code [bbcnews]

Thanks to Lisa, who was programming VCRs at four.

Jan 26 2009 FunSlides: Damn You And Your Spaceage Plastic, Where Were You When I Was A Kid?

When I was a kid there were no FunSlides, we rode down the basement stairs on a baking sheet. And, goddammit, we hit the wall at the bottom and loved it.

Product Site

Thanks to Patrick, who glides across berber and shag with equal dexterity. Ladies?

Sep 2 2008 Dad's Cab Racks Up Chore Fares For Toting Your Ungrateful Children Around Town

If you're anything like me you made the mistake of getting your girlfriend pregnant because she told you she was a millionaire. And now you're stuck with two (she told me she was worth at least $500,000 the second time) ungrateful teenagers that want to go to the mall everyday or over to their friend's house to do drugs and/or have sex. Enter Dad's Cab, an $18 clock that looks like a taxi meter. You just slap that mother to the dash with adhesive tape, load up the kids, and then drive them wherever they demand. Then, when you're slowing down to 25MPH so they can roll out, you toss a fare card out the window. Fares include "Bring me a mug of tea an the paper on the weekend", "Wash, wax, and vacuum my car", "Let daddy get drunk in front of the TV for the night", "Stop stealing my beer", "Get a freaking job", and "Run away from home".

Geez, whatever happened to using public transportation? When I was a kid, there was no asking my parents for a ride. They'd just pin a note to my shirt with my destination printed on it and send me off to the bus stop. And that, dear reader, is how I was kidnapped by a one-eyed prostitute.

Dad's cab, a taxi meter for your social butterfly kids [dvice]

Thanks Julia tripped on whiskey, we should get together and do that sometime.

Jul 2 2008 Kid Breaks Guitar Hero Record, Is 13

Danny Johnson is 13-years old that started playing Guitar Hero a scant 9 months ago. But that hasn't stopped him from putting my skills to shame and snagging the Guinness World Record for highest score on "Through The Fire and Flames". Danny scored 890,971 points in front of a live audience at the Guitar Hero 24 Hour Maraton in Dallas and has allegedly pushed past 950,000 points at home. Danny estimates he's played the song nearly 500 times since first starting the game.

Danny still plays "Guitar Hero" about three hours a day. And even though he holds the world record, he's trying to do even better on "Through the Fire and Flames," trying to beat his high score. That poses plenty of challenge for him -- if not some irritation.

"I do hate the song," he admits with some reluctance. "It gets annoying a lot."

Three hours a day, huh? I see your three hours Danny, and raise you two more. The record will be mine. Oh yes, the record will be mine. Okay, now's the part where I say something mean about a 13-year old to make myself feel better because I'm jealous that he's better than me. Look away if you still want to have any respect for The Geekologie Writer. You've been warned. Hey Danny, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the grand prize for the tournament wasn't a girlfriend, was it? Haha, BURN! Wait a minute, I don't have one either. Who's the asshole now, Danny? Yeah, still me.

Hit the jump for a video of the record-breaking performance (filmed on a freaking television), along with one that was made in the comfort of his own home in which he scores over 949,000.

Continue Reading " Kid Breaks Guitar Hero Record, Is 13 "

Jun 12 2008 Wow: Little Kids Firing Automatic Weapons

This video is old. Old as anything else that was filmed in 2005. But I hadn't seen it until now, and it's awesome. Awesome in a "holy shit, four-year olds are blowing up cars with automatic weapons" kind of way. Make sure you have the volume down on your speakers, it gets kind of loud. The video was taken during "Oklahoma Full Auto Shoot", an annual event in which kids with no motor skills destroy things with automatic weapons. Just watch it. I love how at 0:14 when the car starts rolling and the kids start firing at it, you understand just how dangerous a weapon is in the hands of a child. Now I'm not sure how many people typically die at this awesome annual event, but if I had to guess I'd say oh my God they're training these kids to be in a militia.

Toddlers shooting machine guns at cars [bbgadgets]

Jun 10 2008 Good Job: 14-Year Old Makes His Own Cars

Naman Chopra is a 14-year old boy in India who makes his own freaking cars. He's built two so far, a little red sports car and the limo seen there in the picture.

The black beauty is also made from junk and is capable of speeds of up to 130MPH. It has a 1498 cc engine borrowed from Daewoo Cielo. This car is equipped with power windows, power steering, manual 5 speed transmission, sun and moon roof, central locking, tubeless tires, 15" alloy wheels, clear headlamps, driver and rear passenger separation (just like in a real limousine), runs on gasoline, stereo, leather seats. Both cars are in perfect running condition.

Good looking, Naman -- very impressive work. You've definitely got a bright future in the automotive industry if you keep this up. I seriously can't believe the ingenuity of today's youth. They're making all sorts of incredible things. It's amazing. The only thing I was making at that age was out with Peder Lou. Oh, you thought I was joking about that last post didn't you? Well I wasn't. I've got enough emotional baggage to fill the all too familiar back of a 1991 Ford Econoline.

Hit the jump for more pictures (including the other vehicle), and a link to the more in-depth article.

Continue Reading " Good Job: 14-Year Old Makes His Own Cars "

May 14 2008 Man Grows Old Right Before Your Eyes

Wow, I really need to ramp up my efforts to live a more stress free life. I don't wanna end up like this guy, who, in the span of three years, went from a young dapper lad to an old diaper clad. Apparently he's a Japanese news reporter that let the stress of the job get the best of him. Listen, I've got a piece of advice for those of you out there that feel like you may be headed down the same path. Hookers. They help you live a happy, stress (but not necessarily VD) free life. I'd still frequent them if I didn't get wrapped up in this whole "marriage" thing. It's seriously killing me, and I've only been hitched for two years. It started with gradual hair loss, then a strange rash. Next came a chest pain, and now I can't hear (over the sound of my wife's blathering piehole). Oh no -- oh no. Hold on a sec. "Hey, wait, please don't go -- I need you. PLEASE. No, not them too. Come on, maybe tonight'll be the night. No I haven't been saying that for two years! Come back, I beg you!" *sobbing* Well folks, it's official -- my proverbial sausage has packed his metaphorical meatballs and left. Life as I know it, is over. I might as well become a leper.

Don't Get Stressed Or You'll End Up Like This Guy [albotas]

May 13 2008 'Marry Our Daughter' Website Is Wrong (But I Proposed To The Cheapest One Anyways)

Marry Our Daughter is a website where parents post their daughters and ask for proposals. There's a short paragraph explaining the girl, and then the cost of marriage. Prices typically range from $20,000-$50,000 but I found a couple runts going for less than $8,000. I'm pretty sure the site is a joke. I was going to propose to a $5,995 14-year old to test it out before I realized I don't want to burn in hell or have some pedo-taskforce bust down the door. So yeah, we'll just assume it's fake. Read a testimonial:

Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn't very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We've told our youngest that when she turns 15 we're going to marry her off too!

Okay, bad example. The other ones though, totally made up. That one was actually believable. Trust me -- my parents once traded me to a mechanic for a tire rotation and piña colada scented air freshener.

Marry Our Daughter

Thanks to "Knowing my mom, I'm probably already on there" Alexis

Apr 28 2008 Uno Cycle Looks Like It Has One Wheel, But Actually Has Two (They're Side By Side!)

Now I'm not here to start an argument over who came up with the first one wheeled motorcycle, so, for simplicity, we'll just assume that I did. Anyways, this is the Uno (which is not as cool as the Wild Card I built), a two wheeled motorcycle that has the wheels placed side by side. Oh snap! It was designed and built by 18-year-old Ben J. Poss Gulak, who is probably a genius. It stays upright thanks to advanced gyroscopic technology and a powerful sorcerer using black magic.

Operation of the 54.4 kg (120 lb) machine is simple, in fact it's so simple there are no controls except for an on-off switch. To go forward you simply push your body weight forward to tilt the machine. To back up, just lean back on the seat to tilt it backwards and back it goes. The farther you lean, the faster it accelerates. The gyro tells the ECU how much to accelerate and that in turn delivers the proper amount of current to the electric motors, one for each wheel.

Wow, that's pretty cool. Too bad you look goofy as hell riding it. Still, my hat is off to Ben for being able to create something so amazing at 18. God knows the only thing I was making at 18 were bongs out of 2-liter bottles. Regardless, I think we can all agree the Uno brings new meaning to the phrase "crotch rocket", doesn't it? HAHAHA HAHAHA! What's that -- it doesn't? Well shit.

Several more pictures of the machine after the jump.

Continue Reading " Uno Cycle Looks Like It Has One Wheel, But Actually Has Two (They're Side By Side!) "

Apr 16 2008 Japanese Cigarette Machine Asks For Your ID

You have to be 20 to smoke in Japan, but that hasn't stopped those younger than that from buying cigarettes (but not pot or other meds) from machines (which, unlike awesome robots, can't discern age). So now the Tobacco Institute of Japan has started rolling out machines that will only work after a "tobacco passport" age-verification card is swiped. What prevents Japanese schoolgirls from getting somebody else's card is very little, so I wonder how effective these will be. But what do I know? Did you say jack shit? Then you are absolutely correct, knew him in college. Well, his birth name is Jackamo Crapatonian, that was just a clever nickname we came up with.

Japanese Schoolgirl Watch: Tobacco Vending Machines Block Underage Smokers [wired]

Thanks to Melissa, who doesn't need an ID because everyone knows her, for the tip

Feb 26 2008 3-Year Old Knows Star Wars Better Than I Do

This is a video of a 3-year old girl describing what happens in Star Wars. She's really cute. According to the girl's dad:

She explained the whole movie to me in much greater detail but unfortunately I didn't have the camera going. When I finally caught her talking about the movie again she delivered this truncated, but still funny, version...Believe it or not, she has seen the movie only once, and I spread it out over three days so it wouldn't be too much all at once for her.

Wow little girl, wow. I don't even remember that much. If I was describing Star Wars it would go something like, "There were these two robots, one looked like a trashcan and I think the other may have been a rapper. There was a guy with a laser sword, it was freaking sweet. Then a dude in all black with a wicked voice choked a dude without even touching him. And get this, it all happened in space! Oh, and there was a hot chick with cinnamon rolls for hair.

3-Year-Old Summarizes Star Wars [gizmodo]

Jan 25 2008 Boy Builds Bicycle Entirely Out Of Wood

16 year-old high school student Marco Facciola built a bike out of wood. I'm talking every part is made out of wood. Pretty damn impressive. "Marco had to complete this as a non-academic project for his International Baccalaureate, and inspiration came from his grandfather, forced to make wooden wheels for his bike during the war due to rubber shortages." Well props to both you and your grandfather, I'm sure he's proud. Say, mind if I take it for a ride? I'm working on a stunt spectacular where I set a bike on fire and jump over cats in my driveway. No I can't use my own bike Marco, it won't burn right.

Hit the jump for several close-ups of the amazing wooden gears and chain.

Continue Reading " Boy Builds Bicycle Entirely Out Of Wood "