Nov 5 2009 Shower With 3-D Wrap Around Touchscreen

Listen, I love standing in the shower watching full-length movies as much as the next water waster (which is why I just had a swimming pool sized hot water heater installed), but what's the matter with a traditional projection setup? I swear, people are always trying to one-up me. Too bad I know how to do that turtle shell trick in world 3-1 of the original Super Mario and can get unlimited one-ups. Suck it -- I will always out one-up you!

The Roca Waterdrop Shower Room surrounds you by a 3D touchscreen, allowing you to watch movies while you bathe. The touchscreen also allows you to control the temperature of the water and the intensity of the jets.

I mean, sure if you want to be tacky about it. I think we can all agree the touchscreen is a little much. I would have gone with voice-control. AND WHERE ARE THE LASER EXFOLIATORS? Cheapskates.

Install a 3D wraparound touchscreen in your shower [dvice]

Sep 30 2009 Bad Idea: American Girl Makes Homeless Doll

You see that doll there? Her name's Gwen, and she's the latest release from the American Girl company. Plus, she's homeless. WTF!? Where's her 1991 Chicago Bull's NBA Championship shirt and mix-matched shoes?

For $95 -- more than your average homeless person would dream of spending on a rather mediocre baby substitute -- Gwen Thompson can be yours. A mixed message if ever there was one.

In the history books that come with every American Girl doll -- bringing to life these little monsters until impressionable little ones believe they are actual people -- you learn that Gwen's father walked out on the family. Her mother lost her job.

As the little kiddies learn to read about this doll as if she's a human being, one learns that, as fall turned into winter, Gwen's mom lost her grip.

Mother and daughter started bedding down in a car.

JESUS. Where's the part about her mom turning tricks in the backseat of that Buick in order to afford Gwen's dress? Just saying, those things don't grow on street lamps. And, as a guy who's no stranger to "bedding down" in the back of a car, trust me: they never really have free candy.

'Homeless' doll costs $95 (hairstyling extra) [nypost]

Thanks to Kristin, who once bought a heroin-addict doll but returned it when she found out it came with real used needles.

Aug 24 2009 Wow, That's Ridiculous: This Pizza Cutter

Because rich people sometimes struggle to find new things to blow their money on, Frankie Flood makes custom, one-of-a-kind pizza cutters. No word on price or if they're dishwasher safe, but from the looks of this one, no. That thing will kill every dish in the washer and then start eying your cupboard. Look out, little Indian!

The most intense-looking pizza cutters ever? [dvice]

Thanks to Dan, who cuts pizza the way nature intended: with a rusty battle axe.

Aug 11 2009 Questionable: The Personal Rockin' Computer

The PRC chair allegedly stands for Personal Rockin' Computer. But how on earth you would ever use a computer in that thing is beyond me. I mean, I couldn't even comfortably fry my nuts with a laptop in it. Plus, it costs a staggering $4,200. Can you say, "tractor tire"? Because I can. No, I'm fairly confident this thing is a glorified sex swing for the rich. Seriously, just look at that provocative tart in the picture. She definitely only knows one kind of hard drive and RAM if you ask me. Gosh what a hussy (let me get those digits, girl).

The PRC is your Personal Rockin' Chair [dvice]

Aug 3 2009 Candle Melter Makes New Candles From Old

The Candle Quick is a glorified stove pot that melts pre-burnt candles to make new ones. Melt multiple candles together for unique smell combinations! Including, and virtually limited to: complete stinking ass! The Candle Quick costs $25 and, despite what the picture would have you believe, is best used WHILE PAYING ATTENTION. I can already hear the fire trucks from here.

Recycling candles is what this economy has brought us to [dvice]

May 28 2009 The Worst And Saddest Of Yahoo! Answers

Okay, this one is actually legit, but everything after the jump isn't. They're the kind of questions that make you want to bathe with a toaster (or SPOILER ALERT: poisonous jellyfish). I assume some of them are fake, but I sadly guarantee a good portion are serious. And, well, *pouring out a little liquor* it's been real, humanity.

Hit it for a dozen or so of the worst questions ever asked.

Continue Reading " The Worst And Saddest Of Yahoo! Answers "

Sep 22 2008 I Just Pray To God She's Joking

Mark my words: I'm never, ever, driving again.

The Dumbest Woman On The Highway [break]

Thanks to Calypso, who's seen a tow-truck before.