Oct 7 2009 Carving With A Lightsaber: Jack-O-Vader
This is a Darth Vader and Yoda display made of fake carve-able pumpkins at some arts and crafts store in Roseville, MN. It serves as a perfect example of how NOT to sell fake pumpkins (Vader -- what the hell's on the end of your lightsaber?!). Listen -- you wanna sell foam pumpkins? I've got two words for you: naked....naked. Haha, I lost my train of thought. Naked something. Anything, I don't care what. BOOM, SOLD!
Darth Pumpkin and Yod-o'-lantern [gizmodo]
Sep 16 2009 No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOO!: Yaddle Love Aid
For those of you who don't know, Yaddle is a female Jedi of Yoda's species (whatever the hell those green freaks are). And what you're about to see, if you're brave enough to hit the jump, is a homemade lovemaking aid featuring a picture of Yaddle and a green Fleshlight. And for those of you who don't know what a Fleshlight is: congratulations, you're our only hope.
WARNING: IMAGE CANNOT BE UNSEEN.
Hit the jump and get it over with. Feel the burn.
Jul 18 2009 Do Or Do Not, There Is No Try: Geekologie Reader Spots Yoda Shaggin' Wagon
Geekologie Reader Dustin spotted this Yoda themed shaggin' wagon driving around in the wild and snapped a few pictures with his iPhone. Good lookin', Dustin. But seriously, next time keep both hands on the wheel. I kid, I kid, that's why God invented knees.
Hit the jump for two more shots of the van that attracts Star Wars cosplay girls like moths to a flame.
Continue Reading " Do Or Do Not, There Is No Try: Geekologie Reader Spots Yoda Shaggin' Wagon "
Dec 26 2008 He's Going All The Way!: Star Wars Jerseys
I'm not saying wearing a $110 Star Wars themed sports jersey is going to hinder my chances of rounding third base and heading home with a female, but it might. And let's face it, I need all the help I can get. But just in case -- ladies? Who wants to do it while I wear a Jedi jersey? Any takers? No? Okay, fine, any givers? Hey, I'm down to experiment -- after all, I am *lighting Bunsen burner for mood lighting* a sexual scientist.
Aaaaand there went my eyebrows.
Hit the jump to see basketball, football and hockey jerseys.
Continue Reading " He's Going All The Way!: Star Wars Jerseys "
Dec 2 2008 'Tis The Season....To Crack Nuts?
With Jesus's b-day rapidly approaching, it's time to bust out the eggnog and nutcrackers and have a holly jolly boozefest. Am I right? And what sort of holiday spread is complete without nuts? Man, I freaking love nuts. Filberts, walnuts, pistachios, almonds, I gobble them all. And you know what they say about almonds don't you? Eight almonds a day, uh, keeps pederasts at bay? I don't actually know if they say that, but I'm gonna start. Anyway, this is a Star Wars nutcracker set available from Hammburgler Slumlordicus (that's two in one day!). 99 coconuts takes the whole set.
Darth Vader stands 10" tall and is draped in a vinyl cape, capped by his signature black helmet. He holds his red lightsaber and is decorated with details including vinyl boots, his breathing apparatus, and chest control unit. R2-D2 stands 7" tall displaying his handpainted circuitry; his anterior louvered vents conceal the "cracker." Master Jedi Yoda stands 7 1/2" tall with his walking stick and his humble burlap robe. Non-functional, they are for decorative purposes only.
Now wait just a long time ago minute! Non-functional? How hard is it to make the damn things functional? Isn't a nutcracker just a freaking hinge? WTF! I'll tell you what -- you just can't bust a nut like you used to. Wow, did I just go there? I did. I went there, I raged, I burnt the village down, I came back, got drunk again, lost a shoe, and puked in the other one. Now it's all mushy when I walk. And it stinks. But I'd still drink out of it. Hardcore. HARDCORE!
Thanks to James and Allison, who can both crack nuts between their pinky and ring finger because they're from that same planet Superman is from. Krypton. They're from Krypton.
Nov 19 2008 Yes!: Star Wars Arts And Crafts For Sale
Star Wars arts and crafts: I just can't get enough of that shit. It's like juice, but not liquid and nowhere near as sugary. Actually, I'm trying to limit my juice intake because I've been drinking too much lately and it's making me run up the walls. Well, not literally. Yes literally! I fell and hurt myself pretty badly. Broke the coffee table. And a cat. Anyway, today on Etsy we have some $5 patterns to make your own crochet Darth Vader and lightsabers, a $12 finger puppet Yoda, and a $950 sequin Darth Maul "painting". Hit up the jump to see them all. And then hit up your parents up for some beer money. Then we can go drink by the train tracks!
Hit it like a vending machine with a half-vended Snickers.
Continue Reading " Yes!: Star Wars Arts And Crafts For Sale "
Aug 28 2008 These Hilarious Star Wars T-Shirts Are Sure To Get Fangirls To Touch Your Saber
Just kidding. I do like them though. This one here, the Jedi EcoSaber is available in 22 different colors and costs $26 or $29 depending on if you want long sleeves or not. Hit the jump for another one with a crashed TIE Fighter Advanced x1 and Darth Vader escaping on an inflatable slide, possibly into a Dagobah swamp. Although I don't see Luke running around with that creepy green puppet on his back, so who knows.
Hit it to see the other.
Continue Reading " These Hilarious Star Wars T-Shirts Are Sure To Get Fangirls To Touch Your Saber "
Aug 20 2008 Cat Born With Four Ears, Named Yoda
Some cat in Downers Grove, Illinois (just west of Uppers Orchard) was born with four ear flaps. So what do you name a cat with four ears? That's easy -- Barfly. But then you let your son pick another one and he chooses the name of that creepy green goblin from Star Wars.
Ted and Valerie Rock first spied the little guy in 2006 at neighborhood bar on the South Side of Chicago before a Bears game. He was the last of a litter of eight put up for adoption by the bar's owner.
But the Rocks, who had lost their cat of 20 years just 6 months prior, saw something special in the gray kitten and decided to take him home.Their "Star Wars"-loving son thought to name the cat after the tiny Jedi master.
"I had named him Barfly," Rock said. "But we kind of liked Yoda better, and Barfly lasted only about a day."
Apparently the abnormality can cause hearing problems, but Yoda has checked out fine and lives a perfectly normal four-eared life. Well, if that isn't the most heart-warming story of the day. I swear, my heart almost feels like it's on fire. And, hello -- my left arm just went numb. Oh fu
UPDATE: Whew, false alarm. Sorry to scare you folks, but the ticker's just fine. It was the Double Diablo Burrito I had for breakfast. And my arm? Ha, I had forgotten I was prepping it for a Stranger.
Yoda the Cat Astounds With Four Ears [foxnews]
Thanks to Bryan, Sam and Kathryn, who were all born with four of something else. Limbs!
Jul 16 2008 Millenium Falcon And Master Yoda Cakes
Whee, two Millennium Falcon posts in a row! I bet all you readers out there with Millennium Falcon fetishes are Kessel Running out of your minds right now like you're on glitterstim spice thanks to all the awesomeness I so selflessly provide for you. As you can see, we've got two cakes here. On the left, a Millennium Falcon (made by Charm City Cakes), and on the right, Master Yoda (made by Mikkel Mihlrad for Star Wars Weekends). They're both made out of eggs and flour and shit (damnit, not literally) and look unbelievably amazing. Almost too good to eat. Almost, but I'd blast the hell out of those things like Greedo in the Mos Eisley Cantina -- into my face. NOM NOM NOM. You know, I think these cakes serve as an important reminder. A reminder that, no matter how sincere they sounded, my parents were lying whenever they told me they loved me.
Hit the jump for larger photos so you can really appreciate the amazing work that went into these caketacular masterpieces.
Jul 10 2008 Limited Edition Star Wars Adidas Shoes
This is the first I'd heard about the limited edition Star Wars x Adidas Super Stars sneakers (do people still say sneakers? I do) but apparently they came out a couple months ago and were limited to 800 pairs per side of the force (that's 800 dark side, 800 light side). So they're probably already snatched up. I looked on eBay and nada. So, yeah, I guess I'm gonna have to write a couple threatening letters to Adidas to send me a pair.
Great attention to detail was taken by Adidas for these sneakers. The "Yoda" Super Stars feature a hemp upper much like something the Jedi Master wore on his home planet of Dagobah. In addition to the good choice of colors and materials, Adidas also covered the lace tips in the neon green color of Yoda's lightsaber. The "Darth Vader" Super Stars takes inspiration from the characters mask. The parallel lines on the side are like that covering Vader's mouth and the black patent leather to represent the glossy finish. Again Adidas finished off the kicks with red lace tips to match Vader's lightsaber.
Okay, so I just found a place that had been selling them (sold out now) for $275. Which, around here, is the same price as 11 mediocre lap dances (22 on buy one get one free night). And, honestly, which would feel better on your weary soles(!)? The prosecution rests.
Hit the jump for a ton more pictures of both the Vader and Yoda models.
Feb 8 2008 The Taste Is Strong With This Cookie
Well it's been awhile since we've seen any Yoda inspired delicacies, but at long last comes another, this time in cookie form. They were created by dessert maker Zoë Lukas to celebrate the upcoming Star Wars exhibit at the Franklin Institute Science Museum in Philadelphia. I'd eat one. Hell, I'd eat a bunch of them as long as they're not Yoda flavored. I've heard the taste of a 900 year old shriveled Jedi master just isn't as appetizing as one would think. Shocking, I know.
Another picture of the cookies after the jump.
