Jun 24 2009 Yikes!: How To Make Gundam Even Scarier

Like this. Just look at those hands *shivers*. That's not Gundam, that's Gunmadam. Happy ending: DO NOT WANT.

Hit the jump for an action pose.

Continue Reading " Yikes!: How To Make Gundam Even Scarier "

Apr 25 2009 Bear Grylls Drinks Elephant Dung Juice

This video is like two years old so if you've seen it, congratulations, free Geekologie bumper sticker. Just leave an 'OLD' and your bank account info in the comments and I'll have it transferred first thing Monday morning. Anyway, did you know that in an emergency situation you can drink the juice out of elephant shit? No, because you'd rather die. And I'd imagine puking afterward would probably end up doing more harm than good. But Bear Grylls is all man. Also, I love how a piece of shit almost falls in his mouth at 0:34, classic.

Youtube

Thanks to Tim, who tried it with baby shit and *HORF*

Feb 10 2009 It's About Time: How To Convert Your Natural Joystick Into A Functional Atari Controller

NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT A GUY TREATING HIS JUNK LIKE AN ATARI JOYSTICK.

Wow, I've seen it all now. And, quite frankly, I'm surprised I didn't see it earlier.

(The Joydick is) a wearable haptic device for controlling video gameplay based on realtime male masturbation. Through the use of a carefully designed strap-on interface, the user's penis is converted into a joystick capable of moving the character onscreen in all four cardinal directions. For games requiring the fire button, a separate ring can be worn which converts hand-strokes into button presses.

Super, so it can move in all four cardinal directions -- but what about the hummingbird directions, huh? I've heard they can fly backwards. BOOM! That was your head exploding from my profoundness. Take the rest of the day off, GW's orders.

Joydick Atari game controller [boingboing]

Thanks to Amanda, Praveen and Stirling, who don't need this because they have the power to enter video games and have sex with the actual characters. Joust, baby, Joust.

Jan 30 2009 Highly Questionable: The Bacon Brassiere

I don't get it: I love bacon, and I love boobs, but something about this image made me want to hide under the bed and weep into my Pokemon blanket.

Hit the jump for the uncensored version, which may or may not be suitable for work depending on your employer's policy on delicious bras.

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Jan 7 2009 Robot Is Stolen, Don't Look At Me *whistling*

Somebody went and stole a robot! Can you believe it? That's just wrong! I am outraged.

The Washington County (Oregon) Sheriff's Office said physics professor Erik Sanchez reported the theft Monday.

He said he felt sick Sunday and mistakenly left his sport utility vehicle unlocked overnight with the robot inside outside his home in the 6000 block of S.W. 205th Ave. in Aloha.

The robot is 29 inches long, 19 inches high and about 23 inches wide. It is valued at $5,000 and was donated to Sanchez by the manufacturer, Parallax Incorporated, for use as a teaching tool in one of his classes. The robot is called the "Propeller Quadrover," and it is strong enough to pull a pickup truck.

What in the hell is the matter with people? Who steals a physics professor's robot? Hey, why are you looking at me like that? No, you can't take a look around my garage. WAIT, STOP! Uh, uh-oh -- I've never seen that thing before in my life!

Search is on for valuable missing robot [katu]

Thanks to Nolan, who straight up accused me of stealing that bitch.

Oct 24 2008 I've Seen It All Now: Freaky Star Wars Porn

This is some freaky-deaky Star Wars porn by an artist named Miravi. This is the tamest picture I could find, so you can imagine what some of the other stuff is like. Think fully nude hardcore shit that'll burn your corneas out (I can type by touch). So, yeah. There are two more pictures after the jump, and a link to the gallery, which is WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY NSFW. You hear me? You will be fired before you can tell the IT guy "I thought I was being Rick Rolled, I swear!" And on top of being unemployed, you'll be branded perv of the year. But seriously, if anybody actually uses these pictures to, you know, PEW PEW!, make sure to leave a comment so we can all make fun of you. Wait -- actually, don't.

Hit it pervert.

Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Freaky Star Wars Porn "

Aug 18 2008 Man Humps Steel Bench, Almost Loses Junk

I have no idea what some of you tipsters' obsession is with guys getting their junk stuck in things, but it's borderline disturbing (just kidding, it's totally rad). But here goes: Xing, a 41-year old man, was wandering through LanTian park in Hong Kong late one night when he thought to himself, "I should stick my penis in a steel park bench, you know, for the Olympics." And that's what he did. Unfortunately, mid-coitus Xing realized he was stuck and called the police using his cell phone.

When police arrived, Xing was moaning in pain and stuck face down to the bench. They tried several penis-liberating options (including taking blood) before sawing the entire bench off and taking it to the hospital. 4 hours later Xing had his penis back, sans giant metal bench attachment. Good thing too, because doctors said one hour longer and they would have chopped his member off. Oh man, this reminds me of the time I made love to a hole in a tree during a camping trip. Hello woodpecker nest! Seriously, I pee out the side of my penis now.

Hit the jump for two more pictures of Xing and a video news report. Warning: lots of painful moaning. Lots. A lot, a lot. Tons. Never heard so much painful moaning. Also, added another link to a story about a guy that had sex with the umbrella hole of his picnic table so often that his neighbor finally filmed it and called the police. You're welcome.

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Jun 9 2008 Putter Pisser: Relieve Yourself Discreetly

I always thought when you were out on the links and had to pee you yelled 'Fore!' and pissed in a bunker or on a tree. Well apparently that's not kosher and you need a UroClub (Putter Pisser sounds better) urine collection device. I'm not so sure what's so discreet about pissing down the shaft of a fake golf club, but whatever.

Just place an inconspicuous towel over your junk, unscrew the cap of the club disguised to look like a 7-iron, and whiz away--up to half a liter. When you're done, stick the leak-proof club back in your bag and take your next shot.

The questionable device costs $50 and doesn't hold enough if you've been following the rules of golf and drinking the whole game. And that's why I'll be sticking to the sand traps. They typically provide good cover, and you can even drop some kids off at the beach if you have to. But remember: if you do, stay classy and cover them up like a cat does.

UroClub Lets Golfers Go Pee-Pee in Public [gizmodo]

Thanks Chris, and remind me to never shake your hand

Jun 4 2008 UPDATE: Freaking Brilliant: A Subway Pole Dancer

In public transportation news, police in Bucharest, Romania are looking for some chick that performs pole dances on the city's subway between stations and then uses AN EMPTY KFC BUCKET to ask for donations. That's actually her in the picture (that looks like it was taken with a pinhole-cameraphone through a paper bag).

Passengers described the dancer, photographed by a passenger's mobile phone, as a "well-dressed, attractive, student-like young woman".

Her modus operandi is to play Tom Jones's You Can Leave Your Hat On on a portable CD player while taking off her clothes and dancing around a pole.

One passenger, George Stancu, who witnessed the act, said: "I can't say I didn't like the show but I found it unusual. There are lots of kids who travel by underground and I just don't think it's proper."

A police spokesman said the woman faced charges and a fine for indecent exposure and public begging if she is caught in the act.

Indecent exposure? That's probably the only decent exposure those people have seen in years. I can't believe this. I mean, charges and a fine? A key to the city, sure, maybe even a national holiday named after her -- but a fine?

UPDATE: HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!! NSFW VIDEO OF A PERFORMANCE ADDED AFTER THE JUMP! WOOHOO, BARE BOOBS! (thanks io)

Uncensored picture (which looks like a shapely pixelated woman in bra and underwear) and NSFW video after the jump.

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