Feb 8 2010 You've Gotta Be Kidding Me: Pajama Jeans
Because Snuggies alone don't suck enough ass, somebody went and invented Pajama Jeans. What are Pajama Jeans? I don't even want to know. But you do, don't you? Fine, I'll randomly copy/paste some paragraphs and hope they do the trick BUT ONLY BECAUSE I'M A HARD-HITTING JOURNALIST. *pow!* :
"We were noticing that people were wearing their pajamas on airplanes and in grocery stores. But a lot of people have mixed feelings about it because they think it's inappropriate and sloppy," Stacey Buonanno, merchandising manager for The PajamaGram Company, maker of the double duty "denim," explained to StyleList.
"A lot of people wear their workout clothes out. But we thought it would be easy to take a pair of jeans, style them similar to a yoga pant, give them all the jean detailing, but make them stretchy and soft so that you wouldn't mind wearing them to bed," she told us.Adding that, "The cool thing about the fabric is that the outside looks like a typical twill but it definitely has more of a jersey feel. And the inside is really, really brushed, so it almost feels like the inside of sweatpants or fleece."
$40 scores a pair. And, for a limited time only, if you send them to me along with $20 I'll sign them and sleep in them. Extra $10 for a Polaroid of me passed out on the couch with a penis drawn on my face, $5 for a custom stain. It's really a bargain if you think about it. Drunk. Think about it drunk.
Hit the jump for a worthwhile two-minute commercial.
Continue Reading " You've Gotta Be Kidding Me: Pajama Jeans "
Feb 6 2010 How To: Disappoint A Friend On Their Birthday
Send a ball, that's how. Or nothing. Honestly, I'd prefer nothing. At least you won't piss my mailman off (he already f***s up all my packages).
Send a Ball, the online store that lets you create personalized inflatable balls for any occasion, made its ABC Shark Tank debut tonight. Here's how the business started: "One day I [co-founder Michele) was in Osco, saw a BIN of bouncy balls, grabbed one and thought "I can mail this". Took a sharpie, addressed it to my BFF Sharon, wrote "Have BALL with your new baby", went to the post office and mailed it."
Balls start at $20 and include shipment to anywhere in the US. Which, for a $1 ball and $1 worth of postage, is a 1,000% markup. Which I think we can all agree, is the American way. Also: fat with a false sense of entitlement.
News video with two annoying chicks after the jump.
Continue Reading " How To: Disappoint A Friend On Their Birthday "
Jan 14 2010 I Dare You: Try To Explain How This Is Okay
It's a giant baby robot. It exemplifies everything that's wrong with robotics. Namely, that they exist -- or were born, if you will (L337 baby tie-in FTW!). It shouldn't exist. If I had a time machine I'd go back in time and make sure it was never created bang dinos. Sorry guys, I've got priorities.
the robot is supposed to model a 1 year old baby and the purpose is to conduct research on how a baby's brain develops. Diego-san's face has about 20 moving parts so that it can communicate with facial expression without being able to talk. It is 130cm tall, weighs 30kg and can stand up from a chair on its own. It can hold a water bottle with its hand. It has a high resolution camera and 6 axis acceleration sensor built in to detect movement. Unfortunately it doesn't say why the head has to be so big. Female researchers contributed to the design and coordination - thus the photo of woman hugging Diego-san.
Pfft. Like you really need a creepy-ass robot to study how a baby's brain develops? Here, let me solve that mystery for you: slowly. I have an eleven-year old who still craps his pants. And before you all get in a huff about scarring my son for life by airing his dirty laundry (God I'm good) on Geekologie, don't worry: he can't even read.
Hit the jump for a larger shot of the baby and his inventor.
Continue Reading " I Dare You: Try To Explain How This Is Okay "
Jan 11 2010 Never Ever Would I Ever: Fondle A Sex Robot
Seen here in one of the world's most pathetic photographs, Douglas Hines chats it up with his sex robot "Roxxxy" about soccer (and he wonders why he needs a sex robot).
The anatomically-correct robot, who can even snore, has an articulated skeleton that can move like a person but can't walk or independently move its limbs.
There is Wild Wendy, who is outgoing and adventurous, Frigid Farrah, who is reserved and shy, a young unnamed doll with a naïve personality, "matriarchal kind of caring" Mature Martha and S & M Susan, who is geared for more adventurous types.Coming with a laptop the doll, priced between US$7,000 (£4,350) to US$9,000 (£5,993), was unveiled at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas at the weekend.
Inspiration for the sex robot sprang from the September 11, 2001 attacks, he said, where a friend died and he vowed to store his personality forever.
WTF!? Honoring the memory of a friend by humping his likeness in sex-robot form? Listen, I don't want to be honored if that's how they're doing it these days. Just shoot my body out of a cannon and call it a day.
Foxy 'Roxxxy': world's first 'sex robot' can talk about football [telegraph]
Thanks to Spenny "human advocat", dB, Brad B, Zerv, Steve P, TobyRaider, Brandon, Ben, Kyle, M3ntal, The Harbinger of Dooooooooom, Jasmine, dez, J.D., Mollie, Jack and Shannon, who don't do robots. Literally or figuratively.
Jan 8 2010 Hurt People, So Funny!: Best Fails Of 2009
Because there's nothing more enjoyable than watching jackasses hurt themselves attempting feats of stupid, this is a compilation of the best (and most painful) fails of 2009. It's chock full of future Darwin Award recipients, and I wouldn't be surprised if half these jokers don't make it to 2011 (please exit the gene pool ladder left). Although, as a guy who's shattered his arm twice and now has a Luke Skywalker arm, I want to cut it off and be human again.
Best Fails of 2009[collegehumor]
Thanks to Fran, who has never broken a bone, but has cracked a few skulls.
Jan 8 2010 You've Got To Be Kidding Me: Cleavage Caddy
The cleavage caddy may look like a breast-shaped CD holder for your car's sun visor, but it's not. No, it's a purse a woman (or moobed gentleman -- hopefully with a monocle) stows between their breasts (look at me using the proper nomenclature!) and bra.
An insert for your bra with or without an added lace accent to to enhance your attire with a feminine influence. If you choose the lace version, the lace covers your cleavage, adding an extra element of modesty, while still allowing you to carry all of your personal items discretely tucked in your bra. These are worn anchored to the bra by the elastic strap with a snap. Tuck away your keys, credit cards, lipstick and more!
Caddies cost $30 and are guaranteed to make your boobs look all angular and pointy and generally undesirable. But will guys still stare at them? Absolutely. Available in medium (below 38D) and large (above 38D) something something MOTORBOAT! *BWUBWUBWUBWWUB!* Pulitzer me.
Thanks to Justin, who totally didn't find the site searching "cleavage" on Google (yes he did too).
Dec 23 2009 Are You Man Enough To Buy A Label-less N64 Game From Some Guy On eBay?
I know I am -- if the price was right. Unfortunately it's not because this auction is already up to $110 with two and a half days left. *scraping frantically with a razor blade* I'm gonna be rich!
Yes, this game is missing its labels, leaving the games identity indiscernible. However, everything else about the cartridge is perfect. There's no sticker residue, major scratches, writing, dents, cracks, or anything else. The 'game' (whatever it may be) plays just fine thanks to a few hours of heavy duty contact cleansing (I rubbed those contacts down as if there was no tomorrow).
You are bidding on THE CARTRIDGE WITH NO NAME.
Thanks to all the fake bids placed by speds to be funny, the seller has decided to include three, count them, THREE label-less cartridges in the auction so you get more bang shitty game for our buck. Plus, 25% of the sale is going to the Child's Play charity, which aims to scare the shit out of less fortunate children with murderous dolls. Not cool!
Thanks to Isaac, who's man enough to know when you shouldn't place bids on eBay: after seven beers.
Dec 23 2009 Be Safe, In Style: Fashionable Safety Vests
Safety vests are, by nature, garish. They're orange or bug-guts green and usually have some luminescent stripes to accentuate you not getting hit by a car. But that's what's important right? Safety. Same reason I won't blog without my crash helmet on.
Hi-Vis is a set of innovatively designed, highly-visible vest collection, specially designed for road side safety. Unlike usual roadworker's uniform like vests, the Hi-Vis collection comprises stylish sporting buttons, frills and collars that will effectively eliminate the shame of wearing them for the users. With its eye-soothing fluorescent green color along with fashionable black liner, these vests can easily become a selection for all motorists who is undergoing through an unfortunate break down. Other drivers can easily locate the wearer from enough distance that requires making a safe and perfect evade.
Effectively eliminating the shame of wearing one? You've got to be kidding me. Although honestly, I'd wear a giant pink dildo with sparklers on my head if it means not getting hit by a bus.
Hit the jump for some more safety couture.
Continue Reading " Be Safe, In Style: Fashionable Safety Vests "
Dec 20 2009 LOLWUT?!: A Special Power Glove Request
Some sexual deviant from Canada whose parents wouldn't buy him a Nintendo Power Glove for Christmas when he was a kid is dealing with the repressed trauma by requesting women play with his little thingy with the glove on. This is the Craigslist ad. And what do you mean "no nerds"? Who do you think you are, The Wizard? Also, I love how it's filed under "causal encounters", like having a girl come over, donning a F***ING POWER GLOVE and touching your penis is akin to meeting someone for coffee.
Thanks to Blastphemer, vikram and Samsquanch who all claim it wasn't them but I have my doubts.
Dec 17 2009 Cleanup In Aisle 4: A Grocery Shopping Robot
I don't know if you could tell by the title but I was implying that I would tear that robotic bastard limb from limb right there in aisle four between the baby food and Maxi-Pads. Ain't no robot handling these eggs!
The robotic assistant -- an advanced version of the Robovie-II android developed by Advanced Telecommunications Research Institute International (ATR) -- is the centerpiece of a networked system of robots, sensors and digital technology designed to make shopping more convenient and entertaining for the elderly.
In the video above, which shows part of a test conducted on December 10, the child-sized robot accompanies a 67-year-old woman while she shops for mandarin oranges and broccoli. In addition to carrying the woman's shopping basket, the robot reminds her to get the mandarin oranges, recommends the apples (which the robot says are delicious this season), reminds her to get the broccoli, and suggests including lettuce in her salad along with the broccoli. On several occasions, the robot remarks on how delicious the items look.
That's ridiculous. Who the hell's gonna buy something BECAUSE A FREAKIN' ROBOT TELLS YOU IT LOOKS DELICIOUS? Oh, right. DAMNIT OLD PEOPLE! I hope you like drain cleaner in your cereal.
Hit the jump for the video of the poisoner in action.
Continue Reading " Cleanup In Aisle 4: A Grocery Shopping Robot "
Dec 14 2009 WTF? NO!: Robotic Doppelgangers For Sale
Damnit, Japan -- and just last post I was singing your praises about your breakthrough in upskirting technology AND NOW YOU HAVE TO GO AND RUIN IT. This hurts, Japan. This really hurts. DON'T TRY TO HUG ME.
The mechanical doppelgangers are available for a limited time as part of a special New Year's promotional sale at Sogo, Seibu, and Robinson's department stores. They will be built by Japanese robotics firm Kokoro, which is perhaps best known for its line of Actroid receptionist humanoids.
In addition to providing the robot with the owner's face, body, hair, eyes and eyelashes, Kokoro will model the robot's facial expressions and upper body movements after the buyer. The robot's speech will be based on recordings of the owner's voice.
Thankfully, they're only making two and each will cost a staggering $223,000. But you've got to admit, that's a small price to pay for being killed by a robotic version of yourself, amirite? NO I'M NOT RIGHT THAT WAS A TEST AND YOU F***ING FAILED! You will never pass my class!
Hit the jump for a poster advertising the Actroid receptionist humanoid (same chassis on which these will be built).
Continue Reading " WTF? NO!: Robotic Doppelgangers For Sale "
Dec 14 2009 Iffy: A 'How To Talk To Women' XBox Game
Apparently there's a downloadable XBox game that's supposed to teach you how to talk to girls. Which -- so let me get this straight: playing a video game....to learn how to talk to girls. Folks, you better put your foil helmets on, the universe is imploding.
"Are you nervous talking to girls? All you need is practice," I kid you not, is the tag line for a downloadable Xbox 360 game called Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls.
The 80 point ($1) indie game is one part dating sim and tries to be one part edutainment. Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls takes it self surprisingly seriously for such a silly title.
Now wait just a minute -- are we talking TO girls or are we talking TWO girls. Because those are two completely different things. One of which might actually be worth $1. Psyyyyyyche! What is this, a value menu?!
Xbox 360 Game Wants To Help You Talk To Women [siliconera]
Thanks to Jackie Jormp Jomp, who doesn't need an XBox game to talk to the other sex because the Wii port is better.
Dec 14 2009 Seen It All Now: Microwave S'mores Machine Keeps Pressure On Your Marshmallow
The Micro S'mores machine is a piece of shit designed for cooking s'mores in the microwave. The secret is its "Core Fusion Technology" which is a jargonical (word wizardry!) way of saying it has a plunger that pushes the marshmallow down as it gets gooey. You get two of them for $20, plus shipping and handling. Now, as a guy who's been making s'mores in the microwave since middle school, I'll admit a little downward pressure while the s'mores cook is key to a good turnout. So here's what you do: break off the safety latch that prevents you from cooking with the microwave door open. You'll be able to stir things too!
Hit the jump for a ridiculous commercial.
Continue Reading " Seen It All Now: Microwave S'mores Machine Keeps Pressure On Your Marshmallow "
Dec 13 2009 Guitar Hero Inspired 'Christmas Light Hero' Actually Playable On The Side Of A House
This is a screenshot of some kid playing 'Christmas Light Hero' on the front of his (parents') house. And I thought I was a crazy Christmas decorator (I am, I wander around the front yard in my bathrobe cackling)!
According to the Daily What, Ric Turner, a former Disney 'imagineer' and special effects specialist, turned his yard into a game of Guitar Hero, built out of 21,268 lights and LEDs, that plays Eric Johnson's "Cliffs of Dover."
To program the show a video recording was made of a perfect round of Guitar Hero playing Eric Johnson's Cliffs of Dover. The timing of all the dots and the light show choreography follow that video.When you play, you watch only the Christmas lights, but the audio you hear is from the Wii, so your flubs are broadcast for all to hear (people in cars can tune 99.1 and crank it up as loud as they want.)
Wow, that's....impressive. Not as impressive as wiring up a homemade 'Rock Band, Holiday Edition' using EVERY HOUSE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, but it's not bad for an amateur effort. It is sooooo on, Ric! (I have all the giant inflatables, just sayin').
Hit the jump for the video of the lights in action.
Dec 11 2009 I've Seen It All Now: Animal B-Hole Covers
Rear Gear Butt Covers ("No more Mr. Brown Eye" -- not even kidding) are little $5 cardboard cutouts that hang from your pet's tail and cover its butthole. Jesus Christ.
Is your pet feeling left in the dirt because of his/her unsightly rear? I've got them covered... Rear Gear is handmade in Portland, OR and offers a cheerful solution to be-rid your favorite pet's un-manicured back side.
Rear Gear comes in many designs including a disco ball, air freshener, heart, flower, biohazard, smiley face, number one ribbon, cupcake, sheriff's badge, dice, and you can even make yours custom, so there's a Rear Gear for everyone.
Admittedly, I hate an animal's bare b-hole touching my arm as much as the next guy, but I'm not definitely not hanging a trunk ornament on it. My pet deserves her dignity, damnit. Aaaaand now she's licking it. NO I DON'T WANT A KISSIE!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to the Etsy sale page.
Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Animal B-Hole Covers "
Dec 10 2009 Cause Nothing Says "I Don't Give A Dang About People Around Me" Like Neckphones
Neckphones are earphones for people with no ears or head. They just hang around your neck and make everyone else on the bus hear firsthand your horrible taste in music. Everybody will undoubtedly give you the stinkeye, hoping you'll take the hint and get off at the next stop, but you won't (you're dense, also, incredibly disrespectful). Available for a staggering $130 from Hammacher Skeletor, they're the perfect gift for that special asshole in your life. God, whatever happened to good old fashioned ghetto blasters? Those were the days, weren't they? I'm talking about getting high and breakdancing. Good times, good times.
Product Site
via
Neckphones are like headphones only more obnoxious [dvice]
Dec 4 2009 Tell Me He's Not Straddling The Armrest
Listen, I don't care how fat you are, God still loves you. But even God would charge you for two seats if you can't fit in one. Just sayin'. High five, big G!
Obese air passenger in economy seat has picture taken [telegraph]
Thanks to Add Not Andrew Macgregor and Afern, who always buy two seats but only because they don't like people sitting next to them.
Dec 2 2009 Gotta Be Kidding Me: Newlyweds Update Facebook Relationship Statuses At Altar
Listen, I don't know these people and I don't know what their deal is. Maybe they met on Facebook or something. And if they did, this is still the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. Of course, marriage is a joke anyways, amirite? Well, mine was.
During his wedding ceremony, Dana Hanna whipped out his mobile device and not only changed his relationship status to married on Facebook (Facebook), but also sent out a tweet announcing that the couple had become man and wife.
I've got to admit, there might be an upside to this. A wife that lets you Facebook and tweet from the altar might also be cool with a little "social networking" after marriage, if you catch my drift. I'm talking about swinging.
Just Married: Groom Changes Facebook Relationship Status at the Altar [mashable]
Thanks to Lea C, who only swings from chandeliers because she's the life of the party.
Dec 2 2009 No, Absolutely Not: These $263,000 Speakers
We've seen our fair share of ridiculously expensive speakers here on Geekologie, but nothing as scrapyard-fresh looking as these $263,000 Fabio Ognibeni Opere Sonore's. Admittedly, they do go with any decor, provided you live in an blacksmith's workshop. God, I'd hate to run into one on my way for a midnight snack though. The Fabio Ognibeni Opere Sonare: peasants stub their toes, the rich have them shaven clean off.
And on a side note, for $263K I'll come over and physically hold your speakers up for you.
These speakers probably aren't worth the $263,000 price tag [dvice]
Dec 1 2009 You've Gotta Be Kidding Me: My Life Is Twilight
So there's a new website out there that's similar to fmylife, but instead of people talking about how much their lives suck, it's a bunch girls talking about how much their lives are like Twilight, which is even sadder. Some examples:
Today I asked my boyfriend if he would hold ice to his lips for a minute before he kissed me, so I could pretend I was kissing Edward. He did. MLITby Rachel - Love - Your life is SO Twilight! (94) - Not so much Twilight.. (18)
Today I was wearing my twilight t-shirt at the store. This pale guy with topaz eyes came up to me and said: "Say it. Say it out loud." I squeled, and said "Vampire. How old are you?' he said, "17. I've been 17 for awhile." It was so cool! MLIT.by Scramble - My Life - Your life is SO Twilight! (52) - Not so much Twilight.. (7)
WOW. Oooh, I've got one:
Today I was hopping around the forest, munching some carrots, you know -- the usual, when some glittery asshole killed me so he could drink my blood. WTF JERK?! MLIT.by Peter Rabbit - My Life - Your life is SO Twilight! (1,593) - Not so much Twilight.. (2)
Feel free to write your own after the jump. Or, you can write a MLIG (My Life is Geekologie) if you want, I'm not stopping you.
Thanks to Jocelyn, who keeps her relationships with wolves are strictly platonic.
