Nov 4 2009 Breast Scarf Ever (See What I Did There?!)
This is a boob scarf made out of gym socks and what may or may not be dried apricots. They cost $45 and are available from Etsy seller Lourdesoftheflies. I think you only get one pair for that price though. RIPOFF!
almost look real!almost feel real!
almost are real!great for winter!
If you can actually convince someone that these almost look and feel real, you could probably sell safety matches to the devil. That said, I bought two pairs just to be safe. Worse comes to worse I'll fill them with pennies and swing em around like nunchucks.
Thanks to Rich Waffle_u, who better not waffle me unless he wants a face full of knuckles!
Nov 3 2009 Because I Love You (But Mostly For Myself): Stunning Princess Zelda Cosplay Gallery
These pictures have probably been around for a little while because I remember seeing a couple little ones way back in this post (mind like a steel trap, baby), but I'd never seen the full set. WELL HERE IT IS. Per cosplayer Lillyxanda:
I knew I wanted to be Princess Zelda when I played the original Legend of Zelda game back on Nintendo in 1987...it took me 18 years but i finaly got around to it. The illustrator Yusuke Nakano did'nt hold back when drawing the new designs for Princess Zelda. The designs are saturated in details for these grown up classic characters. I was feeling ambitious and decided to try and replicate the design. I had the honor of posing with the best Link cosplayer Pikminlink in some of these photos.
Hit the jump for like 15 more. No need to thank me. I mean, unless you're rich. Then you can thank me with money. Contact me for my bank account info. BUT NO NIGERIAN PRINCES. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm one plane ticket to Africa away from WHIPPING YOUR ASS.
Your princess awaits....
Oct 19 2009 BOOM!: Massive Underwater Mine Detonation
This is an old-ass video of somebody's (the French's?) Navy detonating an underwater mine. The picture quality is pretty poor but the explosion is amazing and I'm not afraid to admit I got aroused. Twice. Plus I love how at the very end they realize their boat's gonna be capsized by the resulting wave and start going apeshit. Talk about poor planning -- that's something I would do! But it's cool because I'm a blogger and not a Navy.
Thanks to Trogdolorian, who plans on traveling back in time to seize and burninate a castle.
Oct 3 2009 Twilight: The Way It Should Have Been
This is video from G4's Attack of the Show (featuring Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn) depicting what Twilight would have been like if there was a just and fair God. But there isn't, so guess who'll be watching New Moon opening night? NOT ME! My guess is a shit-ton of 13-year old girls. Plus your girlfriend.
Olivia Munn`s Twilight: Don`t Date Vampires [iambored]
Thanks to me.vicky, who once bit the head off a bat because she thought she heard it talking in vampire-speak.
Sep 16 2009 Cats Build Sweet-Ass Cardboard Mecha
Kittens driving a cardboard mecha, what could be cuter? Nothing, that's what! Unless there were chipmunks poking their heads out of the missile turrets. Oooh -- and a sleepy bunny somewhere!
Thanks to Ross, who once built a mecha out of sticks but it got blown down by a bad wolf. Ironically, the very same wolf I ride into battle. Sorry about that, Ross.
Sep 16 2009 Booze The Way God Intended: Boob Ice Luge
If God didn't want us drinking from boobs our whole lives, then why did he make them so appealing in adulthood? Also, why don't dinosaurs have nipples? These and many other life changing questions will be answered in my forthcoming tell-all, "The GW: A Life of Blogging". But honestly, when I first saw these $25 Boob Ice Luge molds I didn't even know what I was looking at. And did that stop me from ordering 20? No, my bank account balance did. But I still got 12!
Are you tired of your boring old Ice Luge? Planning a racy bachelor party and need an exciting way to chug your alcohol? Then you need this fabulous Boob Ice Luge! Just fill the breast mold with water, and in two days, you will have two rock hard boobs waiting to be filled with an alcoholic beverage of your choice!
"Rock hard boobs". Wow, that was a turn off. Don't get me wrong, I'd still drink out of them all night, I just wouldn't hang around after the party and try to take them home with me. Yes, yes I would. I don't even care if the nipples melt off!
Hit the jump for the uncensored shot.
Continue Reading " Booze The Way God Intended: Boob Ice Luge "
Sep 6 2009 No Work: Happy Labor Dabor Day Everyone!
Hey folks, sorry I had to leave so abruptly on Friday, I was traveling and got into a fistfight at the airport with a man with a large suitcase AND HAD TO WHIP HIS ASS FROM TERMINAL A TO TERMINAL D. Not really, but I was traveling. Anyway, I know I promised I'd have your haiku graded and returned today (some with smiley stickers, others with lots of red), but I forgot it was Labor Day weekend. You see, sometimes even your Geekologie Writer can be an idiot moron. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I jest, but it is a holiday weekend so I figured I'd wait till Tuesday to reveal the winners and show you the balls. So everybody have a great time tomorrow and remember: don't go to work. Unless you have to, in which case quit.
HAPPY LABOR DABOR DAY EVERYBODY!
Sep 1 2009 I Must Have It!: Magical Unicorn Juice
Some guy on eBay recently sold the last jar of unicorn semen in the United States for $31 plus $3 flat rate shipping. If you were the buyer please contact me, as I must have some. *ahem* For science, for science (if I repeat things it makes them real).
This is possibly the only jar of Unicorn semen left in the united states.Unicorns were bred for their magic and keen night hunting skills to protect lepreachauns that had been injured in battle during the civil war. Unicorns were only found in two places on the planet, the northern and southern hemispheres. Anyone in possession of this rare and magical fluid will be able to swim with the wolves and fly with the dolphins as its powers are still being found.I opened the jar while i was on my computer and my computer flickered for a minute and i realized the semen had helped me kill Yogg-Saron on my World of Warcraft account and i recieved the Shawl of Haunted memories and the Mantle of the Wayward Conqueror. i have already been blessed and recieved my gift...so i'm going to pass the power onto someone else. Do not drink the unicorn semen as the power is too much for the human digestive system and could change your DNA and give you the shits. Bid, but Bid Wisely.
Do not drink, my ass. I have an iron stomach (and lung) and am gonna guzzle that whole jar like I'm shotgunning a beer. LASER VISION, YOU WILL BE MINE!
Thanks Chris, but if I found out you bought it and aren't sharing, well, that's just cruel. GIVE ME A SIP!
Aug 27 2009 Cry Baby: Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat (R.I.P.)
NOTE: Video possibly NSFW due to cussing (GD) a couple times.
This post originally started as a tribute to Keyboard Cat, who I just found out passed away earlier this year (around May). But then I saw the play him off video featured above of a kid crying about a hockey game and filming it for his Youtube channel when his dad walks in and yells at him for being such an idiot moron. It is amazing. Not that I'd know anything about filming myself crying because sex tapes don't count, right? There was something in my eye!
Hit the jump for another classic play him off from Walker, Texas Ranger (it's even more f'ed up).
Continue Reading " Cry Baby: Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat (R.I.P.) "
Jul 24 2009 Stitch Wars: Gallery Of Star Wars Arts & Crafts
This is a gallery of Star Wars arts and crafts, all of which involved the use of needles. But not like the kind at the doctor's office -- those ones make the GW faint!
Hit the jump for 12 more I painstakingly uploaded for your viewing pleasure. I SAID DO IT!
Continue Reading " Stitch Wars: Gallery Of Star Wars Arts & Crafts "
Jul 17 2009 iBum Chair: Ladies, Please -- Have A Seat
The iBum Chair by Tomomi Sayuda is a photocopier built into a chair. It might just be the best chair ever invented. The question is: do they make an office model? My secretary hopes not.
...chair will automatically photocopy your ass, when you sit this chair. When audience sit down on the chair, a scanner on the top of chair to scan people's buttocks automatically. Then the scanned image is printed out from the right hand side of the chair. A sensor is detecting people's existence all the time. So people will not realize the existence of the scanner. Without notice, the photocopy of the bum will arrive next to the chair.
Certainly brings new meaning to the phrase "casting couch chair", doesn't it? No, I guess it doesn't. You know, that sounded a lot better in my head. Along with your singing. YOU WILL NEVER BE A STAR!
Hit the jump for a video of the chair in action.
Continue Reading " iBum Chair: Ladies, Please -- Have A Seat "
Jul 13 2009 You Will Be Mine, Oh Yes, You Will Be Mine: Cheeseburger Bed For Sale On eBay
Relax my little lambs, I'm alive. I apologize for not being able to post this past weekend but I've been traveling and am staying at a place with no internet (heathens!). Currently, I'm bringing Geekologie to you from an undisclosed public library near Miami, Florida (COME FIND ME, I DARE YOU!). So yeah, I didn't die and I'm sorry, okay? I swear I'll make it up to you. Nudie pics? You got em. And whatever you female readers would like as well.
So, remember the hamburger bed story Geekologie broke earlier this year? WELL IT'S FOR SALE ON EBAY AND I AM GONNA BE SLEEPING BETWEEN THOSE BUNS IN NO TIME! Now, which one of you lovely ladies wants to slide under that 8-foot sesame seedy goodness with yours truly? I'm quicker than fast food all Kobe beef, just sayin'.
Thanks to Kayla, who actually made the bed. What do you say, Kayla, one last romp in the burger? And to Aaron, who can watch but not touch.
May 14 2009 Google Maps Cleavage: I Have A New Hobby!
What Google Maps was made for, or what Google Maps was made for? God, I love geography.
Hit the jump for a zoomier picture.
Continue Reading " Google Maps Cleavage: I Have A New Hobby! "
Apr 27 2009 It's Scientific: Bacon Cures Hangovers
In a study that surprises nobody who's woken up still Tyrannosaurus Wrecked from the night before in a puddle of someone else's urine and eaten the breakfast of gods, scientists have discovered bacon really does cure a hangover.
"Bread is high in carbohydrates and bacon is full of protein, which breaks down into amino acids. Your body needs these amino acids, so eating them will make you feel good."
"Bingeing on alcohol depletes neurotransmitters too, but bacon contains a high level of aminos which tops these up, giving you a clearer head."Researchers also found a complex chemical interaction in the cooking of bacon produces the winning combination of taste and smell which is almost irresistible.
As a matter of fact, I remember reading somewhere in the Bible that the Apostles would all fry camel (a close relative of the pig, don't bother looking this up) after a night of boozing. So, yeah -- bacon: it's what Jesus would do.
Also, that's me in the picture.
Bacon sandwich really does cure a hangover [telegraph]
Thanks to The Baconator, Kevin, Rick, Cam, Duffman, Jonathan and Barry, who know the best way to cure a hangover is to start drinking again.
Apr 16 2009 $7 An Hour To Sit In A Gin And Tonic Mist
We've already featured a gin and tonic fog room before, but that was part of an art installation, and this is an actual London bar, where you can go get all tyrannosaurus-wrecked on gin-vapors, then fish & chip it up and puke on the Underground. Good times. Plus, the use of a protective suit is included in your $7/hour binge, so you won't leave smelling like juniper dingleberries. And $7/hour -- that ain't bad. I typically average $30/hour getting crunk -- and that doesn't even include tipping the strippers!*
*Because I don't!
London Bar Pumps Gin and Tonic Into The Air: Please Breathe Responsibly [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who, for two booze-related tips in one day, is obviously an alcoholic.
Apr 13 2009 Sexiest Dinosaur Costume EVER EVER EVER
My God what I wouldn't give to be that guy.
Best costume ever? You be the judge.*
*Unless you answered "no", in which case, you seriously suck at judging.
Picture [izismile]
Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who knew how inherently sexy this was as soon as he saw it. Spikey, we should start a club.
Apr 8 2009 Sexy Pirate Statue Angers Townspeople
Several people in the town of Girardville, Pennsylvania are upset over a busty pirate statue whose magical treasure chest (ZING!) draws scalawags into a local antique store. Amongst the town's most outspoken opponents of the statue is local Roman Catholic Priest, Edward Commolly.
"I believe that it's indecent. I guess it would be categorized as soft porn. If there is a definition of that, I would call it soft porn," said Father Edward Commolly.
Sorry, Father, but the definition of soft porn is the dryhumping you see on Cinemax. This is pure class.
"I think it's art. I don't see nothing wrong with that," said Randy Smith of Girardville.
"I think there is worse on television, to tell you the truth. If they want to do anything they shouldn't worry about a statue, they should start on television," said Heidi Martin.
Good lookin', Randy, totally agree: a statue of a female pirate with her blunderbusst (I could do this all day, folks) hanging out is art in the truest sense of the word. You hear that? Now walk the plank, Picasso! Oh, and valiant effort, Heidi, but they should definitely start on the internet.
Pirate Statue Stirs Controversy [wnep]
Thanks to Nefarious Nick, who totally made a friend take a picture while he was touching her rack. Wow, Nick, you've got problems. Awesome problems! Can I get a copy?
Apr 3 2009 Tuantaun Sleeping Bag Becoming Reality?
As you may recall, ThinkGeek cruelly offered a tauntaun sleeping bag as an April Fool's joke, just to break your heart. Well, because of the overwhelming demand for such a product, Thinkgeek has decided to look into actually having them made.
ATTN Tauntaun Fanatics!
Due to an overwhelming tsunami of requests from YOU THE PEOPLE, we have decided to TRY and bring this to life. We have no clue if the suits at Lucasfilms will grant little ThinkGeek a license, nor do we know how much it would ultimately retail for. But if you are interested in ever owning one of these, click the link below and we'll try!
If you go to the product site you can click on the link that says 'Email me IF available' to be notified if they actually get made. But one thing's for sure: if they're getting made, I'm getting laid (in one). Ever made love inside a tauntaun? It's warm. And squishy.
Thanks to roflbot (who I may still kill despite the tip) and Allison, whose tauntauns could easily make to the second marker before freezing.
Mar 18 2009 Tool Box Must: Multi-Purpose Halligan Rescues Kittens From Burning Buildings And Brains Zombies With Equal Dexterity
The Halligan Bar is a tool used by both fire fighters and rescue workers to bash open doors, pry shit off other shit, and all around beat the hell out of stuff. And now you can own one. The 30" bar is available in alloy steel (10 lbs, $195) and titanium (5.25 lbs, $555) and is a must-have for anybody with any interest in surviving the zombie apocalypse. Just imagine a zombie's head on the end of that thing. Oh I'm sorry, did I just get you excited? Good, meet me in the janitor's closet in five. Now, don't get up as the same time as me, someone might get suspicious. Or, in The Superficial Writer's case, jealous. THERE WAS NO SPARK -- move on already.
Halligan Bar [cooltools]
Thanks to hayden, who once punched a zombie in the mouth so hard all its teeth fell out so hayden gathered them all up and put them under a pillow but the tooth fairy didn't come. What a sham!
Mar 5 2009 Wait, Where'd He Go?: Urban Camoflauge
There's a robot war to be fought, and regular camo simply won't do. Enter Urban Camouflage, a new kind of outwear that keeps you safe and hidden from a robot's lifeless stare. Urban camouflage comes in three different styles: boxes, bags, and, um, file folders or something. Hit the jump to see them all. Then make your own and practice hiding. LOOK OUT -- ROBOT BEHIND YOU! Haha -- not really, but I wanted you to realize the importance of the situation. Now go change your pants and make some camo.
Hit it for the rest and a link to a much larger gallery.
