Nov 4 2009 Moron Scores DWI In Breathalyzer Costume
18-year old idiot moron James N. P. Miller (because one initial wasn't enough) scored a DWI (you can't even drink legally!) on Halloween while wearing his 'blow here' breathalyzer costume. Not so good lookin', N.P. Can I call you N.P.? You know I'm going to anyways.
According to a police report, 18-year-old James N. P. Miller, of Cincinnati, was seen driving the wrong way out of the entrance to a one-way street at East Park Place in Oxford.
Inside his car, officers allegedly found an open container of Bud Light in the center console.Officers also found what was left of a case of Bud Light in the passenger side front seat and in the trunk.
The legal limit in Ohio is .08 BAC--Miller tested at .158. He was cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated (among other violations) and released to his girlfriend.
I actually know a guy that wore the same costume on Halloween and try as I might, I couldn't get a reading. I dunno, dead batteries or something.
Moron In Breathalyzer Costume Busted For Driving Drunk [gizmodo]
Thanks to Chris, who blew even harder than I did.
Jul 20 2009 Wrong: Creating Advertisements On The Moon
The natural satellite burglars over at Moon Publicity want to create ads on the moon by using robots that can draw in the dust. The whole idea has several problems. 1. robots and 2. ADVERTISING ON THE MOON. Like the aliens don't already hate us enough.
WEST VALLEY CITY, Utah, July 20 /PRNewswire/ -- It's one giant leap for robot-kind. New Shadow Shaping technology creates images on the Moon that can be seen from Earth. Robots are used to create several small ridges in the lunar dust over large areas that capture shadows and shape them to form logos, domains names, memorials or even portraits. Talk about the Man in the Moon! You can even carve your initials in a heart to impress your sweetheart.
As outerspace-y as I am, I just can't approve of etching a bunch of shit in the moon. I mean, it's like a landmark, you know? That would be like giving the Washington Monument a giant pair of balls, which, okay that would be cool.
Idiots Want Robots to Draw Ads On the Moon's Surface [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who agrees GEEKOLOGIE.COM is pretty much the only thing cool enough to belong on the moon.
Dec 16 2008 What?: Russian Man Trademarks ;-) Emoticon
Apparently the Russian patent office granted a trademark to resident doucheweed Oleg Teterin, a man who now allegedly owns the rights to the ;-) emoticon. WTF!
But critics doubt the trademark's legal basis as the emoticon has been in the public domain for years.
"I want to highlight that this is only directed at corporations, companies that are trying to make a profit without the permission of the trademark holder," Mr Teterin said in comments on the Russian TV channel, NTV.He also said since other similar emoticons - :-) or ;) or :) - resemble the one he has trademarked, use of those symbols could also fall under his ownership.
Wow, what is the world coming to? And where does this Ruski get off trying to trademark MY emoticons. That's right folks, I invented them all. Just kidding, but I do use 8===D a lot, often followed by 'PEW PEW!'
Russian hopes to cash in on ;-) [bbcnews]
Thanks Richthegringo, and good luck on your quest to patent all punctuation. Also, thanks to Abby, my new legal consultant.
Jul 28 2008 Kids Dig Up Corpse To Make Skull Bong
Wow, just wow. Kevin Wade and Mathew Richard, two 17-year olds from Houston, Texas, were recently arrested for abusing a corpse. They didn't try to have sex with it, but they did remove the skull to make a bong.
Police were interviewing Jones about the debit card fraud when he told them about the grave theft.Asked why Jones would volunteer the information police sergeant John Chomiak said: 'We can only speculate and guess to what goes on in the criminal mind.'
Come on sergeant, the kids didn't mastermind a bank heist, they dug up a corpse to make a bong. I'm pretty confident there isn't shit going on in their heads.
Teens make human skull bong [metro]
Thanks Gypsy and Paige, now come over and we'll take GB's out of my roommate's fishtank.
