Nov 20 2009 Takes All Kinds: Machete-Wielding Taco Thief
The latest in a string of taco-related violence, a masked marauder in Illinois held up another man at machete-point and demanded the poor chap's tacos. Admit it -- if you'd have had a machete you would have done the same thing!
Elgin Deputy Police Chief Jeff Swoboda says a local resident was walking back to his vehicle Sunday night after buying 16 tacos for $41 when a man wearing a black ski mask and a hooded sweat shirt ran up to him.
Swoboda says the masked man waved a machete and took the tacos, but nothing else. He then drove off in an older-model light green car.
Wait a minute -- $41 for 16 tacos? Those must be some good-ass tacos! Say, this gives me an idea. *rummaging through closet for ninja-sword* Ow, shit! Shit shit shit shit shit. Cut myself.
Machete-wielding man steals tacos [abcnews]
Thanks to Annie, who won't cut anyone for anything less than a burrito. *phew*
Nov 12 2009 Science-y!: Thermal Imaging Of A Toot
This is what a toot likes like under thermal imaging. Looks kind of like a ghost, don't you think? The ghost of dinners past! Get it?! Me neither. Also, I totally just made you stare at a man's ass. Women don't do that! Right? Women don't do that....right?
Thanks to Kelly, who thought it looked like musical notes.
Nov 12 2009 I'd Eat Them Both!: Pac-Man Can Art
Ever wonder what Pac-Man eating a ghost would look like constructed out of a shitload of tuna cans? Well now you do. The internet: it's magic, folks. These shots were taken at Canstruction, an annual food-and-drink can stacking event that I can't even believe exists. If there's a damn Canstruction you can bet your bottom diaper there should be a Geekologie-con. Somebody get on that. Somebody, anybody. Not me. And bring snacks booze. Wait, snacks too. Oh, AND YOU BETTER HAVE GOOD ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS. Kidding, anybody will do.
Hit the jump for two more.
Nov 5 2009 Shower With 3-D Wrap Around Touchscreen
Listen, I love standing in the shower watching full-length movies as much as the next water waster (which is why I just had a swimming pool sized hot water heater installed), but what's the matter with a traditional projection setup? I swear, people are always trying to one-up me. Too bad I know how to do that turtle shell trick in world 3-1 of the original Super Mario and can get unlimited one-ups. Suck it -- I will always out one-up you!
The Roca Waterdrop Shower Room surrounds you by a 3D touchscreen, allowing you to watch movies while you bathe. The touchscreen also allows you to control the temperature of the water and the intensity of the jets.
I mean, sure if you want to be tacky about it. I think we can all agree the touchscreen is a little much. I would have gone with voice-control. AND WHERE ARE THE LASER EXFOLIATORS? Cheapskates.
Oct 26 2009 What Could Go Wrong?: Razor Blade Soap
Razor blade soap is exactly what it sounds like, unless you thought it was razor blade shaped soap, in which case it's not. No, razor blade soap has an actual razor blade inside. A nice rusty one. But don't worry -- you'll bleed out well before the lockjaw sets in. Available for $7/bar, it makes the perfect gift for that special someone in the slammer. Alternatively, Polish roulette!
Razor Blade Soap Puts Your Nipples At Risk [nerdapproved]
Thanks to Closet Nerd, who once made soap with a revolver inside and shot himself in the butt. Use a wash cloth, bro.
Oct 22 2009 DO NOT WANT (To Pet): Chinese 'Cat Girl'
Normally I love making fun of other people's misfortune, but it's sad when it's a six year old girl. Hopefully this is fake though cause it's coming from The Sun. Although, this IS China we're talking about here, which is notorious for freaky cat shit.
Li Xiaoyuan, from Fengkai in southern China, had a small birthmark on her back just months ago, which has since grown to cover her entire back and parts of her arms and face, The Sun reports.
"None of the other children want to play with her, they are calling her cat-girl and are really mean."A surgeon at Zhaoqing City Dermalogical l Hospital in China's Guangdong province said Li Xiaoyuan may have a rare skin disease that makes normal moles run amok.
I swear, I can't stand it when moles run amok. You know what you need to do? Pour gasoline down all their holes then light that shit. BOOM! Woops -- must have found the gas line. Remember folks: call before you dig.
Chinese 'cat-girl' baffles doctors [ninemsn]
Thanks to Sam, Turtle Boy.
Oct 4 2009 Don't Tell The Robots!: Blood Powered Lamp
Awesome, a lamp powered by human blood. Because this will end well.
What if, every time you wanted to switch on a light, you had to bleed? Would you think twice before illuminating the room, and in turn, using up energy?
That's the idea behind the blood lamp, invented by Mike Thomspon, an English designer based in The Netherlands. The lamp contains luminol - the same chemical forensic scientists use to check for traces of blood at a crime scence. Luminol reacts with the iron in red blood cells and creates a bright blue glow. To use the lamp, you first need to mix in an activating powder. Then, you break the glass, cut yourself, and drip blood into the opening.
And this, my friends, is how our robotic overlords will read their Kindles at night. And I'll be damned if I become some robot's lamp juice. You hear me?! You will never take my blood! Quick, Edward, bite me! DO IT NOW, NANCY! *swoon* God I love your hair.
Lamp Runs On Human Blood [livescience]
Thanks to Dustin, who has never kissed a vampire (he didn't like).
Sep 15 2009 In The Land Of The Blind, The Man With One Eye Is King: Ridiculous Cyclops Sunglasses
I don't wear sunglasses because I like squinting, but for those of you that do, and only have one giant eye, maybe these new Martin Margiela sunglasses are for you. Sure they look like a giant windshield and cost $570, but that's a small price to pay for looking like a giant Miami douche-hydrant, am I right? Of course I am. Unless we're talking about handed, in which case I'm left. Speaking of which -- remember that no child left behind program? It's a lie (my parents abandoned me at a water park).
Martin Margiela Sunglasses [likecool]
Thanks to naas, who doesn't wear sunglasses BECAUSE HE OPTS FOR DUAL EYE PATCHES. Damn yeah, matey!
Sep 9 2009 Sticking It To The Man: Guy Dons Monkey Mask To Avoid Paying Speeding Fines
Guys, I know I said I'd have the haiku graded by last night, but I still have 200 to go. Then, I have to choose 4 out of the top 100 I've pulled aside. I WILL DO IT TONIGHT, I PRETTY PRETTY PROMISE. That said, some jackass is speeding around Phoenix, AZ wearing a monkey mask to avoid paying speeding-camera fines. To date, he's already been sent 37 tickets.
"Not one of them there is a picture where you can identify the driver," said Dave Vontesmar, a flight attendant who works at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. "The ball's in their court. I sent back all these ones I got with a copy of my driver's license and said, 'It's not me. I'm not paying them.' "
"We watched him four different times put the monkey mask on and put the giraffe-style mask on," Officer Dave Porter told AZcentral.com. "Based on surveillance, we were positive that Vontesmar was the driver.""It's obviously a revenue grab," he said of the new photo-enforcement program. "They're required by law to ID the driver of the vehicle. If they can't identify the driver or the vehicle by the picture, what are they doing to identify the driver?"
Really -- monkey and giraffe masks? Save 'em for the bedroom, Dave.
Man Dons Mask for Speed-Camera Photos [aolnews]
Thanks to Pat, who only drives in style -- on the sidewalk with a grocery bag on his head.
Sep 4 2009 Gyro Kid's Bowl Makes Spilling More Difficult
Let's face it: kids were born to make your life a living hell and wreak havoc on your house and mental health whenever possible (note: this is all speculation, I don't actually have any kids. ANYMORE -- they're all growed up!). So why not minimize the damage the little imps can do to your kitchen with a $10 Gyro Toddler Food Bowl? "No matter which way the handles of this bowl are turned, the food in the middle stays upright." Awesome. Wait -- is that caramel corn? TODDLERS DON'T EAT CARAMEL CORN!! What are you, trying to kill the little bastard? Cause you know they fetch a pretty penny on the black market. I mean, I'VE HEARD. Firsthand (meet me behind the Dollar General).
Aug 4 2009 Goodbye Cruel World: Snuggies For Dogs
Snuggies for dogs. Or, "Why the Geekologie Writer had a staring match with an oncoming train and lost on purpose." $15 plus $8 shipping gets you a dog Snuggie, a recordable dog tag, and a complete loss of respect for your dog. Just pay additional shipping and you'll get two of each! Act now and I'll even knee you in the genitals -- FREE! And you will like it. YES SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER? You may!
Thanks to David, who loves his dog too much to do this to it. Right, David? RIGHT?!
Aug 3 2009 Candle Melter Makes New Candles From Old
The Candle Quick is a glorified stove pot that melts pre-burnt candles to make new ones. Melt multiple candles together for unique smell combinations! Including, and virtually limited to: complete stinking ass! The Candle Quick costs $25 and, despite what the picture would have you believe, is best used WHILE PAYING ATTENTION. I can already hear the fire trucks from here.
Recycling candles is what this economy has brought us to [dvice]
Jun 30 2009 Miss You: The Pirate Bay Has Been Sold
The Pirate Bay, one of the world's best known torrent search portals, is being sold to some Swedish firm. It will no longer be so piratey.
Global Gaming Factory X AB, a Swedish firm that runs Internet cafes and game centers, plans to buy The Pirate Bay for 60 million kronor (~$8 million), twice the fine that was slapped on The Pirate Bay defendants by a Stockholm court earlier this year....the new owners plan to make it a legal service that allows "content providers and copyright owners [to] get paid for content that is downloaded via the site."
"Legal service"...."paid for content"....they better change the name.
Pirate Bay sold, to become more like Carnival Cruise Lines [arstechnica]
Thanks to Thumperchica and Zombie Pirate LeChuck, who agrees this isn't even Disney Pirate's Bay any more.
Jun 22 2009 Robot Train Goes Rogue, Kills Track Inspector
An unmanned computerized train car in Miami allegedly ran over an employee while he was inspecting the tracks of the Metromover rail system. Uh-oh.
The accident happened Saturday. The computerized vehicle, which is not driven by a conductor, was stopped, but moved forward for an unknown reason.
Unknown reason, huh? How about THAT ROBOT TRAIN IS A BLOODTHIRSTY KILLER?! *ringing bell* The apocalypse, it's here! Quick -- to the bunker! Bring snakes! SNACKS, I MEANT SNACKS GO GO GO GO
Florida Man Killed By Computerized Vehicle While Inspecting Tracks [foxnews]
Thanks to Matt, holliebean, D.M., Jeff, Nathaniel, renegade and Joel, who I WASN'T KIDDING RUN RUN RUN!
Jun 1 2009 Still A Virgin: Sale Of Purity Falls Through
Remember that 22-year old chick that was auctioning off her virginity? Well the winning $3.8 million was placed by an Australian real estate mogul. Unfortunately, he's bailing out of the deal. Why? His wife won't let him do it!
Natalie Dylan (not her real name) admitted the deal had fallen through.
Last week, she got a phone call from the rogue Romeo, a 38-year-old Australian real-estate businessman, who said he had to back out."I told him to go back into marriage therapy," sniped Dylan.
The Aussie cad then sheepishly asked for his $250,000 deposit back. Dylan said no hard feelings; it would be returned.
That's just like a wife to go and not let her husband bang some 22-year old virgin. I swear, women.
'DEFLOWER DEAL' GUY PULLS OUT [nypost]
Thanks to 42 y/o undead warlock, who doesn't have to pay for sex because he creates busty nymphs with his undead warlock powers. Oh oh, make me one!
May 29 2009 Fried Footwear: Mmmm, Bacon Loafers
These are bacon loafers by Keds. They are fully customizable by choosing different colors for the thread, elastic, midsole, etc., and will set you back $60 (I made these ones as bacon-y as possible and if you argue that I should have made the elastic red instead of pink you're wrong, pink is the color of raw bacon and I love it). Unfortunately, it appears they're only available in women's sizes (because women love sizzling meat -- am I right, girls?), which is a problem seeing how I'm a size 12 *wink*. Long story short, I'm sawing all my toes off.
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need to buy a woman bacon shoes to get his meat around her feet. YOW YOW!
May 12 2009 $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games
Looking to blow $2,500 on something that's bound to get all scuffed up and smell funky within a few months? Cool, buy me one of those masturbation machines. Or these shoes.
These are an exclusive pair...only one of its kind. Patent leather back with embedded fiber optic wiring in the shape of the XBOX logo. Battery placement is in the tongue as well as on and off switch that has 2 settings: Strobe or Constant light functions. Gradient lime swoosh faded to black. The toe is painted in a surreal Tiger Camouflage with accents of lime and bright green. These are a men's size 11.
$2,500 for a pair of sneakers? For that kind of money I was at least expecting them to play Halo. Yeah, and have speakers so I can hear all the penisless pre-pubescent boys telling me what a homosexual African American I am.
Hit the jump for several more shots including the fiber optics in action.
Continue Reading " $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games "
May 5 2009 Spike Chair Is Ultra-Scary, Not Worth The Risk
You see that chair? Yeah, well imagine it with no glass seat and being lowered upon its spike with ropes. Did that just make your ass cry big brown tears of sadness? Because it should have. Known as the Judas Chair, the stool was used as a torture device back in the day (possibly by the Spanish Inquisition). Thank God we live in a tortureless society now, huh? Wait, what? Shit. :/
This take on the old classic was created by Russian designer Ton Guglya. Wow, I think I can safely say I'd rather stand. And this coming from a guy who once shared an overturned bar stool with three friends. Just sayin' -- reduce, reuse, recycle. Go green!
Stake Chair Makes My Delicate Parts Quiver in Terror [gizmodo]
May 1 2009 Don't Buy .tv Domain Names, Island Is Sinking
If you try to register a website with a .tv domain (country code for Tuvalu) from Godaddy, a pop-up warns you that the island is sinking and recommends you reconsider. I have no idea what this has to do with anything, just thought I'd pass it along in case you were in the market. And not just because I get a cut of all .gw domains registered, but I do. Guinea-Bissau: where the internet happens. Impressed? You should be, I came up with that slogan all by myself. Geekologie: where geniusness happens. Oh shit -- I just did it again!
Godaddy: Don't Buy dot-TV Domains, The Island is Sinking. [boingboing]
Thanks to Chris, who started a petition to create .crs domains, but the idea was shot down by an old World War II fighter plane.
Apr 24 2009 Bra Deflects Bullet, Saves Woman's Life
A Detroit woman's life was saved when a shot fired at her was deflected by the underwire in her bra, leaving her with only minor injuries.
The woman, who lives on the west side of Detroit, had seen the youths breaking into the house next door while her neighbour was away. Police believe one of the gang saw her looking out of the window and fired at her.
The suspects then drove away after the shooting.Local police Sgt Eren Stephens Bell told the Detroit News: "We need to get some bulletproof vests made from that. It is some strong wire."
Yeah you do, Sergeant. You need bulletproof vests made from the underwire in a 57-year old's bra. Because I'm sure the lingerie company doesn't just buy used coat hangers from the nearest dry cleaner. But they do. That's exactly what they do.
Bullet bounces off US woman's bra [bbcnews]
Thanks to Flash Dave, Chuck Nunchuck, and JMR, who only recommend women wear bras when in fear of being shot.
