Nov 20 2009 Creepy Robot Stares At You So You Exercise

How would you like this creepy little bastard staring at your ass when you're performing squats? Or maybe holding your feet while you do crunches? Or maybe you've got to be out of your got-damn mind!

Bandit is helping the University of Southern California Center for Robotics and Embedded Systems conduct a study on exercise training. 70 volunteers of all ages (including 20 people aged 60 or older living in retirement homes) will have either Bandit himself or Bandit on video as a trainer, and the researchers will try to figure out if the physical presence of the robot makes a difference.

That's right, they named him Bandit. As in, "Give me all your internal organs!" Listen, you want me to tell you whether a robot's presence helps you lose weight? It does -- and I'll prove it. SEND IN THE ROOMBA! *Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!* There, I feel four pounds lighter already. Oh, and I'm not cleaning that shit up either.

Video of the little jerkbag after the jump.

Continue Reading " Creepy Robot Stares At You So You Exercise "

Nov 14 2009 Mario And Luigi Rob Cab Driver In New York

Mario and Luigi, best known for plunging shitters and trying to save the Princess from the evil clutches of Bowser, have turned to a life of crime. Specifically, robbing cab drivers. What's the Mushroom Kingdom coming to?!

At around 4 a.m. on November 1, presumably following a Halloween party, a Staten Island cab driver was assaulted and robbed by four men. It being Halloween, it may have been difficult for the victim to describe the assailants, but two of the men were wearing unmistakable costumes - Mario and Luigi.

A surveillance video, which can be viewed on the NYDailyNews, shows two men dressed as Mario and Luigi wrestling a cabbie for his cash while a third man dressed in a tuxedo stood watch.

Anybody with information about the true identities of the two has-been heroes should contact Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom. Oh, and tell her the GW sent you. She doesn't know who I am, and I want you to look stupid.

Men Diguised as Mario and Luigi Rob Cab Driver [tomsguide]

Thanks to Brian, Aron, wes, Cyke101 and sham, who only cosplay for good.

Nov 13 2009 Free Willy!: Whale Penis Leather Interior Dropped As Option On Luxury SUV's

Remember the Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored cars we reported on last month? You know, the ones that came with a 'whale penis leather interior' option? Ha, how could you forget? -- you called the company to find out if you could just buy seats. Well, after many complaints from whale-loving organizations like Greenpeace, the WWF and PETA, the company has decided to drop the option. Per their absolutely terrible press release. And I mean terrible:

We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. [...] All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBalt).

We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that's why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: "Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don't Earth fall down to Ocean!

I can only assume that's just a horrible, horrible translation job. Because if not, this is the last car I'd ever want to drive. You can't even put a sentence together, how am I supposed to trust your air bags?! *POOF!* Elephant scrotum, nice.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the most whale-hating-est vehicles in the world.

Continue Reading " Free Willy!: Whale Penis Leather Interior Dropped As Option On Luxury SUV's "

Nov 12 2009 Science-y!: Thermal Imaging Of A Toot

This is what a toot likes like under thermal imaging. Looks kind of like a ghost, don't you think? The ghost of dinners past! Get it?! Me neither. Also, I totally just made you stare at a man's ass. Women don't do that! Right? Women don't do that....right?

Picture

Thanks to Kelly, who thought it looked like musical notes.

Nov 11 2009 That....Sounds Dangerous -- I Must Try It!

This is a 9-second video of an evil mad scientist pouring liquid nitrogen in his mouth and blowing out vapor. Why? Because he's mad, yo! Even worse than that tea-loving mother with the big hat.

Though it may look like this scientist is actually drinking the liquid nitrogen, he says that with a bit of practice, "it is easy not to swallow liquid nitrogen and make cool condensed vapor come out of the nostrils."

I would have drank it. I would have drank it and asked for another one. Bartender, another cold one. No, another REAAALLY cold one. You catch my drift? I'm talking about liquid nitrogen. And I want two of those little umbrellas and a plastic cutlass with cherries AND YOU BETTER NOT CHARGE ME FOR THEM. Now, get ready to call the paramedics.

How Scientists Chill Out [techeblog]

Thanks to naas, who once drank liquid gasoline trying to siphon my gas tank. That's what you get!

Nov 9 2009 Woman Passes Driving Test On 950th Try

A 68-year old South Korean woman just passed the written part of her driving test on the 950th try. God that's scary.

After four years of trying, 68-year-old Cha Sa-soon finally managed to secure the 60 out of 100 points needed to pass the test. The grandmother has spent more than 5m won ($4,200, £2,600) on application fees for the test.

Mrs Cha had been trying to pass it since 13 April 2005, the Korea Times reported.

Speaking in February - after her 775th failure - Mrs Cha had appeared undaunted. "I believe you can achieve your goal if you persistently pursue it," she told Reuters news agency. "So don't give up your dream, like me. Be strong and do your best."

First of all, anybody who takes 950 tries to pass a 50 question multiple choice test should be banned from driving. And secondly, so should all women. Am I right? No? Just sexist? Oh.

Woman passes 950th driving test [bbcnews]

Thanks to twellve, who passed her driving test the first time. Nice, twellve, so did I. Well, on the third first time.

Nov 4 2009 The Airshake: Because Nobody Wants H1-N1

First of all, I thought we all agreed to call it H1N1 or the swine flu and NOT the Mexican Flu. Geez, no need to point fingers. Obvious racism aside, Belgian telecommunications company Telenet has suggested a way to shake hands in which we can still greet each other, but without actually making human contact: the airshake.

"...we desperately need a new way of greeting each other, since greeting is the cornerstone of our social and political life. It's a sign of mutual respect, friendship and equality. As of today we propose to replace the firm handshake by an airshake, that's a handshake without touching one another. So concerned are they, they even created a short video demonstration with Jarabe Tapatio--aka the Mexican Hat Dance--as the soundtrack.

That's right, they used the Mexican Hat Dance. Are all Belgians this racist? Because I will boycott their waffles. It won't be easy but I'll do it.

Hit the jump for a short video demonstration on airshaking.

Continue Reading " The Airshake: Because Nobody Wants H1-N1 "

Nov 2 2009 Great: MIT Developing Dashboard Death Bots

MIT, a school best known for not accepting me despite two super-sweet essays and several threatening phone calls, is now developing a robot companion for drivers. Why? Because we need more distractions in the car.

AIDA (Affective Intelligent Driving Agent) communicates with the driver via a small, sociable robot built into the dashboard. The idea is to develop an informed and friendly passenger, the buddy perpetually riding shotgun who aside from reading the map and helping with navigation, acts as a companion. As such, AIDA is being developed to read drivers' moods via their facial expressions and other cues (hand gestures?) and respond to them in the proper social context. It communicates back in very human ways as well: with a smile, the blink of an eye, the drooping of its head.

AIDA analyzes the driver's mobility patterns, common routes and destinations, and driving habits. It then merges its knowledge of the driver with its knowledge of the city around it, mashing up the drivers priorities and needs with real-time information on everything from tourist attractions to environmental conditions to commercial activity to help the driver make better decisions.

Yeah, but can he take the wheel? Because what good is a robot in the car if it can't drive you home? I don't need a friend in the car THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TEXTING, am I right? No, I'm dead wrong. Literally: DEAD. WRONG. Don't text and drive.

This message brought to you by the GW and everyone else who agrees that you already suck at driving bad enough without another distraction.

MIT Introduces a Friendly Robot Companion For Your Dashboard [popsci]

Thanks to Jeff, tom and Kristi, who just get lost and play 'I Spy' with themselves in the car like normal people.

Oct 30 2009 Pass: Microwaved Wii For Sale On eBay

Some guy is a selling a Wii he microwaved on eBay as a piece of art. It is one of the worst pieces of art I have ever seen. Did you hear that? That was Matisse falling out of his wheelchair in heaven.

For $5,998 on eBay, you could purchase a Microwaved Wii, which was "created through the unique art of microwaving by one of the most prominent entertainers and artists on the web."

"Kenny Irwin originals are projected to only increase in value as a collectors items and museums and media take notice of the world renowned art by Kenny Irwin that is unlike anything the world has seen before."

Wow, self promote much? Don't get me wrong, I do a lot of shameless self promotion myself, but that's only cause IF I DIDN'T I DIDN'T I'D THROW MYSELF IN A VOLCANO. *sniiiiiif* God I need a hug. And more airplane glue.

7:00 video of the whole process after the jump. I made it to 2:13.

Continue Reading " Pass: Microwaved Wii For Sale On eBay "

Oct 26 2009 If You Can Watch This And Not Be Freaked Out There Is Something Wrong With You

Boston Dynamics (my arch nemesis) is at it again, this time with PETMAN, a bipedal walking robot, who, despite its name, actually hates all living creatures.

Biped robot the balances dynamically using a human-like walking motion. It is a close relative to BigDog, sharing elements of the mechanical design and control.

PETMAN is an anthropomorphic robot for testing chemical protection clothing used by the US Army. Unlike previous suit testers, which had to be supported mechanically and had a limited repertoire of motion, PETMAN will balance itself and move freely; walking, crawling and doing a variety of suit-stressing calisthenics during exposure to chemical warfare agents. PETMAN will also simulate human physiology within the protective suit by controlling temperature, humidity and sweating when necessary, all to provide realistic test conditions.

Just watch and tell me that's not scary. Especially how it catches itself after being pushed at 0:25. I swear, you mount a couple machine guns on this thing, and presto, you've got yourself a real-life Terminator. Listen, Army -- you really want something to test your chemical protection suits on? I've got a whole neighborhood full of people I don't like. You think about it, I'll start marking doors.

Boston Dynamic
and
Youtube

Thanks to Tobyraider, who knows the only good walking robot is one who can't walk and isn't a robot.

Oct 24 2009 Wow, No: Guy On Craigslist Seeks Amputee For Halloween Costume

Some guy on Craigslist posted an ad seeking a double amputee (no legs) in order to complete his 'Chewbacca carrying a half assembled C-3PO' Halloween costume. In case you can't read the ad above:

So this might seem strange and really offensive to some but hopefully someone will reply. I have always loved the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Chewbacca has to carry around a half reconstructed C3PO in a backpack because he hasn't reattached his lower body yet. For Halloween I would love to dress up like this. I am big enough and strong enough to both pull off the Chewbacca look and to carry around a lot of weight for the night. So basically I am looking for a double amputee (somebody missing both legs - preferably at the hip) to accompany me as C3PO for the evening. We should probably meet ahead of time so that we can work out the backpack/harness system. There are a few parties that I want to hit and I think we will be the hit of any event we attend. Anyone up for this?

So do you think there's like a special hell for people like this or do they go to the regular one? Because this sounds like a Hell 2 kind of situation to me.

amputee-halloween-costume-craigslist ad [filmdrunk]

Thanks to Coby, Tom, Blastphemer and Spoonman, who don't need human props for their Halloween costumes.

Oct 20 2009 Scientists Want to Develop Robotic Cheetah To Chase You Down, Dine On Your Carcass

Because life is progressively becoming a series of nightmares, scientists want to develop a robot that mimics the movement of a cheetah so they can chase us down and maul us to death. Why did I even get out of bed this morning? Oh, right. Well why did I even wake up this morning?

Professor Sangbae Kim designer of the Stickybot and a Robotic designer at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Is trying to understand how he can replicate natural animal mechanisms by creating a robot inspired by the cheetah.

The idea is to build a prototype robot from a construction of lightweight carbon-fiber-foam that will then be able to match the cheetah's speed of 70 miles per hour.

Over the next 18 months, Kim and four other MIT graduate students are going to start constructing the prototypes. Starting with a computer model of the robotic cheetah to establish the optimal limb length, weight, gait and torque of the hip and knee joints.

It's an ambitious project. Current wheeled robots are efficient, but can be slow in rough terrains. For instance, iRobot's PackBot, which is used by the U.S. military, can only travel at speeds of up to 5.8 miles per hour.

I'm sure this seemed like a good idea to somebody at some point, but it's not. Like I don't have enough to worry about without a 70 MPH cheetah-bot running around. Also, like four children. And you wonder why daddy drinks in bed all day!

Cheetah Inspired Robot [geekygadgets]

Thanks to Excaliber, who I will use to slice through these bastards like room temperature butter.

Oct 19 2009 Luxury SUVs: Now With Whale Penis Interiors

Italian leather is okay, but you haven't experienced luxury until you've peeled yourself from whale penis leather on a hot day. And now you can thanks to the $1.6 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored car! Also, penis leather is fundamentally wrong.

The leather is not the only tacky accessory on the Prombron, which Dartz claims is the world's most expensive SUV.

The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating.

The car also comes with three bottles of the world's most expensive Vodka, RussoBaltique, although the website does warn prospective buyers not to drink and drive.

Dartz's armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are "rocket grenade-proof" according to the website.

For those wondering just how may whales may need to be harvested to outfit the special edition, the answer is not many. The penis of the Blue Whale, for example, can grow up to 2.4 metres.

Yeah, no. If I catch anybody with one of these you can rest assured I'm stealing your windows, exhaust, instrument panel and vodka. AND I MAY RUB MY FACE ALL OVER YOUR SEATS.

The 4WD with seats made of whale penis [sydneymorningherald]

Thanks to Russell and Dan the man, who both drive unicorn penises.

Oct 14 2009 Pop It Like A Beach Ball!: Shape Shifting Bot

iRobot, a diabolical company best known for convincing millions of housewives to allow rug-munching robots into their homes, has now developed an air-filled shape-shifting robot that will climb into your bed and smother you while you sleep.

Unveiled at the International Conference on Intelligent Robots and Systems (IROS) yesterday, this palm-sized troublemaker is being billed as "the first demonstration of a completely soft, mobile robot using jamming as an enabling technology." The "jamming" in question is something called "jamming skin enabled locomotion," which traps air and a collection of loosely packed particles in a package made of silicon rubber. When air is removed from the pocket, the silicon restricts and seems to solidify. The robot consists of several of these pockets, which can be inflated or deflated separately, giving the device the ability to perform simple actions.

The first part of the video explains how the technology works, but the actual bot-test begins around 1:50. Sure, it may look like a harmless beach ball, but do you know how many people drown each year trying to retrieve beach balls that have been swept out to sea? Now multiply that by every single person on earth and you have an idea of this thing's killing potential.

iRobot shape-shifting ChemBot is back, and it's bad [engadget]

Thanks to JKirchartz, hayden, NF, Michael, Tuggis, matt and We'llmissyoujehudah, who vow to pop every last one of these things with fiery arrows. Good looking, guys, but you might wanna brush up on your archery.

Oct 12 2009 WTF Is That?!?: A Frozen Blood Head

Let's cut right to the questionable chase: this is a sculpture (or mold) of artist Marc Quinn's head made from 4.5 liters of his own frozen blood. Really gets you in that Halloween spirit, doesn't it? No, not so much.

The blood is taken from this own body over a period of five months. The work is then repeated every five years to establish a unique record of the artist aging.

Now I'm not here to judge art, but that seems pretty sick. Plus, what if the power goes out on your freezer while you're away on vacation? How do you explain the 4.5 liter bloodstain in your garage? You hunt deer. That was a freebie -- next time, you owe me.

Creepy And Disgusting "Self" Art By Equally Creepy Artist Marc Quinn [youbentmywookie]

Thanks to eric, who once made a head out of frozen orange juice concentrate. It was delicious.

Oct 8 2009 More Sprinkles!: Custom $25K Cupcake Cars

These are three examples of custom cupcake cars that Neimen Marcus is selling for Christmas this year. Each cake will set you back $25K, but makes the perfect gift for the Lollypop Guild member on your list who has everything. Plus, they come with matching hats!

Put on your matching hat, slip under the muffin top of your Cupcake Car, and let the world figure itself out for awhile. Get (or give) the sheer, joyful chaos of a gift that is mind-blowing, triple-dog-dare, double-infinity forever cool. Make the kids or grandkids literally squeal with joy. Bring it to work and buzz the breakroom. Crash parades! Putter about the 'hood. Ever had a crowd of kids chasing after you just for the crazy gleeful heck of it? (No worries, the top speed is a comfy-safe 7 mph.) What's it made of? A 24-volt electric motor, a heavy-duty battery, sheet metal, wire, fabric, wood...and mad genius. Launched at Burning Man as a cooperative art car project, the Cupcake Car sprang from the fevered mind of Bay Area artist Lisa Pongrace and her less-rules-more-laughs posse of artists and techno geeks. Yours will be tricked out with your favorite topping, so start thinking flavors.

Yeah, if I ever see a cupcake driving down the sidewalk I'm swearing off drugs forever. Except alcohol. Which, fun fact: I'm petitioning to be included in the food pyramid. STOP FIGHTING IT, FDA!

$25,000 'Cupcake Car' comes with a matching hat [dvice]

Sep 30 2009 Bad Idea: American Girl Makes Homeless Doll

You see that doll there? Her name's Gwen, and she's the latest release from the American Girl company. Plus, she's homeless. WTF!? Where's her 1991 Chicago Bull's NBA Championship shirt and mix-matched shoes?

For $95 -- more than your average homeless person would dream of spending on a rather mediocre baby substitute -- Gwen Thompson can be yours. A mixed message if ever there was one.

In the history books that come with every American Girl doll -- bringing to life these little monsters until impressionable little ones believe they are actual people -- you learn that Gwen's father walked out on the family. Her mother lost her job.

As the little kiddies learn to read about this doll as if she's a human being, one learns that, as fall turned into winter, Gwen's mom lost her grip.

Mother and daughter started bedding down in a car.

JESUS. Where's the part about her mom turning tricks in the backseat of that Buick in order to afford Gwen's dress? Just saying, those things don't grow on street lamps. And, as a guy who's no stranger to "bedding down" in the back of a car, trust me: they never really have free candy.

'Homeless' doll costs $95 (hairstyling extra) [nypost]

Thanks to Kristin, who once bought a heroin-addict doll but returned it when she found out it came with real used needles.

Sep 14 2009 Norwegian Viking Man Changes Name To Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov

The beast seen here, best known for once sinking a rival Viking's ship with a single whip of his fiery mullet, has changed his name. He used to be Andreas Jankov. But nooooow he's Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov. You've got to admit: it does have a ring to it.

"I wanted to show that it is possible to be serious and at the same time take the name you like," said the film enthusiast. "I wanted to see how far I could take it with respect to the number of names. I started thinking about this three years ago and it was approved in January this year."

Thanks to our commenters, we've been able to break down the name:

- Julius is an homage to the famous chimp at the Kristiansand Zoo
- 'Arn' is a Swedish knight movie
- Elessar and Gimli are from 'Lord of the Rings'
- 'MacGyver', just the greatest Richard Dean Anderson show ever!
- 'Highlander' could refer to either the movie or TV show
- Chewbacka (aka Chewbacca) is from 'Star Wars'

Can you guess the name that doesn't belong? Me neither. I loved 'Lord of the Rings'!

Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov: Norway's Longest Name? [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to TT likes little boys and Steve, who named their sons Sue to make them tough.

Sep 10 2009 Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me

This is a excerpt from a Facebook conversation (hit the jump to read the rest) between some crazy old lady and who she believes to be her son, but isn't. I have no idea whether it's fake or not (I don't think it is), but that's not the point. The point is that this a perfect example of why older parents shouldn't be allowed to operate computers (or motor vehicles, unless they're driving me to the mall with my friends). And I'm not just saying that because my stepfather walked in to use the computer during one of my more risque webcam shows, but he did. And started dancing. Yeah, it was awkward. But only in the beginning.

Hit the jump for the rest of the conversation.

Continue Reading " Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me "

Sep 8 2009 Robotic Bear Will Kill You In The Hospital

This is a promotional video for RIKEN's RIBA, a robotic pedo-bear that was designed to pick hospital patients up out of their beds and discreetly crush their genitals. Yeah, no thanks. Oh, and don't let the Whinny the Pooh music in the video fool you, this robo-bear would maul your whole damn face off and wear it like a mask for a single pot of oil. Don't believe me? Ask Piglet.

Couldn't find him, could you? Draw your own conclusions.*

*Tigger and I roasted that delicious son of a bitch.

Youtube

Thanks to ANON, who once got Pooh so high he ate like forty jars of honey and then tried to rob a hive at gunpoint.