Dec 31 2008 Eff 2008, Bring On 2009: Happy New Year!
Well folks, we survived another year. Amazing, I know. It's been one hell of a time, and I have every reason to believe 2009 is going to rock the track pants and Members Only jacket off 2008.
Happy New Year! See you in 2020! And by 2020 I mean after my Lasik surgery. HIYO!
Aug 12 2008 OMG, I Made It: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Many people think Geekologie is written by a computer preprogrammed with bad jokes or a bunch of fairies strung out on magic dust. Well, that isn't entirely true. You see, I came out of a vagina just like many of you did -- but haven't seen one since. Ladies, that was a birthday present hint. So yeah, I'm a year older today. But that's not gonna stop me from Geeking the ologie for all you lovely people! No way. In fact, I have a very special birthday surprise coming up in a few posts, which you will most certainly find worth celebrating. Also, seeing how my girlfriend will clearly forget today's significance, I was wondering if one of you could, I dunno, maybe pick up an ice cream cake?
Jul 9 2008 I Want: Bubble Wrap Calendar Is Popsome
The Bubble Calendar is a poster-sized calendar with a bubble to pop every day. They're available in vertical and horizontal models and measure 48" x 17.5" (or 17.5" x 48"!). The printed on paper version will set you back $30, but if you want it on a high quality plastic backing you'll have to pop $50. I think I want one, the only problem is I have no self control. The entire calendar would probably last a week. Now a condom calendar -- that'd last a while. And not because I live dangerously, but because I've never seen a vagina. Unless that blurry one I think I saw on the scrambled porno channel counts. Which, let's be honest, totally should. Haha, virgin no more!
Thanks Brendan, I rented a Moon Bounce for my party this weekend if you want to come over and try to pop it.
Mar 13 2008 Clock Runs Slow, Measures Time In Years
The Life Clock, by Betrand Planes, runs at 1/61,320 the speed of a regular clock. It measures time in years, with each number representing (in my case) 7 long years you've pissed away with a woman that makes you miserable. Not that it matters, because I doubt I'll even make it halfway around the damn thing. Hell, I may not even make it through the night if my girlfriend comes home and reads what I write about her online. Luckily I convinced her I work as a refrigerator repairman. Ha, she's so stupid she'll fall for anything. Oh, hi honey! Home early aren't you? Me? Slow day, no repairs this afternoon. Yeah, I'm just updating my Facebook page. You know, making sure it says I'm in a loving relationship with the woman of my dreams and all. She totally believes me, so gullible. Holy shit, you own a gun? Whoa, whoa let's be rational he--
UPDATE: Blonde female looking for a relationship. Recently (and violently) ended a 7-year run with a freaking loser that was blogging about me behind my back. He, in case you didn't know, had a Tic-Tac sized penis (despite what he may have told you). I'm tired of the guys everyone is talking about on the dating site famousrichguys.com and want a real man. Any takers have to help me bury a body first.
lifetime clock slows time to a crawl [technabob]
